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sleekista · 2 months

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but i didn't did pour the whiskey

barça femeni x reader

overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?

A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'

TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it

!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!

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In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.

To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.

To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.

Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.

It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.

Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.

Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.

But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.

So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.

Cry until you feel like you've felt something.

Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.

- - - - -

You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.

Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.

You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.

This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.

What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.

So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.

"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.

You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.

No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.

You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.

- - - - -

It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.

You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.

Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.

Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.

When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.

Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.

You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?

And why?

Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?

- - - - -

You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.

But wasn't it already?

So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.

In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.

So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.

Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.

Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.

You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.

- - - - -

Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.

Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.

"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.

"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

- - - - -

Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.

The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.

"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.

"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.

"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.

"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."

"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"

“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”

"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."

"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.

"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.

"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.

A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.

"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.

Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.

—————————————————————————

i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently

this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)

#woso #woso community #woso x reader #woso fanfics #barcelona femeni #barca femeni #barcelona femeni x reader #barca femeni x reader

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angelicnymph · 1 month

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♟Mafia Boyfriend Geto Suguru comforting you during your period♟

!!Cw: Slight Mafia mention, Both reader and Suguru are consenting adults, no kidnapping involved, reader voluntarily went to Suguru, abusive family.

NOTE: You are still living at your old house with your family.

Kindly please support me by liking and reblogging my posts. It helps a lot. <3

You woke up this morning feeling something wet dripping in your underwear. You quickly went to the bathroom and took a warm shower, pour hot water in your hot bag and flop back to bed as you were in excruciating pain due to your cramps. You curled yourself into a ball, and fell asleep.

You woke up again in the afternoon and exchanged texts with your boyfriend. He apologised that he wasn't available this morning as he went on a mission. You shrugged it away and told him it was alright as you could manage your period.

18 00

You got out of your room, passing by the living room to go to the bathroom to do your business when you heard your bitchy aunt mentioning your name.

"You see Y/n could have done the job. After all, she just laid on her bed all day doing nothing.",

upon hearing this from your aunt, knowing she brought this up because she knew you were passing down and could hear her, your anger got the best of you. Your hormones were kicking you as well. You were in excruciating pain since this morning.. you were tossing around in your bed, hell you could barely make it to the bathroom without fainting.

"Well if you checked up on me, you would see why I was laying on my bed whole day. I was in pain."

You were going to rant on more to her but you decided to cut your conversation short as she would only give you a migraine with her bitchy attitude.

You went to the bathroom, did your business and then went to your room and started overthinking about your recent interaction with your aunt.

Just then, like an angel, your boyfriend, Suguru, called you.

Suguru: Hello Princess. How are you doing ? Is it paining too much?

You: Hi baby. Uhm it's- it's okay.

Suguru: Baby. Dont lie to me. Tell me what's going on? Is it that aunt of yours again?

Suguru: That bitch!

Suguru: Baby. Do me a favour. You know that convenience store in your locality ?

You: Yeah. What about it?

Suguru: Come.

You: What? Baby you are here?

Suguru: Yes sweetheart. Thought I'd just come to see your pretty face but given the recent incidents, I'm taking you with me babe. Ain't no way I'm letting my girl spend her vulnerable days in such a shitty house with a bitchy family. I'll be waiting for you Princess.

With that, you both cut the call as you took a small bag, put your necessary underwears, pad, a few other essentials. You didn't bother to bring clothes except a few comfortable nightwears as you already had a few t-shirts at Suguru's, more like his t-shirts which he gave you.

You quickly made your way to the convenience store as you spot a familiar man with a halfbun, long hair draping over his back leaning over a familiar range rover.

You couldn't bear it anymore as you launch yourself in his arms. Fortunately, Suguru parked a bit further away in the dark where people wouldn't really spot you both.

You held him tight as you buried your face in his chest as you cried your heart out and ramble everything to him, while he just hug you tight, pressing kisses on your forehead and whispering "it's okay" "I'm here now" "I'll take care of you" to you softly.

He waited for you calm down by yourself as you pulled away from him sniffing with glossy eyes, his arms still tight on your waist. He looked at you for a few seconds before pressing a lingering kiss on your forehead.

"You feeling better baby?"

You just nodded as he took your small bag, took a peak inside and put it in his car.

"Do you need anything more princess? Are you having a particular cravings?"

You simply whispered no.

"Hmm okay. Let's get in the car then baby.", he said as he opened the door to the passenger seat. You climbed inside as he quickly went to the driver seat. He reached a bag from the backseat as he gave it to you.

You looked inside as you saw your usual period cravings and the tampon/pad you used in the correct size. You simply smiled as you looked at him, noticing that he was already looking at you.

You leaned to hug him again which he gladly obliged as he pressed a kiss on your forehead, another one your nose and finally one your lips before you both pulled away and Suguru fastened your seat belt before fastening his and he took off.

While Suguru was driving, you texted your mom that you went to stay with Suguru. Your mom knew your relationship with Suguru and was supportive about it given how much hardships you go through with your other family members and she knew how much you deserved to be with Suguru.

You put you phone in the cup holder as you finished texting your mom and sighed as you looked outside the window.

Suguru reached a hand on your thigh giving it a squeeze as you looked at him.

"Thank you so much Suguru. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Baby it's okay. Afterall what kind of man would I be if I let my girlfriend suffer in such a shitty environment? You don't deserve this babe. You deserve so so much better. "

The rest of the ride was silent with the music playing in the background as you looked outside and Suguru focused on the road.

Suguru knew that as much as you crave contact, you needed mental space sometimes so he did provide it to you. But he also let you know that he's there by constantly keeping his hand on your thigh.

20 15

You both reached Suguru's penthouse in the City as he parked his car and get you out of the car.

He quickly gave you your bag and the other bag containing the things he brought for you before scooping you in his arms and carrying you upstairs claiming that he doesn't want to let you climb the stairs because he's the man.

He let you down as soon as you both reached the kitchen as he told you to make yourself home.

"Baby did you eat yet?"

"Uh not really. But I'm kind of craving potato Wedges and I was hoping if I could bake some?"

"Oh- how about you go have a shower and I bake you some?"

You insisted that he went shower first given that he was working all day but he simply urged you to go first and that's how you found yourself having a hot steamy shower while he was preparing your potatoes.

You came back to the kitchen in a pair of shorts and Suguru's old t-shirt. Suguru quickly saw you as you ran into his arms once again. He kissed your cheek as he told you he's going to take a shower and if you could just bring out the baked potato Wedges once it was ready.

You sat on the counter of the kitchen watching tiktoks before the oven clicked and you took out the potato Wedges.

That's when you noticed the smoothie in the blender. You assumed that it was protein smoothie for Suguru which he was preparing as the smoothie was still cold.

You poured the smoothie in a beer glass and you brought the blender to the sink.

As you were washing it, you felt someone behind you and before you could tell anything, you felt a hot water bag pressed to your tummy.

"What's my princess doing?" he whispered in your ear.

"Was just washing the blender."

"Oh- my protein shake is ready.", Suguru said as he took at the glass of protein shake on the counter and drank it.

You looked at him as he was drinking the protein shake as he raised an eyebrow at you.

"You want some?"

"Yeah. I was actually craving some milk."

Suguru smirked at you as he got out a shot glass and poured some for you as he handed it to you and continued drinking his own.

You looked at the shot glass and then drank it up. It was thick.

"That's not milk."

"It is. I just mixed oats and protein powder with it."

Suguru said as he finished drinking his protein shake and put it in the sink.

You put yours too and was going to wash it as Suguru stopped you and started washing it himself.

"Take the Wedges and go sit on the sofa baby. Pick a movie."

You complied to him as you went to the sofa and picked a random movie as he came to you not so long after. You both shared the Wedges as you watched the movie, occasionally laughing and giggling and throwing comments about the film.

As soon as you finished eating, Suguru paused the movie and took you to the bathroom where he passed you a new toothbrush and toothpaste as you both carried on with your night routine.

You both then returned to the living room to continue your movie. You snuggled to him as you loved his body warmth, it was better than your water bottle. You cling onto him like a koala as he circled his arm around you and started massaging the knots in your belly, providing you comfort. Your eyes started feeling heavy listening to his heartbeats as your head was on his chest as well.

22 15

It didn't take long for you to fall asleep as Suguru switched off the TV and picked you up and went to his bedroom. He removed his shirt as he wanted to provide you much body warmth as he could, checked if your water bottle was still warm enough and then slid behind you and spooned you.

You sighed in content in your sleep due to the surrounding warmth as Suguru turned off the lamps and pressed a kiss on your nape and drifted to sleep himself.

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iciatheguardess · 4 months

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Hiiii it’s meeee elsie

conflicted Elsie

Look, you know as well as I do that I love TAOCC to freaking death

but like

I may have to partially step away from it after the current arcs are over.

these goofy goobers took over my life for the last three-ish months, and while I’ve had an amazing time, it’s…caused me to neglect other parts of my life, and restrict myself more than I should when it comes to how I am on this site. I’ve stated my intention to try and branch out multiple times but I never go through with it because I just…I have things to write here! I can’t! And yeah it’s fun but sometimes I get hurt even if people don’t mean to, like, I’ve gotten legitimately ill from this once or twice.

But I feel like even trying to step away a bit is somehow abandoning all of you or betraying your trusts. I want to stay friends with you guys, but my actual life and Irlsie has to come first most of the time, because I am not JUST Elsie, if that makes any sense. Elsewhere is and was always meant to be a sona for some interaction, maybe some friendos, but nothing this…involved, because I can’t put all of my social effort onto the internet because no matter what I do, the internet is not a completely genuine place, and I’ve accepted that. There are some parts of my personality I just don’t use. You don’t really ever see calm Elsie or mental illness Elsie or sappy Elsie, maybe once or twice, and that’s intentional. This is Writing Elsie’s blog, lol, but there’s other Elsie that needs to be allowed to exist outside of the internet, and I can’t neglect her or my actual life for the sake of this.

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I love these characters on a very personal level, and have poured my heart into them, and I don’t want to straight up leave them. Even only partially separating myself seems kinda pointless because I know what happens when someone gets really behind on the lore and has to be caught up on even just a day’s events to explain why Character A looks like this now or Character B is referencing this event, etc. etc.

But there’s a point where it’s not healthy anymore. Where things reach a place where I have to admit that this can’t be my entire life anymore. And I’m not entirely sure what on earth I should do about it…

If I do somewhat step back, it’ll probably be right after the vacation arc ends. i’m gonna pour my fluff loving heart and soul into that thing, don’t you worry. But you shouldn’t expect another dungeon or something like that from me unless I have a VERY good reason and a well formulated plan. Yes, I’ll probably still engage in shippery and fluff, as well as analysis, but mostly within the bounds of characters and dynamics we’ve already established, and not much farther than that. My one exception to the “after the vacation arc” rule would probably be Yelena’s arc, because of how long things in that section tend to take, for various reasons. Yelena’s arc is barely started, and stuff takes possibly days to move even a few hours in-universe. Sooooo….yeah, I wanna finish that, I’ve put too much work into it already to just stop it.

…dang this was only supposed to be a paragraph…

…pls halp, I have no idea what to do lol.

Ok. I've read over this a couple times.

First off, I'm talking to you as L here, and not Star. I am very, very proud of you for acknowledging this and understanding that this is getting unhealthy. I think it's very smart that you dont want to neglect your yourself irl and the fact you're saying this, and saying exactly what you'll be doing, I'm really proud of it.

To give you a clear answer, if it's going to help you irl then I think stepping back is smart. Especially from the trauma and angst, because that stuff hurts a LOT and it can be really, really detrimental and negatively affect irl things. What I DONT think is that it's betraying anyone. You need to be able to put yourself and your needs first in order to be your best self, and everyone understands that you can't be on tumblr 24/7 because, well, that's really really really really unhealthy and not good. I'm really glad you're telling me about this though so I, and everyone else who sees this, knows.

TAOCC is really great but there's a LOT of heavy things on here and with everything going on, it can be super weighing and really affect people irl. I can speak from experience because honestly, I'm in a similar situation. I won't speak much about that though. It's definitely addictive and can get really really unhealthy if you let it, and honestly it's not hard to let it.

I want you to do whatever you feel is best for you, no matter what that entails. Fei and Tails and Xeya and Kumo and so many others and I love you so much and do NOT want you neglecting yourself and your life irl for this- it's meant to be entertainment, not a lifestyle.

I think it's smart to finish Yelena's Arc before partially stepping back. And I think it's even smarter to not want to do another dungeon, because that whole thing was a massive angst-fest and I think it negatively affected people more than they care to admit. Shippery and fluff and minor things is a good boundary.

I'll wrap this up now, but again, I'm in full support of this decision because I want you to be at your best. You're right, you're not just Elsie. And it's not fair for you to only be Elsie when you're so much more than that. If stepping away from tumblr will help you take care of the other parts of your life that we aren't involved in or aware of, then please do so because no part of you and your life should be sacrificed for the sake of entertainment.

Again, I'm really, really proud of you for admitting this.

Please know we'll always support you and you're super important to all of us, so don't ever feel bad for putting your needs first. Irl things should always come first.

But no matter what always remember:

WE LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOURE SUPER IMPORTANT AND WE WANT THE BEST FOR YOUUU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everything I said is applicable for everyone else reading this too. Taocc is fantastic and we love it but it shouldn't completely take over your life. It's okay to take a break or step back fully if it means the best for your health and irl life. Please remember to take care of yourselves- and everything that Elsie talked about here is FANTASTIC self care. It may be hard, but it's also the best decision she can make for herself and may be the best decision for others too.

Alright- I think I covered everything. Don't ever feel like you're betraying us Elsie- it's not betrayal, it's self care. We'll still be here for you, always. Never forget that ❤️❤️❤️

#iceanswers #modstar

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callsignrascal · 2 years

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Take Me Home

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw/Civillian!Wife!Reader

Summary: Being married to a Navy pilot had its fun, but sometimes her husband is gone for weeks or months at a time. She isn’t sure she can keep holding on to a love that comes and goes. Maybe he can remind her why it’s worth holding on to.

A/N: Just some hurt/comfort for fun. Or not fun. To each their own.

Warnings: Angst, with a (I guess) happy ending. no use of y/n ... i actually dont think i used Rooster's name once either so maybe u could imagine any of the he/him pilots here

The life of a military spouse is undeniably challenging. Being away from your partner for months or years at a time, assuming the role of a single parent, trying to balance a career while moving so often – all of these realities of military life can take its toll.

She found herself waiting for him again. It was clockwork really. He’d come home for a few days at a time, and she knew that before they could get too comfortable, he would be gone again. But, she was always waiting.

After a couple of years of the same old routine, it had begun to nag at her. She thought about it constantly; his absence, the unfounded bitterness that she felt toward him for not being around. Tonight, it was the only thing weighing on her mind as he returned home, even as they tried to ease back into a sense of normal that they had all but forgotten.

Despite her silence that he knew could only mean one thing, he still tried to make it a nice night. He had been gone for days this time, and all he wanted was to be with her. He was only worried that her coldness toward him would eventually lead to something else.

“There’s only a bottle of red left, I hope that’s okay,” he explained as he retrieved the last bottle of wine, grabbing two glasses before making his way back to the table.

“It’s been a rough week,” she explained. She watched him as he opened the bottle, placing the cork on the table, not even once glancing in her direction.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” she said as he poured her a glass of wine. The words came almost too easily. They had been on her mind for some time; building up until it was almost too much to handle anymore. It didn’t faze him though. He only finished pouring her glass before turning to focus on his own.

“Do what?” He asked finally as he set the bottle down, taking his seat across from her.

“This whole; finally having you home for a few days after being away for weeks or months, only to have to sit back and watch you pack again.”

“What has changed?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem. It’s always the same. You go away to God knows where, surrounded by God knows who… I never know what you’re doing, who you’re with, where you are half the time.”

“That’s my job. That’s been my job for as long as you’ve known me.”

“I know,” she said softly, “I think it’s just become too much.”

She picked up the wine glass, staring off at if for some time before taking a sip. He followed her movement, each of them sitting in silence for a while, taking in the heaviness of the discussion that was going to take place.

“Why is this an issue now?”

“I’ve been… so patient. Through this entire relationship I’ve sat around, waiting for you. When you’re gone, I’m just so alone, trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about you. And then I get you back for just a little while, and each time you have to leave again is harder than the last time.”

He let out a deep sigh, leaning back into his chair as he took a much longer drink from his glass. He averted his gaze from her, unable to look at her now that there were tears welling up in her eyes. He knew this had been difficult on her, it had been the downfall to every relationship he had ever had.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” He asked suddenly. She looked up at him, eyes wet with tears as he continued to stare at his glass, thumbing along the rim. He was wearing a crooked smile now, his laugh lines prominent at the corner of his eyes as he smiled at the memory.

“I do,” she replied. A small smile formed on her own face now. She definitely did remember that fateful night at the Hard Deck.

“You were wearing that stunning, black dress, the one I like. You were carrying drinks to your table that night, the one you sat at with all of your friends. Do you remember that? I think I was making my way to the bar and neither of us were watching where we were going…”

“And you ran right into me,’ she giggled. He glanced up at her, smiling wider when he saw her eyes watching him softly.

“I still uphold that you ran into me.”

“Either way, you ended up with beer poured all down the front of your shirt.”

“Yeah, and you were so cute the way you panicked.”

“Well, I had just poured beer on your service khakis. That's gotta be punishable in some way.” He took in her laugh, like a song that he had almost forgotten the words to. He hadn’t heard her laugh in a long time, and right now, he savored it.

“But, you got a towel from the bar and cleaned me up. And I ended up sitting there at your table with you, soaking wet and smelling like beer.”

“We talked for a really long time.”

“I still believe that I fell in love with you the second you ran into me. How long before you knew you were in love with me?”

“I’ve already told you,” she muttered, slightly embarrassed at the idea of bringing up the past.

“I want to hear it again. I’ll never get tired of hearing it.”

“I knew you were trouble as soon as I set eyes on you while you were on stage. Before the beer incident.”

He seemed pleased by her answer, taking another long sip of his wine.

“Do you remember the first time I kissed you?” He asked.

She felt her breath catch. If there was any memory that could bring on the butterflies, it was that particular one. She could feel the tears well up again; aching over the memory and how it seemed so distant now, especially as they sat here discussing the possibility of everything ending. He gauged her feelings easily, reaching his hand across the table to take hers. His hand was rough but gentle against her skin. She stared down at her hand in his.

“I do,” she whispered.

“Tell me,” he urged, whiskey-brown eyes staring into her almost desperate, “I want to hear it.”

“It was our second date,” she began, “you took me out to dinner and we talked all night. I remember laughing and just feeling so comfortable with you. And you walked me home. You asked if you could kiss me, and I said yes. So you did.”

“And?”

“And what? It was a kiss.”

“Well, I have very vivid memories of what it was like for me. Tell me how you felt.”

“I think we’ve done this before.”

“Yeah, we have. But, I think I need to hear it again,” he leaned his elbows on the table, resting his face in his hand as he watched her intently.

“All that I had thought about that night was your lips, how they might feel against mine. I had hoped that you’d make the move, and you did. It was soft at first. The second your lips met mine, my stomach flipped. It was as if I was kissing someone for the very first time. Or, maybe it was just the only kiss that ever mattered. And you deepened the kiss, and I remember the way my knees buckled and you had to hold me up. The only other time I ever felt like my head was swimming like that is when…”

“You’d break out a bottle of your favorite wine?”

“Yeah,” she chuckled, “it was like being drunk, in the best way possible. I wanted to kiss you forever.”

With that, he stood up, moving toward her and taking her hands in his. He pulled her gently from her chair, wrapping his arms around her waist as he brought his lips to hers finally. He couldn’t be sure that this was exactly the same, but the whole point was to reenact that first kiss. The whole point was to remind her why she had loved him in the first place, remind her of what it has been like in the beginning.

He took her in; the feel of her wine stained lips against his, the remnants of the bitter alcohol lingering on her tongue with a hint of sweetness.

Judging from the way she melted into him, pressing back eagerly against his mouth, he had assumed that he had succeeded.

“Then kiss me forever,” he whispered against her lips. He pulled back, allowing his face to rest into the crook of her neck where he placed soft kisses against her skin. He breathed in her scent, trying his hardest to memorize it now that was afraid that he might be losing her.

“Let’s go to bed,” he muttered against her. More than anything, he wanted to keep her in this moment; with the memories still fresh in her mind, the kiss still lingering on her lips. He wanted her to stay wrapped up in what they used to be, at least for tonight.

She nodded against him; her hand running gently along his jawline. He led her to the bedroom with only the thought of making her remember why she had waited for him this entire time to begin with.

They left the half-empty bottle, their empty glasses, and the mention of this relationship being too much; behind them. Some things were more important right now.

Two days later, she sat on the edge of the bed while she watched him pack again. Her mind ran wild as she watched him focus. He was going to Top Gun this time, not too far, but to be honest, she had stopped paying attention. Where he was didn’t matter to her, all that did matter was that he’d be gone again.

“It’s only three days this time,” he explained, “I’ll be home before you know it.”

“What makes you think I’ll be waiting for you this time?” She asked, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

He noticed the look of hurt in her eyes, more prominent now than it had ever been in the past.

“It will be your birthday,” he reminded her. He dropped what he was doing, moving to her where he kneeled in front of her as she sat at the edge of the bed. He took her face in his hands, pulling her in for a kiss. “I’ve made plans. It will be perfect, trust me.”

She did want to trust him; but as she watched him walk away yet again, she couldn’t help but wonder what he would be doing while he was gone.

She tried to keep her mind off of him for the first day. It was never easy. He invaded her thoughts constantly. Sometimes, it was her own thoughts about how much she missed him, other times, it was her own insecurities that made her doubt him. She had trusted him for this long, but surely him being away so much wasn’t easy on him either.

By day three, she was a lot more lonely. She opened a bottle of wine that she had bought earlier, set on drinking the thoughts of him away. It was getting old, trying to force herself into feeling less sad, less lonely. Honestly, it wasn’t working anyway. She drank until there was nothing left, and in the early morning hours, she sent him a text. Her face tingled due to the bottle of wine, eyes red and bloodshot from the tears she had cried yet again. “I miss you.”

She didn’t even intend to wait for his reply, she usually never got one. She was sad and angry again. Angry at the fact that he was willing to leave every time, sad that she kept herself always waiting for him. This time, he did reply. Her blurry eyes tried to focus on the text; “I miss you too.”

It should have been a relief really. But, she cried herself to sleep that night, angry now at how unfair it all was.

The next time he returned home, he brought gifts. It was her birthday after all. He watched her, grinning as she opened the small box. She looked up at him, mouth turned up at the corners upon seeing the bracelet that sat within, accompanied by a note:

“Put on that black dress; the one that I like, and your favorite heels. Tonight is all about you.”

She did just that as he showered. She slipped that dress on, the one that she hadn’t worn in a very long time. She slipped on her heels, suddenly feeling excited; the way she had in the beginning when he would take her out. She placed her new bracelet onto her wrist before finishing her look off with her wine-red lipstick.

She waited for him in the living room, anxious for the first time in years. He was trying so hard and she was still filled with doubts. When he entered the room, he too was dressed up. It was a far-cry from his usual jeans, white tank, and Hawaiian shirt. Tonight he had put on a pair of slacks and dress shoes, pulling on a waistcoat as he entered the room. She breathed in sharply upon seeing him like this. While she admired him, standing to approach him to help him adjust his waistcoat; he in turn, couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Look at you,” he muttered, brown eyes looking her up and down as she fixed the collar of his white button up.

“I’m surprised this still fits,” she replied, referring to the dress that she had worn the first time they had met.

“Don’t be surprised.”

“I’m getting old,” she chuckled, letting her hands linger against his chest.

“You’re still so beautiful, so perfect,” he replied. He wrapped his arms around her, leaning in to kiss her softly. He only wanted to remind her that he still loved her. Even after all this time, she was the only thing that he saw, and it was always perfect.

Dinner wasn’t the usual enjoyable time that they had together. The fact that she had said she couldn’t do this anymore just days earlier still remained on their minds. She sat there, drinking her wine, as she thought of what to say. He waited for it; the inevitable blow that was sure to come up again. They were twenty-five minutes into her birthday dinner and already through a bottle of wine when it finally came.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she reiterated. “I can’t keep waiting for you like this.”

He sat there, silent as he took in her words again. He knew this was hard on her, it was hard on him too. Nothing about this was fair. But, he had to try to remind her why they had stuck it out this entire time in the first place.

“Do you know how I get through work every time that I’m away?” He asked after a while. She looked up at him, slightly frustrated that he was ignoring her pleas, her pain.

“No,” she responded flatly.

“I pretend that I never met you.”

She didn’t look pleased by this. He watched as tears welled up in her eyes again, seemingly hurt by his words.

“It’s easier… less painful that way,” he continued. “It doesn’t work, but I try whatever I can to make it hurt less. Because it does hurt when I leave you, and I know it hurts you too.”

“Maybe it’s easier if we just walk away from it.”

“Give up?” He asked, pained over the fact that this was still on her mind.

“There doesn’t seem to be much left to hold on to.”

“Do you remember what you always told me in the beginning? When we started this and I had to go away?” He asked.

“Yes,” she muttered.

“You told me that I had to be stronger. You told me that I had to do what I had to do, and I had to be the strong one.”

“I did,” she replied. She glanced down at her wine glass, rolling the words over in her mind.

“You told me I had to keep trying.”

“Yes, but maybe after a while there’s nothing left worth trying for.”

“I’m still trying,” he breathed out. “I’m still here, and I’m still trying.”

She watched him now; aching over the pain present on his face. She knew she had been selfish. Surely it hadn’t been any easier for him, but it was her own loneliness and bitterness that she had focused on this whole time. She began to cry now; realizing a lot of things. This was hard on both of them, but she also knew that he would be gone in a few days. It would be a vicious cycle that never ended with them. He could sit here and try all he wanted, it didn’t change the fact that he would leave her alone again and again.

“Please don’t cry,” he said, reaching across the table for her hand again. She grasped onto it, desperate to hold on even if she believed there was nothing left to hold onto. “I know it’s been lonely for you, it’s been the same for me. But, the only thing that gets me through being away from you is knowing that in a few days, I’ll get to come home and see that pretty face. I know I’ll return to you, and it makes it all a little easier. It’s still the same. I miss you so much, but I’m always so happy to come back to you. Have you just stopped feeling that for me?”

“No,” she muttered, “of course not. I still love you. Now, it’s just that you come home and all I can think about the whole time you’re here is how you’ll be gone again.”

“What is it like for you when I leave and then come back?”

She was quiet for some time, thinking hard about how to answer him properly. There were a hundred different ways to describe the feeling of him leaving. What he wanted now was for her to explain what it was like when he came home to her.

“It’s like everything I’ve ever lost, coming back to me all at once.”

“You know,” he began, offering her a small smile, “when I’m gone and I come back to you; it’s like coming back to my home. Not my literal home, but the place where my heart belongs. I think that’s why I haven’t given up on this. I’d be lost without you.”

“I don’t think it will ever get easier though.”

“You’re right,” he replied, “but, for me, it’s worth a little bit of loneliness if it means I still get to come home to you.”

“You’re trying to make me stay,” she pointed out.

He stood from his chair suddenly, moving towards her as he pulled her from her chair again. This time he wrapped an arm around her waist, still holding one hand in his as he began to move her in a slow dance. She looked at him, confused now, but still following his lead as they danced.

“There’s no music,” she told him.

“There doesn’t have to be,” he said softly, “all that needs to be here, right now; is you and I.”

She said nothing. She simply rested her head against his shoulder as he continued to move her in their silent dance. She took a moment to memorize the way he felt against her, the way he was trying so hard to hold on to her. She thought about how selfish she had been. It was never that she wanted to leave him, all she really wanted was to be reminded of why she had held onto him for so long.

“Do you remember the first time we danced like this?” He whispered against her ear, his breath hot against her skin.

She nodded, closing her eyes as she thought back. She absentmindedly ran her thumb against her wedding band, recalling their wedding day.

“I remember how beautiful you looked on that day; how you walked down that aisle toward me.”

“I remember how nervous you looked when I finally got to you,” she grinned against his chest, “how you fumbled through your vows.”

“Do you remember the song?” He asked, pressing her to relive the moment.

“I do,” she replied. She began to hum the song quietly as he continued to dance with her. She was sure the guests at the restaurant were staring at this point, but she no longer cared as she found herself lost in the moment with him.

“And I held you… just like this,” he said as he pulled her closer to him, hand gripping tighter on her back almost as if he were afraid to let her go.

“Yes,” she hummed, feeling a sudden sense of comfort being in his arms like this, “and you told me you wanted to hold me like this forever.”

“Look at us,” he chuckled, “all these years later, and I’m still holding you like this.”

The tears had been building up again as he walked her through the memory of their wedding. Now, she let them fall when she realized that he had been trying so hard this whole time. All that she had given him lately was a guilt trip; a sense of disappointment over the fact that she was the one talking about letting it all go. She held him tighter, still thinking back to how perfect it had all been. Maybe it wasn’t so perfect now, but it was what they had.

“Do you remember what I told you?” He asked.

“I-I don’t think so..” she trailed off, thinking hard about what he might be referring to. She honestly couldn’t recall.

“I told you that I would love you forever,” he pulled back from her, eyes studying her intently, “and I meant it. I love you now, and I will love you even if you really think that you can’t stay.”

Her breath caught at his words, choking up when she saw the tears in his own eyes. She had almost forgotten their vows and what all of it had meant then and what it meant now. She felt completely caught off guard now that he was here to remind her. But, maybe that was what she had needed all along. She bit her lip, considering her options now. It didn’t seem like much, but a lot had changed tonight. Any sense of loneliness and bitterness that she held against him had all but melted away. Instead, she found herself lost in a sea of happier times; of memories of how and why they had ended up here to begin with. She realized that it would never be easy, but there had always been a reason why they held on to each other and looked forward to each reunion. Maybe love wasn’t supposed to be easy. Maybe it was meant for them to fight for each other. Maybe it was important to miss each other.

“Take me home,” she muttered, running her hand down his chest as he held her, “let me have you tonight, because I’m going to miss you when you leave again.”

“You know I’ll always come back, right?”

“I know you will,” she replied.

They ignored their half-eaten meal; paying the bill and leaving behind an empty bottle and two half-drunk glasses of wine as they walked out of there hand-in-hand. It certainly wasn’t like her to leave behind a good glass of wine; but some things were too important to ignore right now.

#top gun x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #top gun fanfic #top gun fanfics #top gun fanfiction #rooster top gun #rooster #rooster x you #rooster imagine #reader

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thisdreamplace · 1 year

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i’m getting to a place where i’m finally releasing one specific desire… there’s still some feelings of loss and sadness (i’ve been bawling and rotting in bed a little 😙✌️) but it also kind of feels like a weight is being lifted and i’m kind of proud of myself for being brave enough to let go. do you have any advice for not doing that 🙄 again? lol happy new year love u 💕

ah wow ! let it all out ! really, theres so much that we have built around our specific desires that we dont even realize. we make so much excuses for our desire, that we choose to live in this uncomfortable pain over it. it makes sense that sometimes theres a process of letting go, that includes some painful emotions, when we finally let go of it. trust me, i've had similiar experiences. i LOVE that youre able to acknowledge that it feels better though, on the other side of letting go. to not go down that path again, my biggest advice would be to truly learn from whatever it is that made you think that specific desire was so holy in the first place, what made you so attached to it to the point of pain ? when i took that lesson away with me, it allowed for more freedom because suddenly i didnt have to hold on tightly to anything anymore. if i thought that specific desire was the epitome of love, i finally accepted it wasnt. if i thought that specific desire was going to finally prove my worth, i finally accepted it wasnt. i have all those things on my own, and that is what i allowed myself to accept. it feels nice to stop living with this tunnel vision, where you think nothing could ever be better than the thing you want, so you live life so painfully in exchange for waiting on it. i guess what i'm trying to say is... allow yourself to focus on everything that already is there. you know ? all of the things that are present, now that you don't have the dark cloud of wanting looming over your head (as heavily). keep your eyes on the sunshine that is pouring through, warming your soul and filling yourself with love, as that dark cloud countinues to drift farther and farther away.

it makes me so happy when we (you, me, all of us) start putting ourselves first, and do the things we need to do to move forward, even though its a little painful sometimes at first. i feel so much love for you ! <3 n happy new year ! love u xo

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purplehazeplaysoffasamsung · 1 year

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i cried all day in bed on saturday. i dont think ive ever had a day that bad in recent memory. i couldnt move. im doing this thing where i dont hide the feelings of loneliness from myself. not anymore. i dont hide any emotion really. any anger, fear, elation, grief, jealousy, arousal, vindictiveness. i dont mask them with drugs or distraction. it is a dangerous game. sometimes, like most days it hurts acutely but passes. most days it makes me want to harm myself. the psychological pain is so intense i want to drown it out with the physical. i could survive any corporeal pain, any physical abuse, but never what i let my mind feel. so far i have been stronger than i imagined. most days i can past all the urges, the full weight.

saturday was much much worse. so much poured out of me. i thought of every relationship that i have let fall apart, romantic, friendly, familial. of every connection ive formed, and then let dissolve because i didnt feel worthy enough of connecting. of everytime i disappeared from peoples lives. i did it with almost every relationship. i would decide to isolate and never talk back. couldnt even explain the instinct to run away to myself. all those times as a kid i would stop interacting. i did it with almost everyone. i wouldve lost family if it werent for physical necessity. there had been this deep sense within me that i am not worth connecting to. that i am less than human. and now i have the knowledge to know it isnt real, that fear of worthlessness. and now i grieve. all those years lost. all those connections i broke. all the harm i did to myself. i didnt know better back then. i only wanted to survive. from every nerve being in fire. from the boiling touch of consequence. i was only a child when i learned my best option to survive was to hide. the best option for control was to blame myself. im stronger now. i get angry now. i know what will kill me. it isnt vulnerability. it the lack of it.

more days like this will come. it is a necessary reality. i will probably never fully recover into a completeness. but i dont need to. i only need to feel alive again.

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musherum · 2 years

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For the ask meme: primes?

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

i dont really know if i have one anymore. sometimes, when im upset, i'll imagine kim kitsuragi from disco elysium shit-talking people im mad at, or him telling me that im doing okay. but i dont know if that really counts?

i used to have lots. but ive mostly moved out of that stage in my life. idk, i guess it felt in a way slightly infantile, and not like a great way to engage in media - and also like it was kind of a flattening of myself, if that makes any sense.

2. lighter or matches?

matches are soooo tantalizing. i love striking a match. but they disappear so quick! so i prefer a lighter, generally. the flint mechanism is also fun to play with, though i understand that is pretty unsafe to do.

3. do you leave the window open at night?

yes, usually. i like to keep fresh air flowing in, to keep myself from overheating or starting to wheeze. and i get to hear the crickets :)

5. what color are your eyes?

a fairly unremarkable blue. looking into them sometimes reminds me of looking down through the water at the beach, into the sand. but mostly they are fairly poetically uninteresting.

7. hair-ties or scrunchies?

hair-ties, usually. scrunchies are fun and cute, but i usually put my hair back for utility, and not for fashion or to look cute - i dont have a good relationship to the shape of my forehead and brow, or my jaw or chin, so if im trying to look nice ill generally leave my hair down. so cute scrunchies arent really something ive invested in.

11. favorite extracurricular activity?

i dont think i did many extracurriculars as a kid. i was in cross-country for a bit. i liked it okay, i liked going fast. but my asthma got too bad, and i started collapsing and not being able to finish races.

i was in a writing workshop in middle school, but honestly despite me always getting good grades in english, and despite me always being my english teachers favorite, i simply was not and am not a very good writer, at least not of fiction. idk, maybe i just need to practice more and stop judging everything i make like its the thing that will make or break my worth as a person. either way, i didnt attend the workshop for long, because of life-ruining depression

13. when was the last time you ate?

a few hours ago? my sister was over to do laundry, and i defrosted the veggie shepherds pie filling i had in the freezer, and made us both little shepherds pies in some ramekins.

it was pretty okay. i mixed the mash with some goat cheddar because i was out of parmesan, and it turned out nice. browned well, light and puffy. the filling was missing something. maybe it just needed some acid or something. idk

17. are you farsighted or nearsighted?

im nearsighted. thats one of the biggest reasons i dont wear my glasses very often - keeping them on, when im doing tasks that involve my face being just a few feet away from my point of focus? gives me a headache.

19. imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

i could try? im not very good at it though :( i cant even paint my own nails without making a mess of it.

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

already answered!

29. how do you like your shower water?

depends on the weather, and what would feel most refreshing. in the summer, i usually let my shower water run slightly cooler. but then again - after a hard day, when im full of aches and pains, nothing hits better than hot, hot water pouring down on me. so i guess it depends on the weather and how tiring my day has been.

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

i usually listen to more energetic electronic music, but when i need to ground myself or bring myself back from the brink, i usually lean towards something slower and singable and maybe a little bit sad or morbid. half the time i wont even listen to it - ill just sort of wail along to it.

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

this is a tough one. aside from some family friends?? ummm. drawing a blank here, i stopped communicating with a lot of other people from earlier in my life a long time ago. the closest thing i can think of would maybe be a couple of tumblr mutuals? and even then, theyre maybe, like, 8 or 9 years, tops.

41. how do you take your coffee?

already answered!

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

already answered!

47. what was the last message you sent?

i asked my youngest sister if she was coming over tonight to do laundry, and if she wanted me to make her something to eat.

thank you for the questions :)

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cybermeep · 15 hours

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“YEAH, IM HALLUCINATING. IM HALLUCINATING AND IM WRONG, IM LIKE, ON DRUGS. THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, I THINK. DEFINITELY.”

“YEAH.”

dialogue spoken aloud to myself as i waited for a ride home… i might have been hallucinating. i don’t know. proceeded to list aloud different ways to die & did a marge simpson impression on pure accident at first. proceeded to say the two lyrics which i think about constantly, “IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?” & that whole continuation on the opposite of flowers track, and the “WHO’S GONNA TAKE YOU HOME TONIGHT? WHO’S GONNA TAKE YOU HOME?” from true trans soul rebel in said raspy voice. my attempt at humoring myself to not look awkward which only makes me look more awkward but being on my phone feels weird cause it just does. i should be enjoying the nature & whatnot, or something . before i left i wished for the usual, which is for no one to die. yknow, the normal things. (when i say wish for no one to die, i mean, like, not soon. obviously everyone dies someday, but not today. that would be really bad. and not next week either. or next month. just wait and be cautious pretty please. all of you be careful & dont get run over by a car or on train tracks OR on rail roads or on anything. be safe. (do you see how these tangents get off track so easily?))

anyway, stand outside in the rain… a really nice part of nature. everyone always is pissed about rain… i like it…. maybe thats because of the association game (its not a game, its simply how my mind works. jarring, i know) ive played for the entirety of my life, but who knows. It is genuinely a nice display. walk along neighborhood.. i enjoy living at the end of a street next to little marshlands. it makes me happy.

of course, visited the robins nest— saw all their cute little faces… theyre so sweet.. rosaline (rosalyn? it may have been spelt that way) obviously saw me & chirped loudly. i don’t stay, of course not… she wants me gone, and i respect her boundaries :-)! did hold my phone up to her again, though. argued with her as she chirped, although it wasn’t actually an argument. was joking on that part. simply conversed, and said this

“I WON’T HURT YOUR BABIES! IF I WOULDN’T HURT I….. IE…… IE… EEE….. DE……… DE-DE-DE-DE-DE DEE, I COULDN’T HURT THEM!”

improvised on a verbal slip up. yes, thats what i said verbatim. i would not lie about that, although that would be funny. still held up my phone. looks like this.

[FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT THIS DRAFT WAS GONE SINCE I WENT TO GO EDIT THE IMAGE. HOLY FUCK. THANK GOD ITS HERE. ANYWAY.]

something like this. homophobic dog added for comedic effect. i would give you my reasoning on why i do this, but then i sound even more insane talking about metaphysical states. strange and Offputting but not in the way people like & in a ‘god i hope he gets run over’ way. Maybe. Maybe someone enjoys it. Tell me via caesar cipher, maybe…. off topic again

after this exchange, then i went to explore the wetlands. like a friend showing something they own to a facetime compatriot (something i used to do, when i did those), i.. i mean, i did that. specifically, i noticed the pair of mallards which are nearby had their eggs hatch… baby ducklings swimming in the water… it was so cute, i genuinely thought i was going to be sick. has happened before, so its not off the table. the getting sick part due to minuscule things. i squealed a bit, embarrassing to type to an audience, but i wont lie either. overjoyed. didn’t get any of pictures of them, but thats okay. did end up getting sick in the sense i got a headache after the encounter. saw a tufted titmouse, too.. it was very pretty.

ummm i don’t really know if i have much else extravagant, it rained earlier and i was overjoyed to see it pour outside, my legs kicked & whatnot. paid for friends & compatriots items because i simply wanted to. told an observation to my mother which isnt really a coincidence anymore and seems to be a pattern i think. i have good memory & all i ask is why, genuinely, but who knows. i mean, why do i sit here & write under the same pseudonym…. I could so easily change my handle & everything im known for, go off the face of the earth…

but i, uh, don’t do that. even though logistically it would make sense if i did. it would also make sense if i stopped posting & abandoned this platform, but i don’t do that either. i’ve made friends here, after all! i guess everyone does something which might not be expected of them or is perplexing… apart of living!

any good things to end this on? not really. nothing wise or mysterious, or something. will wear the fish collar tomorrow, since its the seniors’ (i.e a good chunk of my friends which i actually have a connection with) last day. considered the re-animator shirt, which would be funny, but feels weird. fish collar & wacky outfit is best, in my opinion. might wear one of the suits i own to graduation if its outside, still gotta know the time… we gotta start talking to people in ciphers, man…

#cybers tangents #took an hour to write. why do i do this?#<- knows the answer

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thedelusionreaderbitch · 3 years

Text

Kaz Brekker x gn! Reader - Soul Seer

A/n: This was wayyyy longer than I thought it would be! Also I changed the plot of six of crows and crooked kingdom a bit! Most of it you can get through the fic the only thing is when they go back to get their money back from Jan Van Eck in the first book. Jan doesn't know the Wylan is tailored to look like Kuwei till after that scene later is the one shot!

Request: Hi darling! so i realized your requests are open so i wanted to request a kaz fic? please?<33

where his s/o doesn't go for the ice court heist(their relationship is secret) but all that stuff with Inej ( but he is constantly thinking of y/n) happens and Kaz is feeling really guilty, so he goes and confesses and its all angst and then fluff? no problem if you dont want to do it though, love you<33

p.s- i loved your latest kaz fic!

Warnings: Gore, angst, language, heartbreak, cheating but not acutally cheating? I think that's it? You have been warned!

I do not own shadow and bone/six of crows or it's characters! The gif is also not mine!

He was leaving. Leaving to do a job that he could very well die on. To be fair that wasn't nothing new, but this is breaking into the ice court. No one has done that; ever.

"Love." You barley manage to utter the words as tears fill your eyes and clog your throat.

You wouldn't let him see that though, you didn't want to spend your few moments together that you both had with you crying and him inevitably leaving early because he had no idea what he was doing when it came to that. You did not want these memories to be sad and awkward knowing very well these could be your last.

"You better write to me or I'll have to cuss you out in front of your employs."

A small smile creeps onto his face as he takes your hand with his gloved one.

"Oh really and how will you get there?"

It made sense really, him breaking into the ice court. You were terrified for him, hell half of you was scared that he would finally realize that he could do so much better and leave you. But you knew Kaz wouldn't cheat, and you had faith in him that he could pull off this job. He was Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel! He would need a crew sure, but you knew he would be the one to do it.

You raise your eyebrows at him and you lean in close enough so that your breath fans out across his neck and collarbone. Seeing him visibly take a quick intake of breath makes you smirk as you withdrew not getting any closer as you didn't want to panic him with your touch.

"I have my ways. Ways even Dirtyhands fears."

His laugh surprises you, but it's welcomed nonetheless.

Squeezing your hand and with his other gloved one, he places his hand gently on your cheek as if he were afraid that you would shatter underneath his touch. He was afraid that the darkness had swallowed him whole, and that you would go down with it.

That doesn't happen though and you don't dare to speak as he leans down and places a soft kiss to your lips.

It's scarce, barley there like your words from before. Yet it has so much meaning and love all the same. You realized that you wouldn't trade this man for the world - ever.

When he pulls away, you grab his wrist before he leaves the tears you realized were now pouring silently down your face.

"Come back." You whisper.

"I'll come back home." He doesn't look around the room he's looking right at you.

"I promise."

__________________

Dear Kaz,

I don't know where you are anymore, hell you could be in Shu Han and I wouldn't know! But I suppose that's the point isn't it?

You haven't written to me in quite a while, I know it's probably just the mission but I can't get it out of my head that it's something else. What's on your mind love? Perhaps you've finally fled far away from me and your not even the one reading this letter. That in short terms would suck.

I guess you can't tell me where you are or the details of the job, but I can tell you about my miserable boring days without you can't I? Well, I, after all the pressure that my family and friends have put on me for finding a profession has finally come to a stop. I have decided after many nights awake wondering if this was really what the world wanted me to do; Criminology. Or more exact forensics.

Oh the irony! Though I guess it would help you and the Dregs. If I studied it (got all the Degree's necessary) and was top of my class would you let me join the Dregs? Although I feel like I'm ranting through the ink on this paper. Am I ranting? Anyways back to the point, I would be an unofficial member (obviously) and I could help! You've had the aid of scientists but what about a permanent one?

[Okay, I'm lying to you... I've been studying it for a couple months now... Please don't be mad!]

Kaz Brekker, what am I to do with you? You fill my every waking moment of my mind taking up all the space. I'm thinking about one thing and then I'm thinking about how you would use it or most importantly steal it. I can't get you out of my head, and my life is becoming boring almost. Without your sneaking through my widow each night like we were some innocent Romeo and Juliet. Even if we were far from it.

What I'm trying to say is, that I miss you darling. I miss the way you would laugh, I miss your rare smiles. I miss the way you would look at me like I was the Queen to your King. By the saints I really am a love forsaken fool aren't I!

Come back Kaz, come back to me soon.

Your dearest,

Y/n L/n

Kaz had nearly crumpled the quill in anger.

They had written something long and heart felt and his past letter were of somewhat of the same quality. Yet now he could barely come up with two words more then their name.

The letter they had sent him was carefully placed where no one would see it but him. Saints, just thinking about it made him even more angry at himself. They knew him so well, they knew something was up and they were concerned.

He wasn't even going to think about the profession they choose and how Kaz never really would say yes to that. It was too much danger, and they were already in so much already.

He spots Inej looking off the railing of the ship so he quickly goes to write out a quick response to you giving a half-arsed excuse as to why he couldn't write more before going to talk to the Wraith.

He knew why he was doing this, deep down he knew. And he was ashamed but he was Kaz Brekker. Y/n would never find out and whatever he had with Inej would mean nothing.

Even if he knew that was bullshit.

He went to her anyways.

___________________

Dear Y/n,

I don't have much time to write, but angel, I promise everything is fine. I can't say much more than fine because I am not in Ketterdam scheming my why through the merchers while going to see you in the night and finally feeling at peace.

I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while, everything is just been really busy.

The topic on your job is a topic we should probably talk about in person but I could make some arrangements...

Your dearest,

- Kaz Brekker

Warmly smiling at the mailman you pluck the letter out of his hand and run fast to your apartment to open it. Reading fast and your grin widens but some part of you has noted that the letter is visibly shorter than the last one and that it's left on a questionable note.

But you scolded yourself, Kaz would never cheat! Why would you ever think that! Why would even come close to think about that?!

It was just that he was stressing himself lots and was in danger lots. You could feel it, you couldn't explain it, you just could.

So you got back to writing having faith that he would write something longer next time.

_____________________

Dear Kaz,

How are you? Your last letter that you sent me was... Saints I don't remember when it was.

I've been counting how many letters I have written for you over the past weeks and the count is at 46. Only 21 have gotten to you, the others I burned or are locked away safe from prying eyes. Remember how many letters you've sent me? Why don't you guess? 9, you have sent me 9 letters.

Oh dear, now I sound pissed and a tiny part of me is. But there's another part of me that says your just busy, and another that says you've gotten bored of me. Goddess it just makes me sad is all... I pray this isn't true, and I pray that you'll come home soon.

At least write to me Kaz, or I don't know if can take writing to you anymore without getting a response. Please, I just want to know that you are okay and safe.

Your dearest,

Y/n L/n

Kaz was an idiot. He ignored his lover because he felt guilty. And sure, not all the letters that they sent him he would be able to respond to, they both knew that. But nine letters? When they've written twenty-one!

Ignoring the letters was hard, and the entire reason for it was because of Inej. She just was- She was different from Y/n, Y/n had no experience in the barrel, about the things he had to go through. Whether Inej well... She just understood.

She could understand what it was like to not be able to touch people, (he had barley been able to kiss Y/n and they basically just brushed their lips together.) It was a comfort, but it was a drug. He tried to break the cycle but he was overly and fully addicted.

He knew that he wasn't in love with Inej, the same thing with how you would never need a drug. But it was a comfort, it just felt so... Safe.

So when he stood beside Inej again when his ship was coming back to Ketterdam he thought of them. Yet it wasn't enough and he'd never felt more dirtier than he had ever had in his life.

"Stay. Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me."

"What would be the point?"

Her dark moons stare up at him with a fierce but tired gaze.

In a felting moment he wanted that girl more than anything. He wanted to touch her, he wanted to stroke her hair, he wanted her as a whole.

"I want you to stay. I want you to... I want you."

She squeezed his hand and that's when he knew he'd regret everything.

"You want me." Inej turned to look at him fully and she no longer looked beautiful when the moonlight shined on her a certain way. No, she looked beautiful but in a sinful way. As if saying; 'stay away.'

"And how will you have me, Kaz?"

She repeated her statement again but it was flowing through his head because all he could think about was Y/n. Y/n in their fierce nature, Y/n in their innocent, their kindness, their will.

The way they could look at one of his plans (because yes he did show them to them) and they could reshape the whole thing making it ten times more better. Y/n who wouldn't stand for his shit. So he turned his back on the drug.

"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.

And when the Wraith confidently says those words he doesn't turn back to her he walks away knowing that he could never let is armor down for Inej. And knowing that he, had a letter to write.

________________________________

Dear Y/n,

There's so much I haven't told you, and probably won't tell you till I'm back. But I will fill you in on the majority and hope you can forgive me when I get back to you.

I haven't been honest, or fair to you. I have been a real asshole actually, a terrible lover for you deserve someone better. Someone who does not fall so quickly to the addiction.

Where do I begin? Well the first thing I ought to add would be nothing happened between this person and I, but it still made a difference. Inej Ghafa is the addiction.

I just felt like she understood what I was going through because she has the same problem that I do with touch. It was just so... Nice. To have someone who could understand what it was like to be able to touch someone and get a sickness that seems incurable. Of course when I touch you though it doesn't always feel that way, and I was a fool to not notice the signs.

We held hands, I told her I wanted her to stay with me in Ketterdam. I told her... I told her I wanted her. And guess what she told me? She told me she would have me without armor, or not at all.

Only, I can solely do that with you. No one else.

I walked away after she told me that, because in that moment I realized she was a drug, a comfort. Something that wasn't pushing me, it was safe. Angel, you are everything but that.

I love you, and Saints I won't tell you how sorry I am because that won't fix anything. I can only state the facts and how I feel. I love you, I'm in love with you. I never loved Inej, and I never fell in love with her. I think I just liked the idea.

Dirtyhands doesn't pray nor hold hope, but for you it's worth it because I might be able to keep you in my life.

Your dearest,

- Kaz Brekker

The letter was a shock.

You couldn't help but think about it over and over again. Well, you didn't really know what to think of it really. On one hand you could feel his emotions, on the other hand what he did... He may not have cheated on you but it felt like he betrayed your trust.

He did betray you.

After many sleepless nights, your anger had finally burnt out and your head was clear. You wouldn't break up with him, no. You would though, talk about how he didn't feel understood. Obviously some communicating skills were lacking, and perhaps you would take some time to fully trust him again. But you didn't want to lose him.

But it if it came down to it... You knew you would have to make a difficult decision.

So it was an even bigger shock when someone knocked on your door, in the middle of the goddamn night.

You grab the gun that's hidden in a desk drawer. You might not have been part of the barrel but you were Kaz Brekker's significant other. You had to be prepared.

Besides, it was mandatory for the course you were taking to be trained with the use of guns.

Creeping up to the door you slam it open hiding the gun behind your back only to find one of Kaz's employees. Jesper, you think his name was?

"Kaz said to come get you." He said in his distressed state.

What the fuck had happened?

_________________________

"Can we even trust them." You hear a feminine voice whisper behind the door Jesper had finally led you to.

"I don't know..." A more masculine and stern like a solider that's been trained in the military states.

"Kaz said to get them. Trust this at least." You hear a voice call out over everyone else.

At that last very cheerful note you open the door walking through and you wish you could've said that you were emotionless. You wish you could've said you were prancing on in. You didn't do any of those things you walked through the doorway like a normal person who looked slightly concerned.

That's all you could conceal, you weren't very good at it but after begging Kaz to teach you, you've gotten better. Not extremely good, but not terrible either.

No one seemed to know what to do next, so you sighed and offered up your name even though they probably already knew it.

"I'm Y/n." You voice sounds hollow but it has some spirit and determination in it that gains the Crows attention.

"And lets get to the situation at hand and we can do the rest of the introductions on the way."

Finally you break the ice as a girl with darker hair, wearing all black clothes, and knives strapped to her body smiles gently at you.

Looking at you slyly she mutters three words:

"I like her."

_____________________

So Kaz was coned out of his own money but managed to not give him Kuwei Yul-Bo. He knew something like this would happen so he held some of the cards in his hand back instead of playing them. Smart, but not smart enough.

And now Jan Van Eck was doing whatever the hell he could to break Kaz. Knowing he would never be able to break Kaz's resolve gave you some hope and a terrified revelation.

Kaz would never break so Van Eck would keep on torturing him. The need to get him back was increased by this.

Looking to the girl on your right, the one with all the knives, you turn to her to show her a part of your plan. She nods a couple times pointing out a few things but overall it looks like she's impressed.

"I just realized that I know everyone else's names but not yours." You state as you start working on some more details with the more information that was given to you.

"Inej." She says simply but the name alone makes your eyes widen and your back straightens just a bit.

Inej. The girl that Kaz had betrayed your trust with. Yet at you gaze at her you don't blame her. That was on Kaz, and Kaz alone. She didn't know you two are together, nor does she know now. You didn't want to hate her because of Kaz, no. You're going to preserve the friendship she have with her already.

So instead of accusing her you smile at her.

"Ah, I think Kaz mentioned you once or twice."

"He did?"

"Yes but at the time I didn't know you were part of the ice court heist."

At these words everyone in the room goes silent and turns to look at you in favor of your conversation with Inej than their own.

"What were you to Kaz?" Nina asks slowly as if she was afraid to ask the question.

"We're close." Is all you say because you glance at Inej who is beside you and decide that's the best answer for now.

You go back to planing and an idea suddenly pops up into your head and you slap yourself for not realizing earlier.

"I think I know how to get Kaz back.

_______________________

Inej and Kuwei stand at the point of exchange. Of course it isn't really Kuwei, it's Wylan but they don't know that. You whisper a short thanks to the saints that Kaz had thought of tailoring Wylan to look like the Yul-Bo boy, before you do your task at hand.

While the fake exchange was happening outside, Nina and Matthias would be setting off a distraction bomb to buy some time, and Jesper would be setting up another distraction not too far away, but far enough so he could distract the Stadwatch. Then he would quickly and (hopefully) get back on time to get into the building protecting you and Kaz as you both would get out of the building. Just in case.

And you were going to sneak inside and get Kaz.

You were no Inej, you were no solider, you were no Crow, hell you weren't even part of the Dregs. But in reality it made the most sense, Van Eck didn't know you and if worse comes to worse you could just say you were at the wrong building as you had just finished your schooling getting into a new job.

You knew how to use a gun, Inej had taught you how to stay hidden, Matthias had taught how to seem intimidating during a fight, Nina had taught you the art of distraction, Jesper had taught how to shoot your gun with better aim, and Wylan had taught you how to be strong.

Of course you were no master at any of these things, but it was still some where to start. You could do this, you had to do this.

Come on Y/n! Be brave.

'Okay, let's go!' You say to yourself mentally as you enter the house... Through the backdoor.

Walking slowly though the building you decided that's your best bet to stay out of sight. Doing everything too fast would gain too much attention, and you had to put thought into every movement. Every step. No matter how much you wanted to get Kaz back.

When you finally get to the door where you know Kaz is held you take a deep breath looking around and praying that Jesper would be here on time before opening the door.

Immediately as you open the door a crack you see him.

He's tied to a chair and part of you is wondering why he wasn't out of his bonds yet. His head is hanging low and you see some dried up blood here and there but nothing too bad.

Yet. A voice whispers in your ear.

"Kaz." You dare to whisper even though you fear that someone may hear you outside the door, but your doing it anyways.

His head instantly snaps up to meet your gaze as his hardened expression turns soft and you can see all the pain he's truly in.

"You're here." He rasps, his voice hoarse filling with disbelief and that's what causes you to speed up towards him.

As you come closer to him you soon realize that his bad leg is twisted to the wrong side. You wince but you go behind him to untie his bonds nonetheless.

"No!" He whisper-yells in pain as you go to tug on them only comprehend that his hands were destroyed.

Kaz's fingers were twisted at ugly angles that no finger should be able to twist to. His wrists were snapped, his finger nails torn off. Dripping down from them is blood as lots of the skin on his hands are shredded to pieces as there's a word craved into them:

'Dirtyhands.'

Holy shit.

"Kaz." You gasp but you know there isn't much time left and you still have to get him out of the building.

So you grab a knife that Inej had lent to you and you cut the rope holding him to the chair.

"Can you stand?" You manage to breath out and he goes to stand up only to start wobbling. Quickly you take a step closer and warp an arm around his waist - you know it may not be the best for his trauma but you want to get out of here with him alive.

Kaz struggles against your hold obviously uncomfortable with the touch and the skin on skin contact.

"Please." He barley manages to beg with his strained voice.

"Please, make it stop."

Knowing you can't let go of him because there's no way he can walk, you try and make as much space between the two of you as possible.

"Come on love, we have to move."

At the word 'love' his eyes snap to yours and everything that's happened seems to register to him and he nods his head and you know that you can start heading back.

"Damn it Jesper!" You cruse under your breath as you hear shots ringing throughout the structure.

A bullet whips past your ear, and nearly hits Kaz in the head but he ducks right in time. Pulling out your own gun you look for the person who was shooting at you, however you can't find them.

"Fuck."

The only thing you can do is start moving.

So you try and run through the place without hurting Kaz too much (although he looked like he was going to pass out,) and with your gun in your other hand just in case.

Right when you open the door to start running like you've never had in your life Jesper starts barreling towards you both, with Kaz's gloves and cane in hand.

He doesn't hand them to him though, not yet at least. No, he takes out one of his pistols and looks around and shoots. You hear something drop to the floor and you internally sigh in relief knowing you probably wouldn't have to kill anyone tonight. Before Jesper can fully give Kaz his possessions he gasps looking at Kaz's hands, and leg.

"Boss!" He gasps.

Suddenly though, before he can go on, Nina's and Matthias's bomb goes off in the distance and you know that's your queue.

"That's are queue! We have to start fucking running!" You yell at your boyfriend and the sharpshooter.

Jesper takes off, as you start running with Kaz.

You both make it far enough, far enough to be out of everyone's sight for now. Yet you weren't at your meeting point yet - your apartment.

"Come on Kaz." You say softly but with strength because you generally believe he can do this, he has to do this.

"I can't even breathe properly! I can't!"

Kaz's eyes gleam under the moonlight, and they're tired, oh so tired. And they had so much pain in them.

"Can we try walking?"

Nodding, you both start to walk with your arm still around his waist to support some of his weight. The only thing making noise is the noise of Ketterdam, and Kaz's heavy breathing that was making you worry quite a bit.

"I'm sorry." He speaks out of no where.

Glancing upwards you spot your apartment. Nearly there.

"I'm not talking about this."

He looks at you with intense orbs. Your breath seems to be lost and you've arrived at your apartment before you thought you would.

"We have to talk about it at some point." He mumbles.

"We shouldn't talk about that right now." You open the door to your apartment and you all but push Kaz towards the bed.

"Rest, and I'll get Nina and hopefully some other healers."

You're out the door before he can even utter 'stay.'

______________________________

"How is he?" You whisper to Nina.

She sighs before getting some more bandages from the cabinet.

"His leg will heal, he'll have to relearn how to walk again. Though I don't doubt he'll have to much trouble with that." She pauses for a second seemingly struggling with what she wants to say next, it was almost as if she was arguing with herself.

"His hands well... They will heal, and because of the healers we got in here he won't have to relearn anything. He'll always be the big bad Dirtyhands. His wrists were healed by the healers, and everything big on his hand were too but the skins still a mess. The scars... Those will never disappear."

"What does it matter to you anyways?"

You look at her coldly before replying; "None of your business." Then you stalk off, not to go to Kaz, but to go find Inej.

___________________________

The night sky of Ketterdam is just black. There's no stars that gleam out from beneath the smog, there's none of those blueish-gray darkening sky, it's either a smoggy morning, or a smoggy night.

The moon barley gleams from beneath it all, but when it does it seems to have a purpose, and today it leads you to Inej.

Finding her on the roof of your apartment isn't very surprising - even if you hadn't know her for very long. The dim moonlight guides your way towards her as you climb the ladder of the side of the complex, finally reaching the top.

"Do you believe in saints Y/n?" Her voice floats above the smog and a part of you could imagine why Kaz would want her. But the other part of you realize's what he said in his letter was true - you could see it plainly written on his face when he told you he was sorry.

"No, not really." You pause thinking on what your going to say next knowing your words will not be taken lightly, and could change everything.

"But I do believe in different things."

You go and sit beside her on the edge.

"I believe that the moon tells the truth, and as does the sun. I believe that no one has one propose, and we must find it ourselves. I believe in redemption, in the understanding of others, even if we ourselves cannot comprehend."

She looks at you with her head tiled sightly to the side. The moonlight simmers down on her making her dark eyes light up in a sort of golden color.

"Your a good person Y/n, too good of a person for this world."

"As you are."

She laughs and the light that surrounds her doesn't go away. It stays as if urging you to go, to tell her the truth.

"I'm not a good person, I've killed. Good and bad people."

"I don't think people should be based on one thing. As I also think that the definition of a good person is different from the one I have than yours."

"I think that nearly everyone has some form of light in them. No matter how monstrous they are, Kaz does."

You turn to look at her right in the eyes not backing down with the next few things that you had to say.

"You are full of light Inej, whether you like it or not."

You both sit there in silence for some time before she speaks up again.

"Soul Seer." She whispers.

"Because you can see right through people to their souls. But you also wear your own heart on your wrist."

"You are good for Kaz Soul Seer, don't give up on him."

And then she leaped through the air disappearing into the night.

______________________________

Staring at the door is much better than the actual confrontation. It's not very effective per say, but it insures that no one gets hurt, and even better, it makes it so you don't even have to do the whole confrontation thing in the first place. Fantastic.

Never-less, staring at the door isn't going to help you, and you know if you don't eventually go in and visit Kaz (while he's not asleep, because that doesn't count!) Nothing will change, nothing will be talked about, you'll only have the abyss of the letters to comfort you. And that will never be enough, or okay. You both had to figure this out.

So you open the door.

Surprisingly he's not at your tiny desk that you have in your room, no. Instead he's by the window, which is on the opposite side of the room, and he's sitting in a chair reading a book.

You squint your eyes and you find that the title of the book is; 'Pride & Prejudice.'

"Jane Austen? I didn't know you were a fan of the classics." Your voice is pretty cheerful, and it even has a teasing tone to it.

But Kaz doesn't look up to met your eyes, he keeps looking down at his book. You're sure he isn't actually reading anymore, but he's good at convincing you he is.

"So you finally decided to come talk did you." The phrase sounds like a question but they way he says it sounds more like he's belittling you.

"Don't. Don't do that! You don't get to sound all high and mighty when you're the one who fucked up!"

He snaps his head to look at you and for the first time you could feel the hard and cold pain that he held in his eyes.

"That's what you think! That's I just wanted to fuck up! By the saints Y/n, that's not exactly what I want to do! I know I fucked up, but just know that we- us. I didn't want to break that, and that's the first thing in a long time that I hadn't felt the need to destroy but to protect instead."

"Than why did you?"

He sighs and he runs a hand through his hair.

"Because I wanted for a split second someone who could understand. I know that's selfish but I didn't care. I just wanted..." He trails of looking to the side.

"Then you have to talk to me! Communication, isn't our strongest point in our relationship, but we were getting better! Or at least I thought we were... But if you were or are feeling like that Kaz you have to talk to me or else we're not going to get anywhere."

You pause, before going into what your going to say next.

"And we both know that wasn't the only reason." You whisper softly, as his eyes bore into yours.

"You told her you wanted her to stay." Your eyes fill up with tears.

"And I'm stupid because if maybe you'd just held her hand, maybe just maybe I would have forgiven you right away! Because I really don't care if you held hands with her! I care that you asked her to stay. I don't think... I don't think you've ever asked that of me."

The air is thick as you stare at him and all the pent up frustration, and sorrow that you've had to endure dawn on Kaz as tears streak down your face dripping onto the floor.

"She was like a drug, an addiction. I think some part of me fell in love with the idea of loving her. Even if I couldn't."

"Oh." You whisper as this time it's him staring at you intently waiting for your response.

So you go into the tiny bathroom connected to your room, and you come back wordlessly with new fresh bandages and some numbing for his leg. Then you sit on the bed next to him but not too close, as you slowly drape your hand over his softly.

"How's your hands?"

And in that moment Kaz had known that you'd forgiven him, and in that moment he knew that he'd never take a long heist like the one he just did before because to him you were home.

Words 5710

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626 @ilovemarvelanne1 @emmsamultifan06

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kpostedsum · 3 years

Text

high | d.m

summary: you find an unhealthy way of coping after draco cheats on you

warnings: drug use (marijuana) angsty¿, cheating, illusions to sex

song: habits - tove lo

a/n: this fic isn’t meant to romanticize drug use in any way. i also know nothing abt weed so LOL and very rushed & not edited

masterlist | taglist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub

Then I go to sexclubs

Watching freaky people gettin' it on

It doesn't make me nervous

If anything I'm restless

Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

you had a few minutes left of your charms class which was your last class before the weekend. you wanted nothing more than to get out of here and cuddle up with your boyfriend— who was enjoying his free period right now.

draco was one of the best boyfriends you could ask for, the frequent dates, gifts, and attention— it was more than you could wish for.

“you’re excused. you essays are due at the beginning of next week” snapes monotone voice dragged on as you quickly packed up your things and made your way to the slytherin common room.

I get home, I got the munchies

Binge on all my Twinkies

Throw up in the tub

Then I go to sleep

And I drank up all my money

Days get kinda lonely

entering the slytherin common room your eyes immediately searched for a certain blond boy, yet he was nowhere to be found. you made your way to the boys dorms in hopes of finding him there but you’re quickly interrupted by two familiar voices.

“why hello y/n, marvellous weather we’re having today aren’t we?” theo asked looking towards the ceiling and smiling as if he were outside, blaise blocking your path as he did so.

“i’m not sure what weather you’re talking about since we’re inside but i am okay thank you” you responded with a chuckle, trying to make your way past blaise.

“wait y/n” he stopped you. “can i borrow the astronomy notes? i would ask luna but i can’t find her anywhere” blaise continued.

they both seemed awfully on edge and anxious, you figured it was just quidditch nerves getting to them since there was an upcoming game this week.

“i have yet to finish my astronomy notes, but i did see luna in the great hall if you want her notes. now if you’d excuse me i’d like to see draco” you said trying to push past the two boys who still wouldn’t let you through.

“forget malfoy! let’s do something instead, we’re so much more fun than him, right blaise?” theo said giving blaise a pointed look as he threw his arm around your shoulder.

“right you are nott, let’s go!” blaise continued also throwing his arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the boys dorm.

“what? no, i have plans with draco. now excuse me” you said pushing them both off and heading towards dracos door.

as you get closer to his door you can hear heavy breathing, pants and skin slapping on skin. you’re confused, you figured draco would be taking a nap or running over drills for quidditch practice. the closer you get, the louder the noises become.

“pans, you feel so good”

you recognize that voice anywhere.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

quickly you turned your head towards blaise and theo who had their heads lowered in shame, refusing to meet your gaze. “is this some kind of sick joke, are you guys pulling a prank or something because this isn’t funny” you said seriously not wanting to believe what you’re hearing from inside of your boyfriends dorm.

“we’re sorry, we tried to convince him not too but he wouldn’t listen” theo muttered silently.

it felt like your world was breaking apart slowly. just not too long ago you were excited to spend a weekend with your boyfriend who you loved so dearly, the same boyfriend who you’ve been dating for years, the same boyfriend who gets jealous about how much time you spend with his mum rather than him.

with shaky fingers you put your hand on the door knob and quickly pushed the door open, already preparing for the worst.

there he was, wrapped up with parkinson in the same bed you two shared not even twenty-four hours ago. her body straddling his naked, just like yours was doing the night before. you stood there frozen, mouth agape— not even knowing what to do with yourself.

“baby, i can explain, just please— y/n please don’t leave” draco said pushing pansy off of him, shuffling on his pants and reaching out towards you.

“dont touch me, malfoy!” you yelled and everyone froze. “you lost the right to touch me the minute you even thought of touching her” you continued sending both him and pansy a glare with tears threatening to slip from your eyes.

“darling please, i can explain—”

“no draco, we’re done just leave me alone, please” your voice cracking at the end as you pushed past blaise and theo rushing towards the girls dormitory.

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

it’s been days since you last left your room, days since you last saw draco. daphne would come by and check on you but you’d always dismiss her, wanting to be alone. regret is one word to describe how you’ve been feeling— you gave him everything and he threw it away so carelessly for a quick hook up.

you missed waking up against his smooth skin in his embrace, tracing the lines and scars across his porcelain skin as you waited for him to wake up, the way he’d try to kiss you in the morning without brushing his teeth and you wouldn’t let him because of morning breath— but he’d still do it anyways.

you missed him, but he didn’t want you anymore.

maybe it was something you’ve done, you’ve been quite busy with work recently so you haven’t been spending as much time with him as normal. he was probably lonely and trying to seek the attention you lacked to give him.

getting up, you stared at yourself in the mirror picking yourself apart. you were pretty, it was a well known fact around hogwarts, maybe he thought she was prettier. she was the life of the party and always up for some mischief whereas you preferred to do stuff in silence and would rather be with a small group of people. maybe he liked how exciting she was in comparison to you, she probably brought a spark of excitement to his life that you couldn’t.

dreading to feel something you quickly showered and got ready to leave your room hoping to run into a specific set of twins.

Pick up daddies at the playground

How I spend my daytime

Loosen up the frown,

Make them feel alive

I'll make it fast and greasy

I'm on my way to easy

“well what can we do for you today” fred said to you with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.

“do you have any muggle herb left?” you asked in a low voice making sure no one heard you.

“maybe we do, maybe we don’t” george said. “how much are you offering in exchange though” he continued.

“ten galleons for three ounces, is that enough” you said pulling the galleons out of your pockets and placing them in george’s palm.

“it was a pleasure doing business with you” they said in unison as fred placed the tiny baggie in your pocket so no one would see.

once you returned to your dormitory you quickly pulled out the pre-rolled muggle herb, lit it and let yourself forget.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

you started showing up to class late with red tired eyes, not caring about the looks you got. at this point every one knew what had happened but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

the muggle herb brought you a sense of bliss and freedom, a new feeling you haven’t felt before but something that you now craved.

“are you high right now?” draco said as he sat himself in the seat beside you.

“since when do you care about what i’m doing” you said sharply, not wanting to talk with him.

“love, you don’t smoke. who gave that stuff to you, i’ll kill them—”

“no you won’t.” you said turning towards him. “you won’t do any of that because you don’t own me and i’m not your girlfriend anymore. so mind your business malfoy, i’m sure parkinson’s waiting for you”

the rest of the class you both sat in silence working on potions that draco did most of since you weren’t in the correct mind state and he wasn’t willing to let his mark falter over your slip up.

you find it amazing how even when you’re on drugs he still looks amazing. the way his nose curves perfectly with a slight bump, and the way his hands move with caution as he pours the potion into the waste bucket.

“look, i’m sorry for what happened with pansy. it didn’t mean anything i swear, i don’t know why i did it but i regret it with my life” draco said breaking your thoughts, he looked older than normal and had dark circles underneath his under eyes. you wondered why he looked so distraught when he wasn’t the one who got cheated on.

“a sorry isn’t going to fix this draco” you told him. he knew you were right but he didn’t want to admit it. he hadn’t talked to pansy since the day you walked in on them, the guilt has been eating him up inside. he stayed silent and didn’t bother respond to you, he knew anything he said would have made the situation worst than it already is— but how he wished you were still his sweet y/n.

“now if you excuse me, i have some fun to attend too” you said leaving him alone as you made your way back to your dorm.

Staying in my play pretend

Where the fun, it got no end

Can't go home alone again

Need someone to numb the pain

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

over the last few weeks, you couldn’t remember the last time you were sober. you started skipping classes to smoke and avoiding your friends so they’d stop questioning your habits.

you were forgetting and that’s all that mattered, you didn’t care how it was affecting your health— it made you feel better. sometimes you wished there was another way, another way to forget how he held you at night pressing soft kisses to your skin, another way to forget the way he took pansy the same way he took you. you wonder if he feels as sorry as he looks, he’s the one who cheated so he can’t possibly care that much.

you hear two knocks at your door which quickly break you from your state making you more attentive, cleaning yourself up and opening the door. there stood draco— his eyes red as well, like hes been crying.

“y/n listen, i know what i did was wrong and that i tried to pretend it wasn’t me but please. i didn’t mean too, you mean the world to me. i miss you so much love.” he pleaded with you.

“y’know draco, i miss you too” you admitted. “but i’ve found a way to forget about you, maybe you should do the same”.

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

taglist: @mauvea @teenwolfbitches28 @ilygw @nic0lodean @s1ater @henqtic @justreadingficsdontmindme @i-love-scott-mccall @harmqnia @gwlvr @alishahpotter

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy smut #draco fuckingmalfoy #draco malfoy angst #harry potter #draco lucius malfoy

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captains-simp · 3 years

Note

hiii can you please do a 1) Angst with Nat where shes the one saying 'please dont go' because she pushed u away out of fear of either unreciprocated feelings or fear of her feelings for u?? and then there's a happy ending???

"Please don't go."

Warnings: oral, fingering, thigh grinding, hints at overstimulation, rejection, violence and some majorrrr angst

6.8k words

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Natasha Romanoff was the thing of many people's nightmares. Cunning, stealthy, ruthless. Those were just a few of the things that came to mind when describing Natasha in the field. It was what had earned her the Black Widow name, and rightfully so.

But behind that front was someone very different. It took a long time to find that person. It was hard to gain the trust of an assassin, much less the friendship. You had gotten there eventually, what you found was entirely worth every second of the wait.

Natasha had been your closest friend for as long as you could remember. You trusted her above everyone else and knew the feeling was mutual. A lot of things were with you two.

You came to the same conclusions in missions, spare of the moment and planned. You knew the best ways to comfort one another. You could even read each other like your favourite book when it was impossible for others.

It seemed almost predictable that your feelings for Natasha had been growing for a long time.

She was fiercely protective of the ones she loved. The relationships she developed were ones she held close to her heart and would do anything for. She never said it because she didn't have to.

While not being one for comforting words, Natasha would appear at your side in an instant if she thought you had been hurt in a mission or even training. Everything from checking in on you genuinely from time to time to let you rant about whatever was going on in your head to memorising your order from every kind of take out place made you feel cared for more than she could ever understand.

Maybe that was why you had fallen inlove with her.

"You are single handedly the best partner I have ever had." Natasha sighed as she laid back on her bed with her eyes trained on you. Oh how you wished she meant that in a different context.

"Likewise." You grinned as you poured some more wine into your glass and took a tentative sip.

"You usually work on a team." Natasha pointed out. "You haven't had your fair share of God awful partners yet."

"I can still recognise a good partner." You reminded and glanced down at the glass resting on your crossed legs.

Saying Natasha was good was the understatement of the year. No matter what she seemed to think the redhead was the reason for your success on the mission. All you had done was follow her instructions and reenact everything you had trained.

"Still, that was one of the best missions I've ever been on."

"You make it sound like you enjoyed it." You teased.

"I love my job." Natasha smirked as she took her glass from the bedside table and swirled the liquid around.

"I bet you do, must be easy when you're one of the best." You complimented more easily with the help of the alcohol.

"I like a challenge every now and then." She said as she sat up and tucked her legs under her. She downed the contents of her glass in a second and went to pour some more. Your eyes widened slightly but you accepted when she held the bottle out for you and poured a little more than you would have, finishing the bottle.

"You can challenge yourself in safer ways you know." Even if Natasha was one of the most feared agents on the planet she was still human. You worried about her a lot and tried to voice your opinions on mission files to ensure she did things the safest ways. She was always more set on doing things the most efficient way.

"Like what?" She enquired.

"I don't know, get a hobby." You laughed, hardly joking. A hobby was something everyone on the team needed, there was hardly ever the time.

"A hobby." Nat repeated, playing around with the thought as she said it. "I don't think I have time for that." You hummed understandably. "Do you want one?" She asked as she watched you.

"I barely have time for socialising." You scoffed and sipped on the alcohol.

"You live with us." The redhead pointed out, clearly missing your point.

"For work. When was the last time we had a movie night?" You asked. Natasha thought back to try and pinpoint a date but you kept going. "All of the parties are basically part of the job. Our schedules are all off so we rarely eat dinner together. We never really hang out anymore." You reflected with a pang of sadness.

"We're hanging out now." Natasha pointed out.

"We are." You couldn't help the smile that crept onto your face.

"So let's make the most of it." She said as she reached under her bed to retrieve another bottle. You barely questioned why it was there.

She poured more of the drink into each of your glasses and you clinched them together. You took a sip of yours and Natasha watched you as she raised the glass to her lips then paused for a second.

Her eyes trailed to your lips as you licked them to wipe away the traces of the drink. Your cheeks heated up under her far from subtle gaze and a lazy smirk played across Natasha's lips in her signature way.

It wasn't uncommon for Nat to flirt and tease you, she did it with everyone after all, but that night it seemed like a genuine interest, you just didn't want to fool yourself into thinking that.

You stretched your legs out infront of you simply to do something with yourself as Natasha continued to watch you mirror her position. You were startled when you felt on of her hands grip your calf and pull you up the bed towards her.

She silently took your glass from your hands and placed her glass down on the table with yours.

"What are you doing?" You asked with a smile as you tried to ignore your rapidly beating heart from having her hand on your calf and having the strength to pull you with the one hand just a second ago.

"Making the most of our time together." Natasha said simply as her hand dropped back down to your leg. Her fingers lightly ghosted up your calf again as a small smirk continued to stay on her lips.

You gulped, your mouth suddenly feeling very dry as you watched Natasha's slender fingers wander in a seemingly innocent way.

As if your dumbfounded and blank expression wasn't enough for her, Natasha suddenly sat up more and slowly lifted her leg over yours as she gave you some of the most intense eye contact you had ever experienced and straddled your lap.

You searched her face for anything and all you got was a mischievous smirk; nothing past that, no implication as to what was really happening.

"Cat got your tongue?" She teased as she ran her hands down your bare arms making you visibly shiver.

"I..." You whispered, having no idea what to say in response. Natasha lowered her head to the side of your neck and breathed lightly against the exposed skin, curtsey of the loose bun she had done for you.

"Maybe I should try steal it back." Her lips grazed your sensitive skin as she spoke. All sense escaped you when her lips pressed ever so lightly against your neck.

Her hands moved to your waist to hold you as she planted soft kisses along your neck that started to become less light. Her teeth nipped at your skin making you yelp slightly in surprise. Natasha grinned against you as her hands moved round to your stomach and pushed you down flat on your back on the mattress.

Seeing her straddling your stomach above you with an illegally attractive smirk made something undeniable go straight to your core. You clenched your thighs together subconsciously, not realising how telling the gesture was to Natasha.

She slowly leant down and hovered her face inches above yours as her hands trailed up to your own and pinned them above your head. Your breath was shaky and you just knew your friend could tell from your close proximity.

A million things buzzed around your head. Until you caught sight of an especially bright spec of green in Natasha's eyes and found yourself haulting all your questions. That was when you pushed all of your worries and questions to the side to focus on what was infront of you. Or rather who was ontop of you.

You closed your eyes and lifted your head, finally reciprocating in the way you had wanted to a while. Her lips met yours in an instant and felt even softer against your own than you had ever imagined. Your lips moved in perfect sync that you found yourself getting lost in as well as the taste of Natasha that you thought might stay with you forever.

You gasped and parted your lips when she pinched your inner thigh unexpectedly and was quietened when Natasha's tongue met yours. She sucked on it for a brief moment and grinned into you when she felt you moan.

Her lips left yours and started to kiss across your jaw before you could protest then dipped down to your neck. You tilted your head back to give her further access as you held onto her back and tried to steady your breathing.

While one hand held your waist the other stroked along your bare thigh under your dress. You closed your eyes as you struggled to competly focus on any one of the movements. You especially failed when Nat placed one of her muscular thighs between yours, forcing them apart and pressing down on a sensitive area.

You gasped as you felt her apply pressure to your aching clit with her thigh and bucked your hips against her. She chuckled lowly into your ear and held down your thigh and waist with strength that only feuled your growing arousal.

"Tasha." You moaned when the redhead bit down on your neck. Simultaneously, her hand wandered further up your thigh to explore the wanton part between your legs. She sighed deeply into your neck when her fingers brushed against wet spot on your panties.

You whined lowly when she withdrew her fingers only to flip you onto your front and straddle your back. Her slim fingers held the zip on the back of your dress dress swiftly pulled it down along with the rest of your dress.

Her hands ran along your bare back and she unfastened your bra with ease, throwing it somewhere neither of you cared about. She brought her hands back to you and caressed the exposed skin on your sides and leant down flat against you as her hands cupped your breasts. She kissed your shoulder blades as she started to pinch your strained buds. As much as you enjoyed the way she handled you, you needed attention lower down and was becoming impatient, resorting to rocking yourself against the bed in search of something.

"You're a needy thing, aren't you?" She husked, noticing your actions in an instant.

You whimpered into the bed and was suddenly moved onto your back again and stared up at the redheaded beauty who was taking in the sight of your bare breasts.

"You've got me all worked up too, baby." She said as she pulled her own dress down and flung it across the room. Unlike you, she wasn't wearing a bra under her dress giving you the sight of her perfect set. Your own eyes lowered and your breath hitched at the sight of her bare pussy. For a moment you questioned if she had it all planned, but she was straddling your face before you could think about it anymore.

She certainly wasn't lying when she said she was worked up, she was soaked.

With a burst of confidence, you grabbed the back of her thighs and lowered herself onto your tongue that swiped through her folds. You hummed at the initial taste that enveloped your senses and sucked momentarily on her throbbing clit.

"Fuck." Natasha moaned as she pulled on some loose strands of your hair. You pushed your tongue into her awaiting cunt as far as you could go and retracted it to repeat the motion, all while your best friend grinded down on your face.

"Such a good mouth." She praised as you focused your tongue on her soaking channel.

You brought one of your hands up and rubbed Natasha's clit with your thumb as your tongue started to increase it's pace. The redhead's inner walls started to clamp down on your muscle and you took this with a new vigor.

It didn't take long for her thighs to tighten around your head and for Natasha to ride out her orgasm in desperation as you eagerly lapped up all of her cum until she got off you.

"Suck." She instructed only slightly breathlessly as she held her fingers infront of your mouth. You opened in an instant and licked up the length of her fingers before taking them in your mouth as you kept your eyes trained on Natasha.

"Good girl." She praised with a smirk when she withdrew her fingers. She straddled one of your thighs as her fingers danced down to where you needed them the most.

Her fingers slipped inside your pussy with ease. They slowly edged further until they curled against your sweet spot that made your head drop back against the bed. Natasha repeated the come here motion everytime her fingers returned but her pace remained slow and teasing.

You whined in protest but was shushed by the redhead when she pressed herself into your thigh. You gasped as you felt her slick along your thigh and the small rotations of her hips to grind herself against you.

As the pace of her hips increased so did her fingers that were returning to you at twice the pace. You moaned together as everytime Natasha's fingers hit your special spot she angled herself to brush her clit up against your muscle.

The Russian started to dig herself deeper against you and her movements became much more frantic. Her fingers became rougher and faster, never failing to make your head spin when she angled them perfectly.

"Fuck, Nat!" You moaned as your bucked your hips up against her hand.

Her movements became less coordinated as she chased her release and consequently managed to extend her fingers deeper within you making your walls clamp down harshly.

"You feel so good against my pussy." Nat moaned until she came undone on your thigh soon followed by you.

She spread her arousal across your thigh as she rode out her orgasm and kept her fingers deep inside you making you squirm under her.

Her eyes were still glazed over when she looked back down at you and saw you unsuccessfully trying to move away. An evil glint appeared in her eyes as a smirk played on her lips and she leaned down to hover over you again.

"Oh, malysh, we are no where near done."

You woke up to a stream of sunlight flowing into the bedroom and onto the bed. You instinctively went to shield your eyes and turn over but when you did you noticed the body laying peacefully next to you.

You let your eyes adjust and brain start to kick in until you saw the mess of red hair on the pillow next to you. You smiled widely when the memories of the night before began to come back to you.

You were both laying naked in bed with the duvet barely covering you. Natasha had her back to you so you reached out and gently stroked a finger across her shoulder blades. Her shoulders tensed slightly as she gradually woke up and you were reminded of how much you pushed your bodies to the limit. You were feeling kind of sore too.

"Good morning." You greetee with a tired continuous smile and scooched over closer to her only for her to sit up without looking at you.

"Morning." She replied stiffly. You frowned a little in confusion and glanced over at her alarm clock to see how late it is and go to get up too. You had a team meeting that morning that you definetly couldn't miss.

You didn't really know what to say to her when you were finding your clothes. She didn't say anything either but the silence didn't feel right. Not awkward, just not right.

You kept glancing over at her but she never faced you when she was quickly getting changed into clean clothes.

You looked over at the clock again nervously. Half an hour until the meeting. Need to have a shower, clean clothes, breakfast? No, no time. Talk to Natasha?

You really had no clue what to say to the redhead you had spent the night in and it definelty didn't help that your brain hadn't fully kicked in yet.

"So I'll...see you later then?" Smooth, y/n.

"Yeah." Nat said back as she searched for something in her drawers. You nodded and awkwardly pointed to the door and practically ran towards it. The moment you were on the other side of the door you smacked yourself on forehead and started to think about what to say to your best friend.

Throughout the whole of the team meeting Natasha didn't look at you once. Even in the most important meetings she would shoot you a smile every so often or kick you lightly if she knew you weren't paying attention. But she never even acknowledged you in that one.

Granted, the mission brief was one of the most important ones the team had ever had while you had been there. It wasn't for a couple of weeks because an operation like that one required a lot of planning, preparing and paperwork to fill out before it had even started.

It was the single biggest Hydra base there was. It was the heart of all Hydra operations and that meant there was a lot to do. All Hydra agents needed to be captured or killed, all data and information they had needed to be taken and the place needed to be destroyed.

The meeting dragged on for a long time and eventually you were all told to leave and continue as normal until the mission. You planned to walk out with Natasha but she had disappeared before you got the chance.

It was like that for the rest of the day. You never saw your friend and everytime you asked someone where she was she was never where they said. It felt like you were going on a wild goose chase for her between training and eating.

Eventually though, you finally found her in the kitchen late in the evening making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She saw you approaching and tensed up without you noticing as you nervously approached, practising what had decided to say to her over in your head.

"Hey." You smiled, eyes trailing to the snack she had prepared as you remembered the time you lectured her on doing it wrong and corrected her. She had insisted you couldn't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrong, but always did it your way after that.

"Hi." She said as she cut the sandwich in half and went to make a swift leave.

"I've been looking for you all day." You half laughed as you moved to stand infront of her.

"I've been busy." She replied and went to move around you.

"Yeah." You laughed nervously again as you followed her.

You had never really been one to shoot your shot or make the first move. It was awkward and uncomfortable even if you ended up lucky. You had never wanted to risk screwing everything up.

You could manage the bottled up feelings most of the time. You always chose that over some form of confrontation. Those were just small, passing crushes. Natasha Romanoff was far from that. And given everything that had happened the night before, you were sure you had a chance - more than a chance.

"So last night was great. More than great actually." You corrected as you managed to keep up with her fast strides.

"I'n glad you enjoyed it." She said simply.

"Did...did you?"

"Yes."

"Cool, so um I was thinking- well I was wondering if you would want to go out sometime." You started as you fiddled with your fingers. "I know you're busy so it doesn't have to be right away- or at all of course! Totally up to you, we could just get a drink or a meal." You rambled, going completly off script. You could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest as you caught sight of Natasha's room. She stayed silent for a while and you started to suspect you should have kept your mouth shut.

"Look, y/n." Oh God. "Last night wasn't...we were drunk." She started.

"No we weren't." You instantly said and winced at your frantic reply. "I mean we were tipsy at the very most." You corrected and hoped it overruled your desperate comment prior.

"Right, but it wasn't anything serious." Oh fuck. "We were just messing around and celebrating." She said slowly as she reached her door and grabbed the handle, clearly wanting to leave the awkward convosation.

"Oh...yeah of course. I knew that." You lied. "I just thought...yeah never mind- sorry." You rambled again and scratched the back of your neck.

"It's alright." She said looking at her door longingly. "See you tomorrow, y/n." She finally said.

"Yeah, goodnight, Nat." You said back and heard the door shut as soon as you turned around.

Fuck!

Natasha was a generally very mature person. That meant she could put aside personal differences for her job and move past disagreements and resolve tension for the sake of the friendships she developed and treasured. It seemed that didn't apply to you.

You understood that the redhead would want space for a few days. Time was the best thing you could give to allow yourself to pick up the pieces of your heart to reassemble eventually and for Natasha move past what you said.

A week past and Natasha still avoided you like the plague.

That drastic change was one you had never prepared yourself to adjust to. You had been so confident that Natasha felt the same way, it was the one time you didn't plan for rejection. That made it even harder. One moment you and Natasha were practically joint at the hip and the next you were rarely in the same room.

Everytime she went into a room and saw you there she made some excuse about forgetting something and didn't return. If it was you who arrived in a room she was already in she would mutter something about being busy and having things to do.

That meant Nat started doing things like training in the evenings or early night just to avoid you. It was a miracle if she ate a meal with the others too. Her whole schedule changed drastically.

The others noticed pretty quickly. All of it. Natasha's strange routine was just as clear as her separation from you. No one really wanted to say anything, thinking that any issues you and Natasha had could be solved by yourselves. But with the mission fast approaching and there being no signs of things returning to normal, Steve decided to talk to you.

You knew it was Steve at your door by the softness of his knock. Everyone on the team could determine who was outside their door by their knock, it didn't seem possible but it was your equivalent of knowing which family member was coming up the stairs.

"Come in, Steve." You called as you flicked through Netflix. It was late in the evening and you were trying to unwind before bed but you were still haunted by the memories of screwing up your friendship with Natasha.

"You alright?" He asked as he closed the door and joined you on the bed that sunk a little under his weight.

"Never better." You said sarcastically before smiling a little at him, you knew he meant well.

"What's going on with you and Nat?" He asked. You paused you mindless scrolling through the TV as you felt the pain in your chest return.

"I messed it up, Steve. I messed it all up." You admitted as you started to shake.

"Hey." He comforted as he saw tears form in your eyes. He put his arms around you and let you lean into him and rest you head on his shoulder.

"I don't know how to fix it." You babbled.

"Fix what?"

"Us. I think she hates me."

"Nat could never hate you." He assured making you cry a little harder.

"She won't go near me." You argued

"What happened?" He asked again patiently.

"She knows. She knows I like her." Steve chuckled softly and continued to hold you.

"Y/n we all know. It doesn't take a spy to work it out." You sniffed with a smile and wiped the tears away as you leant away from him to look at the blonde.

"I asked her out." You said.

"That was a brave thing to do." He defended despite clearly knowing how it turned out for you. You decided to leave out the reason you worked up the balls to do it.

"I don't think she thinks so." Steve sighed as he looked at the TV in consideration.

"Maybe, but she will eventually."

"How long will that be?"

"It's hard to say with Nat, but eventually. You could try talk to her again?" He suggested.

"Have you been missing how she avoids me like I'm her worst nightmare." You deadpanned.

"You let her know you care about her a lot, you're not far off." You thought for a moment about how right Steve was. Nat never did like intimacy, but she never had a problem with it if it was you. "And she may be a spy by we have a security room." He pointed out and you smiled again.

"Okay." You agreed. "Tomorrow." You decided, knowing there was a lot higher chance of you actually going through with it if you had already told Steve you would.

"Okay." He smiled back and stood up from the bed and went to leave.

"Have you talked to her?" You suddenly asked.

"Seems like she's avoiding everyone."

You surprised even yourself when you found yourself in the security room the next day in the late evening. It didn't take you long to flick through all the cameras and spot Natasha training with the holograms.

You made your way down to her quickly, trying to figure out at least the outline of what you could say to her. Nothing really came to mind when you tried to piece it together.

When you arrived she was focused on throwing an onslaught of punches at a punching bag that honestly looked like it was on the verge of being torn in half. It made you strongly consider backing out when you saw her like that. You just hoped that state of mind wouldn't come across in your convosation.

"Hey." You croaked making the redhead spin around with her guard still up. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." You assured as you took a tentative step towards her.

"You didn't scare me." She defied, annoyance present in her voice.

"I guess if you can be pranked by Clint that many times and not be scared nothing will scare you." You joked in a futile attempt to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

The redhead stayed silent as she adjusted the straps on her gloves. You thought she would pack up her things and leave but she went back to the punching bag and blanked you.

"Are you gonna ignore me forever?" You sighed. She paused her punches for a second before turning to look at you for the first time in over a week.

"I'm not ignoring you."

"We haven't talked in a while." You said, choosing not to argue over the fact that yes she definetly had been ignoring you.

"I've been busy." Her expression was stoic as she looked at you and it made you uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry for making things weird. But we can move past it. I can so you definitely should. Just because you don't want to date me doesn't mean you get to treat me like this, it's not fair on me and its not fair on the team." You breathed deeply when you finished and averted your eyes as you grew more uncomfortable from the confrontation.

"That's just the thing, y/n." Natasha said as she started to take her gloves off. "You're not going to move past it. I know you, and I know you're not going to be over it in a week." You frowned at her blunt response and took a few more steps towards her.

"Get over yourself, Nat." You sighed in frustration. "It's not like I declared that I was inlove with you. And don't forget that you came onto me that night."

"Exactly, y/n. It was one fucking night. It didn't mean anything but you decided to make a big deal out of it." You struggled to push aside the ache that came from her words and the bitter way she delivered them.

"You're never intimate with anyone. So yes when you fucked me and let me fuck you I thought there might be something more to it. It's not a crime to want something more."

Nat's jaw clenched at your words. You had brought in something personal about her and she was inevitably about to put up her walls in the most hurtful way she could. You knew that, but it didn't help you prepare.

"Why can't you accept that you were just a good fuck?" She spat as she glared at you. "Definitely one that I regret." You gulped as you took in the harsh reality of her words.

"Regret?" You whispered.

"Yes, y/n. I regret it. It was a mistake, every fucking bit of it." A mistake?

You didn't say anything in response to that. You were sure that even if you could think of something it would just come out as a squeak. Nat continued to glare at you in a way you couldn't hold. You glanced down at the floor, then the walls, then the punching pad and nodded quickly. You turned around and wandered aimlessly out the room as tears fell silently down your cheeks.

Needless to say things didn't get any better after that encounter. The only difference was that you were mutually avoiding each other. It hurt. A lot. You never thought you would avoid Natasha like you were. You never thought she would break your heart either.

The day of the mission didn't change anything. You and Natasha were sat as far away from each other as possible.

Only the anxiety over the mission was able to overpower the tension in the plane.

Steve had gone over the brief once more in full detail on the plane and you replayed all the information in your head until you landed. Once the quinjet had engaged its cloaking tech it landed in an open area in the surrounding forest.

You all left the quinjet in a concentrated silence as you surveyed your surroundings. It didn't take long to find the first patrolling agents in the forest that were swiftly taken out as to not alert anyone else.

The whole team was scattered across the forest from four planes in a circular layout that advanced towards the Hydra base. Even some of the best S.H.I.E.L.D agents had been brought in to assist. Steve was the first to infiltrate the base and in the least subtle way. You could hear the glass smashing and loud grunts in your coms that made you wish, not for the first time, that you could adjust the volume on those things.

You knew your route. You had it memorized clearly in your head and you also knew that some of it overlapped with Natasha's. You spotted her in your peripheral as you turned a corner to shoot at two charging agents. You leant back against the wall to reload and glanced to your left to see Natasha advancing. Stay focused. You reminded yourself.

You took a quick glance behind the corner again before looking back at Natasha who had her gun raised at you with a flightly fearing expression. Your eyes widened and you went to shout at her to stop messing around but she had already fired the gun. You heard a loud grunt and a body collapse to the floor tight behind you. You swivelled around to see a Hydra agent laying in a pool of his own blood with a handgun next to him.

"Thanks." You breathed out and started around the corner. Natasha had to take another left to the supposed data room where she could collect as much as much as could. You had to keep going but felt the sudden urge to ensure that she was safe. You looked over your shoulder as she opened the door and fired two shots before swiftly entering the room with her gun still raised.

You listened out for any more shots and heard none. She's fine. She knows what she's doing. You assured yourself as you went on.

Half an hour later the building had been cleared of all Hydra agents. Many had been captured and were had many hours of interrogation ahead of them while others hadn't been so lucky. It always weighed on you for a while when you killed as many people as you did on that mission. It was hard but it was necessary. It was the job.

The price of freedom is high. You reminded yourself. The price of freedom is high. The price of freedom is h- "Agent Romanoff is down."

"What?!" You spun around to face the building to see the room Natasha was in. It was in the center of the left side because of course you remembered exactly where she was meant to be.

You instinctively started sprinting back to the building when there was a sudden bright orange and yellow light followed by a deafening boom from the exact room Natasha was meant to be in. The explosion was quick but you got a chance to get an estimate of the scale of it and if Natasha was still in there...oh God.

"Has anyone got eyes on Romanoff?!" You demanded as you stared up at the building, finding yourself rooted to the spot.

"I got her." Steve coughed painfully. "I need a medic." He announced as he ran through the building and out the nearest exit with Natasha unconscious in his arms.

Everything else faded into the background when you saw her. The building still needed to be destroyed but you couldn't care less about the mission.

You stayed at Steve's side as he carried the readhead to the plane and laid her down gently on the bench. A medic was already there waiting and was checking Nat's vitals in an instant.

You dropped down to your knees next to her and watched her face for any signs of consciousness. When you couldn't find any you gently took ahold of her hand and laced your fingers together. You took a great deal of comfort in how warm they were and how warm you were determined for them to remain. You would kill Nat if she died on you.

Yes, she had hurt you. But you were pretty sure you were inlove with her.

You didn't let go of Natasha's hand for a long time. You held onto it tightly throughout the entirety of the flight home. You kept your fingers laced together when she was being taken to the medical wing. You held her hand for a while when they had finally settled her into a bed. She looked so peaceful in that state, you hoped it felt like that for her. She was still so beautiful too, even when she had dirt and smoke all over her before you had cleaned it all off.

You only let go when Steve practically dragged you out of the room to get some proper sleep in your bed.

You had been assured by multiple people that Natasha would be fine.

She had already been unconcious when Steve found her and was able to get her out the room before the bomb went off. It still had an impact and threw them both against a wall, but they were okay. She was okay.

You visited the redhead often but never stayed for long. As much as you wanted to, you knew she wouldn't want you there when she woke up. She had made it clear before that you had lost what you had with her, you were sure the mission hadn't changed that.

One day when you approached her room you peered around the door and saw that she was already sat up and looking around. She spotted you at the door instantly.

"Sorry." You apologised and went make a swift leave but stopped in your tracks when she spoke.

"Please don't go." She called out. You slowly turned around to face her and saw a pleading look across her face that you had never seen in her before.

You hesitated for a moment until you timidly made your way to the chair next to her bed. She watched you do so silently and anxiously, like she expected you to run out any second. You honestly thought about it, thinking another lecture was coming.

"You've been out a few days." You told her without meeting her eyes. "I was worried." You mentally scolded yourself for saying it as soon as you did, thinking that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry." She surprised you by saying.

"It's not your fault, you didn't throw the bomb at yourself." You smiled nervously.

"Not about that." Nat said quietly. "About everything else. I treated you so badly." The regret couldn't have been more clear in her voice. "I was just scared- and that's not an excuse! It's just the truth." She explained nervously. You listened intently as you stared at her duvet.

"I lied when I said it was a mistake. I lied when I said I regretted it. I lied when I said it didn't mean anything. It meant everything to me, y/n." She explained wholeheartedly as tears started to form in her eyes.

For a moment you couldn't quite comprehend what you're seeing or hearing. Natasha was letting down her walls competly. She was being vulnerable to you.

"I care about you so much. More than I've ever let myself care about anyone. I pushed it aside and tried to ignore it for the longest time but that night I caved and I...I don't know I wasn't thinking about anything other than how much I wanted to show you I cared for you. And when I thought I finally figured out a way to do it I couldn't face it after.

"You never did anything wrong, y/n. It was all me. I couldn't face my feelings but I can't stand not being with you. Is there..." She gulped as her hands trembled notably. "Is there any possibility of a second chance?" She whispered almost fearfully. You finally looked up at her and saw the tears running down her cheeks as she gazed at you like you were the only thing of any importance in the world.

You took her shaking hand in both of yours to steady it and yourself as you spoke. "No more running off?" You asked.

"No more running off." She confirmed.

"No more lying to me?"

"No more lying."

"No more being a pussy." You half joked.

"Definelty no more being a pussy." She laughed weakly.

"Okay then. Natasha, would you like to go on a date with me?" You asked with a smile you couldn't hold back.

"It would be my pleasure, y/n." You grinned and leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on her lips as you kept ahold of her hands. She smiled against you and when you moved back you saw the glint of happiness in her eyes.

Sure, you had done things in the completly wrong order. And yes, the journey to get there had been far from easy. But you swore that day that you would make sure everything after it was done perfectly.

It was a few weeks later on the night you shared your first 'I love you' that she confessed she had sworn the same thing. And it worked.

#natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff #black widow imagine #black widow #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff angst

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peachy-hk · 3 years

Note

hello hello let me send an angst req real quick. arranged marriage w sakusa (or akaashi or ushijima, u choose if u dont write for the other ones) where the reader was in love w him and he hates the idea of the marriage so always leashes out on their s/o and by the time he realized that he loves them too etc its too late. or just do wtv u want i need sumn arranged marriage angst rn. like yk extremely angst - 🐰

OH MY GOD??? Pls this request itself made me sad kdjsksks. Forgive me if I don’t do it justice but just know your request is a work of art 🥴🥴 and also?? did I just get my first anon????? AH???? 🐰 anon will forever be engraved in my brain kjsdhkfjk

anymore.- Sakusa Kiyoomi X Reader

in which your husband to be doesn’t realize he loves you until after you’re gone.

Warnings: Fem reader! Cursing. (Reader x Osamu near the end). Manga spoilers! (Sakusa, Osamu, and Atsumu.)

Word Count: 1.4K

Sakusa Kiyoomi had never really put thought into getting married. To him, marriage was something he would probably never do. Not because he hated the idea of it, but because he never thought he’d find the right person to settle down with. Chances were he was never going to get married. He knew that, his parents knew that, hell even his friends knew that. So why was he sitting across from you, in a room with both of your parents, being told that the two of you would be getting married? He didn’t know.

In all honesty, Kiyoomi had already planned his life out. Getting married to you was not part of that plan. You were just an obstacle in his life plan. A nail when all he had was a screwdriver. He didn’t hate you. To be honest he didn’t even think you were a bad person. But every time he saw you, he was reminded of the fact that he would have to get married to you. The fact that he’d have to settle down and start a family. All of it angered him. Even though he didn’t hate you as a person, he hated that you would get in the way of his future career in volleyball.

You weren’t marrying him for the money. Your family lived a comfortable life, not extremely rich but not dirt poor either. The reason you were getting married to him was to make both of your parents happy.

You had quickly come to love the curly black haired man. The way he showed such love and dedication for volleyball. How he had his morals and stuck by them. The way he smiled when talking to his teammates (a rare but beautiful sight). All of these things you had managed to pick up by going to a couple of his games. Other things like how he acted around the people he loved, or his cute habits were things you learned from tea afternoons with his mother. You knew he didn’t like you, but you had hoped that he would grow to love you eventually.

Waiting for him to love you was painful of course. Skipped dinners, dates that he didn’t show up to, nights where he didn’t even come home to the shared house the two of you had moved into. You slept in different rooms, but it hurt to know he was out somewhere and preferred being there than in the same house as you. Then again, it wasn’t like he would talk to you even if he was home. If you had tried to start any type of conversation with him, it would be dry and short. If you kept pushing for a conversation, it would become an argument.

“Why don’t you ever want to talk to me?”

“Why don’t I talk to you?” He spoke sharply, the tone of his voice was harsh and cold. “I don’t talk to you because you’ve basically ruined my life. All you’ve done since I met you was side track my life. You're useless. I have no reason to get married to you. You don’t help me achieve anything, hell you don’t even support my volleyball career. All you do is ask me stupid questions because you want to talk. TAKE A HINT GOD DAMNIT, HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?”

Every fight was the same. It was always “you’re useless”, “you don’t support me.” and “you ruined my life” along with lots of cuss words thrown in the mix. You had gotten used to the arguments. Was arguments even the right word? It was one sided, the constant throwing of insults and harsh words at you, but they were never returned to him. You didn’t have the heart to speak to him like that. You loved him after all.

“I’m calling off the wedding.” You say to him. The two of you are sitting across from each other in the dining room of your rather luxurious house. “What?” He says. Finally looking you in the eyes for the first time in weeks. He sets his tall glass of water on the table, waiting for you to say more. “I’m calling off the wedding.” You say again. You don’t understand the look of confusion on his face, he’s the one that wants this way more than you do. “I’ve spoken to both our parents on our behalf, I told them things weren’t working, they are not pleased, but they understand our decision.”

“Our decision?”

“Yes Sakusa. Our decision.”

“I supported you and your volleyball career. I chose to love you even when you didn’t love me back. I chose to put up with your childish tantrums because you were mad. And about what? The fact that your parents want you to settle down? The fact that your parents wanted you to have somebody to carry out your volleyball legacy? All you’ve done is push me away. I’m done putting up with your bullshit Kiyoomi.”

It had been three months since you had called off your engagement with Kiyoomi. The first few weeks after it was hell for the two of you. You had gone back and forth from regretting your decision to being glad that you had done it.

Your relationship with Kiyoomi was horrible. It was bad for me and my mental health. I don’t need him. I’m better off alone.

but he wasn’t.

After you left him he started thinking about you. It didn’t make sense to him, the marriage was arranged so how could you just call it off like it was nothing?? How could you spend months trying to get to know him, trying to get him to have the slightest liking in you, to just toss him like a piece of garbage?

he didn’t understand.

He began to miss the way you would sing in you shower. He wondered if you knew he could hear you, but he never cared to bring it up. He opted to listen to the melodies you’d sing, never getting through a full song before starting to sing a new one.

When he’d wake up in the morning, he’d be reminded of you. The lack of breakfast in the kitchen, the wilting or already dead flowers in the hallway. He didn’t have the heart to throw the flowers away, remembering how you had rambled to yourself about how they were your favourite when you thought he wasn’t listening. Everything reminded him of you. And yet, he still didn’t know why.

He was the one that was constantly yelling at you. He was the one that didn’t want to get married to you. He was the one that saw you as an obstacle, one to over come instead of embracing. He was the one who pushed you away, when all you wanted was to get closer to him.

And he was the one that missed you.

5 months after you left Kiyoomi, he finds out you’re getting married to a certain silver haired twin from a certain blonde haired twin. According to Atsumu, you and Osamu had been friends for years. Atsumu had mentioned that you were often helping at Onigiri Miya when Osamu needed more people to work.

He feels conflicted.

He knows that life isn’t like a romance story. He knows that showing up at your wedding and telling you to marry him instead won’t work. He knew that if he ran into you in the middle of the street you wouldn’t go for coffee with him. Nothing works like that. And yet, he still wants to try.

Life doesn’t work like that.

There he sits in a black three piece suit, siping on the champaign that was poured for the MSBY table minutes earlier. Tonight is a night of celebration. A night where everyone is supposed to be happy for the bride and groom.

But all he feels is regret.

He should be the one dancing with you in the middle of the venue. He should have been the one to put the ring on your finger. The one you say “I do” to, the one the your vows are for. But he isn’t.

He drowns away his feelings in alcohol. He hopes that he’ll wake up and it’ll all be a nightmare. That he’ll wake up to the smell of you making breakfast and fresh flowers in the vases in the house. He wants you to ask him how his day was. He wants to hear the way “Kiyoomi” rolls off your tongue one last time. But he won’t.

You’re not his anymore.

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #sakusa #sakusa x reader #sakusa x y/n #sakusa angst #hq #hq sakusa #hq angst #🐰 anon

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rintarhue · 3 years

Text

instant boyfriend ✆ 013 / love

➪ MAIN MENU | PREVIOUS | NEXT

Rintaro knows he isn’t human.

That information was pretty much implanted in his brain. ‘You are just a robot—created to help make our customers feel as if they are not alone.’ Was said by Kuroo, the head robotic engineer, the first day after Rintaro was confirmed to be a working robot. ‘You are programmed to love them; and when caught with any sign of malfunctioning in your system, your data will be immediately deleted.’

“Are you okay?” He asks your crying form, as you watch him through bleary eyes.

You shut your eyes, biting your bottom lip harshly. Before you could wipe the tear that threatened to fall, Rintaro plants his hand on your cheek, wiping it for you. He then urges you to look into his worried gaze, as he wraps you in his warm embrace.

“Takahiro told me he liked me.” You cry into his chest, your snot covers his sweater, but he couldn’t care less. He pats your back, soothingly. “All my life, all I ever wanted was to hear those words come out from someone—from anyone’s mouth.”

You’re quiet for a few minutes until you open your mouth to speak again.

“I would throw myself to so many people; falling for them so fast and then confessing right after—only to have my heart broken right after,” Rintaro listens to every word you say. Pain coated your voice, as it wavers slightly in the end. He feels a slight tinge in his artificial heart. “My friends would say I was just being shameless, I was just being shallow…”

Breaking apart from his hold, you hiccup the next few words.

“—But all I ever wanted was to be loved, you know?”

Your cries get even louder; though this time, it sounds even more sincere. The pent up disappointment and frustration through the years finally exploded; you were never really that vulnerable towards other people, not wanting to burden them even more with your pain. You often kept the facade of being eccentric and loud to compensate for it.

“When my parents divorced, I felt as if I was left alone in this world.” You reveal to him, as he sees your tears pour like a never-ending storm. “The two of them started their new lives, creating a separate family that wasn't the three of us. I chased so many people because I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted to feel as if I was part of something; something worth fighting for—that I’m worthy of being loved.”

Your friends were aware that you came from a broken family, but you never really talked about it—keeping the pain buried in your heart. Your friends knew how you celebrated events twice in a year; how you had to plan your schedules meticulously just to meet your parents.

It was a constant tug of war; one was a loss, while the other was in victory for a short period. Though, in this game, there was no winner. You lost every time. (It makes sense, because you lost your completeness as a family, anyway.)

You look at Rintaro; vulnerable. “If you weren’t a robot, would you love me?”

He stays quiet for a while.

“I’d love you either way,” his answer makes your eyes widen in response. “Because you’re you, Y/N.”

You feel your heartbeat faster than usual, you shake your head as you deny it.

“You were programmed to say that, weren’t you?” You laugh, though it’s not sincere like your usual laugh. He frowns at that finding. “I mean, what did I expect? You’re programmed to care for me, so you inevitably said that.”

Rintaro feels a weird static in his chest when he says the following words, “I wasn’t programmed to say that.”

“Yes, you were.” You sigh, wiping your tears. You offer him a small smile, “It isn’t your fault though.”

He cups your cheeks once more, eyes staring deeply into yours. This time, his eyes hold something deeper into them—

“I’ll make sure you won’t feel alone anymore because I’m here. And I will spend the days I have to love you.” Rintaro breathes, his words holding no lies. “And I can assure you that I’m not programmed to say this—may it be a glitch in the system, but I don’t care.”

Rintaro knows he isn’t human, but he feels like one whenever he’s with you. The way his heart suddenly feels like bursting from the cage of his body, the way he instantly smiles at the very thought of you, or the way you’re the only one coursing through his brain. He has never felt this way from any of his past customers, and it excites and scares him both at the same time.

This is what you do for love, right?

ㅤ

— FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

— ive thrown some Clues so lets take a moment to digest that 🙏 kidding but not rly 🤥

— also this is UNEDITED pls dont fry me alive

taglist in reblogs <3 send an ask or message me to be added!

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smau #hq x reader #hq smau #suna rintarou x reader #suna rintarou x you #suna rintarou #suna x y/n #suna x you #suna x reader #suna smut #suna #hq suna #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu smut #hq #haikyuu #haikyuu smau series

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bubblybubbubs · 3 years

Text

Stuck With Me (3)

Summary - Draco’s POV on losing his soulmate

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count - 3.5k

AN- I am so sorry this took so long, I hope you all enjoy it!

Part 1 2

taglist - @lonely-kermit @lifeasdreamgirl @mera-shifts @abbyloubaton @clumsilyclueless @confusedscreaminggremlin @seanh-boredom @weasleysmalfoyxstyles @thefandomplace @mayempress @shadyrose66622 @jay-jay-love @ktvia @lovebynorth @sweet-creature98 @remmyswritings @chaoticgirl04

Sometimes Draco thought about how different his life would be had he not left you, had you not gotten hurt and lost your fucking memory.

It was truly ridiculous, the universe was actively conspiring against him, he was sure of it.

His current living situation just proved that further to him. “Wake the fuck up.” Blaise said slowly pouring water on his face even though Blaise himself was evidently groggy. “I will kill you.”

“Looking forward to it.”

Draco was unsure as to why Blaise had chosen to live in a crappy apartment when his family Manor was free. He missed his silk sheets and expensive pillows. Yet sadly the ministry had decided they wanted to take that leaving Draco on Blaise’s smelly consignment store couch. Had he gotten completely cut off by his family? Perhaps, it would make the disgustingly plain beans and toasts they ate daily make a lot more sense. He’d hate to think that Blaise fed them this by choice.

“Guess who wrote.” Blaise said, wiggling a letter in Draco’s face.

“Loud ginger?”

“Loud ginger.” He confirmed dropping it in on Draco’s face. “You should answer her before we get a howler, then we’ll really see how loud the ginger can get.” Draco looked at the letter, Ginny’s name was scrawled on the envelope and the aggressiveness of the signature made him heavily considering not opening it but the possibility of getting a howler from her convinced him otherwise.

Draco,

You are the worst and I hate you. I’m not sure if you care anymore given that you have refused to make contact with her but y/n is doing fine. I mean sure she’s been asking about her soulmate and lying to her is slowly killing me, but I’m glad you and Blaise are having fun in your bachelor pad and that you have successfully cleared your amnesiac soulmate out of your head.

Looking forward to hearing your pathetic excuses,

Ginny Weasley.

It was way too fucking early for this.

Things were strange.

You had gotten most of your memories back but everything was very different than what you remembered, everyone was different after the war.

The Weasleys, oh the poor Weasleys, they were like your family but the life has been sucked out of them without Fred. They had all tried to hide it from you, they believed you were already going through enough and you didn’t need their problems too. Ginny especially, she hadn’t left your side since you woke up. You kind of felt bad for Harry because whenever he wanted to spend some one on one time with Ginny she always insisted you tagged along.

For example whatever the fuck this current situation was.

“I’m really sorry Harry.” You whispered to him. “I told her I’d be fine alone.”

At first it had sort of made sense how careful everyone had been around you, but at this point it was exhausting. You would walk into a room and it would just go silent. You lost your memory, not your basic communication skills.

“It’s fine, I understand Ginny can be quite persistent.”

“What about me.” Ginny said hooking her arms with the both of you.

“Just that I don’t think I should be going on your dates anymore, it’s kind-“

“Ginny.” Harry said interrupting you pointing towards a boy down the street. He was blonde and lanky, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

You had seen Ginny mad, in fact it was one of the first things to come back to you. Her calm fury was something that hadn’t remained constant since she was young and right now you saw it on her face as she stared daggers into the boy.

She scoffed. “I’ll be back.”

“This might take a while.” Harry said quietly, shaking his head. “Come on we can meet Ginny there.” You stole a glance across the street as Harry dragged you away. Ginny was yelling at the boy but he didn’t seem to care because he wasn’t looking at her he was looking at you. You felt your face heat up and you looked away from him following Harry. “Who was that, should I know him?”

Harry paused for a minute.

He had that face that people had whenever they were walking on eggshells around you.“He went to school with us but I don’t think you two were ever friends.” The way he didn’t look you in the eyes screamed to you that he was lying.Harry was always a horrible bloody liar.

It was really hard for Draco to process what Ginny was saying. Her anger had gone right to her face and Draco had been silently betting with himself as to how long it would take for her face to turn the same color as her hair. “Your face is really red.” Draco said, struggling to hold back his laughter. “Are you drunk.” Ginny said stoically.

Was he? It was likely, he honestly couldn't remember the morning or yesterday. The days were sort of blending together.

“Malfoy.” Ginny said. Usually when people used his name they were yelling at him or were angry at him. But Ginny said it with pity which somehow felt worse.

“I don’t get why you're doing this to yourself.” She said. “You’re miserable.” He deserved to be miserable.

“It’s for the best.”

“How’s that.”

Draco had no interest in divulging his feelings to weaslette of all people, but it seemed his judgement was slightly impaired by the alcohol he may or may not had been drinking. “I’m going to fucking Azakban Ginevra,I just dont see the point in telling her I’m her soulmate and possibly facing rejection just for me to be thrown in Azkaban for the rest of my life.” Draco huffed. “Even if she somehow forgave me, I doubt the dementors will be allowing conjugal visits.”

“There are no more dementors at Azkaban, Kingsley got rid of them.”

Now normally Draco was against hitting girls but he was considering it heavily. “Thank you Weasley. I feel way better, I’m sure Azkaban is a paradise now. Remind me to send Kingsley a thank you letter.”

“Draco.” Ginny said.

Gross, hearing Ginny say his first name with pity felt even worse.

“You’re not going to Azkaban, Harry agreed to speak at your trial.”

“Oh great he’ll testify to the one time I helped him, I’m sure it’ll cancel everything else out.” He said. “I’m not a good person Weasley, that’s why I know I’m going to Azkaban, because I deserve it.”

“Is that why you’re staying away from y/n?” Ginny said even angrier than before. “Is this some sort of self punishment.”

Draco stayed quiet.

“Merlin, Draco go to fucking therapy.” Ginny huffed. “You’re not the only one that’ll suffer because of your self pity. She needs her fucking soulmate back, as much as I hate you for everything you’ve put her through I can’t argue with the fucking universe and neither can you.”

“Exactly.”

“What?”

“I shouldn’t have fucking gotten involved with her in the first place, it’s only put her in danger.” He took a deep shaky breath. “And her losing her memory was the universe’s way of telling me to stay away.”

He had known for a long time that she was too good for him

It was dark and he was tired, turns out making potter stinks badges and teaching all of Slytherin clever chants was demanding. Draco wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings as he walked back to his dorm until of course he heard quiet sobs. He was a firm believer that crying in public was pathetic, especially in a hallway where anyone could stumble across you. And he might’ve told them that had it not been you. He had been thinking about you, not that he would ever tell anyone that ever. But how could he not, you were his soulmate and that had to mean something.

He barely had time to think as his feet moved on their own bringing him in front of you.

“Why are you crying.”

Merlin, could he have been any less compassionate.

“Why do you care Malfoy.” You said.

He hated the way you looked pretty even if your eyes were all puffy and your face was all red.

“I don’t.”

He did. He even started to walk away for dramatic effect of course.

“I’m scared.” It felt weird to hear sincere words from you that weren't you yelling at him, and he hated the fact that he didn't hate it. “Harry has his first task tomorrow he could get hurt or worse.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Don’t tell him I told you this but he has to be some sort of invincible to defeat Voldemort at the age of 1. Don't you think?”He could hardly believe the words he was saying.

“I suppose you’re right.” You finished off.

Draco sat tensely, he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He couldn't hug you could he? No that would be seriously overstepping. You would probably punch him in the face, again. After all you had been the one who wanted to forget about the whole soulmate thing and of course you were a halfblood and a gryffindor on top of that. It would never work.

For once he hated being right.

You were actively weighing how likely it was for Ginny to kill you if you woke her up.

Very, is what you eventually came up with. Maybe you could play the amnesia card.

“What do you want y/n.” Ginny grogged from under her. “I’ve been listening to you shifting around for the last hour.”

You had been staying at the Weasley’s and you had absolutely refused to take Fred’s bed so that had resulted in a cramped hammock floating in Ginny’s room.

You turned around to face her with a sorry look on your face.

“Did I know that boy, the one you were yelling at.” You said. “I just feel like I knew him.”

Ginny was quiet the same way Harry was. “No.” She said turning away from you. “No you didn’t.”

“Ginny-”

“Y/n please don’t.” Ginny said, cutting you off. “It’s not for me to tell, if it was believe me you’d already know.”

“I want to go.”

“Go where.”

“To Hogwarts.”

It was embarrassing. Everyone had gone already; they had been able to at least attempt to cope with the trauma they had endured. And you who couldn't even remember the bloody war couldn't work up the nerves to go.

Ginny stared at you for a bit before muttering. “Hermione and Ron are going soon, they’ll likely let you join them.” You were about to make an argument about going on your own before Ginny turned back around nonverbally telling you that the conversation was over.

You still couldn’t sleep and not from lack of trying. Your mind was whirring, ever since you had seen Ginny yell at the boy your lack of memory seemed to be feeling different. And your fear was beginning to settle in, your doctor said that some memories may never come back and that thought made you sick to your stomach. You didn’t feel all that different, Ginny said you were the same whenever you asked. But she could be lying (since she seemed to be in the habit of doing so these days) and you would never know because you had amnesia.

Draco was regretting not taking his plea deal. He would much rather be sleeping in Azkaban than waking up on Blaise’s concerningly uncomfortable couch to an angry looking ginger towering over him. No one seemed to value his rest and it was getting ridiculous. He pressed his eyes closed and pull his blanket further over his face in hopes that maybe Ginevra would disappear. Sadly that was not the case and Ginny ripped the blanket off of him leaving Draco quite cold.

Ginny stared down at him as she stood impatiently at the foot of the couch.

“Blaise someone broke into your flat.”

“I noticed mate.” Blaise said who looked just as exhausted hunched over his coffee.

“We need to talk.”

“We talked remember, or were you drunk too?”

Ginny did not look amused and Draco almost felt bad for being so difficult but then he remembered he didn't care.

“Y/n’s going to Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione. She’s likely going to get her memories back.” Ginny said. “Thought you should know.”

Draco sat up. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Ginny said taking a deep breath. “You need to be there.”

“How so?”

“She’s going to remember all the shitty things you’ve done to her and are yet to apologize for and you’re going to lose your soulmate for good.”

“I don't see how me being there will change that.”

Ginny didn't answer him rather she walked towards his chimney. “You know what, screw you. I truly do not care if you go, I just thought you should have the choice that's all.”

Ginny didn't look at Draco, rather giving Blaise a short nod before using the floo to go back to the Burrow.

Draco let himself fall back down to the couch as he listened to Blaises loudly chow down his cereal.

“So are you going to go?” Blaise said his mouth still full.

He felt bad for Blaise’s mum all that money on etiquette lessons for what?

“No.” Draco said, burying his head in his pillow.

“You’re a tosser.”

“I can live with that.”

He could and he has. If he had a sickle for everytime he was called some variation of ‘tosser’ he certainly would not be sleeping on Blaise’s couch.

“I’m calling Pansy.” Blaise didn’t scare him, not in the slightest. But Pansy was another story, Pansy scared everyone, especially the people that loved her which sadly included Draco. “I will kill you.”

“You’re just saying that cause you know she’ll knock some sense into you.”

“I have a lot of sense.” Draco groaned. “In fact I have too much sense.”

Blaise ignored Draco’s exaggerated groans as he called Pansy.The call was short or maybe it was long, all Draco knew was that Pansy was standing over him with that look on her face.

“I’m not going, and you’re not changing my mind Pansy.”

“Blaise leave.” Pansy ordered.

Blaise looked insulted. “This is my house.”

“You call this a house?”

Blaise huffed mumbling under his breath curses at Pansy.

“That was rude.”

“So you're going to lecture me on rudeness now, that's rich coming from you.”

“I dont care.”

“You look and smell like shit, I can tell you ‘don’t care’.” Pansy said.

Never in her life had Pansy been one to sugar coat things and apparently she had no intention of starting to do so. Draco was going to argue it was the couch but he realized he couldn't remember the last time he showered so he kept his mouth shut. Draco a year ago would’ve drowned himself in the black lake had he known he’d come to be like this.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m pulling the card.”

“Pansy no that’s not fair.” Draco said sitting up.

“Fair?”

Poor choice of words.

“Draco, do I have to remind you my soulmate is dead, I stopped feeling tugs and being able to talk to my soulmate when i was 13. Your soulmate is alive by some fucking miracle, and frankly you’re being a selfish prick.”

“Oh.” He always hated when Pansy talked about it. Not because he didn't care but according to Pansy because he cared too much and the last time he had shown any sign of pity towards Pansy it had not gone well for him.

“What lies do you have Ginevra feeding her, does she think she has no soulmate, does she think her soulmate is dead?”

“She doesn’t think she has a soulmate.” Draco said in a low voice, he wasn't proud of what he was doing but he also knew he had no choice. “She was in her coma during the tug. I figured by the time the next one rolls around I have something figured out.”

“And what about you.” She asked. “She may not remember you but you’ll remember her, you'll never forget that you have a soulmate out there that you refuse to see.”

“I won't let myself ruin her.”

“She’s a grown woman, I find it demeaning that you don't see her capable of making her own damn choices.”

“What?”

“You think she'll hate you, you think she’ll be ruined, you think she’s better off. What about what she thinks? You think she'd be okay with you slowly killing yourself?”

“You're a bitch Pansy.”

“So I’ve been told.” She looked towards the clock.

“Come on lets get you something to eat.”

She reached her hand out for Draco to grab.

“I can walk to the kitchen without holding your hand thank you very much.”

Pansy rolled her eyes and grabbed onto Draco’s arm.

“What are you-”

Draco’s sentence was cut off by Pansy apparating them both out of the loft.

Draco had gone to his fair share of therapy, did it ever work? no, Draco would rather die before talking about his feelings with a stranger but he had been taught his fair share of anger exercises . And Merlin did they come in handy, truly it was the only thing keeping him from throttling Pansy as she stood there with a smug face looking at the rubble that once was Hogwarts.

“Pansy.” Draco said slowly.

“Shut up, look she’s right there.”

“I’m not ready Pansy.” Draco said wiping his palms on his pants out of stress. “I wanted to bring her flowers.”

“flowers?”

“Forget me nots.” He said with a sardonic dry chuckle. “It was our unofficial flower, ironic isn’t it.”

“The fact that you have an unofficial flower makes me want to throw up.”

“I need flowers.” He said. Pansy groaned before searching the grass. She picked up a dandelion swirling her wand transfiguring it into a bouquet of forget me nots.

“Here, go.” He was about to give another excuse but Pansy apperated away. The one time he needed her she leaves.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to approach her without seeming like a stalker.

His thoughts were disrupted by Hermione and Ron walking up to him. He wanted to turn around so bad but he had no doubt that if he did so Hermione and Ron wouldn’t hesitate to curse him.

“Granger, Weasley.” He said sticking his hands as deep as his pockets would allow him.

“I didn’t think you were going to come.” Hermione said.

Draco shrugged.

“Just go talk to her.” Ron said.

“Thats why Im here.”

Ron mumbled something under his breath but Draco didn’t feel like fighting Weasley.

Draco had never felt such anxiety because of another person. He had always been confident and walked around like he owned the world, but now he felt scared.He watched you as you traced your hands across the bricks of Hogwarts, his steps faltering as he came closer to you.

“Hi Y/n.” He called out.

You turned to look at him. Draco’s heart felt heavy at the way you looked at him, not any recognition in your eyes. You had once looked at him with such love, then such hate but now you looked at him with nothing. because right now that’s what he was to you, and it broke his heart.

“You.” You said stepping closer. “You were the one talking to Ginny.”

“I wouldn’t really call it talking, she yelled I stood there.”

“Ginny does that a lot.” You shrugged.

“Yeah.” He said.

You spotted the flowers in his hands.

“I’m sorry, who did you lose?”

His hands tightened on the flowers.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” You said. “I lost my friend Fred, and my memory. But I don't feel like I lost it since I can't remember ever having it. But I miss Fred.”

He studied every centimeter of your face noting the subtle changes he didn’t notice the last time he saw you as you rambled on about Fred anxiously.

“You.” He said voice wavering. “I lost you.”

You stayed quiet for a second.

“I’m sorry I-“

“don’t know who I am?” He said with a dry laugh. “I was sort of expecting that.”

You didn’t say anything studying his face for anything that sparked a memory in you.

He dug through his jacket pocket pulling out a photo.

His hands were sweating and he tried his best not to touch your hand. Partially because he didn’t want you to feel his sweaty hands and because he feared he would break down at the realization that you were finally here in front of him.

“I’m Draco and you’re my soulmate.” He said

AN THIS IS NOT THE LAST PART THE LAST PART WILL BE THE NEXT PART

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy #ginny weasley x reader #hp imagine #harry potter #harry potter x reader #hinny #ronmione #hp #draco #malfoy #x reader #stuck with me #angst

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yorumiraki · 3 years

Text

“that’s just how it is”

jjk teachers x reader

part I

be advised: swearing

prologue ..... part II

[unedited]

13 years later.

…..me…..

…...me sa……

….hime…..

...hime-sa….

“...hime-sama.”

y/n can hear kana calling for her in her sleep, but groaned and turned the other way when she saw kana open the windows, letting the sun into the dusty room.

“let me sleep”

“hime-sama, you told me to wake you up.”

“well then i must’ve lied.”

“.....”

she let out a loud sigh while sitting up, stretching her arms up above her head before scratching it harshly. it looked to be morning time and y/n had told kana that she had many important things to do today. many things meaning lounging around even earlier than she usually does. there’s nothing to do around here besides sit around. money isn’t a problem. after what had happened she was able to buy a house outside the city, isolated in a large grass field and stayed there, only going into the city whenever she needed to go to the store with kana because god, she could never send that woman to get groceries, spending 300$ on groceries that (y/n) didn’t even need or ate. her life now was a bit better than before…. it was just very quiet. and lonely. kind of sad every time she thinks of it.

kana approached her sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled her up, y/n stumbling before catching her balance. it didn’t take much for her to ‘get ready’ for the day, since she spent her entire time in or around the house doing god knows what in her same sweats and sweatshirt she’s been wearing for the past two days.

kana guided the sleepy woman to the bathroom before letting her take a steamy shower and when she opened the door emerged from the mist, kana was delighted to see that she actually took a shower. it took a lot for her to even bother taking care of herself but thanks to kana being around still, even though it wasn’t necessary anymore, she still vowed to take care of her till her last breath. the next few hours of the day continued like usual, kana making food and y/n eating, sitting around reading, counting the birds flying by the house in the large field,tanning, sleeping, eating, training, she even picked up archery because she was just bored. too damn bored. sometimes she even laid face down in the field to pass the time.

“... i need to go outside…”

kana listens to her mumbling to herself, nodding in agreement to the statement.

“perhaps some archery will suffice, hime-sama.”

(y/n) grunted in agreement, a little peeved that she still called her that but let it go for now. she opened the sliding door, covering her eyes and walking out into the light. as expected, her eyes began to adjust slowly to the change, and she stood there waiting for her vision to clear up before continuing her way to the middle of the field. out there was a laid out table, and she headed to the side shed to fetch the arrows and bow before settling in front of the table, facing the target 40ft away from her. she stretches before jumping up dramatically, nodding to herself.

“alright alright.”

kana watched as y/n made her shots, turning away and looking into the forest, having the feeling that they were being watched. suspicion was her immediate reaction, there’s no other people around here except them, there no reason for someone else to be out here.

“hime-sama…”

“hold on, leave me be kana. i’m focusing right now.”

she hesitated before shutting her mouth and nodding, turning back to the forest to keep a lookout for any activity. all that could be heard was the sounds of blowing grass, birds chirping, and the loud sound of arrows striking onto the target. y/n seemed to be ignoring everything around her when in reality she was actually listening to the area around her as well, sensing random surges of energy before it would settle down. the wind began to blow a bit more and when it died back down, the feeling was even stronger than before. it was closer now.

‘ugh.’

the shifting of kanas feet could be heard, her nervousness becoming more obvious, turning to look at y/n with a perturbed look on her face.

“i know kana, i feel it.”

the last thing they both needed was getting into a brawl here and now, not when they were just trying to relax and go about their days peacefully. y/n pulled back the arrow and as she released it, her eyes widened watching the arrow stop right before the target, floating right in front of it. in a panic, she swiftly pulled another arrow into the bow before pulling it back again as far she could go, embedding her energy into it and aiming back towards the target. there behind said target, feet were peaking out at the bottom, a poor attempt at hiding. either that or they knew they would be noticed sooner or later.

“COME OUT.”

kana rushed over to y/n’s side, placing a hand on her shoulder before pulling her hand up threateningly towards the target as well.

“oya? you’re still no fun. didnt think you’d wanna kill me so soon…. (y/n)-sensei.”

both women were stunned, not expecting to see THAT man walk out from behind the target. white hair. black uniform. blindfold… and a stupid little smirk on his face.

gojo satoru.

“what do you think you’re doing here?”

“whaaat?? you’re not excited to see me.you’re favoriteee student, WAIT DONT SHOOT- just kidding~ not like it would hit me anyway…. oh come on stop being so stiff, and stop pointing that thing at meee. i’m the strongest you can’t do that. did you hear??? i’m the strongest and you can’t-“

the two women listen to him, (y/n) putting her bow down and roughly slamming it onto the table with a huff. just what she needed. the school to bother her again. gojo kept blabbering, not realizing that they were both waking away from him.

“h-hey w-wait, where are you going?”

“away.”

“wait come back we-“

“no.”

kana stopped walking and turned around, bowing to gojo before continuing to follow her mistress. she could hear y/n grumbling to herself, clear irritation obvious in her tone. she stopped, gojo appearing right in front of her, his hands stuck into his pockets looking down at her.

“i just want to talk.”

they stared at each other, her deciding whether or not it was even worth listening to. she did NOT want to be doing any favors for the school. being sent away was good enough damage. last thing she needed was to be used and get shit on. but she won’t deny that she was very curious about what he had come to bother her about.

“....tch….fine.”

she walked around him, slamming the sliding door open before walking in.

“gojo-san.”

“hm.”

kana approached him slowly, hands folded in front of her.

“it is a pleasure to see you. although i should warn you, hime-sama hasn’t really…spoken to anyone after all these years and she’s just, very rough right now. do you understand?”

he looked at the house for a moment before turning back and nodding he began walking inside, kana followed close behind, and silently slid the door shut.

“..... so what you’re saying is you got some 15 year old to eat the finger of sukuna. THE sukuna. you know, the four armed cunt whose fingers we couldn’t destroy?”

nod.

“ and then when you realized he was, as you say, “compatible”, you suggested that he became the vessel for sukuna as a chance to destroy said curse.”

“yup.”

“and because that happened, those elders, those bums, those HAGS, immediately decided to execute him without actually considering him as a potential vessel?”

nod.

“ and that you want to keep him alive because your student asked you too? a personal request? for him?”

“mhm”

“and not only do you want to bother me to just tell me this, but you want me to come back as well, that’s what you’re saying.”

“BINGO!”

“yeah, no.”

gojo stopped his little chair dance, before crossing his legs and arms.

“ (y/n)-sensei-

“stop calling me that damn it. saying that like i’m old or something. i’m literally 3 years older than you. i stopped teaching years ago. and what’s this whole thing about me coming back? i’m not even allowed to go back to that hellhole.”

“it seems being out here has made you a bit sluggish. i’m surprised you can even socialize at all.”

(y/n) went to flick his forehead, lifting her arm towards him, only to feel it be slowed down as she got closer and closer. eventually she gave up, settling for flipping him the bird instead.

‘overpowered little shit.’

“just shut up and finish what you were saying.”

“have you been working on your anger issues?”

(y/n)’s eye twitched, already knowing what he was trying to do. she rubbed the bridge of her nose in annoyance. as if she was gonna blow up for something like that.

kana walked over with a tray of tea, pouring into two cups before walking back to the kitchen. (y/n) reached for her cup, watching as gojo grabbed a handful of sugar cubes and threw them into his cup, stirring the contents with a spoon loudly.

“i did finish. all you need to do now is come back.”

“i don’t wanna come back for some kid, one of which i don’t even know, just so i can watch him die in the end.”

gojo shifts in his chair, pausing, looking at you closely.

“it was lifted.”

“what. what was lifted?”

“your banishment.”

an eerie silence takes over the room, (y/n) turning her head to the side and blinking repeatedly.

“what.”

he sips before continuing,

“you heard me. you’re free to come back. we would actually prefer if you did come back, we’re very low on staff right now and…”

he stopped talking as he watched her put her cup down and look away from the table, eyes glued on the view out the window next to her. a shine to her usually dull eyes.

“is… is that really true? you’re not fucking with me are you?”

gojo smirked, knowing he had caught her attention before nodding his head up and down in confirmation.

(y/n) sighed for the 100th time that day before turning back to him. she really didn’t wanna give in so quickly. all her worries were suddenly thrown out the window after hearing his last statement. in truth, this is really what she’s been wanting all these years. just to be able to come back. her grudge against the school was being chipped away at… but she wasn’t willing to let it go that easily. gojo tapped loudly at the rim of his teacup, pointing his finger at her.

“so?”

kana looked at her, tight lipped and curious. but (y/n) didn’t miss the hopeful look that twinkled in her eyes. breath in (y/n), breath in.

‘....damn it.’

“so this kid…”

gojos lips turned up into a wide grin.

“...he got a name?”

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk imagine #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #anime #gojo satoru #ieri shoko #nanami kento #mei mei #iori utahime

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