#i went to go look to make sure this was still applicable btw and while i did see one person speaking on palestine re the new clad drop post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

death2normalcy · 2 years

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So, I’ve officially applied to a lot of recruiters (could maybe even apply to more, honestly) and since I’ve started communicating with them and getting interviews with schools, I wanted to share my experiences with each recruiter so far. I still have a ways to go, but here’s my first impressions/early stages thoughts.

I’ve applied to 12 recruiters so far. This list is roughly in the order I applied, but not 100%.

Side note - I will probably be applying to more recruiters, this is just my experience so far.

Appletree Edu

I had a meeting with this recruiter on October 23rd. I know it’s not professional, but I forgot the name of the person who interviewed me. My connection wasn’t great and I barely heard it to begin with. Over email, I’ve been communicating with someone named Jane, though, so it may have been the same person. She’s been pretty on top of emailing me, but she also gets quite short with me if I don’t respond back pretty quickly.

The interview seemed to go well, and lasted less than 10 minutes.

She’s sent me a handful of positions, but I turned down one. However, despite saying yes to a couple, I never got a follow up. I finally have an interview with one of the schools next week, though.

ESL Consulting

I had a meeting with this recruiter last night (November 3rd), actually, despite it being the 2nd recruiter I applied to. I am not sure how to spell the interviewer’s name, but it’s similar to Sammy, because she made a little joke about it, which was sweet, lmao. (My name is Samantha/Sam, btw). (Edit - In her email, it was in fact listed as Sammie, lmao)

Another short interview, about 10 to 15 minutes. Recruiter meetings seem to be quite short.

Asked me if I was vegan/vegetarian. Not 100% sure the reason, lol, but I’m sure it mattered.

No positions sent yet, or follow up emails, but it’s going into the weekend in South Korea soon, so I don’t expect to hear back from them until next week.

Edit - I actually got my follow up email while I was writing this, lol. They sent me a couple of positions, so I have to set up interview times.

Korea Works

My meeting with this recruiter was on October 25th at 12:30am. I have to be honest, I barely remember it, that sounds so bad. I have to take better notes. The recruiter interviews were very similar, honestly. I do know that this one was also under 10 minutes.

They haven’t sent me any positions yet and honestly, I haven’t even heard back from them since the interview. So, let’s see how that goes.

I also got a follow up email with them as I was writing this. They didn’t send me any positions, though, just some stuff about documents. They said they may be able to send me positions next week.

Adventure Teaching

No recruiter interview with them, but they have emailed me a lot. I’ve been communicating with someone named Katie. Honestly, she seems nice.They’ve also kept up with the emails about my documents, even though I don’t have them all ready yet.

This is the only recruiter so far that I’ve done actual school interviews with. The two I did recently was through them actually. Katie also emailed me after to check up and see how they went, which was nice. But I haven’t received any other positions from them yet.

ESL Starter

This one is going to make me look bad. They were one of the first ones to respond to my application and try and set up a recruiter interview. I was still getting used to all this, even just a couple weeks ago, and I messed up. They had placed me with someone for the interview, but I forgot to confirm. When the day came, she called me, but I missed it. After that, I felt so bad and weird about it, that I ignored her follow up email. Not great, I’m aware, but I’m hoping losing one recruiter won’t hold me back too much.

Premier ESL Recruiting

Has not emailed me or reached out in any way. It’s been almost 2 weeks, so not sure if they will or not.

Footprints

Had a Skype call with them on October 28th. Liked that, since I didn’t have to be presentable, I could just do whatever, lmao. Call seemed to go well.

The person I was assigned to sent me two positions (but they were like, the same company? Hard to explain or understand), but when I turned them down, she said she had no more positions available because of Covid.

Reach to Teach

So, they responded pretty quickly and immediately set me up with someone named Paul. I wasn’t asked for a recruiter interview, he just immediately started sending me positions. He’s sent me the most out of anyone, for sure. But I’ve turned down a couple. The ones I said yes to, he said they turned me down. He also sent me the same position three times. When I pointed this out (on Halloween, I believe), he stopped sending me anything.

Korvia

I applied to these last 4 just last week, so I only started back from them recently. I have my recruiter interview with this one on November 7th at 1:00am. So, no thoughts on them yet.

Ace Career Consulting

I haven’t heard back from this one yet.

Travel & Teach

I actually have my recruiter interview with them tonight, at 8:30pm.

Update - So, it was a Skype call, which was nice, but I wasn’t aware it was so I got presentable for nothing, lmao. But it lasted for less than 5 minutes, and he only asked me the basic questions (preference on location? document status? etc.). I understand the point of these interviews, but this one felt like it could have been an email?

Gone2Korea

Again, I haven’t had my recruiter interview with them yet. I have one with them on November 7th at 12:15am.

#personal #sam moves to korea #teaching in korea #overall not bad i think #but hard to say #i need to keep better notes because i've lost track of who knows what about my documents a little lmao #but overall not bad #i have a document detailing all these #plus interviews and positions sent etc #to keep track

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barnesafterglow · 3 years

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xoxo

summary: you and bucky are trying to deal with the aftermath of becca's actions. little do you know, that was just the start.

pairing: bfb!bucky x f!reader

word count: 5.1k

warnings: lots of language, an insane amount of gossip girl posts, a smidge of angst but everything works out, talk of sextapes/porn, blackmail, becca is a crazy bitch, reference to mental health issues/therapy, btw bucky (and the boys) are a year older than y/n and becca, Y/I means 'your initals'

a/n: so i finally wrote a part two of 'super rich kids' !! i hope this does it justice, because i never really planned to continue this, but then i had some ideas. this took me about a week to finish bc i kept hitting a block but anyways sorry to anyone who wanted redemption for becca enjoy!!

you can read part one here!

Hey Upper East Siders, I bet you’re wondering what happened next. Don’t you worry, I’m here to tell the tale.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

It had been six months. Six. Months. And Becca was still seething about you and Bucky. While the headlines had stopped, Becca still made sure to tell whoever she could. It was honestly more comical than anything at this point, because she had lost the respect of most of your friends. But those she paid to keep around remained by her side.

Regardless of whether or not you and Bucky were splashed across the front page of a gossip magazine, there was still a tension that lingered at the rift between you and your best friend, and him and his sister. You all kept pretending everything was okay, but you could tell Bucky missed his sister, regardless of what she had done - she was still family. You knew he was far from forgiving her, but having such a looming cloud over his head was starting to get to him.

“Hey Buck, what do you want for dinner tonight?” You all hadn’t spoken all day. Unfortunately this wasn’t unusual for the last couple of weeks. Even so, you managed to get in bed every night and talk like nothing was wrong, and for that you were grateful. Though when a few minutes went by and you still hadn’t gotten a response from Bucky, you were a bit worried.

You walked into the living room to find Bucky hunched over his laptop, obviously stressed. He had just graduated, and while he didn’t need a job, he wanted to work, wanted to put his degree to use. You figured he must still be looking at jobs, trying to find the right fit for him. But when you sat down beside him, head resting on his shoulder, it wasn’t an application across his screen.

This just in: Brother Barnes and his pretty little thing are ditching the high life for a new career path. I didn’t know Manhattan bred porn stars. Make sure to check it out… if you’re brave enough.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

“What the fuck is gossip girl?” Your jaw was on the floor, your heart was in your throat, and if you didn’t breathe soon you were going to pass out. An intimate moment in yours and Bucky’s life was online for everyone to see. The worst thing is, this wasn’t TMZ or Cosmo, it was a site that you had never seen before, but was already buzzing. You saw names of people you had known your whole life, commenting on your movie with Bucky.

Jesus, had Bucky done this? Maybe that’s why he had been so distant. You had no recollection of ever being recorded, or at least agreeing to it, so the only option seemed to be that Bucky had set it up without your knowledge. Did he mean to post it, though, or did it just get leaked?

“James, did you do this? Please tell me you didn’t do this,” voice barely above a whisper, you trembled, tears finally rolling down your cheeks as he met your eyes.

“Are you kidding me? Of course not! I would never do anything like that, I can’t believe you would even ask me. You’re crazy.” Your tears turned from that of fear to ones of fury. Although you were hoping his reaction came from the stress of the situation, you couldn’t help but think he sounded a little defensive.

“I’m crazy? I’m not the one who posted our sex life all over the internet like some amatuer porn star! Is that what gets you off now? Or were you just bored? I know things haven’t been the same but this is just a low. I thought I could trust you.” You had always been able to read Bucky like an open book. For you, he wore his heart on his sleeve - always had. But right now it was like he built a wall of steel around himself, and you had know idea what was going on behind those blue eyes.

“If that’s how you feel about me, then I don’t think you know me at all,” his teeth clenched so hard you could barely make out the words. You had never seen him this angry. Something deep down told you it wasn’t all directed at you, but that didn’t matter right now. “It seems like I don’t know you, either. Maybe we just need to take a break until we can figure this out.”

Your anger quickly fizzled out. You knew he didn’t want it, but you did know he meant it. And that made your heart break just as much. You didn’t even have the words to fight about it, it’s just what had to be done. As he packed a bag, you sat on the bed watching him, until he kneeled down right in front of you.

“I love you, never forget that.” His words were so soft, they broke the dam of tears you’d been holding back. As they silently streamed down your cheeks, he pressed a kiss to your foreheads and gave you one last glance before walking out of the room. You could barely hear the front door close over the breaking of your heart.

Bucky hadn’t seen the inside of his house in months. Once it became clear Becca was not getting over anything, Bucky moved in with you. Now, his room didn’t even look like his room. There was no sign of his daily life, the only thing that still remained were the picture frames on his desk. Walking over, he picked up his favorite one - a picture of you, Bucky, and Becca at their house in the Hamptons. It was the summer you were 16, before either of you really knew you loved each other. Bucky was in the middle, long arms thrown over the shoulders of his two favorite girls; Beck was looking at the camera with her signature smile, but you and Bucky were looking at each other laughing. It was a wonder it took you all so long to realize your feelings.

A sharp knock on his door frame pulled him out of his thoughts, and his gaze landing on his sister reminded him why he was here.

“Hey, Bucky-bear. What are you doing at home? Just here to see your dear sister - or did you finally drop that skank?” Becca laughed as if she had just told the funniest joke in the world. It was infuriating. “I’m just kidding, really. I’m glad you’re here, I always knew you would come home, I know you so well. And I missed my brother so much.” She came over to wrap her arms around his frame, not missing a beat even when his body tensed up. She simply skipped back towards her room, going on about where they would go for dinner tonight.

Spotted: The Barnes siblings reuniting over a dinner of Italian, sans their favorite girl. Is this just a coincidence, or has Beck finally dragged Bucky back to the palace? Only time will tell.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl was quickly taking over the Upper East Side. In just two weeks, more dirt had been dumped than your entire high school career. Affairs were outed, scandals unearthed, and no one was safe. The biggest hit, however, was focused on the crumbling relationship between you and Bucky. At least once a day, a picture of one of you emerged, with some ridiculous rumor swirling. So far Bucky had apparently partook in a threesome at his favorite rooftop pool, and you were dating some British royal of which no one knew the name.

It was becoming ridiculous. Nothing was real, but no one cared as long as they had something to talk about. And still none of that bothered you as much as the fact that you hadn’t seen Bucky. The two of you had exchanged some texts, mostly to assure the other that Gossip Girl was very much wrong. Other than that, well, you didn’t know.

All you could do was hope that would blow over soon, and that you and Bucky could fix things. But that possibility seemed further away as more time passed. Gossip Girl couldn’t get enough; each post more vicious than the last. And then started more and more posts about Bucky. He was partying again, almost every night. There had been no pictures of him with a girl, yet, but you had a sick feeling it wasn’t too far off. It seemed foolish to think that things could have worked out; that you and Bucky were meant to be. You both loved each other, that you knew for sure, but your best guess was that for whatever reason, the two of you just couldn’t be together. As hard as it was to accept, you were determined to let him be happy.

That didn’t mean you were ready to move on, though. And when you thought you were at your lowest, a knock came to your front door.

You trudged through the apartment, ready to tell whoever was there - probably Natasha with a bottle of vodka - that you weren’t in the mood. But your first glance at the looming figure had you flinging open the door and jumping into his arms.

“Samuel Wilson, what are you doing here!” It had been almost two years since he had decided to move across the country for college, and while he kept in touch, he hadn’t come back. You got it, he hated the drama that came with living among the elite. Really, you admired him for doing what he truly wanted - even with the threat of getting cut off.

Once you finally released him from your koala hold, you stepped back with the biggest smile that had graced your lips since Bucky left. You really just couldn’t believe he was here. Growing up, he had been the final piece of Steve and Bucky’s trio. They were more like brothers than anything, with the constant bickering and tough love, and it was never entirely the same without him.

“Come on, baby girl, you know I couldn’t stand to leave you alone for too long.” You opened your mouth to protest that two years was more than too long, but it didn’t matter since he was here now. “I’m back, at least for a little bit. As it turns out, having a degree doesn’t mean you magically know what you want to do with your life. So, here I am, ready to live it up with my favorite people.”

“Your favorite people are a bit of a mess right now, I’m afraid.” His confused face made you giggle, and not wanting him to be in the dark, you offered him a proposal. “I’ll tell you about it as long as you pay for lunch.”

His laugh followed you all the way to your bedroom as you began to get ready.

“Fucking Gossip Girl? What, are we back in high school?” To say he wasn’t pleased about what had been going on in his absence was an understatement. “Also you and Bucky? That’s great, I was worried I would have to listen to him pine over you just like when I left.”

You rolled your eyes before countering, “Did you listen to a word I said? Bucky and I are over, at least I think we’re over. Point is, we’re not speaking and he’s out clubbing while I’ve been home with ice cream and trashy TV. I wouldn’t say we’re on the road to recovery.”

“That boy has been in love with you as long as I’ve known him, I wouldn’t be too worried. If anything, I’ll knock some sense into him the second I see him.”

You reached over the table and squeezed his hand, grateful to have one of your best friends back.

Looks like Sam is back in town, and he’s already made a move on Bucky’s girl. We should have known his charm was irresistible, and that he wouldn’t waste a second. You snooze, you lose, Barnes. Time to move on.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

James Buchanan Barnes, for as much of an asshole as he could be, was not quick to anger. But right now, he was goddamn furious.

It had been almost two weeks since he had found out Becca was Gossip Girl. Two weeks of her blackmailing him so that he wouldn’t tell anyone, especially his girlfriend. His girlfriend. Fuck. Was she even his girlfriend anymore? He guessed not; he had technically broken up with her - or “taken a break” to be more exact. But he figured this would all blow over and then they would be fine. He had gotten worried at first about these “blasts” from Gossip Girl, spreading rumors, until you texted him to assure that there was nothing going on with anyone, and that you missed him. He believed you, of course, but there was a nagging in the back of his mind that something wasn’t right. And then he found out about Becca.

“No, Sharon, I was right. He came back home, everything worked out perfectly.” A long pause followed. “Of course I’m not going to stop. This is the most fun I’ve had since high school.” Her voice started to gradually become more irritated. “I don’t care, S! Nobody is really getting hurt, they’re just being a bunch of babies. I don’t care that we just started this to get Bucky back, Gossip Girl was the best idea I’ve ever had.”

“What the fuck, Rebecca!” Bucky charged into the kitchen. He was coming down to get a drink when he heard Becca arguing with someone on the phone, and was about to turn around when he heard his name. “This bullshit has been you? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

And she had the nerve to laugh. Laugh. Like this was all some game to her. Which, when he really thought about it, it all was.

“Oh, Bucky-bear. You weren’t supposed to find out this way. Or at all, though I don’t really care. You needed to come to your senses, and it was the only way I could get you to understand. And look how it all turned out! You’re back home where you belong, and you don’t have to worry about that whore anymore.”

That nearly threw him into a fit. He wanted to punch the wall and throw things and demand answers. But that’s not how Becca worked. She needed to give out the information on her own - had to feel like she was taunting it. So he stayed quiet, waiting for her to tell him more.

“And then, you know, it turned out to be so much fun. No drama ever happens anymore, and the fact that I was the one creating it gave me such a thrill. I couldn’t possibly stop.”

“Like hell you won’t stop. Once I tell everyone what a sick fuck you are, you’ll never recover.” Composure be damned, he was fuming now. His sister, his own goddamn flesh and blood, had released a sextape of him and her best friend. That had to be illegal right? Wasn’t revenge porn a thing? God, this was going to ruin her.

“Oh, you think you’re just gonna waltz out of here and tell everyone? You’re very sorely mistaken, big brother. I have much worse shit on you than a 30 second clip of you screwing half naked. It’s amazing what kind of freaky fuckery people get up to when they don’t realize they’re being recorded in their own homes. The second you run your mouth, I’ll fucking destroy you.”

And so for two weeks, he had been racking his brain, trying to come up with a plan. All he wanted to do was talk to you, but he felt like that would set Becca over the edge too, and he wanted to have that plan first.

So while Becca was out shopping for a new outfit for the party tonight, Bucky snuck into her room in search of some answers, or really just a hail mary.

Thank god Becca was running late for her plans, because in her rush, she had left her laptop open and unlocked. Bucky started digging, knowing he had at least a couple hours, and found a file with seemingly every bit of information she’s accumulated as Gossip Girl. As much as he would love to be a good person, the only thing that really concerned him was a folder under your name. Really subtle, Becca.

But all he found are the recent pictures of you out, some less than flattering shots of you throughout the apartment, and an audio file that’s full of Bucky’s filthy mouth. Plus that fucking sextape. Other than that, there’s nothing. Not even in his folder, except for pictures of him when Becca blackmailed him into clubs and parties. She was lying, all to get Bucky back under her thumb.

He quickly deleted all of her files, making sure the drive was empty, before trying to call you. Even though he called her three times, all three went to voicemail. Starting to freak out, he prepared to rush to her apartment, then he got a text from Sam, asking him if he was going to the party tonight, and also letting him know that he would be showing up with you, as a friend. Bucky felt a sense of relief, and decided he would just speak to you tonight - plus that gave him a chance to form a real apology for how much of a dick he’s been.

Look alive, there’s a party brewing tonight and I’ve heard it’s gonna be a real hit. Make sure you bring your popcorn, you won’t wanna miss this.

xoxo, Gossip Girl

You were only going to this party for Sam. As far as you were concerned, Netflix on your couch was a much better idea. But in the wise words of Mr. Sam Wilson: there’s no party like a NYC party. Whatever, at least you looked good. All you planned to do was latch onto Sam while he made his rounds, then drag him back to your apartment so you could con him into a Jersey Shore marathon. And you really hoped you didn’t see Bucky - you just didn’t think you could deal with him tonight.

Lucky for you, he’s the first person you see as soon as you walk through the fucking doors. God was really playing a fun game here. You gave him a nod and headed for the kitchen, and you could see in his eyes how bad he wanted to follow you. Instead, he opted to greet his friend, and try to catch up with you later. Leaning against the counter, sipping from your cup, you saw Wanda fly into the room, obviously looking for something. Her eyes narrowed in on you before grabbing your arm and dragging you into the hallway, spilling half your drink in the process. Before you could even open your mouth, a jumble of words came rushing out of her.

“Becca’s here and she said she’s on a mission to find you and Sharon’s here and you know they’re no good together and Y/N you need to get out of here.” Her breath is coming out and pants and it takes a second for your brain to comprehend her words.

“W, I’m not scared of Becca. There’s nothing she can possibly do that’ll make this worse. I’m sick of giving her the upper hand; as much as I don’t want to be here, I have every damn right, and these are my friends. I’m not leaving.”

“She said she has something on you, something big, and that she’s going to send it to Gossip Girl if you don’t do what she wants. Before you ask, no I don’t know what it is, but I think you need to go and figure it out before she confronts you.”

While you didn’t give a shit about what else she supposedly had on you, you really didn’t have the energy to deal with her right now, so you just nodded. As you turned on your heel to head back towards the front door, you made eye contact with Bucky, spotting Becca over his shoulder. Before you could even think, he had grabbed you by the arm, pulling you close to him. He led you back through the kitchen and hallway, into an empty bedroom. You didn’t say anything until you were behind the closed door, not wanting to make a scene. But the second you heard the lock click, your emotions overcame you.

“What the hell, Buck? We don’t talk for weeks and all of a sudden you want to be my knight in shining armor? You spend weeks under the same roof as her and suddenly you’re on my side? I don’t get it. You broke up with me. So what’s your angle here?” Your hands were shaking and your breath was shallow, but you refused to cry right now. All these months you hadn’t let yourself breakdown, you weren’t about to start now. The only thing you wanted was to be wrapped in Bucky’s arms, but that wasn’t an option either.

“It’s her. Y/N, Becca is Gossip Girl.” If you thought you were having trouble breathing before, it was nothing compared now. Of course it was her. Who else could possibly be this cruel? “Please believe me when I say that I am so sorry. I found out a couple of days after I- well, after I started staying there. I overheard her on the phone, talking to Sharon. They planned the whole thing to get us to break up, but Becca just… she just didn’t want to stop. The first thing I wanted to do was tell you, so we could tell everyone else. But she told me she had more on us, that she was recording in the apartment. She held that over me to get anything she wanted. I couldn’t risk it, not when it involved you.”

So Wanda was right, Becca did have more. If she had been recording in your apartment, she could have anything. You had to get out of there, now. Bucky must have seen the panic written all over your face, because he wrapped his arms around you, softly rubbing circles along your back.

“She was lying. I searched her computer; she was lying. She’s messed up, and I think she needs help, but there’s nothing to worry about.” At his words, you finally broke down. The only thing keeping you on your feet was Bucky’s arms, and you let every pent up emotion free. It was like a roller coaster, but the more you let it out, the more your sadness and sorrow faded away, and your anger took the forefront.

You didn’t give a fuck about what might be wrong with her, the fact of that matter was that she had invaded your privacy, she had put both yours and Bucky’s futures and potential careers at stake. And she didn’t have a second thought about it. It was unimaginable, trying to wrap your head around it. She had no excuse, no sense of guilt, and you wanted to make sure she got put in her place.

You pushed yourself off Bucky, giving him a searing kiss, before whispering an I love you and heading towards the door. Becca stood in the middle of the living room, talked to Sharon, who nodded her head at you as you walked up to them. You could tell by the look on her face that she had been waiting to see you all night. But before you could say a word, you grabbed her by the hair and pushed her up against the wall.

“You conniving little bitch. You think you can get away with fucking anything. You’ve gone unchecked for too long and you are fucking done. Do you understand?” You took a step back, knowing you now had the attention of everyone at the party. “Anyone curious about Gossip Girl? Does anyone want to know who’s been spreading lies and trying to ruin everyone? Well you’re looking at her right now. Rebecca Barnes, we all knew she was evil, but did you expect this? I certainly should have.” Eyes still burning with rage, you turned back to her. “You’re done, Beck. Done.”

Not wanting to let her get another word in, you grabbed her arm and pulled her out the front door, down the elevator and through the lobby until you were out on the sidewalk.

“I should rip your hair out right here, but unlike you, I have class. Plus, you know I have the power to do much worse.” You felt a hand on your lower back, and turned to see that Bucky had followed you. His eyes calmed you, and you let go of Becca’s arm in order to pull out your phone. They both looked at you in utter confusion, but you just pressed the call without a word.

“Hi, Winnie, I’ve missed you so much.” A pause. “You’re back in the city? I didn’t know that! You’ve just been gone so long.” As she responds, you see that Becca has gone pale in the face. It was a power move, to call their mother, and you knew it. Winnifred Barnes had always held a soft spot for you, even more so than her own daughter at times; you suspected this was because you treated her with respect and loved her just like your own mom, whereas Becca had always possessed that mean streak, and her attitude didn’t stop with her mother. You always tried to cushion her blows, even when you all were younger, and it put a little bit of hope back into Winnie’s heart.

“Yes, I promise I’ll come over for lunch soon, but I should probably get around to why I called.” You told her every last detail, from the start of it six months ago, down to the last two weeks. Even Bucky looked queasy at the thought of what his mother might do with this information. “So you can see, dear, why I had to get you involved. We’re just so worried for her, and her mental state, of course. I know you tried to raise us all with a good head on our shoulders, so I knew you would be able to take care of everything… I’ll keep her safe until you get here, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon, ma. Kisses.”

Becca looked absolutely petrified as you put your phone back in your purse, but that only put a smug smile on your face. “What did you do? I won’t see the city again for years, you know that. I mean they sent Sarah to rehab in Philly just because they caught her with a joint once.” She couldn’t help her voice from shaking, and you almost felt bad.

“You need help, Rebecca. This isn’t okay; it’s not normal. I think some time away from the city will be good for you, anyways. Even with what you did, you’re not evil, but you need to face the consequences for your actions that were.” As much as you wanted to continue your lecture, Winnie’s car pulling up to the curb stopped you. She stepped out of the backseat and came over to kiss both you and Bucky on the cheek before turning her attention to her daughter, placing a hand on each of her shoulders.

“I already talked to your father, honey. We decided it’s best if you take a little break from everything going on. You know your dad’s cousins, out in Minnesota? We know they’d be more than willing to take you in while we get you set up with a therapist. You can even transfer to the university there, if you want, or take some time off from school altogether. All we want is what’s best for you. Give it some time, and we’ll take everything after as it comes.”

Becca just looked defeated climbing into the backseat, not bothering to take a glance back as the car drove off. You may never forgive her, but she deserved a chance to figure her shit out, just as much as anyone else; you could only hope she would actually take the help being given.

Bucky pulled you out of your thoughts by cupping your face in both of his hands, eyes brimming with tears. “I’m sorry you even had to do that, I’m sorry any of this happened. If I could go back into time, I would change everything - I would have stayed by your side through all of this. Hell, I would go back to when I was 17 and tell Becca to hell with her problems, because I was in love with you. As much as I would like to change, I have no regrets as long as it got me to your side. You’re home, where I’m meant to be. I don’t need anything else.”

Just when you thought you had cried it all out, tears were streaming down your face as he pulled you flush against his body, kissing you like his life depended on it. He gave you every ounce of apology and love through his lips, and it felt just like he had described: home.

Spotted: B and Y/I making out- I mean making up outside the party of the year. Looks like they’re getting their happy ending. Unfortunately for Beck, every fairytale needs an evil to be defeated, and Mama Barnes looks an awful lot like a satisfied fairy godmother from where I’m standing. Count your blessings, everyone, it’s hard to tell when a fairytale takes a turn into a horror story. Just hope that you either way, you have a hero to come save you. Enjoy life while you can, my pretties.

happily ever after, Gossip Girl

tagging some frens *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

@lovinggbarnes @artisancowbells @comfortbucky @starrysebastians @starbuckie @calisamcro @buckys-darling @angrythingstarlight @asgardwinter @gray-reads @pellucid-constellations @igotnoname4thisblog @signofthebarnes @cupidsbarnes

#bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes au #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel au #mcu #mcu fanfic #college au #best friends brother #tiff writes

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gb-patch · 3 years

Text

Ask Answers: June 6th, 2021

I’m back with more ask responses! You can also check our Frequently Asked Question sheet if there’s something you’re wondering that’s not answered here.

FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

Thank you for the patience with these questions ♡

Hey in very beginning of step 3 in the scene where Mr.Holden had a thought dancing on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself after MC and Cove were being cute (idk if it makes a difference but this is when they're dating)... Can we know what he was thinking/ wanted to say? It's been bugging me lol

He would’ve gone into a “look how much you’ve grown”, “your dad is so proud of you”, “I’m so glad things worked out with the MC”, and etc spiel, haha. But he resisted the urge to fawn on his baby boy, at least for that scene.

If we planned to move away for college/future plans in step 3, is it implied that MC and Cove would have a long distance relationship for sure? Could MC have convinced Cove to come with them? How is the dynamic of their relationship going to be addressed in Step 4, if that makes sense?

Cove is willing to follow the MC where they went after everything is settled for them there, and if they’re sure they want him to come! You’ll get to decide how things shook out during those transitional years just by making choices about it during the opening prologue of Step 4.

Hi! First off, how does it feel to have created one of the best games when it comes to inclusion for lbtq+ peeps? I've never felt as validated with my identity and sexuality when playing a game and I'm seemingly not alone ♥ Second, and this might be a little too specific, but what kinds of drinks does Cove like as well as dislike? Thank you, you're the best ♥

Thank you for very much! It’s really nice to hear the game felt inclusive. Cove likes regular water and fruit juices/smoothies most! He dislikes coffee and cola, and he’s not super into most teas either.

Hi, may i ask what gb patch stands for? Specifically the gb part lol

It stands for my old, silly username I used in places like Neopets as a kid, aha. The company name wasn’t super thought out since it was originally just me making VNs as a hobby. Luckily, “GB Patch” kind of seems like it could mean something reasonable, so I didn’t have to rebrand when it did become a more serious, commercial group.

If we chose to not propose to cove in the step 3 dlc would he propose or would the mc propose in step 4 or the wedding dlc?

Yeah, you or Cove can propose in Step 4 if you’re not already engaged! The Wedding DLC takes place after the engagement so the proposal scenes aren’t there.

will you guys announce if the early access for the new game is out on patreon ?

When beta builds of Step 4 or whatever start coming out on the Patreon we will mention it here on social media too.

Heyy I just had a quick question about Baxter if that’s okay :)?

I saw in an ask+answer that it’s possible to casually date Baxter In step 3, but what leads up to that? I have the step 3 dlc and I’ve tried playing them In a different orders and ways but it doesn’t seem to get anywhere ^^;

The Step 3 DLC is Cove-based because he’s the default guy. There’s a separate Baxter romance DLC that’s not out yet. That’s where you can get him to date you. I’m sorry for the confusion!

Will we ever get any LI's or side characters with physical disabilities or deformities? I think your games would be a great place to have them in since they're always so accepting and safe!

Yeah, we do hope to have representation for that in future projects ^^. Thank you for the confidence in us.

Is it possible to get Cove to take the bed and MC to sleep on the floor?

Not in Step 3, I’m afraid.

So, I have played the prologue of Our Life countless times and I haven't gotten the [Your Life] achievement, why is that?

Steam sometimes isn’t connected properly when an achievement unlocks and so it remains locked on your account. If that happens, unfortunately getting the scene again won’t unlock it. The achievement becomes inaccessible because the game thinks you already have it. Playing with the same Steam account on a different device or fully deleting your game data (more than the only the save files) are the only work arounds we’ve found.

Since when you talk with Jeremy in step 3 it's mentioned he goes on dates with someone (which assume is JB because who else would take this boy on dates) that makes him happy, does that sort of make JB and Jeremy the canon relationship in the first game?

The default for XOXO Droplets is that JB casually goes on dates with each of the jerks! Shiloh would’ve been harsher if Jeremy was the only guy getting her attention, haha. But the player can change that default by dating just one person the whole game for their own story and who she ends up with for real has no default.

Hi, hello! Huge OL fan, thank you so much for the wholesome content, it was very much needed during these times. Managed to get several people to join team Cove, so that's very exciting, I always have people to fawn over him with. I have a little question and I'm sorry if it was asked before, but does it ever come up in the game what Cove has told his mom about us? (who knows, with so many options, one can miss it) Or, alternatively, will it come up in the Step 4 DLC?

Thank you very much for sharing the game with people <3. It’s really great to hear people are liking it. Right now that doesn’t come up in game. Kyra is willing to keep her mouth shut and Cove isn’t gonna have that conversation either. At least not when he’s younger, but yes, perhaps when he’s a fully grown big boy in Step 4 you can ask him about it.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since it has been confirmed that there would be two love interests for OL2, would there be the possibility of forming a polyamorous relationship with both love interests? I’m sorry if you answered this previously, I’m just curious.

We are considering it, but it’s not a guarantee yet. It’d be really great to have but it’d add so many extra alterations that’d need to made, aha.

Hello! You mentioned how Cove would be uncomfortable with kids at 23, but how old would he be when he’s comfortable with having/adopting kids? (Same goes for the other LI’s.) btw, love your game!!

He’d want to be at least 25, but even older would be good. Derek would want to have kids when he and his partner could reasonably support them, the age itself wouldn’t matter. If they were doing good at 22 and wanted kids, he’d be up for it. Or they could wait until their 30s or whatever. Baxter is also more of a “when it feels right” guy rather than having a specific age requirement. Cove is just especially wary of being a young parent because of his own parents. I’m happy you like the game!

does step 4 immediately play after you press "end summer" in step 3? or is there another button/transition (like the story text thingy) before the epilogue begins? what happens after the epilogue? roll credits? 😂

Step 4 will have transition section always and there will be an extra button, if you own the Derek or Baxter DLC. By default the Cove-based version of Step 4 just plays once Step 3 is over. However, having the other guys’ storylines will mean you get to pick which version of Step 4 plays; Cove Step 4 (the basic one), Derek Step 4, or Baxter Step 4.

Happy pride, thank you for all you do for us🥰

I have a quick question though, I recently got a MacBook after my old windows computer broke, and now steam says I cannot download it, but it has no issues with other games, what can I do to download it?? I’m sorry if my English is bad

Happy pride month! Unfortunately, Our Life isn’t available for Mac on Steam right now. To be an approval application Apple requires having special notarization and we as a small group haven’t gotten that. Itch doesn’t care and lets us release the game for Mac there anyway, Steam does care so we’re locked out of putting the Mac build up on their storefront. Feel free to email us and we can try to help the situation out further!

[email protected]

Hello! I was jus wondering if the Baxter and Derek DLCs are still happening? I haven’t heard anything about them on here or patreon in a while so I just wanted to make sure ^^

They’re still coming and we just released a new sprite sketch on the Patreon for the Derek DLC c:. But right now Step 4 is still much more of a priority. Once that’s closer to being done we’ll focus way more on sharing previews for the other guys.

is it possible to tell cove you love him (platonically) at step 3 fondness/selecting him as basically family? i just love the mc and liz sibling interactions and it got me wondering about it (especially if you've selected that option)

You and Cove can be as close as family, but there’s not a specific scene in Step 3 where you say “I love you” in a family context. But there’s always Step 4~

do you intend on ever adding a collectors mode to Our Life? Like a way to collect achievements and CGs for the gallery without it effecting any save files?

We weren’t considering it before. But if a lot of players would find that helpful, we could start thinking on that!

Sorry if it's a silly question haha, but (in crush/love) is Cove really aware of how cute and cuddly he seems to MC? If so, what does he think or do about it? Or does he just ignore it?

He isn’t particular aware. Cove never truly stops being surprised that the MC is interested in/attracted to him, haha.

Would you say that the alone ending of xoxo droplets is worth playing again to get?

Nope, haha. The goal is to make friends/get a boyfriend and so the alone ending is kind of the bad ending for the game. Though there is a consolation prize if you get it by accident.

Is there any possible situation which would ever prompt Pran to bake for his girlfriend? Like I know it's unlikely I mean even if JB broke her leg somehow I'm pretty sure he'd still be like "I considered baking you a cake and doing the frosting the way I think looks interesting but you don't deserve a cake, no one does." right but also ahhh it would be super nice if some day he just surprised her with baked goods one day out of nowhere. JB would be so shocked it would be cute. So is there any possible situation where that could/would be a thing that he would do?

He might bake out of spite, like if he felt he had to prove her wrong on something. Or if JB used some good reverse psychology on him. Or he might do it in a relatively nice way if he could make his GF so shocked by the kind gesture that his amusement with that overrode his insistence on not being sweet. Pran is very difficult in high school, aha.

Is the "one route (where) it can be seen that Everett will drop his seemingly eternal waging with Jeremy pretty easily and can start getting along without thinking much on it" the Lucas route? I'm curious!

Yep! Everett will side with Jeremy if it’s between him and Lucas.

Hi I hope you guys are having a great day :) I just had to ask how Cliff would feel about Cove's partner/fiancé Mc calling them dad whether it be accidental or otherwise and secondly I also wanted to ask how he would feel about being asked to be the one to give the mc away at their wedding.

He would be very touched and excited! I hope you have a good day too :D

Hello! I saw an ask relating to whether Cliff "moves on" after Cove's grown up and stuff (and he stays single), but what about Kyra? Will she be with anyone else or will she stay single?

She does start dating again, but she takes it slow.

Hi! I absolutely love the art for characters in OL and I wonder is this fine to draw my MC in same drawing style and upload online later? Is this something artists would be okay with? Thank you!

Yeah, you can certainly do that C:

Hey there!

I wonder if I'm just being stupid here.. Is Step 4 a DLC? And if so, where can I find it? I can't seem to find it on Steam :< Thank you!

Step 4 is a free epilogue! It’s not done yet, but once it is finished you’ll just update your game file and Step 4 will be there after Step 3 ends.

hi! are step 4 and the wedding dlc two different things?

They are. Step 4 is a free epilogue that’ll be a default part of the game once it’s done, the wedding DLC is an optional paid expansion that takes place after Step 4.

Why did Baxter not receive a step 2 sprite seeing how he shows up later

Sprites are time consuming to draw and take money out of the budget that could’ve gone to other things. His tiny appearance in Step 2 wasn’t worth all the effort to make a sprite, aha.

I just realized, what happens if if you get the patreon exclusive moment but at a later date, when you don't have the membership anymore, it's updated (like a bugs fix update for example)? Would you have to get the membership again?

You would have to get the membership again to redownload the build. But there’s very little chance there’s going to be an update once it’s been out for over a month. If a build gets released with errors, players catch/report them within the first few days. So by the time the first subscription period ends, any problems that were noticeable would already have been fixed. And we’re certainly not gonna be adding new content to it once it’s been released for a long time. There’s no need to worry about missing out on something worthwhile in the future if you cancel your membership. It’s being made with the idea in mind that many players are gonna be getting it and then going.

Hello! Wanted to ask about gaming choice in step 3? Once upon a playthorugh I got the option to buy Cove a bracelet for his graduation present. I played the same basic character again and that option wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure where I went wrong. My Cove wears a bracelet on each hand and my MC is into fashion and jewelry. Do I need to put an earring on him or? Sorry, love your game so much.

He also needs to have liked bracelets in Step 2 for that to be considered a good gift option for him. Sorry for the confusion! I’m happy you love the game :)

Is Step 4 being released at the same time as the Wedding DLC or will the first come before the latter? Thank you!

I’m not sure. Ideally they’ll come out at the same time, but the wedding DLC has a lot of art to get done and we may have to release it after Step 4.

Can mc still get confession from Cove at the end of step 3 even if mc casually dates Baxter in step 3? Such as in crush mode?

I don’t think so. Maybe that’ll change, but generally there’s differences to the Step 3 ending if you were dating Baxter and those differences likely will conflict with getting the Cove confession.

For the patreon moments/dlcs, will it be available for all tiers?

It’ll be available for tier 2 (Fans) and up!

#our life #xoxo droplets #gb patch #ask #gb patch games #Our Life Beginnings & Always

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abused-sides · 3 years

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Ghost Parade

Synopsis: Ghost/Demon AU with human Logan, abused, who just ran away into the house Janus and Remus haunt. The others will exist in this au as well.

Read on Ao3

___

Something was off from the moment Logan moved in.

He’d arrived at the house feeling heavy, lethargy dragging his movements and his eyes lidded. The moon shone down on the driveway, still wet from the earlier rain. He turned off his car and found his overnight bag— thank God I packed this —before heading up the drive.

His hands trembled as he found his keys. When he stepped into the house, it was cold. Wind blew from the open door, forcing a violent shiver through Logan’s hunger-panged frame, so he stepped fully inside and slammed it close. It echoed through the house.

Something fluttered to the ground— a folded piece of paper. Logan set his overnight bag down and picked up the note.

Went ahead and cleaned the place up for you! I’m right next door if you need anything.

—Patton

Logan shoved the note in his pocket. He dragged his bag into the living room, waiting until he reached the carpet before shimmying out of his pants and collapsing on the ground.

His ribs ached with fresh bruises. Every time he drew in a breath, his body rattled like everything was a step away from coming loose. He wanted to find the blanket he’d stuffed in his bag, but couldn’t convince his limbs to move. He fell asleep like that.

He woke up in the middle of the night to something soft being settled over his shoulders. He was too cold to be scared. He pulled the blanket tighter and fell back asleep.

The sun streaming through his curtainless blinds woke him. He propped himself up on one hand, the other rubbing his eye as he yawned.

He stared down at the blanket.

Must’ve done it in his sleep. It got freezing at night.

After waking up a moment, he trudged back outside to bring in some boxes. He had four boxes total, most of them clothes. It didn’t take long to bring everything inside.

He decided to fold his clothes and line them along the living room wall. He didn’t have any furniture, and he sure as hell didn’t have the money for any, so he planned on staying in the living room until things got settled. Until he was safe.

He dumped his box of clothes on the ground. The doorbell rang.

His heart hammered, drowning out any other noise. His palms sweat. The room spun.

“Hello? You up yet?” A sweet voice called. “I brought breakfast!”

Logan blinked. That didn’t sound like them.

He shakily rose to his feet and crept over to the door. He peeked through the peep hole.

A short, freckly boy with brown skin and curly hair stood on his doorstep, arms piled with tupperware.

He cracked the door open. “Hello?”

“Hi! You’re Logan?”

“Yes. Do I know you…?”

He shook his head. “Nope! I’m Patton. Talyn told me you were coming and I know the house pretty well, so I’ve been taking care of it. Just wanted to drop in and make sure it’s treating you well!”

Logan hesitated, then pulled the door open while clearing his throat. “Uh, yeah, sure. What’s…?”

“Breakfast!” He strided through the foyer, the living room, into the kitchen, where he lined the containers up on the counter. “I wasn’t sure what you liked. I made toast, eggs, bacon… I think I have some waffles here somewhere…”

“That’s…” Logan swallowed. His chest was tight. “That’s really sweet, but I couldn’t—”

“Have you eaten today?”

Logan paused.

“Come on, I made too much! Please, take as much as you want.”

Patton poked his head in the living room, looking around. “Still as neat as I left it. I can tell you’re pretty neat, too.”

Logan blushed. “I’m sorry about that, I was about to—”

He stopped at Patton’s side.

His clothes were folded.

Neatly, colour coordinated.

“Uh…”

Patton smiled and urged him towards the kitchen. Logan nibbled on a piece of toast, ignoring his growling stomach. “So how are you liking it so far? It’s treating you well?”

“It’s… yeah? It’s been okay. I got in late last night. It gets cold.”

“Yeah, that turns a lot of people off. But it’s got a lot of good qualities! Just a little cold sometimes.” Patton hopped up on a bar stool and swung his legs. “This is a really good house, Logan. A lot of people have wanted to live here, but couldn’t.”

He frowned deeply. “What does that mean?”

“They couldn’t stomach it. Not that I can blame them, but they were squeamish. Are you squeamish?”

Logan stared.

“I’m getting carried away,” he said softly. “I’ll leave you to it. Uh, just return those tupperwares whenever! And if you need help finding a job, let me know, too! I’ve got a home bakery next door, I could use an assistant.”

Logan nodded slowly. He followed to make sure Patton left, and locked the door behind him.

He checked the food before he continued eating. He wasn’t sure if he’d actually be able to notice if it were drugged, but he had to try. He also couldn’t turn the food down. His stomach clawed itself to shreds, screaming for something. Logan ate himself sick.

He spent the first two hours after unpacking, then headed into town to look for work. It wasn’t easy without a phone or laptop. He eventually found his way to the library, and spent all day sending out resumes and filling in applications. After exhausting every opportunity, he found a quiet cafe and waited out the rest of the day, eyes alert.

He got home around eleven. A mattress laid in the centre of his room, and he could have cried if he wasn’t so confused.

He plucked the note off the pillow.

Noticed you didn’t have a good place to sleep, and that simply wouldn’t do! Hope you don’t mind me coming in, I wanted to surprise you. And don’t you dare think about repaying me— just get me that tupperware back and maybe send over one of your resumes.

—Patton

Logan wiped his face and tossed the note on the ground. He plopped onto the mattress.

Something rustled underneath him. He flip-flopped around for a moment before finally pulling out the rose he’d landed on. It was crumpled now, blood red and otherwise immaculate. There were no thorns.

Logan blushed.

No. Patton wasn’t flirting. There would be no reason for him to…

Was there?

Logan buried his face in the pillow. He was too tired to pick through his parents’ lies. He fell asleep.

Voices drifted into his dream.

“That was dangerous and you know it.”

“I couldn’t help it! I looove him!”

“Remus. You’re going to scare him off. That’s not what you want, is it?”

“No… It’s not.”

“No more roses. Got it?”

“Yeah, Jan, I got it.”

Logan forced his eyes open, and could’ve sworn he saw two figures on the staircase— one draped in flowing black fabric, the other sat on their haunches, eyes glowing green.

Then sleep dragged him back down.

hey... anyone wanna... talk to me about this au? 👀 please reblog btw!

#ghost parade au #logan centric #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #intruloceit #and also maybe virgil idk #or moxiety?#can't decide #virgil writes

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spade-snax · 3 years

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Alright! Here goes my Bugsnax Grumpus last name headcanon!

(This ended up being way longer than I thought it would've been, oh god-)

I think we all can agree that the headcanon where a Grumpus child has their parent's combined last names as their own last name is a very common headcanon people share. It's a good one! Even I like it a lot. And when applied to OCs or fankids it makes for some hilarious names.

It'd make sense in-canon and I feel like it gives the Grumpus world more depth as their own little tradition. (Honestly give me ANY culture/tradition headcanon for Grumpuses PLEASE THOSE ARE MY FAVORITEEEE I even had one for teeth a while ago that I may share publicly one day!!)

But I've been thinking about this, especially because of Cromdo and my own OCs - Neddy and Rason Honeyfidget. With Rason being Neddy's dad, if we only used this headcanon then Neddy shouldn't have this last name... Well, there's a lore reason why he doesnt and that is that his mother has died while he was still an egg, a while before hatching. Rason made him take on "Honeyfidget" only.

But that's just the backstory that got me thinking at the name traditions as a whole, so I'll try to avoid OC talk any further to make this friendlier for others who do not know about my OCs and are just interested in reading this headcanon.

Another headcanon I want to mention as I apply it to my own is the headcanon that Triffany changed her last name to Bronica's last name as a way to honor her. You can definitely change your name to anything you want in the Grumpus world, but changing your last name to a relative's like your grandparent's last name is possibly quite common!

And now I want to bring up Cromdo and the fact he is divorced. It has been confirmed that Cromdo is divorced and that his name may reflect that. (Though originally it was answered in the AMA that "Cromdo Face" just sounded funny at first and that it is possible that he did loose a half of his last name this way!)

Also I want to say that he wasn't abusive to the child mentioned! I remember there was a small confusion and drama about that. And I believe one of the devs on the YH discord mentioned that the 1# tie was a reference to Octodad. I do not remember if that confirmed that he is a father or if this answer by Sage was possibly wrong. He cannot see the child because he lost custody of them and lost in court. I do not have screenshot evidence of this. On a side-note I believe this could be one of the reasons he grew to be so money hungry. He didn't have enough money back then to keep his child. Again I want to say it could be ONE of the reasons and not the exact reason why he is this way.

This is more so of an ramble about my headcanon and what I want to say rather than some comprehensive thing, I am so sorry dfwergeg it's just how I write and explain things and I gotta mention it ALL (Great addition to "Guzma, your ADHD is showing")

Anyways, back on track with my HC.

But in this/my headcanon - Cromdo is divorced, he has had a child, and lost a part of his last name because of the divorce. I do not know how human marriage last name and stuff works properly so uh, see this as just speculation about a fictional species' culture rather than a carbon copy of our own. Which it clearly isn't LOL

I personally think that you can do multiple things with your last name when you get married! (And how it can affect the child's last name!)

Let's use Chandlo and Snorpy as examples, because I think they make great last name combinations. (And Snorplo is HELLA !!/pos)

- You can change your last name to your partner's last name, like we do commonly. (At least, with all the cultures I'm aware of and how marriage works for us.) Examples: Snorpy Funkbun, Chandlo Fizzlebean

(This one isn't very common to do!)

- You can change one half of your last name to a half from your partner's last name. Examples: Snorpy/Chandlo Funkbun/Fizzlebun

(Not as common either, but it still happens. It is actually more common than the first example. This was the case for Cromdo. I'll get back to this later. Grumps usually reserve this for their childen, which is the most common way of naming your children!)

- You keep your last name after marriage! Example: Snorpy Fizzlebean. Chandlo Funkbun. Canon examples would be Wambus and Triffany as well!

(Most common one to do as many wear their last names with pride or for other reasons - such as Trifanny when she changed her last name to Bronica's last name in this headcanon.)

Before we get to the kids again, I'm gonna go back to Cromdo and what can happen during divorce.

During divorce you can simply change your name back if you changed it, or keep the last name you took from your partner. Many simply change their last names back to what they were originally. Some, if they went by the half/half method, take away the half from their ex-partner only. This leaves some Grumpuses with one worded last names, such as Cromdo.

I think he changed a half of his last name during marriage. After the divorce, he didn't want to "wear" his partner's name anymore and changed his name to Cromdo Face only as Face was a part of his last name he was given at birth. This is most often the default for Grumpuses who have been divorced and took only half of their partner's last name.

If Cromdo - (or any Grumpus with a one-word last name! There's certainly rare cases of Grumpuses who have one word that didn't go through divorce. Possibly Grumpuses with bad attachment to one of their parents - so they change or remove that half of the last name they got from said parent. If their last name was a combination.) - were to re-marry he could take one half of his new partner's last name, or not change his name at all.

I want to get onto how naming a child would work with this situation, so I will talk about ways of naming children before I get back to this! And by naming I of course mean the last names only, lol.

(One rule is that, unless you change your name later in real life for any reason, it's gonna have to be one of these otherwise! Your Grump parent cannot make you up a new last name. It is just a part of the tradition they have. Though re-naming isn't looked upon in any way by the majority of Grumpuses as there are many reasons to do so!! Unless you're a jerk or you value your last name TOO much.) (Also when I say "you" I don't mean YOU as the reader literally. I mean a hypothetical Grumpus child!! It's just how I like wording things.

(...I've been writing for almost an hour, brain scrampled eg)

- Your last name is the combined name of your parent's last names. Examples: Fizzlebun, Funkbean

(VERY COMMON! Most Grumpuses will do this when first naming their child!)

- Your keep one of your parent's last name! Fizzlebean or Funkbun.

(This all works if you have multiple parents btw! Can make for SUPER crazy long and funny last names. This *all* applies to marriage, too! I hope it is easily applicable. I do not want to go in depth on that. Feel free to hit me an ask about this if you want me to explain it more in depth!! I wouldn't want to exclude polyamorous relationships ^^ )

(Also yes, last names that are just the same word repeated twice/multiple times are possible too. Fizzlefizzle, Funkfunk... How fun are these to say? Gives me Grumpus OC name ideas already.)

But yes! Back to Cromdo! Or any Grumpus in the same situation, but as I've stater earlier, Cromdo is just an example here. If he were to re-marry and NOT change his name, there's two posibilities:

His new partner has a full last name.

In this situation, if they have a child they can keep the full last name from Cromdo's partner. Or they can have one word from his partner + Face. For reasons stated below the child cannot have "Face" as their only last name.

His new partner has a one-worded, short last name like he does.

In this situation, if they have a child they have to name it a combination of their last name's. No exception. Having a short last name is a sign of something happening in your life, and it is traditionally not put onto a child, unless they are adopted with no last name. That still counts as something that happened in their life, as their birth parents possibly just gave them away with no care in the world.

------------------------------------------

At this point I am almost completely off track, so please do ask me questions as I am not sure where I completely left off - Or rather if there is something I forgot that I wanted to mention.

By the way, for combining last names and such, you can also mis-match! Doesn't even have to be combinations. This applies to everything, even for (Full last name + one-word last names) where it makes sense the most. Examples: Beanfizzle, Bunfunk, Bunbean, Bunfizzle, Beanbun, Beanfunk. I'm personally a big fan of Bunfunk and Beanbun :P)

And this applies to siblings, too! It isn't uncommon for parents naming their children mis-matched last name combinations if they have multiple ones. (This ties into my headcanon for Filbo's many siblings and that he isn't a single child. He's in a big household and has at least 2 siblings. ONE OF WHICH I want to make into an OC! This requires me to make the parents, too, but I am not so bothered about that :P)

I'm out for now, all my brain power has left me a few paragraphs ago and I've got to go eat lunch

But again I encourage people to ask me questions (If anyone was brave enough to read through this!!)

And if I got anything wrong, do let me know! I am not all-knowing and I could've missed some VERY OBVIOUS mistakes.

And sorry if the writing is wonky at times! Sometimes it is done on purpose but sometimes the fact I only pretend I know how to write + the fact English is my second language IS SHOWING

(Also I sometimes just write how I think, without much thought put into the sentence if I don't proof read, so HSDFWERGRGT)

#bugsnax #longpost #long post #long #bugsnax hc #bugsnax headcanons #bugsnax headcanon #i wanna make sure i tag this right edfwerg #brain scrampled eg.....

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vampish-glamour · 3 years

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Ok firstly, I stg this isn't a shitpost.

I'm a cis woman, butch as fuck, but still very much cis. I mean I've had issues with internalized misogyny and body dysmorphia, but never dysphoria (I think)

I really want to yodel. (This isn't a shitpost) But online, people have told me (mostly via a sideways, the music youtuber, video) that only people with high testosterone (aka men) can yodel. This is upsetting to me, as I've wanted to learn how for a while. (Again I know this is stupid as fuck but it isn't a joke or a shitpost)

Would it be a stupid decision for me to (either temporarily or what have you) try HRT or something similar in order to increase the testosterone in my body so that I can yodel? Or would I be potentially hurting myself?

I have no qualms with looking/sounding like a man, btw.

I know this sounds weird and extreme but it's something that's really bothered me for about a year now and I need some advice from people who understand what transgenderism actually is. If I were to ask the mogai crowd, they'd tell me to do it anyway bc they don't believe in gender. I figured you could help me with some advice or point me in the direction of someone who could give me some. (Please no terfs, radfems, or transphobes)

Sorry again, this is so weird to talk about, and I don't know who to go to lol

Hi! First of all, please don’t put down your interests!!! Yodelling is hella cool. And I’m pretty sure I’ve heard women do it.

I just searched it up, here’s a video of a little girl yodelling, and killing it!

Here’s Jewel,

a 12 year old girl,

A mom annoying her kid (the ending’s adorable omg),

Three women,

And I’m sure there’s much more out there! I just searched up “women yodelling” and these were fun to listen to!

Point is, clearly women are able to yodel. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were different techniques for men and women, since men and women have different voices. Maybe try specifically looking for female yodelling techniques, and if you’re looking for coaches—people who are either women themselves or know how to teach women. Right now you might be looking at sources made for/by males, which would make the techniques not applicable to females. In the same way techniques for females wouldn’t be applicable to males.

As for going on testosterone, I would say it’s not a good idea. Because it wouldn’t just be making you sound like a man, and being butch and looking like a man vs being on testosterone which makes you look like a man are very different things. One is being gnc and is about presentation, the other is taking hormones that physically change your body.

You have to keep in mind that testosterone is going to cause bottom growth, male pattern baldness, and facial hair (probably more, these are off the top of my head). I’ve heard trans men say that they experienced acne and increased sweating when they went on T, as well as oilier and rougher skin. I’m not sure of the effects on breasts, I think they may decrease in size? Either way, these side effects aren’t going to be taken well by a cis woman. It’s why detransitioners describe actually giving themselves gender dysphoria, because they experience physical changes that their brain knows shouldn’t be happening. And many of the changes aren’t temporary, which leaves long lasting effects on their mental health.

I would strongly recommend against going on T for something like this. Especially because from what it looks like, women can absolutely yodel without going on testosterone.

I’ll tag @kiss-the-cis and @myragewillendworlds because they have good sources on dysphoria and such, and might be able to give better information than I can if they wish. And you can also look through the sources on their blogs if you want to learn more!

And good luck with yodelling! it seems like a really cool thing to learn! 😄💕

#asks #anon #no need to apologize for sending this!

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jimlingss · 3 years

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Hey Kina!! any advice about the LSAT exam you could provide? I’m about to graduate as well, and I haven’t taken the LSAT yet QQ, I’m starting to study now and planning to take it August. I’m in Canada I’m hoping to get a response by December after I finish my application in Oct.

LG and reading comp. literally traumatize me with the time limit and I feel so burnt out whenever I look at the books and plan my time for how many hours i need to study a week. I’m only really only a week in and my head pounds.

I would really appreciate the advice! I’m an absolute fan of all of your stories, i don’t know how you manage to juggle writing with school and upcoming graduation, what a god 🤯

you give me too much credit but hell yes I have advice regarding the LSAT. That exam is really something and it feels like I’ve went to hell and back so I’m happy to help others however I can with it.

I’ll break this answer down with my experience and then my recommendation.

Experience: I started studying for the LSAT six months before I took it. I went in completely blind and started with practice test LSAT 40 and scored about 143. ofc I timed it. When you take the practice exams, you have to simulate actual testing conditions as best as you can, so that means printing it out and doing it with the timing restrictions. The first 3 LSAT tests I did I scored in the 140s.

I gradually improved and hit the 150s range. At first I did the entire test in one sitting (with breaks ofc) but it’s so time consuming that I started just doing one section a day. But on Saturdays, I did one entire practice test and on Sundays I would mark that + go through it. So on average, I did 2 practice tests a week.

But then disaster struck when I was stuck in the 150s.

From practice LSAT 43-70 no matter how much I went through it, how much I studied, I could not break into the 160s that I needed. At best I could maybe get 159, but typically I was scoring 155. Which clearly isn’t enough. I started to panic. I knew I needed to do something different.

So I picked up The Loophole by Ellen Cassidy. During that time, I didn’t do any practice tests whatsoever. I stopped doing LSAT and went through the book a chapter a day. And while it’s focused in LR, a few chapters really helped me out with reading comp. I think there’s 14 chapters (if I remember correctly) so it took me around 2 weeks to go through it. Maybe I should’ve slowed down but I was running out of time. But the book helped me break into the 160s. I loved it.

I was pretty happy and relieved and from LSAT 70ish-89, I was scoring from 160-169 with an average of 164.

COVID was a thing by then so the LSAT was online. I had saved the two practice tests they have online and practiced with those and when the day came, I did it in a quiet space without any interruption. I ended up with a 160.

A bit of a bummer considering I was scoring 164 consistently before that but it’s good enough, I can’t really complain. I decided not to re-take it.

Recommendation: Honestly if I had to recommend to someone how to approach the LSAT, I’d tell them to take the first 3 LSAT practice tests blind w/o any knowledge of what it is and without any prior textbook reading. Learn by doing it and get the gist of what it’s about.

After the first 3 LSAT practice tests, pick up The LSAT Trainer by Mike Kim. I don’t have experience with it personally but I’ve heard great things about it from others. ((For me - I thought I didn’t need textbooks and I could study completely on my own but that was very dumb. I honestly wish I had more time, I would’ve picked this book up + the Loophole sooner)).

After completing The LSAT trainer (try to do it in a month? to not waste time? if possible). Then do a few more LSAT practice tests. I’d say 5 of them?

After that, pick up The Loophole. Do that within a month. Then just keep rolling with the LSAT practice tests.

The most recent practice test released is your holy grail. That will be the test most similar to the actual test you will receive so make sure you save that one but make it one of your last tests. For me that was LSAT 89 (or 90?) but there might’ve been newer ones by now. There’s no point in studying LSAT 1-39 because they’re so old that it won’t be that similar to what you’ll take.

ALTERNATIVELY - Sign up for 7sage. I know loooots of people do that. Don’t really know how it works since I haven’t used it but it’s advantageous if your LSAT will be online since 7sage is also online.

I’d still pick up those two books I mentioned above tho.

Other Recommendations - LSAT is sooo time consuming that your whole day is basically consumed by it. Not to mention you have to mark it and learn your mistakes afterwards. Look into doing a timed section a day? That’s only 35 mins so it becomes wayyy more manageable.

Also take marking very seriously. You learn just as much from what you did right and wrong as actually doing the timed section.

Another note, make a whole schedule to manage yourself. I made a google document on what I was going to do every single day. What section. What practice exam. What chapter of what textbook. Plan it all and then by the end when you have the plan, you’ll feel a lot more comforted. Like wow it’s not thatttt much + as long as I follow through with this and do a little a day, I’ll make it.

One more thing - take the exam when you start consistently scoring what you want to score. If you want to score in the 160s and you’ve been hitting that mark for the past 5-10 exams, you are probably ready. If you study too much, that’s a bad thing too. You want that sweet spot timing before you’re burnt out.

Also take breaks. Schedule them in. One day breaks. It’s easy to be burnt out.

((I got most of my practice tests for free btw on b-ok.cc)).

Now I’ll be a bit more specific in my advice....

LR - The Loophole helped me a lot with LR. Also I did a lot of LR practice questions and I naturally started to pick up on patterns. But this section fluctuated a lot for me. Sometimes I did well, sometimes I did poorly.

underline the ones you’re unsure about and move on. it’s better to just go back if you have time in the end then wasting time dwelling on it when you could be getting others right.

Reading Comp - At the beginning I fluctuated a lot with this section. But the first chapter of the Loophole really helped me improve and break down readings. The sentences in reading comps are very long winded and purposely written poorly, so keep that in mind. Just read slowly and soak in as much as you can the first time. I was never a fan of the advice of reading it over twice. It felt like a waste of time. Instead, the first time, as you read, try to guess what might be important or a question and underline it. That helped me.

Games - My favourite section and the section that you can most easily improve on. Just do a lot of practice games and then watch the videos on how others do it. Once you master a game style, you’ll know how to replicate it in the future.

for some reason timing started to become an issue for me later on in the games section in spite of having improved on it, but I realized it was because I was dwelling and double checking when I didn’t need to.

In general: LSAT is a super interesting test as it’s unlike any other test. It’s not dependent on information that you’re supposed to know. It’s not studying info and being asked questions on it. It’s not regurgitation. It’s not memorization. And in that way, ANYONE can improve. It’s a test you can learn. So don’t lose hope!!

And good luck!

((edit - some things I forgot to mention. I tried to pick up Powerscore but their system was so complicated, I zoned out. some folks like the book tho. I’d still recommend the Loophole. also I hope this doesn’t make me seem like a know it all and that this is wayyyy too difficult - I literally started crying once while taking a timed exam. the test is stressful so its ok its understandable to have a breakdown. i sure did lol. so give yourself a break if you start getting stressed.))

#and it's ok to write it several times #everyone is different #for me I did it once and studied for six months #I've heard of others who studied for one #or three months #my sister took it 3 times and studied for a total of 2 years #the LSAT is a test of strength and willpower and hardwork #so you can do it anon!!#hopefully this helps #sorry if its long and overwhelming but I really tried to think of everything lol #Jimlings #Anonymous #LSAT

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duchessofostergotlands · 3 years

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Hi, jess! A couple of months ago I sent you an ask about a reality tv show (the farm) and a participant who has bpd (she didn’t win the 1 million price, btw - but she was so happy when she found out that a good portion of the public supported her, specially women ❤️ she’s famous because of only fans and most of her followers on social media, before her participation on the show, were men. So she said she was happy to see so many women supporting and following her now). Anyway while watching the show, I realized many of her behaviors were so similar to mine. Then my mom and sister, who live with me, told me they noticed that too. I decided to ask my psychiatrist and psychologist (I’ve been dealing with depression for the past 10 years), but both didn’t give it much credit. At the time I agreed with them - they said I probably don’t have bpd because the behaviors I was describing only happens when I’m home, with people I trust. I’m very “controlled” when I’m with other people, including my dad (who hasn’t lived with me since I was a kid). The point is, I’m ALWAYS making a huge effort trying to control myself in public - it’s exhausting and I believe it’s one of the reasons I tend to isolate myself. I think I’ve actually learned to camouflage my feelings and to avoid things that trigger me. I used to be more “uncontrolled” as a kid, before I created this deep rooted fear that people’d leave me because of these behaviors and reactions. Do you think it’s possible to camouflage some of bpd’s symptoms? And, if so, do you have any tips on how I could talk to my psychiatrist and psychologist about it? —— I didn’t want to make this ask any longer than it already is, but one of my childhood friends was recently diagnosed with autism. We don’t talk much nowadays, but she messaged me last month to tell me about her diagnosis and to ask if I felt I had some of the same treats - thinking retrospectively, we were very alike. It made a lot of sense and I remembered you said sth about bpd and autism sharing some similarities in some aspects of how the brain works. She also told me about recent studies showing the underreported diagnosis in women. My psychiatrist and psychologist also dismissed it, because I don’t avoid eye contact and have friends. I’m really confused right now, but it’s also kinda relieving to get to know myself a bit more and to think that the struggle I’ve felt my whole life is real. (Sorry for the long text!)

Hey :) Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. Just like to be able to dedicate a bit of time to longer messages like this and I rarely have the attention span for it! But of course I remember the conversation, it was really interesting to hear about what the contestant went through.

So yes, BPD and autism are often misdiagnosed as each other as there are similar traits that are often found. Usually around attractions to patterns and structure and also around empathy. Like I don’t generally feel empathy for people in the same way most people do. I’d say unless you’re a close friend or family member - or maybe if you’re a child - I probably wouldn’t feel empathy towards you. I generally make decisions about moral standpoints and such based on what logically makes sense to me rather than any kind of emotional connection because I just don’t really feel that. I think the reasons autistic people may sometimes struggle with empathy are different but to an external person would seem very similar so can often be confused.

To address your two points that made you unsure about the diagnoses, BPD is definitely highly interpersonal so it can change drastically depending on who you’re with. I can be friends with someone for quite a while and they have no idea but if I’m in a romantic or physical relationship with someone they’ll know within a few days. Romantic relationships are my personal trigger so they’re where I struggle the most. Then in terms of autism, lack of eye contact doesn’t really mean anything. I think that’s a common misconception people have but two of my cousins are autistic and they were both very outgoing and friendly, they were incredibly tactile, I didn’t notice them not looking me in the eye but I probably don’t look people in the eye much because that feels weird haha. Women in particular are not well studied when it comes to autism as you kind of mentioned. They are generally better at “masking” and so are often misdiagnosed or their condition isn’t picked up until well into adulthood. So even if you have friends and can look people in the eye it wouldn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t fit the criteria.

I wouldn’t want to diagnose you with anything myself as I’m not a professional and I don’t know you personally. The DSM outlines the criteria for being diagnosed with BPD. You have to demonstrate at least five of the following and as with all mental illnesses they have to cause a significant impact on your ability to carry out your responsibilities and go through daily life:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Those are the criteria that would most likely be used to assess you. In the UK we can be diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a GP but have to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a PD diagnosis. It sounds like you’ve already been in contact with them. I’m not too sure how it works where you are. Can you get a second opinion? Are there other doctors you could make an appointment with? Could you go private? I’m very aware of the fact that having the NHS in the UK means that my experiences are not applicable to everyone’s circumstances but for me when I first went to get help I was given meds and a depression and anxiety diagnosis and sent on my way. When that didn’t help I went back and got a higher dosage. And then it still didn’t help and finally I was kind of at rock bottom (or I thought so at the time) and needed help and so what I did on that occasion was have a friend accompany me into the room. They had created a list of things they’d seen me do or heard about me doing that were concerning to them and gave them to the doctor, and they kind of backed me up and gave me moral support. It shouldn’t have taken someone else being in the room for me to be taken seriously but having someone there who could express what I might have been too shy or self conscious to say was really helpful. In the end I got referred for treatment and it wasn’t right for me ultimately as my problems were more complex but it helped for a bit. I don’t know if there’s anyone in your life you trust to be able to be there to support you but I think it can be really intimidating to push back with doctors and professionals and having someone there who knows you and cares about you can be the thing that gives you that extra bit of courage you need.

I’m not sure how helpful that is but I’m available if you want to ask me any questions about BPD or any explanations of how I experience the symptoms or anything like that :)

#ask #anon #non royal #mental health #mental illness #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd #borderline personality disorder

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deobitchxx · 4 years

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Hi! Can I request for you to write a hyunjae one - I went out at 12am to buy snacks and he was worried. (Im a noona btw) Thanks so much!

[ 17:26 // 02.09.2020 // R.FLUFF ] “I missed you, a lot.” Hovering his arms around your waist, he pulled you closer to his body and leaned his chin on your shoulder. A small giggle found its way to escape from your lips, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and tightened the hug. “I missed you even more.” Hyunjae shook his head as a no, “It’s impossible because I missed you more than you did.” “Let’s not start this, alright?” The latter gave you a small nod and responded with a hum, before both of you stayed like that for a while. You wanted it to be longer but something kicked in, as you winced in pain, making the younger one furrowed his eyebrows and immediately let you off from the embrace, holding your shoulders and facing you with a worried expression dominated his face. “Are you okay?” Hyunjae asked in the softest tone as you tried to reassure him with a fixed expression. “I’m sure I’ll be okay, I just got a stomach ache thingy.”

You looked up to face the taller one, as you smiled and leaned to place a quick kiss on his lips. “I’m fine, I’m sure this will get off sooner.” You rubbed your tummy inside your shirt but the latter wasn’t buying your words. The grips on your shoulder tightened, earning a raised eyebrow from you. “Wait.. Hold on.” Hyunjae took out his phone from his pocket, immediately clicking to an application. He didn’t encourage himself to put his phone on lock whenever you’re around to gain more trust from you, but he sure has to lock them when he’s on his idol mode again. Sigh, dating an idol sure is an exhausting and challenging thing. However, you didn’t mind the fact that he’s an idol-- It was his dream at all since he was a kid. You stood next to him, tip-toeing to have the same eye-level with the latter in order to have a peak over his phone. There, you saw him clicking into an application that happened to be a must for every female. It was an application where you can keep on track with your period.

“Why do you have that?” You asked the latter, not having any single clue why he has such things in his phone. What if his fans managed to steal or hack into his phone? It’ll stir another controversy and the least you wanna witness is seeing him apologising for something he shouldn’t have to. “I only am able to see you once or twice in a month, I have to keep in track with your periods so I can be mentally prepared with your commands and mood swings.” He confessed, clicking on the calendar icon before releasing a sigh, “It’s almost time, I’m sure it’s the period pain you’re facing.” He shoved his phone into the pocket, turning his whole body to face you with all of his attention. “Do you need anything? Sweets? Chocolates? Pizzas?” A totally pleasing expression took over your whole face, “I’m alright, my love.” Your hands rested on his both cheeks before pulling him down to match his eyes with yours. “Just be next to me, and I’ll be alright. Unless you wanna see me throwing a tantrum.” Hyunjae tittered, covering your small hands that were on his cheeks with his huge hands, clasping your hands together and left a kiss on them while staring into your eyes, “I love you.”

It was almost 12am, there darkness and cold air surrounding you should’ve brought you to your dreamland-- Instead, you were gazing into empty spaces while your mind playing a medley of all the snacks you wanted to have at the moment. You turned to your side, the taller man already went to his dreamland. You didn’t remember when was the last time you stayed up late with Hyunjae, as he has always been sleeping around 8pm or 9pm whenever he’s staying at your place. You can’t blame him though, you saw how hardworking he was on the television, and even behind the scenes. The least you could do is lay next to him and accompany him to sleep. However, tonight is an exception. Your stomach already called you multiple times, asking you to feed them with various snacks. Trying not to make a sound, you put the huge arm that was wrapped around your waist away, leaving the room in the quietest and quickest way after grabbing your wallet and jacket.

The smile on your face can’t spread any further, as you just bought a plastic full of different snacks, chocolates and even ice creams from the convenience store. It was located 5 blocks away from your apartment. You knew you shouldn’t sneak away just to buy them in this late night where possible crimes could happen anytime, but you didn’t have the intention to wake the tired Hyunjae up. You didn’t want to burden him more. You wanted to be independent as you’ve always been-- or probably ‘have been’ before you met Hyunjae. It was not like you kept depending on him, but he has been taking care of you so much that you have no choice but to rely on him. He was younger than you physically, he didn’t want to look like a little kid in-front of you. He wanted to be the man that you needed the most in your life. The man that you can depend on for the rest of your life. As you hummed into your favourite song, you decided to take a short break outside of the store and sat on the empty chair. It was midnight, but you still can see some cars or people passing by the street.

“Oh shit, I forgot to bring my phone.” You cursed under your breath, placing the plastic on the table before taking out an ice cream. Slicing off the cover, you began to lick your ice cream underneath the street light. You looked around the surrounding as you witnessed a lot of scenes that you didn’t know you could see in such hours. There was a drunk old man who tried to walk straight, but still got the urge to drink another bottle that he was holding in his right hand. There was also a group of rebellious teenagers that probably just finished their karaoke session and there was even a couple trying to make out in between the stores. “Huh, must be so nice to be young.” You released a deep sigh and finished your ice cream after a few minutes. Grabbing the plastic again, you decided to go back to the apartment. As soon as your feet landed on the floor, a familiar figure appeared in-front of you. “Why are y-” “What are you doing!” You were taken back with his sudden stern voice. You examined him from up to down, seeing Hyunjae only in his pajamas and slippers, he didn’t even try to cover himself up with a mask nor cap. “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re coming here?” He asked after seeing the plastic that you were holding and the store behind you.

“I didn’t want to wake you up.. You seem tired. It would be a selfish side of mine if I asked you to buy me these.” Before you could say any other words, he cut you off as he pulled you into the tightest hug ever. “Please. Don’t go out during midnights alone. It’s dangerous. Why didn’t you bring your phone along? I thought something happened to you.” The uneven breath from him became more obvious when you got closer to his chest. “If something ever happened to you, I’ll never forgive myself for failing to protect you.” He added, as you can feel the arms around your body tightened too. Both of you stayed like that for a while before you broke the embrace, pulling him slightly, “Why didn’t you wear your mask and cap? You might get exposed to the paparazzis.” You took off your jacket, trying to cover him up with it but he stopped you by holding your arms, “I don’t care if I get exposed, as long as you’re fine in my eyes.” You can’t help but to leave a chuckle that sounded like a schoolgirl, leading him to chuckle along. “Promise to me that you won’t do this again in the future.” You nodded and locked your pinky finger with his, “I won’t, and I’m sorry for making you worried.”

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samanthalendo · 3 years

Text

Why I Almost Went To UT Austin; And Why I Didn’t

(As a preface: I will be speaking mainly in vague details about my personal life and the college I ended up choosing. This is for my own privacy and comfort. In addition, I am not bashing the UT system or anyone who choose to go there; I have loved ones going there very soon, and I have a lot admiration for the school and all the opportunities it can afford someone. However, these are the reasons I will not be attending and some reasons any school might miss out on students they might have otherwise garnered. As well, all photos are mine unless otherwise stated. Enjoy!)

Let me set the scene.

Choosing a college is hard. It’s freakin hard. It’s even more difficult in the middle of a global pandemic. You can’t actually go anywhere, can’t take tours or go to fairs or get a feel for the city you want to call home. I struggled a lot with really connecting to any of the schools I was interested in. Lots of apathy towards the whole process. Despite all this, I had one school I had been interested in since the end of sophomore year, and I thought that was the only place I wanted to go.

The University of Texas at Austin appealed to me for a few different reasons. In no particular order:

It was close to family.

I have tons, and I mean tons of family in Texas. This would have put me significantly closer to them and meant I had a support system when going to college. Making sure I would have a nice warm dinner and bath to escape to on crappy days seems pretty nice during global pandemics! Notably, however, it was not close to my immediate family.

It was in a big city.

Looking back I can laugh at myself and the idea I had for my college experience. At the time I was much more focused on the social and Instagramable side of the school I chose. Any time my parents suggested a school, the first thing I did was look for photos of it. If it didn’t have the feel I was looking for (young, new, hip, growing) I seldom looked further.

Austin was exactly what I was looking for. A city with a 32.4% growth rate in the last decade (1), it screamed new and exciting. I wanted to be apart of that vibe during college, especially when I thought my boyfriend and I would be going to the same place (we are still happily together and just going to different schools, btw). Anything less didn’t seem worth it or fun enough.

It’s a high ranking journalism school.

Rankings are subjective so it absolutely depends on where you look, but UT Austin consistently ranks within the top ten journalism schools in the nation, which is incredible. I’ve wanted to study journalism since about sophomore year and I was so excited that on top of the aforementioned attributes, this would be a reputable place to study and get a degree from. Truth be told, I didn’t do nearly any research into the actual programs, opportunities, or benefits UTA offered, #foreshadowing.

UTA was the first school I applied to, and as such it established my expectations for how applying to a big name school would work. Let me just say it, the application process sucked. I ended up writing two full-length essays, only one of which I used and extensively edited, and at least five different short answer paragraphs. I believe I also had to submit a resume when I applied for the Journalism Honors program, though that was additional. It was intense, and quite honestly didn’t seem worth it. Up until this point I was pretty much riding the wave of, “Yeah, UT Austin, that’s a school people will respond positively to when they ask where I’m going.” As aforementioned, I hadn’t done any in-depth research into what programs UT had to offer me, but from what little looking I had done, nothing was jumping out at me. With nothing spectacular being shown to me on a silver platter, enticing me to #golonghorns, the arduous application process felt taxing and stressful.

(A little side note on writing college essays: do not force yourself to write about something that doesn’t feel genuine to you. I don’t care if you think you have something that they’re bound to notice or admire; if you’re not passionate about it, you won’t get anywhere. As mentioned, I wrote two different essays when applying to UT. In my first essay, I wrote about leadership experiences in high school and how they shaped me. Important? Yes. Influential for me? Absolutely. But nothing I’m ready to rave about to anyone who walks through the door. That essay felt fake and artificial. I knew I didn’t like it or want it to represent me. So, I sat down and started writing about a situation that happened over the summer at my high school, one that really ground my gears. I couldn’t stop talking about how upset I was. I wrote all about the experience and how it made me want to be a better journalist and to always help to portray the truth. If anyone would like to know more about that story, let me know. The point is, I was passionate about the topic and it made it much easier to write believably. I didn’t just need this piece to represent me, I wanted it to represent me. I wanted the application readers to understand my frustration and feel all the emotions I felt in those moments. Pick something you feel that way about.)

I’m not going to BS and say that the application process will be fun if the school you’re applying to is the right one for you. All I’m saying is it should feel worth it, like all this hard work and effort is really going to culminate into your dream school. I definitely didn’t feel that with UTA, which was one of my first red flags. I felt very disconnected from the school, like I was just another fish in the pond of out of state applicants, hoping they’d like my bright colors over the next.

A little background: I am, for the purposes of Texas schools, an out-of-state applicant. I don’t have residency in TX and I didn’t go to a public high school in TX, and this contributes heavily to UTA admissions. I’ll link a great article going further in-depth on the admissions numbers and percentages, but due to the advantages granted to TX resident applicants, approximately only 9% of UTA students are out of state (2). That number is so low because TX students in the top 6% of their graduating class, no matter their test scores, are automatically accepted. This means that on top of great grades, out-of-state applicants for UTA have ACT scores that are between 3-5 points higher and SAT scores that are about 150 points higher than their average TX counterpart.

If you aren’t stressed out just reading that, teach me your ways because I was sure was.

This was sort of where the perceived animosity started between myself and UTA. I constantly checked my email and mailbox, hoping to get a letter or promotional email or something to indicate they were interested in me as a student. Seldom did they ever come. I got hundreds of emails from other schools and received nearly as much snail mail, but hardly ever from UT, even after I asked to receive their newsletters and an informational packet (which never came, BTW).

I quickly came to realize that all of this was likely due to the fact that I was so far away, out of the UT sphere of control or influence. Most of the emails I received were from schools in my neighboring states or in my state, closer with a higher likelihood of recruiting me. A school in TX, where I did not study or hold residency, would not seek me out.

Here’s my issue. They didn’t have to seek me out. That’s fine, whatever, makes sense. But I sought them out. I signed up for everything. I filled out their long application, sent it in early. I tried to tour the school in the throws of COVID, having to settle for a self-paced walk about an empty campus to satisfy my need to know more about this school, to learn more about what it could offer me. None of my efforts proved fruitful, and it didn’t feel like the school really wanted me there. I wondered whether this was really where I wanted to be.

By mid-November, while I wouldn’t have called myself discouraged, I would definitely have identified with the word antsy. When I sent in my application in September, they notified me that I would get my answer sometime in January or February. I can’t even explain how far away that felt. Especially being out of state, I wanted to know their decision as quickly as possible. The wait felt like an eternity.

My dad has always stressed the importance of not putting all your eggs in one basket. While I had shot my shot with UT and was waiting for the scoreboard to change, he was still exploring other options I had in the world of journalism schools. Without me knowing or really agreeing, he scheduled a tour with a school about two hours away from where we lived. It would be on a Saturday, just the two of us, and we’d make a day trip out of it. Honestly, I was more excited for the trip than the school itself. It had always been one I had turned my nose up at; to be fair, I did that with almost any school that wasn’t UT.

We were about five minutes late to the opening presentation at the school. Quickly shuffling into the only seats we saw, some in the very front row of the socially distanced conference hall, we settled in for a lot of new information coming our way. Though he had planned it, my dad didn’t know that much about the school either. We were both skeptical, a bit frazzled, and tired from having woken up around five o’clock that morning.

But with every slide, every question, every time the presenter opened her mouth, we were drawn further in.

It wasn’t just the feel of the school, or the location, or the looks. The facts didn’t lie. I won’t share too many so as to keep at least some privacy, but to say this school was my diamond in the rough wouldn’t be too much of an overstatement. Despite that, throughout the day and our two guided tours, I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, keeping me from getting too excited about this new school. I couldn’t help but think about UT and all of the emotional commitment I had already made to it. How excited my family was that I was hoping to go there, how happy my grandmother was that I would be closer to her. I thought of the teachers I had complained to about the long essays, the people who had edited those essays for me. I thought about the burnt orange hoodie sitting in my closet, towards the front due to how often I wore it.

The new school won over both my heart and my head. While I really felt at home there, I also would have to have been dead to overlook all of the opportunities it could afford me. I was close to my immediate family and the town I had gone to high school in. I could come home often, visit family and friends more frequently than if I moved states away. Everything seemed right.

In between our tours, due to the nagging I was feeling, I tried to schedule a tour with UTA, to at least give it a fighting chance. I figured, had I not had an in-person tour of this new school, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Maybe a real tour would make me fall in love with UT again. However, when I tried to schedule one, all of the tours for the rest of the semester were completely booked, and the calendar wasn’t yet available for the spring semester. I immediately called to find out more, only to be told that they weren’t sure the state of in-person tours upon return to campus after holidays due to COVID. Looking back, I know it was a sign. UT had, for all intents and purposes, closed its doors on me. It was time I accepted the willing arms of the school I gazed upon with wonder, truly in limbo as to what might happen next.

By the end of December, I was admitted and had committed to the new school. I wouldn’t find out about UT for another month, but honestly, I didn’t really need to. This new school had everything I could ever want, and UT had a fair amount of drawbacks. I didn’t and still don’t feel any remorse for committing without having known UT’s decision on me.

I received an email January 29th, over a month after having committed to the new school, that I needed to check my UT MyStatus page. I never really worried about getting in due to my test scores and grades, but I felt a level of anger towards the school that I thought I had gotten over, and finding out I had gotten in after all would bring up new emotions. I checked the page, and sure enough I had been admitted to the University of Texas at Austin’s class of 2025. I wasn’t elated or jumping up and down with joy or breaking down happy crying in my parent’s arms. I was pretty stoic, thinking about all that could have been had I felt any more like UT really wanted me.

(3)

All things happen for a reason. Because I didn’t feel much reciprocation in my love for UT, I instead found the school of my dreams, one that I know I’ll be much happier at. I wouldn’t change any of my decisions, except maybe stressing over the essays as much as I did.

My final thoughts would have to be this: I don’t blame the UT system for not focusing as much on its out-of-state applicants. I mean, I do, but I understand that it’s often simply not in their best interest. I do think that they should have reached out, sent more newsletters, have actually sent me the information packet I requested, anything to make me feel more connected with this place I was dying to call home. While I know they aren’t very focused on bringing in students from other states, I think they should be, especially for those that are going the extra mile to reach out to them.

The right school will have a lot of different things for every different person. For me, that meant being close to my immediate family, knowing I would have all of the opportunities I wanted, being financially secure, and feeling like the school wanted me, not just the other way around. UT didn’t provide me all of that. Finding the school that will is the most important thing. Your needs and wants may be different, but don’t toss all of your eggs in one basket. Don’t be afraid to change your mind and always keep looking for something better. For all you know, it may be out there.

(Thank you so much for reading! Links are below. This is just meant to be an opinion piece and is the first thing I’ve written for myself in a very long time. I hope you learned something and that this may be helpful on your college journey! Au revoir!)

1. https://www.austinchamber.com/economic-development/austin-profile/population/overview

2. https://magoosh.com/hs/college-admissions/ut-austin-admissions-the-sat-act-scores-and-gpa-you-need-to-get-in/

3. https://news.utexas.edu/2020/09/22/four-year-graduation-rate-tops-70-as-ut-austin-admits-one-of-its-largest-first-year-classes/

#ut austin #university of texas #texas #college #journalism #photography #uta #university of texas at austin #university #admissions #ut2025 #2025 #bell tower #writing #opinion #samanthalendo

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belovedstill · 3 years

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hi!! i have a question... i saw your reblog about freewriting and i wanted to try it myself cause i have a hard time with writing because of my anxiety but i'm not sure i understood 100%. what do you actually write while you freewrite? is it related to what you're working on at the moment, like do you freewrite a scene (kind of like sprinting in a way) or just random words/thoughts in your head?

hi <3 i understand you 100% because sometimes (most of the time) when i sit down with the intention to write, my brain subconsciously goes "okay, the pressure's ON, everything i write must be useful for the fic" (and then i go "wait, @ brain, what fic? i don't even know what fic i would write, i just want to write" and brain says "it must be useful for the fic" (which btw doesn't help, thanks @ brain but no thanks))

i will start by honestly saying that while I've been doing this for many years, I've never had a word for it. If my memory's right, then I've never heard the term "freewriting" before. I'd either call it stream of consciousness or messaging a friend or word vomit or scribbling

(i'm going to share some photos & screenshots as examples because i personally appreciate examples for things i don't know how to even start doing; i'll include content warnings above the photos wherever applicable. These things were not meant to be seen by other people, obviously, so not all of them are neat, not all of them are in English or spelled correctly, and not all of them make sense, some might not even be Socially Acceptable (i'm very anxious as well, you see, so I ask people to be kind if you do take a look at the examples and decipher what's written), but that's the whole point of these: you let your mind go without worrying about where it's going)

I'm sure every person who does freewriting does it differently but here are several ways i do it (under the cut because it got very long as i pretty much (ayyyy) freewrote it):

test a pen/pencil! you know when you get a new pen and write down the most random thing on a piece of paper to see what the ink looks like and how it feels to write using that pen? for me it's usually a single word or a phrase from a song (my go-tos are hello, wait, Beloved (my MC's name, shhh) and other fictional characters' names or Why you gotta be so mean? from Taylor Swift's song "Mean", don't ask me why because i have no answer)

writing down the lyrics to a song that's currently stuck in your mind and living there rent-free, and if you forget the next line or if something else pops into your head - let it take you over

write on random pieces of paper! the less it reminds you of a notebook/blank page, the better! sometimes that means what's left of printer paper or post-it notes. actually, most of the photos of paper pages in this post are from my poor quality notebooks - the paper is too thin or not smooth or the pages are yellowish, so i don't feel bad """wasting""" the notebook for doodles, random scribbles, etc.

a diary entry? a diary entry, except there doesn't have to be depth to it, no journaling type of reflection on your feelings, on your experiences, on the Daily Journaling Prompt necessary--unless you want to. in my case it's mostly complaining about the pen i decided to use or the quality of the paper but!!! because i let myself write anything and everything on one page, at one point it feels natural to write some random story sentences on the other page

CW: implied past physical abuse

brainstorming! here's where, for me, the "messaging a friend" name came from. i have a very vague idea for what i want to write or a very small detail i want to write about, but nothing else. i set up a timer and write everything down (the screenshot is taken from my very own personal discord server, it's just me and a writing bot. at one point i realised that whenever i was brainstorming or writing cheer up ficlets in my friends' discord DMs, writing went super easy because my brain didn't register it as writing, but as chatting. At first, I formatted a new google doc so it looked exactly like discord's dark theme, but ultimately decided that just creating a new server just for my writing process/practice/etc and stuff is easier)

CW: harmful & discouraging stuff asexual people face

"I don't know what to write, I don't even think I want to write an actual story, it's not going to stop me" kind of writing. Anything goes and I mean anything. The sentences aren't connected. There's no actual idea or story behind the sentences. You're just writing a word after a word after a word. Sometimes a question appears in your mind, so you write it down. The question leads to more questions, or maybe an answer, or maybe you realise you like the feel/sound of one word so you write it again and again. After you wrote the word three times, tiny ideas form in your mind, things you relate to that word. Then you lose track of the thought so you write "I lost track", then a piece of dialogue floats in your mind that's probably inspired or part of a song lyric you wrote earlier

CW: unconventional/controversial lovers

if your writing anxiety is caused by fandom wank regarding some topics, tropes, themes, or even genres, know that if you freestyle about the thing you're worried somebody would judge you for, nobody else will read it. you can delete the doc afterwards. you can password protect it. you can tear the page out of your notebook and shred it to pieces. i won't include a photo example of this one (anxious, remember? also, it's nsfw) but i did this with smut-specific words and phrases. i got a blank piece of paper and wrote--first, just words (nouns for genitalia, verbs for action, etc. let me tell you - i was alone in the room and even trying to write the first word was difficult, in my head i kept thinking back to people's conversations on how "problematic these words are" etc etc etc and that fed my anxiety even further because "oh god what if they knew i was about to write this, what would they think of me"), then the words combined into phrases, then common smexy phrases that characters in smut say, and so on and so on. no punctuation because it's not a story. you know what happened after i put that first word on the page? nothing. i felt silly, sure, but i repeated the word several more times and still no People From the Internet barged into my room to ridicule & judge me. during that session, freestyling for that genre got easier and easier with every word.

Two posts that helped me realise that warming up for writing (and anything creative) is a good idea:

Writers need warm up sketches too (my way of warm up is usually either freewriting or using a typing speed website)

The anatomy of a pen/pencil etc

...and I think that's all from me 💕 apologies for how long this is but I hope it helps you in some way *hugs*

#shhh B #B replies #Anonymous #...aaa i don't want this to show up in the general tags but i want to find it later #you feel me?#writing #anyway i really hope it helps and if anything's too confusing please let me know and I'll try to explain better alter #*later

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darkgeminisworld · 3 years

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This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

#toxic friendship?#rant

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theroblife · 3 years

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Tumblr. 11 Years Later.

Been on Tumblr since August 2010 (You can check my archive). I joined it when a bunch of my friends were on it. As of now, I am pretty sure I am the last one still here lol but that is ok. Honestly, what spurred me to make this post was looking through my archive for a very old photo of my first car (found it btw). Going through my old posts really brings me back, times were simpler. I was 20 in 2010, going to Community College. Had left a minimum wage job to focus on school, driving my 1987 Toyota Supra (For any car people reading this, in 2010 it wasn’t as appreciated as it is now). There have been a lot of changes since then. - After Community College I went to a University. I acquired both a Bachelors in Accounting and my MBA. - Currently I am not working, I was a Senior Analyst for a small biotech company. Unfortunately the companies drug didn’t make FDA approval, so 2/3 of the company including myself were laid off. That is ok though, the biotech space can be like that. Especially if you want to work for start-ups. It is crazy sometimes, I think about my first job 11 years ago as a Checker at a grocery store and consider my current occupation. Really makes you appreciate the work you put into your career. - Unfortunately, this does mean my dream is working in the film industry is flailing. My only real hope is getting into a film company in a supervisor role at some point and attempt to move up from there. It will be hard, but do-able. I was able to jump from working in non-profit to biotech in 2 job changes. That is already considered pretty impressive. The pay will be lower though, but I can’t see myself working in biotech forever, just not quite my cup of tea besides the salary. - I am still into cars, in 2010 I had a 1987 Supra. I actually recently bought a 2021 Supra (Yeah, biotech pays pretty well lol). And have been enjoying it. - Still saving for a house, unfortunately while my salary has gone up so have housing prices. - After delaying it for far too long, I started an automotive YouTube channel, I enjoy making content. And honestly, it keeps my busy right now as a nice distraction from sending out applications. Robs Autos is the channel. - Photography is still a big thing for me, my Instagram is TheRobLife for pictures! - In 2010 I had posted about my dog Siku, and then a few years later we also added a second husky, Ikkuma, to the family. sadly Siku passed away in 2019 but we did add another husky, Sakari, to the family in 2020. - Fitness is still pretty important to me, I am staying active at the gym. I feel it is one of the few things I have any sort of semblance of control over in my life. And yeah, that is pretty much it for updates. Hoping my 30′s treat me better than my 20′s which I honestly still feel a bit like I wasted. But, what can you do?

#personal #11 years later

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neighborhood-merc · 5 years

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It is I, and I am back with more a new list of fanfics for this wonderful ship called SpideyPool.

Listen, I don’t know why I’m doing this as well (maybe because I fuckin love these boys and want to share my fave fanfics of their ship to everyone...or whatever) but here we are. [ Here are Part 1, 3 btw! ]

Same shit applies:

The themes of the stories on this list varies, I’m either into something heart-warming, fluffy, domestic that sort of stuff or into some really really heavy and dark messed up ones. It always depends on the mood am I right? *wink wink*

It’s always gonna be smutty though lol

As long as it’s tastefully written, whatever kinky shit, I can be into it, I don’t judge the writer. With that being said if I add something straight up messed up here now/or in the future, don’t judge too, just mind the tags of the fic, for your own discretion if anything.

this list should be Wade Wilson/Peter Parker - Spiderman/Deadpool pairing only. I kinda like my babies greedy/possessive for/of each other.

I don’t care who tops or bottoms. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Summaries are taken directly from the fanfic’s summary.

Read the tags first!

Wolves [ Update: Sadly, the fic has been deleted :( ] (This is WIP, but I swear it’s so fucking good you should read it. It’s a Prison AU, and the writing is sublime) Peter is falsely accused and sent to jail, where he meets the violent ex-mercenary, Wade.

Don't Forget To Check Your Calendar! Peter REALLY should remember to check his calendar or Peter forgets that he has a heat coming up, and in doing so causes several sticky situations to occur (thank god for Tony's NDA's).

Communication Error “Have you seriously been doing this bit for a year now?” “Bit… what bit?” Wade looked at him, confused. “This,” Peter waved his hand, “the 'we’re dating' bit.” There was a pause, and then suddenly, it was like Wade’s whole body imploded. His shoulders sunk and his head dropped and suddenly Peter knew he’d made a huge mistake. “Hahaha, yeah, the dating bit.” He held up the wine. “One year of one really bad, horrible joke.”

Night Off Wade is taking the night off when a certain Spider calls for help.

The Great Florist, Wade Wilson (this ones got a Sequel) Deadpool has found the apartment belonging to Spiderman. Or Peter Parker, if the name on the door is anything to go by. Now some people might use this information of said secret identity wrongly. Normally Wade would have been one of them. But this is different. This is Spider-Parker, I-mean, Peter-man, I-mean, fuck. Now Deadpool just have to figure out exactly what he is gonna do with this information. Which is quite simple really. He's going to leave Spidey flowers and win his heart this way or the one, where Deadpool spams Spiderman with flowers, and Spiderman has no idea what's going on

Tale As Old As Time, Song As Old As Rhyme (This belongs to the series “A Spider in the Pool”) It is absolutely fucking good, I recommend you read them. Do read the warnings though yeah?) Peter Parker gradually falls for Wade's dubious charms. They have a lot of hang ups and kinks to negotiate, but with sex this hot, Peter can't help wanting more. Erotica with significant plot and relationship development.

Help Me, Peter Parker, You’re My Only Hope! “I need your help,” Wade admitted. “And why would I help you?” Peter asked with an amused chuckle. “Because, um, I asked you? Isn’t it what you do? Help people who ask for it?”

Damage Peter Parker finds himself in a sticky situation and who should show up to rescue him but the infamous Deadpool? Now Peter feels indebted to the mercenary... And maybe weirdly charmed by him.

I'm Serious Wade wants Peter to top. But he really, really doesn't know how to ask.

Shake it out (this series is a good boi)

Sick Days "Wade." "Mr. Rogers." They stared at each other, one calm and silent in his fury while the other looked like a deer about to be pummeled by an eighteen-wheeler. "I'm sure you have a reason for being in my son's bed without a shirt on?"

Love Me Dead Peter tries to tell Wade his feelings. It's kind of a train-wreck.

Disgusting -Spideypool (5+1) This is a Wade Centric fic containing topics of mental health struggles and self image. Nothing too graphic but still.

Flip the Safety They both get a little carried away when they fight, but this time Wade grins over his gun and the worst part is that Peter knows he doesn’t plan on shooting him.

Do It Yourself “I bet you’re flexible enough to suck your own dick.” Wade plants that thought in Peter's head and he can't help where curiosity leads him.

Looking for a savior in these dirty streets (WADE YOU LITTLE SHIT LOL) what's your opinion on eating ass? just looking for a yes or noThat's the text Peter gets when he's in a meeting with Anna Maria, trying his hardest to get back to running a company a few months after an unexpected trip to the underworld.

Act your age (not your shoe size) “Wanna go grab some grub? I have it on good authority there's some qual-a-tee Mexican around here.”Peter’s mouth drops open. “Uh, you always invite guys you just met out for lunch?” Deadpool laughs and leans forward. The words are muffled when he says, “Only the ones I meet in movie theaters.”

That's the power of love (cute af fic) “Yeah, so, about that. Nice to meet ya, I’m Wade Wilson but def not your Wade Wilson although I gotta say, I’m jealous of the asshole.”

Baby, i’d victoria your secret anytime (another good boy) Peter’s known Wade for a while now, so he can maybe see how this makes sense -- like, maybe Wade has a thing about going commando and just happened to have an old girlfriend’s panties lying around, one thing led to another…but…“And the bra?” Peter croaks.

It's The Alcohol Talking It wasn't every day that Wade came across a drunk-off-his-ass Spider-man.

Marco (this is fuckin’ hurt ok???) Spidey was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

Took no time with the fall (Part One of “wasn’t looking for this” series) When the Avengers had briefed him on Deadpool, they played up the Kills People for Money and Has No Real Morals angle and left out the Is Pretty Damn Funny and Charming in a Weird, Terrifying Sort of Way part.Or, five times they meet on rooftops plus one time they take it to the streets*

Now you're in my way (Part Two of “wasn’t looking for this” series) Wade's been with the Avengers for four months. The two of them have been together for five.Their relationship consists of taco-based dates, a ton of sex, and, well, Avenging.

The Stalking of Wade Wilson "It’s around this point that a niggling thread of thought worms its way into his head when he’s not paying attention, one that gently suggests that Wade might be slightly less of a bad guy than Peter previously thought."

Seeing the real you (it's not what I imagined) "The fuck,“ Deadpool said slowly. He was staring at him in a way that made Peter feel decidedly uncomfortable, and this was saying something, considering Deadpool had a habit of leering at him at the most inappropriate times. "Are you kidding me?" he eventually gasped. "How OLD are you? Twelve?“

I'll Always Protect You Anonymous said: If anyone is up for it I have a rescue prompt idea where Peter (he is not in his spiderman suit) is taken as a hostage with a gun to the head along with a few other civilians. Peter is warning the criminals to let everyone go otherwise his fiance,Wade, will kill them all. They mock him and beat him up. Then a furious Deadpool saves Peter by the most badass way possible. Also I would love if someone write how unnervingly skilled Wade is as a mercenary. Please? Anyone?

Your ass is mine Spidey takes a toilet break while on patrol. He wasn't expecting Wade to join him.

When I'm Inside You Spiders are hard to catch. When Deadpool manages to pin one down on an NYC rooftop, he thinks he deserves a prize.

Daddy It had started as a joke, which was conveniently how most of these things always happened.

Any Means Necessary Anonymous said: Abo au where Peter is a young mutant who both displayed his heat early before his adolscent stage and spidey powers that went out of haywire the moment his heat started, leaving him to thrash around the city, running away from his family. Wade Wilson, an alpha, who happens to be a professional mercenary for hire, is now paid to catch this mutant, and try and calm him down by “any means necessary” because Peter, even as an omega is swrecking havoc amongst the city. [ 1/2 ] Of course, Wade takes those words seriously, and decides to just do that solution by first, capturing and drugging the young omega, and then, placing him in what could be described as a special and adjustable breeding stand in Wade’s attempts to calm Peter down. [ 2/2 ]

One Fear (Two Fear), Red Rear (Pink Rear) (Note: Now this is where “read the tags first” is applicable af. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you dude) Anonymous said: Hello, another one for you: Deadpool adopts MCU Spidey and treats him like his actual child. That is until Peter starts growing up more and Wade can't help but feel attracted to him. At around age 15, Peter starts actively trying to seduce Wade. Wade resists, but in the end gives in. My kingdom for hardcore daddy kink, Sub!Peter, Wade calling him a good boy/baby boy.

Wo Rauch Ist (this fic is fucking gold) "Someone needs to write a ‘the fire alarm went off at 3 am and now the cute guy from the flat next door is standing next to me in his underwear’ AU"

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