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buckybarnesb-tch · 11 months

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Hi, can I make a request about Yandere Bucky when he is your therapist and after you tell all your shit he falls in love with you (I would like to have a little jealousy from him for the boys you are with)

Love your work <3

Yandere Therapist!Bucky

This was a very interesting one to write. I’m really starting to love writing AU’s of both Bucky and Klaus

Bucky knew very quickly that he was in love with you.

You sought out a therapist when you started having panic attacks more frequently and you met with 3 before walking into James Barnes office. He was polite, gentle and understanding in a way you had never experienced from any man in your life up to that point and that’s why you decided to come back again, and again, eventually deciding to meet with him once a week.

He was a very kind man. You talked about things with him that you had never told anyone before and he understood that, you appreciated how he would ask a question and change the subject to something lighter when you became overwhelmed, making a note to circle back to it later, never wanting you to become too upset but also pushing you just enough to begin making progress with your mental health.

You looked forward to your time with James, who had insisted on your third visit that you just call him Bucky. He made you so comfortable that you felt like you were talking to a friend and when you expressed that he told you that’s exactly what he wanted, for you to feel comfortable and safe in his office to discuss the painful experiences in your life, of which there were many.

Bucky however, by the end of your first session, he had fallen head over heels in love with you. He ensured you would be coming back to see him, it didn’t feel like work to talk to you, and he wanted to know everything there was to know about you. He could admit to himself he had become a bit obsessed…completely obsessed.

After your third session he made sure he had no other clients that evening and he hopped into his car, following you home to find out where it was you lived with the man you called your boyfriend.

Bucky hated Max.

Max was a physically and emotionally abusive asshole that you couldn’t find your way out from under. He had manipulated you into complete dependency on him and Bucky didn’t just hate him, he was Jealous. He wanted you to look at him like that, as the man to provide for you, as the man to take care of you, as the man for you to love with your whole heart.

He hated every man you had ever spoken with him about. When you and Bucky had started getting into talking about your sex life his jealousy got infinitely worse. He loved how honest you were with him, trusting him with your experiences and fantasies, even trusting him with your painful and scary experiences which he hated that you had been forced to live through. He decided he would make sure that you would never suffer again.

James Barnes was going to be your lover, your boyfriend, your Daddy. He was going to be your everything and you would love every minute of it.

‘I know that it’s scary for you Doll, but this relationship as you’ve described it to me isn’t healthy. You’ve told me about his abuse and his explosive rage, you’re not safe in his house, it’s not a home for you. Men are supposed to be gentle and caring with their women, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun in the bedroom however you want but a man should never put their hand on you in anger.’ James explained, placing his notebook down and standing up. ‘May I?’ He asked and you nodded, moving over so that he could sit beside you on the couch. ‘I want you to let me hold you, you need to experience what kind touches from a man are like. I think if you feel them, then you’ll understand a bit better how important they are. If that’s okay, of course. I would never do anything you were uncomfortable with.’

‘I…yeah, it’s okay, um…how do…?’ He smiled at your awkward feelings, holding his arms out.

‘Come here Doll, let me hold you.’ Y/n moved closer to his side, leaning into his chest and sighing as his arms wrapped around her.

‘Now what?’

‘Just enjoy it. Hold on.’ Bucky lifted her up and moved to lay himself back against the couch so she was laying on his chest and he held her firmly, pressing his lips to her forehead. ‘There you go beautiful girl, you’re safe. No one is going to hurt you. I’ll keep you safe.’ His fingers brushed through her soft hair as he fought with his cock in his mind to not get excited no matter how desperate he was to have you ride him like this. It was only about 30 seconds of cuddling before he felt her sobbing into his chest and he immediately held her tighter, rubbing her back and kissing her head. ‘I know. It’s okay Darlin, this is how it’s supposed to feel. You’re supposed to feel safe with your man.’

‘I’ve never felt safe like this…wish I had met you somewhere else.’ She teased and he chuckled along but he knew it didn’t matter where or when they had met, because Y/n was going to be his now.

Bucky kept that up as he began seeing her twice a week, every session went like that from then on. He would spend 30 minutes talking to her before moving to sit beside her and hold her to his chest once again and she never once complained, often being quite unhappy when the hour was up and it was time to go home. He loved that.

A session later he began kissing her head, then her cheek and the week after that he pressed their lips together quickly before ending that session and she was red as a tomato. He loved how sweet and innocent she was even after all of the pain she’s suffered. In their next session he found her burying her face into his neck, nuzzling as close as she could and he tested the waters a bit brushing his hand slowly from her lower back to her butt, caressing her ass gently but she never made any indication she was upset by it. He moved himself a bit and made it seem natural before bending his leg up between hers so his thigh was pressed right against her pussy. She whimpered in his ear as she fidgeted and he enjoyed her reactions quite a bit, trying to suppress his cock as it responded to her hot breath against his neck. He didn’t move again, just allowing her to be comfortable with him touching her like this no matter how difficult it was.

It was that next session that he broke her.

He had maneuvered her into the same position as 3 days ago, face in his neck, straddling his thigh before he pressed his leg more firmly into her, hearing her loud moan though she tried to muffle it. ‘Oh god! I’m sorry, I-‘

‘No, no sorries. Just relax pretty girl.’ He moved the same way once again and her hips rutted down against him as her fingers tightened into his shirt. ‘There you go. Feels good, doesn’t it?’ Y/n nodded into his neck as her body continued moving, grinding down on his leg until she was riding it like a desperate whore and Bucky was living for it. He was in heaven as his girl moved herself on him in ways he only imagined before. ‘That’s it, keep going. Use me Doll, make that pretty pussy feel good, you deserve to feel so good.’ One of his hands held her ass while the other trailed up the back of her shirt to touch her soft skin for the first time. ‘He doesn’t do this for you, does he? Does he make your cunt drip all over him?’ She shook her head frantically, so high on her pleasure he didn’t think anything could shake her out of it right now. ‘Dumbass doesn’t deserve such a pretty pussy, or such a wonderful girl. A good man would never treat you like that.’ He said it in such a way that he knew she would equate that good man to him, she was already half in love with him before, he hoped to push her over the edge today by literally pushing her over the edge. ‘Such a good girl.’ The moan that came out of her mouth was possibly the most desperate and needy sound he had ever heard, coupled with the sound of a sob and he quickly began moving his leg to help her finish faster. ‘It’s okay, just let it out, you cry if you need to precious. You’re a good girl, no matter what that idiot says. You’re so fucking good! No such thing as too needy with a good Daddy, I’m here. You’re safe baby, just…let go. Let go for Daddy.’

‘Oh God!’ She screamed, crying out in completion and desperation as she held tighter to his body. He held her to him and brushed through her hair gently as she came down from her intense orgasm and she was cuddled so close he believed she wanted to become one with his body. It was at that moment that the timer went off, letting him know that their hour was up and he slammed his hand against it to shut it up. ‘Shit!’

‘Don’t worry Y/n, it’s okay. I don’t have another client, just relax for a few minutes and-‘ she pushed herself off of him and quickly jumped up.

‘Im sorry, I should have done that! Oh God! I just assaulted you! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!’ She was frantic, moving to grab her bag as Bucky jumped up after her. ‘Don’t try and tell me it’s okay, that wasn’t okay! I’m a horrible person! You should never want to see me again-‘

‘And yet, I do. Relax Y/n, don’t you think if I didn’t want you to, I would have pushed you off? I’m plenty strong enough-‘

‘You felt sorry for me! Because of course you do! I’m so desperate for some affection that I just jumped my therapist, it’s fucking pathetic! I’m so-‘

‘If you say “sorry” one more time I’m going to take you ever my knee.’ He warned and she just whined, moving for the door. ‘Y/n!’ He caught her arm as she moved out the door and she wouldn’t look at him. ‘Please tell me you’re coming back? You’re scheduled for Tuesday and Friday, just please? Please come back?’ She hesitantly nodded before rushing out the door and leaving him to kick himself for pushing you too hard. He needs to get her back.

Tuesday came and went, she didn’t show up for the appointment and Bucky was worried. He drove passed her apartment and didn’t see any lights on, waiting there for a few hours but not once was there any movement. He called your cell and left a message for you, continuing to look for you after work Wednesday and Thursday just needing to see that you were alright.

When Friday came he was preparing to finish early that day since he assumed you weren’t coming until he heard the soft knock on his door, opening it to see you standing there with your hair covering your face which was odd, it was usually upon a ponytail or at least pinned away from your eyes. ‘Hey. I was getting worried about you, you didn’t call me back, I thought you were gonna skip out on me again.’ He moved and led her to the couch after shutting the door and sitting beside her. ‘Y/n? What’s wrong?’ Bucky moved to tuck her hair behind her ear and saw the purple color on her eye prompting him to tilt her head up. She had bruises around both of her eyes, her jaw was bruised and it looked a lot like finger shaped bruises, along with a split lip in 2 places. ‘Did he do this?’

Y/n nodded. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I…I tried to break up with him on Monday and this happened. I fell down the stairs and ended up in the ER, I stayed with my friend after that. My voice was messed up cause of the bruises on my throat, I didn’t want you to be subjected to that over the phone.’ She teased but his face let her know that he didn’t find it funny before he pulled her into his arms firmly.

‘Don’t you joke about this, this isn’t amusing to me. He could have killed you, I-I could have lost you!’ Bucky knew if there was ever a time to get to her it was now, she was already in love with him, this was the perfect moment to give her that final push. He pulled her onto his lap gently, not knowing where she was bruised and not willing to cause her harm before turning her head and pressing his lips to hers gently, not wanting to harm her split lip. She gasped against him but relaxed none the less into his body and into the kiss. ‘Please tell me you’re done with him? You can come and stay with me, I’ll take care of you! I can’t live without you anymore Princess, I just can’t!’

‘You’re my therapist, I can’t move in with you. That’s all kinds of illegal, you could get in so much trouble-‘

‘I stopped being your therapist the first time we cuddled in your session. I care about you so much Y/n, I can’t spend another minute without you in my arms. Please?’ His hand trailed up her back under her shirt as he kissed her neck over the bruises which he knew she loved.

‘Daddy…’ she whimpered, needy and desperate before Bucky couldn’t hold it in anymore. He spun them around so he pinned her to the couch, wrapping her legs around his waist, Y/n’s hands buried in his hair while his hips ground down against hers, letting her feel his hard cock pressed against her for the first time.

‘That’s right Princess, I’m your Daddy now, and you’re fucking mine!’ He couldn’t control the growl in his voice as he felt her sweet pussy pressed against him through their clothes, desperate to feel her warmth wrapped around him.

‘Oh God, I-‘ He cut her off with his hand around her throat.

‘Mine! You’re done with that fucking idiot, Daddies gonna take care of you now. Starting with taking you home and fucking this little cunt I’ve been desperate for since you sat on this couch your first day! Are you gonna be Daddies good girl?’ She nodded quickly, holding tightly to him, clearly needy for him now. Bucky knew that he wanted more than anything to fuck her in his office, however he also knew that once he felt her he would never pull his cock out of her again, he would be fucking her all night. He needed to get her home so that he could have his way with her and he knew she would do anything he asked of her right now. ‘Good.’ He yanked her up to her feet before bending down and hoisting her over his shoulder causing her to squeal before he slapped his metal hand painfully against her ass. ‘Let’s get you in the car. Daddy needs to feel your hot mouth around my cock.’

Her responding moan was all he needed. Y/n was his now and no one would take her from him, even if he needed to kill that punk asshole to ensure it.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

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lobotomizedlady · 7 months

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That dating app Anon is hilarious. So inaccurate.(I personally think dating apps is more scary than walking alone at midnight. Cause you’re looking to meet with a strange man on the internet ;fuck no. That chills my blood thinking of it. But I know folks who used dating apps.)

But my aunt met her husband on a dating app. She was I think in about at least her late 30’s or early 40’s, because my cousin were teenagers at that age. She divorced her husband for finding out he was a porn user

I came from Mormonism and people act like you’re an old maid if you’re unmarried at 21+ so it’s just makes me cringe realizing how much our society is influenced in general with cults. This cult mentality of thinking. Patriarchy is a sex and death cult.

I personally have no interest in dating at this point and some women seem to think it’s sad I’m childfree and single… but I don’t want kids either. I’ll have women tell me “it can happen at any age!” And express they had their first child at 37, or start their career till 40.

It’s so sinister how we are taught to fear aging. It’s a major distraction. From career and ambitions and talents and hobbies.

I think maybe men know that because they die sooner they want to take us with them, they’re like leeches.

Go on a dating app and pose as a 15 year old girl, a lot of men, a scary amount of men will prey in teenage girls online. So what exactly was anon’s point?

I’ve found the older I get, the less vulnerable I am to manipulation, and I think that’s why men prefer “younger women.”

First of all your aunt is based as fuck for divorcing her husband bc of porn. I'm assuming it was a decision based in religion since you said you come from Mormonism but still, always good to hear about a hypocritical coomer getting his ass kicked to the curb.

Oh you are sooo spot on with the observation of how society is absolutely infested with cult mentality. Patriarchal society in general really can be considered one of the biggest cults known to humanity bc basically every man alive is complicit & seeks to keep women from questioning our "role" with various strategies ranging from "you'll die a lonely hag surrounded by 20 cats if you don't conform" to "you'll burn in hell if you don't conform." And of course, conforming in both cases means spending your entire life in the service of men despite the well documented fact that single childless women are a happier demographic on average than married women with kids. Cults brainwash people the same way patriarchy brainwashes women: by fear mongering with lies & propaganda designed to ensure our subordination. It's all such bullshit.

And yeah men definitely prefer younger women out of a desire to manipulate & mold them into their "ideal woman" in addition to the pedophilic beauty standards they have. They admit to it as well bc they genuinely don't seem to understand why it's fucking disgusting and horrific and literally grooming (they hate when you use that word to describe a 47 yr old dating a 19 yr old but adults can be groomed too, every abusive relationship involves grooming and an age gap isn't even a necessary component though it helps due to the lack of maturity & life experience, which abusive men are well aware of and actively seek out).

I like how you rightfully call the fear of aging imposed on us by society as a distraction bc that's exactly it. Capitalism (which is imo inherently a greedy corrupt & deeply male minded model of economics) wants us wasting time and money on stupid shit like plastic surgery wrinkle creams and botox, to line their pockets yes but also bc as long as we are directing our critical eyes towards the mirror the ruling class (again, mostly male) are free to continue operating as usual without pesky things like protests and boycotts getting in the way of their bottom line. Not to mention on a personal level, men get to benefit from us being too absorbed in self scrutiny to realize we are worth more than what they give us (usually nothing but headaches) & the beauty obsession is nothing more than fighting a battle that can never be won bc the standard always morphs & female body types literally go in and out of fashion with the times.

#i havent slept in like 32 hrs so i hope all of this makes sense lol #thanks for the ask i enjoy the excuse to go on tirades abt this stuff #asks

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theaustinrockwell · 1 year

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Competence, Confidence, and Toxic Masculinity

What I'm about to say will get me cancelled as a trans person: Jordan Peterson makes a good point about the problem of psychopathic men, how they fake healthy masculinity and confidence, and how this leads men who love women to dull down all of their healthy masculine traits.

As a disclaimer, Jordan Peterson said some hateful things about Elliot Page and his gender transition. Dr. Peterson publicly called Page's doctor a criminal for supporting Page's gender transition, for which Peterson's license is on the line.

Putting aside Dr. Peterson's ignorance on the neuroscience of transgenderism (clinical psychologists are not neuroscientists and few of the areas of the brain that gender seems to "occur" in have been scientifically quantified) and his ignorance of Page's childhood attempts to transition in 1996, he has explained a useful model for why "assholes" and "toxic" men seem to do so well and why other men, who are not so evil, are becoming more feminine to their detriment.

There is a small percentage of men who are psychopathic and who embody the term "toxic masculinity." These are the men who hurt others just to get ahead and win. They are truly narcissistic and walk around like they're divinely appointed, whether they're famous musicians or the manager at Staples. These men are confident. They are masculine. Within them are both good masculine traits and very bad ones. And these men hurt women. They may have flashy, expensive things, and be charismatic and have women all over them at parties, but they are also callous and cruel. They may get drunk and berate or physically harm others around them. Behind the confidence and bravado is explosive insecurity. They take masculinity, which includes action, resource acquisition, physical prowess, and other things, to its toxic end. The energy otherwise used to build, hunt for resources, and protect becomes destructive, directs the hunt towards loved ones, and only serves to protect one's ego.

From a woman's perspective, this all falls under the umbrella of masculinity, but it is tough to tease apart what is healthy masculinity (building and providing) from toxic masculinity (destroying and stealing). When you have a psychopathic man who is charismatic and manipulative, it all blurs together. The onslaught of a narcissistic man is a hurricane of confusion. What this leads to is that the women, who have been abused by these men, lump all masculinity together. All masculine energy becomes scary. People who are abused can resort to black-and-white thinking to avoid being hurt again. This is what leads some traumatized women to viciously attack anything that remotely looks like masculinity. It's a normal trauma response. This is especially true of women who have unfortunately had repeated run-ins with abusive men. They may see the loud, proud, muscular guy in the bar with his bros and be reminded of all the guys who looked like that, who also happened to be toxic, and hurt them. It is possible to be loud, proud, and muscular and hang with your buddies at the bar while being a healthy masculine guy. A woman who has been abused may have little experience with that.

The next step is that women who have been abused rightly speak up about their struggles. They ask men to be better. They talk about how masculine behavior has hurt them. They talk about how their careers and/or motherhood have been destroyed by abusive men.

The problem starts here: men, who care about women and do believe their stories of abuse, interpret this as, "I need to look like the opposite of these abusers in every way." And that means in EVERY way. All these men know is that women say, "Masculine men have hurt me." Since it is difficult for women, and for anybody, to tell a healthy confident man from a CON man, all masculinity is vilified. Whether it's the masculinity that build bridges and hospitals and hunts for bad guys or it's the masculinity that blows things up and manipulates women, all of it is grouped together as "bad." Anybody who has survived trauma knows why the brain resorts to cutting off the desire for good things just to avoid the bad happening again. That means that the men, who want women to not be traumatized again, will get rid of the masculine traits that they have that women actually love. The masculine drive, the desire to create and build, a healthy desire towards women that makes them feel cute and loved, even having big muscles and knowing how to fight to protect your loved ones. Even things like holding doors, behaviors known as "benevolent sexism," are seen as attractive in relationships. Men may get rid of all of these traits, because they don't want anything to do with the true abusive psychopaths. This is especially true if their own father was the abusive psychopath and they saw their mother get abused regularly.

The second part of the problem: men without any masculine traits stop being attractive to women. Women who are attracted to men are attracted to some form of masculinity. This isn't always the beefhead muscle guy. Sometimes, it's the Pete Davidsons and Jesse Rutherfords, who aren't all-powerful nor 100% heteronormative. But they have a sort of social clout, creativity, and drive. Men are not all masculine in the exact same way, but men who are afraid to be masculine at all are essentially not being themselves. It is not attractive to not be the most confident version of yourself. The resulting problem is that men, who interpret real stories of women's abuse as "I need to get rid of all of my masculinity," end up getting rid of the healthy masculine traits that make them attractive too, then women no longer want to get close to them. Then this leads men thinking they did exactly what women asked, seeing that women still want a man with (healthy) masculine traits, then these men getting angry with women. It leads to the false narrative of "women only date assholes." No, women date masculine men. Assholes are just good at faking healthy masculinity as a byproduct of being masculine across the board, even though their masculinity is also abusive behind closed doors. Uncontrolled masculinity is both constructive and destructive, at random. It's chaotic and will become toxic eventually. Controlled masculinity is a superpower. Like any superhero, you have to learn how to harness it so you don't burn the town down. Don't be Hancock. Be Jocko.

So. What do I do with this information, as someone who grew up in a female environment and struggles with being healthfully masculine? I don't know exactly, but considering this post and my last one, I could use more of a backbone. I have to harness my career drive also. And not be so timid when it comes to getting physical with girls (which they clearly hate) but also be aware of boundaries and reading when a girl is uncomfortable but afraid to say so (since telling a man "no" can be literally physically dangerous for women depending on the situation). I'll work on it. Healthy masculinity is the priority for now. Build yourself and other people up. Healthy competition. Stick to the mission.

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hafanforever · 3 years

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It’s Good to Be Bad

I’ve described in previous analyses that I have a strong affinity for villains in fiction, including those by Disney. But like any fan of Disney, there are villains that I love and ones that I deeply detest with every bone in my body. So for my last analysis of the year, I will discuss my five most favorite and five least favorite Disney animated villains, though I also want to list a couple of other characters as honorable mentions to explain why I like or hate them.

The reasons I have for liking my favorite villains are simple, if not somewhat shallow, because I don’t exactly have deep reasons for liking them. Regardless of how evil, sadistic, cruel, and ruthless they are, I like them primarily because they are funny or charismatic. But it’s so much easier for me to list why I hate my least favorite villains, which is largely attributed the kinds of traits they display (most of which I cannot stand in people), their motives for being evil, and how they carry out their evil deeds while showing their evil natures.

This essay has turned into a longer one than I anticipated, so I am adding the “Keep reading” feature. Before I begin, I want to thank my dear buddy and soul sis @minervadeannabond for coming up with this title. Here is yet again another analysis of mine for you to enjoy, sis! 😁😄😉❤️

Most Favorites

Scar - Since The Lion King was the very first Disney film I ever saw in theaters as a child, and the first one I remember well from my childhood, many of my favorites Disney things come from it, including Scar being my #1 favorite Disney villain. Yes, he is a sadistic, tyrannical, narcissistic, cold-blooded murderer, but I think it is because of his cunning, smooth, elegant, charismatic nature and how pivotal he is to the story, particularly with how much he turns out to be a dark reflection of Simba, is why I love him so much. Furthermore, his song “Be Prepared” is my favorite villain song and among my favorite Disney songs of all, further showing how much The Lion King has given me Disney favorites since I was a child. 😁

Hades - Another one I remember well from my childhood, Hades is undoubtedly one of the funniest villains from the Disney animated canon. Although he is as cruel, evil, ruthless, and sadistic as any Disney villain, Hades is also so fast-talking, sleazy, sarcastic, cheeky, and hilarious that it makes it hard for me to take him seriously as a menacing villain. And while he constantly goes into fiery rages and blows his hot-headed top when furious, these help make Hades far more a comical, rather than scary, figure. Heck, when I was a kid, I always laughed, rather than got scared, whenever he unleashed one of his temper tantrums (except when he blows up at Meg with “I OWN YOU!!!”). And James Woods’s performance, especially since he ad-libbed many lines, helps make Hades such an unforgettable and memorable, if not lovable, character. So yeah, Hades’s wisecracking, talkative personality made him a memorable villain for me as a child, and I’ve loved him for it ever since. 😆😂

Ursula - Much like Hades, Ursula is sleazy, scheming, and cunning, yet wisecracking and comical at the same time. Besides her dry sense of humor, Ursula’s eccentricity, flamboyance, and elegance have always been the traits that drew me to her, and Pat Carrolll’s performance of the character is pure excellence. 😉

Maleficent - Despite being an incarnation of pure evil, including with her self-proclaimed title as The Mistress of All Evil, to me, Maleficent is by far the coolest, most badass Disney animated villain of all! 😆👍🏻 Yes, she curses Aurora with no true motive whatsoever, and she’s sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, and murderous, but her display of her ill temper and dark magic just makes her totally awesome, most especially when she zaps her minions for their stupidity and incompetence upon learning they were only looking for a baby during their 16-year search for Aurora. 😁

Ratigan - Again, Disney has an evil, murderous, sadistic villain in Ratigan, but I love him because he is very collected, calculating, sophisticated, and charismatic, not to mention Vincent Price delivers such a great vocal performance as the character. 😉 What I also love about Ratigan is the moment when he undergoes what is known as a villainous breakdown, which is when a villain snaps and goes utterly crazy. During the film, Ratigan has some moments of losing his cool, but just as quickly manages to become calm and regain his composure. However, upon seeing Basil and Olivia escape from him inside Big Ben, along with Basil having having foiled his earlier scheme to kill the queen and take over England, Ratigan finally snaps, turning from a formal, sophisticated, composed rat to a highly feral, aggressive, savage one. It is the moment when Ratigan reveals the monster within and looks like a true rat, with an aggressive expression, hunched back, elongated claws, and running on all fours. The fact that Ratigan’s breakdown juxtaposes what kind of rat he was for the majority of the film is why his villainous breakdown is my favorite of any Disney villain.

Most Hated

Gaston - I have stated this before in “Bride and Prejudice”, but I pick Gaston as my #1 choice as my least favorite Disney animated villain. And it’s not just because of his extreme vanity, egotism, chauvinism, and arrogance, which are the very traits I hate in people, but because of his inferior, sexist, misogynistic views of women. Gaston is THE walking definition of toxic masculinity, the fictional example of the worst kind of man, the epitome of what men should NEVER be! 😡😡😡 He thinks men are the superior gender and that women are inferior to men, with their only purposes being to serve men and be their sex objects. And since I am a feminist who believes in gender equality, I dislike men who have low, sexist opinions of women, and Gaston fits the profile of what I think is the worst example of such a man. I could go on and on explaining just why I loathe this monster of a man with all my heart, but you can just read the aforementioned analysis to find out more.

Lady Tremaine - If it weren’t for Gaston being my #1 pick because of his extreme sexism and misogyny, I would pick Lady Tremaine. She comes such a close second because her motivations for abusing, oppressing, and being so cruel to Cinderella are petty and stupid, ESPECIALLY because Cinderella never even did anything to deserve such treatment from her in the first place! 😠😡 Lady Tremaine hates Cinderella and is very jealous of her purely because Cinderella so much better-looking and kinder than her own daughters and herself. So they abuse her and make her their servant to make her miserable and unattractive so that they can look better than her instead. Additionally, Lady Tremaine has a deep-rooted obsession to be above Cinderella at all costs that she resorts to lying, manipulation, trickery, and cheating in order to stay above. I particularly loathe it when she manipulates her daughters into tearing up Cinderella’s dress just so that she can appear fair and keep her word regarding her side of the bargain (she says ”if you can find something suitable to wear”, and once it’s wrecked, it’s no longer suitable) while simultaneously making sure she doesn’t have to keep her promise since she never wants Cinderella to go in the first place. All that being said, do these sound like justifiable excuses for hating a completely innocent woman? I DON’T THINK SO!!! 😡😡😡

Claude Frollo - Now if weren’t for BOTH Gaston and Lady Tremaine coming first, Claude Frollo would come on top as well! 😡😡😡 Frollo is without a doubt in my mind the most evil villain in the Disney animated canon. Unlike most Disney villains, he is COMPLETELY devoid of any likable or redeemable traits, making me have nothing but feelings of pure hatred for him. Ruthless, cruel, blasphemous, racist, and evil to his core, Frollo holds a deep-seated hatred for the gypsies and seeks to eradicate them from Paris, making him not only murderous, but genocidal, especially since he seeks to kill them simply out of his own racism, supremacy, and superiority. Throughout the years in his quest to eliminate the gypsies, Frollo murders Quasimodo’s mother by violently kicking her, causing her to fall and hit her head on the stone steps of Notre Dame, then tries to burn Esmeralda at the stake, declaring that she must be killed because she has been practicing witchcraft. After killing the mother, Frollo even attempts to drown baby Quasimodo simply because of his deformity. What makes Frollo even more evil besides doing his deeds is that he is a judge with control over the city, yet he proves himself to be corrupt and hypocritical by violating the laws to accomplish his dark, sinister deeds. Perhaps what makes Frollo the most evil villain of all is that he is in complete denial about how evil he really is. He has a delusional belief that he is a good, religious man doing God’s work by trying to purge the world of evil, when all he really does is twist his “faith” and hypocritically use it for his own evil purposes. What’s worse is that Frollo never once takes an ounce of responsibility for his crimes; he makes excuses to justify his actions, painting himself as guiltless and his victims as the only ones at fault. So with Frollo being such a blasphemous, hypocritical, racist, genocidal, murderous, corrupt judge who never believes he is doing anything wrong and always lays blame on the victims of his misdeeds, I can’t say there is a single thing about him that I like, and I’m happy he met his death in a fiery blaze! 😡🔥

Mother Gothel - A character I see as being an amalgam of Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, the reasons why I hate all three of these villains are also found in Gothel: vanity, narcissism, oppression, mental abuse, trickery, manipulation, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and flat-out cruelty. First of all, Gothel’s vanity, narcissism, and obsession with her own beauty makes her extremely insufferable and annoying, not to mention the fact that she hoarded the flower to herself for hundreds of years just to stay alive shows how incredibly selfish and possessive she is. And due to her selfishness, she kidnaps Rapunzel, hides her in a tower, lies to her about the outside world, and continually mentally abuses, manipulates, oppresses, mocks, and belittles her just to ensure that Rapunzel will never leave the tower and the flower’s magic in her hair will keep her (Gothel) alive and young forever. On par with her narcissism, Gothel is shown to be a very spoiled, childish, immature woman who seeks to always have things her way and throws tantrums or other emotional outbursts when she doesn’t get her way or what she wants, especially the very moment she wants it. Furthermore, Gothel possesses a martyr, or victim, complex, which is shown perfectly when victimizes herself and places all the blame on Rapunzel whenever any sort of conflict befalls their lives and relationship, especially when they argue. So with all these flaws in mind, like Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, I can’t find any good reason to like Gothel at all. “Mother Knows Best”? More like “Gothel Knows Worst”! 😠😡

Governor Ratcliffe - I said above that I hate Gaston because of his bigoted, low views of women, and prejudice is the main reason why I hate Governor Ratcliffe. However, his prejudice is in the form of racism, the kind of bigotry that I hate the most. Ratcliffe displays this attitude towards the Native Americans, considering them savages and seeing himself as better than them all because of his race, which makes him a white supremacist. Besides his supremacy and superiority regarding his race, Ratcliffe is intensely greedy and selfish since he wants to keep any riches found for himself and believes that the Virginia land and anything he finds on it is his for the taking. In relation to his bigotry, he is also quite delusional and self-righteous, which makes him believe that any theory he has is right and he refuses to believe otherwise or listen to reason. For example, Ratcliffe dismisses Wiggins’ correct assumptions on why the Indians attacked the settlers and John’s claim that there is no gold in the lands after Pocahontas tells him this. The hatred I hold for Ratcliffe is significantly less than the other four listed here, but the reasons I gave are virtually like those I gave for Frollo, so I’m confident with Ratcliffe and his place on my list.

Bonus Mentions

Hans - Hans is a villain that I place in the middle between my most loved and most hated villains, because I love him for WHAT he is as a villain while I simultaneously hate him for WHO he is as a character. I have said it to friends and some of my other analyses before, but one of the reasons why I love Frozen is because it took many of the traditional fairy tale elements and tropes used in their preceding films, and turned them upside down. So rather than having another prince as the heroic male lead in this film, Frozen twisted that trope around by making him the villain instead. And when Hans finally reveals his true nature, you realize that he has fooled not only Anna and the other characters who interacted with him, but first-time viewers as well! So while I love Hans for being a villain who keeps his true nature under wraps for the majority of the film and almost gets away with his crimes because of it, I also hate him because of how cold, cruel, callous, ruthless, and sadistic he really is. When he reveals his true nature and explains his plan to Anna, he mocks her intelligence, naïveté, and desperation for love while explaining just how easy it was for him to deceive and manipulate her into being a pawn in his plan to take over Arendelle. Throughout the whole scene, Hans smiles wickedly and sadistically, clearly showing the delight he is getting from tormenting Anna and watching her suffer while he explains his scheme and extinguishes all light sources to accelerate her death. It’s also easy to see his sadism when he announces his plan to murder Elsa, and that he will get even greater joy out of carrying out the act itself (which we see when Hans smiles widely while swinging his sword over Elsa’s head as he tries to kill her on the fjord).

Chi-Fu - While he is not a true villain, and not even evil at all, Chi-Fu is a very detestable character, one whose guts I hate completely because he has the same traits that make me hate Gaston: arrogance, conceit, egotism, bigotry, superiority, and misogyny. Prejudice against women is a main theme in Mulan, and Chi-Fu is the one man whose prejudiced opinions never change. While Shang and Mulan’s fellow soldiers initially hold views that women are beneath men, they learn to change them after Mulan proves herself a capable warrior in the army (even after her disguise is revealed), most especially when she helps save China from Shan Yu’s reign of terror. Despite the majority of his bigotry being aimed at women, Chi-Fu is also detestable because he shows it towards nearly everyone else, except the Emperor. As the second-in-command to the Emperor, Chi-Fu sees himself superior to almost everyone else around him, which enhances his pompous, elitist, arrogant attitude. Because of all these antagonistic traits, I loathe Chi-Fu while I don’t hate Shan Yu at all, even though the latter is truly pure evil and genocidal! 😠😡 It just goes to show that some people who are neither necessarily good nor bad can be even more contemptible that the most malevolent, murderous people.

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be-ca-lm · 4 years

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yall can ignore this i’m just working through more religious trauma shit and i have a stupid hypothesis no wait fuck that, a BRILLIANT hypothesis about child development and damaging religious abuse’s effect on psychosocial development, lol enjoy <3 <3 <3

1. Trust vs. Mistrust

Typically an infant needing to know that their needs are being met. Crying results in food, comfort, sleep, touch, etc. Infants viewed as pure and innocent but not in a religious framework, they are not “blank slates” but inherently sinful. Does this impact how caretakers respond to infant’s needs? Is it wrong to need? Is there punishment for crying too much, needing too much, etc?

2. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Toddlers! So much exploration. Can I do this on my own? Will I be punished for learning about the world around me? Is this when the concept of sin is introduced to children typically, then naughtiness, mischief, etc. seen as bad and sinful. Toddlers don’t understand danger, so when scolded for walking near a hot stove they cry because it is scary and confusing to be scolded, not because they consciously chose to disobey a warning about the complexities of heating mechanisms. A toddler brought up in fear and shame is compliant, but scared. Obedience valued over independence stunts autonomous development and instills the shame complex (I am a sinner, I need correction/saving) from a young age. Literally this lays the foundation for continued if not lifelong indoctrination.

3. Initiative vs. Guilt

Preschoolers continue exploring their world through hands-on interaction. More shaming occurs at this stage, and confusion between an action being bad and the individual being bad occurs. Deceptive behaviors present at this age, the way those are responded to by caretakers is crucial. Corporal punishment encouraged in religious circles. Timid, shy children are not seen as problem children, but the more precocious ones may be labeled “willful” “obstinate” or “rebellious” at this stage.

4. Industry vs. Inferiority

School-aged children introduced to concepts of hell, moral failures, and omniscience and omnipresence of authoritarian god figure. Major faith decisions often made at this age, and a desire to emulate the behaviors and actions of those around the child. This results in positive reinforcement from peers and adults (industry), statement of faith, baptism, children’s choir, etc. Heightened interest in matters of belief as concrete reasoning is surpassed and more abstract thought occurs. Nightmares of hell common, exposure to themes in biblical texts that are disturbing or not able to understand fully (rape, incest, murder, miracles, hell, sex, prostitution, torture, devil, violent deaths, war, genocide, famine, slavery, human sacrifice, etc.)

5. Identity vs. Role Confusion

Teens experience puberty, test their sense of self, try on personalities and styles, push boundaries, self-discovery, etc. Purity culture stressed at this age, shaping ideas of sexuality and what is and is not healthy relationships and sexuality. There is a social separation of spiritually “mature” peer leaders and “immature” or “lukewarm” kids seen as trouble-makers. Immense pressure to “live out” faith, including the pressure to witness to their non-believing peers. Social hierarchy dynamics play out in bible study and youth groups. Highly emotionally manipulative events usually occur for these ages like lock-ins (sleep deprivation), overnight retreats (bonding/emotional worship), mission trips (serving others, sense of greater purpose, exposure to ways of life which serves to solidify theirs as the “right way”), summer camp (more emotional manipulation, “mountain top experiences,” contrived feelings of closeness to god, typically exhausting physical activities and nighttime spiritual activities). Older teens pressured to make a decision that separates them from their parent’s faith, meaning taking ownership of what they believe and committing to it as their own personal choice and not being influenced by others - still they are very highly influenced.

6. Intimacy vs. Isolation

Young adults typically under immense unspoken pressure to get married and begin families while young. This is enforced socially and culturally and not explicitly. The pressure cooker of the spouse hunt, churches cater to young unmarried adults through “singles ministry” and departments dedicated to mentoring and guiding young couples toward marriages that reflect biblical gender roles and standards. If a young adult is single for too long, the community for them slowly disappears as others marry and no longer participate, leaving very little social support or attention focused on those who are single. Adults in this stage tend to move closer to or farther from a very fervent group that matches their background. Some let off the gas a little and explore newfound adult freedom, others buckle down and become involved with a group or church at a high level of commitment and activity. Young marriages at this stage are always praised but many result in divorce. Sexual issues are common especially in women who are now married but have little to no positive interaction with sexuality and in some cases with their own bodies. Young marriages face issues with unsteady finances, sexual expectations and performance, having children very quickly while still establishing identities, and struggling to enact biblical gender roles in a modern world where that is mostly impractical - this causes confusion, dissonance, and clashing.

7. Generativity vs. Stagnation

Adult parents now choose the level of family church involvement, attendance, and commitment that they have. Spiritual leadership and religious instruction is encouraged to occur within the home, though this is practiced differently across many families and denominations. Choice point for many couples of divorcing finally or just staying together at this point (sunk cost fallacy). Marital infidelity occurs most frequently at this stage. The involvement of church leadership in family issues may increase. Those who “stagnate” in faith may become apathetic to the activities of their youth and drift away from formal church attendance. Stereotypical midlife crises occur for some men.

8. Integrity vs. Despair

For older adults with grown families, there can be much satisfaction gained from mentoring younger people through the church setting. This sense of giving back and social connection is incredibly healthy for the elderly and aging. Even if a person is no longer as fervent now as in their youth, they may continue to participate out of sheer habit and need for community. As individuals retire from the workforce, church communities may provide the only social outlet they have. Highly religious persons less likely to struggle with despairing of life, health, mobility, etc at this stage. Integrity also derived from church teachings which instructs to respect the elderly and care for them, paving the way for meaningful connections that endure til end of life. Adults at this stage will have either dealt with issues resulting from religious trauma or they will be unresolved til death. Adults with insurmountable religious trauma will have left the church or belief system by this point and either despair without it or find integrity in other life areas and ways.

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doodle-empress66 · 3 years

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Hazbin Hotel: Perma Frost Full Bio

General

“It’s BULLSHIT that I’m down here! Stuck in this ugly ass form! I did the shit I did to SURVIVE! No one has ever watched out for me! So I watched out for myself the best way I knew how!”

- Perma Frost to Charlie

Full/True name: Petra

Nickname(s) or Alias:

Perma Frost, Perma

Perm

The Killer Frost Demon

Kid (By Husk)

Ice Queen (By Angel)

Little Girlie (Niffty)

Young Miss (By Alastor)

Bruja de hielo (By Vaggie)

Gender: Female

Species: Human (formerly), Ice Demon

Age: 14

Birthday: Jan 6th

Sexuality: Autochorisexual-Aegoromantic

Nationality: Icelandic

City or town of birth: Vik, Iceland

Currently lives: The Outskirts of Pentagram City

Native language: Icelandic

Relationship Status: Single

Appearance

Height: 5'5

Figure/build: Slender, somewhat curvy build, with long, dark blue icicle-like fingers. Powder blue skin

Hair color: Light Blue (Normally), Transparent light blue (when angered or frightened)

Hairstyle: Long and unruly

Eye color: A glowing icy blue hue that shifts

Tattoos: A snowflake on her back

Preferred style of clothing: ALWAYS wearing a large hooded jacket/coat that covers the entire top half of her body. Large black snow boats. And navy blue tights

General Past life

Human Name: Petra (She renounced her last name)

Birthday: 6th Jan 2005

Age of Death: 14

Cause of Death: Froze to death/Blood loss

Death day: 23 Aug 2019

Personality

Perma is an intense, cautious, volatile, and resentful teenager. She’ll do whatever it takes just to make it through the day regardless of who she has to harm or fight. She loathes adults and doesn’t trust them or their judgement, and always believes they're going to hurt her. Nor does she like being told what to do. So she often gets into a lot of fights with older demons, Perma will at times rush head first into a fight without thinking things through due to being blinded by her violent nature and past trauma. She has little to no friends or acquaintances because of the sheer brute force of her powers, somewhat lack of control and unwillingness to listen to people. Despite being unapproachable most of the time, deep down Perma wants a kind soul to turn to for love and guidance. But, pushes away this feeling due to the bad hand life and death has handed her.

History

Born in Vik, Iceland in 2005, since she could walk; Petra knew nothing but misery and neglect. Abused and mistreated by her egg and sperm donor, growing up in a strange cult certainly didn't help little Petra. Forced to deal with going hungry and cold from the old shredded clothes she was forced to wear. As well as participating in her mother's questionable practices. Her family often took part in the ancient art of Icelandic witchcraft. Writing questionable symbols everywhere in the blood of animals they caught. Reading from old books with disturbing otherworldly images. Even carving up their own bodies as a sign of devotion to some strange dark entity. Petra didn't understand these events but knew only bad things could come from it.

Life didn’t get much better for the young Icelandic when she was set up to be a sacrifice in one of the cult's shamanic ceremonies, she managed to slip away and ran until she arrived at an old rundown village. Only 9 years old at the time. From there, the next 4 years were awful. Petra had to survive on scraps she found in the trash or steal food and clothing from unsuspecting villagers. Years on the street, being treated like dirt from those around her, a child no one wanted around, caused Petra to grow hateful to world and the vile people who inhabited it. No one had any concern for her. No one cared about her. Her life meant nothing to ANYBODY. So after that, the lives of others didn’t mean a damn thing to her.

At 11, Petra committed her first murder. She was low on scraps and slowly starving. Following a frail elderly woman with a bag full of food, Petra took out an ice pick she had swiped from some workers and drove it into the back of the woman’s head.

Soon after, the dreaded streets Petra wandered were now becoming littered with the bodies of the people she stole from. Little did she realize, these malicious acts were changing in ways that were beyond human understanding. Something malevolent and cold started growing inside her body. Warping her soul.

Two years, this continued...until Petra chose the wrong target. A lanky young man, who looked a few years older than her, was smoking in an alley. Driven by survival, bloodlust and greed to what type of goods the man had on his person, Petra struck with her signature ice pick. Too bad, the man wasn’t unarmed. Nor was he alone. That’s all she remembered from that specific day. And how she wished she just kept walking.

The man was part of a group of sex traffickers looking around for young girls and women to add to their market. And 14 year old Petra was added to that collection.

The following year was a new level of Hell for the young girl. Beaten, abused, used in the most vile of ways by these men and others. Petra resisted at each turn but the suffering increased more and more. Then the vile concoction, meth they called it, they forced her to take each day. Told her that it would make her more “enjoyable company”. Some days and nights blurred into each other. This...drug made her forget the pain, the misery, the horrid existence she was subjected to. But reality came back full throttle to punch her in the face once it wore off. It made Petra feel disgusting and free at the same time. Just like the girls around her, empty shells with blissful smiles on their faces.

She was right at the edge of just ending it, but the stubborn part of her refuse to give her tormentors the satisfaction. One night, while she was getting prepared for a client, Petra managed to break away and shank one of the guards with an icicle she snatched from outside of a window. That kill was easy, but the second guard managed to let out a shout before Petra rammed the spike into his eye.

Petra rushed out into the winter forest, away from the building she was held captive. Wearing nothing but a pair of booty shorts and a flimsy tank top and armed with a bloody icicle. The traffickers hot on her trail with guns and rope. Each day of hiding, running, and avoiding bullets was made worse with trying to fight the freezing cold. One bullet managed to pierce her side. On that night, Petra finally found a small cave to duck into, her feet and hands black and swollen. She was practically a light blue.

Using the last of her strength to make a small, pitiful fire, Petra packed her bullet wound with snow as a sad attempt to stop the bleeding. She leaned against the cave wall and closed her eyes. Thinking back to all the events that transpired that lead her to this. The memories slowly getting darker and darker...

She woke up abruptly from crashing down onto the ground. The teen shot up, disoriented and looked around. Her eyes fell onto a large sign reading, “Welcome to Hell.”

Sins committed to get into hell: Theft, Murder, Assault, Manslaughter, Prostitution (Not her choice)

Any regrets in what they have done: No...depends

Likes:

Doing whatever she wants

Warm food

Parkour

Heavy metal music

Necessary Violence

Beating up adults

Animals

Children

Being left alone

Dislikes:

Adults

Being touched

Limited freedom

Being told what to do

Guns

Silence

Drugs

Anything sex related

Short clothing

Frozen Food

Fears/phobias:

Men touching her/being near her

Being tied up

The sight of her own blood

Dark rooms

Cults

Sexual acts of any kind

Being drugged

Favorite color:

White

Hobbies:

Ice/snow surfing

Brawling/Street Fighting

Reading scary stories

Parkouring

Stealing

Talents/skills:

Great at the drums

Ice skating (lol)

Parkouring

Intimidation

Fighting

Very Observant/ Quick Learner

Favorite food(s):

Skyr (Yougurt)

Harðfiskur (dried fish)

Reykjavik's Hot Dog

Favorite drink(s):

Slushies

Pineapple Soda

Hot Chocolate

Significant/special belongings:

Her icepick

Spiked choker

Combat

Fighting skills/techniques:

Very good street fighter/brawler

Excellent stabbing and hacking skills

Weapon of choice (if any):

Ice Pick

Unique Abilities:

Cold Magic- is able to perform a form of magic that allows them to utilize cold, either magically manipulating it

Cryokinesis- can create, shape, move, control, interact and manipulate ice.

Cold manipulation- can create, shape and manipulate cold by reducing the kinetic energy of atoms and thus making things colder

Atmospheric Freezing- an freeze the air/atmosphere itself regardless of air quality, abundant and trace gases, air temperature, etc., allowing her to either convert that air/atmosphere directly to ice or simply super chill it.

Absolute Freezing- can freeze anything, from tangible targets to intangible energy such as fire, or concepts such as time, even a person's mind.

Cold Embodiment- acts as the personification or manifestation of cold in their reality and has limitless control over coldness and can use coldness in different ways.

Cold Breath- able to generate and manipulate cold energy within her in a way that allows her to shape the exhaling of the effect.

Cold Presence- has the ability to project a field that lowers the temperature around her, creating a constant chill.

Cold Weaponry- create or wield weaponry with power over cold, which grants Perma a wide variety of cold-based abilities, including slowing down molecules, freezing a target solid, and limiting healing.

Cryo-Phasing- combines intangibility and ice powers to freeze the objects she passes through.

Cryogenic Bodily Fluids- possesses freezing cold bodily fluids (blood, sweat, saliva, etc.

Cryokinetic Creature Creation- is able to create beings of ice or shape existing ice into wanted shapes and purposes. She can grant the beings varying levels of independence (controlled, automatons/programmed, semi-independent) and existence (momentary to permanent) and delete the creature once she is done with them.

Cryokinetic Claws- can project and retract razor-sharp claws of ice from her fingertips for offensive purposes.

Cryokinetic Combat- able to utilize ice manipulation with her physical combat, allowing her to both create tools and weapons for attack and manipulate the environment for her advantage

Cryokinetic Cloning- can create clones of herself, others and/or objects by using ice.

Cryokinetic Surfing- controls the ice in a way that increases her ability to move and/or maneuver either by granting her abilities she otherwise lack or allowing them to ignore normally needed equipment.

Cryokinetic Regeneration- can use ice to regenerate her bodies with the amount of ice used defining the speed of healing.

Demonic Ice Manipulation- One of her most powerful attacks. She can generate and manipulate mystical demonic ice, which cannot be melted by mortal means, drawn straight from the darkest fears sentient minds have about winter, ice and arctic areas, including the fears of treacherous ice breaking, burying/devouring, damaging or tripping the victim in malicious awareness.

Demonic Ice Breath - able to generate and manipulate demonic ice within her in a way that allows her to shape the exhaling of the effect. These shapes can include bursts, streams, spheres, even a mist of it from the mouth.

Dark Ice Manipulation - More powerful attack. She can create, shape and manipulate the ice of a darker, detrimental nature; that which damages, destroys, and consumes anything/everything she comes across, representing the hazardous destructive side of ice, which in turn ignores most of the limitations and weaknesses of the normal ice. In essence, this is about solely controlling the negative dark powers of ice.

Frostbite- can freeze up any part of an enemy's body where she can turn the tissues and flesh into solid ice making the victim shatter into pieces due to freeze drying, or cause a swelling making it hard to move for the victim.

Frozen Surface- can cause surfaces (often floor) to emit ice/cold, causing ice/cold-damage on anything in contact with her or the ice.

Hail Generation- can generate and project hail.

Ice Aura- can release and surround herself in/with ice/cold for defensive and/or offensive purposes, possibly becoming almost untouchable and granting her various abilities/attacks.

Ice Vortex Creation - can generate spirals/vortices composed of ice. The vortex can be projected as a long ranged attack or as a tornado of ice for both offensive and/or defensive purposes.

Omnidirectional Ice Waves- can release massive amounts of ice in every direction at once for almost unlimited scales. This power allows Perma to dispatch many foes at once and destroy large areas like cities/villages.

Snow Ball Projection- able to launch spheres of snow at targets with varying degrees of force.

Snow Solidification- can solidify or give solid-like properties to snow-based substances with the level of solidity going from loose jelly to metal-like hardness or beyond. Alternatively, Perma can also harden snow to make it denser and harder to break.

Un-melt able Ice- can generate and project snow/ice that is extremely difficult to or cannot by melted by normal means, such as extreme heat or fire.

Weaknesses in combat:

Intense heat/fire

No control when pushed too far

Turns to solid ice when she goes overboard

Due to her constant chill, she can’t sneak up on people

Strengths in combat:

Wide and short range attacks

Nearly indestructible ice walls

Hidden demon form

Wild unpredictable street fighting style

Can create ice creatures, structures, and weapons

Relationships

Past life Relationships

Parents: Unknown

Siblings: None

Other Important Relatives: None

Children: None

Best Friend: None yet

Other Important Friends: None yet

Acquaintances: None yet

Pets: None but wants one

Enemies:

Anyone who tries to mess with her.

Alastor (Frenemy-ish)

Hazbin Relationships:

Charlie- Put off by her eagerness and determination to redeem sinners. Didn’t trust her at first and kept her distance. Slowly warmed up to Charlie’s kindness and learned to trust her and others.

Vaggie- Disliked her attitude, and authority. Would tick her off with snide comments and constantly freezing her and/or Charlie. Started to bond over their dislike of Alastor and men a bit. Told Vaggie of her life and hardships, now have a big sis/little sis connection.

Angel Dust- Because of his sexual nature, she was terrified of Angel and avoided him. Even freezing him solid a few times out of fear/self-defense. Calm down a little once, she learned that he’s gay. The two became close once Angel shared his own stories of abuse. Also adores Fat Nuggets.

Alastor- Instantly loathes Alastor due to his disregard for personal space and creeper smile. Sees him as a closet pervert and often talks trash about his radio broadcasts and calls him an "a limp dick old man". Perma was unaware of Alastor's reputation, but sees him as a sicko who likes to inflate his own ego and harrass those he sees as beneath him. One of the few demons who doesn't fear Alastor, but that's due to her own ignorance and inexperience. Often tries to start fights with him by crude derogatory comments. Or freezing him.

Husker- Didn't think much of Husk at first, but liked the fact the he's a cat. The two barely interacted until she sang to herself in German and Husk responded back. They slowly began to converse with each other more and more. Husk actually listening to her woes and offering some advice. Vice versa. Due to Husk keeping to himself and respecting boundaries, Perma respects and listens to Husk more than anyone. Calms down whenever he's around. The two soon form a father/daughter like relationship.

Niffty- Was put off by Niffty's persnickety and energetic persona. Also irritated her by the frost she leaves behind. But they grow to tolerate each other over time.

Trivia

Sin - Wrath

Can speak 5 languages: Icelandic, German, Polish, English, and Dutch. This is due to the men she came in contact with during her time on the streets and while trafficked

The spiked choker she wears was a gift from one of the older trafficked girls. It was the first time she was given ANYTHING nice.

Speaks with a thick Icelandic accent

Her lips are dark blue from her cold

Given her sexual abuse, Perma doesn’t just hate sex, she’s TERRIFIED of it.

Perma keeps to herself and talks to no one unless confronted.

She knows nothing about the Overlords or power scale.

She keeps her distance from friendly people. To her, everyone is out to get something.

Perma loves heavy metal, it helps her release the pain and fury she feels

With enough patience and practice, Perma could fight on par with an overlord

She likes animals, they never harm you

She eats warm food, to feel ‘alive’.

One negative act towards her, no matter how small, can set her off

#hazbin oc #hazbin hotel oc #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #perma frost #my oc #bio page

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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“We Have Just Never Listened to Women”: Patrick Ness on Chaos Walking’s Relevance Today

https://ift.tt/3sLzUTC

Patrick Ness’ 2008 science fiction young adult novel The Knife of Never Letting Go was published the same year as Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, but while the latter launched a dystopian YA franchise, Ness’ Chaos Walking series seemed to attract more of a cult following despite tackling similar early-2000s issues through a speculative lens. While Collins struck an arrow through the heart of reality television, Ness turned his attention to information overload, manifesting it as the Noise: an ever-present broadcast of one’s most private, cringeworthy, hateful, earnest thoughts for all to hear—but only for men.

On the “New World,” an alien planet only recently colonized by humans, the all-male settlement of Prentisstown has ascribed varyingly demanding interpretations of masculinity and morality to their members’ handling of the Noise. Todd Hewitt, the community’s sole boy, must come of age when he faces something even more chaotic than his Noise: the first girl he’s ever seen, a silent space traveler named Viola.

Over a decade later, the book’s dual commentary on information overload and toxic masculinity remains relevant. In fact, as Ness told Den of Geek, the intervening 13 years have only provided more dire inspiration for adapting his novel to the big screen. Doug Liman’s adaptation of Chaos Walking, starring Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley, finally arrives in the UK (it hit the US last month) after a perfect storm of delays, from scheduling around two of the biggest franchise stars to dealing with COVID-19 setbacks. The film conjures a similar lo-fi dystopian setting as Gary Ross’ The Hunger Games film while transforming the book’s free-associating monologue into an ever-present visual and aural halo—not unlike the information overload depicted in more tech-y futuristic tales.

In addition to the forceful depiction of the Noise, Ness spoke with Den of Geek about the book dog’s Noise that didn’t make the final cut, the Western homages behind Mads Mikkelsen’s villainous Mayor Prentiss, and what happens when men don’t listen to women.

DEN OF GEEK: When you first wrote The Knife of Never Letting Go, it was a response to information overload circa 2007. What was it like revisiting the story to adapt it over a decade later?

PATRICK NESS: Gosh, just that the world has gotten so much noisier—that there’s just so much more information coming at us. If the original idea was about questioning how much of ourselves we feel obliged to share and give to the world, that question has only become—not more serious, but we now do it so automatically that I just want to be sure that we keep asking that question: What are we losing, and how much of ourselves do we need to keep our sense of identity? The other big thing that’s happened in the last 13 years is that we’ve all gotten so used to sharing on social media—we’ve gotten so used to what it does, that it’s such a fabric of our lives—that people have now recognized, “I can abuse this. I can use this to tell lies; I can use this to make fake enemies; I can use this to manipulate elections”—for example. The genie isn’t gonna go back into the bottle, and I’m not some doomsayer saying we need to go back to phones and blah blah blah. We need to not forget that we have a choice of what to share and that there are—for all the good things the Internet brings us, which it does—we should not and must not ignore the darker parts of it, because there are very dark parts of it.

That darkness is especially apparent in the culture of Prentisstown and their need to control the Noise. In adapting, did you find yourself approaching Prentisstown differently than when you wrote the book?

Books

Top New Fantasy Books in April 2021

By Megan Crouse

Lots and lots of special effects tests and approaches, some really cool technology. There was a Noise unit on the film, so Tom would stand in the middle of a circle of cameras capturing him from 360 degrees, linking it up. Then the final results are a combination of all those things: technology, some artwork, some animation. My favorite little bit of it is a scene where Daisy Ridley’s walking up a hill and Tom Holland is behind her, and he’s kinda grumpy about her, and he’s complaining, and you see the complaints kinda just fly off the back of his head. That, to me, is what Noise would be.

Was there anything cut from the book, or an early version of the screenplay, that you would have loved to have seen?

One of my favorite characters in the book is called Wilf; and he does play an important part later in the trilogy, as well. But it’s a 500-page book, and at most a movie is a long short story, so you do have to make sacrifices. But what you get in exchange is, there’s a scene in the film where Tom and Daisy are under a little tarp in the rain, and something very funny happens. And that’s not in the book, but what you get in exchange is something like that, a little scene that expresses a ton that you can do visually, because [that scene] wouldn’t work in a book. I don’t mind; you give and you get. I’ve always viewed adaptations, even when it’s not my own work, as a remix. It’s not a cover version, it’s not an exact replica, it’s a remix. If I can start with that premise, then I can feel more creative.

Was there ever a version in which Todd’s dog Manchee has the Noise, like in the book?

Yes! But what you find out very quickly is that it’s all kind of about real estate. The animal Noise is very funny in the book, to me—it always made me laugh—and in a massive novel of 110,000 words, that real estate in the book doesn’t take up much. A movie is much more compressed, so every time an animal spoke, it just took up so much room in the movie. And it is funny, because it’s meant to be, but it kind of unbalanced the story, and it totally took away from what really needed to happen. Read the book, is what I would say, because I still love the idea, it still makes me laugh; but in a movie, it becomes too cartoon-y. We’re not making The Incredible Journey, as wonderful as it is! So you have to make some sacrifices.

The movie ends differently from the book, which is more of a clear cliffhanger setting up book 2, The Ask and the Answer; whereas the movie is left open-ended for sequels, but on a less dire note. What influenced this decision?

Doug Liman is an exploratory filmmaker; it’s a different approach than any director I’ve ever met. He’s really very much about what’s happening on set, what feels the right energy, where are we going—which is why there’s additional photography in all of his films. That’s always planned, it’s always in advance; we always knew that was going to happen, we just had to schedule the two biggest franchise stars in the world. But because of that, the story tends to organically develop. So we thought, Where are these two going in particular now that we have these actors, we have this situation, and it just starts to slightly change.

And I don’t mind that—again, in the remix idea—but what it interestingly has done is that it’s become more pandemic-themed, unintentionally, in that here are all these people who have been presented with a situation completely beyond their control, so how do they adapt? And there is a hopeful feeling at the end of this film, one I think is true, because they’ve really earned it, but also it’s like what we’ve done—we’re talking via Zoom, we’ve adjusted. It’s not perfect, and we’re all waiting for a better world, but we’re also probably not gonna go back to the old world, exactly. We’ve found a way, and that is kinda the whole point of the story, which is, here is the very worst example of people who didn’t find a way, as we move forward to people who do. To me, the ending makes emotional sense.

Are there plans to adapt one or both of the book sequels?

They’re optioned, they’re ready, but with a new series it’s all about if an audience wants it.

How did your experience adapting the screenplay for A Monster Calls influence your work on Chaos Walking?

Very different filmmakers, which is interesting because I always tell people writing novels that there’s no one way to do it—as long as you end up with a novel, you’ve done it right, so find out what works for you. So, a very different experience as a writer, but interesting in their own ways.

Books

Top New Science Fiction Books in April 2021

By Megan Crouse

The great thing about [A Monster Calls director] J.A. Bayona is a real lack of ego about ideas; an idea is good or it’s bad, it doesn’t matter who or where it came from. He’s very clear on that, he’s very sincere about that, and that really frees you up creatively. And so I really try to bring that to anything I collaborate on now; I try to never ever be any kind of snob about my ideas or anybody else’s—it’s just what’s better, what works; an idea is good or bad on its own, not because it came from somebody powerful. I think it makes everybody feel more comfortable; we’re all in it together, trying to make something interesting.

What was it about Daisy, Tom, Mads, et al, that made you feel that they were right for the roles in Chaos Walking? Mads in particular has such a striking look as Mayor Prentiss, with the cowboy hat, jumpsuit, and fabulous fur coat.

That coat is actually a tribute to McCabe & Mrs. Miller, a Warren Beatty Western from Robert Atlman. It’s interesting that they’re all European! We didn’t go out hunting for necessarily European, but also Cynthia [Erivo] is European, and David’s European. Nick [Jonas] is not… [laughs] But there is a sensibility that feels approachable to Tom and Daisy, that I think is their little movie-star magic, that they are not forbidding. Forbidding movie stars can be amazing! But they seem like somebody that you could meet, and talk to; and for a younger-centered film, that is vital, to feel like these could be my friends, and I care about them and am worried about what happens to them. That is what they bring so beautifully to the movie. And Mads has that magnificent face—he’s got such a great acting face, especially for a villain—and his manner, the sort of Scandinavian understatements, I love it.

Especially for a villain who’s trying to hide his thoughts—there’s so much still that comes through on his face.

A villain who thinks he’s right! He doesn’t think he’s a villain—and that’s the scariest kind of all.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Chaos Walking is available for premium rental at home on all digital platforms from 2nd April.

The post “We Have Just Never Listened to Women”: Patrick Ness on Chaos Walking’s Relevance Today appeared first on Den of Geek.

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gra-sonas · 4 years

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RosweII, New Mexico star LiIy CowIes on lsobeI's self-empowerment and fangirling over Jason Behr

The actress takes us inside her character's heartbreaking grief and trauma on the CW extraterrestrial drama.

For a town inhabited by aliens, a whole bunch of very human, very real — and heartbreaking! — drama sure does go down in Roswell, New Mexico.

On Monday's episode of the CW series, we journeyed back in time to the scene of the 1947 saucer crash that brought Max (Nathan Dean Parsons), Isobel (Lily Cowles), and Michael (Michael Vlamis) to the New Mexico small town, and we got our first glimpse of Jason Behr (who played Max on the original Roswell series) as a zealous army officer intent on capturing the recently landed extraterrestrials. While we learned more about Michael's mother's arrival on Earth and the turbulent hours that followed, back in the present Isobel was having a rough time of it herself, having chosen to attempt to end her pregnancy alone and confront her grief over the loss of her brother and basically the whole life she'd known with Noah for so many years.

We caught up with Cowles about the emotional scenes with Parsons, the bold decision to bring an abortion story line to the forefront of the episode, and bumping into her teenage crush at craft services.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Isobel is obviously carrying a lot of grief and pain this season from the loss and violations she suffered last season. How did you approach the character coming into this second season?

LILY COWLES: Halfway through the hiatus, Carina [Adly MacKenzie, series creator] and I started talking about what Isobel had been through, where she was coming from, and what we could expect to see moving forward. I was really hoping when it started, we'd be six months down the line, but no — of course that doesn't make for good television, nor does it do justice to character. So we very quickly realized we were going to be heading right back into the moment straight after. I was like, "Ooh, boy." I got a lot to take on: losing her brother, her other half, the twin that she'd had since birth, and of course having to digest the fact that her entire life had been a sham. Her marriage was a lie, to a man who had been physically and emotionally using and abusing her without her knowing about it. She'd been married to this sort of psychopath, serial killer who used her body to commit murders. How do you even begin to digest it? We talked about how Isobel was a character who had built a tremendous facade, and she was living this perfect life that looked really good on paper. It was a very carefully constructed house of cards, but it was a prison because it was all based in lies. Carina and I were looking at it and thought, "Well, the one thing that can be said is that that house of cards now has been destroyed. It's been razed to the ground." So she actually, strangely, has been given an opportunity to start again. In many ways, we were both excited to see: Who is Isobel outside of the confines of how she's defined herself? It's so painful and scary, and yet it gives her a fresh start to say, "Who am I, deep down inside?" I think that's something that everyone can relate to on some level, finding your authentic self.

It seem like a big part of Isobel's journey this season is going to be finding her own autonomy, making her own decisions, and not relying on anyone else to look after her. Can you talk about her decision to abort the baby in this episode and how that plays into her overall story arc?

Isobel is, of course, a special case because she's an alien. Her story line is largely metaphorical for a lot of people, but it's nonetheless a story that so many women can relate to: We have these bodies that other people want to control, and we have a lot of restrictions placed on our own reproductive health. It's crazy that it's still such a huge issue that women have to battle so much to be able to have autonomy over their own systems. Isobel finds herself in a position where she learns that she's pregnant and there are a lot of things at play here. One of the biggest ones is, of course, that the man who fathered this child was not who she thought he was. So there's a question of consent. It's tricky because all of these things are so shades of gray. She learns after the fact that this man had been lying about who he was. He had been manipulating her, using her body, and infiltrating her mind. It's hard to draw comparisons to a human on human, but she definitely suffered emotional, psychological, physical abuse and manipulation. Now she's dealing with a pregnancy that's come out of an abusive and traumatic relationship, and she's looking at this pregnancy as representing the legacy of that abuse and trauma. Isobel's looking at a woman's right to have it on her own terms, and these are not the terms that she agreed to, and she's very much alone.

That's a very relatable story line if you remove the alien element and just focus on how many women are alone and dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and don't have access to help.

Yes. That's a really terrifying thing. I think that's a place that many women find themselves. While Isobel's in extreme extenuating circumstances, I think this is something that many women face, and whether it's because they're under age and their families won't understand, or because they're illegal citizens and they feel that going to a hospital will compromise them and they'll be deported, or maybe they live in a state where medical assistance just isn't offered for that. This is something many women have had to really face. I think in that sense, Carina wanted to do justice to that story so women who have gone through it can see that they're not alone. Often on TV, you get to this moment and then it's like, "Oh, there was a miscarriage," or they find some way to do it without compromising the character's likability. It's so sad to me that the character's likability would be in question for having to make this kind of decision, but it's the reality that we live in. There's such a stigma. Carina wanted to say, "This character is alone, and she's making a choice to save herself." It was very bold, and I'm really honored to be a part of it.

It's an emotionally draining episode for Isobel, for sure. The scene with Max on the couch where she talks about how much she misses him but seems to come to the realization that she is the only person she can truly rely is pretty heartbreaking. How was that to shoot?

It was very challenging. Carina called me and we started talking about it and she said, "Okay, I have an idea, but I don't want you to freak out." She proposed this whole thing. My initial reaction was like, "Oh God, please don't make me," because you go through it as an actor. You put your human body through it, and you don't want to hold back. Especially with this, I felt an enormous responsibility to do justice to this story because I know it's so important to so many people. But it was rough. Every morning going to work was like walking into a war zone. You know what's coming and you're like, "Please don't make me go!" But it's such a beautiful monologue. It's heartbreaking. I lost a parent a few years ago and when I read that monologue I was just like, "Oh God." It just hits. It just rings so true. To be dealing with grief is its own miracle and monster, and that was something that was really important for me to show up for as an artist. I know that part of the human condition, that inability to move forward beyond the loss of someone.

Wow, yeah, pretty heavy stuff. I guess one bright spark in all of this was that Liz [Jeanine Mason] and Isobel are back on better terms. Will we see them team up going forward?

Yeah, something that's really beautiful about what happens to Isobel is that in the dearth of all other supportive relationships, she's going to have to learn how to be friends with the girls. Men, God bless them, can't relate as well to what she is going through as other women can. I think Maria sees it. She's got her psychic abilities and she's like, "What's going on with you?" Liz, of course, when she finds out, is like, "Why didn't you tell me?! I would have been there for you." I'm really excited that this season Isobel is going to learn how to play nice with the girls. Female relationships can be complicated, and they can be so powerful.

I'm assuming you won't have any scenes with Jason Behr since he exists in flashbacks, but how was just having the O.G. Max on set?

Such a dream. First of all, I was a huge Roswell original fanatic. I was obsessed with it. The first time I saw him was at craft services. It was lunchtime and I'm like stuffing my pockets full of all my snacks and I like look up, and it was like an angel had fallen to the earth and there he was. I don't get star-struck, but I was so awkward. I was like, "It's you!" You could tell the poor man has had to deal with this like a lot. He's like, "Yes, it's me. I know that I'm the hero of your dreams." It was embarrassing, but having him around was amazing. He's been such a huge champion of the show. We have a tradition of going out for karaoke on Saturday nights, and he came out one time. I had just recently bought this totally absurd floor-length fur vest, and he put it on and looked like Jon Snow, but sleeker. I was just like, "Is this real life?" I just wanted to tell my 12-year-old self, "Girl, wait until I tell you what is going to happen!"

Amazing. I love that so much. We should talk about the ending too with Michael's mom and the other woman who may be Isobel and Max's mom. Can you tease anything to come there? Is Isobel going to throw herself into investigating her past?

Yeah, I think you can definitely get ready for some exciting investigation into the past. Isobel is trying to figure out who she is in a sense of where's she from too and what her roots are. That's definitely a question that she's got intensely on her mind. Part of the trajectory of the season is exploring the past and trying to get some information on what happened and what went down in 1947. So we'll definitely get to know some of those characters and get to fill in a little bit of the family gaps. It's beautifully written and beautifully acted, and I'm really excited for fans to see it. I think they're going to love it.

~ EW

#lily cowles #isobel evans #roswell new mexico #rnm spoilers #rnm 2x03 #rnm cast interviews #jason behr

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animeniacss · 4 years

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6 Years - Hoseok x Reader - Chapter 16 - Mom Friends

Synopsis: 6 years. That’s all it can take to take another look at someone and see that they have completely changed. You were once an eager 20-year-old, with your dreams all in view, and Jung Hoseok at your side to view them with you. However, after a break up the end of your junior year of college, everything seemed different. Now, you’re a recently divorced single mother of two, and your life is nowhere near what you thought it would be. However, after reuniting with Jung Hoseok, you may just be able to capture a little bit of that exciting youth you once knew so long ago.

Feat. BTS Members, Nayeon (TWICE), and Yuna (itzy)

Genre: Romance, SingleMother!AU, Past Relationship, Drama, Some Depictions of Violence/Domestic Abuse

Length: approx. 4.2k words

Chapter 16 - Mom Friends

Hoseok finished up his lessons in the middle of the afternoon, when you had already arrived with the girls for Min Ja’s dance lessons. After he finished with the final group, he took a walk to a nearby coffee shop and got himself something to drink, trying to clear his head. Hoseok was never a confrontational person, it wasn’t in his nature. Weong-Bin was so close to him, practically threatening and egging him on, encouraging him to fight in hopes that he would. Well, obviously Weong-Bin didn’t know Hoseok that well. It was a scary experience, but Hoseok knew he needed to be tough and not falter, that would be what Weong-Bin wanted.

If she finds out, it’s only going to stress her out more. He thought to himself. That’s the last thing I want to do to her right now… He pouted, kicking a rock as he walked down the street. But if he’s the one that tells her…ugh, I don’t even want to think about the stuff he would say to her! It was making him frustrated, but he didn’t want to let it get into his head. He saw the studio in his sights, and hummed, trying to put this all behind him for right now. You were most likely in there with the girls, and the thought alone made him excited.

As Hoseok walked into the studio, Jin-Young looked up from her spot behind the receptionist desk. The minute she noticed it was Hoseok walking in, she quickly hopped up out of her seat. She looked a bit panicked, and as if she had been teary-eyed at some point in the past few minutes.

“Hoseok.” She said as soon as he walked in. He glanced over. “I’m so….so sorry about what happened with Weong-Bin this morning.” She said quickly. Hoseok could see she looked upset, Jimin said he had spoken to her about not letting Weong-Bin in without reason from now on. “I knew I shouldn’t have let him into the back, I should have called you up here. I just…” she sighed. “I feel so stupid.”

I guess this whole thing is just gonna follow me around today no matter what I do, huh? Hoseok thought to himself, chuckling a bit as it crossed his mind. However, he could see she was truly bothered by this, and he offered her a kind smile. Lifting up a finger, he poked her quickly in the nose. She blinked, glancing up at him curiously.

“Don’t worry about it.” He assured her. “I know you didn’t do anything on purpose. Just be careful of Weong-Bin. He seems really charming and kind, but he’s so manipulative.”

“I know that now.” She chuckled a bit. “It’s a shame, I thought he was cute too.” Her attempt at a joke made Hoseok’s face twist into one of disgust. That made her laugh a bit more. “Well, I guess attractiveness men are based on more than just appearance.”

“Trust me, they are.” He said. He checked the clock, before looking back at Jin-Young. “They must already be in practice. I’m gonna go say hello.” He offered one more smile at Jin-Young, and she returned it as she watched him head down the hall and into Jimin’s practice room.

Jimin was just finishing up a practice run of dance when he saw Hoseok walk in. A smile formed on his lips as he offered his friend a quick wave. Then, his attention was back on the girls, seeing them standing in rows waiting for instruction. “Alright, girls,” Jimin said, resting against the wall. “I want you to pair up for The Mirror Game.” He said happily. The girls cheered as they scrambled around to find a friend and stand facing each other. A few kids came crying to him about not having a partner, but he very quickly shuffled them with each other and sent them on their way. “Remember that you need to copy what your partner is doing. And be sure to take turns leading.” He turned on a song to play as background music. The girls began doing different stances and moves, trying their best to copy each other as giggles began to emanate through the classroom.

You were sitting on the benches at the end of the room, Hyo Bin standing in front of you as she tried her best to do what she saw Min Ja doing on the dance floor. When you saw Hoseok walk in, a smile formed on your lips. He had walked up to Jimin and began to speak to him. As you watched them, you overheard the group of moms nearby talking about him again. They really were infatuated with him.

“I wonder why he’s always coming in here.” One said.

“He doesn’t have a daughter, does he?” Another asked.

“Oh no, I don’t think so.” Replied the third. You glanced over to them, slightly curious of where their conversation would go. When one of them caught your gaze, a brunette woman with hair that curled to her shoulders, you felt a bit nervous. You knew exactly who she was. So-Hee. Her daughter, San-Ha, was one of Min Ja’s closest friends in the program, the one who is going to the same school as her. The duo seemed to be pretty content just seeing each other once a week in class, but now that school was starting, Min Ja was starting to ask about playdates. Playdates were…something you hadn’t really experienced before, both during your marriage and especially after the divorce. You had put it off, but you were starting to be backed into a corner by your daughter.

“Do you think he has a thing for one of the moms here?” She asked, a grin forming on her face. Your eyes wandered over to her when she spoke to you, and you saw now a group of about four women looking at you, curious as to your answer. You didn’t know how to answer that, because you had two options: lie and be caught or tell the truth. Honestly, you weren’t sure what the outcome would be for either of those responses.

“Well…” you pursed your lips. “What do you think?”

“I mean I’m married, but…” she giggled. “I’d totally let him teach me the tango if you know what I mean~.” You blinked as the other mothers in the little group began laughing at her comment. You forced a nervous chuckle as you turned back to Hyo Bin, watching as she finally seemed to give up and plopped herself on the floor, whimpering in frustration as she began to cry. You saw Min Ja look up at the sound of her sister crying, which caused her to falter in her practice. Quickly, you stood up and scooped Hyo Bin into your arms, trying to soothe her and calm her about her dancing as soon as you could. She wasn’t in hysterics, but she was whimpering and trying to convey her frustration to you. Hoseok looked over at you when he heard Hyo Bin crying.

He thought back to this morning again, and it made his head start to hurt. He didn’t want to bring it up in the middle of you tending to your toddler. So, he simply put on a smile and headed over towards you, arms outstretched for the crying child in his sights.

“Hyooooo Biiiiiiin~.” He cooed, making the little girl look up. You did as well, and when he saw the smile grow on your face, it only made his widen as well.

“Who’s that?” You gasped, pointing at the thrilled man on his way. Hyo Bin wiped her eyes, trying to vent her frustrations to Hoseok now that he was close to her, her arms outstretched to him as he quickly scooped her up.

“Oooooh, are you trying to dance like Min Ja?” he asked, pointing to her older sister. Hyo Bin nodded, a shaky “uh-huh” escaping her lips. “How about I help you, okay?” Hyo Bin sniffled, nodding. You sat back down as Hoseok set Hyo Bin in a small area of the room that was out of the way of the lesson. He sat cross-legged as he looked at Hyo Bin. “Okay. Ready?” he took her hands as he helped her get into position. He was smiling as he tried his best, though he was not as well versed in ballet, he knew enough to help a two-year-old feel included.

As you were sitting, balancing your attention between both Hyo Bin and Hoseok as well as Min Ja’s lesson, you heard the sound of someone sitting next to you. Looking over, you saw So-Hee, fixing her hair as she offered you a kind smile.

“I feel like every time Hoseok comes in here, he’s totally all over you and your kids. You’re a lucky girl.” She teased. A shy chuckle escaped your lips.

“Yeah…I’m pretty lucky.” You admitted. “He…Hoseok is really good with my girls.”

“He must really like you.” So-Hee teased, offering you a playful nudge. “You should totally ask him out. You’re like the only single one in this cast of parents, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.” You admitted. Your response left So-Hee confused. “I mean…well…” Okay, maybe I’m being too anxious about this. It’s not that big of a deal that I’m dating him, I barely even talk to these women. You thought to yourself. After a moment of silence, So-Hee chuckled.

“You don’t seem to want to talk about it. That’s okay. I remember when you were going through the divorce how anxious and intense it must have been.” You glanced over to at her. “…I can be very observant.” She teased. “But if you don’t want to tell me anything, I get it.” She glanced back over at Hoseok, who had pulled Hyo Bin into his lap, allowing her to squeal in delightful giggles. “But you should take my advice.”

“…I already did.” You said. So-Hee blinked, now intrigued. “I dated Hoseok in college. We reconnected when he came back into town and…we’ve recently reignited out relationship.” When the words left your lips, you felt…weird. Not bad, not necessarily good, just…. weird. Your friends and family knew you had gotten back into the relationship, but you had only told them over text. It had yet to leave your lips until now, and that fact alone surprised you.

“…What?!” She grinned. “Oh my God, you little sneak and you never said anything until now?!” She gripped your arm, shaking you like a wild teenage girl. “I don’t believe you.” You chuckled a bit, seeing So-Hee smile in amusement as she continued to tease you. “That’s crazy! Oh, I need details on how that all is going.”

As the two of you, mostly So-Hee, continue to chat, the evening lesson came to an end. Jimin had the girls do a cool down, and told them what they should be practicing, before they got in their little group and did a goodbye cheer, before girls scattered to their parents. Min Ja hurried up to Hoseok and Hyo Bin, peeking over Hoseok’s shoulder as he looked up at her happily. You watched So-Hee’s daughter rushes up to her eagerly, and So-Hee’s attention turned from you as her daughter chatted her ear off.

“Mommy, are you and Min Ja’s mommy making a playdate? Pleeeeease say yes, Mommy!” So-Hee giggled as she grabbed her daughter’s bag.

“Nobody likes a nosey little girl, and you know better.” She said simply, standing up. You stood up too, seeing Min Ja rush over and hug her friend almost instantly, the two giggling in glee as they toppled over. “San-Ha!”

“Min Ja, your outfit is going to get all dirty if you keep rolling all over the floor!” You scolded, watching as the girls stood to their feet, dusting off their tutus as if nothing happened. So-Hee glanced at you, and from the corner of her eye, saw Hoseok walking over with Hyo Bin in his arms. She smiled, turning to him.

“Hoseok-Oppa~.” She teased, grinning. Your face turned red as Hoseok immediately began to laugh at the wild 26-year-old.

“So-Hee, knock it off.” He teased in between little giggles. So-Hee held your arm as she told her daughter to get her sneakers on, then turned straight back to you and Hoseok. “I finally learned why you’ve been turning down my coffee dates.”

“…Because you’re married?” he asked. So-Hee clicked her tongue at his obvious avoidance of her joke.

“Well, yeah. But the second, and more important reason-.” She motioned over to you. “You’ve been having your eye on this cutie pie over here.”

“So-Hee…” you sighed softly. “Stop it.”

“Awww, don’t be embarrassed.” Hoseok said. “She’s not wrong.”

“Hobi….” You pouted a bit, taking Hyo Bin back into your arms.

“Mommy, I have my sneakers on.” San-Ha said, tugging at her mom’s arm.

“Okay, honey.” She said happily. “Say goodbye to Min Ja.” You watched the girls quickly offer a hug to each other.

“You need to tell your Mommy to let us have a playdate soon!” Sun-Ha begged her friends, hugging her tightly.

“Okay, I’m gonna try!” Min Ja nodded, a confident grin on her face. She quickly turned to you, her hand tightly clutching San-Ha’s as she looked at you. “Mommy-.”

“I’ll think about it.” You said quickly. So-Hee chuckled at how quickly you responded to your daughter, and a pout formed on her face. “We need to get home now so I can make dinner.”

“Well…” So-Hee turned to you, offering you a little business card with what looked like her phone number. “Call me when you have time. I have a pretty flexible schedule.”

“Mommy said her job is sitting on the couch and drinking her adult grape juice.” San-Ha added, nodding. Behind you, you heard the sound of Hoseok begin to laugh, covering his mouth. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit too, and the girls, even though they didn’t understand what was so funny, giggled anyway, because the adults were. So-Hee turned back to you.

“That aside, like I said, let’s get the girls together before school starts up. Give me a call, okay?” You nodded.

“Alright. I will.” The sound of two young girls squealing in excitement flooded your ears and you waved So-Hee off.

“Bye~.” She said happily, taking San-Ha’s hand as the duo headed out of the room. You sighed, looking down at the card in your hand. Suddenly, you felt Hoseok rest his head on your shoulder. Looking towards him, you saw he was smiling.

“You don’t look happy.” He said.

“I am. Min Ja’s been wanting the playdate, I’m glad we finally connected. But…” you looked at Min Ja, while also setting Hyo Bin down on the floor. “Min Ja, can you take Hyo Bin and go say hi to Mr. Jimin for a minute?”

“….Okay!” She said, taking her sister's hand as they headed towards the instructor who was beginning to tidy up. When they were gone, and it seemed almost all the other mothers had taken their daughters out of the room, you looked at Hoseok.

“I have no bad blood towards any of the other parents here.” You stated. “But I never talk to them. This is the first time I’ve had a conversation with any of them.”

“Why is that?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t know.” You admitted. “When I was married, Weong-Bin told me to drop her off and then make sure dinner was ready when we all got home, so I went back home to get that prepared. After the divorce, I was so busy working, it took a long time to get time to even come to the lessons.” You glanced over to Min Ja, who was talking to a crouched down Jimin. “I never had any mom friends. I didn’t know how to talk to any of those girls. We’re not the same.”

“That’s not true.” Hoseok said. “You’re all moms.” A laugh escaped his lips as you nudged him for his joke. “I’m serious.”

“I know, but that isn’t what I mean.” You added. “They’re all married, some don’t even work, they just sit back and gossip and chat and…drink their adult grape juice.”

“Heh. Well, that’s another thing you have in common.” He added. You chuckled. “Well, at least you have a mom friend now.” He said.

“She thought I should ask you out…” you mumbled.

“You should.” He grinned, and you finally laughed a bit. “How about…. we go to a movie one night when you can get your babysitter.” You couldn’t help but nod.

“That sounds good.” You said happily. Hoseok smiled. “I should probably go. Are you coming over for dinner tonight?”

“Aaaah, no, I don’t think so.” He said. “I’ve been a bit out of it today.” He saw you frown and sighed softly. A piece of him wanted to tell you about what happened with Weong-Bin today, but he didn’t want to worry you over it. That was what he kept telling himself. But he had already held it off for the entire day, and that was already too long. “Listen, don’t get upset, okay?” Almost immediately, your frown deepened and your eyebrow raised.

“…Why?” you asked.

“…Weong-Bin came into the studio this morning and was giving me a hard time over our relationship. He was threatening me to end it.” Your eyes widened.

“What?!” You asked, Hoseok flinching at the sound of your voice. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Hoseok?!”

“I didn’t want to worry you.” He said quickly. “But…well, I’d rather you hear it from me than from him.” He saw that you looked a bit angry with him for holding it off. “I’m sorry. But it really wasn’t a big deal!”

“N-…” you ran a hand through your hair, stunned how quickly the conversation had jumped from mommy playdates to love triangle intimidation so quickly! “Not that big of a deal?! Hoseok…” Hoseok looked over his shoulder, seeing Jimin had looked up when he heard voices being raised. He quickly took your hand and led you outside the room, closing the door behind him. You were a bit shaken up from what he told you, and Hoseok knew he should have called you or something earlier. Why didn’t he, again? “Did he hit you or anything? I’ll call the police, I swear it.”

“No, he didn’t.” Hoseok said, smiling a bit. “Like I said, I just wanted you to know, but I’m not going to worry about it.”

“Not going to worry about it? Hoseok, I know you want to be the bigger man, and I respect that. But Weong-Bin is not going to take this well. I’m amazed I haven’t heard from him today!”

“I’m amazed too.” He said simply. “But if we spend all this time worrying about it and letting him freak us out, he’ll win. I’ve told you this already.” You groaned, covering your face.

“I know!” You shouted though you didn’t mean to. “I know, I know! I just… ugh! I cannot believe you waited until I was just about to leave to tell me this.” You said. Hoseok pouted a bit, putting his hands in his pockets.

“…Sorry.” He said. Before you could say anything else, the door opened, both of you looking over to see Jimin walking out with both of the girls in tow.

“Are we going home now, Mommy?” Min Ja asked.

“…Yeah.” He said. “Of course, honey. Do you have everything?” When you saw your daughter hold up her ballet bag in one hand and Hyo Bin’s hand in the other, a smile formed on your face and you felt your heartbeat slow down.

“Bye Mr. Jimin. Bye, Mr. Hobi!” Min Ja said happily.

“Bye-Bye Misser Hobi. Bye-Bye Misser Jimnie…” Hyo Bin repeated. Jimin smiled.

“Bye-bye girls.” He said. You offered to take Min Ja’s bag and turned to Hoseok, who offered a smile down at the girls as he waved and said good night. A sigh escaped your lips as you walked over to Hoseok, kissing his cheek. He looked over at you, seeing you scoop up Hyo Bin.

“I’ll be setting a plate for you.” You said simply, unable to hide your smile. Hoseok chuckled a bit.

“I’ll be there in a little bit.” He replied.

“Is Mr. Hobi coming home from dinner?!” Min Ja gasped. You nodded and she squealed. “Yay!” She said happily. “We’re having Japchae! Japchae, Japchae!”

“Oooo, yummy. I can’t wait.” Hoseok said. You smiled as you said your goodbyes and led your girls out of the studio, the sound of Min Ja cheering ‘japchae’ fading away as you exited the studio. Hoseok sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Auuugh, she can be so scary when she’s upset.” Hoseok huffed, making Jimin laugh a bit. “I knew she’d be upset but I didn’t think she’d be upset at me!”

“Well you waited, what…6 hours to tell her that her ex-husband is threatening you?” Jimin asked. “I’d be mad too.”

“Okay, you’re no help.” Hoseok huffed, making Jimin laugh again. He knew he should probably clean up and get ready to go if he wanted to make it to the house for dinner, so without another word, he simply headed to the closet and grabbed a broom.

----------

The sound of knocking alerted your attention to the door just as you finished setting the table. Min Ja looked up from the table, a grin forming on her face, realizing that it was Hoseok at the door.

“Mommy, Mr. Hobi!” She squealed, watching your head towards the door.

“I know.” You smiled a bit, dusting your hands on your pants as you went to open the door. Upon opening it, Hoseok was standing there, a smile on his face.

“Am I late?” he asked curiously.

“No. You’re just on time, actually.” You said, letting him into the house. You watched him take off his shoes, before he blinked as if he realized something at the last minute.

“Oh right!” He said, grinning. He reached into the bag that he carried with him. “I didn’t want to make it obvious so I carefully put it in here but-.” He lifted out a little rose, handing it to you. “Here you go~.”

Almost immediately, you felt your breath catch in your throat. You took the rose into your hands and examined it, smiling up at him.

“What made you buy this?” you asked curiously, watching Hoseok shake a hand in his hair as he offered you a goofy smile.

“I just felt like it.” He said simply. “You better take extra care of it.” He nodded. “I worked really hard to find the perfect ‘I’m sorry’ flower.”

“Oh, my goodness.” You sighed. “You didn’t need to get me an ‘I’m sorry’ flower, moron.” You said, taking his hand as you led him inside. “Let’s go eat, huh~?” you hummed happily. He nodded, following you into the kitchen. The girls happily said their hellos to Hoseok as he sat at the table, watching you put the rose into a little cup of water before joining them.

After dinner that night, Hoseok helped you get the girls into bed before the both of you took a seat on the couch, exhausted sighs escaping your lips. It was silent for a few moments, and Hoseok looked over to you. He saw you run a hand through your hair.

“You promise me he didn’t hurt you right?” You asked him softly. Hoseok shook his head.

“No. He tried, but he didn’t hit me or anything.” Hoseok said. You nodded, laying your head on Hoseok’s shoulder. “He was being really intimidating, though. I didn’t realize he was taller than him until he was right in front of my face.” You chuckled a bit.

“Yeah. He is pretty tall.” You agreed. The sudden feeling of Hoseok’s hand running through your hair made you hum a bit. “Are you staying tonight?”

“Do you want me to?” he asked curiously.

“Of course, I do, silly.” You glanced up at him. “I always want you to stay here.”

“Well you were upset with me.” He hummed, pouting. “I honestly thought I would be in the dog house for a few days and I was trying to mentally prepare myself.” You giggled.

“Is that why I got an ‘I’m sorry’ rose?” you asked curiously.

“That’s exactly why.” He responded, and both of you giggled.

“You’re an idiot.” You said simply, poking his cheek. He hummed a bit, smiling enough to expose his cute little dimples. “You must be tired. It sounds like you had a long day.”

“I did.” He said simply, his head finally lolling to the side to gently rest on top of yours. You nodded, lifting yourself off of the couch, a hand reaching out to take Hoseok’s.

“We’re still on for that movie date, right?” you asked. Hoseok chuckled, leaning in to offer you a kiss on the nose.

“Of course.” He said. You nodded, smiling as you led him into the bedroom for a much-needed good night sleep together. It was the best kind of sleep, in your opinion.

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svudrabbles · 5 years

Text

All Her Fault

She wasn’t sure why she was here. She didn’t do this, she didn’t pay for people to rip open her wounds and watch the blood pour out. But a piece of her was tired of walking around with the scabs that never scarred over. When Olivia offered her, a second time, to go back to see Doctor Lindstrome, she almost freaked out on her.

‘You know how I feel about therapy.’ She had said.

‘And I know how you’re hurting.’ Olivia had responded.

The blond was unsure what to say in response to this, so she didn’t. She snatched the card out of Olivia’s hand, and stormed out of the precinct. When she hopped in her car, she had ever intention of throwing the small rectangular piece of card stock out the window and go home.

She made a split second decision to look at the card, and follow the address.

“Amanda.” Doctor Lindstrome smiled at her. “Olivia told me to expect you. I wasn’t sure you would show.”

“She was?” The blond scoffed, hugging a pillow to her chest tightly as she buried herself deeper into the couch cushions.

With a deep breath, Doctor Lindstrome asked, “What are you doing here, Amanda, truly?”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you supposed to listen to my feelings...or whatever.”

“I can, if that’s what you want.”

Amanda blinked, suddenly confused.

“But that isn’t what you want, is it?” Doctor Lindstrome raised his brows in his direction.

“What kind of game are you trying to play?” The blond asked, sitting up straight, moving the pillow away from her person.

“I’m not playing any game, Amanda.” He clasped his hands together. “I’m curious as to which game you’re playing, though.”

She rolled her eyes, getting onto her feet. She began pacing the carpet. “I don’t know why I’m here, okay.”

“Well, why don’t we start there. We can figure out what drove you to come see me.”

“Olivia said it would help.” Amanda stated, her hands balling into fists. “She said that it helps to let someone in.”

“And you don’t believe that?”

“Why would I?” She paused, looking him in the eye. “Letting other people close to me has never ended well.”

He nodded slowly. “When did you start building those walls?”

“What walls?”

“The ones you’re enforcing right now. The barricade to your heart.”

“Stop with your fucking metaphors.” The blond laughed bitterly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “You want to know when I stopped trusting people, Doctor Lindstrome?”

“Sure, that’s a better way to phrase it without...metaphors.” He nodded.

She clenched her jaw. “I was three.”

“Okay. Do you want to tell me about that?”

“No.”

He inhaled deeply. “Okay. I think I finally understand why you decided to come here, Amanda.”

“Why’s that, doctor?” She sneered.

“You wanted me to tell you you’re fine.” He said softly. “To convince you of your own lies you’ve been telling yourself since you were a little girl. You’re not broken, you’re not hurting. You’re normal.”

Her blue eyes met the red patterned carpet beneath her feet.

“But, Amanda, I can’t do that. Because it is very clear to me that you are hurting, and you have been for a long, long time.”

“What would you know about that?” She yelled, her face reddening with embarrassment and shame. “You don’t know a god damned thing about me!”

“Can I? Will you allow me to?”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “What? You want to know about the first time I lost faith in humanity? Fine. I was three fucking years old when I watched my dad punch my pregnant mom in the face.”

“I’m sure that must have been very scary.”

“Scary?” Amanda sat back down on the couch, rubbing her thighs nervously. “It was fucking terrifying. I’d heard it before. I’d heard mom screaming, asking him, begging him to stop. I’d heard glass breaking, I’d heard slapping. I’d never seen it before.”

“Before you could pretend it was all a bad dream.” Doctor Lindstrome offered. “You could cover your ears, and convince yourself...maybe it was the neighbors. But not my mom, not my dad.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked hard in order to force them away. “It was the first time it was real. I...I screamed, I think. I don’t remember if it was me or mama. I had an accident.” Her blue eyes darted back and forth, remembering the scene in front of her as if she was watching it on a projector. “Mama saw me...told me, ‘everything’s fine Mandy. go on back to bed.’”

She looked up toward him and shook her head.

“So I went...cleaned myself up...and I whispered to myself that everything was fine.”

Doctor Lindstrome sighed. “So even in your formative years, you were convincing yourself that the behavior was okay. That you were okay. That nothing was wrong.”

She shrugged, her hands beginning to shake. “I...I guess.”

There was a moment of silence before Amanda began talking again. “When Kim was born, I...daddy got worse. He didn’t even try to hide it anyway. Beat her sideways any way he could. I was only four, but...I’d carry her off to my bedroom, and hide in the closet. We kinda made a routine of that as we got older.”

“So you were taking Kim, when someone should have been taking care of you?”

“I begged,” Amanda’s voice cracked. “I begged mama to leave him. I begged her, and you know what she said?”

“What did she say, Amanda?”

“She said...I can’t.” Tears rolled down her cheeks now. “‘Mama can’t afford to leave.’, or ‘What would you girls do without your daddy?’ and all i could think was, you’re not chained down? Daddy is gone all day until the night time. We could pack up and leave right now if we wanted to.”

“How did that make you feel?” He prodded.

“Angry.” She cried, wiping tears away from red cheeks. “I started resenting her, y’know? She could have left. She could have taken us and left, and then when daddy went after, Kim...”

Doctor Lindstrome’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I got in front of her. Got double the beating.” She scoffed. “I sent Kim to her bedroom so she didn’t have to watch. I remember...the belt just...snapping.” She clenched her fist in a rhythm, the doctor noticed. “Snap. Snap. Snap. I counted...counted to try and keep my mind...”

“Amanda...”

“And when mama came home, she cried. She held me, and cried, and all I could think was....’This is all your fault.”

“But, Amanda, you know that it wasn’t-”

“Spare me the bullshit.” Amanda spat, jumping on her feet defensively. “It was her fault!”

He pursed his lips, defeated for now.

“And every time I got beat, it was her fault, and every time she got beat, it was her fault. I finally had enough at sixteen, I just...I just left.”

“Where did you go?”

“Lived with friends for awhile. When I turned eighteen I joined the academy.” She responded, rubbing her shaking hands together. “I left Kim behind and she just...lost it.”

“Lost it?”

“Her mind was weak.” She shrugged. “She couldn’t handle the abuse I guess, she just broke down. Drugs, drinking, manipulating, whatever. I was always there to clean up her messes.”

“Always there to clean up everyone’s messes.” Doctor Lindstrome stated.

“That’s how it was.” Amanda laughed bitterly. “Lead to the worst moment of my life.”

“What was the worst moment of your life, Amanda?”

She paused. Suddenly, her lungs felt as if they’d deflated. Her heart stopped beating, her brain on overtime. “He...he hurt me...”

“Who?”

“He...I...” She lifted her hand to the back of her head, crumbling onto her knees to the floor below. “Cleaned up after Kim again...and I didn’t...I didn’t wanna but...”

Doctor Lindstrome got onto his knees with Amanda. “But what?”

“He made me.” Her voice trembled, hands grabbing at the floor, trying to piece the puzzle together. “I wanted to get away and he...he bashed my head into the head board. The blood, I...I could smell...taste it...”

“He raped you.”

“Yes.” She sputtered. “All because...of me.”

“Amanda, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I said yes!” She screamed. “I went into that motel room! I got into bed with him! It was my fucking fault.”

“But you told him to stop. You said you didn’t want to.”

“When’s the last time a man ever listened to a woman?” She spat, getting onto her shaky feet. Her legs felt like jelly beneath her. “Men don’t care about what women want. They just take, and take, and we let them.”

“No. They take, because they force you into a position of powerlessness.”

“Fuck you.” She ran her hands through her blond tendrils. “Oh my God. If my mom had just left him! If she’d left him, and never looked back, it never would have happened.”

“What never would have happened?”

“Patton!” She shouted. “Patton never would have happened. Kim wouldn’t have done what she did, I wouldn’t need to clean anybodies mess, and I wouldn’t have been so fucking stupid to allow myself to lay in a room with him all alone, to let him fuck me.”

“Amanda, you can’t blame your mom for what happened in that room. There is only one person to blame for what he did to you, and that’s Patton.”

The blond groaned, picking up her belongings. “This was a mistake.”

“Amanda,” Doctor Lindstrome sat up quickly.

“Just...just stop.” She sobbed, running out of the room.

She hurried into her car, and locked the doors. She cried merclissely, slamming her fists on the steering wheel with so much force she thought she’d break something in her hand. She screamed, and she sobbed, until eventually, she had the energy to drive home.

Where she would forget, where she would shove everything down again, and pretend nothing had happened.

#svu #law and order svu #amanda rollins

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casual-romantic · 5 years

Text

I started another SLBP MS, so it’s time for another unpopular opinion! :D

...Actually, to be honest, I kind of hate that that seems to be my “lane.” I’d much rather always be so excited about the game that all my opinions are popular because my opinions are always “this route was the best! Romantic/funny/well-written/etc!” But I’ve been playing for very nearly a year now and have long since read all the main stories that appealed to me, so what’s left? Replaying favorites and getting around to the leftovers.

ANYWAY, this time I’m playing Hideyoshi’s MS. I previously discussed being surprised to find myself “on Inuchiyo’s side.” Two chapters had me wondering if I should try Inuchiyo’s route after all, but a timely intervention from @otome-reviews and reading the rest of the opening convinced me I was better off staying away from that particular can of (angry, assaulting) worms.

About the rest of that opening: holy hell. I’ve talked before about Ieyasu being a classic abuser and Saizo being emotionally abusive, but Inuchiyo is a different kind of scary. Ieyasu mostly sticks to words and the occasional strangling; he has other people to do his dirty work. Saizo’s problem is that he doesn’t want to touch you at all. But Inuchiyo radiates violent energy and it’s honestly scary for me.

For example: Hideyoshi is sharing a room with MC. Hideyoshi has been sleeping elsewhere and generally being considerate of MC’s “secret” woman status (not that he tells her this, because Hideyoshi apparatenly hates honest communication in any form). Inuchiyo finds out and uses Nobunaga’s offer of a favor to get himself the room next door. He picks a fight with Hideyoshi about this and then punches a hole in the wall so he can watch Hideyoshi with MC.

In that one gesture, we have:

Violence

Anger

Control

Lack of trust

Spying

Destruction of property

Disregard of MC’s own ability to make choices/defend herself

Implication that he sees all men as rapists (which, projection much?)

And no one seems to think this is especially awful! Ha ha, that Inuchiyo. He and Hideyoshi sure are best friends who get along, huh? Inuchiyo’s so protective of his childhood friend.

?!?!?

Then comes MC getting assaulted by the Nobunaga’s ugly uncle (because rape is only bad when ugly people do it in this game), and Inuchiyo again goes crazy over the top to show how much he cares about MC. I can’t even term his effectively volunteering of himself for death as noble, because the way he does it is, again, disturbing in jumping straight to violence and himself as the only one who can protect MC.

Fortunately he “just” gets banished (though he turns up again just a few chapters later no worse for the wear), and the game makes you feel super guilty if you don’t run after your “protector.” And it will come as no shock that Inuchiyo’s solution to regaining favor is to head for the front lines. Violence again.

So that’s Inuchiyo. Every time he’s on screen I brace myself for one of his outbursts. But I’m reading Hideyoshi’s route, not his, so let’s talk about the monkey.

Hideyoshi is big on manipulation. Even when the best intentions are behind it, I hate manipulation, so I am not exactly having fun. Worse, the game decides to introduce us to how Hideyoshi works by showing him manipulating Mitsunari into helping MC regain favor with Nobunaga. Mitsunari.

Oh hell no.

First off, dude. Mitsunari thinks Hideyoshi walks on water. He shouldn’t need to be manipulated into doing anything for him. Second, Hideyoshi at no point during the process (which turns out to be MC making foreign sweets for Nobunaga) explains to anyone what his plan is. It’s not like this is the storming of Normandy, you know? I think he could have maybe told MC right from the start “I think if you bake something tasty for Nobunaga he’ll ease up.” But nope, that surprise comes for after she’s done baking!

This is the hallmark of a man who cannot and does not trust in anyone but himself. Maybe that’s supposed to be his character flaw, and we’ll get a whole thing about MC showing Hideyoshi that it’s okay to tell other people things. I don’t like MC once again having to perform all the emotional labor, but that might be an interesting character arc. Based on how this is presented as charming and Hideyoshi being oh-so-smart, though, I doubt it. I can’t imagine Hideyoshi treating his MC as an equal. He sure isn’t in the current event.

I want to yell at MC “You have more than two choices! You could run off with - just spitballing here - Mitsunari! Or go home to Kyoto and stay there for once. Hold out until Masanari shows up. Discover a love of women. Anything but act as if you must pick between violent dog and shady monkey and in the process utterly hurt the other.”

I’m getting closer and closer to quitting SLBP, or at least only playing for my favorites when they show up in an event. (Really hoping Mitsunari’s bride-memory-cliffhanger story is good.) Because I am tired of reading about these relationships with men in desperate need of therapy and/or restraining orders. Anyone know of an otome that’s got good writing (good, not merely passable) and refrains from assault as love and rape as a plot device?

#slbp #inuchiyo #hideyoshi

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filmista · 6 years

Text

🎀 Female Characters And Performances I l❤️ve 🎞

1. Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster, The Silence Of The Lambs)

-Starling, when I told that sheriff we shouldn't talk in front of a woman, that really burned you, didn't it? It was just smoke, Starling. I had to get rid of him.

-It matters, Mr. Crawford. Cops look at you to see how to act. It matters.

Why?:

She is perhaps my all-time favorite female character and of the first ones, that I think of when I hear the phrase “strong women” in reference to films. She doesn’t go around kicking literal ass but she takes pride what she does.

She is driven and passionate about her work and even with obstacles, she believes in herself. Which isn’t to say that she isn’t vulnerable or scared at times, she is. But rather than beat herself up about it or suppress she eventually learns to overcome it. Or rather work around it and draws strength from it and in the end shows that real strength isn’t not feeling fear, it isn’t being emotionless or numb it is continuing in spite of it.

2. Amy Dunne (Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl)

“It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.” ― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Why?:

Because she is one of the most complex female characters in modern literature and cinema. It’s incredibly easy to write her off as a female psychopath or a crazy bitch. While I don’t doubt that she might have mental problems, the film also shows us what might have caused some of her problems (the relationship with her parents, the pressure of living up to being Amazing Amy).

All of this aside, she’s just an incredibly fun and interesting character to watch. No matter what you might think of her morally.

There’s a phrase in the book that goes if I remember correctly something like this: “Amy likes to play god when she’s not happy. Old Testament God.” And yes, she’s incredibly pissed off for a large part of the film and does loads of scary, crazy shit throughout the film... all motivated by her absolutely astounding smartness and cunningness.

Personally, I wouldn’t say I agree with everything Amy does (I would be crazy if I did) but I do understand where some of her anger comes from and I even sympathize with her in a few instances in the film.

Point is though there should be more of these difficult, morally complex women in film. Sadly sometimes when women are unlikeable or difficult in a film we tend to as an audience dismiss them as “a crazy bitch”, or worse sometimes equate the actress behind the character to her on-screen persona.

3. Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver, Alien)

“Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?”

Why?:

Instead of naming the obvious reasons which are her stubbornness and overall badassery, determination and courage. What I love about her is the fact that she’s not really always likable, she’s quite moody and cranky and even plain bitchy sometimes.

She speaks her mind even when that doesn’t always make her popular with those around her. A not always likable female lead isn’t so unusual nowadays but Ripley really was one of the first ones in a big blockbuster. And she’s a cat lady.

Also if I ever get a cat again, I want to name it Jonesy or if it’s a black one Salem.

4. Shelly Johnson (Mädchen Amick, Twin Peaks)

“I’m a waitress in a diner. I’ve never been compared to a goddess before.”

Why?:

Okay, first of all, I’ll admit to having a small crush on Shelly (like probably many a Twin Peaks fan) but she’s more than just a sexy waitress. We all know she married an absolute piece of shit of a man, and when we see her at home she is almost always silent and completely submissive out of fear.

But then we see her at the diner, and she transforms: she’s charismatic, flirty, bubbly and just insanely loveable overall. What I think makes her a great character though is that there are also hints at rougher and darker edges.

In Episode 4 of season 1, after Laura’s funeral (after Leland falls into the coffin and sobs hysterically, which yes I thought was quite hysterical) we see her making fun of Leland in the diner in front of a group of admiring old men. There’s an interesting side to her that seems to want to bully almost, perhaps as a way to get what she is experiencing at home out of her system.

5. Mademoiselle De Poitiers ( Helen Morse, Picnic At Hanging Rock)

-Ah! Now I know.

-What do you know?

I know that Miranda is a Botticelli angel.

Why?:

Because she is for her time (which was not always easy for women) an incredibly sunny, optimistic and kind person. While everyone is telling the girls at the school off or being strict with them she treats them with respect and shows an interest in their “teenage world”.

While she might seem like a conventional and quite traditional female character, I adore that she seems like she genuinely enjoys her feminity. You look at her and see a woman who you can tell simply loves and revels in flirting and romance and it’s incredibly charming performance to watch.

6. Laura (Gene Tierney, Laura)

“You forced me to give you my word. I never have been and I never will be bound by anything I don't do of my own free will.”

Why?:

I think it’s a remarkable film for its time. Laura is portrayed (once she appears) as an incredibly charismatic, alluring and smart woman that values her privacy and independence and as loving and being successful in her career.

The twist though is that for a seemingly very strong woman she has a very toxic friendship with a male friend who’s extremely jealous and possessive of her. He has ruined countless of her romantic relationships because no man is ever good enough for his Laura.

Finally, she dumps him as she realizes his manipulation and stays with the man she’d fallen in love with, which might seem like a conventional ending but I love how Laura, in the end, takes control of her own happiness and by extension her life.

7. Vanessa Lutz (Reese Witherspoon, Freeway)

I know there’s a lot of sick guys that get hard… thinkin’ about messin’ women up. Hell, that’s all you ever see on TV. But when a guy goes and does that for real like you were plannin’ on doin’ – I was just trying to scare you. You had your turn to talk! I think it’s only fair to let me get my two cents in. You’re absolutely right. Sorry. Please, go on. But when a guy goes and hurts someone who never hurt them… that makes him a criminal first and a sick guy second. It’s like being sick has to take second place to being crooked.

Why?:

Reese Witherspoon’s plentiful and colorful swearing, as well as her unapologetic aggressiveness. She’s a trashy and violent female character, and I always find it incredibly interesting to take a look at female characters that are perpetrators of violence and what motivated them.

An interesting thing is also that she is supposedly a morally despicable, white trash and uneducated character but actually has a better understanding of and less twisted sense of morality than any of the characters that are supposedly well adjusted, refined and educated people. Some of her blunt, often shocking comments hit the nail on the head on several problems in American and general society.

8. Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren, The Birds)

“I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!”

Why?:

She’s my all-time favorite Hitchcock heroine. What I love about her particularly as a character is her spontaneity, her assertiveness, sass, and humor but above all her perseverance and genuine strength (though she’s occasionally prone to the dramatic sighing or shrieking women just sometimes did in older films ).

A delight for me in the film is that it turns a common romantic trope around: she is the one that first sets her sights on the man and consequently chases and gets with him.

She also consistently stands up for herself, point in case: the scene in the diner in which a local accuses her of causing the bird’s irrational and unexplainable behavior. I really believe she’s one of Hitchcock's most underestimated heroines and in my opinion also written with a depth that proves he was not a misogynist as is so often believed.

9. Wendy (Shelley Duvall, The Shining)

“You son of a bitch! You did this to him, didn't you! How could you! How could you!”

Why?:

While controversial just like Tippi Hedren’s performance in The Birds, I absolutely love Shelley Duvall’s work in The Shining and I think her performance is often very wrongly looked down upon.

Personally, I always thought film Wendy was stronger than book Wendy her performance is often dismissed as hysterical, over the top and she’s also called a dumb character very frequently.

In contrast to Nicholson’s performance though she’s pretty calm. What I love about the performance is the very subtle and slow changes in her attitude. People often find her a weak character, because she stays with her abusive husband I don’t think however that it is that unrealistic.

People in real life sometimes also tend to stay in these relationships until something drastic happens that forces them to really evaluate the situation. Her husband has moments where he convincingly plays at pretending to be the “nice and good husband” and so she chooses to buy it.

However once in the hotel, as Jack becomes increasingly mad she realizes her husband was never a good man, to begin with, and that she has reason to be very, very afraid of him and Duvall absolutely illustrates that fear brilliantly. At this point, instead of walking on eggshells as she did initially she realizes she and her son must simply get away from that man if they are to live.

I see how some people might not like her a character, it does feel like she screams a lot sometimes, but I find it incredible that even in her fear she still soldiers for herself and her child.

10. Ana (Isabelle Adjani, Possession)

“We are all the same. Different words, different bodies, different versions. Like insects! Meat!”

Why?:

Very simply put, Adjani’s utterly crazy and unhinged performance. It’s also a fantastic depiction of a slow and finally full blown descend into madness. What I love most of all is that while it may easy to dismiss her as a “psycho, hysteric” kind of female character she is not completely that there’s more nuance to it.

The film shows that the unhappiness in her marriage and the hints of abuse in it played a huge role as well. A showcase of the fact that love can sometimes truly drive us mad and make us lose ourselves.

Some fictional ladies that didn’t quite make this particular list, but might make appearances on another one:

Thelma (Geena Davis, Thelma & Louise)

-It’s not like I killed anybody, for God’s sake!

-Thelma!

Grace (Brie Larson, Short Term 12)

-Grace, you are a line staff. It's not your job to interpret tears. That's what our trained therapists are here for.

-Then your trained therapists don't know shit.

Celine (Julie Delpy, Before Trilogy)

“I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look like my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?”

#since I get asked about this a lot #I decided to make a list with some of my faves #I just realised after how much horror is in here #female characters #favourite female characters #women on film #movies #films #horror #favorites #cinema #filmista

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fuckyeahevanrwood · 6 years

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Evan Rachel Wood Channeled Her Own History of Abuse For the Queer Thriller Allure

Evan Rachel Wood's latest film, Allure, in theaters now, sees the actress painted in a light very unlike anything we've seen from her before. As a solitary housemaid, Laura, she enters into a relationship with, and subsequently kidnaps, her 16-year-old client. A survivor of abuse herself, Laura is a deeply complex woman with a history of severe mental instability who can be decidedly categorized as an antagonistic and deeply unlikable character, yet Wood manages to find a humanity and intense vulnerability in her performance.

The film comes at a highly interesting moment in Hollywood, as stories of abuse within the industry take center stage. To tell a story of abuse from the point of view of the abuser at such a time was a radical move, made more interesting by the choice of casting a woman to play this part, given that it had been initially written for a man. The result is a frightening film that captures the deeply woven mental intricacies and contradictions victims of abuse so often face, and the vicious cycle they often find themselves wrapped up in.

As an outspoken survivor of abuse in her own life, Evan Rachel Wood found herself uniquely qualified to portray the nuance of such a frightening relationship onscreen. But that's not to say the role was a walk in the park. The Emmy-nominated actress explained to us how difficult it was to revisit the anger she'd worked so diligently to overcome in bringing authenticity to this part. That the core relationship of the movie is homosexual is refreshingly inconsequential, and Wood talked to us about her delight that telling queer stories doesn't have to be for queerness' sake anymore.

It's not the only highly demanding role Wood has taken on this year. As the star returns to the wild odyssey of Westworld for a second season, she explained why the new challenges have made season one seem like a breeze. She spills about the crazy shooting schedule, the ambitious time frame they worked in, and the blood, the shotguns, and the horseback riding that so often permeated her workday.

Besides Westworld, we got Wood's thoughts on her new movie in the context of #TimesUp, finding a way to keep such an emotionally charged set feeling safe and consensual, and how she was able to pull off embodying a sociopathic abusive kidnapper with astounding believability.

OUT: What were your first thoughts on the script when you read it? I’m imagining you had a strong reaction, in one way or another.

Evan Rachel Wood: Well, it’s funny, I had just done season one of Westworld and was exhausted. Doing Westworld is one of the most physically and emotionally draining things anyone can ever do. That goes for whether you’re the camera operator or hair and makeup. It’s just a really brutal shoot. It’s amazing. I mean, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but that’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t want to do another movie. I was like, 'I’m done for the year, I can’t, I have to recuperate.' Then I came across this script, and the writing was really good. It struck me at first because ever since I heard Jodie Foster say that she reads scripts for men and women and, if she really likes them, she just asks if they can gender swap it, I was like, 'Man, I hope I can get to a place in my career where that’s possible,' because that’s a genius idea.

And that seems like a no-brainer now that the film is finished.

Luckily, Jason and Carlos, the directors and writers, had already come to that conclusion about this one. They had tried to make it with a man, and they were like, 'Ah, there’s something about this that is just not popping.' And someone said, 'What if he’s a woman?' And they had the awareness to go, 'Wow, that makes the story—that gives us so much more to play with.' To do it well with two women and have one of them be the abuser was like, 'Whoa, okay, I haven’t seen this story, and I wanna know how this goes and this happens and what the psychology behind this is.' I was really attracted to that because I believe in equal opportunity for women in film—that goes not just for the good guys but for villainous characters, as well. So this was like, 'Ok, I have the opportunity to do that and to play this sort of Taxi Driver-ish character as a woman and see what that’s about.'

It's a really intensely emotionally complex role.

I really appreciated the complexity, because obviously, I have experience in this area, and this was the first time I really read something that captured the psychology of an abusive relationship and the abusive side as well. It’s something that, if you haven’t experienced it, it’s really hard to judge. So when people ask, 'Why didn’t you just leave? Why did you come back?'

If you have been manipulated in that way through your love for somebody, you’re really vulnerable. I thought it was important to show how it’s done, how gaslighting is done, and how emotional blackmail is done. How after a while you can start feeling sorry for your abuser and you don’t know how to leave, so you just try to take care of them and try to stop whatever fiasco is about to happen. Also, the effect of abuse is something I can relate to [with] PTSD. There were things about the character that I knew I could give some understanding to—the torment of herself and feeling like a prisoner of her own trauma. I think you can see her dissociation in the film. Sometimes that’s a trauma response. I think if you look really hard, you can see the moments where she’s not there. She’s physically there, but there’s nothing behind her eyes.

Definitely.

And that’s what abuse looks like. It’s somebody that’s walking around like a normal—relatively normal—person, but if you look a little deeper, they’re not there. They’re a shell of a person. They’ve gone to another realm because they’ve had to. Especially if they’ve been abused themselves. It paints a different picture—a more honest picture—because it’s complicated.

You've struggled with abuse in the past and, as you said, that makes you uniquely qualified for this role. How did you feel when the #MeToo movement was beginning and these stories were coming to light?

Oh man. I wrote this essay about it for Nylon called “What a Time to be Alive,” and it was what I learned in the year since Trump had been elected. But it wasn't even about Trump [or] about how horrible he is—it was about other things. It’s been a real bittersweet moment. It’s been retraumatizing and when it was all happening, we were also working on Westworld and the themes in that are all about overcoming abuse and oppression and finding your power. Season two is really about the reckoning.

Jeez, I can’t wait! Wow.

Knowing that while it was going on was a real 'life imitating art' point in my life. Luckily, I’ve been doing work every single day in my life to become a whole person and I've read every self-help book I could. I tried to learn about abuse and learn about trauma and the more I can learn about it, the more I can understand it. The more I can let it go because otherwise it’s just crazy, and you don’t know what you’re feeling and no one really tells you. I’ve felt strong enough to do these roles because I knew it and understood it, but I also knew I could go there and be able to get myself back out.

It must have been such a powerful feeling to be in a place to do this role.

Yeah, and when the #MeToo movement happened, people were like, 'How you doin’ man?' I was like, 'You know what? I’m proud of myself because I’m very shaky and I’m very triggered, but I’m not hopeless and I’m not in despair.' That was new for me. It was new to be like, 'You know what? I’m feeling these things, but it doesn’t feel as dark or as scary or like I’m free falling.' That was empowering and to know that you’re not the only one just made me sob.

This is a female-led story, and it’s directed by men, but it really is a story that takes the female perspective. It’s so interesting because she’s not a very… She’s a bad person, really, at least to an extent.

She’s broken.

She’s broken. And I wonder how the LGBTQ angle fit into this?

When you think about Laura, you know that she’s been struggling with shame and identity and repression her entire life because she had been dealing with that sort of thing that she didn’t really know how to deal with. Trying to stifle that or whatever, but I also appreciated her being... whatever she is. I don’t even know if she’s gay, you know? That was never the culprit. It was never, 'Oh, well she’s abused and now she’s gay,' or 'oh, she’s gay, now she’s abusing.' It was just two women.

Yeah, it’s past that.

Yeah, we’re past that. Exactly. That’s not what it’s about. And let’s shatter those conceptions about that being the issue. That’s not the fucking issue.

Right!

If anything, the issue is these backward ideas.

That led to this, yeah.

Yeah, it was just rebranding it in a new way. And it’s funny when people interview me about it and they hardly bring it up. That’s amazing. That people can watch a movie that is still a lesbian romance with a much older woman and much younger girl, and they are focused on your movie. That means we did our job right. That's a good sign.

It’s also a nice indicator of how much progress has been made in regards to gay and queer storylines when that doesn’t have to be the focus anymore. It's just accepted as something that can be on screen, not for its own sake.

Exactly.

When you were filming, what the energy was like on set? Especially with this really heavy story and with the consent aspect with your co-star, Sarah Stone?

She was nineteen when we did the movie, and that's one of the reasons why Julia was so perfect. We looked at a lot of girls because it had to be right and they had to have a certain sense of emotional maturity to act very vulnerable. It had to be believable that I could overpower this person and be physically threatening to them.

She was amazing.

She checks all the boxes and she was the best actress. When she came into the reading, I was like, 'Duh. It’s Julia. She’s the only one that can do this.' She’s an adult legally so it makes our job easier because we’re not worried that we’re traumatizing this poor person. She’s a real actress and we had mutual respect. I’m so not like this character at all and I was mainly concerned that I wasn’t going to be believable as this scary person or that I was going to be too timid with her and be worried. I was probably overly cautious and was always asking if she was okay because I also remember what it’s like being that age and being on a set. Even when you're nineteen, you’re still vulnerable. I was constantly like, 'Ok, I’m gonna do this now, are you cool with that?' or 'Ok now, you just let me know, speak up.' I think after a while, she was like, '... I’m fine!'

It also helps that we had Sara [Mishara] behind the camera. She’s a genius. I’m obsessed with her. It was wonderful having that extra pair of eyes behind the lens—we knew that we were going to be taking care of. She wasn’t going to be doing anything that would be gratuitous or that was going to exploit us in any way. Any time we veered into that accidentally, we shut it down so fast. We were allowed to look at playback and be like, 'We can’t do this. This doesn’t send a message we want to send, so let’s just stop.' We were careful.

It's good to hear that you had women in so many aspects of the filmmaking process and that it was done with a lot of careful thought. What was the most difficult aspect of filming this?

Anger.

Anger?

Yeah, because I feel like I've worked so hard to not be angry, now it's the hardest emotion to conjure up. You’ve got to go back into the depths of yourself and be like, 'Ok, what really made me mad?' I don’t like it. My least favorite part of my job is whenever I have to be scary or mad or hurt somebody. Who likes doing that? Some people are like 'Oh, it’s so much fun to play the villain,' and I’m like, 'No it’s not! It’s awful!' It was not fun and the first time we did the scene where I came in and I threw her onto the ground, I started to cry.

The first time I did it and I was yelling at her, I was fighting back the tears of regret and fear for her and myself. It was really weird to be on the other side, but it also made me feel like I could bring influence to it. I knew I could sit down with Julia and be like, 'You know, when someone does this to you, you’re too shocked to move.' I feel like I could put my input into it and say, 'When someone does that to you, you are so frozen because you cannot believe it’s happening.' Most people think you would fight back. Well, I mean, some people would, sure, but for the most part, you’re on the floor thinking, 'What is going on?' It’s hard to process this quickly enough to react.

In regards to Westworld, you touched on how it’s been the most challenging thing you’ve ever done and I know you can’t share any spoilers, but how has season two has felt compared to season one in terms of the filming process.

Season one was a walk in the park comparatively. Season two is highly ambitious in terms of the themes and the amount of time for filming. It was like filming ten movies in six months. The schedule was grueling, to say the least. We were also filming out of order this time so a lot of the time, I’d show up and be like, 'What episode is this? What happened right before this? What’s gonna happen right after?' If you tried to keep track you would drive yourself crazy. We did our best. You’re also on horseback and in the cold and you’re risking your life. It’s the Deadliest Catch factor because you do it while riding full speed with no hands and shooting rifles. That was a daily occurrence and you do it like improv almost. You’re given this scene and then you do it.

Wow, oh my god.

But I also think that there is a part of [the producrers] that like us to be completely disarmed—just like the guests in the park. I’m talking about stripping us down to our most primal selves. I have a weird feeling that that’s also why they keep us in the dark. So that we’re our most primal, vulnerable, honest selves and don’t overthink things. I've noticed on the show that, because it’s so complicated and because we care so much about it, it’s really easy to go off and do too much with it. It’s probably better that they give us a little bit by bit.

So you don’t get the whole script at once?

No, we get scripts as they come—sometimes the day before we’re about to shoot. I’ve worked on some scenes from episodes I hadn’t even read. I’ll walk in, and I’m looking around going, 'Ok, I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know why you’re here, I don’t know what that is, or what I’m doing or why I’m covered in blood.' I’d ask, 'Why am I covered in blood?' And they’d say, 'You’ve been through some stuff.' It is quite a new way of working that I don’t think anyone is used to, and at times it’s all crazy, but I think we all secretly love it.

#evan rachel wood #Interviews #out magazine #allure #interview 2018 #westworld #season 2

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dargons-and-virbs · 6 years

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It’s The Little Things, Part 1

James Baker had always been a man of God. Raised in the Pentecostal Church, he became a preacher man just like his father. He had worked hard to ensure that his family, his community, and his country followed God’s law as outlined in the Holy Scriptures.

At the age of 73, he found himself in a hospice bed riddled with cancer. The last words he spoke to his family were “I love you, and I hope to see you with me in the Kingdom of God.” He would pass away that night in his sleep.

He knew that he was dead, but something was wrong. He wasn’t standing in front of the pearly gates, he was standing by his hospital bed, watching his wife and three daughters cry.

He tried to rest a hand on his wife’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort, but nearly fell as his ghostly form passed right through her material body. There was nothing at all he could do to ease their emotional suffering.

Just as he was wondering what was going on, the earth began to shake, though none of the living people seemed to be aware of it. James stared in awe at the depression forming in the floor, cracking the tiles as it grew deeper. All at once, the debris fell through the newly created hole, and seconds later he jumped backward in surprise. A geyser of lava shot up through the hole in the floor, stretching up into infinity.

Ten seconds passed, but James in his total fear would have said it was ten years, before a figure strolled casually out from the pillar of molten rock. James didn’t know the term for what he was looking at beyond “faggot” or “homosexual”, but the young man who had appeared before him was most definitely a twink.

The boy was somewhere around 5’8”, and thin as could be. His hair looked as if it were made of gold, and was trimmed short on the sides. The hair on top was whipped into frenzied, yet somehow perfectly neat waves. He sported black, heart-shaped sunglasses, a black tank top with the word “Daddy” written across the chest in a font that seemed to be melting, a pair of tight fitting skinny jeans, and combat boots. Needless to say, James Baker was without words.

“So you’re Jimmy Jackass, right?” The young man definitely sounded like a flamboyant homosexual- high pitched, sing-songy, and with a slight lisp. James did not answer vocally, only nodding his head in affirmation.

“I know it’s probably a little off putting, me showing up here the way I did. What can I say? I love a production.” With that, he smiled. His perfectly white teeth were just a little too pointed. Definitely not human.

James finally spoke. “What is going on here? Who are you?”

The boy pretended to process James’ words, as if he really had to think about it, before replying, “Well, you’re dead, obviously. And honestly, you should know who I am. I literally showed up in fire and brimstone. You humans are so dumb. I’m Lucifer, bearer of light, the Devil, Satan, Beelzebub, et cetera. You can call me Lu.”

James stood stock still, the expression on his face would have indicated such severe dissociation that his soul left his body if his soul had not literally left his body already. How could this be? He never drank, or smoked, or cursed. He nurtured and cared for his family, never once abusing them. He was loved by his congregation and the food pantry he volunteered with. By all accounts, he had lived his life with the Bible in one hand and his wife’s hand in the other.

Seeing the hopeless expression on the sinner’s face, Lucifer laughed. “You’re probably wondering how you could possibly be meeting me instead of God, right? What could you have done wrong? Well, Jimmy, what you did wrong is looking you in the face.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Even outside of his physical body, his heart was beating at a pace that, were he hooked up to an EEG, it would probably be confused for a-systole. “How could this be my mortal sin?”

Lucifer lowered his head so that his eyes could be seen over the black, heart-shaped sunglasses he was wearing. Never before had James seen the sulphur-yellow eyes of a demon. This was really the Devil, wasn’t it?

“Let me answer your question with a few of my own. Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer verbally. We both know the answers already.”

Lucifer was right. They would know the answers. James didn’t like where this was going at all. He prayed, silently, that this was some kind of test of his faith. He prayed for God to guide him. What James didn’t know is that once a person dies and is to be ferried (or in this case, “fairied”) to Hell, God does the equivalent of blocking your number. God wouldn’t help him, God was going to abandon him.

“Do you believe that the Bible alone contains the perfect moral code? Do you believe that your faith is the one true faith, and that all the non-believers get to meet this gorgeous mug? Do you believe that men are the providers and women belong in the home? Do you believe that even if a woman is raped, the pregnancy throws her into alternating panic and despair from the resulting trauma, then finds out that giving birth will kill her as well as the child, that she should still be denied an abortion? Do you believe that the men and women who fought and died for your country are going to hell just because it isn’t a “Christian Nation” anymore? Do you believe that snakes are evil just ‘cause I supposedly talked a lady into eating a fruit? Do you believe that homosexuals, bisexuals, or any other non-heterosexual individuals are impure and deserve my tender loving care on that basis alone?”

James had to admit that when framed like that, it sounded horrible. But this was Satan. His two talents were convincing people to sin and convincing them they’re sinners, right? He was sure this was a test now.

“Yes,” James replied, trying to rely on the faith that landed him in this situation in the first place, “I do believe those things. The Lord God, the Almighty, Loving Father has said so, and I must believe in His Wisdom, which he shares with us in His Word, the Bible.”

If you’ve ever seen someone choke down a laugh, imagine that but put the Dark Prince, the King of Demons, the most feared being in the place that is literally designed to be painful and scary, doing that. That’ll kill your ego faster than a bullet. James tried not to show it, but already he was falling apart, little by little.

“Wow. I haven’t met one of you yet that had the balls to stand up to me. Then again, I tailor the costume to each of you. It’s the highlight of my day when I get to watch them realize the exact moment in their life that sealed their fate. Yours is gonna be fucking fantastic. How about we play a little game? Get in.”

James was once again flabbergasted when he found the two of them outside the hospital beside a parked candy apple red Mini Cooper, complete with vanity plate: “FLAMING” in a font that looked like, well, fire. Unfortunately for James, no matter how much he consciously tried to stay put, his “body” seemed to have a mind of its own, puppeteering him into a car he could swear he had no business in. He did not like the fuzzy pink everything, he did not like the fact that he was in a car that Lucifer was driving, and he did not like the music about being born whatever way. He could not understand why he couldn’t stop himself from playing along. Had God really forgotten him? (Spoiler Alert: The answer is yes.)

The game, James found out, was to guess your worst offense before you arrive at the check-in desk. If you do, you get an hour to make peace with your fate. If you don’t, he will tell you. And as soon as the weight of your sin hits you the torture begins. He could not possibly have done anything to deserve this. Another test. He wondered what he had to do to pass, and for an instant he wondered if he could.

James did feel he had some kind of advantage in that he could decide what memory he would parrot to Lucifer. “Was it the time I told Momma it was the dog that ate those cookies when I was 9?”

The boyish demon gave a gentle grin and said, “Oh, Jimmy. It would never be something so bland and benign. Guess again.” With that, the road ahead of them cracked and caved, and Satan drove them down the broken road. Strangely enough, the ramp-like section was maybe twenty feet long, maximum, but since they went sub-surface it had somehow stretched into a long highway. All the way down it was scorching desert with sporadic skeletons and the occasional crow. In the distance you can see that the highway leads to what looks like a city on fire.

“How about the time I told Susie Day that I swore I didn’t see anything that time I accidentally walked in on her changing while I was at her brother’s house when I was 13?” Okay, he vaguely remembered that. What made that bad, he wondered? He should have said “I’m sorry that I caused you distress when I accidentally walked in, I know that is very uncomfortable and I want you to know that I never want to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable” instead of “Oh, calm down Susie! I didn’t even see anything!”

The devil, in his twink body, smiled bigger, but he was starting to look different. He was starting to change, but James couldn’t quite pin down what it was.

“Hm. Moved up to ‘caused someone undue emotional stress and then blamed them’ from ‘blame it on the dog’. I like where this is headed. Go fish.”

James didn’t understand why that was bad, but it didn’t matter. He could whip out his childhood white lies for at least a few days, if that’s all he ever did wrong.

“What about when I was 16 and told that girl I loved her so she’d sleep with me? That was a nasty break up.” He wasn’t perfect, he hadn’t really done anything wrong though because she agreed to it, right? Wrong. When he gets a turn in the solitary sensory deprivation pit for a millennium or two he’ll get to realize what was wrong. He had used something he knew someone was vulnerable to in order to get what he wanted. He baited her, deceived her, and manipulated her for selfish gain and something she took more seriously than he did.

Lu’s features were becoming exaggerated. He was morphing into some nightmarish caricature of the fragile looking kid that he had met just minutes ago. The grin was now just too large to be natural, his teeth looked sharper somehow, and James could swear that horns were starting to grow through his hair. He hoped that was it, he might only have one chance, and he was losing faith that this was a test that God wanted him to overcome.

“Excellent use of coercion. You put your needs above others then didn’t you?” The Devil chuckled, and even his laughter had become exaggerated and unnerving. “We’re getting close, Jimmy. This might be your last chance. For the opportunity to collect yourself for one solid hour before we send you off to Damnation Station, what is the most vile thing you’ve ever done?”

James was suddenly aware that it was his steadfastness to his beliefs that got him here. Maybe it wasn’t something he did consciously. How many things could he have done or said that he simply wasn’t aware of? He was doomed, but had one more shot. All or nothing.

“There was the time that I walked right by that nerd that bully was beating up, but I don’t step into fights because I’m a pacifist, and I figured the kid would just get a couple bruises. All I saw was some shoving and a slap or two. I had no idea he was gonna end up with broken bones, but would Jesus have traded blows with a bully?”

The whole world went silent, save for the chilling intake of breath and relaxed sigh of a satisfied monster.

“Actually, yes. He would. And he did a couple times, they just left those bits out. I usually let you all figure these ones out on your own since you’ve got all the time in the world, but this one is gold. You wouldn’t have had to do much. That bully was afraid of you, you were bigger and stronger and the preacher’s son. You could have told him to scram and that nerd would have nothing worse than a slightly puffy cheek and a bruised shoulder. But you didn’t intervene. Your rationale wasn’t even pacifism at the time, you fossil. Your rationale was that your abusive asshole father would beat the piss out of you for getting in the middle of something that didn’t concern you. But- you’re out of time, Jimmy. Good game. Get out.”

They had pulled up to a massive gate of twisted wrought-iron. A huge sign that looked like it was painted with blood that said “Check-In” was pointing to the right side of the gate, where it met with the stone wall reminiscent of gothic cathedrals that surrounded the massive city. As Lu walked him to the desk, there was a spring in his step and he hummed a haunting melody.

At the desk was probably another demon, but this one (as James may or may not find out at some point in the infinite future) was a ghoulish looking Leather Daddy. Complete with leather everything and a sketchy 1970s mustache. As they approached, he greeted them with a deep bow.

“Hello, my Lord. What do you require of me? I will gladly d-“ he was cut off.

“Skip the formalities, Evan. This one didn’t guess. Pull up his file.” He flashed a look at the devastated soul that said the Devil’s favorite moment is finally here. “Baker, James. 73 years old. From BFE.”

Evan looked up from the computer screen (yeah, they have computers, too, it’s the 21st century) with absolute glee in his dead, black eyes. “Shit. I can’t believe I get to witness one this brutal. Thank you, my Lord.”

Without acknowledging his servant’s excitement, Lucifer dove into the monologue that would crush the last bit of hope James Baker had left, the speech that would thrust him into his eternal torment.

To be continued.....

#short story #mine #me #its the little things #series #dargons and virbs #lu #lu stories

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