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#missing someone
thensson · 4 months
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Thinking of you, even now
Darling, I Left the House, by Joseph Brodsky || Nickie Zimov || Faces in the Crowd, Valeria Luiselli || Garden of Words, Makoto Shinkai || Love, Alex Dimitrov || This is Not a Love Poem, Caitlyn Siehl
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girl-that-writes · 7 months
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Missing that one person that you feel like you shouldn't miss is okay too. Even if it has been way too long since the end. Doesn't mean you haven't moved on. Its just human nature to miss what was. Don't be too hard on yourself for merely being human.
More importantly, there were so many times that you could have reached out to them in a moment of weakness. But each time you didn't, each time you stopped, you resisted the strong pull of nostalgia and prioritized yourself above all else, and I am so proud of you for doing that.
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bigtreefest · 20 days
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Chapter 6: Missing Someone
From: Bigger Houses Series
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Pairing: Mountain Ranger! Ari x Reader
Summary: It’s time to tell all and talk about each other’s pasts
Word Count: 2,417
Content/Warnings: ANGST, kissing, use of pet names, no-good exs, crying and near-crying, miscommunication but it’s resolved
Author’s Note: I was gonna make it bad, but then I realized, it’s not like this couple to have a huge blowout fight and misunderstanding. They’re too good at talking it out.
Shoutout to my childhood friend I visited last week for helping me write this. He won’t read it, but I appreciate him indulging my thought process. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are sooooo welcome and appreciated!!
Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
Below is the song which inspired this chapter. It makes me very sad tbh. I skip it a lot when listening.
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You and Ari were going to build a new dresser in your bedroom. It had been nearly six months of being together officially. Your old furniture was breaking down already, so the two of you had gone shopping. Ari insisted he was just going so that he could provide his truck for hauling it, but you knew that wasn’t the case when he turned down the first three you liked.
“No, that one won’t match the wood grains of your cabin.”
“What’s the material on that one? Pressed composite? No good.”
“Sure Duchess, that one could work…if you’re blind.”
You rolled your eyes at that last one,
holding back a laugh. Sure, those were valid reasons, but any minor criticism was something you took personally. He didn’t even live with you! Finally, you’d gotten him to agree to a nice, subtle piece that complemented your bed frame without clashing against the rest of the cabin. The only issue was, you had to build it.
Once the two of you had gotten home from the furniture store, you were exhausted. Not only from the shopping, but from long drive since you had to go to the nearest city with hopes of finding anything good.
After eating dinner, you and Ari settled on the couch together, cuddling to catch up on the show you two were binging at the moment. Sure, you usually preferred to do things away from screens, but sometimes, there was nothing that could replace classic, trashy TV. The dresser could wait. Ari was laying on his back and you were laying directly on top of him, ear over his steady heartbeat until you drifted to sleep.
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You began to stir awake and stretch when you realized the TV wasn’t playing anymore. Strong hands stroked your back and your eyelids fluttered open. Your sleepy pupils sparkled and dilated as you moved your chin to Ari’s chest to see him looking down at you the same way, him not even realizing the way he smiled when you were within this eye sight.
“Well good morning handsome.” Your voice was full of sleep.
“Good morning.” Ari leaned forward to kiss your nose as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“Looks like it really is morning. 2:47 am.”
You hummed in response. “I think we kinda threw off our sleep schedule with what was supposed to be a nap.”
Ari nodded and laughed. “Oh definitely. But now we’ve got all this time to be productive. You wanna build that dresser?”
You groaned and threw your head into his chest, smushing it your nose and mouth. “Yeah, I guess so.”
You groaned and sighed before your muffled voice came out against his pecs again. “Lemme go pee first.”
You pushed off of Ari’s chest, causing him to exhale most of the air in his lungs with a laugh before he watched you scurry to the bathroom.
Ari got up and walked toward your room to get started on the dresser while he waited for you. Just as he sat on the floor straddling the instructions and some spare parts, he heard a buzzing coming from the nightstand, lighting up your dim bedroom.
“Duchess, your phone is ringing.” He yelled out the bedroom door.
“You can get it. I’ll be out soon. It could be important since they’re calling this time of night.” He heard your faint response.
With a groan, Ari stood up again and took the few large strides towards your nightstand, picking up the phone off the charger. The number wasn’t saved.
“Hello?”
“Hey, is that you? I miss you s’much. You should come over.” A man slurred from the other side of the line.
Ari was confused. He knew the area code of the phone number wasn’t from around here, but who was this man and why was he calling at this hour?
“Who is this?” Ari gritted out the words. He was beginning to feel something. There was anger, there was frustration. He was hurt that this seemed like something that was kept from him. The man on the other side of the line continued to call out your name.
“It’s me. It’s Oscar. Where are you? My bed’s cold.”
That got Ari. It hit him where it hurts and he felt a pang in his chest. He hung up the phone and stalked over to the bathroom where you were washing your hands as his hands shook. You hadn’t looked up yet.
“Hey Bear, was it anything important?” You were met with silence, only Ari’s heavy breathing and the sound of running water filling the air. When he finally spoke up, you could hear a near-growl in his voice.
“Who is Oscar?” Your head darted up and your wide eyes met his through the mirror. You shut off the water, dried your hands, and turned around.
“He’s no one. No one that we should be concerned about, anyway. Why did he call?”
You could see the worry on Ari’s brow and the tears that threatened to fill his reddening eyes. “He said his bed was cold. He misses you. Is there something I don’t know?”
You broke your gaze with Ari, looking at your shifting feet on the cool floor while you fiddled with your fingertips. You took a deep breath and a step towards Ari, surprised by him taking a step back. He’d been hurt before and he didn’t need it coming from you, too. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his distance.
“Oscar is my ex. I should’ve known it would be him calling at this hour.” Ari’s look of hurt took on even more emotion; it was his turn to be confused.
“So he calls you often at this time of night? When I’m not around? And you don’t tell me? Do you always pick it up?”
You shook your head, reaching out to Ari, glad that this time he let your set your hands on his waist.
“No.” You whispered back, your watery gaze meeting his. “I know you and I have been a little private with our pasts, but I think it’s time we tell each other everything.”
Ari nodded as you followed him to the couch. A place where you two had just had your bodies pressed together found you sitting on opposite ends, your legs criss-crossed in front of you and Ari’s long legs out to the side. You weren’t touching at all as you pulled a pillow up against your chest for comfort and took a deep breath, preparing to start.
You told Ari everything. All about the relationship. The expectations, the lies, the late night phone calls, the broken promises, the new girl after the breakup. He nodded along, keeping a mostly level face, although he maintained a mild layer of disgust. How could someone so awful keep you for so long? You were too good for Oscar. Heck, Ari thought to himself, you were too good for him, too. But he would spend the rest of his life becoming better for you if he had to.
As Ari was taking it all in, you continued on. “Mostly during the relationship, but even for a few months after, he would still call me late at night. It’s been over a year since the last time. I honestly thought he would’ve forgotten all about me by now. I don’t have his contact saved anymore. Something must’ve happened, though. But it’s not my problem. He was always whiskey drunk and saying he missed me, just like this time, but I knew that wasn’t the case.”
You looked up at Ari. He seemed like he was beginning to understand. “When we were dating, I fell for it. I fell for all the sweet, yearning things he would say, and I’d come over. We’d dance down the hallway and fall into his bed. We’d lay there and talk, well, it was almost always him doing the talking and lying until the sun came up. I really lost my voice over that whole thing.”
Ari felt such deep sadness for you. His favorite thing was when you would talk passionately about something random or speak your mind against the popular opinion. To hear that someone took that away, someone didn’t appreciate you and your amazing qualities, made him want to scream. His jaw clenched and he kept his silence, grateful for the full insight on your life. If Ari ever met Oscar, well, who knows what would happen to that punk?
Your voice began to break as you sniffled. “I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me, or break my heart, but I felt used. Like I was a late night lonely drug. I know he thought he loved me, and he would say that I was all he wanted, but I think he just wanted someone. At one point, I wished that I was that one he wanted, but I think a part of me always knew I wasn’t.”
Ari had crept closer again over the duration of your story. He pulled you in tight to his chest and rubbed your back as you wept, tears staining his old t-shirt. He had no idea how someone so awful could bring down someone so amazing, so angelic. You were everything. The sun rose and and set on you for Ari.
He pulled away and set his eyes deeply on yours, his hands holding your fingers. “I’m so sorry, Angel. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You deserve the world. Anyone who can’t see that was never worthy to even be in your presence.” He kissed your forehead and your eyes gently closed at the gesture as a soft smile graced your face again at his true, genuine sweetness.
“You are the world. You’re my world, and I’m going to spend as long as I have to so you can see how much you mean to me. Every day, I’m going to do everything I can to give you the love you deserve. To show you just how much I really, truly, honestly love you.”
You sat there, mouth agape in shock. There it was. That was the first time either of you had dared to say the L-word to each other. It wasn’t haphazardly thrown out there as a last-ditch effort to stay. It wasn’t overused and thin. It was heavy, it was intentional, and it was true. It carried such a weight to it, but your were sure Ari wouldn’t have dropped it had he not meant the word with his whole soul.
You felt it too, though. That was the part that astounded you. There was no other person who you believed could ever hold a place so fitting for the word love. There was only Ari.
“I love you, too.” You spoke firmly, gazing into his bright blue eyes, lit up extra from his beaming smile. His hand moved up to your cheek and he leaned in for a kiss. His soft lips met yours as your tongues danced together. There was no greed, no rush. Just love.
When you pulled away, you rested your foreheads against each other. You sighed and giggled. “While I’m out here being honest. I feel like there’s something else I should tell you.”
Ari’s head tilted to the side, confused on what other bombshell you could be hiding. The truth was, you had never been completely forthright with your thoughts.
“Did I do something to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me before?” You could hear the wavering in his tone. After such a vulnerable moment, what else could be coming?
“No, no, that’s not at all what’s going on. It’s just…ugh….” You were beginning to grow frustrated with yourself. There was so much you kept locked inside as a result of how Oscar hurt you. You were elated it was coming out for Ari to see. He deserved to know every side of you, but words were hard to formulate in the right way.
“I’m sorry. I want to communicate more openly with you. But it’s scary. I thought when you found out about everything with Oscar, you’d judge me for it. You’d look at me differently.” He shook his head, about to speak up before you cut him off.
“I want to be able to explain it all fully. I should’ve told you all this sooner. I knew once I gave you everything, it would lock me in. It would have solidified everything in a way we can’t come back from. You knowing all the details of my life. I didn’t want it to blow up, because I knew if it did, I would never recover. If I’m being honest, I was so scared to give it all over to you because I’ll never get it back.”
Ari’s blew out a puff of air, processing your words. He simply nodded, allowing you to finish. He completely understood where you were coming from. To trust someone so deeply again after pain like that was the scariest thing he could think of, and he was going through it, too. He was just glad you did trust him. Because he’d give you everything you deserved and more in a heartbeat. The two of you weren’t locked in to anything bad at all, you were just securing yourselves in something you already knew.
After all the heaviness, you made an attempt to lighten the mood. “And, I think you should know, I’m completely capable of assembling a dresser by myself. There are just some times I ask you for help because I want to spend time with you. Not because I need it.”
You winked and Ari heartily laughed in response. “Is that also why you asked me if I needed help cooking dinner last week?”
It was your turn to laugh, throwing you head back before pulling it forward and shaking it back and forth. “No. Sometimes I offer help because I can’t stand to watch as you do something wrong.”
Ari playfully rolled his eyes and pulled you in close for one of his signature bear hugs. He spoke into your hair. “Well, I’m just happy you keep me around. And I’m always happy to do whatever, right by your side, like a true partner. I love you.”
You both inhaled each other’s scents deeply. “I love you, too.”
When you pulled away, Ari opened up and told you everything about his past, too.
Next >
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Bonus A/N: reverence is rare and lies are plentiful
Series Taglist:
@patzammit
@hawkeyes-queen
@identity2212
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samxcamargo · 1 year
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Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛
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i-remember-yyou · 7 months
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jess-amelia · 11 months
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Slipped into your shirt with the hope that it'd rescue me from the weight of missing you. As I breathed in your scent, I learned that hugs from ghosts are painful too.
Jess Amelia Coe
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soulinkpoetry · 14 days
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No one would feel this empty…
.
@whispersofthepurplevalley
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ranpd · 2 months
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i cannot love without breaking
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aliyafatima · 1 year
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But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and I feel as if I have hardly slept.
-Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letter
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nobeerreviews · 9 months
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Missing someone is like hearing a name sung quietly from somewhere behind you. Even after you know no one is there, you keep looking back until on a silver afternoon like this you find yourself breathing just enough to make a small dent in the air.
-- Tim Seibles
(Paris)
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blusnowflakes · 10 months
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"it's okay to miss someone who hurt you"
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saturnsol · 8 months
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10-15-2020 11:14 PM
3am is the best time to be missing someone.
Because you know somewhere in the world someone is missing someone just as hard as you are.
And you feel a little bit less alone.
Humans are ruled and controlled by ego.
Whether we like it or not.
But the stillness and deafening silence of 3am is just enough to make us forget about our ego for just a second.
It's the perfect time to be present in our sadness.
In our longing for the people who are no longer in our life.
That fleeting feeling of wishing someone was still here.
Wishing you could text them and tell them how much you love them and how much you want to risk everything for them.
Leave everything behind.
Sacrifice everything just to hear them tell you they love you.
Just one more time.
But we suppress it.
Because society has taught us to stand firm in our boundaries.
To not give in and seem weak.
And when 10am rolls around and we are thrust back into the harsh reality of the cold state of our lives,
We convince ourselves we made the right decision by not reaching out.
And then the cycle continues.
And we are forever in a loop of missing people and then covering up that feeling with our inflated egos and pride.
Even though secretly we all love that 3am feeling.
And we would give anything just to be able to feel vulnerable for a second with no consequences or fear of judgment.
But we must continue on.
We must live our lives.
And not succumb to the pressure and intensity of our feelings.
Because at the end of the day,
We know nothing is going to change.
And we know that we are better off just ignoring it.
Because at least that way we can pretend like we never felt that way.
And when 10am rolls around we can feel confident in our egos.
And accept that that’s just the reality of our situation.
Because staying true to our pride will always be easier then giving in to vulnerability.
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zoe-a-scott · 7 months
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there is never a time I don’t think of you. even when my mind is empty, my body still holds every word you’ve spoken.
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samxcamargo · 1 year
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Book: The Pain of Healing by Samantha Camargo on amazon 💛
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fnafkinsafespace · 5 months
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hiya! could i have a moodboard for montygator with themes of missing roxy?? i miss my mate :(
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moodboard for monty who misses roxy!
(not great but i hope it's okay, added arcades cause security breach theme stuff and green & purple cause those are colors i associate with monty & roxy)
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pillofmoonlight · 1 year
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The moon still hums,
a song so crass,
it pains me to visit it anymore,
for it sings the songs,
i taught it once,
now it only knows to sing of you.
— pillofmoonlight
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