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#if anyone wants to know my process or anything for this you're free to ask btw i just didnt want to clog up the main post

definitelynotshouting · 4 months

Text

A Kemetic prayer to Bast for Jellie

Hail to You, O' Bast, Who guards the Two Lands! Hail to You, Iryt Ra! You who are swift and cunning, You who strike down enemies and nurture children. I ask that You protect and nurture the cat Jellie as she crosses into Your domain, through the Duat and into Your Hour. I ask that she is kept from harm and given safety and shelter in the cradle of Your arms. Hail to You, O' Bast, Devouring Lady, Mother of my Soul! I offer sweet cheese and fruits. I offer spiced tea and toasted nuts. I offer the ring of my sistrum. May Jellie only know warmth and good food with You, the comfort of the sun. May she hunt on under Your guidance. May she find peace and joy within Your company. Hail to You, O' Bast, Lady of the Ointments, the Knowledge through which death cannot approach too closely! I light this candle and ask that all those who have called this cat family find comfort and peace in this time of her absence. I ask that Your Light guides her to You, and that she remains safely within Your domain. May her name be forever remembered. May her ba be forever nourished through the shrines and images made in her honor. Thus it is done. Dua Bast!

this is free to reblog if you so choose, and i hope whoever reads it can find even a small measure of comfort in it❤️❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

#shouting speaks #kemetic #prayer #jellie #jellie mcyt #goodtimeswithscar #mcyt #religious #<- tagging so those who might not want to see it can filter it out #if anyone is worried about the cat whiskers: i save the ones my cat naturally sheds whenever i find them #these were already loose whiskers and i save them for purposes exactly like these #if anyone wants to know my process or anything for this you're free to ask btw i just didnt want to clog up the main post #ngl it feels a little nervewracking to post this so please be kind about it #pet death #animal death #tw: pet death #txt

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violentdelightsandviolentends · 7 months

Note

my love if i may request a whiskey with dbf!joel or dbf!bucky with the prompt “i’ve wanted this for so long” and mayhaps if it’s not too much to ask for but some breeding kink👀👉🏻👈🏻

Promises, Promises.

warnings - smut. cursing.

I figured I'd make this dbf!bucky, because i've done a dbf!joel fic for this celebration already. y'all, I read the words dad's best friend and go fucking feral. this one got away from me.

3k celebration post here. 3k masterlist here.

You're the last person Bucky expected to be at his front door at 3am.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Locked myself out of my goddamn house, and my parents are still on vacation. Can I crash here tonight? Please?"

Who is he to turn down an offer that tempting?

"Course. Come on, it's too cold for you to be stood out here."

The two of you sit down on his couch, settling in to watch some TV.

"Bucky Barnes. Are you watching a romcom?"

He blushes, a slight flush creeping up his cheeks.

"If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. They're my guilty pleasure."

"It makes me like you more, if anything," you grin. He can't help but smile back at you, less embarrassed now.

"Look, my love life is fuckin' terrible. I live vicariously through these cheesy films right now."

"You? Terrible love life? Those two phrases don't usually go in the same sentence."

You're teasing him. Seeing if you can get a rise, hit the right button.

"Oh, shut it. Just because you're on a new date every week."

"I'm... what?"

"Your Dad seems to think you're dating a lot."

You quirk a brow at him, amusement curling at the corners of your lips.

"Is that so?"

"I'm only telling you what I've heard, honey."

He crosses his arms across his chest, biceps threatening to break free from the confines of his t shirt.

"He's wrong."

"Is that so?"

You roll your eyes.

"I have a friend, he's a guy. My Dad automatically assumes we're dating because we hang out. But we're not."

"And why not?"

"I don't know, I guess he's just..." you debate your answer, realising it's now or never. "He's not old enough for me. Not mature enough."

Bucky bites his lip, eyes scanning your face.

"He's your age."

"Exactly. Boys my age don't know shit."

He laughs, but it's dark and low, something brewing beneath the surface.

"You always were too smart for your own good, huh?"

Bucky's thigh is pressing into yours, the warmth from his skin seeping through. His rough fingertips glide across your arm, slow and soft. He's testing the waters.

"I shouldn't want this," he murmurs, barely audible. "Neither should you."

"But I do," you whisper. "So fucking bad."

"Me too."

Bucky grabs the back of your neck, smashing his lips to yours. You grip at his hair, his biceps, his shirt - anything you can get a hold of. You feel like you're dreaming, your filthiest thoughts coming into fruition.

He pulls you into his lap so you're straddling his hips, grinding down and panting into his mouth. You're both breathless, but neither of you want to be the first to pull away.

Bucky rips your shirt over your head, instantly attacking your chest with kisses. He's marking you up, claiming you as his. You should be worried about the repercussions, but you're not.

You pull his shirt off and rake your nails down his front, grinning when he shivers. Suddenly, Bucky stands up, setting you on your feet.

"Strip."

You blink at him, processing.

"Strip, baby. I won't tell you again."

You shimmy your pants down your legs, your underwear going too. Your mouth waters as you watch him undress, admiring the angles and smooth ridges of him. A Greek God.

Bucky stalks over to you and hooks a foot behind your ankle, sending you both flying onto the rug on the floor. He cushions your fall, not letting go of you once. Running two fingers through your wet heat, he groans.

"All for me, pretty girl? What did I do to deserve somethin' this sweet, huh?"

"Need you," you whine. "Please, Buck."

"I've wanted this for so long," he murmurs, lining himself up. "Fuck, you're a dream."

You both gasp as he slides home, your back arching and his jaw falling slack. Bucky rests a hand against the base of your throat, the weight grounding you back down to Earth.

"Need you to move," you choke out. "Fuck, I need it, Buck. Please."

"Oh you need it, do you?" he smirks. "My needy girl."

He snaps his hips into yours in long, careful glides, very aware of the effect he has on you. Before long, his restraint snaps, and his thrusts get harder, quicker, more frantic.

"Gonna fill you up, baby," he's muttering under his breath. "Make you mine. You want that? To have everyone know who you belong to?"

You're nodding rapidly, tears gathering in your eyes, bottom lip caught between your teeth.

"How are we gonna keep this a secret if you're pregnant, huh?"

The thought makes you moan, a breathy, gutteral sound.

"You like that? Want me to make you a mommy? Fuck, I'll give you everything you ask for. I'll buy you a house and knock you up, you'll never want for anything."

His low, honeyed words throw you over the edge, squeezing and clenching around him. Bucky groans, deep and rumbled, the sound vibrating through the both of you. You find your releases together, panting and out of breath.

"House first."

"Huh?" he breathes, raising his head from your chest.

"Buy me a house first. Kids second. Maybe marriage in between."

He laughs, floating and content. You both know he meant what he said, not just a heat of the moment confession.

You stay wrapped up in each other for hours, on the rug in front of the fire.

You'll deal with the repercussions later.

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yanderestarangel · 7 months

Note

Hi I’d like to request something! Can you please write headcanons on how the Lin quei brothers would react to a virgin reader?

~Anon who is also a virgin

୨♡୧ LIN KUEI BROTHERS WOULD REACT TO A VIRGIN READER

TW: fingering, afab anatomy, virgin reader, smut, nsfw, sub!reader, no pronouns used except 'you'.

୨♡୧ KUAI LIANG:

He would be quite surprised, but "proud" (if we can put it like that), he would have a smug smile on his lips while hearing that you were a virgin and had never done it with anyone, he would even be a little perverted and asked if you fingered yourself while you two were dating, soon receiving a pillow in the face and laughing at the situation. "-My love, you know you don't need to be afraid, I will take care of you, I love you... I promise." -Kuai Liang spoke while kissing your neck, then sinking your onto the bed.

୨♡୧ TOMAS VRBADA:

Scared. Pretty scared. But possessive. Believe me, Tomas is also a virgin - not for lack of option or opportunity but by choice, the big boy didn't want to do with just anyone choosing to wait for you - and it would be the first time for both of you, the conversation between the two of you would be summed up in Tomas moving his hands nervously and trying to focus on anywhere other than you, soon jumping in surprise when he feels you touch his thigh making them both laugh, breaking the mood between the two. He would nervously admit that he never did either and would find himself thinking about you and revealing his deepest fantasies face to face with you, soon feeling his dick twitch in his pants and throwing you on the bed - really prepare yourself, this man will get very possessive with you -

୨♡୧ BI HAN:

He would be more serious, for him it doesn't really matter if you're a virgin or not, but oh dear... If you are, he won't let it show, but he's almost ready to jump on top of you and let his most primitive desires take over. The heat that rises through Bi Han's body is inexplicable and inevitable, he will hear everything even though he controls himself not to do anything too rough or rude, he will ask if you really want to fuck him and if the answer really is "yes" Bi Han already throws you brutally on the bed and then takes off your belt, it was going to be a long night.

♡ NSFW ♡

୨♡୧ KUAI LIANG:

He really works on your pussy, Kuai strives to make your first time memorable and romantic, with calm music in the background, and some wine and candles around the dark room, a pure silk sheet was spread across the bed. In the act Kuai Liang would suck your pussy and he would cum in the process even without touching his dick and right after sex he would carry you to the bathroom and bathe you and hold you until you fell asleep in his arms, smiling satisfied.

୨♡୧ TOMAS VRBADA:

He moans like a whore, Tomas would be much more hasty the first time, even being a little rough at times because in addition to his orgasm he wants to free himself too. The perfect scenario for him would be on a Friday afternoon with both of you off at his house and a sunset in the background, with you doing 69 with him and him giving himself completely to your mouth on his cock while he loses focus and stops sucking yours pussy and fucking your mouth with her hips, then apologizing between sly moans and going back to sucking your entrance. The sex would be rougher as soon as you got used to his size having the right to pull your hair while he spanks your ass, moaning and whimpering as he buries himself entirely in your pussy. He would take care of you, but he would be exhausted and the two of you would just pass out, cuddled together in bed, even though you were still dirty and smelled of sex.

୨♡୧ BI HAN:

Have you seen the size of that man? Exactly. Down there it's the same size. Bi Han would work your pussy with his fingers, inserting his ring finger and then one more, leaving you a little more relaxed to fuck with his dick, he would also want you to suck him so much to help with the lubrication so much to kill his desire to hit him with his dick in your face while he sees you desperate for more and more. The perfect scenario would be on a rainy day when the two of you are in bed together, for your first time he would go very slow not wanting to hurt you (too much) but if you can handle it one more time be prepared to not walk for two weeks straight. Bi Han is more audible he would only make grunts in your ear, he wants to hear you when he thrusts his dick hard into you - And I was definitely going to cum inside you and then put two fingers in so as not to let the cum leak out -

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absurdthirst · 1 year

Text

Puppy Love {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 12.1k

Warnings: Mentions of pimping someone out, post apocalyptic morality, mentions of violence, guns, biting, infected, death, slapping, angst, anger, Joel being emotionally constipated, declarations of love, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, outdoors sex, pulling out, mentions of pregnancy/infertility

Comments: You always follow Joel Miller around, you've got his back. You're in love with him. Putting up with Tess's nickname of puppy dog, you don't realize that Joel feels for you until the end.

A/N: ~Contains spoilers for Episode 2~ Follows the episode along with some canon divergence.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Your eyes slide up and down the streets, daring anyone to come closer or ask questions as you clean against the crumbling brick facade and twist your head to look back at the two men huddled together about a hundred feet from where you are. You can’t hear what they’re saying but Joel looks even more pissed off than normal, even for Joel.

“What?” Joel shakes his head in annoyance, knowing he’s being squeezed for cards. He doesn’t get charged that much for the entire hydro stash he gets from his seller. “No, no fucking battery is worth that much and you know it.” He growls, narrowing his eyes at the untrustworthy weasel in front of him.

Robert’s eyes slide nervously around and he gives a small shrug, uncomfortable being around Joel and preferring to deal with Tess. “What can I say? Times are hard. It’s getting harder to come by these things.” His greedy eyes shift over to where you are looking out at the street. “Although….I’m sure we could work something out. I could cut the price in half if you, say, let me have your little pet there for the night.” He chuckles, referring to Tess’s mocking nickname for you. ‘Joel’s little puppy dog.’

Joel stares at the other man for a few seconds, just processing what he said, until it finally sinks in. “What the fuck did you just ask for?” He growls, low and quiet so you don’t hear.

“You heard me, Miller. A night with your little lapdog over there. She’s gotta be good at sucking cock because you keep her around. Got a fucking harem started with her and Tess. Do you have one sit on your face and the other ride your cock?” Robert guesses, crossing his arms with a cocky smirk, “or do they take turns sucking your dick? Mmm if you guarantee me a blowjob, I’ll even throw in some extras.”

You tense slightly, shifting forward from your place leaning against the way. Eyes watching the way that Joel’s fist curls tight for a moment. Wishing that you could hear what the fuck they are saying, but Joel told you to stay here, so that’s what you’re doing. “Joel?” You call out, getting his attention as he turns his head towards you. You’re wondering if you need to come over, knowing you will throw yourself into a fight for him if needed.

He shakes his head, holding his hand up towards you to stop you. He considers the guys offer, he can’t deny it. It would get him a hell of a lot closer to where he needs to be without having to do several burns for the cards. “No. She’s not available.” He finally says, not wanting to force you into something like that. He might be an evil bastard but he’s not a monster. “She��s not an option.” He decides, “you get more ration cards when we meet for me to collect it.”

“Come on man.” Robert shakes his head and his eyes slide past Joel to leer at you. “It’s just a fucking blowjob. I’ll tell you what?” He huffs, smirking and looking back at Joel. “Let me fuck her, both holes, have her suck my cock and I’ll give you the battery for free. Hell of a deal, right? I’ll even let you watch if you want to.”

Joel can’t help but reach up to squeeze the asshole’s throat. His anger makes him growl as he chokes the prick who dared to violate you like that. “You get the ration cards when I collect it or I can kill you now and get the battery for free? Hell of a deal, right? I’ll even let her watch me kill you.” Joel sasses, tilting his head as he watches his eyes practically bulge.

“Shit!” You leap forward but Joel just turns his head.

“Stay there!” He orders harshly, making you stop in your tracks. Watching as Joel leans in and whispers something else to the disgusting little rat he was having to buy from to get the battery he needed.

“No, no, it-it’s good!” You hear Robert choke out, gasping and sputtering when Joel lets him go. Clutching at his throat and coughing as Joel turns around and starts striding back toward you.

“Let’s go.” He demands, his scowl even deeper than normal as you scramble to catch up with his long legged strides. You weren’t short but he’s speed walking.

“What the fuck just happened?” You demand, wanting to know what the fuck is going on.

“Don’t worry about it.” Joel growls, body still vibrating with anger. He hates that you were a bargaining chip in this new world. Twenty years ago, it would’ve been illegal but anything goes in this new era, even the things the QZ deems illegal are turned a blind eye to.

“Did you get the car battery?” You ask and Joel doesn’t look at you, knowing he’s barely holding on to the thread of decency he has when it comes to you.

“No.” He says without further explanation, “he’s got to locate it.”

“Okay.” You think there is more to it, but he obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. You just walk along beside him, watching some of the people on the street part, giving Joel a wide berth. “So what do we do now?” You ask, unsure if he had other things to take care of.

“We keep low. You seen Tess? I ain’t seen her for a couple of days. Startin’ to get worried.” He frowns, guiding you down the alleyway that takes you back to his building. “I haven’t seen her.”

You mimic his frown, both wondering where Tess is and hating that he’s so worried about her. It’s always been the two of them. You know they fuck, you know sometimes Tess will sneak into his bed, and you hate it, but you don’t hate Tess. She is capable of a lot in this world and you know she keeps Joel grounded, something you seem unable to do.

“Let’s head to mine and then we will try to track her down.” Joel says, unaware that Tess is already waiting in his room, her face beaten up and sore.

You sigh softly, knowing that you will do whatever he wants. It’s dumb, but Joel had saved you when you arrived in the QZ, scared off some less than honorable people and you have been drawn to him ever since. It’s hard being in love with a man who doesn’t love you, doesn’t even look at you like a woman, but you are loyal to him. He claims he’s not a good man, and that’s true at times, but he’s good to you. “We’ll find her. I’m sure she’ll be in your arms tonight.” You mutter, hating how your stomach twists in jealousy.

Joel pretends to not hear you, knowing you and Tess have some tension going on between you but he ignores it. This life is rough enough without needing to fucking deal with women drama. He gets what he needs when he wants and that’s all that matters to him. He rolls his eyes and strides a little faster to get to his room.

When he opens the door, Tess is sitting there with her face bruised and swollen and he’s ready to fucking kill whoever did that to her.

“Jesus.” You huff, eyes wide at her injuries. It’s on the tip of your tongue to make a snarky comment, but instead you watch Joel fuss over her and clean up the wounds with the bottle of alcohol sitting next to the sink. It would be touching if it didn’t break your heart. “What the fuck happened to you?” You ask finally as he’s dabbing at the corner of her mouth. You flop down on his sofa and glare at your feet.

Joel gently grips her chin as he cleans her up, his eyes burning into hers and he doesn’t hear your question, too busy making sure Tess is okay. Neither of them see the crestfallen look on your face until your scowl covers it. Tess sighs, gently pushing Joel’s hand away as she explains that she was held hostage by a couple of Robert’s goons. Joel hisses in annoyance, knowing he should’ve killed that asshole when he had the chance.

You hate how neither one of them includes you, feeling like an extra wheel. Dragging your feet off the coffee table you slap your hands on your thighs and stand. “Since she’s home, I guess I better do the same.” You want Joel to tell you to stay, but you know he won’t. Wondering why you put yourself through this torture when he only had eyes for Tess.

Joel wants to ask you to stay but he needs to talk to Tess about what happened. He needs to form a plan and you distract him. “See you later.” He tells you, not even looking your way and Tess offers you a slight smirk as she bids you goodbye. Joel tuts when you stomp out, slamming the door behind you. “Tess…” He murmurs, shaking his head.

“What? She’s like a damn puppy dog hanging around you all the time.”

Joel snorts, “what does that make you?”

Tess frowns for a moment before she leans forward. “You know what I am to you.” She challenges him, holding his gaze until he turns away. You have fucked everything up, everything was fine until you showed up and things changed. “Joel-“ She pauses, deciding against asking a question she doesn’t want to know the answer to, or at least have it confirmed. Instead she decides to change tactics. “We need to go find Robert and our battery.”

Joel nods, “we do. I’ll go find her and then we can get ahead. Get your shit together.” He orders, standing up and making his way out of the door to track you down. He needs you for backup and also, he is secretly amused at the way Tess frowns whenever you are mentioned. Tess is…Tess is a comfort to him, the woman who has seen him at his worst and still wants him.

You are innocent really, still able to fight but you haven’t seen that side of him. He doesn’t want you to. He wants you to think of him as the closest version to the person he used to be. He misses that person sometimes, grieves him almost as much as he grieves Sarah. The small things he’d bitch about, like money or working late, are trivial compared to the issues he faces today.

When he finds you, you are sulking in your room, “come on. I need you to help me and Tess track down Robert and his goons.”

Staring at him incredulously, you huff after a moment, bending down to pick up your boots. “You’ve got some fucking nerve, Miller.” You grumble, feeling like you are being taken advantage of right now. Joel doesn’t comment, just sends you a satisfied look as you put your boots on and turns towards the door.

“Get your pack, we might need it.” He tells you before he walks out of your rooms like he owns the damn things. Your fault for letting him in, your fault for being so fucking in love with him that you let him walk all over you.

“This is the last goddamn time.” You promise yourself, muttering angrily as you get ready.

Joel doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrows as he listens outside. Both you and he know that’s not true. When you’re ready, he guides you down the alleyways to meet up with Tess. “Right. Let’s go get this fucker. I’m sick of his bullshit.” Joel huffs, making his way through the alleys to find the place Tess detailed when she told him where she was held.

“Awwww, you decided to come along, I’m so touched.” Tess coos mockingly when you reach her, making you grit your teeth and want to punch her in her good eye.

“Well, someone has to clean up your mess.” You huff back.

“Enough.” Joel growls, shaking his head at you before he turns to Tess with a pointed look. They did that a fucking lot, silently communicate like you weren’t fucking there.

Tess nods and Joel leads the way, entering the building with gun in hand and he creeps down the hall, using hand signals to gesture for you to walk or stop. He knows you and Tess have some fucking women issues between you but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have time for that trivial shit.

It’s not the time to be snarky. Instead of dwelling on the issues, you focus on the task at hand. All you care about is keeping Joel safe. Tess by extension just because you know that he would be upset if something happened to her. She was his woman, not you. Your own gun in your hand, you flank his left side as you follow, eyes peeled for any danger.

Joel is naturally anxious, keeping his eyes open and ears clear for any noises. When he spots the dead bodies of Robert and his goons, he doesn’t give a fuck. He wants to know who did that to them. When the door to his right suddenly opens, he doesn’t think. He just acts. Shoving the girl against the wall so she drops the knife and placing his foot on it, gun aimed at her. When Marlene appears, Joel narrows his eyes, listening as she begs him not to shoot.

Your fingers tense around your own weapon, aimed at the two fireflies in front of you. “What’s who he sold our battery to? The Che Guevara of Boston?” You roll your eyes at her humor but it’s true. Listening to her tell Joel that they need to take this girl to the state house to meet her group. “Bring your puppy with you too.” You hiss at that, pissed off that Tess’s fucking nickname for you has caught on. “I tried to recruit her, but she’s too loyal to you Joel.”

Joel conceals the way his heart flutters at the news that you wanted to stay loyal to him. His face remains impassive and the girl tries to get her knife back while Marlene points out that she is bleeding and he needs to hurry up and decide. “Fine.” He grunts after Tess states her case.

Huffing, you shake your head. “You two have fun with that.” You know it’s a bad idea. This is bullshit and there are other places to get a battery.

“You’re going with us.” Joel tells you sternly and you know that you will, if for anything but to watch his back.

“We don’t need her. Joel. She’ll just be a liability.” Tess barely spares you a glance and that pisses you off more.

“I’m going.” You hiss, glaring at her.

Joel doesn't need this catty bullshit, the girl is glaring at him and it's putting him on edge. "Fine. Get your shit kid, we are leaving." He orders the girl, Ellie, who goes to get her knife back with a scowl. When night falls, Joel guides the group through the old tunnel that he uses to smuggle things in and once you're outside the QZ, Ellie's eyes widen.

"Holy shit." She gasps and a truck drives by.

"Get down!" Joel hisses, forcing you to duck alongside Ellie.

“Jesus.” You hate being outside the QZ. Hate the risk and you know that it’s getting harder and harder every time. “We need to move. The fucking soldiers have been crawling around.” You murmur quietly, looking around and shivering slightly in the rain.

Just as you get ready to move, the QZ guard who buys from Joel approaches you, gun raised. Joel doesn’t even think, surging forward to start pummeling the guy to death. He’s feral and there’s nothing any of you can do except watch him. Ellie watches with a fascination while Tess stares impassively.

“Joel.” You know the man is capable of violence, you’ve seen it, but this was unhinged. He turns back to look at the girl and you, the expression on his face is fierce and you shake your head after Tess shows him the red scanner. She’s infected. You listen to the hurried explanations and you know you need to have this conversation somewhere else. “We need to go.” You tell him, picking up the knife that the kid had stuck in the bastard’s leg and handing it back to her. You don’t know about her claim that she’s immune, but she deserves to be able to protect herself out here. “Take the rifle.”

Ellie takes it and Joel is almost dazed as you walk through the debris and overgrowth to find shelter in the city. Once you’ve found where you usually stop, Joel slumps down in the chair, flexing his knuckles and hissing. Ellie looks exhausted and you tell her to get some sleep, you’re stopping here for the night. “She’s infected.” Joel grunts when she’s fast asleep, bringing yours and Tess’s eyes over to him.

“Her wound looked healed.” Of course it had been dark as shit, but bites from the infected never looked better. It’s always inflamed as the fungal infection spreads through the body, taking over. You glance at his knuckles, wishing that you had ice to put on it. “You should wrap it up.” You tell him.

Joel ignores you, just imagining what could’ve happened out there if that asshole had blabbed. You’d all be dead. Hung for treason or some bullshit like that. “I’m fine.” He finally answers and Tess looks over at him, “she’s right.” That Joel definitely ignores. He grunts, standing up, “I’ll take first watch. You two get some sleep. I’ll watch the girl.” He says, grabbing his rifle and ignoring the pain in his knuckles when he grips the handle.

You sigh, knowing it won’t make a damn bit of difference, but you find yourself a corner away from the door so you have time to react and lay your pack down. Using it as a pillow as you turn your back to Joel and Tess. You don’t want to see whatever else they do or talk about tonight, tired of being the third wheel and tired of feeling like you should just leave.

Joel keeps watch most of the night until Tess tells him to get half an hour. “Lazy bitch couldn’t even get up for a watch.” She scoffs at your sleeping form.

Joel shakes his head at her, “she didn’t sleep the night before. Trying to help me out by keeping an ear out for the radio. Just - let it, okay?” Joel asks and Tess snorts, nodding her head. He sits down, closing his eyes but he never truly relaxes, just rests until the sun starts to rise.

“What do we do with the girl?” Tess asks when he stands up, walking over to her.

“Kill her.” Joel says, knowing that Marlene wouldn’t find out. He could lie and say she got infected for real this time. It’s not far from the truth. “We don’t know if she’s gonna turn.” He murmurs, keeping his eyes on the curled up ball in the middle of the room.

Grunting, you wake up with a jolt, used to the nightmares that plague your sleep. Everyone in the fucking horror reality has them, or they’ve never lived outside the QZ they were born in. Flipping over, you notice that Joel and Tess are already awake, both of them watching the girl. “Shoulda woke me.” You grumble, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes before you shuffle over towards Joel.

“You needed the sleep.” Joel murmurs, ignoring the scoff from Tess. “We should kill her.” Joel says with finality just as the girl wakes up, glancing around to see you sitting up and Joel sitting there with his rifle aimed towards her, anxious and tense as hell. “You make one wrong move and I’ll kill ya.” He promises, making Ellie scoff and pull her sleeve up.

“I’m fine. No different than last night.”

You shift slightly, looking from Joel to Ellie. “Why didn’t she kill you?” You demand, asking about Marlene. Ellie explains about the daily testing and holds out her arm to show that it is perfectly steady. No tremor, which is normally the first sign of infection besides a bite. “Jesus.” You shake your head, unsure of what all of these means and look back towards Joel. It’s him she needs to convince. Or Tess rather because she can sway Joel’s opinion.

Joel considers not killing Ellie when Tess points out that it hasn’t spread. “Fine. Better get something to eat before we head out.” Joel says, sitting down, and he flexed his knuckles.

“Broken?” Tess asks and he shrugs, “hairline. It will heal fast.”

You frown at that but still get your jerky out of your pack.

Ellie, meanwhile, pulls out a delicious looking sandwich and your eyes widen. “Is that chicken?” Tess asks and Ellie explains how Marlene got it from smugglers. Joel snorts, chewing on his jerky and trying to ignore the pain in his hand.

You hate that he is hurting, knowing that he can’t take anything that would help because it would make him slower to react. Instead of offering to take the gun, you open your pack and offer him the precious bottle of aspirin you have. It took a month of ration cards to get it, and you normally used it when your cramps would get too bad. “Here.” You offer quietly, “to help with the swelling.”

Joel takes the pill, knowing it’s aspirin and trusting you. He swallows it dry and makes the decision to head out. “Let’s go. We need to take advantage of the daylight.” He says, standing up to grab his pack and the rifle. Ellie scrambles to pack up her pack again and soon enough, you are heading outside with Tess keeping close to Joel.

“Do we want to take the long way or the short way?” Joel asks and it’s not your opinion he’s actually asking for. Tess snorts.

“You mean the long way or sure to die way.” She corrects sarcastically, making Ellie’s eyes widen dramatically and you roll your own. You’ve been the short way and it’s fine as long as you pay attention.

“I vote for the long way given the small amount of information available.” Ellie huffs, making you smirk.

“The long way, fast.” You decide. “Sooner we get her to the state house, the sooner you have the truck you need to get to Tommy.” That’s what all this is about after all, getting to his brother.

Joel nods, agreeing with you. You, Tess, and the girl trail behind him. Joel hears Tess telling the kid about Boston and the wreck it is now, but he isn't really listening, too busy scanning the area for any threats: human or infected.

He walks into the hotel and Ellie is amazed. "Wow. Did you guys ever stay somewhere like this?" She asks and Joel snorts while Tess says, "it was a bit out of our price range." You can't help but snort when Joel sasses the kid by hopping down onto the last step.

"Come on." You urge her forward and she rambles on about the hotel. When she rings the bell, Joel rolls his eyes and you shrug, offering him a look of amusement.

Halfway through the lobby when Ellie screams, you turn around and rush back through the water, unsure if it’s a clicker. Relieved when Joel isn’t shouting and shooting, you find the decayed bones of an unfortunate bastard floating. He must have moved and scared the girl. You hum, watching as Joel offers her his hand, something that he wouldn’t have done if he didn’t somewhat believe her story about not being infected, so it bodes well for her. “Come on kid,” you offer, giving her a small smile. “Let’s go up to the rooms. We’ve got a hell of a climb.”

Once you climb the ridiculous amount of stairs, Joel curses when he finds the exit has caved in. “Fuck.” He grunts.

“I can fit through. Let me try and get through.” Tess says and Joel shakes his head, “we can go the short way.”

Tess huffs, “we don’t have time. I’ll be fine.” She promises and starts to climb through the debris. You hover near Ellie, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs at their secret look, only between them. It makes you feel like you’re a thousand miles away from them. Ellie slumps down on the floor and Joel follows suit, looking over at you while Ellie starts to ask him questions.

You fiddle with your gun, trying not to feel like you are stuck in the middle of a Q&A that you don’t want to be at. Snickering to yourself when Ellie sasses back at Joel that she knows where Detroit is. Only to be surprised moments later when Joel actually knows where you are from. You had only told him once and assumed that he had forgotten or didn’t care enough. “So you and her are….” Joel’s entire body tenses.

“Pass.” Of course he wouldn’t define their relationship, he doesn’t ever acknowledge things Tess says in front of you, but he doesn’t deny them either.

Ellie huffs and turns her inquisitive eyes towards you. “So that means you and her are……” She trails off, trying to get either one of you to fill in the gaps.

Joel grunts, “pass.” He doesn’t want to talk about you or Tess with Ellie.

“Are you- is it like a throuple situation?” She guesses and Joel snorts, “nope.”

You and Tess would kill each other before you fuck each other. “Absolutely not.” You wrinkle your nose at being with Tess. God, she gets under your skin but she is important to Joel.

“Rightttt.” Ellie drawls just as there’s a thumping on the door. Joel stands up, gun in hand, anxious until Tess shouts her announcement that she’s back. Joel sighs slightly, relieved to see Tess, and he gestures for you and Ellie to get your shit.

Your stomach knots, knowing that the hardest part is coming up but there is something calming about the view from the terrace. Looking out over the ruins of the city that you had wished to have visited before all of the world went to shit. Tess pulls back the heavy plastic curtain so Ellie can get her first look and you walk up to the ledge.

Ellie has to step up on the little ledge and she looks down at the courtyard below. “There’s so many of them.” Ellie exhales, looking at that view. You shift to stand next to her, Joel on the other side. Tess starts to talk, explaining the way the fungus spreads. “They’re connected.” Tess hums. “More than you know.” Joel looks over at you and meets your eyes for a second.

You wish that he cared about you, but he doesn’t. You tear your eyes away from his and listen to Tess tell Ellis about how the tendrils spread underground, alerting other infected to your location. “You’re not immune from being ripped apart.” Tess cautions her. “You understand?” For a moment, the woman you hold such a grudge against seems almost motherly and you wish that she could talk to you with half the kindness, although you know you’ve not been exactly nice to her. Your feelings for Joel getting in the way of that.

“So we’re not going that way.” Ellie huffs and you shake your head, knowing what’s coming. “Short way?” She asks, looking between the three of you and you look to Joel for his opinion.

“Museum.” He decides, making you roll your shoulders in anticipation of the problems ahead.

You are anxious, preparing yourself to enter the museum and Joel glances at you, "be careful." He tells you softly, ignoring the glance from Tess. He opens the door, pleased after discovering the fungal roots are dry. He enters the Bostonian Museum, keeping his gun raised and ready.

Blowing out a soft breath, you grip your gun in your hand tightly and keep your head on a swivel as you watch your steps. The museum is dark and all you have for light is the flashlights, the kid breathing heavily at your back and you swear you hear her huff under her breath because Joel wouldn’t let her have a gun. She looks around, taking in the scene as the old building creaks and groans around you. “Yeah, cooked.” Joel says and Tess grunts.

“Finally some fucking luck.” Ellie steps forward, almost carelessly at their conversation. “I guess we should have gone this way in the first place.” Joel hums, not watching as Ellie turns a corner.

“Oh shit!” You rush over and shine another light on the body she discovered, groaning to yourself when you see that the person has been ripped up. Knowing what causes that. “What the fuck did that?” She demands, making you shush her quickly. You look over at Tess and Joel, the other woman looking nervous.

“Maybe.” Tess whispers. “Maybe he was attacked outside. Crawled through the door, the door was open. It could have been him.” She insists, making you roll your eyes and scoff quietly. She knows that’s not what happened.

“I don’t hear anything.” She insists. “What would you hear?” Ellie demands, her voice at a normal volume and all three of you turn towards her to quiet her down.

Joel holds his hand up, telling Ellie to quieten down. “What would you hear?” She repeats in a whisper, “you saying an infected did that?” Tess shushes her and you bite your lip. “-because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Ellie looks back at the body.

“Okay from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet, silent.”

Ellie shakes her head “what-”

Joel cuts her off, “no questions. Just do it.” Joel is anxious, always tense when he’s in closed spaces, and he slowly makes his way up the stairs. It’s difficult to move so slow but he is careful when he steps on the dried fungus. He manages to make it up the stairs and onto the second floor. He opens the door, walking in with his gun ready. The ceiling collapses and Tess shoves Ellie forward, pushing her into you and the three of you fall onto the floor. Joel helps Ellie up and that’s when you hear it. A clicker.

Shit. Your gun comes up and you immediately move in front of Ellie, flanking Joel to his left and Tess to his right. You’re trapped in a room with a fucking clicker. You don’t dare to breathe, barely creeping forward since they rely on hearing, totally blind with the large, hard fungal growth covering their heads. You hear her breathing start to pick up and you turn to find her wide as you realize there is more than one. All of you crouch down behind a display and Joel motions to Ellie that they rely on hearing. You can see the terror on her face, making the way your heart is pounding in your chest. Joel puts his finger to his lips again as they continue to make horrible screeches and clicks as they search for the source of the sounds. The clicker comes around the display and the little girl sees it for the first time, inhaling sharply.

Shit. The clicker turns and screeches before Joel brings his gun up to shoot it.

It’s terrifying, fighting for your life, and you are scared that Joel is gonna get bitten. You scramble to shoot the clicker but eventually you run out of bullets. Joel curses, “fucking go.” He hisses, “I’ll distract it.” You rush to hide around a corner to reload your gun. The girl and Tess are across the room and your hands shake as you struggle to reload your weapon. “

Fuck.” You hiss and Joel comes to stand beside you, doing the same thing. His eyes are full of fear and you stare back at him until you hear the clicks.

Your eyes close for a brief second, well aware that this could be it for you. You hate it. The fact that you could die in this fucking museum and never find Tommy. Never tell Joel how you feel. The floorboards creak and you hear the clicks right next to you. Another sound draws its attention and you turn to watch it, finding Ellie cowering behind a display and both you and Joel creep over to her. Making your way silently until Joel steps on a piece of broken glass. You cry out and start shooting as the clicker flies over the display and knocks all three of you to the ground, trying to infect you as you fight it off.

Joel curses, scrambling to keep the clicker away from you and Ellie and himself. It’s a struggle but eventually he manages to push it aside and put a bullet in its neck and eventually it’s face. Just as that one falls, the other rushes forward and Tess swings an axe into its head. Joel scrambles to grab his rifle, shooting the bastard in the head to kill it. “You alright?” Joel asks Tess as she stands.

“Twisted ankle.”

He turns to you, eyes wide and asks you the same question. “I’m fine.” You answer and Tess asks Ellie who exhales shakily, “well I didn’t shit my pants.”

You can’t help but laugh at her response, knowing you felt the same way the first time you dealt with clickers. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Turning back towards the kid, your eyes widen when you see that she’s injured again. “Ah…I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.”

You catch the way that Tess tenses up, making you frown slightly but she’s quickly redirecting the conversation. “Hey, let’s get out of here.”

Making your way onto the roof, it’s obvious that Tess needs medical attention. Joel hands Ellie a rag for her arm and turns his attention to Tess. Leaving you to walk over to the other girl and help her while he concentrates on wrapping her ankle. “Come here. I’ll help you.” It will be a good distraction, tending to her wound rather than watching Joel fret over a twisted ankle. Soon her arm is wrapped and she’s walking towards the edge and the scaffolding that connects the two buildings. “Over there?” She asks and Joel barely glances at her. “Yeah, I know it looks scary.” Joel starts but Ellie interrupts him. “That was scary, this is wood.” She huffs as she brazenly walks across the beam and makes you smirk at the other two adults.

"Just wait there. Give us a minute." Joel says and you step to follow Ellie across the wood, not wanting to see the tenderness Joel gifts Tess with. "Be careful." Joel warns you while opening his backpack. You scoff, walking across the wood as brazenly as Ellie. Joel shakes his head, while he tapes Tess's ankle.

"Told you, she's trouble." Her eyes focus on Joel but he doesn't notice, set on the job at hand. "There's probably more ahead."

Tess nods, "so we'll deal with it then...I got it. I got it." She tells Joel when he wraps around her ankle again.

Joel leans back to look at Tess until his gaze turns to the building across from them. "What about the kid?" He asks, "maybe the first bite didn't take but what about the second?"

Tess huffs, turning towards him, "why don't you just take the good news? Can you do that?" She asks Joel, "can you just for once think that we might actually win?" Tess asks and shakes her head, "just go and watch her and your fucking puppy."

Joel sighs, grabbing his backpack and rifle before making his way across the wood. “Wow.” Ellie exhales, looking at that view. You shift to stand next to her, Joel on the other side.

“Is that everything you hoped for?” Joel asks Ellie as you stare across what used to be a major city now turned to a deserted urban jungle.

“Jury’s still out.” Ellie replies back, “but man…you can’t deny that view.” You hum in agreement and Joel looks at Ellie before his eyes meet yours for a second.

“Tess gonna live?” You ask, breaking the moment up but you hate how his eyes seem to suck you in. It’s not going to happen for you and you need to accept that. You’ve already decided that when Joel and Tess get their vehicle from the Fireflies, you are going to stay. You’ll go with them or turn around and find a way back to the QZ. You can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard and you know that it will never be you that he picks. Stupid of you to fall for a man who was obviously involved with someone whether or not he admitted it. Joel rolls his eyes, not answering you and you swallow harshly. “When we get to the state house-” You start, wanting to tell him your plan, but Tess comes hobbling up.

“Come on, let's get there before it’s dark” She demands, impatient to get moving again as she swings herself onto the ladder.

Ellie goes next and then you look at Joel who nods at you. You nod and make your way down the ladder, firm in your decision. Joel glances at his watch, thinking about Sarah, and forces himself to keep going. As you walk towards the state building, Joel glances down at Ellie’s arm. Cautious and wondering if she’s gonna turn at any second. When you arrive, there’s no one there and you duck behind a car to see if anyone shows. “Where the fuck are they?” Tess asks and Joel shakes his head, looking back at Tess before his eyes meet yours.

He stands, rifle in his grip, and he makes his way over to the truck. Cautious and alert, he opens the passenger door and turns back to you, Tess and Ellie. “Stay back.” He orders, making his way around the truck to find the back is empty.

“Joel, what the fuck is going on?” You, Tess and Ellie come towards the truck and Joel shakes his head.

“I don’t know.”

You look around, a bad feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. “They went inside.” Ellie tells you, pointing to the blood on the ground and you sigh, knowing that is never a good sign.

Tess seems to take this as a personal attack and grabs Ellie’s hand as she marches towards the steps. “Tess.” Joel huffs, making you roll your eyes but you follow are the pair. Not for Tess’s sake, but for the girls. You know Joel will be right behind you. You walk into the state house, finding all of the crew dead on the floor in the middle of a vegetation patch.

“Holy shit.” Ellie hisses, and you have to agree. This is bad.

“Fuck.” You hiss under your breath, checking for signs of FEDRA or if it was infected that got them.

Tess searches the bodies, “I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She says, searching the crate closest to her.

“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks and you shrug, glancing back at Joel who pulls the body at his feet back onto its back.

“No. One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost. Tess? What’re you doin’?” He asks, turning back towards her as she continues searching.

Tess steps towards the girl and you edge your way in front of her to protect her. “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you? Ellie!”

The girl steps forward, “uh. I don’t know. Just west.”

Tess turns away, “just west. Fuck. Okay. Well, I mean one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” She says more to herself. “Joel, can you help me?” She asks, nearly begging.

Joel shakes his head, “no! Tess, it’s over. We are going home.” He walks towards her, wanting to get everyone back to the QZ and safe.

Tess growls, “that’s not my fucking home.” Joel stares at her, eyes unreadable as Tess stands up. “I’m stayin’.” She declares, “I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

Joel’s face falls and your eyes widen just as Ellie says, “fuck. She’s infected.” Joel turns back to Tess, staring at her, almost begging her with his eyes for that to not be true.

“Show me.” Joel demands and you can hear the agony in the two words. He doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t want it to be true. Your stomach drops, hating that she has been infected despite your differences. It didn’t mean you wanted her dead.

“Joel.” She takes a step towards him and instinctively, he jolts backwards, pulling away from her. You walk towards the kid and put your arm around her shoulder gently, wanting to comfort her. Tess pulls her jacket away so you can see the bite on her neck and you close your eyes. “Oops.” She jokes. “Right?’ She turns to Ellie. “Take your bandage off.” You help Ellie take the bandage off to reveal that her own wounds from the clickers haven’t gotten any worse. She’s not infected. Walking over, she takes the girl's arm. “Look, Joel.” She demands, holding it up for him to inspect. “This is real. Joel she’s fucking real.” She insists. “I need you to get her to Bill and Franks.”

“No,” Joel shakes his head.

“They’ll take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.”

“No, no, no, I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not going to take her.” He frowns.

“They will ‘cause you’ll convince them.” Tess tells him. “Yes you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…” You frown in confusion, not understanding what the fuck she is talking about. Joel loves her.

“No.” Joel shakes his head but Tess interrupts him.

“Not to…shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.” Joel looks devastated and you clutch Ellie’s shoulder as you try not to react to this entire scene being played out in front of you.

“This is your chance. You get her there, you keep her alive, and you set everything right. I know you don’t feel the same way I do but you need to stop burying your feelings. Life is too damn short to keep lying to yourself.” Tess says, her eyes meeting yours before she looks back at Joel’s. “All the shit we did…” She looks over at you, “he was gonna offer you up to Robert. He was gonna trade sex with you for the battery we needed.”

Your jaw drops and Joel refuses to look at you, keeping his gaze on Tess’s. “Little puppy dog, always following him around. Thinkin’ you were the third wheel when it was always me.” Tess chuckles humorlessly and shakes her head. “Please say yes, Joel, please.” Tess begs and Joel’s gaze shifts over to you.

The way you’re looking at him is enough to make him say no. He wants to protect you, protect the girl. He can’t do that if he takes you both to Bill and Frank’s. “Please.” Tess begs again just as the body behind Ellie shifts to crawl.

“Oh fuck!” The teenager yells and ducks behind you and Joel when you move her out of the way. Joel doesn’t hesitate to take his gun out, killing the bastard, and his jaw is clenched when he sees the fungus curling around the dead digits. He looks towards the door and rushes past Tess to open it. Eyes panicked when he looks back after shutting the door.

“How many?” Tess asks.

“All of them. Maybe a minute.” Joel says, spinning around in a panic to face you but you refuse to meet his eye.

Tess gets to work, pushing over the barrels of gasoline, spilling it over the ornate tile floor. “What are you doing?” You ask and Tess answers with “making sure they don’t follow you.”

Joel is frozen, facing the reality that the woman who’s been his right hand for so long is not walking out of this building with him. He steps closer to her, grenades roll across the floor. “Joel.” Tess moves to stand in front of him. “Joel.” She repeats and he finally meets her gaze. “Save who you can save.” She orders, her eyes flicking over to you before she meets his dark stare.

He’s struggling. Part of him wants to drag Tess out of here but the other side of him wants to keep you safe. He’s torn and eventually, the side of the living wins. He stares at Tess, offering her a small nod, and he spins, grabbing Ellie’s hand and wrapping his arm around your waist. “Stop! We’re not leaving her. Get off of me you fucker! I’m not going with you!” Ellie shouts and you let Joel drag you out of the building. He’s frantic to get you away before the building explodes with Tess inside of it.

“Hurry up.” He growls, dragging you both until you’re far enough away. He ducks down as the glass explodes, shoving you on the floor, and he grabs his rifle to aim it in case any infected chase after you.

Ellie stands beside him, watching their bodies fall to the floor with the flames, and Joel eventually lowers the gun. “Joel…” You trail off and he shakes his head, turning to walk away. Ellie lingers for a moment until you step forward to follow him.

Your jaw rocks and you shake your head, unable to believe that he had refused to even talk to you after Tess dropped that bomb on you. At least she told you before she died, even though it was supposed to be one last barb through your heart. “I’m not going.” You decide, stopping short, only a few hundred feet from where you had watched the building explode. “This is your mission. For Tess.” You turn around and start walking back the way you just came, sure that the infected will be burned now given the size of the fire bomb and the smoke still billowing from the building.

Joel pauses, watching you for a moment until he strides forward to grab your wrist, pulling you back to stop you walking away. “You ain’t going anywhere. It’s too dangerous. Stop movin’.” He growls when you try to pull out of his grip. “I don’t understand. What - why you wanna go back?”

Instead of trying to pull out of his grip, you spin around, slapping him across his cheek. “You fucking bastard!” You hiss, yanking your wrist away from him as he loosens his grip in shock. “You were going to- going to fucking sell me to Robert for your fucking battery!” Hot tears spill down your cheeks and you don’t even bother wiping them away. “I knew you didn’t-“ you break off, “fuck you, Miller.”

Joel is shocked that you slapped him and he hisses, “Jesus Christ.” He curses Tess despite her soul not even leaving the damn earth yet. “I didn’t sell you. He wanted you and I said no. I fuckin’ told him no.” He clarifies, ignoring the wide eyed look from Ellie.

“Tell me you didn’t think about it.” You challenge him, chest heaving as you step closer and square up to him. “Tell me that you didn’t consider it.” Joel doesn’t answer you and your chin trembles when you see the guilt in his eyes. “I thought so.” You choke out. “I fucking loved you and you were going to whore me out to save money and get your goddamn battery.”

He shakes his head, “no baby. I didn’t - I didn’t do it though.” He chokes, knowing you hate him and he doesn’t know why that destroys him when he’s fought so hard to keep you at arms length. “You can’t love me, okay? I’m - I’m a fucking mess and I was fooling around with Tess until I realized that I -” He cuts himself off, knowing that it’s getting dangerous.

“Until you what? Couldn’t whore her out?” You spit, shaking your head at him. “I put up with the stupid fucking nickname. ‘Puppy dog’.” You sneer. “Guess that’s what I was, huh? A stupid little puppy dog that doesn’t fucking realize she’s not wanted. Following you around, helping you, trying to make you- fuck, I don’t know.” You lift your hands helplessly and slap them down against your thighs. “Make you love me, I guess. But that’ll never happen. I’m not Tess.” You close your eyes, and sigh. “Just- go to take Ellie where Tess wanted you to, go find your brother. I’ll- I’ll be fine. I’m not your problem.”

He knows he will lose you forever if he lets you go now and he’s lost so much in his life. The burden he carries every damn day with each life he loses around him. He can’t lose you too. He brushes over what you said to finish his own sentence. “I was fooling around with Tess until I realized that I was fuckin’ in love with you and Jesus fuckin’ Christ that terrifies me.” He confesses, chest heaving.

You frown, not believing him for a second. “Don’t lie to me, Joel.” You sob out angrily. “You at least owe me the fucking truth.”

Ellie steps forward. “Hey so, uh- it’s-“

You turn around and glare at her. “Not now!” You hiss, wanting to finish this so you can leave and find some place to hole up for the night before sneaking back into the QZ. “She was practically living in your apartment. She was there every damn night. Now you want to tell me you weren’t fucking her?”

“I stopped. We weren’t - we were plannin’ the smuggling. We weren’t doing shit other than figurin’ out how to get shit past the wall, past FEDRA. Jesus, sweetheart, I didn’t - I don’t want to put you in danger. I’ve been tryin’ to keep you safe. Tess knew how I feel. Shit, she was jealous and that’s why she called you my puppy dog. I should’ve stopped it but doing that wouldn’t meant acknowledging these fuckin’ feelings that I’ve been tryin’ to squash down. Love doesn’t succeed in this goddamn hellhole. Love is a weakness and I - shit - you make me weaker than a paper straw under a one ton weight.”

You don’t know if you believe him. The sting of finding out that he had even thought about giving you to Robert, even for a moment, stings. But you know it would be safer for Ellie if there was more than one capable adult looking out for her ass. There’s enough of you that immediately wants to forgive Joel that you stare into his dark eyes for a moment before you nod. “Fine.” You whisper. “I’ll….go with you on this fucking haul.”

Joel is relieved that you are coming along. He knows this conversation isn’t over but you need to get moving. Get to some kind of shelter before it gets dark. “Come on baby. We can talk later. Let’s get safe first.” He says, grabbing his rifle. Ellie raises her eyebrows at him as he walks past her.

“Never knew you were so emotional, Joel.” She scoffs, remembering the books that would be passed around in secret at the school about romance and how the guy would kiss the girl after declaring he loved her.

Instead of following directly behind Joel, you put the girl between you and him. Bringing up the rear for safety as well as to give you some space to allow for thinking about what the fuck you are going to do. You know Joel isn’t a ‘good man’ in the pre-end of the world morality. Maybe he was then, but this life, this world changed everyone - you included. You don’t even know as much as Tess might have, but you know that he had saved you when he could have killed you. That he didn’t give you to Robert. Biting your lip, you wonder if that’s why he was choking the bastard the day before yesterday. Not that it mattered, the fucker was dead. Sighing softly, you shift your gaze around the fading light to look for somewhere to safely pass the night.

Joel guides you through the forest that is invading Boston, nature taking back what is rightfully hers. Joel sighs, holding his rifle, until he comes around a sheltered area. It’s not comfortable but it’s safe and that’s all that matters. “We will set up here.” He declares, watching the tree line for any disturbances and when he doesn’t find any, he shrugs his pack off.

You don’t speak, just shrug off your own pack and set it down as you start to get the area ready for the night. While the infected weren’t in this area, wild animals were. A fire would be necessary to keep them from getting too close and you know that the sun will be setting soon. You start to drag trash and debris closer, scrapping out an area to start the fire and pile things high. Joel can’t move much, not with his hand even though he would protest over it.

Joel watches you start the fire and Ellie sits down on the ground, opening her pack to pull her sandwich out. She’s starving and she doesn’t want to wait to eat. When you’ve started the fire, Joel pulls out his food and water, holding it out towards you. “You gotta eat, sweetheart.” He says, watching you sit down across from him. He will mourn Tess later when he takes watch. He doesn’t want to show his emotions now when you’ve shattered him with your onslaught.

Shaking your head, you don’t take his offerings. “You need it more than me.” You tell him as you reach for your own pack. “I have my own but I just-” You bite your lip. “I’m going to sleep first. You take first watch and wake me in a few hours.” You don’t let him argue, setting your pack up as a pillow and turning your back on him and the girl, curling in on yourself and forcing yourself to close your eyes.

He doesn’t argue, knowing you need to rest and he needs time to think. Ellie looks at him as he starts to chew on the jerky and he ignores her raised eyebrows. “Don’t say a word, kid.” He orders, shaking his head after he swallows the chewy bark.

Ellie rolls her eyes, “whatever dude. You can’t see what’s right in front of you. What Tess saw.” She says and continues eating. Joel grimaces, thinking of Tess. He tried to hide how he felt about you from her, thinking he had been successful but he wasn’t.

You don’t know how long you’ve been asleep, but your jerk awake with a gasp. Your hand reaches for the gun that is right next to you and you flip over to try to figure out what woke you. The fire is still burning and the kid is curled but about five feet from you, wedged between the concrete wall and the fire. Joel is still awake, his eyes watching as you sit up. “Shit.” You huff, putting the gun down and blinking rapidly. “Get some sleep, I’ll take over.” You promise, groaning quietly as you move to your feet to stretch.

Joel shakes his head, “no. I wanna talk. Come here.” He pats the space beside him, wanting you to come and sit down.

You hesitate but eventually sit down beside him. “What is it Joel?” You murmur, not wanting to rehash this bullshit.

“Shut up.” He orders and you open your mouth. “Shut the fuck up.” He hisses, pissed off with you. “I’m not gonna make this damn speech again, okay? I don’t do this shit. Not since before outbreak day. I - I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t - I can’t lose someone else and I - I haven’t felt this way in so damn long and I tried to ignore it but I love you. I’m in love with you darlin’ and that fuckin’ terrifies me.”

His speech startles you, not expecting to hear something like that. Not from him. You close your eyes and absorb the words that you have wanted to hear for so long, believing them to be nothing more than a wistful dream. “I’m sorry.” You offer. “For that, I guess. For Tess.” You have to look away from his dark gaze, unable to look at him for too long without wanting to kiss him. “I’m not sorry that I love you though.” You murmur, looking into the fire. “It’s- it hurt everyday but it was worth it.”

He turns to look at you, his brown eyes almost orange as they reflect the flames of the fire. He’s slow, giving you a chance to pull away but he leans in, cupping your cheek. His calloused thumb caresses the skin there and he leans in to kiss your lips. It’s soft, the opposite of him, but he wants this moment to be good, to be memorable in case you don’t make it past tomorrow. In this life, every day is a bonus.

Eyes slipping closed, you want to live in this moment. Joel’s lips on yours makes your entire body tingle. Reaching up and taking his hand while your other finds his shoulders. Moaning softly because you can’t believe this is happening and you never expect it to be so gentle.

Joel groans softly into the kiss, grabbing your ass to pull you into his lap. Straddling him and he glances over your shoulder to make sure the kid is still asleep. “Fuck.” Joel groans when you are pressed against him, his lips finding your jaw and he kisses until his lips press against yours again.

You whine again his lips when his hands squeeze your ass just like you’ve imagined more times than you ever want to admit. Wrapping your arms around his neck and shamelessly grinding down on the bulge in his jeans that you had always salivated over. “Joel.” You whisper, not wanting to wake the kid. “I-“ he shushes you, pressing his lips to yours again.

His hands slide under your shirt, wanting to feel more of you, and he groans when you grind down on him again, cock hardening in his jeans. He thinks you’re gorgeous, fucking gorgeous, and he’s jerked off thinking about you too many lonely nights after he stopped sleeping with Tess. “We gotta be quiet.” He orders, sliding his hands higher so he can undo the clasp of your bra. He doesn’t take it off, just pushes it up your chest so he can slide his hands around your torso to cup your tits, squeezing them in his rough hands.

There’s a voice in the back of your mind that wonders if this is because Tess is dead. If you’re merely replacing her for him. You push it down, ignore it. You don’t care when you are getting to touch him like you’ve always wanted to. Ducking your head down and kissing the bare patch on his jaw like you’ve always wanted to. Your fingers fumbling with his belt as you try to get him free from his pants. You can’t ride him like this, not without taking your pants off and that’s dangerous. Hell, this is too dangerous really. You’re distracted by him.

He knows this is dangerous, the girl could wake up, but he desperately wants to feel you. He works on your pants, unbuttoning them and he shoves his hand inside, cupping your cunt after sliding under your panties. He finds you wet but not dripping and his fingers rub your clit after sliding through your folds.

You swear you’re going to bite through your lip trying to keep quiet. Loving the thick fingers you’ve watched so many times slide though your folds and press against your clit. “Joel.” You pant, needing more from him. “I- you have to fuck me.” You gasp out. “Please. Just- just once.” You know that he might change his mind come morning. That he could put that wall back up but you will be happy if you just get one night. “Please, baby. I need you.”

He nods, knowing he needs that connection. Losing Tess, nearly losing you, it’s been a long ass day and he wants to connect to you. He whispers for you to stand up and he withdraws his fingers, making you whine softly. When you stand, he pulls your jeans and panties down to your ankles, dragging you back into his lap so you are straddling him, cunt bare to the cool night air. He reaches down to take his cock out, “can’t cum inside of you. Gonna need you to let me drag you off when I cum.” He whispers, knowing he won’t risk you like that.

You nod quickly, readily agreeing to whatever he wants. “I know- it’s- it’s okay.” You promise, reaching down and wrapping your hand around the thick head of his cock and moaning quietly at the smear of pre-cum building up on the tip so gorgeously. “I-“ instead of telling him that you love him again, you rock your hips forward and line him up so you can sink down on him with a moan of his name that is pressed to his shoulder as you take him.

Fuck, you’re so tight. Hot and wet around him and you mean so much to him. His heart thumps in his chest while his cock twitches when you bottom out. “Fuckkkk.” He hisses through his teeth, hands gripping your ass and he struggles to remain calm as he allows you a moment to adjust around him. “Gotta be quiet.” He whispers in your ear, kissing the skin beneath it.

“You- you might have to cover my mouth.” You admit breathlessly, whispering the words to him as you flash him a quick smile. “Always been loud in bed.” An irony in a world where you’ve had to be silent at so many times when you just wanted to scream. Your fingers sink into his hair and you tug on it slightly as you start to move, wanting to ride him and eager to feel this incredible cock filling you more.

Joel knows he will want more after this. He’s already addicted to you and the thought of ever giving this up, you up, has him on edge. He presses his lips to yours, silencing you with his tongue, and he groans softly when your walls grip him tight when you find the angle that works for you. His hands slide up and down your back, squeezing your ass and enjoying how damn good you feel around him.

You try to stifle your sounds but it’s hard when he feels like he’s in your fucking throat. Stretching you out and making you feel more relaxed than you have in years, while craving more. Your tongue tangles with his while your thighs start to push up and down, moving yourself on his length in a way that keeps you as close as possible. Needing to feel every inch of him as much as you can.

Joel is trying to hang on to his composure, resist the urge to roll you over and just slam into you, fuck you into the ground, but he can’t. The kid is there. He can’t do that now. So he lets you lead, just pulling back to watch you work yourself on his cock. When your mouth opens to moan again, he shoves two fingers in there, wanting you to keep quiet. “Can’t wake the kid, darlin’. You gotta keep quiet.” He reminds you, leaning in to rasp in your ear.

His hands are dirty, filthy. You should want to spit them out but you don’t. Not even caring at this point. The feeling of his cock shredding up into you every time your hips fall is too good to care. His voice rumbling in your ear makes your cunt clench around him, swearing you can cum from him talking.

There’s so much to say to you and yet he can’t. The risk is too much, to both waking up the kid, and to his own heart. He can’t bring himself to say anything but he does lean in to kiss you, replacing his fingers with his lips, and his hand finds your clit. Rubbing tight circles in it as he gets closer to his own orgasm.

You whimper, groaning as he keeps rubbing your clit. Trying to keep quiet but it’s so hard when he feels this good. Your arms tighten around him and you kiss him harshly, feeling your cunt bottom out and your entire body light up with pleasure as you start to cum for him.

“That’s it baby.” Joel practically exhales into your mouth as you clamp down on his cock, body shaking against his. He pulls you closer, thrusting up into you as best he can until he’s pushing you onto the ground beside him, barely managing to shift onto his knees to cum on the dirt and not ruin your clothing. He pants, chest heaving while his cock twitches in his hand. “Jesus Christ.” He exhales, letting go of his cock to tuck himself away and he shuffles over to where you are on the ground. “Sorry baby. Couldn’t - needed to pull out.”

“It’s fine.” You pant, understanding why he needed to pull out, but wishing he hadn’t. “You can’t risk it.” You’ve never told him anyway and in the moment isn’t a good time anyway. It’s not like it matters anyway. You shuffle quietly, trying to pull your clothes back on and put yourself to rights.

Joel watches you put your clothes back on and once you’re settled, he reaches for your hand, dragging you close to wrap his arms around you. He breathes you in, relieved that he didn’t lose you today. He lost Tess, which he will process and grieve in his own way, but right now, he’s just happy to have you. He loves you, he really does. He wishes he had told you sooner but this life is unpredictable at the best of times. You have a journey ahead with him to get to Bill and Frank’s and he will do everything he can to keep you safe. Whatever it takes…he won’t lose anyone else he loves.

****

Joel reluctantly turns over the responsibility of watch to you. He needs rest, you know he didn’t sleep last night and he’s had a fucking hell of a day. You all had, but him most of all. Whatever him and Tess had been towards the end, he had cared for her in his own way and he needed to grieve her. You keep the fire crackling, staring into the flames when you aren’t watching the inky blackness around your small space and listening for more than the rustles of wildlife. Your jerky and your water bottle your own companions through the rest of the night until the first rays of sun peak over the horizon and the sky begins to brighten.

When Joel wakes up, you and Ellie are talking, and he winces at the sunlight, trying to figure out how long he’s been asleep. “Why didn’t you wake me?” He grunts and you shake your head, “you needed to sleep.”

Ellie nods, “yeah man. You had a rough day yesterday.”

He sits up, running his fingers through his hair and he shifts to stand up. “We gotta get going. Get your shit together. I’m gonna take a piss.” He stumbles to the tree line, gun in hand and he checks his surroundings before he shoves the weapon in the back of his jeans and pulls his cock out to pee. When he returns, you’ve put the fire out and are ready to go. Joel grabs his pack and leads the way, rifle in hand.

You walk alongside Ellie for a bit, hanging back as you try to figure out how to tell Joel. You should, he deserves to know. “So, uh, did you work your shit out?” Ellie asks, making you look over at her. “Cause I don’t want it to be a tense trip.” She offers, making you snort.

“It’s going to be a tense trip regardless.” You remind her, the journey is no walk in the park for sure. “But we’ve talked. While you were asleep.”

Ellie snorts, “talked. Sure.” She doesn’t believe you just talked. She’s not dumb. She learned about all that in school and she knows that’s how most adults show how they feel. You fluster and look at Joel as he strides ahead, rifle gripped in his hand. He sighs and looks over his shoulder at you and Ellie.

You see Joel jerk his head towards you, motioning for you to come up beside him. Eager to get away from Ellie’s prying questions, you hustle forward and catch up to him. “Something up?” You ask, wondering if he wants to talk about the plan for getting Ellie to Bill and Frank’s.

Joel turns to look at you as you come alongside him, “everything okay with the kid?” He asks and you nod, “yeah she’s good.”

He sighs, “you think she’s gonna be okay with Bill and Frank?” You shrug, “who knows.” Joel glances behind him again to see Ellie looking around and he takes a chance to reach out and hold your hand.

Shocked, you look down at his large hand wrapped around yours, holding it tight and yet he’s not crushing it. Your heart thumps in your chest and it’s impossible to not fall more in love with him. “Joel- I need to tell you something.” You murmur softly, not wanting Ellie to hear.” You can feel him tense up but you squeeze his hand reassuringly. “It’s not- it’s nothing bad. Or, I guess it’s better to say, "I made peace with it a long time ago.” You take a deep breath. “You don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant.” You confess. “I can never have kids.”

Joel frowns, turning to look at you. "You can't - shit. Baby, I'm so sorry." He murmurs, knowing it must've been hard to process. "What - what did they say?" He is curious and wants to know why you can't have kids. He also wants to comfort you but all he can do is squeeze your hand. Even this is more intimacy than he is used to displaying.

“Premature ovarian failure.” You roll your eyes at the words that had been told you so many years ago. “Basically, I stop producing eggs.” You explain. “I found out about two years before the end of the world. So I guess it’s handy?” You try, your joke falling flat. “Not that I would want to have kids in a world like this. It’s not fair to them. Not fair to her.” You nod back towards Ellie. “I just- if we, you know, again….you don’t have to pull out if you don’t want to. If you do, I get it.”

Joel feels guilty that he is happy to hear he doesn't need to pull out but he's sad that you won't get to be a mom. You'd be good at it, even in this fucked up world. "I'm sorry you couldn't, you know, but, next time...I want you in a bed and I ain't gonna pull out." He murmurs so the kid can't hear.

You shiver slightly, happy to hear that there will be a next time if both of you can help it. You hum quietly and shoot him a small smirk. “Maybe we can find a hotel to spend the night in tonight.” You tease softly, not sure what awaits you on this journey but at least you’ll be there. By his side this time, instead of trailing along behind him like his little puppy.

#pedro pascal #joel miller #hbo the last of us spoilers #tlou hbo #hbo tlou #hbo the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction

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vaspider · 3 months

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Friend of mine from RL reached out like "hey I logged into Tumblr and went to try to find you so I searched vaspider and uhhh are you okay" and I'm just like, yeah, man, I have no idea what you're talking about.

So I'm gonna say this bc I have to say it every so often: Yeah, I know there are a bunch of people on here who have me living rent-free in the haterade brew of their brains.

No, I don't care.

It doesn't actually matter. Please understand that. It doesn't affect my actual life in any way. Every so often, people make me aware of someone who is stirring up a particularly noxious batch of haterade. And then?

I block them. I block their buddies who piled in on the post. I block the people who mindlessly reblog posts calling me whatever words are supposed to incite Tumblr's favorite current moral panic. I block all of them. This process takes maybe five minutes. At most. Usually, it takes a lot less.

And then - and this is the key part - I never think about any of those people ever again.

Nobody is required to like me, or to read what I write, or anything of the sort, and I'm not required to recognize that they exist. One of those two things happens, and it isn't me recognizing or remembering any of the people who spend so many thought cycles thinking about how I'm a [current scary word here].

I recommend this method for dealing with people who have nothing better going on in their lives than running around sending I SAW VASPIDER DANCING AT THE DEVIL'S MASS asks to anyone who reblogs a post with me in it or whatever. Try it. Genuinely. Just block anybody where the vibes are even slightly off - including me, sure. I assure you that if I ever notice - which is highly unlikely - I will not care. The only way I'd ever notice is if I try to like one of your posts and can't, in which case... I block you, bc if you don't want to talk to me, then cool, I'll respect that and make sure it's mutual.

And I move on with my life, and I never think about that person again.

So like, who wins in this situation? Some old dyke just minding his own business, or the people investing lots of time and energy and emotion in hating someone who doesn't remember that they exist?

#🤷🏻‍♂️

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phantomrose96 · 2 months

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Hey not to go all "tumblr is a professional networking site" on you, but how did you get to work for Microsoft??? I'm a recent grad and I'm being eviscerated out here trying to apply for industry jobs & your liveblogging about your job sounds so much less evil than Data Entry IT Job #43461

This place is basically LinkedIn to me.

I'm gonna start by saying I am so so very sorry you're a recent grad in the year 2024... Tech job market is complete ass right now and it is not just you. I started fulltime in 2018, and for 2018-2022 it was completely normal to see a yearly outflow of people hopping to new jobs and a yearly inflow of new hires. Then sometime around late-spring/early-summer of 2022 Wallstreet sneezed the word "recession" and every tech company simultaneously shit themselves.

Tons of layoffs happened, meaning you're competing not just with new grads but with thousands of experienced workers who got shafted by their company. My org squeaked by with a small amount of layoffs (3 people among ~100), but it also means we have not hired anyone new since mid-2022. And where I used to see maybe 4-8 people yearly leave in order to hop to a new job, I think I've seen 1 person do that in the whole last year and a half.

All this to say it's rough and I can't just say "send applications and believe in yourself :)".

I have done interviews though. (I'm not involved in resume screening though, just the interviews of candidates who made it past the screening phase.) So I have at least some relevant advice, as well as second-hand knowledge from other people I know who've had to hop jobs or get hired recently.

If you have friends already in industry who you feel comfortable asking, reach out to them. Most companies have a recommendation process where a current employee fills out a little form that says "yeah I'd recommend such-and-such for this job." These do seem to carry weight, since it's coming from a trusted internal person and isn't just one of the hundreds of cold-call applications they've received.

A lot of tech companies--whether for truly well-intentioned reasons or to just check a checkbox--are on the lookout for increasing employee diversity. If you happen to have anything like, for example, "member of my college Latino society", it's worth including on your resume among your technical skills and technical projects.

I would add "you're probably gonna have to send a lot of applications" as a bullet point but I'm sure you're already doing that. But here it is as a bullet point anyway.

(This is kind of a guess, since it's part of the resume screening) but if you can dedicate some time to getting at least passingly familiar with popular tech/stacks for the positions you're looking into, try doing that in your free time so you can list it on your resume. Even better if you make a project you can point to. Like if you're aiming for webdev, get familiar with React and probably NodeJS. On top of being comfortable in one of the all-purpose languages like C(++) or Java or Python.

If you get to the interview phase - a company that is good to work for WILL care that you're someone who's good to work with. A tech-genius who's a coworker-hating egotistical snob is a nuisance at best and a liability at worst for companies with even a half-decent culture. When I do interviews, "Is this someone who's a good culture fit?" is as important as the technical skills. You'll want to show you'll be a perfectly pleasant, helpful, collaborative coworker. If the company DOESN'T care about that... bullet dodged.

For the technical questions, I care more about the thought process than I do the right answer, especially for entry-level. If you show a capacity for asking good, insightful clarifying questions, an ability to break down the problem, explain your thought process, and backtrack&alter your approach upon realizing something won't work, that's all more important than just being able to spit out a memorized leetcode answer. (I kinda hate leetcode for this reason, and therefore I only ask homebrewed questions, because I don't want the technical portion to hinge at all on whether someone managed to memorize the first 47 pages of leetcode problems). For a new hire, the most important impression you can give me is that you have a technical grasp and that you're capable of learning. Because a new hire isn't going to be an expert in anything, but they're someone who's capable of learning the ropes.

That's everything I have off the top of my head. Good luck anon. I'm very sorry you were born during a specific range of years that made you a new grad in 2024 and I hope it gets better.

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nonbinarydeity · 1 year

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How to communicate with your subconscious mind

So in my last post, I said that I communicate with my subconscious regularly. How do I do that, and what does it help me with? That will be answered here! Feel free to ask questions if you have any 💕

You may feel guided to read this post! If you do, don't ignore that guidance!! That is your subconscious mind telling you that it wants to talk to you, and showing you how to do it!!

The process of communicating with your subconscious is incredibly easy!

Specify that you want to talk to your subconscious mind. This can be as easy as thinking "I'd like to speak with my subconscious." Now that I have rapport with mine, I usually just call out "Subconscious?" in my mind, and it answers.

Allow yourself to be guided to its answers. This is the trickiest part of the process, but it does get easier as you practice! Basically, don't force yourself to think anything: the first thought that comes into your head should be your subconscious mind answering you!

Pro tip! If you feel resistance in your chest, mind, head, etc. you're probably forcing your subconscious to say certain things, and that's not actually what it's trying to say! When your subconscious mind talks to you, it will feel like your thoughts, but smoother and more free flowing.

After that, the biggest step is just taking with your subconscious mind. Talk to it like you would a person, because it's literally just you, and you want to treat you well 🥰 It might take a little while to become comfortable conversing with yourself in this manner, but it becomes easier every time you do it!

You'll likely find that your subconscious has a personality similar to your own, but it may act how you'd like to act, or how you used to act, etc. It will appear in the way that will be the most comfortable for you, so don't worry about it! Remember that your higher self is literally just you: the you that exists on the 4D plane. It wants you to be happy, and it loves you dearly, because you are a part of it!

Benefits!

In terms of manifestation, you can ask your subconscious mind directly for things if you desire. Of course, it will give them to you, and it will reassure you that you have what you want as many times as you need! What you want may still take some time to manifest, but know that your subconscious mind will have more answers about the delay than anyone on Tumblr ever could!

Your subconscious mind will likely be able to guide you to answers and conclusions that you would not otherwise think of or consider. It knows what you need to do to manifest, and it knows what's stopping you. Don't be afraid to ask it questions! It would love to answer them so you can get what you want 💕

#master manifestor #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #manifest #living in the end #law of attraction #self concept affirmations #loa #loassumption #1k milestone

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chantiying · 9 days

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Why do I love you?

How to choose? Take a deep breath, close your eyes, open them and then choose the image that drawn your attention

1 2 3

Before to start, sorry for any mistakes or grammar error. English is not my first language

Remember tarot is not set on stone and you can change your path whenever you want. This is for entertainment purposes

This reading is general so if it doesn't resonate with you just let it go

Pile 1

Hey! Do I really have to give you reasons to understand how much you mean to me? Every conversation we have, from the deepest to the stupidest, through those silences that have never been uncomfortable between us. You keep me grounded, we've been through so much together. Every part of you is beautiful. I know that sometimes you doubt yourself, your body, even your luck, but I love you because despite everything you have lived and you are still here, and you're still fighting. We can do anything as long as we're together, forget those who let you down, forget those who betrayed you, forget all that, because now I'm here for you. Please let me know more about you, please let me help you. Don't be afraid, I do value all the effort you have made to be here, to stay here. I love you, because in spite of all the secrets, all the problems, all the things you've never said, you're still kind, considerate, still smiling and you keep bringing happiness to others.

I want to be with you, to give you my hand, to do crazy things together, I want you to believe in yourself again, and be in the process. I love you because you are my moonlight. Don't let your thoughts destroy you, we'll find our way, we two we'll fight all the monsters and dragons that torment you

I think this pile have a special connection with the moon

Talking to the moon by Bruno Mars

Maybe it's a friend, your crush, or someone who doesn't talk to you anymore or who you lost touch with because of distance. It can also be a spiritual guide. Anyway, it seems to be someone who misses you so much and talk to the moon about you

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Pile 2

I like spending time with you. I love you for all the witticisms you can have, for how free you seem to be, because in you I find a place to call home. I love you simply because that's what I came here for, to spend time with you, to love you, to take care of you, to help you, to fight together. You are a part of me, my fears, my insecurities, the difficult moments. The times you have seen me sad or crying, all those times you have been there for me, make me grateful for how lucky I am. Everything we've been through has only helped strengthen our relationship. I love you because you understand me even with my mood swings, because you could have left, but you've never done it. I want to have you always by my side, like my treasure. I know that you are always there for me, to advise me, to make me laugh, to go out, to forget everything, but I want you to know that I also want to be your shoulder on which you can rest, you are my hope, and I want you to find it in me too. I know you've been busy, but could we go out? Let's forget the worries even for a day, okay?

This connection feels like an old movie, like autumn season, or even like the last day of school

Indie rock music

Imperfect for you by Ariana Grande

It could be a friend, lover or relative

"And in that moment I swear we were infinite"

🎻࿔*:🍂⋆🎻࿔*:🍂

Pile 3

Why do I love you? Easy. You arrived just in time to reach out to me. Maybe I haven't told you this, but before you, I was afraid that no one would really love me, I asked so much for your arrival, I think I manifested you. I know that sometimes I can be absent, that it may seem like I don't care about anything or anyone, but you're the only exception. I love you because you have made me believe in destiny, because if it weren't for you, I don't know where I would be. You are my family, the person who calms me down when my fears seem to win. Remember that I'm there for you, even if sometimes I can't even handle my problems. I love you because you don't judge me, because my problems seem lighter when I'm with you. You make me feel strong. I love you because you take care of me, because you care about me, because I was lost until you found me.

It seems to be someone who is struggling with depression or someone who doesn't know how to externalize their emotions

It's a relief for them to have you

Pop music, maybe social gatherings?

I think it's someone who looks up to you. It may be younger than you or older, but you play the role of "mom" because of how you care about that person

🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Thank you for the support in my last (first) post. you guys are awesome

Alic (Chanty) 🪽

#tarot #tarot reading #tarot asks #tarot cards #tarot tumblr #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot and astrology #pick a card

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redtsundere-writes · 9 days

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OnlyFans | Toji Fushiguro

onlyfansboyfriend!toji fushiguro x femphotographer!reader

Sypnosis: You recently discovered that your boyfriend has an OnlyFans. You think he could look sluttier. Warnings: Minors do not interact. Mdni. Top!Toji Fushiguro, oral sex, smut, vaginal sex, rough and raw sex. Word Count: 1830 words. Author's Note: I was inspired to write this fic after reading @jujutsubaby 's headcanons.

Your feet were pedaling as fast as you could to get to your boyfriend's apartment. The wind rushed through your hair as you maneuvered the bike horns throughout the street. You just had been promoted, and you wanted to tell your boyfriend the good news in person. Maybe you could go to dinner and you would invite him this time. Toji was the one always taking you out to dinner every weekend, showering you with lavish gifts and sending flower arrangements to your office. You had barely been dating for 6 months, you didn't know what exactly he did for a living, but you knew he never had to worry about money.

You got to the apartment in record time and opened the door with the copy of the key he had recently given you. High-pitched moans along with your boyfriend's groans immediately caught your attention. "Fucking bastard, he's cheating on me!" you thought, filling up with rage. You ran to his room to catch him in the act, but you were the one who got the surprise.

You opened the door to his room and froze at the scene. Toji was masturbating his erect cock in front of a camera perched on a tripod in front of you. He was moaning like a bitch in heat as he rubbed the tip in circles with his veiny hand while a purple cock ring at the base of his big dick. His body was oiled up, his lips slightly opened and the sound of his skin against itself created such an amazing erotic image that your panties got instantly wet. The high-pitched moans came from a porn video playing on his computer. You knew your boyfriend was a sexual beast, but you didn't plan to see him like that at that moment.

“Hello, my love, what are you doing here?” Toji asked, breaking the character he was acting in front of the camera. He paused the porn video, turned off the camera and sat on the edge of the bed as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. His cock was still erect, patient to be touched again.

“What the fuck is this?” You ask confused, pointing at the camera and his beefy, oiled up body.

“I'm shooting a video for my OnlyFans,” he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. If your jaw was already on the floor, it was now underground. “Oh come on, honey, how do you think I paid for all the stuff I give you? By working honestly?” He scoffed.

“Do you have an OnlyFans?” You asked, processing the information you had just been given.

Toji sighed in disappointment and moved the camera out of the way to approach you. He could see in your reaction that you were disappointed in him. Toji Fushiguro will never quit his OnlyFans for anything or anyone in the world. Since he reached a thousand subscribers, he never had to worry about paying the household expenses or monthly school fees for his son, Megumi. He was a financially free man. He doesn't even remember when was the last time he looked at the price of something before buying it. In addition to the money, he loved the attention he received through the live feeds or the horny comments left on his nude photos.

“If it bothers you so much, let's call it quits,” he replied, annoyed at being criticized.

It was for this reason that Toji never revealed what he did for a living. He was already used to his girlfriends dumping him because of his work. Whenever he told them he was a sex worker, they would either freak out, break up with him or get jealous of his subscribers. It was a shame that you were like the others, he had grown fond of you over the last few months.

“What are you talking about?” You asked confused.

“I know you're going to break up with me. Just give me the key and let's forget this ever happened,” he said directly, extending his hand to you so you would give him the key.

“Toji, I am not mad that you have an OnlyFans. I am mad that you didn't tell me,” you replied annoyed.

He looked at you in surprise at the unexpected accusation. He really thought you'd go off like all the others. It was refreshing to see a girl confident enough to go out with him despite having over a thousand people drooling online over him.

“I want to see your pictures,” you asked.

Toji showed you his laptop with his OnlyFans profile. There were everything from pictures of him in front of a mirror in his underwear to videos of him masturbating. Toji didn't need anything else to be one of the most attractive men in the world, but his profile was very boring. Many of his photos were similar, and all the videos are shot from the same angle. A boring, bland and soporific profile. Toji could do much better than this.

From that day on, you decided to help him improve his profile to get more subscribers. You bought him lingerie, costumes, and sex toys. At the beginning you did it because you wanted him to win more money, but little by little he became your experiment. Every time you saw some hot guy doing something sexy on the internet, you wanted your boyfriend to imitate him. Your panties would get wet, and your nipples would get aroused every time you forced him to wear tight maid outfits, watched him masturbate live with toys you bought him or put him in different positions for the camera. Sometimes they would fuck after the photo shoot, but not when shooting videos.

As the months passed, they had reached 8k subscribers. To celebrate, Toji decided to do a livestream titled: “Fucking my photographer in appreciation for the 8k”. It was Toji’s idea. At first, you completely refused fearing that someone from your work would see it, but he convinced you by saying you could wear a mask and promised to take you shopping afterward.

You rented a room in one of the most expensive motels in town. The room was surrounded by mirrors covering every inch of wall, had a heart-shaped jacuzzi and a king-size bed with white sheets. The perimeter of the ceiling had purple LED lights that helped to conceive the sensual ambiance. You put on the latex bunny mask and a matching lingerie set Toji bought for you.

You lay down on the bed while Toji prepared the camera. He soon climbed on top of you to start the show. He pulled you close to his chest and kissed you passionately. Your bodies rubbed against each other, patient to get to the most interesting part, but you couldn't speed up the process. You had to make the spectators horny with foreplay. His strong hands roamed your lower back, molding your ass to his liking. His wet lips roamed over every part of your hot body.

Toji maneuvered you to his pleasure. He would put you in any position he wanted, rub his big member in any available cavity and make you feel like the only woman in the world. His sharp teeth bit into your bra to tear the fabric and take possession of your breasts. He licked, twisted and massaged your nipples, taking you on a non-stop aphrodisiac journey. Toji wasn't planning to hold back tonight. He was going to reward you for your hard work.

He whipped your body against the bed to get rid of your pesky panties. He stuck his head between your legs, sinking into your delicious shaft. Your back arched as soon as his tongue came in contact with your sensitive meat button. Toji ate you whole as if he had never tasted a bite in his life. You closed your legs due to the high level of pleasure, pressing against his head, but he forced you to open them again. He was a green-eyed predator watching his prey reaction as he tore it apart.

He sat on the edge of the bed and placed you on his lap. Your back was against his beefy chest. You could feel his soft pecs against your shoulder blades. He forced you to sit on his cock, facing the camera. His hands squeezed your waist to force you to ride his dick at an addictive pace you couldn't resist. His big member pounded the depths of your intimacy without any mercy. He spread your legs so that you were fully exposed to the viewers, he wanted everyone to see how beautiful you looked every time he fucked you.

“Toji~! Give me more!” You were a mess, you moaned his name every chance you got and gasped incoherently every time Toji pounded you with the almighty.

“Do you like when everyone sees what a slut you are?” I asked, smirking.

Toji could do whatever he wanted with you. You were his favorite toy, the muse he wanted to satisfy, the woman he owed so much to. He kissed your whole body, he fucked you until you forgot you were being filmed, and his passionate panting moans you crazy. His big cock hit all the right places as he hugged your waist to keep you close, as if you were going to escape. No one is foolish enough to want to escape Toji Fushiguro's strong arms.

“I'm cumming, Toji~!” You gasped as he stuffed you from behind.

The older one wouldn't stop moving even though he was sweating in places where he didn't know he could sweat from. He was ramming you full steam ahead, widening your insides and making sure to give you all he could offer. Your wet pussy could barely withstand the monstrosity he had. You moaned for more even though you knew you were about to cum. Toji decided to speed up the process, massaging your clit wretchedly. Your body contorted, falling victim to the brutal pleasure that coursed through you completely. A spasm took over your body, and you finally cum. It wasn't long before you felt Toji's hot cum invade your insides.

After a long livestream, Toji ordered food from the room service. You were eating burgers on the bed while watching Netflix. Your legs wouldn't stop shaking from the stress you had put them through. It maybe was an ordinary burger, but after three orgasms, it tasted like it was the best burger in the world. Toji put his arm around you to pull you closer to his body.

“You did very well,” he congratulated you. “We should do it more often.”

“I'll think about it,” you said with a shy smile.

His hand moved to your side, drawing your attention. Turns out he had hugged you to sneakily steal a fry from your plate. You slapped his hand to make him let go, and he just laughed nervously.

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solarpunkani · 14 days

Note

what are some things we can do to make the world better?

Gosh, this is a big question. It's also definitely something that's been on my mind for a long, long time. I mean, honestly, how could it not be?

I'm not gonna be able to provide any revolutionary, mind bending answers on this. I'm honestly something more akin to a coward, if anything--I'm not gonna be able to recommend going to protests or rebel action without being a huge hypocrite.

I guess what I did is pick a couple of topics to try my best to learn as much about as possible, so I can know what I can do to help, and then try to do as much of that stuff as possible. So in my case right now its gardening. I basically went 'oh? Butterflies and bees and pollinators are at risk due to habitat loss? Is there anything I can do about it?' Learned about what I could do about it (start a garden, grow certain plants, avoid certain practices like using pesticides and herbicides in said garden, etc.), and then did as much of that stuff as is reasonable for me. And then I also shared what I was doing with other people, and encouraged and helped them do it too if they're interested.

Is my rinky dink mismatched chaotic pollinator garden changing the world? Making the whole entire place better? Not necessarily. Maybe it's making the world a bit better for the pollinators that stop by though, and if I can convince more and more people to start pollinator gardens then it can help more pollinators. I bounced off from pollinator gardening to grow vegetables too, which I can then share with my community (donating to food banks/community fridges, or just offering some to the neighbors) which can definitely help as well.

You can use this process in other aspects too. Monarchs and milkweeds is what caught my eye and drew me to pollinator gardening, but maybe it just doesn't hit for you. Maybe you're more interested in fish, or ecosystems in rivers and streams. You can look into ways to help, and maybe then you'll get into cleaning riverbanks and such. Or maybe you're moreso interested in something like food scarcity and food deserts, and you can then launch into making community gardens or a system of community fridges and harrassing legislators calling your local representatives to back initiatives that will help. I think asking yourself 'what can I do about abcxyz', learning about it, and then doing what you can is definitely a good place to start. And maybe what you learn will lead you to going to things like protests and doing rebellious actions--in which case that's fantastic! The world needs a lot more people who are a lot braver than the woman behind this Tumblr curtain. Or maybe it won't--and that's okay too. We can do what we can together.

Will you change the entire world? Make the whole world better? Probably not, and I probably won't either. I don't think one person alone can change the world. But we can improve the worlds of a few creatures in a local area, or make the world better for people in our communities. And I think that's at least worth an effort.

If anyone else wants to chime in, by all means feel free! And if my advice sucks I'm sorry.

#out of queue #ani rambles #answered asks #anonymous #solarpunk

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sky-is-the-limit · 8 months

Text

Smut writers feel free to write this! (Feminine pronouns used but feel free to change it!) (+18/MDNI)

FYI: I'm not a writer nor good at this! Just thirsty:)

I had a filthy thought of being railed by Price in the common area outside the bathrooms and Gaz accidentally walks in 👀 (gifs below inspired me).

////

You were being bratty/needy as fuck even though you knew it was a hectic day, especially for him. At first you felt a little hurt that he brushed you off the first time when you started kissing his neck while he was signing some paperwork for the next mission. "Not now, doll. Can't you see I'm busy?" He murmured the last words almost as a whisper so you know that it's the work that's annoying him and not you.

"Come on, Captain, can't you take a little break for your girl?" You purred in his ear, hands slowly trailing down his chest over the tight military shirt he knows drives you crazy when he wears it (he was about to throw it away because it was too tight on him until he saw you practically drooling and being the lil shit he is, he started wearing it more often)

"Don't you have anything more productive to do, private, than bother your Captain?" Oh now it's on. His tone was serious as if he was scolding a child, making you stand up straight, rolling your eyes at his typical way of treating you when you're 'overstepping'.

"You weren't complaining this morning about my productivity, Captain." You reply to his dismissive comment, full of sarcasm, crossing your arms over your chest as you make your way in front of his desk. "In fact, you were quite content with my mouth on your c-" a knock on the door makes you take 3 steps back, a playful smirk on your face as you watch Price take a deep breath trying to process both your boldness and someone almost walking in on you, talking about your forbidden affair with him.

"Uh, is this a bad time?" Kyle awkwardly says, holding the door open not daring to walk inside, obviously uncomfortable from the staring contest you and Price share, neither backing down.

"No, Sergeant, private Y/L/N was just leaving." Price mumbles with a raised eyebrow, only turning his gaze towards the door for a second then back at you, indicating that you have to leave before he actually gets mad.

On your way out, you briefly touch Kyle's arm, give him a small smile before exiting Price's office. You know John is a confident man. In his skills, his work, the way he carries himself with authority in every room he steps in. The only thing that makes him feel uneasy is when younger men try to steal your attention. Not because he doesn't trust you, he knows that the second he asks for you to get on your knees, you comply better than any soldier he ever had to command to follow an order and he always praises you for it.

"Look at my eager girl, so desperate to please her Captain huh?"

"Eyes up when you take me in, I want to stare into those pretty eyes, soldier."

"You can't be disrespectful with your mouth full, now can you?"

The insecurity that you could fall for a younger, charming man always creeps in his mind yet he pushes the thought away, cursing himself at the possibility he might have stronger feelings for you than just the physical pleasure you two share almost every night.

10:30pm. You've been staring at the clock on the wall an hour now, waiting for the right time to come. You know Price always goes into the showers at this exact time, every single night before he goes to sleep as the showers are always empty. Exhausted soldiers and staff always in bed by then, leaving the luxury of a quiet, warm shower to himself.

You step into the common area timidly, checking if anyone's around but as expected, you find it empty and cold like it always is this late at night. No sound but the water running inside the nearest shower and the fast beating of your anxious heart as you slowly strip naked. It scares you how bad you want him, how he's your first thought in the morning and the last before you fall asleep. How you, a strong, independent and confident woman can feel so fragile, so desperate to please his every desire, how the second he asks you to go to his room, you waste no time, trailing behind him like a lost puppy. It's pathetic really, but for him? You'd do far worse.

With nothing but a towel wrapped around your naked body, you slowly push the curtain of the shower back, taking in the full sight in front of you. Yeah, you'd do anything for him and he knows it. He doesn't even flinch or turn around, he knows it's you. It's always you. You can see the smirk playing on his lips before he speaks with that husky, deep voice that makes your knees go weak, every fucking time.

"I don't fuck you one day and you come running to me, hm?" Price turns around slowly, eyeing you up and down before his fingers touch the top of the towel, softly caressing your skin. "Desperation looks so fucking good on you sweetheart" He leans closer to whisper in your ear before his fingers make the towel drop on the wet floor, the cold air sending a shiver down your spine as he pushes you gently out of the shower, to the nearest wall.

"I left my girl all needy and now I have to make up for it, don't I?" He whispers on your neck as his lips leave wet, sloppy kisses on your burning skin. Before you can lean back onto the wall to enjoy his attention, he places his hand on your back and with a swift move, pushes you in the common area. The look of surprise on your face as you turn to look at him must be the best entertainment he has had the last couple of days.

"What if someone walks in? Can't we go back into the shower?" You grab the nearest towel but before you can wrap it around yourself, he backs you up against the cold table in the middle of the room, both his hands placed on each side of you so you can't move.

"You wanted to sneak up on me and couldn't wait until I finished my shower." You open your mouth to answer with a pathetic excuse you know damn well wouldn't work on him but his hands cut you off before you even try, lifting you up from your thighs onto the cold steeled table. "You know it is the only time I get to have some peace and quiet but you being the greedy little slut that you are, couldn't wait a few more minutes huh?" He raises his voice, tone changed into the one he always uses when you're being a brat and fuck, you wouldn't want it any other way. The smirk forming on your lips and the intentional roll of your eyes must have pressed a button as he pushes your shoulders down so now you're laying on the table, feeling his hands trail down from your waist to your thighs, pushing them open.

"Now you're gonna get fucked like you want so bad, out in the open. If you behaved nicely, you'd be laying down on a soft bed but you decided to be a brat tonight" His grip tightens around your thighs, certain to leave bruises, as he lowers himself so his head is inches away from your soaked entrance, his eyes piercing yours, not breaking eye contact like his life depends on it.

"And you're gonna get treated like one." With one quick move he puts both of your legs on his shoulders, dragging you across the table, the cold metal and unexpected action letting a loud moan leave your mouth before you cover it with your palm in an attempt to stay quiet, unsuccessfully so.

"What the-" Oh fuck. You freeze in your tracks as a second voice comes from behind the lockers, making you jump up immediately. Your terrified gaze slowly meets Kyle's equally frightened eyes as his mouth hangs open to the sight in front of him, frozen in place with only a towel wrapped around his waist. You knew it was risky, just because the showers were always empty around that time, didn't mean that an exception was out of the question. It just happened to be tonight.

"I'm just gonna- fuck, I- bye" Gaz mumbles quickly, the confusion of this unfortunate, awkward encounter visibly written on his face but before he can walk out, so you can die comfortably in shame, the next sentence makes your blood run cold.

"Not so fast, Sergeant." Price commands, his expression unbothered if not unsurprising, like he wanted this to happen. He wanted someone to walk in.

"You're gonna sit on that chair and you're gonna watch how brats like her deserve to be treated."

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rose-the-witch1 · 11 months

Note

PLEASE EXPAND ON THE MC SUMMONING LUCIFER ! PLEASE IT SOUNDS SO COOL

Also sorry if this comes off a s rude or demanding, feel free to ignore this!

[It's okay! I can see you're excited!!]

Lucifer blinked the last bit of magic away, calmly dusting himself off. He was a bit irked for being summoned right in the middle of dinner, but he could punish his summoner later when the price was right. He turned around with a soft smirk, prepared to ask what he could do, when he suddenly stopped.

There you were, eyes widened, jaw slightly agape as memories of the Avatar of Pride and his brothers came flooding back to you. It was overwhelming to say the least, but you didn't care. You quickly ran towards the demon and threw yourself into his arms, causing him to grunt upon impact. You thought he would be mad, but he was just as shocked as you were.

"MC? What in the Devildom are you doing here in this... rundown home? Where have you been?" Lucifer began to question, but quickly stopped when you looked up at him with sad, wet eyes. His gaze softened as he slowly rubbed your back.

It took a moment before you replied. "I don't know. I just woke up here one day, and now I've been forced into a prefect position."

Lucifer's jaw tensed as he listened. You opened up about pretty much everything. The overblots, the unbearable conditions of Ramshackle, how no matter how many cold showers you took you always felt disgusting. The demon's brows furrowed as you mentioned your headmage, Dire Crowley, at the root of it all. The way you described him, the demon couldn't help but be simultaneously in awe and disgusted by Crowley's prideful behavior. He could admire one who took after him, but to put you in a perpetual state of depression over your lack of magic, it plagued his heart with outrage.

Once you were finished bringing Lucifer up to date, you hid your face in his chest, voice cracking as tears formed.

"I just want to go home... I want to see you guys again..."

The demon of pride mulled it over for a moment, still stroking your back, before getting an idea. He smirked once again.

"Perhaps if it's you who summons my brothers and use your pacts to keep them in check, we could have a word with this Dire Crowley fellow and try to at least bring you back to the Devildom."

"You can do that?" You asked. Lucifer chuckled, which eased your mood a bit.

"Of course. And besides, I don't think you would want to miss our talk, I believe seeing him fumble at the sight of a demon or seven would prove satisfactory to you based on how you're feeling."

You grew nervous at the idea at first. You didn't want anyone to be hurt in the process, but then, why should you care? You've been forced to be Crowley's underpaid intern for so long, if anything the headmage had this coming.

Stuffing away your feelings of concern, you nodded and stepped away. Lucifer followed and stood by your side, gently holding your hand as a means to comfort and brace you for the next brother.

After making sure the circle had not been damaged, you cleared your throat.

"With this power, I summon the very face of Greed himself... Mammon...!"

#twisted wonderland #twst #obey me #obey me shall we date #twst x obey me #crossover #twisted wonderland x obey me #feel free to add on if you want!!

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literaryavenger · 5 months

Text

Broken - part 3

Summary: You find Bucky having a panic attack and do your best to help him.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Minimal use of Y/N. Panic attack. Innocent and broken Bucky. I'd also like to say I never actually had a panic attack but did my best to write the whole process with the research I did. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 2.1K

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: I'll say it till the end of time: English isn't my first language and this is my first fanfic. I'm thinking of starting to write fanfics because I have so many different ideas and scenarios and I have NO idea where this one is going, so maybe let me know if you'd like to read more from me? Idk. If you find mistakes please feel free to point them out so I can correct them. I'd also love some feedback and constructive criticism Enjoy!

Masterlist

As soon as you left the medbay, you immediately went to the floor where the guest rooms are, determined to check up on Bucky.

You find them all empty, so you decide to check around the tower in all the communal spaces: Living room, kitchen, training rooms, ecc.

Nothing.

At this point you're starting to wonder if he left the tower altogether. "Jarvis?" you decide to ask the AI.

"Yes, Miss Y/LN?" he answer.

"Do you happen to know where Bucky is?"

"He's locked himself in his room." Jarvis promptly answers, leaving you a little confused.

"But I checked the guest rooms, they were all empty."

"Mr Barnes has been assigned a permanent room, like every other Avenger."

"Oh." you say, a little surprised but happy about it "Could you tell me where it is?"

"It's on the 48th floor, room next to yours and in front of Mr. Wilson’s."

"Thank you, J." you say, making your way to the elevator.

"You're welcome, Miss." he says.

It made sense he would get assigned that room. It's one of the last ones left free as the team keeps growing, and it also happens to be the floor where Steve lives along with you and Sam.

You get to your floor and are thankful to see that it's empty, not wanting to confront anybody else today.

You make your way through the corridor and stop at the first bedroom on the left, Bucky's new room.

You gently knock on the door but don't get any type of answer, so you knock a little louder.

Again, nothing.

"Bucky, it's Y/N." you can't hear anything. "

I just wanted to make sure you were okay? Jarvis, are you sure he's in there?" you ask after not hearing a sound.

"Positive, miss Y/LN." you consider what to do for a few seconds.

He obviously doesn't want anyone's company. Or maybe he just doesn't want yours.

After all, you have known him less than a day, and he did left the medbay after you made eye contact and you saw him crying.

You hope he doesn't think you agree with what Tony said, even though you didn't even try to defend him after you learned about his past. But you were just shocked, whatever you expected, it definitely was not that.

Before you could decide to knock again or just leave him alone, you hear a very muffled sob coming from the other side of the door. As much as you do want to respect his privacy, you're getting a little worried.

You try opening the door but it's locked. "Jarvis, override lock on Bucky's room."

"Lock override successful." he says just as you hear the lock click.

You carefully open the door and look towards the bed, but see that it's empty.

You come in and close the door behind you, standing with your back against it and trying to adjust to the newfound darkness in the room without the light from the corridor.

You look around the room trying to locate Bucky when you hear another quiet sob coming from the furthest corner of the room.

You slowly make your way towards it and, as soon as you're close enough, you see Bucky curled up with his arms hugging his legs against his chest and his head buried in his legs.

"Bucky...?" you try to get his attention before getting any closer so as to not scare him, but you’re not sure if he can even hear you.

He's still visibly shaking like before and sobbing very quietly but uncontrollably. you get closer and kneel down right in front of him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

His head shoots up in surprise and the look on his face is that of pure fear as he moved back as close as he can against the wall and as far away from you as possible.

you feel bad for scaring him, and pull away a bit further from him, but still close enough so he can see who you are after the initial shock.

You can tell he recognizes you when his face and his shoulders drop some of the tension, although he makes no attempts to get closer to you.

You decide to try and get a little closer after a few moments, so you slowly get back to kneeling right in front of him while he watches your every move but doesn't try to get further away.

His eyes are wide open and his breathing is getting quicker by the second, tears still streaming down his face.

Then you realize he's having a panic attack.

You consider your options for a second. You've never had a panic attack yourself, but you know Tony gets them and, although you've happened to be there for a few of them over the years, you were never the one to calm him down. Getting him wasn't an option either, everything considered.

You could try to get Steve, he might know what to do if this has happened to Bucky before, but seeing Bucky's breathing get quicker and quicker you guess there's not enough time to get him here.

Then suddenly you remembered something helpful, thank fuck.

"Bucky, look at me." you order him quietly so as to not make him panic even more.

He meets your eyes, meaning you have his attention, but shows no signs of calming down.

"Tell me five things you can see." You simply tell him.

He's confused for a moment, but seeing the determined look on your face you guess he decides that he indeed heard correctly what you asked of him and starts looking around.

"I can see..." He starts but seems to have trouble finishing his sentence.

"It's okay, just try to take a deep breath and concentrate on the things around you." You tell him in the softest voice you can while trying not to panic yourself.

"I-I can see a lamp," he starts, looking around. "the door... a bed, a chair, and... a desk?" he finishes, a little unsure of what he's even doing.

"Good. Now, tell me four things you can touch." you tell him, still surprisingly calm.

"I can touch the carpet" he says, slowly touching the fluffy carpet under him. "The dresser, the wall..." he says, touching the dresser at his right and the wall at his left that he was basically hiding between.

"And... Um..." he looks like he has a little trouble coming up with a fourth thing, until he reaches for you, puts his right hand on your shoulder and says "And you."

You chuckle, which seems to calm him just the slightest bit and you keep going. "Alright, tell me three things you can hear."

He stays quiet for a few seconds, listening for sounds you imagine, and then says "I can hear the AC, the rain and the elevator being used."

He then looks at you waiting for the next thing, but you take a second to realize what he said and you're impressed.

You hadn't even realized it's raining and the elevator was all the way across the floor. The hearing on this man. With a small 'damn' that you’re now sure he can hear, you keep going.

"Tell me two things you can smell." you tell him.

You can see his nose scrunch a little, which you find adorable, and he says "I can smell jasmine." looking at the flower vase on his bedside table filled with jasmines, your favorite flowers that Tony tends to leave here and there just for your enjoyment.

"And… strawberries?" he says, a little confused with his answer.

You're confused too until you realize what he's probably smelling. "Oh, it's probably just my shampoo" you say with a chuckle.

He gives you a nod with a smile smile and you say "Now, last thing, tell me one thing you can taste."

He thinks about your words for a second, a look of concentration on his face, then he looks back at you and says, very quietly. "I can taste my tears."

you give him a sad smile and say "That's heartbreaking... But on the bright side, you're not panicking anymore."

He gives you a sad smile of his own, but seems to suddenly realize everything that just happened.

His face drops and he bows his head, refusing to look you in the eye, clearly very embarrassed that you saw him in the middle of a panic attack.

"Are you okay?" you ask him softly, tears still running down his face and his body still trembling a little but visibly more calm.

"I should be the one asking you that..." he answers, his voice a little hoarse from all the crying.

You can't help the smile that makes its way on your face at his concern.

"I'm fine, thanks to you. Are you okay, though?" you ask again.

"You shouldn't be here..." he says quietly.

He's still avoiding your question, so instead you ask "Why not?"

"I could hurt you..." he says in a small, sad voice that breaks your heart.

"Would you hurt me?" you ask.

He frowns and almost immediately says "of course not" still very quietly.

You give him a reassuring smile and say "Then I'm not worried." he finally looks up at you and gives you a small smile.

After a few minutes of silence, you feel the need to ask him. "Was that the first time that happened to you?"

He shakes his head and, when you don't say anything else and just look at him expectantly, he elaborates.

"I've had a few in the last three months, since... You know..." He says with a quiet voice and avoided your gaze. "It was the first time someone helped me though... Steve tried to, but they wouldn't let him..." he finishes.

You know by 'they' he means the guards at the Raft, so you don't ask any more questions about it, knowing he probably wants to forget about that place in the first place.

So instead you get up, look down at him and, extending your arm for him to take, you ask. "Why don't you get some sleep? You look exhausted."

He just nods, slowly taking your hand and getting up with absolutely no help from you. Being a big and strong dude of course he doesn't need it.

You walk to his bed and he sits down, you turn and are about to walk to the door when he stops you, his hand still in yours.

You turn back towards him and see him looking down, which makes you think that maybe you imagined him pulling on your hand?

But then you hear him, barely because of how low his voice is, asking "Can you stay?"

You aren't sure you heard right, so you ask him "You want me to stay with you?"

But he seemed to take that as you thinking he was crazy for even suggesting something like that because he very quickly drops your hand and says "You don't have to, you probably have enough of me after the panic attack, it's alright you can go." and just lays down on the bed, turning his back on you.

You stand there for a moment, thinking of what to do before you decide that not only is it clear that Bucky was desperately reaching out, not wanting to be alone, but you don't want to be alone either.

And, right now, it feels like Bucky is your only friend left in the tower. The only one you aren't pissed at, at least.

You move closer to his bed and quietly say "Bucky... I can stay, if you want me to."

He turns around to face you, a little shocked so you give him a smile to let him know you're serious.

He scoots over to make space for you and, after taking off your shoes and without either one of you saying another word, you lay down on your back.

After several minutes of silence you hear him quietly say "Thank you." which makes you turn on your side so you're facing him, only to find him already facing you.

"Anytime." you whisper back with a smile, which he returns.

You stay like that for a little while, just looking at each other, and eventually you fall asleep, his beautiful, freakishly blue eyes being the last thing you see.

Bucky watches you sleep for a bit until he also falls into a quiet sleep, with you very unaware of the fact that this is the first time in years, if not decades, that Bucky actually gets a full night of peaceful sleep.

Part 4

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan #marvel fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x f!reader #avengers x reader #avengers x platonic reader #avengers x platonic!reader

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accioprocrastination · 9 months

Text

Another Bad Date

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw x Reader

A/N: I haven't proof read this so it's probably terrible but here's a fluffy meet cute.

Summary: Reader meets Rooster

The date starts worse than you were imagining... Tyler has already: ordered food for you, got you an alcohol free drink after you said you wanted a gin and tonic, commented on your figure and checked someone out across the room. You've not even been here 30 minutes and you need a reason to leave.

Excusing yourself to the ladies room, you take your bag to go text your best friend for help.

Scrolling quickly to find her name on WhatsApp you type your message:

I need an excuse to leave a date early

Phoenix is across town in the hard deck when her phone pings with the text message. Hangman comes up behind her to give her a beer but reads the text over her shoulder.

"Family member was in an accident; Friend is having a crisis; my ex just text me; I'm sick; I'm needed at work" he reels off his answers, placing the beer in her free hand. Phoenix gives him a look of disapproval in response.

"Don't read my texts Bagman!" She orders him.

"What does your friend look like, If she's hot I'll go be the crazy ex." Hangman winks at Phoenix.

"Absolutely not! It's Y/N, she's not your type and I'm not saving her from a shit date by pushing her in your direction." She states rolling her eyes as he smirks.

Nat this is urgent help me. You text again to chase up her answer, needing a response as soon as possible lest Tyler thinks you've got some form of gastrointestinal problem.

Sighing at her slow typing you exit the bathroom and collide straight into a tall brunette guy, dropping your phone in the process. "Shit, sorry." You instantly start apologising as he stabilises you, placing his hands on both of your shoulders.

"Are you good?" He asks moving his hands down your arms slightly, leaving goosebumps in their wake as you nod. "Yeah, are you?" You respond as he reaches down to grab your phone. He laughs slightly at your concern and says, "I'm bigger than I look, I think I can take it."

"You know Phoenix?" He queries, unable to stop himself looking at the screen as he hands your phone back over to you, enlarged on the contact photo of her from how you were holding it before you dropped it. "Yeah, I met Nat when she was in flight school. Guessing you're an aviator too?" You respond glancing him up and down to assess the outfit - not really something her associates would be caught dead in but he's toned and has got expensive sunglasses attached to his Hawaiian shirt so it's not completely out of the realm of possibilities.

He nods with a smile blossoming on his face. "Yes I am. I haven't seen you around before; I wouldn't forget that face." He remarks making you blush slightly.

"What do you do?" He asks unsure of whether you're in the Navy or know Phoenix through something else.

"I'm definitely not a pilot, as you can see I have zero hand eye coordination. I work for the government." You say with a giggle, not really telling him anything about your job.

"Ooh pretty and smart." He doesn't register himself thinking aloud until it is too late.

"What brings you to fighter town, this is literally the middle of nowhere." he remarks. You smirk slightly because he's right.

"Work asked me to come here for a bit... I live in Washington so not really used to having so little to do here." You comment.

"Do you want to get out of here and grab a drink?" He asks. You look between him and the table where your date is sat.

"Sorry if that's too forward, I haven't asked anyone out in ages... For all I know you're here with someone, there's no hard feelings if you say no." He waffles, nervous talking.

Your phone pings with a text presumably Nat responding to you.

"You're cute, I think I could make that happen." You say to the beautiful stranger whose name you're still unsure of.

You glance down at your phone to see a list of excuses signed off by Hangman. You roll your eyes having met and disliked Jake from the offset but his list gets so obscure by the end that you have to laugh.

"Boyfriend?" He raises an eyebrow, suddenly concerned that you are laughing at your phone.

"No but I am here with someone... I was literally just texting Nat for excuses to get out of the tinder date from hell, but it looks like Hangman has taken her phone judging by the unhinged message he just sent me." you explain the situation.

"He wants me to tell this guy that I've got to go because my fish drowned." you state in utter disbelief at Jake's list of excuses. The brunette chuckles across from you, and gives you such an animated smile that you feel your heart flutter in your chest.

"Give me two minutes to go let him down then we can leave." You state looking up from your phone and into his honey brown eyes.

"Okay, I'll go tell my friends that I am abandoning them then we can figure out where to go?" He questions raising his eyebrows. You nod in agreement and temporarily part ways.

Tyler has a momentary meltdown at you saying this is not going to work out and decides to start shouting at you from across the table. Bradley is back by your side in under a minute backing you up.

Once he's spoke Tyler down he grabs your hand and pulls your out of the restaurant.

"Thank you." You say squeezing his hand.

"No need to thank me, that guy was an asshole." he says making me smile slightly.

"Maybe if I went with the fish excuse he wouldn't have been so pissy." You mutter making him giggle.

Your phone pings with another text, Hangman still clearly has Nat's phone and has sent you a photo of your best friend head down on a bar. You smile at the photo, knowing he's gentleman enough to take her home and make sure she's okay.

You turns the phone around so Mr Hawaiian shirt can see what you're giggling at. "Ooh that looks messy! Thank god we don't have an early start tomorrow" He says sarcastically.

You're so glad that you don't have to deal with their kind of early starts... Morning people are unhinged.

"Do you want to go to the hard deck and meet up with them or should we go get food?" you ask him.

"Definitely food!!" He responds excitedly jumping.

"Great that's the right answer! Where's good around here?" you look to him for an answer. He looks around thinking for a minute.

"Nowhere in our immediately vicinity stands out but there's a really good place like 30 minutes away, they make a mean Hamburger." He exclaims.

You nod, "That sounds perfect, lead the way!"

"Whose car are we going in?" He asks me.

"I walked here from my hotel, so yours." I answer. I'm not afraid he's going to kill me because he just saved by life from my incel of a date who seemingly hates women, and I can see his dogtags under his shirt, so I know he's telling the truth about knowing Phoenix. That instantly put me at ease because she is an amazing judge of character.

"Where were you from before Washington, you sound English?" Bradshaw remarks.

"Yeah, I grew up over there in a tiny town in the Midlands... I moved here after uni." you answer.

"What did you study?" He asks walking alongside you to wherever he's parked.

"Pol sci and international relations." You respond.

You two mindlessly talk about your lives and what got you into your careers as you continue to walk to his car.

After what feels like twenty minutes of walking you stop and turn towards him. "Are you really shite at parking or something?" you question with a smirk held on your face.

He starts laughing.

"I got a lift here, I'm parked at my place." He responds grinning ear to ear. "It's just around the corner." He adds as you give him a look of disbelief.

You're watching him intently as you round the corner, noticing the sudden purpose in his step as he walks towards not a car but the front door to his apartment.

"I feel like I was warned about stranger danger." You say meeting his eye as you cross the threshold. The corner of his mouth lifts slightly into a smirk.

"You also agreed a burger in a place thirty minutes away was a good idea, so welcome to the only place that's good around here." He says leading you into his kitchen.

"Ah... Very smooth." You say as he swings open a cupboard door and raises two bottles in what you presumed was going to be a silent question: wine or gin.

"I can offer you some uncomfortably warm wine or gin... but I'm not sure if I have tonic?" he says raising his eyebrows, tone of voice implying he's asking you if he has tonic water somewhere.

"Wow, I can see why this is your favourite place around here. I bet the reviews are glowing." You tease him. Bradley doesn't verbalise the butterflies that break out in his stomach in response to your wink.

He laughs about to feel guilty for bringing you back here to his limited drinks options when he opens a different cupboard and pulls out a single can of tonic.

"Ah there we go - one of us can enjoy our evening." He says making you giggle.

He raises both again at your lack of a definitive answer.

"I want the gin but I feel bad that you only have one tiny tonic water... If you want that I'm good to go on the warm wine front." You respond and he gives you an unreadable look that you don't recognise.

"What was that look?" You whisper feeling oddly nervous at how good looking this man is.

"What look?" He whispers back, the look no longer visible on his face. His eyes are squinting, laughter lines visible on his face as he stares back at you full of a giddy playful energy.

You watch in silent amazement as he pours your drink without breaking your eye contact. You know without tonight going any further, without even knowing his name - this is not a one time thing.

#tgm #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley rooster x reader #rooster x reader #rooster top gun #bradley bradshaw #top gun rooster

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safetycar-restart · 6 months

Text

KINKTOBER DAY 19: A/B/O [MAX VERSTAPPEN X READER]

NOTE: This is an NSFW fic with omega!max and alpha!reader. If you're under 18 or this is not something you're interested in, then scroll past. If you like what you see here, then check out the rest of my blog :))

This fic is part of a kinktober series where I discuss a different kinky concept with a different motorsports athlete every day. We also discuss the concepts in more detail through asks on my blog so if you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

(For a while now we've been discussing the idea of omega!max crashing and then going to heat when a marshal helps him out of the car, I thought that for today's kinktober we could finally give this concept it's own fic! If anyone wants to add their own thoughts or hear more about this, please send in some asks! I'll be tagging everything with 'marshal!reader')

You watch from your marshal post as a red bull goes wide and hits the barriers, the car spins twice and then settles, losing a wheel in the process. You wait until the yellow flag is out and then rush forward to collect the debris, as you have been trained.

You check on the driver, realising it's max when you see the number on the car. You try to confirm he's conscious, but when he spots you he motions for help getting out the car. There are other marshals already clearing the debris so you do as he asks.

The moment he's out the car, he's frantically trying to get his helmet off. He appears unharmed, but you can smell the fear off him from a mile away.

The moment his helmet is off, he takes a few deep breaths, looks at you, and then just drops his helmet and gloves and dives into your arms. You nearly both topple down, having not expected it, but luckily you manage to catch him.

He whines high in his throat, turning his neck to the side as he clings to you and that's when you smell it. The scent of slick finally making itself known.

You realise he's in heat.

You try to back away, knowing you're unmated alpha and that he must be reacting to you. But he whines and clings to you even tighter, refusing to let you go.

"Don't leave," he mumbles against you, "please don't leave."

The medical car arrives but max still refuses to let you go, trying to hide against your neck.

The doctor ends up telling you to come with him, knowing that trying to get an omega in heat away from an alpha they've chosen is a losing battle. You don't want to leave your post, but your instincts are completely honed into the omega who won't let you go.

You know you have to go with them.

Max is whining the whole car ride to the medical centre, hissing at the doctor when he opens the door when they arrive. You have to coax Max out of the car, promising him that you're coming with and that you won't leave him.

Not that you would ever want to leave him.

They end up injecting heat suppressants into his arm, which calms him down enough that you can convince him to let you go and escape out the medical centre.

It hurts so much, because all your instincts are screaming at you to go back and look after the omega who has chosen you. But logically you know that's not the case. Max must have gone into a shock heat when he crashed, and you were simply the first alpha he encountered. He doesn't even know your name, there's no way it's anything more than instincts and now that he's been giving suppressants, you're sure he's going to be mortified once he can think straight.

So you leave.

What you dont know though, is that the suppressants stop working after a few hours and he asks for the marshal who helped him. They offer him several toys and other alphas, even Daniel shows up to offer to help. Max turns everyone down, crying out for the marshal.

#kinktober tag #omega!max #mv #gn!reader #marshal!reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

Note

Am i the asshole for responding in distress and upset after my best friend of six years cut me off??

Now, i know this sounds really cut and dry to begin with, but i promise it’s way more than just the title. That’s why I’m reaching out in confusion here.

About three weeks ago, my best friend of six years asked if i was free in the evening. It’s important to note that at this time there had been no communicated issues between us, I legitimately thought everything was fine. I try to be a very communicative person, so i talk about issues when they come up, and encourage them to do the same.

they showed up on my doorstep at 10:30 at night and asked me to come outside. Assuming we were going to be driving around and hanging out, i grabbed my things and happily skipped out to their car where they were waiting for me, and proceeded to say,

“I don’t know how to put this in a better way than this. I don’t think we work. I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

To say i was completely shell shocked would have been an understatement. I didn’t even know we had issues. We had been inseparable for six years, and even planned to move in together. At first i briefly thought they were joking, but when i realized they weren’t i turned around and walked back inside. I knew it would have been best for me not to continue to conversation in person. They hate being screamed at, and i knew i wasn’t going to be capable of not raising my voice in that moment as they gave me no warning of this situation, and no time to process. So, i simply turned around and went back inside. They texted me a few minutes later saying that they hated it had to be this way, but they needed to grow as a person.

Naturally, i have no issue with needing to personally grow, but i felt i had no understanding of the situation, so i asked them why and why i might have done to bring this on. They said that they constantly feel ashamed around me, and that they couldn’t be themselves around me. I was confused, and quickly let them know that i have always encouraged them to be the person they want to be around me, and to not hide themselves. However, they said they couldn’t.

They said that they make me uncomfortable, and that they scare me. Naturally, as this wasn’t true, i asked them where they got this notion, seeing as i had never said such a thing to them. They said they could tell from my body language, which i found to be ridiculous. I told them it was unfair of them to assume how i feel about them without even asking me, and that if i was upset with them i would have told them. They said,

“You don’t have to say anything.” Your body language says enough.

They than proceeded to say that we were different people, coming from different backgrounds, and that made us incompatible. I asked them what they meant, and they told me

“You have more opportunities than I do, and always will, and you're comfortable with that, again, that is okay.

You can have a decent paying job in a church, spend money on coffee and dirt cheap earrings online, and repress yourself around people you're afraid of, and my experience in the world is entirely different.”

This message completely confused me, as 1.) i don’t believe the opportunities a person has should define them as a person, and i certainly never flaunted mine. I’m in college, yes, and i have a decent paying job… but never have i rubbed that in anyone’s face, in fact i try to do the exact opposite. I felt icky about the way they commented on how i spend my money… as it never effected them, and i didn’t like the light that they were painting me in.

Not to mention, they seemed to be calling attention to the fact that i wasn’t out yet with my family (I’m bisexual.) when they brought up me repressing myself. In the time I’m in right now, this is a non-negotiable for me, as my family is intensely homophobic and would have disowned me if i came out. My ex best friend has always been more radical than me in a lot of view points, and i hate the thought that they may have demonized my fear of my life falling apart around me.

Naturally, after reading this message, i accused them of calling me shallow. They said they weren’t accusing me of anything, but i believe there’s no denying the object accusations and rude phrasing of the message that they had sent.

The conversation went on for some time, with me desperately attempting to understand what was going on, before finally i grew angry.

I told them it was unfair, no matter what their reasoning was, that they handled it this way.

They said it was fine because it was a selfish decision they were making for their own betterment and mental health.

I understand this- but none the less, i feel the way they handled it was wrong.

I told them that they should have given me some warning or time to prepare for this serious conversation, but they claimed that there was no way they could have prepared me for it. I told them it was unfair of them to expect a calm reaction out of me when they literally ripped the rug out from under me and cornered me into a volatile response. They told others that my emotional reaction to all of this was me ‘attempting to manipulate them.’…. I genuinely can’t figure out if this is true or not. I believe manipulation implies i had something to gain… but i didn’t- i just- didn’t understand anything, and i was angry and hurt and i wanted them to know that how they had handled this was wrong.

They told others that my reaction was extremely emotionally immature… and i just- don’t understand anything anymore.

Following they interaction, i went to my two other closest friends. I needed my support system. I was scared and alone. I didn’t try to manipulate the situation into something it wasn’t. I didn’t want that. I wanted objective opinions. I offered the situation in its full, explaining it and showing all the screenshots, asking for opinions and advice.

One of these people happened to be my ex best friends partner…. But they were my best friend as well. We were a trio, always going to each other. This is where the situation gets messy. Maybe i shouldn’t have gone to him- but he was also my best friend… i was equally as close with him as i was my other best friend. I called him in tears, showing him all the screenshots and telling him i didn’t know what to do. I specifically told him he didn’t have to choose sides, and i didn’t want that… but i did express my fear that he would stop being my friend too. I didn’t want him to choose sides, i didn’t care if he remained with my ex best friend. I just didn’t want to lose him too.

He read through the messages, and was so horrified by my ex-best friends behavior that he felt as though he couldn’t trust them anymore. He said it was like seeing a different side of them. I didn’t say or do anything, he came to his own conclusions after looking at the situation, and he even told me he has his own issues with them separately from my situation. I still repeatedly have reminded him that he doesn’t have to make any rash decisions just to defend me, and he says he knows that… but it’s his personal stuff as well. He took a break from my ex-best friend.

As of recent, my ex-best friend has been telling others that i am manipulative, and that i am rallying people against them. They’ve aired out my personal information to others… people i go to school with. Though they didn’t give names, everyone they are talking to knows our friend group very intimately. These people know exactly who they are talking about.

They have told people I’m a narcissist because my parents are too… they’ve said “they feel bad for me” for responding the way i did, because I’m ‘traumatized’, so of course my reactions would be emotionally immature. They’ve accused me of jumping to conclusions… they haven’t given the whole story to these people. They’ve only shown one screenshot towards the end of our argument where i finally snapped and said ‘fuck you’. They showed nothing that lead up to it… only me in my worst moment and not what they said to cause it.

And they’ve accused me of rallying the people around them against them. This is in now way the case… but even if was doing it on accident… (which i don’t think I’m doing.)

It would only be two people… one of which is my close friend and their acquaintance…. It’s almost as if they don’t want me to ask for support to anyone about this… but i feel as though I’ve been made into a terrible villain, even after reaching out a few days later and apologizing for getting so emotional. I told them i never wanted them to feel like they couldn’t be themselves around me, but they never communicated that so how would i have known? Even still… i apologized, but told them it wasn’t fair how they sprung it on me and asked them to maybe try to understand my reaction. They excused that by saying that they only had half a week of preparation… which doesn’t seem fair seeing as i only got 10 seconds.

Too long didn’t read: my best friend showed up at my house at 10:30 at night and dropped me, accused me of things (maybe?? I’m not even sure anymore??) and then accused me of manipulatively rallying people against them when i reached out to my two closest friends for support- when they’ve been doing the exact same thing.

Am i the asshole?

Please be honest here- i don’t need pity. I need truth. I’m lost and confused and I’ve never been more angry and hurt than i am right now and i don’t understand what the fuck is going on-.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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