#tw//domestic abuse
Text
Final good bye to the fandom
TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.
This is gonna be a long ass post…
It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.
And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.
I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.
1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.
2. My mafia-AU.
3. The Darin incident.
4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)
5. Running the NSFW-blog.
6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.
Is there more?
Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!
7. "Faking" being suicidal.
8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.
9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.
10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).
11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.
12. Being a danger to my daughter.
Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.
Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.
2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events
Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.
As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.
Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?
Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.
Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…
4. Being a pedophile.
I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.
Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.
The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.
Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.
"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?
I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.
5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.
Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.
MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.
The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows:
People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.
For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!
We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.
We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…
After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.
That turned out to be huge mistake!
Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.
And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.
I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…
So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.
But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter.
So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.
I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.
6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.
People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".
I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings.
I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him.
I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue.
I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think? I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.
I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.
Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.
I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…
Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.
I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.
I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.
And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.
7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.
As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.
Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.
Wow.
I am truly sorry I survived.
I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution.
People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me.
I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.
So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.
As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.
I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.
I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.
So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.
I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.
I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.
Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?
What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.
I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.
I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.
9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.
First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?
Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.
Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…
My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.
The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore.
As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking.
This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back.
So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house.
It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too.
Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.
I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.
He didn't stop until I got the police involved.
So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.
But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.
In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it).
I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life.
The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally…
And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been…
The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why…
I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day.
But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought.
The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18.
A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country.
I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me.
My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.
On to next trauma…
A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years.
The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.
It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union.
One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work…
Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day..
But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself.
I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead.
One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out.
I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…
The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all.
Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.
Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack.
It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.
I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers.
I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.
I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.
That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.
Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.
It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.
Should it have been posted online?
In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.
Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.
I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:
"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”
That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.
We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."
Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.
I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.
Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?
I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.
I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.
So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.
If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.
Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?
No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.
It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.
The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.
I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.
Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?
I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.
Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.
Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".
Read that again.
Just a rape.
This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.
Just a rape…
"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…
That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.
Rape is trauma.
Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.
10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).
*sigh*
This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?
Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.
We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.
Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.
As for me being a Nazi?
Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.
But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.
I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.
As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.
11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.
Again. Get educated.
This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.
There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.
During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.
Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.
12. Being a danger to my daughter.
I need people to elaborate here.
What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?
The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?
Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?
Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…
You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?
"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?
Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?
As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?
How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.
Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.
Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.
And we do.
There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.
This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.
I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.
Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…
If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.
And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.
Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.
All I ask for now is some peace.
You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.
But please, stop bullying me and my family.
Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.
Please stop doxxing me and calling me.
Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.
Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.
I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.
Please let me.
#good bye to ttte#tw//suicide#tw//rape#tw// bullying#tw//depression#tw//ptsd#tw//ttte#tw//sex#tw//abuse#tw//domestic abuse#I'm done
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Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp Fact Check: MASTERLIST (28/04/2022)
VIOLENCE/ABUSE:
Heard has proven 12 out of 14 incidents of abuse by Depp “to the civil standard.
Texts from Depp’s assistant shows his assistant saying Depp kicked Heard; “He was appalled. When I told him he kicked you, he cried…It was disgusting. And he knows it.”
Depp is on audio telling Amber Heard to cut him. He continues to tell her to cut him while wielding a knife, and she is heard begging him to put the knife down.
Texts from Depp to Paul Bettany joke about murdering Amber and raping her dead body. (Video of it being read in court here)
Texts about him talking about smacking Amber Heard around.
Audio reveals Depp shouting and calling Heard a “fat ass” a “cunt” and Heard telling him to put his cigarettes out on someone else.
“‘Her lip was swollen and busted up a bit, and she also had these horrible cuts on her arms – like gashes … The she told me that the cuts on her arms were from the broken glass that was from him throwing bottles and smashing glasses all over the place.’” (Heard’s sister, Whitney).
“Ms Pennington said that she could see gashes on Ms Heard’s arms from her wrists to her elbows. In cross-examination Ms Pennington said that one arm was cut worse than the other. Ms Heard told Ms Pennington that the soles of her feet were also cut. Ms Heard said that Mr Depp had thrown a bottle at her; there had been broken glass all over the ground which was how she had cut her feet.“
Johnny destroying Heard’s closet: “Good morning sir … So …. um Johnny destroyed Amber’s closet”. (page 82)
"As Ms Lloyd said, ‘We had to restrain both of them.’” Depp supposedly instigated the violence, Heard retaliated. (page 81/82)
Diary entry by Heard talks about Depp strangling her and hitting her in the head: “Our fight was terrible. J [Mr Depp] finally at one point found himself with his shirt wrapped around my neck… He hit me several times. I don’t even know how I wound up with this huge rather annoying knot on the back of my head?” (page 84)
Depp refers to the fight on the train as getting “physical”: ‘..other than the fact that we had a fight on the train, which was physical…’ (page 83)
Text message from Heard to her publicist; “ I’m really bruised and might have a black eye or two tmrw – same with my nose. Nurse on the way to make sure I don’t have concussion.” There are also texts to her psychotherapist saying it’s an ‘emergency’ and a text to a friend in which she says “J beat me up pretty good”. (page 87)
Photos of Heard bruised “which the metadata shows were taken on the morning and afternoon of 16th December 2015”. (page 88)
Makeup artist recalls having to cover up bruising on Heard’s nose, eyes, and her lip injury with red lipstick. (page 89)
Although Depp claims Heard hit him at a party in 2016, the photos of injury Depp claims happened in 2016, where found to be from 2015: “This version of the picture has a date stamp of 23rd March 2015. It could not have been taken after the birthday party on 21st April 2016.” The photo instead was from a previous occasion in which Ms Heard already admitted that she punched Mr Depp. (page 99)
Despite police claims, photos of Heard injuries with meta data show she did sustain injuries by Depp: “There are the photographs. The metadata is not disputed and shows that one of the photographs of Ms Heard’s face was taken before the first pair of police officers arrived.” They also show damage to the apartment. (page 107)
Depp texted Bettany that he “pounded and displayed ugly colors to Amber on a recent journey".
HEARD’s CLAIMS:
Heard has previously admitted to hitting Johnny and throwing things at him to defend herself in her original 7hr deposition. (2016)
“She admitted that in the course of this argument, she struck Mr Depp in order, she said, to protect Whitney.” (page 80)
In regards to the donations: “Amber has already been responsible for seven figures in donations to charitable causes and intends to continue to contribute and eventually fulfill her pledge. However, Amber has been delayed in that goal because Mr. Depp filed a lawsuit against her, and consequently, she has been forced to spend millions of dollars defending Mr. Depp’s false accusations against her.”
“Please tell people it was a fair fight and see what the jury and judge think. Tell the world, Johnny. Tell them, Johnny Depp. I, Johnny Depp, …. man*, I’m-I’m a victim too of domestic violence and I, y’know, it’s a fair fight and see how many people believe or side with you”.
[*NOTE: Heard is using “man” as in “oh, man”, not in reference to Depp’s gender.]
“Full audio shows Heard talking about how their relationship is not “fair fight”, he scoffs and replies “it doesn’t matter” and “fair fight, my ass”, Heard responds “exactly” and that Depp is “bigger and stronger”. Heard goes on to talk about why she felt the need to call 911 after he threw the phone at her face and laid his hands on her.
THE FINGER CLAIM:
Deuters (Depp’s friend) admitting that the story of Depp’s injury was a public relations disaster and saying: ‘Just make sure you say you aren’t sure how he hurt his hand. (page 75)
Depp’s texts to his doctor states he cut his own finger off. Another text is found of Depp again saying he cut his own finger off. Doctor’s notes show the injury is more suggestive of a crushing mechanism. In fact, Depp told three separate people that he cut his own finger off.
Depp heard on tape stating, “I’m talking about Australia. The day I chopped my finger off”.
“Nor did Mr Depp say that Ms Heard had been responsible for the injury to his finger in either of his two texts to sister Christi on 8th March 2015.” (page 78)
FECES PRANK/CLAIM:
Heard did not defecate in Depp’s bed and the previous judge ruled it unlikely. The judge in the previous case ruled it likely it were the dogs, as there was evidence it “had an incomplete mastery of her bowels.”
“Ms. Heard gave evidence that Boo had in the past defecated on the bed and that she herself had cleaned it up rather than leave that task to Ms Vargas.” (page 100)
Furthermore, Depp is on text’s with his assistant’s suggesting to him to defecate and tell Amber it was the dogs as a prank
DRUGS/ALCOHOL:
Texts from Depp’s daughter (Lily-Rose Depp) and Depp himself show that Amber helped him stay sober. Depp talking to his mother-in-law, Paige Heard about Amber helping him.
Texts from Heard and Lily-Rose Depp show the two had an amicable relationship.
Texts show Depp’s constant use of alcohol and drugs, mentioning his “blackouts”. More texts here, and here. Texts show Depp referring to his addiction as the “Monster”, even to Elton John who was helping him with his sobriety.
An audio shows Depp telling Heard he will never get clean or sober. Amber can be heard crying. Another audio shows Heard crying and saying, “All the coke you’ve done today, and all the booze you’ve drunk today, has it helped us?”
PREVIOUS LIBEL CASE:
As stated, the previous judge ruled Heard has proven 12 out of 14 incidents of abuse.
“For all of these reasons I accept that the Defendants have shown that the words they published were substantially true in the meanings I have held them to bear. The Claimant has not succeeded in his action for libel.” (2020)
Depp’s previous lawyer, Adam Waldman was accused of dishonesty, and was thrown off the case for leaking confidential information to the press and social media which was protected via court order.
Depp’s team was accused of using bots to influence opinion of social media. Bot Sentinel, a group that uses artificial intelligence to detect and track troll bots & suspect Twitter accounts, found the actress “had been a victim of an ongoing targeted harassment and smear campaign”.
(Waldman is a long-time US lobbyist for Russian oligarchs.)
OTHER OPINIONS/LINKS:
Depp in texts talking about wanting to cause “global humiliation” for Heard.
Depp defending Roman Polanski: “Roman is not a predator. He’s 75 or 76 years old. He has got two beautiful kids, he has got a wife that he has been with for a long, long time. He is not out on the street.”
Depp is close friends with Marilyn Manson, who has his own abuse allegations against him, and who is also suing his victims for defamation.
PREV. LEGAL ISSUES & CAREER:
Depp was arrested in 1989 for assaulting a security guard after the police were called to end a loud party at his hotel room.
He was also arrested in New York City in 1994 after damaging a hotel room he was staying in with Kate Moss.
Depp brawling with the paparazzi.
In 2018, Depp assaulting crew member on the set of City of Lies.
In 2018, two of Depp’s former bodyguards sued him for unpaid fees and unsafe working conditions. The suit was settled in 2019.
Depp was constantly late and drunk on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean.
Depp will also supposedly receive his full salary for the third Fantastic Beasts movie, despite filming only one scene for it and being asked to leave the project.
Texts show that Depp told Heard she was not to take roles, stating “No goddamn meetings. No movies”. (x)
Depp admits to getting, “irrational”, “crazy”, and “jealous” when Heard is filming.
Charges against Heard for bringing her dogs to Australia were dropped; it was a supposed mix-up with her staff being dismissed who were to do the paperwork. Heard apologised, and admitted to her wrongdoing, pleading guilty.
Heard sought a restraining order from Depp in 2016. She also sought an order requiring Depp to attend 52 weeks of anger management courses. (page 19)
PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS:
Depp started dating Winona Ryder when she was a minor, and 17 years old to his 25 [edit:] 26 years. (Depp is 23 years older than Heard.)
Depp called his ex-wife a “French extortionist ex-cunt” and a “withering whore”.
Heard was granted a restraining order against Depp.
Depp was the one to originally ask Amber to settle outside of court, and the couple issued a statement that, “Neither party has made false accusations for financial gain.”
Heard’s previous girlfriend has come to Heard’s defence, saying that Heard never abused her and that the police officers who claimed it had misogynistic and homophobic attitudes once they realised Heard and her were partners.
Ellen Barkin, Depp’s ex, testified Depp threw a wine bottle at her during an argument between Depp and his assistant. (page 43)
DEPP’S JEALOUSY:
Depp has used abusive language towards Heard for her sexuality and her past relationship with women, calling her a “lesbian camp counsellor”. He was also jealous of Amber’s female ex, Tasya van Ree, calling her “Van Pee”, he also “tried to set fire to another of Ms van Ree’s paintings”.
In fact, Depp’s homophobia and jealousy didn’t stop there, he then attacked Heard’s friend, iO Tillet Wright, by misgendering him and mocking his transition, calling him a “dike bitch” and “wanting to be a man now”.
Depp also makes unfavourable comments about Heard’s relationship with Elon Musk: “But she sucked Mollusk’s [I assume a reference to Elon Musk] crooked dick”. (page 126)
He also accused her of having an affair with Billy Bob Thornton, writing about it in graffiti. (page 76)
THE CURRENT TRIAL:
The trial is a not a criminal trial, but a defamation trial. Depp is suggesting Heard ruined his reputation in her article about domestic violence, despite not naming him in it. In fact, Depp was requested to leave the project after he lost his libel case.
Depp is suing Heard for $50 million, over 7x the amount they originally settled together. Heard originally attempted to get the suit moved to California and dismissed, and only filed a counterclaim when it was refused.
Virginia has less strict anti-SLAPP laws and as a result has drawn questionable legal cases in recent years. SLAPP lawsuits are also known as intimidation lawsuits and often used to censor, intimidate and silence critics by burdening victims with the cost of legal defence until they abandon their criticism.
Depp fans are heavily affecting the way social media is reacting to the trial, by indulging in edits on social media, fabrications of events, pseudoscience.
Heard has had to hire more security. Some Depp fans have attempted to chase vehicles with Heard and her team inside as they return home from the courthouse.
One of Depp’s witnesses (Gina Deuters) was dismissed from the stand after admitting to watching the trial online.
Depp fans were barred from the court for violent threats against Heard. Most attendees are Depp-fans and have had to have been told, “Order in the court or I will have you removed”.
CONCLUSION:
The suit is not to determine whether Heard was violent, or whether their relationship was mutually toxic, but as to whether Heard lied in her op-ed, and there is plenty of evidence of Depp physically harming Heard multiple times; regardless of Heard’s retaliation, he has been proven to be a domestic abuser.
[DISCLAIMER: This post is purely in relevance to the Heard vs. Depp case, to fact-check claims made by Depp, his team, as well as opinions on social media. They are not meant to be a remission on Heard’s part of any potential wrongdoing.]
// TERFS DON’T INTERACT //
#anti johnny depp#johnny depp vs. amber heard#johnny depp v. amber heard#johnny depp#amber heard#domestic violence#domestic abuse#tw abuse#okay to reblog //
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But if a mega rich dude in an expensive suit slapping another mega rich dude in an expensive suit on tv truly upsets you and freaked you out for life, what privileged life have you led? And where do I get it?
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Disclaimer that i am going to touch on the intercommunity treatment of bisexuals, but i want to clarify right now that this does not mean that other wlw or lesbians are somehow the biggest perpetrators of biphobia (quite the contrary, lesbians and other wlw are usually the ones we can turn to and count on the most for solidarity and support). I'm clarifying this mainly because I really do not want anyone to use this post as fodder for baseless casual lesbophobia, or to see a part where I specifically refer to "wlw spaces" and think that this means they are automatically exempt from reflecting on their own biphobia. Okay thanks
the way some people talk about bisexuals, but specifically bisexual women, makes it very clear that a lot of you think that being attracted to men in any capacity makes us less deserving of empathy or support. i think it comes back to the idea that being attracted to men at all makes you dirty somehow, and that as bisexuals we should supposedly be able to "choose" not to associate with men (like those weird as fuck feb/fems, who run exclusively w t3rfs and other transphobes??). it's a weird mindset to have and also gives way very quickly to victim blaming, as though the way that abusive men treat us, as their partners, is actually our fault for "associating" with men to begin with.
it's incredibly alienating and isolating, but on a larger scale the "hypersexual, disloyal bisexual" stereotype is often used to justify the abuse and violence bisexuals (and again, disproportionately bisexual women) face at the hands of their loved ones. like, literally just fucking look at how people treat amber heard, a (rich, white, conventionally attractive) bisexual woman. the abuse she's suffered at the hands of that fucking creep j0hnny depp is constantly justified by bringing up her sexuality and stereotypes associated with bisexuality (her supposed promiscuity, her perceived untrustworthiness, her greed etc)
it's in the same vein as when het women face domestic abuse at the hands of their partners and instead of showing concern, you all (as in EVERYONE, not solely wlw) meme their pain like "omg haha are the straights okay 😝" as if we asked to be treated like shit by being attracted to men lol? like, bi or not, don't you find it really heartbreaking that people face abuse at the hands of people that claim to love them?? and the abuse is often specific to biphobia, usually tied to the "cheating and greedy" bisexual stereotype, and not solely the homophobia that is perpetrated against perceived same-gender relationships. which is why it is important to allow bi women to speak openly on their relationships, regardless of who they are with, because often LGBT (and specifically wlw) spaces are some of the only spaces where we can speak about our experiences, and seek advice or help. that's not even touching on the social stigma already associated with being a survivor of domestic abuse.
like, i am also not a fan of the very general and generic "male positivity" posts (mostly because they don't really get at the root of the biphobia, which is almost always directed at the women in relationships with men and not at the men themselves - again in a very victim blaming way) but i also think at a certain point we need to address how these attitudes are fundamental in normalizing the violence & abuse aimed at bisexual people.
* also reading through this again i feel like parts of what i wrote might be construed as me saying that being attracted to men is like a burden or always "inherently" going to be abusive or something, which it definitely is not lol. i am (again) just speaking on specific circumstances, which i hope is clear ❤
okay sorry if this is kind of all over the place but i just had a lot to say. i hope this makes sense but feel free to ask for clarification wherever needed too
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Ruth Glenn, president and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), disputes the existence of "mutual abuse." In every incident between two people, she said, there's a "primary aggressor."
"I don't believe in mutual abuse. I don't believe that two parties decide to meet in the kitchen and box it out," Glenn said. "It just doesn't sound right, reactive abuse. I'm going to abuse you as a reaction? No, I'm going to defend myself as a reaction."
Glenn added that self-defense against a primary aggressor can "look like abuse," but it's a not the same as an abuser exerting control over a victim.
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dream’s twitlonger about the manatreed situation, for those who cannot access it
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could you please do a webweave around toxic fathers
Mary Ruefle, Woodtangle
Ocean Vuong, Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong
Agustín Gómez-Arcos, The Carnivorous Lamb
@heavensghost (x)
elandrialore, Dreams of Dying
Bruce Springsteen, Adam Raised A Cain
Catherine Lacey, Cut / @heavensghost
Desireé Dallagiacomo, Origin Story
Jamaica Kincaid, The Autobiography of My Mother
Clementine von Radics, Every Time A Man Yells
Lanning, Lord of the Flies
Richard Siken, War of the Foxes (ii)
Joan Tierney, Free-Range Angel Produce: An Idyll
Augusten Burroughs, A Wolf at the Table
#webs#web weaving#theme: fathers#theme: dysfunction#theme: fear#theme: hatred#requests#mine#it only seems fair after the mother web#tw abuse#tw domestic violence mention#mary ruefle#ocean vuong#Agustín Gómez-Arcos#@heavensghost#fic#elandrialore#bruce springsteen#catherine lacey#Desireé Dallagiacomo#jamaica kincaid#clementine von radics#lanning#richard siken#augusten burroughs#faves
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I let you move into my trailer, you drink my beer, eat my food.
I let you mooch off me. I do everything for you.
#maid#maid netflix#maidedit#maidnetflixedit#margaret qualley#margaretqualleyedit#nick robinson#nickrobinsonedit#myedits#fuck you sean#domestic abuse tw
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i know it isnt angst hour anymore but can i have the flinching during a fight scenario with xyx. i need a catharsis
xyx fans can have 1 (one) angst answer this week
thank u for coming 2 angst hour
there will be one more before my hiatus
<3
---------
You raise your voice. Xyx raises his in turn. You're thankful your house is detached from your neighbors because, at this point, you're sure you would have received a noise complaint by now.
It doesn't even matter, as most of these arguments don't. This is clearly something that should have been calmly discussed ages ago, but both of you were too afraid to confront it head-on. Maybe it was about your mis-matched work schedules. Maybe you keep bending the spines of his books when you read them.
Either way, here you are, at arms because you two couldn't bring yourselves to discuss this until it was explosive.
"It's not like I'm trying to upset you!"
Xyx rolls his eyes. "That doesn't matter! That's not what I'm saying!"
You're shaking, but you don't know why. You try to hide it by folding your arms over your chest.
He sees you cross your arms and his eyes narrow as he misinterprets your body language. "Oh. So you're done talking, then?"
Exasperated, he throws his arms up with a sigh to cradle his head with his hands, but he pauses halfway through -- he pauses, because you leap back with a cower.
You aren't looking at him. Your hands are gripping your shoulders, your eyes locked to the floor. You aren't afraid of him doing anything -- the two of you are both now just processing what exactly happened.
He slowly lowers his arms and takes a step forward, eyes locked on your every movement. "Love. I'm not going to touch you."
Out of shame, anger, or maybe both, a sob breaks from your chest and he falls by your side on the floor as you collapse in on yourself. He wasn't supposed to ever see that. He wasn't.
He gently touches your back and when you lean into him he engulfs you in his arms. Neither of you remember what you were arguing about. It doesn't matter anymore.
Clearly... you still have a lot to learn about each other.
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I really like the way that The Owl House is handling Hunter’s trauma.
In Hunting Palismen, the way that he was able to just talk to Luz so freely was a nice touch that it’s heartbreaking to see the way he just stops himself from talking about Wild Magic. Wild Magic is clearly a topic he’s passionate about and wants to talk more about and probably would love to talk to Luz about it.
This is without mentioning when he gets back to Emperor’s Coven.
In Eclipse Lake when he glances at Luz’s messages to Amity, he just assumes the worst despite meeting Luz and should know that she would never threaten anyone in a million years. But his thought process is so clear. If Belos loves Hunter and treats him this way, then that must mean that Luz would treat Amity the same way if actually loves her.
Later, when he realizes that there’s no blood, he says “I’m digging my grave.” This isn’t a normal thing to just say. He’s clearly scared of what Belos is going to him that he prefers death. Then when’s fighting Amity, he’s clearly not in his right mind. Especially when he shouts “you really wanna help? Then give me that key!”
Every time I rewatch this fight I just want to give him a hug.
Next time when Hunter shows up is in Any Sport in a Storm and even though a lot of the scenes are played more for humor by poking fun at how disconnected he is from everyone else, it’s still an insight into his personal life.
He’s so brainwashed into thinking that the Emperor’s Coven is the best choice and just simply doesn’t understand that working all year, and waking up before the sun rises are all positive things. It’s really no wonder that he has eye bags.
His brainwashing is also clear in Hollow Mind. When he and Luz look through Belos’s memories. There are so many clear signs that what Belos is doing is wrong and evil but he still gives Belos the benefit of the doubt (even saying that Belos doesn’t have guilt).
Then Belos reveals himself and flicks his hair made me teared up.
(Even while typing this out and seeing this gif play repeat hurt to watch)
Growing up, my mom found a bunch of events for me to take that have talked about domestic abuse and how to identify it. And she mostly able to find those because of her job and if not for those events, I’m almost positive I would’ve missed a lot of these signs. So I’m really happy that there’s more characters, like Hunter, that are experiencing domestic abuse in this way. Especially since TOH’s demographic is for young kids and hopefully some kids that may be in the same situation as Hunter (or even the Blight kids for that matter) can see the position they’re in and realized that they are being abused.
But something else that makes it easier to see the abuse is by seeing the difference of how Eda treats Luz.
Eda hates the Azura books but she allows Luz to talk about them and read them because she knows that it makes Luz happy.
She has so many potions around the house that constantly drinks even though she hates the taste. She also still takes responsibility for herself whenever she does cause damage as the owl beast.
Whenever Luz makes a mistake/does something dumb, Eda uses that as a time to give Luz advice (my favorite one being “ Look, [Luz], everyone wants to believe they're ‘chosen’. But if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting. And that's why you need to choose yourself.”)
When Luz wanted to go to school (even though Eda hated the idea) she did her best to get her in after undoing all the damage she did as a teenager.
After hearing how sad Luz was that she didn’t get a Palisman, she and King were out all night and stole palistrom wood just for Luz.
Eda constantly goes above and beyond her adoptive daughter.
If Eda was in Belos’s shoes, she would’ve never sent Hunter to fight the Selkidomus and if she did, she at least go with him. He would probably talk nonstop about Wild Magic (even if she got tired of hearing it). If the Owl Beast ever acted up, she would do her best to keep it tame and even if couldn’t, she would still apologize for any harm that came to Hunter. If Hunter went on his own to get Titan blood, she would lecture him about not doing dangerous stunts like that but would still be proud of him for what he did.
#toh#the owl house#hunter#toh hunter#belos#emperor belos#philip wittebane#eda clawthorne#edalyn clawthorne#luz noceda#tw mentions of domestic abuse#tw mentions of child abuse
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Motives for Whumper to Whump
(Tw: torture, pet whump, lab whump, topics of domestic violence, mentions of abandonment, black markets, discrimination)
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Team whump:
Interrogating for information (classic, my fav)
Revenge on whumpee/caretaker/leader. (For love rejection/For hurting Whumper's close one)
Heroes torturing the Villain to save innocent people (forcing the Villain to turn off the bomb/stop the spraying of poisonous gas)
Training the heroes to the end of their endurance. They want to resign, but their superior/their sense of duty doesn't allow it.
Villain torturing one of the heroes and streaming the video to discourage others from trying to thwart his plans.
Lab whump:
Personal fascination in human/nonhuman anathomy (Hobby!)
Money! Acquiring and selling magic, energy, body parts. Testing the products, medicine. Squeezing the money out of Whumpee like from a sponge.
General public's safety! Research expanding the knowledge of the new species. Checking all kinds of resistance to biological agents.
(Did you hear that medicine students used to dig the graves at night and steal the remains to learn on them and that's why some graves have metal cages on it?) Well Whumper prefers to learn on the living sample.
Pet whump:
The action takes place in a society that discriminates one group and priviliges another. Having a pet is normal and indicates wealth/high status.
Whumper personally does not see nonhuman whumpee as a thinking and feeling person
Whumper has some issues with his view on himself and tries to resolve it by dominating the prey (loneliness, fear of being violated, abandoned, difficulty showing vulnerability, anger issues)
Simply enjoying the pain. Just pure whump, no other motive
Revenge again! Humiliating his enemies by dehumanisation.
Whumper starting from a normal relationship with someone. Then slowly becoming more and more possesive and controlling to the point he starts to restrain and punish his "partner".
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#whump#whumpee#whump prompt#whump torture#torture#pet whump#team whump#lab whump#tw abuse#tw domestic violence#tw discrimination#tw torture#tw dv
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Recently in the punk scene in my city me and my friend have been trying to help our other friend who's being abused by her boyfriend, who's very popular in the scene. Last night she straight up told us "Please don't try calling him out. You'll just be called terfs or something and everyone will hate you." Is that what constitutes a terf now? Calling an abusive man who hit his girlfriend and made her sleep outside repeatedly? People aren't kidding when they said TERF has come to mean "woman I don't like."
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Astra convincing Spooner to help Maude
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right wing men will abuse their wives and call it their right as a husband. left wing men will abuse their wives and call it their kink.
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tw. domestic violence
People are houses and homes with doormats and nameplates. People are houses and homes with a quiet teapot on the stove, a bed with fading sheets and hearts that beat in the rhythm of the giant clock in the living room. People are houses and homes.
But my heart is like a shipwreck, I am a broken home. "Dysfunctional families, right?", he laughs. Dysfunctional families don't bleed the color red.
"I'll be your home", no you don't know that the only home I know reeks of gasoline, sounds like shouts at the dinner table and looks almost like a junkyard, where I shoved my memories of hands, hands on my body, red, hot. No, it isn't what you think, but it's exactly what you think.
He asks me about my favorite colour even though he knows it's the quiet streaks of dawn after a moonless night. But I scream "red". Red like his lips, like the blood on his hands, red like the broken mirror of my room. No, mirrors are not red, they reflect, reflect the blood on my face, the blood on his hands. Concealer cannot hide wounds of the heart.
In the evening, he says he's home and the bottle in his hand falls, shatters into a million pieces, glass shards everywhere. And I walk over them to greet him. He yells at me for the mess I made, pointing at my blood. "I'm sorry", I say and smile, "Welcome home."
-Ritika Jyala, Welcome Home
(I wish this didn't happen, but for so many people this is the reality. Please be kind and take care of the people around you. I wrote this piece for a domestic violence and stockholm syndrome conference and writing it broke my heart. Talking and discussing these topics is always difficult but it is a conversation we need to have to save so many others who might be suffering right now.)
#ritika jyala#the product of abuse#tw#tw domestic violence#stockholm syndrome#aesthetic#art#poetry#hozier#dark acadamia aesthetic#lofi#literature#history#quotes#poets on tumblr#female artists#artists on tumblr#dark academia#dead poets society#jane austen#franz kafka#film#red#home#yearning#grief#enddomesticviolence#writeblr#studyblr#pain
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Hii, have a nice day! 💚
Can I request yandere Almond with reader who is also single parent? They have an abusive spouse and perhaps Almond met them at the police office when they were reporting about domestic abuse?
Justice (Soft Yandere Almond Cookie x GN Cookie!Reader Hcs)
CW: yandere themes (?), mixed angst and fluff, implied ab*se, reader probably has PTSD, implied murder.
A/N: wish me luck on my exams!
‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵
While in his coffee break, the walkie talkie that was kept within his trenchcoat interfered and then he asked what's the report.
Apparently, it is stated that there was a report of domestic abuse and he needs to come back to the police station for interrogation.
When he arrived, his eyes went wide at your appearance; bruised eye, strawberry jam seeping through your lip & from an newly opened wound and a small crack is seen on your face.
Almond then notices a small girl sitting on the outside of the office together with Walnut, consoling the shaken cookie.
"Good evening, I'm Detective Almond Cookie, can you please state you name?"
You meekly told the stranger your name, your voice still raw from the screaming match you had earlier.
"....it's (y/n) Cookie..."
"And can you describe the suspect who did this to you and to your kid?"
And thus caused you to sob uncontrollably, thinking about your horrible and abusive spouse that made your life a living nightmare.
For the first time after you suffered in silence, you told everything to the detective and the police. On how the abuse started, how you were threatened by your spouse to shut up when you talk about your situation and how they kept you in the house and didn't let you leave.
And eventually, you finally escaped them together with your daughter and the spare key that you hid in your pockets.
One police officer claimed that they saw a strange cookie outside if the building, claiming that you were just crazy and wants you to go home with them. This caused you to shake uncomfortably and shook your head sideways, a silent plead for them not to bring them in and sending you away.
Obviously, Almond Cookie will not send you back to that horrible place. As soon as the police officers knew that the suspect was right in front of them, they chased them but unfortunately, they escaped.... almost....
Thanks to Almond's handcuffs, your abuser was arrested and charged with domestic abuse and child endangerment.
After the incident, the detective kept in touch of you through letters.
Despite taking care of your daughter and writing letters to Almond, you were still shaken and scared when going out, thinking that your ex-spouse might be lurking around and taking you and your daughter back.
Walnut would always come by and having play dates with your child and in rare occasions, taking the both of them to the park.
^^ Almond would insist that the girls should hang out more since your daughter became Walnut's newest friend.
As time passes by and more therapy sessions, your emotional scars healed little by little and eventually, you became a bit better but you'll be scared and curled up into a ball of someone shouts at you or raised a hand above your head.
When Almond picked up his daughter from the play date, he was enamored and in awe by your appearance.
No scars, no bruises and no cracks. Just a normal cookie with a small smile.
You look so beautiful/handsome in his perspective.
There's no doubt that this cookie gained feelings for you, as more letters and words were exchanged and eventually, you also gained feelings for him but your past and horrible memories got the best of you.
He would either glare at other people if they tried talking or telling them to back off if he senses that you're uncomfortable at their presence.
When this cookie finally confesses to you, you didn't accept it but told him that you're gonna think about it.
"Take your time, (y/n). I'll still be here."
^^ that response just warms your heart up.
While waiting for your answer, he would buys you flowers and other trinket that reminded him of you.
He would just shows you that he's a better partner than anyone else.
While at home, you asked your daughter if it's okay for you to date Almond, the cookie that saved the both of you.
"As long, you're happy then it's okay for me, mommy/daddy!"
^^^ 🥺😭
From your daughter, that's when he finds out that you took knitting as a small hobby of yours.
Hence, he would buy some yarn and knitting needles as a gift for you.
There were times that the four of you would spend time together, wether it would be going out, having a picnic or having fun in Tropical Soda Islands.
He sees you and your child as new members of his family 🥺
After a few months, you finally gave him an answer to his confession. You handed him a scarf with the small embroidered 'yes!' on the side.
He was so overjoyed that he hugs you and spins you around in happiness.
"You just made me the happiest cookie! Soo can I call you dear now?" "Of course!"
The two girls are jumping in happiness from the commotion they saw. Now they can't wait for the both of you to be married and live happily as a loving family.
....as long as your ex remains dead on their cell...
‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵
Do not republish, edit, or repost to other websites.
Reblogs and likes are appreciated! 💕
#tw yandere#tw abuse#tw domestic abuse#yandere cookie run x reader#yandere cookie run kingdom#yandere cookie run#almond cookie#almond cookie x reader#crk almond cookie#almond cookie imagine#crk x reader#cookie run kindgom#cookie run#yandere x reader#soft yandere
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