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naeverse · 6 months

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Helping Hands

🎖️staring: ColonelMiguel x Soldier Fem!Reader

🤎preview:

“It's because you are too quick to touch what you truly desire instead of building up to it.” He said matter-of-factly, his voice, gravelly and rough and making your stomach flutter.

“Just like shooting at the range, so quick to press that trigger, you haven't even perfected your form yet.” He smirked, placing his hands on either side of your head, trapping you under him.

“It seems you need more than just practice, Muñeca. Seems you need a lesson on self-control and discipline…”

🪖 summary:

You've been a part of Colonel Miguel O'Hara's team for a while now, but so far, you haven't made a good impression. It seems you can't do anything right without the assistance of your colonel by your side. Even though your COL is helpful, he's cold and stern, always making sure you know how much of a disappointment you are to your squad. You feel like a failure to your team, despite trying your hardest, and even more so to yourself due to your inability to satisfy your own sexual needs. But, just like with everything else…

Your Colonel is here to help.

🎖️ tw/cw: Big Dick Miguel, Breast Worship, Caught Masturbating, Clitoris Stimulation, Dirty Talk, Dominate, High Sensitivity, Public Sex, Shower Sex, Face Slapping, Size Difference, Spanking, Standing, Submissive, Rough, Unprotected, Wall sex, etc…

🤎 Pet names: Muñeca (Doll), Princesa (Princess), Chica (Girl)

🪖rating: 18+ explicit I SMUT I

🎖️Word Count: 10.8k

(I do not own any of the photos used! All credit goes to the original artist!)

“Cease fire!”

The bellowing voice of your Colonel, Miguel O'Hara, shouted across the shooting range. Your finger instantly froze upon the trigger of your pistol, turning to look at him through your protective shades.

Your Colonel studied the untouched target before shaking his head in disapproval. You heaved a sigh, lowering your weapon.

You, honestly, weren't that skilled in the force. You struggled in hand-to-hand combat, always ending up on your ass with a bruise somewhere on your body. Always slipped or hurt yourself when running through the elaborate obstacle course on base and took too long to disable a practice bomb which would have resulted in you and your team's death.

Many on your force don't know why your Colonel still hasn't dropped you, even you pondered the thought.

By your teammates, which were mostly men, you were given the name. ‘Slip-up.’ They always teased you, saying that if you couldn't do your part in the force, at least they had something to look at whilst they worked.

Their insults hurt and although you loved being a part of the team, you couldn't help feeling annoyed and frustrated all the time when it came to your abilities. You always tried your hardest but despite it, you still were, honestly,

Ass…

But, even though you already saw yourself as an utter failure, Colonel O'Hara always added more salt to the already gaping wound. He made sure you recognized every debacle you made, especially, right now with your inability to aim properly.

“Where’s your head at, soldier!?” He shouted, walking over to you, his beige shirt clinging to every muscle in his large torso. His hardened pecs, broad shoulders, and defined 6-pack accentuated under the cloth as he approached you.

You honestly didn’t know what your problem was, except that you’ve been here with Miguel since the crack of dawn and you still haven’t gotten a single shot on the damn target.

“My apologies, Colonel.” You hastily replied, causing him to scoff, crossing his arms over his chest. “Get your act together. You won’t be able to apologize if the enemy has already shot you dead.” He snapped, causing you to give him a nod.

He looked you over before sighing. “Get in position.” He commanded. You briskly followed his order, drawing up your weapon, bending your knees, and closed one eye.

“Do not fire.” He told you, his heavy footfalls beginning to move around you. Your heart was, oddly, beating rapidly in your chest. You didn’t know if it was due to the overwhelming anxiety, you always felt when you were under the stern Colonel's gaze, or the fact that he was so drop-dead gorgeous that you didn’t want to make yourself look like an even bigger fool than you already had.

“Your form is all wrong.” He commented, placing his large hands on your waist from behind. Your breath hitched, a deep blush covering your cheeks as he shifted your hips, turning it to the right. “You are too tense. Loosen up.” He whispered; his sharp cheekbone pressed into your cheek. His voice was deep and seemed to resonate through your entire being.

You could feel yourself heating up like an ignited furnace, shakily exhaling to calm yourself. You rolled your shoulders to relax in hopes of having better control of your planted feet in the dirt and your weapon in your hand, but it felt impossible with him being so close.

You gasped when you felt his combat boot abruptly kick your legs further apart, his hands tightening on your waist. “You need to widen your legs, and get your head in the game.” He said against your ear, loud enough to be heard through the heavy-duty headphones that adorned them.

His calloused fingers lingered on the fabric of your dark green, brown, and beige camo shirt before he pulled away, leaving his scorching touch imprinted on your hips. “Open your eyes, soldier. Do you think that is a telescope you are looking through? You chose the wrong profession then, kid." He teased with a deep chuckle, making you clench your jaw.

You opened both of your eyes, peering through your glasses at the target.

“Now, that you got your head out of your ass…” Colonel O'Hara muttered, standing beside you with his arms crossed.

“Fire!”

He commanded, your trigger finger going rampant as you fired repeatedly. The splitting sounds of the pistol were muffled due to your headphones, but still loud nonetheless. With every shot, your body recoiled back. Not enough to throw you off balance, but enough to send another burst of adrenaline through you that urged you to click the trigger again and again.

You continued firing until Colonel O'Hara's voice boomed across the yard.

“Cease fire!”

He yelled once more, your finger lifting off of the addicting trigger. You stood up from your position and watched your superior observe the damage you had made on the target. When he walked over to you, his bronze, chiseled face was so stern and devoid of emotion that you couldn't tell if you had made a shot or not.

“Good job, kid. You hit the board at least.” He said with a tight-lipped smile. It didn't seem like he was disappointed anymore.

‘Progress…?’

You pondered as you breathed a sigh of relief. Miguel observed your small being before him with stern eyes. "You did better today." He said, reaching over and taking the pistol from you. Compared to the weapon in his hands, he made it look like a mere plaything as he carried it with so much confidence.

“Now hit the showers. I expect you to be out in 20.” He ordered. You nodded, giving him a departed salute. You removed your shooting gear, placing them in their respective places by the range before hightailing it to the showers.

You didn't want Colonel O'Hara to call you back for anything.

You were so exhausted from shooting the same gun and staring at the black silhouetted targets that your vision was a little wonky.

You sighed, stepping into the locker room and walking over to yours. The locker rooms were gender mixed. Males and females showered together due to there, honestly, not being many women in your force. To save money, your base went the cheap way out and blended the two.

Colonel O'Hara had his respective team with you being a part of it. You could count on your fingers just how many females were in your force, making you feel a little out of place sometimes amongst the men, especially with their excessive teasing.

You undressed, placing your beige combat boots, camo shirt, pants, and undergarments into your locker and grabbing a towel to cover your nude body. Once you acquired all of your bathing essentials, you exited the lockers to enter the showers.

The showers were like cubicles. Each held a shower head plastered on the wall but with no curtains.

There were only three showers that had a curtain but those were always occupied, thankfully, the room was empty upon your entrance.

‘I can finally enjoy a peaceful shower.’

You thought, remembering all of the other times you used the shower room and how it was always filled with men, playing and bathing with each other in the nude as if everything was fine. You could never wrap your head around how comfortable they could be to shower beside one another and converse like normal.

You could never…

Always deciding to postpone your bathtime or endure it and shower in the farthest cubicle away from everyone, but even then you were still teased.

So with a huge grin, you happily drew back the curtain and stepped into the shower. You placed your bathroom items onto a small shelf and hung up the towel that was worn around your body before turning on the water.

You gasped, the water was always ice cold upon turning it on. You didn't know if to be thankful for the sudden rush of alertness or irritated by the amount of shivering you always did afterward. Nonetheless, when the temperature changed to be a perfect blend of warm and hot, you melted upon contact with the satisfying liquid.

You sighed, running your hands through your hair and feeling all your sore muscles from the long training with Colonel O’Hara, relax. You proceeded on cleaning yourself, filling your washcloth with your bodywash and beginning to wash up.

Whilst enjoying the heat and bathing yourself, you began to remember everything from this morning - the harsh training, the endless shouts from the stern Latino, and the frustration of not hitting that damn target came flooding in.

Before you could beat yourself up, you started to focus more on your Colonel than how much of an ass shooter you were.

How he carried himself with so much confidence, and always looked like his muscles packed pounds on his body, causing him to walk so heavily and wide. Being in the military, you've been with your force even at the worst of times. Experienced moments where you were starved, under extreme elements, and times where you had to go days without properly bathing or doing so at all.

You've seen Colonel O'Hara at his worst, and even then he made starving and reeking of musk look good.

It was also rare that you even saw him nude.

Colonel O'Hara was a male who hated to be caught with his pants down, literally.

He despised being seen as weak and vulnerable so during his time of bathing, he woke up at the crack of dawn to shower. You heard him one time, leaving his room, which was apart from the bunks, you and the normal soldiers resided in, to go to the shower room.

But the one time you've seen him fully was on a mission. One that the Colonel had selected you to participate in, himself.

During a long journey, everyone took turns to shower or take a quick bath in a river, waterfall, or whatever water source was nearby, your team would use to your disposal.

On this particular mission, a lake was the nearest form of bath system your team could use. You got paired to freshen up with the last group which happened, your Colonel joined at the last minute.

The man was ripped, you knew that. You can see it through any piece of clothing he wore, but surprisingly even his ass looked good.

You didn't think you were much of an ass girl until you caught sight of his when he was bathing in the lake that day. How his ass had the perfect mixture of muscular and plumpness was blasphemy, and to top it off, his back muscles seemed to flex and bulge with every movement he made. He was even packing in the front.

How his large, veiny hands ran the water over his body, his palms brushing over his pecs, abs, and biceps, and the look of pure concentration on his chiseled face made the scene even more hotter. His golden-brown body seemed to glisten despite the lack of proper cleaning the lake did for anyone's body that day.

It was a miracle no one saw you, it would have been embarrassing with how much ogling you were doing. You could hardly bathe yourself without sparing him occasional glances that left you certain when the gods sculpted your sexy Colonel, they were playing favorites.

He was perfect…

His honeyed body was sculpted with bulging muscles, sinewy limbs, taut abs and thighs, a few scars littered his being here and there, but even still, those scars intensified his attractiveness.

As you stood, washing off the soap studs that coated your body, just recalling the memories and thinking of how magnificent of a specimen your COL was, your core throbbed in desire.

You've secretly felt this way about your Colonel ever since you were assigned to him. How could you not when he traversed any land as if he owned it, whether it was on the battlefield or just walking to catch a meal at the base cafeteria.

When Colonel O'Hara was in the room, you, everyone, even the damn fly on the wall knew he was there. He just had that aura about him that demanded attention even though he was the type to strongly despise it.

The warm water continued to run down your body, washing away the soap that covered it. But it wasn't as hot as his touch that still was permanently burned into your sides, and you couldn't stop thinking about how right his hands felt on you…

His calloused fingertips pressed into your hips, his large hands engulfing your waist like you were a mere doll. If only the guy knew how much control he had over you, in the, not so, professional way.

Now, he even had you fingering yourself just by the mere thought of him. Your fingers thrusted up into your warm entrance, wishing it was his thick ones that were touching you. Your other hand found the shower wall, trying to stabilize yourself under the running water as you fingered yourself.

You moaned, eyes closed tightly whilst you chased that trembling ache, that pleasurable high that had been caused by that hunk of a giant down at the shooting range. You wiggled another finger inside, emitting a loud cry to burst from your chest.

But your two fingers weren't enough...

The only thing that could cure the burning longing in the pit of your stomach was the enormity in between that man's legs.

The massiveness that was off limits to you.

The forbidden meat that you couldn't taste…

You gritted your teeth in frustration, continuing to chase that high that you knew you couldn't ever reach. You didn't know how long you'd been in the shower, fingering yourself with the knowledge that you could never seem to get yourself to release.

You felt it once when you were with your first boyfriend but after you broke up and got into the military, nothing!

You feel the rush, the spasming, the addicting pleasure and trembling of your legs but that was it.

Not in a long time had you felt that satisfying crash of ecstasy. You’ve always got to the peak of it, but never could get over it, always leaving you sexually frustrated; but you try.

Goodness, you do try…

“Oh, fuck.” You whined, gripping the wall whilst thrusting your two fingers inside of your dripping pussy. The sensation felt so good, the feeling of being full, and that delicious friction with every penetration of your fingers made your eyes flutter.

You were so adamant about this being the day you made yourself climax that you didn't even hear the heavy footfalls on the tile flooring of the shower room.

You were too consumed by the pleasure and of that sexy view that was engraved in your mind of Miguel bathing in that lake. His massive, broad body, gorgeous ass, and enormous cock. How it wasn't even fully erect and it was big.

You imagined him here with you, his fingers being what was inside of you, feeling the stretch of his thick digits as he pounded them into you at such speeds that it was inhumane. How his cock would do even more damage, drilling into you until you saw stars and could barely remember your own name.

But you would be certain to know this.

He'll make sure of it.

Moaning and crying it out at the top of your lungs as he pounded into you mercilessly, dominating and controlling you like he did. Every. Single. Day.

“Oh yes. Fuck- Miguel!" You whined loudly, completely blinded by your erotic act that was being driven and led by your sexy Colonel.

You were so immersed in what you were doing, you didn't even notice when the curtains were drawn back.

You didn't know what had happened, just that the shower looked a little brighter than before, and the sudden rush of cool air on your bare backside made you shiver.

Completely dazed, you turned around to make eye contact with the Colonel himself.

His beige muscle shirt, camo cargo pants, and tan combat boots still adorning his massive frame. Even though he'd found you in the worst way possible, his face was emotionless, a still painting in a museum.

“I thought I told you to be out in 20.” He sternly said, his deep voice bouncing off the secluded shower room. Your bottom lip trembled, your hand instantly drawing away from your core. Your evident slick glistening on your fingers as you noticed his dark eyes shift to them and back to your face.

You didn't know what to say…

‘Sorry, I didn't come out sooner, Colonel. I was so busy fingering myself to the thought of you that I lost track of time.’

That's a one-way ticket straight to a Non-Judicial Punishment and no telling what your consequence would be.

So you just stood there, completely nude and with the shower running, still trying to make sense of what the hell was happening with your foggy brain.

Honestly, you were still stuck in la la land, seeing Miguel bathing in that lake and having a perfect view, not at all attentive to what was happening before you.

Your Colonel scoffed, looking you over. “Soldier! I asked you a fucking question!” He shouted, making you jump, and snapping you out of your trance.

Finally, you realized what the hell was happening.

‘Oh shit! Miguel, just caught me-

to him!'

You wanted nothing more than the walls to swallow you whole.

Your hands hastily turned off the shower and covered your sensitive areas, your cheeks a deep red. “O-Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.” You said, about to go into a spurge of apologies when Miguel stopped you.

“I don't want to hear a fucking apology, I want to hear what the hell you were doing.” He declared angrily, his bushy eyebrows drawn low over his dark eyes. You gulped, quivering before him because you couldn't possibly tell him what you were doing.

You'll die from embarrassment…

“I-I can't-”

“Don't give me that bullshit, soldier.” He spat, stepping closer to you in the tiled cubicle. Your eyes widened as he cornered you to the wall.

“Tell me what you were doing.” He said through gritted teeth. He looked furious and that it made you scared beyond anything.

Of course, you've seen your Colonel angry, it was honestly his default setting, but directed towards you was a different story.

You gulped, your pupils trembling under his intense gaze.

“I-I was…t-touching myself.” You confessed with a blush, averting your gaze which only seemed to make him angrier. “You know how I feel about that. Eyes on me.” He sternly spat, as it took everything to meet his gaze once more.

His cold face and amber orbs held little to no sign of what his next reaction, response, or move would be.

It made everything even scarier.

“So you're telling me, you were in here for almost an hour and you still haven't released?”

He asked in a nonchalant tone as if he hadn't asked something so erotic. You gulped, your arms tightening around your body to hide your sensitive areas even more, your cheeks reddening even more.

“C-Colonel I-”

“Y/N.” He said your name so coldly that your entire body tensed up.

He hardly addressed you by name and when he did, you knew you fucked up.

“Answer the damn question. It's a simple yes Colonel or no Colonel.” He demanded, his large frame towering over you, making you feel so small. “N-No, Colonel. I-I haven't.” You admitted, biting your bottom lip anxiously. You probably spilled your guts here in this shower more than ever in your entire lifetime.

You felt like one of Colonel O'Hara's targets whom he strapped to a chair to interrogate, except he didn't even pull out a single weapon and you were already blabbering your deepest secrets to him.

How pathetic were you...?

After your confession, he just stood there looking down at you, your stomach clenching and your heart beating so loud in your chest, that you were certain he could hear it.

Until he smirked, looking you up and down. “Don't tell me you can't do that right either, soldier.” He teased, making your entire body burn up in embarrassment. “N-No, it's not like that.” You stammered, your hair completely soaked and your body dripping with water from your previous shower.

You just felt like you had to defend yourself in front of your Colonel. It felt like every time he was around, you couldn't do anything right. You were certain your COL had been taking notes on all of the things you couldn’t seem to do and you didn't want pleasing yourself to be added to the list.

“I-I just can't, okay.” You told him with a dejected sigh. He tilted his head, a deep chuckle rumbling from the depth of his chest. His eyes taking in your small form compared to his massiveness. “It's simply because you are too quick to touch what you truly desire instead of building up to it.” He merely said, his voice, gravelly and rough and making your stomach flutter.

“Just like shooting at the range, so quick to press the trigger, you haven't even perfected your form yet.” He smirked, placing his hands on either side of your head, trapping you under him.

“It seems you need more than just practice, Muñeca. Seems you need a lesson on self-control and discipline.” He whispered into your ear, his lips against your skin making you shudder.

You didn't know what he could mean. The only thing filling your brain was another round of harsh training of push-ups, pull-ups, and laps around the whole damn base.

A training so extreme you didn't know if you could even handle going through it, especially after the long, one-on-one training at the shooting range.

You wet your lips, gazing up at your COL's hardened, defined face. Even from this angle, which was usually an ugly one on others, he looked good.

“W-What do you mean?” You inquired, you knew better than to make an excuse or complain about your exhaustion.

Colonel O'Hara would work anyone overtime if you bitched.

He smirked, turning to draw the curtains back before meeting your perplexed gaze.

“I'm talking about a lesson of pleasure, Muñeca.”

Your eyes shot open, staring at him in utter shock.

This had to be a dream.

You were ready to hear the thunderous voices of one of the lieutenants anytime now, waking you and your fellow soldiers up from your deep slumbers to start your day of training and missions.

But either the lieutenants were sleeping in, or this moment was real.

Nonetheless, you were about to lose your shit.

“P-Pleasure?” You fumbled over your words, your backside already pressed against the wall. Miguel hummed, stepping closely up to you, sandwiching you between him and the white tiles.

You instantly lost the ability to breathe, not due to his enormous frame crushing you into the wall, but the fact you could feel every one of his defined chest muscles against your body through his shirt.

The hardness and solidity of them were enough to reawaken that desire in your core.

You bit your lip, his dark hair falling over his face whilst he loomed over you. “How long has this been happening, soldier?” He asked in the same stern tone as if he was demanding you to shoot another clip into a target. You gulped, peering up at him, trying to keep eye contact. “Since my last relationship, sir.”

“So before enlisting?” You gave him a curt nod. He hummed, looking you over before his dark eyes lingered upon your shield arms. “Stand up straight, hands at your side. You know the drill.” He spat harshly inside of the small cubicle shower.

Just his mere tone was enough to control and completely dominate you. Your arms shakingly moved from over your breasts to rest on your sides as you stood erect, the mere position changes thrusting your bare breast forward.

You bit your lip, hoping he didn't notice how perky and hard they were, but you should have been ashamed to think otherwise.

His gaze instantly was directed to your breasts, a smirk spreading across his tanned lips. “You turned on, Muñeca, or is your little body just cold?” He laughed, making you blush.

You hoped that was a rhetorical question because you didn't want to answer it.

His tanned hands left the wall to cup your bare breasts. The roughness of his palms on your supple flesh was enough to make you drip a puddle onto the tiled flooring.

You whined, wincing a little at how painfully hard and sensitive your tits were. He fondled them softly, testing the waters, but you couldn't help but squirm in his hold. “When was the last time you gave these babies attention, hmm?” He asked, squeezing the sensitive flesh in his hands and brushing his thumb along your nipples.

Honestly, you couldn't remember. You hardly paid attention to your chest when it came to pleasing yourself. Like your Colonel said, you just dove right into where you needed it the most, ignoring everything else.

“I-I can't remember.” You responded, causing him to click his tongue. “So impatient. Just like you and that gun.” He said, continuing to caress your highly sensitive breasts in his hands.

“But we are going to fix that, even if it takes all afternoon until the sun sets and when it rises in the morning of the next day.”

He whispered into your ear.

“You'll learn to be patient, chica.”

He spat before lowering to bring one of your swollen nipples to his mouth.

Pleasure like never before hit you like a freight train. His skilled tongue swirled around your hardened pebble, teasing and flicking it as you melted under his ministrations. His other hand worked in tandem with his sucking, rolling your other nipple with his thumb in time with his tongue.

You mewled and whined, grasping for anything when your hand found a railing. Your head fell back against the wall as he pleased your chest, his towering body bent over to suck at your breasts. Sloppily sucking and coating your pebbled flesh with his saliva with every taste like he was starved predator finally seizing its prey.

Your legs trembled, the feeling so familiar, as your eyes fluttered. Your grip on the metal bar tightening.

“C-Colonel.” You called out to him, your thighs coated with your essence.

You needed him, more of him.

He hummed in response, but not ceasing his suckles. Your face became flushed, your core, completely soakened and desiring to be filled.

Longing to be fondled by his skillful hands.

For him to play with your pussy like he handles his guns, so rough, yet attentive, and proficient.

“I-I want you to touch me, d-down there.” You said in a trembling voice.

He suddenly bit your sensitive nub, his teeth capturing your nipple, emitting a cry from you as he tugged away to look up at you. He shook his head, rising to his full height. Your eyes followed him, his figure looming over you once more. “Soldier, you haven't been listening to a thing I've said, have you?” He said in a gravelly tone, almost disappointed and a little angry. Your cheeks reddened, your lips quivering. “I-I'm sorry-”

Your words were cut off when his hands slammed onto the wall on either side of your head. The sound was deafening and your heart felt like it had jumped out your chest. He pressed his lips to your ear, his voice sinister and gut-wrenching.

"Rush me again and I won't hesitate to punish you." He snarled into your ear. His words sliced through the closed space, sharp and precise, leaving wounds that stung like the cut of a razor into your skin.

It terrified you and left your body a little shaken.

You felt his eyes, look you up and down, taking in your trembling form. "Now keep that little mouth of yours shut, unless you are addressed, soldier." He sternly said before pulling away.

Silence except for the thudding of your loud beating heart filled your cubicle. You weren't able to alleviate your quivering being, as the next words he uttered, shook you to your very core.

"Turn around.”

He commanded, making your eyes widen in shock and worry. You were stuck between desire and utter terror.

However, you followed his order.

You didn't want to anger him any further.

You turned around, shakingly placing your hands on the shower wall, your bare backside to him.

Your Colonel was a scary man, an even scarier one when he's on a mission; but you never thought even in the bedroom he could keep his same ominousness.

Your ears and sense of touch were on high alert. You felt colder than before whilst the incessant small drips of water from the showerhead were slowly driving you crazy.

The suspense was suffocating, to the point you were begging for something to happen, anything!

"You are so needy, chica."

He said from behind you, the sound of him unfastening his belt and zipper filling the shower after his words. Your heart skipped a beat, fingers flexing against the wall. You wanted so much to turn around and see the magnificence behind you, but you knew he would punish you if you did.

"And what did I tell you, hmm?" He urged, moving his cock into the gap between your thighs, brushing his length along your slick folds.

"Despite your...neediness, I need you to listen. To obey my commands, chica." He uttered, a sharp gasp escaping your lips when you felt his hands on your waist, his bare chest against your back, and his cock poking into the back of your thigh. You whimpered softly, your juices spilling down your legs.

You knew this was a trap. He wanted to see what you would do, now that his impressive cock was right where you wanted it most...

You moaned, gripping the wall, and trying to find your words. "T-To be p-patient." You said through breathy gasps. He hummed in agreement. "Good, soldier, and what did you do despite my command?" He asked into your ear, his lips brushing the lobe and making you shudder under him.

All you've ever wanted was him, making his demand for patience utterly impossible.

It was despicable how, in spite of your Colonel’s knowledge of your intense desire to feel his touch, his cock, his body against your own, he was ordering you to wait. You pressed your forehead into the shower wall, biting your lip and ignoring his question.

You didn't want to wait.

You couldn't, not with your body practically begging for him, and your arousal leaking onto his cock and down your thighs.

You shook your head, grinding onto his shaft that was nestled between your legs, failing his test horribly. With every gyrate of your hips, his mushroom head brushed into your clit over and over again. The feeling was so good and pleasurable it urged you to move your hips faster, chasing that sweet sensation.

Miguel's deep groan into your ear only made you quicken your pace until his deadly grip on your hips forced you to stop. "Fuck, Chica. You just can't seem to listen, can you?" He spat harshly into your ear. You whimpered, feeling him move his cock from between your thighs to press it along the curve of your ass. "I-I'm sorry."

"Stop with the fucking apologies." He growled, his hands lowering to grope your rear tightly, emitting a cry from your lips. "All you do is apologize but do the same damn things." He hissed, feeling his dark eyes look you over, a deep chuckle passing his lips. "You are practically shaking in my hands, but it's not from fear, is it, you little slut?

It was as if he had punched you right in the gut. You knew your Colonel was observant, from being alongside him from the one mission you were allowed to participate in. You remembered the usefulness of the skill, but you wished right now that he wasn't.

He was capturing everything and didn't hesitate to bring it out into the open.

Indeed, you were trembling and quivering under him. The desire and lust for him were overwhelming, and just his mere touch was causing you pleasure. "N-No. I-It's not...f-fear" You honestly replied, shamelessly lowering your head against the wall. He snickered, feeling his defined chest rumble against your bare back. "Shit, you want this so damn bad, don't you? Want my cock inside of you?" He inquired, only making your stomach tighten in want.

It was as if he had read your mind. Knew all your dirty thoughts. You bit your lip, unable to confess something so embarrassing.

A sudden harsh slap to your ass made you jolt and cry out in a mixture of ecstasy and agony. Miguel's large hand wrapped around your throat, pulling you flush against his hardened chest.

"Answer me, soldier." He said harshly into your ear, his hand giving your neck a warning squeeze, briefly cutting your oxygen before your lungs were filled once more. "You are aching to be fucked? Yes or no?" He asked through gritted teeth whilst you were gasping desperately for air. Your hands left the wall to grasp tightly around his massive wrist and forearm, his limbs looking so humongous in your hands.

Despite his roughness, this was all you've ever wanted. What you've desired. You found yourself frantically nodding, his hand still snug around your throat, fingers pressing into your neck. "Y-Yes." You panted, causing him to groan, the sound so very sexy in your ear.

"And yet, you are faced with a predicament aren't you, Chica? Believe you can't cum, is that right?" He asked in a teasing voice, your face reddening at his recollection of your embarrassing secret.

You nodded, his other hand leaving your waist to slap your ass once more. "With words."

"Yes!" You cried out, feeling him tug you back against him. "Isn't that a shame that you cannot handle it yourself? You want me to do it for you?" You bit your lip, squeezing your thighs tightly together. "T-That's...correct sir." You whispered, his hand around your waist beginning to explore your body, caressing your thighs, stomach, and hips.

He took your sensitive breast into his hand, tweaking the tender nub and groping the supple flesh roughly, drawing a wince and whine from your parted lips. "That makes you selfish." He sternly said, tightening his hold around your neck, even a little bit of his strength left you gasping for air. "We could get in a hell of a lot of trouble if we are caught and yet, you still crave me." He stated, reading you like an open book.

Were you that easy to read?

You thought you were careful with your attraction towards your superior. You made sure the only time you pleasured yourself to him was somewhere secluded and away from everyone, that when you were ogling at him, no one was watching. So how the hell was he doing this?

Unveiling all of your deep secrets without you even having to open your mouth.

It was bothering you so much…

You wet your lips, nodding slowly. "Y-Yes...I-I still do." You told him, his hand still enclosed around your throat and continuing his sensual play on your breasts with his other. "Y-You make it impossible not to, sir." You rasped, trying to keep your voice stable in his hold.

Silence filled the shower room after your confession leaving you nervous about whether he'll leave or not.

You did, technically, admit that the two of you could get into serious trouble if you continued, yet due to your blinding lust for him, you didn't care.

Even if you didn't, your Colonel could lose everything.

Does he think less of you now?

Did that make you even more of a slut in his eyes?

Your mind was swirling, trying to ponder what the hell was going to happen. However, the more you thought, the more your worries intensified.

Suddenly, a blur of movements occurred, everything happening so fast that you were unable to keep up.

Miguel spun you around, turning you to face him, sometime during the movement, he turned on the shower. The water cascaded down your bare beings and dripped off every sexy and tantalizing contour of both of your bodies.

Your eyes roamed his massive frame, finally seeing him fully. His coppery, scarred, and muscular body was in front of you, as everything about him was big. His shoulders, chest, arms, hands, and even his cock.

Your eyes shakingly looked down at the monster between his legs. The enormity you've been dreaming about and lusting for since you've become a part of his team.

You thought it was big when you saw it at the lake, a few feet away from you, but nothing could prepare you for how it'll look in front of you.

Like his enormous frame and towering height, his cock was impressively thick and long. The tawny, sensitive skin was covered in veins with a bulging one that ran down the underside of it. His tip was a flushed, angry brown, already dripping with pre-cum.

A patch of coarse dark brown hair, adorning the top of his well-endowed shaft, trailed an irresistible path up to his navel and hairy toned chest. Even though you've fantasized about his cock regularly, in reality, it was even more astonishing.

He stepped up to you under the water, his gaze predatory behind his dark hair that had become a drenched nest upon his head, wet chocolate strands sticking to his forehead. He took your throat into his large, calloused hand once again, your body welcoming the oddly pleasurable sensation.

"Widen your legs."

He said in a deep voice, his lips drawn down in his usual permanent scowl, regardless of his mood. Your heart leaped at the command, hastily widening your stance, your backside flush against the tiled wall. You shuddered as the steamy air of the shower graced your throbbing core.

His other hand fell down your stomach, tracing patterns as he went. You shakingly exhaled, his touch felt so foreign, yet satisfying all at once. "You are so desperate to cum, Muñeca, that you skip all of the delicious parts." He chuckled, returning to his lecturing. His hand occasionally squeezed around your throat, cutting off your oxygen, before bestowing you with the gratifying air once more.

Your eyes rolled, hands springing up to grab his massive forearm in your hands; although, your fingers couldn't enclose around the bulging limb. He teasingly trailed his other hand along your body, finding your sensitive breasts again, drawing a hiss from your lips. "So, tell me. How do you do it, hmm?" He asked, rolling the hardened pebble under his calloused thumb.

You moaned loudly, squirming in his hold. The sensations, a blend of pain and pleasure due to your heightened sensitivity, leaving you indecisive on the satisfaction of his touch. "H-How do I -gosh, do what?"

"Touch yourself. Where do you start?" He asked once more, his fingers continuing to tweak and fondle with your breasts. Your cheeks reddened, eyes opening to gaze up at him to see his serious and stern ones staring right back.

You didn't know why he enjoyed hearing you speak. He knew where you started, it was the sole reason he was here.

But with trembling lips, you responded to your COL. "D-Down there." You panted, bringing a smirk to his lips.

"So, I was correct. You don't know how to please yourself." He uttered, his hand moving from your throat, leaving behind his warmth and burning touch.

Your eyebrows furrowed at his words. You hated to hear that from him.

Something else that you couldn't do without need of assistance, and it was always his.

Whether it was shooting a gun, learning how to not trip over your own feet whilst running or discovering the weakness of your opponent in a fistfight.

He was always there, assisting you with your troubles but making sure you knew how much of a failure you were as he did.

But this was even more embarrassing than any of your other inabilities.

This was something you shouldn't need help with. You should be able to satisfy yourself on your own.

Why the hell did you depend on him so much?!

It was so damn frustrating...

"A-Apparently so." You whispered dejectedly, instantly gaining his attention. "Then let's fix that." He uttered, his hands moving up to caress your breasts, his touch gentle for the first time.

You sucked in a breath. "You want to start with these babies." He whispered, thumbs ghosting over your tender nipples. "Go slow, feel the sensations, and once you are ready." He gave them a sudden tug, pinching them harshly. You moaned loudly, back arching off of the wall.

A fire felt like it had sparked underneath your skin, a blinding sensation washing over you. Your eyes fluttered, looking up at him to see his cold eyes staring back.

He smirked, leaning towards you and placing an open mouth kiss on your shoulder. Your breath hitched. "The goal is to slow down. Enjoy the moment." He whispered into your skin, trailing more of his searing kisses along your collarbones, the water falling upon your bodies.

You wanted so much to touch him, to feel his musculature under your palms. But, honestly, even though you were practically dazed with pleasure,

You knew your place and his…

He sucked softly at your skin, licking up a trail of water droplets up to your neck. You moaned; the sensations so intense. He wrapped his lips around the pulse point of your neck, continuing his sucking, but keeping you unmarked.

You didn't know to be thankful or upset due to his cautiousness of sucking such pretty love bites onto your throat. It would had been wonderful to see them there, knowing it was from him.

A gasp escaped your lips when you felt his heavy cock against your abdomen, throbbing and twitching in desire. Your stomach coiled up in a delectable burn, a feeling that was a distant memory. Your moans came out breathy and airy, and your soppy entrance pulsated in want.

Miguel could feel it.

You were ready for more.

He gave your throat a final lap, before pulling away. His eyes stared at you, seeming a little darker than before. "Then…

You touch."

He whispered, his thick fingers trailing a teasing line down your stomach until finally, his two fingers found your bud of nerves.

You jolted, hands flinging up to grasp his biceps. You moaned at his touch and the feeling of how solid his muscles were. His fingers moved in a circular pace, swirling the saturated bud. You writhed and squirmed, bringing a smirk to his lips.

"Is this living up to your dirty thoughts, Muñeca?" He inquired with a chuckle. You blushed horribly, remembering your loud cries with his name included and how he probably heard. You frantically nodded, unable to speak.

His fingers were as skillful as you thought, fondling and caressing your bud and sending waves of tingles sprouting throughout your body.

Your legs trembled, your chest heaving whilst your breathing increased. He pressed a finger into your bud making you choke out a moan, nails piercing his biceps. He snickered, lifting your leg and exposing your pussy even more for his play.

He quickened his pace, his fingers rubbing your engorged clit at such high speeds you saw stars.

He hadn't even inserted a finger yet and you were already feeling that high approaching, that pleasurable crash that you always deemed impossible.

But you should have known he'll take you there…

And even further…

He widened your slick folds, replacing his fingers with his thumb, pressing the thick digit into your exposed clit, and inserting two fingers into your soppy entrance. His movement, becoming even more erratic inside of you.

You cried out loudly, looking down at his hand that was moving so fast against your clit and thrusting inside of you. You’ve never felt such speeds, unable to do so yourself, as the intensity of it was brutal. Your juices splashed everywhere, dripping onto the floor whilst he continued his assault.

Moans became stuck in your throat, your gut started to tighten, and your eyes rolled so fiercely you saw white. "Yes, chica, just like that." He growled. "Cum for me." He snarled, and you lost control.

Your limbs felt like jelly, thighs convulsing and pussy clenching around his fingers as you came in hot juicy spurts. Your arousal gushed out, spilling down your thighs and coating his hand. You shook uncontrollably, becoming a trembling leaf in his arms and unable to utter a word.

Miguel continued to please you through your orgasm, driving you over the limit and making you cream until you couldn't anymore.

"This what you wanted, chica?" He asked through growls, running his slick fingers along your wet folds upon your fading orgasm. You were highly sensitive, whimpering, and nodding frantically. "Yes, g-goodness, yes." You whined, practically on the verge of tears by the sheer intensity.

He laughed at your glossy eyes and flushed cheeks. Miguel smirked, looking at you. "Had enough?" He asked, dark eyes following you.

Honestly, you wanted to nod.

Just the thought of going through another burst of pleasure was exhausting, yet your core throbbed in desire for more of that addicting sensation.

"N-No...I-I can take more." You said through trembling lips. His smirk broadened across his tanned lips. The sight, breathtaking.

"That's what I like to hear, soldier." He said, drawing his hand from between your legs to take hold of your neck once more. You gasped, his thumb tracing patterns across the base of your throat. Your hands fell into place on his forearm, his entire body, mostly his chest, covered in a sensual tangle of dark brown hair.

His rugged look exciting you even more.

Upon coming down from your high, your numbness faded away allowing you to feel and become aware of your surroundings again. His hands were calloused against your throat and skin, rough after years of handwork and harsh labor. Even his manly scent of musk and sweat reawakened that desire inside the pit of your stomach.

Everything about your Colonel you adored, the burning wish deep inside that he would grace you with the feeling of his cock; because, at the moment, the longing to be fucked by him was the only thing on your mind.

Your COL, lowered your leg, running his palm along your thigh to grip your hip. "Want to be fucked by a real man, soldier?" He inquired with a wicked grin. "I doubt that ex of yours fucked you like I can." He uttered, his voice dripping with confidence, making your stomach flutter.

It seemed as if your COL secretly enjoyed hearing you confess to that erotic question. That burning and so very enticing inquiry.

He knew how much you wanted it.

How much you wanted him, yet this was his second time questioning your desires.

"Yes, I-I want you to fuck me." You uttered through trembling lips, gazing up at your massive Colonel. His dark eyes were cold but held a hint of amusement, peering down at you like a mere ant.

The shower was completely silent, except for the running water that dripped around your naked bodies. Time was the last thing on any of your minds as he gave you that rare smirk that ignited the butterflies in your belly, making them fly rampant.

He pressed his thumb into your throat, your breathing turning more into a wheeze. "Don't expect me to be gentle." He said gruffly, his other hand trailing down your body to rest on your rear, his rough palm squeezing your supple cheek. A strangled moan escaped your lips, your core throbbing at his warning and touch.

"I-I didn't want you to." You replied through gasps of air, his smirk broadening.

He didn’t utter a word, using his other hand to lift your leg, hoisting it up over his right shoulder. You gasped, turning to the side and resting both hands on the shower wall. Miguel smirked, grasping your leg and pulling you towards him. You whimpered, biting your lip at the heat and hardness of his cock brushing against your core.

“Remember, Soldier…” He whispered, moving his hand from your throat to take your hair into his tight grip. He yanked your head towards him, making you wince.

“You asked for this.”

He uttered sinisterly before a sharp delightful, yet painful sensation shot through your body. You choked on a moan, feeling his large tip sink inside of you. You held onto the wall for dear life, his grip around your leg dangerously constricting. “Fuck, you are tight.” He snarled into your ear.

Just his tip was inside and your walls felt like they were being stretched to the extreme, despite being soaking wet. You whimpered, burrowing your face into your inner elbow, as his cock throbbed inside of you with every clench of your walls.

“T-Too big, C-Colonel.” You said into your arm, your words muffled, but intelligible. He groaned, the sound resonating from the depths of his chest. "Mierda, you can take it.” He growled, his cock straining inside of your tight walls. You whined, the sensation of the extreme stretch of your walls was so strong that you could feel the tingles in your toes.

It was almost hard to stand…

"Relax, Princesa. Loosen up." He whispered into your ear. Although he uttered the same words from the shooting range, it sounded so much sexier coming from his lips, causing your stuffed entrance to quiver. He groaned, gradually sinking more of his cock inside of you upon your walls easing up. You choked out a moan, fingers flexing against the tiled walls.

"Now, take a deep breath." He rasped, his large hand completely enclosed around your ankle that rested on his right shoulder. You tried painstakingly to focus on your breathing until you found the capability to do so.

You inhaled through your nose and upon exhaling, he pushed the rest of his enormity into your tight walls; his tip pressing against your cervix. You screamed in shock and at the burst of pleasure and pain.

His cock was enormous resting snugly inside of your inners as he held your body tightly against his massive one. Every twitch of his shaft felt like it was in your throat whilst the coarse hair of his cock, brushed against your sensitive bud.

You moaned softly at the overwhelming sensations, tensing around him. Deep grunts passed his parted lips at every choke of his cock by your clenching walls. “Ay cono- you are squeezing me so good." He gasped, his eyes fluttering whilst you whimpered into your arm.

His hardened pecs rose and fell against your raised leg with every breath he took, the feeling only increasing the pleasurable sensations in your core.

Without warning, he slowly pulled out to his mushroom head and plunged back in with the force of a jackhammer, the impact, resonating. You cried out as he soon found a merciless pace inside of you.

With the first snaps of his hips, it instantly took your breath away and made your brain mush. The thrusts that followed were a blur. Your eyes rolled uncontrollably whilst he fucked you senselessly.

You couldn't scream, moan, or cry, every thrust stole your breath away like it wasn't yours to begin with. Your Colonel took you again and again, never ceasing his pace and you were slowly losing your mind with every slam of his cock into your pussy.

“Still believe you can't cum?" He grunted into your ear, hoisting your leg up higher and widening them. You silently moaned, the blood rushing to your ears causing his dirty question to be left unanswered as his cock burrowed deeper inside of you with each snap of his hips.

You pulled away from your arm, drunkenly looking down at the magnificent sight of his cock rapidly thrusting into you. His tanned shaft moved so fast that it was a blur.

You still couldn’t believe this was happening, looking up at your Colonel with a desire to see his face and engrave this surreal moment into your brain.

His dark eyes, blown with lust, met yours, his tanned lips parted while he rutted into you with all his might. His balls smacked into your thigh with every thrust, causing the most pornographic flesh-slapping sounds to fill the tiled cubicle. The water from the shower splashed off your Colonel’s back to pool at your feet, but your eyes stayed trained on Miguel despite the shower blinding your vision.

Your stomach began to burn unbearingly, like a ball of tangled yarn tightening with each passing moment. You couldn’t think, only focusing on the blinding pleasure that was bringing you closer and closer to that blissful end. “C-Colonel…” You were only able to whimper through the overwhelming ecstasy.

“Have to cum, soldier?” He inquired causing you frantically nodded. He chuckled, increasing his pace and snaking his other hand to your front, rubbing frantic circles onto your clit. You screamed out and instantly became undone in his burly arms.

Your eyes rolled back, convulsing harshly in his arms as your release came crashing into you like a tidal wave. Your pussy fluttered around his cock, clenching him tightly and earning a sexy groan from Miguel into your ear. “Fuck- There we go.” He whispered, continuing to fuck you through your orgasm.

The sensations were blinding and so good. It left you wanting more of the forgotten feeling.

Your legs trembled horribly, leaving you unable to hold yourself up; but it was as if your COL knew you and your body, although this being the first time he’d ever touched you.

He hastily pulled out and lowered your leg from his shoulder, making you gasp. He chuckled, leaving you to balance on your jelly legs. "Tired yet?” He inquired. “Knowing a little thing like you, I don’t think you can handle another round.” He taunted, giving you that teasing glare of his.

The look he gave you when the other members of your squad were around.

Challenging you to push your limits, to not look weak, and most of all…

To not disappoint him…

You hated that look because it was a complete and utter mindfuck.

And every single time…

He got you.

You hastily shook your head, resting against the wall to stabilize yourself. “No, sir. I-I’m fine.” You breathlessly replied.

His smirk broadened, as like always, you’ve run right into his trap. “Good.” He uttered, suddenly, hoisting you up and pressing your backside against the wall. His large hands rested underneath your thighs and effortlessly held you up.

You gasped at the abrupt action, wrapping your legs around his waist and resting your hands on his scarred and coarse-haired chest. You met his piercing gaze, his usual confidence, dripping from his very being.

“I’m just getting started with you, soldier.”

He said, not giving you time to react before pushing his length back inside of you. You instantly cried out, your arms flinging around his thick neck. He groaned, his one hand pressing into the wall, his fingers digging into your thigh. "Fuck, you feel good.” He growled, soon finding a relentless pace once again.

With every drive of his hips, your backside slammed into the wall, leaving you certain your back would be bruised later. Your eyes rolled over and over again, his cock continuously touching deep inside of you, making your toes curl so much that it hurt.

He handled your body like a ragdoll, pounding his enormous shaft into you whilst holding you in his arms like you weighed absolutely nothing. The water continued to cascade down your bodies, now completely cold, but neither of you could feel a thing; too blinded with pleasure and of each other.

He took your jaw in his hand, turning your face to look at him. Your eyes fluttered horribly, his thrusting never ceasing. "Tell me this soldier.” He said through grunts, “Do you always moan my name when you please yourself?” He uttered and even during your fucked-out state, your flushed face turned a deep red in embarrassment.

His words clarified his presence during your failed pleasure session.

You didn’t know to be ashamed of him, your Colonel, overhearing you in such a state, or thankful, since now he was bestowing upon you the pleasure your body had been craving. Nonetheless, you tried to find the words in your scrambled brain to respond.

“Y-Yes.” You truthfully stammered. “I-I’m sorry.” You added, your reddened cheeks intensifying as he continued to move inside of you.

A breathtaking grunt that sounded like a snicker passed his lips, his amber eyes staring into yours. “What did I tell you about apologizing, hmm?” He inquired, his cock and words only causing the pit of your stomach to tighten once again.

“T-that you don’t w-want to hear them.”

“Correct, Princesa.” He replied, his eyes roaming your face, before sternness washed over his facial features.

"Let me hear it again."

He snarled, making your heart drop. His tone was the same when he was training you on the field, or barking orders to the rest of your squad. His gravelly, rough tone was rooted into your mind and shook you to your very core.

Suddenly, you felt sober and alert for the first time since he touched you.

“W-What!?” You exclaimed in shock. He scoffed, pressing you against the wall, leveraging you, and continuing his inhumane pace. "You heard me.

Say my name, soldier."

He groaned, the water from the showerhead continuing to spill down onto the two of you, blinding your already glazed sight.

You instantly couldn’t speak. Every plunge of his cock inside of your soppy pussy snatched the words from your lips and left your mind a complete mess once again. At your speechlessness, he abruptly slapped you, a sizzling sting filling your left cheek. Your face snapped to the right, a loud broken moan erupting from your throat.

You instantly became alert, your vision still a little hazy as he gripped your rosy cheeks in his hand, turning to face him.

"Fucking say it!"

He demanded, your stomach coiling at the desperate grunts that he was trying to keep hidden behind his gritted teeth.

"M-Miguel- fuck." You were finally able to muster. Saliva that was unable to be swallowed began to drip down the corners of your mouth and behind his clamped hand.

The sexy vein in his forehead started to bulge, his abs clenching against your stomach. "Hmm, say it again."

"M-Miguel! Mmm, Miguel, p-please!" You cried out. You didn’t know what you were pleading for, the reasoning completely unknown. The only thing clear in your fogged mind was your desire for him.

More of him.

Your words seemed to turn him on even more, a hot groan falling from his parted lips, his pace increasing. “Such a good girl for me, soldier.” He gasped, his hips snapping into you at such erratic and unwavering speeds, despite the duration of fucking he'd been doing into you. "Mmm, you are such a good little soldier for me.” He babbled, his fingers pressing into your face whilst your eyes rolled uncontrollably.

Your walls fluttered around his cock, contracting and gripping him tightly. For the first time since his assault on your pussy, his hips faltered, a curse spilling from his lips. "Mierda- I'm close." He rasped, yet, you couldn't take it anymore.

Shockwaves engulfed your body, overwhelming and suffocating you in its electrified grip. Your back arched against the wall, whining and rambling through tears. "I'm cumming. 'm cumming." You sobbed, his cock attacking your G-spot one final time as you squirted in lengthy bursts.

The feeling was something you never felt before. It was different from when you came the first time with his mere fingers and the second on his cock.

Your eyes blurred, your mouth falling slack whilst tears spilled down your cheeks. Your essence sprayed onto him, coating his cock, abs, and thighs with your juices.

He cursed, moving his hand from your face to wrap his burly arms around your body. "Shit, Princesa, you are cumming so well for me." He growled. "I should reward you, shouldn't I?" He inquired breathlessly, a smirk spreading across his bronze, chiseled face.

You didn't need to answer, not like you could anyway, because it seemed your Colonel knew it already.

You were thankful for the implant that was placed into your arm upon enlisting as you knew exactly what your COL was planning.

He took your legs into his hands, placing them onto his broad shoulders, and pressed your backside into the wall. You tighten your grip around his neck, trying to prepare yourself, but it was useless.

Like a jackhammer, he hungrily plowed into you. You silently screamed, his cock rapidly disappearing in and out of your pussy. "Oh yes- going to fill you up so well, little soldier." He breathlessly groaned, his cock effortlessly pressing into your G-spot over and over again.

You were so sensitive, trembling and shaking in his arms. You sobbed at the intensity until your walls gripped him one final time.

"Ay, coño!" He exclaimed, in a low, guttural groan before spilling his seed inside of you. Your eyes rolled, his warm essence coating your walls and filling you up, just like he promised.

Your face scrunched up in pure ecstasy at the mind-numbing sensation, causing you to meet your peak once again. You trembled in his tight hold, eyes rolling whilst your release poured down your legs.

His load seemed to be endless as he emptied himself inside of you until the very last drop. He let out a shaky moan, burrowing the bridge of his nose into the crook of your neck and holding you against the wall.

The both of you caught your breath, his cock softening inside of your stuffed walls. The shower smelled strongly of sex and sweat. The icy cold water continuing to rain down upon your bodies, your beings finally recognizing the chilliness, but too tired to do anything about it.

When the two of you had finally gotten your strength, your Colonel lifted you from his shaft and onto the floor. His cum instantly began to spill down your trembling legs, the feeling making you tingle all over.

To stabilize you, his large, calloused hands were glued to your hips, just like they were at the shooting range.

Feeling just right, and as if they belonged there.

"Hope you learned something today, Soldier." He uttered, his voice taking on his usual commanding tone. You thickly gulped, looking up at the massive male with half-hooded eyes.

You weakly nodded. "Y-Yes...I have, Colonel." You whispered, bringing a tight-lipped smile to his lips.

"I'm glad to hear that." He said, pulling away from you and drawing the curtains back. Your warm body was instantly graced with a chilled breeze at his action, making you shudder.

The shower room was, thankfully, still vacant as his pile of clothes and boots were sitting just outside of the cubicle.

Before his large frame left you to clean up, he looked over his broad shoulder, his dark eyes on you. "I don't want you pleasing yourself anymore, soldier." He simply said, his words surprising you and making your stomach flutter.

"M-May I ask...why?" You hesitantly asked, still out of breath from the heated sex the two of you shared. He licked his lips, turning to you fully in the doorway of your shower cubicle, his eyes looking you up and down.

"Why, that pussy of yours has my name on it." He replied, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his large chest. “I’m the only one that gets to pleasure you.” He chuckled, looking you up and down. “Also because…

I’m the only one who can.”

He stated, his eyes glued to every part of you. You couldn’t believe what he’d just said, staring at him in utter shock.

A small smirk spread across his lips at your stunned expression. "Now pick your mouth off the floor and get your ass out here in 20." He said in his usual stern voice, holding a bit of amusement. "Take any longer, and I won't hesitate to come back and drill that order into your head until you understand. Got it, soldier?"

You bit your lip, cheeks turning a rosy red as you nodded. He pushed off the wall, simply picking up his clothes and walking towards the lockers.

You took in the last of his gorgeous ass, muscular backside, towering height, and confident stride as he disappeared around the corner and into the locker room.

You were still unable to believe that you, the forces' slip-up, were allowed to get a taste of that hunk of a man; and was able to climax so many times with him, despite the numerous times you tried and failed on your own.

You grinned, a deep blush staining your cheeks whilst pulling the curtains closed. You turned back towards the cold shower, rotating the knob to the right in hopes of there still being warm water left.

Upon waiting, you couldn't resist recalling everything from that state of pure bliss that you just shared with your Colonel.

The moment, honestly, one of your sex dreams come to life.

Just thinking about it, made your leaking entrance throb to life once more.

Even as you stood under the water, muscles spent and core still dripping with his cum, an erotic thought filled your mind…

'Maybe showering a little longer than 20 minutes wouldn't be so bad...'

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed 'Helping Hands.' Make sure to like, comment, follow, and reblog! Love you guys!

Also my request box is open, if anyone is interested!!

<3 Taglist:

@oscarissac2099 @powerful-niya @szapizzapanda @mcmiracles @mreowmoreww @thedevax @jadeloverxd @lazyotakuofficial @migueloharacumslut @nattywattyy @homewreckingwreck @kinkybandages

#miguel o'hara #spider man 2099 #across the spiderverse #the blue panther #miguel ohara #miguel #miguel smut #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #miguel x fem!reader #miguel o hara #miguel x reader #miguel x y/n #spiderman 2099 #miguel ohara fanfiction #miguel x you #miguel x reader smut #astv miguel #Colonel Miguel

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herotome · 10 months

Text

Finally-official-devlog #112

Also known as FOD112 hi-ho, Wudge here.

Gosh there's just. So much. I'm actually drafting this devlog a few days early so that I'm not suddenly overwhelmed on devlog Tuesday again. But without further ado-

This is the big cheese right here -- each character has their own layer, each character's clothes and expressions have their own layers, and there's a separate layer for the soft orange lighting on top of it all. 😭

On that note, here's most of the individual image files that create the CG with their powers (and my code) combined:

And since this is a cropped version of a BIGGER CG (featuring ALL the love interests sitting together), I had to tinker with the position code a great deal to properly feature these three goons Of course it was worth it of course twas merely at the cost of all my energy and sanity at the prospect of eventually possibly also adding in blinks and expression changes--

Mad props as usual to the sweetwonderfulamazing Remnantation who first completed this CG -checks watch- sometime last year! With some additional edits by me since then~

And, did you happen to notice something new in the lower right?

Tadah... a brand new click-to-continue icon animation! I made (mostly) all by myself! The lil sparkle burst is free from production crate, but I drew the star and added the rotation code... ... Honestly, the hardest and most time-consuming part of this was finalizing the design. Originally I was gonna make it rotate 45 degrees, flip, rotate 45 more degrees, flip, etc-- and messed with that concept for several hours before scrapping it for a simpler, more graceful idea. :| Part of the process, I gots to tell myself, part of the process...

Next up is Jade's powers, as you may have seen in the preview last week. Much like the CTC animation, I did a lot of research on other ideas - various glowing VFX like vertical veins across the cheeks and smoky rising from the eyes, as well as a bigger low opacity character zoom effect - before settling on something simple. Jade's power usage here is... pretty mild in context, and I figure I can always store the more dramatic animations for later in the story.

Here's a still of the effect btw:

Her eyes look like headlights lmaooo. Honk honk!

Do I have more to update with? Believe it or not, yes.

I made some icons, which took a fair amount of trial and error: on the left you'll see an earlier draft, on the right are my more final redesigns from the same day(...night. midnight. I worked on these until midnight).

I had to look up some guidelines because most of my previous icons did NOT look good or legible when sized down to 50x50 pixels. What I learned was, tadah, I had to draw with an unprecedented line width of 200 pixels! (For non-artists: I typically draw with a pen width of 12 pixels at most).

I also studied the icon styles of Persona 5, which saved me a lot of time - they had a cool stylistic choice of diagonally tilted color blocks and thick black outlines.

Here's yet another gif of icons in action...

Did you see them? Did you?? For a split second, in the upper right.... Still gotta adjust some of the text overlap, don't look at that.

Oh and the "How to play" page is brand new. I coded it from scratch... That also took all night...

... Oh. Oh. And remember your MC's phone?

This old thing? Yeah. Visual upgrade:

Also rendered and colored in by Rem <3 Where would I be without them...!

The text, though, can be updated in code!!!! I spliced the phone into layers, with the screen on top and code-generated text just below it, so I can update the caller ID at any point in-game without making any new images.

Took a little while to get it to work... honestly it doesn't look 100% centered... but it's fine. This is fine...

And then... more code. After much tears, blood and strife, I got a musical crossfade to work. It shouldn't have been challenging but it was a nightmare -- when calling the crossfade the second track would either not play at all or its volume wouldn't change and I was starting to develop a preference for eating gravel. But I persisted, found a much simpler code that actually works. After the tearsbloodstrife.

And...... lastly... I simplified this big block of code:

vbox: pos (269, 76) add "sprites/MC/mc[mc_number].png" hbox: if mc_number ==1: text "DEFAULT" style "MC_label_text" elif mc_number ==2: text "LAVENDER" style "MC_label_text" elif mc_number ==3: text "PETUNIA" style "MC_label_text" elif mc_number ==4: text "SUNFLOWER" style "MC_label_text" else: text "TBD" style "MC_label_text"

...(not properly indented bc tumblr is mean 2 me)...

down to these lines, to make my future life easier:

default PrintMC = ["Default", "Lavender", "Petunia", "Sunflower", ""]

text PrintMC[mc_number] style "MC_label_text"

Two!!! lines!!!!!

🎊

Instead of typing out additional if/else lines, I only need to add new names to the PrintMC list. Won't really affect the player at all, but it's a HUGE quality of life update for me!

...Anyway that's it, thank you for checking in. <3

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

PS screw it I'm gonna queue post this early.

PPS have you listened to our composer's new single yet? No?!?!?!

youtube

Every click, every listen helps, and every song of his is a BOP that deserves recognition!

ok that's all for real now xoxoxo,

wudge (again)

#herotome update #interactive fiction #oelvn #visual novel #otome game #english otome #otome #amare game #amare #amareteabreak #indie otome #indie dev #indie game #Youtube

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cheesecakewitch · 5 months

Note

Hii, I first wanted to say I love your comic so far; I've only gotten to chapter 1; so I'll be bench reading your comic for a while!! ^^ ♥️

I did want to ask, since I got to the q&a section and noticed the tips part of it, about starting a Webtoon comic and I wanted to ask. When you made yours did you have to worry about setting up a preview or patron right away or is it a later on in the comic type thing?

Sorry if the second part, makes no sense, I went to try to make my own comic,... but I noticed I needed vertical thumb nails so idk if that had to do with the preview for the comic or if it's just a title page, and as for the patron thing; I really don't have any of that set up on my end to even go with the money. So i generally just wanted to worry about making a comic and add patreon later down the road; when I get more of that, set up. So I'm kinda hoping I can just avoid the whole patron thing (if that is possible since this is my first time. ^^`)

hi there! i’m so glad you’re enjoying forgotten, i hope you like where it goes from chapter 1! :)

as for your question about previews and patreon, hmmm… i wouldn’t worry about it right now honestly. when i started i absolutely did not have that set up, and i didn’t start my comic intending to make money off it! it sort of just happened.

but again, i do advise you to start your comic simply because you want to and not for a patreon or money. the only thing that kept me going in the hardest times was loving my story! 💛

for the third part of your question i migjt be misunderstanding, but if you’re talking about setting up a scrolling format: i merely cut up my panels from my ‘page’ format and then align them to be scrollable. i hope that makes sense!

good luck on your comic journey! it’s a tough one, but it’s also very fruitful! i’m open to any more questions if you have them :)

#ask #not art #advice #?

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chuchiotaku · 1 year

Text

[PREVIEW] Pendragon HoP Chapter 4: The Purification from All that is Dark

So this was supposed to be part of Chapter 3, but my tendency to write too long has struck again. So you get two chapters for the price of one, if that makes sense. It certainly did in my head. Hahaha.

... “So Kreacher will show up in this circle?” Weasley pointed at the tub set on the biggest circle in the center of the diagram, encircled by salt and holly sprigs, connected to the two circles containing the basins: the one on the right containing the water and blood solution and the one on the left containing a smooth round stone Dobby picked up from the school grounds. It was a good a scapegoat as any.

Regulus nodded. “And once he arrives, the salt and the holly will keep him trapped until the dark magic is washed away and encased in the scapegoat.”

“But how can you make sure that he’ll show up right here exactly?”

“By ordering it exactly. Something I have sufficient practice with,” answered Regulus. “Now this is the part I must warn you about. Getting Kreacher onto the tub is the easiest part. Once I begin the incantation to start the containment spell, the dark magic he will most likely be carrying will start to fight back.”

Weasley and Dobby traded wary looks at that before the former prompted. “What do we do, then?”

“Stand back and defend yourselves when the need arises. Do you know the shield charm?” At Weasley nod, Regulus nodded. “Good. It’s better than nothing.”

Weasley, however, still looked concerned. “But what about you?”

“As I keep telling you, I’ll be fine.” Regulus smirked. “Honestly, Weasley, if you keep this up, I might get the impression that you’re worried about me.”

Weasley huffed. “I helped save your arse, Black. Wouldn’t want all that effort to go to waste this early.”

“And I wouldn’t want to die again so soon either. Now if there’s nothing else,” Regulus cleared his throat. “We should get started...”

=*=*=

For Ron, standing a few feet away, it was both an amazing and frightening sight.

In the middle of the pulsing magical pentagram stood Kreacher, although at the moment, he could barely hold himself up, his knees bent so low they were nearly touching the ground as he held his head in both hands and wailed. Surrounding him were the thick black tentacle like...things that seemed to materialize from everywhere on him, from his back, to his legs, his arms and even from inside his floppy ears.

They reminded Ron of the Whomping Willow, the way they stretched high enough to reach the ceiling as they whipped onto an invisible barrier with such violent force that he knew was enough to snap him in two. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Those tentacles, he soon found out, had faces. Multitudes of them. All screaming, moaning, crying, roaring in pain and anger, into a wildly asynchronous morbid chorus. And the stench, oh Merlin the stench of rotten vegetables, decaying meat and literal shite. It was as bad as, if not worse than, the smell of that mountain troll back in first year.

“...Grant, we beseech, the grace of thy favor

Upon this rock, before we stand...”

Ron marveled how Black—who was probably only around five inches away from Kreacher—could stand to be so near the column of warped faces, and was doing pretty well so far. He had been worried that the older wizard’s illness was going to rear its head at some point, and had been on guard just in case.

“...And thus, our cries, before thee, true:

All that which is dark, by thy power, we bind...”

But he’s doing just fine. Ron thought, his stance relaxing as he rubbed at his tired eyes. We’re already halfway through the ritual. Black said this will be the hardest part, so once he’s done with this, it should be smooth sailing afterwa—

“Something is wrong.

—ah, fuck.

#harry potter #ron weasley #ron weasley fanfiction #pro ron weasley #ron weasley defense squad #regulus black #regulus black fanfiction

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average-puppet-enjoyer · 2 years

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He is READY 4 [[This Holiday season only!]]

I honestly don’t know when I’ll be able to do a proper big photoshoot of him like I want to between weather/energy/time ect, and I’m waiting for that to put his patterns up, so have this for the moment. If you want his patterns early, read below the cut C: I don’t have a video to show for his voicebox yet, that will come later still

If you’d like to get his patterns before I do the photoset, you can buy them here for now. https://windwaken.gumroad.com/l/xnjqm

It’s $15 since I don’t have all the preview pictures taken yet but once I do it’ll be $20

I don’t think the patterns are that complex at all really, I think the hardest part would be his hair but even that isn’t so bad. I guess some basic knowledge would be required but other than that he’s simple! You can do him by hand or machine, either way really. Though machine sewing I believe makes things more sturdy so just be careful if you go for hand stitched. Oh yes, the patterns for the jacket aren’t included because I don’t think I could have made that! The jacket is from build-a-bear and theres a link to the page for it in the instructions. I tried to make him build-a-bear size and he fits pretty decently in those clothes so if you wanna get him silly outfits you absolutely can 👀

He’s got a bunch of alt shade designs too which you can buy all together here https://windwaken.gumroad.com/l/viuwct for $35 I wanna figure out a way to sell them individually for $3 each so I’ll work on that too. Theres 16 alts in total atm and they come as PES files for embroidery machines. My machine only has a 4x4 hoop so even small machines can handle them!

I will be making more alts eventually, I just have to get another trial for the program and the time to do em haha The pipis is the one from the specil fun pak LMAO it’s obviously not included, just thought the bow on it was cute and wanted to have it in the picture set. Also please excuse my photo editing skills, I do my best RIP You’re totally free to make adjustments to the pattern as you wish too! Just don’t repost/claim as your own/sell ect ect If you post yours anywhere feel free to show me and I would super appreciate a link back uwu (My art is literally my only income, so any exposure helps nsdfkjndsfkjndks) Also if you have any issues at all shoot me a message and I can try to help!

#Spamton #Deltarune #Plush #Plushie #Doll #Craft #Sewing #Pattern #Embroidery #hold him gently #Holidays

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harrieatthemet · 3 years

Text

Mustache

He has never been keen on sharing.

And Gemma’s mere existence, as well as the small indent on her left thumb she swears is a scar (though Harry vehemently denies it is), is living proof.

Mr Ducky was his favorite bath time companion for a good bulk of his childhood. There were even times he’d carry it around with him in the house tied to a string like a pet, one of Anne’s fondest memories and favorite stories to tell whenever she found the opportunity.

Maybe it was Gemma’s own fault; she was only six at the time and was foolishly under the impression that the stupid rubber toy was at anyone’s disposal, which is what led her to try and situate the duck in her backpack as she geared up for school.

It’s also what led her to tears because Harry caught her on the way out the front door, Mr Ducky in tow, and he instinctively sunk his teeth right into the side of her hand in protest. And, okay fine, he may have bit down a little harder than he should have, but the overall message he was sending came across very clear. Gemma never touched anything he owned again for a very, very, long time; and eventually went on to tell everyone in her class she had a vampire as a brother.

“What do we think of this little number,” your hip jut, innocent as it was, just now became a permanent memory in Harry’s brain, “too much, like.. revealing?”

You like nice in red; devilish, even, and in the best way possible. There’s nothing revealing about the dress at all. Somehow, though, he finds himself perched squeamishly at the foot of your bed in complete fucking anguish. In theory, no, the dress is not too much. It’s the perfect ensemble and flatters you so well he feels like whoever made the dress conjured it up with you specifically in mind.

And no, it’s not too much, for literally anyone else except him. How is such a modest dress enough for him to think you up the way he is right now; bent over in front of him with your hair wrapped tightly up in his palm while that dress lays in a sloppy ball by his feet.

“Would be nice with nude shoes,” he mules, “like, those sandals y’ave, yeah?”

The way your eyes light up, that same way they always do when your mind starts to move at light’s speed as you start assembling a million different ideas into one, is enough to tug a grin onto his mouth.

He didn’t really want to agree to this. When you texted first to ask he ignored it, that way you’d have just carried on without him and he could blame a busy schedule or an overrun nap on his delayed response time. It’s much easier to blame a missed text for no response. Of course it’s not in your nature to send a text, and he knew that already. So it came a son surprise when he was bombarded by 4 phone calls. By the fifth one he had picked up, succumbing to you and just the flat out unfulfilled urge he had to hear your voice at the other end of the phone.

“Seriously Harry,” your voice is like fucking honey, sweet and sullen like it always is, and he’s in euphoria listening to it as you poke your earring through the lobe of your left ear, “it’s just, y’know I don’t- I’m nervous and I appreciate you helping me do something as stupid as picking a dress.”

“S’not stupid,” he reassures, “y’know I just like spending time with yeh, since y’so busy ’n stuff.”

Which is true. That’s the only thing that got him over here; and he rescheduled a zoom call just to sit in your bedroom for all of twenty minutes. Not one part of him regretted it, either.

“I’m busy?” You tease, “coming from the A lister who’s in London, than LA, than New York, London again, oh, than LA again oh, then ‘sorry love, m’in Tokyo.’”

Also true, he knows that, which is why he’s snickering at fault in response to your harmless teasing. He wouldn’t say it now, mainly because he doesn’t want to make it weird, but regardless of where he falls on the map he somehow still finds a way to fit you in. He’s never minded doing it, either.

Twenty minutes isn’t enough. Maybe another twenty more could be a sufficient amount. That’s almost an hour, right? Forty minutes is almost a full hour with you and he’d love to get even that much. Or twenty more hours, even, would be that much better. It’s better for him to think of getting more time with you than to let his thoughts wander and remind him of where you’re getting ready to go off to.

A date. It’s why he was so hesitant to come here. It’s hard enough as it is being a prisoner to his own thoughts, being around you and not getting to interact with you the way he actually wants; kiss you the way he wants, touch you the way he wants, hold you and talk to you the way he wants. Adding a new element to the mix, another man getting access to you the way he wants, well that’s just mental warfare.

You don’t know anything about though. And thank God, because if you could get a peak into his thoughts and see just a preview of what he thinks he almost knows for sure you’d ice him out in a heartbeat. He’s got a soft spot for you, nonetheless, which is why he swallowed the massive-sized lump in his throat when you told him you needed help on an outfit for a date and b lined it over to your place.

“Who’s this guy, anyways.” He chimes, following you similar to that of a lost puppy as you start heading towards the staircase, “Like, wha’s he look like ’n stuff.”

Immediately after he asks he wishes he hadn’t. The way that pesky fucking lump reappears when you wiggle your eyebrows in response, stuffing your hand into your leather purse in an attempt to fish out your phone. A simple response like ‘handsome’ or ‘he’s a nice guy’ would’ve sufficed for him. Seriously, that’s all he needed. What he didn’t need was an entire fucking slideshow of an above average looking guy. And he had a cool mustache, to boot, which really pissed Harry off for some reason.

“Should probably shave,” he squints his eyes at the photo you’ve got propped right in front of his face, trying his hardest to act like he isn’t so fucking jealous of that mustache, “kinda looks like a squirrel on his top lip."

“If I didn’t know you so well,” you tut teasingly, “I’d think you’re a dick.”

“You know me so well and still don’t think that?”

He likes the way your laugh sounds, and it makes him happy that he said something amusing enough to drag it out of you. And the toothy smile you pair with it practically knocks the wind right out of him. Everything you do seems to wow him, corny as it sounds. It makes him feel so at ease, and the butterflies he gets each time gets him reminiscing to the days where he was just a kid and had the worlds biggest crush on the girl who sat three rows ahead of him in grade school. He’s giddy and he doesn’t want you to leave for this date.

For a second he thinks about doing something elaborate; breaking his foot or faking an illness so that you literally have no choice but to hang back and look after him. That’s selfish though, and honestly just crazy and super fucked up, so he opts out of that. But he doesn’t want you to go so bad he seriously considers it, especially as you start sorting through the downstairs closet to find a coat that doesn’t clash with your shoes.

He could just be honest. He could just tell you that he doesn’t want you to go, solely because he’s absolutely infatuated with you and for every hour he’s awake and functioning you manage to consume every thought he has. He could just be an adult and tell you he’s got feelings for you that very much surpass a platonic, friendly demeanor. That might be a better way into persuading you to stay back with him than breaking his fucking foot.

“Ok now wait a minute,” he chokes, and there’s a painful twang that strikes his gut when you frown, “gotta tell y’somethin’.”

“What,” you groan, and he swears he would rather die right now than do anything else, “it’s the shoes, right? They make my calves look like I’m a running back don’t they?”

He wants to laugh but he thinks if he opens his mouth he would projectile vomit everywhere. But the thought occurs to him that if he does that than it would be an excellent excuse for you to skip the date. Though, of course, he runs the risk of grossing you out and absolutely humiliating himself all in one go of it.

So he shakes his head no. In fact he loves the shoes, and they make your ankles look slender and really compliment your legs quite nicely. Still, he’s scrambling to string together a coherent sentence because his brain is working a lot faster than the muscles in his mouth are and it feels like someone just super glued his lips shut.

“Speak now or forever hold your peace,” you tease, and the cheeky wink you shoot him over your shoulder just edges him even more if that’s possible at this point, “Styles.”

“I don’t want y’to go on this date, (Y/N).”

He’s well aware that he blurted that out in a way that he really, really, wish he hadn’t. Now the air in the room is stale and heavy, dense too, like someone just sucked all the air out and left the two of you here with nothing to inhale but words and unspecified tension.

And he’s starting to get more anxious as your playful manner dissipates. He can tell your puzzled not just be the demeanor of your face, but by the stance of your body because your letting shoulders hang the way you do when you’re a little uncomfortable.

“Oh,” you breath, and his chest starts sinking inward, “okay, I just- well why not? Do I not.. like, do I look bad or something?”

“No,” he coos, and he feels like the worlds biggest asshole when you start to frown, “No y’don’t- Christ, (Y/N) y’look amazing. Y’always look so fuckin’ amazing. It’s just-”

“What,” you huff, “than what is it, than? Why wouldn’t you want me to go?”

He’s really done it now. The proper thing to do would’ve just been to let you go, walk out with you and watch you drive off before he headed home himself. The proper thing to do would’ve been for him to just go home and think about you on a date with someone other than himself, curled up in a ball watching a Friends episode he’s already seen four times while he felt sorry for himself. But that’s not what happened, and what he should’ve done was just broke the fucking foot like he initially thought to do. That would’ve been less agonizing than this.

“Because,” he’s frustrated now, not with you but really just himself, “I should be taking y’out. M’absolutely in love with yeh, (Y/N), and I don’t have a cool mustache but I could take y’out on a date, ’n I want to so bad.”

There’s still that dense energy looming in the room, and his gut now too as he feels it winding up tightly in an anxious bundle of knots and twists. You’re not saying anything and the only thing he notices is that you’re breathing is vaguely staggered and your clutching onto that purse in your hand like he’s about to snatch it and run off. God, he should’ve just broken the foot!

“Please don’t go out wit him,” and now, his voice is small, “think it might kill me.”

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insanitysilver · 4 years

Text

Great for commutes/while doing chores/etc. Also great for proofreading your own stuff! I made version 1.0 in 2015, but the program I recommended has since switched over to a monthly subscription-base model (boooo). So, here’s my new, still free, 2020 method:

1. Choose and Download Your Fanfic:

AO3 comes with download options, and of them HTML tends to play the nicest. Viewing then downloading the fic using AO3’s ‘Entire Work’ option will save you some time. Copy and pasting the entire body of the text will works too. For FFN, you’re going to either have to a.) use a third party site to download fics (sketchy) or b.) install a userscript that reenables copy-paste (more labor intensive).

2. Choose Your Text-to-Speech Software:

First, you’ll need text-to-speech software. There are many options on the market, some free, some not. For this tutorial, we’ll be using Balabolka. A free program made Ilya Morozov in 2010 that he’s continued to update and work on since. It’s Windows-only for now. (Mac and Linux users might want to look into Natural Reader since that’s web-based, though the free version offers less functionality.)

Balabolka Pros:

Can export audio files

Can create multiple custom pronunciation dictionaries!!!

Change pitch and speed of read-aloud voice

Sleep timer!

Very customizable interface

It’s free

Balabolka Cons:

Doesn’t come with additional voices. Only uses default Windows voices + any extra additional ones you’ve installed.

It’s freeware maintained by one man for free, so patches and bug fixes will come slower.

3. Download and Install Balabolka

As of Nov. 17th, 2020, Balabolka’s official website is cross-plus-a (dot) com. Google it. If the site layout changes in the future just check that the bottom still says ‘Copyright © 2006-2020 Ilya Morozov’ so you know you’re in the right place.

Upon downloading, if you’re using Windows 10 you might get this pop-up:

Here Windows is checking the program for an EV Code Signing Certificate. Basically, checking its credentials. Getting and keeping an EV Certificate costs the developer(s) ~$100+ yearly, so bc a program doesn’t have one doesn’t inherently mean its not safe. That’s the trade-off for freeware. No money goes in, so no money can go out to get certified. As always, do your due diligence before downloading any program to your computer, and read up on the benefits and risks of freeware if you’re not familiar with them already. *gets off soap box*

Pressing More Info will allow you to continue installation.

4. Get to Know the Program

Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle! Upon opening the program you’ll be greeted with this interface. Feel free to open your HTML file or paste some sample text to start playing around with.

Areas of Note:

These are essentially your voice engine options and will vary computer to computer. Click through the tabs to see where your default voices are stored. If you buy additional voices from a 3rd party they’ll show up here too.

Up under View you can change the font settings and the program’s skins. Nifty.

Meet your new favorite button: The Panel of Dictionaries.

5. Fix the Pronouciations (Optional)

Chances are your fic has internet slang like t/n, or non-english words, or fantasy terms, or maybe just an unusual surname that your voice bank refuses to pronouce correctly. Balabolka makes it quite easy to fix that. I have a more in-depth tutorial for this on my blog.

Balabolka can also switch voices within a single document. This could be useful for differentiating dialogue or forcing correct pronunciation of foreign names if you have voice banks in multiple languages and the original characters at your disposal. Tutorial for that here.

6. Convert Your Fic, And You’re Done!

The hardest part is long since past. Now that you’ve got your settings worked out and the pronunciation as good as it’s gonna get, time to press either ‘Save Audio File’ or ‘Split and Convert to Audio Files’:

Notes about File Types

Mp3 – compressed for smaller file size, pretty universally playable

Mp4 – refined compression, (potentially) even smaller file size, widely accepted, but not universal

WAV – no compression, high quality, large file sizes

For multi-chapter fics:

I highly recommend using ‘Split and Convert to Audio Files’, as trying to export a 100k fic as a sound file takes forever (esp WAVs), and is very unruly to navigate as a listener.

10k words roughly equates to an hour of audio

Pick through the options offered for what suits your needs best. For AO3 HTML files I have good luck picking ‘two empty lines in succession’ if you’re trying to divide by chapter.

Next Balabolka lets you preview the cuts you’re about to make. Truly a kind and forgiving piece of software. I recognize my own chapter titles, so it’s easy for me to uncheck anything that doesn’t belong.

Fix the settings to your liking on that and BING! Finished! Oh, and whenever you finish a fic remember to go back and leave a review! Sweet reviews make authors write faster!

End Notes:

So the first time takes a bit, but after that you can convert fics in under ten minutes.

A text-to-speech program isn’t going to beat out a real living, breathing narrator. Not this decade anyway. If you find yourself using Balabolka a lot and crave a smoother voice than Microsoft David’s, it might be time to look into buying a 3rd party voice bank. CereProc makes my favorites, and the personal use licenses cost ~$35. Balabolka + a CereProc voice is still much cheaper than most of the other software on the market and honestly outperforms a lot of it. Also throw a donation Ilya Morozov’s way through his website since he’s maintained this program freely for a decade and helped a lot with accessibility through doing so.

Example text is from ‘The Secret Desires of Buddy Valastro’ by perfectcannolis, and thank you to @bearfoottruck who informed me about balabolka to begin with.

#fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #fan fiction #ffn #ffnet #fan fic #archive of our own #mine

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charles-edwin · 2 years

Note

Mj, it's me, your Mjholic 🧡 you know i rewatched episode 9 and i want to bring to your attention one thing: in preview for episode 10 Akk is the sweetest husband for Theo!! He cooks, he wraps Theo in his warmest embrace, he brings comfort, i won't be surprised if he feeds him (although Theo looks so gloomy so it probably won't happen), he says reassuring words and confesses his love (and for me his words about how he will be always by Theo's side IS confession) in such soft voice, he kisses Theo on the forehead!!! I can't wait to see this transition you know? In first half of episode we will see how Theo and Sun talk, Theo will look at his fox pillow thoughtfully, Akk will say his line about perfect guys... And then Akk in Theo's house. Akk takes care about Theo. Akk is completely happy to take care about Theo (judging by his smiles and face expression and because it's Akk, he LOVEs taking care about Theo). I want to know what Theo said to him that caused that healing effect on Akk's heart and self esteem hehe. Also... I do not want to say goodbye to our boys and te te besties 😭

BELOVED!!!! HI!!!! ❤️💙

YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!!! enchanté is going out with the biggest domestic banger and we expect nothing less 🥺

saaaame!!! i’m DYING to see them making up!!!

and you know something i’ve noticed, that even as theo stormed off, mind fuzzy with alcohol and heart filled with grief, he never broke up with akk nor asked him to stay away. it’s a tough moment and it will pass

so a part of me wishes theo would tell akk, “not even in one of my darkest moment, full of blind rage that was honestly just grief, i’ve never thought about breaking up with you. i’ll never wanted that and i want to make this work every day, especially through the hardest ones”

because communication is the key!!! and akk would light up like the most beautiful christmas tree!!! and hearts would settle into reassuring hands full of glee 🥺🥺🥺

honestly, this week has been really hard for me. i’ve been randomly bursting into tears and feeling anxious all the time and i think a big part of it is because i don’t want to say goodbye to enchanté 😭😭😭

but there’s nothing i can do about that, i can only enjoy each moment with all i have

and i hope the te te besties stay together, even if just for a while because i’ll need my emotional support besties 🤣🤣

anyways! stay strong in there!!! you’re not alone!!!

#mjholic #mj got mail!

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dnightshade0 · 2 years

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DUN! DUN! DUN! MATPAT THE THEORIST KING! XD

Was watching some film theory vids on YouTube. I found out that apparently Matpat actually has a kid. Which surprised me cause man he looks young for a dad X3 lol

But while watching his film theory about the lion king, I started getting IDEAS LOL XD

And I came up with this.

This is my idea.

The work I did in these pics are some of the facial inserts, talk bubbles, action lines and the main title. (And let me tell you, making the main title was NOT easy! You’d think all it took was just typing in words and that’s it but it’s not. It was impossible to find the right font for this title. It turns out the original font for the lion king is litterally labeled “ lion king” and despite trying to get a free download of the font, it turns out the downloads are not as advertised! So I had to do it the hard way, turns out these free download sites have a preview option, so I decided to do some cheating since their giving false fonts. Typed out what I wanted to see it in the preview window, took a screenshot and then edited it in photoshop. Then a lot of copying, cutting, pasting and resizing! The title was the hardest part of making this funny bit)

I obviously do NOT take credit for the screenshots and pics. This is all photoshoped.

I got the faces of matpat and his son off a Google search. Took screenshots from the lion king movie.

I did this cause I though it was funny. I honestly wonder how Matpat and his wife steph would think of this.

To be honest, I think it would be awsome to see matpat’s editing team make an animated version of this with matpat’s voice and everything. X3

Really I think they could do this way cooler. I’m just an amateur with this stuff, and seeing an improved version of this by film theory would be awesome!

Imagine, matpat being the theorist king and his son will someday inherit the title and be the next theorist king X3

But then got alittle too eager and decides to overthrow daddypat XD lol

-> link to the film theory channel <-

Also bonus pic!

#matpat #the lion king #I regret nothing! XD #I do this for the sake of comedy! X3 #film theory #game theory #food theory #matpat’s kid

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starlight-vixen-emiko · 3 years

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WIP Wednesday 9/29/2021

Hey everyone! October is finally approaching and it is finally time to unveil a fanfic that has been in my files since last October.

I didn’t finish it last year because I was too late but...I am almost done with it I just got to edit it and.....I am stuck at the ending.

Basically this is a fanfic about the Lukanette and Adrigami kids being the new miraculous heroes and these kids just couldn’t have a normal Halloween.

The main character is Marinette and Luka’s oldest son Leon...Who is the new Ladybug!

Yeah, I couldn’t resist making Marinette’s son the new Ladybug.

Anyway here’s a sneak preview...I apologize for roughness.

~~~~~

Halloween this year is going to be a bit special. My family and Masamori's family are throwing a big Halloween party at the Tsurugi-Agreste estate.

Uncle Adrien and Auntie Kagami mentioned that both of them were under strict rules from their parents when they were young. And while Uncle and Auntie ran one of the biggest businesses in France and Japan they at least wanted to throw fun parties and give back to the community.

The party included a giant candy bath that Uncle Adrien said he wanted ever since he was a kid.

Masamori and I both wore vampire outfits that my mother made special for us. I was checking my fangs and Masamori got behind me with his phone.

"Smile Leon!" He said.

I gave a sheepish smile with my fangs and Masa snapped the mirror selfie of us.

My old man dressed in goth clothes and was busy preparing for the musical entertainment. My old man always had more style and grace than I do. I am usually known as Luka Couffaine’s son.

"I'm so excited!" Marina cried as she ran into the main room wearing her blue lizard outfit.

I walked over to my fiery younger sister. "Marina, with an outfit like that, someone is going to find out you are Serphina."

Erina ran up to me, she glared at me while wearing a magical girl outfit but I wasn't stirred by this sassy girl.

"Her outfit is inspired by Sephina, Lee-kun!" Erina spat.

I rolled my eyes. "And clearly you needed a cuter outfit than Kitty Noir."

Erina scoffed and I went back to my business. I watched Auntie and Uncle prepare the event and listened to my dad warming up. My Aunt looked cool dressed as a samurai and my Uncle looked both cool and dorky dressed as a superhero. Kagami-San was as composed as a samurai and Adrien-San was trying his hardest to look cool.

Eventually my mom came into the room, she wore a goth dress that matched my dad's goth outfit.

"They're finally ready!" My mom said excitedly.

Everyone turned their heads to see Melanie and Aiden dressed up in the most adorable princess and prince outfits.

Kagami and Adrien rushed over to their youngest son to dote on him with adoring comments.

"Marinette, you have outdone yourself tonight," Kagami said.

"You kids should try theater one day," Adrien said as he patted Aiden’s head.

Erina and Marina however giggled a bit.

"You guys are so cute," Erina said.

"You guys aren't even trying to be subtle this time," Marina teased.

"Huh?" Melanie and Aiden said in unison. The two 9-year-olds were wide eyed and innocent as usual.

Erina shook her head and said "Nevermind!" And Marina and Erina left to laugh some more.

Well now Masamori and I could go on with our plans.

Dad stroked Melanie's hair. "Well you always were my little princess Mel, you're as beautiful as your mother."

Melanie blushed. "I love you daddy!" She cried.

"So are you two ready to head out on the town?" Masamori said politely as he played with his cape.

Aiden and Melanie nodded.

"I waited all month for this!" Aiden cried as he threw his hands up.

"Whoa!" Adrien cried. "We were hoping you kids would be part of the party."

I smiled. "We'll be back at the party later Adrien-San. We just promised Melanie and Aiden we would take them out tonight."

Kagami-san was a bit distraught as well but she took Adrien-San's hand and smiled. "Let them go for a bit, they are growing up."

Adrien-San seemed a bit distressed by that reminder.

Masamori and I noticed that Marina and Erina were also heading for the exit.

"Marina, where are you off to in such a hurry?" My dad asked, calmly but sternly/

"Erina!" Kagami-San cried hastily. "Where are you off to?"

Marina and Erina were both dumbstruck. "We were invited to a party hosted by some friends," Marina said.

"There's no way we could miss it!" Erina cried. “There’s a haunted house and everything.”

Adrien-San gave a sour look. "You'll kids will miss out on all the fun."

My mom sighed. "We should let them go, you girls will certainly be missed though."

Kagami nodded in agreement.

Marina smiled and nodded. "Thanks a lot mom."

"And if both of you cause trouble you will spend next Halloween in your room," Mom said. Her serious tone was certainly backed up by her goth outfit.

Kagami pulled out her real samurai sword in agreement.

Marina and Erina gave shocked expressions.

"Fine!" They said in unison before finally leaving.

I got a good laugh out of that and then turned to my parents and Masa's parents.

"We'll take good care of the prince and princess I promise," I said.

My dad placed a loving arm around my mom and my mom smiled down at me. "I have faith in the great protectors of Paris."

My mom, the Ladybug before me having faith in me is all I could ask for. Honestly I didn’t feel like I was in my mother’s shadow unlike my father.

Aiden smiled up at me and Masa. "So are you ready to escort us around Halloweentown Alacurd and Dracula-San?"

Masamori bowed. "It is a pleasure to escort an Ouji-Sama and Hime-Sama.”

#my babies!!!!#pro lukamari #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette fankids #adrigami #adrigami fankids #my writing #my fanfiction #wip wednesday

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Preview: Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Two

Tag List: @unknownoblivion @edwardtriggerhandzz @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie @divaanya @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @liith-ium @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @ytwahsog @scarecrowmax @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @meetthesixxter @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg

@fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @blowinmeupwithherlove @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @redlipscrystalskies14 @str4nge-haze @reigns420 @sixxseconds2love @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @allyouneedislove-mp3 @n0-self-c0ntro1 @viinceneil @gingerspicetalks

.+EXPLICIT SEXUAL SITUATIONS

My nails dig through Duff's back, my legs tightly around his hips, his hands in my hair as his lips kiss hotly at my neck, making me shudder.

He lets out a sharp breath, signaling he's about to finish, and I nudge him off of me, pushing him to the bed, my hand finding his cock before my lips follow suite, my mouth sucking and licking at him as my hand keeps a tight but loose enough grip on him, jerking him off.

"Fuck, Vivian," he chuckles with a moan thickly wrapping around it, his hand in my hair.

When I hum around him he's done for, spilling down my throat.

Once he's done I get off of him and kiss up his stomach, his chest, his neck, finding his lips, his hand gently around my throat for a moment and I sigh when we pull away before falling back to catch my breath.

Usually he's all for laying here with me, but he sits up after a moment and swings his legs to the side of the bed.

"Nooo," I grumble, crawling to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, my bare chest against his back before I lean down to press a kiss to the back of his neck. "Stay in bed."

"I would if I could." He tells me, his fingers running up and down my arm. "I got rehearsal, Viv."

"You can blow off one rehearsal." I suggest, my nails grazing over his collar bone.

"I did on the tour, remember?" He chuckles, patting my hand, about to stand up.

"Okay, well, settle for being just a little late." I say next, not letting him leave my arms, my nose grazing his cheek.

"Viv, c'mon, I can't do that. The guys need me."

"Don't act like if any of them had me in bed they wouldn't blow the rest of you off." I tell him sarcastically.

"They wouldn't because it'd be a miracle if any of them got you in bed--especially Axl."

"Duff, please?" I try my hardest and he won't budge.

"I'll be back later, alright?" I finally let go and he turns his back to me to put his pants on and I roll my jaw and lean back, sliding my hand between my legs, waiting for him to turn around.

When he does, his eyes slightly widen, the obvious internal struggle taking place, I just look him directly in the eyes, bring fingers to my mouth to taste myself, before sliding them back down to pleasure myself under his attention.

"Just a little late." He says to himself, jumping on me, making me laugh and lose focus as he kisses at my chest, my arms and legs wrapping around him tightly, not wanting to let him go.

We hadn't talked about the heroin, I didn't know how to ask and I didn't even know if he knew I knew about it. I was used to brushing it under the rug with Nikki, I didn't know how to approach Duff about it. But I learned pretty damn quick when it happened a second time.

"Vivian? Can we please talk?" Duff asks from the other side of the bathroom door and I sniffle, hugging my legs tighter to me.

"I don't have anything to say to you. Your brother said it all." I tell him and he sighs.

"Viv, I'm a fucking idiot, alright? I didn't mean anything by it, I just wanted to try it and honestly it's fucking morbid so I'm not doing it again." He assures me.

"I've heard that before and eight months later I found out he'd gone from smoking it to injecting it, Duff." I remind him and he's quiet for a moment. "Your brother was right, Duff...how the hell do you try the thing that's killed so many of your friends back home and ruined the lives of the ones it hasn't killed yet?"

More silence.

"I don't need another junkie to raise in a relationship, Duff, so if that's what you wanna get into this isn't gonna work--"

He struggles with the door, and I relent, standing up and opening it.

"I'm not Nikki. Quit comparing me to him because I'm not him." He tells me. "And I am sorry I came home like that and brought back all the shit from Nikki and freaked you out. I'm not gonna do it anymore, Vivian, I promise I'm not. I don't like the way it makes me feel, I don't like how hard it is to come out of it and I don't like you looking at me like I'm the next one that's gonna break you because I'm not." He tells me. "I love you, I honestly do, and I'm not gonna do it again, just please forgive me for being a fucking asshole." He pleads.

I can tell he's being sincere.

"Okay." I tell him, tears in my eyes. "Just please don't do that to me again, Duff, please." He grabs me and wraps his arms around me, squeezing me to him.

"Viv, I promise I'm not." He says soothingly.

He stayed true to his promise, and he wouldn't break me over Heroin, but his alcoholism and coke addiction only a few short years later would nearly take a bigger toll on me than Nikki's drug addiction and cheating combined.

#gateway drug

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randomluck-ofthe-universe · 4 years

Note

I understand that pr is difficult to deal with emotionally, but it does make me sad that at any mention of it there are always people who are so quick to change their minds and doubt. We talk so much about knowing the truth but then get so caught up in the narrative that they are selling. a few lines of written pr is not all timmy is. It's meant to make us doubt. This lets them win. white noise what an awful sound (scott), they will terrorize us with new confusion (timmy). Nothing has changed <3

If we can't see beyond the smokes of PR narrative, if doubts come every time and they are capable of making us change our mind about them and their bond, I wonder where are all the esteem, trust and deep affection that every day here we're declaring to feel for these two men. And then we truly believe in their love, are truly convinced that we always support them, because for me the word "support" has a full, profound meaning and should be even stronger in difficult moments, or a breath of wind is enough to make us immediately change your mind? Whenever yet another PR show kicks off, they're the ones who have to endure and deal with the hardest part of that shit, not us who are just watching it, cause we're talking about their life, their feelings and how heavy is this situation for a long, too long time for them by now. If there's a price to be paid to finally be together, they'll pay it whenever it is needed cause their goal is more important than everything and it's the only one thing they never be willing to give up. And I can only esteem and love them even more for this and for all that they face every time. Honestly I believe it's the most real demonstration of the strength and intensity of their love.

"... Through the fog and the storm I can see you

This is real life baby, not a preview

Take me to the moon up to the stars

'Cause it's only the two of us."

"... I’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong

Ignore everybody else

We’re alone now... "

"... And they will paralyze us

With new illusions

Let the dead revive the beast within

And I say, love

Come run away with me

Sweet falling remedy

Come run away with me

And I say, love

Come run away with me

Sweet falling fantasy

Come run away with me

And I say, love

And I will bring you life

A new communion

With a paradise that brings the truth of light within

And I will show you rapture

A new horizon

Follow me to life and love within

And I say, love

Come run away with me

You're all I ever need

Come run away

And I say, love."

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houseofhurricane · 3 years

Text

ACOTAR Fic: Bloom & Bone (5/32) | Elain x Tamlin, Lucien x Vassa

Summary: Elain lies about a vision and winds up as the Night Court’s emissary to the Spring Court, trying to prevent the Dread Trove from falling into the wrong hands and wrestling with the gifts the Cauldron imparted when she was Made. Lucien, asked to join her, must contend with secrets about his mating bond. Meanwhile, Tamlin struggles to lead the Spring Court in the aftermath of the war with Hybern. And Vassa, the human queen in their midst, wrestles with the enchantment that turns her into a firebird by day, robbing her of the power of speech and human thought. Looming over all of them is uniquet peace in Prythian and the threat of Koschei, the death-god with unimaginable power. With powers both magical and monstrous, the quartet at the Spring Court will have to wrestle with their own natures and the evil that surrounds them. Will the struggle save their world, or doom it?

A/N: I both love and hate writing Lucien (and Vassa! more of her soon) because he's really smart and perceptive, and honestly it's always easier to write characters who know less than I do. But these are my very favorite characters to read about, so, you know, writing growth? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You can read early previews of the next chapter every Tuesday by following @house.of.hurricane on Instagram. And as always, you can read all chapters at AO3 if you prefer. You can find all chapters here.

Lucien watches the despair in Elain’s eyes transfigure itself into fear. On reflex, he reaches for the place her hands should be, but his fingers slice through the air. He works his way up her arms, his fingers skittering to find whatever is left of her body, and when he feels her elbow, her upper arm, the curve of her shoulder, his breath rushes into his lungs, pure relief.

“You’re all right,” he says, his palms on her shoulders, a lie he needs her to believe. He’s long suspected that the Cauldron gave Elain some formidable magic and that she has never learned to wield it, and now he thinks that gift is swallowing her up. He does not want her to see his fear, to begin to panic. He takes another deep breath, forces his heart to slow.

“What is so wrong with me?”

She reaches out for him again and he notices that her sleeves do not move as if they’re empty. The fabric moves around a wrist that is no longer present in the world, a magic Lucien knows is beyond his capability to resolve. It lacks the familiar resonance of spells or Fae power, as if whatever has hold of Elain is more tightly woven into the fabric of this world.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” he says, instead. His fingers press against her shoulder blades, his thumbs against her clavicles, the bones that are solid and here. He has heard all the meanings in her question and answers the one he knows will infuriate her most, distract her from the disappearance of her hands. “I didn’t think you’d realize. I didn’t think you even wanted me.”

She sighs, too polite to agree or tell an obvious lie.

“I wanted to want you,” she says, the rage and panic slipping from her voice, a cool despair taking hold. He feels for her elbows and cannot find them, and Lucien realizes, trying to contain his smile, that he’s figured out the rules of this game. Sometimes the world feels as simple as a key in a lock.

“You were always looking elsewhere. How could you imagine I wouldn’t get tired of rejection?”

“Aren’t we all going to live for thousands of years?”

“So you thought I could wait for at least one hundred.”

“I thought you would let me…” He watches her eyes carefully focus on his, trying to hide her thinking as she reaches for the right word. The cover might fool anybody else, but Lucien has been looking for tells since he could walk, trying to survive the Autumn Court.

“I think you are only upset because you feel discarded,” he says, quickly, and feels her elbow against his palm.

“You smell of Vassa. The human queen.”

“You were a human not so long ago.” How quick she is to adopt the High Fae prejudices, sneer when she says the word human. He would be more annoyed if he didn’t feel her arms rematerializing.

“My sister told me how you treated her.” The swerve to this insult is clumsy, a baby’s first steps, but he’s still intrigued by this seeming transfiguration to Elain’s personality. Previously, she has dealt out all her slights with silence, at least where he’s concerned.

“And yet you stay in Tamlin’s home.” He keeps his voice low and silky, which he knows is infuriating.

“I thought he was your friend.” Her cheeks are pink and Lucien wonders if maybe he’ll be spared from this deception sooner than he thought.

Below her sleeves, Elain’s wrists are now visible.

“Our lives are too long for you to remain an ornament,” he says, casting around for an insult strong enough to really rouse her, force her to stay. Somehow Lucien has always been asked to rescue the women who will fall in love with other men, which is probably why Vassa is so eminently capable of saving herself.

“You’ve made me into an ornament!”

And when she swings a hand toward him, he doesn’t mind the ineffectual slap because he feels the tips of her fingers on his cheek. Still, when Elain runs toward the house, her whole body intact, he wonders if she even realizes what happened, its magnitude and implications. Even after all his years of attention and scheming, he cannot quite conjure an explanation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elain cannot stop running one hand over the other, tracing the curve of her fingernail, her knuckle, the tendons at the back of her hands and the bones of her wrists. You’re here, you’re whole, you have all your fingers and all your toes, she whispers to herself, sounding like Feyre fussing over Nyx.

She had still felt her fingers, her arm, connected to her body, but they were distant, prickling, as if she’d slept on them and the blood was reentering each limb. Where had she gone?

Elain does not think much on the argument with Lucien. She’d seen the panic in his eyes, surely a mirror of her own. His words were a frantic spell, a summoning.

Her mind catches, instead, on the look when he’d found her screaming and wailing all her grief. The pity in his eyes. She cannot imagine how this male is supposed to be her mate, her one true love.

Gradually she banishes the image of him from her mind. She replaces him with the surety of her fingers, the line of dirt that never disappears from under her fingernails without magic, the little etchings at each knuckle. All present and near and normal.

She falls asleep without eating her dinner, her hands clutched around each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That could have gone better,” Vassa says by way of hello, as soon as Lucien walks into her bedroom. There’s no point in distance, now that Elain already knows what’s between them. Still, Lucien hesitates before he kisses Vassa. The lie is relatively easy to maintain when he’s far from Elain, but now they will be close for weeks or months, maybe longer. Now he will have to practice some form of daily pining, particularly for Tamlin, who knows the way the mating bond can wreak havoc on a male.

“She’s more observant than I remembered,” he says, unbuttoning his tunic. The hardest part of all this lying are the words he says to Vassa, which are often so unlike the phrases he wants to bestow on her.

“Is this the way all mates behave?”

“Sometimes our marriages are political. I’ve heard this is a common practice in the human realms.”

Vassa swats him.

“You forget how long I’ve been around your people, now.”

“Hardly any time at all, for us.” He drapes his tunic over her desk, where she’s left pages covered with her blots and scribbles out for anyone to read. Was Vassa always so trusting, or does she simply believe her thoughts are so uninteresting for his people to contemplate? Her handwriting is bad enough that it’s possible she believes no one will bother to decipher it.

“I never knew you to be cruel,” she says, and when he turns to her he sees the hurt in Vassa’s eyes.

“I would never hurt you.”

She sighs from her chest, the sound as deep as a groan.

“A queen is expected to have better judgement.”

“The situation is more complex than it appears.”

“Men often say this in simple situations when they are in the wrong.”

Vassa’s shoulders are thrown back, her arms across her chest. She has told him that queens must show mercy but also embody justice, and Lucien has no doubts about which quality she thinks is vital in this moment.

“Do you know how easy it would be for a High Fae of certain talents to learn all of the secrets in your mind?” He’s begun to work on the buttons of his shirt, hoping he can distract her from an argument, though he knows from experience that at this point, when her eyes are bright and calculating, that any attempt is futile.

“You’ve shown me how to make a mental shield and you’ve told me secrets.”

“This secret endangers the peace between our courts.” He does not tell her a skilled daemati could storm her mental shields in a second. Vassa is rightfully proud of her own strength and cunning, and he has caused her enough hurt tonight.

“And yet you’ve made it obvious to anybody who cares to pay attention.”

“Tell me what you think you know.”

“Elain Archeron is not your mate.”

He keeps his face too still and triumph flashes on her face, transfigured quickly into a more sober expression as her mind whirls into action, her eyes now a brighter blue, her lower lip caught between her teeth, an expression he wants to memorize and study until he can never forget it.

“That would only be a political disaster if you knew her real mate,” she says, moments later. Her voice is hushed but still the words echo. “And why has he or she not challenged you?”

“I’m not sure,” he says, glad that he can tell her this truth, for the wide description that shows that Vassa hasn’t guessed they’re in the grand home of Elain Archeron’s actual mate. “I would have thought--”

“Tell me.” Vassa steps toward him, extends her hand.

“You are safest if I tell you nothing.” He reaches for her hands, twines her fingers in his own. Her skin is so soft, so new. He would not be surprised to learn that the spell remakes her body completely each evening.

She raises her eyebrow, refusing to be drawn in completely. “I am under a curse and bound to a death-lord, Lucien. You think I’m afraid of a little court intrigue?”

“All of our monsters have been awfully good to you.” He presses a kiss to her jaw, her earlobe. He’ll make a map of her, catalogue the way Vassa feels against his lips. He doesn’t want to think of Elain or Tamlin any longer. The only benefit to this evening’s scene should be that he can share a room with Vassa to only moderate approbation.

“Tell me, Lucien.”

“What if I share another revelation?”

“Dazzle me, Lucien Vanserra,” she says, her voice so dry he lets out a bark of laughter in spite of himself. Cauldron boil this woman’s enemies, the ambassadors who will visit Scythia from foreign courts.

“Elain was weeping when I found her.”

“Naturally. Her mate was dallying with another woman.”

“I can’t tell if you’re making sport of me,” he says.

“I feel sorry for the girl.”

“You’re barely older than she is.”

“Some women -- or females, I suppose -- remain girls longer than others. Anyway, she was weeping.”

“The word might not be strong enough. She was screaming loud enough to rouse the village. But when she heard me approach, her hands had disappeared.”

“Surely you’ve seen more impressive magic in your storied centuries.”

He explains the buried quality of the magic, the way the reappearance of Elain’s hands had been so clearly connected to her emotions, her seeming lack of comprehension at all that had happened.

“That seems a useful talent, if she could control it. An invisible woman would make a perfect spy. Do you think that’s why she was sent here?”

“I don’t think Elain is in control of any of her powers.”

“She has others?”

“Rhysand has never said exactly what, but I gather that he and his court have noticed that she has other abilities. But I’d be surprised if this wasn’t the first time this disappearance manifested itself.”

“Perhaps you’re underestimating her. She could be gathering intelligence for the Night Court.”

“If so, Rhysand would never have summoned us.”

“He doesn’t trust our host.”

“I wouldn’t put it past Rhys to contrive a situation where Elain and I were trapped in the same house.”

“The firebird would be included for what, romantic lighting?”

He pulls her close against him, so that the embroidery of her gown lays down its marks on his skin.

“Included for your knowledge of Koschei,” he says, because on the whole it is a relief to tell her the truth, “and also for my great good luck.”

Vassa lifts her cheek from his shoulder to smile at him and despite the evening’s events, he smiles back at her, celebrates the tiny solitary miracle that is the two of them together in her room. No matter the secrets, the lies he has to tell to contain them, Lucien finds himself believing in that moment that everything will be all right.

He’s always found delusion to be a particularly heady emotion.

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In the morning, before dawn, Lucien is in a rush, fumbling with his clothes and pulling Vassa from her bed before she transforms and singes the mattress. Tamlin’s servants meet them at the door with a wrapped breakfast that he doubts Vassa will have a chance to eat, and sure enough, before they’re halfway across the gardens, Vassa is a firebird, flapping her wings across the lavender sky, the new dawn.

She does not speak in this form but she follows him easily as he makes his way through the trees, looping and diving to get a better idea of the terrain. In this form she is formidable but still very exposed, and since the war, she’s learned to be vigilant.

After an hour of walking, they reach the lake nearest to Tamlin��s estate, and Vassa launches herself at the sparkling water. Around her, the water bubbles, the steam rising from the place where she dove. Lucien settles himself on a boulder and scans the forest, palms his dagger in one hand and his breakfast in the other. When he’s sure that the only sounds are Vassa’s splashing and the other birds awakening, he puts the knife down and eats the bread and eggs and cheese, watching her flames mirrored on the surface of the water.

Tending to Vassa was the work of servants for months before Lucien took it over, well before they’d wound up in their latest arrangement. He enjoys watching the world wake up, loves watching her transformation, imagining the way that she beholds the world in this form. She has trouble describing the experience, only its limitations, but he can see Vassa’s character inside the bird, her watchfulness and unbroken spirit. If he does not keep her sufficiently entertained, she’ll splash him or draw close enough to leave a burn on his sleeve. As a result, Lucien has told her nearly all of his stories, decades of court intrigue and gossip, rivalries and petty jealousies and tendres. At first, he wrapped these stories in fine telling, with voices and dramatic pauses as if she were a paying audience. But gradually, as they grew more familiar, he began to tell her the stories and secrets that stuck inside him, his voice low and sometimes hesitant. He’s told her about Jessaminda, about Tamlin’s kindness and his rage, the way that despite most evidence to the contrary, he still doesn’t fully trust the Night Court. During these stories, Vassa always watches him with her great blue eyes, still as a swan while she circles the lake.

At night, Vassa will tell him her own secrets, the intrigues of her court, and though Lucien had long scorned the human realms, he finds herself drawn in by the tales, asking her questions, trying to better envision her world.

Behind him, a fallen branch cracks under a foot and the birds scatter. Lucien is on his feet in an instant, Vassa a warm fire close behind.

When he sees the golden beast, Lucien takes a breath before returning his dagger to his belt. Tamlin has appeared more in control lately, but he’s witnessed enough of his old friend’s behavior over the past few years that Lucien can’t be sure there won’t be an explosion.

“You’ve found a pretty spot to while away the morning,” Tamlin says. The words would be charming if the fangs of the beast weren’t quite so large and sharp.

“I promised to show Vassa your lands.”

“I gather that you’ve made many promises to Vassa.”

Lucien holds himself still. He wants to reach for his dagger, give Tamlin an idea of the danger he’s courting, but knows the gesture would reveal too much. Just this once, he’s grateful that Vassa is unable to speak in this form.

“Rhys recruited you to play matchmaker?” he says instead, trying for the kind of courtly sneer that comes so easily to Eris.

Tamlin shakes his head, sending leaves spiralling out of his golden fur, and then in a flash of light, he’s High Fae again, tall and golden against the trees. Lucien is sure that all the motion was simply a distraction from his shuddering at the idea of being implicated in one of Rhysand’s schemes, however harmless, but once again he wonders if Tamlin senses the mating bond.

“I came to seek your counsel,” Tamlin says.

“Vassa--”

“We’ll stay nearby. You will have the chance to defend your queen.”

Lucien looks toward Vassa, who bobs her head on its long neck as if to say go on.

From behind, Tamlin looks the way he always has, his warrior’s body always ready to strike as he strikes a relentless pace through the trees, and Lucien can imagine that he and Tamlin are the friends they were before Amarantha, before Feyre and the war with Hybern, before the Archeron sisters wound up in the Cauldron. It startles him to think that this before is now long ago, past the human lifespan.

When Tamlin stops, his face is grim, his mouth bracketed by deep lines that Lucien has never seen before.

“Why did Rhysand send you here?” he asks, the words almost lost in his growl. There are talons, now, where his fingers were seconds ago.

“I haven’t spoken to him in weeks,” Lucien says. He’d been avoiding the entire Night Court, thinking of what they’d report back to Elain, the implications. “You were the one who asked me to come here, remember?”

“I forget nothing.” Tamlin’s eyes make Lucien think of trees after an unexpected ice storm, the leaves a deeper, brighter green within their crystallized prison. He’s thinking of Feyre’s escapes, the way Lucien aided her and fled himself. The memories of the High Fae are too long for comfortable recollection.

“His people were investigating Koschei,” Lucien says when it’s clear that Tamlin will not elaborate on his suspicions. This is common enough knowledge by now. He should have found a way to the Night Court over the past week, but he was too focused on those last nights with Vassa which have turned out, now, not to be so finally over after all. “I’m sure that’s why they asked for Vassa. And if Elain was sent to your court, I think that matchmaking is once again the most likely answer.”

Tamlin snorts. “There will be hell to pay when Rhysand finds out you’ve rejected Elain.”

There’s a rustle in the trees and Lucien whirls toward it, his knives in his hands. Nobody appears. Since Amarantha arrived in Prythian, he’s stopped trusting these woods.

“Who is patrolling your borders?” Lucien asks. He hadn’t spotted anyone when he and Vassa approached yesterday, but Tamlin’s sentries know these forests, would surely have been warned about the firebird.

“I keep my lands safe.” His voice is gruff, tight, the pride and shame braided together.

“The army you raised--”

“The people of these lands feared Hybern more than they hated me. Once peace was assured, they went back to their homes.”

“Perhaps a visit from their High Lord would convince them.”

“A High Lord who could offer them what, exactly?”

All at once, Lucien is exhausted with this self-loathing.

“Your people will not love you overmuch when the Autumn Court storms your lands, or if a force from the continent invades. Without a wall, your lands are exposed for the taking.”

“There are tales of the beast who roams these lands.”

“Everyone knows that beast is you, Tamlin.”

A surge of power in the air around them, sharp-toothed. Far away, Lucien hears the beat of wings on water, knows that Vassa felt it.

As he always has, Lucien holds still until Tamlin’s temper ebbs. He imagines what it must be, to feel you’ve had everything you wanted and then have it pulled away. To have been held, Under the Mountain, the principal subject of Amarantha’s poisoned regard.

But this time, Lucien does not feel his own anger melt away. What happens if Vassa is captured, or Elain? Each would command a hefty ransom. Elain could drive the lands to war; he’s still puzzled by her powers but can only conclude that they are mighty and dangerous, if it’s anything like the magic her sisters command. But it’s the image of Vassa, back in Koschei’s clutches, which tears at Lucien’s heart, drives him forward.

“I would help you raise the troops,” he says, the force in his voice a surprise even to himself. “Elain and Vassa could be trusted to rouse support. Your people will remember their roles in the war with Hybern. With a little kindness and a little pleading and ample compensation, all of which are seemingly too much for you, they could even be persuaded to remember the way you double-crossed the king of Hybern and joined the battle at a crucial moment. They can still be rallied, should the High Lord care enough. But you have given up on these people and these lands. You think that once your enemies have slaughtered you, then it will only be oblivion and peace, and that might be true in your own experience, but you forget the fact that when your lands are overrun, it will be your people who suffer day by day. They know this already even if you refuse to acknowledge reality. And so they will not mourn you when your lands are seized and you yourself are killed prowling your imagined borders. You will not be worth a single tear.”

Tamlin’s eyes are wide, and before the anger can burn in them, Lucien stalks off in the direction of the lake.

Behind him, the forest is silent.

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briarlovesclara · 4 years

Text

Memory of a Song

(NOTE: this is an angst fic that contains spoilers for the entirety of River Song’s arc, series 4 (Silence in the Library and Forest of the Dead), and series 5-8, as well as the series 9 Christmas special The Husbands of River Song. Not all material is canon that is quoted.) TW: death/regeneration, wrist mutilation (light)

The red streak startled him. Slowly, he rubbed his fingers over each other, spreading the lipstick onto his thumb, and pressed down as the wave of pain ripped through him. That color.

The plates clattered as he softly stacked them, full for the night. He looked up at her as she ate another biscuit, barely able to take her eyes off of him. With a rare smile, he reached over the table and lightly held her face with his hand. She sighed and leaned into the touch.

"Yes, sweetie?" She asked.

"Just making sure you're still here." He whispered.

"Ever after."

The towel was in his hands before he even noticed it, gently wiping at the smear on his fingers. He wondered idly if it would stain.

He held her face, his much younger now and hers much older. Slowly, he brought her cradled head to his and captured her in a soft kiss.

Even if my timeline kills me, he thinks, I will be ripped to shreds with River Song on my lips.

He rinsed off the towel, slowly wringing it out, and yet the red remained. Did it grow brighter the more he washed?

Her wrist was severely broken. Honestly, it was a wonder that she had gotten it out at all. But if anyone could, it was her.

The pain must be terrible, he thinks, and this thought above all is unbearable.

Gently, he picks up the swollen hand and concentrates deep inside himself. A warmth spreads through him, and he draws the sensation outward through his arms. Ignoring her angry protests, he calmly gives out the energy, healing her as she once healed him, as she will always heal him.

"Look into my eye." He made the Teselecta whisper. She started slightly, looking directly at him. Spinning around, he gave her a wink. His brilliant wife.

"When I was little, I was going to marry you."

"Good idea, let's get married. You stay alive and I'll marry you, deal? Deal?" He said frantically, trying to find a way to save Mels. He couldn't lose anyone, not again, not so soon after River, after the daughter of his best friends, after the strange and inexplicable woman who seemed to know everything about him.

"Shouldn't you ask my parents' permission?"

"As soon as you're well, I'll get them on the phone."

"Might as well do it now, since they're both right here." Mels said with a smirk, earning a confused look from all three of them. "Penny in the air." He watched in awe as golden light began to emanate from her. Who? How? Could she be... how... "Penny drops."

"What the hell's going on?"

"Back! Back! Back! Get back!"

Of course, he mused, that wasn't even the most interesting part of the day. The flirting, the poisoned kiss, the-- he mentally stuttered over the memory-- the voice interface, and of course, his revival. His secret. His moment of connection with her, the indescribable sensation of touching another Gallifreyan being. The towel was dry now, burning his hands as it rubbed against his skin.

The feeling of the silk shifted beneath his fingers, the thread molding to translate. He glanced down.

Oh, God. River.

"And Doctor River Song. Oh, you bad bad girl. What trouble have you got for me this time?" He teased in a low voice, shifting towards her.

The next thing he knew was a sharp pain as her hand whipped past him.

"Okay. I'm assuming that's for something I haven't done yet."

He looked down at the towel. Suddenly, all he wanted was the lipstick as far away from him as possible. He turned on the sink and sharply threw it under the tap before angrily rubbing his face, harder and harder, until he couldn't even feel it anymore.

He looked into her eyes. The impossibility. The mystery. The woman who, though he barely knew, had him wrapped around her finger. Not that he would ever admit it.

"Are you asking?"

"Yes."

"No, hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me" --he ignored the tightening in his stomach-- "or, or, or asking if you were married?"

"Yes."

"No, but was that yes, or yes?" He tried to control the nerves that flooded over him.

"Yes." The one simple word stopped him where he stood for a second as the vision hit him. Holding onto her, having some sort of claim to explain why he craved her company, having her crave him back... No! Spoilers. He reminded himself. Smiling softly, he changed the topic.

"River... who are you?"

"Octavian said you killed a man." The question had been growing inside him ever since the Father had died.

"Yes, I did." She said, suddenly averting his gaze.

"Who?"

"It's a long story, Doctor. It can't be told, it has to be lived. No sneak previews." He had expected as much. "Well, except for this one. You'll see me quite soon, when the Pandorica opens."

This complex, wild woman, he thought. He'd barely ever seen her, but as much as he hated to admit it he couldn't stop thinking about her. He doubted he ever would.

In the mirror, his face was getting red and as raw as his hands. Shouting in anger, he threw the rag at the ground, stomping on it over and over.

"It's not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on."

His eyes were burning as he picked up the towel and tried to rip it apart with sheer strength. When that failed, he bit an edge until it frayed and pulled from there.

"that woman is not dragging me into anything."

A rip appeared.

"Oh Amy, Amy, Amy. This is the Doctor we're talking about. Do you really think it could be anything that simple?"

The cloth snapped bit by bit as the towel surrendered.

"The Aplans."

"The Aplans?"

"They've got two heads."

"Yes, I get that. So?"

"So why don't the statues?"

Snap, snap, snap.

"Look at you. Oh, you're young."

"I'm really not, you know."

"No, but you are. Your eyes. You're younger than I've ever seen you."

"You've seen me before, then?"

"Doctor, please tell me you know who I am."

Snap, snap, snap. Snap, snap, snap.

"What's in that book?"

"Spoilers."

Snap, snap, snap.

"Who are you?"

"Professor River Song, University of--"

"To me."

Snap, snap, snap.

"Who are you to me?"

"Again, spoilers."

Snap, snap, snap. Snap, snap, snap.

"The Doctor in the TARDIS. Next stop, everywhere."

"Spoilers. Nobody can open a TARDIS by snapping their fingers. It doesn't work like that."

"It does for the Doctor."

"I am the Doctor."

"Yeah, some day."

Snap.

"It'll burn out both your hearts and don't think you'll regenerate."

"I'll try my hardest not to die. Honestly, it's my main thing."

Snap.

"The last time I saw you, the real you, the future you, I mean, you turned up on my doorstep, with a new haircut and a suit."

Snap.

"I've had a haircut. This is my best suit."

"It's not even a suit."

The towel broke with a sharp ripping noise, sending him stumbling back. He looked down at the halves, surprised back into the present. He took a deep breath and threw it in the garbage before washing off his hands. His face was red and blotchy-- had he been crying?-- but there was no trace of his wife's last kiss on his lips. Shakily, he put on his sonic shades and the trash can erupted into flame. He turned around from the broken man in the mirror and walked to the TARDIS as the remaining bit of River Song burned.

He didn't let himself look back.

fin

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kuriboo · 4 years

Text

so here we are, y’all. i’ve finally reached the end of the zexal anime, and, uh, it sure was a ride. a ride from start to finish. i’m gonna write out some final thoughts, if i end up forgetting something i might make another post of this, but, don’t count on it. but, before anything, i do intend to read the zexal manga at some point as well, and when i do, you might see me post some funny or interesting screenshots in this tag too? probably not a lot, i don’t know, i’ve never read the zexal manga either. just be aware that the zexal liveblog might not actually be over.

i know people like to talk in terms of zexal i and zexal ii, but hulu doesn’t split up zexal like that, it’s actually in three seasons? i think i generally know what people are referring to with zexal i and zexal ii(?), but i’m genuinely not sure and the terms feel super weird to me anyway, but just to be safe, i’ll refer to things as the first half and the second half. the first half ends with the duel against dr faker and yuma vs kite, part 2 picks up with...whatever the hell happened after the yuma vs kite duel, which certainly wasn’t a continuation of kite’s character arc, but we won’t worry about that.

with that, uh, let’s go high-five the sky

before starting zexal: i’d pretty much watched all the other yugioh series, and was keeping up with vrains as much as i could as it aired. i saw one episode once, before i started watching the whole thing, that aired on some channel we normally don’t get but got a like free preview weekend of it or something. the episode i saw was the episode where yuma meets the guy who makes the statues, i think. whatever it was, the impression i got from what i saw was: this yugioh protagonist is really bad at card games, whines a lot, and his voice kinda grates on me, and also this protagonist is younger than i was at the time, which tended to lead to more annoying behavior. this kid didn’t want to shut up, man. couldn’t sit through the whole thing

so, this was how i rated zexal against the other yugioh series, keeping in mind that this is a rating of series, and not yugioh protagonists, and noting that the members of the A tier are not in any sort of order and all members have equal ratings:

(sevens is unrated because it’s just barely started.)

(there’s not really much of anything that could top gx, tbh, because gx got me through the hardest time, the hardest year, of my life, and i don’t know where i’d be without it. gx helped save 17 year old me from myself)

now, i’ve finished zexal. i’ve watched every single episode of zexal. it’s important to note that i watched the dub of duel monsters, the dubs of gx and 5ds along with the sub of their non-dubbed final seasons, the dub of zexal, the sub of arc v alongside a stretch of dubbed episodes towards the end, and the sub of vrains along with the dub of the first 20 episodes. i’m aware zexal’s sub was better than the dub, but i generally prefer dubs when possible and also i’m largely comparing it against every other yugioh dub. it’s not an unfair comparison.

so, here is how i now rate zexal against the other yugioh series, keeping in mind the members of the A tier aren’t in any sort of order:

you may have noticed this is the same as the previous rating. that’s correct. zexal was my least favorite yugioh series before i began watching it, and now that i’ve finished, it’s still my least favorite yugioh series. i know for a lot of people, zexal was their favorite yugioh series, but i simply can’t vibe with that. i’m sorry. i’m also aware the dub of zexal is a lot worse than the original. that doesn’t change the fact that i’m mostly rating dubs against each other here (haven’t seen enough of the arc v dub to account for that, but every other series i’m strongly thinking about the dubs). also, i’ll still give zexal credit for that. i’ll excuse some of its bad points as bad dub writing. some.

this chart, though, doesn’t paint a complete picture of how my opinion of zexal has changed. because it has. i like zexal a lot more now than i did before i started really watching it.

we’ll address good points first, so if anyone wants to bail for the bad points to avoid any sort of hurt feelings or anything like that, they can while still reading good stuff. again, i know a lot of yugioh fans’ favorite yugioh series is zexal, and my opinions are directly opposed to that, and again, i’m sorry.

there was some pretty cool new cards in this one, particularly in the numbers side of things. shark drake was cool. i liked all of the arclights’ numbers; honestly, how could i not love dyson sphere or number 69? i’ve forgotten a lot of it by now but there was some cool stuff especially in the first part.

the two best characters in this series, in terms of both writing and personality, were easily astral and shark. astral’s probably my number one, shark’s probably my number two.

astral was definitely great. his observations he kept making about humanity based on yuma was definitely one of the funnier things in the series, and the last duel of the series ending with astral’s last observation was poetic. he talked smack about yuma a lot, and a lot of the time it was pretty well deserved, and that was very cathartic and very good humor. his whole arc where he learns to trust yuma in part 1 and they truly become partners, then yuma meets vector who convinces yuma to keep pretty big secrets from astral, then astral realizes yuma’s been keeping these big secrets from him which is something astral never thought would happen by that point, and astral almost loses himself in that darkness of feeling betrayed and angry and sad, that was all really really good. yuma and astral not not immediately going back to loyal trusting partners and needing time before astral could truly trust yuma again also felt natural and real and i enjoyed it a lot. i like astral’s hairstyle, i like his dub censored ass, i like his whole ghost-like vibe. i don’t appreciate that astral is a nudist, even among the other residents of astral world who all wear actual clothes. i kind of wish astral would wear clothes but i would still want his ass to be censored because it’s hilarious. there is a lot i like about astral. i also just think he’s neat. my easy favorite. cannot go wrong with snarky glowy alien boy.

shark surprised me. i didn’t like him for a fair amount of part 1. he hurt yuma’s feelings a lot and i hated that. but when he started accepting yuma’s repeated attempts at friendship and turned around, i liked him a lot. he’s got purple hair, he plays a guitar (i think electric guitar? might’ve been electric bass), and his development was super interesting. i figured he had some kind of shitty home life that yuma would help him cope with using the power of friendship, but it was quite a bit more than that. he got disqualified from a tournament he desperately wanted to win because of a trick his opponent pulled, eventually evened out and became a pretty cool chill dude, and then it turned out he was like the head emperor of an alien planet that astral had set out to destroy?? he was the leader of a group of people and then blamed himself for their destruction?? he felt torn between his guilt/duty to his people and the new friendships he’d made with yuma and astral?? and he ended up deciding to go back to his alien emperor ways even though it pitted him against his friends which was hard but he had to make it up for the people he’d lost before?? but then he learned don thousand had been manipulating for a long long time and then faced against don thousand at yuma’s side een though he chose to turn his back on that friendship?? he didn’t let some fanfic choose his life for him??? he had shark drake??? there’s a lot of cool shit about shark and he’s got a lot of interesting shit going for him. i love a character that gets me to analyze what’s going on in their mind as they do certain things or make certain choices. i also love me a character who ends up getting/remembering magical powers. sorry shark astral’s in first but i still think shark’s neat too.

byron arclight!!! byron arclight! he’s not on the same level as astral and shark, but mAN i love byron arclight. he was constantly roasting everyone when he appeared and had some of the funniest dialogue in the entire series. anyone he looked at he’d be like “look aliens made me physically look like a child, my sons are taller and look older than me now, i couldn’t possibly give a shit about whatever your deal is.” he got super strong magic powers and used them to kidnap a small child. he became evil and told his sons to be evil with him because he was mad at dr faker, but they all kinda sucked at being evil and decided to be good guys instead by part 2. it’s honestly a shame the arclights didn’t appear in the series, especially part 2 (and especially byron, i’m p sure he appeared the least of the arclights) because i like them all actually. that episode where trey erased yuma’s like most important memories... dyson sphere... quattro telling off shark for dueling poorly while shark was sufferering the effects of POISON... what absolute legends. also byron had number 69.

yuma’s pretty cool, ended up being a more compelling character than i thought he would be. he’s a sweet kid, he’s annoyed initially by astral’s presence but he still helps astral with his quest to gather all the numbers anyway and he likes astral the more they hang out. that episode where yuma loses his memories because of trey really showed yuma’s pre-series development pretty well. yuma talks a lot and shouts the same few catchphrases a lot and it can get annoying, but there’s a lot more to yuma then that. at his core, he’s actually a pretty scared and lonely kid who doesn’t believe in himself, he looks at his current situation and goes “there’s no way i can win this duel there’s no point i might as well quit”. he’s not inherently upbeat and positive and self-confident like he usually appears. “feel the flow” is his source of strength, it’s what gets him going, gets him to believe in himself and inspires bravery in him. he’s actually one of the strongest people in the show for it, to be honest. his friends are so important to him, he cares about them so much and would do anything for them, even when his friends aren’t acting so friendly to him. even when his friends want conflicting things he tries his best to appease both sides. he becomes a voice of reason a lot in part 2, honestly. he kept voicing my thoughts and things i said throughout the season, which at times was really cathartic honestly. he kept challenging the status quo. why do we HAVE to do this, why can’t we find a compromise for THAT. he’s a good kid. i’m adopting him.

kite in part 1 is a cool Strong Opposition To The Number Hunt guy. he needs a glasses prescription but refuses to do anything about it and dies on the moon for it apparently, which i think is pretty funny of him. since he’s not astral he has to number hunt differently and the way he does it hurts people, but he’s only doing it because if he has all the numbers, then there might be a way to help his little brother who is suffering some big shit. his life literally revolves around his little brother who wants kite to just live his life for himself and be happy and have fun, to which kite replies “i don’t know how to do any of that”. relatable. eventually he realizes his dad is a dick. and beats him up until his dad says okay i’ll be good now. i won’t throw trash at astral world anymore i promise. kite’s hear to kick ass and take names and he runs out of names before he runs out of ass. but he gets new names by the time he runs out of ass so it’s okay. kite does some pretty fun stuff in part 1 and actually gives astral a run for his money which doesn’t happen often in part 1 so that’s pretty fun. also. his name is kite and his brother’s name is heart. dr faker is the worst at names but i’d expect that from someone who’s name is faker. it’s pretty funny, honestly

dumon is great. he’s a nice guy who is always trying to help out his friends. him first meeting shark and them pretty much despising each other and then realizing hmm maybe that other guy isn’t as obnoxious as i thought all before shark even realizes he’s nasch and nasch and dumon are like best friends? top-tier, def funny. after like that first meeting though dumon always came off as a nice guy. i like dumon. also, his dub voice actor voices dub yusaku and i was assigned yusaku by the government so i really appreciate that. he does a good job as yusaku. and honestly a good job at dumon, too. dumon is one of the best voices in the whole show. he’s great. i just think he’s neat

rio!!!! once rio wakes up, she’s great. you can tell like within an episode that she and shark are the kind of siblings that constantly snark at each other but would do literall anything for each other. shark tried to do anything he could to help her before she woke up, and rio stuck by his side no matter what in the barians vs astral conflict. the foreshadowing in that episode where she pretended she was knocked out like the rest of yuma’s friends but she really wasn’t!! within like a week of waking up she reveals shark can’t sleep in the dark and i think that he hates onions. she’s the picture of confidence, and it seems to come more naturally to her than yuma’s forced and learned confidence. she believes in herself for sure, she’s a great duelist and she knows it, she’s got that ice aesthetic that i love, she’s cute... i’m gonna go adopt shark and rio right now. she’s also fiercely protective of her friends. but she’s not afraid to tease them either! and she will do it! she’s unrepentantly herself and i love it.

vector is funny. vector had some great lines in part 2. “ray shadows” was always predictably not what he seemed at first glance but that’s not a bad thing. just because i knew “ray shadows” was bad didn’t make the reveal of him being vector any less satisfying, honestly. that whole sequence of what happened when vector revealed himself was one of my favorite parts of the second half. vector constantly leading yuma into “the ray way” (usually a poor way), then after reealing himself talking about doing things the ray way, absolutely poetic. that reveal causing a huge shift in yuma and astral’s relationship, beautiful. did you just say the b word??? he also had funny lines. most major villains in zexal (byron and vector) were pretty funny honestly. neither of them were the ultimate antagonist which is fine, but probably the best humor in the series to me came from the major villains. it made them less intimidating, maybe, but it made them a lot more enjoyable to watch.

number 96 looked like a dark version of astral, which is essentially what he was, but like, he literally looked like astral. but you know what? while astral’s ass was censored, number 96′s wasn’t censored in the slightest. to this day i don’t understand why but this is so funny to me. 4k media really said astral wasn’t valid but number 96 was.

there’s a lot of good stuff in zexal. and i enjoyed it! at the end of the day, that’s what i care about the most. doesn’t matter as much if something’s good or bad as much as if i’m enjoying it. and i enjoyed quite a bit of zexal.

i did say it was my least favorite yugioh anime currently, however. which means there must be parts of this anime i didn’t like. so let’s get into the aspects of zexal i didn’t like. feel free to bail now if you’re not interested in that. i’m not interested in hurting any feelings or tarnishing anyone’s love for zexal.

yikes

for what it’s worth, i like the first half a lot more than the second half. most of the problems i have with the first half are also present within the second half, but the second half has a lot of unique things i don’t like.

i know i said something doesn’t have to be good to be enjoyable. anyone can enjoy bad things. i enjoy plenty of bad things! look, i watch sword art online!! i’m no stranger to the concept. but a lot of things i didn’t like about zexal were just...too glaring for me to enjoy anway.

let’s start with cards.

i think xyz summoning should’ve been pronounced as x-y-z and not x-eez. i hated it from episode one and i am still holding to that.

i don’t like tori’s whole fairy cheerleader archetype. i don’t like the way they all look. these things were in arc v, too, and given to a slightly better character but i didn’t like these things in arc v and i don’t like these now. arc v gave me something to look forward to when i needed it most, i don’t say many bad things about it. but i hate these things in both series they were featured in. i think that says a lot. it’s the combo of the hair and the eyes. their hair is way too big. their eyes tend to look bad. it’s just not a great look.

the series started off with a very simple set of rules for number cards: number cards come from astral, and there are 100 of them (and only number cards can only destroy other number cards, which is less important here). the first half of zexal stuck to that prett well. the second half of zexal just laughed at the idea of rules and said i’mma break them. characters are suddenly given number cards that go over the number 100. all these characters are barians. and these cards didn’t come from astral. what the heck! you’re breaking rules left and right! and then don thousand comes out with his stupid imaginary number, and then two duels later yuma comes out with his own new number, future number zero. you’re breaking all the rules. you’re breaking all my trust in everything. you’ve stopped pretending there’s any sense of rules entirely and you’ve started making things up as you go. i don’t like that!! especially imaginary number and future number zero had basically no explanation as to where these things come from, how do these characters have these cards? it’s one thing when yuma comes out with a new gagaga card or something, that’s acceptable and makes plenty of sense, but the new number cards don’t. also, don thousand, yuma doesn’t know enough math to know what an imaginary number even is.

astral’s whole deck angers me. astral is one of the most important characters of the series, and you couldn’t bother to give him any non-xyz monsters. his whole deck is spells and traps. you gave tori, who only duels once and isn’t very good at it, her own whole archetype, but you couldn’t bother to think of a single monster to give astral. and even then, the only xyz monsters astral uses are utopia forms, (not including shark drake and galaxy-eyes, who were only brought out to serve as material for a utopia monster. this is the laziest deck in the whole series, and you gave it to a major protagonist. like, the second most important protagonist in the whole series. i get he only duels without yuma once, but dude. i hate this.

i also really don’t like that the only number yuma and astral use most of the time is utopia. i know utopia was the first one they had together and it’s popular and shit. but there are other numbers! other numbers yuma gains! that i would like to see him use! but instead the show just...keeps giving him new forms for utopia? for some reason? at least on one occasion one of yuma’s new forms has like the same exact ability as another number yuma has at the time. it’s infuriating. to me, at least. plenty of other characters only really use one number most of the time the duel, but most other characters only really have that one number and maybe another form of it or maybe two other forms. yuma doesn’t have that excuse. i’m not saying i never want him to use utopia ever. i just like variety. if you’re introducing the idea of collecting a lot of things, i wanna see those things used.

i hate don thousand’s dueling gimmicks most of all. he gets access to the numeron code and uses it to cheat in his duels, even though kite has it and zexal really gave the impression before this point that you needed to obtain the numeron code to use it, but don thousand’s just like, i fused earth and barian world and somehow i can use the numeron code now. ??????? no fucking sense. on top of that, his cards are super unbalanced. i could not stand watching this duel.

i don’t like the literally no excuse given of other characters besides yuma, the arclights maybe, and the barians maybe, the literally no excuse given for other characters suddenly being able to see astral. being able to see astral required either special powers or special circumstances but then at the end of part 1 going in to part 2 characters were just like “i can see astral now!!!” and that was the end of this and this was the stupidest laziest thing ever. dunno if this was a dub-only thing, maybe the sub explained it, but it really bothered me and still does.

i don’t think chaos was explained very well, at least in the dub, and i looked it up later on and know pretty much what it is now but when you introduce new concepts and ideas, please explain them to me or else i feel like there’s literally no rules to the universe and characters are just making things up as they go.

a lot of the time in the second half, astral is written really weirdly and, not as good. especially post-vector reveal. i’m not talking about any stubbornness on astral’s part because that’s who he is. part 2 starts going in and after a while of it already going, astral just comes in and explains things to yuma that astral definitely didn’t know before. i know astral starts out with almost no memories and regains them all throughout the series but i don’t think any of this like came right after astral regained some memory. the numeron code seems to come out of nowhere, and oh, by the way, this thing can rewrite the entire rules of the universe. it’s a race to see who gets the numeron code first! except, uh, kite ends up winning it i think but that ends up literally not mattering because don thousand and astral both finds ways to use it without even having it. so there wasn’t much of a point of a lot of the duels before the don thousand duel, huh. that’s a lot of time wasted. and apparently astral can use the numeron code after regaining all 100 numbers, but. i don’t remember when astral first introduced that fact and when he got all 100 numbers. but it only is relevant after the duel against nasch and astral only makes any attempt to use the numeron code then. i don’t even know how he got the numeron code after that duel anyway. kite had it and he died on the moon. don thousand could use it without actually having it but then he was defeated. was astral always able to use it without actually having it like don thousand? why didn’t he does this before, then? everything related to the numeron code is vague and explained poorly and every time the numeron code comes up someone makes up some new bullshit thing related to the numeron code and i hate it. i hate the stupid numeron code.

back on track with astral. there’s other stuff besides the numeron code he seemed to know about without any real explanation. i do not remember a lot of them. besides the numeron code. i think i repressed the rest of out of annoyance. i think the worst astral was written was right before his duel with yuma. i get that astral intended to use the duel to help yuma and not hurt him. but he could’ve accomplished this without being an entire jackass. yuma’s mourning the loss of friends that he’s also blaming himself for. and then astral decides to resolve that by telling yuma that astral’s gonna go kill a bunch more people and yuma can’t stop him? that’s uh, not helping anything astral. you had other options to get yuma to duel (while yuma was in a state of not wanting to duel ever again) rather than telling yuma more people are about to die. the point of the whole duel was to remind yuma how to have fun in duels. but uh. when you put a bunch of lives at risk like that after a bunch of people just died, that’s not a great way to introduce fun. yuma promised astral to duel against him before astral left earlier on in the series! you had other options! astral acts like he doesn’t have other options but he literally does! there’s stupid stuff like this astral does earlier in the second half but i have forgotten the details. i get astral’s an alien who’s pretty socially awkward and doesn’t get earth people super well, but b the end of the series he certainly should understand them a little better, or at least, he should understand yuma pretty well, after hanging out with yuma literally all the time. it’s stupid! astral’s better than all this! there’s no way this is the fault of dub writing! unless 4k media made entirely new animation for multiple episodes. like. of the entire episode.

there were multiple times in the second half i didn’t understand character motivations in certain events at all and had to really come up with my own weird headcanons to make sense of it. this is probably largely a result of dub writing.

i wish the arclights were more relevant in the second half. most of all they did was watch things happen. they’re cool and powerful give them something to do.

kite felt extremely pointless in the second half of zexal. he was given a clear character direction to go after the first half and basically abandoned it the second the second half started. he had this pointless rivalry with mizar that only ever felt relevant when they dueled each other on the moon to get the numeron code. kite realizes he needs glasses. he wins the duel. and then he fucking dies somehow. and everyone else gets access to the numeron code. it’s all really stupid and makes no sense. i wouldn’t care about him not being as narratively important as yuma, shark and astral. kite’s not from astral world, kite’s not from barian world, and he doesn’t have any partnership with anyone from either world. at most, he thinks astral’s neat now. but they keep dragging along this stupid rivalry between mizar and kite that literally amounted to “my galaxy-eyes dragon is better than your galaxy-eyes dragon”, these two idiots dueled about it multiple times, and it was just pointless. it ate up too much time. i could feel myself aging. the second half of zexal had enough filler episodes that made me want to tear my hair out without this stuff.

i hate mizar so much. he’s probably my second least favorite character in the series. all mizar EVER does is duel kite over who has a cooler galaxy-eyes dragon, which isn’t even a question because kite’s is cooler and he had it long before mizar ever showed up which at most makes mizar a copier idiot. the most relevant thing mizar does is duel kite on the moon for the numeron code, but i’ve been over that. you could take mizar out without changing much. he’s by far the least interesting barian emperor. mizar is more annoying than kite ever was, and is more annoying than the other barian emperors ever were. and yet mizar lives longer than pretty much every barian emperor except nasch. he got the honor of being written out of existence by don thousand himself. radical. cool. get him out of my sight. i can’t stand him.

there’s a point where there’s a number shown on baby vector. i really wanted to know what was up with that and how it was relevant. this was never explained at all. i’m gonna assume this was don thousand altering vector’s memories or something and move on and never address it again because this show just did and said so many things without explaining any of it whatsoever. this stuff needs established rules and explanations. otherwise it just feels like everythings made up on the fly, it’s all completely random shit with not much planning behind it, that the writers don’t care...it feels insulting. i had this same issue with the infinity stones in the marvel cinematic universe. this is not something i just don’t like because it happened in zexal. i like knowing things.

so if mizar’s my second least favorite, who’s my least favorite character overall? i’ll tell you who

tori fucking meadows.

tori. geez. has there ever been a worse character? yes, mineta from my hero academia exists. but what exactly is tori’s crime? what has she done to make me dislike her so much. well, nothing. ‘nothing?’ yes. she didn’t do anything. but at the same time, she didn’t do anything. my problem with her is she literally does nothing, she barely has any sort of relevance to anything, and she’s annoying. i’m very serious. there’s only two things she’s ever done: she got possessed by a barian emperor to duel against yuma once, and there was that time she challenged yuma to a fashion contest, which was a little entertaining. those are the only things she’s ever done. and yet, somehow, she finds her way into every single episode. it is rare for an episode to go by without her. well, if she’s in so many episodes, surely she must be doing something of importance? nah. her only purpose is to cheer yuma on when he’s discouraged and to get distressed when yuma looks like he’s in a bad spot. this is not a joke. this is not an exaggeration. there are entire episodes where her only dialogue is “(sad voice) Yuma...! Astral...!” i constantly forget she’s there and then the show reminds me she’s there and i get mad because she doesn’t do anything. it’s either be sad about duel going well for yuma, or tori going “yuma you can do it” and yuma going “YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT THANKS TORI”. yeah, she doesn’t even give good motivational speeches, she just says the laziest most generic thing possible, and yuma just cheers himself up anyway because that’s usually what he does anyway. there’s not point to her being there. oh, and she got to be the damsel of distress once to convince yuma to duel. that’s great. lovely. that’s definitely not shady/shifty as hell. all girls are only good for fueling boys’ pain and suffering, right.

but lemme ask this. let’s replace tori with a very pretty lamp for the entire series. how much of the show would change? and honestly? it’d mostly be just like, bits and pieces of three episodes. she’s literally just taking up space. she doesn’t need to duel to be relevant and do meaningful things. maybe she could do more to help yuma convince astral that blowing up barian world is a bad idea, maybe she’s able to come up with the right words where yuma isn’t. maybe she catches on that something’s wrong with shark before shark switches sides, she doesn’t have to convince him not to and i’d rather she didn’t but she can be an uninvolved person to listen and tell shark it’s not an easy choice for sure but she supports him whatever he does and she’s sure whatever he chooses will be the right choice for him. maybe she could get astral some fashionable clothes. i don’t know! she could actually do something! i’m not asking much here i just want her to be something besides a generic love interest (gross) or a generic supporter with generic advice (annoying).

a lot of yuma’s friend group have similar similar issues, but at least they have parts to play. bronk’s probably the best written of the bunch in part 1 before he dissolves into randomly in love with rio taking over his entire life (gross). cathy honestly is better than average too. rio is exempt from this paragraph because she doesn’t spend too much time in the friend group before bailing to her past life which is valid. yuma starts out with only bronk and tori for friends but he gains a lot of friends during the number hunt. most of these friends were possessed by numbers and yuma befriended them afterwards because ultimately his goal is to have fun and make friends by dueling. but they all stick around and don’t not hang out with him and don’t do much after yuma helps them. yuma has way too many friends that he drags around with him everywhere, and then some combination of the arclights, shark, kite, vector, and rio is often there as well. It’s way too many people and no wonder most of them never do anything because often all the things that could be done are taken. Most of these kids need to stop following Yuma everywhere. For the most part, they’re all annoying, too. I really only care for Bronk and Cathy.

i get it. the protagonist always has friends that are ride or die and help them out no matter what. i get it. but there was never this many constantly around, often times they’d switch around each other if anything, and they always all were either relevant to the plot or played good important roles in helping the protagonist, and they always had development. i think the most development any of yuma’s friend group (ignoring brinks negative development) had was cathy’s hatred of dogs getting a bit less intense. flip’s literally a shitty dude who cheats and yuma told him “hey maybe be less shitty next time” a couple of times and flip said “sure” each time but then never put any effort into being better and just kept being shitty towards other people. caswell just...reiterates what’s happening half the time ans starts literally every sentence with “in the end”. all they’re good for is filler and zexal has really bad filler. they’re not good for anything. they should’ve showed up less at least after the heartland tournament arc if not sooner. i get that the whole thing is to show that yuma wants to make friends through duels but this is unnecesasary and eats up time that could be better spent on other characters who actually do things and who actually are relevant and develop and stuff. the protagonist’s friend group was never this annoying before zexal and it never was after zexal either. when they all got sent to barian world and stopped showing up for like ten episodes i almost finally new peace if those ten episodes weren’t like some of the worst content zexal had to offer.

there’s a lot of pointless boring uneventful unnecessary hetero shit all over the show, too. obviously, the whole deal with yuma and tori, while yuma really has no interest in romance at all and tori can’t take a fucking hint and then somehow the last episode decides to make them start dating for some reason. bronk falls for rio (understandable) and then in a filler episode asks for shark’s permission to date her (gross), shark misunderstands what bronk’s asking and is like “if you wanna deal with me or rio you gotta beat yuma in a duel first”, bronk gets it in his head that means yuma likes rio and duels yuma over rio (gross) and this is all supposed to be a funny whole series of events but it’s not funny and it’s kinda gross actually. orbital and lillybot!! yikes!! i don’t like orbital anyway. lillybot is amazing and great. the show decides to assign lillybot female (tori just says lillybot’s a girl and we’re supposed to take tori’s word for it i guess) so obviously the assigned male robot and the assigned female robot have to date, right! they MUST like each other because he was a boy robot, she was a girl robot, can i make it any more obvious. it’s annoying and stupid. they have kids!!! they have kids for some reason!!! why do they have kids!!!!! zexal never interact with me about romance again.

the girls in this show really get the shit end of the stick, huh. i feel really bad for them. obviously we have tori. who was there the whole time but really didn’t do anything except be generically sad or generically positive. cathy’s a little better than that. she has a bit more personality going for her. she likes cats, she makes cat puns, she duels a dog, she did get possessed by a number... she’s got a few things going for her, but she doesn’t do much either. she doesn’t do anything worth noting in the tournament in heartland, she barely does anything of note related to the barian emperors or don thousand. so that’s not much better. rio probably got the best treatment of any of the girls in zexal. she is a major player in the second half of zexal, being one of the barian emperors. she’s got a very strong personality and did plenty of important things. she helped her and her brother deal with the barian emperors before realizing she was one herself, she reclaimed her title of barian emperor and tried to kick vector’s ass. rio and shark brought a lot of life to each other. she revealed her brother’s need to sleep with a nightlight and she was allowed to be good at dueling! but also, she spend the entire first half of the show in a coma. she wasn’t allowed to have any part in the show before astral and the barian emperors did their thing. so in a way, rio also got the worst treatment, too. discounting rio, though, i think the girl who got the worst of it was actually kari.

i know, i know. kari’s an investigator, a journalist! she’s always after a scoop, she’s always looking after yuma, and she deals with old friends/enemies. she’s not just some generic friend like tori, she’s not in a coma like rio! kari’s great! and i love her! but this isn’t just about girls not getting to do things that matter or girls not getting to have personalities. this goes in a bit different direction than that. she wanted to go out and explore with her dad, just like yuma did, but her parents always brushed her aside and made her do more “girly” things because “girls can’t do what yuma and your dad are doing”! she didn’t get a wole lot of agency in her own life. her parents all but told her that yuma was more important than her, that he had this big destiny related to dueling and that all she was good for was watching out for yuma and making sure he was okay because she’s his older sister. and then both her parents disappeared! and she was just left with that! she grew to hate dueling, to push yuma away from it because their parents basically told her yuma would be in danger because of dueling. which is a totally understandable reaction to your parents telling you that out of seemingly nowhere! except the show doesn’t treat it that way. the show puts her in the wrong for not liking dueling! because everyone has to like dueling kari!! how dare you not like card games. how dare you have any interest in anything else. i’m surprised she’s not more bitter towards her parents for this whole fiasco. she just gets slammed into a caretaker role because girls can only be love interests or caretakers! (tori, cathy, and rio were all set up as love interests at least one time or another, while yuma would rather eat another hot dog than deal with that) but honestly, she does her best to do what her parents told her: take care of yuma during his big dangerous dueling destiny. she watches out for him, she tries to steer him clear of the thing that’s supposed to be dangerous for him. and as a journalist she has to be constantly up to date on current events and happenings, so if something happens that might endanger yuma with his big dangerous dueling destiny, kari’ll probably be on of the first people to know about it in all of heartland. that’s not to say that’s not the only reason she took up the profession. she definitely seems passionate about what she does, she takes it seriously, i’m sure she does actually like being a journalist, but it does help with yuma, too. her parents basically forced her life to go exactly one way. and that’s not shown in a bad light against her parents! if anything, the show basically acts like it’s kari’s fault for not being happy about it every second. all this while yuma gets to be whoever he wants to be and do what he wants to do their whole childhood, he gets a lot more freedom than kari for sure. yuma got the childhood kari wanted and she’s not allowed to grieve what she could’ve had. because it’s not just “kari’s parents forced her into a very specific role for her life and gave her no choice in any of it”. that can actually be a really cool thing to explore. i love chazz princeton! kari has plenty in common with chazz! but i don’t like this setup like this. chazz got to be right about being bitter about what his brothers did to him, about breaking away from them and living life the way he wanted to. but making kari’s parents the right ones in this whole situation is just kinda gross and disgusting. if you’re gonna frame it like that don’t bother. cannot stand the “your parents are always right” sort of shit.

speaking of? goddamn i hate kazuma. i hate yuma and kari’s dad. i would say he’s the worst dad in all of yugioh, but he didn’t start an interdimensional war, so we’ll say he’s the second worst dad in all of yugioh. ...if i tie dr kogami with leo, but either way, leo, dr kogami, and kazuma are the top 3.

how can kazuma be in the top 3?? with leo and dr kogami?? leo and dr kogami are evil villains!! kazuma’s not a bad guy! he helped give yuma more self-confidence! he wanted peace between astral world and barian world!

first of all, if you skipped the paragraph related to kari, go back and read it. it’s required reading for the “why kazuma sucks” portion of our program tonight. okay good, you read it. here’s more reasons why kazuma’s a pretty sucky dad.

this here is a bullshit man.

kazuma had good intentions, i think. he wanted to be a good dad but intentions don’t really mean a damn thing when you look at the results.

pre-zexal, kazuma tsukumo knew about yuma’s destiny and told kari about it. how did he know this? how did he figure this out? that’s a good question. i have no idea why he knows about yuma’s destiny, or how he knows about it. the wiki just says he “showed great intelligence and foresight”, whatever that means. my best guess is that honestly? once kazuma saw what was happening in astral world, he created yuma’s destiny himself. he gave the key to yuma, and then he fucked with astral’s shit so that astral would meet yuma. yeah, kazuma looked at everything going on and was like “i’ll put it on my 12 year old son to save three worlds at the same time! what could go wrong”, and told kari about it beforehand and was like “lol kari can’t do it she’s a girl so i’ll just decide her entire life for her a different way”

uh, clearly yuma was not emotionally capable of dealing with the shit kazuma pulled him into. yuma was ready to never duel again because dueling killed his friends. and then kazuma talks to astral about the whole thing and is weirdly smug about the whole thing related to yuma’s lost friends and lost love for dueling. so like...was that part of your plan or not? do you give a shit about your son’s feelings regarding your whole plan for his life or not?

after yuma falls into a portal in the hell dimension he ends up being a prisoner on astral world. which was definitely not explained well in the dub. but he and his wife just hang out freely and openly in remote parts of astral world so he sure as shit doesn’t look like a prisoner. and while he’s there he certainly looks like there’s no place he’d rather be. wait, his wife? how did she get in astral world? that’s a good fucking question and i sure would love to know. i guess she’s not allowed to exist outside her relationship with kazuma.

after kazuma is stuck in astral world, everyone thinks he’s dead for a while, but then when everyone finds out he was alive, he’s treated as this all-knowing projection/recorded hologram who is always right about everything. he always has all the answers and if we don’t know what to do about something then kazuma definitely knows! and after he appears to die he can sometimes appear to people somehow, how he can do that is never explained well at least in the dub, and there are arbitrary conditions to it also never explained in the dub. he can appear in the emperor’s key. he only really seems to do this once to have a weird conversation with astral, and then he also...was able to help vetrix make a barrier during yuma and nasch’s duel, somehow? i mean, i get tron’s whole thing, but kazuma, not so much? if he can appear to astral and vetrix why does he never try to connect with yuma? i’m guessing he probably can’t appear to yuma directly but he never tries to leave a message with astral either. he has these arbitrary weird abilities never explained well (in the dub, at least) and it feels like he’s playing calvinball to make himself seem like a hero or something.

honestly, everthing about yuma’s dad being seemingl dead but still alive, creating his son’s destiny and being this vague benevolent being who is always right and is never allowed to be seen in a bad light related to the consequences to his kids for his meddling, it all seems familiar....

that’s right! it all comes back to sonic!! once again i am literally unable to talk about anything without bringing up sonic, i always bring everything back to sonic!!!

i explained this all a lot better a year ago so i will let myself speak i guess

obviously kazuma isn’t as bad of a person as locke the echidna, not nearly as bad, but there’s parallels, anyway.

so if you agree that yuma is the old comics knuckles of yugioh, if you look at the bad dads section of this article (in case you think i wrote it for some reason, which i didn’t, thankskenpenders did) you can understand why locke is a horrible dad, and looking at the similarties pointed out between locke and kazuma (again, locke is a much worse father than kazuma) you can understand more why i hate kazuma.

so, yeah. i can go on and on about all the things i don’t like zexal. the writing is sometimes sexist and lazy, there’s way too many characters hanging out with the protagonist and most of them have nothing to offer. sometimes things just don’t get explained, or are barely explained. it’s a big ol’ game of calvinball sometimes. and i am aware and accept that some of this is the fault of the dub writers. but there’s also a lot of good things i like about zexal! astral, shark, and yuma were all written really well! there were some really cool monsters in this show! there were some moments of good jokes! the show had good messages and a lot of characters had complex motivations you can sympathize with even if you don’t agree with what they’re doing. this show was very good at being yugioh. and it’s a pretty good show in my book. i enjoyed watching it! it just doesn’t happen to be my favorite yugioh. or like. anything but my least faorite yugioh. but that’s okay. really, the most important thing with watching a show isn’t how well it’s written, how good the visuals are, or anything like that, the most important thing is whether you enjoyed it. and i enjoyed it!

i enjoyed watching yugioh zexal.

if you followed me through my journey watching the anime, thank you. i appreciate it.

this isn’t the end of my journey through zexal. i intend to read the manga too, so when i do get to that, if i end up wanting to post any screenshots or anthing i’ll be using the same tag. that’s sure to be an interesting journey as well.

but anyway. if you read this entire post, thank you. this is over 8,000 words long, damn.

#zexal liveblog #long post 235

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