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entishramblings · 10 months

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Tolkien Characters as things my extended family and I have said on our annual five day bender (pt. 1)

Aragorn: Anything that wants my blood bothers me.

Kili: No cousin wants to see their cousin’s friend’s dick and balls!!!

Legolas: You cannot mount the lama. I’m sorry. You cannnot do it.

Boromir: What is that? Your ass peircing??

Denethor: MINECRAFT. THEY ARE SITTING ON THE PORCH BEING CRIMINALS. M I N E C R A F T.

Samwise: Google potatoes.

Fili: And then she had this unwashed asshole and she wanted him to eat her ass because she really wanted him to eat it, but he never did.

Thranduil: I threw shit at my children. White claws. Dirt. Children.

Merry, seeing Pippin pour beer on his foot: That’s alcohol abuse.

Bombur: I’m a big fan of beans.

Bofur: I’ve got a mattress. I can pretend that someone is under me….and on top of me.

Kili: *rushes Fili into his room* I need to tell you about my bagalini addiction. *pulls out 5 different bags* “You can’t tell Thorin!”

Dwalin, looking at Bilbo: He’s a concerning kind of weird.

Gimli: Hey! ASSHOLE! Come join your friends over there. There’s some sort of orgy happening.

Samwise, spraying an insect eating his plants: fuuuuuuccck youuuuuuuuu

Kili: Uncle Thorin poked me in the butthole.

Gimli, to Gandalf: You look like you have been antiqued.

Frodo: I feel like a shriveled up shrimp.

more parts coming soon!

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quality-street-rat · 1 year

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y/n: Oh no no no no no, not this time buddy.

Kili: ?????

Y/n: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times...it's back to you again.

Fili: That's not how that works.

Y/n, shaking his finger at Kili: Shame. On. You.

#zip it matt #shitpost #lotr #the hobbit #the hobbit shitpost #incorrect the hobbit #incorrect x reader #source: the dragon prince #male reader #kili durin #male y/n

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a-world-of-whimsy-5 · 2 years

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Elves when reading smut fics about them:

Thranduil

Elrond

Haldir

Legolas

ETA: My Mr. Silverlance

#incorrect LOTR #when elves stumble upon smut fics #this is all the shocked faces I could find before laughing like a hyena #Elrond #Thranduil #Legolas #Haldir #Incorrect The Hobbit #prince nuada

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incorrect-lord-of-the-rings · 2 years

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Imagine having a perfect morning. Your days are all in order. You have a wonderful routine and a quiet home in a peaceful countryside neighborhood where you're all alone and completely content. Then one day some random person you met a few times as a kid that you vaguely remember comes to your door and he asks about going on a trip across the world. You, someone with extremely insistent relatives who always try to get you to give in to peer pressure, try to politely tell him that you do not want to go on any adventures and then tell him you're busy, thinking that's the end of it.

Then that night you find out as you go to have your dinner that the weird guy you know vaguely from your childhood has come back and thrown a rave at your house with people you've never met before.

That's the beginning of The Hobbit.

#and then you join him on the adventure #lotr #lord of the rings #lotr meme #incorrect the hobbit #the hobbit meme #the hobbit #bilbo baggins #gandalf

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mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware · 7 months

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#humor #shitpost #pls help #lotr memes #lotr #incorrect lotr quotes #lord of the rings #the lord of the rings #gandalf #jrr tolkien #hobbits #po tay toes

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lithiumseven · 2 years

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Frodo: *stabbed by an immortal blade*

The Hobbits: What do we do Mr. Strider

The Hobbits: *looking to this big scary mountain man so intimidating and mysterious they don’t even know his real name*

Aragorn, truly just some guy at heart: I’m gonna call my dad

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meteors-lotr · 22 days

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Thorin: OW! Bilbo: What happened? Thorin: Nothing, just nicked myself on the blade Bilbo: Aw, here *kisses his finger* Thorin: Why'd you do that? Bilbo: It's a hobbit thing! Kissing booboos makes you feel better! Thorin: -Later- Thorin: Dwalin I need you to punch me in the mouth

#incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect the hobbit quotes #lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #thilbo #bagginshield #dwalin the dwarf

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thethirdtreeofvalinor · 1 year

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elrond sipping his tea: how nice of you to join me for breakfast, thranduil. it’s certainly been a while hasn’t it. you remember bilbo, the hobbit from like seventy years ago? he has a kid now. i know you would just love frodo

thranduil:

thranduil: elrond, where’s my son

#love elrond sending thranduil’s son off without a word of warning #the fellowship of the ring #lotr memes #tolkien #lotr #the lord of the rings #lotr fandom #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #hobbit shitpost #elrond #thranduil #bilbo baggins #frodo baggins

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autistook · 8 days

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Bilbo Baggins as text posts

#lotr #the hobbit #hobbit #bilbo #bilbo baggins #incorrect hobbit quotes #incorrect hobbit #incorrect lotr #lord of the rings #the lord of the rings #bagginshield #baggingshield #an unexpected journey

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silvantransthranduiltrash · 6 months

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Ngl, obsessed with the idea that the questers know that legolas is, if not thousands of years, then centuries old, but it not regestering until he mentions having met their ancestor or a historical figure to them. It doesn’t help that legolas looks like a teenager.

Just like that scene with eowyn realizing aragorn is a legit grandpa but with legolas and the rest of the walkers instead.

Legolas: i never had the pleasure of having a conversation with the man, but from the brief glimpses of (insert boromir’s ancestor from 1000 years ago here) that i saw, he was an honorable man.

Boromir, bluescreening: yes, he was known as quite the chivalrous man. But for you to have met him you must be at least a thousand years old!

Legolas: *clicks tongue and doesn’t say anything with an amused smile*

Aragorn, who has gone through all these emotions already: older.

Gimli: Older?? Are you telling me that this beardless, pointy elf with a face of a teenager is, what? 2000?

Aragorn: more.

Gimli: MORE???

Merry: if he is close to 3000 years than he was probably born around the last war for the ring!

Legolas, enjoying this all immensely: i was old enough to fight in it actually.

Pippin: alright, so legolas is 3000 and a few centuries. That’s a lot older than i thought to be honest. He looked like the youngest elf in rivendale.

Legolas: i’m 4000, actually.

Gimli: GODDAMN IT! I knew we shouldn’t trust these babyfaced point ears! You can’t even tell their age!

Legolas: if it makes you feel better, other elves also have a hard time discerning the age of silvans. They’ve routinely thought of mine to be millenia younger that we actually are.

Boromir, having an existential crisis: what the fuck

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trashcancalicojack · 1 year

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Thorin: Whenever Bilbo is mad at me, I go and tighten the lids on all of our jars so he has to get help from me.

*sound of glass breaking in the background*

Thorin: It hasn't worked yet, but it will happen

#the hobbit #hobbit #thorin company #bagginshield #bilbo baggins #bilbo #thorin #thorin oakenshield #incorrect quotes the hobbit #incorrect quotes

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entishramblings · 10 months

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Bard: *lying down and crying*

Thranduil: There, there. Why don’t you take some time off to not be around me while you’re like this?

#lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #thranduil #bard #Thranduil x bard #lotr memes #lotr meme #the hobbit meme #the hobbit memes #the hobbit shitpost #the hobbit shitposts #th humor #LOTR humor #the hobbit incorrect quotes #incorrect the hobbit #queue you fools!

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quality-street-rat · 1 year

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Bilbo: Let's talk about something nice for once, something to keep our spirits up. What's everyone's happiest memory?

Thorin: The day my sister married.

Fili: When Kili was born.

Kili: When I found my craft.

Dori: The last day I had with my mum.

Nori: Same.

Ori: Me too.

Dwalin: When I learned to properly spin axes for an axe dance.

Balin: The first smile I remember from my mother.

Bifur, signing: *first love*

Bofur, thoughtfully: The first time I Heard the stone.

Bombur: The day my first child was born.

Oin, gruffly: My first memory. Of my mum brushing my hair.

Gloin: Marryin' my wife.

Bilbo: I think mine is when I realized how much my parents really loved me.

*a lengthy silence*

Thorin: Well, good memories all.

Fili: Wait, what about y/n?

*everyone turns to y/n*

Y/n, softly: I don't know.

Bilbo: What do you mean? Just tell us what your happiest memory is.

Y/n: That's just it. I can't remember one.

Fili: You don't have a lot of happy memories, then.

Y/n: No, not really.

Bilbo: Well then we simply must make some good ones!

#zip it matt #lotr #incorrect the hobbit #the hobbit #male y/n #male reader #bilbo baggins #the company of thorin oakenshield

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southfarthing · 1 year

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some of you are clearly forgetting your history... your hobbitstory, if i may... merry brandybuck is THE most organised, efficient, put-together little guy you could ever hope to meet and he is a brave, fierce friend. in lotr he:

notices bilbo seems to have a magic ring and observes him suspiciously for years

puts together the conspirators (merry, pippin, sam, fatty) who gather information about frodo and help him escape the shire quietly

no seriously he does all the planning, logistics, admin - all of it. and this helps them leave as quickly and sneakily as they do

literally follows the nazgul in bree?????? anyone else would run for the hills but our guy is out here snooping on the ringwraiths??

it's merry who focuses on the "speak friend and enter" part of the writing on the doors of moria

feels so wretched at being left behind in rohan while his friends are in danger that he goes against direct orders and sneaks off to war with "dernhelm" (eowyn) even though it scares the hell out of him

STABS THE WITCH KING DESPITE BEING UNDER THE BLACK BREATH

and then literally KEEPS WALKING AROUND. HE SHOULD BE DEAD AT THIS POINT BUT HE'S STILL GOING ON

is one of the main leaders of the uprising against the scouring of the shire and plans the strategy. he himself kills the leader of the ruffians

becomes the master of buckland and is honoured by both the king of rohan and the king of gondor. literal king shit!!!

#saw some extremely incorrect tags about him in that hobbit poll...... peter jackson u will pay for this #merry #merry brandybuck #meriadoc brandybuck #lotr #mp #😤😤😤😤😤

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whispering-about-bagginshield · 16 days

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Thorin: I give up. I am so tired.

Balin: Get the emergency supply!

Dwalin: *carries Bilbo and places him in front of Thorin*

Bilbo: *smiles*

Thorin: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO!

#bagginshield #the hobbit #thilbo #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #incorrect bagginshield #incorrect quotes #incorrect

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fvck-the-patriarchy · 9 months

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Y/n: Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Legolas: Even better!

Y/n: What the fuck did you-

Legolas: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

#lotr incorrect quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #lotr x reader #lotr x y/n #lord of the rings #legolas #legolas x reader #legolas x you #incorrect the hobbit quotes #the hobbit x reader

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