My doodles while I was waiting for the panel

this guy suuuucksss he can't catch anythingggg

should i take a sleeping pill im already underslept who fucking cares anymore

how does one cope with knowing that every moment of their happiness can only exist with the continued exploitation of colonized nations. like even if i kill myself it wont be enough and even if i devote my life to change it wont be enough because all forms of my happiness are predicated on theft and destruction.

a video call for help from @haya-orouq19 who is in gaza

[Transcript: Please don't scroll if you want to help a family in Gaza. Hey everyone, this is Haya Orouq, I am 18 years old from Gaza City. Today is the 167th day of the war in Gaza City. And through this war we lost our house, my university was bombed. My whole childhood neighborhood area was completely damaged. We have been displaced to three different places in search of a safer place but unfortunately there's no safer place in Gaza. Everywhere there's bombing, everywhere is dangerous, so we are now displaced in Deir al-Balah. And me and my family lost everything, we have nothing left here in Gaza.

And my mom is very sick also, she is suffering from Lupus and because she has Lupus, she is a kidney failure patient in need of an urgent treatment and care outside of Gaza. The hospitals here is so poor and bad and the quality of her treatment is getting worse and worse because the quality of the hospitals is bad, because of the conditions of the war. So please guys, help my family, we deserve to- we deserve a decent life, we deserve to start a new beginning and deserve a new life.

So, here's the link in the bio and you can help me by sharing the video, repost, comment, like, whatever you can do can help. Every one dollar can make a difference. You can make life-changing difference to my family, you can save my family, you can save my mom. I am also trying to reach out to as many celebrities who are interested in helping people like me by making videos about the family that needs help in Gaza, like me. So I will mention them in the comment and please go to them, ask them to share my videos, and to make a video about my campaign and ask them to share my link. This is so urgent, I need your help guys because my account is prevented from receiving and sending messages so I can't reach out with them. I will mention them so please help me, and help my family.

I can't bear seeing my mom struggling with death because she has a dangerous disease which is Lupus and she is a kidney failure patient and I can't bear seeing my older sister suffering from hunger. So please guys, you can do it and please make #HelpHayasFamily. Share this video, whatever you can do can help. You can share the link as widely as possible, you can share the video. End of transcript.]

you can donate to her campaign here!

ilya kaminsky, “we lived happily during the war”

A BLURRED LOVE

Into One Another III, To PPP,  Berlinde De Bruyckere (2010) / Hysterics of Love, Eric Fischl (1997) / We Are All Flesh, Berlinde De Bruyckere (2009)

its crazy growing up and realizing how deranged everyone is and how many problems everyone has. in such mundane ways. your waiter at olive garden believes in q anon. the woman doing your x ray just moved in with a guy she met a week ago. your insurance agent is a hoarder. etc.

i kno i need to learn meditation to fix my shitty brain but sitting quietly without falling asleep is like asking me to hold an ice cube in my mouth without it melting

Hahahaha that's funny. No if I say anything negative towards him he'll beat me up and I'll become homeless

list of mantras that have become my favorites:

play the cards youre dealt, but play them -> litany against self-sabotage and decision paralysis

if other can do it, good for them -> litany against the desire to measure self-worth against the achievements of others

this too shall pass -> litany for perseverance. the present will become the past. there will be an ending sooner or later

I'm begging other trans people to read an ounce of Black Feminist or Decolonialist Feminist writing. I'm on my hands and knees and begging you. I promise you, I promise you, there is so much more to Feminist theory than anything you have picked up from White/Radical/Pop/Liberal Feminism I promise you. Read There Is No Hierarchy Of Oppressions By Audre Lorde. I have a link to the PDF right here you can read it for free. Take my hand I can't do this alone (thanks glass beach). Peace And Love On Planet Earth.