#i’m really down bad if you couldn’t tell
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Midas Touch [pt.2] | n romanoff
Summary: How is Y/n supposed to process the events of the last 24 hours when life wants to continue as normal? Her head is a total mess but the two people she is closest to are the ones most responsible. In a room full of people, she is the most alone
Warnings: bad coping mechanisms, shitty husband, cheating, mentions of an injury
Pairings: James Barnes x wife!reader, maid!Natasha Romanoff x mistress!reader
wc: 5k
Note: hello :) I am back! This is nowhere near as good as I want it to be but I need to get back into writing so I pushed myself to write this :) I hope you enjoy and thank you for all the love on the first part of ‘Midas Touch’
-⧗-
If Y/n Barnes was a master of one thing, it was pushing her feelings so far down they didn’t dare bob above the surface even just an inch. There was no tell-tale sign of what had happened the previous night…
… except for the dark bruise scattered nicely across her high cheekbone.
James didn’t return home that night so Y/n woke up to an empty bed. It wasn’t the first time, and certainly wouldn’t be the last, but the vast expanse of the egyptian cotton bed sheets encased her body like a glove, and pulling herself out would be an impossible task.
Natasha knocked on the door at 10am, her uniform ironed to a crisp perfection. Flashes of last night blurred through her mind but she cleared her thoughts with a deep breath and pushed the heavy door open after a suitable and swift knock. She headed straight to the long curtains that concealed the balcony doors and tugged them open to allow a small strip of light to dance across the oak floors.
“Good morning, Mrs Barnes,” she spoke gently, watching her mistress smooth her hands over her mussed up hair. The same soft hair she’d felt beneath her own fingertips in an entirely new way. “We have plenty of time, but I would like to remind you that you have your Vanity Fair photoshoot today.”
Y/n groaned and shuffled up to prop her torso up against the thick pillows, the strap of her nightdress falling down her shoulder slightly. “Did we not reschedule that?” She asked, large eyes following Natasha like a hawk.
“I’m afraid not, ma’am,” Natasha replied with a grimace. Y/n rolled her eyes, again, and blindly gestured for Natasha to bring her robe over. Whilst the spring days were getting warmer, mornings still carried a cooler breeze that felt rather harsh if you were dressed in nothing but a silk slip. “I can still call ahead and see-”
“There’s no need. It’s just a photoshoot, not the end of the world.” Y/n’s bleary eyes were still half closed as Natasha approached, rather hesitantly, with the feathered robe draped over one arm. She reprimanded herself to stay professional but as their eyes met, she couldn’t help but see the helpless expression that she saw in them only hours before, the same one she fell for without considering the repercussions. Natasha was sure Y/n could hear how loudly her heart was beating behind her blouse and she waited for a remark or look that would truly test her to the limit, yet nothing came.
Y/n accepted the robe with a tight lipped smile and moved into the bathroom without another word. Natasha couldn’t help but linger on the blue bruise in contrast with her pale skin, but she knew not to mention it. It was just another elephant in the room, which was turning into quite the zoo now.
Photoshoot preparation was fairly minimal as hair and makeup would be taken care of on set, so Natasha just focussed on preparing breakfast and briefing Y/n on everything she needed to know.
“- and I think that’s everything,” Natasha said, placing her pen down on the table. “Oh, um, well, there is one more thing, but…”
“Spit it out, Natasha, we really don’t have all day.” Y/n peered over the top of her large framed sunglasses with a raised brow, watching as the redhead cowered slightly under her gaze. “What is it?”
Natasha swallowed and started to fiddle with her nails under the table. Why was this so hard? “It’s just your… cheek, ma’am. Would you rather we covered it up here to avoid any suspicions, or we could create a cover story? Perhaps you were hit with a tennis ball-”
Y/n held up her index finger, effectively cutting Natasha off mid ramble. The stress was evident in her tone and it was slightly irritating to the young woman who had managed to distance herself from everything rather quickly. Sure, the ache on one side of her face was still there and served as a harsh reminder of what her life was, but she had a part to play, and nothing, not even Natasha, would get in the way of that.
“I don’t care,” Y/n stated bluntly, pushing her sunglasses up into her freshly washed hair. “You can do both, cover it up and make up a story.” Her tone was blasé and Natasha frowned, unsure of how to handle her next words. “It’s not a big deal, so please don’t turn it into one. And James cannot know that you know, okay, or he will fire you if he finds out.”
Her words were like a kick to the stomach and Natasha nodded swiftly before busying herself with collecting the breakfast tray. Despite being the one to end their kiss last night and cement to Y/n that it was wrong, there was still a part of her that clung on to their relationship being forever changed for the better and she yearned for that feeling they’d shared only hours previous. But Y/n cooler demeanour squashed all hope and she even wondered if it all had been a dream. If it wasn’t for the bruise, maybe she would have been convinced.
Natasha didn’t utter another word about it, instead immersing herself into preparations. Y/n was typing away on her phone on the drive over, so Natasha stole thirty minutes to continue with her book. But the words on the pages were simply just that, she couldn’t focus on more than a paragraph. She was hyper aware of the heeled foot bobbing out the corner of her eye where Y/n had one leg crossed over the other as she scrolled through her phone, and how if they were only a few inches closer it would be brushing against her calf. But Natasha shook her thoughts away as they pulled up to the studio and fetched the bags as Y/n’s publicist greeted them at the door.
Natasha was directed to the dressing room, the kind of place she was familiar with, and she laid out her things before hovering by the door. Her role during photoshoots was minimal, and quite frankly she didn’t need to be there, but Y/n always requested her presence as a sense of comfort and familiarity. Things got overwhelming quickly on set.
“Oh thank god, I thought you’d got lost,” Y/n breathed as she spotted Natasha by the soft couch, hands clasped over her lap. “I have a favour to ask.”
“Okay, what is it?”
Y/n peeked down the hallway before quickly closing the door, allowing them a moment of privacy before the chaos ensued. “Will you stay with me all day?” Her voice was quiet, like she was afraid to admit it. Natasha’s eyes softened and she nodded. “It’s just- I’ve never felt as safe with someone as I do with you, and after yesterday I-”
“It’s okay, I’ll be right here, and I’ll hover on set so I’m never far away. And I’ve already sent the message around so no one will ask about your cheek.” Y/n smiled gratefully, counting her blessings for how lucky she was to have Natasha in her life. She went above and beyond her duties and had the kindest heart, one that captured Y/n more than she cared to admit.
Their sweet moment was cut short as a knock on the door sounded, promptly followed by the entry of the glam team. Y/n was swooped away into hair and makeup, a simple yet versatile look that could be adapted to fit each outfit. Natasha watched like a hawk, scanning Y/n’s body language for any signs of discomfort. But her mistress was also a professional when it came to performing in public, so no outsider would ever know what was bubbling beneath the surface. She chatted and laughed with her stylists just like any other day, complimenting the soft waves in her hair and the shade of blush used on her cheeks.
The shoot itself harnessed the light and airy feel of summer, utilising bright colours and soft prints that complimented Y/n’s complexion perfectly. She’d worked with the photographer a few times before, with James too, so they worked naturally together, her features enhanced by his skill and her ease in which she posed.
The camera adored her. Which wasn’t surprising, Y/n really was gorgeous. Each outfit fitted her body like a glove and she gazed down the lens with such a sultry look that Natasha shifted in her seat a few times. She watched, mesmerised - this part of her job never got old.
Natasha had come crashing down overnight, the one small taste of her mistress that she’d managed to get had got her addicted and the way the redhead looked at her was far from professional, no matter how hard she tried.
And life wasn’t helping her case either. Not when Y/n came strutting out in her final outfit, a light blue silk dress with a dangerously low back and swooping neckline. She locked eyes with Natasha and winked as the make up artist added a final coat of lipstick before stepping back to allow the set to be empty. Y/n turned at an angle to the camera and looked back over her shoulder, eyes gazing off away from the lens… and straight to Natasha. Her soft eyeliner brought out the colours in her eyes in the most gorgeous way and they seemed to sparkle in the studio lights as she turned and posed, all whilst looking directly at her maid.
Anyone looking at the meek redhead in the corner would just see a maid on duty. No one would be able to see the way her eyes followed where Y/n’s hands went, knowing she’d held them in hers only hours before. Nor would they see how she stared at her slightly parted lips whilst remembering the way they felt on her own. How gentle and delicate they felt, a wild contrast to her captivating and consuming presence that made everyone on set stop and stare. Y/n had finally trusted someone to see her vulnerable and Natasha treasured it like a precious stone, keeping it near and dear to her heart.
The day wrapped after a few hours and Y/n changed straight into a bikini before heading down to the pool, her hair loose and still curled from the shoot. The water was always her preferred way of unwinding and Natasha gave her some space to be alone for a while, something that rarely happened in her hectic life.
The house was peaceful as the afternoon sun warmed the patio where Y/n resided, her legs dangling into the crystal pool water below. Her large sunglasses stopped the glare from blinding her and she moved her feet slowly, following the ripples that she created. There was nothing to be heard but the birds in the trees and the occasional clink of crockery as the chefs prepared a light dinner. Natasha stayed back, her chair placed in the shade to save her delicately pale skin from the harsh sun rays. She didn’t tan like Y/n did, and looking like a lobster was not on her to do list for the week.
But her seat still gave her an amazing view and as Y/n stood up to refill her glass, Natasha took the time to admire her toned body and how it glistened from the tanning oil. Every piece of exposed skin looked smooth and she knew it would feel just as soft under her fingertips.
Her attentive ears picked up the sound of heavy footsteps across the marble floors and Natasha sat up a little straighter as James appeared in the doorway. He was focused on the woman by the pool, her damp hair sticking to her exposed back as it dried in the heat. With four strides he was at the pool edge, saying something that made Y/n climb to her feet.
Natasha was used to their PDA, but this one felt wrong to watch. The second their lips touched, she brought her book closer, trying to distract herself. But the more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t keep looking away. She saw how James’ hand instantly found the curve of Y/n’s lower back and pressed her body into him as he held the back of her head to kiss her. Natasha saw Y/n almost melted into his touch and she cursed how natural they looked. Was everything okay with them? Had Y/n really pushed her pain that far down that she could forgive her husband in two seconds? Or was this all just an act that the couple had perfected over time because this had been happening a lot longer than Natasha knew. She dreaded to consider the latter but the sinking feeling in her stomach wouldn’t let it go.
At the poolside, Y/n finally pulled away from James, her lips slightly numb. “Where were you?” she muttered quietly, not fully looking him in the eye as he brushed his thumb across her bottom lip.
“Work, doll, you know how hectic it gets sometimes.” There was something off about him, but Y/n was too exhausted to pry so she let her eyes fall to the exposed chain resting on his chest thanks to the buttons undone on his shirt. “Have you been good today?”
“Had a photoshoot,” Y/n replied, and James tensed, gripping her waist firmer as he waited for her next words. “The one for Vanity Fair’s cover next month.”
James grunted in response and dragged his hand up his wife’s body, raking in her figure in her small black bikini. Natasha watched over the top of her book, perplexed. No one could see how uncomfortable Y/n was as James’ hand gripped the back of her neck and guided her inside, her facade was good, but she prayed it would be obvious as they passed the redhead who could only pretend she didn’t see them. Y/n desperately tried to make eye contact with her maid but Natasha ignored her, sending a shudder down her spine as James’ grip hardened.
“Why are you so quiet today? Cat got your tongue?” James asked once the bedroom door was closed and the couple were finally alone. Y/n lingered by the bed as he discarded his button down shirt in exchange for a lighter and more simple one. “I asked you a question, Y/n.”
“I’m just tired from the shoot,” she replied, eyes flitting over his muscular back. “And the constant dodging of questions.” Y/n saw the way he froze, still with his back turned, and the confidence that had blossomed in her chest for a moment was snuffed out.
“Excuse me?”
Her chest heaved as her breathing sped up but she stood her ground, using the mattress behind her knees for support. “It’s hard to lie through my teeth when people are asking about the bruise on my face and I can’t tell them it was my husband. Photoshop is really going to save you-”
“What did you tell them?” James demanded as he stormed over, towering over her as he gripped her upper arm. “Did you dare?”
“I told them it was a tennis ball.” Relief flooded James’ face and he let her go, creating space between them. Y/n saw the way he looked at her cheek that was still covered with makeup. “Didn’t want to risk getting another one if you found out I’d told the truth.” The words were out before she could stop them and Y/n braced herself for the impact, expecting the inevitable.
But it didn’t come.
A hand touched her cheek, making her flinch, before it slid down to her waist and James knelt before her, his head resting on her bare stomach. His sudden change was unnerving and Y/n didn’t know what to do. He was leaning against her like a child, apologising and mumbling like a madman, and part of her wanted to push him away, but it would be a step too far. She just stood and listened to his apologies, once again blaming his work for making him aggressive and swearing that he’d never lay a hand on her again.
Part of her believed him, the naive part, but as she screwed her eyes shut, all she saw was Natasha. How gentle her touch was, something James could never do. He was always rough, no matter what, his hands calloused from years of fighting. The way Natasha’s palm felt against her burning cheeks would never be matched by anyone else and no matter how hard Y/n tried to imagine that the hands that were running across her back now belonged to her maid, she knew what Natasha’s touch was like and she couldn’t pretend anymore.
The moment the kisses started across her lower stomach, Y/n pushed James’ head away and sat down on the soft duvet, taking his hand in hers.
“It’s okay, I forgive you.”
Lies.
But for the sake of her life and safety, it was all she could say.
James was no knight in shining armour, despite his skillset. No, her true saviour knocked on the door in that moment, knocking the air out of her lungs as she breathed a sigh of relief. Natasha knew not to enter unless ordered, so Y/n scurried to the door and visibly softened at the sight of the redhead who’s cheeks were slightly flushed.
Right, Y/n was still in her bikini.
“I’m just here to say that dinner is ready and on the patio when you both are available,” she announced, smiling politely at James who had joined his wife at the door, his hand sliding around her waist possessively. “Chef prepared those oysters you requested, Mr Barnes.”
“Thank you, Natasha, Y/n and I will be right there.” The redhead didn’t linger, instead disappearing back down the stairs in a hurry.
“I’m just going to get changed, I’ll meet you down there,” Y/n said, wriggling out of his hold as soon as she could. “Don’t wait for me.”
“Don’t be too long, doll. I’ve missed you.”
He certainly had an odd way of showing that, considering he had disappeared for over twelve hours with not a word. But, once again, Y/n pushed that out of her mind and slipped on a simple white cover-up that was modest enough for dinner and padded downstairs to the patio where James had already tucked into his food. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a kiss, more of a display to the staff around them than anything else.
Seafood was never Y/n’s preference, so once she was sat across the table, her fork picked at parts of the salad, occasionally stomaching an oyster that James pushed her way. He glanced at her plate with a frown
“Are you on a new diet?”
Y/n almost dropped her fork and quickly fumbled to catch it before it clattered to the floor. “No,” she replied, mortified. “Should I be?”
James just shrugged, leaning back in his chair as he took a swig of his drink. His tanned chest was exposed and he revelled in the feeling of the sun on his skin, something he missed working in an office all day.
“That’s not up to me. I just want you to look good.” His vague response left a sour taste in Y/n mouth and she shifted in her seat uncomfortably, subtly adjusting the way the cover-up sat around her stomach.
“Then why did you ask?” Her mind cast back to the earlier photoshoot and the tight fitting clothes she’d squeezed into per the stylist’s request. Did they all think she needed to be on a diet too?
“You’re so sensitive,” James replied, wiping his mouth on a napkin. “It was just a question, just eat your food, doll. Or don’t, I don’t care.” Y/n looked down at her dish and pushed a cherry tomato around before eventually dropping her fork to the side with a clink. Despite how fresh her salad tasted, James’ words sank to her stomach like a stone and she felt disgusted at the thought. “What are you doing on Friday night?”
“I don’t think I’ve got anything planned, but I’ll need to check with Natasha-”
“You’re coming to the charity ball with me.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand, and Y/n just nodded. “Rogers said it’s non-negotiable and you know how much I love having you on my arm. Rumlow will be there too, which is a bonus.” Y/n’s stomach lurched at the thought of seeing that man again. He was far too handsy for her liking and had zero respect for women, especially her. “It’ll give me another chance to show you off and put that asshole in his place.”
“James, you know I don’t feel comfortable around him-”
“I know, doll. But you’ve got me to protect you,” he countered, subtly flexing his arm that was placed behind his head.
But his words didn’t fill her with much hope. She hated feeling so helpless, but being surrounded by the men that James was associated with through work was like being surrounded by bears in a forest. How could she rely on her husband to keep her safe when he was now part of the reason why her hands shook? His slap had knocked her confidence away just like it did her breath, and the determination and independence she’d felt a few days ago was now nowhere to be seen. And she hated it.
“May I be excused?” Y/n asked, already feeling restless in her seat. James nodded and muttered something about a call, but she was already out of earshot by the time he’d finished.
Her legs didn't carry her up to her room like she expected. Instead, she found herself down the least familiar hallway, stopping outside a door she’d only knocked on once before.
A faint rustling was heard before the door flew open and Natasha’s face morphed from surprise to confusion at the sight of her mistress in the staff quarters.
“Can I come in? Please?” Neither Y/n or James ever ventured into the staff quarters, nevermind the rooms, but Natasha stepped aside and allowed her to enter, excusing how bare her room was.
“Is everything okay? You could have called for me.”
Y/n shook her head as she admired the neatness of Natasha’s living quarters. Her surfaces were dust free and bed made to perfection. “I don't know, I just wanted to get away from everything. And you’re the only person I could think of.”
Natasha frowned, her brows creasing as she watched her mistress peering out of the window at the gardens below. Y/n sensed her close presence and turned to face her, scanning her face and more importantly her eyes. A gentle hand raised to smooth the lines between the redhead’s brows upon instinct before Natasha stepped away, effectively placing a blockage between them.
“We should go somewhere else, Y/n, you shouldn’t be here.” It all felt wrong yet right and Natasha was so conscious of someone walking in on them. “Come, we can sit on the balcony.”
Y/n shook her head desperately. “No, James is out there on a call and I can’t face him right now. I don’t want to feel like I’m being watched anymore but there’s nowhere else I can go except to you and I shouldn’t, but you don’t understand, I can’t-”
“Y/n, breathe, it’s okay, I won’t make you go anywhere. What happened?”
“It’s pathetic,” she replied, adjusting the neckline of her coverup. “I’m just being ridiculous and sensitive, just like he said.”
“James?” Natasha probed, wishing she had been out on the patio to hear the conversation that had clearly shaken her mistress. “What did he say?”
“He just said something about a diet and I overreacted and asked if I should be on one and he got mad and I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me.”
“He said you should be on a diet?” Natasha repeated in disbelief. That was another score for the James Barnes hate chart, and if he didn’t pay her wages she’d have acted on her impulses a long time ago. They never quite saw eye to eye.
Y/n winced, feeling guilty for making the situation seem worse. A messy mind led to messy conversations and she just wanted to stop. “No, he-”
“So he said he doesn’t want you on one?”
“Well, not exactly, but that's all I can think about now. He wants me to look good, I’m his wife for god’s sake, I have to.” Her voice cracked and Y/n turned away from Natasha, moving back towards the door as doubt began to set in. “But what if I’m not enough, or perfect enough for him anymore? ”
Natasha had to fight to stop herself from speaking the words on her mind and she bit her lip. “No, Y/n, you are beautiful just the way you are. You don’t need a diet or anything like that,” she spoke softly. The other woman didn’t look convinced, so Natasha carefully stood up and opened her closet door to reveal a small mirror about ¾ of a full length. “Here, let me show you something.”
“Natasha, I can’t-”
“Y/n, please…” she trailed off, holding out her hand patiently. She wasn’t about to force her to do anything, Natasha could see the cogs whirring in her busy mind and knew what she was fighting. Half of her wanted to go and find James and kick him in the balls, just like she wanted to last night, but she was here for Y/n. Not him.
“I shouldn’t even be here, this was stupid-”
“No,” Natasha interrupted, stopping Y/n in her tracks. “What’s stupid is James making you feel as worthless as you do. Why do you listen to him?” Y/n avoided her gaze, choosing instead to twist her wedding ring around her finger, it suddenly feeling heavier than usual. “Do you not see how beautiful you are? How you give your heart out to anyone who needs it without caring what state it is in when you get it back? Do you not see that you are so much more than just his wife?” Natasha’s words were true, but they fell upon deaf ears and Y/n shook her head, reaching for the doorknob whilst trying to hide her trembling hands.
“I’m sorry…” she mumbled, not giving Natasha a chance to stop her before slipping back out into the hallway where she came from.
Natasha watched the door close dejectedly, her heart sinking. “Do you not see how much I love you?”
Y/n sped down the hallway with glassy eyes, her head more clouded than ever. She had so many questions, but who was she to ask when the two closest to her were the ones completely messing with her head, tugging it in opposite directions until the rope threatened to snap. She barely registered travelling back upstairs until she reached the bedroom door and threw it open without a care. James’ head turned at the noise and he spoke down the phone before hanging up and followed Y/n into her dressing room.
Y/n was completely lost with her thoughts when she felt his hands on her and barely reacted to his touch. His lips trailed up her neck to her ear and she tilted her head back purely on instinct. She felt too numb for this, but let him continue because she was his wife and that was her job. Nothing sparked her brain when he pulled her coverup off or when he picked her up and placed her on the dresser in the middle of the room. It was all muscle memory and he was too focused to notice her lack of enthusiasm.
How could so much change in twenty four hours? She lived an amazing life, incredibly privileged, so why wasn’t she happy? Couples fight all the time, her husband was an aggressive man, but a single slap didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. She’d get over it and maybe James would go back to being the loving husband he was before.
But even now, as his calloused hands pulled off her bikini top and pressed his lips to her soft skin, she doubted that her life would ever go back to the way it was. Not now that she had Natasha.
Yet that was nothing more than a fruitless desire. Because, despite her comebacks and displays of confidence towards her husband, he was more powerful than she would ever be and had the ability to ruin her life if she went against his wishes.
Was it worth it? Y/n really wasn’t sure. She would never be certain.
#natasha romanoff#marvel#fanfic#natasha romanoff x reader#black widow#natasha romanoff fluff#natasha romanoff angst#natasha romanoff oneshot#natasha romanoff imagine#natasha romanoff fanfic#natasha x reader#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanoff x female reader#james barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#midas touch
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Bad Luck, Good Luck
Summary: Evan and (Y/n) are neighbors, nothing more, nothing less. At least that’s what Evan thinks they are, (Y/n) sees him more than that. When (y/n) discovers that Evan has a girlfriend, she knows she can’t handle seeing him with another girl and decides to move. But what if Evan finds her diary?
Request by: anonymous - The request
9-1-1 masterlist
Taglist: @oliviah-25 @shauna-carsley 
An annoyed groan fell off (Y/n)’s lips as she felt her phone buzzing and the ringtone sounding through the air. She searched the small compartments of her bag, finally fishing out her phone out of the bag as she swipes her finger along the screen to accept the phone call. She pressed the phone to her ear “(Y/n)” she said with a little annoyed tone overruling her voice.
Everything that could go wrong, went wrong this morning. She had overslept, couldn’t seem to get her hair into form, stained the outfit she had gotten on but didn’t have time to put anything else on and at last but not least, being stuck in Los Angeles traffic on her way to work.
She was now on her way to pick up the coffee order from some colleagues from the office she worked at. Her hand reached out for the door of the coffeeshop, as she pulled the door open and stepped over the threshold. “I’m sorry sir! I just entered the shop to get your coffee, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She said, An annoyed male voice replied back through her phone and abruptly hung up the phone.
Another sigh fell off her lips as she slid the phone back into her bag and got in line to pick up the coffee order. (Y/n) didn’t like the job she did. But it paid well, and she really didn’t know what kind of job she wanted to do. She never knew. No job really spoke to her..
“Sounds like you have a rough day already” a familiar voice sounded through her ears as she scanned her surroundings to find the voice. It wasn’t until he turned his body towards her as she could connect a name to that voice. It was Evan, her neighbor.
With a small smile projected on his face, his eyes found hers. “Tell me about it” she sighed as she slid her hand through her hair, trying subtly to make it look kind of decent. “Slept through my alarm and stained my outfit, not really my best day and look” she said as she pointed at the stain on the chest part of her beige button up shirt.
“Yet this is one of your best looks” Evan says before he could even realize what he said. Maybe a little bit too flirty than he wanted it to sound. “N-Not that you’ve ever looked bad!” He tried to correct himself as he felt his cheeks starting to burn. “And not that I always check the way you look when you walk out the door..” he sighs as he realizes he’s making a fool of himself.
“And.. god I should stop. I sound like a stalker..” he awkwardly smiles as he rubs his hand on the back of his neck.
A smile was spread over (y/n)’s face as he tried to save himself. It was kinda cute the way he was trying to talk himself out of it, the way he smiled at her when he knew he couldn’t talk it right. A small giggle fell off her lips as she nodded. “It’s okay, I know you’re not a stalker..” she smiled down at the ground for a second before she looked back at Evan again. “Just… a neighbor..” she continued.
“Good” he chuckled softly as he dropped his hand down to hold the strap his radio was attached to. “Anyways, if you’re already late.. Why are you here getting coffee?” he asked, confused as he pointed to the signs of the shop hanging around in the space.
She laughed “Part of the routine, and one of the tasks I got from my boss” she nodded, she wasn’t too proud of that part of the job either. “Hmm, assistant job?” Evan asked her as he saw the way he looked back down again. “Yeah.. nobody at the office knows my name but whenever they need coffee, they suddenly know where to find me” she laughs it off as she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Hey, It’s okay if you still have no clue what you want to do for work.” Evan said as he noticed the way she wanted to get rid of the subject. ”I didn’t know I wanted to be a firefighter until I was twentysix, and after I traveled the country trying out so many jobs.” he continued as he tried to motivate her to not give up. “You traveled the country?” She asked, not sure if he was for real or not.
“Oh yeah, I was a mixologist, construction worker, worked at a ranch and I even joined the Navy Seals for a bit” he said. “You? Working at a ranch?” she laughed. “Yeah, not my finest moment. But I was just trying to figure out who I was” he laughed with her as he held up his hands.
When the laughs stopped filling the space, it went silent. It was nice to talk to someone who also had the same problem as she has right now. But except, he found his calling and she didn’t.. At least not yet.
It was silent, but not the kind of silent where it’s awkward. It was comfortable.
“Order for Buck?” The barista behind the pickup counter said, as his head shot towards the pickup counter as he heard his name. “Yeah that's me” he said as he stepped forward, taking a step towards the counter.
(Y/n) looked around as she waited for her order to be made. “I’ll cover for whatever she orders too.” Evan’s voice sounded through her head as he handed over the money to the barista.
“No.. Evan. I really can’t ask you to do that..” she said as she saw Evan getting the two trays filled with coffee. Evan glanced over to (Y/n) as he balanced the coffee on both his hands.
“You didn’t ask, I offered it. And.. it seemed like you needed some good luck today” He gave her a small smile as he connected his elbow softly with her upper arm. “Guess I owe you now” she smiled.
“Yeah.. I guess you do. But I have to go now.. the team gets grumpy when they don’t get a cup of good coffee before a call” he laughed. She gave him a nod, “See you around” he said as he walked past her.
The entrance bell rang as he pushed the door open. “Oh and by the way..” his voice sounded through the coffeeshop as he was standing in the doorway. ”You can call me Buck”
______
(Y/n) opened the door to the archive room, her boss gave her the assignment to go and clean the archive room since it was a mess. And he was right. Her eyes slowly scanned the space before she stepped over the threshold, and looked around the small space that wasn’t much bigger than a janitor's closet.
A smell of stale, like she walked into an old person’s home was floating through the air and made its way up her nose. There was no window, so she let her hand feel against the side of the wall and searched for the lightswitch. When she found the switch, she flicked it on
It was like she went ten years back in time when she stepped over that threshold. As if she stepped into a time machine. There were loose papers spread over the floor, folders with important documents spread over the small table, boxes with more folders and papers stacked into a storage rack.
A sigh fell off her lips as she looked around. She was an assistant, she wasn’t a warehouse employee or a maid. But she needed this job to pay for her rent, she could look for her dream job or purpose while she worked. The best she could do right now is: do her job, do what they ask to do and nod and say yes.
“Where to begin..” she mumbled as she closed the door behind her so she wouldn’t be a burden to anyone. She decided to start with clearing the table, so she had space to organize lost papers which were everywhere.
But after a few minutes of starting she decided to grab her headphones out of her bag to make it fun. Music always does the trick. She folded out the headphones as she turned the wireless headphone on and put on some music and continued organizing the papers.
One by one she went through all the boxes and started to reorganize them. When (Y/n) carries another box from the shelf, suddenly the lights turn off. “What the hell?” she mumbles with a confused frown projected on her face, she looks around. She placed the box she was just carrying on the ground and slid her headphones off her head and ears and let it rest on her shoulders and around her neck.
Alarms were beeping and screaming as she pushed the headphone off her ears. She felt her heartbeat racing as adrenaline was floating through her body. Her hand found the doorknob, when she turned it and pulled the door towards her the whole floor she was on had already been evacuated. “For fuck sake” the words fell off her lips as she looked around the floor and the light smell of smoke entered her airways.
She ignored the smoke smell and walked fast towards the indicated emergency route. But when she swung the door open a smother of thick gray smoke was blown into her face. Multiple coughs left her mouth as she closed the door as soon as possible. She was trapped. The fire probably came from a few floors below her, and there was no way she could get through that smoke, not even with a piece of fabric in front of her mouth and nose to filter out the smoke.
(Y/n) slid her phone out of her pocket, and her fingers went straight to the green button with a phone projected on it. She dialed the three numbers everyone in the whole wide world had memorized. 9-1-1. and held her phone against her ear.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” a female voice spoke over the phone as she picked up. “I’m stuck on the nineteenth floor of the Hound co. office on central street! A-and I don’t know what to do” a small cough interrupted her sentence as she spoke to the lady on the phone. (Y/n) was starting to panic as she came to the realization that there wasn’t a way out for her.
“It’s okay, we’re gonna get you out of there. Units are already on their way.” The woman on the phone tried to calm down (Y/n). “What’s your name ma’am?” The woman continued as she tried to gather as much information as possible. “(Y/n)” she coughed, the smoke was entering the room more and more. It was stinging her eyes and made it hard to see.
“I’m Maddie, Is there anything you can hold in front of your nose and mouth to prevent you from inhaling smoke? A fabric like a t-shirt, jacket, maybe a towel?” Her voice was so calm and reassuring.
“Yes I think I have a scarf tied around my bag” she coughed. “That’s great. If you have it, hold it in front of your nose and mouth” Maddie, the woman on the phone instructs her. (Y/n) unties the scarf from the bag and does whatever she told her to do.
“Now, we want to get you as far away as possible from the smoke. Do you see a fire escape? There must be some kind of stairwell” Maddie asks through the phone. “I looked there just a minute ago and it was filled with smoke. I can’t go through there!” (Y/n) spoke as she walked back towards the staircase.
“(Y/n) I know it's scary, but I need you to go higher.” Maddie’s voice spoke through the speaker of the phone. “I’m here with you and I’m not leaving until help arrives.”she continues. (Y/n) closed her eyes for a brief second as she looked up at the ceiling. She squeezed her eyelids together as she shook her head. “Okay'' she cried as she felt her eyes burning, not only from the tears, but from the smoke in the room.
“Now, go and look for the fire escape” Maddie ordered, and (Y/n) went straight towards the door of the stairwell. “Okay, I’m back at the door of the fire escape” she said as a small cough left her mouth. (y/n) pulled the door open and a wave of smoke was blown again into her face. Immediately she looked down, searching from what floor the fire was coming. “I think the fire is coming from one of the floors below me!” she tried to say between coughs and she pressed the fabric tighter to cover her nose and mouth. “(Y/n) I need you to go up”
Just as (Y/n) wants to turn to go up the staircase, her eyes fall down onto something that probably wasn’t supposed to be there. It was a hand. Quickly (Y/n) stepped down the stairs to make sure there wasn’t anyone else trapped. “Oh my god” she mumbled through the fabric of her scarf as her eyes found a woman’s body down onto the ground, lifeless.
“There’s someone else down here!” she said as she kneeled down next to the woman. “In the stairwell?” Maddie asks. “There’s a woman, I think she may have fallen when she tried to get out of here!” she coughed as the smoke became thicker and thicker with the second.
“Can you tell If she’s still breathing?” the voice on the phone asked. She held her hand which was holding her phone in front of the woman’s face as she felt a small breath of air tickling her skin. “I think she’s still breathing!” she concluded as she held the phone against her ear again so she could hear Maddie talking.
“Okay, we’re not leaving her behind. Here’s what you need to do..” Maddie spoke as she explained the way to help and rescue the unconscious woman. Maddie gave her the instruction to tie the scarf she had pressed against her nose and mouth, around her head so it would still hold back some of the smoke.
(Y/n) rolled the woman onto her back and pushed her up so she was sitting up. She got behind the woman as she grabbed her wrists and lifted her up to her feet. The chest of the woman was pressed against (Y/n)’s back so she could bend her knees and lift her weight onto her shoulders and back.
“What now?” she groaned as she carried the weight of the woman on her back and shoulders. “Move, as fast as you can. Go up, there should be less smoke a few floors up.” Maddie instructed her. “Okay. Heading up!” she groaned at every step she took.
“I’m at twenty one” she coughed, with every breath of air she felt her lungs take less and less air. As if the smoke that went into her lungs had taken the place of the oxygen. Her world was spinning around her, black and white dots were dancing around her vision at every step she took. “Just a few more (Y/n). You can do this.” Maddie tried to motivate her.
“I-.. I can’t..” she stumbled over her words as she felt her knees cave in. “I’m sorry Maddie” she coughed and cried. “It’s okay. If you can, exit the stairwell and find a wall to slide the woman down off your back.” she said.
But before she could do that, her vision went totally black, her vision was taken over by the black and white dots. She could feel her body fall down onto the concrete stairwell, as the body of the woman fell down onto hers, completely crushing her body.
“(Y/n)? Are you still there?”
“Captain Nash, be advised, there are two women in the stairwell on the twenty first floor, unconscious. Name of one of the women is (Y/n).” Maddie’s voice came through the radio as the team stepped out of the truck.
Evan’s hand reached out to the compartment door to get out the oxygen tanks but froze, as his heart dropped down in his chest. That name. That damn’ name. He knew it could be a hundred or thousand other people with that name, but something told him it was her. His neighbor.
“Copy that, dispatch” Bobby spoke into his radio as he pressed the button to speak. “Chimney, Buck and Eddie, you three go in and get those two victims. Hen, you go and start triage, Chimney will join you after.” Bobby ordered his team that was nodding.
Evan, Eddie and Chimney all three put an oxygen tank on their back as they got ready to get into the office building.
“Almost there! One more floor!” Eddie said as Evan was still full speed stepping on those stairs as if it did nothing to his breathing. Chimney was panting as he was pulling himself up with the help of the railing like it would help him gain more energy and oxygen.
“(Y/n)!” Evan called out as he almost reached the twenty first floor, trying to get a reaction out of her. There was still a chance she would’ve gained consciousness in those minutes they were rushing up the stairs. “LAFD! Call out!” Eddie’s voice followed up Evan’s yell.
Evan’s eyes fall onto the numbers written on the wall. Twenty one, with the door towards the office floor next to it. Evan’s eyes scanned the stairwell as he stopped in his tracks, but when he heard a groan his eyes shot up and he let his legs carry him a few steps higher.
“Ma’am LAFD, we’re here to help!” Evan said as he could see two female bodies collapsed on top of each other. Slowly the woman gained consciousness. “Oh my god” she stumbled as she realized she was crushing (Y/n)’s body.
“It’s okay, let's get you out of here and checked out, alright?” Evan said as he helped the woman to her feet so she wouldn’t be crushing his neighbor anymore. Evan grabbed both of the woman’s hands to support her weight, as he handed her carefully over to Eddie.
Evan quickly kneeled down next to (Y/n) “(Y/n) can you hear me?” he said once more. But when he didn’t receive a reaction to his question, he took off his glove and slid the scarf she had wrapped around her nose and mouth down to her neck.
He pressed his index and middle finger tight against each other and pressed them against her neck. After he found her pulse and it seemed normal, he held his hand in front of her nose as he checked her breathing. “Pulse seems normal, but her breathing is short” Evan says as he looked at Chimney.
“Must have been because of the amount of smoke. Let’s get them both out of here!” Chimney concluded, as he helped Eddie to support the woman. “You got her Buck?” Chimney asks as Eddie and the other woman slowly start to make their way down. “Yeah, I got her.” Evan says as he nodded at Chimney.
Twenty one floors to carry someone was a hell, but if she was unconscious he had no other choice. They couldn’t get the gurney up there, not when the fire was still roaring over one of the floors. Evan carefully turned her so she was on her back, and slid his left arm underneath her lower back and his right arm underneath her knee cavity.
Her body became heavier at every step he took to get from the twenty first floor back to the ground floor. His arms were losing power, but he couldn’t stop, he had to push through the pain. He could hear soft groans and falling from her mouth.
“I need a gurney over here!” Evan panted as he got out of the doors of the building. Chimney comes running down with the gurney, and Evan carefully places (Y/n) onto it. Once she was on the gurney, Evan ripped off his oxygen mask, revealing his blonde curls and sweaty face.
“Let’s get her into the ambulance.” Chimney said. Evan placed one hand down onto her knee as he placed his right hand onto hers, giving her a slight squeeze to let her know he was there, walking next to the gurney to help her get to the ambulance.
A groan fell off her lips as she tried with all her energy to open her eyes. “It’s okay.. I’m here with you” Evan’s voice sounded through her ears. She could feel Evan’s hand softly squeezing her hand.
Her hand tightened around Evan’s hand as she felt his hand loosening around her hand. Evan wanted to let go, so she could get to the hospital.
“Buck..” she stumbled as a loud cough left her throat, and she looked at him through the small space between her eyelids.
The way she tiredly called out his name, made his heart skip a beat. Evan had a feeling she wasn’t going to let go of his hand sooner or later. He felt the eyes of Chimney burning into his skin as they waited for Evan to make a choice.
“I’m here (y/n). I’m not going anywhere.” He softly said as he got in the back of the ambulance.
She didn't know him at all. Only that he was her neighbor. But she trusted him. That was all that she needed right now.
_____
(Y/n) closed the door behind her as she held the garbage bag in her other hand. In the corner of her eye she could see a silhouette appearing, when she turned around to proceed her way to get rid of the garbage bag she met those ocean blue eyes again. He was holding a moving box in his hands, as a spooked look was projected onto his face. As if he had seen a ghost, or something or someone he didn’t want to walk into.
There was a silence between the two of them, “You’re not moving out right?” (Y/n) decided to break the silence as she pointed at the box Evan was holding. “What?” Evan said as a confused look took over his face now, but quickly remembered that he was holding a moving box. ”No! It’s just..-” his sentence was cut off by a female voice filling the space of the hallway. “Hey we probably have to cull as we unpack. Oh-” The female voice stopped speaking as she walked into the hallway, finding Evan talking with (Y/n). With her keys in her hand she stopped in her tracks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were chatting with one of your neighbors” she said.
(Y/n)’s eyes wandered from the woman she didn’t know, to Evan and back, trying to connect the dots. Evan just stayed silent as he held his eyes locked onto the box he was holding. “I believe we haven’t met yet..” The woman came closer to (Y/n) “I’m Taylor, Buck’s girlfriend.” she says as she reaches out her hand, inviting (y/n) to shake hers.
Her eyes went wide as she surprisedly repeated the one word that triggered her. “Girlfriend?” she said as she collided her hand into Evan’s girlfriend and shook it. Her voice sounded surprised, but she tried her best to sound as normal as possible, even if that was possible. Not after he dropped a bomb on her like that. She smiled awkwardly as she glanced over to Evan and back to Taylor. “I’m (Y/n), Buck’s neighbor and just a friend” she said as she gave Evan one fast glance again.
“So you’re moving in?” (Y/n) asked Taylor as she pointed at the box Evan was still holding. “Seems like it, doesn’t it?” Taylor smiles as she takes place to stand next to Evan. (Y/n) could swear she was going to be sick. How did Evan not mention this to her? That he had a girlfriend who was going to move in with him? How is that something that you’d keep out of your conversations?
(Y/n) smiled at the both of them “So, how did the two of you meet?” (Y/n) asked as she felt a silence coming up. “Well, Buck and his team rescued me from a crashed helicopter a few months ago actually. Just another day on the job, isn’t that right?” Taylor answered as she smiled at Evan, curling her hands around his upper arm.
“Wow, I’m sure that must’ve been scary for you” (Y/n) said as she glanced every now and then at Evan, he was quiet. That was nothing for him, he always wants to join in with conversations. “Yes it was, but luckily we’ve got LA’s finest fire and rescue to save us. It wasn’t love at first sight, but we found each other back” Taylor said as she glanced up at her boyfriend, who was pretty much focussed on the cardboard box which he was still holding in his hands.
The smiles and awkward laughing came to a stop, as a silence filled the room again.
“How are you? How are your lungs?” Evan suddenly asked after a few loud minutes of silence. (Y/n)’s eyes wandered towards Evan’s. “I’m doing fine, thanks. I’ve had some extra follow up exams but my doctor says that my lungs sounded clear” (Y/n) explained to Evan. “Good, happy to hear you’re going good” Evan nodded as he could feel himself slip away and drown into her eyes.
Taylor’s face had gone from smiling to a confused look. (Y/n) guessed Evan probably never mentioned rescuing his own neighbor from a fire. “I got stuck in a fire a week back..” (Y/n) said as she looked at his girlfriend, explaining the situation. “And Buck.. well he saved me” she continued as she quickly glanced at Evan. (Y/n) received a quiet “oh” from the woman and she nodded.
“Um, did they find some kind of emergency building to work in?” Buck asked as he clarified the situation to Taylor. A small laugh left (Y/n)’s mouth “Funny you should ask.. Um, I don't know. I quit the job” she said as she looked down at the floor, which was really interesting to her right now.
Evan’s eyebrow furrowed, he didn’t expect her to drop her job like that. “Oh.. I’m so.. sorry. I had no idea.” Evan apologizes to her. “It’s okay.. really. I wanted to quit anyway.” she quickly said as she wanted to get rid of the subject as soon as possible.
Another silence filled the hallway.
“Anyways! It was so nice to meet you Taylor.” (Y/n) said as she gave her a small nod and slowly backed away from the couple. “But.. I’ve got to.. uh go.. do that.. uh.. thing!” she continued, she quickly slid the key to her home out of her pocket and unlocked the door. “See you later?” Buck quickly asked as she opened the door to her apartment. (Y/n) hummed a fast “yes” and closed the door with a bang.
She was still holding the trash bag in her hand, but threw it through the room to release her anger. She let her back fall against the front door of her apartment and slowly let her head bounce against the door. With her eyes squeezed closed, she bawled her fist along her side of her body and let it bang against the wooden door.
This couldn’t be happening.
______
Evan slides the oven rack with the dish filled with fresh lasagna towards him, checking if his dinner is ready to be served.
But his head shot up at the sound of his doorbell ringing. He quickly slides the rack back into the oven as he shuts the door close and throws the towel he used onto the kitchen counter. He quickly walked to the door, and swung the door open as he was within range.
His eyes spotted an older man standing in front of his door. Evan simply greeted him when he saw the man. “Hello, my name is Wright, I’m your new neighbor from next door.” the man says. Evan’s eyes furrowed in surprise. “Oh yeah, I’m Buck. Welcome to the neighborhood” Evan introduces himself to the man.
It has been months since (Y/n) moved out of the apartment next door, she told Evan that she found a new job and had to move to Berkeley. Which wasn't a lie, technically. After everything that happened to her, she found a new purpose, and needed a new beginning.
But the one thing she didn’t tell anyone was her main reason why she left. She left Los Angeles, and her apartment was because she knew she couldn’t bear to see Evan with another woman. She knew that she would be suffering every awaking second, as she saw Taylor and Evan together.
After the office building fire, she was desperate to help people and to show people that she in fact was intelligent and useful. The people at the office treated her like she was stupid and used her for the most simple tasks. She wanted to prove herself, so that is what she’s going to do. She moved to Berkeley to start medical school at the University of California.
Evan has also broken up with Taylor a couple of weeks ago. Taylor promised Evan that she wouldn’t run the Jonah Greenway story, but eventually betrayed him by doing it anyway. After they spend some time avoiding each other, Evan and Taylor parted ways.
“I came here to ask if you knew the previous neighbor?” Wright asks Evan. He nods as her smile flashes through her mind again. “Yeah, I did” he says with a soft smile projected on his face.
“Good, because he or she left this behind and I wanted to give it back to its rightful owner” the new neighbor says as he holds up a book. The book he’s holding looks used, as if it had lived a long life.
His soft smile morphed into a confused look that was written all over Evan’s face. “I was wondering if you could get in touch with the owner to return it.” Wright says as he fiddles with the book in his hands.
“Oh yeah, sure. I can do that.” Evan answers Wright as he nodded. ”Really? That’s awesome, thanks” his neighbor says as he hands over the book to Evan, who gladly takes it off his hands.
“I’d better get going, have lots to unpack. Let me know if you got it back to the owner” Wright says with a smile written on his face. “I will. Oh and once again, welcome to the neighborhood” Wright sends Evan a small smile and walks away from the door. Evan gives the door a slung so it would close on its own.
Evan inspects the book that was in his hands. It wasn’t like a book to read, it looked more like a notebook to him. When Evan turns the book around to look at the back, he stops in his tracks as something hits the floor. A folded piece of paper.
Another confused look was on his face. He squats down and grabs the piece of paper from the ground. Evan wants to put back the paper in between the pages of the book, but then his eyes fall onto his own name. Written down onto the paper. What the hell?
He had so many questions. Why was his name onto this piece of paper? What was this book? Was it some kind of diary or was it just a book? Was she writing about him? And if so, why was she writing about him? A thousand questions were running through his mind right now.
Evan stands up straight again as he places the book onto the kitchen island. He leaned with his forearms onto the island as well as he turned the piece of paper multiple times, as if it was magically going to show something new.
He can’t open this, right? It’s someone’s private property. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to find this after all. Evan is in a fight with himself, but after minutes of debating and a hundred times turning the folded paper, he decides to open it. His heart was starting to race as he unfolded the paper and he let his fingers trace along the ripped off side of the paper.
Evan,
I don’t even know where to begin, I don’t even know if I will have the guts to send this to you. Maybe this letter will always stay in my diary. I have written this letter already a hundred times, but I can’t seem to find the right words. I have so many things to say, but yet, I can’t get them on paper. Everything I write down seems to be wrong.
Maybe it’s the feeling of seeing you with her, while I try to push my real feelings down. Only to see you happy. Because that’s what I want. I want you to be happy, because that’s what you deserve.
I wanted to be happy for you, when I walked into you and Taylor in the hallway. I wanted to tell you that seeing you and her together, didn’t do anything to me. But I’d be lying if I said that. The truth is… every time when I see you glance a smile at her or even holding her hand, a part of me is dying on the inside. I tried to put on a mask, and to turn into someone else every single time when I walked past you. But it just got harder from time to time.
It’s like I’m underwater, I’m trying to hold my breath and I’m not coming up until this all is over. But I’m suffocating. And that’s why I’m leaving Los Angeles.
I hate the way my heart makes a jump when you glance back at me, or the way my name falls off your lips. The feeling you give me by only standing there, and telling me it’s going to be okay. Or the way you somehow managed to become my lucky charm.
There’s a lot more I want to say… But I’m ending this letter. Because, how could you ever feel the same, we were just friends. Neighbors. Nothing more, right?
- (Y/n)
Evan let his free hand press against his forehead as he reads the last sentence of the letter he found. He felt so stupid, how could he be that stupid and miss all the signals…
______
(Y/n) grabs her cup as she takes a sip from her tea and writes down the last important thing from her study book. A sigh falls off her lips as she hears a knock on the door. She quickly places the cup of tea on the wooden dining table as she pushes the chair back and starts walking towards the front door. Another loud knock on the door was sounding through the apartment as the person in front of the door apparently became impatient. “Yeah yeah! I’m coming!” she spoke loud enough to reach the front door. “Jesus” she mumbled under her breath as she reached the door.
“Buck?” his name fell off her lips as she opened the door and she was once again drowning into those ocean blue eyes. The one she recognizes out of a thousand. “Hey” he simply said, as she leaned against the half open front door of her new apartment.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, with her eyebrows furrowed. How did he find out where she lived?
“I think you forgot something when you left Los Angeles” Evan says as he magically pulled out her book and held it up like it was some prize she could win. "My diary.." She sighs as a smile develops itself onto her face. He holds out her diary, waiting for her to accept it.
She gently accepts the diary he was holding in his hands, “How did you find this?” she asks as she opens the diary, scrolling through the pages, searching for the letter that was meant for Evan. “My new neighbor came to me. Claiming that he found something, and he wanted to give it back to its rightful owner. So he asked me to give it back, since I told him that I knew you.” he explains as a confused look was spread over Evan’s face, while hers looked like she was about to panic.
“Something wrong?” Evan softly asks her as she continues to hurriedly go through all the pages of her diary. A nervous laugh exits her mouth as the panic was written in her eyes and all over her face. “I’ve looked everywhere for my diary, there was something important in it” she said as she closed the diary.
Evan looked down at his feet, as he nodded. “You mean this?” Evan asks as he slid out the ripped piece of paper out of his pocket. The panic in her eyes remained as she saw what he was holding up in between his index and middle finger. “You found it” she sighed as she silently with only a motion asked Evan to come inside.
“You weren’t supposed to find that..” she mumbled as she placed her diary onto her dining table, which was covered in study books and notebooks. “And I suppose I wasn’t supposed to read it either?” he asks as she suddenly starts to close all of the books on her dining table.
The only sound right now sounding through the room were study books and notebooks which were closing. “(Y/n)..” Evan sighed as she closed another book with a bang.
He firmly placed his hands onto the book she wanted to close, as he tried to make eye contact with her. “When were you going to tell me this? or send me this?” he asks. (Y/n) doesn’t make eye contact with him as she stopped in her movement. “Never…” she mumbled, barely audible.
(Y/n) let go of the book as she turned her back to Evan. Both her hands were curled up in fists. She squeezed her eyes closed as she felt Evan moving closer to her. “That letter.. was only to vent. Nothing more, nothing less.” she says.
A scoff left Evan’s mouth. It wasn’t just a vent. Everything she wrote down on that piece of paper was real, every feeling, every emotion. “Why didn’t you tell me that Taylor and I were your main reason you left Los Angeles?” he straight to the point asked her.
She softly closed her eyes, trying anything to stop the tears from leaving her eyes. The silence was deafening. Evan didn’t want to start a war, he just wanted answers. He placed his hand onto her shoulder, to give her some comfort. “I wanted you to be happy, because you deserve that. But I couldn’t stay, because if I did it would’ve ruined me even more” her trembling voice said as she turned around to face Evan.
“You were one of the things that makes me happy. The way you make fun of me. Or the way you never fail to make me smile. Sometimes you’d make me nervous and I’d forget what I wanted to say or I would stumble over my words..” He says as he placed his hand on her upper arm. “You are the one that makes me happy.” He continued.
“Buck…” she sighed as she sobbed through her smile. “It’s okay” he said as he took a step closer to her, they were so close. He could feel her breathing tickling his skin, and hear her breathing become faster within the second.
“There’s something else you forgot in Los Angeles..” he panted as their foreheads touched and their noses were inches away from each other. “And I’m not talking about your diary..” he continued as he softly traced his thumb over her cheek to get rid of the tears.
“Buck I-” but without any warning, Evan’s lips crashed into hers, completely cutting off her sentence. Her chin was caught between Evan’s thumb and index finger, as her hand found its way to the back of his head, pulling his short curls.
This was the right person, with now the right time.
#911#911 fox#911 abc#911 imagine#buck imagine#buck x reader#evan buckley imagine#evan buckley x reader#evanbuckley#imagine
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Surreal
part 5 of rivals
Jo gets to celebrate winning her first World Cup with not only the national team and New York, but also her niece's birthday.
3,336 words
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I grinned as the final whistle was blown. There were really only two people who I was looking for. I didn’t even have to really search as I was wrapped in a hug after just a few moments.
After Becky let me go, I was wrapped in another hug. But this time, I was lifted off of my feet. I grinned as I turned to look at Alyssa.
“I thought you didn’t like hugs.”
I had quickly learned that Alyssa wasn’t really one for much physical contact. Not that I had minded. Becky would give me all the hugs I wanted.
“I think this calls for one.”
I pulled the two in a proper hug this time. But when I let go of them this time, Becky was pushing me toward some of the others.
“Go,” Becky said. She gave me another push. “Go. Go crazy with Kelley or Pinoe.”
My grin widen at that. I was quick to take off before I was crashing into Christen and Tobin first. The two gave me a hug before we were quick to talk about our plans for celebrating now.
“You know that you can’t have any alcohol, right?” Christen said as she looked down at me. I nodded at that. It had been a topic of discussion that I had with the coaches in the previous days. “No champagne. No beer. None of it.”
“I know,” I groaned. It was kind of unfair that the rest of my team would get to celebrate while I had to sit out of the drinking. But I knew that I would still have a fun time. “Can I at least spray the champagne?”
“Of course!” Tobin said as she pulled me closer. Christen was already shaking her head and opening her mouth to argue. “We’ll make sure she doesn’t drink any, Chris. But spraying the champagne won’t hurt anyone.”
Christen closed her mouth at that. I didn’t miss the slight glare she sent Tobin’s way, but I didn’t have much time to comment on it as this time it was Tobin pushing me away.
“Go tell Kelley and Pinoe that you’re gonna be the first to do it. They’ll both wanna do it, so tell them you get to since you can’t drink,” Tobin said.
I immediately nodded my head as I took off to tell the others. I had faltered slightly when Christie overheard what Tobin said that I could do. The two of us even getting into a slight argument which I won with support from both Kelley and Pinoe who had even agreed that they wouldn’t try to sneak me any alcohol if I was allowed to be the first one to spray the champagne in the locker room.
Once that was decided, I was directed to the sidelines for an interview. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as the mic was placed in front of me.
“Congratulations on becoming the youngest player to ever win a World Cup at sixteen years and a hundred and twenty-seven days. What’s going through your head right now?”
“I don’t even know!” I chuckled. It was true. It was really hard trying to sort my thoughts right now. “I’m just really happy that we won! I know that Jill had received a lot of criticism for choosing to bring me to the World Cup, so to just be able to silence all of those doubters it’s a really good feeling and I’m glad I got to do it with this team.”
“What was the key to making the most of your time on the pitch?”
“Yeah, you know, I knew going in that I wouldn’t being seeing an insane amount of time on the field, so I knew that I had to make every chance count. Jill had laid out the game plan to me for the group stage months in advance, so I was prepared to do everything I could to make sure we succeeded there, and we did.”
“You played in five matches out of the seven that the team played. You started in two of them. What’s that like?”
“Surreal. There’s no better way to describe it. Even just starting a match at my age is absolutely insane. I knew that Jill wanted to start me against Nigeria, but then to have the chance again when we played Colombia in the Round of 16, of all places, is exhilarating. I just feel bad for my club teammates cause this is all I’m going to yap about for months.”
“All right, well, thank you for your time and congratulations again on the win today.”
Instead of being ushered to where the rest of the team was, I ended up being pulled along with Carli and Hope. I was confused by the decision because I knew that I hadn’t won the Bronze Boot because I had only scored four goals, so I was just out of contention for that. There was no way I played enough time to be in talks to receive the Golden Ball.
“Friends, we congratulate the winner of the Best Young Player award, Jo Knox!”
I froze for a moment before Hope pushed me forward. I glanced back at her and Carli, who were both urging me forward.
I snapped out of my shock since I hadn’t even been warned that I was nominated for the award. I was quick to make my way up to the stage. I shook the hands of the FIFA officials that I passed before I was handed the award. I turned to see where the rest of the team was before I held the award up. That only caused the team to cheer even louder for me. At least until I was ushered off the stage.
I waited to the side of the stage as the other awards were handed out before I got a picture with Carli and Hope as they both had won awards as well. Once that was wrapped up, we were lined up with the rest of the team to receive our medals. I couldn’t contain my excitement as I wiggle to the music that was playing as everyone in front of me had their medals placed around their necks before I was walking the stage again shaking hands with all the officials from FIFA and even the USSF officials that were here before the medal was placed around my neck.
Becky was quick to pull me into her side as I stood next to her and Kelley. I chattered aimlessly with Kelley until Alex had gotten her medal and then Kelley was quick to attach herself to Alex. It was long after that when we had all received our medals. Christie stepped up to take a hold of the trophy from the FIFA president.
We all cheered and jumped up and down when Christie and Abby lifted the trophy. With the trophy being passed around it wasn’t long before we were headed into the locker room to start our real celebrations. I had even made sure that I would be the first one into the locker room and grabbed the first pair of goggles that I could.
I waited until Kelley and Pinoe had made their way in before spraying them with the champagne in my hands to their surprise. It led to the rest of the team cheering and laughing at the two. But it wasn’t long until they got me back as they both sprayed me with champagne. But as promised, I kept away from drinking any of the alcohol that was passed around the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I grinned as I stood on the float with the others. I looked out at everyone who was here to celebrate with us. I knew that most of my teammates had already had a couple of drinks and you could tell in the way that they were so freely dancing on the float.
I still hadn’t drunk any kind of alcohol as promised to Christie after our win. That didn’t mean I didn’t celebrate just as hard as the rest of my teammates. I was just able to actually remember what had happened the next night.
I got distracted from watching Kelley chug the beer she had in her hand once I spotted someone familiar looking in the crowd. I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing things correctly.
Spoiler alert.
I wasn’t.
As I looked at the young girl, I realized that she just looked eerily similar to Sky. I soon focused on the shirt she was wearing, and it only made me smile at just how similar she was to Sky because it was a shirt with me on it. Then I had the chance to read the sign in her hands.
Before anyone could stop me, I was jumping down from the float despite all of my teammates yelling out in protest. I darted to where the girl was. She couldn’t seem to stop waving as I got closer.
“Hi,” I greeted, “I’m Jo.”
“I know! You’re my favorite player! Look, I made this shirt!”
My grin got wider as I took in just all the pictures that were on the shirt. Most of them were from goal celebrations but there was a couple from random videos that the USSF had put out that I was in.
“I made you one too!”
This time it was the girl’s father who passed the shirt over to me. I took it from the man before looking at the front of the shirt before pulling it over my head.
“If you have a pen, I’ll sign yours if you’ll sign mine.”
The girl perked up at that as the man handed over a sharpie to me. I quickly signed the girl’s shirt before letting her sign mine. I grinned at the name that was now on my new shirt. Andy Thompson.
“You’ve just made her day,” the man said. I looked up to meet his eyes as I sent him a soft smile. “Thank you.”
“You guys have made my day too,” I told them. I really couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “I don’t tend to get a ton of attention from the fans so to have someone give me a custom shirt means a lot.”
I got a picture with Andy before I moved to take off to get back to the float.
“I wanna be just like you when I grow up.”
I froze at that. I had gotten used to hearing it from Sky. But to hear it from someone who wasn’t related to me? That had me absolutely floored.
My eyes darted up to meet the girl’s. And all I could see was Sky telling me of her dreams of following in my footsteps. I knew that this was what I wanted to really define my career. How many young girls I eventually inspired to play the sport that I loved so much.
“Who knows, Andy Thompson? Maybe one day I’ll get to watch you playing in a World Cup alongside my niece.”
With that I gave Andy a wave before running back toward the float. It took me a moment once I caught up to it to get back onto it. I didn’t even mind as I was scolded by Becky and Alyssa for getting off in the first place as I showed off the shirt I had gotten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can I see it? Can I see it? Can I see it? Can I see it?”
Sky’s voice came through the house before I even saw her. I grinned as she came barreling out the back door and into the yard. I opened my arms up as I crouched down. Sky was still chanting to see the medal as she ran into my arms, and I lifted her up.
I didn’t stop Sky as she reached out to pick the medal up off of my chest.
“Can I bite it?”
I chuckled at that but nodded none the less.
“Not too hard though,” I said softly, causing Sky to stop just before she could bite the medal. She tilted her head. “If you bite it super hard then you’ll leave teeth marks. Gold is a pretty soft metal so if you really bite it then you’ll damage it.”
Sky nodded before she softly bit the medal.
“One day, I’m gonna win my own.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“Will you come watch?”
“You play in the World Cup?” I asked Sky. She quickly nodded as she dropped the gold medal so that it fell back against my chest. “Who knows? Maybe if you’re good enough to make the team before I retire, we could win one together?”
Sky started to wiggle in my arms as her face lit up. I didn’t hesitate to put her down before she was pulling me toward the makeshift goal we had in the backyard.
“Come on! You gotta help me get better.”
I grinned as I tucked the medal into my shirt so that it wouldn’t get in my way as I helped Sky practice her shots. There weren’t a lot of skills that Sky could really get the hang of just yet since she didn’t have the coordination, but I helped her with the few skills she could do.
Neither of us had bothered to pay attention as the rest of our family started to decorate the backyard for the party we were having. That was until Sky’s friends started arriving. Once they did, I imagine I began to feel how Marley usually felt once Sky spotted me since I was left by myself with no explanation.
I didn’t mind though as I moved to join where most of my siblings were. Most of them were talking about their plans for the rest of summer. I knew that my summer would be filled with joining the national team for the Victory Tour. A couple of my teammates had also been talking about making sure I got the chance to watch them in the NWSL this summer.
“So, when are you going to be training with Mia Hamm?”
I furrowed my brow as I was snapped from my thoughts about what my own summer would look like. My eyes found Stevie who had been the one to ask me the question.
“What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about?” Stevie asked as everyone turned to look at us. “Everyone’s calling you the next Mia Hamm.”
“I don’t know why they are,” Hendrix added on. I sunk in my chair at that. I had heard similar stuff plenty of times from him, Elvis, and Mick since I joined the national team. “You only started two games at the World Cup.”
“I’m sixteen,” I defended. Not only was I younger than Mia had been when she was at her first World Cup, but Mia had been playing with the team for four years by that time. “I still played in five games. I’m three years younger than Mia Hamm was during her first World Cup. And I scored two more goals than she did in her first World Cup. Besides, I’m not Mia Hamm. I shouldn’t be compared to her because our journeys are different and I'm playing in a different time of the game anyways.”
“Because you know you’ll never be as good as her.”
I rolled my eyes Hendrix.
“Because I know I’ll never develop into the same player that Mia Hamm was. That doesn’t mean I won’t ever be as good as Mia was. It just means that the team doesn’t need me to be Mia Hamm,” I said. I didn’t understand why it was so hard for my brothers to grasp that I didn’t need to be compared to Mia Hamm to be one of the best players. “If I ever do get to train with Mia Hamm, it’ll be a great experience, but I’ve got a team full of world class players that help me out in the meantime.”
The boys stayed quiet for a moment as I glanced down at my empty cup. I knew that if I wanted to get away from them, I should just use the excuse. But I gave it an extra moment to see if any of them would try to apologize or at least something similar since I had never had any of my siblings tell me sorry in my life.
None of them did. I took it as my cue to get up.
I refilled my drink, but I also made sure to distance myself from my brothers. Hanging around my sisters wasn’t bad. At least they didn’t throw insults at me like my brothers. They just weren’t that interested in soccer.
But I spent most of the party pretty much on the side even as a few people offered me their congratulations on my win at the World Cup. I didn’t really mind, but it would have been nice if at least my siblings had made an effort to spend time with me. I knew that most of my older siblings weren’t entirely sure what to do with me since there was such an age gap and most of the others were just closer to the siblings their ages. Which is what made it so unfortunate that Hendrix, Elvis, and Mick were the closest to me in age.
When Sky had told me at the end of the party that she was going to have a sleepover with me, it made up for the lack of attention from my siblings.
“Did you like your cake?”
I was taken back by Sky’s question as we were laying in my bed.
“Go to sleep, Sky.”
“You liked the cake though? I asked Mom to make sure it was red velvet cause I know that’s your favorite.”
I furrowed my brow at that. There hadn’t been a red velvet cake. It was something I only ever got for my birthday.
“Your cake was good. Well, as good as a vanilla cake can be.”
Sky stayed quiet after that for a moment before she had suddenly rolled on top of me. I let out a grunt as Sky looked down at me.
“Why didn’t you eat your cake? Mom said that they would get you a cake to celebrate too.”
“Sky, my birthday was in February. It was months ago. Why would we celebrate.”
Sky furrowed her brow as I could see her getting concerned.
“You won a World Cup. Why wouldn’t we celebrate?”
I sighed at Sky’s question. She obviously still hadn’t picked up on just how our family had worked.
“It’s okay, Sky. It’s important that your birthday was separated from celebrating the World Cup.”
“No. No, it isn’t. Mom said that we weren’t going to do anything for you,” Sky said as she shook her head. “I asked. I asked her if we could celebrate you too. Cause the whole family was here. It’s important. It’s important that we all celebrate you winning. I want to.”
“Sky...”
“No! You deserve cake for winning. Cause you’re my hero. And you did something no one else in our family has done.”
I sighed as I sat up so that I could face Sky in a more comfortable position.
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “I promise. I still have the Victory Tour to celebrate. And I got to be part of a ticker tape parade. I promise my win isn’t going uncelebrated.”
“You still deserve cake.”
“Then how about we make one tomorrow?”
“Can we?”
“If you want to.”
“I’d like that. Can we smash some into the twins faces?”
I chuckled at that. I knew that Jo hadn’t liked how Elvis and Mick had talked about me and how they always seemed to be putting me down.
“Sure, but after we eat a piece first. Or else they won’t let us have any.”
“Deal!”
#uswnt imagine#woso imagine#leah williamson imagine#uswnt x reader#woso x reader#leah williamson x reader#uswnt imagines#woso imagines#leah williamson imagines#uswnt#woso#leah williamson
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idk if it sounds selfish but i need more comfort in my life rn, so i wanna ask for help.
if it's not really a big deal, i wanna see some comfort between alastor and reader when they were teens. maybe after he already told her that he wants to marry her, and something made her feel insecure and bad about herself. so she called Marie and ask Alastor to come, so she could lie down in his arms and listen him telling her that he loves her anyway.
or any other plots because I'll be okay with everything if it's fluff. thank you.
Of course dearest, anything for you to feel better. For those who will notice it, their last sentence is from the song “ Follow You” by Bring me the Horizon. I love this song and I thought it was pretty fitting. So here ,my dear, this scenario isn’t very long but I hope it will make you feel better.
Follow You
You were coming back from school, trying to contain your tears.
You had told Alice about Alastor’s wedding proposal and she was excited for you but some other girls heard you and made fun of you. How could a man see you desirable enough to be his wife? Most of the time, you didn’t care about their vile words, but you didn’t know why, today it was hurtful. Of course, Alice had taken your side immediately swearing at them like a sailor.
You didn’t greet your parents as you went immediately into your bedroom, hiding yourself under the blankets. You couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror. Were you even worth being Alastor’s wife? He would always say you were “endearingly stupid”, did it mean he saw you as a stupid girl? Was he manipulating you?
Were you worth being special to someone’s heart?
You jerked your head up as you heard a knock on your window. You wiped your eyes and saw Alastor, his fist against the glass, staring at you. You opened the window quickly, scared he would fall.
“ Alastor, what are you doing here?”
“ I heard my mother talking with yours through the telephone, saying you didn’t feel well, so I came to check on you.” he entered your room, looking at you. You saw his eyes stopped at your tearied one. You tried to look away but he gripped your face, making sure he could watch your expression. “ Who?”
“ What..?”
“ Who made you cry?” he said with a gentle smile but his eyes had a dark glint.
“ No one.. It’s just… Am I worth it , Alastor?”
You gasped as Alastor forced you to lay on your bed, pushing something soft in your arms. Looking down on it you almost cried some more as you saw Eamon staring back at you. You squeezed it against your chest as Alastor laid next to you, observing your face.
“ Dearest, you’re just like a jewel. Being desired by people and those who can't have you are jealous. You are like a fresh breeze in summer, so short and yet so welcomed. You are much more than how you perceive yourself.”
“ But.. I feel like I’m going to be a useless wife…”
“ Hah! You, my dear, a useless wife? You could be doing nothing at home, as long as you are waiting for me, I would feel the happiest. But why would you think that? You have always been to my side, always accepted me. Why would I choose someone else to be next to me for my entire life? How could I look at anyone else now that my eyes have seen you?”
“ Alastor.. Do you love me…?”
He looked perplexed but wrapped his arms around your body, staring at your eyes without blinking.
“ I don’t know what love is about. But if loving you is wanting to devour you all, to protect you, you have your attention on me all the time, then I guess.. that I love you. But please, dearest, remember that even though I adore you, more than anything, my love is tainted with darkness. No matter how much I’m obsessed with you, I’ll drag you down to hell with me. I'm telling you, you're all I need, I promise you, you're all I see. I’ll never leave.” he stared at you, waiting for your answer.
“ I’ll follow you.’ you breathed, staring at his chocolate eyes. “So dig two graves because when you die, I swear I'll be leaving by your side. So you can drag me through hell, I’ll follow you.” you smiled sweetly at him as he beamed at your words, his cheeks flushed. He squeezed you against his body, Eamon between the both of you.
You would always be together, the both of you. Alastor would always be by your side, like a curse, clawing at you to keep you from leaving, even if you would never think such a thing.
Your love was twisted, tainted in dark obsession but it was perfect for the both of you. Maybe people wouldn’t consider it as love, but you knew deep inside, Alastor would always chase after you if you were to run away. If you were to run away because of your feelings, your fears, everything, the only person who would chase you would be Alastor. And you knew he would never stop.
He would follow you.
#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel alastor x reader#alastor headcanons#alastor scenarios#alastor scenario#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel imagine#alastor x you#hazbin alastor#hazbin alastor x reader#hazbin hotel fluff#fanfiction#alastor fanfiction#fiction#alastor fiction#human alastor#human alastor x reader#hazbin hotel fan fiction#hazbin hotel#painted smile#painted smile series#confort
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So I was think of pining Katara I desperately need more pining Katara fics. So the prompt is pining Katara in Ember Island being just a tennager trying to make sense of a pretty boy
Hey Anon! When you said “ember island” I’m sure you meant during the ember island players. HOWEVER, I think the headcanon that Zuko dropped Katara off at Ember Island after TSR and her realizing her feelings THEN would also be hella cute!
Enjoy~
“You sure you’ll be alright by yourself?”
“Yeah, I just need some time alone.”
“Alright… I’ll be back with the others by sundown.”
Zuko began to walk back to Appa, who had just groggily woken up.
“Zuko?” Katara called, once he was secured on the flying bison. She didn’t turn to him, she barely even acknowledged him. But she still called out to him.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” and with that, Katara could hear the sound of Appa leaving the ground and flying away. Now, she was by herself, alone with only her thoughts. She had at least twelve hours to herself before Zuko came back with the rest of their friends.
Hours one and two:
Katara decided to spend the first two hours or so walking along the beach of ember island. The sun was still rising in the horizon, which was able to give Katara some sense of calm. She continued to walk until her feet started to hurt, then she walked all the way back to camp.
Hour three:
Katara sat at the edge of the dock massaging her feet and stretching her legs. She hummed an old hymn her mother used to sing to her when she was little.
Then she remembered Yon Rha. And after hours upon hours of her night already thinking about him and what she could’ve done, she cried.
She cried louder than she had ever let herself. No one was around to hear or judge her, so she cried even louder. She cried until her eyes were as sore as her feet, and then, when she finally gained control of her body again, she cried some more.
So many emotions that she had left under wraps for years came bubbling up and exploded, and she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop to the point where it physically hurt to continue. Even more, she couldn’t stop because it felt so good to let it out.
Katara came to the conclusion that she was an ugly crier.
Hour four:
Once Katara had finally calmed down, she walked into a nearby lake to wash herself off. The ocean was too salty for her to feel like she was properly cleaning herself, so she found an abandoned lake to lay in. She sunk under the water until she was only breathing out of her nose and closed her eyes.
An image of Zuko flashes across her mind, if only for a second, and Katara shot up. Why would she think about him now of all times?
She scowled and got out of the lake, it had been ruined now anyway.
Hour five:
Katara decided to make herself lunch by the beach. She caught a fish and used Sokka’s fire starting technique to cook it. She thought about how much easier it would be to cook if she had Zuko’s fire.
Hour six:
She just couldn’t get Zuko out of her mind! What was wrong with her!?
Maybe it was because he actually encouraged her to face her mother’s attacker instead of telling her to just forgive him. Maybe it was that he empathized with her pain instead of separating himself from it. Or maybe it’s just that he was there when she needed someone to be.
Hour seven:
She felt really bad about what she said to Sokka, she needed to apologize to him when they got back.
Hour eight:
She can’t stop thinking about that one time she grazed Zuko’s lips while in the catacombs. How she had laid her hand on his scar in sympathy and grace, and how her thumb had just lightly touched his lips, and how soft they felt.
Hour nine:
She wonders what Zuko might’ve looked like had he been in the lake with her washing off.
Hour ten:
She stares up at the sky and the changing of the tides by the beach. She smiles.
Hour eleven:
She thinks about confronting Aang and Sokka when they get back. Also Zuko, maybe a little bit too much Zuko.
The more she thinks about it all, the more her face hardens. She wonders if Aang and Sokka will understand. She wonders if they’ll listen.
She goes to the end of the dock and holds her arm in her hand.
Hour twelve:
Zuko, Toph, Aang, and Sokka all arrive not long after the twelfth hour has passed. Aang goes up to her and tells her he’s proud she chose forgiveness.
“You’re wrong. I didn’t forgive him, and I don’t think I ever will.” She pushes past Aang who stands alone and climbs up Appa. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Zuko walk up to Aang.
“You were right-“
She turns her head around and blocks their conversation out.
She can’t cry now.
#atla#zutara#atla katara#atla zuko#avatar the last airbender#katara#zuko#fanfiction#katara x zuko#zuko x katara#fanfic#the southern raiders#s03e16
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You Can Find Me Where the Skies are Blue (BuckTommy fic) - 7/7
Summary:
Soulmates are rare. So rare that it's actually incredible that Buck has two soulmate couples in his life. Statistics tell him it's very unlikely for him to meet his soulmate. Of course, then he meets Tommy. Too bad it happens at the worst possible moment.
Canon compliant soulmate AU where Buck is still a mess and Tommy is still very understanding.
Words: 6,258
Rating: M (this applies to part of this chapter only...I've put *** around the section)
Ao3
Part One - Part Two - Part Three
Part Four - Part Five - Part Six
-
Part Seven
“So, tell me about your couch,” Tommy said.
Evan set his cup of coffee down after a sip. “I told you about Ali,” Evan said.
Tommy nodded. “Your ex…the one that picked out your apartment.”
Evan nodded.
“Did she also pick out your furniture and forget to get a couch?” Tommy asked, tilting his head to the side as a sign that he was mostly trying to be funny.
Evan rolled his eyes. “She did help pick most of it out. I did need the help. It was my first real apartment and I had no idea what I was doing. She did pick out a very nice couch. It was very comfortable.”
Tommy had more questions because there was so much that Evan wasn’t filling in and he didn’t know what to ask first. Instead, he let Evan continue.
“I spent a lot of time on that couch after she broke up with me,” Evan said. “The reality of my job hit her pretty hard. And I hated my place…I thought about moving, but that would have been harder. Those stairs do not mix well with a cast.”
“A cast?” Tommy asked.
He immediately hated the idea of Evan hurt. It came with the territory though. Tommy had had his own share of injuries over the years, more so when he was a firefighter than a pilot, but they still did happen.
Buck nodded. “I, uh, I don’t know if you heard about it. I was crushed under a ladder truck. My leg took the brunt of it.”
Things clicked for Tommy quickly. He did remember that, watching it on the news because it was his old firehouse and he’d been so worried for Hen and Chim and Bobby. He hadn’t known it was Evan and oh…Evan had been injured and his girlfriend had left him. She left him to sit in the apartment she’d picked out, on the couch that she had bought because his bedroom was up the stairs and it wouldn’t have made any sense for Evan to stay up there. Tommy hated it. He hated what Evan had gone through and on top of that being left by the person that was supposed to be there taking care of him.
“So you got rid of it?” Tommy asked.
“No. It was very comfortable. I had it for a few years and then I asked Taylor to move in. That was a mistake. She, uh, she said she had a superior couch and I didn’t fight her on that. So we got rid of mine. When we broke up, she took it with her.”
“This was your last girlfriend?” Tommy asked.
Evan shook his head. “The one that came before. Taylor’s the one that wrote the book.”
“And you didn’t replace it since?” Tommy asked.
Evan actually chuckled as he shook his head. “Not for a while. When I was struck by lightning, my parents were visiting. My mom got me a new couch. It wasn’t comfortable and it didn’t go with the apartment but it was a nice thought. So, I wasn’t upset when I had to deliver a baby on it.”
Tommy was still trying to think about Evan’s parents and their involvement. They hadn’t really talked about them much, not that Tommy had discussed his own family history. He was so focused on that part of what Evan had said that it took him a moment to try to explain why there had been a pregnant woman in Evan’s apartment. He couldn’t find a reason.
“You delivered a baby on your couch,” Tommy said.
Evan nodded. His cheeks had gone pink and he looked like he was trying to talk himself into saying something. Tommy just watched and he saw when Evan steeled himself.
“Hey,” Tommy said, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Evan smiled. “I want to. I, uh, I’m a sperm donor,” he said. “Well, not in general, but I did donate sperm for my friend Conor and his wife. Cameron was upset with Conor and she was at my place when her water broke. I delivered their baby right on the couch. Got rid of it soon after.”
Tommy didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to form any words, instead he just stared at Evan. Suddenly, he understood why Evan had said it was a long story and maybe it even explained why he hadn’t yet gotten a replacement. He was also a little stuck on Evan being a sperm donor. There was a kid out there with his DNA, one that probably even looked a little like him and Evan had even helped the mother give birth.
“How…how do you feel about that?” Tommy asked.
Evan shrugged his shoulders. “You know, there was a moment when I was holding the baby where I felt so much longing for him and then I gave him to Cameron and she loved him so much. She and Conor will give him such a good life because they wanted him so much. I mean, I hadn’t spoken to Conor for years before he called so I know I was something of a long shot, but they called anyway. They wanted him so badly. I don’t regret it.”
Tommy could tell that he meant it. Evan really was just that wonderful. He was admirable and Tommy knew not many people could do what he’d done.
“How long ago was that?” Tommy asked.
“A few months back.”
“And you never replaced the couch,” Tommy said with a grin.
“Ah, no. I did go look at a few with Natalia, but I didn’t find any that I liked.”
“There is so much to unwrap here,” Tommy said. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Evan just smiled. “I know,” he said. “You know, Chris makes fun of me for not having a couch, granted it’s partly because we can’t have any sleepovers.”
“We’ll fix that, Evan,” Tommy said, smiling at him. “We’ll find you a new couch.”
“Now,” Evan said, “it’s time for you to tell me something. Anything.”
Tommy grinned back. “Well,” he said, “is there anything you want to know specifically?”
“Uh, how…how did you know you were gay?” Evan asked it and then hid his face behind his coffee.
Tommy smiled easily. It was a little wild to him that Evan had only really come to terms with his own sexuality the night before. It hadn’t even been twenty four hours. Part of the way he was reacting was the soulmate thing, but Tommy had still tried to keep some distance between them when they got to the restaurant to not make it obvious just in case. In his experience, most people were accepting. They didn’t care about strangers when they had their own problems to deal with. But in a crowd of many, sometimes the one or two assholes were the loudest. The last thing Tommy wanted was to expose Evan to that, not that it wouldn’t happen eventually.
“Looking back, I think I knew pretty early,” Tommy said. “I didn’t get all the excitement about girls and then sometimes I did notice a guy and that was different. I knew gay people existed, obviously, but I didn’t think that was me. I hated it. I didn’t have anyone to turn to and my parents are very religious. I pushed myself to date girls…some attempt at being normal. I deluded myself into thinking that everyone was faking the excitement about dating…it wasn’t until the first time I kissed a guy that I knew.”
“Wow,” Evan said. “It wasn’t easy, then.”
“Not at all, Evan. I told myself lies for a long time. Sometimes to protect myself and other times because it was easier. You’re just coming to terms with who you’ve always been…I knew and I refused to acknowledge it for a long time.”
“Oh,” Evan said. “And your…your parents?”
Tommy chuckled. “I haven’t spoken to them in years. Don’t need to. Don’t intend to.”
“They weren’t accepting,” Evan said. “I’m so sorry, Tommy.”
“Don’t be. They’re religious in a bad way. It took me a long time to realize how much of what they said I internalized. How much it kept harming me. I’m better off without them.”
Tommy drank a gulp of his coffee. He hadn’t expected heavy conversation on what was meant to be their first date, but at the same time it was good to get it out of the way. Evan was watching him, small smile playing on his lips, and it was a reminder that their pasts wouldn’t mar who they were now or what they could be for each other.
“You know,” Evan said, “you might just beat me on bad parents. Though, I have no idea how they will react to this. I guess we’ll find out at the wedding.”
“Wedding?” Tommy asked.
Evan blushed. “Sorry,” he said. “I should have asked…will you be my date to my sister’s wedding?”
Tommy nodded at once. With anyone else it would have felt too soon and too quick.
“Of course, Evan. You won’t tell them before that?” Tommy asked.
“No,” Even said decidedly. “They’re, uh, not horrible people or anything. They were awful parents, but they’ve been trying because of Jee and some other things. They did buy me that couch.”
“The one you haven’t replaced,” Tommy said.
Evan laughed. “Yeah. It’s, uh, it’s complicated with them. Maybe if we’re lucky, Maddie will tell them for us.”
“Does Maddie even know about me?” Tommy asked.
Evan shook his head. “She knows I found my soulmate. I’ll tell her soon. Her, I’m not too worried about.”
Tommy couldn’t tell if that meant that Evan was actually worried about his parents or not. It almost seemed like he barely wanted to interact with them at all and Tommy could easily understand that.
They left when they finished their coffee, Tommy walking behind Evan and allowing his eyes to look at the way that Evan walked, how the jeans he was wearing hugged his ass just right. He really was too gorgeous for words and it was made so much better by who he was too. Tommy was in awe of him.
“What’s the rest of your day look like?” Evan asked.
“I do have a shift later, but clear otherwise.”
“Eddie didn’t call to make plans,” Evan said. “No street fighting or flights to Vegas.”
Tommy chuckled. “No, Evan.”
“It’s nice you guys get along, actually. My soulmate and my best friend.”
It hadn’t been a full day since they figured everything out. They had kissed for the first time the night before. Everything was insanely new and yet, somehow, it just felt so right. Especially when Evan grabbed his hand as if he did it all the time, or when he brought it up to his lips to press a kiss to Tommy’s knuckles that left his hand tingling.
—
“I have something to tell you,” Buck said. He fiddled with the lid of his coffee cup and watched Maddie.
His sister paused across the island from him. “Everything okay?” she asked, head tilted and a worry frown appearing on her forehead.
“It’s…well, actually everything is great,” Buck said.
She stared him down and Buck was aware, a little too aware, how well his sister knew him and how she could probably tell that he was ridiculously nervous and worried. He didn’t even know why, because it was Maddie and Maddie wouldn’t judge him or anything and yet that didn’t change how difficult it was.
“What happened?” Maddie asked.
Buck gulped. “Well, I told you I met my soulmate.”
Maddie nodded and suddenly she was smiling. “Oh. Is this an update? I’ve been meaning to ask, but it’s been a bit crazy with the wedding and everything.”
“Uh. Yeah. Yeah. It is. We figured everything out, Maddie. It’s really…it’s amazing.”
“I’m so happy for you, Evan,” Maddie said. “When do I get to meet her? Tell me it’ll be before the wedding.”
“About that,” Buck said, looking away from Maddie and taking a moment.
“Buck?”
Buck looked back up. “Yes, you can meet him before the wedding. It’s just that you might be a little…I don’t know, I was shocked so I can understand if you are too, but — oh, this is hard. It’s just that it isn’t what I expected and—”
Maddie lifted a hand, cutting him off. “You said him,” she said. “Your soulmate is a guy.”
Buck inhaled a breath and he nodded quickly. “Yeah.”
“Oh. Wow,” Maddie said and then found Buck’s gaze. “I don’t think I ever expected you could lean in that direction. It’s not — it’s not a bad thing. I just—”
“Didn’t expect it,” Buck said. “Yeah, me either. I’m bisexual, Maddie.”
Maddie smiled, then, and he could tell that she was just taking a moment to process. He didn’t blame her, it had taken him long enough to figure it out. That was especially so when considering how deluded he’d been for a little bit there. He’d been so convinced that it would be platonic and he was so glad to be wrong.
“I’m proud of you, Evan,” Maddie said. Her voice was full of emotion. “What’s, uh, what’s his name?” Maddie asked.
“It’s, uh, it’s Tommy,” Buck said.
“Tommy,” Maddie repeated.
Buck could see that she was putting it together, so he waited.
“The, uh, the pilot. The one that flew you guys out to the cruise ship. That’s when you met. Oh my god, that’s…wow.”
“I know,” Buck said. “He’s amazing, Maddie. Not just because he’s my soulmate but he’s just so confident and strong and did I mention how hot he is? I can’t stop thinking about him all the time. I had no clue it could be like this.”
One week since he’d kissed him and Buck hadn’t known a time when he was as excited about someone as he was about Tommy. Tommy still made him nervous, he made him blush and he made him giddy.
“I can’t wait to meet him,” Maddie said.
“He’s excited to meet you too,” Buck said. “Would have brought him over today except he had plans.”
“Where is he now?”
“At a pick up basketball game with Eddie,” Buck said with a roll of his eyes. “Now I have two of them trying to get me to go.”
Maddie grinned. “Do they know you don’t like basketball?”
“Who doesn’t like basketball?” Chim asked, entering the kitchen and heading to the fridge.
“Me,” Buck said.
Chimney grinned at him when he closed the fridge door. “Oh, is Eddie still trying to get you to go with him? I thought he said he was going with Tommy.”
“He did,” Buck said.
“Tommy’s so cool,” Chim said. “You know, he flew Eddie to see a fight in Vegas two weeks ago. We should hang out with him more, Maddie. I can’t believe I didn’t invite him to the wedding.”
“I’d really like to meet him,” Maddie said. “I’ve heard so much about him.”
Buck shared a look with Maddie. On the one hand, he knew it’d be a little funny for Chimney to find out about him and Tommy at the wedding, but on the other hand, Buck didn’t think he could keep it in for much longer.
“About that,” he said.
“What?” Chim asked. “What’s going on?”
“You know how Maddie asked you to add a plus one for me.”
Chimney coughed. “Yeah…very inconvenient Buck. It’s why we had RSVPs and you didn’t check the box. You have to check the plus one box, Buck. Don’t tell me you changed your mind. That is too late. I don’t care who you bring…you have to bring someone and Ravi doesn’t count, he has his own invitation. Just don’t invite the death doula. We don’t need that kind of energy at our wedding.”
Buck shared another look with Maddie.
“Spit it out, Buck,” Chim said.
He took a breath. Then, he just said it: “My plus one is Tommy,”
He saw the confusion cross Chim’s face and he didn’t seem to get very far in trying to figure out why, before he turned to Buck.
“I thought he’s been hanging out with Eddie, not you. And I only introduced you to Tommy the night we flew out into that hurricane. What’s…what’s going on?”
“Tommy is my soulmate,” Buck said.
That brought Chimney up short. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, eyes wide as he stared at Buck and then his eyes went to Maddie as if he was trying to figure out if she was somehow in on the joke with Buck.
“You’re pulling my leg,” he said. “How is that — wait, since when are you — wait, wait, I introduced the two of you! I did that!”
Buck laughed. “Yeah, Chim. I’m so glad you did.”
“So, does that mean you’re into guys now?”
Buck gave a quick nod. “I didn’t know I was, but it’s this thing that’s been missing for me and now I know. I’m bi.”
When he looked towards Maddie, he saw her actually wipe away a tear and it felt so good to know it was a happy tear and that he wasn’t making her cry for other reasons.
“Now we really have to hang out with Tommy more,” Chim said. “Welcome him to the family.”
“And we’re even,” Buck added.
Chim just laughed. “Yeah, Buck, I guess we are. Although…you know I did save his life once. He’s paid up on that favor, but you haven’t.”
Maddie reached over to hit Chim on the shoulder.
—
“I take it,” Lucy said, “things are going well. I mean, going by your good mood lately.”
Tommy rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Kinard, spill it.”
Tommy sighed. He’d told Lucy all about him and Evan finally getting the time to talk the last time he saw her. He didn’t tell her about how he’d messed up a bit, or how he’d had to cut a karaoke night short in order to get to Evan. Those were things she would never let go, but she knew that he and Evan were together.
“It’s going really well,” Tommy said. “He’s great.”
“And he’s into you,” Lucy said. “I don’t want to say I told you so…but I was right.”
Tommy just laughed. “In this single instance I’m glad you were right.”
A call came in, just then. Brushfire that was growing and might become something even bigger. Tommy gave Lucy a nod and then he was off. The copter he would take out was the one that they’d been filling up with the retardant he’d need to drop and so it was quick work and he was in the air in less than ten minutes.
The sky was blue, almost cloudless and Tommy loved it up there. He loved the freedom. He’d never quite managed to find that anywhere else. Even in the army, when he was flying into dangerous places and the chances were that they might get shot down, there had been something very liberating about lifting up into the air. He felt free with Evan. He felt like he was flying except his feet were on the ground.
—
Bobby was the one to remind Buck that he and his soulmate had to register the bond. The registry was to keep track of how many soulmate pairs existed, it helped with research. It also created a familial bond on paper. It wasn’t exactly mandatory, but it was useful. Buck was also well aware that for the jobs that they had it took care of a big thing: making each other their emergency contact.
He and Tommy had been together for three weeks. Buck had never before felt so settled and at ease. They hadn’t even done much more than kissing and hand holding. It was so chaste that Buck didn’t know if he could handle any more cold showers. He had never gone this slow in any relationship after his teen years. It was nice, though, even if the anticipation was just about killing him.
“I take it you figured everything out,” Bobby said, looking up from where he was chopping veggies.
“Yeah,” Buck said with a grin. “It’s not platonic after all.”
Bobby smiled and if he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “Glad to hear it. You deserve this, Buck.”
“I’m, uh, I’m bisexual, Bobby,” Buck said. “And my soulmate, it’s…my soulmate is Tommy. I met him the night we flew out to rescue you and Athena.”
Bobby set down the knife and his gaze was suddenly fixed on Buck. In the next moment he’d rounded the island and Buck was pulled into a tight hug that lasted several seconds before Bobby let him go.
“I am so proud of you, Buck. You’ve changed and grown so much since you first came in here. You know, you are a bit alike. I only worked with Tommy for a little while before he transferred. I don’t know him as well as I’d like, but I know he’s a good guy. Athena and I probably wouldn’t be here without him — or any of you, really. I’m happy for you both. You’ll have to bring him for dinner with Athena.”
“Uh, sure. Yeah. I’m sure he’ll love that. You know, he’s told me he missed your cooking.”
Bobby chuckled as he walked back to his cutting board. “I know you’ve perfected some of my recipes.”
“It’s not the same,” Buck said.
“We’ll plan for a night soon. Don’t forget to register the bond.”
“I won’t.”
“Won’t what?” Hen asked, taking the stool next to Buck’s.
“Won’t forget to register my soulmate bond,” Buck said.
“Oh, that,” Hen said. “There’s a lot of paperwork, but it’s easy. How, uh, how is it all going?”
It was going amazingly, better than any relationship that Buck had ever had beforehand. Some of it, he knew, was their compatibility — the thing that made them soulmates and just fully made for each other. Then, there was everything else.
“It was bumpy at first, but so far everything’s been great. He’s coming with me to the wedding. Probably the bachelor party too.”
Hen shook her head at once. “Hasn’t Chim already told you he doesn’t want one?”
“But it’s tradition,” Buck argued. “Bobby, tell her.”
Bobby shook his head and went back to chopping. “I’m not getting involved in this.”
Buck eyed both of them. “He is having a bachelor party.”
Hen just let out a sigh. “I’m not stopping you, Buck, but I’m also not getting involved in getting Chim to go to it when he doesn’t want it in the first place.”
Buck rolled his eyes. Chim would get on board once Buck explained his plan. There was a karaoke lounge they could go to and it could even be themed somehow. Chim deserved a party and not just because he was getting married…it was because he’d introduced Buck to Tommy and changed Buck’s entire life around. This wasn’t his wedding gift to them, but it was a gift to Chim.
—
“You finally wore him down,” Tommy said, not able to keep his amusement out of his voice.
“He wanted the party, just didn’t know it,” Evan said. “Only issue now is it took so long to get him to agree, the only day available at the place is the day before the wedding. We’ll make it work.”
“And that might keep it from getting out of hand,” Tommy said.
Evan nodded. “I promised Maddie he’d be in bed by one at the latest. It’s the only way she’s letting us do it that night.”
Tommy still wasn’t entirely clear on why Evan was pushing for a party that the groom didn’t even want, but he also liked how cute Evan was about the whole thing. He’d seen him making a list the other day and he didn’t know that sliders, drinks, and karaoke needed that much planning, but he was leaving Evan to it.
Evan finished cleaning the counter. The oven was on with the lasagna Evan had made them inside. A salad sat on the counter. It was already starting to smell good and Tommy was excited to try Evan’s version of one of Bobby’s recipes.
“How long until that’s ready?”
“Forty-five minutes,” Evan said.
“Good,” Tommy said, “I haven’t tried out your new couch yet.”
“It’s a couch,” Evan said, but followed him out of the kitchen.
“One where I haven’t kissed you yet,” Tommy said as he sat, sprawling himself on it because he could and because it was big enough for him to do so.
The couch was dark gray and a bit bulky in a way that meant it was easy to spread out across it. The cushions were just the right amount of soft. Evan had picked it out after agonizing over a few different options and it had only been delivered earlier that day. Tommy thought he’d chosen well.
“Come here,” Tommy said.
“Where, you’re taking up the whole thing,” Evan said with an amused chuckle.
Tommy reached for him, grabbing his hand and pulling lightly. Evan toppled on him a little harder than Tommy had planned, but he didn’t mind. He wrapped an arm around Evan’s back to keep him there and Evan situated himself until one of his legs was between Tommy’s, their torsos pressed together.
“What do you think?” Evan asked.
“About?”
“Couch?” Evan asked.
“I’ll tell you after,” Tommy said and drew him into a kiss, hand on Evan’s neck.
Kissing Evan would never get old, not when Evan was so enthusiastic and into it and not when he knew just how to drive Tommy crazy. It had been a full month since their first kiss and since they figured everything out and Evan had been driving him insane since then. Tommy had known from the start things wouldn’t go too fast between them, but Tommy was starting to feel like a teenager with the way his body was reacting to Evan.
Evan was new to being with a guy and Tommy knew first hand how it felt, so the last thing he wanted to do was pressure Evan into anything he wasn’t fully ready for. Not that Evan wasn’t eager. He kissed Tommy dirty, like he couldn’t wait to do more. A few times already they had both gotten more than a little carried away, biting love marks on each other’s necks and their hands wandering a bit south.
* * *
At the moment, Evan pulled away, reaching for Tommy’s shirt and dragging his hands over Tommy’s stomach and chest. The shirt, rucked up to his armpits, Evan bent down and he kissed Tommy’s stomach, teeth nipping lightly as he made his way up, pausing at the scar Tommy knew was there to brush light kisses over it and then after a slight moment of hesitation, his mouth was on Tommy’s nipple.
Tommy let out a sound that was half moan and half groan. Evan laughed and then he was back at Tommy’s lips, kissing him lightly.
“Okay?”
Tommy just kissed him again in answer.
They were so pressed together that it wasn’t difficult to feel Evan, not when he moved so much and when his hands were all over Tommy’s chest. And then, Evan sat back and he reached for his shirt and drew it up his body until it was off and Tommy had no idea where it landed because his eyes had more important things to be consumed by.
It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Evan shirtless, but this felt different. Purposeful. Evan was all hard panes and muscle.
“Evan,” he said, breathless and wanting.
“Tommy,” Evan said in return and the warm palms of his hands were on Tommy’s stomach, one finger catching on the trail of hair that went down into his pants towards his very hard and twitching dick.
Tommy gasped and Evan’s fingers made their way up his chest, palms rubbing lightly on his nipples and taking Tommy’s breath away. His fingers even traced the scar he’d kissed earlier.Tommy reached for him, hands landing on Evan’s hips. His skin was warm and soft and perfect. All of him was perfect.
“Shirt off,” Evan said.
Tommy had to sit up to make it happen, bringing him and Evan closer still and somehow Evan shifted his weight and he was straddling Tommy at the waist. When Tommy lay back again, Evan sat back and his ass was right there, right on Tommy’s very interested cock. Tommy groaned and Evan made a gasping but unsurprised noise as he leaned towards Tommy and their lips met again.
Tommy’s hands climbed up Evan’s back, feeling his shoulder blades and then down his sides until they were on the top of Evan’s jeans. Evan groaned into the kiss and Tommy’s hand slid down, grasping Evan’s ass, groping at him and grinding up into him almost involuntarily.
Evan moaned against his neck, his hot breath making Tommy shiver and then Evan moved and it didn’t matter that they were still wearing jeans and underwear, because even feeling him like that felt like enough.
Evan kissed up his jaw and then his neck and down, giving each of his nipples attention that had Tommy throwing his head back. Evan, the little shit, just grinned into Tommy’s skin as he just kept kissing down and down and down. He only looked up once he’d made it to the top of Tommy’s jeans.
“I want to see you,” Evan said, voice almost shy. His cheeks were pink, but his blue eyes shone.
Tommy almost couldn’t find words. He could only nod and watch as Evan’s fingers fumbled with the button and then the zipper. Tommy helped him drag his jeans down some and he felt Evan pause.
“Hey,” he said and Evan’s eyes were on him again. “At your pace, right? You don’t have to do anything.”
“Right,” Evan said and he leaned over to kiss him again. “I want you so much, Tommy.”
Tommy had no idea where the self-restraint came from when Evan finally fumbled with moving Tommy’s underwear out of the way until his cock was out, tip more than a little wet and oh so absolutely hard.
“Oh,” Evan said and then his hand was there touching the skin around his dick…exploring. Teasing.
Tommy groaned too loud when Evan’s hand finally wrapped around him, moving and grasping in the most delicious way, his thumb touching the head and then because Evan didn’t do anything by halves, Evan’s lips and his tongue and the way that he groaned at the taste before going back for more. His eyes met Tommy’s and they were glinting and awed and Tommy was never going to forget Evan looking at him like that. Not ever.
He knew what it was like, the first time you touched a dick that wasn’t your own, how it felt to actually know in the practical sense. Evan touched him a little too gently at first, but he touched him reverently. He also, seemed to catch on quick and his grip got a little tighter as he moved his hand up and down and Tommy could hardly keep watching because it was too much and Evan was enthusiastic even in this because Tommy didn’t expect it when his lips were there again, kissing down his shaft and then licking up until his mouth took in the head and the heat of his mouth was too much in a way that Tommy had never experienced before because usually this wouldn’t be all that it took, but this was Evan and he was — oh, god—
“Evan,” Tommy said. “Evan, I’m—”
Evan’s head lifted up and Tommy grabbed for his discarded shirt, unloaded right into it.
“Oh,” Evan said, eyes wide and his mouth spread into a self satisfied grin.
“I didn’t want to get it on the couch,” Tommy said as he dropped his shirt aside.
They both broke out into laughter and Evan leaned into him a bit. He found Evan’s eyes back on his spent cock, and then they moved up to Tommy’s face, still smiling. He leaned forward, kissing him. It was gentler, a slower kiss that Evan pulled back from until Tommy reached up to touch him, to cradle his face and bring him back. Oh, he was falling for him and falling fast. The kiss turned harder and Tommy dropped his hands to Evan’s waist, grasping him until he could turn them and push Evan to his back on the couch.
“Wha—” Evan said.
“Let me take care of you,” Tommy said and he kissed Evan again, kissed his jaw and then his lips again.
“Don’t,” Evan said with a gasp that almost made Tommy sit up and let him go except that Evan held onto him. “Don’t stop.”
Tommy reached between them one handed and Evan nodded as he kissed Evan’s neck, licking up a bead of salty sweat. He opened Evan’s jeans and Evan helped to bring them down alongside his underwear and Tommy groaned into Evan’s clavicle when his hand finally grasped him. Evan was big. He was girthy, he was beautiful and he just held him for a while, touched the wet head with his thumb. Evan was shaking, letting out the most gorgeous little whines. Tommy wanted to taste him, he wanted to feel Evan’s cock on his tongue and in his throat and—
“Can I—”
“Anything,” Evan said, breathless as he cut his question off.
Tommy chuckled. He kissed down his chest, not lingering, though one day he would. He would kiss every inch of Evan. Then, he was there and Evan’s cock twitched under his gaze. Tommy looked back up at Evan who was looking at him, mouth slack and eyes dilated. He was too gorgeous. Too amazing. He was his.
Tommy took it slowly, tongued the very tip and then ran his mouth down the underside, listening for Evan’s gasp and groan and how he whimpered. And then, he lowered his mouth over the tip and down. Breathing through his nose and getting all the musk and sweat and sex…the Evan of it all. He was never going to have enough of this.
Evan didn’t last long and Tommy let him cum in his mouth, and even then, what he couldn’t swallow dripped down his chin when Evan’s spent cock left his mouth. Evan looked at him almost lazily, blinking and smiling. He reached for him and Tommy moved so he was leaning over him and he was just a little surprised when Evan wiped his own cum from Tommy’s chin before he brought that finger to his own lips and then, because that wasn’t enough, he pulled Tommy into a short but sweet kiss.
* * *
“That’s one way to break in a new couch,” Evan said, eventually.
He felt Evan’s laughter more than heard it. Tommy pressed their foreheads together. He closed his eyes. He took in the moment. He had never felt happier, never felt as hopeful, never known with such surety that he’d found somewhere to belong; someone to belong to.
—
Buck would have laid with Tommy on his new couch for a lot longer, but he could admit that with both of their pants not even all the way down their thighs and their dicks hanging out, things were only heading in the direction of not comfortable. Buck went up the stairs to the bathroom up there while Tommy took the one downstairs. He cleaned himself up, got into a clean pair of boxers and pants and shirt because he had no idea where in the living room his other shirt had ended up.
“Hey, Evan, I’m gonna need to borrow a shirt,” Tommy called up.
“I’m not opposed to keeping you without,” Buck called back even as he searched his closet for something that might fit Tommy.
He settled on one of his bigger LAFD t-shirts and even then when Tommy put it on, it was tight across his chest, highlighting his pectorals in a way that it was almost like he still wasn’t wearing anything.
“I like you in my clothes,” Buck said.
His hand landed on Tommy’s chest, crawling up to his neck, breath catching as he remembered what had happened on his couch. How it had felt to have Tommy’s body above him and under him and his mouth and his touch. If there had been any question about Buck’s attraction to men, it had been obliterated the moment that he had Tommy’s dick in his hand and all he’d felt was longing and a deep want. Buck had always loved sex and sex with Tommy was everything. They’d barely even done much and yet it left him so warm and so wanted and so satisfied at the same time as hungry for more.
“How do you feel?” Tommy asked.
“Amazing,” Buck answered and he pulled Tommy to him and into a kiss.
Tommy’s arms were around Buck, pulling him in flush against him and they swayed on the spot as they kissed until they were both breathless, and even then they stayed in their embrace, neither ready to let go.
“How about you?” Buck asked.
“Me?”
“How do you feel?” Buck asked.
“Like I’ve found where I belong,” Tommy said.
Buck hummed. “Yeah, I think we’ve both found that.”
#911 abc#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#bucktommy fic#tevan#kinley#911 fic#buck x tommy#you can find me where the skies are blue
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I HATE IT HERE / mattheo riddle
drabble
mattheo riddle x fem reader
summary: in which mattheo is an artist in a businessman’s world… inspired by ‘i hate it here’ by taylor swift!
warnings: swearing
words: 905
a/n: the tortured poets department is really just on repeat 24/7. dare i say… her saddest album? anyways, i love the headcanon that mattheo loves to draw so i thought this would be sweet <3
Overhearing crunchy footsteps walking through the fallen autumn leaves, Mattheo snaps his sketchbook shut in fear that some random person would accidentally see his innermost thoughts. He’d been drawing by the Black Lake like he usually did when the voices in his head got too loud. Normally, no one else came out here to bother him, but it appeared that today was unlucky.
“Mattheo?” Oh, it was you who was coming to bother him. Guess his day wasn’t so unlucky, after all.
Taking a seat beside him with your back resting against the large tree behind you, you turn your head to look at him and place a kiss on his cheek.
“Did you just get bored or did something happen that made you feel the need to come out here?” You ask, looking down to watch as he mindlessly intertwines your fingers with his.
“How’d you even know I was here?”
“Answer my question.”
”Fine. Both.” He answers, his voice sounding strained as if he’d had the most tiring day of his life.
“You know I’m here to listen, right?” Trying to add to the reassurance, you give his hand a little squeeze. He sighs.
“I don’t wanna burden you. You’re always listening to my fucking problems.”
You can almost physically feel your heart clench at his words. Your sweet boy could never be a burden to you and frankly, it hurt to know that he thought of himself in that way.
“Talk to me.” Your tone is soft but there's something in your voice that makes it clear you aren’t leaving until he tells you everything.
“I just had a really fucking bad day.” He admits in a dismissive voice, as if it’s no big deal, like you shouldn’t worry about him. “And when I was in Potions, some people started talking about what they’re gonna do after they graduate.”
Your brows furrow and you nod in understanding as you let that sink in. It’s never been a secret that Mattheo didn’t exactly know what he was going to do after school ended, butt you didn’t realize how badly that fact got to his head.
“That bothered you?” The answer to that question is obvious but still, there was an underlying need to ask it.
“Yes!” He snaps, his eyes burning with uncertainty and he takes a breath to calm himself before continuing. “It was all ‘I’m gonna be a Ministry worker,’ or ‘I’m gonna be an auror,’ or ‘teacher’ or whatever and I just… God, Y/n, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
You wanted nothing more than to help him, but you simply couldn’t. It’s not like anything you could say would miraculously make him realize what he wants to do for the rest of his life.
“Everything is so… dull and monochromatic. I don’t want to live in a world where I work 9 to 5 everyday in a cubicle. I just…. I hate it here.”
The mere possibility of living such a tight scheduled, boring, small life suffocated him every minute of everyday. He wanted more. He wanted to see the world, he wanted to be creative, he wanted to bring his dreams to fruition. He refused to become part of the system.
He was an artist at heart. Not many people knew that about him, but you did. He was lucky enough to be born with the ability to extract inspiration from anything in his sights. You, his friends, a song, an animal, architecture. Shit, even a random stranger he meets on the street could get the gears in his beautifully intricate mind to start turning.
Mattheo couldn't go ten minutes without feeling the urge to dump his thoughts onto a blank canvas. Talking wasn’t enough, he needed to create, he needed to use his hands.
His innovation is one of his best traits, one of your favorite things about him, and the idea of him ever giving it up was truly devastating. Taking a good while to think of what to say, you fidget around with his fingers in your hand.
“There’s so much out there, Mattheo. You don't need to conform to what the world wants you to do. I mean come on, you’ve never been one to follow the rules anyway.” You tell him.
“What am I gonna do?” He murmurs as he looks out at the lake, his voice filled with a deep sense of yearning.
“I don’t know. But I’ll be here to help you figure it out. I’ll be here with you for the rest of your life, if you’ll have me.” You whisper as he leans his head on your shoulder, his curls tickling the crook of your neck.
He scoffs, tightening his grip on your hand and snuggling his head deeper into your neck. “Are you stupid? Why would that even be a question? No dreams are worth living out if you’re not in them.”
“Good. ‘Cause you’re not getting rid of me.” You lean your head onto his. “I hate it here too but… It’s not so bad when you’re with me. Can I see what you were drawing?”
With an embarrassed blush flushing his cheeks, he hands you his sketchbook and you open up to the most recent page to find an extremely detailed illustration of… you.
Quick, quick
Tell me something awful
Like you are a poet
Trapped inside the body of a finance guy…
#mattheo riddle#slytherin boys#benjamin wadsworth#harry potter#slytherin#reader insert#x reader#marcus lopez arguello#mattheo riddle drabble#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo x y/n#drabble#taylor swift#ttpd#the tortured poets department#ttpd the anthology#taylor swift ttpd#i hate it here
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She died so I died with her
Description: when Mc’s best friend had died, a part of Mc had died with her.
TW: death, cussing, comfort? (If that really is a tw)
Obey me Lucifer x fem! reader
_____________________________________
Mc’s pov:
I’m losing myself; I can’t bring myself to eat, sleep, or move in general.
I haven’t looked in the mirror but I can imagine what I looked like. Messy hair tossed and knotted and every which way, eyebags, and lifeless eyes.
I’ve been staring at my blank white wall for days that bragged on longer than normal. The brothers would knock on my door to tell me that dinner is ready.
They never asked me if I was okay because they knew that I wasnt. My best friend had died and I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.
And worst of all; I had to hear it from Lucifer rather than her family. Vivian was her name, but we all called her vivi.
she was the most gorgeous girl; Black hair that went down her back, ocean blue eyes that would light up when she got excited over little stuff, and she was extremely kind and sweet to overs. Too bad they weren’t kind to her back.
She had a shit life since we were kids. Her dad was always yelling and screaming with the occasional throwing stuff, Her mom didn’t like her as a person, but loved her because that was her daughter.
We had everything planned out since we were 15. We would change our identities when we turned 18 and move countries and disappear. Well I disappeared to hell, while she had her life disappear.
I haven’t been myself. When vivi died a piece of me died with her. I didn’t strive to live anymore but didn’t have the strength to kill myself; So I survived.
_____________________________________
I heard a knock on my door, I didn’t move and I didn’t say anything. I knew that it was my boyfriend, Lucifer but I couldn’t seem to care.
I was so focused on the picture of me and vivi before I left for hell. When we were 19, I saw a glimpse of what could have happened if I wasn’t dragged to hell for a stupid exchanged program.
I heard Lucifer sigh and open my door. I left the worry linger in his stare, I knew he was sitting at his desk worring about me.
He didn’t say anything, he just sat at the foot of my bed. He looked at me like I was glass that was about to break.
I could hear the brothers from my room. they’ve been loud and normally I’m loud with them but I can’t stand it; not while I’m grieving the loss of my best friend.
He knew the noise was bothering me, it was like he could read my mind. He knew me like the back of his hand. Her gently picked me and the blanket up.
I didn’t protest, I didn’t move, I just let him carry me. But the familiar scent of my boyfriend was comforting at the very least.
I heard the brothers quiet down when Lucifer carried me down the stairs. I felt the pain that they felt, the worry to know if I’m okay. I couldn’t see their facial expressions since my face was in Lucifer’s chest.
I knew asmo, beel, and mammon are on the verge of crying for me, satan was probably frowning with a worried look, belphie looked like he didn’t care but if you looked in his eyes, you’ll know that he feels my pain. Levi was internally freaking out and it shows.
Lucifer nor I said anything to them as he walked past. He opened the door and sat me on his bed. It familiar room, cursed records that produced soft music, the overall look of his room was so comforting to me but not comforting enough.
He slid next to me and held me tightly like I was going to disappear. I knew I was safe, I knew that I could cry and scream as loud as I wanted and he wouldn’t judge.
So I did, I cried. I was sobbing,my throat hurt, my eyes are all puffy and red, I’m grabbing onto his shirt like if I let go then he would disappear too.
And he made a ‘sh’ sound while rubbing my back, the only way he knew of comforting me.
It worked, I was still crying but I wasn’t sobbing, hiccuping, or trying to breath because it felt like my lungs aren’t getting enough oxygen.
I eventually fell asleep and Lucifer never left. I knew that we I left this room, I would be bombarded with questions and concerns by the other 6 brothers. But I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking about how grateful I am for a loving boyfriend.————————————————————————————————————
This is my first fanfic that I’ve ever made so I’m sorry if it’s trash but I hoped you enjoyed the angst 😋🫶🏻 
#angst#obey me#obey me lucifer#lucifer x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#fanfic#tumblr fyp#fypシ#obey me asmodeus#obey me leviathan#obey me beelzebub#obey me satan#obey me mammon#obey me belphegor
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I feel bad for not having posted any merthur in a while.
Here’s a small, Cinderella-esque AU snippet from my drafts. 🫶
Apollo didn’t even snicker in discomfort at the boys approach, in fact, he almost preened.
“He’s beautiful.” The boy murmured, putting his palm flat to the horses snout. Apollo loved it, which was strange.
“He never lets anyone touch him, aside from me.” Arthur says, mostly to himself.
“Tell them to be gentle. And approach with respect.” The boys, startlingly blue eyes flick up to Arthur then back down to the horse.
“What do they call you?” He asked before he could think better of it.
“Never mind what they call me.” He patted the snout once more and moved two paces back, finally taking in Arthur’s full form.
“What is someone like you doing in the forrest alone?”
“Is my identity that obvious?”
“I’m afraid so, sire.” A small smirk finds its way onto his face. “It was your cloak…and your posture, that gave you away.”
Arthur laughed despite himself.
“Well, now we are unbalanced. You know my name and I do not know yours.”
Merlin did not respond but the small smile didn’t leave his face as he turned to look out into the forest.
“Your knights will be here soon, Prince Arthur.”
The prince snapped his neck in that direction and held his breath, listening for sounds of movement. He heard none.
“How do you know?”
That got him a small shrug.
“I have my ways.” The raven haired boy began gathering his bag full of plants.
“I fancy keeping my head, sire, so I’ll be taking my leave. You will be safe with them.”
“Why would they take your head?” Arthur couldn’t help but question gently.
The boy shook his head and said nothing.
His blue eyes found Arthur again, which caused little bubbles of nerves in his stomach.
“Please, be careful. These woods are not always kind and surely will not show a Pendragon any mercy.”
“If that is the case, how are you surviving without a weapon?”
“Who said I didn’t have a weapon?”
The sound of hooves and clanking armor distracted his eyes, and when he looked back to the spot the boy had been standing, he was gone.
Vanished into thin air, or into the trees. But Arthur never heard a rustle, never a footstep.
He was disappointed to see him go but glad that he was gone before the knights broke through the tree line. If Arthur’s suspensions were correct, he didn’t want the boy interrogated by them either, even if a handful of them were as noble as they come.
Arthur didn’t really want to take that chance.
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| DON’T PUSH ME AWAY |
wanda maximoff x f!reader
1.3K words
warnings: heavy topics mentioned, self harm / cuts and burns, depression, alcohol addiction
Summary: Sometimes running away just brings more pain not only to yourself but also to your girlfriend.
Hi everyone! So this is my first time writing something on here. I’m not a writer but i’d love to try and write short stories with wanda! Also, english isn’t my native language, sorry in advance for the mistakes!
Loud bangs on your door pulled you out of your trance. You didn’t move, even when you heard her voice. You loved her so much and you hated yourself for it. You didn’t deserve her and she definitely didn’t deserve you. She deserved so much better, someone who wasn’t broken.
The banging hasn’t stopped. Anger was starting to find its place washing away the annoyance of the whole situation.
‘Y/N open up now, i know you’re in here!’
It took everything you had not to snap at your girlfriend. She was slowly pushing your buttons and you didn’t know how long you’d last before snapping.
‘I’m coming in!’
You froze. Your brain stopped working for a few seconds before the sound of her keys jinglind brought you back to reality. She couldn’t see you like this. No, that’s why you disappeared. You’re supposed to be strong, supposed to be this though person than nothing can hurt. What would she be thinking if she was to know?
That’s when the door opened and you realized everything was about to end. She would either break up or you would do it.
As soon as she opened the door, her eyes landed on yours. She took in your appearance and her heart broke. She’d never seen you like this. Blood shot and puffy eyes. Tears stains on your cheeks and clothes, clothes that looked like they’d been worn for days. Greasy and messed up hair. But what shocked her the most was how fragile you looked, like you would literally break at any moment.
Tissues were scattered everywhere. As she was taking in the state of your apartment, the smell hit her. Cigarettes and alcohol. Ashes could be spotted on the ground and the amount of dead bottles were concerning.
‘Y/N I-‘
‘You have to leave’ you cut her off.
‘Y/N, baby no. What’s going on? You know you can tell me anything sweetheart.’
‘Please Wands, you have to leave’
Tears started to make their way back to your eyes again. Not 20 minutes ago you thought you’d run out of tears. If only. Why did she have to come here?
Wanda started to make her way toward yourself.
‘I’m not leaving you, not until you talk to me’
‘I’m fine, please just go. I’ll text you tomorrow.’
‘No Y/N, you’re clearly not fine. Don’t lie to me. Last time we saw each other you seemed off by the end of the night. You stopped showing up, how long has it been since we last saw each other? And you’ve stopped replying to my texts. Honey, please tell me what’s wrong. I hate seeing you like this.’
‘Wands I-‘
That’s when you broke down. Her arms rapidly wrapped themselves around your body as you hugged her closer. She held you tightly and made the both of you sit down. She patiently waited for you to calm down.
‘I’m okay really. It looks worse than it actually is.’
‘Y/N I- What is it that you’re afraid of?’ We talk about anything and everything all the time. What’s stopping you from opening up to me now? You know i won’t judge you. I love you.’
You couldn’t look at her. You were so embarrassed. Deep inside, you know she loves you and would never hurt you, judge or make fun of you. But there’s this part of you that just thinks the opposite.
Wanda squeezed your hands and made you look at her.
‘I’m worried about you.’
You looked away and withdrew your hands from hers. After a moment of silence, you took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything.
‘It all started years ago. I was experiencing pretty bad anxiety and panic attacks for the first time and I didn’t know how to deal with them. It was ruining my life, I was really struggling. But as if that wasn’t enough, i also got depressed. It was bad, i didn’t know what was happening. I had never felt that way before. It was overwhelming. I was drowning in sadness and pain and didn’t know how to make it stop. Soon enough, i started to self harm.’
You took a look at Wanda, to make sure that this wasn’t too much for her. You almost hit the wall next to you as the pained expression across her face and the light tears that formed in her eyes broke your heart to pieces. She nodded her head softly, indicating you to continue.
‘I would cut myself and everything would quiet down as i was taking it out on my body. Eventually, i realized this wasn’t going to change anything so i stopped. I got better with time, to the point i think i just fooled myself for months before it all came crashing down. I somehow managed to survive it. But this time I got better not because i was fooling myself but because i needed time. And it took a while but i got out of it. The thing is no matter what i do or feel, at the end of the day i’m still a depressed person. I can smile, laugh and feel good and enjoy things but i’m still depressed.’
Wanda tried to take your hands but you just moved them away. You wanted to get everything out first. You didn’t see the look of hurt that flashed across her face. She wanted to touch you, to comfort you in any way possible but Wanda understood and respected your choice.
‘It got bad again a few days ago and i didn’t want you to know that part of myself so i thought that disappearing was the best option.’
Then you stopped. You turned your head to meet her gaze. She got closer and put her forehead against yours as a way of comforting you while her hands made their way back to yours. You let it happen. After a moment you moved away but let her hold your hands.
‘And just so you know everything, i burnt myself a few months ago. I stopped after the second time and hated myself for doing it because it doesn’t change anything and i’m just left struggling to hide the burns. I also got a drinking problem, I’m not an alcoholic but i don’t have a good relationship with it either.’
You were thankful she did not cut you off once. Nor did she said a word while you were silent avout how she also had her own demons to fight. At this moment you wanted to be listened and she did.
‘Thank you for opening up to me, I know it wasn’t easy for you. And i’m sorry that you feel this way. You’re a wonderful person Y/N with an amazing personality. It’s not because you’re always the funny and not scared of anything kind of person than you talking to me is making you weak. I know this is what you think. You’re not, you’re my wonderful girlfriend that I love so much and who I’d be lost without. Please next time it happens, don’t push me away. I want to be there for you, you don’t have to go through this alone.’
‘Can you hug me?’
‘My baby, come here.’ She said as she pulled you into her arms. You had missed her so much. You were so scared she’d leave you if she was to know. But no, what you didn’t know yet is that you opening up to her about such sensitive and heavy private topics brought you both closer.
What you also didn’t know yet is that Wanda would always be by your side. You were the love her life and she’d offer you the moon if she could.
‘Now let’s get you cleaned up so we can go back to my place. We’ll take care of here another time.’ Your girlfriend said as she kissed your forehead.
A silent promise that you and her would always face anything no matter how hard it was going to be.
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ok ok, let me cook, let me on the fryer. so drunk driving stream (your girl got carried away, lacked details my bad bestie boo). isaacwhy, big t goat, and yumi. i’m talking giggles GALORE. i’m talking isaac appearance on readers stream? i’m talking, accidental hard launch? on stream? drunk? again, my apologies for lack of detail in the last four or so worded suggestion, lots of love 😘
anon. ily.
isaacwhy x drunk driving stream! reader hc’s
u last minute agreed to a drunk driving stream w 2 of ur best friends yumi and big t while ur bf isaac was at ur place
usually he’d be the third in this trio but u kidnapped him
you’re more than half a four loko down. isaac is a full four loko down. sitting on discord on his phone in ur living room so that chat doesn’t know he’s at ur place
(even tho they all have a suspicion about yall)
“no, no!” you drunkenly yell as your truck spins around on the highway
tanner and yumi are giggling their asses off, watching your truck flip to the side
you take another gulp of ur drink, gagging at the taste
“y/n, you’re a fucking moron!” yumi laughs
you gasp, and look into your webcam
it’s only then when u realize how drunk u look
“holy shit. oh. i’m so drunk,” you mumble as u repair ur truck
“really? couldn’t tell—“
“tanner i’ll—i’ll—kill u,” u stutter
“y/n, stop drinking,” isaac says
“ummm fuck u,” u giggle, downing another gulp
“y/nnnnn!” isaac yells. also drunk.
“come ‘ere. come into—the room,” you slur, not even realizing you’ve uncovered that isaac is in your house
“huh? are you sure?” isaac asks but you can hear him getting up
“oh god she’s getting isaac. oh god,” yumi groans
“k—y—s,” you spell out slowly, making tanner burst out laughing
isaac walks in and his tall ass is covered so u don’t worry about ur webcam
“hiii isaac,” you smile up at him. a part of u is conscious about ur secret relationship to teh viewers while another part is very drunk and wanting your boyfriend like rn
“hii y/n,” isaac smirks down at u, “i think you’re good on the drinks.”
you groan, gulping down more four loko, “you CANNOTTT tell me what to do.”
“oh no. they’re in trouble—OH SHIT I CRASHED,” tanner yells into the mic.
you glance over at chat, seeing your ship name w isaac being spammed and u hide ur eye roll
“you’re drunk too,” u point at ur boyfriend but realize ur vision has gone blurry
“not like you,” isaac laughs. the webcam can see from his chest down as he crosses his arms in his tank top
ur going bonkers
“i—need to pee. i think,” u get up but u stumble. isaac holds out his hands for you and you try and stabilize urself
“you okay?” isaac laughs, holding you
“i’m great!” you quickly saying, stepping away from him
you take three steps away from him, nearly fall until he catches you and all you can do is giggle
isaac is just looking down at you with a small smile, “okay, stream. over. come on—“
“no!!! wait till i get back baby.”
yeah u don’t even realize what u said bc ur just staring up at isaac with a fond smile while isaac has the widest eyes and ur chat has increased in speed
u can faintly hear yumi and tanner yelling
“what?” you ask with a head tilt, “i gotta—pee,@ u say still clueless, “entertain chat!” u say as u walk away, still oblivious
isaac stands there, stunned that you called him baby on stream. subsequently exposing your relationship
it was gonna happen at some point but he wasn’t expecting it while ur both drunk
“chat—chat. um,” he stands awkwardly until u come back
u stumble back in, still clueless while ur bf looks borderline horrified
“y/n, end stream please,” isaac grabs your shoulders
“hm? wha—okay,” you walk over, “guys i’m too drunk according to isaac so i’m gonna end….”
ur eyes fall on ur chat and the word baby and isaac and y/n are dating being spammed
oh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
u whip ur head towards isaac when you realize what you did
“okay—yup! bye chat!” and you quickly end stream.
once u know ur in the clear, ur head falls your hands, “fuck. i’m sorry babe.”
“it’s okay. you’re drunk. it was gonna happen because we’re both dumbasses at some point,” isaac assures u.
you put ur headset back on and yumi and tanner are too drunk to help you so you turn the whole pc off and slam into your bed, face first into the pillows
“i’m staying off twitter for like—ever,” you mumble into the pillow
“eh. we have a lot less weirdos. you’ll be alright,” isaac rubs your back
#tgc x reader#the group chat podcast x reader#the group x reader#the group chat podcast#isaacwhy#isaacwhy x reader#the group chat
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- Soon
bsf!non idol!dokyeom x gn!reader | fluff + friend to lovers | 0.5k | wait - dino “I'll hold you close and tell you not to question us, don't worry”
a/n. erm idk about this one, i thought writing dk would be easy coz love him but im just overthinking haha, i hope you like it i have longer stuff coming, these are just fillers i wanna post :,)
Most days you could feel his gaze, he didn’t always make it obvious, but you knew he was looking, it was needy, begging for some sort of answer from you, an answer you had a hard time formulating. In your head it was clear, the day Seokmin blurted out his feelings under the influence of alcohol, you found it funny that he would admit to it when he knew you were seeing someone at the time, not that it was going well, but the timing really made you smile.
It was those sorts of things that you liked about him, he knew how to brighten up even the brightest days talk less of the dark ones, if he knew a situation was bringing you down, he would try his best to make it better for you. For the longest time you wondered why he did that, why he went out of his way just for you and now you knew, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same.
However, there was still the timing, you had been in an on and off relationship for the past few months and the only thing it brought you was exhaustion, you didn’t even know why you held on to it, but you did and now you didn’t know how to end it completely, so you put Seokmin on hold, hoping he’d understand.
It was an odd situation being in love with your best friend but dating someone who only gave you the comfort of not having to be single and goodnight kisses. You actually hated having to make Seokmin wait because of something so insignificant but the decision was harder to make that just the shitty boyfriend factor.
Seokmin was everything to you, once you’d leave your boyfriend, he’d be all you had left, your past relationships never truly worked out, but it was never that bad because he was there for you so if it didn’t work out this time you would be so lost.
When you would see each other, you would act like nothing changed but his eyes always searched yours for a flicker of hope, he didn’t want to pressure you into it just because you both reciprocated feelings but he didn’t want you to base your decision off an unrealistic fear.
“You know I’ll be fine if you say no, it was kind of selfish of me to put you in such a position” he gives you a small smile shrugging along with the words, you shake your head at him completely dismissing the statement,
“You were drunk and I haven’t decided yet, it’s hard… I don’t want to lose you” his eyes widen hearing those words like losing you is something he couldn’t even fathom, he cups your cheeks in his hands, so you look at him directly in the eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere baby,” you can’t help the smile that creeps up on your face, “I know you’re scared but trust me I won’t be letting go”
“Really? Never?” he smiles so bright his eyes are smiling too, it makes you so warm inside.
“I’ve loved you so long I don’t think it’s ever dying out”
ty for reading feedback is much appreciated
#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#svt fanfic#svt fluff#svt x reader#svt imagines#svt#dokyeom fluff#dokyeom x reader#dokyeom fanfic#seokmin fluff#seokmin x reader#lee seokmin#seventeen
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• Sunshine and a little bit of hurricane •
Bucky Barnes x supersoldierF!reader Edelweiss (OFC)
A therapy session can change the perception of oneself? (Angst, mention of torture, mention of su!cide, bad self talk and bad self image, fluff)
Dr Reynor’ studio is neat and tidy, the giant picture of a forest, on the wall behind the sofa you’re sitting on, is placed to soothe the frustration of being closed between four walls. You watch the rain fall incessantly outside on the not so busy streets of Brooklyn Heights, the gentle pit pat against the glass is relaxing but the brisk click of your therapist’s pen brings you back to reality. You look at her and let out an exasperated sigh.
“You don’t talk, I write, remember?” She murmurs looking at you.
You exhale and you lower your gaze to your hands.
“since we talked about the tub, my nightmares got worse.” Your tone is more harsher than you wanted to, but it’s difficult to hide your frustration to not be able to sleep peacefully with your boyfriend. It’s a strange thing but you feel like you have a rock in your chest, a weight that makes it difficult for you to breathe, let alone sleep.
“Do you want to talk about what happens in your nightmares?” She asks, her tone is calm and even motherly.
“I’d prefer not to but I’m sure you’d be pushing it by telling me something like ‘talking about it makes it easier to move on’… easier my ass…” you reply bitterly before getting up from the sofa and nearing the window. “ there’s only one thing that I know for sure: I don’t want to feel ever again the way I felt back there…” You whisper looking outside.
“If you’re not ready to talk about your nightmares I’ll wait…it’s ok, Y/N.” Dr Reynor replies gingerly, like she’s talking to some scared animal.
“None of this is fucking ok…” you bite back. “ being here is not ok, what happened to me is not ok, what I became is not ok. They broke me and I’ll never be fixed” you can’t help the bitterness in your tone.
“What makes you think that you need to be fixed?” She asks quietly, you can feel her eyes on you.
You chuckle and you turn to look at her “ can’t you see?” You gesture to yourself with a scoff.
She smiles at you “ you’re not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender. You’re a survivor Y/N, but you don’t need to be fixed. you need to understand the person you are now and you need to remember that you’re not alone. You have James…and now even the Avenger’s crew” her words hit you hard, even if it’s difficult for you to really believe them.
You turn again to look outside “ after the tub, they couldn’t wipe me because doing both would had been too much for my already fried brain. That’s when I had some glimpse of my memories…fragments…I remember lying on the bed into my cell and even if I was exhausted I couldn’t sleep or even breathe sometimes…. Everything in that cell remembered me of James… every bloody time they left us alone, every kiss, every scar or bruise that we left on each other…we were so emotion starved that sometimes even pain was ok…just because it made us feel something…and the fact that he was gone without me was overwhelming” you murmur quietly closing you eyes, your memories so vivid.
“back there I thought several times about what it would be like if I killed myself...if he would miss me...would he cry?…but then the thought that he was gone and he left me there got me like’ why should he care?’ Why should I care?” You pause “ you know that he wants to propose? Did he tell you? I found the ring hidden in our closet…” you chuckle bitterly. “If he thinks that he was fucked up, when he was the winter soldier, he must reconsider because I got worse…really worse…In that cell I shutted down, I went completely numb…and every time they got me out for some mission it was always a bloodbath ….the more gruesome, the better…they wanted a killer machine? I obliged them…sometimes even enjoyed the killing…” you confess, your tone heavier then before, shame and disgust easily recognizable. “How can he desire to marry a damaged good like me?” You whisper just before the timer rings gently reminding you that your time is up.
“Don’t mind showing me the exit…I know the way…” you murmur pushing both your hands in your leather jacket’s pocket before moving toward the open door, as you are her last patient of the day and the two of you are the only ones left in the building.
She stands from her seat “You’re not damaged good, Y/N. What you did back there was a survival behavior. None here can judge you for that…. We’ll talk about that next time” she murmurs calm without trying to stop you.
Once outside the building you turn up your face to look at the cloudy sky, it’s raining heavier than when you get here. The chime of your phone claims your attention and when you take it out of your pocket you notice a message from Natasha.
“ mission alert. Meet me at the tower. Hill’s office in 30.”
“Copy. I’m on my way” you reply before getting your hood up and stepping into the rain. You make just a couple of steps before your vision goes black and you collapse on the sidewalk.
When you open your eyes, the white light on the ceiling is blinding you and you let out an annoyed whimper before you squint and turn your head to the side trying to evade that annoyance. Your head is pounding and you feel disoriented.
“She’s awake” you hear a feminine voice whisper gently.
“Thanks God…love, I’m here…” The voice of your boyfriend is low, you can feel the relief in his tone and finally you open your eyes to look at him.
“Where…where am I? What happened?…” you pause for a moment “ my head hurts so bad…” you murmur quietly trying to sit in the bed.
“We’re at the tower, at the medical bay…you went to you therapy session with dr Reynor…you had to meet with Tasha a couple hours ago…when you didn’t show up she alerted me and then dr Reynor called, telling me she found you collapsed on the sidewalk outside her studio…you scared the shit out me, doll” he explains while his hand caress lightly your face. You sigh loudly before slumping against the pillows. You feel an itch on your arm and when you look down you see that you have an IV attached. Before you can articulate any of your concerns you hear the door of your room open and Bruce made his entrance.
“Well, well…look who’s awake!” He murmurs too cheerfully for you taste. You let out a frustrated groan.
“ you scared us a little but don’t worry..it’s seems you just got a mild concussion and you’re a bit dehydrated…nothing too concerning for your condition…” Bruce replies with an encouraging smile.
“My condition? What do you mean?” You murmurs, looking at him with concern, you know for sure that you boyfriend got the same expression looking at the scientist.
“I…I thought you already knew…” Bruce stutters, trying to arginate the situation.
“What are you talking about Bruce? Am I dying?” You retort with a hint of panic in your voice.
He starts to laugh loudly and you give him a murderous look.
“No no…for heaven sake no! You’re going to be a mum” he murmurs giving you a reassuring smile.
“Wait, what?” Bucky asks with wide eyes. You try to rise from the bed but you feel your head spinning and nausea coming up leaving a disgusting taste on your tongue so you slump again on the pillows.
“Bad time for a joke Bruce…” you reply bitterly while you search for some water. The scientist is looking you movement and promptly gives you a glass with some ice cubes and water.
“ recently have you experienced some brain fog, nausea, maybe throwing up sometimes? Sensibility to smells? The sudden urge to eat ice or to take a nap in the middle of the day?” He asks politely.
“Yeah, my health hasn’t been great lately and so? My bloody nightmares are keeping me awake most of the nights…it natural that I want to nap during the day!” You reply quietly.
“When you had your last period, Y/N?” He asks you.
You look at him with wide eyes and for a moment you’re speechless. You don’t know when your last period was. You turn your head to search for your clothes, you know that your phone has the answer you need.
“My phone…I need my phone…” you whisper and you see Bucky promptly searching your jacket to give you your phone. With trembling hands you search the app where you track your menstrual cycle and to your surprise,when you open it, you see that your period is 4weeks late.
You gasp quietly and you lift your gaze from the phone to your boyfriend.
“Ok, I get it, you need to talk… I’ll leave you to it…” Bruce murmurs before exiting the room leaving the two of you alone.
The silence between you two is heavy. You look at him, his jaw clenched and his gaze low, as it’s too much to bear. He feels responsible to put this weight on your shoulders, who would want to carry the former winter soldier’s child?
“ I… I can’t be a mother…” you whisper, your eyes full of tears, the words you spoke with dr Reynor are haunting you: why would he want YOU to be the mother of his child? You and your fucked up brain.
He sighs quietly.
“ I know it’s a difficult situation and I know that’s my fault…I should‘ve been more careful…” he murmurs, guilt in his voice “ I shouldn’t burden you with this situation…I know that you love me and I’m grateful for that every single day and I’ll be for the rest of my life but I know it’s too much to carry my child.. who would want a father like the winter soldier?” He concludes with a whisper lowering his head.
“No, no…” you whisper cupping his face to look at him in the eyes, you can feel his pain and it kills you every time he felt so insecure due to the past he endured, he never had a choice. “ no James, you’d be a wonderful father…attentive, generous, protective, a perfect father…it’s me…I’m the one fucked up…I can’t be a mother…after all they did to me, I’m too damaged…I can’t be a good mother…and this child don’t deserve a mother like me…” you started to quietly pouring down all your doubts, all the fears that are haunting you, your sense of unworthiness, the “truth” that you think you had the choice to become what you become.
“Don’t you ever, EVER, speak like that again!” The way he’s grasping you by the arms, shaking you slightly to gave his words more power leave you speechless.
“You’re not too damaged, you’re the bravest, kindest being I’ve ever known in my entire life, despite what happened to you, you managed to explore your own darkness and save your heart. You stayed pure even if you walked through a fucking hell.” His choice of words is kicking you in the gut.
“I’m not as pure as you think!” You shout with desperation.
“ you are! Do you think I don’t know what if feels like to numb yourself and become what they wanted you to be? It’s easier than being wiped out every single time! You did what you had to do to survive and you can’t forgive me and do not forgive yourself for living and experiencing the exact same damn thing!” He shouts back.
Your sobs start silently before taking every fiber of your being and you fully start to cry, he hugs you tightly and you realize that the weight you felt on your chest is disappearing.
“You’re not too damaged. You’re not what they made you become.you’re strong as vibranium, love.and yes, you’re pure… You’re not even a ray of sun, you’re the fucking sunshine….and a little bit of hurricane…”he whispers in your ear while gently caressing your hair until your sobs subside.
He sits on the bed and he gently maneuvers you to sit in his lap so he can look at you in the face.
“Love, I know it’s a difficult situation and I’ll accept and I’ll love you no matter what you choose to do. It’s your body and it’s your choice. Do you want to make a family together?” He murmurs quietly.
“I’ve always wanted a family of my own…” you whisper “ I want a family with you…but I’m scared…” you confess. He hugs you.
“ that’s ok…if you want this…if you’ll have me…we’re in this together…” he murmur kissing the crown of your head.
“ you know that Dr Reynor will freak out when she’ll know that we’re having a baby?” You joke and the laugh that vibrates in his chest makes you giggle while now you feel the weariness of the whole day upon you.
" I think I'll take a nap..." you whisper softly before snuggling against your boyfriend.
“I’ve got you mama…” he whispers holding you tight against his chest and lulling you gently into sleep.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#buckyxedelweiss#edelweiss#bucky barnes x yn#bucky x you#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes#bucky angst#bucky fanfic
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45 with Ghost 🙏🏽🙏🏽
warnings: sex, a tiny bit of angst, hurt/comfort. have fun :)
summer sleepover
roses - awaken I am
“Cheers,” everyone raised their glasses to the center of the table as Gaz spoke. “To the 141 and to my best friend for hosting this lovely dinner for us.”
Everyone clinked their glasses with one another, taking a sip of the crimson wine in the glass. The boys had just finished up a successful mission and had gotten back, and you couldn’t help but offer to host them for a night. After all, they deserved a nice home-cooked meal and some well-aged wine.
You looked around the table, smile only faltering when you met eyes with Simon. You knew things would be awkward when you had told your childhood best friend, Gaz, to tell his team about the dinner, but you figured you’d just have to get over it.
“Oh no John, you don’t have to get those,” you said, resting a hand on his shoulder above you. He had already taken his place in front of your sink, sleeves rolled up and ready to wash the dishes when you stopped him.
“Please, it’s the least I could do,” he said. Somehow you were able to talk him down, telling him it wasn’t even that many dishes and you’d grab them after everyone was gone. Moving back to the living room of your cozy apartment, he joined the rest of the men and put his jacket back on, gearing up to leave.
“Thank you so much lass, we really enjoyed the food and the company as always,” Johnny leaned down to give you a customary kiss on the cheek.
“It’s no problem at all, you’re all welcome any time,” and with that, the men all said their goodbyes and left. You sighed, locking the door behind them. It wasn’t that bad, you thought, It could have been worse.
Lighting a candle in the living room, you went back to the kitchen to start on the dishes. You got two plates in when you heard a knock on your door.
“Simon..?” you opened your door to be met with the large man, hands in his pockets and looking at the ground. “Did you forget something?”
“No, no. I just…wanted to talk, I guess.”
Welcome to worse.
You hesitantly let him in, watching as he sat on your all-too-familiar couch. Bringing the wine bottle back over, you sat down a few feet away from him, pouring some in each glass and handing it over to him.
–
A few hours had passed since Simon had come back. The two of you caught up after a few months of not talking, not really being in each other’s lives anymore. You talked about your jobs, about school. About relationships. That’s where it all went downhill.
“It was never gonna work out, Si,” you said, voice beginning to raise. You could already feel the tears begin to spring to your eyes.
“I tried,” he responded, pacing the room.
“You were always working-”
“They needed me at my job, I can’t exactly walk away whenever I want to, you know that.”
“I know that Simon, but I needed you too!”
It was silent for a while, both of you letting your words sink in. He brought his hand up to his face, grimacing and rubbing his eyes for a sense of clarity, trying to find the calm in this storm. When he turned around, he was met with a sight that made his heart drop. You were still sitting on your couch, glass of wine in one hand and your head in the other, facing the opposite direction. He saw your shoulders and back rise, and realized you had begun to cry.
Simon walked over, sitting back down next to you. He took the glass from your hand and set it gently on the table in front of you, and took your hand in his. He whispered your name, and you looked at him, a single tear running down your cheek as you tried to gain composure.
“Please don’t cry,” he said softly, thumb brushing the tear away. “I’m sorry.”
You shook your head, almost smiling. “It’s fine. We’ve been over all of it already, we’re past it-”
He leaned in and connected his lips with yours in a soft kiss. He could feel you tense at first, but soon after you relaxed. When the two of you separated, he stayed close, lips almost touching yours still.
“Please. Let me make it up to you,” he spoke in a whisper, heart racing, hoping that he could just have one last chance with you. In that moment, he knew that there was a God as you nodded your head and leaned back in.
The second kiss was more passionate, months of heartbreak being poured into it. He cupped your face in his large hand, deepening the kiss. His tongue moved languidly across yours, missing the way your lips felt on his.
As he moved his hand to your waist to pull you closer, you whimpered into his mouth, and he pulled back. You were about to object when he stood up, guiding you up with him, and leading you to your bedroom.
The two of you stood in your room in silence as he slipped your dress over your head slowly, letting it fall to the ground as he kissed you again, backing you up until your knees hit the bed. You sat down on the edge, and he kneeled in front of you.
“I’ve missed you every day that we’ve been apart,” he breathed as he kissed your neck, trailing kisses down to your chest.
“Can barely concentrate,” he unclasped your bra with expertise, just like he used to all those months ago. He let it fall to the ground on top of your dress. He kissed the apex of your breast, hand squeezing at the other as he listened to your breath hitch.
“My head’s a mess when you’re in it,” he kissed down your stomach, hands squeezing at your waist. He gently pushed you to lay down, raising your hips to pull your tights down your legs and slip them off completely, kissing down your thighs and legs until he had shown your whole body the love he knew it deserved.
He rose from the ground, undressing himself, never breaking eye contact as you laid there, propped up on your elbows.
“Simon,” your soft voice rang in his ears; you were like a siren to him. You could have said anything from anywhere, and he’d abandon ship just to hear you again.
He crawled onto the bed, hovering over you as he placed a kiss on your forehead. His fingers trailed down until they met your core, and you opened your legs up willingly to him, missing his touch more than anything. He began to rub your clit in small, slow circles, already feeling the wetness accumulate on his fingers. Pushing two of his fingers in, he worked you open, swallowing your soft moans.
Gentle waves rolled over you as he brought you to your first climax. Nobody knew your body as well as him; he was able to make you cum with ease, remembering everything about you as if he had blueprints he had studied for ages.
“Please,” you breathed out. He repositioned himself, lining his thick cock up with your entrance, pushing to the hilt until he was fully sheathed inside you. Electricity sparked within you, his cock hitting all of your pleasure points that your toys had missed every time you used them in his absence. He groaned at your wet heat, stilling inside you as he refocused.
“Missed this,” he mumbled against your lips, pulling out and slowly pushing back in. “Feel so good wrapped around me, sweetheart.”
Simon set a slow but powerful pace, hips driving into you deep as you left light scratches along his back. Your room sounded of deep moans and whimpers, both of you having to break from your kiss every time he hit an especially sensitive spot.
“I love you, I never stopped. I never will.” He could feel you clench at his words as he let out another moan, his thrusts starting to move a little bit faster.
“Oh- Simon, baby-” you held him tighter, head thrown back as the pleasure shot up your spine. “Please, please, please…”
He could tell you were close, your pussy tightening around him as he had found just the right angle and pace. “Fuck, sweetheart, just like that- you’re takin’ me so well. Always been a good girl for me, yeah?”
You nodded your head, tears rolling down the sides of your face as you became overwhelmed with his admissions and pleasure. You gasped as he hit your sweet spot continuously, whining and writhing underneath him.
“There you go, I’ve got you. Cum f’me sweetheart, I’m right here,” his words shattered you, your vision going white as your back arched off the bed. “That’s it, go ahead love.”
Pleasure continued to ripple through you, blood rushing through your ears and white-hot ecstasy running through your veins as Simon continued his pace just as it was, just as you liked it. As soon as he saw you begin to come down from your high, his thrusts got sloppier, hips stuttering as he breathed out a fuck in that baritone voice of his. His eyes squeezed shut as he came deep inside you, pushing himself as deep as possible. He pumped himself in you a few more times as he came down himself, finally pulling out and rolling on side of you.
You both laid there for a while, waiting for your heavy breathing and racing hearts to calm down. He pulled you to the side of him, holding you close. You could hear his heartbeat return back to normal. The two of you stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for a couple of minutes.
Simon was the first to break the silence.
“I meant everything I said,” he said quietly, thumb rubbing circles onto your back.
“Yeah?”
“Mhmm,” he hummed, placing a kiss on your forehead.
You both laid like that for what seemed like forever. He was just about to fall asleep, drift off into another world, when you turned onto your side and wrapped an arm around his torso.
“Love you too, Si,” you murmured, eyes already shut.
#simon riley#simon “ghost” riley#simon riley smut#simon riley angst#hurt/comfort#cod#cod masterlist#summer sleepover 2024
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MINERVA
Pairing !! : L Lawliet / Reader
Fic Type !! : One-shot / Fluff / Comfort
Summary !! : You open up to L.
CW !! : Insecurities, implied bad past relationships, reader is goth
Note !! : Wrote this at 2 am yesterday lol
✦ MASTERLIST
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the middle of solving a case, Mister Detective?”
“I solved it last night, I’ll have you know.”, the dark-haired detective replied. Currently, he was sitting on your desk chair, at your apartment. The reason for his visit? Unknown, as always. He asked if you were home and you’d said yes so he basically just turned up — you didn’t have any reason to deny him anyway. There wasn’t exactly a label on the relationship you two had, you weren’t sure you could put one on it. But maybe.. It was better that way? L and you had crossed the line that would have defined you two as friends about 4 years ago, so you couldn’t say that you were ‘just friends’ with him.. But the bond wasn’t familial either so it just left you in a rather.. Awkward position.
Especially considering the fact that he had told you of his feelings for you about a month ago.
He knew you like no one else knew you. Therefore, he knew about your past, which included your history with ‘love’ and such. You remember him telling you, ‘Do not feel obligated to reciprocate, I only wanted you to let you know.’ It was reassuring to say the least. But that was a month ago, who knows if he still felt the same? It kind of made you feel dejected to think about him potentially catching feelings for someone else, but what were you supposed to do? You were complicated.. And there’s no way you could expect him to carry your burdens with him.
“Really? Congratulations, then.” You smiled, your gaze flickering up to his. There was soft rock music in the background, you were trying to figure out what to paint before he had come so there were art supplies all over your floor, as per usual. “So..” You hesitated to get the words out, it wasn’t exactly easy for you to speak about.
“What is it?” L sounded curious when the words came out of his mouth. His wide eyes carefully observing you as you put paint on the blank canvas. Truthfully, he was never really that much of a creative. But he liked seeing what your mind could come up with.
“Well, I don’t want to beat around the bush so,” you exhaled, avoiding his gaze. “Do you still have romantic feelings for me, L?” Your words came out meekly, but you made sure he could hear them. You really didn’t want to repeat yourself..
“Yes. I do.” He answered without hesitation. “Why do you ask?”
“Can I be honest with you?”, you halted the movement in your arm, your brush stopping just above the canvas before you put it down fully.
“Always.” He laid his thumb on his bottom lip, it was hard not to feel at least some type of nervousness — He wasn’t sure what you would say to him, for once. Usually, he was exceptional at predicting people’s behaviors, but with you? He was sometimes at a loss.
“I want to love you, I really do..” you admitted, “But i’m afraid that i'll get hurt or that I’m too much for you to handle.” Your words were honest, it was one of the few times you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with him.
“______.” He said your name firmly to get your attention. “I believe I know what I’m getting myself into with you. The concept of love includes accepting one’s flaws & supporting one another, I don’t believe it could be considered love had I not been prepared to fully accept you for who you are, _____.” His words were genuine and you could tell that they were. He offered you a small smile as he explained his thinking process to you.
“You really feel that way about me?” you asked him, still in disbelief that he caught feelings for you.
“I’m against lying, I believe you know this well, _____.” He smiled at you, his eyes widening when you had taken your eyes off of your canvas and set your sights on him. For a while now, he had been feeling this warmth.. This yearning for you whenever you were near him, it was so unfamiliar — he tried to brush it off at first. Sooner or later, after a few conversations with Watari, he realized that he did in fact feel something for you. His loneliness was something he had to deal with at all times both because of his job and himself in general. He knew people thought he was odd. They often disregarded him because of that very fact. But you, despite expressing to him that you thought he was strange at the beginning, you actually tried to understand him.. You wanted to be around him.
He noticed a softening look in your eyes, it was one he had the privilege of witnessing only twice in the entire 5 years you two had known each other. Before he knew it, your arms were around his neck, your face buried into his fluffy, black hair — you were hugging him from behind. “I’m willing to trust you, L..”, you said to him softly, “I’m putting my heart in your care, I hope you know that.” You said.
L’s hands rested on your forearms, returning your gesture of affection in the best way he could. He wasn’t fond of physical touch, but he was willing to adjust for you. “Has anyone ever told you that you have a poetic way of speaking?”
You felt blood rush to the tips of your ears. “Once or twice,” you mumbled. “Thank you for understanding me, L..” you exhaled calmly, feeling relieved at how the conversation had gone. He didn’t invalidate your fears, nor did he sugarcoat anything. Others would’ve probably liked to hear a ‘I’ll never hurt you’ or something along those lines. But you appreciated the way he kept everything blunt with you, it’s just the way he was & you liked that about him.
He was a straightforward man, at heart he was curious about the things around him. He craved excitement & stimulation. Luckily for him, you were a rather spontaneous being. Maybe you weren’t as outstandingly smart as he was.. But you had helped him many times to look at things from a different perspective & he appreciated you for that.
“Thank you, for doing the same.. Since meeting you, I've felt less alone..” his voice was soft.
You didn’t say anything to him, you didn’t need to.
You only pulled him in closer, enjoying the fact that he was here..
.. And the fact that he would be by your side for as long as time allowed him to be.
#death note#l death note#l#death note l#l lawliet#Jume Writes ✒︎#l x reader#l lawliet x reader#l fluff#l lawliet fluff#death note x reader#l / reader
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gross old man drinking problem
#kewpie's art#pots n picks#chilchuck#senshi#suggestive#chilshi#sorry the last panel is…. like that#i’m really down bad if you couldn’t tell#i’m sure you could though. based on this and my previous posting history
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