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#i cut them off for a reason. i dont want any kind of contact with them even indirectly. and i dont want people harassing my friend
all-too-random · 7 months
Text
We Don't Waste Food
Sanji Vinsmoke (OPLA) x reader
Sanji notices that you haven't been eating very much.
TW: Reader is implied to be in the process of recovering from an ED. The type/reasoning behind it has purposefully been left vague. Mentions of thr0wing up/feeling sick. Sanji wants to help but may do so in a way that not everyone finds helpful. Also he's kind of pushy in the beginning.
A/N: This is a very self indulgent fic based on my own struggles. If it is something you relate to and this helps, I am glad you found some comfort in it/sorry you relate. If you dont, please be kind anyway :) Also this is my first ever x reader fic in 7 years of writing fanfiction.
"I'm full," the sound glass scraping against wood rang throughout the dining cabin as you pushed your plate out of the way, glancing nervously at your lap, "Anyone who wants my leftovers can have them." Luffy reached across the table, already grabbing for the food on the plate. Sanji's hand reached it first, though, and the blonde chef made eye contact with you as he pushed the plate back to your spot. "Y/N, darling," he said. He was smiling, but his stare portrayed a more serious expression, "We don't waste food." You crossed your arms over your chest, your eyes meeting his blue ones, "I'm not trying to be wasteful, that's why I offered it up. I knew someone would want-" He cut you off, smile disappearing, "You need to eat it yourself. It's your favorite, I made it just for you." You nodded once, acknowledging the effort he put in, "And it was delicious. But now I'm full." There was a certain bitterness to your words, causing Sanji to hesitate. The rest of the crew looked on silently, exchanging nervous glances at one another as the scene played out. You barely paid them any notice, keeping your eyes locked on Sanji as you shoved yourself away from the table and stood up. "We don't waste food. So someone else can eat it, I'm not going to."
Your boots thudded against the wooden floor of the ship as you stomped away, suddenly feeling the need for fresh air. You didn't stop until you were at the edge of the deck. The wind whipped your hair around and you watched the sky turn orange against the clear water as the sun set on the horizon. Tears pricked at your eyes. They rolled over your cheeks despite your attempts to sniff them away, so you gave up. You were alone, anyway. No reason to hide your tears out here. They just didn't get it, you thought. Although it's not like you had ever tried explaining it to them before. You never meant to waste food. You just couldn't stop it. No matter how hungry you felt beforehand, your appetite seemed to wither the second food was in front of you. More than half a portion made you feel sick, and throwing your meals up into the sea felt worse than just offering it to someone who would it eat.
"Nice evening, isn't it madam?" You whipped your head around, quickly trying to wipe the tears from your face. Sanji stood several feet behind you, smiling once again, but still with a grim aire about him. "Yes, it is," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady as you turned back towards the ocean, "Very peaceful." You could hear the heels of the chef's shoes clicking against the wood until he appeared right next to you, resting his elbows on the edge of the ship. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him looking at you, studying your features. "I'm still not hungry," you told him, and you couldn't decide whether or not it was a lie. You were hungry, or at least, you should be. But you knew no more food would stay in your stomach for long. Sanji chuckled, dipping his head down, "Well, I gathered that much, love. I just can't figure out why. Only a banana for breakfast and nothing at lunch, by all means, you should be starving." You looked at him, eyebrows crinkled in confusion, "You know what I ate?" "I keep track," he says, shrugging his shoulders, "Helps me with my meal planning. I thought for sure you'd have a good dinner tonight, especially since I made something I knew you'd love." "I did love it," you admitted to him, sighing into the wind, "I just... don't eat much. It's hard." "Hard to eat?" He raised an eyebrow at you, "It shouldn't be, we have plenty of-" "Not like that," you cut him off, waving your hand through the air, "I know we have food, I just can never hold much of it. When I was younger, I forced myself not to eat... and I must have gotten good at it, because now I can't. And I hate it, because I get so hungry only to push food away, and I feel so wasteful." You could feel tears threatening to fall again, so you laughed, trying to act like there was nothing upsetting about the situation whatsoever. Sanji, however, did not laugh. He looked at you with sad eyes, which was even more intense since the wind was pushing his hair out of his face, meaning you could see both of them. It was quiet for a moment, with no noise but the waves lapping at the bottom ship. Then, the chef let out a sigh, opening his arms. You fell into him, burying your face into his pin-striped shirt. His strong arms immediately wrapped around you, his chin resting gently atop your head. "Thank you for telling me," he said quietly, placing a kiss against your hair, "I'm sorry I pushed you so hard." "It's alright," you whispered back, allowing yourself to cry on him, "You didn't know." He squeezed you tighter, "Well, now that I do know, I'm still worried about you. The way you've been eating still isn't healthy. I'll start giving you smaller portions, so you don't have to feel wasteful. And when you're ready, I'll gradually give you more. Like baby steps. Can you agree to that, my dear?" Pain shot through the inside of your cheek as you bit down, thinking his words over. Recovery was hard, but Sanji was willing to help.... You nodded your head, accepting the offer, "Little, tiny baby steps." Sanji laughed softly, running his fingers through your hair, "Sure, little, tiny baby steps. Whatever it takes, love. Would dessert be a good start?" He raised an eyebrow at you, and you laughed, "Well, that depends... what kind of dessert?"
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queen-of-scissors · 1 year
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Okay so how about the reader coming home after an exhausting day basically dead on their feet only to fine the acolytes in their house
💧anon
This is a good one i like 👌🤌
İ think i read something like this before, time to make my own version!
(also would be so cool if you asked me on what characters you want me to add next time so i can make it even better for you :D)
Masterlist
More under the cut!
Halucinations??
The whole day you were thinking about going home, getting a nice, warm bath, and going to sleep after all the work that you have done.
You were so exhausted that even getting your shoes off and opening the door felt like a chore. So you took your time, its not like it was due anytime haha.
While you get your keys out, you realised a sweet aroma filling the air, maybe one of your neighbors is making food, which made you realise you are actually hungry.
The smell was so out of this world that you would kill to get a piece of whatever they were making, but your exhaustion didn't make you even move. So you decided to ask for the recipe tommorrow.
You finally opened the door and draged yourself inside. The smell getting stronger but you opened the windows before leaving so you brushed it off as the neighbor profably has as well.
You open the door of your room, passed some group of people that made noise and fall on top of your bed. Slowly dosing off.
......
.....wait a second.
You wake up and stand back up the second you realise what the hell is happening.
"W-WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
"Your Grace!! We can explain!"
"GET OUT GET OUT!" you grab the nearest thing you can use as a weapon.
suprisingly, that scares them?
"PLEASE DONT EXECUTE US WE DİDN'T MEAN TO!!!"
"İ SAİD GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"
"PLEASE LİSTEN TO US FİRST YOUR HİGHNESS"
You throw your weapon at them and grab something else.
"İ WİLL CALL THE COPS!!!"
"WHO İS COPS?!"
"WHAT KİND OF QUESTİON- JUST LEAVE!!!!!"
"OKAY OKAY!!!!"
They slowly take a step back, "just don't be scared ok?"
Now that you regained most of your senses because of their calmer voice and further distance, you can analyse the situation.
These people, who are in a very cool cosplay of genshin impact, came in your house, and acted like you are the Queen of england for some reason??
İf you weren't scared out of your mind, you would be pretty goddamn impressed by all the cosplays.
Albedou's face looks like it's handmade made from chalk, Al haitham was super tall and well built, Like straight out of a Wattpad story. YELAN LOOKED SO HOT?!?! The only meh cosplay was Kujou Sara's cosplay. The material looked pretty hard.
Venti's outfit was unlike any cosplays you ever seen, it had crazy amount of detail. Nahida's hair looked so real that you bet it glows too! Even Ei and zhongli's eyes have a little glow on them.
".....why are you in cosplay..."
"Cos.... Play?"
"WHY ARE YOU HERE AT ALL??"
"Perhaps it is better that i explain" Albedou's mouth moved, you kind of got scared as it looked like it can break any second.
"Perhaps you don't recocnise us, but we are your followers."
"This is so weird...."
He continued without paying you any mind. "İ recently came across a knowledge that we can contact you without breaking the holy scripture.
So naturally, i experimented on it. And i managed to open up a portal that leads us to your world."
"Ok now you are talking nonsense."
"Quite the contrary, its only science"
"NOTHİNG ABOUT THİS İS SCİENCE!!'
"With that said" Kujou Sara spoke "we weren't sure if it was concidered a sin in your eyes." She fall to her knees, the other imitiating her. "We are ready to take our punishment you deem necessary."
You just... Stared at them...
THESE PEOPLE ARE İNSANE!!!!
"Yeah im not calling the cops. İm gonna call an ambulance"
Before you manage to take your phone and dial in numbers, Albedo asked you "uh, your highness...?"
"What?"
"İt seems that i forgot to take out the food from the fire. Could i go and make sure it isn't burned?"
"...the smell was your cooking?"
"Forgive me, i was looking through the devices in your world and got carried away, i wasnt sure on the purpose of the device, and decided to Cook something."
Your stomack rumbles at that, you aren't sure if you should eat anything an insane person does but you were too tired to think anyway.
"....could i taste it..?"
His eyes go wide "...realy?"
"İm... A bit hungry, i didnt have time to eat today."
"Of course! İll go grab you a plate!"
The others also raise their head "Can we do anything else?!"
"Uhhh???" You weren't sure, would they go aggresive if you don't let them? They might have actuall mental illness afterall...
"You guys can sit down in the living room, that would help!"
Al haitham looked at you "help with...?"
"Uhh, me to gather my toughts?"
"Of course! Take your time." Zhongli sais. And then adds "...sorry to disturb you but... Where is the living room?"
"Where television is?" You decide to test them
"Uhhh, huh... Vision.... Where vision is...."
"Oh boy just follow me."
-------------------------
You ate your food. İt was so good! But you kind of wished you didn't wish for tasting the food before coming inside the home and wish for something else. Like all your work going away.
You joined them in the living room. Ei and Sara looks were sitting on the ground, in front of the coffee table. They all turned at you when you walk in.
"Feeling better?" Nahida asked "your face gained its color back!"
"...yeah, thank you for the food."
"Will you hear us out now?" Al haitham spoke up, he was getting tired himself.
"How did you come here?" You decide to ask. Maybe getting some clues on who they actually are and help the cops, who are on their way.
"We opened a portal from our world to your world." Albedo explained again.
"Right, right, but i meant how did you come inside my house?"
"We fell"
"Fell?"
"We were thrown out of some strange device."
"Device... You mean my computer?"
"Com.. comput-er?"
You decide to check on it, praying that they didn't break it....
İt was there! Safe! Not a single scratch! You thank whatever god that came to mind for it.
Then you Heard a strange noise coming from your computer. İt never made that noise before.
You opened your computer.
As soon as you do, wind pics up and sucks everything that is not supported by something heavy inside the computer.
The screen looks like a small version of the abyss, and you see your work papers/notes fly inside the screen.
You immediatly close the computer.
Yeah you are halucinating from working too much. When you wake up, everything will be back to normal.
No more maddness. Just sleep.
And with that you fall back on your bed.
After a dreamless slumber, you wake up to knocking on the door.
"Police! There has been a notice about 8 people forcefully getting inside the house, we are armed and will shoot if you ressist!"
"Your grace..?"
Uh-oh it wasnt a dream.
You quickly got up from your bed and opened the front door.
"Ah im sorry im the one who sent that. My friends were just playing a prank on me and i didn't realise it was them. İm sorry for disturbing you."
The cops just said something about fake notice and left.
"OH MY GOD THİS İS SO STRESSFUL!!"
"How did you call them here?"
"Nevermind that... God i need a break..."
"Will you listen to us for Real this time?" Nahida asked, actually worried about you.
You droped your head. You know what you saw. But you are still not sure if you should belive them. But at this point, what can you even do?
"Fine, please tell me from the start."
___________________________________________
You denied their request. You can't leave your own world, at least not yet.
But they weren't going to give up on you that easily. So they weren't leaving anytime soon either.
Yeah you aren't going to be able to open your computer for a while.
Well at least they are the best room buddies you can ever hope for.
Zhongli is confused about money situation but got the hang of it pretty quickly.
Yelan, Nahida, albedo and al haitham all tried to convince you into visiting Tevat.
"Man this house chores are pain"
"İt wouldnt be if you were in tevat smh" Yelan said.
Venti bought wine with your money. (They be expensive) but apologised with a song he made for you!
Ei acts like a guard dog for you. Not sleeping at all and keeping an eye on you (apperantly she stoped a criminal and is a Superhero now)
So its pretty caotic untill you decide to leave this world and go back home.
Where you belong :)
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delusional-mishaps · 1 year
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I am back!
And I would like to request for Error x Reader headcanons! I needs more fluff with my glitchy boi.
Like him getting a crush on reader! How would he act around them? How would he court them? Especially if Reader is a little shit and he’s like oh god I’m in love with this idiot-
SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING SOONER 😨
manbaby in denial manbaby in denial manbaby in denial
as soon as he finds himself thinking about you he cuts all contact.
or... he tries to.
he is a very lonely man and he misses you </3
he still tries! but when all his thoughts are devoured by your lovely face and your voice and your idiotic tendencies...
URGGG!!! GET OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!!
he'll come trudging back all mopey and moody
"what the hell happened to you? aww did you get your ass beat?"
and when he just stares at you with a death glare and you start to get nervous...
"please im sorry for teasing you whats wrong 😰😰"
meanwhile he's staring at you like "why are you stuck in my head. i hate you. what kind of witchcraft did you use on me. why do i want to kiss you. OH MY GOD I WANT TO KISS YOU???"
thus he realizes he likes you. and he crashes. and youre left just staring at him waiting for him to reboot worried as hell because he hasnt said anything to you and why did he crash????
the next few days are :) odd :)
he'll appear randomly. and he'll leave randomly. and he'll crash randomly. and he refuses to give you ANY explanation why he's acting like this
meanwhile he's fighting himself internally the whole time. he wants to spend time with you because he likes you for some god awful reason, but if he were to distance himself this crush would go away wouldnt it?
does he want it to go away? he... isnt sure. he likes how you make him feel, even if it is sometimes nauseating
then things start to appear in your home. small things, most of which you dont notice. until it's things that realistically you shouldn't have. why are there floating rocks on your mantel? how are they floating?
he'll brush it off if you ask him about it.
"don't worry, it's fine. do you like them?"
if you really dont, he'll get rid of them
though, you asking makes him think his gifts aren't good enough for you. you wouldnt ask about them if you really liked them, would you? he has to up his game.
he also gets really particular about his appearance. if he does want to get with you, he has to make sure he's attractive. right? his old, smelly, ratty clothes wont do. he needs new things.
he makes them all from scratch :) and!! he'll perhaps fashion you a few new outfits while he's at it!
he gets very clingy once he accepts it. yeah, he has a crush on you. that means you're stuck with him.
spends more time around you. his love language may be quality time.
dude honestly has no idea what theyre doing. theyve never really felt this way?? about anyone?? EVER??? how do they romance you? do they just tell you?????
simple answer: yes!
they drop in one day, a ball of nerves and probably almost on the brink of crashing because they realize youre actually probably too good for them and why would you even like them? theyre rude to you, theyre rude to others, theyre so selfish...
but when they see you... oh, you're so stunning, even if you are only in your lounge clothes, hair messy and eyes still sunken-in with the look of sleep. certainly not the best youve ever looked, but what do they care? they... they love you.
and they tell you, awkwardly standing in the middle of your living room. they proclaim their love for you, however jumbled in the explanation of their feelings
and theyre so transparent with you in that moment... so vulnerable and open, letting their soul sing out for you, words spilling from their mouth without filter.
and finally, when they say everything
you say "i love you, too"
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was ita for ghosting/cutting off my ex girlfriend after our junior year?
i (currently 17, trans M) knew this girl (currently 17(?), F) from around 7th grade [middle school] to 11th grade [junior year of high school], so five school years/ten ish years total, give or take. we just graduated this year so this is kind of old drama, i was happier not talking to her but i always kind of regretted not giving her like. the reasons why
we dated from i wanna say. the middle of 7th grade to the middle of our freshman year. she broke up with me because her other boyfriend at the time was jealous she was dating another person [both of us are polyamorous]. we stayed in contact but i got a bit distant during lockdown because my mental health was going down the drain fast and i was just kind of isolating myself from Everyone, but got back into regular contact at the beginning of junior year because of our schools dungeons & dragons club.
she was running basically a continuation of the campaign that had been cut short because of lockdown and i didnt know any of the other campaigns DMs so i decided to join her campaign again since i had been missing my character anyways. at this point id been out for about three years i think? and made a point of introducing myself to the group with my chosen name and he/him pronouns. i dont pass very well, but i usually had a trans pride flag and pronoun pin visible on my outfit whenever we had sessions. my character was also a trans man, only using he/him pronouns as well.
whenever she addressed me or my character, she defaulted to using she/her and my deadname, despite my constant correcting her and the other party members. the only people in the party that used both the right name and pronouns for me and my character were the only other trans person (currently 18, F) in the group who she also constantly misgendered, and a guy (currently 18, M) id become pretty close friends with, since we'd accidentally started a running joke about my character being his characters dad.
i started to kind of resent her and the other party members for the constant deadnaming and misgendering and honestly was just waiting for the campaign to be over. it wrapped up at the end of the year and i just took the opportunity to stop interacting with her entirely. i had made other friends that year, and had a few from the old friendgroup we had both been part of, that respected both my name and pronouns with no issues apart from the very rare accidental deadname.
senior year passed without me talking to her a single time, only really seeing her in the halls like. once a week. now that we've graduated i doubt i'll see her all that much except the way you sometimes see a kid from school at the grocery store or the mall or wherever, so theres not really anything i can do to get back in contact or make amends or whatever, and even if i could i dont think id really want to unless she showed she could handle actually using the right name and pronouns for me.
shes shown she can use them for a mutual friend of ours (currently 18, trans M) that passes really well so it just always made me feel like she didnt give enough of a shit about me or respect me enough to actually see me as the man i am. so. idk. was ita?
What are these acronyms?
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khaleesiofalicante · 2 months
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tbh dani i dont give a fuck about the clave or alec or david or (th eone i never understood or care for) kincaid (like bro even gabriel killed his demon father all he had to do is out his dad or take a stance against him but he wants the damn glory and feels tied to his destone and no i am not willing to hear anything in support of this familywho somehow is still more powerful than lance), nor do i care about that bitch victoria( bc no matter her mental problems I HATE HER), or that asshole fucking hope he gets mauled kyle,
I only care about max and lance and david (and yes that is right i really dont give a shit about arthur either)
I think its obvious i am high on this chapter's feelings, idk i feel strongly for accountbaility where its due and revenge in general but esp for lance. Though i had hoped lance would burn idris or get revege by killing people , bc arthur got hurt i wasnt that mad like i was mad bc of teh reasoning behind it and bc i hate kyle but it was sort fo his fault did he think it wld be all lalala land if he goes to idris that littel shit anyways, BUT BUT GWEN ?!? DANI , wow wow i am speechless but in a mad kind of way. i dont accept this. nope no no no
how much is that family esp lance and david going to hurt, i just want a proper revenge for them at teh end, like people begging for thier/them for forgiveness sort of, i know they are never going to be apert of the shadowworld but i had hoped it alawys had shadow demons over them, i hate them that much
i also dont like that kincaid was so easily able to defeat lance and people celebrated it, I loved lance in this ch like wooo go off boy, and wow max being all powerfull and manipulating blood was sooooo cool, go be badass baby, also arthur should be grounded for a decade or so or even for life, i hated how kincaid downplayed lance and arthur relationship like idgaf whether arthur CHOSE you or not, lance is superior sorry kid.
I also HATED RAFE , but that is normal for me now, i havent liked him in lbaf for a long long while. i hope they lb family just cuts all of thier siblings and cousins off, like no contact and they fucking realize or feel how much that family suffered , like of wow you didnt have sun for 20 years big deal bro, there are places on earth which doeasnt have that for 6 mnths every year since eternity. they DESERVED THAT isaid what i said, i am just getting bored of rafe and his reasoning like oh NOW you decide to fight harder what does he want congratulations?!
the idris people and kincaid deserved the bad thinsg happening to them for me, like i feel it isnt enough, also madeline srsly you knew abt lance being david kid and possibly inheriting the demon blood, did you think it was a good idea to go to idris when pregnant with your husband like i think you vicariously consented to the liability and possibility of damage when you also knew david can do shadow demon shit.
so yeah i am beyond reason in this fic when it comes to hating idris and all living being there and only support lance and david and max ( yes i am deliberately leaving arthur his idiotic naviety that kincaid cares about him when it comes to him vs his own family or so called destiny he is irritating me , like sir he doesnt give a shit about what he said to you idk why he believed kincaid's promises.)
i just want someone to lecture them after locking them in a room preferably alec i have no hope for rafael in this fic he is beyond any hope for me and so is kincaid so
😘thank you for teh rollercoaster of the chapter bye. But i hope you give vengeance to lance and his family against idris. 👿
This was A RIDE lmao.
I love when y'all take it personally and get emotional (shows me I am doing my job 😎)
I can't promise you anything. But I can tell you that I believe in happy endings, but I don't think everyone gets one. A story where EVERYONE gets their happy ending doesn't make sense to me. Some people do and others do. As to who will get it and who won't is entirely up to (in this scenario, me lmao).
So we shall wait and see :)
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lost-jams · 10 months
Text
Hello there
pairing — jimin x female reader
genre — fluff (with a bit of sexual stuffs huhu)
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::If I was given the choice to re-live my life, well I dont think I would make any choices that would differ from the previous ones...because all of them led me to you::
I look myself over one more time in the mirror. I used to wear my hair above the shoulders with edgy bangs, but it's grown a lot in the last couple of years. And not without reason. I brush my fingers through the long, dark strands of hair that I've trained to cover most of the left side of my face. I pull the sleeve of my left arm down to my wrist and then pull the collar up to cover most of my neck. The scars are barely visible like this, and I can actually stomach looking at myself in the mirror. I used to think I was pretty. But hair and clothes can only cover up so much now. I hear a toilet flush, so I turn quickly and make my way to  the door before the woman can exit the stall. I do what I can to avoid people most of the time, and not because I'm afraid they'll stare at my scars. I avoid them because they don't stare. 
The second people notice me, they look away just as fast, because they're afraid to appear rude or judgmental. Just once it would be nice if someone looked me in the eyes and held my stare. It's been so long since that's happened. I hate to admit that I miss the attention I used to get, but I do. I exit the bathroom and head back toward the booth, disappointed to still see the back of my father's head. I was hoping he would have had some kind of emergency and been required to leave while I was in the restroom. It's sad that I'd rather be greeted by an empty booth than by my own father. The thought almost makes me frown, but I'm suddenly sidetracked by the guy seated in the booth I'm about to walk past. I don't usually notice people, considering they do everything in their power to avoid eye contact with me. However, this guy's eyes are intense, curious and staring straight at me. My first thought when I see him is, "If only... this were two years ago."
________________________________________________________________________________
Its happening again...they are fighting again sighing i look at my mirror "ugh...i need a hair cut" grabbing my car keys I jogged towards the front door, silence...perhaps they finally noticed me "I'll be back in awhile" i told them while putting on my shoes. " Eat something before heading out, come" i finally looked towards my mother, her eyes they are red...so was my fathers, Are they finally letting themselves go? maybe. "No im not hungry" i opened the door.
Would my present be different if i lisened to my mother? Do i want things to be different?
________________________________________________________________________________
 I want to break out in a sprintin order to get his eyes off me, or if I should walk in slowmotion so I can soak up the attention.His body shifts as I begin to pass him, and his stare becomestoo much all of a sudden. Too invasive. I feel my cheeks flushand my skin tingle, so I look down at my feet and allow myhair to fall in front of my face. I even pull a strand of it intomy mouth in order to block more of his view.
Just a fewmoments ago, I was thinking about how much I miss beingstared at, but now that it's happening, I just want him to lookaway.Right before he's out of my peripheral vision, I cut my eyesin his direction and catch a ghost of a smile. Maybe he didnt see my scars...
It annoys me that I even think this way. I used to notbe this girl. I used to be confident, but i guess the accident broke every ounce of my self-esteem. I've tried getting it back, butit's hard to believe someone could ever find me attractivewhen I can't even look at myself in the mirror.  Ugh.
"As i was saying, I think u should organise a fan meet and stop being an annonymous writer, people want to see u" i tear my eyes from my father to the coffee sitting on my table untouched. "I'm not ready" i heard a sigh. "it has been two years" i shiffted on my sit uncomfortable...my fathers hand reached out to me grabbing the sides of my face, they were so warm. "take as much time u need...im here" nodding m head i smiled but i dont know why i felt so heavy in my heart...it was so heavy. "i think i have an idea for my new poetry" believe me or not but the only good thing after the accident happening to me was me becoming a writer, I didnt know what came in me one day i decided to write a poetry and publish it and it became a best seller.
________________________________________________________________________________
I should've slept last night i cant think straight, was this always the road i took, God i swear sleep-deprived driving is far worse then drunk driving, I feel my eyes closing...I try to keep them open I see a little girl crossing the road and........CRASH............
blood...everywhere whats going on?
HELP I CANT MOVE...SOMEONE HELP
i want to scream but nothing comes out is it the end
i hear footsteps with sirens...am i getting help?
please help me...I want to live
i feel someone pulling me out of the car, i feel his hand on my neck, he was slapping my cheeks....i wanted to open my eyes to make sure the girl was ok, was she ok? is she alive? what happened i dont remember....
beep......beeep...beep....
My eyelids feel so heavy, i wanna sleep if i open my eyes i have to face the consequences im not ready but i dont wanna die away...Looking arround i see my father on the right side of my bed, Why cant i open my left eye, i try to get up...im covered in bandages, funny i cant feel any pain, im glad im alive.
"Dad" whisperring i poke his hand, he jolts up. Did he not sleep for a week? "U look terrible" he looks like he'll cry any moment now. "You should look at yourself first" how bad can it be?
A week passed by there was no sign of my mother, I was told i hit a pole and the girl lived, i remember her face, she was preety cute. My father says my mother left, i didnt expect much from her but a visit wouldnt hurt right? I just hope my wounds heal faster its super itchy...
A month passed by, its just me and my father we are on our way to my physical therapist so that i can walk again and i dont have to use this stupid wheelchair
We were in the waiting room...whispers...they were whispering about me, poor girl she must be on so much pain. The left side looks so bad. Can't these people tell i can hear them, i opened my ponytail heaving a sigh. i feel heavy...
My therapist told me i should write down my feeling, so....
Whenever the clouds of pain and sadness loomed.
Whenever tears came till the eyelashes,
Whenever this lonely heart got scared,I told my heart, Oh Heart, why do you cry?This is what happens in this world
This deep silence the world has distributed it to everyone, Some sadness is a part of everyone's life, Some sunshine is a part of everyone's life, Your eyes are wet without any reason, Every second is a new season Why do you let go of such priceless moments? Oh Heart, why do you cry?
________________________________________________________________________________
"Anyways, we have a meeting with our illustrator this friday be ready" i hum while finishing my coffee. "we should head back" my father said grabbing his things. I hurriedly looked for the guy...just a last glance...he was gone.
Friday came, he is late I took his profile out, Park Jimin....it baffles me that my supposed illustrator gave no picture how will I even recognise him, good thing my father knows this guy, sighing I put my head down...i hate headaches so much...
"Sorry im late" I hear nervous chuckles "you know morning traffics" I look up ITS HIM...THE GUY...ITS HIM... I see the corner of his lips turn upwards, was it me or he was smirking...My father went straight into buisness, everything was so blur, i was just staring at his face, he is beautiful.
He says he has been an illustrator for five years straight, my father seems preety convinced by him, so am i.. If i were to compare the beauty of him and his work, his work wins scoring a homerun for sure. It speaks with such depth that you want to drown in it.
He shook hands with my father, coming right infront of me he offers me his hand...i take it, I feel his thumb brushing against the surface of my skin. Will it be weird to say that i felt excited? I didnt know i was hold my breath till I was inside the car. "I like him" my father utters "Same" I feel my cheeks flushing. I think i might have been single for a while now...
"Are you always like this, flirting with whoever u want?" Jimin snapped his head back to u "I saw u, winking at the waitress" He bit his lower lip...i want to bite it too..his eyes threw a mischivious smile at me, there is something about his eyes, I cant put a finger on it. " Why...you jealous?" i scoffed at that, yes..."why would i be jealous?" chuckling he put his hand on his chest " ouch...i wanted u to be" why would he? "Girls like you are not made for flirting ... they are made for love"
Days passed I was struggling to write, there was something bugging me and the fact that Im alone right now is more depressing, AAAAAA I want to scream, will i have my periods soon? maybe but why am I tearing up there is no reason, God i hate mood swings. 
Alchohol...this thing is a fools gold, you know its bad for u but u cant help but have it...and it also turns u into a fool. Why u ask? because only a fool will ask someone to drop by to their house in the middle of the night. With what reason? because they feel lonely. And here i was contemplating what i should say to the person infront of me. 
"Would u like a drink?" he narrows his eyes at me "you are lonely" fuck...i dont look a him in the eye. i clear my throat " I just wanted to discuss about..uhh" he puts his head on his hands which is supported by the table as he leans in " Wanna go out?" One look from me was enough for him to take a hold of my hand and drag me outside. Was he always taller then me?  I pulled  him back "Its late" i smiled at him. "Do u paint?" 
And here we are infront of his house, because he thought it'll be great to have a painting date in the middle of the night. Was it a date though? It felt like it. I was sitting infront of a canvas processing what was happening. His Art room reminds me a art museum, paintings everywhere, i dont know what an art museum looks like but i think i got a gist of it. "May i paint u?" Shock was written on my face, insecurities filling me in "I-" 
He puts one finger on my lips and he pushes the hair away from my forehead, running hisfingers through it until it's no longer hanging in my face. "Youwear your hair like you do because you don't want people tosee too much of you. You wear long sleeves and collared shirtsbecause you think it helps. But it doesn't." I feel like i might cry.  I feel his fingertips graze my jaw and I flinch. "You havethe most incredible bone structure, and I know that's a weirdcompliment, but it's true." His fingers leave my jaw and trailup my chin until he's touching my mouth. "And your lips.Men stare at them because they want to know what they tastelike, and women stare at them out of jealousy because if theyhad lips the color of yours, they'd never have to buy lipstickagain."
His forehead is resting against mine, and I can feel hisbreath crashing against my lips. Jimin steps forward and wraps his arms around me.Everything about him is comforting and warm and I have noidea how to respond. One of his hands meets the back of myhead and he presses my face against his chest.
few days passed by since that day, I decided to put my hair up in a ponytail. My neck it looks nice, i like how it looks...i love it. I get down for breakfast, i smelled pancakes my father turns arround with a plate delight crosses his face when he saw me. "you look good" I didnt know what was this feeling but it surely feels very light, exciting and comforting . I think I know what to write...
The moment seems to flow like a molten sapphire and there's deep blue silence, Neither there is earth below, nor sky above, The rustling branches, leaves are saying that only you are here, Only me, my breath and my heartbeat,  Such deepness, such loneliness and me...only me, It all makes me believe in my existence.
There was a girl drowning, but she had a smile on her face, the illustration did match my writing. neighther there is earth below, nor the sky above. smart move Mr Park. My poem got selected for the top ten poems of the year. There were incoming calls of congratutions but I was waiting for a certain person. Without wasting another second i called him "Hello?" i sucked in a long breath "you can paint me" 
Fuck....fuck...FUCKKKKK, I am crazy very very very crazy WHO SAYS THAT, YOU CAN PAINT ME WTFFFFFFF. Standing infront of his building i was rethinking my decision, but it was too late UGHHHHHH i rang the door bell. 
His stares, i remember them, so intense I wonder why, is it because of his profession? his eye shape? or is it just him? "I like you" shit...he stands up which makes me stand up  he takestwo quick steps toward me until his hands are in my hair andhis mouth is on mine. He backs me against the wall and his hands and chest andlips are pressed hungrily against mine. He's gripping my facelike he's afraid to let go and I'm fighting for breath becauseit's been so long since I've kissed anyone, I think I may haveforgotten how to do it right. As soon as a whimper  leaves my mouth, he's pressing meharder against the wall. His left hand is caressing my cheekand his right hand is gripping me by the waist, pulling meagainst him.
I feel Jimin's arms wrap around me . He rests hischin on my shoulder. "You having second thoughts?"I shake my head. I'm nervous, but I'm definitely not havingsecond thoughts. Yet."Good " 
"Im leaving for the airport in two hours, i agreed for the fan meet" i pause to look at him, he is smiling, im happy that he is smiling, " do you want me to drive u?" oh no...my dad he is driving me ." Uhh my dad...he-''. Dissapointment runs across is face, and i needed to leave now, I DONT WANNA GOOOO. He looked so precious looking like a sad puppy, did i ever mention anything about his chubby cheeks THEY LOOK SO FLUFFY NOW THAT MAKE ME WANT TO BITE INTO IT. control..y/n...control.
 He stepsback, releasing me. "I should have taken you to the airport andthen as soon as you got to security, I could have dramaticallycalled out your name and run toward you in slow motion." Hemimics the scene in slow motion, moving in place as hereaches an arm out toward me. "Y/NNNNNNNNNNNN," he says in along, drawn-out voice. "Dooon't Leeeave Meeeee!"I'mlaughing hard when he stops acting out the scene and wrapshis arms around my waist again. "I need to go now"
My father grabs our  suitcases and head inside withnot much time to spare before our flight. The airport is stillbuzzing despite it being so late at night. we print my boarding pass,check our luggage, and make our way to security.I try not to think about what I'm doing. How am I going to talk to people I dont know with my amazing social skills. The thought of it makes me want tocall a cab and go straight back to my apartment, but I can't.I have to do this.
"Y/NNNNNNNNNN"
 My eyes flick open.I turn around and Jimin is standing at the revolving door. Hebegins running toward me.In slow motion.I cover my mouth with my hand and try not to laugh as heslowly stretches out an arm like he's reaching out for me. He'syelling, "Doooon't goooo yeeeet!" as he moves slowlythrough the crowd of people.People from all directions stop to see what the commotion isall about. I want to dig myself a hole and hide but I'mlaughing too hard to care about how embarrassing this is.What in the world is he doing?When he finally reaches me after what seems like forever, ahuge grin spreads across his face soon he presses his lips with mine. 
I looked at my father, he's too surprised to even react. The room feels like it's spinning, so I suck in a huge rush ofair and try not to sway. "I forgot to say I like u too" with that he begins to walk backward and I'm aware of everyone in ourvicinity staring at us, but I can't help but not give a shit. Rightbefore he reaches the revolving door, he cups his hands aroundhis mouth and yells "YOU BETTER NOT GHOST ME AFTER U COME BACK" 
I don't think I've ever smiled so big. I lift a hand and wavegoodbye as he disappears. "I like him" I look towards my father. "So do I". Going back to the question that i asked myself Would my present be different if i lisened to my mother? Do i want things to be different? I think i like it this way, Everything happens for a reason, you just need to give it a little time for it to fall on the right track anyways I am loving it for now and im living it aswell...
If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive, If your eyes are filled with dreams, it means you are alive Learn to be free like the wind,  Learn to flow freely like the river, Embrace every moment with open arms, See a new horizon every time with your eyes, If you carry surprise in your eyes, it means you are alive, If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive.
And the story continies....
Heyyy I hope you liked the story, feel free to give your opinion on it, this story was inspired by a novel I read on my early teen days, kinda didnt like the way it ended so I made up my own version of it,
Happy reading.
ps: its kinda my first time [HELP (T_T) ]
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starsambrosia · 4 months
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So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter
Im rambling about my life because i feel like it
mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up
I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...
But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me
3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition
so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon
and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")
But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.
/idk man/
But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"
Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?
Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them
What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective
Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down
Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult
But like ive asked others too
In the same pantheon
That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma
Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people
I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.
Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people
Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it
But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life
Pendulum with Zeus:
Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people
Yes
Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?
Yes
I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.
So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh
Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods
Going to him more often now honestly
I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa
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shytastemakerthing · 5 months
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heyyy can i get a romantic matchup? ID REALLY LIKE AN ENSTARS ONE but if u dont do those, a twst one is good :3
im kitten, i dont use pronouns (so just use my name). i dont use labels either, but im feminine. im 17 (so nobody younger than me pls!!), currently in IT classes, 162cm, virgo and entp/intp. also 8w9
umm Im a vampirekin and have a strong affiliation w rabbits and cats. i can be really blunt (sometimes i dont mean it sometimes i do) and am pretty aggressive. i love play-fighting w friends and getting into joke arguments nd stuff.
i hate hatee having 2 give advice like I cant deal w ppl venting 2 me. I can b rude Mostly jut since if i dont like you 4 whatever reason Im not going to hide it Im just not going 2 Be nice. Cuz of this I dont get approached a lot bc ppl say i look mad/intimidating a lot!!!
VERY umm bimbo oriented. very clumsy, Very bad memory and attention span, But who cares I love acting cute and acting pretty and stuff. I love cute things tbhgd sm and I just want 2 squeeze. Cute ppl. As a bimbo i still Have my days 💔where im just Depressed man and Thats most days. but i am good at Just Living and Not acting like that..! Tho when im Very bad w mental health I tend 2 just get sick and not leave my bed and just cut everyone off LOLL
Any ways I love fashion and dressing cute and DESIGNING CLOTHES!!!! I love designing plushies and characters and stuff I need like a creative output and I have 34983 ways of that (designing plushies, characters, outfits ect. sewing, vtuber rigging, sculpting, painting, ect). i usually dress in v-kei, gyaru (kogal), ouji and lolita.
i love any love languages recieving tbh Maybe like words of affirmation I need lots of reminding that they R a willing participant of this Relationship. PERSONALLY i lvoe spending time and doing acts of service, im rlly Not an affectionate person so im probably not going to initiate physical contact and Im RLLY bad with words so im not probably going to do words of affirmation either .......
Hmmmm what else I love music. so much different types. breakcore, classical, eurobeat, game osts, pop rock, industrial metal, esp anything super weird and experimental.
jut stuff i likee would be active cities, being clean, good food, nighttime, CATS AND BUNNIES, pigeons<3, (i want to own a pet cat, bunnies and a pigeon lol), collecting things and baking
i DISLIKE dogs (despite being pretty dog-aligned by personality), my room having any sun in it, dirty/messy/gross ppl. i hatee violence sm I get uncomfortable hearing or seeing ppl/animals get hurt Its just gross and scary.
abt relationships ... I will die for my Partner i will straight up Fight someone for them. idc if they r bad person or if They did a crime rlly Thats so girlboss of them . I want to go out a lot on dates and stuff I dont wanna just go to the same places I want 2 explore and go to new places nd stuff. also Ermmm i dont rlly wanna Date someone shorter thn me Like. They just look like a child at that point..
thx :3 sawrry i wrote a lot lolz. lolll tyy So muh
A/N: Hello and thank you for your request! Don't worry about it being so long, the more information that I have to work with then the better! It only lets me get even more ideas for a match-up! Speaking of, I do hope that you like yours and enjoy!
Tw: None
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I match you with.........
Ritsu Sakuma
From one vampire to another, you both are quite literally made for each other in that regard. He sees you and he can feel warmth flooding through his ice cold veins, how the moonlight illuminates your figure makes you look just ethereal. He is stunned into silence but soon regains himself and Ritsu can't help but to approach you.
Now given his sleeping patterns, it is a little hard for the both of you to meet up for any kind of outings, these would mostly be happening later in the evening and into the night given his aversion to sunlight, but he manages to work his schedule just right between his unit work and when he sleeps. He will always make time for you.
Another cat lover! Perhaps the both of you would like to go to a cat cafe for one of your dates? It would be something that he would find both enjoyable and relaxing, especially if you get to be there with him.
His schedule is quite busy sometimes given the work he has with his unit, Knights, but if you would like, you could always join him when they have practices and lives. Honestly, the thought of you being in the crowd and cheering him on makes this young vampire smile.
Speaking of his unit, the others absolutely adore you and they protect their own, and given that they now see you as one of their own, they will protect you just as you protect Ritsu. It is what a Knight does, after all.
Ritsu is big on giving you those words of affirmation. He may not be too much of a talker, and he really isn't that down on himself, but he would never want you to be down on yourself. He wants you to know that he is committed to this relationship no matter what it takes.
Overall, two vampires are able to join each other under the light of the moon. It is something that he will always love. With your similar interests and hobbies, it just makes the time that you spend with one another so much better and so much sweeter.
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samscompliment · 2 years
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okay by popular request (one single request) here is how you can turn a spare 2 hours into your very own paperbacknatural <33
1. download the files off of googledrive :-) its an a4 pdf with the covers and spine all together and sized for classic paperback size. if you would like the og files to do your own thing, dm me <3
2. print out ur covers. for ease do this on a nice bit of cardboard, but if you can’t print on card for whatever reason then you can totally print it on regular copy paper and then glue it to some card (that’s what i did). if you’re doing that you want to make sure you do a nice even coat of glue (regular school glue is fine) and smooth it down properly.
2 a) the way i combined the paper and card  was by using a palette knife to cover the card with an even, thin layer of glue. then you line up the edge of your a4 bit of paper (the bit with no image), and smooth it down in one slow motion. think of it like you’re using contact paper on a book. if you have a paper folder you can use this to make sure there are no air bubbles (you may get an air bubble anyway though). be careful when you’re smoothing because if there’s too much glue the paper gets wet and may tear if you’re smoothing too hard. let it dry before doing anything else with it.
then make some folds along the spine using a ruler!
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3. get your paper out and figure out how much you’ll need to fill out the spine. i eyeballed it but i guess you can use a ruler. you will want to use clamps or bulldog clips to hold it all firmly together.
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4. trim your paper down to size. i had a whole bunch of off-cuts from another project i wanted to use up, but you can use any kind of paper you like. this is the bit that takes longest and its easiest and quickest if you have a paper cutter. i made a template that i stuck to my paper cutter so i could just eyeball each piece of paper by lining them up at the end
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4. find a way to hold all the pages together (use some cardboard or something similar on either side so you don’t get marks. i didn’t bother bc im lazy and now my front and back pages have dents<3). a book press is ideal if you have one but i don’t so folding clips it is. put a huge amount of glue on the spine using a brush, making sure to really get it in-between those pages. add some more glue and then let it dry for an hour or so. i put more clips along the top (where i’ve glued) to keep it firmly together
(i used school glue and its held up okay, but the odd page has fallen out. heavier duty glue = a heavier duty notebook)
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5. glue the spine again and stick it to your cover. run your finger/pen handle/paper folder along the spine to get it nice and smooth. i clamped mine again while letting it dry to make sure the spine fold was nice and crisp, and you really DO want to use something here so you dont muck up your cover. starve off the urge to admire it for as long as possible and leave it overnight before you start using it or cracking the spine in any way
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6. et voila! a fun little journal or thing to stick on your bookshelf <3 for finishing touches you can also carefully peel the price sticker off the next book you buy and stick it on for pizzazz <3
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@afeelingsosweet​ i hope this helps! just let me know if you need any more detailed instructions!
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dizzybevvie · 1 year
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Politely asks if you have any OCs, and if you want to show off their designs or ramble about them if so?
Hello anon i am about to present to you some of the most boring motherfuckers youve ever laid your eyes on.
OK SO.
In late january 2 years ago, me and my good friend Raya (@ randomstuffifindinteresting) were makin stupid unfunny jokes about the stereotype of the hypermasculine homophobic dudes with so much internalised homophobia. Thus, Chad, Brad and Jake were born.
I dont draw them seriously very often, its mostly meme redraws, but theyre very basic looking people and dont have a hell of a lot going on with their outfits anyway. you can see a majority of the memes and stuff at (@oh-em-gee-oh-sees) but theyre a little old.
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[Chad, Brad, Jake(theres no yellow); and their good friends Vivere and Mori]
So Brad is kind of the favourite because both me and Raya want to smooch him LMAO. Hes 6'1, a lil chubby, got big ol tits and one of them big ol curved noses. Personality wise, he's more reserved than anyone else in the group and likes to listen more than he likes to contribute. He doesn't feel like he has many hobbies or interests because he just moves through life. He likes to be an observer. He is BIG into music though. I guess you could say its his special interest, but he certainly doesn't know that. He particularly likes women's pop music kind of as a comfort thing? Growing up, it was just him and his mom so he finds it calming. He doesn't bring it up very often though. Whenever he's zoned out at the kitchen counters you can imagine he's thinking about it. He also likes baking, but he doesnt do it enough to consider it a hobby.He's also pretty sensitive but struggles to be emotionally available. His love language is acts of service and quality time. He's for sure autistic but I dont know if he knows that lmao. He likes bracelets, especially beaded ones with coloured string inbetween because he likes to pick at them during the day. He has some weird aunts and uncles that pop up time to time, usually with no idea that he cut off the rest of his family for reasons I won't get into. They're all eccentric, but they're all very sweet.
Chad is Brad's husband and possibly the only functioning member of the group. Hes the only one who can carry a conversation outside of them, be it a starbucks employee or their upstairs neighbours. But hes also fuckin angry all of the time. It doesnt take a lot of teasing to piss him off and when he does he gets this very slight southern accent on some of his words, which only insights more teasing. Mostly from Jake. He fucking HATES Jake (affectionate). He is actively working on it though, and he has gotten a better at controlling it. He's banned from the kitchen and has been since about a month after the three dudes moved into their apartment. Safe to say, Brad does most of the cooking. Chad's definitely the strongest of the group, which is absolutely definitely not overcompensation for his height and how inferior it makes him feel. Like, realistically he knows its stupid to be that hung up on it, and no one actually cares, but his parents were VERY strong on gender roles and it stuck with him. If his dad, who would take him outside to chop wood and thats it found out he grew up to be 5'4? Chad doesn't like to think about it. His parents do know though. They're the only ones in contact with any of them, and noone is thrilled about it. Every six months or so, they'll travel up north to see their son and ask him all the typical questions. Do you have a girlfriend, whenre you getting married, etc. Not out of ignorance either, they know he's married and they often do it while his husband is in the room. His dad will often make snide remarks about his physicality disguised as jokes, too. And although Chad gets furious at them every single time, he's the best at not blowing up when its them. He'll squeeze Brad's hand whenever something happens, but thats about it. Until they leave and he has to lay down from how exhausted he is. He only lets them stay because a part of him wants to believe they'll accept him. And they dont even know about Jake. He goes to stay at the girl's apartment while theyre over. Chad's discomfort in femininity certainly doesn't last long, though, because he's the type of person who runs STRAIGHT at what he's afraid of swinging wildly. He started wearing dresses and such, and a few weeks later started doing small-scale performances in restaurants and local theaters, for which Vivere was the ultimate hypeman. He probably wouldn't wear a dress without an occasion, but hes comfortable enough to do so now.
Jake is a fucking. loudmouth. Everythings a game to him. He likes to poke at people (metaphorically and literally) to see where the limit is. Whats frustrating too is that hes good at it. He's good at finding where the limits are, what not to say, what exactly to say thatll push your buttons but not in a way thatll actually upset you. He likes to be annoying as possible. This goes hand in hand with his avid use of sex jokes. All the time. He's a big fan of the kind of comedy where you take a joke thst isnt funny to begin with, and then run it into the ground until its dead and gone. He especially likes to tease Chad because hes the most reactive,and he finds the southern accent fucking hilarious. He's your typical blonde-guy-with-mullet - He likes to drink energy drinks until his chest hurts. He vapes, which everyone else hates (except Brad, who only really has an opinion on it because Chad does). He won't say anything about it until it becomes to much for him and he breaks down, but its partially self sabotage. As is his hypersexuality. He has a weird relationship with sex in that being hypersexual is freeing from his hyperreligious upbringing, but he also uses it as a way to hurt himself. Mentally he's definitely the worse off. He's the smartest too, but chooses not to use it. He slips in and out of polyamory with Brad and Chad - they consider themselves 'dating' but it wont ever go further then that and hes free to do whatever outside of that. Its very casual, and Jake has an intense fear of commitment. Its kind of just him appearing at their door at night and asking if he can sleep in their bed that night. He's a LOT worse than he lets on. He does have anxiety which mostly manifests as him picking at his fingers until they bleed. He'll occasionally have panic attacks and the like, for which he has a psychiatric service dog that Ive only done an hour or so's research on so Ill do that soon. His name is still undecided because he had an original name that was stupid, but now hes a service dog and not just a pet i wanna change it, lmao. Despite all of the redirection and unhealthy coping mechanisms, Jake is a very loving person and his friends love him too <3! He and Brad have been best friends since year 4/3rd grade. They met because Brad was drawing and Jake came over and was like "wow youre good at drawing. can you do the keep out signs for my secret hideout?" and then Brad followed him around like he'd been adopted by an extrovert. They met chad in school about 4 or 5 yearz after they became friends.
Vivere is our resident person who could for sure intervene and fix thing but instead is going to watch it burn down. I wouldn't say shes lazy, she's more just someone who wants entertainment, and shes found an easy source. She can be pretty genuine, but she's always lighthearted. She's on the ace spectrum, but couldn't tell you where. She and Jake are best friends. Shes the bright ideas, hes the execution. They remind me of Team Rocket LMAO. She is an avid cheater of games. She has never not cheated at a board or card game. She brags about cheating but she has a poker face of steel. She'll make monopoly trades with Jake in order to fuck over the other players. Its easy to spot when Jake's cheating because he cant stop grinning, so Viv likes to set him up and encourage it to take the attention off of her ploys. Other than that, she's really into reading. Shes partial to horror, but she'll read just about anything. She also loves animals, But not the typically cutesy ones. She likes reptiles and bugs most. She and Mori have a gecko called Egg and if anything happens to him she'll run away forever /j. She also loves looking into pseudoscience, because she finds it interesting whether or not she believes in them. She is a strong believer in the principles of yes-and and will commit to a bit even if it kils her. She's here for a good time, not a long time.
Mori is tied favourite with Brad, for sure. She's 6'4 and always smiling - not a big one, but its always there. Like what can i say? she loves her friends. She likes kind of old-timey things. She has a pocket watch that never gets used but is there, on of those dial up telephones, etc. She loves collecting too, so she has an EXTENSIVE record collection that she considers her life's work at 22. She loves the sea and pirates and everything that goes with it. Mori also has a few ships in a bottle placed delicately on her windowcill. She's REALLY good with animals and trains dogs for work. She's a dog person for sure. She and Viv eventually want rats, but theres not much space in their apartment for the amount they would need and they have Egg for now. In terms of her dynamic in the group, she serves as the mediator - particularly when playing a game like Uno or Monopoly. (Side note: they had to write colours on the cards for both games because of her colourblindness. Does she know shes ginger? good question, i dont know.) Unlike Jake and Viv who are determined to cheat the rules, Mori is more flexible in the way that she'll change the rules for the group if a compromise is needed. She's the second most social competent after Chad, shes just very charismatic. She also is the Dungeon Master when they play DnD together. She's big on dice collecting. She has them all organised by colour (Vivere helps lmao) in jars and displayed on her drawers. The group is extremely tight-knit and are almost always with atleast one other member of the group, but Mori has never been spotted in just a tshirt and jeans. The pirate outfit stays on during sex /j. What does she wear for pyjamas? No one knows. Vivere refuses to tell.
Uhhhh yeah I think thats basically it, LMAO. Tysm for asking and sorry this took a while to answer. but yeah! Here's the little dudes!!!! TBH i always enjoyed OCs that dont have any magical powers or plot theyre just people livin their lives, lmao. <33
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tqotsx3 · 2 months
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When you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers. (not forced ofc)
hey sorry i fell off the face of the earth cause WOWIE i took a while to see this, ive just been busy with school and some other stuff
also i love this prompt! i dont really think about myself often but i should appreciate who i am more! and i think people should appreciate who they are and the joy they bring into the world more too!!
i dont know how id pick just 10 of my favorite followers (they are all so cool), so if you follow me and ur reading this, if you wanna you should also take some time to appreciate yourself and post 5 things you like about yourself
ok ill stop stalling
Being able to tell when i did something wrong - part of the reason it took me so long to even respond to this was because i was in the process of reconciling with my old friend group. I had left about two years prior because i fell in love with my best friend and had gotten rejected, and at the time i was devastated, so much so that i pretty much cut contact with all of my friends from that group. I lived off of mainly spite and shame for what had happened for about 1 year, after which i tried connecting with other people at my school. this eventually led me to figuring out my gender and really looking at how my feelings had shifted over the years that I was gone, and while i felt much less angry, i still couldn't bring myself to join back. atleast, not until i saw a viral tweet from one of the friends of that group, which made me realize that by leaving the group i had missed so much, and they had missed so much of my life too. I joined back with my friends on december 1st, which i will remember fondly for the rest of my life. i know what i did was wrong now, and i consider leaving the biggest regret of my life so far. but just like that, i also consider rejoining one of the greatest joys i have ever experienced. i guess what im trying to say is that i know i mess up, like all the time about a lot of things, but i think im pretty good about owning up to that and admitting my mistakes.
2. Lack of Shame - oh boy what a great thing to follow up my trauma dump, lets go full horny now!! ok not really, but ever since i realized i was trans ive kinda let go of any shame about my body image or what i enjoy sexually. when i was a kid i used to fucking hate myself for being overweight, thinking i was wrong and i needed to lose weight constantly. and then when i got older, i also did that but for a porn addiction i thought i had (which later turned out to be my gender dysphoria manifesting but i didnt know that for another like 8 years). and now i dont bash myself for these things, its so nice to live my life without judging myself for every little thing that i perceived as wrong with myself. looking back on it, its kinda crazy since a majority of the things i hated about myself i never really had a problem with, it was moreso that there was a strict societal standard that wormed its way into my skull and made me think i was inferior when i really just wasnt. so anyway i hornypost 24/7 to all my friends and theyve all gotten tired of it (in a joking way, ofc if any of them were actually uncomfortable with me doing that I would respect that and stop immediately). anyways i need to be bred to death like a female axolotl
3. kindness - i sure hope i am!!! i try pretty hard to be nice to people and to make sure everyone around me knows theyre loved and appreciated and that they bring in so much joy to the people around them and to the world in general!!! at the end of the day i want everyone to be happy!!! on that note i need to get into the habit of saying this more but FREE PALESTINE!!! i cant really hope that everyones happy without condemning a literal genocide happening
4. curiosity and a lil ambition - i like learning things!! and i like that i like to learn things!! ive been happy going to school and learning about topics that interest me (mainly chemistry and computer science) and im glad that i have an interest in learning cause this world is so fucking cool and i want to learn how it works!!!!!
5. direction - and after all that has happened, after all my struggles and my losses, and my victories and my epiphanies, im just so proud of myself for finally knowing who i really am. there were times when i was alone where i would wonder if i would ever be happy, if i would ever figure out what i was supposed to be doing. i dont think i would ever have expected my life to be at this point and i am just so happy that i finally get to enjoy my life. I hope that everyone i ever know and everyone i ever dont gets to experience this too.
if you see this, just know that you are invaluable and awesome to have around. know that if you are lost, you will find who you are one day, you'll know what you want to do, where you want to go, who you want to be.
much love to you all.
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funshinebf · 7 months
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having divorced parents and one parent that abused you while the other was actually really awesome is so wild cause its like. yes i had a bad childhood yes i had a good childhood. my dad always seems to feel so guilty for me and my brother being so messed up but its so hard to explain how bad it was at my moms. and even still i have the problem of having a complicated relationship with my mom so any discussion of things shes done to me make me feel bad like its unfair to her. like i love my mom and i always will but she has improved so much over the years, and not living with her has improved my life. i could never cut her off and i dont really want to anyway, but sometimes im jealous of people who can go no contact and not look back. i think its also more complicated cause i have two sisters that are much younger than me so its like i can see all the places my moms improved from my childhood in how she raises them. i think parents are destined to fail their children in some areas. i think even the most well meaning parents will still make mistakes and be human. but being human itself makes harming people and being harmed inevitable. its just the reality, everyone you know will let you down in some way or another. but i think the world looks brighter once you start to accept this. it sounds like im being cynical and negative, but i think it makes me quicker to forgive people and continue moving forward. if i can understand their motivations for what harmed me i can forgive them. but when i dont understand why they would do that to someone i start to feel truly wronged by it. if i cant find a good enough reason to justify harming someone then i cant forgive it and i cant get rid of the scars it leaves. i cant forget it. i could never do that to someone. how could anybody do that to someone. my intrusive thoughts alone send me into a guilt ridden trance as soon as they form, i could never understand being able to hurt someone so purposefully. for what? amusement? what could someone possibly gain from that? what could they gain that would erase any of the guilt? i think my least favorite type of person is the person that recognized that ive been hurt before, and targets me because of it. i hate when i share my weaknesses with someone and they use it to manipulate me and harm me even more. its happened more times than id like to admit. usually im not too burdened by my scars. the weights on my shoulders have settled into a dull ache. but then, like tripping over a pebble and splitting my brain on the curb, all it takes is one person with ill intentions to send me into another state of constant aching. i want to be stronger. i want to be less trusting. but how could feeling less love be beneficial? when such simple, unassuming kindnesses from others send me into a joyful daze? i love the world, i love people, i love the glimpses of warmth in a vast, cold sea. if i dont let myself feel things then i cant enjoy things either. so i let myself stay soft, and trusting, and far too genuine far too early. i wouldnt trade the love for anything else. if i can continue to feel love then i can handle any pain. anyways im high as all fuck and in therapist mode really badly so im gonna stop spilling my guts on a public website full of people i want to like me and not think im weird. like yeah okay idgaf about EVERY tumblr users opinion but like i have friends on here and potential friends and irl friends that see my posts. i want them to like me because i love having these connections, no matter how brief. im doing it again im just gonna hit post and hope for the best
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hellawut · 7 months
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Dear Ashley
What am i doing with my life; i used to have dreams and plans. I was supposed to go to California after high school. My life was supposed to be different, i had ideas and plans and a vision. I can still remember dad laughing about it, him telling me how I'd never make it and how expensive it was. Which from the outside looking in that might not seem so terrible but that was an always thing. No matter what I wanted to do there was never any support; it was either no interest/reaction or it was just a reminder that it didn't matter because I wouldn't succeed at it. I wish i did things differently growing up, that i fought back less or that i was an easier child to have around. I wonder all the time what my life would be like if I had the kind of relationship most kids with with their parents, like K & J. HC used to say i hated my sisters because of their relationship with my dad which is not even fair to put on someone. I dont hate my sisters for anything, especially not for the way my parents treat them.I do however keep them at arms length because they will never understand that we lived two very different lives. They don't know the JB & HC i know, they don't live the same life i did. My therapist says I need to cut them off, that I will never be a part of their island and he's right, I know for a fact he's right. I've been thinking about that for years honestly, going no contact with them but i know that it won't just be cutting off my parents it will be my sisters and likely the rest of my family too. After all, they are all HCs family. No loyalty is owed to me and they have made that insanely clear through the years….i guess dr LS was right. I really am on my own island. 
Moments like this I really wish you were around, I wish I had a mom I could call to comfort me when I'm feeling broken. HC is great dont get me wrong but we don't have that unbreakable internal connection where its like my pain is her pain ya know. With HC it's more like my pain is to her “something new everyday” so you learn to shut up and internalize everything.I know nothing can be changed so there's no good reason to constantly think about all this but i can't help it. In another life would i be happy? Would you have never left me? I don't know, i'd like to believe yes but i know that's the child in me holding on to the last bit of her mommy because i'd like to imagine in another life, in another blessing of getting to do this crazy shit again, you would be my mom and i'd be everything you needed in a daughter to stay. 
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i feel exhausted watching all the mental gymnastics you’re doing in order to justify interacting with pedophiles as a grown adult (yes, a grown adult, you’re not a child at 20 years old.) like, you can’t just admit that it was a shitty thing to do that you did for selfish reasons? i don’t think you’re scum of the earth or anything but jesus take some responsibility
I dont think it was that shitty. Ripping off decent people who commissioned respectable art would have been a shitty thing to do. I took money from people who wanted descriptions of children being raped and never delivered on a product. This wasn't something I advertised, I just advertised that I was a writer and these men came to me themselves with requests so disgusting that I eventually had to stop for my own mental health. Maybe I should have just told them to fuck off instead of saying "sure Ill write that for $200" and taking their money, it would have led to a few shorter conversations but once the request was made I kind of felt like I was owed the money regardless of my lack of intention to fill the order just for hearing their gross shit. I didn't advertise "Hey Pedos if u want a pedo story ill write one for you" like I said any girl who does sex work gets propositioned by pedophiles eventually, usually through some cultural loophole like "I want u to be a girl scout and sell me cookies" or "I want you to be the student and Im the teacher and u need ur grade changed" or "u have pigtails and a stuffed animal and are calling me daddy" like these are not even uncommon requests but if I had to hear them anyway since I was advertising my services as an erotica writer and people would come into my inbox unsolicited and make these gross requests i decided i could either get upset and gain nothing or allow myself to be exposed to a little more upsetting talk in exchange for enough money to stay high for a week. If pretending not to be freaked out for the 20 minutes it took to get him comfortable enough to send the money was how I was getting high that day, thats what I was going to do. My only regret is not just getting their addresses/pretending to arrange a meetup and smashing their skulls in with a hammer. But I didn't "entertain pedophiles" I did the opposite, they paid me for entertainment and i took their money and bounced, the pedophiles gained nothing from these interactions and on average lost about $200 a pop. It was completely selfish and immature and I got in way in over my head and wound up having a breakdown and having to be hospitalized its nothing I would do today because I know better but at the time enough of my friends were strippers/FSSWs I had the encouragement of my social circle and was told that what I was doing was empowering and that I was punishing these guys for being pedos by swindling them and in a way it felt like I was taking the power back from the men who victimized me but i didn't like do cybersex with these guys or anything I presented myself very professionally and had a form for order requests like it wasn't like I had to have extended contact with these guys but my brain wasn't thinking "oh my god, a pedophile, what a shocking thing to deal with" it was thinking "$200 is a lot of money to do essentially nothing" again I admit that it was selfish and immature and I was deep in the libfem rabbit hole so I was being cheered on by anybody who I informed of my activities and told that I was "empowering myself" but like I said these were not long conversations it was "are u taking commissions" "yes, 5000 word story for $200 or $100 per 1k words, please fill out the form of my profile" and theyd fill out the form detailing the gross shit they wanted, sometimes I didnt even read them especially toward the end but these were not extensive interactions this was a 6 message exchange very cut and dry and professional I didn't have to do anything to get these gross moids comfortable dropping what I would have made in a week working retail on disgusting "erotica" and i knew the more disgusting/taboo the easier I could threaten these guys with exposure if they tried to demand a refund. IDK im not going to say im ashamed of robbing people who deserved to be robbed but it certainly isnt something id re-involve myself in.
But Id be more ashamed if Id done something like steal a $5 bill off a desk in an unlocked bedroom to afford drugs or overcharged a freshman while middle-manning. I never fucked over anybody who didn't 100% deserve it
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leedosbunnyboy · 2 years
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Juyeon; Until The World Collapses Around Us
Table of Contents | Chapter 2
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(Warnings: cursing, apocalyptic themes, mentions of blood and death, Juyeon's younger brother is called Kihyun in this, and this chapter follows Juyeon.)
The dark haired man awoke from his slumber to what he thought was just another day. Little did he know today was anything but normal.
He did his regular routine. Get up, brush his teeth, take a shower, do his hair, and then get ready for his day.
As he was trying to find his shower playlist he completely disregarded the emergency warning he received. Opting to just play "Montero" and cleanse himself in the shower.
As Juyeon happily sang along to the lyrics, he remained completely oblivious to the many incoming calls he was receiving. One from his mother, another from his father, yet another one from his younger brother, and so many more, but it's not they were answered, completely drowned out by Juyeon's loud music.
By the time he finished and finally checked his phone, he saw over 120 missed calls from his family all in the past 15 minutes. Confusion and concern both overtook his brain and he went through multiple possibles as to why his family would be so desperate to contact him, especially after what happened between them.
"Is today something important? Did I forget someone's birthday?!" Juyeon struggled to find a conclusion and simply decided to just call his mother back...
Only to be met with a voicemail.
"Oh come on! Dont tell me she's still mad." Juyeon huffed and tried again. Only to be met with the same result.
"Maybe dad will pick up." He reasoned and called his father. Only to yet again be greeted by voicemail.
"The fuck?! I swear if Kihyun doesn't pick up. I'm gonna be late to work." He whined and tried to call his brother. Only to find himself met with another voicemail.
"What do they want anyways?!" Juyeon yelled out to no one in particular, and went through the voicemails his family left in his inbox.
He scrolled for a bit before finding the first one and clicked on it to listen.
"Juyeon, please pick up! I don't know what's going on, but there's these things. I don't what they are or what they want but it's definitely not good!" Juyeon's mother desperately pleaded throughout the call.
"The fuck?" Juyeon stared at his phone for a sec before playing the second one from his father.
"Juyeon, son, I dont know if you're experiencing the same thing, but these monsters are everywhere! They're killing people off the street! Oh God! They got Ms. Park!" Juyeon's ears perked up the mention of the name.
Ms. Park was the kind lady who was their neighbor for all of Juyeon's life. She was so sweet and would always give him and his brother candy. She would also praise Juyeon's looks and would always talk about how he would be such a "lady's man." Even after Juyeon moved out, she would still call him on occasion and ask if he had a girlfriend yet. "Geuss they never told her." He would think whenever she did bring up the topic. But what was his dad talking about?! Monsters? And they got Ms. Park? What in the world does that mean?!
"Hyung please, I know you're probably still mad. But just listen, stay safe and we all love you. Oh God! They got inside-!" His brother's cryptic words cut off before Juyeon could take any of them in.
"Juyeon sweetie. I'm so sorry for what happened. Just know, I love you with all my heart!" His mother's words were cut off by the sound of her terrified screams followed by the sound of crunching.
"Son, I'm sorry for what we did. I love you son." His dad said before assumably meeting the same fate as his mother and son.
"What the hell are they talking about?! It isn't even April, why are they playing like this?!" Juyeon struggled to get his own words out as he felt tears forming in his eyes at his family's words.
He immeadiatly went to the nearest news articles and discovered exactly what he was dreading most.
《ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY, HOSTILE MONSTERS ARE OVERTAKING AND KILLING PEOPLE! LOCK AND BARRICADE ALL ENTRANCES AND STAY SAFE! MORE NEWS AS WE LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING!》
Juyeon scrolled through the website and found plenty of photos and videos of these creatures killing and brutalizing people and he realized that his family must've met the same fate.
Juyeon's vision grew blurry as tears flooded his eyes and he collapsed to the ground.
He didn't get much time to grieve as his window was broken by a strange red tentacle.
Juyeon backed up in fear as a head full of eyes peered in through the now broken window. Slowly craning its neck as if it was searching got something. It kept a calm and steady composure, until its many eyes landed upon Juyeon's cowering figure.
It immediately charged in and made a mad dash towards the fearful man. Juyeon scooted away just in time for it to slam its head straight into the dry wall, momentarily stunning it as it struggled to remove its head from the wall.
Juyeon took advantage of its current vulnerability and as soon as it dislodged its head, he struck it with the toilet tank lid. The creature let out a horrific squeal as the lid cracked over its skull. It was bleeding heavily, but was definitely not dead, if anything, it was just angrier.
It charged towards Juyeon with newfound rage, but it was still groggy from the previous head trauma, so its movements were slower than usual. Using this to his advantage, Juyeon played a deadly game of Matador and led the terrifying beast straight into his shower's glass door. Its head smashed through the door and then again into the wall. Fortunately, a particularly large fragment of glass fell perfectly to decapitate the monster. Juyeon thought it was quite ridiculous really, that the glass would fall at just the right angle and force and land perfectly on the thing's neck, but it's not like he's gonna complain about being saved.
Taking a minute to just lie on the floor and breathe, Juyeon mindlessly scrolled through his Instagram. Looking to see if his friends were alive only to see them getting brutalized on their stories or posts. He scrolled through his DMs to see if anyone was active, unfortunately, none of them had been active since 8:45 which is when he assumed this had all started.
He was about to lose hope before his eyes landed upon a small green dot beside a profile pic of a panda. As if his fingers had a mind of their own, they immeadiatly tapped upon the profile.
"(M/n) (L/n)
21
He/Him
Just trying to live life tbh."
(M/n) (L/n)? As in the (M/n) (L/n) from elementary school? Juyeon is suprised he even managed to remember the name.
Juyeon's fingers landed upon the most recent post.
It was incredibly simple, but precise. Just white words against a black background. "Is anyone alive out there?" It read.
Juyeon quickly liked the post and decided to leave a comment, but was interrupted by the all-too familiar screech of those creatures outside his window.
He had to get out of here...
And fast...
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Just Get Out
Prompt: After John dies, Dean and Sam take it upon themselves to look after you, but...
Dean: 18
Sam: 14
Y/N: 7
Word Count: 2,030
   It's just been a month since your dad, John Winchester died, and all you have left family wise are your older brothers Sam and Dean. You didn't know what death really meant since you are so young, but your brothers knew, and they knew too well. Since you were seven your dad didn't really let you in on what he and your brothers did, all you know is that you and sometimes Sam get left at a motel for a while and they come back bloody and bruised. So when John died, Sam and Dean don't really talk as much as they used to, but for you, they really do try.
  What you did know is how to practically annoy the hell out of them...well...sometimes. You are mostly a good kid according to Sam, who decided to take on the 'motherly' role, and Dean the 'fatherly' role. When Dean turned 18, he decided on his own to drop out of high school, but you and Sam are still in school, and Sam plans to keep it that way.
  Okay now onto the story
  Its 7:36pm, Sam went to the library for homework, so tonight is just you and Dean. You and Dean are in the kitchen and hes making dinner while you sit on the kitchen table. "Alright Y/N, we don't got much tonight, so I'm making mac and cheese...the good kind, not the kind Sam makes," Dean says with a tiny smirk.
  "But De, I don't want macky cheese, I want chicken!" You say with a small but excited voice. Dean turns back to you, frowns and says "Y/N, we dont have chicken, this is all we got until Sam goes to the store."
  "Wait what!?!?! But De I want chicken now!!" you say filled with whine and a little bit of sass. 'geez I really don't want to deal with this right now,' Dean thinks to himself "Y/N please, just reason with me tonight, I'll make Sam go to the store tomorrow," He says sounding defeated. Oh but hell no, in your tiny seven year old brain, you knew what you had to do
Step 1: Be quiet and wait like a good sister
Step 2: Once De is done and sets food in front of you
Step 3: PUSH IT OFF ON THE FLOOR
Step 4: Wait hold on-
Step 5: Why does De look like hes about to ye-
  "Fucking hell, really Y/N!? You cant be fucking serious, what the hell was that for?" Dean yells at you. "De I said I wanted-" But he cut you off and said "I JUST TOLD YOU THIS IS ALL WE GOT" He says louder than his first statement. Now your'e shaken, but you know it takes more to make you cry.
  "I don't care! I don't want macky cheese De!"
  "Y/N, just get out"
...This is the calmest hes been all week
  "Wha-"
  "JUST GET THE HELL OUT" Dean practically screams.
  Okay now that there is starting to make you cry
  You quickly get off of the kitchen chair and you bolt to the stairs where all the bedrooms are. But of course you have to turn around and yell
  "I WISH DAD WAS HERE, HE WOULD GET REAL MAD IF YOU YELLED AT ME!" and then you run up the stairs and slam your door shut, locking it in the process. _______________________________________
  'Great that's just fuckin' perfect,' Dean thinks to himself. 'What the hell am I supposed to tell Sammy? Oh yeah, I screamed at Y/N because she wouldn't comply, and now foods all over the floor and I think I'm having a meltdown!'
  'Sometimes I wish I never came here!' you think to yourself, pretty much sobbing while laying down on your bed. 'wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want me here too-."
  You fall asleep shortly after the thought and Dean couldn't be any more relieved when he hears the door open and to see Sam with his backpack in one arm and a couple books in the other hand.
  "Hey whats-...what happened?" Sam says slowly putting his backpack on the floor. Sam staring at Dean and all the food that's on the floor around him "oh, haha, this? oh, its nothing Sam, just a minor fuckin' mishap!" Dean says laughing through each word with eyes that look like hes about to sob any minute.
  "....Dean?" Sam asks. Its been a while since there was major conflict... well since the whole situation with Dad anyways. "Was it Y/N?"
  "What? No of course not, this is just a normal Friday fuckin night....yeah just, don't worry 'bout it" Dean says with his voice dying down a little bit.
  "Should I go talk to her?" Sam asks. such a small voice but its filled with a lot of concern.
  "No, she's asleep...maybe later?" Dean says back to him. 'He seems tired' Sam thinks to himself. 'Well I did leave her here with him...' _______________________________________
  You wake up pretty early... well early for you anyways, its 9:30am and you got woken up to puffy red eyes and really messed up hair. You go ahead and leave your bedroom and when you enter the kitchen you get greeted by Sam, who is making breakfast.
  "Morning sunshine," Sam says with a slight happy tone, but still pretty monotone. 'he's trying, that's a good thing' you think to yourself.
  "Morning..." you say back, rubbing your eyes and climbing up onto the chair near the kitchen table. "So...wheres De?" you ask in a sleepy tone. "He's more or less still asleep" Sam replies. Sure enough right when Sam says that, Dean walks in all sleepy-like too. 'so similar' Sam thinks. "Morning to you too sunshine" Sam says with a pretty wide grin afterwards. "Bite me, princess" Dean shoots back, also with a small smirk.
  You look at Dean, Dean looks at you, and a couple seconds later you two look away, but the stare you two gave felt like it was forever.
  "Hi" you managed to squeak out. Without meaning to, you were quiet and a little bit nervous.
  "Hey" Dean replies, but not looking at you, instead looking at the table, then to his hands, and then to Sam.
  "Hey Sammy, do you think dad had any hunts that he wrote down in his journal for us to do?" Dean asks. Looking around Dean finds your dads journal on the couch in the living room. He picks it up and skims through the pages.
  "I...don't know? Dad never talked to me personally about hunts, just you" Sam says as a matter-of-factly. Sam sets your breakfast down in front of you, and a plate for Dean on the other side of the table. "Why?" Sam asks.
  "Because I want to hunt? We haven't in a while and you know dad will tear us a new one if he sees us on our asses doing nothing," Dean proclaims, in a slight aggressive manner, though it was almost accidental.
  "But he's...not here," you say out loud without meaning to. You look up to see Sam and Dean both looking at you, and right then you look back down. While looking down you hear footsteps, and right when you look back up, you see Dean staring right at you. 'The eye contact is unbearable' you think to yourself
  "Just because hes dead, doesn't mean we can just fuck around and do nothing," Dean says with so much venom you begin to shake a little.
  "Dean. Back. Up." Sam says, looking at Dean with an angry look and his teeth practically glued together. Sam takes Deans shoulder and yanks him back, and he makes Dean bend down so he can whisper something into his ear.
  "I know you and Y/N have this personal issue going on right now, but I'll be damned if I ever hear you talk to her like that again, hear me?" Sam whispers, he lets go of Dean shoulder and looks at Dean. Dean looks back at him, looks at you, looks at Sam again, and nods, running his hand through his hair.
  "Good," Sam says quietly. Sam walks towards you and bends down, "When you're finished with your breakfast, head on up to your room, you're not in trouble, but I'll talk with you later, okay?" Sam tells you,
  "Okay" You say, looking at Sam. You finished your breakfast rather quickly. During that time, Dean went into his own room, and Sam went out into the backyard to do whatever he does, you're not really sure. You put your dirty plates into the sink and you fast walk to your room, and you quietly shut your door. _______________________________________
  Waiting.....sucks. You have no clue how long you waited for Sam but it felt like forever. In reality it was probably like thirty minutes, but thirty minutes to a seven year old is all day.
  You begin to space out when you hear a small knock on your door. You jump a bit because you didn't really expect it since you didn't know when Sam would come by.
  You get up off your bed and you begin to walk to your door when the door was already opening. you stop and look up
  "...Dean?" You ask. 'uh-oh' you think to yourself. You walk back a little bit and he sits down on your bedroom floor and holds his arms out for you to come sit in his lap. He hasn't said a word yet you heard exactly what he is wanting to ask.
  You look at him. He looks at you. Both have no clue what to say to each other.
  You slowly walk towards him, and you climb into his lap, both getting comfortable in the process
  It had to have been like five minutes before Dean starts talking. "I'm sorry" he says to you. Smiling, you start talking too. "Me too" you say and you look up to see Dean beginning to tear up.
  Okay now its time to panic
  Dean crying is something that you never see so...you begin to tear up too.
  "De? Are you okay?"
  "I wish Dad was here, He would get real mad at me if he saw the way I was acting" Dean says. "Wouldn't be surprised if he beat my ass, just because I'm eighteen, doesn't mean shit to him" he says with a small laugh after the comment.
  "Well I think you're doing a good job" You say to him quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. "Just because you're eighteen, doesn't mean you aren't bad at being a brother, neither is Sam" You add.
  Dean, trying not to just sob in front of you, breaths in and breaths out a couple of times.
  "You're seven, when did you become so smart?" Dean asks hugging you rather tightly
  You giggle at his comment and say, "I'm your sister, I had to have learned something from you."
  "Good answer" Dean says.
  Without knowing, Sam is leaning on the door frame, with his arms crossed looking at you and Dean with the biggest smile ever. "Hey," Sam says and makes both you and Dean jump slightly, Sam giggles and that and continues,
  "The garage called, they want you to come in and help fix a 67' Mustang," Sam says.
  "Oh whaaat," you whine. you begin to get off of Dean so he can go to his job when he quickly snatches you back up, gets up off of the ground and throws you over his shoulders.
  "How do you feel about coming with me? Who knows maybe-"
  "Will Seth be there?" You ask excitedly. (For some backstory, John's long time friend Seth works where Dean works, and ever since you met Seth, you've practically 'fallen in love' with him)
  "More than likely, he likes old cars like we do," Dean replies. "Yes! okay come on, lets go, come on, come on, come on" You say, trying to hurry up Dean,
  "Okay, okay, lets go" Dean laughs while replying. You two leave the room, and Sam closes your door. Again, with a big smile on his face, Sam starts thinking to himself, 'Yeah, everything will be okay'
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