from the depth, to the shoreline

Summary:

Childe like to drown his feeling. Literally. After Osial, he frequently goes to lakes, usually Luhua Pool. Making sure no one is around before stepping into the water. He'll float a bit before taking a deep breath and let himself sink. Before, back in the abyss, inside the water is where he feels most safe, apart from his Master's side. But here in Liyue, there’s no Master. It aches something terrible in Ajax's chest, because Liyue used to be warm. It almost feels like home. But no more. So he returns to the water, where it feels more safe, much like a creature of the depth he truly is inside. When he emerges, everything will be muffled either from lack of oxygen or the after-effect of the underwater silence. There'll be dizziness, but it is worth it for the few moments in which he becomes one with hydro. Free from thoughts of his mission, about Zhongli, about Liyue. But of course, nothing lasts. Not for him. Ajax is never that lucky. One of Zhongli's Adepti saw him.

Chapter 1 : Seeking The Nostalgic Abyss

The winds blow softly, making a hypnotic sound and shaking the red leaves on the trees. Some of it falling into the water and creating a ripple. The motion of water and the reflected sunlight gives an illusion that something is shifting slightly. It enhances the mystery and beauty of Luhua Pool, giving no other obvious change despite currently hosting an extra person in its water.  

Childe— no, Ajax blankly stared at the overflowing blue around him, eyes absently focusing on some fish. His thoughts have been turning round and round, just like the fish in front of him. This fish appears to have taken a liking to him, twirling around and picking at his hair. It's a cute playful fish worthy to be pampered and Ajax usually will coo at it, but his mind is currently elsewhere. He just can't make sense of it.

‘How can Zhongli be Morax?’

Besides the ridiculous development that the God he has been searching for months is actually the same person that has been dining with him almost every day— ’How scary...’ Something in Ajax whispers. It sounds afraid and thrilled at the same time. How can he smile, tell stories and eat with him as if he doesn't have the power to fatally wound Ajax? Ajax bitterly realized how many openings he gave away. Zhongli is always so steady without changing his rhyme. It is a lulling sort of peace. He never did give a reaction when Ajax purposely tried to provoke and needle him at the start of their relationship. ‘What makes you think he won't kill you later?’, the voice whispers sweetly. —Ajax still can't wrap around his head that Zhongli is Morax. Klutzy with mora Zhongli, who can't cook quickly to save his life and always savor his tea like some kind of tea connoisseur? Keeping aside that (endearing) part of him and his own mixed feelings, Ajax it's genuinely confused. Wasn't Morax supposed to be a Warrior God? A fierce dragon that successfully defeated other Gods that threatened Liyue in the past? How can he be that unassuming consultant who seems to have an endless story to tell? From the few interactions Ajax has with dragons in Snezhnaya, they're always callous and cruel to other beings. They're powerful but arrogant, only holding themselves as a special existence. Even among their species they hold those pride and won’t associate with other dragons, seeing only themselves as the most important. It is that arrogance that makes their downfall. Childe always did have the most fun while fighting them. He always comes to that brink between life and death whenever he must deal with them. It is one of the reasons that makes him very excited when he is sent to Liyue. Unfortunately instead of the thrill and satisfying scars, what he got here is a wound that can’t be defended with his blade. It is a wound that does not cause his flesh to separate and tear, but still manages to be even more painful than that.

Because the wound is not physical. Surely even if the region is different, Liyue dragon will have some similarities? How can a person like Zhongli— Ah. Of course. Ajax wants to slam his head at the rock behind him. So he did. Letting out a few bubbles while at it. Turns out that having an epiphany underwater is a bad idea. Childe gasp as he burst out of the water and hold his bleeding head. Cursing he slowly trekked back to the land. He can't believe how stupid and careless this realization is. Morax's true form is said to be unknown. Although he is often depicted as a majestic dragon, there's a talk and record that said Morax is part Qilin. Of course, expecting him to act territorial like other dragons is a no-go! Childe wouldn't have wasted a few weeks messing around Adepti's domain if he know this! “Why is everyone obsessed with only the Dragon part? No wait, why didn't I think of that! “ Childe mutters furiously while walking back to the Northland Bank. Ignoring the whisper and suspicious stare thrown at him. Walking back to his room, he take out the files named [Beings to Fight in Liyue], flipping around until he got the section he want to.

Qilin. One of the illuminated beasts in Liyue, a creature with supernatural abilities, including heightened combat prowess, extreme longevity, and the ability to speak human language. The Qilin are gentle creatures who refuse to harm any animal, living a vegetarian lifestyle, with fur as soft as clouds. However, when they do not live in times of peace, they will fight.

“Huh, that makes so much sense.” Childe trailed off. Actually, he remembered halfway that in Liyue, a dragon is depicted as not only powerful but also wise, symbolizing both power and leadership. So even if Morax being part Qilin is not true, it still fits Zhongli's temperament. Still imagining him as a part of a gentle beast like Qilin makes it easier to connect Morax's identity with the man Childe once knew. But what use is knowing this fact now?

Suddenly the files in his hands become less interesting and feel even mocking to him. Childe silently closes it and put it back into the hidden compartment.

The next times Childe decides to sink himself, he stays under the water for much longer. If the first time he sinks into Liyue water was for the sake of ruminating and filtering the information that shook his world, then the times after that are purely for the sake of dealing with his emotion. To put it simply, Childe like to drown his feeling. Literally. After Osial, when he stays too long in Liyue Harbor, there's an urge to search for lakes. Usually, he will end up heading to Luhua Pools. It's because no one loiters there aside from a few treasure hoarders. The fact that the water is clean also makes it an easy choice, he likes to appreciate the view around him.

”Xiangsheng, you’re not joking when you said it's beautiful!” Childe can't help but gasp at his surrounding. He received a smile, before the man standing beside him replied with fondness that can be heard, eyes already looking from the start to see his reaction,  “Of course not, I did say I will bring you to the most wonderful place in Liyue. I’m glad, it seems you have taken a liking to this place?” “Yes! The water is very clean and the pools are fascinating too! Oh, I wish I can share this with Tonia, she would love it. I should’ve brought my kamera.” Childe cant help to lament. His princess always appreciates the scenery he encounters on his journey. This place might be one of the best places Childe has visited in Liyue. A hum of thought escape the man's mouth. His gaze is still fixated on the redhead instead of the beautiful scenery around him,  “Hmn, Tonia is your sister correct? Although I too, didn’t bring any kamera with me, there’s a talented painter named Veemer that recently looks for inspiration from this place. It is said that he likes to wander around here. Perhaps we can see if he got some painting you can buy for your sister.” “Huh.” “Huh?” Amber eyes look at him questioningly. Holding his laugh, Childe said with a grin,  “I mean, of course, you would know a painter that likes to wander around beautiful spots. Sure then! Let's walk around and maybe we will bump into him. You can tell me the stories about this place while at it.” A nod and a satisfied smile,  “My pleasure. Luhua Pools has been said to be an ancient garden made from deep pure affection. Although no one is sure whose affection it is and toward who that feeling is directed. Two statues stand tall near the pools as if guarding the garden. People have said that those statue eyes will light up sometimes—” “Can the statue move?! You think they’ll make a good fight?” Childe gasped in delight at the prospect of a fight. A startled laugh before, “Childe, please wait—”

It's not as if Ajax has other reasons to choose these pools. 

Full chapter on ao3

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

as far as i'm concerned all gore is necessary

when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people

the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

Nothing will dispell the "the curtains were just blue" myth faster than writing something yourself, because the amount of pretentious symbolism i am putting in my silly little fanfics is ridiculous. I mean SO much with these words, literally every single one of them. This fic has twenty five typos and zero correct uses of punctuation but if there's curtains you bet your ass I put thought into what colour they were.

changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.

I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.

Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.

No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.

But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?

also posting these two on their own :-) based on This post by @outpastthemoat

Me: maybe I’m not cut out to be a writer…idk what if I’m not good enough

BookTok romance writers: ‘what if you were just a normal school teacher…but the MINOTAUR wanted to get you PREGNANT’

Shipping is fun and all but I swear every single time someone makes a comment, whether as a joke or in a legitimate analysis, about there being "no other explanation" for a pair's interactions, I lose just a bit more of my sanity

Like, no, you guys don't get it. Romance is not about the Amount of devotion, it's about the COLOR. the FLAVOR of it all. a character can be just as devoted to their platonic friend as they are to their romantic partner, and they don't love either of them more, just differently.

But because the majority of people still have it stuck in their minds that romance exists on the highest tier of love, I'm stuck seeing endless takes that boil down to "these two care about each other too much for it to NOT be romantic" as if that's the core determining factor to how literally any of this works

In conclusion: stop telling me that I don't understand the story if I don't interpret the leads as romantic, I am TIRED

fanfic is so good bc the premise of some genres of fic are just inherently funny. I want these two grizzled crime drama protagonists to have some fucking fun for once, so they go to a water park. I dont care how i have to logic my way into them going there i dont care who has to drag them Theyre Going

He'd been flying above Metropolis.

Like a good ghost! Doing nothing but relax! Enjoying the weather, really.

It was so cool, Superman came up to him, they talked even! Superman was very, very, uncomfortable when Danny mentioned he was kinda dead.

It was really awesome.

Yeah, the keypoint being was.

Now? Now he is in Superman's arms, very much alive after being hit by a stray beam from Lex Luthors newest invention, quite literally hit from the sky when he didn't expect it and out of f reflex turned back human.

"I'm... alive?" He jokes weakly, smiling awkwardly at Superman's stare.

Danny considered this awkward.

Clark was processing the fact Lex Luthor somehow managed to bring back someone from death, his hands now full of said miracle and—

Shit, does the kid even have family left? What's he going to tell Lois!?

COMMENT ON OLD FICS, I BEG YOU!

I swear to god after like a week people will still be reading but nobody leaves comments anymore and I just want to make it absolutely clear that I would be excited and elated to get a comment on these fics one hundred years after I post them.

A FIC IS NEVER TOO OLD TO LEAVE A NICE COMMENT ON. GO FORTH AND COMMENT!

This is basically Michael in FNAF Sister location,,