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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 22 days

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Bonded Pair (Pt.2) - OCxGhost Backstory.

|| [<- Part One] || [Part Three ->] ||

pairing: COD OC!Victoria "Whiskey" Callahan x Simon "Ghost" Riley words: 0.9K~ cw: canon Ghost backstory (torture, injuries), OC backstory (injury)

Soap got airlifted out in the middle of the night, after having walked a few miles in pitch darkness until the exfil location.

And although Ghost didn't hear it, he knows Laswell reamed out Whiskey for sending Soap packing.

Without Soap around, however, it meant they could get better sleeping shifts working.

As she woke up at 0200 on Day 5, she turned on her PTT. “I'm up…” She announced while rubbing her eyes.

Ghost had had nothing but time to think while she slept.

When she wasn't dealing with Soap, Whiskey seemed like a good soldier. Smart, observant, professional, her head was always cool, her words calm and collected.

She was a strange one. He got some type of feeling of deja vu as they worked. Like looking in a mirror.

He had even called out to Laswell and asked for a bit more info on her, when, normally, he never would for anyone else.

“Morning, Sleepin’ Beauty.” He greeted.

“It's not morning yet. And don't call me Sleeping Beauty, or else I'll call you Grim Reaper.” She replied. Her voice was a bit raspy now that she had just woken up.

“It's morning enough…” Ghost retorted. He moved his binoculars in the direction of her camp, noticing her moving about in the dark through the night vision settings.

“Any movement?”

“Neg. Been peaceful.”

“Okay… Well, let me know when you want to sleep.”

“Rog.” There was a pause. Then, Ghost spoke again. “You seem much more relaxed without Soap here.”

“I'm not a talker.”

“I've noticed.”

“You aren't either.”

“No, I'm not.”

“Then, this will make this mission easier. We can just stay quiet for the next two and a half weeks.”

“That we can.”

Day 5: 1800

Other than what they had to, to do their jobs, they stayed true to their word. They didn't speak again…

For a total of 12 hours.

But then there was some type of… itch in Simon. He wanted to talk. He wanted to hear her.

“So what are you eating?” Ghost found himself asking while his plastic fork stirred his MRE.

“It's a… Mexican-style MRE. Has beans and cheddar cheese or something.” Whiskey replied. “It's the only one I actually don't mind eating. The others are disgusting.”

Through his binoculars, he could see her. And she could see him, if she peeked through hers He wondered if she was looking at him too or still focused on the job.

“You don't eat them for the taste-”

“I know you don't. I'm just saying.”

“Sounds better than mine, though.”

“What’s yours?”

“Some type of pasta thing.”

“Not bad.”

Day 5: 2000

“So, you and Johnny's girl…”

“Yep.”

“How long have you been friends?”

“Five years now.”

“Not bad.”

“That feels like a dig at my social skills.”

“It was. But I'm the same way. No offence.”

“None taken.”

“So, you didn't meet Johnny until now?”

“Nope. But heard plenty about him.”

“So what did he do?”

“Can't tell you.”

Day 6: 1300

“How long have you served?”

“9 years now. You?”

“15.”

“15? How fucking old are you?”

“31.”

“You joined at………. 16?”

“Affirm.”

“Interesting. Didn't know the UK let kids do that.”

“With parental permission.”

“I figured as much.”

“How old are you?”

“28, 29 this year.”

Day 8: 0200

“How was your sleep?”

“Decent.”

“As in… bad?”

“Yup.”

“Good to know.”

“Any changes?”

“None so far.”

“I don't like how quiet it is.”

“Neither do I.”

Day 11: 1200

“How'd you meet Laswell?”

“Being the only female Navy SEAL brings a lot of attention to me. You?”

“My Captain.”

“Right. Price?”

“You met him?”

“Worked with him last year.”

“What’d you think of him?”

“Eh… He was efficient. All in all have worked with less capable officers.”

“Don't trust him?”

“Don't distrust him. But that means nothing to me.”

“Same here.”

“He's your Captain, though.”

“And? People you know can hurt you the most.”

Day 14: 1630

“Where are you from?”

“North of England.”

“More specific?”

“Manchester. You?”

“Tennessee.”

“Explains the accent.”

Day 15: 0930

“Why the Navy?”

“It was either that or the Marines… and didn't get accepted into the Marines.”

“Why not?”

“My father was one. Pulled strings.”

“Trying to protect you?”

“Probably. Either way, I've been swimming since I was a girl. Navy made sense too.”

“I see.”

“Why the Army?”

“It was either that or construction.”

“Ah… not a lot of prospects.”

Day 17: 0045

“Why the mask?”

“Same as you. Bad job, bad people. Don't want to bare it out.”

“Yeah, but a skull? A real one at that?”

“You know it's real?”

“Of course I do.”

“Memory of a past life.”

“I see. Well, it looks terrifying.”

“Thank you. ‘s what I was going for.”

Day 19: 0350

“What's the worse scar I've got? I don't know. Have ‘em all over.”

“Gotta have a particularly nasty one, c'mon.”

“On my ribs, then. Big ugly fucker.”

“That's what I'm talking about. I’ve got a bad scar across the face. But my legs are worse.”

“Your legs?”

“Took a napalm bath.”

“Fuckin’ hell. And I thought mine were bad.”

“Yours?”

“Hung from a meat hook by the ribs.”

“Ouch. Are your organs okay?”

“They are now. Are your legs okay?”

“They are now.”

It was on Day 23, that stuff picked up the pace. The target was suddenly on the move and Ghost's voice rang out through the PTT to wake Whiskey up.

They contacted Watcher, packed up their nests and took off on foot to the helo to trail the HVT and intercept him.

Then, they split ways. Ghost reconvened with TF141 for the next part of the mission, and Whiskey took off to Algeria for her next assignment.

They parted ways with a look, the first of many to come, and a light fist bump.

#about ikea 💚#cod oc #cod fanfic #oc: victoria “whiskey” callahan #ghost x whiskey #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x oc #ghost x oc #oc backstory

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consistentlyamess · 5 months

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We'll see about that - Chapter 1⎮Open with me, oh, we could be honest

[4.4K-ish]

pairing(s): steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: You just wanted a fresh start but you might get more than you bargained for when the sleepy town of Hawkins lives up to its reputation.

warnings: takes place after season 4, 18+ , MDNI, slight age gap (reader is like 2 yrs older than Steve), canon typical violence, mentions of a lonely childhood, mentions of difficult relationship with parents, underage drinking, swearing, eventual smut, abusive relationship, brief stancy storyline, strangers to friend to lovers, pining, slowburn

A/N: I HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT WHAT I'M DOING AND I'M TERRIFIED. but I did get about 10 more likes than I expected, and I've been thinking about this story for so long, that so far it's kind of flowing out of me. so here's chapter 1!!! I probably won't be able to keep this pace up, just a heads up. *hides under a rock immediately after posting* just please bear with me while I figure out what I'm doing here, I guess. idk if it's a warning or not but english is not my first language and it's not beta-d. so. it is what it is . 'tough girl' is a very conscius nod to mizz @loveshotzz who had me on. the. floor. with AIRWIY

💜💜💜 TY for reading!!!! 💜💜💜

Fic Masterlist

Previous Chapter I Next Chapter Coming Soon

---

You woke up with a pounding headache. Sometimes they still came. Mostly like this, in the morning, out of nowhere and it takes about two or three aspirins for them to go away.

This is the first hiccup. The last time you had a headache like this, it was about finals time back in Bloomington. You just wanted to get out, you wanted it to be over, barely slept, barely ate, so the headaches were no surprise really. Then after graduation, when you were leaving one cursed town for another, you thought you left the headaches behind as well. Which very obviously was not the case. But they passed pretty easily compared to the previous ones.

The week passed in a blur mostly. You hung out at Family Video quite a lot and when you weren’t there it was mostly just getting used to the town. The first couple of days you find a diner where you can have coffee in the morning. The second morning you run into Steve.

‘Hey, stranger, how are you doing?’ He says with a boyish smile.

‘Just getting my morning coffee, trying to show this lovely town that I’m just like them, you know, coffee, pancakes, the works.’

‘Good thinking, you would be truly terrifying otherwise.’

‘You think?’

‘Oh, absolutely! 5”6 woman with a killer smile and - and I quote - decent cooking skills? Dangerous.’ He’s flirting with you but you pretend to be oblivious.

‘Well, wait ‘till you see my reward sticker collection. The lack of teachers shows, stacked up some pretty great stars and flowers and whatnot. Those kids won’t know what hit ‘em.’

Fine, maybe not that oblivious.

‘Wow, bringing out the big guns early, huh? How does one earn those stickers? Would some A-grade guacamole do the job at a dinner party?’

‘We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.’

‘Guess so.’ You reach the coffee shop and he’s opening the door for you with a sly smile. Oh, boy.

As you get to the counter, you see that a tiny brunette is already balancing some coffees and pastries there.

‘... and I’ll also take like four of the cheese sandwiches.’ ‘Coming right up! Hey, give those pastries back, I’ll get you a bigger bag.’

‘Thanks, Al.’

You don’t miss the way Steve stiffens a little beside you.

‘Having a party Wheeler?’ He says.

‘Oh, god, you scared me.’ The tiny woman said, clutching at her chest. Her big eyes and tiny pointy nose made her look very cute.

‘You know exactly that’s for those assholes in the office.’ She says with a frown.

‘I know, you looked very cute though.’ She smiles shyly at that, looking down at her feet. Oh, boy, indeed.

‘Hi, we haven’t met before-’ you reach out trying to cut the tension.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, I was so occupied with those goddamn sandwiches.’ She shakes her head and takes your hand immediately. ‘I’m Nancy, Nancy Wheeler. You must be the new girl. Robin told me all about you. Went on a tirade actually. You’re starting in Hawkins Elementary, right?’

‘News travel a little unsettlingly fast here.’ You let out a nervous laugh. ‘But yes, that would be me.’

She glances up at Steve, who suddenly finds something very interesting on the menu above the counter. He runs a hand up his neck and squints at the menu. Subtle, Steven, really. Seamless.

‘So, she told you about the dinner on Saturday as well?’

‘A little more actually, she invited me.’ She frowned again and it made you laugh again.

‘Good! That’s exactly what I was about to do.’

‘Great! She told me she was gonna bring a pie but I’m betting my left arm she’s gonna burn it, so we’ll bring a back-up.’

‘We?’

‘Jesus, what a fun bunch we are. My boyfriend, Jonathan, is coming too. But only if it’s okay with you! He's staying for a while, finally. A little socialization we’ll do good for him.’

OH. BOY. So many alarm bells go off in your brain you can’t even count them.

‘Next!’ Al shouts out.

‘Sorry, one sec.’ You excuse yourself and you count your lucky stars that it immediately snapped you out of it. You’re not sure you could’ve contained your face.

‘Hi, Al! Can I get a black coffee to go please?’

‘If you ask this nicely, you can have anything, sweetheart. Comin’ right up! Anything else for you? The muffins are fresh.’

‘Oh, I wouldn’t miss that! Please, throw one in!’ You smile sweetly and he smiles back. On another day, in another café you might have suggested something very different this guy could do with his fresh muffin but you needed this town to like you. If anything happens or if you run out of gas in the middle of the road, you need to have friends. People looking out for each other. Looking out for you. That’s what these small towns are all about, right?

‘Jesus, keep it in your pants Al.’ Steve mutters to himself and both you and Nancy raise an eyebrow.

‘Okay, I totally forgot, I have an appointment with the…’ Shit. You’re blanking. ‘... the, uh, the school counselor!’ You say a little more loudly, you’re so proud of yourself. ‘So, I’m off.’ You slap a two dollar bill on the counter and start moving toward your exit.

‘Who? Miss Kelly? Isn’t she on vacation, still?’ Nancy asks. ‘I haven’t seen her in like a week.’

‘Well, I have an appointment with someone, maybe it’s not the school counselor. I didn’t, uhm, write it down. But I’ll see you guys on Saturday, right?’ You wave your goodbye and your lungs feel less tight right away as you get out of the diner, leaving a little dumbfounded Nancy and Steve behind you. Whatever you walked in the middle of, you want no part of it. No matter how boyish his smile or homely brown his eyes are.

***

Staying away proves to be way more difficult than you thought though. Robin is way too nice to say no to, and more importantly, you really like her. It also doesn't take long until you meet the other members of the party. You met Jonathan one time at the library you visited. He was with Nancy, looking for something they didn’t elaborate on. A very endearing stoner Argyle, a gloomy kid, who visited his not-a-girlfriend friend in the hospital every week, Lucas, his quippy and lovebly snappy sister Erica, a kid with the smartest mouth on him you’ve ever seen, Dustin, Will, who’s very soft spoken is really fast to become one of you favorites, not just because he’s really into art, Nancy’s broody brother Mike and of course the shy and sweet El. Or Jane. You’re not sure and nobody else seems to be either. But, hey, who were you to complain about weird nicknames? But all of that came with a lot of Steve on the side and keeping the flirting to the minimum was a real challenge. Especially ‘cause you liked it. He knew what he was doing and he was good at it. But it was impossible to miss how he softened when he saw Nancy, how something akin to hope flickered in his eyes.

It was also impossible to miss that they were hiding something. At one time Mike referred to the mall fire with air quotes and Robin immediately kicked him in the shin. Whenever Will touched his neck, everyone became tense. El kept looking around and spacing out sometimes, until Mike brought her back with a gentle tug on her hand. You’re not stupid, you pick up on these things. But you don’t ask too many questions. They’ll tell you if they want to. Or not. That’s also fine with you. Everyone has secrets and it’s not a surprise that a town like this may harbor more than one.

The second hiccup does come at the dinner though. You were nervous all day. And of course cooking and cleaning all day. You made lasagne and your favourite salad with grenadine seeds and walnuts, and some chocolate chip cookies, just to be safe. You bought wine and soda, a bunch of scented candles, you cautiously put up fairy lights, the first thing that made the place look more cozy, more yours. Your chest tightened at the thought a little. This is okay, this is your place. This is what people do when they have a place. You were just renting, of course, but the owners made it pretty clear that they’re not planning on coming back anytime soon, so they gave you the all clear on any makeover your heart desired. You didn’t know what your heart desired. Not yet anyway. You were so focused on just getting a place, any place, you would’ve taken a room in an attic without lighting. You’re a little startled by the doorbell as you get lost in your thoughts while tossing the salad.

‘Shit’ you mutter to yourself. You haven’t changed, your hair is a mess, you’re a little sweaty from all the work you’ve done and of course the table is not set yet. Great going, Peach. One hell of a first impression. Well, it wasn’t a first impression, not really, but still. The doorbell goes off again.

‘Coming!’ As you tear the door open it presents a bickering Robin and Steve.

‘... I took my eyes off of it for one second, Steve-’

‘Yeah, well the recipe clearly stated that you have to watch it very closely! Constantly!’

‘Oh, my go- Peach!’ Robin rasps as she notices you standing there. She basically throws herself in your arms. ‘I burned the pie.’ She says in a sad voice that reminds you so much of a kid who was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. ‘I failed you, I’m so sorry!’ ‘Oh, honey, it’s okay! I made some chocolate chip cookies, Nancy is bringing some pie as well, we’re all good sweets, don’t you worry!’ You tell her, hugging her tightly and laying a kiss on the top of her head for good measure. ‘And next time just call me, my pies are the talk of every Thanksgiving. I can give you some tips and tricks.’

‘You’re an angel.’ Robin sighs. Above her shoulder you lock eyes with Steve for a minute. He watches the two of you with the most doughy eyes and smile you’ve seen on him so far. He waves a little and huffs out a quiet ‘hi’. You take one of your hands from the girls back and wave back to him. He keeps watching and you can’t take it. You pull Robin away, grabbing her shoulders.

‘Alright, early birds get the worm’ you clap your hands ‘which means, you guys get to help me with the finishing touches, while I go take a shower and change, because I may smell like an onion but I have so much flour and butter on me that if you put me in the oven for 20 minutes on 350º I might come back as a pie as well.’

You make them laugh with that and the little laugh that comes out of Steve makes you want to run away into the woods and scream, it's so sweet. For the love of GOD, girl, get it the fuck together. This time Robin’s prodding finger in your ribs is what snaps you out of your state.

‘You're the boss! We’re at your service, m’lady!’ she bows theatrically. ‘Band kid?’

‘Trumpet’ Steve says with a shit eating grin. Robin seems a little uncomfortable at that.

‘Figures. Band kids are always the best.’ You wink at Robin. ‘Stamina and nimble fingers. Exactly what you need in the kitchen.’ Wow, you’re staggeringly bad at this not flirting thing.

‘Well, damn. If you were recruiting I’d never even look at a swimming pool or a basketball.’ Steve counters with the beginnings of that same shit eating grin.

‘Jock?’ You ask, turning to Robin.

‘But a reformed one at that. Did some penance for his sins.’

‘By driving 12 year olds around town?’ ‘And by bringing wine and some beer to your dinner party, smartass.’ As he says it, he starts moving around you, already having rid himself of his coat and shoes. He leans close and almost whispers the last word in your ear. It makes the muscles in your neck flex. ‘So, where do you need us?’ Robin’s eyes ping-pong between the two of you so you turn around. ‘Right. Plates are in the cabinet above the sink, cutlery in that drawer, glasses are already on the counter and you have some napkins on the table already. I’ll turn myself into a human again and be right back! Don’t break anything, please, I barely have enough stuff as it is.’

Your turn to make your way to the bathroom but you still catch the sound of Robin’s swat that probably lands on Steve’s arm. They hiss something at each other, but you try not to eavesdrop more. Not my circus, not my monkeys, not my circus, not my monkeys, not my circus, not my monkeys.

By the time you make your way back, Nancy, Jonathan and Argyle are all there. The letter with suspiciously narrow eyes and mellow smile. You make a mental note to ask him about that sometime. As you make your way to the table, still drying your hair with a towel, Nancy gasps.

‘Oh, my god, I love your dress!’

‘Thank you!’ You answer as you reflexively look down at yourself, before hugging her. ‘It was my mom’s in the sixties. Real flower child shit, I love it.’ The dress is almost floor length, it has a warm, orange-ish shade thanks to the thousands of tiny flowers, but it also has a dark, almost black undertone. It hugs your hips and has small buttons running up all the way on the front, top three still hanging loose, revealing some of the lace underneath.

‘Hell yeah, brochacha, I dig your style.’ You giggle at Argyle’s antiques as you hug the two boys shortly as a greeting.

‘Hey, do you have a corkscrew somewhere in here?’ Steve calls from the kitchen without turning around. ‘Uhm, that’s a good question actually. Let me check!’ You make your way to the kitchen, and plop the towel on the counter temporarily. ‘I- oh’ Steve says the moment he turns around and sees you. You’re suddenly very aware of those top three buttons. You should’ve buttoned them. ‘Wow, you, uh, you look really nice.’ He says, running a hand up and down his neck once. So, it is a nervous tick. You hope to any higher power if they're there, that you don’t blush. ‘Thanks.’ The smile you can’t hide. You know it’s there, he knows it’s there. Well, fuck. ‘So, have you checked the bottom drawer? I think that’s usually the bastard drawer.’ ‘Bastard drawer?’ He asks with furrowed brows but still not taking his eyes off of the tiny flowers. ‘My mom used to call it that. It’s the drawer you just kind of throw shit in, shit you don’t know where else to put. It's kind of rude, now that I think about it.’ You grimace to yourself as you zero in on it.

He watches you as you move toward said drawer. He likes the way the dress sways with each step you take. It’s a slow, almost magical movement of fabric in his eyes. A mix between a witch and some sort of fairy. He likes that you’re still barefoot, you look at home, even though you’ve only been here for a little more than a week. He likes the way you tuck your wet hair behind your ear as you crouch down. He likes your wet hair too, if he’s being honest with himself.

‘Uh-huh! The bastard drawer never disappoints.’ ‘Way to go flower child!’ Argyle chimes from somewhere in the living room. Steve shakes his head at that. But you can tell, he’s hiding a smile. ‘Thanks dude!’ You shout back as Steve moves towards you. You think he’s going to help you up, but then Robin storms in. ‘Hey, Peach- oh, come on, I’ll help you up.’ Something flashes in Steve’s eyes as he leans back on the counter. ‘Do you need help with anything else?’ ‘You can help me bring in the drinks if you’re up for it. The lasagne need another 10 minutes but we can have some drinks until then.’ ‘Really? Me too?’ You snort. ‘I’m not your mom, babes, of course you can.’

The evening goes well after that. You get to chatting, you talk about uni, very briefly but you mention that you had a failed relationship as well, you gush about your favourite teacher and ask them about the children of Hawkins. They tell you about the town, about how they met, how they became closer when tragedy after tragedy struck. Robin mentions clumsily that Nancy and Steve used to be a thing, which in turn makes the whole table uncomfortable. Except for Argyle, who, god bless his heart, chimes in with a ‘This lasagne is schmashing dude’. Which eases the conversation again. ‘It is really good, Peach.’ Steve emphasizes, tongue darting out to lick the corner of his lips. ‘When did you learn all of this?’

‘Well, growing up it was just my mom and me. We didn’t have a perfect relationship but she loved cooking. That was really the only thing we did together. Then she had to work more, so I had to do it on my own more and then when I was uni, it was comforting to do things we used to do together.’ You shrug a little almost as a sign that you don’t know what else to say. You do that a lot, Steve notes to himself. As well as the fact that your cheeks and chest get a little pink after two glasses of wine. Just some notes. You don’t know if it’s the wine or the fact that you haven't felt this calm, since what feels like a lifetime, but this sudden openness catches you off guard. But Robin jumps to the rescue again.

‘Oh, my god, that is so sweet!’ She squeals and she grabs your hand. ‘By the way, I never asked you about how that kind of date went?’

Now she is the one with the deer caught in the headlight eyes.

‘Duuuuude, you had a date? That’s awesome! How did it go?’ Argyle joins your inquiry. ‘Oh, it was… well, we- uhm’ she gets caught off by the ring of the phone which she seems very grateful for. You? Less so. ‘Who is- sorry, I’ll go get it.’ As you get closer to the phone, on the other side of the wall, your stomach starts to knot. No one is supposed to know this number. Maybe the school. Please, god, let it be the school. As you reach for the phone, you know it’s not the school. You’re so sure it makes you nauseous. Panic crawls up your throat, your hands are shaking but you know you can’t not answer. Normal people are not afraid to answer phone calls.

‘Hello?’ You call but nobody answers. You swallow with a big gulp. ‘Hello?’ You try again, this time squeezing your eyes shut and balling your hand into a fist. And that’s when you hear it. Breathing on the other side. You panic and slap the phone back on the wall.

‘Is everything okay?’ Steve asks and you hear the slide of a chair on the floor, and you start moving further into the kitchen. ‘I- Y-eah’ you call with a crack in your voice. You take a deep breath, trying to stady yourself. ‘Just ah, a wrong number. I’ll go heat up the pie!’ You try to think about the cold metal of the Colt on your night stand. It’s okay, you’re safe here, you can protect yourself, you made sure.

You’re already leaning against the stove when he finally catches up to you.

‘Do you need help?’ ‘No, no, I got it’ you call back over your shoulder, without turning around. You crouch down in front of the oven and open it. The heat comes rushing out but it’s still not enough to warn you. You grab onto the sheet with reckless abandon and promptly burn yourself.

‘Ouw- Fuck-’ ‘Shit, are you okay?!’ Steve comes rushing towards you as you hear the muffled sound of the others fussing in the living room. ‘Shit, come on, come here.’ Now he helps you up, one hand holding your wrist, the other settling on the small of your back as he guides you to the sink. ‘We have to put some cold water on it, so it doesn’t blister.’

You can only nod. The panic of the phone call is still at the back of your throat but now the burn of your palm feels a lot more urgent, so you will your body and your mind to work together and prioritize here. As the cold water hits the burn, you hiss and Steve apologizes.

‘No, please, it’s what you’re supposed to do.’ ‘So much for the pie tips and tricks, tough girl.’ He smiles at you a little mockingly. ‘I never said anything about kitchen accidents. You got nothing on me Mugsy.’ ‘Alright-’ Before he can really get going, Robin clears her throat loudly in the kitchen door, standing with crossed arms. ‘You guys okay in here?’ ‘Yeah!’ You say, pulling your hand away from Steve as gently as you can. ‘Yeah, just burned my hand. Nothing life threatening. But I will need someone else to put the pie in the oven for me after all.’ ‘I got-’ ‘I can do it.’ ‘Really, Robin? So, I’ll have to take care of two burns?’ Steve says, turning around with his hands on his hips. ‘Oh, calm your tits mom, I can put a pie in the oven on my own you-’ ‘Both of you can shut up, I’ll put it in.’ Nancy says as she pops in and comes directly towards you and looks at your hand with a concerned look. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Guys, it’s just a sheet that was a little too hot. I’ll live.’ Nancy nods but you know that she can see that you’re still shaking. She moves to the oven and Steve takes the opening to make his way back towards you. ‘Do you have some ice? You should put some ice on it for the night.’ ‘Hey, Steven!’ Robin calls out a little too loudly and a little too sharply. And you make a mental note to send her a gift basket because now that the panic and the pain are subsiding, you really don’t want to feel his breath on your cheeks and his fingers moving your wrist so carefully, like you’re made of glass. ‘Would you be a darling and help me open a bottle of wine.’ ‘You’re a big girl, you can open a bottle of wine on your own.’ He quips back. ‘Oh, now I can do things on my own?’ ‘It’s a bottle of wine not a piping hot oven, Buckley, there is a difference.’ They continue arguing but you can’t make it out anymore under the sound of running water and Nancy and your laughter. ‘They are literal children.’ ‘It’s cute, really. I always wanted siblings.’ You confide in her. How can you not? Her blue eyes have this shade to them. A shade that sees right through you. A shade that tells you there’s no use in lying. Or hiding for that matter. ‘Are you sure, you’re okay?’ She asks, quiet, sincere. ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine. Had much worse.’ You smile at her and she doesn’t push. You’re thankful.

You almost can’t believe it but the rest of the dinner goes by without any more accidents. You guys come close when Robin wants to cut into the pie but Steve takes the knife out of her hand. Everyone wanted to help clean up but you swatted them away, insisting that you were the host and it was fine. You pack a box of leftovers for Argyle and he’s out the door. Nancy and Jonathan are the next, thanking you and even Jonathan shooting you a smile that tells you, he really did enjoy himself. By the time you close the door behind Steve and Robin, you almost forgot about the phone call. Almost. Not even a minute passes when there’s a knock at your door again. You huff out a laugh. ‘I told you, dude, that’s all the cookies I have, there’s- oh, Steve.’ You’re stopped in your tracks. ‘I- did you leave something here?’ ‘Yeah, I,uh, can you check if my wallet is on the counter, for me?’ ‘Sure, come in, I’ll be just a sec.’ You check but there’s no wallet. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t find it! Are you sure it’s not in the car, or-’ When you arrive back he’s leaning over the small dresser next to the door.

‘Oh, shoot! You know what?’ He says, feigning a realization. ‘It was in my back pocket. So forgetful sometimes. Night, tough girl!’ You’re a little confused but that doesn’t keep you from quipping back. ‘That nickname’s gonna stick, isn’t it?’ ‘Depends. Maybe I’ll think of something better.’ He says with a wink and turns on his heels.

After locking the door you glance down to the dresser. There’s a note on the block of Post-its you have there.

I’m very used to spending nights on my own in an empty house. If something spooky happens again or you need some ‘tips and tricks’ just give me a call.

There’s nobody there to see but you still feel like you have to hide your smile by trying to bite into your lower lip as you study his number.

Fucking hell. You really should’ve finished those goddamn buttons.

#steve harrington fic #stranger things #steve harrington #stranger things fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington slowburn #robin buckley #robin stranger things #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #nancy wheeler #nancy stranger things #jonathan byers #jonathan stranger things #argyle stranger things #we'll see about that #WSAT #WSAT fic

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ros3ybabe · 10 days

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Daily Check-in: April 17, 2024 🎀

today was a decent day up until the end, when I got upset and emotional over some things and ended up crying again. I swear, I've cried the last 6 out of 7 nights, and I'm so tired of it. here's to hoping things finally get better soon because this emotional stuff is seriously affecting my productivity, motivation, and discipline.

🩷 What I Accomplished:

studied chapter 6 of Latin American Spanish on Busuu

listened to 3 podcast episodes in Spanish

completed and submitted my lab report and pre lab quiz, also did my pre lab notebook prep

went to my last chem lab for the semester

went to chem lecture

had a meeting with the Dietetic director to map out some classes for the upcoming semesters

washed dishes

attempted a phone call with my boyfriend for the first time in a week (relationship issues + long distance × love ÷ dating for 2 years = an emotional rollercoaster, and lots of frustration)

washed laundry, did not put away yet

scheduled a therapy session for tomorrow morning

completed a 7 minute pilates abs workout from Madeliene Abeid

completed the 11 minute wake up yoga from Yoga with Adriene

started to do the 5 min daily stretch from Pamela Reif but my dad called me so I didn't finish it

downloaded a pdf of a Spanish textbook

rescheduled my italki lesson because I need to study for chem

scheduled 2 study rooms to study for chem with my chem lab partner

completed the pre class assignment for chemistry

walked ~8k steps

🩷 Good Things That Happened:

saw my dad this morning, who then took me to the campus library a bit early (I love getting to see my dad, I don't get to see him too often since he lives on the opposite side of town)

passed my lab report and pre class assignment

finished my chem lab super fast

had pizza rolls for dinner (I needed something quick and simple cause I've been tired)

got more practice with the chemistry lecture content

woke up esrly enough to do my morning routine

did a complete night routine, including skincare (-didn't read tho, couldn't decide on a book )

more good things happened, I just honestly can't remember them right now. but today was not a bad day.

💗 Stuff For Thursday:

psyc doc appointment

therapy appointment

supplemental chemistry class hours

make sure I'm caught up on homework

apply to/write essays for some scholarship applications

check hours worked if possible to determine next week's paycheck

study Spanish!!! dedicate a good chunk of time to it

do my morning and night routine as best as possible

Thursday is definitely going to be an interesting day, thats for sure. I don't feel as tho I'll have as much to do, but I'm going to find things to do, like studying my Spanish, etc.

til next time lovelies 🩷

ps. check out my depop shop <3

💕 Song of The Day -

Le Sserafim - Antifragile

this has been a long time fave of mine

#Spotify

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rowritesstuff · 2 years

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Disaster - Conan Gray (Kaz Brekker x GN! Reader)

A/N: I done did a thing. If you didn't get the memo from the title, this fic is based on the song Disaster by Conan Gray. I've seen a lot of Kaz Brekker fics on here based on Conan Gray songs, so I am in no way the first person to do this, but I just put a playlist on shuffle and this song came up, so I decided to write a fic from it. Also, I'm pretty sure this is gender neutral, but if it's not, please let me know.

Ro's Masterpost

WORD COUNT: 1.7k words

WARNINGS: Drinking and drunkeness, slight mentions of self-harm and suicide (just barely).

Image found on Twitter.

In your defense, Jesper had gotten you drunk, so risks seemed easier to take that night.

You made the mistake of allowing Jesper to buy drinks for the two of you. You weren't celebrating anything. It had just been a while since you and Jesper had had a conversation that lasted for hours.

After you finally decided to leave the Crow Club at some unsaintly hour, you should have gone to bed. Instead, you couldn't stop thinking of Kaz.

Kaz Brekker. Dirtyhands. The Bastard of the Barrel. What could you possibly have to think about him? Maybe it was his hair, the way the dark strands fell across his forehead sometimes. Or, it could be his sharp jawline or the way he carried himself as if he owned the rooms and buildings he walked in, which sometimes he did.

You have to admit, when you heard the tales of Dirtyhands when you first arrived in Ketterdam, you never imagined he'd be so easy on the eyes until you met him. But he was. Oh, Saints, he was.

You didn't go straight to bed after bidding Jesper a good night, so what did you do? As any drunk person would, you wrote a note to your crush, which, in your case, was Kaz. You could barely even remember what the note said by the time you slid it under his bedroom door.

Then you went to bed.

You woke up the next morning feeling very hungover and regretting the amount you drank the night before. Despite feeling like death, you got up, got dressed, and went on with your day.

You didn't have much you had to do that day, so you took the time to neaten your room up a bit. After finishing that task, you decided to do some shopping around the city, since you had recently earned a decent amount of money from a job.

You returned to the Crow Club late that night. When you walked in, Kaz asked for you to meet up with him in his room. Once you put your things in your room, you followed his orders and went into his.

You had forgotten about the note you gave Kaz until you saw it folded up on his desk. You tensed up a bit, thinking that the note was the reason Kaz wanted to see you, but he didn't even mention it.

All that happened was you and Kaz had a conversation. He spoke about new tips on jobs and some shared memories of old ones while you spoke about the things you had done that day and how you had been recently. Kaz never even brought up the note.

Throughout the conversation, you somewhat hoped he would bring it up, maybe so you would remember what you wrote on it. Or maybe so you could know if he read it or what he thought of it.

At least, no matter what stupid things you wrote on it, you could blame your drunkenness from the night before.

As you were tossing and turning in your bed after Kaz let you leave, you were picking the conversation apart in your head, trying to dissect Kaz's words and find the true meaning of why he wanted to see you.

You figured that it didn't matter for two reasons. One, Kaz Brekker is not a man that is easy to figure out. Two, it was just a one-time thing.

Except, it wasn't.

It became an every night thing.

Every night, Kaz would ask you to come into his room and the two of you would just talk. About everything. About nothing. It went on for weeks before Inej mentioned it to you.

"Are you and Kaz together?" Inej asked you as you entered your bedroom after breakfast. You had no idea she was there, so she scared you.

Your hand flew to your chest. "I swear to the Saints, Inej, if you keep doing that, one day I'm going to accidentally shoot you."

"Answer the question. Are you and Kaz together?"

"No, we're not." You answered after getting your bearings. "What makes you think we are?"

"You go to his room for hours every night. There is clearly something between you and him."

You sat on your bed. "But there isn't anything between us. We're just talking."

"About what?" You shrugged. Inej smiled. "Y/N, do you like him?"

"What?"

"Kaz. Do you like Kaz?"

You played with your hands with your head facing your lap. "Maybe..."

Inej laughed. "Do you think he likes you too?"

You sighed. "I don't know, Inej. Every night when I go to bed, I'm dissecting our conversations, looking for signs that I don't even know are there or not. Sometimes I think he looks at me in a way he doesn't look at anyone else, and then he looks away, and his eyes are the same as they always are. Cold and emotionless."

Inej sat down next to you. "He talks to you for hours every night. Clearly, he wants to see you and be in your presence because he asks you to go to his room every night."

You dropped your upper body onto your mattress. "What if I'm just reading it wrong? What if I make a move and it turns out that he never saw me in that way?" Inej shrugged and she lied down next to you. "I think I'd be better off dying if that happened."

Inej laughed, which made you laugh. Soon, the two of you were mercilessly giggling to the point your stomachs hurt.

Your laughter was interrupted by Jesper barging in and practically pulling Inej up. "Inej, please help me. There's a really cute boy in the Club and I need you to be my wing woman."

Inej looked back at you. "I'll leave you with your thoughts and dissection of conversations. Good luck."

You smiled as she left the room, being dragged by Jesper.

Later that night, you had a couple of drinks by yourself at the Crow Club. Kaz hadn't asked you to come to his room yet, and you weren't sure he would. You didn't know if you were content with not speaking with him that night or if it bothered you.

Kaz was a confusing creature. He managed to have hours-long conversations with you without telling you anything about himself. You still barely knew anything about his past or anything about him.

The only thing you had learned about him, is that he was comfortable taking his gloves off around you. He always wore the gloves, no matter what, but around you, he didn't wear them.

You didn't know why Kaz wore the gloves, and you certainly weren't going to press him about it, but you guessed that they had to be some sort of a shield for him. Or maybe even armor.

However, the gloves were only a piece of his armor. He still wore the rest of it, never showing his full self. You imagined that if you were in love with someone, you would want to take off your armor around them and show your full, true, real self to them. So, maybe he didn't love you. Maybe you were reading those rare glances wrong.

You set your empty glass down at the bar, paid what you had to, and went all the way upstairs, standing in front of Kaz's door. You knew that this could be a disaster, but you slowly lifted your fist to the wooden door, and you knocked.

You heard some small thing drop onto wood, most likely Kaz's desk, and then you heard a chair scraping on the floor and Kaz's cane hitting the floor as he made his way to the door.

You wanted to throw yourself down the stairs when you saw his face in the doorway. You looked down at his ungloved hand resting on his crow-head cane.

"Y/N?" Kaz asked after a moment of awkward silence.

You shook your head. "I'm drunk. I shouldn't have come here."

Kaz sighed. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just drunk. And I have the urge to jump out of a window. Or off a roof."

Kaz moved to the side of the doorway. "Come insi-"

"I love you." Kaz stared at you, his face unreadable. You entered his room and you sat in the chair you always sat in when you came here. You held your head in your hands. "Kaz Brekker, I love you."

Kaz closed the door. The sound seemed so loud in the silent room. "You're lying."

Your head snapped up, your eyes meeting his. He looked almost angry. "What?"

"You're lying to me. That note you gave me is full of lies. You're a liar." He looked away from you, unable to bear your eye contact.

You stormed up to his desk and you snatched the parchment that your note from many nights before was written on and you read it.

Dear Kaz, If you couldn't tell, I am very drunk right now, so, I had the brilliant idea to tell you about my feelings for you. You're really pretty. Like, really pretty. Is pretty the right word? Oh. The word I'm looking for is handsome. You're really handsome. I like you. Sober me would never tell you that, but I'm not sober right now, am I? That's it. Please burn this when you're done reading it. Even better, don't read this at all. Love, Y/N P.S., you're really pretty.

You cringed as you set the paper back on the desk. "I see you didn't burn the note." You glanced back at Kaz. He still refused to look at you. "I don't know why you're calling me a liar when clearly I tell the truth most when I'm drunk."

"Stop lying to me and giving me hope." Kaz took a shaky breath. "You're right. You shouldn't have come here. Now, please go." You stared at Kaz, frozen in your place. He glanced at you for only a second before he turned around. "Go!"

You left the room and slammed his door behind you. You stormed down the stairs.

Maybe you were mistaken. Maybe you just made it up and now messed it up.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #rowritesstuff

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beesinspades · 2 months

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I'm 3 months and 2 weeks on T now and I'm sooooo happy with it :D the first two months and then some were SLOW, so much so if it wasn't for one thing and the (temporary) side effects of the hormonal mess, I would've thought it wasn't working lol

but over the past month I've started really seeing changes!!

my voice started dropping, I can hear a difference with my voice pre-t!

I'm already growing facial hair on my neck and chin. at this rate I'll hopefully be one of the lucky ones with something decent before the end of my first year on T hehe

my belly is getting hairier

I think my face shape has started to change but that's harder to tell

so yeah I'm really happy because so far I'm getting nice changes and I haven't been plagued with being hungry, hot and horny. no mood changes either or anything. I don't feel any different from before T besides feeling more confident in my appearance. and I still have some palpitations when I lie down to go to bed in the evening and still in bed in the morning but I saw a cardiologist with echography and EKG and I'm good so it's likely the hormones. it was much worse before my third shot when we increased the dose.

also I don't know if it's related but before T I would get really nauseous (at the base of the neck rather than the stomach, idk how to explain it) at least once every three weeks or so, most of the time when I woke up in the morning and then it went away once I got up and went about my day. a week or so after I started T it got worse as in it started happening more frequently, at night too, and sometimes lasted throughout the day. then towards the end of the sixth week, before my third shot, it got so bad for like five days I thought I was gonna die hahaha but same as the palpitations improving, we did the third shot at full dose instead of half and the nausea disappeared. I haven't had a single instance of it since. so?¿?¿??? (both these things were already there before but probably made worse by a medication I started taking a little after going on T though. I stopped taking it as well)

I'm a liiittle anxious because "oh my god what if I'm doing a mistake" but I'm really looking forward to the next few months!!!

anyways, I did two shots by myself so far, the first one went perfectly well and the second one I felt like passing out but it was likely because I did it in the morning right out of my hot shower sjdkln I lied down for 20 minutes and then felt fine again.

also I got the results of my check-up blood test yesterday and my T levels have very nicely increased (I'm at like 55) and everything else is normal :3

but also WELP because besides my sister my family doesn't know. my mother hasn't called me in a month so odds that she'll notice something next time she calls me are not nonexistent and it's Not going to go well and I'm wholly unprepared for that conversation

next week I'm having lunch with my godmother whom I last saw on the day I started T, so that should be interesting too....she's always been supportive and nonjudgmental (to my face at least hahaha) but also given that she believes in the woke agenda I have no idea if HRT is going too far for her. wait and see :')

as for my dad, I'm frankly starting to wonder if he's just pretending not to have noticed anything. the voice I can get because he talks to me everyday so without a direct comparison it's not impossible that he hasn't noticed. but the facial hair??? I have way more than before and it's surprising he hasn't commented on it. anyway. either way the moment my mother knows he's probably gonna be made aware too.

anyway. excitement but also Fear

#beelio talks #also got a 24h EKG planned this month to be 100% sure but the cardiologist wasn't concerned at all #whoops this got long sorry

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dearmrsawyer · 2 months

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phew planet earth is exhausting ! i've had a friend visiting Australia and staying with me the past 3 weeks, we've had fun and its been really really good to see her and spent time with her, but i truly have nothing left in the tank 😵 being switched on for company for 21 days is really difficult, especially when i feel like i was already in a deep deficit with everything going on the last few months! i hope that i didn't show that i was running on empty and she feels like i was online and functioning lol. this visit has been a light at the end of the tunnel for her for a long time so i wanted to make it good for her. while she was here i had to leave her for a night to go see louis (finally me and silv got to go to a 1d show together!!! at long last!! we skipped the support acts and told each other our woes lol), mum had the heart procedure she's waited 2 months for (such a relief it finally happened, v stressful to have it happen while i was hosting a visitor), and nonna went back into hospital (vvvv stressful to have happen while i was hosting a visitor!!!!!!!!!!!! also the hospital was like 'she has covid' and we were like HOW and spent 3 days panicked that someone else in the house had it and gave it to her, turns out they were detecting the infection she got in November, cool cool cool i had energy to spare on that stress no biggie!!!) is there anything else that wanted to take place while i was trying to get through being a good host lol. i could only take 1 week off work while she was here so i did have to work for 2 of those weeks, but we still got to fit in a decent amount of outings. also i drove to the airport for the very first time yesterday to get her to her flight and drove through the worst rain i've ever seen in my life lol, it looked like i was inside a car wash, it is quite literally a miracle we did not die on the road. so glad sydney saved that for the day of her departure skdjsdfklgkjl when i woke up that morning i turned on the tv to ease into consciousness and the first thing i heard was '3000 lightning strikes in sydney overnight' like OKAY i get it i've been given the difficult level 😂 anyways, i survived, i hope everyone has been good, i look forward to catching up on your lives 💕

#get to spend $4000 tomorrow on stage 1 of a tooth implant yay!#i definitely didnt need that money for anything else #on the plus side bring on that anaesthesia i cant wait to get a confirmed rest for 2 hours LOL #tp

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nametakensff · 9 months

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🔕🤒😅

Thank you! ❤️ Sorry I've been all over the place and just had the chance to fill this 😭

🔕 Describe a holdback fail

Hmm....probably just when I used to work in an office and my allergies were bothering me! I'd already sneezed enough times for my liking one particular day. To hold back I was pressing under my nose and pushing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. I was hoping some kind of mental block would help me out but no 🙄 - I ended up having to stifle a fit of 7 sneezes and my coworker noticed and asked me super loudly if I was catching a cold 😖 very embarassing!!

🤒 You ever felt like you starred in your own sickfic?

Unfortunately, yes 😭 I had tonsillitis as a student in Japan a couple of times before it came back a third time. I went to bed thinking I was just catching a cold but then woke up with a fever in the middle of the night and the worst pain in my throat. One of those times where I just knew something was really wrong - I had the dorm lead escort me to the hospital.

I was sent back home with some weak painkillers and tried to sleep but everytime I swallowed the pain would wake me up. My friend came to check on me in the morning and when I got up and opened the door to her I started to faint and she had to grab me and half carry me back to my bed. I started freaking out because my hearing and sight went temporarily and she ran to get help.

Basically, I was then escorted to an ENT, where a camera was shoved down my nose and the doctor told me it was one of the most severe cases he'd ever seen and they put me on a drip for 3 hours because I was so dehydrated 🤡🤡🤡

The antibiotics worked pretty quickly and I was okay again after a week, but still! Not fun to experience, but deffo a decent sickfic scenario haha

😅 Name your most embarassing sneeze moment

If we're talking about me sneezing? Definitely the failed holdback story above! Otherwise it would just be me trying SO HARD to not blush or be visibly aroused in response to a good sneeze

For instance, when I was a teenager, my friend was round and we were watching films together. She was lying with her head in my lap and ended up having a drawn out fit of around 15 sneezes, with a minute between each sneeze. She reached up to cover her mouth but didn't move away at all and I had no idea what to do so I just went silent and hoped she wouldn't look up and see my bright red face 🥴 very awkward lol

#these r long....again #nttalks

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laceyeb · 2 months

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Let me tell you about my day...

It's barely 2PM, but it has been an adventure. It started when I woke up 12 HOURS AGO at 2AM. Because I have all week off work, I decided it was worth it to set my alarm for 2:45AM to tune into the Eras Tour in Sydney and watch the surprise songs because I just know they're going to be amazing this weekend. But I woke up early and then couldn't fall back asleep. I checked where she was at in the setlist and adjusted my alarm accordingly to get a bit more sleep, but I was wide awake. Surprise songs ended at 3:50, so what time do you think I finally fell back asleep? If you said 5:45AM, you would be right. I don't know why I thought I would be able to go right back to sleep as if I've never met me before. It was absolutely a mistake, but I will be doing it all weekend and I do not care.

So as a result of this, I stayed in bed longer than I planned this morning and skipped my walk. I had plans to go to the local zoo this morning, but I was going to put it off until tomorrow since I was so tired. (As if I won't be even more tired tomorrow.) I also thought about going for my walk anyways and getting to the zoo later. However, I decided I would go first thing for when they opened like I had planned. For some reason I decided that I needed to look nice for my trip to the zoo. I wore my cutest outfit and put on some makeup and spent way too long trying to get my hair looking decent. I thought, "Why am I looking so cute for the zoo? I'm not going to see anyone know. Like I'm going to run into my work crush by the flamingos?!"

Tangent: My school district has some sort of like day camp type program this week since we're out of school. It's intended for younger students and some people (primarily like classroom aides, playground monitors, etc.) work during this time for extra pay. I don't know anything about this program and forgot it even existed, but evidently it does. Do you see where this is going? End tangent.

So I get to the zoo this morning just a few minutes after they open, looking extra cute. I'm waiting in line for a couple minutes at the entrance and I look in toward the first exhibit and WHO DO I SEE?! I thought, "Certainly not. There is absolutely no chance. Clearly I'm sleep deprived." But then I saw another employee from my district and a small group of young kids and I realized it must be her!

I could not even believe it. What are the odds?! So I kind of watched their group and they're taking the same path I do, but moving slow because they have a guide with them. I give them enough time to get ahead of me and then continue on. I'm wandering around a bit and see that they're now up on this skywalk attraction. (Bridges up in the trees. Very cool and the whole reason for going to the zoo.) As I casually glance up there, I see someone else from work waving to me. And then I see another person from work at the skywalk entrance and I said hi to him and asked what they were all doing there and that's when I realized it was the day camp thing. So I follow the group up the skywalk from a considerable distance and as I get close, I see they're stopped because their guide is explaining things to the kids. I will have no choice but to catch up to them. And then I hear someone call my name. (Let me tell you. It made me feel some type of way to hear her call me by my first name since she obviously only uses my last name at work.) So I catch up to her and the group and I said something like, "Did you guys plan a party and forget to invite me?" And we both kind of laughed and then I continued on my way. That was the entire interaction, but it made the whole trip worth it. And now we have something to talk about when I see her at work and I will absolutely be mentioning that I go to the zoo all the time and see where things go from there.

#zoo is a generous term and I could make it through the whole thing in like 35 minutes #but the weather today is basically like summer and I couldn't just stay home #also went to the mall (also a generous description) and spent my paycheck on candles #then got mcdonalds for lunch and had a picnic by the water #all in all a fantastic day #if you read this whole thing thank you and im sorry 🙃

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 7 months

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I didn't sleep last night again. I woke up at around 1:30 and got back to sleep at 5:00. And a few weeks I am going to have my first GYN visit in about 7 years with my Primary Care foc. I'm going to have to break down and see if I can get something to sleep. I've never had problems sleeping in my life to the point that I've had to go to a doctor for it. Whatever minor problems I've had have always been through with Tylenol PM. Last night I took a Tylenol PM and 3 Benadryl and still did not go to sleep.

I didn't sleep night before last either period so unlike last week again I am entering into the new week without a decent night sleep period I don't know what could be causing this period things are actually better this year than they were last year. The kids aren't nearly as bad and the people that I'm working with are much better period because everyone seems to assume I'm some kind of idiot because I'm autistic I really don't have that much responsibility like I did last year period now all I have to do is just copy someone else's lesson plans and tweaks them a little to fit my needs.

Things are good at home. Things are good with my health and my eyes are doing great. I have absolutely no reason to be waking up in the middle of the night without being able to get back to sleep.

But here we are.

Oh and buy some great miracle of God hubby loved all of his birthday presents including the xbox. So thank God for that, that definitely made my life a lot easier!!

Work texted me at 5:00 p.m. today telling me for the first time that I need to bring stuff for nachos tomorrow for janitor's day. I went out yesterday and went shopping it could have told me long before this. 2 days without sleep and I am not venturing out of the house again. Thank God for Walmart delivery. It was a little pricey but it was better than trying to do something on my break or even worse trying to go through traffic tomorrow and the wee morning hours when I still can't see very well.

#insomnia #teaching #working with alltistics

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kny-stardust · 10 months

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Chapter 7 — Diaries

Word Count: 3215

Summary: You began to face your greatest challenge yet: to become someone capable of slaying demons. It's not an easy path, but you're willing to go through with it, despite your limitations as a person and as a fighter. Your only source of determination are your siblings, who you only wish the good, and while they don't wake up, you'll write your thoughts and feeling in diaries, letters to their future selves once they open your eyes.

Weeks had quickly gone by as you began your training. Everyday was a struggle, as Mr. Hantengu kept his word to turn your life a living hell. Every morning you woke up with your sore body to prepare everyone a breakfast to start the day, your siblings with their respective chore, Mr. Hantengu and you with the training. Every night, you came back wasted, but still cared for your siblings, making them warm food, bathing them, putting them to sleep, cleaning the mess in the house before going to sleep yourself. It wasn't easy, in anyway, but having helped your mother to look after your family and the house from a young age, even though you were tired sure helped you wonders in these situations. What didn't help was your worry for Nezuko and Tanjiro.

Both of them were in a deep slumber from the day Mr. Hantengu took you all in. He even called for a doctor to check on both of them, but there seemed to be nothing wrong with you. You couldn't help the tears flooding your eyes when he left. You felt once again powerless that something was happening to them. The feeling you had when you put them to "sleep" and they didn't react to your touches came to haunt you again like a cruel ghost. What if they didn't wake up? Would they ever wake up? Or would they die in their slumber while you were out? All these thoughts tormented you for days.

The only thing that consoled you was Mr. Hantengu's experience with demons. There are only two ways of a demon to die: by being exposed to light or by being beheaded with a special blade like his own. Demon would grow weak by not eating regularly, but it wouldn't kill them, or so he said. He also presented you with a idea: write a diary, as to keep tracking of the time and so your siblings would know what you did while they were asleep when they woke up. You thought it would be a good idea, so you started.

Today I ran down the mountain.

I've been doing this eversince we came to live with Mr. Hantengu. He said that living in a mountain and going up and down it while carrying coals on my back gave me decent physical strength and endurance, but it only made me a little better than normal people. It was nowhere near enough what I needed to have in other to be a slayer. So, going up and down the mountain was a must and would allow him to do multiple trainings at the same time.

The air was thinner the higher we climbed, and was very thin in the large boulder I saw those swords, so training going up and down would help me breathe better, as well as train my endurance in a situation where I needed more energy with little fuel (air) available. The traps were good for my senses and instincts. He said that I might not always see a demon approaching so a quick reaction and being able of sensing a demon nearby, even hidden, was good to keep me alive. There's also the fact that some demons have Blood Demon Arts, special abilities that make them much more deadlier. While he can't name every single one, as every Demon develops different powers, using traps that could come from anywhere, I would learn to evade one targeting me or the area I'm in.

My biggest worry, though, is that the traps are getting deadlier. I don't know if he's trying to actually train me or getting me killed in the training.

Today, Mr. Hantengu decided to help me train running down the mountain.

While it should prepare me more, I can't help the feeling that he's actually trying to kill me. His help is actually chasing me around and trying to hit me. He chases me around with a variety of wooden tools, and it hurts! My arms and legs are turning purple from how many times he's hit me! He complained that it didn't show as much when he and Aizetsu trained, but their skin is much darker than mine! Of course mine shows more! And I think he's enjoying this much more than he should!

His explanation for this type of training is that demons can also think, and they would try to hit me with any available mean possible. So it's not enough to just run, but to be aware of the multiple ways I can get attacked. My brain is going to melt at this point.

Ah, also, there's something cute I need to tell you. I got back from training today and saw our siblings sitting around you. You still haven't woken up, but they were talking to you as if you two were awake, talking about their day and their thoughts. Rokuta is learning to talk better. It's so cute!

With all this training, I haven't been able to be as present as I used to be. Shigeru came the other day to say they've been missing me around them. I told this to Mr. Hantengu and said that it is to be expected. As a slayer, I'll have to walk around Japan for weeks and months, so I probably won't be able to see them as much, if at all. We don't know how long it will take for me to heal Nezuko and Tanjiro either, so it may take a long time for me to come back to live with them. In the end, it may actually be better for them to get used to my absence, as they won't miss me as much. I feel bad, but there's nothing I can do about it.

————————————

Mr. Hantengu began to train me with a sword.

He had told me previously that each trainer has their own technique, and his was one he made for himself after he failed to fully learn his trainer's when he was young. He also told me that each form of this breathing technique was made in a separate part of his life with different feeling in mind, taking multiple traits from the other breathings and applying to his own. Thanks to that, he said his technique was the most versatile, but one of the hardest to learn. He's had less disciples than other trainers thanks to it, but his were much better than the others.

He also told me that his breathing technique also allowed to each user have their own preference in weapon. He told me that he noticed that his sword would break a lot with his trainer's technique and he would get scolded a lot by his swordsmith. So he began to develop his own breathing and when his sword wasn't ready, he would use other weapon, then his style turned out his way. He said that the most optimal weapon for him was a sword, but Aizetsu's was a yari, a spear. So we first had to find out my most suitable weapon.

There isn't much mystery here. It was a sword, but I'm stuck between a regular katana and a longer version of it called nodachi. Compared to the others weapons he head at his disposal, these two were the ones I "dealt better", in his own words. He meant that I could lift it somewhat well and wouldn't let it slip away from my grisp. He wasn't surprised, as I seemed to have some affinity to katana even though I never held one, but he didn't expect me to actually be comfortable with a nodachi. I told him that I had a feeling of just feeling right when I used his katana to kill that serpent oni from the village, but with a nodachi? That feeling was all to stronger. Even holding a regular katana felt wrong after it, ironically.

We spent the whole day with this trail and error to see what weapon suited me better, so I'll only train with a weapon tomorrow. He said that will start the basics with a regular katana, them move forward to nodachi.

I don't know why, but I'm feeling excited! I can't wait for tomorrow to come!

Hey, Nezuko, Tanjiro. Do you remember Mr. Aizetsu? I think Tanjiro might remember him better, given all the situation we went with him, but I'm not sure about you, Nezuko.

Either way, he's here in Mr. Hantengu's house, and he'll help me train!

He told me that he's been a bit injured in a mission so he had to rest to get better. He's been exchanging letters with Mr. Hantengu to get updates about us (he told me he was worried about us, isn't that cute). His wounds weren't so severe, so he asked permission to recover in his father's house, and he was granted.

And yes, Mr. Aizetsu is Mr. Hantengu's son. I had already known it, as Mrs. (F/N) had told me previously, but you weren't around, so it should be a surprise to you. Or maybe not, since they look too much similar. Like, they have the same skin tone and they when they are serious, they have the same expression. It's not just that! They also have some of the same habits, as in their way fo walking or doing a couple of things. I swear when I tell you that Mr. Aizetsu could easily pose as a younger version of Mr. Hantengu! However, there are some clear differences. Mr. Aizetsu's usual expression, personality and a couple of his traits are much more kinder and delicate than his father's. I think he got it from his mother, or it's just his own thing.

Either way, now he's here and he'll help me train. He's more used to longer weapons than Mr. Hantengu, so they both thought he would be a better teacher to help me in this matter. I can't wait to train with him. I'm excited!

I take back what I said. I don't want to train with him anymore.

Don't let Mr. Aizetsu soft voice deceive you! He's much more strict than Mr. Hantengu! Even when training with him running down the mountain, I didn't get hit as much as I did today! I don't know if it's Mr. Hantengu that was taking it easy on me, Mr. Aizetsu being younger and more physically prepared or both! My arms are turning purple again because of him!

Despite that, I felt much more comfortable training around him than I do with Mr. Hantengu. He's a lot more patient with me and takes his time explaining me everything, adjusting my stance and the way I wield my sword. He also explained a bit about Mr. Hantengu's breathing technique.

While he was active, he was a Hashira, which is just the highest level a slayer can get, and his breathing changes depending on his feeling. His first few forms were made when he in the beginning, then he was a bit more fearful, then his techniques were mostly counteractive than actively trying to slay the oni. Then, came his mostly enraged ones, with were much more powerful and active. Then, his most calmer ones, which were also much more counteractive, but held the same power than his enraged ones, being also much more swift. Next came his more sorrowful ones, which was when he was dealing with a huge loss, that he wanted to be done quickly with the missions, so he managed to make his attacks much more precise and deadly, as he somehow managed to extend his range of attacks much further than it should actually be possible. Finally, his more levelheaded ones, which were when he was the happiest in his life, so his attacks were much more active and he would evade attacks as easily as a leaf in the air.

I was amazed when I heard about this, as now I can understand fights better now (as I've been training) than I did before. No wonder he was considered one of the strongest in his prime, and even now. Mr. Aizetsu said that he couldn't fully learn his father's technique, but he was the best in his long ranged attacks, as he had very good spatial awareness. He also thought that this should be my case, having a longer weapon and being well aware of my movements. He promised that he would help me in the time he was were.

I miss Mr. Aizetsu. He has left a couple of weeks already, but I can't help but think of it now.

I still haven’t changed my mind about him. He’s a lot more strict and I’m still sore from all the extreme effort I had to do while training with him. But, I felt like he really was doing his best to teach me everything, to help me overcome my shortcomings and improve, to explain any doubts I had.

I don’t have this same feeling with Mr. Hantengu.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s been wonderful to us. Although he was really strict and distant in the beginning, he started to open up more to us, started talking more, smiling more. I used to see him drinking every now and then when no one was looking, but all the bottles had stopped completely at some point. I remember being worried about his drinking habits, so I asked him the reason of such a change, and he said something along the lines: “Well, since your siblings will be in my care for a while, I don’t want them to have a bad example for life.” I was sincerely happy to hear this! I remember a few older man in the village having their lives nearly destroyed because of their vice in alcohol. I was happy to not see him fall to the same path. He’s even gotten healthier and began to look younger. Now he truly looks like his age.

I don’t know when I got to have these feelings, but I’ve been having them for sometime now, and our siblings are having the same. Mr. Hantengu has become some sort of a parental figure to us. He’ll never replace father, of course, but he feels a lot like an uncle or a grandfather. I don’t remember grandpa well, since he died before father had us, but he gives me the same feelings that we had with grandma. He’s a good man, and caring, and looks like he’s doing his best. But, I don’t feel like he wants to train me.

I’ve had these feelings for quite a while. Actually, I’ve had them since the beginning, but only I could realize this now. Mr. Hantengu has been a lot harsh from the beginning, but he seemed to have soften up when time passed. He is patient and teaches me what I need to do and know, but he doesn’t take his time to explain my doubts. He usually tells me that I won’t have all the information I need when going to missions, so I’d have to figure it out on my own, and it was better to learn it sooner than latter.

I don’t think he is wrong about it. It must be his experience, but… I can’t help but think that there’s something more to it. Am I not doing enough? Am I not good enough? I’ve been trying my hardest, but I still can’t shake that feeling. Well, I guess that compared to his son, I mustn’t be nowhere good enough. I mean, you two should see Mr. Aizetsu using his breathing technique. It’s amazing, like the most carefully crafted masterpiece. I’m not good at that at all. I can’t do any of this techniques right, even the ones I’m the best with. He must think of me as a failure.

I’ll try harder. I really want to become a slayer to help you and Nezuko. But first, I need to get his acceptance.

It’s over. It’s really over. I don’t know what to do. I’m completely lost.

Today, Mr. Hantengu called me before I started climbing up the mountain, just like I’ve done this past year. He said he had something to tell me, but I could never expect him to tell me that.

“I have nothing more to teach you.” Mr. Hantengu said.

You stared at him in awe. You couldn’t believe it. First you thought you had heard it wrong, but he didn’t say anything else, so you probably wasn’t mistaken. You also thought that it was a silly joke he was telling you to see your reaction, like he’s done before, but he would quickly tell you so. Besides, he rarely had such a serious expression in his face when joking. It was no joke. He was serious.

“What do you mean, Mr. Hantengu?” You ask him, expecting to have some answers, but…

“Exactly what I said. I have nothing else to teach you. The rest is up to you.” He said, not saying anything else.

You can’t help but lower your head.

“Sir… I am… not good enough?” You ask him, and he’s surprisingly taken back by your words.

“What?” He asked, his voice hesitating.

“I know I’m not as good as Mr. Aizetsu.” You told him, feeling ashamed. “But I’m still trying, so...”

You heard him chuckling, then felt his hand rest on top of your head.

“This is not it.” He said, his voice the softest you ever heard. “You’re really good. One of the best students I ever had. But, there’s really nothing I can teach you anymore. It is up to you to take it to the next level. I can’t help you with that.”

“I… I don’t understand.” You tell him as his hands leaves your head.

“I’ll show you then. Follow me.” He said, repeating the same words he said all those months ago.

Like he instructed you to, you followed him, in silence. The sword you have been training all this time, Aizetsu’s sword, in your hand, as you’ve grown used to its weight and presence by your side. Quickly, you two made your way up to the mountain, something you could do in less than an hour after a year of running up and down the place. Finally, you reach the place where this all started. The large boulder with a couple of swords stuck to the ground.

“Do you see this?” Mr. Hantengu asked you.

“The boulder? What about it?” You asked him. You look at it, trying to see if there was something different to it, but it was the same as you’ve seen this whole year.

“This is your last test, (Y/N).” He said enigmatically, making you look at him as if he’s lost his mind. “If you want to go to the Final Selection, you must split this boulder with your sword in one attack.”

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny au #kny fanfic #kny roleswap au #reader insert #aizetsu #hantengu #kamado family

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