#his existence is very much 'keep her safe give her what she needs don't ask for anything you don't deserve it you're not worthy of love' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yesimwriting · 1 year

Note

Hi, I'm kind of picky of FF in general, smut especially, but your "Pulling away" is just beyond perfect. Do you maybe have time and the enthusiasm to write something like that again? Not sure what other characters you'd write for (out of your master list) but another Joel would be great anyway. Thank you for your work!

A/n ahh thank you!! the feedback i've gotten on "Pulling Away" has been unbelievable,, and i very rarely usually write smut without being prompted to lol, i feel like it's too obvious that i'm a virgin who has had very few sexual experiences, even less if you don't count the ones i didn't fully consent to,, but that's neither here nor there, i'm doing better now i promise :)

also ik my masterlist is super limited compared to who i actually write for lol,, updating it is my absolute enemy but i'm working on it 😭

also the build up in this fic is criminal!! that's my bad!

Summary: You, Ellie, and Joel have recently decided to permanently settle in Jackson. The promise of stability seems to lead to boundaries adjusting during a sleepless night after Joel appears in your bedroom.

smut warning, 18 plus !!

----

It's existed in him as undeniably and permanently as the lines etched into the slightly calloused skin of the back of his palm. Control is something that Joel Miller knows, something he clings to the same way he keeps a gun in his hand when he needs to.

Control is what keeps him from reacting when your arm moves too carelessly and your elbow manages to push against his ribs. The side that you know is more yellow-purple than the soft tan it should be. If you weren't lying next to him, you would have assumed that the shift of your arm had no affect on him. But you're pressed closer to him than you've ever been, so you can feel the shift despite his intentions. It's subtle. A pinch in his breathing and a brief wave of tension in his spine.

"Sorry," your blurt out is instinctual, and you're not sure if it might be making things worse. You've never been this close to him and it burns so much you can practically feel it melting the thin ice holding the two of you above water.

Burns in a good way. A way that you've only ever felt through brief flutters that have come up more and more recently. Lingering touches patching up injuries, reassuring squeezes of hands that are always brief and never mentioned, the press of Joel's knee against yours as you sat at that table in Jackson, overwhelmed by the presence of so many strangers.

And now this. You, Joel, and Ellie had been given a place to stay. You used to dream about your own bed. A safe roof over your head and a clean blanket keeping you warm. Finally getting it left you restless. Being away from Joel and Ellie felt unnatural even if they were in the same building as you. There are so many strangers here, and even though they have no reason to strike you down, it's still weird.

You couldn't help the obsessive thoughts. It felt oddly compulsive, the urge to wrap the two of them up in warm blankets and bubble wrap and just watch them be okay. It's weird, but what can you say, Ellie and Joel are your people.

And then Joel wandered in after some talk with his brother. It had surprised you, considering the way he had avoided you earlier, but you'd never complain about having him close.

You're still not sure how it happened. How Joel started asking you about how you were settling and telling you that Ellie was just fine. He had gone in to check up on her and then lingered until she fell asleep. The thought of that domestic moment made your heart swell and you found yourself relaxing.

Somehow Joel ended up taking some of your covers. There's a draft, it's winter. You forced yourself to not focus on that in any other context. Refused to give it any other meaning. And then he moved closer, eventually laid his head on your pillow. You almost convinced yourself it was just a way to be a little comfortable while keeping up conversation. But then the talk eventually faded and you had to move to let him fit and you ended up like this. Safe and fragile.

This stray from what's normal is okay tonight. Everything is still weird, you three like awkward, feral cats compared to the people of Jackson.

"You're fine," he breathes, voice rough with sleep.

His acceptance is easy but it does nothing to make you less aware of your position. You're more on top of him than you need to be and your mind is suddenly scrambling, trying to remember every injury you've ever seen him receive.

Untangling yourself from the gentle cocoon you've created is an ache in your chest, but the thought of hurting him is worse. You move your leg close to the edge of the bed and start the careful process of retracting your arm.

Joel shifts with a slight sigh, his own hand following your own. He snags your wrist, pulling you back into place. "You're fine." Joel repeats his earlier words, so half thought out and mumbled together you think they might even be sleep idled.

"Careful," you try, fighting against the blood rushing to your face. "I don't want to hurt you."

Joel's hand moves down your forearm with a slowness that almost feels deliberate. You have to press your lips together to keep from exhaling too sharply. He turns his head and even in the dark you can feel the focus of his gaze.

He swallows once, lips parting for a moment before he speaks, "Hurts more the other way." It's vulnerable and not, undercut by something that feels so factual you briefly have to think about whether or not that's physically possible. "It's good pressure."

Your eyebrows draw together at the realization that he's not entirely joking. The audacity. He's always referencing his age and the soreness that's going to have to catch him at one point or another but now there's not a single concern for his joints or potential hip damage. You've always had a feeling that at least a part of that rant has to be bullshit, or at least some kind of exaggeration.

You scoff but make no move to pull away as Joel settles. "I don't believe you." Normally you wouldn't state anything so transparently. Any flash of softness is glass and barely tangible. Trying to grasp it by speaking about in the open makes it vanish. Like waking too suddenly from an incomplete dream. But you don't feel at risk, something about the dark and the warmth and his hand on your forearm. "You're so full of shit--what happened to old man knees and arthritis and hip joint iss-"

"You're making up those last two."

There's silence for a brief moment and then laughter. A stupid burst of giggles that has you forgetting the little bit of normal left. Your forehead briefly falls down, your face pressing against his shoulder as you try to keep it down. He laughs with you after a second, a reluctant, almost annoyed display of amusement.

You're still recovering, breathing a little heavier than usual and coming back enough to realize that this level of closeness may be pushing it. You lift your head just as Joel's hand finds a place between your shoulders. First a fist and then his fingers patiently relaxing. You don't think you've ever been this still in your life.

"I can't keep track of all your old man ailments," it's a whisper that's more against his skin than not.

He lets out a breath, "You needed me to help you onto a horse today."

You halfheartedly glare even though you're too pressed into him for him to be able to see you. "I could do it by myself now." Likely a lie, considering it had only taken a second with Joel's help and the concept of casual horse riding still feels foreign. "I just hadn't ridden one before."

His hand shifts up your back, an unbelieving hum escaping him. Has Joel always been this warm? And somehow both so evidently sturdy but still comfortable? Safe? You don't know what possesses you, maybe it's the urge to not feel so divided from him in any way, but you turn head slightly to make it easier to speak: "You're not actually that old."

He pauses at that, fingertips freezing against the fabric of your pajama shirt. "Older than you."

You let out a sigh, feeling like there's a hint of something else tucked into his words that you're too tired to explore. "So?" He lets out another flat breath, a sound you don't quite understand but makes you want to compensate, "You can get old, though, when it's your time."

He shifts in a way that feels like a combination of stifling a laugh and a display of a touch of reluctant curiosity. "You givin' me permission?"

"Not like that," you shake your head against his arm, "I just--I don't know--I think it'd be good if you got to be old with arthritis and bad hip joints and whatever else happens. It'd mean you were still alive."

You don't realize what you're saying until the words slip out. The blankness of your statement is too honest and you blame the fact that you're actually starting to feel like you could benefit from the sleep you've been putting off. It's instinctual to turn into him in a vain attempt to get closer even though you're already hanging onto him in a way that feels ridiculous. Your fingers curl in to him a little more, clutching at the surprisingly soft fabric of his shirt.

It's a subtle change, but you're not surprised that Joel notices. You are, however, not expecting him to understand. The hand on your back draws up even further, pushing you against him more firmly. Maybe Joel did have a point. Good pressure.

"Don't go thinkin' about it."

For once, you want to listen to him without putting up a fight just to see that line between his forehead reappear. But you can't. It's not that easy. Even here, as safe as it's ever going to get, there's still a chance of loss. And even if the world was perfect and Joel could guarantee that there would never be a dangerous patrol or anything threatening him again, there are still other things that worry you. There's no reason for you all to stay together.

When your only response is to halfheartedly nod so that he can feel the motion, Joel lets out a partial sigh. The movement of his chest is more noticeable than the sound. His hand travels down the expanse of your back, something you only recognize because of the warmth his touch leaves in its wake. You're only half there until his fingers brush against a small expanse of exposed skin where your sleep shirt had ridden up. Nothing insanely suggestive, nothing that should be considered too intimate. It's likely an accident, too. It's too dark for it to be intentional.

Knowing this is not enough to keep your body from tensing. Joel's fingers move upwards with no warning, slipping between the only layer dividing you. The cotton of the T-shirt is trapping him and the heat of his touch as his hand settles on your hip.

"You here?" His question is low, like he's trying to compensate for the hint of worry leaching into his tone. "With me?" The second part of the question is an afterthought, said so quickly and earnestly it feels like an impulse.

You're melting, and you don't mind it all. In fact, you're starting to think you might prefer it. "For now, at least."

It's half joke, half something else. A punch that some cynical, over worrying part of your brain needs to throw. You hope he won't see past the shell of humor, but feel the uphill battle in his silence. In the eventual drag of his thumb across the curve of your hip. The gesture is a contradiction in itself--small and cautious yet so natural. What should feel foreign is so familiar it coats it all in a layer of intimacy that's difficult to just sit with.

An odd sense of almost panic that makes it impossible to think settles in you. Something in you feels like it's burning, a slow fire that's patiently spreading. You don't know if you want him closer or farther or something in between.

The mix of unknown emotions is enough to distract you from your derailing train of thought. Maybe that's the point. Some strategy on Joel's end to force a mental reset. If it is, it's working. You wouldn't say you're breathing any better or more calmly, you're just more aware of the way air enters your lungs and filters right back out. The world seems to be reduced to that. Just your breathing. And Joel.

The little of him you can make out in the dark and the feel of him everywhere without him feeling close enough. He's steady, secure in his firmness like he's some immovable force. Joel is also starting to feel like a natural heater, radiating just enough warmth to make everything comfortable.

What is wrong with you today? These thoughts might be more dangerous than the other ones. They're definitely close to being more overwhelming. All of this has to be in your head, the result of all the feelings you've been attempting quell all day culminating and a touch of something else. The thoughts about Joel that you've been fighting against since you first met him finally winning.

Every time you've forced yourself to stare at your hands after the edge of Joel's shirt rode up as he reached for something or moved a certain way. Every stray thought that rooted itself in your mind like an invasive species while you patched him up after a rough day. Every painfully overwhelming moment where you let yourself get distracted by his hands for reasons you could never justify. Those same hands are on you right now.

Okay--you need to get it together. Stop playing at something that's definitely all in your head. Your eyes drift up, searching for Joel's expression in an attempt to convince yourself to be normal. To remind yourself what's at risk if you don't get what you've been begging yourself not to let be actual romantic feelings in check.

He's already looking at you, eyes focused and jaw so tense you can tell from your position. Joel presses his lips together. The hand that's on you shifts upwards. Nothing drastic, but the heat of his pinky is now melting into the skin above your ribs.

You have to bite your tongue to keep from letting a shaky breath escape you. It's too much and nowhere near enough. It's another contradiction that throws you through a loop. You need him closer and the desire twists at you even further. There's a level of hesitant care in all levels of him. In his touch, in the way he's watching you. Like he just can't help it.

It's so overwhelming you have to do something. So you do the only thing you can think of. You reach out to him. Your hand finds his upper forearm.

The motion seems to shift things. Joel lets out a breath, but it's not the easygoing sound it was earlier. It's strained. "Y'should get some sleep."

You're not all that tired anymore, but his tone and your own confusion makes you want to listen. At least he hasn't done anything to imply that he's leaving.

A part of you wants to leave it at what it is. There's no reason to risk his presence by pushing. You don't know what that last moment was about, but Joel's earlier gruffness from today seems to be coming back. "You okay?" The question feels awkward hanging there on its own. "You've been moody."

The hand still under your shirt adjusts with him. "Moody?"

"Mhm." His fingers ghost up your spine, making it twice as hard to organize your thoughts. "More earlier than now, when..." God, you can barely remember with the way he's tracing patterns onto your skin. "When we were with that group?"

Joel's lips briefly pull into a frown. "I know that Jackson people are a little different than us, but trusting them all so soon--" He cuts himself off briefly. "Just don't think it's a good idea for you to accept it all so--"

He pauses as you shift against him as you move to sit up. Joel watches the separation with sharp caution. He doesn't ease until you settle again, your chin resting against his stomach. "Seriously?" It's a lighthearted enough disagreement. "I'm not overly trusting anything. I feel like a crazy person half the time because I feel like I should be staring down anyone that talks to Ellie or you for a second too long."

The confession eases Joel much more than it should. It's proof that he's been searching for...proof that he's needed. That you're still here. Still his and Ellie's above anything else.

But it's been an unsure couple of days. You're good with people, likable in a natural way. You know how to make people feel easy. It's not your fault that you're the natural communicator in the trio, and it's a good thing that at least one of you is inclined towards that sort of thing. It's just been harder than he thought, to watch people always talk to you, even if it's just a way of communicating something to all three of you. Especially when you smile or laugh as another way to ease them.

It's even worse when it happens to be other men. You don't see it, the way their eyes linger or their tendency to lean in just a little too close. Don't know the way your polite smiles and words draw them in. There isn't exactly a plethora of new women appearing daily, so your novelty is only an amplifier to all your good traits.

Tommy's been giving him shit about it. How long did you have to close the deal on that when you were her only option?

It was an almost brotherly form of teasing, but it still rubbed Joel the wrong way because of how true it is. He can't justify the bitter, protective vile that leaves his chest feeling too tight when he sees how well you fit. How easy it'd be for you to end up with one of the guys from here, closer to your age and a lifetime less of baggage.

Joel hates the breathlessness of it, hates that he has time to think about these kinds of things now. The resentment is too much, bubbles up and comes out in the form of something mean, "Doesn't always look that way."

It's not an overly done insult, and somehow that's worth. Joel's faint accusation is personal and it lands the way he knew it would. You sit up so quickly, Joel can't even try to stop you. "What the fuck does that mean?"

The bed is small, clearly meant for one. Sitting up didn't exactly accomplish what Joel has to assume was your goal--to create distance. You're still tangled together, only it's different now. You're practically sitting on his lap. His mind, which should be focusing on the fact that he's upset you, that he's pushing you in the exact direction he doesn't want you to go in, can only think of your sleep shorts.

Maria promised to get you some pajama pants as soon as some came in, but that hasn't happened yet. Winter makes clothing a little scarce, so you've been managing in a pair of elastic shorts. Thin, elastic shorts.

"Just that it looks like you've been getting comfortable. Trusting others, spending time with Ben."

Your lips pull into a firm pout. "I'm not going out of my way to trust shit. Yeah, I talk to a lot of people, but that's just because I rather that than have them talk to you or Ellie first. It--it feels safer that way."

There's such a genuineness in that, Joel almost feels bad, almost feels the need to back step. But your indignation at the implication that you're trying to leave is too alleviating. Until you try to crawl towards the edge of the bed. Away from him.

Joel props himself up on his elbow and reaches for you. His hand finding your forearm feels like giving something up. A silent, too raw plea for you not to go. He knows it isn't quite that in so many words, but you understand. You always do in your talent for feeling the way he bends for you when he can.

For a moment, that's it. Just his hand on your arm, still perched on the edge of the bed, still flighty. One move and you might be gone. It'd be so easy.

Joel's never really considered himself a pissing on his territory type of person or one to be found of dependents, but he'd be lying if he didn't say Jackson didn't worry him. He's not an idiot, he knows he's been rough to travel with and that he's taken time to get to here, but you've always stayed close. Some of that must have been influenced by survival.

Not that Joel wants you to stick around because you have no other choice. He'd never use that against you, it's just something that he wonders about from time to time. A fear that this might be how he finds out that's the only reason the two of you have been together for so long.

He's been thinking about loss more lately. After the decision he made, after what almost happened to Ellie. Losing Sarah left him stagnant for 20 years and some days that grief still flares up and makes breathing feel impossible. It's a wound that will never fully heal, and maybe that's for the best. Hurt means not forgetting, but Joel knows he doesn't have anymore of that left in him.

What if he did just fuck everything up? Not just for him, but for Ellie as well. He sees the way she looks at you, like you're everything. He's peered into your mornings together, the world that is your little routine and your inside jokes. If he messed all of that up because he only knows how to be an asshole when any type of feeling comes up...

Joel knows action better than he knows words. Caring is easier an action, and so is apology. His hand releases your forearm, trailing down your arm and settling on your exposed thigh. When you don't push him away or try to move, Joel feels like he can fully inhale again.

"You know my priorities, right?" Your voice sounds more hesitant than before. Nervous. "It's you and Ellie. It's been you and Ellie and nothing's going to change that. It doesn't matter if we're here for two more days or two more decades."

A pinch of guilt rises in his chest. Normally that level of promise would make him feel the need to cut all ties. Safer that way. But Joel doesn't want to hold you at arm's length, not right now. Carefully, his hand moves forward, closer to your inner thigh than knee.

He should say something. Admit to his own insecurity or apologize. "I know," is all that comes out, even though it doesn't really matter, you have every right to walk away. Your eyes still soften, though, like he managed to come close to saying what you needed to hear. "I shouldn't have said that."

His hand moves up even further and this time you have to react, your breath catching itself on your throat. The noise fucking gets to him. Gets to him in a way nothing has in a minute.

"You're kind of an asshole, sometimes," it's breathed out in a way that feels like you're accepting his apology, "And it's only going to get worse as you settle into your old age."

There it is. The joke was forced through the uneven timbre of your breathing, but it's there. All you, all forgiveness in the way the corner of your mouth turns upwards.

Joel's thumb drags across the soft skin of your inner thigh, "So now I'm already there?"

You blink, unsure on how to react to anything with his hand tenderly working the skin of your inner thigh. Everything in you is only capable of focusing on the feeling, of chasing it. "Getting there." Joel's thumb and pointer finger briefly pinch at your skin in a way that has to be intentional, right? His touch is approaching the end of your shorts.

The closer he gets, the worse the distance feels. Your face feels like it's burning at the thought. This is Joel, not some random guy that things could be casual with. Or maybe he could be casual, but you--god, you're getting ahead of yourself. This isn't--it--

"Too old?" Joel stretches forward, sitting up a little more. "You lookin' for younger like Ben?"

There's something odd in his tone. A flat attempt at humor that misses because it's too straightforward. Ben. Again. This is the second time his name's come up tonight. Why? And that's not even the strangest part. His assumption is what sticks out the most.

"I'm not..." Fuck, his hands are killing you. "I'm not looking. Not actively and if I..." Okay, it's officially too much, he's turning you into a transparent puddle. His hand pauses and pulls back down, settling on your knee. Firmly. Unbudging in a silent demand to continue.

He traces circles onto your knee with his thumb. "You can say it," he encourages in a way that feels like he's patronizing you.

The words feel like too much. Some lines might have been crossed today, but nothing life changing. You two could still dismiss the whole thing, crawl beneath thin sheets, fall asleep, and wake up the next morning like nothing ever happened. But his hands on your thigh and the needy ache you're not sure you fully understand it left you with. And what it felt like to have him closer.

Joel's sitting up fully now, waiting. "If I was looking, it wouldn't be at Ben, it'd be..." His hand calmly trails back to its previous spot on your leg with each of your words. Fuck, you're struggling to think again. "At you."

At that, his fingers push upwards, touching directly between your legs. "Really?" He's quick to create a steady rhythm, pulsing his pointer and middle finger at a speed that makes it impossible to breath. Your eyes screw shut so tightly you see stars. "You're so wet, can feel it through those shorts of yours."

The way Joel's voice catches on itself makes a weak sound slip out. You'd be embarrassed by it if he gave you the chance to be, but before you can even think twice about it, Joel's free hand finds the back of his head. His fingers tangle into your hair and he pulls you forward so harshly you try to gasp. The sound doesn't make it out, Joel's mouth is on yours before it has a chance.

He holds you against him as he takes his time pulling on your bottom lip with his teeth and letting his tongue glide over the bites. Your mouth opens for him instinctually, asking for more.

Joel's taking his time and moving at a speed that has him everywhere all at once as his fingers continue to work you through the fabric that divides you. He releases you with no warning, the hand at the back of your head finding a new place right beneath your chin. His fingers pause, forcing out an instinctual whine.

He's panting near your ear in a way that makes you miss his touch even more. "So this is all for me, sweetheart?" His eyes flit from your face back down to your lips.

Even though the question is dripping with roughness, there still manages to be a hint of something else there. Something genuine. It doesn't matter, though, because all you have the willpower to do is nod. Joel turns his head, pressing a kiss to your temple that's so close to tender it leaves you spinning. He trails the barely there kisses down to your ear before whispering, "Then prove it."

The word's send a jolt through you. "Prove it?"

Joel tugs you closer, you listen clambering back to where you were before trying to leave. Joel rests his back against the wall and makes a point of extending one leg. You don't fully get it until he's helping you ease onto his thigh. The material of his sweats is nowhere near enough.

"Joel--"

"Sh," he hums, soothingly as he runs a hand up and down your back, "It's okay, sweetheart." The hand that's still on your hip squeezes firmly. "I've got you, y'know that." He helps pull you forward on his thigh and the pressure after so long without nothing hits you harder than you thought it would. "There you go," you push down harder, faster, "Just like that."

The longer you go, the more Joel encourages you, whispering sweet nothings and words of encouragement as the knot in your stomach continues to grow until your body feels it. You're seizing up, body ready to throw itself off of a ledge. Your thigh squeezes around his leg, which must be how Joel knows you're close, because before you can find release, his hand is leaving your back and moving onto your arm. In one, fluid motion that should be impossible, he flips you two.

Your back is on the mattress and Joel's above you, pinning you in place with his body. You can feel him, all of him, hard and struggling between the layers that divide you.

Your lips part, but you don't know what to say. You're still reeling from your stolen orgasm, and you're not sure if you want to curse him out for it or simply ask why and how. Bad back your ass the way he just turned the two of you over with no real effort.

Before a single sound can come out of you, Joel folds the edge of the T-shirt you sleep in, exposing your stomach. A fluttery kiss to newly exposed skin. Again and again until he has to push up even more of your shirt to continue. "This," his voice comes out lower, harder as he tugs at the fabric, "Off."

You sit up just enough to help him tug the shirt off as quickly as possible. The desperation makes it harder than it ever should be to take off a shirt, but the offensive piece of fabric eventually finds its way to the floor.

The bareness you feel is startling, even in this level of darkness. Joel doesn't give you a chance to let your mind wander or insecurity take root. His mouth is exploring the newly exposed skin immediately. It's a rabid mix of love bites and placating the irritated marks with soft passes of his tongue and genuine, devoted kisses.

It's then that you realize there's a reason he's taking his time. He's definitely hard, you can feel him pressing against your thigh, but that doesn't matter to him. He's taking his time because he can. Because he's enjoying it, getting off on having you writhing and desperate under him.

"Joel," your voice is so small it feels like it belongs to someone else.

He pauses, lifting his head just enough that the scruff of his facial hair scratches comfortingly against your skin. A reminder that he's still him. "Yeah, sweetheart?"

You carefully lift a hand, making sure your movements are easy to follow in the dark. Joel lets your fingers settle in his hair. "Need more-need you."

"I know, sweetheart." His voice is low and soft, impossible to not trust. "You can wait a little longer." His teeth drag against your skin again. "Can't you, baby?"

Fuck, he could ask you anything like that and you'd have to say yes. "Mm."

He takes it as the answer it's supposed to be. Joel goes back to it until his fingers finally snag around the elastic band of your shorts. In one swift motion, he tugs it and your underwear away, leaving you fully exposed. He gives no warning before moving his mouth to your thighs, slowly moving up until the only thing left is your center.

With no warning, Joel licks through your folds. You practically cry out. "I know, sweetheart," he mumbles, barely looking up, "You can take it."

After that, he picks up the pace. Just as you think you're going to get used to the overwhelming pleasure, Joel moves his hand down your waist to use his thumb against your clit. Fuck. You're panting, whining, begging.

Joel groans. "You're close, I can feel you." His fingers replace his mouth, "You gonna come?" Another whine, like your body has forgotten how to make any other sound. "Yeah?" He's picking up the pace, pushing his fingers into you in a way that hits you somewhere deep. "Come on my fingers, sweetheart, I've got you."

His pace reaches its peak and his thumb works at your clit until you're finally pushed over the edge. Joel reaches you before you can scream, muffling the sound of your orgasm by pressing his lips to yours.

You can taste yourself on his tongue as he works you through your high. Joel knows when to stop, when the pleasure comes close to bordering on painful, he moves his hand back up your waist and focuses on just kissing you.

After a few minutes, you regain control of your thoughts. The urge to pull him closer takes over once again. Without thinking, you're tugging at the hem of his shirt. You almost think twice about it, but decide that it's only fair. He's touched so much of you and seen even more. All while fully clothed.

You're not as good or tactful about it as he is, likely due to the gap in your experience, but Joel picks up on what you want. He pulls away cautiously, eyebrows furrowing together like he's debating before finally giving in.

He discards his shirt just as carelessly as he got rid of his own. Joel tries to reconnect the two of you together again before you can take full note of him. It's a tactic you find the strength to beat, turning your head just enough to indicate that you're pausing.

Joel allows that, stills against with no protest. The silent promise that it's your pace is comforting. You let your eyes rake over his chest in what you hope is subtle, but really doubt actually comes off that way. You can feel him tense under your gaze. You stretch out a hand carefully, touching him because you can. Your attention focuses on the details that you can make out despite the limited light. A few marks of varying sizes are visible across his skin.

Scars. You wonder how many of them there are and the stories behind each. What it'd feel like to touch and learn each of them until they're as familiar as the lines of your palms. Your hand drifts down, faintly touching a particularly long mark.

Joel's hand moves, catching your wrist before you can make it any further. You frown up at him. "I want--"

"I--" He cuts himself off, unsure on how to explain it. You deserve to know what a war it will be to get him to open up, but he doesn't want that to change things. "Not yet, okay?" He squeezes your hand in his. "I'm not an easy person to care about, to get close to, but I--I can try to--"

"I disagree." He frowns at being cut off, but lets you continue. "And you don't have to worry about forcing anything right now, whatever you have to give, that's what I want."

That's all it takes. Joel crashes his mouth to yours, holding you there for much longer than before. He shifts away just enough to be able to pull down his pants. He strokes himself briefly before lining himself up with your entrance.

Joel enters you with no warning, easing himself in until your hips are pressed together. You're a mess despite his soothing words. He pulls back and pushes back, again and again until all you're seeing is white, blinding pleasure. "Fuck!"

"You're squeezin' me so good, sweetheart," his groans are hot and heavy against the shell of your ear. "Oh, sweetheart," he's losing his tact, his movements becoming more and more desperate. "You gonna come with me?"

You nod, eyes screwing shut as Joel picks up the pace until you're a mess again. He clamps a hand over your mouth as your second orgasm hits you fast and hard. It takes all of Joel's strength to pull out before finishing.

He lets himself relax against you after, a mess of sweaty limbs as you both recover. After a minute, Joel sits up. "You leaving?"

Joel brushes back your hair out of your face gently. "No, sweetheart, just need to get something to clean you up, okay?" You're about to protest again, but Joel beats you to it, "You don't want to sleep like this." When your only reaction is to pout up to him and cling to his arm, Joel leans down and finds a shirt to offer you. "Ellie's an early riser that never learned how to knock. You want to deal with this in the morning while pretending you're not?"

That's a point that sticks. You could probably explain Joel being in here early in the morning or he could climb out of your bed at first sunlight to keep this from being weird for Ellie...but your current state? Yeah, that's undeniable. "Come back?"

Joel squeezes your hand, taking a moment to watch your small expression fondly. "Promise."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #the last of us fanfic #the last of us x reader #the last of us #tlou x reader #joel miller x reader smut #pedro pascal x reader smut #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller smut

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im-totally-not-an-alien-2 · 2 years

Text

Halloween prompts no. 14

Danny gets thrown into the Blue Exorcist universe, saw how Rin was being treated and straight up kidnapped him when no one was looking and took him to another dimension/reality/whatever to keep him safe.

Rin, as you can imagine, doesn't take kindly to being kidnapped and tries to roast Phantom. The fact neither understands the others language did not help. Danny, taking a gamble, dropped his phantom form and raised his hands in surrender.

Rinse eyebrow twitched and he asked wtf he thought he was doing. Danny got an idea and raised a finger ask if asking one moment please before bringing out his phone and typing into Google Translate.

Things go better after that, Rins still kinda mad and demanded to be taken home but Danny refused, saying he wasn't going to send him back to a place that would treat him like that! The fight escalated until Danny confessed he died because people ignored the abuse and neglect from his home situation and he terrified Rin will face a similar fate. This finally took the wind out of Rins sails. Rin comforts Danny who may or may not be crying.

This is when the local heros show up because it turns out they landed in the dc universe. They realize they've pretty much melted part of the city they were in during thier fight and scram before anyone can get a good look at them. They're branded as mysterious villains almost immediately.

Danny and Rin take to stealing in order to survive and start teaching eachother thier language so they don't have to keep relying of the translation app. (Also they can't reliably recharge the phone) They're bonding and building up eachothers self esteem. Rin enjoys having someone who let's him protect them as a big brother should and Danny enjoys feeling safe and protected for once in his afterlife. They both start wearing masks and start stealing bigger marks as supervillians in order to survive.

The Justice League Dark is absolutely freaking out because why is a Gahena demon and some kind of Lazarus Pit child working together?? Demons from Gahena never come here cause they shouldn't even be able to and they had no idea Pit People even existed up until now. And why are they stealing such strange things? The bank robberies they understood but the baby food incident? (They stole a bunch of baby food to help the homeless and low income population) The lab thiefts? (Danny recognized the type of machine they were making was designed to be a portal when the press conference about it said nothing about portals. So he stole it and destroyed it cause it was sus.) The JLD knew they were missing something.

Batman himself eventually tracks them down and finds out

1. They are 14 and 15 year olds.

2. Both are traumatized

3. Black hair blue eyes

4. Both have supernatural abilities they can't fully control

5. Both are very sweet and are being more vigilante than villain

Bruce has already mentally signed the adoption papers.

Unfortunately, Danny has bad memories of another billionaire who kept trying to adopt him and is avoiding both him both as Batman and as Bruce Wayne. The boys run in to Harley Quinn and she figured out these kids needed help. She aids in thier language endeavors and if the only reason she knows Japanese as well as she does is from her binging anime for a few months during a quarantine caused by Scarecrow then thats her business.

Anyway, she gives them not-therapy since she can't ethically give them therapy therapy and in exchange they pay her with cash they stole. Neato. Rin eventually gets onto an ADHD medication that suits him and he's doing so much better. He uses a lot of the coping skills aunt harley taught him and its like hes a totally different person. Granted Rin has to take an ungodly high dose for it to work due to his demonic heritage but they make due. They already rob banks, whats a few pharmaceutical companies?

Ivy and Harley pseudo adopt Rin and Danny and sometimes the boys would just come over to Gotham to hang out or play with the pets. Rin loves cooking and has taken over the kitchen in his and dannys safe houses. He does most of the cooking and keeps the kitchen spotless. Danny does the laundry and dusting and they share most other chores. Rins used to having Yukio sleeping in the same room as him so sometimes he sneaks into Dannys room in the middle of the night to sleep on the floor.

Danny keeps waking up and moving him to the bed. Neither say anything about it and Rin assumes he slept walked into the bed and flees before Danny can be woken up and weirded out. Miscommunication! Yay!

Meanwhile the birdie brigade are on thier tails and watching/spying on them every chance they get. They're already making preparations in the manor for two more people.

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wyrmswears · 14 days

Note

Hiii!

I know the au ain’t about Jay, but does he have an animal form? How did Edd & Eddna found him or he does not exist?

I do apologize for the amount of questions not being libber related😞

Pd. I also love wolf children i imagine Libby just recreating the feral Yuki scene right?

Hellooooo!! Had to think about this for a bit; I really didn't give Jay too much mind when making this AU lol. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed getting to flesh out this AU further using your questions so thank you so much for asking! :D I made the AU for Libber and Ice but it's always fun to expand on other characters and how the changes the AU makes affects them.

This post turned out longer than I expected (oops. I love infodumping about my AUs, sorry lol) so the answers in their entirety are under the cut! Spoilers for Prime Empire and Dragons Rising (though nothing particularly about s2) are mentioned though.

The short answers are: Jay is still adopted, Libber left him at the Walkers' doorstep before dying. And yes, Jay has a wolf form like Libber does, but he can't access it until after the Merge.

The long answers:

The second question is easy - the comic on my other post initially had a third page that would've answered this but I found it difficult to get to flow well so I scrapped it. When the Walkers arrive home after coming across Libber, they find Jay on their doorstep. The idea is that she had left him at a safe place as a final act before succumbing to whatever killed her. (Much like in Wolf Children, I don't have a particular cause of death thought out.) Ed and Edna don't make the connection between the child on their doorstep and the wolf on the highway of course, because why would they?

As for whether Jay has an animal form... On one hand I find it very amusing when characters of non-human heritage turn out to be just normal humans, and Cliff Gordon is still completely human in this AU, but I also think it'd be boring to ignore his heritage completely for the sake of the bit. After mulling it over I've come up with this:

Jay grows up showing quirks that align with him being half raijū, but nothing that can't be explained by him being the elemental master of lightning or just a peculiar (and probably neurodivergent) child; these are things like a fascination of thunderstorms, abnormal resistance towards electrical shocks, hyperactivity, a tendency to chew on things...

He has no idea that his biological mother wasn't human until after the events of Prime Empire when Wu, now aware that Jay knows he's adopted as he used it to reason with Unagami, requests to speak to Jay privately. He explains that, if Jay has an animal form then he shouldn't feel like he has to hide it from the team as he is sure that they'd accept him, much like Libber's teammates accepted her. This is sweet and all, but Jay is very confused what he means about having an animal form. And thus begins the explanation of who or what exactly Libber was.

After learning that he isn't completely human, Jay isn't really upset - hell, Zane and Lloyd have both dealt with the same thing and it turned out fine - but he only talks about it with Nya. This is part of my general characterisation of Jay where I feel like he doesn't keep too many deliberate secrets, but does only mention certain things about himself on a need-to-know basis meaning that, while he doesn't care if the team knows he's adopted, only Nya, Zane, and Pixal know that he is (Zane and Pixal for being present at the end of Prime Empire). Nya 'needs to know' because she is his yang thank you very much. Nya helps him to research about raijū and they find out that they can come in a variety of forms. Jay thinks he'd look like a noble and mighty creature, maybe a lion or an eagle. Nya thinks he'd be a chihuahua.

Nonetheless, that seems to be the extent of it; Jay doesn't figure out if he has an animal form or how to use it, and all that's changed is that Nya has become a lot more aware of her yin's oddities. That is, until Dragons Rising.

I think after the Merge, Jay has no issues with accessing his animal form: much like his mother, he's a wolf-like canid. If you told him, he'd probably never believe that he had spent the first 20-or-so years of his life with no clue to his heritage and no abilities related to it when his natural state of self after getting amnesia is to flux between forms. Maybe it developed as one of the strange effects of the Merge, or maybe its a new ability as a result of his environment, much akin to Cole's rock golem. Nonetheless, it serves as a message to Nya that this isn't the same Jay she knew before the Merge. He flaunts his heritage to the team that he never told and has changed, both physically and as a person, without her there to see.

As for the P.S, I'm not entirely sure what scene you are talking about - there's quite a few where I imagine Yuki could be described as feral lol - but Libber is overall quite alike to Yuki in my mind, particularly when she is younger and less concerned with hiding her wolf side.

#maybe ill draw jays raijū form at some point too hm #ninjago #ninjago au #lego ninjago #ninjago jay #jay walker #ninjago libber #libber gordon #ninjago spoilers #? i dont know if we are still counting the fact that jay has amnesia as a spoiler or not. i feel like everyone knows by now #ok time to come up with an au tag because uhh i do that when i make more than one post for an au #inhuman thundersnow au #thundersnow will now be the duo name for ice and libber youre welcome #wyrm answers #wyrm rambles #btw idk if anyone reads my tags but art will be slower for a couple months because i have my big scary important exams upcoming #i will happily answers asks though :]

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spider-jaysart · 3 months

Note

Hi!! Can I ask Damian (and maybe Dick 🙏?) for the character ask game?

Thank you, take care <3

@zephyrwrites2

Damian

Favorite thing about them: I just love his whole personality loll. He's a crazy, funny little guy that I think is really cool

Least favorite thing about them: Nothing. Only when he gets really mischaracterized by official writers who don't understand him, which happens A LOT

Favorite line: "Father, I imagined you taller."

Brotp: Damian and Jon

Otp: Damijon

Notp: Batcest, any of them that have adults paired up with him, including the canon ones Mar'i x Damian, Cassie x Damian, and Cassandra x Damian

Random headcanon: He can do ballet and it's because it's something Talia taught him while he was growing up in the league and being trained to learn many other things. He's a skilled professional at it now because of this and also bonds with his sister Cass over it and will sometimes even join her in her dancing. He also tries teaching Jon too, which can become fun for them both, and his other friends sometimes as well whenever they get curious or don't actually understand it that much like they think they do. Damian also owns a pair of green ballet slippers, but usually keeps them put away in his closet to keep them safe and clean and only takes them out when he really does want to use them.

Unpopular opinion: Okay sooo, a lot of people believe that Talia's character just gets only more ruined because of Damian's existence or whatever, but I don't believe that at all. Damian may be her son and is big part of her life because of it, but his character itself has nothing to do with hers like that at all when it comes to hateful writers choosing to write her horribly and just as another evil, lunatic villain and whatever else. Some people even say that he stole her story, but he did grow up with her during those 10 years of his, so of course he's gonna have the same life she dealt with and is also gonna have to get through certain issues from it now too because of it. But the point is that if anyone's gonna get blamed for Talia's usual trash characterisation, it should be the writers who hate her, NOT Damian who has many writers of his own who don't even treat him that well or like him that much at all either just like with Talia. Trying to pick on him is never going to fix anything about her. If Talia's ever gonna get anything better that she deserves in comics and other things, it needs to be done by writers who actually have care about her character and don't have anything weird against her that just only causes bad intentions of messing her up and then THAT'S what will finally start doing justice for her. And this not meant as an argument towards anyone or whatever btw, this is just me stating my opinion and beliefs about the whole thing

Song I associate with them: Self love by Metro Boomin & Coi Leray (Mostly because even though Damian may always put on a very confident act and always seems so prideful of himself a lot of the times, he actually has a lot of insecurities underneath all of that and doesn't actually always think so great of himself as a person)

Favorite picture of them: Definitely this very beautiful panel of him ofc💖

I just LOVE the way Gleb Melinkov draws him and gives him his Arab features without holding any of it back as well! He even gives him long lashes (longer than Flatline's even, which I noticed while looking at another panel from this series!), which I really love too!!

Dick

Favorite thing about them: I really always liked his leadership style, especially in the Teen Titans 2003 cartoon, which I grew up with

Least favorite thing about them: Only when he's potrayed as a dumb, clumsy guy in some canon stories just to lift up other characters and put them in a bigger spotlight instead. It makes no sense because he's a professional acrobat and always has been that way since he was a little kid, so how could he ever be so trippy all over the place as if there are invisible banana peels getting in the way everytime?! And he is very smart, especially with all of the important experience he has from his many years of hero work, so he's not dumb either and if he was, he wouldn't have made it so far with this kind of life because of it or ever get much done like he did because he has to overly depend on others knowledge

Favorite line: "Titans Go!"

Brotp: Dick and Starfire, Beast boy, Raven, Cyborg (I know he's friends with many others too, but this is the group I grew up with and am more attached to, so they're my fave to see together)

Otp: Dickkory because they bring the best out in eachother and have so much love for one another too

Notp: DickBabs because I just don't think they really fit that well together at all and most times Barbara just makes Dick feel bad in a lot of ways with how she usually treats him in a romantic relationship, and that's not a healthy thing to deal with at all. And then there's also Batcest and Slade x Dick (which I don't even get at all because Slade is just such a horrible, gross and very toxic guy)

Random headcanon: Years ago, back when he would used to have long hair still, he one time had it tied up in a ponytail and then a villain chopped it off in half while fighting him. Dick was pissed and really kicked their butt for doing that

Unpopular opinion: People always think of Dick as the positive, sunshine guy and then there are the ones who get very mad about it and say that he's actually the angry, tough guy because him being super friendly and happy is just too "ooc". I don't listen to any of that stuff, because I believe that he's actually both. He IS a friendly guy with a warm, charming, humorous attitude that easily attracts others, and is very much an inspiration to many because of his positive, sunshine vibes as a great, hardworking hero, but none of it makes him dumb, weak or gullible, because he IS also the type who can become very serious and gets mad when he needs to be, also doesn't actually take bull from anyone, can be chaotic and crazy, works a LOT, is independent, does have a lot of intelligence and especially experience that should never be forgotten about just because he's nice, and also definitely has the determined mind to take care of things and get them done even though others will sometimes try to tell him what to do, but he doesn't actually listen because he's not the type to easily be controlled that way like a puppy would be and if he believes it's something that needs the attention and it's what should be done and no one else is doing it, then he will do it

Song I associate with them: Annihilate by Metro Bommin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne & Offset (because it's about being fearless, embracing self strength and individuality, and becoming a much more independent person, and I think that totally fits Dick because he's not the type to fear much and hates being stuck under Batman's shadow and having independence is something that always had an important role in how Dick's life goes)

Favorite picture of them: Well, I just found this pic of him, which was done by Travis Moore

It's very nice and really shows the struggle he goes through as a hero a lot of the times. Also, I really always liked the way he draws Dick, because he doesn't just look like everyone else and isn't sharing same face syndrome with his brothers and Bruce either, it's just a look that's unique to only him and it fits him very well. It's the exact way I always imagine him looking like whenever I envision him in my mind, even the hairstyle that's given to him by this artist too!!!

Thank you for sending this ask, I enjoyed answering it! And you take very good care too!! :)

#damian wayne #dick grayson #spider-jaysart asks

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frecklystars · 4 months

Text

teary eyed over the idea of ken studying what all of my medication is for. making sure i'm eating and drinking. asking when i've last slept. i don't like being doted on constantly but i really really wouldn't hate it if ken fussed over me bc i know he wouldn't do it to baby me

seeing me laying in bed and asking how long i've been there and i don't answer so he assumes it was a bad day. lays next to me and rubs my back and urges softly "sweet girl, you wanna get up? just for a minute. and if you're still tired you can go back to sleep. but how about just one minute out of bed with me? can i make you some food? did you eat today? no? oh, you couldn't keep it down... i'm so sorry. i'll make you something light, let's try again. can you try again for me? i'll make it really yummy, i promise. you can just have a few bites and i'll eat the rest, don't worry. can you stand? do you want me to Keri you? heheh. c'mere baby, let's go get some food in ya"

he carries me downstairs and sits me on the leather couch. he is frantically making a sandwich. he is going to make this the best sandwich ever. he is going to make this the most nutritious sandwich to ever exist. he's cutting this baby into little triangles. the entire time he is trying to fill the silence, trying to say funny things about leather couches that he learned, like the "hysterical" sounds they make when your thighs get sweaty and stick to the leather. he thinks it's funny. i don't, until he starts laughing at his own story and then i can't help but laugh with him

weepy over the image of him sitting next to me and watching me eat and going through all of my medication and mispronouncing all of them. i can't tell if he's doing it to be funny or if he genuinely doesn't know how to pronounce wellbutrin. "but it's got the word WELL in it, so this will make you feel better, right?" he makes sure he knows which one does what. he knows which one i have to take with food and which one i don't. he knows their side effects. "good morning, sweet girl, i made you breakfast, your pills are by your spoon." "hey sweet girl, let's go to the beach, we can have some ice cream and you can take your vitamins when we get outside." "sweet, divine, beautiful girl, you almost forgot, here's your evening pills. these will make you feel so much better." he always hands them to me with a drink and watches me take them because he knows i'll forget otherwise. he sticks to the routine, always a step behind me with everything i need (because as ryan says: behind every great barbie, there's a ken giving her everything she needs and holding her stuff for her, and he's totally fine with that).

and on days when i'm so out of it, the medication unable to do its job because the world is just too much, or maybe the ptsd is hitting harder than normal and i can't go an hour without getting physically sick, he doesn't urge me to get out of bed right away. he says, hey keri, let me lay next to you - no no don't move, don't move, let me lay next to you sweet girl. let me hold you in my very strong and manly ken arms. you having nightmares again? did you sleep at all today? a little? you'll sleep better tonight, i promise. no, i promise, i'll make sure of it. let's lay here for a couple of minutes, just a couple. and then we'll get up and get some donuts, how does that sound? and while we're at it maybe some more food for dinner, but let's start small with one or two bites of something sweet. you know barbie loves giving you her clothes, she'll be so happy to see you in her sweater, let me help you put it on so you'll be comfy when we go for a little walk to the donut shop. and if you're still depressed by the time we're picking up dinner, we'll come right back and go to sleep, okay? i'll hold your hand the whole time. i've got you. i'm not going anywhere. this isn't gonna be like last year, sweet girl, nobody's here to hurt you anymore, nobody's here to scare you. you're safe with me. and you've got more than a dozen other people who look just like me who want you to be well. we're all rooting for you. if we're feeling better after you eat, we'll go visit six, how does that sound? i bet driver misses you too, let's go see him tomorrow if you're up for it. we want you to be okay.

#sorry for the word regurgitation i am just!!! so comforted by barbie and ken ;_;#ptsd is kinda hitting a little bit today :’)#when i was rotting in my own bed i started crying thinking of him rubbing my back and helping me get up #and it urged me to get something to eat even tho i was scared i couldnt keep it down #and i wore my Barbie sweater thinking abt her giving it to me so it can feel like she's hugging me #vent #ptsd #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-

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thottyimagines · 6 months

Note

hello! My English is not very good but I really want to contact you

I really love, love, love your way of thinking about the Naruto universe, I really feel true joy and emotion for the realistic and charismatic sense of your writing, I feel that you are an author almost in existence for my taste :D

If you don't mind, I want to profess from time to time my eternal love for Shisui with my basic English. I love him and I really have affection for him, I would like to be a person for whom I can give him a space where he can be himself, cry, be happy, I think I would love him as a person for his being and have an interest in making me close to him and honestly know about him, give him my support and love him, comunicattion and love.

So, I don't know if you could do some Shisui headcanons with a girl who has an open and truly sincere crush on him, a little silly but very sincere, she's a little shy but brave enough to talk to him and ask about him, which in she truly wants to be patient and love him, support him, admire him, give him affection and have his affection in return, be close to him even if it's just as friends... even if she likes him as a man, she simply loves him and is in love with him. Also, if it's not too much, even if she loves him, what kind of girl do you think he would like?

I'm sorry if it's a bit strange, I wish I could send more things about him, because I love the little things you've written about him.

I'm sorry if I was a little strange with my love for him, I hope to send some other requirements but slowly to not overwhelm you! I have a lot to ask about him :)

thank you for dedicating yourself to writing

I can't tell you how many times I read this over, your message was so sweet! I'm so very glad that you enjoy my writing so much.

But to get to the Shisui of it all:

I don't think he'd know what to do with a girl who cared for him so openly and selflessly. At least, not at first. Shisui has a very clear, defined role in his life, and it is to use his insane capabilities to further the glory of Konoha and the Uchiha clan. He is a shinobi, a protector, a clown for the sake of his cousin, and a very dangerous man. What on earth has he done to earn this guileless affection?

He'd likely assume it's some sort of ploy for...a very long time. If you're tenacious enough, he could begin to entertain it. He could even begin to trust and rely on it, to an extent. I imagine it would become a reprieve of sorts, where he gets to just be Shisui, sans responsibility. It'd be very special to him, and something he'd keep intensely private, I imagine.

For what kind of girl Shisui would like ideally, I'm not so sure. He's so used to being the most capable one in the room and the onus of protection therefore falls on him; he might be a bit relieved if he had someone who could solidly take care of herself. Then again, being that capable means she's a shinobi in her own right and sent out on missions without him, which is a whole different stressor. But a civilian, while safe within the village walls, is completely helpless to the whims of the shinobi who are also within the village walls.

Ultimately, I think he'd like someone who can love and accept him and, at the least, keep up. She doesn't need to be at his level, but let him not be fretting after her in the dust. It'd be nice if he could learn to trust her and she could prove to have earned it, too.

#naruto #Naruto imagines #Naruto headcanons #shisui #shisui uchiha #praise

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gwenbrightly · 9 months

Text

(Re)Building the Future Chapter 1

A mixture of ideas I’ve had rolling around in my brain since Ruin came out. Please enjoy.

"I'm so sorry…"

"I love carrot cake. Happy birthday, Cassie…"

There's a click accompanied by sobbing, and then……. Nothing…

……..

……….

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Reboot complete."

Roxy regains awareness with a groan. What happened?

She tries to sit up, but something heavy is pressing down on her. Great. Just great. It feels like one of those vehicles humans use to get around the Pizza Plex. Inferior to her golf carts, of course, but also dreadfully inconvenient to be trapped under. And Roxy would know. This isn't the first time one has fallen on her since she lost her eyes to that stupid boy, Gregory. That horrible awful loser. How she'd like to get her claws on him…

"Roxyyy"

Roxy tries to ignore the obnoxious voice in her head. Plotting revenge is much more appealing right now than dealing with Helpy. Unfortunately, Helpy doesn't seem to feel the same way.

"ROXANNE WOLF!" He blasts. If she were human, the volume would probably be painful.

"What? I'm a little busy here." Roxy finally replies, giving the vehicle another shove to prove her point.

"You're needed down below. That silly girl showed up out of nowhere and I… May have shown her how to deactivate all of M.X.E.S's security nodes. There's nothing keeping It from getting out now!"

"Oh, Fizzy Faz. Why would you give a child that kind of power?" Roxy really wishes cursing wasn't against her programming.

Helpy is right (for once). This is very bad.

"I’ve been feeling a little glitchy today, okay? Anyway," Helpy says, clearly avoiding responsibility for his mistakes, "we've got a HUGE problem, so get down there and do something."

"What exactly do you want me to do? Beat it in a race?" Roxy asks, finally managing to dislodge her good leg.

"Beating It is an option. Just not in a race. Don't worry - I'll be here to guide you, since, you know, you can't see! I'll be like your seeing eye bear!" Helpy says enthusiastically.

Roxy sighs. Normally, she hates spending time with Helpy. He's an annoying little digital know it all who doesn't know how to shut up. (and he did just insult her). But without her eyes, she doesn't really have a choice. Her Number 1 Twice is somewhere down below and has no idea what she's unleashed. She has to save Cassie. And taking It down is also important, she supposes.

Roxy is built for speed and agility. The next few minutes pass in a blur. Down the stairs - she loses track of how many flights. The elevator has already left. She takes another route. One covered with debris she must navigate. (If Helpy is leading her to her death, she'll kill him first). There are places she has to tunnel through planks and concrete rubble to make her way. But she does it. It's damp. She can hear water nearby and the ground makes a squishy noise when she steps in certain places. "Oh hey! There's an underground waterfall over there!" Helpy informs her at one point.

"Focus, Helpy. We're not here to sight see." Roxy reminds him.

"Riiiiight. Well, we're getting close. I think. Just through this door and down a few more flights of stairs!"

As she treks down stairs and through the halls of a structure she didn't even know existed until just now, Helpy continues to give her, well, 'helpful' suggestions.

"There's an automatic door exactly 2.345 feet to your right."

"No! Not that door!"

"Be sure to watch out for the burners on the floor in here!"

This particular piece of advice confuses Roxy to no end. "Why the Faz are there burners on the floor? Do you know how many safety regulations that violates?!"

"Don't ask me. I just work here. Digitally, of course."

After the weird burner rooms, and another round of stairs, Roxy suddenly runs out of floor. Without thinking, without waiting for Helpy to confirm that it is safe, she jumps. Luckily, the space beneath her is not very deep. Rolling into a stand with both legs more or less intact, she scrambles around until she finds a small hole in the wall. As she crawls through, she hears a small voice in the distance say, "You're not Gregory."

Cassie is close. She can feel it.

-~-~-~

The thing Fazbear Entertainment keeps trapped beneath the Pizza Plex doesn’t go down without a fight. Neither does Roxy. Unfortunately, she isn't able to hold it off for long before it's able to shove her aside and continue after Cassie. To make matters worse, Helpy is giving her conflicting directions, leading her in circles. It is probably interfering somehow. She's on her own if she wants to get anywhere with this. She stalks forward, listening carefully. A faint creaking, scaping sound catches her attention. Then a whimper.

Roxy dashes to her right. Right again. Forward. In the distance, the elevator doors slide shut with a grinding crunch. It struggles for a moment, seemingly caught in the door. This gives Roxy just enough time to pull the creature into a choke hold.

"Leave her alone!" she growls at It.

"But she came to rescue me!" It protests in a voice that sounds a little too much like Gregory.

Whatever actually prompted Cassie to come down here, Roxy is pretty sure the kid didn't come to save It on purpose. Cassie is smarter than that.

"You tried to kill her!" Roxy shrieks in anger. It struggles against her. She refuses to let go. With a little luck, the elevator will finish its journey soon and Cassie will be safely back at the surface in no time.

Luck, however, is a fickle thing. Rarely do things turn out as luckily as we would prefer. Roxy knows this. She's never relied on luck to win races or make crying children smile. Deep down, she knows she can't always win (though she still tries to, often at the detriment of others). But that doesn't make it any less horrifying when the elevator begins to plummet instead of going up. When she hears Cassie's panicked screams. Or the shattering crash of the elevator splitting apart at the bottom of the shaft.

"No…" Roxy nearly lets go of It in her panic.

"Now she can stay forever," It says gleefully, once again mimicking Gregory's voice.

"One more word and I'll tear your head off," Roxy threatens. She drags It away from the elevator.

"Lock It up!" Helpy screeches. "Lock It up!"

"Where?" Roxy asks reluctantly. She doesn't want to leave the elevator's ruins. Cassie is in there somewhere.

"M.X.E.S wants you to put It in one of the extra containment rooms to your left," Helpy starts, "No one is safe until you've done that."

As much as she hates to admit it, the annoying little bear is right. If Cassie is still alive, leaving It to roam free will put her in danger.

"Okay. Let's do this," she finally agrees. Hoping Helpy's instructions ring true this time, Roxy lets him guide her to It's new containment cell. Her threats seem to have worked; the creature doesn't fight her as hard as she knows it could. She shoves the thing into the room and grabs the sliding door, ready to shut It away forever, but she thinks better of it.

"I'll be taking these," Roxy says. Then she reaches for It's face and yanks on the eye receptacles. They give way with a pop. She haphazardly connects the wires to her own eye sockets, blinking as the world flickers into focus for the first time in a long time.

"My eyes!" It complains. "You took them!"

#fnaf sb ruin spoilers #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf cassie #fnaf fanfiction #fnaf fanfics #Roxanne wolf #Cyborg Cassie coming soon to tumblrs near you #rebuilding universe #myfics

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 1 year

Note

So, I was about to ask "what if Bella lost all her memories after being turned?" Buuut I quickly realized that the answer would be "Edward mercy kills Bella bc vampirism took away her soul, as he knew it would."

So, here's a different question: What if Bella really did hit her head in the van incident and lost all her memories for real?

What if Bella Lost All Her Human Memories After Turning

For the record, I actually see Edward as too guilty for that given he turns her himself. I imagine he leaves to be miserable.

But anyways, you had a different question.

What if Bella Lost All Her Memories After the Van?

Well, the van incident goes a little different then.

Edward still saves her but when he turns down to look at her she's not responsive. She's very much still alive but she's not answering his questions or even seems to hear him. Without being able to hear her memories, he has no idea what's going on.

Edward feels a pit of dread open in his stomach as he realizes something irreversible may have happened to Bella.

Bella's carted to the hospital where Carlisle confirms she just had a major concussion. Some time later he notes she has major amnesia and appears to have lost most of her longterm memories.

She doesn't know her name, doesn't know her parents names, doesn't know the date, doesn't know where she is, doesn't know why she's here, nothing.

Bella is likely transferred to a hospital in Seattle where Charlie heads in with her and Renee and Phil are called from wherever they're at.

What About the Cullens?

The Cullens give Edward a hard time, as before, but they're not concerned. There's no "kill Bella" vote as Bella doesn't remember what happened. Her short term memory is completely toast. Everyone thinks this is a great thing as it means there's no need for any of them to be concerned.

Edward agrees it's great but he's internally very upset as a part of him wanted Bella to notice him rescuing her. He doesn't know why he needs that, what does this human validating him mean to him, but he wants it just the same.

He's even more upset that he'll likely never see Bella again. They'll return Bella to her mother, who raised her longer and will likely be able to resurrect more memories, and Bella will move back to Phoenix and not even remember Edward existed.

His family's perfectly safe now, Bella doesn't remember that first Biology class or how Edward saved her with inhuman strength, and she's leaving town and taking her damnable scent with her, it's the best possible outcome.

But he hates it.

"Ah ha ha ha, this is great," Edward tells everyone.

Rosalie points out that Bella's sure to move back with her mom meaning the Cullens don't have to move because of her scent. Wow, this is great.

"AH HA HA HA, THIS IS GREAT," Edward agrees.

What Does Edward Do?

Too tormented, telling himself he needs to check for sure that Bella's not just pretending to have lost her memories somehow realizing what a threat Edward is, he goes to visit her at night without telling his family.

There he's disappointed and even angry to find that she genuinely doesn't seem to remember who he is. He's even angrier that, his anger, appears to alarm her as she tries to call security on him as this strange beautiful boy started snarling at her at three am in her hospital room.

Edward, spiraling into madness, concludes she's the devil after all and that this memory loss is just God tormenting him personally as she is the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Especially now that it appears she'll leave his life of her own volition without him having to lift a finger. IT ALL WORKS OUT PERFECTLY, DOESN'T IT?! Edward snarls.

We now have two routes.

Route A, Edward keeps creeping on Bella and forms an emotional connection with her as he tells her he's a good friend and classmate from school. Bella, being terrified an amnesiac, desperately takes him at his word and tries to recall what she was like as a person with this very attractive and mysterious young man.

Alice later announces that Edward's in love with Bella, allowing him to put it all in perspective.

Twilight essentially happens, as Bella insists on staying in Forks for, uh, reasons and she goes to see Carlisle once a week.

Route B, tormented, angry, and hating himself Edward eats Bella knowing that he has no excuses and no reason to do so. He hides this from his family and likely leaves the family soon after out of his hidden shame.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #bella swan #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #meta #headcanon #opinion

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foofenshmirtz · 3 months

Text

Log #3 Revenant proxies.

Disclaimer, this Au goes into detail about death, and mentions of sexual assault, cults, religion, gods, and gore. viewer discretion is advised. I do not own any of the characters unless stated otherwise and everything is purely for entertainment purposes. i only own my writing.

Since my last log I have found out more information specifically about Offender. From my understanding and from what ████ told me, it seems offender is the one responsible for the agent proxies roaming around these parts. It seems he is alive and does exist after all but I shouldn't worry. I am safe inside and have a better understanding of both the land and a few of the people who live close to me. Nobody has seen him in years so I shouldn't worry as much.

As of late I've been leaving my cabin more and more, I've needed food and to make connections. ████ tells me most of the people barter in these areas and making connections will help in my survival so I've been trying to be friendly to a few of the proxies nearby. I've only run into 4 so far. Tim, Brian, Toby, and Kate. They are all moody and seem very violent but the 3 boys don't live far from me so i've been trying to get on their good side in hope for trades or possibly protection. It seems not many mess with the revenant proxies, and for good reason. They seem very strong and it would be best advised to not get on any of their bad sides.

████ seems to know a lot about them, though she has been around these woods for quite some time so its only natural.

Tim Wright : A Revenant Proxy. Age: 37?? Immortal???? Height: looks like my dad's height so around 5’10 probably Disorders: PTSD, Schizophrenia?

████ says he was stalked by the Slender for quite some time and eventually gave up the fight and caved under the manipulation. Out of the 4 of them, he is often the brains, he doesn't show much emotion other than being grumpy but he is very skilled in handiwork. Many often trade weapons to him in exchange for repairs in electrical work. My guess is that before this life he was a construction worker or something.

He isn't too bad just mostly grumpy and smells constantly like cigarettes. He is always typically seen around Brian as well, I'm guessing they have been close friends for a while since I haven't seen one of them without the other. ████ has advised me to try and get on his good side. I'll probably not be able to befriend him but if I can work out trades with him he might be able to fix up some things around this beat up cabin.

Brian Thomas : Revenant Proxy. Age: 36?? Immortal??? Height: looks around 6’2 but I'm just short so what do I know Disorders: PTSD

Brian doesn't seem to speak much but is often found near Tim. I don't know much about him but from what ████ says, Brian is pretty brutal. He is great in stealth and is killer (haha pun intended) with a gun. He is often seen with a sniper rifle on his back and I've noticed he walks with a slight limp, most likely due to a past injury. Unlike Tim, Brian doesn't seem to take his mask off, i've never seen his face but ████ have seen him without it on so I at least know he isn't secretly a monster under the mask. ████ has said most don't trade with him, but he is very knowledgeable in the area and where all the portals are so I'll probably try and figure something out in an attempt to have him draw me a map or at least give me some pointers.

Maybe I can get him to speak.

Tobias Rogers: revenant proxy. Unlike the others, ████ seems to know a lot about Toby. I've only spoken to him a few times but from what I've gathered he's quite grumpy and keeps to himself.

According to ████ he is very unpredictable and very dangerous. I don't know much about him myself so I will write down everything ████ has told me about him. She seems to know a lot more about him than the other proxies but won't say why. I didn't want to push so I didn't ask further, though I can't help but wonder, I won't push her any further though and I'll just be grateful that she has information nonetheless. She has been my only friend so far and has kept me safe so I won't pry.

Thank you

Tobias Erin Rogers Age: 27 Immortal??? Height: idk probs like 6’0 Disorders: CIPA, Schizophrenia, Tourettes disorder, PTSD, ADHD, Antisocial personality disorder, Bipolar.

████ says that after Toby became a proxy he lost his memory of his past and has now become the ruthless killer he is today. He is often seen partying and is known to be some type of playboy in these parts of the woods, I'm not one to judge though.

████ said that he had a tough time growing up yet did not go into long detail, just that his father wasn't the best and was now forced to serve the Slender. Tobias can be seen constantly covered in blood and oftentimes causing chaos in the woods. He seems to stick by himself most times when he isn't near Tim and Brian. It seems he only really trusts them. Most don't typically trade with him, apparently his bipolar makes him incredibly unpredictable and he is known to manipulate and mess with people out of boredom so it's best to just avoid him and not attempt to trade or get close to him. That's all ████ would tell me, and she wouldn't answer any questions I had, but she did say that I should try and be as nice as possible when talking to him, he gets angry and offended easily. That won't be a problem for me though, luckily I don't think I can be rude to someone, not without crying. I may be a monster but I'm not an asshole.

████ sounded upset while saying this all, making me question why she is doing the most to protect me. We have only known each other for a short amount of time but she has advised me to avoid Tobias at all costs.

Random info ████ has told me about Tobias.

He can play guitar, hates loud sudden noises (same bro), has a love for animals, often doesn't eat proper meals along with the other 3 boys, is always seen with his hatchets and rarely takes off his mask (████ says it's for good reason).

If I'm going to trade with Tim and try to obtain his help, it would be best for me to try and get on all the boys' good sides. I don't want to get shot or beaten to death. I don't know the limitations on my new body yet and I don't want to take any chances so it’s best if i play it safe.

Kate ????? : revenant proxy Age: 29??? Immortal??? Height: she's hella short so probs around 5’3 Disorders: to be figured out

Kate is kind of a mystery to both ████ and I. She doesn't know much about her other than the fact that Kate has been in these forests for a very long time. She is believed to be the first revenant proxy yet is often confused for one of the agents due to her animalistic ways. She seems sensitive to light and is known to only really come out at night because of it. I've only spoken to her twice but she seems nicer, just very socially inept compared to the others. If I had to guess it must be because of the sheer amount of time she has lived here and the fact that unlike the 3 boys she is often by herself. From what I've heard around, many don't trade with her since she is typically seen as a ruthless killer and very messy with her kills but if that's true she might be useful to me after all. Hopefully I can trade with her or befriend her in order to obtain an easier supply of food.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and go out and see what I can do about finding things to trade or getting to know the area better. Hopefully, I can get on Tims good side. This cabin is in desperate need of TLC and I can only do so much without power. Till then I'm just going to see if ████ will give me more information. She seems to be in a poor mood so I don't want to push her but the more I know about my neighbors the greater chance I have of survival.

#creepypasta #creative writing #ticci toby #tim wright #brian thomas #marble hornets #jeff the killer #nina the killer #slender proxy #proxy #slenderverse #original writing #oc #writing #writers on tumblr

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thestrangestthing89 · 1 year

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I thought I'd weigh in on the whole "do the Wheeler's know El exists and is dating Mike" debate.

So there are 2 possibilities here:

The first is that Hopper told the Wheelers the truth about El and how she's staying in his cabin (or Mike or Nancy told them with Hopper's approval). Here's what would have had to happen for this to make sense: Hopper would have had to talk to both of them about this very delicate situation (a thing we know he avoids doing because he doesn't want to talk to Mike and El) and the Wheelers would have needed to understand that El needed to be kept secret because she was in danger. This is plausible due to the fact that Brenner spoke to the Wheelers in season 1 about El so they know she exists. I highly doubt Brenner told them exactly what her deal was (He likely didn't mention superpowers or anything supernatural) but he made it clear that she is potentially dangerous by all the questioning and that he needed to find her to keep everyone safe. They also know that El was hiding in the basement and we see Mike (and presumably Nancy as well) get questioned by the police about the situation. So what they know is that Mike found this girl and hid her in the basement and there was some kind of showdown in the school resulting in people dying. It is unclear if they think she died during this time (that's what seems to happen to her and what the group believes) but Mike says "I'll never tell you" to the police and I doubt he told his parents. It's also unclear whether or not they realize this is related to Will's disappearance. It's possible they assumed Mike found her when looking for Will but we don't know much here. So this is about the extent of the info we actually see on screen and the rest of this is just guessing. Back to Hopper telling them the truth about her being there. I find this unlikely due to Hopper protectiveness of El and the fact that El understands how dangerous it is for too many people to see her and know about her. She knows she can't go to the mall or around town. There are already a lot of people who know (this group is big). Ted is the kind of person who hates all things unconventional and back in season 1 was cooperative with the police and Brenner saying "we're all patriots in this house" when asked to report any info about El. He frequently complains anytime things aren't the way they are supposed to be. So if Hopper told him the truth, are we supposed to believe that his man didn't notify the lab or the government? He already said he would. And the Wheelers have to know he's this type of person. Not to mention the fact that he is conservative and very much the "how is this my problem" type. And he what, just accepts this information and is cool with it? Then we have Karen, who is bothered by Brenner in season 1 and says he "gives her the creeps". She has a good read on the dude and is visibly worried and upset about Mike. She is relieved to be reunited with him at the end of the season. So if she knows this girl is still hanging around her son are we supposed to believe she's totally ok with this? She understands the situation is dangerous and she didn't want Mike anywhere near it in season 1. So what, Hopper explains she lives with him now and it's fine if Mike hangs out? Which leads to the next problem with this theory - Hopper was incredibly annoyed with Mike through the beginning the season 3. Mike is at his house all the time and never leaves. So if the Wheelers know about El and why Mike is hangout out at the cabin, all Hopper had to do was have a talk with Karen (something Joyce would have recommended since she was level headed about the Mike drama) and problem solved. No more Mike hanging out at the cabin. This could have led to El hanging out at the Wheelers but she never does this. Which leads me to believe that she isn't allowed to be there because they don't know about her.

There is a line in season 3 where Hopper tells Mike "your mom called. It's your grandma". They are at the cabin and Hopper is trying to get rid of Mike. So Karen has Hopper's cabin number. (Obviously Hopper is lying here and Karen didn't actually call. But Mike believes him and doesn't question this.) This does not mean she knows about El and could be for a couple reasons. 1) Hopper gave it to her in case of an emergency, 2) Hopper meant that Karen called the station looking for Mike and they either called Hop at the cabin or Hopper was told while at work. He's still in his uniform so he could have just gotten home. Or 3) (and I think this is the most likely scenario) Karen believes Joyce and Hopper are dating so the kids would plausibly be hanging out at his place. She says they are a couple at the carnival and Ted responds also believing it. Which means most people in town believe it too (of course they do, they are always together). So if the two of them are dating it makes sense that Will is spending time with him especially considering how Hopper saved his life and the whole town knows this. Which means it's plausible Mike and their friends are there all the time, too. (I want to note here that I don't think anyone knows about Hoppers cabin for safety reasons. Just that they think the number is for his trailer that we saw in S1. I'm assuming people in town think this is where Hopper still lives.) Now Karen also overhears a conversation over the phone between Mike and El (She spies on her children a lot). El is allowed to call their house (Hopper doesn't stop her and she seems to have the number memorized). All Karen hears is that there is a girl trying to get Mike to come over and Mike is lying and making up excuses. Karen also fixates on the nana being sick part and gets upset so it's unclear how much of this conversation she's actually paying attention to or when she started listening. So that "sweetie pie" line of Ted's. If this was simply a dorky dad teasing his teenage son about his girlfriend why does Karen very concerned at Mike after he says it? And why does Mike look wide eyed for a second like he's shocked he said it and then visibly annoyed. Because if he actually liked his girlfriend and that's who it's about, his reaction is very odd. It does fall in line with Ted's other passive aggressive comments about Mike not liking girls if it's about Will. Now at the end of the season El with her shaved head emerges from the pizza van her son was just in so I think at this point it's safe to assume that Karen will be putting the pieces together. But before this, I don't think it's likely that the Wheeler's know she lives with Hop or the Byers. There isn't enough evidence from the show to suggest they thought about her beyond season 1. And it's the 80s - parents weren't constantly asking where their kids were going and who they were hanging out with so it would have been easy to simply avoid telling them.

Edit: I want to add here that I don't think Ted would actually approve of El just because she's a girl. She isn't a "normal" girl. Ted was a jock who was likely popular. He likes things that are conventional and normal and El doesn't fit into this category. So he wouldn't be happy that Mike was dating a girl if it wasn't a girl who was socially acceptable. I don't think he would be ok with a vague story about her and even less ok with the truth. El is someone who would have attracted gossip and attention from the people in town if anyone had known they were dating and this would have embarrassed him.

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #eleven hopper #anti mileven

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avirael · 8 months

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FFxivWrite 2023

Day 13 - Check

It had been a bit more than two weeks since the incident at Aleport. A'viloh had poured out his heart to Rael about what had happened to him after leaving Little Ala Mhigo but Rael was still trying to process the information. They were aware that such evils existed in this world but they were still deeply shaken by the fates of A'viloh and K'lyhia.

Before the two of them had returned to Thanalan A'viloh had beseeched the Viera not to tell anyone about the things he confided to them and Rael had promised to keep his secrets of course.

They had taken the Miqo'te to the Silver Bazaar and Kikipu had been delighted to see them. She had tried to keep Rael there for dinner or at least a cup of tea but the Viera had insisted on leaving immediately.

"I need to help Thubyrgeim and K'lyhia. There has to be something I can find out about the Morningstar or it’s crew. These people need to be stopped.", they had explained.

"All on your own?!", A'viloh had asked with terror in his eyes. He worries about me, Rael noticed and then had promised not to do anything dangerous without backup. The Miqo'te also made them vow to return quickly and give a daily report via linkpearl.

Before leaving Rael had discreetly spoken to Kikipu and asked her to keep an eye on A'vi. "No matter what he says, he‘s not alright at the moment. I hope spending some time here will help him…", they had said rather vaguely not sure if A'viloh was okay with them talking to Kikipu behind his back.

The Lalafell had sighed. "I already feared so. I know that look on his face. What happened Rael?"

"Give him some time, he‘ll tell you about it. I’m sure.", they had said, unsure about how much Kikipu already knew, and excused themself.

Since then Rael had done some research in Limsa and checked in on K'lyhia multiple times. A lot had happened in these last two weeks and at first her condition had greatly worried Rael but in the end, as she held a new grimoire in her hands, she had found hope again and with it also the strong will to take down the perpetrators of her suffering.

It would take her and Thubyrgeim some time to cook up a plan to take down the pirates, so Rael decided to return to A'viloh in the meantime and check in on his wellbeing.

They had felt bad about leaving him alone for this long but they had talked via linkpearl daily and the Miqo'te had of course insisted that he was fine and that helping K'lyhia was more important now. Rael admired how he always seemed to put other people‘s well-being above his own especially now that they knew the two Miqo'te shared a similar fate.

When they returned to the Silver Bazaar A'vi sat in the shadow of a canvas awning and helped the fisherman‘s son with fixing the nets. His long hair hung over a shoulder in a loosely braided ponytail and his gaze was fixed on the fisher nets. He looked very concentrated but laughed heartily as the boy pointed out a mistake in the Miqo'te’s knots.

Rael hadn’t noticed the Lalafell that had stepped beside them and now made her presence known by stating: „It’s good to see you return safely, Rael.“

"Kikipu! Don't sneak up on me like this...", Rael scolded. The two of them shared greetings and then Rael asked with a nod to A'vi: "How is he? He seems to do fine."

Kikipu tilted her head from one side to the other: "I‘m afraid seems is the right word here. He‘s certainly feeling better already but make no mistakes Rael! You left him here all alone, feeling like a burden, and in worry for you, while you went hunting these men on your own. The night after you dropped him off here he woke up screaming and then cried himself to sleep while I tried to reassure him that he was safe here and that nothing would happen to you too."

This information shocked Rael, they had thought leaving him with Kikipu was for the best but maybe they had been wrong. "I’m so sorry. I needed to help my friends in Limsa and taking him with me…I feared it would only make him feel worse…"

"Oh Rael, I wasn’t trying to blame you! I think you did the best possible thing you could. He was with us after all and by now we have some practice in cheering that boy up. However I think it is good that you are here now, he grew more and more impatient about your absence every day."

"Thank you, Kikipu. I guess I better go and speak to him then.", they said and the Lalafell nodded.

Rael slowly crossed the square and stepped into the shadow of the awning, which made A'viloh look up and notice them.

"Rael! Thank the Twelve, you are alright!", he exclaimed with a relieved smile on his face, jumped up and embraced the Viera in a tight hug. Rael, who usually wasn’t a fan of such displays of affection, patted A'vi on the back and softly smiled back.

"I am sorry it took me so long, A'vi.", they said and then carefully asked: "Are you feeling better?"

He nodded without hesitation and his face did not show any sign that would suggest the opposite. Yet Rael remained skeptical, they had spent enough time with him to suspect the Miqo'te just glossed over his true feelings with a reassuring smile. Given the recent revelations everything he had ever said or done since they had met needed to be viewed in a different light.

They spent the rest of the afternoon helping the villagers with all kinds of daily tasks and Rael always kept a close eye on A'vi’s behaviour until in the evening Kikipu called them in for dinner.

"I hope you had a successful journey?", the Lalafell politely asked between two spoons of soup.

"I did." Rael answered, only for A'viloh to chime in and ask about the happenings. During their daily linkpearl-conversations Rael had left their descriptions rather vague fearing to unnecessarily upset A'vi with details.

But now they carefully unfolded the whole story, always looking out for changes in the Miqo'te’s expression but most of the time he just listened attentively.

Rael was just describing how the loss of her grimoir had affected K'lyhia and how she had gotten it in the first place, when for a tiny second A'vi‘s attentive smile slipped away and let them peak at the sadness behind it. The Miqo'te noticed Rael's worried gaze and immediately put on another amiable smile, though now it seemed to bright to be believable. Rael let it slide and went on with their story not thinking it wise to stop there.

Soon they reached the part where the Arcanists’ guildmaster had made them dance for the goblin Memeeron. Usually they would have left that embarrassing bit out but Rael hoped that it would make A'vi laugh for real. And indeed he chuckled and said: "I wish I could have seen that!" It looked honest enough for Rael...

At the end of their story, the part where K'lyhia was delighted about her new grimoir, Rael paused for a second before adding:

"Then she said something that really impressed me, inspired me even. She said I am to shape reality into the one I desire and then looked me in the eye and declared that she would hunt down the pirates and bring them to justice. I thought about that ever since. That bravery, but also the truth in her words."

At that everyone was lost in thought for a moment before Kikipu stood up and grabbed their empty bowls. "I hope you two still have room for cake!"

The rest of the evening they talked about all kinds of funny happenings, that had occured around town lately, and the Viera really believed that A'viloh honestly enjoyed himself. Rael stayed at the Silver Bazaar for the next few days and helped A‘vi and Kikipu with all kinds of tasks until one morning their linkpearl chimed. They excused themself from breakfast and went outside to talk.

Upon returning they announced: "I‘m sorry but I have to leave."

"Was that K‘lyhia?", A'viloh asked, suddenly very alert.

"Thubyrgeim.", Rael answered. "But yes, it‘s about K'lyhia’s plan. There finally seems to be a good opportunity to take down Doesmaga. I‘ll be back in -"

"No!", A'viloh jumped up and crossed the distance between them. "Let me come with you! Please, I want to help too!"

Rael glanced at Kikipu, who seemed worried, and then at the Miqo'te, wo looked at them with determination. "Are you sure about this A'vi? You are aware of where we are going?"

He nodded firmly. "I am! I thought a lot about this the last few days and I want to help bring these monsters to justice."

Rael was worried. They understood his reasons but was A'viloh really ready for this? The last thing they wanted was for him to get hurt again. But denying his request and leaving him here would hurt him just the same.

"Fine.", they nodded sternly. "We‘ll leave in ten minutes."

A'viloh smiled and scurried off to gather his belongings.

"Rael?", Kikipu whispered. "Please, take care of my boy."

"I will."

#ffxivwrite2023 #ffxivwrite #ffxiv writing #ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #ARR #A'viloh Tia #Rael Hyskaris #part 2 of that story from the other day

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elderemorune · 1 month

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Self-Care and the Act of Healing

So it likely comes as no surprise to anyone who comes across this tiny Internet hovel I've squirreled away in that I don't have the greatest relationship with my mental health. Some days we're great, but that's not a very common occurrence for me. Most often we're on neutral ground, not shooting each other but uh, if negotiations don't go well, who knows?

For months now, I've been in that weird neutral standoff that's bordering on a firefight with myself.

I've blamed a lot of it on my parents. I mean, it's easy, right? They taught me to be the way I am, and that's why I'm so damn miserable. They taught me to sacrifice as much of myself as possible to keep everyone around me happy. Walk on eggshells around your dad or he'll scream at you. Do what dad asks or he'll beat you. Accept whatever punishment you're given because you're a bad child, even if we know your sister lied to us just to get you in trouble.

And that shit's hard to let go of.

Almost two years ago, my father apologized to me for being a bad dad. He was in therapy then, and doing the work. Part of his work was to be generous and kind with no expectations tied to those two things, or at least that's what he said. So he signed onto a loan with my wife and I for a car. At the time, I told him I was willing to forgive him if he kept doing the work his therapist told him he needed to do.

My mom's never apologized to me directly for not being present or even really trying to keep me safe from dad. As far as she's concerned, she did her best. She taught me to be cautious, anxious, to anticipate dad's needs and to apologize frequently even if I didn't do anything wrong. This was her way of protecting me, was giving me this Atlas complex, this need to take care of everyone and everything before ever even thinking about taking care of myself.

And honestly, I'm not sure what the bigger disservice was.

But does blame even have to be levied against them?

It's a difficult concept, just allowing them to be people. I used to think my dad was a hero, and that my mom was the greatest because at least I had a home and clothes and food, which is more than many of my friends had. At least I wasn't dealing with the kinds of things my wife was, with a stepmom who hated her, a mom and dad who both didn't want to be parents, and a racist stepdad, all tossing her back and forth between houses because none of them could be responsible adults.

But that's the bare fucking minimum, isn't it?

Parents are supposed to take care of their kids. They're supposed to clothe, feed, and house them, to nurture them until it's time to go be grownups. I mean, obviously in addition to that, parents find new and fascinating ways to fuck their kids up, but that's an inevitability of existence too.

I think what I'm getting at is that I don't blame my parents for me dealing with this shit now, but goddamn does it suck, and I'm sorry they couldn't help me more.

I've made some decisions about my life recently, big ones, about who I want to be and where I want to go and what I want to do, and a huge part of that process was deciding who I can have in my life. I can't have my folks around anymore. I can't deal with the negativity, the judgement, the constant "are you sure?". I just don't think I can keep them in my life for all that much longer.

#blog #journal #childhood trauma

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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I want to start off by saying I really enjoy your posts. They are always so well thought out and written, you've even given more content to support my own theories. I appreciate you.

I just want to go on a bit of a brain dump on all the theories I've seen since I read ACOTAR from Elriels I think ride on too many things to happen for it become true.

False mate bond

• For starter's this is easily disproven by a number of things, starting with the biggest confirmation, which is Sarah already explained to fans why she mated Elain to Lucien, in the same interview she explained why Nesta was better matched with Cassian. She clearly cared enough about Lucien to give him a better match. You'd think this is all the winning argument Elucien's would need, but for the purposes of this rant, let's say new readers have yet to go down the rabbit hole that is watching every SJM interview possible for clues -

Well, it's confirmed in the span of 4 books in a number of ways, but the biggest ones are

1) Lucien pulls at the thread, Elain feels it.

2) Azriel can smell their bond

Forbidden romance

• What is forbidden? Rhys, the most powerful HL offered his protection and safety to Elain should she ever decide to reject the bond and keep her safe from Lucien, if he ever tried anything. He is also Azriel's brother, he knows him best. If he truly believed Azriel had genuine feelings for Elain, he would without a doubt support them. But Rhy's knows Az the best and knows Az is not in the right headspace to pursue Elain and he is not going to stand by and watch Azriel make a mistake that ultimately could hurt his sister in law. Yes, there was some political motives, but again, Rhys said if Elain rejected the bond, he would protect her from Lucien. So why would that change now? It hasn't. So it is very likely Rhy's know Azriel is not interested in Elain for the right reasons.

Rejected mates

• So you mean to tell me, that Azriel, who had hoped for 500 years that a bond would snap between he and Mor, to angrily telling his brother why didn't the cauldron gift him a mate like his brothers, to mopping around watching his brother's find their mates, would turn around and reject his mate in favor for Elain? PLEASE, Azriel has no reservations about mates, he wants a mate, he knows how special and rare it is. The bond means something to Az, he covet's having what his brothers do and neither Elain or Mor can ever give him what his brothers have, but right now he is so desperate for any affection and believes he is not worth of a mate, he is willing to settle. But I strongly believe SJM has plans to gift him a mate and it is not Elain.

And I think a lot of elriels know this because, it leads me to my last point...

Two mates

So the irony in this is, out of all the ignored SJM interviews elriels pretend never exist (about elucien) they hold onto a 2015 comment with a tight grip. But let's take into context that comment, for one it was in response to a TOG book promotion. It had nothing to do with ACOTAR and even if it did, has SJM introduced multiple mates since 2015- I means she's had plenty of time? It seems to me she favors monogamy when it comes to her mates. She had an interview with Stephanie, who asked a similiar question and SJM kinda laughed it off. I think she is still traditional when it comes to couples. I mean, sure she may play around with threesomes in terms of fantasies and sex, but I do not see her writing any poly ships anytime soon, no matter how much I personally wold love that, as I'm a reverse harem fan, but I just don't think that is SJM's cup of tea and that is ok! Not saying she couldn't and wouldn't go there, but I think the purpose of a mate bond it that it is so rare and between TWO individuals. It one had multiple mates, I believe it wold cheapen how special it is.

There are other theories I've seen, but ultimately for Az and Elain to work SJM has to not only rewrite their characters, but I just do not see how their story progresses the series. As much as I love Lucien, he is not getting his own stand alone book. And I think Mor is getting a novella. So if Elain is getting her book and Azriel is getting his own book, then it is obvious neither are each other LI's, as each book follows a different couple.

Thank you so much!! I love how we can all see one another's posts and it helps trigger a new post idea or it helps us add to one we're already writing ❤️ Your thoughts are all on point and the arguments Anti's come up with are extremely frustrating when they're so easily disproven (yet they still refuse to acknowledge what is canon if it leads to their theory falling apart). Along with everything you mentioned in the Mating Bond, Mor also used her gift of truth on Lucien so it's not something he could be faking (especially considering the fact that Feyre went into his mind and saw that he was struggling with the pull of the bond). And the King of Hybern seemed surprised to find out that Elain and Lucien were mates so he's not manipulating it. As far as Koschei tricking them, what purpose would that serve? It would only work if he were trying to trick Elain and Lucien into wanting to be together in order to pull them away from other people. As it stands, they haven't accepted the bond, Lucien is living with Vassa as a friend and Elain has developed a crush on Az, so it makes no sense. Forbidden Love......when only Az was told to stay away from Elain? 🤣 That's not forbidden. That's Rhys not letting Az hook up with his sister in law while Az is still in love with Mor and Az was not willing to tell Rhys anything to the contrary. Not to mention, Elain is not the kind of character (especially after SF) who is going to let anyone tell her what she can and can't do. I really like your point about multiple mates because it does seem unrealistic to give one female two mates in a series where true mated pairs are rare. I understand why this specific group is all getting mating bonds (A. because those are the stories SJM is telling and it wouldn't make sense for one in the group to get a bond while the rest do not especially if they're going to be a main character. B. they are all noted as uniquely powerful so it does stand to reason that fate is pairing them off with other uniquely powerful partners). But why give Elain two Mating Bonds? That's saying she's even more unique and rare and special? That because she got one Mating Bond and decides not to get to know him, she's just given another? And I LOVE Elain. She's my favorite female character but even I can admit that's a little too "special" for my liking. The entire point of her story is she's fighting fate because she thinks fate knowing what's best and her making the choice to accept her fate because it's what she wants can't be the same thing. But there is no way SJM won't eventually show that Elain is willing to let go of her stubbornness and truly see what fate sent her way and when she does she's going to realize that Lucien has always been everything she could have wanted.

Yes, a mating bond can be rejected but that's not way to live for anyone involved. Because Az would then always know Elain had a special connection to Lucien and she'd have to spend her life trying to reassure him that she's not feeling that connection. And Az would always wonder if he had a mate still out there, and what would he do if he met her? It doesn't make for a truly HEA because it continually pop up as an issue for the rest of their lives. Thank you for message and all your wonderful thoughts!

#anti e/riel #elucien

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