#i also see no need for a show of endless tragedy to be this long. like. they are experiencing the SAME trauma repeatedly. what does it add?
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To give credit to the last of us for its queer rep, it’s not just queer characters who have tragic/bittersweet endings. Literally everyone (siblings, parent and child, heterosexual) queer or not, has tragic endings. The older queer couple gets the best one out of all of them.
I guess? I mean, it is certainly much better than if they were the only characters to die in the storyline. But people were on tumblr talking about how theirs was a happy queer story. And I think it is the misleading discussion around these characters that bothers me even more than the writing. Like if I had watched that episode instead of looking up the plot summary, I would have had a meltdown at the end when they both died because I truly had gotten the impression that it was going to be a happy story.
But now that I've mentioned the writing:
It's nice that they live till their 70s. It's nice that they get 20 beautiful years together. And it's a bit fucked that the writers felt the need to end those 20 long years on-screen with a terminal illness and suicide in the same episode they are introduced. It would have been incredibly easy to just say that those men get to live on past the end of the episode. There are a million reasons those men could have continued living in the story.
But that's the thing about a show like this. I think there is a distinct possibility that this show is actually incapable of writing a satisfying happy ending.
Craig Maizin, the show's writer, gained acclaim recently with Chernobyl, proving that he is apparently excellent at writing a long, horrifying tragedy in which character struggle only to find there is no way out.
(His other main credits are The Hangover sequels and the Scary Movie sequels, most of which I haven't personally seen, so make of that what you will.)
But more than the writer's background, the show itself troubles me. It has this repeated mantra in it that goes, "when you're lost in the darkness, look for the light." Which is a cool phrase.
But I have reason to suspect that this writer genuinely doesn't know how to write the light. I have no reason to believe he does. I hope I am wrong.
But when you write episode after episode after episode that is an endless inescapable slog of tragedy and desperation - and then advertise it to me, a sick queer person actually living through a pandemic and trying to escape disease and poverty - well.
I think a better writer would include moments of light and hope beyond just trauma bonding. Moments that don't end in death.
When my wife writes about characters in awful situations, there are still these moments of genuine loveliness and fun and joy between the characters; these moments remind the reader what is worth actually fighting for, living for. Imagine! Entire chapters in a post-apocalyptic novel in which characters don't undergo a "hacking someone to death with a cleaver" level of trauma!
But the fact that Bill and Frank still had to die even after an earnest attempt to tell a beautiful love story....
I fear that the light the story ends with - if there is any - will be as dim and desaturated as the show itself. And personally, I am at a point in my life where I don't care to see a story like that.
It's fine if you do like it. It doesn't matter to me if you find beauty in a tragic queer love story. There are places for that in this world. But it is tragic. I am sure of that. And I wish I hadn't been seeing posts saying otherwise, ya know?
And I hope I am wrong about the writer. But I see cracks in the premise. Like in Stranger Things. There was always a promise of light that kept me watching, but it never seemed to come. Instead, the misery and trauma continued to stack and compound for the lead characters, like in TLOU. But... does the writer know how to make that worth it, for us, for the audience - for me? I don't think he does.
I think it very possible that the light isn't really coming for Ellie and Joel in a way that provides catharsis because I have noticed that on shows with no intermittent joy and hope, this is too often the case.
But I do hope I'm wrong. Because if I am right, then a lot of mentally ill fans will leave the experience more depressed than if they hadn't watched it at all.
But for my own part, I'll just continue to skim through the show for monster design ideas. And also I'll say that everyone should watch Infinity Train - ESPECIALLY season 2 of Infinity Train, if they'd like to see a story in which people actually DO find a light that makes the whole journey feel worth it.
#original#tlou#the last of us#bill and frank#writing#writing analysis#again i don't care if you like the show or not. you can like the show. it is well made. but that is NOT a happy queer ending.#it is not a happy story to me. i know it isn't AS BAD as it could've been but also.... i don't care#my money is on 'joel dies and ellie is so traumatized by the experience that she is basically non functional'#look for the fucking light i guess. wheeeeeeee#infinity train#mt infinity train#lake infinity train#seeing a story in which a character escapes a seemingly inescapable situation GENUINELY made me feel like there was hope for me#and i have personally found that the opposite has an opposite effect#tragedies have a purpose. but i fear sometimes the tragedy in some shows is just there bc the writer feels there must be 4 tragedies per ep#but like. trauma in a story - added just for the sake of extra trauma - it is a red flag for where this story is going#bly manor#FUCKING BLY MANOR MY ARCH FOE#i also see no need for a show of endless tragedy to be this long. like. they are experiencing the SAME trauma repeatedly. what does it add?#ellie loses ANOTHER friend horribly! like. okay. we've... already seen that? why is this one worthy of screen time other than you CAN?
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I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about season 3 of The Witcher, but one thing is for certain, I'm loving Jaskier's progression as a character.
I think it goes without saying that a huge turning point for Jaskier was his falling out with Geralt on the mountain in season 1. As I read his character at that point, he was quite in love with Geralt, and very much suffering from the belief that he wasn't enough for Geralt in any sense of the word, not as a lover, a friend, or a traveling partner. You see this insecurity ramp up throughout the entirety of the season 1 finale, and to think Geralt hadn't noticed that was lunacy. He did, which was part of the problem. Geralt needed to lash out, he needed someone to lash out at, and there Jaskier was, already wounded, the easiest of targets, and Geralt goes full savanna apex predator on his ass. Then he left him, on a mountain, that he knew Jaskier didn't know how to traverse safely. He said fuck off, and also die.
Jaskier could have crumbled, and for awhile, he probably did. But this led to a key moment of character development, because it caused Jaskier to take himself out of Geralt's shoes and get back into his own. To introspect. And Jaskier realized that he was enough, that he'd done a lot for Geralt, and that Geralt's refusal to embrace his own humanity while still wanting Jaskier as a friend resulted in him becoming an emotional punching bag. And Jaskier, rightfully pissed off after reaching these conclusions, channeled that anger into the post-break-up banger of the century, Burn Witcher Burn. But at the core of what ultimately makes Jaskier one of the most sympathetic and relatable characters in this show, is that he didn't do it so much as he was angry, but because he wanted Geralt to hear it. Because his songs are how he expresses what can't be spoken. The tragedy of Jaskier's character is that he was always going to forgive Geralt. That he was always going to drop what he was doing to trail this man with an affection even Yennefer doesn't easily mock, because it would be entirely too cruel. He wrote that song so Geralt would come and say he was sorry and Jaskier could go back to settling for scraps of his time.
So then we come to season 3, and enter Radovid. Enter the first person Jaskier's met in 30 long years that intrigues him as much as Geralt, and he's absolutely taken off his guard by that sentiment being returned after he's spent over half his life accepting something like that could never happen for him. He's 50 years old. Jaskier has accepted his fate of endless pining at this point. So when Radovid asks him to sing a song about his white-haired witcher, Jaskier slips up. He reveals too much, and it gives Radovid the chance to say exactly what Jaskier needed to hear.
"Does the witcher know how lucky he is to have you?"
I imagine it's rare for Jaskier, who spends his life finding the right words for others, that someone would find the right words for him. It's little wonder he was so immediately fascinated by Radovid, and so immediately heartbroken.
For 3 seasons and multiple decades, we see Jaskier's entire character formed by the hurt he endures being part of Geralt, Yennefer, and Cirri's life. And despite all that hurt, all the rejection, the betrayal, the torture, harassment, manipulations, and political intrigue we see Jaskier progressively becoming a better and better person. He helps Geralt, Yennefer, he helps the elves as the Sandpiper, and watches Cirri without a word of complaint. He throws himself into any dangerous situation asked of him, and helps Yarpen's men. He doesn't let the pain make him bitter. He still thinks love is beautiful, even when it hurts. He drinks, he fucks, he makes merry. He writes sad songs about Geralt.
Jaskier's development, his portrayal as a character, has been a true highlight of this series.
I sometimes think the djinn, in some cruel last jab at Jaskier and Yenn, used them both in Geralt's wish as a form of punishment. For Jaskier, his punishment for wanting so much, so quickly, was to spend his life wanting the one thing he couldn't have. That thing being Geralt, because to punish Yen, who so badly wanted control of her own destiny, he tied it to Geralt's. It's like a magical ouroboros of misery. And for Geralt, who tried to put a stop to the madness, the djinn rewarded him with the thing he wanted most. A family. A wife, a daughter, and a best friend who would never leave. It's some dark and complicated shit, and I think it rings true to the tone of the story itself.
Never has any character in this history of everything deserved to bone a hot Redanian prince more.
#The Witcher#Geraskier#Radovid#Jaskier#Geralt#Yennefer#Joey Batey#Henry Cavill#anya chalotra#freya allan
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(Repost)
Azul Ashengrotto as Your Boyfriend💜🪸🐚🐙💜
fluffy, fem/neutral!reader
(Sorry it ended up so long I could just talk about this smexy man all day) Remember to drink water <3
Azul had heard a lot about the human world, but only ever experienced it when he enrolled at Night Raven College. That being said, he's totally enthralled with human objects. He loves collectables, novelty items, knick-knacks and anything of the sort. His love and fascination with our material goods shows when he gives you the most random things. "Look at this vintage set I found at an auction." "I saw a what's it called? Ah, snow globe. Look, there's a cat inside that looks like Grim, do you like? It's for you." It's a very endearing trait he has which is exclusive only to you. When he goes shopping you're also on his mind and just adores sharing his finds with his love.
Similarly, your own fascination with his world has led Azul to gift you things from the sea. Beautiful pearl necklaces of whatever color you like, conch shells of different sizes and types, endless seashells, rare gemstones found near the waters, magical items, and if you're into antiques, he'll go retrieve lost items from the sea buried within shipwrecks or dropped by people.
Besides the miscellaneous gifts Azul loves buying you clothes. At first it caught you by surprise, but you realized it was apart of his attraction to our things. "In the sea we don't have a need for clothing, but up here you humans can express yourselves in so many ways. So I thought this dress might look rather nice on you, hm?"
He's the same with perfumes. He just loves spoiling you in all the material things he can find that don't exist in the deep blue.
His office literally has all of the gifts you got him spread out in it on shelves and his desk. He constantly thinks of you, even at work, and treasures everything you make/get him, wanting to keep it forever where he can always see and remember you.
One of his favorite activities with you is reading messages in bottles he finds from the ocean. You're always surprised at how many there are, but you both realize it's actually a pretty big hobby among people even today. Old bottles are especially interesting, its contents mostly containing stories of love and tragedies. You help explain to Azul how people up here think and behave when something doesn't make sense to him (which is pretty often considering how contradicting people are). You collect them to avoid polluting the waters but keep them somewhere safe and respectfully.
He absolutely loves taking you into the waters with him. Whether in human or mer-form. If you love to swim then it isn't much of a surprise to have him as your boyfriend, but if you can't swim or are afraid to Azul will teach you how and be the absolute best, sweetest teacher. Bonus if you watch the sunset together while leisurely swimming or sitting on the sand, it's quite romantic, really. Expect the occasional water tag and playing around as Azul just can't help but tease you when he feels so confident in his natural environment. this may or may not end in some more intimate actions.
Ironically, Azul finds your voice mesmerizing. If he catches you singing while you think no one is around, he WILL stay hidden just to continue listening. "You sing like a siren my dear." "Are you sure you aren't the one who's put me under your spell?" He may come up behind you quietly, wrapping his arms around your waist gently in an embrace while taking in the soft smell of your hair. "Please, don't stop now, I do so enjoy listening to you."
While transformation magic from mer-person to human is more commonly done, transforming a person into the latter is more difficult, but not impossible. The first time you decide to transform into a mermaid , it catches Azul by surprise. You really want to immerse yourself into his world and live in the sea for however long. After much consideration you decide to do it. Who would have thought your tail would be so beautiful. The way your hair flows, you glide effortlessly across the waters, the iridescent scales of your tail reflecting in colorful arrays. Maybe you are a siren. Azul can't decide if he loves you more like this or as a human. You're just too beautiful no matter what.
You two swimming across Atlantica is like a dream; so deeply in love. You get to explore so many amazing things and bond with him in ways you never could have imagined. He shows you all of the different kind of fish, corals, you get to swim with dolphins and sharks, visit different mer-cities. Expect Azul to blow you bubble hearts and kisses because he really can be that cute sometimes.
extra fun if the twins tag along.
His skin, like the twins, is also perfectly soft and radiant. Your hands love to be on him. You caress his cheeks, massage him, rub your thumb over his palm while holding hands. You're almost jealous at how good his skin is! Of course Azul is more than willing to return the favors of touch. You two enjoy long cuddles and hugs.
Honestly, Azul is a 100/10 boyfriend and when he isn't destroying unsuspecting people with his contracts he's just infatuated with you beyond description and if he could he would love on you constantly all day everyday. His soft side is ONLY for you, his gentle touches and kisses, his thoughtful words, the teasing, sweet nothings. Sometimes the dichotomy of this man shocks you, but maybe that's one of the reasons you love him so much.
"The sea witch was defeated by the mermaid and human in the end. Some say it was true love which was strong enough to end her, I used to laugh at that thought, now, I'm beginning to understand its true power."
💙💜💚💜💙💚💜💙💚💜💙💚
#azul ashengrotto#night raven college#twst azul#azul x reader#octavinelle#disney twst#disney twisted#disney twist#disney twisted wonderland#twsted wonderland#twst x reader#twst#twst wonderland#twisted wonderland
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New Hozier album comes out in 10 days so here's some Hozier lyrics I can imagine Apollo writing.
I am YEARNING and I am GAY and y'all are gonna have to DEAL WITH IT.
You don't have to sing it nice / But honey sing it strong / At best you'll find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along
- To Noise Making (Sing)
A song about singing and the joy it can bring? God of music written all over it.
I wouldn't know where to start, sweet music playing in the dark / Be still, my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me
- Almost (Sweet Music)
I can just see him singing this while falling in love with someone.
When, my, time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold hard earth / No grave can hold my body down / I'll crawl home to her
- Work Song
And I can see him singing this while being in love with someone. Also the weight of an immortal singing about devotion after death is v interesting to me, especially when it comes to our poor has-almost-died-and-actually-died-more-times-than-any-other-immortal Apollo.
With each love I cut loose I was never the same / Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame / I was fixed on your hand of gold / Laying waste to my lovin' long ago
- Would That I
Apollo's endless cycle of love and tragedy? More likely than you'd think.
When I was a man, I thought it ended / When I knew love's perfect ache / But my peace has always depended / On all the ashes in my wake
-Arsonist's Lullaby
Apollo's endless cycle of love and tragedy? More likely than you'd think.
All that I've been taught / And every word I've got / Is foreign to me
- Foreigner's God
In a general sense, I think this could refer to how different the rules of Olympus are to the rest of the world. Everything you're taught is right on Olympus means nothing as soon as you leave, and we see Apollo struggle with that in the books. But I also I like to relate these lyrics to the period right after the fall of Greece, when Apollo was likely torn between his people and the new invading force. Honestly I think that would be such an interesting time period to explore.
I couldn't utter my love when it counted / Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now / I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted / Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now
- Shrike
Apollo definitely has a lot he regrets about certain relationships, especially after the Trials. His open affection and love for his partners wars against his inability to show true vulnerability and "weakness", so I imagine that he's been very closed off to a lot of his lovers.
So I will not ask you where you came from / I would not ask and neither would you / Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips / We should just kiss like real people do
- Like Real People Do
Adding onto the last part (and this is entering headcanon territory) Apollo wants the love part of the relationship without the true vulnerability. He wants to be able to keep all of his walls up while still being truly loved, which is sadly kind of impossible. To me, it always seemed like Apollo was chasing the idea of being in love more than the person he's loving themselves. And this doesn't mean Apollo doesn't care about these relationships, in fact, he seems to throw his whole soul into them. He wants to love someone, he just isn't ready to be loved back.
The entirety of Jackie and Wilson and the entirety of Talk
They just fit man, idk
+ so much more but I'd have to write essays to fully explain how I feel about each one
I'll probably reblog this after I binge the new album with more so look forward to that.
#long post#sunny speaks#trials of apollo#toa apollo#lester papadopoulos#the majority of my headcanons about how Apollo acts in his relationships comes from Hozier if that's not obvious#Its the poetic phrasing + quiet desperation for love + being in awe of your partner + sadness behind each note + references to mythology#shut up sunny#headcanons
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With the recent happenings in Gotham War what r ur thoughts on it all? Me personally? I'm devastated for Jason!
Devastated, but also so excited! ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و This is a detail that I hope stays around for a while if only for the consequences to be explored in all their angst and drama-ridden glory.
Fair warning. Route thoughts below go from okay to deranged like, immediately. Also, stream of consciousness.
Potential Routes
(Reversal, Everything Hurts, Scarecrow, Basement)
Reversal: Bruce with all his endless failsafes rectifying the changes he forced on Jason. And while maybe he's gritting his teeth because Bruce knows the consequences (ie. 'letting Jason be a murderer again') it will be a gesture to show that he wants Jason and doesn't need to change him to love him.
Everything Hurts: Alternatively, Bruce only being able to love Jason because of this change he imposes on him. The tragedy in that. ;U; What's more, Jason having a spike of adrenaline and thus fear (terror, really) whenever Bruce comes near him. Because Jason recognizes Bruce as 'dangerous' and ahhhhhh.
The way this would jar Bruce and make him falter. Ugh, so good. So sad. He wanted to protect his boy and he ruined him, instead.
Scarecrow: Titans (2018) had a plotline with Jason and fear. Where he turned to an anti-fear drug to combat his fears and got swept up in a whole thing with Scarecrow who supplied him and it was really homoerotic omg like. This is a perfect set up for something like that to happen.
Bruce 'healing' Jason, only to devastate him worse. And to see Jason struggle with something so personal (drugs, addiction) would be really interesting to see. Him hurting to the point he goes down that route and being tormented for it.
How his friends, family, and Bruce would react as Jason spirals while trying to overcome this terror Bruce put in him. And ahhhhhhh let this boy break; let Scarecrow capitalize. Scarecrow doesn't need fear gas to fuck Bruce up - Batman has brought his fears to life by hurting his own boy to such an extent. ( ๑‾̀◡‾́)✨
OH! Bruce being put in a position to save the city or save his boy. A callback to Jason's time before he was killed by Joker. And ahhhhhhh copious amounts of fear because Jason learned this a long time ago: a hero will never love anything more than their cause.
And idk maybe Jason loses it and he gets a different sort of rogue!era for everyone to be mad about. (⭑•͈ 𓎟 •͈ )
Basement: Alternative to the 'Everything Hurts' Route. Where Bruce doesn't actually let Jason go to Metropolis to live that normal life because Bruce keeps him chained in a basement. Which would be such a solid callback and ouchie plot if this was AKverse and Jason suffered through that fate before. Just a constant registering of danger which leads to adrenaline and fear until Jason shuts down and Bruce can have his twisted wicked way with him ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)
Additional thoughts: brujay winning so hard (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧. Also, someone on that team is an avid omegaverse fan it's coded in there so hard ahhhhahahaha perfection.
#brujay#sad vibes#dark vibes#a little deranged#stream of consciousness hopefully this reads fine lol#hopefully i understood those panels I saw correctly too if not oh wow embarrassing hahaha orz
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fic rec friday 4
welcome to the fourth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
1. Flip by @icypantherwrites
A very important alliance hinges on Voltron’s ability to perform a Sambayee — a show of athleticism and grace — and Allura had believed she was Voltron’s best candidate. But the aliens do not want an alliance and set an impossible bar that Allura is horrified to realize she cannot reach. There is no way any one can.
Except, she learns, there is. And there is far, far more to Lance than she had once believed.
Gymnast Lance and Allura angst. What more do you need? Seriously, I love them both so much, and the fic treats them both with respect as friends (which can sometimes be tricky, but this does great!)
2. A Wider Universe by @spiralled-fury
Lance, separated from his team, his family, his home.
For them, it wasn't long.
For him, it was two years.
Two years of endless fighting.
New scars, new pain, new hatred.
And new feelings.
I don’t really need to rec this fic -- sixty thousand of us have read it. It’s the voltron epic of all voltron epics. BAMF Lance of all BAMF Lances, slowburn klance, MFE pilots with important parts to the story, and the best Lance & Red relationshop literally ever written.
3. The Cracks in Your Mask by @chyeahlex16
According to Lance, he has a great life. A large family full of younger kids running around a cozy house, a stern father and a strong, loving mother, a large dog full of love for his owners, lots of space to run around and grow in the backyard. Only light and happiness, no tragedy to speak of. But this is far from the truth.
They’ll never know. If he has anything to say about it, no one will ever know the real truth.
-
A journey following Lance as he comes to terms with his past and sexuality in a way he couldn't around his family on earth.
(Basically a very personal self-projection on Lance. Some material can be triggering, but I'm keeping it as vague as possible for obvious reasons.)
A major warning -- this fic is a very heavy deep-dive into the traumatising aftermath of childhood sexual assault. Lance, who was CSA’d as a child, is having more and more triggers in his every day life as a paladin. This story details his worsening spiral into his trauma, and his eventual snap and reliance on his team. It’s an excellent story, the team handles Lance with so much care, and it’s a really important story to read, I think (but, again, tread carefully).
4. Two Years On A Fucking Space Whale by vrepit_nah
After two years on a damn space whale, the Voltron team see Keith return to them. Lance missed Keith, and well, it seemed Keith didn't feel the same seeing as he brushed past Lance without even a 'Hi.'
Except, this isn't Voltron: The Show, but Voltron: My Retelling (And the one we all wanted.)
Keith changes his mind about ignoring Lance.
This is the reunion fic that we deserve! Sappy klance! Whipped Keith! Flustered Lance! I love reading this one when I need to feel better about season 6.
5. the electric synthesized pop ballad of why keith can’t have nice things by kay_cricketed
Keith can't have nice things. That's it. That's the story.
(Or, in which Keith slowly learns that sometimes the best family is the one you make, Pidge has strong feelings about peanuts, Lance has a secret but would've spoken up sooner if he'd known it would break Keith's brain, Hunk is the actual best, and Shiro is just relieved he didn't have to give anyone the Talk.)
Is this an ABO au? Yes. Am I a little embarrassed about it? Also yes. But I’ll be real, this fic is really good! It’s well written, it’s nonlinear -- which I love -- and it features absolute conniving shithead Lance, whom I adore. It’s a fun fic with interesting themes, including a big thing on trust, and I really recommend it.
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
#please dont discredit the last one okay i promise its great#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#langst#bamf lance#klance#longpost#tw csa#gymnast lance#team as family#fic rec#fic rec friday
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With the theme of Sandman being "change" it also makes me pity Death, since, by her very nature, she cannot change in the way that Delirium, Dream, or Despair can: hell, being "death", she's actually the catalyst for change (the transition from one life to another), but it is an experience that will personally always be walled off for her until the end of the universe (and even that's up for debate, given destruction and delirium theory that she will outlast everybody). The scene from "Books of Magic" where she comes to take Destiny and she's still the perky goth we knew from her first appearance, even at the end of literally everything, always sends a chill down my spine, in a weird sort of "I must scream" sort of way, how she's eternally locked into her role with no hope of changing.
are the endless not all, in their own way, a catalyst for change? it's kind of a bleak view of the universe (and missing the point of change or die) if death is the only avenue for that - i'd argue that the main theme of sandman is to change you have to live
and death has changed
i haven't read books of magic, but i have read winter's tale (and high cost of living/time of your life), and she wasn't always the perky goth
she struggled a lot with her role, early on, she felt detached from people and extremely bitter about how everyone always feared her, when she couldn't help what she was
it's the issue that her speech to dream in the show was copying, but one thing the comic has that the show doesn't is she straight up stopped
there was a time where nothing died, because she refused to take them anymore
but then she came to realise that that was hurting people more than when she did her job. and that it's normal to feel fear when you're dying, so she needed to be friendly and kind to them, help them through that transition, rather than resent them for being afraid of her
and she resolved that every hundred years she'd spend one day in mortal form, so she could never forget their perspective
every time she has that day, she experiences the world differently, she learns, she changes
she keeps the personality we see her with because that's the one she's made for herself, the one best equipped to deal with the massive stress of her job, fluid enough to cope with those changes and not be broken by them
but the reason she tries so hard to get through to dream is she's the one endless who's been where he is and come out the other side of it, better for it
but dream couldn't quite manage that
i don't think you're totally wrong here, there is a level of horror to it, but i don't think death is unique in that - every single one of the endless is a vehicle for change, and thus they all struggle to do it themselves
i've talked about this before but like. that is the inherent tragedy of the endless. they live for so long, and few of them even see their own existence as living, rather than just fulfilling their purpose. all of them are either close to their breaking point or have already passed it (except maybe destiny but given how the other six all have Problems i'm assuming we just don't get to see most of his struggle). and it's because they don't really experience their own aspect, they can't, because they are that thing. they're all missing a vital piece of being human. and death's one of maybe three (delirium and destruction) who've realised that the way to cope with that is to be more human, to live, and therefore change
(the reason she didn't leave like destruction did is she found a way to be human and do her job, and so far she's the only one who's been able to do both)
(but yeah when one sibling had to leave the family in order to change and another had to die because he just couldn't see how to - death's one of the more emotionally healthy people in this family)
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"Yo. I'm back." A certain Emperor walked into Shinji's hospital room where he was hooked up to a lot of machines meant to keep him alive. He was in a coma. The doctors said that his chances of waking up are slim. Akihiko forced a smile on his face as he sat down and looked at his friend.
"How long are you going to lie down? You're slacking off. Come on... get up." The longer he stared at him, the more he choked up. "Please... I won't fight for power anymore. I've learned my lesson. Just... please... wake up!" [It's today :3c Also, be sure to tag it as p3 spoilers just to be safe!]
--- The air was cold and uninviting. Though he had come time and time again to this place, there was no getting used to it. The room smelled of it's usual cleanliness, bitter and uncomfortably sterile. Aside from the constant noise form the monitors and air filters, it was uneasily quiet. Always uneasily quiet.
The curtains were drawn to a close as the night was drawn further by the hour, the the only light within the room came from a small lamp besides the bed, where the visitor's chair was.
The very air would feel irritated with each word that was spoken, before returning to that same routine of silence.
It was heavy.
It felt too heavy, sometimes.
Enough to make one choke.
Pleas continued to go unanswered. Prolonged bouts of anger and bargaining, too, lost their spark with time. But the ashes would always linger. Always. Only to spark right back up for the next visit.
An ongoing cycle.
A never ending nightmare.
Nothing felt like it was ever enough. Helplessness was no better a fitting name for such a place; stuck in that same time as the very moment that a bullet rang out within the dark hour.
Stuck... to the very minute detail. The overwhelming smell of iron, the endless pool of red staining a place that had once again seen another tragedy.
A feeling of a strong and steady grip loosening within Akihiko's own before it fell away. Without another complaint. Without that usual sharp gleam in those familiar eyes since they were young.
Eyes like unbending steel, suddenly dulling out to rust. Did they still look like that, even now? Would they? Questions remaining in limbo at the sheer fear of finding the worst conclusion.
Those hands, once rough and sturdy with experience, now dwindled down frail and cold. It was hard not to reminisce the sound of those hands chopping away at freshly washed greens, stirring in a hardy egg, or gently slicing down finely done meat for a hardy meal.
Even harder was it to erase the sounds of those all too familiar boots clicking in a rush to push others away from harm.
....
A voice tired and hoarse, scolding others for how they lacked taking care of their well beings, or awkwardly reminding them to eat their fill without shame.
...
Though the tubes helped him breath, and the monitors showed a somewhat stable rate; nothing described of the former could be seen now.
Just a husk.
Nothing but an empty personality.
No way to reassure him that everything would be okay.
The body that lay within those heavy sheets could not give him the solace he so desperately needed. The every one in the sees so desperately wanted.
There was no aspirations from him.
No joy or anger nor complaints.
Not even dreams.
Not for him.
Not for the one unable to awaken from a silenced state.
For those who still walked freely, however... there was hope.
For you,
At the very least,
Can keep going.
#P3 Spoilers#Spoilers -> Persona 3#[[ Ch -> Aragaki ]]#;;Akihiko#Persona 3 October 4 -> Spoilers#stg if this site ruins my format I will RIOT bro
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Hi hi it's given sanctuary anon again I've been busy with life and I come back to 3!! New chapters?? I feel so spoiled. I haven't entirely caught up yet but im just about tearing up over dreams talk with Lucienne. I have a soft spot for "Character realizes they've hurt those they care about, feels horrible about it, and tries to do better" and you write it so well! I read a lot of hob/dream fics so of course they are the focus, but theres so much to explore with Lucienne too! She probably bears the brunt of dreams moods and she still stands by him with nearly love and loyalty, (though it was so satisfying to see her actually be upset with him in the show) it's very mirrored to hobs situation i feel?
Aaah, my favorite Anon is back!! :D :D :D
It's funny, I was talking with my amazing beta @thornfield13713 a little about Dream's growth arc in the story. "Giving Sanctuary" really is about giving Dream an alternate redemption/growth arc from the canon storyline of "getting captured and tortured and forced to face his own flaws against the backdrop of losing everything" which sort of hampers his realization and growth because he's so wrapped up in rebuilding his realm and getting his tools back that the fact he's decided to change and be better towards people like Lucienne and Hob is sort of one change of many that's happening.
Because yes, as you say, Lucienne absolutely is a saint for bearing the brunt of Dream's acerbickness over the years.
(Cut for some "Giving Sanctuary" behind the scenes rambling)
Giving Sanctuary also bears at its heart the thesis that Dream's cruelty and callousness had strong roots in the loss of Orpheus. He could be spiteful and full of rage before that, as a capricious god, but the being who is exhausted of this world, contemplating ending his existence, and delights at the prospect of making Hob hate living as much as he does with the curse of immortality is a result of Orpheus's death. And thus, what breaks that shell and allows him to see what he has become is Hob reaching out a hand and commiserating with him over this shared pain.
And I admit, I agonize a bit over whether Dream is changing too quickly, but there is a Doylist element of "Maybe, but this is self-indulgent so he'll change as quickly as I damn well please, so long as I've earned it within the story" and a Watsonian "Well, the events of the show take place over a similarly short time so far, and Dream is super distracted from his own growth post-fishbowl with all the other stressful events. Maybe he would be apologizing, checking himself, trying to do better and be better with those who love him sooner if he had the space and will to do so."
Furthermore, GS takes place so far in very private, interior spaces, where Dream is, for the most part, only ever dealing with the few people who love him most and who most respect his privacy, and all of these interactions are happening in the kind of solitude Dream would want and need to begin to tentatively work towards making these overtures of improvement. Hob won't laugh at Dream for trying to be better with him, neither will Lucienne, and while Death might tease, she at least can pull rank if Dream gets bitchy about his pride with her.
But Dream of the Endless, Morpheus, the Lord of the Dreams and King of Nightmares is still there. We just don't see him as much in GS because we mostly see him through Hob's eyes and around those he's most motivated to make amends to, like Lucienne. But, in theory, if an enemy crossed his path, if a dream or nightmare challenged him, if a stranger mocked him for going soft, we would see just how much the Dream everyone knew is still very much there. He's only decided to be better with those closest to him. The tragedy of Dream's depression up to the point of GS is that it robbed him of even interacting with those who care for him in a positive manner, like Hob and Lucienne.
And at risk of spoilers, I will say that Dream (and Hob) still has a ways to go. We're going to see some emotional beats besides Dream and Hob being sweet and perfect to each other all the time, very soon. Doesn't mean they're not good for each other. Just means they're still human (sort of) and not all progress is made at once.
Lucienne is perfect, though. That's of course a given ;)
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SUCCESSION ENDING : MAJOR SPOILERS
below, i write about change, and succession as a war story 🎯
say what you want about succession's relationship with the theme of change, but that is something that each sibling does undergo, simply because they're human, and nothing else. it is fundamental to life itself. coming from the small and particular world of the 0.001%, this is ultimately a show about humanity. naturally, they can’t escape their limitations as human beings, due either to the cyclical nature of abuse, their lack of self control and emotional regulation, or to the fact that even the most evolved of human beings have their limitations and end up repeating mistakes too. it's why we all love stories about (albeit) interesting inevitabilities. that's what succession is. that's what war is. compromise is change, and their lives are changed forever after that board meeting. they are forced into compromising, their lives forced into a state of surrender. they've been in survival mode, in action, for so long, that just the act of surrender is already a stark change. they all act accordingly.
shiv’s vote comes from a place of narcissism on her part. it triggers a cascade of following narcissistic and violent reactions from the two brothers which leads to the reveal that no one in that room is evolved and balanced enough - now in the viewer’s eyes (all hail the beautiful manipulation of television) - to run that haunted house of a company. a company destined to be taken over by tech because that is its own forced compromise in the world. all of it comes down to change.
shiv’s vote is her sitting at that table and finding it impossible to bear the reality that it is not her at the top. she is the only one out of the three possessing the same vindictive maliciousness as logan, and we see that monster peer its head in that moment. she does it at first out of spite, as other characters in succession would normally do, but it’s only after kendall goes nut-nut (his famous words) that we start to see how originally tactless provocation is possibly for the best. she doesn’t “free” anyone. she’s just a person picking choices from a hat: a very limited, flawed hat with few options. she backs herself into a corner; she is now the wife of the ceo of waystar. she’s already transformed! at the start of the show, she’s an unmarried career woman with a submissive boyfriend. she is unrecognizable to us now, because she’s lost herself in this whole process. it was something she never even expected, which is why her life seemed to make some sense at the start of the show.
i do find her story to be the most tragic of the three because of how unexpected and impulsive it all is. but motherhood will change her. there will be a lot of bad and, symbolically speaking, it’s a tragedy, but she will make some form of peace in that reality. all of her conflict stemmed from the false promise of ceo, it stemmed from her father. now that it’s gone, and he's gone, she doesn’t have anything to rub against anymore. she can only face her husband, her child, and her career. she won't admit the loss (that's the sad part) but she knows it deep within. and she will pick it up, and move along.
roman’s ending is the most hopeful. yes, he’s a self-hating, self-destructive time bomb in many ways, but he’s also the jester, known for his charisma, and capable of even sweetness. he's a sour candy; a boy, not a man. unfit to work and face reality. he’s been forced to change himself according to what people needed him to be his whole life. it explains the constant failure, because he isn’t a chameleon. constantly failing to properly listen to one's own intuition and desires is going to lead to an extremely messy life, which we see through his endless provocation and crossing of boundaries (social, political, sexual, etc.)
that being said, this - losing the company - is once again, another compromise in his life and, by the grace of god, it isn’t a failure on his part this time around. everyone latches onto his words about everything being bullshit, and in that exact moment, he is absolutely right. but, ever notice how roman’s observations are almost always strictly tied to time, place, and situation? they are so rarely telling of the world at large. they aren’t meant to. they're meant to reveal the facade of that particular moment; what the audience has been thinking for those 5 minutes until roman opens his mouth, and then we can all sigh in relief. he's put our anxieties into words. his brazenness to do so does not make him a prophet. his words are to the audience more-so than the opposing character, because naturally, they won’t listen to him. it’s succession’s version of an aside in theatre (to me).
if you put yourself inside his slimy head for a moment, in the end, roman is relieved. he drinks gerri’s martini, and he lets that bring him some comfort as he comes to notice how he isn’t the only sibling capable of catastrophic, world-ending failure. he laughs to himself, in a sense, “well, at least it wasn’t me.” that is not freedom. in fact, it’s quite petty. the remedy for a bruised ego. i also think that explains the ambiguous and slightly threatening nature of his smirk. it isn’t the manic smirk kendall has when he feels himself emulating his father, but the smirk of a man (not a boy) who wasn't the sacrificial lamb today, he was not the beaten puppy here. roman is no longer bearing the weight of everyone’s shame, and he finds genuine comfort in everyone being equally "bullshit", so as not to feel so alone. he has his own shame, more than enough of it. his problems will remain unresolved until that shame is dealt with - that is his life's burden - but in this moment, he languishes in the relief of not bearing expectation any longer. it could be argued that he ends up where he started. except, that isn't possible. what happened, happened. he drinks martinis now, he has grown. it may not look that way, which is why the smirk feels like an inside joke between him and the drink. he never even wanted the company, in part because he was never allowed to want anything, but it's all about the small freedoms, the inching forward, and accepting the grief. that's what rome's arc has been this season: a spiral and a landing, landing bruised but not dead. i can drink to that.
now, kendall, the modern day michael corleone, an apt parallel. the abuser and the abused. the sheer desperation he exudes is nothing short of terrifying. before that desperation is triggered by shiv's vote, he is seen - now burned forever into my brain as one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole show - cradling roman, squeezing him, letting him bleed, making him bleed. allowing for that dynamic to exist (the stronger dog, the weaker dog) makes way for that poison he so dreads. he is a walking nightmare in so many ways. he is what he fears, he fears what he is, he wants what he fears, he fears what he wants. all of it. he is definitely the most professionally competent, which is deeply ironic, because he is the most dissolved and watered-down of them all. while roman is someone who doesn't believe in truth and yet is capable of telling it like it is and being true in moments he doesn't even realize could be seen as honest and raw, kendall is the opposite. he believes that things are true, yet all of his beliefs are false. they are doctored, surgically altered, selective. that's why they're referred to as narratives.
for an author of his own reality, his own in-shop puppetmaster, kendall loses track of his story more often than not, as he claims to not have killed the waiter (a chilling moment), showing how his deeply fractured state and the grip on his immovable desire for power come head to head. he cannot be the ceo, because that would make his narrative real, and it never was. it was always the promised kingdom, passed down to him at age 7, like a fairytale. another falsehood.
so, he sits in the frame that he meticulously constructed. everything he can control points to a metamorphosis into his father: the park, the bodyguard, the attitude, the business. but alas, the world tells a different story. the ocean ebbs and flows before him, ever-changing. he has to now grapple with that truth, now that he has no control over this fairytale-turned-nightmare that has dissolved before his very eyes. the world is saying "no, find something else. keep going. you are not dead." new horizons, kenny. of course, he doesn't see it that way. i don't know if he falls into a depressive abyss, or becomes a more present father (god forbid), but there is definitely a shift. a forced change: compromise.
succession is ultimately a war story. they have been at war for 4 years, although sometimes it’s felt like their whole lives. now, they're out the other end. they're losers, who've betrayed and scarred each other time and time again, but their opponent is also dead. the occasional ceasefire has made enough room for innocence, play, and some fresh air, but it was always peripheral to the business. now, there is no more fighting. make do of what’s left of the ruins. pick it up, trudge forward.
with shiv in purgatory, she is doomed to start over from the old, used-up parts she so despises. she's stuck, and must therefore bend. with roman in a heaven of blissful irony, his compromise is of no longer being a dog but a person with nothing but failure under his belt, as well as a healthy dose of charm, and to make that leap of accepting his humanity. with kendall in a hell of facing truths and false promises, he is forced to deal with plan b, as well as perhaps his real self - things that have never existed. each of these realities point to change. within the core of each person, of course they are all deeply wounded and will remain so; the wounds remain, we all know that. but life changes, its circumstances shifting like the waves of that very ocean kendall watches in despair. they are now forced to face a loss: the loss of their father, and of their war. out of that loss? the terrifying freedom of wanting something of their own.
#succession#spoiler#hbo#shiv roy#roman roy#kendall roy#mine#logan roy#waystar#succession spoilers#succession hbo
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been thinking about this often so maybe u have insight on it
what was the relationship between hollow knight and the pale king in your opinion? i just cant stop thinking about whether it was like one-sided yearning for parental love met with stoic professionalism, or just something else...
Oh boy. Oh BOY. I've written a really long fanfic where this is explored heavily, I have some THOUGHTS.
So I'm gonna put this under a cut as I believe one of our mutuals has not yet beaten Hollow Knight and I don't want to spoil them, but ah
Okay, so. Uh. The first thing you should know is that Hollow is one of my two favorite characters in HK and I have so many emotions about them so this is gonna be long. The second thing you should know is that if I had to attribute a quote to PK's personality, it would be "The ends justify the means."
PK's thing is clairvoyance. Foresight.
I firmly believe that extends to having seen exactly how things end. Toward that end, I do not believe that he ever expected Hollow to actually last through what happened. I believe fully that he knew that Hollow was a thinking, feeling entity. My best support for this theory is the existence of World Sense. What use would this have for someone who felt nothing? Why give your unthinking object the ability to know the state of the world, unless you believed they were thinking? This argument can also be attributed to the existence of the fountain as well. Why make a monument to something you think isn't really thinking, feeling? Why honor it?
The answer is guilt, my dudes.
I truly believe that the Pale King knew damn well that his plan was never going to work, not long term. It was a bandaid. I believe his foresight showed him Ghost's arrival. Potentially what he saw was the Dream No More future, or you could argue that he saw the continued stasis of Hallownest, each vessel replacing one another in an endless cycle (which would explain the number of them). But I lean into the idea that he saw Dream No More ending, and therefore only needed Hollow to live long enough for Ghost to finish the job.
I subscribe to the concept that PK loved Hollow. Loved them enough to give them insight into a world they were not a part of -- as a desperate act of mercy and apology for something that he considered monstrous. Loved them enough to build a statue in his capital for them, a statue they probably never saw, but that his people did every single day, in hopes that their sacrifice would be remembered while he himself disappeared from public view. His own fountain is hidden in an isolated corner. He didn't want to be remembered -- he wanted them to be, though.
I also believe that what we see in the Dream version of White Palace is a metaphor. I don't believe void really killed PK. I believe guilt killed PK. Consumed by the weight of his decisions, he found a cost too great to live with -- but he could not, would not, back down from saving his kingdom. He did what was necessary, in his eyes, but he knew it for the evil it was, because he is fucking brilliant, and he's not a monster. He's a person stuck in a no-win situation doing the best he can to try and do damage control.
Did he make the right choices? We'll never know. And the greatest tragedy of it all is that: wondering what might have been, if decisions were different.
I actually explored some of what I view PK's motivations to be in the cost of life, which is one of my one-shots. :>
#asks: answered#ashe? theorycrafting? it's more likely than you think!#patchesenthusiast#i wrote you a novel in the replies#thank you friend
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also like. ok sorry here we go (this is what i think abt all day in the empty moments between other shit) -
vash and darcy have different (but exceedingly complimentary) fundamental framing for their worldviews by virtue of who they are - vash frames his life in small, discrete interactions as he takes on the guilt and responsibility for a 1.5 century-old mistake that has befallen all* of humanity (*on gunsmoke which Could be the last of humanity as far as he knows). it is All his fault and thus he Has To care about every little detail - this level of detailed focus is derived from his non-human nature as well, though he's never known anything different and has rarely had anyone know him well enough to discuss the differences. he has to help and save and protect and love every person he can on an individual level as long as his slightly-removed Other status is maintained. he staunches blood flow and stitches open wounds.
darcy frames her life on a huge, immense scale - weather patterns over decades, how long it takes a tree to grow or geologic strata to form; she does this because she has been aware since she was very small how insignificant a single human life can be against the ravages of time, greed, ignorance. she made a decision that it doesn't matter that she will likely never be able to see any benefit of her labor beyond surface-level, she still has to do what she does for humans on gunsmoke to survive eventual, slow extinction. she has to build what she's testing and learning into more people, needs to help people by showing them how to do this themselves and WHY - this extends to interpersonal conflict, too, and the violences humans inflict on each other. she sees and understands systems, and starts at the top or works backwards as far as she can - she wants to and does help in an immediate problem, but she prefers to ask Why a moment of tragedy had to happen at all. she identifies why an injury happened in the first place and prefers to navigate how to prevent it in the future.
when together, they manage to address one another's blindspots (most of the time) and balance their shared interests/goals against their differing approaches - action vs. inaction, the value of making a plan that doesn't require endless self-sacrifice, looking for opportunities to cut to the heart of an issue that lies outside of the most obvious solution. they are both very smart individuals and become extra double stupid when they're together except for when anything's actually under threat, at which point they eventually settle into a paired dynamic that makes them stronger and also makes them better at finding option C's in a world obsessed with trolley problems.
#silver lining#darcy#vash tag#their inverted a to b relationships with mortality to world framing has been driving me up the wall (affectionate)
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Hello! Could I ask for a twst matchup please? I'm Nord, and I go by she/her.
For personality, I've been told I'm a little mischievous but sweet and calming to be around. I'm definitely more on the introverted side but can come off as extroverted due to my friendly nature. Generally, I have a lot of patience and don't tend to get angry unless it's on the behalf of others. I worry for those around me more than myself and nag when I grow concerned ^^; Some of my other traits include being competitive, curious, stubborn and detail-oriented. overall, I have a lot of emotions but do my best to express them in a way that's not a nuisance for anybody. I just want to enjoy the little things in life!
I write short stories, play video games, watch anime (especially horror and comedy), bake and take walks in the nature in my free time. I also love dogs, and tea. I’m currently studying english and geography! Reciting poetry and quotes help me sleep.
As for love languages, I love giving gifts (especially self-made trinkets like jewellery and I will spoil my partner with them), acts of service and quality time. I'm clumsy with words of affirmation but also a bit of an accidental flirt because I like complimenting people??
Thank you so much, take your time and have a good day <33
Hello there my beloved! So sorry it took so long to get this out, but I have your request in my hands no, you’ll be okay…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I match you with…
Riddle Rosehearts!
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So, hear me out. Riddle isn’t so bad, we all know this. It’s just his mom who’s kind of a sucker for so much control it’s damaging (homie here can relate ���� saddest of enbies). But I swear, I know what I’m doing. This is full of tragedy, but a hopeful ending for the couple you guys make.
With how extroverted you initially came off to him, Riddle thought you were a massive rule breaker. If that’s not one thing he despises intensely, the world must be ending otherwise. He only saw how angry you got at him for collaring Ace, shouting every word you could possibly throw at his noggin to clarify how dumb he is for following all the rules to a T. After his Overblot, he gets to really meet you and appreciate who you are as you finally let your walls come down.
Instead of anger, he sees the endless amount of worry you put into everyone, which is no easy feat since there’s quite a few of them you eventually friend along the way. He’s even accidentally figured out when you start showing massive red flags for burning out severely, but unfortunately he doesn’t quite realize what burnout is and allows it to get to the point where you finally break (I’ll make that bit into its own bullet point, don’t worry-). When Riddle tries hanging out with you for the first time, he really sees how quiet you are. It even gets to the point he forgot you were there until ADeuce decided to start a competition over something completely dumb and dragged you into the mix. He saved you, don’t worry. Someone’s gotta have a tight grip on these boys
After that accident occurred, Riddle couldn’t help but notice how often you suppressed your own feelings in favor of the others around you, no matter how much you didn’t agree with it. He had to think about how to approach that whole separate issue without coming off arrogant because he knows you’re just trying to enjoy the moment, but you’re too caught up in worrying about everyone else you forget to enjoy it too. He doesn’t get a chance to talk about this with you before your burnout hits you full force, but he did manage to snag a conversation between Trey and Cater about it so he wasn’t totally off the rails (and he was right according to that duo, you needed help ASAP!)
Eventually, your burnout hits. And when I say hard, I mean even Rook Hunt, notorious for finding anything to be prey, couldn’t find you on his first sweep of the entire campus grounds. On top of that, Idia, despite having cameras in the weirdest and oddest of spots, couldn’t see you from his cameras. Being worried would be an understatement for Riddle, he’s trying to not completely panic while you’re missing. It’s when he finally decides to search his rose maze that he finds you curled up into a ball on the ground next to a pavilion crying your eyes out. He sits there and tries to figure out how to comfort you (let’s be honest, this boy is more emotionally constipated than you homie), but he eventually settles on stories from when he was younger and was still allowed to speak Trey and Chenya. He eventually stops because his mother finds out and no longer wishes to upset you further (though we both know what happened that fateful day). He honestly thanks you for your deed from so long ago, apologizing that he should have done it sooner than begging apologies with you back then. Riddle offers you a hand and you inevitably take it, he’s guiding your back to his dorm while texting the group chat with the other House Wardens that you’re okay, but you definitely need space for now and a serious talk with everyone is long overdue
Loves that you’re already choosing to study in your free time as you should when you try to become a productive member of society, but is also (not so) secretly curious of your other hobbies. I’d like to think he’s just completely baffled at the concept of anime, but likes that it’s not just some cartoons his mother initially made him believe they were. On top of that, baking? You’ve made a perfectionist become less perfection and more creation in the kitchen baking together, though the others mustn’t see him in such a lovesick state of mind (a bit late since they saw it a long time ago, but this isn’t new for anyone)
When you start gifting him homemade jewelry out of nowhere, he thinks it’s a ploy to get him to do something for you, you’ll have to explain you like making these sorts of gifts for him. Once he understands it, he will now proudly wear and show off his jewelry that you’ve made any time and chance he gets. Riddle’s even got certain sets of jewelry he wears for special occasions now with how much he’s hoarded and made certain that no one made off with his precious jewels you so graciously gifted him
Finds himself completely flustered out of nowhere when you first accidentally compliment him, has to ask you to clarify that you actually meant it. When you’re outright confused at first then turned embarrassing shades of red, he gets the hint. More so when you cover your face with your hands and whine your apologies. It’s awkward the rest of the day between you two unless Cater does something about it, though in all honestly, he’s probably the one to make jokes at your expenses instead of doing the emotional breakdown for the two of you, especially if you’re in a relationship. He’s trying to get you guys to sort your problems out without his magnificent help after all
All in all, Riddle’s so appreciative of this relationship you guys built together. He’s working on finding himself through some of your interests that aren’t necessarily beneficial all the time (if he hasn’t found a loophole in everything at some point I’ll be surprised). He just feels so free with you, but he still gets to keep the things that help him stay grounded like some of the many rules he used to live by. While he’s managing his anger, he’s also being the best partner you could manage with all the quality time being his favorite love language. He just so enamored by you and your captivating charms, why would he resist someone who really loves him?
===================
And the follow ups are:
Ruggie
And
Epel Felmier
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That’s all folks! Until next time!
~Fox
#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland matchups#twisted wonderland riddle rosehearts#twisted wonderland riddle#twst riddle#riddle rosehearts#riddle#rosehearts#twisted wonderland ruggie#twst ruggie#ruggie#twisted wonderland epel felmier#twisted wonderland epel#twst epel#epel felmier#epel#felmier
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hey every time i log onto this website and read ur posts, i relate so heavily to your personal intertwinement with the story + characters and i absolutely understand your perception of R&M cuz? i always saw it as an encapsulation of the cycles of abuse especially through generations within family? and when i try to explain that to other people like irl or w/e while watching it theyre like wat .. so i UNDERSTAND where ur coming from and i FEEL bad that u get embarrassed or w/e (altho i deal with those feelings too?) basically just trying to tell you you are HELLA seen and far far from alone
🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOUUUU i appreciate that..... mayhaps a certain type of childhood or family life primes a certain understanding of rnm and an investment others don't always have. it's a factor that plays heavily into connecting with this series for sure.. many of us (fans. or whatever) are like this, like it is that deep for us but even to those people, i can scarcely relate. because most of them have this umm desire to see the wrongs righted and to be comforted by the show and then the writers notice that and then i don't feel that rick's change of character is gradual enough and involves enough sacrifices and struggle and lol you get the idea!! i like tragedies, i prefer to be hurt by my shows, that's the type of comfort i need. i digress.. but the point is, often i feel like a minority in here, thanks for taking the time to tell me you relate and you understand <333
also hmm i feel like within the group of fans that are dedicated and care about the future of this show, very few are in it for. comedy. or cool sci-fi moments? or maybe more like, all of the dedicated fans are dedicated to the story and the characters and definitely not to the old structure of rnm that allowed it to be an endless fun machine. at some point you have to make the stuff that happens count and affect the characters so people have something to come back for, so the episodic format could not have been maintained, not with the sudden widespread interest in the show. the new direction, the sincerity and drama and addressing canon and letting the characters grow Are for us, those who ended up caring! but i'm still embarrassed about caring, in my worse moments, i can't help it :P the writers even went out of their way to make fun of us for our investment in s4 and 5 and since it's popular, i see many casual viewers around who simply don't care that much. and are just here for a laff. that's weird to me!
and, the new direction puts me in a weird position because i did love it for the dysfunction and the angst, that's an integral part that needs to be featured predominantly in my opinion to make the hopeful moments really hit (and it's prominent in my family too HYDHBY so that would just feel more realistic for me and satisfy Me personally)
maybe i'm just concerned with what upcoming seasons are gonna do because if we have a long way to go until the end, i would have preferred if they took more time with the overarching storylines of seasons 1 through, idk, 3..... and just generally approached the previous seasons with very slow character development in mind, but character development for sure. if they were more deliberate about it and didn't have an "oh shit we have expectations to live up to now and loyal fans to satisfy. but we don't wannaaaa.. don't tell us what to do :'(" crisis in the middle of it lmao. i don't have a fundamental problem with betterment arcs, i'm just not sure this will be done right in the particular instance of rick and morty
i'm also just pondering the different subsets of viewers now and how conflicted the show has seemed (in the past. i wouldn't apply this to s6) about what it wants to be... and thinking about all the ways my affection for rnm could be misunderstood 😔 the worst "fans" have been the loudest, they didn't exactly give us a good name lol, but this is personal for me so i can't just stay away or keep silent (duh!) so i oughta consider the public perception. and perceptions are super varied! it's another one of those shows that isn't a show, it's popular enough and inconsistent enough to be a phenomenon. so inevitably i will be embarrassed, it means so many different things to different people and i care. i care very much
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I don’t know why I chose today all days to write down what happened to me when I was raped and assaulted. It’s been over 30 years of silence, shame and blaming myself. I still haven’t the courage to do this anonymously. “. He too”, just feels too public, too raw and a risk, as I am still very vulnerable, still very raw, still a long way to go to heal.
Baby steps.
I was 18 years old when my entire world changed. That was also the day my entire personality changed for ever. The day they took a piece of my soul, a piece I don’t think I can ever get back or replace. Im 50 now, and I have no idea why it has taken till now to express it. After internalising it every day. You see other people telling their stories of rape and sexual assault. They do it, not anonymously like me. Everyone salutes their bravery. So do I. But I just cannot go that far. Shouting my rape and assault to the rooftops makes me feel terrified and shameful. So many men and women in particular, have been raped, sexually assaulted and abused. It’s a huge thing for me. And my rape belongs to me. No-one can devalue or minimise it. To be just another person on a pile of rape stories… forgettable…the thought of that feels like it could crush me.
The truth is, people have grown tired of #metoo #hetoo personal testimonies. That movement, as refreshing as it was at the time, had the adverse effect. It became a fad in time, an ice bucket challenge. People are tired of rape stories really.. Another rape. Another sexual assault. Childhood sexual abuse. These are also traumatising to hear for other victims particularly.
Each one of those stories is a personal tragedy. It shatters most lives. Irreparable damage and fallout. The lifelong fallout of mental illness, relationship difficulties, ongoing physical, psychological and sexual abuse, addiction, career and financial difficulties, crime and prison time…the social costs are endless.
I want to tell you what happened to me.
I was 18 hears old in the early 90s. I was terrified of HIV and AIDS which meant at that time, la high chance of death, as treatments were in their infancy. Homophobia was rife when I left to start university at a small English city, in the Midlands. It was, multicultural, working class, crime-ridden but tens of thousands of students brought the city to life. It was my emancipation from a narcissistic hostile homophobic father and family. .I could be gay, mostly, out in safe circles although there were incidents. A drunk fellow student on Saturday night trying to break into my digs to beat me up…luckily the rugby lads would stand up for me and gave him a hiding. He was never expelled, jsomething that would happen immediately now.
After about 6 months I went to the local gay club. It was the time of #madchester, #rave, Hacienda and dance music. I went a few times when a tall, overweight, not particularly good looking guy made a beeline to talk to me. I had dropped an e so i was “loved up”. I’m fastidiously polite and friendly so i talked to him, continuing to dance, to show, “sure I’m friendly, I’ll talk to anyone, but I just want to dance”. I didn’t want to convey any other messages as I was not interested in him romantically. He asked if I was single. Dreaded question. I avoided the answer to the question … “ i love this tune”, probably commenting on how great the music and DJ were. I remember it was Ecstasy by Shades of `Rhythm or something similar. I felt sorry for him. He was clumsy, unattractive, dressed with badly fitting, unfashionable clothes. That didn’t bother me. What bothered me was that he needed connection. He seemed desperate for it. And so i thought no harm in connecting a little.
The night ended and I said goodbye. “Come back to mine”, he said. “No”, I said. “I want to go home and anyway Mike (lets call him that), I’m sort of seeing someone else so we can only be friends”. He had a disappointed look on his face for a brief moment but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. The way he was looking at me still gave an impression that his pursuit of me was undeterred. “Tell you what, will you be in here next week?” “Yes if you’re going to be here”. I should have recoiled a little at what I look back on as language reminiscent of a stalker knowing what I know now. But at that point I thought id never meet him again.
I saw him a few times as sure enough he was there at that club every Saturday night. When I didn’t tgo, the following few week he would almost panic, “where were you? I was here but you never came out”.
Then the Saturday night came. I was dabbling with drugs, ecstasy mainly, with speed on occasion. It was that time in the culture. A culture I dove into feet first. That night, i had a triple x, a particularly strong pill. I bumped into Mike and was so high I didn’t care. He got me a drink which I know, looking back, he spiked with acid. I just know I was out of control and hour after i had the drink he bought me. He was with a straight friend who was also 6 foot plus, muscular, rough and really too edgy for my liking. He was serious, He felt cold, detached. Speed, E and now a trip. The walls of the club were like waterfalls and the dance floor was filling up with the flowing walks so it seemed. I was in a nightmare. I felt frightened, out of control, disassociated and I was terrified.
All of a sudden i was with them, in a taxi, incoherent. Then I was at a house. Time was strange, I couldn’t tell a minute from ten minutes. When I asked where we were, Mike said Adie’s. (Not his real name.)
I was incoherent still. “Can i lie down?”, I asked sheepishly. Adie showed me upstairs to his bedroom. “Lie down there mate. I’ll pop up in a bit.”
I’m high, alert, off it, delirious, tripping, hallucinating and I feel bad. I wanted it to stop. Face into the pillow, I barely noticed anyone coming into the room but for the light. I was unaware i was being undressed straight away. I didn’t notice him taking off my shoes, jeans and underwear. I was confused when I was lifted up and my t shirt was being pulled off. Then panic set in. “No, what are you doing? Get off me, wheres Mike?” That’s when Ade forced me back onto the bed, lay on top of me and forced his tongue in my mouth. . A drug fucked kiss, didn’t scare me but he whispered “you little prick tease, we’re going to fuck your arse”. He turned me over hard, so I was face down, a fore arm choking my neck and then he was inside me. No warning, no condom< nothing. I couldn’t do anything but hoarsely whisper “no, stop” because his forearm was seriously choking my windpipe. I couldn’t get him off as he was too heavy. I was pinned . The pain in my arse floored me and worsened as he pushed himself all the way in. I must have screamed as best as I could, but with restricted air, it was almost unheard. I was a virgin and so I hadn’t douched, engaged in foreplay, had any lubrication and so I tightened up even more, . The pain was excruciating. I screamed, “no”, grabbing a breath, biting his forearm as hard as i could. He screamed. He retaliated by punching me in the side of the head, again and again. “Ill fucking kill you, you fucking prick tease, were gonna fuck you, fucking cunt … stop fighting it you little prick, ill beat your fucking lights out, take my dick…”, he whispered these words into my ear when I started to realise I could t stop him or fight him off.
Then Mike was inside me. No warning. I knew because Adie said “fuck him, thats it, fuck his arse.” I was still tight and the pain was worse. Burning, hot, pain like i was being punched inside over and over. Then Adie forced his unwashed dick my mouth, choking me. My gag reflex had me vomiting except my stomach was empt. Dry heaving, struggling to breathe.
I used all my strength to get away, fell on the floor and scrambled to the door but they were on top of me, and suddenly I heard the thumps of hard punches to my back, around my kidneys. So winded, beaten, immobilised and terrified, they lifted me onto the bed without any fight. I realised that flight was impossible. I was left with that awful choice so many rape victims face. Fight and face potential violence or worse consequences. So I made the choice. I Accepted the rape. I Let it happen. And I feel shame and feel to blame. That makes no sense but thats how it feels.
And so I let it happen. The body and mind protect you. I know they came inside me twice each perhaps. But time was suspended. Body shuts down. Depersonalisation.
All told, I know it lasted between 3 to 4 hours. I don’t know how long it was after they stopped raping me to when i got dressed. I must have taken a while to realise they stopped and i was alone. A clock said 6am. I crept down the stairs and they were both asleep in the lounge. I ran as fast as i could, out the front door which i didn’t even close behind me, fearing noise might wake them.
The rape was far more than I have written here. They were verbal too. “Prick tease”, “faggot”, “cocksucker”, “cunt” saying things like how I deserved everything they gave me a lot i have forgotten over the years.
I walked home ever so slowly. There was none around. No-one to beg for help. No-one to just look at and feel human again for a second. Hours seemed to go by for that 4 mile walk. I looked in my mirror hours later in the entrance hall. Split lip, blackened reddened cheek. I lifted up my t shirt, and failed to cry when i saw the black bruising on my lower back and his teeth marks near the base of my neck…. When I saw the mess of blood, shit, their semen and sweat behind me…
I felt sore. Dirty. Beyond shock. Unable to cry.
There is a smell to rape that is indescribable. Its a smell that you never forget but fear to remember. A smell that makes you want to wash your entire body, to purge your entire being of it.
Then comes the inevitable self blame. I took drugs. Did I give mixed signals? Did my politeness, suggest yes i wanted sex?. I said “no, stop”, maybe it wasn’t loud enough, maybe it wasn’t believable enough. The self blame of the last 30 years.
The truth is, it was not my fault.
I was vulnerable.
I said no.
And my virginity, was something that I wanted to hose to give to a man, someone i loved, someone of my choosing when I wanted.
To be continued: the aftermath.
Theft, And Wandering Around Lost by Cocteau Twins
The man is an offender
He took my value
And I give back his shame
And I take back my power
My body is my own
My body is mine alone
And I deserve protection
And I can create it for you
Is this what my body said?
"Use me
Drain me
Fall around me"
Is this what my body said?
"Engulf me
I'm already dead"
I have a feel of things
Cry and shakes the wall for you
And I am moving to poison love
And drown the stars above you
My body is my own
My body is mine alone
And I deserve protection
And I can create it for you
Is this what my body said?
"Use me
Drain me
Fall around me"
Is this what my body said?
"Engulf me
I'm already dead"
Keep cutting myself on the edges of reality
Keep cutting myself on the edges of reality
Is this what my body said?
Keep cutting myself on the edges of
"Use me Reality
Drain me
Fall around me"
Is this what my body said?
Keep cutting myself on the edges of
"Engulf me Reality
I'm already dead"
#rape#me too#malerape#sexualassault#rapesurvivor#rapevictim#rapeawareness#gayman#gay men#gay#lgbt experience#lgbt issues#male on male#survivor#traumatherapy#trauma#cptsd#actually cptsd#cptsd recovery#living with cptsd#cptsdhealing#cptsd problems
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today we are thinking about tragedies
specifically, tragedies compared between my dps fair folk au/the italian renaissance au. this was bc i was writing the fair folk au today, and a lot of it is taking on this weird tragedic bent - and out of those two this is the one with the happy ending! what is going on????
but i think i know why. the fair folk au is just full of characters who believe wholeheartedly in the inexorable hand of fate. like, when todd swears fealty to neil? the only reason neil lets him do that is because he thinks he'll be dead within the month! he's convinced he'll follow the fate of all his family, to die in battle. and on his part, one of the biggest takeaways todd gets from the fairy realm is that of the dominance of nature; it giveth, it taketh away, etc. and so he is always half-convinced that as the only human here one day the earth will simply reject him like a foreign body and he will die... it's a miracle he's survived this long anyway.
and then BECAUSE all of them believe so much in the trappings of fate, these little omens start popping up everywhere. ravens on todd's windowsill. a shadow in the shape of a cross on the throne room floor. after he swears fealty to neil todd accidentally cuts himself on his blade, turning the oath into a blood covenant, an action that he sees as an omen of death. (sidenote; this scene actually marks the second time i've written a scene where someone licks blood off their fingers and it's a reference to the bible. ffs. something needs to change)
anyway the point is that both of them are convinced that the worst is yet to come, so the worst starts popping up around them. the eye sees what the heart feels and all that. you only see that which confirms your worldview. so then when they get their happy ending, when neil's father dies and none of them follow him and the land accepts todd as one of its own... it absolutely blindsides them. like, all the elements of tragedy are there! they're ready to be mixed! and then suddenly this one guy is so full of endless love and devotion that he turns it into a victory instead. (which is again playing into mythological themes - the love between a fairy and a human being enough to literally rewrite the story...)
so how does the renaissance au measure up to this? well, very simply, the renaissance au is about how TWO men hold endless love and devotion for todd - and how he holds endless love and devotion for everyone around him - and how none of that is enough to stop fate from getting them in the end anyway. and it's also about the decayal of love and devotion - see todd's naivete and optimism crumbling after years at the mercy of milanese politics - see andrea's desire to be a heroic saviour of the people crumbling as he evolves into the same kind of tyrant he deposed. and really the difference is simply that everyone in the renaissance au sees what fate has in store for them and starts kicking and screaming to get away from it... yeah, it's a whole self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. (interestingly this also shows up in the environments of both aus, which i didn't recognise until now; the fair folk au takes place during night or these murky times, twilight and sunset - and the renaissance au is almost always set during the day - todd dies with the midday sun streaming through the windows of the duomo di milano. you become what you avoid!)
so. tl;dr... what?????? i don't know, this got away with me. summary: the fair folk au gets a happy ending because the love and the devotion is enough to overcome fate; the renaissance au is a tragedy because the love and the devotion were never enough to even counter fate, but you already knew that, and you tried to do it anyway. somewhere in there there's a theme on how supernatural evils are forgiving and malleable but man-made evils are immutable and vicious. good things only come to those who accept!
#yeah... this got away with me#begone. i'm thinking about the Themes#does this even make any sense#tristan writes
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