#hip instability
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Happy EDS and HSD awareness month! This month, I’ll be celebrating by getting about a million more symptoms and having a flare up on day one!
As a matter of fact, I wasn’t aware enough so my body decided to bring back symptoms that my doctors and physical therapist already helped out with!
Ow
Ow
Ow
Ow
Ow
(That’s me walking.)
#physically disabled#physical disability#plantar fasciitis#my fucking joints are dead#hypermobile joints#joint pain#joint instability#my joints are as unstable as I am#and the bar is pretty friggin high#hypermobile eds#hypermobile ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos awareness#ehlers danlos syndrome#eds awareness month#hsd awareness month#diagnosed ehlers-danlos#hypermobile#chronic disability#chronically ill#chronic pain#chronic hip pain#hip pain#snap crackle pop#that’s the sound of my joints rn
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hey if anyone i know deals with subluxations, what do they feel like?
#s.txt#currently trying to figure out if some of my hip/knee pain and instability might have to do with them shifting out of place lmao#chronic illness stuff#bodies are so weird
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Looking for Hip Instability Treatment in Mumbai, contact Dr Niraj Vora, specialist in Hip Instability Treatments in Mumbai.
#hip instability treatment in mumbai#hip instability causes and symptoms#hip replacement surgeon in mumbai#best hip surgeon in mumbai
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Revolutionizing Mobility: The Advancements in Wrist Replacement Surgery
The human wrist is a complex joint that plays a crucial role in facilitating various daily activities. However, conditions such as arthritis, trauma, or congenital deformities can lead to debilitating wrist pain and dysfunction. In such cases, wrist replacement surgery has emerged as a transformative solution, offering renewed hope for individuals seeking relief from chronic wrist issues.
Evolution of Wrist Replacement Surgery
Wrist replacement surgery, also known as wrist arthroplasty, has undergone significant advancements in recent years. The procedure has evolved from its initial stages, where the focus was primarily on addressing severe arthritis. Today, wrist replacement surgery is a refined and specialized field that caters to a broader range of wrist disorders, providing patients with improved functionality and reduced pain.
Indications for Wrist Replacement
Wrist replacement surgery is typically recommended for individuals who have exhausted non-surgical treatments and continue to experience debilitating wrist pain and loss of function. Common indications include:
Arthritis: Osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis are leading causes of wrist joint deterioration, often necessitating replacement surgery.
Trauma: Severe wrist fractures or injuries that result in irreparable damage to the joint may require surgical intervention.
Congenital Disorders: Some individuals are born with structural abnormalities in the wrist joint, leading to chronic pain and dysfunction.
The Procedure
Wrist replacement surgery involves the removal of damaged joint surfaces and their replacement with artificial components made from high-quality materials such as metal and plastic. The surgery can be performed under general or regional anesthesia, and the specific approach may vary depending on the patient's condition and the surgeon's preference.
Throughout the procedure, the surgeon skillfully eliminates the damaged segments of the wrist joint, meticulously readies the bone surfaces for prosthetic components, and securely positions the artificial joint. The primary objective is to restore the natural range of motion, alleviate pain, and ensure stability in the wrist. If you're seeking consultation, consider reaching out to the finest orthopedic surgeon in Indore.
Advancements in Prosthetic Design
The success of wrist replacement surgery relies significantly on the quality and design of the prosthetic components. Modern advancements in prosthetic design have led to more durable and anatomically accurate implants. Implant materials are chosen to mimic the natural properties of the wrist joint, allowing for smoother movement and improved longevity.
Innovations in surgical techniques and implant designs have also contributed to better outcomes. Computer-assisted navigation systems and three-dimensional printing technologies have enhanced the precision of implant placement, ensuring a more customized fit for each patient.
Rehabilitation and Recovery
Post-surgery, a comprehensive rehabilitation program is crucial for optimizing the outcomes of wrist replacement. Physical therapy helps patients regain strength, flexibility, and functional independence. The recovery process varies from patient to patient, but most individuals can expect a gradual return to normal activities within a few months.
Complications and Considerations
While wrist replacement surgery has shown considerable success, like any surgical procedure, it is not without risks. Potential complications may include infection, implant loosening, or nerve damage. Patients must carefully weigh the benefits against the risks and engage in open communication with their healthcare providers to make informed decisions about the surgery.
Wrist replacement surgery has undergone significant advancements, emerging as a highly effective solution for individuals grappling with debilitating wrist conditions. The ongoing progress in surgical techniques, prosthetic design, and rehabilitation protocols has led to enhanced outcomes and an elevated quality of life for patients. As technology continues its march forward, there is a promising trajectory for further refinement in wrist replacement surgery. This continual evolution offers hope and relief to an expanding number of individuals seeking to restore wrist function and alleviate chronic pain. For those in search of the best wrist replacement in Indore, these advancements signify a positive trend toward more sophisticated and successful interventions.
#hip replacement in indore#hip replacement indore#hip replacement surgery in indore#hip replacement surgery indore#total hip replacement services in indore#best doctor for hip replacement in indore#shoulder trauma treatment in indore#shoulder replacement in indore#best shoulder replacement surgeon in indore#best shoulder replacement surgery in indore#shoulder instability treatment in indore#shoulder trauma treatment indore#hemi shoulder replacement surgery in indore#reverse shoulder replacement surgery in indore#shoulder rotator cuff repair in indore
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It's Dani! I like redesigning characters sue me
I really wanted her design to have more visual indications of her instability, cause I imagine having a ghost half that is constantly in a state of breaking down would have some effects on her human half as well. Like her core is trying to stabilize itself and causes a sort of infection by trying to use the energy from her human half which inadvertently throws things off balance even more.
Thoughts on each design past the break
Human half: I wanted it to be obvious at first glance that she's not quite right or put together, so parts of her hair is white, and one of her eyes has turned green. I also thought it would be cool if her human form constantly has that red-pupil camera effect since it has a bit of a creepy connotation. I also added some skin discoloration/scars, and carried over the ears and fangs from her ghost form. Another very small detail I added was having her shoelaces untied to further make her appear unkempt/unstable.
Ghost half: Her human half doesn't affect her ghost half as much as the opposite, but her eyes with the black sclera is blue rather than green, I basically just switched the herochromia. Her skin should be a more vibrant blue/green in good health, rather than the uneven dull green caused by her instability, and of course the splotches of human skin tone shouldn't be there. For her ghost costume, I wanted it to seem more like a transformation of the clothes she already wears (hoodie, big pants, gloves, sneakers) since she didn't have a hazmat portal incident like Danny. I felt like pushing her asymmetrical design and making it a bit messy/unrefined would also be a good visual que to her instability. And lastly, I just really wanted to get rid of the crop-top, wide hip, lipstick, & eyeliner thing from the original bc that comes across as weird to me since she's supposed to be like 12.
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Hoon who's so stressed after a Figure skating comp and just needs to take out all his stress on you <33
Stressed
Poor Hoon who can't even wait to properly be alone with you, his manager turned dirty little secret, to fuck.
✰ PAIRING
↳ park sunghoon x fem!reader
✰ GENRES & AUS
↳ smut, figure skater!sunghoon au, secret relationship
✰ WORD COUNT
↳ 1.3k words
✰ WARNINGS/CONTENT
↳ reader is sunghoon's manager, they have sex in secret, car sex, biting, pain kinda, unprotected sex, creampie, rough sex, biting, sunghoon is a little selfish
if you read, please reblog.
—
It was a bad run for Sunghoon, showed up late and lost 15 minutes of preparation, couldn't land his routine as he usually does, didn't place like he usually does. As a perfectionist, this fucked him up more than anything. Even worse, his coach scolds him after, going on about how conditioning obviously wasn't conditioning him enough, how this season seems to be the beginning of his downfall, how so much work goes into molding and shaping Sunghoon into the perfect skater, and yet he still manages to end up like this.
His coach has more words to say, but as you pass by, he stops his scolding and calls you over, "Christ, I can't anymore. Do you have the manager's spare I gave you?"
"Oh, yeah."
"Just take him out to the van first, I don't have the energy right now. Sunghoon, show up at 6 am tomorrow, not 7 am. We clearly have work to do," he finishes, rolling his eyes and storming off.
You two walk out to the parking garage alone, passing by a couple cars exiting. It's quiet on the way there, not a peep from Sunghoon, only the sounds of cars, the rustling of his competition bag, and your footsteps.
You approach and unlock the team van, opening the door and letting Sunghoon in the backseat before climbing in with him. You have some room to sit, talk, and ask what the fuck happened in the comfort of idle time and tinted windows.
Surprisingly, Sunghoon is first to ask something, "Can you do me a favor?"
"Mm," you acknowledge, dropping your professional manager act and inching closer to him, leaning on his shoulder.
"Help me out," he starts, taking your hand into his and guiding it onto his abdomen, trailing it down towards his sweats, "relieve some stress for me?"
You know that the rest of the team, coach included, take forever to deal with things after the competition. Usually, Hoon would be back there mingling and whatnot for at least another half hour. Right now, you have the time.
...And how could you ever say no to him when he's like this? Aching against your hand, cold palms guiding you to where he wants you most, face flushed with frustration and humiliation from the verbal ass-whooping handed to him, instability in his voice from anger... no isn't even on your mind.
You don't even say anything to him as you gently move his hand so you can slightly roll over and quickly undo the button on your black jeans, sliding them and your panties down your thighs and off of you to place them in the front seat for easy access later on.
Sunghoon, though he wants you so bad right now, doesn't say anything as he waits for you to get ready for him to fuck you. He just looks at you, lips parted and brows slightly furrowed, overwhelmed with both frustration and need to release. His sweats and boxer briefs are pulled down just enough to release his cock, swelled with arousal, so he can spit in his hand and swipe it over his pink tip and stroke himself in anticipation.
You know he gets quiet when he's angry, and he loves to fuck when he's angry. It's nothing against you, in fact, he can express himself much better through his action than his words in moments like this.
And express himself he does when you hover over him to lower yourself onto him, sacrificing your comfort and preparation to take care of your dear skater Sunghoon, and he places his hands on your hips, pushing you down onto his length with a searing stretch that feels good only because it's him.
He hisses entering you dry like this, enjoying the warmth of your walls but missing the wetness, though, in this moment, he doesn't care. In time, you'll be exactly what he needs, he knows it.
Words can't express how disappointed he is in himself, how frustrated he is, how mad he is at his coach, or how good you feel around him. All he can do is bury his face in the crook of your neck as he lifts your hips to set the pace he wants you to fuck him at—rough and fast.
You give in, keeping up with the direction his hands are so desperately signaling to you. You look down at him as he's focused on how it feels to fuck it out, thick, dark eyebrows knitted in pleasure and chasing release.
When Sunghoon looks up, you feel the tip of his nose and the plushness of his lips trail upwards before leaving you, replacing the sensation with his teeth grazing—no, biting— your neck.
It's hard to match his desperation and fuck him as hard as he wants you when he's locked onto you like this, thrusting upwards into you. You roll your hips into him, causing the seats of the car to buck and creak with every movement.
Still, it isn't enough for Sunghoon, muffling frustrated whimpers against the skin of your neck—now purple and red—as he tries to bury himself deeper, deeper, and deeper into you. Maybe, if he buries his cock into you deep enough, he'll be numb to the anger.
Truthfully, though, it's clear that he still feels every ounce of anger in his body, and he's making you feel it too. His strokes are vicious and sharp, tip hitting your cervix every time he bottoms out. It hurts, but you let him, cause you know he needs it.
Hoon feels blissfully painful inside of you as he drags his length against your walls, face still buried in your neck, kissing, licking, and biting you. He loves the way you feel wrapped around him, slowly becoming wetter as he fucks you so, so well.
He groans, both out of frustration and how good your cunt feels as he mercilessly uses you to relieve his stress. His hair clings to your skin as sweat sticks you two together with Sunghoon's face buried into your neck and chest, breathing heavily as he chases his orgasm.
The sound of your wet cunt makes his eyelids flutter closed, long eyelashes softly brushing against your skin as he imagines how hot it must look for you, all sloppy and swollen, to take his cock this roughly. He wishes he had to time and space to lay you out and see himself stretch your tight pussy out on his cock, taking every inch of him like he know you can.
He loves having you like this, knowing that you'd do anything for him even though it means you hurt a little more for him. You ache, for his pleasure. You act, for his pleasure.
Sunghoon grips the flesh on your hips harder, so strongly that you know it'll bruise and ache for days after, a reminder of him. He grabs you and slams you into him, bottoming out every time without failure, at an ever-increasing, delicious pace.
His breathing picks up and he slides down the seat just the slightest bit so he can fuck up into you even better. Hoon can't hide anymore, moans escaping his hips as he pushes you down further, and further, until he's moaning in desperation of release.
As he's pounding mercilessly into your sopping wet cunt, with one sharp motion, he fully sheaths himself into you one last time, shooting his hot, anguished cum inside of you, shuddering against your skin as he shallowly fucks the last drops of cum out of himself.
Out of breath, he pulls out of you, letting his load drip out of you onto his sweatpants before you carefully roll over to start cleaning up.
"Sorry," he exhales, "was a little stressed."
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lando norris x reader, 18+
"i'm bored."
lando's head shoots up from below you. your head is tilted to the side, gazing out the window as if you can't be bothered to care about the man between your legs; as if anything, even the gray skies outside, is more interesting than this.
but you're just pretending, of course.
there's no doubt in the way that your body always trembles under his touch, or the way that your cheeks grow hot when he just looks at you. he may be slow and careful, taking his time with his touches instead of rushing into things, but he's never been boring to you before, and he sure isn't now.
"what?" lando asks, frowning. he's a bit confused – after all, you were the one who called him up half an hour ago, begging him to come over – but he's not completely sure he believes you. he knows the effect he has on you. "you're talking nonsense."
you shake your head slightly. "no, this is boring..." you mutter, letting out an exaggerated sigh. his kisses still linger where he left them on the inside of your thighs just moments ago, and you already regret making him halt his actions.
"god, you're so bratty."
your eyes dart back at him. there's a teasing grin on his lips, and his fingers on your thighs suddenly make themselves known again. one thumb draws circles into your skin, as the other hand moves up to swipe just along the edge of your slit. "i- i'm not." the instability of your voice is clear to lando, and it's easy for him to take notice of how your legs have tensed up in just a moment. "i just... want you to..."
your eyes flutter closed when one of his fingers makes contact with your clit. "hm? what do you want me to do to you?" he increases the pressure, casually circling your bud as your hips buck up slightly. "for you to feel less bored?"
"you- you've said that-" a whine escapes from your mouth, not able to form your sentences when he's teasing you like this. he notices and slows down his movements to let you speak. "you said that you like to make my eyes roll," your eyes find his the moment you open your eyelids. "do it."
he cocks an eyebrow at you. "alright, then." his lips trace down from your stomach to right above your core, kisses still feathery yet carrying more purpose than before. "your wish is my command."
#back at it again with the horrible endings 👍 but its late and im tired and i just really wanted to get something out for once#have a few other music shorts planned/written because i don't have time to write longer yeehawwww#lando norris#f1#formula one#formula 1#lando norris smut#lando norris fluff#lando norris imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris x yn#lando norris x y/n#f1 x reader#f1 x yn#f1 x y/n#f1 smut#f1 imagine#f1 suggestive#lando norris suggestive
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hello perhaps morning after sex with mingyu + wonwoo ?? like you wake up in bed with both of them after a drunken threesome and go again… maybe one of the boys wakes up first and you start hooking up with him right there only for the other to wake up and get pouty before joining in
Pairing: (Mingyu x afab!reader x Wonwoo)
Genre: smut
Word count: 1.8k
tags: Tags: poly, established friendship, brief enemies to lovers, unprotected sex, spanking, double penetration, degradation, brief hole slapping?, mean wonwoo, sweet mingyu
Summary: Mingyu being the common denominator for the strained acquaintanceship of both you and Wonwoo, he's determined to make this friendship work.
author note: can yall believe this is my first minwon fic, i mean theres a million ones out there that arent mine, but its interesting it took this long. thank you kaili my love for the request, i hope you like it
Mingyu and Wonwoo were and have been inseparable, that is until you came into the picture. You met Mingyu first and clicked immediately with him, taking him everywhere you went like schoolmates. You were self-claiming that he was your best friend, despite how many people telling you he’d be a better boyfriend (he is insanely hot), and that Wonwoo was second best to you.
Wonwoo didn’t like that about you. You just popped out of nowhere with your pretty face and can-do attitude, attaching yourself to Mingyu’s hip like a clingy fanny pack. He was there first and clearly had a stronger connection with Mingyu and he wasn’t going to let some ‘nobody’ steal his friend away from him, no matter how cute that smile was or how nice you smelled.
Mingyu being the ‘empath’ he is, starting to use the word unironically at this point, he could sense the hostility between the two and how things never seemed to align when you were together. It was like a dark cloud peering over everyone when they were in the same room. It made social gatherings suffocating at times and that was unfortunate since he enjoyed both their companies equally, so he set off a plan in motion.
The next gathering would just be the three of them, close and intimate. Drinks would be involved, maybe some food, have it all set up in his apartment, and before you know it, they’d all be besties. This was going to go great.
“Mmh, Wonwoo…”
Mingyu realized things went too well when he found out what he was waking up to the following morning. His eyes couldn’t process it initially, but through his strained eyes he can make out you grinding your wet entrance up against his best friend’s raging boner, moaning obscenities that he hardly ever imagined coming out of your lips.
Wonwoo’s deep chuckles were as dark as chocolate, running his hands all over your body in delight, looking up in amazement to see how needy you already were. “So whiny, you’re so annoying. You want me that bad?”
You nod back at him incessantly, tweaking your stuff buds between your fingers, “I…want…you in me…”
A corner of his lips quirks up, he forces your hips to ride his torso harder, “Yeah? You want my cock inside you?”
Your lips contort anxiously, dragging your hands over his toned, muscular build, “Mm, yes, I want it…”
“I’m gonna need to hear you beg for it. Beg for me, whore,” He taps his length on your stomach, having you mewl over him desperately.
Your core throb, practically hearing the echo from its vacancy, screaming at you to be filled, “Wonwoo please…”
He arches a brow, “Please what? Be specific.”
You’re clenching over nothing, whining in his ear as you leaned towards him, “Please put your cock in me…I need you…”
Mingyu was half asleep when this was all occurring. Tossing and turning, he was wondering what was happening in the background, and why the hell was he so tired for. He soon notices the instability of the bed slightly rocking in its spot, the pure stench of sex that coated the inside of his nostrils, and then your breathy moan, rhythmically dancing in the air. The images then all rush back to him, blood flowing to his lower half, finding enough for his shaft to stand on, and the feeling of neglect wash over him.
“Seriously? You guys couldn’t wait?”
You immediately collect the sounds of Mingyu's pretty whines and turn your head to his side of the bed. “Baby, you’re—ah—up.”
“Hey Gyu.” Wonwoo nods at the younger man.
Mingyu juts out his bottom lip childishly, lightly throwing a pillow back at his friends, and sees it make no effect on the situation. He shifts from the bed, the blanket falling from his body and exposing stiff length, rubbing his eyes in slight frustration. “I can’t believe you two. Without me.”
Your eyes latch on his size, pulling him by his shaft, giggling. “It’s not too late for you to join in.”
“Well, now I gotta catch up,” his hand catches the back of your head and claims your lips.
Your hips moved more slowly this time, focusing on savoring the taste of his lips while entertaining, but the man underneath you wasn’t so patient. Distracted with Mingyu, Wonwoo grips your hips and ruts you faster, bouncing you in his lap. As the sounds of skin slapping together in perfect harmony, you moan in soft, staccato breaths in Mingyu's mouth, allowing your lips to part and have his tongue explore. His hands start playing a part when they fell to your chest, teasing your nipples lightly.
With the endearing way you feel apart to his touch, he can’t help but pull away from the kiss to just have them in his mouth, sucking your tender skin and mouthing flesh around it. “You’re so fucking beautiful...”
His eyes gaze back at you like he was in heat, his hips, and cock twitching to be inside you, your eyes telling him the same. He embraces you as you ride Wonwoo, drawing circles with his tongue, clenching your flesh in his hands, drunk on your pretty voice calling out to him. He could do this all day if he could, but there was one thing he wanted to do a smidge more.
“Come on, Gyu, you know you want to,” Wonwoo takes his hand to your ass cheeks, have you whimper upon impact.
Mingyu knew all too well what his best friend meant and pushed you down to reunite your lips with Wonwoo’s in a frenzy. Mingyu made himself comfortable behind you, legs bordering Wonwoo and parallel to yours. He runs a slick finger over your moisture, and squeezes it between the older man’s cock and your walls, testing your limits.
“So fucking tight…has Wonwoo treating you well?”
You hardly mumble a yes as Wonwoo thrusts deep inside you, feeling the tension up your body and ramming repeatedly inside you, his hands clapping over your ass every few seconds or so.
“We’re gonna stretch you nice and wide for us okay?” Mingyu warns with a playful tinge.
You moan against Wonwoo’s lips, feeling the heat of his cocky chuckle on your neck. “I think that means yes, Gyu.”
Mingyu held your hips in place, rubbing the tip at the edge of your entry before gradually pushing his length in. With blown-out eyes, you try to quickly adjust to the strain of two cocks plunged inside you, feeling their slick griths rub against each other and fill up your vacancy past its limit, “Oh, fuck…”
It's when Mingyu finds his place that you realize it's only begun. Your hips stationary and nails digging into a pillow, they moved on polar pacing, but fucking you with a similar depth. The euphoria of fullness had overcome you and you try backtracking to the moment when you felt a sensation similar, but none comes in mind. You felt used in the most heavenly way possible.
“So…tight…Fuck, you feel good…” Wonwoo growls out between his grunts, “Stupid slut, perfect fucking body, perfect fucking hole, you’re just perfect everything, aren’t you?”
“So good for us…you’re taking us so good, baby.” Mingyu agrees.
Your eyes keep rolling back in your skull, taking deep breaths, restraining your own orgasm, and at some point the sweat of you three fuse together, becoming one living and breathing system, hot to the touch and unstoppable. Wonwoo eventually encourages you to sit up, pressing your back against Mingyu’s chest, having the image of you being spoiled giving him a sense of purpose and bliss.
“That’s a pretty picture,” he comments, watching as Mingyu grabs your chest again, rolling your nipples and abusing them to his liking.
“I’m c-c-cumming…” you stutter.
Mingyu smugly grins against your skin. “But we’ve only started, baby.”
“I-I know I’m…try–fuck–shit, Mingyu!” You react to the love tap he makes to your hole, his laughter flooding your ears.
Wonwoo laughs along with him, his nails running over your chest and stomach. “Listen to him, slut. Don’t make us have to make you wait…”
“Y-yes, sir…”
Wonwoo was pleased to see your chest heave up and down breathlessly, sweat beading down your body, and the helplessness on your face while Mingyu took advantage. The power running through his veins was immaculate; he made you grind faster, Mingyu pound you harder, all of his present senses were being fulfilled to their maximum. Despite being underneath you, Wonwoo clearly had the upper hand.
There was a point you couldn’t help yourself anyway, your arousal seeps out of you like oozing honey, dripping the side of your legs and down Wonwoo’s lap, clutching the man behind you desperately for reassurance. “S-shit…I’m sorry.”
“You better be. Mingyu, get on top of them.”
Mingyu follows orders well, your body flat on the mattress in mere seconds with him toppled over you, his smile staring back at you, “Hey, there.”
You get no chance to greet him back as he smothers you with his lips, his full length pushing back in you, and your body aches from the sensitivity. Wonwoo is just a step behind, pulling your legs just slightly more in his direction, he steps off the bed. He plants his feet on the ground and fills up your core to its brim, not caring about the mess you make, only thinking of the bigger mess he plans to make.
“S-so full…”
“You should’ve listened to Wonwoo, baby.” Mingyu strokes the side of your head, pressing his lips against your skin and sucking them until he sees the pigment rise to the surface.
The room could hardly contain any of the sounds happening, no doubt interrupting a fourth party’s day, and none of you had a care in the world. You were a sweating mess beneath the both of them, used up like their personal toy, and being bruised left and right, all worth it to meet another climax, this time both men joining you.
Mingyu was still kissing your flushed skin when it was happening and Wonwoo, having already poured thick ribbons of his nectar inside you, was pushing it back inside of you, a trail of his and Mingyu’s essence seeping out of you into the sheets. Doing it once, twice, and three times before, you’d do it again and again until your hunger presents itself.
Although both men knew how to make you full, they couldn’t distract or fulfill you from the absence of food. Knowing how exhausted you’ve become, Mingyu laid your body to rest, cleaning out any and all the remnants from your body, while Wonwoo called ahead for some breakfast.
“Anything specific you both want?”
Mingyu cuddles up next to you when he’s finished, throwing a blanket over bare bodies, “Yeah maybe a breakfast sandwich? How about you, baby?”
“That sounds perfect,” you grin, kissing the top of his nose.
Wonwoo smiles to himself, reciting it over the phone before joining them back in bed. He holds you from behind nuzzling to the crook of your neck, and you laugh, wondering why he ever bothered you in the first place. It felt complete with you three together, like a breakfast sandwich.
#svthub#mingyu smut#wonwoo smut#seventeen smut#seventeen wonwoo#seventeen mingyu#seventeen#wonwoo#mingyu#jeon wonwoo#Kim Mingyu#Kim Mingyu smut#jeon wonwoo smut#seventeen x you#mingyu x you#wonwoo x you#wonwoo x reader#mingyu x reader#seventeen x reader
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Born for Greatness bonus 3
Okay I ended up adding a chapter because this is a gift for a friend
Find the series masterlist
It's that time of the month and the cramps are awful. The pack fusses.
Warnings: Lil bit of panic from the boys, emotional whiplash, emotional instability, cramping, Feelings.
Word count: 1.6k
John was the first to find you curled up on the couch, hugging a heat pad to your abdomen, face twisted in pain.
“Love?” He crouched in front of you, hands on your knees, trying to make eye contact. “What’s wrong?”
“Just cramps,” you grit out, trying to breathe slowly. They were bad this month, worse than normal. Much worse.
Some of his concern cleared, and he lifted one hand to brush your forehead. “Had any painkillers?”
“An hour ago.” You closed your eyes at the tiny bit of relief he brought just by being there.
“Not helping?” He murmured sympathetically.
“Not yet.” You clenched your jaw tight and stopped breathing at another sharp ripple of pain.
“Here, move forward a bit, love.” John stood and circled around behind you, gently nudging you forward until he had free access to your lower back. He started massaging slowly, taking his time. Just the pressure of those big warm hands on your skin helped, the cramps easing in their intensity.
“What’s going on?” Gaz asked sharply, more intense than usual. “Who’s hurt?”
You jumped at the unexpected intrusion and then hissed softly. Oh ouch.
“At ease,” John grumbled, hands briefly detouring to squeeze your shoulders. “Alright, love?”
“Good enough,” you muttered. “It’s fine, it’ll pass.”
“Not soon enough.” John huffed softly and resumed massaging your back.
Gaz put things together quickly, because he was smart. He also dropped down in front of you, frowning with concern. “Want some tea?”
You smiled, small and tight, trying to hide your pain again. Despite the fact that you knew it was far too late for that. “Only if it’s no trouble.”
“Not for you.” He stood again and started working on tea. (You’d known getting an electric kettle for the pack room was a good idea, and mentally congratulated past-you.)
You breathed out slowly, the cramps lessening as John continued massaging your lower back and hips. “Not that I want you to leave,” you started slowly, pausing to grimace at another clench of pain, “but don’t you have to go do Captain-y things?”
John huffed softly in amusement, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll worry about it later,” he rumbled. “Don’t fret, love.”
“Don’t fret, he says to the person whose job it is to fret,” you muttered, grinning to yourself when you saw Gaz’s shoulders jump with a stifled laugh.
“Here.” Gaz held out the tea to you, hovering even after you’d taken it. Clearly he was unwilling to leave just yet.
“Thanks.” You took a sip. Perfect.
“Cap?” Soap called from down the hall, footsteps approaching fast.
“In here,” John said, speaking normally. “Everything’s fine.”
About three seconds later, Soap stopped next to the couch, looking between the three of you. He blinked and then muttered a little “oh”.
“Soap,” you started before he could say anything. “I love you but if you say anything I might deck you.”
“Rog.” He grinned, opting instead to plop down next to you and cuddle into your side. You relaxed a little, the heat of him and John and the heat pack all working to ease the cramps to something more manageable.
Relief had you going near-limp, leaning back (and not even apologizing as you trapped John’s hands) with a little sigh. “Finally,” you grumbled, eyes sliding closed.
“Hungry, love?” John didn’t try to free himself yet, just moved a bit to be more comfortable.
You made a face, shaking your head. “Definitely not.”
John hummed acknowledgement, glancing down at where Soap was still cuddled up against you. “Gonna take it easy today?”
“I think if I try anything otherwise, I won’t get very far,” you admitted with a sigh.
“Good.” He pressed another kiss to the top of your head before he pulled his arms free. “Sure you don’t want anything?”
“I’m sure.” You tipped your head back further to smile at him. “That helped.”
John nodded once, though you could see he was thinking about something. His gaze went from you to Soap to Gaz (still hovering by the minifridge) back to you.
You decided to save him the trouble. “Yes, I know you have to work. Yes, one of them can stay with me. No, I have no preference which. No, I will not shout at anyone.” You paused. “Probably.” You paused again. “At least I will do my very best not to.”
John looked very briefly chagrined but then smoothed out his expression and nodded. “Good,” he murmured. “I’ll check in for lunch, how’s that?”
“That’s fine,” you agreed, ignoring the looks Soap and Gaz sent each other. “No setting your paperwork on fire.”
John heaved the biggest sigh known to man and turned around, but not before you saw his lips twitch in a grin. “That was once,” he grumbled on his way out.
“Drink your tea,” Gaz said, making his way over to the two of you. “Gotta go deal with recruits.”
“Don’t scare them too much,” you joked, grinning up at him.
He rolled his eyes but still leaned down to rub his cheek against the top of your head. And ruffle Soap’s mohawk playfully, dodging out of the way and leaving with a cackle while Soap swore at him.
“Movie time?” Soap asked after he’d settled back down again, having somehow managed to contort himself so he was half-curled around you.
“Mmhm.” You picked up the remote, flipping through options.
You two managed a fairly peaceful couple hours. Soap got a little antsy, which didn’t surprise you. He wasn’t used to being inactive, especially first thing.
“You can go for a run,” you murmured to him after you finished the first movie. “I’ll be fine.”
He shook his head a little. “‘S fine,” he murmured, even as he fidgeted.
“Seriously. Go.” You nudged him. “I think I’m gonna go get a book, anyway.”
He wavered until you stood, leaving your now-cool heat pack on the couch. “Ye sure?”
“I’m sure,” you said, flapping your hands in a shooing motion. “Go. Get some energy out.”
He nodded and left, and you hummed as you went back to your room to retrieve your book and your meds. Because you were definitely not skipping a dose today.
The couple hours of quiet reading time to yourself helped, as did more meds. As promised, John brought lunch to you, and the two of you had a quiet meal.
You tried very hard to tamp down your fraying temper. You even managed it.
Until the afternoon.
You breathed in deep, pain once again battering you, temper entirely too short, energy levels too low to do something like climb up on the roof.
“Gaz,” you started, closing your eyes. “You do not need to hover.”
He paused, in the middle of hovering. And took a step back. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” You grimaced when that came out too short. “It’s not you, I’m just…” You trailed off, not sure how to put it into words. The general discomfort, the pain, the short temper because of everything else.
“Got it.” To his credit, Gaz just nodded once, stepping away to flip on the kettle again before pulling out his phone. You sighed softly, frustrated with yourself on top of everything else now.
But Gaz didn’t seem to be upset. He brought you tea a few minutes later, checked his phone one more time, nodded to himself, and smiled at you. “One of us’ll bring you dinner, yeah? Text if you need anything.”
And then he left quietly.
You were so relieved you could almost cry, and so disgusted with yourself for being so relieved that you did cry, just a little bit. You were a terrible person.
But you had silence and the pack room to yourself for a little while. Which was great, up until it wasn’t. You ended up hunched over yourself, feeling terrible, trying to push the heat pack into your skin until it almost burned.
A soft chuff pulled your head up and you squinted at the cheetah in front of you. “Ghost? You need something?”
He chuffed again and nudged your arm with his nose. When you just blinked at him, confused, he chuffed a third time and shoved his head under your chest, physically pushing you. You let him and eventually got the hint, laying flat on the couch.
He promptly hopped up and draped himself across you. His purr rumbled pleasantly against your skin, the vibration far more soothing for your cramps than you would have guessed. Within minutes, you were completely relaxed under him, moving only to push a pillow under your head. He continued purring, louder now.
You didn’t stand a chance against that.
You woke slowly, groggy and disoriented, to John leaning over you with a little smile. “How’re you feelin’, love?” He kept his voice quiet.
You blinked a few times. “Groggy,” you muttered. “Better. Doesn’t hurt.” You started to stretch and quickly realized you couldn’t, because you still had a cheetah on you.
“You want dinner?”
You made a face. “Not hungry,” you grumbled, wiggling one hand free to scratch through Ghost’s little ruff of fur. His purring got louder, which you hadn’t thought possible.
“Alright.” John leaned down enough to kiss you, soft and sweet, before he turned the TV on low, settling next to you. You hummed softly, content, your fingers curling lazily in Ghost’s fur.
You had no idea when you fell asleep, but you woke up to John snoring softly, leaned back on the couch with his hat over his face and Ghost still laying on you as a cheetah. A quick look showed Gaz and Soap, both shifted, laying near John’s feet.
You smiled and closed your eyes again. Couldn’t hurt to get a little more sleep.
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FINALLY MY FLAREUP HAS CALMED ITS IMAGINARY TITS AND I CAN WALK W/O MY HIP STABBING ITSELF
#physically disabled#physical disability#disabled queer#connective tissue disorder#chronic disability#disabilities#disabled#disability#diagnosed ehlers danlos#hypermobile ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos awareness#ehlers danlos syndrome#ehlers danlos problems#flare up#pain flare#my joints are as unstable as i am#my fucking joints are dead#joint instability#hypermobile joints#joint pain#hip pain#chronically ill#chronic pain#ambulatory wheelchair user#wheelchair user#wheelchair
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See No Evil, Hear No Evil {4}
Aemond Targaryen x deaf!fem!reader
Summary: After the birth of your son there has not been any intimacy with Aemond, but that is about to change. Plus, Aemond being just a perfect husband and father.
Warnings: 18+ only, NSFW, breastfeeding, smut, emotional instability from hormones etc
WC: 3.4k
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four
Gaelyn fussed at your hip, his chubby cheeks rosy from the fresh tears that he had spilled before the handmaids brought him to your tent. Your baby's cries had called to Aemond and shortly after Gaelyn was comforted in your arms your husband had arrived.
Aemond was filthy. Mud smeared up his riding leathers like he had been wading in the muck and dried blood was splattered across his tunic.
“Is he well?” Aemond asked as he stopped short of the clean rug that covered the forest floor where the camp had been set for Maelor’s name day celebration hunt.
You nodded with a smile as you settled onto the chaise and began unlacing the front of your dress with one hand. Aemond made to step forward and help but you cocked an eyebrow as his dirty boots and he froze as you spoke, “Wash.”
He grinned hearing your voice, savouring every time you chose to vocalise your thoughts and you were certain you could insult him and he would still be happy. He sauntered into the adjacent tent where a bath full of cold water waited and you followed his steps to see his clothing disappear piece by piece.
Gaelyn wriggled in your arms and you tore your eyes away from your husband to bare your breast. Your son wasted no time as he sought his nourishment and latched on with an ease that had not come naturally after his birth.
There had been many long nights spent with the maesters trying to get him to feed without it bringing you to your knees with the pain that erupted each time he latched. You had felt like you were failing Gaelyn, and Aemond too, when the situation turned dire and he started to lose the precious weight he needed to survive. The maesters had talked about your body as if you weren’t there reading their lips.
You shivered at the memory before the feeling of your milk dropping brought you back to the present and you watched Gaelyn’s mouth working to swallow the tide that flowed. The pain you had endured was worth it when you looked at your son who held the perfect balance of Aemond and you in his features. You would go through it all again in an instant.
A shadow pulled you away from Gaelyn’s violet eyes that were fluttering shut as he filled his little tummy to the brim and you found Aemond watching from the doorway with a towel slung low across his hips. “Don’t look at me that way, my love.”
It was hard not to when the drops of water running down the planes of his chest caught the light of the candles and reflected dozens of tiny flames, he looked like a god of fire. Longing grew in you with each passing second and you could not tear your eyes away from him. It had been months since you were intimate together but the trauma of Gaelyn’s birth and the tearing had left you fearful of trying to initiate sex.
Aemond, being a sweet supportive husband, waited patiently. He would not pressure you but you could see an equal longing in his eyes and beneath the towel.
He made to step forward and you held your hand up. He froze and a look of dejection crossed his face that sent a pang of hurt in your chest.
“Korolyn,” you called and the handmaid stepped into the tent with a curtsy. You held the sleeping Gaelyn out to her and she crossed the room to take your precious son for his nap only to stop as Aemond said something to her. You watched him follow so that he could press a gentle kiss to the tufts of white hair that peeked out of his bonnet before sending the maid on her way.
“I shall let you have your rest,” Aemond said as he tracked your steps over to the pallet bed that was hardly comfortable to sleep on in the wilderness.
You shook your head and patted the empty space beside you before continuing to unlace the bodice of your dress. Aemond’s throat bounced with the thick swallow he took and his chest rose with a deep breath. “Are you sure?”
Your hands shook with your response. I want to try.
Aemond’s eye darkened as the pupil erased the pale blue of his iris and the towel was discarded with his long strides he took to erase the distance between you. Your chest swelled with the deep breath you took at the sight of his naked body in all its glory, especially the size of cock as it swelled even larger with the invitation.
A slight tremor shivered through you and not all of it was in anticipation. Aemond was huge, and the grand maester had repaired the tears in your skin with stitches that had been pulled tight.
“I will be gentle, my love,” Aemond said he saw both the apprehension and the bravery in your eyes. “We can stop at any point, just tap my shoulder.”
You relaxed back into the bedding as his large hands began to massage their way up your legs. The tension in your body was evaporating with each press of his thumb along your muscles and soon you were exhaling deeply with contentment.
Aemond’s eye darted up to you when he reached your thighs and your sharp intake brought a smile of pride to his face before lowering himself onto his stomach so he could trail his hands with soft kisses. You could feel his lips moving against your skin but they were hidden between your legs and you were left to daydream of what he could say.
Your husband shifted closer and you felt his breath on the sensitive skin where you needed him most before it was his tongue. The wicked kiss sent fire streaking across your skin and your back arched off the bed as his tongue lashed through your folds and over your clit. The pleasure mounted when he eased one finger in, gently preparing you for a second, before curling them over the spot that had you seeing stars.
“Aemond,” you called, a plea for more. But your voice had the opposite effect and he broke away to look up in wonder. Your throat rumbled at the loss of his touch and your fingers laced into the damp strands of his hair to guide him back where he was. “Please.”
His eye narrowed with determination and he buried himself back between your legs to ravish you like a starving man. Perhaps he had been starved of your touch while your body recovered. On the heels of that thought came with a touch of guilt that ebbed away the pleasure that had been building.
A wave of frustration built where the climax had been and with each passing moment the bliss grew further from reach.
Aemond’s ministrations slowed as he felt the tension in your body once again and his eyebrows drew together in confusion as tears welled in your eyes. “Did I hurt you?” You shook your head but it dislodged the tears and he sat up to gather your shaking form in his arms.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. You weren’t sure he would be able to understand the signs with how badly your hands were shaking.
“There is nothing wrong with you,” Aemond assured you as he tipped your chin back to talk to you.
“I want you,” you said aloud. You have waited so long.
“I waited my whole life for you, Y/N. I can wait until you are ready, no matter how long.”
I am ready, in here, you pointed to your heart before your shoulders slumped. But I can’t stop, you tapped your temple as you realised you hadn’t made a sign for it yet.
“Thinking?” Aemond offered at the perplexion on your face and you nodded. “What are you thinking about?”
You swept your hands in front of you, opening them palm up. Everything.
You looked at the carved horse on the floor, a present Aemond had bought for Gaelyn. I fear I am a bad mother, and a terrible wife who cannot perform her duty to her husband.
“You are neither of those things,” he disputed and he laid you back on the bed and hovered over your body. “The only duty we have is to uphold the sacred vows we promised. To love and cherish each other, even when our souls are no longer earthly bound.”
Your mood was a pendulum swinging wildly as your confession and his sweet words eased the lingering guilt and instead sent desire flooding through you.
You followed your instinct and shifted in his embrace to straddle him, lacing your fingers in his hair so you could pull him closer and show him how much his words affected you with a searing kiss. Slowly, your hips began to rock against him, rolling the head of cock through your folds, testing your body with each stroke that dipped deeper within you.
Aemond’s head fell back, lips parted and eye fluttering shut as you lowered yourself down his length and stilled as you adjusted to his size like it was the first time laying with him all over again.
His lips moved as his hands landed on your hips and his fingers dug in but the only word you caught was, ‘tight’.
Your confidence grew when his hands roamed your changed body, his palms cupping your breasts that had swelled with milk before dancing preciously over the stretch marks he had kissed as they appeared during those last months of pregnancy.
The fear and guilt seemed silly in hindsight. This was Aemond, your devoted husband. His love was neither finite nor conditional.
“I love you,” you said as an apology, as an oath and as a reminder before giving you both the pleasure that was long overdue.
You pushed Aemond onto his back and planted your hands on his chest as you rode him until your heart tried to escape your chest and your legs quaked around his hips. Stars danced in your vision before you were caged in strong arms and Aemond rolled with you in his embrace.
The air rushed from your lungs at the change in position and you felt him reach a new depth with each thrust. Your nails raked his back as you gripped him tightly and rocked wantonly against him, meeting each of his thrusts with your own in desperate need of more.
Aemond’s smirk grew as he licked his thumb with a long lash of his wet tongue before reaching between your bodies and pressing the pad to your clit. Darkness overcame you when you clenched your eyes shut and erupted at the circles he danced around the bundle of nerves.
You forced your eyes to open when you felt Aemond’s rhythm falter and his lips pressed in a tight line as he lost himself to the nirvana he found with your release.
The reassuring weight of his spent body draped over yours had been sorely missed and you enclosed him in your arms to bask in the moment while it lasted. All too soon he rolled off to he curl up behind you, his muscles more relaxed than you had seen them in months. He released more than just his seed when he came but the stresses you hadn’t known he was grappling with too.
Maelor’s celebration was in full swing as the rest of the hunting party returned and the camp took a lively turn. Musicians played flutes and lyres in the corner of the royal tent and you smiled as your niece and nephews danced together in the centre of the room.
Your smile only brightened as you spotted Gaelyn in Alicent’s arms, gently swaying him with the same timed movements of the other dancers.
“He woke not long ago,” Alicent said when you reached her. Her eyes followed the curve of Aemond’s arm around your waist and smiled to herself. “I thought you would appreciate the alone time.”
“Thank you,” you said as you dipped your head, unable to face your mother-in-law and the knowing look in her eyes.
Aemond had no qualms about it as he kissed her cheek and said his own thank you before taking Gaelyn into his own arms.
A few of the lords snickered and stared as Aemond spoke to Gaelyn while gently rocking him but your husband ignored them all, too caught up in the story of his hunt to care what others thought. Aemond had continually surprised you with how involved he had been with Gaelyn’s care, waking up in the night to comfort him and changing his messy diapers. From what the married maids had said, fathers tended to avoid their children until they could engage in conversation or ale.
Warm fingers delicately tapped your shoulder, stealing your attention away from the boys, and you were already smiling as you turned to greet your sister-in-law.
Helaena grew more beautiful with each passing season and the golden threaded dress she wore matched the strands of gold woven into the braids in her hair. “Dance with me, sister,” she said as she took your hands and began to drag you towards her children. Your feet refused to move as your arms moved away from you but with a strong tug that surprised you, you stumbled forward.
If it were anyone other than the Queen, the dance would have been deemed inappropriate as she placed a hand on your waist and tapped to the tempo for you to follow. You took some tentative steps, that you had seen done at countless feasts, before daring to look up and over Helaena’s shoulder to see the pride radiating from your husband.
“My turn, dear sister,” Aemond interrupted, taking her hand off your waist to replace it with his own. “I assume she has been giving you lessons once more?”
It was difficult to concentrate as his hand tapped the beat while it slowly slipped down to your waist to your hip and you stumbled losing count of your steps. He offered an apologetic smile as he lifted his hand back up but the darker look in his eye told you he knew exactly the effect he had on you.
Aemond’s fingers came to rest as the dance came to an end and he raised your hand to his lips to kiss the ring that rested on your finger, a small dragon engraved on the ridge of the band.
“You never cease to amaze me, my love.” Aemond laced his fingers with yours and led the way back to his mother who was cradling Gaelyn once again. You could see he was speaking to her but from his side it was hard to make out what they were discussing, but she nodded with whatever it was he asked.
“Let’s go,” he said as he made for the tent flaps.
“Where?” Aemond pulled you out into the open air where night had set in and the stars illuminated the sky with their shimmering winks. Walking backwards, he graced you with a smile that flipped your stomach. “For a ride.”
Aemond loved gliding on Vhagar’s back, he said he enjoyed the silence of the skies. The very thing that you had too much of was what he craved. The irony was not lost on you.
It had been many months since you had flown with Aemond. No matter how he tried to assure you it was safe to fly while pregnant you could not bring yourself to make the long climb up Vhagar’s netting to the saddle. But you had missed it.
There was something very intimate about sitting in the saddle with Aemond pressed to your back as he held the reins around your waist. Reading lips was difficult without twisting around so you just trusted that Aemond would keep you safe without having to communicate. It was an experience you could never share with anyone else, or ever want to.
Vhagar flew above the tree tops, climbing higher and higher into the night until you felt like you could reach out and touch the stars around you. It was peaceful despite the frigid air that invaded the layers of your dress and the cloak Aemond had draped over your shoulders before commanding his dragon to the skies.
It was almost like the wind blew away all the intrusive thoughts that had settled like cobwebs in your head.
Leaning back, you cosied into Aemond’s arms and rested your head on his shoulder while you admired his profile. His eye reflected the stars when he looked down at you and the length of his jawline softened when his lips curled up into a carefree smile that warmed your insides.
If only the moon were full, then you would have been able to find an empty page in your book and draw the milky light as it hit Aemond. Unfortunately you just had to rely on the memory of the picturesque sight and recall it again when you had candlelight.
All too soon Aemond pulled at the reins and Vhagar began to bank into a turn, setting her course for the campfires in the distance and the other dragons in the rolling fields. The fresh air had been as healing as the physical reunion with Aemond and you knew that going back to the Red Keep in the morning would be with a new sense of self, one that felt lighter and freer that the one that had left.
“Thank you,” you said after your shoes touched soil and Aemond released the grip on your waist from helping you off the last step in the netting. “I needed that.”
“You never have to thank me,” he reminded you for the umpteenth time before offering his elbow for the short walk back to camp. “Shall we?”
You winced as you remembered that it had been early evening when Gaelyn’s last fed and the thought left your breasts aching with their fullness. Slipping an arm through the crook of his, you nodded and used your free hand to massage the hard lumps through the bodice of the dress.
Aemond didn’t have to say one word but you saw the thought cross his mind and wagged a finger at him. “Not yours.”
A playful pout curved his lips down before he placed his palm over his chest arguing the fact they belonged to him. The argument continued all the way to the royal tent where Gaelyn awaited.
As if scenting his nourishment was arriving, your son began to fuss from across the room and his tiny fingers began to grab anything he could. Alicent’s lips parted with surprise or pain when Gaelyn found her long dark tresses and tangled his hand in them with a tug.
Aemond helped to untangle the mess as he apologised to his mother who waved it off with a reminder that her firstborn had been much the same - followed by a pointed look in King Aegon’s direction.
“Goodnight, my darling,” Alicent said before kissing your cheek. “It is delightful to see you looking refreshed.” She noticed your smile fade and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Being a mother is the hardest job there is, but you are doing wonderfully, my dear.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat and threw your arms around the woman who had become more of a mother to you than your birth one was. Alicent returned the embrace just as strongly before pulling away and nodding in Aemond’s direction where he grappled to hold his son who wriggled more than an eel to reach for you.
“I don’t speak babe but I think he wants his supper,” Aemond said with a wry smile before his eye patch was stolen and tossed away. “That was uncalled for, my sweet boy.”
You picked up the patch and shoved it into your pocket before taking Gaelyn from Aemond, smirking as he instantly settled in your arms for the quick journey to your private tent. Your babe could hardly wait for you to bare your breast for him and an overeager latch caught your skin with a flash of pain before you could get him onto the nipple.
The relief of the weight in your breasts lessening was heaven and you knew you made a sound of satisfaction when Aemond’s head darted your way from where he turned down the bed. Needing to remind you, he pointed his finger at your breasts before placing his palm on his chest, reigniting his argument. Those are mine.
Taglist: @arcielee , @sheetalkalkhandey , @hydrationqueensworld , @matt-murdick , @avis15 , @caught-in-the-afterglow
#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen x y/n#aemond targaryen x you#aemond x reader#aemond x y/n#aemond x you#aemond smut#deaf!reader#house of the dragon imagine#aemond imagine#aemond fanfiction#hotd fanfic
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What Can Passing the hEDS Criteria Look Like?
To pass you must meet the requirements of all 3 criteria sections. This is what my assessment looks like for reference! Reblog to help spread awareness.
Criteria 1: 8/4-9
First is testing for hypermobility. Most often used is the Beighton Score (which isn't perfect). The Beighton Score is a quick method to test for hypermobility. You must score 4-6+ out of 9 depending on your age.
1. Each pinky finger you can bend 90+ degrees backwards gives you one point.
2. You can also gain a point for each thumb that can touch the inside of your forearm like this.
3. Each elbow that hyperextends beyond 10 degrees gives you a point.
4. Each knee that hyperextends beyond 10 degrees gives you a point.
5. And if you can place your palms flat on the grounds without bending your knees you can gain one point. (this is the only one I can't do)
Criteria 2: 2/2-3
Feature A: 5/5-12
Feature A looks at certain indicators of a connective tissue disorder. You have to have 5 or more out of the 12 listed to pass.
1. Unusually soft skin. Every EKG I've had, the cardiologist had been unable to keep the stickers on me because of how soft my skin is.
2. Unusual or unexplained stretch marks. These stretch marks are unexplained because they appeared before puberty.
3. Arachnodactaly by a positive thumb sign. This means both hands, when I make a fist, the entire nail of my thumb extends past the edge of my palm.
4. Mildly stretchy skin. This is most prominent on my biceps, neck, and collarbone.
5. At least 2 sites with atrophic scarring. Here are the major scars that qualified in my assessment. Though I have tons of these all over my body from various nicks and cuts.
Feature C: 3/1-3
Feature C assess if you have problematic or painful chronic symptoms.
1. Musculoskeletal pain daily for 3+ months in 1+ limbs
2. Widespread pain for 3+ months
3. Recurrent joint dislocations/instability in the absence of trauma
Criteria 3: 3/3
Because hEDS is diagnosed based on exam and exclusion, it's important that there is no other explanation for the symptoms. This means you must pass all three of these requirements.
1. No unusual skin fragility (could be Classical EDS)
2. No other heritable or acquired connective tissue disorders that could explain symptoms.
3. No other diagnosis that include hypermobility like other forms of EDS, Marfan Syndrome, etc
Some other things that factored into my diagnosis:
Diagnosed Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome
Mast Cell Activation Syndrome symptoms
Chronic digestive dysfunctions and issues
Very easy bruising
Very flat feet
Daily partial dislocations of hips/shoulders and multiple rib dislocations
Extreme and chronic fatigue
Very high tolerance to general anesthesia
Odd reactions to medications
Life long sleep disturbances
Very slow wound healing
#heds#hypermobile ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos#ehlers danlos syndrome#ehlers danlos awareness#hypermobility#joint hypermobility#ehlers danlos zebra#chronically ill#chronic illness#connective tissue disorder#disabled#physically disabled#actually disabled#diagnosis#diagnosis journey#disability awareness#chronic illness awareness#cripple punk#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#spoonie#chronically suffering
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Been quietly rereading your posts about subluxation of joints and I'm pretty sure that's what my hip keeps doing and why I have several weeks of not being able to walk. I know I'm hypermobile but I never thought about EDS until now (my partner has it bad, and I feel like I'm appropriating for even considering that I might have it) but usually subluxation and hypermobility are signs aren't they?
They can be yes— and just because someone else has it bad, doesn’t mean you need to suffer more to have your problems acknowledged.
Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder and EDS are just that, spectrum disorders.
Some of us might be constantly dislocating joints while someone else might be so stiff from protective muscle splinting (common in hEDS and HSD) that they rarely dislocate anything but their pain is still significant because of the toll it takes on the body.
Others might have stretchy skin (I don’t) while someone else might have problems with their internal organs instead (I do.) Some develop mast cell instability, while others remain totally fine in that regard.
The fact that you cannot walk for several weeks at a time is not mild. That is actually a severe problem. No able bodied person would put up with that and think “oh but X has it worse so I don’t want to appropriate their disability from them.”
They’d be in the ER screaming about suddenly not being able to walk.
The good news is that targeted physical therapy that focuses on joint stability really can help. I know far too many doctors who don’t see the point in diagnosis because there’s no cure, but you can improve your quality of life with PT and pain management.
Good luck. I wish you well.
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Hello everyone,
I found an interesting article that talks about posture and gait in people who have ASD. According to this article:
Proper alignment of bones and joints is essential for stabilizing body motion during standing and walking. People with ASD have a reduced perception of their body movement or shift relative to their own postural orientation and equilibrium. At the clinic we often hear of issues such as fatigue, awkwardness, clumsiness and instability of their foot, ankle and hip joints.
When we assess people with ASD at our P&O clinic (“P” for Prosthetics and “O” for Orthotics) it becomes clear that foot and ankle issues are interrelated, both affecting and being affected by overall body posture. Some patients exhibit a decrease in dynamic control of posture in standing, walking and, at times, even in sitting.
They go over the following characteristics:
Toe walking
Leg length discrepancy, which causes the individual to frequently lean on one foot
Disrupted and collapsed foot structure
Kyphosis (a curved spine), collapsed chest, dropped shoulders and even scoliosis
The full article will be below for those who want to read through it:
Autism and Gait
#autism#actually autistic#autism & gait#autism information#autism study#posture and gait characteristics#feel free to share/reblog#if you’re neurodivergent feel free to reblog
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Cheater : Jason Todd x fem!reader
Here's what you have been waiting for....
Warnigs: smut - MINORS DNI, cheating (duh), heavy swearing, threats, fight, hearbreak, no happy ending.
***
“Hello, baby” his silent whisper and hot breath on her face made her feel at home in his arms.
“Mmm, hello” she muttered, turning around to take him in. For someone so bruised and tired, coming straight from the patrol, Jason was surprisingly breathtaking. “Sore much?” the girl planted a chaste kiss on his lips, but he grabbed her waist and made her stay connected a bit longer, moving hands under her sleeping T-shirt in circular motions “Jason!” she scoffed when he switched positions to that she was pinned beneath him, forced to look straight into his eyes, not that she was complaining.
“Not more than usual” he smirked “And I think I still got some power in me if you are up for a bit of work.”
“Keep talking.” She titled her head, giving him more access to her skin. An opportunity he was more than willing to take.
“The things I want to do to you, baby….” He trailed kissing her skin, leaving scorching trails of his mouth alongside. “is not how a good girl should behave.”
“I am dating a vigilante, I suppose I lost the “good girl” title a long time ago and …. Ah, Jace!”
„Feel good already?” she didn’t even blink and her shirt was off, exposed nipples and breasts begging for his attention.
“More….”
“Oh, I have much more for you. Just let me work on you, baby.” He kissed both of those little rose buds eliciting another moan, back arching to get closer to him, hands tangling in his hair and guiding his head lower. He laughed at her willingness and pulled her pants down, exposing her to him fully.
“No underwear?”
“Who in their sound mind sleep in underwear?” she gritted
“I see I’ve taught you well, love. Always be prepared.”
“Shut up and just….”
“What?” he moved down and started kissing along her calf and inner thigh “do you need my tongue or fingers, sugar? You want to be a bad girl? You gotta tell me exactly how you want me to take you.”
“Oh, fuck, Jace…” he was kissing so close to where she needed him and it was getting so hot she could barely withstand it, and yet craved more “I need your dick. Now.”
“As you wish.”
It was amazing how fast he was with tearing his own clothes off, getting naked and ready as he put his weight on her. Such a sweet, sweet weight, pressing her into the mattress of the bed.
“Jason....”
“I’m going in” he panted pushing through her walls and starting pulling in and out immediately “you good there?”
“Yes, yes, yes….” She chanted like some spell, clutching onto his bicep and shoulders, running fingernails on his muscles, whining and begging ‘So good…. “
“Are you close? He asked, even if her face twisted in pleasure, slightly open lips and those whines told him everything he needed to know. The fact was, seeing her like this was definitely doing things to him and he wasn’t sure how long he could last. He grabbed her legs hooking them around his waist, changing the angle, going deeper, stretching her, hitting just the right place, everytime. “Come on, baby.” Words followed by nibbling on the soft spot on her neck ‘you make me feel so good. Just let yourself go, let me feel you on my cock. “ his soft whispers were the exact opposite of the speed and force with which he was snapping his hips into her. “Come on, babygirl.”
“Jason!” all that overstimulation pushed her into her climax with the intensity like never before. His name falling from her lips got him mesmerized when he rocked her thought it while fighting the overwhelming urge to just cum inside her. To paint her walls with his seed, to fully make her his.
But they talked about it many times before, none of them were ready for kids. Not with their vigilante lifestyle, crazy characters and emotional instability so barely second before explosion he pulled out, messing up the sheet instead of her body.
“One day I will claim you fully, baby” he panted, capturing her lips and kissing so gently so lovingly that if she wasn’t already spend she would initiate another round. “You are just perfect.”
“You’re not so bad yourself, Jaybird.”
***
“Making me breakfast?” a few hours later, in the early morning, Y/N woke up from the little nap she had and came right into the kitchen, lured by the delicious smell. “Eggs?”
“Nah, I know you don’t like eating them 6 times a week. I made you pancakes instead.”
“Really?” she crossed the floor to kiss him “why so generous all of a sudden? What did you do, Jason?" she raised an eyebrow and smiled at him lovingly.
“What I can say? I like to spoil my girl. And if that gets me another kiss of yours ….”
“I’ll say my thanks after I taste ….”
“How about I give you a taste of something better?” he muttered moving closer to her, whispering in her ear, but she just laughed and took a step back.
“Take it easy tiger. If you think I can’t see all those bruises and cuts of yours, you are wrong. Can’t let you overexercise yourself. Besides, do you remember that we were invited by Babs and Dick for a game night?”
“Exactly. Night.” he rolled his eyes “And that means we have a whole day for ourselves and ….”
“And once we start we won’t ever stop going. So I need to halt you on getting your hands on me. At least for today. “ she smirked “Now. Give me my breakfast and go take a shower, cause baby, I hate to break it to you, but you stink.”
“Stink?” he scoffed “I smell like an alpha male. Don’t tell me it doesn’t turn you on..” he flexed his muscles, showing off.
“Oh, hell no! Now please stop showing your armpits!” she squealed and covered her nose “GO!” her happy laugh followed him on the way to the bathroom.
***
Jason todd was a skilled, careful vigilante and a perfectionist with a well-thought plan. He used to keep his walls up for so long, until on one of the patrols he met Y/N, who tear them all down. She was making him happy and loved and, however crazy that sounded, safe. He was not afraid to be open with her.
And this was about to become his undoing.
While he was absentmindedly showering, his phone left on the kitchen counter started buzzing from all the texts and notifications.
***
Y/N was the person who never stuck her nose into anyone else business, respecting boundaries and privacy. A few years spend with Jay only amplified that trait of hers since she never pushed him to do anything he would not like, be it physical or emotional vulnerability. So why did she feel the sudden urge, the tingling to sneak a peek at Jason’s phone screen? Was it an instinct? Was that just a curiosity? She wasn’t sure, but what she saw froze her to the core.
And much to her embarrassment it got her digging deeper.
***
She kept the pose for the rest of the day, acting like her normal self, hiding her feelings deep inside and giving her boyfriend an opportunity to come clean.
He didn’t.
And so they left for meeting with the other bats and co. in perfect moods.
Or at least it seemed so.
***
The atmosphere started rolling downhill the second the girls started playing that silly game with silly cards with silly questions.
"Would you ever be able to forgive your boyfriend for cheating?" Babs picked up the first card from the pile and turned towards Y/N.
"I'm sorry, what is this game about again?" the girl frowned, heat and pain forming in her chest.
"It's simple truth or dare." Stephanie grinned, patting her shoulder reassuringly "don't stress too much."
"Extreme truth or dare I see..."
"Come on, Y/n, answer it. After all it's all hypothetical, right?"
"Mhm, right, it's all hypothetical" Y/N muttered, her eyes travelling to the other side of the room, focusing on Jason, who was just casually talking to Dick, unaware of the fact that she knew. Just leaning on the doorframe, beer in hands, that characteristic smirk on his face. Normally she would smile at the view, thinking how lucky she got, but now, now she wanted to wipe that freaking expression off his face. Preferably with the bleach.
Who would have thought that a night game with friends that was supposed to be fun would turn out like this.
“Please remind me whose idea it was to play it again?” she scoffed crossing her arms defensively, body language not lying. The hell she was going to answer that question.
“It was mine!”Dick grinned from the other side of the room, approaching the girls and sting by Barbara, Jason following right after him taking a spot next to Y/N. “You ladies are having fun?”
“Not really” Stephanie pouted “Y/N is a party pooper.”
“Really?” Jason smirked, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her temple, almost making her mop it down “What did she do this time?”
“She refused to answer the question” Cass explained in her soft voice “Maybe we shouldn’t….” Orphan was the most skilled in reading body language and if anyone was to start suspecting something it was definitely her.
“What was it?” Dick reached toward the card and read the sentence out loud “Would you ever be able to forgive your boyfriend for cheating. Oh my god!” he laughed looking at his younger brother “I think someone’s in trouble here, Jaybird.”
That was the breaking point for Y/N. She simply could not take it anymore.
“If you’ll excuse me…” she stood up an without another word of explanation run towards the bathroom. Her surprised friends watched her escape and then their shocked and accusatory gazes landed on Jason.
“All right, fine, stop it! I’ll go check on her! Geez!” he scoffed getting up, becoming worried and scared for her on the inside.
***
“Y/N?” he came into the spacious bathroom, spotting the girl in front of the mirror with fingers clenched on the sink, head hanging low and breathing heavily. “Baby?”
“Don’t you dare calling me that!” she yelled turning around “you asshole!”
“Y/n? hey, what…” only by miracle he dodged the hairbrush flying his direction.
“You stupid son of a bitch!”
“I don’t under….”
“You slept with her!”
“What?” his eyes grew wide. Oh, fuck.
“You slept with her and then you came back to me to make me fucking pancakes!?”
“Y/n…..”
“Shut the fuck up!”
“Please let me explain….” He took a step forward, but she moved out of his reach, wriggling like a caged animal.
“Oh no, you.I swear if you take one more step towards me I will throw a razor at you!"
"You really do have to make a scene at Dickhead's place, do you?" he hissed, his eyes turning black from restrained anger.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my behavior is gonna make you look bad in front of our friends. Maybe I should even apologize for being the reason you cheated!"
"Stop fucking screaming at me! You could have just waited till we get home!"
"Be thankful I did not, Jason. I swear Dick, Babs, Cass and Steph presence outside is the only thing keeping me from castrating you!"
"Shut up!" he yelled and took a step forward, pushing her into a wall and covering her mouth "AUCH! Fuck, did you just bit me?!"
"I will cut your fingers off if you touch me again!"she reached for the manicure scissors and put them in front of herself in a defensive manner "and from what I get, you like when the girl is loud, don't you?Her moans on that recording she sent you are pretty much the proof of it.”
“Her what now?!”
“Ah, Jason. More, please, you feel so good” Y/n whined, trying to copy the way the other girl sounded and fuck, she was so hot at that moment with her eyes widened in fury, hair messed up becasue of the fight and lips red and swollen. It was the worst timing ever, but Jason found himself getting harder. “WHO EVEN DOES THAT? Was this some sort of your twisted sexual fantasy?! Did it turn you on?!"
"IT DID! The same way it did with you under me and ..."
"You fuck head!” she threw the scissors away and started hitting his chest with her fist, again and again and again.
“If you could just listen to me!"
"Of course, do you have any recording of yourself you send to her?! Whispering her name while you were jacking off?! Probably in our bed!? Probably with me next door or ....." she stopped, her eyes grew even wider, if that was even possible "Oh my god...." she turned away towards the sink, grabbing her stomach, trying to catch her breath like a fish out of water "I'm gonna be sick....."
"Fuck, Listen to me! It did not mean anything! ”
“It means everything for me!” she sobbed, all the anger slowly being replaced by feeling of betrayal and only now he realized how bad he fucked up “you wanted to wait till we get intimate, and fuck I gave both space and time, never pushing on your boundaries! FUCK JASON! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
“You do realize that the rest can hear us, right?”
“I DON’T FUCKING CARE! IN FACT, LET THEM KNOW! Let them know what their friend/brother did. How many times did that happen?”
“Don’t ….” He shook his head avoiding her eyes
“How. Many. Times. Jason. Do not make me repeat myself!”
“Just a couple.”
“JUST a couple?!” she screamed, but it was the final straw. Her brain shut down, unable to process all that revelation. All the energy left her system and he was just standing in the middle of the bathroom, completely quiet staring into the space gazeless.
“I made a mistake. I’m sorry.” he pleaded, taking her by surprise, grabbing her hand. She did not react at first and he took the chance to kiss her on the lips, but that actually did bring her back to reality when she pushed him away, harder and stronger than ever before.
“You motherfucker! You wanted to beat your brother in the numbers or what?"
"Now you are bringing Grayson into this?! He's a dog! And you'd better not cross the line of comparing him to me!"
"You're right" she smiled wildly, mockingly "you two are nothing alike. you wanna know why? Because once he settled with Babs he let go of that manwhore attitude. Apparently it worked the other way round for you, you ....."
She did not manage to finish that sentence because of the harsh grip on her throat.
"LET GO OF ME!"
***
"Ok, that is enough." Dick spoke since obviously everyone heard that banter not sure if they should react or not. Jason and Y/N never thought before and now, with the hot-headedness they both had it was weird, disturbing and uncomfortable. "We gotta do something."
"If you value your life, you'd better stay here and ...." Steph started but was cut of by a loud thump and Y/N's muffled scream
"That's it, I'm going in!" he tried to open the door, but it turned out Jason was smart (or stupid, depending on the interpretation) enough to lock them "Y/n?" Dick knocked at the wood fervently "are you all right there?! Say something."
'I'm... I'm fine Dick. Go back to girls, we just need to settle something with Jason"
"It does not sound like ....."
"Just mind your own business, Dickhead!" Jason yelled
***
"God, Y/n, I'm sorry" Todd looked at his hands, startled. He could have chocked her. Just because of his anger. "Please, I...."
Was she better than me?” Y/N asked, massaging her throat where re marks were to start bruising soon. Tears gathering in her eyes. How many times can a broken heart break? Was million pieces not enough?
“What?”
“Was she better? Giving you an oral? Letting you fuck her in all those crazy positions I never could? Making you cum faster, harder? Making you feel like a man?”
“No. Of course not. It’s only you and …..”
“Then why, Jason?” her voice was so broken it made his heart shutter. God, what the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t even blame it on Lazarus water or the post-patrol blurry mind and adrenaline. No, it was fully his fault. His responsibility. She trusted him and he broke her into pieces he wasn’t sure he could pick up together again. But he had to try. He just had to try.
“I… I don’t know.” he looked at the floor, felling wetness in his eyes as well.
“Were you bored with me? Was I too much to handle? If you wanted a sex toy ….”
“Please, don’t say that.” He begged falling onto his knees next to her and hugging her legs, to which she surprisingly did not object. “Please, there’s gotta be something I can do to make it up to you…. I’ll do anything, just please, forgive me. Just one more chance.”
“Do you want to know what answer I would give for that question back there?” she was unimpressed by those theatrics he was pulling. Of course Y/N knew he was true in his words, that he was sorry. She only wondered whether it was because he cheated or because his secret found the way into daylight.
“No, baby, please don’t leave me. Not again, I …..” a single tear fell from his eye at the mere of thought of losing her.
“Oh, but you won’t be alone. You got your, wait what was the nickname in your phone? Oh, right, sugarbaby. God I was so stupid for trusting you! Nevermind. Now, you’ll be able to hear her scream your name and writhe underneath you without having any strings attached....
"No, baby, don't throw what we have away."
"We have nothing. Not anymore." her tone was so cold it could freeze the ocean "I despise you, Jason Todd.”
She walked right past through him, leaving him on the cold floor. Sooner or later he would have to get up and get out, dealing with judging looks and harsh words. And maybe some physical fight with Dick. But for now, he could not move a single muscle, just leaning on the bath and hiding his face in hands. She was right, he was a complete fuckup.
***
"Jason called again." Babs announced approaching the coach, Y/N was sitting on. Cass and Steph respectively on her left and right side hugging their friend. The girls jointly decided it would be better for Y/N to stay in their apartment for some time since Jason wouldn't dare invading her here.
"What did you tell him?" Y/N sighed, laying her red swollen eyes on the red head.
"The same thing as I did the previous 50 times he called. To fuck off and leave you alone. You sure you don't want Dick to...."
"No, I don't. This would turn into a bloodbath. I am heartbroken but it doesn't mean I want to have any death on my conscience."
"Dick would be more than happy to have that. He is enraged on your behalf. You know what he said to me after learning what happened?
"No. What?"
"Y/N is a genuinely nice person. She will forget at forgive after some time. But I'm her friend. I get to hold the grudge for her and protect her."
"He did say that?"
"Yes." Babs nodded "And I think I speak for all of us when I say that we second that approach." Cass and Steph nodded
“I know it does not seem like it now, but you’re gonna be fine” Steph assured, rubbing Y/N's shoulders
“I know.” the girl sobbed “it just hurts so bad.”
“Jason is a ….” Steph started but before she could find a proper word Cass interrupted her
“We’re for you, Y/n. whatever you need, you can count on us.”
“Thank you girls.”
“Ice cream, anyone?” Steph grinned
“A bucket please. And the good ones ,not those low fat, low carb shit. If I'm gonna get comfort food might as well indulge myself.
No matter what, she was going to be fine .
@cherryinsalemverse @gone-batty-fics @justafanficsreader @arfrona @parkjammys @thatweirdwitchnextdoor
#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd angst#jason todd imagine#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x fem!reader#jason todd x oc#jason todd x you#jason todd x y/n#red hood fanfiction#red hood imagine#red hood angst#red hood x reader#red hood x fem!reader#red hood#red hood x y/n#batboys x reader#angst#dc angst#jason todd smut#red hood smut#nightwing#dick grayson#barbara gordon#stephanie brown#cassandra cain
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Haunted Anguish
Credit: @a7estrellas
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Length: 15.3k
Warnings: Angst/hurt comfort, trauma related mental instability, mentions of blood, accidental self harm, nightmares and sleep paralysis, smut, outdoor smut, p in v, sex as a coping mechanism
Notes: Ptsd is not mentioned by name or diagnoses, but presentation of symptoms is a theme throughout the fic. Direct follow up to Past Retribution but can be read as a standalone.
The week after the bite, you knew you were losing yourself, and you weren’t stupid enough to think Joel hadn’t picked up on it. But you struggled to stop any of it. The metallic flick was the only thing you could focus on. Not the sounds of people walking around, not the conversations that passed you by, not even the quiet shuffling of the horses mere feet from you.
It was hard to pinpoint this feeling that had been growing for days. It wasn’t like your brain was lost in a fog, the total opposite. It felt like you walked through a world that blurred around you. Mute and numb to your existence despite the truth being otherwise. There was a growing heaviness in your chest that each day filled just a bit more with a disgusting guilt and the past 2 days your hands kept pulling out the lighter as if it possessed you to do so.
Maybe if Joel hadn’t grabbed it would this feeling disappear? He had seen what you had done, what you had tried to do, he must had assumed it belonged to you, and now it sat in your pocket at almost all times screaming at you along with the bite that loomed over it all.
You wanted to blame him because it was an easy out, an excuse as to why you carried a burden with you. But it wasn’t Joel’s fault and you knew that, and the lighter wasn’t the problem. It was the memories it held from that day that haunted you, and those weren’t so easily gotten rid of.
There was a small wooden bench pressed up against the corner maroon coloured wall, a small square room protruding from the edge where supplies could be stored allowing you to sit with your back against it and legs stretched out, one knee bent up where your arm rested on. You had been there for quite a while, your tasks for the day long completed yet you sat there.
On and off you occasionally flicked the lighter so the flame appeared, and you felt lost in it, the heat ever so slightly trying to burn your fingers the longer you let it stay lit. The muffled world simmered down to a silence before a clang of metal snapped you out of it. The sliding doors felt loud as you could see Joel’s figure make it’s way into the room.
At first he leaned his hand against one of the doors with the other on his hip, the sunlight shining behind him shrouding his features in as slight shadow, but his voice was as clear as can be. “You coming back anytime soon, or do you want me to bring you a sleeping bag?” The grin in his voice was audible and any other time you would have let out some sort of a laugh.
But all you did was watch the flame for a second to long, Joel calling your name in a louder tone until you snapped your head up to him properly, hand slamming the lighter shut. Almost as if you didn’t really hear him you just raised your eyebrow in question.
“I said, are you ready to head home.” Pushing off of the entrance door, Joel took slow steps into the room, eyes narrowed as he looked you over in an expression you couldn’t quite pick up on. “I feel like I’ve barley seen you the past couple days.”
The one arm resting on your knee pressed down onto it harder as your fingers tightened around the lighter while the other dig into the fabric of your pants until you could feel the stinging pressure. You shook your head slightly and swing your legs over to put your feet down. “Sorry, yeah, I’m done for the day.”
“Hey, easy there.” Joel suddenly had you in his hold as he forced you to stand up slower. “The last thing we want is to redo your stitches 3 days in a row.” The sternness of his voice felt like condescension. You were just an inconvenience, needing him to redo them every time you ripped them open carelessly all beacuse you couldn’t reach the angle to stitch yourself back up.
Swiftly you tried to pull your arms from his grasp, not quite meeting his eye. “I got it.”
“Do you?” Joel has stopped your pulling away with a firm hold on your upper arms, body slightly bent to look at you closer. If you didn’t feel the way you did, you would have known Joel’s tone wasn’t what you interpreted it as. To him, it was concern. The first day after he and Ellie brought you home you were fine it seemed, but the next day it was like you suddenly were trapped in a memory and the fact that you barley even registered the pain of ripping your stitches open only made him more assertive in checking on you.
To you though, it felt like scolding. It felt just like the early days of knowing each other, that night when he yelled at you on the porch of his house in the pouring rain. Like a parent doubting a petulant child, the very thing you had previously worried he saw you as.
Your eyes snapped up to him, a flash of not quite anger, but irritation swam in your eyes. “You wanna check?” Knocking one hand off of you, you brazenly lifted one edge of your shirt up to reveal the unsavoury sight of the healing wound in your side. New stitches in tact.
Joel was silent for a beat, and it wasn’t just his tone that you didn’t grasp, it was also the concern plastered all over his face that you read as annoyance. “Good. They look better today.” He went to put a hand on your lower back to lead you out, but found himself hovering over you instead.
His eyes looking to the side at you debating if you’d shake that off as well. Joel could tell what happened out there was boiling something up inside of you, but it was like you were shutting him out entirely day by day. He couldn’t get it out of you to talk to him, but he was also aware not to push you too hard or you’d likely go back to your own place for god knows how long.
Ellie had pointed out that now he knew how annoying being pushed away was. Meant to poke fun at him, but both of them read her tone. She looked for you constantly, always throwing her head back and forth hoping to see you join them or come home and it was hurting her more than she admitted. Joel knew exactly how she felt.
Your arms were crossed tucked protectively against your chest as you made your way home. The crunch of the gravel filling the air between you as the normally comfortable silence now felt stifling. Joel broke it first. “You know you can talk to me right?”
The only response you gave was a nod, and he prompted again. “I just- keeping all that inside can’t be healthy. Trust me, sweetheart I’d know.” Sensing you weren’t at his side, Joel pivoted around to see you looking at him more harsh then he’s used to from you.
“Keeping what inside me, exactly?”
At this point you were near the main street, people all around as you posed an unfair question you knew he couldn’t answer here. “You know what.”
Your face was firm and somewhat impassive. “Do I?”
It wasn’t an anger Joel was feeling, but a frustration that he wasn’t sure how to help you. He wasn’t stupid, this had to do with what happened with Don, probably what happened all those years ago too. And not that he’d admit it, deep down he wondered if any of this had to do with your immunity as well. You had been left to be infected and die twice by the same man, both times you came out the other side alive.
It weighed on Ellie too, but in a different way. She was young, Joel could protect and guide her through those feelings. But you weren’t, and he couldn’t force you too far.
Your name slipped from his lips in warning, but still soft and close to your ear as he stepped into your personal space. “I’m not just going to let you fall down that rabbit hole.” His large hand encompassed your cheek, finally relieved that you didn’t move away form his warm touch. “That’s a place you don’t deserve to be.”
You slid your gaze away from him, the feeling in your gut quickly flying back to guilt. Once again you just nodded in agreement. Raising your hand up to squeeze his wrist in affection with a smile that certainly didn’t make it to your eyes.
But it was something, so you both left for home in relative calm. You weren’t that much more talkative throughout the evening. You could see Joel and Ellie threw you prompts to join the conversation, but answering with a proper sentence wasn’t common. “Just busy is all. Daisy’s just about ready to give birth so I got a lot on my hands.”
Daisy was a particularly stubborn horse that was most attached to you. She gave most people a stink about everything unless it was you, and her ready to give birth only made her more aggressive about shoving anyone but you away. It did take a lot of your time, but all three of you knew it was just an excuse to be alone more often then not. “I can help out with the others if you want to just focus on her?”
The bright hopeful look on Ellie’s face was slightly heartwarming. She clearly was desperate to get closer to you know that you had something incredibly rare in common. So you tilted your head to the side in a little shrug. “Sure, don’t see why not.”
It wasn’t lost on you that finding such a familial bond in Joel, settling somewhere that felt like home has opened her up to you. The very real possibility, that finding a life somewhere so normal and meeting another person just like her, has her yearning for something akin to a family. Not just a father, but did she really deserve to be dragged down your path?
You were slower than them picking at your food, often tapping the fork lightly against the plate as your eyes fell back into this strange feeling so incredibly hard to understand. At one point you could feel Joel’s hand gently caress you as he slid it along your shoulder blade, before coming up to bring the side of your head closer to him. Pressing his lips against your hair me mumbled into you, “We’re gonna talk later, okay?”
Biting the inside of your cheek, you gave back the only affection you could summon. Squeezing the hand on your shoulder and leaning back slightly into his broad frame. He pressed one more smaller kiss into you, “I got you, sweetheart.”
Joel always reminded you of that, but did you have him? Were you good enough to be here, or did your constant mistakes just pull them down? You seemed to keep putting yourself into life threatening situations of your own doing, and you couldn’t help but wonder just how long you should put Joel and Ellie through this.
If you were honest, talking was the last thing you had the energy for especially with a man like Joel Miller, but you made your way into the bedroom anyways.
It was later in the evening when you had said goodnight to Ellie before pausing at Joel’s closed door. Your hand was over the cold metal of the door handle as your rested your forehead against the wood. You couldn’t avoid this one, Joel would just stay awake until you’d try to go to bed. Letting out a shaky breathe, you slowly opened the door just enough to slip inside.
He looked so soft, the dim glow of the room painting the side of his face like a painting. His features so handsome it never failed to pull you into it’s alluring grasp. Dressed in just a soft t-shirt and flannel patterned sweats, he was leaned up against the dresser with his hands braced behind him on the wood.
Gesturing with his chin to where the bathroom sat just outside of the door, “Ellie skipped out today, there should be enough hot water for you to actually enjoy for the whole time.”
Your hands twiddled at your sides, before shaking your head no. Mostly ignoring the side of the room where he stood, you pulled your shirt over your head as the fabric muffled your words. “I’ll just wait until morning. It’s late.” Not really looking at him, you mindlessly grabbed a sweater of his laying on the bed.
Totally missing the fact that Joel had clearly sat it out for you. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you choose an early shower of a night one.” You missed the furrow of his brows as his grasp on the drawer handles tensed more.
You just shrugged. Sitting on the edge of the bed to change into your own sweatpants you now faced his direction but looked at the floor. You could see he had pushed off of the drawer and made his way to your. You didn’t want to be alone with this whirlwind of unknowable emotions anymore today, you just wanted to sleep.
He’d wait up for you if you showered now. You could sneak out tomorrow morning and come back to shower when the house was empty. Besides, if you did now no question Joel would end up leaned against the sink counter. Ready to take care of the hot pressure of the water pouring down onto a wound he knew you weren’t actually trying to take care of.
Joel hovers when he worries, and for the first time you think you hated it.
Crouching down to look up at you, Joel didn’t touch you this time. Just gave you the space. “You can’t just shut me out, not after I almost lost you.” His jaw was clenched but there was a familiar affection in his eyes that shined more sad than romantic.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, I told you what happened that day I wasn’t lying or keeping anything from you.” Your hands tapping against the sheets beside you. “I just want to let it go.”
This time when Joel grabbed you, it was the side of your jaw with his fingers stretched just barley across your cheek. His tug was firm as he forced you to look at him now leaning over you. His face this time, was much closer to the anger you used to think he only ever showed. “Yeah? Well I can’t. You think I can just let go of the fact that I found you unconscious in a pool of your own blood? The fact that there was a fucking trail of it all over the floor, not even sure you were alive?”
You shut your eyes, the watering feeling coming up to the surface of them as you fisted the sheets in your hands. “I’m not asking you to forget-”
His hold on you gave a purposeful shake to open your eyes. “Good, because I’m not about to anytime soon. I’m not about to just get over having to sit there with Ellie, terrified you were going to wake up...but it wouldn’t be you.”
There was upset in his eyes as well, but masked with a desperate anger. It made your guilt feel worse. The guilt flooding you with shame and reminding you how inadequate you had become. How useless you’d soon be to them, and you were terrified of what you’d do if, or when, he kicked you out of Jackson, out of his life. You felt small as you just whispered out, “I’m sorry.”
His forehead rested against yours, his other hand on your side just hoping you’d touch him back. “Don’t be sorry, just stop pretending I’m not here for you, because I’m never going to stop caring about you so goddamn much. Alright?” His thumbs ran comfortingly over your skin, leaving a starch warmth in their path.
You nodded, fists still clutching the sheets. It always came around to not feeling good enough for him, but now you hated yourself for making him waste this fierce protectiveness on someone who didn’t deserve it. Joel’s hands slipped from your face to plant themselves next to yours. Part of you yearned for his touch back, but the other part wanted to get away from him entirely.
Your heart pounding in your chest, each beat feeling as if it constricted your lungs tighter and tighter. You could hear it in your head, demanding you let the feeling take over but you didn’t want to. Joel had put up with enough of this for one day, why drive him away further.
Whatever Joel found in your eyes, it made him pull back from whatever he was trying to get out of you. Leaning off the bed you felt one hand pull your head in just slightly as he pressed a kiss there, mumbling as he pulled away. “Let’s get you to bed, you need the extra rest.”
You didn’t consider it was referring to how little you were letting your side heal, it to your brain, was him wanting you to sleep off this attitude. So you nodded, and that was the end of that.
Sleep though, brought you a whole other nightmare. Nothing was coherent, it was like your memories were mixed together into one warped event. The burning pain of sharp teeth sinking into you, your arm, your side, the blood that covered you from both. The yelling of what you had done ringing in your ears as a distant sound grew louder and louder behind it.
Once again consumed by terror, it was like flashes of mutated once humans and the clicking that followed. That clicking grew even louder, mixing so harsh with the now indistinguishable yelling that the clicking made you cover your ears but it still consumed you. It yelled into your very head as the agony of the bites felt like it was all over your body, the walls closing in as you were surrounded by the very thing trying to turn you into them.
The only thing that you could see as you sat against the wall was fresh dead. The distant sight of a man draped over his dead wife, and then that very man splayed dead on the floor from your own action. His yells still filling the air and the roaring of the creatures echoed in the air, only to stop suddenly as you lurched awake.
Instantly pushing yourself up against the bed on the palms of your hand, you gasped for air as the sound of blood pumping flowed in your ears. You had been turned away from Joel, almost at the edge of the bed as close to the open air as can be. Briefly you shut your eyes as you worked desperately to taper your frantic breathing silently, the cold air in the room freezing with your sweat covered skin.
Your arms shook with the force it took to hold you up, your jaw clenched so tight you could feel the strain being pulled to it’s limit. You didn’t want to flip over to look at him, you felt too much shame and such sickening guilt you didn’t want to look at anyone. It was too late in the night to slip out of bed.
Joel’s internal clock was atuned to when to be suspicious of sound or movement, he’d wake up and you were not about to explain your painful trembling state. You just lay there once more. Staring out the window you faced at the dark nothingness the angle allowed you to see.
You wondered if you had slipped in and out of sleep without noticing as the sky slowly brightened before your eyes quicker then you expected. You could still hear it, the sounds of your dreams, and all you could think was how little you wanted he or Ellie to see how pathetic you looked.
It was close enough to morning that you knew you could get away without issue. Silently you slinked form the bed and got dressed, barley paying attention to what you were grabbing. As you dropped your shirt over your torso, you looked slightly behind you. Joel’s large frame still peacefully asleep like he deserved to have. You bit the inside of your cheek again, and left, slowly shutting his door behind him.
Luckily the house was still silent. The only stop you made was downing a glass of water before throwing your bag over your shoulder and walking out. That though, did make you stop. Because Ellie was awake and leaning against the railing looking directly at you.
Arms crossed and a hard frown, she wasted no time. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”
Your face tensing as you squinted in the growing sunlight, you really needed to find a pair of sunglasses. You nervously readjusted your grip on your bag and shrugged. “I just have a lot to catch up on after-”
Her voice got louder this time. “After what? Ripping your stitches open twice already?” Ellie’s tone was a bit easier to catch then Joel’s. There was an anger in her voice but it was mixed heavily with a waver of genuine upset. “You should be letting it heal before jumping back like nothing happened.”
Her bright eyes bore into yours this time. No trace of anger, just distant desperation. Sighing as you looked down with your eyes shutting briefly, “Ellie,”
“No.” You once again shot up this time brows furrowed as you looked at her. “What happened, it- it wasn’t nothing. I know it wasn’t.” Voice cracking weakly as she consciously or unconsciously grazed her fingers over where you now knew was a healed over brand of teeth.
More guilt set in. Stepping forward you tilted her head up more to your height, “But that’s just it isn’t it? What happened happened, and it turned into nothing. For both of us.” The tension in her body was clear and while you hadn’t known her for as long as Joel, this was still the first time she was distinctly upset about something serious.
“I know there’s Joel, but...” Sighing deeply she let her arms fall to her sides. “It’s different with you. No one but you knows what it feels like, and..”
“It doesn’t feel good.” You knew exactly what she meant. Having to watch the exact same fate fall on person after person and you are silent in the background knowing that never became you. It was eating away at you, but that was the last thing you wanted for her. Your thumb moved to trace over her cheek. “You have me, I promise. It just...getting used to people knowing isn’t easy.”
Ellie nodded. “Joel was the only person who knew that didn’t want something from me.”
The pause in your breathe nudged at a thought you had not too long ago. Mixing what on had told you about the job he took that led him to her, and the mention of places Joel and Ellie had travelled through before arriving here. You looked at her, almost a hopeful look that you knew you didn’t feel.
What exactly did she think those people wanted from her, you wonder. How much did she really know. You wanted to ask Joel, but the last thing you’d ever do to him is push for information about his past. So you settled for a middle ground. Kneeling down to her height more, you made her look you in the eye. “The only thing anyone should want for you, Ellie is to let you feel normal. That’s what Joel wants and it’s what I want for you too. You have me, but this?”
Your own hand reached out to gently hold where you now knew the mark was. “I don’t want this being what defines you. What happened then is important, but so is now. Okay?”
Ellie nodded again. Seemingly backing up a bit to give you room to leave. You gave a nod back before standing up straight and taking a step down the stairs before Ellie called you name.
Turning your body, she stood now in front of the steps, fidgeting as if grappling with a decision she wasn’t sure she wanted to make. Whatever she really wanted, she changed her mind. “Are you going to be late again, tonight?”
You wished she wasn’t getting so attached to you. Your intrusion on their lives felt much more like a leech minute by minute. “I’ll try.” Ellie took that as a final answer. Her eyes lost in thought before going back inside, slamming the door just loud enough you knew Joel had heard it. So you wasted no time and walked away.
You had too much to catch up on, and you were sick of being stuck with your thoughts. The distractions was all you wanted to depend on right now, and to be honest? You really didn’t care if you ripped your stitches open again to do it.
The entire day blurred around you once again, the time that passed feeling like hours were the length of days. It wasn’t even a week since the incident, yet if you were to say what it felt like, you’d say months. People always joked how quickly time passes, but you didn’t experience it the same way.
To you, really ever since that day you had been left to suffocate on the heavy air, die from your wound, or worse, time felt like an eternity. So the day dragged on endlessly. Sometimes the people around you asked what was up with you, but you shrugged it off. You were naturally quiet, so they took it as such and you didn’t want any attention otherwise.
Ignoring it was probably a mistake. During the afternoon, you had hopped up onto a platform to help drag up a heavy box, only to jump down with force. You knew right away what you did, you could feel it. Before joining up with the others, you slowly lifted your shirt just enough to see a trickle of blood.
Rolling your eyes with a sigh, you dropped it back down. It wasn’t much blood, you just wanted to ignore the bite for once. You wish Joel had just finished the job and seared the skin over, but he was adamant and pretty offended that you wanted him to put you through what would basically be torture. “It’s deep and it’s fucking huge, do you know how painful that would be? Even if I did it when you were passed out, that kind of burn would wake you up from the pain and knock you right back out from shock.”
You tried to reason with him, but the conversation ended with Joel raising his hand to interrupt you. “It’s not going to happen. Now or ever.” Pointing at you, the tension radiating from his body. “Don’t ever ask me again.” He stormed out of the room at that point and you never suggested anything like it again.
You figured no one would notice what happened anyways. You had 3 layers on at this point and that’d be enough to cover up whatever blood seeped through your clothes. You did start to wince as the day went on though, but maybe it was deserved.
Meeting up with Joel later on, the stinging reminded you that you deserved to feel this way. Multiple times in the evening you missed his eyes narrowing as he looked you over, but you gave nothing away he could easily detect. It wasn’t until that night did he find anything to confront you with.
It had stopped bleeding by the time you went to sleep, it was just now open and painful. Later you wondered if it was just a normal nightmare would you have been normal enough not to catch his attention, but this time that wasn’t the case.
Sleep paralysis was a new thing to you. You were half aware that it was Joel’s room you were in, but nothing around you looked like it. No it looked like the view on that grimy floor you laid out on as you waited in terror for the infection to take effect. The quiet wind blowing just outside the walls and the scattered movement of the creature reminding you what you were waiting to become.
In the memory you got up eventually, but here you couldn’t. Nothing about you could move. Your body strained and vibrated as every nerve in your body buzzed at their inability to shift even slightly. Every attempt to turn failing.
Your heart started to race as the panic built in your chest rapidly. You didn’t know if it was real or the panic you felt that caused the pressure, the sensation like your chest was being pressed and you couldn’t breathe. Fear filled your veins as you lost sight of knowing you weren’t here but in what was supposed to be a safe place.
The reality forming into a terror that maybe this was it. That this was the final state, would you soon lose yourself or would you be trapped? Always fighting to move your body but instead of being paralyzed on the ground, would you be fighting against the infection doing it for you?
You wanted to scream, but you couldn’t move any of your muscles enough to produce any movement of sound. In the back of your head it felt as if your eyes fluttered, like but nothing around you changed. It just felt like a taunt. The yelling seemed to come back, only quiet and different then before, and you lay there, radically terrified that you couldn’t even turn your head or open your eyes properly to see what was coming.
What did startle you from this hell and pull you up into the real world, was a grasp of hands on your body and a stark voice in your ear. Suddenly you drastically flew up in bed and open your eyes as fast as possible. The deep heavy sensation threatening to pull you back under it’s still spell if you closed them again.
Joel at this point had leaned across the bed with your cheeks cupped in is hands as he spoke softly to you. “Just breathe,” Nodding you slowly started to force yourself to breathe steadily in and out as your heart slowed, and your mind finally tore away from the pull. Joel’s whispers continuing comfort your disjointed thoughts. “Good, that’s good. You’re okay, sweetheart.”
Without looking up at him, both of your hands weakly reached up to grasp at his wrists. Your head sort of tipping down into his hold a little firmer. In the back of your head, you were demanding to pull away and not fall for his endearing protection, to just separate and stop this before he decided he was caring too much for a lost cause.
But your anxiety won out. Looking up at the different kind of terror in his own eyes you wondered just how you looked in that moment before he woke you up. Wondering if the strange fluttering of your eyes wasn’t just a spine tingling figment of your imagination. God how could he even look at you anymore, if he saw such an uncomfortable sight laying out side him?
You tried to whisper, but your voice was weary and your tone not in any way assertive. Just a mumbling, “I’m fine.” Which wasn’t enough for Joel. One hand moved to hold just under your chin to tilt your head up with his thumb, the other fingers finding part of your jaw.
He kissed you perhaps a little more aggressive then he should have for dragging you from a terrifying sleep, but you couldn’t comprehend the kind of worry you continued to put in him by shutting out anything that was happening to you.
His soft lips capturing yours over and over, almost muttering things into your mouth. Pouring words of scare and comfort into how he felt. Joel was always better at showing you how he felt then saying it, he he did it again here.
Your own hands at that point, found a home on his torso. One pressed against his chest while the other grasped at his meaty side and dragged him into you more. Joel in that moment allowed himself to get dragged over top of you, one of his hands pressing your waist into the bed.
It wasn’t until he teased your mouth open further with his tongue, and gently feeling the brush against yours that he tried pulling away. Muttering your name, be pulled back twice when you tried to chase his lips again, each time telling you, “Easy baby,” or shushing you with a gentle “Hey, hey settle down”, while his hands raked over the side of your head soothingly.
He dragged the tip of his nose over the length of yours before pressing a kiss there. Leaning up enough to look you in the eye, his other hand cupping the back of your head to support you as you lifted it slightly to follow. “Joel, please I just-”
His face was set in a firmness as much as you could see in the dark room. “Take it easy for me first.”
You dove in already though, jumping into a water that needed Joel’s touch, his kiss like survival. “Please, I just need you right now. I need you.” Your voice almost pleading with him as you dragged your hands over around his neck, your forehead moving up to press against his. “I don’t want to think about that, I just need-”
Joel nodded, his lips brushing against yours with every move. “You need me sweetheart, is that it? Need my touch to calm you down?” He wasn’t mocking or even teasing. It was a serious tone he asked you in like nothing else mattered. You must have looked pretty terrifying to get this kind of response in the middle of the night.
But you needed it too. So you pleaded yes. “Please. I just need you in me, just for a little while.”
Joel’s breathe was warm on your face as he sighed through his nose. Clearly conflicted in thought for a moment. Pressing one last gentle kiss to your lips, you could feel a fond almost smile breaking onto his face. “A little while, that’s it.” Joel sat up to straddle your legs between him, helping you up enough let you touch him as you needed.
When he went to lift your shirt up, you stopped him instantly. Giving him to chance to even ask, just grasping them with yours and moving them to your bottoms and kissing him more. He dragged them down with relative ease, he was a man that honestly? Didn’t care about taking his time to undress your most private parts. He needed touch, and looking and feeling your bare skin on his, is what he wanted. You pulled his shirt over his head, and greedily felt his chest.
His broad frame always consuming so much of the time you explored him. His broad frame spanned smiles on your small hands, and it seemed to go on forever as they naturally found their way to the soft rounder stomach beneath. Joel once told you that your softness and how much you had of it, made him obsessed. “Sometimes it feels like you’re the only damn thing in this world that isn’t rough or hard.”
He very quickly tossed you onto the couch immediately after when you made a wisecrack about how he didn’t “feel very hard”. That was blatantly untrue and you both knew it.
Even now pressed against your front you could feel his cock hardening with every trace of your fingers or swipe of his tongue against your own. With little warning, Joel yanked you up to straddle his lap as he sat upright on the bed, his knees and calves resting below him as his thick thighs and equally thick cock functioned as your own seat.
You lucked out in the nic of time. The very moment Joel grabbed too close on your waist to your still ripped open stitches, he also ground you down onto his cock. The jump in his arms was followed by a needy gasp that disguised the painful one behind it. You once again wrapped your arms around his neck as he slid his hands down to your hips.
“Spread out for me, sweetheart.” He meant to kneel you back down onto the bed, finding his favourite spot between your legs but you couldn’t risk that. Joel was grabby when he tasted you, and he’d no doubt either push your shirt up too high or grab at it mindlessly.
“No, no no, I just need you in me, please. All of you.” Your hands flying down to his waistband and trying to push it down enough to feel the course hair spread across his pelvis. He sensitive area pulled a shaky moan from him before he kissed you again.
“I need to stretch you open, baby it’s been a while.” He meant it kindly, but you just didn’t want to risk it as insane as you knew it was. When you protested, he pulled you into his bare chest with a hand wrapped behind your back. “You’re a tight fit even after I’ve already fucked you plenty, let me take care of you.”
You needed to distract him. So you took your chance and pulled his waistband down enough to wrap your hand around his cock. He jolted in place and groaned into your shoulder as his head dropped into you. “Fuck,”
Pulling him out into the open air, you worked him over taking advantage of every leak of precum he gave you. For a moment he was lost in you. The sound of the wet skin of his cock you stroked up and down, the tightness of your grip and the steady speed you jerked him forced moans out of him and his arms to tighten around you.
The muscles of those arms impossibly large and all consuming as he luckily held you just above your side. It almost surprised Joel how much just you stroking his cock could work him up. His hips trying to chase your pace as he could feel the tension in his body coiling, but he wanted to take care of you more.
Pulling back from your shoulder he aggressively kissed you, ripping your hands away and positioning your hips to hover just above him. Mumbling into your mouth, Joel still checked in. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”
Nodding against his lips, Joel took your word for it. Every time you were sat in his lap, his cock never eased into you. He sank so deep and it pulled mutters and swears from his gritting teeth. You had covered his cock as much as you could, smearing his own cum over his cock as you stroked him to already get him wet.
You were wet, but you knew not what he would think was acceptable enough. There was a distinct burn that made you hiss out. You could see the instant concern but took advantage of his still somewhat sleepy state. Dropping your head into his neck and shoulder just as he did, you gave a genuine moan from how deep he was and how thick his cock felt snugly inside of you.
You very quickly begun kissing and nibbling at the skin of his neck and Joel’s moans were shameless at the attack of such a sensitive area. His hands with a grip on your hips so tight the bruises already started to bloom in his fingertips shape. Moving you slowly up and down the length of his cock got gasps and whimpers out of you.
The slow pace didn’t last as long as he intended. His cock finding that spot inside of you quickly, the intense pleasure it would spiral you into was something he almost always took advantage of. You grinded into his cock more and more, trying to meet his pace, but Joel was the one yanking your hips up and down.
It was his cock that he thrusted up into you as he pulled you back down with an echoed slap of your thighs against his. That sound that drove him insane, and Joel didn’t quite know why but it only started after he found you. Fucking up into you as the slap of your skin together rang in his ears and harmonized with the moans and whimpers you stuttered out between pleads of his name.
One hand of his snaked down to grasp at your ass as pull your hips even tighter against him just as he sunk his cock as much as he could into your warm, wet pussy. “Oh god,” the gasp bled into his own moaning.
Working you over his cock as he rambled about how good you were, how “so fucking good” you felt around him. Nonsensical muttering about staying inside you forever as his entire body coiled and tightened once more, causing him to sacrifice a steady pounding into quick and breathtaking shallow thrusts. His hips slamming into your own fast, making the air nothing but the moans of each others need, and your skin slapping together so fast that by the time the first slap had faded it was replaced with a newer one once more.
His grip on your ass pushed you into him more, your clit now grazing against the rough hair around his cock. His hair tight in your hands as you whimpered, high pitched and desperate as you could feel the pleasure building as fast as he fucked you.
“I got you, I’ve- fuck- I got you, let me have it, baby. Just let me have it, you can do it, you can cum all over my cock, sweet girl.” His cock against the warm wall inside you that blanked your mind of any thought, a whiteout in your head filled with nothing but your orgasm shattering around him.
“Good, fuck- that’s my fucking girl. Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good around my cock.” Joel was chasing his own orgasm and he throbbed inside of you, the sensitive brush of hair against your clit not allowing you to really come down. “Gonna let me fill you with my cum? Let me spill inside you?” A question he’s never asked of you before.
You nodded into a gasp, and it didn’t take but a few more thrusts before Joel’s orgasm let go. The unbelievable need it fed you, feeling his warm cum spill inside of you, never really dripping out until he slides his cock out of the tight hold you have around it.
You both held the other as you breathed heavily coming back down. Joel tipped your chin up to look at him with his fingers, cupping it gently enough to pull you into another kiss. You were distracted all right.
Because as he hand smoothed over what he thought was a healing wound, you hissed in pain and there was no slide of his cock inside of you to disguise it.
He pulled away from your lips without hesitating. His eyes narrowing at the guilt you had painted all over you. If it was lighter he might see the very start of another bleed finding it’s way over the fabric of your shirt, but he found it anyways when he yanked it up with one hand, and awkwardly leaned over you to turn his bedside light on with the other.
It was clear they weren’t newly ripped. There was a distinct wear and tear that mocked him for not noticing the issue earlier in the day. The anger he felt looking at the painful memory didn’t last long when he looked back up.
The shame and guilt on you was heartbreakingly distinct. You looked off to the side as your hands shook slightly pulling away from him. Assuming he was mad at you, assuming he didn’t want you touching him anymore.
Whatever complex contemplation you normally thought through stoically was disastrously affected by the curtains being whipped open so soon after he fucked you. Joel took sex with you very seriously, but he also knew you did too. He knew how intense it was for you and his chest lurched seeing how fast those two emotions mixed together and collapsed in front of you.
His jaw clenched briefly, before kissing your nose. “C’mon.” Gesturing his head to the door, “Let’s patch you up before that gets infected.”
If Joel noticed your distinct pause at his word choice, he kept it to himself for now. As quiet as you could, Joel nudged you to take a seat in the washroom as he grabbed the med supplies. Bracing yourself, you hissed out again as you made you way to sit up on the sink counter.
Peeking out the door you could see Ellie’s own bedroom, your thoughts consuming you with something you never considered before. You were at least an adult when you found out, someone supposed to be equipped to handle information like that, despite your current jumble of emotions aside. Ellie is still a child though. You filled with more guilt, wondering just how hard it must be for her to watch others around you fall to a fate they don’t know is impossible for you.
Once Joel came back in, silently shutting the door you were back in your own head. Without even thinking about it, he gracefully pulled your shirt over your head once more, needing broad access to stitch. Your arm resting above your head as Joel coaxed you with warm mumbling every wince or hiss in pain, he noted you more than once glancing back to the door where you had been looking at Ellie’s room. “She needs you more than I think she’s willing to admit.”
You only nodded mildly, but the guilt gathered in your eyes as Joel continued. “We uh, it wasn’t easy getting to this point.” You knew part of things, how they met, where he was supposed to take her, and what happened along the way to change his mind. It wasn’t until a little before getting to Jackson that Joel struggled to speak on, but you did know what he was asked to do was from the Fireflies.
“They thought you’d just hand her over and wouldn’t care.” Joel stopped for a second, his bright eyes looking up at you, but you didn’t return it. “They never tell you why they want you. I only ever met them twice once I knew they found out, but they never tried to kill me straight out. They always wanted to drag me across the country. What they wanted from me was useless if I died before they could get it themselves.”
Joel swallowed heavily, finding his voice wasn’t easy. The waver in his tone, how small it made him appear despite the deep intensity of his tone. “They didn’t tell me what they wanted with her until after I handed her over. Already had to prepped to go on the fucking table like the months I spent with her wouldn’t change a thing. She...I wasn’t going to let that happen.” He focused on your side as he spoke.
The water was freezing as you dipped your toes into it, never wanting to ask about what happened that day but what you knew now had unwillingly connected a few dots. Tossing some things to the side, Joel rested his palms on your thighs, soothing them up and down. If not for you, then for himself. “The hospital.”
Joel’s eyes shined with realization, and you almost knew then exactly. It made sense. You knew about that day with Sarah and you knew about that day as well. Ellie covered in blood after god knows what those degenerates wanted to do to her.
It seemed so weird to you now. You’d only ever known them this way, how unquestioningly the fact of Ellie was his daughter. This protective love that was still forming, both of them navigating their fears. Ellie needing to get used to seeing someone care about her, let alone a father, and not be afraid she’d find herself alone again.
And Joel grappling with becoming a father again, and your sudden understanding that he was right. He’d do anything to protect his family, and Ellie was his daughter. He wasn’t going to let it happen again.
“It was you. The hospital in Salt Lake City.”
Seeing his entire body tense up, you instantly leaned forward, pulling him by the back of his head to rest your foreheads against one another. You had crossed a dangerous border, and it needed to be softened before he let it fester in his mind. His grip on your thighs tightened, as if the feeling was keeping his feet on the ground. He nodded, “Were you-”
Raking your fingers through his hair, Joel’s eyes shut. His face was so soft in moments like this, and you wanted more of them for him. “I didn’t know until Don told me. He uh-” You gulped, hoping to keep the boiling sickness in your stomach at bay. “He was apparently there that day. He mentioned some father killing a bunch of people to get his daughter out before the doctor could cut into her.”
The sick feeling only increased. “I didn’t know they had kids. That they just didn’t give a shit about sacrificing a child for whatever they thought was their purpose.”
It sat strangely with you. The life you had taken, lives you had taken to protect this secret about you. The image of Don, slumped dead on the floor had haunted you more than the memory of him trapping you to die in the first place.
Did you deserve to live for even a sliver chance of saving a life? You didn’t know. Not for you, and it’s torn you apart for days now. That Joel and Ellie’s lives would be easier if you just let them take out, and you never had brought this to their door.
But that’s why Joel let you in. That’s why he refused to let you keep this bottled up, he knew what toxicity was consuming you. “She doesn’t know.” You both lifted your heads at the same time, Joel’s hands moving to your waist this time, his thumb stroking back and forth over the sliver of skin below his handy work. “She was already under when it happened.”
You didn’t need to even say anything. What you thought about it didn’t even matter, because you weren’t the only one with a guilt building up inside of you. Joel’s guilt was a lie, where yours was a regret, but it made you feel all the same.
“She needs to know eventually. It’s a part of both of you.”
You cupped his face in your hands, you both knew what was at risk now. This feeling inside of you, would that also be Ellie? The death around her at the expensive of a procedure neither of you knew much about, but was told it was for the greater good. It wasn’t just that though.
You said it before Joel forced it out, easing his pain. “It’s you lying to her that’ll hurt. She can forgive you for that.” There was a distinct look of distance in your eye, something deeper that even here and now, wasn’t going away. “She’s not the one who has to bear the brunt of what she’s done.”
Joel’s eyes bore into your own, a whirlwind of thoughts and need in them that he poured into your mouth as he leaned in for a kiss. His hands returning your own gesture and grasping at the sides of your face desperately. He knew it wasn’t him you were talking about, but there was no way to grasp the gravity of how you felt.
Ellie is young, and was rescued from a fate she didn’t know she would suffer and wasn’t the one who spilt the bloodshed along the way. Joel’s at risk unlike her, he can’t survive what she can, he understands what he might be giving up when he killed those people.
You can though, and you’re the one who has to face the selfishness of protecting your own life against the slightest possibility of something akin to a cure. Ellie needs to know the truth, but the heavy weight in your chest was something you didn’t want for her.
Joel’s touch was refreshing, but it didn’t take away the conflict toiling your mind about the what if. A fate you refused to let fall to a child, but couldn’t let go for yourself, the painful truth that you just may be hindering a chance of help.
Don wasn’t the first person you killed, and he likely wouldn’t be the last. But it had started something unlike any other time. It started a chain reaction of emotions spiralling out of control and you couldn’t catch your breathe long enough to understand them, let alone say what they felt like. You felt more and more worthless.
Like you were starting to depend too much on others for your own well being, and the constant frustration that you didn’t know why. You haven’t been around people for this long in a few years, and never with a connection like this. How much of this was normal, and how much of it was you burdening Joel with your own interpersonal problems.
Sometime in between the little bit of sleep you managed to get once back in bed, a sprinkle of rain has grown quietly in strength until how it poured down now. A loud heavy stream with clouds bearing above that darkened the afternoon sky.
You had found solace in the steady ting of water against the roof. Many things flashing in your mind, but the focus of the repeating water droplets making any of them indistinguishable as you saw less and less of the present and more seeing into the white noise in your head.
Unbeknownst to you, the amount of time that had passed was enough to draw Ellie over to you as you appeared to be lost in thought, your hand trembling in the air as it hovered above the counter. Interrupting your work in the kitchen with an overtaking buzz of incomprehensible flashes of pain before your eyes.
It just so happened the very same time she called your name did the faint sound of a distinct click mix together and snapped your out of it. All in one fell swoop did the you turn to look at her, and the knife slipping from your hands, and slicing into the underside of your arm before slamming onto the ground.
You didn’t really react at first, the sight of the cut now bleeding didn’t even register with pain, but the splatter from the angle of impact left a splatter on the side of the counter and ground that had Ellie shout, but what you couldn’t really tell.
The only thing that found it’s way through your head was one word. Useless. To be honest the next few seconds you hardly did with any knowledge, as if you were alone once again you moved to clean and cover it, the entire time Ellie beside you, hands hovering trying to find a chance to help you.
It wasn’t until the stinging surged through your veins at all once when you tightened and closed off the cloth wrapping did you snap out of this automatic state. Ellie finally grabbed you saying your name once more, “Are you-” Her blazing eyes darting to the blood still visible behind the wrappings back to the sharp look you gave her. “What the hell happened?”
Confusion and panic was all over her expression, and for a second you almost remembered yourself. But over the sound of the pouring rain out heard the distant shouting of a voice that you just couldn’t take right now.
Later the guilt would set in, but in the moment you felt very little other then the warm burning of your forearm and the constriction of your chest. You couldn’t be here anymore, you had done enough here and the only rational you could come up with was you should leave before being forced too.
Before you knew it, you were slamming the backdoor with a throw as you took off in the rain. Did you run or was your walk just faster then normal? You couldn’t tell, by the time you found yourself with your back leaning against a tree far off from town did the cold air and even colder rain really cover you entirely did the world come rushing back.
You leaned your head forward, closing your eyes as your chest heaved to catch your breathe. The time of year and the rain made your hands stiff with a brisk coolness that shouldn’t have felt good. But you didn’t really care. You found yourself sliding down the length of the tree trunk, and sat with your knees bent in front of you.
With a thonk, your head fell back to rest on the bark. The water soaked the bandage on your arm and you figured it didn’t really matter. It was rain water, nothing dirty or festering with bacteria to make it worse, so you left it uncovered.
For a while you sat there, arm hovering beside you as you stared into the red. You had never felt this way from killing before, not for killing a man who tried to kill you first. What Joel told you meant nothing. Just something to calm you down enough to shut up and go back to sleep. He didn’t want to carry your issues and he shouldn’t, anyways.
Being back on your own felt daunting. A knowing silence that you long forgotten over just months, creeping back to mock you with it’s isolation. You had little understanding of how a relationship was even supposed to work.
Every step of the way with Joel you were guessing. You had hid your immunity from him, because you knew only conflict would follow and look what happened. It was unspoken even to yourself how you felt about Joel.
Something you didn’t know or understand blossoming into a deep emotion that you did in fact have a name for, but a wonder if Joel would return it now was wrapping itself around your throat as it suffocated you to thinking he’d throw you out for who you were.
The sky had grown more dim as the clouds moved on, yet the rain didn’t let up. Moving suddenly you pulled the lighter out of your pocket once more. This time you didn’t taunt yourself with the metallic clink of it’s open and close. You turned it in your hand, eyes a blank vacant stare towards it.
It meant nothing anymore. What happened that day happened, and it doesn’t matter if you hold onto it. Don’s still rotting on a wooden floor next to the corpses of creatures you couldn’t become, and you would always have to face that. Face that your own mortality was dependant on refusing to give it up for a rebel group to cut into looking for the answer to a question they don’t even understand.
Your jaw clenching as you felt the digging of your teeth into your cheek, maybe that was the fate you deserved, just not one you wanted for the only other girl you’d ever known as also like you.
Pushing up from the tree, you leaned forward enough to throw the lighter with a grunt. Watching it disappear into the treeline before your head fell into your arms now resting on your knees.
“Not a bad throw for sitting down.”
You damn near jumped out of your skin. Head whipping to the side to see Joel sitting beside you. The man was too sneaky for his own good sometimes. To the side of him, Ellie stood against another tree at a good enough angle to see both of you.
“How the hell does a man your size get around without anyone noticing?” Joel didn’t laugh but it got a smirk out of Ellie.
“I swear he uses it just to sneak up on me when I start slacking.” You both chuckled quietly at one another, their calm and cavalier attitude putting you at a strange ease without effort.
The deep rumble of Joel’s voice sat snugly into your ear, “Let me see it.”
Your head lulled to the side to watch as he gently grasped your arm, pulling the soaked wrappings away enough to inspect the slash. His face wasn’t in view but Ellie’s was. The sudden panic earlier now replaced with a stoic look you knew spoke volumes more than she wanted it too. Eyes squinting to see it without having the nerve to come closer.
“Needs to be re wrapped now obviously, but it looks good.” The lack of a disappointment in his tone sent you right back into the ever annoying world of confusion.
You wanted to bite back with tone, try and prove yourself, but exhaustion and defeat was all the muttered out. “Used to do it all the time when I travelled by myself. Good to know it’ll come in handy again now, I guess.”
Joel didn’t let go of you but his grip tightened somewhat. “Like hell you’re going anywhere.”
You tried yanking your arm out of his hand, but his strength was as stubborn as his personality. His name slipped out in protest, but he turned to look at you more direct, the view of Ellie side stepping to change her view in the corner of your eye.
“Hey. I need you to sit here, and just listen to me.” Sensing a hesitation, he pulled you in closer with a furrowed brow and eyes burning into yours. “Just let me say what I need to say before anything else. Okay?”
You nodded your head yes. His grip softened in your arm, and the feeling of this thumb trailing over your skin soothed the fading sting.
“We’re not here to change your mind, but we want you to. Whether you can accept it or not, you’re family now. And a family protects the ones they love, period.” His fingers grazed your cheek enough to turn you more to face him. “You try to do everything to prove yourself at every goddamn turn, worried if you even say you need help that’s some sign of weakness. That’s just not the case, sweetheart. You’re allowed to need us, you should need us sometimes, because,”
The half a second pause let Ellie finish his sentence. “Because we need you.”
Fingers sliding from your cheek, Joel still held onto your arm gently as you looked up at Ellie, the stoic slipping down with the rainfall. There was a waver overpowering the noise of the slowing water. “You don’t get to just walk out, just leave us here because you don’t think we care. You just can’t do that.”
She never spoke about this fear of abandonment that festers inside. Likely hardly knew it still existed after almost being dumped as Tommy’s problem when Joel got too scared of caring about her. Now it wasn’t just him she worried about walking out of her life.
Shoulders sagging slightly as the tension washed off, your mouth parted as your eyes met ones threatening to cry. This time Joel let your arm go, as he watched your reach begin to reach them out to Ellie. Only to be thrown backward into the trunk once more as she lunged into your chest.
The hug didn’t last long, but she squeezed with desperation, as you leaned your head into hers. Suddenly being pulled back at the gentle behest of Joel, “Watch her side.”
He was now leaning forward, replacing your hands on her with his. One of his own softly cupping the side of her face with an intensity that only could be read as a reassurance. Wiping her eyes before looking at you, she swiped some excess from her forehead in a thinly veiled act as if it was just the rain.
All three of you knew better. Ellie sat back on her heels, her emotional outburst not something she meant to explode on you with. You winced as you got up slightly on your knees to run your hand over her hair, you could feel Joel’s hands guiding you up, “Easy.”
The grumpy almost glare on her face reminded you of the man next to you. Clearly that was a learned trait of hers, not a hereditary one. Sucking in a deep breathe, you found it in yourself to stop being so afraid to just say what you felt. “I’ve done a lot of hard things to protect my own life over the years, a lot of shit that cost other people theirs. Some of it to get out of the most terrifying shit I’ve ever seen.”
Her eyes peering over to you with a stark understanding. You knew about that day, the vivid description of fear Joel felt seeing her with that horrific expression and a face covered in blood.
“But doing it because of what I am, when people who about it and only want your life for it, that’s a kind of guilt I don’t want for you. The kind of guilt I don’t understand and I don’t know if I ever will. But-” You took a deep breathe and moved to hold the other side of her face. “But you don’t deserve to do it, any of this, alone. And I’m sorry for trying to force you otherwise.”
Ellie nodded, a little too much as she compensated for a stirring of emotion she tried to hold together. All she could get out as a question forcing as little upset as possible, “You’re coming home...right?”
Honestly? It was sweet. Never once has she called your home anything but the place she shared with Joel. You may not know about the amount of times she debates with the man about getting him to just ask you to live there permanently, but you were beginning to feel the sentiment. “Yeah...I am. Can’t miss seeing how many more times you can possibly fail at guitar before you start learning anything, afterall.”
There it was, with a roll of her eyes the toiling anxiety left her in favour of a huffing annoyance. Pushing up onto her feet she mumbled, “Everyone’s got something to say don’t they?”
You and Joel joined her, his arms supporting you as you stood trying not to let a hiss come out with the wince from your side. Before you could start to follow, Joel stepped in front of you with a hand still on your waist. “Wait here a minute, will you?”
You nodded, and watched him pull Ellie over to the side in a conversation to quiet to hear even in the slowing rainfall. Your eyes distracted themselves with the dark leaves now encased in water with your arms wrapped around your front. Relationships confused you.
Speaking of which, you were turned around to face Joel his hand on your hip and the other tilting your chin up to his height. Just as you expected, he didn’t beat around the bush. Just skipping straight to the point. “Anytime something’s almost happened to you, I can barley manage to do anything before you end it all yourself.” Deep brown eyes deep into yours.
“It doesn’t exactly feel that way.” Hands without your permission, begin to find their way onto him. Not brave enough to settle anywhere you typically loved to hold, but palms lightly resting close to his stomach.
Joel shook his head, eyes bright still and a half smirk forming before he pulled your chin close and captured your lips with his. Pulling you in by your hip he deepened the kiss with a trace of his tongue exploring your mouth. Separating you just as you yearned to reciprocate.
Giving a full smile nearing adoration at the sight of your still closed eyes before you regained your senses. “You sure you don’t need glasses?” Your eyebrows raised in a total confused look and he only chuckled in response at it. “Because you are so fucking blind sometimes.”
The warmth in your heart eased from painful to much more relaxing. “I’m still not used to this.” Your hands now closer to a usual spot near his collarbones. “Felling like I depend on someone they way I do you. Worried it makes me just a burden on top of everything you got.”
Kissing your nose, Joel leans in as his mouth teases yours as his words brush against them. “Good. I want you to depend on me sometimes, sweetheart. I sure as hell depend on you. Ellie had to be the one to calm me down when I walked in and saw some blood on the floor and the knife. I damn well knew wasn’t hers.”
His fingers left your chin and pulled you in by the back of your head, this time pulling your hips so your front pressed into his as much as it could before pulling away just as quick. Resting his forehead to yours. “We’re family. We depend on each other, and don’t think for a second I think less of you because you need me sometimes. I’d sure as hell need you if you left.”
Shaking his head he kissed you once more just as you tried to let out an apology, and pulled away just enough “Don’t be.” Before resuming the kiss.
As easy it was for you to fall into his touch, Joel was just as weak. Your lips holding love instead of a panicked urgency the other night, your arms winding around his neck to rake gently through the hair you could reach.
He didn’t really think about it much as he moved you backwards until your back was pushed up against a tree. The collide against the surface sparked something inside him. It wasn’t the time nor the place for this, but too much had happened. It wasn’t just your head that was storming with difficult, painful emotions.
His kiss all consuming, tongue demanding he explore yours as much as he raved, and only pulling way to bite at your lips before starting the process all over again. You had put him through enough, but maybe he deserved a different kind of apology than being left behind.
The second your hands reached the top of his jeans, a needy groan fell from his lips as he changed directions to your neck. His teeth marking it up and down as he soothed each one with a kiss and brush of his tongue. The gentleness doing little good as his ravenous urge to mark you up also traced your skin with his facial hair, leaving a redness on his the harder he bit.
He mumbled into your neck as he felt you undoing his belt, “Fuck, sweetheart, you don’t-” only to be cut off with a moan as you kissed your way up to his ear trailing a path along his neck as well.
“Let me take care of you. For once.” Before kissing the skin just under his ear as you undid the zipper. He leaned into your body as his grip on you no doubt would brighten the fingertip shaped bruises he already left before.
Tugging his jeans just down enough to reach your hand inside your palm brushed against the coarse hair above his cock. Joel captured your lips once more with a bite right off the bat. Grinding his hips forward as you teased your way down with your fingers along the length of his cock. You didn’t have much room, so you traced the thick length down, down, down until you found his tip, stroking over it with a feather like touch.
Joel knew you didn’t have enough room and separated from your lips. Eyes blasting dark and lustful, he raked his eyes up and down your body before snatching your hands, fingers joined together and raised them above your head. “You going to be good?”
A nod was all he needed, to undo your own pants and yank them halfway down your thighs with one strong tug. Hardly giving himself the pleasure of looking at your bareness, he pushed himself back into you as kissed you. Wasting no time as his hand roughly cupped and squeezed your mound.
Smirking at your gasp, the fingers just reaching your entrance teased dipping in before caressing just around where he wanted. The palm of his hand rubbed against your clit roughly until the sensitive bundle had you trembling against him.
When he could take his time with you, Joel would take however long he desired to work you over, open you up and ease you into everything. But now, the warmth and growing wetness made him impatient. In one go he thrusted two thick fingers inside of you, eliciting a gasp of his name as your arms fell down to his shoulders, fisting the fabric there with no remorse for his earlier command.
One of his hands reached for your throat, not restricting it, not even encompassing it, just holding the side of your throat firmly to rub his thumb over the length down to the top of your chest and back up. “Can never fucking listen to me, why do you make me do this, baby?”
His only punishment though, was to thrust into you in tandem with the grinding of his palm into your clit. His fingers seeking the golden spot inside of you and smiling against your skin when you moaned out, hips writhing into his hand. Punishments to Joel meant nothing more than overwhelming you with pleasure.
The coiling in your stomach grew with how wet his thick fingers made you as they slid in and out. The sound of it even heard over the existing rain. But you wanted to make him feel good first, so you’d just have to disobey him a little more to treat him to it. Your hands on his shoulders moved to quick for him to catch it, grabbing at his jeans and pulling them down just enough to pull his cock out.
One hand jumped right in, gathering what was already spilling from his tip and stroking it up and down his length, the other sneaking just a bit more and gently cupping his balls. It was Joel who writhed this time, “Fuck, you-”
You stopped him with a kiss, pulling back just slightly as your hand slid up and down his length slowly, knowing how much it made his cock buzz with need, the other ever so slightly keeping his balls in your hand as you pulled your head back to lean against the tree. “This is supposed to be about you, let me help you, okay?”
His jaw clenched as one hand left him, the other now just holding his cock firmly as you dragged his hand slowly away from you, letting the wetness on his fingers trail up your chest, holding it just above your tits and your other pulling his cock just enough between your legs.
Not letting him in, but between your thighs. His eyes weren’t weak or even a hint of willing to give you control, but he still let you tease him just for now. Dragging his cock just enough to not slide inside you, but coating him with you.
His head looking down to your hold, seeing his cock shining more as it was dragged between your wet folds. Only pulling it away enough to press his hip up against your clit as you continued to stroke his cock. Much easier now, the wet sound almost matching up to what he pulled from you. Only granting you his length, Joel moved a hand to reach behind and grasp your ass tight, and pulling your hips in more, forcing your clit to press up against the tip of his cock.
His hold on your ass let him lift you onto your toes and increase the pressure on your clit and the whimpers that followed were music. Never really giving you control, he pushed his tip into you and pulled back. Never leaving your clit but easing and increasing the pressure against it.
You wanted to focus on stroking his cock, but his other hand on your ass took control. The sensation of his fingers tapping along to the middle, and dragging down before stopping just against where he knows no one has ever touched you.
You gasped his name, but he grinded himself into you more. “Shhh, I got you, sweet girl. You’re okay.” Not quite touching, but hovering over it until you felt you nod against him. “Out loud, baby, please.” Not a demand, but a soft beg of permission.
You nodded with your words this time, “Anything, fuck, anything you want, please just-fuck”, his other hand had overtaken his cock, pressing yours against his hip beside as he dragged his cock from your clit down to your entrance, and back up to continue rubbing it against you, and then dragging back down to slick his cock up more.
If you asked him later, Joel couldn’t tell you what was consuming him right now. He had almost lost you, and how you had the audacity to think he wanted you to leave. It made him almost angry. A burning sensation spreading from his chest all through his limbs. It was something akin to possessive, and he wanted to be easier on you. Ease you into something Joel hadn’t even thought about doing until this very moment. But it was the only thought he could focus on that wouldn’t send him back to memories of blood. So he lost himself in something he didn’t quite understand.
He was gentle behind you, very gentle. A tiny whimper leaving you as his index finger just rested against you, giving the same tiny rubs that he rubbed his tip into your clit with. Your body slightly tense, he only wanted you to feel relaxed. So he kissed you once more, not sparing any time as he opened your mouth up to let him in, keeping you only focused on his touch.
You gasped into his mouth, but Joel recognized that needy pleasure without failure. Joel never pushed his fingers inside, just pressed against you with occasional gentle caresses of the skin around it as if he needed to feel how much you leaned your body into him, or the sounds the teasing pulled from you. Your hands on him dragged all over but you whimpered in need, his name, and a please for more.
His cock now sat heavy against your entrance, threatening to push in if he pulled back enough. But his other hand kept a slow rub. He knew your body scarily well, knowing that if he stopped or slowed too much, that you’d tense up on him, always just on the edge of nervous if he pushed you just a little more.
Always afraid you’d disappoint him somehow no matter how much it frustrated Joel that you couldn’t stop thinking that.
His touch slid back and forth from teasing just outside of you, to a soft knead of the rest of your ass or hip. Not tight, not aggressive, almost soothing. For you, it enough that you leaned forward into his chest, head on his shoulder with one hand raking through his hair. His cock dragged back a bit, and he eased the tip of his cock barley inside you. “Look at me, sweet girl.”
You expected him to be cool and collected, but he was anything but. His eyes dark and blazing with need, his mouth parted sightly and breathing heavy enough you felt it on your cheek. “This-” The stoke pulled a difficult gasp from you, but it was so much, too much but you didn’t want him to stop. You’d beg for more if you thought he’d give it to you but you still tried to explain yourself. “I wanted to make you feel good.”
His teeth clenched as he lid just an inch more of his cock into you, his pace slow as he treasured how well you fit him. “This right here,” once again raking his eyes down you and back up. “You make me feel good.”
Just as his cock slid inside you with a soaked ease, your arms wrapped around his neck as he swore out himself. His cock was always so thick, and it filled you so deeply, but something about this moment weighed on your heart much heavier than ever before.
Joel dragged his cock in and out of you so much that he threatened to slip out every time, his finger no longer teasing your ass, but keeping himself his large hand splayed over the skin of your cheeks he could reach.
The slower pace didn’t pick up, but when he was as deep he could be inside you, Joel would pull out of you less and less. You pulled both sides of his face into you to kiss him.
It was just as deep as everything else he was inside of you, but not fast, not aggressive. He tasted your mouth just as slowly and intimately as his cock slid in and out of your warm walls. His thrusts never sped up, and you never asked him too.
Neither of you kept track how long he has you pressed up against the tree, but it was long enough that the sky turned darker as the sun started to go down and the rain had stopped all together.
Joel’s slow pace dragging right up against your walls, and the every present pressure of his finger deep inside of you, your orgasm built slower this time, but it made your body tingle so much more and you felt desperate at that point.
“Let me have it sweet girl, I want it baby, fuck I want it, you’re so close,” You clenched against his cock and his name fell from your lips, your walls tight around the thick length, your entire body arched in pleasure as he slowly thrusted still, never stopping just sliding in and out of you to drag you along as much as possible. Everything inside of you bursting at once, all you could do was hold on to him.
His hold on your ass and hip tightened, his pace increased as he chased his own orgasm. The feeling of you in such an overwhelming way took over him as he sped up every thrust until he pace had his skin slapped more steady against yours. The sound of your skin against his mixed with the how much he could hear how wet you were around his cock kept his pace faster. Every thrust bringing the sounds to his ears and it didn’t take long until he lost himself.
His teeth clenched and your nails raking through his hair, he pounded a few quick thrusts into you as his orgasm let go with your sweet voice in his ear, and your other hand reaching down to grasp one of his own ass cheeks, just enough to push his hips to sink into you faster.
He fucked you at that pace as he came. He couldn’t not. Last night and now were the only times he’s ever came inside of you and Joel couldn’t tell you why. There was a feral part of his brain that became possessed at how well you let him fuck you. He thought he should have felt bad. He wasn’t actually a possessive man, but there was an unspoken intensity that overrode a part of his brain and left a desperation in it’s wake.
He spilled into you, more and more cum leaving as he kept fucking up into you needing that feeling those sounds as now the wetness mixed with his cum. You moved your hand up to his waist with gentle squeezes as he finally slowed down almost instantly.
Panting, he looked to where he slid in and out of you, seeing with each pull how absolutely coated his cock was. Glistening from you, and covered white with his own cum and slowly pushed it back into you a few times before he stopped.
You gently pressed your lips against his, everything about you felt weak now, but your sanity felt tied to his touch. Joel slowly eased out of you completely, having to look up at your face instead of his cum soaked cock. The tip of his nose rubbed along yours and each of you reached for each other. You tucking him back and doing his jeans and belt back up as he pulled your pants back and rubbed at the skin of your hips he could see from your raised shirt.
Neither of you could say it yet, today was too much, this entire week had been too much. But Joel wasn’t in any doubt. “We work together from now on, you’ve got me, and I’ve got you. That’s all there is too it, sweetheart.”
Maybe it’d get easier with time, your brain was quieter then it had been since a week ago that day, and put the pain at ease, filled only with here and now, and who you have. Guess Joel and Ellie weren’t about to let you go anytime soon, so you’d just have to repay the favour.
You had plenty to work on but you at least had a new flicker of hope that having what could be a family might make it easier to do. You decided not to think about what Ellie didn’t know. Only time would get them there, and at least he had you.
Joel knew he couldn’t keep it from her forever, not did he want to. Maybe in another universe he’d keep it so long she’d find out on her own, and that would tear her away from him more then Joel could bare, but he had you, and you understood not just how he felt about it, but you knew exactly how she felt about it too.
You all had each other and maybe he could make it through when that day comes together.
Ellie was his daughter now, and you helped remind him of how much that means to him. He had been holding back for a while not to say it to you.
It damn near slipped from his mouth the second he lost himself as you came around him. But it wasn’t time, the words meant everything to him, but he suspected they weren’t something anyone has ever said to you in your life. Even before hand, knowing enough about your previous life only made him more careful. Not to say it too fast or at the wrong moment, and to make sure you felt safe and belonging in this family you were all creating together.
As you both made your way back, Joel stopped in place at one point, grabbing you by the hip and turning you to him. He rubbed right below your side as his heart melted at the softest you have looked in days. “You know....right?”
Maybe Joel was along the same lines as you, you realized. Your shoulders rose as you took a deep breathe, taking a step forward. Your hand rubbing along the scruff on his cheek as you gave a tiny chaste kiss, only giving him a nod.
That’s all that was needed for right now. He knew this turmoil inside of you wasn’t gone, but maybe now you’d let him support you in whatever way he could. He knew all to well what letting that pain build up for too long could do to you. It wasn’t something he wanted for anyone.
Joel smiled, and wrapped an arm around you, turning you forward once again to go home. Gracing the top of your head with a kiss, there was another burning question he just couldn’t stop in time from slipping out. “If I ask you to just hurry up and move in already, is that gonna be too much for one day?”
This time you stopped in your tracks, but only long enough to drop your head in a breathe that turned into a laugh. You leaned into his touch. “I’ve got nothing left at my house that I need. Would be a pain to make you bring it all back there now, wouldn’t it?”
“Why would I be the one having to do all the work?” The smirk on your lips all he got back.
You didn’t need to look at him to see his face flat and his eyes roll on cue. “Still got a long way to go with that attitude don’t we?” What you also didn’t need to see to know about was the double meaning to his words. This was more than just about teasing, or the physical part. What happened that day and now meant something more than just a few minor incidents to all three of you.
You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Joel today the way he was, but maybe it was your fault for letting it build up to this. You knew it wasn’t just Joel pushing your limits for the sake of it. No, tonight was something new for both of you in a much more desperate emotional way. Like he needed you as close as possible and he worked you weak enough to let him.
Sex wasn’t casual for you, and you were lucky Joel didn’t treat it as such. You didn’t know what to say a lot of the time, but he could read your touch like a book and you hoped he knew it was the same for you. Today wasn’t the right time or place, but it was the only thing that grounded you and Joel to the present in almost a week.
It was easier to express things through touch with him sometimes because of that. You both can struggle to open up, and almost losing you, only to have to sit back and watch not knowing how you would wake up. You can’t imagine what that felt like for him, and you’re not sure you want to.
Having something akin to family was unusual, and would take some getting used to going forward. The pain, the memories, the demons toiling in you were still there. This feeling wasn’t going to go away, but maybe now it wouldn’t destroy you for it.
Joel made it clear you can rely on him to be there for you, and you had a feeling he was going to need you in just a matter of time. He’s strong on his own, but you can only handle so much on the inside.
Neither of you knew though, exactly what about that past day would come looking for him.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller imagine#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#pedro pascal x reader
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