#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rafeandonlyrafe · 10 days

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comparisons

words: 1.5k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, female receiving oral, insecurities, semi public sex, partying, drinking but not by reader, good girl!reader

“are you seriously looking at her profile again?” your sister questions, snatching your laptop from you.

“give it back!” you squeal, standing up and attempting to grab it, but she has the height advantage on you.

“seriously, this is getting out of hand.” she sets the laptop back down on your desk, navigating to the block button. “and don't unblock her. it's unhealthy for you to care so much about your boyfriend's ex.”

“she's just so pretty.” you groan. “like how can he go from her to me?”

“you're gorgeous, y/n!” you sister sighs. “you love him. i know you do. just enjoy being together and don't let your insecurities ruin what you have.”

you don't mention it to rafe, no matter how anxious you feel.

“what is it?” rafe questions, hand rubbing over your cheek. “you look sad.”

“no, no.” you shake your head aggressively, forcing a smile onto your face. “im fine, promise. just lost in thought.”

in truth, you saw rafes ex at the party. it's why you retreated to the patio with rafe, glad to have some distance.

“hm…” rafe mumbles, looking over you. “you sure? if you're not feeling the party, we can leave.”

you smile at rafe. you weren't sure what you were getting into when you started dating him. you hung out in the opposite crews at school, rafe was popular and easy going, captain of the football team. you never attended the same parties as him during those years, it wasn't until after school where you graduated valedictorian that you got close to him.

“you love to party, babe. i can handle it.” you love it too, usually.

“yeah, but there's a lot of drinking going on. if you're uncomfortable-”

“no.” you shake your head. you aren't a fan of getting drunk yourself, but you don't mind being around people if all they're doing is dancing and having fun.

“then what is it? you can't fool me darling.”

“i just… saw your ex at the party.” you frown. “i can't help but compare myself to her and… it makes me feel insecure, but im trying not to. i want to get better, seriously.”

“aw, baby.” rafe pulls you onto his lap, tired of any distance between the two of you. “you have nothing to worry about. i only have eyes for you.”

“i know, im being silly.” you sigh, wiping at your under eyes before your tears build up.

“you're the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. i even thought that in high school.” rafe laughs. “but you were so good, so focused on school, i didn't want to become a distraction by trying to get you out on a date.”

“oh my god!” you squeal. “how come you never told me that before?”

rafe just shrugs, a soft smile on his face. “if i knew you felt that way, i would have. i promise, you've got nothing to worry about. im yours.”

you press your lips against rafes, kissing him deeply, right there on the outdoor sofa for everyone to see.

“i need you baby.” rafe groans, hands squeezing at your sides.

“yeah.” you nod. “yeah, need you too.”

“want to go home or… or can i find a room upstairs? kelce won't mind.”

“upstairs.” you stand up, rafe quickly following.

“good.” he smiles down at you, arm wrapped around your waist as he leads you back inside, into the crowd of people.

“rafey!” a voice squeals, making you frown. he doesn't let anyone call him rafey except for you.

“hayley.” rafe sighs, sounding nowhere near as enthusiastic, wanting to get you upstairs as soon as possible. “what do you want?*

“just to say hi.” she twirls a piece of hair around her finger, eyes darting to look at the way his arm is wrapped securely around your body. “how's my rafey?”

“not your rafey. its just rafe to you.” he grunts out.

“oh, you're so silly.” she lets out a shrill laugh, reaching forward to press her hand against his bicep.

“hey, in case you haven't noticed-” you speak up. “rafe isn't with you anymore. so stop calling him rafey and stop touching my man.”

hayley pouts and looks at rafe, giving him an opportunity to defend her, but he just smiles down at you.

“believe me now?” rafe pulls you away towards the stairs, leaving hayley to huff and head for another drink.

“ill believe you when you fuck me.” you smile, shutting the bedroom door behind you and making sure to lock it.

“get naked then, babe.”

you both are quick to strip before coming back together in a mess of tongue and lips as rafe dominates your mouth, leaving no room at all for doubt.

“god, feel how hard i am for you.” rafe takes your hand in his, guiding it to his cock.

you stroke up and down his length, the weight heavy and familiar against your palm. “all this for me?”

“you know it, baby.” he laughs dryly, cut off with a moan as you swipe the pad of your thumb over the head of his cock.

“but first…” rafe takes your hand away, and your eyes widen as he sinks down to his knees. “i have to taste you.”

“oh!” you squeal as rafes hands grip your hips, his mouth burying between your thighs.

“fuck!” you moan out, grabbing onto the large poster bed, sinking your fingernails into the wood as his tongue swipes through your folds.

“god, you're so yummy.” rafe moans, his words vibrating your pussy. he tilts his head up, eyes locking on yours as his lips wrap around your clit.

“rafe!” you scream out, not caring if anyone hears, hoping hayley is nearby enough to hear your moans of pleasure as he focuses on sucking at your clit.

“god, i would make you cum like this over and over, but i need to get inside of you.” rafe stands up, capturing your mouth again.

“wanna ride you.” you tell him. you've slept with rafe many times since the start of your relationship, but he's always been the one on top and in control.

“really?” rafe grins at you, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.

“yeah.” you nod. “im feeling- im feeling confident.”

“that's just what i like to hear, darling.” rafe presses a kiss to your lips before laying himself down on the bed, head propped up against the pillows so he can watch you.

you climb over top of him, the only light in the room from the moonlight streaming in the window as you align him with your cunt, sinking down with a moan.

“fuck, baby.” rafe grips your hips, not ready yet to fully give up control as you begin to move up and down with his assistance.

“god, so big.” you gasp out.

“mhm, and all for you, my girl.” rafe helps you speed up, not used to being in this position.

your joint moans fill the room as you ride him, grinding your hips back and forth with every movement until you find the spot inside of yourself that has you screaming out.

“ah, fuck, right there?” rafe begins to lift his hips into you, planting his feet into the bed to get the maximum lift possible as he thrusts upwards, angling his cock to push against just where you like it.

you fall forward, pressing your chest against rafes as he holds your hips still, pounding up into you.

“oh my god!” you squeal out, hands gripping onto rafes biceps as they flex and bulge as he lifts you up and down.

“gonna cum baby, can't last.” rafe presses his face into your hair, inhaling your scent. “you feel too good.”

“yeah, inside me.” you nod, own high not far away.

“fuck.” rafes moans grow as his cock swells inside of you, releasing only moments later.

the feeling of him flooding your insides sends you overboard, your orgasm causing your entire body to shake as your cunt squeezes down on rafes cock, milking the rest of his cum, not wanting to leave a drop.

“fuck.” rafes hands squeeze your hips again. “you're so perfect.”

you smile up at him, feeling tired from the sudden act. “take me home?”

“yeah.” rafe let's out a yawn. “in a minute.”

“mmkay.” you hum, resting your cheek against his chest. “don't fall asleep on me, rafey.”

you have to poke rafe awake a minute later. you both get dressed to get out to your car, the party still raging as you walk hand in hand.

“oh, there you are!” hayley stops in front of you, but you've had enough of her.

“sorry, no time to chit chat.” you plaster on a fake enthusiastic smile. “his cum is dripping out of me right now, so we gotta get home and take care of that. enjoy the party though!”

you pull rafe outside as he cackles. “damn, baby.” his arm wraps around your shoulders. “you are so hot when you're jealous.”

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benevolentslut · 2 years

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#if i just left this friend group. ghosted them all. what would happen #would my life improve #would they look for me #on the one hand i know that the friends i have outside that group are infinitely healthier relationships #and i don't have to question every little thing i do around them (i still do it but i don't have to)#but on the other hand. i've been in this friend group for nearly over a decade #known some of them even longer than that. and they have been supportive when they've wanted to be #and. even though my friends outside the group are way healthier for me to hang out with. there's only 2 of them total.#one of them is my ex and the other lives in a different state #i suppose i could reach out to the group that split off from this one a few years ago but im well aware im part of the reason they left #so i have no idea if they'd even forgive me #not to mention. at least 3 of them were subtly transphobic #sooo yeah. metaphorically i can either chop off an infected arm #be healthier with just one and maybe even get a transplant or smth #or. i chop off the infected arm and then i bleed out. or something. i don't know where this analogy's going anymore #im just so tired of feeling like i'm walking through a minefield just to keep these guys friends #i hate that i fucking fell in love with the worst of them too #and i hate that if i don't have someone else to give affection to then i end up circling back to her #and of course that's not the other person's problem to deal with! and if they don't want it from me that's fine #i just hate that that's what happens in myself #i can't believe this is the same person i was gushing about barely a month ago #that rose-tinted glasses thing is so fucking true #i so hope whoever i'm with next is better. someone who actually cares about me and not just about. what they see as my issues #and trying to force me to grow past them in a really fucking toxic way #like encouraging growth is good! obviously! but.#if it gets to a point where i feel like a fucking failure for performing even slightly below their standards #i think it becomes a problem

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haru-natsuka · 1 month

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First Night Interview (Heartslabyul and Scarabia Ver.)

Question: How did you spend your first night with your wife?

Ace looked at the question in horrified.

Ace: WH-WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT! WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU?!

Deuce: Bet you were just sleeping like a log. *

Deuce smirked at Ace as he folded his arms, literally mocking him. Irritated with Deuce remark, Ace did not back down.

Ace: HUH! EXCUSE ME! We diiddd it all night longggg! Tch! (I'd be dead if my wife knew about this) Bet you struggle to even hold your wife's hands.

Deuce: ME-ME?! Me... My wife and I... spend a heated night *blush furiously*. It's the first night of the wedding after all. It's bound to happen. *Super proud face*. How about Trey-senpai and Cater-senpai?

Trey: I don't think I can say much. My marriage happened during Christmas so both of us were busy with all the orders from the bakery. We just passed out late at night and wake up early tomorrow morning for another batch of orders.

Cater: That's sounds pretty tiring. Good, you have a supportive wife. You should buy her a cute gift as a reward.

Trey: I already did.

Cater: What did you give? Something branded? Expensive? Trending?

Trey: There is no need to buy when I can just provide the thing for my wife.

Cater: You must bake something and use your unique magic to impress her.

Trey: Something like that. Now, stop focusing the conversation on me, Cater. It's your turn. Don't avoid to answer.

Cater: Uhuu..Did I get caught? I also have nothing special to share. I only remember taking multiple pictures of my wife. She's too beautiful and photogenic for me to stop.

Deuce: Really senpai? But I don't notice you update anything in magicam that night.

Cater: Not everything should be posted, Deuce-chan. It's a memory that I want to keep for myself.

Deuce: Please drop the chan :(

Riddle, who was listening to the conversation could not hold himself back anymore

Riddle: All of you... I tried to ignore it but I couldn't anymore. DID YOU GUYS BREAK THE CURFEW?! This is an embarrassment for ex-students from Heartslabyul. A DISGRACE!

Everyone was shocked with the ex-dorm leader outburst.

Deuce: Riddle-senpai, do you still follow all the 180 rules?

Riddle: It's 810! How can you forget about the rules! This matter is not something to take lightly!

Cater: That's Riddle for you I guess.

Riddle: My wife is not like you rule breakers at all. She follows all the rules really well. It was right for me to rely on my mother in choosing my partner.

Ace: YOU IMPLY THE SAME RULES TO YOUR WIFE???!!!

Riddle: It's something to be expected alright. When the clock hit 10, we go sleep punctually. It has been 1 month of marriage and we always did that.

Trey: Did you really just sleep, Riddle?

Riddle: I don't see anything worth to do except that. Besides, I finished all my tasks early before bed.

Trey: Your wife don't say anything? Like giving you the cold shoulders.

Riddle: When I think about it... She did act differently the next day but I don't know why. I tried to ask but she always said she's busy or I need to figure it out by myself.

Ace: Congratulation on having the first couple fight

Riddle: Wh-what do you mean by that, Ace?

Cater: Just ignore him, Riddle. Let me help you solving the problems. I already share some links with you. You just need to watch and you will understand your wife better.

Riddle: Will it works? *About to click the link*

Cater: *Close Riddle's phone as fast as he can* Please remember to not watch it in public.

Kalim: What are you guys doing? Can I join too?

Trey: I don't think you should involve yourself in the conversation Kalim. This will taint your innocence

Ace: We talking about everyone's first night. Please share with us your experience too, senpai

Trey: Ace! You-!

Kalim: Ohh about that! Of course, I spent the entire night with my beautiful wife. She teaches me a lot of ways to cuddle. We keep each other close not only that night but the entire next 2 days! And we-!

Jamil: KALIM! STOP TALKING! (Immediately cover his mouth and drag him away before he can describe the entire situation. Meanwhile, Riddle was busy taking notes inside his head. Cuddle all night doesn't sound so bad)

Cater: What about you, Jamil?

Jamil: I don't want to share anything but my wife admit I'm a husband material *Smug smile*

END

This is my first time focusing my writing on dialogue more instead of description. How was it? While doing this, I got some ideas to write one-shot for everyone of them in regards of their first night. Might be writing a new series huhuhuhu.

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blackelysian · 4 months

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Situationship.

Duke Dennis x Black! Fem! Reader as Makena

Word Count: 1,449

Warnings: 18+ smut, fluff, toxic relationship

Summary: Tired of this situationship between you and Duke you decide its just better to end things. Duke wants to make it right.

Makena POV

A sigh escaped my lips as I aimlessly scroll through my phone. It was now 3 am and Duke still wasn’t here yet. I sent a text to his phone for the one hundredth time.

It's late, don't even worry about coming anymore… Sent.

No reply. Once again.

I watched his story and saw that he posted something 30 minutes ago. He was out with his friends at some party or function with some bitch grabbing his face. At that point I was fed up, annoyed and kinda hurt. I throw my phone to the side and sit up. He’s been blowing me off all night after he told me he was coming over so we could spend some time together. One stop and I'm on my way, I Love you” was the last response I got from him. Tears streamed down my face. Not only was I mad at him I was mad at myself for even allowing my feelings to get wrapped up in whatever you wanna call this. Duke and I have been messing around for almost a year now but he never officially asked me to be his girlfriend. He helps me with my bills, buys me whatever I want, fucks me good, but there was no actual commitment. He uses the excuse of he doesn’t want to hurt me, but this hurts way worse. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone dinging, indicating I had just got a text. I hover my face over my phone revealing the message from him.

Im outside

I layed back down on the bed ignoring his text. Next thing I know I hear my front door unlocking.

I groaned annoyingly. I need to get my key back from this nigga. I can hear his feet making their way to my bedroom before he slides my door open, stumbling in. He casually makes his way over to me leaning down to peck me on the lips but he was met with the palm of my hand.

“So you just goin walk in here late as a motherfucka and act like nothing's wrong??” She raised her voice at him.

“Come on boo don’t start that, i'm here now right? That's all that should matter'' He asks nonchalantly, going back in for another attempted kiss. I quickly jumped up and moved around him.

“You know, I don’t think I wanna do this anymore Duke..”I say looking away from him.

“Do what Makena?”

“THIS” I raise my voice again, pointing between the two of us. “This is getting old and I'm tired of sitting around waiting on you to see how good of a woman I am..tired of waiting on you to respect me! I’m done.” I snapped.

“What do you mean you're done?”

“I'm done, We are done! And you need to give me back my key!” He chuckles at me.

“You trippin’ im not going any fucking where” He simply says, slideing his shoes off.

“Why don’t you just let me go Duke?” I questioned. “Why continue to string me along huh? You don’t want to be with me at this point so what's the point of keeping this going?”

“Makena,You know I love you. I just don't want to hurt you” He states, pulling me in front of him.

“You don’t think this hurts already?” I hold my hand up. “You know what, I just want you to go, i'll give you a minute to get whatever stuff you have here and leave my fuckin key” I turn my back to him not even giving him a chance to respond, heading for the bathroom to take a long, hot shower. I needed to clear my mind and hopefully by the time I got out that asshole would be gone for good.

Omniscient POV

After about 20 minutes, Duke enters the bathroom. He sees Makena’s naked silhouette through the foggy glass shower. He looks over to see her music softly playing from her bluetooth speaker. He quickly strips out of his clothes and slides in the steaming hot shower. The breeze runs a chill down Makena’s spine as he slides the door back closed.

She quickly turns around. “I thought I told you to go?” She asks, rolling her eyes.

“We not done talking yet” He wraps his arms around her, bringing her body close to his.

“Duke, please don’t do this to me right now. Just let me go and leave” she says, trying to unwrap his arms from around her. He holds her tight.

“What do you want? Whatever you want I’ll give it to you. Just don’t leave me baby”

“He can’t be serious..” She thought. But with the look on his face she knew this was far from a joke. But she couldn’t give in. What would he think of her if she just took him back so easily? Why now did he want to do the right thing?

“It's a little too late fo-”

“Be my girlfriend?” He cuts her off, looking in her eyes with adoration.

“Wow really?” She asks sarcastically. “ Now you want to ask me? It's only because I'm telling you I'm done with you that you want to act right now” She says disgustingly, rolling my eyes and pushing him away from her.

“Baby I'm serious!” He exclaims, grabbing her again. “I can’t lose you, whatever you want me to do I'll do it. I want to make it right, I have to make it right. Give me just one more chance and I promise we won’t have to have this conversation no more”

“I don’t know what to say Duke…” She says lowly, looking down and away from him. He drops to his knees in the oversized walk in shower, grabbing onto her waist. He places gentle kisses along her stomach trailing down to her womanhood.

“Say yes” He says softly, placing a kiss right on top of her clit. Her breath hitches in her throat.

“Say yes baby..” He throws her left leg over his shoulder and places a few more kisses on her wet center before completely devouring her. He made sure to take his time pleasing her. He wanted to show her that he meant what he said.

“Duke..no” She trails off, throwing her head back as he lapped her up like a thirsty dog. His thumb finds her clit drawing small circles on it.

“Be my girlfriend baby” He says again, looking up to watch her love faces. She begins to feel her orgasm build in her stomach as she grinds down on his face. “Shit i'm almost there” She gasps. He stops immediately, getting up and turning off the shower before picking her up and walking her out the shower.

“You don’t get to cum until you say yes.” He wraps a towel around her wet body, bending her over the sink, the two making eye contact in the mirror. She could see the lust and longing in his face. He rubs his member up and down her slick womanhood before roughly sliding into her in one swift motion.

“Fuck” she groaned out as he starting to deliver rough,delicious strokes.

“You goin be my girlfriend baby?” He asks yet again, brushing some of her curls out her face. Her mouth falls open but nothing comes out. He delivers a smack to her ass. “Answer me baby” He groans, going deeper bottoming out.

“Oh shitt, Yess” She moans out blissfully.

“Say it” He says, pulling out and sitting on the side of the tub, pulling her back on him and sliding in again. He starts to work her up and down his member.

“Say it Makena” He states firmly.

“Ima be your girlfriend babyy” She blurts out.

“Yea?” He says with a smile, kissing you along the side of your face and neck as he still bounces you on him. Makena starts to throw it back on him, pulling out her best moves to show him that it doesn’t get any better than this.

“Oh fuckk mama” He grunts, grabbing the back of her neck turning her to face him.

“Gimme kiss” They lean into each other and give each other the sloppiest kiss ever.

“Hmmm baby im cumming” She cries out, picking up her speed.

“Cum on your dick” His words were like a catalyst for her orgasm, which rips through her like a tornado. He finishes right behind her, pulling out and releasing on the rug. She turns to kiss him once again.

“Mm we not finished yet. I still have a lot of making up to do.” He says with a lustful grin on his face.

A/N: Makena definitely DID NOT stand on business 😭😭

#black stories #black reader #duke dennis x black!reader #black love #black writers #black smut #black fanfiction #smutty #imagine #x reader #fem reader #fluff

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deadricslover · 10 months

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Relationship dynamics with SV5

here's my masterlist!

a/n: this is the first formula one post on my account! if you read my late night thoughts volume one, then you will know my love for f1

summary: just some relationship dynamics and scenarios with our fave <3

warnings: use of y/n...IM SORRY, language, mentions of sexual themes, long post?

pairings: fem!driver!reader x different eras!Sebastian vettel

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obvious x oblivious

the Australian Formula One race. It has always been one of your favourites to drive. It is clear why you have such a liking for it because you have so many happy memories from there. The time difference from your home country is the one thing you detest; it is impossible to wake up and go to bed at the right times here.

"last year's winner, how are you feeling" your teammate and best friend Fernando asks, nudging your arm and stopping you from what you are doing

"sleep deprived but excited. what about you? did you sleep at all"

"Very little. I watched a few of the films you suggested to tire myself out, but it didn't work" he responds in that all too familiar Spanish accent

you respond, "they were just too exciting" and you giggle a little. You two continue talking while you get ready for the upcoming race in the sweltering heat. Fernando says he is going to do some laps around the paddock to get some fresh air and invites you to come and you agree, needing to get out of the claustrophobic garage. You two are chatting about strategies and the meal you had the previous night until you hear your name being called. Lewis grabbed your attention since he hadn't spoken to you all weekend and wanted to ask you a few questions and say hello. You tell Fernando to keep moving and you'll soon catch up with him.

he agrees and continues walking until he gets to the red bull garage and spots Sebastian.

"hey mate, how's it going?" seb asks the world champion

"all good, man. what about you?" he replies

"good good. Ferrari are looking strong this weekend."

"yeah we are. this track really suits y/n's style of driving so I have high hopes for us this weekend." Fernando compliments, as soon as he says your name he looks over to you and lewis talking and seb follows his line of view to find you. seb secretly-- well, he thought he was subtle but infact he was the complete opposite, seb had a thing for you and Fernando always tried to get him to ask you out but he never had the guts to.

"yeah, she's great" he says, love oozing from him as he stares at your smile when talking to lewis and the way your hair falls.

"seb, seriously. I cant bear this anymore. please ask her out. you've got a hard on right now" Fernando informs the red bull driver

"what?!" he replies, looking down and seeing nothing and realising Fernando had caught him out.

"fuck off" Sebastian replies.

you look over to see Fernando and Sebastian talking and you smile and wave over, completely oblivious to the looks seb is throwing at you. this wasn't the first time though, seb had tried flirting with you before but you always thought it was friendly banter. you never thought Sebastian could have feelings for you.

"y/n's gonna be too tired this weekend anyway so you got off easy." Fernando tells him honestly. He wasn't wrong though, he could straight up say 'i love you' and you would just thank him. the jet lag kills you.

"another day or I swear-" Fernando starts

"okay, I get it. you want me to ask her out. I'm working on it"

"she is also just so oblivious to the signals you're giving her, so it's not entirely you're fault"

"thank you" seb replies sarcastically as he just now is realising that you're unbeknownst to his attempts.

another day... hopefully.

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bf who speaks another language x gf who is learning for him

it's widely known in the formula one community that Sebastian is infact German and German is his first language. for you, however, you don't speak German and you feel like him speaking your native language all the time is a bit unfair. so, you decided to get some lessons and watch some videos to try and learn some German for Seb. he doesn't know about this though and you thought it would be a nice surprise for him. you feel confident enough in your skills now to have a conversation with him. You both were at his parents house for dinner and German was being spoken here and there to accommodate seb's parents.

"Aus diesem Grund werde ich deinen Vater nie wieder kochen lassen" (because of this, I am never ever letting your father cook again) seb's mom tells him and the three of them laugh and so do you, seb looks at you confused and asks

"you don't need to laugh if you don't know what we are saying, basically she said that-" he starts but you cut him off telling him what she said

"she's never letting your dad cook ever again because he destroyed her favourite dish" you inform him and he looks at you lovingly but also even more confused than before.

"how did you know what that meant?" he asks

"I've been learning some German for you. did I get it right?" you answer

"for me? you didn't need to do that, darling" he replies placing a hand on your thigh and drawing shapes on it to show a bit of love.

"it's unfair that you're always speaking English for me, so I need to return the favour"

and with that he couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night. for you, it's nothing much, just showing appreciation. but for him, it's everything, the fact you were willing to learn a whole new language just so he could feel a sense of home. he appreciates it more than you know.

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chef bf x gf pro taster

you have spent the whole day with one of your dearest friends who moved away a couple of years ago with her boyfriend, but now, she is back in town as they broke up and you offered her a place to stay until she gathered herself and found her own place, of course you had ran this past Sebastian and he was also okay with it as he knew how close you two were even when she wasn't physically with you. you two just got home from collecting her from the airport and getting lunch while seb was out also doing his own thing.

the aroma coming from the kitchen as soon as you stepped inside was unbeatable, Sebastian had spent the evening cooking a lovely meal for the three of you to eat when you got home. you show your friend to the room she is staying in and then make your way down to the kitchen to see seb. you enter the kitchen to see his back turned to you and he was stirring a pot.

"what are you making" you ask appearing next to him.

he informs you what he is making and the sides he is preparing also. he takes the spoon out if the pot full of the food and blows on it to cool it down before placing it in font of your mouth to taste.

"taste it for me? be careful, it's hot" you say before blowing on it again and taking a bite. it was delicious.

"seb, that's so good" you compliment

"I try" he replies smiling

"is this what it's gonna be like living with you guys for he next couple of weeks?" your friend comments entering the kitchen to find the two of you.

"she is my professional taste tester, I need her opinion" he replies to her and we all just laugh it off and eat dinner which was unreal. if Sebastian failed as a driver, he could have been a chef and would have been a renowned world famous one too. not that he wanted that but he sure could have been.

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overly affectionate x blushes easily

seb is the most affectionate man you have ever met, he always must be showing you love in some way, whether it's holding your hand, bringing you flowers, letting you decide what movie to watch, he just wants you to know how much he appreciates you. he also notices and takes into account, every little thing you do so he can incorporate that into his daily life.

for example, this f1 season had started out great, but a couple of races back, Ferrari had gotten some new upgrades to the car that didn't work and have been jeopardizing your performance. They assured you and Fernando that they would work out and to give them time and experiment different tactics that suits this particular upgrade. Needless to say, you were not looking forward to this race at all. you hear your name being called from the front of the garage, so you walk out to find seb in his racing suit, ready to go but with a t-shirt saying I heart you but with your initials and racing number. you could have kissed him right there but wanted to keep the pda away.

"seb that's so sweet, I love you so much"

"anything for my favorite driver"he replies which makes you blush

"that's a bit biased, don't you think?" you reply while he grabs your hand lightly in his

"I don't care" he smiles

despite you trying to avoid pda for the cameras, you don't care in the moment, so you kiss him. just like you said you wanted to. To be completely honest, with Sebastian you don't really mind showing a little bit of pda because you care for him so much. he just brings that out in you, he brings out the best in you.

the gesture replays in your mind and you start to blush just thinking about it, seb's lips against yours and his hands around your waist add that all add to that blood rush.

"awh, you're blushing." seb teases as he pulls away

"stop" you whine slightly embarrassed at how easy it is for him to get you to blush. again, seb just really brings that out in you.

seb hums in disapproval as if to say no way and places a kiss in your hair whilst keeping you close to seal it all in. you make a mental note to snap a photo of him in this t-shirt to brag to your friends about how much better seb is than their boyfriends....kidding obviously....

------------------------------------------------- I have a pt. 2 if you guys want it!

#deadricslover #f1 #formula 1 #Sebastian vettel x reader #Sebastian vettel fluff #driver x Sebastian vettel #Sebastian vettel imagine #formula one imagine

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haerieee · 7 months

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{ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʰᵃᵗᵉˢ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰʸ, ᵗᵘʳⁿˢ ᵒᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ʰᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᶠᵃˡˡᵉⁿ ⁱⁿ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ˢᵒ ʰᵃʳᵈ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ }

y/n stared confused and a little annoyed at her seatmate who refused to take part in their paired project.

"nah, im tired"

"but we have to finish this"

"yea yea just do your part then send it to me, i'll do it at home"

karma rested his head in his arms on the table, facing away from her. seriously what did y/n even do? all she did was become his seatmate by luck and occasionally ask him math questions because he's smart. so why did he have to be so hostile?

"okay.."

he made y/n so uncomfortable. She admits she did have a crush on the redhead but has said nothing and done nothing to him about it, making his coldness much harsher on her.

during their pe lessons, karasuma made seatmates partner up to spar with each other.

y/n glanced at karma, and he glanced back before looking away and walking out of the field to skip the class.

"did both of you get into an argument?"

nagisa asked, knowing his friend was not the type to be so cold to someone without a reason. sure karma can be unfriendly and aggressive to people, but it was to those who did or said something bad.

"no he just hates me for breathing"

y/n sighs and rolls her eyes before asking if she could spar with another person.

"why would you pull that off?!"

karma is angry, but y/n was confused, was he angry at her for trying to defend their group when they got attacked by students who are much bigger and older than them? or did he have some grand plan and she fucked it up?

"akabane i-"

"what if you got seriously hurt? you wouldn't even stand a chance against those guys!"

he gripped your shoulders tightly.

"then what should i have done? you were getting kicked!"

you smacked his hands away and got up, brushing the dirt off your skirt. you looked over to your elbow which got scrapped when the students shoved you and winced a little at the pain.

"you're really a fucking idiot you know that."

karma held your arm to look at your wound, then poured water to disinfect it. y/n took the bottle out of his hand and stepped back.

"i can do it by myself, after all, you don't want to waste your time with a fucking idiot you hate."

karma was stunned, he knew he was an ass to her these past few weeks but she thought he hated her?

"what are you even saying y/n, since when have i hated you?"

y/n looked at karma incredulously

"don't give me that bullshit, you were so cold to me when i did nothing to you."

he was cold to her he knows, he was trying to avoid her. why? because he felt something with her, something foreign, fuzzy and warm. whenever he was with her his heart would like someone squeezed the life out of it. it was so annoying but he was always addicted, so he avoided her to stop what he was feeling.

karma sighed, "i don't hate you. really. its just,,"

he looks away ashamed of how vulnerable he is now in front of her. he combs his hair back with his hands in frustration and also to hide his red face.

"just?"

y/n hoped for a suitable answer as to why he had shunned her this whole time because it really did hurt her quite a lot.

"i feel something with you, its so weird, i don't like it."

karma says, eyes never looking at the girl in front of him. he couldn't bear to see what expression he had on her face, it would truly kill his heart.

"it's...ah you know what never mind."

he tries to control the damage that's done, he thinks that anymore he says, y/n would never want to see him again. y/n grabs the hem of his black jacket to stop him from avoiding her, something she should have done all along.

"no, karma, what feelings do you have with me. don't try to run away again"

y/n gripped tightly, feeling like if she let go he would be gone for real this time. she calls out his first name for the first time showing how desperate she was.

"i really really like you. alot."

ah. he did it, he admitted his feelings. it's done, whatever relationship they had is gone now.

"what? is that why you acted like that?"

oh my, karma is so fucking cute, y/n thought seeing his face flush even redder

"so annoying, i can't believe i feel so weak when i'm with you. i can't even fight properly. i can't even focus on anything in class."

karma kept trying to hate how he feels, perhaps its because he never knew what it was like to give love since his parents were always either overseas or at work.

"annoying? you are so stupid. you liked me for a month and you found it annoying, i liked you for 6 months you ass!"

y/n smacked his shoulder, then winced at the pain from her wound, making karma grasp her arm to check it. he looks up to her as he processes her words.

"6 months? u like me?"

"yeah 6 months of always looking at you and noticing what you do, i was so happy talking to you and then suddenly you went cold-"

before y/n could finish her rambling, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her, engulfing her in an embrace. karma held y/n tight and buried his face into her neck, his heartbeat beating too quickly he felt faint.

"i like you, ahh i like you so much, fuck"

y/n laughs and hugs him as tight, caressing his hair.

"you finally admitted your feelings, idiot."

y/n pulls away and cups his warm cheeks, smushing his face a little which made his lips form a pout. he furrowed his eyebrows at her action. karma leans in and pecks y/n on the lips, and she gasps.

"how dare you be so bold now when you were avoiding me the whole month, tsk"

y/n playfully chided him and he laughed before apologizing and then kissing her again.

"oh? i guess both of you are on good terms now?"

kayano nudged your shoulder and you smiled and nodded.

"now you have a chance to get him to like you, y/n!"

y/n looked at karma, who was with nagisa and sugino. and then her phone chimed.

karma <3: should we skip class and go on a date? >:)

y/n laughed, "i don't think i need to anymore, kayano"

after that, karma and y/n disappeared for the rest of the school day to hang out with each other. ♡

ᵒᵐᵍ 2 ᶠⁱᶜ ⁱⁿ 2 ᵈᵃʸˢ? ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵃ ʸᵉᵃʳ ᴴᴬᴴᴬ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ⁱˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ, ⁱ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰᵗ ᵏᵃʳᵐᵃ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵈᵉⁿⁱᵉˢ ʰⁱˢ ᶠᵉᵉˡⁱⁿᵍˢ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʰᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏˢ ⁱᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ʰⁱᵐ ʷᵉᵃᵏ ᴴᴼᴴᴼ

ˢᵒ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵒᵐᵍ

ᵃⁿʸʷᵃʸˢ ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵃˡˡ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ !

#woke up and chose to write a fic instead of study i love myself #karma is so fking cute omghskjdak #lowkey too sad to write angst stories so i wrote fluffy ones and made myself feel lonelier #do people even read these tags LMAO #future boyfriend i dont mind skipping classes to go on dates im waiting #karma akabane #akabane karma #karma #karma fluff #ansatsu kyoushitsu #karma assassination classroom #assassination classroom #karma x reader

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rayjeff · 5 months

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btw sorry i haven't been as active recently, life's rough

(if you want to hear me vent and talk about life you can read it below hihi, anyway i wish you good night/day/whatever ;>)

okay so i was assigned to this 'art competition' at my school called "makro" around 3 months ago. What the hell's makro you may ask, it's a silly thing teachers assign you to in 4th grade of art school high school and give you extra classes in drawing, painting and sculpture for as long as you're not kicked out.. kicked out? well, yeah, there are 'preliminaries' so they can pick """the best students""". When there are 3 to 5 students left, they send you even further to the state competition(? country competition?? i dont know how to translate that lol). So yeah, pretty serious stuff i guess. If you win, you can receive a scholarship (and have almost perfect art portfolio)

so what am i doing there? I HAVE NO IDEA GOD DAMN IT

they fricking put me there without my knowledge and now im in the last 9 students?? help???

i honestly hate being there, i probably should be more greatful but i just can't enjoy something im forced to do. I've been drawing the same god damn stuff for several months now and i feel so washed out and exhausted that i don't like drawing anymore and im questioning my life choices xD

yes, i posted some sonic sketches ealier in the day but this is literally the first thing i've drawn for myself in a month or 2

i could have said that i don't want to participate in this beforehand, but they said that it was beneficial, relaxing and i could develop my skills, so i agreed. Now it's too late to say no. I'm too deeply involved in this to back out. And at this point i'm not sure if i would be more sad if they kicked me out (which would mean that i'm not good enough) or if i was moved to the next stage (more suffering)

I stopped texting to anyone too besides my 2 close friends, im just too tired to do anything honestly and i just want me and my mattress to become one

I'm holding on for now but ohhh it's hard sometimes

anyway.. sorry for whining and wasting your time lol, hope you guys doing okay :] wish you funky, silly, fun weekend

#life update #might delete later

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prettyboykatsuki · 1 year

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solanum dulcamara | r. itoshi

★ tags ; aged-up characters (rin and reader are in their 20's), age-gap (reader is older but there's no specifics), sub!itoshi rin, fem + afab!dom!reader, dacryphilia, established relationships and dom/sub dynamics, edging, overstimulation, subspace (rin falls head first), mommy kink, praise, teasing (reader is a bit mean), petnames for rin (spoiled little boy, sweet boy, good boy, sweetie etc.), riding, unprotected sex, face-sitting, cum-eating aftercare, 18+

★ wc ; 5.7k (frowns)

★ a/n ; ive done something bad to my brain </3 he is so baby boy.... i've gone and made myself sick just thinking about it.

i just want to clarify that this version of rin is only really accessible thru a lot of established trust and persistence. reader is incredibly attentive to him and they have a very establish bond both romantically and in a d/s dynamic. im not super confident abt his characterization but i tried to still make it feel like Him.

★ synopsis ; rin is so pretty when he cries.

The T.V. is on in the background. It's the interview you filmed a month ago, per the request of your boyfriends P.R.

"Another question from our viewers, what's your usual type in men?"

"Ah, is that okay to ask?" You reply sheepish. The interviewer waves his hand in dismissal of your concern.

"Asking when I'm already taken, so cruel. Mm, I like men who cry easily."

"Ehh? You're going to make your boyfriend sad!"

"It's fine, it's fine. He's special so it's okay."

Before Rin can watch anymore, you pick the remote up and click it off. You've just come out of a shower, towel hanging off the back of your neck. Water drips down your skin despite having dried off. The vague scent of fruit hits him as he blinks back at you. You bend forward in front of him.

"Hi." You greet, smiling. Your eyes have a particular shine to them that sends a signal of warning through RIn's body. It's been there since before you started dating. It's persisted all throughout your relationship. He never gets used to it.

He stares back at you "Hi."

You cock your head then laugh.

"Why'd you turn the T.V. off?" He asks. You shrug, sitting next to him with your feet up on the coffee table, stretching slightly.

"Hearing my own voice feels weird."

You scrunch your nose in displeasure. When Rin sees you like this - cozy and comfortable, he can't help but be extra conscious of the air you seem to hold. Innocent isn't the right word. Simplistic might be better. There's nothing malicious about you, usually.

Even knowing that, heat curls into his body. The hairs stand on his neck. He knows almost intuitively what's coming.

"Aw, did you wanna watch my interview, Rinnie? How sweet."

He scowls at the name of endearment, then lies through his teeth.

"No." He says simply. You coo under your breath like you would a misbehaving cat. Before he can move away, your hand reaches the opposite side of his face, fingers trailing his jaw until he faces towards you.

"Liar." You say, and it's there again and Rin can feel it. It takes effort not to turn away. Not to stand to his feet and go run laps.

Rin knows, objectively, he's so much faster than you. But, some part of him is convinced he could never outrun you. You'd pin him down somehow, he's sure of it. Swift and easy. You'd wait till he was tired out and strike after—smile down at him in satisfaction towards the end.

That's just how you are. Rin doesn't dislike it.

Your fingers splay to cup his face, your thumb rubbing against his lower lip. Familiar gestures and touches don't ease his nerves. You admire him openly. Rin feels like the Earth is going to swallow him whole. He's not unused to being fawned at. He got confessed to all the time in high school but it never caught his interest.

Dating seemed pointless. Lukewarm. The first time Rin told this to you, instead of a hurt reaction like he'd gotten from other girls interested in him, you laughed. Quietly to yourself, remaining impassive.

Amused. A mirth to your eyes. Like you've stumbled upon a puzzle yet to solve. A predator with interesting prey.

("Being lukewarm is better than freezing." )

Itoshi Rin thinks you are a strange, strange person. He thinks you have strange tastes. He thinks you are strange company and that your smile is too disarming. He thinks it's strange that everyone is convinced you're nice and well-meaning when he knows you are. You are but you're not.

You are nice. Kind is a better word. Warm and forgiving and tender. You're like that even like this, when being around you feels like being thrown into the snakes den. If Rin doesn't pay attention, he's sure he'll get eaten completely.

But he lowers his guard anyway. Being devoured and being desired are the same sensation, he finds.

"Rin," You offer, an inch away from kissing him. He swallows a thick sensation in the back of his throat. He feels jumpy. "Did I make you sad, hm?"

'No." He insists.

"Really?" You grin at him. You smell sweet "But it's true, you know? I like when men cry in front of me."

A shiver wracks through him.

"Don't talk about other men in front of me." He says lamely. It's all he can say. You laugh, kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Sorry, sorry. Then what should I say instead?" You look thoughtful as you kiss him. Rin lets you. He trusts you enough to let you kiss his face all over in this overly doting way "Rin, when was the last time you cried?"

"I don't remember." He says. It's a lie. Probably after Sae came back, he should answer.

"Liar. Bad boy, you shouldn't lie to your girlfriend. Are you embarrassed about crying?"

"No."

"Lie again, and I'll punish you." You tsk, then kiss him slow. On the lips this time. In that deep mesmerizing way that makes the insides of Rin's stomach feel like honey over flame. He gets jealous thinking about where you learned it all from. He knows your older and more experienced and that you love him despite all that, but he's jealous anyways.

If you could hear it, you'd call Rin spoiled with that same amusement you always regard him with.

"Rin," There's a little more urgency in your voice this time. It satisifes a part of Rin he doesn't know intimately. He didn't think it was there before he met you "I want to make you cry."

"Why?"

"I like seeing you like that." You tell him honestly "I like it so much when you look like that. Of course I feel bad too, but."

"Why the hell would you like that?" He asks, voice raspy with less anger than he would hope for. You invite yourself into his lap. Rin doesn't stop you. Your arms around his neck feel like a choker but there's something so comforting about the feeling of being suffocated.

You let your hands cup the nape of his neck, the other hand brushing his skin. Knuckles along his cheek with nothing but affection. You smile.

"When you look helpless and needy like that, I want you to depend on me." You say sweetly, so saccharine it makes Rin nauseous. "When you look sad and lonely, I want to comfort you so I can keep you all to myself."

"...Were you like this with your other boyfriends?"

"Mm, would you be sad if I said yes? But I didn't like any of them, y'know? They just came onto me because they liked being bullied."

He gives you a look of displeasure that makes you laugh.

"I only like you," You assure, your tone shifting again. Still familiar. The kind, gentle version of you seeping in through the cracks "I love you most of all. Only you."

"Stop that." He tucks his chin because he can't look up at you. You grin widely "You're weird."

You pull him towards you, hugging him tight.

"My Rin is the best in the world, hm?"

He thinks you're bad for him, in some ways. Good in more ways too. This kind of feeling, he isn't sure where it falls on the scale. It feels good, at least. Makes his head feel heavy with something even though all of his hairs stand on end. There's resistance before there's desire to succumb.

"Weird." He mutters, unable to stop himself from slipping into you.

"I wanna make you cry so I can wipe your tears off your face. I'll bet you're so pretty."

"You say stuff like that so easily it scares me."

"Don't be scared. It's all because I love you, okay? I love you sooo much."

He clicks his teeth "You're pushing it."

"Because I know you'll forgive me. Now, take off your clothes and tell me your colors."

"Red for stop, green for go, yellow for slow down." Rin says on automatic before blushing.

"There you go." You reply, pleased with yourself.

Ultimately, Rin listens. You're right in your assessment. He'll always forgive you no matter the circumstance. Despite himself and all the warnings - he'll listen to you obediently. You help Rin take off his clothes. Manicured fingers drag up the sides of his body, along the anterior muscles of his abdomen.

His shirt comes first. When it's off , you stare at him long and hard. Tilting his head back, you press a kiss to his Adam's apple before your fingers tug on his nipples. He lets out a sharp noise that makes you hum against his skin, throaty and pleased. He can feel your teeth on his neck and the warmth of your cunt against his jeans even through all the thick layers of fabric.

"They're always so sensitive," You say, running your thumb over them "Such a pretty color."

"Stop talking." He hisses, throwing his head back. You giggle at him.

His cock twitches at the sharp sensation. You latch yourself to the column of his throat - a familiar bruising throb making his whole body ache. Kissing and licking and biting every visible inch of his body while your free hand plays with his chest.

The roles should be reversed here, he's sure, but he can't remember a time they ever were. At least properly, with Rin initiating of his own volition. Not just being permitted by you to do so, but actually doing it all on his own.

He stifles a groan, hand cupped over his mouth as you pleasure his body. You play him like a well-tuned machine. A practiced handler for all of his more delicate parts and functions.

The blood rushing to his cock makes him light headed. The motions are well-practiced ones. You know just the right way to tease the hardened buds under the pads of your fingers, how to pinch with the tips of your nails until it's unbearable . The soft drags of your fingers, nails scratching the skin until it's red and raised. He's always been pale. White, milky skin that blooms into different shades of bruise. Colors you like, anyway.

You make a show of undoing his belt buckle. The noise is so audible, the soft clack of metal echoes as it gets undone. Unzipping his jeans, you cup your palm around his semi-hard cock and squeeze tight like you're holding his hand. He shudders, only saved by the thin material of his boxers.

You let your thumb trace under the head, still through the black cotton. You press it into the sticky tip, rubbing small circles with a gleeful giggle. He huffs. Making the mistake of looking at you directly sends him into a frenzy. Your expression is vulgar when you peer at him - lips tucked between your teeth and eyes full of hot white desire. Rin can feel how much you want this. How much you want him. You express it openly.

(He wants it just as bad. Maybe worse.)

You hook your finger into the edge of his boxers, peeking inside.

"Your cock is so pretty," Your sincerity sends electricity through his spine. He chokes "So cute."

"Don't talk about it like that."

"It's cute to me though?" You say, a horrifyingly genuine assessment as you push the fabric down enough to sit under his balls - leaving him exposed and stood up to attention. You wrap a hand around the shaft, leaning in to bite his earlobe "It's cute when it gets red like that. Your ears get red like that too."

Rin watches you with his eyes blown wide as you lift your fingers to your mouth, dragging your tongue along the middle and ring. You fuck them into your mouth slowly, until saliva drips down on them and the act is so salacious he thinks his heart is going to give. When they're nice and wet, you wrap them around the base.

The sensation makes his body clench. A suddenly warm and slick feeling surrounds him. You're good with your hands. Too good, actually. The exact pressure and speed without having to try - this isn't the first time you've touched Rin like this so he knows it all too well.

But there's something about this time that makes it different. You're slower as you work your palm against his cock, pushing the curve up against his tip and circling it without touching it long enough. He stares down at you as you do it. Your other hand fondles his balls, thumb teasing the seam as you squeeze them.

"Did you touch yourself without me, Rin?"

"No," He admits. This time it's not a lie. You smile.

"What a good boy."

Fuck. He shivers.

"My good boy. My Rin, all mine forever right?" You say, not expecting him to respond. But it's not babble, not pointless chatter. It's what he wants to hear.

Possession. Yes, he thinks. All yours forever.

Of course he doesn't say it. Not there yet, and unsure if he ever will be but it feels good to hear anyway. Rin has always been humiliated by his own desire. Before you, he thinks he did a good job of keeping it a secret. He didn't explore his sexuality in a way that was meaningful for good reason, avoiding it all together.

You changed that. He wanted you. And you wanted him, always, with such intensity that Rin found it hard to stop thinking about. Rin has always been weak to you.

And you're like this. Straightforward and open and so attractive it makes him feel like he's going to sink. To be wanted in this way that wraps him up in reassurance, to be taken care of. You want all of him. Even his tears. Even though he resists because it’s not something he knows how to cope with even now.

Would anyone dislike that if they got it as easily as he does?

You keep doing the same hand motions, stroking his cock at this slow pace that drives him up a wall. His chest heaves as you switch the pace. Fast, fast, slow. Over and over until he's at the edge. His whole body tenses, though his hands remained tucked at his sides.

Then you stop. Completely. Leaving your hands up, you peek at him through your lashes as he lets out a ragged breath. A look of irritation on his expression, quickly washed out by fear at the amusement on your face.

"Cry for me, baby." You say satisfied with yourself, thumb pressing into his slit "I'll let you cum after."

"You're," He swears under his breath as you start again, cock sensitive now "You're..."

"I'm what, baby? I'm mean? Weird?"

He shivers as you lean forward, hugging your arm around his shoulders, hand reaching down to drag your nails lightly up his spine. The sensations all feel mixed together and with your body all pressed to him, he can feel every outline of you. Every curve. The scent of you tickles the back of his throat again. You wrap around him like a vine, curled around his wrists and ankles and throat. Trapped, suspended by the presence of you.

He wants to cum, but the first time you deny it like this isn't so bad.

"Look at you holding it in so well," You start, though Rin can feel how much more is at the end of your sentence "Can you keep touching yourself for me, then? Slow like this."

Rin nods, though he isn't sure there's much of a choice. You kiss him in reward, standing back up on your feet. He watches you as you turn around. You pull your pants down the curve of your ass, leaving a pair of panties plainly in view and Rin feels his dick twitch in his hands. Fuck. You're so wet it's dripping down your leg. Knowing he did that to you is enough to make him groan.

Plus your bare skin, soft and smooth from being showered and lotioned is too much for him to try and endure.

You repeat the action with your shirt, but there's nothing underneath. When you're almost naked, you make a show of bending over to take your panties off. There's a noise as the thin cotton unsticks from your soaked cunt, material roll down your legs. It's just enough to get an eyeful of your pussy.

Soft and hot and so fucking wet. He feels restless. His hand isn't doing the job. He wants to be inside. Closer to you. You're all naked when you turn around and Rin is still mostly clothed. You crawl in his lap and move his hands away when you're straddling him again.

Cruel and unrelenting, you grab his cock again but this time you pull it against you. Grind yourself against his shaft, rubbing his tip against your clit deliberately. The sensation is making him bite down on his cheek hard enough that he might bleed. Soaking pussy, sticky and welcoming.

"You're trying so hard today," You say, half-way between sincere and condescending. His head is starting to get mushy, like his tongue doesn't fit in his mouth. "You don't have too, yknow?"

"What a-are you…?"

It's too fucking much. Too many senses stimulated. Too many feelings pouring out of him as he listens to you talk.

You're throbbing. He can feel you as you slide his cock between your folds with your hands, a slow and controlled pace that sends him teetering over the edge with each pass. It's so slick that it's noisy, and you have to be careful not to slip. Your fingers are covered in arousal just like his cock—so fucking messy, and it's dripping down his shaft in beads. It's wearing down his will. The one he's currently using to maintain his pride.

For Rin, loss always has to come at ultimate defeat. He hates things that are half-assed. Neck in neck, close to winning but not quite. That kind of thing is too frustrating. It has to be all encompassing. Rin wants to give in only when he can longer bear the weight of losing. Loss so utterly undeniable he can do nothing but be pinned underneath.

When you tell Rin he's trying too hard, the condescension is not for nothing. Because you know just as well as he does that you can take him apart easily. Crushing defeat through actions and patience. That's been your M.O. from the start. This is you giving him lee way. It's not like you'll make fun of him if he gives in.

Because you are sweet and you are kind and if Rin had even an ounce less of shame - you'd spoil him without thinking twice. He's only managed to do it once before and it was probably the best he's ever felt. But he can't default to it. Despite how much he wants too, he can’t just let go. Doing this much is complicated. Listening is complicated and his brain is so full of self-doubt he’s starting to shake.

But then, there’s you. The sound of your voice that makes it all stop.

"Can't just let go, can you sweetie?" And Rin trembles at the slight edge, just barely there "I think it's cute, though. You're so cute, aren't you, Rin?"

"I'm not—"

"I mean, look at how you're tensing your muscles trying not to fuck up into me, huh? Guess you're not any different from other guys. When you see somethin' soft and wet for you to fuck you lose all your common sense."

He chokes on a moan so loud he can't believe it's coming from him.

"Shouldn't resist it so hard. You can be my spoiled little boy. That's what Rin likes best, right?"

Normally, Rin admires your smooth talk. He doesn't have it in him to mimic it, sentences too awkward and too clumsy to sound good. You talk to him like this like it's so easy. Conversational. Rin doesn't hate it about you, but right now it's the worst thing he could hear.

He's slipping into it slowly. Like he's hanging onto the edge of a cliff and you're pulling his fingers off one-by-one. Your pussy is so wet and he's so fucking hard. Nothing makes any sense anymore. He can’t tell left from right and he wants to run away. But he can’t. He doesn’t want to stop but he wants to run away.

"You're drooling," You coo, free hand wiping the corner of his mouth. He burns with embarrassment "How sweet."

He can feel himself, the edge again - this time so close he can practically taste it. And the second the knot gets close to being untied, you stop all over again. Rin curses so loud he practically yells, his whole body lurching forward to hump into something before you push him all the way back down.

Officially overstimulated, he looks up at you desperately. You look so absolutely delighted he almost wants to shove you away.

"There it is. Look at you, baby, Just a little more."

He doesn't know how long he can keep up. This part of this is a trust fall. Rin could probably cry right now. Being pushed to this extent, till his head and his body are all out of sorts. Till there's too many thoughts jumbled up and tangled to fight. It makes Rin want to cry. It makes him want to seethe. To curl into himself and abandon everything.

He’s scared, admittedly. But there’s you, again. And so he breathes and watches you and doesn’t want to stop.

You keep your pace, rubbing his cock relentlessly against your pussy. So much of the same thing, but you're focused on nothing but him. Even when it feels good for you, when you moan or sigh, your eyes are glued to watching. Watching his cock twitch erratically, little dribbles of precum spilling out but never being able to come through completely. That you swipe up with your fingers and add to the mess you're making.

It'd feel so good right now. You're so wet, fuck — you might even push him out if he puts it in. Rin wants and wants and wants. The magnitude of it is truly, truly terrifying.

But you take him through it slowly. Then the words fall out of your lips slowly - gently, almost a secret.

"Mommy's pretty boy," You rasp, so low that it's barely there but it makes the entire world stop at once. He shudders, his whole body trembles. He can feel himself falling completely and the sudden desperation has him clutching your hips. The emotion is so overwhelming. Only you could ever do this to him. You're the only person allowed. A bittersweetness to all of it that makes Rin yield despite his efforts. "My sweet boy."

The praise makes him feel like he's melting. Mommy makes it okay. He doesn't know who he is currently. It's not his job too. He just looks up at you and hopes that everything carries over.

You cup your hands on his face, sticky and messy and look up at him. He stares at you as you smile, eyes blown wide and floaty.

"There you are," You say, so sweet Rin wants to sink "Mommy's here. 's okay."

He's lost himself in it completely. He's not drowning, but he's submerged in water with no room to look for light. Just you, only you.

"Hi," He says, staring at you. Relief fills him "I love you."

You smile, kissing his forehead "I love you more, Rinnie. It's oka—oh. Oh, there it is."

He blinks and suddenly his visions blurred. Then there's tears, though it's not a sob. They're hot and wet and make his eyes sting. You wipe them with the driest part of your hand.

"You're so pretty when you cry." You tell him. He's needy. He leans against your shoulder, mumbling.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, baby. Lemme see. C'mere?"

He listens, lets you stare at him as hot wet tears roll down his face. He's sure when he's more cognizant he'll be ashamed. Right now he doesn't care.

"Fuck, that's it," You lean forward, licking a stripe up the side of his cheek that sends shivers up his spine, swallowing his tears "So, so pretty. You did well. What should I give you, hm?"

"Inside," He rasps, voice shot completely as he holds your hips "Please."

"Be more specific, my love."

"Please let me cum inside." He can hear his own voice echo in the back of his head, the words coming out so slurred.

"Good boy," You purr. He shakes. Like you read his mind, you pet the back of his hair soothing him "You can hug me, sweetheart. I don't mind."

So he does. Picks his arms up and wraps them around your bare middle and holds you close. He buries his face into your neck, cheek pressed against your shoulder. You pat his head, scratching your nails against his scalp. He sits still like that for a minute, nudging his nose across your skin, leaning you back so he can get a mouth around your tits.

He sucks gently, drunk off of it. You laugh airily, repositioning slightly (carefully) so he doesn't have to pull away. He can feel the head of his cock against your entrance and he moans.

He can't help but moan as soon as you even get close. The sensation is so unreal. So dripping wet that it's hard for you to get it in completely, slippery silken walls that make it hard for him to push in. When he feels the tip enter, he groans. His whole body gives like a rope on it’s last thread, teeth gritted as he ruts his hips to fuck into you. It doesn't even take any effort to push. You sink down on it slowly, soothing him and telling him to hold it until he bottoms out.

He does, impatiently. He waits until he's all the way at the bottom before looking up at you again.

"Good boy. Easy does it. It'll feel better to cum since you're all the way inside, right? I can do whatever you want, but if you cum before me - you'll have to make up for it. Okay? Still with me?"

He nods.

"And your color?"

"'s green."

"Good job. That's it, baby. How do you want it?"

"Can I..?"

"You wanna fuck me?"

He nods, hazed. You smile at him.

"To your heart's content. Go ahead. Hold me here, 'kay?"

Rin listens, no longer trying to fight off the urge to listen. He holds you by your hips, latching his mouth to your chest again before fucking into you slow. Your pussy is a vice grip on his cock, and he's so overstimulated as is - he knows he doesn't have much of a will to hold it in. He tries though, quivering with each thrust as he holds you up in his arms.

You mumble to him, the praise is short but sweet and each word makes his brain feels like it's gonna melt out of his ears. He feels good, a pleasant buzzing numbness all over his body that has him reeling. You work as an anchor for him, stroking and petting and kissing him as he works himself into a frenzy.

He can barely get the words out of his mouth as he feels the pressure inside of him start to build. The knot coiled so tightly is unraveling quicker than he can piece it back together. He can't hold it, he can't, he can't, he can't. His thrusts are erratic, too sloppy. Chasing his own high as he fucks into you hard and fast.

"Gonna cum for me? Mommy's sweet boy, gonna fill me up all nice?"

He croaks out the words "Y-yeah. Yeah, fuck."

"There you go. That's it."

Rin cums so hard he sees white, specks like stars in his vision. The sensation borders unbearable. It's such an intense wave of emotion he can't do anything but groan, gripping you hard and bottoming out completely before painting your insides stark white. Thick, hot spurts of cum that he keeps fucking into, overstimulating himself. It just feels so good. So good and so perfect and his mouth is agape - gasping for air as his body goes limp. You kiss him as it happens, swallowing the moans out of his mouth with a delighted smile.

He's ragged by the time it's all out, more coming in a second wave with less intensity. The wave of euphoria that washes over him doesn't bring him back down like he thought it would. He still looks at you, head blank as you smile down at him. You kiss his hairline.

"You with me? Think I should call it quits tonight."

"No. Want you to—you can sit, 'm fine."

It's like you can read his mind.

"You want me to sit on your face even though you just came in me? Think you're up for that?"

"'s fine." He says one more time, too embarrassed to do anything more. Maybe you're feeling merciful because you don't make him say please. Just laugh, sliding his soft cock out of you slowly.

"Think you're gonna be okay? Wanna lay down?"

"I can sit on the floor. If it's okay."

He can feel how small his voice sounds, a feeling of shame overwhelming him. You rub his cheek affectionately.

"If you say so. Don't need to do anything but stick your tongue out and listen, but my sweet boy is good at listening, isn't he?"

He flushes. "Hn."

You give him a delighted smile, a proud one that makes him reel. Before he can pull away, you tell him to get down on the floor. He listens, back against it with his head laid back on the cushions. He can see his cum starting to drip out of you as you stand, his heart hammering in your ears.

The couch creak under the weight of your knees as you hover yourself over Rin's face. You thread your fingers through his hair and he sticks his tongue out without thinking twice. He can feel all the mess, your cum and his in his mouth - bitter and tangy as he lets his hand grip on your hips. Your clit is hard to attention as you grind against his tongue. He feels good as you groan with pleasure over him.

"I'm so worked up ‘cause of you. My pretty boy," You praise, before rocking your hips against his face. The feeling of you is suffocating, your thighs locked around his head. He can only breathe in the warm air surrounding you. You taste so fucking good. His nose is bumped against your pelvis as you tug harder and start an easy rhythm.

You rut back and forth and Rin suctions to give you a little more friction. You praise him for it.

"Fuck, Rin. I'm gonna—gonna c-cum."

Rin moans against you in approval and that seems to be enough to set you on edge. You hold hard onto the roots of his hair, your thighs clenching as you cum hard on his face after fucking it. He can feel your walls spasm, pushing the mess into his mouth. He swallows it obediently anyways, content to let you ride out your high until you're no longer able too.

When you sit up, you swipe Rin's lower lip with your thumb with a warm smile, putting your thumb in his mouth.

"Let's go clean up, baby."

For Rin, the process of aftercare usually tends to be a lot of grounding. A bath, usually, with the two of you talking about nothing in the process. You wash Rin’s hair for him and wash-up together and then eat something. Rin’s spoiled, really, so you usually cook for him when he asks.

Afterwards, the emotional exhaustion sets in. You retire yourself both to bed with snacks. Rin gets to pick (a thriller movie, you’ve let him have today) and he lays there in a hoodie with his face tucked into your side as you play with his hair. It’s vulnerable. A thing he can only access with you, after all this coaxing and trust. He tries not to think too hard about what this all means. That you have sex like this, and Rin submits to you willingly. He doesn’t want to know what it says about himself.

It’s hard for him to wrap his head around it entirely. Why it feels so good to leave it all to you. Why being doted on like that is so soothing. Despite all the time it takes to unravel him enough to give in, you always execute flawlessly and Rin is… happy at the end of it. Even though he can only admit that begrudgingly.

Rin leans into the warmth of your body as you gently stroke his hair. He looks up at you as you scroll on your phone, a silent plea for attention. You glance down and give him a laugh.

“Hi, my love”

“What are you looking at?” He asks, masking the petulance in his voice just barely. You giggle.

“Twitter. People are asking if you cry a lot because of my interview.”

“You’re such an idiot. Did you even mean that?” He says, leaning up to be closer to you. He headbutts you lightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek right after.

“Sorta. It was mostly a plot to bully you about it. I am an idiot, and you love me so much about it.”

“Unfortunately.” He says, rolling his eyes. He can feel the barest smile on his face and goes to look away as he hugs you close to him. You give a stare full of warmth that he wants to shy away from but can’t bring himself too. You press a tender kiss to his head.

“Mommy loves you so much, yeah? More than anything in the whole wide world.”

“I told you I was fine earlier. I don’t feel bad or anything.” He says when you use the title. He thinks you’re reassuring him because you’re concerned, but you just shrug.

“I just wanted to tell you that.”

He frowns “...I love you too. I guess.”

You snort. Rin smiles as you turn to face him and hug him close.

“Thanks for telling me, baby.”

#itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin smut #bllk x reader #bllk smut #writing tag #a.dr #mommy kink cw #bangs my head against the wall

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pinksobg · 10 months

Text

hello! for reflection. i hope you enjoy!

mistery reading :)

oracle and tarot 💌

pile 1: message from future self

heya past me. I am the future. I know you feel down lately. about everything maybe. but you know what can help you? conection with yourself. you know what; ask yourself the questions you are scared of. like: what am I doing to myself. what brings me down now. we need light. you know what. bring yourself to the light. be the own muse of us. no matter what. open up for yourself. thank you.

add messages: crystal, voice, song, void, yellow, sun, letter, digital world, me, miss me, love, confusion, sad... 999 this may be about the present by the way for some people. please take only what resonates. hope it helps. cheering for you. wishing the best.

cards: page of cups rx. 2 of cups.

...

pile 2: message about general advice

add message: museum, goals, advice life, learning, book, self reflection, academic, 2, france, languages, career path.

general advice:

feels like you need an up in your inspirations. maybe simple things like a pinterest board, a new game, a new place, new quotes.

wheel of furtune: maybe something is matter of time. a thing you cant control or dont have control yet.

you get it! try a less negative mindset if it is possible for the moment ofc.

plus I love your energy. uh! i dont know but comes to mind learning about good comunication. social skills maybe. you can do it for sure. like going to the park feel the air if it is possible and confortable for you for sure.

...

pile 3: message about espirituality. woah.

add message: go here you feel the most alive quote, stars, seed, city at night, james arthur songs, train, week, loving you from affar, a girl an ocean, indigo, blue, doors.

woah. I humbly feel it is a love message for you from espirituality. - you both are so close, I dont even know how to separate you 2. im getting so much this song I... dont really know the name... it's I'm tired of loving from afar and never being where you are, don't wanna leave you anymore. - you know the word love. dont wanna leave you anymore. oh darling all of the city lights never shine as bright as your eyes. - you are so so so much loved. - I'm tired of loving you from afar and never being where you are. dont wanna leave you anymore. It's a message about a thing you know. you are not alone on this road. thank you so much. you belong where you want to be.

#tarot community #tarotblr #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot reading #thank you

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hyunimylove · 1 year

Text

little girl | christopher bang.

he would let you know as many times as necessary how much you are worth. warnings: angst, the reader despises herself, chan is really sweet, fluff.

the rain fell softly as you buried your face in your knees, trying to stop the sobs.

you felt so bad, as empty as if you were a can.

would you ever get better one day?

"baby?" chan said, interrupting your thoughts. his feet scooted to your side, squatting down as you lifted your tear-stained face to look at him.

"chan." you said, holding on to him like he was your lifeline in the middle of a fierce storm.

his big arms surrounded you as they could, pulling you so close to him as if he could protect you and calm your crying. "what happened, baby?" he inquired.

"make it stop please. i don't want to go on..." his heart clenched at your desperate pleas.

why you were telling such horrible things?

"let's go to bed, okay? Is that okay with you, my little girl?"

receiving a vague nod from you, chan carefully took you up from the floor and helped you take the few steps that were until you reached the bed.

he leaned against the headboard and sat you on his thighs. your face quickly hid in the curve of his neck and you began to cry just as hard as when he had found you.

chan cradled you in his big arms, swaying the two of you gently while he murmured a "shhhh" and stroked your hair.

after a while, your sobs stopped and he took the opportunity to ask you a question again. "what happened, my little baby?"

"im...tired." you said as best you could. "i don't want to be me anymore, chris. i hate myself so, so much."

christopher felt that annoying pang in his heart again when he heard how you talked about yourself and despite the fact that he didn't think the same, he let you talk and unload u with him.

if there was anyone who understood what it was to hate yourself, it was chan.

"you are the light of my eyes," he told you, caressing your sides as he held you tight in his arms. "i... didn't know what happiness was until i found you… i always felt there was a part of me that could never be filled... no matter how hard i tried… and then you came." he continued, feeling like your hands who were lazily circling him were now heading towards his back to caress it. "you literally saved my life. i've never met a person as good and pure as you. shit, you're the most noble-hearted person i've ever met in my life and if i have to spend the rest of my days proving it to you until you believe it, i will."

his words filled your heart and you pulled away from his chest to look at him through your swollen eyelids. "did i make you cry? shit i—"

"baby..." you interrupted him. "im crying... because i love you. and i really don't know what i would do without you." his brow softened, his hands now resting on your cheeks, delicately left soft kisses all over your face, making you smile and sniffle. "i love you, my little girl." he murmured, gently wiping away your tears. "l love you more than my own life."

and you could only hide in his neck again, knowing that chan really meant it.

i literally wrote this to comfort myself... also i haven't reviewed it so i'll probably delete it jeje

#skz soft thoughts #skz soft hours #skz angst #skz fluff #bang chan x reader

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im-just-cam · 9 months

Text

Hello. My name's Cam.

This is my last post ever. I'll be honest, the past few weeks have been really horrible. To me, Ana is like a persona, another version of me. All though I've tried to love and embrace Ana, she hasn't been that good to me. My hair has been getting thinner and thinner, my nails more brittle, I can barely stand without feeling dizzy and I'm always weak. I've been trying to romanticize Ana but there's nothing fucking romantic about it. It's honestly so miserable. And on top of that, I'm not even fucking skinny. I just thought "what's the point of starving myself and working out for 3 hours a day if no one can even fucking tell". I'm honestly angry and annoyed at myself. To think that I wasted all that time, obsessing over body image and calories, and I'm still the fat friend. I'm still fucking overweight. I'm not skinny. I'm fucking ugly. I hate it. I hate you Ana. I'm annoyed that I wasted so much time glorifying and romanticizing ana when I was so miserable. When most of the time I just wanted to disappear. I'm so mad that I wasted all that time believing that food was my worst enemy. I can't believe how hard I made it to enjoy living. I can't believe how much internal torture I put myself through. I can't believe I thought something as horrible as ana was part of me. I can't believe I just accepted that and never questioned myself. instead of hanging out with my friends and enjoying life, I was at home, in bed because I was so tired. What was the point of all that? I didn't gain anything from it except pounds. Yes, I gained weight instead of loosing weight. What the fuck man. Why would I do that to myself? I just can't believe how much fucking misery I put myself through, all for the sake of being 'beautiful' and skinny and perfect. You know what? Fuck being beautiful, fuck being skinny, fuck being perfect. I'm gonna live life like a normal fucking human. I deserve to be normal. I deserve to live life. Why did I make myself think anything different? So yeah, I'm just gonna stop caring. I don't fucking care about how many calories im eating anymore, I don't care about how many calories in burning. I don't care if I think I need to purge. Shut the fuck up ana. Honestly, shut up. Ana ruined my life. Fuck Ana, fuck eating disorders, fuck being pretty, fuck being perfect, fuck being skinny, since I can't fucking succeed at any of those, I'll just stop trying. What's the point? I'll never be pretty, I'll never be skinny, and I'll never be perfect. I'm disappointed in myself for ever thinking I could. I'm so disappointed because I thought ana was the answer. No it fucking wasn't. I'm done. I'm done trying. I give up. I give being obsessed with calories, I give up starving, I give up purging, I give up all of that ED shit. I'm fucking done man. I'm so tired of trying. I've tried so hard but never succeeded. I'm done. Fuck anorexia, fuck bulimia, fuck binge eating, fuck restrictive eating. Fuck it. I'm done. I can't keep living like this. I'm sorry to anyone who followed this blog for the ED stuff. I hope you can find your way in life. But as for me, I'm done. I choose recovery. This is Cam. Not 'kc4l-cam'. I'm done with that kcal shit. Fuck it. I'm out man. This is my last post ever, goodbye ED Tumblr. Goodbye.

#tw ana shit #ana trigger #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran #tw ed diet #tw ana fast #tw disordered eating #recovery #im done #done #what the fuck #fuck this #bye #leaving

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csprslvt · 10 months

Text

you and i, and her. pt 3

Chapter two (see rest of the chapters for context)

Summary: Ellie comforts (or tries to) reader who is in misery from the loss of her past and her life before. Joel and Tommy go missing and Ellie watches her father figures life fall away. (Joels death)

Warnings: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF JOELS DEATH, obvious spoilers, reader is depressed, TORTURE, THE GOLF CLUB SCENE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, traumatized Ellie.

Overtime, routine took place, Ellie would come get you in the mornings when she wasn't patrolling, you'd visit the horses and didn't run into Dina again after the incident weeks prior. But still despite the fact that you had a friend again. Your heart ached with every thought of Abby.

You would lay in bed at night disconnected from reality, trying so hard to remember where she would be, how you came about to be bloody and lost in the woods, and why she hadn't come looking for you yet.

It was better for your aching chest to assume she had passed on rather than thinking she had truly left you behind and would never come back. And in the darkness of the night, all you wanted was to mourn but you couldn't seem to cry. It left bubbled up emotion in your chest that would take your mood for days at a time. Pretending to be okay was not reliable anymore. And one morning you had ignored Ellies calls. Figuring she would walk away.

But Ellie was oh so persistent.

Laying in bed, you seemed a mess, holding onto your locket and rubbing the cool metal.

Ellie stormed in, kicking open the door with a hurried frenzy.

You jumped.

“Ellie! What the fuck!”

“You asshole, you've been ignoring me! I've been knocking for like five minutes, I thought you died!” Ellie looked at you, clearly displeased. But upon seeing your empty, woeful eyes she softened and sat beside you.

“You gonna tell me what's up?”

“Nothing is up.”

“Nuh uh, don't lie to me. You haven't gotten up at all. You ignored me which, you never do, and you haven't been… yourself”

You sighed, pulling the covers over your head.

“ I can't tell you.”

“What? Why not? I'm a good listener!”

“ I know you are Ellie but there are certain things I'm not even sure about.”

“ You're worried about how you got here again.”

“Ellie-”

“y/n, I dont know what happened to you but I knew from the look on your face that it was bad. You were covered in blood and tired, I could've killed you and you didn't even seem fazed…but whatever happened, you're safe now. That's what matters”

You removed the covers and looked at Ellie, making eye contact.

“ I feel like…like I left something behind. Something important, and I can't shake it off! Every night im having these dreams and-”

“What dreams?”

You flushed,

Your nights were filled with Abby. Her hands, her touches, her words, her whispered ‘I love yous’ . But they were also filled with blood, fear and the smell of putrid death. They were filled with the intense feeling of abandonment, shame and loss.

“I just feel so empty.”

At this Ellie looked extremely concerned, she placed a hand on your back rubbing circles and she tried to comfort you as best as she knew how.

“Is there…are you empty because you're depressed or are you empty because you miss somebody?” Ellie questioned, she knew the feeling well, especially after Dina.

“I just, I remember being so happy despite everything, I remember little bits and pieces of the life I had and then at the same time, I left it behind and I can't figure out why and I hate myself for ruining it all.”

Ellie moves and goes to hold your hand.

“y/n, you must've left for a reason, you were covered in blood for god's sake, clearly you just need to rest and let yourself feel rather than hiding it all. I promise you, here you'll be safe and you can start another chance to be happy again. I understand things are hard, but you won't feel this way forever…It'll be okay.”

You held Ellies hand tightly as if she was your life line. Needing something to keep you grounded.

“I know”

Ellie signed, “I know I'm not the best at communicating but I'm so glad I have a friend around again. And I want you to be happy, I care about you. And you can always talk to me about what's on your mind.”

The thing is, I can't. I can't talk about Abby, I can't talk about the people I've killed and the nightmares I have about it.It's just too much.

“Okay.”

Ellie gazed at you one last time, clearly noticing you can't be soothed. You needed something she couldn't provide and what exactly that thing was, she was unsure.

Ellie got up, letting go of your hand. “I’ll bring you something to eat”

You smiled a little. She was just trying to help you.

“Okay Ellie”

As she opened the door you spoke again,

“Ellie?”

“Yea?”

“Thank you.”

“Dont worry about it.”

The girl then left your sight, closing the door behind her.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say Ellie was worried was an understatement.

The moment she left your cabin, her face showed pure panic.

What if y/n leaves jackson? What if you look for whoever it was that you'd abandoned and never returned? What if, what if, what if….

Her mind was racing, sure, you being sad was concerning because she cared, she wanted your happiness, you were her only real friend. But it was also a concern of you leaving her alone. She couldn't.

For the better (or for the worst) Her thoughts were interrupted by Dina approaching her right as she stepped out of your cabin.

Fuck.

“Hey Ellie, I see you've gotten comfy with y/n, crawling out of her cabin like that”

“Dina, it's not like that. She's my friend, and we were just talking…” Ellie spoke with a high, nervous pitch

God Dammit now I seem suspicious

“Sure, let me see her, I need to talk with her”

Ellies face changed with a confused stare.

“With y/n?”

“Yes. With y/n, that's whose house you're sneaking out of isn't it?”

“Oh my god Dina it isn't like that. Listen, she's having a hard time, leave her alone.”

“Why so hostile Ellie?”

Ellie tensed up.

“You know why.”

Dina sighed, her eyes softened, she reached out to grasp Ellies shoulder but the girl flinched away.

“Ellie, I'm sorry, it was for the better.”

“Don't give me that bullshit, we could've made it work”

Dina pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I don't have time for this.”

“What do you want to talk to y/n for”

“Listen, I've been patrolling and there's someone-”

“Ellie! Ellie!”

A frantic voice yells, running to Ellie pausing the conversation,

“Jesse? What's wrong”

“It's Joel and Tommy, they haven't come back.”

“What?” a cold sweat presperates across Ellie's brow. The hair on the back of her neck stood up with a deathly chill going up her spine.

Something in Jesse’s face led Ellie to believe something sinister had happened and without thinking, she ran to the stables and grabbed her gear.

She had been riding for a while, until she heard a scream. A loud, terrifying, blood curdling scream.

“Joel.”

It repeated over and over again, until Ellie wanted to bash her head in to stop the noises but she continued, trying to find him. A crazed look on her face, she was hyperventilating, her chest tight and her heart crushing with only the worst thoughts coming to her, filling her mind, body and soul.

Please no.

She eventually stopped at a house and her stomach felt like it would drop at any second.

She wandered into the building and the screams got louder. She knew it was him, she would recognize that voice anywhere.

The pained noises lead her to an ominous hallway. The shouting became gurgling almost as if someone was being waterboarded. Or drowning in their own blood.

Readying her weapon and slammed open the door. Joel was on the floor, beaten and bloody. A woman stood above him with a golf club in her hands.

A bloody golf club.

No. Please no.

She held up her gun but before she was given time to react her body fell to the floor, being attacked from the side.

“Get off of me!”

“Tie her hands!”

“Get the fuck off of me!”

Ellie struggled against her attacker's hold.

“Bitch.”

Two, maybe three kicks hit her stomach, hard, it felt like a deep intense pressure, strangling her insides in the worst way possible.The force of steel toe boots on her guts made her feel like she would vomit.

Another man came, restraining the person beating her relentlessly.

“You got her okay? You got her”

“Let go!”

Ellies throat filled with blood and she tasted its metallic drip falling from her nose.

“Youre gonna fucking die!”

“What's going on?” A tall built male walked towards Joel's abuser. Ellie is still struggling for release of the hold on her.

“Let him go!”

“Who is that?” a woman questioned obviously

“She snuck in…”

They spoke amongst themselves, and Ellie stared at them, wildly moving, trying, pleading, hoping she would muster up the strength to make them all pay.

“Why aren't you posted outside?”

“We didn't think anyone would show up”

“The hell did you expect?”

“We gotta get out of here before the whole town is on top of us”

The man turned to the woman, she was built like an Ox, tall, with a blond braid down her back.

“You're done.”

“You want what I want, right?”

“End it .Now”

The women turned towards Joel, a crumpled mess on the floor.

“Joel, get up”

He did nothing but blink.

“Joel, fucking get up.” Ellie begged, she felt like her world was ending with his life fading away.

“Please stop!” Ellie was never one to say please but she was filled with desperation.

“Please don't do this..” The golf club raised

“Joel please get up!”

A sickening crunch played in Ellie's ears as the golf club bashed into Joel's head, at full strength.

“No!”

Sobs wracked through Ellies body. Her lungs filled with blood and her nose drenched in it. Snot ran down her lips.

“Burn in hell, pendejo” a kick.

Rage made its way to Ellie’s spine, the burning, crippling need for vengeance rang through her entirely. Beginning to consume her.

The man had taken a gun and pointed it to her.

All she could say was no

“Ill fucking kill you” she spoke, before the voices became muffled noises and consciousness left her. Unable to fight back.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, she awoke, and there you were, by her side.

“I'm sorry Ellie.”

“Jesse, they're down here!”

Somehow you had ended up looking for Ellie when you started getting anxious about how you left off, Jesse had told you she had gone looking for Joel. And you being you, followed her.

You had heard screams but didn't make it in time. You only discovered the area had been evacuated with Ellies body on the floor. You gasped when your eyes fell on Joel. He was without a pulse.

He was gone.

“Oh Ellie I'm so sorry” you had whispered again and again, trying to wake her up.

Eventually she came too, weak and trembling,

“No, no no no” She cried.

You'd taken her back, while Jesse carried the body of Joel, still warm but his heart had stopped.

You shielded her eyes from her body, trying to not traumatize her further with the site but she wouldn't stop staring. She was a shell. She would never be the same.

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