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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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bixels · 30 days

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Scary Sunset.

I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.

#mlp #sunset shimmer #twilight sparkle #twiset #the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art #deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement #but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way #when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too #fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory #and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her #anyways toxic yuri yayyy #my art #the grand galloping 20s #character design #i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days #i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate #is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey

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kimtaegis · 3 days

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JIN HUGS JIN HUGS! for @jinstronaut ♡

cr. namuspromised, dwellingsouls, 0613data

#btsgif #dailybts #btsedit #seokjin #bts #bangtan #usersky #usersan #userkelli #usermaggie #raplineuser #usersevn #tuserandi #userpat #userines #*sj #* bangtan #*comp #*gifs #em I have no idea in which timezone you are so I'm just gonna let this post at midnight my time asdgh #HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!!!! I hope you'll have theeee bestest of days today my love you deserve it like no one else #I mean you've literally gifted us 500+ jin sets over the past 18 months -#this seems like the smallest thank you in return #you asked if someone could send you jinnie hugs so here I am!!!#if I could I'd fly to korea grab that man under his gigantic shoulders and bring him directly to your doorstep for the biggest bday hug #but for now this little set will have to do!#it gave me so much happiness just look at all the smiles with those big hugs :( and ofc I had to start and end it with jinkook <33 #I love you lots emmeline thank you for being an amazing person all the time #you deserve so much appreciation and love and I hope you get showered with just that #not only today but all the time <3

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inkskinned · 1 year

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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

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yrdnzz · 15 days

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and i got eyes on the back of my head, i got eyes everywhere so i know where you go

#yrdnzz art #blue lock #blue lock fanart #isagi yoichi #isagi #bllk #artists on tumblr #hey #been a minute.... sorry fazgang #I FEEL LIKE IM ALWAYS APOLOGIZING IN THE TAGS my fault #ill do better mb yall i just graduated this month and ive been just chilling doing fuck all bc ive been artblocked AYE EFF #big thank u to jamie for talking me thru this piece even tho its sooo simple #just having someone to talk to about how i feel abt my art was very helpful bc i was definitely stuck on how to start drawing again #what graduating with a bs in comp sci does to a mf i guess #anyways hope yall like this one LOVE U ALL MWAH

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bluepallilworld · 11 months

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HEY I MADE A BAD GUYS MUG THAT DOES NOT GIVE AWAY YOU'RE AN UTMV FAN :D

If you want it, I know have a society6 account :3

https://society6.com/product/dark8445873_mug?sku=s6-27459703p30a27v199

@shinechermont hehe it is the project I was talking about (thanks for the inspiration for what objects to use)

#hehehehehhehe #I spent so long on it #what do you think?#if you have ideas about what I could sell on there tell me!#I think I may try to do designs for socks or something next #it's sooooo fun #no pressure to buy it tho uwu #utmv #bad sanses #I have it in sticker form too #put some old drawings on the shop to test stuff so they aren't much proper things yet #and given my laptop is not working any new stuff will have to wait a bit #if someone buys it I think I'm gonna faint actually #I'm just happy to have finished that #I really hope the print won't destroy the drawing :/

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ennieasys · 2 months

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im doing the notes thing

I doubt it'll work but I have also witnessed the power of Tumblr so...

100 notes: I'll paint my nails the trans flag colors

200: I'll buy a nonbinary pride moth bracelet (skyebluez.com)

250: I'll also buy a classic pride bracelet (I know it's not a lot but it's kinda all I can afford)

500: I'll find a way to go out in public wearing all three

900: I'll talk to a friend that I suspect is a system about our DID

1000: I've been wanting to stream on twitch but am insanely anxious about it so if we hit this I'll do it at least once

1500: I'll have y'all recommend stuff and I'll make a poll

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emipon · 9 months

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I am AnaKenough

#star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #revenge of the sith #fanart #i mean . Ish #What do I call these kind of posts #Art shitposts??#Lol #I need a tag for whatever this is lmao #Posting at a time no one will see …#Idk I just hope someone other than me gets a kick of it

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hyunpic · 3 months

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNJIN 🖤

#hyunjin #skz #bystay #staydaily #gifs #stray kids #love u with every fiber found within me. no one has ever impacted my life quite like you #i will be thinking about you even at the ends of the world #I WILL NEVER LET U GOOO O OO OO. OOOOOH my everything forever and ever like we are 4lyfers for real #if he asked i would hand pick stars from the sky for him just like flowers #😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞❤️❤️#idk why im getting so emotional rn like woah hh h woahhh woahhh #ive never been more proud and excited to be a fan of someone #the passion love and care u put in to everything u do is unmatched and #im looking forward to future knowing how u want to improve at things u love #even though to me u are perfect rn as u are #but the thought of u wanting to show us even greater things in the future makes me vibrate #thank u for being u and bringing light and love to my life every day 🥹#i hope the whole universe brings u all the love back u give to it #YIPPIEEEWW MIGHT OF SHED A TEAR #HAPPY BDAY MY LOVIEEEEEEEEE ILYYYYYYY

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aerknight · 8 months

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@naffeclipse orcas beach themselves to hunt seals orca!eclipse beaches themself to hunt y/n :)

#falls over #sometimes art inspo grabs you like this eclipse and you start something and do not stop until it is done #that was me with this LOL #i have joined the orca eclipse hype train #yeah uh if someone looks at you like this dont stick around #anyway #i saw some people mentioning on the fic comments they think yn is gonna be turned mer #i hope this does not happen because I CRAVE THE ANGST #cancel the happy endings >:)#also i know the orca thing could just be a design choice #but i like to think its because either #a: mimicking to scare off other predators like sharks #b: mimicking to hunt orcas #imagine being an orca and this thing that kinda looks like an orca at a distance and then when you get closer its all WRONG #apparently this is called aggressive mimicry #mer!eclipse #fnaf au #orca!eclipse #apex polarity #fnaf daycare attendant #my art

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turtleblogatlast · 4 months

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[ cw: trauma / mind control / separation anxiety / autophobia / ]

Something that kills me is that there’s no way in hell that Raph’s debilitating separation anxiety isn’t infinitely worse after the movie. The trauma of being Krangified like that, all alone, would probably regress him so hard.

Not to mention his worries of getting “weird” would likely get mixed up with his experience while Krangified - aka, he loses full awareness, and when he’s brought “back” it’s to the understanding that he attacked his own family (of course not to his own fault at all, but how much of that does he believe?)

The fear of being alone would take on another layer and become a fear of himself.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #rise raph #trauma /#mind control /#separation anxiety /#autophobia /#codependency mention in tags /#after the invasion he checks up on the others multiple times and guiltily hopes one of them asks to stay with him for the night #he’s the big brother so it feels - wrong. to ask them to stay with him.#but his plushies don’t have heartbeats. and neither did the krang #and guiltily - guiltily - Raph is relieved when someones doing bad enough to stay with him each night #he doesn’t know it but the others see he needs it so they offer #man idk I just want Raph to be safe and happy #me having Raph feels at 3 am #I raise you: codependent Raph and Leo post invasion #they both dealt with losing the other #going from fighting and high tensions pre invasion to being scared to leave each others’ side post invasion #god wait this concept is so sad wait #but it works #may address this in a later post/fic ngl

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months

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i wanna know more about svsss menopause

They synced their periods together too well. Now they are synced through their perimenopause years.

#Poorly drawn svsss #svsss #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #shang qinghua #mobei jun #ask #I truly think that the peak of the SVSSS (peri)menopause era is just them commiserating over the experience of it.#Not pictured here is Liu Qingge barely suppressing his hormonal rage. He would have it *bad*.#I think Liu Mingyan is the only person who does not have a bad time with menopause because she takes estrogen supplements.#Which sounds like a trans headcanon but I think regardless of cis/trans status she's researched this and is prepared.#I have developed a sense for what menopause is purely by exposure to the various complaints I have overheard/been told.#These are all very specific and yet very common stories.#I do not know what the overlap is for SVSSS fans and people (not just women) going through menopause. I hope this is funny to SOMEONE.#It's an untapped market of potential! Too many young'uns in these woods.#Synced periods this. Ovulating that. Where's the menopausal homicidal rage?#Come on! Ripping off your clothing in a sudden burst of heat is *SO* SVSSS core!!! Make perimenopause sexy!!!#Anyways. Please put your menopause headcanons in the comments/tags <3 I'd love to hear them.#Thank you joblessmonday for following up with an ask and giving me an excuse to release this train of thought.

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p4nishers · 9 months

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there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new)#yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO.#ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

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rosicheeks · 27 days

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Teacher’s pet 😌

#uhm hi excuse me professor??? do you have a minute?#yeah hi I’m so sorry to bother you *closes door behind me*#I was just hoping to talk to you about my grades…. as you know they’ve been dropping a little bit #you are such a great teacher….. I’ve just been getting a little distracted during class 👀🫣#I promise I’m a hard worker and I’m super duper serious about doing whatever I can to get an A #I’m willing to do ✨anything✨ you can think of 👀#I want to wear this for someone and do a student/teacher rp 🫣🫣🫣🫣#me #mine #rosicheeks #curvy #thicc #babe #send me love pls

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luuxxart · 7 months

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evil win! the ones plotting for your mysterious death are uncle and nephew!

#persona 5 #persona 4 #goro akechi #tohru adachi #uncle Adachi au #this came from the idea of apophenia #which means connecting dots that aren’t there #every time I see these two in fanart I go ‘wow . Adachi is so uncle coded here. akechi is totally his nephew. everyone is thinkign this’#false. my au has not reached enough eyes #so I just idk wanted to draw them next to each other to inspire further apophenia in both me and perhaps my followers lol #i was inspired by someone who like. literally just drew them beside each other and I was like. yeah i could do that #NO I COULDNT. NOT EASILY #my brain was like ‘you should do a comic abt how Adachi can’t help but see his sister in akechi bc they look almost exactly the same’#and there was a lot more angst in the arsenal as well #took me forever to just. draw this. like literally I thought I was gonna go insane #i cant. not. draw. a comic. or something with the vaguest of stories it is SO HARD idk why #so this was definitely a struggle. hope y all like it

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minalots · 1 year

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🐺🐺🐺🐈‍⬛

First drawing is just me seeing how I would draw all the WWs (excuse the fact I used trimax ww’s assigned pen for the rest of them) (tbh I think it helps seeing the differences but next time I’ll draw em with their assigned brushes)

Second drawing is a redraw from WW’s expression sheet

#trigun #trigun stampede #trigun maximum #trigun badlands rumble #badlands rumble #tristamp #trimax #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #da gallery #yeah i purposefully put the cat emoji there. currently tristamp ww radiates a lot of black cat energy he’s not quite to wolf status #he’s like their youngest brother who will bite all of them and tell em to eat shit but then an hour later comes back w/ some candy as a #form of apology bc he’s absolutely horrible at actually saying sorry to someone but cares enough to at least do something to prove it #actually that’s kinda all of the wolfwoods if I think about it. but tristamp just has it the worst i can just tell LMAO #anyways enough of me rambling I hope u guys notice the small differences between all of them I tried to differentiate them

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