#more like A Room Where We Can Someday PAIN AND SUFFERING
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The Devil’s own.
Jungkook x OC
Mafia Au!
Warnings : Non-Con ! Manipulation, Degradation, Shitty hero with no redeeming Qualities you have been warned. ( i mean he does get better but not much.)
Summary : Just Mob Boss Jungkook doing mob boss things.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
I wasn’t sure how long I stayed there , staring at the ceiling and trying to come to terms with what had just happened. It was revolting. It was nauseating. It made me want to claw my own skin off. I stared at the intricate designs , carved into the ceiling, the panels that reflected life and made the room seem bigger than it was. The scent of jasmine and rosemary clung to the sheets and the drapes in the room, cloyingly sweet and meant to arouse the occupants.
I wondered how I’d got here.
I had memories of satin silk sheets and bright lights. My father had always spoiled me, the best of the best only for his only daughter and I’d indulged in luxury to my heart’s content. More shoes than I could possibly wear in a life time. Every season’s collection, straight into my wardrobe whether I asked for it or not. Diamonds and rubies and emeralds set in platinum and gold , jewelry to match my clothes and even my car if I felt like it.
I shut my eyes in despair. I didn’t miss the luxury as much as I missed the solitude. The option to just not do anything. My father hadn’t cared enough to see what I was upto and everyone knew that I was betrothed to Jungkook.
And that meant no dates or party invites because after the third guy got his arm in a sling after accidentally brushing past me , word kind of spread. Stay away from Elena Gong or the Jeon kid will break your bones.
I shuddered. It had been an obsession, I thought vacantly.
Jungkook had been obsessed, even back then. I just hadn’t paid much heed to him. Because Jungkook back then had been terrifying but also ridiculously endearing in some way. He had seemed for lack of a better word…..insignificant. I was beautiful and rich, never lacked for attention and he was just one among the dozens. Even if I was betrothed to him, I hadn’t given much thought to him.
And Jungkook had taken my indifference in stride. He’d laughed and played around and I hated to admit it, treated me like a queen. Flowers, chocolates and gifts every other day . He would follow me around like a puppy , and I wondered if perhaps my dismissive attitude towards him back then had been a mistake. Did it push him over the edge?
My heart ached fiercely and when I finally willed myself to move, my body protested.
Every inch of me was sore and aching. My head because of how hard he’d gripped my hair. I sat up on shaky legs, fingers trembling as I pulled my shit up to stare at my body. Bite marks littered my skin, marring the smooth surface and I felt bile in my throat at the memory of his teeth on me. Finger shaped bruises were beginning to bloom around my thighs and I couldn’t breathe over the agony ripping up my insides.
I glanced down between my thighs, at the sticky mess of his release dripping down into the sheets, staining the sheets a murky pink. I shuddered, disgusted. God, I hated him. Where was my phone? My clothes were still there at the foot of the bed and I noticed the small door on the right wall. Crawling off the bed on shaky legs , I limped carefully to the bathroom.
I took Hoseok’s shirt off dropping it in the corner before turning the showers on.
The water felt like a whip on my skin as I sat on the tiled bathroom floor , a small washcloth gripped tight in my hand as I carefully cleaned myself up. I had no idea what the time was… It must be very early or very late. No matter. I had to get out of here and get to Jisoo. I swallowed, imagining her alone all this time. The doctors had said she would be up in Guilt churned as I quickly grabbed a towel from the closet and wiped myself down.
It took me another ten minutes to finish dressing up and just as I finished slipping into my shoes, the door opened. I glanced up, catching sight of Hoseok as he leaned against the door. He looked a little haggard, a black silk shirt unbuttoned to his chest and tucked into fitted jeans. I stared at him, watching the way his gaze roved over every inch of exposed skin, looking just a tad bit worried.
“The Hospital called. “ He said gently, “ They’re ready to release you sister. They want to know if you can come pick her up. The baby’s going to have to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks.”
I groaned. Great. More bills.
“I need a job. “ I said miserably. “ Help me out.” I stared at him beseechingly and Hoseok gave me a look.
“you know the kind of jobs I provide. You’re not built for it. “ He said shortly and I shook my head, impatient.
“that’s not what I meant and you know it. You and your friends pretty much own every club in the city. Get me a job ….” I whispered, moving to stand in front of him and he recoiled.
Just as always, I thought bitterly. Coward.
As much as a coward now as he’d been ten years ago, when he’d pretended that he didn’t have any feelings for me. Pretended that he didn’t give a damn about me.
The throb in my skull grew in intensity.
My throat was dry and I felt my vision swim a bit. I was tired. Exhausted . I hadn’t slept in….how long really? I hadn’t eaten in a day…for sure… And I likely wasn’t going to be eating for a long while, let alone feeding Jisoo if I didn’t get a job right away. I had twelve thousand won to my name and that was it.
“Jungkook-“ He began but I was sick of his name so I growled.
“Fuck, do you want me to beg Hoseok? I will… I can’t … I need a job… Please.” I said desperately, staring at him and his gaze softened.
“Elena, stop looking at me like that, fuck.” He swore, turning and punching the wall hard. “ fuck.”
“Just help me get a job. I’m not asking you to give me money or something. You don’t even have to get it for me… Just tell me who’s hiring ? Somewhere away from Jungkook and his men.” I whispered , and the sheer irony of it didn’t escape me. Jung Hoseok was possibly one of Jungkook’s main men.
He ran his hand over his forehead, shaking his head.
“You’re going to get me killed someday.” He muttered, “ Fine. There’s a club down in Itaewon. It caters to cops and lawyers exclusively so Jungkook and his men usually keep out of it. My friend owns the place. His name is Im Jaebum. I’ll get you a job there , waitressing. Is that alright?” He said softly and I wanted to sob in relief as I nodded. Itaewon meant pretty close to where the bakery was. I could take the bus.
“Fine. I’ll talk to him and call you. Here…” He held out a wad of cash and I took it greedily, eyes widening at the 100,000 written on the margin of each note. This was a lot of money.
“Hoseok…”I said stunned and he shrugged. “ Get food and baby stuff for Jisoo. If she’s going to feed the baby she needs to eat well. Fruits and veggies and lot of protein. If you run out, tell Jaebum you need some advance. He’ll pay you well.”
I nodded, stuffing the money into my pockets quickly . I swallowed when my insides throbbed, aching something fierce.
“Thank you.” I said softly, staring up at him and he hesitated, before reaching out and gently cupping my face in his palm. I flinched at his touch and he recoiled.
“Was he… Did he hurt you?” He whispered quietly and I smiled bitterly.
“Wasn’t that the whole point?” I sighed, shaking my head . I hesitated . I wasn’t sure if Hoseok would listen to me but I had to try at least.
“ Can you not tell him? That… That I was a virgin?” I asked quietly and he nodded.
“Wasn’t planning to.” He said casually.
I stared at him. I’d always found him handsome. Beautiful. Perfect . And I wondered where we had gone so wrong.
“Do you regret it.” I whispered. “ All those choices you made.”
“Which ones? …” he asked bitterly.
“you know… “ I snapped. “ the ones that lead us here. You and me…. Standing here like strangers. “
“I wouldn’t risk my life for a stranger. Which is what I’m doing every time I help you .” He said quietly.
“So what are we then?” I demanded.
“Old friends” He said casually.
I snorted.
“Fucking coward.” I whispered , loud enough for him to hear as I brushed past him and walked away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I trudged all the way to the VIP room in the hospital flinching because that was probably a lot of money to be repaid , now owed directly to the devil spawn that was Jeon. I had grabbed a small meal on the way before quickly getting the bus to the Hospital. It was little past eleven in the morning and the hallways were packed with people. Sighing, I moved to the room where Jisoo was, slowly opening the door.
Min Yoongi sat on the chair next to the bed, gazing idly at my sister in law.
To say that I was shocked would be the biggest understatement of the century. My lips parted in shock, panic bubbling up inside me as I exhaled sharply.
“What-“ I swallowed gazing between him and my Jisoo, who was sitting up against the backrest on the bed, a tray of food on her lap and a small smile on her face.
“Lena!! You’re here!” She cried out softly, tears filling her eyes at once as she held both her hands up. I moved to hug her but my mind stayed on the man near the bed, his sultry feline eyes trained unblinkingly on her. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to get my breathing to regulate but it was impossible.
What on earth was Yoongi doing here?
“Mr. Min came to see me. He told me he knew Daehwan.” Jisoo said softly, looking sad but hopeful and I felt my heart turn over as I turned to stare at him.
Min Yoongi knew Daehwan as a target . A hit he had carried out himself.
But I couldn’t say a thing. Not in front of Jisoo.
“I’m only here to offer my help. It pains me to see you suffering, Jisoo. I know your husband would want you to be taken care of.” He said softly, his gaze still fixed on her and I didn’t like it. At all.
Bile rising, I gave him a glare.
“I’ll take care of her. Please don’t trouble yourself.” I said shakily and he glanced at me, lips parting a bit, turning into a smirk.
“You look… well rested.” He smirked and I flushed.
“Lena, come on… I know all this…this must be expensive. We can use all the help we can get and Mr. Min-“
“Please call me Yoongi, sweetheart.” Yoongi said charmingly and my sister in law blushed. I felt my skin crawl.
“Y-Yoongi said he has a spare room. I can’t stay in the bakery. And it’s not like he’s a murderer or anything. He showed me his card. He’s a lawyer.” She said softly and I sighed in despair. Jisoo was naïve bordering on stupid and I wasn’t equipped to deal with this.
As I watched she went back to the food, eating ravenously and I felt my heart clench. I could see the twin damp spots at her chest and I noticed the breast pump on the table. It looked brand new. I hadn’t even thought about things she may need after the baby, too preoccupied with all the hospital bills and medicines I would have to pay for.
Diapers. Baby wipes. Those little flannel pieces mothers used to wipe down the baby. I felt my head spin, turning to Yoongi who was staring at me casually.
“Can we talk?” I said quietly and he straightened.
“Jisoo ssi… Please enjoy your meal. And here…” He gave her his phone. “ If you’re done, just give me a buzz on this.” He showed her something on the phone .” Go on try it.”
Jisoo pressed down on the screen curiously and Yoongi’s watch rang .
He grinned as she smiled.
“See? One touch and I’ll be here yeah?” He said softly, and I felt like I was stuck in some kind of drama, glancing between the pair of them.
“Are you leaving?” She asked curiously and he shook his head.
“I’ll be right here, outside. Having a word with Elena. You can finish your food and I’m guessing it’s time for you to pump again? The pediatrician said you’d have to pump every two hours with the milk so… if you get it ready, I’ll drop it off at the NICU.” He said calmly.
Jisoo nodded, staring at him with wide eyed gratefulness and I sighed in despair.
Yoongi moved to the door and I gave her a small smile before following him.
I waited till the door had closed behind me before turning to him, furious.
“What do you think you’re-“
“I want her.” He said shortly.
I felt my jaw come unhinged.
“No.” I hissed, furious and helpless with rage. “ Yoongi-“
“Don’t make me put a bullet in your head for this, Elena.” He said calmly and I exhaled shakily.
“She’s… You know she’s not like us. She doesn’t know anything about this life. As far as she knows my brother was a surgeon who got killed in a hit and run. You want to …. What do you really want? Did Jungkook put you upto this?”
“If Jungkook would have his way, your sister in law and your new nephew would both be dead. You know this.” Yoongi said casually. God, could I ever have a conversation with anyone without Jungkook being dragged into it? When did my life get twined so intimately with him?
“Where is he?” I asked quickly and Yoongi shrugged.
“He’s out of the country. He left an hour ago.”
“Switzerland….” I said before thinking and Yoongi stiffened.
“How did you know?” He demanded and I froze.
“I… I overheard …..someone.” I muttered and Yoongi moved so fast I barely caught it. The next second I was pressed up against the wall, his forearm pressing into my throat and holding me down while he held a knife right against my jugular.
“Nice try. Now the truth.” He hissed.
“Ouch..” I choked out , coughing a bit. “ Fine.. Hoseok.. Hoseok told me.”
Yoongi pulled back.
“You fukcing him?” He asked casually and I glared at him.
“none of your business.” I snapped.
He laughed at that.
“I know you aren’t. Hoseok loves his dick too much to risk having it castrated.”
I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn’t here to talk about these bastards.
“Just leave Jisoo alone.” I said quietly and Yoongi sighed.
“What are you going to do with her, Elena. You can barely afford to feed yourself. You should be thankful I’m taking her off your hands.”
I ignored his nonsense and moved till I was pressed up against him, fingers curling into his chest. Yoongi looked surprised, lips twisting in displeasure when I blinked up at him.
“please.. Yoongi…” I begged, “ Don’t do this to me.” I said quietly. “ I … she’s all I have… She… My brother had nothing to do with any of this. You know that….He left this life decades ago. I don’t… I don’t know why Jungkook wanted him dead in the first place. I loved my brother and my brother loved his wife. I owe it to him … Please…just…Please leave her alone.” I whispered softly, letting my fingers drop to grip his arm.
He tugged his arm away at once.
“ She needs more than empty platitudes and good intentions. She needs food and a place to stay with her baby. I’m giving her that.”
“And what do you get in return?” I demanded angrily. “ She just gave birth, fuck you. You can’t touch her , not unless you’ve lost the last shreds of humanity in that conscience of yours.”
He rolled his eyes.
“I’m not doing this for sex, Elena. If I wanted easy pussy, I would have come to you…” He smirked. “ Don’t forget that Jungkook and I share our toys, yeah?”
I opened my mouth to retort before remembering that I was trying to get him to listen to him.
“Then why? What do you want…tell me?”
“I told you. I want her. As she is.” Yoongi shrugged.
“You killed her husband.” I said , voice shaking as I remembered what Jungkook had said. About my brother begging for his life because Jisoo was pregnant. And how Yoongi hadn’t given a shit and shot him anyway.
“A minor inconvenience. Trust me if I’d seen her before I killed him…” He sighed, shaking his head in regret and I frowned.
“You would have spared him? “ I asked bitterly and Yoongi laughed.
“No.. I would have killed him sooner.” He smirked. “ Is there a point to this whole conversation… I’m getting bored and Jisoo’s waiting inside.”
“We’re supposed to get her out of the hospital today and-“
“I’m taking her home.” He said briskly. “ I’ve already spoken to her. And She’s agreed that a ramshackle , dilapidated bakery isn’t the right place for a new mother and a tiny baby.”
And the worst part was that I couldn’t even disagree.
And I couldn’t help but feel angry, betrayed. Jisoo was…. How could she? She hadn’t even bothered to talk to me about it… Just agreeing to move in with Yoongi. She was older than me. Supposed to be the smart one. My body ached. If that was the bed she was going to make , she could lie on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Going somewhere?” Jungkook’s voice made me freeze.
I swallowed, straightening and stepping back almost instinctively. He stood in the doorway, a cigarette held between his teeth as he stared at me . He looked like he’d showered as well, hair still damp and the smells of citrus and mint permeating the air around him.
It was exactly ten days since I’d last seen him and I’d settled into a routine of sorts. Im Jaebum’s bar, Venom was an exclusive club in Itaewon and I could easily disappear into the shadows, staying low and using the beret ( a part of the uniform ) to keep my face hidden as I served the patrons. Like Hoseok had said, the place was filled with cops and lawyers. Yoongi was a frequent fixture here , stopping for just a drink on most days before heading home to my sister in law.
It made me sick but there was nothing I could do about it. Jisoo and little baby Yunsu were both home and needed a l,ot of care. And Yoongi apparently had a cook, a housekeeper and a nanny who helped her out. Jisoo was wary, her senses finally returning but she was also clearly glad to be out of the streets.
“I’m going home after I finish my shift. “ I said softly, trying not to stare as he stepped into the room. I turned away from him moving to the shelves and pushing the small canister in place.
“Where’s home?” He asked casually. I flinched when he stepped right behind me, fingers reaching out to curl on my shoulder, pulling me back till I was flush against his chest. The heat of his body seeped in through the thin fabric of my blouse and I felt my body heat up.
“You got what you wanted.” I said shakily. “ Let me go.” I whispered, dropping the cleaning cloth in the tray on the lower shelves, before moving to grab the mop. I just had to finish mopping the floor . And then I could leave.
But his grip on me stayed firm. I couldn’t move. Foreboding rose inside me.
Jungkook hummed at that, stepping closer, till I felt his chin brush the top of my head as he bent over me, arms coming around me and fingers lightly unbuttoning the first two buttons of my shirt. I stared at the dark ink on his forearm. , swallowing as he kept coming closer.
“What I wanted? That pathetic little display ten days ago?” He whispered softly “ Just think about this Elena …… I’ve been chasing you for years, I got rid of your entire family and yet I let you live. Why do you think that was, huh? “ He shook his head, “ For two minutes of you lying underneath me like a frigid bitch? You think that’s what I want Elena? Think I’ll be satisfied with that? ” He laughed.
I stared at the wall in front of me and I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t play this sick game with him. Not when he kept changing the rules . Not when there was nothing left for me to gamble or lose.
“Jisoo. I have to go see her. Just… Just let me go see her. I need to see if she’s alright and then we can talk. ” I whispered. Jungkook smiled, tilting my head to the side with his fingers. I felt the damp press of his lips against my jaw and my skin crawled.
“Don’t worry, Yoongi’s taking care of her.” He whispered softly and I felt my heart turn over in my chest at the reminder. I’d been forced to relent because Yoongi had taken her home to a fully finished and decorated nursery , a closet full of baby clothes for her son and nursing clothes for her. She had been bowled over and when I’d told her to think about the why of it…she’d given me a helpless sort of smile. . As far as she was concerned , Yoongi had been nothing but generous and kind… And she wasn’t going to say no to him because she couldn’t afford to..
“I… he promised me he’d let me see her. And the baby…every day. That was the deal.”
Jungkook laughed.
“I thought I made this clear . You don’t get to make deals with anyone because you belong to me. I get to decide what happens to you. Anytime. Anywhere. Do you need another demonstration , Elena?” His hand moved to my breast, groping the flesh, fingers rough and hard and I whimpered in pain.
“No..” I choked out , eyes widening in terror and he made quick work of the rest of the buttons on my blouse. Junkook hummed, kissing the back of my neck and slowly turning me around in his arms.
“Relax. You don’t have a job. How are you going to feed her and the kid? Yoongi isn’t like me. He doesn’t hold a lot of grudges. And for some reason he seems to have a hard on for your sister in law. He wants to marry her. ” He chuckled and I felt nausea bloom.
“No.. Don’t… Don’t do that to her. She’s not like us. She doesn’t know… She doesn’t have anything to do with this life.” I begged, heart racing at the thought of Jisoo, helpless and scared and alone with a baby , trapped with a fucking assassin. Yoongi killed for a living . That was his job. Jisoo was delicate and sensitive.
“She still needs to eat and live right? With what? He’s feeling particularly generous so he’s taken her home . You don’t have to worry about them anymore… Isn’t that nice?” he smirked and I felt my throat go dry.
I clenched my fists, feeling my breath catch.
“The only person you need to worry about yourself is yourself. Isn’t that how you prefer it anyway? Beautiful selfish Elena who never gave a fuck about anyone but herself. Isn’t that who you truly are, angel?” He smiled.
“Not anyone…. Just you… I don’t give a fuck about you.” I said defiantly, staring right up at him.
Jungkook stared at me and stepped closer, reaching out and running his fingers up and down my cheek. I flinched because he still held the lit cigarette.
“None at all?” He asked curiously, lightly tapping on the end of the cigarette, and I flinched when the hot ash spilled onto my shoulder.
“Did that hurt, baby?” He whispered, leaning in and pressing the cigarette to my lips.” I’m sorry. Breathe in for me.” He stuck the cigarette into my mouth and I pulled away , coughing and disgusted.
I closed my eyes as his free hand went to my wrist, tugging me closer. I stiffened as he wrapped his arms around me, drawing me in till my face pressed against his chest, his body flush against mine, one hand moving back to stroke my back.
“I missed you. You’re terrible at pleasing me but I think…with a little bit of training, you can make me cum… ” He smirked. “ Let’s start with a blowjob, yeah?”
I stiffened.
“No.” I said softly and he smirked, pulling back.
“No?” He asked softly. . I felt my throat go dry in fear as I noticed the way his gaze shifted. I bit my lips to stifle the pain as He carefully pressed the lit end of the cigarette right against the curve of my breast , pressing in for a couple of seconds and pulling away just before the skin began to singe. He glanced up at me, and I blinked through the tears, pain spreading all over my chest at the burn. That would leave a scar, I thought miserably.
“Wrong answer. Try again.” He whispered.
“Go to Hell.” I choked out.
I flinched when his fingers slipped up into my hair, gripping hard. My scalp burned, sharp and insistent and instinct made me grip his wrist, trying to get him off but it was impossible.
“Let me go..” I snapped, glaring at him. God, How I hated him.
“Was I your first??” He whispered, dragging me close enough that his lips brushed my ear. “ Never had a cock before? Was that why you were so fucking tight?”
I bit my lips, glaring at him, defiant and furious. Did Hoseok actually tell him? That two faced snake…. God , why did these fuckers never leave me alone?
“Seokjin hyung told me…Told me he was looking forward to breaking a virgin and that made me think….God, I was the first cock she ever had….” He hummed, looking infinitely pleased.
“Yes. And I got to say… I don’t know what the fuss is about. You couldn’t even make me cum.” I snapped and Jungkook grinned, grip tightening and the other hand moving to curl around my waist, squeezing hard.
“Did I make you bleed from between your legs Elena? Tell me I did….Cause that’s fucking hot. ” He whispered, voice low and gruff.
Jungkook, I thought vacantly, was a psychopath.
“Go to Lisa. Go fuck her and make her bleed if that’s what gets you off…. and leave me alone.” I whispered and he smiled, bending down pressing a kiss right where he’d burned my skin.
“I don’t need you to tell me that. She’s my fiancé. The woman I’m going to marry. And you know what that means? I actually give a shit whether she cums or not. And trust me she does. Multiple times. Sometimes so hard she passes out.”
“Or maybe she fakes it. Maybe she passes out because she can’t stand your touch either.” I shrugged. “ Because we all know that’s what she’s good at Jungkook. She faked her friendship with me , she’ll fake her loyalty to you.”
“Always got something smart to say, huh Elena? Let’s see how mouthy you get when I’m shoving my cock down your throat.”
I flinched when he pushed me, hard enough to send me sprawling on the floor. I caught myself with difficulty , throwing my hands out to keep my head from hitting the floor. I flinched at the pain that shot up my body, every inch throbbing because of how rough this fucker had been with me.
Ten days and the aftermath of that night still lingered on me.
And it was three in the morning and I’d spent eight hours on my feet bussing tables , I was exhausted.
I closed my eyes, before pressing my palm against the floor, trying to pull myself up when I felt the press of his shoe at the base of my spine, pushing me down.
I whimpered in shock, my hands giving out and shoulder crashing down into the floor.
“Stay down for a second, baby.” He whispered and I exhaled.
I pressed my palm against the floor, head dropping on to the carpeted floor . I whimpered when I felt him crouch down, foot digging in harder into my back and I curled my fingers into the carpet to swallow the pained sound that bubbled up in my throat.
“I’m going to fuck you again. And this time I want you to do all the work.” Jungkook’s voice came from over me and I flinched. I considered the odds of me putting up a fight and actually winning. It was laughable. I wasn’t going to fight a force of nature. And that was what Jeon Jungkook was.
“ You can’t make me do anything Jungkook.” I whispered finally. “ You can hit me and rape me and kill me but you can’t make me do anything to you. You just have to live with that.”
His foot lifted off my spine and I felt hands on my arms, pulling me up till I was kneeling. I watched as he moved around to stand in front of me.
“Look at me.” He said carefully.” From now you only speak when I tell you to.”
“ Whatever. Let’s get this over with so I can go see my sister and my nephew.“ I said shakily.
He sighed deeply at that, shaking his head.
“See, if it was upto me, I’d just put a bullet in both their heads. Cos at this point they’re just proving to be a nuisance.”
My blood turned to ice in my veins.
“ But, Yoongi’s just getting to know your pretty little Jisoo…And he’s my favorite hyung. So I’m going to let her live. But, let’s not invade their privacy for a while.” He began unbuckling his belt and I felt nausea rise inside me.
“Jungkook?” The voice came from the door and I stiffened. Jungkook groaned.
“Baby, what the fuck are you doing here?” He said gruffly, standing up and using his knee to push me out of the way roughly. I swore, gripping the edge of the table near me to steady myself before turning around to stare at the woman at the door. I stumbled to my feet, still feeling a little out of it. I needed food. Before I collapsed in a heap on the floor.
“You were supposed to come see me tonight. I went looking for you everywhere and I find you here about to get with some common whore?” she shouted and I stiffened, glaring at her.
She stood framed in the doorway, staring at me for a second before letting her gaze wander all over the room. She stared at me, eyes taking in the unbuttoned blouse and I quickly moved to put the buttons back on.
“Did you fuck her?” She demanded angrily and Jungkook hummed.
“Since when did I owe you answers, angel?” He asked casually and I watched the woman’s eyes widen, before her brows furrowed in a frown.
“ So what, I can’t ask you who you’re with ?” She asked angrily and Jungkook groaned , kicking out at the nearest stand with enough force to send it toppling over the side, crashing to floor and breaking on impact. I stumbled, back, wrapping my arms around myself as he fairly growled.
“What the fuck is up with all you cunts today?” He demanded, glancing at me in distaste. “ I come back after busting my ass at work for ten entire days . I just needed to get my dick sucked and you two.” He shook his head, hand reaching into his jacket and I felt my eyes widen when he pulled his glock out, releasing the safety and loading the gun before pressing the muzzle right against her skull.
The woman whimpered, hands held up as he tapped the firearm against her.
“You. You don’t come anywhere near me unless I send for you. Is that clear?” He asked sharply and she nodded frantically, abject terror written all over her face.
He turned to me.
“And you. You’re coming with me.” He said quietly and I felt my eyes widen. I opened my mouth to protest but the girl at the door beat me to it.
“I think not…. You’re not taking her anywhere, Jungkook, I’ll-“ She began, reaching forward to grab him and Jungkook moved so quickly, I could barely blink.
The shot rang out , making me jump and I watched as she crumbled to the floor, crying out in pain. I stared in horror, watching the hole in her arm, spilling blood all over the floor and the hallway and my throat went completely dry, staring at the girl on the floor and the blank, absolutely merciless look on his face.
“Just because I let you sit on my cock once in a while, doesn’t mean you get a say in how I live my life.” He said quietly, using his foot to prod her hip. He glanced at me and I felt my throat go dry as he pulled the glock back to reload it.
He aimed the gun right at me, eyes dark and heavy.
“Are you going to be good for me, baby? Or do you need a physical demonstration as well?” He tilted his head to where the girl was on the floor, pressing her palm against her arm.
“She’s bleeding out.. “ I choked out. “ you need to get her help, Jungk-“
Another shot rang out and I jumped, heart in my throat as I tried to understand what had happened. It took me a second to realize that he hadn’t shot me. That he had fired at the ceiling.
“Answer the bloody question Elena.” He growled and I flinched, nodding.
“I… I’ll listen… Just…” I glanced back at the poor girl on the floor.” Get her some help.”
Jungkook smiled a little. He turned to the girl on the floor and shook his head.
“Get up baby. Go find Hoseok and get that patched up, yeah? And don’t provoke me the next time, yeah? ” He said casually and she stumbled to her feet, looking disoriented and scared as she moved out of the door.
“ And you. “ He glared at me. “Finish dressing up and follow me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Where are we going?” I asked nervously, fighting the instinct to just take off at a sprint, as we walked down the road to where his Mercedes was parked.
“My home. Where else?” He said casually and I stiffened.
“Jungkook-“
“Didn’t I tell you not to speak unless I ask you to, Elena? I’m jet lagged and angry. Trust me , you don’t want to piss me off now.” He said casually and I swallowed.
He opened the door for me, the polite gesture so at odds with what he was doing that my head began to throb.
But I climbed in nonetheless. I stayed quiet for the short ride to his apartment , eyes fixed straight ahead and Jungkook was quiet too. I was too exhausted to be scared, I thought despondently, my eyes drooping because of how long I’d been up. Glancing out the window, I watched the cars whizz by, people living their lives, completely unaware that almost all of them were merely tiny little gears in a machine run exclusively by men like Jungkook. That all their lives, spent working and earning and dying…it was all meaningless. They had no say in anything. People like Jungkook were the ones who got to shape the world to their liking. The ones who got to play God.
And Jungkook was definitely the closest to an omnipotent human I’d ever come across.
Powerful, untouchable and terrifying.
So perhaps, it was a little flattering, that I was the one thing he couldn’t get out of his head.
I glanced at him discreetly.
He was beautiful, I thought with a pang. One of the most beautiful men on this planet. Despite the years, his boyish charm was still right there on his face and he could slip on a plaid shirt , a white t shirt and stone wash jeans and pass off as an innocent college student. I stared at the taut jaw, the long column of his neck and the broad back. His biceps bulged when he gripped the steering when and my eyes lingered on the long fingers curled around the wheel.
I jumped when his hand moved to grip the stick shift , curling on the knob and yanking it back with force. I swallowed, thighs pressing together as my mind shifted to that night in Hoseok’s club. I hated myself for how often I relived it. And not always with disgust.
My fingers fell on the ring on his finger. His engagement ring, I thought with a pang. Lisa. Beautiful, wonderful Lisa who had been a dear friend . Once. For all her shortcomings I knew she loved the man who sat next to me. Cared deeply for him, even. Why else would she do this to me? She must have strong feelings for him , if it had prompted her to throw away our friendship of over a decade.
“You’re cheating on her then.” I said quietly. His reminder to not talk to him rang in my head but I couldn’t stop myself. He wasn’t a stranger. And that ring…the ring that promised to bind two people forever….. I’d worn it too. For him.
Jungkook didn’t reply, merely glancing at me in passing.
I sighed, looking at my knees, feeling my shoulders tremble a bit.
“Is she going to be there?” I asked quietly.
He exhaled sharply. I noticed the way his grip on the steering wheel tightened.
“No.” He said shortly.
“She lives with you right? You said we’re going home ….then where is she-“
“What is this, twenty fucking questions?” He snapped and I swallowed. “ I’m not taking you home to my fiancée Elena, do I look like a fucking idiot? “ He shook his head.
Before I could demand more answers, he was pulling over into a side alley. I watched as he carefully parked the car before stepping out. Second later, he was coming around and opening the door.
I stared at him, gripping the hem of my blouse, tight. My stomach twisted into knots.
“Can’t you just let me go?” I whispered softly, pride forgotten in the wake of my tiredness. Jungkook stared at me, face eerily blank.
“Get out of the car.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Like it?” He asked softly and I stood on the threshold, taking in the lavishly decorated apartment on the top floor of the building. I noticed the portrait right up front, a large full sized photo of me and Jungkook from nearly a decade ago, wrapped around each other in a hug , showing off our engagement bands.
“What is this?”
“It was supposed to be your wedding gift. From me. I bought it for you. Nine years ago. Thought you should see it.” He said quietly.
I stayed perfectly still , as he wrapped his hands around me in a hug.
“Why did you leave me, Elena?” He asked quietly and I felt my throat go dry.
“Why do you still have this place? Get rid of it.” I snapped. He laughed at that , pulling away and turning me around till I stared at him.
“ Will you stay here, with me?” He asked softly and I froze.
“You’re out of your mind.” I said shortly.
He hummed.
“Possibly. But then, the problem is this. If I tell you , you can’t leave this place ever again….There’s not much you can do about it, right?” He said thoughtfully and I felt a sob building in my chest.
“I… Don’t.” I said shakily.
“You should see the bedroom. Come.”
His fingers wrapped around my wrist dragging me past the lavish couch and sofa, past a well kept bar onto a wide hallway dimly lit. He stopped at the second door on the right, reaching out to open the lock. The room was plunged in darkness and I hesitated.
“Go on… After you, Mrs. Jeon.” He said softly . I could feel distaste creeping up my spine at the name, shivering a bit as I stepped into the darkness.
“Can you imagine, if we’d gotten married. This is what our first night together would be like…” He pressed against my back, arms coming around me , so gentle that I shivered.
“Jungkook…what are you doing?” I asked shakily.
“Shush…. “ He whispered, moving to unbutton my blouse again. I grabbed his wrists quickly.
“We aren’t married. I’m not your wife.” I said sharply and I felt him go still behind me.
“Shut your mouth and play along like a good girl.” He said quietly. He shook my hands off, moving to undo the buttons again.
Not sure what he expected, I stayed perfectly still as he hummed, pressing soft feather light kisses down my jaw and past my shoulders. His hands stroked up and down my arm as he laughed .
“Did you miss me Elena…..all these years…” He said quietly. “ Because I missed you. So much.”
He hugged me close, tight and hard.
“Are you scared?” He whispered, “ honey?”
“Oh, God…” I choked out, nausea rising up in my throat at the endearment.
“My wife…” He whispered, pressing a few more kisses against my skin before pushing me a bit towards the bed. “ Should I turn on the lights? I wanna see you.”
He nudged me towards the bed and my legs gave out when I hit the edge of it, legs turning to jelly as I sat on it, shaky and creeped out and terrified. Jungkook moved to turn on the lamp on the bedside table, a soft golden glow lighting up the bed .
“Look at you… so beautiful.” He whispered and I watched as he tugged off his shirt, before moving to his belt. He was watching me like I was something precious. Like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
“What are you doing?” I asked quietly and he smiled, running his fingers over the tattoos decorating his chest. He stopped at a large ornate tiger lily, inscribed right over his heart.
“Do you like it?” he said softly. “ I got this for you. My Elena…. As delicate as a lily and as brave as a tiger.”
I stared at him in disbelief.
“Either fuck me or let me go, I’m not here to talk about-“
He slapped me, so hard that my head whipped to the side, my face feeling like it had caught fire. I gasped, the pain spreading all over my jaw and I couldn’t quite grasp what had just happened. I pressed shaky fingers to the throbbing skin near my mouth, eyes watering at the sting.
“Didn’t I tell you to play along, angel?” He whispered sharply and I closed my eyes , shuddering.
Play along. Do it if you want to get out of here alive. ‘
Fucking psychopath.
“ It’s beautiful, Jungkook.” I whispered softly, glancing at him with teary eyes. He nodded.
“We’ll get one for you too. A wolf. With the initials JK on it…. Right here…” He lightly traced a path over my collarbone and I hoped to God, this was some sick fantasy. That he wasn’t seriously considering tattooing his initials on me.
“Strip for me baby… All of it. I want to see you.” He whispered and I hesitated just long enough to take a deep breath. I reached back, quickly undoing my bra clasp and pulling the fabric off. I hooked my thumbs into my skirt and my panties, tugging both of them off me, swiftly. I dropped all of it on the floor next to the bed, before moving to kneel in the middle of the bed, staring at him with a smile that felt physically painful.
“I’m going to make you feel good, baby.” He whispered quietly, crawling over on top of me.
“Lay down for me.” He said, and I felt repulsed, as he kissed my lips, soft and gentle, pressing in till I was flat on my back, legs parted so he could lie in between.
It was so different from last time and somehow ten times worse.
Jungkook pressed kisses all over my face, whispering gentle words against my skin that felt like acid.
“So beautiful…. Mine. You were always mine Elena. Mine to touch and mine to break . Mine to love and mine to fuck.”
I stared as he loomed over, his face inches from mine, his gaze deceptively affectionate, his eyes warm and almost soft. I watched as he came closer, his lips closing over mine. Instinctively I kept my lips together but his fingers curled around my thigh, squeezing hard enough to make me whimper, lips parting . He pressed his tongue in then , licking into my mouth and I brought my hands up, instinctively wrapping around the bare skin of his shoulders and my body thrummed at the feeling of his muscles under my fingers.
Curiosity made me foolish, and I found myself tracing the hills and valleys of his skin, fascinated by the way the muscles flexed, every time he moved his arm.
“You like that? I worked hard on those…” He chuckled, watching me curl my fingers around his biceps. He was so… big. I moved my fingers up to the hardness of his chest, splaying my palm on his pecs and my fingers caught a hard little scar, almost perfectly round and deep.
“What is this…” I asked , curious my finger dipping into the healed skin and he hummed.
“Your father . He shot me when I was chasing his car down in Jeju Do. Foolish bastard. Thought he could outrun me.” He laughed .
I glanced at him, catching his eyes and the ebbing laughter , my heart twisting.
“Then why am I here? You hate my father. You killed my entire family. So why am I here, Jungkook?” I asked foolishly, my heart breaking a bit and he hesitated.
“Because you’re mine.” He said simply.
I closed my eyes in despair.
“If this was our wedding night…. What would you say…?” He asked suddenly.
I stared at him, confused.
“What?”
“If we got married back then… When you were eighteen. And it was our first night together….. what would you say?”
I sighed.
“I’d ask you to ….to be gentle.” I whispered.
He nodded.
“Tell me , then.”
I stared at him, feeling helpless.
“Go on, Elena.” He said again.
“Jungkook…” I began but he shook his head.
“Ggukkie.” He said softly. “ Call me GGukkie… That’s what you used to call me …when we were young.”
I clenched my fists, on his chest, resisting the urge to push him off. That wouldn’t end well for me.
“GGukkie…” I whispered, finally, glancing up at him, licking my lips and parting them gently, eyes as wide as they could go, “ you know its my first time right?”
Jungkook’s eyes fairly danced at that and he hummed, leaning closer.
“Is it, baby?” He asked, reaching up to brush my hair away, fingers gentle on my face.
Get into it. Get into it and get it over with.
“You know it is…” I pouted, “ No one else can touch me. I’m yours , aren’t I GGukkie…”
He laughed, rubbing his nose against mine.
“That you are, kitten.”
Kitten? That’s a new one.
Shut up and stay in character , fuck.
I was so fucking screwed.
“ So… will you be gentle?” I whispered , “ I don’t want it to hurt.”
Jungkook wrapped his arms around me rolling over and taking me with him till I was lying flat on top of him.
“Then how about this angel? You can ride me…. As slow and gentle as you like. Make yourself feel good on my cock, yeah….?”
I stared at him.
I’m gonna fuck you and you’re going to do all the work.
He’d played me like a fiddle.
“Well baby? Go on…. Take my pants off.”
I exhaled angrily, before moving down, to tug on his pants. He helped me take them off kicking off his boxer briefs as well.
That’s a beautiful dick. Objectively. Very pretty.
Shut the fuck up.
“ Get it wet for me baby….” He said softly. I glanced down at the hard length of it, jutting out of the small thatch of hair and felt my mouth go dry . Which would be counterproductive if I wanted to get it wet. So I swirled my tongue around my mouth, trying to get my mouth moist, before leaning down and carefully wrapping my lips around the head.
Fuck, he tastes good.
I shook my head a bit to clear the voice in my head, glancing up at him with my lips stretched around the soft pink head and he was looking right back at me, eyes heavy and dark .
“Go on baby, take more of it in, use your tongue…make me feel good.”
I closed my eyes, letting the spit coat the hard length of his cock, sinking down till the tip began to inch down my throat. I sucked lightly, running my tongues back and forth on whatever skin I could touch and it was like sucking a lollipop except the lollipop was thick enough to stretch my mouth wide and hit the back of my throat.
I felt his hand reach into my hair, gripping hard and I whimpered.
“Be gentle…” I whispered, pulling off and his eyebrows shot up , clearly in surprise . He stared at me for a second, as though considering my request and then his fingers loosened , threading through the strands soothingly.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered . I went back to sucking him off, somehow my natural tendency to work hard making me bob up and down, using my tongue and taking him as deep as I could. I felt a sick sort of satisfaction when he moaned in pleasure and for some damn reason I wanted to draw more sounds out of him.
This is a dream. Either that or you tripped over a pothole and fell into another dimension.
“ Are you wet ? Come here, so I can check….” Jungkook said softly and I pulled off moving up to straddle his hips. I flinched when he reached down, tracing my slit with carefully fingers before slipping in two. I tightened against the intrusion, still sore on the inside and he pulled his fingers out, bringing them up to my mouth.
“Suck…and get them nice and wet if you don’t want it to hurt.” He said quietly and I wrapped my lips around his fingers, letting my spit coat the slender digits.
When he pushed them back into me, the slide was easier , wetter and I gripped his shoulders, trying to relax around him. It felt foreign but also good… I felt good…
I stared down at him, the broad muscled body and the handsome face and for a crazy moment I imagine what it would have been, if I had married him. Would it have been this….this… weird pleasure that was somehow both painful and exhilarating at the same time. I bit my lips as he curled his fingers inside me, rubbing at some spot high up inside me that sent heat shooting straight up my spine, slick dripping out of me and onto the hard planes of his stomach like honey from a comb.
“Now sit on my cock.” He said quietly. I trembled, reaching down to lightly grip his cock, moving till the head lined up right against my slit or where I thought my slit was. Biting my lips, I lowered my body, feeling my body cleave to let him in, his cock pressing in and in and in.
My knees gave out and I slid down the length of him, the sudden, incredible fullness knocking the breath right out of me.
“ Fuck…baby….you alright?” He whispered and it messed with my head, the way he actually looked concerned and worried and I couldn’t take anymore of it.
“Please… Please… I just… I want to go home…” I whimpered, feeling full and stretched out, my thighs trembling and my insides wet and warm and somehow stuck between wanting more and wanting it to end.
Jungkook grunted, fingers curling over both my hips and lifting me lightly and with ease.
“Come on baby…. Ride me….” He whispered, “ Put your hands on my chest and roll your hips, up and down .”
I did as he said, one hand braced against his chest, the other gripping his shoulder as I tried to move on him but it was hopeless. I had no energy or inclination to do this and the pleasure was fast ebbing into frustration. Jungkook seemed to sense it because he growled.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking bad at this… Fine… Just lay there and let me use that stupid cunt of yours.” He snapped, gripping my waist and folding his knees just enough to brace his feet on the bed. I gasped as I got lifted a bit , his cock slipping in impossibly deeper , the tip nudging close to my cervix , the lightest brush of it send sharp jolts of electric pain pleasure up my spine.
“Oh fuck,..” I breathed as he pistoned into me, hips hitting my ass with brutal force as he fucked up into me and I could only tremble, eyes fluttering shut, fingers going numb from how hard I was gripping him.
“You’re gonna cum today… I’m gonna make you cum on my cock…” He growled, reaching down and pressing his thumb against my clit, rubbing softly, slow circles that were almost gentle compared to the brutal pounding oh his hips and I felt my mouth go slack, wetness slipping out of my tongue and dripping down my chin because of how excruciatingly good it felt, having him so deep, pressing in against the edge of my womb and I and to press my palm, right up against my belly , stunned because of how my body seemed to open and shift to make room for him.
“I’m gonna cum inside you, right inside your womb, fuck…. Gonna carry my babies for me, right sweetheart? Gonna watch you get round and full with my seed , watch you drip milk all over me with those beautiful tits….fuck…”
The shock of his words sent me over the edge, my body clenching down on him as I came, my orgasm so strong that I felt like I was cramping up on the inside and I toppled forward onto him, landing on his chest and bouncing a bit. Jungkook grunted a little, wrapping both his arms around me, holding close as he fucked me right through the aftershocks, body stilling only when I stopped shuddering and I felt warm wetness spill inside me, so deep that I knew I would have to swallow three morning after pills after this, although I was on birth control.
Because one could never be too sure with these things.
Jungkook stayed still under me and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath. I finally levered myself off of him, legs shaking as I rolled over and onto the bed before breathing in huge lungfuls of air.
“Can I go?” I choked out.
Jungkook grunted. “ Get the fuck out of here.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I stumbled out of the cab, exhausted and out of my mind with self loathing, I didn’t expect to see Hoseok sitting on the pavement outside the bakery, leaning against a streetlight, face warm but determined.
“Hobi?” I asked stunned. “ What are you-“
He cut me off with a kiss.
I stared wide eyed as he pulled me into an embrace, wrapping me in warmth and scent of his cologne, his hands impossibly gentle around me as he all but cradled me against his body, his lips moving gently against mine.
“Elena…” He breathed against my lips, eyes glinting . “ I love you. I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m so fucking sorry for being such a coward but you deserve to know… you deserve to know how I feel about you.”
I stared at him in disbelief, my heart pounding as I punched his chest in desperation.
“No… No fuck you… what are you doing…. He’ll kill you…” I hissed and he tightened his arms around me.
“I don’t care.” He hissed. “ I don’t… I can’t just… I can’t let him hurt you like this. I won’t. I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell him to let you go or lose our friendship.” He said angrily and I trembled.
My heart raced because Hoseok was the only one I’d ever loved. In every way a girl could love a boy. He was and had always been this confusing breed of brother and friend while everyone had drooled after Jeon Jungkook , I’d always been drawn to him…drawn to his quiet strength and to the way he had always treated me as an equal…
But… but Jungkook…. Jungkook who would put a bullet in his brain without a thought if he thought that Hoseok was trying to move in on something that belonged to him…..
“Hoseok…just… Don’t. I… I love you too…” I breathed out, tired and scared and so fucking worried because what if someone was listening even now..what if word got to Jungkook and he tried to hurt ….i couldn’t even think it.
“Come find me when Jungkook is busy . When he can’t find us…” I said softly, reaching out and pressing my palm against his face.
“I’m not scared of him.” Hoseok growled and it was ridiculous.
“But I’m scared of losing you. “ I said quickly. “ We can’t… He can’t know. Ever.”
Hoseok nodded before pulling me close again.
“Was he too rough?” He whispered and I blinked, flushing. I shook my head.
“No.. I. No. I think…”
“I hate that he was the one to touch you, first. You.. You deserve to know how good it can be…. How gentle.. I want to… fuck…” He shook his head pulling away and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“We can’t…” I said quietly. “ you know we can’t.”
He glanced at me, eyes blazing and lips parted and I groaned.
“Don’t look at me like that Hobi…” I whispered, shaking my head.
“Tomorrow. He’s going to Jeju Do , to inspect a new resort. He won’t be back till the day after. Call in sick at work.” He said quietly and I bit my lips, feeling a bit like a whole idiot.
I nodded.
He reached forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
No self preservation skills at all, I thought miserably.
If Jungkook found out…….
Author’s Note : I’ll add the taglist here tomorrow
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Canada's got the world's worst internet ideas
Canada’s government is poised to pass a “harmful content” regulation. It’s a worst-in-class mutation of a dangerous idea that’s swept the globe, in which governments demand that hamfisted tech giants remove broad categories of speech — too swiftly for meaningful analysis.
Many countries have proposed or passed rules on these lines: Australia, France, UK, Germany, India. They are all bad, but Canada’s is literally the worst — as if Trudeau’s Liberals sought out the most dangerous elements of each rule and combined them.
https://twitter.com/daphnehk/status/1421120217585831938
What’s in Canada’s rule? EFF’s Corynne McSherry and Katitza Rodriguez break it down.
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/o-no-canada-fast-moving-proposal-creates-filtering-blocking-and-reporting-rules-1
A requirement to remove “lawful-but-awful” speech that is allowed under Canadian law, but effectively also now banned under Canadian law;
24-hour deadlines for removal, guaranteeing that platforms will not have time to conduct a thorough analysis of speech before it is censored;
A de-facto requirement for platforms to install algorithmic filters to (mis)identify and remove prohibited expression;
Huge penalties for failing to remove banned speech — and no penalties for erroneously taking down permitted speech — which guarantees that platforms will shoot first and probably not bother to ask questions later;
Mandatory reporting of potentially harmful content (and the users who post it) to law enforcement and national security agencies;
A Chinese-style national firewall that will block websites that refuse to comply;
Far-reaching data-retention policies that only the largest companies will be able to afford, which will create immortal, leaky repositories of kompromat on every Canadian internet user.
Even worse: the specific contours of all these rules will be determined anew with each new Parliament, who will get to appoint a new Canadian “internet czar” with the power to expand and extend the regulation’s most dangerous elements.
The proposal allows Canadian cops to confiscate online services’ computers if they are suspected of noncompliance — but offers them an insurance policy to avoid having their doors kicked in and their equipment seized: to adopt “advice” from the internet czar.
So not only will the internet czar — who might someday be appointed by PM Maxime Bernier or Doug Ford — get to rewrite the rules in public, they’ll also be empowered to go beyond those rules in private “advice” to online services, backstopped by the threat of raids.
The Trudeau government are spinning this hard, just as they did with Bill C-10 (which included deceptive language that, on superficial examination, seemed to limit the scope of the law, but which was superceded by later clauses).
https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/01/you-are-here/#crtc
In this case, the proposal limits regulation to “public” forums. But because the this is copied from other countries, we know there’s room to declare a private chat-group public as soon as it hits a certain (unilaterally determined) size threshold:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/08/faq-why-brazils-plan-mandate-traceability-private-messaging-apps-will-break-users
The combination of:
prohibiting broad, poorly defined speech categories;
harsh penalties for underblocking; and
requiring swift compliance without time for adequate assessment or counternotifications;
all guarantee that tech giants will block all kinds of speech.
But not all speech is equally at risk. People who are already marginalised are disproportionately likely to be censored under rules like this. That’s what happened with the US’s SESTA-FOSTA rule, nominally intended to prevent sexual trafficking.
In reality, the primary targets of this law became lawful, consensual sex workers, who are exposed to far more risk now that they can no longer operate forums where they trade “bad date” lists and other safety information.
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/03/how-congress-censored-internet
This discrimination is sticky, because SESTA caused the shuttering of forums where sex workers advocated for their rights. The more marginalised the speaker, the worst it is — which is why the most heavily impacted group is trans women of colour.
https://swopusa.org/blog/2015/11/12/trans-day-of-remembrance-statement-fact-sheet/
As ever, Michael Geist is the absolute best authority to refer to on this. Geist has documented the “beware of the leopard”-style secrecy of the Liberals, who have taken great pains to shield this policy-making from public scrutiny.
https://www.michaelgeist.ca/2021/07/onlineharmsnonconsult/
But despite all the tactical obscurity, there IS a way that Canadians can weigh in on this, through this online consultation form. All Canadians should submit comments on this.
https://www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/campaigns/harmful-online-content.html
Online harms rules are a human rights disaster. They’ve been roundly criticised by UN Rapporteurs and civil society groups all over the world.
https://spcommreports.ohchr.org/TMResultsBase/DownLoadPublicCommunicationFile?gId=26385
France’s version — which was not as extreme as Canada’s — was struck down as unconstitutional.
https://www.eff.org/press/releases/victory-french-high-court-rules-most-hate-speech-bill-would-undermine-free-expression
None of this is to say the tech giants are good for speech. They’re terrible at moderation — of course they are. The problem with Facebook isn’t merely that Zuck is a shitty online emperor for three billion people — it’s that no one should have the job of “online emperor.”
But the Canadian proposal will ensure that these tech giants are the last generation of online platforms, by imposing a duty to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on speech filters — something that only the largest American companies can afford.
This forecloses on the goal of whittling tech giants to size through interoperability, ending the possibility that co-operatives, nonprofits and startups could independently manage their own spaces that were still connected to the platforms.
https://locusmag.com/2021/07/cory-doctorow-tech-monopolies-and-the-insufficient-necessity-of-interoperability/
Canada is not alone in planning to convert the tech giants into constitutional monarchs, offering them perpetual dominance in exchange for suffering themselves to be regulated in how they rule our digital lives.
But that’s a terrible vision for our online future. We don’t want wise emperors running our digital world — we want to abolish emperors and give people the right to technological self-determination.
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/utilities-governed-empires
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Didn't You Know? (Post Reveal/Pre Relationship)
Summary:
Marinette is sick and realizes that Adrien has a secret to tell her.
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The music was loud.
Far too loud.
But she knew at the same time that she was drunk, far too drunk; so that might have played a part in it. Adrien sitting at the bar with girls surrounding him—draped on his shoulders and with hands on his knees— might have also played a part in it. Because she’s tired, and sick, and lonely; and he’s there like he always is, waiting to take her home, waiting to take care of her because he feels like it’s his duty.
Because he’s Chat Noir and she’s Ladybug, and he promised one day however many years ago that he would always take care of her. Now she has to live with that. Now she has to live with wanting him, but still not fucking saying it.
And just when her night seems like it can’t get worse, some guy dumps a pint of whiskey on the front of her dress and makes to clean it up, his napkin at the ready to blot it like this totally isn’t some pre-planned thing—
“Oof,” a familiar voice says beside her, placing his sweatshirt around her shoulders before she can even protest and pushing the hands away before the man can try to ‘help’. “Thank you for that, but she’s already taken care of, I think I’m gonna take her home.”
And immediately the guy, some big burly man likely in his thirties, is flinging accusations and acting like he knows everything. “And who are you to do that?” Like he wasn’t just trying to do something awful.
“I’m her husband,” Adrien says, flashing a black and green ring while throwing a cheeky smile over his shoulder as he pulled the two edges of his sweatshirt a little bit closer around her. “Happily married,” he mutters, his eyes softening as they landed on hers and he saw her pull the sweatshirt on to really sell the statement. He leaned forward to zip it up, throwing the man another smile, this one verging on a warning as he placed his hand on Marinette’s shoulder.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” the man began, blinking as Adrien made to herd her away.
“It’s fine,” Adrien said, his arm around her shoulders and his eyes staying firmly on her. “She’s going home.” In a stage whisper, he added, “you’re sick, aren’t you sweetheart?”
Which was only half because of the other man and half because she actually was sick, and he wanted an answer.
She had been wondering how long she could keep it from him that night, how long she could last dancing with Alya and accepting only water. Now that he knew who she was, Adrien had a way of seeing through all of her other disguises too. Like her telling herself that she wasn’t sick and trying to act like she wasn’t sick.
Even though a small part of her was afraid she might have caught the flu or been suffering from some sign of overwork…
“I’m going to get your coat,” he said, guiding her near the door.
“Are you also going to go and tell more people that we’re married?” She asked wearily, swaying on her feet.
He laughed, leaving a small kiss on her forehead that almost made her cross her eyes. “I tell everyone I’m married; it keeps them from hitting on me and technically I am…” He raised his hand, waggling his eyebrows at her, “married to the job,” he joked. “I’m taken in more ways than one.”
She wished she didn’t laugh, if only because it encouraged that type of thing. As his friend, she shouldn’t have been happy that he was sitting in clubs with his miraculous on his ring finger, turning away girls who could have been something to him. As his friend, she shouldn’t have raised the sleeve of his sweatshirt to her nose as he walked away, smelling the soft cologne that he’s taken to wearing instead of the Agreste branded stuff.
She really sucked at this whole being his friend thing. More so now than ever.
He reappeared with her jacket, her housekeys in his hand. He didn’t, of course, make any moves to replace the sweatshirt around her shoulders, just another addition to the list of many things that would always make her wonder about where she actually stood with him.
Alya always insisted that he liked her and was just waiting for the right time to say anything, but two years had passed since they’d revealed their identities and Marinette had started to doubt that. If it was more than a childhood crush, he would have told her by now.
Then again, she thought as she watched him wait for their taxi, she hadn’t told him.
***********************************
Adrien unlocked her door and hauled her stuff inside, Marinette following closely behind. He reached around her once she was safely inside, closing the door and locking it.
“I’ll stay on the couch tonight in case you need anything,” he informed her. Adrien was often overbearing when she was sick, a trait that he’d picked up from her once she learned that no one was really around to care for him when the boy was sick. It almost became tradition for the man to sleep in her living room whenever she was ill, another reason why she didn’t want him to know.
It was almost painful how much he cared.
That was the problem with the two of them, someday he would get a girlfriend or she would have another boyfriend, and they would tell him how weird this was, that he cared way too much for the young woman and she cared too far beyond reason for him as well. Then it would end.
She didn’t want it to end.
She wanted a thousand different things in her life, like to start her own fashion line and see the world, but she didn’t want Adrien to leave her.
She was in love with Chat Noir. How long? She couldn’t tell you. Before the reveal, probably. Before she knew that he shared those green eyes with the other guy who made her chest feel heavy and her breathing weak.
“You should shower,” Adrien said. “Are you hungry? We didn’t go out to eat this time.”
“I had a microwave meal.”
“You didn’t eat then,” Adrien proclaimed, marching into her kitchen. Ever since he learned how to cook one summer at Nino’s grandparents, he was a storm in the kitchen. He made food for her whenever he could, always watching her closely for her reaction to that first bite. It reminded her of her father in a way, that excitement to watch her experience new things and know that he was responsible.
She sighed, lumbering into the kitchen on exhausted legs and wrapping her arms around his back, burying her face into it and murmuring her thanks. “I love you,” she mumbled, such a common phrase from her that it always just slipped out.
“I love you too,” he stated, his hands wrapping around hers and giving a reassuring squeeze. “You can put on a new one of my sweatshirts when you get out of the shower,” he said, because eventually she had started a whole collection of them without thinking about it.
She nodded, bending over to remove her high heels before traveling further into the apartment. He was already at her feet by the time she’d managed to overcome dizziness and bend over, beginning the process of unbuckling her heels and tossing them aside.
She blinked at him, feeling his soft blond hair brush against her leg and immediately giving into the urge to touch it. Her hand wove through the back of his hair and he pressed a small kiss to her leg as he finished the last shoe, tossing them aside. “There,” he said, smiling up at her.
She really hoped he thought she was red from the fever.
Freed from her shoes, she felt the world blink in and out as she stumbled to her bathroom, turning the shower on cold to combat her fever despite her body’s pleas not to. She practically fell into the shower and she knew that he heard, rushing to the door as quick as possible. “I’m fine,” she called before he could so much as knock, blinking at the mixture of shampoos and soaps before her. When would she finally make room for Adrien to have his own shelf? She shook her head, tempted as always to see if there was some magic in his fifty-dollar shampoo, but settling for her strawberry-scented one instead. Adrien had teased her the last time she’d used anything on his recommendation.
Finally clean, she emerged from the bathroom, walking the short distance in her towel before ending up in her room. “It’s almost done,” Adrien said from the kitchen as she pulled on a pair of joggers and one of his old sweatshirts, pulling her hair into a sad attempt of a bun.
Deeming herself close enough to presentable, she moved back into the kitchen, steadying herself on the wall when he noticed her and his face broke into a smile.
“You didn’t have any chicken stock, so I made leek soup,” he said, gesturing to the bowls, one for her, one for him.
She nodded, grabbing the bowl and moving to the living room, scooting too close into his side when he settled on the couch beside her, flicking on the tv. He threw on the show they’d been watching recently, a bad soap opera about werewolves that had the sets falling apart around them. She let out the softest yawn when the theme music began, sinking further and further into him until he finally finished his food, placing his arm around her.
“When is she finally going to realize that he’s in love with her,” she grumbled. “I mean, they’re dating, aren’t they?”
“I don’t know,” Adrien said, pulling the empty bowl from her lap and pulling her on top of him, the two laying together as the show continued to play. His eyebrows furrowed, concern for the characters showing on his face, “I mean, she has stuff at his place and everything.”
That didn’t mean anything, Marinette had things at Adrien’s place. She had more than one drawer, a whole closet even. “I mean, he said he’s in love with her, right?”
“Yeah,” Adrien agreed. “And they go practically everywhere together, people invite them as a couple.”
“And he sends her all these texts every day of things that she’s into!” Marinette complained. “I don’t know much about love, but that seems like it’s part of it.”
“Mhm,” Adrien agreed, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Thank you for the recipes the other day, by the way.”
“No problem—” she began, and then stopped, her eyes sliding over to him. He still watched the tv with the same expression, not even giving what he’d done a second thought.
“I think he’s finally about to say it,” Adrien stated with a frown. “It’s taken long enough.”
But Marinette couldn’t focus on the show at all. All she could do was stare at him. “You almost kissed me,” she marveled.
He cast her a questioning look, looking over at her just slightly before turning back to the tv. “Do you want me to fully kiss you, or?”
Marinette straightened, using her forearms to jerk back from him, her eyes wide.
He blinked, turning around to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Marinette?”
“You kissed me,” she repeated, deciding at the corner was good enough and reaching to touch her mouth with her hand almost absentmindedly, tumbling against his chest in the process.
“Yes?” He said, peeling her off him to look him in the eyes. “I mean, that’s what people do when they’re dating—”
Her mouth fell open.
“Marinette..?”
“We’re dating?!” She yelled, her eyes wild.
He immediately flattened against the couch, looking almost as shocked at the statement as she was. “Marinette, I have stuff at your apartment, you have stuff at mine. I cook for you, we have shows. We watched all of Naruto together. You tell me you love me every day, and I say it back.”
“But that’s—We—” She floundered, almost falling off the couch.
Adrien’s hand caught her. “Marinette, be careful, you have a fever—”
“How long?” She asked, slumping into his hand. “We haven’t even kissed—”
“To be fair, we have kissed plenty of times before and I just assumed—”
“How. Long.” She repeated, and she could see the pure terror grow in his eyes.
“Two weeks?” He said, quickly explaining, “I mean, I sent you that long text about how much I liked you and you sent me back that you would be lucky to be my girlfriend, any girl would—”
She gasped, almost falling backward this time before his hands plastered themselves to the small of her back, the young man sitting up beneath her.
“Marinette?!”
“You’re my boyfriend,” she said loudly. “Oh my god, you’re my boyfriend.”
“Is that a bad thing?” He frowned.
“But you tell people that you’re married—”
“As a private joke,” he corrected. “I also tell people that I’m taken, not as a joke.” His hands pulled back from her, his voice almost unsure as he asked, “do you not want to be?”
“Of course, I want to be,” she squeaked. “I mean, that’s like asking someone if they want to be rich, or have a room full of puppies, or cure cancer—”
The corner of his mouth rose in a smirk.
“It’s just that I didn’t know,” she finished. “I haven’t even kissed you. And now I’m sick and I have this boyfriend here to take care of me, and he’s going to sleep on the couch…” Marinette struggled to list everything else wrong.
Adrien didn’t give her a chance.
No, instead he grabbed the side of her face and pulled her down, pressing his lips against hers in a firm, inarguable kiss.
“Well, I don’t have to sleep on the couch…” he said as he pulled away.
#lovesquare#post reveal pre relationship#marinette dupain cheng#adrien ageste#ladybug#chat noir#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic#miraculous fanfiction#miraculous ladybug fanfiction#this isn't a fill this is for me#this is from my wips#my fanfic
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Amphibia Headcanon Time because I like to suffer and make suffer
So since it's canon Mrs. Boonchuy stopped counting the days since Anne left at about 3 months and it seems kind of abrupt I have a feeling her husband dragged her out of it.
He noticed it brought her down even more than Anne's disappearance already does in itself, for her to live in some sort of dream world where one day she stops counting when Anne returns and where she constantly lives out and sees what the future could be. Her coping mechanism probably did more damage than good and he sees that.
We know of Mr. Boonchuy that he is a man who loves and cherishes his girls- his wife and daughter- unbelievably much and he would probably lay the world at their feet if he could. He's miserable after Anne's disappearance too. He's devastated as much as his wife is. He probably has the same thoughts she has regarding Anne and her disappearance. He's probably equally disappointed and enraged about the police not being able to find even a single clue.
But I have the feeling he accepted it quicker. I'm not saying he moved on - no loving parent would ever truly move on from their child disappearing, it's a parent's worst nightmare and hell on earth, he's still heartbroken- but that he realized that being so optimistic about the case, hoping Anne will come back (which I'm sure he also still did) excessively like his wife probably did with her count, when there is no hint of what really happened, when it seems like Anne just vanished into thin air, when nobody knows anything and nobody can find anything (notice it has been almost three months of investigation and searching)... I have the feeling he tried to push himself to accept it.
That it will be better for his own health if he accepts Anne is gone and doesn't sit and wait for her to come through the door everyday anew. He keeps the wish and hope that his little girl returns someday and that she is well and safe somewhere, of course he does, but it doesn't take that much hostage of his mind. It's always there. But in a lighter way than his wife has it.
So... seeing his wife get worse, seeing her hide and isolate herself in the workout room maybe even longer and longer with every day makes him suffer too. He has lost his daughter already, he can't "lose" his wife too.
He reaches out to her, he talks to her, comforts her the best way he can while going through the same pain and tries to pull her out of the darkness. He doesn't press her to accept it right away. But he asks her to try it, with baby steps. For her own sake. He can't lose her too.
So she starts with stopping the count. Spends more time with her husband. Stops isolating from him. Reduces her time in the workout room until it is no true necessity and part of her everyday life. They both stop isolating from the outside world little by little... Anne is never forgotten, she is part of their everyday life still.
And just as they both tried and tried to accept it more and to live with what has happened, there is a knock on the front door.
"Hi, mom"
watch me turn this into a comic
#amphibia#amphibia headcanons#anne boonchuy#mrs. boonchuy#mr. boonchuy#mrs boonchuy#mr boonchuy#angst
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the JGY amnesia Fic
[AN: Someday I will come up with decent titles for my fics... but not now XD I hope you like this fic, the premise is that the issue with XY and NMJ happens before JZX’s death, and so the argument and the stairs moves up in the timeline! And JGY hits his head and gets TV-show amnesia, and remembers no one, not even himself, but is otherwise his sharp, suspicious self...]
He wakes up sure that he is dying, nothing else could hurt so sharp, agonizing pain radiating out from the back of his head, stabbing sharply every time he is swung, and he forces his eyes open. The light burns, but he can make out an earth green and brown collar, and a strong jawline. He is being carried by this man.
He doesn’t know who this is, but he feels… safe. Even though every step this man takes makes his eyes water.
He blacks out.
*
His name is Jin Guangyao. It rolls smoothly off his tongue, but sits wrongly in his mind. “Temporary amnesia,” the doctor had informed him, when Jin Guangyao could not tell him the answers to any pf his questions; not his name, or the date, or where they were.
A fancy young master in white-and-gold robes, who introduces himself as Jin Zixuan, is the one who sits by his side and tells Jin Guangyao the basics of his life. There is such an obvious lack of detail that it leaves him intrigued. And Jin Zixuan looks ashamed when Jin Guangyao asked if he was Jin Zixuan’s uncle. “No, I’m your older brother,” he says. “We… we share a birthday, but you’re a day younger.”
Jin Guangyao watches him for a moment, and wonders at the source of his brother’s shame. “I’m a bastard, aren’t I?” he asks.
“My father legitimized you!” Jin Zixuan protests. “You’re my brother.”
Jin Guangyao smiles at him. This man is clearly naïve, but has no ill-intent. The man who had named Jin Guangyao Jin Guangyao, however? He is yet to ascertain that.
*
Jin Guangyao’s memory doesn’t return within the first week. With his head injury healed, though, he’s allowed to leave the infirmary which allows him to collect a lot more useful data.
There is a lot of work piled up in his room. Disorganized, as if someone had gone through it to take the important paperwork to work on while he is <infirm>. That he was assigned so much work that was non-essential makes him wonder if he was actually pretty low on the social ladder, here. He goes through all of them anyway, most of it is useful information, painting a picture of Jin sect’s activities, and the sorts of projects that they allow to drag on for weeks. Jin Guangyao has left meticulous notes in a separate notebook about how to put everything into a more sensible order. That such reworking was required
His accessories, or lack-there-of, are even more enlightening. There’s also a scholarly-sort of hat, and only a few cheap hair ribbons. Nothing at all like the intricate jade hairpins or crowns with intricate metalwork and precious stones that Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun wore daily.
Jin Guangyao’s place here is… obvious.
He wonders who the man who had picked him up after his injury, was. No one tells him, not even Jin Zixuan, he just pats Jin Guangyao’s hand and says, “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” The implications of that are obvious, of course, that the stranger was the one who had hurt him. And yet it’s a subject no one speaks of, of how Jin Guangyao had fallen down the thousand steps of Koi Tower, and he hadn’t asked after the first two times. He stays wary, watching everyone. Someone had tried to kill him, and he doesn’t even remember which of his acquaintances might want him dead.
*
Lan Xichen arrives two days after his release from the infirmary, Lan-Zongzhu, according to everyone else. He’s beautiful, the most beautiful person that Jin Guangyao has ever seen. Since he remembers all of a week, this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but Jin Guangyao could probably search for decades and not find anyone more beautiful. It would not be fair.
They have tea together, after Lan Xichen – “Call me er-ge, you are my sworn brother, A-Yao,” – has checked him over worriedly, and checked his meridians, and pressed his fingertips gently to the back of Jin Guangyao’s head, to where his head injury had been, and ascertained that he truly is well.
“They did not tell me you were injured,” he says. “Da-ge had to, and this is the week of new students for the summer lectures, I could not leave. Jin Zixuan promised me you were well, though,” he says. Sincerity shines through him, and Jin Guangyao wonders what on earth he, an unwelcome child in his own family, could have done to make this man care for him.
So he asks.
Lan Xichen describes a heroic young man, who gave him shelter when he needed it most, who had smiled and laughed at him, and helped him with chores he could not do, and gave him the strength to fight a war. Lan Xichen tells him that this kind young man had gone into a war that did not affect him, only to help, that he had turned spy against a raging mad man, and finally taken off his head.
“So that is why my father took me in,” says Jin Guangyao. There’s a flicker of pain on Lan Xichen’s face as Jin Guangyao tells him what he’s surmised about how he’s treated here. “Did you know?” asks Jin Guangyao.
“I suspected,” Lan Xichen says softly. “But you were too proud to tell me. You insisted you were happy here. I visited when I could, but I never… I’m so sorry.”
Jin Guangyao reaches out to pat Lan Xichen’s hand, it feels so familiar, even if Jin Guangyao can’t remember doing it before. He must have, Lan Xichen’s sad face cannot be borne. “I’m sure I didn’t want to bother you, er-ge. You’re overworking yourself even now.” The signs are there, even behind his flawless composure. “You look so tired.”
“I had to come,” says Lan Xichen. “I was so scared that you…” He trails off, then turns his hand, holding onto him tightly. “If you don’t remember your place at Koi tower, do you want to return with me until your memory recovers? We’re still reconstructing, but Cloud Rececsses is still an excellent place to ”
“This Jin Guangyao is honoured, but what if it doesn’t?” asks Jin Guangyao practically. “I can’t just leave my home like that.” More quietly, he adds, “There must have been some reason I didn’t leave before.”
“You never said, exactly, but I believe it was because of your mother,” says Lan Xichen. “She wished that you would gain your father’s recognition, and a place at Koi Tower.”
“Do you know anything about her?” Jin Guangyao is not an idiot, he knows from the snide remarks, the way that people try not to touch him that he is of low birth, that his mother’s occupation was. That. He wonders if Lan Xichen will lie to him.
“She was an educated woman,” he says. “A renowned beauty. You’ve told me that you take after her, in many ways. She was skilled in the arts. She never taught you art but she was your master in calligraphy and music. She loved you very much and wanted you to have a good education because she knew… she knew that A-Yao is so incredibly smart and destined for greater things.” He squeezes Jin Guangyao’s hand. “Her life was not easy. She suffered, but she loved you. She would be proud of you, to know how much you achieved.”
It should matter, it does matter, Jin Guangyao’s heart squeezes, but it is from sympathy for what Lan Xichen is feeling. The dark honey-gold eyes are bright with tears. Clearly Jin Guangyao had loved her very much, before. But Jin Guangyao cannot find in him any love for a woman that Jin Guangyao cannot imagine. A woman with his face, a prostitute, but educated, talented. And ambitious to have Jin Guangshan’s son.
“My father did not take her in, I gather?”
“He did not. She died of illness shortly before I met you.”
“Thank you for telling me,” says Jin Guangyao.
*
Lan Xichen stays an entire afternoon, and readies himself to leave at dusk. Jin Guangyao accompanies him to the sky-pavilion on Koi Tower that the Jin disciples use to take off from.
There’s a last nagging question that Jin Guangyao hadn’t managed to slide into the conversation, as it meandered into cultivation theory and Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen had tried to piece out some kind of pattern in what kinds of cultivation knowledge he had retained, and what he had forgotten. It had been an interesting exercise.
“Er-ge, before you go,” says Jin Guangyao. He looks around cautiously, but no one is near enough to overhear. “You’re older than Jin Zixuan, aren’t you?” he asks, and Lan Xichen nods. “So our da-ge… you never said. Is he… did he die during the war?”
“No!” cries Lan Xichen. “A-Yao no, he’s not. He’s fine, he just could not find time to visit.”
Lie.
It’s the first time Lan Xichen has lied to him today, but Jin Guangyao is certain of it.
“No one talks about him, and I couldn’t find any letters from him. I did find a few of yours. No one even says his name. Who is he?”
“Nie Mingjue,” says Lan Xichen, sounding defeated. “Of course you would think to ask, but his name is Nie Mingjue.”
Everything falls into place. Jin Guangyao has seen some Nie disciple couriers on their way to private meetings with his father and the Jin council of elders. Hard faced and angry looking, they kept to themselves and departed the moment they could, without staying for a meal or entertainment.
“You think he pushed me down the stairs,” says Jin Guangyao.
“No,” says Lan Xichen. “We know he did. He kicked you down the stairs. He–”
“And you believe that?” asks Jin Guangyao.
“Of course I do,” says Lan Xichen. “Da-ge was the one who told me. I knew that things were difficult between the two of you, recently, but I had not imagined… It does not matter, we are looking through the records now, so that you can be free of your vows to him, and even if we can’t find something, he won’t visit Koi Tower again, Jin-zongzhu has forbidden it.”
“Oh,” says Jin Guangyao, mind whirring. “Okay then.”
“Is A-Yao afraid we’re covering something up?” asks Lan Xichen. Jin Guangyao is not sure what gave it away, he thought he’d kept his face smooth.
“Naturally I trust er-ge,” he says, smiling up at him. “I just remember him, vaguely. He picked me up. He saved me.”
It’s Jin Guangyao’s first memory, pained and fragmented though it is.
“He did take you up to the infirmary right after,” Lan Xichen agrees. He looks faintly puzzled, like he’s not sure why that matters to Jin Guangyao.
“I understand,” says Jin Guangyao. “Nie-zongzhu would of course regret his action after his moment of anger.”
“He does,” Lan Xichen assures him. “You should write to him, if you are willing to accept his apologies, but Da-ge is terribly sorry.”
“Thank you er-ge, I will,” Jin Guangyao promises. The relief on Lan Xichen’s face is too pure for this world.
He waves goodbye after Lan Xichen takes off, and steps back into the maze of Koi Tower, mulling over all the new knowledge that Lan Xichen had brought with him. He was right, he should write to Nie Mingjue.
But after some more research.
What could they have possibly quarrelled about so badly?
Jin Guangyao makes his way back to his rooms, keeping his face expressionless at the gilded opulence and overt unfriendliness of his home. He doesn’t understand his past self at all.
Why does he still live here, where he’s so clearly unwanted?
Why did he even care for the acknowledgement of Jin Guangshan, who from even just Jin Guangyao’s few interactions this week and the gossip he’s picked up, is a selfish, disgusting pervert who wouldn’t spit on Jin Guangyao if he was on fire.
Just because his mother wanted him to?
She was a good woman, he hears again, in Lan Xichen’s sincere voice. But Jin Guangyao doesn’t get it. She had to have been a fool, to believe in Jin Guangshan, or terribly cold and cruel to send him to Jin Guangshan knowing exactly what kind of derision would await him here. He is a war hero, and yet he’s treated like a servant.
Jin Guangyao is in the mood to be charitable, so he picks the former.
He still doesn’t know why he stayed.
[You can now read part 2 here!]
#meng yao#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#lan xichen#3zun#fix-it#JGY revaluating his own life objectively#amnesia#the fictional kind
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Go on without me (Agatha x reader)
a/n: i took this idea and some dialogues from a song in spanish named "Sigue sin mi" by Marco Antonio Solis, in case you want to listen it.
Warnings: angst.
"Forgive me"
You blinked and slowly opened your eyes, frowning at the darkness around you. Your room was never dark and you remembered perfectly well leaving the hall light on. Now that you thought about it, you went to sleep a few hours ago. Why weren't you in bed? Or better yet, where were you?
"Forgive me"
The voice sounded a little louder this time, though it was still a whisper. You turned around, following it in the dark. You knew who it was, but the pain you heard didn’t match the image you had of her.
"Aggie?" you whispered when you saw a figure in front of you.
The witch turned to look at you and you gasped, taking a step back. She was crying, and her eyes were filled with pain and remorse. This was not your Agatha, this was a broken woman.
"I'm sorry" she whispered. "Forgive my big mistake"
You tried to get closer to her, but it seemed like there was an invisible barrier between you two.
"Aggie" you said "what's going on?"
The witch just looked at you sadly as she moved her hands and various images began to appear around you. You saw everything, from the night she left, promising to return, to her arrival in a small town, the way she pretended to be Wanda's friend, how she sabotaged various things to further destabilize her, how she killed a dog, kidnapped some children and fought the Scarlet Witch. You saw how she tried to steal the chaos magic. You saw her losing.
You gasped when the scene of her punishment played out in front of you. Wanda had condemned her to the same torture that the town's residents had suffered, she had trapped her in the role she had chosen. Agnes.
"Aggs-"
"I don't have much time" she interrupted. "I managed to break one of the seals, just so I could see you, even if it's this way"
Then you got it. You were on a different plane. Your mind connected to hers, but your bodies thousands of miles apart. That is why there was a barrier between you.
"Tell me what to do" you said "W-where are you?! I'll get you out of there" you promised.
Agatha smiled sadly at you and shook her head. You felt your stomach churn as more tears fell down her cheeks.
"Forget me" she told you.
You froze.
"wh-what?" you whispered, fear spreading through your chest.
"Forget me" she repeated "you have to move on"
"What are you talking about?" you said, getting as close to the wall as you could.
"You were right. I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have wanted more power ... I shouldn't have left you" she cried
"Don’t worry. We can fix this" you smiled at her, even though you could already feel your tears as well.
"I'm afraid there's no way to fix it" she said "I won't be coming home this time, love" her eyes were full of guilt
"No, don't say that" you begged, as tears began to spill onto your cheeks.
"Go on without me" she whispered.
"No" you said firmly "I won't leave you"
"You have to" she pleaded "Forget me. I wish the best for you, find someone who loves you as much as I do, I hope that love and luck will follow you wherever you are"
“NO” you yelled “Tell me where you are, Agatha, tell me what to do! Tell me how to help you! And stop this nonsense!” you demanded
"Go on without me" she said again.
"I can't" you said "Y-you, you promised that you would come back. You said that when you came back you would teach me magic. You said that you would make me part of your world. You promised Harkness, you fucking promised!"
"My world is not that beautiful, and you already see it, Y/N" she said, pointing to the frozen images around you "You have to run away from it before you get hurt"
"I don't care! You promised we would be together!"
You were hurt and angry. But more than anything, scared. Scared because she wasn't fighting, because she wasn't trying to break Wanda's spell, not beyond what she had already done to contact you.
"This is my fault, right?" you fell to your knees "I wasn't enough for you ..." Out of the corner of your eye you saw Agatha kneel in front of you on the other side of the barrier.
"No honey" she said she "you were more than I deserved"
"Then why do you want this?" you asked
"Because it's not your fault that everything turns out the other way around for me, Y/N" she sobbed "I know you are not happy. It is not fair that you pay for my mistakes, love"
You looked at her through your tears and wished you could hug her, kiss her. Feel her.
"I was happy Agatha" you said
"And you'll be again once you forget me" she said, but you weren't having it.
"I was happy before you left" you almost screamed "I was happy when I woke up with you, when you kissed me, when you took me by the hand, when you patiently explained your magic to me. You make me happy"
The witch just looked at you and sobbed even louder. This was too hard for her, she hated seeing you like this and she hated that it was her fault, that she was hurting you. For a moment, she was tempted to change her mind, but she had made up her mind. You deserved better.
"Fight" you said "fight. You can stop this, you already broke one of the seals, you can break the rest. I know you can Aggie, please" you begged.
Agatha knew you were right. She was powerful enough to break the seals that held her prisoner in her own mind. It would take her time, months, maybe even years, but she could do it. But she was sure that you would wait for her as long as it took. And that was exactly what she didn't want. She didn't want to stop you, she didn't want to steal more time from you. She wanted you to move on, to live, to be happy even if she was not by your side.
And she was tired. Very tired.
"From fighting without succeeding now my feet have gotten tired, love" she told you, asking for your forgiveness with her eyes.
"Please" you whispered, but she shook her head.
"Go on without me" she said for the third time "from here I will ask that your life go better"
"No" you sobbed "I don't know how to live without you, Aggie" you confessed
"You will learn" she assured you "you will find someone else who will teach you to do it"
"I don't want someone else!" you screamed
"Love, please. I don't want you to get hurt" she sniffed, resting a hand on the barrier that separated you.
"And what do you think you're doing right now, Harkness?!" you growled "You say you don't want to hurt me, but you're sticking daggers in my chest! You say it wasn't your intention, that you want me to move on, well you would have thought about it when you looked at me with that damn smile that made me tremble, or before you stole the kiss that made me feel like I was something special "You hit the wall hard, scaring her" You didn't want to hurt me, you wanted to kill me! "
Agatha felt her heart break even more with every word that came out of your mouth. She wanted to hug you, kiss you, tell you that you were special, that she loved you. But someday you would thank her for this, even if you couldn't remember her.
"You have to understand" she whispered "You already suffered with me, you only deserve love from now on"
"Tell me who gave you the right to want to save me" You screamed, looking into her eyes "You couldn't hurt me more than this" you whispered, feeling the anger move away and transform into pure sadness "if I'm with you it's because I want to be, Agatha"
The witch couldn't hold your gaze and with a wave of her hand, the barrier disappeared. You gasped when you almost fell on your face, but she managed to catch you. No, no, no ... she could control it?! She could let you kiss her, hug her, and she hadn't done it before?!
But she was doing it now.
Agatha lifted your chin and kissed you firmly, erasing the anger you had and, for a moment, the sadness as well. That kiss gave you hope, that she had reconsidered, that she was going to keep her promise and come back to you.
The witch tried to put all of her emotions into the kiss. She wanted you to know that she loved you, that you had always been the best thing life gave her and that she would do anything for you. Anything.
Even let you go.
You gasped as you felt her vanish in your arms. You were waking up.
"No, no, Agatha, no, don't do this to me" you begged her, scared. You tried to hold on to her, but you were losing her.
"You have to live" she whispered, giving you one last kiss
"No! Agatha, please!" you screamed, everything around you was fading fast. You looked at her while she smiled sadly at you "... I love you" you whispered
"I love you too" she said before disappearing.
_________
You gasped when you woke up. Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and you quickly wiped them away with your hand. You looked at it, confused.
"How weird" you said "I must have had a bad dream"
Although you weren't really sure what you had dreamed of, you couldn't remember it. But it wasn't strange, was it? People often forget their dreams.
You shrugged as you fell asleep again. You didn't feel the engagement ring disappear from your finger.
____________
Meanwhile, somewhere in an abandoned town, a woman smiled as she removed a ring from her finger. She wasn't sure where it was from, but she did know that she didn't need it anymore. She kept it in a box that she left to the bottom of a forgotten drawer.
She paid no attention to the tear that rolled down her cheek. She had been crying a lot, she realized. It must be the allergies.
____________
Agatha sighed and whispered, knowing that no one would listen to her. Not Agnes, not you.
"Meanwhile, here I will cry with my mistake"
#x reader#reader insert#imagine#agatha harkness#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness imagine#agatha harkness x y/n#agnes x reader#agatha harkness x you#my gif#finally xD#Listen#i'm sorry#but i did warn you all#ah i forgot#some dialogues are taken from#no querías lastimarme#by Gloria Trevi
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Mind Controlled – The Series.
Part 2 – Pull the trigger.
Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader, Alex Danvers x Niece!Reader, Lex Luthor x Niece!Reader.
Word count: 2300.
Warning: Injuries, violence, pain, angst.
Previously on the series - part 1
You land on the same room, on the same building, waiting for Lex's voice to come out of the speaker with further instructions. You’re ready to do whatever he asks from you.
“You’re back, my bösewicht.” You hear his voice sometime later. “I presume you have done a good job leaving your mothers wrecked?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Such an obedient little monster. A Super with a Luthor’s brain. Why has no one thought about this before? Oh yes, I have. But they called me a mad man for it, and yet here you are.” And there you are. Standing still, staring at a wall, waiting for more orders. “In that stupid outfit, dear Lord, why would anyone be dressed in those stupid clothes?”
You look down on your super suit. You do look stupid. This stupid skirt, horrible boots, long sleeve shirt so tight if you were human, it would mark your skin. It makes you so sick you want to rip it off of your body.
“Nevertheless, with you playing pet for me, I can do whatever I want even still in jail.” The static comes again, but Lex doesn’t stop talking. “I should’ve known Lena would be greedy and want a smart and powerful kid. But I hadn’t had confirmation, that was until mother came here to visit and told me all about you. So impressed with her little granddaughter.” He lets out a chuckle. “I can’t imagine how infuriated she’ll be once she finds out it was her, who gave me the idea to mind control you.”
You think about Lillian, and how impressed she is with you. You give yourself a cocky smile. She should be impressed, you are impressive.
“Kryptonians might have strong minds, but Luthors? We’re unfortunately just humans. So my bright sister didn’t think that having a powerful kryptonian daughter with a susceptible mind wasn’t a good idea?” He scoffs. "Oh, Lena. You may try, but you will never be smart like me.”
There’s a loud breathing sound.
“That’s enough of chatting. I have better things for you to do, my bösewicht. You’ll break me out of jail when it’s time, but first-” There’s a wicked little pause. “Let’s destroy the Super name.”
Your body is suddenly filled with rage and wrath. You want to destroy everything. You want to drop a bomb in everyone’s head. You want to make them suffer.
“That’s it. Use your rage. Destroy National City, scare them, let them see you in your worst form. Let them fear the Supers, and then, come for me.”
“Yes, sir.”
You fly off the window, looking for a place to start. You want to cause damage, you want them to be scared of you, whoever they may be.
You start off by using your heat vision to draw the ‘House of El’ symbol in the middle of the park, so they know who’s responsible for all that it is coming their way. You watch the grass burning, the form coming along and your heart beats fast, enthusiastic.
You didn’t even start the destruction part yet, and this already feels fulfilling. You know exactly where to go next.
You fly to your training center and you look down. This stupid-ass place gives you no good memories at all. You got beat up, got yelled at, got annoyed every time your powers didn’t work like they were supposed to, got angry at people looking at you thinking you weren’t good enough. You remember their disapproving looks; you remember the tiniest of sighs you’ve heard.
Fuck them all.
Your heat vision hits the ground, and your heart gets heavy, but your powers never stop. You can almost taste the feeling of being a disappointment in your mouth. And it gets you incredibly proud of yourself. You want to disappoint them. Them being proud of you means nothing at all.
You look down on the entire place up in flames. This is the right thing. Destroying this place will send them a message. You are not their little pet anymore. They can’t keep you under a leash, pretending you’re not powerful and fucking special. You’re so fucking special, even Lex wants your powers.
It’s not long until Supergirl flies in front of you. You smirk at her looking down. There’s a powerful feeling cursing through your veins. You know she can see it too. Your hair blowing in the wind, your stupid super suit moving almost in slow motion, your eyes burning of rage with little flames dancing in the dark of your enlarged pupils.
“I believe you owe me an apology.” It’s the first thing you say, after unclenching your jaw. “You called me weak.” You spit, disgusted. “You were mistaken.”
“Deeply.” Kara agrees looking down, and you notice the cars from the DEO stopping, people getting out of them in desperation, trying to put out the fire. That makes you so happy. She looks back at you. “Is this what this whole thing is about? You’re trying to prove to me you’re strong, after all this time?”
“Trying?” You scoff, then your face goes back to a frown. “I don’t need to prove myself. Especially not to someone who uses her powers to stop bank robberies instead of having the world under her firm grip.”
“I know you’re not my daughter.” Kara comes a little bit closer; you don’t move. You’re not scared of her, but she should be scared of you. “Are you bizarro?”
“You’re too far consumed in this battle of ego to see right in front of you.” You tilt your head, letting a creepy smile dangle on your lips. “Don’t you recognize your little one, mommy?”
“If that’s the case, then I have to stop you either way, little one.” Kara does her whole superhero pose and you laugh at her.
“You can’t. You don’t have the stomach.” You look down to the ground and you see Lena there. “I see, you won’t be the one doing it. Clean hands, right? Let the Luthor hurt the Kryptonian. It’s the natural order of things.”
“I’m sorry, my love. It has to be done.” Supergirl flies towards you in one motion. You still try to fly away, but she is a little faster, so she grabs you easily. You push her, punch her, you even pull her hair, but she doesn’t let go.
She lands on the floor with you wrapped in her arms, and Lena comes closer. Kryptonite gun in hand. Soon, you’re surrounded by agents with their own guns. Supergirl lets you go, flying above you, but not leaving, in case you decide to make a run for it.
You look at Lena. Gun in hand. You listen to her heartbeat going crazy and you smile at her.
Let’s play, mom.
“Do it.” You dare. “I want to see you pull that trigger. I want to see you hurt your own daughter with Kryptonite.”
“I don’t want to do this, baby.” Lena assures you, taking a small step towards you. “I promise you, I’ll figure out what’s going on with you. You just have to come with me.”
“You’ve always known, haven’t you?” You lock eyes with watery green eyes behind the gun. “You’ve always known someday the Luthor genes would shine through. Because no matter how good the Super gene is, the Luthor one is worse. So, so bad. Rotten to the core. You’ve always known I wouldn’t be able to resist.”
“I’ve told you before. We are not Luthors. We are Luthor-Danvers, and that means something. Please, stand down. Let me look at you.”
“Tell me to stand down one more time and I’ll throw-” You look at one guy on your left and point at him. “That guy into space.”
“Baby.” It’s Lena’s last try, you can see it in her face. You can see the way her finger presses lightly at the trigger. You also hear how that makes everyone else do the exact same movement.
“I’m not going to run away. But I won’t surrender, either.” You defy her. “If you want me to go with you, then you have to do it. You have to pull the trigger and you have to live with the guilt all your life.”
“I’m sorry it has come to this, baby.” But her face doesn’t hold much sentiment, nor does she lower her weapon. “But you know I have to do this. You can’t go on pulling stunts like this. You can’t keep thinking there are no consequences to your actions.”
“You are not sorry.” You smirk. “Don’t try to play me for a fool, Lena.” It’s the way her name leaves your mouth that makes her flinch. “I know you’re dying to pull that trigger and be the one who tamed a Kryptonian once again. It’s what all Luthors want in the end.”
She pulls the trigger, making you fall on the floor in pain, after a blast of kryptonite hits your chest.
“You should be so satisfied now.” You whimper. Kryptonite filling your body. “You’ve used kryptonite on your wife, and now on your daughter. It’s a full circle, isn’t it?” You spit out your words.
Lena puts you in handcuffs that strip you off of your powers, and strokes your cheeks gently. Eyes full of tears and instant regret.
“I’m bringing you back, my baby. I promise you.” She whispers delicately, like she’s not even talking to you anymore, but maybe to the memory she has of you.
But the two agents that come from behind you don’t pick you up delicately. In fact, they seem very pissed at you, and you’re shoved into the back of a van where Alex is.
“Aunt Alex.” You start with your bitchy tone and Alex breathes deep.
“Listen kiddo, I’m not in the mood.” She shakes her head, upset. “You just caused us millions of dollars in damages, Kara is a wreck, and don’t even get me started on Lena.” Alex raises her eyes from her tablet. “I know you’re not yourself, that’s why I don’t give a fuck about this. You start talking? That gag goes in your mouth in a second. Don’t think you can play me like you did with your moms.”
“I think the story would be really different if Lena hadn’t cuffed me and stripped me off of my powers.” You raise an eyebrow, not breaking eye contact. “You’re scared of me too.”
“Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?” Alex smiles unbothered. “I’ve dealt with things much worse, and much scarier than you and your babyface.” She grabs the gag and looks at you. “Now shut it, or I’ll make you.”
You decide to shut up. Your quarrel isn’t with Alex and the last thing you want it’s to be shut up. The best course of action is going willingly, and working something up in the DEO, because you know for sure there is where they’re taking you.
It’s Alex who shoves you inside of a cell, when you get there. Locks the glass door, and turns on some red sun lamps. You bite your mouth at the idea of it. They are very scared of you; they keep finding ways to strip you off of your powers.
It takes a few minutes until you hear talking on the other side of the glass. You can’t see them, or hear them well enough, but there’s one voice that stands out. You bitch grin to yourself.
Let’s play, momma.
"Mommy” You use your best and sweetest voice. Kara comes closer to the glass cell, and you stare at her from the other side. You want to destroy this place brick by brick until there’s nothing left, but you know if you’re aggressive about it, they won’t let you out. “Please, let me out. Can you open the door, please?"
"Kid, I'm sorry but we have to understand what's-" Kara starts, but you interrupt her.
"I'm begging you, please, please mommy." You drop on your knees. Tears falling from your eyes, and that act allures a crowd. Lena and Alex soon join Kara on the other side.
"Baby, I'm sorry." Kara gasps, and you watch Lena’s hand squeezing her shoulder reassuring. “You know I want to-”
"You said you would protect me. This isn't protection.” Your tears stop falling, you’re angry again. The act isn’t working. You clench your fist, using all the strength you have, trying to focus so the anger doesn’t consume you. You feel the palms of your hands burning, with nails digging into your flesh. “Please, this isn’t fair. Mom, please, do something.”
"I swear this is for your own good." Lena takes a deep breath, not buying into what you’re saying. Great. You’re done faking either way.
“FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT OF THIS CELL!” You bang on the cell, screaming as loud as you can. You see your blood leaving hand-shaped marks on the glass. Your scream is loud, but the banging is louder.
“Baby, please, you have to calm down.” You hear Kara’s voice trying to sooth you. It gets you angrier.
"FUCK YOU TOO! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT NOW!" They look at the blood splashed onto the glass. Your face is burning red, and Kara flinches at the sight of you. Lena doesn't, so you know your best shot is with your momma. "Kara, I swear if you don't open this cell right now, I will hate you until the day I die."
“That’s enough.” You hear Alex’s voice and the glass turns black. You can’t see them on the outside, and you know they can’t see inside either. You can’t hear their voices, so you suspect they’re not listening to your unrelenting yell anymore.
Fuck. You need a new escape plan.
#supergirl#kara danvers#lena luthor#supercorp#kara x lena#kara x reader#supercorp daughter#supercorp fanfic#supercorpfamily#lena x reader#reader insert
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wish i were
summary: Emily’s back where she belongs, but she’s learning that you can’t come back from the dead the same as you were before. Spencer’s reeling from betrayal and broken trust. Then there’s you—their safe port in the storm. But you’re not okay either, and you have a choice to make.
pairing: spencer reid x f!reader (unrequited), emily prentiss x f!reader
category: angst
content warnings: lots of swearing, mentions of/implied sex, mentions of vomiting (nothing descriptive), fighting, negative feelings towards other team members, bittersweet ending
a/n: it’s finally here. thank you all for your patience. i wasn’t planning on posting angst and unrequited love on valentine’s day, but i don’t want to wait another day to post this; i’m kinda sick of looking at it tbh. anyways, i hope you enjoy it and it lives up to your expectations. sorry it’s so long. apparently i have a lot to say.
word count: 8.7k
series masterlist || masterlist
Ten weeks ago.
“Absolutely not,” Emily croaks out. Her voice is rough and broken from the breathing tube, and it hurts her throat to speak, but she ignores it. “No. I won’t do it.”
She can hardly believe what she’s hearing. She’s only been awake for a few hours and she’s already fed up with the bullshit the world is throwing at her. Right now, it’s in the form of her boss asking her to fake her own death. “You can’t seriously think this is an acceptable solution.”
Hotch is unreadable, his unit chief face firmly in place. “It’s for your own safety.”
Emily scoffs, then immediately winces at the pain that shoots through her midsection. But she continues. “So put me in a safe house or something. I’m not making my friends bury me.”
“It’s for their safety as well,” he replies. “Doyle’s still out there. He’s targeted them before. You know he’ll do it again to get to you if he finds out you’re alive.”
“Then let them in on this,” she argues. “They can keep a secret.”
His expression slips—just a little bit, but she sees it. It’s hesitance.
“Where’s (Y/N)?” she asks, a feeling of dread settling over her. “I want to see her. I’m not making a decision like this without her.”
Hotch folds his arms over his chest. “It’s not your decision to make, Emily,” he says quietly. “It’s already done.”
Her breath catches in her throat. She looks him up and down, searching desperately for any sign that he’s lying, that this is all just some cruel joke, that any second now you’ll be walking through the door, a smile on your face—
There are none.
Her lungs burn and she’s forced to take in a breath. “You son of a bitch,” she whispers. “You... son of a bitch. How dare you? How dare you.”
He doesn’t so much as flinch as her voice increases in volume, which only serves to make her angrier.
“How fucking dare you! You let me see (Y/N) right now, you bastard!”
The door opens—her heart leaps—
It’s JJ, who, if Hotch is to be believed, is the only other one to know about this. JJ hurries to her side and reaches out, but Emily yanks her arm away.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” she snarls. “You—” Her eyes land on the water pitcher on the table in front of her and she lunges forward, the searing pain it causes barely registering. She seizes it and throws it with all the force she can muster.
Hotch doesn’t move out of the way, letting it hit his chest and soak the front of his clothing. Its accompanying cup follows, then the TV remote. It’s not until she grabs the vase of flowers that he ducks out of the way. The glass shatters on the floor. All the while, she’s screaming obscenities at him.
JJ tries in vain to calm her down, holding up her hands placatingly. “Emily, please—”
“Don’t talk to me!” she yells. “You have the audacity to come in here and speak to me when you know I’m alive and my girlfriend doesn’t!”
“Emily!” Her voice is stern. “I understand you’re upset—”
“Don’t use your fucking mom voice on me, Jennifer, I’m not a fucking child—”
“What’s going on in here?” A pair of nurses enter the room, no doubt drawn by the commotion.
“She’s bleeding,” JJ answers immediately. “I think she might have aggravated something when she sat up.”
“She’s not supposed to be sitting up at all. What did you two do?” one of the nurses scolds.
“She just got some bad news—”
“Well, isn’t that a nice way to put it!” The nurses are trying to coax her into laying back down, but Emily resists it. “A really great way to describe the two of you trying to force me into letting my family and girlfriend think I’m dead!”
“I think some of the stitches tore,” the second nurse says.
“Go get the doctor,” the first one instructs an orderly standing in the doorway.
Movement catches Emily’s eye and she looks towards it to see Hotch taking a step backwards.
“Don’t you dare leave!” she screams. “I’m not done with you, you motherf—”
“Agent, please, you need to lie back.”
“And you two need to leave,” the older of the nurses says.
Then there’s a third person at her side. Judging by the white coat, it’s the doctor. “What’s the problem?” he asks them.
“She’s agitated and we think some stitches might have burst.”
“Damn right I’m agitated!” Emily cries. “They’re trying to—I—” She looks past the doctor to find that JJ and Hotch are gone.
“Emily, we’re going to give you something to help you relax,” he tells her.
Her vision goes blurry and she can’t figure out why until she feels the tears sliding down her cheeks. She lets the nurses push her back now and her head thumps against the pillow. “Please—” she chokes on a sob. “Please, I want to see my girlfriend.”
“What’s her name?” the doctor asks kindly.
“(Y/N). We’ve been together for almost a year. I need…” Her limbs are starting to feel heavy. “I need to call her, or—or something. She thinks… she thinks….”
“Shh, you’re okay,” one of the nurses soothes. “You’re going to be okay.”
Emily blinks slowly and shakes her head. “But she won’t be. She…”
The world fades to black.
---
There are tear stains on your pillowcase.
That’s the first thing Emily notices when she walks into your bedroom. She recognizes them so quickly because similar ones were on her pillows in Paris.
“Sorry, I’ve been meaning to run the sheets through the wash,” you say when you notice her looking.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” She sets her bag on the bedside table, careful to jostle Sergio as little as possible. He’s in her arms, pressed against her chest and purring loudly. He definitely remembers her—she’d been a little worried that he wouldn’t.
Emily is absolutely exhausted. It has been a very long day. Doyle is dead, Declan is safe, and now all she wants to do is take a nice, hot shower and curl up in bed with you. But you haven’t been able to keep eye contact with her for more than a few moments at a time.
She expected something like this to happen. She knew once the relief of seeing her alive wore off, there was going to be a heap of more, uglier emotions surfacing.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
You glance up at her just briefly, busying yourself with stripping off the pillowcases and replacing them with a clean set. “I don’t know what to say, Emily,” you sigh. “I just… I don’t.”
She strokes Sergio’s back a couple of times to calm herself before replying. “You can say anything. You’ve been through so much, and I… I’m not going to hold what you’re feeling against you.”
You shake your head. “I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.”
It confirms her suspicions. “(Y/N), you’re allowed to be mad at me,” she says. “Hell, you could even yell at me if you wanted to and I’d be okay with it.”
You snort. “I don’t want to yell at you. But, um, could I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Okay. Well…” You shuffle from one foot to the other. “I’m… not really sure how to ask this, but, how… how did this happen?”
Your voice is hesitant. You’re holding back, but Emily can read between the lines. “You mean, how could I let you think I was dead?” she corrects softly.
You breathe in sharply and wrap your arms around yourself. Your eyes are wet when you look up at her and nod.
Emily tries not to let her next words come out too fast, lest it seem like she’s dismissing your feelings or making excuses. “I didn’t get a choice.” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “When I came to after surgery, the funeral had already been held.”
Your mouth drops open. You stare at her for a few seconds, then blink several times. Your eyes move around, focused on nothing in particular as you try to process what she’s just told you. Eventually, they settle on the bedroom door behind her. “I’m gonna punch his face,” you whisper.
Emily can’t stop the genuine laugh that bubbles out of her. “Yeah, Hotch heard similar things from me.”
“Oh my god, Em,” you breathe out, and her heart skips a beat at the nickname. “That must have been awful.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t fun,” she admits. “But at least I knew you were alive and that I’d see you again someday. It can’t come close to what you went through.”
You shake your head. “This isn’t the suffering Olympics. It was harder for you in some ways than it was for me, I’m sure. Like, if I was waking up after being stabbed, I’d want my girlfriend there holding my hand.”
Emily’s eyes prick with tears as she listens to you, remembering how it felt to be at the hospital without you there to hold her hand through all the scary bits. But you? You had buried her, and now you’re here considering how Emily had felt throughout all this. She’s not sure if you’re actively trying to make her fall even more in love with you, but if you are, you’re succeeding.
“I can’t promise to never be mad at you about this,” you continue, “but I’ll take being mad at you for actually being alive rather than being mad at you for dying.”
“That’s… really mature of you,” she observes.
“I started seeing a therapist a few days after the funeral,” you say with a shrug. “Can you put Sergio down and help me change the bed sheets?”
She nods and places him gently on the floor. She’s about to ask why you’re wanting to change them right now, when you’re clearly just as exhausted as she is, when she finds a tie wedged between the top and fitted sheets at the foot of the bed. She frowns as she lifts it up—it’s not one she recognizes as yours or hers, but she does think she’s seen it before.
“Oh, so that’s where that went,” you say.
“I don’t remember you having a tie like this. Is it new?”
“It’s Spencer’s,” you clarify.
“Oh. What… what’s it doing in your bed?” she asks hesitantly.
“He would stay over sometimes when I couldn’t sleep and he’s too long—“ you spread your hands apart “—for either of the couches.”
“I see.” Emily smooths out the wrinkles in the fabric and crosses the room to put it on top of the dresser, trying to tamp down the sting of jealousy. The other side of your bed is supposed to be hers.
“Nothing happened,” you say and she realizes she’s frowning.
“I know,” she replies, and she does—she just wishes it had been her in the bed with you. But you’ve at least given her a good lead-in for her surprise. “Anyways, you wouldn’t have even had the time with the amount of online Scrabble you were playing.”
Now it’s your turn to frown. “How do you know about that?”
The corner of her mouth turns up. “I was there for every game, sergio2010.”
It takes you a moment to put it together. “You’re cheetobreath?” you ask. “I thought that was JJ.”
“It was her idea,” Emily says. “And that’s what you were supposed to think.”
Your reaction delights her—you start laughing. “That’s ridiculous!”
“I had to stick it to Hotch somehow,” she defends, barely holding back her own laughter.
You shake your head fondly as you finish tucking in the fresh sheets. Emily helps you spread the comforter back over the bed and return the pillows to their spots. She isn’t sure what to do after that, though, and nervously clasps her hands in front of her. You’re silent for a few seconds, watching her from across the bed.
“I’m going to go take a shower,” you say eventually.
“Um, okay,” she replies. “But you know, I could go stay at a hotel instead if you’d prefer.”
You shake your head. “You’re gonna join me.”
“Ah.” Emily swallows, part nervous, part thrilled. “That’s… I mean, yeah. Okay.”
You hold out your hand in invitation; she circles the bed and takes it.
After, when you’re both clean and settled into bed, she pulls you as close to her as she can. “This is so nice,” you sigh into her skin. “You’re so soft, Em.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Um, thank you?”
“Spencer’s bony,” you explain.
Emily snorts. “Yeah, I know. I fell asleep on his shoulder on the jet a few years ago and it was painful.”
You giggle. “Did you know he talks in his sleep?”
“Morgan’s mentioned it. You learn anything else when you were snuggled up with him?” she teases, running her fingers through your damp hair.
“It wasn’t like that,” you protest. “We didn’t snuggle. I’d just kind of… press my forehead on his arm and one leg against his.” Your voice lowers as you continue, “I just really missed being close to someone.”
“I did, too,” she whispers back. “I wish it had been me, but I’m glad you had him.”
You nod against her in agreement. “I love you, Emily,” you say, briefly tightening your grip on her.
“I love you, too,” she replies, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “So much.”
You drift off to sleep quickly, and she’s not far behind.
It’s the best sleep she’s had in months.
---
Spencer’s barely heard from you since the hearing last week.
He’d gotten plenty of texts from Jennifer (all of which he ignored), but only a few from you. That’s probably normal for most adult friends, but not for you two, especially so when the fact that you were the only two people not to apply for reinstatement to the BAU is taken into consideration. He thought that he’d be able to seriously talk about it with you, to share his feelings and maybe work it out together. But all he had gotten was a brief message:
Emily was reinstated, so I’m going back, too.
It left him frustrated, but when it came down to it, he understood—he was the same. Since you were going back, so was he.
On Monday morning, everyone’s first day back together, he gets off the elevator and is immediately confronted with the last person he wants to see.
“Hey, where have you been? I wanted to do brunch this weekend,” Jennifer says.
Spencer barely resists rolling his eyes, instead keeping them fixed on the file he’s holding. “I had to deal with some stuff with my mom.” It’s not a lie—he did have to check in with his mom. It just didn’t take as long as he’s implying. “Have you seen Garcia?”
“Uh, she’s with Rossi,” Jennifer answers, and she sounds startled by his behavior, but he doesn’t care. You’re at your desk, and as he passes by, he takes your arm.
“Wha—Spencer?” You’re taken aback, but you let him pull you along and into a file room.
“What?” you repeat when he turns to you after closing the door.
He tucks the file into his bag, the folds his arms over his chest. “I barely heard from you last week.”
Your eyebrows scrunch together. “Well, yeah, I’ve been busy,” you say. “Emily’s moving in with me so we’ve been taking her things out of storage and to my apartment to unpack.”
Spencer glances away, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy in his chest. Just two weeks ago, he was in your bed and he’s quickly been replaced. And sure, he knows you don’t feel that way about him, but it was easy to pretend you did when you were asleep right next to him. “Not busy enough to make a decision about work,” he points out.
“So?”
“You’re the only other one who didn’t apply for reinstatement to the unit,” he replies. “You’d think that would be something for us to talk about.”
“You never said you wanted to,” you say, giving him a little shrug.
He doesn’t resist the eye roll this time. Does Spencer know he’s being a bit unfair? Yes. Does he care? Not particularly. No one bothered to seriously check in with him last week. He wasn’t expecting everyone to, but he was expecting it from you. He’s only been at work for five minutes, but his emotions are already running high, and he doesn’t care to reign them in. “I didn’t think I’d have to.”
“You should’ve. I can’t read your mind.” Now you’re getting defensive. “And what does it matter, anyways? You’re not my boyfriend; I don’t have to run my decisions past you.”
“I know that,” he snaps. He really could have done without hearing you say that. “I’m just there to warm up your bed when you’re lonely is all, huh?”
You’re shocked for only a moment before pivoting to anger. “I didn’t make you do anything. You could’ve said no. And I certainly don’t owe you anything from it.”
“Clearly,” he mutters.
You heave an angry sigh. “Look, I know you’re mad about the whole thing, but don’t take it out on me. I don’t know why you’re so surprised that I wanted to spend the past week catching up with my girlfriend after thinking she was dead for ten weeks. If you wanted to talk, you should’ve said so. Stop being such an ass.”
Spencer doesn’t answer. You’re right, and he knows it, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to admit it. He just looks down at the floor, avoiding your glare.
When it becomes clear to you that he has no intention of responding, you mutter, “whatever” under your breath and duck behind him, walking out of the door and leaving him alone again.
---
The case has been miserable.
In rural Oklahoma, their unsub is burning his victims with acid. Not the worst they’ve seen, but not pleasant, either—this job never is.
You’re still mad at him, which is bad enough, but he’s also had to watch you be far more… touchy with Emily than you ever were before. It’s not super apparent—you still keep it professional at the local P.D. and when you’re out on work assignments, but you’re going out of your way to find any excuse to touch her that you can outside of that.
Then there’s the motel they’re staying at and its thin walls. He heard a few things last night from your room next door. It was quickly followed by shushes, but he heard enough to infer what was going on. So he’d dug his noise-canceling headphones out of his bag. It had been a good solution at the time, but then he’d fallen asleep with them on. As a result, he’d slept with his neck at an odd angle. It’s midday now and it’s still aching.
To top it all off, there’s Jennifer. He’s been trying to keep his distance from her, and had thought the snide remarks he hadn’t been able to hold back might encourage her to stay away. But she keeps pressing the issue, and when she tells him she thinks he’s mad about micro-expressions, he can’t hold it back anymore.
“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”
She protests, so he brings up Dilaudid. He knows it’s a low blow, and that she still feels guilty about them splitting up all those years ago, leading to his abduction and subsequent problem, but he doesn’t care. He just wants her to hurt like he is.
The team is staring and Emily says his name, but he just tells Jennifer that it’s too late to be sorry and leaves without another word.
Outside, he sits on the curb in front of one of the SUVs and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He’s not alone for long, though. Just a few minutes later, he hears footsteps coming from behind him. The sound that involuntarily comes out of his throat can only be described as a growl.
“God, Jennifer, what do I have to do to get you to understand that I want you to leave me the fuck alone!” he nearly yells.
But it’s not Jennifer that answers. “It’s me,” you say softly.
Spencer sighs. He drops his hands from his face but doesn’t open his eyes. “What?”
“Can I sit?”
He’s not sure he wants to be around anyone, but it’s hard for him to say no to you. “Sure,” he says dully.
You join him on the curb, but keep a few feet of space between you. You don’t say anything, though, just sit quietly, letting him make the first move.
“How are you okay?” he asks eventually.
“What?” You sound incredulous. “I’m not sure where you got that idea. I’m so mad at Hotch that I can barely breathe when I’m in the same room as him.”
Spencer considers this for a moment, recalling when everyone’s been in the same room during this case. He realizes that since he’s been preoccupied with you touching Emily and trying to avoid Jennifer, he’s missed how you tense up whenever you see Hotch, and that you keep him out of your eyesight whenever possible.
“But you’re fine with Emily,” he observes. That does honestly confuse him, because he’s mad at Emily as well. And if it had been you in her place? He’s not sure he’d ever be able to forgive you, even without you knowing the way he feels about you.
“For the most part,” you say. “I still feel a little mad at her sometimes, but it helps me to remember that it wasn’t her fault.”
He finally looks at you, raising an eyebrow. “Being alive in Paris and not telling you isn’t her fault?”
“She didn’t really get a choice. When she woke up after surgery, the funeral had already happened,” you explain. “Hotch made the decision without her.”
“Hmm.” He files that information away to think over later. “And Jennifer?”
You shrug. “I can’t be too mad at her, since she did so much for me during those weeks.”
He snorts. “Yeah, out of guilt.”
“Probably, yes,” you concede. “But not having to pack up Emily’s things and take them to storage myself, feeding Sergio and bringing him to stay with me, bringing me hot meals when I was surviving off of cereal alone because I could barely get out of bed, let alone cook for myself… it went a long way.”
On the one hand, it’s a bit comforting for him to hear how Jennifer helped the woman he loves. On the other, she could have ended your pain with three words—Emily is alive—but she didn’t. She let the woman he loves suffer the pain of the loss of a partner.
And she sure didn’t bring him hot meals.
This shouldn’t surprise you, Spencer. You’ve always been the afterthought. The burden. You should be used to this by now.
He clenches the fabric of his pants in his hands. “That doesn’t make me any less angry,” he mutters.
“That’s fine.”
“You can’t expect me to just—wait, what?”
“That’s fine,” you repeat. “I’m not trying to tell you to just get over it or whatever because she was nice to me. Like Em told me, you’re allowed to be mad.”
Spencer bites his lip, resisting the urge to ask you to stop calling her Em. You’re the only one that calls her that—or rather, is allowed to call her that, and it’s obvious why. It’s also similar enough to you calling him Spence that he’ll always start comparing himself to Emily when he hears it, and he’s been trying to stop doing that for months.
“Maybe you just, I don’t know,” you continue, drawing him out of his thoughts. “You could just try to be a little less passive aggressive with JJ?”
He opens his mouth, about to flat-out refuse, but before he can, you tack on, “For me? Just a little bit?”
God damn it.
“Only if she stops bothering me,” he says bluntly.
“Yeah, she, um… she was crying when I left, so I think she’s got the message now,” you say quietly.
He feels a bit guilty upon hearing that, but not enough to apologize, or even really regret it. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, he rationalizes to himself. She’s the one who decided to push it anyways.
After a few moments of silence, you reach out and pat his knee. “I love you, you know.”
He knows what you mean, knows that you don’t mean it like that, but his heart still skips a beat. He responds to you with a nod.
You push yourself to your feet, tell him to take all the time he needs, and you’ll see him when he’s ready to come back in, then walk away.
When he’s certain you’re out of earshot, he whispers back, “I love you, too.”
---
Emily sits down across from him on the plane, and Spencer is immediately reminded of the morning after he caught you and her together. That time, Emily had folded her hands in front of her on the table. This time, she slides something across it to him. He looks up from his book and sees his missing tie, wrinkles ironed out and folded neatly.
“It was in her bed,” she explains when his brow furrows.
Spencer wonders if that made Emily jealous.
He’s not a good enough person to not hope it did.
“Thanks,” he mutters, putting it away in his bag.
Emily’s quiet, but she doesn’t leave. She must have something else to say. He sighs. “What is it?”
“Are you going to Rossi’s house tomorrow night?” she asks.
He looks back down to his book. “I don’t know. I’m not so sure I can make it.”
“Okay. Well, Reid, you can be mad at me for as long as you need to. I’m okay with that.”
Spencer frowns. He kind of wishes she wasn’t being so nice and understanding. It makes it harder to be upset with her, and he wants to be upset with her.
“I’d like to say something to you, though, if that’s okay,” she says.
He reluctantly looks back up. “What?”
Emily holds his gaze. “Thank you,” she says earnestly.
He blinks. “Uh, for what?”
Her voice wavers slightly with emotion as she speaks. “For looking out for her when I couldn’t.”
His eyes drift away from Emily and to the couch where you’re sleeping. “My pleasure,” he replies quietly. When he looks back at Emily, she has a curious look on her face.
For the first time, instead of panicking over keeping his secret, instead of shying away, Spencer looks right back at her. A few seconds later, he thinks he sees a flash of realization in her eyes, but it’s so quick he can’t be sure.
“Well, thank you,” she repeats, and takes her leave. He watches as she leans down and tucks the blanket closer around you. He closes his eyes, leans back in his seat, and imagines a world where he was the one adjusting it instead.
---
“You’re gonna go weeks, months even, feeling fine. And then you’re gonna have a bad day.”
Emily can barely get the hotel room door open, her hands are shaking so much. A bad day. What Hotch called it, she thinks, was a bit of an understatement.
She’s just come back from taking a witness statement to help wrap up the piano man case—or rather, she was trying to take one.
“I was told that you would only give your statement to me.”
“Why didn’t you let me pull the trigger?” Regina asks.
“Because you would be in prison.” Emily understands why Regina is mad at her, and she’s fine with taking the brunt of it. Lying to her to stop her from shooting the unsub was the right thing to do. “I know it’s hard--”
“No, you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like…” Regina pauses briefly, anger radiating off of her. “When the monster from your nightmares comes back for you.”
Emily breaks eye contact and looks down. She knows exactly what that’s like.
Regina recognizes it. “Wait--”
Redirect, redirect, redirect. “Look, I’m here as a courtesy--”
“Something happened to you.”
“So do you want to give me your statement or not?”
But Regina is relentless. “What did you do to him, huh? Did you arrest him like a good FBI agent? Or did you kill him?”
Emily sits down heavily on the spare bed, drawing your attention away from packing up your things for the flight home. “Em?”
She just shakes her head, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and closing her eyes. “It was the right thing,” she whispers to herself. “It was the right thing. I did the right thing.”
You sit down next to her and place your hand on her back. “What happened?”
Emily swallows hard, feeling sick to her stomach. Her hair is sticking to the back of her neck; she tilts her head to try and dislodge it. You catch on and pull it to the side for her.
“Talk to me, baby,” you urge gently. “Just something, anything I can do to help.”
She takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down enough to speak. “I—I think,” she stutters. “I th—think I just ruined a woman’s pe—peace of m—mind for good.”
You start rubbing circles on her back and ask, “How?”
“You know, when they talk about victims getting revictimized by the system, they mean you.”
Emily shudders involuntarily. “I… you know how we found the unsub with a—a victim?”
Slowly, in sentences fractured by gasping breaths, swallows to hold back the nausea, and even a few sobs, she recounts what Regina said to her.
You murmur something under your breath that she doesn’t catch, then, ever so gently, you pull her into your arms.
Emily Prentiss isn’t one to break down, not in her own home and especially not in front of others. She controls any “negative” emotions as best as she can, her feelings only displayed through a trembling voice, misty eyes, or run-down nails. Screaming, tears, and nervous gestures were not befitting of an ambassador’s daughter, after all, and those habits formed in childhood have stayed with her until this day.
But there’s one person who’s the exception. There’s one person with whom those walls just don’t seem to exist. That person, of course, is you.
You pull her into your arms, and Emily Prentiss breaks down, because she can. She can because she knows you’ll be there to help put her back together again.
“You never had a chance to mourn your own death, did you?”
She hadn’t understood what her therapist meant when she said it yesterday morning, but Emily thinks she does now. This time last year, what Regina said would have unsettled her, and she would have felt sorry for her, but she probably wouldn’t have dwelt on it much. It’s not last year, though. It’s this year, and she’s coming undone in your embrace over Regina’s words, words she knows will never leave her.
“I didn’t pull the trigger.”
“Still… your monster’s dead. I have to live with mine. That’s my statement.”
Emily has a promise to keep, so she boards the jet early. A few minutes later, Hotch slides into the seat across from her and waits. It still takes her a few moments to collect herself enough to say the words.
“I’m having a bad day.”
---
Spencer’s not sure if you’re going to be able to keep doing this job. He became very familiar with your nervous tics and outward signs of stress during those weeks, and now he can notice them almost immediately.
You seemed okay for the first few months. A few habits cropped up now and then—biting your lip, tapping each fingertip to your thumb in turn—but that was fairly normal. It’s a stressful job.
But then your bottom lip starts getting chapped again, and during conversions with anyone other than Emily, you’re quiet; you often have to be prompted to share your thoughts.
He tries to find out what’s wrong, but when he asks, you shut it down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” he says quietly. “But, um, you probably should talk to… somebody, you know?”
You barely look up from your paperwork as you respond. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ve been seeing a therapist since this whole shitshow started. I’ve got Emily, too. If anything, I should be telling you to go talk to a professional.”
Spencer just says “okay” again, then a few minutes later he excuses himself to go hide in the bathroom and nurse his hurt feelings. He knows you weren’t trying to be mean. Flipping around the suggestion to him most certainly came from a place of love. But he’s not interested in receiving any kind of psychiatric care—he’s actively opposed to it. So being told anything of that sort upsets him and often makes him angry.
Today it’s just salt in the wound, though. The wound itself is Emily. And god, does he ever feel guilty about the resentment that crops up every time her name is in your mouth. She was dead, and every day she was gone, he wished she weren’t. He cried countless tears over her and would’ve given anything to at least be able to say goodbye.
Then the impossible happened—she came back. He didn’t have to say goodbye at all. And sure, there was the initial relief and happiness, and the warmest hug ever, but now he finds himself resenting her. He’d never wish for her to be gone again, but he can’t stop the jealousy, no matter how hard he tries.
Recently, when Emily was shot during a case in California, he held back your hair as you leaned out of the door of the SUV and threw up upon receiving the news. Spencer Reid would never deny that he’s a germaphobe, but he wants that. He wants to be the one taking care of you, the one whose shoulder you fall asleep on, the one going home with you at the end of the day.
He doesn’t want Emily gone, never, ever again, but he wants you back. Those ten weeks, as awful as they were, weren’t the worst he’s had, because during that time, you were always seeking him out. He knows you didn’t want him that way, but if Emily had really been gone, he thinks one day, that might have changed. The thought always brings tears to his eyes.
Still, he would settle for having you the way he did during the years before he fell for you. Things just haven’t been the same since Emily came back. You don’t stay up late talking anymore. You haven’t a movie night in months. You don’t ask about the books he’s reading or what he did over the weekend. This is it: this is exactly what he was afraid of happening when he found you with Emily.
Spencer doesn’t think it’s personal. He thinks it’s because you’re barely hanging on these days, and just don’t have the energy anymore to do things like you used to.
It still hurts, though. He wonders if it’ll ever stop hurting.
---
Respite can come at the strangest of times and in the oddest of ways. Today, it comes to Emily in the middle of a hostage situation at a bank, in the form of a job offer.
The team is trying to find the I.D. of the Queen of Hearts, one of the robbers, when she gets a surprise call from Clyde Easter, her old Interpol Unit Chief, who gives her the information he knows about the unsub. He doesn’t know her name, but he reminds her that she’s seen the unsub before, at a robbery in Paris while she was living there. Then when the team learns that their unsubs want to fly out to Chad, she calls him back.
“Well, unfortunately Interpol doesn’t have many assets in that particular region in Africa. Maybe that’s something you could help me with when this is over.”
Emily scoffs. “Work for Interpol again? That’ll be the day.”
“Not work, darling. Run,” he corrects. “You see, I’ve been promoted. So, the team’s yours whenever you want it.”
“It’s a hell of a time to bring that up,” she says, ignoring the questioning glances she’s getting from you, Reid, and JJ.
Clyde asks her to think about it, but there’s no time to do that now. She pushes it to the back of her mind and goes back to work.
By the time the day is over, she’s tired. Just tired. You both narrowly survive the explosion in the bank thanks to the alcove you were in, trying to help two elderly patrons. Then a mere hour later, you scare the shit out of her by finding Will strapped to an active bomb and deactivating it yourself. So Clyde’s offer doesn’t come up again until the next morning, when light is spilling through the curtains, illuminating the bedroom with a soft, warm glow.
You face each other in bed, legs twined together under the covers. “What was that about working for Interpol again?” you ask softly, tucking your arm under your head.
“Clyde was promoted,” she replies just as quietly, as to not disturb the peaceful morning feeling. “He offered me his old job. He wants me to run the London office.”
Your eyes widen. “Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling about that?”
Emily blows out a breath. “I’d like to at least… consider it.”
You reach out, finding her hand in the sheets and lacing your fingers between hers. “What’s stopping you?”
“I’m sure you can guess,” she replies, squeezing your hand back.
“Well, then I think you’re more than just considering it,” you say. “You wouldn’t bring it to me if you didn’t want to take the job.”
Emily thinks for a moment, then admits, “I… I do want to take it. But I have to know what you think, honestly.” She was already robbed out of making one life-changing decision without you in this past year. She has no interest in that happening again.
“Honestly?” you repeat, shifting a little. At her nod, you continue, “I think it’s a good option for us.”
“Us?” she asks, eyebrows raising.
“Yeah, us,” you affirm. “What, you think I’m just going to stay here if you move away?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe. This is the first time we’ve talked about something like this.”
“Fair point,” you say, then sigh. “We’re… both struggling here in D.C., Em. I know it and you know it. This place, this team. It used to be my home, but now, I just… it’s not like it was before.”
“You don’t trust Hotch anymore,” Emily says quietly.
You let out a small, broken chuckle. “I’ve tried. I’ve been trying so hard. I know he did what he thought he had to, but I just… I can’t.”
“It’s okay to feel that way,” she points out. She lets go of your hand to reach up and wipe away a tear that breaks your lash line. “In fact, I’d say it’s reasonable, with what you went through.”
You close your eyes and nod, putting your hand on top of hers to keep it on your cheek. “I know it’s been hard for you, too.”
“Yeah,” she sighs. “I wanted to come back, and at first, I felt like I was home. But I just can’t go back to my old life and pretend that nothing happened. The only time I feel at home now is… well, it’s when I’m alone with you, just like this.”
“Emily Prentiss, I had no idea you were such a romantic,” you say, cracking a smile.
“Oh, stop,” she says, but she’s blushing. When your giggles subside, she speaks again. “I would love for you to come to London with me. But I don’t want you to forget what you’d be leaving. There’s still a lot of good here.”
You nod. “There is. I’m just not sure it’s enough anymore,” you say softly.
“I understand. You can think about it. I don’t need an answer now.”
So you don’t give her one, not right away. But you do a few hours later. So Emily picks up her phone and dials Clyde’s number.
---
JJ’s a beautiful bride, but Spencer’s eyes keep drifting over to you. The dress you’re wearing tonight is wonderful; from the cut to the color, it suits you perfectly. But that’s not what’s really got his attention. It’s the way you’re carrying yourself. You’re smiling, and you seem truly happy, without any reservations. But there’s also a bit of sadness clinging to you, and he can’t tell what’s causing it.
The party has been going on for a while by the time he finds himself dancing with you. You’d asked him, and now you’ve steered him a little ways away from everyone else. “There’s something I have to tell you,” you say just as he’s about to ask what’s going on.
To his dismay, he doesn’t have a clue what it’s going to be. He doesn’t like not having at least an idea. He swallows, then says, “Okay.”
You can’t meet his eyes; you look down to the floor instead and watch your feet move in time together. So whatever it is, I’m not going to like it, he thinks, and his anxiety spikes. “What is it?” he asks, tightening his grip on you without really meaning to.
You take a deep breath, then look up. “Emily and I are leaving.”
His heart drops and he stops in his tracks, causing you to stumble a little over his feet. “Oh, shi—sorry,” he says. “I just—you’re leaving the BAU? But you’re still going to be in D.C., right?”
You sigh, then guide him off the dance floor and to a quiet spot not too far away. “You remember what Emily said about working for Interpol again yesterday?”
“Interpol?” he repeats, his voice pitching upwards. “You mean, like, overseas?”
“London, to be specific.”
He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say. Things were a little rocky between you and him when Emily came back, and for a little while afterwards, sure, but recently he’d started to feel like he had his best friend back.
Apparently he couldn’t be more wrong.
Spencer’s used to people leaving. First it was his dad, then Ethan. Elle was next, quickly followed by Gideon. JJ was forced out, and although she ended up coming back, it didn’t erase the pain he felt in her absence. And then there was everything that happened with Emily.
So, Spencer’s used to people leaving. In a way, he almost expects it.
He just wishes it would stop hurting so damn much.
What is it about me? he wonders. What is it that makes people run away? There’s clearly something wrong with--
“Hey!”
He jumps, startled out of his introspection. When his eyes refocus on you, you put your hands on your hips.
“I don’t appreciate people being mean to my best friend, you know,” you tell him seriously.
“Uh…” He blinks a few times. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”
“That includes him being mean to himself,” you continue. “I know what you were thinking.”
“What? No, you don’t,” he protests.
“Don’t I?” You put the tip of your finger on your chin. “Was it or was it not something along the lines of, people always leave me, why do they do that, there must be something wrong with me?”
He hates that you’re right, so he doesn’t answer, just scowls and looks away.
“It’s not true, you know.”
“Sure,” he mutters. Sure it isn’t. You’ve only just added your name to the list.
“I mean it.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Look at me.”
Spencer doesn’t, and your resulting sigh sounds so frustrated, and then he thinks, Oh, great work, Reid. (Y/N) tells you she’s leaving and what do you do? You piss her off. Honestly, it’s no wonder--
And then your hands are on his face, cradling his cheeks, and he’s too surprised to resist your gaze anymore.
“It’s not your fault, Spencer,” you say, your voice equal parts firm and gentle. “You didn’t drive me away. Not even close. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He sniffs, trying to hold back the sudden onslaught of emotions you’ve just caused. “Well, I could have gone without picking a fight with you on our first day back at work,” he says, sniffling again.
“What’re you tal—Spencer, that was almost a year ago.”
“Nine months.”
“Whatever. The point still stands. You’re not why I’m leaving, okay? You’re…” you trail off and he’s alarmed to see your eyes grow wet. “You’re the opposite, actually. You were the only thing keeping me here when Emily was gone. And now, you’re why it’s so hard to leave.”
“I am?” he whispers before he can think better of it.
“You are,” you affirm. “I think Emily’s actually a little worried you’re gonna talk me out of it.”
It gets a laugh out of him, but right after a little sob escapes him and he squeezes his eyes shut. When you hug him, he immediately reciprocates, wrapping his arms around your middle tightly.
“Hey, this isn’t the end, okay?” you say, and he can tell from the way your voice is trembling that you’re crying, too. “I know you like to ignore it, but we do live in the digital age, and I’ll be hounding you to talk to me at least once a week. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“I’d certainly hope not,” he murmurs, resting his head on your shoulder.
The two of you stay like that for a while, just holding each other, trying not to cry too much. Eventually, you pull away. “Besides, it’s not like I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Our flight isn’t for another ten days. I’m gonna be around.”
Spencer nods. “Okay.”
“Okay,” you repeat, then swipe at your face, clearing away the tears. “Um, we should head back. You still owe me a dance.”
And dance with you he does, swaying gently from side to side with his hand resting on your waist. A look over your shoulder shows Emily and Derek dancing in a similar manner; judging by the way he’s holding her, she told him the news as well.
He has an eidetic memory, but Spencer makes the effort to commit this moment to his brain all the same. He wants to remember the way you’re holding him, resting your head on his chest and running your thumb over the back of his hand every so often. He wants to remember how your skin feels against his, the texture of your hair. The lighting in the backyard and the way it makes you glow. The words that you said, telling him that it’s not his fault, that nothing’s wrong with him. He’s not quite sure he believes it, but you’ve never lied to him before, so he’ll try to accept it.
The song ends, and tears threaten to fall again when you pick up your head and take a step back.
“Hey, no more crying tonight,” you say. “Because if you start crying, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want to cry any more tonight. Save it for my grand exit at the airport terminal.”
That makes him break into a smile and he’s able to blink back the tears. “Okay.”
“Do you mind if I take this dance?” It’s Emily, and she’s looking at him, head tilted in your direction.
“Oh, um.” He clears his throat. “No, um, go—go ahead.”
He passes your hand to her, and what he feels is silly. You’re not some prize to be won; you don’t belong to anyone other than yourself. But he feels like he’s passing you off to Emily, almost… entrusting you to her. The look Emily gives him makes him think she understands this.
“Wait,” you say before she can properly take you into her arms. You lean towards him and press a kiss to his cheek.
Spencer doesn’t stay around to watch you two dance. He retreats back into the house, fingertips on the spot you kissed. He lets them sit there for a moment, then forces himself to drop his hand. It’s far past time for him to try and move on. He doesn’t want you to leave, but it might be what he needs.
Maybe, just maybe, with some distance, he can begin to heal.
---
On the first day at work without you, Spencer finds a small frame on his desk. He immediately recognizes the picture inside of it—it’s the one you’d kept as your lockscreen for months, much to his dismay.
It’s a picture from the relatively early days of your friendship, well before he felt anything that wasn’t platonic towards you. You’d dragged him out on a weekend off to a nearby amusement park, because, “you can’t die without having ridden a roller coaster at least once, Spence.” He had no desire to do so, but he didn’t have any other plans, so he went along with it.
The roller coaster ended up making him vomit, and the picture is from shortly after that. You’re holding up the camera with one hand and making a peace sign with the other, smiling from ear to ear. He still looks a little queasy, only managing a small smile, but he still looks somewhat happy. And he was, that day. Other than the nausea, he’d had a lot of fun with you.
He picks up the frame and feels something on the back of it. He flips it over and finds one of his lilac colored post-it notes, displaying your handwriting.
“When it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Tears blur his vision. Doctor Who. Of course you picked Doctor Who. And you’ve written something else, too, in smaller letters:
If you don’t answer my calls at least twice a month, I’ll tell JJ you’ve been stealing from her Cheetos stash for eight years. Love ya.
He laughs out loud, a little wet giggle that he has to follow up with a sniffle. He slips the note under the frame’s felt backing to keep it safe, then rearranges his things until he settles on the perfect spot for it to sit on his desk. He retrieves a fresh sticky note and scribbles down a reminder to himself to call you when he gets home, sticking it the cover of one of his books. After all, he can’t have JJ knowing about his thievery. The team’s good at what they do, but he doesn’t think anyone would be able to find his body once JJ’s done with him.
His eyes drift back to the photograph, coming to a stop on your face. He misses you already. He even misses the ugly bits, when you’d snapped at each other, when you were crying on his shoulder. When he saw you with Emily that first time. It’s an odd mix of emotions. Longing, nostalgia, grief, happiness, safety. Belonging.
Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.
Spencer couldn’t agree more.
---------------
tell me what you thought here!
oh my god, i can hardly believe it’s over. there’s still going to be a small epilogue, but it’s optional. thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who read and supported this series and your enthusiasm for it. you’ve made me so very happy. and if you relate to spencer in this, i want you to know you’re gonna find your someone someday. if that’s what you want, i believe you’ll find it eventually. much love to all of you. 💖
series taglist: @sobereinstein , @zizzlekwum , @goldensatine , @closetedreidstan , @afuckingshituniverse , @uswntxx , @johnmulaneyslut , @90spumkin , @mcntsee , @zhuzhubii , @shadyladyperfection , @mggbler , @eva-cadeau , @esmesisle , @anothergayinthelife , @wecouldbreakthedistance , @zozoleesi , @calm-and-doctor , i think that’s everyone?? so sorry if i missed you.
#spencer reid x reader#emily prentiss x reader#spencer reid fanfic#emily prentiss fanfic#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds self insert#angst#spencer reid#emily prentiss#my fic#my god this took so long#i also referenced im3 twice in this i am a tony stan first and foremost lol
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15x20
Spoilers for Season 15x20 finale
Summary: This is a semi-rewrite of episode 15x20...
Pairing: Dean x reader (reader is treated more like an OC than a typical reader)
Word Count: 2,000ish
Warnings: language, major 15x20 spoilers
A/N: I wrote this for myself honestly. I know it is idealistic and was never going to happen. Again, I’m sharing simply if you’re interested but please feel free to ignore. This picks up from a very obvious point in the episode...
______
Dean POV
“Fuck,” said Dean, his hand over his chest. Something big was stabbing into his back. This felt wrong though. A dull, achy pain trickled up and down his spine and across his chest. His heart was racing up and slowing down when it wanted and Dean shut his eyes as he recognized the feeling in his bones.
He was dying. The kind of dying a doctor can’t fix.
“Jack!” shouted Sam, Dean peeling open his eyes as he realized Sam was besides him, hand covered in blood. A few seconds later Jack appeared in front of them eating a bar of nougat. “Jack fix him. Please.”
“He said he was hands off,” said Dean with a wince, his whole body shaking. Jack cocked his head and walked over, touching Dean’s forehead. The next thing he knew, Dean was sat on the ground and taking a deep breath, the pain gone as he looked up. “You said you were hands off.”
“You’re my dads. Why wouldn’t I help you?” he asked, a confused look on his face. Dean chuckled and nodded, still holding onto his chest. “You seem upset. I’ll pop you guys home.”
“Kid there’s-”
“Those boys are okay,” said Jack, snapping his fingers. Dean was suddenly sat on the steps up into the library, Jack mentioning something about taking some nougat from the pantry before he headed out.
“You alright?” asked Sam. Dean shook his head and he took a seat. Dean rubbed the heel of his palm against his chest and shuddered. “Jack got there in time.”
“If he hadn’t-”
“Dean-”
“If he hadn’t...because it was bad, Sammy. If he hadn’t...I’m so proud of you and I love you, so fucking much. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby brother, a better best friend. You just gotta tell me something. When the time comes, you’ll be okay without me. Tell me Sam. Please.”
“I’ll be okay,” said Sam quietly. Dean nodded and moved his hand to his lap, Sam scooting closer. “Let’s get out of here.”
“What?”
“Let’s get a house. We can get a big yard for Miracle. Run an operation like Bobby did, do the occasional case. Let’s go live more,” said Sam. Dean paused but rubbed his chest again and smiled.
“Dibs on the master bedroom,” said Dean. Sam chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. This place is home but I wouldn’t mind an upgrade.”
Two Months Later
“Miracle!” called Dean when he ignored the ball Dean had just thrown across the yard and ran around the corner of the house. “Miracle!”
“I think your daddy’s looking for you,” Dean heard a voice giggle. He walked around the house and saw a woman knelt down and ruffling the dog. “You’re so cute. You’re so cute.”
“Yes, I am,” smirked Dean as the woman popped her head up. “So, how can I help you and why are you parked in my driveway?”
“I’m Y/N. Y/N-”
“I heard of you. Hunter out of Alaska right?” he asked as she nodded. “You work a lot of Canada cases.”
“I did,” she said with a shrug. “I was thinking of retiring down south. Wondering if you got any tips on how to adjust.”
“A dog helps,” he said and she smiled, Dean looking her up and down. “You do realize this is Austin, Texas right?”
“This is south to me,” she said. “I know Donna through a friend of a friend. She said it’d be cool if I came and talked to you?”
“Uh, yeah, sure,” said Dean, Miracle running over to the ball and rushing back with it. He nudged Dean’s hand and Y/N smiled. “You mind chatting while we do some fetch?”
“Not at all, Winchester.”
“Kinda funny how Eileen and Y/N know each other,” said Sam, Dean looking out the back window to where the girls and Miracle were sat on the back deck after dinner drinking a beer. Dean hummed and dried a plate, Sam nudging his arm. “You like her, don’t you.”
“You like her.”
“Dean.”
“Yeah, I like her. What’s the big deal?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A gorgeous, former hunter with your kind of humor, love for pie, muscle cars and classic rock that’s single just happens to have stuck around long after she got done talking to you.”
“I invited her to dinner.”
“She understands the life Dean. All the shit we carry. You’ve never tried with a hunter. Give her a chance.”
“Tried what?” said Dean, putting the plate in the cupboard.
“You can have a relationship Dean. I’m pretty sure she likes you too,” said Sam.
“Hello, Dean,” said Castiel, both guys jumping as they spun around. They stared at the angel as Cas looked around. “I enjoy your home. The air is fragrant.”
“It’s a candle,” said Sam, pointing to the flickering light on the countertop. He blew it out and Dean walked around the island, shaking his head.
“Where the fuck have you been?” said Dean, giving Cas a hug. Sam joined them and Castiel shrugged.
“Rebuilding heaven is labor intensive process,” said Cas before turning to Dean. “I felt you would be coming there soon a few months ago.”
“Why didn’t you pop down when you knew he was dying?” asked Sam.
“You are humans,” said Cas with a pout. “You will die someday. It’s an inevitable fact. Time is very strange in heaven in its relation to earth. I assumed you were an old man.”
“No, not old,” said Dean.
“Would you two like for me to prevent your deaths until a certain age?” asked Cas.
“No,” they both said, Dean smiling.
“But if we ask for help, you will help?” asked Dean.
“Always,” said Castiel. He tilted his head and looked out the back window. “Who is the woman with Eileen?”
“Y/N. Hunter from the Yukon area. Dean has a crush,” said Sam. He smirked when Dean whacked his arm, Cas still cocking his head. “You know her?”
“She’s quite drawn to Dean. Metaphysically speaking.”
“Yes cause whatever you just said was very clear. Like I’m five Cas,” said Dean. Cas sighed and pursed his lips.
“Jack has given me some extra power to help assist him better. I can see more of a person now,” said Cas. “Their energy, soul, things of that nature.”
“Okay...so what does that mean?” asked Dean.
“Oh your souls are quite intertwined. She’s your soulmate,” said Cas.
“Really?” said Dean, allowing a brief smile to cross his face.
“She also has a growing inoperable mass in her head that will kill her in the next few years. She suffers from headaches quite frequently,” said Cas. Dean sat down at the counter and stared out the back door, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Why can’t I be happy?” he breathed out. “For a fucking minute I can’t even be happy before the rug gets pulled out.”
“...Did you not want me to heal her?” asked Cas. Dean rolled his eyes and Cas’ glowed blue for a moment. “She’s fine now. You seem...emotional.”
“Well I am Cas,” said Dean.
“You’ve been off since that hunt and the barn,” said Sam.
“Sam I shouldn’t be alive,” said Dean. “I got lucky.”
“You have sacrificed your entire life for others, Dean,” said Cas, Sam taking a seat next to Dean. “You should take advantage of your powerful friends. Let others care for you now. I will speak to Jack about the remaining monsters and their relocation to somewhere better suited for them, perhaps a new world.”
“Everything alright?” asked Y/N, slipping in through the back door with an empty beer bottle.
“Yeah, we’re all good,” said Sam.
“Liar,” she said, smiling at Dean. “I’ll be right back.”
She excused herself to the bathroom, Sam and Cas going outside. Dean got another set of beers out just in time for Y/N to return.
“Can I ask you a question?” she said.
“Shoot,” said Dean, handing her the drink.
“Your friend, the angel, did he just heal me? I’ve had constant headaches for awhile now. Brain tumor. I feel different. You guys wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that would you?”
“You deserve to enjoy your retirement,” he said. “A very long retirement. You’re fine now.”
“I won’t be mad about that,” she said, leaning against the counter by him. She took a long sip and smiled. “I like you, Dean.”
“I like you,” he said.
“I’m gonna stick around town for a bit, see if things work out,” she said. He nodded and smiled, watching her smirk. “So there’s really no more monsters?”
“Uh, what?”
“I overheard Castiel when I walked in. Guess we’re really out of jobs now,” you said.
“I got an offer for a construction manager,” he said.
“You gonna take it?” she asked.
“I think so. What do you think?” he asked.
“I think it’s a great idea,” she said. “Gotta keep busy somehow.”
“What’s your retirement look like?” he asked. She shrugged and smiled. “Now that death isn’t imminent.”
“Maybe I’ll find a guy, try the domestic thing,” she said, a soft smile staying on her lips. “Know anyone who might be interested?”
“I’m sure I can think of someone, sweetheart.”
One Year Later
“So what do you think?” asked Sam as he spun around in his suit in the family room.
“What do we think junior?” asked Dean, the baby on his lap clapping his hands. “He says dad’s gonna score tonight.”
“I fear for you teaching my son things when he’s a teenager,” chuckled Sam.
“That’s what Uncles are for,” said Dean as Y/N got up from the couch and started fixing Sam’s tie.
“And what Aunt’s are for to rein them in,” she said, smoothing it out.
“Thank you,” said Sam. “Hey, when you two gonna have a kid?”
“Who says we aren’t?” smirked Dean. Sam went wide eyed and she rolled hers.
“We’re trying just recently. You will literally be the first to know once we do,” she said. She winked and Sam narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between them then down to her stomach.
“You’re so pregnant.”
“Ugh, we were gonna surprise you guys. Let us surprise, Eileen at least,” she said.
“You guys are pregnant!” said Eileen from over the balcony upstairs. Y/N laughed and headed up, Sam taking a seat next to Dean and plucking his son into his arms.
“You’re gonna be a real good dad. You got a lot of practice,” said Sam. Dean shrugged and Sam gave him a side hug. “I’m really happy he gets to know his Uncle, Dean. You’re gonna do great.”
“I’m really happy I get to be here too,” said Dean. He sat back and shut his eyes. “I owe you one.”
“For what?”
“The barn. I thought Jack wouldn’t come. I didn’t even bother. I thought that was gonna be it,” said Dean. “I didn’t want to go yet.”
“You don’t owe me for that,” said Sam, handing the baby back when he heard feet on the stairs. “Be good for Uncle Dean, baby boy.”
“Go have fun on your date, Sammy,” said Dean.
“You have fun on your stay at home date,” chuckled Sam. “See ya later, De.”
“Later, Sammy.”
_________
#spn#spn spoilers#dontspoilthefinalhunt#spn season 15 spoilers#supernatural#dean x reader#dean winchester#sam winchester#supernatural dean winchester#supernatural sam winchester#one shot
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Hope on Board
Chapter 9 – Making it Official
Chapter 1 Chapter 8
“What the fuck is with all the stunts?” Red Hood griped, landing his punch on the fourth of Scarecrow’s henchmen in the last minute. Luckily, this area of the hospital gave them enough room to maneuver. Unluckily, the pharmacy where the rest of Scarecrow’s henchmen were barricaded had entirely glass walls. Good to get in. Bad for stealth. The henchmen inside knew they were coming, but then again so did the hostages.
“What do you mean?” Nightwing asked innocently landing his triple flip on top of a henchman and using his momentum to swing into the man next to him, knocking him out as well. He bounced from that to spin into a punch, the velocity from the spin adding force behind the punch, making it powerful enough to break the henchman’s jaw. He surreptitiously glanced at the hostages before ducking the haymaker thrown by another henchman.
“He means you’re being extremely extra right now. Wait… oh my God! Which one is she?” Signal exclaimed, excitedly searching the hostages while he kicked one henchman in the chest hard enough to send them into a far wall, dodging another’s punch to punch him back in his unprotected side.
“The baby mama is in there?” Red Hood cut in. “Which one is she?”
“Hood! Not having this conversation right now,” Nightwing reprimanded sternly.
“Oh, calm down. All these guys are out,” Hood dismissed him.
“But the extensive amounts of surveillance cameras are not,” Nightwing hissed out.
Red Hood rolled his eyes. “Oracle?”
“On it. Five seconds of video gone,” Oracle’s voice sounded over the coms.
“Thank you,” Nightwing sighed.
“Okay, now that that’s taken care of, let’s go save your baby mama,” Signal responded with a grin before jumping through the window at the far side of the room, as far away from the hostages as possible, tackling two of the henchmen in the process.
“Back away or I start shooting with this one,” the lead henchman growled, holding a gun to Marinette’s head.
Nightwing froze. His eyes widened in panic. Red Hood and Signal took note of Nightwing’s response and quickly turned from laidback to tense. “Alright, calm down. Think about this. You shoot her, I shoot you,” Red Hood snarled. “Only I won’t kill you right away. I’ll do it slow and painfully. One shot at a time in the most pain inducing spots possible. Believe me when I say I know all of them.” The henchman looked over to the other vigilantes discretely. “They won’t stop me. I promise you.”
Signal nodded slightly to show his agreement without taking his eyes off the other five henchmen in the room. Three of which were standing in front of the other hostages. The other two were shoveling the last of the drugs they came for in their bags.
The lead henchman narrowed his eyes and pushed the gun harder against Marinette’s temple. She swallowed a whimper of pain, refusing to give him that satisfaction. “Sounds like she’s important to you then. So it seems like as long as I have her, I have my escape,” he jeered back at Hood.
Hood growled in response, but made no move to get closer. Marinette’s mind was reeling. This was now a standoff and she was the keystone. Someone had to do something. Maybe if they could get away from the other hostages she could do something… she just needed to figure out a plan, which would be significantly easier if she was familiar with the bats and how they usually thought and acted. She would use her nausea to throw up on him if she didn’t think he would just shoot her for it.
“Boys, grab a hostage and let’s go,” the lead hostage commanded.
Damn it! She no longer had time. She needed to act. Some of those hostages wouldn’t be able to move and there were children in the group. She stuffed down her fear. She felt nothing. She was empty. Except she wasn’t she had a baby now, she wasn’t just risking herself, she was risking the baby too so she couldn’t just fight and take the attention all onto herself. She needed a diversion. She sent a furtive look to her purse on the far side of the pharmacy and made eye contact with Tikki. She gave a slow nod and watched Tikki fly off to one of the racks of drugs. She tensed in anticipation.
She waited for the sound of whatever she was going to do and acted as soon as she heard it. She only spared a second to note a rack of drugs falling over taking out one of the henchmen. Having expected it, she recovered considerably quicker than the rest of the people in the room. She used the lead henchman’s momentary lack of attention to grab the hand holding the gun against her head and push it past her head while twisting under his arm to shove him toward the vigilantes. She yanked the gun out of his hand as she shoved him.
She took a second to take stock of the situation. Four henchmen left. All had dropped their bags of drugs to focus on getting out alive. Two headed for the vigilantes. One headed for the henchman under the rack, must be a friend or relative, she thought vaguely. It was the fourth that concerned her though. He was heading for the little girl tucked into her father’s side, probably still seeking a hostage to get away safely. She turned the safety on the gun, or at least that’s what she hoped she did, and threw it at his head as hard as she could.
The gun made contact, offsetting his balance. He struggled to recover and Marinette slid into his legs in a heroically miscalculated gesture. He fell back instead of forward and landing with his legs on Marinette. She had enough time to curl into a ball protecting her stomach before he kicked her in anger, the impact pushed all the air out of her lungs. She felt the pain radiate throughout her back.
“You fucking bitc…” he never got the chance to finish his insult. Nightwing’s hand was on his throat lifting him up and away from her in an instant. Marinette looked up in awe for a moment and scrambled back over to the other hostages to make sure they were okay. Within a few minutes, the room was flooded with police and the henchmen had been hauled away and were getting put into police transports while the hostages were brought out into the atrium of the hospital to wait to give their statements.
Red Hood helped Marinette up gently and personally guided her out to the atrium after all the other hostages had been led out. “Thanks for the help back there. Impressive job keeping calm and taking advantage of the distraction.”
Marinette hummed. “Thank you guys for saving us. You were very intimidating.”
Jason hummed back. “Yeah, I’m good for that. I’m the bad boy of the bat boy band. Now, interesting use of a gun and all, and I’m really glad it worked, but why, and I can’t stress this enough, the fuck didn’t you just shoot him?” Hood asked bemused.
“I’ve never fired a gun. He was between me and the hostages. If I missed, I might have hit one of the hostages. I’m better at throwing. I knew I wouldn’t miss if I threw it,” she shrugged, still catching her breath. “If I couldn’t get to him after the hit, I knew one of you would.”
Red Hood nodded in contemplation. “Solid reasoning. I’ll go with that. Remind me to teach you to shoot someday.”
Marinette rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Next time I see you, we’ll set it up,” she said dismissively and let out a strained chuckle.
Red Hood grinned. “I’m going to hold you to that.”
Marinette nodded slightly, her face took on a look of concentration and she started breathing deeply again.
“Woah, wait. That’s her?” Duke exclaimed, peeking around the corner to take a look. “Damn, you did good.” He repositioned so he could properly size her up without being too obvious. At which point, she promptly turned to a trash can and threw up. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.”
“She has really bad morning sickness. Shut it.” Nightwing growled, handing off the last henchman to the police.
“And that’s why I’m going to pretend like I didn’t see that,” Signal explained like he was explaining to a child.
Nightwing huffed at him and quickly moved over to check on Marinette. He reached out to rub her back like he would normally, but pulled his arms back at the last second. That was too familiar for him right now and she might not appreciate a stranger touching her. Plus he didn’t know how hard the guy had hit her. Her back might be bruised for a while. He would have to check it out later. “Are you alright, miss?”
“Miss,” Red Hood mocked him quietly, but made sure the coms could catch it as he followed the police cars taking the henchmen they had captured to prison.
Nightwing looked up to glare in his direction but didn’t respond. “It’s okay. I’m not contagious. I’m just pregnant.” She waved his concern away before moving toward a bench to sit.
Nightwing helped her sit with a charming smile. “Congratulations. I’m sure you and your boyfriend are very excited. But, are you alright after being held captive? How is your back?” His voice got nervous seeing her react by cocking her head to the side for a second before frowning and turning away. “…Are you not?” he asked carefully.
“Hm?” she hummed in question. She looked back up at him with a confused scowl before the realization spread across her face. “Oh! No, yes. Yes I’m fine, or will be and I think I’ll just have bruises, nothing broken and we’re very excited.” She gently laid her hand on her belly. “I just realized I don’t know what we are. We haven’t had that discussion. Ugh. I need to lay down for a second. Excuse me.” She walked herself back down until she was lying flat on the bench with her eyes closed and breathing deeply.
“Of course, sorry miss,” Nightwing responded awkwardly. He just realized he thought of her as his girlfriend, but they hadn’t discussed their relationship at all. They knew they wanted to parent together, but not how they wanted their relationship to go or where they were. He was fine with letting the relationship progress naturally without titles, but she might want something more concrete.
“It’s okay. At least this suffering is productive. I’m going to get something amazing out of it.” She offered him a weak smile without opening her eyes and returned to breathing deeply.
He smiled gently and answered quietly. “That’s a good way to think about it.” He wanted to brush her hair out of her eyes and kiss her, but he reminded himself he couldn’t. He backed off to check on the other victims, glancing back to her every few minutes. She had finally sat back up and her eyes were now open, but that hurt more. Instead of the bright, hopeful eyes he was used to, they now looked pained.
He wanted to hold her so badly it physically hurt to hold back. But he couldn’t do anything, not right now, not like this. He wasn’t her boyfriend right now. He wasn’t Dick Grayson, he was Nightwing, who she’d only just met. The distance grated on him. It burned his chest. He needed to leave. He wouldn’t be able to stay this close to her for much longer without hugging her and comforting her. If his eyes caught on her unsettled, worried eyes one more time, he was going to slip.
He clenched his fists and set his jaw. He had to act now. He looked over to Signal, catching his eye and nodding to him. Signal nodded back in understanding. Nightwing snuck out past the police and grappled a few buildings away. He tucked himself behind a half wall and changed back into his civilian clothes. “Hood can you please grab my stuff on your way back?” he called over the coms.
“What am I? Your errand boy?” He groused.
“Please, Hood.” The vulnerability in his voice was so potent, Hood felt guilty teasing him any further.
“Yeah, okay,” he agreed.
“Thank you,” he called as he ran back to the hospital. “Marinette!” Dick yelled pushing his way through the people standing around waiting for the police to take their statements and let them leave.
“Dick!” Marinette leapt up from her seat and ran to him, jumping into his arms.
Dick held her tightly, cradling her in his arms and stroking her hair. He’d known she was fine. He had just been there not a few minutes before speaking with her about her and the baby. He knew she was fine, but holding her in his arms was different. He hadn’t realized how fast his heart had been pounding until it started returning to a normal pace with her in his arms.
“How did you know?” she mumbled into his neck.
“You had an appointment here a little bit ago and weren’t answering your phone,” Dick explained, pulling away to check her over. He needed to see for himself she was okay. He patted down her arms and legs and ran his hands over her chest and belly, reassuring himself she was fine before he finally let out the breath he had been holding.
“If you wanted to feel me up, I’m sure we could find an empty office,” she smirked at him.
He spluttered a bit and blushed. “I wanted to see for myself that you were okay.” He pulled her back into his arms and buried his head in her neck, breathing in her scent. He kept her in his arms for a few minutes before speaking again. “I’m going to have to give a new answer for my favorite hero from now on,” he chuckled.
Marinette froze and pulled away, fear evident in her eyes. “What?”
“After your heroics earlier. I have a new hero.” He looked at her with mock awe. She rolled her eyes and pushed his face away, but stayed firmly in his arms, still too dazed to think about what he had said. “You’ve met the Gotham heroes now. Ready to change your favorite?”
“I did mention the very many times Chat saved my life, right?” She reminded him with a strained voice, playing along with the attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but only just.
“But Nightwing saved your baby. Chat can’t say that,” Dick pointed out with a grin, playing up the joke, but it had the opposite effect. Both of their faces went slack at the comment. She launched herself deeper into his arms as tears started falling. He tightened his arms around her. “I was so worried about you.” He pulled away just far enough to cup her face and stare in her eyes. “I was scared I wouldn’t get to see you again or you’d get hurt or lose the baby. What were you thinking?”
“I… I was thinking once they took them hostage, someone was going to die, maybe all of us. I was thinking there were people who couldn’t move well no matter how much they were threatened or hit. The henchmen weren’t going to put up with that. And there were kids that could be easy hostages. I couldn’t let them take them. I had to do something. There was an opportunity to do something and I could. Someone had to. The bats couldn’t without me getting hurt so it had to be me.”
Dick’s heart clenched tighter. He understood that motivation. They all did. That was one of the reasons they did what they did. They couldn’t just not help if they had the ability to do so. And he understood why it had to be her. But at the same time, he couldn’t watch her in danger like that. His heart stopped when the henchman she hit turned to attack her. And when the man had a gun to her head… He laid his forehead on hers and squeezed his eyes shut. All the panic and fear he had pushed down in order to function came to the surface and the tears started falling. “Please don’t… please don’t do that again. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, either one of you.”
“Hey, hey,” she wiped away her tears to gently bring his face up to hers and give him a hopefully convincing calm look. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Nightwing and Signal and Red Hood were here to protect me. I mean, how could things go wrong?”
Dick’s face fell and he held her closer because he knew exactly how it could have gone wrong. All the many ways it could have gone wrong. He’d already envisioned all of them, every unlikely, preposterous, ridiculous way it could have gone wrong, he’d pictured it. “Marinette, stay with me tonight. Just to cuddle. Just so I can know you’re okay.” He rushed to add anticipating her reaction. “I just… I want to know you’re okay. Just so I can feel you in my arms. If it’s too much…”
“Okay,” she interrupted, brushing his face with gentle fingers.
“Okay?”
The hopeful look in his eyes just about broke her heart. She didn’t think she could deny him anything when he looked at her like that. “Okay,” she confirmed. “I’m still a bit shaken too. I’d like to spend the night knowing you were right there with me, protecting me.”
He crashed his lips into hers and God, he wanted to deepen it. He wanted to taste her, but he knew he couldn’t yet, not with her nausea as bad as it was. He settled for gently biting her bottom lip and pulling on it. She groaned into it. He could feel her falter like she was holding herself back from more as well. He broke the kiss instead before either of them could do something that would make her sick.
He pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. “Okay, let’s get you home then. Maybe we can pick up a snack for you on the way. You hungry?” When she nodded, he stood up and guided her out of the hospital. “Commissioner Gordon?” He waited for the man to respond before continuing. “I’m going to take my girlfriend home now. She’s in no state to give a statement right now.”
Commissioner Gordon raised an eyebrow. “She looks fine to me.”
“She just threw up and she’s getting weaker.” Dick motioned to the trash can she had used earlier.
“Sounds like she should stay in the hospital then and get checked out,” he commented critically.
“They can’t really do much more for morning sickness than we can at home,” Dick answered quietly.
Commissioner Gordon’s eyes bulged out and he looked down to her stomach and back up. “Ah. Okay. Make sure my officers have your information before you leave. And congratulations to both of you.”
Marinette smiled weakly at him but Dick gave him a wide grin. “Thank you. We greatly appreciate it. And we aren’t telling people yet, for obvious reasons so if you can keep it under wraps, I’d appreciate it.” Commissioner Gordon nodded and waved them away.
They stopped to speak with an officer on their way out to make their way to a bakery nearby before heading to Dick’s car. As soon as they were out of earshot of the people around Marinette finally spoke up. “So… girlfriend?”
Dick grinned down at her. “I was hoping so anyway.” He stopped and cupped her face again so their eyes could meet. “Marinette, I’m already picturing my life with you. I already know I want you there in my life, which I realize is crazy because it’s so fast. At the same time I know girlfriend doesn’t sound like much considering… everything…”
“Yes!” Marinette kissed him again. “That sounds perfect for where we are. And… I’m already picturing my future with you and the baby too. I like those daydreams.” She wrapped her arms around his neck with a tired look. “Now how far exactly is this bakery? I’d really like to just get back to your place and curl up on the couch with my boyfriend and some delivery and watch a terrible movie.”
He smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, encouraging her to cuddle into his side and led her into the bakery they were standing outside of. “That sounds like a perfect night with my girlfriend.”
“Hey, Marinette’s boyfriend, next time you’re going to be disgustingly cutesy, turn your coms off,” Jason grumbled into the coms. “We don’t need more people in the family throwing up.”
Chapter 10
Tags:
@dickinette-february @demonicbusiness @ichigorose @iloontjeboontje @ladybug-182 @toodaloo-kangaroo @dast218 @golden-promises @trippingovermyfeet @emimar7 @laurcad123
#maribat#Dickinette February#dickinette#platonic jasonette#platonic adrienette#Hope on Board#Knocked Up AU#prompt - stunts
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We’ll Figure It Out
Nestor Oceteva x Reader
Request by the babe @garbinge: Hiii 🖤 no pressure/rush but figured I’d drop a couple requests for Nestor and an OC or reader insert whatever you’re feeling! Found these prompts on a few different lists 1) “Hey, look at me. Focus on me alright?” 2) “Do you think I could be pregnant?” 3) “I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.”
Warnings: language, mentions of pregnancy and periods
Word Count: 1.2k
A/N: I swear that I still write for all the other Mayans boys 😂 Nestor has just been a hot commodity lately with requests and who am I to say no? Also, I realized about halfway through writing this fic that I never clarified if you wanted all 3 prompts in one story...so I hope this is alright. 😅 Enjoy! xo
Taglist: @mayans-sauce @thesandbeneathmytoes @paintballkid711 @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @queenbeered @sillygoose6969 @sesamepancakes @yourwonkywriter @chibsytelford @gemini0410 @multiyfandomgirl40 @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @amandinesblogofstuff @bucky-iss-bae @encounterthepast @everyhowlmarksthedead @rosieposie0624
When you woke up, it felt like you hadn’t gotten any sleep. You groaned, rolling over to see that you were in the bed alone. After forcing yourself to sit upright, you reached to check the time on your phone. Your eyes grew wide, not able to believe that you had slept in until eleven. You also couldn’t believe that Nestor didn’t come and wake you.
You stumbled out to the living room and saw Nestor laying on the couch, laptop perched on his legs. He looked up at you and smiled, “Nice of you to join me.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“I tried,” he laughed, “You were basically comatose.”
You sighed as you collapsed onto the couch next to him, “Then why am I still fucking exhausted?”
He closed and put his laptop away. He gently pulled you closer, letting your head come to rest in his lap, “You sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve been more exhausted than usual this week.”
You nodded, closing your eyes as he gently massaged your temples, “I’m just sore, and crampy. Period is probably just going to be worse than usual this month.”
“Need me to get you anything?”
You shook your head, “No, I’ll be fine. Thank you, though. I love you.”
He hummed in approval, “I love you too.”
The two of you spent the day curled up on the couch together. You didn’t have the energy or the desire to do much else. You tried to push the pain from your mind but couldn’t, allowing yourself to curl up against Nestor for comfort.
The next couple of days ticked by, and the pain wasn’t really letting up. You were sick of feeling crampy, and bloated, and exhausted. Nestor was handling it like a champ, because it was definitely making you cranky. It felt like the longest bout of PMS ever, and you still only had some spotting. You didn’t even have a light at the end of the tunnel yet.
Nestor came home to find you, yet again, curled up on the couch with a heat pack on your lower stomach. His expression fell, you knew he was worried about you.
He sat next to you, “Do you think you should go to the doctor?”
You shook your head, “Why? So they can just tell me that it’s the pains of being a woman? No thank you.”
“Yea, but,” you could see it on his face that he didn’t want to seem pushy, or make you uncomfortable, “but you said that you didn’t even get your period yet. What if there’s something else going on?”
You sat up, “Something else?” you couldn’t hide the look of confusion on your face.
“Yea. Like, you know. What if you’re…”
The reality of what he was saying hit you light a freight train. You’d been so wrapped up in the pain and exhaustion, stuck in the thought of it just being the worst PMS in the world, that you hadn’t even thought about the other possibilities.
“Do you think I could be pregnant?” your eyes went wide.
He could feel the panic radiating off of you. He reached out and took your hand in his, “You gotta admit it’s at least a possibility, right?”
He was absolutely right, and you couldn’t believe that you hadn’t thought of that before. You’d lived your whole adult life with an extremely painful and inconsistent period, and you figured that this was just another month of suffering. Pregnancy hadn’t crossed your mind. You suddenly felt lightheaded, and it must’ve shown on your face, too, because Nestor instantly tried to talk to you and calm you down. You were only hearing a small fraction of what he was saying, too overwhelmed by the racing thoughts in your head.
“Y/N, hey,” he cupped your face in his hands, “Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright? You’re gonna be alright.”
“But what if you’re right?” you shook your head, “What if I’m pregnant? What the fuck am I gonna do?”
The two of you had never talked about kids. You knew that someday, down the road, you pictured yourself with a family. But it was always something distant. You had no idea where Nestor landed with all of that, especially given his line of work. Every single scenario was running through your brain at once. You didn’t want to put all of that on him, make him feel like he had to agree to something that he didn’t really want.
“Hey,” he was trying to gently tug you off of the downward spiral that you were on, “take a breath for me, alright?” he gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze, “We don’t even know anything for sure yet. Why don’t we get some answers before we freak out too much, okay?”
You tried to take a deep breath. Everything felt like it was moving at a mile a minute but when you saw the expression on Nestor’s face, it all started to slow down. You shook your head slightly, “How are you so calm about this?”
He smiled at you, “Because no matter what the situation ends up being, we’ll handle it,” he pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his arms tight around you, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. And, honestly, there has never been something that has happened that we haven’t been able to figure out together,” he kissed your forehead, “We’re going to be okay.”
You buried your face into the crook of his neck, finally able to take a deep breath. You tried to focus on the sensation of his hand sliding up and down your back, on the warmth emanating from his body, “I love you so much,” you slid your arms around him, “Are we okay?”
He chuckled, pulling back from you slightly, “What? Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”
“Depending on what we find out, I know this is…a lot. And I know that we haven’t talked about it, kids and shit, I mean. I don’t want to pull you into something that you aren’t comfortable with.”
“I told you,” he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “we’re in this together. No matter what happens, I’m not leaving you. I promise.”
You rested your forehead against his. There was a lot that you had to figure out, a lot of questions that you had to get answered, but at least now you knew that you had Nestor in your corner. No matter what happened, you’d have him. He was right, the two of you had always figured out everything together and this was going to be no different. It might not be easy, but the two of you could make anything work.
“Thank you,” your eyes were still closed, “for being the one in this relationship that doesn’t instantly lose their shit all the time.”
He laughed, nuzzling his nose against yours, “Anything for you,” he paused, letting a few beats of silence pass between you, “No matter what happens over these next few weeks, I hope you know that I’ve always wanted a future with you, a family. I’ve never had any doubts about that.”
“Yea?”
“Yea.”
You smiled, “Good to know.”
#mayans mc#mayansmc#mayans fx#mayans mc imagine#nestor oceteva#nestor oceteva x reader#nestor oceteva x you#nestor oceteva imagine#my writing#fanfiction#drabblesmc
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Until then, we will find each other again. <||>
fluff & angst drabble, reincarnation au, modern au
| Xiao x Reader | Diluc x Reader |
Note: I'm sorry that I can't put the cut thingy bcos im writing in mobile. Once I get ahold of my laptop I'll put the cut thingy. Happy reading^^ i swear these were supposed to be short but welp
Xiao
Notes: Immortal companion* - Just think of someone immortal from the game. This is also a different take from Venti's and Zhongli's because I honestly think Xiao is so done with immortality and its consequences.
Suicide implicitly mentioned.**
Xiao is mourning for the passing of his immortal companion*, making him the last immortal to walk the world. Now, it is he, who last remains from a time of gods and monsters. Each passing of a mutual, he witnessed. They deemed it was their time to move on, for humanity has succeeded to bring fate into their own two hands. The world no longer needed them.
Xiao has already suffered loss way before the Archon War. Yet, he never expressed the emotion of grief for he needed to be strong lest the world will eat him alive. However, this passing made his heart of glass, chip a little, then shattering the whole thing altogether. Or perhaps, it was already chipped away and too fragile because of the losses that has culminated in his immortal life.
Now, he lays on the roof of a building of what used to be Wangshu Inn. He was trying hard not to break down again. By doing so, he merely cursed fate over and over again. Yet, to no avail, the man exploded in tears once more, too tired from all the pain and loss suffered from millenias.
Then... there's you. You who uttered the words, "Until then, we will find each other again."
With all sincerity he can muster, he wanted to believe those words. He wanted to believe in you. That's why he stayed. Yet... the pain he feels heavily overweighs his faith in you.
**
He just wants to... end it all.
"I just want to disappear..."
**
No one heard him utter those words, only the wind. And the wind- just as once the Anemo Archon had said, carries the words one thinks no one can hear.
It came like a whisper, yet loud and clear. Then all of a sudden, the memories of your previous life flashed before your eyes. You dropped the book you were holding and held your temples at the incoming migraine.
"Are you alright?" You friends asked in worry, looking for any visible signs of pain aside from your clenched eyes and your frowning expression.
You could only groan as a reply and your friends waited for you to take your time to recollect yourself.
Who... Whose voice? You knew this voice... But who?
You finally removed your hands and opened your eyes.
"I- I have to go... Go without me." Was all you said before leaving your friends in the dust who looked at your way with confusion.
Who? Many questions riddled your mind. And with all these unanswered, worry and anxiety grew in your heart. Tears began to swell in your eyes, worsening your headache.
This is not about you! You have to look for... something! Someone! Just-
"Dear gods, please please don't you dare fucking take him..."
You sprinted around the area, following and listening to that now faint whisper under the night. The whispers only became clearer and louder when you approached a building which used to be an inn.
The moment you stepped foot within the building, the lone whisper became mixed with more words which did not lift your heart.
Fuck.
With pure adrenaline, you opted to use the stairs instead of the damn elevator. You have finally reached the door leading to the rooftop, and at that point, the whispers became screams. However, when your hand grasped the handle, the voice in the wind stopped. You opened the door at full to be met by the back of the man who stands at the railing.
Xiao...?
Xiao..
Xiao.
"Xiao!"
At the call of his name by a familiar voice, his head whipped to its direction. But he shall not be fooled.
"You... you're not real."
The words along with lifeless eyes stabbed you.
"It's me, Xiao! Y/n! Don't do this! I'm sorry I took so long! But I'm here now! Just as I had promised!"
Your heart was beating against your ribcage. You had to prove you were real. But how?
"You're just an illusion made by my heart."
"Xiao, please! Fuck I'm really sorry! But please you don't have to do this... I... I remember everything, Xiao... All those times we battled in the war. Those times we shared almond tofu. The times we smiled, cried, laughed, and fought...
I remember everything..."
For each word you uttered, you grew confident in your memories. For each word, you took a step closer. For each word, you saw life coming back to the man you love.
"So please... Come back..."
At the final word, you released all your sincerity, genuity, and adoration for him. And finally, your hands took purchase in his (while trying so hard not to shed any tear for his sake).
"It's me."
...
"Y/n...?"
You beamed at him and finally, Xiao's eyes were now shining in clarity, and of course, life and love.
Diluc has been reincarnated many times, yet still has not found you. Through his reincarnated forms, he alternated between travelling and staying in Mondstadt. The former done in order to find you. The latter done in the chance you would find him there.
Diluc
For the first time in his many lifetimes, his current form surprised him. When he reached 'sixteen', his memories resurfaced and the realization sank in. His appearance ended just as how he looked in his first ever lifetime. The only difference was the length of his hair. He even ended up being reincarnated in the Ragnvindr Family along with inheriting the winery business.
To put it bluntly, walking within the old yet maintained Ragnvindr Mansion was a memory lane. However, the moment of reminiscence only gave him a heavy heart, for within these halls used to be filled with your laughter.
In this very same spot where he currently stands, is where you uttered your last words.
"Until then, we will find each other again."
Walking aimlessly around the mansion, he thinks about those long, long years without you. Must be fate so cruel? Making him search far and wide, when in the end fate does not want you to return to him? The man clenched his fists, and in anger, punched the nearby wall.
He expected a bursting kind of pain to come, yet what came was a dull throb on his knuckles. Yet this is not only what he had not expected. He did not expect for the wall to respond with a resounding hollowness.
A hidden corridor? Room? When had the family installed this?
Curiosity held him and began kicking the hollow wall without hesitation. What secrets does it hide from all these years, he shall know. Once the wall opened up for him to fit, he entered with a lit phone in hand at extreme brightness.
Again, what he saw, he had not expected. What he saw both filled and emptied his heart simultaneously. What he saw was a painting of you and him, together in a moment of shared happiness.
"Dilu-" His mother called which snapped out of his trance. His head snapped at her direction and saw her eyes fill with solemness.
"I didn't mean to-"
His mother hushed him with a gentle smile and entered the room to stand alongside him.
"You know," his mother began, "I always believed in the fantasy that had been once in our world. Lord Barbatos, the other Archons, the Twins that saved our world, Visions, and... reincarnation. I always believed in them.
The moment I saw your features when you were born, I knew you were the reincarnation of the Uncrowned King of Mondstadt... So I named you after him because I knew your memories would resurface someday. I knew the day would come when my son will no longer be my son. Because when that day comes, all I would see in your eyes is a long unspoken wisdom and pain that will replace your innocence free from battles and war."
Diluc was surprised, yet kept his emotions to himself. He understood what his mother was pointing at. "Is... Is this why this picture is hidden?"
His mother nodded solemnly. "Perhaps, I was afraid and scared about when the day I spoke of will take place. That's why I ordered this painting be hidden. I knew this painting of you and Lady Y/n will unlock your memories sooner, but I didn't want that."
For once in his lifetimes, his heart softened with love. The kind of love that assures you that someone cares for you. Never in his reincarnated lifetimes, had he experienced this feeling. All those years, he was just... lost in the feelings and thoughts of not being with you.
The man stepped towards his mother with hesitation to which he instantly erased. He hugged his mother with a soft spoken voice saying these words.
"I will always be your son and you will always be my mother. That will never change. I may be 'older' than you, but please do remember that I would not have grown to who am I today without your guidance. For that, I deeply thank you for taking care of me...
I love you, Mom."
With his words, his mother burst into light tears accompanied by a smile. "Don't make me cry, I'm going to wrinkle." Diluc laughed at the comment. After a loving moment, the two separated yet his mother still held onto his arms.
"You've grown so much... I guess little birds do leave the nest someday."
"It wouldn't be possible without you."
His mother looked at him with a proud gaze, "Go. Find her. If memory serves right, I might have seen someone like her dwell everyday in the local library."
The man released his breath he never knew he was holding. Diluc hugged his mom again with a peck on her cheek. He then let go and began to exit the room with haste.
"Once I come home, I will tell you everything. Venti, Morax, the Twin Travelers, the Archons, and Visions. I will tell you everything."
With a rush, Diluc was now out of sight. Yet, the Madam Ragnvindr was not saddened. Her heart swelled for her son whose eyes are finally, once more lit with happiness. However, who's Venti?
A/n: welp truth be told diluc's story took an unexpected turn lol. It's either I'm going to leave this like that or continue it. Take your pick by commenting because I'm actually fine with either options haha happy reading <3
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#diluc genshin impact#diluc#diluc ragnvindr#xiao genshin impact#xiao#diluc x reader#xiao x reader#genshin imagines
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(Dianakko Week) There’s no way she- (3): “There’s no way she tamed that.”
@dianakko-week
A/N: Okay! So I’m really sorry if day 2 confused y’all ;-;. I just couldn’t reveal as much info to be clear as I thought ;-; I dunno if this chapter will do any good of explaining, but here’s to hoping that it does! T-T Also apologies if the whole story goes south or off the rails since I’m really running on fumes this week and am at peak exhaustion capacity woo! So these chapters/days might just be getting weird and incoherent idk. Sorry. This is kind of like... going back and forth between days 2-4 in terms of theme, I think. But well. uh... Idk anymore.
Enjoy?
~Shintori Khazumi
Day 3: Familiars/Animals
“There’s no way she tamed that.”
“I’m just glad you’ve all settled in just fine.”
“Honestly? Same.” Barbara sighed, looking into the orb that showed Lotte and Sucy’s faces. “I guess it’s just that we’ve been here for a few months- two? Three? It’s a good start.”
“How’s her majesty holding up?” Sucy asked teasingly, but with concern clear in her visible eye.
Barbara bit her lip, not really sure of the answer herself. “She never showed me or Han, but I know that she’s cried to Akko-with Akko” Barbara shook her head fondly, recalling their sweet dork. “-when we all went to bed. It went on for a few weeks. Right now, she’s... she’s holding up. She’s tough, we all know.”
“Yes. You all are.” Lotte said with a smile that quickly melted away into a deep frown. “I can’t believe they burned down the mansion.”
“I can’t believe they were able to get through Diana’s cloaking spell.” Sucy commented. “Something isn’t right, but no one can pinpoint just what it is yet.” She said, swirling an ominous-looking fluid in one of her flasks.
Barbara nodded. “Well, anyway, I’ll get back to you later. I’m on dinner duty and the sun has been sending me warnings.” She chuckled, noticing the changing hues of the horizon. “Talk to you again sometime?”
“We’ll update you on the situation.” Lotte assured, waving to her friend before the connection cut and the orb turned blank.
Barbara sighed, standing up from the table to return the orb on their shelf in the living room of the cozy stone cottage they had settled in, deep in a forest of some unknown country far away from home.
It was a new world with so many unknowns. Maybe too many. Including why Diana and Akko had been targeted this way. Diana had told them that she’d been stripped of her position on the magic council, and had been ‘warned’ that she would someday suffer the consequences of not complying with the other members. So far, that was all they knew. They just found that Diana had a hunch that they needed to leave soon. They were so glad they did.
Barbara began prepping in the kitchen, getting all her ingredients from the fridge that she’d need for the dish she wanted to cook. Suddenly, a chorus of yells from her two teammates caught her attention, telling her that they were close to home, along with their other friend whose name was pronounced loud on their lips-
“AKKO?!”
//
“What?” Akko shrugged, clearly not getting why this was such a big deal. Florence was one of her sweetest familiars!
“No, no, no. Not ‘what?’, Akko... how... why? Who? Where did you even-” Hannah stammered. “There’s no way she tamed that. Right, Diana?” She turned to their team leader, still staring up at the very real, and very large griffin.
“Akko... how did you even... you say this is your familiar??? A gryphon of this size? We all know that contracting familiars are difficult, but you just-”
She and Hannah watched as Akko continued to play with the somehow puppy-like griffin, Akko rubbing it’s belly as it rolled on the grass in front of their home.
“Diana.” Akko deadpanned. “You literally kept a Kelpie at home.” She saw Diana open her mouth about to deny the statement, and cut her off. “Don’t lie. I saw you feeding it by the lake the other day.”
“Well...”
“I watched you train it the other day.”
“I-”
“I’ve also seen it playing in the fountain in the yard back at home-” As that word slipped, Akko realized her mistake, seeing Hannah giving her a disproving look as Diana’s face looked momentarily downcast, before masking it with a smile.
“Diana-” Akko tried to reach out, but her girlfriend had taken a careful step back, leaving a pang in Akko’s heart. “I’m sor-”
“I’ve been caught red-handed, I suppose.” Diana laughed mirthlessly, a hand rubbing up and down her opposite arm as she looked off into the distance. “Oh look at that! The sun is setting. We should go inside.” She quickly changed the topic, being the first one to turn around and head for their house, not waiting for her companions to follow.
Hannah groaned, smacking the back of Akko’s head. “Nice going, Akko.”
“Hey!”
“Make sure to hide that familiar somewhere and wash your hands before dinner! Barbara’s going to have your head the next time you touch her table with those filthy hands.” She warned before disappearing into the cottage after Diana.
“I already know that. You don’t have to tell me.” Akko scoffed, crossing her arms before getting nuzzled by her Griffin, a cute confused look on his face. She smiled, petting it’s side before doing what Hannah had told her to do. “Come on, Florence. Let’s get you back in with the others?”
Reaching into her shirt, Akko pulled out a locket, casting a spell on it that made it larger, revealing a briefcase that looked like any other. However, as she turned the dials of it’s lock code, multiple sounds spring forth from it as the case shook.
Florence nuzzled against her back, whining about her actions. Akko got the message. “Sorry, buddy. I know it’s been a while since I let you out free, but I don’t have anywhere better to keep you all yet. Hang on just a bit more? For me?” She rubbed the Griffin’s head before holding the briefcase closer to him and Florence disappeared into the container. “Thank you.” She patted the lid.
After closing it securely, she spun the numbers to form a different code that brought about silence before shrinking it back into the size that she kept around her neck.
“I hope they waited for me for dinner.”
//
“Are you alright?”
Diana looked up from her seat on the small porch, gaze warming as she was met by the sight of her old friend with two mugs in hand, steaming and warm. She simply nodded, patting the seat next to her.
Hannah nodded, settling down next to Diana and handing her her drink. Before Diana could even greet and thank her, a thick blanket was draped across her shoulders from her other side. Barbara promptly took seat on that free space, leaning her weight against Diana and closing her eyes.
“Girls...”
“You can trust us with your pain as much as you do with Akko, you know?” Hannah murmured, Barbara nodding against Diana’s side.
“...I know.” Biting her lip, Diana tried her best to form the appropriate words. Seconds slipped by and she continued failing at being open to her best friends. “I’m sorry. It’s still a little difficult.” She felt the pair sigh on each side of her, and felt a little bad.
“We suppose that one is on us for constantly placing you up on a pedestal. Both then and now.” Barbara chuckled, the statement supposedly lighthearted despite all three knowing it was the heavy truth. “Just know that when you’re ready, we will always be willing to listen, yes?” She turned her body around, enough to embrace Diana, Hannah mirroring the action as they both squeezed her tight.
Diana squeaked as they planted a kiss on each side of her face before laughing at how bashful she was being.
“Well, that’s all from us. We’ll be heading in now.”
Diana had wanted a few more minutes of time with them, but as she followed them with her eyes, she saw someone else waiting by the door.
“Fix this.” She heard Hannah whisper to the dejected-looking Akko, loud enough for all of them to hear. Barbara giggled as she entered the house first, and Diana found her own chuckles slipping out as Akko grumbled her way towards Diana until she stood face to face with her.
“...”
“...”
“Hi.”
“Hello, dear.”
Diana felt her heart ache in a bittersweet way as she saw tears form in Akko’s eyes, and the girl kneeled in front of her, relocating Diana’s mug of hot chocolate somewhere safe on the wooden porch before taking both of her hands in hers and kissing each knuckle.
“I love you...” She whispered, holding Diana’s hands to her forehead as Akko bowed her head to hide her face from her. “And I’m sorry...”
“Darling...” Diana sighed with a smile. “Come here.”
Diana watched Akko briefly hesitate before gingerly snaking her arms round about Diana, snuggling into her fully.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. You didn’t mean to hurt me or anything.”
“But I did.” Akko sniffled, remembering that Diana had entrusted her sorrows and fears to her for nights and nights since they lost their old home, and how carelessly Akko had mentioned it while Diana was still touchy about the subject. “So I’m still sorry.”
Diana turned her head slightly to the side, enough to place a tender kiss on Akko’s cheek, “Then, Thank you. Thank you for apologizing, Love.”
“Mmm.”
They stayed that a way a few moments before Akko pulled away, a big grin plastered over her face.
“I have something to show you. Just to make it up to you.” She’d said, turning to the sky with lips pursed to release a unique whistling sound that Diana was not so familiar with.
She decided to face where Akko had been directing her attention, squinting at the night sky dotted with stars she knew all too well. She didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, so what was Akko trying to do-
There was a flash of gold and of a passionate color. It wasn’t lightning, Diana knew; neither was it the twinkling of the stars overhead. So what exactly...
Then it came closer, perching on Akko’s arm that she had left outstretched.
Diana’s mouth gaped, a surprise much similar to what she had experienced earlier today, returning.
“Akko, this is a...”
Akko scratched the back of her head sheepishly, smiling adorably awkward as she attempted to ‘introduce’ them. “Alfred, this is Diana. Diana, this is Alfred.”
Diana nodded at the creature that stared at her with it’s bright beady eyes. Literally bright, it was in its entirety.
“He’s a baby phoenix.”
Diana nodded solemnly, still in awe. Of both the creature and Akko who was currently petting it with a magically protected hand.
Diana knew that Akko always had a strange affinity for communicating with animals. Even back in her years as ‘Luna Nova’s Dunce’- or so many had labeled her as (Diana was forever mad at that fact)- Akko had already shown her uncanny ability to empathize with non-human beings. She so easily befriended fae, was able to get along with both of Chariot’s own familiars: Alcor and Arcas of all creatures. There was also the fact that she had learned fish language in her own unconventional way and had become increasingly fluent in it and other magical creature languages over the next few years.
Now that she really about it, she realized that she usually saw Akko tending to the magical animals used by the security sector of the council, or doing work related to that. She had at first seen it as them pushing all the mucky work onto her like cleaning stables for pegasi, or feeding the more exotic research birds.
Seeing Akko right now, she felt like it should explain a whole lot more than she thought she knew about her. It made Diana feel slightly ashamed and insecure that she had yet to uncover this fact about her own lover that she had been with for so long now.
Diana shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts. This wasn’t the time to doubt their relationship with one another.
In this new light she was now viewing Akko in, Diana now suspected one of the reasons why the council desperately tried to keep Akko from quitting back then despite not making much use of her at her actual supposed job. They had probably realized all too quickly, and for reasons Diana doubted were good.
But did Akko know this? Was she aware?
Diana fiddled with her hands. Maybe she should ask.
“Akko?” She tugged on the girl’s shirt sleeve.
“Hmm?”
Diana took a breath. “I know... that one of the reasons you left your old duties behind was because you didn’t really love the job at the council... and all that.” She watched Akko nod slowly, hands stilling from caressing Alfred.
“Go on?”
“But I can’t help but think now that there’s another reason... you know, something more?” Diana looked at her dearest friend and lover with hopeful eyes, wondering if she’d tell her something she didn’t know. Something that wasn’t in the written letters Akko’s various familiars had brought to her during the moments they were apart, something that she couldn’t have observed despite having worked in generally the same establishment because they had been firmly kept apart.
Why did it suddenly feel like Diana... didn’t know a lot about Akko?
She felt a pang in her heart, only supplemented by the silence that Akko had met her with.
“Sorry.” She quickly said. “Maybe it wasn’t right of me to ask.” She was about to get up when Akko stopped her, a hand holding onto Diana’s, silently bidding her to stay.
Diana sat back down and Akko rested her head on her shoulder, rubbing patterns on Diana’s hand with her thumb as she began to speak.
“Diana, did you know? That magical creatures have so much more magical energy stored in their bodies than any other living things? So much so that a magical sparrow could probably power Luna Nova for almost a week, maybe.” Akko chuckled and Diana smiled at the lovely sound.
Nodding, she responded. “Well, I knew something of that nature, yes. Did Pisces teach you that? Chariot?” She asked, squeezing Akko’s hand gently in hers.
“Partially... but...” Akko sighed. “I also found it out myself.”
Diana nodded, not wanting to interrupt anything.
“You know me so well Diana, so I’m sure that you’ve noticed by now that I have...” Akko paused, in thought of how she should word it. “Quite a few? Familiars?”
Diana snorted, bringing their joined hands up to her lips and kissing the back of Akko’s hand. “A lot, dear. A whole lot.”
Akko giggled alongside her before calming and adopting a more serious look. Diana lent her ears once more, preparing herself for what was to come.
“It started when they discovered I could easily befriend them. The magical beasts and creatures.” Akko frowned, surely remembering things she did not want to. “They sent me out to catch, acquire, and well tame magical beasts. Pfft-Like I could do that.”
Diana was about to argue that Akko could- as could clearly be observed, but was beaten to the punch.
“It was much easier than I believed it should be.” She admitted. “At first, I had no clue what they needed it for. I assumed more research on animals, extending our knowledge, and all that good stuff, you know?” Akko huffed, lifting her other hand up to guide her little phoenix into flight so that it would return to where it came from.
Diana guessed it was because Akko didn’t want it understanding what she was about to reveal next.
“Of course, I had felt bad about intruding into their habitats and taking one of their kind, but I had hoped that after whatever observations the council and researchers had, I could just return them to their families and homes.”
Diana felt Akko’s grip tightening around her hand, breathing shallowing.
“Then one day, I saw these beautiful, beautiful creatures in one of the outer courtyards...” Akko squeezed her eyes shut, painfully recalling the memory of what she saw that day. “They killed them, Diana. Killed them in order to power some device that I have no clue about. I saw it in passing when I accompanied the secretary around before I was shut out.” Akko confessed.
Diana leaned her head on Akko’s, mind flying to places she had tried forgetting about because of the pain they caused her as she tried to make sense of what Akko knew, and what she had also found out.
“That’s when I decided to quit and go to the places I believed more beasts resided in... especially the more endangered and possibly more powerful ones from what I had looked into, and what Chariot and Pisces had told me. I thought that maybe I could keep them safe that way. I’m sure the council had someone replace me in my... ‘work’.”
Akko allowed herself to fall over and lay herself on Diana’s lap, turning around to bury her face in the woman’s stomach.
Diana felt arms wrap around her waist, and she brought her hands atop Akko’s head to comb through silky chocolate strands. She felt the tension in Akko’s body release, before hearing another quiet, “I’m sorry”.
Diana would have asked what for, but they both already knew that.
“I just couldn’t tell you at that time. Not when you were also trying your best to establish your position in that very same council. I thought it would put you at risk of losing your job... or worse.”
Diana could just hear her choke up on that word, having now been acquainted with the ‘worse’ bit.
“So I decided to distance myself for a bit. I’m sorry, Diana. I’m sorry.” Akko murmured against her stomach. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Diana could feel a wet patch growing on her stomach. She continued to gently run her fingers through Akko’s hair in hopes of soothing her lover and reassuring her that it was all alright. That she understood. That she was grateful that Akko did it to protect her.
“I just wish I had told you back then, now that all of this happened. It’s still very much my fault, isn’t it?” Akko sniffled, turning away to wipe her nose on her sleeve. “Aaagghh, I really am sorry. To you, to Hannah and Barbara, and to everyone else.” Akko tried to slow her breathing in order to stop crying as she looked straight up at the night sky. “This is all my fault.”
Her view of the starry sky was obstructed, but replaced with the blues of a summery morning, even though it was the dead of night.
She was entranced, just like she’d always been since a long time ago.
Akko felt her eyelids flutter shut as Diana leaned down, closer, closer, and closer...
Thwack-
“Ouch!”
Akko’s eyes shot open as she was met with a stern Diana.
“Don’t just take all the blame like that and treat this whole thing as your decision solely. We all came here on our own accord. Hannah, Barbara, and I. Actually, didn’t we drag you hear in the first place?” Diana scolded a thoroughly shocked Akko.
“Y-yes.”
Diana’s expression relaxed as she chuckled, finally giving Akko the kiss she’d been expecting. “That’s why, my love, please. Continue to trust us.”
Diana could swear she could read a million I love you’s written all over Akko’s face. The sweetheart.
“Besides. I have things I need to discuss with you all as well. And I think- no. I know that it is connected with what you’ve just told me tonight.”
Diana nudged Akko up, guiding them both back on their feet.
“But for now, can we finally get some shut-eye?” She looked at Akko with a pleading face that the latter dared not say no to.
“Definitely.”
Diana squealed as she was hoisted up into strong arms and carried into the house, across their small living room and into their shared bedroom, careful not to make as much noise when they passed by their friends’.
As Akko lay Diana down on the soft sheets, she peppered kisses about her face, the pair giggling and whispering until they were all out of mirth.
Tomorrow was another day, and it might just be another frightful one.
But well, they had each other and it didn’t matter as much anymore.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Snuggled beneath the covers, to the soft cooing of the breezes of the forest, they began to drift to slumber-
“Oh, that’s right, Love.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you mind showing me your other animals?”
“Not at all, dear.”
“Great.”
“Any reason why?”
“I just want to see Hannah’s shocked face again if we ever find something like a manticore or minotaur with you, haha.”
“...”
“I’m jesting, Love- Akko... why are you wearing that expression? Akko... no way... No. Really?!”
“...You see...”
“There’s no way you tamed that!”
A/N: If you’ve seen fantastic beasts- I just loved the suitcase concept. Also I dunno, I thought of the whistling thing and wondered if it was an actual summoning technique and found a transcendental- was it- whistling. Welp. It’s almost 2am and I’m doing this while also doing my lab reports skgmdsoigndfngsdr okay. Time to di-p. Time to dip into work. Ciao!
~Shintori Khazumi
#dianakko week 2021#diakko#diana cavendish#atsuko kagari#hannah england#barbara parker#lotte yanson#sucy manbavaran#lwa#little witch academia#fanfic
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Hello!
It is currently past midnight. I decided to make a post where I’d put all my favorite Dramione quotes so I can look back on them and squeal. That’s all.
✨✨✨
1. “You love fighting with me just as I love fighting with you, that’s why we do it so well.” He smirked down at her and pressed a kiss to her lips. “This house is just as much yours as it is mine, I’m sorry I made you feel anything less than that.” His thumb traced the edges of her lips before she reached up and took his hand in hers.”
2. “Hey, hey, none of that.” He gently admonished, “Granger, I can’t tell you whether or not we moved in too soon. I can say that this feels right, waking up with you, going to bed with you, even cleaning up all the hair you shed in the shower- how are you not bald? I am convinced your hair has magical properties all on its own-'' He grunted when she smacked him in the side. “What I mean is Granger, I want you for a long time, longer than I’ve ever wanted anyone else if I’m being honest. I’d have been kidding myself if I thought falling in love with a swotty pain in the arse Gryffindor would’ve been easy.”
Transformation
happy_valley
—
1. “Expecting a challenge--some tired but emphatic refusal to take Muggle medicine--I braced myself for the inevitable argument. He turned his head to my hand resting on his shoulder, kissed a knuckle, and went back to sleep.
I didn't stop shaking until I reached the Boots.”
2. “and given how I feel about you, you'd think I'd do everything in my power to ruin your marriage. Having him believe it was you acting on his behalf, seizing an opportunity that was tailor-made for him will not get me what I want. Sadly, the opposite is also true. I know you don't believe me, but I actually thought making him happy would make you happy.”
3. “I am not most women," I pointed out. "Hence the slapping."
"No, I admit they broke the mold when they made you. That's why I'm absolutely madly in love with you. Head over heels. Dizzy with desire. Crazy--”
4. “He shrugged and his mouth flattened into a line. "It's been a grim few months. I'm only human. Have I told you that I love it when you're stern with me? Your mouth gets all prissy and adorable. Like you've eaten a sweet lemon. A silly metaphor but somehow apt." He pursed his lips”
5. “Someday I hope you'll look at me, and I won't see that half-second of disgust with which your gaze always greets me. Anyway, it's not true. I want you because I love you.”
6. “He kissed me on the forehead and then despite his previous admission, he wrapped me in an embrace, his breath hot against my ear. "I love you. I know you don't believe me, but I do. And aside from the fact you are beautiful and smart and articulate and sexy, most importantly, you're the only person I know who has the guts and determination to stop me from becoming my father."
The Politician's Wife
pir8fancier
—
1. “After what felt like a lifetime and at the same time a split second, they parted, gazing into one another’s eyes with the passion they both felt. Hermione’s eyes implored him to say what she wanted him to say – that this wasn’t the end, that they would have another chance, that he wouldn’t give up – but he couldn’t lie to her. He would never lie to her.”
2. “Hermione just stared at the floor, biting her lip and feeling as though every dream she had ever had had been crushed. Maybe it had. “I wanted to save you,” she whispered, finally meeting his gaze. “I wanted to save you.”
Draco stepped forward, taking one moment more to touch her face with the back of his hand and memorize the deep brown of her eyes. “You did,” he said simply.
And there was no more to be said”
3. “Draco didn’t let her finish. His hands cradled her head as he kissed her, softly as first just like the night before, and then harder, with more passion and intensity. She returned the kiss with everything in her might, trying to say what she wanted to say – “I love you” – without words”
4. “She wasn’t going to give up though. Hope was in front of her now, and she had almost been afraid that such a thing was lost to her forever. Draco may have given up on saving himself, but Hermione wasn’t about to do the same. She loved him – that she knew for sure – and she was going to make sure Draco got his second chance.
She’d die before she let anything tell her otherwise.”
5. “I’m not leaving without you,” she said firmly. He didn’t reply, just set his mouth in a firm line. She wished she could make him feel what she felt – a certainty that this wasn’t the end for him, that she was going to fight until her last breath to give him the freedom he had suffered for. She wanted to reach out and hold him, to cradle his face in her hands and tell him that they would make it to the end together.
“This is your time, Hermione,” he said, reaching out and taking one of her hands in both of his. “This is what you’ve been waiting for.”
“It’s your time, too,” she said, and she hoped she sounded as confident as she felt. “This is your second chance.”
6. “Draco gave her an imploring look, gripping her upper arms and forcing her to look right into his eyes. “Hermione, you know how I feel. I’ve never told you, but you must know. So when I tell you that dying for you and your cause and my cause is the closest I’ll ever get to being whole again, believe me.” He paused, reaching his hand up to push the straggling bangs out of Hermione’s eyes. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Hermione Granger, and I can never thank you enough. So just let me help you in the only way I know how.”
7. “Hermione could feel tears forming in her eyes, and she quickly reached up to pull Draco into her arms. He held onto her tightly, trying to memorize every detail of her for the last time. When they pulled away, Draco swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked into her warm brown eyes. There’s never enough time for us.”
8. “You may not have forgiven yourself,” Hermione whispered to him, laying her face against his shoulder as he shook with sobs. “But we already have. One day, you’ll learn to see yourself the way we do.”
Bittersweet and Strange
UndiscoveredQueen19
—
“Hermione, I love you." She didn't smile, she didn't say anything back either. She just kept looking up at him. He wondered she even heard him. He knew it was wrong to say it in this moment, but he didn't know if either of them would survive. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you until now. But I love you. So much." He kissed her forehead.”
A Future Uncertain
LightsWrites
—
“Suddenly, Draco laughed, a bitter, self-deprecating laugh. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you? Well, I guess it’s the least I owe you.”
He leaned closer to her, looking straight into her eyes, and she suddenly felt the urge to draw back and run away. She made herself sit still.
“I love you, Hermione. I think I have for a long time,”
Seven Years and a Day
Dark Rose
—
“She was half expecting him to just walk through the door but Draco surprised her when he suddenly turned around and returned to her side. She lifted an eyebrow but before she could say anything, Draco drew her into a hug.
“Goodnight.” His whisper tickled her ear.
She could barely return his hug when Draco pulled away with an impish grin. She knew he knew she was going to think of him for the rest of the night. ‘Darn it. Bloody Draco Malfoy.”
A cornucopia of noncoincidences
muffin_reverie
—
“Draco..." She felt a little uneasy.
"I love you." He had said it before, but the words had never sounded so fierce. "I won't let him hurt you.”
Alternate History
Furare
—
“You’re beautiful and compassionate and funny and… I know you probably hear it all the time but you’re brilliant and I plan on telling you that every bloody day. You make me want to buy a shop and sell potions and make my own way in this world doing something I love and something I excel at, but it’s more than that it’s… it’s…”
She waited him out.
“It’s bells on a hill with you, Granger.”
Bells on a Hill
HeyJude19
—
1. “Draco opened the door the rest of the way and pulled her into his arms; he held her tightly as if he would never let her go, as if he could push all the hurt away. She could feel his heart beating and its constant rhythm soothed her, as did the steady rise and fall of his chest. Gradually her sobs slowed, then stopped. She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes.
"Do you want us to stay?" he asked quietly. She shook her head, and he tilted her chin so their gaze met. "Hermione, will you be okay today? Tell me the truth. I hate that we're leaving you alone today."
She looked into his eyes and saw deep concern and worry. "Yes," she said weakly. "Thank you."
Draco wrapped her in his arms again, then released her and leaned down and kissed her forehead. "See you soon." He turned and left her standing there before he lost the ability and the resolve to leave.”
2. “Harry scrunched his nose in distaste. "How can you watch that rubbish?"
"It's actually really good, Potter."
"Whatever." Harry studied Hermione. She looked so peaceful that it hurt him to think of what was ahead for her, for all of them, really. "She's beautiful."
Draco looked at her as well, and without thinking about what he was doing, said, "Yeah, she is.”
3. “Hermione scowled and continued to hit him, but stopped yelling. Draco carried her into the house, up the stairs, and into her room. He set her down on the bed. She tried to get up; he grabbed her wrists and held her down.
She struggled, but when she looked into Draco's eyes, she saw they were wet. She lay still, holding his gaze.
"Don't make me Immobilize you."
She nodded. He released her wrists and took one of her hands in his. "I promise to come back, if you promise to stay," he said softly.”
4. “He kissed her with everything he had, all the fear, longing, pain, and joy he felt. He kissed her because he was scared to die, and he too wanted to see where this would go. He kissed her because of the secrets he kept from her, willing her to trust him, to believe him, to know that he would tell her. He told her he loved her, he would do anything for her, would die for her, would even try to live for her.”
We Learned the Sea
floorcoaster
—
1. “You are mine, Hermione, I don’t want anyone mistaking you for single again or even thinking of trying to coax you away from me.” He laid his hand on her cheek, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip. “Granger…Hermione…I love you.”
2. “The look of shock on her face matched his own. He hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t even realized that he had those feelings for her, that he would recognize them as such. He was in unfamiliar waters and suddenly scared to death. He meant them, he loved her, and it terrified him because he had never loved anyone before.”
Something In the Way She Moves
Snapes_Godess
—
“Draco leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together and nuzzled her nose.
“Take it. Take my heart, and take the remainder of my soul as well. You can even filet my heart and crush my soul if you wish. It doesn’t matter, since in actuality, they’ve probably been already yours to break for a very long time.”
5 am, waking up
mysterious_intentions
—
“The deflated bits of his countenance inflated with her admission, until he felt as though he would float through the air. Moving his hands along the curves of her sides, he pulled her flush against his chest. "I love you, Hermione."
The admission left him in a single breath, causing Hermione to arch her back so that she could look him in the eye. She searched his depths, seemingly inspecting for any sign of deception. Finding none, a smile spread across her face. "I love you, too.”
I Carry Your Heart
TheMourningMadam
—
#draco malfoy#harry potter#draco fluff#draco fanfiction#draco malfoy fanfiction#dramione#draco x hermione
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Alright, so- Inspired by my awesome friend @undertheknightwing who created this AMAZING list of Dad!Dick Grayson headcanons (go check it out!!!) I decided to write down the mess I have in my own head into this giant ball of fluff, humor and angst.
So let me present you:
The Graysonfam List of Headcanons and Analysis
It's a looong ass list of my headcanons, mixed with an analysis of some scenes, looking into the motives and behavior of the characters. It's in more or less chronological order and divides into groups: season 1 (+2x01), the time jump, season 2, season 3 hopes/predictions and future. If you want me to turn any of these into fics or you feel like you could do something with it, just let me know. And now... ENJOY!
SEASON 1:
The first time Dick thinks of Gar and Rachel as his kids happens during the events of 1x08 and 1x10. It's pure instinct and it doesn't come to him until much later when he realizes that not only he thought of them this way but he actually meant it.
When he and Donna start translating Kory's notes and it becomes clear that Rachel might still be in trouble, he's immediately on his feet, asking Donna for the keys to her car and ordering her to take the books with her, so they could continue on the way. He's acting fast, ignoring Donna's questions because there's no time for explanation, my daughter is in danger. He almost says it out loud - almost.
When Donna tells him the danger clearly comes from Kory, he wants to deny it. Kory adores these kids just as much as he does, she would never hurt them. But he puts his feet on the gas anyway, breaking every speed limit possible, because if one hair falls from Gar's and Rachel's heads, he will burn the world to find the person responsible, even if it's Kory (especially if it's Kory)
When they get there the first thing he sees is Gar being thrown in the air, and his mind short circuits to only one thing: Gar, my boy, my son. Is he okay? Thankfully Donna takes care of the rest so he's free to take care of the boy. He pulls him up, holding him tight by the shoulders and makes sure he's okay, but the words 'my son' are still circling his mind.
Speaking of Donna - when Dick starts telling her about Rachel the first time, she wants to cry from happiness. Over these past five years all she saw in Dick's eyes was pain and suffering. A storm of bottled up emotions, raging monsters of anger ready to get out. His body looked weighed down, as if he was Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. And now he's talking about this little girl who threw a brick at a cop car in Detroit and his eyes start to shine as if they were stars in the night sky. His smile grows when he brags about how smart and witty she is, how she's more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, how similar the two of them are. He talks about her bravery and her big heart and he sounds so damn proud Donna's heart is about to burst out of her chest. "I thought I couldn't do it." he tells her. "I fucked up so many times. But she had awakened something in me. I just can't describe it." She can but she doesn't say it - he needs to get to it on his own. (Over a year later, when the girl who turned her brother's world upside down tries to guide her back to the light through the darkness of afterlife, Donna finally says "I always knew he'd be a great father someday. You have no idea how much he loves you." "He told you that?" Rachel asks quietly, trying to hold back her tears. Donna looks at her and smiles. "He didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes.")
Then Dick gets to the part about finding Rachel's mother and suddenly something changes. He's trying to seem like he's happy for her, he says he's glad everything ended well and now Rachel can start a new life but Donna sees right through his facade. He thinks he can't be a part of this new life and it's killing him.
Which brings me to something very important I've noticed a long time ago - Angela's presence makes Dick hold himself back. That's why he decided to leave - Rachel had her mother back, a guardian who could take care of her from now on so he wasn't needed anymore. His job was done. But at this point he's already too attached to just leave like that and when he learns that danger isn't over he comes back immediately. But when he gets there he's met with a wall. Angela is very territorial (we all know why but Dick didn't know that) and Rachel is too overwhelmed by everything but let's be real - if Angela wasn't there Dick would be hovering over Rachel like crazy. But he doesn't. Why? Because he thinks it's not his place to do so. It's easier to go after Kory than to just be standing there awkwardly, wanting to help and comfort but not being able to.
He remembers everything Trigon put him through - every fucking detail. There is some stuff from the vision he wants to laugh at - Him and Dawn? Married? Maybe once upon a time he entertained that thought but he abandoned it long ago. There are things he's actually grateful for - seeing Gar and Rachel as they could be in the future, grown up, in college, happy. That's the one thing he doesn't want to forget. And Johnny - he doesn't want to forget Johnny either.
His mind was sort of awake, in two places at once, even though he didn't have any control over his body. He remembers chasing the kids around the house, Gar screaming "Real life horror movie!" as he and Rachel tried to run away from him. He remembers Rachel pleading with him when the others were beating the poor boy. He wanted to respond, wanted to let her know he can hear her but he couldn't do anything. He watched helplessly as his own hand pulled Gar up and finished what others started. He screamed and shouted but it was in vain. And then he cried and howled like a wolf watching as Trigon ripped Rachel's heart from her chest and crushed it in his hand, then placed the red gemstone in her forehead. He remembers her dark eyes and evil smirk. He remembers thinking it was over, feeling heartbroken and defeated. He gave up, let the darkness swallow him whole. He didn't want to see more, it was easier locking himself up in this vision because he knew Bruce laying dead in rubble wasn't real. And then she came to him. Back straight and head held high, piercing blue eyes locked on him. He remembers his tone when he spoke to her, taunting and dangerous but it didn't scare her. "We're supposed to save each other" she told him and he wanted to cry but Trigon had him wrap his fingers around her throat and choke her - another thing he would never do. He would never lay a damn finger on her and Trigon was well aware of that. But Rachel knew that too. And she wasn't scared.
He remembers the circus she brought him into. Empty stage, broken chairs scattered everywhere. He never wanted to come back here. And even though his body stood there motionless he was trashing inside, wanting to get out of here but more importantly wanting to get her out of here. Seeing Rachel on that platform, ready to jump, it was too much. He couldn't lose her, like he lost his parents. He didn't catch them but he sure as hell was going to catch her. So when she fell - he snapped. Got the control back, his muscles acted on memory and he jumped. He flew like he used to and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her tight. He caught her. He would always catch her.
When they wake up all he wants to do is hold her. Relief almost sends him to his knees. But then Gar walks in, all bloody and bruised and all that relief turns into freezing agony and guilt. I did this, he thinks. It's my fault. But there is no time for apologies or explanation, Trigon is still there. Letting Rachel go deal with him on her own is hard but Dick knows she could do it - and she did. Seeing her walking out of that fog is one of the most beautiful views he saw in his life. And when he finally takes her into his arms he doesn't let go until Kory basically rips her out of his embrace.
He wants Kory to go with them. Kids need her. His idea of giving Gar and Rachel a new life included her. Included both of them, taking care of the kids together. Things between them are tangled and complicated but one thing that is neither of those things is their attachment to these two. But Kory just got her memories back, she has her own issues to deal with, she needs time and space - and he respects that, so do Gar and Rachel. But Dick would be lying if he said he didn't notice their disappointment.
The first day of their roadtrip across the country is quiet - mostly because they are all so goddamn tired. Dick pulls up to a motel before dark, deciding that the more sleep they get the better. They pick two rooms next to each other, Jason and Gar in one, he and Rachel in the other. Rachel immediately vanishes in the bathroom, so Dick has time to sit down and think (as if he wasn't doing it the entire day while driving). An idea is shaping in his head, memories of a beloved city in sunny California come to the surface of his mind and he knows this is where he wants to take the kids. But he has to make a stop at Gotham first, he needs to talk to Bruce and most importantly return Jason home. Rachel walks out of the bathroom in fresh clothes Donna left for her and crawls into bed without a word. He takes his time to tuck her in, then sits down on the edge of her bed. She's beyond exhausted, but she's safe, she's with him, everything will be alright. He will never let anyone take her away from him again. And when he's watching her fall asleep, holding her hand in his, three words come to his mind, words he's not ready to say aloud yet but he knows them to be true. I love you.
THE TIME JUMP:
Physical affection is something I think the show is pretty good at showing but I still crave to see more. It's clear that Dick struggles to be affectionate, whether that be through words or touch. And he doesn't even realize he's actually very good at it. Why? Because whenever he does it, he's acting on instinct. The biggest proof? All his hugs with Rachel in s1. Boy had no idea what to do, it was written on his face, but his arms went up nonetheless. He didn't freeze, he didn't push her away, but reacted accordingly. The hugs in 1x02 and 1x04 are the only ones he initiated on his own, but he still wasn't sure if he's doing it right. As the show went on he slowly eased into it, but was still taken by surprise when it happened (1x08, the first hug in 2x01). By the end of 2x01 he seems to be pretty comfortable with it but I think it's during the time jump when he really starts to understand the importance and power of physical affection and how these kids really need it. The pat he gave Gar on the shoulder in 2x03 or their hug in 2x09 felt really natural, same as the goodbye hug with Rachel in 2x13. All three of them got comfortable with each other during those first three months in SF. Which leads me to…
Cuddle sessions. Yes, this is definitely a thing at Titans Tower (*cough*Grayson*cough*household*cough). It starts that first night when Dick, Rachel, Gar and Jason gather on the couch to watch a movie. Rachel lays down and rests her head on Dick's thigh while Gar settles comfortably on his other side. Dick has no idea when it happened but he freezes for a moment when he realizes his hand is on Rachel's head, fingers carding through her hair. The girl seems to be asleep already but stirs when he stops and asks him to continue, so he does. Soon after that Gar's head lands on his shoulder as the boy starts nodding off. The sudden contact wakes him up and he pulls away awkwardly, apologizing but Dick tells him it's okay so Gar leans back against him. The feeling of having the two of them so close brings a sense of calm to Dick and soon he falls asleep as well. He wakes up in the morning with the two teenagers basically laying on top of him and Jason standing over them with a smirk and a phone in his hand.
After that it sort of becomes a thing and not just during movies. Whenever Dick sits down on the couch, whether to work or to simply relax, Gar or Rachel (or both) would find him and snuggle to him, at first hesitantly, but with more confidence as the time passes and they get comfortable with it. After three months of living together all Dick has to do is pat the spot next to him for them to jump on the couch and cuddle up, tho Rachel is the one who does it most often and with no hesitation.
Dick very quickly starts understanding how important it is for them so he starts returning the favor. A good job pat on the shoulder during training, a kiss dropped on the top of the head during breakfast, a comforting shoulder rub when they aren't feeling well, emotionally or physically. Gar loves when Dick ruffles his hair, he even leans into it sometimes, while Rachel's favorite things are forehead kisses and tucking her hair behind her ear (but neither of them would ever say that out loud)
Words are as important as gestures, which brings us to affectionate pet names. It feels normal and almost ordinary when it comes from a woman - Rachel has been called 'honey' by Melisa and 'sweetheart' by Dawn but she wasn't phased by it. But when Dick calls her 'honey' for the first time, she nearly drops her coffee mug. It comes out so naturally and he doesn't even realize he said it, but it takes her breath away and she needs a moment to collect herself. With Gar it's usually 'Bud', 'Buddy', or 'Tiger Boy' spoken affectionately and he's always beaming with happiness when he hears Dick saying that.
One night, shortly after Trigon, Rachel slips into his bedroom in the middle of the night, saying she can't sleep. The memories are too vivid, too real. Her lips are trembling and she looks like she's about to fall apart and that's all it takes for Dick to sit up, open his arms for her and with full awareness and conviction say "come here, baby girl". She falls asleep snuggled to his bare chest and Dick feels his throat getting dangerously tight. He'd seen many times, mostly on TV, images of parents holding their babies to their bare skin - something about creating a bond through skin-to-skin contact. He was never able to wrap his head around this concept, but now, as he feels Rachel's cheek pressed to his heart, her hand closed in his resting on his stomach, the understanding hits him like a speeding train, pushing a tear or two out of his eyes. It's something indescribable, feels profound and almost sacred. The love he feels in this moment is overwhelming.
Gar has nightmares too, he usually wakes up screaming. It scares Dick at first, how he reacts, because the boy pulls away, wide eyed and shaking, and doesn't want to be touched. Guilt overwhelms Dick because he's sure it's because of him, because of what he did to Gar while being under Trigon's control. He tries to apologize and Gar accepts it but explains to him that his nightmares are not Dick's fault and they are not even about that (Dick can feel the boy is lying for both of their sakes but lets him anyway). It takes a few tries and lots of pleading and building trust but one night Gar finally falls into Dick's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls the boy close, runs his fingers through his hair just like Gar likes it and whispers "it's okay, my little boy." over and over again until Gar's body goes limp in his hold and he can put him back to sleep. Neither of them mentions it in the morning, but Gar gives him a look full of gratitude, filling his heart with warmth.
One evening during their first week in SF they organise a 'bonding night' - Gar's idea. There's take out and board games and staying up all night, talking. At some point one of them suggests sharing any hidden talents (besides superpowers of course) and details no one knows about them. Jason admits to being a theatre nerd ("it's thespian you idiots!") and proves it by flawlessly rapping verses from Hamilton. Gar thanks to travelling with his parents can fluently speak few African languages, he also shares that during his time at the Doom Manor Rita taught him the basics of playing piano. When it's Dick's turn he gets up from the couch and vanishes for a few minutes, but eventually comes back with a guitar, saying he had learned to play during his circus days, but hadn't done it in a while so he might be a little rusty. He plays a few cords, trying to spark his memory and when the notes finally come to him, a beautiful melody fills the room (I always imagine it's Viva la Vida by Coldplay). And suddenly this melody is joined by an angelic voice - Rachel closes her eyes and starts singing quietly, recognizing the song. She only opens her eyes when she's finished and finds the three of them looking at her in absolute awe, Dick's eyes seem to be a bit watery. She gets a bit embarrassed and says it's nothing but they start cheering and clapping anyway. Gar asks her where did she learn to sing like that and she admits she used to sing in a church choir when she was little, but had to quit after her powers started showing. The night ends with a little jam session and lots of laughing.
Gar and Rachel grew up on golden era of Disney Channel shows (Jason knows them too but he'd rather be tortured than ever admit that) and once the news is out Dick is forced to sit through the entire run of Wizards of Waverly Place. But watching Rachel flawlessly impersonate the main character Alex, knowing every line word for word makes him grin like a madman and laugh so hard his stomach hurts and tears roll down his cheeks. He pulls her to him and she falls on him in a fit of uncontrollable giggles while Gar and Jason give her a standing ovation.
SEASON 2:
While hanging out together is important, Dick also makes sure he gets to spend some time with each of them separately. With Jason it's mostly through training - the boy isn't very keen on spending one-on-one quality time outside of the gym, but prides himself to be Dick's right hand man during lessons, having more experience over the other two. With Gar it's video games most of the time - Dick learned to play specifically for him and actually started paying attention to gaming lore. But it's not just that - Gar has a talent to anything tied to technology so they spend a lot of time together in the tech room where the boy learns to operate the Tower system. It brings both of them a lot of joy. Rachel, as the only girl in their little family, often needs some time away from the boys, so Dick takes her on walks in the mornings or a drive around the city, shows her his favorite coffee shop which soon becomes their favorite spot. They talk about everything and nothing, because conversations were the thing that brought them so close in the first place, and it just feels good.
Rachel also loves spending time with him in the tech room - but not like Gar, she's not learning to run it (although she picked up a thing or two) but she's simply there to keep Dick company while he works (can he even call that work if he hasn't been officially working as a detective for quite a while now? Not to mention his resignation has been sent to Detroit the day they arrived in SF). She brings him coffee or snacks, stands behind his chair with her arms around his neck, observing whatever he's doing (and asking lots of questions) or simply sits in the other swiveling chair, drawing in her sketchbook or turning around so many times Dick starts to worry she's gonna get dizzy. He asks her one time if she's not bored sitting here with him but she just shrugs and says she'd rather be here than anywhere else and his heart grows tenfold as he smiles at her
So remember how Rachel lost control and attacked Jason in 2x03? And how Jason shouted "Stay away from me you fucking freak!" right in her face? And how Dick walks in like 3 seconds later asking if everything's okay and the tension is HIGH??? Well, he might have not seen what happened, but he definitely HEARD the full thing, he was within the hearing range. The fact that he didn't attack Jason immediately is really impressive, if this was s1!Dick - Jason would be on the floor right now, probably with a swollen eye and few broken bones. But here Dick is trying to play it smart and investigate. If it wasn't for dr Light he would probably get to the bottom of this and had a conversation with both Jason and Rachel. I'm thinking of writing a one-shot AU where he actually does it (mostly thanks to Gar who is a terrible liar when caught of guard)
When the last cab drives away and the Tower becomes empty, save for him, Gar and that boy in the infirmary, Dick does not leave to meet with Adeline immediately - he goes to Rachel's room and starts scrubbing it clean from all the crosses painted all over the place. His eyes are burning, the bile in his throat is the size of a tennis ball but he doesn't allow himself to cry. At some point Gar joins him and wordlessly starts helping him. It takes them a little over an hour and when it's done they both drop down on her bed, sitting shoulder to shoulder. "She'll be back." Gar tells him. "I'm not so sure." Dick replies, not looking at the boy. Gar puts a hand on his shoulder. "She will. You just wanted to protect us. Deep down she knows that, she's just angry." Dick knows Gar's reasoning is valid, but looking at his own reflection in the broken mirror he can't help but think that in the long run Rachel will be better off without him. They will all be better off without him.
It's not until his first night in prison that Dick starts to regret his decision to cast himself away. He wakes up in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, his mind still reeling from dreams of Gar and Rachel seven years in the future. They were adults, happy and independent - that's good, right? That's what he always wanted for them. But his tears start to fall when it comes to him, hitting him like a wrecking ball, that spending 7 years behind bars means he won't be able to see them grow up. Something like a panic attack comes next and he is barely able to pull himself out of it. He's suddenly overwhelmed by questions. My kids… will they be okay? Is Kory back at the Tower or is Gar still alone? What is he gonna do when that strange boy wakes up? Was there any food in the fridge when I left? I left Gar some money, but still… God, and Rachel! She has never been on a plane before, what if she gets scared and her powers start acting out? What if she gets night terrors again? Will Donna know what to do? His head is spinning, these thoughts are suffocating him. Only a breathing exercise Bruce had taught him years ago is able to help, but it takes longer than usual. Dick doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.
He's not sure how but when Dick sees a bird in a window of his cell, he knows it's no ordinary bird. It's a raven. It's her. He gets up on his feet despite his knees being weak and wobbly and he smiles, grins like an idiot as he calls out to her. Because it has to be her, right? But all hope leaves him when the creature flies up again with a croak and disappears from his sight, leaving him alone. Dick drops to his knees, feeling more exhausted than ever and curls on the floor, his body shaking from shivers. No one is coming. He brought it on himself. He is forgotten already. But then he hears quiet tapping and something nudges his hand. He opens one eye only to look right into a ruby red one. The bird is here, inside, right in front of his face. It flaps its wings and its feathers turns into dark smoke for a moment. "Rachel…" He breathes out, holding to his last shreds of consciousness. The raven lowers its head, snuggling it to his forehead and before Dick passes out again he hears three words said by this quiet, angelic voice he loves so much: Don't give up.
When they bring Donna back to the Tower and lay her down in the infirmary Dick feels empty and overflowed at the same time. He goes to strip off his new suit and change into something more comfortable but it's a struggle when his hands are shaking so much. He goes back to infirmary and passes by Dawn in the doorway, who walks out of the room with Donna's Wonder Girl belt in hand, not even lifting her eyes up at him. He closes the door and sits down, taking Donna's hand in his but he is able to sit there for only ten minutes before the feeling of her hand growing cold in his makes him want to run away. He makes his way back to his room but takes a step back when he notices two colorful heads in the training room. Gar and Rachel are sitting on one of the benches with their backs to him, talking quietly. Gar is hunched over and Rachel has her arm around him and her head on his shoulder. The sight makes Dick's throat tight. He walks up to them quietly and they only notice him when he's standing in front of them. They simultaneously lift their heads up, showing him their red, swollen from crying eyes and his heart can't take it anymore. He falls to his knees in front of them. "I'm here." he whispers as he takes their hands in his. "I'm right here." he whispers again and his voice breaks. Suddenly two sets of arms are wrapped around him when both Gar and Rachel throw themselves at him, sobbing into his shoulders. He holds them tight, kisses their heads and lets his own tears fall into their hair as he keeps promising them he is not leaving them ever again.
SEASON 3 HOPES/PREDICTIONS:
First few weeks without Donna and Rachel are absolute torture. Grief is normal, he's been through it before, it's nothing new (maybe more painful and guilt-ridden than he ever experienced). But not having Rachel around and how it impacts him on day-to-day basis after spending every day with her for the past few months is something totally new and unexpected and Dick is pretty sure he's never felt like this before. He's overprotective to the point of being overbearing and Gar points that out to him numerous times. He keeps making her breakfast, forgetting she's not gonna show up in the kitchen when the clock strikes 9 am. He keeps looking into her room like he's expecting to find her there. He constantly checks his phone as if she were able to call from Themyscira, where there's no signal, let alone phones. "Is it what sending your kid out to college feels like?" Hank asks him one evening and Dick almost chokes on his beer. Gar laughs so hard he falls off his chair.
Rachel does everything she can to not cry in front of Dick when they say goodbye to each other but the moment the plane is in the air, she breaks. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make and seeing Dick so broken definitely didn't help. But she has to at least try to bring Donna back, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself otherwise. So she gets herself together and keeps telling herself to be brave. For Dick. For Donna. For her family.
Gar becomes the center of family's attention and he can't say he doesn't love it. That spot always belonged to Rachel after all, but he was never jealous, nor he resented her for that. She totally deserved it and she can take the spot back when she returns (but he's never gonna let her get away with not saying goodbye to him). He's the 'A-Student' now during training, Dick is putting some extra work to make sure he learns as much as he can. Kory helps him a lot with the trauma CADMUS gave him and works with him on the development of his powers. He tries turning into other animals and after a month of struggling he finally turns into a mouse. Kory walks with him sitting on his shoulder around the whole Tower like the proudest mama in the galaxy and Dick's beaming with pride for the entire week.
After Dick's off-hand comment that Rachel is missing on so much Gar starts to record vlogs on his phone about what's happening at the Titans Tower so Rachel can watch it and catch up when she's back. The material he gets is pure gold and even when others beg him to delete it, he refuses saying this is too good to be destroyed.
The day before Rachel's first attempt at resurrection she uses a freshly learned trick to come to Dick in his dream. They meet on the beach she's currently on, meditating. Seeing him for the first time in three months makes her want to cry but she promised herself to be strong so he wouldn't worry and she holds her tears at bay. She falls into his arms with the brightest smile and burrows her face in his chest. He's holding her tight, asking if everything is okay and she nods, not quite trusting her voice at the moment. "I can't keep you here for long, but I needed to see you." she tells him. She's not sharing any details about her plan, the less he knows the better, but he begs her to be careful and stop if it turns out to be too much for her. Dick pulls her to him one last time before she has to serve the connection and presses his lips to her forehead. "I love you." he whispers and she closes her eyes, hugging him tighter. "Come home soon." "I love you, too. And I will."
To find Donna's soul Rachel needs to go to The Underworld, which is a dark, scary place (well, for the most part). The search is difficult and the journey ahead of her is long. On her way she meets other people, souls who sometimes want to help her, sometimes otherwise. She sees Adamson and all the people who were after her, drowning in a river of fire, calling for help. One hand grabs her by the ankle and Rachel looks down right into the hollow eyes of her birth mother. She struggles to set herself free from Angela's hold but eventually the creepy hand lets go of her and Rachel runs away. Not all the meetings are painful though. She gets to see Melisa again - she tells her about Dick and Gar and Kory and everything that happened. "I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." she says and they both start to cry. Melisa tells her how proud she is and lets her continue her journey. But the most surprising meeting happens right before the end. Rachel knows their faces only from her dream and the blurry videos she found online. But the resemblance to Dick is undeniable - he has his mother's eyes, his father's hair. Mary Grayson takes her into her arms with tears in her eyes, saying how happy she is to finally meet her. They chat for a while, laugh and cry together like they've known each other their whole lives. "He's so lucky to have you." John tells her. "Tell him we're proud of him." Mary asks her when she is about to leave. "And come back to him in one piece." Rachel nods, holding back tears. "I will, I promise."
When Rachel arrives at Wayne Manor it's already dark outside. A black car pulls in the driveway. Dick, Kory and Gar are waiting by the main entrance and when the car stops they approach it and Dick opens the door. Rachel is sleeping in the backseat with her head falling on her shoulder and the view is so beautiful and adorable that Dick stops for a moment to just look at her with a dreamy smile on his face. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in whispering "welcome back, sweetheart". She smiles without opening her eyes and instantly lifts her arms to wrap them around his neck. They both laugh as he pulls her out the car. She steps away from him for a moment to hug Gar and Kory but sticks herself back to his side immediately after. Gar takes her bag and the car drives away while the 4 of them head towards the door.
She failed (or at least she thinks she failed) and that first night back she cries her eyes out into Dick's chest, apologizing over and over again. "It's okay, honey." he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Remember what I told you back at the airport? No matter how strong we are, we-" "We can't always change the world." she finishes for him and smiles through her tears. "I know. I've had those words in the back of my head every day." They lay in silence for the next few minutes, Dick's hand slowly stroking Rachel's hair. She hesitates a bit but then starts telling him about meeting his parents. He smiles at her through tears. "I'm so proud of you." he whispers. "You've grown so much. You're so strong. Going away was a good decision, it gave you skills and experience you wouldn't have gotten here. But now I'm just glad I have you back. I was worried sick." Rachel smiles into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere again."
As happy as Dick is to have her back, some part of him wishes Rachel stayed longer on Themyscira. Everything that's happening in Gotham is making him consider sending her and Gar away to some place safe and hidden, The Justice League has a lot of those. But his kids are Titans - they both remind him of that. "You didn't train us to hide." she tells him. "We can handle this." Gar adds. And Dick believes them. And he's so proud his heart can barely take it.
Donna's return comes as a shock to everyone - Hank brings her to the Wayne Manor one day, saying they bumped into each other at some restaurant in the city. "How-" Rachel asks with eyes opened wide in disbelief. Donna smiles at her. "I don't know. I got lost, but… I found my way back somehow." Dick slowly walks up to her, his eyes welling up with tears. "But the spell-" "It worked." Donna explains. "It just needed more time." After that he sweeps her into his arms and extends his hand to Rachel to pull her in as well. He holds them both as close as he can, kissing their heads and swears to himself to never lose either of them again.
FUTURE:
Thoughts about adoption appear in Dick's mind more or less when he brings Gar and Rachel to San Francisco, but they are more of an abstract dream than something that could be real. But as the time goes on those thoughts become more and more solidified and are too big to be ignored. He finally decides to talk to someone about it and that someone is Dawn, mostly because they've had this kind of conversation before. "It's a big responsibility - taking her in. But taking care of a kid is complicated, you know that better than anyone." These words stay with him every day, that's why he goes to her. He struggles to say what he wants to say but she understands and hugs him with tears in her eyes saying she knew he'd do it sooner or later and that she couldn't be happier for him. She helps him with paperwork and prepares him for meetings. He breaks the news to the kids the moment everything is ready. They're suspicious of the 'gifts' he hands them since it's neither's birthday today and there's no holiday. They share a curious glance as they rip off the shiny gift paper to reveal two folders of documents (while Dick almost dies from anticipation and nerves). Gar is the first one to react - his lips slowly stretch into the biggest grin imaginable. "For real? Are you serious? This is real stuff?" his voice grows louder and more excited with each following question and Dick can't help but laugh. Rachel stays quiet though. She stares at the papers in her hands with her brows furrowed. Seconds pass and she's not moving. It's like she's not even breathing. "Rachel?" Kory asks quietly, taking a step her way. And then the floodgates open. Rachel's face twists into a grimace as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle it but there's no use. Dick walks up to her, terrified he did something wrong but then she throws herself into his arms, repeating "thank you" and "I love you" over and over again. Dick pulls Gar to him as well and hugs them both. "You're my kids." He whispers to them. "I love you more than anything in the world. And nothing will ever change that." By the time of Rachel's 16th birthday she and Gar are officially Graysons.
Dick and Kory get married the following year. It's a glamorous but small ceremony with reception held at the Wayne Manor. For the months leading to the big day the kids (with the help of the entire team and few other people) prepare something very special - and the idea comes from Uncle Clay. Turns out Clay, as the closest friend of Dick's parents, owns a small storage unit where he keeps some of the stuff from the circus, including personal things - like a box of journals of Mary Grayson, who had been writing them since she was a child. Clay tells Gar and Rachel a story about how Mary used to write poetry which then she turned into songs and sometimes performed them at the circus. He even still has some of her stage outfits. The three of them get the idea that Gar and Rachel should look through tapes with her performances and pick one song to sing together at the wedding - and that's what they do. They find a beautiful ballad where Clay accompanied Mary on the piano (he teaches Gar how to play it) and in secret the team prepares the whole show. The performance happens during the Bride and Groom's first dance. Gar enters the stage in a tuxedo, says a few words and starts playing. Dick and Kory start dancing slowly but stop for a moment when he starts singing the first verse. They have no idea what's coming next. Rachel, in Mary's dress stands in the crowd surrounding the couple. Hank comes to stand behind her and secretly puts a microphone in her hand. She comes in for the second verse of the song and that's when Dick and Kory stop dancing completely, too surprised to move. They watch in absolute awe as Rachel joins her brother on stage and they finish the song together. When Dick realizes he actually remembers this song from his childhood and that the dress Rachel is wearing belonged to his mother he breaks down in tears. After the song is over the kids join their parents on the dancefloor for a bone-crushing group hug (and to help you imagine this even better this is the song I imagine them singing)
The day Rachel and Gar get their college acceptance letters is one of the most stressful days in their lives. They're in the Tower's kitchen, both holding the envelopes in their hands, afraid to open them. "What are you guys waiting for? Open it!" Kory encourages them. They agree to do it on three. Dick holds his breath, gripping tight his wife's hand. The kids read the letters, fully focused. There's a stretching moment of silence, and then… "I got in!" "Me too!" A lot of screaming and laughing and jumping around happens afterwards, but even in the chaos of all of that Dick can feel a burning knot tightening in his stomach.
And I thought sending Rachel to Themyscira was hard, Dick thinks when they drop Gar and Rachel off at college on their first day. Thankfully it's the same college, but it's in Chicago and it's still half a country away from home. He's not sure how many times he checked already if they have everything they need, if they haven't forgotten to pack something, if they are absolutely sure they know their schedule and so on. Kory, standing next to him with her hands on her growing belly, laughs at him fussing over them. Gar and Rachel just smile and nod, seeing how stressed he is. Yes, Dad, we're sure we have everything. Yes, we checked. Of course we'll call. Yes, Dad. Okay, Dad - and so on. At some point they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but suddenly Dick is getting choked up. His two little birds are leaving the nest and he should be handling it better than he does. Seeing him clearlyon the edge of falling apart Gar and Rachel give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." he says. "I'm just trying to let you go a little. Let you grow up." "It's that hard?" Rachel asks him and he looks at her - tall, beautiful, confident, brave and smart. Perfect. But he also still sees that little kid he met in Detroit. "It can't be that hard." Gar adds and for a moment when Dick looks at him he thinks he's seeing double - the young, handsome and courageous man who is standing in front of him now and that overexcited cheerful kid who joined them on their little road trip. "It's impossible." Dick tells them, pulling them back into another hug. "It's fucking impossible." Soon they have to go or they will be late for their classes and Dick and Kory are left alone on the campus. "They'll be okay." his wife tells him. He has to swallow down a bile in his throat and push back some tears before answering. "I know."
Oh and remember Dick's old silver Porsche? The one he traded for a minivan? Yeah, he got it back (don't ask him how). Rachel owns it now. Graduation present. And don't worry about Gar, he's got his car too. Grandpa Bruce got him his dream ride.
Woah... This turned out WAAAAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far (and even if you didn't) I hope you enjoyed.
#dc titans#titans#dcu titans#titans season 3#dick grayson#rachel roth#kory anders#garfield logan#donna troy#titans netflix#titans season 1#titans season 2
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From Now On | Kevin (The Boyz)
You break down with Kevin when a loved one passes away.
Genre: angst, fluff, sad, mention of death, Kevin moon is an angel
A/N: for a very special soul. <3 I love you. Stay strong.
----
Numb. Empty. Void.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“My sympathies.”
“She was an amazing woman.”
A hand on your shoulder. You don’t bother looking up, “I can’t imagine how hard it must be.”
No, you think to yourself. You can’t. Because right now, I am walking through hell.
There is an abundance of hushed murmurs that fill the room where your mother lays in her casket, looking so ethereally beautiful and serene with her eyes closed and a tinted pink flush scattered over her cheeks. But that’s all a lie, for you know exactly without looking too closely that her chest isn’t rising and falling as its supposed to be.
“Y/N,” another hand on your shoulder, though this time you recognize the sadness etched in your older brother’s tone. Turning to see Hyunjae’s composed features, what gives him away is the puffiness of his eyes, the scarlet tint to his nose.
Almost instinctively, your hand reaches out to grasp his arm. A reminder that you are here, with him. Next to him.
“I can’t find the sandwiches,” he croaks out in the shell of your ear, quiet enough so that no one can hear, “could you help me find them? I think the guests--”
At this point you can already feel his voice choke up and trip over itself. You squeeze his arm in a gentle manner, “I got it,” you send him what hopes is a sweet smile, though it can hardly pull up your cheeks, before slipping away intot the kitchen.
It’s impossible to navigate through the swarm of bodies currently littering the corridors. You maneuver yourself to the best of your ability but soon get yourself trapped between a few older women who claim to be your mother’s old classmates, which does not help the tide of pain wrenching through your chest and practically snapping your heartstrings in two every single time the reminder echoes through your mind.
“She was such a dear! So talented! You look just like her you know,” one of the ladies say with overzealous flair and with tears dotting her eyes. It makes you feel sick, though you manage to plaster a shaky smile.
“It’s sad that I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her,” another sniffled into her tissue.
“It must be ten times worse for you, Y/N,” they throw you a bunch of watery-eyed gazes and it takes all of your self-control not to scream in their faces to leave you the fuck alone.
You take a step away, “Sorry, I’m just really busy. I’ll talk to you guys later--”
“But wait Y/N, we want to know more,” one of them cry out.
The other tugs onto your arm, “we can’t believe it happened. And she was so young too.”
Your brain is screaming at you to run away. To hide. Anything to stop the slow pain spreading through your limbs and causing you to freeze up, your heart clenching and your lungs squeezing so hard through your chest. It’s hard to breathe. Like drowning underwater. Ears blocked and through raw.
You don’t realize that you’ve stumbled back a few steps their arms pull you forward. The women keep on talking over you in hurried sopranos, their voices bouncing around in your skull and causing your head to pound.
It’s too hard. It’s too much. The memory of your mother’s face surges up through you. The way she died, unfairly, too young. Tears gather before you know it and you can’t breathe and can’t breathe can’t breathe --
“Sorry, I’ll have to steal Y/N for a bit.”
A hand clamps down on your shoulder, pulls you away. The voices fall away and you take this moment to focus yourself on the warmth of the hand gently holding on to you as its owner steers you away until you are clearly out in the terrace.
It is only then that you manage to let out a shaky exhale. Your headache clears, just a little bit.
And it is only when he speaks that your eyes slide up to the said voice in question.
Kevin gazes down at you wordlessly, maroon orbs soft in the dim afternoon light.
“Hey, you okay?”
Gratefulness rushes to your heart, just as your eyes fill with unexpected tears.
You burst into sobs.
It takes only a second for Kevin’s arms to wrap around your shoulders before he tugs you over to his chest, and as you bawl your eyes out at the unfairness of the world that you can’t even say goodbye to that one person who’s been present from the moment you were born, your hands find purchase onto his shirt if only in a pathetic attempt to stop yourself from getting overwhelmed by the amount of emotion that rips through your throat in the form of hoarse whimpers.
“Shh,” Kevin mumbles a bunch of sweet nothings in your ear and though you loathe the fake sympathy that comes with a crowd that barely knows you and much less what you are currently going through, you can’t find the energy to push your boyfriend away.
After all, you do trust him more than yourself. For once, you allow your walls to come down.
You cry and cry and cry.
You cry, until there seems to be nothing left of your tears, until your tear ducts have dried out and until your entire body seems to be shaking with barely restrained tiredness.
And through it all, Kevin holds on to you. He holds on like he’s never planning to let go, and your hands clench a little tighter, you hold him a little closer.
A while later, after almost all guests have vacated your house and after you’ve managed to nod at Hyunjae when asked whether you’re doing okay, you manage to retreat to your room with Kevin in tow, his hand holding onto yours and providing you with a warmth that brings you comfort.
He sits beside you on your bed as you both watch the sun set in the distance, pinkish hues dominating the sky and painting it in various shades of golden orange and red.
It’s beautiful and yet saddening at the same time to see the first day go by without your mother’s gentle voice floating from the kitchen. The emptiness lingers in the air, a void that mimics the hole in your heart.
I miss you.
More tears slowly well up at the corner of your eyes and you quickly wipe them away adamantly. You’ve cried enough these past few hours. Enough is enough.
I’m sorry I never told you how much I loved you.
Kevin’s thumb rubs comforting circles over the back of your knuckles. In the silence, you allow yourself to bask in his presence.
That is really all you need for now. Nothing more. Nothing else.
Just time. Time to heal. Time to suffer. Time to just exist until the pain ebbs away.
I’m sorry I took you for granted.
“Y/N,” Kevin’s soft murmur reaches your ears, “you want to talk about it?”
You shake your head before biting your lip so hard you taste blood.
“Okay,” he mumbles. That’s when he beckons you into his arms, an embrace that you gladly accept as you crawl into his lap and curl up -- head pressed against the crook of his neck and hands held close to your chest -- as his head comes to a rest atop yours, but not before pressing a gentle peck to your forehead.
“You know,” his words are muffled against your temple, lips moving against your skin with lingering warmth, “you don’t have to hold it in with me right? I don’t--I care about you. I don’t want you thinking that I can’t handle it. Because that’s what I’m here for.”
God. This man. A sob almost crawls out of your throat. So you nod, grip his shirt a little tighter. His scent washes over you, a mixture of pine and a dash of coffee mixed in with a boyish smell that comes from his deodorant.
It makes you feel at home. At ease. At least with Kevin, there’s no playing pretend.
You’re unsure whether you fell asleep in his embrace, but before you know it your eyes are drowsily fluttering open to meet Kevin’s back. You go to call out his name, only for the smell of fried food hitting your nostrils and turning your head to catch sight of the plate of untouched food by your nightstand, your heart can’t help but melt a little at his thoughtfulness.
Noticing your movement, the said young man turns before smiling down at you softly, “hey,” he murmurs gently, practically throwing his phone on the other side of the bed and crawling over to where you lie, “you hungry? I brought food. Or rather, Hyunjae did.”
You know you should eat. God knows when was the last time you’d eaten. But the thought causes your stomach to churn slightly and you shake your head.
“But Hyunjae brought your favourite: meat buns,” Kevin pouts ever so slightly, and pairing that with the slight rumble of your stomach makes you cave in.
So you nod and he grins back at you, quickly scrambling to your bedside so that he can feed you before you can even protest. You find you don’t have the energy to, only watching him peel off the wrapper and break it into small, bite-sized pieces.
“Ah,” he holds one out to you and you accept it begrudgingly. You’ve never been too fond of being taken care of. But at this precise moment, you can’t find it in yourself to argue, especially since Kevin has been nothing but your pillar of support throughout the last few hours. How you would’ve managed without him, you don’t even know yourself.
As he feeds you the rest of the bun, he talks aimlessly about the food vlog on youtube that he’s just binge-watched and how he wishes to visit New York someday to be able to try out all these fancy street foods that keep haunting his dreams. Somewhere along the line, you realize that it’s a little easier to swallow, a little easier to smile up at your doting boyfriend talking animatedly while swinging his arms around. He always does that whenever he gets overexcited.
Right now, he’s moved on to talking about safe driving on roads implemented by AI technology, “seriously though, it’s kind of scary how technology can do everything these days. At this point we’re not going to have a zombie apocalypse but rather a robot apocalypse. Can you imagine?”
“Then they’d be easier to kill, wouldn’t they?” you mumble out, and while it is soft and barely coherent, Kevin’s ears perk up at your participation. That’s probably the first word that falls from your mouth ever since you woke up.
“I guess so, unless they’re already programmed with a hundred of ninja combat moves or something,” he shrugs, moves a little closer to wipe off a few bits of flour stuck to the corner of your lips, “maybe they can even google search it and analyze movements within seconds,” he shudders at the thought, “ooh, scary.”
“Kevin?”
“Hm?” his eyes peer into yours, coffee-coloured orbs swirling with naked affection, hand pushing away a stray strand from your face.
When you speak next, you feel a sob catching in the back of your throat, “thank you,” you swallow hard, “for everything.”
It happens all too fast. The way Kevin’s arms reach out to swallow you up once more in a bone-crushing hug that leaves you breathless, his lips permanently pressed to your forehead before he nuzzles his nose into your cheek.
“You don’t have to say thank you,” he murmurs in-between the smallest of pecks he litters across your cheekbone, “that’s what I’m here for.”
The familiar sting of tears cause your eyes to grow glossy, but this time it’s almost as if your own heart feels a little lighter, a little less burdened. Sleeping had done you some good, and eating had appeased the swelling ache in your stomach.
But Kevin. Kevin had definitely patched up a band-aid over your heart.
"I know it’s going to be hard, these few months to come,” Kevin continues in a gentle murmur, “but from now on, if you feel like you cant handle it, you have me.”
Your murmur out a soft agreement, but that doesn’t seem to cut it, for Kevin’s fingers clasp your jaw to tilt it upwards. Your eyes slide to his, intense and persistent.
“Y/N, I got you. Okay?”
“Yeah,” you mumble.
He keeps on watching you for a few more silent seconds. Satisfied then, he pulls you back against him, tucking your face into the crook of his neck once more and placing a chaste kiss right upon your left eyelid, then right eyelid. Then down to peck your lips as your breath stutters out shakily.
“I’ll be there.”
It’s a promise. A promise for better days. And hugging him a little tighter, you can’t help but believe in the hope laced through Kevin’s words.
-----
#kevin moon#kevin moon imagine#kevin au#kevin drabble#kevin moon scenario#kevin moon drabble#kevin moon fanfic#the boyz#kevin theboyz#the boyz kevin#the boyz scenarios#the boyz fanfic#the boyz drabble#the boyz angst#theboyz kevin#theboyz scenarios#the boyz fluff#theboyz drabble#theboyz imagines#theboyz scenario#theboyz fanfic#tbz fluff#tbz kevin#tbz scenarios#tbz imagines#tbz fanfic#kpop fanfic#kpop imagine#kpop fluff#tbz angst
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