#i literally just wanted a reason to talk about myself LMAO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dunmeshistash · 15 days

Note

Literally right after I saw one of ur Milsiril posts today I saw another person doing a Mithrun analysis with a huge focus on Milsiril only helping him bc of ulterior motives and it makes me sad :( She’s such a soft mum that would teach her children anything. If anything she’s less overbearing than my Chinese mother

What are the arguments? I don't really get what she gets from helping Mithrun. I guess the thing she would be able to get is making him fight the demon.

But like, she's no longer a canary and there isn't really much to hint that's what she wants. This is her part in Kabru's version

My boy really fairy tale-fied his backstory, it just ends with "And from that point onward Mithrun lived only to slay demons. He ate even though he had no desire to eat. He lived on, even though he had no desire to live."

Which is objectively false, in this version it really seems like she lets him live cause he can still be used, but he can't.

This doesn't really look like a killing machine that can be used to fight demons does it. Kabru as usual oversimplified what happened cause as he said "the world doesn't need to know personal things like that"

Again with his timeline vs Kabru's

Utaya started and ended while he was still recovering, 20 years from being saved to being appointed as a captain again. I know elves see time differently but even if we do the divided by 5 that's still the equivalent of 4 years of his life if he was a tallman. I don't think that's a negligible amount of time and honestly I'm happy Ryoko Kui considered that recovery from something so traumatic isn't fast or easy.

I said Milsiril only started to help with his rehabilitation after she retired because of this bit. "Mithrun. I saw a demon in Utaya" the situation from arrival to destruction was at most one year, I can't imagine she was able to leave in the middle of it just to visit Mithrun?

So I always assumed she did it after retiring (perhaps one of the first things she did since she's still in canary uniform)

Even if she left in the middle the earliest this could have happened is 498 so at most from his 20 years of rehabilitation Milsiril was with him for 2. At the most.

To me her smile here is cause she's seeing a way to motivate him to eat

Doesn't really look like someone sinister or with ulterior motives to me, she has her eyebrows slighty furrowed and a forced tight smile. To me it looks like she's worried. The other point is that right before this scene this is what she says

Here she has a soft smile as she remembers that he was someone similar to her. I think she didn't kill him because she saw herself in him, and I think she tried to help him for a similar reason. "It was such a warped, convoluted place built from inferiority jealousy lies and anger" "We might have hit it off pretty well"

She isn't saying that to judge him she's saying that and acknowledging he was just like her. I don't think the fact she relates to him would have been set up right before she tries to motivate him to eat to show "ulterior motives".

If anything I think the ulterior motive she has is that she sees herself in him, and wants to help him to help herself. Which as 'ulterior motives' go I think it's fine.

Everytime I talk about Milsiril I end up with a huge text lmao, I think I might be repeating myself too but I wish I understood the arguments for a sinister Milsiril using Mithrun. I don't really see anything in the extras that could indicate that. And the biggest "proof" is a intentionally abridged version of Mithrun's backstory told by Kabru that ignores all of his interpersonal relationships in favor of a easy to understand cautionary tale.

Oh yeah, and Mithrun's bitchy past self that didn't trust or like anyone saying it,

#ask #anotherdayanotherobsession #dunmeshi thoughts #milsiril #mithrun #longpost #long post #dungeon meshi spoilers #Backstories

363 notes · View notes

alxclaremont · 2 years

Text

i feel. bleugh.

#had my orientation yesterday. did not go the way i wanted it to lol #ended up having to change my major from chemistry to poli sci for a few reasons #and im like. not happy about it lmao #it quite literally does not really matter because im double majoring in both and i would’ve ended up doing poli sci anyway my sophmore year #however. it is not what i wanted to do this year and i don’t even like my classes 🥴#im just. so disappointed and i really only have myself to blame but like. i feel so discouraged now #i’m just. idk. im probably being dramatic. it just isn’t what i planned how this year was gonna do #who knows. maybe my second semester classes will be different #i still have time to do the thing i need to do to go back to majoring in chem this year #so hopefully i’ll be able to fix it and then i’ll be able to take the classes i wanted #it was just not a fun time #🥴#not to mention that im getting into the same mental state i always do every summer that my friends hate me for no reason whatsoever #just because they haven’t been responding to some of my messages or leaving me on open #it’s so stupid i hate that my brain does this cause it makes me bitter and upset #eugh. i want to throw myself into the sun maybw that will make me feel better #lacey talks

0 notes

klmp11s · 2 months

Note

Hey! I really love your writing!! 🧡 I was wondering if you could write malleus, ace, rook, vil, and epel with a m! Reader who smokes cigarettes but tries to keep it a secret because they’re pretty ashamed of it? I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable with this request 🙏

Hello!! Thank you very much 🫶🫶 , I can even understand the reader, because sometimes I suffer from this myself 😶‍🌫️ (English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes)

Summary: reader smokes cigarettes, but tries to keep it a secret because he is pretty ashamed of it Characters: Ace Trappola, Vil Schoenheit, Rook Hunt, Epel Felmier, Malleus Draconia Warning: male!reader who smokes cigarettes, romantic(?)

Ace Trappola

He definitely came to your dorm room and he LITERALLY DIDN'T KNOCK?? AGAIN?

But as soon as he enters your room, he remains in the doorway in shock.

Uh... are you smoking now? Are you serious? IT'S LITERALLY WORTH THIS: 🧍😦

He admits, you MAY be looking well.. um HOT OKAY right now, but he's still trying to figure out what's going on. At that moment he remembers that he didn’t even fully enter your room and literally slams the door while running towards you

The moment your cigarette flies out of the open window, they start shaking your shoulders.

I don’t know if you know what this is, but imagine that you are trying to cough up the smoke in your lungs and at the same time you are LITERALLY INTERFERRED??

It's very unpleasant, believe me

Okay, now while you are trying to justify yourself to him, they interrupt you and start throwing a barrage of questions at you. FOR WHAT?? Why are you doing this? Why are you ruining your health? Are you okay with your head??

You even cease to understand which of you is more worried. But okay, now you're starting to feel the shame rising from within.

You ask him NOT TO TELL ANYONE AT ALL, to which he agrees with suspicion, but now he is waiting for an explanation from you. Come on, he's listening.

Have you seen the “can you replace your cigarettes with my lips” meme? LMAO IT'S HIM BUT I SWEAR HE WILL NOT TELL YOU THIS DIRECTLY.

Regardless of your reason for smoking, he will most likely try to prevent you from doing it so often.

HE WILL CHECK if you smell like cigarettes, he's serious literally 🧐🐕

Vil Schoenheit

He doesn't even know how to react to this?? He accidentally met you on the street while you were smoking

Okay, now you're going to have to EXPLAIN, YOU UNDERSTAND?

He also obviously doesn't like the smell of tobacco at all and God forbid you dropped ashes on your uniform

You immediately ask him not to tell a single living soul about this, seriously, not to tell ANYONE about this

He understands this. But didn't you think that they could obviously notice you? If it was one of the teachers, obviously you would be out of luck at all.

At one point he even forgot why he was looking for you in the first place. Now, while he is leading you to his dorm, he asks you the reason.

I don’t think he will condemn it if you really have a good reason, but the main thing is not to do such things around him.

Do you also know that smoking not only harms your health, but also your appearance?

Also, at the moment when you say that you are ashamed of this, he will say in a completely calm tone that everything is not as bad as you think, do you understand?

I think he could try to help you quit if that's what you really wanted, but he's not the kind of person who would put pressure on someone with an addiction.

He could offer you alternative options to slow down your bad habit.

Rook Hunt

He is aware of this long before you burned in front of him He will literally stand in front of you and just watch: 🧍🤗

You literally DIED at that moment. First of all, he literally came out of nowhere?? Secondly, REMOVE THE CIGARETTE FROM YOUR MOUTH

The moment you turn to him, he just calmly starts talking to you about something completely different.

Okay, he doesn't care 🙏🙏 . Now you feel calmer and you begin to ask him not to talk about this to anyone at all. Only he and you know about this, understand?

To which he completely calmly agrees and continues to tell you something completely ordinary.

You feel nervous because he agreed so easily and didn’t even ask questions, is there a catch? You carefully ask him about it, and you hear half of the words in French. Okay, if he understands that this is just a bad habit and he doesn’t see the need to tell others about it, that’s the main thing.

He is also ready to reassure you and assure you that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, because it all remains a secret, right?

Now your secret is kept between you and the hunter. But do you remember that he knew about this much earlier?

Obviously, he might notice that you have a slight smell of tobacco coming from you. (That smell literally gets into your clothes and hair, you know?), I also think he could find a pack of cigarettes in your room and not say anything about it at all.

You are interesting, so many secrets and not a single listener, right?

Epel Felmier

He ran to your room to escape from Vil

As soon as he comes to you, he sees a picture: you are standing in front of an open window and lighting a cigarette. Okay, you've never thrown things out of your hands so quickly.

Looks like you have some explaining to do now, huh?

He may even accidentally scream (more like a squeak and a shocking gasp), are you doing WHAT

You just look at each other for a while, completely silent. At that moment, something clicks in your head and you grab his hands and ask that no one, I repeat, NO ONE, knows except him.

If you also say that you are ashamed, he will jump up sharply and begin to calm you down. Maybe he’ll tell you what Vil did to his appearance before, so that you’re not the only one who feels shame.

This is a SECRET and you don’t want anyone to know about it. He looks at you for a while and carefully turns his gaze to the window where you stood a couple of minutes ago. Well, he might agree to keep quiet about it. BUT

Why are you doing this? Like, first of all, how did you bring them to college and secondly, how long have you been doing this?

Okay, now you sit with Epel and explain that you developed this habit much earlier than you arrived here. Okay, he can understand that, I guess?

But I think he could agree with you that: 1. You try not to do this in front of him, and he is also thinking about helping you get rid of this habit; 2. You don't tell anyone from his dorm that he comes running and hides in your room! 3. Don’t blow smoke on him, it burns his eyes, you know?

I think he would like to somehow help you get rid of your addiction, but he has not yet figured out how to do this.

Malleus Draconia

He was walking at night and was near your dorm when he saw you on the porch. He just wanted to say hello and you literally screamed? Did he scare you? He also cautiously approaches you and looks at you while you are doing something, he literally: 🧍

When you started to fuss, he noticed that you were throwing something aside and hiding another thing in your pocket. I think he might want to know what happened, but if you don't want to tell him, he might understand.

I also think that he has quite a keen sense of smell. Apparently he smelled tobacco from you.

Okay, now he's aware. You begin to ask him not to tell anyone about this. And he calmly agrees, but could he ask why you are doing this?

When you say that this has long become a nervous habit, he could tell you how in his homeland they cope with some kind of addiction.

When you also say that you are really ashamed that he saw you in such a state, he really tries to calm you down. He doesn't see anything so bad in it that you feel shame, you know?

You could also spend most of the night talking to him about it. Congratulations, you have not yet smoked a single cigarette in front of him while you were in such a sudden surge of stress. It is commendable.

You never cease to amaze him. He is really pleased that you shared something so personal with him. Now this is your and his secret, and you don’t even have to worry, because he will keep it safe and sound

The characters do not belong to me, they belong to their rightful owners, please do not edit, translate, repost my works on other platforms, also without my permission and @

#twst x reader #twst x male reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #ace trappola x male reader #ace trappola x reader #vil schoenheit x male reader #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt x male reader #rook hunt x reader #epel felmier x male reader #epel felmier x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia x male reader

283 notes · View notes

missyandthemisfits · 2 months

Note

Thinking about the toman guys (and anyone else) with a reader who is naturally pretty/beautiful. Looks like a literal angel but they’re mischievous af. Like they never get caught because they look so innocent. Like how could their little angel ever beat up some girl who tried flirting with them? Like literally brat. Petty af and instigators. Lmao

A/N as a demon in disguise myself 🫣 non-chan I am VERY happy you sent this!

Sweet Angel

Mikey's eyes widened a bit at meeting Angel girl, but then he smiles and approached her with relative ease, telling her outright how beautiful she is - some girls are intimidated by the invincible Mikey but strangely enough, Angel is not, giving him an angelic smile. It's a little blinding. Everything from her movements, to the way she interacted was just ethereal to him and he could literally just sit and watch her operate for hours. He's pretty quick to ask her out honestly. Thinks the dynamic is a little wild until he hears about Y/N one day from some girls passing by on the street, one a lot worse off than the other, both teary eyed and clearly frustrated. He stops and questions them and they hesitate, looking over their shoulders before their faces scrunch up. They don't explain much only that they "Really shouldn't be talking to him" and ran off, prompting more questions. On his way to fetch Angel he thinks he's got it pieced together.

"Y/N. Those girls from the other day, did you-,"Mikey almost misses the smirk but it's gone as he does a double take. She finally turns to him but there's something alot less sweet in her cherry smile.

"Hmm? Not sure what you might be referring to, Mikey-kun!"

And things get alot more interesting for him, truly all about it his wicked Angel. •

Draken was a pretty straightforward kind of guy, someone who would tell you if something was right or wrong, someone who would chastise you for taking things further than they probably should have gone - it was for this reason that Angel decided to keep him out of the loop on this particular occasion. He was almost taken aback by how pretty this Angel was but had a sneaking suspicion there was more to her than what she presented. He was right of course and this suspicions were confirmed when instead of "getting upset" about the girls flirting with the taller boy as if she wasn't there, she kept a smile on, going as far as grabbing the girls hands and pulling them along with her. The girls never came back but Y/N looked much more relieved somehow.

"Friends of yours?"

"Not at all." She smiles but her tone was as direct as ever, "Ou, there's an ice cream stand over there! Can we get some please??"

She pouted and he relented, silently sweating when he caught the sight of her bloodied knuckles, dainty hands placed almost stealthily into her sweat pockets.

He worries a lot more that he lets on about the Demon-like Angel, but she knows that already.

•

Mitsuya is loaded with patience and understanding, kindness and warmth really not that common within his circle of friends and acquaintances. He takes notice of her beauty instantly, but is coy about it, not wanting to scare the (seemingly) innocent girl off - he was technically a delinquent after all. He enjoys getting to know her; her kindness, her sweet nature, her ability to nurture those around her - but even after they started dating, there was this gut feeling, something he can't quite put his finger on about her, something important he feels is a missing piece of the puzzle that is Y/N. He's working on some sketches for a new design he's been playing with the idea of when a couple very eager girls approach him. It wasn't uncommon for some of his classmates or even some of the younger girls to try and worm their way into his life on a very... personal level, but he was always quick to shut it down, politely of course. These two underclassmen hadn't quite got that message though- Y/N wrapped her arms around his middle, eye contact never once breaking with the girls, stern as she said "He's spoken for." They're so intimidated they drop a few papers on their way to the door, of which Angel is happy to return, arms around the girls followed by a hushed tone.

"The next time you lot decide to try and take something that doesn't belong to you, I won't be so nice. Understood?" Had he heard that correctly?

Y/N is starry eyed and playful as she heads back over and he raises a brow.

"Should I be worried...?" She shakes her head, placing butterfly kisses on his fingertips.

"Just girl talk~"

Part of him is really flattered someone so pretty would be so possessive over him, the other part is a little worried about the other girls.

Angel is full of surprises.

•

Hakkai was a hard sell, awkward and uncomfortably shy, especially around the effervescent Angel - who was he to even speak to someone so gorgeous? To look at her? But after many attempts on Angels part at breaking the ice, and many more swift kicks from his beloved older sister, there was a breakthrough and a relationship was born not long after the friendship was finally established. He was so very sweet, so gentle - when he actually got the nerve to touch her, that is. He was always so hesitant about it, never wanting to cause her any sort of harm. There were times other girls approached him, random ones - and though it was rude, he didn't really interact with them at all, their poking and prodding in vain. Y/N had of course taken it upon herself to handle the situation, unknowingly. He'd heard various rumors about his Angel; A true Demon in disguise but it was nothing he could vouch for, not having seen it personally. He chalked it up to bullshit and hearsay, nothing more - a pack of petty jealous strangers. And why would she ever trouble her sweet boyfriend with the goings on of a few wayward girls? He had enough to worry about.

Ignorance is bliss as they say, and his Angel made him incredibly happy - that's all that mattered.

•

Baji had only really had 2 crushes in the entirety of his life; one in primary school and one in middle school - neither of which he confessed to. Those crushes were nothing compared to the intense feeling in his chest at just the sight of Y/N, an Angel among men. It was downright embarrassing and he kicked himself out of his daze, forced his breathing to settle, and ignored the fluttering in his stomach when she approached him all smiles.

"Keisuke Baji, right? I've heard a lot about you - you're cuter than they say. Wanna go out sometime?"

And just like that, they were an item, a power couple if you will. Truthfully, any response even hinting at him focusing on school died on his tongue, just so taken by her beauty and her boldness. He was doomed from the start. His arm is around her waist so much there are people who actually think it might be glued there - nope he's just very into showing her off. That said, there exist girls/women who would try to take those who are already taken, not very smart on their part... one of his subordinates rounds the corner, sprinting to Baji and saying something along the lines of "Someone is fighting Y/N" his mind goes almost blank as he pushes past him only to come to his girl's side and realize there's nothing to see. Her hands are behind her back, all smiles, as the girls in question scurry off, prominent bruises. He's got questions but he doesn't know if she's gonna give any answers.

Still, he'd be lying if he said it didn't make Angel that much hotter.

•

Chifuyu for all intents and purposes is very much a dork - and most are aware of that even when he tries his best to be this hard, cool delinquent. He thinks he's gotta be that guy to have even half a chance with the ladies so when an Angel approaches him in a manga shop, he's thrown completely off guard. She's probably the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and he's sweating instantly. Luckily for him, she seems to have a dorky side herself, smiling as she rants about the latest issue of [manga name]. The fact that she's into similar things makes it much easier for him to warm up and before he knows it, he's confessing unexpectedly. He doesn't even have time to stress about the outburst because there's an immediate 'yes' to his ask and he actually goes 'really?'. Thinks he's the luckiest dude to ever live with Y/N on his arm and still can't quite fathom why him, but he tries his absolute best to make her happy, and he really does. He's so entranced by her, grinning like a fool while taking in her beauty, doesn't even notice the lingering touch of another girl, desperate for his attention while she thanks him for his purchase. If looks could kill, Angel might be behind bars, but Chifuyu is somehow none the wiser, even after the rumors start springing up. He might get around to asking about them...one day.

But for now, he really couldn't care less if Angel had beat that girl up or not, somehow writing it off completely.

•

Nahoya was confident, even when he wasn't - and most people steered clear of the excitable twin, knowing better than to get involved with someone so clearly dangerous. Y/N was not those people. She approached out of the blue one day, completely in awe of the motorcycles parked outside of her parent's bakery/home. He gave her his signature grin, cool despite the heat in his cheeks at her proximity. She was definitely flirting with the older twin - and to no one's surprise, he flirted back. He was almost intimidated by her beauty, her Angel face, but he was never one to back down from a challenge. To his surprise, getting the girl was far less challenging than he thought initially - she was just as into him as he was into her. A total bragger, he purposely shows her off constantly, a lazy arm draped around her middle, fingertips dangerously low on her hips - always testing the boundaries. His Angel does mind it one bit. What she does mind is the fact that every now and then, he entertains the flirting of another, not accepting any advances but not really shooing them away either. It's rather annoying, honestly... He's a little surprised to hear of the hearsay that starts to circulate, the news that Y/N would beat the breaks off anyone who thought they might stand a chance with her Smiley. Curious, he tests this and gets his answers - very amusing answers that he asks her about playfully.

"Huh? Me? Well I would certainly never hit anyone who didn't absolutely deserve it, but beating people up for no reason is just mean!" She's got this cutesy look on her face but he recognizes that mischievous glint all too well, but he only laughs with a nonchalant 'Sure,sure.'

He loves that his Angel fights for him, even if it's in secret - because God knows he does the same for her.

•

Souya looks as though he truly belongs in a gang, angry facial expressions giving 'fuck off' without actually having to say anything at all. Any conversation with him though, even one in passing, let's people know otherwise - he was very polite and very kind, though also very reserved. He wasn't exactly shy but the case of Angel was very different for him. He found himself wholly intimidated by her beauty alone, so to find she was also very sweet and loving? It made him something of a wreck internally. He was thrown off balance completely by how nice and friendly she was with him, even at the start. She would always ask for his opinion on things, gift him small things like cellphone straps and keychains, and even go out of her way to greet him and rope him into conversations. He hadn't experienced anything like it before so of course he developed feelings. But alas, pretty girls didn't go for boys like him - or so he had convinced himself. Takes him a full minute to process this Godsent being had just asked HIM out. Nearly shuts down. But sweet Y/N quite literally holds his hand through it - though that doesn't really help steady his heart rate...like at all. He fawns over his Angel like no other, really truly spoiling her with food and gifts galore. He's so very attentive and cuddly (once he gets passed the initial embarrassment) it's honestly the cutest thing. Y/N honestly hadn't expected anyone to flirt with Angry, his expression more than enough to ward people off...but they did. Poor boy doesn't even realize it's happening. He thanks the random girl for the napkins and innocently asks why there's a number on them - Angel isn’t having it. Souya asks about the rumors only after seeing the cuts and bruises on her knuckles, tentatively placing bandaids on her delicate fingers.

"I only wanted to make sure she knew you were already seeing someone, that's all..." She pouts teary eyed and he's putty in her scrapped hands, assuring her that it was fine and just to be more careful, very flattered by the entire ordeal.

He's so sweet on this Angelic Creature that he absolutely won't do anything about it, but he will encourage a healthier way of expressing her discomfort.

•

Kazutora is a bit of a flirt when he wants to be, but can flip it off just as quickly as he turned it on if he’s no longer interested or just plain bored. It scratches the itch of wanting to be wanted while keeping people at a comfortable distance. Yea, all of that is thrown out the window when he meets a real life Angel in Y/N. He’s great a reading people and can tell when they’re being nice as some fake gesture or show - this beauty is free from all that, which is fairly rare itself. But she takes it a step further, going out of her way to be extra kind to him, through words and actions, somehow giving him a reason to believe in humanity again. It’s actually pretty jarring for him. So much so he takes a step back for a moment or two, only to realize he’s already kind of hooked on her affection and attention (Being starved for affection will do that). Can’t keep his eyes off her, the thoughts of her at bay, and after weeks of deliberation, he confesses and she knows then he’s sort of fighting himself on that. But as always, she’s peachy when she grabs his hand carefully, continuing to the train station. Their first date is somewhere completely unserious like an amusement park or fair. He’s well aware that the girl at the ticket booth is flirting but he just completely ignores it, almost snatching the tickets for extra convincing. She takes the hint but just the audacity - Angel waits for her after work with more than a few words while Kazutora makes his way to a nearby restroom. He’s out just in time to see Y/N waving off a clearly terrified young woman. He puts it together fairly quickly and finds it hysterical.

He’s truly thankful for his Angel, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna tease her about it every now and then.

•

Taiju is a man who knows exactly what he wants and what he wanted was Y/N. A Godly man, he’s got a thing for good girls - obedient girls you could say. Is actively working on himself as a person/businessman when Angel falls out of the sky – or in this case, stumbles back into his strong arms. He’s pretty surprised but he blinks as Angel apologizes. He assures the beauty that he’s fine and then asks if she’s alright. He’s almost in awe at how unreal she seems, how delicate her features, how sweet her smile. He’s staring with those intimidating eyes and all she does is smile, saying something along the lines of “You sure you’re okay? I can make it up to you if you let me take you out.” He’s got some pretty old-school ways about him so he firmly believes that the MAN should ask the WOMAN out (whatever), but how could he not forgive such beautiful bravery? He was delighted to find this Angel, Y/N, was just as sweet inwardly as she was outwardly. She would give without asking, care without expectation, and it pushed him want to give everything to her, his soul included. Believe it or not, Taiju had received many confessions over the years and although before Y/N he couldn’t care less about any of them, he still turned them down as gently as possible. That said, Angel wasn’t having any of that. Y/N was actually rather impatient at times, waiting right good until Taiju had turned his back before kicking the random stranger in her shin, smile still intact. There was a small yelp but the oldest Shiba only spared a parting glance as his Angel latched her beautiful self onto his arm once more.

Whatever damage his Angel caused was of no consequence to him, for everything she did was for his sake.

254 notes · View notes

lotusmi · 1 year

Note

SUCCESS STORY!!🤎🧸

tw//mental problems, abusive family, bullying, suicide attempt, manifest/void obsession

first of all i want to thank lotus because it helped me even when i was thinking about suicide❤️‍🩹

it's been years since I learned loa and I was having problems with the manifest. althought I have known loa for 2-3 years, i constantly reacted to 3D and for such reasons I could not manifest anything for 2-3 years. and when i first learned loa i was obsessed with void. I was hurting myself to enter void. like if you don't enter void today I will kill you. i was crazy because of void. at the same time, I was staying in the family environment that dragged me to death, and I was bullied at school . i was hated by people even though i did nothing. i tried to commit suicide many times, my family wouldn't let me go to the therapist. also, no one said anything to the bullying I saw. thats why I bullied myself for years in the same way. if I told anyone I was being bullied and asked for help, they would say it was probably my problem to my face💀💀 and towards the end of 2022, i seriously couldn't stand it anymore. i was constantly reading blogs [i think there is no blog i haven't read, lmao] and the last time i couldn't stand it, i tried suicide again, but i failed. later i wrote to lotus and she gave me a lot of advice (baby ily😩❤️) and i cried more than i have ever cried that night. the problem is that while people were already ruining me, the real problem was that i was ruining myself too. after that day, in the first week, i had so many problems in my manifest journey. but until 2023, i said to myself, "i don't want to live like this anymore. i deserve the life I want.” i made a promise. and every time I felt like quitting, i remembered my promise to myself. and now i have revised my whole life, i live in dubai🤭. if you're going to ask how i did this, i started to listen to my inner voice, i almost stopped entering tumblr. i stopped affirming and wrote down the things that i was gonna revise one by one, and added them to the notes app on my phone. i made a note at the bottom that I already have these in my life. when “what if I can't manifest the life I want?” if such thoughts came to my mind, i told myself that the creation was already finished. in this process, i focused only on myself and was developing my self concept. before I went to bed at night, i was constantly imagining the life I wanted and I was staying in that state and saying I already had the life I wanted, I didn't affirm anything extra. and even those who made life difficult for me started to apologize to me. (i manifested their karma life lol) anyway I don't want to talk more about those bitches but I want to mention this. please take a break. relax. stay away from things like void, loa for a few days. I noticed that some of you are obsessed with void on this blog. but i must say void is just a method. if i manifested the life i wanted when i was only 12-13 years old, you can do it too. take a break and do what feels good to you. love yourself. loa blogs can help you up to a point. they can't spare all their days for you. start taking responsibility. find manifest methods that work well for you. love yourself. meditate. i’ve talked a lot but I would like to add that, if someone tells you that you are the cause of the circumstances you are experiencing right now, that you created the conditions in which you live, please tell them to shut their fucking mouths. no such thing. i was blaming myself again, thinking what a disgusting monster i am just because this “you create ur reality” thingy. but the truth is that creation is already over. good luck!

MY FAV SUCCESS STORY TO EXIST!!!! 😭

I literally cried when this girl texted me saying she is living her dream life, I was so pround, I am pround 💗

Backstory, she first texted me 12/15/2022

She told me everything about her circumstances, they were really bad ones, and she was 12 at time and this made my heart so broken (she revised her age) since her parents were really toxic and disgusting ( I am not going to say much about her old story).

So I told her all about the toxic home I lived and how I manifested it away too (my success, my failures).

So, time passed and 01/feb I got this text!

I literally cried because I was so happy for herrrr 💗😭😭

"How she did it?"

She focused in her inner Self being the only reality and ignored all circumstances!

"and i would love to you to add those youtubers and blogs" insta: - kriston jackson youtube: - lana blakely tumblr: - @becomingthatgirl111 — other sources abt loa: - joe dispenza, edward art"

I literally cried so much and I am so happy for you my angel, look how you did it! You were 12 and revised your whole life! 💗💗💗

And that are people out there who don't believe that it is possible to manifest things. Look at this girl 💓

You did it amazing love, I am so pround of you. You are deserving of all the best things in the world. I wish you all the fun in life. Thank you sm for sending me this, I feel so appreciated that I had helped you, but who did all of this was YOU! 💗💗💗

✉️You all, everything is possible!

#neville goddard #law of assumption #loa tumblr #loa advice #loa blog #manifesting #success story #living in the end #loatumblr #Lotuses success

2K notes · View notes

alwaysshallow · 4 months

Text

how you get the girl

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x female reader

READ ON AO3

You spend Valentine's Day with your best friend, perfectly oblivious to his feelings to you. (3k)

A/N: an exchange gift for @tokusho!! hope you like it; Kyle is a sweetheart!! a sweetheart that loved you from the very start, it would be proper to say. I wouldn't be myself if I wouldn't include smut in it lmao

People love winter for multiple reasons.

First, school doesn't bug them that much. Sure, there’s always something to do, but it’s calmer around Christmas time and February, when all of the exams are over. Time for yourself, learning new hobbies or expanding current ones. Cute.

It's also the best to spend this time on travelling—around the world or near the area someone lives in. No matter where, it’s good to take a breath and visit your family or friends, too.

Or just to wander around your town, taking in nature and thinking about mundane things, far from the school, far from the boring reality someone is in. When you can just be amazed by the view right in front of you, thinking how small the world really is, how grateful you are to be here.

Secondly, it's a cozy season. You can get lost in watching those silly romcom movies, trying to bake something edible from the various cooking shows that are out here. Wanting to be at least half as good as Gordon Ramsay is, or to serve the best cake in the world. Everyone makes it so effortless, it’s only natural to want to try it too.

Does it work?

Well, based on your own experience, you're certainly better at it, but cinnamon rolls are by far the best thing you can make—mostly because it can't be too sweet. And your main problem? Making things way too sweet. Not because you like it that way, not because you have someone who likes it that way, you just… Well, let's say, you like to skip the amount of things you have to add.

Everything is "on eye" and maybe it works with cooking, but certainly not baking.

All of those reasons could be your reasons why you would like winter. Could—because you have one that is way more important than baking or being alone.

Because this is the season when you see Kyle Garrick after months of being apart. You see his dumb smile whenever you open the door for him, how happy he is to be here. How he literally can’t wait to step into your house and be here for a couple of weeks since that’s how he uses his leave. Couple of days for other friends and catching around. The rest is for you.

Kyle is your friend from high school. Years spent together in the same classes, parties, he was—still is—a dear friend that had your back, and you had his, always, no matter how shitty the situation was.

Inseparable, that’s what you were. Attending the same practices, no matter if it was a football one, art classes or something else; you always were here for a good laugh, especially if you sucked at some activities.

Everyone around always saw you together. There were even a few rumors about you two dating, but it never came down to this, to being together despite years of flirting and a few innocent kisses, there and there. You two didn’t even talk about this, much to your dismay.

Maybe you would, if he didn’t leave for the military. Tough separation, leaving you on ice with no one to help you to get up and get your shit together because life doesn’t only depend on one boy that you’re hopelessly devoted to. Took a couple of months, but you eventually got used to it—being with him for a couple of days or weeks to see him leaving for another couple of months. Weeks.

You sometimes wonder if he has someone out there. Waiting there for him in the military, even if it’s forbidden at some point. Or, maybe he has some medic that always patches him up after the missions, a small smile at her lips, keeping his secrets. Keeping his bed warm, making the whole thing easier because she’s always gonna be around. No matter what.

“—and he’s just a moron.”

But maybe if he did have someone, he wouldn’t spend Valentine’s Day with you.

You look up at him, a confused look on your face, but you manage to give him a smile. He probably talks about the movie that you two are watching; a classic romcom, Love Actually, but you’re not sure. You got too lost in your thoughts to know who he is calling a moron and give it more than a second of your thinking.

He seems to know that. An arch of his eyebrows exposes him, appearing when he always thinks of something a little too much. Military habit, he once explained, but it makes you chuckle every time.

“Who’s a moron?” you ask, deciding not to act dumb—it wouldn’t work in front of him. Not when he knows the pattern of your thoughts, not when you two know each other inside out.

“Him. I would give up on a girl that’s taken, sure, especially if she’s nothing but eye candy. A stupid desire that would end the friendship. But he literally filmed her through the entire wedding,” he mutters, his fingers curling slowly the ends of your hair. He repeats the action several times, even if he talks. You think it’s soothing him in some way. “She had to mean everything for him.”

“It’s about the art of letting go. She was in love with his best friend, it’s… not that simple.” You shrug; for some reason, Kyle barks a laugh at that. Startled, you punch him with your elbow and you take a little distance. “What? You don’t agree? Come on, you wouldn’t do it.”

“Well, ‘m not the one to do it normally, but if I’d be obsessed enough to keep my eyes only on her, I might as well give it a better chance before she gets married,” he huffs. If you didn’t know him like you do, you’d suspect that there's a bitterness somewhere in it, the way he says it. Mad, almost like it’s about him, and a single thought about it makes you sick in your stomach. “Wouldn’t you?”

You gulp. It feels like an interrogation, not a simple talk between two best friends about a romantic comedy that you just watched. There’s a hardness in his tone, demand for answer. “No. I’d put his happiness before mine. If he’s happy, if he has plans that don't involve me in some way, maybe that’s only right. Especially if it’s like this for some time right now.”

It’s not the confession itself, it’s not your feelings with your heart that you put on a silver platter for him to take, but it speaks. It screams, suffocated so many years under the water because you don’t want to ruin anything that’s between you two. Maybe it would be easier in high school, maybe before that prom where he went with Lizzie instead of you, but it didn’t happen.

So, in your mind, it’s something that needs to be buried deep. Six feet underground, where you could meet your feelings from time to time with all the memories that followed it. When you’d eventually move on, but it doesn’t happen.

A small ding in the kitchen rescues you from the fiasco that could happen with this conversation; suddenly, you have to check on your cookies and decorate them, as you always have. Year by year, something sweet; a recompensation for being single so many years in a row.

It doesn’t take much time to have Kyle looming over you like a vulture, curious what you have here. It doesn’t take much time for him to help you; clumsily, but he does a cute job with decorating, even if it’s way too much cream there and there. You have no heart to tell him that, though. And, it doesn’t take him much time to think that’s way too boring for now, so he should do something different.

Something different: dance with you, like he always has. An old song playing from his phone, one hand on your waist, while the other hand travels to make you move. He doesn’t talk (he never does when you two dance, not unless you’re gonna start doing that), he just looks at you. Chocolate brown eyes staring into yours, like they’re trying to see something in yours.

“Boyfriend material,” you could say; and you do, without realizing it at first—Kyle’s smile gives it away.

“I mean, can’t say no to that.” He grins, happy. You, right now, want to kill yourself in some way. “I’m pretty useful in many ways, if I have to say so myself. I mean, just think of how many times you’ve been impressed with me already.” He chuckles, turning you around and around with seemingly no problem. He’s always like this; charming, boyish. Making you fall right into the trap with his eyes, straight up from a fairytale.

He is, in fact, from a fairytale. Too perfect to be real and too perfect to be single, guys like him are always snatched from the public. Kept close the heart because every woman in the world deserves someone like him.

“Your ego could be tempered, though.” You poke his chest (ridiculously hard chest), while he laughs again.

“Always charming. You love my ego,” he points out. You might not agree out loud, but in your mind? Oh, hell yes. Not debatable.

You’d give everything to love him properly. To cherish him, to make him happy when he’s on leave with kisses, gifts, with taking him to your family so he’ll have a scrap of normal life. To wake up beside him in bed, arms sneaked around you with a dose of protectiveness that he always has, even if it’s not the romantic one like you want it to be.

“And you’re thinking way too much, pretty,” he chuckles, leaning over you even more. The size difference between you two is evident and big, encouraging him. Always had, especially when he knows how much of an impact he has like that. “Care to share?”

“Usual shit,” you answer, clearing your throat. Two beats of silence pass, when he sighs and turns you around one more time, pulling you closer to himself. Chest to chest, or—your head to his chest, to be exact. You have to look up at him to see his eyes. “Kyle—”

“—is it about that movie we watched? You love someone that you can’t have?” He shoots a question at you; unexpected, a swift bullet going right through you. Making you tremble, feeling like you’re not in a warm house, but in the busy, cold street in London in your underwear only.

“No, it’s—”

“—Because if so, why didn’t you tell me? I bet there’s a way—”

“—there’s no way, that’s the problem. That’s the problem because you’re funny, handsome and you probably have someone here, way more interesting than me, so I don’t understand why you are here right now. I don’t, I won’t…” You breathe. There’s a lot in you right now, way too much to unload it right now.

“You love me?”

The choice of words, so carefully avoided by you the whole time, dawns on you. Makes an unpleasant feeling in your stomach, the presence of thousands of butterflies informing you that, in fact, you do love him. Always had, even if you denied to use these specific words.

“Since high school.” It’s a quiet confession. Almost shy, but you look him straight in the eye when you say that, taking a step back when he takes a step forward.

“And why you… didn’t tell me sooner?”

“Wanted to. But when you took that girl to the prom, something…” You sigh. Taking a moment because for the first time, you need to be honest about your feelings. “I don’t know, something snapped. I thought it would ruin everything between us, I thought it’s not worth it to say that I want something more when you want someone else. And, after you got around the idea of being in the military—”

He steals the rest of the words with a kiss. Soft, indicating you don’t need to say more than you’ve already said because it’s all he needs to know, actually. It’s the first time he does it completely sober, not driven by alcohol, curiosity or some dare—it’s something that he wants to do, and you can feel it on your lips. The hot feeling of desire, when your hands travel under his t-shirt, where you didn’t have access earlier.

“Took her only because Jake said he’s going with you. I had no idea that he was lying,” he whispers out. Nervous, like he might spill some secret, while you just can’t keep yourself from smiling. “I wanted this,” he points at you and himself after another kiss, “since I’ve fuckin’ left. Got sick thinking of other bloody bastards that could—”

“Thinking too much?” you interrupt him, reminding him of his words from earlier. Words that, right now, seem even more appropriate given the situation between you two and how unimportant the past is.

Garrick huffs with disbelief, amused. “A fucking minx you are, y’know that?”

He doesn’t let you say anything in response, as his teeth clack against yours when he kisses you, hastily, like a man starved. Hands going around your waist just to transfer the two of you to your bedroom, decorated for Valentine's Day, unintentionally.

And maybe it makes sense, when you think of everything he has done for you, when he’s on top of you, placing a map of kisses on your body. Maybe it makes sense how he always brought you something on Valentine’s Day, making you feel special. Always saying that it’s a “commercial event” and nothing else, just a day, even if he always brought you flowers, teddybears and chocolates.

How he always spent it on doing your favorite things. Ice rink, going to a match, movies, it didn’t matter—what mattered was you. How he didn’t deny that you’re a couple when some strangers cooed that you two look absolutely perfect with each other. Only a big smile on his face, arm around you, protectively. Making sure that you’re here with him, not anywhere else.

He always keeps you close, even right now, insisting on holding hands when he fucks you, making you fall in love with the idea. Kyle moves slowly, like he wants to remember every inch of your body for the first time you’re so close with him, but it doesn’t last long. It doesn’t because it takes a couple of your moans and he goes mad crazy about the whole thing.

Between the sudden rough, fast pace of his thrusts, he talks a lot. You don’t get much of it, melted into a puddle of your own thoughts; you wanted it so bad. Fantasized, touched yourself to the thought of him to have him right here, right now, and now he’s rutting into you like a maniac. Spreading you open like it’s not even a challenge for him, which makes it easy to ignore the first pain of his cock in you.

When one of his hands circles around your throat (one hand still holding yours, fingers intertwined, like he insisted on doing), you pay more attention to his words, even if they’re incoherent. Messy, he lets every thought flow out of his mind, no matter if they have end or not, no matter if he said something similar or not. You are the one thing that entangles them, even if his words make you feel more and more weak in your knees. How good you are for him, how he’s not gonna give this pussy to anyone, how much your body will make him lose his shit.

He makes the whole thing way more intimate than it already is, luring you into the endless pleasure with him, when he leaves hickeys on your skin, a mark that he was here. Making you depend on him, intoxicating like a couple of colorful drinks, always making you dizzy, but nonetheless, you always want more, until you’re gonna see stars.

And that’s what you see with Kyle Garrick. It doesn’t even feel real, until your fingernails scratch his bare back and your fingers from the other hand tighten around his. Your legs are weak for him, your whole body is.

You feel it twice as hard when he comes too, babbling the whole time about you being the only woman in his life and marrying you. In a bliss, you only smile, kissing his forehead a couple of times, when he hugs you tight, like he doesn’t want you to leave the bed.

Not like you planned to do it anyway.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he murmurs against your shoulder, moving a little; you feel how his cum leaks from you. His softened cock still in you, as Garrick apparently doesn’t feel like pulling it out.

“The best Valentine’s Day,” you correct him with a lazy smile on your face. Content, for the first time in the while.

Garrick nods, slowly. “Yeah. Ended up in having sex, so—”

“—you’re the worst,” you laugh, shaking your head. Kyle seems almost scared for a moment, but when he sees that you’re genuinely laughing, he breathes out. “Only because of that? Not because your best friend basically confessed her feelings to you?”

“That too. Obvious option.” He grins, while you smack him with amusement. Kyle bites your shoulder, leaving another mark, while his other hand ruffles your hair.

You groan. “You’re gonna explain it tomorrow to my parents. All those hickeys and bites, young man.”

“You think they’re gonna be mad? Gonna tell them we’re together and they will ask about children,” he laughs; and he’s completely right about it, though. Your parents were cheering for you two from the start, they probably still do. “Anyway, we should order something. I don’t feel like cooking when I have you in bed.”

You huff, amused. “Romantic.”

“Very,” he snides, pulling you closer. His hand travels south, fingers circling near your clit. “Delivery will take some time, so we have to… make use of the time. You tired yet?”

“No, but—”

“—Fantastic.”

#kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick x reader #gaz x you #cod x reader #cod smut #kyle gaz garrick smut #gaz cod #kyle garrick fluff #kyle garrick smut #kyle garrick x you

379 notes · View notes