#maybe its just me but not completely sure how it fits the theme but tbh idc
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All other criticisms of modern Star Wars aside, the thing that gets me the most is how every single story is being written to fit into some Avengers-level grand finale that just isn't laying a solid enough foundation to make it worth the wait. Regardless of whether the individual stories are good or bad, what makes them fall so short, imo, is that there's usually no real payoff within their own runtimes (unless you count cheap callbacks or loose promises of More, which you shouldn't)
Like, I already knew halfway through Ahsoka that we were in for a cliffhanger and it's just like...alright, guess we'll see how this ends in about 5 years? Even Mando, which had a great first season and was poised to stand on its own two feet and ride off on a rootin' tootin' bounty huntin' adventure, has ultimately become yet another dusty path on the road to the current Big Plot with an indeterminate due date. That's not deliciously addictive media, it's a dry-ass carrot on a spindly little stick, lol
Of course, this is a problem that many franchises are happily getting cozy with lately because everybody wants to have their own Infinity War / Endgame moment, but I guess it seems a bit more egregious with Star Wars because, ironically, it used to work best because it had less overall focus. Like, sure, we had concurrent movies, animated series, and games, but they were always happy to do their own things and tell their own stories with definitive conclusions. Now it all has to funnel into the Big New Plot and, man, I honestly just can't bring myself to care when it feels like an endless waiting game
I definitely need to get around to watching Visions at some point because, every time it pops up, it sounds like the lifeblood that Star Wars sorely needs atm
Yeah the setup-and-payoff a-to-b type dramatic clarity that seemed so entrenched into the very bones of cinematic grammar - up to around the emergence of streaming, wink wink nudge nudge - is sorely missed in star wars atm. sure maybe downsized writers rooms fidgeting with limited series formats instead of doing actual seasonal TV has something to do with it, but even that is probably such a small piece of the larger issue that spins all this longform storytelling bullshit ferry wheel around.
Another part is certainly chasing the MCU business model of it all like you said. Carrot on a stick is verbatim how I've often described these things myself, the endless promise of another promise of another promise instead of forming a complete thought with a beginning and an end. servicing the plot before story at all costs. another part still is reverence towards the aesthetic trappings of the source material instead of its themes, trying to nail the exact texture of tatooine's huts and dial in the perfect balance of lightsaber choreography and pay homage to a thousand iconic shots before articulating something true in the text.
And like it's an endless laundry list, this confluence of capital-I Issues both industry-scale and creatively-driven that seem to be flaying the skin off the bones of whatever star wars even "is" nowadays. no one can answer that in the context of billions of dollars made off toys and storylines centering around this one moment in fictional history about sons and fathers and empires and rebellions. so they just keep twisting in the wind filling in any gaps within that period. I don't know nonnie, it's all so bleak. ahsoka and obi wan and even mando tbh. as charming as season 1 was, it truly felt like it coasted on its incredible restraint to avoid muddying its aesthetic with cameos, and lucked into effective storytelling as a result of that utterly unintentional alchemy. that's obviously well and truly gone now as its true optics have reared head.
what star wars is by itself is such a pointless discussion, right? andor argues it's a perfectly functional heightened universe that can support incredibly nuanced and dramatically charged stories of grassroots rebellion and the bureaucratic strain of fascist regimes. visions argues it's a world beholden to the force, an endlessly mutable and elegant metaphor that can support infinite monomyths and fairy tales. both are equally fantastic at executing on their takes, despite being in diametrically opposite extremes of interpreting the source. so it's not really about that at all, why the other stuff sucks this bad.
they're just bad at the craft of it, that's really it. whether it's auteur worship or business decisions rotting that fish down, it still rots all the same. maybe the new writers' guild contracts can shift the winds a little, because I was so securely done with star wars and then the aforementioned 2 shows came and affected me. so, so profoundly that I'm back on the hook again. like a lil sucker!
#long post#anon#asks#boy howdy forgive me mister baby yoda for I have engaged in star wars discourse again#this will definitely not backfire on me as it never before has.
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(While sending this ask I've accidentally found out what cool wallpapers (literally) you have on your desktop blog theme.)
Well, good day, my dearest horror podcast Virgil,
I, surprisingly to myself, actually finished "I am in Eskew" and enjoyed it quite a bit (which, I guess, could have been deduced by how much I spammed in the tag) even more surprisingly, considering I'm absolutely not a horror person - I substitute horror movies with their wikipedia retellings. Unironically.
Anyway, firstly, thank you! I definitely would have never discovered it without your recommendations!
Secondly, maybe you have something else like that stashed up your sleeve? I definitely need some time to recuperate, but I would like to explore more cool podcasts. (The only two limitations: short-ish - not much longer than this one, the view of a hundred+ episodes scares me; not gorier than this one/no actual jump scares - again, I'm a scardicat.) I remember you talking about "Mabel Podcast" and at the first glance it seems neat, but I'd like to hear your comments on it first.
Thanks in advance. :)
(thank you! its a william morris thing i edited a little lol) glad you liked eskew! its been fun seeing your thoughts on it popping up in the tag, not spammy at all.
i do want to mention that the creator of eskew also has another podcast called The Silt Verses, personally i havent listened to it for weird brain reasons so not sure how well it fits your criteria but ive heard its also very good
mabel podcast is another favorite! the creators of mabel and the creator of i am in eskew were both inspired by shirley jackson's the haunting of hill house to an extent iirc, so even though the stories are very different some elements of them have a similar 'feel' to them imo. i will say that mabel is very different stylistically though (especially the earlier episodes) which in my experience people seem to either love or hate. whereas in eskew you get a pretty continuous narration from david or riyo, in mabel youre mostly listening in on a series of somewhat disjointed voicemail messages. id definitely recommend at least giving the first few episodes a go, dont get discouraged if you dont feel like you dont understand whats happening right away. all you really need to know about the story going in is that youre following Anna, whos a live-in carer for an old woman named Sally. Anna is trying to contact Sallys next of kin (the titular Mabel), but shes strangely out of reach.
ok i know you said youre not a huge horror person but if you ever are feeling a little more daring id suggest trying out The White Vault. theres a small amount of gore (descriptions of finding hearts and teeth) and some uh. wet ripping sounds in it but its really not that bad all things considered, just know that it is straight horror though. its a found footage podcast that follows a group of people whove been hired to check out a remote outpost in northern norway thats gone dead, but a storm leaves them stranded there, and as time goes on it becomes clear that they arent exactly alone. this ones a little longer i think, but tbh ive only listened to the first two seasons, it felt like a natural place for the story to end to me
and then on the complete opposite side of the spooky podcast spectrum, if you want something thats a ghost story but really not horror at all imo, i just finished listening to Midnight Radio a few weeks back. this ones *really* short, like 10 episodes that are ~20 minutes each short, so its definitely lower commitment. in this one youre listening in on a radio show hosted by Sibyl, who died decades earlier but can still be heard waxing poetic about her hometown in the dead of night.
ok LAST ONE havent finished it so wasnt sure if i should rec it but a lot of people on my dash hype up Archive 81 so i thought id mention it at least. guy is hired to listen through a bunch of creepy tapes in some archive out in the middle of no where. classic horror podcast stuff. similar to eskew in that it pivots from mostly being mostly anthology into an overarching plot as you go on
#sorry i did not mean to write a whole essay lol..... but hopefully one of those sounds interesting!
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ok so my two cents on what I'd like to see/my theories for Além do Guarda-Roupa (My Magic Closet/A Través del Espejo) season 2 in case it happens:
First of all, Carol explains the whole Fever Kiss Mistake asap and Kyung believes her (after the ending I don't think it would make sense for him not to). She wanted to fix that mess before they closed the portal and with her progress after they did I don't think she'd chicken out this time around.
Chul and Dieguinho’s relationship!! Dieguinho’s father grumpily learning to accept his son and Chul being a part of it as his boyfriend!! His father being hard on Chul at first until he sees how strong, fit and agile he is and ending up bonding over sports and how much they care about Dieguinho!!
Mok and Nayara being the absolutely amazing team they have proven to be before and just being the absolute MVPs in their job of helping the rest of the team in whatever the hell they do.
Onto more Plot Heavy things: Everyone gets an Emergency Meeting so Luisa doesn't sell tickets to Carol's room to pay for her mother's treatment. This could lead to an ultimatum to get her the money or else she's doing whatever it takes to save her mother. Here they could do parallel plans:
seeing how the guys can't simply send the money to Carol or Luisa directly without getting A LOT of eyes on them, maybe Mok and Chul work with Nayara to rally the fans somehow (make the cafeteria an event point for something without the band having to break the k-pop history of not going to Brazil? Idk enough about k-pop to know what could be believable, tbh).
Carol goes find her father to ask for the famed money. The way they wrapped up that storyline in the ending felt complete to me, seeing how she could let go of the guilt about what happened to her mother after her own father wrote to her that it wasn't her fault, nor the accident nor him leaving, and it could be closure enough for her. Still, they left the door open for her to go find him if she wanted or needed to, which could be a great way for her to reconnect with her South Korean heritage, visit Seoul and spending time with Kyung as her guide. Seeing that journey could also open the wound Kyung carries from his childhood about his mother abandoning him and start to heal it, although I don't feel that's necessary, even if it could be interesting. Plus, both Carol and Kyung being lovey-dovey around Seoul could stir some drama the same way sightings of ACT in Brazil did in S1.
Carol uses the money she wins on the competition, which should be for her to be able to dance without a worry in the world, but we know that’s not how this kind of stories usually go. She could get in a lot of trouble if she gave that money to Luisa, so either she gives her the money and has to make it back before the wrong people notice, but at least her aunt gets more time, or it’s a last resort plan that they save in case of it being necessary. Not very sure how this could thing could go because I don’t know anything about ballet or its world aside from it looking pretty, but I feel Carol’s dream when it comes to ballet mixing with the harsh reality paralleling the idols' carrer struggles could be very interesting. (Maybe the group “hires” her as a collaboration with the ballet institution that did the competition and ImpACTades? Idk!).
The Whole Dae Ho Thing. There's a lot to unpack there, because if the show had a villain at all (aside from the company that created ACT and their manager), Aunt Rebeca was it for most of the time, seeing how she was the Evil Stepmother in this Cinderella story, even if at times it felt like Dae Ho could toe the line if he wanted to, but firmly staying a "white swan". Still, by the end of the last episode one could argue that he did end up crossing that line, stealing Kyung's credit and following every single agency order, even if apparently he felt bad about it.
The same way Carol's arc in S1 followed themes of letting go and accepting and embracing herself fully through her friends, Dae Ho doesn't have that through the season at all. It's almost the contrary, almost accepting himself as a tool to others and losing himself in the process, so S2 could explore how broken and barely holding on he is and how he needs to break down the pieces to rebuild himself better and more loyal to himself and those he loves in a harsh, injust world.
Honestly, there's A LOT that could be said about Dae Ho and his development through the season and what it could mean for him going forward, but because the group has to stay together and working successfully in order for them not to get evicted and losing the portal, they have to resolve it internally and quietly (their manager is probably gonna make things incredibly more difficult). Therefore, I expect and lot of Mok and Chul hijinks to cover up whatever's going on.
Kyung doesn't care about being the leader or about recognition (his credit is his tho, even if he doesn't care as much as he would have once), but Dae Ho lost his trust even after they both closed the portal together. I'm very, very interested in seeing how they decide to explore their life-long friendship and their possible reconciliation.
I hope there's a conversation about how Chul and Mok weren't told about the closing of the portal, but I'm not holding my breath.
Ok! I honestly have a lot more thoughts that I initially believed, but I needed to get them out of my system!
#Além do Guarda-Roupa#my magic closet#a través del armario#옷장 너머로#shut up faraige#meta#my magic closet meta#além do guarda-roupa meta#adgr#carol silva#carol silva kang#kyung min#dae ho#adgr dae ho#sang mok#chul woo#adgr dieguinho#adgr nayara#ok I'll now try to retreat into a quiet corner
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my thoughts on dark souls 1 so far!
- i honestly believe that people exaggerate a little about the difficulty in this game. sure, it's a challenging game that will kill you over and over until you learn to play it, but it isn't the nightmare some make it to be! in fact, i find it to be quite forgiving in its own very peculiar way. i dunno man, maybe sekiro over-prepared me for this game xD
- on a similar vein, i didn't find the controls to be clunky at all. of course, there are some weird design decisions, like the roll being executed at the release of the button, instead of the press (creating a small delay ok this is certainly my gaming masochism speaking but i actually like the roll delay. it makes dodging feel strategic instead of just mindless roll-out-of-anything-you-see), but it still feels very comfortable to play. i think most players are at first caught off-guard by the slower pace, the stamina system, and the full action commitment, but with time you get used to it and start to notice how much this type of design adds to the game.
- the level and map design is simply amazing. i'd say it's one of the game's biggest strenghts. everything is just so well connected and coherently put together that the lack of fast-travel (until anor londo at least) doesn't bother me at all. this complements really nicely with the slow pace, as it ensures that you're actually paying attention to the enviroment and taking note of every path you take (i got like 95% of the whole game map so far memorized. i can easily tell the shortest path from one area to another just by recalling each shortcut). as a metroidvania fan this makes me very very happy!
- guidances, summoning and bloodstains are very interesting takes on online co-op. fromsoft has this habit of making sure every mechanic fits seamlessly within the lore, vibe, and immersion of their games, and i really appreciate that. there are barely any ui menus that take your mind out of the world of lordran, and instead items that you can use like anything else in your inventory to engage with other players, complete with some in-universe lore about it.
- the bossfights are cool, fun, and fair but sometimes they feel a bit samey. (unsurprisingly?) the duo bosses (gargoyles and O&S) are my absolute favorites so far. they just flow really well with the combat system.
- the ost is very good and the boss themes really deliver that feeling of standing against beings far more powerful than yourself (i know i'm talking about ds1 but sekiro's ost is very underrated. how come no one talks about the father owl theme? it's sooo damn good!). the game is pretty silent though, and most of the time you only hear the sounds of your own footsteps, the clinging of your armor, the goddamn archers in anor londo...
- not sure why durability exists? it's kinda pointless tbh. most weapons and equipment last for a very good ammount of time, and repairing them isn't that costly at all. it's not like botw, where durability is a motivator for exploration (still not the biggest fan of that system tho), here it just, exists.
- miyazaki you evil bastard why did you create curse WHY
- also FUCK THE WHEEL SKELETONS ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE WHEEL SKELETONS
- solaire my beloved
- siegmeyer my beloved
- lautrec i'm going to fucking murder you
- solaire my sunbro he is the best
- black knight sword is such a wonderful weapon i love it very much.
#i'm really enjoying this game!#as for the difficulty and clunkiness i have played plenty of old-school hard games so take my words with a pinch of salt#i may be used to it xD#but even after coming from butter-smooth-controls games like dmc and sekiro the ds1 controls still feel pretty good#dark souls
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Les Fleurs du Mal Chapter 1| Pierre Gasly
Summary: Sava Dvorakova had big dreams for Formula One. An opportunity of a lifetime comes around, so she takes it and runs. She proved just about everyone wrong, and is awarded a very controversial seat on the F1 grid. There’s smiles and grins, hugs and kisses, love and laughter. There’s tears and sobs, fights and break ups. There’s evil where you least expect it, hidden in the garden of eden. The Flowers of Evil.
Warnings: a lot of swearing, shitty parents (they’re a recurring theme), sexism, i ignored a lot of actual f1 rules because i couldn’t be bothered writing it into the story tbh, yuki is fcking adorable, a lot of smut eventually, like a lot.
There were hundreds, thousands, maybe even a million girls who have dreamed of making it into Formula One. It is the pinnacle of motorsport, the highest calibre and the most competitive of its many engine-based counterparts. Many women over the years have tried to make their way into the sport, but as each season becomes more competitive, it seems as though the women of motorsport keep slipping through the cracks. Perhaps it’s a timing thing - they weren’t in the right place at the right time - or perhaps it’s a sexism thing, or maybe the female drivers just simply are not at the same level that a lot of the men are at.
Sava Dvorakova feared being one of those women. One that would try their hardest, but were still unable to make their mark on a sport they had very clear passion for. The seventeen year old had been karting since her fifth birthday, progressing through the levels the Czech Republic had to offer before she moved onto European championships. Nearly every weekend of the year, Sava was in her kart, racing against boys three years her senior and thrashing them each time. However, she didn’t get the opportunity to progress into single-seaters for many years.
It was September 2020, just like any other race weekend when it happened, Sava piled into her kart as the marshalling for her heat was called. Her uncle patted the top of her helmet for good luck, a tradition the two had kept for about twelve years at this point, and she made it out onto her starting place - pole position as usual. Sava pulled clean moves the entire race, defended her position without being reckless or desperate, and had perfect pace. As she pulled back into the pits under her team’s marquee, she spotted her uncle speaking with an older man in a button up and slacks, something quite odd for a normal karting weekend. Sava hopped out, practically ripping her helmet and balaclava off as her footsteps increased in pace to get to her uncle. He scooped her up into a hug, spinning the girl a few times and congratulating her on another victory for the season.
“Bunny, this is Doctor Helmut Marko, he’s the director of Red Bull Racing. He’d like to speak with you about a driving opportunity.” Sebastian, her uncle, stated clearly, his excitement spilling into his eyes as he stared at his seventeen year old niece. Her dyed-pink hair sat matted to her forehead, the majority of it spun into Dutch braids down her back that would be tucked into the back of her race suit before the next race, her cheeks were flushed red, and her bottom lip was cracked in places from how much the Czech nibbled on it on and off track. Sebastian almost laughed at the situation she had ended up in.
“Dr Marko, it’s lovely to meet you. I have an hour until my next heat, so if you would like to speak urgently, there is a small cafe about a hundred metres from the track. If you’d like less of a time constraint, I will be completely free after 4pm today.” Sava told the man in front of her, Czech accent so thick the Austrian could barely understand her.
“It should only take about 10 minutes, so if you’d like, I can buy you and your uncle a coffee at the cafe while we speak.” Dr Marko offered. Sava nodded calmly, her uncle much more vocal about his excitement. Sava excused herself to change into less sweaty clothes, returning in a halter-neck singlet and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. Her trusty combat boots stepped over all of the tools, debris, and shit that was scattered around the pits as she made it back to the two men.
“So, Sava, what is your goal in karting?” Dr Marko began almost immediately after the trio had sat down in the cafe.
“To make it into formula one and win multiple world championships.” Sava responded confidently, barely a second between the question and her reply as it was something she had thought about for a very long time.
“So why aren’t you already driving in single seaters?” Dr Marko questioned further, and from the corner of her eye, Sava could see her uncle tense up.
“Because no one’s willing to give me a chance in the big leagues because they know I’ll do a lot better than half the boys on the grid.” The seventeen year old replied. Helmut seemed impressed with the rapid fire, confidence laden responses he was receiving.
“Well, I’m willing to. Jehan Daruvala, a Red Bull junior currently driving for Carlin in formula two is unable to attend the last three races of the season because of health issues. I want you to take his seat for those races, and if you’re as good in a single seater as you are in that kart, I’ll make sure you have a seat for next year.” Helmut laid out, and Sebastian audibly choked. Sava smirked at her uncle’s reaction, and stared into the eyes of the man offering her a fast track to her dreams.
“I’d love to. When and where is the next race?” Sava chuckled, her uncle’s recovery from his choking fit was slow, and Helmut looked on in amusement. He had seen many similar reactions from the drivers he was propositioning, but it seemed as though this duo had reversed the normal roles.
“The weekend begins on Thursday in Italy. You’ll be racing in Mugello.” Helmut told the pair dryly. Sebastian began coughing once again, Sava simply rubbing his back soothingly while she nodded.
“I’ll need to make arrangements with my school, but I presume you’ll make travel and accommodation arrangements from Prague to Mugello?” Sava continued her calm conversation, though she could feel her natural bubbliness and excitement ready to burst through.
“Yes. There will be a Carlin race suit and boots in Mugello when you arrive, as well as a helmet and teamwear. You’ll have a personal assistant for the time you’re in Jehan’s seat, to keep up with the media and to navigate the paddock. I’ll have all of the relevant information forwarded to you tonight, and there will be a contract for you to sign upon your arrival in Italy.”
“Then I’ll see you there, sir. I best be on my way, I’ll need time to change back into my race suit before my heat is called in about half an hour. It was lovely to meet you, and I look forward to meeting and exceeding your expectations.” Sava concluded, standing up to give her new boss a handshake before she turned on her heels and practically sprinted out of the cafe. She speed walked back to the track and into the changing rooms before letting out the ear splitting squeal she had been holding in since she won her race forty five minutes ago.
It was easy enough to sort out her absence with her school, as there were no assessments due and Sava was already miles ahead of the rest of her peers, so her teachers had no qualms with letting their champion out to represent the country.
The issue however, was with her parents. Her father, a man she had been emancipated from for over a year, decided he would give her grief for throwing away her education to take someone’s spot for a few weeks before they would inevitably drop her once they realised how bad she was. Her mother wasn’t much better. As her legal guardian, she technically did have the right to stop her daughter from going into the F2 seat, but after a gruelling discussion and many threats from Sava to emancipate from her mother as well, she conceded.
So, on a very sunny, very early Thursday morning in September, Sava hopped onto a plane with an overnight bag to begin catching her dreams. Unfortunately, Sebastian had work during the week, but would be flying out to Italy on Friday night to watch his niece’s races on Saturday and Sunday. But, Sava arrived in Italy as bubbly and excitable as ever. Her pink hair was split into her iconic high pigtails, a white crop top, and pastel pink pleated skirt and trusted combat boots covered her form, black duffel bag thrown over her shoulder with some clothes for the weekend, and all of her travel documents. The PA standing with her name printed on a sign was very confused when a very small, very pink teenage girl bumbled over to her and said ‘Hi, I’m Sava. But everyone calls me Bunny’.
“I’m sorry, I expected someone a little more gritty.” The twenty-something woman spoke, her blonde hair in a high ponytail with a Carlin shirt and dark wash jeans. Sava guessed the PA expected someone who looked more like herself.
“It’s okay, I get that a lot. Most people don’t recognise me out of my race suit, so I definitely don’t expect someone who’s never seen me to anticipate my looks. What’s your name?” Sava’s Czech accent, combined with her hyperactivity meant she talked extremely fast, and often it was all nonsense, and she simply spoke for the sake of speaking. The PA took a few seconds to process the words Sava had spoken before finally replying with a simple ‘Amelia’. The two made it to the car that was waiting and travelled to the track in silence, Sava taking in the sights, and Amelia tapping away at her phone. When they got out, Amelia handed Sava a paddock pass, explaining the importance of it and demonstrating how to use it at the gates. They walked through to the Carlin garage, one half working away excitedly, while the other side seemed rather dead.
“Everyone, can I have your attention please? This is Sava Dvorakova, she’s our reserve driver for the rest of the season. Make her comfortable, and make sure she feels welcome!” Amelia yelled, very quickly causing silence to spread over the entire garage.
“Hi! I’m Sava, but most people call me Bunny, so feel free to do either! Or if you’d like, Dvorakova works just as well, but it’s a bit of a mouthful so I understand if you mispronounce it. I’ll also probably respond to ‘hey you’ so anything works. I’m really looking forward to working with you all and giving you some good results this weekend!” Sava giggled at the end, her fists clenched in front of her chest as she gave a small cheer with her hands and the entire garage remained silent for a few moments before breaking out into whispers, their eyes trailing over the teenager’s body. The anxiety in Sava’s belly bubbled, and she began playing with her hands until she was approached by a boy who was a little taller than her with a friendly smile on his face.
“Hi, I’m Yuki. I drive the other Carlin. It’s nice to meet you Bunny.” Yuki introduced with a smile and fist bump. He was unbelievably pleased to meet a driver who was smaller than him, though he supposed that her being a girl wouldn’t ease all of the teasing he got from other drivers on the grid. The two chatted about their background in racing, and Yuki gave Sava a few pointers on handling the car she was about to drive for the first time ever.
“Sava, I have all of your race gear to try on, and later on you’ll need to do a seat fitting as the mechanics are just going to modify one of Yuki’s seats since you two are similar height.” Amelia stated, breaking up the conversation between the two youngsters. Sava apologised to her new friend before practically skipping behind Amelia. She received a few weird looks from others in the paddock, including a few F1 drivers she recognised from TV and her Instagram feed. She wasn’t sure why they were in this paddock, but supposed a few of the younger guys had only recently come out of F2.
When she got into a Carlin motorhome, race overalls and her flame-retardant undersuit were thrust into her hands by Amelia, and then pointed toward a tiny bathroom within the motorhome while the PA continued scrolling through emails, updating social media, and answering calls. Sava pulled the suits on excitedly, and though it was a bit tight in the hips, thighs and chest, she thought it looked pretty damn good.
“So, I think this was definitely made for a guy with less boobs and smaller hips, but the fit is still really good.” Sava joked to Amelia when she stepped out, only to see Helmut Marko standing alongside her new assistant. She went red instantly, her shoulders tensing and sliding up toward her head.
“Yes, well, we can certainly fix that before the next race, but right now, I believe you’re needed for fittings in the garage, so throw on your helmet and get down there.” Helmut ordered. Sava quickly snatched up her balaclava and helmet, threading the two onto her arm as she began undoing the pigtails to braid them on her way back to the Carlin garage while Amelia and Helmut stayed behind to talk.
If Sava thought she was getting weird looks on her way to the motorhome, she was getting even weirder ones on the way back from it. From what she could tell, it seemed more like mechanics, engineers and other personnel from other teams and she couldn’t see any drivers she recognised before she slipped into the Carlin garage, one braid half finished, and her helmet banging against her head every time she moved her arm. Yuki laughed at her struggles, ambling over to thread the helmet and balaclava off her arm while she held the half finished braid precariously. Sava thanked him with a quick smile and continued braiding, her tongue occasionally poking out the side of her mouth in concentration. One she was finished, and the long braids were tucked into the back of her suit, she pulled on the balaclava and helmet in record speed, and then was ushered into the F2 car to begin the tedious process of trying and changing one of Yuki’s seats to suit her height and posture.
After about an hour of fiddling, she was allowed to take the helmet off, and was beginning to doze off in the cockpit while a few of the employees debated different ways of measuring and fixing the seat nearby. Amelia came into the garage to find the new driver fully asleep in her car with everyone still talking around her. She took a photo and uploaded it to Carlin’s Instagram story, tagging the driver and writing a quick word about the reserve driver they hadn’t officially announced yet. She giggled slightly, and when two of the mechanics came back over to lift the seat out of the car, they accidentally lifted the driver out with it. Amelia took more photos of the seventeen year old comfortably in her race suit, curled in her seat while two mechanics held the entire ensemble up above the car.
Suffice to say, Carlin’s Instragram was flooded with adoring new fans, angered stans, and a few cheeky formula one drivers on private accounts.
#pierre gasly#Pierre Gasly fanfic#Pierre Gasly imagine#Pierre Gasly x reader#formula one#formula 1#f1#f1 fanfic#Daniel Ricciardo is a lad#there's some lando flirting#I couldn't help myself#gasly#pg10#call me eden
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hello! i'm trying to find a name, but i'm having a hard time choosing one... i'm scared i'll change my mind, and idk what to do about it to be sure, do you have any advice?? thanks a lot!
Hey, anon! Sure! If anyone has anything else to add, feel free to let me know!
(I can't tell you how many names I've been through (and how many more I'm probably going to go through))
I'll break this down into a few points so bear with me :))
Firstly, it will take time to find one that you feel totally fits you and that's okay!!! It can take a loot of experimenting to find the "right one"
Second of all, you don't even necessarily have to pick just one! Pick a whole bunch and have a collection of names to go by! It could be 2, 3, or even 10 or 15 and that's just fine! It's about your comfort
Third of all, what do you want your name to mean to you? For example, I have a friend who chose a name just for the sake of it making them feel comfy and that's that! For me, for example, my birth name is of South Asian origin, and since I'm not rlly connected to that part of heritage, I thought the least I could do was find a South Asian name from my parent's culture that also fits me. I also picked a name that could be easily said in the other languages I speak. And those are just the things that are important to me!
Maybe find inspiration from people you look up to (a name I tried out was Andy bc I rlly like the actor Andy Samberg and especially his character in B99), it could be related to a hobby (I tried out Jules at some point bc I liked the nautical themes tied to it bc of Jules Vernes and his books), it could be inspired by anything that is important to you. Whether it's simply your comfort, your culture, your hobbies, people you look up to, characters you like, literally anything! It's YOUR name!
Tbh, I had and still have to some extent the same fears as you do. But seriously, no one can expect you to pick out of the billions of names and pick one on the first try and be happy with it forever. Its completely okay for you to change your mind, there is nothing wrong with it whatsoever. Just research, experiment, have people you trust help you perhaps, whether it's online or irl. Heck, send as many name check asks to me as you want until you find a name you might like!
Obligatory reminder at the end of this post to say that it really can take time and this can be hard to accept and I totally get that. It can be a frustrating and at times, it may seem like, a hopeless process. But you have people who do care, you have communities who are here to support you during that process.
Take care of yourself, reach out again when and if you need it! You can also DM me and we can just talk (this applies to everyone)! I might add a point or two if I remember anything else :) Hope I could be of help - have a wonderful day/night!
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dream smp asagao au, aka the very specific high school au
also aka the post thats very self indulgent for me and maybe 3 other people.
in short: its a dsmp high school au based on the game asagao academy, where everyone is part of a gaming club and compete against one another in tournaments. more in depth info about the AU/Asagao itself, as well as more info about the plot and roles of the AU itself.
Asagao Academy Basics
So to start, let’s cover the basics: what is Asagao Academy. ….well, an old Youtuber dating sim game (which, despite unfortunately including some fairly questionable CCs, IS still really good and well written and I recommend it) But what is it for AU purposes?
Asagao Academy is a highly elite world-wide boarding school set in Japan for those who are either rich enough to afford it, or those skilled enough to get scholarships. Within the game, there are two main clubs: Normal Boots and Hidden Block. They’re both gaming clubs, and joining is seen as super exclusive since they’re ALSO the most popular people in the school.
The two clubs compete with each other in various tournament events with specific categories. For example: Satch (from NB) and Jimmy (from HB) both compete in the “Tech and Invention” category, where they have to create/invent something related to gaming and have it judged at the event like a science fair. Meanwhile, Jared (from NB) and Wallid (from HB) both compete in “Dance” aka DDR and the person with the highest score wins.
The other categories featured in game include: Puzzle games (like Bejeweled or Tetris), Video Game Trivia, Pinball, Retro Platformers, a three-person fighting game, and 100% completion speedruns. So tldr; the categories can be kind of fiddled with and be whatever you want them to be, because even the original ones are pretty wack.
Also, there’s no rules against competing in multiple categories— in fact, most of the HB members in game do! It’s more about balancing time and practicing for them alongside school and other activities.
The winner of the competition is the team/competitor(s) with the most total wins.
Another thing to note: despite competing as clubs, they’re all actually pretty good friends. It’s all lighthearted and fun in the end, hell the leader of the opposing club even helps the main character join the main club just because he wants a decent challenge.
Speaking of… the main character! Hana Mizuno! I don’t have any current plans to include her in this AU (a la new dating routes), but I wanted to mention her for a few reasons.
For the main reason: her hair. Even as soon as she shows up, Mai (her best friend and roommate, who can break the 4th wall) immediately calls her out for her hair for looking like a main character which as we learn… isn’t an exaggeration. She’s literally a born protagonist, thus being born with naturally pink hair and a tragic backstory. Not only that, but other people are also born protagonists with pink hair as well— she isn’t an exception.
About the AU -- Revolution Era
A few things to note: in this au, when I first drafted it I… wasn’t looking to include 20+ people. I cut a lot of characters, but instead working with the idea that they’re still THERE, they just… don’t compete? Either they aren’t in the club and are just friends with the members, or they’re members who just don’t compete professionally. It’s nothing personal against those CCs and tbh as times goes they may get added more, but for now they’re just in the BG vibin.
It covers a really basic retelling of s1 for most of the planned au. It starts with One Club: the Dream Team. Members include: Dream (sophomore), Sapnap (sophomore), George (junior), Wilbur (junior), Eret (junior), and Fundy (freshman).
For reasons, possibly just as a goof or spite towards their American counterparts, Wilbur declares independence from the Dream Team and makes his OWN gaming club: L’Manberg. He takes Eret (a close friend from his grade) and Fundy (the freshman he immediately adopted) with him, causing the two teams to be 3v3.
But Wilbur’s got a dastardly surprise up his sleeve: TOMMY, HIS YOUNGER BROTHER (bc I am nothing if not a dedicated crimebros stan), AND TUBBO. They’re both too young to actually attend Asagao yet, but theres no age rules in the actual competitions so its fair play. They’re Wilbur’s secret weapon. After all, a 5v3 where the team with the most wins wins the competition? That’s a massive advantage.
… we all know how this goes though don’t we. Wilbur’s day be so fine, then BOOM, Eret betrayal 😔
In this case Eret feels it’s a LITTLE unfair to blindside them like that, plus Dream promised to make him the Leader of the Dream Team and, yknow, that kind of stuff DOES look good on resumes, so…
TLDR; Eret rejoins the Dream Team crew, as well as informing them of Wilbur’s plan with including Tommy and Tubbo and becomes leader. They’re still letting Dream and Co. basically actually do the leading, they don’t care that much, the title is just nice. L’Manberg cusses her out and promises to hold a grudge, but it’s all in good fun. After all, they’re just teens goofing around and playing. The clubs are again 4v4.
Dream tells the L’Manberg club that they can separate, sure… under one condition. They have to win the competition. If they lose, they have to rejoin the Dream Team club.
L’Manberg accepts, but come competition day… they lose. Tommy outright challenges Dream post awards to a speedrun competition for L’Manberg instead. …which Dream professionally competes in, and Tommy DOESN’T.
He loses, but he puts up a good fight despite having little to no actual practice put in, so Dream “grants” L’Manberg their “Independence”. (In this au, instead of being like… weirdly obsessive over Tommy, it’s a lot more “he sees himself in Tommy and wants to support/mentor him” and a “friendly rivalry” kind of deal bc its a damn HIGH SCHOOL AU)
So L’Manberg can be it’s own club! …Next year, when Tommy and Tubbo actually attend, since Wilbur and Fundy aren’t allowed a two person club.
About the AU -- Election Era
SO time skip! Congrats, everything up to now has been BACKSTORY. It’s now the next school year, with two main clubs (I’ve tried to keep them fairly balanced, which is why not all CCs are featured, sorry!)
Dream Team club:
Dream - junior
George - senior
Sapnap - junior
Eret - senior
Punz - junior
BBH - senior
Awesamdude - junior
Ponk - junior
L’Manberg club:
Wilbur - senior
Tommy - freshman
Tubbo - freshman
Fundy - sophomore
Schlatt - senior
Quackity - junior
Niki - sophomore
Jack - sophomore
(Also fun fact! Their grades are loosely based on the CCs actual ages! …Except Fundy, who got Baby-fied to fit the “Wilbur’s Kid” joke, and Eret bc it fit better to be the same age as Wilbur I thought. Oops HEKANDNSN)
So, for whatever Reason (listen this was an au I made in like one night when plagued with brainrot, it’s not all figured out), L’Manberg holds an election. Maybe it’s related to Wilbur wanting L’Manberg to be meaningfully different from Dream Team, maybe it’s a joke, idk!
…. SOMEHOW, Schlatt wins. Which ticks off Wilbur a lot. It’s his damn club, and the whole point was to avoid Americans, tf?? The two start to feud a lot and it threatens to split the club entirely via ppl taking sides. Worse, it means people aren’t practicing for the competition.
All while this is happening, there’s a new intrigue building. Dream catches word of an infamous player in the area, someone known to win entire competitions against teams of people all by HIMSELF. A man with bright bubblegum pink hair called Technoblade. That’s right, literal universe-assigned protagonist Techno. If Dream could enlist him, there’s no doubt in hell they’d be able to beat L’Manberg.
L’Manberg hears of him too and works to try and enlist him as well, so he basically gets courted by both clubs trying to get him to play for them to mixed results. He’s pretty chill vibin by himself, so what’s in it for him? (….I don’t know, remember how this is a WIP au I worked on once?)
Eventually, a teacher named Phil (who’s been the honorary sponsor of the L’Manberg club) gets pissed at Schlatt and Wilbur’s fighting and bans both from competing (aka this AUs version of them dying). Which fucking SUCKS for L’Manberg. They’re now going 6v8 with a wildcard player who’s undeclared on which side he’ll join, if at all.
… honestly, that’s as far as I got. Theoretically, Techno joins L’Manberg to reflect Pogtopia and they win. I never had plans to go into s2 due to its darker theme, but there are definitely changes that could (and might?) be made for the s1 plot just so it flows better.
I already had to shift Wil and Schkatt’s “deaths” to fit, unless I were to have them LITERALLY make a new club. Maybe Schlatt uses his power as Club President to make them work with Dream Team (to the point it basically merges the clubs). Sure, they might be guaranteed to win now but it removes the competition and fun as well as the spirit of OG L’Manberg. So then Wilbur rebels and makes his own club AGAIN, calling it Pogtopia with the intent to get L’Manberg back. Then Techno, intrigued with this group of like 2-3 ppl going against a team of like 13ish people, decides to join them. Idk! Alternative possible plot based more closely on s1 I guess!
I’m gonna add a list of characters in full with their age, their club, and what they compete in (if it’s already brainstormed, most ppl are unknown) below
Character List
dream (DT) - junior - speedrunning
george (DT) - senior - coding/tech and invention
sapnap (DT)- junior -
eret (DT) - senior -
wilbur (LM) - senior - rhythm game/guitar hero-esque
tommy (LM) - freshman - (possibly pick up speed running during election arc?)
tubbo (LM) - freshman - chess
fundy (LM) - sophomore - coding/tech and invention
schlatt (LM) - senior - he never actually declares what he plans to play and then gets banned anyway, aka no game kekw
quackity (LM)- junior - dance
niki (LM) - sophomore -
jack (LM) - sophomore-
punz (DT) - junior -
bbh (DT) - senior -
awesamdude (DT) - junior -
ponk (DT) - junior
technoblade (SOLO) - junior - multiple categories
FINAL BIT
here’s some scraps for ppl who know Asagao already as well as small bits I didn’t bother to write up any further
- Karl, much like Mai, is ALSO aware of the 4th wall and has time travel powers because of it.
- Purpled (undecided if he’s a solo player like Techno or has his own team he competes with that’s not a formal club) plays Literally Bedwars in competitions
- Callahan is the Dream Team club sponsor, Phil is L’Manberg’s club sponsor
- Karlnapity is real and canon bc I say so
- both for balance/laziness, every person only competes in one category. also bc it makes Techno that much more Protagonist-y that he does
- I made this AU in like February man idk I’m just vibin
- Fuck I never even included Ranboo huh
#dream smp#mcyt#asagao au#og post#pwease read this you dont have to know asagao that much i swear#anything you do i explained plEASE fjdskfjl#asagao academy
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The Big Buddie for Dummies Guide
Hello party people and welcome to whatever this was supposed to be!
Quite a while ago I got an ask by someone about doing a guide on all the canon indicators for Buddie to explain the ship to non-shippers and about 5 anxiety attacks and four weeks later, I finally did it!
So read, enjoy, reblog, validate, disagree!
Also here are some notes before we get started:
Buddie has been around a while now and there are some incredibly people writing about them and doing meta posts for them, some of which I asked for their opinion which I will link at the end and some of which I am quoting in a way / have been inspired by (Also feel free to send me all and every post related and I will link it in the text as I will try to do the same)
This Guide is organised by the following themes we find in the show with Buddie: trust - coparenting - connection and love life - subtext
I’m not gonna lie, this is incomplete af because tbh? There is so much stuff that can be interpreted as evidence for Buddie but this is too long already so I left some stuff out, I hope ya’ll don’t mind … (also the reblog option exists for reason, just add on what I missed, I’m not gonna bite!)
I’m gonna assume the person who reads this has a general understanding of the show and its scenes because I cannot explain every scene down to it’s very detail (I mean I can but that’s another 20000 words worth of meta and not sure anyone wants to read that … again) but I will try and link fitting gifsets (again, send them my way if you feel I should include sth.)
I should also add a warning for the fact that I, personally, think I am hilarious but others might not but fellas, Idc! (Also I cuss, some people don’t like that?)
So let’s get this show on the road then, shall we? I call this meta : „We might end up real close.“
(alternate title: „Buddie stans ship hard but canon ships harder“ or „This is Timbo’s story (of becoming more famous than Joss Whedon) and I’m just it’s vessel“)
Trust
We’re gonna start this off strong (I mean all of them are strong themes) by talking about the biggest theme with Buddie which is trust. It goes all the way back to 2.01 and the gym scene and Buck basically telling Eddie he doesn’t trust him (complaining about Eddie’s comfort level, anyone?) and that he needs to earn that - which rude but also I get it.
In fact there are two main themes which I combined into Trust which begin in 2.01:
„You’re my problem“ and „You can have my back any day“ both of which sort of sum up Buddie, because from the get go Buck decides hey, this guy is my problem and then he proceeds to make everything about Eddie his business. Eddie meanwhile tells Buck he’d love to have him watching his back - meaning Eddie trusts him and wants Buck to be his partner.
(Side note: isn’t it beautiful how that is a complete reverse of their usual attitudes? Usually Buck trusts way to easy and Eddie never does but with each other it’s the opposite!)
Let’s look at the episodes in order, okay?
2.01: „I think I’ve seen this happen in porn before“
- „You’re my problem“: I’m gonna talk about the gym scene later a bit more but this sort of establishes the dynamic Buddie has? Because both are fascinated by and focused on each other from the get go. I mean: Eddie got to the 118 and everyone seemed to be nice to him except this one guy and instead of giving him a few days, thinking he’ll come around , Eddie is like: nah, I’ll confront him! Why? Maybe it’s gay, maybe it’s Maybelline, maybe Eddie „I am not enough“ Diaz was just sick and tired of everyone putting trust in him because soldier and craved the vibe check?
- „You can have my back“: Basically what happened was, they got the bomb out (being partners and in sync even when they didn’t like each other yet) and they stood outside and Eddie tries a new approach cause for some reason Eddie decided out of everyone at the 118 he needed Buck to like him specifically and so he pays the guy - who was nothing but rude to him so far but who is also very competent - a compliment and Buck gets all flustered and thankful - and „You’re my problem!“ gets rephrased into „Or you know, you could have mine!“
(Also the look of pure elation on Buck’s face when Eddie compliments him, you know the person Hen has basically said is so awesome and pretty it transcends sexualities? And he picks Buck of all people to have his back? Buck has no choice but to stan!)
- In terms of Trust we also get the pool scene which is our second instance of them being in sync and partners by both jumping into the pool and getting the guy out basically at the same time
2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“
- „Where do you want us, Cap?“: Now looking at the timeline of 2.01 they’ve known each other for approximately four days as this is their fourth shift together (we see) and yet Eddie is already comfortable enough to answer for himself and Buck several times. He’s the one who decides they will go in and he answers the roll call later for the both of them. This is our first real instance of them being in sync and just their whole interaction, from Eddie going along with Buck’s plan about the elevator to everything else just shows how much they already trust each other.
- „I, uh, I love kids“: Also Buck in this episode, why was it so important that Eddie knows you like kids? Please share!
- “Eddie, you’re kid is in the safest place he can be.“: Connected to this is a sub-theme I like to call: ‚They know each other better than anyone else does‘ which is established here with Buck realising that Eddie is full of shit when he pretends not to worry about Chris so Buck spends some time trying to assure Eddie Chris is safe at school.
- „Is everything okay?“: Of course, the fact that Buck was the only one to check in with Eddie’s mental state from the truck scene onwards is very telling, because everyone else likes and trusts him but they don’t really care (yet)
- And the episodes end with everyone reuniting with their families, including Eddie - while Buck watches from the car because Buck drove him there because he has his back (also see Subtext)
2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“
This whole episode is what made several people ship Buddie and well, I can see it and I will talk about a lot of it with the other themes but for now:
- „I just feel bad for him. (…) Eddie’s working on it“: This episode really leans into the whole „You’re my problem“ with Buck apparently driving Eddie to the hospital (or at least coming along) to Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby to worrying about them at home until finally he introduces him to Carla.
Mind you, they haven’t known each other that long, yet Buck feels the need to meddle in Eddie’s life and fix his problems for him which, yes, is very Buck thing to do but still: Considering Eddie was introduced to us as this super capable guy, it’s interesting that Buck immediately saw through him and decided: yeah, that guy needs me to take care of him.
Or you know, to have his back.
2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Oh, hi Shannon!“
- „I needed someone to have my back“: This episode establishes the significance of „You can have my back“ even more because in this episode Shannon comes back and you know what they fight about? Eddie not having her back. Shannon quite literally says „I needed someone to have my back“ which is almost the same exact Eddie tells Buck in 2.01 and with that wording as well ...
In the same scene Shannon also says how Eddie always knows best and is the one to make the decisions which is another parallel you can draw to Buddie where Eddie began like that in 2.01 (the scene at the mechanic’s) and then began to follow Buck’s lead (the elevator shaft) / let Buck help him (Carla))
2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“
I love this episode very much because there are several Buddie hints in there.
- “I think it’s none of our business.“: Connected to the topic of Trust is the scene between Chimney and Buck when they buy the Christmas tree and Buck keeps talking about Shannon coming to the station and the fact that Shannon and Eddie hooked up while Chim seems exasperated by this and frankly doesn’t care and he tells Buck as much, saying it’s none of their business. Except it is because Eddie is Buck’s problem, remember?
- „So … not gonna say anything?“: And then the „None of your / my business“ gets repeated in the scene when Buddie sits at the fountain talking about Chris and Shannon and they both say it’s none of Buck’s business. Yet Eddie then still tells Buck all about it sounding all defensive.
- It’s also the first instance of Eddie willingly searching out Buck’s advice about Christopher.
- And related to the topic of knowing each other well, considering how surprised Buck is by all of this, one sort of has to wonder how often they hang out outside of work. Because the way Buck acts makes one assume it’s quite a lot, which is why Buck is so hurt he doesn’t know about it.
- Also the fact that they so casually go somewhere with Christopher and the way Buck talks about him making it clear they have done this before.
- „Trying to protect your kid.“: On the topic of Trust I also wanna mention the fact that Eddie doesn’t trust Shannon with Christopher. Which is a direct parallel to 3.03 when Eddie tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with his son. And also 3.09 when Buck gets to be back in Chris’s life after the lawsuit as soon as Buddie made up yet Shannon needs to really beg for it? I mean, yeah.
2.13: „ Evan *I colour coordinate with bae while my sister is abducted and my brother is dying* Buckley“
- „Oh, no, I know what you were thinking.“: The scene at the hospital between Buck and Eddie does have a bit of subtextual relevance but I do think we should note the fact that this scene was in the show at all like this because wouldn’t Bobby have made a bit more sense? After all they spent one and a half Season before that making him the guy Buck goes to for advice and he has sisters as well, yet here we get Eddie being the one to talk to Buck.
We get Eddie basically telling Buck exactly what he needed to hear and while not exactly condoning his actions, he is also not judging them. Instead Eddie is telling Buck he might have done the same, because Eddie and Buck know each other and see each other.
So I wouldn’t necessarily call that scene Buddie-hinting but it does definitely play into the whole ‚having each other’s backs‘ and ‚knowing each other well‘ thing they got going on.
Also compare it to 3.06 in the way that both times Buck did something wrong and it was Eddie who actually took the time to listen to Buck’s reasoning and be the one to understand him, which is a very important part of their dynamic.
And the line „I wasn’t worried about that.“ in response to how Buck thought he would get away with all of this might be one of the top 10 heartbreaking lines of this show for me and that is saying a lot with 911!
2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“
I am not fully sure if the scene of Buck freaking out about Eddie going back in to save the kid really fits in here, but I’m also very unsure were else to put it, so Trust it is!
- „Eddie, what are you doing?”: It does fit into the whole having each other’s back thing with Buck immediately jumping into action to try and help Eddie
- But in all honesty prior to 3.14 this would have not made the cut as I would have been like: eh, that’s just who Buck is as a person - but as 3.14 will proof / has proven, he can be calm and collected even when his sister, his ACTUAL family is in danger and while I would argue it was in part because there was less he could do to actively help in 3.14, it still deserves to be mentioned now
- Side note: considering 2.13 / 2.14 and 3.14 / 3.15 this marks two occasions were Buck being worried for Maddie’s life was followed by an episode of Buck being worried for Eddie’s life and that too deserves mentioning
2.18: „insert *Jane Austen film*-gif: It’s about the hands!“
- I’m not really sure if this is really connected to Trust but Eddie holds Buck’s hand the whole time, even after he has dragged him out from under the firetruck until they disappear in the ambulance.
- Also the fact that Eddie, who is probably stronger than Chimney, is the one helping Hen drag Buck out from under the fire truck while Chimney helps lift it is … worth a mention.
- Definitely connected to Trust is Buck’s insistence to going to Eddie’s ceremony because this is Eddie and he has his back
3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“
Yes, this scene has a lot to unpack. In terms of *trust* / how well they know each other:
- „He’s just sulking, Cap“: Eddie says about Buck. In my opinion the phrasing combined with how before that they were talking about how Maddie can’t get Buck to leave the house and he won’t answer any of Bobby’s calls implies that either a) Eddie too has tried to contact Buck with no success or b) is actually in contact with Buck, has talked to him and has concluded based on what he saw that Buck is sulking - and yes, I am leaning toward b).
- “Maybe you’ll learn something.“: Which brings me to the fact that it’s Eddie who makes the plan to get Buck out of his funk and prove to him that he still has stuff to live for, despite how dismissive he had been about Buck’s feelings before, calling it sulking and saying Buck should just brush it off. Because Eddie has Buck’s back despite it all and is there for him and trusts him.
- „He’s hanging out with his Buck today“: In terms of actual Trust there is the fact that Buck is very much depressed in this episode - and what does Eddie do? Puts his son in his care, you know, the most important person in Eddie’s life, convinced that Buck will be able to take care of him despite how low and bad he is feeling about himself. One) because it has been the case for Eddie probably. Two) because this is who Buck is as a person even while depressed and Eddie trusts that. And three) because even before the Tsunami Eddie was very sure about how much Buck loved Chris.
- „Honestly I don’t know how to help him.“: This also parallels Maddie with Eddie in an interesting way because Maddie spends the whole episode worried about Buck and thinking he cannot take care of himself, while Eddie trusts in Buck to not only take care of himself but also his son. Which yeah, interesting.
3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“
- The episode sort of proves that while the others may have known what Eddie was gonna do, Operation „Buck up Buck“ was his plan because he is the one who has Buck’s back. (Considering for example Maddie doesn’t know about it as she thinks Buck is home and had Chim been involved he would have told her beforehand meaning this was Eddie’s plan and he executed it and then told the others about it while at work.)
- Also in terms of literal Trust: LA is hit by a Tsunami and Eddie doesn’t worry about his son once because Buck said they are going to the movies next and also because Eddie trusts Buck to protect Chris like he would.
3.03 „‚Do it for the trauma!‘ - Buck-edition“
Once again a subtext-mill but there is some textual evidence as well:
- “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?“: At the VA hospital Buck calls Eddie his best friend when he talks to Maddie which I always found weird in this context? Because it should always be hard to tell another person about how you got their child killed (which is not my opinion but the way Buck sees it here, okay?), yet the writers choose to put in a reference to how much Eddie means to Buck.
- Which connects to another subtext and text thing which is the voiceover which has Buck say the lines: „To be seen. To be found. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?“ after talking to Eddie, which no longer just implies this is about Eddie but actually straight up says it - and it connects to the sub-topic of how well they know each other, cause Buck says in this episode: Eddie is my best friend and he sees me for who I really am. Which, yeah, is stuff one usually finds in connection to a love interest. (Will talk about it more with Subtext though)
- Also before that the voiceover has Buck say „Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are to where we wanna be, where we need to be.“ right as Eddie knocks on the door, which basically states that Eddie and Chris might be where Buck wants to be but also how Eddie apparently knows how to get Buck there. Because he knows him so well. (He literally calls Eddie his life raft in the voiceover!)
- „Buck, there is nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you”: Now the Trust theme in regards to the loft scene is interesting in how it compares Buck to two people in Eddie’s eyes / life: Shannon and himself. Shannon, as I already said, we have with 2.07 and 2.10, both of which talked about how she left Chris (and Eddie) and how Eddie no longer trusts her because of this and refuses to let her back into Chris’s life. Which is different to how he always lets Buck back into Chris’s life, even after the lawsuit with virtually no hesitation once they made up as far as we can see. Meaning he trusts Buck more than he trusts Shannon. Who is, you know, his wife?
As for Eddie himself, I’m gonna flashforward a bit to 3.08 and the conversation between Eddie and Bobby. Because in 3.03 Eddie talks about messing up with Chris, yet how he never stops trying and how he knows Buck is the same way - which is interesting considering 3.08 has Eddie basically say that he has not forgiven himself for all those mistakes. Yet he forgives Buck both for the Tsunami and abandoning them during the lawsuit.
And now I wanna say something very controversial and hurtful but also connected to how I read Buddie and Trust which is that in my opinion? Eddie includes himself here. Eddie tells Buck here he trusts him more or at the very least just as much as he trusts himself with his son. Which is pretty big, considering he barely trusted his wife, the mother of said son, who he has known for at the very least about 11 years during Season 2? Someone he himself said he loves? Someone he at one point planned his future with? (Meaning he most definitely plans his future with Buck in it now…)
3.04 „discount!Buck in the house“
- Two things are in this episode, both of which are very much not about Trust in the literal sense but how much time Buddie spends together outside of work:
“Can’t fight city hall.“ Eddie being the only one on board with the fire drill Buck’s leading because he is a boy scout who follows all the rules but also because Buck probably talked to him about his job as fire marshal beforehand and so Eddie knows how important what is happening here is to Buck.
„You don’t know math.“: now, you can think this is another dig at Buck’s intelligence but you also have to acknowledge that at one point Eddie might have either heard someone reference Buck’s math knowledge in front of Eddie or Eddie has seen Buck try doing math and has remembered that well enough to immediately be able to pull out that dig. (Which brings us to a parallel I will talk about later!)
- “Uh, who - who’s that?“: I also firmly believe that Buck would have not been as willing to go along with the lawsuit, despite Bobby’s betrayal, had Eddie not immediately rushed off toward Lena at the firehouse, making Buck think Eddie (his partner) has replaced him. Does no longer need him to have his back.
3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“
Ah, yes, that episode! Filled with Buddie signs!
- “And if Cap says he’s not ready, he’s not ready.“: What I find interesting in terms of Buddie and Trust is the fact that Eddie apparently trusts Bobby’s judgement more than he trusts Buck’s. Which I find OOC. Or not because Eddie is a soldier and Eddie grew up fairly authoritarian it seems his first instinct will be to follow the chain of command / do as the person in charge tells him to.
- Now everything else that happens after including and specifically the street fighting storyline? That was a direct result of the lawsuit and the deposition in which Buck betrayed Eddie’s trust by revealing the info about Shannon. Which Buck is aware of because up until this point we see him still looking up, yet after this he drops his eyes and doesn’t really look at anyone again during the deposition.
- “And I’m not allowed to talk to Buck.“: Yet. YET despite this massive betrayal in Eddie’s eyes what stops him from calling Buck later is the fact that he wasn’t allowed to do so! Nothing else. Also the phrasing is very interesting as it gives us three entities Eddie considered to call: his abuela, Buck and the 118, meaning Hen, Chim and Bobby - the people he will call his family about 6 episodes later - are an uniformed mass but Buck is his own person - because up to this point Buck always had Eddie’s back. And we all know he still would have had! (Sidenote: this line is what made me an actual shipper and why ya’ll can read posts like this, so maybe say thank you to Lyndsey Beaulieu? Or fuck you, depending on your opinion of me ;P)
- „And now I can’t even talk to you.“: This whole scene gives huge character exposition and I’ve talked a shit ton about the fight in the grocery store before as have a lot of other people, but basically what it boils down to is that Eddie is mad at Buck because he revealed things about them to his lawyer but mostly because Eddie thought they had each others back and trusted each other and apparently Buck doesn’t trust and care about him the same way Eddie does for him because he didn’t even consult Eddie about the lawsuit? And Eddie misses Buck a lot. And Chris misses Buck a lot. And Eddie is already mad because Shannon wanted a divorce despite how hard he tried and then she died, meaning she left him again and now Buck left him as well and why is Eddie never enough for anyone?
And of course, as always, Eddie is mad at himself the most because he wasn’t enough for Shannon and he wasn’t enough for Buck and he’s probably not enough for Chris who is struggling so much and Eddie just feels angry and lost all the time!
I think this is the moment Buck finally understands how much he means to Eddie truly. How Eddie meant every word in 3.03. How for once someone actually trusted him, depended on him - and he let them down. Which was never his intention because Buck never understood that he could (which is not the topic of this post though).
- “Why can’t you see my side of things?“: On Buck’s side, while he isn’t nearly as mad as Eddie, he does raise the question of why Eddie didn’t have his back - which is a very fair question but Eddie is still too mad at Buck here to hear it.
- What is also very interesting about this scene is that no one, not even Bobby who was actually sued by Buck, is as mad at him as Eddie is and no one dares steps between them. Probably because everyone recognises they are closest with each other, so the conversation hits a bit different and also is about a lot more than the „stupid lawsuit“. Yeah.
(Real talk I have been very mad at friends before and I am known to make scenes but damn, this scene does not read platonic at all, it reads ‘married couple fights in grocery store in LA - what happens next will surprise you. News at 11.’)
- In other news, Eddie didn’t come to the rage room in the end and Buck was very very sad about it.
3.06: „*cries about the framing*“
(Sidenote: I feel Eddie so much in this episode, I too would be too embarrassed to talk to Buck had I just screamed at him in a grocery store in full view of all our coworkers. I too would avoid everyone like the plague and maybe join a fight club just so I would not have to deal with those feelings. I get it, my dude!)
- “Whew, dude, are you okay?“: We’ll talk about it with 3.08 as well, but it is very significant and pointed that Buck immediately knows something is wrong with Eddie when no one else at the station had seemed to be aware of that.
- “I don’t know what you want from me, Buck“: The apology scene is very subtext heavy but what it comes down to in the whole having each other’s back / knowing each other well / Trust - column is the fact that after being mad and avoiding him all day Eddie still sticks around and more importantly actually listens to Buck - which, as shitty as that sounds, but considering how he acted before if Eddie hadn’t wanted to still be Buck's friend he could have said something shitty and left or stayed and not actually listened to what Buck had to say - but he didn’t because as hurt as Eddie had been by Buck’s betrayal he still trust him and he wants to understand, which I do think sets Eddie apart from everyone else because Hen and Chim forgive Buck but they don’t ever try to figure out where he is coming from while Bobby is … being Bobby about all of. Eddie meanwhile, who has the most or maybe the only right to actually be mad about the lawsuit, still trusts Buck enough to know that he had his reasons and actually takes the time to listen to them. Even if he is being sassy.
- And on Buck’s side we do have his need to reconnect with Eddie the whole episode and we have him notice stuff about Eddie no one else did and we also have the really beautiful and mature line of Buck saying: „I just want you to talk to me. Even if it’s just to say you’re still mad.“ Which I love very much and tells us a lot about Buck and communication, because Buck values openness so much.
- “And I just wanted to…“ - „Punch someone?“: Also while it was important for Buck to explain himself to someone - it was especially important for him to explain himself to Eddie, both because he considers Eddie his best friend and also because the grocery store scene showed him how much he means to Eddie which probably floored Buck because as we learned before and also after: Buck is not used to people needing him as much as he needs them.
3.08: „XOXO gossip (fire)fighters“
- “Whoo. Nice truck.“: One thing about 911 is that it’s a very plot and action driven show, meaning sometimes it will lack the time to actually show us certain things, especially when it comes to relationships, so it relies a lot on telling us things about characters and their relationships and as these scenes here show us they do a good job at it. Buddie talking about Eddie buying a new truck is very casual and banter-y / flirty (this is a Buddie post so I call it like I see it) and light and shows us: hey, they are friends again and close again and they know each other very well - while also showing us: Eddie still keeps stuff from Buck but Buck knows something is off.
- “Eddie too.“: Which brings me to my next point and the thing I love most about this episode aside from Heidi which is Buck running around and going: ‚something is wrong with Eddie‘ while everyone else is like: ‚Eddie? Are you sure? I haven’t noticed anything‘
Which leaves two ways to read this:
Eddie and the rest of the 118 aren’t as close as it seems and they do not care about Eddie that much - which considering all the deep talk between Eddie and Chimney in 3b especially and the fact that he calls them his family would be fucked up and also doesn’t seem like the vibe they are going for OR
BUDDIE! I mean, look at what has been going on with the street fighting storyline, essentially the writers went: okay, so Eddie can't talk to Buck so he goes completely off the rails but no one will know because Eddie hides it so well - EXCEPT Buck will realise sth is wrong the second he looks at Eddie and once the lawsuit is done he will spend two episodes running after Eddie and trying to figure out what is going on
3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“
- “He’s kind of obsessed with natural disasters.“: Honest question: Is Buck really obsessed with natural disasters or does Eddie have earthquake related trauma and Buck has been googling stuff and telling him facts to calm Eddie down every time the earth vibrates a little because a train or something passes them by?
In any case it’s a very cute scene with Eddie once more revealing how well he knows Buck and the writers confirming to us that yes, these boys spent a lot of time with each other and talking to each other - without needing to show the scenes
- “I could still take you“: AFTER ALL they needed the runtime to do this other little scene this fandom has not talked about at all ever mainly because it is so very straight basically people stopped shipping after.
I’m just kidding, obviously the whole scene was very queer both in subtext but especially in text, I mean, what even was that line about still taking him, Buck? There is a child not even 15 feet away, where is your sense for decency and decorum? DO YOU WANT TO TRAUMATISE HIM EVEN MORE???
A few notes on this scene:
- It’s been pointed out to me that Maddie complains about how everything around there gets shared with the 118 and how Buck … turns around and shares everything about his sister with Eddie, which I love because it seems so normal and comfortable between them like they do that all the time, which is way cute and domestic!
Added to that considering the conversation Eddie had the week before with Bobby about Shannon and the throwaway reference about thinking his marriage having been complicated, I wonder: Did Eddie talk to everyone about the street fighting and Shannon after his talk with Bobby in 3.08? Did he just talk to Buck about it? Did Buck know about Shannon wanting a divorce all along? (Yeah, you know were I am leaning, right?)
- “Especially if you aren’t around to see that they need saving“: As for the apology in and off itself, I’m not gonna talk about the character implications again cause been there done that, send an ask if you wanna know more, but what it comes down to is: Buck acknowledging that he should have been there for Eddie and he didn’t consider the Eddie of it all when he sued Bobby, which is interesting because OFFICIALLY Eddie really is just his best friend and coworker at this point so did he really have to consider his feelings all that much?
Also Buck is saying - and Eddie is not contradicting this - that Eddie street fighting would not have happened if Buck had been around, which, to quote a good friend of mine: Uff!
I think we can admit that while Eddie was mad at Buck, his anger was not primarily about Buck but it was amplified by Buck abandoning him. We can admit that Buck was what ultimately caused Eddie to lose his control and considering everything that Eddie went through in the past year with Shannon and considering everything Buck went through in the past two years: this is as close to unconditional love as these two can manage at the time and that is very beautiful and does support Buddie 100%. They are each other’s anchor and person the one they turn to in a crisis.
Or well, Buck is for Eddie. Buck does have more people like that in his life with his sister there and I do think before the lawsuit he wasn’t fully aware that he could depend on Eddie so fully because Buck always doubts how committed other people are to him because abandonment issues.
3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“
- „This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.“: Incredibly strong indicator / implications toward how much time these two boys spent with each other, considering how comfortable both of them are in each other’s space (and I don’t mean physical but material space). Eddie has a key to Buck’s apartment and just let’s himself in willy-nilly, while Buck is around in Eddie’s place often enough to not think of himself as a guest there. (And while that might be normal best friend behaviour to some of us, Maddie’s words imply that it is not for her / the Buckleys.)
3.14: „Frank says ‚Thank you, this paid for my new house!‘“ / 3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“
I’m gonna group these two together, since 3.14 in itself doesn’t have any relevance considering Eddie isn’t even in the episode but it does become relevant in regards to 3.15!
- Basically what it all comes down to is the contrast between Buck’s reaction to Maddie being in danger and his reaction to Eddie nearly dying!
Now I already said while talking about 2.14 part of it was that Buck was aware he was in no position to help Maddie and might actually make stuff worse if he intervenes while with Eddie he was HIS ACTUAL LIFELINE! He was actually responsible for getting Eddie out of the well and home to his family. BUT (!) it’s still very pointed, especially remembering they apparently changed the order of episodes around? Meaning we are really hit with the contrast and we have to consider the implications of it all!
- Also just Buck’s reaction in general, even with Chimney and Maddie in Season 2 he wasn’t this frantic, he wasn’t freaking out like that! This really seems like all those scene’s shows like that usually do to confirm one person is in love with the other by having them completely loose it at the prospect of the other dying.
And damn, does 911 delivers here, not just with Buck literally trying to dig down to Eddie with his bare hands but also with his conviction for the rest of the episode before going sort of catatonic near the end. Basically Buck was going through the 5 stages of grief over Eddie during the course of this episode and we just? Let him?
- Of course we should mention Buck has Eddie’s back always, so he doesn’t give up on him and doesn’t entertain the notion of Eddie possibly being dead for even a microsecond because this is Eddie and Buck needs him!
- And to add to the list of heartbreaking lines we have Hen saying: „Why? So we have two cut lines?“ because yes, Buck would choose to stay down there rather than let himself be saved if Eddie was already dead - and if Eddie wasn’t he would force Eddie to trade lines with him so Buck could be the one to die because Buck thinks Eddie’s life is more valuable than his and also he is a selfless idiot who loves Eddie more than himself - which frankly is a mutual thing if we look at 3.03
Option #3 btw would be that Hen knows Eddie has a legitimate reason to cut his line and he would explain that to Buck and - considering who they are - Buck would immediately agree and cut his line as well.
Anyways, no matter which option the writers were thinking off this line is heartbreaking and the implication interesting!
To sum it all up, the episode basically said: Buck would die for Eddie and he loves him more than anything else
- The Eddie implications of this episode are mostly Subtext, so we’ll get to them later in case you thought I forgot!
3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“
Tbh I do not think that this episode was really about how no person can be happy / live without regrets / not be lonely unless they are in a relationship with someone or they would not have put that much focus on the relationship between Maddie and Buck and the fact that his abandonment issues stem from her leaving.
- “He’s not gonna do it alone“: As for Buddie, the episode goes back to them being partners and in sync with the roof thing and yay, it has a different ending then the reversed situation the episode before but also it features a metaphor we will talk about later
- “Hey, you’re more than welcome to come and celebrate with a bunch of 9 year olds.“: Just like we will talk later about Eddie inviting Buck to the sleepover! Because while I don’t think the invite was all that serious and I don’t think even considering everyone else, Buck would have taken him up on it because celebrating with a bunch of 9 year olds around isn’t what Buck had in mind, it’s very interesting that the first person taken out of the equation is the guy Buck is closest to and probably spends the most time with.
- And now let’s talk about the playing pool scene because it once again shows that 1) Buck and Eddie are very alike, 2) they know each other very well and 3) they care about each other the most!
Because for 1) I do wanna point everyone to the fact that Eddie doesn’t have anyone outside his family and the 911 either or they would have mentioned him staying in contact with his army buddies or something.
2) Eddie is the only one who actually listens to what Buck says and gets what Buck is really asking, while Bobby, Hen and Chim are all too focused on their own experiences to get that the reason Buck tries so hard to help Red is because he thinks he is Red (I mean they do get it, but they don’t really realise how serious this is for Buck - yet)
3) There is also a lot of focus on Eddie in this scene which we will talk about later as well but it picks up the whole ambiguous „us“ from the grocery store which technically refers to the whole firefam but the way it’s said still implies that it is about the two of them especially.
To anticipate a bit: every time the word „Us“ is used in this scene Buddie only looks at each other. When Buck says „I mean that would never happen … to us.“ he looks at everyone else but turns to look at Eddie as he very pointedly says „to us“ and keeps his focus there for a moment. Eddie meanwhile technically turns to the pool table while he says the word „us“ but he only focuses on Buck before this and doesn’t look at anyone else because to him: Buck is the important aspect here. And no one else!
Not to mention the intense look Buck gives Eddie (and only Eddie) when he says „Better not.“. Like damn, in 3 Seasons Buck has never sounded this threatening before!
Basically the way this scene is acted combined with the words that were written it sort of reads like them going: We’re all family here but you and me will most definitely never leave each other!
I mean there is a reason why Buddie used the ambiguous „us“ while everyone else talked about the firefam being friends or being family.
(And yes, that might be a bit of a reach but this is a Buddie guide after all, so we are going with the buddie-est interpretation!)
3.17: „‚Don’t say her name‘-challenge“
- “Uh no, someone else.“: More of a subtext scene but it does seem pointed that Buck refuses to admit that he was thinking about Abby here, considering Bobby most definitely knew that Buck was talking about Abby because he was there for the hot-air balloon date, so even if he did not remember right away he knew the second Buck said he didn’t know from Maddie and since Hen and Chimney weren’t there in the truck (and also, they probably would have known who Buck was talking about as well) the only one Buck was hiding from was Eddie.
Which makes sense, even if you only look at them as best friends, because Eddie only saw the aftermath and what we canonically know that he heard about Abby were things like Buck’s speech in 2.08, so … even as just Buck’s friend he must really dislike her
(Also there is that whole parallel one can draw between Abby and Shannon which I talked about here)
- „Buck invites Eddie“: So I’ve been going back and forth on what to write here for a few hours now and what it comes down to is this: despite being 6500 words deep into a meta on Buddie and knowing full well the writers so far have no intention of actively doing Buddie, I would not accuse 911 of queerbaiting. HOWEVER, if the show ends and Buddie doesn’t happen I will consider this scene queerbaiting because there would have been ways to write this that did not leave the implications it did because the way it has been written the text is:
„If I bring my romantic life-partner to dinner with my best friend he will bring his romantic life-partner who will invite her brother who will invite his best friend and then we have to invite this other couple we are all close with.“ and well, one of them is not like the others, right?
(Well, technically two but Maddie and Buck are most definitely siblings despite that scene in 2.01)
Because essentially what that scene did here was say: If I bring my wife the evening turns into this couples night with all our friends - except Buck and Eddie aren’t a couple.
And sure, just like all great queerbaits there is a reasonable explanation as well as a completely platonic way to read this because of course Buck would not wanna be all alone with two couple so he would bring his best friend and the we’d have to invite the other couple we know as well so they don’t feel left out.
EXCEPT - and this is why it feel pointed and queerbait-ey: We have already seen the 118 hang out without Athena and Bobby at Chimney’s birthday and it was never mentioned to us whether they were invited and didn’t come - or Chimney didn’t invite them. Both explanations sort of make Hen’s point moot because it does proof that they can hang out without their boss slash friend and his wife slash her best friend without it being a big deal meaning especially if this was a make-up dinner for Chimney’s birthday they wouldn’t have needed to be there.
There is also the fact that supposably Alfred is still in town? You know, Chimney’s brother? So if they wanted to avoid the Buddie implication they could have also thrown in how Chim might bring his brother like:
„I invite you, so he invites Maddie, Maddie invites Buck, Buck invites Eddie, Chim might invite Alfred, and now we gotta invite Athena and Bobby“ - see how that has a completely different feel? Now there are three single guys and two of which are siblings of someone else in the group while the third is friends with the rest of the group, making this sound less like couples night out and more like a group of friends hanging out.
But they didn’t do it like that so now it feels like they are pointedly equating Buddie with the canon couples of the show which is quite queerbait-ey.
3.18: „TrainCRASH? More like train WRECK? *cries*“
Okay, so this episode is a little hard to do because there is so much going on and a lot of it is very hard to categorise! As for the topic of Trust and having each other’s back:
- I do think that a lot of Eddie here come down to having Buck’s back - even when Buck might not think that’s what Eddie’s doing like in the train car, but he probably realised later which is why we see Buck talk about it with Bobby but not with Eddie because they are at this point where you no longer need to have clarifying talks (about stuff like that, once romantic!Buddie hits they’ll have to do all the talking).
And that’s basically it when it comes to Trust because most of what is happening in the episode when it comes to Buddie is Subtext!
Coparenting
I think this theme needs less of an explanation - though I do wanna point out that while I think Buck has fatherly feelings for Chris and Chris loves Buck a lot, Buck is not actually his parent / father. He is slowly getting there and if or when Buddie happens he might become Chris’s other parent but right now he is not. So this theme is about Buck being a honorary member of the Diaz family in general and Eddie’s treatment of him most of all.
Because the way I see Eddie him dating anyone would always be tied to his son. Eddie has been shown to be someone who would do anything for family and his son in particular, so the fact that Buck is tied into this family is important. It also shows how much they are already a family without actually dating and proofs they spent more time with each other than we see and more than with anyone else.
I should also say that there is a very heavy overlap between this and the category of Subtext so some things will be repeated but all of them deserve to be repeated so there is that.
2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“
- Like I already said when I discussed Trust Buck is the only one asking who Eddie is trying to reach, he is the only one trying to reassure Eddie and he does so even though Eddie is being sarcastic and pretending he doesn’t need to be comforted - also a staple in their relationship
And I think this is also were their dynamic of Buck being Eddie’s go to person when it came to Chris came from. Buck told Eddie he liked kids and then he proceeded to actually show Eddie he means it and he cares and considering Eddie says the mother isn’t in the picture and Chris has no one else (which as we learn throughout the show is not 100% true because technically Eddie's parents are there, even if they have no idea how to properly raise Chris, but in LA Eddie doesn’t really have anyone (yet) he feels comfortable burdening with his fears about Chris), so that must mean one hell of a lot.
- “Hey. Service.“: There is also the moment at the end of 2.03 when Buck immediately tells Eddie: hey, service is back! and then he drives Eddie to pick up Chris which is a scene that has so much subtext so we’ll talk about it later! It does however give us our first‚ Diazs plus Buck‘-family moment because while we see everyone reuniting with their loved ones, we see Buck with Eddie and Chris and yeah.
2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“
- One of my favourite things about Buddie is how they manage to be exactly what the other person needs - or in case of this episode figure out exactly what the other person needs and giving it to them. It’s happening here and again in 3.01 and 3.03 and some other smaller moments as well (see 2.01 honestly).
It’s also interesting that Buck is the one to drive Eddie again because we saw he has a car! So why is that? Maybe because he knows the way better?
As for the coparenting happening here, aside from Buck introducing Eddie to Carla because he knows she is what Eddie needs, we also have Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby which is something Eddie apparently hadn’t considered but Buck had and instead of telling Eddie he needs to do that - he does it for him! Because that’s who Buck is but also because Buck realised in this episode how much Eddie really needs someone to have his back and just do stuff for him.
2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Hi Shannon“
- And in terms of having each other’s back this episode really shows the significance of this phrase with Shannon pointing out, like I said before, that from her point of view Eddie didn’t have her back. She needed him to be her husband and her coparent and he wasn’t.
Now we can argue whether that is true or not but it’s still an important parallel and puts Eddie turning toward Buck for advice into a new light.
Because as Shannon points out Eddie was never good at letting other people make decisions for him or with him before yet we continuously see him turning toward Buck for exactly that: sharing the load with him. And to put that even more into perspective: Buck is the youngest from their friend group, he is the one considered immature and he is the one without kids or younger siblings, yet he is the one Eddie choose for helping.
2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“
- The interesting thing here is that Buck as Eddie’s friend really doesn’t have any right to know about what was happening between Shannon and Eddie if Eddie didn’t want him to, but Buck as Eddie’s family does (a little).
But either way this episode gives us another instance of Eddie confiding in Buck about his family problems - problems he again is the one most inexperienced with. In other words Eddie talking to Buck about it was really about Eddie wanting Buck’s opinion specifically.
There is also the fact that Buck came to see Santa with Eddie in the first place which is most definitely a family affair as far as I know US customs? (We don’t do this in Germany / Bavaria, okay? We have the Child of Christ and around the 6th we gather in the town square and shoot at it.)
It’s even brought up in text with the Elf telling Buck they make a beautiful family - and Buck not disagreeing because honestly it’s just easier and he probably knows how they looked. But yeah. That!
- Also not to repeat myself but the topic of trust is important here! Eddie not trusting Shannon in 2.07 / 2.10 with Chris vs. trusting Buck in 3.03 / 3.09 / 3.10 is important!
Yes, sure Shannon is his actual mother so Chris has stronger feelings for her and the potential to get hurt is way bigger. Yes, Buck was only gone from their life for a few weeks while Shannon was gone for about 2 years. Yes, Buck apologised twice while Shannon just played the victim card tbh (even though she did have a point with some of the stuff she said). But still:
Eddie is very hesitant to let Shannon back into his son’s life (and really his as well) while he does have no such qualms about Buck once Buck apologises to him in 3.06. In fact their relationship returns to normal with Eddie asking Buck for help with Chris numerous times while say 2.15 makes it clear Eddie still keeps Shannon at arms’ length and out of a lot of aspects of raising Chris.
Of course, giving advice to Eddie is not the same level of involved as actually parenting the child and part of it is probably growth on Eddie’s side when it comes to Season 3 but right here: it’s a stark contrast and it deserves a mention!
2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“
- „Ice cream? Oh, I do not envy you putting him to sleep tonight!“: There is the scene here where Eddie facetimes with Shannon and she is out and about with Chris and Abuela and they are getting ice cream and Eddie is all like: damn you’ll regret that later - which is the same thing he says about Buck in 3.02
3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“
- Buck gets a card from Chris which is a child thing to do but also should be mentioned because Buck does not get a card from Danny or Harry. And considering how much Buck likes children and how good he is with them we do have to mention that we only see Buck interact with Danny once and never with Harry while it’s been implied several times before the tsunami already that Buck does spend a lot of time with Chris. (Of course, in part this is due to how much closer Buck is with Eddie than Hen and especially Athena but still)
After all the season ends with Chris giving a card to his literal father, tying these two scenes together. And pointing out once again how important Buck is for Chris and the Diaz family.
- Also as I mentioned during Trust there is that parallel / contrast between how Maddie and how Eddie see Buck with Maddie sort of treating him like a child who needs to be dealt with while Eddie is basically like: let’s give him something to do so he feels less useless! (Guess who had the right idea! Just guess! And you have one try!)
- „Are we the only one’s without kids?“: There is also the cut from Madney talking about being the only one’s without kids and then remembering Buck to Buck getting woken up by Eddie so he can babysit Chris which I won’t say confirms Buck being a father to Chris but does accentuate everything he does for Chris after and gives the vibe that Buck does indeed have some fatherly feelings for Chris. It does at least place the idea of the Diazs WITH Buck being a family firmly into our heads.
3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“
- „How’s operation Buck up Buck going?“: Buck sending Eddie updates and pictures of Chris and himself hanging out is just really cute
- Also Eddie isn’t worried about his son at all!
- And we do have that tweet from Oliver Stark about jumping into the receding water at the end of 3.02 being basically suicide but Buck still doing it because the director told him, he’d do it for his own kids.
3.03 „Do it for the trauma - Buck-edition“
- I talked about it before with Trust but basically Eddie, who has parents who are still alive and physically able and love his son very much, even if they have different ideas of how to raise his son, and a sister with at least one child not that much older than Chris and a grandma and an aunt and probably some more family in LA AND Carla who he literally pays to take care of his son, literally tells his best friend he is the one he trusts the most with said son. That is fucking meaningful!
3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“
- „You know how much Chris misses you?“: The fact that Eddie brings Chris up at all and to hurt Buck specifically is - in part about Eddie deflecting from himself but also about Christopher actually missing Buck, which says a lot about the relationship Chris and Buck have and how much time they spent together if that is something Eddie would bring up here.
3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“
- „I’d rather be at home with my kid, enjoying the one good thing I got going on.“: Eddie says these words during therapy and where do him and his son spent the following evening or at least an evening that same week? With Buck at his loft. Because even though Buck wasn’t mentioned here as part of the family time Eddie would much rather have, apparently he is part of it.
3.10: „Parenttrapping for Beginners“
- „Well, I thought it would be nice to bring the boys together for a playdate.“ - „All three of `em.“: this speaks for itself, Buck being invited in the first place was … an interesting choice? A dig at Buck’s mental age? Exposition? What exactly, Tim? Like what was the vibe in the writers room here?
- „Hey, Buck? (…) Can I spent Christmas with you?”: The fact that Chris would rather spent Christmas with Buck than with his grandma and the rest of their family is interesting as well and again points toward Buck being an integral part of the Diaz family.
- The way Eddie looks at Buck here and the little head shake implied to me that Buck and Eddie had the same conversation Eddie and Hen have right then already.
3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“
- “Well, that’s what the 118 is. The family we chose.“: Again maybe more subtext than text but when Eddie talks about the 118 being his family the camera pans to *drumroll* Chris, his actual blood family, Albert, Chim’s actual blood family - and Buck, who is basically Chim’s little brother and Eddie’s, well, best friend? Coparent? Partner in work and life? SOULMATE?
Yes, it’s a little subtext, but it’s interesting that this scene shows only one character neither of them are related to and it’s Buck, emphasising once more that these two and especially Eddie (because he’s the one talking here) think of Buck as their family.
3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“
- “(…) we should try it together”: Again with the emphatic inclusion of Buck in family scenes! (But this time Carla gets to be there as well - though only to record them?)
This episode introduces Ana Flores as a potential love interest for Eddie and then spends the whole episode contrasting and paralleling her with Buck, as one does …
In this episode as well Eddie gets advice about Chris from several people and it’s interesting that the one person whose advice he follows without disagreeing or trying something else first is once again Buck.
The episode also maybe implies that Buck was the one to built or buy or find out about the skateboard.
But really what matters here is Eddie reaffirming that there is no one he trusts more with his son (because he refused to take Carla’s advice right away but he did listen and think about what Buck had to say right away - despite his joking) and Buck being included in the family scene.
3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“
- „I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family.“: I’m not gonna comment on the lack of Shannon in the montage because I do believe part of it was that they didn’t really have scenes that fit and would have had to film them specifically which would then have to fit into the timeline / storyline before and also mostly it was about Shannon already being dead meaning she is no longer part of the family Eddie can come home to, so it makes a hell of a lot of sense for her not to be included, guys!
That being said I do believe Buck being in it quite a lot means something about how much of a part in Eddie’s family he is! Which is a big part and something I love about them a lot!
- Also Buck was so very happy Chris came to visit and then immediately walked over, which doesn’t really have any relevance except I thought it was cute and this is my guide.
3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“
- Obviously it was meant jokingly, but Eddie would have loved if Buck came and not just because being alone with a bunch of 9 year olds is no one’s idea of a fun evening and Eddie could probably use the help (still hoping Carla was there with him and still surprised Eddie was in such a good mood during the pool scene after), but because he likes to spend time with Buck and he did wanna celebrate with him - but he was also very aware that spending the evening with 9 year olds was not what Buck envisioned so he said it jokingly.
3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“
- “Whoa! Whoa! Two weeks from home? Isn’t Chris kinda young for that?“: I don’t think I need to say more about that scene really, I think everyone who saw it understood that it confirmed the 118 but especially Buck being fairly involved in Christopher’s life and how that confirms: Buck = part of the Diaz family.
- Also all the interactions between Buck and Chris at the party both with and without Eddie around I mean, yeah, again, meaningful!
- In conclusion: Eddie, Chris and Buck are family and dems the facts!
Connection and love life
Now, this is where we are slowly going subtext and also really interpretation heavy!
The title might be a bit missleading but I didn’t really know how else to sum all aspects up. Basically this theme is about their love live but also about the parallels between their storylines - especially when it comes to their love life!
Also this theme isn’t organised by episode but by subtopics because I summed up so many different aspects here.
Parallels in their storylines:
- 3.15 / 3.16 and the rope metaphor as a metaphor for their dating life:
Technically the rope is a metaphor for their lives and them letting go of things in general but especially about their dating life because for Eddie in my opinion this is when he really fully comes to terms with Shannon’s death while Buck finally admits to his abandonment issues, in part caused by Abby leaving.
(Side note: the fact that Eddie choose to cut his line just like he choose to actually do therapy to deal with his issues for Christopher’s sake while Buck’s burns away and he is literally forced to deal with his issues through being confronted with Red and running into Abby at the train crash is … something.)
Their dating life is being paralleled:
This really isn’t technically something that explains why you should ship them but I do think it’s interesting that from the get go their love lives have been happening in parallels / contrasts to each other? As if they were connected? Magnets?
So yeah, that and also it goes like this:
- 2.01: Eddie references Buck being single
- 2.02 / 2.03: Eddie first mentions Shannon but indicates a break-up / Buck meets Ali and seems to bond with her
- 2.04: both refuse to hook up with any of the girls at the bar and don’t want to date because they consider themselves taken (I know Eddie says it’s about Chris but Buck called bullshit here and text told us to trust Buck on what he says about Eddie)
- 2.06: Buck flirts with Taylor and Eddie acts a bit jealous
- 2.07: While Buck finally comes to term with his break up with Abby in her absence, Shannon returns and we learn that Eddie has sort of been holding out hope so far (they kiss in the end) (Also Eddie and Shannon and Buck and Taylor both happen in parking lots which probably only means they ran out of location money but still!)
- 2.08: Buck hooks up with Taylor, then meets with Ali and begins dating her
- 2.10: it’s revealed that Eddie has been sleeping with Shannon and Buck is miffed
- 2.11 - 2.16: we get a few mentions of Ali and some scenes between Eddie and Shannon reminding us both these relationships are happening and they are growing closer
- 2.17: Shannon thinks she is pregnant, Eddie wonders about their relationship, Shannon wants a divorce but dies before they can go through with it
- 2.18: Buck gets a new apartment because of Ali, their relationship seems ready to become more serious, then Buck gets hurt and Ali is traumatised by this and tells Buck she needs to rethink the relationship
- 3.01: it is revealed that Ali and Buck broke up
- 3a: both of them work through the trauma of the past few months, no references to either of them dating are made, romantic and / or domestic scenes happen between them instead, the ambiguous „us“ happens
- 3.11: they are asked about their relationship-status to remind us about them being single (AND THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER? Wow.)
- 3.12: It’s pointed out again that Buck is single but he says he prefers it that way while Eddie meets Ana and shows some interest in her, then during a call Buck indicates that he might not be as happy being single as he told Madney and Josh while also seeming a bit happy Eddie won’t be dating Ana (probably)
- 3.15: Eddie finally fully comes to terms with his past, including his relationship with Shannon and her dying
- 3.16: Buck reveals he might still be hung up on what happened with Abby and he realises he needs to move on, the ambiguous „Us“ is brought back
- 3.18: Buck runs into Abby and actually moves on
- Side note: considering 2.08 and 2.10 and 3.09 and some remarks made throughout the show, Buck and Eddie are somewhat aware of the relationship struggles the other had which isn’t really relevant but also sort of is
Parallels with canon couples
This is TV and TV and especially shipping lives through tropes and parallels inside the story to subtext tell you something you need to know without actually having to say the words, but just to plant the idea in the viewers head.
For example, and please I am just spitballing here, you are writing a show about Lifeguards. And there are these two characters who are named … Paddie and Tucker. They have amazing chemistry and they are best friends and love each other a lot. Now, you, as the showrunner, are considering making them a romantic item but you need to do it slow cause while you do have queer characters and a queer following this show is fairly mainstream and also the characters have presented as straight in text so far. So you need to do crumbs, right?
Okay, so how do you best do that? Well, Tucker is known as this really caring guy and very open with his feelings and he freaks out when someone he loves is in danger - so you put Paddie in danger, right? Proofs he loves him, right?
But then you want it to have some deeper queer implications, right, in case you do decide on making them romantic? So how do you best do that? Well, lucky for you, Tucker has a sister. And you were planning on putting her in danger as well this season anyways, so you just have Tucker react a bit more subdued here, right?
But then you really want it to hit people, like you need people who are more casual and mainstream and might not have noticed the romantic undertones Tuddie has had to notice that, right? So you put these two episodes back to back.
Except „Paddie Begins“ is set to air first and well, Tucker IS known to lose his shit about people he cares about being in danger, so they might not actually notice anything more. Or they will just consider Tucker not reacting as hard about his sister, Sadie, being in danger bad writing. And you can’t have that!
So how do you fix that? Well, you just change the episode order! Now the episode with Sadie in danger airs first and people will spent a week complaining about how out of character Tucker was and it will be still on their minds when „Paddie Begins“ happens and Tucker goes feral and it will hit EVERYONE! Like damn, apparently Tucker cares more about Paddie than Sadie? Why? What makes Paddie so much more important?
Anyways, this is how you test out an idea in TV and why tropes and parallels are important…
Moving on:
- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“: Now I have already written a bit about Buck’s reaction to Eddie potentially dying to safe the kid and while it is fairly tame for Buck it’s still something you usually see a guy do for a love interest (Any of ya’ll watch „Chicago Fire“? Because I watched like the first two Seasons and the main „Will they / won’t they“ - couple had a scene like that about once every three episodes. Cause it’s a trope!)
- 3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“: This is a teeny tiny bit of a stretch and there wasn’t even any nice cuts to anyone in the firefam to indicate they were referenced (which I found odd, considering this would have also fit for Bobby) but the guy who got impaled with his son in law said: „She‘s the love of my life but he‘s her‘s.“ which considering this episode has Buck doing everything to protect Christopher means a lot and I think about it once a day, okay?
- 3.14 vs 3.15 vs. 3.16 vs. 3.17 vs. 3.18 - Losing the love of your life and how to deal with that:
This may be the biggest parallel of all, and maybe I could have included 2.14 as well but I didn’t because it’s a whole season removed. It also seems meaningful that this episodes happen one after the other, making us naturally compare the scenes and see / look for patterns.
But to explain real quick:
In 3.14 Maddie is in danger and Chimney, who is her boyfriend and told her he loves her just one episode earlier, freaks out completely
In 3.15 Eddie might die / is considered dead by several of his friends already and Buck utterly looses it! We are talking frantic screaming and trying to dig Eddie out by hand and running around trying to figure out ways to save Eddie only to turn full on catatonic when none of that works. I mean, his mood turns faster than mine when I am hangry while on my period and that is saying sth!
3.16 could be considered a bit of a stretch but we do see Red lash out a lot when he realises that Cindy, the woman he considered the love of his life and someone he pined after for quite a while doesn’t exist like that anymore.
In 3.17 Athena is put in great danger and Bobby is forced / able to listen to it and while I am not sure if the blank look on Bobby’s face is bad acting, a deliberate but accidental acting choice OR done consciously in a way that mirrors Oliver’s acting in 3.15 - it’s there and it’s a parallel and we can watch it and compare it and see it.
To bring this whole thing home for us they contracted another outside player in the form of Connie Britton playing Buck’s ex-girlfriend Abby, who similarly to Red and Buck, turns frantic upon possibly loosing her fiancé and starts panic and lash out a little, which is fair and also part of a motherforking pattern, ya’ll!
- Another fairly obvious parallel between 3.14 and 3.15 is Buck telling Sue - as the watch Maddie and Chimney hug - that Maddie already has everything she needs when Sue asks him why he didn’t immediately rush toward his sister. Which can be compared to 3.15 were he does immediately rush to Eddie’s side and support and hug him!
- I’ve already written about 700 words on 3.17 and the line „Buck invites Eddie“ so I’ll just point you back toward that part of the guide where I pointed out that Buddie was actively compared to the three main canon pairings here. Which is a lot and also could have been avoided and probably queerbaiting.
- Again, teeny tiny bit of a stretch maybe but like, we’re here to talk about anything in canon pointing toward Buddie and also this is my guide and I do what I want but in 3.18 we learn that Abby is now engaged to a single father and considering she was only gone for about two years (Season 2 takes place over the course of one year and in 3.13 we learn that Madney has been dating for just under 11 months so unless there was a time jump somewhere in the last 5 episodes we weren’t really told about, we clock in at about 2 years and maybe one or two months, tops, at the end of Season 3), they have been together for less than that time, even if we think Abby already knew him when she was still dating Buck. Which timeline wise puts them meeting maybe around the time Buck met Eddie, maybe a bit after, meaning Abby met and began dating and fell in love with and decided to marry a single father in the same timespan Buddie did … whatever it is they are doing! Which is meaningful because for the viewing of the Abby/Buck relationship which I am glad more and more people are realising was very unbalanced and provides an interesting parallel to Buddie because this means Abby and Buck met and developed feelings for a single father around the same time. Idk, I understand that the whole father thing was to make Buck care even more but damn, it’s a parallel so I mention it!
- Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana (3.17/3.18 vs. 3.12ff.)
Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:
Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just one episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.
Now look at Eddie and Ana:
First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.
Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.
Third, every scene between Michael and Doctor Hale was romantically coded and we know where this was heading while aside from the initial scene between Ana and Eddie and maybe the second scene there were no hints of romance between the two. In fact in 3.15, an episode that is about Eddie moving forward in his life and letting go of the past she is both mentioned and actually appears, yet there are no hints of romance and romantic interest, not from Eddie and not in form of teasing from Buck and especially Carla, who pointed out Eddie’s interest in her previously. Soooooo…
Parallels with Love Interests
Now, obviously we also cannot talk Buddie without talking about them dating in general and then relating this to each other. In other news: there are parallels between each and every love interest Eddie ever had and Buck and also between Eddie and Abby.
(Side note: I could probably also find parallels between Eddie and Taylor and Eddie and Ali but tbh both of these barely qualify as love interests, especially Ali, who despite actually being in a relationship with Buck we know nothing about (hi, original Ana! You did good and I am sorry people hate you for having boundaries!))
Eddie paralleling Abby
I mean the truth is we don’t even need Eddie paralleling any other girlfriend of Buck cause there are so many between Abby and Eddie!
- Abby and Carla vs. Eddie and Carla:
The biggest one might be parallel that both employ Carla and why. Which is in part because Buck brought Carla to Eddie but goes deeper than that.
There is that conversation between Bobby and Buck about Abby and her mother in 1.09 when Buck wanted to break up with Abby and Bobby basically said: if you wanna date someone you have to love them baggage and all and should be there for them as well - and while Buck did try doing that with Abby, well, Patricia died before he could fully step into the ring and then Abby left, BUT he showed no hesitation after that to step right into Eddie’s life, into his issues, with him. And he even brought in Carla as a baggage carrier, isn’t that nice?
Also the whole reason why they need Carla around in the first place as both of them are taking care of a family member (plus the fact that Christopher is a literal child so even without CP Eddie would need help taking care of him working the hours he has).
Also tía Pepa quite literally calls Eddie a saint and I am pretty sure Abby was called sth similar by Carla and Bobby in Season 1 though I don’t care enough to check mainly because the implication was there all through the first ten episodes about how Abby was such a great person for taking care of her ailing mother.
But really it comes down to the parallels between Bobby telling Buck that a real relationship is about sharing the load and the conversation between Maddie and Buck as well as anything else in 2.04 where Buck is so desperate to be there for Eddie and help him.
- There is also a definite parallel to be drawn between the conversation Abby and Buck had in the Jeep while looking for her mom about how Abby hasn’t had sex in a year and Buck asking Eddie about dating in 2.04. It’s a little subtextual, but between the expression on his face and the topic and the teasing and the walking shoulder to shoulder it does feel alike to me so I mentioned it.
- street fighting vs. the apology: losing yourself
Now this one I love a lot because while it does happen half a season apart and isn’t explicitly expressed on the show: Eddie’s whole ark in Season 3a is about losing control and by extent losing himself because Buck wasn’t around. Abby meanwhile talks about how she found herself after she left LA and how she would have lost herself again if she returned to Buck (which is absolute bullcrap but not the point).
- There are also some parallels to be drawn between Buck, Eddie, Abby and Shannon (and technically also Maddie) and the whole leaving each other thing, with Eddie leaving Shannon for the army without consulting her about it while Abby left Buck for Ireland and then also the lawsuit where in a way Buck left Eddie like Shannon did, being so caught up in his own feelings he didn’t consider what Eddie (and Christopher) were going through.
But we can also acknowledge how it must have felt to Buck with Lena / Eddie taking Bobby’s side like he was once again replaced / left for someone else, much like Abby left him for Ireland and Maddie left him for Doug.
Buck paralleling Ana, Lena and Shannon
Buck on the other hand side parallels Eddie’s love interest a lot sometimes down to the clothes (and yes, technically Lena isn’t a love interest but Ryan Guzman thought she was and aside from the fact that he’s into women that could beat him up (which for once, not judging you, bro) and considering the parallels with Buck … that means if Buck was a woman, well, ya know?) so let’s talk about that
- Buck and Shannon:
I’ve already talked about that one a lot so I will only mention it here real quick but the whole Eddie not trusting Shannon vs. trusting Buck despite his betrayal again like right away once he apologised (which yes, what Buck did was not as bad and far more justified) and letting him back into Christopher’s life IS a parallel, considering for example how Shannon asks about Chris missing her (though it’s been over two years, at one point children just stop asking as we know Chris did) and Eddie telling Buck Chris misses him in the grocery store scene.
Also Eddie not trusting his wife and Chris’ mother with him fully even after they reconciled and him telling Buck he was the one he trusted most in the world when it came to his son is … something.
There is also a little parallel to be drawn between 2.17 when Shannon goes for ice cream with Christopher and Abuela and Eddie is all like, well, don’t come crying to me when he won’t sleep because sugar high and saying basically the same thing to Hen and Chimney in 3.02 when they ask about „Operation: Buck up Buck“ because Chris ate loads of pancakes.
Also Shannon in 2.07 said she needed Eddie to have her back and Eddie says he always did but Shannon disagrees (which might be a little how Buck felt with the lawsuit) and you know, Buck and him agreed to have each other’s backs just six episodes earlier.
- Buck and Lena:
Now, with Lena, despite her being most connected to Eddie, the first (and second) time we actually see her is in 3.01/3.02 through Buck, which connects the two from the get go.
Eddie then finds out she was at the pier in 3.02 (before meeting her) just like Buck (though he doesn’t know that) and then meets her in 3.03 and she spends the whole episode running around LA trying to find her Captain while injured, much like Buck is doing in the same episode.
I also mentioned in my meta-series how I think one of the reasons why Eddie likes Buck so much was that Buck wasn’t impressed by his military background like everyone else (or his looks, I mean, it was probably more about his looks tbh) and how when Buck started liking him it was really about Eddie and not whatever he had heard about him - yet Buck was / is still never afraid to call him out bullshit, much like Lena from moment one.
There is also the fact that Eddie goes to her for advice and she literally uses Buck’s locker (and will I ever stop laughing about the tape? Probably not, I think it was hilarious, okay?)?
Then of course we have Buck in 3.04 reacting quite similar to seeing her for the first time as he did with Eddie in 2.01, even saying basically the same thing.
- Buck and Ana
Now, Ana is an interesting case because we see her a total of four times and she is mentioned two more times throughout the show and each and every single moment is connected to Buck somehow and sometimes so very unsubtle to.
In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. And then Eddie introduces himself as Eddie and Ana knows immediately this is short for Edmundo - unlike Buck in 2.01 who guessed Eduardo? Also, Carla’s „big blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck.
Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.) (And will I ever be over Buck being so gleeful that Eddie will now be dating the teacher after all? Because boy was close to cackling which even if he was in love with Eddie at the time and therefore happy he wasn’t off the market - still quite rude for a best friend if you ask me! Like, sure, do that but in front of strangers?)
Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)
And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning about ever just wearing the medal (which sounded very not straight in its delivery, Mr Stark, what were you thinking about?), making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck.
Is this … flirting
Now, some of these are quite ambiguous but there are several scenes that imply they consider each other attractive or feel like flirting and here they are:
- 2.01: „I think I’ve seen this in porn before“
Now, we all know Buck’s initial dislike of Eddie was about Eddie being to good at the job and Buck being afraid of being replaced, but considering one of the first things we hear about Eddie is Hen saying that boy is so fine it transcends sexualities and considering they talked about the calendar which chooses them based on hotness just before and then all the references to the calendar throughout, it stands to reason that Buck considers Eddie attractive.
Also their whole conversation during the gym scene, what was any of that? I mean, Buck thinks the pictures of Eddie are professionally done which means he thinks they are good which means, yes, Buck thinks Eddie looks good in those!
Plus the whole scene is riddled with (sexual) tension. From Buck constantly increasing the weight he is lifting, while throwing looks at Eddie as if double checking that he sees he could bench press him and the way he gets in Eddie’s face to Eddie’s veiled barbs about the girlfriend breaking up with him and doing the same thing as a firefighter but he was getting shot at. I mean, what was that if not the beginning of a porno? (And here we have our first parallel between Buck and Eddie as we find out later because Eddie, too, has been left by a woman. Now the real question would be does he consider them broken up?
Not to mention that when Bobby tells him at the end of the episode that he wasn’t chosen Buck immediately assumes Eddie was and also is so very happy for his new friend, because he thinks he’s hot (right?).
- 2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“
In 2.08 Buck has a conversation with Chimney about his pick up technique and well, did anyone in production watch this episode because when Buddie walks away from tailpipe-girl-emergency he literally does everything he described.
Also Maddie says the words „Does this man crush on Eddie mean you are finally over Abby?“ to Buck and his only reaction is „Cute.“ meaning one) Maddie has teased him about his Eddie gushing before and two) maybe Buck does have a bit of a crush?
- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“
Again with the Maddie and Buck scenes!
Basically what happened was Maddie talked about how cute Chimney was but Buck assumed she meant Eddie because apparently if someone says cute, Buck thinks Eddie. This is just a fact, okay?
- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“
Like my name for the episode already says, there is this scene were Buck and Eddie stand next to each other and Eddie says „That was incredible!“ and Buck who is already standing in Eddie’s space leans in further to basically whisper the words „It’s a miracle.“ into Eddie’s ears and then lean back a little and I am not sure if that wouldn’t fit better with Subtext but also Buck looks at Eddie like he wants to eat him alive and Eddie looks like he would let him and say thank you after while still embarrassed because he cries during sex.
You know, acting.
- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“
Listen, I am convinced this is all Ryan considering the reaction of Kenny / Chimney and Aisha / Hen but that doesn’t change the fact that they used a take which had Eddie stare at Oliver / Buck’s butt the whole time and I mean, what horrible things happened in the other takes that made production choose this one unless they want us to see Eddie looking at Buck’s butt while Chimney and Hen stand around looking amused?
- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“
Listen, from the moment Buck says „Cause you would prefer working it out in the ring?“ and then does this dorky thing with his arms while Eddie smirks into his beer about how he fought in a cage not fenced in (which, I’m a little unclear on the distinction I think, but I am nitpicky af so who am I to judge? Probably just stuff getting lost in translation) that whole scene changes vibes, going from apologising to teasing. And I think it’s very interesting that this is when Buck chooses to come closer (and then keep coming closer until he is right in Eddie’s personal space while touching his belt which we all learned by now means he is thinking about sex) and they have this whole conversation about who could take who which happens in sort of half sentences and does not feel like they are talking about fighting each other at all.
I mean, Buck keep coming closer, while Eddie stands there rooted to his spot, leaning against the bar, smirking, like every hot guy in a bar ever who knows one smile and a bit of smolder and they will come to him (which Buck does, playing right into it, I mean, come on, bro, weren’t you once a serial dater? How do you not know how to play hard to get?) and holding the beer (you know, phallic shaped obj- okay, I’ll stop here, it’s a reach), occasionally drinking, like maybe he tries to draw attention to somewhere or he has a very dry throat and honestly: this is how porn starts!
I don’t think my writing (or anyone’s writing really, not that ya’ll aren’t talented af) can properly express how very not platonic and innuendo-heavy this scene felt.
- 3.13: „‚Bro, what if I flirted with you in a bowling alley while out on a call?‘ - ‚Bro, what if I invited you out to lunch after telling a friend to say I love you before it’s too late?‘ - ‚BRO 😍‘“
Again, the title gives everything away but like so many scenes between these boys that moment at the bowling alley when Buck channels Arnie and Eddie is all: you’re a dork and also wrong! and then later when Eddie invites Buck to get lunch (which is sort of Eddie’s thing, remember 2.01?) after earlier telling Chimney to tell Maddie he loves her if he has a chance because he might regret it. And to really drive the point home or maybe make it in the first place, after Eddie asks Buck - and only Buck - to have lunch with him, Buck then declines because of a little blood (Evan, come one, you’ve seen worse! I know I have!) - only for Chimney to consider this the push he needed to invite Maddie for dinner so he can tell her he loves her.
So, you know, platonic.
- 3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“
I mean, what was that scene in the locker even with Eddie leaning against the doorway all cheeky and grinning like: yeah, come hang out with me! - obviously it was about Buck never saying yes to babysit a group of nine-year olds when he could be out drinking (as someone who works with kids, I approve), but yeah, that’s not what it felt like? So unless ya’ll cannot act anymore this was deliberately a bit over the top and ambiguous.
Jealousy
Now, no good ship works without jealousy and neither does Buddie so here are some examples of Buddie being jealous.
- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“
Now, your probably saying: Bucky Barnes murder strut? That’s a tall order! But damn, Ryan nailed that, okay? Listen, we’ve seen Eddie walk out of uniform several times at this point and NEVER before and never after has he struted this predatory. Eddie walks tall and military, you know, the way he stands, Eddie doesn’t strut!
Yet, here he does! And what I love about this scene is that we see him in the background while Bobby talks to Taylor, working out with no care in the world - and then Buck comes over and flirts with her, suddenly Eddie feels the need to be part of the conversation?
And he doesn’t even wait until he is standing next to them to talk, he calls over while still sitting on the lifting things.
So yeah, that one is him being jealous.
- 2.10: „It’s all about ‚not my business‘“
- Now 2.10 is a great episode for Buddie and in part it is due to Buck’s facial expressions in the background and out of focus of the camera when Shannon comes to the station.
I mean, Oliver always plays Buck very intense and expressive and with his whole face but that was a bit much, you’d think he just found out Eddie broke a vow of chastity or had an affair while being married (which technically is what Buck compares it to later so kinda makes sense he looks like that but also doesn’t, Buckeroo, what’s the big deal? Did Eddie show up at your doorstep a week earlier telling you what a punk ass bitch his wife was, or…?)
- 2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“
„Talk to Bobby. Maybe he can get you guys a discount.“: There is a point to be made about Buck just not liking Shannon considering everything he knows about her and has heard about her, the same way Eddie doesn’t Abby, but still. This scene and this line, Buck does not sound happy for Eddie or truly interested and yeah, it’s off and it seems jealous.
- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“
It’s actually not just my interpretation, it’s actually - between the similarities to 2.01 and everything that happens after with the lawsuit and how Buck explains himself - literal text that Buck was jealous here with Lena. So there!
- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“
Tim Minear please send me over some scripts or have someone call me and explain what they were going for with the „You had sex with your therapist?“-scene because Eddie was so huffy and offended and I need to know!
- 3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“
Buck sounds awfully gleeful Eddie will probably not date Christopher’s teacher and while that might just be him making fun of his best friend being so very overprotective and short tempered when it comes to his son (Mr. Control has left the building!), still, it reads a little like jealousy over some unknown pretty woman Chris might have mentioned some time and Carla probably described in great detail when she told Buck all about Eddie losing his cool!
- 3.17: „LegsTM“
It’s technically not really a jealous moment because it’s not Eddie being jealous but Buck simply refusing to mention his ex-girlfriend here, but considering 3.18 and also and most importantly the fact that there are only two other people in the truck, one being an unknown firefighter driving the truck and the other Bobby, who very much knows how Buck was supposed to take a hot air balloon ride with Abby, for who but Eddie was Buck concealing her identity for because Bobby already knows?
There really is only Eddie left, who probably figures out what Buck was about as well because bro may not be Buck and his out of the box thinking smart but he is fucking smart and he can figure shit out as well! Yet Buck refuses to mention Abby’s name and for what? So he can pretend Bobby and Eddie don’t know he is still bitter about her? I mean, fucking hell, send over the motherforking scripts, Minear, I am done with you!
- 3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“
While I think Eddie is being more protective than jealous here, he is awfully involved and he is uncharacteristically out of control and emotional here and I wanna know why? Does Abby being back remind you of Shannon? Is it jealousy? WHAT IS GOING ON??? WHY YOU SO MAD, ARMY BOY???
Subtext
Now, I am first gonna talk about Subtext things in general like clothing choices, music and cuts between scenes and I am gonna be honest, I probably missed quite a few!
- One of my favourite is that while Buck wears the same colours in 3.03 as Shannon does in 2.07, Eddie wears the same exact shirt - and considering the fact that Ryan got buff between Season 2 and 3 that was deliberate, someone bought that shirt again because we are supposed to connect these scenes with each other!
- As I wrote before in 2.10 we can see Buck and his reaction out of focus when Shannon comes to the firehouse to talk to Eddie and ya know, why?
- Tim Minear himself said the elf in 2.10 was an easter egg for us Buddie shippers and he also said we can make out of the fountain in the background what we want, so there, Buddie is talking about Shannon and Eddie having sex and how much that messes shit up while a fountain shoots water in the background and yes, that is an innuendo and subtext and I hate it a little.
- 2.13 has this hospital scene I love a lot and you know what? Buddie is basically dressed the same, because the subtext of this scene is these two are alike and connected and they GET EACH OTHER.
- Another scene I really love is in 3.01 when Buck comes in for the surprise party because not only does he not hug his sister or Athene but runs up to Eddie first, Bobby actually shoves Eddie at Buck so he is the first person Buck hugs (and then the hug itself, what was that? The way they hold onto each other for a moment just looking while their hips are still touching?! Is that how you two hug because I want in!).
- Also they are dressed basically the same, should we discuss this as well?
- And still in 3.01 when Buck thanks Bobby and they talk and Bobby tells Buck he’ll find someone better and then asks him if he is doing okay, the first person the show cuts to is - nope, not Evan Buckley’s sister who is also there but his best friend, Eddie! Jup!
- And still in 3.01 when the firefam talks about helping Buck in the firehouse, Eddie first acts dismissive but the scene ends with Bobby saying Buck has them even though he may not believe that right now and half of that is said while the camera is on Eddie’s face who looks thoughtful - only to cut from them to Maddie and Josh discussing the same thing and mainly how Maddie doesn’t know how to help Buck and what he needs from her. Which you know, the episode ends with Eddie basically giving Buck a swift kick in the butt like she though he might need (and then 3.03 has Eddie basically telling Buck everything is gonna be okay, so we see Maddie talking about helping Buck but never see her doing it and instead we get two scenes of Eddie being there for Buck and also no Maddie in relation to the lawsuit but an extreme focus on Eddie? Writers, I see you and you aren’t wrong!)
- Also worth another mention is the cut between Madney talking about children, saying Buck didn’t have any either - to Eddie waking up Buck so he can babysit Christopher and specifically calling Buck „his Buck“ to make us think on their relationship and let us know how close they are and also to tell us to not trusts everything Maddie says about her brother because she gets shit wrong.
- In 3.03 after Buck tells Eddie he lost Christopher and then Eddie sees Christopher and rushes over and and Buck collapses and while Eddie holds Chris after he checked for injuries and Chim and Hen and Bobby hold Buck and Bobby asks Buck if he is okay, well, this whole time Buck is staring at Chris and Eddie and Eddie is staring back at him and Bobby, if you wanna know about me, gotta tell you, I am not okay?!
- And then we have the loft scene and yeah, okay, this deserves 5000 words of his own, from the fact that they played „Photograph“ by Ed Sheeran which includes lyrics about how they will never be alone and how loving can heal and mend your soul and the fucking song ends on the words „Wait for me to come home“ just as Eddie knocks and brings Christopher over and tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than Buck and I am sorry, what are we supposed to think here? This show is from the US, these people speak english, it’s not like these lyrics leave much room for interpretation!
Not to mention the whole monologue Buck did about being lost and not knowing how to get from where you want to be to where you need to be before Eddie showed up and then talking about how a few choice words can sometimes be the life raft one needs to get home and how we are all just searching for someone to see us? I love Maddie and I love the Buckley siblings, but damn, she’s not the one he has been searching for!
(And I keep bringing up Maddie here because as his sister she is the person Buck could feel closest to and should care about the most and be cared about the most by and yet all canon evidence points to Eddie being that person! Also she is the person next to Eddie Buck has the most scenes outside the firehouse with.)
- This one is a bit of a stretch but Buck looks very uncomfortable during the whole deposition in 3.05 but he looks everyone in the eyes until the lawyer mentions Shannon and suddenly his lap is so much more interesting and yes, after is when all of them get asked the really hurtful question but still, this is when Buck stops being despondent and realises, fuck, I went a bit to far
- Someone please find for me where the director talked about purposely framing them as romantic in the apology scene because I cannot find the post for the life of me, but never the less: In 3.06 during the apology, in the beginning of the scene we see Buddie from quite a distance and Eddie has his back turned toward Buck and there is a column in the shot to visually indicate the divide and yeah, the whole framing is quite something and the way the camera angle goes from far away making it seem like unbridgeable distance cutting to closer shots and how we slowly see alongside the words hey, they aren’t actually that far apart, like yeah, this scene was something else!
- Not a direct cut but during therapy Eddie talks about how he wants to be at home with Chris because he is the one good thing he has going for him and the one thing he gets enjoyment out of (because he is so fucking depressed and I cry), yet when we later see Chris and Eddie together it is neither in Eddie’s house nor are they alone, nope Buck is there as well, meaning Buck is considered a part of that one thing even if he wasn’t explicitly mentioned!
- During 3.10 when they take the photo with all of them Buck is grouped between Madney and the Diaz family, like right between and not just next to them. Also earlier when the eat Buck sits next to Christopher who sits next to Eddie and therefore on the opposite side of his sister and her boyfriend.
- Yes, they were probably amused by the meddling mom asking then „Are you boys single?“ in 3.11 but come on! They look at each other and smirk? For real? Hand over the script, Timbo!
- Also as mentioned before the fact that when Chim and Eddie talk about family and the 118 being the family they choose the camera is on Albert, Buck and Christopher, no one else is in the shot. And of course the song that is playing here, another song about home.
- The callback to Buck in 3.12 of Ana immediately guessing Eddie is short for Edmundo unlike Buck as well as Carla saying blue eyes (which Buck has) is also Subtext.
- Said it before but: the scene in 3.13 when they arrive at the hospital and Eddie asks Buck out to eat and then Buck changes his mind but Chimney runs off to call his girlfriend because he wants to have dinner so he can tell her he loves her like Eddie told him to do at the beginning of the episode is … interesting.
- I already explained why I think Shannon wasn’t in that many scenes in the video in 3.15 yet Buck was in most of them but it bears repeating. Also again it’s subtext that Buck is part of Eddie’s family and Buck is very important to Eddie and Eddie loves Buck.
- Also the question about the medal in 3.15 and the little boy at the end repeating the question, sorry, were we not supposed to think of Buck here, Tim???
- Also just in general 3.15 focuses very very heavily on Buck and Buck’s reaction - much like 3.18 later does with Eddie. All the non-Eddie scenes feature Buck and Buck freaking out about Eddie potentially dying and Buck making plans and being frantic and the driving force of hope cause homeboy cannot even for a second entertain any thoughts on Eddie’s passing.
- The rope metaphor in 3.15 / 3.16 is of course also subtext but I already explained that one and don’t have anything to add really.
- This one is a little bit of a stretch but I do think there is a reason Eddie was the first one to be taken out of the equation in 3.16 and because of his son and not a love interest.
- Also the pool playing scene in 3.16 there visually we see Eddie and Buck together in nearly all shots, there are two shots of Eddie without Buck in it but not a single one of Buck without Eddie in it and considering camera angles and actors literally being told were to stand it is deliberate that Buck is only seen with Eddie by his side here.
- I’m repeating a lot of things here but Buck refuses to say Abby’s name in 3.17 even though Bobby clearly knows who he is talking about.
- „No. He stopped waiting for me a long time ago.“ cuts to „Summer Camp?“ I mean sorry, what were we supposed to think here? Because this does imply he really did stop waiting because now he has Christopher and Eddie!
- Not to mention it sort of hammers home what I wrote before how Abby is dating a single father and Buck is sort of dating a single father.
- Also 3.18 puts a lot of focus in general on Eddie and his reaction to everything when say, Bobby, who actually knows Abby and was there for the relationship would have made more sense - unless they are pushing an agenda here!
The first person we have Abby interacting with at the traincrash is Eddie and then Buck joins them and the scene literally goes: Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck
So sorry, why do we focus so much on Eddie here, Mrs. Lynch? Is there a particular reason, oh director, who art also directed 3.01 and which has also loads of Buddie subtext?
There is also Eddie coming to stand visually between Abby and Buck when Sam is loaded into the ambulance as if he is physically putting himself between them and then Buck running back toward the traincrash and Eddie following him after and all the shots of them and Christopher during the party together and once again having Bobby asking Buck if he is okay visually connected to Eddie, though in reverse this time because the scene goes from Eddie and Chris having fun to Buck and Bobby talking. (And should we talk about how this is the first time Buck actually answers the question because finally he has an answer or are we thinking about that right before sleep today when it’s easier to cry?)
- Also very interesting subtext is the fact that Buck and Eddie wear nearly the exact same colour and a similar cut pullover when Buck talks to Abby at the end and when Eddie says goodbye to Christopher and I mean, thematically both scenes are about saying good bye and letting someone go? But also it connects Buddie with each other and connects these scenes, which Idc, I probably wouldn’t have done without the clothes?
Not sold seperatly
- Also subtext / visual thing is the fact that Buddie is basically always with and next to each other at the firehouse and on calls (and before anyone says: well, they are partners, Hen and Chim aren’t as much), and that is a long list so I am just giving examples: in 2.05 they sit next to each other at the table while in 2.06 they sit next to each other on the couch and in 3.08 they sit next to each other at the table again and then we have 2.02 standing outside and 2.04 walking away from the scene together and Eddie handing Buck a weapon in 3.17 and walking toward the ambulance together in 3.13 and several other times, the point is there are a shit ton of scenes of them being right next to each other in case you thought that was a fanfic thing!
„The Buck lens“ / „The Eddie lens“
I’m pretty sure there is an actual technical term for what I am trying to describe here but basically there are several instances where we see Eddie the way Buck does, meaning while the scene shows us Eddie doing something the focus is on Buck watching this. Sort of POV but not quite I guess? Also the reverse is true as well, even if those scene aren’t as pronounced!
- Let’s talk about 2.01 once again as we have done for most of this meta and finally, finally look at Eddie’s first scene which we all know is sort of gay and the first time we see Ryan shirtless because Tim accidentally wrote a certain quota of shirtless scenes he needed to do into Ryan’s contract and he needed to get started on those right away.
Also please remember while we as well as the core four are watching Eddie get dressed „Watta man“ plays in the background, which, considering we are introduced to Eddie through Buck’s point of view might be the song playing in his head here? Anyways, back to the topic at hand and how we as the viewers don’t see Eddie until Buck turns around and sees him as well. Which is significant because several times through the conversation between Buck, Hen, Bobby and Chimney we see the locker room in the background so they could have filmed that differently.
Instead they had Chim, who stands off centre, noticing something while Buck banters with Bobby about how he will get to represent the 118 in the calendar, then the camera changes angle so we no longer stand between Bobby and Chimney but rather behind Buck, making him centre stage and putting a focus on his reaction to Eddie. In this scene we have Buck framed by two people commenting on Eddie’s attractiveness. Now we don’t get to see Eddie until we have gotten all reactions of the core four to him, with special attention to Buck, both in filming and text with everyone taking a jab at Buck before walking over to introduce themselves to Eddie which leaves Buck alone, watching.
(Now keep in mind this scene also has Hen basically say Eddie is so hot it transcends sexualities while „Whatta man“ plays as Buck slowly turns around and Idk, mate, that does seem shippy to me.)
- Another scene that focuses very heavily on Buck is when Eddie rushes and hugs Chris at the end of 2.03. In fact for most of the scene we see Buck in the car watching them.
- Also, the hospital scene in 2.04 and how once again we see Eddie interact with Chris while Eddie watches them because fuck knows why.
- Similar to the Buck lens we have 3.10 where Eddie talks to Hen about Chris while the two (or rather Eddie since he sits at the centre) watch Buck play with Chris and Danny. This is significant because Buck is also placed in the middle, putting him opposite Eddie and also making him the focus of the camera for most shots when the scene was about Christopher and Eddie feeling guilty. Huh, we say!
- Something similar happens in 3.11, which is the next episode several months removed when Eddie talks to Chimney about the 118 being their family and while this time Chris is the one sitting in the front, Buck once again is in the middle and also in focus in a scene shot from Eddie’s POV.
Other people reacting to them / commenting on them
Now, I am not sure if this is really Subtext but who knows where else it fits in? (This is a rhetorical question, only my opinion counts around here while I write!) So It goes here! And I think the title is self-explanatory enough.
- I’m a little on the fence on the Bobby looks because - no offence to Peter Krause - he doesn’t have that many facial expressions in general, but yeah, at the mechanics Buck watches Eddie and Bobby watches Buck.
- Our first real one of those scene is the truly savage tía Pepa who is a woman after my own heart because she says the mean shit to your face and the nice things behind your back because she loves you but she loves vibe checking egos more! And well, she is understandably confused by Buck’s being there at the hospital and asks Eddie who that is and why he is here and gives one of the best lines of the show by being so sarcastic, because oh, you work together? Damn, wouldn’t have guessed from the fact that both of you wear LAFD t-shirts! (I love her!)
- In the same episode Maddie comments on Buck’s boycrush on Eddie and while I am unsure whether that is supposed to make it sound less gay or it’s Maddie saying: Bro, you sound 12! but oh well! It’s a comment on them!
- I loath a little to include the elf in 2.10 because Tim has said that was an easter egg for Buddie shippers and a tongue in cheek thing but yeah.
- Also Bobby watches the whole „It’s a miracle“ exchange in 2.14 with that look.
- In 2.18 we get some text on the screen when they help instagram girl about how hot the both of them are and also how THEY should be dating which I’m putting into the same box as 2.10.
- The fact that Bobby shoves Eddie at Buck in 3.01, like sorry, why was it so relevant that this is the first hug?
- When Eddie / Ryan stared at Buck’s / Oliver’s ass in 3.04 we see Hen and Chimney grin about it.
- I know I have said myself that Maddie’s reaction in 3.08 was due to the fact that she just said: can ya’ll stop gossiping - and Chim and Buck were like: sure thing! and then started gossiping but still.
- There is Buddie flirting at the bowling alley in 3.13 and once again Bobby gives them the look and yeah.
- In 3.15 everyone seems very worried about Buck especially and they keep reassuring as if he were Eddie’s next of kin.
- Again a Bobby look I am unsure of but in 3.17 we see him giving them the look in the truck and yeah.
Other people’s heartache
Now, as I’ve said in the beginning, I didn’t wanna just include my perspective on Buddie, so I asked a few other people about this and while this isn’t a representative statistical number it’s still interesting, right?
(Also originally this Guide was organised by episode and I would have included the comments when the things came up but alas that didn’t work and I think I turned a little grey because of that)
@buckleysbabe:
When i first watched 9-1-1, I had no idea that Buddie existed (i hadn’t been on tumblr a lot at the time so I hadn’t seen gifs or anything) and when i started s2 I really thought they were just best friends, but then 2x10 and the ”you two have an adorable son” scene happened and Buck’s ”thank you” and the shy smile AND I WAS ON BOARD!! That was really the first moment, then I got the confirmation after 3x03 and the scene where Buck sees Eddie in the tsunami scenery, and then the whole Eddie saying theres nobody in this world....like in that moment I felt like they were seriously in love 😍❤️
About the 2x10: that scene has so many things. Like the water fountain in the back, Chris in the scene with them (like they are a family), then the elf saying what she said, Buck being for a second like ”huh?” and then you see the light bulb going on when he’s like ”ohhhhhhhh yeah” and then he says thank you 😍😍😍 saying HE IS CHRIS’S COPARENT. AND THEN THE SHY SMILE
@theleftboobgrabber
Right off the bat I thought they had chemistry but I think the entirety of 2×04 is when I genuinely started shipping it. Like.... the constant heart eyes, the support, Buck trying so hard to be there for Eddie and Eddie absolutely never questioning it, the look Buck gives Eddie at the fire house was absolute fire (when Bobby tells Eddie Buck asked for Chris to stay with them) like Eddie's like you did this for me??? And Buck has just this massive Big Buck Energy from where he's sitting like "get used to it" and I remember absolutely loosing my mind that Bobby got the hug and not Buck at the end of the scene like in what universe??? And yeah the rest of the episode is just the same but that feeling of 'that's the wrong man you're hugging' was the tipping point
@emotionalsupportfirefam
Okay so mine was kinda two moments?1) when Buck took Eddie to Chris' school after the earthquake and we see his reaction to Eddie's joy and relief as he holds Christopher and then spends the next episode trying to find ways to help Eddie with finding a suitable caregiver/ support for Chris and 2) the fact the took them whole of five minutes to go from 'rivals' to the 'dynamic duo' after the grenade call.
@evaneddie
Honestly? Literally every scene they have is romantically coded. The first scene of them, with Eddie being shirtless and us seeing it from Buck's perspective with „Whatta Man“ playing? That's subtext.
You can have my back any day? Yo.
The scene when the elf Blair(e) said they have an adorable son and Buck just said thank you instead of correcting her before he literally skipped away?
Eddie showing up at Buck's apartment and Buck not even questioning how he got in?
The way Buck is like a second father to Chris and protects him like one in the tsunami?
"THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE THAN YOU"?! REALLY EDDIE? WHAT ABOUT LITERALLY ANY OF YOUR FAMILY? OR CARLA? Baby, that's love.
THE HALLOWEEN HUG?!
THE KITCHEN SCENE, THE WHOLE SEXUAL TENSION IN THAT SCENE?! BUCK'S HAND ON HIS BELT, THE GLANCES, "I'D STILL TAKE YOU", ON THE COUCH EDDIE LOOKS TO BUCK'S LAP, LIKE COME ON!
"You boys single?" *Looks at each other*
"This is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest"
Buck's breakdown when he lost Eddie under 40 feet of mud. That was not the breakdown of losing a friend, that was the breakdown on losing someone you love. There's a meta I saw once literally just for this scene alone, the way Buck dug so desperately at the mud with his bare hands, the screams of heartbreak, the way he collapsed into Bobby, the pure dissociation as Bobby was giving instructions later on, Eddie's memories filled mostly with Christopher and Buck. Sure, the others were there, but, it was FILLED with Buck and Chris.
Then the ending scene of the season?! What was he trying to do with the necklaces? Thrusting his hips towards Eddie, hitting him in the face, then that soft touch on his face?
@adamngoodbuck
Hey! Nice question and for me really easy to answer. I started watching the show back in 2018 when it first aired but I was a casual viewer. Very casual. So casual I actually watched everything up to 2x10 and then I thought it was the season finale so I forgot about it. And then season 3 started. And nothing made sense. So I checked and welp, I had to catch up. And I did and something started brewing inside of me. I wasn't part of the fandom yet. And then. The THE SEARCHERS happened. And that scene. The there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you scene. My icon scene. And I was done. Hook, line and sinker.
@the-family-we-choose-118
My main ones were all the big ones: the kitchen scene, the end of 3x03, the Christmas episode one where Buck is helping Danny and Chris make gingerbread houses and then plans a whole party for the firefam, Buck clawing at the ground in 3x15, Eddie interrupting Taylor Kelly when she came to the station to do the documentary in Dosed, the fact that Eddie was introduced from Buck's POV with „Whatta Man“, the entire earthquake episode where Buck is reassuring Eddie his kid is okay and then drives him to get his kid later on, and the scene where Buck introduces Eddie to Carla in (I'm pretty sure it's) the same episode where Maddie asks him if his boy crush on Eddie means he's over Abby (that was my main one). And I was fully convinced when Eddie walked in Buck's apartment in the beginning of S3 and ripped his blankets off him and was so sure he doesn't sleep naked/wouldn't have anybody over.
And the „official“ part of the guide is done but I do wanna say something else real quick which is:
You have just read about 20.000 words I painstakingly wrote over the course of several weeks and while I get that meta is even more harrowing to reblog than gifsets or fics because meta involves so much opinion and interpretation and what if you disagree with parts of it?
Well, again, I invested a lot of time in this and also: IF YOU DISAGREE TELL ME!!! TELL ME IN THE REBLOG OR IN THE TAGS!!! Because different to fics and gifsets meta is a dialog and I can’t have a dialog unless people talk to me! I’m not here to lecture you on right or wrong, I am here to tell you: okay, this is how the scene looks from my point of view, what do you say? So honestly, please consider liking and reblogging and tagging and maybe talking a little about it with me, because screaming into the void is so very boring
(And also in general: reblog reblog reblog! All these funny posts you see on buzzfeed and instagram screenshoted from tumblr? Half of them were made great by reblogs and all of them were noticed by these sites because of reblogs)
Anyways, before I (REALLY) let you go it would be hypocritical now to not talk about some people who inspired some of this (but ya’ll have to understand I cannot talk about everyone)!
I can however say these four especially helped me write this:
- @diggorypuff , who I have never talked to but whose posts about interesting parallels actually sort of got me into thinking deeper about this show: (X)
- @ingu, who fairly recently did a series of gifsets on Buddie and how Buck is framed as Eddie’s love interest which gave me life: (X)
- @matan4il, who is such an amazing friend and does the most concice and well thought out metas on Buddie without having to watch the show a million times like other people we shall not name have to (me, I am talking about me). Find her buddie metas here: (X)
- And most importantly my girl, my babe, my love, @chimbuckleys who is the voice of reason between us and always lets me rant about stuff and was the sounding board for this and so much else I have written - I couldn’t do this without you! (ALSO I AM GOING TO BED NOW, BABE!!!)
AND DEAR READER, you made it! Now go have a blessed day and plant some trees because earth is dying and we with it!
#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie meta#eddie meta#buck meta#911 meta#911#911 fox#textpost#meta#holy shit I made it but also I think this is actually quite literally too long to be posted at once and I cry?????#FUCK#my meta#the big buddie for dummies guide
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hello everyone! I got an ask from an anon asking for tips on time management so i decided to type this out before school starts heheh…
poor time management and procrastination, unfortunately, plague just about all of us lol. people with a short attention span (like me) and who are pretty much always on their phone (me again) and who hate scheduling are the most susceptible to these.
over the years i struggled with time management(studying the night before the exam 🤙🏼) but! these are some tips that have helped me in scheduling, avoiding procrastination and improving time management.
1. Write it down
as always, we’re starting with BEFORE the actual task. write all tasks, assignments, projects and homework, test dates down somewhere (notebook preferably so that you dont lose it. it doesn’t have to be your bujo and you do not have to start a bujo for this specific reason!!!) and write the deadlines. this is subconscious pressure to do work once you get home. also, since you can see everything, it’s easier to schedule it out later
2. Use travel time
i cannot stress this enough!!!! sorry that it appears in all my tips posts but it truly is very useful. for short commutes, review the content you’ve learnt so that when you start on your homework, you’ve already got the hang of it. ie you dont struggle to understand the chapter and be put off from finishing your work because you hate it. long commutes can be used to complete work itself. i like to place some books and a file under my worksheet while i write (if i have a seat lol) or you can take this time to plan your time in greater detail
3. Actually plan your time
you dont have to fancy it up with like, brush pens and highlighters. just do something on google sheets or excel. divide the day into appropriate blocks of time.
for me, since i use a focus timer (50+10 or 100+20, rare cases i do 120 with a long break after that) i keep my days in 1hr blocks. so i’d block in about 1hour after i reach home to chill, clean up and so on, 2hrs for homework and the remaining time can be divided by hour/2hours to complete my work. you can tweak the timings to work for you but so far this one suits me pretty well.
4. NEVER RUSH YOUR HOMEWORK AND REVISION WHEN PLANNING!!!!
i repeat, never rush. because when you give only, say, one hour to review 3 chapters and you fail to do so within that time limit, you feel demoralised and hence, will not want to work more. this is a very common issue i believe. sometimes i would rush revise and when i couldnt stick to the timelines, i’ll feel so defeated that i’ll probably binge watch youtube to cure my self-pity LOL
give yourself an ample amount of time. Assign one or two hours a day as ‘delay time’ (this was my free time) so that you can catch up on anything that unfortunately, you couldn’t finish. Assign one day of the week to be the ‘delay day’ -- anything that you cant finish the week before, do it now. this means that you can still ‘save’ your plan even if it screwed up somewhere along the way. it works wonders, believe me! i used to have ‘delay hours’ after training where i would (ahem sadly) study from 2330-0030 if i needed to. while i was tired, i always got my work done.
5. Prioritise
this one needs no explanation. i usually choose which task to start on based on a combination of deadline+importance+graded/non-graded. i start early for graded assignments because they count towards my semester’s final grade and i want to hand up the best quality work i can. find a system which works for you! note: start project work and large assignments early.
you can assign simple tasks first to start the ball rolling, and proceed with harder tasks.
alternatively, if you’re at your prime focus, start with the hardest and scale down to the simple.
6. Make good use of holidays + Wake up early
ok i used to game a LOT and go to training a LOT (still happens now lol) during holidays but i wouldnt get any of my holiday work done.
do your holiday homework first. schedule your time well, and maybe stay home and resist the urge to go out for the first 5 days. finish all your work (again, schedule well) with breaks in between.
thereafter, schedule maybe 3-5 hours a day to revise. if you’re going out with friends, i’d suggest you wake up early to study because once you come home you’re usually dead tired HAHA
so how early is early?? during my o levels study break i would wake up at 0330 (yes, for real) but i slept at 2130 every night. so thats 6 hours of sleep wew but AT LEAST i was very productive. think about it this way: waking up early to study at 0330 makes you more productive than studying till 0330. you don’t have to wake up THIS early, but preferably early enough when the sky’s still dark so that you can fit in those extra hours. DO NOT sacrifice sleep. that’s why you can see i’m still sleeping my usual amount, albeit sleeping and waking earlier.
more perks of waking up early: its quiet outside, the air is cool, your mind gets into the ‘get shit done’ mode, and if you absolutely have to use your phone to search something up, your social media probably won’t be pinging. in other words, early mornings are actually a great time to study! remember to eat something though :>
7. Remove all distractions to prevent possible procrastination
YES i know this is the dreaded one. lock your phone somewhere inconvenient and put the key outside your room. or if you don’t lock it make sure your phone is far away from you as possible. please i know how deadly your phone can get so just put it away.
if you find yourself drifting away and looking at something else, remove that.
alternatively, change up your study environment. you don’t have to go to the library or something (you can if you want to). this is as simple as studying in a different part of the house. a new environment helps to ‘prick’ my mind and help me ignore distractions. i dont know if this is scientifically proven but oh well, worth a try.
8. 2-minute rule
this is something i picked up from @studyquill! it’s pretty helpful (although i was skeptical at first). Tell yourself you’re only going to work for 2 minutes, which helps you get into the workflow. chances are you’ll get so into it (ok not in an excited but rather in a determined way) that you don’t feel like stopping.
if you’ve had a long day and after 2 mins you still don’t get any momentum, just stop and take a 15 min break. that means you’re really too tired and there’s no point in forcing yourself to complete your work.
9. Use reminders
set reminders on your phone for the tasks you need to do. for example, if you’ve planned to start work at 1500, set the reminder to ring 5 minutes before so you have time to gather all your stuff and ready yourself to do work. no excuses!!
set reminders for your breaks as well! those are equally important.
10. Reward yourself
if everything you need to do is done, give yourself a pat on the back. have you been extremely productive? great, treat yourself to your favourite drink/snack. honestly i feel like many of our brains function on the ‘reward’ system. if we reward ourselves for a job well done, we’ll be more willing to complete tasks and stay on time in the future (the brain thinks there’s a reward coming)
remember to take care of your mental health as well! this is one good way to ensure you don’t end up mentally exhausted.
Apps to help with time management
1. Tide - focus timer, meditation, beautiful and calming soundtracks (my fav!)
2. Pendo - everything in one tbh, schedule, to-do list, journal etc. (my fav too!)
3. Forest - focus timer $$$ (free alternative: flora)
4. Donut Dog - focus timer
5. Todoist - minimalist to-do list
6. Minimalist - minimalist to-do list
7. Google Calender - your entire schedule
8. Todait - smart study planner
a quick search will bring out many more! note these are all available on iOS but i’m not sure about google play. you don’t need everything to be productive. i rely only on Tide, Pendo and my iPhone calender and reminders. It’s less about having many ‘tools’ and more about how you properly and wisely utilise them to boost your productivity and manage your time.
also i don't think pendo is very well-known?? so this is how its interface looks like for 'Notes':
it's pretty, simple and clean and there are several themes to choose from! i rly like it omg HAHA (not a promo)
alright that's all! hope it helped :>
#study tips#time management#time management tips#procrastination#how to avoid procrastination#studying tips#study motivation#study inspiration#studyspo#studyinspo#study inspo#studying advice#study advice#student#revision#studyblr#study#studying#heyharri#heypat#heyfox#heypooh#lookraha#lookecho#looktin#lookbuse#heysol#myhoneststudyblr#elleandhermione#coralstudiies
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Do you think the DC fandom maybe, Infantilizes Tim a little too much? Like for a rich kid character who's main trauma for a long time was a getting left home alone too much there's an oddly amount of meta abt how much how much his parents hurt him~ compared to, y'know the two poor characters who grew up with physically abusive dad's+druggie mom's, or the two that were raised assassin cult's, etc
…well, yeah, I do kind of think that? His whole schtick for so long was being too old for his age in ways that didn’t sacrifice his jokey, relatable teenager energies. It’s weird how little of that we see anymore, sometimes.
And then DC broke him and discarded him and he’s sort of awkwardly hanging around getting reimagined as more woobie with every fan generation. It is weird!
But tbh I do get it. And I think the reason his parents’ failure of him and his vulnerability get played up so much, and Jason and Steph’s sufferings (while used a lot for things like motivation and context) not dwelt on quite so much in the same lugubrious style, are kind of the same reason.
Which is that canon didn’t commit to it. Jason and Steph’s experiences with bad parenting were foregrounded and retconned more dramatically awful several times. (There’s some definite classism in how that was approached imo, and I’m never budging on being mad about DC retconning out Catherine being sick and then ignoring her forever in all Jason characterization because a drug death invalidates a person ig, great message during the opioid crisis guys.)
They engaged and coped with it–Steph (and Cass, our #1 canon batfam parental abuse victim) pretty directly, Jason a little less so because of the dubious and fluctuating canon status of most of the content more specific than ‘poverty, homelessness, theft, parental drugs and crime in there somewhere,’ so most of his parent issues have been focused on Bruce. He sure has dug into them tho. 😂 Rarely well or productively, thanks DC, but it’s explicitly part of his character, is my point.
Whereas upper-middle-class Tim was always treated by the narrative as fortunate and unharmed by his experiences with his parents. Even though they were clearly behaving badly in several ways, and Tim showed signs of being harmed by it.
Tim outside of immediate moments of frustration always was of the opinion he was Fine, and Very Fortunate Actually.
Therefore a huge chunk of the numerous everyone who’s got parent-related mental and emotional harm, but has struggled to have that validated and hasn’t responded with a lot of anger toward the parent, identifies with Tim. The only one who’s never really lashed out at his parents for fucking up with him. The one who still needs it explored, because canon ultimately didn’t.
[editing post to put in a readmore because lol it’s long, post otherwise unchanged]
(Dick obviously didn’t ever have any Issues with the Graysons, but he Angry Teenagered at Bruce so hard it changed Bruce’s characterization permanently, rip.)
The things Jason, Steph, and Cass have been through are dramatic, obvious, and fit stereotypes because that’s what they’re based on.
That’s important content to have, but because it’s right out there in your face even people who identify with it quite a lot are less likely to feel the need to work all the way through it again in fanworks. That part’s there. It’s text.
(Well actually Jason having been physically abused kind of wasn’t? I think? It was mostly assumed on the basis of stereotyping and Jason’s not caring about the man much even as he felt possessive of information about his death, which is valid. I don’t actually know what’s up with Willis now, Lobdell did some weird shit that lacked emotional resonance or staying power because he’s Lobdell and has no soul.
Cass’ wandering years are also ludicrously underdeveloped. But very very few comics fans or writers can personally relate to being amazing child warriors with no grasp of language living feral under bridges. That part of her life is consistently represented in terms of absences, in terms of its deviation from the norm and the deficits of normality it left her with, which is typical but unfortunate.)
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The interesting things to do with these characters are often informed by the bad stuff in their childhoods, but there’s relatively rarely that much more to say about the fact that those things were bad. They know they’re bad. They’ve had a lot of on-panel rage about it, as discussed above. Steph and Cass both beat the shit out of their dads.
Jason is, in fandom especially, a sort of Platonic ideal of a kid who’s mad about his bad childhood and really bad at figuring out where to point that rage.
(Damian is a whole other kettle of fish, because he’s been lumbered by so many detailed retcons coming so fast no two people can seem to construct compatible models of what his early childhood was like, and even more because he’s still ‘a child’ enough that he’s necessarily in a different stage of processing than someone who’s officially only a few years older than him at this point, but still functionally 8 and also 20 years older, and whose parents are no longer in the picture to continue screwing up.
Also there’s no question that if he brings up an abusive thing the League did, he will be validated by his current environment about his realization that it was in fact bad. There’s a lot of fic on that theme! But it doesn’t have the same tone precisely because it is usually understood that that support will be there if he wants it. Realizing that his previous context contained things that were wrong keeps being made the focus of his arc.)
The badness of Tim’s childhood, on the other hand, was mainly in subtext. Even when we were clearly meant to understand Jack was fucking up, like when he canceled plans with Tim at the last minute to go on a date with Tim’s stepmother, or that infamous time he came to apologize for not being a great parent and got mad Tim was distracted by a crisis on TV so he flew into a rage and took the TV and smashed it and was like ‘that’ll teach you,’ it wasn’t leaned into.
The story didn’t treat Jack as a minor villain to be overcome but like a sort of environmental hazard of childhood, like homework, to be endured and coped with. Tim said things like ‘it’s fine’ and ‘at least he left the computer.’
(And like. It’s not about having a TV and computer in his room. It’s about not letting a child have boundaries, pointedly not respecting a child’s possessions, creating an emotionally insecure environment, punishing minor infractions in proportion to their momentary impact on your own ego, physically lashing out at a proxy for the child…)
Rather like Tom King later didn’t understand about the punching from Bruce, whoever did that story (probably Dixon? I don’t care enough to check) did not understand how serious a case of bad parenting that scene was. That is most definitely textbook abusive behavior. (It’s a hell of a lot more common abusive behavior than being a lame supervillain or shooting you when you screw up, and a lot more specific than ‘was a thug, might have hit me, dead now.’)
And Tim was never allowed to be mad at his parents about it. It was fine. He needed to be ignored so he had the freedom to be Robin. He deserved his dad being mad at him because he was keeping secrets. He complained too much, although objectively he did not.
The universe punished him for ‘complaining,’ more than once. We cut straight from him shunting aside his disappointment that his postcard from his parents was just to say they weren’t coming home yet after all with ‘if it will stop all the fights they’ve been having lately it’s more than fine’ to them getting kidnapped.
He agreed not to come on the rescue mission. His mom never made it home, and his dad was in a coma for a while. And then ultimately Jack died as a result of Tim’s decision to be Robin, immediately after finally deciding to accept it.
So Tim walks around feeling a huge burden of responsibility for his parents’ deaths, and completely unable to process any hurt they did him as real or valid, especially in comparison with the far more blatant awfulness other people have been through, and canon is clearly never going to address it. Or even acknowledge it properly.
Let me repeat that because it’s kind of my main point:
People are fixated on getting Tim’s emotional abuse validated because that’s an incredibly important step in recovering from emotional abuse, and it’s one canon consistently denied him.
How ‘bad’ things are ‘in comparison to’ problems other people have is a bad and unhealthy way to engage with trauma. Okay? That’s just a really harmful framework to apply to pain.
It’s also a way that both Tim and people with experiences similar to Tim’s are encouraged to engage with their own experiences, compounding the existing problems.
So. Not a form of relatable DC was ever actually aiming for when they tried so hard (and pretty effectively) to make him a relatable character as Robin, but an enduring one for a lot of fans.
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So Tim’s childhood is a natural target for fanworks in a different way than the traumas that have been made explicit and taken seriously by the text. And then a lot of that got compounded by the way the introduction of Damian as Robin was handled, and the lack of resolution that got. And his current status as not quite having a place in the family anymore.
So between the level of projection encouraged by that context and how relatively difficult to access Tim’s Robin run has become ten years after the fact, this has led to a lot of fanworks on these themes that are based mostly on other fanworks, and stray further and further from the original content.
So at this point there’s an entire wing of Tim’s fandom wherein this side of him has expanded enormously, and he primarily exists to suffer, frequently in ways that 1) escalate to a point that is inarguably ‘valid’ and hard to dismiss and 2) set him up to rebound from it in whatever way the writer finds emotionally satisfying or useful–being ultimately cared for and reassured by people who value him (the most infantilizing option but like, popular for obvious reasons), or unveiling his brilliant scheme that was causing him to pretend to be passive in the face of mistreatment, or turning around and using his genius ninja skills to wrest power back from his abusers, or just laying down some sick burns about being treated fairly.
But not that many of the last one, because that’s mostly done with other batfam members.
Tim’s become a vehicle for a lot of vicarious coping that Steph and Jason just aren’t appropriate for, because they get angry and they get even. And those are stories that exist already, so there’s less scope for telling your own.
And because Jason’s reaction pattern is ultimately so masculine (i’ll make them all sorry! with my guns! blam blam!) while Tim’s is pretty gender-neutral, the demographics of fanfic mean that the bulk of the people using Tim vicariously in this manner are female-aligned, which has over time feminized this archetype of him a lot. Sometimes in ways I find really uncomfortable, like there’s a lot of forced pregnancy stuff which activates my panic buttons. x.x
But, ultimately, it’s fandom. People are going to do what they’re going to do, DC in their perpetual fail has hung Tim out to dry in narrative terms, and I’d rather the people who are using Tim for victimization narratives over the people who can’t dismiss or discredit him fast enough now that his position has been filled. 🤷♀️ What we gonna do? Fave’s in an awkward spot. DC hates us. This is the life in this comic book pit. XD
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Also if you’re the same anon who left me a callout about op of that weird Steph post in my inbox, or if you aren’t @ that person, 1) I refuse to get involved so I’m not answering that ask 2) those aren’t even particularly dramatic fandom crimes? That’s pretty normal? That’s just…Caring Too Much About Ships And Disagreeing With Me.
Do I also feel those opinions are kinda bad? Yeah. But I disagree with everyone about something. Chill.
#tim drake#child abuse#characterization#fanworks#fandom#batfam#emotional abuse#neglect#validation#projection#vicarious re-parenting of self#coping mechanisms#recovery#i ramble#this took too long already i'm not rewriting it into a well-organized essay#opinions#comics#in the end we are all Superboy Prime#hoc est meum#a nonny mouse#ask
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Final good bye to the fandom
TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.
This is gonna be a long ass post…
It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.
And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.
I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.
1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.
2. My mafia-AU.
3. The Darin incident.
4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)
5. Running the NSFW-blog.
6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.
Is there more?
Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!
7. "Faking" being suicidal.
8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.
9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.
10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).
11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.
12. Being a danger to my daughter.
Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.
Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.
2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events
Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.
As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.
Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?
Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.
Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…
4. Being a pedophile.
I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.
Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.
The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.
Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.
"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?
I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.
5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.
Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.
MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.
The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows:
People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.
For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!
We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.
We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…
After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.
That turned out to be huge mistake!
Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.
And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.
I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…
So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.
But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter.
So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.
I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.
6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.
People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".
I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings.
I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him.
I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue.
I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think? I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.
I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.
Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.
I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…
Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.
I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.
I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.
And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.
7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.
As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.
Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.
Wow.
I am truly sorry I survived.
I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution.
People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me.
I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.
So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.
As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.
I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.
I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.
So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.
I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.
I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.
Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?
What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.
I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.
I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.
9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.
First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?
Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.
Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…
My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.
The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore.
As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking.
This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back.
So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house.
It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too.
Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.
I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.
He didn't stop until I got the police involved.
So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.
But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.
In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it).
I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life.
The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally…
And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been…
The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why…
I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day.
But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought.
The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18.
A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country.
I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me.
My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.
On to next trauma…
A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years.
The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.
It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union.
One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work…
Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day..
But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself.
I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead.
One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out.
I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…
The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all.
Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.
Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack.
It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.
I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.
I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.
That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.
Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.
It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.
Should it have been posted online?
In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.
Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.
I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:
"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”
That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.
We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."
Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.
I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.
Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?
I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.
I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.
So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.
If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.
Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?
No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.
It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.
The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.
I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.
Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?
I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.
Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.
Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".
Read that again.
Just a rape.
This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.
Just a rape…
"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…
That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.
Rape is trauma.
Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.
10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).
*sigh*
This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?
Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.
We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.
Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.
As for me being a Nazi?
Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.
But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.
I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.
As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.
11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.
Again. Get educated.
This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.
There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.
During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.
Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.
12. Being a danger to my daughter.
I need people to elaborate here.
What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?
The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?
Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?
Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…
You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?
"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?
Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?
As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?
How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.
Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.
Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.
And we do.
There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.
This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.
I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.
Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…
If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.
And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.
Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.
All I ask for now is some peace.
You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.
But please, stop bullying me and my family.
Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.
Please stop doxxing me and calling me.
Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.
Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.
I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.
Please let me.
#good bye to ttte#tw//suicide#tw//rape#tw// bullying#tw//depression#tw//ptsd#tw//ttte#tw//sex#tw//abuse#tw//domestic abuse#I'm done
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I've never thought Dagoth Ur was that interesting tbh
Dagoth Ur isn’t very blatantly in your face. You have to be kind of committed to digging around and putting together the puzzle yourself.
Honestly this is a case where I can see why some people might not have been as sucked in as I was because there is so much ambiguity to the writing that you’re half writing your own narrative.
But I’ll tell you how I experienced Dagoth Ur.
You don’t even know he exists at first. You’re just some dumb schmuck who got dumped off a boat and from that point you can do p much whatever. The game doesn’t make you go anywhere in particular.
So let’s say you’re supposed to run off to Balmora but you can’t read signs and you suck at taking directions. You just start walking as fast (not very) in any random direction as your little McNobody footsies can carry you and after several confused days of having no idea what you’re doing you’ll actually read your journal and approximately head in the right direction.
About a week later you’ll finally go to Balmora and accidentally talk to the right person starting the main quest (This was my first Morrowind experience). You’ll do a seemingly ordinary fetch quest, get hopelessly lost in a ruin, take six wrong turns, end up in Suran and then pay for public transit to take you back to Balmora. You’ll complete your quest and go to bed and as you’re snuggled down in your ratty bunk at the fighters guild you’ll have the first of six fucky nighmares.
Congrats, you just met Dagoth Ur! Or maybe it was just a bad dream, you don’t know, you’re still nobody and you put it from your mind and wander aimlessly for awhile. Oh hi there shirtless dude in the middle of the road, did a witch steal your shit too? As you approach he speaks in a voice that sounds like he’s been gargling tar and eating lit cigarettes
“ The Sixth House is risen and lord Dagoth is its glory “
k...k cool, this is some kind of weird cultist. Unsettling but not terribly dangerous you mosey on your way and run into a couple more of those, have a few more disturbing dreams, nothing major. But then you start finding sixth house bases and these ash statues are popping up everywhere. Smugglers are carrying them. Then you find the one in Ald’ruhn in some high ranking councilor’s house, and it’s a mess. Diseased creatures have straight up killed someone and there’s something really creepy about all of it. And those creatures, hard to believe they used to be people....awful disease this corpus, sure hope you don’t get it!
By now things are escalating, it’s harder to just ignore the presence of the sixth house and if you’re like me you want to learn more so you go and ask around, read up and do even more exploring. At this point we’ve only seen Dagoth Ur in dreams. We’ve never actually met him, but his influence is impossible to deny. Like a cancer the symptoms are just steadily getting worse and even if the game doesn’t hold you to it there’s the element of a ticking clock.
The quest to cure your disease puts you on the path to your destiny and this thing has gotten bigger than you ever thought it would. This journey has become personal now and you’re talking to living gods, Dagoth Ur is no longer just a boogey man haunting your nightmares, he’s become very real and everyone is terrified.
Dagoth Ur’s presence is felt and experienced and you never actually meet him until the very end of the game. But his influence creeps and spreads out. Disease and dreams are recurring themes for this character and they both fit. Like a disease the symptoms start small and people ignore them and then as they get worse you have people who will deny that they’re sick, letting it fester and worsen before they’re willing to admit something’s wrong (the temple). ti’s actually really nicely done and conveys a lot through atmosphere alone.
This slow burn way of building up a villain really works for me and I honestly missed it in other elder scrolls games. Alduin was so disappointing by comparison.
I can see how people can find Dagoth Ur uninteresting, but I honestly I love this character and he’s still one of my faves to just ponder about.
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2, 5, 7, 13, 17, and 20 (you gave me so many lol)
under cut cuz it’s long(er than usual)
2) What do you like most about the series?
hm. if im honest, im not entirely sure! i think at least part of what got me hooked and why the series has remained so entertaining for me is just the sheer ridiculousness of it. the faces and animations, the whole concept of an ancient alien race whose society revolves around racing cars...it’s great! i don’t mean this in a bad way or that i dont take any fan content seriously, i just find it amusing looking at my content of it and thinking “man. this from a kids’ show about cars.” makes it much easier to enjoy what i make and not take it all too seriously. im just here to have fun!
5) Favorite & least favorite car(s)?
mm i answered already but i realize those were only acceleracers cars sooo…
fav: markie’s stingray..i always say this but it’s vanilla flavored..it’s so pretty
least fav: gosh all these cars are so ugly it’s hard to pick just one...i’ll just go by teams lol
wave rippers - alec’s truck is so bulky and ugly and boring *graffiti’s on it in vr chat*
street breed - side draft is such a stupid name
road beasts - moto-crossed. what the fuck?
dune ratz - kadeem i love you but...sir ur car…
scorchers - red baron. the fucking. driver has to bend over just to see out the vehicle, how is this a car
7) Favorite scene or line?
vert house scene in BP. i’ve probably watched/listened to BP at least twice as many times as any of the other movies. nolo isn’t in this scene but i like vert too and he looked cute and had nice voice acting so it’s in second place. what can i say, i cant stand action and eating lunch in the cafeteria and talking to ur dad at home is about as far from action as you can get :)
13) What ships do you like (if any)?
i have them all listed on my blog but i wanna talk about some of em that have been on my mind a lot anyway:
vertnolo - tbh i can’t see either of them being very romantic, esp with each other. they aren’t so much boyfriends as they are just friends who like to kiss lol. this ship is almost purely self-indulgence which im a little embarrassed about sometimes but hghhh. i love vert and i love nolo and instead of loving both of them individually, why not love two boys with one ship? :)
banjee/kadeem - they had very cute exchanges in world race and i would’ve loved to see more of them!
banjee/ez/skeet - damn banjee how come i let you have two boyfriends AND a girlfriend? they seem to be canonically very good friends, and i love the idea of the three of them getting into trouble together...or rather banj/ez getting into trouble and skeet being reluctantly dragged along. he seems the least willing to break rules but they are all ride or die for each other
tork/tone - this may not have worked out in canon and there’s not much to work off of there anyway in terms of dynamic so i don’t draw it much, but rival team leaders are always an interesting ship in my experience lol. plus they both desperately needed some character development so hey they have that in common!
dad wheeler/tezla/gelorum - the dilf/gilf/milf dynamic. they are all exes.
lani/vert and karma/nolo - platonically, they both feel like they have a sibling-like dynamic and their aesthetics fit together very nicely. vert and lani have some stuff in common and get along fairly well and karma seems to look after nolo quite a bit. i don’t have a lot of solid ideas for either of them, but seeing/thinking about them interacting makes me really happy :D
17) If you could design a realm of your own what sort of theme would it have?
well i’ve already answered for my flower/forest/fairy-themed aesthetic and fish and stars are already taken...what other aesthetics do i have..?
this is very vague but i really like seeing vibrant pink color palettes. im better at designing stuff thru drawing than text but i dont feel like drawing rn so ig just something that looks like either this warm pink sort of palette or this purple-ish one. like a sort of..sunset realm? not sure about the track or obstacles, i just want it to be pink and pretty. ooh or a crystalline realm!! maybe even combine the two!
20) What would you like to see/have seen in a continuation?
i want the drivers to beat the shit out of tezla. i really loved the parts of ult race where the two teams worked together and made amends, but it’s sad that we didn’t get to see much of that dynamic until the very end, especially since it’s kinda drowned out by all the action (i get it’s the finale, but also...i hate action). i would love to have seen more of those new relationships and how they would work out in different situations. like more of what we got to see of the characters’ interactions throughout the series, only this time its without them all being ~2 secs away from strangling each other.
the characters working together and building completely new dynamics between each other as the series progresses..maybe certain characters become unexpected but very good friends whose personalities complement each other in unexpected ways! maybe there are new conflicts that arise between the characters that stem from their personalities/backgrounds/etc. themselves rather than some arbitrary team rivalry! ooohh there’s just so much potential here!!
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Ok! Here we go! 37, 42, and ALL of The Deep Lore. For whoever you want! :p
Thank you, darlin’ <3<3<3
Loke!
37. Do they have any phobias?
Phobias per say? No. They are quite uncomfortable around cats. So far the only exceptions have been Bheka, Ice Cream and Cheesecake. Just give them time to get to know the cat and they'll let their guard down.
42. What’s the dumbest thing your character’s done?
Oh this is constant let's be honest. When he sees someone's in danger he rushes in to help even at the detrament of his own well being.
47. What was this character’s biggest turning point in their life, something that changed them almost completely?
Daaaaamn, sorry, I'll try to tl;dr this aa best I can.
When he was 21 years old he and Jelani (8 years old at that moment) went to deliver some supplies to a village. On the way they ran into raiders who attacked them but Loki ran off to keep the supplies safe but more importantly keep Jelani safe.
He put Jelani on his horse and ran the horse away so his little brother wouldn't be in danger. To keep the raiders from him he stood his ground and tried to stall them for as long as he could. Given the fact that this was a large group of raiders he knew he was gonna die but this just goes to prove the validity of question 42.
He tries to fight 'em off and is actually doing fairly well as raiders are used to a certain fighting style from the locals but Loke one of Loke's parents is not a local and taught him how her people fight so successfully splicing both styles meant he had the element of unpredictability on his side. However, one of them found his horse's tracks and annouced he was gonna give chase which freaked Loke out and in a moment of letting his guard down he gets run through with a sword. In pain and scared for his brother he tries to grab his axe and doesn't see the behemoth sized creature quietly watching from between the trees. So as the leader of these raiders is about to stab Loke the creature grabs this dude and everyone in the area is staring like wtf is this thing and start attacking it. With the little bit of energy he has left Loke just watches but somehow he ain't scared bc the more he stares at the creature the more familiar it feels. Creature makes short work of them rips the leader's arm right off and tosses his body away.
The creature actually changes size to amount the height of an adult human and turns to find Loke had bled to death (he has that thing where his blood doesn't coagulate and he just keeps on bleeding). Creature nudges him a bit as it kneels next to the body and places its hands on the injury and breathes a weird mist from out of its mouth onto Loke's face who quickly sits up in a coughing fit. Creature helps him up but Loke faints into its arms.
Loke then wakes up to see Jelani sleeping next to him and it's night time now. He checks himself to see he doesn't have a stab wound on him or even a scar, he doesn't even see any blood anywhere. He looks around and sees the horse and a small fire next to them. He goes to check Jelani but finds a black feather underneath Jelani, as he picks it up he sees small embers floating up from it and he suddenly remembers the creature but weirdly enough he wasn't afraid of it. He just remembers a weird familiar feeling after he saw it.
So basically he died but came back and somehow it was Jela that did it. To this day he still has the feather. It hasn't rotted or broken apart and it still feels warm to the touch.
48. What was their lowest point? What was their highest point?
Lowest point was when they lost their fiancé. They were injured so their fiancé went to the aid of another village but most in the group died. This kinda left Loke in a daze for a while and if it hadn't been for their family they woulda just faded away probably.
Highest point? They went to med school just like their mom did. So whenever they feel like retiring they'll fall back on that. Mean time, the thrill of being the field medic who has full mastery of any firearm you can think of is where they'll remain.
49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?
Love, more specifically unconditional love. Love is stored in the redhead.
50. What are some motifs associated with your character?
Protection, healing and calm.
51. What were some inspirations for your character (people, movies, games)?
Ok so not much, check question 53 for better explanation. I will say that his original name was supposed to be Loki as I was still drooling like a dog in heat over Marvel Loki. But I didn't wanna be too direct about it so I named him Loke which honestly...lmao same thing but ya know. It's "different" enough for me to get away with it.
52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?
Both of us are clingy, needy and a bit emotional tbh. We're both really protective of people we love. It literally takes just a word and we're both gunning for whoever's acting up towards family, partners or friends. Also gamers. We also enjoy singing except they can sing well and I can't lol.
They're a hell of a lot braver than I am that's for damn sure.
53. Expectations vs Reality: what did you expect and what did you get with this character?
Expectation: He was supposed to be some plot point with no real purpose except to die very horribly to push Jelani in a specific direction. He had no personality and no real info save for a name and the fact that he was Jelani's older brother.
Reality: I'm a pain in the ass and cover all my bases as much as I can so I started giving Loke some background info and a personality and then I expanded on it and fell head over heels in love with him and things drastically changed and from there we have the Loke we know of today. He's grown as a core character and tbh it would NOT be the same without him.
54. What does your character want, and what do they need?
They're pretty comfy where they're at. They have a fantastic little dog that they spoil and love to bits. The job while dangerous is exciting and they know it's for the greater good. They have their brother with them which to them is super important. Their friends are close and family is just a drive or flight away. Out of my OCs Loke is probably one of the few that has everything they need and want tbh.
Some more video games and coffee and food wouldn't hurt tho.
55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? What happens when these all interact with each other?
I think it's sort of a tie between patience and love. Best trait is def understanding. Worst? Overprotectiveness.
Like I've said before on a violence scale Loke is the second most violent character due to them being so overprotective. Understanding kind of goes out the window if it means they're brother, family or friends are in any kind of trouble. I don't personally see it as a fault but maybe some people might ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
56. What’s your overall goal with this character? Will they get a happy ending or will they succumb to their faults?
Tbh I don't really know how to answer this. They fill the role of the medic in the field, they're also the "big brother" figure within the group. They're also like...the calming presence.
They most definitely will get a happy ending. They deserve it.
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The Sims 4 Star Wars Journey to Batuu: Community’s First Impressions
When EA revealed The Sims 4 Star Wars: Journey to Batuu during today’s Gamescom Opening Night Live, players in the community took to social media to let their opinion on the game be known. The Fansite Simsvip ask players on Twitter what their initial thoughts were, so here is a collection of thoughts from players around the community…
It’s basically Strangerville but with a super niche audience. No one will get most of the references unless they’re a Star Wars fan. It’ll probably provide an hour of gameplay and that’s it. Ngl though it looks well made
— Sugar G (@appIause) August 27, 2020
I personally don't see a place for it in the Sims franchise as an actual in-world location. The Sims is supposed to be a life simulation at heart with fantasy thrown in. Not a badly disquised advert for a completely different I.P. If I wanted to play a Star Wars game I'd buy one.
— Alistair Stuart (@Alistu_Sims) August 27, 2020
It's a cool idea. For some reason I love shameless branding like this. It will probably be a nice change of pace at the very least.
— Paul (@ThePJBentley) August 27, 2020
It's not my favorite theme. But since it's here.. I'm going to take full advantage of it 😊
— Mimy S Flores (@mimysf1111) August 27, 2020
Definitely not a pack I would enjoy. Either for the game content. Storyline or the build and buy it all looked very uninteresting, I may still enter in some giveaways for the pack but this will be the 2nd pack including bowling I will never purchase. Just not enough in it:)
— JoJo🕵️♀️ (@JoJoPandaX) August 27, 2020
I’m not a fan of the movie series but this pack actually interests me
— Akane (@Aka_RoseGaming) August 27, 2020
Its unexpected but i think it'll be fun. And it also means i can make my swtor characters in sims so thats honestly what I'm looking forward to most with this.
— Shey (@Shey_Shen) August 27, 2020
I’m excited! I love the idea of missions to influence which side wins. I do think it will be fun to play with still might wait for a sale 😅
— Sophie is not Social (@SophienotSocial) August 27, 2020
I've sat idly by while knitting and laundry and university packs rolled around. They weren't my cup of tea or first choice, but I never tore down and ostracized those who were excited because the DLCs didn't fit my own personal expectations.
I'm really excited for this pack! 😊
— LanceChristophr (@lancechristophr) August 27, 2020
Literally the first pack I have absolutely no interest in buying. I am very disappointed. It's fine for those who are fans and all, but I feel like this pack is so specific. I usually can find SOMETHING I like even in the packs that really aren't my gameplay style but this? NO :(
— Louise Laursen (@PurpleMio) August 27, 2020
Feel like we already had enough star wars content in the game. I feel like a into the future pack mightve been more well received. At least there are people who enjoy it though so can’t say no one’s getting anything good!
— bag of bones (@savantavocado) August 27, 2020
I hoped it wasn't going to be star wars when I heard. I don't have anything against the franchise, it's the fact that it' so highly specific and caters to a different audience is what baffles me. It's obvious that it's something that was pushed by EA to advertise their new game.
— 🍞𝙇𝙀𝙀💕 (@imCement) August 27, 2020
My thoughts were "Where is my Harry Potter pack?" Like boarding school for children sims, werewolves, fairies, etc.
— 🌈Jordan aka Snow🌈 (@Bookfangirl742) August 27, 2020
I 100% didn't need it right now. I feel like this was more an EA/Disney move rather than the core Sims team. Mainly because we need so much more in terms of gameplay, representation and playability. I could've got behind it if it was released sometime next year instead of now.
— Camille (@CraftyGamer89) August 27, 2020
I think the reason everyone has such an issue is that there are so many things the sims 4 is missing as a life simulation game and then they choose to put the time and effort into a star wars pack..i happy for those who want it but i get why everyone else is so upset
— Lauren Attwood (@LaurenAttwood69) August 27, 2020
We wanted more realistic gameplay and the gave us Starwars?!?! Why??!?!
— willemijn kroon (@williekr2000) August 27, 2020
im just... wow, at least I wasn't mad but rather sad how EA is so disconnected to the Sims fanbase desires and pleas for our favorite game
— I build anything and I stan OT9, OT4, & OT7! (@J_Lanz16) August 27, 2020
im just... wow, at least I wasn't mad but rather sad how EA is so disconnected to the Sims fanbase desires and pleas for our favorite game
— I build anything and I stan OT9, OT4, & OT7! (@J_Lanz16) August 27, 2020
Not feeling optimistic about it at all tbh, looks like it may have about as much replay value as Strangerville buuuuut at the same time it opens up the option to lightsaber duel Judith Ward so I guess I’ll give it a shot
— Dex (@Theyhrite) August 27, 2020
Excited for the droids and lightsabers. Seem like they can be fun and I image there will be a mod out soon for a lightsaber death since the sims will probably not give us one
— 🐁 ғᴇᴀɴᴏʀ ⟴🐀 (@_neonheart_) August 27, 2020
maybe if the game was more complete then sure but, the sims feels very empty and is lacking a lot. the last thing we need is a star wars pack right now
— heather (@heathermk_) August 27, 2020
i think it could be cool if your sims could actually live on batuu (maybe after completing the story or smth idk) but if it just turns out like a vacation world you go to once and then forget about it's gonna be disappointing
— cali (@caligumu) August 27, 2020
baffled, honestly. like. why is this a thing?! I have zero interest in farming or "better babies" but this just feels *really* out of place?? Strangerville has its appeal and Eco Lifestyle was just a very very bad case of "poor marketing", but this is just. 🤔🤔🤔
— Fae (@fae_of_the_rose) August 27, 2020
I said this before but...
They are going to add light sabers before inclusive skin tones... let that sink in.
— Lil Ass Kicker (@Firelillx) August 27, 2020
THE SIMS 4 IS NOT IMMERSIVE ENOUGH FOR THIS TYPE OF NICHE GAME PACK!! They have refused to fix some of the most basic features (skin tones & babies) but they have the time and resources for these new special aliens??????? Make it make sense.
— whatamievendoin (@whatamievendo14) August 27, 2020
We already have Sixam which is not exploiting. Why take a franchise that does not reach the players. pic.twitter.com/aPhd1QBmZs
— The Queen alien -🛸 sims - (@The_Queen_Alien) August 27, 2020
Not at all interested.
— Sunshine (@sunshine0375) August 27, 2020
I was a little worried how this would combine with the Sims. It seemed so alien (no pun intended) to the rest of the gameplay. But after seeing the trailer I can’t help with being excited. It looks beautiful and definitely different. The build and buy objects look great so far
— Chantal Noordeloos (@C_Noordeloos) August 27, 2020
I’m still wtf’ing. It’s too niche for a game that is supposed to be a LIFE simulation game, too specific-to-star-wars-fans to appeal to a wider audience. It also makes me sad thinking about the future of the franchise when they seem so disconnected in what the community wants.
— Hayley Marie (@countrystrongau) August 27, 2020
What are your initial thoughts on the The Sims 4 Star Wars: Journey to Batuu Game Pack? Let us know in the comments below!
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So, hey, a while ago I came up with this ask game about songs I associate with Arthurian characters. I had a lot of fun with that, but really wanted it to be more streamlined, so I came up with this solution - a list of Arthurian characters and the songs I associate with them.
Now, before we get into the list proper, I need to establish some things, the main one being that these song choices are primarily based on my interpretations of the characters, which is going to become extremely relevant with a few key choices that deviate completely from the normal story. Also, as an inevitable follow-through of this, these songs are entirely subject to my musical tastes, so if you're wondering why most of this list is either Heather Dale, Miracle of Sound or Jeff and Casey Lee Williams that's why. Finally, obviously not every Arthurian character is on this list - with some of the big-name ones like Merlin that's because I couldn't come up with a song choice, with others it's because I haven't fully come up with my version of them and as a result I'm still figuring them out.
With all that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this list!
King Arthur – Kingsword by Heather Dale
Kinda an obvious one - it's literally about Arthur - but I really like it and think it fits well with my version of Arthur, especially the last line of the chorus, 'A boy's hand will grasp it/A man's raise it high' - a major plot point of The Boy King is that Arthur has to grow up incredibly fast after the Sword in the Stone, and this song reflects that.
Guinevere – As I Am by Heather Dale
Again, another obvious one. This song brings into focus one major aspect of the Arthur/Guinevere relationship I play up - it's as much about their ideals as their attraction. Guinevere marries Arthur because she believes in his vision for Britain, and Arthur relies on Guinevere a lot for moral support. This is their greatest strength together, but it's also their greatest weakness - Arthur will later place faith in Guinevere's understanding of his vision where he shouldn't, and that will be the thing that turns Guinevere to Lancelot.
Morgan le Fay – Divide & Armed and Ready by Casey Lee Williams
Moving on to my favourite character in Arthuriana, Morgan gets two songs because... I wanted to give Morgan two songs. No, really it's because Morgan is complicated, and the two songs present her two moods more or less throughout her story - either vengefully, apocalyptically angry, or just righteously angry. That's my favourite thing about Morgan's story - she has a redemption arc, to be sure, but at no point during it does she accept that her motivation was wrong - Uther and Merlin deserved what she wanted to give them, her sin was in taking her anger out on people that had nothing to do with her revenge. So, whilst it's not as simple as a black and white 'Divide is Morgan pre-redemption, Armed and Ready is Morgan post', there is a sense that Armed and Ready is Morgan at her calmest. Also, because visually Morgan takes a lot of cues from the Trollhunters version of her, I've had a lot of fun with the 'I am the Golden One' line.
Morgause – Mordred’s Lullaby by Heather Dale
Yet another easy one - some might think it works better for Mordred, but I have other ideas for him. Not really much else to say - it's Morgause at her most evil, going places even Morgan won't - note how Divide calls out using children as weapons, whereas Lullaby goes 'yeah, I'm doing that Count of Monte Christo shit'.
Mordred – Mordred’s Song by Blind Guardian
Because edgelord Mordred gets edgelord rock song. Mordred is interesting, because I really don’t like the ‘born pure evil’ idea of Mordred, and as such his story is much more of a tragedy than even Arthur - a man who makes what he feels are the best decisions with what he has to work with, who slowly comes to the realisation that he's the villain of this story. Hence, a song that refers to his acts of evil as 'No one asked if I want this/If I like this'.
Nimue – Indomitable by Casey Lee Williams
This one was tough to keep in - whilst I'm absolutely certain that it fits my version of Nimue, the song itself is deeply personal for the people who made it, about an actual tragedy that happened to them, and I'm deeply uncomfortable saying that 'actually it's about this'. So, provided we're all aware that this is, more than any other song on the list, me twisting the original intent to fit my own idea, this is perfect for Nimue, particularly Nimue immediately after imprisoning Merlin and taking over his role as The Light Mage, the Big Good of the magical world. Her story’s pretty interesting, but the theme of trying to fill shoes that are way to big for you and eventually realising you can’t and the best you can do is try your best and do your own thing is prevalent and reflected perfectly by this song.
Lancelot – C’est Moi by Frederick Loewe and Alan Jay Lerner/Bad Luck Charm by Jeff Williams
Like Morgan, Lancelot gets two songs, but unlike Morgan there is an absolutely sharp divide between these two. To use a Fate reference as shorthand, C'est Moi is Lancelot as a Saber, whilst Bad Luck Charm is Lancelot as Beserker. C'est Moi is kinda the perfect song for Lancelot for most of the story - oozing self-confidence, probably too smug for his own good but exactly the right level of smug where you're not sure if you want to punch him or kiss him, it's great for Lancelot. Bad Luck Charm, on the other hand, is basically what's playing on a loop in Lancelot's head as soon as he gets caught with Guinevere, especially given he survives Camlann. Countless dead, two civil wars ripping the country apart, his friends either killed at his hands or cursing his name, his king and queen in a place he cannot get to, and all the while he's left to wander the world knowing that it's all his fault.
Gawain – Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by Heather Dale
Not really much to say about this one - it's definitely influenced my interpretation of Gawain as the Pagan Knight to Lancelot's Christian Knight, and a lot of the events the song describes are what happens when the Green Knight comes to play, but all in all its just a really good song.
Kay – True and Destined Prince by Heather Dale
Being the deuteragonist of the Boy King, Kay is someone I've put a lot of thought into, and this song is definitely a part of my writers playlist I keep listening to to get into the Kay mood. In particular the key defining factor of Kay is loyalty - particularly to Arthur the person, because obviously anyone trying to hurt his little brother is getting smacked. Kay is basically the Leo McGarry to Arthur's Jed Bartlet if that makes any sense, helping to make Arthur's dreams a reality, and there's also the factor that Kay and Arthur always consider one another brothers, which the song definitely reflects.
Bedivere – I Follow My King by Heather Dale
You may notice that this song is basically the same thematically as Kay's song. This is because Kay and Bedivere are a healthy couple that communicate their feelings with one another and come to reasonable compromises, so obviously their attitudes towards certain things are very similar. But talking about Bedivere in particular, this song works better for him than Kay because of one key aspect about Bedivere - whereas Gawain swears allegiance to Arthur for initially very mercenary ideals, and Lancelot swears to Arthur because of Arthur's reputation, Bedivere swears to Arthur because he's experienced Arthur growing up, he's seen the kind of man he's grown into, and he knows that Arthur's going to be a great king. Also the song works better for Bedivere because if Arthur tried pulling the shit the subject of this song does on Kay he's get locked in his room until he learnt not to be an idiot.
Ragnelle – Force of Nature by Miracle of Sound
Tbh it's mainly here for the line 'They rant of redemption/As I leave them long behind' which is peak Ragnelle energy - Ragnelle doesn't care about your feelings or what you think about her, she's doing her own thing and she demands you take her seriously. Aside from that, Ragnelle in my version has a faintly Fae connection to the Otherworld, and even if I go with the idea of her dying (I'm still undecided on that) it's more than likely that she ends up in some other place where her and Gawain can spend their days, so there's a particular melancholy to the lines 'I can hear the worlds unseen/I can hear them call to me'.
Galahad – A Thousand Eyes by Miracle of Sound
This definitely doesn't seem like a song that fits Galahad, does it? It's certainly not the one I picked when I did the original format of this list, so what gives? Well, more than maybe any other song on this list, this one is influenced by my specific version of Galahad, and that is influenced by my specific version of the Grail Quest, which I only codified a few months ago - namely, by saying 'fuck it' and making it a horror story. I'm not kidding. There's a lot of complexity in this interpretation, and I'd love to go more in depth about it at a later date, but for now know that my Galahad isn't a clumsy Jesus stand-in, he's more like a Lovecraft protagonist briefly brushing against things beyond mortal ken before being consumed by them, and as such I could think of no better song than this one.
Gareth – Touch the Sky by Casey Lee Williams
Now, as with Galahad there are certain key things you need to know about my version of Gareth before the song makes sense. Unlike Galahad, this one is very simple: the boy is trans. Absolutely, unambiguously trans. His story is explicitly trans, he's explicitly trans, and as I've been reliabily informed by certain people this song has a lot of Good Trans Vibes, which I can definitely see. Honestly Gareth's story is another one I could probably talk about for a while, especially because I'm really unsure about certain bits of it, being cis and very wary of screwing up trans rep, but for now I'll leave it at this song being perfect for Gareth in Camelot, finally able to be himself and not Morgause junior - because if you expected Morgause to be a good mum you need to listen to Mordred’s Lullaby again.
Ywain – Stay By My Side by Miracle of Sound
Cute friendship song for the boy with the lioness companion, not much more to say about it. There is a search for identity element in both Journey and Ywain's story, in Ywain's case being a search for his own meaning outside of his family, but mainly its a cute soft song for a cute soft lion boy.
Dinadan – Knights of the Round Table by Monty Python
Because what else would it be?
Uther – Lionize by Jeff Williams
Asshole attracts asshole, and Uther's just enough of a dick that Adam's particular brand of 'everyone who isn't like me is weak and cowardly and only I can see what's necessary to save us all, you'll see I'm right in the end'. Also, you may notice there's no Merlin song here, and whilst that's partially because I don't know a song that could explain my complicated feelings towards Merlin, this song also tells you everything you need to know about Merlin, because if Merlin can look at someone who's got this in their heads and think he's a perfect candidate for the throne then maybe Morgan has a point after all.
Igraine – The Best I Can by Miracle of Sound
Igraine might have one of the most complicated backstories in The Boy King, involving mermaids, Mirror Universe Wonder Woman and the plot of ICO, but none of that is strictly speaking relevant to the story as is told. Basically, Igraine has been through a lot, and this song is about her trying to prepare all her children for the cruel world out there, and also knowing that she can't. It's kind of a downer to end on, but hey it's Arthurian Legend - it's all a downer.
#arthurian legend#arthuriana#arthurian mythology#arthurian literature#king arthur#arthur pendragon#guinevere#morgan le fay#morgause#mordred#nimue#sir lancelot#sir gawain#sir kay#sir bedivere#ragnelle#sir galahad#sir gareth#sir ywain#sir dinadan#uther pendragon#igraine#heather dale#miracle of sound#jeff williams#casey lee williams
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