#imagine having such a healthy and loving relationship with someone and the only person you can think of is KYLE GAZ GARRICK
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NFWMB.
PAIRING: bang chan x female!reader
TAGS: protective chan, idol!chan, non-idol!reader, established relationship.
WORD COUNT: 1945
PROMPT: person a gets into a heated argument with someone. person b starts threatening them, so person a picks up person b and carries/drags them out of the room before anyone gets hurt.
warnings: what the prompt says, lol — arguments (not between chan and reader). very very minor violence (arm grabbed), bruising, swearing. Let me know if I missed a warning.
author's note: well, baby's first post. I really hope someone likes this ? my goal is to participate in nanowrimo in my own way so expect weekly posts from yours truly. I was nervous about what to write about bc of it being my first post but I needed to write something or I'd never do it. starting with chan feels right, though I wish I can get to write more fluff soon 😭 this was fun tho! I really like protective and possessive chan<3
You didn’t intend for him to hear. Mostly, because you thought you could handle things on your own, but also because you knew it would somehow end up like this.
You have been visiting the building where the boys work for as long as you remember being in their lives. It’s not your fault, given that they spend almost every waking moment there, working. And the one whose time was taken the most by it happened to be your boyfriend. It was a Saturday and he was working, which wasn’t uncommon, but it also wasn’t healthy. You let it slide sometimes, when you knew time was pressing on him and he needed to be there, for his own peace of mind. But everything was ready for the comeback, there was absolutely no reason for him to spend his weekend locked up in that so-familiar room.
So, you did the only logical thing: went there to drag him out, knowing only you where capable of doing so. No amount of puppy eyes from his kids could do what you could with just asking — you were his girlfriend, after all, it was expected that he’d have a soft spot for you.
You felt the problems creeping on you as soon as you stepped foot in the building. There were new people there, new workers. You hated when new staff started working, because they were still too nosy, and because they would ask too many question, some of which you wouldn’t be able to answer without one of the boys by your side to prove your credibility. It was okay, though, you could only imagine how many girls could go to the front desk and claim what was your truth — “I’m looking for my boyfriend”.
Luckily, the girl at the front desk, Sun Hee, already knew you. She only smiled at you when she saw you enter the building, and her tired smile should’ve been warning enough. You walked to her with a matching smile of your own, she knew you were there to pick up a overworking boyfriend, but you still needed to sign your name in the records.
“hi, lovely! what’s got you tired today?” you asked, curiosity so strong you couldn’t help asking.
“new staff’s first weekend. sometimes I wonder how they got hired in the first place”, she answers truthfully, sighing. She sends you a look you know it’s a warning — beware, idiots walking around feeling entitled!
You sigh, too. That’s going to be troublesome, especially today.
“hope I don’t get to met them today, at least until I find Chan. The boys didn’t warn me, or I would have brought one of them with me”
She showed a sympathetic smile, nodding.
“Prince charming is on studio 3, same as always”, she rolls her eyes playfully.
It says something about your overachieving boyfriend that not only the staff knows where he is all the time, but also that you have almost made friends with said staff. God, you needed to convince him to spend less time working.
After thaking Sun Hee and promising to chat more later, you walked to the elevator, setting to find Chan. You could amost picture him — black hoodie, black beanie hiding his messy curls, and headphones in. You smiled at the image in your head, a much too familiar one, one you loved so much.
Smile still present in your face, you stepped out of the elevator on the corresponding floor, checking different doors that had lights on. You were here to pick up Chan, yes, but you didn’t rule out finding Hyunjin or Felix overworking themselves too. The blondes were quick to follow their leader to the building any day, claiming they always “needed” the extra practice. Jeongin would be just as annoying as they were to you, if it wasn’t for his baby status, which meant everyone took a little more care of him (Minho more than anyone, checking that the boy didn’t overwork himself regularly).
Of course, checking every room as if you didn’t know where you were going to may have looked suspicious, you will give the man that. You were glad he was doing his job, just — well, maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe he was.
“Excuse me, miss, who are you and where are you going?” He was at least 30 cm taller than you, and he was almost as buff as Changbin. You weren’t intimidated at first, you knew your presence had been cleared for, you had a right to be there, and you had got through the entrance desk, so he must know you were allowed there, right? Maybe he was just trying to help.
“Oh, hi! I’m Y/N. I’m looking for my boyfriend and checking to see if one of his friends is here as well”, you explained.
He stepped closer, almost invading your personal space. You took two steps back.
“Who are you looking for?”, he was eyeing you as if you were suspicious, a threat even. You, who was dressed in a skirt and probably looked like a mouse next to him.
“My boyfriend”, you repeated, “Christopher Bang Chan. He is in one of those studio rooms”, you added matter-of-factly.
“Ma’am, I’m going to have to escort you outside. You shouldn’t be here.” The man said, loudly, like he wanted to be heard. Ah, you thought, he is one of the new ones. It was common, you have seen it happen one too many times — new staff is always trying to prove themselves as good.
You smiled, though you were a little intimidated now. After all, you were alone in a hallway with the man who kept getting closer.
“Why is that? I am allowed here”, you tried to keep calm.
“Look, I don’t know how you passed the front desk, but fans should not be inside the building!”, the man yelled at you, his arm reaching out until he could take you by the wrist, his hold tight enough to bruise.
“Hey! You’re hurting me, stop it. Let me go!” You started struggling, trying to force your arm out of the man’s hold.
“Stop fighting or I’ll call security”, he threatened. You were about to tell him to do so, you’d wait by him until security came there and showed the man that your info was in the system and you were, actually, allowed there. You didn’t get a chance, though, for your boyfriend’s voice reached your ears as soon as the man stopped talking.
“You let her go or I’ll call security myself”, Chan’s voice showed his anger, and as he got closer you saw the determined look in his eyes that made you worry a little. You didn’t doubt Chan was capable of hitting the man if he didn’t let you go right now.
The man, apparently, didn’t notice that, for he did not let go of your wrist.
“I’m so sorry, sir, I’ll have her removed from the building immediately, I don’t know how she got inside.” He was tugging at your wrist, to which you kept quiet. If you expressed how much it hurt, the situation could escalate more than you wanted it to.
“She got inside because she’s allowed to. Now, I said: let her go.” Chan’s voice was ice cold, almost spitting the words at the man’s face. Finally, your arm was free, and you rushed to take your own wrist so as to cover the red marks, evidence of the strong hold the man had on you.
“Why doesn’t she have a pass, then?”
“She doesn’t need one because she’s not a guest. Did you even care to ask about that or check the system? You know, that type of irresponsible behaviour could get you fired — you can’t just go around the building threatening and grabbing people by force!” Chan’s voice got louder near the end.
“It’s okay”, you quipped, putting a hand in Chan’s chest as an attempt to calm him down. He was protective, you knew as much, but he was also a lovely person who you knew didn’t want to get anyone fired. Still, you knew he’d do something like that for you if you asked for it.
That was a wrong move, apparently, because it meant letting him see the marks on your arm.
“what the fuck?” his words were whispered, but it was obvious the anger that came with them. “Man, what is wrong with you? You should have checked before bruising her arm like that! What gives you the right to decide who is and isn’t allowed here?! That’s the front desk’s job, if she’s on the fucking third floor, then I think it’s fucking obvious she passed security. I need your name for I will have to file a complaint about this, grabbing someone like this is violent and no excuse of security can make it right because you are not supposed to even touch here — if you think she is not allowed here, you call security, you do not bruise my girlfriend’s arm.”
Chan’s voice is loud, and he is so close to the man you could tell it is some kind of threat, or maybe show of strenght. The man’s jaw was tense, as if he was ready to argue with the idol himself. You looked around the hallway, not knowing what to do or how to stop this. The man that had grabbed your arm clearly felt too entitled for his own good, and you worried that he might try to turn things physical.
Lucky for you, he didn’t even get a chance to answer before you heard a door open and close quickly, someone rushing out of one of the practice rooms.
You think you have never been happier of seeing the freckles in Felix’s face.
“Chan, everything okay?” sunshine boy asked, putting his arm around you as soon as he was close enough. His voice seemed to get Chan out of whatever state he was in, for he took a few steps back, still not breaking eye contact with the other man.
“Yeah, this dude just grabbed y/n’s arm and bruised her wrist because it’s apparently his first week here and he already feels too entitled.”
Felix looks at you, looking for something in your eyes, before getting closer to his friend.
“Okay, let’s go grab our things and go home to see if she needs to put some ice on her wrist”. He doesn’t let Chan answer before taking his hand with his smaller one, intertwining his fingers and almost dragging him out of there. You’re quick behind them, taking Chan’s other hand to give him some peace of mind.
Felix looks back at you and you smile in thanks. You know your boyfriend is way too protective, but a situation like this had never happened before. It’s good to know he’d do anything to defend you, but you still didn’t want him to get in a physical fight in his workplace.
“Don’t you dare think this gets any of you out of the hook for working on one of your free days, boys.” You reprimand them, hands still intertwined while entering the studio. Chan’s calmer now, his cheeks blushed with what you guess is something akin to embarrassement; you know he doesn’t like getting like this, but sometimes his emotions overpower him. You kiss his cheek, deciding to not comment on the subject until he does so himself. After all, you achieved what you came here to do — collect whichever stray kid had wandered their way to work on a weekend and get them home.
#✿ . . cami writes#skz x reader#skz imagines#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#stray kids x y/n#stray kids x you#stray kids scenarios#bang chan#bang chan x reader#bang chan x y/n#bang chan x female reader
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💕Astro notes🏹
☁️Capricorns and Taurus always set limits for themselves in the sense that when they decide something, they stick to it and that's how it is. They stick to certain things because they are determined.
✨Mars in fire sign in 12th -u do so many risky and fearful things but this is good for you. The more you do the things you fear, the better you feel. Many times I also notice that people who have mars in the 12th house can manifest pain or something about their appearance, in the sense that they go to get tattooed and they won't be in pain.
🥂You truly got to know someone who has Capricorn rising when you see them like three,four maybe five times. They are very secretive people and do not like to share many things about themselves. Intimacy it's a big thing for them they will not get intimate with people who they are not comfortable with.
🍸People who has pluto in their 3rd house are obsseded with cars. Also because pluto shows your obsession you can also have obsessive thoughts or obsessively thinking about someone.
⚡️People who has capricorn placements in particular (mercury, venus & mars) are big car lovers. They know a lot about them and talk a lot about them. They always have some business of their own, which includes some things related to cars. I don't know why but a lot of people with these signs drive or love BMWs haha.
❤️🔥People who have Venus in Leo or Sagittarius are very passionate people. They do everything they do with passion. They cannot imagine love without passion.
🌙Chiron Sextile Ascendant-you can easily find support in comunuty. Your tramums can be public or you share them with public.
🦋Uranus in 1st house makes people very special, different and interesting. And people always remember you even if they only see you once. Many times I notice that these people cannot be compared to anyone because their beauty is so unique. Many times I notice that people are jealous of them because of this.
💘The sign you have in the 8th house is the sign that will stalk you the most on social networks or in general. And it's also the sign that's most obsessed with you. All the planets that the person has in this sign will indicate that the person is obsessed with you or wants to have you for themselves.
🐚The most spiritual connection u will have with the sign in your 12th house. You can receive the most empathy and warm advice from this sign.
🍦Zodiac signs that love to eat are cancer, taurus, leos, sagittarius( they will really enjoy the food). They will always make time for good things. Meanwhile, I notice that people who have Virgo, Capricorn, Aries, Libra, Aquarius don't take time to eat or eat something small. They don't put much on food or things like that. Especially if they are surrounded by work.
🌌Having a north node in Scorpio means your life journey is all about learning to accept that change is constant. North node in virgo represents a point in your natal chart that signifies your soul's evolutionary path and the lessons you are meant to learn in this lifetime. These people are creative, artistic, sensitive, spiritual. North node in sagittarius means that in your lifetime you're meant to find your fate ,your believing system & your true meaning in this life and also growth.
📀The most healthy sign to hang out with is sign u have in your 9th house. Because the sign in this house represents everything you can learn, how you can grow into a better person. You will always have an honest and direct relationship with this person.
💡You would only understand people with first house placements if you also have them. Because if you don't have 1st house placements you will have hard time being with these people cuz people with first house placements have this confidence, can be little selfish or do things in a more selfish way. They are unbothered about a lot of things. And they can easily express themselves. And when you don't have 1st first placements it is harder for you to find compatibility with them.
🫧People with second house placements know their true value. Always when I'm around with these people it feels like I know that they value themselves & things around them. When I'm with them, I feel that they really appreciate me and somehow they will never invite me to some cheap place, but there will always be something beautiful and luxurious. I feel appreciated by them.
🌊🔥People with fire/water placements are very passionate, emotional, intense. Water is always getting into emotions seeing things for emotional side & they can quickly feel things through emotions. And fire is a about passion,anger and about doing. They will not be just emotional ,they will be angry emotional(crying out of anger) also they can do some really crazy things -sometimes I feel like they black out and when they are angry they are completely different person is like they got blinded by the anger. They can also be emotionally impulsive.
-Rebekah📀☁️🫧💘
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Who is in love with you +why?🧸🍑🌸♡
(Pick a card/Tarot love reading)
Hellooo it's Lunadream💌 I will show you right now who is currently in love with you and what made them so!
hope you find your message🌸💫
Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3
(Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)
Now, shall we begin~? ^w^
Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🍂💗
Pile 1🌸
Pile 2🍮
Pile 3🤍
Pile 4🎃
Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡
On to the readings —> 💕
Pile 1🌸
Sign energy: School, Heir, Sloth, Sleep, Care-taker, Sun, Venus, 12th house, 6th house, Taurus, 🛩🌹🖤🐭
🧸Your energy: Hellooo my pile 1's are very cute >w< The dreamy type, loves to take cat naps. May have venus in 12th house or taurus in 6th. I'm seeing a youthful appearance for this pile, you take good care of yourself and often engage in skin-care routines, healthy diet, ect. Make yourself very beautiful naturally💗 You have a feminine aura about you, very soft and angelic. You are very quiet at times and may seem half-asleep due to your peaceful nature. You have such calming vibes, very pleasant and beautiful. I feel like this pile have many suitors or perhaps secret admirers you aren't aware of!! I'm getting royalty from another country/land vibes~ may be a descendant of royalty or simply lots of money, the kind rich girl/boy in your social setting.🛍 Some of you are/were very popular in school. Genuine sunshine vibes <3 You just have such a sweet shining appearance, and your personality is like a little flower so graceful and delicate.🌻 Taurus, Libra, Leo, Pisces, Virgo are signs for my pile 1. You could have venus in Pisces or Taurus/Libra. You may be into the color black or feel drawn to people who wear black, like the dark to your light aesthetic kind of thing~☯💗 You love romance and dream of it often, love daydreaming and drifting off to sleep as you imagine the perfect love story. Cinderella vibes♡ Some could be year of the rat or have a pet mouse/rat.
🍑Who is in love with you: Scratch, Accident, Privacy, Rose colored lenses, 8th house, Cancer, Saturn, Taurus, Capricorn, 5th house, 🤗📌🏖⁉️
Alright my pile 1's this is someone you may know already!! Such secret admirer/hidden crush vibes rn💞 This person has a lot of scorpio/plutonian energy, very intense. Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus and Leo placements, they definitely have Scorpio somewhere in their inner planets. Their aura is magnetic and mysterious and almost dangerous in a sense. They are very private and keep to themselves, they avoid huge crowds and parties, they prefer to be alone.👤 They like being in the comfort of their own home, doing their hobbies and things they enjoy all by themselves. This person likes feeling safe, in a quiet environment, and doing whatever they want. I'm getting that they like going to the beach at night lol. They may have injuries or scars, might have glasses due to eye sight issues and this could be contact lenses aswell. They have restricted themselves from romance for a long time, they just spend time alone because they don't trust or believe in having a relationship with someone, they are hesitant to give it a try. So they just stick to themselves and do most activities alone.☹💔 They tell themselves that they don't need anyone, loner mentality. They may have had past experiences believing in love and seeing everything through rose-colored lenses and it ended terribly for them and it stabbed them in the back, leaving them with trust issues and resentment for having any sort of bond with another person. :( I'm seeing a slow warming up to my pile 1 as they finally start to fall into love again when they look at you, it's like their world is being shown in color, reminds me of the wizard of oz...😩😫💌💞 and they're like "tf is this?!?! What am I feeling rn?? Is this love?!!!"⁉️💗
🧁Why they love you: Trust, My love, Mouth, Drama, Name, Water, Capricorn, Cancer, Eros, Earth, 🆕️🟪👎📸
Okaaay I'm sensing a situation right now, you guys definitely stepped into this person's life and they were like 😳🤯🎆 It just hit them, and like this person has a lot of drama around them. So much crap they deal with and you just came in and I feel like you stuck up for this person lmao I feel like pile 1 just finally stood up for this person and just 🤚 to all those who were stirring up drama for this person💀 I feel like you were there for them when they needed it, and when everyone didn't even care about this person and you stepped in and said the truth, you said what needed to he said and your person LOVES you for that just know my pile 1 like omg they find it so attractive and just so empowering.😍😫✊ They felt like they finally found someone genuine, someone they could trust. And it made them so emotional too they felt like they could open up finally, like a new beginning for them.♡ They feel so safe with you by their side, and omg your name is a huge turn on for them btw they love your name and love saying it (and other ways too...😳) They love how compassionate you are to them and everyone who needs it💗 You ground them, and they feel so secure with you. The biggest reason they love you is because of how safe you make them feel and how much they trust you because they trust you a lot my pile 1's and this person does NOT trust easily I'll tell you that.😩 They love how you care so much for others, they know you have a big heart and this attracts them to you even more!!
💌Messages from your person: Tell me your secrets, You don't owe me anything, I wanna marry you, You keep doing this, I know your secret (What is the secret pile 1??? They're so serious about you!!🥺💍💖)
Extra cards: Unheard, Mystery, Attraction, Pain, Hobby, North node, Leo, Venus, Gemini, 7th house (Literally they see a future in love/partnership with you the cards speak for themselves you guys!!)
Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the blossom emoji~🌸 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀
Pile 2🍮
Sign energy: Chest, Purple, Emotions, Passion, Stage, 3rd house, Eros, Mars, Virgo, Moon, 🔮📵🎤🛸
🧸Your energy: Heyyy we have a pretty person in this pile!! Your energy is radiating I'm getting lots of Virgo, possibly Gemini, also Aries/Scorpio and Cancer for you guys. Okay so let's see I'm getting really spiritual and uplifting vibes from my pile 2's, you are so emotional and that's what makes you so beautiful🥺💖 Singing/performing may be your passion, or you may really have a thing for music. I'm seeing lots of devotion to music like I'm hearing it's your life omg, You have a lot on your mind, and you think and feel a LOT too. You are at a point in your life where you are very self critical and strive for the best, you are willing to do anything for what you love, including love itself. My pile 2 is very protective over their heart and you guys are not letting it get broken, you have an amazing talent for speaking for your feelings. Your playlists say more about you than you ever could😂😭 You love comforting voices/asmr. I feel like you have really soothing voice aswell <3 You have a lot you stress about when it comes to relationships, my pile 2 should just have more trust in themselves, trust the process take it slow and be open to recieving love because you guys deserve it and it anyone can be loved it's pile 2.🥰⭐ You have a passionate mind and spirit and you put a lot of energy into everything you do, if I could give your brain a hug I would lol it sounds so funny🤣🤣 but seriously, take care of yourself and your mind because you tend to overthink and over feel a lot🥺👌💓
🍑Who is in love with you: Yandere, Winter, Chase, Love letter, Height, Capricorn, Vertex, 6th house, Mars, Uranus,🤙😒🐈🍓
Wow... just wow this is quite the person in love with my pile 2's... where do I even start-😫🤯 Okay you guys this person is really into you I mean REALLY into you... the vibe is just almost suffocating with this person's feelings towards you. Yandere is coming through so yeah they've got extreme ride or die feelings for you guys. Virgo, Capricorn, Aries/Scorpio and Aquarius could be in this person's chart. They could be above average height or have a strange height. They are most likely taller than you, they often tower over you or stand next to you in a way that asserts dominance so to speak. This person is someone you see often, they could be a co-worker/classmate or such. They could be born in winter so Capricorn and Aquarius are likely signs for them, also you may have met this person during winter. They are head over heels for my pile 2's and definitely very into them romantically, they are very masculine by nature and act that way toward you. They express their love in a more assertive/forward manner to you. I'm getting kabedons, grabbing your wrists and chasing you down lmao this person is so into you for real. They may send you love letters often or even daily. They are super committed to you and a little clingy too, huge simp vibes🤭💌
🧁Why they love you: Intuition, Toy, Careless, Flirt, Honest, Taurus, Fire, Air, Venus, Pluto, 🐚🤲🏖🌪
They love you because of how genuine, honest and true you are to yourself and others. They are actually obsessed with this aspect of you and the way you are truly yourself. They really went with their gut and just fell into loving you my pile 2's lol this person can actually be pretty quick to fall in love I'm getting. They don't think things through and just let their feelings take over🤭 They love your feminine energy and passionate nature. Honestly this person can't get enough of you😍😭 They are in love with how you show your emotions and how strong and sensible you are with them (even if you don't think so <3). This person may have started to fall for you after being flirted with/flirting with you. For some of you there may have been a very subtle flirting but they took it so so so serious and now they're like, obsessed with you🙃 Lol they love how you speak and your voice made them fall in their seat lmaooo they love how comforting and sweet you are. And that little spark within you that always keeps you going, they really love that about you.❤ They might have realized how cool you are and just brush things off not letting it effect you all that deeply. I'm getting for the most part this person just really enjoys the chase with you and is in love with obsessing over you guys🤣 Watch out cuz just because someone loves you doesn't mean they're "the one" (be careful pile 2 I'm getting some really unhealthy obsession vibes from this person with you and this could even be someone who finds you easy to manipulate/control so always trust your own judgement!!) They got really into your giving energy/soft aura and now they're hooked.
💌Messages from your person: Stop thinking about me, Stop ignoring me, I can't hide it from you, Am I perfect for you? You can't hide your feelings for me (They are definitely thinking about you rn)
Extra cards: Society, Amusement park, Luck, Words, Favor, 6th house, Pisces, Chiron, Gemini, Sun
Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the flan emoji~🍮 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀
Pile 3🤍
Sign energy: December, Feelings, Seduction, Feet, Caution, Taurus, Neptune, Water, Venus, Moon,
🌇🔚📿🧍♀️
🧸Your energy: Feminine aura is prominent in this pile, I'm getting alluring siren beauty vibes🔱🖤 Such powerful seductive qualities and you guys are so attractive😫💋 May have Taurus in 12th house so Aries rising is likely. May have venus in water sign (Cancer/Scorpio/Pisces) or Venus conjunct moon placement. Some of you could love winter or winter clothing, could be born in winter specifically december. You are very charming and beautiful, ahh I am loving the vibe of this pile🥰 You are very cautious of love, it both intrigues you and scares you at the same time. You may worry about sharing your emotions so closely with another person, or wearing your heart on your sleeve. You have a heavy heart and a very fragile one, you know this so you keep it safe and guarded at all times. You don't open up from fear of being vulnerable which has led to you seeming cold or apathetic, but you do feel emotions quite strongly actually. You have a soft imagination and you wish to be beautiful (spoiler: you already are😇). You feel as if love purposely trips you making you fall harder than you would have liked. You may live in the city or love watching sunsets, you love when the sun sets and the moon rises. Jewelry looks great on you, pearls and onyx probably looks godly on you🥺🖤 Some of you are a bit of a loner type, waiting for someone to step in and say "hey why are you alone? You look too gorgeous to be all by yourself"😫😩😭💞 Omg I hope that's the person who loves my pile 3 lmaoooo
🍑Who is in love with you: Affection, High standards, Blame, Hug, Socialization, 3rd house, Lilith, 12th house, Sagittarius, Fire, ☀️🤐🤵☄
OMG I'm sensing a hot couple with you two JUST SAYING😭🥵 Omg we haven't even started yet I need to calm down!!! They got that look about them omg... they're really popular and liked by so many people it's like, who doesn't like them?! Wide smile, messy hair, dangerous eyes...💀 Omg pile 3 why am I freaking out so much this is great- Their voice makes you high that's what I'm hearing LMAO you wanna hate them but then you can't omg I'm hearing this persons a catch like others would KILL to date this person...🤯 This person lights up the room I mean set it on fire🔥 They have a way with words, and omg they have a knack for telling dirty jokes at parties and like they're so smooth about it-😳 I'm just gonna say it this person is probably really hot my pile 3 the person in love with you is HOT. But you wanna know what?? The worst part of all is they just wanna give you a hug!! They don't want a wild night or some naughty crap they just want to make you smile😭😭😭 They seem like a bad boy/girl but for you they're so sweet I can't...💓 They just wanna make you laugh and talk about your interests. They find you so amusing and exciting to be around, some of you may have a bad impression of this person. So you could be really on the fence about them, or shutting them out completely because you think they're bad news. I'm hearing "don't blame me" you may blame them for some reason!! They could be someone you like and blame them for your feelings😝💕
🧁Why they love you: Past, Magnetic, Acceptance, Passion, Dare, Chiron, Scorpio, North node, Pisces, 2nd house, 😭⁉️😟🦥
Awww I feel like they saw you and was like 🥺!! Like when you see a little cat on the street and you just melt😫💓 I'm getting fast attraction vibes with this one, this person probably fell quick for my pile 3's. I feel like they were like "wow who's this hottie?" Or something like that omg just like such raw passion🥴🔥🧲 Mars in 1st house overlay vibes~ It could have been a dare from their friends to try and win you over, but they just fell deeper in love with you😍 I feel like it was first physical attraction that led them to seeking more about you, then once they saw the deeper shades of your heart they felt even more inclined to love you!! They love your magnetic aura and how you're healing yourself from damaged emotions. They think you're so strong and your endurance is very attractive to them, they have much passion and respect for my pile 3 and just overall so much love!❤ They want to he that shoulder to cry on when you finally open up to them, and they love the true you, the emotional and vulnerable you. They love your chaotic little mind, they also really fall in love with you when you cry. It makes them feel drawn to protect and be there for you, to experience everything you are feeling. They're the type to put themselves in your shoes, just so they know exactly how you feel. They love watching you grow and heal, and transform into the the strongest most powerful person you can be.🤧🖤
💌Messages from your person: Sing to me, I thought it was all in my head, Focus on me, I wanna kiss your neck, You make me so happy (Ahhh so cute😍❤)
Extra cards: Angel, Out, Cafe, Girlfriend, Innocence, South node, 11th house, Scorpio, Leo, Fire (My pile 3 they wanna ask you out on a date <3)
Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the white heart emoji~🤍 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀
Pile 4🎃
Sign energy: Accusation, Admiration, Fear, Company, Fit, Gemini, Lilith, 9th house, 5th house, Saturn,🧚♀️🌇✌🦋
🧸Your energy: You give ethereal fairy/pixie vibes, you probably dreamed of becoming an air pilot as a kid😆 You enjoy having people over in your home. You felt restricted in your early years by others, so you admire those who can live freely and live in chaos and fun. You desire change in your life and all you want to to have a good time, others have tried to dampen your fun and good vibes. For some you may have had an older sibling that got on to you a lot, or told you to be more responsible😞 Could have been told you don't fit in with your family, because you are different. But my pile 4 you are so special, you are like a fairy!!😉 So magical and joyful~ you are a child at heart no matter the age, and you probably believe in fairytales at least a little🤏😇💫 You have changed a lot over the years and learned so much, you have many role models. Your child-like nature is both a blessing and a curse, many people hated you for being so light and joyful. But so many people love this about you, those who gave you a hard time felt bad that they couldn't face life as bright and care-free as you do. You truly are a gift to this world⭐
🍑Who is in love with you: Ability, Inactivity, Change, Soft spot, Friends, 2nd house, 8th house, Moon, Uranus, Chiron, 💄🤹♂️🌻😚
Omggg this is someone you know pile 4, this could be your best friend or a friend of yours. Could be friends of friends also, lgbtq+ vibes with this person, they could totally be a friend that has a secret crush on you!!🙊 This could be a childhood friend, perhaps someone who always cared for you all along. They are deeply in love with you pile 4 and they are so delicate with you, the way they speak is like a flower so calming and still. Could be Cancer, Taurus, Scorpio or Aquarius placements. I just realized the juggling emoji with the rainbow so that's another confirmation for any lgbtq+ in this pile :D This person loves you in such a pure adorable way, they light up when you smile. And they have the means to truly heal you my lovely pile 4, I mean they could really treat you well. They want to take care of you and probably always did/do.💝 I'm getting that if this is a childhood friend situation that they always cared for you like tend to your injuries, gave you bandaids, shared their lunch, honestly so sweet😭🥺💗🩹 You guys may not have a label for your relationship or it could be very confusing for you both, "are we friends? Do they like me? What are we??" What I'm hearing. This is a very emotional and empathetic native, they are so involved in your comfort and care. They want to check up on you a lot and ask if you're okay <3 This person is genuinely out for your best interest.
🧁Why they love you: Think outside the box, Devotion, Practical, Capricorn, Happiness, Earth, Scorpio, 5th house, 9th house, Saturn, 🌅🧤🎓🗻
I think they realized how smart and capable you are and just how you showed everyone that you aren't childish in a bad way and can actually achieve whatever you put your mind to.🤗 This person is in love with your perseverance and dedication for the things you care about, they love your care-free and fun yet able mentality. They especially love how dedicated you are to being happy and creating your own happiness, that really makes them fall in love💘 They find your mind so interesting and unlike any other, your ideas and beliefs are so unique and innovative to them. You are their little box of happiness awww and they wanna take you with them everywhere they go🥺 They think you're really smart and you never stop amazing them. Every little thing you do inspires this person, and makes them fall deeper in love with you. I feel like they try to think rationally about their feelings for you, because they wanna be thoughtful and rational just like you can be. But of course you make them so emotional and just so many feelings are ignited within this person for you. They love your success and all that you have achieved with your will. They are in awe with the things you do and say, your happiness makes them feel safe. They fell in love with your bright eyes and strong personality.🌈
💌Messages from your person: Cheer for me, No one makes me feel this way, It's karma, I have no boundaries with you, I've changed (I feel like you've inspired this person to keep going and stay strong!! You have shown this person how to be strong and believe in themselves and they honestly adore you for that🥺💓)
Extra cards: Show, Interpretation, Sight, Conflict, Softie, Pluto, Jupiter, Neptune, Vertex, Sun
Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💫🌸
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the pumpkin emoji~🎃 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💗🌸💗🌸🎀
Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸
Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌
-Lunadream <3
#love reading#pick a pile#daily tarot#astrology reading#pick a photo#pac reading#tarot pick a card#love tarot reading#free tarot#tarot#love pac#tarot pac#tarot readings#tarot love#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#pick a picture#pick a card reading#pick a card#astrology readings
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#2 Astrology Observations
Juno-Chiron conjunction isn't always healing. In fact, i tend to find this in couples where they stay in the relationship for a very long time but the whole time, the relationship is very emotionally abusive
People with Pluto dominants are naturally suspicious of others, but it's not like they have bad intentions towards others. They naturally will try to find as much informations as possible about you if they really like you to determine if you're a safe person or not. Pluto, although people often will see their dark sides, is a water sign after all. They are very protective of their inner world and emotions
Another thing with Pluto dominant people is that they can feel easily insecure with themselves. They don't show it to others directly, but this is how they get that jealous streak. If they feel like someone might replace them or overpower them in anyway, they will feel like they need to defend themselves, whether in career, relationship, etc. If this is undeveloped, they can even get jealous or competitive with their own partner. This doesn't always mean a bad thing, however, the healthy Pluto dominants are actually very powerful and they are very sure of themselves, not easily swayed by anything. Pluto is fixed energy, after all. If developed, they will be so powerful and people naturally feel so inspired by them. They know not to mess with them
Cancer woman have that timeless beauty about them, they can rock any styles from any era and they will look good
I personally don't like Neptune-Sun or Neptune-Ascendant aspects in synastry because the Neptune person tend to project certain fantasy onto the Sun/Ascendant person so much and when the reality hits them, they get so disappointed that they will blame the Sun/Ascendant person for "fooling them". But really, it's an unconscious thing. The Sun/Ascendant person oftentimes don't even realise that they're being so idealised
The water signs are so sexualised
I find immature Capricorns and Taurus are the people who will stay in emotionally toxic environment as long as there's money. It could be a job, toxic household, or even relationship. Like i get it, everyone love money, but it can be so emotionally and mentally draining. When they mature, they will see money more as a tool that they get to use, instead of something that they hold on to so tightly that they are willing to sacrifice their own wellbeing for
People with North node in Libra truly need to learn to compromise because i've met a lot of them who burn a lot of bridges, only to later regret it. They are so competitive and defensive and very hard to see that others are not out to get them
Mars-North node synastry can be so healing where the Mars person will show the North node person what healthy boundaries should look like. However, there might be issue where the North node person can see how different they both are when they respond to conflict, which might make themselves feel so frustrated. Their instinct will tell them to do one thing, and the Mars person will do the exact opposite
Libra Ascendant in composite will make other people perceived them as the "It" couple. This is like "Ah, they have found their soulmate". Even if they break up, people generally will be reluctant to let go of this couple. This is like your family/friends will continue to ask you about that one ex even after you guys break up for years
Taurus/Cancer moon in composite is so cute because this is like "I'll cook for you" or "I'll wait for you at home" or "I've prepared this meal for you" or "Come here and let me comfort you" type of vibe. This feels so safe and healing, like coming home. This also make other people see them like "Person A is belong to person B no matter what, only they can truly understand each other"
Capricorn placement are the true stoics even without trying. They are so resilient
Neptune in 4th house composite is that type of couple who often imagine what their “dream home” would look like even before they get married, even if they don’t plan to take the relationship seriously in the beginning. When they’re together, both will see each other as someone that they can create their dream home with. An example for this would be that one might have express something about wanting to buy a house in X city, and the other will start to imagine what the house would look like, the neighbourhood, the room for the kids, etc. Both would love the idea of this. But that’s the thing with Neptune, it’s a mere idea. In reality, both might even struggle in making this dream home come true. It's hard to put together proper plan to achieve this "dream home". However, the couple will naturally feel at home with each other, emotionally and spiritually. That’s why it’s so easy for them to imagine creating this dream home together
I find that Virgo woman are a lot of ambitious than Virgo man. A lot more critical too. Most Virgo man that i’ve met are very chill
One of my favorite aspect in synastry and composite is Pallas-Moon. Both feel nurtured and the Moon person emotional needs is fulfilled
Vertex conjunct Chiron couple mostly are destined to meet in this lifetime to learn something really hard regarding love. If one happens to have the same sign in natal chart as in composite/synastry, this will effect this person more. For example, if you have Vertex-Chiron in Libra in composite or synastry with someone and it's just so happen that you also have Libra Chiron in your natal, it'll effect you more. I'm sorry but this is definitely not my fav aspect. The mental and emotional anguish that comes with this aspect is too much. If this also conjunct Juno, it'll be so hard to leave the other person. There'll be re-traumatization again and again. You will hate their guts so much and vice versa but refused to let go of each other.
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aspects/placements i love (and hate!) in my chart pt. 1
[astro notes no. 003]
hey y’all! i felt like going through some of my personal aspects/placements and describing the “positive” and “negative” ways they’ve manifested in my life, so here we are. this ended up being longer than i thought it would, so i'll end up doing a part two since i really enjoyed making this!
disclaimers | masterlist | ask
venus conj. neptune in aquarius (1°03’) in the 1H
this is one of my favorite placements. i feel like this + my pisces sun can make me appear to others as “ethereal” at times, but if i’m keeping it a buck, it also makes me extremely evasive. i have a good amount of aquarius influence in my chart as well, so all of this combined definitely makes me feel like i have to put in effort to not come off as too impersonal, especially towards my loved ones.
having neptune in my 1H also makes me feel like people perceive me to be someone that i’m not. like even my close friends and family, i don’t feel like anyone actually understands who i am, and i don’t think i’ve ever had a relationship (platonic, romantic, or familial) where i felt like i was seen for who i actually am, or where i was able to connect to somebody on a deeper, spiritual level. i can also over-romanticize people and situations at times, but i’ve grown out of this habit… for the most part.
i’ve always been an extremely creative/artistic person. i’ve been drawing, painting, writing, and singing since i was a kid, and i even sell my artwork now as an adult. i’m extremely imaginative, but i do have to be careful to not get too in my head and forget to participate in reality, if that makes sense. i’ve also had issues with dissociation and memory loss throughout my life. i feel like my lived experience has more to do with that, but i can see how the Neptunian influence in my chart could play a role in it as well.
venus opposite north node in the 7H (1°40’)
there are some placements that convince me that the universe was tryna be funny when it made my birth chart. this is one of them. i have so many things in my chart that can make it challenging at times to form meaningful, trustful relationships with other people, and it’s interesting to me the fact that my spiritual growth is something that’s supposed to be found… through my relationships with other people. i try not to victimize myself too much and look at things from an objective lens, but i would be lying if i said it didn’t feel like people find it convenient to have me in their lives only when i allow them to view me in a way that makes them feel the most comfortable.
like i mentioned, i can be very avoidant, it’s something i’m working on. but i know that it’s possible for me to have fulfilling connections with other people, and obviously with this placement it’s something i need to work through my aversion to, seeing as my self-development and spiritual growth is something that’s extremely important to me and deep down i do want to want to experience having meaningful, healthy relationships.
sun sextile lilith (within 3.0°) in the 11H / chiron in the 11H
let me tell you, most of the people i’ve been friends with over the years, regardless of gender, hypersexualize the fuck out of me. especially the men i’ve been friends with, majority of them had feelings for me that i never reciprocated. i was actually friends with a girl in high school who’s moon fell in my 8H, and in hindsight she had a very unhinged, borderline obsession with me. she would speak to me, and get mad at me, as if we were in a relationship together, and did not understand any type of boundaries that you’re supposed to have with someone you’re friends with. i don’t hold it against her now as an adult, but we definitely don’t speak to each other anymore.
i’ve also encountered issues in regards to the relationships i've with women, mainly when i was younger though, the women i’m acquainted with now i have healthy, normal friendships with (thank god). but i’ve had friendships with girls where they secretly didn’t like me, they were secretly attracted to me, or both. and i don't mean this in a weird, misogynistic, "pick me i'm different!" type of way at all, this is just a pattern i picked up on with some of the women i've met throughout my life.
in regards to having chiron in my 11H, my sore spot is most definitely my friendships. on top of feeling misunderstood and objectified in the friendships i’ve had, i’ve also experienced trauma at the hands of people i thought were my friends. and i always do my best to exercise being mindful and self-aware, and i’m definitely not on some “i’ve always been the perfect friend and people hurt me regardless, boo-hoo, woe-is-me” type shit, because i’ve definitely hurt people in my lifetime. but in terms of how these placements have manifested, i’ve always encountered difficulty in connecting to others, and i’m just now getting to a point where i feel comfortable enough to even attempt to try making new friends again.
and this is what i mean when i say: astrology is a tool that you can use for shit that is more important than your appearance and future partner! it wasn’t until my 12H profection year when i started studying traditional astrology and learned how to read charts, that i actually began to understand myself on a deeper level and gained the confidence to end friendships that no longer served me and made new ones that actually do.
chiron in my 11H also makes me feel inclined to take on a “therapist” role in my friendships, something that can be good or bad depending on whether the boundaries are there or not. i tend to attract people who like to trauma dump on me (that’s my moon in the 8H influence too), and i have to actively put boundaries in place and make sure people around me understand that i have to be in the right mindset to hold space for them. there aren’t a lot of pisces sun stereotypes that i can relate to, but being an emotional sponge is definitely one that i can. unfortunately.
moon and ceres in virgo in the 8H
LMAOOO this one might be a little heavy. i apologize in advance. feel free to skip this one if you don’t want to hear about parental/maternal loss or my mommy issues <3
my relationship with my mom is without a doubt where a lot of my emotional avoidance comes from. that plus my moon being in the 8H makes me very guarded when it comes to emotional vulnerability, even with the people i’m closest to. without telling a bunch of strangers on the internet too much of my business, here are the sparknotes:
my home life growing up (and to this day lowkey) never felt stable
it never felt like i could feel my emotions without them “consuming” me, this was mainly an issue in my youth, i was around 12-years-old when i started going to therapy and taking antidepressants
my mom battled a chronic disease her entire life and passed away when i was a teenager
i’ve always craved to have deep, spiritual connections with people, and ever since i was a kid i’ve been extremely intuitive and had the ability to read a room and everyone in it without anyone having to speak, but i typically attract people who are either emotionally unavailable, or emotionally unstable in some way, probably because i come off as “closed off” on the surface.
in terms of my relationship with my mom, i love her but i could never be vulnerable with her about a damn thing, like i never really felt “heard” by her. she was a taurus sun, scorpio moon, with an aries stellium, as soon as she had her mind made up about something it didn’t really matter how i felt (pluto also falls in my 10H, and i definitely viewed her as an “authority figure” more than a mother at times). y’all remember this scene from lady bird where her mom tells her she wants her to “be the best version of herself she can be” and she asks “what if this is the best version?” - it was very much so that.
and i don’t want to give the impression that my mom didn’t love me because she definitely did. i think it was just a matter of what a lot of us eventually come to understand about our parents; that they’re products of the environments and the people they were raised by. and in my mom’s case, she did her best with the cards she was dealt and showed up the best way she could. it doesn’t make my feelings any less important, but it helps to maintain the balance between recognizing her humanity, and also validating my own frustration and trauma regarding our relationship.
venus conjunct ascendant in aquarius (2°40’)
i didn't wanna end this post on a depressing ass note so i'm adding this last aspect lmfao. honestly i struggle with some of the venusian energy in my chart because i honestly never really felt "pretty" growing up. it might be neptune in my 1H that effects my self image, because it wasn't until my 20s that i actually started to genuinely recognize my beauty. i feel like growing up i only viewed my beauty through the lens of the "male gaze" (it didn't help that i felt objectified from the boys around me), or through the lens of euro-centric/white beauty standards, and in adulthood i'm finally approaching the way that i view myself from my perspective.
i do notice that i attract people very easily, both in a friendly and romantic way. i know this aspect has to do a lot with love and romance, but honestly, i'm not too concerned about being in a relationship at this point in my life (with the way the economy is set up i think we all got bigger fish to fry rn but that's neither here nor there-), but like i mentioned i've always been an artist at heart and the art that i create plays a really big role in my identity. i've always found it easier to express myself through my paintings or my writing rather than my words.
aesthetics and comfortability are pretty big for me too, more so now in my 20s. this aspect has a lot to do with sociability and being inclined to uplift and help others, and i can relate to the latter but when it comes to other aspects in my chart i do struggle with being "outgoing" and coming across friendly, but we'll get to that in part two.
as always, if y'all have any of the aspects/placements mentioned in this post let me know how they manifest in your life and personality, and if you have any insight or questions in general feel free to reach out!
#astro notes#astro observations#venus conjunct neptune#nepnotes#venus in the 1st house#moon in the 8th house#neptune in the 1st house#nepnotes3#venus opposite north node#venus aspects#venus conjunct ascendant#north node in the 7th house#moon in virgo#sun sextile lilith#sun sextile black moon lilith#lilith aspects#lilith in the 11th house#chiron in the 11th house#ceres in the 8th house#astrology aspects#astrology notes#astrology observations#astrology
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Every time I see a take that's like "I love jmart it's so fucked up as a relationship" or "love jmart but I think they should break up it'd be healthier for them" I am baffled. It's no less wild than the takes calling it toxic or abusive, it's just more affectionate.
I assume a lot of these people are very young and never had a serious relationship. Hopefully they're not currently in one and going "is it toxic to be angry at your partner sometimes? Is it toxic to have arguments? Is it toxic to disagree or have incompatible wants? Is it toxic to get unfairly impatient with someone when the world is literally collapsing around you?"
Like, we only saw Jon and Martin as a couple in the most psychologically devastating circumstances imaginable. Jonny said in the Q&A he was trying to depict a broadly healthy relationship that was under a great deal of external stress, and personally I think he succeeded. There are moments when they're unfair or unkind with what they say, but if you meet someone as willing to communicate or provide comfort during the literal apocalypse as either of them were, that's a keeper.
#do you want characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy#because this is how you get characters who talk like they're trying to get a good grade in therapy#jmart#jonmartin
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talk fast | c.t.h
calum hood x fem!reader
summary: you both agreed to no strings attached, right?
warnings: oh boy tons of drinking (sorry), smoking, language, brief mentions of sexual activity (nothing explicit), and sexual innuendos.
w/c: 13k
a/n: hi my loves !! this one is a long time coming, i’ve been working on this since september. i started school in november which put a halt on all of my writing, but now that i graduated expect more from me. :). to all of my calum lovers, this one’s for you. p.s: if this does as well as i hope it does, i may consider making this a series on wattpad.
a/n pt.2: shout out everyone who helped my write this. esp @valentiyne you guys are amazing. 🩷
requests open
not proofread
Copyright © 2024 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.
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you weren't a stranger to relationships, and you'd had your fair share of them over the years. which you were aware that everyone else did, but you weren’t really serious about relationships. you didn't want to be with someone who didn't envision a future with you or who didn't share your goals.
your friends often told you that you should let loose and enjoy yourself, but that was not the life for you.
you had been in a very healthy relationship with someone you had known since college for the past few years. however, as time went, he became increasingly open about his needs for different things and eventually ended his relationship with you.
you went into a deep depression after the breakup, you didn't leave your apartment for weeks, you only showered maybe twice, and you couldn't remember the last time you ate anything other than instant noodles or ice cream.
what else could you do while you were wasting away? you had imagined spending the rest of your life with him, and now he’s gone.
your life seemed to change overnight.
while your friends and family around tried being there for you, you had pushed them so far away that they had just decided to give up on you. except, your best friend, olivia, finally dragged you out of your bed and forced you to shower so you could go out for the night with her.
“you need to get out, have fun, and forget about that jerk” she states, standing above you as she glides eyeliner on your eyes. “you’re hot, you’re fun, you have a great personality. i’m sure we can find you someone tonight!” she adds while finishing your makeup.
“olivia…” you sigh then look into the mirror, watching as your friend painted your face with a determined look in her eye. “no. we’re gonna have fun, we’re gonna party and get drunk. kay? you need this.” she grins, resting her head on your shoulder looking at you in the mirror. “now, go change into the outfit i brought you.”
"where are we going, anyway?" you ask, pulling at your skirt, which was riding up as you moved. you loved olivia, but some of her dress choices made you uncomfortable. "my brother got us into the pre-release party for the band five seconds of summer," she adds, gazing down at her phone for directions to the club, a hole in the wall on broadway. "what?!" you exclaim, your eyes widening. "how did he do that?" olivia laughs and clasps her arm around yours. "well, when you have a brother who manages a band, you kinda get vip treatment," she spoke with a grin. "plus, I told him how you've been feeling down, so he talked to the guys and they said it was fine," she chuckled softly, as the two of you continued your journey to the club.
the entry to the club was immediately visible due to the brilliant pink, purple, and red lights illuminating the street, as well as record posters in the windows. "this has to be it," olivia says as she opens the door for you, walking in after.
this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so you should be excited, right? but you couldn't shake the nagging guilt on the inside.
it’s okay to move on, right?
olivia leads you to the bar and orders a couple shots, "to your drop dead ex and a new beginning!" olivia cheers, toasting the glasses and the two of you downing the liquor.
you were about to start speaking when you were interrupted by olivia's brother, mark.
"it's been a long time, y/n!" he welcomes you with a shout. “how’s it going?” he asks, you see olivia roll her eyes and turn to her brother. “mark, we were having a conversation.” she states matter of a factly.
"i know, but I just wanted to introduce you to some of my buddies," the tall ginger says, stepping to the side and revealing four taller men. mark introduces them, "this is luke." he had blond curly hair, ocean blue eyes, and a white button-down shirt with the top button undone.
"michael," he said, his pink hair slicked to the side, a black snapback on, with a small wave of his hand in greeting. "ashton.” he had curly hair like luke, but it was fashioned in a 60’s greaser type of way, he smiled at you warmly, extending his hand for you to shake, the two of you nodding in acknowledgment of the other. "last- but not least, calum."
your gaze met his brown eyes, his chocolate curls resting just above his eyes as he looked you in the eyes. he was dressed in a white button-down shirt with black stripes that complemented his tanned and tattooed skin. he softly whispered "hi" as he squeezed his lips together in a smile. you smile back and nod. "hi.” calum's gaze lingers longer than he would have preferred, but he couldn't help himself. no way, not with you dressed like that. the way the black skirt clung to your hips and the dark blue halter top left nothing for the imagination
“guys this is my sister, olivia, and her friend, y/n.” mark says, pointing to the two of you, bringing calum out of his daydream. “nice to meet you guys” you say, offering a warm smile and they all nod to you. “are you staying for the show?” ashton inquired, olivia nods. “of course we are! wouldn’t miss it for a thing.” she gently nudges your arm, you laugh softly and nod.
"great, can't wait for you all to hear the album," ashton says, as the other three nod in agreement. "well, I have to get them backstage, but I'll see you later, okay?" mark replies, and you and olivia nod as the group disappears into the busy room.
as the show began, olivia tugged you closer to the stage, two rows back. the lights dimmed and you heard a huge cheer from the audience as the four boys you had just met took the stage.
your gaze was drawn to calum, who seemed engrossed with the music. how he made it appear so easy while looking so nice. you kept an eye on him for the majority of the night, but your mind was elsewhere.
you had found your way to the bar after the show had concluded; it was a terrific show, as expected, but seeing the band live was a weird experience, and you just couldn't enjoy yourself given your circumstances.
you found yourself reminiscing on your relationship during songs like "lie to me" and "why won't you love me," wondering whether you would have said something different or been more open to him. maybe you’d still be together.
you finish the drink you ordered and search the crowd for your best friend, but when you can't find her, you return your attention to the empty glass in front of you watching it being filled.
"was our stage set really that bad?" when you hear a voice, you quickly look up to find the person who is speaking. "i saw you, you seemed unhappy," calum adds, leaning on the bar. you shook your head and let out a breathless laugh. "no, it was actually very good," you say with a smile.
calum's gaze lingered, he leaned forward. "but? you were definitely not having a good time." you shrug and allow the bartender to refill your drink. "well, i got dumped not too long ago." "so", you trail off, messing with the glass in your hand.
"just not in the mood for a party, i guess," you shrug, and you hear calum hum. he switches his weight from one leg to the other. "actually, you looked pretty hot on stage," you cover your mouth and widen your eyes. "oh my goodness...i." you can't help but giggle, "i'm so sorry," you shake your head, and then gulp the last of the drink in the hopes that it will provide you with some liquid courage.
"you think I'm ‘pretty hot’?" he asks, his brow furrowed and his tongue protruding from the inside of his cheek. "no..i.." you sigh, removing some of your hair from your face. calum chuckles "no, no. you said it, you think I'm hot," he says in a teasing manner, crossing his arms with a quirked eyebrow.
calum would be lying if he said he didn’t think you were attractive as well. he had been eyeing you all night and figured, why not have some fun?
“what are you doing after this?” he asks, stepping a tad closer to you. now, he was just a few inches from your side and you caught wind of his cologne. you look down at the empty glass again, wondering what you’d say. you knew what he meant, and you had never done anything of the sort.
“well that depends” you answer, looking up from the glass and letting your eyes meet his. “well, i was kinda hoping you’d want to leave here with me” calum suggests with a smirk. you smile, figuring you could let lose for one night. “sounds great.”
it was just one night..right?
your eyelids flutter open, and you immediately feel a piercing pain in your temple. you groan silently and look about until you realize you're not in your bedroom when you peek over your shoulder, you notice a figure.
he was facing you, on his side. his curls were brushed back, his lips were slightly parted, and his arm was resting on your waist.
"oh, shit.." you think as you sit up against his headboard, drawing the loose sheet closer to your chest. your mind is filled with images from the previous night. meeting him, and then their brief talk in the bar. you rubbed your temples, still reeling from what you'd done.
you had slept with calum hood.
you had to get out of there because you couldn't believe what you'd done. you were never the type to do something like that. you attempted to remove the sheet so you could hurry up and put on your clothes from the night before and go home. however, while you were doing so, calum's arm gently tugged on your waist. "stay.."
when you looked at him, his eyes were still closed. you didn't move, feeling frozen as your gaze landed on the arm that framed your waist. you couldnt lie, calum was very attractive.
eventually, you finally managed to break free from his touch, and you threw on your clothing while searching for your phone and handbag. you discreetly opened and closed the door, making your way through the house to the front entrance.
you come to a halt as you pick up your shoes, pondering whether or not to leave your phone number for him. but you tell yourself that you'll never see him again, opening the door and walking out.
you order a lift home and finally check at your phone's alerts. olivia left almost twenty messages and made thirty phone calls. you tell her you're okay and on your way home.
you opened your front door to find olivia racing towards you. "where the hell were you?!" she exclaims, her eyes wide open. you hush her with a "shh," dropping your shoes beside the door. "i texted and called you!" "i know, i know," you remark as you pass by her to your room. "you can't just leave like that!" she exclaims as she follows you.
"olivia.." you sigh and stand in your bathroom, removing the last of your makeup from the night before. "i'm sorry okay, i was drunk and he was right there in front of me." "who?" she asks as she leans against the doorway. "calum.."
there was radio silence for a split second before you glanced to olivia, who erupted. "you slept with calum hood!?!" she exclaims, lunging for your arm. "calum hood?!? the one from five seconds of summer?" you closed your eyes, your head still throbbing, and her ranting only made matters worse. "okay, yes? i was drunk, and he came up to me for a moment...and the following thing led to another..."
"you slept with calum!!!" the ginger laughs as she claps her hands and softly jumps up and down. "oh my god!! my y/n is getting some!" you groan, throwing away the makeup wipe while moving past her. "oh, god. ew!" you exclaim as you enter your bedroom in quest of your pajamas. "tell me everything!" she says as she sits on your bed. "uh..no.." you say as you begin to change.
"just...leave it, im not going to see him again," you say as you brush your hair after changing. "what?! didn't you leave your phone number or something?" "no, olivia, it was just one night," you shake your head. i don't plan to see him again, okay?" you reinstate by placing the brush on the dresser. "ugh, you're no fun!"
"you should be happy about this, you're one step closer to moving on from your asshole ex-boyfriend!" exclaims olivia. you take a step out of your bedroom, looking over your shoulder at your ginger friend. you smile sadly, "i don't think I'll ever be able to get over him."
"we are going to be late!" olivia yells as she tugs you out of bed. "i don't want to go," you protest, but the ginger pushes you into the bathroom. "get yourself ready and meet me outside, okay?" she smiles and goes away.
you sighed as you stood in front of your mirror and went about your business. wash your face, then apply skincare, makeup, hair, and finally your clothes. this consisted of a cropped white shirt, a black skirt, and boots. for the nightlife scene, this was your typical go-to.
you grab a leather jacket and your money on your way out the door to meet with olivia. “great, you're done!" she grins and grabs your arm. "and looking as hot as ever," you sigh, "i wear this every time we go out, olivia. this isn't anything new." you explain, and the two of you start walking up to the bar. "yes, but being single looks good on you... you look happier." she beams. you shrug and continue going, laughing as you say, "whatever you say."
you two arrived at the bar, which was already quite crowded with people you knew, and said your 'hi's and 'hello's' as you walked through the crowd to reach your normal friend group. this was a birthday party for one of your mutual friends; you were invited because you knew a few people there, but you didn't intend to stay long. after only a few drinks, you were dipping.
"hey, i'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?" you ask olivia, who was in the midst of a conversation. "um, no, i'm good for now," the redhead responds softly. you nod and turn around, headed for the bar.
you take a seat on a bar stool and order your usual, then pull out your phone and scroll for a few minutes as you wait for your drink.
"fancy seeing you here," you hear from behind you. when you turn around, a familiar face greets you.
calum hood.
you gaze at him for a time, blinking slowly, wondering why the hell he was at this party in the first place. how did he know your friend group?
"what? like what you see?" he laughs and walks up to the stool next to you. you discreetly giggle, rolling your eyes as you notice your drink in front of you. "you're full of yourself, calum," you say as you sip your drink. "well, you weren't thinking that when you were in my bed a few nights ago, were you?" he says, lifting his eyebrows as he speaks, attempting to elicit a reaction from you.
"oh god.." you mutter. calum follows you as you push yourself off the stool and onto the club floor. "come on, I was joking." when you hear his remarks, you shake your head and spin around to tell him off, but you freeze when you realize how close he is.
calum gazed back at you, his chocolate eyes piercing into yours. the way his wavy hair fell just above his eyes. you couldn't think straight when he was wearing a tight-fitting black t-shirt that emphasized his muscles- or how nice he looked in those black plaid pants.
calum hood was fine, and he knew it.
"you're a jerk," you reply, eventually jerking out of your daydream. as he steps closer, you can smell the tequila dripping from his breath. "oh yeah?" you say, nodding, "yeah." "well, you won't be saying that when you're in my bed again."
as you stare into his eyes, your grasp on your cup tightens. you couldn't take your eyes off him.
"fuck you."
he takes pleasure in your reply and leans in, his face right up against yours, whispering, "maybe later, sweets." then calum walks away, leaving you on the dance floor.
you find yourself back with olivia and your group of friends, scarfing down the drink knowing you needed to be intoxicated for the night ahead of you.
"i saw that," she says, as the two of you sway to the music. "what?" you inquire, attempting to appear clueless. "calum hood, hitting on you!!" she rolls her eyes. she giggles and pokes at your side. "no, it was nothing," you promise, moving her arm away. "whatever you say," she sings.
while you were on the dance floor with your friends, you were pretty intoxicated, and you knew he was watching you. you tried to ignore the sense of his eyes burning holes in the back of your skull. he observed your hips swaying to the music and the way your hair layed against your skin. It was driving him crazy.
flashes of you in his bed, your skin gleaming with sweat, the softness of your lips against his, or the touch of your nails on his back that sent thrills down his spine.
normally, he would never return to someone with whom he had a one-night encounter, but he couldn't get enough of you. he hasn't stopped thinking about you since that night.
you'd had enough of his glances and decided it was time to face him.
"stop" you say as you approach him. he blinks and asks, "what?." you sigh and roll your eyes. "i know you're staring, stop it." calum laughs and sets his drink on the bar. "i don't know what you're talking about, pretty." you sigh and rub your temples. "don't act innocent, i saw you." you say. he shrugs and leans forward. "oh, I'll show you innocent"
"calum, we can't do this," you say, looking him in the eyes. “It was only once." you say, as if attempting to persuade yourself. "oh, yeah?" you cross your arms and nod. "because it seems you don't believe that." calum retorts, his hand coming to rest on your hip.
as he moves in closer, you catch the scent of his cologne combined with the booze on his breath, which sends a shudder down your spine. you see flashes of his figure hanging over you from a few nights before. you couldn't possibly lie to yourself because you think about it every day.
"i know you want me.. i see the way you look at me," he continues. "come on, let's have some fun." his thumb was tracing circles on the fabric of your skirt.
you look into his eyes, your stomach flipping. you didn't want to give in, you didn't want to become someone you weren't. but that was calum fucking hood, and you couldn't resist him when he looked at you like that. "fuck it," you state.
you gaze at the sleeping figure beside you, his breathing calm and steady. you couldn't help but feel bad, so you told yourself you wouldn't hook up with him again. you told yourself you'd never see him again. he was a celebrity, and you were just a city dweller who happened to get caught up with him.
you lie there for a moment, admiring calum. how could someone look so lovely while sleeping? you yank the covers off your legs and frantically dress to leave him yet again.
you collect your shoes at the exit, stand for a moment debating whether or not to leave your number, but you decide not to because this is the last time you'll see him…
right?
from that night forward, you felt like the universe was messing with you because calum appeared to be at every party, club, or bar you went to. he'd approach you as if nothing was going to happen, as if he was teasing you in some way- but it always happened.
those nights, you'd always end up in his bed, never yours.
you couldn't help yourself; no matter how hard you tried to pretend you despised him, you couldn't keep the mask up because you always caved and went home with him.
it became a habit; you'd go out with friends or by yourself, secretly hoping calum would appear in some way.
some nights, you weren't even there to drink, just to be there.
it was the same thing every time: you'd pretend to despise him because a small part of you wanted a serious relationship yet couldn't get enough of him. he made you feel alive. your ex never made you feel that way. the only person who ever made you feel *loved* was calum. you both knew it was only for fun, but it made you wonder if it might ever turn into anything more. you were always silently wishing you had left your phone number all those times, wondering if he would have called or texted you.
plus, you were aware that your friends, particularly olivia, were becoming suspicious. you had recovered quickly from your split following that first night with calum. she knew you’d leave with him at those gatherings but she didn’t stop it because you seemed to be doing better and you were a lot happier.
so far, calum was treating you right. at least, when the two of you were hooking up. so she never made any effort to stop what was happening.
for what felt like the hundredth time, you were back in his bed. instead of looking at him, you've turned your gaze to the ceiling. you know you should leave because it's about noon and you need to get home because you have plans with olivia later that day. you groan, running your hands over your face before getting out of bed and hunting for your clothing, all scattered along the floor.
"since you obviously don't want to stay," he spoke suddenly, causing you to pause in the middle of putting your shirt back on. calum raises up to rest on his elbows as your head spins around. "how about we just agree that this is a no-strings-attached situation," he suggested. you finish putting on your shirt and take your place at the foot of the bed. "calum.." you sigh,rubbing your eyes.
"y/n, just listen and consider it. we can keep doing what we're doing without making any commitments."
you stare at him, his hair was messy, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and you couldn't help but admire his physique. you lean down to grab your shorts, responding while you did so, "i'll think about it," before throwing on the rest of your clothes and leaving his bedroom. as you close the door behind you, you hear him sigh.
your hand was on the doorknob as you stood at the door, but you stopped yourself from opening it. you hated yourself as you reached into your bag for a pen and a random scrap of paper to jot down your phone number. you retrace your steps and leave it on his kitchen island. then you disappear from his home once again.
you unlock your apartment door and walk in, closing it behind you. you enter the kitchen, putting your bag on the counter and grabbing a water bottle.
"where have you been?" you jump out of your skin when you see olivia behind the refrigerator door. "what the hell, olivia!" you exclaim, nearly spilling the bottle. she's standing with her arms crossed with an intense stare. "did you hook up with him again?"
you move out of the kitchen and into your room, closing the fridge. "no, I don't know who you're talking about." you respond, but olivia isn't having it. "stop lying. you were with him last night and the nights before." "so?" you grumble.
"so?!", she exclaimed, you can't tell if she's really mad at you or just acting this way, she repeats. "you're having an fling with a celebrity! you have a habit of hooking up with him. surely something has to be there." she follows you to your room, standing in your doorway as she questions you.
"it's nothing, olivia. we just happen to be at the same location at the same time. okay?" you explain while looking for some clothes to change into.
"i call bullshit. you were never like this, until you met him." she continues, making you sigh. "it's just a distraction, okay?"
"I just...I don't know," you shrug, unable to express your feelings. "i'll meet you later, okay?" you turn away from her.
"actually…i have a date tonight," olivia confessed. "im sorry, but i'll have to cancel." she frowned. "that's fine," you say sympathetically over your shoulder. “have fun, and please text me when you get home, okay?" olivia nods, singing, "i will, love you hot stuff" she passes by you to leave your shared apartment.
you're sitting on your sofa with a container of leftover takeout from a few nights ago after freshening up. olivia had somehow gotten you hooked on a cringe-worthy television show.
you were already two seasons in and couldn't recall a single episode. calum had made your memory fuzzy. you couldn't get him off your mind. you remained curious about what he was doing when you left. did he think of you the way you thought of him? did he ever wonder what you did when he wasn't there? though you convinced yourself you were just being delusional.
…right?
calum glances at the scrap of paper on his kitchen counter, his fingers tapping near his phone, unsure whether to wait to message you. calum was well aware that what he was doing was probably not wise. because, after all, hooking up with you was just for fun, right? so why was it so difficult for him not to think about you? why were you so difficult for him to forget? it was just intended to be once, but now calum thinks about you whenever he gets the chance.
calum sighs, picks up his phone, and starts punching in your phone number. he has no idea what he's doing, but he doesn't stop himself from sending you a message.
- ‘hey, it’s calum’
you're standing in the kitchen right now, washing your hands, when your phone dings. your heart sunk as you looked over and said the message. you swiftly withdraw your hands from the sink, grab a towel, and dry them.
you take out your phone and read his message. You stare at it for a moment, unable to believe he actually messaged you.
-‘hey’
you respond as you stroll over to your sofa and sit on the cushions. you weren't anticipating anything from him because he'd practically established that the two of you were only in it for the fun of it and that was it. no strings attached. you don't hear from him again for the time being.
you're disappointed, but you return your focus to the television, hoping to forget about the singer on your mind.
you haven't heard from olivia in hours; she should've been home by now, but you guess she went to the guy's place she was seeing.
you get up from the sofa and grab your phone; all of your anxiety fades as you open your phone to calums' contact information and call him.
It rang several times before he answered. “hello?”
“hey, calum sorry if i’m bothering you”
“no, you’re good. what’s up?”
“i was just wondering if uh…if you’d want to hang out?”
"what do you have in mind?"
you laugh, "not like that"
you can hear him laugh in amusement, “sorry- yeah, sure. there’s actually this party tonight and i wasn’t going to go since i didn’t have anyone to go with. would you be down for that?”
you pause for a moment, picking at your fingers. “sure! that sounds great” you answer.
“nice, i’ll send you the address to ashton’s place and i’ll meet you there. see you tonight, sweets.”
you arrive at ashton's house, sitting in your car for a few minutes as you ran your options through your head. ‘was this a smart decision? were you planning to do this?’ you groan, taking your phone, and bag then exiting the car, heels clicking as you approached the entrance.
when you opened the door, you were greeted by the smell of alcohol and loud music. you stroll past the crowd near the entryway and start looking for the person you came here to see.
you notice him in the kitchen with his bandmates, he noticed you as well. with a tiny smile on his lips, he motions you over to the group.
"hey," you speak softly now that you're standing close to him. "hi," he greets, unconsciously placing his hand on the small of your back. "guys, i'm not sure if you remember, but this is y/n," he reminds before re-introducing you to the rest of the band.
"are you mark's sister's friend?" michael interjects, you nod. "yeah! i was the one in the blue top that night," you smile, everyone nods in acknowledgment. "well, i'm glad you could make it, if you need anything just let me know." "thank you," you nod nervously, then glance up to calum.
he offers to take you around and introduce you to some people to make you feel more at ease.
"i'm going to get something to drink, you want anything?" you make the offer to calum, who is seated on the sofa, he responds with a simple, "sure." you nod, heading to the kitchen by yourself, leaving calum with his buddies.
"how long have you two been together?" someone seated next to calum asked, he turns to see it was ashton's girlfriend. "oh, no- we aren't together." he responds, but her reply is unexpected. "are you serious?" she asks, calum nods. "no way," she whispered, astonished as she takes a sip from the crimson solo cup. "what?" calum questions.
"there's no way you two aren't together," she says again, "the way you look at her. i'm not sure what the two of you are up to, but you should figure it out," she concludes, chuckling. calum simply stares at her, her attention drawing elsewhere.
he thought about what she said the entire time you were gone. did he actually act that way? did he treat you as though you were his girlfriend? did he look at you in a way that suggested you two were dating? no… you two were just hooking up. nothing else.
he had no idea you were back until you spoke up. "here.." you offer, handing him the drink. calum looks up takes the drink you offered, "thank you sweetheart" "anytime, sugar" you chuckle and go for a seat, but all of them are taken… okay, so you would just stand up for the time being. when calum notices this, he reaches for your waist and pulls you down onto his lap. you look down at him, confused, “what are you doing?” he looks up at you with those eyes.
those big brown eyes that made you feel as if you were on cloud nine. calum looked at you like you were the only girl in the universe.
at least, that’s what you told yourself.
“i’m not just gonna let you stand there.” he answered with a cheeky smile.
people started to leave after a few hours. you were still sitting on calum's lap as everyone else congregated in the living room, talking about whatever and playing drinking games.
you get up from the calum's lap, leaving your drink behind to walk to the restroom down the hall. you approach and knock, hearing someone in there. you stand a few steps away from the door and pull out your phone to pass the time.
after a few minutes, calum finds you. leaning his arms against the wall, effectively caging you between his arms as he stands in front of you. "whatcha doing?" he demands, boxing you in and staring at you. "I'm waiting for the bathroom," you say, glancing up at him.
"you know..." calum pauses, coming in closer. "my house isn't too far from here, and i have a bathroom..so..you can just use it there," you sneer at his offer, "how convenient.." you respond, just above a whisper.
you push yourself off the wall and past calum, leaving him speechless. "where are you going?" he asks, his arms at his sides. "your place. you coming or not?" you grin as you peer over your shoulder.
calum chuckles quietly as he approaches you and wraps his arm around your waist. he was nearly dragging you to the door. "sorry guys, we have to run!" he grabs your bag, carrying it for you before dashing out the door with you.
the others could only chuckle to themselves and smile knowingly as the two of you dashed away.
you're back in his bed, and you know it before you open your eyes. the smell of his bedsheets let you know you were back. the warm vanilla smell invaded your nostrils as you stretched and opened your eyes to find yourself staring at a familiar ceiling. you check over your shoulder for calum's sleeping figure, but he's not there.
you carefully sit up, bringing the sheet along to cover your chest and rubbing your eyes with your other hand. only then do you spew calum standing at the doorway wearing only basketball shorts. "good morning, princess," he says, and you groan, feeling a headache coming on. "i'm making breakfast if you want to stay," he says before walking out the door. you sigh as you get out of his bed and seek for your clothes before leaving his room for the kitchen.
you notice pancakes and fruit on a plate waiting for you. as he stands and consumes his food, you take a seat at the kitchen island. It's quiet for a few minutes before he speaks up.
"so i was thinking.." calum begins. you raise your head to look at him. "i know we said no strings attached but what if we expand the deal?" you lift your brows, confused as to what he was on about. "what do you mean?" you inquire. "at parties, we could be each other's automatic plus one. that way, we won't have to worry about who we go home with." you look up at him, then down at your plate, shifting some of the food about.
"i don't know, calum." you let out a sigh. you want to say yes, and you want to be around him at all times- but you just can’t confess it. "i'm just tired of being ditched by the guys at events, and i wouldn't mind if you were the one to fill that spot," you gaze up, your eyes meeting his. "okay...i'm down," you nod, and calum smiles. "great."
you continue eating as silence fills the room, you don’t really know how to keep a conversation with him since you two only hung out at parties. “when’s your birthday?” he asks. you chuckle, “what happened to no strings attached?” you ask, taking a drink of your water. “well, we can be friends with benefits. friends can know things about each other” he rebuttals. you look at him, finally caving. “y/bd” you answer, calum nods. “that’s coming up” you shrug, “its a couple months. what about you?”
“january 25th” he answers. “happy belated birthday” you reply and he laughs. “so you do have a heart.” you rolls your eyes, “oh whatever.” you can’t help but crack a smile.
calum admires you, how you still manage to look beautiful even in the makeup from the night prior and your hair is a mess. calum wants to be your friend, he wants to know stuff about you other than how you are in bed. he looks down at his plate, knowing he shouldn’t be thinking of you as anything for than his fuck buddy.
“what’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”
you think for a moment, your free hand is now supporting the weight of your chin. “hmm..i’ve always wanted like a big birthday bash.” you answer, “but i just never had the opportunity or people to go with” you add. he nodded, making a mental note.
———
calum proceeds to ask you out every other night, claiming that he doesn't want to be alone. of course, you went, but it simply muddled your sentiments for him. because he made it apparent that you were just friends.
so what was it about him holding your hand at parties that got you so worked up? or when he'd hold your back as you walked through a crowd of people. you'd have to convince yourself to stop staring at him for so long before anyone noticed.
you opted to see someone else on the side in the hopes of sorting out your feelings because the only reason you had feelings for calum was because he was the only person you had been seeing this much, right? furthermore, calum had made it obvious that there were no strings attached.
"hello?" you answer the phone as you go inside your apartment after getting home from work. "hey! "I'm sorry if i'm bothering you," calum says over the phone. "no, i just got home from work. you're fine!”
“how are you?" you ask, placing your keys on the table.
"i was just wondering if you're free tonight?" he inquires. you sigh and open your refrigerator to see if you have any snacks. "um, actually i was going out with a friend tonight…" you speak, and on the other end you hear him sigh, "okay! if your plans fall through, let me know." you smile to yourself, "of course," and it gets silent for a bit as the two of you are at a loss for words, "well, i'll let you get ready then..." "alright...bye..." you say as you pull the phone away from your ear and finish the call.
calum sighs as he tosses his phone to the opposite end of the sofa and rests his head back. he knows that he should not be disappointed; you have your own life, and calum was only a little part of it, just as he had his own life but knowing he wouldn't be able to see you tonight hurt. so, instead of moping about, he decided to ask his bandmates if they wanted to hang out for the night.
however, the night was uneventful; luke had met a girl, michael was conversing with someone, and calum was left alone with ashton.
"isn't that the girl you're seeing?" ashton says unexpectedly, motioning towards you at the bar. calum looks over his shoulder and sees you talking with a guy.
calum is hurt, but he turns around and shrugs as he faces ashton. "we're not seeing each other, i don't like her like that," ashton chuckles as he sips his drink, "sure you don't," calum moans, "mate, cmon.."
“you’re lying to yourself, mate. maybe you don't say you like her, but your eyes say everything." ashton spoke, calum knew it was true. he did like you, but he was unsure if you even considered him more than someone just to hook up with. you had been giving him mixed signals, because one night you were all about him but the next day you wanted nothing to do with him.
calum peers over his shoulder once more, this time observing that the guy that was now touching you, his hand on your leg, inching higher and higher. calum considers ashton's words and walks away from the table he was at towards you.
the way he felt was enough confirmation for his feelings for you. he wanted to be more than just a friend you sleep with. he wants to the be the person you come to during your darkest times, he wants to know your favorite songs, he wants to know your favorite movies, food, candy, animal, he wants to be your person.
“so when were you going to introduce me to your friend?” your head whips around to find calum standing behind the bar stool you sat at. “calum?” you blink before turning back to your date who had now removed his hand from your thigh. “you know him?” the man questions, eyeing calum.
“uh…he’s just my-“ calum cuts you off, “boyfriend” he finishes for you. your eyes go wide looking at calum again, you were about to open your mouth but calum beat you to it. “and we should be heading back now” he reaches for your waist, grabbing your purse and escorting you out of the bar.
"what the hell!?" you yell outside the bar, shoving him away from you. "you can't do that, calum! we're not exclusive, we are not dating; we're just friends who occasionally hook up" you hear calum chuckle and it sends you over the edge.
you huff and begin to walk away, but calum follows you and drapes his arm over your shoulder.
"youre mine and i don't share"
"where are you taking me?" calum walks next to you, instinctively leading you to his car. "home," he says, unlocking his car door and allowing you to enter before closing it and walking to the driver's side.
within a few minutes, you realize he's heading in the opposite way. "calum this isn't the way to to my place" you're saying. "I know," he replies, looking over at you. "i never said which home"
‘get ready, im coming over’
calum takes out his phone. he thinks nothing of the message you just sent him, presuming you're coming over to visit him. however, when you came and kept honking the car horn for him to come outside he was a bit thrown off.
when calum walks outside, he puts his phone and wallet in his pocket while walking over to your car. as you roll down your window, he leans in. "get in, we're going shopping," you say, music still playing and a smile on your face.
"why exactly do you need me for this?" calum inquires, his brow furrowed. you reply, "well considering you'll be the one taking it off i figured you might want to help me pick out something" while grinning. despite his flushed cheeks, calum takes a step back, unlocks the car door, and hops inside.
you took calum to the mall and modeled for nearly two hours while looking for the right outfit for your birthday. it had been two hours of no success until one of the last stores you visited had this leather skirt you had been eyeing for a while.
calum couldn't take his eyes off of your body when you emerged from the dressing room. both the halter top you chose and the skirt perfectly complemented one other. you drawled, "sooo?" hoping for a positive response. he answers right away, "yes." when you looked down at yourself, he speaks up again. “that’s the one, you have to get it.” and you couldn't help but laugh. you nod and examine yourself in the mirror before returning to the dressing room to change into your clothing so you could check out.
you happen to pass a leather jacket on your way to the register. and it just so happens to go well with the skirt. additionally, you observe that calum is examining it longer than anything else you have so added in the store. you made the choice to pick it up, do your best to estimate his size, and continue moving forward to pay.
on the way back to your place you pick up takeout since it was getting late in the evening and you both were starving.
when the two of your arrive home, you get comfortable on the sofa and begin picking out a movie while calum is in the kitchen sorting out the food before bringing it all into the living room. you picked out a movie and the two of you eat in peace, enjoying each others company.
afterwards, you had started cleaning up all the empty containers and throwing it away with the help of calum.
“will you put the skirt on again? i forgot what it looks like” calums asks and you laughed, looking over your shoulder. “seriously?” he nods. you pause for a moment before rolling your eyes and sigh, “fine.”
you walk out of your bedroom in the skirt but you hid something behind your back, looking a bit shy. which was unusual because you never acted like this around calum, so he knew something was up. “y/n, what’s behind your back?” he asks in a teasing tone and you begin walking towards him slowly. “okay, so, don’t be mad but i may have picked you up something too..”
she grins bringing the jacket from behind her and handing it towards him.
“i—y/n/n please tell me you didn’t buy this leather jacket for me” you take a few steps forward. “i’ve never heard you say please before. this is new.” you say, smirking. calums rolls his eyes but he can’t help but smile and you continue, “but yes i did. i saw you eyeing it so i grabbed it”
he tries to hide his smile. “well go on, put it on” you help him into the jacket and it’s then when he notices. “did you get this so we could match?” he says laughing. “no i absolutely did not! i just wanted to do something nice for you” he quickly responds “you didn’t have to go through the trouble of getting more clothes sweetheart. taking some off would’ve had the same effect” he chuckles. you playfully hit his chest and say “you’re insufferable.” you look away but then looks back smiling.
“but yeah maybe i wanted us to match a little bit. sue me” he grabs your waist and pulls your closer, you feel his thumb drawing circles on your exposed skin and it sends shivers down your spine. “well i certainly appreciate the thought, sweets. now we just need an occasion to show up everyone” calum teases, leaning in. his lips only inches from yours, you feel your cheeks warm up. “calum..” you warn but he continues to close the space between the two of you. “it’s just one kiss..”
you hate your birthday, it was the one day of the year you always found yourself to be the most miserable despite having people who loved you around. you still felt so unhappy.
“y/n, are you ready? you can’t be late to your own party!” olivia calls out from the living room. you exit your bedroom, meeting her in the room. “i’m ready, im ready” you say, throwing your bag on your shoulder. “y/n..” you hear olivia sigh, she takes a few steps towards you and puts her hands on your shoulder.
“lighten up. i know you hate your birthday but this year im not
letting you be miserable. kay?” she gently shakes you enough for you to crack a smile and nod, “good” she says, linking her arm with yours.
“now let’s go before people think you bailed your own birthday party.”
the two of you arrive to the same club where you had first met calum yet this time, the atmosphere was different.
no purple, pink, or red lights. no promotional posters in the windows. instead, you see white paper decorations and warm fairy lights.
you enter the bar in front of olivia and hear a loud uproar of people cheering as you did and some people even popping confetti. you couldn’t help but laugh as you walked through the crowd, seeing all of your close friends standing around celebrating you.
olivia was also giddy, knowing she had planned this whole thing along with calum.
“you guys didn’t have to do this!” you said over the music after you saw the cake sitting in the middle of the room, you’re beaming with joy. for the first time in a long time you were excited to be celebrating your birthday.
you spent time greeting people and thanking them.
some of these people you haven’t seen in years and it made you feel like things were finally getting better.
just as you were about to catch up with some old friends, the lights dimmed and you heard some light strumming from the nearby stage.
you look over seeing four familiar figures underneath the red stage lights.
“hello everyone,” luke begins, adjusting the mic. “if you all don’t know, we are five seconds of summer” the crowd roars at the name drop and some people are playfully hitting your shoulder not knowing your tied with the band.
“we just wanted to say we are truly honored to be back at the place we showcased our recent album, and of course to celebrate the birthday girls special day.” .
“so, happy birthday, y/n. we hope you have a wonderful year.” luke beamed.
the set was at least forty-five minutes long, they had played mostly their new stuff off the youngblood album but dropped in a few older songs.
you were over the moon.
to say you had five seconds of summer perform at your birthday party? that’s huge.
you never thought you’d end up in this position.
to say you had personal connections to people as big as calum, or even the whole band for that matter.
tonight was a night you’d definitely never forget.
standing outside the club, you watch the people inside dance and get lost in each other. the whole scene was almost melancholy- the way everyone was there to celebrate you. the night was near ending and you felt so cramped in there, you thought you'd spend the last few hours of your birthday catching your breath.
"hey you" calum voice interrupts your thoughts, a cigarette between his fingers as he watches you from a close enough distance. you furrow your brows, "didn't know you smoked"
he quickly flicks it to the floor, stepping on it a few times before picking up the trash.
"Is it a turn off?"
"no no i just didn't know" you shrug and look back up at the sky, "i don't think i know anything about you aside from you're good in bed and you like whiskey" he chuckles now, stepping closer to you and placing his hands on your waist.
"well, ask me anything you want"
you watch as he looks away for a moment, searching for the perfect question.
"if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"
your eyes don't leave the sky as you think, long and hard about the question. "i’d love to see paris... it's been my dream since i was a child."
you could feel his hands loosen from your waist, he steps infront of you and stared down at your face with a smile. It's almost like he's thinking of what to do or what to say next.
“paris?” he repeats.
you nod, tilting your head to the side, studying him. "what about you?"
calum had now completely removed his arm from your waist as he leans down to rest his elbows on the metal railing.
“considering i’ve toured around the world, ive been to plenty of amazing places” he says, looking back to see if you were looking at him.
“i don’t have just one, too many places, not enough time to explore” he answered.
you nod, looking away towards the city. the nightlife in downtown los angeles was a lot lively than normal.
probably because your birthday fell on a friday this year, so all of the bars were jam packed and faint music flooded the streets.
you inhale, about to say something as your turn your attention back towards the brunette.
“y/n! cmon!” olivia grabs your wrist pulling you inside and away from calum, towards the large cake so you could blow out the candles.
“come on birthday girl, make a wish!” olivia cheers along with everyone standing around. you laugh, “okay okay!”. you blow out the candles and everyone begins to cheer. olivia hugs your side and giggles, “what did you wish for?” she asks. you grin petting her head, “if i tell you it won’t come true, will it?” your eyes flicker between calum and olivia as you speak.
you hear olivia groan in annoyance. someone amongst the crowd, you guess ashton, you could recognize that arm anywhere, points to the cake and says, "birthday girl gets first pick!"
you finally see his figure merge from behind someone with a plastic plate and knife. "what piece does my girl want?" ashton continues.
you examine the cake once more and point to a corner piece smothered in the purple icing with a kiddish like grin on your face. ashton's nods and begins to cut you a piece.
as it nears the end of the night and the bar slowly begins to empty out, you've found yourself at the bar watching everyone says their goodbye and share a hug with you before leaving the building.
the music was faintly playing now, compared to when you had arrived eariler.
solo cups trashed the floor, paper plates and napkins scattered the bar table. you look down at the glass setting in front of you as you swirl around the liquid contents. you didn’t even notice calum approaching.
“how was your birthday?” he hums, sitting next to you.
“good” you smile, resting your head on your hand. “tonight was good. you did great on stage.”
“yeah?” calum raises his eyebrows, you see a playful smirk forming on his lips. “mhm, very rockstar.”
calum laughs at your comment and then the two of you fall silent, watching as some people begin cleaning up the mess.
“can i talk to you?” calum questions, turning his focus back to you.
you nod, “yeah, of course”
“in private.” he adds.
you raise your eyebrows , wondering what he needs to say that he can’t in front of your friends.
“sure”
calum takes your hand and leads you towards the back door, which you had no idea was back here.
when he opens it, you see a patio with a string of fairy lights surrounding the area.
“you’re going to think i was stalking you or something, but this just happened by chance. i swear.” calum stands you in front of him as he reaches in his back pocket and hands you a plane ticket.
“we’ll be in paris on the first leg of our tour and i had an extra ticket.” he stated. you look up at him wide eyed, then do a double take to make sure you were seeing it right. “calum..what? i…i just i can’t just-“
“i want you there.” he adds.
“i want you in paris with me, hell- i want you on the whole tour with me. please, take it” he offers it to you again, making you take it.
“oh my god” you mutter, looking down at the ticket now in your hand.
“the flight is in two days, i know it’s hella last minute but i figured its now or never” calum speaks softly.
you’re still at a loss for words, your body working faster than your mind as your wrap your arms around calums figure. “thank you so much” you say into his shoulder.
“anytime” he hums, hugging you back.
“cmon cal! we gotta head back.” michael can be heard from the bar.
the australian pulls away and offers a warm smile, “see you in paris..” he says and walks off. “bye..”
you’re quick to whip your phone out and text olivia before heading back to your apartment partment
“youll never believe what just happened”
“is this a good or bad thing”
“uhh good? i think? i hope so”
“well dont leave me in the dark what happened”
“calum gave me a ticket to paris” “WHAT, Y/N THATS HUGE. are you gonna go”
“i mean, id feel bad if i didnt. i hate how easy it is for me to like him.”
“we’re so having a debriefing when you get home.”
the plane ride was long and tiresome, eleven hours of being so uncomfortable in the seats and having someone next to you who had no regard for personal space. plus, you just hated planes in general.
but once the plane landed, you felt a wave of relief and soon enough you were off the plane and navigating your way through the foreign airport.
once you get to baggage claim you wait for your luggage and once you have it, you begin looking around for a familiar person.
you round a corner and finally see the one you had been searching for. “there’s my pretty girl” calum says, as his eyes lands on you as he makes his way towards you.
“i look awful calum” you laugh as his arms wrap around you tightly. “no such thing” he says into your hair before pulling away. “how was the flight?” he adds, taking your luggage from your hand then linking his free hand with yours while leading you out of the airport.
“long” you laugh tiredly, as you watch him load your bags into the back of the car.
the uber back to the hotel that calum was staying at was nice, being able to see nice scenery before you’d sleep for the next twelve hours.
the plan was, you’d sleep for as long as you could until calums show tomorrow, then hopefully, you’d be well rested and enjoy his concert and have a few days in the city to spend with him.
still only as friends..right?
while you start unpacking, calum was helping. “when are you going to sleep?” he asks, taking your now empty suitcase and putting it next to his as you were folding and putting the clothes in the dresser. “probably when i get done here.” you say closing the drawer to the dresser.
“no, you’re not” calum says, causing you to stop and turn to him. “what?” you blurt, harsher than you wanted. “what do you mean ‘no’”.
“i mean no because i’m taking you out tonight.” “calum” you try to interject but he doesn’t let you. “were going out tonight, no ands, ifs,or buts. kay?” he says, walking towards you. “and be sure to wear that skirt, you look good in it.” he whispers into your ear.
“what skirt?” you ask, trying to act oblivious.
calum scoffs a little, “you know the one.”
you finish swiping the last bit of mascara onto your lashes and close the tube, then check yourself in the mirror once more wanting to make sure you outfit was good enough.
“you done?” you hear calum voice ring the hotel room into the bathroom. “yeah!” you yell back and grab your lipstick, touching up your lips before throwing it and a gloss in your bag and exit the bathroom .
“you look great” calum grins, walking towards you. his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you closer. you grin, taking notice just how good he looks in leather jacket. “so do you, mr.rockstar.” “yeah?” he smiles, you nod. “yeah. you ready?” you ask. “yep let me get my wallet”
the night was nearing an end, you walked down the street next to calum, luke and sierra followed behind the two of you. calum had taken you all over the city, to nice cafes, his favorite spots from the last time he visited, and a museum. it was truly a wonderful day in the city of love.
the four of your turn a corner and suddenly you’re shocked by the bright dazzling lights of the eiffel tower.
you’re starstruck, you must’ve stopped in your tracks became calum looks back at you, “you comin’?” he grins, holding out his hand for you to take.
you felt like a kid in a candy store as you approached the structure. it felt like something out of a dream. you weren’t sure why you loved the idea of being in paris, but you were here now. standing in front of the famous landmark in the world, it was so beautiful you could cry.
“wow..” you speak breathlessly. the twinkling lights reflected in your eyes, the way it stood out against the dark sky, it felt like the most magical thing you had ever seen.
you’re quick to take your phone out and snap a couple pictures, not wanting to forget this moment. it would be something you would talk about forever.
“hey y/n-“ sierra taps your shoulder. your spin around and face the girl, “mm?”
“care to take a pic of me and luke?”
“sure!” you take the phone from sierra as the couple poses in front of the sight. “i’ll take a couple so pose however you want” you smile and begin snapping pictures of the two.
luke and sierra were a good couple, they complimented each other very well. and from what you’ve seen of sierra she was a good friend and good girlfriend to luke.
“check those, make sure you like them” you hand the phone back to sierra so she can check them.
“perfect! thank you so much!” sierra beams looking at the photos then up at you.
“do you want some with calum?” she asks.
you look over at calum who was already looking at you. “um, sure!” you hand your phone to sierra.
you and calum stand next to each other and let sierra snap a couple pictures together. luke is standing behind sierra watching as she makes sure to get all the angles.
“beautiful!” she exclaims with a wide grin as she hands your phone back to you so you could check the pictures.
you swipe through the pictures awhile calum looks over your shoulder.
“god damn” the australian begins, “we look good together.”
and it was true. you did look good together. maybe you could picture being with him more than his ‘friend’.
your eyes flutter open to the soft rays of the sun peeking in through the sheer white curtains of the hotel room. “morning, pretty” you hear calum say causing you to look over your shoulder where he sat on the opposite side of the bed.
you groan quietly, rubbing your eyes as you slowly sit up to lean against the headboard. “mornin” you reply followed by a yawn. “what time is it?” “noon” calum answers, turning off his phone. “damn” you reply knowing you’ve slept almost a whole day. “sorry” you say but calum shakes his head, “don’t apologize, you needed the rest. plus, you’ll be well rested for tonight” he grins, you shake your head and playfully push his shoulder.
“what’s on the agenda for today?” you yawn again, and calum leans back on the headboard. “well, we have to be at the venue at two and soundcheck is at three”. he says, checking his phone for the time.
“good, gives me plenty of time to get ready” you say, reaching for your phone. “do you want to leave with me or do you wanna just come whenever you’re done?” you shrug thinking about how long it’ll take you to get ready. “i might just uber after i’m done that way i don’t have to rush.” you start, ripping the cover off of your legs. “plus it’ll give me enough time to make sure i look good for you tonight.” you say with a grin before getting out of the bed and making your way to the bathroom.
calum laughs before calling out to you “you’re a tease, you know that?” you smile to yourself using water for your shower. “always!” you holler back.
you’re sat in the back of an uber staring out the back passenger window. the venue isn’t very far from the hotel so the ride wasn’t too bad. when you arrived you saw the line of fans outside all waiting in queue you smiled to yourself, feeling proud of the band, and calum.
you step out of the vehicle and walked around like a lost puppy trying to look for olivia’s brother, mark.
you take the time to see everyone waiting in line dressed in their best and looking beautiful.
“oh thank god” you start, spotting the blonde man. “y/n! you made it!” mark smiles, pulling you in for a hug.
“yeah, thank god, i almost got lost.” mark nods and begins leading you down a long corridor until reaching the dressing rooms. “i figured you’re here for calum?” you look up, staring at him for a moment before blinking. “that obvious huh?” mark laughs, then hands you a vip laminated lanyard. “keep this on you, have fun and enjoy the show.” he adds as he pats your shoulder.
you watch as he walks away, taking a deep breath as you open the door peeking your head in. you see the guys spread out in the room until calum looks up from his phone to greet you.
“its about time you got here, i was about to worry.” he says, now pulling you into their dressing room. his tan arms wrap around your figure and you get a whiff of his cologne.
he keeps you close to your side as the other guys come up to greet you. “was it hard to find?” calum inquires, you shrug, “i walked around the building until i eventually found mark and now im here” you laugh. “probably a little late, traffic was crazy”
calum smiles, “all good, at least you’re here now. that’s all that matters.” he says, slinging his arm over your shoulders.
“all right guys, they’re all ready for you” some stage manager, you had to guess, said as they popped their head in the door.
you separate from calum as he fixed his in-ear-piece and grabs his bass. you smile at him and give him a thumbs up and watch as he followed behind the other three.
“are you sierra and y/n?” and woman enters the room, her dirty blonde hair was cut to about her shoulders but it was obviously growing out. she had a welcoming smile and comforting aura. the two of you nod. “perfect, i’m hannah i can take you guys to your seats!” she beams and then the two of you follow her out into the arena where she showed where the two of you would be at.
side of the pit, calums side, so it was actually perfect for you. “are you guys going to be on the rest of the tour?”
“i will” sierra smiles. then hannah turns towards you.
“oh, i don’t know yet” you laugh, taking a swig of your drink.
“well, i’ll be on the tour with the guys so if you every need anything just look for me.” she smiles again. “enjoy the show!”
it was incredible to see, they were truly in their element. each of the acting as if they were born to be on stage.
“wow!” michael hollers about midway through their performance, taking a small break in between songs. luke is still strumming quietly in the background. “paris, how the fuck are we feeling?!” the crowd erupts in loud cheers.
“it’s great to be back after so long” he continues, then takes a glance at his band mates. “how are you all liking paris?”
“good, i love it here” luke answers, earning a few hollers from the crowd.
“how you liking paris, cal?”
“what about the view here? it’s such a beautiful place” luke interjects.
“you seen anything nice lately, calum?” luke continues
“yup, the views in my hotel room are amazing.”
your heart stopped, it was subtle. just enough for only you to notice. he was definitely mentioning you.
“do you mean from?” luke chimes.
you can faintly see calum smile as he laughs into the mic, “yup, my bad.”
“alrighty then.” michael pauses, luke had taken a few steps back from the mic but could still be been laughing.
“then how about you introduce the next song?”
“the next song is for all those who end up meeting someone and know it won’t be more than just having fun. and they’re okay with that. talk fast.”
you wondered what it looked like from their perspective. you turn to face the crowd and you’re overwhelmed with what you see. people screaming their lungs out to the lyrics, some dancing with their friends, you even see some people crying. you also see some signs. some more creative than others, and some sweeter than others.
you manage to spot one that made you a little uncomfortable; “call me red with the way i be riding hood”
sure, clever, but it made you realize that if you had a shot with calum, what’s stopping him from hooking up with any other fan when you’re not around?
shit.
maybe you did like him more than just a fuck buddy.
during the next intermission you and sierra had made some small talk until you overheard some girls next to you in the pit talking about calum.
“oh i’d totally fuck him.” she says nonchalantly. “i bet you i could easily pull him by the end of the night, i just need to find my way in.” she giggles.
you shift on your feet and turn to sierra who also heard it. “welcome to my life..” she raises her eyebrows then take a sip of her drink.
you sit in silence on the uber ride back to the hotel. calum sat to your right, you knew he was looking at you and he wanted to ask what was wrong.
did you have a bad night?
was the show bad?
the whole way back to the hotel you hadn’t spoken one word to him. you didn’t even look at him.
why did you feel like this?
calum wasn’t even yours. you had no valid reason to be angry.
except you did.
you were afraid that he would want someone else, that you were easily replaceable. you couldn’t deal with that, you couldn’t go through another heartbreak.
you should’ve known that messing with him would’ve lead to this, but you were naïve and wanted something to distract you from your ex boyfriend.
your feet seem to have a mind of their own as you storm past calum and out into the freezing cold.
"y/n/n, cmon don't be this way", he laughs innocently while pacing himself behind you.
you don’t say anything except press the elevator button and wait impatiently for the doors to open. you really couldn’t tell anyone why you were being so stubborn, hell, you didn’t even know why.
once the doors opened you were quick to slip in and press the button to your floor. you stand with your arms crossed, staring blankly at the metal. doors. you were quietly wishing he would say something, anything at all.
“y/n?” he tries reaching for your arm but you shrug him off. “not in the mood cal.” you reply. you knew you were being stubborn and very annoying.
he hasn’t given you a reason to act this way towards him.
you knew you were overreacting. plain and simple.
*ding*
the elevator doors opened and you walk through the hallway towards your bedroom. you scan the keycard and open the door letting calum follow behind you like a lost puppy.
you throw your purse on the bed and take your jacket off. “y/n. please.” you hear him sigh. calum feels guilty and he doesn’t even know what the hell he did. but whatever it was he was going to fix it. he couldn’t take you being mad at him like that.
“why dont you go bother someone else, looked like there was plenty that would love to be in your bed” you hiss, the words spilling from your lips like venom.
calum stops in his tracks, also removing the leather jacket from his shoulders and tossing it on the bed. “what?” he asks, dumbfounded.
“don’t play dumb, cal.”
“i don’t know what you mean, y/n.” he bites back.
“i mean, if you can sleep around with me what’s stopping you from sleeping with your fans?” you confess.
calum just stares at you, “what? what are you talking about?” the bassist was genuinely confused, you had never reacted, at least, not when he was around.
“the people at the show, cal. the signs, their outfits, the way they talk about you-“
calum cuts you off, “look, i don’t know where this is coming from or why you’re acting like this but-“
“i’m acting like this because it was never just about being friends with benefits calum!” you confess, staring at him intently. “i can’t keep acting like im okay with not being able to love you. i don’t want to be hurt again. not by you”
everything came spewing out of you like a waterfall. all the months of pent up frustration and confusion had finally found its way into the world.
you were so frustrated you didn’t even realize what you had said, you turn to look out the window and stare at the lights from the city.
calum doesn’t say anything, racking his brain to make sure he heard you right. you said you loved him, without really even saying the three words.
“you said you love me.”
you look over at him, “what?”
“you just said you ‘can’t keep acting like you don’t love me’.” he repeats.
you shake your head and look away from him. “i didn’t.” you try to get him to leave it alone.
“you did” he sighs, coming next to you and takes you by the shoulders and turns you to face him. “you practically said you love me.”
“calum-“
“i love you too.” he smiled. “i don’t know if that means anything now but i do. i have for a while.” he confessed.
“y/n, you’re nothing like i imagined you would be. when i met you that night in the bar i thought you’d be like all the other girls, which i know doesn’t help, but; this has been the best past year of my life and i think of you more than someone i fuck occasionally.” calum is looking into your eyes. “you’re more than that, y/n/n.”
there are tears welling in your eyes, you shake your head. “i don’t want to be hurt again. i don’t think i could take it.” calum nods, reaching for your hands.
“i understand, but trust me when i say that id never do anything to hurt you, okay?” calum assures, “you’re everything and more.”
*buzz*
*buzz buzz*
you groan and reach for your phone, opening one eye to look at the notifications. you have over ten messages and five calls from olivia. you sigh, wanting to ignore her antics but maybe it was an emergency. you unlock your phone and see all the messages.
‘girl check instagram.’
‘what time is it there’s
‘are you asleep?’
‘omg omg y/n!!!!’
‘you’re not gonna believe this.’
‘girl i’m freaking out !!!!!’
‘y/n please check your instagram.
‘you’re gonna flip.’
‘ please wake up.’
‘i’m calling you’
you sit up in confusion and then check your other notifications to see over hundreds of notifications from instagram. “what the hell” you croak and then open the app.
‘calumhood tagged you in a post.’
you swipe through the pictures until you see the very last picture which was you standing in front of the eiffel tower with your back turned to him admiring the view and then you saw the caption; “they say paris is the city of love <3”
you practically shoot up from your position staring wide eyed at the phone. you read some of the comments in a panic.
‘lukehemmings: it’s about damn time’
ashtonirwin: finally! don’t hurt my girl;)
calumhood replying to ashtonirwin: your girl?
ashtonirwin replying to calumhood: yep:)
michaelclifford: called it!
sierradeaton: you posted the pic !! omg !!!
5sos_updates: the last slide omg!?!? also last night was crazy!
iheartcalumhood: who’s the girl?
“calum??” you say out, hoping he was still in the room.
you hear the bathroom door open. “yeah?” he asks walking around the corner only dressed in a pair of basketball shorts.
“why did you post that?” you ask showing him the instagram post. “i wanted to prove to you that everything i said last night is true”
you blink, staring at him with little to no expression. “your first thought to do that was post me on your instagram?”
“uhh i guess? should i not have done that?” you crack a smile and look down at your phone, “i cant believe you, cal.” you say, falling back on the bed to scroll through more comments.
“can’t go back on it now” he says, standing at the foot at the bed.
“you’re stuck with me forever” he says crawling on the bed, hovering over your figure. “really? because ashton said i was his girl. sounds like you have some competition, hood.” you state, showing calum his comment.
he takes your phone and tosses it somewhere else on the bed. “nope, you’re my girl forever and always.” he hums leaning in to leave kisses on your neck which earned giggles from you. “calum!”
#5sos fan fiction#5sos smut#bartxnhood asks#bartxnhood writes#5sos imagine#5sos fanfic#5sos#calum hood angst#luke hemmings fanfic#luke hemmings x reader#calum hood blurbs#calum hood#calum hood fluff#calum hood 5sos#calum hood fanfic#calum hood x reader#calum hood imagine
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𝐀 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙢𝙖 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 (Pt.2)
Warnings; bad writing, possessive behavior, really ooc (I'm 90% sure that I missed the mark on this one), talks of Diane's rape, yandere if you really squint ig.
If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡
Oml, tumblr's being a little bitch right now, I literally cannot right now. I'm going to repost Pt.1 and Pt.2. I'm so sorry, I have no clue as to why I have a word limit rn... Just know that this is super ooc :/
When Jack falls, he falls hard, and let's just say that he's never fallen. Throughout his whole life, his only goal was to avenge his mother and bring back her honor, hoping to achieve this by defeating his father, Yuujirou Hanma. Jack, himself, has stated multiple times throughout the show that he has no interest in women, money, or fame, only wanting to achieve his goal of revenge. This obviously means that he has no experience with women, and unlike Kastumi, it's by choice. He doesn't want to fall in love.
I think that Jack doesn't believe in love, that it's something that's fake and fabricated to appease another. There's no such thing as love at first sight and wanting to hold someone for comfort and not just to get off. These thoughts are so out of Jack's worldview that he sees them as just fiction that others' are pathetic enough to believe.
And, adding to that, I think that Jack would have a hard time understanding Baki and his relationship with Kozue. Baki and Kozue have been there for each other, showing true love, something that Jack's never had. Jack eventually learns to respect Baki, after some trial and error throughout the series, but he can't seem to understand why someone like Baki would believe in something as fictional as love.
Moving on from that, I think that Jack's childhood developed this sense of disgust toward love and just being vulnerable in general. I mean, imagine being born to a woman who was raped by the man she was supposed to kill, that's obviously not going to be the best childhood.
I can't imagine that Diane, Jack's mama, would ever show him such motherly love that's expected from a mama to her son. I think that's partially because of how Jack was conceived and her personality. Diane, whether it was a part of her persona as 'Jane' or not, was portrayed as a cold woman who had little regard for human life, and I can't see how she'd ever show warmth toward Jack when he was young.
While we don't know much about Jack's childhood or what happened to Diane later on in her life, I'm assuming that she never pursued relations with any other man, seeing as Yuujiro's actions caused her such distress. This means that Jack never grew up with a father figure present in his life, rather than his absent father, Yuujiro.
I'd assume that Diane would never speak nicely of Yuujiro, seeing as he raped her, and it was her original intention to kill him. Because children are like sponges, Jack probably absorbed all of Diane's hatred and general negativity towards his father, as he should, and internalized this anger.
Overall, Jack's situation growing up left no room for him to experience what love looked like, in a healthy manner. He never had parents who lead a good example, keeping him in the dark about any positives of being in a relationship. And that's what I think the root is for his distaste for being vulnerable, and the idea of being in a relationship with another.
Not only that, but I think that his mama's rape only caused Jack to view sex in a negative light, seeing that's how he was conceived. Now, I don't think that Jack is repulsed by sex in general, but I just think that he doesn't find it as welcoming (?) as other men would. I'm not too sure how to phrase it, but it's just not appealing to him, compared to most men.
However, that changes when he meets you, you, you.
There's no such thing as 'love at first sight' to Jack. He has to know a person for a year or so before he even considers having a lengthy conversation with them, where he actually puts a little effort into speaking with them. Jack's a very closed-off individual who has severe trust issues, as most figures do, and he can't open up to someone he's known for a short time.
This means that for you to catch his attention, that means that there's something special that he saw, whether you notice it or not doesn't matter. Jack saw something in you. Maybe it was how transparent you were, possibly your wisdom, it doesn't matter too much.
(little side tangent)
Though I do see Jack enjoying a partner who's similar to a therapist, someone with a lot of advice to give, someone with a shit ton of wisdom. An observer would be a good fit for Jack, they don't have to be studious or very loud, and he doesn't mind either. It's just that he needs someone who can read him easily because Jack has his own language of sorts (@yandere-writer-momo has discussed this in some of her posts).
It's odd because Jack is oh so blunt, but he holds back whenever it comes to his emotions, wanting to avoid being vulnerable. He doesn't hesitate to threaten someone or tell them that he doesn't like him, he doesn't have a problem with that. But whenever he finds you pretty, or likes the dress you're wearing, even if he thinks you're not taking care of yourself, he'll always phrase it in a "brutish" way.
Instead of saying "Your hair looks nice today" or "Have my jacket, you look cold," instead, he'll say "Did you do something to your hair? It doesn't look like shit today" or "You're built like a stick, you should work out more" as he hands you his jacket (more so throwing it over your shoulders and walking away).
And that's why he needs someone who can read through his insulting behavior, knowing that he's just shielding himself from appearing weak. Being observant is a requirement to having a successful relationship with Jack, and possibly with most of the men in Baki. All of them are so emotionally constipated, that they need someone who can read them like a book to actually have a progressive relationship.
Because of your ability to allow him to open up without words he knows attached, always thinking about you, you, you. He needs to protect you, the one person who understands him on a different level than everyone else. You're able to calm him down with a simple nod, practically telling him that you understood what he was trying to say. You don't just see him as the son of Yuujiro Hanma or as the man who's ruined his body with steroids and intense training techniques, instead, you see him as Jack.
The initial attraction he had toward you, when you first crossed paths, was more superficial than what I was talking about in the previous paragraph. It's most likely a simple case of curiosity that drew him to you. You somehow stood apart from others, causing his eyes to drift to you every time he scanned a crowd. It's possible that you were overly positive, keeping a smile on your face no matter what, or you were oddly quiet, silently observing everyone.
It could've just been your looks that made you attractive! Though Jack is emotionally stunted, even he can appreciate a nice piece of ass!
Either way, throughout the time and as your relationship progresses, the more you two talk, the more he begins to respect your character. Jack begins to see you for who you are and understands that you see him the way he sees you. (sorry that was a confusing sentence lol)
I'm not too sure if any of you have seen the movie Avatar, but in the movie, they use the phrase 'I see you,' and I think that it fits Jack's personality perfectly. It's more than love to Jack, and he likely doesn't even comprehend that it's love in the first year or so. It's something deeper than that, it's understanding each other on a primal level. Jack doesn't just understand your body and how it moves, or what to do to get it going, he understands how you think, and how you feel. But not in a weird way, in a loving way, y'know?
The two of you are like other halves, you'd have to be for Jack to pursue you. Jack has to know that you're meant for him. He's never even considered dating another person, let alone revealing himself to someone else.
#jack hammer#jack hanma#jack hanma x reader#jack x reader#yandere character#yandere headcanons#baki the grappler#baki dou#obsessive love#lovesick#yandere x reader#yandere x you#x reader#yandere male#baki x reader#baki headcanons#baki hanma#baki son of ogre#bad writing
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🪄🧠
a brain busted lunacy letter to:
YOU AND UR VERY OWN HUMAN EYES- READING THIS RIGHT NOW
+ tumblr,
I need each and every one of you to pls hear me out: i want you to feel it too. Remember long form content? Alright, gather your tits. Let’s get into it. 😈 if you remember how to read … come down there and see it for yourself.
hey you little bag of flesh meat, cartridge, water and electricity… come closer i said… 🙂
I deeply find the tumblr space, as a whole, so vitally valuable to our current society. I, like all of you, have painstakingly enjoyed sifting, repurposing, creating, and displaying a woven unique tapestry… mine is currently over 10 years long. A historical virtual “scroll” 📜… Manila ironic in the worst way: the scroll 🤳🏾 that consumes us.
This isn’t MINDLESSLY scrolling… it feels like… peaking penetratingly into the minds of human beings through their own perceptions.
Every fucking photo, gif, text post, meme, story, song, collage, any and all of it … was put there purposely. Everything … means something to someone here. That’s … fucking incredible.
That’s … fucking human magic. 🪄 something no other social media platform can recreate in the world of TikTok’s, we remained tumblr.
Every single mf time I find a new blog or revisit a mutual’s blog… and I just burst with color and vibrance and wild wickedness and I … drift… loosing myself in the back of your brains, I’m saved.
I’m saved from my own brain, trauma, habits, hangups, mental health… I’m just safe.. tucked behind YOUR brain… and they always fucking feel JUST like mine… so thank you.
I love human beings so much and this is my MOST favorite way to experience them. I’m so fucking happy I haven’t been able to log back into my TIKTOK for months. This is the only place I want to be when I’m online.
The tumblr scroll is so much more healthy: i see these feeds as very distinct and endlessly versatile flip book of human ingenuity and stupidity and comradery and community stitched together to make a pattern that mirrors a portion of a person… can you imagine? IT’S FASCINATING! I mean I know It’s equally ugly here and often… yet outstandingly but overwhelmingly … this is a safe space for creators and the many fandoms we express and decompress with.
i remain almost speechless,on the brink of pure pleasure… on how absolutely embedded i am into all of your collective energy on this stupid little imperfectly perfect fucked up little platform.
Look at April Fool’s Day: Tumblr reminded us all.. to just exhale and have fun TOGETHER. Ugh. gut me gently with the sheer scale of talent and genius and curiosity and kindness and skill and silly and authentic and absurd and individual yet succinct creation of … art. Of feed art. 🖼️ the scale and silly of the creativity around that now HOLIDAY, was tremendous and stupid and clever and community and inclusive.
i hope to one day gain support in organizing and leading a team of experts to create a true con for us. i have experience in events and .. I care. 🧠🪄
tumblr… this … is one of my longest lasting relationships, and i cherish the time so very dearly. From screaming at porn bots to whispering to mutuals… I’m so grateful for all of it.
#tumblr community#i love tumblr#tumblr drama#tumblr meta#tumblr theme#tumblr update#writers on tumblr#tumblr girls#black tumblr#tumblr#tumblr staff#staff picks#staff#personal#borderline Belle#mental health#mentally exhausted#healing#mental health matters#girlblogging#recovery#release#tumblr is my diary#tumblr lore#dashcon
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Astrology Observations :)
preface: this is my first time doing this, these are all either my personal placements or I've had multiple experiences with a certain placement. none of this is absolute, pretty pls take it with a grain of salt, these are very general. Every single one of these placements depend on aspects in an individuals chart. WARNING: some 18+ topics. Enjoy :)
Mercury in the 8th house: naturally good at reading people, interested in psychology, religion, spirituality, astrology. chronic over thinkers + intrusive thoughts galore. could either really enjoy giving/ receiving head and/or dirty talk, reading smut.
Pisces Mars: sweethearts on the surface, usually soft-spoken or doesn’t talk much, spends more time observing or making up scenarios. also another overthinking placement. could also be someone who does drugs/ drinks alcohol. excels in the entertainment industries (film, theatre, music, art etc). either have a piss kink, foot fetish, or demisexual.
Scorpio Venus: intense lovers. my ex had this placement and told me he’d die for me only knowing me 3 months. my sister also has this placement and will not eat dinner without her husband (could be the taurus opposition = not eating (taurus) until lover (Venus) is around), I think it’s a symbol of loyalty. once this placement finds value in someone, they are ride or die type loyal until you betray them. may stay in relationships longer than they should because it’s fixed emotion unless they finally see it themselves.
Cancer Moon (men specifically): I've had 3 cancer moon men take me to the beach on our first date. they’re always gassing themselves up on their cooking skills. their moms can be really restricting, especially those with Saturn in cancer as well. I've also seen their moms be really detached, cold, basically telling them to fend for themselves. highly intuitive but may get too caught up in the potential of a situation/ person and being disappointed when reality is different. hopeless romantics fr just throwing themselves into anyone they have a good feeling about without the physical proof.
Fixed Rising: the RBF (I love y’all).
Vedic v. Tropical Astrology: honestly I think they’re both valid, and everyone should decide what placements resonate more with who they feel they are. Ex: I have Venus, Jupiter, and my Sun in the 7th in Virgo (Tropical) but they’re in the 8th in Leo (Vedic). I feel more of the 8th house but in Virgo.
Pisces moons: I never feel like they’re listening to me if they aren’t looking at me because when they’re looking at me I can literally see them digesting the info w/ their dreamy eyes, but when they look away I just know they’re imagining some kind of fantasy that has nothing to do with the convo.
Libra Moons: try to be soft and sweet but they have that fiery underside. I've noticed they’ll get all excited and sometimes aggressive and then apologize for it, like no girl look at you having a good time. they usually look aesthetically pleasing, you will never catch them not matching/ lookin raggedy in public, but they won’t judge others for it, Virgo and Taurus will haha.
Virgo + Libra: specifically rising + degrees, moon, or Venus combo usually have clear, healthy looking skin, especially after high school w/o all the teen acne hormones.
Moon Conjunct Pluto: anyone else noticed the effect these placements have on their peers? it’s so weird but people are like magnetized to whatever house this placement is in. I guess cos it’s generational and yk it’s Pluto, but people around this placement can’t help but be enticed by these individuals. could be amazing actors if they can harness those dark emotions into a piece of work. these are the type of people to succeed out of spite of their trauma; very determined people. they can put such dark emotions into easy actions and words that others find hard to say out loud but they don’t shy away from dark stuff, they’ve dealt with darker topics since they were young.
Neptune in the 1st house: people constantly projecting onto these placements ! it’s important these people form a ground sense of self they can remind themselves of when they feel like someone is protecting on them. I have this placement and someone told me I was intoxicating to be around/ they felt intoxicated around me though they are sober. I fr think people get drunk off the illusion of this placement. These people are never what people say they are, if you want to get to know them I beg of you to please talk to them yourself instead of listening to others opinion of them. the women are cursed with the manic pixie dream girl trope. hella sex appeal bc of the blurred perceptions. make amazing actors/ musicians. very intuitive placement, but can doubt themselves.
#astrology observations#astrology observations#vedic astrology#moon conjunct pluto#mercury in 8th house#pisces mars#scorpio venus#virgo#libra#pisces moon#neptune in the first house
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Tighnari NSFW Alphabet pt. 1 ⊱☆⊰
warnings: aside from the obvious smut, i hint at yandere tighnari briefly.
a/n: i was planning on posting this last friday but i completely forgot...hehe. i've been playing the star rail to the honkai or whatever the title is supposed to mean /j
PART TWO
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Laps up any type of marking he left on you during sex. Bite marks, love bites, etc. It comes to him as natural as breathing, it’s wired into the most primitive section of his brain to tend to his mate’s marks. If you were to point this out to him, he would get a little flustered and consciously try not to do it again (he always fails, by the way). You must let him know that you either think it’s cute or you don’t mind.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
His tail. Have you seen how many voice lines he has talking about his tail? Okay, to be fair, there's only three, I think. Point is, he takes great care of his tail and properly grooms it every day. So soft, fluffy, you could fall asleep on it with how pleasant it is. All thanks to the amount of attention and thorough routine he keeps it on.
His ears are a close second, if only not for the occasional unwanted attention, they would be number one.
On his partner, he tends to deviate his attention to their neck and collarbones. This is yet ‘nother tendency that stems from his primitive side of marking up.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Mother nature did a great job at ensuring their species lives on for a long time because when Tighnari cums, it's gonna be a lot. And it's of a thick consistency, he always apologizes for how much he cums, because it always ends up trickling down your thighs and leaving you full. That is, of course, if you allow him to breed you. Otherwise, if he's cumming down your throat or outside, it's going to shoot quite far so you might want to be careful with that.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Scenting. Whether that's leaving his scent on you or vice versa. He's not touchy with just anyone, aside from general courteous gestures or when he must take care of some unfortunate adventurer. When he really likes someone, he's more open to receiving physical contact. So, if you want to go in for a hug before you leave, he'll accept it gladly. The first time you hugged him, he didn't understand why he felt so pent up until he realized he could still smell your scent on his clothes and skin. That's when it clicked for him: one, his scent's still on you too, even if your nose might not be as sensitive as his; and two: he really, really likes having your aroma lingering around him. I'll leave to your imagination what he did with his hoodie that day.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
We can assume that, since his kin is based on fennec foxes, they put great value on interpersonal relationships. It's not common for them to get too close in that way just with anyone. Therefore, there's a good chance you're the first person he ever gets that comfortable with. If you'll indulge him, make sure you'll stay with him always, unless you want to trigger some not healthy amount of obsession with you.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
He tries to be romantic and go with the position he believes is the least nerve-wracking for you both and starts with missionary, which he progressively lets himself go and end up as a mating press. That's at least until you both get used to each other, and then he switches it up to you on your hands and knees, and, occasionally, prone bone. He prefers those positions because he believes it's more comfortable for him to latch on your neck and circle your waist with his arms. A movement which is necessary thanks to how rough he can get during it, his instincts tell him to hold on to you and keep you still to ensure you accept all of him.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Serious but if he sees you're tense he'll make some comment on something dumb to try to take your mind away from your nervousness. Although, he's more inclined to sort to comforting words rather than funny comments.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Trimmed. It can get quite bushy if left unattended, so I think he’d rather keep it trimmed.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
I see our beloved foxboy gravitate more towards being romantic during intimacy. He doesn’t mind telling you how much you mean to him, in fact—he wants you to feel loved. Although his words are sweet when you’re in that mood, his movements don’t get any softer. He really tries to be gentle, but if he notices you have a particular liking to him going harder, he can lose a bit of control.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
A vicious loop. His position as the lead forest watcher is a hectic one, he barely has any time for himself. Which aids on his frustration build up more. On nights he can’t sleep because of all that pent up stress, he resorts to it.
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PAC // The next chapter in your love life 💖
Hi babes! Welcome to another PAC. This is about what is about to come in your love life because of this Venus starpoint, remember this is a general reading so take only what resonates. This is mostly related to single people but there are also messages in every pile for people who are already in a relationship.
Take a deep breath and choose the pile you feel more drawn to, if you feel attracted to more than one pile read it as well, it might has a hidden message for you.
For private readings click here
Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners.
Pile 1 Pile 2
Pile 3 Pile 4
1. THE MUSES:
Current energies:
(Cards: Queen of gems, 9 of gems rev, 6 of wings / 3 of wings)
Congrats pile 1! You've been making a hard work to nurture your own needs and improve your independence, you are being constant and consistent in this transit of healing you knew you had to go through to attract a healthy romance. You are releasing past pain related to relationships and your expectations about it, your perspective of love is changing for the better and you must be feeling it very soon if you haven't already. Now you feel more confident about yourself but also about what you are willing to accept in love terms, your standars are high but realistic, you are realizing what you really want in a love partner but being gentle with your needs and taste and you don't mind wait for your special person because the love you want to attract is like a twin flame connection, you want the one person that matches you and you know it's so worthy that you don't mind wait for your special person meanwhile you attend yourself.
What plays at your favor and what to avoid:
(Cards: Knight of wands, The well rev / Ace of cups)
Your passion and free spirit will be your card under the sleeve, putting energy into your personal long term goals and ignite the fire within you. You have found out something that fullfils your soul, you can be even aligned with your purpose on this lifetime, invest energy in what really awakes your passion and opens the road to your future happiness, even more if this is related to a career or a job. Don't hesitate when it comes to make decitions, be open to new opportunities and allow yourself to explore what those opportunities has in store for you, so open up to the world, love.
What you need to avoid is overthinking and spending too much time in your imagination, use it wisely to visualize what you want but don't let that visualizations be more real than your current life. Also there can be some insecurities that holds you back from taking the risk and embody the energy of the knight of wands, babe you are harder than the hard circumstances you've been through, trust yourself because you are unstoppable and filled with willpower.
I have good news for you! After a short time for you to embrace your fierce energy someone will come up to you with love intentions if you are single. This person is someone with clear ideas about what they want and they are not shy at all, they'll have an eye on you before you even realize and will give the first step to you in the most unexpected way, you won't see them coming. For people already in a relationship you can expect an unexpected but healthy movement from your partner that is going to bring so much happines and peace to the relationship.
Divine guidance:
(Cards: Religious factors, chemistry)
You've been waiting for so long, my love! Idk what you have been through in your love life but I feel a deep agony feeling in my stomach. Probably you have suffered a lot of anxiety with your past partners but I promise you, you will never go through that pain again, you had to learn the hard way but you learnt the lesson anyway and that helped you become the person you are today. Think that the people that did you wrong in the past were the ones who lost you, you haven't lost anything but gained a lot of wisdom through your journey, you are strong, you are fierce and you are wise give the proper value to your journey and all you had accomplished. Also you have an strong spiritual guidance and protection, they want you to know that the worst has left behind and your love life is going to improve very soon but you also need to open up and socialize a little bit more to see who you share that chemistry you've been looking for, you will find great friendships too.
Something relevant to know:
(Cards: Kisses, soul mates, addiction // Libra, the Moon, 4th house)
You are attracting a soul mate that is about to come, it's really close, someone who will fall deeply in love with you, for the ones who are already in a relationship this person you are with is the one you can build a life with. For singles, this is someone completely new, nothing from your past or at least, if you know them you never had anything romantic with this person. They are straight forward with you from the very first moment, they will want everything with you and that might scare you when happens, their intensity and assertiveness can be too much for you at the beginning. This person is fast but steady, they know what they want and go after it with no hesitation and that straight forward attitude can be intimidating for you but it's because a blockage you have within related to codependence but I feel at the same time some trust issues, that's why the cards through all the spread reminds you to trust yourself and don't try to control the uncontrolable. Don't let fear of what could go wrong stop you from reaching the happiness you've been looking for, let your feelings guide you, you'll realize that this person makes you feel happy, safe, respected and supported, they'll be what you wanted so bad so just thank it and enjoy it.
Your person looks very attractive for many people, they have this charming magnetic aura around them, they have a great taste of fashion too, probably has many secret admirers. You can know them through a family member or someone you know from your childhood (I hear something about an school classmate), you could also meet them at night, they have something that feels familiar for you even if you haven't ever seen them before. They are very into pda so they will try to get close to you and touch you when you two spend time together, I see this specific situation of you two sitting in a sofa and there's something between the two of you, like a party bag or a cushion and they try many times to throw that obstacle away to be closer to you. They are emotional but don't like feeling vulnerable so they might try to hide this sentimental side of themselves (but they will probably cry when in a movie a pet passes away), their love language is mostly physical touch. They might be a Libra moon or has the moon in the 4th house.
Manifest love:
(Cards: Supermoon, Cardinal moon)
Listen to your emotions, babe, they are trying to communicate some traits you weren't aware of related to the way you handle relationships in general not just in romantic terms. As the previous part said, you are dealing with some kind of attachment or addiction that is keeping you blocked and in a melancholic vibe. Be conscious about this attachment when it wants to sabotage you, be bold and overcome that fear, deep inside you know there's nothing to worry about.
2. POCAHONTAS:
Current energies:
(Cards: Strenght rev, Ace of roses rev, Death / The moon rev)
I see you very confused about your love life, there's a lack of understanding to what is happening to you in love terms. You are dealing with self sabotage, my love, I see very specific situations... you might be working with attraction or assumption law visualizing what you really want but on your ideals for a partner there is a lot of confusing energies. Maybe you want someone adventurous and fiery but at the same time someone that loves to stay at home and be like a teddy bear, grounded and stable, idk if I'm explaining this imbalance correctly, you need to be more precise with your intentions and aware if what you want to attract is really what will make you happy in the future. For others I see you very rigid in your standars and rejecting people very easily without giving them the proper time to really know those people and if they can match you. If you already have a love partner you might be unconsciously looking for flaws in them because you are not feeling very plenty but in whichever scenario you are in you need to give an step back to see this situation with perspective because this blockage is related to fear, and it'sprobably a repetitive situation you've been involved before, like the people are different but the situation is the same. You need to see if this insatisfaction is within you or is because of the romantic interest you are dealing with, maybe you are preventing suffering and not allowing yourself to feel to protect your heart. If you are single you must analyze if you are sabotaging the love opportunities that the Universe brings you, if you are already with someone analyze as well if you are feeling bad because something is happening within you or this feeling is caused by the person you are with. Don't fear looking at this aspect of yourself because the lesson behind will break a karmic pattern.
What plays at your favor and what to avoid:
(Cards: 2 of pentacles, 7 of swords rev / 4 of cups)
When we spend too much time alone with ourselves we begin to love more our own company and avoid spending energy with some people, this is even more deep when we have traumatic past experiences. You might be so comfortable with yourself that involving with somebody else looks like a nice idea but uncomfortable at the same time, you would like to but maybe another day. Babe, if you feel ready for love you just are, open up to love and enjoy but if you are not in the mood you need to respect that feeling as well. If your heart feels ready to open up just allow it and avoid mental games or trying to look for the flaw, if your heart is calling you to spend more time alone do it too, listen to your heart babe, if you don't the only thing you will get is the feeling of insatisfaction.
Divine guidance:
(Cards: You deserve to be loved / healing family wounds)
Self care is the key! Giving yourself the love you want to recieve is what you need to do to attract the love life you dream of. For singles, this moment is calling you to dig within yourself and attend the wounded parts of yourself that are still bleeding, mostly related to your inner child and your love language. For the people with a love partner is almost the same, you need to know what you like and dislike in love and your emotional needs, is a selfish mindset to expect from our partners to solve our problems or know our needs if we haven't told them or we don't even know our needs, is like asking to our partner for reading our minds instead of communicating what we want or need. Self discovery is also a love story, babe, the most unique one, I learnt some time ago that when we need something from others is because deep inside we feel unfulfilled and ask for someone to fill that void we feel uncapable to fulfill, this trait is really unhealthy for both parts of the relationship, the healthy midset would when you feel so satisfied with your life that you choose the right person for you, choosing instead of needing.
Something relevant to know:
(Cards: Wedding rings, engagement ring, the phoenix / Piscis, the Sun, 4th house)
For the people who already are in a relationship I'm happy to say that your person is going to have a very deep commitment with you, making you release any doubt you were having. For some of you your person can even give you an engagement ring if you are at that stage of your relationship, for others can be getting a pet or moving together. After this movement everything will change for the better and after a while you will wonder why were you so scared for such a wonderful outcome.
For singles, this is about commit with yourself and what really makes you happy, give yourself the love and treatment you like and deserve because soon after someone will approach you when you less expected. Get to know yourself deeply, babe, you'll fall in love with the fantastic human being you are, you can ask your guides for help too, they are always there to give you a helping hand.
The person you are attracting is someone that wants a serious commitment, they feel ready for a long term relationship. They are very emotionally mature people but also very romantic, their love language can be spending quality time together and acts of service because they will want to make your life easier. Your person is someone creative and doesn't fear expressing their sensitive nature, their job can be something that involves creativity too. They are warm and charming, the way they love is pure, loyal and deep, they will feel like a safe place for you. They might be a Pisces sun or has the sun in the 4th house
Manifesting love:
(Cards: New moon in gemini / Supermoon)
Communicate your feelings babe, speak your truth to those who love you and tell them about your true feelings. Your emotions are overflowing right now and that can lead to confusion or overwhelming, saying out loud what we feel makes us realize of the things we weren't aware of, and if we speak with the people we trust they can give us another perspective of the situation. If you don't feel comfortable or if it's hard for you to find someone to trust your feelings you can write them as well, create a journal where you can express and unblock your throat chakra, but babe, there are people around you can trust, just look better the people around you. Singing can be very healing too.
3. Lilo and Stitch:
Current energies:
(Cards: The chariot rev, King of gems rev, Queen of gems / The lovers rev)
I feel that the major part of this pile is for people with somebody already in their lives, can be a solid relationship or just a romantic interest, if you are single go read the part of Manifest love, there will be more information for you there. If you've been doubting of this connection listen carefully to that gut feeling. Well... are you sure you want to spend your precious energy in this connection? Think about it with cold head, maybe you find out how draining this relationship is for you. All cards are reversed but the queen of gems is upright (the card of the nurturer), what I see here is an unbalanced relationship where just one side of the couple is making the effort to make the other part happy, specially the femenine energy of the relationship (energy, not gender). Think about the love and care you are giving to this connection and if your person is commiting with it as much as you do, you probably find out that this is one sided connection and you are giving your energy to someone who doesn't seem to appreciate what you have to offer. You deserve someone who can't control an smile when they see you, someone that worries about you and wants to see you happy, don't settle down for less. You are too much art for someone who lacks sensivity 💕
If you are single, babe, just wait for a little more time for your person, the options that are around you right now are not the best options for you and if you try something with them it can be a very stressful and exhausting relationship.
What plays at your favor and what to avoid:
(Cards: 10 of pentacles; Knight of cups rev / The Hierophant)
My love, look around you and see how far you've come in your personal life, you are blessed and abundant. Some good news related to your resources or money are going to come soon if they haven't come yet, this is like a Divine gift the Universe want to give you to keep moving forwards and reach your goals. Invest more in yourself and spend more time with the people you feel comfortable with, you have some admirers so if you don't mind being the center of attention just enjoy it because you are magnetic right now for everyone who gets close to you, you shine bright and there are many people waiting to get close and know you better, there's something very beautiful and captivating about you that is very hard to resist, everyone who gets to know your precious heart will fall deeply in love with you, you are magical, babe and you deserve to feel that way.
What you need to avoid is to be expecting too much about the person you are dealing with romantically, take distance and let them miss you, they will show if they are worthy of your time and energy or not. They probably will be showing a very childish attitude, don't justify those kind of behaviors on others if you don't justify it for yourself, embrace your values and never allow anyone to act badly torwards you if you would never act that way torwards them. Be faithful to yourself and what you believe is right and if this person doesn't treat you with the love you deserve just let them go, they don't deserve you then. The first commitment you focus on should be with yourself.
Divine guidance:
(Cards: Religious factors; worth waiting for / Deception)
Don't get scared if you read the cards that dropped, all the spread tells you about the harm that is causing you your current relationship or connection. I don't want to tell you what to do but these cards and the cards from the next part of the reading are repeating the same, that person you are with is not your ideal person and someday, somehow they will do or say something that is going to be very revealing to you in the negative way.
There's an obvious deception and for some this will be more painful than for others, cutting ties with someone you've worked so hard to be with and you love is painful but is even more terrible to be with someone who only takes and never gives, being always expecting them to do something for you that they are not willing to do is heart breaking and you don't deserve to feel that pain because you are worthy of true and unconditional love.
Babe, by now give the love you need to yourself and don't expect it from anyone else, you are loving, caring and nurturing, you are the f*** Queen of Gems! Focus all that tenderness on you, pamper and also heal yourself, this deception is still or will be something painful that needs its proper time to heal so take care of your heart. As the cards say, the love of your life is worth the wait, be patient and take care of yourself meanwhile, your guides has someone very special in store for you, and great things takes time.
Something relevant to know:
(Cards: Broken heart, mask / Gemini, the Moon, 3rd house)
First of all, how is your throat chakra? I feel it needs more balance, sacral chakra does too. Babe, I know you won't like to know this but all the spread has been leading to this heartbreak card. The person you are dealing right now is going to reveal you their true face and will be very different to what you thought, their mask will fall and you probably won't like what was hiding under. I'm sad to tell you to be aware of their behavior because with their words they might try to harm you and make you feel bad, maybe agressive words are their survival mechanism when they feel exposed. Don't let them hurt your feelings, all they can do or say will reveal themselves, their true intentions and what they are capable of, it's nothing about you, remember that in this relationship you were the Queen of gems, they were the one that were taking a very narcissistic attitude.
Communication will be the best way to get an answer about your person, tell them about your feelings and desires for your relationship and see what they have to say, a serious conversation about the outcome of your relationship can give you a clarer vision to make a decition.
Manifesting love:
(Cards: Full moon in aries / New moon in gemini)
For the ones in a relationship the end of a toxic and harmful cicle is about to approach, be careful with your words, don't be agressive with them and don't tolerate if your person use harmful words torwards you. Even if your relationship gets a literal ending or just the end of a pattern, after that things will move smother for you, this situation probably has a karmic lesson behind.
For singles you might have been deceipted by the options you have for romantic terms or the people you have dealt with in your past, none of them really makes you feel that kind of love you are looking for. You are meant to spend the rest of your life with someone that really match with you, you look for something deep and if you are into the spiritual path you are aligning with the journey of twin flames. Your true love might take a little more time to reach your life but they will surely are worth the wait, meanwhile try to open up your throat chakra and speak with more people, a refresh in the people of your enviroment can be very helpful due to the dissapointment you have with the people already in.
You can meet your person through a sibling or cousin, it can be through really close friends you see as family. You'll recognize them by how well the conversation will flow between you two, that's the importance behind speaking more with more people so you can see the people you vibe with. Your person and you will have very deep conversations, you both will feel very comfortable with eachother and probably they will tell you things they wouldn't say to nobody else, the same for you with them. It will start for you like very good friends and things will slowly evolve into a romantic relationship.
4. Belle:
Current energies:
(Cards: The tower, The lovers, Queen of roses / 8 of gems)
Mmmm... Love is in the air for you, pile 4! You are not very focused in your love life or at least not interested right now, you are more into your work or studies, you are giving more importance to other aspects of your life intead of romantic relationships and it has probably something to do with a hard moment of your life you've been through or a big dissapointment you had with somebody (maybe a really close friend?). Anyway, by being focused into doing what you love you have attracted someone really special into your life, maybe you already know them but for the most of you I see you are not aware of this person but soon, and I mean very very soon (The lovers card in the present moment) will make a movement to start something with you. There will be a lot of chemistry between you two and a lot of sexual tension too.
What plays at your favor and what to avoid:
(Cards: The hermit, The artist / 3 of cups)
You've earnt a lot of wisdom after that tower momment you had to go through, you have leveled up your conscious and are more aware and sure about what you want in a relationship and what you are not willing to accept. Remember how wise and intuitive you are, and remember all the traits you are looking for in a partner, keep listening to yourself and don't be afraid to set healthy boundaries, not just in love terms but with frienships too.
You might have very high standars and that can make you see flaws where there are not, you like your time alone where you can visualize the life you want to manifest, this can make you run away from commitment, be aware of this trait when this person arrives in your life. This person comes to stay but being in the artist and the ermit mood for too long can make you delay the things you are trying to attract.
What plays at your favor are the people around you, specially 2 women that loves you deeply and want you to slow down with all you want to do and enjoy of the opportunities the world has to offer you, I hear a lovely laugh so you probably have a beautiful laugh that these two women wants to hear more often. You need to enjoy and have more fun in the present moment and have more faith in the future, you are very in tune with yourself so do things that makes you feel comfortable and happy, allow yourself to feel and go out of that ermit mode, youo'll feel great.
Divine guidance:
(Cards: Free yourself / Get to know each other)
If you read the cards I think the message is pretty obvious but let's go ahead! You need to release some fears, trust or commitment issues you are dealing with related to romantic relationships, you are more receptive to them in a more methaphorical way than to a real person. For some of you I feel that you daydream a lot about how your person should be for you two fit together but spending so much time idealizing your person can lead to loose from sight good oportunities you have around. This person you are meant to know is going to come to your life soon anyway, they have good intentions torwards you, the important thing here is to go with the flow and let the events evolve the way they should, don't try to control the situation or run away when things are not going how you expected. Get to know this person deeply using your emotional intelligence, don't force things to be the way you want them to be, I promise you this relationship will be better than you ever imagined.
Something relevant to know:
(Cards: Cupid's arrow; paradise; healthy choices / Taurus; Mars; 12th House)
Wowwww, I really love this 😍! There will be an strong chemistry from the start, even though you can be with your guards up this person is not going to give up easily, they are sure they want to make you part of their life and give you the love you deserve, this person is stubborn as hell when they want something, they don't hesitate torwards a challenge. They will show you a kind, respectful and unconditional type of love, probably you have never had a love story like this before, They will always try to make you feel comfortable, I think they will introduce you to their friends and family pretty soon, they want you to be with them, they see something in you that they knows will make them very happy and wants to give you the same in return. You'll feel safe and stable with this person, I feel this person is going to feel devotion for you, they are goint to trust you so much they will open up easily to you and tell you things they wouldn't say to anybody else... Tbh this is relationship goals for me. There will be so much love in here, but what I feel the most is you two being best friends, by each other side no matter the outside circumstances. Congratulations my love!
Your person is physically attractive, they have like solid and stable vibe, they look very friendly or maybe they are very very close to their friends. They are passionate people, probably has a high sex drive, they enjoy challenges but they are methodical and strategist to get their goal. They will love your company and will purpose you a lot of plans together but they would be happy just sitting on the floor if it's with you.They can be Taurus mars or having mars in the 12th house.
Manifesting love:
(Cards: Full moon in scorpio; Full moon in virgo)
This person is going to enter in your life very soon anyway but there can be some obstacles that interrupt the harmony of the relationship, is mostly about negative thoughts, misunderstandings and trust issues. Don't let negative thought patterns block you from being happy, remember your value and self worth, you are wonderful and beautiful just by being yourself so keep that always in mind. You deserve the same love you give so get sure it is unconditional and the best thing you can do for that is release those doubts and fears when they come and tell to yourself that you are good enough to recieve the kind of love you are looking for.
#Spotify#tarot pac#pac#tarotblr#leoascendente#tarot spread#tarot reading#pick a card reading#pick a card#tarot cards#love tarot reading#soulmate#twin flames
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his eyes still glisten
A/N: so, this is based off a real life experience that I and others have probably been on both the receiving end, and the giving end whether it was intentional or not. Healthy communication in all types of relationships is important, as are boundaries. We all make mistakes and hurt people sometimes, but the important part to remember is that as human beings, we feel. We innately want to do good, and sometimes these hard conversations need to be had. Remember to also hold compassion for yourself during a painful/stressful time. We always can do better, and be better. 🤍
~word count: 2.9k~
Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader
summary: Joel is feeling neglected in his current relationship with you. He breaks finally when you are no show to a planned dinner date. You and Joel talk through your feelings and set healthy boundaries in your relationship .
warnings: angst, hurt, some fluff, miss communication,minor whump, comfort, arguments, light mention of alcohol consumption, uncomfortable conversations, boundaries being set, vulnerability, just two people trying to navigate in a relationship, resolution, no age gap, reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!
main masterlist masterlist
As human beings we often find ourselves being engrossed in our lives. It’s never often intentional, but it’s easy as sliced butter to inadvertently make everything about ourselves. Our jobs, our relationships, our opinions, our thoughts. When we find ourselves too focused on our own lives, we forget the important people. Our friends, our families, our partners. You’ve forgotten your Joel, and he’s not quite sure how much longer he can keep his voice silent.
It’s not that you’re a bad person, a bad partner, a bad listener, you’ve just fallen off the rails a bit. Joel knows that he too needs to work on communicating his feelings better. His problem is that he often finds himself bottling everything up for so long that it begins to chip away at his exterior, piece by piece. He’s hurting; but you don’t realize it. After being together for so long, the honeymoon stage eventually wears off. He’s always been there to listen, be the shoulder used to soak your tears in. You’ve been good to him, so good to him, but lately he’s been feeling neglected. He feels the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. The trepidation that maybe you just don’t love him anymore.
He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but there’s only so much he can take before he breaks.
“Sir, are you ready to order?” The waitress at yours and Joel’s favorite restaurant asks with a gentle smile. She’s stopped by the table a few times now.
Joel checks his phone with a heavy sigh. You're running twenty-minutes late, but he wants to give you the benefit of the doubt. He gives the waitress a small, polite smile as he shakes his head. “No, Just a few more minutes. My girlfriend is running late.”
“Of course sir, no problem. Would you like another beer while you wait?”
He nods tightly before she even has the chance to finish.
The minutes begin to tick by as he nurses his crisp bottle Miller Lite. He feels pathetic each time he glances at the entrance to the restaurant. His mind plays a cruel trick on him as he searches for your face in the other diners.
Where the fuck are you?
He scrolls through his messages between you and him. Searching for any context clues as to why you were late. He calls you once, twice, a third time. He can’t help the dread that begins to seep deep into his bones. His palms are clammy to the touch as he imagines the worst possible outcomes; you’re breaking up with him, you’re seeing someone else.
No. No. He chants silently to his callous thoughts.
You’re just running late.
He finishes off his second beer as he begins to feel the tears sting the corner of his eyes. He refuses to show his emotions in a public setting. He won’t break down here, like this. He fishes his wallet from his back pocket as he slaps down enough bills to cover both the two beers, and a hefty tip for his waitress.
Once he’s safely behind the wheel of his truck, he finally breaks.
You were in back to back meetings all day. You were exhausted, burnt out, frustrated to the max limit, and your dinner date with Joel was forced to the back of your mind. Subconsciously, work was beginning to become your top priority, while your relationship was pushed to the backburner. It was becoming hard to juggle it all. Your sense of work-life balance was depleting faster than you could keep up. At the end of an extinguished flame that was barely holding on by a thread, was your boyfriend. Your Joel.
It’s a moment too late when you’re smacked head on with the realization that you fucked up. Shit, what day is today? Thursday. Oh–fuck, Joel. Your own sense of dread forces its way into your system as you frantically dial his number. You barely hear your co-worker telling you to have a good evening as you rush out to your car.
He doesn’t pick up. You try again, and again, and again.
He’s purposely ignoring your calls and you can’t seem to grasp the reason as to why.
A sense of relief washes over you when you find his truck parked in the driveway of your shared home. The lights in every room are turned off. He usually keeps a few on when he knows you’re working late in the office.
He hears your keys jingle at the front door from where he’s sat at the kitchen table. He doesn’t budge. He sits there with a stoic look on his face, and his hands clasped in his lap. Remnants of his tears laid streaked across his cheekbones like two cavernous streams.
“Joel, baby? Hey, I’m so sorry about tonight. I was in back to back meetings all day, Eric was being a fucking cranky pants, again. I had to stay late to work on this project that is due at the end of day Friday.” It felt like you were talking strictly to yourself as you softly closed the front door behind you, and plopped your keys in the bowl on the hall table right next to his. “Joel?”
Your ears perked at the sound of the kitchen chair scraping across the tile as you rounded the corner. “There you are. I’m so sorry, baby. I–”
“Why couldn’t you jus’ call me, or send me a text message. I sat in the fucking restaurant waitin’ for you. I could have changed the time of the reservation had I known you would be workin’ late.” He answers flatly as his forefinger nervously begins to pick away at the skin along his cuticles. A nasty habit he can’t seem to break.
“Baby, I know. I didn’t have a ton of access to my phone, and I just got caught up in a lot of shit today. You know it wasn’t intentional, right?”
He swallows down the urge to scoff at your dismissive response as his eyes slowly focus on you. “Can you..not call me baby right now? I’m trying to have a fuckin’ conversation with you, and you’re completely dismissing what I just said.” He bites back out of pure frustration.
“Dismissing you? Joel, I just said I was fucking sorry. I told you that I was busy–”
“Yeah, I heard you. You think I'm not busy too? Yet, I still take the time out of my schedule to communicate with you, because it’s the considerate and bare minimum thing to do! You couldn’t just take five fuckin’ seconds to send me a text?!”
“Joel, I never said that you weren’t busy too? Can you please not put words in my mouth? I was in back-to-back meetings. I barely had any access to my phone! What are you insinuating here? That I'm just making up excuses?!”
“You’re tellin’ me that you had zero time to communicate to your boyfriend?! I’m not insinuating that you’re makin’ up excuses, because that’s exactly what you are doing right now. All I'm asking for is some communication. Do you know how fucking pathetic I felt waiting around for you? I just wanted to have a relaxing evening with my girlfriend. I’ve been looking forward to it all day, all week, and it’s like you don’t care.” His voice cracked at the end. He felt utterly defeated as he scrubbed a hand across his face with an exasperated sigh. He hated confrontation. He hated fighting with you. It ripped his heart to shreds to see the way your face immediately fell from his words.
When you couldn’t muster up a response, he took this as his opportunity to get everything off of his chest.
“Look, I don’t want to hurt you, darlin.’ That is quite literally the last thing I want to do, but i’m at my fuckin’ breakin’ point here. You’re the most important person in my life outside of my brother, and lately I've been feeling neglected in our relationship. I don’t think you mean it intentionally, but these past few weeks I have been hurting. I know I should have communicated this to you sooner, but lately it’s been all about you. I know you’re busy at work. I know you’re stressed and frustrated with some of your co-workers, but what about my day? What about the projects that I have been working on? What about my stress? What about..me?” His eyes glistened like two shiny marbles under the warm glow of the overhanging kitchen light.
You were taken aback. It felt as if a freight train had collided with you and smashed your body down into smithereens. You hesitantly pulled out the kitchen chair across from where he was sitting before you slowly sank down. “Joel, I had no idea that you had been feeling this way at all. I truly thought that things were okay between us. I’m sorry I didn’t read between the lines and picked up on your change of mood. I’ve just been so caught up in myself lately, that I haven’t created the time for us to just sit down and communicate like this.” You softly spoke as you clasped your hands along the smooth finish of the wooden table.
“It’s not just about reading between the lines, I have some responsibility in this as well because I can’t just expect you to know exactly how i’m feeling if i’m not taking the time to communicate it to you. I don’t want you to feel like you need to internalize everything I'm sayin’, okay? I jus’ have done a disservice to us both for keeping this shit bottled up for as long as I have.” He murmured as he moved his hands from his lap and rested them along the table.
“How..else have I been making you feel lately, Joel?”
You watched as he took a deep inhale through his nose, before exhaling shakily through his mouth. You saw his lower lip wobble with uncertainty as his still glistening eyes met yours.
“Truthfully? I jus’ feel like I ain’t as important to you anymore. Like I could just get up and leave one day and you wouldn’t even notice that I wasn’t there. I feel like I'm always there to listen, and comfort you, but you don’t do the same for me. I feel like I constantly am seeking reassurance that you actually still want to be in a relationship with me. I feel like it’s a one way street, and my car is about to spin out because i’ve lost all capability of steering. I feel obligated to tell you the things that you want to hear, in fear of hurting your feelings unintentionally. I feel like i’m constantly putting my best foot forward in the relationship, and in the same breath, I’m trying to hold it together with some expired fuckin’ glue. I feel like I've been putting my everything into us, and I'm just becoming an afterthought to you.” Admittedly, it felt good to get everything he was keeping pent up off his chest finally.
“Joel, you are so important to me. I absolutely would notice if you just weren’t here one day. I’m sorry that I have been making everything about myself lately. I promise you it’s not in an intentional, or malicious way, I've just been getting sidetracked, and I haven’t been taking the time to focus on us and our relationship. I completely understand why you are feeling this way lately, and your present feelings towards me are completely valid. I haven’t been the best partner to you, and you shouldn’t feel like our relationship is a one way street. It should be a two way street, and I regrettably have lost sight of that.”
He had half expected you to blow up in his face over his vulnerable admittance. He had his own baggage from past failed relationships, so that unhealed side of him wanted to believe that you were just complying out of spite. The healed side of him was a gentle reminder that you were human too, and that mistakes are made, and people are hurt, but the most important fact was that you were listening to him. You were validating his feelings and holding yourself accountable.
“Darlin’ it’s okay. We’ve both been shit communicators lately. I think it's something that we both need to work on, don’t you think? Earlier this evening when I saw that you called, I was purposely ignoring you because I was feeling angry, hurt, and I was feeling bitter. I know I should have just taken the call, but I also didn’t want to explode on you either. I was at that point, and before anything could be said, I needed to calm down and collect my thoughts. I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes, and that’s also somethin’ i’d like to personally work on within myself.”
“Yeah, we can definitely use some touching up in that department. I need to start taking your feelings into consideration more. I’m glad that you didn’t pick up your phone, because honestly? It probably would have gotten ugly. I also think that lately I have turned you into my personal punching bag, because I'm constantly throwing my work drama onto your shoulders without even thinking about asking if you’re in the headspace to take on my emotions. I just open my mouth and spew, and I need to be more considerate on how you're feeling at that moment. I know we can always vent to each other about our frustrations, but maybe a boundary should be set?”
He slowly reached for your hands across the middle of the table as his fingers slotted through yours. He gave your hands a reassuring squeeze, followed by a soft smile.
“Yeah.” He rasped warmly, “I think it would be good for us to set some healthy boundaries. Sometimes I just don’t have the emotional capacity to take on your frustrations, especially if I am feeling particularly down on myself, or just in a general mood. With that, I really think it would be good for us to think about the positives as well y’know? Maybe we should try to not let our frustrations completely take over the vibe all the time? Cause honestly, I do find myself seeking your comfort and support when I find myself needing it most, but with that, I also need to remember that you might not have the emotional capacity to drop everything for me, and that is okay. We both have lives existing outside of the relationship, I jus’ think we gotta find that balance that works for both of us.”
You gently squeezed his hands back as you attentively listened to everything he was saying. “Yes, I agree that sometimes we both don’t have that emotional capacity for one another. Perhaps a level of consent can be established? Just a simple, ‘hey, i’m really frustrated right now, can I please tell you how i’m feeling?’ That way, it doesn’t just feel like we’re venting without checking in with one another first?”
“I think that is a great idea, darlin,’ why should consent and boundaries only be applied in the bedroom? I think it’s beneficial to have it present in all aspects of our relationship. I also would appreciate it if maybe we start having these conversations more? Maybe they can be like weekly check in’s to see how we're feeling? This might be considered to be a little lame, but it’s almost like we’re scrapbookin’ our feelings? Maybe that ain’t the right word for it, but I jus’ want our line of communication to be open, y’know?” He could feel his once tensed up nerves begin to gradually settle. His heart no longer felt like a twisted coil now that you both were communicating.
“Yes, we should make a point to sit down and make the time to have these conversations. It might be a bit tough at first, but I think we can manage it. I get what you mean with the scrapbooking comment. It almost brings a lighter element to it? Plus, we don’t have to just talk about the frustrating stuff. We can talk about all the fun and exciting aspects as well. Joel, I just want you to know that you don’t have to bottle everything up before it becomes too much for you to handle. You can always talk to me, and I can’t promise that I will always be readily available, but I will actively put in the effort to be there for you, just like you have been for me. You and I aren’t perfect. No one is. No relationship is flawless, but I think with a bit of nurturing, we’ll be alright.”
Your own eyes began to glisten as you listened to the familiar scrape of the kitchen chair along the tile as he padded over to you. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck, as his own looped tenderly around your waist. He nearly crushed you to his chest from how tightly he was hugging you. He really loved you that much. You were his girl after all.
“I love you, honey. Thank you for taking the time to listen and acknowledge my feelings. I appreciate it so much, and we’re gonna be alright. We’re jus’ hittin’ a little speed bump right now, but we haven’t lost control of steering entirely.” He nuzzled his face into your cheek. You could feel the bristles in his beard gently scratch your skin as he squeezed you tightly.
“I love you so much, Joel. Thank you for being honest with me, and I promise I'll do better.”
“I know you will, baby. S’okay. We’re all just human at the end of the day.”
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AITA for making my polyamorous partner feel bad for having another partner?
Been struggling with this for a while so I could really use some advice.
My partner (26M) and I (21NB) have been seeing each other for about eight months. We have been long distance for three of those months. This has made things a bit difficult.
However, what adds to the difficulty of the long distance relationship is the fact that he is polyamorous and is currently seeing another long distance partner as well. They have been together longer than we have. This has bugged me for the entire duration of our relationship, but otherwise am very happy with him and feel that our relationship is strong and healthy when not taking additional partners into account. He knows this bothers me a lot and has genuinely been trying to say things to make me feel better about the situation- “I always have time for you” and “you are my priority” and whatnot.
He also avoids talking about her with me, which I feel may not be the right away to go about this. However, when I bring this up with him, he always says he doesn’t talk about her to avoid upsetting me (and even though I feel that this is not the solution, I know that I probably WILL be upset!). He attempts to reassure me when I bring this conversation up, but it feels like we never come to a solution. I’m worried that the only way I’ll be happy is if he commits fully to me, but I could never ask him to end his other relationship without feeling like a complete asshole.
At the end of the day I seem to have a really hard time accepting that he loves other people. I try to understand but it still worries me and keeps me up at night and worst of all, still hurts.
I’ve thought about the possibility of trying to see other people too but I couldn’t even imagine trying to do the things we do together with someone else. I have no desire to be with anyone else.
He feels terrible that this hurts me. I constantly wonder if I’m doing something bad by not accepting him for who he is and wether or not I’m being toxic and making things unfair for him. I hate that I make him feel like a bad person for just being himself. I feel like I’m being unfairly selfish, even if it is ok to feel some of the emotions I’ve been feeling.
I absolutely do not want our relationship to end over this. So, AITA for not being able to accept my partner’s polyamorous lifestyle? And please, how can I make this easier and less painful for myself and my partner?
Thank you
What are these acronyms?
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"specially abled" and "disabled" are absolutely, unequivocally not interchangeable terms. & yeah, it actually is that deep.
I wish my autoimmune disease made me specially abled instead of regularly ill. I'm a pro now at managing constantly-changing treatment regimens, coordinating monthly (if not more) doctor visits & endless bloodwork, but alas- that's not a superpower. it's the day-to-day reality of living with a disability.
I can only speak as a someone who was relatively healthy before I got sick, but the mourning period I went through was brutal. getting diagnosed with an incurable disease brings a metric fuckton of grief with it, requiring a huge perspective shift.
I'm an intensely independent, self-reliant person- sometimes to my own detriment. unsurprisingly, coming to terms with this new reality was no small task.
when I was finally diagnosed, I made a playlist (my go-to coping mechanism). I played one song on a loop because of its namesake line, & it still packs an emotional gut-punch for me: "I needed to lose you to love me."
I was angry at my body for 'failing' me- for having zero control over such an all-important outcome (my health). I had to reconcile myself to the reality that my life was different now. I had to lose my old view of myself to love the new version that needed more sleep, more sick days, more accommodations.
it took me years to get comfortable using the term "disability" to help describe what's now a big part of my lived experience (especially since mine is invisible). it went from being a foreign term I could've never imagined using for myself to my bridge to self acceptance.
(note: I have my own complex relationship with the term, as do most people. I’m talking about the harm in equating terms here, not implying that anyone should use these words to describe themselves. that’s entirely up to the individual.)
there's nothing romantic about my disease- a quality that "specially abled" imbues for me. do I- & all disabled people- have special abilities, valuable experience & unique skills? you bet your ass we do. one has absolutely nothing to do with the other.
every person has the right to choose the terms they're comfortable with to describe their experience. for me? treating "disability" like a dirty word 1) glosses over (if not entirely erases) the very real, life-altering struggle inherent to my condition, & 2) muddies the waters, potentially making it even more difficult for disabled people to get the accommodations we need when we need them.
using terms like "specially abled" isn't some evil, awful thing, though. if anything, it tells me that the person is trying to be delicate & respectful with their word choices. I genuinely appreciate that, even if it's misguided (in my opinion).
when in doubt? listen to how people describe themselves. honor them by using the same descriptors (unless they tell you otherwise). choose to believe people when they tell you how terms affect them.
forgive yourself if you don't always get it right- who does? perfection isn't the point- effort is the point. kindness is the point. respect is the point. how we get there is as varied as people, but it starts with the words we use.
#disability#disabled#disabilities#autoimmune#autoimmune disease#i'd say 'back to our regularly scheduled ql programming' but it was a take in the ql community that prompted this so-#back to kind respectful programming (manifesting)#mor rambles
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ASTRO NOTES #4
I was thinking this was going to be a synastry one, but it turns out it will be a mix. 😅 Enjoy and don’t take anything personal! 🫶
• Mars in Aquarius it’s so unpredictable when it comes to their anger. It will be easier to explain, if you imagine the following situation - The native tries to unlock the door 9 times and the door doesn’t open. Our person seems pretty cool… and then on the 10 time they just start to 🌪️, u know. 😁 Well after five minutes everything is just fine, but that 5 minutes would be hell for you if you stand in their way. And don’t touch them, ok, that will make their craziness go even worst. ⚠️
• Moon in Gemini u are so bi polar, everything in you is such a mess. I mean… your emotions swinging with your thoughts, just like the Moon changing her phases. Ocean of thoughts, that’s you guys. 💭 Really moody, always overthinking, anxious, but deserves the world. *at least that’s the funniest Moon sign and who doesn’t love to laugh?! love ya! 🫶 ♊️
• In synastry if there is a Chiron conjunct Moon or vice versa it can be really helpful for the natives. The Moon person recognise the pain in Chiron person and tries to heal them from their past traumas. For the Chiron one it seems easier to open up in front of Moon and that doesn’t make them feel ashamed of their wounds. Really beautiful connection, accept there are some hard aspects. ❤️🩹🌓
• Does anyone have problem to recognise a Pisces Sun?! 🐠I don’t know if i am crazy, but they all are so different from each other, and i have a lot pisces around me… Maybe cause Pisces collect in themselves all the qualities of the other 11 signs, or maybe because they are ruled by Neptune and can afford to be whatever they want or don’t know who they are, because of that Neptune influence. Like the water they can be calm, stormy, deep… And one more thing which it’s not necessarily true, just my observation. Most of the Pisces i know have a water rising. 💦
• Mercury RX = Mercury conjunct Uranus or in Aquarius. 🤝 They just don’t know how to express themselves in a right way. Super smart, different point of view, innovative, but it’s hard for them to explain what they wanna to say. Always thinking they are misunderstood or some kind of weird, which only feeds their God complex, they love to feel different. ( Aqua guys are with the biggest God complex of all zodiac signs). 😅
• Pluto conjunct Nessuss it’s so powerful aspect to have. These natives transform the pain into strength, very healing power! 🧡On the topic of Nessuss i want to warn you, if you have personal planets conjunct/square Nessuss in synastry, please be careful with that person, especially with the conjunctons to Moon, Venus and Mars. That’s an indicator for having a violent relationship. I noticed Moon conjunct Nessuss most of the times it’s a sign for emotional or mental abuse. Mars square Nesuss for physical abuse. If you have some of this aspects with someone, please don’t ignore. 🙏
• You can always spot a Taurus men, because they will do anything to see them. 🤡 They will try so hard to get your attention in some kind of funny way, with their silly jokes. But they are not funny at all, I mean their sense of humor it’s so… conventional. For me is irritating, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m wrong. 😅
• Native with Saturn in Pisces in sixth house it is an indicator for the individual have to grown earlier, also there can be some cases where there is a violence in the family or an abscent father. Person with this position of Saturn was forced to take care for things and people that are not their responsibilities, since they were a kid. There are so many suppressed emotions in them. Really important for them will be to learn how to set healthy boundaries and to look more often what’s going on with their health. The good thing with this placement is that after their 30 (Saturn return) the things going to start getting better. I promise! 🫶 🪐♓️
~meafortuna 💙
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