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eggluverz · 8 months

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WE REALLY WERE TIMELESS

PAIRING. dan heng x gn!reader (also dan feng x reader ig!)

WORD COUNT. 3,722

SUMMARY. dan heng does not want to remember his previous reincarnation, but there is one part he doesn't want to let go of forever— you.

SOF'S NOTE. i was listening to taylor swift's timeless and thinking about how much i love dan heng...and this was born :3 i love him sm and i def feel like love with dan heng could transcend all lifetimes <3 pls enjoy if ur a fellow dh lover :>

Dan Feng was many things. Cold and ruthless, some said. A merciless killer, said others. Revered and powerful, was the more popular and favorable opinion. But, what most people seemed to wipe from their memories was that he was also a lover.

A lover to you, at least. You, and only you.

His days as the Imbibitor Lunae were long and laborious. He lead countless battles to destroy threats and rescued Xianzhou fleets from annihilation.

Dan Feng was used to spending long periods away from home, but when he returned, he knew he would at least be greeted by you.

Occasionally, you were there fighting alongside him. Capable and strong. But most of the time, you preferred using your strengths to continue studying and advancing medicine. You were compassionate and knowledgeable, and you wanted to help your injured allies rather than cause more destruction.

His favorite moments with you involved the little leisure time he had between battles when he was able to stay in his residence with you, wrapped in your embrace.

Dan Feng, proud member of the High-Cloud Quintet, was left speechless and in awe at the sight of you. Those nights you spent together were filled with both heat and passion, and attention and love. Every moment he spent with you was intentional; he never took those times for granted.

Of course, those times couldn’t last.

Be it his selfishness, his arrogance, his drive to help his friend—he lost you. Not because you shunned him or turned him away, but simply because he was forced to reincarnate and locked away without the ability to say even a simple goodbye.

His love, lost in the blink of an eye. And he may never see you again.

Now, as Dan Heng, he was almost in denial when Jing Yuan informed him you forcibly reincarnated as soon as you heard the news of the Sedation of Inhibitor Lunae and slipped away from the Xianzhou Luofu.

What were you to Dan Heng? Dan Feng was no longer here and Dan Heng did not want to claim his past.

Imbibitor Lunae was not him. Renowned member of the High-Cloud Quintet was not him.

But when Jing Yuan spoke your name, memories of his previous life rushed through him. If he didn’t acknowledge his past, would that mean you had no chance of ever being his again?

Dan Heng had no attachment to the name Jing Yuan. Yingxian no longer held special meaning either. He didn’t want it to. But hearing your name stirred something in him. It caused a battle between past and present. And the present was winning until he walked along the streets of Penacony.

An intense shiver shot through his veins and the hairs on the back of his arm stood up. You were here.

He knew it. He felt it. Dan Heng didn’t know where exactly, but your presence was so powerful, it was something he couldn’t ignore. He wasn’t strong enough to.

You were his first and only romantic love— A love he thought would be eternal until he got reincarnated. The draw to you was so intense he found himself wandering the wide pathways filled with Gothic buildings until he felt the call was satiated.

It wasn’t completely gone, but he felt more relaxed. More at peace.

Dan Heng notice his body stopped in front of a library with a square roof and he immediately entered the building. The interior was filled with rows of bookshelves and large tables, busy with scholars and those here for leisurely reasons alike.

Despite all that, Dan Heng knew where you were right as he laid eyes on you.

You were half-hidden by piles of books as you took notes on a blank sheet of paper. You sat straight on the chair and briefly put your pen down when you noticed his staring. Your gaze met his as your eyes darted around the room.

When they landed on Dan Heng, you tilted your head to the side as he watched you, but you showed no signs of recognition.

His stomach churned. Of course you wouldn’t recognize him. You had reincarnated soon after Dan Feng did. Your past life was gone, your memories were gone, and he didn’t even know if your name was still the one that was so familiar on his lips.

With an inquisitive look on your face, you beckoned him over. He was surprised that you acknowledged him so overtly, but if you were anything like your past self, he shouldn’t be too shocked.

Dan Heng wondered if he should turn around and leave. Did he want to pretend he didn’t see you? Pretend that your fates weren’t inextricably linked?

His heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest as he turned away, ready to go on as if this never occurred so he could continue his life as Dan Heng with no ties to the previous Imbibitor Lunae. He began walking out of the library, shoving his feelings down deep to hide them away for good.

The cold outside air hit his face as he opened the door. It felt damp out—as if it were raining.

Dan Heng touched the wet drops on his face before he realized it wasn’t rain. It was his tears.

It pained him more than he cared to admit. His past love was here and he was going to throw it away before he even had another chance. He grit his teeth and clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms so deep it hurt the flesh. But it had nothing on the pain his heart was feeling.

He couldn’t do it, he realized. He couldn’t severe the bond from his past completely— Dan Heng couldn’t severe his bond with you. He’d lose a part of himself he wasn’t even aware he still had.

The muscles in his body screamed as he entered the library once more, this time walking straight to you instead of basking in hesitation. You looked confused as you stared up at him, probably wondering why he ignored you, left, and came back all in the span of one minute.

“Hi there! Can I help you?”

Dan Heng instantly froze at your words. He yearned for the familiarity; a sense of comfort washed over him at your simple acknowledgement.

But it didn’t look like you knew who he was. There wasn’t an ounce of recognition on your face even as he stood closer.

It’s me. Do you remember? he wanted to ask. The desire to reach out and grab your hand, touch your face, was strong enough to make his heart pound. But he refrained. If you didn’t know who he was, it might frighten you if he did that. And discomfort was the last thing Dan Heng wanted to make you feel.

You laughed nervously, letting out a single cough to fill the silence.

Dan Heng, realizing he hadn’t said a word, quickly scanned the books you had stacked up. They were books on medicine and the evolution of healthcare. He tried to find something relevant to say.

“I almost gave someone CPR once.”

You blinked slowly, a small and uncertain smile on your face. “That’s great! I think…” For a moment, you considered what he said. “I supposed it’s not great if someone was in a situation where they needed CPR. But it is great you were willing to help.”

Dan Heng nodded, glad his plan went well.

“Why did they need CPR? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“We found them unconscious. They had a weak heartbeat and pulse so I wanted to make sure they stayed alive.”

You took in this information, looking slightly impressed. “Typically, we start CPR when there’s no pulse, but if the individual begins gasping for breathe, it’s usually a good sign to start CPR.”

“I see.”

The two of you fell into a long silence before you gently cleared your throat.

“Is that all you had to say?” you asked. Dan Heng suspected you didn’t exactly buy that he wanted to talk to you solely about CPR. “Earlier, when you were looking at me, you had a strange look on your face. It looked like you recognized me.”

Dan Heng stilled.

You clasped your hands together on top of the table, leaning forward almost conspiratorially. “Do I know you?”

His breathing quickened at the prospect of you remembering your past with him.

“Maybe from a birthday party as a kid? Or did we go to the same school?”

Dan Heng’s face dropped. “Oh. No.”

You hummed in thought.

“You…might know me, though.”

Curiously, you raised your brows at his vague response. He wondered if he should stop himself, but he wanted to tell you about your past life. Maybe then you would remember him.

But would that be a good idea? Would it work in the first place?

Dan Heng didn’t know.

He felt impulsive but he needed to talk to you more. “I can explain more, but can we go outside first?”

You craned your neck to the side, considering your options. He knew what he asked of you was something ridiculous in the eyes of a stranger. To stop what you were doing, take time out of your day, and follow this man you had only just spoken to with no explanation.

It was wishful thinking to expect a yes.

Yet somehow, you always managed to surprise him. “Of course. Let me just return these books.”

Dan Heng tried to hide how pleased he was as he patiently waited for you to turn the books back into the librarian. He offered to help you carry them, but you managed to gather the heavy stack into your arms in its entirety.

“Now I’m ready,” you said with a smile, eyes studying him in wonder. You looked confused, but you didn’t seem concerned. Perhaps something inside of you also sensed familiarity. “Do you want to see the stars with me?”

He nodded and you led him to a clear, grassy spot away from the town. The grass was tall and green, pastel wildflowers growing amongst the landscape. You smoothed down your clothes and sat on the soft ground. Dan Heng sat next to you, careful to respect your personal space and keep a slight distance.

He took in the scenery of the night before he saw you gazing at the stars. He quickly followed suit, tilting his head back.

Moments of tranquil silence passed by before he asked, “Do you know what I am?”

You didn’t miss a beat, almost as if you were expecting that question to come. “You appear human, but your presence doesn’t feel as so.”

“Much like you, correct?” he countered. “A Vidyadhara.”

You touched your head instinctively, the place where your horns should be. With wide eyes, you hastily put your arms back against your sides.

Dan Heng raised his brow.

“I thought my appearance had changed suddenly,” you said with a nervous laugh.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry to cause such alarm. You don’t need to worry; you still appear human as well.”

“It’s not as if I’m trying to pretend I’m not a Vidyadhara,” you explained, “it’s just easier to live here and be unnoticed with this appearance.” You looked away from the starry sky and turned to face Dan Heng. “And you— Why do you choose to appear human?”

“I refuse to pay for the sins of my past reincarnation. It’s not me,” he said, voice tense. “That’s not who I am.”

“You remember your past reincarnation?” you asked, your body perking up. Embarrassed by your eagerness, you stilled. “Sorry. That’s insensitive. There must be a reason you don’t want to remember. Sometimes, I just can’t help but wish I did.”

The corners of Dan Heng’s mouth tilted upward. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t care for my past…except for one particular detail.”

You shifted your position to sit with your legs folded over the other. You didn’t say anything, instead letting him speak as he felt comfortable.

“Maybe one particular person is more accurate.”

Your eyes closed as you breathed deeply, the wind blowing around the two of you as if creating a bubble from the rest of the world. In deep concentration, you changed into your normal Vidyadhara form. Your ears were pointed, regal horns emerged from the top of your head, and you looked taller as your tail appeared underneath you.

Expectantly, you looked at him.

Dan Heng hesitated, but soon followed suit. He felt his body change to the one of his past as he revealed his true form to you.

“Am I the person in your past?” you asked slowly, examining everything from his turquoise horns and dark hair, to his long tail landing in a semi-circle around you.

He smiled to himself. Attentive as always, he thought. Lifetimes had passed, the galaxies never stopped moving, yet you were just as he remembered. Your experiences may have been different, as did the environment you grew up in, but at your core, you were still thoughtful, caring, and intelligent. No matter the reincarnation, you were still you— His beloved.

A conflicted look formed on his face as that thought. Dan Heng was getting ahead of himself. He wasn’t Dan Feng. You couldn’t be his.

You didn’t let his lack of response deter you, instead staring up at him with a hopeful gaze. “I’m sorry if that’s too personal of me to ask. It’s only… Something about you just feels safe and warm.”

His tail swayed back and forth. You felt it too?

“But you’re a stranger in this life, as far as I know,” you said with small laugh. “So why do you seem so familiar? Perhaps it means in my previous, you weren’t so strange.”

Dan Heng noticed his tail getting closer to your body before he managed to sway it the other way. You bumped yours against his mischievously. He jolted in surprise, both at the sudden touch of his tail—which he hadn’t felt in years and years—but also the small spark running through him at the point of contact.

You bristled as well. “What was that?”

“I am not sure either.”

For a moment, you were lost in your thoughts. He wondered what you were thinking as your eyes swirled, looking more captivating than any galaxy he has ever seen. Your elegant horns looked as if they were glowing against the night sky and he wanted to reach out and feel them like he used to. One of your sensitive spots, he remembered.

“I felt something when our tails brushed,” you said slowly, thinking your words through. “It wasn’t much, but it felt like a glimpse of my previous life. Do you think I can touch you more?”

Dan Heng absolutely did not mind if you touched him. Anywhere—for that matter. But he figured what was visible would be safest for the time being. He bowed his head, offering his horns to start with. “As you wish.”

You smiled brightly and his heart fluttered. He felt deep down he would do anything for you. Even confront his past life. And he vowed that what he didn’t do in his past life—spend enough time with you before it was too late—he would do in this. If only you allowed him.

Reaching out, your gaze was fixed on his tall horns. You started with a careful touch to the tip and ran your fingers down to where his horns branched out. Heat and cold were both searing through his body at the touch and he was certain from your expression you felt the same. Your hands trailed down his face, feeling the point of his ears and resting on his cheek.

Whether it was from the pain of the intensity coursing through you or whether it was because you were remembering your past life, Dan Heng saw tears rolling down your cheeks.

He brought his hand up to you to wipe them away, but stopped right before he could touch your skin. “May I?”

You nodded, a light sniffle coming from you and Dan Heng yearned to be of comfort.

He started with a light brush of his thumb to gather the wetness on your face, gently wiping it off. Then, same as you did to him, he felt the elongation of your ears and ran hs fingers from the base of your horns to the very top. They were just as smooth as he remembered and he felt you tremble at the touch. He smiled. They were still also as sensitive as ever.

“Are any memories resurfacing for you?” he said quietly.

Your eyes were squeezed shut yet tears still leaked from them. It took a while for your to respond, overwhelmed by all the emotions, but eventually you managed to ask, “Is it… Dan Feng?”

“Dan Heng now,” he gently corrected. “I don‘t go by that name anymore.”

At that confirmation, you cried even more, jumping into his arms and burying your face in his chest.

“It‘s been so long,” you said in exasperation, your words mixed with sniffles. “The Sedation— We didn’t even get to say goodbye!” You paused, removing yourself from his chest and looking up at him. “Rather, I didn’t get to say goodbye to Dan Feng. But with you here, maybe now I can.”

He nodded in understanding. His ending was so abrupt. Due to his own hubris and for the life of his closest friend, he ended up sacrificing himself. And in the long run, he learned he even sacrificed you. Dan Heng would never treat your relationship with him so casually again. He should’ve showed you it was the top priority in his life.

Dan Heng watched in silence as you closed your eyes and whispered under your breath. He didn’t fully understand what you were saying, but he allowed you to have your private moment and say your goodbyes. He said goodbye to the past you as well—a right that was also stripped away from him as he was forced into reincarnation without second thought. Anger rose in his cheeks at those who took that away from him. From you. But it died down. Ultimately, what Dan Feng did wasn’t a part of him now. Maybe the person he is today wouldn’t have agreed with those past actions in the first place.

Moments turned into minutes and minutes turned to hours before you finally opened your eyes and looked at him. Your gaze was clearer, as if it was truly him—Dan Heng—you were seeing.

You smiled wistfully, hand gently stroking the spine of his tail. “I may have said goodbye to Dan Feng, but, at your core, the Dan Heng in front of me still feels like the man I love.”

He hummed in thought. He understood exactly what you were feeling. “Your core is the same too,” he said, his palm resting on your chest where your heart was beating. “You’re someone I will always love. And I’m sorry it took me so long to find you.”

Your face broke into an expression of sadness and Dan Heng felt his heart tightened.

“I’m sorry I, as Dan Feng, left you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you until the end.”

You shook your head, trying to force a happy look on your face. “No, it’s okay. You didn’t leave me. You were taken and punished and I couldn’t say goodbye. But I forgive you.”

“Why? I valued my power and my friend’s life and, ultimately, was selfish and didn’t consider the impact on yours. There are so many reasons I don’t want to hold onto my past. But if being here with you means facing it, I will.”

You sighed, a small, sad chuckle escaping your lips. “You see someone selfish and arrogant, but I see a kind and selfless soul who wanted his friend to be there with him forever.”

Dan Heng thought back in shame of the Blade he met on Luofu.

“Our pasts are linked, but so are our presents,” you said, lifting his chin up. “You’re not Dan Feng anymore, are you?”

He nodded firmly.

You smiled in acceptance. “You’re not exactly my first love, Dan Feng, but I have a feeling I’ll like this Dan Heng person even more, anyway.”

His body immediately warmed and he wanted to melt into your touch. You were always so kind, so thoughtful. Dan Feng may have messed up and got the two of you separated, but he would never.

“In our last life and this life, and if we have even more to come, we will always find each other,” he vowed.

You touched your forehead to his before leaning in for a kiss. He met your lips as if he were securing a promise. A promise not to leave you again, a promise he was really here, and a promise he still loved you. There was so much he had to learn about your new life—and you, his. But Dan Heng was certain it’d only make him love you more.

He had gone through the betrayal of a friend, the betrayal of a nation, and death and exile from the very place he once called home, but no pain compared to that of losing you. And now that he found you again, he didn’t want to make the same mistakes as his past reincarnation.

You placed your hand on his cheek and deepened the kiss, breaking him out of his thoughts. Your hand was warm against the cool air of the night. Dan Heng ran his hand down to your waist and wrapped around to rest on the small of your back. He pushed you closer to him, wanting to feel your body against his. The heat emanated through the fabric of your clothes and the faint smell of wildflowers and vanilla filled his senses. It was a familiar scent he had always loved.

He smiled into the kiss and you moved closer, draping a leg around his hip. Dan Heng didn’t ever want to let you go, but he knew he had nothing to fear. Now he knew the strength of your bond—how the draw to each other could withstand lifetimes.

Not even time itself could separate you from him.

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #dan heng #dan heng x you #dan heng x y/n #dan feng x reader #dan feng #inhibitor lunae #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr fanfiction #hsr fluff #hsr imagines #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #inhibitor lunae x reader

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hedgehog-moss · 1 year

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Update on May 1st protests and how the french goverment handled them?

^ The May 1st protests were pretty violent esp. in Paris; two cops were set on fire (they're ok, one has 2nd degree burns), lots of destruction in city streets, and hundreds of injured protesters. The French gov is sticking to its M.O. of denying any police violence against protesters, emphasising protesters' violence and portraying it as mindless anti-democratic savagery rather than the result of their own anti-democratic policies.

There were more people protesting in the streets on Monday than at any other May Day protest in the past 20 years (by a large margin—7 to 10x more people than usual.) And the numbers are still impressive in terms of this current social movement—there were about 1.2 million people at the first protest against the pension reform in January, 900K at one of the February protests, around 1.1M on March 7 and I think 1.2M on March 23rd... We're in May and there were 800K people in the streets on Monday (using the police's probably low estimate). The first marches earlier this year were peaceful; people started destroying shit in March after the 49.3 (=the gov not letting elected representatives vote on the reform); in the following weeks we saw a brutal escalation of police violence + suppression of just about any means of non-violent protest, which results in more violence.

The vast majority of protesters are still peaceful, but in terms of providing context for the increased violence, well—people protested peacefully, peaceful protests got banned. People banged pots and pans, pots and pans got banned and confiscated. People started a petition on the National Assembly website which got a record number of signatures, the petition was closed before its deadline and ignored. MPs asked (twice!) for a national referendum on the reform to be held, their requests were denied. Electricity unionists cut power in buildings Macron was visiting, now he travels around with a portable generator. Unions tried to distribute whistles and red cards (penalty cards) to football supporters before the French Cup finale last week, so the ones who wanted could use them if Macron showed up (he ended up hiding and greeting the footballers indoors rather than publicly on the stadium lawn); the police prefecture tried banning union members from gathering outside the stadium to distribute these items (although the ban was struck down by the judiciary as it was illegal, like most bans these days...)

Confiscating saucepans was already so absurd it felt like a gratuitous fuck you, but now they're trying to prevent the distribution of pieces of red paper. Cancelling petitions that would have had no real impact anyway. Prosecuting people for insulting Macron. Arbitrarily arresting hundreds of nonviolent protesters to intimidate them out of protesting (guess who's left then?). The French gov is systematically repressing democratic or nonviolent means of making your opinion heard, and when people get more violent they're like "This is unacceptable, don't these terrorists know there are other means of expressing dissent??" Where? This week a 77-year-old man was summoned to the police station and will be forced to take a "citizenship course" for having a banner outside his house that read "Macron fuck you" (Macron on t'emmerde). Note that he would have been arrested (like the woman who was arrested at her home and spent a night in police custody for calling Macron "garbage" on Facebook) but they decided not to only because of his age.

So that's where we're at; on Monday two cops caught on fire (well, their fireproof suit did) after protesters threw a Molotov cocktail at them. (The street medic who tried to help them with their burns ended up getting shot by a cop's riot gun a few seconds later—with French police no good deed goes unpunished!) The media talked a lot more about this incident than about the fact that the cop who got most severely injured on that day (broken vertebrae) was injured by an explosive grenade that a colleague of his meant to throw at protesters (you can see it at the end of the video below). If police with all their protective gear get so badly injured by their own weapons, no wonder the worst injuries have been on the protesters' side. (nearly 600 injured protesters on May 1st, 120 severely, according to street medics.) I'm not including images of these incidents in the video but on May 1st a protester had his hand mutilated by a police grenade + a 17 year old girl was hit in the eye by a grenade fragment, may end up losing it (during the Yellow Vests protests, Macron's first attempt at repressing a social movement, 38 protesters lost an eye or a hand).

What you see in the video: cops charging the front of a march to tear a banner off people's hands then retreating and drowning the street in tear gas when protesters throw paint bombs at them (protesters have umbrellas because of police drones); at 0:30, a journalist saying "They're not even arresting him, just kicking him when he's down—they kicked him right in the face!" then police spraying with tear gas protesters who try to fend them off; at 0:46 when a protester being arrested asks a journalist if he's filming and starts reading out loud a cop's ID number, another cop shoves the journalist and throws him to the ground; at 0:54, an Irish journalist runs away from the police tear gas grenades that you hear going off, at 01:08, the incident mentioned above when a cop drops a grenade he tried to throw, which explodes in his group, breaking another cop's vertebrae. There's a lot more I'm not including, like how CNN said "there's so much tear gas in Paris, our foreign correspondent can barely breathe", how another journalist was hit by a sting-ball grenade (he was also bludgeoned on the head so hard it broke his helmet—even though cops know the people wearing helmets are journalists...), and yet another journalist who was calling out a cop for aiming at people's heads with his riot gun (which is illegal) ended up having the guy aim the riot gun at his head from 2 metres away (getting shot with this "less lethal weapon" from that distance would be lethal.)

All of these videos are from May 1st (most of them from this account monitoring police violence.)

So yeah, nonviolent protests followed by violent police repression and bans of nonviolent means of protesting result in more violent protests. The French government responds by a) pikachu surpris, b) condemning violent protesters and praising violent police to the skies, c) continuing to ban everything they can think of. Confiscating saucepans didn't work but confiscating pieces of red paper will do the trick! Let's prosecute people for bashing or burning an effigy of Macron, because banning symbolic violence always works to prevent actual violence! And this week after the May 1st protests we learnt that the gov is thinking of making street barricades illegal, because that'll definitely solve everything. It's going to be interesting for history teachers to teach students about the 1789 revolution that allowed us to take down an absolutist regime and become a republic, under a government that banned barricades because they see them as terrorist anti-republican structures.

^ Statue symbolising the French Republic (on Place de la République in Paris) dressed with a 'Macron resign' shirt by protesters on May 1st.

#ask #frpol #left-wing MPs this week asked to hold a debate in the Assembly about the repression of this social movement #the Minister of the Interior (in charge of police) didn't come but sent his delegate instead #the delegate refused to admit to any problem with law enforcement and at some point walked out as a MP was asking a question #this happened 1 day after the UN Human Rights Council condemned the French gov's violent & racist law enforcement #god there's so much infuriating shit happening every single day

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sinner-sunflower · 1 month

Text

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 14/?

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22

The next part might be a pov from the hotel with Charlie and co.

----------------------------------------------------

It's not going well.

Everyone is close to their breaking points. Lucifer curses under his breath as another overlord and a Goetia pass out.

They've been performing the ritual for 4 hours straight and every time they manage to possibly succeed, a stronger wave comes out- the worsening poison of the miasma sure isn't making things easier.

His infection throbs.

Paimon: My Lord! Another Goetia has fallen!

Asmodeus: We're losing numbers, Luci! We should retreat for now!

Lucifer: No! We can't afford to lose a Ring.

Shit! Even with Goodie's powers, it's not enough. Lucifer begins to think that maybe he should've tried with Heaven- No. He shakes his head. Heaven would rather sacrifice humanity if it would mean destroying all of Hell.

Lucifer: Goodie!

Goodie: I cannot give more of something I do not have, angel. I warned you that my support alone will most likely not stop this.

Lucifer: We should at least be denting it!

At that moment, the sea of flowers let out piercing howls bringing everyone to a stop, hands flying up to their ears to block the noise. Lucifer himself felt his own ears bleed from the sound.

Dark roots began to move upward, carrying the screaming flowers to the skies. It went up until it reached the giant pentagram in the sky, essentially forming a giant tree. Some sort of whole then opened itself up at the bottom- like it's giving way. Like it's-

Lucifer: A door.

Someone beside Lucifer yelled for him.

Leviathan: Luci! Your marks!

When he gave the Sin of Envy a confused look, Alastor summoned a mirror for him to use. The radio demon's smile never leaves his face but Lucifer can see it strained.

Alastor: Sire, it seems that I have lost in being the first to devour you in your entirety.

Lucifer ignores the TV guy's indignant 'what the fuck?!!' in the background, instead he focuses on his reflection. It looks like Alastor was talking literally and not making a weird innuendo.

The infection he got from touching Roo's remnants has now reached his face. His right eye has turned black from the infection, and it's slowly making its way to the left.

The King doesn't feel it until he sees it. He vaguely hears Belphegor's cries, noises of disbelief, and the pained groans of the demons around him.

There's still a way.

Lucifer: Goodie. What do I need to do?

The Good of Humanity produces a piece of paper and blows it in Lucifer's direction. It melted to his skin as soon as it made contact.

Goodie: This might be the only way to stop my sister. That is an ancient seal from before the Nothing- strong enough to render God and beings like Roo weak.

Satan: Huh?! Then why didn't you just let us use that from the start??

Goodie: Because there is a condition.

Lucifer: And what's that?

He asks but he has a feeling he already knows.

Goodie: It must be performed from the inside. It needs to be as close as possible to the one you are sealing. The hold will be stronger with proximity. And with you being the highest power here...

Belphegor: Then that means-!

Lucifer: I need to be the one to go in there.

Immediately after he said it out loud, multiple protests erupted. The Sins are trying to talk him out of it while Paimon and a few Goetia are yelling at Goodie.

Mammon: Mate, this is fucked-

Satan: I'll go to Heaven myself if I have-

Belphegor: There must be another way-

Asmodeus: We'll save our strength. Lust can handle-

Beelzebub: You're crazy! You're gonna die-

Leviathan: I am not letting you go on this suicide mission, Luci!-

All the while, he and Goodie never broke eye contact. Lucifer stares, looking for something he doesn't really know in her expression. He raises his hands and everyone quiets.

Lucifer: Are you sure this will stop her?

Goodie: You are the key, angel. It must be you.

Lucifer finally looks at the camera in the sky. It had been there the whole time, probably by the TV demon. He thinks of his little girl who is probably watching with worry at the safety of the hotel. He can only hope that his next course of action won't hurt her in the long run.

----------------------------------------------------

that's suspicious.

that's weird.

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circeyoru · 2 months

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Hello you amazeing writer!! I'm here and for starters, I just wana say HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR WRITEING HDHDGDGDG

*Cough cough* Anyways...I am here to add a sprinkle of angst, cause it feeds my blood-lust /j

I remember reading a non-canon version of your "Unwanted soul" fic, where the reader gets redemed (like Sir Pantious) and at the end, they het back to hell while keeping some of the angelic fetures (like the wings) and Alastor ripped them off, ignoreing readers crys (sience now he wasn't under contract).

I was wondering...what if, after all that, reader woldn't actulay fully forget Alastor? Personaly, I really REALLY hate feeling any kind of pain, even if it's as small as a paper-cut, so what if reader gets so upset over all that that they ignore Alastor and just start feeling mode down than usual?

Other than that, I HOPE U HAVE AN AMAZIENG DAY/NIGHT!! HOPE I DIDN'T BOTHER MUCH :3

HAD A STRESSFUL DAY! BUT I'M HERE TO DESTRESS!! NO BOTHER AT ALL!! Okay, back to normal.

Go to MASTERLIST for the works. This ask is for {Unwanted Souls}. The specific mentioned ask is this, so give them a read before this.

The angst is back. Prepare yourself, really, I mean it...

Yes. Reader/you will and do shut down after the stunt Alastor pulls. It's similar to the state you were in before your suicide on Earth. But! Alastor's keeping an eye out for everything and anything you do so you don't get the chance to plan your third death.

Needless to say, you regret coming back because Alastor was and is beyond your control. If you had his soul, you'd destroy it. Alastor knows, that's why he's not offering it anymore. He did consider it, but the way you were unresponsive to him, he trashes the idea.

You don't talk to him, you don't listen to him, you don't look at him, and you don't acknowledge him. You know, any form of reaction and attention you give him, be it good or bad, he'll take it all with gratitude, and you're not giving him that pleasure. Not what you went through because of him.

Alastor does everything to coax you into looking at him again, he knows he can't threaten you because that's what you want. If he was angered enough to kill you or attempt to do so, you win and he'll be left with nothing. No more you. He can't let that happen. He tried returning with wounds or accidentally harming himself while making your meals. No reaction.

He asks you what he did wrong, what can he do for you to at least go back to the way you were. He didn't like how you were like a doll or a broken puppet. It was so agonizing to see you like this, even worse when the reason was him. You didn't even touch the anime and books he brought for you, not even the phone, or tablet, or laptop. Nothing.

After a long long while, you made up your mind. A plan brewed. One that will give you your eternal sleep.

"I want a feast with my favourites." You spoke so softly one day. Yet Alastor heard it loud and clear, he nodded, it has been forever since he heard your voice. The last was when you were begging him not to rip off your wings and halo that took you away from him. He got to work, saying he'll be back soon and asked for your patience.

Patience. You've given him too much. Your eyes burned with fury when his presence left the apartment and your home domain. You took your blank notebooks, summoning angelic weapons one after another around your bed. The angelic steel stacked up as did your exhaustion. Your eyesight blurry and your body heavy. Just a little more and you'll sleep. The feeling was so similar to when you embraced death the first time. Then you fell asleep. Forever.

When Alastor returned, he was terrified to find you surrounded by angelic steel. His mind didn't register that you were the one to summon them, like the time you saved him all those years ago. He only rushed forward to you, ignoring all the wounds on his legs as he walked pass the deadly material. He tried shaking you awake. You're eyes didn't open, your body was cold. Heartbeat? It was so weak.

He shouted for you to wake up. He pleaded and begged. He apologized. He was wrong. He was all wrong. It was all his fault. Just wake up. Please! He needs you! He can't live without you! You can't abandon him again! Not again! Please!

Before, in the canon of my story, you woke up because Lucifer told Alastor what to do. But here, he never knew about your relationship with Lucifer, nor would Lucifer tell him how to wake you up. Lucifer watched from afar as you slowly died from your powers that drained your very soul. Saving you wasn't an option, he said he'd respect your choice and won't question them. He's keeping it, he's your friend. When you were going on with your plan, you too realized that the only true friend you had was Lucifer.

You can't handle Alastor, you shouldn't have thought you could. You shouldn't have accepted Alastor.

You shouldn't have saved him that day.

Alastor deserves to suffer while you enter your eternal slumber.

#Circe's Nighty Writings #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor headcanons #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor #hazbin hotel oneshots #yandere alastor #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #alastor fanfiction #hazbin hotel imagines #Unwanted Soul #Circe's appreciation corner

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intoanotherworld23 · 1 year

Text

Pick Your Battles X

Pairing: Reader x Bradley Bradshaw

Warnings: Some swear words and a minor smidge of a fight

Summary: Bradley broke your heart when he accused you of betraying him, and you haven’t seen or spoken to him since. Until you are both called back to Top Gun to help with a dangerous mission that nobody’s ever attempted before

✨Please do not copy and paste my work or steal my work or publish my work as your own I will have you reported✨

Part 9 Part 11

You didn't think your heart could have broken any more than it already was. The look on Bradley's face when she said she was pregnant was one of shock and disbelief. You just stood there with your mouth partially open and a ringing in your ear.

Bradley was yelling something at her but you ran for your stuff. Grabbing everything you needed and ignoring Bradley the whole time. Even as he tried to grab your shoulder you shoved him off, and headed out the door.

Crying when you got in the car and the whole time when you drove home. Thinking to yourself what you were doing wrong in your life to deserve this. All these secrets and lies were emerging from the ground only to drag you down with them.

Bradley was relentless in trying to reach you. Calling and texting to the point that you had to turn your phone off. There was no way in hell you were going to talk to him right now. That was the final nail in the coffin for him.

It wasn't like you could completely avoid him since you still had to help train for the mission. It was going to be very awkward and uncomfortable, but you were determined to put on your brace face. Not let him know how destroyed he has left you.

Walking into the room you saw everyone already there. Including Bradley. His eyes burning holes into your body begging you to just look at him for a second. He was dying inside to talk to you and to have you ignoring him was hurting him.

Shuffling your papers on the desk but not even bothering to read them. Only needing something to distract you from looking at the man you still loved. All you could hear was the light chatter in the room.

Hangman was glancing between you and Bradley with a huge grin on his face. The he found it odd that the two of you didn't say anything to each other let alone even look at one another. Leaning back in his seat knowing something happened, but not knowing what.

"Good morning doll." Hangman spoke lifting your head up to look at him.

"Morning Bagman." Giving him that same smirk squinting your eyes at him.

"I've got a question for you." Straightening your self up not liking where this was going since the last time you were around him he outed you in front of everyone. "Simple question I promise."

"And what is that exactly?" Cocking your head to the side as he crossed both arms over his chest.

"Are you seeing anyone?" His question definitely surprised you as you just stared at him.

"It definitely won't be you." Phoenix chimed in a scatter of laughter rang across the room.

Bradley also smiled at Phoenix saying what he couldn't. Leaning forward in his chair as he watched this interaction unfold. He was nervous as to what you were going to say to him. You were pissed and wanted to get back at him, and if that meant talking to Jake then so be it.

"Was I talking to you?" Hangman turning his head to look over at the girl who was glaring at him.

"No but we all know what you're going to ask her next." Everyone else in the room stopped what they were talking about to listen what was going on.

"You don't know what I'm going to ask her." Smiling showing off his pearly white teeth loving how easily he got under her skin.

"No I'm not seeing anyone." Answering fighting the urge to look over at Bradley whose eyes hadn't left yours since you walked in.

"Well then how about that date darling?" His attention turning back to you this being his second time he's asked you out.

"Nope." Popping the p as you answered quicker than he would have liked.

"Aw come on just one date." He pushed pouting his bottom lip as you tried to conceal your giggle. "I'll be on my best behavior."

"Not every girl wants to get with you dude." Fanboy chimed in agreeing with Phoenix.

"I know this one does though." He wasn't backing down at all. "She just can't admit it."

Bradley couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. All he wanted to do was stand up and shout that you were his. A part of you wished he would stop what was going on, but you knew then it would reveal something was going on between you two.

Hangman looked out of the corner of his eye to see Bradley's reaction. He was suspicious before but now those suspicions were confirmed judging on his fists in his lap, and you two weren't talking. So of course he had to swoop in to stir the pot.

"Yeah it's still a no." Shaking your head as you smiled at him.

Before he could say anything else the admirals walked in with Maverick right behind them. Maverick gave you a warm smile as he started speaking about what todays training was going to be. Hangman kept his eyes on you for a minute before focusing on Maverick.

Bradley couldn't take his eyes off you not for one second. Watching as you moved back and forth on the heels of your feet. Biting your lower lip every once in a while then looking down at your hands. It was something you did when you were feeling anxious.

It was hard not to look over at him when you knew he was staring at you. Not knowing if you wanted to hug him or punch him straight in the face. Feeling the tears rise when you thought back to last night at his place. Clearing your throat to keep those tears from falling and sucked back into your eyes.

"Alright we'll start with Phoenix, Bob, Coyote and Omaha." Maverick pointed to the pilots as they nodded in confirmation. "Get suited up and we'll see you on the tracks."

Everyone got up to leave the room but you stayed behind to once again stare at the papers in front of you. Placing both hands on the desk as you leaned your body forward. Breathing in and out slowly as you tried to calm your nerves down.

The tension was so high in that room you could have cut it with a butter knife. If it wasn't for the others in the room Bradley would have probably cornered you to talk to him. Thankful that the only reason you had to see him was because of the training.

You already knew Bradley was seething at the fact Hangman asked you out. A part of you wanted to say yes just to spite him, but you knew it would be the wrong thing to do. Not wanting to use Hangman like that. You weren't that kind of person.

"Something on your mind doll?" A voice breaking you from your thoughts looking up to see Hangman approaching you. "You looked very deep in thought."

"Yeah I was." Gathering the folders into your arms. "Least till you walked in."

"Everything okay between you and Rooster?" His tone had no concern or genuine curiosity, but one of mocking.

"Do you even really care?" Frowning at him as he was standing directly in front of the desk.

"No I really could care less." Answering honestly as he shook his head. "So back to my question earlier."

"Jake come on." Groaning as he came around the desk to stand directly in front of you.

"Just one date doll I promise you won't regret it." Lifting up his finger with a hopeful look on his face.

"Why should I go out with you?" Hangman had you literally cornered not even realizing that you were walking backwards your backside hitting the wall.

"Because I'm the best that there is." He smirked at you as you rolled your eyes at him. "At least better than someone else."

It was a jab to your heart when you knew exactly who he was talking about. Visibly wincing at his words. Hangman chose not to say his name, but you both knew he was right.

"Fine one date." Smiling so widely like the Cheshire Cat.

That's when you suddenly felt him pressing himself against your body. Looking down at your lips before back into your eyes silently asking for your permission. Contemplating whether you should or not. Nodding your head as he pressed his lips against yours.

Hands on your hips as he kept your body close to his. Surprisingly he was a very good kisser he was gentle but yet dominant at the same time. Massaging his lips against yours debating whether he should be using tongue or not.

Hating to admit that his lips felt nice, but you hated the fact you were willing to kiss someone like Jake just to get Bradley out of your thoughts. Feeling guilty for allowing him to be so close, but also remembering what's happened over the last twenty four hours.

Moaning into the kiss was enough permission for him to push his tongue past your lips. His hands moving to cup both sides of your face as yours wrapped around his waist. Things were becoming far more heated than you were expecting, but you also didn't want to stop.

"Get the fuck off of her." Bradley shouted as he grabbed the back of Hangman's shirt throwing him off of you.

Standing up against the wall with wide eyes and raw lips as Bradley and Hangman stood chest to chest. It was like watching the nature channel as two lions faced off to fight over who was alpha male.

Bradley looked beyond pissed at what he was witnessing. To see someone who he cared for and loved so much kissing someone he absolutely disliked made him see red. He had noticed you didn't follow everyone out of the room so he went to go check on you. This was the last thing he expected to see though.

"What's your problem Bradshaw?" Hangman was provoking him as he looked him up and down.

"You. You're my problem." He sneered at the grinning man.

"Boy I've sure do got you rattled." He quickly looked over at you still standing against the wall. "Is it because of her?"

"Leave her alone." Bradley warned but it just egged Hangman on.

"Didn't seem like she wanted me to leave her alone." He clicked his tongue referring to the intimate kissed shared between you two.

"She doesn't know what she wants." Bradley said making your glare over at him.

It was true though your emotions were all over the place, and you wanted to feel everything else to numb the pain you were feeling. If Bradley hadn't broke your heart with the news of his ex pregnant girlfriend you wouldn't be caught dead kissing Hangman.

"Oh I get it now." He looked between you and Bradley with a knowing smirk. "Something has happened between you two."

"Shut up." Bradley's face was red as he clenched his hands by his side.

"What did you do?" Hangman asked cocking his head to the side. "Break her little heart."

If only he knew.

"I said shut up." Bradley seethed spit flying out of his mouth.

"You don't have to worry I'll take very good care of her."

Next thing you saw was Bradley's fist landing into Hangman's jaw. The blonde haired man went flying back from the sudden impact. Closing your mouth with your hand as you gasped. Bradley stood there with his hand still in a fist ready to punch him again.

Running over to Bradley he thought for a minute you were going to him. Instead you went over to Hangman to check on him softly touching his jaw making him wince nodding at you that he was going to be okay.

"What the hell is wrong with you Bradley?" Screaming at him with wide eyes and an angry outraged look on your face.

Bradley didn't want to disappoint you any further than he already did. He hated to see how upset you were with him. He wished right now that he could take it back. It was already too late you were moving further and further away from him, and he couldn't get a hold of you.

"Bradley's just a little jealous that's it." Hangman answered as Bradley just stood there.

"Come on we gotta ice that." Wrapping an arm around his waist as he lifted an arm to place around your shoulder.

Giving Bradley one last look before you helped Hangman out of the room. Bradley just stood there looking at the hand that punched Hangman. His knuckles already turning red from the impact the sting become evident on his skin.

Watching as the two of you walked away he realized how much he had screwed up. He had to make things right with you no matter what it took. He couldn't just let you walk away out of his life like this.

Not that Hangman didn't deserve to get punched, but you were mad at the reason why he got punched. Bradley had no right to be angry at you kissing someone else when he got another girl pregnant.

"How's the jaw?" Asking Hangman as you placed the ice bag on his jaw carefully.

"Eh it's nothing." Shrugging his shoulders as he held it there.

"Been punched a lot before?" Teasing him making him smile with a wince.

"I've had my fair share of fights."

"Doesn't surprise me." Shaking your head with a laugh.

"You still want to go out tonight?" He asked hopeful.

"Yeah sure." Nodding your head as you looked over to the doorway hoping Bradley would come through, but he didn't. "As long as you promise to try and not get punched again."

"Now that I can't promise." He joked making both of you laugh.

"Why did you ask me out?" Asking curiously as you looked down at the ground. "Why do you want to go out with me?"

"Because I find you stunningly beautiful and sexy." He started off making you roll your eyes at him. "Also I wanted to apologize for being an asshole before."

"I shouldn't have said what I did it was completely wrong of me." He admitted which surprised you because he was actually being sincere.

"Damn right it was." Agreeing with him making him chuckle at your response.

"I was being an asshole I'll admit that."

"At least you can admit it." Nudging his shoulder as he looked over at you.

"So what is it with you and Bradshaw huh?" He asked making you roll your eyes.

"Yeah we're not discussing that." Shaking your head swerving around that subject.

"I get it I'll just have to find out for myself." He bit back with a grin making you snap your head at him as he laughed. "I'm kidding I'm kidding."

"Do you want me to punch you as well?" You threatened as you lifted up your fisted hand a playful tone behind your voice.

After several minutes of small talk the both of you decided to leave considering training wasn't over. Not knowing what Hangman was going to say to everyone when they see his jaw and Bradley's red knuckles. Hopefully people wouldn't ask too many questions.

Your mind was all over the place distracted over everything that's happened in less than twenty four hours. It was almost too much for you to handle right now. Not even paying attention to the pilots as they flew the practice course. The only people you did was Bradley and Hangman.

Wondering to yourself if Hangman was asking you out simply to piss off Bradley. Even if that was the case you felt Bradley deserved it, and needed to realize just how badly he had messed up with you.

"Care to explain?" Maverick asked soon as training was done looking over at him confused. "Why Hangman has a nice little shiner on his face?"

"I have no idea." Shrugging your shoulders an innocent look on your face. "Does it surprise you though?"

"No he probably deserved it." He chuckled thinking about it you on the other hand knew exactly why he was punched. "Wonder who punched him."

"Doesn't matter." It came out ruder than you intended but Maverick didn't seem to really notice.

"You okay?" He turned to look at you genuine concern written across his face.

"Yeah I'm fine." It wasn't true though.

"Everything okay with you and Bradley?" It was like he could sense something was going on and was determined to find out.

"Yep." Looking away from Maverick so he couldn't tell you were lying.

"What time should I pick you up?" Hangman interrupted before Maverick could push further on his questioning.

"Um I don't care how about 8?" Pursing your lips as you looked at him.

"Perfect I'll pick you up." Hangman smiled leaning forward to kiss your cheek before turning away.

Maverick was extremely confused as to what he just witnessed. Standing there with a shocked expression and his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. He had so many questions to ask but he was literally left speechless.

Standing there awkwardly avoiding the look Maverick had on his face. He was border lining between disappointed and angry. Never did he expect you to ever go after someone like Hangman. He was the last person he thought you would ever give a chance.

"Y/N." He started to say with a heavy sigh.

"Maverick please spare me the lecture right now." Putting your hands up speaking before he could say anything more. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Waving goodbye you took off down the hall not bothering to look back or anything. Just wanting to get in your car and get ready for this so called date. You just hoped you weren't going to regret it in the long run.

Pulling your keys out of your purse you looked around for a brief second when you saw Bradley standing by his bronco with a stressed look on his face. Noticing he was on the phone with someone and it looked like he was yelling. Scrunching your eyebrows as you stood there for a minute listening in, but you couldn't hear anything.

Bradley felt like someone was watching him turning to face you staring at him. He offered you a small smile before he got into his bronco. Shaking your head you got into your car as well taking off down the road.

Feeling a little bit nervous as to how tonight was really going to go. Knowing that this night could either end really well or terribly bad. Right now though all you wanted was Bradley by your side to tell you what to do.

#bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #miles teller #miles teller smut #bradley bradshaw smut #miles teller x reader #miles teller fanfiction #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw imagines #miles teller imagines

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cacoetheswriting · 2 years

Note

Hi, i was wondering if I could request something with Eddie Munson, I love touch-starved!eddie so I'd love to see that (because we know that boy hasn't received a hug in forever), and something about him liking the reader but thinking she deserves better than him/wouldn't ever feel the same way. You can elaborate it into any story, I'd just like to see those elements and reader comforting Eddie in the end. Much love <3

ahh i love this, thank you for requesting! i hope you enjoy!

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 1.5k warnings: slow burn, the beginning of best friends to lovers, adult language, talk of insecurities / anxieties, just a lot of fluff tbh - unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything!

Eddie was funny, and not in a try-hard way, but like genuinely and effortlessly made you laugh.

He was undeniably talented. For example, only a handful of people really appreciated how it took a creative brain to for all the D&D stuff he was into. Plus you’ve seen him play guitar a couple of times and even though you probably focused a little too hard on his fingers… holy shit — yeah — he knew how to strum that thing to create the most beautiful melodies you’ve ever heard.

And he was kind. Yes, underneath that hard shell exterior was a big ol’ softie. A caring boy with a heart way too big for this shitty little town.

In your eyes, Eddie Munson was all of those things and many more, but unfortunately you knew he would never believe you were being genuine if you told him any of that. Heart shielded for his own good.

So you kept your true feelings hidden and settled for being the metalheads best friend.

The same metalhead who — despite trying his best not to be — was secretly head over heels in love with you.

(If only the two of you knew how to communicate properly.)

There is a knock on your bedroom door and not even a split-second later, Eddie pops his head in, brown locks bouncing along.

“Your dad let me in,” he states and steps inside, “What are you up to?”

You take a second before responding just to look at him. Covered head to toe in a mix of black leather and ripped denim, he is completely out of place in your preppy pink room. It makes you crack a smile and Eddie raises a brow, then quickly wipes his face thinking the reason you’re staring is because he’s got the reminisce of his dinner left in the corner of his mouth or something.

“Homework,” you eventually answer and his eyes go wide.

“Shit, we had homework?”

“Eddie,” his name comes out almost like a whine, “You’ll never graduate if you keep forgetting we have shit to do.”

You’re up on your feet now and handing him a piece of paper and a black pen, before ushering him to sit at your desk.

“I’ll graduate,” he replies confidently, “I have you.”

To cover up the fact your stomach just flipped upside down, you roll your eyes and using one finger, you push your notebook towards him.

“Here,” you say, “Just don’t make it too obvious you’re copying me, got it?”

“It’s math, isn’t there like only one correct answer?” Eddie teases and you flick his ear.

“Oh shut up and get to writing, I don’t have all night.”

“Fiesty.”

Ignoring his last comment, you plop down on your bed and pick up your half-destroyed copy of Wuthering Heights. Although you couldn’t quite focus on the words in front of you. Instead, your gaze kept shifting to the back of Eddie’s head.

You’re not entirely sure how much time passes when he drops the pen and turns in the seat to look at you, all you know is you’ve read about five pages and not a single word made sense.

“I think one of your answers is wrong.”

You immediately place the book down and hop to your feet. Hovering over his shoulder, you trace his finger to the problem in question then to the number you had placed as your result.

He was correct, your answer was wrong.

Feeling proud Eddie picked up on that, you maneuver around the chair and carefully sit down in his lap. He freezes due the sudden close contact, but you don’t let him dwell on his feelings too much by handing him the pen once again.

“Show me.”

His chocolate-button eyes travel from the pen to your intrigued gaze.

“Show me, Eddie.”

He sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth, his best attempt to fight back a goofy smile bound to creep up on his features, and takes the pen.

Sitting comfortably in his lap, you observe as he slowly works out the problem on the piece of paper. His scribbles are piss poor, but his math is ace. Once he’s done, displaying the right answer with pride, your heart swells.

“Well, I stand corrected,” you announce with glee and tilt your head to look at him, gently pinching his nose between your index finger and thumb, “Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Munson.”

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle, meeting your gaze. “Like I said earlier,” he begins and places his hand on your waist, “I have you.”

Heat rushes to your face. Suddenly feeling nervous, you begin to fidget with the collar of his denim vest, focusing solely on the item of clothing because staring into the eyes of your best friend no longer seems like a good idea.

Eddie’s now thinking that he said something wrong. Yet his grip on you tightens, the feeling of your cashmere sweater against his skin comforting and soothing.

After a brief moment of borderline awkward silence, you clear your throat.

“Have you checked the next one?”

“No.”

You smack your lips together at his response and turn your attention to the piece of paper on the desk.

“Let’s do it together then,” you announce.

Smiling to himself, the metalhead agrees. He adjusts his hold on you, his arm making its way around you completely as he lifts the paper in front of the two of you. Exhaling, he begins to read the next problem aloud and with a hint of hesitation in his voice, Eddie continues to explain how he would solve it.

You don’t really recall the exact point your arm travels around his shoulders, fingers tangling themselves amongst his brown locks. Or when you incline towards him, too lost in the sound of his voice, and press the side of your face against his.

And the leather clad boy is shaking internally because the sensation of your body pressed against his is perhaps the most alleviating feeling he’s ever experienced. Truthfully, he couldn’t really remember the last time he was this close to someone and it actually meaning something to him — and unbeknown to Eddie, also to you.

“Eddie Munson, you’ve tricked me our entire friendship.”

He almost laughs. Almost. A tiny voice at the back of his mind prevents him from doing so, repeating ‘just be honest, just be honest, just be honest’, therefore instead, Eddie swallows thickly. His leg starts to shake, you can feel it bounce underneath you.

“Can I uhm,” he stumbles and pulls back, tilting his head to address you, “Can I ask you a question?”

You lift your hand, gently brushing his locks behind his ear.

“Sure, Eds.”

The metalhead briefly bites down on his bottom lip, taking a moment to align the thoughts currently circling his brain. There was so much at stake. This friendship with you, it meant the world, it was his everything. You were his everything. And what he was about to say, the words that were about to come out of his mouth, they could ruin what you guys had.

But looking at you, staring oh so deeply into your pretty eyes, he just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Hypothetically, what if in a friendship, one person thinks they would like to try being something more because they have all these uhm, all these feelings, but they just don’t really see themselves as… worthy.”

Knowing exactly what he was trying to convey yet unsure how to answer him immediately, you chew on the inside of your cheek.

“Well,” you exhale softly, “I think honesty is the best policy, always, even in a hypothetical situation,” you say and offer him an encouraging smile.

Eddie nods at your words. His heart is now hammering inside his chest, and could potentially explode at any second, especially as you caress his cheek with your thumb.

“What if that person is scared?” Eddie asks after a moment, before quickly adding, “Hypothetically, of course.”

He’s too sweet for his own good, you think and grab onto the collar of his denim vest.

“Eds,” you begin and he arches a brow, “you know you’re my favourite person in the entire world, right? Cross my heart, I would be so fucking lost without you,” you confide and he hopes he’s not blushing — (he is).

You proceed to poke his chest. “But I swear to fuck, if you honestly think that you’re not good enough for me—”

Letting out an awkward laugh, the metalhead grabs your finger.

“We were talking in hypotheticals,” Eddie defends, interrupting you.

You can’t help but roll your eyes. “Okay, whatever you say.”

“Okay.”

The air suddenly feels… different. Eddie’s gaze searches yours and the longer he stares, the wider his smile grows. A couple of minutes pass and the curly haired boy is grinning like an idiot.

I’m in love with you, Eddie thinks before asking, “Am I really your favourite person in the world?”.

Instead of answering him immediately, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a comforting embrace. Eddie sinks into your body instantly. His hands make home on your waist once again and he takes a moment to inhale the sweet smell of your lavender perfume.

I’m in love with you, you think to say but decide to bite your tongue, whispering instead: “As if you even have to ask, Eddie Munson.”

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#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot

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man11c · 1 year

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☺️ anon here!

I was thinking, a request for Xavier based on the song Meddle About by Chase Atlantic. It’s sort of enemies to lovers and when Xavier realises how bad he has it for the reader he literally can’t stop thinking about them and it makes him ‘meaner’ if you catch my drift 😉

you already got me feeling some type of way: Xavier thorpe x Reader

Word count: 1722

(Y/n) irritates me so much. The way they constantly yap and yap about things no one cares about. The way they go around making friends with everyone. For some reason, they just attract everyone. How they talk hooks, everyone, voice inciting people you wouldn't expect. Their eyes looking deep into yours, you just get lost in them.

It's almost... addicting.

What the hell am I thinking? Xavier's thoughts came to a halt. The lead of his pencil broke under the pressure of his hand. "Shit." He mutters, dropping the pencil on the paper. It rolled for a moment, getting close to the edge of the table.

"This is why I can't stand you (y/n)" He said in an empty room, tapping his finger against the paper. The drawing hidden by his hand was you. A perfect picture drawn of you, every detail captured on a piece of paper. Xavier looked at it disapproving, slightly sucking in his cheek before pinching it between his teeth. He took the paper, his eyes wandering around the paper examining his drawing.

Moments later, it was destroyed. Shredded bits of paper littering the ground. The drawings in ruins but Xavier felt more relieved than anything.

The morning was bitter, Xavier walking into class with a brewing expression. You noticed how he's been coming into every class pissed off. His brows facing downwards in a solid frown. "Awwe, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" You decide to tease at his irked expression. "Can you not shut the fuck up for one minute? God." Xavier replied in a snappy voice, shooting you a harsh glare causing you to be taken back. Yeah he was a jerk... but never this bad. "Jeez." Enid whispered beside you, raising her brows. You look at Xavier with a judging look in your eye, skimming over him. He was slightly hunched and tense. You wondered what could be getting on his nerves. Ignoring him for the rest of the period, taking to Enid instead.

"I wonder what's got him so roughed up... he's been more pissy than usual" Enid sighed as he glanced over to the shut-off man doodling on his paper. You roll your eyes, resting your hand within your plam. "He's just being the usual dick head. Everything pisses him off... maybe he's finally hitting the puberty he's been waiting for." You say with a scoff, slightly laughing at your own comment. Enid giggling along with you.

Hands slammed against your desk, some of your books shaking and pencils rolling off the table. You quickly lookup to see Xaviers scowling eyes looking at you. His nose slightly flared and jaw clenched tight. "You act as if I can't fucking hear you. You are some nasty piece of shit aren't you (y/n) always in everyone else's business but youselfs." He seethed at you, his body closing in on yours. His anger was real. Enid standing up in your defence, pushing Xavier back off your end of the table. "Chill the hell out Xavier." Enid spoke on your behalf, glaring right back at him as he stumbled over his feet. With one more look at you, Xavier turned to leave the class. Not even taking his stuff on the way out.

Being left in utter awe, you kept staring at the place Xavier stood one second ago. "You alright?" Enid sat back down calmly, reaching for your clenched hand. The sensation of her nails tapping against your skin bringing you back down to earth. Shaking yourself off you look at Enid with a faux smile.

"Oh yeah, why would I let him get to me." You brush off, shrugging your shoulders. Enid gave you that look, the look saying 'bitch I know you're lying.' She read right through the facade you put up.

It did get to you however as ridiculous as it was.

The bell screaming at you to leave your class, you didn't waste any time doing just that. Leaving Enid hanging unintentionally while you rushed to the door. You go to the most obvious location on where Xavier was. You needed to know what the hell was up with him.

The leaves scattered across the ground were damp from the rain earlier. Small puddles formed in the uneven earth. Parts of your having mud covering them, what a bummer. Approaching the door, the lock hanging loose on a thick chain that usually kept the doors tightly locked.

Xavier was in there, he had to be.

Inviting youself inside, not even caring to knock on the door. Xavier was hidden behind a tall canvas, you could just see his legs poking under the legs of the easel. His hand dropped down by his side, a paint brush held tightly in his fingers.

"You really can't leave me alone can you?" He spoke up, his voice was dark. Part of Xavier's face crept from the side of the painting. His eyes sharp on you.

"Xavier you say that as if I cling to your side... get a grip. I want to know why you are being such a dick." As you talked you approached the small table sitting beside Xavier, leaning against the wood that was covered in all sorts of paints and colours. You look over at Xavier, he turned the painting away from you. His attention back on you. "You wanna know why I'm such a dick? Well, sit and listen then." He snarled at you, getting closer to you unnoticed. You weren't paying much attention, looking down at your nails and picking at the cuticles of your nails. Pushing the dead skin back away from your nails. The lack of attention only got on Xavier's nerves even more, grabbing your hand to take away the distraction.

"Like I told you. You won't leave me alone. I see you everywhere, I can hear your voice at the back of my head with your face engraved in my mind. I can't stop thinking about you. Everything sucks me back into this wrap hole to do with you. And I can't stand it." Xavier spoke out, his eyes set on yours not even blinking as he spoke. His eyes reach deep into your soul. The earthy tones in his eyes dark and dimmer than usual. Xavier put his hand down next to you on the wooden table - getting extra close to you in his angry moment.

With no reply prepared for this moment, you ended up just staring back at the face that met yours. That was one hell of a confession. "Are you out of your mind Xavier?" You shake your head, leaning back further away from him.

"Yes! Yes. I am out of my fucking mind because you are all I'm able to think about and I want you." He hits his fist back down on the table, his knuckles going red. Parts of his face getting softer. His eyes were the first, the glare turning into a saddened look on his face. Xavier brought his eyes back onto yours, swallowing the hard lump in his throat that restricted his throat. "I hate you, so much." Xavier told you, coy. He didn't really mean it did he. He sighed, taking a step away from you while running his hand through his hair trying to compose himself.

Being unable to move, you watched him leaving you and head back to the mysterious painting that he looked at with a pondering expression. "I made you look too good in this painting." Xavier raised his brow, staring at the painting before turning it to face you. You stare again the drawing in front of you and back to Xavier who was suddenly very close to you. "Look at what I've become because of you (y/n)." He kept pinning all his troubles onto you. "It's crazy that you can make anyone feel this was." Xaviers eyes were locked with the painting, trouble in his eyes but eventually he turned back to look at the real you. Still frozen on the small wooden desk, having no idea how to reply to this.

Walking closer to you Xavier yet again rested his hands either side of you. Analysing you and the look on your face. "You look stupid." He commented, reaching to hold your face - pointing you face towards his. "I don't think you'll ever stop torturing my mind the way you do." He leaned in, giving into his urges he'd had for so long. Holding your face tighter, unintentionally pinching your face while he kissed you. For a moment just himself sink into your lips as get a feel of you.

"I've already regretted what I've done but, theres no point holding anything back now." He said right after pulling away from you. Not giving you even a moment to process what had just happened. You look up at him, batting your eyes as you tried to make sense of it but the taste on your lips distracted you from it all. Xavier leaned down to your ear, your smell overwhelming him. He reached to hold you close, grabbing roughly at your clothes to pull you in closer to himself.

You wanted this, as bad as it sounded you liked Xavier. Feelings kicked from nowhere for you, stirring up you'd stomach and giving into Xaviers rough hold. You push him away however. Looking at him for second before speaking. "Slow down there... do you think I'm over what you said earlier?" You raise your brow, finally moving away from the table you'd been stuck at for minutes. Heading to the exit of the shed, you look back at Xavier. "I'll be expecting a formal apology Xavier Thorpe." You grin at him, just teasing him and pulling him on in this little game before you leave him all to himself. The cool air never feeling as good as this. It was so refreshing against your warm body.

Xavier stood empty-handed at the door, watching as you left as he sucked in his cheeks biting them. He looked down at the ground with a slight smirk on his face. "Well Xavier, you can't go back now." He spoke to himself in third person, with a small sigh before he looked back at the painting of you. Xavier could loose himself in it for hours.

Waa, sorry it took a while to get out but yknow Christmas n stuff so I'm sorry if it's a bit rushed... plus this might have a second part I'm not sure yet

Thanks for the suggestions Anon 🫶🏻

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that-one-pretty-bitch · 1 year

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( A/n: Y/n is toxic/ manipulative and Max is obsessive, a true match made in hell )

Warnings: Manipulation, yandere, mentions of murder, toxicity

@forbidden-sunlight will make a less toxic version of the reader soon as well, I enjoyed working on this with her but if toxic main characters really aren’t your thing, I would suggest reading her version instead of mine

A lady all in red sat elegantly upon her ‘throne’, she would one day rule a kingdom full of wealth and prosperity. Alongside her sat a man in all black, her fiancé and future emperor, Max, sparing not a single glance at her. He was far too embarrassed to face her, while she read a letter he had sent her out loud.

“My dearest, Y/n,” she read, shifting herself slightly and fixating her posture, she continued, his face flushing red at her tone that intended to mock him.

“You make my days better by simply gracing me with your presence,” She let out a slow laugh, as she smoothed the paper out.

“You give me a reason to look forward to living, you are my will to continue living in this god forsaken world and I will never let you leave me,” She read, smirking

“Whatever would you do if I left you, Max?” She asked, cupping his face in her hands, her fingernails digging into the flesh of his skin, crimson liquid dropped from his chin as her grip tightened.

“Max,” She ordered, “It's incredibly rude to disregard the orders of a lady,” She shifted her gaze and stared directly into his blood red eyes.

“Won’t you answer my question?” She taunted

“I would destroy everything on sight,” He spoke, low and dangerous, there was a tone to his voice that was unsettling, even for someone like Y/n. Ignoring the shivers she felt, she waved her fan at him, as a manner of dismissing him.

He shot up and towered over Y/n who remained seated, instead of walking away, he walked towards her and placed his head around her arms and gently placed her hand on his cheek, pressing his hand on top of hers.

“Say.. Max, have you heard of Ian’s disappearance?” Y/n asked abruptly as she waved the letter over his face

“This letter is one of my favorites,” She laughed as she traced the words of the letter with her fingers

“Would you like to know why?” She forced her hand off his face, only to be met with the face of the annoyed man.

“Oh goodness, you're this exasperated simply because I moved my arm?” She smirked, as she placed her hand on his face again only for her to take it off.

Her arm was seized by Max, he gripped onto her wrist tightly, showing no intent of letting go, ever.

He forced her wrist to his lips and kissed, looking down at her he asked

“And why would this letter be your favorite?” Max asked her, clearly amused

“The ink is quite lovely, mind I ask you where you obtained it from?” She looked up at him, her eyes glinting with evil

“My minister brou-”

“Don’t you lie to me, I know where you got this, I’m not naive,” She whispered slowly

“What are you implying?” Max furrowed his eyebrows

“I have asked first, it's quite rude to answer an inquiry by another, is it not?” She forced her wrist out of his hand and placed a gloved hand under her chin.

“I have killed Ian,” Max answered truthfully

“Was it truly that hard to tell me truth?” Y/n hummed

“I’m proud of you Max, you have finally embraced your true nature,” Y/n spoke lazily

Proud…? She was proud of him? That felt good, he would kill any man who would dare approach her with lust in their eyes.

She would be proud of him then.

#father i dont want to get married #father i don't want this marriage #Max #max x reader #crown prince x reader #toxic reader #manipulative reader #yandere x reader #obsessive x manipulative #idek #yandere dion coming up next

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junglxqueen · 2 years

Text

The Verstappen devil [09]

Somewhere only we know

Word count: 8.5 k this is a long one

A/N: A bunch of tooth rotting stuff honestly. A little bit of everything going on in this chapter and I sure hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for your patience and I would love to read your comments and thought on it 💕

Sebastian Vettel, Redbull days. Around 2009 to 2014.

That’s a man that knew no regrets, that lived life to the fullest, thriving in his villain era, self-esteem skyrocketing fueled by wins, accomplishments and championships. He was a man that didn’t know what it was to hear a no, that whenever he wanted something he didn’t rest until he got it and whenever someone doubted him he didn’t waste a second to prove them wrong (actually, it was his favourite thing to do).

He loved seeing their shocked faces when he jumped out of the car after pulling some magnificent stunt that no one was able to replicate. Damn, he even liked to brag about it, scrub it in their faces and lose his marvels celebrating the sorrows of those who wished him wrong, the joy of his victories and the trace of champagne on his skin.

Those were his golden eyes and let me tell you:

He was a scandal.

Personally I’ve never got to see much of it, but I’ve read the papers, saw the videos and heard the commentaries of people that marveled at his talent and drive or hated his guts and his reckless behavior.

Either way, that’s the guy that lies under layers and layers of a changed man, a family man, a caring father, a loving husband, a great friend and an amazing driver.

But no matter how much time passed by or how many facets he added on, even after all this time, the spirit of that guy was alive and thriving, still somewhere deep inside of him, eager to get out and see the outside world again.

That’s why you shouldn’t be surprised by his reaction when he saw me later that day.

The guy finally saw an opening and took the wheel once my dad saw the marks and traces left by my father earlier on.

Even Schumi made honor to his last name and his father’s genes the moment that his eyes laid on my neck.

One word was needed for them to completely go off: “Jos”.

I tried to stop my dad, not fearing for my Jos’ life but more for the image that Seb will be left with if his impulsive reactions saw the light of the day.

However it was impossible to stop him, he was like a man on a mission and it was out of question to get his mind off his new target. Mick followed his tail close by but after some words from my dad he decided to stay behind.

So instead of following him behind, I buried myself in Mick's arms and allowed him to take me to my hotel room and take care of my bruised skin while I let him know, in a very audible tone, what had happened with Jos’ in that driver’s room.

He was furious, I could see it in his eyes, the way his eyebrows furrowed, the clenching jaw, the way he pressed his lips on a line and even the light tremor of his hands as carefully spreaded a healing cream on my neck.

He was aching to go out and destroy a thing or two (better if it was Jos’ face), I was thankful however that he didn’t. That he stayed behind, tried his best to control himself and take care of me in such a gentle and loving way.

I couldn’t thank him enough for that.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to defend you.” He had said after minutes of silently hugging each other on the sofa.

I had cried after I told him the whole thing of how it happened and he had held me through the tears and aching heart. When his arms surrounded me the tremor was still there but this time I wasn’t sure if it was because he was angry or because he was also hurting.

That’s the thing with Mick, he feels too much.

He is able to put himself in your shoes and feel everything that you do and sometimes even more. He’s an extremely empathic person. But to my ignorance, it gets worse when it’s someone he loves, someone so important in his life.

He is not only putting himself in my shoes and feeling the damage that my dad has done, but he was also hurting because I was, because he couldn’t bear to see me in the state that I am right now. He couldn't bear the thought of him not being able to defend me when I needed him and every time he took a look at the bruises on my skin it reminded him of everything that I went through ever since I was a kid all alone.

How could someone be able to hurt his precious angel?

Someone so pure, so loving, so full of life. Only a monster could lay a hand on her and she doesn’t deserve it, heck no. All she deserves is a life full of love, of happiness, of peace, of success.

She deserves the entire world and he is willing to put it in her hand.

He also wants to go up to that oger of a man and teach him a good piece of his mind. He would’ve made sure that he doesn’t forget it, giving him a lesson so big that every time he takes a look in the mirror he would be reminded of how awful of a man he really is.

Damn, he is willing to go to jail for her.

And that is to say a lot.

One thing you have to know about Mick is that he hates confrontation, it gets so bad that if someone slapped him on the face he would put the other cheek and say ‘sorry, here’s the other one’.

(It’s an exaggeration, but you get the point).

So the fact that he is willing to face that monster, punch him right in the nose and face the consequences says a lot about how he is feeling at the moment.

We stayed on that sofa for what felt like hours, silence engulfing us, holding on to each other, as if we were each other’s strength and if one of us dared to let go we would leave the other one with half a heart.

None of us wanted to let go and that was fine by me, I needed this.

I needed him.

It was when the hotel door opened that we were obliged to separate.

My dad came into the room, blackeye, a cut on his eyebrow and red knuckles.

“Dad…” I gasped surprised, he just shook his head.

“You should’ve seen the other one, do you have ice?”

Mick quickly stood up to find some and I buried myself in my dad’s arms.

It was as if a switch turned on.

Since the encounter with Jos until this moment, most part of me pretended that It was okay, that it was something normal and nothing really happened. I tried to be strong but when I felt my dad’s arms around me, everything inside of me broke down. As If I finally understood how messed up my father was and allowed myself to grief and show the pain inside my heart.

I violently sobbed on his arms as he caressed my hair and whispered soft calming words in my ear.

“Can I go and hit him again?” I heard when I finally put myself back together, dad shook his head.

“No need to, already done.”

When we finally let go the ice melted and Mick had to go and find some more.

I didn’t ask questions about what had happened and he didn’t tell me either, maybe it was for the best.

After my dad was fed and ready to sleep, we all sat on the bed and enjoyed some comfort movie we put up.

I rested my head on Mick’s shoulder and held my dad’s hand.

“Sometimes I think that you guys forget that I’m your dad, Y/N.” He said at one point of the movie, looking between me and Mick. “There’s a lot of space in this bed, hands off my daughter Schumacher.”

Immediately Mick took off his hand of the half hug he had on my waist, red in the face and I couldn’t help but laugh at his embarrassment.

“Sorry Seb.” He murmured.

“And there’s something called personal space, put some distance between you two, there’s a lot of space in the bed.” He said putting a pillow between the two of us and an even more loud laugh escaped my lips.

“C’mon dad!” I said enjoying his sudden jealous dad behaviour.

He murmured something about the boys of these days as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, attracting me to him and leaving a kiss on the top of my head. I laughed as I hugged his waist and paid attention to the movie.

Seb threw a look with narrowed eyes to Mick as he gave him a completely confused look.

“But why?” He formed with his lips, only for Seb to see.

“Because I say so.” My dad answered.

When it was time to sleep, both of them refused to leave my room which gave room to a sleeping arrangement discussion.

“I’m the girl and this is my room, so I take the bed.” I said as I shuffled in the bed to find a comfortable position.

“Of course princess, that wasn’t in the discussion.” Seb threw a look at Mick who started to get settled in the bed as well. “And I’m the dad, so that leaves you out of the question.”

“What?” Mick said in a high pitch quickly sitting up. “Why?”

“Because I say so, you got the floor.” Dad said laying down.

“But…” Mick looked at me for help and I just shrugged my shoulders, really enjoying this interaction. It was weird to see this side of dad but it was always fun to me to witness it. “It won't be the first time, why-?”

That’s when he dug his grave as dad rose up again and gave him a nasty look.

“Yes sir.” He quickly said, putting his head down as he got out of the bed and positioned himself on the floor.

“I swear these boys get more shameless every day.”

A laugh erupted from deep in my chest.

“But Dad, it's just Mick!”

“So? I don’t care if he is Mick or Obama. He is still a boy, no boy is sleeping in my daughter’s bed.”

When my laughter died down and silence settled in the room as everyone was drifting to sleep, I couldn’t help but think of how lucky I am to have such an incredible pair of people by my side.

What did I do to deserve them?

My line of thought was broken when a small voice broke through making me laugh all over again.

“Can I have a pillow?”

*****

The next day however was hell.

If everything hurted that night, in the morning I was dying. Every move that I did made my ribs hurt.

Not only that woke up to pictures scattered all over the internet of a very pissed off Seb with a fuming Lewis facing an annoyed Jos (how did Lewis get involved? I had no idea, don’t ask me). It was a series of pictures where it went from them screaming at each other, Lewis pushing Jos when he hit dad, Seb punching him straight in the face and then Lewis having to separate from each other.

If the media was already on their tiptoes after my little accident and discussion with Max, this had them jumping all over the place trying to understand what the heck is going on, delighted with the amount of content that we were giving to the news.

Another thing that didn’t really help much was my miserable and failed attempt to hide the marks on my neck and face. It was impossible, no amount of makeup could hide the nasty bruise on my face.

With that and dad’s swollen face they exploded.

The interviews felt like I was walking on thin ice (which in a way I was).

The press conference, the interviews, anything related to me standing in front of my camera had my PR manager growing white hair. After a lot of explaining and talking with the team, she made a point of making my apparitions as short and quick as possible.

Whenever I couldn’t escape the microphone I tried my best to find the most humorous ways to answer their questions and avoid them digging deeper than what they should’ve. Questions like: “What happened yesterday at the track?” were answered with variations of “that was a mistake on my part, see for a sec I thought that we were playing with bumper cars” or the ones of “What happened to your face?” with a “Oh, I’m a really bad sleeper.” the ones about Seb and Lewis with Jos I completely avoided with an “I have no idea, but it’s not my business either way.” a subtle way of telling them that if it is not of my business, neither is theirs.

Everything that day felt extremely slow, the tension in the paddock was high with the drivers finding out one by one about the drama of the day and you could feel the thick atmosphere. I hated how whenever I was out in public with dad (or with anyone really) I could feel the eyes of the people on us as they kept speculating about what had happened.

A few drivers came and talked to me, Lewis was one of them. Given his close friendship with my dad, he is one of the few people that knew my whole story. Also one of the reasons why he was there when they faced Jos’.

It was great not having to pretend or lie about the whole situation for once.

“He won’t show up here today, your dad taught him a thing or two yesterday and I don’t think he is presentable for a public appearance. And if he dares to come up to you again he’ll have to face not only Seb but also me. I’m getting tired of not stepping in. Don’t worry darling, we have your back.”

He said as he hugged me goodbye and jogged back to his garage. I swear I love Lewis, he is an amazing person and even more of an incredible friend.

Apart from that: Of course I had a fine for that crash. The FIA didn’t like yesterday’s incident whatsoever (doesn’t matter if I did it to help someone out, apparently, they don’t like good samaritans. Next time, let’s just let the other person die.) and they didn’t waste a second letting me know their discontent with a public release and a huge fine.

My team wasn’t happy either. After apologizing with our mechanics and team I walked over to the Red Bull’s garage and said my apologies to them also. When that was done, we had a meeting where they discussed my behaviour (and dad’s) and the damage control they had to do. Then they decided that from the next race and until they thought I was ready, my job was to be Seb’s defense and protection.

Always behind him, covering and helping in anything he needed. At least until they think I’m ready to go back to the front without making a huge mess like I did on qualy.

Honestly I wasn’t too against the idea, I knew that I screwed up their trust and if by laying low I could clean my name up and also help dad go back to his golden days, I’m more than happy to do so.

The race itself wasn’t too eventful.

I started at the back of the grid next to Verstappen. For a good 30 laps we went back and forth. I kept him eating my smoke most of the time, I defended with every bone of my being but it was until my poor Aston Martin decided that it was too much for it and it wasn’t a rhythm that it could keep up that I had to let him pass. Me staying behind with engine problems.

In some twisted way I was kind of satisfied with the race.

I had to leave, yes. But I gave everything on me to get as good a result I could and when the car broke down I was at P10 (Also knowing that I got Maxemiliano frustrated for more than 30 laps was more than enough for me).

C’mon I teached him a lesson. How does it feel to have one of the fastest cars on the grid and not be able to pass an Aston Martin?

Humbling.

Still, It was frustrating not being able to finish the race and the 33 ended up winning anyway.

As I said: frustrating.

Once I was done with all my media duties I didn’t feel like staying around. My mood was still on the floor and all I wanted was to go back home to Angie and my bed. So I made my way back to the car, ready to leave and finish with the nightmare that was being Italy when someone came up to me.

“Y/N!” A voice bathed in sunshine and happiness, accompanied with green eyes and the most beautiful bright smile catched my attention, making me lift my eyes to meet the newcomer.

“Charles, How are you?” I rested my hands on the open door of my car.

“I’m good, I’m good. Good thing I was able to catch you, you were very slippery all weekend.” He said resting his hands on his knees, catching his breath and not losing that big smile of his.

It may sound dumb but his presence is so shiny and bright, cheerful and light that it actually sticks onto you feel as happy as he is. Either that or I’m just an incredibly sensitive empath (which I’m not).

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. This weekend has been… eventful? Yeah, Let’s put it like that. I wasn’t in the mood of staying around a lot.”

“I’ve heard something about it. But are you okay though?” He asked with a worried look.

“As good as I can be.” I gave him a reassuring smile and talked again before he could comment on it. “Anyways, how can I help you?”

He hesitates for a second before speaking. “I was going to ask If I was going to see you tonight but…”

Tonight? What do I have tonight?

A flashback of Carlos commenting about a party Charles was organizing came into my brain and my face betrayed me showing that I clearly forgot about it and he just made me remember it.

“You are not coming, aren’t you?” His smile faltered and the saddened look on his face (like a kid deprived of his favourite toy) made me feel as if I’m the worst human being in history.

“No, I’m so sorry Charles.” I truly was and the tone of my voice showed it. “I completely forgot about it and I really, really just want to go home.”

“Don’t worry about it, It’s okay,” He gave me a reassuring smile, but the sad eyes were still there. “I didn’t want to go anyways.”

“Oh yeah, no, I mean yes.” He quickly replied, suddenly nervous like catched on a lie. “Yeah, it was my party but um, my friends are not going. Carlos had to… to do something and Pierre… Pierre had to… do that thing with him. So yeah, they stood me up.” His words rushed on top of each other as a red colour creeped up his neck.

Uh? He didn’t want to go?

“You’re not going? But, wasn't it your party?”

He hoped his lie was convincing. The truth is that he didn’t even know he was organizing a party before Carlos threw him under the bus in front of you. He didn’t complain though, If that meant you were going to be in the same place as him and he was going to have a chance to talk to you, he was happy. But now that you are not going, what’s the point of it?

Although his lie caused an effect he didn’t count on, now you felt incredibly guilty for bailing on him as well.

“Oh Charles, I’m so sorry. If you want I can stay over a little mo-”

“Oh no, Please no.” He quickly interrupted me. “Don’t feel sorry, you actually saved me. I wanted to go home as well, I’m quite tired.”

He gave me a reassuring smile, dimples adorning the side of his lips and I couldn’t help but smile too. A comfortable silence sits between us for a minute before he speaks again.”

“Well, I won’t stop you anymore. Have a good rest Y/N.”

“You too, see you next weekend.”

“Yeah, See you in Spain.”

He waved goodbye, turning to walk to his car as I got into mine and closed the door. When I turned the engine on and got ready to back out Charles came up with a great idea.

Spain.

Next week is in Spain. Of course! He could use that.

He turned around and trotted back to the car and knocked on the window, making me jump in surprise before stopping the car and rolling the window down.

“Hey, sorry. But I forgot to tell you, Carlos has this thing in Spain. He wanted to invite you and a few drivers over to have dinner in a place he knows. You know, given that it’s his home country and he wants to brag about it. What do you say?” He quickly said, both hands on the top of the car as he leaned over.

Dinner in Spain with some of the guys. Why not? I didn’t get the chance to meet them in a proper way yet, so this could be good.

“Sure,” I said after thinking about it for a second. “Who else is going?”

C’mon Charles, think fast. His brain is going a mile per hour.

“Well, so far Carlos, Pierre and I think Lando too.” They sure are going to kill him.

I smile and nod.

“Great. We have a deal then.” I put out my hand to shake his’ and he quickly copied my action. “See you in Spain.” I let go giving him the best of my smiles.

“See you in Spain.” He said backing out, hands in his pocket and a smile plastered on his face as he watched her back out and leave.

As soon as she got out of the parking lot, Charles took out his phone and called the most important person in the world for him right now.

“Carlos mate, I need to ask you a huge favour and you can’t say no.”

*******

There’s no better feeling than being home after a long and stressful weekend. Although It could be better If my body would allow me to catch some sleep. I’ve been tossing in my bed for the last three hours now trying to doze off but it seems that my brain made the executive decision that tonight I needed to stay awake.

I’m fuming, I’ve tried everything already, from counting sheeps to listening to every colour of noises that you can find, raining sounds, music, tea, anything and everything.

02:30 was my breaking point.

I gave up and accepted the fact that there was just no way I could conciliate sleep.

So I got up and walked to my window, opened and sat on it. Legs hanging on the outside as I rested my upper body on the frame of it.

I let my mind wander as the cold switzerland air filled my lungs. This weekend worked me up, it was as if three weeks worth of character development collided in one weekend. Life was really putting me on the limit and I was barely hanging on.

Is it going to be like this every grand prix?

Did I make a mistake in getting into F1?

My brain was filled with questions, worries and fears and I was drowning on them. It felt like one of those days where you just wanted to escape, have a break, do something different to get your mind off it.

But I couldn’t allow myself to do that, not anymore. Spain was around the corner and I had to find a way to bottle everything up and be on my best game and behaviour so the team doesn’t give up on me.

I had big shoes to fill in and the bar was extremely high. Being the first woman to drive in F1 after decades and having the ‘Vettel’ part on my name set the expectatives up in the sky.

Last weekend cannot repeat itself, not the accident, not the escandal, not my attitude, nothing (although I must say, a lot of the fans loved the fact that I helped Verstappen out. Most of them understood why I did it and the comments and edits about it were heartwarming, it makes me wish I could be as good as a person they think I am).

“What are you doing up this late?” The raspy words in German drawing my attention to my bedroom door.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Messy blonde hair and sleep deprived blue eyes walking over to me. “What are you doing up? I thought you were asleep already” I answer back in the same language, being the one that we communicate with whenever we are alone.

“Couldn’t sleep either, I had nightmares.” He says resting his hands on the window edge and looking outside, shivering as soon as a breeze hits him. “It’s freaking cold,” he crosses his arms to protect himself from the low temperature and gives me a worried look “Why are you so uncovered? You are going to get sick.”

I shrug my shoulders, moving so he can sit with me as well. “It gives me something else to think about and it clears my head.” He takes the queue and sits next to me. “What was your nightmare about?”

For some reason the darkness outside, the cold air and the early hours in the morning makes us lower our voice tones, almost in a whisper.

He doubts for a second before answering.

“I don’t remember.”

Lies.

He does remember, he just doesn’t want to tell her and worry her. But it is a nightmare he almost has memorized for how often he has had it and can’t seem to quite get rid of.

The worst part of it is that it isn’t just a night terror, but a memory that keeps coming back on his sleep. One that happened many, many years ago. He was just a child at that, give it 10 or 11 and you were 7 or 8. It was the first time that he went to your house with his dad and both of you had the ‘great’ idea of escaping the inattentive nanny that was taking care of you two while your dad hosted a driver’s dinner in the backyard.

You had hidden in the garage, excited to show Mick the most amazing thing you had in the house: your brother’s karting car. Both of you had a great time pretending you were the most incredible drivers in the world, until you recognized your father’s steps coming into the garage. You knew he wasn’t going to be happy and even less knowing that he didn’t like you being around your brother’s car. In panic, you urged Mick to hide in the closet, keep quiet and not get out.

You knew your dad’s character well enough and you didn’t want poor Mick to suffer the consequences as well.

You wanted to protect them.

Until that point in his life Mick had never witnessed such a violent scene, he knew your dad was special, you’ve talked about it, but he never thought that it was this much.

He had to cover his mouth and try his best for his loud breathing not to be heard while he closed his eyes, not being able to watch anymore how your father beat you up.

He wished he was deaf as well, so he couldn’t hear your cries in pain and apologies. Even after your father had dragged you out he stayed frozen in his place, crying in the closet in silence in fear that Jos’ could come back.

When he finally had the courage to go out and find the nanny (who was extremely relieved to find him) he asked for you and she said you weren’t feeling well and had gone to your room to rest for the day.

But that wasn’t the truth and he knew it.

He felt extremely guilty for not intervening when he had the chance (even though you had told him not to) but what could a little kid do against a grown up?

Once again he escaped the nanny (who was terrible at her job by the way, how could the kids slip away so easily under her supervision?) and shaking in fear, he went upstairs only to find her bedroom door locked.

“Y/N?” He whispered, too afraid of someone (Jos) finding him where he shouldn't be. “Are you there?”

He heard a huffle on the other side of the door and soon her shaky voice broke through the door.

“Mick? What are you doing here?” She had been crying, he could hear it.

“I needed to know if you were okay. Can you open the door?”

“No, I can’t.” She whispered back “I don’t have the keys, dad has them. Mick you can’t be here, if he finds you-”

“I’m not leaving.” He whispered back, interrupting you. “Are you okay? Can I call my dad?”

“No, please. Don’t talk about this with anyone, I deserved it.” She said, tears coming out of her eyes again, her whole body aching as she sat on the floor, back against the door. “I’m so sorry you had to witness it, it was my fault, I took you to the kart.”

Little Mick stayed silent, he didn’t know much of life and fathers at that time but in all this time, even when his dad was fuming mad at him, he never had reacted that way and he was thankful for it. That was horrible, was that a normal thing? Do all parents do that?

He sat on the floor, back against the door while he played with his fingers, not really knowing what to say.

“Are you okay?” A sob broke through when he asked, she clearly wasn’t.

“No.” Her little voice cracked as sadness washed over her. She was really excited about this evening, she finally saw her best friend after so long and she blew it up. “You shouldn’t be here Mick.” She whispered, not truly wanting him to leave.

Mick didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t call anyone, and he couldn’t get past the door to hug her and comfort her as Michael always does when he feels bad. But one thing was clear, he wasn’t going to leave her alone.

So he did the only thing that he could and slipped his little fingers through the crack between the door and the floor which was big enough to let half of his hand in.

“Hey, take my hand. I’m right here, I’m not leaving, I promise.”

They sat there holding hands for almost half an hour (seriously, that nanny sucked).

Unbeknownst to her, he truly made that promise to himself that day. To stay by her side and take care of her always, to never leave her. If he couldn’t do anything to stop that monster, the least he could do was to be there for her.

From then on, he kept having nightmares of that day. The images were engraved on his brain and whenever you called him in the middle of the night, crying for some awful thing your father did, his brain always took him back to that night.

The dreams always started the same: That day in the garage, both kids enjoying themselves until you made him get into the closet and your father barged in, yelling and beating you. At some point of the dream it changed, morphing into the actual him, locked in the closet, unable to move, shaking in fear as Jos’ beated the actual you, and your cries and pleads filled the room.

It was not until nine years later that he could finally breathe in peace. When a sixteen year old you showed up at Sebastian's house and stated that you were never going back to that awful place and you truly managed to stay there. That day the nightmares stopped coming.

Knowing that you were safe and sound, out of Jos’ reach was all he ever wanted.

He actually thought that they were gone for good. But after last weekend they came back, two nights in a row where he woke up crying, heart hammering against his chest and having the need to check on you.

That was the good thing about living together, he could know that you were sleeping safe and sound just walking 10 steps to your room and checking on you.

You didn’t know about those nightmares, he never told you, he couldn’t bring himself to do so and he planned to stay that way.

“Aren’t we supposed to take a plane in like…” he pauses for a minute to take a look at his watch. “Three hours?”

“Yep, do you have your stuff ready?”

“I do,” He nods “Tomorrow it’s going to suck.” He said looking outside.

I know what he was talking about, not being able to catch some sleep and have a full day of work the next day? Horrible.

“Tomorrow or today?” I look at him playfully and he just rolls his eyes.

“Today I guess.” He pauses before looking back at me “What kept you awake?”

I shake my head, thinking about the question before answering.

“Too much in my mind, I keep going back to the weekend and all that happened.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“With the first thing that comes into your mind when I say Italy.”

That’s how we spent the next half an hour talking. I poured everything that I had in my mind on him and he just sat there and listened to me, commenting from time to time and giving advice whenever I asked for it.

“I can’t help but think that maybe he is right, I don’t have what it takes to be here and all of this, everything that I’m doing is just a brat’s whim. I don’t know if I can keep doing this Mick, I don’t know if I truly have what is needed.”

“No, shut up. You don’t say that, that doesn’t even have to cross your mind. Y/N you are amazing, you won F3 and F2, you came along and in one movement you mopped the floor with all those guys. You are incredible, you have the skill, you have what is needed, everyone knows that, don’t let the words of some green old man make you doubt everything that you’ve accomplished so far.”

I look at him and give him a sincere smile.

“Yeah, I guess you are right.”

“No, no guess. I am right, end of story.”

I laugh and nod. “You are right, you are right.”

“I’m starving.” He said after a moment and I gasped in excitement that I’m not the only one dying of hunger.

“Me too, should we have breakfast?”

He shakes his head in denial.

“There’s nothing to eat. We haven’t gone shopping yet so we are out of food, and there’s nothing open at 3:30 a.m to go buy some now.”

I look outside the window, thinking about our options and my lightbulb turns on when I see a bright “M” sign in the distance.

“I know of something that is open at 3:30” A mischievous smile forming on my lips, he looks at me confused.

“What?”

“Mc Donalds.” I point at the sign so he can see it as well.

“No.”

“Awww, c’mon Mick! I’m going to die of starvation.” I whine holding my tummy in the most exaggerated possible way and giving him my best puppy eyes.

“Don’t be dramatic. You are not going to die, just wait a bit and we can eat something healthier at the airport.” He says being the voice of reason between the two of us, knowing how important it is not to break away from our strict eating regime.

“But I won’t survive that long! Besides, It wouldn’t be the first time we break our diet, no one has to know.”

“Giovanni always knows.” He says referencing his personal trainer.

“Please Mick.” I say elongating the ‘e’ “We can drive around as well, it would help to make a change of scenery for once.”

“But we just came from Italy!” He exclaims amused by my childish behaviour.

“And look how that turned out! It’s not the same, you know what I mean Mick. Please, for me. I need it.”

He looks at me, analyzing the situation and probably my mental state as well.

Truly he does know what I mean, it’s not the first time that we do something like that. Sometimes when we feel like everything is too much, we get in the car or his motorbike and just drive around the country with no destination, just wherever the wind takes us. Other times we go to a little place we know and love and spend the day there, enjoying the surroundings.

He heavily sighs before standing up.

“Fine, but you put the baggage in the car. We are going to land directly into the airport.”

“Yes!” I jump and hug him in happiness, quickly running over the walk in closet.

“You are truly something else Schatz,” He says for himself watching me disappear into the room with a small smile on his face, “And put something warm on! It’s cold outside.” he yells, stepping out of the room to get himself ready.

Not even fifteen minutes later we are both in the Mc Donald’s’ drive through waiting for our orders to be delivered.

“I can’t believe you are making me eat burgers for breakfast.”

“Oh, shut up. You know you like it.” I slap his shoulder as I receive the food from the window. I thanked the lady as I set the warm bags of food on my lap and the drinks on the floor. “Are we going to eat in the car, or you wanna go somewhere else?”

“Let’s go to the three.”

Immediately I know what three he is talking about and don’t doubt in agreeing with him.

Seb and Michael had discovered the place one of the times the four of us had gone out for a walk, long before I had completely moved to the country. The first time they laid eyes on the green grass and the river flowing by a huge oak tree they fell in love with the place straight away.

It wasn’t a spot like any other, no. The peace, the quietness, the energy that it radiated was incredible, it felt like it was disconnected from the outside world, from the world in general.

The river and the tree competed against each other to be the most amazing characteristic of the place but I must say that the tree had the upper hand.

It wasn’t uncommon to see oak trees in Switzerland but one this big? I don’t lie when I say it’s huge, It’s one of the biggest and fullest trees I’ve ever set my eyes on.

So quickly it became a special place for us, for my dad, for Uncle Michael, for Mick and me. With time they set up a wood bench from where you can see the sunrise and sunset and they hung from a branch of the three a pair swings for me and Mick to play around.

That was our place, and it was a beautiful one.

Whenever one of us needed peace, this is where we came.

“I don’t know if it is just me, but it looks even more wonderful in the early morning.”

I say as I sit cross legged on the bench and set the food next to me, Mick quickly follows with a blanket on his hand.

“This place will never lose its magic.” He says spreading the blanket between the two of us to shield us from the cold dawn breeze. “But yeah, It looks even more wonderful at his hour.”

I hand him his food and I start to unwrap mine.

“You’ll pray or I’ll pray?”

“I’ll do it.”

After he thanked us for the food we didn’t waste a second to start eating it.

“This is really good.” I moan, enjoying the taste of the burger and he hufs in response.

“C’mon I can do one better.”

“That’s not a lie, you should open up your own place.”

“And leave you without your most fierce competitor? Not a chance.”

I laugh, rolling my eyes at him. “Dang it, I almost got you.”

I look around the place. It’s incredible the amount of memories that this place holds and the fact that so many years had passed by and it didn’t change a thing. It feels as if the place is disconnected from the passage of the time, as if just yesterday the four of us were playing soccer and eating PB&J sandwiches while we watched the sun set. I could bet that if you stayed really, but really quiet you could still hear the wind echo Uncles Michael laugh.

My heart tugs at his memory, God how I wished to have him here like that again.

“You know what it reminds me of?” I say and he hums signaling for me to continue as he keeps chewing on his burger. “This song from Keane, ‘Somewhere only we know’”

“I don’t remember it” He says with his mouth full and I scrunch my nose in disgust.

“Mick, don’t be a pig. Swallow before talking.” He laughs and opens his mouth even more in an exaggerated gesture.

“Blah Blah Blah”

“Oh you’re disgusting.” I throw him a napkin that he catches in the air.

He laughs again before swallowing and talking, “You love me either way.”

“Sadly.” I look at him with an amused smile before picking up my phone and playing the song that I was talking about in a low volume, letting it play as background music.

“Oh!” He perks his head up once he recognizes the tune “I know this song, I walked across an empty land…”

He starts singing the words of the song quietly and I nod at him.

“I know you do, it’s a great song.”

We finish our food and I stay quiet, enjoying the moment and taking everything in. Mick signs the song almost in a whisper as I swing slowly side to side to the rhythm of the melody.

“Oh It’s a sad song” He whines when the ‘Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?’ part comes up. “Why did you put that on? Now I will feel sad.”

“Don’t be a child,” I pushed his shoulder with mine. “It’s a beautiful song.”

“It may be beautiful but I’m quite sure that when I die you are going to come here, and this is the song that you are going to play and cry your eyes out.” I look at him with my eyes open wide.

“What do you mean when you die? What makes you think that you are going to die first? Why did you kill youself already?”

“It’s just a fact” He shrugs his shoulders, folding one leg to hug it. “Men die younger than women, it’s a known truth, there’s even a scientific study about it” He explains as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well, I refuse to accept it. I don’t like it. It’s not going to be like that”

“So what? I have to be the one that’s left alive? Nah-ah.” He shakes his head. “Besides, you are strong, you are going to be just fine without me. I can picture it already, an old and wrinkled 90 year old Y/N, three WDC on her belt, white hair walking around in a cane with your grandchildren playing around you. You will be like the queen.” He jokes with a half smile on his face but I can’t follow the joke, too caught up in the statement that he just made.

“Mick, I would be nothing without you.” The words come out before I can stop them, but I don’t care. It's the truth. His smile falters as he locks eyes with me. “I mean it Liebling, I wouldn’t know how to go on without you.”

He dry swallows before looking at the waters to avoid my eyes.

“You will be just fine Y/N '' He speaks in a low volume after a minute of silence “it may hurt for a while but with time you will be able to get on your feet and go on. Women are stronger than men, just look at my mom.” He looks back at me “If it was the other way around, I don’t believe that my dad would be strong enough to continue after my mom’s loss. And it’s even worse for me, if I lose you, I lose everything.”

I gulp suddenly understanding where the whole thing of him dying first comes from and my mind blanks as words leave my brain. All of a sudden the moment feels too intimate and the atmosphere too fragile as he opens up next to me.

“I’m not as strong as you think Wiver, I actually consider me kind of a coward of a man.” He raises his hand when I open my mouth to stop me from interrupting him. “When someone that I love is on the line, or needs my help, I freeze. I’m unable to defend what I believe in, I can’t speak up. Sometimes, when everything is too much, I sit and cry my eyes out. Do you seriously believe that I would be able to go on without you? I prefer to be dead than face that situation.”

I feel my heart on my throat as his words set in. “Liebling, don’t say that.” I grab his face carefully and turn it, making him look at me. “You’re human. What you described, those feelings, fears, sadness, that is what makes us humans, you are no less of a man for any of that.”

“Yeah, you say that but what happens when there’s a situation that needs me to react quickly, to stand up for what I believe? What happens when you need me? I freeze Y/N, I can’t help you and I can’t be trusted.”

“Okay that’s not true, you’ve been there every time that I needed you.”

“After, not in the moment. After you needed me, when the damage was done, that’s when I was there.”

I purse my lips, thinking of his words. “So what you are saying is that if our house catches on fire and I’m stuck on it, you will let me burn and when the fire is out, just then you’ll come to find me?”

“Oh God no, why is your mind so twisted?”

I shrug my shoulders with a small smile on my face.

“No, c’mon answer me. I need to know if I should start to invest in life insurance.”

He laughs softly as he shakes his head and locks his eyes on mine, his smile fading as he adopts a more serious tone.

“If it’s in my power, I will never let anything happen to you Y/N. If our house is on fire and you are in there I’ll run through the fire for you. Dang it, I’ll even go through literal hell if it was needed to save you.” Silence sets between us as I words escape my mind again. “I mean it Schatz, I would run through fire for you.”

As his words settle in I let myself get lost in his eyes. Eyes that showed too much, like open gates to his soul, to his heart, to his feelings. If you see them, if you truly see them, you will be able to see the vulnerability in them, the love, the truth, the sadness, the compassion in them.

I love Mick’s eyes, they are the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. If my eyes were sea and storm, his eyes were sunsky and clear waters. They were so pierceful that it felt as if he was looking past you and through your soul, as if he could see your truth without you even opening your mouth. But those weren’t judgy cold eyes, no. Those were comprehending, loving and warm eyes.

For a moment I let my eyes wander through his face before settling them in the river in front of us as I feel my heart hammering against my chest and my cheeks getting hotter.

“Well..” I say in a small voice, fidgeting with my fingers suddenly feeling nervous as his eyes stay fixated on me. ”there you go then. In the situations that really matter, you are not going to stay behind, cross hands. And that’s what matters. You may need to work in the most trivials ones but when you truly need to act, you will. The rest that you described are only human reactions, some people have them more than others but that doesn’t make you a coward of a man.”

He hums in response, not knowing what to answer either, not quite understanding the feeling that washes over him because of this small moment they shared. So instead he looks up at the sky and finds the sun rising and dying the sky in the most beautiful colours.

“Look at the sky” I follow his haze and I ‘wow’ in amazement of the beautiful scenery in front of us. Still, my eyes are drawn back to him and unbelievably I find this frame even more beautiful than the sky.

His face was decorated by the dawn colours, marking his factions in such a beautiful way, big shining eyes taking in the moment with wonder, his messy hair shining in gold tones and dancing with the wind. The scenery around him being the cherry on top, armonazing and completing the whole thing.

My mouth fell open as I admired him.

He looked marvelous.

I take my phone without him noticing and I snap a picture to frame the moment.

“It’s beautiful.” He says amazed.

“It truly is.” I whisper back, my eyes glued on my phone, admiring the picture that I just took.

…

“Y/N, what time is it?”

“6:30”

“Damn it, our fly.”

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doyouknowbtsswag · 2 years

Text

Disgrace |Nagisa|

"Your in E-Class now?" My mom scoffed looking at the letter the school sent to our house. "I can't believe it" She slammed the paper on the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry," I said looking at my legs and kicking them back and forth. "I just didn't understand anything and the teacher wasn't helping..."

"You went from the top of B-Class to the bottom!" My mother spat.

After my dad left us my mom started getting strict about my school grades. Since she got a divorce, the family always looked 'bad' in her opinion. To be honest she's the one to blame for my dad leaving with the way she treated him. She always complained about not having a bigger house or not having the designer clothes and bags she wanted. My dad tried his hardest to make her happy but she never was, now we live in an apartment and she actually has to work.

"You are out of E-Class by March, till then your on your own"

"But you can't do that! It's not my fault!" I said standing up.

"Would you stop talking back?" She said slapping me across the face. The room fell silent that you could hear a pin drop. "You're a disgrace to this family.

She slammed the door shut leaving the room. I sighed texting Nagisa who just so happens to be in E-Class as well. Nagisa texted me back telling me to meet him at the park which I gladly responded I would meet him there. I shut off my phone and went to my room to grab my bag with my keys in it. I made my way to the door and put my shoes on. I looked up at the small mirror next to the door seeing the outline of my mom's hand on my face. I sighed and opened the door and locked it. It took me 10 minutes to walk there, and when I made it I saw a certain someone with blue hair on the swings.

"Nagisa!" I called out running to the swings making the boy look up.

"Oh hey Y/n" He smiled. "I'm surprised your mom let you come here"

"Well we aren't on great terms right now," I said sitting on the swing next to his. "Plus she doesn't know I'm out here."

"What happened?" Nagisa asked lightly swinging.

"She's upset I'm being sent to E-Class" I sighed looking down.

"Really?"

"Mhm, she's been off for a while now so it doesn't surprise me"

"What do you mean?" Nagisa said looking at me.

"She just gets angry over every little thing anymore so it's hard to even talk to her"

"Did she hit you?" Nagisa asked stopping the swing.

"Unfortunately, she said I was talking back to her and how I'm on my own till March if I don't get my grades up."

Nagisa chuckled just a little bit before looking up at the sunset. He sighed swinging again.

"Sorry I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at the fact that if we don't kill Koro-Sensei by March he's going to destroy the earth."

"I was vaguely told about the situation when I was told about the so-called downgrade," I said swinging on the swing. "What's he like?"

"Well for starters, someone who's going to destroy the earth by graduation he's really trying to teach. Honestly, he's a better help than all the other teachers I've had. He's a real pervert too but it's actually pretty funny. We use these weapons designed only for him and he isn't bothered with us trying to kill him."

"Really?"

"Yup I have a whole notebook on his weaknesses it's kinda like his personality in a way" Nagisa smiled. "Then we have a teacher who we call Professor Bitch, it's kind of a play on words of her own last name"

"E-Class sounds fun," I said smiling continuing to swing with the blue-haired boy.

"I know how you feel in a way about the treatment of being in E-Class, but once my mom saw what E-Class is like she just ignored it"

"I wish my mom would do that, she would just yell and yell till she got her way. Right now I'm just a family disgrace in her book"

"I don't think you are," Nagisa said looking over at me with a small blush, "I think your an amazing person, your are beautiful and kind but also not afraid to stand up for yourself at school."

"Thank you Nagisa" I smiled blushing a little, even though Nagisa and I were in different classes we were really close.

"We should probably head back, unfortunately"

"I don't wanna go home," I said as it started getting dark out.

"I know, but you don't want to get into more trouble," Nagisa said getting off the swing and offering a hand to help me off.

I gladly took his hand and we started walking to my house. I didn't want Nagisa to walk home alone but he's always reassured me that for reasons he can defend himself, and now I know why. He's being trained to be an assassin so he knows what he's doing. We held hands the whole way to my house, not bothering to let go. I like him so much but who knows if he has the same feelings about me.

"You better be careful getting home," I said as we made it to my house.

"I will, I'll text you when I get home"

"Promise?"

"Promise" He smiled as he let go of my hand that I missed holding already.

"Thank you, I should probably head inside before the wicked witch comes back," I said earning a small laugh from Nagisa. "I guess I'll see you at school."

I decided to be bold and kiss the blue-haired boy on his cheek and ran inside waving. Nagisa held the spot gently smiling as he watched you go inside, he waved back when he came back to reality.

"Y-yeah! See ya!" He yelled with his face red walking away.

"Well my night wasn't too bad" my face was red. "Why did I suddenly do that? I hope he doesn't think I'm weird or decide not to be my friend.

I kept mumbling to myself unlocking the door and locking it when I made it inside. I immediately walked to the bathroom to get ready for bed so I wouldn't have to deal with my mom anymore tonight. After I did my nightly routine which isn't much, to be honest, I walked into my room. I closed the door and walked over to my drawer grabbing pajamas. I put them in and turned out the light. I carefully walked to my bed and laid down underneath the blankets.

My phone buzzed and I looked over and saw the notification on my phone. It was a text from Nagisa saying he made it home and a separate text saying Good Night. I smiled and sent him a text saying Good Night. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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Sorry it’s 7 in the morning so I dunno how good it’s gonna be but I still hope you liked this chapter! ✨ Remember you are perfect and worth it the way you are!! ✨

#Nagisa #assassination classroom #koro sensei #nagisa x reader #Nagisa x you #Assassination classroom x reader

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imaginefan · 1 year

Text

Not Your Responsibility *Part 4*

Harry Bingham X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 727

Requested: Anon

Request: Will you make one more part of not your responsibility? I'd love to know what reader has plans since she says her plan is working.

*Part 3*

It was easy to plant a rumour in a place like this which was what you had in listed Allie and the rest to spread on that would be campaign ending, you needed Campbell to hear the rumour and use it the way that you knew he would, as a way to end you.

Everything from there happened very quickly. People started talking about a fake story you had created, you put up a good act as you pretended to try and ignore everything that people were saying and before long what you wanted from the plan came to fruition, the cameras were set up in your house. You were sitting in your living room when you heard the front door open, you glanced back and as you expected Campbell was standing in the doorway leading in “Can I help you?” You asked. “You're ruined…” He smirked. “That story going around is going to destroy you.” “You told them, didn't you?” You asked. “No one would have believed it if it came from me, I had the guards spread it, Liam was the one that all of them believed.” He smirked. “So tell me is that true?” “No… I don’t know where that story came from.” You answered, looking away from him. “Doesn’t matter if they all believe it, good luck winning.” He smirked “I just keep spreading it until they all believe and they’ll vote for Harry and then I’ll be in charge.” “Really?” You asked. “You think that’s how this is going to happen? If you think that I’m giving up then you are so wrong.” “I can’t wait to see you pull this back.” He teased and you rolled your eyes. “I can’t wait to see you fall on your ass.” You said not missing a beat as you attempted to walk past him but he grabbed your arm. “Give up.” He ordered. “I don’t answer to you.” You tried to pull your arm away but the bruising grip only got tighter, he turned you slamming you against the wall, the air was knocked out of your lungs as he laughed. “It’ll be worse if you don’t give up.” He promised before walking past you and leaving the house. You were still slightly dazed when Allie crouched in front of you. “Are you okay?” She asked and you nodded. “The recording..?” You asked. “We’ve got it, Gordie is sending it to everyone on an anonymous number, let me see your arm.” She ordered pulling up your sleeve, it was then that you noticed Kellie was there as well. “I don’t think it’s broken, it looks really bruised though so make sure to tell me if it gets any worse.” Kellie said.

The next morning you met Harry in a room as you all sat down to count the votes Gordie was the one who was counting them, you sat across the table from each other, Campbell was standing behind him and Allie standing behind you. Gordie pulled out the first vote which went to Harry, next two went to you and then another 3 to Harry, then another 3 to you, the counting continued until there was no paper left and when the totals were added up, you came out the winner, you leaned toys cheek against you hand and smirked. “Surprised?” You asked as you looked at Campbell. “What you were supposed to lose, everyone hated you.” He frowned. “They did, until you admitted that you spread the rumour and that was all I needed but you went one step further by assaulting me in my own home, it was all caught on camera, all that was left was to send it to a couple of people and watch it spread like wildfire.” “I’ll kill you.” Campbell said through gritted teeth. “I’m sure you'll try but that’ll be hard to do from the inside of a prison cell.” You shrugged. “Wait.” Harry called. “Good luck with your new life Harry.” You waved behind you as you left the room. “Do you really think that this is over?” Allie asked. “It’s done, no one will believe anything that he says, he might try to get me out of the leading position but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” You answered. “What about Harry?” Allie asked. “He’s not my responsibility.” You shrugged.

Requests and general question!

#society #the society #society imagine #society oneshot #harry bingham #harry bingham imagine #harry bingham oneshot #imagine #oneshot #one shot #reader insert #x reader #female reader

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karrenseely · 5 months

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A Letter to my bio mother.

A few years ago my mother wrote me out of the blue, after having not spoken to me for 20 years. She ignored me when I finally managed to graduate college despite all she'd done to me, she (and the rest of the family) ignored me at my father's funeral, she ignored me when I graduated from medical school. That first year after she and dad disowned me I wrote to them about once a month. I never got a response. That Christmas I stopped by our house and dropped off Christmas presents for everyone (Mom, Dad, Sister). Mom wouldn't even look at me and retreated into the house. Dad basically told me to go away, I didn't belong there anymore. It hurt, a lot. Then a few weeks went by, and I got a box in the mail, I was excited because the return address was my old home, I thought maybe, they've finally accepted me and come to their senses. I opened the box and was immediately crushed, they had sent back all the gifts I'd worked so hard to find for them, unopened, still in there wrapping paper. So needless to say, I was very surprised to see she had messaged me on FB, and that old hope resurfaced once again. I opened the message and was crushed... once again. She had sent me a message to yell at me. This is the letter I would have liked to send back. Instead, I blocked her because it hurt so much, even now I second guess that decision because a part of me still wishes she could have loved the daughter she had.

The message I am responding to: "I just saw your go fund me page. Our hope in "cutting you off" was to leave enough time and space for you to grow up and really think about the huge step you were wanting to take. It didn't help that YOU told us it was our fault and then demanded that we pay all your medical expenses to have the surgery. You are as much to blame for the family separation as your Dad and I are. I will accept my part of that blame. I knew when we did it that we might never see you again but it was a risk both of us were willing to take because we were hoping you would not choose to take such a difficult path through life. It was a gamble and we lost, but so did you. You have a wonderful, intelligent, funny, sweet, smart family members you have never even met. Erin's kids, Paul and Kayla. Your loss, believe me. They are great great kids and that is not a comment just from their grandmother. We hear it all the time from other adults that get to know them. When you left I lost my only son, then I lost him again when you had the operation. Not having children you can not begin to comprehend the depth of that pain. Losing a parent doesn't even come close. God gave me a second chance to have a son in my stepson, Karl, and now that has been snatched away from me as well because he committed suicide in April. Do not underestimate the amount of pain and loss your family has gone through because of your choices. Your Dad, Mother, Grandma Seely, Grandpa Seely, and all your aunts and uncles grieved for you and the person we all knew and loved named [Deadname]. Fortunately, your Grandfathers never knew what you were doing as it would have destroyed both of them. Life changes ALWAYS leave huge ripples in the pond. I wish you well in your chosen life but don't place all the blame on the family YOU chose to leave behind."

Dear Mom,

I do not understand you. I am your daughter. I have always been your daughter. On some level I'm sure you've always known this. I'm sure as a toddler I said I was a girl. I remember doing lots of things that were not typical for a little boy, but certainly were for a little girl. So I'm sure you knew, though you denied it. You denied me.

I will always be grateful to you for letting me play dolls and barbie with my sister, for letting me get a doll instead of a transformer, for teaching me how to cross stitch, knit, and encouraging me to read. For teaching me how to do household chores and how to cook. For making sure I took my medicine and staying up with me at night when my asthma was bad, for sending me to camp Not-A-Wheeze, for not letting me die on those horrid nights when I couldn't breathe. For saving my ankle and my ability to walk. For going to bat for me when that teacher really didn't like me because I had such a hard time acting like a boy.

But this is also why you hurt me so deeply. Because I mistook you loving the son you thought you had, that you wanted, for loving me. I was hurting so much. By the time I came to you, I was desperate. I was already self harming, though you never knew. I had already gone through the process of accepting I was trans, not that I liked it, but it was the only way I knew of to find any relief from the torment of not being allowed to be me. I was dying. I was already fighting the shame I'd been taught. I'd already learned it was bad to be a girl, and that it was doubly bad to be girl that everyone insisted was a boy. I had desperately tried to hide it, I was terrified of being friends with girls, because I thought if I was, someone would learn my horrible shameful secret. I had been dealing with these feelings for years before I came out to you. And I knew, if I didn't get help, I wasn't going to survive. So I came to you. But you denied my feelings and called it a phase... except this phase had lasted for years, when I look back, it lasted as long as I could remember, though I didn't understand that at the time.

I was so lost and confused, my parents didn't believe me. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to last a little bit longer. I think I came out to you again. This time you denied I was your daughter again. Things were bad, really really bad. By that time, puberty had already started and was destroying what little comfort I could find in my body, worse, to my horror, my voice started to drop. I knew there was treatment to stop this from happening, and I so desperately needed it. But everytime I asked for help I was denied. Worse, anytime I couldn't hide the fact that I was your daughter you yelled at me, shamed me, made me believe I was freak, a pervert, a monster. I felt so helpless, so hopeless, and so very very alone. I broke. I know I stopped growing mentally at that point. I dissociated so much, that what memories I have are fragmented, and I got stuck at age 15/16 for years. I couldn't cope with the world anymore. Somewhere in there you sent me to a counselor. I didn't know you were hoping he would erase me. And he hurt me, he hurt me so much. I thank the gods and the universe that you didn't force me to continue seeing him, and instead sent me to the only female psychologist in that office... but it was in that office, it was impossible to fully trust her, I never was able to talk about how I was really feeling, because I never felt safe in that office.

I stopped feeling safe at home too, after I came out to you. My parents who were supposed to love, accept, and support me, instead turned on me. Demanded I explain why I existed, why I knew I was a girl. Adult's can't even explain this, and you demanded this of me, a child. And no matter what explanation I managed to draw up, it was never enough for you. Instead you twisted it, and used it to dismantle any self worth I had, any sense of safety I had with you. For some reason, looking back I have no idea why, I trusted you right up to the day you disowned me. I thought I deserved everything you did to me. I thought that if you didn't love me, then no one could. I never even tried talking to my only two real friends I had after you disowned, as I was convinced they would hate me too if I came out to them. Thankfully, I was wrong about that.

Sometime later, I began to learn that what you did to me was wrong, I began to understand it was abuse, but it didn't really sink in, until I was at a queer youth retreat and one of the sessions was about the power and control wheel. It was then that I really saw what you had done to me, that what you were doing to me was abuse. You gaslit me from the day I was born, and everytime I tried to tell you otherwise, you told me I was crazy, I was shameful, I was broken, I sick, I was wrong, I was sin incarnate. You did everything you could to try to control and erase me short of outright murder. Worse, you actually told me you wanted me dead. What kind of mother tells her daughter she wants her daughter dead?

At some point, my maternal grandmother got a hold of me. I think it was a letter via snail mail. I learned that she still wanted to have a relationship with me. She didn't understand, and she constantly misgendered me and dead-named me, but she at least talked to me and welcomed me into her home. Then a few years later after she moved into assisted living for awhile, she disappeared. There was no forwarding address, I had no way to contact her, you stole her away from me. By that time she didn't have the cognitive faculty to get a hold of me on her own. I never saw her again. You took away the only living relative that still wanted a relationship with me... Then years later, you dangled her contact information in front of me, like I had done something wrong by not talking to her all that time. And you told me she was dying. But by that time I had already grieved for her, I couldn't go through that heart break again, and she was so far into her dementia that she wouldn't remember me anyway... why reopen those old wounds. Today I understand that was my CPTSD (from you, my peers, and society's abuse) telling me to avoid anything that would hurt.

Then, seven years ago... gods has it been seven years? It still hurts so much. Seven years ago, you apparently found out about my project to try and create a halfway house for homeless LGBT+ kids. You decided to write me the last message I ever got from you. You blamed me for what you did. That somehow it was my fault that you disowned me. You know, that day that you cut me out of your life, out of our entire family, you showed me your love was conditional. I remember you telling me that you'd take me back if I only would continue to pretend to be a boy for you, but you would be monitoring me to make sure I wasn't letting the real me out. You shattered the love and trust I had in you.

Even if I figured out somehow that I was wrong and I was a boy, how could I go back to you? To parents who never really loved me enough to let me figure everything out, to parents whose love was so conditional. And yet you say you did it for me. That is a lie. You did it for yourselves in a last ditch effort to try and continue to control me to be your imaginary son. You didn't do this to help me understand "what a huge step [I} was wanting to take." I was already well aware, I had spent years figuring that shit out even before the first time I came to you looking for help. I knew what I was in for, I'd had flashes of it for years in the abuse I suffered from my peers when they saw the girl I was trying to hide. I knew it from all the research I had done, from the fellow trans people I knew online by that time.

I didn't choose to be disowned. You chose to not love me, accept me, or support me. You chose to disown me. I didn't have any say in the matter. And yes, how you chose to respond to my distress, my suffering IS your fault. Shaming me for being your daughter when you wanted your imaginary son. Shaming me for being a girl, for teaching me that I was something that needed to be hidden, something horrible, something icky, for forbidding me from talking to my sister about it, the only other person I had ever considered talking to about it after coming out to you, why? The only conclusion I could reach at that age is that I was so sick, so horrible, I would somehow corrupt her too. So I obeyed you and no, I never told her. She learned some of it on her own, but because I wasn't allowed to talk to her about it, she considered me a pervert. I never discussed any of it with her... not until after you disowned me.

So yes it is your fault. I WAS A CHILD! Worse, I was your child! Of Course I thought you would help me! It's why I came to you in the first place, it's why I kept coming to you. Because I WAS YOUR CHILD! I was your daughter and I was suffering so much. The only two paths I could see, that I could ever see was death or finally getting to be me, in a body that didn't constantly hurt me so much. But you denied me all of that. You denied me. You chose to do all of that to me. For what? For an imaginary son that never existed? You broke me. Of Course I blame you for that. I blame you for all the emotional abuse, neglect, and medical neglect you did to me. You were my mother, you were supposed to love ME, not some imaginary person you wanted instead, but ME. It is beyond twisted to me that you think I am as much to blame for what you chose to do to me. I didn't have a say in the matter. I had two options: live and be myself (while apparently losing everyone I ever loved) or dying. I chose to live. I refused to die for you. You haven't accepted any blame at all. You never did. All you do is try to gaslight me into believing that my being your daughter is somehow my fault. I didn't get the choice. You decided to create me. You decided to give birth to me. You decided to accept the responsibility of raising me. And then when I refused to be what you wanted... you threw me away like garbage. The only reason you never saw me again is because you never accepted that you had a daughter instead of a son. You never loved me. You wanted me dead and told me so yourself. With everything I went through growing up, it's a miracle I survived. To this day, I don't know how I did. Not with how much you tried to destroy me. You gambled with my life, hoping I would choose to continue to pretend to be your son, that I would continue to endure the constant torture of not being me. I would not have survived that. I barely survived at all.

Thank you for reminding me how much you took away from me. You took away my parents, my sister, my extended family. You took away everyone I ever loved. Thank you for reminding me that I have never been allowed to meet my niece and nephew, who by now are adults living their own lives. I pray to this day that neither of them were LGBT+, given the family they grew up in... it would have been a nightmare for them. I still grieve that they never tried to get in touch with me, that my sister never allowed me to be part of their lives.

You said when you disowned me you "lost [your] only son." But that's the whole problem. You never had a son. And you refuse to see this. To this day, you deny my existence, and blame me for it. And you assume I don't have kids. I have 3 wonderful kids who are becoming adults as we speak, or are approaching adulthood far to rapidly for my liking. They are amazing. And unlike my niece, nephew, and step brother, you chose to never have them be a part of your life. I am so proud of them. So please don't presume to know how I would understand the pain if I were to lose them. And please don't presume to think that the pain of losing a child is the same as losing everyone you ever loved, of knowing your parents hate you, of knowing your mom wanted you dead. The pain of knowing this when I was still just a child. These are two entirely different traumas. Please don't equate them. And please don't presume that it wasn't you who chose to throw your child away like she was garbage.

When father died, you ignored me, you tried to keep me away from his funeral. If my sister hadn't called me, I would never have known. And then at the funeral you never acknowledged my presence, no one from our family did. Instead you had your church lackeys try to push me out the door while I sat in that chair weeping, grieving. Did you know, that it was then that I finally understood you were not ever going to love me, accept me, or ever be a positive part of my life.

My grandfathers never knew the real me, because you made me believe telling them would kill them. I remember I tried reaching out to one of my uncles once, but it was such a hard conversation, and it only felt like they wanted to get off the phone. They never called me back or tried to reach out to me. No one except my maternal grandmother ever reached out to me in any positive way. So please don't tell me they all grieved for me, they chose to never talk to me again. They chose to cut me out of their lives as much as you did. I have very little sympathy for them, given when you disowned me I was homeless. I couch surfed throughout that summer. I really needed their help, since you refused to help me. Had it not been for some amazing friends letting me stay with them, and helping me get back on my feet, I would have ended up on the streets, like so many homeless LGBT+ kids. They chose to do that to me, just as you did. So no, I won't cry any tears for them choosing to throw me away too.

You mentioned that I had a step brother, whom I was never able to meet. You seemed to think you could replace me with him. I feel so bad for him, that you would put that burden on him. And then before I even knew I had a step-brother, he took his own life. I wonder every day if it was because he was LGBT+ and the abuse he suffered killed him. I wonder all the time if you abused him like you abused me. I wonder, what if he had been able to talk to me, get support from me, if he'd still be here. It hurts to know he died by suicide, because I wonder if it was for the same reason I almost died. I will always wonder...

You wrote this letter hoping to hurt me I think. You succeeded. You hurt me again. I had managed to live my life, find a family for myself. A family that actually loves me for me. Whom I can share all the joys and sorrows of life with. Whom got to see the joy I experienced when I finally got to be myself. When I didn't have to hide anymore. Who got to see me graduate college, who got to see me go to medical school, who saw me graduate and flourish. With three wonderful children that I helped to raise, and 6 others that are like nieces and nephews to me. But out of the blue, you wrote to me, to try to hurt me again. For what? Because I wanted to help other LGBT+ kids who went through what I went through? How petty is that? And yet despite everything I had accomplished, everyone I loved currently. You still managed to find me and hurt me again.

The day I got that message from you, was the day I was finally able to make a choice about our relationship. I'd never been able to before. It was the day blocked you from contacting me on FB ever again. Please don't try to contact me again. You made your choice, and it is apparent to me that you will never acknowledge what you did to me. How much you hurt me. How 27 years later I'm still in therapy over what you did to me. I've long since lost hope that you'll ever tell me you love ME and that you're sorry.

Sincerely, your daughter, always,

Karren

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