#i have been having. such a bad sad last few days and im actually SO angry about how miserable ive been feeling that i decided
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quick n easy list of gentle coping mechanisms for bad mental health days / neurodivergent understimulation episodes!! some are more applicable to one or the other but when i'm feeling particularly like a tiger in a too-small enclosure i find doing at least a couple of these things helps me so much
drink water. basic, but annoyingly effective
eat a snack. same as above
stretch! even just some laying down stretches like pulling on your arms and knees (in fact, here's a great tiktok series for "depression stretches" and workouts/physical stimulation you can do laying down/without much movement)
music/podcasts/video essays. your favorite playlist you haven't listened to in a while, a podcast you like/have been meaning to start (i listen to podcasts while i'm drawing!)
draw/color! if you don't wanna draw, a coloring book is always fun. i actually prefer kids' ones.
read a book. i prefer physical books bc i know i'll get sucked back into the social media scrolling for hours if i try to read on my phone. i also recommend a nice tea/hot chocolate/juice with this one.
video games. this can be anything from minecraft to destiny 2, but i usually never give myself time for these, even when i have it (stuck in that phone scrolling). a more action-packed game for mental understimulation, maybe a more mellow one for a bad depression episode.
shower. i am fully aware this tends to take a lot of spoons but even just sitting under running water ALWAYS makes me feel better when i can manage it. it also helps me with adhd overstimulation!
clean/organize. this sounds counterintuitive but i actually do enjoy organizing stuff for understimulation, and cleaner workspaces help with the depression. even if it's something as simple as "put all the pencils on the desk back into the pencil cup."
puzzles/brain games. this one is almost exclusively for mental understimulation but once i get going it makes my depression SO MUCH BETTER, TOO. my niche is getting myself some algebra sheets but this can be anything from math to jigsaws to crosswords to word searches!! some kind of problem solving that engages your brain and requires focus. this one is my favorite because i find it really grounding.
playing an instrument. this is in the same vein as the last one! again, my personal niche is the piano, but this could be any sort of thing. in fact this could even be substituted for some kind of alt hobby all together, like knitting or crocheting or something! again, mostly for understimulation, but gives me the serotonin boost to get through the depression stuff as well.
this is all i have for my list, but i'd love for anyone to reblog and add their own stuff!!
#mine#long post#mental health#mental illness#adhd#adhd resources#neurodivergent#neurodivergent resources#i have been having. such a bad sad last few days and im actually SO angry about how miserable ive been feeling that i decided#to make this whole list for myself and hang it up on my desk just so i have something to do besides the endless social media/tv scrolling#and i hope this helps someone!!!!! i would really appreciate if you guys would reblog this#no pressure or anything but. if it helps
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i fear that the undercover top secret government assassins are growing on me (cp9)
#I HAD ZERO THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM AT FIRST#IN FACT I WAS DEVASTATED THAT THE WATER 7 QUARTET WERE ACTUALLY CP9#BUT THEN??????? I READ CP9'S INDEPENDENT REPORT AND. I!?!??!?@?!?#the thoughts are endless ive been having one piece dreams every night for the past few days and they have all been cp9 related the brainrot#is so bad. i am sodgjkadhg#i love one piece there are so many characters with each new arc i get to i get some new characters to obsess over i love it i feel so alive#ive been fighting tooth and nail avoiding spoilers for the latest episode BUT GOD IM SO SO TEMPTED TO. TAKE A PEEK#anyways last night i was once again doing a wiki deep dive and i found some silly things on cp9's pages#JABRA AND LUCCI ARE THE SAME HEIGHT!!!!! THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY#CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?!?! the kid you've had beef with since he was 13 (maybe even earlier since lucci alreayd knew him when he was 6) who you#used to have a whole head over is now at eye level with you i would actually be so embarrased#KAKU IS FROM EAST BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS OS IMPORTANT ACTUALLY!! THE MOST IMPORATNT FACT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!#so he knows the strawhats are...also from the east blue right?!? right??????! and ik the wg steals these kids early on to train them so i#doubt he has lingering attachments to his home sea but i still think this so both so so sad and so important :'((#also not getting over how oda's depiction of tiny kaku has him holding a toy boat BC ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?! ARE YOU K IDDING ME#kalifa and jabra's favourite dishes are both lamb based!!!!!!!!! silly because her animal motif is a sheep haha#BUT ALSO considering how her father was also cp9 and she's probably been conditioned since birth to also follow his footsteps and how jabra#holds seniority in the current lineup id like to think that these two have known each other a very long time and there were influences#the most dysfunctional fcked up family ever. cp9#blueno and jabra are both from the north blue!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that one falshbakc we see that the two of them plus 6year old lucci trained#together but also it would be so fcked up if the two actually knew of each other before being roped into the governemnt#idk how the wg works do they just??? routinely scout around and pick up a bunch of kids ata time???? were jabra and blueno taken together??#also wondering if ... kalifa jabra and kumadori knew each other the longest as fellow agents or soemthing#i feel like im entertaining a gazillion thoughts all at once its so hard ot balance but we know both kalifa nad kumadori have#parents in the governemnt/assassin profession that also influenced them right#idk maybe one thing they can bond over#cp9 to me is just a fucked up family of some sort. they are not found family they are like some weird forged family where they were all#forced together and somehow made it work and they all love lucci and care for his wellbeing enough to raise all that money to get him to a#doctor and they cared about each other enough to get off enies lobby together without leaving anyone behind and they went cafe hopping and#shopping and bowling together and they all care for each other in their own way
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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Ugh
#im going to ramble in these tags for a bit so that the potentially triggering tags#are located way way way down and no one will look at them i just#so uh yeah hows the weather anyone else having insane sinus drainage#i actually had a patient call me today worried because her nose was running and her head hurt and im like#well if it isnt getting worse and its only been a few days and you have no other symptoms you probs have sinus issues like everyone else#in this state but if youre super worried and antihistamines dont help please contact your doctor i appreciate your faith in a pharmacist#being able to diagnose over the phone but i actually legally cannot do that#are these tags long enough yet#possibly but who knows anyway if youre here uhhh tw animal death ahead#im a petsitter and have been for like. 10 years now and i share sits with my mom sometimes bc i work full time and cant always get there#anyway at one of our shared sits today she went in and one of the little cats was just#suddenly dead. like she wasnt that old and yet she was just. stiff and gone and we're both just so fucked up over it#like i wish there had been some sign and we could have saved her even though it was likely an unfixable heart defect#and her people apparently had taken her to the vet LAST WEEK and didnt bother to tell us that she seemed to be feeling poorly last week#and theyre just like oh we'll get a new cat when we come back#meanwhile my ocd has been going insane since then bc i have really bad intrusive thoughts centering on keeping my cats alive#like half of my rituals are specifically for my cats#and i just keep think about poor sammie dying alone and scared bc we werent there with her and her people had been gone since friday#and it just makes me so fucking sad my heart is breaking but i cant stop thinking about it and no distractions are working#rip sammie you were such a sweet little cat and im so sorry you had to go alone and scared
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I just get so tired of waking up every day and having to claw my way up to some emotional baseline
#but really what choice do I have#just not wake up? not the healthiest option#probably need to up my meds#I just feel so defeated living each day like this#bleggghhh#so I take a small handful of pills and vitamins and drink my little coffee and chug water and try try try to distract myself#wining. whinging and wining and bitching and moaning.#what would my therapist suggest? try focusing on what’s real and logical and rational. not feelings and emotions?#but I just can’t always be logical with fucking chemicals in my brain#I can’t outthink chemicals or the days when my hearing gets real bad or even when I just don’t feel too fucking good my dude#try to focus on the good parts of tinnitus and bug hurty tummy ya butthole#okay he’s not a butthole he’s actually very very nice and has been very patient with me#but just let me be negative about this for a minute jeez#I’m so fucking grumpy these last few days#trying to… ugh I guess eat my feelings? I hate that phrase and I’m not over eating#but I have been I guess STRATEGICALLY EATING things I hope would temporarily boost my mood. sugary stuff. caffeine. junk.#god I wish I just had drugs for this. for when it gets too hard.#this sounds so pathetic. oooo nooo I just want to get high because im soooo sad 😭#I have three (3) klonopin left I save for bad days or anxiety or whatever and I doubt my doc is gonna give me more#I’ve been taking buspar for the past couple of weeks and I really don’t know if it helps#hell im not entirely convinced buspar is not only NOT adding anything but if I stop my body will hate me#need to go talk about that with the dr but my appointment is next month and im lazy about pushing it up sooner#we’ll see. probably do that tomorrow after I run some errands#is this exciting? getting to see me plan out my day tomorrow? gonna grab groceries and med refills. wow it’s an inside scoop just for you#anyway this is a lot of rambling and I’m sorry if you read any of this#I’m super duper poor right now but I think I’ll run to the gas station and get a big fucking huge soda so I can ride a small sugar high#uggghhhh what a waste of a post#you can ignore this#text
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Changes
Ellie williams x female reader !
A/n: ahhh new series alert ⚠️! Hope you guys enjoy part 1 I'll be working on part two over the next few days MUAH
Summary: Ellies the bad girl in the school but she takes a liking to the reader, everyone's worried but the reader somehow changes her for the better
Warnings: fluff, bad girl Ellie, not really anything flirting, swearing? This is set at college/uni so they're a bit older then 19? Mighttt have smut in future chapters !
Masterlist || pt 2 ! Pt 3 !
It was frightening being the new girl. You were shy, very shy. You didn't know at all how to make friends, wandering the halls with your books clutched to yourself. It was overwhelming with how many people there were, you just wanted to get to your last class then go to your second home. The library. You had been waiting all day to finish and head straight there. You had heard good things about the schools library. It was massive, full of so many books. Old and full of memories, it was ancient.
You just sat down in a chair for your last class of the day when some girls approached you. "Oi, dork." You look up from your book seeing a tall brunette with a few blue streaks in it. You await her words, wondering what she wanted. "You new here or something? I don't recognize you." You nod. "I am yeah." She looks down at your books. "Stella." You keep your gaze on her. "Oh- im-" She gets down to your level. "I don't care. You're in my seat." You look at where you were and giggle just a bit. "What are we 16?" You fucked up. She slams her hands down on the desk making you jolt back.
"Wrong. Answer." You widen your eyes, swallowing. "S-sorry." You stutter, going to get up when a hand gets placed on your shoulder. You turn your head to a tall copper haired girl. "Leave her be Stella." She stares coldly at her. Stella just smirks. "You haven't called me back Williams." You look at the girl beside you. "Yeah cuz I don't keep in contact with egotistical sluts like you." You almost gasp, shocked by her language. "Harshhh. No need to get bitchy." The girl chuckles. "Youre one to talk. Pestering someone so innocent. Just sitting there minding her own business." Stella looks at the girl like she's crazy. "And you're so different? You bug anyone and everyone." The girl pouts. "Sad it's not you? Is that burning your ego even more?" Stella rolls her eyes. "Whatever." She spits going to leave.
"You alright?" The girl asks. You nod, putting your hair behind your ears. "Thank you." She nods also. "I'm Ellie. You're new huh?" You nod again, not use to all these people conversing with you. "Well I'll see you round new girl." You watch as she walks to the back of the class to her seat, sitting by another man and woman. She intrigued you for some reason. You had no idea what it was but, you wanted to know.
You were happy, smiling and walking briskly to the library, ready to wind down from a day of classes. You open the old wood doors, they were tall, with carvings and designs. You step inside taking in everything, the smell, the quietness. It was your new happy place. You stride in going over to each section. You were just admiring it all for now but you were determined to find this book you've been meaning to read. As you browse you suddenly come across it, your smile widens, getting on your tip toes to reach it. "Curse being so short." You mutter to yourself.
"Need some help there, new girl?" You turn around to be faced with the copper haired girl yet again. "Oh uhm. Yeah actually." You laugh a little embarrassed. "Struggles of being short." She nods, reaching to grab it with ease. "Glad I was here to help then." She smiles giving it to you. "What're you doing in here?" You ask, not even knowing why you did, anyone could go in here. "Ouch, do I not look like the reading type?" You shake your head. "No no no I just-" She giggles. "I'm teasing you love. And I am a big reader actually." She looks at the book she gave you. "You're going to really enjoy that." You look at the book yourself. "I've been meaning to read it for so long." You admit.
"Well it's worth the read." She smiles. "So what's your name new girl?" You hug the book to your chest. "Y/n. But I- i don't mind the nickname you already give me." She smirks. "New girl? Alright then I shall call you that." It went silent. "So-" You then hear stomping, turning your head. "Ellie leave this poor girl alone." A dark haired woman comes by her. "I'm not even doing anything just casually speaking." Ellie replies. "We should get going anyway, come on." The woman begins to walk off. Ellie looks at you. "I'll see you around, again. New girl." You keep your gaze on her as she goes. Thinking about how most people view her, confused by it all.
Knocking on the door of your dorm, you had just found it. Watching as the door opens. "HI can I help you?" A girl is in sight, giving you a toothy smile. "Uhm im your new roommate." You give her a smile also. "Ahh, well come on in." She moves out the way inviting you in. "How come you didn't do this, this morning?" She genuinely asks. "I wanted to get straight into it, I decided to come back and unpack later." You look around at the cute little dorm room. "Well, all your stuff is in your room, make yourself comfy." She smiles at you, going into the kitchen. You return the smile, heading into your room. It was tiny but just the perfect fit for you. You begin to unpack setting everything out nicely and to how you like.
Once you're happy with how everything looks, you go out into the main area, seeing your roommate. "I'm Angela by the way, everyone just calls me Angie." You nod. "I'm Y/n." She nods. "Its nice to meet you. How has your first day been?" She pours herself a coffee. "Want a drink?" You shake your head. "I'm ok, thank you though. And it was good, classes were good. I got to see the library which was probably the highlight of my day." You smile, going to sit on the couch. "Its pretty cool isn't it." She smiles sipping on her coffee. "Hey, do you know someone called Ellie Williams?" She stares at you. "You don't wanna get involved with her, she's bad news." You furrow your brows. "Wait why?" You inquire. "She's a complete asshole. She will hurt you, and you're too sweet to be involved with someone as putrid as her."
You look at the couch in thought. Why was she such an asshole, she seemed really nice. "Can you tell me more?" You ask, looking at her. She strides over to the couch taking a seat next to you. "Ellie doesn't care about anyone but herself. She'd hurt you just to please herself." You ponder. "But she was nice to me-" She shakes her head. "Its all an act, don't fall for any of it ok?" You just nod. She gives you a reassuring smile. "Right well I'm going to start on some dinner, you in the mood for anything in particular?" She begins to go back into the kitchen. "I'm not fussy." "Awesome." She smiles.
Voices. You heard voices as you woke up, rubbing your eyes as you sit up. You put a brown robe on, peaking your head out the door to see. "No Williams. You're fucking creepy." You try to make out more of the conversation. "I'm not being creepy I was just wondering if she was here or if she had left already. Is that a crime?" Angie let's out a dry chuckle. "Yeah with you it is one. Leave her alone Ellie. Shes a sweet girl, she doesn't need your games." You hear the door shut. What did Ellie even want? You shake your head out of your thoughts, deciding to ignore it and get on with the day.
"New girl wait up!" You hear from behind you, fast footsteps coming closer. You turn your head. "Oh, hi." Ellie comes to a halt. "I've been looking for you all morning." You furrow your brows slightly. "Whys that?" You ask, still keeping your text books close. "I wanted to show you another book that you might be interested in." She starts to walk with you to your first class. "We can go to the library later and check it out." You nod, but suddenly think about why everyone is not fond of her when she's so nice to you. "What's it about?" "Just like the one you had yesterday but a different style and author. I think you'll like it." You nod, coming to your class. "Well I'll see you later, Ellie." She smirks. "See you, new girl."
It was on your mind all day, could you really trust this mysterious woman. You had only met her, and from what you had heard it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. You were walking down to the library as it was now the end of the day, you were planning to study a little bit in there also. Going in you spot Ellie immediately, she gives you a smile signaling to come over to her. She was sitting in one of the maroon colored chairs. "Hey." You say setting your stuff down and joining her in one of the chairs. "Have a good day?" She inquires. You nod. "Yeah it wasn't too bad. Yours?" She nods also. You look at her hands, at the book she held. "Right yes, the thing you've been waiting all day for." You sit up a bit, looking at her. "Give the one you got yesterday a read first then read this one, and let me know what you think about it."
She hands it to you, you give her a smile taking in her words. "Thank you for this." She leans back and smiles. "You're welcome angel." She looks at all your other books. "You going to study?" You nod. "Yeah just some history stuff I'm going to work on." You bring out all your supplies, stuffing the book she gave you in your shoulder bag. "Want some company?" You look at her. "Sure, company can't hurt." You smile still at one another. "I'll just be doing my own stuff." You watch as she gets out her own book, you look at it further. "Are you studying too? What subject." She looks at you. "Meh no just personal pleasure." You look more at it, it was a sketch book. "You draw?" She gets the last of her supplies. She nods at your question. "Yeah I do, guess that's another thing you didn't peg me to do huh?" You laugh a little bit. "I didn't, no. How long have you done it for?" She fully looks at you now.
"Since I was young." You look at the book again. "Can i see some of your work?" She nods, opening it up and giving it to you. You examine them, flipping the pages, she was incredible. "These are amazing." You continue to flick through, coming across some colorful ones. You admire them. "You like that one?" She noticed how you looked at it. "Its so beautiful the color, is this done with paints?" You trace your finger over it lightly. "It is yeah, you like paintings?" You look at her fully. "I actually paint myself." She sits back in the chair again. "Well what do you know. Learning new things about you every second new girl." She smirks at you intrigued. "Well, Ellie what about you." She leans forward. "What do you mean by that." You contemplate on whether or not you should ask.
"Why are you so nice to me. You don't even know me." You state. "Well, that's a good question, and I know exactly why you've asked it. Don't listen to them I may not be perfect but I'm not a monster. You interested me. No one here's, ever interested me like you have, so I took liberty into getting to know you." That's it, why do people hate her so much. Which brings you to your next question. "Why do people not like you." She let's out a tiny laugh. "You're very interested too huh. I'm not a sweet angel. I don't follow by anyone's expectations, or rules. I make some not so great choices, but I dont really care most of the time." You listen to everything. "But why me, im so ordinary." She looks at you, deeply this time. "Not to me. I see something in you, I'm drawn to it."
You look at her shoes, something you always did, it always told you about the person. She had worn out converses on. "I want to get to know you more." She grabs your hand, making you look at her. You look into her eyes as she does so. "I want to get to know you too." She smiles, letting go of your hand and sitting back in the chair. "What do you paint?" She asks, but looking at her sketch book. "Nothing special I just normally work with water colors and some paints, I just do whatever is on my mind, it may not make sense to others but I envision it and just, do." She looks up listening. "I admire that. I might have to check some of your work out sometime." You smile and nod. "Yeah I'm sure that could be arranged." You wanted to continue studying but you couldn't help but get distracted by her.
She was without a doubt beautiful she had a messy half way mullet looking haircut. Green eyes like emeralds. Light freckles coating her face, as she concentrates. Her grungy clothing, hanging baggy over her body. You were so mesmerized by this woman, so far she's made you feel so, real. "What're you drawing?" She doesn't respond right away. Still looking at her paper, but she looks up at you. Keeping silent and looking back at the paper. You look at her with confusion. "Ellie?" She continues to sketch whatever it was she was scribbling at. But once she was done she looks at you, flashing a smirk. She moves, keeping the book to her but ripping one of the pages out and handing it to you upside down. "See you tomorrow new girl. You'll have to give me a tour of your paint work, I'll hold you to it." She smiles as she goes to leave. You watch but then you look at your lap, at the drawing. It was of you. You smile to yourself, looking at every detail. You keep looking, spotting a note in the corner. 'Meet me at my dorm ####, tomorrow morning -E' you keep smiling to yourself. This was just the beginning.
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your angst is so UGHHHHH AMAZING. im literally reading every single thing on your masterlist. i need more hobie hurt/comfort or miguel or anyone actually idc who it is i just love your writingggg. maybe like they’ve had a bad day and reader tries to help but instead they get annoyed and say sum ab then being annoying n never shutting up and reader gets quiet after and stuff. although i’ll literally read anything you put out thank you!!!
Request: Out of Line [Hobie]
Hobie x GN!Reader
—> [Miguel’s Version]
Warnings: Angst, yelling, insults, sad reader, comforting, crying, cursing
A/n: Such kind praise anon literally tysm. I love writing angst, it’s just fun to make characters suffer :) but yes! This idea is so good. I also made one for Miguel. enjoy meine Lieben!
You were sat next to Hobie on the couch, an arm wrapped around his shoulder while the other sat on his thigh. Your gaze sympathetic and kind as you looked at your boyfriend, body slumped over from exhaustion and disappointment. His elbows were resting on his knees, head resting on his hands as he was lost in his thoughts, still frustrated from todays mission.
Once he entered and slammed the door, you know the mission went wrong. He had been unexpectedly pulled away that afternoon when Miguel said it was an emergency. Hobie left with a smile and kiss goodbye… only to return with a grimace and a set of gritted teeth.
The only thing he told you was that he was responsible for losing sight of the anomaly and Miguel gave him an earful for it.
So there you were, comforting and reassuring your boyfriend with your words, throwing praises onto him like a crazed fan girl. “You are absolutely phenomenal Hobie. Don’t ever question that. No matter how much Miguel scolds you or criticizes you, you are an amazing part of the team that Miguel is lucky to have” you wouldn’t stop.
In your mind you saw that as a good thing… that Hobie would appreciate how you showered him with affection, but truly it was getting on his nerves. Wishing he could’ve just come home and forgotten all about Miguel and the mission, but no… now he had to hear about it at home too.
“You’re an amazing spider-man, one of the best that spider society has! Remember when you took care of that prowler anomaly single handedly? Or that green goblin anomaly from last week? Miguel didn’t seem to thank you for that if I remember! Now he suddenly decides to get up in your business?!” With each word you were giving him a soft caress on his shoulder or gently shaking his thigh.
His shoulder tensed under your hand, you thought it was because of an injury but if you only knew what really had him so irritated. His eyes were clenching shut, trying to fight the part of him that calls your voice annoying and yells at him to tell you to shut up… because he knows you’re trying, and usually he loves it! Oftentimes the only thing that helps is when your voice rambles on and envelops him like a warm embrace.
“Im gonna say it! Miguel should just keep his mouth shut I think! He-“ you were ready to say another whole soliloquy before Hobie’s voice cut through your own “No you should! I swear all you do is ramble and it drives me up the fucking wall. So just shut it!” His tone was laced with venom, every word a jab to your heart.
His head was turned to look at you with unforgiving eyes, burning with an unbridled rage that you knew wasn’t aimed at you… but it still felt personal. He lets out a light chuckle and when he smiles maliciously it, had your skin crawling. “After todays mission I want some peace and quiet. The sound of your voice is doing my head in. So do me a favor and take your own advice.”
You slowly pull away your hands, noticing how his body relaxes slightly when you do, which only made you more upset. “O-oh… okay” your voice was soft, but clearly shaken. After that you sit in silence for a few minutes, the only audible sound being Hobie sighing every once in a while.
Every second of silence is another second of you pondering and recounting what Hobie said to you. Playing it over in your head until you felt your eyes begin to gloss over. You take that as your sign to leave, clearing your throat and mumbling out a soft “i-I’ll see you upstairs” before leaving without another word.
Hobie stayed downstairs for a bit longer, organizing his thoughts and using the silence to quell his irritation. He then had the opportunity to think back on what he said to you. Cursing into his palm when he realizes just how harsh he got with you.
This wasn’t the first time… he often got harsh and lost his filter when he was in a bad mood; you always understood that. Whenever he’d go off on you, you never took it personally, understanding that he was in a bad mood or a poor state.
He’d always come up to you later and apologize for what he said, and he was lucky because you always understood and forgave him. Afterwards he’d cuddle up with you, telling you all about the terrible day he had or how horrible his mission went. You were always there to comfort him, listening to every word.
This time was different though. He didn’t just make an offhanded comment about how he wanted silence or how you weren’t helping, he made it personal by insulting your voice, a part of yourself that he usually loved and was now suddenly deeming as headache inducing.
When Hobie eventually went upstairs, he found you sitting in bed, back against the headboard, looking at your phone, not even sparing him a glance. He walked over and sat on the edge of his side of the bed, placing a hand on your thigh. You didn’t react so he took the time to apologize.
“Hey love… look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Todays mission just left me absolutely gutted and I just felt right shit. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It was just really rough and I fucked up bad” his hand absentmindedly caresses your thigh as he spoke. You didn’t move and just let out a hum in response.
He paused and hesitated before speaking “I-I’m really sorry…. I didn’t mean it love. You know that right?” he leans forward and goes to kiss your lips, you turn your head so kiss lands on your cheek instead. He was slightly surprised but more disappointed. He decided not to press the topic though. “alright… I’m gonna go get ready and I’ll be back” he says and walks off to the bathroom.
When he comes back out, you’d shifted to be lying on your side, back to him, as if you’re ready to go to sleep. As he gets into the bed behind you, he notices how your eyes are still open and you were just looking at your phone.
He leans over your figure “Love? A-are we not gonna cuddle?” his voice was soft, you could hear the slight pout in his voice. To his question you shake your head, he moved onto his side of the bed and positioned himself to sit against the headboard.
“Oh… can I tell you about my mission though?” you could hear the dejection in his tone but managed to brush it off. You shrug causing Hobie to hesitate, but after a pause he begins to tell you about the mission, going on and on, but never once do you react.
“And then, that prick just threw a sign at me! A goddamn sign, can you believe that?” He looked over at your figure waiting for a response, waiting for you to agree with him or encourage him to continue talking as you usually did, but you still don’t say a word.
He clears his throat at the silence “b-but it really hurt and my shoulders still sore because of it” he continued to complain hoping you’d break your vow of silence but he still got nothing. He can see you’re still awake which causes him to huff out in disappointment, a pout forming on his lips. He shifts on the bed and placed his chin to rest on your arm.
“Love? Why’d you go so quiet?” He watched your expression, it didn’t shift and you just continued to scroll through your phone. There was a pause and then he spoke again. “Was it because of what I said earlier?” You stop scrolling on your phone and he takes that as a sign that he guessed right.
“God… love I didn’t know it hurt you that bad. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said it and I didn’t mean it. Not even the slightest bit” he wraps his arm around your waist trying to pull you back against his chest. Much to his relief you didn’t struggle or try to move away, allowing him to pull you against his chest.
“I love the sound of your voice, I look forward to hearing it after every mission. I was just really irritated and I snapped at you for no reason” you put your phone down but still don’t look or speak to him. He let out a soft sigh and the hand on your waist began to trace soft circles on your skin.
“I’ll keep apologizing as long as it takes for you to speak again. I miss your voice love. Please… even if it’s quiet? I wanna hear it” he placed a kiss on your shoulder, and kept it nuzzled against your arm as he waited patiently.
“You said it drives you up the wall…” a smile graced his lips as you finally spoke, it was a soft murmur but it was something. He places another kiss on your shoulder “Thats not true, I was being stupid. You have every right to be upset with me, it was a daft thing to say and I was being a proper prick” you hum softly in agreement, which he took as a sign of encouragement.
He continued to place kisses on your arm and shoulder “You agree don’t you? Hm?” He says and you shrug, a small smile beginning to appear on your lips. His arm wraps further around your waist, beginning to roll you onto your back as his playful kisses moved to your neck. “Cmon you can say it, I was being stupid, I was being a prick… go on” he had a smirk on his face as he kissed at your jaw.
You chuckle softly and then look into his eyes, a smile now settled on your lips. “You really were. The biggest prick I’ve ever met” you say and he pulls away and gives you a fake pout. “Ouch… now that hurts” you roll your eyes and he chuckles softly. He leans back down and begins to pepper kisses all over you face.
“I’m really sorry love” he says and pulls away to look at you with a gentle smile. You sigh out but smile at him. “I believe you” You shift slightly so you’re sitting back against the headboard “but what I can’t believe…” you begin to say and Hobie looks at you curiously.
“Is that that goddamn anomaly threw a sign at you?!” You say exaggerating your shock but loving the smile that it puts on Hobie’s face. “I know!” He say and moves to rest his head against your lap. Letting go of your waist and intertwining his hand with yours to wrap them around his shoulders.
For the rest of that night he recounted his mission to you, every small detail and every tiny slip up, but this time you actually reacted. And every time you spoke his heart sang at the sound of your voice.
#konigenblobbity#fanfiction#hobie brown x reader#hobie brown#hobie atsv#across the spiderverse fanfic#across the spiderverse hobie#hobie brown x you#hobie x reader
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i did a mini rant about it on twitter, but i want, and need, to say this here as well
it is sickening to see all media everywhere parrot israeli propaganda and lies while actively ignoring what they are doing to palestine, but especially so seeing it all being done just as much in germany, it feels even more personal bc shouldnt WE be the ones MOST critical of anyone enacting genocide??
a lesson to take from our awful, shitty, horrific history isnt we cannot criticize jewish people ever at all but that genocide is BAD
its seems like they are afraid of being called antisemitic by some people who dont know shit about whats going on so much so that theyd rather support a full blown genocide of 2 MILLION people, and it just
it scares me
i feel like a stranger in my own home, im avoiding news on radio and TV bc it feels like they are trying to brainwash me to cheer for the oppressors; we were responsible for a 5+ million genocide and now the media and politicians want us to support one of 2 million more??? what the fuck???
"well there are some evil people in this country we have been colonizing for years, guess we are gonna have to wall the entire region off so noone can leave and kill every single human life there, sorry, we had no other choice, dont look at us openly bragging about pulverizing a hospital filled to the brim with people seeking shelter from our 6000 mega bombs we dropped within a few days on this region, then calling palestinians 'children of darkness' and us the 'children of light', delete those posts, then change who we want to blame it on every few minutes bc people are starting to see through our lies, but dont you see? the bad people could have been anywhere, we had to, that hospital wasnt the first and wont be the last tho, so sad uwu"
how insane do you have to be to hear that and go "ah yes, that is very logical and justified and totally not obvious lies, heres a billion of currency and a metric fuckton of weapons to kill them all more efficiently, have fun and good luck"
?????????
if you think supporting palestine and wanting isreal to stop bombing them means you automatically support hamas you have no fucking idea what you are talking about actually and you need to educate yourself right about now, urgently
if you think the acts of one terror organisation represent an entire country and thus everyone living in it deserves to die for it, what the fuck is wrong with you
there definitely are some horrible fascist, violent cults in the US, there absolutely are some in germany as well, do they represent the entire population of either countries and thus every single thing alive within its borders needs to die horrificly???
why did i have to sit in school trying not to cry my eyes out looking at fotos of piles of tortured, dead people, visit whats left over from concentration camps with all its looming feeling of doom, not even being able to stomach going into the building itself bc it made me want to vomit just being there and learn about every sickening detail of our awful history when im now here seeing and hearing it all over again, but this time im supposed to cheer for the oppressors?
i am appalled of so many countries being so complicit in supporting yet another genocide, but i am especially ashamed of my own.
again.
free palestine.
#ganondoodles talks#free palestine#how is it radical to say i dont want people to die#and no amount of killing will bring anyone back to life#all it does is take more life away and take more life away and take more life away
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TXTs reaction to you pulling another members photocard
txt x reader fluff, silly short storys, slight angst in Taehyuns and suggestive in Huenings
Choi Soobin: He isnt one to get jealous really, well thats what he thought. Soobin was watching you open up your own Temptation Lullaby Version. Ripping the packaging open and flipping the first page when you both see the name Hueing Kai. Soobin wasnt upset per say, but he was just a little bit pouty because you didnt get his version. Going through the photobook and gushing over the solo poster you got, Soobin was breaking bad. Then you go to to see the photocard, and oh boy. You got the slightly older makane Taehyun. You turn to Soobin to show him the photocard before he gets up and puts on his shoes. "Soobin ? Where are you going love ?" you ask, your mind confused. "Target" he says sternly. "Why?" "Im getting you my version and my photocard" you couldnt help but giggle. He pouts, "Why are you laughing?" you calm down and pull him to you, kissing his cheek. "I dont need a photocard or a certain version, when i have the real one right here" He smiles, still with a small pouts and goes back onto the couch to cuddle you.
Choi Yeonjun: Opening up your Temptation Nightmare version you were so excited. You saw the photocards while looking online and dont tell your boyfriend, but you were dying for Soobins photocard. You look through the freebies, and you honestly really like the bookmark. 10/10 will use. After looking through the photobook and all of that, you get to the photocard. AND YOU GOT SOOBIN. You let out a little happy noise. You put him in a photocard sleeve and plop him on your desk. Later that night Yeonjun comes home, planting a kiss on your lips and telling you hes going to take a shower. He walks into yalls bedroom to head to the bathroom when he sees his blonde haired leader sitting on your desk. He grabs it and walks over to you. "What is this?" he asked not really looking for an answer. "Erm, a Soobin photocard?" you respond looking at him weirdly. "Erm" he mimics, "Why isnt it me" You hold back a giggle at his actions. "Well maybe if you guys put more then one photocard in each album i wouldve gotten you" You say and he glares. "Fair." He turns and goes to the restroom. You know he isn't actually mad but will act like it after his shower to get some cuddles.
Choi Beomgyu: He was so so so pouty. You pulled Huening Kai which did not make Beomgyu happy. You put the photocard in your holder on your purse, and Beomgyu goes off. "WHAT" you glace at him. Very confused. "Why is huening on your bag and not meeeee" He clings to you and pouts, looking at you with his puppy dog eyes. "Because i always put my newest photocard on my bag?" "Nooo you always put me on your bag" The last few albums you have gotten have been Txt albums, which lucky for Beomgyu, you've pulled him. But his luck has run out and the tall baby of his group is doing his iconic peace sign pose on your bag. You finally calm him down and you go to get ready for bed, little do you know. Beomgyu was putting in his photocard on your bag and taking Huening and putting him in your collection. Beomgyu didnt care about how you would yell at him about it in the morning, because at least he would 'be' with you through the day.
Kang Taehyun: He wasnt jealous at all. He knows how much you love him and no silly photo of one of his group mates was going to change that. Ok well maybe he was a little bit jealous over the fact of how much you were smiling when you pulled Taehyuns oldest member Yeonjun. It was a good picture of him no doubt about that. And the fact you were smiling so much about pulling him made he do a double take on who your bias was. It was him right? "Why are you so happy? Is Yeonjun your bias now?" He ask, not upset but with a light chuckle to maybe hide the fact he was hoping you would come cuddle him and smile at him 2x as bright. "Im ot5 !!" Owie, hearing he wasn't your bias made him a little bit sad. Your poor baby just wanted to be your favorite in everything. He knows it wasn't a big deal but why did it sting. You saw your boyfriends playful smile turning into a sad one just like that. "Butttttt if i had to pick it would be you, your so handsome and talented, your voice is good for so many things and I love how you use it when you sing." You say putting down the album and pulling Taehyun close to you snuggling into his chest. He wraps his arms around you and kisses your head. "I bet if he saw you he would think you're really cool too babe" You let out a giggle at his words before kissing Taehyuns lips softly and putting the goodies away.
Huening Kai: If any of the members were pouting before Huening throws it out of the park. He watched you open your album, showing off everything like you're in a YouTube unboxing video. Huening was all smiles until you got the the photocard. He was hoping that you got him, he honestly really liked how his photos came out. Everything was fun and games until Beomgyu showed up in your hand. "Ohh baby look I got gyu !!" You showed off the photocard not realizing that your boyfriend was pouting, like a little baby. Hybe was not on his nice side today for giving him the album with the wrong photocard. "Pfft you got gyu and not me!! Mine was better" you're boyfriend said trying to convince you to get another album to get his photocard. You smirked at him playfully "But I like gyuuies photocard, he looks good" "Yea well not as good as me !!" His pout only got worse as you teased him. And at the end of the day you would have to pay for it later but that wasn't on your mind now. "I should put him in a case front and center" you joked and Huening was hurt. "NOOOO HES GONNA REPLACE ME" he slightly yelled out, clinging onto you to hold you in place. You couldn't help but laugh. He was so cute when he was pouty. In the end you had to pinky promise him you weren't gonna swap the photocard and just put the new one with the rest. Which left you a happy boyfriend and a sore back the next day.
#x reader#txt x reader#txt fluff#txt fanfic#txt#tomorrow x together#soobin#yeonjun#beomgyu#txt taehyun#hueningkai
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𝑠𝑙𝑖𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑠.
PAIRING: chloe price x fem!reader
WARNINGS: mentions of possible death
GENRE: angst
SONG INSPIRATION: love me now by john legend
WORD COUNT: 765
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it had been just over a week since rachel had gone missing and you had never seen chloe so...broken?
since she had gotten expelled she now spent her days in bed or out getting high. you were more than worried for her, she barely spoke to you anymore whether that be through person or messaging. always ending up with you getting left on read or delivered most nights.
joyce gave you sad smiles as you showed up to take care of her daughter or well atleast try to.
often leaving trays of food out for her, then coming back to get it and it would be barely touched. the curtains of her bedroom always closed, the strong scent of beer and weed making your stomach churn as you laid snuggled up close holding her.
you've never seen her look so small before.
for the boisterous girl you had first met seeing chloe in this state terrified you and the fact you couldn't do anything to make her feel better made the pit in your stomach grow deeper.
a few weeks later and rachel was still missing.
the students of blackwell reluctantly went back to their normal schedules, classes did too, even with the constant rainfall.
as for chloe she was nowhere near okay, but she was out of bed and determined more than ever to find rachel. placing missing person posters all over town with your help of course.
you would do anything for that girl...for your girl.
like now where you're stood close behind her, your hands in gloves gripping a bleaching brush which was covered in blue hair dye.
ever since the two of you had gotten together you had taken on the role of dying her hair, tired of seeing her miss patches at the back. you also happened to love the calmness of the process, that was when you actually got her to sit still.
her normal fidgeting was now still, the room that was previously full of music and life is dull and quiet.
you were just about done double checking you covered everywhere before taking off your gloves and picking up a piece of tissue, shuffling round to kneel in front of her.
she had been awfully quiet today, it had gotten so bad you wished that she'd just scream and shout at you, to do something. anything.
your fingers gently grasped her chin as you wiped away any excess off of her forehead so it wouldn't burn the skin, her eyes skimming your face as you did, a soft smile tugged at your lips as you went to give her a kiss only for your lips to be met with her cheek.
that sinking feeling coming back again as you backed away. peeling the gloves off of your hands, gathering your things whilst she tried to explain herself. the tears nearly spilling from your eyes as you swallowed the lump in your throat to speak to her.
"i-im gonna go home, give you some space. remember don't leave that on for too long, i love you." pausing to look at her seeing the regret and pain on her face. she reached out for you, but before she could catch you, you slipped out of the door.
you didn't know what to do anymore, this was all becoming so draining. feeling terrible for even thinking that, but you felt like you were losing her.
now instead of stopping off at her house before school you went straight there, sometimes even grabbing a coffee and still having enough time to be early.
your grades that were once slipping now back on track, you spent your time drowned in homework or extracalicular activities so you didn't have to think of her. of everything. every once in a while calling joyce for updates.
tonight was one of the nights where every had been done, school work, chores. so you ended up having a self care night. not remembering the last time you did something nice for yourself.
having a shower, slipping into some pjs and putting on home alone. a christmas movie that you once loved but now couldn't watch without thinking of her.
clicking off the tv, falling onto your bed. bundling yourself up as you listened to the rain beat against the window.
you missed her laugh, her sarcastic humour, her touch, you missed her.
for the passed few years it had been you two, she was your constant and having it all ripped away from you so suddenly hurt.
you felt forgotten. for the time in ages you were...alone.
© ruewrote.
#chloe price#chloe price x reader#chloe price oneshots#chloe price imagines#chloe price fanfics#life is strange#life is strange x reader#life is strange oneshots#life is strange imagines#life is strange fanfics#x reader#oneshots#imagines#fanfics#ruewrote#angst#chloe price angst
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May we get some angst of Dew then being comforted by the other ghouls, maybe a ghoul cuddle pile?
Oh yes. Because Dew has been feeling a whole lot of angst on this tour! Read below the cut. Thanks for the prompt anon 💖
It happened at the first ritual. And then it happened again. And again. And again. The wireless transmitter failed, the sound cut out completely, his pedal board decided it just wasn’t going to work. And then it decided that a few more times.
Dew would stomp in agitation, flip off his equipment, beckon the techs with impatient gestures. Aside from the actual malfunction, the crowd thought that Dew’s reaction was all part of the spectacle. And maybe it was, at first.
But when the number of rituals were moving into the double digits, his rage became very real. It was the first thing he felt when everything went wrong. And when he blamed himself for it.
Some of it had absolutely nothing to do with him. The cannons firing early, the lights shutting off, the curtain getting stuck as the crew tried to yank it from where it had attached itself to a rafter. It nonetheless added to his unease. The feeling that everything was about to go wrong.
Tonight seemed better. So far so good. Until he planted his boot on the pedal board and all of the sound coming from his guitar cut out. He frantically stepped on different pedals, but heard nothing coming from his monitor.
This had been maybe the 4th time this specific issue had happened. With the spotlights shining on him, because he should’ve been playing a solo, he was instead standing there motioning for techs that weren’t there.
Blinded by rage at this point, he stomped, and not in a Im so human and weak way. In a I am forged from fire and demon blood way, and managed to crush the metal frame of the phaser pedal under the heel of his boot, cracking the also metal frame of the board right in half.
Thank Satan for the new masks. No one could see his eyes. His tears soaked into the fabric of the balaclava covering his mouth. He wasn’t sad. He was angry. And when he got angry enough, he cried. And it made him feel like a kit having a temper tantrum.
Dew would say he just wanted to put on a good show, that he shouldn’t be making mistakes this late in the game, and that he too responsibility for all of his equipment. Even if he didn’t set it up.
Others would say Dew was a perfectionist. That the smallest mistake would send him spiraling. Sometimes for days. That he would mutter under his breath about it and beat himself up about it and run it over in his mind in an obsessive cycle trying to pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong so that it would never happen again.
“We all make mistakes Dew.”
“We can’t control everything Dew.”
“Stop beating yourself up Dew.”
You’re making a big deal out of nothing Dew.”
“We get that you’re pissed but don’t take it out on us Dew.”
They didn’t understand how deeply affected he was, that each and every equipment failure, set up issue, or stroke of bad luck stick to the next, until it was a massive weight on his back that practically made him stoop when he walked.
When he walked off the stage that night, rather when he stormed off it, stalking off to the showers, taking his rage out on his own skin as he scrubbed himself raw. He didn’t bother drying his hair, no matter how tangled it would be later. He sat alone in a plastic chair at the rear of the venue in between the floodlights affixed to the wall.
When they were all finally ready to move, filtering out the back door in search of Dew they almost missed him in that patch of darkness until they noticed the Cherry of his cigarette glowing in the dark.
“Hey Dew, time to go.”
Swiss employed his softest, least obnoxious semi sing-song voice, however Dew still practically sneered at him as he fell in line.
He was the last to get on the bus. By then everyone felt the rage radiating off of him. Each trying to make individual decisions about how they’d deal with it. Unanimously, they all wanted to just leave him be. Until the boil lowered to a simmer. At these stage surely anything they said to him would just infuriate him further.
As Dew traversed the tall steps, his toe caught on the lip of very last step, his hands were full so there was nothing to prevent him from slamming his face into the wall that enclosed the drivers seat.
When his head stopped spinning he looked to see everyone had come to a halt, staring at him with what appeared to be a combination of concern and fear. He felt something warm dripping down his face, his olfactory organs immediately recognized it as blood, as did his eyes when he realized it was dripping on the light grey carpet.
No one could see the countdown that had been set, but they knew he was about to explode.
“Dew, can I help you? I’ll take your bags and” - Mountain extended his hand, slowly, as if Dew would bite his fingers off. And he might.
Dew dropped his duffle and back pack on the floor and wiped his nose on his sleeve, leaving a bloody smear across his face. He looked up at Mountain with a somewhat neutral expression that said time was almost up. They all froze, waiting to see if the bus was about to be engulfed in flames. Not this time, he sunk cross legged to the floor and let out one of the most wretched cries they’ve ever heard.
“Oh Dew, come here. Don’t sit on the dirty floor.” Mountain crouched in front of him, using his on sleeve to staunch the flow of blood dripping onto Dew ‘s lap.
“Can you walk, can you stand?”
Dew just shook his head. No yelling, no screaming, just tears and blood. Mountain scooped him up and brought him to the back of the bus, depositing them both on the couch.
“You wanna talk about it, firebug?”
Dew shook his head, he just kept his eyes downcast, rubbing at the blood that was drying down on his hand. Dew was beyond anger, completely defeated., absolutely done. They all knew it.
Swiss searched in vain for ice, remembering there was no freezer in the tiny tour bus fridge. The best he could do was a cold bottle of beer wrapped in a t-shirt.
Rain located the first aid kit affixed to the wall in the bathroom. An infection on top of everything else wasn’t what they needed. Especially since the cut on the bridge of his nose happened to lay exactly where his mask would hit.
Rain dabbed at the cut with a swab soaked in alcohol. The scent made Dew’s nose scrunch up, between that and the burn, and the embarrassment of it all, Rain was dabbing at tears as well as the slice on his skin.
Swiss handed over the bottle, knowing that Dew preferred the calming energy of Rain and Mount when he was broken down this far.
Instead he hung back with the new guy and texted Cirrus, on the other bus with the Cirrus and Aurora. They had nothing helpful to offer. No ice and no advice. So he sunk back on the sofa and waited for some cue that told him he could be useful in this situation. The quintessence ghoul knew he could help, but he’d rather wait until he was asked rather than be intrusive.
The bus lurched forward, making it onto the highway shortly thereafter. Dew hadn’t spoken a word yet. He occasionally squeaked at the shifting of the fabric across the cut as Rain held the cold bottle to his face.
“I broke my pedal.”
“Oh, Dew, it doesn’t matter. It’s all replaceable. Unlike you. You’re the one we need to be okay.” Dew dropped his shoulders, abandoning the rigid posture he’d maintained since they sat down, giving in to the comfort that Mountain’s wide shoulders and long arms offered.
Rain pulled the beer out of the shirt and offered it to Dew but he shook his head. “You want tea instead?” Dew looked back at Rain as if he felt guilty saying yes. Rain kissed his forehead and stood to go make him one.
“I don’t know why you’re all being so nice to me. It was my fault.”
“You know that’s not true.” A gentle chiding sometimes helped snap him out of his cycle of self blame. Emphasis on gentle. Mountain continued, his deep voice as soft as he could manage.
“Maybe you did break the board. But the rest wasn’t your fault at all. I know you want to take it upon yourself to make sure everything is perfect. But this is a giant machine with many moving parts. A lot of them operated by humans. And we’re just getting started. It’ll get better Firebug, I know it will.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Dew muttered, taking the scalding mug of tea that Rain held out to him. In fact, Rain had to carry it with a kitchen towel, but that’s how Dew liked it. Even if it was like drinking hot lava.
Rain sat behind Dew, gently working through the knots in his half-dry hair. “It happens to me too, I almost kicked a stage light right off the podium.”
“That’s not the same.”
“Okay, maybe not. But we’ve all had issues. C’s keyboard not making a sound when she walked out for her solo, standing there at center stage. The crowd staring at him her. Remember how upset she was?”
“Yeah, I remember. But still. She didn’t stomp on her keytar when it happened.”
Rain brushed his fingers against Dew’s scalp, watching his head lull backwards. “I know. Yes, you did that. Yes, your temper gets the best of you. But you have a lot at stake. We all know it. You’re just gonna have to forgive yourself.”
“No, I don’t and you can’t make me.”
Rain gave his hair a playful tug. “Oh? I think I can.”
Mountain saw the half smile hidden behind the now empty mug. He pried it out of Dew’s hands, handing it behind him to Swiss who he knew was probably dying inside from feeling useless.
Dew leaned back, yawning once, and then over and over. “Someone’s sleepy.” Mountain stood again with Dew in his arms. “Time for bed?”
“Don’t infantilize me. I’m a super scary fire demon and shit.”
“Yes, babygirl. But how can you burn as all to a crisp if you’re tired?”
Dew replied with a hiss. “Your bed.”
Mountain nodded. His was the biggest. He was thrilled when their manager told them they had enough funds to make small modifications to tour bus.
“And?”
“Yeah, all of you.” Dew grunted.
“I knew it you softy.” Swiss kissed his cheek before launching himself on the bed.
“I get the middle!” Dew called out.
“Of course. We already know that, Princess.” Rain slid across the wide mattress next to Swiss.
“Not a princess.” Dew muttered as he pressed himself up against Rain’s chest. Two ghouls left. Phantom stood there looking apprehensive.
“Go on, he won’t bite you, unless you ask.”
He crawled in, sculpting himself to the shape of Dew’s body while maintaining an inch wide gap between them. Dew reached behind and grabbed his arm to yank him closer. “That’s not how this works.”
“Yeah, okay.” He sounded slightly terrified which made Dew giggle. His reputation must’ve made it down to the pit. Even though it was mostly untrue.
Mountain crawled in next, pushing the quintessence ghoul’s body the rest of the way. He usually took the edge, because his large body was like a dam keeping the rest of them from spilling on to the floor in the night.
Dew always tried to hold it back, reputation to maintain and what not, but his purr always started up first and despite his size, it was definitely the loudest.
“Feeling better, princess?”
Dew slapped Swiss with his tail. “Not a princess.”
Probably the biggest lie Dew told about himself that night. He absolutely was and he knew it.
The next morning Cumulus skipped over to the bus to see how he was. “I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt unless I touch it.”
“Well, I thought it might. But I made this for you.”
It was a sort of headband looking thing. Only it was thinner. Aside from one piece that seemed to be 3 layers thick. Knitted from buttery soft black yarn.
“Thanks - uh - what is it?”
She slipped it over his head, letting the padded part rest on the bridge of his nose. “It’s so your helmet doesn’t dig into it.”
Dew’s eyes shone in the morning light, but Cumulus just gave him a peck on the cheek and walked away. She wouldn’t tell anyone that a little piece of knitting made him cry.
#nameless ghouls#dewdrop ghoul#rain ghoul#mountain ghoul#Swiss ghoul#cirrus ghoulette#cumulus ghoulette#aurora ghoulette#phantom ghoul#the band ghost fanfic#fluff#Dew is angy#midnight moth answers#midnight moth asks#midnight moth writes#cw injury#cw blood#cw hurt comfort
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Come and get me.
Content: Yandere/Stalker Ajax, Lil bit of a blowjob, Reader is switch, AFAB reader, "Healing" but its actually not, Masturbation, Toxic relationship, Both are lowkey obsessed, Public(?) sex, Nosebleeds, impregnation, name carving onto skin
Pair: Ajax x Fem! Reader
A/N: Bare with the writing if it's bad since I wrote this like last year, I recently privated it cus I thought it was prob kinda cringe but I lowk like the sex part...
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part 1 / part 2 (coming soon)
Tears trickled down your cheek, his hand plastered to your neck as you felt him fill you to the brim, legs shaking in ectasy but also with fear. You were so unsure of what to think right now, Struggling to support yourself with your arms clenching onto the wrinkled sheets.
The way you spasmed around him was blissful, your moaning combined with whimpers was such a wonderful melody.
You wish you could fully enjoy it but you felt like a stress relief toy, nevertheless you loved being stretched out by his cock, wrapping around it as if you'd never feel it again.
And you really wished you never would, until now you try to fulfill it.
You ran away, obviously. Ahem, As I was saying, you ran away to a place in Liyue, and rented a small house with the bag of mora you stole from him while sneaking out.
But after a few years, you started to feel lonely, missing how he fucked you so hard, abusing your clit. He did it so often to you to the point you've gotten used to it and became hypersexual.
You hated it. You hated how you missed his touch. You hate how you know he never actually loved you but you tried to assure yourself he'd think about your own health one day.
Beads of water fell down your chin as you rubbed your clit, shoving fingers inside but it never felt enough, as each day passed, you felt yourself getting more and more needy.
Sometimes, you felt eyes on you. But you didnt care. And a few times, it'd feel intriguing to have someone watch you, especially if its him...
You have been hoping every year for him to come and find you, but you were met with disappointment everytime. But this is what you wanted, wasnt it?
Trying to hide this side of yourself fron your friends. "Hey xia..." You sat down, trying to act as normal as you can while clenching onto your thigh to relieve the need. "Hey! I'll get you something on the house this time! It'll be extra special too, after all you are my bestfriend!" She smiled happily, while going onto cook as you watched her from outside. Suddenly Hu Tao pops up scaring you once again.
"Hi! Heard there'll be something on the house, can I have some?" She exclaimed excitedly as Xiangling looked concerned for you and a little annoyed at Hu Tao, but decided to just take it as a joke anyway, "Coming right up!"
"Anyway, I'm gonna start some gossip now, Apparently a harbinger is here again on some business, They've been at every other nation already, I kind of expected this but do you guys maybe know why they're going to every nation especially here now?" She asked whilst smiling.
A harbinger?? Like a fatui harbinger? I wonder if its him... Hes probably forgotten about me by now. Its been years after all.
Your expression faded into a frown.
You had such mixed emotions about him, you love him but you dont, you always think about coming back to him but you're scared. You're scared of just being a stress relief toy again. You want to be something more than tha..–
"Uhm..." You snap from the train of thoughts, as you try to look at Hu Tao you notice someone is blocking the way.
...
"I cant believe we're meeting again! Perhaps fate wants us to be together..." Hu Tao gets up, and defends you by covering you with her arms wide open, "Im sorry, but who are you to her?"
"Shes right! How do you know [Y/N]?!" You felt your heart drop. But also feel a bit of sadness and guilt for him. Tears threatnening to spill like crazy as you try to hold them back. "Calm down, I'm just here to give her something." Cheerfully said, it made you feel disgusted. Nauseous, afraid, relieved. "Its fine...guys—Hes just..." I pause. I want to run away. Why cant I? Whats wrong with me? I hate myself. Im scared.
A few beads of water run down your cheek, as you hear him getting up, your friends completely confused as he wipes your tears, placing something in your hands as he walks away happily. "What the actual fu–" Xiangling rushes to put her palm over Hu Taos mouth. "I think she prefers to not talk about this... –She starts whispering in her ear– Who the actual fuck was that??" she looks at xiangling, an expression saying ’girl what.’
"Its fine, whens the food ready Xia?" The first words are shaky, with your heart thumping like crazy. Trying to calm yourself down, wiping your eyes. "Oh! It should be ready about now!" She stops the fire, Grabbing two plates getting it ready to be served. "Be careful, its super duper hot" She smiled "Xiangling... How much chilis did you add in mine?" Hu Tao smiled fakely with a sarcastic irk mark popping up "U–uhmm.." "GET OVER HERE!!!"
She yelled as she chased Xiangling who started running away. I stare confusedly, before turning to an item Ajax placed in my hands. You flushed red, but you couldn't tell why, because you've finally got your hopes fulfilled, or if you were embarrassed and scared. Ah, this feels repetitive somehow.
As you get home after spending some time with them, you open the box hurriedly he gave as soon as you plopped down on your bed. "Meet me at xxxx-xxx at 9 hihihi^_^" Beneath the note was a pair of lingerie. The box feels a couple of years old, is it because hes been looking for me... or perhaps Im getting my hopes up.
Should I go...? You stare at the ceiling, contemplating it as its already 7. "Its unbelivable he still writes in that shitty way." You chuckle... till you heard rustling from outside a window. You get up so fast, turning to the source. Walking to it while picking up a dagger on your nightstand.
Opening it, to find nothing, but a small camera that fell on a bush and got stuck. You felt sick. Now you were really sure you hate him. Or are you just denying your feelings again? Who knows anymore. You decide to go meet him and confront him.
The location is a fancy restaraunt, so you've also decided to look your best in hopes of meeting a handsome dude during it.
till you've realized after coming inside... he rented the entire place. He smiled, Head resting ontop of his hands, elbows against the table as he admires you.
Scanning your entire body even through the table. "I was expecting you to not show up, How lucky I am!" His cheeriness made you annoyed. "...Lets get to the point. Why did I find this outside my window?" You slam the camera down onto the table. He glances at it, his smile fading away, looking back at you with a dull expression. "Hm..." He placed his hand against his chin, trying to think of something.
Your mouth started to water at how hot he looked for a second as you felt that same need pop up again, blushing a bright red from embarrassment as you sit down, retreating your hand back. "Huh? Whats wrong with you all of a sudden?" To no avail, you dont respond, wiping your mouth. "Hmm... Come here." He pat his leg. Signalling you to come over and sit on his lap.
"Are you crazy? Why would I do that...?" You scoff, "Its not like you have a choice now that you came here, I'm sure you know I dont like resorting to force." "How about you make me?" He annoyingly stares. "You're really making me do it? Fine." He walks over, and you already start to regret it, getting up from your seat and walking to the other side from the table as him.
"I–Ill do it- I'll sit down." You shiver. "Well you're stubborn huh." He sits back down on his seat, Looking at you, and looking back at his lap. You shyly sit down on his lap, feeling scared as you can clearly see he brought a knife with him. One of his arms wraps around you, and the other slides down your thigh as you flush red.
"What if people see us?" Hes nips at your bare neck, making you shiver. Its been so long since you've done it. "Mhm..." He lets you off of his lap, and you start to feel disappointed. Till he signals to go down the table, Just what is he plotting? You decide to go down, its so dark under here,
After all there is a long white cover... you accidentally grab onto his knee, while almost falling down and you feel an arm pull you closer. "Suck it," He demanded. "Hurry up, I'm getting impatient." You gritted your teeth annoyed. You try to find it, and there it is, its practically begging to be let out, its bulging so hard.
You unzip his pants, finally letting it free, as you grip onto it, hearing him grunt a little. You stroke it a few times, Has it gotten larger...? "You slide your mouth up and down it, tasting a bit of precum. "Fuck, Hurry up and put it in your mouth, you dont understand how long I've been waiting ever since you ran away like an idiot."
You try to take it in fully, But you just gag like crazy, coughing and almost hitting your head. An arm reaches out, and pats you as you try again, Taking it in slowly. Tears are frantically falling down, as you start to get more and more wet by the second along with a sore throat. You're having so much trouble because its been years,
it feels so much more girthy, you shove a few fingers down your undergarments, stroking your needy clit, and across your folds your hands are covered with your juices as you already cummed. He grunted some more but he started to sound more and more annoyed till he dragged you out, your perfect hair was ruined,
and you were dripping wet. You were already a mess when you both havent even actually started. He placed you down on his lap, as you felt his abs through the shirt and his dick pressing against your back. He looks up at you as you blush a bright red, your eyes shifting everywhere. "Fuck off, dont look at me like that..." He chuckles, his hand raising to cover his face as he does,
Before he fists his hair into a ball. "Tell me, and dont lie, how long have you wanted my dick inside of you for?" He sucks on a a spot of your breast, while pushing your dress down to reveal it. "For...ever since I ran away." He smiles, "Oh really? Do you need it now?" "Y...–yes.. 'Need it so bad." You bite your lip in frustration, as you try to unbutton his shirt. "Go on, ride me like the whore you are." He feels even harder that before... You move up, placing yourself on his tip, slowly trying to enter as he holds onto your arm to support you. "Hnngh..~...mmn.." As he abruptly pushes you down full, filling you to the brim, you yelp loudly, as you shake like crazy. Trying to take some deeps breathes to process what just happened, "Fucking asshole– Let me take my sweet time." He kisses you on the lips, "Mhm..~ Cant wait anymore longer though, love." Half of his shirts buttons are unbuttoned and you can see his abs along with some scars. His face is so unreasonably attractive when he smiles like that. "Right..." You slowly move up and down, as you start to feel that same euphoria you've been longing for. Your pace fastens, bobbing yourself up and down like crazy. "Haaah!!~ Fuck! Ajax...!!~ S–sso bi—g.." His hand latches onto your ass, digging into its plush, as you feel yourself getting so close, you can feel every hot smooth inch of him after so long. "Fuck... You're such a slut with this pace. This is the first in years we're doing it and you're already cock drunk." He sucks on your breast, moving his hand to your clit, rubbing it in a circular motion and the other pinching your nipple, he leaves hickeys on your chest as you stop to cum, still having him inside of you as he stops rubbing, You fall onto him exhausted,
"Uh-uh we're not done here." He pushes you onto the table having full view of your body as he takes his gloves off, latching onto your waist making you shiver from how cold his hands feel. He leans into kiss you, starting to thrust sloppily as you felt blood trickle down from your nose.
Your moans and whimpers are muffled with the kiss, His tongue swirling with yours as your breast starts to press against his chest, His arm wrapping around your waist and the other wraps around from behind onto your shoulder. You feel yourself close again, his pace starting to quicken with one of his hands moving down to rub your clit again,
his mouth moving away, nipping your lips drawing blood as he sucked on your neck constantly biting parts of your body. You snapped, cumming alot as he did too, his seed spilling out of you down onto the floor, your juices with his cum mixed, as everything was messy, hes even getting you pregnant too. After all, if you concieve his child wont you both get married and stay together forever?
but thats not enough.
He pulls a knife out, dragging it through your skin as you start bleeding and whimper as a reaction to it even when your unconcious. He carves his name into your arm, smiling as he licks the blood after he finishes.
"I love you... I love you... dont ever leave me again... it was so hard..." He burrowed his head into your neck, eyes rolling up as he cooes there, sitting still inside of your unconcious body.
.
.
.
You gasp, waking up with a throbbing headache. looking around you to find Ajax beside you, sleeping peacefully with swollen eyes and a bloodied knife on the nightstand. "Ah... this is my house." You raised your hand to your forehead till you felt the immense stinging pain on your arm, noticing his names been carved in.
"Is he fucking serious?" He suddenly wakes up, still half asleep confused on whats happening. "[Y/N]...? Are you there..?" He rubs his eyes swaying his arms around blindly trying to find you.. "Huhuhu... did you leave me again.." He starts crying again like a child. "Um. I'm right here...?" You take him into your arms, burrowing his head into your chest feeling his tears.
...
He smiles. but in what way?
#childe x reader smut#childe x reader#childe x fem!reader#ajax x reader smut#ajax x reader#genshin impact smut#tartagliaxreadersmut#tartaglia x reader smut#tartaglia x reader#ajax smut#childe smut#tartaglia smut
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kill bill
✶ content: a little bit of angst ??, makeup sex, vaginal sex, fingering, praise, dirty talk, creampie, the l bomb (a few times cuz im sappy), dom leaning mammon
✶ pairing: ex boyfriend!mammon x fem!reader
you and mammon had broken up about three months ago. you couldn't deal with his constant schemes to further his wealth, some of these schemes even dragging you down with him. the last straw for you came when the avatar of greed suggested to you that the both of you could monetize your sex life, starting an nsfw page on twitter and accepting donations.
you almost couldn't believe what you were hearing. mammon had always told you that you were just his, he wasn't willing to share you with anyone else. this was a major blow to you so you ended the relationship right then and there. you can still remember how mammon tried to act indifferent as if he couldn't care less, as tears welled in his eyes and threatened to spill over. you hadn't spoken to him or any of the other brothers since then, opting to stay with simeon, solomon, and luke for the time being.
"y/n, we know we love you but you can't stay here forever," luke tells you one day while you're brushing his hair. solomon looks up from the book he's reading, obviously amused. you stop brushing luke's hair. "i know that, i just can't bring myself to face any of them still" solomon laughs from his side of the room and you shoot him a death glare.
"it's best to just rip the bandaid off now, diavolo only gave you this accommodation temporarily anyway"
you reflect on this for a moment and can't help but agree. the group of boys had all been so kind to you in your time of need, you didn't want to continue mooching off of them. you pat luke's head and turn back to solomon. "you know, for once, you're actually right, i have to face them, including him" the boys in the room notice the way your expression changes when you mention mammon, even without saying his name.
solomon walks over and places a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "you don't have to leave right away if you don't want to, you're always welcome here" you give him a soft smile and stand to face him and luke. "like you said, it's best to rip the bandaid off now"
the three of you wait until simeon returns to tell him your plans of returning to your original dorm. as sad as he is to see you go, he agrees that its the best for you. the boys help you pack up your things and escort you back to the main dorms.
"y/n, if you want to come back at any point, just call us and we'll come get you right away" simeon tells you, pulling you into a tight embrace. you nod and wave goodbye to the three as you roll your suitcase towards the front door. a foreboding dread looms over you as your hand hovers over the door. so many memories made here, both good and bad. you muster up the courage to knock on the door. you hear rushed footsteps, a crash followed by a loud curse, and then the door swings open.
it's him.
mammon is stunned, probably never expecting to see you again. he's frozen for a moment before collecting himself. "it's uhm good to see ya, mc" you expected it to be this awkward. you nod. "yea good to see you too, mammon, i'm here to move back in" you say, gesturing towards your suitcase. his eyes widen at that for a moment before returning to normal.
"yeah, of course, come right in" mammon steps aside to let you into the house. he leads you to your old bedroom, stopping when the two of you get to the door. you expect the two of you to part ways but instead, he speaks up. "mc, can we talk please?" you blink owlishly at him before nodding and leading him into your bedroom. you both side on your bed, ample distance between each other.
for some reason, all the memories of the things you and he had done in this room come flooding back. hot and intense memories invade your brain, causing you to clear your throat and cross your legs. mammon takes notice of this but doesn't say a word. "so what did you have to talk to me about?" mammon turns to you, deadly serious.
"listen, i know you probably won't forgive me but i'm sorry, i've regretted what i did since you left 'cuz i lost the love of my life"
he pauses.
"i just want you to know that not a day has gone by where i didn't think of ya, mc" he sighs and moves to stand and leave, already anticipating rejection. you reach out and grab his arm. "mc, huh wh-"
you cut him off, slamming your lips against his. the kiss is returned almost instantly, mammon moving to wrap his arms around your waist. he hoists you up and you wrap your legs around his waist, arms locking around his neck. neither one of you comes up for air as he walks over to your dresser and places you on it. his tongue invades your mouth as you both fight for dominance. mammon is the first to pull back, pupils blown wide.
"i'm gonna show ya how much i missed ya"
he roughly drags your sweats down your legs, underwear following soon after. he groans, taking in the sight of your exposed cunt. mammon slides one finger into your tight cunt, causing you to moan. once he deems you loose enough, he slides another finger in. he's curling his fingers just right, hitting that sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you. mammon leans down close to your ear. "tell me how bad ya want me, tell me ya only belong to me, mc"
you grip his forearm, squirming, pleasure becoming intense. your eyes roll back as your orgasm approaches but mammon stops his movements and smacks your thighs. "what did i say, mc?" you're full on desperate now, orgasm ripped away from you.
"please, mammon! i'm all yours, i want you so bad, just please fuck me!"
a smile takes over mammon's face as he pulls his fingers from your cunt. "that's my good girl, i'll give you what ya want now" he unzips his pants, freeing his cock. mammon had always gone commando, a detail you'd almost forgotten. he strokes his cock a few times before angling it against your throbbing hole. you yelp as he begins pushing it inside. he leans over and places a gentle kiss on your forehead. "don't worry baby, doing so well for me" you reach your hands out to pull him closer and he obliges, pushing you further up on to the dresser. he bottoms out and gives you a moment to adjust. you begin kissing along his neck and he takes that as a sign that you're ready.
mammon slides all the way out of you before slamming back in. he maintains a steady pace, rocking both of you as you clutch onto him for dear life. "mine, pretty girl, all mine, love you so much" the room is filled with your loud cries and the occasional grunt and whine from mammon. "fuck! mammon mm gonna cum!"
mammon digs his nails into your hips, picking up the pace. "ya gonna cream on my dick, baby?" you nod mindlessly. mammon smirks. "i want ya to cum all over this dick and ima fill ya up, okay? you keep nodding, pressure building. "make sure everyone knows ya belong to me" mammon bites down on the side of your neck, hard. you come undone after this, cumming hard around his cock. mammon finishes not long after, filling you up with his seed. he pulls out, cock coated in the evidence of your lovemaking. mammon's cum begins to drip out of you and onto your dresser and you whine.
mammon moves to pick you up, swooping you up into his arms bridal style. "c'mon mc, lets get ya in a bath" you nuzzle into his neck, already drifting off to sleep. "i missed you, mammon" he laughs. "i missed you too, mc" you yawn, attempting to stretch your legs in his grip. "i love you" you say, finally falling asleep.
"i love you more than you'd ever know"
#om!#obey me#shall we date obey me#obey me smut#mammon x reader#mammon obey me#obey me x reader#mammon smut#obey me imagines#obey me mammon x reader#fem!reader#gutzworks
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last twilight ep 5 thoughts feelings etc.
eyy actually watched this earlier and rewatching it, so things should be a little less feral and unhinged. actually took notes my first watch through as well (wtf am i doing)
once again i love how stories are our constant companions in this show. i love how they keep playing with the parallels between worlds, it's one of my absolute favorite things in storytelling.
i love the fact that day is now 'invisible' in the world of badminton but he can still experience all of the joy of the game by supporting his friends. badminton was such a big part of his life and he doesn't have to leave it all behind, he just experiences it a little differently now.
film is so fucking pretty even covered in 'sweat.' i do love the show let her be 'sweaty' and disheveled instead of having perfect hair and make up after what was clearly a hard game. GIVE ME SWEATY WOMEN. (god im so gay)
so i said it last week but the only time we've ever seen mhok be violent is when he's been protecting the people close to him. (his garage bro, porjai x 2, etc) and we see him ready to do it again when august confronts day. there is no doubt in my mind that mhok was fully prepared to bury that bitch for even daring to make day the slightest bit afraid.
and god how scary does that have to be? you can't see, you're already nervous to be here, and suddenly someone is shouting at you - and maybe you don't recognize them at first because you haven't heard their voice in over a year but all you know is they're coming closer and they're so angry. i can't imagine anything scarier than that.
ahh, a broken picture frame representing a broken bond, an absolute classic metaphor. an oldie but a goodie.
once again i love that we see day's rage. anger really is such a big part of coming to terms with being disabled. i got some bad news a few weeks ago about my own disease and i've spent the last few weeks so angry and frustrated and then just sad. it's such a complex journey and the show is doing an absolutely brilliant job of showing that.
i do owe day's family a small smidgen of an apology since day is the one that asked it to be kept a secret, HOWEVER, i do think that conversation should have been revisited after a fucking year. how long were they just going to let him live in isolation? like cool for respecting his agency, not cool for letting him waste away in a tomb of his own making.
FINALLY WE GET MHOK OPENING UP.
so here's the thing with mhok. i love him. no - the real thing is i see so much of myself in him. my friends and family constantly get frustrated with me because i will never tell them when something is wrong or when i'm shouldering a lot of emotions about something. when i got the bad news about my disease i hid in my office and cried at my desk and then cleaned myself up and pretended nothing happened. fuck, i feel like i understand mhok on such a deep level.
not to get too into it but my own habits stem from neglect in my formative years, and i have to wonder if mhok's behavior maybe stems from his isolation in prison? oftentimes people with these behavior patterns will self isolate, either deal with or bury their emotions, and then emerge back into their friend group as if nothing happened. (am i talking about myself again? shhh.) mhok didn't really have a choice - sure you can write letters, have visitors, but a large part of his day was probably handling his grief in solitude. he's probably gotten so good at "handling it" and pushing everything down and dealing with everything in silence that he doesn't know how to handle it any other way now.
to make things worse, it happened over a year ago. he probably feels like he should be "over it" and not make it a big deal. maybe i'm projecting just a smidge (just a lot) but i do think it's something interesting to keep in mind. either way, him finally talking about rung to day is fucking MASSIVE, both for their relationship and mhok's emotional wellbeing.
august is fucking king of mixed signals and i don't super like that he looked for mhok's permission to lead day through the court. why the fuck are you looking at mhok when you could just ask day? if you look closely, as mhok is letting go day curls his fingers around the hand that mhok uses to remove his hand from his arm.
i do love we see mhok pushing day a little more out of his comfort zone as he did in earlier episodes.
porjai is so fucking pretty. is there anything more attractive than a woman in shorts and an oversized band tee? no. no there is not.
and again we see how much time and effort mhok has put into being day's caretaker - and his friend. he did research and learned methods that would make dining out easier for day. i love him so much! i don't know how day could still be thinking about august after that adorable little date.
UGH OKAY SO. HERE'S WHERE WE GET INTO MY BIG FEELINGS.
in my opinion, the theme of this episode has been "being late." here's why.
the boys were very nearly, or were, late to gee's badminton game
you could consider mhok 'late' to tell day about rung
day thinks he's too late to confess to august
mhok realizes he's come into day's life too late to receive his affection
and then we have august's literal late arrival (i still dont know what fucking game this jackass is playing)
this also ties in to a little trend i've been noticing in regards to mhok that oftentimes he's too late in life.
he was too late to save rung, and learned of her death late
he was too late to receive the mechanic job as it had 'already been given to someone else'
he was a late arrival to the interview to become day's caretaker
and again, he's entered day's life too late to receive his affection (or so he thinks)
i genuinely don't know if this is intentional, but i think it's something interesting to draw connections to.
anyway, again, i dont know what the fuck august's deal is but i can tell you if i was day i'd be getting over my feelings for him real fucking quick. i don't super like that august shows up, hears about day's feelings, and asks mhok to keep his being there a secret - but i do understand it and i do understand mhok's side of things. i don't think he does it out of his own selfishness, i think rather he realizes august likely doesn't return day's affection and letting him think august didn't show up is possibly the kinder of the two scenarios. (my only hope is we don't see august return and try to woo day or something later with this knowledge)
i do love that mhok stayed. he was concerned and it might seem a little overbearing but day was clearly nervous for this outing and all in all it's good that he stayed. and then he made sure to salvage the evening for day and take him out on a proper date. maybe it's not the date day wanted but it looks like he had a great time (perhaps even a better time) spending a day with someone he could relax and be himself around.
flowers have so many different meanings across cultures and tbh i'm far to tired to dig into the thai meaning of hydrangeas (if there are any) but i do think hydrangeas are neat. this is prob common knowledge but the color of hydrangea petals is determined by the ph balance in the soil they're grown in. (blue hydrangeas grow in soil with a ph balance of 5.2-5.5, far more in the base range than red hydrangeas that grow in a ph balance of 6.0-6.2, and once the soil reaches acidic levels it tends to produce pink flowers)
i guess maybe if you wanted you could draw a connection to how malleable mhok is becoming and how his environment is changing him.
scientifically, sunflowers are also an interesting flower because they are often used to heal damaged and irradiated soil. they're so fucking resilient and help heal the world around them. i think there's a lot of connections we can make there with both mhok and day, regardless of flower symbolism and going purely on science.
anyway sorry to be a science nerd.
that's all ive really got for this episode, i say, as if i have not written you all a novel. this show continues to make me feel so much and tickle my brain in such a delightful way. between this and moonlight chicken p'aof has definitely made me a fan for life.
tag loves: @benkaaoi | @callipigio | @lookwhatihave
(once again pls always feel free to lmk if you want to be added or removed)
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miss americana & the heartbreak prince | pt 2 | wilbur soot
it's you and me
that's my whole world
You woke up to your phone ringing, you groaned. 2am, who the fuck was calling at 2am. You rubbed your eyes, answering. "Hello?" You asked, voice tired and hoarse. "Y/n! Okay so I've been thinking about those lyrics you wrote, and I wrote some of my own to add to it!" Wilbur said, voice cheery but also slurring a little. "Wilbur, are you drunk?" You asked, sighing tiredly. "A tad, but please just listen to this. I've been up all night thinking about your lyrics and i had to add to it. Okay? Are you listening?" He asked, putting his phone on speaker. "Can't this wait till tomorrow?" You asked, yawning. "I'm not sure I'll have to courage tomorrow so please, just listen." He said, you sighed once more before humming in response. "Okay, okay," he said before strumming a few chords. "It's you and me, that's my whole world. They whisper in the hallway, 'she's a bad, bad girl.' The whole schools rolling fake dice. You okay stupid games, you win stupid prizes. It's you and me, there's nothing like this. Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince. We're so sad, we paint the town blue. Voted most likely to run away with you," he sang, not even slurring once. "Okay, thoughts?" He asked, slightly out of breath.
So many thoughts were running through your head. It's you and me, that's my whole world? His whole world? You were his whole world? No that didn't make sense to you, how could- why did- your tired mind couldn't fathom it. "Your silence is scaring me," wilbur chuckled. "No- im just speechless.. wait, people call me a bad girl?" You asked, giggling tiredly. "Oh come on, that's all you got out of it? It's you and me, that's my whole world," he repeated the lyric. Oh, he really meant it? "I-I got that part, it's amazing Wilbur. Really, it's amazing." You said. "Okay, cool. So you'll come over tomorrow? Maybe we can work on the song more!" He said. "Wil, we've been through this, im not the singer here. That's you." You said. "You keep saying that but I just don't think it's true. I've never heard you sing, but I bet it's amazing! Pleaseeee, please y/n," he said, drawing out the word please. "Fine, I'll be over tomorrow. Okay? Will you sleep now?" You asked. "Maybe," he said. You giggled tiredly. "Okay, goodnight wil," you said. "Goodnight y/n." He said before hanging up. Your heart was beating so fast, it was so hard to sleep just thinking of him and this stupid song.
You woke up the next day, tired and worn out. Around 1pm you called Wilbur. "Hello?" His voice was groggy. "Hey Wil, I don't know if you remember calling me last night but you wanted me to come over. Did you still want that?" You asked. "Shit, i- i was drunk last night. I'm sorry i called you so late." He said with a sigh. "It's okay, don't worry Wil. It's not the first time you've called drunk," you giggled. Wilbur groaned, "I'm so sorry," he said and you giggled again. "You can come over, just give me a second to clean up okay?" He said. "Okay wil, I'll see you soon." You said, smiling before hanging up.
You arrived at Wilburs house around 2, knocking on his door and waiting for him to come downstairs. Wilbur was quick to answer, hair still wet from the shower. "Hey!" He said. "Hi," you smiled, walking into his cozy apartment. He always kept it a bit warm due to the chilly weather outside. "So.. how bad was I last night?" He asked as he followed you to his room. "Well, you were very insistent that I listen to the lyrics you came up with," you giggled, sitting at his desk. "Of course I did," he chuckled, sitting on his bed. "Did you at least like them?" He asked. "I actually loved them! It worked really well with what I wrote." You smiled and wilbur smiled back. "I'm glad to hear. Now where do you want to start?" He asked as he pulled out his own song journal where he would scribble lyrics endlessly. "I have no clue, you're the song writer here." You giggled. "Well, i think we already have a chorus.. so all we need is the first verse.. and the second... a bridge.. maybe a pre-chorus?" He said. You sighed, "that's a lot.. how the hell do you do this?" You asked. "It takes time. There's no way we'll get this done in one day but it's a start." He shrugged. "What kind of story do you want to tell?" He asked. "I mean.. It's.. it's about us.. so the story about us? I don't know." You sighed. "Let's see what we can do. How do you feel about me?" He asked.
Well, that was a loaded question. How did you feel about him? You never really asked yourself that. You never needed to answer that. "I- let me just write and see what I come up with.." you said, grabbing your own journal from your bag. You sat it down on the desk and stared at the blank page. "Don't think too hard about it, okay? Just write, write anything. I'll give you a minute. I need to figure out the melody." He said and you nodded. You listened to him play the guitar quietly as you stared at the page. You had no clue what to write, you didn't want Wilbur to find out you liked him this way.. but somehow this felt like the right way.
"Wilbur, i don't know," you sighed after a few minutes. "Okay, look at me," he said, setting the guitar down. You turned and looked at him. He was so beautiful, so sweet, so caring. "What do you feel? What do you think when you see me?" He asked. "I-I think you- you're sweet.. you care about me.. I adore you" you said. "Okay, use that. Write that, it doesn't have to rhyme yet. We can worry about that later." He said. You nodded and turned back to the page and began writing. Wilbur waited patiently for you to stop writing. "Okay, done." You said. "Read it to me." He said. "Y-you know I adore you... I'm crazier for you... I don't know what to put next," you muttered. "That's perfect!" He smiled. He couldn't hide the blush rising on his cheeks and he didn't want to. "Here, let me see that," he said and you handed him the journal and pen. "You know I adore you, im crazier for you..." he stopped, tapping the pen on his cheek. "What about, 'then i was at 16.. lost in a film scene'?" He asked. You looked at him confused. "I know you didn't know me at 16, but i remembered how you told me about how you'd watch all those movies, the cringey romance ones. You'd lose yourself in those movies, pretending you were in them. I just- it works. Right?" He said, smile on his face. You blushed heavily, "you remembered that?" You asked. "Of course, i always found it cute how you'd make me watch those romance movies. Like, they're all cringey but you love them." He said. "It's... it's perfect." You smiled, taking the journal back. "You know I adore you, im crazier for you than I was at 16, lost in a film scene." You read the lyrics out loud. They were perfect.
#wilbur soot x you#wilbur soot x reader#wilbur soot angst#wilbur soot x y/n#wilbur soot imagine#wilbur soot fluff#wilbur soot fanfic#wilbur soot fanfiction#wilbur soot
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tuesday again 9/19/2023
unknown flu-like-symptoms-but-not-the-flu-or-COVID problems
listening
no one particular thing has been stuck in my head so here are two short little things
youtube
new release Strike by La Femme is a delightful synthy one-minute sketch of a car chase in the pouring rain. spotify
Trumpet Sketches - Remastered by Janko Nilovic is a 1:40 doodle. when the organ hits... spotify
i have been following La Femme ever since i loved their credits song for As Above So Below, and the trumpet sketches are off the spotify recommended
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reading
actually finished this book last tuesday, still reading berserk, but i don't have coherent berserk thoughts bc im still stuffing my entire elbow into my mouth and screaming about it.
The Stolen Coast, by Dwyer Murphy, has a lot of problems. the first problem is that the publisher bills it as a "noir jewel heist" novel when it is in fact a vibes novel about being sad and trapped in massachusetts. which, mood! but very much not what i or any other goodreads reviewer signed up for.
ABOUT THE STOLEN COAST
Adrift in a sleepy coastal Massachusetts town, a man who ferries fugitives by day gets twisted up in a plot to pilfer diamonds in this Casablanca-infused heist novel.
Casablanca is a real fuckin goddamn reach. this is like saying Home Alone 2 and The Taking of Pelham 123 are similar bc they both have pivotal scenes in subways. when you are expecting a cool noir jewel heist and you get a vibes book, it feels very meandering and indecisive with exceptionally poor pacing and very light on the plot. dwyer knows how to put a sentence together, and there is a high degree of aesthetic polish, but i lived in mass and found myself filling in a lot of the vibes from lived experience. this is a book that expects you to already know *extremely* minute regional accent differences.
i often found myself more interested in the antagonist lawyer and his wife (who has a standing weekly appointment to fuck her bodyguard at the region's finest wedding destination hotel, and orders champage afterwards every week) than the protagonists of our story. the femme fatale loops all the way back around to manic pixie, which i didn't know was possible for a woman to do. as an example of the aesthetic polish but editorial disarray of the book, wherein we know so much about our protagonists but so little of it is relevant, i was convinced that "our main man Jack is a Harvard lawyer" was a long running gag for most of the book (a la "our good for nothing son is actually Very Important and just slumming it here") and was actually quite anxious to see if the actual lawyer would ferret him out, but no. jack is actually a real lawyer but it simply does not fucking matter.
there are a. number of happenings that mr murphy tries to pass off as luck and just like Ha Ha Things Just Break Like That Sometimes but it really just feels like acts of god. their planned heist breaks bad for them with no consequences and then breaks very well for them with very few consequences. this is not a long book. the actual heist felt like filling time.
it's a book that's very very good at capturing the New England depression and sense of stagnancy, for want of a nail etc, the bizarre little self-important snow globe everyone lives in, but everyone has such small ambitions. this is sort of the point of noir, that the rot never actually changes no matter what you do, but the protag is the perpetrator of the rot? this is largely a personal crisis that he’s choosing not to address. perhaps most unforgivably, for such a short book it dragged a whole fuck of a lot.
i have been betrayed by whoever did this npr book review
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watching
Forty Guns (1957, dir Fuller). this is the most movie reviewer ass section ive written in a minute. this one is for sickos only. it is not an interesting movie by itself (choppy and kind of messy) but it is an interesting movie if you know the limitations of the genre and the hays code it's slamming up against.
youtube
there is simply So Much that happens in this movie (from the very good Criterion Collection essay):
While the story sounds rather tidy in summary, the plot of Forty Guns is rife with intrigue and action—juggling political corruption, theft, betrayal, an unwanted pregnancy, a serious maiming, three romances, four murders, and a suicide.
there's some oddly dorky but endearing straight people visual and verbal double entendre. visually unique but does not stick its landing, and i don't know that i love the original ending as opposed to the studio ending either.
it gets a solid B on the "westerns i would let other people watch" list. not one of the top three movies to convince someone that some westerns are good actually, but a fun little weird offshoot of the genre.
why did i watch this: surely by seeing a post from another cowboyblogger? it was fairly recently added to my letterboxd watchlist, but the why of it i could not tell you
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playing
im convinced theres a bug in the Court of Fontaine region in g/enshin bc i have been stuck at 97% for several weeks now. tick over to 100% godddamnit.
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making
acquired all the stuff to dye a couch cover, have not actually dyed the couch cover, due to being down with some sort of sickness
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