#like maybe even on discord?? wouldn’t that be insane. want to do a video call with my friends i miss you guys
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This hiatus has been fucking insane. It’s been about 3 months, which honestly isn’t that long when it comes to waiting for new seasons of TV series to be released, but there have been so many fucking leaks/teases and I genuinely can’t tell if it’s normal or not. Like, I don’t really watch a lot of tv, and I’m incredibly hyperfixated on WWDITS, so it’s possible that this is standard and I’m just not used to it, but even then, this poor fandom has been on FIRE. So I decided to rank the flames by how much money Harvey Guillén owes me for emotional damages (even if he’s only directly responsible for two of these I’m still sending him the bill)
Everything on this list is only going to be things that happened after the end of season 3, not everything that we know about season 4. Also, there’s probably a few things that I missed, but I’m assuming that if I missed it, it probably wasn’t big enough to be on the list. I’ll include relevant links or pictures so that if you haven’t heard of something here, it’ll be easy to figure it out. Shout out to @ineffably-human in particular, since I ended up linking a lot of their posts, either because they posted whole transcripts or because they were more active than I was around the time of a big event.
Is it bold to rank all of these as if the hiatus isn’t over and there isn’t a possibility of more leaks? Yeah. I don’t know what I’ll do if we get more information, and I’m worried that if I say “this is probably it” that we’ll get even crazier information tomorrow, but I guess if that happens, I’ll just make a quick edit to put whatever weird thing happens in the ranking and reblog to let people know that I updated it. I’m mostly just making this now to cope with everything that’s happened since October and hopefully organize everything in a way that’s helpful to anyone who wants a little glimpse at what it was like to be in this fucking fandom for the past few months
Edit: hey guess what guys there’s another leak and now I have to fucking update this to say that there’s another leak. I was mostly joking when I was like “oh haha maybe we’ll get some crazier information” because surely that wouldn’t happen, surely that’s not possible, but no, it is very possible. I’m slightly more sane about it now that my brain is also hyperfixated on Our Flag Means Death and I’m capable of thinking about something besides WWDITS but season 4 is going to kill me
Anyway, spoilers ahead
10. Pipes and a new drywall
I’m not sure how many people actually know about this one, it doesn’t reveal much of anything, but I wanted to include it since it was a part of the whole Vimeo fiasco
9. Pretzel Guy
Out of all the leaks, this is the one we have the most information about in terms of it being an actual video with Kayvan Novak as Nandor dry humping a pretzel. Some people have pointed out that pretzel guy is probably Freddie, which I agree with, but this leak just didn’t really keep me up at night in the way others have.
8. “Season 4 ends on a cliffhanger”
This one is pretty basic, it was just Harvey on his Instagram story at 3 am talking about how they finished filming season 4 and that it ends on what he calls a “huge cliffhanger”. Great. Thanks. We really needed another one of those.
7. Colin Robinson goes to private school
This one is hilarious, or at least has the potential to be hilarious. Watching vampires try to enroll their…weird egg child into a private school is objectively funny, and it also shows that they do care about him socializing and having a good education. Also Sean is there and Sean is amazing
6. Richie Suck and Tom
Yes, I am going to be completely normal about this other vampire/familiar duo who have a strong relationship. I’m not losing my mind over how the vampire insists that his familiar should be treated with respect, and how he “protects me from myself”. This is fine. Absolutely no parallels to Nandor and Guillermo. At all. I will not stay up late thinking about Richie Suck or his bad stand up. Or how “Richie” is short for “Richard”, and it can also be shortened to “Dick”, meaning that the writers effectively named this character “Dick Suck”. Nope. That would be ridiculous.
5. Reacher interview (one year time skip)
You know, I’d call Harvey insane for this, as well as everything else he’s done over the course of my time in this fandom, but if I also had the ability to make people on the internet immediately go apeshit, I would absolutely abuse it
4. Al Roberts Spotlight profile
Personally, I had already started to come to terms with the Freddie leak by the time it was confirmed to be true, so this didn’t torment me quite as much as it seemed to torment others, but it did confirm that all the emotions I felt were not for nothing with the added bonus of giving weight to people’s theories that Freddie is the pretzel guy, so it absolutely deserves a place high up on the list.
3. The Hug™️
Remember when this was it? Remember when everyone was freaking out about Guillermo in a leather jacket giving Nandor a hug and that was it? We all just collectively made fun of Kayvan Novak for posting that picture and then deleting it shortly afterwards as if that wouldn’t give people the idea that they had seen something they weren’t supposed to? Yeah.
Anyway, this started my descent into madness, I think about it every time I wear MY leather jacket
2. Freddie
I remember when this happened. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was scrolling through tumblr while I was at work, got hit with a rush, and then checked my phone about an hour later only to find people collectively going fucking insane. I was stuck for the next 45 minutes only reading what people were saying about the leak (which was usually unintelligible freaking out) because there wasn’t a transcript I could find and I wasn’t able to listen to the audio until I got back to my car and literally played it on my car speakers before I actually left to go home. I don’t think the audio exists anymore, but the transcripts still do.
I don’t think the fandom has been quite the same ever since this happened. There’s a reason why a majority of the leaks on this list are at least tangentially related to Freddie. Seriously, imagine being the actor who accidentally leaked their audition tape and watching everyone go fucking insane as a result. Imagine knowing just how much of an impact you had on a relatively small group of people
I’m honestly surprised that I haven’t seen any fanfics with Freddie as a character though, at least on ao3. I sort of expected to see a bunch of fanfic writers immediately post Greddie one shots or something, but all I’ve found are people talking about how Freddie is probably gonna steal all the vampire’s priceless artifacts because he’s British (derogatory)
1. Dick Genies
Wow. Fucking wow. I’m losing my fucking mind over this. I thought Freddie was bad but all that was is “oh look Guillermo has a boyfriend now” which is nice and all but like… please read the transcript because I cannot possibly sum up everything in a way that makes me sound normal. Again, thanks to @ineffably-human for summing everything up in their post.
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits fx#wwdits spoilers#guillermo de la cruz#wwdits season 4#wwdits s4#wwdits leaks#wwdits leak#nandor the relentless#laszlo cravensworth#nadja of antipaxos#freddie wwdits
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PURE [3] - Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader
A/N: Over 1 thousand notes. You guys are insane. I can’t see any other explanation.
Thank you so much for all the love and support under the previous parts, all those comments just absolutely made my day! I would never expect this story to receive such a positive feedback, which I’m extremely grateful for!
Anyway, I decided to add some additional plot to this story - mainly, the sudden criticism and hate directed on Y/N after the last Among Us stream. I thought it would make things more interesting.
That being said, I hope you enjoy the third part ^^
part 1
part 2
part 4
part 5
PURE [3]
Y/N stared at her phone screen, reading through the latest tweets of her friends inviting their fans to watch their streams. It was Thursday evening and just as it was planned, everyone was getting ready for another game of Among Us. Just as she would do if it wasn’t for all those comments...
The last stream caused sudden, unexpected amounts of attention on her social media. She probably shouldn’t be that surprised by it, given the fact that by appearing in Sean’s and Felix’s videos she wasn’t all that strange to their fans. But people who watched Rae, Toast, or Corpse’s streams didn’t know her. And apparently, some of them weren’t that happy to see a new face among the group of well-known gamers.
She always tried to avoid the unnecessary spotlight as much as she could, preferring to stay hidden somewhere behind other, much more popular streamers. And it never bothered her. She was never one to enjoy too much attention anyway.
That’s why when she discovered how upset, or even angry, some people were when she played with all those famous streamers, she was quite shocked, to say the least.
Like all those comments under Poki’s tweet, in which she mentioned who’s gonna be playing this time...
“Duh, why’s that Y/N chick supposed to play with them again? There are at least hundreds of other, much more popular streamers I can think of who would be better than her.”
“Who the fuck is she anyway? Why’s she there?”
“lmao, some random girl who got lucky enough to know jacksepticeye. Don’t get why she’s playing with them though.”
“NOT HER AGAIN. I SWEAR TO GOD SHE WAS SO FUCKING ANNOYING LAST TIME”
Sure, she wasn’t as famous as Felix, or Sean, or Rae, or anyone else for that matter. Her audience wasn’t very small, but it was nothing compared to the number of fans other YouTubers had. It was understandable that most people didn’t know who she was, and didn’t understand why she was there in the first place.
She was, in fact, just some random girl who was lucky to have Sean as her friend. But in a group of such great and well-known streamers, she definitely stood out like a sore thumb.
Y/N almost jumped in her seat when her phone beeped with a new message, Sean’s nickname showing up at the top of her screen.
Jackaboy: We’re starting in a few kiddo
Jackaboy: But join the call now so we can both make fun of Felix
After the last game, she was so excited and couldn’t wait for this evening. She looked forward to cooperating with Sykkuno again, to arguing with Toast, to laughing with Sean and Felix, to murdering other people with Corpse... Yet now, all this excitement seemed to vanish just like the mood to play, let alone talk with other people. They would surely see right through her and try to make her spill the beans, which would ruin the stream. And the last thing she wanted was to ruin their game.
Jackaboy: You there Y/N??
She sighed, thinking of some believable excuse that wouldn’t arouse suspicion, but her mind was flooded with all those comments and DMs she received over those past days, which expressed nothing but hatred towards her.
Y/N: I’m really sorry Sean, but I don’t think I will be joining you today... I don’t feel very well.
She waited for Sean’s reply impatiently, expecting him to send her some angry emoji or tell her to move her ass and join the discord call. What she didn’t expect though, was that he would facetime her.
Her first instinct was to throw her phone across the room as if it would make Sean stop calling. He wouldn’t stop unless she’d tell him the truth.
So she cleared her throat and plastered the widest smile on her face, before answering his call.
“Alright, what is going on?” Sean asked right away, staring at her with his brows furrowed. He wasn’t in his recording room, but in his kitchen, which meant that he left his stream to call her. “And please don’t tell me you’re sick cause I won’t believe it anyway. And neither will Pewds.”
“I’m tired, Sean... I was working late again and I really need to rest.” she lied, trying to keep her voice steady and calm. She really didn’t want Sean to interrogate her now, not when his fans were waiting for him. “I’m sure you’ll find someone else though. Please tell the guys that I’m sorry”
“Y/N, c’mon, cut this bullshit. What’s wrong?” he asked softly, moving his phone closer to his face. “You know you’re a terrible liar, just tell me what happened. If you don’t wanna play then neither do I.”
“Sean, please don’t do it” she shook her head with a sigh. “Your fans are waiting for you, I’ll be fine.”
“Well they’re waiting for you too you dummy, I already promised them you’ll be playing with us tonight” he stated matter of factly, rolling his eyes. Y/N remained silent for a moment, and Sean suddenly furrowed his brows, narrowing his eyes at her in a suspicious look. “Did someone tell you something rude last time we played? Who and what?”
“What? No, Sean, oh my God. Everyone was super nice, it has nothing to do with the last stream... not with you guys, at least.” she mumbled under her breath, dropping her eyes from Sean’s confused face.
“What do you mean not with you guys? Y/N, what the hell happened?” he demanded, slowly getting more and more worried. She wouldn’t tell him though, too scared that Sean would just laugh it off, even though he also sometimes had problems with dealing with hate. And just as if he was reading her mind, Sean sighed, his face softening in a sad smile. “You’ve read the comments, didn’t you?”
She felt so stupid for being so easily offended by comments of some random people on the Internet, that she just nodded her head meekly, still looking anywhere but at the man.
“Look kiddo... I’m not gonna tell you to get yourself together and just ignore them, cause it won’t help, and I know cause I’ve been there. Hell, I’m still there.” he chuckled to himself and continued “Anyway, you really shouldn’t be worrying yourself about people who don’t even know you. They don’t know you, Y/N, why would some complete stranger’s opinion matter to you?”
“They said I shouldn’t be playing with you guys... that I’m nothing but a burden and you should be playing with someone who’s at least recognizable.”
“Well excuse me Miss, last time I checked I could choose who the fuck I want to play with.” Sean scoffed, clearly irritated by such comments “You’re one of my best friends Y/N and I don’t give a fuck what some haters say. And neither should you.”
“Maybe you should just invite someone else... It would make everyone happy.” she muttered almost inaudibly, but Sean almost barked at her when he heard her words.
“I told you to cut that bullshit, Y/N! Everyone couldn’t wait for this game and now you wanna back out? C’mon, kid. Do you have any idea how heartbroken Sykkuno’s gonna be? When you left so quickly last time, he kept complaining that he has no one to team up with.” she couldn’t help but smile at that, letting out a tiny giggle. “And Corpse? Have you even seen his last tweet?”
“What? No, I- I don’t follow him...” she said, wondering what Sean was talking about. She quickly searched for Corpse on Twitter, still being on facetime with Sean, and her heart almost dropped when she saw the last tweet.
@.Corpse_Husband Really excited for tonight’s Among Us stream, 8PM PST.
Jacksepticeye
Valkyrae
Pewdiepie
Pokimane
Sykkuno
Disguised Toast
Logic
Mr Beast
and, hopefully, my partner in crime - Little Y/N
:)
She stared at the screen with her eyes widened, and her lips corners curling up in a small, bashful smile. It was so nice of Corpse to mention her as well, especially with the nickname that he seemed to like so much since their last game.
“God, if you could see yourself right now. How’s it that my pep talk didn’t do shit, but Corpse’s tweet magically made you smile, ugh.” Sean reminded her of his presence, and she quickly returned to the call, trying to somehow control her burning cheeks.
“It’s not like that, Sean, I really appreciate that you’re trying to cheer me up... I just didn’t expect your friends to like me...” she admitted quietly, and if Sean could, he would probably strangle her at that moment.
“I JUST TOLD YOU THAT SYKKUNO KEPT BUGGING ME ABOUT YOU FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS. YOU THINK HE WOULD TALK ABOUT YOU IF HE DIDN’T LIKE YOU?!”
“I just... what if they’re just being nice, but they don’t actually want me to play with them?”
“I’m done.” Sean groaned, shaking his head furiously. “Alright, here’s what you’re gonna do. You stay away from your phone, join the discord call, say hi to everyone, and we’re all gonna have fun, okay? If not, Pewds is gonna murder you, cause he was already growing impatient even before I called you.”
“I’m still not sure if that’s a good idea, Sean...”
“But I am sure, Y/N! Now come on, we’re playing in five. I’m telling everyone you’re joining as well.”
And before she could even reply, he hung up. Y/N groaned, rushing to her computer to turn it on. Now it would just be plain rude not to join the game, especially after Sean wasted his time talking with her, while he should be talking to his fans. Just as he suggested, she kept her phone far away from her desk, deciding to stay away from Twitter and all those comments for a bit. Maybe it would help her clear her mind and at least try to have some fun.
An invite to the group call was already waiting for her, along with a message from Sean with a code to the game. Y/N put her headphones on before joining the call and quickly typing in the code.
“... so let me repeat myself. I ALWAYS sound guilty, no matter what. Please, guys, don’t vote me out!”
Y/N shook her head with a smile on her lips when the first thing she heard after joining the call was Felix’s pleading voice. Clearly, he was already trying to save his own ass even before the game began.
Y/N could hear Sean’s loud voice as he commented on Felix’s plea with some snarky remark, later also catching the sounds of Rae’s laughter. Everyone was already there, they’ve been clearly waiting for her to join.
“Hey, look who’s finally here! Hi Y/N!” Poki noticed her presence first.
“Hello everyone” Y/N said, as shy and quiet as usual.
“Oh, Y/N! It’s so great to see you again, I was worried you weren’t joining us tonight” Sykkuno said, a pout clear in his voice.
“WELL ABOUT DAMN TIME” Felix all but yelled, making her roll her eyes with a smile. “What did I tell you about being late?!”
“Give her a break Felix, her mic wasn’t working again... Luckily, I was there to save the damsel in distress” Sean said, and even though she couldn’t see him, Y/N was almost certain that he was smirking.
“Yeah, I’m really sorry guys to have kept you waiting so long...” Y/N said, feeling genuinely bad. Maybe Sean was right after all? They could have just invited someone else, and yet they decided to wait for her.
“It’s okay, you’re here now and it’s all that matters” a deep voice sounded out, and whether she liked it or not, Y/N grinned like an idiot with a blush rising up her cheeks.
“Shit, here we go again...” Felix sighed, making everyone else laugh. Y/N bit at her lower lip, feeling her heart thump in her chest as she felt a sudden wave of courage, deciding to speak up despite her initial shyness:
“Well... I couldn’t just leave my partner in crime alone, right?” she asked, and she could swear she heard Corpse stutter as if he completely didn’t expect her to say that.
“Ah yes, after all, killing wouldn’t be the same without her, right Corpse?” Toast teased, repeating Corpse’s words from the last stream. Everyone in the call laughed, Y/N included. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, even though just mere minutes ago she was on the verge of crying. “It’s good to have you here, Y/N/N. Maybe I’ll actually get a chance to finally kill you this time.”
“Jesus Christ, Toast. You sound like a psychopath. Hey, I’m happy you’re here, lemme stab you in the back, please?” someone whose nickname was MrBeast spoke up with a chuckle, before directing his next words to Y/N “I believe we haven’t played together before, I’m Mr Beast, it’s really nice to meet you Y/N”
“Yeah, pleased to meet you!” another player, Logic, spoke up “I also didn’t have a chance to play with you yet, but I’ve seen Sean’s last stream... Let me just say, that Toast murder was absolutely perfect!”
“Wow. And here I almost managed to block it out. I’m fucking traumatized Y/N, you should be ashamed of yourself” Toast scoffed over Felix’s laughter.
“You should be proud of yourself!” Sean interfered “Just so you know lads, Y/N may seem like a little angel, but she’s a little demon. You’ve been warned.”
“Yeah, she’ll charm you with her voice only to snap your neck next second.” Felix scoffed.
“Just like she did with Corpse!”
“Charm?!” Y/N gasped, her cheeks burning.
“I don’t recall Y/N killing me...” Corpse said in his low voice.
“I love how that’s the only thing he denied” Poki pointed out in a teasing voice, which only made Y/N sink further into her chair.
“Can we please start the game now?” she asked in a pleading voice, hoping that everyone would stop making fun of Corpse and her. She could only imagine how uncomfortable he felt, for some reason being the target of their jokes... They must’ve made him feel awkward, right?
“Jack, did you tell Y/N how we’re playing tonight?” Sykkuno asked, and she sighed in relief that they dropped the jokes.
“Oh, right! So there’s this mod called proximity chat, where we’re able to hear each other as we pass by another person, and it seems quite fun so that’s what we decided to try out tonight.” Sean explained to Y/N, and before she could ask another question, he added “I’ve just sent you the link, it’ll take a minute to install it.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you Sean” Y/N said, before downloading the mod and quickly installing it. When everything was set and ready, she pulled up Among Us again and typed in the code, and the game finally began.
“Woah”
“Holy shit!”
“Guys this is so cool!” Sykkuno exclaimed, his voice so happy and excited that Y/N couldn’t help but giggle.
“Okay, I’m scared now. I feel like encounters with Imposter are just gonna be perfectly cut screams” Felix chuckled, as they left the dropship and moved down the map. That’s when Y/N gasped in surprise, upon seeing the locations completely different than those she was used to.
“Wait- is that a different map?” she asked through her mic, hearing Toast’s distanced, devilish laugh. There was only Rae and Sykkuno beside her, as everyone else have already split up to do their tasks.
“Oh yeah, that’s Polus, it’s much more fun than the one we were playing in last time.” Rae explained happily and Y/N groaned. She didn’t know that map.
“Great. I don’t even know how am I supposed to do tasks in here...”
“Oh, it’s not that hard. They’re in most cases similar to those you already know, they only look a little bit different.” Sykkuno said in his kind voice, before asking “Do you want to team up again, Y/N?”
“I thought you would never ask Sykkuno” Rae chuckled under her breath.
“Yeah, that would be great! I need someone to show me around” she smiled. The trio finally moved from their spot beside the dropship and went to the left where, as Y/N later realized, was electrical. She quickly did her task in there, being under the watchful eyes of both Sykkuno and Rae.
Before the latter could do his own task, the first body was reported.
“The body is in the lab” Felix said, and Y/N couldn’t help but smirk as she saw that it was Toast who was murdered first. One less person to accuse her or try to frame her, if he was the Imposter.
“I just ran towards the lab from the left side, I only saw Poki on my way there” Corpse said right away, and the accused girl was quick to try and defend herself:
“Okay, I wasn’t in the lab, I was doing that engines task which is next to the lab.”
“Did you see someone else there?” Jack questioned.
“Nope, just me and the engines.”
“Okay. Sykkuno, where are you?” the lime astronaut was next on Jack’s list of suspects, which made Sykkuno groan.
“Why do you sound so suspicious right away?” he asked in disbelief, causing the rest to giggle “I was with Y/N and Rae all this time, we were all doing our tasks in electrical.”
“Is that true Y/N?”
“Yes Sean, that is true” she rolled her eyes with a laugh “I don’t even know this map, I have to stick with someone so I don’t end up like Toast.”
“Alright, what about rest? Logic? I think I saw you in admin but then you disappeared somewhere.” Felix said.
“Yeah I’m with Mr Beast in the office”
“That’s right” Mr Beast confirmed, which didn’t bring anything new to the investigation, so everyone decided to skip.
“Wo- Okay where are we now?” Y/N asked in surprise, when the new round began in some completely new place Sykkuno didn’t manage to show her yet. She could hear as Corpse laughed at her shocked voice, which made her smile widely.
“Yeah, I’m also not used to this new map yet” he admitted, his black astronaut walking up to her white one “Hey, wanna see something cool?”
“Sure!”
-
*Meanwhile Sykkuno*
“Okay this is bad guys, we lost Y/N” Sykkuno said to his mic, running around the map to find the girl he was earlier teamed up with. “I thought she followed us when the new round began, but she must’ve gone the other way... What if she’s dead already? Not good, not good...”
-
"Woah! This looks amazing! Is there some task here as well?”
“Yes, there’s temperature recording right here” Corpse said, standing by the lava pit, watching as Y/N’s character ran back and forth over the pool of lava.
“I wonder if you could jump into it. What do you think, Corpse?” she asked curiously, standing close to the edge.
“Not that I’m aware of it...” he mumbled coming closer to the edge as well “Why would you jump into it?” he asked with a half-smile on his face.
“So Felix can’t stab me in the back.” she whispered, even though there was no one around them.
“You think it’s him?” Corpse mirrored her voice, and she hummed in response “Why?”
“He’s constantly suspicious of everyone, last time we played he also kept interrogating us all, without even telling his own location.” she stated as if it was very obvious. Corpse couldn’t help but let out a laugh “What? Why are you laughing at me?”
“Not at you, Y/N. I’m just impressed by your investigation skills” he admitted “In that case, we better both jump in. Felix likes to frame other people.”
“You wanna jump into the lava with me?”
“Sure I do.”
“There you are!” Sykkuno’s lime astronaut came out of nowhere, followed by Mr Beast. Two of them walked up to Y/N and Corpse, and before the latter could even say anything, Mr Beast snapped Y/N’s neck.
“WAIT, NO-”
“OH GOD, OH GOD” Sykkuno yelled in panic.
“KILL HIM CORPSE” Mr Beast screamed, frantically running around.
-
“What the heck?” Y/N stared at her screen in shock, her dead body laying over the lava pit. Mr Beast had already fled to the left, leaving her, Sykkuno and Corpse standing between two of them. None of them said anything for a moment before the black astronaut finally spoke up.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N” he kept repeating, regret clear in his voice. “And Sykkuno, I- I can’t even express how-”
He was cut off by Felix’s scream, who reported the bodies before Corpse could kill him as well.
“IT’S CORPSE ALRIGHT” Felix yelled right away “HE’S STANDING OVER Y/N AND SYKKUNO, HE HAS THEIR BLOOD ON HIS HANDS”
“That is- I did not kill them” Corpse replied, calm as ever, as opposed to his frantic apologies.
“Then why were you standing there?! Without reporting the bodies?!”
“I was... mourning their death.” he replied, which caused the whole group to burst out laughing. “Seriously guys, you think I would murder Sykkuno? And Y/N? I would never even think of hurting them.”
“The simp is strong, we get it, but it doesn’t really save your situation” Rae laughed.
“Let’s kick him out guys, he can’t even defend himself” Sean chuckled, and everyone else didn’t need to be told twice. Soon enough, Y/N watched as Corpse’s black astronaut was thrown into the lava pit... Oh, the irony...
The game continued with her wandering around the map, doing the rest of her tasks to at least support somehow her fellow crewmates. She stumbled upon Corpse’s ghost at some point and laughed wholeheartedly when he started circling her little character in something she read as an attempt to apologize.
A little while later another body was reported, this time it was Felix who lost his life. Y/N didn’t really focus on the conversation this time, glancing at her phone instead. There was this urge to reach for it and check how people reacted to her joining the game, but she kept repeating Sean’s words in her head. There was no point in worrying about the opinion of somebody who doesn’t even know her... or at least that’s what she tried to convince herself to think.
Her attention was brought back to the game when she heard the sound of a new message from someone who was also dead. She clicked on the chat, seeing that it was one of the Impostors.
Corpse: :(
Corpse: I’m sorry
Y/N thought it was sweet of him to apologize for it, even though it was his main goal to murder everyone after all. She believed he was genuinely sorry for it, just like she was each time she was an Impostor and had to kill somebody.
Sykkuno: Welcome to the afterlife, Corpse!
She laughed at Sykkuno’s constant happiness, which was evident even in his messages, before typing one as well:
Y/N: We’re all corpse here
Sykkuno: Oh, so it means we’re all really cool then ^^
Y/N: Fair point
Corpse: See Y/N
Corpse: I told you I would jump into the lava for you
Y/N: You didn’t exactly jump...
Corpse: :(
Y/N: But let’s say it counts as well :)
Corpse: :)
Before they knew, the voting ended. Mr Beast was thrown into the lava, which ultimately lead to the victory of crewmates. Y/N cheered happily, when the blue sign appeared on her screen, right above everyone else who was innocent.
“Yaaay, the first time I wasn’t killed in the first game!” Sean announced enthusiastically, his astronaut running around the dropship.
“Yeah, and the first time it went so fast...”
“Right? Corpse, I’m disappointed in you. What happened to the King of Impostors?” Rae asked.
“Well.. no matter how good you are, you can’t always win, right?” Corpse replied calmly.
“Hmm, you seemed kinda absent-minded during the game, though...” Poki suggested with a smirk hiding in her voice, and Rae was very quick to pick on it.
“Oh, you’ve noticed that too? Almost as if he was distracted by something”
“I don’t know what are you talking about” he chuckled nervously, and Y/N just sat in her chair confused about what was going on. “Anyway, who’s up for another round?”
“Yeah, I have an idea” Sean said, effectively shutting everyone up “What if we play something along the lines of hide and seek? Let’s have one impostor, and everyone else needs to get their tasks done before he finds them.”
“That is...” Felix took in a dramatic breath “THE BEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD ABOUT”
“Yeah, I think it will be fun” Sykkuno replied.
“It sounds really cool, but let’s maybe tell who’s the impostor? I think it would be more fair” Rae suggested.
“I think it’s a good idea” Sean concluded, before changing the settings for one impostor only. Y/N waited patiently for the game to begin, and when she saw that she was a crewmate again, she sighed in relief. Only to gasp in a panic a second later...
“It’s me.”
Everyone stumbled out of the dropship as Corpse admitted that he’s the impostor. It seemed that knowing exactly who can murder everyone made the whole game a little bit terrifying...
“I don’t know where the heck I’m going” Y/N mumbled to herself with a nervous laugh when instead of doing her tasks, she searched for the perfect place to hide. When she entered security, she spotted Mr Beast fixing the wires, so she decided to join him.
“OH SHIT- god damn it, you scared me to death!” he all but yelled when she appeared next to him, doing her tasks.
“Sorry” she giggled, quickly finishing the wires, before speeding out of the room. On her way to weapons, she stumbled across Felix’s dead body, and could hear some screaming in the background... but didn’t recognize who was murdered next.
Y/N managed to do most of her tasks without meeting Corpse, whom she hoped not to see probably for the first time since they played together. She was just leaving decontamination when she heard Sean’s panicked laughter:
“...tee, bitches love me?”
“Wrong.” Corpse’s voice almost made her squeak in surprise, only to really scream when he suddenly snapped Sean’s neck.
“Retreat, retreat!” Y/N laughed as she sped past oblivious Rae and Logic, Corpse hot on her tail. She quickly returned to the decontamination room, hoping to flee from her inevitable death, when Corpse’s black astronaut walked in, and the door closed.
“Please don’t kill me” she chuckled, even though there was no hope for her.
“Finish my lyrics, and I’ll let you live...” he began, and Y/N furrowed her brows in confusion “ I spilt wine...”
“Wait- what lyrics? You sing?” she asked, completely dumbfounded. Corpse was silent for a moment as if he didn’t understand her, before bursting out laughing “What’s so funny again? Corpse, come on!”
“Yes, Y/N, I do sing, I was actually hoping you’ve heard some of my songs...” he admitted, still chuckling to himself. She felt a blush rising up her cheeks.
“Oh- I- I didn’t, I-... but I will, okay? I’ll do it right away!” she promised, quickly jumping up to grab her phone and listen to Corpse’s song. She was genuinely shocked, she would never expect him to sing!
She unlocked her phone with a wide, somehow nervous smile on her face, which, however, dropped the moment she saw her notifications. Hundreds of notifications.
“You there, Y/N?” Corpse’s voice reached her after a moment, when she still didn’t say anything, just kept looking at her screen. “I hope my music isn’t so bad that you passed out from listening to it...”
She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, her phone gripped tightly in her shaking hands.
“Um, Y/N?” his voice became more worried now “Is everything okay?”
Y/N cleared her throat and quickly wiped her eyes, closing them for a moment to steady her breathing.
“Yeah, all good Corpse” she forced herself to smile, so her voice wouldn’t sound weird. “Look, um, I need to leave, can you tell the others bye from me?”
“Is something wrong?” Corpse asked confused.
“No, of course not!” she laughed through her tears “Something just came up and I really need to leave.”
“You sure you’re-”
“Bye Corpse. It was nice playing with you.”
-
A/N: I hope you guys are not too disappointed in me... It didn’t turn out as I initially thought it would. Isn’t it too dramatic? And is this hate plot fine? Or is it not? What do guys you think?
TAG LIST IS CLOSED!
@slytherin-chan @pillowjj @afuckingunicornn @love-and-virtues @ignooynim @crapimahuman @hannahjsworld @laugh-like-the-moon @fallengoddess772 @kingric03 @dolphinpink310 @paigeyisme @bunnychano3o @dxrtygxrl28 @z-nyx @baby-iyania @trashygeek
#corpse husband#corpse x reader#corpse husband x reader#fanfiction#youtubers#corpse husband imagine#writing#imagine
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Part Ten. Faces
warnings: swearing, hate comments
word count: 4.1k (not including pics)
behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist
ultimate masterlist
A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!
**********
It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.
The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.
But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.
Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.
Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.
-
Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.
A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.
"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.
After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.
"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."
"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"
Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."
"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"
"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."
This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.
"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.
"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"
Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"
"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.
"I seriously will kick you out of my house."
"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.
"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."
"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.
The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.
*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*
Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.
A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.
She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.
"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.
"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"
"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"
"Okay."
"Just okay? What's up?"
"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"
There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"
"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.
"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"
"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."
"Oh. Really?"
"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.
"Oh. Then why...?"
She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."
"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."
"I know."
"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."
Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?
"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."
Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.
"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."
"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."
He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"
She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"
"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."
"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"
"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."
She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."
Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.
Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.
She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.
"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.
"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.
Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."
"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."
"Can I see it when you're done?"
"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."
"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."
"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"
"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."
She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."
"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.
"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."
"Disgusting!"
A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"
Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."
"Are you talking to Bugsy?"
He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"
"Hi, Sapnap!"
"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."
"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."
A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.
"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."
"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."
"That's punishing yourself too though."
"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.
"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."
She had been caught. "It was implied."
"Sure it was."
"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"
He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.
Her smile dropped. "Clay?"
"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.
To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.
"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"
His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"
She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."
"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."
"Whatever."
"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"
"Very scary."
"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.
"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."
"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"
"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."
Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."
"Who knows if I'll actually go?"
"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."
"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."
Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.
"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."
"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.
"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.
"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.
She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.
He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"
"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"
He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."
"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"
"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"
She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.
"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.
"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???
"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.
She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.
His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.
Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.
She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"
She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."
"Aw cute, I made you blush."
"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"
"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"
"Sure you were."
"I was."
"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."
"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"
"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."
He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.
This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.
"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.
There was a long pause. "W-what?"
"Y/n."
He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."
"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."
"I would have been content never knowing."
"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.
"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."
It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.
"Bug? You okay?"
"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."
"Sorry."
"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.
He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."
"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.
"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.
"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"
He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."
She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.
"By the way, check Twitter."
"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.
"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."
She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.
"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.
Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.
"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."
"Booooo," he pouted.
"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.
"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"
She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."
Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.
"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.
"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."
"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."
"It's okay when I have people like you."
"People like me? What does that mean?"
"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.
She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."
"Goodnight."
**********
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Sapnap- face cam
Wc- 1987
Warnings- none (I think)
I've been up for almost 30 hours mainly because I was doing college homework all of last night and because my boyfriend Sapnap was streaming and being very loud which kept me up in the first place which was why I did my homework anyway. I love Sapnap to death but sometime he can be a little annoying but I put up with it.
Sapnap only got into bed at 4am and he's still asleep now at 11pm meanwhile since then I've finished a big essay, cleaned the apartment, done another essay and then made breakfast for myself which I'm eating now. I wish I could be this productive when I've had sleep but somehow it never works like that.
Eventually Sapnap came downstairs sauntering because he was still sleepy, some of us wish. He walked right over giving me a hug from behind as I washed some dishes and gave me a kiss on my cheek.
"Morning babe you alright?" He asked
"Yeah I'm good a little tired but I'll live" I replied
"Just to let you know I'll be streaming later" he said
He always tells me when he's streaming because his fans don't know about us and he doesn't want to accidentally reveal anything to protect me which is cute but it gets hard when he streams for hours on end and I need help with something. Sapnap is good about to it though if I really need help I either text him or message him on discord and he'll help but he sometimes doesn't read his messages.
I gave him some of what I made for breakfast and he sat down to eat it while I talked at him about college work that he pretends to care about. He's very supportive of all my college work and he'll let me get on with things if I have to but he will also talk about things with me if I want to. Thats one of the best things about Sapnap is his ability to adapt to how I'm feeling at any given moment and I like to think I'm at least ok at doing the same for him.
After breakfast Sapnap cleaned the rest of the dishes and let me take a shower which was nice and relaxing and woke me up a little bit as the cold water at the start hit my back, usually I would not be under the water as it warmed up but today I felt like I needed a shock to my system to get it going for another day. I had more homework and a lecture to do today so there was no chance for a nap until the evening when it's kind of pointless anyway.
After my shower I got dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt because it was comfy for sitting down all day in. Sapnap had got my laptop ready for me and had got me a glass for water which was sweet of him. My lecture was in about 2 minutes so I logged onto the class ready for it to start, when it did I put my headphones on so that Sapnap didn't have to listen to my teacher going on about whatever we were doing today, he always says he doesn't care but even I don't want to listen to it sometimes so there is no way he does.
As I tapped away making notes Sapnap put his hand on my knee rubbing his thumb in circles comfortingly. He does this all the time whether its sat on the sofa like right now or while we're driving somewhere but its safe to say that I love it, it lets me know he's there in a weird way it's like he's acknowledging my presence. At one point he got up and went to the kitchen and when he came back he had my favourite snack which he put between us so that we could share. What a lovely boyfriend he's being today, I'm starting to wonder what he thinks he's done that's he's trying to make up for.
My lecture finally finished after what seemed like and age so I went to get straight on with my last essay that needed submitting by the end of the month but Sapnap shut my laptop before I could get the document open, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and towards the door.
"Come on were going out for a walk" he said
"Why, I have an essay to work on" I whined
"You'll never leave the house if I don't drag you out so come on" he said handing me my shoes
I put them on and grabbed a jacket because according to the weather it was meant to be a little bit chilly out today, Sapnap grabbed the house keys and pushed me out the door onto the street. We don't often go out on walks because neither of us like leaving the house that much if we were to go out it would most likely be in the car to just go for a drive.
The two of us walked down the street holding hands and swinging them back and forth as we took steps forwards. Sapnap clearly had a good idea of where he wanted to go because he was making turns all over the place. Eventually we ended up at the target not that far from our place and we went in looking at everything like you do in target and we topped up on some snacks for a movie night soon.
We left with our snacks and Sapnap dragged me to the nearest park so we could sit outside and get a bit more fresh air. The nearest park is actually the one that we went to on one of our first dates so we have good memories there, on one of the benches by the duck pond is where we had our first kiss and many more after that.
I always love going back to that park with Sapnap because each time we reminisce on the past and talk about the future which seems to change each time we come here. We walked to the exact bench that we had our first kiss on and sat down looking at the scenery. It had changed quite a bit since the first time we were here, there used to be a little play park for kids in the distance but now thats gone and is replaced with a small flower garden instead.
The first time we came here and we talked about the future all we wanted was to still be together after we left for college which of course happened, then the next time we wanted to move in together which we did and now. I'm not really sure what the future holds for us but I'm sure it will be interesting.
"Wow its been so long since we came here we have changed so much and achieved everything that we wanted to" he said
"I know its so weird to think that our last goal was to move in together and now we have been living together for 5 months where do you think we will end up in the future?" I asked
"On man I have no idea but I would love to still be living together and maybe in a bigger place and maybe even be engaged" he said
This shocked me I never expected him to say that but I guess that is the next logical step for us to take in our relationship.
"I like the sound of that" I said
We went back home and Sapnap went to stream while I worked on my essay he didn't tell me how long he was going to stream for but it will probably be about 3 hours. So I sat down and got on with writing the last 15 pages of my essay which would probably take me the entire time he was streaming maybe longer.
My essay took me almost exactly 4 hours to do but when I tried to submit it it wouldn't upload which happens from time to time. I looked at the upload speed of the WiFi since Sapnap taught me how to do it and it was fine but I assumed that it was being used for something else. This problem has happened before when Sapnap is uploading a video so I assumed that was the issue.
It got up and walked to Sapnap’s streaming room waiting outside for a moment to double check that he wasn't still streaming, I waited a couple minutes and heard nothing so I knocked and went in.
As soon as I went in I saw that Sapnap was still streaming and his face cam was on which meant that I was now on his stream in front of however many people. I've never made such a stupid mistake especially one that outs my entire relationship, I just stood in shock not being able to move and get out of the shot. Sapnap had the exact same reaction his face was filled with shock and fear at the same time.
Nothing prepares you for the moment that you expose yourself live in front of probably 100,000 people or more who will record anything that happens. Nothing prepares you for the chaos that will ensue when you do the before mentioned thing and definitely nothing prepares you for the guilt you feel doing so.
"Um hi y/n" He said trying to make things less awkward
"Hey" I replied shyly
He motioned for me to come over because there was no point trying to hide this anymore since no one will believe anything we say now. I stood next to Sapnap luckily being short enough that I still fit in frame but he had obviously given up caring at this point because he pulled me down into his lap to sit while we talked to his chat. Again he did the thing where he rubs his thumb in a circle on my leg and this time it really was for comfort.
"Well chat this is y/n and shes my... girlfriend" he said
"Hi everyone" I said shyly
"Now chat I'm going to need you to be nice to her or I'll be angry because she is very precious to me" he said
His chat were going insane telling others to clip this and people getting way to excited about all of this and some were asking questions. The whole chat was going so incredibly fast that it was hard to read all the messages.
We answered some of the basic questions like how long we have been together and other things, people also asked if George and Dream knew which of course they did and they have made jokes about Sapnap having a girlfriend but no one ever took it too seriously. At one point dream joined the call and started mocking us for being stupid and exposing ourselves and he told some stories that he knew we wouldn't mind him saying which the chat enjoyed.
I started yawning more and more as I stayed on the stream because I wasn't keeping my mind busy my tiredness was taking over. I leant back into Sapnap to rest my head on his shoulder, he out his hand on my head running it through my hair which is very relaxing.
"Are you tired?" He asked
"No I'm fine I can stay awake" I said
"I don't want to hear it I know you've been awake for over 24 hours so you are going to sleep" he almost demanded
He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable position where I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost right away forgetting that Sapnap was still streaming but it doesn't matter.
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5 with Parkner
Also if possible Tony being stressed as heck that they met and immediately started flirting?
For the romance asks?
ah. okay so like all my old favorites that I was too scared to write? got it, how we feeling about dumbasses not using their real names
prompt: "Do you believe in love at first sight?" (from this list)
Read (Like We're Meeting) For the First Time here on ao3
~~~
“Are you excited?”
“I’m fucking terrified dude, what the hell does this even mean?”
Harley had his phone on speaker as he ran around packing a suitcase, his Discord broadcasting voice chat as loud as the tinny speakers would allow.
“It means you’re getting somewhere in the world. You should be proud.”
“I know, I know. And I totally am, don’t get me wrong, but all I’ve ever known is this tiny town. Christ, what about my mom? I’ve only ever lived with her and my sister, this is huge.”
Basically, Harley had an internship. Up until about an hour ago, that internship had been long-distance.
When he was 12, he’d proved himself to Tony Stark of all people by helping fix the Iron Man armor. Then, when he was 16, he’d been offered a position where he could learn and be mentored by the man himself. Initially, he had turned it down because he was still basically a kid, he couldn’t move to New York. Fortunately, Tony came back with an alternative: he could work from Tennessee, he would just check in via video chat every so often.
Harley was 18 now. He was taking a gap year and thinking about where he’d go to college, but legally, he was an adult, and Tony Stark was offering to relocate him to New York so he could finally get the full internship experience.
“But like, good huge right? Life changing, career altering, fan-fucking-tastic? C’mon Jay, why are you so panicky over this?”
“Because this is completely and utterly batshit fucking insane, Benji. This is…” he trailed off, at a loss for words.
“This is everything you’ve ever wanted,” Benji filled in. “It’s too good to be true.”
Then there was Benji. It’s funny how they met, but after a fight over sci-if media on Twitter had led to a truce over Doctor Who, they swapped Discords and learned that apart from disagreeing over Star Wars and Star Trek, they had pretty similar interests.
It was an interesting friendship. Neither one had seen the other’s face, and since he wasn’t on his personal account at the time, Harley had chosen to go by his middle name when he introduced himself. No need to have anybody trying to find him, even if they weren’t a creep.
Which Benji wasn’t. They might not video call, but voice calls were telling enough, and he certainly sounded close to Harley’s age. He’d heard Benji in every mood from over excited to just waking up in the morning, and he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of it.
He sighed. “Maybe that’s it. Point is, I have to get on a plane tomorrow and I have no idea how to pack to move across the country, so I’m going to let you go and actually go get my mom.”
“That’s valid. Text me when you land okay?”
“Of course, darlin’.”
His phone beeped to signal Benji hanging up, and he dug his way out of a pile of clothes to plug it in so it wouldn’t die later. He looked at his mess of a room and sighed deeply.
“Mama!”
~~~
Peter tossed his bag into the back of the car that pulled up before realizing that Happy wasn’t the one driving. “Mr. Stark?”
“Hey Underoos. Hop in.”
Tony Stark was sitting in the pickup lane of his high school, sunglasses and all.
“Not to sound ungrateful or anything, sir, but where’s Happy?”
“It’s his day off,” Tony shrugged. “Anyways, I was out running errands and figured I’d save you the trouble of taking the subway.” He leaned over and popped the passenger door open. “You coming?”
He’d had weirder days. “Sure.”
What could only be described as Dad Rock played softly from the radio, and Tony drummed on the steering wheel as he waited for the car in front of them to move. “It was your last day of school today, right?”
“Yeah. College here I come,” Peter cheered half heartedly.
“Well, you have summer vacation first. Plus college is going to be so much fun.”
“I just have to find my Colonel Rhodes,” Peter joked, remembering all the stories Tony told him about his MIT days.
“You’ve got your one friend though. Ted?”
“It’s Ned, Mr. Stark.” He checked his phone. Jay should be texting him any time now to say he landed. He didn’t want to say he was worried, but people he- he didn’t want to say loved- cared about had died on planes, and he didn’t want Jay to be added to that list.
“You okay, kiddo?” Tony asked.
“Everything’s fine,” Peter assured him. “What errands do you have to run?”
“Oh, I’m pretty much done. Mostly groceries and other boring adult stuff. We just have to stop for one more thing.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a surprise.” He slid down his glasses for dramatic effect. “Let’s just say your summer is about to get a lot more fun.”
“That’s not terrifying at all,” he grumbled. “Wake me when we get there, I’m exhausted.”
~~~
He woke up disoriented. “The hell?”
“We’re here, kiddo. There’s someone I want you to meet.” Tony climbed out of the car, and Peter followed, blinking to adjust to the harsh sunlight. He hung back a little as Tony strode forward to meet with someone.
That someone barely hit the bottom of the stairs coming out of an airplane before Tony enveloped him in a hug.
“Geez old man, you’d think you’d missed me or something,” the guy was saying, and gosh if that voice didn’t sound familiar.
“Little shit,” Tony said affectionately. “When did you get so tall? I’m putting bricks on your head when we get home.”
The guy laughed, and Peter froze. There was no way-
“Harley, I want you to meet the other intern.” He was dragging him over to meet Peter, and he considered running away.
Peter snuck a quick glance at his phone before they made it to him. Jay hadn’t texted him yet. There was still a chance it wasn’t him.
“Hey, I’m Harley,” he said, extending a hand to Peter. “Harley Keener.”
Maybe it was good he hadn’t seen the guy’s face before. He might have actually imploded.
“Peter Parker.”
Harley paused briefly. “It’s good to meet you Peter Parker,” he smiled. “Sorry, I have to text a couple people and let them know I’m on the ground, then we can do this meet and greet for real, huh?”
“Sure, man. Take your time.”
~~~
Harley texted his mom and Abbie that he made it to New York, then he opened up Discord and pulled up his thread with Benji. Peter’s voice reminded him so much of his, but the guy had been radio silent all day.
To Benji: landed safely! hope your exams went okay :)
There was no immediate reply, so he pocketed his phone and turned back to Tony and the other intern. “Sorry about that, you know families.” He noticed that Peter had pulled out his own phone.
Wait-
“It can’t be,” Peter whispered.
“No fucking way.”
“Harley!” Tony yelled, scandalized.
They ignored him. Peter looked between Harley and his phone before tapping something out on the screen.
His phone dinged.
From Benji: they went great, weird thing though, kind of ended up at the airport myself
“Holy fucking shit.”
“Oh my god. Jay?”
“Benji?”
Peter nodded, and Harley couldn’t resist running forward and pulling him into a tight hug.
“So this is what you look like in person?” The question was muffled in Peter’s shoulder.
“Could say the same about you,” Benji, no, Peter, returned.
“Always wanted to meet you in person. Thought it would go a lot different.”
Tony looked between the two of them, an expression somewhere between confusion and horror plastered on his face. “What the hell is going on here?”
They exchanged a look.
“It’s…” Harley started.
“A long story,” Peter finished. “Can’t say I was expecting this plot twist though.” He threaded his fingers through Harley’s, and he grinned.
“Amen, darlin’. What do you say you give me a tour of the city?”
“Mr. Stark can drive, but I’ll narrate,” Peter agreed.
Harley ducked into the backseat of the car, which unfortunately meant letting go of Peter’s hand. “I can work with that. We ready to go?”
Tony sighed. “So, you too have met,” he concluded as he put the car in drive.
“In a way,” Harley confirmed.
“So I guess that means I don’t have to worry about you two not getting along?”
“If he can keep Star Trek out of his mouth we won’t have any issues,” Peter laughed.
“Same goes for you and Star Wars, asshole.” Harley poked him in the side from behind, and Peter shrieked.
“Okay, okay. Boys, no fighting. At least not while I’m driving. I’m just happy you two are actually going to be friends.
“Friends, definitely. I think we can do that,” Harley winked in the mirror.
Peter turned in his seat to smile at him. “Totally.” He turned back around, and waited for a beat until he spoke again. “I mean, do you believe in love at first sight?”
Harley leaned forward to kiss Peter’s cheek, and they both fell into a fit of giggles when Tony nearly pulled over the car just to yell at them for being gross in his presence.
When he finally caught his breath, he looked at Peter with his dorky smile and rosy cheeks. This was his Benji, and god he was glad he finally got to meet him.
#parkner#harley keener x peter parker#harley keener#peter parker#fluff#fluff and humor#getting together#long distance friendships#humor#ellis writes
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My Experiences of Nonhumanity
I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.
It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.
Shifts
- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.
- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.
- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.
- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.
- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)
Homesickness
(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)
- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.
- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.
- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.
- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.
* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P
Behaviors/Instincts/Urges
- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.
- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.
- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.
- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.
- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.
- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.) Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.
- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.
- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.
- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.
- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.
- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.
- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.
- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.
Past Life Work
Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.
- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.
- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.
- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.
- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).
#think that about sums it up#otherkin#dragonkin#this got real long#long post#journaling#rani talks#feel free to reblog if you like
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Lol its fine!! Reply whenever you can ^_^
But ahh true, true. Idk why I thought it would be a hint to the music lol but a sort og an evolution of the concept so to speak. Either way, am excited for the comeback because fresh svt is always iconic. Oohhh the concept photos are all pretty and idk which one to pick jfkshfjsjd. Like they are all very on brand for them but also unique and pretty. Very artsy haha.
Ahh yes, rabbitnwas forever iconic and it was what helped other places like discord to do similar things! But ah understandable!! Both seventeen and nct (when I was getting into kpop more) always felt like BIG well known groups due to their fandoms being so big at least to me. Especially when people always recommended their songs i just assumed they have been around for a while like bts when I joined only to realize they are still rookies. Monster rookies indeed!! The fact so many people love them is enough for me to say they are amazing, well respected and loved by many. Those comments annoy me, especially when people downplay their hard work by claiming 'bighit helped them get more famous' like what!? Yes bighit did help with getting more western attention per se but like downplaying as if they haven't achieved anything at all is confusing to me. Claiming how streaming fans aren't doing s good job to which im like one, mass streaming isn't healthy and two, fans who do try their best and we do beat records of our own. Seventeen isn't unpopular, just because they aren't you know who level doesn't mean they aren't big like do people forget what unpopular means?
Anywhoo, a day late but happy late birthday to our tiger King. May he forever rule the tiger land and take over the world with his tiger agenda lol.
yes! one side fits my aesthetic the best but all the concept photos were nice ^^
and yeah it is annoying but at the same time those people are so detached from reality that I'm just sort of like whatever djflgj like 'it's obvious to anyone who knows what they're talking about you're wrong so I'm not going to bother arguing w you' is sort of my mindset when i see those comments dhfkj bc if i don't think of it that way then i get angry easily. the way i see it bh/hybe definitely is helping SVT with western promotions but like. i don't think SVT/pledis would have been incapable of expanding into the western market on their own if they wanted to. but it's a given that it will be easier and faster with hybe bc they have connections and a reputation in the western market already established. honestly I'd guess that was one of pledis's main incentives for agreeing to the acquisition. but at the same time hybe and western media wouldn't give SVT the time of day if they truly were the flops some ppl try to claim they are lol
and yeah agreed, streaming culture can be super unhealthy. it's one thing to do it if you want to but at the same time don't be losing sleep over it or prioritizing it over your real life responsibilities. and definitely don't guilt trip and say a bunch of toxic things to others to get them to stream... i feel like it would be a lot healthier if fanbases just stuck to simply explaining, hey this is what streaming is and why it can be important (for like music shows etc) and here's how to do it properly if you choose to stream, and then just let people decide for themselves. there would still be people more than willing to do it, and without the guilt tripping maybe even more people would just find it enjoyable. but hey, what do i know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i also think most kpop stans underestimate how many views from from casual listeners and fans vs hardcore fans/streamers. like streaming does make a difference, but not 100M views difference like some people try to act like it does. tbh there are a lot of groups that have a smaller core fanbase than SVT but get hundreds of millions of views bc they have a lot of casual listeners. you can even see it internally too: don't wanna cry is SVTs most viewed MV by a mile, it's the only one to pass 100M views, let alone 200M. and it has nothing to do w carats streaming dwc extra hard, it's bc it's arguably SVTs most well known song outside of the fandom. i see reactors all the time who react to it and say "oh i know this song! i had no idea it was by seventeen" and you can look at the comments section and see a bunch of people saying the song has a fandom of its own/even if you're not a carat you have to know this song
kpop stans also put too much emphasis on views imo and also equate views to popularity, which on the surface might make sense but isn't always the case. actually in terms of profit, groups/companies make the vast majority of their money off of album, merch, and ticket sales than they do off of views. but those are all things that are a lot harder to "sell" than views, because they actually cost money for the consumer, while you can watch an MV for free. hence why it makes sense that there are a lot of groups with hundreds of millions of views that get relatively low album sales. it's easy to convince casual fans and and listeners to watch an MV than to get them to buy something
and I'm not trying to diss other groups at all or try to say groups that consistently get 200M+ views are flops, they're absolutely not. I'm just trying to point out that kpop stans completely underestimate the amount of casual listeners that exist
but this is why SVT is honestly such a fascinating case. their MV views are nothing to write home about, and yet they're the second highest selling k-act at the moment and are in the top 10 if not top 5 highest selling k-acts of all time, their album sales are literally insane. a lot of people chalk it up to carats being bad streamers but like i said before, streaming isn't going to make a difference of hundreds of millions of views. this indicates to me that seventeen have a bigger core fanbase (ie people who call themselves carats and actually keep track of seventeens activities) but a smaller audience of casual listeners compare to other kpop groups. and i think a lot of people, carats, and non carats alike, pick up on this in some way or another but don't realize that's what's going on and it manifests in kind of weird ways sometimes
and this fact isn't something that bothers me, i actually think it's super important more than anything for SVT to have a strong core fanbase if what they're shooting for is longevity. but i do find it strange bc as i said, groups that do better with digitals than physical sales make total sense from a consumer standpoint!! so how did SVT end up like this!! it's so interesting for me to think about. i think i would have a better idea of why this is if i had been around since debut but alas
the only thing i can come up with is that SVT is better at retaining fans or like... getting fans invested in the group so people who become carats are less likely to be multistans? bc multistans play a huge part in both being and attracting casual listeners. they're the ones making video compilations and edits and content that includes multiple kpop groups, which is how a lot of non-fans get interested in other groups. whereas if someone is just a carat and making content for SVT the people most likely to watch that content is ppl who are already carats. i know im not the only one that's noticed it's kind of rare for SVT to be included in multistan edits and videos. which i don't blame anyone for, i think most of those people genuinely just don't stan SVT and they shouldn't be expected to include a group they don't know we'll or at all. at the end of the day ppl can make what they like. but it's interesting to observe as a general trend. but idk SVT potentially having a lower percentage of multistans still isn't really an explanation for why SVT doesn't have as many casual listeners bc those things kind of just go hand in hand. like either one could be the cause of the other one if that makes sense
ANYWAY sorry for the long reply but as i said the ratio of SVTs core fanbase vs casual listeners is a topic i find endlessly fascinating dhfmfj
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I Know I’m Not The Only One
Batfam, TimKon, Fluff, Angst, hurt and Comfort, Covid-19, Isolation, Tim struggles to cope, sibling relationship
Summary: Even though his crappy immune system puts him in the high risk category of catching Covid-19, Tim refuses to sit back and do nothing.
A/N: Times at the moment are tough all around the world and I hope people are staying as safe as they can! I came up with this idea after reading a conversation on a TimKon discord group, while it doesn't match what was said, that was where the original inspiration came from.
Enjoy! :D
Despite how big the cave was, Tim could still hear what was being played on the main computer from within the changing rooms. Whoever was there, they had put on the news channel because all that was being spoken about was Covid-19. What a surprise.
Tim pauses from where he was halfway getting his suit off as he had just gotten back from patrol. Over the speakers he could hear the news lady speak about all of the new restrictions taking place, what will be changing in the next few days and what they can all expect to happen in the next week or so.
He shakes his head and tries to block it out. It’s crazy, this virus has become a world pandemic and is causing everywhere to go into chaos. Schools have shut, in some countries people aren’t even allowed on the streets, people are panic buying and completely emptying shelves and so many people are losing their jobs and income because businesses are going bust.
Tim’s seen videos online of the Italians and Spanish all playing music from their balconies, the community joining together in this moment of crises. He’s seen how celebrities and musicians are doing live videos from where they’re self-isolating at home but are trying to keep the spirit alive.
He finishes getting changed into his nightwear and starts to head out into the main part of the cave. He has a bad feeling as he walks and finds Bruce sat at the computer watching the screen with an intense gaze. On the screen it was showing the latest conference from WHO (World Health Organisation) and what they’re trying to do.
He starts heading for the stairs, figuring that Bruce is too distracted watching the screen to bid him a goodnight however he was wrong because Bruce was calling out to him before he even gets to the bottom of the staircase.
“Tim, can I talk to you for a minute.”
Tim nods and heads back over to the computer to stand before Bruce. His adoptive father puts the news on mute as he turns to face him. He looks grave and Tim’s bad feeling multiplies in his stomach. He has a feeling he knows what’s coming, as much as he doesn’t want to hear it.
“Tim, as you know right now everything is…” he trails off and flaps his hand gesturing uselessly, clearly not knowing the right word to describe the situation.
He smiles, “Yeah I know Bruce, who doesn’t at this stage? What about it?”
Bruce smiles for a second before taking on his usual grim expression, “I know that this isn’t ideal and I know it won’t be easy but as of tonight I think you should stay in until further notice.”
There they are. The words he’s been dreading since it all started. He blinks at the man as he digests them. After a moment he responds naively, refusing to back down without a fight, “What, not go out on patrol? I’m fine I can still work.”
“Tim-”
“I mean if it’s that bad I can alternate nights y’know, space it out. One night I’ll work on comms and the other I’ll do field work.”
“Tim.”
“Because you know what, I feel fine, like 100% and I couldn’t be better right now. I feel so fine and well that-”
His ramblings are cut off when Bruce clamps his hands on his shoulder’s and crouches down in front of him, “Son, I know you don’t like it, I don’t either but it’s for your own good. As much as I hate to admit it you are in the vulnerable group of getting this virus, your compromised immune system means you have less chance of fighting it else like everyone else.”
Tim swallows and closes his eyes. He could feel tears stinging in them threatening to fall. “Bruce, I can’t stay in. I can’t. I’ll go insane, I need to be doing stuff and I just can’t drop everything! What about my friends, what about WE or the Titans, what about my part of patrol or if there was an Arkham breakout? I can’t just sit back and do nothing.”
He knows he’s pleading at this point, begging Bruce to understand why he can’t isolate himself from the world until Covid-19 all blows over. He’s desperate for this to not be a reality.
His father’s hands move from his shoulder’s to cupping his face. Bruce’s thumbs start stroking his cheeks which prompts him to open his eyes up.
“I know Tim, I know. This isn’t great and I get your frustrated but it’s for the best.” The low but calm tone of voice makes Tim want to sob at the situation. It wasn’t fair! “The Manor is more than big enough to keep yourself occupied, the gym is fully equipped, we still have those training simulations to try out. As for your friends you can always facetime and call them. The situation with WE I’ve already got handled, I’ll still be going in but you can always work from home and there’s the option of calling if needed.”
Tim swallows thickly and nods, he knew all of this of course but it didn’t change the fact he didn’t want to be stuck in doors all the time.
Bruce lets him go and ruffles his hair before standing up, “Sorry bud, I know it’s not ideal but it’ll work out okay. We just have to make sure you’re safe and healthy. That’s my top priority alright.”
He doesn’t say anything but makes a humming sound in acknowledgement. He turns around and starts heading for the stairs feeling resigned and upset. He knew it had been coming but knowing and actually having to live it were different things. It wasn’t going to be easy.
Because Tim is who he is, he still tries to sneak out. It’s only been three days before his first attempt. The three days haven’t been too bad but he was beginning to get really restless and running on the treadmill can only do so much to use up his energy. He chooses a night when Bruce has a conference call and will be locked in his study for several hours, Alfred has the night off and his siblings were nowhere around to be seen.
He would just go out for a couple hours. That’s all he had planned, just go out for a run around stop a couple of crimes which were inevitably still going on despite Covid-19 threatening everyone and be back before any one knows it.
Easy peasy.
Except it wasn’t. Like his normal routine he mounts his motorbike, checks all of his equipment one last time before turning his bike on, only that it didn’t turn on. There was no rumble of the engine springing it to life or the vibrations on his thighs. He frowns and looks over it, wondering what’s wrong with it. He climbs off and bends down to inspect it when a voice calls out to him from behind.
“Yeah that's not going to work Timmy.”
Tim jumps and spins around to face his oldest brother who was wearing a shit eating grin and Tim curses himself for getting caught.
“I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sure that motorbikes need this,” he holds up a piece of his bike, “in order for it to work.”
Tim glares at him, knowing he’s lost tonight. Dick lets out a laugh and wonders over to him. He drops the piece down by the bike before throwing an arm over Tim’s shoulders to steer him away.
Dick presses a kiss to him temple, “Nice try Timmy, but it’s not happening. We had a feeling you’d try something like this. Sorry buddy but you gotta stay indoors until further notice.” Dick lets him go and pushes him towards the changing room, “Now go get dressed, once you’re done we’re going to the media room and watching Pirates of the Caribbean.”
Tim sighs and resigns himself. Maybe not this time but he will get out. He can’t stand being indoors against his own will.
“Seriously Tim, the window? How cliché is that?”
Tim freezes in his spot when a voice speaks up below him. he looks down to find Jason looking up at him with crossed arms and an amused expression on his face. Tim stays still debating about what to do, he mentally curses himself yet again for getting caught.
It’s been five days since he’s had to isolate and two since his first attempt to get outside. Maybe he should have known that trying again was too soon. From his bedroom window, Tim had climbed out of it and jumped into a nearby tree which he could climb down to the ground and be set free. However his plan was stopped when Jason appeared out of nowhere and was now watching him.
“You have two options Baby Bird, one you climb down here and we go inside together and pretend this never happened or two, you climb back up and get your ass in bed and again pretend this never happened.”
Tim stares at his brother and glares unhappily. He can’t believe he’s been caught twice now. After a moment of option weighing (and wondering if he could just make a break for it once he’s on the ground) he sighs in defeat and climbs the rest of the way down.
Tim pouts as he stands at the man’s side. Jason was grinning widely and moves, he forcibly takes the rucksack on Tim’s back off and holds it. Said bag had Tim’s spare suit and little bits of equipment in it and he knows that he won’t be seeing that again for the rest of the time Covid-19 goes on for.
“Tim we’re only doing this for your own good. Stop being dramatic about it and get on with it. People in worse conditions are also isolating you know.” Tim carries on glaring at him as they start walking back towards the Manor. “I don’t think you get the seriousness of the situation. If you catch it, you could die.”
“So what? We almost die every night anyway, what’s the difference?” Tim snaps at him. They stop in their tracks and face one another. Tim could feel his rage starting to build up, all of his emotion was starting to get to him, it hasn’t even been a week yet and he’s already breaking. “If we were doing this properly I wouldn’t even be allowed to come into contact with any of you.”
“Well for starters we all know how the pit affected my body, it’s very unlikely I can even catch it. Bruce and Dick are extremely careful on such things, as soon as they notice something out of the ordinary they’ll act accordingly and Alfred hasn’t left the Manor because he too is also in the vulnerable category.”
Tim feels guilty at hearing that, he’s acting like a spoiled brat but Alfred is in the similar boat.
“But we all know Alfred is immortal so he should be fine.” Jason’s attempt at a joke works and Tim cracks a smile but then he gets serious again. “Tim, you barely recovered from the flu last year just before Covid broke out. You just need to be careful.”
“I’m fine. And that was three months ago back in December, it’s fine.” Tim says looking at his brother.
They go silent for a moment staring at one another before Jason gets them moving once again. “Come on Timbit, lets get in doors and stick a movie on or something.”
The third time he tries to get out the house he doesn’t even make it past his bedroom door. Alfred happened to be there in the corridor with a tray of goods and was just watching him creep out of his door.
“Going somewhere Master Tim?”
Tim freezes on the spot, his hand still on the door handle from where he shut it. He shoots Alfred a sheepish smile and laughs awkwardly. “Nowhere but back in my room!”
In the end they called in the big guns. It’s been a week and Tim is more than ready to murder someone if they so much as to talk to him. He loves his family but they’re driving him literal insane at this point, he might even consider going to Arkham to be with Harley and the Joker just to get away from them.
Tim was in his room playing a game on his phone, he had been on social media but there was nothing but post after post on Covid-19 so he gave up with that and decided to play a game instead.
He was interrupted when a knock at his door happens, he continues playing the game but calls them in. The isolation hasn’t yet gotten to the point where he can’t make any contact to anyone yet but it probably won’t be long.
“Well here I was thinking you’d be happy to see me.” A familiar voice speaks up.
Tim’s head snaps up in shock and he’s surprised to find Kon standing there at his bedroom door with a shopping bag in hand grinning widely.
Tim smiles, he immediately abandons his phone and jumps up over to the meta. Kon is quick to put the bag down and catch him in a hug. Tim laughs and clings on tight when Kon moves them away from the door and back over to his bed. They fall down together and Tim relishes in the fact he’s holding Kon again.
He pulls away from the meta so he could look at his face above him, “Why are you here? I’m happy to see you of course but how come?”
Of course the pair of them have been facetiming since all of this had started but seeing his boyfriend through a mobile screen didn’t beat seeing him in person.
Kon moves so he’s leaning on his forearms above Tim, “Well with how things appear to be moving forward and of course your situation, it probably won’t be long until you have to properly self-isolate yourself. Since I’m half Kryptonian I can’t catch normal Earth diseases or viruses I won’t be any harm to be near you and face the public y’know.
So I’m basically here as you’re baby sitter until further notice. I’ll be doing your running around and what not. Though I overheard Bruce say something about potentially moving you somewhere else so you can properly isolate but I kinda stopped listening.”
Tim blinks at him for a long moment, just getting his head around the fact Kon can be here without being a risk to Tim or even anyone outside. Suddenly he feels so stupid. Of course Kon would be okay! He’s a meta human, his body doesn’t even get human illnesses, of course he gets other kinds of stuff but human things aren’t a problem.
In the end he grins and reaches up to drag Kon down for a kiss, something he’s seriously been missing. His boyfriend wastes no in settling his body fully over Tim’s as their lips slide together in a heated movements.
They break apart and Tim carries on hugging him, holding him tight, “I’m literally going insane Kon. I can’t stand being inside for much longer!” He could feel the swell of emotions rising up inside of him again, it was like seeing Kon was the final straw to what he could handle.
“All of this week has been nothing but a nightmare, I can’t do anything! I can’t go outside, I can’t go and mingle with people and I can’t go to my favourite coffee shops! I can’t go out on patrol, I can’t do missions or even help save people.
I have a constant fear that something’s going to go wrong somewhere. What happens if Bruce or Dick get a cold, will I not be allowed to see them or god heaven forbid Alfred getting ill. What if one of them gets hurts on patrol and I can’t do anything to help them because I’m not allowed to!”
Tears were streaming down his face and he was breathing rapidly. Everything he had been feeling finally coming out in a big mess.
“I can’t do it much longer! It’s only been a week and I’m fine but it’s always about the what if’s! I can’t see anyone or any of my friends!”
He’s sobbing now, burying his head into Kon’s shoulder and holding on tight. Kon, bless him, doesn’t push him away despite the mess he’s creating on his shirt. Tim feels his boyfriend move them around so they’re sat up, he feels Kon move him until he’s sat in the meta’s lap, being held and rocked like a child.
They sit there until Tim calms down, until he’s able to breathe again and get a handle of his emotions. Tim keeps his face pressed against Kon until it’s gently pried away, he’s forced to look up to find Kon looking at him softly.
“It’ll be okay Tim.” He says gently, using his thumbs to wipe away the tear marks on his cheeks, “Everything will be fine and everyone will be okay. Your whole family are fighters, they won’t let this get them down and at the moment they’re doing everything they can to protect you from getting it. I know that it seems excessive or whatever but it’ll blow over soon.”
“How long though?” Tim whines, “I can’t do this Kon. I know I’m not the only one but that doesn’t make it easier.”
“I know. But we’ll get through this. I’m staying here now for a while with you. Bart and Cassie will most likely pop around at some point too because they’re at less risk. We’ll get through this.”
Tim takes another deep breath and slumps back into Kon’s hold, allowing his boyfriend to hold him. Well if he has to endure more weeks of this at least he now gets Kon, not that it won’t make not going outside any easier to deal with but it’s a start.
The world is in chaos right now but hopefully it’ll get better soon. It’ll most likely get worse before it gets better but they’ll all get through this. Tim just has to believe that.
#Tim Drake#batfamily#dick grayson#Jason Todd#bruce wayne#Alfred Pennyworth#Kon-El#covid-19#fanfiction#sibling relationship#fluff#angst#hurt and comfort#isolation#sorry if anything is inaccurate#timkon
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A breakdown of the Revision 2020 Threeway Battle shader
Those of you who have been following this year's edition of Revision probably remember the unexpected twist in Sunday's timeline, where I was pitted in a coding "battle" against two of the best shader-coders in the world to fend for myself. Admittedly the buzz it caused caught me by surprise, but not as much as the feedback on the final shader I produced, so I hope to shed some light on how the shader works, in a way that's hopefully understandable to beginners and at least entertaining to experts, as well as providing some glimpses into my thought process along the way.
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Recorded video of the event
But before we dive into the math and code, however, I think it's important to get some context by recounting the story of how we got here.
A brief history of demoscene live-coding
Visual coding has been massively opened up when graphics APIs began to introduce programmable fragment rendering, perhaps best known to most people as "pixel shaders"; this allowed programmers to run entire programmable functions on each pixel of a triangle, and none was more adamant to do that than a fellow named Iñigo Quilez (IQ), an understated genius who early on recognized the opportunity in covering the entire screen with a single polygon, and just doing the heavy lifting of creating geometry in the shader itself. His vision eventually spiraled into not only the modern 4k scene, but also the website ShaderToy, which almost every graphics programmer uses to test prototypes or just play around with algorithms. IQ, an old friend of mine since the mid-00s, eventually moved to the US, worked at Pixar and Oculus, and became something of a world-revered guru of computer graphics, but that (and life) has unfortunately caused him to shift away from the scene.
His vision of single-shader-single-quad-single-pass shader coding, in the meantime, created a very spectacular kind of live coding competition in the scene where two coders get only 25 minutes and the attention of an entire party hall, and they have to improvise their way out of the duel - this has been wildly successful at parties for the sheer showmanship and spectacle akin to rap battles, and none emerged from this little sport more remarkably than Flopine, a bubbly French girl who routinely shuffled up on stage wearing round spectacles and cat ears (actually they might be pony ears on second thought), and mopped the floor up with the competition. Her and a handful of other live-coders regularly stream on Twitch as practice, and have honed their live-coding craft for a few years at this point, garnering a considerable following.
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Just a sample of insanity these people can do.
My contribution to this little sub-scene was coming up with a fancy name for it ("Shader Showdown"), as well as providing a little tool I called Bonzomatic (named after Bonzaj / Plastic, a mutual friend of IQ and myself, and the first person to create a live coding environment for demoparties) that I still maintain, but even though I feel a degree of involvement through the architectural side, I myself haven't been interested in participating: I know I can do okay under time pressure, but I don't really enjoy it, and while there's a certain overlap in what they do and what I do, I was always more interested in things like visual detail and representative geometry aided by editing and direction rather than looping abstract, fractal-like things. It just wasn't my thing.
Mistakes were made
But if I'm not attracted to this type of competition, how did I end up in the crossfire anyway? What I can't say is that it wasn't, to a considerable degree, my fault: as Revision 2020 was entirely online, most of the scene took it to themselves to sit in the demoscene Discord to get an experience closest to on-site socializing, given the somber circumstances of physical distancing. This also allowed a number of people who hasn't been around for a while to pop in to chat - like IQ, who, given his past, was mostly interested in the showdowns (during which Flopine crushed the competition) and the 4k compo.
As I haven't seen him around for a while, and as my mind is always looking for an angle, I somehow put two and two together, and asked him if he would consider taking part in a showdown at some point; he replied that he was up for it - this was around Saturday 10PM. I quickly pinged the rest of the showdown participants and organizers, as I spotted that Bullet was doing a DJ set the next day (which would've been in a relatively convenient timezone for IQ in California as well), and assumed that he didn't really have visuals for it - as there was already a "coding jam" over Ronny's set the day before, I figured there's a chance for squeezing an "extra round" of coding. Flopine was, of course, beyond excited by just the prospect of going against IQ, and by midnight we essentially got everything planned out (Bullet's consent notwithstanding, as he was completely out of the loop on this), and I was excited to watch...
...that is, until Havoc, the head honcho for the showdowns, off-handedly asked me about an at that point entirely hypothetical scenario: what would happen if IQ would, for some reason, challenge me instead of Flopine? Now, as said, I wasn't really into this, but being one to not let a good plan go to waste (especially if it was mine), I told Havoc I'd take one for the team and do it, although it probably wouldn't be very fun to watch. I then proceeded to quickly brief IQ in private and run him through the technicalities of the setup, the tool, the traditions and so on, and all is swell...
...that is, until IQ (this is at around 2AM) offhandedly mentions that "Havoc suggested we do a three-way with me, Flopine... and you." I quickly try to backpedal, but IQ seems to be into the idea, and worst of all, I've already essentially agreed to it, and to me, the only thing worse than being whipped in front of a few thousand people would be going back on your word. The only way out was through.
Weeks of coding can spare you hours of thinking
So now that I've got myself into this jar of pickles, I needed some ideas, and quick. (I didn't sleep much that night.) First off, I didn't want to do anything obviously 3D - both IQ and Flopine are masters of this, and I find it exhausting and frustrating, and it would've failed on every level possible. Fractals I'm awful at and while they do provide a decent amount of visual detail, they need a lot of practice and routine to get right. I also didn't want something very basic 2D, like a byte-beat, because those have a very limited degree of variation available, and the end result always looks a bit crude.
Luckily a few months ago an article I saw do rounds was a write-up by Sasha Martinsen on how to do "FUI"-s, or Fictional User Interfaces; overly complicated and abstract user interfaces that are prominent in sci-fi, with Gmunk being the Michael Jordan of the genre.
Image courtesy of Sasha Martinsen.
Sasha's idea is simple: make a few basic decent looking elements, and then just pile them on top of each other until it looks nice, maybe choose some careful colors, move them around a bit, place them around tastefully in 3D, et voilà, you're hacking the Gibson. It's something I attempted before, if somewhat unsuccessfully, in "Reboot", but I came back to it a few more times in my little private motion graphics experiments with much better results, and my prediction was that it would be doable in the given timeframe - or at least I hoped that my hazy 3AM brain was on the right track.
A bit of math
How to make this whole thing work? First, let's think about our rendering: We have a single rectangle and a single-pass shader that runs on it: this means no meshes, no geometry, no custom textures, no postprocessing, no particle systems and no fonts, which isn't a good place to start from. However, looking at some of Sasha's 3D GIFs, some of them look like they're variations of the same render put on planes one after the other - and as long as we can do one, we can do multiple of that.
Rough sketch of what we want to do; the planes would obviously be infinite in size but this representation is good enough for now.
Can we render multiple planes via a single shader? Sure, but we want them to look nice, and that requires a bit of thinking: The most common technique to render a "2D" shader and get a "3D" look is raymarching, specifically with signed distance fields - starting on a ray, and continually testing distances until a hit is found. This is a good method for "solid-ish" looking objects and scenes, but the idea for us is to have many infinite planes that also have some sort of alpha channel, so we'd have a big problem with 1) inaccuracy, as we'd never find a hit, just something "reasonably close", and even that would take us a few dozen steps, which is costly even for a single plane and 2) the handling of an alpha map can be really annoying, since we'd only find out our alpha value after our initial march, after which if our alpha is transparent we'd need to march again.
But wait - it's just infinite planes and a ray, right? So why don't we just assume that our ray is always hitting the plane (which it is, since we're looking at it), and just calculate an intersection the analytical way?
Note: I would normally refer to this method as "raytracing", but after some consultation with people smarter than I am, we concluded that the terms are used somewhat ambiguously, so let's just stick to "analytical ray solving" or something equally pedantic.
We know the mathematical equation for a ray is position = origin + direction * t (where t is a scalar that represents the distance/progress from the ray origin), and we know that the formula for a plane is A * x + B * y + C * z + D = 0, where (A, B, C) is the normal vector of the plane, and D is the distance from the origin. First, since the intersection will be the point in space that satisfies both equations, we substitute the ray (the above o + d * t for each axis) into the plane:
A * (ox + dx * t) + B * (oy + dy * t) + C * (oz + dz * t) + D = 0
To find out where this point is in space, we need to solve this for t, but it's currently mighty complicated. Luckily, since we assume that our planes are parallel to the X-Y plane, we know our (A, B, C) normal is (0, 0, 1), so we can simplify it down to:
oz + dz * t + D = 0
Which we can easily solve to t:
t = (D - oz) / dz
That's right: analytically finding a ray hit of a plane is literally a single subtraction and a division! Our frame rate (on this part) should be safe, and we're always guaranteed a hit as long as we're not looking completely perpendicular to the planes; we should have everything to start setting up our code.
Full disclosure: Given my (and in a way IQ's) lack of "live coding" experience, we agreed that there would be no voting for the round, and it'd be for glory only, but also that I'd be allowed to use a small cheat sheet of math like the equations for 2D rotation or e.g. the above final equation since I don't do this often enough to remember these things by heart, and I only had a few hours notice before the whole thing.
Setting up the rendering
Time to start coding then. First, let's calculate our texture coordinates in the 0..1 domain using the screen coordinates and the known backbuffer resolution (which is provided to us in Bonzomatic):
vec2 uv = vec2(gl_FragCoord.x / v2Resolution.x, gl_FragCoord.y / v2Resolution.y);
Then, let's create a ray from that:
vec3 rayDir = vec3( uv * 2 - 1, -1.0 ); rayDir.x *= v2Resolution.x / v2Resolution.y; // adjust for aspect ratio vec3 rayOrigin = vec3( 0, 0, 0 );
This creates a 3D vector for our direction that is -1,-1,-1 in the top left corner and 1,1,-1 in the bottom right (i.e. we're looking so that Z is decreasing into the screen), then we adjust the X coordinate since our screen isn't square, but our coordinates currently are - no need to even bother with normalizing, it'll be fine. Our origin is currently just sitting in the center.
Then, let's define (loosely) our plane, which is parallel to the XY plane:
float planeDist = 1.0f; // distance between each plane float planeZ = -5.0f; // Z position of the first plane
And solve our equation to t, as math'd out above:
float t = (planeZ - rayOrigin.z) / rayDir.z;
Then, calculate WHERE the hit is by taking that t by inserting it back to the original ray equation using our current direction and origin:
vec3 hitPos = rayOrigin + t * rayDir;
And now we have our intersection; since we already know the Z value, we can texture our plane by using the X and Y components to get a color value:
vec4 color = fui( hitPos.xy ); // XY plane our_color = color;
Of course we're gonna need the actual FUI function, which will be our procedural animated FUI texture, but let's just put something dummy there now, like a simple circle:
vec4 fui ( vec2 uv ) { return length(uv - 0.5) < 0.5 ? vec4(1) : vec(0); }
And here we go:
Very good, we have a single circle and if we animate the camera we can indeed tell that it is on a plane.
So first, let's tile it by using a modulo function; the modulo (or modulus) function simply wraps a number around another number (kinda like the remainder after a division, but for floating point numbers) and thus becomes extremely useful for tiling or repeating things:
We'll be using the modulo function rather extensively in this little exercise, so strap in. (Illustration via the Desmos calculator.)
vec4 layer = fui( mod( hitPos.xy, 1.0 ) );
This will wrap the texture coordinates of -inf..inf between 0..1:
We also need multiple planes, but how do we combine them? We could just blend them additively, but with the amount of content we have, we'd just burn them in to white and it'd look like a mess (and not the good kind of mess). We could instead just use normal "crossfade" / "lerp" blending based on the alpha value; the only trick here is to make sure we're rendering them from back to front since the front renders will blend over the back renders:
int steps = 10; float planeDist = 1.0f; for (int i=steps; i>=0; i--) { float planeZ = -1.0f * i * planeDist; float t = (planeZ - rayOrigin.z) / rayDir.z; if (t > 0.0f) // check if "t" is in front of us { vec3 hitPos = rayOrigin + t * rayDir; vec4 layer = fui( hitPos.xy, 2.0 ); // blend layers based on alpha output colour = mix( colour, layer, layer.a ); } }
And here we go:
We decreased the circles a bit in size to see the effect more.
Not bad! First thing we can do is just fade off the back layers, as if they were in a fog:
layer *= (steps - i) / float(steps);
We have a problem though: we should probably increase the sci-fi effect by moving the camera continually forward, but if we do, we're gonna run into a problem: Currently, since our planeZ is fixed to the 0.0 origin, they won't move with the camera. We could just add our camera Z to them, but then they would be fixed with the camera and wouldn't appear moving. What we instead want is to just render them AS IF they would be the closest 10 planes in front of the camera; the way we could do that is that if e.g. our planes' distance from each other is 5, then round the camera Z down to the nearest multiple of 5 (e.g. if the Z is at 13, we round down to 10), and start drawing from there; rounding up would be more accurate, but rounding down is easier, since we can just subtract the division remainder from Z like so:
float planeZ = (rayOrigin.z - mod(rayOrigin.z, planeDist)) - i * planeDist;
And now we have movement! Our basic rendering path is done.
Our little fictional UI
So now that we have the basic pipeline in place, let's see which elements can we adapt from Sasha's design pieces.
The first one I decided to go with wasn't strictly speaking in the set, but it was something that I saw used as design elements over the last two decades, and that's a thick hatch pattern element; I think it's often used because it has a nice industrial feel with it. Doing it in 2D is easy: We just add X and Y together, which will result in a diagonal gradient, and then we just turn that into an alternating pattern using, again, the modulo. All we need to do is limit it between two strips, and we have a perfectly functional "Police Line Do Not Cross" simulation.
return mod( uv.x + uv.y, 1 ) < 0.5 ? vec4(1) : vec4(0);
So let's stop here for a few moments; this isn't bad, but we're gonna need a few things. First, the repetition doesn't give us the nice symmetric look that Sasha recommends us to do, and secondly, we want them to look alive, to animate a bit.
Solving symmetry can be done just by modifying our repetition code a bit: instead of a straight up modulo with 1.0 that gives us a 0..1 range, let's use 2.0 to get a 0..2 range, then subtract 1.0 to get a -1..1 range, and then take the absolute value.
vec4 layer = fui( abs( mod( hitPos.xy, 2.0 ) - 1 ) );
This will give us a triangle-wave-like function, that goes from 0 to 1, then back to 0, then back to 1; in terms of texture coordinates, it will go back and forth between mirroring the texture in both directions, which, let's face it, looks Totally Sweet.
For animation, first I needed some sort of random value, but one that stayed deterministic based on a seed - in other words, I needed a function that took in a value, and returned a mangled version of it, but in a way that if I sent that value in twice, it would return the same mangled value twice. The most common way of doing it is taking the incoming "seed" value, and then driving it into some sort of function with a very large value that causes the function to alias, and then just returning the fraction portion of the number:
float rand(float x) { return fract(sin(x) * 430147.8193); }
Does it make any sense? No. Is it secure? No. Will it serve our purpose perfectly? Oh yes.
So how do we animate our layers? The obvious choice is animating both the hatch "gradient" value to make it crawl, and the start and end of our hatch pattern which causes the hatched strip to move up and down: simply take a random - seeded by our time value - of somewhere sensible (like between 0.2 and 0.8 so that it doesn't touch the edges) and add another random to it, seasoned to taste - we can even take a binary random to pick between horizontal and vertical strips:
The problems here are, of course, that currently they're moving 1) way too fast and 2) in unison. The fast motion obviously happens because the time value changes every frame, so it seeds our random differently every frame - this is easy to solve by just rounding our time value down to the nearest integer: this will result in some lovely jittery "digital" motion. The unison is also easy to solve: simply take the number of the layer, and add it to our time, thus shifting the time value for each layer; I also chose to multiply the layer ID with a random-ish number so that the layers actually animate independently, and the stutter doesn't happen in unison either:
vec4 fui( vec2 uv, float t ) { t = int(t); float start = rand(t) * 0.8 + 0.1; float end = start + 0.1; [...] } vec4 layer = fui( abs(mod(hitPos.xy, 2.0)-1), fGlobalTime + i * 4.7 );
Lovely!
Note: In hindsight using the Z coordinate of the plane would've given a more consistent result, but the way it animates, it doesn't really matter.
So let's think of more elements: the best looking one that seems to get the best mileage out in Sasha's blog is what I can best describe as the "slant" or "hockey stick" - a simple line, with a 45-degree turn in it. What I love about it is that the symmetry allows it to create little tunnels, gates, corridors, which will work great for our motion.
Creating it is easy: We just take a thin horizontal rectangle, and attach another rectangle to the end, but shift the coordinate of the second rectangle vertically, so that it gives us the 45-degree angle:
float p1 = 0.2; float p2 = 0.5; float p3 = 0.7; float y = 0.5; float thicc = 0.0025; if (p1 < uv.x && uv.x < p2 && y - thicc < uv.y && uv.y < y + thicc ) { return vec4(1); } if (p2 < uv.x && uv.x < p3 && y - thicc < uv.y - (uv.x - p2) && uv.y - (uv.x - p2) < y + thicc ) { return vec4(1); }
Note: In the final code, I had a rect() call which I originally intended to use as baking glow around my rectangle using a little routine I prototyped out earlier that morning, but I was ultimately too stressed to properly pull that off. Also, it's amazing how juvenile your variable names turn when people are watching.
Looks nice, but since this is such a thin sparse element, let's just... add more of it!
So what more can we add? Well, no sci-fi FUI is complete without random text and numbers, but we don't really have a font at hand. Or do we? For years, Bonzomatic has been "shipping" with this really gross checkerboard texture ostensibly for UV map testing:
What if we just desaturate and invert it?
We can then "slice" it up and render little sprites all over our texture: we already know how to draw a rectangle, so all we need is just 1) calculate which sprite we want to show 2) calculate the texture coordinate WITHIN that sprite and 3) sample the texture:
float sx = 0.3; float sy = 0.3; float size = 0.1; if (sx < uv.x && uv.x < sx + size && sy < uv.y &&uv.y < sy + size) { float spx = 2.0 / 8.0; // we have 8 tiles in the texture float spy = 3.0 / 8.0; vec2 spriteUV = (uv - vec2(sx,sy)) / size; vec4 sam = texture( texChecker, vec2(spx,spy) + spriteUV / 8.0 ); return dot( sam.rgb, vec3(0.33) ); }
Note: In the final code, I was only using the red component instead of desaturation because I forgot the texture doesn't always have red content - I stared at it for waaaay too long during the round trying to figure out why some sprites weren't working.
And again, let's just have more of it:
Getting there!
At this point the last thing I added was just circles and dots, because I was running out of ideas; but I also felt my visual content amount was getting to where I wanted them to be; it was also time to make it look a bit prettier.
Post-production / compositing
So we have our layers, they move, they might even have colors, but I'm still not happy with the visual result, since they are too single-colored, there's not enough tone in the picture.
The first thing I try nowadays when I'm on a black background is to just add either a single color, or a gradient:
vec4 colour = renderPlanes(uv); vec4 gradient = mix( vec4(0,0,0.2,1), vec4(0,0,0,1), uv.y); vec4 finalRender = mix( gradient, vec4(colour.xyz,1), colour.a);
This added a good chunk of depth considerably to the image, but I was still not happy with the too much separation between colors.
A very common method used in compositing in digital graphics is to just add bloom / glow; when used right, this helps us add us more luminance content to areas that would otherwise be solid color, and it helps the colors to blend a bit by providing some middle ground; unfortunately if we only have a single pass, the only way to get blur (and by extension, bloom) is repeatedly rendering the picture, and that'd tank our frame rate quickly.
Instead, I went back to one of the classics: the Variform "pixelize" overlay:
This is almost the same as a bloom effect, except instead of blurring the image, all you do is turn it into a lower resolution nearest point sampled version of itself, and blend that over the original image - since this doesn't need more than one sample per pixel (as we can reproduce pixelation by just messing with the texture coordinates), we can get away by rendering the scene only twice:
vec4 colour = renderPlanes(uv); colour += renderPlanes(uv - mod( uv, 0.1 ) ) * 0.4;
Much better tonal content!
So what else can we do? Well, most of the colors I chose are in the blue/orange/red range, and we don't get a lot of the green content; one of the things that I learned that it can look quite pretty if one takes a two-tone picture, and uses color-grading to push the midrange of a third tone - that way, the dominant colors will stay in the highlights, and the third tone will cover the mid-tones. (Naturally you have to be careful with this.)
"Boosting" a color in the mids is easy: lucky for us, if we consider the 0..1 range, exponential functions suit our purpose perfectly, because they start at 0, end at 1, but we can change how they get here:
So let's just push the green channel a tiny bit:
finalRender.g = pow(finalRender.g, 0.7);
Now all we need is to roll our camera for maximum cyberspace effect and we're done!
Best laid plans of OBS
As you can see from the code I posted the above, I wrote the final shader in GLSL; those who know me know that I'm a lot more comfortable with DirectX / HLSL, and may wonder why I switched, but of course there's another story here:
Given the remote nature of the event, all of the shader coding competition was performed online as well: since transmitting video from the coder's computer to a mixer, and then to another mixer, and then to a streaming provider, and then to the end user would've probably turned the image to mush, Alkama and Nusan came up with the idea of skipping a step and rigging up a version of Bonzo that ran on the coder's computer, but instead of streaming video, it sent the shader down to another instance of Bonzo, running on Diffty's computer, who then captured that instance and streamed it to the main Revision streaming hub. This, of course, meant that in a three-way, Diffty had to run three separate instances of Bonzo - but it worked fine with GLSL earlier, so why worry?
What we didn't necessarily realize at the time, is that the DirectX 11 shader compiler takes no hostages, and as soon as the shader reached un-unrollable level of complexity, it thoroughly locked down Diffty's machine, to the point that even the video of the DJ set he was playing started to drop out. I, on the other hand, didn't notice any of this, since my single local instance was doing fine, so I spent the first 15 minutes casually nuking Diffty's PC to shreds remotely, until I noticed Diffty and Havoc pleading on Discord to switch to GLSL because I'm setting things on fire unknowingly.
This is fine.
I was reluctant to do so, simply because of the muscle memory, but I was also aware that I should keep the show going if I can because if I bow out without a result, that would be a colossal embarrassment to everyone involved, and I only can take one of those once every week, and I was already above my quota - so, I quickly closed the DX11 version of Bonzo, loaded the shader up in a text editor, replaced "floatX" with "vecX" (fun drinking game: take a shot every time I messed it up during the live event), commented the whole thing out, loaded it into a GLSL bonzo, and quickly fixed all the other syntax differences (of which there were luckily not many, stuff like "mix" instead of "lerp", constructors, etc.), and within a few minutes I was back up and running.
This, weirdly, helped my morale a bit, because it was the kind of clutch move that for some reason appealed to me, and made me quite happy - although at that point I locked in so bad that not only did I pay absolutely not attention to the stream to see what the other two are doing, but that the drinks and snacks I prepared for the hour of battling went completely untouched.
In the end, when the hour clocked off, the shader itself turned out more or less how I wanted it, it worked really well with Bullet's techno-/psy-/hardtrance mix (not necessarily my jam, as everyone knows I'm more a broken beat guy, but pounding monotony can go well with coding focus), and I came away satisfied, although the perhaps saddest point of the adventure was yet to come: the lack of cathartic real-life ending that was taken from us due to the physical distance, when after all the excitement, all the cheers and hugs were merely lines of text on a screen - but you gotta deal with what you gotta deal with.
A small sampling of the Twitch reaction.
Conclusion
In the end, what was my takeaway from the experience?
First off, scoping is everything: Always aim to get an idea where you can maximize the outcome of the time invested with the highest amount of confidence of pulling it off. In this case, even though I was on short notice and in an environment I was unfamiliar with, I relied on something I knew, something I've done before, but no one else really has.
Secondly, broaden your influence: You never know when you can take something that seems initially unrelated, and bend it into something that you're doing with good results.
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, step out of your comfort zone every so often; you'll never know what you'll find.
(And don't agree to everything willy-nilly, you absolute moron.)
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens), Ellen Degeneres
Additional Tags: Crack, Memes, I have no excuses, shenanigans with the "fuck shit up jacket", because of course it is, never thought I'd tag Ellen in a fic
Summary:
What happens when a demon decides to use old memes from 2010 and his "fuck shit up jacket" to cause a ruckus in Soho?
This, apparently.
~~~
I have no excuses this is a crackfic that came about from a conversation in the Ineffable Outliers Discord with myself, @apple-duty, and @cassandrasummer xD
~~~
An undetermined Friday, post Armageddon. Mayfair, London
Anyone walking down the street in Mayfair that night would hear shouting. Or at least they would, but the walls of the flat knew better than to let any sound out without permission. If one were to look through the window, one would see an iPhone slam against a concrete wall1.
Crowley had been trying to get a hold of Aziraphale for well past two days, with no answer. He’d driven by the shop, but the angel had been out both times. He, of course, did not want to appear like he cared so scoping out the shop more than necessary was completely out of the question2.
He sat in his ostentatious throne seething; how dare Aziraphale avoid him like this. Two could play it this game, and he could play very demonically if he wanted to.
Crowley stood and went to the closet in his bedroom and pulled out two very specific items. A black jacket with reflective orange tape and a large, oddly shaped black case.
Yes, two could play at this game. And if the angel wanted to ignore him, he’d make that task impossible.
---
6:00 AM Saturday morning; the sidewalk outside of A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
“C’mon, Linda, just pop on back to mine for a bit, yer mum ain’t gonna know!”
“Danny ya absolute toss, I’ll do no such thing!”
The young couple swayed through the near empty streets of Soho, drunk on wine and each other’s company.
“But Linda-“
“Don’t ‘But Linda’ me Danny Williams,” Linda says, pointing a shaky finger in his face with no real bite behind her words, “We ain’t been dating but a fortnight and you ain’t gettin’ me in the bed that easily!”
“But Linda, when I’m with you I can…I can…” Danny grasped for something, anything to say, “I can hear music!”
“Cheek!” she said but looped her arm back in his anyway and leaned against him as they started back down the street.
“Really can, ya know?” Danny said with more than a little bounce in his step, “Really snazzy saxophone music!”
“Danny,” Linda pointed towards a tall ginger man in a utilities uniform, “I think it’s that man in front of old Mr. Fell’s.”
Sure enough, as they got closer, the man was playing on a saxophone. At six am outside of a bookshop. This would seem to have no discernable reason, but the great thing about the human brain in the way She made it is that when there is no reason, that’s reason enough.
“Well I dunno why he’s doing it, but for a telephone worker he sure is great at those few bars of whatever that is.”
“Sounds familiar though, don’t it?” Linda said quizzically, “Wonder where I’ve heard it before?”
“Either way, it’s Soho on a weekend, he’s probably just a sloshed as we are.”
“Probably so, now walk me home you old buffoon.”
Danny and Linda strolled off arm in arm and the obvious utility worker kept playing on.
---
8:00 AM Saturday morning; the sidewalk outside of A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
Bill Waters was a patient man. An upstanding member of the community. A lawyer. He dressed in smart suits and was never seen without his pork pie hat. He had an image.
They had scoffed when he’d opened his practice in Soho. They’d laughed. But now? Oh, now, he was one of the most respected litigators in London.
He prided himself on his work ethic, his attention to detail, and his meticulous methods. He prided himself on his patience with his clients, with his family, and with anyone who he met. The community loved him, his neighbors loved him, his family adored him.
Which is why several people milling around the early morning streets were shocked to see him jumping up and down and yelling at a street performer.
“Sir, I demand in the name of common decency that you stop this at once!” Bill shouted, face turning a rather embarrassing shade one could liken to a tomato plant, “It’s been two bloody hours!3”
If the man from the utilities paid any mind to him, he didn’t let it show. Just kept playing the same four bars over and over again.
“I will call your superiors! What are you even supposed to be doing?!”
The man just continued with his smooth beats and rhythmic dancing. Was it dancing? Could barely call it that in the first place. Like something out of a bad 1970’s instructional video.
Bill continued to yell; the man continued to ignore it.
This just wouldn’t do, Bill resolved to phone the utilities company at once. He threw his hat down in frustration and stormed back across the street to his offices.
---
10:00 AM Saturday morning; the sidewalk outside of A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
“D’you think he lost some kind of bet?”
“Dunno…sounds familiar though, doesn’t it?”
“Ain’t this that shit from Eurovision like ten years ago? The saxophone guy?”
Nathan, Alice, and Jude were gathered around the strange man with the saxophone. They’d already tossed some money in his hat and were waiting for him to get around to taking requests. They were also by far not the only ones in the crowd.
“It is!” Alice said pulling up YouTube on her phone, “It’s the Epic Sax Guy music!”
“Christ that meme is older than dirt,” Jude said grimacing, “Why you reckon he’s doing this?”
“Maybe Mr. Fell pissed him off,” Nathan said, laughing, “He’s pissed off enough people around here with those weird hours.”
“Dad said he’s been at it since six this morning,” Alice (last name of Waters) said, “That’s four hours ago! That’s insane!”
“We oughta put it up somewhere, do a live stream or something. See how long he goes!”
“You know, Nathan, maybe we should,” Jude said, pulling out his cell phone, “Hell, I don’t have anywhere to be.”
The saxophone man played on.
---
11:00 AM Saturday morning; the news offices of the BBC
“Christ, William, it must be a slow day if this is what you’re giving me.” Margaret, producer for the BBC Weekend News said angrily into the phone receiver, “You really expect me to send reporters out to video a street performer in Soho? As if they aren’t a dime a dozen?”
She listened to the murmuring on the other end of the line, “Five hours? The whole time? And he’s dressed like what? A utilities worker? What do you mean Twitter?”
Margaret pulled out her phone and opened the app, clicking through to the trending page. Sure enough, there at number one: #UtilitySaxMan.
“Well, it is a slow day. Fine, send someone, just try to find me something real to put on the air by tonight, yes? I can’t just be putting Twitter fluff on the air!”
Margret slammed the phone back on the receiver and shook her head. What was the news world coming to these days? She blamed the millennials.
---
11:30 AM London time (3:30 AM California time). The Montecito home of Ellen DeGeneres
“I’m just saying we need this guy on the show. You know how much the audience loves an internet celebrity. Yes, that’s why I called you, because you’re in London.”
To the dismay of her wife who just wanted to sleep, Ellen was on the phone at 3:30 in the morning with one of the show’s associates in England. Once she got the idea to have someone on her show, there really wasn’t much anyone could do to stop her.
“So, no one knows who this guy is? He just showed up with a saxophone and started playing? Well that won’t stop us. Just go down there and talk to him when he stops playing. I just need him on my show, he’s trending like crazy, the memes are ridiculous!”
“I should probably go, but don’t let me down! This guy is insane, he should be a star!”
She hung up as Portia throws a pillow at her.
---
1:00 PM Saturday morning; the sidewalk outside of A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
“Play Single Ladies!” A voice from the gathered crowd shouted.
“Shut up, he’s not taking requests!” Jude shouted back at them.
“What are you, his agent?”
“I might be after this is over, you don’t know that!” Jude hissed from behind his phone, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up.
The livestream was an immediate hit. He’s been inundated with new followers and reaction memes4. Even the BBC was here, along with several people in strange getups. He’d gotten three direct tweets from Ellen DeGeneres already, though he couldn’t answer. Not while the livestream was going.
This dude was insane. He never stopped; he was like a damn machine. Just kept playing and dancing (badly) and playing. He ignored everyone around him, ignored that his hat was now full past capacity of spare change and 1£ notes.
It was like he was on a mission, though what that mission could be was anyone’s guess.
“Young man, have you any idea who this fellow is?” one of the men, this one wearing a monocle, asked him.
“Nah, can’t say that I do,” said Jude, “I mean, he hangs out at Mr. Fell’s shop a lot, seems to know him. Dunno why he’s doing this though.”
“Did you hear that?” the man in the suit said to another, this one with a two-tone wig, “He knows the bookshop owner! That’s our in!”
---
3:00 PM Saturday morning; the sidewalk outside of A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
“It is clearly a performance showing the prevalence of man over the subjugation of the corporate world! He celebrates his union job by playing this jubilant music!” said the man in the two-tone wig.
“I beg to differ; it is quite certainly a cry at the unjust conditions faced by workers!” said the man with a monocle.
These two had exactly three things in common: They were art critics, they were insufferable, and they had been arguing about this for the better part of two hours.
“How can you be so daft? The rawness and realness and power of this performance can only be described as euphoric!”
“Ah but you fail to take into account the monotony and the repetitive action! This man is in a prison of his own creation! A brilliant metaphor for the world under capitalism!”
The two men continued arguing and were approached by a man in a tan coat that was about one hundred and fifty years out of date.
“Pardon me, gentlemen,” the man said, “But could you possibly tell me what all of the commotion is outside of my bookshop?”
“Oh, my goodness, you must be Mr. Fell! And you haven’t heard?!” shouted the first critic, acting as though he might faint, “The art world is completely a buzz!”
“It would seem, my friend, that the next great performance artist of our times has taken up residence outside your bookshop! Please, please introduce us to him!”
Mr. Fell looked confused as he tore away from the art critics and through the crowd. Past the young man with the camera, past the BBC News van, and past some Americans speaking very loudly into their cell phones.
“Crowley, what on Earth are you doing?”
The saxophone music stops abruptly. All eyes turn and focus on Mr. Fell.
“Oh, hello Angel…” the saxophone man stammers, “Just..uh…”
Before anyone can say anything, Mr. Fell storms forward and grabs the saxophone man by the arm, ushering him into the bookshop, behind a sign that clearly says “CLOSED”.
The crowd disperses, first the news van, then the passerby, then the art critics and the Americans. Jude stands there for a moment wondering what just happened.
He soon forgets why he was there in the first place, and if Twitter held any clues for him, they’re long gone now. Later, he'd look in his book-bag and find it full of loose change and 1£ notes.
Just an ordinary Saturday in Soho.
---
3:15 PM Saturday afternoon; inside A.Z. Fell and Co. Soho, London
“Would you care to explain, dear,” Aziraphale says as he unpacks his leather satchel, “just why you’re playing saxophone on my front stoop? And the news vans? And the art critics. You know how much I hate art critics!”
“You wouldn’t answer your phone,” Crowley says sulking on his favorite couch, “Got mad.”
“And did you conveniently forget dinner last week when I told you I’d be in Munich for a book auction for a few days?” Aziraphale shoots him a pointed look, “or were you just not listening in the first place?”
“Ngk.”
“I see,” the angel says, turning back to his books in a huff, “and how long were you out there?”
Crowley mumbled.
"Didn't quite catch that."
"I said ten hours," Crowley snapped, "Doing very demonic things, ruining everyone's weekend. Can take the demon out of hell but not hell out of the demon and all that." He crossed his arms over his chest and sulked lower into the couch than should be possible.
Aziraphale smiled to himself as he put away his new books, “Yes of course, my dear. Is that why you brought out the 'mess stuff up' jacket?Brightening everyone’s day with a bit of music, giving the BBC something to talk about? Such a demonic level of happiness out in the street today.”
“I-well-well,you-I-“ Crowley stammered, jumping up to stalk behind the angel to prove his point, “I made an old bloke with a pork pie hat have a fit, right in the middle of the street!”
Aziraphale sighed, Crowley was never quite as smooth as he pretended to be, and the angel saw right through him.
“My dear you are quite ridiculous, next time just come with me then you won’t feel the need for this nonsense.”
Crowley shoved his hands back in his pockets, trying to look aloof and failing, “I mean…I guess. Could use a vacation. Plenty of demonic wiles to get up to outside the country. Gotta keep you out of trouble...of course.”
Aziraphale smiled at him, clasping his hands together, “There we go then, problem solved!”
If the angel knew it was an excuse on the demon’s part to spend more time with him, he didn’t say. Nor did he mind in the slightest.
-----
1 – The iPhone, of course, knew better than to break. Just who’s apartment do you think we’re dealing with here, hmm?
2 – Least of all because he was scared of a certain angel picking up on a certain demon’s propensity to be what the kids referred to as a stage five clinger.
3 – In Bill Waters’ defense, he’d been late at the office the previous night working on a particularly challenging case. He’d been so exhausted, when the saxophone started up at around 6 am he’d thought himself hallucinating.
4 – Some choice memes that were shared on twitter:
#link#good omens#my fic#aziraphale#crowley#epic sax guy#special guest appearance of the 'fuck shit up jacket'#this is ridiculous y'all can blame the discord xD#sorry not sorry#I made memes for this#I went on meme generators and made MEMES for this
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A message to myself about Andi Mack and my IRL friends
For the record past me, by the time Andi Mack finished airing you were able to get 6 irl friends to watch the show as well. From 0 to 6, good for you!! You were able to share the beauty of this lil ol “Disney Channel show” with your friends.
And you know that time ages ago where you dragged Friend 2 into watching s3e6 on a whim just because he was on discord with you and Friend 1 and had no idea what was going on? Now friend 2 is the biggest Andi Mack fan friend in the group (excluding you). You both love making references and inside jokes and talking about how special the show is, and in return he introduced you to Kingdom Hearts and we talk about how insane that game is. You strengthened that friendship thanks to this show.
And you were able to get together with your friends to watch the finale together. It was a fun day! Driving up to Friend 2’s house, seeing him poke his head out of the door and yelling to him “HEY WHO WANTS PIZZA??” and laughing as he came to help bring it in. Hunting for his air fryer and frying whatever taters remained in his freezer. Figuring out how to make milkshakes messily and having Friend 5 drop the strawberries and chug his milkshake before we even started watching. You planned to arrive at noon, but didn’t ACTUALLY start watching until nearly 1:30 because of people being late and needing to set everything up.
Maybe later you can ask Friend 1 or Friend 2 to help write down our reactions to the finale, like what you did for Friend 1 and 2 when you first showed the Andi Mack. Or do it yourself, just whatever you can remember. Save it for the memories.
To remember how we called them so smol as we watched the lookbacks, Friend 2 laughed about how Josh was BASICALLY CYRUS, we all laughed at how immortal Emily was compared to the rest of the cast. To remember how frim the start to the end of the finale, we were all screaming all the way through. To remember how you squeezed a pillow the whole time, Friend 2 was nearly on his feet half the episode, Friend 1 was squealing for all the ships, Friend 5 kept having to shush us, and Friend 3 squeezed Friend 4 like a teddy bear since she didn’t have a pillow. And Friend 6, not watching with us, messaging and ranting about Marty as she watched it live.
And then it was over. We laughed, we talked, we couldn’t believe such an amazing show was really over. But we loved how they left some things open while closing others. We screamed about never knowing what would happen at frisbee camp. We joked about the Born This Way scene being a kidsbop video. We couldn’t believe Tyrus was finally endgame. We couldn’t believe Muffy kissed. You didn’t tell them, and probably never will, but the ending reminded you of all of us. Going our seperate ways for college, not knowing what would come. These friends were some who had been my lifeline for 2 years, and now we wouldn’t be together. We couldn’t believe it was all over. I couldn’t believe it was all over.
But it was fun. It was so fun and amazing while it lasted, and it strengthened friendships I hope we’ll keep for years to come. I’m so glad for Andi Mack, not only for showing so many storylines and being such amazing representation and for being so real and true to life and exciting and beautiful, but for being all that and a lovely experience to share with my friends. We share fandoms a lot, but for me at least, Andi Mack was even more special. It brought us together differently. Sure we’d laugh at the antics like all other shows, but we also got to have REAL talks because of this show. Which I feel like brought us even closer together than any other show has.
So even though I didn’t mention it in other Andi Mack appreciation posts, thanks Andi Mack for giving me something great to remember with my irl friends before we go to college. Even though I talked to Friend 6 about needing Andi Mack to get me through college, even if this really is the last time we get to see the GHC, the Macks, and the other kids, the memories I made with it are still going to definitely help me survive college.
So, past me. And future me for that matter. Treasure these moments. These are the moments you’ll remember.
-Trash (7/29/19)
#andi mack#nobody cares trash#a message to me#friends watch am#friends react to am#friends watch andi mack#friends react to andi mack
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konnichiwa, and welcome back to the classic “Matpat video notes from hell” series
yup we’re doing this again lol. just imagine noodle from gorillaz typing this up instead of alex and it’ll almost be just like last time! today (June 10, 2019) we’ll be watching “Game Theory: FNAF, You Were Meant To Lose (FNAF VR Help Wanted).” please note that in the thumbnail it says “don’t trust the tapes!” so you too can be mad at how he’s slandering tape girl like that. and, of course, THERE WILL BE SOME (MOSTLY MINOR) SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. okay, video time!
-alright, starting off strong with a compilation of Poor Matpat (/s) and all the times he thought he’d made his last fnaf theory video (man i wish fnaf 4 was his last theory vid too)
-not even a minute in and we’ve already got some avengers endgame references smh
-jokingly calls fnaf vr “matpat insanity simulator” and MAN i WISH
-calls the game “an ~inflection~ point” like we get it you can use fancy words okay relax
-thinks there’s more games to come
-vr game supposedly is gonna lead us into “FNAF: The Next Generation” (bro if you’re gonna come up with a name for a list games we don’t even know are gonna exist, at least be creative with it come on)
-”the meatiest game in the fnaf library” with I SHIT YOU NOT an awful graphic of freddy’s head over a disgusting pile of “ground meat” with a big yellow sun-shape with red text that says “NO FAT!” JFC MATT WHY!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!! also y’all are welcome, i definitely took that bullet for you
-i’m only two minutes into a 23:39 video why did i sign up for this i’m gonna die
-oh joy he actually played it on gt live /s
-BRO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT VOICE HE DID FOR THE PUPPET
-experience of the game is to “recreate the brand” and “clear its name” or w/e
-OMFG HE LITERALLY WAS TALKING ABOUT ALL THE MONEY SOCK COTTON WAS MAKING ON MERCH ONLY TO STOP AND TALK ABOUT HIS OWN FUCKING MERCH SEND HELP GET ME OUTTA HERE IM GONNA GO F E R A L
-he’s really going out of his way to say “THESE shirts are for the LADIES and THESE shirts are for the MEN” SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I KNOCK YOUR TEETH OUT
-seriously man we already knew you were a Gender Binary Cop but this is ridiculous
-there’s game theory underwear. apparently. if i had to suffer through that fact so do you.
-”if you’re a fan of all the hard work we put into each and every one of our videos” WOW matt i had know idea how hard it was to steal other people’s work and ideas for your half assed theories!!!1!!11!!!
-god he makes it sounds like his theory gear is like donating to a charity absolutely unbelievable
-by the way, that ad for his own merch was from 3:32-4:18 and that’s almost a full minute (though trust me, it felt like so much longer)
-quiero matar ese hombre (translation: i wanna kill that man)
-OH. OH HE DID NOT.
-[insert stream of cursing in multiple languages that i cannot be bothered to type out here]
-this little white bitch really just said that there was only one important character missing in the vr game–golden freddy
-“noodle!” i’m sure you’re saying. “there’s nothing wrong with matt saying that!” oh no, that wasn’t the bad thing he said. ohhh no.
-and i quote: “i mean, ballora isn’t around here either, but you know i said ‘IMPORTANT’ [voice saying “buh-buh-baom!”, explosion sfx, air horn sfx]”
-気持ち悪い！(disgusting!)
-me parece que el quiere ser un hombre muerto (it seems to me that he wants to be a dead man)
-anywayyyys back to golden freddy: she’s not in the game because she’s chillin in hell with william afton APPARENTLY
-あの、ちょっと・・・(um, not really…)
-oh excuse me, she’s in hell with william to torture him, not chill with him
-also like how we’re still assuming a lot of things /s
-man this is taking a while
-cassidy (golden freddy) never gives up her soul, proves along with scrap baby plush that help wanted takes place after pizzeria simulator
-franchise is trying to rebuild itself after yknow, a dude going on a child killing spree
-talks about the following malhare ending
-yeah we aint gonna talk about what he calls malhare
-third appearance of the name “jeremy” in the games
-says he’s put the tapes in a “cohesive narrative” order (hah, how much do we wanna bet he’s wrong?)
-lol doesn’t say the order so he can’t be called out on his bullshit (i’m too tired to try and actually piece this shit together)
-this mf really 1) called jeremy crazy 2) or maybe that he’s “just a fnaf youtuber” and 3) PUTS UP A GRAPHIC OF HIM AND MARK GIVING EACH OTHER A HIGH FIVE. bold of you to assume you deserve to be near him mister patthew.
-[GORE WARNING] his take on the jeremy incident (you know the one, it was mentioned in the tapes) is that the ink is blood and jeremy DID cut his face off with the paper cutter. if you’re here from the fnaf discord server, you were probably around when we all discussed that this was unlikely.
-oh wow he really just tried to tie that in with the bite of 87 huh
-he’s convinced jeremy dies (spoiler: we don’t–and neither do a fair bit of people)
-really blaming tape girl for the fact that she didn’t warn about not collecting the tapes until the fifteenth tape huh
-talks about all cassettes collected endings, and how you “lose” no matter what in any of the three endings
-thinks the player is destined to lose the game
-mentions inconsistencies and oddities in the tapes
-i.e. how tape girl introduces herself twice—in tape one and tape fifteen
-how she says in tape sixteen that she knows there’s a way to kill malhare when she can’t possibly be sure, because she clearly hasn’t done it herself (malhare wouldn’t exist otherwise.)
-as in, she’s secretly trying to get you to release malhare instead of killing him
-thinks malhare melded with her conscious after she tried to delete the audio files and then attempted to escape by making the next playtester release malhare
-meanwhile the player is stuck while malhare takes over their body
-thinks that maybe the player waits until the next playtester comes along and loses their consciousness, which lets the player out
-says that putting together the tapes is like putting together the petscop lore
-wonders how many williams are out there--could the ai be replicating itself into multiple people--but admits yeah probably not
-”but that’s just a theory.. a game theory” or w/e the fuck he says
-insert ancient meme about fnaf storyline here bc he was too lazy to make a graphic or w/e
-oh wait no he wants to talk about jeremy haha still gotta sit through this for another minute or so
-random appearance of shadow freddy he found, malhare has three toes (ffs sake not the toe theories again i thought we were done with that crap) like the footprints outside afton house in fnaf ps midnight motorist minigame
-lovelyyy he’s gonna make another video after “thinking” shit over
-”scott cawthon is the villain in his own game” OKAY WHATEVER IDGAF
-i hoped you enjoyed these because they were legitimately the second or third worst experience of my life and i’m really not exaggerating
#fnaf vr#fnaf vr spoilers#fnaf hw spoilers#fnaf hw#matpat video notes from hell#part 2#はい、私は怒っています#ヌードル.txt
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A Year In Review: 2018 Edition
I don’t normally make my own posts here, nor are they ever personal (I say as though I make posts at all), but since the year is very close to being over—in fact, as I’m writing this it’s 11:02 PM on December 31st—I wanted to look back at where I’ve been and where I still have to go; review the year, basically.
2018 was one hell of a bumpy year for me, though bumpy isn’t inherently bad. I met some amazing friends (you’ll all be mentioned later on) and at the same time lost and almost lost some amazing ones, whether it was to them moving away or my own mistakes. I got involved in so many new things I’d never done before: I got fully involved in theatre, I got kind of maybe in shape, I started caring about my health, I met so many new people both irl and online, I asked my (now ex but still best friend) girlfriend out for the first time it was honestly so new to me and coming out of my shell was an experience I needed.
As the year progressed and school wrapped up, though, I started to wane a bit. Anyone who knows me knows that summer wasn’t great mental health, especially since I was cooped up inside all day doing absolutely nothing but watching YouTube and playing way too much Crusader Kings, and everyone I interacted with felt the effects. I wasn’t nearly as accountable for my own health as I should have been, and I ended up hurting the same amazing people I’d met that year. Truth be told, I’ve still not fully recovered from those mistakes, and though I know no one holds it against me, they’re still some of my biggest regrets. Even now I’m still making them, but each time I make one, it’s less severe than the last time, and each time progressively less and less bad, so I’m improving, though not as fast as I want to, and unfortunately that speed won’t be achieved until I finally start CBT.
Speaking of that, this year wasn’t totally awful on the mental health front, though, considering I both went to a gender therapist to speak about advancements in my transition and was properly diagnosed with anxiety and depression and probably autism, and I can finally start treatment for them. When I do, my own efforts won’t be in vain, and I’ll hopefully have a leg up on whatever treatment I start. I just hope it comes soon, though, because seasonal depression can actually kiss my ass and no, Pennsylvania, 11 days is NOT a suitable amount of time for a break.
Anyways, now on to the real gushy stuff where I @ my friends and acquaintances and tell them how much I lurvvvv them. So, starting off with who I met first:
@thefunrepository/Camille/pash: When you let me join your discord server, I met some of the best people and best friends I’ve ever had, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. Even though you’ve now left that server, when you were there, you tolerated so much of my incessant rambling and @ing and my overall teenage boy-i-ness, but you never made me feel excluded, and I loved every second of it. Thank you so much for even tolerating me, because when I joined and was even just talking to you, that was what I needed most. (P.S.: here’s a New Years resolution for you: FINISH A WIP thanks bye I love you)
@xinnic: my fellow Irish Catholic fam, you’ve been nothing but supportive of me and my work from day one, and I can’t count how many nights over the pretty-shitty summer I spent cooling down by rambling to you about my gay trash kids and my gay trash WIP. Likewise, I’ve never gotten tired of your ramblings about your gay trash kids and your gay trash WIP, and your rambles have singlehandedly made me weak for Roísín in 1000 different ways. You’ve always been there when I needed to talk or reference something, and when you bring your meme game, it’s top tier. I remember almost crying when you started the binder squad, and though it’s no longer around, I still appreciate it. Thank you so much for caring and just being you.
@lilquill: man, oh man do we have a weird relationship. I honestly kind of thought you were annoying at first and no that’s not unique to you but I also warmed up to you really quickly. Your energy levels are unmatched and no matter how tired I am, your ability to somehow shout over text fixes that. You’ve spearheaded so many weird and memorable moments for the hell server, including the readings that led us to our voice reveals, to the ACOTRASH find and replace kerfuffle, and so many other things. Besides that, you’ve been a great friend, always pushing me to do better and be better and calling me out when necessary; I may not show it the best, but I appreciate all of it, and I probably wouldn’t be who I am right now without you. You’re also one of the bravest and most outspoken people I know, with the whole whiteblr deal only proving how willing you are to speak out against bullshit and bigotry. Thank you so much for your undying support of me and of everyone else, and I only hope to be as badass as you someday.
@gingerly-writing: ok please don’t be upset that yours is slightly shorter than everyone else’s but I wasn’t around you as much SO. You’re an insanely talented writer and memeing at you as well as sharing my writing has been so fun. I annoy you so much but you still manage to tolerate me and honestly that’s insanely commendable. I want to see you succeed in all of your projects this year and the next and the next and so on, as well as continue giving amazing advice; when you told me I was really good at characterisation, it was the first time I’d ever gotten proper writing advice, and I’ll cherish it always. Thank you for being a pal and dealing with mine (and someone else’s who we’ll mention later) shenanigans.
@olympusrox123: Sian, you fucking Aussie meme, I love you so much and you won’t get this until later because you’re on a goddamn plane but oh well. You’re insanely funny and smart, and you’ve made me laugh so many times I can’t keep count. When you took part in the name change shenanigans on discord, that was when I knew you were A Top Tier Meme and someone I could send only my freshest. Apart from that, you’re so sweet and have always been interested in what I have to say; plus, I love screaming at you about whatever and whenever and that time we read the Sherlock fic? Godly. Anyways, I just want to say that I heckin love you and that I hope you stay just as you are. Thank you for being you.
@ardentlythieving: oh man oh man oh man my ultimate meme buddy. My compadre. Second member of the three Memesketeers. The shit we’ve gotten up to together is amazing and I’ve loved every second of it. From the day we met we’ve been basically inseparable members, despite your penchant for backstabbing and betraying my meme plans due to your chaotic neutral nature, and every memey thing we’ve done together and every in joke we’ve made has been one of the most memorable meme moments of my life. You’ve always been there when I wanted or needed to just let loose my chaotic energy, and the fact that you just sort of adopted me into both your meme house and your internet family in general has made me so happy. I’ve loved playing SWTOR with you and talking about Thrawn with you and sending you the worst shit I can find, and I wouldn’t trade a second of it. Thank you for being your memey-ass self, and if I don’t get even better memes this year I’m flying to your hell-sheep-rock-land to fight you.
@thornheartcat: we’re waaaaay too fucking similar for our own good. To our taste in video games and anime (max weebage) to our experiences with ASD, I’ve found so many ways to relate to you, which has made talking to you so fun. And that’s another thing: you’re older than me by a lot, but you’ve never treated me any differently, which has meant so much to me. You’ve always put me on equal ground with you and the rest of your friends, and have tolerated my fuckery since day 1, even if you do have some questionable choices in media you enjoy. The long and short of it is, you’re hella rad and hella nerdy, and I love nerding out with you. Thank you for seeing past my age and treating me just like anyone else.
@catcatamelia: chaotic Aussie lesbian says what??? Amelia you’re fucking great and so talented and so creative, and you’re so much fun to be around. I love playing shitty and good video games with you, as well as just talking and memeing back and forth and watching you draw; you’re so amazingly multitalented and interesting that I never get bored around you. I wish that we could hang out via the interwebs more, but bullshit scheduling is bullshit scheduling and whatcha gonna do. You’ve also always been there to comfort me because, like so many of my amazing friends, we share so many issues and commonalities that you always know just what to say. Thank you for never being afraid to open up and just be your wild self. Please never change.
@sea-reader: I left you for last because I have the most to say to you. Our relationship has been up and down in the almost one year we’ve known each other, and it’s mostly due to me. Since we started talking on discord, I’ve always loved listening to you talk about whatever; you always bring your own energy and passion to it, and even if it’s about stuff I don’t know a whole ton about, I’m never bored listening to you talk about it. You’re funny, and smart, and talented, and I’m so glad to have met you in the first place. You were a major factor in helping me out of my shell; there wasn’t a day that went by in the first half of this year where I didn’t mention you in some capacity to someone I knew because you’d said something hilarious or really smart or had brought some new idea I’d never thought of to the table or just done something. Was it the most healthy thing in the world? No, and looking back on it we started getting unhealthy even before The Thing That I’m Not Going To Mention In Public, but we’re continuing to grow and improve even to this day, and for that I’m forever thankful. You could have easily shut me out after that incident, but you didn’t; you gave me a second chance that I’ve rarely ever gotten, and I’m so, so glad. I know we likely won’t ever be as close as we once were, nor will we be able to talk like we once did, but that’s okay, because it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be us, and it has to be healthy, and that’s enough for me. I love you more than I can say, just like everyone else, and I can only hope 2019 brings the best for the both of us. Thank you for being a friend, Lori, because our relationship, the good and the bad, was part of what I needed and got from all of the people I interacted with and met this year. Happy New Year, you dork.
If I missed anyone, please forgive me; it’s now 7 minutes to 2019, and I’m rushing. Tl;dr; Happy New Years, everyone. Be a little better, because you can be, even if you don’t think so.
-Geoff.
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Arcade Fire’s Win Butler Responds to Criticism of the Band’s Much-Maligned, ‘Misunderstood’ Everything Now Rollout
Ever since Arcade Fire roared out of Montreal in 2004 with the release of its instant-classic debut album, Funeral, the band has built a critically and popularly successful career as purveyors of emotionally earnest, musically galvanizing rock. So it struck some observers as a little discordant when, in advance of its recent Everything Now album, the band undertook a decidedly un-earnest prerelease campaign, flooding the internet for a brief time with, among other things, satirical music criticism, bogus marketing tie-ins, and fake-news stories.
The critical response to the campaign was not kind, and the album, too, was met with some of the toughest reviews of the band’s career. Front man Win Butler has suggested that skeptical critics — of both the promotional high jinks and the album itself — may be missing the point. For the first time in its career, a band with an undeniable gift for connection seems, both intentionally and not, to have crossed a lot of wires. Speaking from the tour bus on the way to a concert in Boston, Butler explained the thinking behind the Everything Now campaign, and his reaction to what he sees as the confusion surrounding the album.
I’ve seen you refer to the Everything Now campaign as an “experiment.” So what was the purpose of that experiment? And now from the vantage point of seeing the album out in the world for a few weeks, do you think the experiment was successful?
A big question for us was “How do you release a record post–Donald Trump?” Since we were making a record called Everything Now, and it would be coming out after that election, it felt like a real moment to try and address subjects like fake news and how the media works. The other part of it is that when you make a record in this modern context, it instantly gets refracted in the media. There’s all this side content, this trail that follows everything. So we thought that maybe we’d just make all that content, as opposed to just making the art. That stuff was going to get made anyway, so why not make it ourselves?
Those are sort of more practical explanations. What ideas and theories were you testing?
It’s a little bit like when you go to the doctor and they put dye in your bloodstream — we just wanted to see where fake-news articles about the band would go. The media is built for clicks now, and we were trying to see firsthand how it all works. I feel like I now understand on a much deeper level why Trump got elected. Negativity is what travels. So we learned more about how the internet functions, and how it’s an insane feedback loop. It’s like, we just played a show in London that was one of the best shows we’ve ever played there. It was honestly so fucking exciting. And at the show we sold a T-shirt where we put an ironic Everything Now logo on top of Kylie Jenner’s face. It was visually punk as hell. We knew doing that would get a lot of press pickup but every single news outlet in the world covered it. Somehow there’s a story in that, but there’s not really a story in Band Is Really Amazing at Music and Plays a Live Show and People Cry Because It’s So Beautiful. So it was really interesting to us to see what got picked up about Arcade Fire. That idea plays into what we were doing as well: We were providing the ammunition for people who wanted to write negative things about the band: Here you go! Here’s something to be outraged about!
Is it possible, just on a personal level, that you give too much emotional weight to negative coverage of the band? What you just said about providing ammunition makes it seem like Everything Now was being released with a preemptive feeling of defensiveness. But I think it’s fair to say that, on balance, Arcade Fire have been hugely successful with critics and audiences.
I understand that criticism. The success we’ve had is one in a million. But there’s an overall level of meanness online — I think it was worth pointing out the disingenuousness of that stuff. I remember when Lana Del Rey played Saturday Night Live. Say what you will about her, but she’s a real fucking artist, and the media reaction to that performance was like people were trying to ruin her career. Did they really want to ruin this person? Or did that stance play better online? Like I said, so much of it seems very disingenuous. And I’m not just talking shit about music journalists now. I know how lucky the band has been. But publications are tightening their belts and people have to churn out more stuff, and the media landscape has changed — it’s turned into a fucking meat grinder. The Everything Now campaign was happening in the context of all that and coming out of an election where we essentially elected Mussolini as president of the United States. It would’ve been hard for us to just be like, “So this is our new record!” I wouldn’t know how to not try and address what’s going on in the world.
Did the marketing campaign negatively color how people heard the new music?
I don’t know. I think some things were misunderstood. From my perspective, the album is musically one of the best things we’ve ever done. It’s also one of the most earnest. People have called it a cynical record, but I don’t think any honest attempt to listen to the music really supports that reading. So it’s hard for me to square that with the negative reception —which hasn’t been the case in Europe, where they took the campaign much differently. Obviously the French are not going to have as much of a problem understanding a meta news campaign; you don’t have to explain any of this to a French journalist. Everything we’ve done has been pretty obvious if you read past the headlines of the stories, which is something else we’ve learned people don’t really do. The other reality of it, for me, is that fans are enjoying the album and listening to it. So again, it’s hard to square what’s been written about Everything Now with my experience of Everything Now.
I can’t imagine there was a lot of backslapping and handshaking after you guys saw that fake-news stories you put out were picked up as real. Has it been at all emotionally satisfying to test your idea that the media is broken?
It wasn’t triumphant, but these aren’t exactly triumphant times. We’re not in a particularly feel-good mood. It’s extremely dire and extremely dark right now. When things are this shitty, sometimes nihilism is a good response. It’s like the punk-rock movement in the U.K.— the Sex Pistols cursing on TV. It’s not overtly political, but in the context of the politics of those times, it’s just “fuck this fucking shit.” We weren’t excited about making people feel weird. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a valid thing to do.
It seems like you have a clear sense of your intentions for the Everything Now campaign. Does other people’s being less clear suggest that maybe the band’s execution wasn’t as sharp as it could’ve been? Or that maybe the tone was coming off more snide than you’d hoped?
Maybe there was a certain amount of naïveté on our behalf about how things would be received. I guess at the very core of it, we were hoping that, at least among our fans, we could contribute to a conversation about thinking about what you read, not taking things at face value, critical thinking. Maybe certain parts of that got away from us.
Like what?
The thing that really got away from us in the most fascinating way was when we played a show in Brooklyn. There was this kind of big story about how we demanded there be a dress code, which was completely false and was something that could’ve been corroborated by a simple phone call or email to our publicist. But instead of that, there was this sea of outrage: “How dare they do this!” There was even an article written in Canada slagging the band about the dress code after it was clear that we had nothing to do with any dress code. A journalist writing about something after it was proven fake was not something we’d anticipated happening. But I can’t say I was surprised, because that’s where the culture’s at now. Fake news becomes something that real news has to respond to. It’s totally insane. From my perspective though, the Everything Now fake-news campaign lasted about a week and a half, and let a lot of people know that there was a new Arcade Fire album coming out. So I’m not really sweating a lot of this.
Does the response to the campaign — and what I imagine was the difficulty of putting it together — make you at all want to go the Radiohead route and basically just let the music do all the talking from now on?
We only did something like five interviews for Reflektor. This is by far the longest interview I’ve given for this album.
Maybe you didn’t give a lot of interviews for Reflektor, but you promoted it with a special on network TV. The band wasn’t exactly shy about letting people know it had an album out.
But the thing is, it’s bad to me when a record comes out and people are like, “Oh my god the new Radiohead record! Yes!” — then it’s gone the next day. It might as well not have existed. Remember when Radiohead played the MTV Beach House for Pablo Honey? You watch that video and you can tell the band was in hell. That was some stupid-ass shit, but you know what? That’s where I learned about Radiohead. They suffered through that, but they did it because they wanted people to hear their music. Before OK Computer, they toured the U.S. opening for Alanis Morrissette — most British bands weren’t doing stuff like that, but Radiohead wanted Americans to know about their music. Now, 20 years later, they’re still here. We want people to hear our music too. I don’t think we’d go out and open for Taylor Swift, but we want people to hear our music, too.
Would you have done anything differently with the rollout? Or put another way, has any of the critical feedback you’ve gotten rang true?
Any criticism anybody else has had of the band — I’ve already had my own way, way harsher criticisms. Honestly, we’re talking about two weeks in the lifespan of this album. You listen to some of the albums Leonard Cohen made in the ’80s, and they have cheesiest-sounding keyboards, but those are such essential records. They’ve stood the test of time. If the songs are good enough and interesting enough, the music lasts. Time will tell if Everything Now holds up — everything else is ephemeral. And if ultimately the biggest regret of my career is that some people think maybe we made a misstep with an album rollout, I can certainly live with that.
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Get to know me
Tagged by @symphonyalpha (I forgot the URL for a second and was like, “Why isn’t Jaewhy showing up when I type it in the user mention???” lol).
Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.
Last:
1. Drink: Barley water, because that’s what my family drinks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
2. Phone call: My grandma, telling me what time she needed me to drive her to her doctor’s appointment.
3. Text message: To my little brother, telling him to STFU because he kept sending me dumb shit on iMessage.
4. Song you listened to: Does SIF count? If so, “Sore wa Bokutachi no Kiseki”. If not, I was headbanging to “Paradise Lost” by Chihara Minori after dropping my grandma off at her friend’s place the other day, lol.
5. Time you cried: tbh I probably teared up a little when I was watching the footage from the Lantis preview of the Aqours 1st Live BD/DVDs ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇωஇﾟ)ﾟ｡
Have you:
6. Dated someone twice: I haven’t even dated someone once :’)))
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed exactly one person, so...hm. There was a period of time when I had conflicting emotions over what happened, but in the end, I don’t think I regret it.
8. Been cheated on: See #6.
9. Lost someone special: I’ve had a grandfather pass away, and this is probably going to sound bad, but...I really appreciated him, and he was nothing but kind to me. However, since I’d only seen him about three times in my life, the biggest way his death affected me was through my mother. It took her a while to get over my grandfather’s death, so it changed the way I behaved around her during that time.
10. Been depressed: Yes.
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Exactly once, because I made the mistake of keeping pace with my uncle in Korea who takes soju shots like a champ. This also happened to be the night before Lunar New Year, so I got chewed out by my aunt (older sister of my uncle) once she realized why I was so lethargic during the festivities. _(:3 」∠)_ I don’t regret it though, because before that I had never been hungover before and was wondering what my limit was, haha.
List 3 favorite colors:
12-14. Red, blue, and...uh...other than those two I don’t have any definite faves. I guess the third would be either yellow or purple...? I’ll just go with purple for the sake of completion.
In the last year have you:
15. Made new friends: #TeamONIBE
16. Fallen out of love: That would require me to fall in love with someone first.
17. Laughed until you cried: I think it might have been when Mayushii and King did that disastrous cooking niconama. Like...what the actual fuck, do they seriously not know anything about basic kitchen safety and hygiene???
18. Found out someone was talking about you: The number of times I’ve gone on to Discord and found out that someone in ONIBE was talkin’ smack about me... (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡) It’s all in good fun though, haha.
19. Met someone who changed you: See #15.
20. Found out who your friends are: Nothing says "friendship” like screaming your heart out at an anisong concert, eating McNuggets while insanely drunk, sleeping while squished together in a seedy neighborhood, wotaing loudly in a moving vehicle, and other various activities I did with people I had never met in real life. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ AX 2017 was hella great for ONIBE bonding.
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t think I’ve even used FB for non-work stuff since 2016 lol
General:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: If this means “I’ve actually met them in person and have had a decent conversation with them”, then maybe a few hundred? But if this means that I actually talk to them on a semi-regular basis, then, like...10, maybe. :’)
23. Do you have any pets: See my answer in the previous chain post I did. tl;dr I had a turtle and a dog in elementary school, but after that, no pets. I’d like to have a dog when I get a place of my own, though.
24. Do you want to change your name: Nope.
25. What did you do for your last birthday: Watched LLS Episode 13 in the morning and ate Korean BBQ in the evening.
26. What time did you wake up: Today? I honestly don’t remember. Sometime before 9?
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Laughing at dumb shit on Twitter and Discord, probably.
28. Name something you can’t wait for: The Delayed Viewing for the 2nd Live for the US! I’m making plans to meet up with ONIBE folks again and it’s gonna be ~L I T~
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Early in the morning. She was like “lol get up and lose some weight” while I was still in bed so I groaned back, “You’re one to talk,” and went back to sleep.
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I was gonna say “how about eliminating my student loans haha” but I suppose this is supposed to be a more serious question. I guess it’d be nice if I was a neater person. Like, my room is a total mess right now and I’m terrible at keeping track of things I should be working on...
31. Listening right now: Fun fact - I actually only listen to music while I’m driving. Otherwise, it distracts me from what I should be doing.
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup, that was the name of my debate coach when I was in junior high.
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People who hate on LL seiyuu. Like, they’re actual human beings who are working really hard to live up to the expectations of thousands - no, millions of people worldwide. To be quite honest, I invite you to tell me if you legitimately want to shit on any one of them (both µ’s and Aqours), because I have yet to see a single person who has had a good justification for doing so.
34. Most visited website: Probably Tumblr/YouTube/Twitter/Reddit, too lazy to figure out which one of those it is.
Jaewhy put in random questions here because they were missing for some reason, so I guess I’ll continue those:
35. Mole(s): I have a few around my face, but other than the one on my right cheek I don’t think they’re that noticeable? I don’t spend a lot of time in the sun like other Californians. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
36. Mark(s): I have a birthmark on the backside of my right shoulder that I’m sort of self-conscious about. It’s the perfect shape for getting a tattoo of a sunflower around it, so maybe I’ll do that some time in the future?
37. Childhood dream: Lawyer.
38. Hair color: I feel like I’ve answered this in a previous chain post, but it’s black. Duh. Though if you hold it up to the sun, some of the ends are more like dark brown.
39. Long or short: Long.
40. Do you have a crush on someone: See #16. Nope.
41. What do you like about yourself: I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at computers/video games and I still don’t need glasses. :D
42. Piercings: No, but I should probably get my ears pierced at some point?
43. Blood type: O.
44. Nickname: Yujacha, but a lot of people shorten it to “Yuja”.
45. Relationship status: Single.
46. Zodiac: Libra, Dog.
47. Pronouns: I feel like it’s obvious what gender I am, so just go with those.
48. Favorite TV show: I don’t really watch TV these days, but if I’m kicking back with some hot cocoa at like 2am I might watch Criminal Minds or something.
49. Tattoos: Nope, but like I said in #36 I’ve been thinking about it.
50. Right or left hand: Right.
51. Surgery: Wisdom teeth removal is technically dental surgery.
52. Hair dyed in different color: I had highlights in my hair a few years ago, but they faded real quick. I’m vaguely considering dyeing it brown in the distant future...?
53. Sport: It’s fun to watch the occasional match when there’s a World Cup or Olympic thing going on, but otherwise I have no interest.
54. (A question I came up with since #54 was missing) Extracurricular activities: I was a debate kid for most of my school life, and in college I was in the Korean Club and Student Union.
55. Vacation: Does the 2nd Live DV later this year count?
56. Pair of trainers sneakers *American anthem plays in the distance*: I actually need new ones because I’ve tripped while hiking on at least two separate occasions due to my shitty old sneakers.
More general:
57. Eating: Haven’t yet.
58. Drinking: Wasn’t this literally the first question?
59. I’m about to: Eat.
60. (This question was missing so I'll make one up again) Thinking about: What to eat lol
61. Waiting for: 2nd Live DV~
62. Want: Money tbh
63. Get married: I’d like to at some point, but at the moment I’m kinda tired of hearing about it from every middle-aged woman who talks to me (including my own mother).
64. Career: Working on it.
Which is better:
65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs, because they’re warm and comfy and can be shared by complete strangers.
66. Lips or eyes: I was gonna repeat a previous answer and say “eyesmiles” but since this is “lips or eyes” rather than “smiles or eyes”, I guess my answer would fall more under “eyes”.
67. Shorter or taller: Bruh, if someone’s shorter than me then I’d need to check their ID to make sure they’re not jailbait. Taller.
68. Older or younger: I’ve never dated anyone so I honestly wouldn’t know, but I’d probably look for someone close to my age first?
69. (Lmao why was 69 missing :3c I’ll just make something up again) Outgoing or shy: The former, since I’m lazy. If someone doesn’t drag me to places I’ll just lay in bed all day.
70. Nice arms or stomach: It’s actually really hard for females to have a toned stomach, so any gals with abs are like ooh~ 👀 But I actually like hands! I have smol stubby fingers so I really dig people with nice hands.
71. Sensitive or loud: The former, because I don’t need the entire neighborhood to know when I’m gettin’ laid kthnx
72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, because sure why not?
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Maybe the former, but if they’re being too much of a lil’ shit then I’d go for the latter instead. I’ve dealt with friends who take like 20 minutes to decide what to order from a menu so I know that feel. :’)
Have you ever:
74. Kissed a stranger: Nope.
75. Drank hard liquor: Yup.
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’m pretty sure I annoyed half of ONIBE during AX when I went “haha y’all are blind af” after I found out I was pretty much the only one who didn’t have corrected vision.
77. Turned someone down: I was about to say “no” and then I got a sudden flashback to a certain incident in college, wow thanks for making me remember something I had tried to forget...sooo, uh, yup.
78. Sex on the first date: See #6.
79. Broken someone’s heart: IDK if turning someone down counts as breaking their heart.
80. Had your heart broken: ...yes. I think?
81. Been arrested: Nope.
82. Cried when someone died: Do fictional characters count?
83. Fallen for a friend: Uhhhhh...kind of? It was complicated.
Do you believe in:
84. Yourself: I’d like to think that I do.
85. Miracles: KISEKI DA YO~ ...sorry, I had to. Yeah.
86. Love at first sight: Shukashuu is living proof of this.
87. Santa Claus: Nope, sorry Maki!!!
88. Kiss on the first date: Sure.
Other:
90. Current best friend(s) name: IDK if I have one. :’)
91. Eye color: I’m Asian, take a wild guess.
92. Favorite movie: I don’t really have a favorite, but I did like “Kimi no Na wa.” (Your name.) so much that I made it my phone’s lock screen.
Tagging: I've only tagged people the first time I did one of these and I’m gonna try to keep it that way. If anyone who reads this wants to give it a go, feel free~
#yujachat#chain post#queuetie panther#edited the words from british to american english spelling BECAUSE I CAN HAHA#are these even interesting to people why would u wanna know about boring old me
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Trapped
AO3 Mirror
@caustic-synishade
Bear traps. It was always fucking bear traps!
Mark swallowed down another guttural cry as pain shot through his leg. He was never really the type to stifle screams or shouts, as his fan base knew all too well, but right then being quiet was of the utmost importance. All those stealth games he’d played where noise making was a death sentence were coming back to haunt him now. All the instances he’d exclaimed, ‘Oh boy, if this game could actually hear me right now, I would be so dead! I would be utterly boned and dismembered by this monster coming for my asshole.’
Well, he certainly hoped the things chasing him down weren’t coming specifically for his asshole. The situation was terrifying enough with several razor sharp, iron teeth digging into his calf. The irony of his predicament was truly palpable. Were it not real pain radiating through his system and his real, very important life blood steadily trickling into his sock, Mark might have found it all quite humorous.
Instead, he was trying not to outright panic as the seconds steadily ticked by and he remained an absolute sitting duck. He had no idea how huge this cabin was Tyler and Ethan had rented out, but there were two of them. It was only a matter of time before they found him. Especially if they’d laid out this trap specifically because they knew he was enough of an oblivious dumbass to run straight into it.
Huffing out another shaky breath, Mark squinted in the darkness in some effort to examine the trap once more. So far as he knew, all the lights in the cabin were off and the windows were shuttered tight. The monsters chasing him probably had flashlights or, Hell, maybe they could just plain see in the dark. That would be his luck.
Unfortunately, night vision was not an ability Mark had. In fact, seeing as he required glasses, his vision happened to be below average. Thankfully, he did still have them, though one of the lenses had been cracked. They didn’t help much with the dark, though, and Mark cursed as his shaking hands fumbled over the smooth metal. “Don’t these fucking things come with some kind of a release?? Fuck,” he hissed. Gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw, Mark again tried to pry open the metal hinges that had locked up tight. He was strong, but not strong enough, and the trap’s teeth sunk back into the meat of his leg with a sickening “squelch”.
Mark had to bite hard into his own wrist to suppress another cry of pain. He could feel fresh rivulets of hot blood flowing from the semi-deep wounds to join the rest in steadily soaking his sock and shoe. The growing pungency of the smell was becoming nauseating and part of Mark was relieved he couldn’t see just how bad the damage was. He knew the material of his jeans was likely the only reason metal hadn’t gone straight to bone.
“Hnnngh… c’mon, c’mon, c’mon what do I gotta do to get rid of you, you fucking fuckerson?! You simpering pile of-”
“Ooooooh Markimoo~ Markle-Sparkle~ Where aaaare you? I can hear you cursing, y’know! This isn’t like your video games. Keep talking and one of us is gonna fiiiind yooouuu~”
“Fuck my ass.” Mark muttered fearfully under his breath as the familiar, but warped sing-song echoed his way from further down the corridor. That was definitely Ethan- or, well, what was left of Ethan. Mark still wasn’t sure about just what the Hell happened after they arrived at the cabin to shoot his “punishment”, but something insane and diabolical had overtaken both of his friends. One minute they were fine; laughing and joking around as they played up a menacing act for Mark. The next, Tyler was pulling a knife on him and Mark had been told to run. He thought it was all part of the act at first, until he’d careened straight into his old childhood friend and very nearly gotten his throat slit. The knife wasn’t fake. There weren’t any cameras rolling.
Something had gone terribly wrong.
“Markimooo~ Oh Markimooo~ I know you can hear me! C’mon, we only wanna play a little! I thought you liked horror games! You can’t keep us waiting forever. It’s too late for you to run away. I can sense your dread… I can smell your fear… it smells a lot like… blood!”
Ethan’s normally childish, bubbly laugh rang out, much closer now, echoing and bouncing off itself in a discordant mess that almost made Mark’s ears hurt. At the same time, it made him want to laugh as well and he almost swallowed his tongue at the sensation. He was in excruciating pain and bleeding heavily from his leg, so why the Hell would he want to laugh?! Mark shook himself and decided to try the chain keeping him pinned to the floor instead. It felt like it was heavily bolted to the wood beneath it, and neither of the attaching clasps were any weaker than the thick links in-between. All the metal did beneath Mark’s desperate tugs was jingle a little in tandem with Ethan’s giggles, which were steadily drifting closer… closer…
“Found you~!”
Mark gasped and snapped his head around to face the voice with wide, frightened eyes. In the darkness, all he could see were two glowing pinpricks of brilliant crimson. If he squinted, he could make out the hint of a silhouette, and his mind called back The Joy of Creation: Reborn with dread. He couldn’t run. He didn’t have a flashlight. But he wouldn’t be able to laugh off getting caught here. Mark leaned back far as he could from those burning eyes; dragging the short length of chain along the floor with him. His chest heaved wildly with panicked breaths and he gulped. “E-Ethan… Ethan, man, fuck… y-you scared me, ha ha….” His attempts at normality were flat and awkward. Mark swore he saw the stretch of a toothy grin in the darkness.
“Oh, Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark. You’re cute. Denial comes so easily to you, it’s adorable! Don’t you think so, Tyler?” The crimson pinpricks shifted upwards.
It was all the warning Mark had before there was a hand gripping roughly at his hair; dragging him up. He screamed in pain and immediately began clawing at the offending appendage with absolutely no success in doing much of anything. His feet scrabbled at the bloodied wood, left leg a useless mess, and the trap’s chain pulled taut as a knife came to rest snugly against his throat. Instantly, he stopped struggling, though with his wobbly knees the hand in his hair was just about the only thing keeping him off the ground. It stung terribly, and Mark knew more than a few hairs had been ripped out of his scalp. Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. “St-stop, stop! Wh-why’re you doing this…?!”
“You talk too much. You always talked too much. I think… we need to fix that. Ethan?”
In contrast to Ethan’s higher pitched, ringing tone, Tyler’s voice had degraded to something rough and rusty around the edges. Equally compounding and discordant, Tyler’s voice was more liable to send chills running down Mark’s spine, whereas Ethan’s just outright gave him the creeps. Both sounded inhuman. Neither carried the warmth and affection Mark had grown accustomed to over the past few months. It was as if Ethan and Tyler had been sucked out entirely; their hollowed bodies used like empty husks with a set of hands and feet. Surely, if they were still in there somewhere, they wouldn’t be letting this happen. Surely, they cared about him enough to fight back…
Ethan was getting close; directly into Mark’s personal space and he released another shaky, anxious breath. Those red eyes hadn’t lost an ounce of intensity, but now Mark could make out more of Ethan’s face. It looked the same. Even the broad smile it bore was strikingly similar to Ethan’s usual grin. However, there was just something sinister about the whole thing; about Ethan’s expression. Those eyes never left Mark’s, burrowing and burning their way past his retinas into his brain as pain abruptly tore up through his knee and into his pelvis.
Ethan had kicked his injured leg. Not just a nudge, either. Mark had felt the toe of Ethan’s sneaker purposefully strike at the spot where metal met flesh and the agony it triggered for Mark almost left him dry heaving. Instead, as he opened his mouth to scream, some kind of balled up cloth was crammed in past his teeth. He choked a bit and gagged, but Tyler’s hand was quick to release his hair in favor of clamping firmly over Mark’s now stuffed mouth. He whimpered on reflex.
“Easy there, Mark. You seem a little unsteady on your feet. Lean on me, pal. I’ve got ya, buddy. Easy… eaaaaasssyyy… shhh…..”
Mark could feel the slight vibrations of Tyler’s voice against his back as he was tugged up against his friend’s broad chest. It was, again, the only thing stopping him from simply collapsing back onto the floor. He muffled out a few more cries but the start of any wiggling was quickly put an end to as the knife returned to his neck. Mark swallowed hard and could feel the wad of cloth in his mouth already soaking up all the moisture there. He wheezed softly from his nose.
“I think he’s scared of us, Tyler.”
“Dumbass would be scared of his own shadow if he was smart enough to find it. Where’s the tape? Don’t tell me you forgot it.”
“Oooops?”
Ethan’s giggles filled up the corridor again and Mark could just envision Tyler rolling his eyes- well, whatever he had for eyes now. The grip on his mouth tightened almost to the point of being painful and he winced as he felt the knife slice just barely into his skin. A bead or two of blood trickled down and the delighted sound Ethan let loose made Mark’s stomach turn.
“I wanna play with him some more, Tyler. C’mon! Can we? Can we can we can weee? Pleeeaaase?? He’s like a scared little bunny! I want to chase him some more!”
“I know what you want. You think I don’t wanna have any fun with our friend here? But someone forgot the tape. Again. Don’t you have anything on you??”
“Only this!”
There was the sound of something heavy cutting through the air and Mark’s eyes frantically watched Ethan’s silhouette in the darkness grow. He couldn’t make out whatever it was, but he knew it probably couldn’t be good. Still, he wasn’t able to move an inch without running the risk of Tyler really slicing his throat open. It was all Mark could do to keep taking quick, wheezing breaths through his nose as one of his best friends held him steady. He felt more than heard the deep rumble of a hum from behind him.
“...that’ll do.”
“Oh, fantastic!”
They were the last words Mark heard before the sting of the knife left his neck and something heavy crashed hard across his skull. He slumped instantly in Tyler’s strong grip and in seconds his vision had gone black.
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