I can be yours forever, just tell me when to start..💞

I'm so annoyed. I got exposed to unexpected strobe lighting on the weekend, and my eyes still feel wonky. I know it's the migraine continuing; the pain is just silent. But god damn, that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Why the hell is strobe lighting everywhere now?

It's in movies, games, TikTok filters, social events. Like, does no one care that they're endangering people? For me, it's just a pesky migraine that lingers for several days, but this shit could outright kill someone with a seizure disorder. And it's just like... no one cares.

for all the screencaps and gifsets of astarion's kiss animation with flycam, i haven't seen anyone post his big, dopey grin just before the camera cuts to him

face of a man just SO stoked for kissies

The thing about testosterone being a controlled substance means that acess to it for hrt is restricted. While it makes access a significant issue for many people and an easy and effective way to prevent trans men and mascs from transitioning (as we've seen terfs campaign for and succeed at doing in Britain) it also means that is very easy for health care professionals to be able to take it away from trans men/mascs arbitrarily. This is most aborant in cases where trans men/mascs are forced to detransition to gain access to abortions after being raped. However, the first sign of an issues tangentially related to hormones a gp, without any training in trans people or hormones, can and will stop a person's testosterone. Apart from how stressful it is to know that for the rest of your life you'll be dependent on the goodwill of a random person, this has measurable negative consequences for a trans person subjected too it.

Going off t fucking sucks at the best of time, but being forced off t will most likely result in depression and worsening mental health for a trans man/masc, who are already one of the most likely groups to attempt suicide. It can also put a trans person at risk if they suddenly start being visibly trans again, especially if they're closeted in, say, a work place environment. Trans people, including trans men, are already one of the most targeted groups of harassment and violence and sexual assalt and forcibly reducing or stopping t can out people and risk their safety. And a gp won't see this or care about this, or attempt to treat a trans man/masc first or ask for their opinion or situation.

Ultimately, testosterone is seen as entirely optional and so the first resort when something goes wrong it to take it away, when it should be considered the last resort, and is considered the last resort for cis men. And as long as testosterone continues to be a controlled substance it will remain like this.

(edit for clarification: I am a kiwi, this post was intended as a general critique of accessing t through health care systems - based in my lived experience in NZ and what ive heard from international trans ppl; including but not limited to the USA)

Day 74

Always remember, when you have a beautiful heart and pure intentions, you don't lose anyone—they lose you.

Gentle reminder, because I need it today:

Recovery isn't linear.

You are not the sum of your bad days.

Falling back into unhealthy thought patterns and coping mechanisms isn't a failure, it's an obstacle. You've overcome and outgrown it before, you can do it again.

You're not alone.

Keep going.

Do you remember before? We stood facing each other on opposite sides of that door. Now we stand side-by-side. Let's go home together this time.

If he fits he sits

how is ur healing journey going? <3

nonsense on healing

they think they’re so funny

Been wanting to try to digitally paint sunset clouds for a while now, remembered this shot in FOTR exists, and sort of blacked out the past few days working on it.

Loyalty is such an underrated thing. Not just as in faithfulness, but loyalty in everyday acts. You're always so loyally by my side and on my side, so fiercely. You'd fight even me to save me. It's tough love sometimes, but the way you challenge me helps me grow so much as a person. I'm normally so anxious, but with you change isn't scary, it's exciting.