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fangirleaconmigo · 3 months

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Geralt x Jaskier Geraskier First kiss, friends to lovers

Geraskier Dancing

When Geralt of Rivia was a child, he begged Vesemir to teach him the kind of dances they performed at court. The answer was always no, but he kept trying.

After the trials, when Vesemir seemed so affected by his eyes, Geralt would widen them and look up at his tutor, pleading.

After all, Geralt thought, what if he rescued a fair maiden, and she demanded that he accompany her to a party? Perhaps she would drag him, giggling and flushed, onto the dance floor. He would be her noble savior, and she would be his grateful maiden.

He didn’t tell Vesemir his reasoning of course. He said that it might be important for royal courts, with kings in them. Wouldn’t it be best if he could fit in? Fencing was similar to dance, so surely Vesemir could handle teaching it.

Vesemir sighed and gave him the same speech he always gave.

"Geralt. You are not training to be a knight. Put that out of your mind. You are a professional. A working man.

Further, you are a mutant now. You will not be greeted with gratitude. You will be lucky to be greeted with the cash that you are promised."

Geralt felt stubborn. Furious. But he knew when to drop the subject.

Vesemir would pat his shoulder and offer him a sweet bread. His eyes always held regret.

Geralt understood him now. After years of hard lessons, he understood. When he thought back on his youth, he felt like a dolt.

The women he saved were traumatized. He was meeting them during the most terrified, violent moments of their lives. They screamed, bled, and threw up. And they all ran. With his bloody sword and ashen skin, he looked little different from the monsters he fought.

At least to them.

And yet?

He still learned how to dance, despite having given up the dream.

It started with Jaskier of course, like most misadventures and novel undertakings. The young bard had just shown up in his life one day and sort of just...never left.

His enthusiasm, energy, and optimism infected Geralt's life, as did the handsome twinkle in his eyes.

One night, after several glasses of wine they shared their most ridiculous childhood dreams. Jaskier admitted that he wanted to publicly rub his success in his family's face, to make their rejection sting less. So Geralt admitted that he'd always stupidly wanted to woo a grateful damsel on a dance floor.

He thought they were just talking nonsense, so he was startled when suddenly, Jaskier was on his feet, woozy and holding out a hand.

"C'mon. Lesgo." Jaskier jerked his curly, disheveled head towards an empty spot on the tavern large enough maybe for one large man.

Geralt refused at first. It was silly. Besides, They were both men. Who would lead?

But Jaskier simply grabbed his hand. When they touched, Geralt found that all of his resistance dissipated like a magic spell. He found himself standing and allowing himself to be dragged. And after they moved a few tables, he found himself touching the small of Jaskier's back and swaying with him.

Why didn't it feel odd? It should have felt odd.

It probably felt fine because they were alone.

They always danced alone.

They would be in a bar that was emptying out, the last drunkards stumbling home. Jaskier would be inviting, leaning against him, words slightly slurring.

Geralt selfishly loved him like that, not because Jaskier would lose his inhibitions, but because Geralt would. Plausible deniability.

"No one is here, Geralt. You won't ruin your fearsome rep--rep--pox on it. People won't see you." Jaskier waved dismissively as he dragged him.

The bard's lips grew pinker when he drank, and his cheeks flushed when they danced.

So Geralt let himself be led into the middle of empty bars, dance halls, and sometimes even just under the stars near a campfire.

"Y'need this for" *hiccup* "d'plomacy." Jaskier tugged him this way and that.

Despite the slurring, Jaskier always moved gracefully, like a swan. He'd sing to himself, lost in the music, touching Geralt with surety, guiding him. His body would be warm and little puffs of his wine soaked breath would drift towards Geralt. The witcher would inhale and try to control the surge of something primal in him awakening from a terribly long slumber.

Jaskier always led.

"I thought you were teaching me to dance with ladies," Geralt complained playfully one night. Jaskier was leading him in a lazy circle under some street lanterns on an abandoned street. Trash and litter was everywhere, left over from the spring festival. Their feet crunched on discarded candy wrappers as they moved.

"I am," Jaskier huffed indignantly, eyes hazy. "You must charm these noble ladies. It's not easy, you know. You must practice."

Geralt bit the side of his mouth trying not to smile. He didn't want to ruin the moment. He was so close to Jaskier, the closest he ever got to stand. "But I'm not learning to lead."

"Oh, s'fine. You'll just," Jaskier gestured, twirling his hand in a circle, "turn it all round." Then it was a rolling motion. "Flip it. Change it backwards. You know what I mean. They'll love it."

It was quiet for a moment, Geralt turned his head and crept closer, so he could secretly smile to himself.

"You already complain they simper around me," he murmured near his friend's ear. "You want to make it worse?"

Jaskier snorted loudly. "They're just trying to get to me, Geralt, you know that. Price of fame!!"

Then he spun Geralt, and all the while, Geralt grumbled, purposely moving stubbornly. "I don't twirl, Jaskier."

Jaskier was wobbly and dismissive. "Y'doing great."

Geralt really did learn during those nights. But they never spoke of it in the morning. Those nights were sacred and untouchable lest they shattered in the light of day.

But one day, they finally, truly paid off.

Geralt wanted to run and tell Vesemir. He'd been right. He had needed to learn the skill after all.

Because one spring day he rescued a beautiful young woman, and she was grateful. She was lovely, truly. Her auburn hair cascaded down her back, caressing her delicate waist.

She had been menaced by a werewolf and run screaming into Geralt's arms, invitation to a ball at the ready. It was just like in his youthful dreams.

The werewolf wasn't such a bad guy to be honest. His name was Gil. And he wasn't so much menacing her as he was trying to say hello and simultaneously coughing. But it was an unpleasant sound to be sure. It was a hacking cough.

Geralt had intervened, having been sent there on an errand by Jaskier. The witcher took Gil aside to speak to him. The werewolf was moving on, anyway. He'd just come to see a picnic of beautiful women that Jaskier had told him about, thinking he would say hello.

Geralt wanted to shake Jaskier. Gently of course. To tell his friend that yes, he had needed help with dancing, but certainly did not need help with finding ladies to rescue. They were lying about everywhere there were monsters. Jaskier wasn't around though, he was nervously flitting around at fittings and lute tunings, preparing anxiously for the dance.

It was silly of course.

And to be honest, the young woman hadn't needed much rescuing. Gil's nose was still sore where she had hit him with her bag.

But nonetheless, when she'd seen Geralt she'd sighed and pretended to be quite helpless.

Geralt carried her to safety on Roach, and she had invited him to a dance that night. They were in Lettenhove, and the dance would be packed with nobles. It was the perfect setup.

Geralt got ready with trembling fingers. He laced on his best armor and slicked down his hair. His stomach was weak just to think of it.

When Geralt arrived, the maiden was there in a stunning gown. She arrived breathlessly, ready for her dance. She batted her eyes and curtseyed.

Geralt bowed slightly, and led her onto the dance floor. After a few moments, her raptured attention began to cool. She was well educated and polite, but Geralt caught her regretful glances towards the handsome young nobles in the corner.

He didn't blame her. He was not a small man, and he was stepping on her toes.

The bloom was very quickly off the rose for the young maiden.

"I'm sorry. My mistake." Geralt muttered at every wrong turn.

If you had asked Geralt as a child, whether the disappointment of a maiden would sting, he would have imagined so.

But it didn't. This was not what he had come for. This was not why his stomach had done somersaults as he had laced on his armor. It was because this party was not just packed with nobles, but very particular nobles from a very specific family.

Geralt glanced up to find him.

Jaskier stood off to the side, close by, clutching a glass of wine, and staring daggers at his cousin across the room. His cousin was a handsome man, if you went in for that kind of thing, though not as handsome as Jaskier. But he was holding court with several ladies.

Geralt excused himself with the relieved young lady who tried to look as though she were not fleeing.

Geralt came up behind Jaskier, and touched his back.

Jaskier did not jump or startle. He must have known Geralt's touch and scent by now. He simply turned and smiled.

"You're here!" Jaskier looked behind him. "And Juliet?"

Geralt shrugged. "I never actually learned to lead."

Jaskier's face fell. "I'm sorry, I-" he looked mortified, "-I don't actually know how to teach dance. I only know how to dance. I was just-"

Geralt cut him off by pulling him into his arms with an 'oof'.

Jaskier startled, leaning eagerly into the embrace. But then he remembered himself and looked around cautiously.

"I don't care if they see," Geralt whispered. "I want them to. Let the miserable bastards gossip until their throats are sore."

The widest, brightest grin he had ever seen blossomed on his handsome bard's face. "Well then." Jaskier straightened his shoulders and cleared a catch in his throat. Let me do this properly."

The bard gently detangled himself from Geralt's arms. Then he bowed at the waist and held out a hand. "Geralt of Rivia? May I have this dance?"

Geralt nodded and straightened his jacket. "You may, Viscount Julian of Lettenhove."

Jaskier held his hand with both of his, but he shook his head and whispered. "No. Viscount Julian is theirs. I am Jaskier. I am yours."

Geralt's heart melted. He did not know how to cope with that, so he just nodded.

The music fell silent, and a new song began.

The witcher and the bard were the first couple out on the floor. It may have started as a way to help Jaskier rub his success in his family's eyes. But almost instantly they forgot all about that. They lost themselves in the movement, the laughter, they only saw each other.

But Jaskier's family saw. His mother. His father. His envious cousins. They all saw that he was loved. That he was talented, famous, and loved.

Geralt didn't think a whole lot about Vesemir that night.

He simply danced. And when the last note on the last song died out, he touched Jaskier's chin. His love's eyes lit up with hope. Geralt didn't want to draw out the suspense, so he pulled him in for a kiss. It was tender and they were sweaty, their hearts beating in their chests.

It felt right. And not because they were alone. It was because they loved each other.

When Geralt visited Vesemir during the winter, he brought up his childhood dream. He would tell the old witcher that he understood now.

Love wasn't something you earned through daring acts. It wasn't something you extracted from terrified women as the price for their safety.

Love was a bard who tried his damndest to fulfill your dreams at the expense of his own.

Love was taking him in your arms and fulfilling his.

Well, Geralt tried to say all that. Perhaps it didn't come out the way he meant. Perhaps he stumbled over his words and grunted some.

But when he pulled Jaskier into the room to introduce him to Vesemir, the old witcher understood.

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #descarada writes geraskier #i hope you enjoy it my geraskier friends

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bokettochild · 9 months

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I just saw a post asking which Link would make the best villain and....

It's Time guys

Like, I love the man, but let's be real; he's a second from snapping and committing atrocities.

Twilight is so thoroughly traumatized by the vision the spirits gave him and Fi's judgement of him that he literally can't stand messing with magic that isn't actually his own or connected to him. And while, sure, he doesn't need magic to be a villain, let's be real, it'd take something magical to force him to turn his back on everything he's ever fought for.

Similarly, Wild fought and died for his kingdom, and his people. There is nothing and no one worse than what he's already seen that could possibly make him turn his back on it all and throw his work down the drain just to destroy everything he'd built himself.

Legend is the same. he's been doing this far too long to ditch now. Granted, he's a grump, but if you look at his games, you see he's a highly empathetic and caring person. Unlike the others, who were tasked with saving the world by a mentor or friend, or had to go and save a friend or family member, or who where sworn to duty; Legend was literally some kid who was asked by an utter stranger to help, and did. Six times. No way someone like that is going to go and destroy everything.

And Wind! Wind is a moral guy, with a good heart. he set out for personal reasons and saw in his journey that there were bigger fish to fry, and he fried them. He had no reason to take it on, no call of the goddess, no responsibility, no reason for him, a child, to go and save the world as well as his sister, but he did it anyway.

Sky and Warriors are simply too devout. Warriors to the kingdom and it's people; with everything he suffered for them, you can't tell me the man isn't dedicated to serving his country. And Sky is loyal to Sun, who is Hylia, so he literally would never go against her. And by the law of the Zelda universe, villains are those who go against Hylia and Hyrule.

Four is an iffy one. Most people might say "but Vio was a villain!" but let's be real; if you read the manga, you know Vio was bluffing all along. If Vio, part of Four, didn't bow even under Shadow's influence, and Vaati's, and Ganon's, then again; who and what would drive this man to become a villain? Granted, the persuing of dark magic to bring back his lost friend could be argued, but is more likely to lead to his corruption than his attempting to take over Hyrule and kill innocents.

Hyrule is tough, since we have very little to work off of in cannon, but come on, even if Hyrule did turn to evil, he wouldn't exactly be able to do much. Hyrule's already in ruins in his time, and the monsters wouldn't hear of working beside him. He'd have everyone against him, and even if he does hold the triforce in it's entirety and thus could do all sorts of horrible things, he has neither motivation nor reason to turn away to becoming a villain.

Time though......

Time has watched the world burn and all his efforts be turned around and lost. He has lost everything so many times, usually with no reward or reason. In the end, Time, though a good man, cares more for the individual than the country. He cares about his wife and his boys, and based off the scars, we can only guess what lengths he's already gone to in order to accomplish his goals.

Time, if faced with the right issue, has every risk of dropping from defender to threat. Hyrule be damned, this man cares for his wife, his kids, his home, and if you threaten that, no matter who you are, he will go after you. He's one second away from going after Hylia and all she has done to him and those around him. He detests the Blade of Evil's bane, the symbol of Hylia's blessing. He borders every moment on the precipice of taking power beyond mortals to fulfill his own wishes, even if it is to help those he loves.

Put Malon in danger, heck, one of the boys, and Time won't let something silly like morals stop him from doing whatever it takes to protect what little that is still his and hasn't already been taken from him. He will fight tooth and nail not to lose anything else, and he won't let even the goddesses stop him.l

#lu time #linked universe #linkeduniverse #ketto's brainfarts

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missbluesunflowersstuff · 6 months

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More Damian Wayne headcanon

Because I can and this time is more about future(?) and batkids siblings and I'll also talk about some canon points, then please respect

Damian is not a Bruce clone, then he won't become a bodybuilder like his father when he grow up, but he will be more like Ra's and Talia side, something tall and elegant (and long hair like his grandfather)

Damian sees heritage as something very important, this is more on the cultural side than really a title, he is of Arab and Chinese descent so it is obvious that the issue of him being Batman's son and the devil's grandson is something important, no as a title but with cultural value and perhaps a curse

Look being Batman or Demon Head (I hate when DC is lazy and do this) is is for him a birthright, a duty as a member of that family and also a curse

I know Americans don't really understand the weight of this, but it's something of extreme cultural importance

So you can imagine what a funny thing it was when Dick stole the chair and now we have a Nightwing!Damian or whatever title the boy has brought for himself

if DC keep written Batman like that, I think Bruce and Damian's relationship will end up becoming "I still respect you, but I want distance" something worn similar to Dick and Bruce's relationship

Speaking of family relationships, Damian gives a lot of value and respect to family, just look at his relationship with his mother and grandfather, even his relationship with his cousin. They will fight to the death one day and the next they will be sitting around eating vegetarian food together

At this point I believe that stabbing a family member to see if they is worthy of staying in the family is an Al Ghul thing, Ra's started it as a big joke and they all continue it out of tradition and because it is also funny, one bonding family activity (Talia just never explained this inside joke to Bruce because she wants to annoy him)

Damian is an altruist and a lowkey suicidal (these two combinations together is what led to his death - he sacrificed himself for Gotham; and you can see it when he choice give his clone a sanctuary and also create a sanctuary for those kids in that tournament) and his family lives in fear of those events repet again

When adult he just don't give a fuck about Justice League, even when he is recognized as a great hero, Damian has no patience for any of them but he can helps if Jon, Kor'i or Connor Hawke ask for help if it's another hero, he'll say no

in the future Damian become the Jason Todd of the Al Ghul family

child and teen Damian talk about the cool older sister he has occasionally, much to the brothers' dismay, Bruce confirms the girl's existence, saying that Damian adopted her as a sister. The batkids meet Maya eventually

Occasionally Damian can also talk about his cool older brother from League but he refuses to elaborate this one

One night, when the batkids were gathered to eat a batburger, Duke asked as a joke how long it would take for Damian to adopt a child and this makes everyone relive unresolved childhood traumas. Duke just sits back and eats fries while enjoying the chaos, as now everyone is making calculations about the odds of this happening or not

when everyone finally calms down, Duke (again by pure menace) asks what kind of child Damian is most capable of adopting, and all the screaming and calculations starts again (Bruce lowkey traumatized everyone)

Tim says he (the kid) will be an assassin, so he (Damian) can save the child like Dick saved him. Dick says he (the kid) will be a little stalker who is charming the big hero. Jason calls them cowards because how sure are they that the child will be a boy and not a girl? And at some point they start debating whether the dead Robin's curse will follow these children

Duke Thomas has a good time that night

and now every member of the family has an emergency kit for the hypothetical child that Damian will adopt

Damian can use magic, but he never brings it up. The brothers suspect that he can - due to their blood heritage with Ra's - so they each (separately) have a contingency plan in case someone reacts badly to the fact that Damian knows how to use magic

Let's me explain: once they are all grown up, they don't want to go back to Damian's early days where a brother distrusts Damian in the house, individually they all understand that Damian is his own person and there is no reason to fight anymore, but they don't trust in the reaction between them (Bruce lowkey made everyone paranoid), so this contingency plan is in case "hey Damian can use magic, but now one of my brothers/Batman is mad at him again in the most nosense way, so I'm going to protect my little brother and not let This stupid member of my family hurts my little brother"

Dick reaction: "Oh this is actually more beautiful than I thought….but have you already talked about this with Bruce? He and Tim might react badly because of Ra's, so if you've already told them, we can leave the country until things calm down. Actually I have a spy friend who can help you, you like pandas, right?"

Jason reaction: "oh shit, oh shit, We have a problem now...I already told them that I'm injured and they will know that you healed me, so I want you to take my plane and go to Kor'i, I can talk to her on the phone, she owes me a favor then she will let you stay on her planet due to Bruce and the replacement's reaction because ...you know Ra's' paranoia"

Tim reaction: "I knew it! but I think now we have a problem, your father still have resentment about your grandfather then...take my keys and go to my house, I'll text Bernard about this don't worry, do you want me to pick up your pets?"

and things go this way (they most fear for Bruce bad reaction than anything else)

when kid Damian had the habit of sleeping with the sound of the Batmobile's engine, all the family members have carried him to bed more than once because of this

One night, when Damian is around 17~19 years old, Steph asks him to paint on her wall in her new apartment, in the end she gives him a ride back home and, to her surprise, Damian fell asleep on the passenger seat in the same way he always did as a child

This news made all the brothers always offer him a ride at night, Dick even bought an blanket exclusively for this (one time the baby brother is always the baby brother)

Some batkid headcanon: Damian || Duke || Cassandra || Stephanie || Tim || Jason || Dick

#damian wayne #dc comics #batfamily #batfam #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #duke thomas #batfam headcanons #batfamily headcanons

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inbarfink · 7 months

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Simon loved Betty dearly, but he was always kinda passively ignorantly selfish in their relationship. Allowing Betty to be needlessly self-sacrificial while not really giving her anything like that in return because… he was just not really noticing the pattern or how unhealthy obsessed Betty was with him.

Simon’s tunnel vision and incredible level of ignorance about Betty’s obsession and infatuation is so clear when you compare Simon’s original narrative of Betty leaving him with what actually happened.

Simon was so sure Betty left him because he just said or did something so horrible that no reasonable person could still love him like that. She probably just left him and spent the rest of her pre-War days peacefully alone or with someone else. But Betty instinctively knew she would never do that, the only person she would leave Simon for, is Simon

But ever since the double-whammy of being Cursed and Betty ‘leaving’ him made his self-image tank - Simon taught himself to love others in the same unhealthy self-sacrificial and codependent way that Betty loved him.

First there was Marcy. Simon himself nearly directly say, in his very first scene in ‘Fionna and Cake’, that he would be a wreck without Marceline being around - as something to give him a purpose.

And that purpose was pretty heavily tied in with a sense of self-sacrifice.

It… was a difficult situation, to survive and take care of a little child in the middle of a Magical Nuclear War with a cursed artifact that would have consumed his mind sooner or later. But all evidence suggests that Simon was maybe a bit too eager to use the Crown to protect Marcy.

Maybe partly a magically-induced compulsion to use the Crown more and more, but also I think… he found his purpose in the idea that he’s going to sacrifice himself for Marcy’s sake. Even as it pained Marcy to see him like - even as she, a little girl, was trying to stop him.

And eventually… it got to the point where the only way to actually keep her safe was to leave her.

A heartbreaking traumatic experience with a vital role within the rich tapestry of traumatic experiences that is Marceline’s life.

And… it’s hard to say what he should’ve done in the situation, there’s probably not a scenario where everything works out perfectly. We literally saw what happened if he hadn’t put the Crown at all and it was not a pretty sight.

Simon was doomed from the moment he found that Crown. But at the very least, keeping himself together through nuclear Armageddon by focusing all of his energy into saving Marcy is what burned that streak of self-sacrificial selflessness into his psyche.

We see it most within the Fionna and Cake storyline, of course, and how eager he became to doom himself again for the sake of someone else who needed him, but…Even with Betty herself, despite not even being around, with how obsessed he became with his ‘Princess’. By the end, winning back Betty’s love was the only motivation he could find to regaining his own mind.

And then when he finally regained his sanity briefly, for the price of a very, very limited time left to his life

he decided to dedicate it all to apologize to Betty. There’s clear, like, parallels done with the Bus Stop scene, I think

But Simon wasn’t trying to convince Betty to come with him, or stay with Past Simon or even find out more about what happened to her - it wasn't about what he wanted, for once. He was just trying to give her some peace of mind and closure. He was sacrificing all of his remaining time on earth for that.

But at this point, all that ended up doing was reinforce their original unequal relationship dynamic.

And actually lay the ground for the problems within it to grow worse.

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mari-lair · 5 months

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Gladly! Aoi was inspired by the high school of magic Aoi, who also has a secret identity + no popularity queen status. So she is shy when people pay her any attention, especially Akane, and less arrogant. She avoids conflict but is able to take action when the situation calls for it!

Overall she is more open about her emotions, not hiding behind a cutesy smile all the time.

Since Aoi's clockkeeper contract is forced, and she is alone, her situation is less of a fun double life like in the magic AU, and more of a curse.

Mirai made her cry the first week she was forced to babysit her and cleaning the clocks used to be awful, she hates having to be their maid after learning they are the ones who put her best friend's life at risk in the first place.

She trains herself to become a persistent girl, independent by force.

She hates supernaturals but has a soft spot for mokkes. She occasionally hides them in her sleeves and sneaks them to No.1's boundary, paying for their services with candy so she doesn't have to clean the clocks alone.

She befriends Teru when he sees her in her supernatural form, more cause she doesn't want to be alone than really because she thinks he is cool.

She goes out of her way to learn about supernaturals instead of pretending they don't exist. She is scared of being lied to again, specially on something so big as the clock keepers recruitment plan, so she doesn't trust their words. Her glasses are enchanted but she only uses them to not be bothered in her studies, she always takes them off if Akane looks troubled or she is on break. She makes sure to learn every rumor to keep Akane safe from the dangerous ones.

The incident where the keepers nearly killed Akane traumatized Aoi. She always walks on the side closest to the road when they are on the streets by instinct.

Aoi never has to protect Akane from all the admirers he gained by being a beauty king, cause his personality is the same, he can brutally kick people regardless of gender just fine, people know he isn't on the market, but she doesn't catch a break, constantly rescuing him from supernatural trouble and worrying about his safety. Since Akane can't see her in her supernatural form he has no idea she is inhumanly strong, only noticing she has been more stressed after her contract and being even more protective and careful with her.

Most people respect Akane, knowing from personal experience that he is a responsible class representative, kind, and brutally blunt. So even though he is able to make people swoon by just existing, confessions are not a daily occurrence, admired from afar.

In the occasional cases people objectify him, Aoi is more bothered than Akane about it, she wants to throw hands and give away her identity as 'more than a cute shy girl' the second someone is bold enough to hold his hand without his consent, twisting his behavior to fit their personal narrative, and acting entitled to have him.

Think of the rare people that bother Akane as similar to the creepy cashier who created a whole false narrative about Aoi in his head.

Her friendship with Teru makes Akane a little jealous. Why does she wear Teru's glasses? Why does it feel like they are hiding secrets from him? And she does tease him about it, going out of her way to try to make him jealous as revenge for all the time she had to deal with girls gushing about how hot he is. She is petty.

Aoi usually stops time to make her life easier, get away from crowds, save a flower pot from falling. Little things. If her clockkeeper duties drain her too much she'll even copy someone's homework, though she needs to be really really tired to do that, she is usually too prideful to copy someone else.

She does eventually stop Akane's time to stare at him, mostly out of curiosity, but she gets self-conscious about it and avoids him for the rest of the day, much to Akane's confusion. Getting superpowers may have increased her confidence and made her more proactive, but Aoi is still pathetic when it comes to showing and receiving affection.

#tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #aoikane #aoiaoi #aoikane role swap au #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #aoi akane #akane aoi #i'll talk more baout it after I make Akane's character sheet yay

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 6 months

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How do boys react to when they get home they find their S/O attacked and presumably dead based on blood lose. Their child (S/O’s and Skeltons) cradled in their arms protectively? How do they react and what are red flags the see before they enters house [main 10]

TW: Blood & Dead bodies.

Undertale Sans - He hears his child cry like they never cried before and immediately knows something is off. He runs to the living room and just freezes, completely in shock. He barely remembers his kid running to him for comfort, after that he has no idea what the hell happened. When he returns to himself, he's in the hospital, his child cuddling against him and Papyrus big spooning the both of them. He just suddenly breaks down, realizing the situation. He's not going to be ok for a very long time.

Undertale Papyrus - He's horrified, but keeps his mind clear and immediately goes to check their vitals, noticing their child asleep after crying so much. S/O is still breathing, he immediately calls an ambulance and tries to keep them alive with his magic. The hardest part is when the rescuers ask him to stop, because they are gone for a few minutes, and he refuses. They were breathing! They were breathing, they couldn't be dead! But they are. Papyrus breaks down, devastated. At least, he still has his child, who is traumatized. He tries to stay strong from them, but that's hard. He calls Undyne and Sans to explain the situation. Undyne promises she will find out who did that to his S/O and her nephew/niece.

Underswap Sans - He knows something is wrong the second he notices the door is opened. He silently walks home, a hand on his gun, and comes just in time to see the assaulter about to stab his terrified child. No hesitation. He shoots twice through their head and runs to drag their child out of there. He then sees S/O and takes a deep breath. He saw enough corpses to know they're gone. He takes his child out of the house and calls his colleagues to take care of the scene crime. He tries not to think all of this happened because he works for the police, but he's hard. He refuses to cry before they find the murderer. He's angry.

Underswap Papyrus - He hyperventilates as he sees more and more blood. He felt the soul bond break, he already knew. But he needs to see. When his eyes land on S/O, he gags, horrified, then falls on his knees, screaming. He struggles to breathe and eventually passes out and falls down right under his child's eyes, who is now an orphan. Honey can't take it. He can't live without his S/O. He didn't notice the child was alive. Blue did, hours later, and he broke down. He won't stop chasing whoever did that and he will kill them.

Underfell Sans - He stares, not believing what he's seeing. Mechanically, he checks for vitals and jumps when he feels his child move under his hand. Shit. He quickly picks them up and lays them on the couch to examine them. They got stabbed, but they're alive, weakly calling him. He turns towards his S/O, realizing they just saved them from a horrible fate. He silently promises them that he won't let anything hurt their child again and that they can rest in peace now. He's going to find the murderer and make them pay.

Underfell Papyrus - He almost forgot he could cry. His hands are shaking as he tries to control himself, begging for everything to be a nightmare. But it's not. He stays silent long second, before noticing a movement. He takes a deep breath, and pushes S/O on his back, noticing their toddler, badly bruised, but alive. The child immediately crawls to him, crying. Edge holds them close and refuses to let go. He feels like a failure. It was his job to protect them. He fucked up everything! He's not sure the kid is safe with him anymore, not when he's about to go kill a ton of people to avenge his S/O. He lets them on Sans' door, with a note, asking him to take care of the child for a few months, or more, if he doesn't make it alive.

Horrortale Sans - He smells the blood way before coming home and almost runs. He regrets it. All the blood immediately triggers him and he cowers in a corner, horrified. It doesn't take long for him to lose all sense of reality and tell himself he killed his S/O. He refuses to get close, horrified he could have done something to them. He changed, he swears he changed, and he will keep repeating this until his child crawls to him and cuddles against him. He's shocked and devastated, and he breaks down, hugging his child. He manages to call Willow and explain what he found, hesitantly saying he thinks he did that. Willow doesn't believe that one second, despite the police saying that if Oak said he did it, then he did it. He won't stop searching for a way to innocent his brother.

Horrortale Papyrus - He can't even look. The blood is making him sick and he's just shaking uncontrollably. He thinks he has lost the both of them until a tiny hand grabs his pants. Willow bursts into tears, in shock, but relieved his child is alright. He won't stop hugging them telling them that will be ok, even though he is very far from ok right now. He takes a deep breath, then calls the police. He doesn't expect anything from them, but he just needs to understand what happened.

Swapfell Sans - He stays dead silent, refusing to get close. Of course that would happen eventually. He has no right to be happy after all he did. As he walks closer, he notices something moving in S/O's arms. He can't believe his eyes when he sees his baby is alright, crying after him. He hurries to pick them up and checks them everywhere for any injuries. He can't believe his S/O managed to save them. That gives him back some strength. He's going to find whoever did that and he will destroy them. He promises his S/O that he will take care of their baby well.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's in denial and keeps shaking his S/O, begging them to wake up, more and more distressed. He can't believe it's over. He refuses to believe it's over! As time passes, he is just screaming and throwing things around, until something gets too heavy in one of the cupboards. He opens it and finds their child, curled up and trembling in terror. The kid immediately cries in relief seeing him and throws themselves in his arms. Rus is too in shock to fully realize what's going on. He keeps the child against him, and he won't let go of them. Never. He will find who did this and will send Nox take care of them. It's hurting so bad he feels like he can't survive this. But he will. He doesn't have a choice. He can't give up on his child.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't say a word or cry. He's not even that surprised it happened either. That was always a possibility with how many enemies he had. It was a nice dream while it lasted. Then he notices the child. He stares in disbelief, not sure what to do. He can't... He can't raise them all alone. He's a terrible father, he just got their other parent killed. Maybe... Maybe it's best if he gives the child to his brother, or Undyne and Alphys. He doesn't want to get involved more in their life. He doesn't want his child's blood on his hands. He apologizes to his S/O silently. He can't do that.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He's hyperventilating in a corner, unable to look at the scene. There is blood everywhere, the nightmare is repeating once again. He can't do this. He can't do this. He can't do this. He calls Wine, but can't even speak. He just cries. Wine is here a few minutes later. He checks on his brother's S/O, confirming they're gone, then the child. He jumps when the baby grabs his hands. He's quick to bring them to Coffee who can't believe his eyes, hugging and crying in relief. Wine stays long hours to comfort him, and promises that the murderer won't see dawn. He's taking care of it personally.

#undertale #underswap #underfell #horrortale #swapfell #fellswap gold #sans #papyrus #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #tw blood #tw death #tw dead body #tw dead mention

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kerubimcrepin · 23 days

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Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 21]

I've already said how weird this whole situation is from Joris's pov, but imagine dying, being given a new body with a way smaller brain and no speech yet, as well as no object permanence, and having to comprehend while in this condition, that your brother, who spent the last 50–80 years trying to hunt you down and make you into a coat, just saved your son from being blown up, and is now dying.

But you lack the brain capacity to understand any of that. Or remember any of that history.

You just know that he's hurt, badly, and that you don't like seeing him in pain.

Joris knows now, that for an ecaflip demigod, it's not that big of a deal to die. At least not the first time.

So it's really more of a "You sacrificed yourself for me?" question.

He's paying back his debt. He can't be mean to Joris, when all he's done is be nice to him, he's not that kind of person.

And when he wakes up again, things will be different, between him and Kerubim. Something new is going to happen.

To quote Dofus Aux Tresors de Kerubim: It will have a different taste. A different feel.

Kerubim's current lack of object permanence or the idea of death, is both a blessing and a curse, because he has no fucking idea what happened, or where Atcham went. Poor kbitty.

On one hand, this is inherently traumatic for Joris. He must be tired of watching ecaflip demigods evaporate.

On the other hand, I can't help but feel that this is the moment Joris and Atcham truly begin to love one another. So I can't even feel sad about this moment, like a normal person.

Chat, this is what I cal coping and perhaps even seething. Joris is inclined to think Bakara is wrong because Bakara fucked up Majorly at this part of the movie. Also because Joris has not slept the entire night. Also because he watched 2 people die. Also Simone is far away. Also what IS Simone to do with a dofus-related issue?

Julith would absolutely have hurt Lilotte. There is absolutely not a single doubt in my mind, that if it got her what she wanted, she would dismember Lilotte as Joris watched.

I don't blame him for making mistakes and fumbling, though. He's like 10.

If she really isn't that bad... If ALL she wants to do, is to bring Jahash back... If that's what it takes for her to leave Lilotte and Kerubim alone...

And among all else, if this brings the man she loves back? He doesn't mind, then.

(Puts on a giant, Dofus Aux Tresors de Kerubim themed tinfoil hat)

Joris is a difficult character to read due to his insane multitudes and affinity for lying to everyone and himself.

Due to his passion for wanting to learn about his birth parents, I think spending time with Julith and Jahash is like a dream to him.

But I can't miss the dimension in this interaction that Julith is a scary dark mage called "the butcher", who already killed his father once and then kidnapped his friend, and they are both standing near her, behind him, and she is holding what is essentially the magical equivalent of a nuclear bomb in her hands.

And the things he says to her may or may not be affected by like, idk, two or three of these factors? Like there might be a slight possibility that he said "I'm sure she wouldn't have hurt you" and "a real family" specifically to decrease the chances of her killing Kerubim and Lilotte. Not sure where I get this idea from, though.

This is literally the worst day in Kerubim's life as a father. There is literally no going back. Thank god his little kittybrain is going to forget all about this in roughly 3 minutes.

#ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #dofusmovie #joris jurgen

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samble-moved · 9 months

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Madoka's Ascension Can Be Read as a Sort of Suicide

TW: Discussion of suicide, depression, etc.

Note: This is a repost from @/samble, my prev (deleted) blog, done for ease of access. I don't actually think this interpretation this was intentional, but it's another valid way you can read Madoka's actions.

I) Foreward/Beginning

A lot of people associate Homura with the idea of a "depressed character" in Madoka Magica. This makes sense, though you could likely argue most, if not all of the cast, is depressed/traumatized. However, Homura is the most blatent. She is constantly overly self-critical, has very poor self esteem, has canonically attempted suicide and has suicidal thoughts, and her entire witch is literally based around wanting and wanting to die.

But just because Homura's is one of the more in-your-face doesn't mean Madoka, who's literally portrayed as a goddess that gives hope, can't be seen as a character who's also going through things, even pre-Timeloop shenanigans...

II) Madoka's Self Esteem, or Total Lack Thereof

Madoka, throughout most of her appearances throughout the "main" anime timeline, has very obvious low self esteem. She compares herself to others constantly, seems to base her whole sense of self worth off of if she's seen as "helpful", and is always calling herself weak and a burden/bother to others. Most people think (perhaps rightly) that this is only due to the aforementioned Timeloop Shenanigans as shown in the anime, but Madoka actually thinks this way even before Homura becomes a magical girl. See: the drama CDs, specifically #1.

Here's a quote from the CD summary off Puella Magi Wiki that I think stands out (keep in mind, again, this is Timeline One Madoka, NOT the less self-confident Madoka from later Timelines/loops):

"On their way Madoka confesses to Homura that she used to think the same way as Homura, she felt powerless and useless but that changed when she became a magical girl...[before] she felt she was only causing trouble to other people."

This implies Madoka gains her confidence when she becomes a magical girl. But her lack of it in the first place implies TL1 Madoka, if/when she was human, didn't have high self esteem like people think. She got it from winning battles and helping people as a magical girl. So it's entirely possible that having a poor view of herself is actually Madoka's "default", and it can't all be blamed on looping affecting her. It's highly possible "later Timeline" Madoka IS just like First Timeline Madoka — she's just still human.

III) Madoka Only Ever Seems to Like Herself if She's Saving Someone (Even at the Cost of Her Life)

Even in the TL1 Madoka examples, did you notice how she repeatedly says her self esteem only raised after she becomes a magical girl? Being a magical girl, where job benefits include trauma, life threatening situations on the daily, literally no escape but dying, and becoming/watching your friends become eldritch horrors that you have to kill? That doesn't seem like something that would make you feel better, but worse.

However, the main draw to Madoka is saving other people. Forget her own life and safety, she'd rather help others! And...this could be a noble goal, if literally all of her self esteem didn't rest on her doing this.

Think about it. Madoka is fourteen. She's highly self critical, thinks she's useless, and overall has a very poor self image. But then, she contracts. Sure, she's in constant danger (which she acknowledges), but she helps people...which makes her happy, despite all the "mortal peril" drawbacks. Now think about if a normal human middle schooler said this. Like, a normal 13-14 year old girl saying her entire sense of self worth revolves around saving people while putting herself in life threatening situations. Nobody would say this is a "good" thing, most people would think she would need therapy, or to try and base her self worth on other things instead of just something so dangerous, or wait until she's older and has more experience. They wouldn't blindly support such a thing.

IV) Madoka as Someone Passively Suicidal

I want to start out this section by saying I do not think Madoka would ever intentionally and literally kill herself. Thus the "passively" aspect.

Obviously, Madoka never says something to the effect of, "I want to kill myself" or "I want to die" in the anime. However, her actions and blatent disregard for her own safety and life can be read as a more passive instead of active form of suicidal ideation, or just not caring about herself at best.

From choosetherapy, "Passive suicidal ideation happens when people desire death but do not make active plans to harm themselves. These thoughts may sound like, 'I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up,' or 'I wish I could die in a car accident.' Although these are not active plans and tend to be situations in which people do not die by their own hand, people may still engage in riskier behaviors as a result of these thoughts."

From Refinery29, on an article by someone who's dealt with this: "Most days, I enjoyed my life. I was invested in my plans and looked forward to the future. But every now and then, when things were particularly difficult, I wanted to close my eyes and disappear. Thinking about no longer existing was like an emotional reflex, something I sometimes defaulted to when faced with internal pain."

Now, again, Madoka is never for sure shown saying anything like this — but we also don't see a ton of her thought process, in general. What we do see, however, can be a bit alarming.

From the same summary of Drama CD #1: "Madoka tells Homura that she wanted to adopt the black cat [Amy] but apparently it likes being independent. So she asks Homura that if something were to happen to her, she would like Homura to take care of it. Homura panics but Madoka tries to calm her by telling her she is not planning on dying soon."

Remember that Madoka...

Is absolutely willing to throw herself into literal life or death situations to try and save someone, no hesitation, at 14

Is prone to risk taking behaviors in some cases due to the above, even fighting when she knows she will die or doing dangerous things that can 100% get her killed or injured

Does these things because her self esteem is so low she seems to see herself as worthless

Is constantly seemingly belittling herself (

Only gains self worth through saving and helping others, even if it literally results in her dying and is very dangerous (at 14!!!)

Makes a dark joke/request to Homura about Homura watching out for Amy (the cat) if "something happens" to Madoka in TL1, which is a little worrying, since things like making "hypothetical" requests like that sometimes happens if someone is planning on suicide (ex. "If I die, please take care of my pets" or "If something ever happens to me, please do xyz" and yes, I'm aware she doesn't commit suicide then, but I recognized this is likely the reason why Homura is worried).

V) How This Relates to Madoka's Final Wish

AKA how Madoka's self sacrifical nature goes full throttle, resulting in something suspiciously akin to that whole "passively suicidal" thing we just touched on.

I'm not sure if other people have noticed it, but it seems implied that Madoka knew, or at least didn't care that her wish would erase her from existence — and, worse, this is something she wanted to happen.

Mami literally tells Madoka she will never physically be able to stop fighting, and that Madoka will lose all individuality. Mami even tells her dying would be kinder. The same Mami that made a wish to avoid dying. And does Madoka freak out? Seem to show she didn't expect this? No. She just basically says, "Fine. That's what I wanted to do, anyways."

She knew this was a potential aspect of her wish, and does not care that it "kills" her (in a metaphorical sense) by erasing any and all records of her existing, and her as a person.

Remember that part about how something like, "I wish I could just disappear?" can be passive suicidal ideation? Yeah, well it's pretty clear now that this was intentional, or, at "best", something Madoka doesn't mind...when she 100% should absolutely mind as a middle school aged girl.

And Mami isn't the only character who sees Madoka's fate as sad and depressing! Homura thinks so! And Homura says dying would be better when she sold her soul to keep Madoka from dying!

Madoka herself is maybe content with it, but again, Madoka only likes herself if she's saving someone. If she's not, she thinks she's a burden on her friends and family.

Madoka has low self esteem -> Madoka gains it by saving and helping others, even at great risk -> her wish is a literal cultivation of that, as she wishes herself out of existence -> Madoka is likely "content" as the LoC because

She no longer "exists" and has no actual "self" anymore

She is useful and helps people, and only sees herself as anything other than a nuisance and a good for nothing when she's doing things like this

This isn't even getting into the lyrics and implications of Madoka's character song if it's being read this way, which is one of those "sounds happy, is actually really sad" types:

"Cracking a smile, yet I'm feeling lonely / The truth is, I still have more to talk about / But with the words 'See you later' / I say we'll meet again, but it's a lie / and with my usual smile, I say / 'See you tomorrow'"

VI) Additional Notes

I'd like to add (post-posting howomura edit here) that you can commit suicide (or quasi-suicide) for a "selfless" or "good" reason and for it to still be sad and messed up. Nobody is claiming Madoka is evil for sacrificing herself, just that she shouldn't have felt like she had to do it, especially at her age (fourteen).

People who do it so their families can get money, to make political points and attract attention to events, etc, may have "good" intentions and be "selfless" in their actions, but it doesn't mean those people should have had to do it. Altruistic and benevolent suicides are still tragic even if they're meant to be for good cause or to help others as a whole.

#pmmm #madoka magica #madoka kaname #madoka #essays #upl #now with image IDs! hooray #long post #suicide tw #id in alt text

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lesbianboyfriend · 2 months

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can i ask for lesbian book recommendations 🥹🕺

yeassss ofc my love <3

erm and obligatory disclaimer for any who might read that i don’t think “queer” or “lesbian” is a necessarily coherent category of books or adequate descriptor for a novel which is why i’ve also provided the actual genres here (sorted into which ever one i felt best fit) and descriptions. and these books have much more going on than just being about lesbians. however all books are undeniably awesomer with lesbians so yayyyyy

FANTASY:

-the salt grows heavy by cassandra khaw: fantasy horror; murderous mermaid and plague doctor come across a cult of children (could be read as not lesbians bc one character is nonbinary but i choose to read as. lesbians)

-the empress of salt and fortune by nghi vo: political fantasy; monk unravels the tale of exiled empress’ rise to power

-when the the tigers came down the mountain by nghi vo: political fantasy; monk unwinds the tale of a tiger and her scholar lover to prevent other tigers from eating them (stand alone sequel to empress of salt and fortune)

-ship of smoke and steel by django wexler: ya fantasy; girl has to steal a ghost ship to save her sister’s life

-the mermaid, the witch, and the sea by maggie tokuda-hall: ya fantasy; pirate falls in love with one of the ship’s hostages, a girl being sent to an arranged marriage against her will

-tremontaine created by ellen kushner: political fantasy; there’s a lot going on in this one okay just trust me that it’s really good esp if you love political intrigue (this was released serially and is easiest to acquire an electronic version)

-the deep by rivers solomon: fantasy/spec fic; African slave women thrown overboard gave birth to mermaid-esque descendants. one holds these traumatic memories for her whole people and must grapple with that pressure

-wild beauty by anna-marie mclemore: ya magical realism/fantasy; a family of women who can create flowers and whose lovers always tragically vanish fight to keep their land and to unravel the mystery of a strange boy who appeared

-siren queen by nghi vo: historical magical realism/fantasy; girl’s rise to stardom amidst the monsters of hollywood back in the days of the studio system

-gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir: sff; um. how to explain briefly. gideon wants nothing more than to leave the ninth house, but her nemesis harrowhark needs her sword skills to pass the emperors trial and become immortal. sure. (caleb i know you’ve read this just adding for any other viewers yayyy)

HORROR:

-white is for witching by helen oyeyemi: horror fantasy/magical realism; a house with women in its walls calls to miranda silver while the people she leaves behind struggle to make sense of what happened to her

-plain bad heroines by emily a. danforth: historical horror; when filming a movie about the macabre history of a boarding school, its past starts to become the reality for the stars and author of the novel it’s based on

LITFIC:

-girl woman other: contemporary litfic; the intersecting stories of Black british women told in verse

-nightwood: classic literary; i feel like i can’t describe this one well but nora and jenny are obsessed with robin, whose penchant for wandering and inability to commit drives them crazy. toxic dyke drama at its best

-the thirty names of night: lit fic; transmasc syrian american unravels the history of artist laila z who encountered the same rare bird his mother saw right before her death and realizes their pasts are intertwined

-under the udala trees: historical lit fic; coming of age set against the backdrop of civil war in Nigeria, two girls from different ethnic communities fall in love

-everyone in this room will someday be dead: contemporary lit fic; that moment when your ocd lands you a job at the catholic church even though you’re an atheist and also your relationship is falling apart

-stone butch blues: historical lit fic; butch lesbian realizing and grappling with her identity throughout the 40s-70s

-the color purple: classic lit fic; story of two sisters separated in their youth—one is forced into an abusive marriage and falls in love with her husbands mistress, wondering what became of her sister

-oranges are not the only fruit: semi-autobiography with slight fantasy elements; exploring growing up lesbian in a deeply religious pentecostal sect

SCI-FI:

-the weight of the stars: ya sf romance; aspiring astronaut is forced into friendship with a girl who waits on the roof every night for radio signals from her mother in space

-the seep: sci-fi/spec fic; what if aliens invaded and formed a hive mind of everyone and also your girlfriend turned into a baby again. wouldn’t that be fucked up

-the stars are legion: political science fiction; an awakes with no memory amid a group of people calling themself her family who claim she is the only one who can save their world

-not your sidekick: ya sci-fi; superheroes are real and they fucking suck

SHORT STORIES:

-sarahland: contemporary/spec fic short story collection; various stories about people named sarah

#jules.txt #asks #bookshelf

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someguyinc · 6 months

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hello i saw you in the notes talking about arthur and morgana's relationship and i would love to hear you talk more please. i am unhinged about them.

(no pressure tho if you don't feel like it)

this is literally the best thing someone could say to me after a 16 hr flight 😭 bless u anon

also me too. so i'm just gonna ramble ab my headcannons and then also their canon relationship below the cut bc it is so interesting to me and i really have a lot to say and i really mean. A LOT.

so let's start off with season 1/pre-canon and the source of all their problems: uther pendragon. uther pendragon is fucking insane and possibly one of the worst parents ever,,, like def top 10 worst fathers i think

pre-season 1 time line as I see it:

- he marries ygraine from the house of du bois after becoming king,, probably like 3-7 years after,, he claimed he loved her (heavily debatable!!) and she seemed to as well so they assumedly married for love

- now uther has a best friend at the time: Gorlois (now if this is his name-name or surname i'm not sure so i'm just going to go say surname since they're nobility) This man is known by Uther had the bravest man he's ever met,, and his wife the Lady Vivienne probably lost him in battle bc later in season 3,, Uther says a much and says Lady Vivienne was: "lonely so he consoled her"...

- now, this is where my headcannon comes in,, I'm pretty damn sure morgana is older than arthur,, meaning that I'm pretty sure that Uther cheated on ygraine out of that shared grief and around this time ygraine probably was showing growing signs of being barren/unable to become pregnant which probably worried the court ngl

- so morgana conception happens,, vivienne goes away,, gorlois thinks she's his,, during this time uther finally gives in and sacrifices ygraine's life for arthur's and ultimately blames it on arthur/all of magic (remember the talk w uther and nimueh when he says: i wish he'd [arthur] never been born bc it meant losing ygraine essentially like,,,. ok. wow.)

- now season 1: there is so much evidence uther is an abusive shit:

- he throws both of his children in jail whenever they toe the line in a way he doesn't find amusing (ie: s1e4 and s1e12)

- arthur straight up says (he's about 20/21 atp): i never knew you were proud of me,, in fact i always thought i was a disapointment (meaning: uther never went out of his way to show him otherwise for a solid 20-21 years.)

and uther doesn't actually say he's proud of him he just goes: i wouldn't wish for another son (after drugging him so he wouldn't duel being a hypocritical king)

so all of this: leads back to morgana and arthur's relationship

morgana and arthur in season 1 have a somewhat tentative relationship,, we can see that most of the kingdom thinks the two of them are going to marry one another (including themselves at times) ie: gwen saying morgana would make a great queen one day,, but they also bicker all the damn time

snipes here and there,, but ultimately it usually comes down to their differences in how they reacted to their upbringing from uther:

arthur became the dutiful/exceptional son: he became a knight at 20 (usually took knights till mid twenties-early thirties), later we learn he led druid raids pre-canon (this traumatized him also again fuck uther) this would also be exceptional seeing as he probably wasn't a fully fledged knight even then, and is known throughout Camelot (and most of Albion tbh) as a master swordsman,, and while he did have his own thoughts on magic he often bit his tounge in front of his father in order to prove himself,, we also know that unlike morgana: he learned exactly how to navigate around uther so he could do what he wanted against uther's will while not embarrassing in front of the court (ie: when he went to go save gwen after saying to his father and the court that it was probably a lost cause)

morgana was the people's princess,, but she def got the "i am my father's daughter" syndrome BADDDDD: we see in s1 she's often stood up to Uther in front of the court numerous times, so much so that when she gets thrown into prison (s1e12) it's not the first time,, arthur tells her: "i promised him that this would be the last time you acted out against him like this" (paraphrasing) and morgana replies "you're a good man, unlike your father" (line that makes me insane)

they are parallel from the start within these two episodes specifically!!! many may argue morgana was good and kind from the beginning,, but she often did things FOR HER OWN MOTIVES!!! when she helped gwen's father to escape without consulting gwen,, it confirmed it for me. she may have convinced herself it was for gwen,, but she never even asked,, she did it to piss of uther not thinking it all the way through,, opening his cell and leaving him to fend for himself against a bataillon of knights. now i'm not saying morgana has never done anything out of pure kindness,,

but whereas arthur is constantly set up as a righteous and noble man in his heart but his actions can appear to be... for lack of a better word, extremely dickish

morgana's actions appear to be kind and generous, but can often endanger those around her in her conquest for the things she wants, sometimes ending in death. (AGAIN NOT ALWAYS!!!)

NOW this leads me to the fact that once again they were the only two who grew up under Uther really and are the only ones who know what that's like,, they probably already felt more like brother and sister by the time s1 hit just bc of that but endured it bc they weren't blood and swallows the fact they were probably gonna be married but you can see it in the scenes alone,,

morgana does push arthur to be better and to challenge the things uther taught them bc that is what she instinctively does!! morgana questions uther and in return teacher arthur to question uther (ie: pushing arthur to save merlin in s1e4, helps him to strike down valiant s1e2, makes him argue back when gwen was wrongfully imprisoned s1e3) and we see that morgana does care for arthur!! she threatens sophia when she noticed something is off and often rushes to the defense of her friends,, her tactics can be destructive though just in a parallel way to arthur's

arthur's destructiveness comes from his inability to choose a side, or based his assumptions on prejudices something that becomes even more apparent when morgana turns away from Camelot and it's people

morgana was probably rooting for arthur as a king for a certain point,, but even though the grew up together and she should know arthur's MO is usually 'just say yes in front of dad and do whatever the fuck is just later' morgana doesn't trust him. and as her powers grow this also becomes more apparent and her support wanes until she believes someone else should be on the throne,,,

and when she learns that uther is her father??? that's when she flies off the deep end.

now for me morgana being older than arthur is one of the only reasons why she would have a valid claim to the throne!! we see that mithian as the only girl succeeded her father as QUEEN not just princess meaning the laws of succession COULD include women it just depended on the region,,

now imagine being morgana:

you grow up at home with your father, he is kind, brave, and gentle, and a fearsome warrior, he is the kings best friend. he dies and you move in probably around the age of 8 and you see this 6 year old boy. you later learn the kingdom expects the two of you to marry. you're still grieving but you know what this means. you take the etiquette lessons, you learn to wield the sword, you become proficient in horseback riding, you gain the education fitting of a queen. you are 15, the prince is 13, he is already one of the most promising squires. it's alright though you're learning to love him, not as a romance though (not anymore at least, he tried to flick his booger at you once at the age of 8, the flame was staunchly out out.) you two appreciate one another, you get older, it is improper for the two of you to be alone together, you witness your first execution. he's being killed for the crime of sorcery (he saved a little girl from a burning building), you don't understand. you meet your maidservant, she is one of the most lovely people to grace the earth. you love her, as a friend. you grow older, you're still expected to marry the prince (he is 18), he has killed many. he has watched even more die. he is different, you are different. you watch another man die for the crime of sorcery, you don't understand. two years pass, you're tormented by dreams you cannot comprehend but always seem to come true, a serving boy arrives, he changes the prince again. you watch another man die. you don't understand, but you hold your tounge now until later. the king's temper is short. years past and the sleeping draughts aren't working, your dreams are getting worse. your maidservant is in love with the prince. you're jealous, you don't understand. you think you have magic, you see the prince become his father. you don't understand, you just want someone to tell you it'll be alright. after years of anger and bitterness you finally understand, you hate the king and all he's done, the world would be better if he were gone, arthur would be better if he were gone. arthur loves him anyways and it kills you. you meet a woman who claims to be your sister, both of blood and in magic. you take her hand, she promises to teach you all there is to be taught. your anger for the king festers. the prince you once loved turns out to be your brother. the king you hate turns out to be your father. you beg him to recognize you, and give you the family name you were stripped of. he doesn't. you kill him. you kill s lot of people. you don't care if they're innocent or not anymore. you connive, and you plot, and you scheme. you try to kill the prince, who is now king. your sister dies. you miss your best friend, the handmaiden who is now queen. she says she hates you. you hate arthur. you die trying to make him as miserable as you.

now arthur:

one day your father brings a girl home, everyone is telling you that they you expect to marry. father doesnt say anything. you think she's pretty, you accidentally flick your booger at her and she looks at you like you've wiped horseshit on her dress. you watch a man die for the crime of magic. you don't understand, you will soon. your father looks at you like there is someone he can't stand to see. he cherishes this girl he's brought home. you work harder than any squire seen before. you get promoted early, everyone says it is just because of the king, you beat them in everything so they can't secondaries you ever again. you watch more sorcerers die, your father says it is because they killed your mother, you secretly feel like a bad person because you don't understand why all sorcerers deserve to die for the crime of one death. even if it is your mother. you twist her ring. your father's ward is beautiful, you try to impress her, she's too busy hanging out with her maidservant. you get older and complete your first druid camp raid, you don't understand, so many of them are women and children, so many of them die anyways. you change. you grow older, you become the youngest knight in camelot, you think it will turn your father's ward's attention to you, she's infatuated with owain, the oaf. you get older, and you meet the most insufferable boy with the most outrageous ears and the most obvious lies. he changes you. morgana becomes more distant. you learn that your mother's life was given for yours, you try to kill your father. the manservant you trust most in the world says that sorcerers lie, you finally understand. you hate sorcery and despise any practitioners of magic from now on. you grow older, you begin to fall in love with your sister's manservant, you understand her infatuation. you grow as a prince, and person, you gain alliances in unlikely places, you don't think you'll marry morgana anymore. you learn your father's ward is your sister, you watch as she usurps the throne. you don't understand. you fight back. you become king. you marry the love of your life. she betrays you with a close friend. you become lost. you forgive her, you trust again. you are fighting your sister. always. you don't even recognize her anymore, you wonder if you ever did. you later learn that magic was never evil, on your deathbed, and that your soulmate had it the whole time. you wonder about your sister. she tries to kill you again. she dies in your best friend's arms and all you can think is how she finally looks peaceful for the first time in forever. you die the same way not too long after.

anyways: morgana and arthur parallel each other so hard it's crazy,,, and the pendragons are a family of self-fulfilling prophecies

like that is your sister/brother and you love them and you hate them and nobody else couldn't possibly get it and they hate you but you will always love them and you are home but you can never go home and -!

#some guy talking #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #i have more to say ngl but like #im gonna take a shower #they make me so sick #DO YOU HEAR ME!!!???#anyways thanks for the ask sorry if this was literally incomprehensible lol #asks #merlin meta

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chocolatemilksmoothie · 2 years

Text

Labyrinth Runners

Omg I loved this one!! buckle up, there's a lot of little details and a lot to point out

I suspected we might not get an update on Luz and the rest of the owl house members and the suspense there is killing me ngl...

I can already see it, both groups meet and both are like "we have SO much to tell you you're not gonna believe this-"

anyways, baby Willow and baby Gus my beloveds

I love their relationship. they were there for each other before anyone else was, and you can see how deeply they care for one another

Gus is a scary good illusionist, it must be frightening to have that happen

ahh good ol' breathing exercises, always worth a shot

I ADORE that Bump allows more kids to try multi track magic, and Matt got into illusion magic! aww

Among Luz's messages was "don't scare him(them?) away" I think she was referring to Hunter. it's sweet she took the time to write that, but god I hope she's safe

the hearts they are adorable <3

I enjoyed Willow and Amity's plot as well! Amity trying to protect her because he values having her back vs Willow wanting her to see that she is strong and can fight alongside her!

he's been reading about Grimwalkers... oh buddy what have you learned?

it's both sweet and heartbreaking that 1) he thought of hexside as a safe place to hide and 2) he's wearing the Flyer Derby outfit. he really had a good time being a normal kid for a day :')

Adrian. I like his style but I did NOT buy his act. How horrifying that he was tricking students into getting sigils by pretending he was helping them not get sigils. messed up

they really made him a pretentious director. I love it. both he and Terra are scary and full of personality, very fun antagonists to see

Love his design also. Everything about it

Severine... is voiced by Dana right? she was hilarious, go back to the tiny cat coven girl they don't deserve u here

Loved the concept of a trippy labyrinth of familiar places too

throw yourself down the steps to see if they're real, flawless technique

once again Hunter parallels another character. Gus is trusting by nature, which has led to him getting hurt, while Hunter grew up in a competitive, hostile environment where the only person he trusted blindly ended up being a monster. He is being extra cautious. But Gus won't hurt him

God, Belos sent a search party and is pretending like he's all worried. he hasn't told anyone he ran away. but we know what'll happen if he goes back to the castle *shudders*

the acting and animation for the panic attack, the breathing and the hesitation were done with a lot of care. I also like that it's in "Gus' room"

I love Gus I love him lots ok

the banned posters I love my children lmao

HIGH FIVE

I'm so happy Hunter still calls Willow "captain" he respects her a ton

and again, it makes sense he noticed she wasn't the real one. Gus is trusting, and Willow has never taken advantage of his trust, while Hunter is super on edge atm

"put him-" "out of his misery? got it" jesus dude he just kicked you

HIS TEAMMATES SAVED HIM

"dude looks sickly" yeah he's been sleep deprived and mentally abused and probably not eating much it'll do that to ya

oh I love this little ragtag team of rebel witches (+ Gus of course)

Adrien wants to find the Galderstones for Belos. Funny, pretty sure that's an ingredient for a certain thing hmmm ever heard of Grimwalkers?

"in the name of the moon we will kick your ass!"

Gus' ability to make you see traumatic memories is messed up. Dana stop traumatizing the children challenge

Hunter and Gus bonding about how they've been deceived and used. and awww the breathing with whistling ahaha is this because of the tooth gap because same

GUS KEPT THE MIRROR THINGY YES

"what... is... this??" "just go with it" my heart

friends will hug you even if you haven't showered

the Illusion coven head got MESSED UP oh my god

Barcus cracks me up he's so well spoken

and we end with Hunter having a LOT to talk about, but also having a large group of people to support and watch out for him

I suspect they're all gonna start preparing to find Luz and the others and to stop Belos in the Day of Unity ohhhohoho I feel DREAD BABEYYY

this was a dense one, and the first episode without Luz in it. I expect next week we'll catch up with them, especially King, and hopefully by the end of next ep both teams meet up to prepare together...

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impala-dreamer · 1 year

Text

Everlong - Chapter Fifteen

A Supernatural Series

~Y/N has everything she’s ever wanted - the love of a good man, a best friend she can lean on, drama, magic, and heroics. But everyone knows, things aren’t always what they seem.~

Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester, Rowena, Castiel, Others

Chapter Fifteen Word Count: 886

A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone who read and commented/reblogged/sent asks. I really appreciate your interaction and involvement. <3 This is the end... and I'm sure you'll have questions, but as I said, there were always breadcrumbs lol. Feel free to come chat with me about it... <33

Everlong Masterlist ~ Impala-Dreamer’s Masterlist ~ Patreon ~ Published Works ~ Buy Me A Coffee ~ Feedback is Gold

Jensen sat by her side, head held in his hands, elbows digging into his knees. His beard was thick, his hair greasy and unkempt. The flesh below his eyes was dark, his vision strained from lack of sleep.

Y/N was still asleep and he marked the time by each labored rise and fall of her chest. Her wrists were bound to the bed, her ackles spread and locked in place by velcro straps. The sheets beneath her were wrinkled and twisted, the pillow flat around her head.

She stirred and he sat up, leaning close to check on her. He was still shaking, traumatized by the whole ordeal. The weeks leading up to her crash, the stress of trying to help her from so far away. The hallucinations were wild and she had to face them alone. He should have done more, should have forced her to go to the hospital sooner, should have… should have… should have…

He sucked in a heavy breath and cleared the tears from his eyes when the door opened.

Cindy, the ward nurse, came in, her white sneakers squeaking gently on the polished floor. She smiled kindly at Jensen and went about her task checking Y/N’s vitals.

She eyed Jensen over the clipboard as she noted the time and numbers. “You should go home and rest,” she said quietly.

He shook his head. “Can’t do that.” His voice creaked and he cleared his throat, pushing away the tears. “I need to be here when she wakes up.”

Cindy gave him a sad smile and nodded. “I understand.”

“She will-” His heart ached and he reached for Y/N’s hand, squeezing her fingers tight. “She will wake up, won’t she?”

The nurse sighed and hung the clipboard off the foot of the bed. “The pills she took did a lot of damage and the seizure was severe. Her… brain was without oxygen for three minutes, and…”

She trailed off, seeing Jensen crumble. Hunched over, he dropped his head and kissed Y/N’s hand. He shuddered, unable to stop himself from crying again.

“We can pray,” she said softly.

Jensen looked up and nodded. “Thank you.”

Cindy walked away quietly, tiptoeing so her shoes didn’t squeak so loudly. When she reached the door, she turned, offering a tiny speck of comfort.

“I’m sure you did all that you could.”

Green eyes burned with guilt.

“Yeah…”

“You did all that you could, Dean.”

Castiel stood at the foot of the bed, looking down upon Y/N’s unconscious form. The bullet had grazed her forehead, knocked aside by Dean’s tackle, but she had not yet awakened. She was lost to trauma, her own mind caging her deep inside.

For days, Dean sat by her side in the hospital, watching every breath and counting every beep on the monitor. Sometimes, he whispered to her just to see if the lines on the screen would move, but mostly, he sat and stared, hating himself and everything that he had failed to do.

“I didn’t do shit, Cas, and you know it.”

The angel frowned deeply. “You saved her life.”

Dean looked up, frustrated and broken. “Yeah. Sure looks like it.”

“Dean, don’t-”

“You sure there’s nothing you can do?” His lip trembled and he reached for Y/N’s hand, holding it tight.

Castiel hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Dean inhaled deeply. His chest was aching, his body close to collapse with exhaustion. His gaze fell across her face. “Can you see inside her head?” he asked, hoping for some solace. “Is she… she still in there?”

Cas looked ahead, squinting at Y/N. “I don’t know, Dean.” He shook his head sadly. “But wherever she is, I’m sure she’s alright.”

Green eyes flooded with painful tears. “Yeah…”

Y/N shut the oven door and wiped her hands on her gingham apron.

The sound of boots filled the little kitchen and Y/N smiled as Dean snuck up behind her. His sweaty arms fit perfectly around her waist and his scruffy chin landed on her shoulder.

“Whatcha cookin’, good lookin’?” he asked, sniffing at the air.

Y/N laughed and let herself relax against him. He was warm from the sun and smelled like grass clippings and rich dirt.

“Oh, just an apple pie,” she said, closing her eyes for a moment. “I know you’re not a fan, but-”

His fingers wiggled around her middle and she laughed, tickled by his touch.

“Oh, I’m a fan.” He nuzzled at her throat and then lifted his lips to her ear. “I’m a fan of you too…”

Y/N hummed and spun in his arms, turning to face him. She wrapped her hands around him, letting her fingers curl in the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

“How’d we get here?” she asked, soaking in the love beaming from his emerald eyes. “Cute little house in the middle of nowhere, pie in the oven, dogs in the yard? Don’t you ever wonder how things are just so… perfect?”

Dean laughed softly and shrugged. “I guess I don’t think about it much. Why worry about things when they’re good?”

Y/N smiled. “So things are good?”

He licked his lips and eyed hers, his arms locking behind her back, pulling her closer. “Baby, things are… awesome…”

2023 Forever Tags (Always Open! Send an Ask!)

@aditimukul @agirlwithdemonblood @amanda-teaches @akshi8278 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @b3autyfuldisast3r @babysimpala @beardburnsupersoldiers @because-imma-lady-assface @bloodline1632 @charred-angelwings @chenshemesh1 @cosicas-cuquis @covered-byroses @djs8891 @deanwinchesterswitch @deansyahtzee @feelmyroarrrr @foxyjwls007 @hobby27 @idreamofdeanie @ilsawasanacrobat @impalaspixie @jawritter @justcallmeasmodeus @kazsrm67 @kittenofdoomage @leigh70 @lovealways-j @lyarr24 @mariekoukie6661 @maggiegirl17 @mistressofallthingsgeeky @pandaxo79 @peachy-vans @roseblue373 @sacriceria @samwellwinchesterthebrave @sexyvixen7 @spideysimpossiblegirl @spnexploration @the-wounded-healer05 @thoughts-and-funnies @vulgar-library

Series Tag: @globetrotter28 @iamtrash-withrespect @deans-baby-momma

#spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #angst #series #finale

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swamp-spirit · 3 months

Text

Been thinking about the most teenage story I wrote in high school and like, it was:

Teen girl gets brought into a social group of hot goth boys with different color themes. They turn out to be half demons, and realize she has the right powers to join their magical dance battle team. She eventually finds out she's secretly half wolf demon.

But like... going back to it, I stand by a surprising amount of it:

-Green coded guy was the physical embodiment of a forest that took human form to attempt to charm the hippie conservationist who saved him.

-In fact, pretty much none of the guys were romantically interested in the female lead, they were legit just her friends and dance team. The actual romantic interest was like... team member #5 who gets pretty much no page time for the chunk teen me actually wrote

-World building is that there used to be super powerful demons, but they got wiped out, and all modern demons are weird, weaker genetic offshoots of the originals. One team member is one of the few surviving ancient demons, but this is because he was sealed for centuries and is now physically weak, deeply traumatized, and just kinda a weird hikkimori who the other demons respect for the raw power he'd have if he felt like it.

-Vampire Rules: Let's say the original vampires were 1000% vampires. Super strong, super bloody thirsty, super weak to sunlight, etc. When they died, everyone within radius split that percent, and every time a vampire dies, it gets split up so vampireness is super diluted.

-This means vampire hunters slowly become vampires. One team member was a vampire hunter, and tracked down his last target, who intentionally isolated himself to make sure the hunter who killed him would become fully vamp themselves.

-The other team member who's part vampire was just like... at a large party where a vampire died and is .003% vampire. There are no powers with this. He is the romantic interest.

Way to go tiny me. Congrats on making the most Angsty Teen (tm) premise and then becoming totally lost in your weird hot-demon-boy world building.

#I think the ancient demon had romantic tension with the vampire hunter?#there was also a guy on the team who was just 100% human #and a succubus guy

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pascalsbby · 8 months

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Just You / Joel Miller

I just wrote fluff (kinda). YEAH! ME! It’s really just for my own comfort but thought I’d share it anyways.

Warnings: Joel helps traumatized (mommy & daddy issues, best of both worlds bitches) neurodivergent reader not feel so bad about doing the small things that help her, like smoking a joint here n’ there. Ya know?

You filled up your water bottle and huffed at the ice tray, hating the way it’s burning your touch from lingering fingers. You can’t not have cold water for when your throat dries. Can’t have outside time without it. You had filled the tray up too far, again. Well this was again, again. You’d only used it a few times since Joel stumbled into the kitchen with it last week. “So your water’a be cold when you’re swingin’.” He presented it to you with his crooked grin.

Now, he was looking at you from the back of the couch. “Bring it ‘er baby. It’s been overfilled a little too much. But thats s’okay- now we both know.” It wasn’t a reprimand pointing to you, with a “you weren’t smart enough to know that? ice expands…?” tone. It was a suggestion, just something he happened to notice… something he wanted to help you with.

You were grateful that despite the really shitty past couple of months, he still didn’t shy away from recentering you- guiding you, more so. The facade of your trauma being ‘not that bad these things happen to everyone,” never really faded behind the memories, but in college it fell drastically. Not being to sit through a class in the lecture hall because (Mr.) Professor’s voice was echoing the walls of the lecture hall (your mind) too loudly. Getting out of the four walls of your bedroom forced a lot of realizations towards you. But it wasn’t until your mid-20’s that it just completely collapsed- watching other people’s father’s grow the fuck up (age) and apologize to them, their mothers, their little brothers- maybe sometimes you. But not you- you. Narcissism feels too good in his proud chest.

Mom went to therapy, so she thinks she’s done her part. She did, for herself. Sure. But they were never meant to save you, you knew that.

It wasn’t until you got to know Joel that you saw there were parents who tried to understand, and a safe (even if just inside their own four-walled house) environment really did make the difference. Sarah, for example. He was considerably older, stern, and gentle. He looked like he could take care of you- not just by the thickness of his arms and veined neck, but the width of his grasp upon you- around you, inside of you. You dirty thing, you, shhh.

You hadn’t been able to smoke in a couple weeks and it felt like it was catching up to you. Yeah, yeah, it sounds bad even while I stumble through this validation. But it helped and you were sick and fucking tired of pretending it wasn’t. Finally something was helping. You’d put it off in guilt for years until finally trying it and realizing that your thoughts quitely deduced themselves to leaving your own mind and joining the waves on the back of the singing cicadas. Or the sound of the night sky above your neighbors air-conditioner box. It was 106 degrees today. Don’t think about it too deeply. You begged of yourself, then thought how long you begged for someone to listen to you and magically solve the problem. A diagnosis feels good until it starts being ignored, again. And then the thought passed and that was all. Deep breathes, cool air rising from the ground.

You spent twenty-plus years stuck inside the shell of yourself, pulling on whatever mask needed to be worn. A lot of the time the plastic behind them stuck to each other and creaked like sharp rocks screeching against glass. You wore so many masks all the time. The shoulders of the character were always the same though; staunched upwards and perpetually flexed.

The breeze of wind feels like Texas summers against the back of your neck. The warmth of the breeze furthering the condensation below your eyes and above your cheeks. You’re not in Texas anymore- although sometimes it feels like it with him. These memories were happy. They feel like resurfacing-s of something, someone. You. Little you.

This was your diary, the swing on the back porch of y’alls house, halfway on the concrete and hallway into the world. Big Dipper to the right, always. Joel usually to the left, neck bent backwards laying against the swing as his long legs gently pushed off the warm and resting ground. He had one hand over his stomach, resting, the other pointing in front of both of your eyes towards whichever constellations he’s telling you stories about tonight. Poetry, him.

He noticed your hesitation, holding the water bottle to your chest and quickly drinking it instead of taking the joint out of it’s tube. The fact that something so calming to your psyche should make you feel so guilty? “You know you’re not in trouble, sweet thing. I can go inside if ya’wanna be alone.” He started getting up and you chuckled at him, lovingly.

“I know.”

Unspoken but perfectly clear. He settled back, put one of his fingers around the top of the container and popped it open, taking out the Barbie pink lighter you had hid in there a couple weeks ago, too. He handed it to you, watched your lips as you rested it between them and then the lighter flickered against his warm skin. You breathed in the fire and slowly exhaled all of the bullshit stuck inside of you back out into the world, off to dissipate before your eyes.

“You’re okay here, baby. I got ya, rest some,” he paused, his eyes meeting yours, making sure you’re paying attention to his words of care, “okay?” He nods.

“Okay.” You nod back. Not even followed by an ‘I’m sorry’ on your part. You didn’t have to be sorry around Joel. You just had to be you, and it turns out that she’s still in there somewhere, and she feels like she’s clawing her way out of you. Will be she 9 or 17? Probably anything but 25.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .• ♡

This is utterly and completely written for myself. I’m trying to write and get things out so they aren’t sitting in my chest, ya know? (I am so okay! Just growing ((that frontal lobe y’all, they weren’t kidding))). I’m really happy I feel like writing about it, it’s easier to conceptualize my feelings and recognize them as important and real when I write them like this.

It’s Apple Friter btw (flower strain). Hehe.

I did live in Texas for a long time. Sometimes I wonder if my Joel talking in a Texas accent sounds too much like Joel talking in an actual Texas accent/way and it looks obnoxious. Lol. But I’m thinkin’ of how all those old men talk, every time I write his voice HAHA.

Love you. And you. And I hope you sleep so well.

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muffinrecord · 10 months

Note

I keep reading that Himena is mentally ill, but I don’t know enough about her to actually see that. How does… her mental thing come across like that? I don’t know how to ask this.

I don't know enough about Himena to really give an answer on this-- I have a basic, broad understanding but not enough to go into true depth.

I can't point to a specific mental illness or even confirm that she actually has one, but I think one can absolutely read her as having one the same way you can for someone like Juri.

Her thing is that her boyfriend, Hiko, committed suicide after intense bullying-- it was partially based on their relationship because the two were so different (it was like a Romeo and Juliet thing, sort of?). If I recall correctly, Hiko did not want to be saved. Himena therefor made this her wish after his death: “Make it so that Hiko and I can be together within me.”

Now Hiko lives inside her head as a voice that only she can hear. It's confirmed through Kanagi (again, if I recall this correctly) that he does actually exist in there.

Of course, this means that very few people who aren't magical girls with knowledge of wishes and magic are not going to believe her. And this really frustrates and hurts Himena in return. Her reality is questioned and disbelieved. People don't try to understand her. She feels like her love is not allowed and she wants to change that. She also wants to support her new friends that seem to be suffering quite a bit.

Just based on the little I've seen of her, I do wonder if she has something else going on beyond the possible symbolism of having a dead boyfriend's voice inside her head. She takes rejection very personally and seems to be hurt by it more deeply than others, she seems to swing between emotions quickly, and she's got some interesting internal logic going on regarding morality and such.

How much of that is thanks to the trauma of her boyfriend committing suicide and then the subsequent consequence of having him inside her head, her age, and to an actual mental illness is up for debate. Also, I'm not sure what kind of guy Hiko was/is. It's possible he's a negative influence in there just as much as he can be a comforting one.

The way that Himena reacts to people around her, particularly her mom, can also feel very real and symbolic in terms of mental illness. I think it can be absolutely argued that one reason she takes some of her worst actions is a lack of support and love around her. Obviously the bullying was bad, but the lack of attempt at understanding and compassion hurt her too. "Hurt people hurt people" and all that.

As for how it comes across... this is arguable, but this is my personal opinion for what little I know. I don't think that Himena is a bad person or portrayed as such (VERY DEBATEABLE IN THE FANDOM). I think she went through something horribly traumatic and then found support in a very bad way-- I'm not just talking about Hiko living in her head rent-free, but also her new "friends" (aka Neo-Magius) that give her motivation to push herself to massive extremes. It's notable that Himena is only fourteen years old too. I think a lot of her actions can be explained as a consequence of giving a young teenager too much power, too much responsibility, and not reconciling their traumas-- couple that with no oversight and I'm not surprised that things ended up as bad as they did.

Again, I don't know too much about her beyond vague summaries and what I've seen in events. So take it all with a grain of salt.

(Neo-magius isn't really my thing, they're easily my least favorite faction, so them and their characters aren't my wheelhouse.)

Other folks, please feel free to correct me if I got something wrong, or chime in with your own opinion!

#Magia Record #Himena Aika #cw: sucide #Ask Muffin

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