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fumifooms · 3 months

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Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human

Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?

Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.

Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.

So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world.

Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.

“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon

It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many, I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.

To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.

Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027

“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.

For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions.

There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!

I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.

There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.

More about autism & empathy:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.)

^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/ For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.

I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.

Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.

Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.

And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.

Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.

And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.

So when I post this

I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly.

Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.

If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis! Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #character analysis #i guess #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #spoilers #autistic laios touden #asd #autism representation #meta #draft so old it uses the old Tumblr post editor #it would be much better if i could put them side to side rip #i also wanna do an analysis trying to pin down his level of social awareness #i love that the monster story epic saga about misfits and your place in the world on an ecosystem level is just sooo autistic so perfect #this post has a weird structure but hopefully it can showcase some things and make ppl understand and others relate! I know we're out there #hiii therians how we feeling today. Brain chemistry is weird but ours is just wired different not broken #feeling self-conscious bc even with studies this is the equivalent of going 'trust me bro I get it' which usually doesn't go well with us #Humanity is beautiful <3333 Humans are social animals broski love yourself!!!

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rainbowchaox · 8 months

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Analysis of Pissa So Far.

This is a essay looking at our favorite death dads and how their relationship changed and their different nuances from to start to most recent. This will primarily look at the major three times we had Phil and Missa interact from the start with being paired for the eggs to recently the Mexican Independence Party. So bare with me and come with me down memory lane.

I rewatched day 1 of the pairing up of pissa to mainly cope with CERTAIN lore that happened recently. And yes it’s as fluffy and cute as I remembered. But let’s start at the beginning. Before the pairing up Missa and Phil knew of each other casually like acquaintances. In real life along with in general their characters/cubitos. (Again major thanks for the server in general bringing all these wonderful creators together.) Anyways the first time Phil met Missa was when he jumped off the wall and gave them food. I like to imagine missa had a non-serious crush on the man. But they didn’t really interact. And it’s fair to understand why.

But then the egg event happened. Which honestly in my opinion was the best event to bring the Spanish and English sides together organically. And looking back now it WORKED. So back on track everyone goes to the adoption center and like most Qsmp events it’s total chaos. Phil chooses his ticket and when I rewatched it Missa literally like spammed clicked it to break it and get Phil. Atleast that is what it looks like to me. So we already have the seeds of simp Missa from the very start. Also can we all take a break and just realize they both got tickets with D? And literally they are Deathduo? The more I rewatch the pairing lottery the more I think it was rigged by the admins and not actually by chance. Every duo either had similar humor or charm.

Immediately Phil and Missa find out they both have D. And it’s casual no romantic undertones the cubitos are still getting to know each other. But Missa being a sweetheart immediately is like you can choose whatever egg. And I think this is when Phil starts to soften and gets majorly endeared towards the clumsy reaper. Like not a crush. Not love. But the seeds of the adoration and love we see from Phil down the road. The fact of the matter Phil let Missa choose Chayanne name. The fact literally the newly formed death family was being fluffy and saying chayanne will be the best egg while literally everyone was screaming in the background. Its the main thing that would later define the dynamic of the ship. The gentle understanding and teamwork. That would later be a staple whether you ship them platonically or romantically.

And chayanne is the best way to show why pissa was meant to always work. Chayanne personality and hobbies all came from his two dads (Literally the reason chayanne was interested in cooking so much was because Missa taught him to cook). And like Phil once he was thrust into parenthood with Missa immediately found him endeared by his assigned husband? The amount of times he laughed because of Missa. Another theme so important to why pissa works so well.

Missa is Philzas calm balm. He relaxes Phil so much. And that’s so rare for that to happen. So of course a hour or so in taking care of their son. Phil visibly softens and gets endeared to the man. Phil immediately starts worrying about missa when he left. Missa may have fallen first but Phil fell harder. Like more time Phil spends with Missa the more comfortable and at ease he gets. Missa fully was like I have the best husband ever let me casually call you pet names.

Not to mention two popular scenes burned into the minds of fans. The moment when Mariana called Phil my love and tried to steal him. And Phil being Phil immediately was I’m okay with my partner thank you very much. And both Missa and Phil cuddled close. I still think Missa fell day 1 but Phil was quickly getting a crush on his assigned husband. Secondly Phil literally invited Missa to bed.

Their dynamic was one of like relaxation of trust and just both trying their best for Chayanne. They easily slid into a cute dynamic as both got endeared to the others. And also in day 1 Phil never said platonic it’s only after day 1 he started using that. And only when he wasn’t with Missa. He is a repressed romantic guy struggling with a crush. Not to mention the crows practically grew so attached to Missa it was insane to see.

Anyways like most couples they had to both take care of chayanne until Missa canonically got kidnapped by wolves for four months. During the time Missa was there he was pining HARD for Phil. Calling him his love and darling in Spanish. Phil meanwhile keep saying it was platonic and most of the fans accepted that. But then Missa was gone.

And cubito Phil missed him so fucking much. It’s at this point I fully believe is when Phil finally realized he loved him. He kept referencing Missa. He made armor for Missa. He dyed his backpack black with a skull because of Missa. It’s truly my belief that Philza realized he fucking adored the man in Missas absence. He never gave up waiting for Missa. And Missa eventually kept his promise and came back to his family.

And this is when you see some of nuance or facets change slightly in their dynamic. The core is the same all the way back from day 1 but it does change. It somehow becomes softer and domestic. Sure Philza even before his grand realization in Missa absence SPOILED missa. Missa made him soft. But when the reunion happened? Somehow Philza softens even more. Somehow he spoils Missa even more. This is why I believe that Philza finally realized he loves Missa. Because there is a clear increase in the affectionate displays between them.

Philza and the rest of the server went on the mission once Missa appeared. It was legit like Philza forgot that he was a mission. Philza when Missa appeared immediately softened so much. Of course Philza isn’t angry he’s gone. He just missed his husband. And voila once asked by Cellbit “oh this is your husband?!” He immediately agreed. This is important because for months if someone asked about who is Missa he would always and never fail to say Missa is his platonic partner/husband.

But in the reunion Philza just said husband. Because in my opinion Philza fully thought of Missa his romantic partner. The fact that Philza showed everyone including Missa the skull on the black backpack almost like a bird showing off his feathers. And Missa was immediately all gushy. The fact he only looked at Missa when he said you can go into my boat. And felps not realizing the sorta of energy the two of them was having immediately was cursed to be a third wheel.

Like literally felps was in the back of the boat being all “just ignore that I’m here” when literally Philza and Missa were lost in their own fucking world. Gently flirting with each other. Felps was regretting majorly getting in the boat with them so no wonder he bounced as soon as possible. And literally they were left by themselves still on a mission to save people. But I won’t lie it was a date.

Just them loving in each other company. And Philza being so gentle and loving and protective towards Missa. Their dynamic at their core is the same yes. But it’s undeniably more romantic. And Missa side of the dynamic also changes. He starts trying his best to protect Philza. The man who has from the start been protecting him and their son.

Missa slowly starts to become more brave and actually comments on how attractive Phil is in front of him. (I can see your pecs….yes Missa we get it you love Phil). They are closer than ever. Phil also immediately accepts Missa as Tallulah other dad. Do you guys know how massive that is? He trusts and loves Missa so darn much to let him easily be part of his whole family.

And eventually Missa had to go for a bit. But the amount of pissa interaction we get during the renuion stream doesn’t end. We have loads more to dissect. Missa comes back in hope to see his son and new daughter but sadly they were sleeping but later on despite showing Tubbo around. Once he saw Missa was whispering to him in chat immediately left as soon as possible to get to his husband. Also Cellbit who was with him and tubbo was immediately like “oh you need to help your husband understandable” while tubbo was just like so confused.

Meanwhile before this Missa was crying wanting to go back to Phil. Phil is his safety blanket. Phil never fails to make him feel safe and secure and protected. There’s reasons why Missa fell so quickly. And they met up. And to bring up my earlier point above. What Phil does nest is one of my primarily reasons why I believe Phil fully realizes he loves Missa.

Yes Phil spoils Missa. It’s his love lanuage but all the gifts and upgrades he did late at night (which Phil made a mission to give stuff to Missa before he logged off.) and even the armor he made so long ago. The amount of spoiling and pampering just screams love, adoration, and affection.

And of course they get sorta matching backpacks. And of course Missa says he loves him so fast so the translator doesn’t pick it up. This leds to when Missa showed up by himself had a loony toon day before being called out by roier. He fully says he loves Philza. LOVES PHILZA. TE AMO. Romantic.

Most of the fans knew because just look how Missa acted. But once it was confirmed Missa feels romantic feelings for Philza? That’s when the majority starting fully accepting them as romantic soulmates. And started seeing Philza actions how they are. Romantic. (Though if you prefer them as platonic that’s also very valid).

The only reason a pissa wedding or confession haven’t happened is because Missa loves Philza so much he doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable or burden him with his feelings for him. If philza said let’s get married he would accept immediately. But knowing Phil he will say nothing about loving Missa because he is scared he won’t be able to be protect.

And more recently. The Mexican Independence Day party. I won’t lie the times they were together they were always flirting. They were so cute. And both in my eyes were getting brave with their love for the other in their own ways. Missa literally screaming VIVA TE AMO on stage when Roier said Philza. Or Philza making sure he follows Missa during the dance. The fact Philza was so gentle explaining the recent egg disappearance and made a comment of being shock that Missa came back (he misses Missa so much each time he is gone.).

And their dynamic switches slightly again. Because Phil the whole time was worried and hovering around Missa when ingesting everything lore at once. And Missa is again getting brave he fully said he going on a date with Phil. It’s romantic. There’s no way I can personally can see it otherwise (though again if you like them platonic you are hella valid). At the start there was seeds but their romance has grown. They love each other. They need to confess for my sanity. And I fully trusts that Missa will have some sort of role in saving his love. And maybe perhaps we can get a confession or wedding in the future-

#qsmp #pissa #I’m dead guys. THIS is literally my two essays combined #Leave your thoughts on tags.#or comments #I hope you enjoyed this summary? recap? of pissa as a dynamic from the start to more recent.#yes I know I’m normal about them #LET ME BE FREE #this is how I cope mates.#qsmp shipping #pissa newspaper

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confusedemiposts · 5 months

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✿"so you're a girl?" ✿

Genre: fluff? Humour? Platonic mostly

Warnings: slight slander, touchy (Dazai) mentioned flat chest(Dazai), Tanizaki siblings, grammar mistakes

Notes: headcannons, probably oc, afab reader,referred to with she, reader is similar to haruhi from ohshc,I'm ashamed how long this took me,sorry if this shite I don't write often😭

Summery: You are the newest members of the Armed detective agency but (mostly) everyone thinks you are a boy, not that you really care about what gender you are perceived as its not like you were hiding the fact you are a girl but you just roll with it. How do they react and find out you are actually a girl?

Ranpo

the first the one to know

the moment he met you he knew

stared blankly at you than continued eating his sweets

didn't really care that much that no one else referred to you as a girl

Didn't find it important enough to make a big deal out of it

Dazai

When meeting you he stared at you for like one minute

watching your every move and observing your features

He quickly came to his conclusion

"That's a girl alright"

But didn't say anything and continued to refer to you as a guy

You know how he's quite physically affectionate?

Like jumping Atsushi and honestly just being close to people

He's definitely like that with you...

..but more touchy😰

waiting to see how long till you tell him you're a girl

once you're sick of his antics you tell him

Will act so surprised 💀

"My my your a girl?"🙀

"I couldn't have ever known! Your just so flat-"

SMACK

He got a deserved slap

Will whine about it

Asked if you can start wearing skirts and dresses

Yosano

One of the firsts to find out

it was after your first dangerous mission and you had to have a checkup

I think she'd have to read your file to add the checkup to your medical file and saw that you were a biological female on the file

During the checkup she asked about it

When you confirmed you are a girl she asked if you had any preferred pronouns

I love her

you said you didn't really mind

Would refer to you as a girl from then on

More girlies for the office 💪

Atsushi

took him a few months to find out

Always thought you were just a guy who's very in touch with his femmine side

Oh boy

Too be honest I'm not even sure how he finds out

heard you talking about periods with Yosano

He didn't suspect a thing

Thought that you were really knowledgeable about female anatomy

Poor boy wasn't taught anything so he actually wanted to learn too

Either asked you or Yosano

Honestly as I write this I still have no clue how he finds

Maybe the man just never finds out😭

I think he'd only find out either from Kyouka or accidentally seeing you change

Will grow nervous and awkward after finding out

Feels bad about any things he thought might have been inappropriate that he might've talked to you about

It will take him some time to treat you normally again

Kunikida

my boy was definitely the last to find out 😔

like how he didn't know Dazai was in the mafia he didn't know you were a girl

did get suspicious a few times

he overhead you ask Yosano for a tampon/pad

He thought he heard wrong

But then everyone was suddenly referring to you as she

"Are you talking about y/n?" 🤨

was absolutely flabbergasted when he realized you weren't a boy

"HES A SHE???????"

Had to look at you several times

he just thought you were a feminine guy😭

shocked to the core

had to sit down and process this Information

asked you why you never corrected anyone when they called you a boy

when you said you didn't care what gender you were seen as he went

"Oh"

"very well then"

Struggled with refering to you as a girl for a bit but corrected himself each time

Only change in behaviour afterwards is that he treated you more politely

Hes a gentleman at heart 🤷

Tanizaki siblings

Naomi

Naomi knew early on

was surprised when you both liked similar things

straight up asked

"are you a girl?"

when you said you are she goes

"Are you a crossdresser?🤨"

when she heard your reasoning she was fine with it

She decides to take you after work to see how you look in dresses

Junichiro

Found out the same day as Naomi

when Naomi said you guys were going somewhere alone together

"Okay-"

Then he thought it was a date

was going to kill you

Naomi told him you're a girl

He just stood there

🧍

"What"

Bro had no idea

Not even a single suspicion

Didn't believe it at first till he heard it from your own mouth

Kyouka

didn't take her long to figure out

after a case together you walked by a store with cute plushies in the window

A bunny teddy caught Kyouka's eye

You saw it and said it looked cute

she would have thought nothing of that comment since Atsushi would have said the same thing

but for awhile now she has been growing suspicious of your gender

Especially when she saw you use the female bathroom

But she doesn't know how to bring it up

Rather quietly she asks

"...y/n.. I've been wondering...are you a girl?

When you say yes she has a lot of questions

Asking why you didn't correct anyone or just why in general

Hearing your reasoning she'd understand but a little puzzled

Just saying you definitely bought her the bunny afterwards just to see her cute smile

kenji

Took a very long time

Honestly I don't think he would find out

He wouldn't care about your gender

He just likes you in general

He's so sweet

Always like

Sorry I'm getting off topic

I think he'd find out only through Kyouka

"Ohh Mr is a miss?"

Still treats you the same

Fukuzawa

When you joined the agency he didn't question your gender at first

He knew because you probably needed some sort of identification to join the agency or something

but when everyone was referring to you as a guy he was absolutely confused

Had no clue what to refer you as😭

just said your name instead of any sort of pronouns

My man is trying his best

You noticed after awhile he never used any pronouns on you

So during a conversation once you made sure to say you are a girl

Glad that you told him but he got into the habit of just saying your name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Should I do PM next?

#bsd x reader #Bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai x reader #kunikida x reader #ranpo x reader #atsushi x reader #yosano x reader #armed detective agency

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bsd-fan · 10 months

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Chuuya´s analysis part 2: Humanity and contradictions

Stormbringer is by far the most important piece if we want to understand chuuya because this is the moment his view of life is challenged. We follow chuuya through stormbringer, we get to see how doubtful, scared and confused he is about his humanity and we also see a side of him that he constantly hides.

“I told you, Chuuya”

He looked up in the direction of the sudden voice. It was a familiar voice, one that belonged to the person he hated most in this world.

“Your birth itself was a mistake. We´re the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn´t even real?” - Hallucination of Dazai. Stormbringer

Dazai and Chuuya constantly claim the hate they have for each other. A lot of that hate is because their history of them being assholes with each other, a lot of it is just posturing but a lot of it is because of this. They share the same problem but the way they face it is incompatible. Especially on chuuya´s side. During sb we learn that Chuuya /understands/ Dazai, not because he tries to but because deep down he thinks the same. But he /never/ lets himself think about this, because if he does he will drown and he can´t do that.

You can ignore most of this analysis because the only real important thing to understand is that chuuya is a figher.

That´s his core as a character.

Chuuya fights every godamn hour of every day. He fights with himself, he fights against his ability, he fights for his humanity, he fights for the people he loves, he fights when everyone already gave up. He has lost /so much/ through his life and never complains about it, he keeps going on because that´s what he was taught to do. He has gave up so many things. He can´t say that he is tired, he can´t be afraid, he can´t stop because he was conditioned to be the last man standing not matter what and that´s what he does. Because he has people he cares about and that depend on him so he can´t fall, he can´t ask for help and damn sure he can´t let himself sulk and think about the futility of all, he can´t go with dazai´s nihilistic mentality not matter how much of it he secretly shares because he can´t stop fighting. That would ultimately break him. Chuuya´s outwordly drive to keep advancing despite all the horrible things that happen to him is only possible because he never stops to think about this.

So in a lot of ways, Dazai is like a punch in the face. it´s his worse fears and hidden thoughts in a human form. Dazai, especially 15-18 year old Dazai represents everything he fights about himself. So yes, when I say that chuuya makes a constant, conscious effort to avoid understanding Dazai I´m talking about this (and that´s like half of it, because Dazai´s coping mechanisms also directly clash with chuuya´s whole ideology. Honestly is kinda impressive how Dazai manages to trigger chuuya to that degree)

Now, going back to the analysis I want to say that Stormbringer doesn´t really bring anything new to chuuya´s character, it just consolidates what was already there. It´s when chuuya finally realized something we´ve known all along and it´s because of this that he can finally solve his inner conflict.

“I can feel their lives burning right here, inside me, and till those flames die down. I can´t just do whatever I want. I´m gonna do what I need to. That´s who I am”- Chuuya, stormbringer

“-Why don´t you get it? There isn´t anything you need to do! Live how you want to live! Destroy what you want to destroy! Because there´s only one thing we needed to do, and that was to not be born!(...)

-Just shup up- Chuuya´s eyes burned with fierce determination. -Maybe that´s what you wanna do, but don´t shove your belief down my throat. Cause that ain´t ´t how I feel at all.

Several shadow ran thorugh the light in his eyes.

His friends in the sheep.

His friends in the Port Mafia.

The light in his eyes was determination. It was the powerful brilliance of humankind, something gaines only through encounters and partings with other people.

-You´ve been completely wrong from the very start- Chuuya spat in disgust- “Being born was a mistake”? Sounds like the kind of garbage Dazai would spew, and no way in hell am I ever gonna think the way he does!”- Verlaine and chuuya, stormbringer.

This scene is so important to chuuya´s development as a character because this is the first time he defines himself as an individual in his own terms and independently of his origin. He is a person, and he is the kind of person that will do what it needs to be done and he will do it for the people that is important to him. That´s simply who he is. That´s his identity as a human being. That´s why I get mad when people are fighting about chuuya´s humanity. Yes, at the end is really hinted that he is the original one but that´s not important. Because the whole point of the novel is that humanity is more than origin. It doesn´t matter if chuuya was born as a human being or created in a lab because at the end of the day he is human because of the ties he has with the people around him.

Different from Dazai, Chuuya gets this solution from existentialism. Existentialism is a form of philosophy that explores the issue of human existence. Existencialism basically says that purpose and meaning in life doesn´t come from external forces such as God, fate or a bigger power but instead is entirely determined by ourselves and that´s exactly what chuuya does. It doesn´t matter that life in senseless, it doesn´t matter if he was created only as a weapon, it doesn´t matter if he shouldn´t have existed in the first place. None of it matters. Because he is already here and he will give himself a purpose. And God, I´m gonna stop here to say that this is such a chuuya thing to do. He fights what everyone around him is telling him and he fights himself, yes, he may understand Dazai and verlaine´s nihilistic mentality but he ultimately decides to reject it. Chuuya will fight even the absurdity of life, in a way is fucking hilarious and as a Dazai kinnie I can wholeheartedly understand how this is so annoying for him. Because here we are needing sense, getting paralyzed because of the ucertainty of the world and just trying to keep living despite being constantly overwhelmed because the aburdity of all and then there are people like chuuya that realized the same thing but they keep going, people like chuuya that just push their way through life like it´s not a big deal, people like chuuya that never give up even when is the logical thing to do. And as maddening as it is, maybe this is the real reason why Chuuya is my favorite character, he can do something I don´t. His will to fight despite everyting? How he gets up every single time? is not something I can do.

Okay so sorry for the projection in the middle of it. Let´s continue with the analysis.

The whole point is that Chuuya doesn´t care if his reason to keep going is not trascendental, he doesn´t care if it´s illogical, he doesn´t care if in the great scheme of things it doesn´t mean anything. Because it´s important to him, it´s enough to him and that´s all that matters. Chuuya has people he loves, he has emotional ties with them and Chuuya clings to them with desperation because it is what impulses him to keep going. I need you to understand this, every single character is bsd have people they love and appreciate but for chuuya? it´s a whole different deal. They are so much more than that. They are not only people he loves, they are the direct representation of his humanity (which I remind you is the most important aspect of his characterization) he finds a purpose and a sense in this bonds, he finds an /identity/ thanks to this bonds. And that´s why he will do absolutely everything to preserve them. Yes, the biggest difference between Chuuya and kunikida is that when chuuya says that he will do what needs to be done, he is not talking about ideals, he´s saying that he will give everything of him for the people he loves.

Now, everything should be fine, right? Chuuya learns to accept his humanity to a certain extent, he gives himself a purpose, everything is /fine/ except it´s not and this lead us to the second and biggest contradiction about chuuya and this is which ultimately brings another thousand contradiction in his character: Nowadays his biggest conflict is not the original problem anymore, it´s the solution he gave to that problem.

And it´s the most tragic contradiction in earth because his relationships with people is what makes him keep going but at the same time it´s also what keeps him stuck (I´m discussing that later). And it hurts so much because yes, they give them an identity, a purpose but he also sacrifices /too much/ of himself in the name of this relationships.

He is conventionally brave, he is not like atsushi, he never hesitates, he never doubts but it´s not in a healthy way. Chuuya is not brave for the sake of being brave. He is brave because there was never another option to him, he doesn´t let himself feel afraid. During stormbringer he experimented more suffering than most of the characters in the story, he went against a giant beast, he was tortured, freakingg hell, his biggest fear all along was to discover that he wasn´t human but he decides to know because the flags investigated his past. He was terrified but he forced himself to ask because “I have an obligation to know for their sake” not for him, for the flags.

And let´s not talk about how corruption is his worst fear turned true, let´s not talk about how it represents the lack of humanity and how that may affect the character whose whole main arc revolves around seeking humanity, let´s not talk about how he goes against his worse fear once and once again to protect the city and the organization he loves. There is only one thing that chuuya wanted, all this time he only wanted to know if he was a human or if he wasn´t and in stormbringer he gave up even that. He decides to use corruption fully knowing that he will lose his opportunity to know and he doesn´t care if by doing it, he can save people.

He has a moral compass but he sacrifices it in the name of the people he loves. He cares about people but he also mass murder if that benefits his organization. He appreciates life, but he´s so ready to die and destroy himself if by doing that he can be useful for the people he cares about. His pathological loyalty is also explained by this, it doesn´t matter if they betrayed him or hurt him, he will still be there for them because he puts this relationships over everything. He even sacrifices his emotions, I´ve said it before but chuuya didn´t even let himself cry after he saw his friends in pieces because he put albatross needs over his own pain. He got into an organization he didn´t even wanted to be in because by doing it he could save the people that stabbed him in the back. To this day I´m haunted by the fact that in the entirety of stormbringer, chuuya only let himself be vulnerable once, he only screamed once. When he was being tortured, and in agony, he let himself scream but he only did it because no one there cared. If a person he loves had been there, then chuuya would´ve hold it in, he would never let himself cry because he will never let himself be a worry for the people he cares about. His whole ability is a reminder of everything he went through, of everything that makes him different, of all his pain but he doesn´t resent his ability because he can protect the people he loves with it, that powerful ability is just another responsibility he needs to carry. He is powerful so he needs to protect those that aren´t.

Chuuya is so selfless that it actually is a fucking flaw. From all the characters in bsd, he is the one who sacrifices the most and the craziest thing about it? He doesn´t even notice because in his mind he´s doing what needs to be done. In the CD drama he says to akutagawa that self sacrifice is a pathetic excuse for weak people but he does it all the time, except that he doesn´t think about what he does as self sacrifice, for him is just the natural thing to do. Chuuya constantly makes pyramids and he puts himself at the bottom of them. He is ready to give everything for the people he loves but he never expects the same of them. He loves unconditionally, but he doesn´t think that he can be loved in the same way. He needs to push himself, he needs to be useful.

“-Why- A flash of uneasiness briefly colored chuuya´s expression- Why would you go through all this (...)

-It´s nothing particularly serious- Said Lippmann. Baffled by chuuya´s reaction, he eyed the rest of the group- If we had to come up with a reason, though...it´s because you´re our friend. Were things different in the sheep?

They had been. That was what Chuuya flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable”- The flags and Chuuya, stormbringer.

Chuuya doesn´t know how to accept kindness, he doesn´t know how to react to people caring about him. Because that´s his job. He is never in the opposite side of it. And when he finally was, he lost it and even then he never thinks about all the shitty things that happen to him, he never complains about the unfairness of it. He just keeps going, he takes every single blow and he never let himself make a sound.

Do you see the contradictions now? The love he has for his people may be the foundation of his identity, but he also sacrifices a thousand of things about himself to protect them. No one can live like that. He lives in a perpetual state of contradiction. What he believes in, what he feels and what he does never fucking allign. And honestly this is part of what makes his character so fucking good, because this contradictions narratively speaking make perfect sense. Is not that he is lying, is not lack of self awareness, is not a hole in his characterization. if you stop to analyze the character this contradictions make perfect sense for him. And this trait is why chuuya gives this impression of being predictably unpredictable.

During the first light novel Dazai describes kunikida like this:

“I´ve got a good idea of who you are now, so nothing you do will ever surprise me. I mean, compared with me, you´re just a simple man with a simple mind, after all (...) See? You wear your heart in your sleeve. You don´t hide how you´re really feeling”- Dazai, Osamu Dazai´s entrance exam

And you´ve probably noticed by now, but a lot of this description somewhat applies for chuuya too. But Dazai´s reaction to chuuya is usually this one:

Even knowing Chuuya better than anyone else, Dazai has consistently been surprised or doubting chuuya´s actions. During stormbringer he didn´t know if chuuya was going to use corruption, because a normal person don´t go through life sacrificing their most wanted thing. During fifteen, he was extermely curious about his relationship with the sheep, because chuuya´s arrogance doesn´t make sense with the way he lets himself be used. He thought that Chuuya was going to kill N because that would´ve been the normal reaction to have but he didn´t. At 22, he hoped that chuuya was going to use corruption to save him but the whole point was that he could never be 100% sure because a normal person won´t go through life facing their worst fear just because of trust. And Dazai is not the only one unbalanced by chuuya, the flags were constantly surprised by him, rimbaud didn´t know what to do of him. Verlaine thought that after all the suffering, chuuya would grow up to hate the world just like he did, but chuuya didn´t. There is this whole scene in which Adam and shirase are facing verlaine and he knows that they will die, he goes through all the possibilities but there´s no way they make it but then chuuya appears

“The 169 outcome. An unthinkable possibility

-Unbelievable- I instinctively muttered”- Adam, stormbringer

Adam is an AI, he was made to think about all the logical options and he never thought of that one. Because no normal person will go and fight when all logic is saying that they will lose. But Chuuya does it, he goes and fight expeting to win, giving his all because he will not let his friends die.

Kunikida is relatively easy to predict because he will stick to his ideals as much as possible and because of that is easy to read his actions and the way he will act (to a certain extent, of course) Chuuya is as easy to manipulate as kunikida is but he is far more difficult to accurately predict. Chuuya may be as genuine and honest as kunikida is but he doesn´t stick to anything. He will go against the very basis of himself for the people he loves. Worse than that a lot of his actions and decisions are incredibly complicated because he does a thousand of mental mallabarisms that somehow make sense for him. He will kill, steal and blackmail but outside of job? He respects the traffic laws, he thinks that kids shouldn´t drink alcohol and help grandmothers cross the street. Does that make any sense to you? He will die and kill a stranger no doubt if by doing that he can protect the mafia but sacrificing a friend? Yeah, that´s not gonna happen. He simply can´t do it. So chuuya is fine with killing but only under specific conditions and that applies to everything he does. He lives in constant contradiction and that´s a problem because he won´t be able to keep it eternally. Every single time he goes against something he believes in, is a hit, even if he doesn´t let himself see it. And is fucking terrifying because we all talk about what´s gonna happen when Dazai breaks down, but I´m asking what´s gonna happen if chuuya is the one who breaks down? Because it´s gonna be fucking catastrophic, Chuuya doesn´t know how to bend, he will just keep going until he breaks. He will just keep going until he completely destroys himself.

Now I feel like this is a good time to answer the first question. If chuuya has so many hero-like qualities then why is he in the sides that kill people? why is he a morally grey character? By now I think is pretty evident that Chuuya is not a violence oriented character, he may be agressive and blunt, he is bad tempered but almost every single time he attacks is because he is trying to protect his people or in benefit of them. Yes, he is impulsive and he enjoys a good fight but he never attacks just for the sake of it. He may be arrogant and powerful but none of that is the answer. The real reason Chuuya is a morally grey character is because he chooses.

For him, some people are more important than others.

And just like I´ve been saying in all this analysis, chuuya is ready to do /everything/ for the group of people he chooses. He will kill and die for them. He will go against his moral code a thousand times for them. This certainly doesn´t excuse chuuya´s behavior though. The reality is that no matter his motivation, his actions are still bad by the moral code but just like Dazai, Chuuya is not a moral oriented character. And honestly I will forever find fascinating, that Dazai have all the attributes that we would expect of a bad person but he is in the side that saves people, he is doing his best to protect. Meanwhile, chuuya is an almost text book definition of a hero and still is in the side that kills people. The most fascinating thing though, is that they´re both morally grey characters just in completely different ways. Dazai still does a lot of bad things, it just happens that the ultimate result is a “good” one. Chuuya is constantly doing horrible things, but he also sacrifices himself constantly for the city he loves, and he has saves lots of lives by doing it.

Now going back to topic, yes chuuya chooses but that this is not a mafia-only thing. People in the light does it as well.

Tanizaki is the most obvious one, it has never been a secret that he would burn the world for Naomi and he is the only ADA character that actively has risked (and potentially killed) a complete innocent person in the name of saving Naomi. Ranpo did it as well, during the cannibalism arc he is the first one to suggest killing Mori because he priorized Fukuzawa not only over Mori´s life (which is natural) but also over the whole moral code of the ADA. And later in the story, he is the only one who wants to refuse the job that we now know that ruined the agency. The whole point of it, is not that the ADA didn´t believe in ranpo, is that if they didn´t took the job innocent people were gonna die and that goes against everything the ADA believes in, but not for Ranpo. He was perfectly fine with letting those people die if he could save his family, if he could save the ADA by refusing the job. Tecchou is a hunting dog, his whole character revolves around justice but he was ready to go against that because Jouno was lost, and that was more important for him than the fucking world. Yes, chuuya actively kills but all of this characters have proved that they would do it too under the right circumstances.

And with this I can finally write the last part of this analysis: Chuuya nakahara shouldn´t be in the mafia, his coping mechanisms and how his character is stuck.

#bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #chuuya analysis #bsd analysis #soukoku #skk #the fangirling is strong in this one #he is my favorite and it is obvious #hundreds of words just to say that I adore him #stormbringer spoilers #fifteen spoiler #bsd spoilers

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replaycamera2 · 8 months

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What Your Fave Redacted Character Says About You

Davey - You value a lot of things in a man: the most important being his ability to snap you in half.

Asher - You are the annoying younger sibling who is completely aware of exactly how much they can get away with via years of experience.

Milo - When people ask you what your hobbies are you say “reading” but the silent part of that answer is “fanfiction”

Vincent - I could go on for hours about all the parasocial relationships you’ve had in your life.

Sam - You’re rapidly running out of things other than yourself to blame for your problems, and honestly, it’s just a cry for help at this point.

Lasko - The people in your life have learned not to use the turn of phrase, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Because you will immediately launch into a 20 minute PowerPoint presentation with cited sources on exactly everything that could possibly go wrong.

Damien - Your parents were PTA terrorists. They were planning your bid for student council president while you were still in the womb.

Hux - For the people who think other people are always flirting with them or buttering them up, but they’re honestly just being nice and you never really learned how appropriately reciprocate that because life has taught you that everyone is always after something.

Gavin - God gave you depression and anxiety because if he didn’t, you’d be competing for his job

Avior - You’re either a burned out “gifted kid” or you only just got diagnosed with ADHD in your mid 20s. No in between.

Vega - Dear god do you love to be stepped on

Blake - You can not fix him. YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM.

Elliott - The ultimate fantasy of every demi-sexual out there.

Aaron - Depends: if you’re a straight woman, this is just everyone’s daddy fantasy. Otherwise, you’re a white gay guy. Only they would see a 1-to-1 recreation of their bully and go, “That is my husband.”

Ivan - I’m not saying you’re scary when you’re mad, I’m just saying the Venn diagram of people who have crossed you and the people you never hear from again is a circle

James - Admit it, you find degradation just a little bit hot. Just give in and go for it, it’ll be cathartic, trust me.

Anton - Literally that meme of “Thank you for changing my life.” “I’m literally a white man from Arizona mumbling and mouth-breathing into a mic.”

Geordi - “Patience of a saint” and “persistence of a rock” do not even begin to describe you. We have had nothing but radio silence from this man for 7 months.

Regulus - You just want someone to end your existence without actually killing you and honestly, valid take.

Guy - Your insecurities might scream at every person you meet, but not if you scream louder

Ollie - Your life moves from one disaster to the next and you are desperate for a shred of stability, which is probably why you’re listening to boyfriend role-play.

Morgan - There are two kinds of people in this fandom: Those who know what “19 months” means, and those who don’t.

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wordsbymae · 29 days

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Honestly I wouldn’t mind if ya did a story that was just breeding kink baby fever pregnancy centered focused 🙈 No thoughts head empty just 🌽

But I do have to ask out of your ocs who’d actually make a great father vs shitty father vs meh father? And what are some of ya ocs parental habits for raising the babies?

Hi!! Honestly I wish I was sooooo much better at smut cause that's all I would write. I'm trying to get back into writing smut but I'm really not very good at it, but I'm practising! Also i promised a fic tonight but I'm tired and my writing is shit so I'll have a red hot crack go tomorrow after work.

Ok so I'll just do out of my yandere ocs, cause they are the ones everyone is more familiar with. TW: talks about domestic abuse

Great Father goes to the Farmer for sure. Look he's got traditional (aka outdated views) but that doesn't mean he would ever disown his children. He had a really horrible childhood and he always promised himself he would do a better job as a parent then his own ever did. He is very hands on, giving his children life skills and most importantly the belief that they can overcome what life throws at them. The farmer knows how hard life is, so he tries to instil good work ethic and most of all a be good to others way of thinking. Being a helping hand is important to him.

He may not like people that much, but being someone others can rely on made him feel as though he is wanted and worthwhile when he was always told by his parent's he was not. He would unfortunately believe in boy's things and girl's things. But that doesn't mean if a son of his wants to help mama sew or a girl of his wants to help him fix the truck he's going to go crazy. No, of course not, he believes that ALL life skills, whether others believe them to be men or women jobs, need to be taught to children. So he doesn't care about division of labour based on gender.

What makes him a bit weary is if his son wants to wear florals or pinks, or if his daughter ONLY wears masculine clothes, especially if they go into town. He's just not comfortable about it. However, over time I think he just wouldn't care anymore and would only fuss if they are wearing improper clothes to work on the farm with. Likewise he wouldn't disown his children if they came out as queer, he would most likely make really cringy jokes and ask embarrassing questions and then say something like "Oh, so I can't ask my child a genuine question? Is that not politically correct now?", but like sir, please the question was embarrassing.

But yeah, once he kinda understood it he would come to terms with it and actually would be funny. Like if someone in town asks him if he's proud of his kid for coming out hell say (absolutely seriously) "why the fuck should I be proud of them coming out of the house, why do kids these days need praise for every little thing they do!". like he wouldn't understand what the phase coming out even means. Anyway on to the next!

Meh Father goes to the Mad King. The man is all bark no bite. He pretty much only wants children as heirs and also to have levrage over the reader. He's not horrible by any means, he spoils his children when they deserve it, but he also makes them understand that nothing good in life is freely given and you have to take it. But unfortunately he also causes rivalries between his children. They are desperate for any attention/praise from him that they will try to out compete one another to gain it. Often resulting in arguments and injuries.

Reader (whether they wanted children or not) has to act overly motherly and affectionate to their children to counteract his actions. There is no favouritism or stern reminders of their places as heirs, just warm, welcoming love. Also his children aren't idiots, they can all tell that their parent's did not marry for love. At least on their mother's side.

They are torn between desperately wanting their father, the king, to show them true love not just cold approval and hating him for the emotional abuse he has put their mother through. It's actually kinda sad, because he was always desperate for the attention and love of his father and now he's caused the same thing between his own children.

There is moments of affection and love but the more he see's himself or god forbid his brother in his children, he begins to be very cold and distant. The man kinda forgot that a kid is 50/50 not just 100% their mother's. That's why his youngest is his favourite, although he would never tell anyone ever. His youngest is pretty much reader cloned, looks, personality, and everything. When he looks at them he is harshly reminded what he took away from reader the day he became king.

Bad Father goes to the Killer. This man would have absolutely no fucking clue what the fuck to do. And he would not care to try. Reader (who is usually gn but for the sake of this is afab) is heartbroken when they realise they are pregnant, and Killer has no idea why they won't stop crying. And why do they keep being sick all the time. A primal part of him likes the idea of caring and providing for his darling and their children, in fact he loves it.

When he figured out reader was pregnant, he started stocking up in furs, wood, meat and cloth. He made a crib from what he remembered his little brother's to be (omg lore drop). He likes to provide, but damn does he actually hate having a child. He leaves ALL baby stuff to reader, he pretty much refuses to look after or even pick up the baby. He gives reader all the resources they need and the Killer calls it a good job done. The poor kid(s) grow up very isolated and confused. Their mama loves them with everything they have but their pa won't even acknowledge them.

Resentment grows as they do. They of course don't really understand why they are here and why their mother/parent is with killer, because it's all they have ever known. They've known nothing other than this. I can see this going either two ways. One day the oldest snaps, they are sick and tired of listening to the screams of the their father's victims. Their mother/parent tries so hard to keep them from barging out of their small shack.

The eldest faces their father, who has grown grey over the years. However, he is still a scary and strong man, and the eldest falters slightly, it's enough for the Killer to smack their eldest to the ground telling them to go back inside. Reader sees this and just loses it. They have spent a good chunk of their life under Killer's thumb. They have seen so much death and violence they have become almost immune. But to see their child being struck by the man who killed all her friends all those years ago just causes absolute rage.

Reader picks up the old shotgun that they found hidden in the attic, they were always too scared to use it, especially when the kid(s) came. But now its time. Killer doesn't stand a chance.

OR the other way is that once the kid(s) reach maturity they follow in their father's footsteps unfortunately for reader and finally get their father's approval. I like the first idea better.

Hope you liked it! I should have my home invader story out tomorrow!

#yandere x reader #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere drabble #yandere prompts #oc #male yandere #farmer yandere #yandere oc #oc farmer #dv

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moon-tells-stories · 3 months

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Heart Problems~

Connor Stoll x gn reader

Connor is completely in love with you, too bad you’re trying to set him up with someone else.

Part 2 Dear Diary, I’m an idiot

Connor knew he had a problem.

He liked to consider himself a pretty self aware person: he knew he was a liar, he knew he could be a bit of an asshole, he knew he would sometimes come off as a bit cold, he knew he was too vindictive, he knew not everyone liked his pranks and now…. he knew he absolutely and completely had a problem.

The problem in question?

He was in love with his best friend.

Now, someone might say “ok, Connor, big deal, everyone gets crushes sometimes”.

But this wasn’t just a simple crush.

People with a crush don’t feel their hearts implode in their chests when they see the person they like smile.

People with a crush absolutely do not feel every single cell in their body beg to see the person they like every time they’re not there.

People with a crush would feel naturally rejected and maybe a bit sad if the person they liked did not return their feelings.

But as much as it would have probably killed him from inside out, Connor just wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.

He couldn’t risk confessing to you and ruin your friendship. It was too important, you were too important.

The price just wasn’t worth the risk, he was happy just being your friend, being close to you was enough, seeing you smile at him even if it was platonic was enough, laughing and joking around with you was enough.

(He felt like smashing his head against a wall repeatedly when he remembered that you would never know how much he truly loved you but he pushed the thought down)

After all if there was one thing Connor Stoll was truly good at that was lying.

The light cascading between the leaves of the tree the two of you were laying against would sometimes fall into your eyes and Connor would feel his heart beat out of his chest.

You were talking about the recent book you had read.

You had always loved reading, your dyslexia made it a bit difficult but when you arrived at camp Chiron taught you how to turn your books into ancient greek texts which helped a lot.

Connor had never really been a fan of reading, partly because of his dyslexia, that every demigod had, but also because he simply found it- boring. He didn’t like staying put and reading required staying still and concentrating, both things he wasn’t very good at.

However he liked listening to you ramble on and on about your favourite books, you could talk about them for hours on end and he would listen to your voice on repeat forever if he could.

(Gods, he was so smitten it was honestly pathetic)

But seeing you so exited about sharing your favourite story with him, he realised that he absolutely did not care about how probably pathetic he was.

“And then! the villain turns out to be….” you trail off for a bit of suspence and he smiles softly.

(he definitely looks like an absolute fool)

“His brother!” you say exited, turning to the book and holding up the page where the protagonist gets betrayed.

Connor smiles surprised “no way, that’s gotta sting-” he says while reading the page you were gesturing to.

(he doesn’t think about how that sound so painfully familiar)

“I know!” you say a mix between excited and frustrated “he was my favourite character too” you groan and Connor laughs “ouch- why do your favourite characters always either die or turn out to be the villain?” he jokes, remembering how in the book you told him about last month, your favourite character sacrificed herself and died.

You throw your head back “i must be cursed- it’s not fair!” you laugh.

(connor wants to record the sound and listen to it forever-)

He grimaces internally at that thought, that wasn’t creepy, right???

He takes your book in his hands, trying to play it cool, trying to pretend that his heart did not flutter at the sound of your laugh “sure, buttercup, i’m sure a god decided to curse every single character you like” he teases you.

You laugh (his heart did not skip a beat- liar) and playfully punch his shoulder at the nickname.

Some voices come from the archery pitch nearby, a few kids of the Apollo cabin joke and laugh loudly among themselves, you glance at them before turning to him with a small smile.

(he pretends not to notice that the smile is not entirely genuine)

“Did you meet the new Apollo kid?” you ask him with a sort of teasing smile that he does not comprehend.

“You mean Remy?” he asks slightly confused, as the counsellor of the Hermes cabin he met lots of new campers that came and went, Remy had arrived last week, they stayed in cabin 11 for two days before getting claimed by Apollo, he wasn’t sure why you were suddenly bringing them up.

“Yeah” you nod, the weird teasing smile still on you lips, “aren’t they cute?” you ask playfully.

Connor is really really not sure what he should answer, it’s not that he doesn’t agree because objectively speaking Remy was indeed attractive, he just never really thought about it and all of this seemed extremely random.

“I guess” is best he comes up with, you laugh slightly “you guess?” you ask between laughs “what kind of answer is that?”.

Connor rolls his eyes and pushes your shoulder playfully “shut up, i just don’t understand this sudden interest in Remy” he tells you.

You shrug, smirking at him (his stupid heart should just explode with how many time it flutters or skips a beat).

You nudge him with your elbow playfully “a little birdie told me that Remy has a crush on you” you wink.

oh.

ohh.

For a second his brain malfunctions… were you- were you trying to set him up with someone?!??!

The worst thing about all of this is that- you look so casual about it. It shouldn’t hurt this much, he knows you don’t feel the same, this isn’t a surprise, he already knew- he already made peace with this fact.

(or at least he should have already made peace with this fact)

Connor swallows his hurt and tries not to think about the way he feels as if a knife had been thrown straight into his heart.

“Really?” he tells you as absentmindedly as he can.

Thankfully he’s a good liar and you don’t notice, you nod happily “yess, and if you want- you can meet them after the campfire near the Apollo cabin” you say smugly.

(the imaginary knife twists painfully in his chest)

Connor would really like to give you a big genuine smile, just make you happy since you seem so exited about this, however the best thing he can muster is a small smile and “i’ll think about it.”

The conversation ends there, you go back to reading your book with a satisfied smile and Connor goes back to dying internally.

He shouldn’t feel this dejected, but he really can’t help it, he’s not sure what’s worst about this story.

The irony that Remy asked the person he’s in love with to set them up together, or the fact that you actually accepted and tried.

He’s not angry at Remy, the new demigod has no fault, and Connor doesn’t blame them or resent them for shooting their shot with him.

(they’ve got way more courage than him, he’s such a coward)

The wind blows softly in his curls and as he looks at you, his heart flutters once more.

The knife twists deeper and Connor curses himself and his stupid stupid heart, Aphrodite, Eros and every other love deity he knows.

But as you smile to yourself while reading a particularly interesting passage in your book he decides that this pain is not so bad.

#connor stoll x reader #connor stoll x you #connor stoll #pjo x reader #pjo x you #x reader #percy jackson imagine #connor stoll x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #non binary oc

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4dkellysworld · 7 months

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What's stopping you?

So you've read a ton of information on Tumblr (maybe even some books) and now you feel lost. And even though you want to apply, you feel stuck. Why? Well, there's too many possible variables on why someone could be feeling this way but I'll cover a few.

Personally for me, that all stopped when I found the teachings and practices that truly resonated with me & not what was popular here, I've branched out from what 4dbarbie has taught; I'm on my own path that I got led to and chose, and it feels right. And there's a strong sense of peace and certainty once you recognise and know what resonates for you personally; that's YOUR truth. The end goal is the same for everyone but the way there will differ depending on the person, their level of spiritual maturity, state of mind etc.

When asked once by Swami Yogananda, a Swami with a large following in America, what spiritual instruction should be given to the people for their uplift, Ramana Maharshi replied: “It depends on the temperament and spiritual maturity of the individual. There can be no mass instruction.”

I'll always be grateful to 4dbarbie for introducing me to non-duality and there was a time when her teachings were what I needed but now I'm on my own path doing practices that work for me which is what she encouraged too.

So maybe you keep holding off & feel unsure about it all because what you've read from teachings doesn't feel right for you personally. Don't force it to fit where it doesn't. Be bold and branch out of Tumblr and the 'mass instruction' if that doesn't sit right within you (be honest with yourself and you'll know). Find the teachings & practices that resonate with your spiritual heart & inspire you to live that truth honestly. Cut down on the sources you read from and only stick to the ones that resonate with you.

And I know there's some or a lot of people who follow so many accounts on here (LOA/void/ND) but how are you going to go forward and practice anything when you have so much conflicting information? You can't simultaneously manifest/fulfill desires and let go of the ego; their directions are complete opposites. Pick a path and stick to it. Stop flip flopping then feeling bad for not going anywhere. Your indecision is the cause of this. And I said before to be discerning of what you read too, when you stick to few sources that you know are genuine and resonate with you personally, there is little room for confusion on the truth and what you need to apply daily. This also applies to what you read on. If you can't read about multiple things without getting confused or swayed from the path, cut it out already. What value is LOA/void information anyway when you're on the ND path and vice versa? Zero; it's just a waste of your time. So stop it already.

This is just an intuitive guess on what could be causing resistance to some of you practicing and living this honestly but ultimately you'll need to dig into it yourself and figure it out. It's not something that a post will be able to cover completely as everyone is different. For anything else in life, self-discipline would be really important but I think desire for freedom is the most important and would drive anyone that has it to keep applying faithfully every day without having to force themselves to do it. Self-discipline might be more important when you start out but ultimately this has to be something that you live and breathe every day without effort.

#writings #exercise

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themolluscasometimes · 5 months

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(if you havent seen dmeon slayer s3 or read the mange this has spoilers)

okay no but look-

who tf. gave genya a sword an told him to go to final selection

It's stated that Genya calmed down and mellowed out after getting Gyomei to train him. ALSO he got mega buff between when we see him at final selection and when he see him next like yeah he obviously had a growth spurt but the point is he went from scrawny to brawny. He was also a giant asshole at final selection so like. Genya 100% only got trained by gyomei after passing final selection.

Which MEANS either someone ELSE sent a kid that cant use breathing to final selection with a sword OR he got himself there. I dont believe anyone wouldve willingly sent him given how important breathing is to the demon slayer corp

also. The only trainers we really see are hashira or former hashira. Im SO convinced there are other that we don't see given that not every water breather couldve been taught by Urokodaki but it still makes sense that these teachers are retired professional demon slayers that lived long enough to be no longer in active service even if they aren't hashira

which leaves us with options:

OPTION 1:

genya tried to learn breathing from a cultivator/some other demon slayer, failed, stole a nichirin sword and probably shook the poor sod down to get info on the when and where for final selection

OPTION 1a

When the person who tried to teach breathing to Genya refused to continue after finding out he cant Breathe Right, said teacher was too strong for genya to really do anything about it (see: they're teaching him and it seems likely that the teachers of demon slayer tend to be upper ranked at least) Genya fucked off and assaulted some weak random demon slayer to steal a sword from and get info

Or, you know, something along these lines because he had to get a nichirin sword and infomraiton from somewhere, and Im doubtful it was willingly given to him since he like. cant fucking breathe.

HOWEVER

when we see him at the end of final selection, he's like. mega obsessed with the sword thing. like. super. like yes these are special swords but here's the thing everyone there already has one of the special swords, just not one of their own.

It kinda maybe implies that Genya. Doesnt have a special sword. So.

OPTION TWO:

Genya has been roughing it with a regular ass sword for seven days and given that he can't Breathe his primary form of defense would've been step one: cut the demons arm off. step two: monch. step three: beat the demon to within an inch of its life with demon enhanced brute strength until he can get away or force it die in the sun.

In which case Genya was not likely to be doing much direct demon slaying during those seven days.

(even if he HAD a nichirin sword theres no guarantee that without breathing he wouldve been strong enough or skilful enough to use it to kill all the demons he ran across but given how obsessed and intense he is with getting his hands on a nichirin blade and how much not one single person would want him to go to final selection, i honestly think he had just some random sword. It would explain why he's so desperate to get one, other than being generally unhinged. Anyway-)

While everyone else was roughing it, surviving and slaying demons in the night, Genyas experience of the final selection exam was somewhere between a survival challenge and an all you can eat buffet, with not a lot of demon slaying involved.

can u imagine being part of his cohort and running across some dude that needs you to cut off this demons head thats missing a suspicious amount of its body bc he doesnt have a nichirin sword for some fucking reason. also he has really, really, fucked up eyeballs.

can you imagine watching one of your fellow exam participants use a sword only to defend himslef bc its a functionally useless offense only to attack by eating the fucking demons.

can you imagine seeing him at one point, looking a certain way bc hes been eating a demon and then seeing him again later looking human. or looking like a different demon. or both.

can u imagine struggling to feed yourself during these seven days and this man is having a straight up feast. and also couldnt be assed to show up with a sword for demonslaying to the exam for fucking demon slaying

#shinaguzawa genya #genya shinazugawa #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer headcanons #also when did he figure out he can eat the demons #how #genya eat the rich shinazugawa #genya 100% had some regular ass sword in that exam and i will die on this hill #demon slayer season 3 #swordsmith village arc #listen #there is so uch that has neevr been explained about genya #he is atleast as unhinged as inosuke if not more because at least inosuke NEVER TRIED TO EAT A DEMON #inconsistent puncutaion spelling and grammar due to symptoms of brainrot #options 1 and 1a and any variations thereupon are possible but boring #and dont explain why genya was insane about getting sword #but it would make so much sense if he DIDNT FUCKING HAVE ONE

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 months

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Lessons from my Anime Phase

Many years ago, before I matured into my spiritual journey, this used to be an anime blog. I don't regret this phase of my life, even though I completely outgrew it, because I believe it taught me something important.

The content of a creation is more important than the form. There is anime (sadly not as many as you would think) that is a good piece of art. There are regular movies that suck. These years taught me to look deep beyond the surface form and into the meaning of any creation. I'm still waiting for a movie as good at depicting the power of wishful thinking and self repression as Perfect Blue.

Supressing one's emotions leads to serious repercussions. One of the reasons some people find anime so weird is because it is literally an outlet for the collective mentality and emotionality of Japanese societal pressure. It feels exaggerated, but it is a reaction to the external forced numbness and politeness the Japanese society is plagued with. If you don't deal with how you feel regularly and don't express it and process it, if you don't make friends with your demons, you keep bubbling like a cauldron. It leads to having a very edgy, very draining life, not being present with yourself. It leads to not being able to function and ultimately making simple things feel like the end of the world.

Getting older is awesome. I would never come back to my past. Every morning felt like torture. Sometimes, even if life is never perfect, it moves you on in simpler ways that allow for balance. Establishment of healthy routines does wonders for mental peace. The Universe putting you in an environment where you can do that, after years of having that taken away from you, feels blissful. With time comes perspective and you can see your life shaping up and taking you somewhere. That allows you to approach the rest of your life with the same philosophy. I can read this post another 10 years into the future, and think wow, my life got even better. But at least now I am relaxed about it and don't overthink how every tiny little thing can go and I don't try to control or micromanage the future.

Youth is overrated. Hottness is overrated. Very few people really get to enjoy being young and hot, and those that do, are probably on Youtube's most watched list now. Being young and hot only pays off if you happen to be an artist, you're in a good film, or you're lucky enough to be in a music video. With those things, you build a legacy you will have forever. But most young women spend their youth and beauty on dating guys they wish they could forget in their 30s. At least I can say I spent it on spiritual growth, which I am really proud of. I was younger and "hotter" once, but paradoxically I feel like I'm becoming more beautiful. I had absolutely no benefits from being young and hot. I had no good relationships and everyone irl always criticized me for breathing. I never felt attractive. My highlights were compliments from my online friends, because noone around me actually thought well of me in my physical life. I'm married now, but this is my first serious adult relationship. I didn't have any good relationships that really appreciated my looks back then. So whatever has passed, hasn't really been used anyway. I was very insecure because I lived surrounded by unfair criticism from many people, who should have been supporting me but betrayed me. Maybe some people have fun in their youth, I honestly didn't. Moving away from all the people that made my youth something I'm glad to put behind me was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Being different growing up is hell for everybody, no matter what form it takes. Being an outcast is probably the number one debilitating thing that makes youth difficult. You have no role models, you have no support, you endure extra pressure. But over time, even those that are different end up finding their place, and they realise they were just different to people around them in their early environment, but they're not that different from the rest of the world.

#spiritual journey #spiritual growth #spirituality #spiritual awakening #personal

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halfseoulco · 3 months

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All My Love: A SEVENTEEN x Hogwarts AU

Published Wednesday, February 14th, 2023 — Happy Valentine's Day and, more importantly, happy Carat Day! Honestly, I really got attached to these versions of the SEVENTEEN members that I created for the Christmas AU, so I decided to continue their stories with what I hope is a cute series of events for our thirteen diamonds. ♡

As a refresher, here's some information before you start reading!

Word count: ~ 10,800

AU Ages:

Seventh years — Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, Junhui, Soonyoung

Sixth years — Wonwoo, Jihoon, Seokmin, Mingyu, Minghao

Fifth years — Seungkwan, Vernon, and Chan

AU Houses:

Gryffindor — Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Vernon, Chan

Ravenclaw — Wonwoo, Jihoon, Minghao

Hufflepuff — Junhui, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seungkwan

Slytherin — Jeonghan, Joshua

Description: It's Valentine's Day at Hogwarts and everyone has plans—or some things that go according to plan and some that don't. Romance is on the table for some, while others prefer to spend quality time with their friends—because all love is important. All you need to know is that you probably don't want to be Vernon.

Read “All My Love” on Ao3!

The Black Lake — February 14th (early evening)

"Hansol Vernon Chwe!"

The Gryffindor winced as his boyfriend's voice transcended octaves in his unbridled fury.

"You'd better have a good explanation for this!"

Gryffindor Fifth Year Boys' Dormitory — February 1st

"Vernon?"

The fifth year Gryffindor turned his head away from where he had been watching the rain fall outside the window to look at his oldest hyung over his shoulder.

"Oh, hey, hyung," he greeted him with a nod.

"Have you seen Seungkwan recently?" Seungcheol asked him, brow furrowed with concern.

"Um, not since last night," Vernon replied, face blank. "Why?"

The older Gryffindor sighed, sitting next to him on the bench seat in front of the window.

If not even his boyfriend had seen him recently, then maybe Seungkwan's situation was far more serious than anyone realized.

"I'm worried about him," Seungcheol admitted. "He doesn't really seem like himself. Not anywhere near a quarter as fussy as he normally is about everyone and everything." He glanced at Vernon out of the corner of his eye, noticing that he had gone back to facing the window. "You're usually attached at the hip, it's unusual that you haven't seen him at all today."

"Are you saying that I should know where my boyfriend is every minute of every day?" Vernon said tonelessly.

"No, that's not what I'm saying." Seungcheol tilted his head to one side, surveying him carefully. "I'm saying that as his best friend, you might know what's been going on with him."

The younger boy turned his head away.

"So you do know," Seungcheol said gently.

Vernon's shoulders tensed. He said nothing for a few moments, Seungcheol waiting patiently while he grappled with whether he should confide in the prefect or not.

Finally, his shoulders slumped.

"Last spring," he began, "one of Seungkwan's closest friends from home... passed away."

"I remember," Seungcheol said gravely. "That's why he was gone for a while."

"Yeah, he went back home to attend the funeral." Vernon sighed. "The friend... he was a Muggle... and obviously Seungkwan couldn't tell him that he was a wizard, so his friend thought that he had gotten a scholarship to attend some fancy boarding school in the UK. Seungkwan had been jumping through all kinds of hoops to stay in touch with him without giving himself away, getting letters sent by Muggle post... talking about classes that are taught at Muggle schools... They would hang out all summer when Seungkwan would go home after every end of term... but then..." Vernon rubbed at his nose furiously with the sleeve of his sweater, sniffling. "His friend was really unhappy and I think he missed Seungkwan a lot—"

"It's okay," Seungcheol stopped him. "You don't have to keep going."

Vernon nodded gratefully, wiping at his eyes.

"His birthday was last week," he said softly, "and Seungkwan hasn't been taking it very well. I feel like I should be doing something... more? Better? But he barely even talks to me, won't even look at me sometimes..." He finally looked up at Seungcheol, his eyes sparkling with tears. "Hyung, I don't know what to do. I feel like such a bad boyfriend."

Seungcheol inhaled deeply through his nose, his mind running through the memories he had of Seungkwan and Vernon, both back when they had been just friends and after they had gotten together. To anyone who didn't know the pair very well, it would seem like Seungkwan took care of Vernon in every way—because that was how his affection manifested itself—but their friends all knew that Vernon was Seungkwan's biggest supporter and that the Hufflepuff relied on his boyfriend more than anyone. At just fifteen, they had a connection deeper than most adults Seungcheol had met; and no one who saw them together could ever accuse Vernon of not being a good boyfriend.

Seungcheol exhaled heavily.

"You're not a bad boyfriend," he reassured Vernon. "The fact that you're worried about it this much is proof that you're not. All you need to do is let him know that you're here for him." He stood up, patting the younger on the shoulder. "Besides, Valentine's Day is coming up in a couple of weeks. Maybe come up with something that will really show him that he's not alone in this."

Astronomy Tower — February 14th (early afternoon)

"What took you so long?" Wonwoo asked, not taking his eyes off the book he was reading.

"I'm so sorry," Mingyu huffed, stuffing something into his school bag. "I got stopped by... Alice Pembroke... on my way up here." He dropped to the floor next to his best friend, chest heaving with exhaustion. Shoving his still-open bag away from him, he raked his fingers through his sweaty hair. "I didn't mean to be late."

"I know you didn't," the Ravenclaw said softly. "You have quite a lot of sweets in your bag," he observed, finally looking away from his book to peek inside the contents of Mingyu's school bag.

The Hufflepuff beater snorted.

"I would offer you some but after that one Gryffindor girl was sent Sugar Quills dipped in love potion, I've learned not to eat anything people give me on Valentine's Day," he muttered, zipping up his bag and leaning back against the wall, eyes closed. "It's all a bunch of nonsense anyway."

Wonwoo carefully folded the corner of the page he was reading before setting the book aside. He tried to remind himself that it wasn't because he felt inadequate and needed Mingyu to tell him that he was wrong about what he was going to say—he just wanted him to be happy. The possibility that his best friend was choosing to remain single so that he would always be able to hang out with him just didn't sit right with him, and he would make sure that Mingyu's love life no longer suffered, even if it meant he had to spend more time alone.

"You know, you don't have to keep turning down girls because of me," he said quietly.

Mingyu slowly straightened up, opening his eyes to stare at Wonwoo blankly. When he didn't say anything for a few moments, Wonwoo decided to elaborate.

"Every time I try to have this conversation with you, you refuse to talk about it," he pressed. "You like girls, or at least you liked the girls back home. I know that you want to fall in love—that you believe in love—but you've rejected every single girl that's been interested in you since we started at Hogwarts. It's okay, you know? I'm not going to become a recluse if you start going out with someone. I can take care of myself."

Mingyu continued to stare blankly at him, showing no sign that he was taking in anything that the Ravenclaw was saying. Irritated, Wonwoo waved his hand in his face.

"Is any of this getting across to you?" the usually laidback boy demanded.

Still not receiving an answer or any indication that Mingyu had processed anything he had just said, Wonwoo stood up and started gathering his things, trying not to be too aggressive about it. If Mingyu wanted to keep avoiding the subject, then he could do it by himself.

"Wha—wait, wait, wait!" Mingyu said hastily, lurching forward and tugging on his arm to stop him. "Don't leave! I... I'm not trying to be annoying on purpose, I just—" He cut himself off, exhaling through his teeth. "I don't really know how to explain it."

"Explain what?" Wonwoo asked, looking down at his best friend, who was still sitting on the floor.

"A lot of things," Mingyu replied, leaning back against the wall again, "but I promise you that I'm not turning down dates because I think that you can't function without me."

Now thoroughly embarrassed that he had even voiced that particular insecurity, Wonwoo hesitated for a moment before dropping his bag back on the floor and sitting back down next to him.

"I'm sorry I got upset," he murmured. "I just don't want to be the one holding you back from something that I know is important to you."

"You're right, it is important to me," Mingyu agreed, "but not right now." He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling of the Astronomy Tower. "It's funny... we're in our sixth year, we have one more year left after this before we have to go out into the world and decide what we want to do with our lives... and I still feel so... young."

"I mean... we are." Wonwoo looked up at the ceiling himself, eyes following the veins in the stone. "Sixteen is not old enough to really make any decisions, not even about girls."

"Right, so I don't really understand why everyone is trying to find their future spouses now. I know a lot of Pureblood families don't arrange their children's marriages anymore, but there are still a few Slytherins who are already bound to betrothal contracts! Betrothal contracts! In this day and age! Anyway..." Mingyu grabbed his bag and shook it, the contents rattling around inside. "This? It's all fake. These girls are only interested in me because they think I'm handsome."

"You are handsome, though," Wonwoo pointed out.

"Thanks, but my point is that they don't know me. They don't know anything about me," Mingyu said. "I'm nothing more than good looks to them—with bonus points for being a foreigner and adding to the intrigue."

"Well, how is anyone supposed to get to know you if you don't let anyone close enough?"

"I don't need anyone else!" the Hufflepuff insisted stubbornly. "I have a twelve-person friend group. For some people, that's more than enough. Plenty. A lot, even."

"Oh, you won't find any disagreements from me there," Wonwoo said, chuckling. "Sometimes I think our friend group is a little much at times, but they're very understanding about me time. Anyway, back to you, you're being very cynical. A lot of people our age date for fun. No one's telling you that it has to be that serious, it might just be nice to have someone to spend time with on Valentine's Day. That's all."

"Is that something you want?" Mingyu asked him.

"Someday," he answered. "Not today, though. Besides, no one's been asking me, but a lot of people have asked you. That's why I'm bringing it up. If you were less nice, the girls here might start calling you a heartbreaker. Even Cedric Diggory had a girlfriend, you know, before the Triwizard Tournament."

"They can say whatever they want about me, it doesn't matter," Mingyu said, shrugging. "We're graduating next year and I don't think I'm going to be looking for jobs here, so I don't have to play British wizarding politics by avoiding rejecting girls from good families. I value my time and I'm choosing to spend it with people whom I also value, which includes you. Like..." He scratched the back of his head, frowning. "I think you're the most important person in my life and I want to be with you forever, but like... in a... not romantic way? If that makes sense? Like, I think we could get a house together and split bills and go grocery shopping and I would find that just as fulfilling as doing all that stuff with a girlfriend. I mean, girls are nice, but they're not you."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'platonic'," the Ravenclaw supplied helpfully. "And for the record, I feel the same way. I think people whose friends stop existing for them once they get a significant other are terrible."

"Yeah, what is up with that?" Mingyu agreed. "Can you imagine Seungcheol and Jeonghan just dropping all of us? Or Seungkwan and Vernon?"

"Never." Wonwoo shook his head. "Our lives are all so wrapped up in each other's, the thirteen of us can never really be apart. We're going to be old and gray... and taking up an entire apartment complex building by ourselves."

"I think that would be fun, honestly. A huge high-rise in Seoul, paid for by Jeonghan hyung." Snickering, Mingyu dug through his bag, unearthing a couple of packages of kimbap wrapped in plastic from under the piles of candy and cards. "My mom sent these, by the way. She specifically told me that I could not eat your portion, so you are now legally obligated to eat it."

"Tell her I said thank you," Wonwoo said, gratefully accepting the kimbap and unwrapping the plastic. "Your mom always has really great timing, she just knows when to send food."

"See, now you have to be friends with me forever," Mingyu teased. "Otherwise, no kimbap for you."

Wonwoo punched the Hufflepuff's arm affectionately.

"I don't need kimbap for that," he promised. "We were always going to be friends forever."

"Is there something longer than forever?"

"Forever and a day."

"That's still forever."

"I know."

Hufflepuff Sixth Year Boys' Dormitories — February 14th (afternoon)

Seokmin shuffled through the pile of parchment in his hands as he trudged into the sixth year boys' dormitories, muttering to himself about moonstone properties and measurement conversions. Entirely preoccupied with trying to figure out where he might have made a mistake on his last quiz, he didn't notice that anything was amiss until a voice broke through his concentration.

"Whoa, what happened in here?"

Seokmin's head snapped up when his dorm mate walked into the room, the amazement in his tone catching his attention.

"Well, that's certainly something," he said, blinking at the grand display in front of him.

The curtains of his four-poster bed had been pulled back to reveal a large bouquet of red, pink, and white balloons floating in place with magic above his mattress. Also floating in the air was a single card in a plain white envelope with his name printed neatly on it, although it didn't look like anyone's handwriting that he recognized—especially since the person had written it in Korean and he knew what all of his friends' handwriting looked like when they wrote in Korean.

Seokmin crossed the room to his bed, dropping his bag on the floor and the parchment in his hands on his bedside table. He plucked the card out of the air, using a quick spell to break the wax seal on it without destroying the pretty heart shape. When he opened it, he saw that the person had tried to also write their message to him in Korean with the help of a translation spell; and while the words were a little clumsy, he immediately found himself touched by the effort.

"To the one and only Lee Seokmin,

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm sorry that I couldn't face you in person. I'm not ready to reveal myself to you yet, but I still want to tell you that you make me smile every single day because you deserve to know. Please accept this card and the balloons well, I worked really hard on the spells to make them work. Maybe someday I will be able to tell you how I feel face to face. Until then, please be happy and healthy, and tell some new jokes in class when you learn them. I promise I will laugh like I always do.

With love,

Your secret admirer"

Reaching the end of the card, Seokmin stared silently at the words on the cardstock paper, trying to think of people in his classes who maybe laughed a little too much at his jokes or paid him any kind of special attention. Truthfully, there were very few people who didn't find him funny, so he quickly gave up on trying to figure out his admirer's identity that way.

"Does the card say who the balloons are from?" his dorm mate asked him, breaking him out of his deep thought.

"No, secret," Seokmin replied absentmindedly.

"Oh, that's a shame. Well, good on you anyway, mate!" His fellow Hufflepuff clapped him on the shoulder. "At least there's someone out there who likes you a whole lot."

As the other boy left, Seokmin inspected the balloons with a critical eye. The card had said that his secret admirer had worked really hard on the spells to "make them work" and he was curious to see exactly what the balloons were meant to do. What could you even make balloons do with magic anyway?

Intrigued, he cautiously poked one at the front of the bunch and gasped as the shiny surface rippled, revealing the words "POP ME".

"But I'm easily startled," Seokmin muttered to himself.

Wand clutched in hand, he debated just leaving the balloons alone and enjoying the sight of them—but the thought of never finding out what kind of magic had been placed on them was too tempting for him to ignore.

Waving his wand, he then quickly braced himself for the loud pop, covering his ears. However, instead of a popping sound, a high-pitched voice chirped, "I hope your Valentine's Day is magical!"

The voice had been disguised, of course, but the realization that his secret admirer had charmed the balloons not to make sounds when he popped them because they knew he was easily startled had tears welling in the corners of his eyes. Wiping at his face with his sleeve, he eyed the remaining balloons, trying to decide which one to pop next so that he could hear a different message.

"Wow, who sent you those?" Junhui asked, peeking in the doorway on his way down the hall.

"No clue," Seokmin told him happily, "but they're pretty amazing. Look!"

The older Hufflepuff entered the room, approaching Seokmin's bed to get a closer look at the magic balloons. The sixth year tapped a random balloon, showing Junhui how the words "POP ME" appeared, then waved his wand, causing the balloon to pop.

"I must need Occlumency because I can't get you out of my head!" it trilled.

"That is some amazing charm work," Junhui praised, peering more closely at the balloons. "The person who sent them to you didn't leave a name?"

Seokmin passed him the card.

"Too shy," he informed him.

Junhui read over the contents of the card quickly then handed it back.

"Hmm, would've been nice to know so that you could thank them for their effort, but the gesture is thoughtful," he said, shrugging. "They even made it so the balloons wouldn't make noise when popped. They must have enough classes with you to know you're a big ole scaredy cat."

"Yah!" Seokmin huffed, even though it was true.

Junhui chuckled, ruffling his hair affectionately.

"I'm happy for you, Seokmin-ah," he said, his tone genuine. "I'll see you later, meeting up with Minghao."

"What else is new?" Seokmin called after him as he left. "Now, back to these balloons..."

The Whomping Willow — February 14th (early evening)

"Who do you think it is?" Junhui asked his best friend, having just finished telling him about the charmed balloons Seokmin had received from his secret admirer.

Minghao didn't look up as he answered, his focus on washing the tea leaves in preparation to brew tea for the two of them.

"Your guess is as good as mine. A lot of people think Seokmin is funny, I'm sure he has no shortage of admirers."

"Honestly, I kind of want to know just so that I can ask them how they came up with the spell," Junhui said thoughtfully. "It was really very impressive. Whoever did it must like Seokmin a lot."

Minghao hummed in agreement, still concentrating on the task at hand.

The pair had chosen a nice spot not too close to the tree to set up a small, low-rise table so that they could sit and drink their tea together. Minghao often held these tea ceremonies alone, something that he did purely for his own joy and relaxation. The activity required singular focus, which took his busy mind off of other things for a while. It's not that the others were never invited, but they understood that it was something he needed to do for himself; and he had an unparalleled collection of different teas for a sixteen-year-old living away from home.

Junhui stretched his arms over his head, looking up at the Whomping Willow looming deceptively calmly above them.

"Do you ever wonder about what it would be like to settle down with someone?" he mused. "Even if they really like you, they still might not understand certain aspects of your personality or what's really important to you. What if they don't appreciate your tea ceremonies?"

"I haven't really thought about it," Minghao replied, tone even. "I know that I'd like to settle down eventually, but that seems pretty far off. There are still so many things I want to do first—like graduate from this school that we worked so hard to get into. I'm not enduring racism and xenophobia from narrow-minded Brits to worry about whether some witch from the English countryside appreciates my tea ceremonies. Besides, I do the tea ceremonies for myself, not for other people."

"You're preparing a tea ceremony for me now," Junhui pointed out.

"Yeah, well, that's you."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you're not on the same level as everyone else," Minghao elaborated. "You're my best friend, and I know you do appreciate my tea ceremonies."

Not even remotely satisfied by the reassurance his best friend was giving him, the Hufflepuff pressed further.

"Will you miss me after I graduate?" Junhui's eyes left the Whomping Willow, dropping back down to observe Minghao's hands as he started to steep the tea leaves in hot water. "Tell me honestly."

"Don't be stupid," Minghao told him flatly and without missing a beat.

"Hey! I was just asking—"

"And I'm telling you again: don't be stupid." Minghao didn't take his eyes off the tea leaves, even as he spoke. "No offense to our friends but you know I'd miss you the most. I can't believe I even have to tell you that."

"It wouldn't hurt you to tell me sometimes! I like the reassurance."

"All of our friends are already talking about how I'm going to try and sneak you into the Ravenclaw dorms every weekend next year. If they know it, then so do you. Now drink your tea."

His tone was not unkind, simply matter-of-fact, the way it often was. Junhui knew that Minghao was nice in his own way, and he definitely cared about him—he just communicated it a little differently.

Having already poured the freshly brewed tea, Minghao carefully slid a teacup across the table towards the Hufflepuff. Junhui simply stared at the cup for a moment, admiring the detail and craftsmanship of the emerald green and gold accent pattern. Tendrils of steam wafted up gently but Junhui knew it would be the perfect temperature. It always was.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, finally picking up his tea and bringing it to his lips.

Minghao hummed in response, picking up his own tea. The fragrance coming from the perfectly steeped jasmine tea leaves filled the chilly February air around them, almost as if they were in their own bubble.

Most days they really were.

Junhui knew that he was really lucky that Minghao had come to Hogwarts at the same time as him, even though they were a year apart. It had been a long and difficult process to get accepted as a second year; and if Headmistress McGonagall had been a less generous woman, he never would've met Minghao—or any of the others. They had been made fun of and harassed from the moment they had arrived, but now—almost at the end of his time at the illustrious school—he wouldn't have done things any differently.

Now, if he could only be as certain about what laid ahead.

"Do you think falling in love is as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be?" Junhui asked, setting his cup down.

"You're full of existential questions today." Minghao also set his cup down. "I think... that it's probably really nice in its own way... but that it's not the only kind of love that's important. Love comes in all forms and they're all equally necessary and fulfilling. People put all of their eggs in the romantic love basket and then wonder why they're still unhappy when they ditched all their friends for a new relationship."

"So you don't think it's lame that you're having tea with your best friend on Valentine's Day?"

"Of course not." Minghao snorted. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing. Anyway, do you think it's lame for Mingyu and Wonwoo to be hanging out in the Astronomy Tower of all places doing who knows what when Mingyu has the entire female student population after him?"

"No, not at all," Junhui replied quickly. "They are each other's most important person."

"Exactly." Minghao smiled at his best friend over the rim of his teacup. "Aren't I your most important person?"

"Yes. Always yes," Junhui assured him.

"And you're mine, so don't worry about it anymore," Minghao said, reaching across the table to pat Junhui's shoulder fondly.

"Why do I feel like you're the older one instead of me?"

"Because it's my duty to impart wisdom upon you from time to time," the Ravenclaw informed him matter-of-factly. "It comes with the house."

Junhui rolled his eyes.

"In other news, my mother wrote to me this morning letting me know that one of the girls with whom I attended primary school told her parents that I'm going to a private school in the UK, and so they contacted my parents asking if they had any prospective fiancées in mind for me," Minghao told him. "My pretend pedigreed education is apparently an attractive quality."

"Ah, they're Muggles," Junhui concluded. "Your parents don't have a problem with that, do they?"

"No, definitely not." Minghao shook his head. "I just think it's much more difficult to try and be in relationships with non-magic folk. You have to hide so much, not even just because you think they can't be trusted but because you never know how they're going to take the news. It's a lot of information for most people to handle."

"I don't know, I think my father took it pretty well," Junhui said, thinking back to the story his parents had told him about how his mother had broken the news to her then-boyfriend that she was a witch. "But he is a little odd himself, so I think he was just relieved that she wasn't as normal as he thought she was."

"Your parents are a pretty strange pair," Minghao admitted, "but I like them. They're very nice."

"And your parents are hilarious," Junhui returned, remembering when they had come to the pick-up point at Hogsmeade to take a Portkey back to China for the summer just last year. "You really take after them."

Minghao shrugged.

"Superior genetics."

Junhui snorted into his teacup, blowing bubbles across the surface of the still-hot liquid.

"Don't scoff," Minghao pretended to scold him. "You have the very best best friend you could possibly ask for. You should be grateful."

Still holding the teacup to his face to hide his smile, Junhui nodded in agreement.

"Oh, I am. I always am."

The Library — February 14th (early evening)

"I knew I'd find you here!" Soonyoung exclaimed happily, weaving through the aisles as he skipped towards the study tables.

Jihoon looked up at the Gryffindor, frowning. The table that he was sitting at was covered entirely in books and parchment, a stark contrast to the other empty tables. In fact, his was the only occupied table in the entire library. Madame Pince wasn't even lurking in the shadows as usual, considering that Soonyoung was speaking at louder than an inside voice and she hadn't come over to reprimand him.

"I'm usually here," he deadpanned, looking back down at his work, "the same of which cannot be said for you."

Soonyoung didn't look the least bit offended by Jihoon's words, long since used to his particular form of communication. Undeterred, he looked down at all of the materials spread out on the table, trying to figure out what Jihoon was working on even though it was upside down for him.

"You have to be the only person in the entire school who's studying today!" he pouted, pawing at the parchment nearest to him. "It's Valentine's Day! A day for love! What are you even working on?"

"Getting ahead," Jihoon said shortly, yanking the parchment back from him. "Love can wait."

"Jihoon-ah, you'll work yourself to death," Soonyoung chided him, pulling out the chair opposite the Ravenclaw. "I think you should take a break."

"That's how I like it," Jihoon grumbled, "and I have nothing pressing to attend to tonight, so there's no point in taking a break."

"I came all the way up here, to the library—where I never am, as you correctly pointed out—to find you and you won't pull yourself away from your books to hang out with me?"

Jihoon's quill paused mid-scratch, the only indication that he had heard the seventh year's question, before he continued writing.

"You don't usually ask me to hang out," he said, his tone bordering on indifferent.

"It's not for lack of wanting to. I always want to," Soonyoung admitted. "And I always think you're going to say no, so I never ask."

He thought he could see a faint pink blush on Jihoon's cheeks but it was hard to tell from this angle.

"That's not very Gryffindor of you," Jihoon commented, scribbling away.

"It's the one thing in which I lack courage," Soonyoung huffed. "But to be fair, you're very intimidating, even though you're the cutest person I know."

Jihoon accidentally pressed down on the parchment too hard with his quill, creating an ink blot over the words he was writing. Swearing under his breath, the tips of his ears red, he waved his wand at the offending spot.

"Stop talking nonsense," he hissed, the red flush spreading from his ears to the rest of his face.

"I'm not!" Soonyoung insisted. "I think you're the cutest person in the whole school!"

"Shut up!"

Jihoon wasn't even trying to focus on his work anymore, intent on getting Soonyoung to stop talking before he had a coronary. Not that it was possible. The seventh year was actually very shy—but you would never know it by the way his mouth ran a million miles when he was around his friends. He seemed determined to say his piece and nothing was going to get in the way of him saying it.

"You're always so strict and I think it's because you like it when people listen to you, but you're always doing nice things for people while pretending that you had nothing to do with it," the Gryffindor continued, oblivious to the fact that Jihoon was now bypassing red and heading into scarlet. "Like that time you jinxed those people who had been making fun of Junhui and Minghao when they first arrived. It was so impressive, I remember thinking that you were such a cool and dependable person even back then."

"That's enough!"

"And you're so buff for such a small and cute person." Soonyoung rested his chin on one hand. "You could probably knock me out if you really wanted to. Honestly, please do it, it would be the greatest honor of my life. Anyway, it makes no sense... and yet it makes perfect sense. Everything about you is just... so fascinating."

The Ravenclaw jumped up from his chair, hurling the quill he had been using at Soonyoung, who turned and ducked just in time to watch it sail over his head.

"Whoa! What was that for?"

"Why are you saying all this?" Jihoon demanded. "Did you come up here just to embarrass me?"

Realizing that he and the sixth year were not on the same page in spite of the way he had just gushed about him, Soonyoung shook his head.

Apparently he had not been clear enough.

"Accio quill," he murmured, holding a hand out for the quill Jihoon had thrown at him before offering it back to him. "I'm not trying to embarrass you, although I am sorry if that's how you feel. I'm just trying to tell you how I feel, which is that you scare me but I like it—I like you."

Jihoon snatched his quill back, face still impossibly red.

"You have a funny way of showing it," he snapped. "You have mere months left before you graduate, your timing is nothing if not grossly impeccable."

"I know, I haven't been very brave," Soonyoung said, shrugging, not even the least bit put off by Jihoon's criticism. "I really didn't want to ruin our dynamic or make things weird for the others, but if we hadn't agreed to the no dates rule for the Yule Ball, I would've asked you."

"You said you weren't interested in anyone when Minghao asked you," Jihoon pointed out, narrowing his eyes at him.

"So I lied." Soonyoung started gathering the parchment on the table into a pile. "I haven't exactly told anyone that I've been harboring this secret crush on you for three years. I'm no good at keeping secrets but I was very good at keeping this one. And stop being so pragmatic about this, I'm trying to be romantic."

"I really don't know what you want me to say to all of this," Jihoon said snippily. "You're the last person I expected to confess to having a years-long crush on me."

"How about you say what you want to say?" Soonyoung suggested, a hopeful expression on his face.

Jihoon, having just noticed that the seventh year had compiled all his parchment into a neat stack, slid the pile away from him and across the table, putting everything into his school bag. He then waved his wand, sending his books flying back onto the shelves in their rightful places. When he had stalled enough, he sighed and turned to face the Gryffindor.

"I know we've been friends for my entire time at Hogwarts thus far," he began finally. "I know that I can trust you, that you're telling the truth—that you wouldn't confess just to yank the rug out from under me, as I believe the expression goes. I know all of that, logically, but considering that—as you said—people find me intimidating, it's hard to imagine someone being so earnest about their feelings for me. Most people think I'm too... domineering."

His hands came up to his throat, loosening his blue and bronze tie from around his neck.

"I can't even really say if I like you as more than a friend or not," he said, sounding apologetic. "I didn't think it was a possibility, so I never considered you in that way."

Soonyoung leaned over the table between them, reaching for the Ravenclaw's school bag and hoisting the strap over one shoulder. He maintained eye contact the entire time, willing Jihoon to believe him but also wanting to fluster him just a little bit more.

"But as you said, you know that you can trust me," he pointed out. "Plus, if you think about it, you're a strict taskmaster and I'm a glutton for punishment—we're perfect for each other."

Jihoon tried to wrestle his school bag back from the taller boy, his pale face gaining back the red that had just begun to fade.

"You can't just say things like that!" he hissed.

Soonyoung simply tugged the bag out of his grasp and just out of his reach, smiling cheekily.

"I've waited three years to confess," he reminded him. "Now that the secret's out, I have all sorts of things that I kept to myself that I'm going to say—including how adorable I think you are. Walk with me?"

Jihoon stared up at him for a few moments, expression unreadable. If he thought at all about refusing him, the thought didn't last. Tucking his hands into his pockets, he nodded towards the front of the library.

"Well, after you then."

Slytherin Common Room — February 14th (dusk)

"Hong!"

Joshua didn't even so much as raise his head, instead making an indifferent "mmm" sound in acknowledgement.

He didn't need to look to see who it was—the voice alone was clue enough.

William Bennington the third was an awful homage to the Pureblood Slytherins of old. With generations of English aristocratic breeding to support his claim to everything he wanted in life, he was disliked even within his own house and by many of the portraits in the dungeons; and after seven long years sharing a dormitory with him, he still said "Hong" with a certain sneer that was clearly affected by poorly concealed racism.

At this point, Joshua had been living in the UK long enough to let things roll off his back, but William could've given Draco Malfoy a run for his money with the way he paraded about the school as if he owned it.

"Pretty prince doesn't have a date tonight?" William asked him, dropping down onto the sofa across from him, his tone mocking.

"Not that I'm aware of," Joshua replied pleasantly, still not looking up from his book.

"Hey, it just goes to show you that looks aren't everything in life," the other boy commented snidely. "The girls here won't go after some foreigner with no title. And aren't you a Half-Blood?" he added as an afterthought. "Yeah, that won't do at all."

Joshua turned the page, letting William carry on the conversation by himself. The golden-haired heir to a Potions empire (or so he claimed, Joshua had never bothered to verify this) had been harassing him from the moment he had set foot in the common room first year; and he had long since learned that it was best to let him converse with himself to get everything out of his system before he was satisfied. Not only did William take issue with his race and his blood status, he seemed oddly offended by his appearance as well, referring to him as "pretty" with his tone suggesting that he did not mean it in a positive way.

"Nothing to say?" William asked him softly, noticing that his tirade was falling on deaf ears. "Truth hurts, does it?"

"If you say so." Joshua barely shrugged his shoulders.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say.

"You think you're better than me?" William demanded, suddenly shooting up from his seat. "That you can sit there like you're royalty and I'm some sort of commoner? I'm far more important than you will ever be!"

Joshua sighed, recognizing that his night would be a lost cause if he didn't address this particular problem promptly, and slipped a tasseled bookmark in between the pages of his book before closing it and looking up at his aggressor for the first time during their previously one-sided confrontation.

"I get that certain things matter to you," he said carefully, "but they don't matter to me—and they don't matter to a lot of people anymore, not even the Slytherins here. I didn't realize that me being dateless on Valentine's Day was of such great significance to you, especially when it's of no significance to me and my evening. Maybe you should be more worried about the fact that you care so much about what I'm doing with my time, alone or otherwise."

William's upper lip curled into a sneer, his eyes narrowing.

"Listen, you filthy—"

"Oh, shut it, Bennington," snapped a voice from behind Joshua.

Joshua turned to look over his shoulder, noticing that Mira Nott had just come from the girls' dormitories and was standing just behind the sofa he was sitting on.

According to Jeonghan—who seemed to always know the latest gossip amongst the various wizarding families—Theodore Nott had settled down with a Pureblood witch from Bulgaria who had graduated from Durmstrang. They had met while Theo had been taking some time away from England and had returned together shortly after their wedding.

While she had been a cute girl when she had first arrived, Mira had grown into an exceptionally pretty young woman by the age of seventeen. Taller than most of the other girls in the school, the first thing that Joshua had noticed about her was that she had perfectly straight posture that adjusted minutely according to her movements. With long, dark curls framing her face, a warm complexion, and high cheekbones, she had the best features of both of her parents—except that she had one brown and one blue eye, both of which were cunning yet also surprisingly kind. Top of the class in at least every class Joshua shared with her, she was also the Slytherin Seeker; and he loved to watch her fly against Seungcheol during matches. Her intellect and athleticism made her a formidable opponent, and their matches were always close ones.

All that being said, Mira was obviously highly sought after—even by William Bennington the third.

"Don't mind him. Joshua," she said to him, a beautiful, wicked smile on her face as she made direct eye contact with William. "If betrothal contracts were still common practice, I would've already asked my father to request a meeting with your parents to discuss one."

Joshua resisted the urge to grin broadly at the way William's face had gone absolutely scarlet, a purple vein starting to make its appearance at his temple.

"You flatter me, Mira," he said to her instead, laying it on a little thick for the benefit of their audience, even as he ignored him. "I don't think I would be opposed to such a meeting. There's still time to write to your parents and mine."

Standing up, he offered her his arm.

"Walk with me?" he asked, every bit the perfect gentleman.

"Of course," she replied, walking around the sofa and linking arms with him.

Triggered by the events taking place right in front of him, their forgotten peer leapt up from his seat, positively quivering with entitled rage.

"Mira! You cannot possibly be thinking about entering a betrothal contract with that Half-Blood foreigner! My father—"

William's deranged bellows were cut off abruptly as the door swung shut behind them.

"I wonder what his father would have to say if he knew that the daughter of a Sacred Twenty-Eight family had filed a complaint with the school governors about the shady little deals William conducts in the prefects' bathroom," Mira said innocently.

Joshua smiled at her, completely enamored. Was there any other witch at this school more perfect than the one looking at him right now?

"You are so ruthless, I love it," he told her.

She tossed her hair over one shoulder, smiling back at him.

"Tell me more."

Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch — February 14th (evening)

"Yoo-hoo! Channie!"

Chan squinted down at the figure waving up at him, figuring out who it was based on the gleaming head of hair.

Camille Archambault, which she had told him meant "bold master"—the girl from the Yule Ball.

It had been almost two months since Christmas and he had met up with the stunning beauty from Beauxbatons a handful of times—a Hogsmeade outing here, a walk on the grounds there. They were what some people might call dating, if a little intensely for something that was supposed to be casual. Translation spells helped bridge the language barrier; and she was sweet, funny, and charming. She was quite good at spells, and she had told him that if she had been a student during the time of the Triwizard Tournament, she would have entered. She liked picnics by the greenhouses and broom rides with her arms wrapped around his waist, coffee with milk poured in delicate swirls and the feeling of his hand intertwined with hers, primrose perfume and the way he got red right before he kissed her.

Sometimes he found himself thinking that he should be a little more cautious with his heart—that he should be waiting for the other foot to drop—but so far he was having fun, and he supposed that was what mattered.

He was surprised that she could tell it was him considering how high up he was, but he did catch her staring at him from the Ravenclaw table quite often. She never looked embarrassed at having been caught—in fact, it only emboldened her and he ended up having to be the one to look away.

"That girl never gets tired of looking at you," Jeonghan had told him once, the disdain in his voice more like that of a disapproving parent rather than an overprotective friend. "I wonder how she manages to concentrate on her studies when she's staring at you all the time. I suppose she'd at least get an Outstanding in Lee Chan."

"Let them be, Hannie," Seungcheol had admonished him gently.

Secretly, Chan wondered what Camille saw in him, exactly. She had been the one to ask him to dance at the Yule Ball and the one to lead him out to the gardens that night. She had also initiated all of their dates so far, as well as most of their shows of affection, which he still hadn't quite gotten used to. After their time together at the ball, he hadn't expected to hear from her again, yet she kept seeking him out. She seemed to have memorized his schedule to account for all the classes she didn't share with him—she always knew where to find him, even when he didn't tell anyone where he was going.

It was flattering, he had to admit.

At the ball, she had asked him how to pronounce his name correctly, repeating it multiple times even after he had told her that she had down—and then proceeded to only refer to him as Channie, saying that it was her cute name for him. One of the other Beauxbatons girls, having only heard Camille call him Channie, tried to use the nickname one morning and the next time he saw her, she was missing her eyebrows.

"Why doesn't she just grow them back?" Mingyu had asked, perplexed.

"If she would, she could," Chan had replied, shrugging. "Camille's really good at spells, the other girl probably can't figure out how to reverse it."

"Wow, you'd better make sure she never gets mad at you."

Privately, he agreed.

That being said, he wondered if she felt like she had to teach him everything—where to put his hands, when to kiss her, what he should say. He had made his lack of experience known that night in the gardens, but she hadn't seemed to mind. She had simply directed him and he took direction well.

And yet... he couldn't help but think it was as though they were caught up in a race in which only she knew where the finish line was—and the thought made him more than a little sweaty-palmed.

Coming back to his senses, he Summoned the Quaffle he had been practicing with and tucked it under one arm. Although he wasn't on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Chan still liked to fly. It brought him peace and helped clear his mind, and on an evening when he figured he had no plans, it was the perfect way to spend his time.

I guess I have plans now, he thought to himself.

He circled the goalposts on the far right side of the pitch, making a nose dive and pulling up straight just as his toes skimmed the grass. He dismounted smoothly, giving Camille a friendly smile as he approached her, Nimbus 3000 broom in one hand and Quaffle in the other.

"Hi, Camille," he greeted her. "What can I do for you this evening?"

"Bon soir, Channie," she returned, smiling prettily at him. "I admit, I am a little disappointed that you did not come looking for me today. I was hoping that we could spend some time together."

"Ah, I wasn't aware that that was what you wanted," he told her sheepishly. "It's Valentine's Day and we're not, you know, official, so I didn't think you would want to do anything."

"Channie, Channie, Channie." Camille shook her golden blonde head. He caught sight of delicate pearl strand earrings dangling from her ears, a matching set with the string of pearls around her neck. "I am going back to France at the end of term, do you think I want to waste time going slow?"

"I wouldn't think it was a waste of time," he protested, cheeks growing pink. "I just... haven't really hung out with a lot of girls. You move kind of fast."

"Oh, I know, mon chéri, it is what makes you one of the good boys," she said, touching his cheek, her expression fond. "I always enjoy our time together, and I think it would be silly to not make the most of the time we have left, non?"

Chan dropped the Quaffle on the grass and placed his own hand over her hand on his face.

Being with Camille was like one ongoing surprise party. Sure, it was fun, but it also kind of gave him a heart attack. Even though he always did his best to try and read her mind before she actually executed any of her plans, he more often than not found himself unprepared. It was a little jarring to be caught unawares as many times as he had been since they had started seeing each other, but he knew that he had to enjoy the ride while it lasted.

She was, after all, leaving at the end of term.

"Let me shower first?" he asked her.

She tilted her head to the side to press her lips to his other cheek.

"Meet me at the entrance to the grounds in half an hour," she murmured in his ear. "I'll be waiting."

The Gilded Phoenix (Private Room) — February 14th (night)

"You know I really didn't need all of this," Jeonghan said, taking a sip from the glass of elf wine he was holding daintily in one hand. "We could have stayed at school and I would have been just as happy."

"I know, but it's our last year at Hogwarts. Maybe it sounds kind of childish... but I just wanted to do something to commemorate our last year as kids," Seungcheol told his boyfriend honestly, shrugging. "Life is going to change pretty dramatically once we graduate. I feel like we're never going to have this kind of peace again."

"So you wanted to live in this bubble of youthful innocence one last time," Jeonghan guessed.

"Exactly."

"We're still going to be kids when we graduate," Jeonghan said thoughtfully. "The Wizarding World in the UK moves so fast, it's amazing how anyone manages to find something stable so soon after graduation."

"Are you planning on going home?" Seungcheol asked him.

"Yes, for a while. My parents will want to see me—and they'll want to see you as well."

"I think I'll go home for a little while, too." Seungcheol ran a finger around the rim of his wine glass absentmindedly. "There's this famous producer based in London whom I'm trying to get an internship with, though. I'll need to find a job so that I can get a flat nearby if I get accepted."

"Darling, you know that you don't have to work if you don't want to," the Slytherin reminded him. "I don't have to work if I don't want to, and I'm more than capable of taking care of both of us. Besides, my family loves you. We'd be married as soon as we landed on Korean soil if it were up to them."

"Spoiled rich kid," Seungcheol teased.

"You love me," Jeonghan flirted back.

"Always." Seungcheol took Jeonghan's hand, his thumb skimming the tops of his knuckles affectionately. "Look, I appreciate you offering to support me financially, but I want to be able to do things on my own, whatever I choose to pursue."

"Your music has always been important to you. You're an artist. You could... simply think of me as your patron," Jeonghan suggested.

"Hannie—"

"I mean it," Jeonghan insisted. "You would be focusing on making music without worrying about your finances. It's not like I would be paying for you to stay idle. I'm sure I could also come up with work for you."

"I really can't accept," Seungcheol said firmly, "so please don't ask me to."

Jeonghan set down his wine glass with a huff.

"You never let me do anything for you!" the Slytherin exclaimed, eyes narrowed dangerously. "I always indulge this little... complex you seem to have about being perceived as the provider, but you know that that concept is extremely outdated. There is no hunter-gatherer dynamic in the twenty-first century."

"You think this is about my masculinity?" Seungcheol asked incredulously.

"Yes, I do!" Jeonghan snapped. "I let you open jars for me and move my furniture around because I know it makes you feel useful. The least you could let me do is use the resources I have to help you!"

The Gryffindor leaned back in his chair, staring at his boyfriend in disbelief.

"So that's how you really see me," he said flatly.

Jeonghan sighed, deflating at once.

"Cheollie, it's not that I see you as some sort of caveman," he said sadly. "You help me all the time. I just want to be able to help you for once."

Seungcheol's expression softened. He knew that Jeonghan just wanted to help—he was generous to a fault, and throwing his money at problems was his way of trying to make things better. There was some truth to what he was saying, though—his ego wouldn't let him allow his boyfriend to pay all the bills while he tried to make it as an artist.

"You do help me," he murmured, taking both of Jeonghan's hands in his. "You help me every day just by existing. I'm already taking advantage of the fact that you wake up every morning still wanting to be with me."

"You're stupid," Jeonghan huffed, eyes watery. "You big, stupid man. You're not taking advantage of anything. Sometimes I wish you would!"

"Alright, point taken." Seungcheol chuckled, gently smacking the palm of one of Jeonghan's hands. "I mean it, though. Do you know how coveted you are by most of the student body?"

"Of course everyone wants me," the Slytherin scoffed. "As they should. It doesn't mean that they can have me. I'm yours, and I always will be."

Seungcheol smiled at him.

"I know."

"So will you let me bankroll your endeavors in music?" Jeonghan asked hopefully.

Seungcheol stared at him for a moment, considering.

"I'll think about it," he said finally.

"I suppose that's the best offer I'm going to get." Jeonghan sighed dramatically, picking his wine glass back up. "Life doesn't have to be so hard, you know. If there's an easy way, you should take it, never mind your moral qualms regarding classism and the way the one percent uses their wealth to get ahead in life."

"Hannie, you're the one percent," Seungcheol pointed out dryly.

"And what about it?" he sassed back.

"Nothing, you're the most benevolent benefactor in all the land," the Gryffindor said primly.

Jeonghan reached across the table and tugged his boyfriend forward by his black tie, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"Only for you."

The Black Lake — February 14th (early evening)

Vernon paced back and forth anxiously on the far shore of the Black Lake. He had tasked a pair of what he hoped were reliable second-year Hufflepuffs to locate Seungkwan and bring him to the Black Lake, where he would get in a boat that he had charmed to row itself across the water. He had spent more of half of the time between the day he had talked to Seungcheol and Valentine's Day panicking over what to do, then spent the remaining time trying to get everything together, including practicing the spell to make the boat row itself for several days. That morning, he had packed a picnic basket full of all of his boyfriend's favorite things, as well as a blanket, and he hoped that his sincerity would come across.

Before they had started a relationship, Vernon and Seungkwan had been friends, and even then they had done something small and quiet for previous Valentine's Days, just because there was no one else they'd rather have spent that time with—and because Vernon had spent his first five years at Hogwarts avoiding any girls who even looked at him longer than necessary. So really, he didn't need to worry. Seungkwan just happened to be his boyfriend now—it wasn't as though he needed to be impressed further.

Vernon looked down at the picnic basket sitting on the rather cliché red and gold patterned blanket and wondered if it was enough.

Maybe I should have gotten flowers? he fretted.

It wasn't so much about the fact that it was Valentine's Day than it was about how much Vernon had been worrying about Seungkwan since his late friend's birthday.

Every time the Gryffindor had tried to approach his boyfriend to try and get him to open up, Seungkwan had always come up with excuses for why he couldn't talk and would busy himself with something else. It was frustrating, of course, but it was more anxiety-inducing than anything—and more than once Vernon wondered if he was just a really bad significant other who didn't know how to talk to his partner just right in order to get him to confide in him.

"Agh!"

Startled out of his own self-wallowing, Vernon looked up to see the boat that he had charmed to carry Seungkwan across the lake rocking back and forth wildly—with Seungkwan in it.

Privately, Vernon was relieved that the boat was already pretty close to shore, but he didn't think that his boyfriend would see it that way—and definitely not after the boat tipped to one side, dumping Seungkwan into the lake that was surely still freezing.

"Oh, no," Vernon muttered, covering his face with his hands. "He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me then bring me back so that he can kill me again."

Peeking through the gaps in his fingers, he watched as Seungkwan swam the remaining distance from where the boat had tipped over to the shore, weighed down by his school robes. A fairly decent swimmer from his years spent growing up on an island, Seungkwan was letting his fury propel him forward with surprising strength. Dripping wet and looking absolutely furious, he stomped up the bank towards Vernon, who silently sent prayers heavenward and hoped someone heard him.

"Hansol Vernon Chwe!" The Hufflepuff tore through his full name. "You'd better have a good explanation for this!"

Not my government name, Vernon grimaced.

Lowering his hands from his face, he said uncertainly, "Happy... Valentine's Day?"

Seeing that Seungkwan was opening his mouth to deliver what would probably be the human equivalent of a Howler message on a Monday morning in front of the entire Great Hall, Vernon interrupted.

"Look, I didn't mean for you to get dumped into the lake!" he blurted out. "I've been planning everything since the beginning of the month and with everything else, I didn't have that much time to practice the spell on the boat. It was just supposed to bring you across the lake without you having to do anything, I swear!"

Seungkwan held up an index finger, cutting him off. Vernon shut his mouth abruptly, anxious, as his boyfriend leaned his body to one side and peered over his shoulder at the blanket laid out behind him with the picnic basket.

"Kwannie," Vernon began.

Seungkwan made a noise, his index finger still raised. He inhaled deeply—dramatically—then lowered his finger.

"You planned all of this?" he asked.

Vernon nodded rapidly.

Seungkwan exhaled.

"Okay, walk me through your vision." The Hufflepuff gestured with his hands for his boyfriend to proceed. "Tell me what was going through your mind when you came up with all this. I want to know."

"Well, it's our first Valentine's Day together as a couple." Vernon scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "And I know that you've been really sad since Binnie's birthday..." When he noticed Seungkwan had stiffened at the mention of his friend, he said defensively, "I tried to talk to you about it so many times but you wouldn't talk to me! I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong, or that you felt like you couldn't trust me to open up... so I talked to Seungcheol hyung."

"And he told you to drown your boyfriend in the Black Lake?" Seungkwan deadpanned.

"He told me that I should use Valentine's Day as an opportunity to show you that you're not alone," Vernon corrected him gently.

Seungkwan huffed, wringing the water out of his robes as he avoided looking at the Gryffindor. Vernon watched him for several minutes while he fussed over his water-logged clothes before he finally straightened up and took a few steps closer to him.

Vernon held his breath.

He's going to break up with me, he chanted in his head. He's realized how bad I am at this whole relationship thing and he is going to break up with me.

"I'm only going to say this once, so you'd better listen," Seungkwan told him sternly, holding his face securely between wet hands. "Well, not only once, because I will always tell you good things about yourself so that you're aware of your own worth, but regardless! Me not talking to you about Binnie has nothing to do with how good of a boyfriend—or even how good of a friend—you are. You are doing wonderfully, I promise. Do you understand? Nod for yes, shake for no."

Vernon nodded, face still trapped between Seungkwan's hands.

"It's very difficult for bossy people like me to let go," the Hufflepuff continued, trying to sound flippant. "We need to be taken care of just like everyone else, but we're not very good at letting other people take care of us. And it shows in our dynamic, even after we got together," he added, using one hand to gesture between Vernon and himself. "So me avoiding talking to you every time you tried to talk to me about Binnie is not because you're not good at being supportive, because you are—it's because I'm not good at being vulnerable. Understand? Nod for yes, shake for no."

Vernon nodded again.

"I appreciate the effort you put into this." Seungkwan smiled at him, the effect only slightly diminished by his bangs still dripping water onto his face. "I appreciate the effort you put into us, all the time; and I'm sorry that I made you feel as though I didn't."

"I know how hard it is for you to say sorry first," Vernon teased, his voice muffled by the squishing of his cheeks. "So I appreciate it."

"Yah!" Seungkwan pinched his cheeks gently. "But you're right, and I really am sorry. You're an amazing boyfriend and I love you." Vernon jumped, not expecting the sudden declaration when neither of them had never said those words before. Noticing this thanks to his grip on his face, Seungkwan only held on more firmly. "Do you understand? Nod for yes, shake for no."

Unable to do anything else, Vernon nodded.

"Good."

Seungkwan loosened his grasp and stroked the apples of Vernon's cheeks with his thumbs affectionately.

"Because I do. Love you, I mean. Since first year, when you told those boys off in class for bullying me," he clarified unnecessarily. "I knew then and there that you were someone I could count on, and you've proven time and time again how right I was—although, of course, I've never been wrong in my life. So I'll tell you that I love you all the time, because you need to hear it. I want you to hear it and know that I mean it, because I've never meant anything more in my entire existence on this wretched planet."

Vernon swallowed.

"Kwannie, I—"

Seungkwan stopped him, putting a hand over his mouth.

"Tell me when you're ready," he said. "I'll still love you then, even if you make me wait for a long time. But don't make me wait too long, okay? Nod for yes, shake for no."

Vernon nodded.

#GeniusLabStorytime #SEVENTEEN #SEVENTEEN x Hogwarts #TW: mentions of Moonbin from ASTRO #VerKwan is the main attraction #MinWon but like... platonically #Seokmin's admirer is secret because they're too shy to reveal themselves #JunHao but like... also platonically?#Joshua has an admirer because of course he does #Chan is still having dalliances with the Beauxbatons girl from the Christmas AU #JeongCheol #And a new pairing that wasn't established in the Christmas AU... SoonHoon!#There's all kinds of tension but everyone is happy in the end #It was so much easier to write the Christmas AU because they were more grouped together #I had to come up with something for each of them to do whether as a pair or on their own with an original character #Carat Day #Valentine's Day

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amyintherapy · 5 months

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"Good Parenting"

I had an eye-opening therapy appointment this week. The kind that makes me feel like...how did I not see things this way all along? It's so obvious?

But, I didn't, so I guess here's to sharing in case someone else hadn't realized this yet either. And to just continue processing on my own if this is obvious to everyone but me already, haha.

I'll skip over the conversation that led into this, as I don't think it's really needed. But my therapist said something like "Some people think of parenting as basically being about taking care of a child's body. They are a 'good parent' if they make sure their children are fed three meals a day, bathed and groomed. If they sign permission slips and make sure the homework was done and they have clean clothing and get taken to school...that's what parenting means to them. I think your mom did a good job of taking care of your body, but children aren't just a body. They have tons of emotions, thoughts and beliefs that result in a lot of emotional needs...and sometimes those are ignored while the body is taken care of and people see that as good parenting."

And just...yeah. DUH. Of course that's what a lot of people think. That's why I come across tiktoks by boomers who have adult children who have gone no-contact and they're screaming about how they have NO idea what their child's problem is, because they were a GREAT parent and they even took their kid to Disney every year. I've literally seen the Disney comment multiple times and thought...going to Disney just means you have at least a little money. That doesn't have shit to do with whether you were a good parent or not? Who says that?

But it totally makes sense that if you see 'good parenting' as being about making sure your child is clean, has access to health care, gets to school on time, etc - that you might honestly think that you were an AMAZING parent if you did those things PLUS spent thousands on a vacation. I think what they're really saying is "I met ALL their (physical) needs and gave them lots of UNNEEDED things too! So clearly I was a perfect parent!"

After my mind was done exploding, I said something to my therapist about how that's fascinating to me because while I, of course, recognize that physically caring for kids is important, too - I see parenting as primarily an emotional or social thing. And I identify far more with my emotions, thoughts and beliefs than I do my body.

She said she doesn't think that's true for a lot of people. She used the example of how a lot of people's primary identity comes from their job (or career path, income, etc) and how that is a by-product of living in a world where we're taught to identify with our bodies over our emotional or social needs from the time we're little kids.

At some point, she also pointed out that there's a relationship between the two - and how in my case, my mom failed to protect my body (in part, at least) because of the lack of emotional care. She was referring to how I was sexually abused and didn't tell anyone about it for years due to the lack of support that I had. And like...yeah. It totally makes sense that you run the risk of not even doing a thorough job of taking care of their body if you don't have a really solid emotional connection with your children. I think I'm starting to realize that my cPTSD isn't just my stepdad and his explosive anger, and my mom catering to his anger to try to keep things calmer. It was also caused by the emotional neglect.

#my posts #ptsd #cptsd #childhood emotional neglect #emotionally immature parents #childhood ptsd #insecure attachment #attachment trauma

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bluegreykim · 1 year

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basically i'm gay & coming out to you rewatch thoughts

tw / homophobia references, internalized homophobia references, general mentions of depression

just watched all of basically im gay again and this video honestly changed my life. @danielhowell you give people so much hope and so much proof that we queer people have better times ahead.

it is so daunting to have this thing that defines you that heterosexual/cisgender people just may not think about. it is something i think about every single day and i cannot escape it.

and for so long, i wanted nothing more than to run away from it.

dan, you taught me that i don't have to escape this part of me. i don't have to be scared of it. i don't have to be scared of myself.

i don't have to be ashamed of myself. do you know how life-changing that is? to be told it's okay to let go of your shame?

dan's video showed me how much shame i used to have in myself, being the first openly queer person in my group of friends, not hiding myself at school but being terrified of judgement...

i used to hate myself without knowing why. i just thought my differences made me bad. i didn't even understand what my differences were.

phil (hi @amazingphil) said in his coming out to you video how it's funny how once you come out you don't stop. i think i've gotten used to this idea but it's so weird that in today's world people will look at me and assume whatever they want and then make decisions for me based on those assumptions. that's the weird part about sexuality-- everyone thinks it's alright to get up in your business because you've got something 'different' going on. spoiler alert, being queer is extremely normal and not 'different' at all. thanks, society.

i really really admire phil for putting out his story and also thank you for reinforcing that it's okay to be private even as a public figure. that's a really important lesson.

anyway, those are some thoughts i had. thanks dan and phil for being amazing (lol) role models and raising me into my happy (ehhh) queer existentially terrified self.

#dan and phil #basically i'm gay #coming out to you #daniel howell #amazingphil #dan howell #danisnotonfire #dan #phil #dnp

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saltysaltines3 · 2 years

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my headcanons for every crk cookie

i honestly don't know why i'm doing this, or why i'm doing it on tumblr seeing as i never post here, but i had this idea and i'm doing it now so yay? only doing playable characters, though (with some exceptions). you will probably be able to tell which cookies i've fixated on LOL. writing these out i realised that i get very influenced by my own view of the crk universe as a broken, run down world with habitants who don’t remember what it used to be like or who they used to be. also, i haven’t gotten through world 11 yet, so my headcanons might not compleeetely comply with canon (or might BE canon lmao). anyways they're all below the cut, in alphabetical order :) NOT SPOILER FREE!

Adventurer Cookie:

Dislikes the mansion because it makes him feel trapped.

Regularly asks for Blackberry Cookie’s opinion on things, and then always does the complete opposite.

Affogato Cookie:

Loved gossip as a kid, which taught him a lot about social skills and psychology (more than he’d like to admit).

A big part of his dislike for Caramel Arrow Cookie stems from jealousy.

Alchemist Cookie:

Helped her brother discover that juice/wine works as a substitute for jam.

Chemically produces a ration of wine for him every month.

Worries about her brother a lot and dislikes that he drinks so often. Is researching other substitutes for jam.

Fends off vampire hunters, and in return her brother fends off alchemy-deniers.

Almond Cookie:

Would be really good friends with Espresso Cookie if they spoke more. They’ve met a few times through Latte Cookie, but not enough to have a full conversation. Ironically, both are too busy and burnt out to make time for making friends.

Never fails to show up to any of Latte Cookie or Cream Puff Cookie’s important life events, always completely on time.

Angel Cookie:

Secretly likes to creep people out.

Horror movie enjoyer.

Used to be best friends with Devil Cookie when both were angels, before Devil was corrupted. Still trusts them.

Avocado cookie:

Knits in her spare time.

Is really good with children because of her motherly/big sisterly vibe.

Beet Cookie:

Is very easily startled, but hides it.

Has a crush on Carrot Cookie.

Black Raisin Cookie:

Was lonely as a child, which led to her making friends with the crows.

Sometimes misses the days when ‘Healer Cookie’ and her could spend more time together.

Is very grateful to Pure Vanilla Cookie, often doing favors for him despite him telling her there is no need.

Blackberry Cookie:

Has trouble expressing her feelings.

Has been able to see ghosts from birth. Took the job at the mansion because there were so many ghosts residing there, and she wanted to help them.

Is distantly related to Onion Cookie and acts as her big sister.

Wants Onion Cookie to experience a happy childhood, which is why she has not told Onion that she’s a ghost.

Caramel Arrow Cookie:

Despite her hatred for Affogato Cookie, she considers him part of the Dark Cacao Kingdom. Believing there is still good in him, she would still protect him if the kingdom was attacked by outside forces.

Carrot Cookie:

Loves watching cooking shows.

Good friends with Herb Cookie.

Secretly admires Beet Cookie’s hunting skill.

Cherry Blossom Cookie:

Has prevented multiple murders related to her sister’s cherry bombs.

The older sister.

Thinks its extremely cute that Werewolf Cookie reacts to commands instinctively.

Knows what it’s like to be feared because of her sister’s past, and wants to help Werewolf not go through the same thing.

Cherry Cookie:

Knows a lot about making and storing food due to her sister’s love for picnics.

The younger sister.

Used to be feared by everyone before her and her sister moved to a new place.

Chili Pepper Cookie:

Took care of Custard Cookie III until Pure Vanilla Cookie was found. Now, she acts as his big sister, but isn’t his primary caretaker anymore.

Can’t tell if she has a crush on Rye Cookie or if she hates her.

Clotted Cream Cookie:

(Honestly I know next to nothing about him)

Probably extremely lonely + has really bad trust issues.

Clover Cookie:

Has obsessive tendencies.

Creeps people out by accident a lot.

Extremely close friends with Herb Cookie. They know almost everything about each other, have sleepovers regularly etc.

Has written a song about every one of his crushes, but never performs them out of fear of being creepy.

Has developed intense feelings for Herb Cookie and is terrified of them.

Cocoa Cookie:

Has an addictive personality.

Good friends with Cherry Blossom Cookie.

Brings hot cocoa everywhere, literally. Loves bringing it to Cherry Blossom’s picnics and letting other people try it.

Cotton Cookie:

Mourns Sherbet Cookie and still has a crush on him even though he’s gone.

Initially tried to earn enough money to cure Sherbet of his disease.

Has named all of her sheep and cares for them as pets.

Would make good friends with Red Velvet Cookie if they met.

Thinks that Snow Sugar Cookie reminds her of Sherbet Cookie, which sometimes unnerves her. Since they’re part of the same friend group, she has learned ro deal with it.

Cream Puff Cookie:

Gifted Kid 100%.

Doesn’t actually know what her goal as a wizard is.

Met Wizard Cookie after her graduation and became good friends with him.

Custard Cookie III:

Custard Cookie is his dad, but he didn’t have time to take care of his son as an elder in the Créme Republic council.

Pure Vanilla Cookie is his great-grandfather (or perhaps even more distant, but still his grandfather of some kind).

Doesn’t remember much from before he met Gingerbrave.

Was neglected when younger, which is where his wish to be a ruler (who gets paid attention to) stems from.

Hangs out with Pancake Cookie sometimes.

Dark Cacao Cookie:

Would 100% forgive his son if he returned and apologised in present day.

Was in love with Pure Vanilla Cookie back in their glory days, but these feelings have faded with time.

Dark Choco Cookie:

Cares deeply about the other followers of Dark Enchantress, even if they don’t care much about him.

Devil Cookie:

Has been spooked by Angel Cookie more times than they’d like to admit.

Absolutely despises actual horror of any kind.

They really want to successfully prank Angel Cookie, but Angel has never fallen for a single one. Devil doesn’t remember why, but the dynamic feels familiar.

Eclair Cookie:

Loves to visit thrift stores.

Scolds other cookies with bad posture, but only because he cares about their health.

Espresso Cookie:

Gets anxious around new people, especially those he finds pretty or interesting. Acts cold to hide it.

Wears drugstore makeup. Especially glittery lip gloss.

Latte Cookie’s twin brother.

Fig Cookie:

Music lover, appreciates all kinds of music.

Goes to all music performances possible, but would never dream of performing themselves due to stage fright.

Storytelling doesn’t feel like a performance to them; they’re just telling stories to whoever wants to listen.

Frost Queen Cookie:

Is horribly upset that she lost her memories, because if she’d known, she would’ve found her friend and told them what she knows now about the ‘disease’. When her memories returned, her friend was already dead.

Gingerbrave:

Regularly thinks about his brother, Dozer, who didn’t manage to escape from the oven.

Secretly empathises with Dark Enchantress Cookie.

Pretends to be happy, even when he’s not.

Gumball Cookie:

Has synesthesia of the olfactory/gustatory-visual kind, as well as the spatial-sequence kind. Doesn’t know that others don’t perceive things the same way as him.

Gets annoyed when things don’t match his vision.

Herb Cookie:

Mostly listens to heavy metal and classical music.

Very friendly and loving. Gives many hugs.

Emotionally repressed.

VERY talkative, but keeps the topic away from himself/his own problems. Asks a lot of questions and small talks while also being extremely good at knowing when to be silent and listen carefully.

Makes + sells his own tea and is an expert on what kind works when and with what meal/dessert.

Clover Cookie is the only person who can make him open up about his feelings (after some prying).

Has a long-time crush on Clover Cookie, but confuses it for platonic feelings and doesn’t want to accept that it could be romantic.

Easily hurt by mean customers. Luckily, he doesn’t get many.

Hollyberry Cookie:

Was heavily encouraged to stay inside, where she’d be safe, as a child.

Did not fit the royal, “proper”, lifestyle even though she tried when she was younger. Now has the ability to act, battle and explore as she pleases.

Knight Cookie:

Used to fancy Princess Cookie, but doesn’t anymore.

Was shown more kindness by the royal court (and Princess Cookie) than anyone else, which is why he joined.

Kumiho Cookie:

Wishes for friends who would like her just for being her, instead of followers that are in love with her due to her powers.

Acts flirty because it’s all she knows how to do and she’s scared of letting others in.

Struggles to learn cookie etiquette.

Sometimes loses control of her form when very excited or very relaxed, turning into her fox form by accident.

Misses her old spirit friends from time to time.

Feels extreme guilt whenever Pancake Cookie’s allergies flare up, but has vowed to watch over him anyway.

Latte Cookie:

Espresso Cookie’s twin sister.

Sometimes forces her brother to come with her to social gatherings so he gets a break from his research (and leaves his home for once).

It saddens her that Espresso locks himself away so much.

Became friends with Madeleine Cookie after he came to her for advice on how to get closer to Espresso.

Licorice Cookie:

Suffers from low self-esteem and self-image issues.

Cares a lot about Poison Mushroom Cookie.

Lilac Cookie:

Has the best sleep schedule out of all the characters.

Has toyed with the idea of being a ‘reverse assassin’, who when hired, informs the victim of the assassination attempt and protects them from future attempts.

Madeleine Cookie:

Gives really good hugs.

Feels extremely pressured to be the best all the time.

Has Impostor Syndrome.

Mala Sauce Cookie:

Knows how to play the drums.

Would be good friends with Tiger Lily Cookie if they ever met.

Mango Cookie:

Used to be an adrenaline junkie, primarily performing stunts like bungee jumping.

Distantly related to dragons.

Milk Cookie:

Has a celebrity crush on Dark Choco Cookie.

Becomes extremely defensive if anyone tries to tell him about Dark Choco’s affiliation with Dark Enchantress.

Is the only one who can handle Purple Yam Cookie’s temper.

Hates empty promises.

Mint Choco Cookie:

Is in love with Cocoa Cookie.

Feels that his performances/playing in general is dull when Cocoa isn’t listening.

Sometimes wishes he never picked up the violin, before beating himself up over having those kinds of thoughts.

In desparate need of a break from playing the violin.

Moon Rabbit Cookie:

Is actually a hungry spirit.

Often hangs out with Pancake Cookie.

Muscle Cookie:

Didn’t want to get into bodybuilding, but was forced to by his fitness-obsessed father.

Ninja Cookie:

Looks up to Lilac Cookie.

Onion Cookie:

Died because she got locked inside the tower while playing hide and seek.

The other children weren’t actually searching for her, they just told her they were going to play so they could be rid of her.

One of the kids was actually her friend, but was too afraid to go against the group. The whole group was horrified to find out that Onion had gone missing, and likely died, because of them.

The reason clocks go backwards near Onion is because her wish is to have a good, proper childhood, and she’s subconsciously trying to return to her time.

If she realises she is dead, she will pass on, because she will then know she cannot have an actual childhood seeing as she doesn’t age.

Pancake Cookie:

Has problems with eczema, which is a big reason he always wears a onesie.

Often plays with Kumiho Cookie (in her fox form) in spite of his allergies. Sometimes he’ll have purchased medicine for them, but he can’t always afford it.

Parfait Cookie:

After her debut, she slowly moved towards becoming a solo j-pop idol.

At some point, she took a break from her music career to avoid burnout. During this time, she went undercover to a bar and met Twizzly Gummy Cookie. They quickly became close friends, and Parfait found herself in a small friend group with cookies who all performed on the side.

Sometimes performs with Twizzly Gummy Cookie, Sea Fairy Cookie, and Mala Sauce Cookie. Twizzly Gummy on the bass, Sea Fairy as backing vocals + synth and Mala Sauce on the drums.

Pastry Cookie:

Watches anime (somewhat of a closet weeb), even if the Order doesn’t really allow it.

Lost all her memories of her past life when she was rebaked for the Order. Currently trying to find out more about her past after starting to doubt the Order’s teachings.

Poison Mushroom Cookie:

Doesn’t actually know Dark Enchantress’ goal.

Tries to cheer Licorice Cookie up when his struggles become apparent.

Pomegranate Cookie:

Had a celebrity crush on, and looked up to, White Lily Cookie when she was younger. She gave it up when her destiny was prophesied and instead fell in love with Dark Enchantress Cookie.

Her prophecy caused her to be ostracised from her community, making it very easy to join Dark Enchantress, who showed her kindness.

Later, when Dark Enchantress’ creation was revealed to her, she rekindled her old feelings and interpreted them as proof that she was destined to serve Dark Enchantress.

Princess Cookie:

Takes after her grandmother with her love for adventures.

Sometimes purposefully runs away from Knight Cookie when he becomes too smothering or overprotective.

Is often frustrated that Knight follows her around, watches over her like a hawk and puts her on a pedestal.

Goes looking for Tiger Lily Cookie every now and then, but hasn’t managed to speak to her.

Pumpkin Pie Cookie:

Spent a large portion of her life alone, as other cookies would flee from her due to her uncanny vibes.

Has supernatural properties due to the pumpkin she was made from being enchanted to grow without sunlight.

At a festival, she found Pompon, a seemingly normal inanimate doll. She took them with her everywhere, spoke to them, and genuinely treated them like her best friend. When Pompon saw how other cookies reacted to Pumpkin Pie, they were furious, and started intimidating others into giving Pumpkin Pie a chance.

Eventually found out about Pompon being alive. She was ecstatic to see it.

Pure Vanilla Cookie:

Cannot forgive himself for what happened to White Lily Cookie, and for the entire Dark Flour War. Sees himself as the catalyst for it all.

Appears perfect, almost divine, in his ruling. This, combined with his guilt, has caused him to have Impostor Syndrome, fearing that he will be revaled as imperfect, or that his part in the war will be found out. To combat this, he tries to be even more perfect, ultimately creating a downwards spiral.

Regularly volunteers at a locka cake hound rescue shelter.

Had a crush on White Lily back when they were students.

Is comforted by Dark Cacao Cookie when his guilt gets extra bad or when he’s filled with grief over White Lily. At some point, his grief dulled, which sent him into a guilt-episode.

Has a crush on Dark Cacao, which he realised after being comforted during said guilt-episode.

Purple Yam Cookie:

Wants to be friends with Strawberry Cookie.

Got the idea of using a sledge/club-like weapon from Strawberry.

Raspberry Cookie:

Hates cheaters more than anything.

While competitive, wouldn’t mind having a civil conversation with a rival over a cup of tea.

Hangs out with Cherry Cookie sometimes.

Red Velvet Cookie:

Feels like he should be thankful to Dark Enchantress Cookie for giving him his arm and taking him in, but can’t always bring himself to be.

Wanted to watch over Strawberry Crepe Cookie himself because he knew Dark Enchantress wasn’t suited to provide care (source: his own childhood). Dark Enchantress just brushed him off, like usual.

Sometimes doubts if Dark Enchantress’ plan is really the best way to achieve his own personal goal.

Like the rest of Dark Enchantress’ followers, he finds solace in his fellow servants of the Darkness.

Rye Cookie:

Chili Pepper’s opinion of her is mutual.

Has no volume control when speaking.

Has a celebrity crush on Parfait Cookie and is her #1 fan.

Sea Fairy Cookie:

(Basically canon already, but,) has a crush on Moonlight Cookie.

Sings to herself quite often, and has performed a few times as well when a backup singer was needed.

Turned Sorbet Shark Cookie into a cookie when they disappeared into the sea as a shark.

Washed Squid Ink Cookie onto shore after they reverted into cookie form, without their memories.

Generally took (and still takes) care of cookies she likes while they’re at sea.

Snow Sugar Cookie:

Is in a friend group with Cotton Cookie and Cocoa Cookie.

Distantly related to Frost Queen Cookie, or just Frost Cookie.

Frost Queen left the staff for them, despite Frost Queen not knowing why she was drawn to them at the time.

Sorbet Shark Cookie:

Made friends with Squid Ink Cookie a really long time ago, while they were still a regular shark.

They still sometimes talk to Squid Ink like they’re old friends, which Squid Ink appreciates even though they don’t remember Sorbet Shark Cookie.

Becomes very excited whenever they find other cookies who can stand to be submerged in water, as it means they can communicate with them through speech.

Sparkling Cookie:

Tries to play matchmaker sometimes. It’s a hit or miss kinda thing.

Always invites Vampire Cookie to his parties, no matter how fancy, because he livens up the mood.

Good friends with Herb Cookie, but doesn’t invite him to parties (or out in general) very often since he knows Herb doesn’t like crowds or attention.

Has worked with Mint Choco Cookie a lot, both as entertainment at his own parties and as the planner for Mint Choco’s venues.

Is extremely sick of maintaining his looks, doesn’t know how much longer he can go on doing it.

Squid Ink Cookie:

Was known as the Giant Squid of the Deep Sea until one particularly difficult attack, when they became too tired to maintain their giant squid form and took on their smaller cookie form.

As they don’t remember anything between forms, they don’t know how to transform back or that they have the ability to, even though they have enough energy to do so. They do it by accident when scared, but quickly revert back as the transformation was triggered by a temporary emotion.

Likes when other cookies speak to them and take an interest in them.

Strawberry Cookie:

Wishes Gingerbrave would open up to her, as she feels he’s hiding something.

Is very, very distantly related to Strawberry Crepe Cookie.

Strawberry Crepe Cookie:

Desperately wants someone to stick with them and not leave. They test everyone they meet for perseverance, and also subconsciously out of fear that everyone will leave them, so it’s better to drive people away before they can get attached, right?

Ran tests on Strawberry Cookie because they were hoping that Strawberry would feel a connection and stick with them, or that they would find similarities in their dough that would warrant such a reaction.

Tried to build a family (and a whole neighbourhood) out of wafflebots.

Has heard of Espresso Cookie and looks up to him a lot, but secretly.

Is often afraid deep down of being overpowered or killed when battling others.

Tea Knight Cookie:

Is close friends with Eclair Cookie. Their friendship started out with Eclair following him around, and Tea Knight Cookie begrudgingly letting him do so.

Tiger Lily Cookie:

Wants to talk to Princess Cookie for real, but is too scared of the potential danger in being found.

Has a really high EQ.

Ended up in the jungle because one of the royals wanted Princess Cookie to be the sole inheritor of the throne, and attempted to get Tiger Lily Cookie killed.

Twizzly Gummy Cookie:

Licorice Cookie’s sister in another dimension.

Constantly understimulated.

On days where her energy level is a bit lower, she practices playing electric guitar and singing. Sometimes she performs as well.

Has performed together with Mala Sauce Cookie in her own dimension.

Travels between her own dimension and ‘our’ dimension regularly when she isn’t adventuring.

After being defeated by Mala Sauce countless times, the two have become frenemies and Twizzly Gummy has started hanging out with her (and other cookies in the same dimension).

Vampire Cookie:

Is not doing well mentally.

Used to live in fear of the police due to his diet, before his sister made her discovery about wine.

Perpetually anxious, low on energy and motivation. After discovering wine could be used as a substitute for jam, he’s been using alchohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Worries that others won’t like him when he’s sober.

Thinks Herb Cookie is cute, but is certain he doesn’t have a shot.

Werewolf Cookie:

Can sense others’ intentions practically as soon as he meets them. Always checks and verifies new people in the background so that his friend group doesn’t fall for any tricks.

Is extremely protective of his close friends, Kumiho Cookie, Tiger Lily Cookie and Vampire Cookie.

Bickers with Vampire Cookie a lot, but in a friendly way.

Has more recently started becoming friends with more cookies (’The Best Spring Picnic Ever’ Event). Specifically Cherry Blossom Cookie, Custard Cookie III, Parfait Cookie and Rye Cookie. Seeing how they accepted him, he’s gained just a speck of hope that he won’t be ostracised for being a werewolf. He’s still worried that he’ll transform and hurt them, though.

Got a tiny crush on Cherry Blossom after she saw through him, included him and stood up for him. Enjoys her company, as much as he tells himself he doesn’t.

White Lily Cookie:

Wants to apologise to Pure Vanilla Cookie (primarily, but also their other friends and everyone else as well). Can’t because shes buried deep in Dark Enchantress’ mind.

Her dough contains a toxin from white lilies (madonna lilies, lilies of the valley).

One of her motivations for going through with her research/experiments, aside from curiousity, was that she wanted to be loved by everyone just like Pure Vanilla.

Was extremely lonely, even in her glory days. Her only friends were Pure Vanilla and his friend circle. This gave her a lot of time to study and experiment.

Does still exist, just as a part of Dark Enchantress. She doesn’t know how to gain control or reach out, though. She’s glad her echo could move freely for a bit, at least.

Wizard Cookie:

Is very happy to be in Gingerbrave’s friend group.

Has almost figured out the secret behind Dark Enchantress.

Looks up to White Lily.

Was pretty lonely before he met the Gingerbrave gang.

Having used to be lonely and a bit timid, he gets along well with Strawberry Cookie.

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