#i just asked that i don't get hurt for the trouble of posting which i feel should be fair
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Neuvillette - confession.
This was supposed to be a simple and cute confession scene following my previous neuvie fic. It's fluff and angst now.
You don't need to read the previous neuvie fic to get this one but there are references and more understanding of the reader and neuvies current relationship.
^--- here is the link. (I hope it works)
But yea like I said- angst and fluff. Heavy on the readers personal issues and Neuvillette's status. I won't spoil any more.
Anyway hope you enjoy. Love you 💙
You'd gotten a letter on your most recent trip to liyue through Chenyu Vale. An urgent invitation to speak with Monsieur Neuvillette. You looked over the letter again wondering what urgent matter he could possibly want to speak to you about.
You didn't usually leave Fontaine but you were in debt to a certain tea loving living wall of muscle, and had decided to take some commissions to make the most of the trip. He had liked the tea Clorande and Neuvillette had gifted him a while back. When you returned to Fontaine to gift the tea Wriothsley, ever the observant one, had noted the letter, paused for a few seconds, smirked and said, "you have nothing to worry about." Then shooed you on your way. Which was odd since he always asked to have tea for longer whenever you visited.
You make it back to the surface after delivering tea to wriothsley and immediately to the Palais Mermonia. Neuvillette had become a good friend of yours over the past few months following the end of the Prophecy. The evening in his office, comforting him when he finally broke under the pressure after Furina left made you fast friends, creating a stronger bond than you'd ever expected to have with the Iudex.
You begin to feel nervous as you approach the Palais Mermonia, feeling a sense of excitement and dread. You had began to grow affectionate towards the Iudex, one of the reasons you'd taken extra commissions in Liyue was to get out of Fontaine to, 'set your head straight', as you'd put it. No way you could have a crush, of all things, on Neuvillette.
He was the Iudex and you, a humble adventurer. And is he even interested in romance? Never had a discussion on the subject came up between you, and he was always so busy. You sigh and shake your head, getting ahead of yourself and assuming things would only make things worse. You decide to just keep your emotions bottled where they could never hurt you or, more importantly, him. Because that had always worked for you, yes, definitely.
Your steps slowed as you walked into the Palais, feeling nerves get the better of you. One moment from turning back and getting to more intense bottling, Sedene skipped over to you halting your near escape.
"Hello, Monsieur Neuvillette has been expecting you. Please this way." Sedene began leading you to Monsieur Neuvillette's office, your shoulders involuntarily slumped in defeat, your plans of running away thwarted.
"How was your trip to liyue, friend? I've never been but I hear the weather is lovely this time of year."
"Ah it was a good trip, the weather is lovely and the commission is I took on where fairly simple, Chenyu Vale is quite peaceful. They also had lovely sweet tea cakes, I would have brought you some but I had no space in my pack."
"Ah its no trouble at all, but please do bring some next time. I do love trying new cake. Anyway here we are Monsieur Neuvillettes office. See you later, friend."
Sedine gives the melusine signature wave and shoos you into Neuvillettes office. Your heart beats oddly quickly and you tell it to stop.
You walk slowly into Neuvillette's office hoping he doesn't look up from his paperwork. Unfortunately for you as soon as the door closes behind you he perks his head up and smiles at you. You feel your heart shudder gleefully at the sight, and once again, you tell it to stop.
"Hello, its good to see you. I trust you got my letter?" Neuvillette stands and walks to one of the sofas by his desk. "Come, sit. I'm thankfully done with work today so we can chat about your trip for a while. I ordered some lovely ice water from the clearest lake in Snezhnaya for us to partake in." He sits, and you knew you were too far gone when you noticed your eyes trailing after the way he crossed his leg over the other, then the way his hand patted the space next to him.
You swallow the thick saliva that had gathered in your mouth and hurry to sit next to him so you didn't appear as out of sorts as you were. If he noticed he didn't show it and you were grateful for that.
"You haven't spoken much yet. Are you feeling okay? I know I said this meeting was urgent but if you need to rest, by all means, it can wait."
Your mind was swirling so much you didn't even notice you hadn't said anything yet. You clear your throat in an attempt to focus.
"Ah well, I am tired but I can stay and chat for a while. Thank you for thinking of me, but I'll be okay."
"Hmm" He didn't seem convinced. "Well if you say so. But if you do, at any point, feel too tired to continue do let me know. I wouldn't want to push my dear friend just because I'm happy to see them again." Neuvillette's voice was soft but firm at once almost feeling like a command rather than a suggestion.
Relief and hurt prick your heart at the word friend. You tell you heart to stop being annoying and confusing. "Thank you Neuvillette but I'm sure I'll be fine. I do want to catch up with you as well its been a while since we last spoke. Did I tell you I went to Chenyu Vale for a few commissions outside of Fontaine for the first time?"
"I believe you did mention it shortly before you left. Did I tell you that I visited around the time of lantern rite a few months ago? The weather there was lovely that time of year, cool but not cold and that water, crystal clear. Such beautiful scenery. Was it to your liking as well?"
"It was, it is beautiful there. The grass feels so different to run through there. And the people are so much more relaxed than they are here. Even though I was doing commissions it felt like a holiday in some ways." You started to feel relieved that this was the direction the conversation was going in, like normal and normal was good.
"That's wonderful, I'm glad you had a wonderful time and I hope, even if you were doing commissions, and favors for our dear friend Wriothsley He did tell me about the bet you lost-" Neuvillette chuckled and the sound rattled the frayed nerves of your heart. "I hope you got to have some rest. I did notice the um- uptick in the amount of commissions you've been taking-" Oh no. Was the only thought in your mind after that statement followed by an internal sigh of relief at his hext words as incorrect as his assumption is.
"If you are in need of funds I am happy to assist as your friend."
"No no, its not funds. I just wanted a little time away from Fontaine you know? It'd been a while so I thought I'd excuse my trip with some work, you know how it is."
There was still a slight frown on his face at your words. "I do understand, but wasn't it you who said if we need a break we should take a break from work as well? Please, I know this is something we both need to work on but you shouldn't work of a break is needed." It's was such a soft, friendly, scolding as expected from Neuvillette. It made you smile.
"I know, I know I just had some things on my mind that's all, I needed a distraction and even my holidays have never been 'relaxing' by other people's standards, I don't like just sitting around."
"Even so, rest is important, as you yourself said to me."
"Don't worry Neuvillette, I took care of myself and did less commissions than I usually would have done."
"And another thing-" He took a breath and turned more in your direction giving you a goblet of water. "-you said something was on your mind. Is it anything I can help with, unless you've sorted it." He tilted his head a little with a very mild look of concern. He was becoming more expressive over time as small as it seemed the process was it was visible to see.
Your feel your face heat and your heart beat quicker, your body responding to the sorce of the issue without your permission. "Ah- no, no I'm alright. I mean the issue isn't quite sorted but I'll be fine now." You nod in what you hope is a convincing manner. However, Neuvillette raises a disbelieving eyebrow.
"I don't want to push but for some reason I don't believe you" Curse him for getting good a sarcasm.
"It- well its not really anything you can do for me- or anyone for that matter I just have to sort it for myself." You look down and away from him nervously. The conversation getting too close to your self-proclaimed 'forbidden topic'
"Can you not at least confide in me?" His voice carried a small amount of hurt in it and you recalled the night he spilled his heart to you, a relative stranger at the time. Only having met a handful of times with no deeper conversations before then. Of course it was still vague and there are things about that night that still confuse you but he did open up. And now your friends and won't do the same, you can see why he'd be upset. Not enough for it to rain... yet.
"I-" You sigh not really knowing what to do from here. Do you confess and potentially ruin an amazing friendship? Or lie and possibly do the same. "It's hard Neuvillette. I'm not used to the situation I'm in."
He nods, understanding that at least. "But you understood my situation so I'm willing to understand yours."
Ah of course, he's far too kind. Its hard to not feel touched at his care. Even if that's not quite what you wanted right now.
"... Neuvillette.." another look at his face made you pause, your heart pounded and the longing in your chest almost caused it to hurt, especially at the look in his eyes. Concern and something else you hadn't seen before and before you could stop yourself the words flowed from your heart like a stream.
"I love you, that's what the problem is."
You look down, your heart pounding and eyes closed not being able to face Neuvillette after the confession but not being able to leave either.
If you'd looked at him you would have seen his shocked face, flushed cheeks and ears, wide eyes and open mouth. No other time had he made as strong of an expression. And to his ignorance the clouds had brightened but rain trickled from them in a growning amount.
Time passes in agonising silence with neither moving. The sound of the rain echoing in your ears and making you doubt your very existence. As far as you were aware rain meant negative emotions and the steadily worsening storm made you think the worst.
Tears of your own streamed down your cheeks as you couldn't take the silence. You abruptly stand from the seat ready to leave and hide away for a while. "I'm sorry." You croak just before a large hand holds your wrist.
"Don't" you freeze at his voice. It was commanding and almost desperate. "Don't go.. I just needed to process what you said."
"It's raining.." You respond
"What about the rain? What does that tell you?" Mild confusion in his voice made you confused. You still couldn't face him with your response.
"You're upset aren't you. I've upset you because you aren't interested and you don't want to hurt me so-"
"No, good heavens no I'm not upset. The rain is just.. strong emotions not negative ones."
"What then, if you aren't upset?"
"I'm.. happy- I think"
You turn to his eyes wet with unshead tears. "You think?" You say back confused.
"I think-" He repeats looking deep in thought and concern for you. "It's hard to fully understand since happy doesn't cover it all. I feel deeply affectionate towards you in a way I haven't experienced and I certainly didn't expect to feel for a human. The uncertainty comes from that knowledge to- you are human with a human lifespan. As you know I am a dragon sovereign, with an much longer life span. Would you really be okay being with someone like me?"
Your shoulders shake at the reminder. More reasons why you shouldnt be together. "I should be asking you that. Would you really be okay with the knowledge that I'll grow old and die in your arms."
You feel the air grow heavy and hear the rain battering the windows and immediately feel guilty. The air is tense as the pause grows until it almost becomes unbearable.
"I will bear that pain if I can experience the joy of having you at my side." Neuvillette's voice cuts through your thoughts and renders you speechless.
"Please, there is nothing I won't do to make your life happy and comfortable."
"T-hat's .. I'm.. I'm not worried about that I know you would but.. do you really care so much you'd be willing to endure losing me?"
"I do." His voice rang imple and clean. It felt like your soul shook at his words. The words of someone accepting wedding vows at a confession.
He stepped closer, still mindful of keeping to boundaries.
"I love you" another simple sentence filled with more emotion than you'd ever heard him muster before and you couldn't help but respond in kind, feeling as though you might break your own heart if you spoke with any dishonesty.
"I love you to Neuvillette."
A true, wide smile breaks on his face and your heart pounds at the sight.
"I don't know if this is moving too fast-" He begins, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "But may I-" I sighs and the rain pounds harder for a moment.
You patiently wait for him to gather his wits.
"May I kiss you?" He finally asks softly, bringing his face close to yours.
"You may Neuvillette." You whisper, wanting nothing more in that moment.
As his lips meet yours tenderly your thoughts are no longer on your relationships tragic end but the beautiful beginning.
#genshin x reader#genshin impact x reader#neuvillette x reader#fluff and angst#i love this man but being in a relationship with an immortal being would set og my existential dread so bad.
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˖⁺｡˚⋆˙just say yes | CS55˖⁺｡˚⋆˙
pairing: father!carlos sainz x y/n faceless reader (she/her)
genre: social media au, established relationship
warnings: so much fluff 0 angst just lovey dovey cuteness & fun ! idek if there's much of a plot tbh lol
summary: in which you, your boyfriend and your daughter are the target of everyone's jealousy & you bask in it 😊
a/n: hiii i luv this request so cute & i havent done any carlos fics yet!! i love it he's soo beautiful fr! i've done the baby faceless tbh i felt a bit weird looking for pics hahahah anyway hope u like it 😊😊
request!!!: Can you do like a smau where carlos has a daughter and it's just fluffy as HELL !! And ofc we need lando and charles being goofy in the comments!
my masterlist
instagram ->
carlossainz55
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, and 682,674
carlossainz55 vacationing with my girls
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yourusername im soo lucky
carlossainz55 that's me actually. i love you
yourusername i love u!! sm more
landonorris you guys are always rubbing your perfect lives into our faces it has to stop
charles_leclerc i agree it is too much now
yourusername maybe if either of you could keep a girlfriend you could be like us
landonorris cant commit
carlossainz lando you need to grow up
charles_leclerc leave him alone he's a baby
yourusername i prefer the term pussy 🤷♀️
landonorris y/n i thought we were friends
yourusername we are it's called tough love
carlossainz55 sorry lando but she's right
user1 i missed carlando interactions
user2 me too so happy to see the carlando domestics continuing through instagram comments
user3 even funnier with y/n involved she's literally just an extension of carlos i love it
user4 best couple in the world
user5 only couple in the world more like
yourusername
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yourusername he wont even put the ferrari merch down in the off season
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yourbff omg baby in ur sunglasses she's fr a mini u 😭😭
yourusername i know, i've never felt love like it 🥹
carlossainz55 me when i look at you
yourbff take your sickly sweetness out of my replies 🥲
user6 i love how all their friends are jealous of them too😭😭 it's not just us
charles_leclerc he's dedicated 😊
carlossainz55 thanks for being on my side charles 🙏
yourusername ur biased
yourusername gosh why are f1 drivers so annoying
landonorris i know you're not talking about me
danielricciardo or me
maxverstappen1 or me
yourusername well i actually wasnt but now i am
oscarpiastri me?
yourusername no never you oscar my fav rookie
yourbff
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yourbff babysitting duties
tagged: yourusername, carlossainz55
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carlossainz55 am i in trouble in that pic of us
yourbff she was explaining to u that u brought the wrong pickles home for her
carlossainz55 so yes then
landonorris wtf is the wrong pickles a pickle is a pickle
yourusername shutup little lando you dont understand me
charles_leclerc well duh ur a woman his pea brain cannot comprehend women
yourusername ur one to talk!
landonorris 🤐🤐🤐
yourusername ur her favourite aunt!!
yourbff @.yoursister told you so!
yoursister wow that hurt y/n
yourusername no wait
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername
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yourusername happy first race of the season i love my boys so much
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scuderiaferrari ❤️❤️
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55
user11 omg i love her
user12 this is the cutest post ever
charles_leclerc omg y/n being nice to me
yourusername it's the hormones and ur cute face getting to me ur soo pookie
charles_leclerc what is pookie
oscarpiastri dont ask
yourusername it means i love u 😊
carlossainz55 we are all so lucky to be subjects of y/n's affections so don't question it ok?
user13 omg carlos is so down bad lol it's adorable
landonorris come visit us too we miss you y/n
yourusername well i might. can i squish ur cheeks?
landonorris i'll think about it
yourusername im not coming till i have a yes for sure
yourusername posted a story
liked by yourbff, scuderiaferrari, and 121,847 others
user14 CHILDREN?? PLURAL??
user15 yes y/n we get it ur the luckiest girl alive
yourbff purrrrr
yourusername LOL??
landonorris share him? 🥹🥹🥹
yourusername not a day in my life
yourusername now let me come squish ur cheeks. charles let me do it
landonorris ok fine.
yourusername YAYYY
user16 most gorgeous man alive fr
yourusername posted a story
liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo, and 98,183 others
carlossainz55 come back here
carlossainz55 please come back we miss you
charles_leclerc not you sneaking off. is carlos annoying you too??
yourusername you are too mean to that boy!!!!
mclaren you can stay with us!
yourusername poachers!! im much too loyal
user17 omg lol im obsessed
user18 SOO CUTE
f1wags
liked by carlossainz55, user6, and 73,294 others
f1wags carlos after the race with his longterm girlfriend y/n y/l/n today 🥹
tagged: carlossainz55, yourusername
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user19 she needs a ring asap
user20 r how long have they been together now??
user21 like 8 years lol
user22 carlos liked 🥹🥹
user23 they r so personal to me
user24 do u think they know how much everyone loves them & is jealous of them
user25 absolutely & they love it lol
user26 if they ever break up im done with love
user27 idk who's luckier her or him
user28 they're the definition of soulmates
user29 the world will stop on their wedding day fr
carlossainz55
liked by yourusername, yoursister, and 728,193 others
carlossainz55 my perfect family
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user30 stop it 😭😭😭
yourusername how did we create somebody so gorgeous😭
landonorris not you asking this as if you both aren't the most conventionally gorgeous people to ever exist
yourusername HAHAH shutup lando you are always slithering around to ruin our sincere moments
landonorris SLITHERING?!
user31 omg slithering 😭😭😭??
user32 lol at lando's comments he's like us
charles_leclerc let me babysit soon
yourbff why you coming for my job
carlossainz55 dont fight over my child
yoursister miss you guys!!
carlossainz55 we will have to come visit soon
yourusername ❤️❤️❤️
user33 put a ring on it carlos
liked by yourusername
twitter ->
instagram ->
yourusername
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yourusername night off from baby
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yourbff everyone in the world is in love with you
carlossainz55 right well they need to back off
yourusername tehehe
user37 wow she's unreal
user38 wifeee
carlossainz55 you are so beautiful
yourusername 🥹🥹🥹 i love u
carlossainz55 i love you
landonorris Y/N?? YOU DIDNT INVITE ME??
yourusername ...girls night
landonorris BUT YOU ALWAYS SAY IM ONE OF THE GIRLS
charles_leclerc i wasn't invited either mate
yourusername im so sorry. you guys are grown men though
landonorris no im one of the girls
user39 one of the girls 💀
user40 i love lando & y/n's friendship so bad
carlossainz55
liked by yoursister, yourusername, and 733,984 others
carlossainz55 our week off so far
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user41 i want her
user42 join the club
charles_leclerc is y/n available for brunch tomorrow
carlossainz55 yes
yourusername i am?
charles_leclerc that is fantastic y/n we will pick you up at 11am
yourusername we?
charles_leclerc yes!! see you then
yourusername ?? WHAT
yourbff aww i love my y/n
carlossainz55 yours?
yourbff yes she is mine! tyvm carlos
yourusername hahahahaha
yourusername i love u both
messages ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted stories
liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo, and 334,756 others
yourbff pretty pretty girl
yourusername yup
carlossainz55 i told you you'd enjoy yourself 😊
yourusername yup
user43 omg the brunch with charles?
user44 so effortlessly cool
user45 looks delicious tbh. you not the food
messages ->
instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
liked by carlossainz55, yourbff, and 123,284 others
user46 brunch & then the beach??
user47 hmmmm
user48 wuu2
user49 charles forcing her to brunch & then this???
carlossainz55 posted a story
liked by yoursister, landonorris, and 892,293 others
yourbff 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
user50 MY PARENTS
yoursister AHHH!!!!!
landonorris heeheehee
charles_leclerc ur welcome mate
user51 OMG FINALLY
user52 OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
user53 OMG IT'S REAL!!!!
yourusername
liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, and 792,673 others
yourusername luckiest girl alive
tagged: carlossainz55
landonorris congratulations parents
yourusername aww love u our little lando
charles_leclerc congratulations beauties
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55
yourbff my gorgeous girl with her beautiful daughter and some guy
yoursister the most beautiful amazing woman you've ever seen and then.....carlos
yourusername mean girls!!
carlossainz55 no they're right perhaps?
user54 LOL barbie & ken vibes
danielricciardo CONGRATULATIONSSSS 🥳
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55
lewishamilton congratulations ❤️
liked by yourusername, carlossainz55
user55 😭 so happy for them
user56 im obsessed with them.
user57 best couple on the grid period
user58 the most beautiful family ever. SO JEALOUS!!!
THE END ❤️
#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 smau#f1 x reader#smau#carlos sainz#cs55#cs55 x reader#cs55 imagine#ferrari#cs55 fluff#maddie's smau
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All Mine
Genre: fluff
Characters: dorm leaders (Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, and Malleus) x gn!reader
Scenario: what makes your boyfriend jealous and what he does about it <3
Notes: none!
Riddle Rosehearts ; when you're having fun with someone else.
Even as your boyfriend, Riddle can’t do things with you that would go against the dorm rules or hurt his image—which you totally understand. But when he sees you laughing with someone else, doing things he can't partake in... it makes him really jealous.
Eventually, once it gets to him, he really won't want you hanging out with those people anymore.
He knows they probably aren’t being bad influences, but he will act like they are. He'll give them unimpressed stares when you're not looking, and if they're in his dorm he’ll use his unique magic against them to keep them away from you.
When you two are in private, he'll try let loose more. It’ll feel unnatural for him, but he wants to have fun with you, too. He’s afraid you’ll get bored of him.
If you play along for his sake and try to bring him out of his shell, he'll appreciate it. He might even be honest about his feelings once he’s comfortable telling you the truth.
But if you tell him that he doesn’t need to change for you, he'll get really shy. He'll deny feeling jealous, but reassurance of your love would mean a lot to him in the moment.
Ultimately, he just wants to be the one making you smile the most.
“As long as you’re sure you’re happy… Yes, I love you too.”
Leona Kingscholar ; when he sees others trying to take care of you.
Leona is a gentleman. Maybe everyone else has trouble believing so, but he's incredibly attentive once you're together. He escorts you places, buys you things you need, and comforts you when need be.
But if he happens to see someone else trying to do any of that for you, he will not be happy. He sees it as disrespectful, like they're trying to tell him he isn't doing a good enough job. To make it worse, you’re too kind to refuse these gestures from others, which sets his jealousy off.
With his temper, you will know immediately. Leona doesn't like to play games. He will tell you what’s bothering him and ask why you’re entertaining that behavior when he's right there. If you can’t give him an answer, he’ll stick himself to you like glue and won’t let anyone else near you for the day.
Assigns Ruggie to the very important task of keeping tabs on you afterward. Gives him specific instructions to monitor your conversations; if you’re talking to anyone for too long or if they try to do something for you, Ruggie is to interrupt and say you’ve been summoned by Leona.
Mandatory cuddles and telling him you love him is your punishment. He hates feeling jealous.
"You know what you signed up for with me. Now, come here. You’re mine."
Azul Ashengrotto ; when he becomes aware of the options you have.
Seeing how popular you are among the student body makes Azul particularly jealous.
You’re friends with so many others within the walls of Night Raven College; dozens of boys with promising futures make up your circle, including several princes, and all are just one call away from coming to your aid should you ask. So it’s a bit hard for him to not feel jealous when they don't seem to back off even after you announce your relationship.
He’ll wait it out at first, but if they don’t leave you alone he’ll be really ticked off. However, Azul is aware that he isn’t particularly intimidating and can’t fight.
So what does he do? He shows you off instead, to prove to them that you're his.
If he wasn't using Magicam before, now he's posting you every day. He's posting pictures of you with new jewelry he's bought you and images of you cuddled up to him at night, even linking sweet love songs to them.
When he checks his views and finds the individuals that triggered his jealousy, his satisfaction in through the roof. Don’t question his smirk.
If, for some reason, flaunting you on social media isn’t enough, then Azul might have Floyd give your friends a scare. Nothing serious, just enough to make them delete your number and change their routes to class to avoid you. You wont even notice since Azul is now escorting you to class on his arm.
"Do you not want me to show you off? I don't see a problem with reminding everyone who you chose."
Kalim Al-Asim ; when you might be taken away.
Kalim trusts you so much, so he just doesn’t get jealous. Your relationship is so healthy and communication between you is great.
The only time he'd maybe feel jealousy would be if someone planted the idea in his head. Like if Jamil makes a joke about you and someone you're with looking quite close, Kalim might start questioning the situation.
However, he'd be more concerned for your safety than jealous. He'd approach you and drag you away in a rush with an innocent excuse to the other individual. After all, if they're trying to charm you while knowing you’re in a relationship, they have to be bad news.
He'd talk to you about it immediately, though, before any of his thoughts spiral and before you can think he’s overreacting.
Would go heavier on the PDA to remind you he trusts and cares for you. To some extent, he might be thinking he can gross that person out this way so they’ll get the hint and give it up.
Kalim is just too sweet of a guy to feel jealous honestly. There’s not much else to say. He’ll make you feel so safe.
"Just wanted to make sure you were okay! I think we should steer clear of them for now, yeah?"
Vil Schoenheit ; when you don't see what he sees.
Vil gets annoyed easily, definitely. But it would either take something truly concerning or the involvement of someone he deems a threat to make him feel jealousy.
He often acts like he knows what's best for you, so he tells you to stay away from certain classmates. Especially the ones that he sees being a bit too kind to you.
If you dismiss Vil’s concerns and the individuals get bolder with you to spite him, he’ll be pissed. Honestly, if he didn’t have contractual obligations and a reputation to maintain, he might resort to threats.
If it goes on for long enough, he’ll start feeling jealous.
The result is a super petty Vil.
If you want to spend time with him, he'll redirect you to one of those friends. He'll ask you why you want his attention now, when you clearly preferred theirs yesterday.
Though it’s hard for him to turn you away when all he wants is to hug and kiss you, his mind turns it into a silly game to find out if you love him most of all. This keeps him in a cycle of pettiness and insecurity.
Still, he doesn't want to neglect you. He wants you to see his perspective, so once he’s had enough of going without you, he’ll explain why he feels his worries are justified.
Once you exchange apologies, he’ll return all the love he withheld.
"Now do you understand? I'm only trying to protect you from ill intentions."
Idia Shroud ; when he can't be the one that's with you.
Get jealous very often, but keeps it to himself.
Idia knows you have to hang out with others a lot because of his boundaries. He doesn’t always feel comfortable enough to go out, so you ask your other friends for company to avoid pressuring him.
Still, it doesn’t make him feel great that there is always someone jumping at the chance to be with you.
When he gets notifs that you posted to Magicam only to see you looking happy with someone else, his jealousy escalates quickly.
Unfortunately, Idia isn't very good at communication especially when it comes to his feelings. So he will give you space instead, and let you enjoy yourself to prevent ruining your day with his doubts.
He will continue lurking your profiles for the next few days, but he won't like anything or reply to your messages. He'll self-isolate until you come to him, whether it be hours or days later.
When you do come see him in person to ask what’s wrong, you'll be stuck with him a while. He won’t admit to feeling jealous, but it’ll be clear from his questions that he wants to be sure you still want to be with him.
Lots of quality time will fix his mood. He might prefer the quiet of his room to the noisy outside world, but he makes it very clear that you’re always welcome to disturb him. He’d much prefer that to seeing you with other people.
"We can go somewhere together soon, so don't ask anyone else anymore! B-but for now, could you spend the night?"
Malleus Draconia ; when you give away your time with him.
Malleus loves to have alone time with you. He's very grateful that you always reserve time in your day just for him.
But on the occasion that someone seeks to interrupt this time, and you don't turn them away or happen to cancel on Mal entirely for them, that’s when he’d get jealous.
He'd dismiss himself from the situation to let you take care of your business, but he would actually just be hiding nearby and listening.
If the person seems to be taking up your time for reasons that Malleus himself finds unworthy, he won't hesitate to use a bit of magic to make that person suddenly leave you alone, as if possessed.
He’ll return to you pouty and distracted. He’ll initiate lots of physical touch, and might even suggest going to his dorm room while he milks all your affection.
He doesn’t hide feelings of jealousy because he’s learned your instinct is to coddle him when he makes it obvious. Your giggles and half-hearted apologies in response to his melodramatic words of worry make him fall deeper in love.
When he’s jealous, Malleus doesn’t care for words of reassurance as much as he does actions. He is quite secure in your relationship, but he will never get tired of seeing how comfortable you are with him. He loves knowing that you won’t ever run away.
"Now that they're out of the way, I do wish you'd learn to say no. I am quite selfish when it comes to my time with you."
a/n: Okay so I tried to get Riddle's Halloween card but I could NOT get any SSR until freaking pity. Then that last key set gave me both Jack and Ruggie's Dorm Uniform SSRs instead of Riddle 😭 I thought, "Wow, Leona really sent his underclassmen after me?" And that gave me the idea for jealousy hcs…
Hope u all enjoy, holiday prompts will probably be coming soon! kisses <3
#twst wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst#twst fluff#twst headcanons#twst x reader#twst imagines#riddle x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#azul x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#kalim x reader#kalim al asim x reader#vil x reader#vil shoenheit x reader#idia x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia x reader
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Helloooo, I’m not sure if you still do requests on One Piece characters or anything- but if you do I have a scenario in mind. I was wondering if you could do one specifically with Traflagar Law who has a S/O which gets injured and refuses his help. The S/O has a problem with accepting help and has trouble being vulnerable in front of others- only seeing it as weakness. This could also work for the other more colder One Piece characters…cause idk they just have a special place in my heart. (Though if you can’t that’s okay, but I thought I’d ask)
ALSO I read lots of your posts and absolutely love your scenarios and head-cannons, you literally portray all the characters so well and it’s amazing.
This is the cutest ask and thank you omg😭
I hope this is good🫶
And little trigger warning for descriptions of injury and blood at the beginning, I'll put a line so you know where to skip to if you don't want to read that bit.
I totally accidentally posted this so now I'm writing as it's up, forgive me😞 OKAY IT'S IN A FINISHED STATE I MAY ADD MORE AFTER I FORCE MY FRIEND TO READ OVER IT🕺🏻🕺🏻
I don't know if I'm happy with the length either i kinda feel it should be longer.
-
The soft, shlick of a blade through flesh rings in your ears. The adrenaline rushing through your body swallows any pain in an instant, but you can feel the pressure as it drags into your side and you wince anyway.
But you can't stop.
If you stop he's going to get past, he's going to hurt the people you call a family and so you can't stop.
His frame is hulking, freakishly tall and looming over you. The level of brute force he's exerting has your heart stuttering in fear, the staccato rhythm making you feel light headed. Though that could be the blood that's dripping from your side.
You hit his sternum, hard, and feel a crack. He stumbles, dazed, your fist comes up to head height and your aim is killer as it slams into the side of the man's head.
He's out cold.
The sigh of relief that exits your body almost overshadows the sudden pain resonating throughout your torso. Without an oncoming threat, you're able to take the time to lift your shirt and look at the damage. It's mostly mottled bruising but just under your lowest left rib is a long but shallow cut. Not life threatening in any way but still inconvenient.
It hurts to breathe and you're not sure if your rib bones are fully intact either, not with the way he was hitting.
The adrenaline is fading quickly, you needed to get him inside.
He'd crumpled into a very ungraceful pile when you knocked him out and it's difficult to tie him securely. But you do. And then you take a deep breath and haul him up over your shoulders in a botched fireman's lift.
Your captain would want to find out who decided it would be a good idea to send someone after the heart pirates.
Your captain would...
The last thing you think about before you hit the deck face first is him.
-
He's silent as he works.
It's almost unnerving actually, how quiet he can be when he wants to.
"Law-"
The look he shoots you is so intense that you physically shrink back, mouth closing as you drop your gaze to the floor.
He lets out a heavy sigh as he finishes disinfecting the last of his tools before he turns to you.
"What is wrong with you."
He's angry, you can feel it radiating off him, it digs into the soft underbelly of your emotions and you bristle at his words.
"I was just doing my job" Your tone is sharp but he doesn't flinch.
"Your job does not involved getting killed you idiot."
"Well I didn't get killed so it's not that big of a deal"
He looks like he's about to blow a gasket, the vein in his forehead pulsing with the renewed blood flow.
"Not a big deal? Not a big deal?"
You have the distinct feeling that you might've fucked up a little. That still doesn't stop you from digging a deeper hole to be buried in.
"I'm fine just let me deal with my own problems"
His eye actually twitches but you keep talking.
"It's barely a scratch, I don't need help- especially not yours."
The thunderous anger on his face is now accompanied by hurt, but his voice is soft when he says,
"Let me help you"
"I just said I don't need help"
"I don't think that you know what you need"
That stings. To know he doesn't trust your judgement after everything you've been through. There's a pressure at the back of your throat now and it's so uncomfortable, you need to leave.
But as you go to move, Law is much quicker as he grabs you by your upper arm, pulling you into his space.
"Where are you going"
You don't look at him.
He sighs before his other arm comes around your waist and he lifts, walking across the room to set you down onto a table.
"Why don't you understand that I care about you"
The emotion in his voice unsettles you, makes your chest feel tight and you really don't want to deal with this.
He's gentle as he gets to work on your injuries, easily cleaning and stitching up your side before moving to bind your ribs.
"I need you to remove your shirt"
Your hands are shaking, he hasn't really seen the full extent and you're sure he's not going to respond well. It's hard to get the buttons of your shirt undone so when a second pair of hands come up, you don't push them away. But him being closer means you hear the exact moment he realises how bad it is, his inhale is sharp and he says something in a language you don't know.
"Why didn't you call for backup?"
You take a while to respond, trying to squash down any emotion in your voice,
"I didn't need it"
"Did you want it?"
The question makes you squirm with discomfort, your eyes water.
"It doesn't matter because I didn't need it"
He sighs again. That's all you seem to be making him do today.
And then his arms are coming up around you, pulling you closer to the edge of the table and closer to him. One of his hands rests on your back and the other pushes your head into the crook of his shoulder, allowing you a semblance of privacy in such an intimate moment.
"You need to understand that not letting us help you is counterintuitive to being part of a crew"
The statement makes you flinch and you try to push away from him but that fight took a lot of your strength. His grip tightens anyways.
"Do you think I find it easy to be vulnerable?"
"...No"
"Do you think I would want you to die?"
You don't respond this time, chest heaving as you tremble.
"It's not easy to see you like this. You are not a human shield."
"I know" Your voice is quiet and thick with tears but he seems to relax slightly at your agreement.
The hand on your back is moving in gentle shapes, but his grip is still firm, as if he's trying to affirm that you're here and alive.
"I can't have a crew member that doesn't trust anyone"
You tense.
"I can't have a partner that won't be vulnerable with me"
Guilt and dread roll through your stomach. Surely he doesn't mean-
"I can't trust that you won't die because you feel can't rely on others so you're benched until we work through it"
Oh. You actually feel a bit relieved, you thought he was going in a much different direction. You lean back out of his hold so you can look at his face through wet eyes.
His expression is soft but he looks tired and the guilt rears it's head again.
"I'm sorry"
Somehow his expression gets even softer,
"I know"
He kisses you then. It's grounding, brings you back to a semblance of calm and you almost wonder why you were so apprehensive in the first place. He's gentle and warm and you feel slightly self conscious that your lips might be puffy from crying but you don't pull away.
It's reverent, like he worships you.
You think you could learn to let him take care of you.
You think you would let him do anything.
If it feels like this.
#one piece x reader#x reader#trafalgar law x reader#law x reader#Trafalgar law fic#one piece fic#op fic#op x gn reader#one piece x gn reader#Trafalgar law x gn reader#law x gn reader#law x you#trafalgar law x you#one piece x you
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I Protect Those I Love | Tommy Shelby
⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.
Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader
Request: No
Fic Type: Imagine.
Warnings: Mention of readers father being a scumbag, mentions of assault. Protective Tommy. Short and sweet.
Word Count: 917
TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST
Y/N's wiping down the bar of The Garrison when the doors slam open and shut, causing her to jump and reach for the gun she keeps hidden under the bar. It is past closing time, so she isn't expecting anyone. She's about to pull the gun out when she sees the intruder, which is none other than Thomas Shelby.
"Damn you, Tommy. You almost gave me a fucking heart attack," she scolds the Peaky Blinder and her lover. Her attitude toward him changes when she takes in his appearance. A bruise is already forming around the cut on his cheek. Her whole body is filled with worry for the handsome, blue-eyed man. "What happened?"
"A man came looking for you at the betting shop," Tommy informs her. "He said he was your father."
Her body freezes as she feels the blood drain from her face, her skin going a shade or two lighter as she thinks about the man who has caused her nothing but pain. She told Tommy all about him when their relationship became more than just a friendship. She'd hoped he wouldn't be able to find her, assuming that Small Heath would be the last place he'd think to look if he bothered at all.
"Tommy, I..." she hesitates. "I didn't know he would come looking for me."
"I know," he assures her, moving closer to the bar.
On instinct, she grabs a glass, fills it with Tommy's usual order, an Irish whiskey, and slides it in front of him as he takes a seat across from her. She goes to pull her hand back when Tommy takes it in his larger hand, his thumb stroking the back of it. "I promised I wouldn't let him hurt you anymore, and I'll do anything to keep that promise."
"What did you do, Tommy?" She asks, her stomach churning at the thought of the length he'd go to for her protection.
She picks up a clean cloth and an opened bottle of alcohol and moves around from behind the bar. Tommy shifts on the stool he's sitting on, so he's facing her as she dampens the cloth with some alcohol. She stands between his legs, taking his chin between her fingers to tilt his head and hold it steady. He barely flinches as she dabs the cloth against the cut in his cheek, wiping the blood away along with anything that could cause infection.
"Your father got himself into some trouble, and you were the price he had to pay to get out of it." His tone is tense and angry, his eyes filled with rage at her father.
She stops dabbing at his cut as she takes in the furious look on his face. She's never seen Tommy so angry before, and she's never felt so scared about what he's done. She knows her father is a scumbag. It's one of the many things she and Tommy bonded over—their good-for-nothing fathers. But she never thought he would go so low as to use her as a bargaining chip for his debt. It makes her feel sick, especially with where her mind is going.
"Was he going to trade me for his debt?" She asks.
Tommy nods. "Like I said, I won't let anything happen to you. I took care of the men to whom he owed his debts too."
"And my father?" She asks, knowing exactly what he meant by "taking care of those men."
"He's fine," Tommy sighs, picking up his glass of whisky and downing it all at once. "I told him he owes me, and for payment he has to leave you alone and never return to Birmingham."
"I don't know what to say," she says, unsure of what to think of the situation. She despises her father's lifestyle and dirty scheming ways, but he's her father, and she hopes that one day he will change his ways. But a part of her knows that he never will, and there are some things he's done that are unforgivable. She reminds herself of those times, and any sympathy she has for the old drunk vanishes.
"I love you," he admits, cupping her cheek with his less injured hand. It was the first time he spoke those words out loud. He'd been thinking about saying them for weeks, but when he tried, they never came out. "And I protect those that I love."
Her eyes soften as she looks lovingly at the man who's become her home. "You're a good man, Thomas Shelby."
"But I do a lot of bad things," he whispers just loud enough for her to hear him. For the first time since the war, he's felt ashamed of himself. He knows Y/N deserves more than him. She doesn't deserve everything he pulls her into. But he's a selfish and greedy man. He takes what he wants, and he wants her. He needs her.
"Everyone does bad things, Tommy, even the godliest people do." She reminds him. "It doesn't mean you're a bad person, not if you have the right intentions."
Without saying another word, Tommy brings her in close, placing a soft kiss on her lips as her arms make their way around his shoulders.
She breaks the kiss, keeping their faces close. The scents of whiskey, cigarettes, and mint mix together.
"And I love you too," she whispers against his lips, pressing her own against his as she kisses him passionately, showing just how much, she loves him.
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#acewritesfics repost#thomas shelby x reader#tommy shelby#tommy shelby x reader#peaky blinders#thomas shelby#peaky blinders x reader#peaky blinders imagine#tommy shelby fanfic#tommy shelby imagine
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Texting them “I need you right now”
Note: hi everyone! So sorry for not posting in months, life wasn't easy on me. I managed to sort things out (hopefully they will stay organised this time, or else I'm starting a new life in Spain), and I plan to write more. I'm also taking commissions again (the financial situation it's not good, so every commission would help me a lot!). Anyway, I haven't written anything since January, so please be kind with me.
He won't see your text right away because he's a busy man. After he has some free time, he checks his phone and immediately opens the chat with you, ignoring everyone else.
"What is it, sweetheart?"
"I just don't feel okay. Can you come over?"
The text is demanding, and he knows something is wrong with you, so he tries to finish faster whatever he had planned for that day, which he fails because he is constantly thinking about you. So, he dropped everything and came to you.
Wesker is a man of his word, so he arrives on time.
"Have you been crying, my love?" he asked as he saw that your eyes were all red and your face was swollen.
"Yeah...petty reason."
"If it was petty, you wouldn't have called me."
You wasted no time and threw yourself in his arms, sinking into his embrace and burring your face into his chest.
Being busy all the time, you barely see him. Maybe once a month nowadays, and this long wait only contributed to your sadness. You yearned to talk with someone like him because he made you feel safe. You knew he was listening, and you knew he didn't judge. Also, he would comfort you with small kisses and gentle touches and would praise you for being strong.
He moved you to your sofa, made your favourite tea, and listened carefully as you talked about your worries and recent unfortunate events.
During that time, he received a lot of calls and texts, but he turned his phone on silent because his main priority was you.
He hugged you tight, telling you that he'd always be there for you, no matter what. One hand would gently massage your hair, and the other would massage your back. It hurt him so damn much to see you like this and hear you sob in his arms. He wanted to hurt everyone who caused you to end up like this, and he was very vocal about his intentions.
"You can't protect me from the world, Albert. All you can do is be here for me when I need it."
He didn't like your response or agree with your opinion, but for now, he kept you tight to his chest.
He usually stays until you feel better, and then he leaves to do his work. He will be worried all day because you're still on his mind, so he checks on you frequently, promising to take you on a small trip to calm your mind.
The government agent is always busy. He's either stuck in his office completing paperwork, training new recruits, or on a mission on the other side of the globe.
He wasn't away on the field, so when he saw your text, he immediately responded. Even if he was busy doing desk duty or fighting, he would try to respond asap (he will hide in a corner if he had to, if that means he'll get five minutes of peace to text you back because he knows how worried you can get).
"What's wrong, doll?"
"I don't feel well. Can you come over?"
A pretty demanding text means an urgent need, so he left early, abandoning everything he had scheduled for today. That annoyed some of his superiors, but he got away without much trouble.
Leon tried his best to arrive on time. He was being pressured by time and worry; he drove like a maniac to your place on his motorcycle, but he stopped to buy your favorite sweets.
"I bought you something good," he said, smiling in the doorframe and opening the bag to show the inside. However, his smile dropped.
"Have you been crying?" he asked, quickly cupping your face and caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. Your face was flushed and very warm to the touch, and your eyes were swollen and teary.
"Yeah...petty reason."
"You don't cry like that for a petty reason," he said as he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You quickly hugged him and burried your nose at the crook of his neck. He hugged you back tight, a trail of kisses caressing your skin, starting from your neck to your face.
He guided you to the bed, where he listened to you and held you tight. His fingers kept brushing over your face, and his lips would occasionally press tiny, affectionate kisses over your skin. His body was glued to yours, and the warmth from such an intimate embrace made you feel safe. You felt safe not only to express your emotions, but you also felt sheltered from the rest of the world.
"You are not alone," he whispered as his hand caressed your back in a gentle manner. "I told you, no matter how hard it gets, we'll find a way to get through it together."
He usually stays until he makes sure you feel better. After that, he texts you the whole day, asking how you feel because he can't ease his own anxiety. He promised to take you on a vacation.
He noticed your text right away, but he's stuck with his research and can't reply instantly. He will text you back as soon as he can.
"What's wrong, mi bella princesa?"
"I just don't feel okay. Can you come over?"
With much difficulty and a lot of excuses, he manages to leave his laboratory and come to your place.
Upon seeing your red and watery eyes, he quickly came inside and cupped your face.
"Have you been crying?" he asked, worried, his fingers brushing over your warm, red cheeks.
"yeah...petty reasons." You tried your best to smile.
"Querida, you don't cry like that because of petty reasons." He gently kissed your forehead.
He pulled closer to him, and you quickly hugged him, buring your face into his chest. Luis kept kissing you and whispering kind words to help you feel better.
"Just talk to me, ok? There isn't anything in this world that we can't get through."
Despite the firm grip around your body, he managed to caress you with tenderness. His strokes were as delicate as a feather, and every soft kiss felt warm and loving.
He was so kind and gentle, and his attitude only made you more vulnerable, so you started crying again.
"Please, my love, don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you like this." He whispered.
He guided you to the bed and cuddled with you. His arms were wrapped around your body, and his nose was buried in your hair.
"Is there anything I can do to make it all go away?" He said, hand stroking your back.
"No, just hold me like this."
It breaks his heart to see you like that, so he kept thinking about making you feel better.
"How about you and I go for a walk?" He said this as his fingers ran through your smooth hair. "Or we can stay here and cuddle; watch that movie you like. I can make something to eat, and we can relax."
"It sounds good," you said, your smile making a shy return. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out."
"it's fine." He pressed a lingering kiss on your cheek. "You know I'm always here for you."
"I know, and I appreciate that." You caressed his face, your fingers exploring every inch, going through his fluffly hair over his beard and over his lips. You two were looking at each other with the same enamoured gaze as in the beginning.
"We can spend some time tomorrow if you want," he added, being enchanted by the shared intimate moment, feeling drawn in by your presence, and wanting to spend more time with you.
"What about work?" you asked.
"Don't worry, as much as I hate it, I will find the lab in the same place I left it today."
Your light chuckle made him feel a little better. Whenever you are sad, he feels his heart shatter into tiny pieces. You mean the world to him, and he'd do anything to protect you.
He was training the new recruits when his phone buzzed in his pocket. After a quick glance, he gave the men a five-minute break so he could respond to you. Jack blames himself for not giving you proper attention since he is always on the field, so when he can, he drops everything and focuses on you entirely.
"What's wrong, beautiful?"
"I don't feel well. Can you come over?"
His subordinates were thrilled to find out that they had the rest of the day off.
He is a punctual man, so he arrives on time and not a minute late, holding a bag with your favourite snacks.
He tried to hide his worry behind a comforting smile. He quickly noticed your puffy face and teary eyes.
"Have you been crying?" he asked in a low tone, coming closer to you. He cups your face and brings you closer to him, pressing small, gentle kisses all over your face. His tenderness was endearing, so much so that warm tears began to drip down your cheeks again.
"It's just...petty reasons." You said it with a trembling voice.
"Bullshit."
He pulled you closer to his chest and held you tight. His hands were stroking your back, his head pressed to yours. His much larger frame swallowed you whole, seeming as if you had disappeared completely.
You felt safe in his arms. It was so warm and comforting, and not only his embrace made you feel this way, but also his reassuring words that he'd whisper constantly.
He carried you to the bed, and as he was sitting close to you, he brushed his fingers over your check and listened closely to what you had to say. It broke his heart to see you like this, and he couldn’t stop asking himself if, if he were there more often for you, you would still end up like this. This type of question tormented him, and you could feel that.
“I’m sorry, maybe it’s a lot too dump on you.” You said this as you caressed his face, your fingers trailing over his scars.
“No, not at all, love.” He took your hand and placed a lingering kiss in your palm. “I just wish I was there for you more often.”
“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. The important thing is that you’re here now, and that means a lot to me."
You felt his lips kissing you softly once your head was pressed against his chest.
He still feels guilty, but it doesn't press over his shoulder as hard anymore. He promised to spend more time with you.
#resident evil#albert wesker#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy x reader#resident evil 4#leon kennedy x you#resident evil 4 remake#luis serra#jack krauser#krauser x reader#wesker x reader#luis serra x reader
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Have you considered writing a cowboy DCA au? Or a vampire AU?
I have ideas for both! I mention my Vampire AU in my Laundry List of AUs Post, but I haven't talked about a Cowboy AU yet!
For my cowboy AU, Y/N owns a prairie house and a small patch of land out in the wild west. You work hard and make do even though you're falling behind on payments and falling deeper into debt and danger of the bank taking your property back. It's a tough life. You know that.
Nothing exciting happens around here until one day you see a figure riding in from the distance. An animatronic on a horse. You're a bit weary of strangers, especially out here, where cattle rustlers and outlaws are aplenty, so you greet the rider with a shotgun. He's all smiles and hand waves, his sun rays partly hidden underneath his hat. There's a shiny pistol in the holster on his belt and a rifle hanging off his back. A large bag is strapped to the saddle. He's careful to not reach for something he shouldn't, and you let him dismount to talk to you, lowering your weapon.
He reassures you he means no trouble and that he just needs shelter for the night, if you don't mind. He's more than willing to offer a helping hand in exchange. He's a talker, sweet and charming, and you're not in a position to refuse extra farm help. You put him to work. He does it all without complaint which you appreciate.
There's a moment when you take a break from the back-breaking work to lie down in the field, staring up at the sky. Your eyes end up closing. You feel a gentle shadow over you. When you look up, Sun is there, casting blissfully cool shade and asking if it's alright for him to stand here. You tell him it's just fine. You ask him if there's any worry of him overheating. He says no, but thank you kindly for the concern.
Later, when you check in the barn, you notice that the large bag that was on his horse is now gone.
You don't want any trouble.
At sundown, when you call for him to come inside, you're greeted with a different animatronic, still smiling and soothing and promising that it's the same cowboy, please put the shotgun down. You've never met an animatronic like him. Sun. Moon. You let him come inside.
You spend a quiet night with the cowboy. He helps you clean up your dishes even though he had no part in the mess-making. There's little talk of where he came from or where he's going, but he mentions lying low for a while. You don't want to know. You don't ask. He asks if he might touch the guitar you have there in the corner. You tell him that's fine. You haven't played it in a long time. He serenades the night with plucked chords and twaining strings, and somehow, you fall asleep listening to the gentle strums and wake up the next morning in your bed.
Sun greets you all cheerful. You don't know what to feel about having another around to talk to... but you're adjusting. He asks for another day's work for another night's lodging. You agree. He smiles so big you're afraid he'll burst.
You get a visit from a fellow farmer (Sun makes himself scarce on the rare chance a visitor comes) who talks about the news, the gangs rolling through the valley, the cattle missing, and a distant bank just recently robbed. You shake your head.
Later, in the barn, you're shifting hay on the hayloft when you step back and expect to find solid flooring but there's nothing but air and you're falling—then caught in solid arms. Sun exclaims how you have to be careful! You would have gotten hurt. You wish he would put you down already, holding you like this turns you all red and embarrassed. Even when he sets you on your feet, Sun insists he finishes with the hay up top. Your pride is awfully stung but the ghost of his arms around you chases you outside and it's only there that you can finally think clearly after all the excitement.
When night falls, Moon helps you deal with a fox in the chicken pen but in chasing off the fiend, something snaps along his arm when he hops a fence and you know that ugly sound means something's broken. Wires spark in the dark. You rush to his side faster than you've ever run. You gingerly hold his arm and guide him back home to fix the damage done even though you're only a support to his injury, and he, thankfully, can tend to himself. He says he's learned how to take care of little problems like these since he's been running by himself for a while. You almost ask what he did before he came here but you don't dare. You told yourself you didn't want trouble. Getting attached will do nothing but stir up your feelings. There will be no one else to blame if your heart gets broken.
He picks at the guitar strings to test his repair and sings a little song that you swear you won't fall asleep to but, again, you wake up in your bed when you know you didn't tuck yourself in. Sun is already outside, getting a jumpstart on the day's chores.
The cowboy stays another night, then another, and then a few weeks have flown by. You get a visitor from the bank asking for payment or else they're taking your land and everything on it. You chase off the man, spitting mad, but you're still in troubled waters. You're going to lose all you have. Sun witnesses the encounter from a distance but you don't speak of it all day. Then, Sun finds you when the sun burns red across the sky.
He talks softly to you and before you know it, he's leading you by the hand and spinning you in a little dance you've never danced before. Sun leads, and you follow because he's the last light you have, and when he dips you low, you rise with the Moon in the near darkness, dancing and dancing on dirt. You've never held a hand that felt so right with his arms twirling you around and around—you almost forget you're going to lose it all.
Besides the crackle of the fire in your hearth that night, Moon coaxes you to talk about the money you owe and your pride almost bites your tongue off but you do it anyway. Moon asks when the bank man is going to come again. You tell him in the morning but you don't want charity. You don't need it. You owe enough debts as it is. He gives you a grin that is too mischievous for his own good.
That night, you lean against his shoulder when he plays a gentle song, a ballad about lovers falling and magnolias blooming. You wake up in your bed but it's still dark out and Moon is gone. You get up to find him but he's already at the door, holding a large bag—the one that was missing from his saddle. He tells you to pay the bank when they come and get a receipt. You ask him what in blue blazes he's doing with a bag full of money but he shoves it in your hands. Morning spills across the land. Then it's Sun winking at you. The bank is coming. He tells you he needs to go now, but he promises to come back for you.
You tell him you can't owe him like this—you'll never be able to repay it. Sun promises that you won't owe him anything, he'll get the money back.
You can hardly be angry before he's on his horse and taking off into the distance. You curse yourself out for being a fool and having a heart that wants to stick roots into anything that lingers longer for a day and for having this bag of money that isn't yours and for letting that cowboy dance and serenade you, but when the bank sends another man to collect, you pay it all. You get that receipt. The man accepts the payment and goes on his merry way, back to the bank that can no longer hound you. All of your debts are erased, thanks to the cowboy.
You don't know where he was hiding the money. You remember the news of a distant bank that was robbed.
It's only a few days later that you learn from a fellow farmer that the man carrying back your money to the bank was ambushed. An animatronic outlaw caught him alone. He stole the entire bag of cash. The farmer laughs when he says the bank man was madder than a wet hen. He also remarks that he's surprised they didn't come after you for more money, but you had a receipt. They can't touch you.
After the farmer leaves, you sit in a daze and then curse the cowboy out again. You still owe him.
You didn't want trouble, yet here you are, all twitterpated and waiting for when he comes down from the horizon.
#okay that's like the beginning but there's a very dangerous gang and sun/moon weren't always running on his own#and of course he comes back#but he accidentally brings the very thing he was running from back to you oops#turns out he's a slippery fellow and well someone wants him#and you're the sweetest honey to use to catch their fly#cowboy au#cowboy!sun#cowboy!moon#magnolias blooming#i didn't mean to write this much but uhhh here we are
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hii first of all, i absolutely love your metas on GO s2! your breakdown of the last few minutes of ep6 was really insightful and i love you for your meta about aziraphale and his role as a protector - it is a very astute look into his character and motivations which not a lot of people acknowledge in their theories/speculation after s2.
more to the point of this ask: this is something i've been mulling over and is the only thing that still doesn't make sense to me in ep6. why is crowley so nonchalant, or at least not noticeably worried, about the metatron showing up to the bookshop (a space he is very protective of) and taking aziraphala away for a talk after aziraphale has already been threatened by micheal? throughout the whole season crowley has been extremely protective over aziraphale and is very much aware of the real danger he is in (re: the book of life). this is also right after crowley has returned from heaven and has learned what the metatron was willing to do to gabriel to ensure 'institutional integrity' and that much bigger plans were afoot. i find it hard to wrap my head around his calm demeanor when the metatron enters the scene and takes aziraphale away, even if it's supposedly for a harmless talk. i wonder if you have any thoughts/speculation about this?
(opps this got too long and rambling). i would love to hear your thought but ofc please don't feel pressured to answer :) love your posts about the season and i look forward to reading more from you. have a lovely day!
Hi!! Thank you so much! This ask has had me by the throat basically since you sent it. It sort of touches on some things I already wanted to write about so forgive me if this spirals a bit.
So in a lot of ways I think this is a question that can have a one word answer. But since I do wanna talk about the way the show gives us this answer I actually want to start with Nina. Specifically I want to start with the thing she tells Crowley as Aziraphale’s off with the Metatron.
“You’re the hard bitten one that can’t trust anyone ever again and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one that still believes in magic people being basically good and all that."
I’ve talked a little bit about this line before in my meta about the build up to the Confession here because I think it’s important to view from the perspective of how it preps Crowley for the following conversation he’s about to have. But, aside from that, I think it's really important because it's wrong. Nina is describing herself here, not Crowley. She’s projecting her own issues onto him and Aziraphale in the way that she perceives herself relating to them. Crowley himself is actually the one that calls out her trust issues for what they are explicitly.
Nina doesn’t trust and she sees herself in Crowley far more than Aziraphale both in demeanor and aesthetic so she assumes he doesn’t trust either. But she has it backwards. Because Crowley isn’t hard bitten as much as someone who tries very hard to be perceived as such. And, most importantly in this specific context, Crowley actually trusts quite a bit.
And he nearly always has. Even as far as back as the Starmaker.
Just look at the way that the Starmaker and Aziraphale both talk about interacting with God. Aziraphale is nervous, anxious and pretty much immediately clocks that what the angel that would become Crowley is saying is going to get him into trouble. But the Starmaker? Even upset about the information he’s been given, he remains confident in the fact that it can’t hurt to ask a few questions. He trusts there to be no consequence for expressing an objection. He trusts that his opinion is valued. Even if he ends up wrong here there’s no inclination at all that he thinks his words will be taken inappropriately. And even the Fall itself doesn’t burn this out of him.
We see him trust Aziraphale, the cherub who was supposed to be guarding Eden from things like him, not to smite him on sight. And trusts him enough to not only have a conversation but express his own worries about his own actions. He then approaches Aziraphale like a friend at the Flood and makes no attempt to censor his horror at what is happening there.
Job is the first time we see Crowley act in a way that implies mistrust between them. This is the first time they’ve met since the Flood which I suspect is contributing to his reluctance to be honest with Aziraphale here. They fall into their roles and then very rapidly fall out of them. The fact Azriaphale reaches out to Crowley here is important. As is the moment where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’s sure. After Aziraphale more or less agrees to be all in something changes. Crowley is surprisingly honest about his view on the world, mostly trusting Aziraphale not to use it against him. He places himself in front of a host of angels, trusting that Aziraphale would not expose him. And then later he’s even more honest, admitting to Aziraphale he’s lonely in an attempt to show solidarity.
The entire Arrangement could not exist without them trusting each other. Crowley’s pushing at Aziraphale’s boundaries is a constant exercise in trusting that Aziraphale will come around eventually - or that he at the very least isn’t about to weaponize the treacherous things Crowley is saying against him. As early as 1601 we see Aziraphale voicing active concern for Crowley's well being. We then see Crowley actively trust Aziraphale with both their safeties in 1941 - whether it’s trusting Azriaphale to save them from the bomb about to drop on them or trusting Aziraphale’s trust in him to not accidentally discorporate him during the bullet catch. They even explicitly talk about their mutual trust in this year during their shades of gray conversation.
During Armageddon Crowley shows up trusting that Aziraphale will help him fix this and once Aziraphale agrees never once seems to consider the idea that Aziraphale would hide anything from him (even when Aziraphale is actively doing so).
He also critically knows that Aziraphale tried to reach God and got himself discorporated as a consequence. And likely specifically knows that Aziraphale talked to the Metatron and came away from that conversation realizing that Heaven would not help him. It's worth noting whether Crowley knows this bit or not that in this conversation Aziraphale not only explicitly questions the Metatron's authority but also uses the conversation to extract information from the Metatron.
Aziraphale leaves this conversation with an active lie to the Metatron and attempts to call Crowley to tell him everything he knew. He then continually chooses Crowley over Heaven. They pick their own side and help stop the world from ending.
And then, all season, Aziraphale keeps proving that the trust Crowley has always had in him is well earned. Aziraphale, even more than Crowley himself, brings up ideas of 'us' and 'our side' and 'our car'.
Aziraphale openly talks negatively of Heaven. Not only does he agree with Crowley's disbelief that Heaven managed to stay in charge sending people like Muriel down, but he even goes a step further, implying that they perhaps never had control over earth in that way.
He also, most critically, immediately and without hesitation, tries to turn down the Metatron's offer to even have a conversation. Aziraphale, who has also just brought a group of archangels to order, reaffirms his lack of interest in Heaven right then and there in front of Crowley. Right when the Metatron has reaffirmed the threat of the Book of Life is out of play.
Crowley trusts Aziraphale. He always has. And more than ever lately Aziraphale has given him proof that he doesn't have to worry about where he allegiances lay.
But. It's also worth noting. I don't think Crowley is as chill as he maybe seems like he is. Yes, he's sprawled out and speaking casually here, but to some degree this is a bit of posturing. He's playing it cool and also not encroaching on the control Aziraphale has managed to wrangle on this situation. But he also doesn't just let them wander off either. As soon as they hit the door, Crowley is out of the chair and walking to the front of the shop to watch them leave through the window. He's keeping tabs as they walk away.
He then banishes Muriel and promptly starts to clean. Now I'm always a little wary to mix Book and Show canon, but I do think his cleaning of the bookshop (as well as him carrying around stacks of books while babysitting Jim) are manifestations of Book!Crowley's tendency to want to stress clean. He's keeping himself busy and gets done too quickly then promptly glances at his watch before throwing himself into the chair with a frustrated noise. He's anxious and stressed the entire time Aziraphale is out of his line of sight.
In other words, Crowley's not actually as calm as he's presenting himself to be. He's trying to take that nervous energy out in a way that doesn't conflict with giving Aziraphale agency. Because he trusts his angel. And that in part is why it hits him so hard when it all blows up in his face.
#good omens#crowley#good omens meta#good omens spoilers#gos2 spoilers#good omens season 2#answers#oh yeah this got waaaay long#oops
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7) My ex/family kicked me out into the rain. I have nobody else to call but you.
Maybe something like post high school and Eddie is your BFF and your living situation suddenly turns bad (abusive family, significant other broke up with you suddenly). He jumps at the chance to steal you away for himself comfort you.
best friend!eddie munson x fem!reader + my ex/family kicked me out into the rain. i have nobody else to call but you.
warnings: hurt/comfort. mentions of a sudden/tough break up.
Eddie is the first person you think of as you’re staring at the thick raindrops hitting the steps of your apartment building, and the duffel bag at your feet, which now held the few belongings you could gather before being pushed out of your apartment.
His apartment — your ex’s — now. You guess you need to get used to calling it that.
You're not thinking about him, though. Your best friend is all you can think of as you walk through the streets of downtown Hawkins, letting the rain soak you through your old hoodie, carrying your bag on tired arms.
You think of his warm hugs, of his narrow waist squeezed between your arms as his are crushing you to his chest. You think of cold afternoons on his couch, each of you with one of Wayne’s mugs warming your hands, sitting in comfortable silence while the rain hit the metallic surface of their trailer. Of his scent, of the soft fabric of his band t-shirts, of ends of his hair tickling your skin.
You think of home.
It's the only thing that gives you enough strength to make your way to the auto shop, where you hoped to find him. With your luck, it would probably be his lunch time, or a day off. Tears stung in your eyes and the cold rose from your soaked feet through your jeans and your shirt, cold from the inside out, all over.
The older lady, who's name is a flower you can't remember, behind the front desk counter smiles at you. You hope she can't see how your lips wobble, you'd sure have to blame it on the cold. She gives you barely no time to state the reason of your visit, ushering you to sit, “Do you want some coffee, dear? You sure need to warm up! Here, I'll get him for you.”
A streaming mug is cradled between your hands in an instant. Her kindness brings more tears to your eyes, but you can't let them fall, not yet. From a distance, you hear her call him over. “Eddie, dear, your girlfriend is here!”
Neither of you have ever corrected her, or any of the men who work with him. To them, you were his girl. It felt right, even if you never said it out loud.
The plastic chair under you is cold, your skin is cold, the room is cold. The mug in your hands shakes with the force of your trembling, but the sight of Eddie entering the reception, long hair in a low bun, dirty coveralls over a long sleeve Metallica shirt he got on their last Summer tour, warms you all over.
“Sweetheart? What are you doing here?” There's no irritation in his voice, just confusion. His eyes are set on you, looking for any sign of trouble.
You don't reply, not with words. The mug you're holding is delicately placed on the chair next to you, and your wet bag is forgotten behind you as you launch yourself on him, and his arms promptly meet you halfway.
Camels, grease and motor oil. Cheap cologne, cinnamon gum. Warmth, soft and gentle. You're home.
Tears flow down your cheeks and transfer into his clothes. You're dirty now too, but you don't mind. His voice is soft when he asks again, “What's going on, baby? You're scarying me.”
The pet name is new, but the hand cradling the back of your neck isn't. It's familiar, safe. You sniffle before you can answer. Still scared and ashamed. “Can you keep holding me like this? Just for a minute.”
A soft kiss is pressed to the top of your head.
“All right. It's all right. I'll hold you for as long as you want.”
#my first attempt at mechanic!eddie 😳#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson fanfic
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i'm a chef
kang haerin x fem! reader
synopsis: minji left haerin and y/n (mostly y/n) in charge of food for the group's mini new year celebration, and y/n just wanted to give her girlfriend a chance to redeem herself.
others + genre: fluff, established relationship that the members know about, 6th member reader, y/n kinda the designated chef of newji, like shes so good she puts hanni to shame
notes: requested!, kinda proof read, hope this was what you had in mind!!
"and don't burn the dorm down!"
you sighed. you liked the idea of being alone with haerin for a while. she was always more open that way, but having to cook a meal for all 6 of you alone while she sits and looks pretty for your moral support? the rest of the members went out for last minute shopping and cake-buying, leaving you and haerin to prepare dinner.
despite being together for almost a year now (yes you got together predebut), you've never found yourself in a cooking situation with haerin. you preferred working with hanni, not that your girlfriend minded anyways, she avoided kitchen duty with her life.
but haerin's cooking can't be that bad.... right?
"unnie said you can fry eggs at best." haerin shot a glare your way while rinsing the vegetables you picked out from the dorm's fridge.
"okay sorry! you can't blame me though... you don't help me out when i cook." you held your hands up in the air as you kneeled to pick out the raw chicken from the freezer.
"you make me sound like a bad girlfriend..." the cat-eyed girl muttered, turning the sink's faucet off once the bowl of vegetables was full of water.
you chuckled and crept up behind her, whispering "well you're helping me now, aren't you?" as you reached for the kitchen knife in the drawer beside her. a light blush grew on her face from the proximity as well.
"besides, you always seem to have bathroom troubles whenever i ask for help."
the side comment sent haerin and you bursting into laughter. she left the bowl of dry and now-rinsed vegetables beside you as instructed. you refused to let her help with the chopping in fear she'd get hurt, especially since she wasn't used to preparing the dish you were making.
"anything else you need me to do?"
"can you preheat the oven? there should be instructions on my phone."
she nodded and skipped to the living room where you left your phone charging by the tv set. after spending a solid minute staring at your lockscreen (a photo of her that you took from a night walk when you guys were filming in spain), she typed in your password and briefly read the instructions before placing it back down.
after turning knobs on the oven that haerin hoped were the right ones, she sat on one of the countertop's chairs and pulled out her phone, taking what seemed like a million candid photos of you chopping vegetables.
"hey i didn't know paparazzi made it in the dorms!" you looked up with a wide smile after chopping the the last potato. you playfully reached over to cover her camera, by which she fought back by leaning over side to side as quick as she could.
the little chasing game had the couple giggling endlessly before you got tired and gave up, muttering a "you win". you walked around the counter and leaned on haerin's back, head on her right shoulder and arms loosely wrapped around her waist.
you watched intently as your girlfriend opened twitter with the group account.
"yah don't post the video....." haerin began giggling again, pretending to not have heard you as she began composing a caption on the tweet.
"baby please omg..." you faced her side profile as she still seemed like she wasn't going to budge. "please i can't have tokkis thinking i'm a loser.."
your plead turned only into a caption idea as she began typing "BREAKING NEWS: our cool y/n is a loser" on the tweet.
"baby that's so funny.... haha you know what else is funny? you picking the films.... for our movie nights next month haha.... ha.." your arms' grip around her waist grew tighter as you began showering her whole head, and i mean, whole head with kisses in between your sentences.
haerin was now laughing uncontrollably, typing the "#해린 #YN #뉴진스" tags on the tweet and attaching the video she just took. in between laughter, she managed to let out a "sorry pretty... it was too funny not to share."
you stumbled over to the couch and threw yourself on it face first, mumbling about how your cool girl image was over and that you'll never be the same again. this went on for a solid minute before you stood up and walked back to the kitchen, remembering the task your leader left you with in the first place.
"you were able to preheat the oven a while ago right?"
"yeah. the knobs dont go all the way to 600 though so i just left it at the highest possible."
"....600?"
"like the instructions?"
well fuck.
you ran back to your now fully charged phone, unlocking it quickly and reading through the instructions. after confirming the information, you ran back to the oven and twisted the knob to 250, like how it should've been.
a sigh of relief escaped your lips as you slowly walked back to your confused girlfriend. "rinnie... it didn't even say 600 it said 60."
haerin looked at you with a mix of amusement, remorse, and shock. "oh...."
you rolled your eyes playfully before leaning over and kissing her cheek. "yeah. oh."
the two of you shared another couple of minutes laughing at what just happened, and how you both almost actually burned the dorm down. she leaned her head on your shoulder as you fiddled with the ends of her hair, slowly dropping another kiss on her forehead.
"you're never going near the stove and oven again."
"i'm not saying i'm not complaining, but... yeah i'm not complaining."
later that night hyein bursted through the dorms asking why "haeyn" was trending all over twitter. haerin giggled while you read through tweets under the tag, coming across the follow up tweet you didn't see haerin post as well.
#newjeans imagines#newjeans x reader#kang haerin imagines#kang haerin x reader#haerin imagines#haerin x reader#newjeans fanfic
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Softer
hola :D fyodor is alive - fyodor esta vivo
I was thinking about making a masterlist or something like that, I don't know if when I upload this I will have it published or how I will do it
anyway, I really liked this and enjoyed writing it, it's longer than I usually post but Idk, by the way, I hated translating this, it was a pain in the ass, but that's what I get for joining a mostly English community ��ñññññññññññ--
well, this is mostly inspired by Sinner by TheBloodySadist, you can find it in Ao3 if you want to read it, I had an obsession with it a few months xd
jaja this has gone on too long, well, adiós adiós :p
Yandere!Fyodor x Reader
English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the mistakes
sumary: You tried to escape and now you have to take the consequences, but you make something change in Fyodor... (juju, mistery >:p) Pt.2
tw: yandere behavior, kidnapping, failed escape attempt, explicit punishment, explicit violence, blood, broken bones, humiliation¿, manipulation, brainwashing, stockholm syndrome, reader needs therapy, stabbing, nudity, sedative, Fyodor is a fucking tw
You tremble under the weight of the boot on your ribs, you swear that at some point you hear them cracking along with an agonizing pain throughout your body.
The pressure on your body makes it impossible for you to breathe properly, which is a serious problem considering you are hyperventilating. Every breath burns your exhausted lungs and aggravates the pain.
You'd ask Fyodor to kill you already if it weren't for the fact that your throat is in a terrible condition from so much screaming and pleading.
"Well, I see I can't trust you, can I?" Despite the situation, Fyodor's tone provokes you inner anger, sounding so sarcastic. Something deep inside you tells you it's not sarcasm, it's concern, but you can't believe it, especially not coming from Fyodor.
You imagine that, if you had the strength at this moment, you would kill him with your own hands. You know well you wouldn't be able to, but it's pleasant to think about it.
"I do everything for you, and still you try to escape." He puts more pressure against your ribs and you've never felt as much pain as you do now. "You spoiled brat." He growls and his Russian accent becomes much thicker.
He removes his foot from your body and you can breathe. Relief courses through your veins and, out of pure instinct, you thank him for that act of kindness. He could have stretched it out longer, put more pressure on you and broken your ribs more, but he was merciful and gave you a break…. A break, you know that your punishment is not yet over.
You don't know yourself and your thoughts. One thing you have to hand it to Fyodor is that his training is really effective, but you're tougher than that, or at least you like to think so. Realistically, right now, you just want to curl up against him.
A kick in the side snaps you out of your thoughts, you moan and cry from the pain, your throat burning with fire. You never want to utter a sound again in your life after this.
"Aw, you poor thing… Does it hurt? Now you know how I feel every time you leave me." He's lying, you know that, but that doesn't take away the guilt that settles in your head free-form.
You shouldn't have run away, Fyodor isn't even that bad if you behaved: no gratuitous physical harm and he takes better care of you than you could ask of a kidnapper. You were an idiot, you deserved all this for not appreciating your life with Fyodor properly. God… Why did you try to escape in the first place? The Russian would always would catch you, you were just causing trouble.
Ignoring your destroyed throat, you decide to speak. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't try to escape again. Please give me another chance, I'll be good…"
Fyodor kneels down next to your agonized body. He puts his hand against your tear-stained cheek, at first you flinch, thinking he was going to hurt you more, but then you lean almost automatically against his cold hand.
You cry harder as you feel Fyodor's gentle touch, you don't quite understand what's wrong with you, you just know that you want to melt against his hand. You close your eyes and tremble. You want a hug from him, you know you shouldn't want that, that it's disgusting, he kidnapped you and hurt you, but at a time like this, when you've been disobedient, he's still showing you affection….
"Shh, it's okay, милый." He catches the falling tears with his thumb. "I know you're sorry, but your punishment isn't over yet." You automatically tense up and slowly open your eyes to look at the man in front of you, there is a smirk of superiority painted on his face, observing your pathetic appearance.
You don't dare open your mouth to complain because deep down you know very well that you deserve it, you deserve the pain for being so bratty and causing inconvenience to Fyodor. You accept what lies ahead of you and let Fyodor pull his hand away from you.
With his grip firmly on your hip, he guides you to turn around. You keep the cheek that was previously receiving the loving touch against the ground a thousand times colder than Fyodor.
You concentrate exclusively on the Russian's hands, it's just an idiotic attempt to ignore the pain all over your body. He pulls up your shirt, leaving your back bare against the cold, why is everything so cold all of a sudden? Fyodor is too, in a way he brings you peace of mind, it's like he's everywhere, even in the air…. What the hell are you thinking? You firmly believe you're delusional at this point, these are not your real thoughts, it's clear to you, he put all these idiotic ideas in your head and now you can't get them out. It's agonizing in a certain way.
The only thing you hear is your irregular breathing, if it wasn't for Fyodor's hand clamped on your hip, you would think you were alone right now, and you don't know if you would like that more or less.
Something sharpening presses against your upper back. Everything breaks down in a moment as Fyodor makes a straight cut across your entire back. It hurts horrendously, especially as the blood starts to spurt out. You start to feel dizzy and for a few moments you convince yourself you're going to pass out, but no, your body is still holding on, focused solely on Fyodor's hand.
"Breathe, моя любовь. It's just a cut." You repeat Fyodor's last sentence in your head like a mantra: it's just a cut, it's just a cut. He could have done it much worse to you, you were fine, just a cut.
You take comfort in closing your eyes hard and imagining that you are once again a child at the doctor's office, that you are simply having blood drawn for a blood test because you have not been feeling very well lately. You make a fist with your hand and clench it, digging your fingernails deep into your palm, it's as if you are clutching the hand of one of your parents for comfort. There is no more pain, it's okay, it's all right-
Another cut, this time horizontal, creates a cross on your back. You don't care, you're at the hospital, and you're safe, nothing will happen to you. It's just a cut.
Fyodor stabs the weapon into your side. You open your eyes wide as a torn scream comes out of your mouth.
Fuck it all, do you really deserve this? Have you been so horrible? You assume that Fyodor simply hates you, that he wants to torture you.
Fyodor pulls the weapon out of your body, you look out of the corner of your eye and the wound doesn't seem to be that bad, you thought it was deeper because of the pain, but no, it was something apparently superficial. You didn't want to know how much it would hurt if he had really stabbed you deeper.
Fyodor's voice right next to your ear startles you. "Sorry, was that too much? Did I hurt my little one too much?" That mocking tone again, but you hear a hint of love and concern, or so you assume. No, it's impossible for Fyodor to hate you, if he hated you there wasn't that hint of love, was there? If he hated you, he wouldn't say to you like that: my little one, his little one.
"I can't take it anymore! Please, Fyodor!" He leaves a chaste kiss on the back of your neck, and you cry disconsolately, you don't know why, but you do know it's not because of the pain, the pain doesn't matter anymore.
"You can." Fyodor's voice is the ultimate authority right now, and if he says you can take it, it's because you can. "You don't want to disappoint me, do you?"
After those words you instantly panic, you desperately shake your head, of course you don't want to disappoint him! You have to accept your punishment, it was your fault in the first place.
"Brace yourself, dear." Fyodor leaves a trail of kisses from the nape of your neck all the way down your back, above the vertical cut. You assume he's filled his lips with blood and hate yourself at the thought of how attractive he'd look like that.
A new cut interrupts your hatred. You scream, but nothing more, you can take it, for Fyodor….
It's just one cut.
You don't know how many cuts there are next, you are not able to count them. You don't feel your throat anymore, but miraculously it still works, your screams are still coming out of it, you are relieved because you still want to keep your voice to talk to Fyodor, to ask him to hold you.
Fyodor removes your shirt completely and lays it aside on the floor. He holds you firmly and helps you sit up, any movement is hell for your ribs, but you endure it by concentrating on your kidnapper, on his loving but steadfast touch.
You look at him dizzy, teary-eyed and shattered. He is smiling, you have not disappointed him. Your head hurts as you cry disconsolately against his chest again.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying now? Your punishment is over, I won't hurt you anymore."
"You…" You're unable to speak, it's too much at once, the pain and your thoughts coming together in a ball of discomfort. You shake your head and hug him tightly.
"Are you afraid?" You weakly shake your head. It's true that Fyodor scares you, especially on these occasions when he punishes you, but you're not crying about it now.
Funny, you don't know why you're crying, but you do know what you're not crying about.
Fyodor is silent, thinking about why you're crying. "Is it about the pain?" You deny again.
Fyodor hums thoughtfully. "If you don't tell me what it is, I can't help you." You ponder on that: does he want to help you? Is he serious?
You make the feeble attempt to gather your thoughts and speak. "It's just- I don't know" Your voice comes out shakier than you wish it would. "When you touch me… It feels so good, I don't deserve it, I don't-"
"Oh, I see… Aren't you crying because of something bad? Is it because it feels good?" You nod quickly, yes, that's as close as you feel. You're happy when it touches you, when it's good to you. Were you crying out of happiness? Well, you guess so, although it feels more depressing.
"It's okay, relax." He leaves a kiss in front, and it breaks you inside. "You've taken the punishment very well, come on, you deserve to be taken care of."
The process of getting up from the floor is horrible, not only because of the pain all over your body and your numb legs, but because your mind doesn't stop spinning around Fyodor's last sentence. It feels horrible and so good at the same time that your mind is only around one specific person.
He helps you up and you let him lean your useless body against his. He guides you through the house, being patient with your slow pace. He's mostly silent, except when he tells you how well you're doing or that not long to go. Since when did Fyodor know how to talk so pleasantly?
You reach the bathroom, he sits you on the toilet and turns on the bathtub faucet. While it is filling, Fyodor takes some pills out of a drawer that you have always found locked. You don't know what the pills are or what they're for, but he hands you one and you take it without question.
You let your head fall against Fyodor's stomach, even though he is standing upright he doesn't move an inch and lets you be comfortable, he strokes your hair and you sigh lovingly. You don't deserve it, but you need more of this Fyodor, the soft Fyodor who takes care of you and makes you feel good, what did you have to do in the future to keep it in this shape? If you need to be damaged for that, well, you are willing to do it.
"The tub is full." He warns and moves a little away from you, causing you to raise your head. You miss a little that he's touching you, even though he's only been separated of you for three seconds. He holds you under your armpits and helps you up. "I need you to stand up on your own, can you, дорогой?"
You try not to focus so much on Fyodor asking you if you could do it instead of just sending you the order, and focus on standing on your own.
The Russian undresses you completely, his hands are soft, and you feel them all over your body. They are so cold, and you are so cold too now that you are naked. You are vulnerable, now more than ever, and Fyodor's fixed gaze on you disturbs you. You are simply an easy prey to hunt, his prey.
He doesn't look like a hunter now, as much as his gaze is like knives stabbing through every spot he focuses on, you think he's not doing it on purpose. Fyodor doesn't know how to be nice, he never has. He knows how to be neutral: he can keep you alive and give you necessities, but he can't kiss you and keep you warm.
But there's something wrong with all this, he's being warm because since when are his hands so soft against your battered body? You need him, you need him so much it hurts, is this his way of being nice? Okay, fine, you accept it without complaint.
When he puts you in the tub you want to die, the cuts on your back burn at the contact of the water. You don't dare say a word at that or ask Fyodor to pull you out, you're afraid you'll upset him, that he'll get tired of you being so weak and whiny and stop being gentle. Fyodor could have left you lying on the cold floor, bleeding, but he didn't. You can't be an unbearable child to him.
The Russian starts washing your body, putting special emphasis on your cuts and the wound on your side. You look at his serious face with need, why were you only now realizing how handsome he was? Mmmh, you must have been blind before. He notices obviously your shy look on his lips and he smiles, that smile indicating that he was superior to you and despite that, he was still keeping you alive and forgiving of everything you did.
He approaches you and gives you the only thing you needed to be satisfied for today: a kiss. It reminds you of all the good things, strangely enough in those memories Fyodor also appears and disturbs you minimally.
You question yourself that, maybe, Fyodor does know how to be gentle.
This is the proof you need to know that now this was a new version, right? He kissed you. You feel a warmth spreading throughout your body, now it is warm, and his hands are warm too. There is a big change in temperature and it feels like heaven.
After that, Fyodor continued to wash you with special care, ignoring how your face might explode from how red it was.
The only thing that could crush the heat was tiredness, you almost fell asleep a couple of times, but you didn't want to fall asleep because it would be like wasting time with this soft Fyodor, what if tomorrow he returned to his serious and impassive face? You can't waste this time or you would regret it.
"Go to sleep, take it easy. I'll take you to bed when I'm finished." You looked at him as the most merciful being in the world. He cared about you…
You hold back your sobs for these acts of kindness, you don't want to cry anymore, not only to avoid possible discomfort in Fyodor, but for yourself, the headache is unbearable.
You let yourself fall asleep, with your head supported on your knees and Fyodor's soothing touch.
You had a nightmare which you don't remember, or don't want to remember. You wake up with your body held in Fyodor's arms, warm and gentle.
Since when did everything become so homey? Homey? Would that be the right word? Describing any situation involving Fyodor with that word doesn't feel natural to you.
You find it hard to feel your body, and your thoughts don't flow as quickly and aggressively as they used to. It's like being enveloped in a cloud, full of comfort and calmness.
You just feel something on your side, at the site of the shallow stab wound. You think maybe it's some bandage, but your limbs are asleep and too comfortable against Fyodor to move them to check. Otherwise, you feel nothing, only someone else's hand on your lower belly, it's extremely intimate in your perspective.
You turn your sleepy head and glance sideways at Fyodor. He seems calm, looking at you, his face is emotionless again and it scares you. You come to convince yourself that he is still the soft Fyodor, if he wasn't his hand wouldn't be on you, he still hasn't changed, you repeat that to yourself until you believe it.
"… Fyodor, do you know what?" Your voice comes out weak and hoarse, you wonder how soon your throat will heal. You're thankful you can't feel it well, so there's no pain anymore.
"Mmmh?"
"I think I love you."
"Do you?" There is a change, minuscule, but a change.
You nod and look away from his face, you can't stand it, no. There has been a change, you don't know in what. There's been a change, a change! Is it good or bad? You want to think it's a nice thing.
"You're different."
"I am? In what way?"
"You're softer, something nice."
"You're drugged, you don't talk sense."
"But you're different! Seriously, you never take care of me."
Silence rules the room and it hurts. Why did you talk? What idiocy, it's your fault everything that happens now, all your fault.
"You cried with happiness when I helped you sit up." Your gaze returns to the other.
"I know, so what? You want me to cry again?" There are no bad intentions behind your comment, there really aren't. You feel your brain empty, and you can't quite interpret the situation, what is Fyodor trying to tell you? Is he angry? Is he going to punish you again? It's exhausting to use your brain in this state, so you just give up and go with the flow.
"No, I don't want that." The silence stretches a little longer and, for just a few seconds, Fyodor looks away. He looks away. "I just… I thought maybe you'd be happier if I treated you good."
"Ah…" He wanted you to be happy? Really?
"I know I hurt you, but you know I only do it when you deserve it, don't you?" You nod and the cuts on your back burn for a few seconds. "Good. I really want you to be happy, with me."
You feel like at any moment the old Fyodor will appear through the door and say something like it was all a test, and then punish you for failing it. It's a horrible feeling, but you come to believe that it will seriously pass.
"So… Are you still going to be soft?"
"Yes, only if you are obedient in return."
Yes, yes, yes. He's going to keep being gentle. For some reason your chest hurts, and you sob, Fyodor has a few drops of surprise in his expression. You hide from his gaze and just focus on the yes, it's like releasing a horrible burden out of your body. You weren't afraid he was lying, something told you he wasn't, his expression maybe, or his voice, or….
"Are you crying with happiness now too?"
"I like the soft Fyodor…"
"Mmmh, that's good, isn't it?" He pulls you a little closer to his face and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead. You'd like to kiss him in return, but you can't move. "I'll keep being soft then."
I swear all I could think about while writing this was to to send it all to hell and make these two fuck
maybe I will make a second part
#bsd x reader#bsd x you#bsd fyodor#fyodor#fyodor dostoyevsky bsd#fyodor x reader#fyodor x y/n#fyodor x you#yandere fyodor#yandere bsd#yandere bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd
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Tumblr WILL NOT let me post the fic and this ask at the same time and I've tried legit five times. So THANK YOU anon for the request and I'm sorry for the weirdness in uploading. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this!
My Ghost.
Billy x Gender Neutral! Reader
Summery: You don't know what happened that night. Things were fine, life was good, then your partner is on the news for all sorts of shit you never would've thought him capable of the day prior. He was dead, he was evil, and you were trying to move on. But what's the proper etiquette when the dead show up on your door unannounced?
Tags: No use of Y/N, hurt/comfort, fake death, mentions of drinking, drug use/dealing, grieving, arguing, cursing, flashbacks, brief suggestive scenes, suicidal thoughts.
Other Works in This Series: 'Repentance' (Prequel to 'My Ghost') • 'Lapses' (Sequel to 'My Ghost')
Notes: The way I've been trying to upload this for two hours. Oh my fucking God. Anyways, everyone say thank you to anon for getting me to write something that doesn't make God cry.
-¤°》◇《°¤-
I'm not hard to please, but I'm not desperate despite what the rumors may say.
People enjoy gossip. People who don't know fuck all about you. And my standards are fine. Were fine. And I don't mean standards such as 'buys me flowers everyday' or 'doesn't deal coke.' I mean standards such as 'is a decent fucking person.'
"That's what I thought you were up until all of this fucking... disappearing for months!" I scream, anger fueling me. I don't let the other emotions win out, don't let them have a say. Because if I do, I'll be too conflicted and overwhelmed and then I'm gonna cry, and that's not fair.
People had warned me he was trouble. Terms such as 'wannabe cowboy,' 'rebel without a cause' were tossed around in warning. But to me, he was just Billy.
Then he was dead.
Now, he was here. He showed up at my door nine months after leaving me with a small little keychain on the kitchen table and a soft kiss on my forehead, saying he had some plans for that evening. But he'll be back soon.
Then he was on the news. And a gas station blew up. Gangs, stolen vehicles. He was probably dead. Things would be easier if he was dead.
Fine. Maybe I initially ignored warning signs. Maybe I was distracted by his handsome side profile, too busy admiring his nose to notice the occasions it was dusted with the trace of a fine powder. Maybe his hands were too beautiful for me to realize they were slipping money to men in dark jackets when we went out to the rougher parts of town. But he was mine and I was his, and overall he was a good person.
He was alive. He was alive and I was mad because if he was dead then at least it would be valid that for nine months I have had to deal with the accusatory stares of our neighbors assuming I knew, the pity from my loved ones, and the betrayel that kept me awake at night. It would mean he hadn't left me to deal with his repercussions, that maybe there was a valid excuse. An undiagnosed brain tumor that finally gave way to insanity, a gun to his head. Something that was not the worst case scenario of just... being an awful person. I could let his things rest around the house undisturbed, hiding from the world and waiting to find the courage to join him one day and living in denial in the meantime. What the fuck was all of this?
"I couldn't tell you," he keeps saying. "It was better if you knew nothing until I was sure I could come get you."
"Why didn't you just take me with you from the start?" I ask. I've been pacing the floor for the past twenty minutes ever since he showed up. It was better than throwing every breakable object in the cheap, worn down shack of a house at him, which was my second instinct. My first was to pull him into my arms, draw the curtains shut and hide him away so that he'll never leave again. Like an idiot.
He laughs bitterly. "You would not be asking that if you knew what the fuck I went through," he says. His words sound like they should be angry, but there's this lightness to them like he can't let himself think too much about it. It just makes me angrier.
"Don't fucking laugh!" I snap. "Do you think any of this is funny?"
"I think you're funny when you're mad," he deflects, smiling. "You got this whole routine. Pacing, nose twitching. I like the Shirley Temple stomps, like you're a kid."
I groan loudly, the noise almost sounding like a low scream in my throat.
"You owed money to fucking- who?" I yell.
"The details don't matter-"
"When I have been grieving your death for nine months, they fucking matter!" I snap. His brows furrow, his hands mid air as if to say 'the fuck did I do?'
"You know me, okay? I don't get caught," he says as though it were obvious.
"I know fucking nothing!" I practically scream.
When we met he was just a guy at a bar, handsome, wearing that same ridiculous jacket that I couldn't help but stroke the white fluff on, tequila running through my veins.
"Can I help you?" He asked, smirking.
"Just wanted to see what it felt like," I said.
"Wanna feel something else?" He asked, his chin resting on his head.
"Oh, fucking gross. Fuck o-"
"I was talking about this," he said, whipping out his keys to show off an odd, weirdly shaped keychain with short, stiff fuzz. "Don't call me a pervert just cause you're one."
He was smiling. It was an easy smile. Careless, happy with life. I loved that smile. It meant things were always alright as long as he was smiling.
He was smiling on the photo they used for the manhunt.
We'd danced the whole night. He didn't know hardly any of the songs, causing him to be off beat. I was too drunk to keep time, so I stepped on his leather boots enough times there was a visible scuff on the top of one by the end of the night. I always felt bad, offering to replace or help pay to fix it. He wouldn't let me.
"They're a keepsake," he'd insist. "A living memory." He wore them everyday.
He's wearing sneakers, today.
At the end of the night, I stumbled out of the bar with a note in my coat pocket. It took two weeks for me to wear that coat again, and when I found the slip I'd almost thrown it away, assuming it was something dumb. But when I saw the worst handwriting in the world displaying a number belonging to someone named 'Keychain Guy,' I almost couldn't wait to call.
"Bullshit," Billy snaps. "You know me better than anyone."
"Don't say that," I say, putting a hand out protectively to keep him away. "That's exactly why everyone thinks I was just fine with that whole- fucked up thing!"
A gas station burned. A stolen vehicle. People were dead. People were dead.
Billy was presumed dead.
There was no funeral. He had no family, and none of mine wanted to put money into something that would be protested by the whole town anyways. No body to bury, nothing to do but gather up his things and smoke what remained in his stash until people came to nurse me back to life. By that point there wasn't even relief in drugs. The taste simply reminded me of better times cooking in the kitchen as we blew the smoke into each others faces, or worse. Better. Whatever.
I never questioned when Billy went out of town. I knew his work had details I didn't want nor need to know. Money was tight. But Billy always came home with little things whenever he went on unexpected trips. Knick knacks, snacks, some item I'd seen at the store and picked up to make a comment about. Had he been particularly forthcoming about his dealing when we started dating? No. He said he worked for a local small business, which technically isn't untrue. But about six months in, he was the one who approached me and sat me down at the small, rickty round table to tell me the truth. And that's what mattered to me. The economy is shit and it's not like it was meth, so who am I to judge?
About a year into it, I was begging for him to do something else.
"I don't like you disappearing," I told him. "I'm scared one day you're gonna piss someone off and that'll be the end. Then what am I gonna do?"
"Then you're gonna make sure they don't fuck up my face during the embalming process for the funeral," Billy said around his hand rolled cigarette. I whip the small dish towel at him, making him laugh and protect his small ashtray that I made him for Christmas the year prior. It was shitty, uneven, and I'm 99% sure a fire hazard. But he wouldn't use any other ones unless I was the one who bought them for him, and even then he favored this one. 'When this place goes up in flames,' I thought, 'I'll regret that gift.'
I'd kept it by the kitchen window every day since he'd died. "Died." It was his spot.
He moves to sit there now, looking in his pockets for the small box of prerolled cigarettes.
"People know you weren't involved," he says dismissively.
"Your friends know. What about the old ladies at church? The checkout clerks at the store? How about the fucking mailman?" I shout, convinced I'm still talking to the dead. "You think they know the ins and outs of the local psychos support group?" I ask, gesturing and stepping closer.
I was the local outcast now. Not to be trusted, not worth kindness. Shame was my title, and when Billy appeared on my doorstep at an hour where only I was awake I was sure I'd caught the same awful disease that must have been what sent him spiraling that winter day. It wasn't until he pushed the door open fully, taking me into his arms and pressing a warm kiss to my lips that I knew he was real. It was a feeling I was in the early stages of forgetting, blurry and cold. But here he was, the stubble on his chin a bit longer and his ears missing the small hoops that had glittered in the sunlight when he walked out the door.
Then I'd pushed him away. And the fight began.
"I'm not a fucking psycho," he argues. His hands pat around his outfit, searching. "You got a lighter?"
"Fuck off." I kept his favorite in my left pocket. I had to be careful what things of his I wore or kept on my person. People close to me knew I would have never condoned his actions, but even they had glared at me in the early wake of Billy's death when I dared to wear one of his shirts out of the house, or more commonly one of his thick leather jackets. But a lighter can be hidden, and unless you had borrowed it you wouldn't know it had specifically been his. So I kept it with me all the time, just feeling it next to my skin with the only barrier being the fabric of my pocket. Without a thought, I cover the small item as though he can see right through me. Picking up on the hint, he's rises from the table and begins walking over to me.
"Don't be a dick, just let me borrow it," he says, holding out his hand.
"Fuck off," I snap.
"You've said that. I just need it for two seconds," he says as his hands begin to gently grab at me, one on my shoulder and the other dipping into my pocket.
"Get the fuck off of me!" I yell, slapping at him.
"Just let me have-"
He cuts himself off as he pulls out the lighter from my pocket, his thumb grazing over the printed picture. The Statue of David. He'd bought because it made us laugh. One side was the regular statue, the other a close up of its small genitals with cursive writing underneath spelling the art piece's name.
"Oh," Billy says quietly.
We stand for a moment, silent. He doesn't seem sure what to do. My lungs burn with unheaved sobs. I fucking hate this.
"You were gonna come back," I finally say quietly. I hate how my voice sounds when I'm upset. I hate that I'm wearing his dogtag, an item he'd bought at a World War II museum in middle school that he gave me for our first Christmas because we were both too broke to actually buy each other anything, hence the poorly made ashtray. I hate that when I sleep at night it's in his clothes that I rarely wash because the idea of losing his smell makes me want to scream. I hate that his scent is different from the bottle of cologne he kept next to my makeup, one time spilling all over the entire bathroom counter because we'd gotten too wrapped up in each other, dragging our nails down each others backs and watching ourselves in the mirror until one wrong move of my hand revealed he'd been a bit too careless about screwing the lid back on earlier in the day. I'd always warned him about that.
I'd been in the bathroom putting on my permanently scented blush when I got the text.
"I was going to," he said softly. "Then I couldn't."
"So what?" I say, not daring to turn and face him, choosing instead to stare at where the cheap, old wood paneling of the wall meets the shaggy, stained carpet that you have to wear shoes on due to the staples that have begun sticking out of it. "You just propose to someone and then pretend to die?"
Valentines Day was an awfully cheesy day to do it. So it's a good thing it was a technicality.
The day had been lovely. Billy had saved up a little to take me to a local hibachi place, telling me to wear my best outfit and jewelry. It was slightly overkill, but it's the small things in life, isn't it?
We'd come home with a bottle of wine, a low budget movie to ignore and hands searching desperately for each other.
"I love you," he'd said between pants. "You're mine."
"Buy a ring," I'd dared. Our minds were buzzed, the bottle half empty and our clothes thrown away without care. Took me weeks to find his both of his socks.
I hadn't meant for him to take it seriously. But I guess he decided it was time.
Two days later I thought it was odd when he walked into the house with my favorite lunch. It wasn't expensive really, we just usually got it for special occasions or days that had been mentally harder for me. And things were normal that day. I was getting ready for my shift, running around like I always do trying to make sure I've got everything.
"Your coffee's in the cup, will you just sit down?" He laughed, watching me. I quickly collected the take out box, sipping my coffee and wincing over its temperature.
"Fuck, that burns," I cursed. He wrapped his arms around me, trying to get me to sit at the table. "Baby, I can't," I protested softly, but I was laughing. He was peppering me in kisses, giving me those big puppy dog eyes everyone knew were my weakness. He wanted for nothing so long as he looked at me just like that.
"Just this once," he asked, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I couldn't help the blush and giggle that rose from me, but I also couldn't be late.
"I'll make up for it," I promised, slipping away and running into the bedroom to get my shoes. When I ran back in, pulling them on and coming to kiss him goodbye, I nearly fell over when I saw him on one knee, smiling and looking at me like 'I told you so.'
I don't like how itchy the ring feels on my middle finger as I twirl it in thought.
"You don't know what happened," he pleaded, his hands still on me. "If you would just listen to me-"
"The news gave a pretty good description, William. I don't think there's missing pieces in my head, unlike you," I say coldly, detaching from myself so to not have to deal with my emotions. This makes him stiffen, pulling away and resuming his place at the kitchen table, lighting his cigarette and placing the ashtray in front of him like nothing has changed when everything has.
It feels like I'm out of time. Like I've been shoved into a picture of what my life looked like before. Except the house was never this clean, clothes always scattered about. Not just in a fit of passion, we just had bad habits when it came to picking up. Billy would always say the chairs are more decorations then they are seats, anyways. "Why would you use those when you have such a nice seat here?" He'd ask, wiggling his hips and placing his hands behind his head, making me laugh.
Billy never looked so well put together in the house, usually in a wife beater and his hair framing his face. He'd always joked he looked like a dirty hippie around me, and I'd always show him how much I liked that. Not that he looked fantastic now. When we went out he was known for putting in effort. He always had more hair products than me, which I found funny. Though he refused makeup. Once I'd managed to talk him into eyeliner. 'Guyliner' I'd teased. He liked it, but said it should stay between us with a wink before asking where to get dinner. Now he sits before me in clothes obviously stolen to help him look unremarkable, his hair shaggy and uncut, so different from the man I loved.
"Who are you?" I asked him. That man didn't shrink away from accountability.
He sighed, smoke swirling around him as he wipes his face with his hand.
"I don't know. Can't tell if I'm better or worse, to be honest," he admits softly. His eyes look haunted, heavy bags underneath. It's the way his shoulders sag as though his will to go on is slowly draining from him in this very moment that makes me want to break now. Like whatever reason he had for still going was fruitless.
I didn't like the way we mirrored each other like this.
I slowly scuff my feet towards him, tapping my fingers against the back of the wooden chair before pulling it out to sit across from him. It's a start.
"So if you tell me," I say slowly. "Am I going to wish you were dead?"
He doesn't look at me. "I don't know."
Great.
The night is long. Morning comes without an invitation, the blue sky beginning to glow through the shitty blinders I always told Billy we should replace one day. I understand less than when we started, we've both cried more than once, and between our fingers is cigarette stubs and the feeling of each others skin, hands laced together as though another click of an old remote to an outdated TV with batteries you had to rub against your shirt to make work would reveal the smouldering remains of a gas station, displaying the estimated body count and deeming one of us as a devil of the worst kind, ripping us apart.
"Jesus," I say when it's over.
"Yeah," he says. "So, needless to say, my anxiety is shit now."
It isn't funny. It's a tragic statement. But when we both glance into the others eyes, it's his small little smirk that makes me laugh like I haven't since my mother sent me the local news report with his picture covering the front page. The same one that shows everything is still okay.
"I'm sorry," I say. Then the laughing turns into sobbing, and then I can't breathe. And I really am sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't help him. I'm sorry he went out on a romantic whim and borrowed money he shouldn't have for the ring I was too ashamed to wear on the proper finger. I'm sorry he couldn't come back for me. And I'm sorry for hating him when he showed up unannounced at my door.
"Hey," he says gently, standing and crossing to me, removing his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders to comfort me. It's unfamiliar, evidence of a life he wouldn't have led if he had just stayed by me and it upsets me, but his lips against my wet cheeks ground me, familiar and soothing me, coaxing me into wrapping my arms around him, clawing my trembling fingers through his hair. Still soft. Still combed.
"You can't stay here," I choke out.
"I know," he says quietly. There's nothing for a long time, our bodies shaking as we cling to each other. In our arms are the unspoken months of grief. Of his longing for our home, of my insanity. Death looms over the furniture, light hidden away lest it take away my sacred treasures I'd used to keep his spirit close to me.
"I can't lose you again," I say.
"I know," he says, smelling my hair and placing a soft kiss on top of my head. "But I can't promise stability if you follow me."
My brows furrow, my mind racing in confusion, my hopes rising. Follow?
"I know a guy," he says quickly, his arms tighter as if scared I'll turn away. "Says he can get me a new identity and a one way ticket to somewhere. I don't know where yet, but it's worth a try."
My fingers trace his back, swirling invisible patterns over his shirt. He'd always liked that after a rough day. I can feel the tension begin to slowly fall away from him at the contact, his breathing growing deeper and more steady. "And you want me to come?"
"Need," he corrects. "I don't regret leaving you, but I can't stay away. Even if it's more kind to let you mourn and find a better life."
A new life. A new identity. New name, new everything.
Maybe I am insane. Maybe this exactly the kind of mental break Billy had that day. Maybe I was doomed to follow his spirit no matter what. Maybe this is a second chance. Maybe God had granted me a mercy I'll never be able to repay, no matter how many night I spend in worship at a church or between this man's legs. Maybe I'd spend every day looking over my shoulder, paranoid and eventually turning cruel to strangers so to keep this one person everyone told me to let go of from the very beginning.
But the same Billy.
"Can he do a marriage license?" I ask after a long silence. I can hear him laugh, pulling away to look at me.
"That eager?" He asks softly, his eyes gentle, thumb stroking my cheek. I lean into his touch, softly placing a kiss on his palm.
▪︎》◇《▪︎
"Well," I say, "I already have the ring."
Masterlist
As cute as this was, please have better standards than the Reader I wrote in this fic. No man is worth that. I am DEADASS. Anyways, love y'all <3
#josh hutcherson#josh hutcherson x reader#josh hutcherson fanfic#josh hutcherson x you#jhutch#billy burn#billy burn x you#billy burn x reader#billy burn 2019#burn 2019#burn movie 2019#billy x reader
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You and Eddie are like parents to Dustin
A/N: I wrote this a couple minutes ago, I have not been okay since volume 2 soooo, here is this I feel like is very cute and fuzzy. I also suck at head cannons sooo yeah, I also have one fir I wrote, but idk if I'm gonna post it, lol enough of me, enjoy this little thing I wrote!
part 2
Before meeting Eddie you were close to Dustin and made sure he was always okay.
You gave him rides to school almost always, along with Lucas, Max, and Mike.
You were kinda the momma first before babysitter Steve got in the picture.
You ensured they always had food to eat or money for that matter.
You gave your money away like it was candy.
Overall you kinda just looked out for everyone
Dustin kinda introduced you to his dungeon master
“y/n this is eddie, eddie this is y/n,”
“Hi, wow Henderson you didn't tell me she was gorgeous,”
Which then started your relationship
Dustin was very supportive knowing his role models were together
“Can one of you give me a ride home?”
“Yes” you both said making the boys laugh
You two would eventually come up with a system, you would take the kiddos to school, and eddie took them home after school
Along with steve you all worked something out
You would help Dustin with his homework all the time when he asked.
You and eddie giving each other looks if dustin asked for help of any kind
You usually are the one who knows what to say
“Dustin, you really should talk to your mom about this,”
“I AM, my mom and dad are right here!”
“Shit, he's right,”
You two tried your best to always be there for dustin
Dustin loved it when you ganged up on Eddie for saying the wrong thing.
“Eddie he is a kid, Dustin don't listen to him,”
“What do you mean? I'm giving him options,”
“Not suitable for a 14 year old boy!”
You were almost always right but in the end Eddie had good advice.
With girls he always went to you for help, almost always
This drove Eddie crazy
“He goes to you for chick advice?”
When you guys go upside down, you two become protective as hell.
“Dustin, you stay behind us okay?”
When Eddie had left you behind at his trailer in Hawkins, you warned Dustin that if you saw him in the upside down following her he would be in trouble. So he stayed behind hoping both his parents were making it out alive.
Lucky you did, you guys escaped, but defeating vecna was harder than you thought.
After all the events, you guys ended up graduating, and Eddie's name was cleared up.
All of you had vouched for him, saying he saved you guys from the earthquake,despite all the allegations people made of him.
Dustin was proud of you guys, for finally graduating, but he knew his parents were eventually going to leave him
Eventually you guys were, after a while of staying in Hawkins, you both decided to move away. Eddie wanted a life with you but not in Hawkins.
For Dustin this hurt
“You can come visit us Dustin, its okay, it’s 40 minutes away, if you want, we can pick you up, and bring you back, that way we can see everyone again,”
Once everything settled you invited Dustin every weekend along with his friends so they could see their dungeon master and play d&d.
It made you happy seeing them again, you knew they needed this.
After much time, you and Eddie got married, telling everyone was the best part and of course..the wedding.
You guys had gone to Hawkins to visit for the weekend and during dinner at Nancy's
“So we have a surprise for all of you,”
“We're getting married!”
Eddie lifted your hand up to show them the ring which happens to be his, and you loved it more than anything
“Congratulations!”
“When's the wedding?”
“Can I be the best man?”
All the congratulations came from all of them, especially Dustin, he gave you guys a big hug.
“My parents are getting married,”
“Yes, and Henderson, I want you to be my best man, Steve, Wheeler, Sinclair, you are gonna be my groomsmen!”
Your maid of honor was robin knowing she hated the idea of wearing a dress, but you surprised her in what she was going to wear, nancy, max, and erica were your bridesmaids.
The day of your wedding Dustin was crying like crazy, he was just so happy. You two truly were the best parents he ever had.
He loved his mom of course, but these parents he had were different.
Soon enough you family grows just a little
You two were expecting a baby boy in a couple months, Eddie wasted no time in wanting to grow your family and neither did you.
You told Dustin first of course
“So we have something to tell you dustin, which is why we brought you alone with us,”
“Okay, you're not gonna mirder me are you?”
“No henderson, since you are our firstborn child, we want you to have someone to.. you know save the world, you're gonna have a baby brother!”
“No…really? I'M GONNA BE A BIG BROTHER, can you name him Dart?”
“After that demadog? Hell no!”
Dustin spent so much time with you whenever Eddie was gone for work, you two had been working so much with the baby coming.
So when you were far along that you couldn't move as much due to your baby bump you stayed home.
“Have you thought of a name?”
“Yeah, we have, but eddie is very indecisive, as you know,”
“What about..Dustin?”
“Yeah no chance dusty,”
He would talk to baby munson all the time, talking about Eddie and how he saved the world and how he was the dungeon master.
Whenever those two were together they would talk about how they would teach your baby to play d&d.
“We have to start him now, so he is at a higher level then the other kids!”
When your baby was born everyone had come to see your little one.
“Guys, come in, don't be shy '' Eddie had brought everyone in as you held onto your baby boy.
His name was Johnny, Johnny Munson, you loved the sound of it, but Eddie wasn't sure if he should continue the family name, but you more than anyone was proud of that last name.
“Oh my gosh, who knew you could make cute babies?” Robin said very astounded at the little baby then back at eddie
“Munson, you did good. Congrats,'' Steve said, getting a grin from Eddie.
“Don't you worry big boy, you will have your six nuggets in no time, i just beat you to it,”
Everyone had left and Dustin was the only one standing, he was scared because the baby he was talking to through your belly was now here and worried Johnny wouldn't like him, but you knew more than anything Johnny would love Dustin just as much as you and Eddie did.
“Dustin. Come here.”
He was quite hesitant but was excited to meet yours and eddie’s kid
He sat next to you on the bed as you handed johnny to him, “this here is your older brother dustin, johnny,”
Dustin just stared at the little mix of you and eddie, “hi, im dustin, im hopeful you already knew that,”
Dustin looked at you then at his little brother
He talked on and one just like when he would when you and him hung out.
He smiled so hard he couldn't believe he was a big brother.
“You guys aren't from the same family, but he is your big brother, we don't know what lead him to choose me and your dad as his parents, but we’re happy he did,”
*hope you enjoyed if you have any requests please send them through! I have nothing to do, so yeah haha love you all! :)
#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson#Eddie munson x reader#stranger thing s4#eddie munson st4#eddie munson blurb#stranger things season 4
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hey I'm so so sorry but can you make nifty reader a female? I'm so so sorry I didn't clarify 😭 you don't have to at all I'm so so sorry
🍡
Menace Ahoy (Whitebeard pirates x f!child!reader)
A/N Absolutely no problem! Thank you for asking!
Talking about this post with male!reader
Reader here is replaced by Dokucha as a placeholder which means Reader in japanese
Dividers by @/saradika
“You lost her?!”
“The hell do you mean me?! You were also supposed to keep an eye on her!”
“That’s enough the both of you! Right now, we need to focus on finding her before she sneaks into the kitchen or the training areas.” The first-man yelled, scolding his crewmates
“I swear I had her by my side a few seconds ago. I just I blinked, and just like that, gone! It’s like she just up and vanished!” Ace said desperately, looking around
“That’s why you can’t take your eyes off her; she is quick like that,” mutters Vista, thinking of where the little menace could have run off to now
“She wouldn’t get off the ship, would she?” He questions
“Unlikely, she will only get down once she sees one of us has deboarded, and despite looking for trouble, she won’t leave our side unless we tell her she can,” Izou pipes in
Their discussion is quickly cut short as two voices join their conversation
“What have I told you about sneaking into the kitchen?” Thatch grumbles, holding a girl by the scruff of her shirt walking closer to the men
“But it was a mess! I needed to clean the mess up!” She fusses, looking up at the chef
“No, uh, Kitchen is a big No, No, don’t trust you not to steal one of my knives again.”
“It was dirty; I need to go back and clean it; I need to make sure it’s clean, so much mess, I need to clean it,” she rambled on as she began to spiral on the thought of the kitchen and all the tools and areas that needed to be cleaned up
“Hey, Hey, I get you want to clean, but you can’t just barge in and start cleaning; you could get badly hurt if you touched one of the hot surfaces. Please don’t go back in there without one of us,” He said, lowering the child to the ground
“Just don’t sneak in there again, got it?”
“Sorrey”
“It’s okay; I'm not mad at you. I'm just worried you could get badly hurt. How about you come to ask me first, and I‘ll let you know if I help clean?”
She grins, nodding excitedly
“Okay!”
“Hey, Dokucha, are you coming with us?” Called Vista; Marco and Izou already waiting for the pair at the port
“Yeah!” She exclaimed, running her way but skidding to a stop and looking at the two behind him
“Are you not coming?” She asked, looking at Thatch and Ace
“I’ll stay here; I have some things to attend to in the kitchen,” Thatch replies; he takes a moment to sigh and rub his head
“Someone has to keep this idiot some company,” quips Ace with a grin, only to groan as his comment was received with a hit on the back of the head
“What the hell, Thatch?!”
She snickers at her brothers' antics and resumes running her way to Vista, joining her as they go down the gangway
“Where are we going?”
Marco looks back at the two
“I need to refill some of the medical supplies; after that, we need to stack up on drinks,” Marco answered, looking down at the list he held in his hands
She jumps her way to Marco, hanging from his shoulder to take a look at the note
“What’s gunpowder? And what the hell is whetstone?” the girl asked, squinting at the words in the note
“Language,” muttered Marco, giving a side eye to the kid on his shoulder
“Whetstones are used to sharpen swords, Dokucha; I need it to sharpen my swords; the one we have has grown dull,” Vista answered
“Hehehehe, Can I have the swords when you sharpen them?”
“Certainly not.”
“Just for a little bit, just want to test them; how do you know if they go through the skin if you don’t try it?” She grinned, a maniacal look growing in her eyes
“Who are you trying this on?!”
“I can find people to stab real quick; you won’t miss them.”
“No”
“I can use the blood of our enemies.”
“Still no.”
“Bah, what about gunpowder?”
“It’s used for firing weapons like my pistols,” Izou replied, showing the kid his pistols as he said that
“No.”
“Din’t even ask!”
“Don’t need to; you wouldn’t be allowed.”
“Ugh, party poopers,” she whined, sticking her tongue at the two
They roll their eyes at her antics, a chuckle escaping Vista as he shakes his head
“You’re quite something, Dokucha,” Marco stated, putting the note away and beginning to make his way into town
“I wouldn’t trust you with a wea- Agh!” His words were cut off as one of the locals knocked into him, causing him to stumble slightly in surprise
“Watch where you’re walking, dumbass,” they growl, continuing their way deeper into town
“…”
“Stab, Stab?” She said, not taking her eyes off the person as they walked away, an ominous-looking smile growing on her face
“Leave them,” Marco groaned, brushing himself off
“But they deserve it to have their blood splattered!”
“They are not worth it,” Vista sighed, shaking his head
“It’s fine. Let them have their rude ways; they hardly deserve any of your attention,” Izou added
“Don’t let people like that bother you, Dokucha; people like that enjoy pushing people around. It’s best not to waste your time with them,” Vista finished
“They were rude; come on, just one stab! I’ll make the prettiest painting with their blood.”
“No”
“No one will mis-
“Absolutely not”
Everyone would be hap-
“Just drop it.”
“Come o-
The three stated their answers firmly, all three sharing a similar tone that told him there was no room for discussion
“Party poopers”
Again thank you for asking nicely, I have no problem publishing a piece again with the pronouns changed for you guys as long as you guys asked nicely! So don’t be afraid to ask, it’s an easy fix!
Taglist:
@imaginarydreams
@amethystviolin
@h0n3y-l3m0n05
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece imagine#one piece fluff#one piece x child!reader#ace x y/n#portgas ace x reader#thatch x child!reader#thatch x reader#izou x reader#izou one piece#marco x reader#marco x you#marco the phoenix x reader#marco the phoenix#marco the pineapple#vista x reader#vista#oc x portgas d ace#portgas d ace x child!reader#portgas ace x you
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Could you please do a follow up to the post you did of Bi-Han yelling at you making you flinch and cry where after Bi-Han made you cry you decide to completely ignore him where you don't talk to him or make eye contact, you leave the room whenever he enters the room, you don't cook for him anymore, don't take baths with him or give him massages and you even start to sleep in separate bedrooms for several weeks now. Bi-Han immediately recognizes that he fucked up bad by getting mad at you when you were only trying to help him so he corners you before you leave the bedroom and tries to forcefully get you to notice by saying something to him even if it's to say hurtful things to him which you don't even do so then he tries to kiss you but you turn your head and even try to push him away from you aggressively and slaps him hard across the face which stuns him long enough for you to run out of the room. Bi-Han eventually comes to his senses and realizes that you don't love him anymore and he breaks down crying in his sleep until he feels the bed dip and arms wrapped around his body bringing his head to your chest where he continues to cry more constantly apologizing to you and asking for your forgiveness. I got inspired by an old episode of the Simpsons where Marge completely ignored Bart after discovering he got caught shoplifting and I wanted to see how you write the scenario since your writing is excellent.
You’re too kind Tehe
Ignoring Bi-Han and making HIM cry (^_-)☆ (how silly)
Thank you so much for the Specific request, it helps me a lot when thinking of how to put things into words <3 ^.^ (and for the compliment, I'll be giddy for weeks ♡)
I made you a nurse again, I’m sorry, it’s just instinct 😔
Also this one is longer than my other ones, so yahoo for me !!
Tw-mental stuff, crying, loneliness, rotting Bi-Han
Bi-Han has been even more stressed out ever since you’re breakdown- because you’ve made sure to take your help out of things. You don’t make him little snacks anymore, not that he ate them but he would eat about anything you touched right now. You don’t bathe with him, making sure he properly took care of himself despite his schedule. Now he starts to find little knots in his hair, and his skin doesn’t feel as nice or clean. His back is filled with knots and is chronically hurting without you offering to give him massages anymore. You don’t even look at him- he didn’t mean to yell, he just..well he didn’t know why he did it either.
He has trouble sleeping after you stopped sleeping in the same bed as him. Sometimes he uses your pillow instead of his because it feels more intimate- something that you would do. He just feels sad and tired, like how you felt. He wanted to fix everything with you when he had the time... He would even move all your stuff back to his room and make breaks so you could have time alone together. He would do a lot right now, but he’s too busy to tell you he misses you and wants you. He doesn’t have time to be the man you need, but he’ll try if that means you’ll stay in the same room with him.
He finds you walking into where Lin Kuei keeps the medical supplies, so he takes his chance to tell you how he misses you- and he wants to give you a genuine apology. But when he corners you you freak out. Telling him to leave you alone, that you don’t want to talk or be near him..? He didn’t do anything that bad, why won’t you just talk to him...
‘Leave me alone, we’re not together, there is nothing between us.’
‘Listen to reason, I beg of you to reconsider. I miss you. Please come back to our room…’ you don’t move, and you look docile enough to move towards. He cups your face, he didn’t realize he leaned in until you pushed him away and ran out of the room. Oh, okay..
This does not make him stop, as he continues to try to re-court you into a relationship. But he can’t, you won’t let him. He’s in his bathroom now, sobbing as he tries to recreate the bath you used to make for him. He knows you used bath salts, and some oil or something… but he doesn’t think it feels as relaxing compared as when you do it- nor does it smell as good. He finishes his bath and dresses in the pajamas you said would help him sleep better, this is the first time he’s tried them out. He wishes he listened to you better, they are quite nice.
He lays in his bed as he cries into your old pillow, it doesn’t smell like you anymore. It just smells like swear and tears- his sweat and tears. He curls into the fetal position and shakes hard, his breath is coming out in harsh, jagged, moments. He almost doesn’t hear the knock at the door, but it’s persistent and hard.
He wasn’t going to open the door until you asked him to, he didn’t want to make you reconsider your visit. He opens the door only slightly before going back to sitting on his bed. You walk in and close the door behind you.
‘You look a mess..’ you say this to lighten the mood, but also out of worry. You wipe away some tears and lean your head against his shoulder.
‘I’m not mad at you by the way…’ you whisper, then he breaks down again. He didn’t mean to, he never means to.
‘Shh..it’s okay..’ you’re laying down with him now, his head is held close to your chest. He knows he’s holding you tight, but he’s scared, he’s scared to let go.
He falls asleep like that, close to you. He missed you
#mortal kombat x reader#bi han#bihan#mk1 bi han#mortal kombat#bi han x reader#angst#mk1 angst#mortal kombat bi han#comfort
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Aziraphale and Trauma
[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]
This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.
See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!
Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.
There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.
But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.
Abuse victims are often manipulative.
I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.
Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.
What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.
A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.
https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."
In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).
So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.
We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.
His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.
The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.
This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.
Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.
The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.
A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.
There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.
Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.
That brings us back to this apology scene.
There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.
Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.
Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.
These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.
I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.
#Aziraphale#Good Omens#Good Omens Meta#good omens s2#aziraphale meta#crowley x arizaphale#CPTSD discussion
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