i'm so sorry for not being active and not answering asks. just trying the best to keep the blog going by sometimes posting a draft. gonna get regular in some time after things settle down.

It's funny how one moment I can be saying, "and I guess in the end what I learnt was that no force other than my own actions can save me from me" and in another I can be gazing at the darkness above, pleading with something unknown to let the stars hear me.

See, the thing is, you made that plan/schedule/ strategy to help you be a bit more structured and make it easier for you to be able to achieve your goals without them feeling overwhelming.

And now maybe you're berating yourself for "messing it up" because now "it's all wrong and not how it was supposed to be" but listen. Stuff happens, it always will. Things affect us, they always will. We mess up sometimes, we always will. But don't you let that be the end.

The purpose of that plan/strategy was to help you, right? And you could not have anticipated the things that led you off-course when you were making that plan. But now you do know better. So maybe instead of only blaming yourself (which does nothing to improve your situation btw) and getting stuck in a cycle, what you need to do is acknowledge the things that happened, take accountability for where you fell short but also forgive yourself for that and try to make better plans with the information you do have now.

So go, gather up the pieces of your life, again. And try to find new and better ways to put it together, again. And again and again and again. Until you ultimately have something that resembles something you can be content with. Because that, is the actual end goal.

You are worth the time and effort it takes for you to find a more content you.

You got this.

hug

🫂

(thankyou, really needed that)

Hi hope you're doing ok. I always look forward to your posts 🥰

i've been trying. thankyou, really

I'll be proud of myself on the days that I wake up on time, get out of bed, brush my teeth, wash my face, make my bed, clean and ready my space, take a bath, put on lotion, drink enough water, eat properly and do my work.

I'll be gentle, understanding and patient with myself on the days that I do not want to wake up, postpone getting out of bed or don't get out of it at all and end up not taking care of myself.

But I'll try again the next day.

Things have been tough to tackle, since these series of lows are ones that I've never faced before. I'm trying to keep the blog going, really am. But even I know it's evident now that the efforts haven't been having the best effects. Which is to be expected since I haven't been able to write well in some time now either. And when I go to post something from the drafts, it doesn't feel right either. But I'll try nonetheless.

Maybe you're on the floor, maybe you're gazing at your shaking hands, maybe you're wondering how everything could have gotten this way, and maybe you're ruthlessly attacking yourself for every "mistake" you made.

But maybe it's 3 a.m., maybe the past couple of years haven't been the best, maybe on top of that some awful things have recently taken place in quick succession in a short period of time, maybe your mental health has been a little worse than usual lately, maybe you've had an exceptionally unlucky week, maybe you haven't eaten all day and maybe you haven't drunk enough water and maybe, just maybe, no one has shown you the kindness that you actually do deserve in a while.

I know that being positive in the face of adversity is quite an important thing but I also think that taking a moment to just breathe and entertain the thought of "but what if this happens instead of that" is important too. Not in the sense of, "if this does happen, everything will be over" but actually in the sense of, "if this does happen, it will not be the end because these are the ways with which I can continue".

I just think that knowing life can still be alright if it doesn't go the way you most wish it should, makes facing the adversity a little easier. Makes it less scary. And if something is a little bit less scary, that makes it that much easier to achieve.

If you're conflicted about whether you're trauma bonded to that person or not, I hope you'll gain clarity.

If you already know you are, I hope some way or the other you'll find liberation.

thank you for following me 🙂. It's a mixed bag, my blog, just like me

Btw, you forgot to add "extremely awesome" with that "mixed bag" when you described you and your blog

you sound like an awesome person

You're being too kind to me! I don't even know how to properly respond to this because my brain has short circuited. Like you don't even have to yet you take time to send me such kind messages so tell me, who's the actual awesome person?

My peace is more important than proving my point.

From the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron

Reblogging so more people can come across this

/ Personal Post ♡

I'm a student at university in Germany, and I am almost done with my studies. I have never really written a paper until recently I wrote 2, and I failed both of them because they were not at all scientific or academic enough and I made a bunch of mistakes. The problem is, for any exam or paper in a german University, you only have 3 tries. If you fail the 3rd one, you will not only get kicked out of Uni, but banned from these studies in all of Germany. I have two papers to write and I am in the 3rd try for both. So I can't fail, but I don't exactly know how to do this either. The problem is also that I moved to France and my family here doesn't speak German, so they can't help me with my paper either. I met up with my professor online yesterday and she said that I need people to proof read my paper, other students who are better than me at writing papers. The problem is, I don't know anyone who could help except for 1 friend who is currently hospitalized.

So if you read this by any chance and you are a german Uni student, I would literally pay you to read my paper and give me some feedback ♡

That being said, if you're also a student, everyone struggles, some more than others. Studies are always hard and you're not alone. ♡ one day when you have your degree it will all be worth it.

instead of asking 'is this normal?' try asking a meaningful question:

is this helpful?

is this pleasurable?

is this kind?

is this joyful?

just because something is 'normal' doesn't mean it is good, and just because something is good, doesn't mean it is 'normal'