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fairystar111 · 2 months

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Trapped in Heaven

by: fairystar111

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Summary:

Love is something we all need. It's something we all want, whether it be romantic or platonic. But sometimes you don't get it from the people you want it from, and the people that were supposed to love you turn their backs.

Characters: Himiko Toga, Twice | Jin Bubaigawara, Ochaco Uraraka, Iida Tenya.

CW/Tags: Kidnapping, Big Sister Himiko Toga, Parental Twice/Jin Bubaigawara, Yandere Himiko Toga, Yandere Twice, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Unhealthy Relationships, Toxic Codependency, Mind Break, Memory Alteration, Forced Infantilism, Stockholm Syndrome, Yandere, Platonic/Parental Yandere, Psychological Torture, Gaslighting, Emotional Manipulation, Suicidal ideation, Suicide Attempt.

As far as Toga could remember she never had a family to call her own, sure she was created by her mother and father and had a sibling or two but they always felt distant. It was like they were living in a different world than she was. Whenever they would spend time together they would often send weary disgusted glances her way, grimace when she smiled showing off her sharp fangs, and try to separate her from her "normal” siblings. Later on once her quirk came in harsh beatings from her father became a common occurrence over her hunting small animals and cravings for blood. It was like she was a viper born into a family of cowardly bunnies. They were always on edge, constantly afraid of when she would snap and eat them too.

When she inevitably did crack, stabbing one of her classmates in a hunger induced haze due starvation and malnutrition. Her parents were quick to disown her and claim she had simply been born incorrectly and that the incident had nothing to do with their parenting. They even tried to turn her into the police station stating she was too dangerous for the general public but luckily she was able to run away. The fresh blood giving her just enough energy to react quickly and escape capture. For the first time in what seemed like forever she had a clear mind. There wasn't a heavy cloud of hunger hanging over her head. But she was all alone with no one to turn to with nothing but her dirty school uniform and an empty backpack.

She spent weeks wandering learning how to live on the streets and trying to get out of her hometown as quickly as possible. Since she was a minor they couldn’t plaster her face on wanted posters but the detailed description the police released of her was enough to get her suspicious glances and frantic calls to the police whenever she entered a store. She hadn't thought she would be so easily recognizable. I mean how many small blonde girls with golden eyes and blood sucking fangs can there be in Japan? Apparently not enough because she was getting chased down by heroes practically every time she went into a public space. She couldn't afford any hair dye or eye contacts but a dirty face mask she found littered on the street helped conceal her identity a bit. It was better than nothing.

Eventually after several weeks the news of her school stabbing died down and people began to forget her wanted description. Now the looks she received were mostly out of pity or disgust, most people just thinking of her as a homeless teen or a runaway. She didn't have any money and most nights she didn't even have a place to go to sleep but she was free. At the moment she was living off any birds and small animals she could catch, mostly rats she couldn't bring herself to eat any stray pets, and sleeping in cardboard boxes and small hidey holes she could fit herself into. It wasn't much but she felt better than she has in years.

On the streets she heard rumors of a man who offered housing and decent pay for less than legal acts. It was a month before she found him or more like he found her. Apparently the man, Giran, had spread the word to plenty of his people that if they were to find her to bring her to him. Apparently word of her quirk got around in the underworld and many people had requests for it.

The one who ended up catching her was her dad. She had been terrified at the time, confusing his gray and black outfit for a hero costume and lashed out at him with her tiny pocket knife. But she was quickly unarmed and pinned to the wall of the alleyway by a pair of clones. She thrashed and screamed, panicking trying to get out of his hold until Twice explained that he wasn't a hero and was here to offer her a job. He was employed by Giran, the man she was looking for and he just wanted to talk to her. She had been wary at first. Many people have wanted to hire her for her body or use her quirk for disgusting things before but she could see sincerity shining in the man's eyes so she reluctantly decided to hear him out.

He explained how his life had spiraled out of control because of his mental health and an incident regarding quirk. He had lost everything and had been on the streets too until he met Giran. The man had taken him in and gave him a safe place to sleep, practice his quirk, and a steady income. He told her that she would have a safe place to live where no one would judge her and Giran told him about a new group that will start recruiting people like them in a couple of months to help change the world. And that even if she doesn’t want to stay with them to at least consider accepting their help just long enough to get on her own feet and off the streets. The man had a soft spot for kids and wanted to help her in a way he had wished someone had helped him when he was younger.

She ended up reluctantly agreeing to go with him to see Giran and from there on the rest is history. She met the broker and agreed to work for him so long as she didn't have to sell her body. The man had sputtered coughing out lungfuls of smoke when she had said that and vehemently assured her that that was never what he wanted to employ her for. It wasn't much but the slightly offended look on the broker's face and the shocked look on Twice had reassured her that these guys aren't like the disgusting people that have tried to employ her in the past.

She was then brought to a small shoddy apartment complex Giran owned and told she would be rooming with Twice for the time being since all the other complexes were full. She had been weary at first staying in an apartment with a strange man apparently named Jin Bubaigawara but after a few weeks of living together the two became very close. Jin was the first person ever to treat her kindly. He never looked at her in disgust when she drank blood or smiled. He guided her when she needed help and scolded her when she misbehaved. He was everything she wished her original family had been. Slowly but surely the slightly unstable man filled the aching hole in her heart. When meeting with a client for a job they were mistaken for a father daughter duo and they didn't bother to correct them. The title felt right, from then on she started to call him dad.

After a couple of months of taking odd jobs here and there from Giran they met up with a pair of young men and their sensei and officially joined the league. They spent most of their time training, planning, and helping lay down the groundwork for the war. Slowly the others were recruited first Mr.Compress then Magne and Spinner and lastly Hawks. Though they recruited many more grunts and even merged with other organizations they remained Tomura’s most trusted confidants. During their time together they had also become a family. They spent most days together managing to find time to goof off and bond with the other members while working to complete their goal. They were tasked with bringing down an entire society centered around heroics afterall. Then when they were ready; they started the war and swiftly ended it managing to bring heroes to their knees.

The beginning of the war had been pretty chaotic, at one point she had gotten separated from the others and cornered by a group of heroes. That was when she met her, her little hero. The reason she was cornered was due to a hero spotting her form melting from a elderly man to a young boy. Ochaco had spotted the heroes charging towards her and screamed at them for daring to hurt a child. The heroes yelled back, that she wasn't actually a kid and was really Himiko Toga but Ochaco just screamed “It doesn’t matter if she's a villain she doesn't deserve lethal force! She’s still a kid, she just needs help!” She had fought against her own side to save her. Ochaco was the first hero to ever try to help her; she was her very own hero. From then on she became obsessed; she wanted to know anything and everything relating to the girl.

After they won the war all hero schools were shut down effective immediately. While raiding the abandoned UA campus for clues into the whereabouts of the missing class she stumbled upon files on Ochaco including details on the girls homelife and past assignments. What she found had shocked her; there were many notes from her teachers detailing Ochaco having trouble staying awake in class, not having anything to eat for lunch, and passing out during training. Her records showed that she attended UA on a financial aid scholarship, the girl most likely didn't have enough money to feed herself due to her family's poor financial situation. The heroes knew all this and they did nothing to help.

Then she found it, in a stack of assignments labeled class 1-A, a worksheet with the prompt: why do you want to become a hero? All the girl wrote about was her parents and wanting to make money for them. And how she was already helping them as much as she could but it wasn't enough so she decided to become a hero to help ease their burdens. This is why she was doing so poorly in class, the brunette was training daily on a near empty stomach and working with her parents failing business afterschool with little to no time to rest. It was no wonder she was having trouble in class. Her little hero didn't even want to be one other than to help her selfish greedy parents.

That was when Toga knew Ochaco was just like her. She too was being exploited by awful parents while the heroes turned a blind eye and did nothing to help. Ochako needs someone to help her like the league helped her. At that moment she decided that person would be her. When they eventually find class 1-A she and her dad will be taking Ochaco with them because she deserves to be saved too. She needs someone to tell her that what happened to her wasn't okay and learn how to be cared for instead of always caring for others. She probably won't understand at first but it’s for her own good. Her baby sister will be the most spoiled pampered little girl in the world. She won’t have to overwork herself ever again when they get their hands on her. Now all they had to do was find the girl…

===

Ochaco awoke slowly groggily blinking her sleepy eyes. She was so comfortable she didn't even want to wake up but something felt strange. The blankets were incredibly soft unlike the old scratchy ones she had at home, the pajamas she was wearing felt far nicer than anything she's ever had, and she could hear soft lulling music that made her want to go back to sleep. As her vision cleared she noticed what looked like white bars on the ceiling and something slowly spinning? She shot up in a panic, adrenaline hitting her system when she realized she could recognize where she was. As she looked around she realized the bars were not attached to the ceiling; they were surrounding her entirely. She was in some sort of enclosed crib.

As she looked around the room she could only feel dread. The room itself was beautiful; it was huge and looked like it was made for a princess. The walls were a soft pastel pink, the floors covered in soft fluffy pink carpet, the room had what looked like a million plushies and toys decorating the space. Her name was written above the bed in white cursive lettering, a circular canopy hanging above the crib with a mobile spinning softly in the center that must have been where the lullaby from earlier was coming from. There were huge windows with pretty pink curtains and a large balcony with what looked to be a white patio table with matching chairs. It looked like something a princess would use for a tea party.

It was really pretty but… it looked like a room made in wait for the arrival of a baby girl. The last memories she had was being forcefully taken by the league from their hideout. So why was she here? Maybe they were saved, someone must have intercepted the league kidnapping them. But why would her name be on the wall? Heroes on the run usually don’t have much money let alone time to customize rooms for people they rescue. Her stomach dropped as she realized she was most likely still with the league. Her eyes filled with tears and she wondered what was going to happen to her and began to weep. Her lungs could hardly keep up with how heavily she was sobbing. She could barely breathe thinking of all the possibilities for why the league kidnapped her.

Suddenly a voice speaking from a baby monitor she hadn't noticed rang out. “Calm down princess, Daddy will be there soon it's all right. Chin up buttercup!” The girl could only sob harder when she recognized the voice belonging to the masked villain who abducted her. She trembled as she waited for the arrival of her captor. The music from the mobile started up again, soothing her in an almost unnatural way. As the doors opened she could no longer feel the rising panic she was feeling a moment ago. She just watched as an unremarkable blonde man and Himiko Toga entered the room while the last of her tears rolled down her face. As they strolled forward marching toward the bed she inched backwards until her back was hitting the bars of the crib looking up at two sets of eyes watching her adoringly.

“Hey baby we heard you're not feeling too well. ‘Course not she just got here! What can daddy do to make it better? Hold her?” Jin cooed down at the girl. His little angel was finally safe at home. When Himiko told him about her past he just knew he had to take her in. He’s always had a soft spot for children especially those mistreated by the ones who are supposed to love them most. Her story reminded him of too much of his Himiko; there was no way he was sending her back to live with her parents. His baby went through too much too soon in her short life. She deserved to be loved and cherished like she was always meant to be.

“Yeah Ochaco, just say the word and we’ll make it better. We’ll get you anything you want!” Toga exclaimed with a wide smile. She was so happy that her baby sister was finally home.

“Wait! What's going on? Who are you and why are you calling yourself my dad? I already have parents of my own.” She asked calmly. She knew she should be upset but she couldn’t feel anything wrong, just confusion. It was like any of her negative emotions were being blocked by something.

“What am I doing here and what is all this?” She gestured to the room around her as a fresh set of tears rolled down her face, it seemed her body was still physically reacting to her emotions; she just couldn't feel them.

“Oh baby you must be so confused. It's okay sweetie! All this must be so different from what you're used to huh? My poor little girl. Let me break it down into simple terms for you. Poor baby doesn't understand.” Twice answers with a bit of sadness creeping into his eyes. The girl clearly has never been doted on before and can’t understand why they were doing this.

“My name is Jin Bubaigawara. I’m going to be your new daddy and this is your big sister Himiko. You’re here because we found out the way you were being treated at home and by the heroes around you and could not stand to send you back to your parents in good conscience. You deserve to be treasured and loved, not overworked and exploited. This is all for you princess.” The man said with full sincerity. He did not want her to end up like he did, a child slipping through the cracks with no one to lean on.

“Ochaco I know what it's like to have terrible parents and have everyone around me know they're bad but turn a blind eye to the abuse. I wanted to save you like dad helped save me.” Toga said, hoping the girl would understand.

“What are you talking about? I didn't need to be saved from anyone! My parents love me! They've never been abusive!” Ochaco spoke gently. She could feel her face heating up like it usually did when she gets mad but felt no actual anger. She knows that if they weren't blocking her emotions right now she would be very angry. Because even though her parents were poor they still loved her and cared for her the best they could. There was no “abuse” in their home; these are a bunch of lies.

“I know it's hard to accept that what happened to you was wrong but it was. Being cared for will feel weird in the beginning. I know it can be hard to not feel guilty for just existing but we really do love you and just want what is best for you, Even if you can't see that at the moment.” Toga said grimacing slightly at the red flush indicating anger on the girl's bewildered face.

“Don't worry angel, you'll understand soon. You won't have a choice.” Twice added ominously.

===

Then began her new hellish existence. The duo seem to think that since she was previously so “exhausted and overworked” that she shouldn't be doing anything for herself. They don't let her feed herself, dress herself, bathe herself, or even walk on her own. She is carried everywhere and if she isn't being carried she has to hold one of their hands for “safety”. They essentially took away all of her bodily autonomy and ignore any protests she has regarding the treatment. Every time she tries to fight against them they give her a dose of muscle relaxer and do whatever they want anyway. They don’t even have the decency to put her to sleep, she's conscious the whole time while they coo and shower her in praise.

She can’t tell which one is worse: Twice's constant smothering or Toga’s loud playful disposition. The man is the most overprotective father she has ever bared witness to. This extends to Himiko as well but for some unknown reason he is ten times worse when it comes to her. For example once while she was trying to escape her crib she had gotten a splinter and accidentally cried out in pain when it had happened. The man immediately rushed to her, saw the splinter and took her to the doctor to get her splinter disinfected and removed. Then promptly had the crib removed and ordered a new one and observed the hired crew assembling it making sure that each piece of wood was sanded down perfectly. All while Ochaco was in his arms being cooed at and praised for being brave as if she had broken a leg.

While Toga treats her like a plaything, dressing her in the prettiest clothes she can find and making elaborate games for them to play together. Depending on the day it can help distract her from the heavy thoughts in her mind or make them worse. She can’t even find it in herself to hate them, not really anyway. Clearly they have both been hurt in the past and think they are doing a good thing by keeping her but her mind is beginning to crack.

Ochaco thought that they would eventually get bored and stop but this has been going on for months. They have never once let up on the constant babying except to have serious conversations where they try to gaslight her into thinking her childhood was terrible and send her pitying looks when she tries to refute their claims. They never fail to remind her that her parents were greedy and exploitative and that she is “safe” now. As if she wasn’t kidnapped and being forcibly imprisoned.

The punishments were even worse; they just took more basic privileges away from her. She wasn't always carried twenty-four-seven but after too many failed escape attempts they decided it would be in her “best interest” to stop walking altogether. If she needs something she either has to ask her captors or suffer the humiliation of crawling. If she refuses to call them by their preferred names, Daddy and Himi-nii, she isn't allowed to speak at all. They have this pacifier contraption that physically cannot be removed from her mouth except by one of them. It's probably enchanted by some sort of quirk. Same goes for the mobile that stops any so-called “tantrums” before they start. Which in reality is just her being rightfully upset at her situation and being forced to lock away those feelings. Worst of all she can’t even fight against the punishments because each time she tries they dutifully remind her that the only reason her parents are still alive is because they allow it and how that can always be changed if she does not behave.

She can't handle it anymore. Every day that passed she could feel her mind fracturing more and more. If she stays here any longer she’ll lose herself completely. But where can she go? The league will hunt her down anywhere she tries to run. She can’t go back to her parents, that's where they would look first. She doubts she could even get them out of Japan considering how locked down the country is and if they caught them with her they would surely be killed. She is one those specifically chosen by the league to become part of their “family”, she will most likely never lead a normal life ever again. She will never be able to escape them so long as she lives.

===

One beautiful sunny spring day Ochaco and Twice were having a tea party in her room, while Toga was out shopping, probably getting her more clothes and toys she doesn't want. The curtains were drawn letting in sunshine and a warm breeze, the doors to the balcony were wide open showing a gorgeous lush garden that surrounded the mansion. She was reluctantly playing on the floor with a pretty floral tea set, wearing matching princess tiaras with her “Daddy’s” when Twice suddenly got a phone call. It seemed to be very important considering he did not restrain her before rushing out the door. Well she has been doing “better” recently, in reality she’s been too numb to resist much of anything.

Slowly she gathered herself up off the floor, her legs wobbling from not being utilized very often and walked out onto the balcony. She looked over the stone border to see a several mile high drop. As she stared she contemplated if this was really the only way. She tried to find other solutions but couldn't come up with anything. She had been thinking of escape for months and what she would if she ever got the chance to leave but nothing seemed feasible. The league will never let her go. She will never be able to see her parents again or have never have a normal life. This is the only way she thought as she stepped up onto the ledge. She hesitated for a moment before hearing the door to her room click open and made up her mind. She turned around and gently pushed her feet off the edge letting herself fall. She heard the man scream coming from above but ignored it. He’d be too slow to catch her anyways.

“I'm so sorry mom and dad. I hope we can meet again in another life.” She thought as her body sailed through the air. “I'm finally going to be free!”

When suddenly a flurry of red feathers flew toward her stopping her rapid descent towards the ground.

“NO!” The girl screamed as she hung from the feathers embedded in her clothing. She thrashed trying to dislodged them before their winged owner arrived but was unsuccessful. The blond man was there before she could blink, lifting her into his strong muscular arms.

“Oh chicklet, what have you done?” Keigo spoke gravely, golden eyes filled with sorrow. When he had gotten the alert that one of the other’s fledgling had fallen off the west side of the building he had assumed it was a fluke. That maybe she and Himiko were playing a bit too recklessly and had a little accident but this…this was intentional. His stomach filled with dread, he would have never imagined any of their children attempting something like this. She was actually trying to die.

“Let me go! I want to go! Just let me go!” The girl's screams dissolved into sobs as yet another escape attempt ended in failure. This was her last chance to be free. She won’t ever get a chance like this ever again after this stunt. Ochaco is going to die, maybe not physically but they are going to kill her. They are going to take away everything that makes her her and mold her into whatever they want. At this point she might just let them. She’s tired. She doesn't want to fight anymore. She’s done.

As they flew back up to the balcony the girl grew limp. He wonders if she knows how badly she is going to be punished for this. While Jin is one of the sweetest most generous guys Keigo knows, he could also be unbearably possessive if you try to take something away from him that is his, a trait from his childhood growing up in the slums. He doesn't even know where to begin when it comes to Himiko. The girl is also both extremely possessive and obsessive of anyone she considers family, due to her lack of a healthy loving family for most of her childhood. Ochaco tried to take herself away from them permanently. This won't be handled lightly.

“I think I caught something of yours?” Hawks spoke lightheartedly as he handed Ochaco back to her father trying to ease the man's panic. If Fumikage or Shouto ever did something like this they would never see the light of day again.

“Oh thank god! Baby are you alright? Of course not, she tried to kill herself!” Twice hugged the girl tightly.

“I'm sorry Daddy! I didn't mean to- I didn't want- I…I just didn't know what to do.” Ochaco said the soft words tapering off into broken sobs.

“It's alright sweetheart we’ll get you the help you need. Just go to sleep when you wake up you'll be all better.” The man responded gently, shushing and rocking the girl to sleep. The sedative worked quickly and she was out in seconds.

“Thank you for saving my babygirl Keigo.” Twice thanked the winged man sincerely for once not splitting or contradicting himself.

“It's no problem! I hope the chicklet can safely recover from this.” Hawks answered solemnly. He was going to hug his fledglings so hard when he got home. They won't be leaving the nest for a while. He could feel his instincts beginning to go wild from seeing a nestling in so much danger.

“Oh she will. We’ll make her.”

===

When Ochaco awoke she found herself in a white padded room. There was no furniture, no bed, no color, nothing. Even she had been changed into a sterile white hospital gown. She couldn’t hear a sound aside from her own breathing.

“Oh…oh no.” She thought, this is her fault, this is what happens when you try to cross someone from the League. She tried to leave them and now they are going to destroy her.

At first she thought she could wait it out. Yes she did something…bad but surely they couldn’t be so cruel as to leave her on her own like this.

They are.

Nothing she did could get someone to come interact with her. She tried screaming, crying, pleading but no action received a response. Her meals arrived in the form of cold slop and water served randomly throughout the day when she was asleep. The tasteless mush does nothing quell the hunger in her stomach.

It hurts.

Soon she lost track of the days. There was no way to track it, meals came sporadically and the white lights never turned off. With nothing to focus on but the hunger in her stomach and the sound of her own breathing. Soon her mind began to blank; she would lose hours of the day doing nothing and thinking of nothing.

It was getting harder to think straight…her mind felt fuzzy.

Then came the doctor. Their face was a black void and their voice sounded staticy and unnatural; their body was vaguely humanoid and draped in white but if she stared too long her head would start to ache.

It didn't help. It didn't feel human.

Then the sessions began. It started simple enough: What was her name, her birthday, how she was feeling etc ect. But slowly it became more sinister for each question answered wrong and electric shock was sent through her collar.

“How many parents did you grow up with Ochaco?”

“Two.”

Shock

“Do you have any siblings my dear?”

“No.”

Shock

“What is your family name?”

“Uraraka.”

Shock

Eventually as the weeks began to blur together and the pain the shocks were starting to get stronger , the hunger, the burning white light became too much. She started to say the things they wanted to hear. She was starting to believe it too.

“Can you describe your family for me?”

“It’s just me, Daddy, and Himiko.”

“Good very good.”

“Can you describe the home you grew up in?”

“I have a big bedroom filled with a lot of toys, pink walls, and a crib. I have a big tv to watch cartoons and a lot of pretty decorations. And um…um… I can’t remember anywhere else.”

“That’s alright. I'm sure you’ll remember once you go back home. You're doing very well.”

“Do you go to school?”

“Daddy homeschools me.”

“That’s right.”

“Why are you here?”

“Why am I here? I can’t remember.”

“Oh sweetie, your family brought you here because of your memory problems. You were in a terrible accident and you've been having trouble remembering things ever since. I'm here to fix that and set your mind straight.”

It was harder for her to remember what's true and what's not. It was like whole chunks of her memories were being deleted and replaced. A fantasy carefully curated by her captors was taking over her mind.

The lapses of reality that break through the delusion hurt more than anything.

“What do you do when you see your family?”

“Smile!”

“How do you feel when you spend time with your daddy and big sister?”

“Happy!”

“Who do you want to see most when you finish treatment?”

“My mama!”

Shock

“I thought we discussed this Ochaco you don't have a mother.”

“I-i d-don't?”

“No, only a father and a sister.”

“Oh right… I guess I forgot. I’m sorry!”

“It’s alright sweet girl, you'll be back with them soon. You’re doing so well.”

===

Months… she thinks it's been months since she woke up in the white room. The doctor said it's time to go now. She's all better and it's time to go home. Her family will be picking her up soon. She’s trembling in anticipation waiting for their arrival. For some reason feels sick when she thinks of seeing her family. No that can’t be it, it must be excitement. She probably just forgot how happy she used to get to see them.

“Hi Daddy! Hi Himi-nii! I missed you!” Ochaco shouted as they walked through the door, wearing one of the bright happy smiles she practiced with the doctor.

“Oh baby I missed you so much. How are you doing? You're not having any more problems are you? We're so glad you're back!” Twice shouted as he scooped the girl into his arms and spun her around.

“No Daddy! I’m all better!” She said, letting out well rehearsed giggles as her dad spun her around.

“She took exceptionally well to the treatment. Ochaco, go ahead and show them what you learned.” The doctor ordered.

“Hi my name is Ochaco Bubaigawara! I live with my daddy and big sister Himiko. My favorite things in the whole wide world are my family and mochi! I like to spend my days playing with Himi-nii and waiting for daddy to come home. Speaking of home, I want to go back now please. This place wasn’t very fun.” Ochaco finished off her speech with puppy dog eyes.

“Of course Ochaco! We're going to have so much fun once we get home!” Toga responded joyfully, taking the girl from her dads arms.

“May I speak to you for a moment?” The doctor asked Jin.

“Of course! Whadaya want?”

“You’ll need to continue practicing the conditioning at home at least once a day for the next six months but other than that she should be good to go. The girl still has chances for relapse since she was only with me for a short amount of time. Usually the patients I take for permanent changes are with me for a year or more.”

“What! She can still go back to how she was before! What are we paying you for then?!”

“Sir my quirk is good but I'm not a miracle worker. You wanted her back as fast as possible so I did what I could within the six month period you gave me. I can’t remove huge portions of memory too quickly without ruining a person's individual personality. Unless you want me to keep her for another six months this is as good as it's going to get.”

“No, you're right, sorry. Fuck you! What do we need to do to make sure the changes stay permanent?”

“She still has some blanks in her memory that you’ll have to fill. Past events such as birthdays, friends, and general childhood I left blank for you to come up with. As long as you don’t trigger any major memories of her past within the next couple of months all changes should remain permanent. In the event of any past memories resurfacing so long as you bring her back to me quickly I can reverse the damage.”

“Alright, we can do that. We don’t want her to try to kill herself again! Thank you Doctor. Yeah thanks Doc!”

“No need to be so formal, call me V̸̠̌͗͒͂̑̅͌̕ö̷̥̮̥͓́̉̈́̿̅î̶̡̢̡̖͔͙̿d̸̛͇̗̰͙̋͗̃́. It was a pleasure doing business with you. ”

And with that they left the isolation ward. Ochaco in his arms reaching out to hold Himiko’s hand and smiling like she’s always been a part of the family. Their baby was back safe, sane, and happy as she should be. It took a while but their baby is finally all theirs.

===

Life has been so much fun ever since she got to come back home! She can’t believe she had forgotten all of it. It was a little bit hard at first to get back into the routine she used to have since she had forgotten all of it but her Daddy and big sister were a big help. Her day starts with daddy or Himi-nii waking her up, unlocking her crib and carrying her down to have breakfast either one feeding her or sometimes taking turns. She always has the yummiest treats for breakfast. Her daddy is a really good cook, her sister… not so much. Sometimes her Uncle Giri even teleports gourmet foods from all around the world just for her.

After breakfast Daddy runs a bath for her and nii-san, he always puts a little too much soap and they end up with a mountain of bubbles overflowing the tub. She gets to play with rubber bath toys while Himi-nii scrubs her clean and Daddy washes their hair. After that she is dressed in something cute and taken to school. After school she is allowed to do whatever she wants as long as someone is watching her. She’s not allowed to be alone but that doesn't matter; she loves spending time with all of her family.

She has eight aunts and uncles who love her very much, especially her uncle Keigo; he never lets her out of his sight when she comes over to play with the boys or lets her go near the windows. Whenever she tries to ask him about it he gets this sad look in his eyes and tells her it’s better if she doesn't know. She gets to visit them as much as she wants and is always allowed to come over to play with their kids.

She loves her cousins Shouto, Fumikage,and Nieto too, they are so much fun to play with and go to school with. Her daddy even said soon there will be more she will meet that they were just in treatment so she’ll meet them later. Tomu-chan said that his little brother should be out soon and he’ll be very excited to see her. Apparently they used to be close. She can’t really remember that though.

Though that doesn't matter much because today Himi-nii said that she and daddy have a surprise for her after dinner! She could hardly contain her excitement at dinner. She kept whining at Daddy to hurry up but of course that only made him chuckle and feed her slower. “Now don’t pout at me sweetpea, I wouldn't want my baby to get a tummy ache.” The man cooed teasingly. Soon enough dinner was finally over after what felt like hours, it was thirty minutes, and she was being carried back to her room. She was placed on her playmate and told to wait with Himiko while daddy went and got her present.

As Twice walked down the halls to the elevator he thought about how much progress his youngest daughter had made. Since coming home the girl hasn't fought or resisted even once she was their perfect little girl. While the treatment had been a bit harsh it was a necessary evil to get his princess to be happy and obedient.

She was so docile they even removed her collar though it had revealed a terrible accident. Sometime in the duration of her stay in the isolation ward her collar had malfunctioned. The electro shock mechanisms had failed and were discharging exorbitant amounts of voltage instead of what was only supposed to be a mild shock. It had left a line of lichtenberg scarring around her neck. They were devastated when they found out what had happened. They had basically tortured the poor girl without meaning to. They had to replace all of the kids' collars in case theirs failed too not to mention what Shigaraki did to the inventor of the faulty item… The wasn't much to clean up after he was done with him. They had to scrap the gift he and Himiko were planning on giving Ochaco for her good behavior. It had been a delicate gold chain with a gold heart shaped tracking pendant. It didn't cover the scars. They hurt too much to look at as it was their mistake that put them there. So they replaced it with a soft pink choker with a lace border and the same heart pendant from the original gift.

His daughter has been through a lot in her recovery. He hopes meeting with her new guard won't cause any regression to her progress. Meeting the rest of the league and the kids hadn’t had any affect on her memory. So as long Tenya keeps his mouth shut it should be fine. When the doors to the elevator opened there stood the boy. Huh at five o'clock on the dot well he couldn't say the brat wasn't punctual.

“You ready kid? Fuck up and your out!” The man spoke sternly as the boy walked into the elevator.

“Yes sir.” The boy dutifully.

“Alright. Now I don’t have to remind you what will happen if you mess with any of my little girls training do I? You won't ever see her again!”

“No sir, I will do my best to guard Ochaco and remain completely processional. Any personal feeling with no interfere with my duties.” Tenya responded stoically. He could do this. He has to. This was the only way to see his friends.

“Good. Fucking great!”

As the door opened he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. This is it Tenya was going to be reunited with one of his best friends after almost a year of being separated. He didn’t expect to be quite so horrified.

“You got me a new friend!” Ochaco squealed, eyes glittering as she looked at the new boy. He was tall with dark blue hair and glasses. He was wearing a cute collar similar to hers that said his name was Tenya. Something about that name felt familiar.

“He’s your new guard honey. Hehe or guard dog like Shiggy said! He’s going to be watching over you now. All day everyday! When you want to wander the mansion or go play with your cousins he will be by your side protecting you. More like watching you like a hawk! Do you want to say hi?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Ochaco responded, jumping up and down giggling before running over to Iida.

“Hi my name is Ochaco Bubaigawara! But you can call me Ochaco since my last name is soooo long! It's so nice to meet you! We don’t get many new people here. I hope we can become best friends!” The girl spoke cheerfully, eyes focused on him but not recognizing the boy.

“Hello my name is Tenya Iida. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Tenya lowered himself into a bow. He had to fight his emotions to keep his voice steady and the horrified expression off his face.

She didn't remember him?!

Why didn't she remember?

What did they do?

He let this happen. While he was off training with these monsters they did this to his friend. Where is the headstrong girl who fought Bakugo until she couldn't stand. Why was she acting like a meek docile pet looking up at its master for affection?

“I am at your service, your wish is my command.” He said bowing and extending his hand out to hers.

“I order you to be my friend!” Ochaco giggled as she put his hand in hers.

“As you wish, my princess” Tenya answered, face stoic despite the internal battle going through his head.

I won’t stand for this. I’ll get you out of here and I’ll fix what they have done. I promise I'll save you. I won't leave you here alone, not ever again. I'm so sorry I couldn't have been there for you sooner.

Start/Previous/Next

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aita-blorbos · 7 months

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AITA for keeping a secret from my best friend?

I (28?M) and my best friend (28M) have been very close for years, to the point where when I left our somewhat insular hometown to work as a teacher, he came with me in a supporting role as a freelance engineer (my friend is not correctly certified to work with children himself). However, recently we have been having some issues and I am wondering if I am the asshole in this situation.

honestly it began when I took a fourth student as my apprentice without telling him beforehand, but it was kind of an emergency situation and I really felt for her. In hindsight, allowing them to encounter each other before I could introduce him was probably a mistake. Due to our shared somewhat unique circumstances, this new apprentice (call her C) is not exactly supposed to be apprenticed to me, but I appealed to my superiors and was granted an exception for her case. Since that week was really quite hectic (I am the primary caregiver for four pre-teens) I also neglected to mention this to my best friend.

however, C’s circumstances mean that she is a target for a certain gang that is notorious for being incredibly secretive and violent. During an attack, my best friend had to restrain me from pursuing one of the attackers, which I am very thankful for, but I suspect this incident has given him a flawed view of my reasons for taking in C and my motivations in our subsequent argument.

I had to receive medical attention after the attack, during which my friend discovered the existence of this secret.

I must preface this by saying that my secret is very connected to this gang, which held me for a period of time in my childhood, and has injured me before. My secret also, if looked at in the wrong light, implies a motivating factor towards treason, and the arbiters of justice on this particular act are the ‘Move First, Ask Questions Never’ type. My best friend, in his supporting role, reports directly to this group, so if he is implicated I am afraid for his safety.

Despite this, my best friend confronted me about this secret, and was angry with me for not telling him beforehand, even though he could (and most likely would) be seen as a coconspirator if he had known. Admittedly, we have a sort of pact not to keep secrets from each other: I did not think this pact extended to treason. He disagrees and thinks I should have told him anyways so that he could support me.

I have removed the memory of this confrontation from his mind (the act of which is also treason, but not one which he can be implicated in, thankfully) but the issue with my secret is that with time it will become more difficult to keep, although I do intend to.

So, tldr: AITA for keeping a secret so that my best friend will not be implicated in treason and have his entire memory wiped by our force of justice?

#AITA #am i the asshole #unreality #memory alteration

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thecouncilofidiots · 16 hours

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Lowkey freaking the fuck out???

The memories are either missing or not right and I know I should be used to this I should be used to this but it's still jarring as fuck and I'm scrambling and doubting my perception of reality and the truths of our existence and just AAHHH

It's not even a distressing memory, at least those I know the others purposely keep from me, I can accept that, but something simple and mundane and what is real on a day-to-day level??? Is it real? What is the truth? Why are my memories off?? -Ace

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pearl484-blog · 1 year

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On Memory Transfers

A lot of stories have the common trope of having character [A] get the memories of character [B] and begin acting completely like them. Here’s the thing though. It doesn’t have to be that way. Think of a memory like watching a movie, and your recollection of it is like having a PoV of watching that movie. With a Slasher film, one person watching the film may be horrified at this senseless violence and wonder what kind of monster makes jokes as he’s mowing down innocent victims as they beg for their lives. Another person may be wowed at the amazing effects, and really hate the constant cut aways to some lame-brain jokes he’s heard a million times before, and another may be rooting for the bad guy to win to fulfill that sweet, sweet carnage of theirs.

Now, you could argue that memories do carry emotional connotations, kinda like when you remember a nightmare, you’re terrified, but in that same vein, when you talk about it to someone (ie describe it so a different, calmer version of you can hear it) it is completely different. You can also see these when comparing things you’ve experienced to something you experienced as a child. Child you may have been terrifed they’ll get sucked down the drain, but older you won’t experience that fear even if you encounter a weird sucky thing you don’t recognize later because you know you won’t fit. This is just a long way to say that even if one character has the memories of another, don’t be surprised if their personalities, tastes, and general tendancies stay true to who they originally are, even if the character thinks it should be different. This can lead to a bit of drama and frustration too as the character is not going to miss the fact that their absolute favorite treat is just meh, or if they’d rather do anything else instead of their favorite hobby. It can be very frustrating trying to rediscover your likes and dislikes when you realize that your perceptions about yourself are wrong, and I’d imagine you can use that in a lot of ways in stories.

#memories #memory alteration #brainwashing #memory transfer

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lunaeverywhere · 3 months

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Stained Glass

You are a piece of your Goddess's art. You have been warped and changed by Her so much over the time you've been Hers, you can hardly even tell how much time it's been. She tells you you're Her magnum opus. A lovely piece of handcrafted beauty. And She's going to show you.

She places Her hand on your forehead and fills you with Her light. The familiar sensation of cleansing warmth fills you as Her power takes you to its fullest extent. You find your senses shifting to inside your own mind as your awareness of her shrine chambers vanishes.

The mindscape is a gallery, depicting your finest moments with Her, and She is beside you. She shows you the paintings and sculptures, some of moments you recall, some you do not but still feel certain that they happened. Some you know happened, and She bid you to not remember.

She leads you down the twisting halls of the gallery, from joyous moments to solemn to intense and terrifying. All of your time with Her. You cherish them all equally. Leading you deeper into the museum, you find yourself at a huge door. She tells you this is your destination.

She waves her hand and the door opens before you, a chamber, the only light from flickering candles placed opposite an enormous stained glass window, the colors, deep crimsons and ocean blues and sunlit yellows, and the colors of their mixtures, tinting the room in shifting ways.

She guides you down the chamber, seeing the mosaic of your past life before Her. Lost, afraid, alone. Worse. She tells you that this mosaic is also any chance remaining at freedom from Her, should you ever wish it. It's an integral part of your mind, a reflection of your soul.

She approaches the mosaic, and Her light materializes behind it, the full beauty of your freedom clear to you as light like the morning sun changes the hues and shades. She floats over to the side of the window, a small case you're just now noticing. It clicks as She unlocks it.

She reaches inside. Before you can register what She is doing, She swings a large hammer, itself shining, Her light reflecting off its polished metals, directly into the window, shattering the pieces. She continues to smash, chipping away every shard until no whole panes remain.

With each strike you feel it in your head, the first blow crumpling you to your knees, the second doubled over on the floor. Soon you are in tears, screaming in pain, clutching your head. By the time the panes are crushed to fine powder, you are curled up, simply sobbing.

She floats next to you. Tells you that you are Hers forever. You risk a glance up. She waves her hand in the direction of the wreckage, her face stone and grim. The shards of glass float into the air, forming new shapes and colors. The mural of freedom has now changed totally.

Instead, it shows your old life. An acolyte of Her. Kneeling, hoping, yearning, that one day you could gain your Goddess's favor. Self-shackled before She said a word to you. And now you're Hers. She helps you to your feet. You can barely stand, but you do it for Her.

She starts to escort you out of the museum, you following her in a haze brought on by the aftermath of the pain, punch-drunk to your very soul. As you return to the world, dazy, spacy, and with aftershocks of mental pain, you think of your new past, and to your bright future.

#impact kink #hierophilia #religion kink #empty spaces #memory alteration

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earth-ambassador-jim · 1 year

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Lost Souls: Story 12

Plume Moths

Lost Souls Summary: Merlin awakens early from his sleep. He decides that he doesn’t want to leaving anything to chance and kidnaps the young James Lake Jr. to began training his Trollhunter as early as possible.

Barbara is determined to hunt down the man who kidnapped her son. In her efforts to get her son back she finds a strange old radio that speaks to her in a woman’s voice. The radio leads her to an underground society of shapeshifters.

Mother and son meet again years later as strangers on opposing sides.

AO3 - Fanfiction

~~~~

Darci wasn’t supposed to answer the door, but her Mom was on the phone and she was right by it when the bell rang. She hazarded a glance into the kitchen and saw that her mom hadn’t heard.

She contemplated the situation for a moment and decided it would be fine. Her mom could see her from where she was and Darci was eight now.

She checked to make sure the porch light was on and then pulled the door open, letting in a breath of cold night air.

She stared in bafflement at their visitor. Standing outside, alone, in the rain, was a boy about her age. He was in a dirty, too large t-shirt. His straight black hair -cut rather unevenly as if whoever had cut it didn’t really know what they were doing- was wet and plastered against his head and neck. His skin was pale, not just because he was white, but as if he had never seen the sun.

He stared at her with wide blue eyes.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“…I’m Darci,” She said uncertainly.

“But I mean… why are you here?” He shifted from one foot to another and took a quick glance back before fixing his eyes on her again.

“…This is my house?” She really didn’t know what he wanted.

“But… but… this is my…” He trailed off, looking around once more uncertainly. “Do you know where my Mom is?”

“Your mom?”

“Barbara Lake. She lives… lived here?”

“She must have moved,” Darci offered. “It’s just me and Mom and Dad here.”

“Oh,” The boy said quietly.

His lip quivered and water welled up in the corners of his eyes.

Darci frowned. She didn’t like people crying. She was never quite sure what she was supposed to do.

“Maybe, Mom could…”

“That won’t be necessary.”

Both Darci and the boy jumped in surprise at the new voice. A tall grey haired man had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, behind him. He was wearing an absolutely obnoxious Hawaiian print shirt with plaid shorts and sandals but something about him, something in his sharp, hawk like gaze made Darci wary.

“Merlin…” The boy started to say, but then quieted when the man shot him a look.

“Who are you talking to?” Darci jumped again at her mom’s voice behind her.

She glanced back and saw that her Mom was frowning at the strange pair in front of her.

“I thought I told you not to answer the door without me.”

“Sorry, mom,” She said automatically.

She wasn’t really paying attention to her Mom but rather watching the boy. The man… Merlin?... His hands rested on the boy’s shoulders and he seemed to tense under them. He looked as if he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be.

“Sorry, ma’am,” The man was saying. “My grandson was looking for his Mom who used to live here. -He came to live with me during the divorce, you see- I did try and tell him that she had moved but well…”

Darci’s Mom frowned.

“Sorry to hear that. Was she Mrs. Lake? I think we still have her contact info…”

“Quite alright,” Merlin interrupted. “No need to trouble yourself. Boy, tell this lady you’re sorry for disturbing her.”

The last comment was accompanied by a squeeze of his hands. The boy kept staring at the ground and muttered ‘sorry’.

Something was wrong here.

“What’s your name?” Darci asked the boy.

His head jerked up and he stared at her in surprise.

“Oh, it’s…”

“Come along,” Merlin said sharply, cutting him off. “We need to hurry if we’re to make it to our hotel in time to check in.”

He turned away taking the boy with him.

“I don’t like that,” Darci heard her Mom murmur.

As Darci watched the two figures move out of sight, something small and white detached from the taller of the two. The things came closer and she saw that they were two little white moths.

One of them landed on her Mom and the other tried to land on her. She dodged it. It followed her. She darted away from it toward the kitchen. Behind her she heard the door close.

In the kitchen Darci turned around and saw the moth still following her. Beside her was a water glass. She grabbed it and brought it down over the small insect.

“What are you doing?”

Darci glanced up at her Mom.

“I caught a moth.”

“Oh, why don’t you take it outside?” Her mom turned toward the stove and her casserole.

“You’ve got one on you,”Darci told her, pointing at her Mom’s shoulder.

She blinked and glanced down at it before swatting at it with her hand. It fluttered away to the window and squeezed out through a little crack between the screen and the sill.

“Annoying creatures,” She said. “I should make sure none have gotten into the closet.”

Darci turned back to her captive moth and studied it. It was a strange looking little thing. It was a pure, chalky, white with wings shaped like downy feathers and a long thin body. She got a piece of paper and slid it under the glass so she could pick it up without it escaping. She started toward the window.

“Do you think that boy was the one who used to live here right before us?” Darci asked her Mom.

Her Mom looked at her with a puzzled frown.

“What boy?”

~~~~

The events of that night haunted her all week. Darci tried to get her Mom to say anything about the strange man and boy who had come by their house, but she didn’t seem to remember a thing. She asked her Dad about Barbara Lake but he had only met her in passing and didn’t remember if she had any children or not. When he asked why she wanted to know she changed the subject. Darci was starting to wonder if she had just imagined the meeting. She kept the strange moth in a cage by her bed. It was her only proof that the whole thing was real.

It wasn’t until Friday when something finally came of the incident.

~~~~

“Do I have to come?” Darci whined.

Her Mom took the bread out of the oven.

“Yes, dear. We won’t be there long and it will be good for you to get to know our neighbors.”

Darci heaved a large sigh. She glanced at her Dad, who was busy fumbling with his tie. When he noticed her stare, she gave him a pleading look. He gave her a rye “we’re all in this together smile” and went back to his tie. Darci turned back toward her Mom.

“But Toby’s so boring! He just ignores me when I come over.”

“That’s because he’s shy.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. That’s what adults always said about loners. She had tried her hardest but Toby’s actions made it very clear he just plain wasn’t interested in being friends.

After dinner finished up and Toby and Darci were told to go off and play while the adults chatted.

Once in Toby’s room they had split off to play games on their phones and ignore one another. After about a half hour Darci ran out of lives so she took a break and looked around the room.

It was a rather dull place in her opinion: Nowhere near as cluttered as her room. It had bare wooden floors, a few scattered posters, an old computer, and a large wooden dollhouse. The only interesting thing in the room was the collection of rocks and crystals that spread across every available ledge. Eventually her gaze was drawn to a picture on the desk. It was of Toby with a black haired, blue eyed boy. A very familiar looking boy.

Darci stared at the picture.

“Who’s that?” She demanded.

Toby blinked at her and then briefly eyed the picture. His gaze quickly returned to his phone.

“That’s Jim,” He said quietly. “He used to be my… neighbor.”

“Is his Mom’s name Barbara Lake?”

Toby turned fully toward her with a frown.

“How did you know that?” He asked.

“I saw him last week,” Darci said excitedly. She was so glad to finally have some confirmation that she hadn’t imagined the entire thing! “He came to our house and said he was looking for his Mom.”

Toby was staring at her.

“What.”

“Yeah, he was with this weird old guy who said he was his Grandpa.”

“Jim didn’t have a grandpa,” Toby said quickly.

“Well he never called him “Grandpa” He called him “Merlin”.”

“Like the wizard?”

Darci nodded.

Toby’s nose wrinkled and his eyes narrowed.

“Quit lying,” He said and turned sharply away from her.

Darci stared at him in opened mouth shock at the sudden accusation.

“I’m not lying.”

She had always prided herself on being quite honest in fact.

“Yes you are,” Toby said. “Jim’s been missing for two years now. He’s probably dead. I heard the police talking about it.”

That was news to Darci.

“He’s missing?”

“Yeah, that is what I said,” was Toby’s clipped reply.

Darci frowned. She remembered the way Merlin had been holding onto Jim’s shoulders. It was like he thought the boy would try to escape.

“Do they know he’s dead for sure?”

“No…”

That must have been why Jim was at the house. He must have gotten away from his kidnapper and tried to return to his Mom…

Only to find out that she had moved.

“So what if that really was him,” Darci insisted. “Why would he say his Mom was Barbara Lake otherwise?”

Toby said determinedly looked away from her. “Maybe because this is a stupid prank that someone put you up to?”

Darci folded her arms in irritation.

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

“Oh I don’t know.” Toby finally looked at her. His fists were clenched and his brows were low. “Because I’m not dumb. I mean “Merlin”? Really? You should try to make up a better story than that.”

“I am not making it up.”

“Are too!” Toby snapped getting to his feet.

“Am not!” Darci took a step forward, her own fists clenching.

“Are TOO!”

“Am NOT!”

There was a pause. They were practically nose to nose now. Apparently it struck them both at the same time just how ridiculous they were being and they took a step apart.

“So what would it take to convince you?” Darci asked.

Toby huffed.

“I don’t know… actual proof?”

Darci hesitated and then decided to go for it.

“As they were leaving something strange happened,” Darci said hesitantly.

She described to him what had happened with the moths and her Mom.

Toby was now looking at her like she was crazy. Darci could feel her face burning.

“I still have the moth,” She said.

Toby made a little scoffing sound.

“What’s a moth prove?” He asked. “There’s moths everywhere. And seriously make up a better story.”

Darci ignored the jab. She was tired of the whole thing. “Take it or leave it.”

“Fine, I’ll come see your moth and if I’m not convinced will you leave me alone?”

“I will,” Darci said easily.

It wasn’t like she would want to hang out with him anyway if he kept insisting that she was lying. She got why, but it still stung.

~~~~

It was a nice sunny Saturday when Toby came over. It had now been about two weeks since the incident.

“Let’s see your bug,” Toby said in a surly tone.

Darci shot him an annoyed look. She was seriously rethinking her choice in telling him but… he was her best bet for finding someone to believe her. She didn’t know many people yet and wasn’t ready to risk any of her new friendships at school.

“Come on.” She motioned for him to follow her up the stairs and turned right to go into her bedroom. Once inside she turned back to see Toby hovering in the hallway, brows furrowed and posture tense.

“Well?”

Toby blinked and then came into the room with on quick jerky step.

“Let’s get this over with,” He said eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

Darci picked up the small plastic cage; noting with an uncomfortable jolt that the moth stayed as close to her hands as possible.

“Here.” She handed the cage to Toby and wiped her hands on her pants.

“It’s certainly a weird looking thing,” Toby said after a moment.

“I looked online and found out that it’s a White Plume Moth,” Darci said. “They’re from Europe and North Africa.”

Toby hummed.

“Doesn’t prove anything,” He said, turning the cage around in his hands.

“Look at how it follows me,” Darci said.

She moved closer to the cage and the moth began fluttering against the plastic closest to her. She circled and the moth trailed after.

“Okay. That is a little weird,” Toby admitted after trying to get the moth to follow his own hand with no success.

“Right? Based on what happened with the other moth and Mom, I think if it touches me I will forget about meeting Jim.”

Toby’s nose wrinkled and he shot her a skeptical look.

“It’s weird but it doesn’t prove anything. Here.” He held it out toward Darci.

Unfortunately when he took a step forward his foot landed on Darci’s gunrobot toy and he slipped. The cage flew out of his hands and hit the ground causing the top to pop off. Now free of the cage, the moth started flying toward Darci.

“Nope. No. “-Darci jumped out of the way.- “Absolutely not.” -She took a swing at it with a book and missed. It was unusually agile for a moth.- “Not today.”

She was feeling a lot more certain of her theory now.

“Quit standing there and get it!” Darci yelled at Toby who was standing there watching dumbly as the moth chased Darci all over her room like she was a giant lightbulb instead of a girl.

“Uh…”

Toby grabbed a shoe and brought it down on the little white insect as it fluttered past.

There was a flash of light and a puff of green smoke.

Darci and Toby stared with wide eyes at the shoe and then at each other. Slowly Toby lifted the shoe away. The moth was flattened; its insides splattered on Darci’s desk. In the middle of the mess was a very small green gem, about the size of a grain of rice. It was glowing faintly.

As they watched its light flickered and died.

Toby grabbed a pencil and poked at it.

“I think it’s an emerald,” He said. “But emeralds don’t glow. Where did it come from?”

“Maybe it was in the moth?”

Darci was shaking. It was one thing to suspect that there was something weird going on but this… this was freaky. And not in a good way. The thought that there really existed something that could remove memories –that she would have never known if it had been used on her- was very, very unsettling.

“Do you believe me now?” She asked.

Toby nodded wordlessly.

After a moment his gaze shifted up from the remains of the moth to her. They were wide and shiny.

“S-so you were telling the truth? You really saw Jim? He came here?”

Darci blinked, a brief rush of warmth coursed through her before cooling into a cold shiver at the memory.

“Yeah,” She said looking away. “I think so.”

“Was… Did he look okay?”

Darci grimaced and focused her eyes on the moth. She really didn’t want to answer that question.

“Darci?”

She jumped when she felt a hand touch her arm.

“Sorry,” Toby said quickly.

He clasped his hands together so hard that the knuckles where turning white.

“Please?”

Darci sighed.

“He looked scared,” She said finally. “He wasn’t hurt but he was all raggedy like a homeless person. He only had time to ask about his Mom before Merlin showed up.”

“Oh.”

Toby was shaking. He let out a loud sniff and then sat down heavily on the floor. He hiccupped and then, to Darci’s horror, he burst into tears.

Darci glanced at the door and then at Toby. Her hands stayed uncertainly at her side and then, after another long moment of hesitation, she knelt down by him and patted his back.

“Are… are you okay?”

“He’s alive,” Toby managed to whisper out between sobs. “I thought…”

He twisted around and latched onto Darci in a hug.

“Thank you.” He said. “I’m sorry for calling you a liar.”

“I forgive you.”

Eventually Toby’s tears petered off and he pulled away from her. They sat for a moment in awkward silence.

“So what now?” Darci asked.

“I don’t know,” Toby said. “Your Dad’s a detective right? Maybe he can help.”

“I’m not sure,” She said.

She thought of the moth taking her Mom’s memories. What if she got her Dad involved and this Merlin guy got mad. What if he made him forget more than just Jim? Besides…

“I doubt he will believe me. My only proof is rather flat now.”

She gave a meaningful glance at the table.

Toby flushed.

“Sorry about that.”

Darci waved her hand dismissively.

“Don’t be. I’ll sleep better without that creepy bug watching me.”

They sat a moment. Toby pulled out a couple Nugget Nummies and offered her one. She accepted and they ate them in thoughtful silence.

“So going to the grown-ups is out of the question,” Toby finally said. “I guess it’s just us then?” He paused eyes widening. “I… I mean me. You don’t have to help. It’s enough that you found out he’s still alive. I wouldn’t dream of…”

“I’m helping,” Darci said firmly.

“But you don’t even know Jim.”

“Yeah, but it’s the right thing to do,” Darci said. She couldn’t drive those sad, lonely blue eyes out of her mind. “Anyway this is definitely the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“That’s for sure,” Toby muttered. “And here I had just stopped believing in fairies and stuff. So where do you think we should start?”

Darci shrugged. Despite her Dad being a cop she had never been that into mysteries. She glanced at the flattened moth.

“I guess we could start doing research on Merlin?”

Toby frowned following her gaze.

“Do you think he really was the Merlin?”

“No idea,” Darci said. “But it’s as good a place to start as any.”

“I suppose. Do you want to meet at my house tomorrow?” Toby said. His gaze was alternating between her and the ground.

“I’ll have to ask my Mom and Dad but I think that sounds good.”

“O-Okay…”

Toby started edging toward the door.

“I’ll see you then?”

“Yep.”

Toby darted quickly out of the room and a minute later Darci heard the front door open and close.

She looked out the window and saw Toby trotting across the street. Once he was out of sight, she walked across the room and collapsed onto her bed.

What was she getting herself into?

~~~~

Author Notes:

Alternate scene: Darci *opens the door* Jim *standing in the rain looking like the ghost of a murdered Victorian child* -"HavE yOu SeEn mY MötHEr?" Darci: ... Darci: Nope *Slams the door closed* ~~~~ Anyway this was supposed to be a short chapter but then Darci and Toby started arguing.

Plume Moths being able to take away memories was borrowed from the "Dark is Rising" sequence, though it was used very differently there. I'm going to say Merlin added his own twist. (Also go check out The Dark is Rising. It's a good series.)

Please let me know what you think! (Reviews, critiques, and comments give me as a writer power and motivation!)

Tune in next time for the appearance of our favorite punk wizard.

#Trollhunters #Tales of Arcadia #Trollhunters fanfiction #Lost Souls #Child Champion AU #Jim Lake Jr #Darci Scott #Toby Domzalski #tobias domzalski #james lake jr #TOA Merlin #Magic #memory alteration #my writing #my posts #This takes place right before Merlin make Jim into a half-troll #He wanted to see his mom one last time #before the change

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lifeflowingon · 1 year

Text

| FRACTURED 1 |

Summary: After a traumatic accident, you wake up with memories of a life, everyone around you denies you ever lived.

Pairing: Jungkook x female reader

Warnings: Angst, crime, mystery, kinda strangers to lovers.

A/N: This is clearly inspired by "Our Time" by @taestefully-in-luv Since I couldn't take it out of my head, I wrote this homage.

||||

FEVER DREAM

You were printing the remaining documents wishing for the machine to hurry up already, so you could drop them at court and finally go home.

"Still here?" asked Captain Min, peeking through the door of your small office.

"Yeah, I want to take this there today so they'll get the documents to check first thing tomorrow morning. I want her out of questioning and out of the city as fast as possible.

"Quite a complicated case though" he replied "I'm not sure they'll let you represent her as usual. Her statement could save tons of lives"

"I know, but I gotta try" reaching for the latest paper you started to organize them in a binder, already full of evidence "We are talking about girls and women Yoongi. I need them to give me the green light so I can work on getting the full statement to represent her in court. She doesn't need to go through this twice, that's why I work here, it's my job.

"I know, I'm just saying is unlikely"

In a somber mood, you checked your watch and realized you have wasted precious time talking.

"Gotta go If I want to make it on time. See you tomorrow captain" you said mischievously while squeezing through the door in a rush.

"See ya, victims advocate" replicated Yoongi laughing heartily.

Still laughing you left the precinct making sure to say goodbye to the new security guy and strutted across the streets trying to reach court in time.

||||

"Star... Star can you hear me?"

Blinking, you tried to remember where were you, but you couldn't. The last thing you recalled was walking to the local courthouse, but all was fuzzy before and after.

"Star, are you okay?"

Shaking your head you focused on the voice that was talking and groaned. Your head was pulsating and your throat was sore.

"Her pulse is fine," said another voice "And she is waking up now, I'll come back later to see how she continues but she should be okay now".

"Good, thanks doc. I'll take it from here".

Finally being able to focus you realized you were laying on a bed in what you supposed was a hospital room. But the place looked small and shabby.

"Where am I?"

"You scared us for a second Star," the man sitting in a chair right against her bed said, "When we took you out of the water we thought we had lost you".

Water? So you did have an accident... but you were nowhere near the water, your town isn't close to it.

"Do you remember, right?" the man looked around searching for someone, but they were alone in the room now.

"I-I... the last I remember is getting out of work and-"

"Yes, thank god, we were going out of work" The man looked relieved you were both on the same page "Since the accident, you have been having memory problems and I didn't know if you were going to wake up this time knowing us or not".

"Memory problems? I-I that can't be. I remember my life fairly well, how could I have lost it..."

"Star, you've been here for a few weeks, and every time you wake up you look more and more confused. The doctor said it was expected since, well lack of oxygen could lead to memory trouble".

"But I don't have amnesia!" you screamed stressed, your head was palpitating and you couldn't breathe well "I know who I am, and my fucking name is not Star!"

Apologetically, the man sighed and got up from the chair.

"This been going on for a while, I-I need to take a break," he said looking defeated.

Trying to calm your beating heart, you looked around and strained your ear to hear noises from outside, but it was silent.

You felt tempted to get up and look out the window but before you could do that, the door opened again and a different man entered the room.

"Star!" he exclaimed. His mop of hair bounced, as he hurriedly made his way to you, once he saw you were conscious "You’re awake!"

"Don't get your hopes up" said the first man appearing again and leaning in the door's lintel "She doesn't remember us".

"W-What?" the doe eyes of the second man looked impossibly big "Baby, you don't remember me?" He said with a pout while grabbing your hand.

"I-I what? Baby?" Retiring your hand from his grasp you put it over your heart. It was beating like crazy "I'm sorry, I don't know you".

"Oh. I see" replied the man, looking disappointed.

"Look I just wanna go home. Can I do that? Can I leave?"

"Sure. I'll take you home".

"Not yet," said the first man, now entering the room and sitting next to the bed again "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I already told you," you said, exasperated "I finished printing the paperwork at my work, I said goodbye to my boss, and was on my way to drop some documents at court. I don't remember anything else after that. Besides walking on the street, I mean."

"What should we do hyung?" asked the guy with the wavy hair. He looked defeated.

Sighing, the older man straightened his back and made eye contact with you.

"Ok. We'll have to believe something happened with your brain - as the doctor said - because what you just told us makes no sense".

"What do you mean?" You whispered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

"First of all, my name is Kim Namjoon and I'm the spokesperson of the village we are in".

"More like a leader, hyung"

"Whatever you want to call it, I'm the voice and face inside and outside of here".

"Ok".

"We know you by the name of Star and you've lived in this place for as long as I can remember..."

"That, that can't be... how?" Confused you looked around the room again. You were sure of who you were, but this made no sense "My name isn't Star is y/n, and I work at the 4th precinct downtown".

"Downtown? Where?" Kim Namjoon asked, looking exasperated "We live on an island. The only way out of here is by boat or by car. By boat is closer, hence why we always use it. Driving takes at least 12 hours to get us out the forest and out of the island".

Astonished, you remained silent.

"You've lived here since your parents died and my father heard of their passing. I'm not sure how they knew each other, but he brought you here and raised you as his own. I remember being childish while he tried to explain it to me, saying the only other option was an orphanage..."

"My parents aren't dead! They live across the country!" You yelled furiously. You knew this story wasn't real, it couldn't be. You remembered everything. "I don't know who you think you are, but I'm going home. I can't listen to any more nonsense".

Sighing, both men looked at each other.

"Fine. First thing tomorrow morning, I'll take you wherever you want to go. But hear me out Star" you could only roll your eyes at the constant use of a name it wasn't yours "I am not leaving you there. It could be dangerous, you'll realize you are confused and have nowhere to go. And when you see that and you'll see it, you'll have to come back with me. I won't put you in unnecessary danger".

"Don't worry Kim Namjoon, everything will be fine" she said defiantly "I'll be sleeping in my bed tomorrow night".

"Sure thing. Wanna sleep here tonight or in your house?"

"I have a house?"

"Yes Star, you have a house" he deadpanned.

||||

Hope you like it! Let me know what you think :)

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razzle-zazzle · 2 years

Text

Whumptober Day 09: The very noisy night

Caught in a storm

1785 Words; The River Runs Deep

TW for memory alteration, discussions of trauma

AO3 ver

Augustus can remember his mother faintly. Can hear her voice in remembered snatches of conversations; can remember the way she’d hold him when he was small and scared by the noises in the night.

He cannot remember her face.

Augustus has seen the photos of his mother, the ones his aunt keeps tucked away in their small album. Has seen her in pictures of the protests, taken from newspapers. Logically, he knows that the woman in the photos is his mother. Knows that that was what she looked like.

And yet.

There is a barrier in his mind, concerning Marona. When he tries to connect the face in the photos to memories of his mother’s voice, when he tries to recall her face as the one who raised him as a child, when he tries to envision her as she must have been when she was alive—

He sees his aunt’s face, instead.

And then he forgets his mother’s face, until he pulls out the album and looks through the photos again.

He can barely remember the man who did this. Can’t even trust that it was a man who found him in the orphanage and brought him to his aunt, who convinced the two of them that they were mother and son.

Augustus wishes he did, sometimes. At least then he’d have someone to blame.

(He thinks he fears the knowledge more, sometimes.)

+=+=+=+=+

Lucrecia does not remember how, exactly, the clouds broke.

She knows when—

(“Leave my son alone! He’s still a child!”

But they wouldn’t. Wouldn’t leave her and Gussy alone, wouldn’t stop following, watching, waiting. What they wanted was in reach, and they don’t know how to give up.)

But the how, exactly, escapes her.

(A rage she didn’t remember she had had risen up in her like bitter poison. She wanted to deny these bastard’s accusations, wanted to be anything but what they were so certain she was.

But the water knew.

The Deluginists had been right.

The clouds broke.)

In some ways, Lucrecia is grateful for their breaking. She wonders, had they remained, if she would have continued to live in fear of the water. If she would have continued to fear the psychic power running through her, through Augustus.

The knowledge of her part in the Deluge, of her actions as Maligula—it weighs heavy on her bones. Her sister’s body, broken and bloated in the water, haunts her nightmares.

(In some ways, she thinks she may deserve that hurt. The consequences of her actions should weigh heavy on her shoulders.)

In most ways, Lucrecia wishes she never remembered. The clouds broke, but the fog did not. She knows her crimes, knows her sister—

But she does not remember much else.

+=+=+=+=+

In many ways, his life is defined by the Deluge; cut into a Before and an After. It is like a river in the landscape of his life, deep and dark.

Augustus can scarcely remember the Before. If the Deluge is a river cutting through the landscape, wide and deep and uncrossable, then the Before is the distant shore he can faintly make out. Details peek out through the fog, elusive and incomplete.

There is no light that can pierce that fog, he thinks. No light can reach across the divide and restore his broken memories.

Augustus knows that the past cannot be changed. He knows that he can only move forwards, away from the fog and the river that define so much of his life.

The past cannot be changed.

Even though Augustus knows little of it.

+=+=+=+=+

Maligula is a war criminal.

Lucrecia knows that she should stand trial for her crimes. That hiding away under the guise of being dead, that presenting herself as her sister—the sister she murdered—is a cowardly way to live.

But it is human to fear. And she fears, very much, what would happen to her nephew were she to stand before the world on trial.

(She is loathe to admit it, but she fears what will happen to herself more.)

Gussy is growing into a young man now. The shadow of the Deluginists still hangs over them, fear clinging to every shadow. Lucrecia does not want to give him up, not for anything.

Maybe it is selfish, to want to watch her nephew continue to grow. Maybe it is selfish, to take the motherhood that her sister will never be able to hold again—

And maybe it is what she owes to Marona. Maybe it is the responsibility she inherited from her sister, and it’s only right for Lucrecia to step up and fill the role.

Maybe it’s both.

Whether it is selfish or not, Lucrecia will continue to watch over her nephew. Continue to hide away her crimes from the world.

It is made easy, in some ways. People will see her and Augustus traveling together, and assume they are mother and son. The world thinks Maligula dead—vanquished—by a group of powerful psychics.

(Lucrecia does not remember the battle. Does not remember the aftermath. The Deluginists claimed it an agent of theirs, who hid her away. And who is she to doubt them, when all she knows of her supposed opponents—when all that the records will tell her—is that they fought her as Maligula and won?

She is not lying, when she says the Aquatos have many enemies. The thought of being found by these “Psychonauts” scares her as much as being found by the Deluginists.)

The world thinks Maligula is dead. That the Water Witch will never return.

Oh, how Lucrecia wishes that was true.

+=+=+=+=+

His life is defined by the Deluge; cut into a Before and an After. The Before remains nebulous and clouded, the details blurring together or gone entirely.

The After can be cut into further parts. Can be cut into its own Befores and Afters. Before the clouds broke. After the Deluginists. Before meeting Donatella. After the proposal.

Augustus supposes that in some ways, the Before does not matter. His mother is dead, and remembering her will not help protect his family as it is now. Being able to put her face into his memories will not keep his family—keep his aunt—hidden from Deluginists.

Augustus can only move forwards.

It’s hard, sometimes. The fear is overwhelming, some nights, swirling around him until he cannot breathe. Deluginists will forever be after his aunt, forever trying to find her whether they know she’s alive or not. It is a curse that follows them, a curse that will never stop following them—

The storm rattles the windows of their caravan. Augustus braces himself against the wall, and shakes.

“Oh, mio caro,” It is here that Donatella finds him, shaking in the storm.

Augustus is not entirely sure he deserves Donatella. That she still sticks by him, even when he told her of his curse and his aunt’s past—

He is a very lucky man, he knows. And when she takes him in her arms and whispers reassurances into his skin, he holds her back just as tightly.

She cannot break the curse or fix his memories. She does not need to, for him to love her as fiercely as he does.

The past cannot be changed. Augustus can only move forwards.

Having both Lucrecia and Donatella makes it easier, in many ways.

+=+=+=+=+

Lucrecia knows the water. The water knows her.

The Aquatos used to have a full repertoire of aquatic tricks at their disposal. Those tricks have been put away for years, now, too dangerous to use.

A traveling circus thrives off of attention, yes. Thrives off of the ticket sales from thrilling crowds. Thrives off of good advertisement and even better performances. But there are many kinds of attention, and not all of them are harmless.

It is safer, this way. Safer for Lucrecia to save the water tricks for the camp, away from prying eyes. Safer for her to know the water only so much as is needed to aid with the chores.

(She fears that, were she to know the water better, the poison would rise again. Were she to utilize the power that hums in her veins, were she to let the water back in fully—

She will not risk it. She will maintain control.)

It is their curse, this stifling of their potential, this constant wariness and vigilance lest they attract the wrong kinds of attention.

They tell people that they are cursed to die in water. That the water is their curse. This is only partly true.

The water is not the curse; it is not the direct cause of their suffering. It is tangled up in their curse, tangled up in their history. It is as much a part of them as the acrobatics, as much a part of them as performance.

The water beckons to her.

Lucrecia cannot let herself listen.

+=+=+=+=+

Augustus loves his family. They are the best thing in this world—they are his world. His aunt, his wife, his children—he loves them so much it hurts, sometimes.

His son stumbles across the balance beam, face pinched in determination. When he reaches the other end, Augustus picks him up and whirls him around, his son shrieking in delight. His daughter is quick to demand the same treatment, and Augustus is quick to oblige.

His children are—Augustus cannot be anything but proud of them. Cannot be anything but excited to watch them grow, and create lives of their own—

The curse remains in the back of his mind. The last thing Augustus wants is for his family to be ruled by it, to be ruled by that fear that followed him through adolescence and still clings to him now. But it is a father’s job to worry for his children, a husband’s job to worry for his wife, a nephew’s job to worry for his aunt—

To love someone so deeply is to care for their safety. Though Augustus does not want his children to inherit his fear, though he wishes they could grow up free of the curse and its weight—

He will tell them soon, he thinks, when they are old enough to understand it. He will not tell them all of it, will not unload his own hurt onto them, but he will give them the knowledge to keep themselves safe, to keep the family safe.

Augustus will not be around forever. His children will not be children forever.

But here and now, both of his children in his arms, giggling and trying to climb onto his shoulders for a better vantage point—

Here and now, Augustus laughs. Here and now, he holds them close.

Here and now, he lets his children know how much they are loved.

#whumptober2022 #no.9 #caught in a storm #psychonauts #zaz writes #trauma #memory alteration #the river runs deep au #augustus aquato #lucrecia mux #nona aquato #donatella aquato #dion and frazie are mentioned #this one kind of fought me???#it was also kind of a case of me fighting myself #but i got it done!!#‚‚‚not sure what to do for tomorrow's whoops

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whumpitlikeyoumeanit · 1 month

Text

Whumpcember 16

All of this Whumpcember is a single, long fic, with the prompts used in specific scenes, in order. See the Masterlist and AO3 link here.

((content warnings: gaslighting, stalking, obsession, memory alteration, seizure ))

promptspiration: @whumpcember Day 16: Head Injury

Whumpee: Draco Malfoy Whumper: Harry Potter Pairing: Harry/Draco whump type: gaslighting / mind alteration fic type: post-Hogwarts AU

words: ~2500

-------------------

There was a sound in the hallway that made Draco jerk his head up, a sort of click and shuffle. He stared at the doorway uneasily.

"Post," Harry reassured him, pushing himself up from his seat. "I'll take care of it. I'll be a minute, but I'll be back, don't freak out."

"All right," he said quietly, and looked back out the front window. There was no one out there.

He could hear Harry moving down the hallway toward the front door, then back up it, to the other room with whatever had been delivered. There was nothing to look at outside except the wispy clouds, and the silence descended on him with a heavy unease.

He stood up when the cloud he was watching disappeared over one of the other houses and rubbed his arm, even though it didn't hurt anymore; it had become a habit. He knew Harry had said he was coming back, but…

He glanced at the family tree tapestry and the chair where Harry had been sitting, looking for some sort of inspiration or distraction, and then his eyes jerked back when he realised what he'd seen on his way past. Harry had left his notebook on the end table where he'd been writing.

That worn, black book that he kept on his person at all times, where he made his notes and kept track of the case. The one Draco had never seen the inside of and Harry got snappy if he tried to. The one that held everything in the world that was known about the people that killed his parents and destroyed his life…

He should pretend he hadn't seen it there.

He crossed over to the chair and curiously lifted the edge of the notebook, letting the pages flip back down in a slow fan. A peek couldn't hurt… He looked up at the doorway, listening for any movement down the hall. No sign of Harry. His eyes slid back down, and he pulled the notebook open at a random spot.

When the leather cover flopped back, it naturally fell open to a section near the front where the pages didn't come together tightly because of some damage to the paper. He could only stare at the page it exposed; it was covered in his full name — Draco Aurelius Malfoy — written over and over with various decoration, with his last time scratched through in every single instance, sometimes with so much force that it had torn through the paper and into the one below.

What the ever-loving hell…?

He flipped the page with cautious, morbid curiosity. The back of that page had just his first name in a heart — a literal, schoolgirl heart.

The facing page was an unbroken block of cramped, small handwriting made of heavy black strokes, barely legible but very straight on the unlined paper. It had clearly been written before the names were scratched out, because a few of the scratches went through this writing. Words were abbreviated without any regard for standard conventions and sometimes without obvious reason, like the writer just wanted to get the thoughts out as quickly as possible, so it took some effort to decipher the passage. It started with "I love you. I love you, Draco. I know it's not your fault that you don't see me. You've been mistreated so much it's made you blind to someone right in front of you that wants nothing but to help you."

That was difficult to read, and not just because of the handwriting and the shorthand. Someone pouring intimate thoughts at him in a secret journal was… unsettling. He actually felt uneasiness that could easily have become fear, but he pushed it down in his mind, vaulted, away from him, because he had to focus.

He flipped the page to see when he would have a reprieve from the heavy hand, and he found that he wouldn't. Not a single new paragraph or indentation marred next two facing pages, or the pair after that, or the one after that… The words just marched on in unbroken rows, with minor variations in handwriting that might indicate that the author had set it down and come back later, or might indicate that he had worn out a quill and switched to a new one… He flipped pages without comprehending any of the words written on them until he found a line drawn across the paper to finally end the bottomless paragraph and start a new one, and he automatically started at the beginning of it.

That one he couldn't look away from. It was a rant — no, a tirade — about his parents. How they had treated him badly his whole life. How they had made him into a dutiful little heir who put them, their desires, and the concept of 'family' ahead of himself, who was so terrified of their disappointment he would erase himself to be what they wanted, even if what they wanted was a Dark wizard who damned himself, when he should be so much more. How they'd beaten his potential out of him and replaced it with a fear of being abandoned. How they'd hollowed out who he was and left him an empty vessel for themselves.

There was an entire page, the writing devolving across it steadily until punctuation was used purely for emphasis with no regards to grammar, about how his father was a sadistic, manipulative, abusive tyrant who had held him to impossible standards his whole life, whom Draco was desperate to please but for whom nothing would ever be good enough, who was intent on crushing Draco's "light" — whatever that meant — and forcing him to be like him, yet obedient to him, a subservient tool, an eager pawn.

He thought that was as bad as it could get, but when it focussed on his mother, the sheer vitriol should have seared the paper away. It went on a diatribe about how she was an emotionally stunted bitch who should never be allowed within a hundred feet of a child, who filled his head with antiquated opinions for her own amusement, who manipulated him into acting how she wanted by alternately smothering and withholding her attention. It called her too self-centred to have a child, as nurturing as a Venomous Tentacula, that she saw him only as an extension of herself, and loved him only as long as he was perfect. It claimed she wanted him only as an accessory. It viciously asserted that she was a disgrace to her sex and had no concept of what a good mother looked like.

It said that they saw him only as a vehicle for their own desires, a body to carry on the family name and a source of validation respectively, with no care for who he was as a person. It said they didn't deserve him. It said that his life would have been better if his parents had been arrested at the end of the first war. 'Or, better yet, killed'.

Even his offence and horror were pushed to the back of his mind by the avalanche of sheer confusion, the bombardment of questions the passage demanded.

He wondered how Harry knew some of this… because none of it was exactly untrue, precisely. Not the facts, anyway. He would argue vehemently with the interpretation and the extrapolation, but objectively… they weren't lies. How did Harry know this?

The thing was, he couldn't remember ever not wanting to be what his parents wanted from him. He'd never chafed under their expectations, he had strived enthusiastically to live up to them. Did that mean the writing was wrong, or that it was horribly right? Did he even have an identity of his own?

Was that what Harry meant, when he called him a mirror without actual opinions — he was angry about this?

Why did Harry hate them so much?

…Who, exactly, had controlled him and made him kill them…?

His numb fingers turned the page, not comprehending the solid block of writing, but overwhelmed by how much of it there was. How could he still have that much vitriol left?

The painstakingly tight lines were occasionally offset by notes squashed into the margins, isolated thoughts that made for more digestible entries than the dense text. "Moody = Death Eater == ferret = Lucius fault." "Hawthorn and unicorn, deeply complicated, emotions. Why can't anyone else see how much he needs help? You've done enough suffering in silence, Draco. I'm here." "Too precious to walk outside without shoes. Better than a locked door."

He dropped his eyes past the book, down to his stocking-clad feet.

This whole time, not giving him shoes was a method to control him, because it wouldn't occur to him it was an option to go out without shoes. And it had worked. His face was hot with humiliation. He had been contained by knowing he was too delicate to get his socks dirty. He was so disgusted with himself.

And that also meant… Harry had committed a calculated plan to contain him. With a precaution 'better than a locked door'.

Like a prisoner…

He flipped pages to get away from that accusation and the book naturally opened onto a page made stiff by a clipping of a newspaper stuck sideways onto it. "MALFOY HEIR PRESUMED DEAD BY SUICIDE", it announced in the Prophet's signature typeface. He could only see the headline; if the article was there, it was folded under and he couldn't pry up the sticking charm with his fingernails, but it might just be the headline that was saved.

He probably didn't want to read that, anyway. He couldn't imagine why Harry would want to save it. That was morbid, perverse… Did Harry even know what it was like to want to die? Or even not actively die, but just stop existing? If he did, he didn't think he'd want to have this here to stumble upon, especially not when it was about someone he supposedly cared about. It didn't make him feel good. He knew he hadn't done it, but it was still a bad reminder of bad times.

He tried for a few more seconds to try to peel it out of the book, to get rid of it, but it didn't work, and he was ultimately glad, when he was thinking clearly again in a moment. If it was gone, it would be obvious the book had been tampered with. He needed to be smarter than that, stupid though he was now. Don't damage the book, disgusting or not, just turn away from it.

The block of writing picked up on the next page again, after the newspaper clipping. He didn't want to read that. He didn't want to know what Harry thought about his inclination or ability to kill himself, or not. He flipped through pages slowly, letting the unrelenting flow of cramped black writing wash over him until something caught his attention.

He found it when a page he turned suddenly broke the wall of text into a precise table, the columns unlabelled. One appeared to be weights in stone, then esoteric abbreviations with small measurements… dosages, maybe? Halfway down the list it shifted over to add another column of cramped shorthand, on which the most common entry entry was "cf" with various levels of underlining and starring, followed by "fvr" and "brth".

The last entry on the table listed the weight as "<8st" and the rest of the line was "No choice. I have to wake him up. I hope I'm ready."

He wanted to sit down and think about that, but he had a feeling he needed to see as much of this book as possible, and a simultaneous feeling that there wasn't time. He flipped pages more quickly, trying to take it all in, looking for something else concrete to hold onto.

In a bit, the wall of text began to break itself up into separate entries. It seemed like a journal, but the entries mostly lacked context, leaving him reading Harry's thoughts responding to events that could only be inferred. His eyes jumped only to the shorter ones; the longer ones felt like they could take hours to comprehend.

"Sickness is getting better. That's a relief. Expected the lows after he was told the monsters are gone, but he's starting to get over it."

"Nobody else in the world would have a portrait of Walburga Black, right? No one's that much of a masochist. Worth it to keep Confounding the damn thing? Basically have to now I know they met, and she knows me. Wonder if it would burn. Probably not worth my eardrums to try it. Although it sounds like Draco would enjoy it too. Hag, fuck, he's adorable."

"Dreaming memories. Need to put a stop to that."

"Shouldn't have hit him so hard, fucked up his brain. Not used to this strength. Didn't want to do that. Why won't he fucking behave? Why does he keep fighting me? Stop making me hurt you!"

Halfway down a page, there was a gap and then an ornately calligraphed sketch of his name that sprawled over a quarter page, and a new entry in sloppy, excited lettering. "MY DRACO IS BACK. It worked. He came to me. HE came to ME. He didn't just agree, he offered. It was perfect. He's my Draco now, better than he ever was before. Together forever. I'm never letting him go again. Made love on the couch right there. He was too beautiful to resist. Vulnerable. Should have taken some time, made it special, but I missed him so much, it just seemed right. I don't have to miss him again. Still wish I'd made it special a little. He thought he was a virgin."

His eyes couldn't move from that line.

He thought he was a virgin.

What did that mean?

He thought he was a virgin.

He knew but he didn't let himself know.

He thought he was a virgin.

"I really wish you hadn't looked at that."

He looked up, immediately taking a step away from the book. Harry was in the room, watching him, face blank.

"Harry, what is this?" he asked quietly, calmly, placating, not accusing, not aggressive, not threatening. Be completely reasonable, open-minded, willing to accept his explanations. The door wasn't far. Just get him distracted explaining himself.

Harry looked at the book open on the table. His wand was in his hand, at his side, tapping his thigh in little twitchy movements.

Draco took another small, silent step toward the door.

Harry looked up in a single sharp movement and thrust his wand at him. "Obliviate!"

The world toppled over sideways. Colours, smells, same thing. Couldn't control his limbs. Bright sparkles of pain. Harry. "Shit, not ag—"

#whump writing #not a prompt whumpitlikeyoumeanit #whumpitlikeyoumeanit wrote it #whumpcember2023 #whumpcember2023 day 16 #writing #head injury #memory alteration #gaslighting #obsession #stalking

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