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adamworu · 4 years

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The Subtle Horror of Evangelion

What keeps us all hooked to Eva time and time again? You get through your initial, confused watch of either Evangelion endgame, probably sometime in your adolescence wondering what the hell it is you just watched. The original source material is suffused with unsettling imagery, and sometimes too-close-for-comfort shorts. It’s so much to process that one watch is never enough. The imagery isn’t enough, however, because the mid-to-late-90s series comes with things you’ll pick up the more you focus on certain characters’ struggles or the interesting world-building. They arise little by little with every re-watch, adding onto what interested you in Eva to begin with.

There’s always that little voice asking you “What it is that really draws me here?”

Oh. The horrors.

The tragedy of it all.

These things never leave you the second you bear witness to them, whether you become aware of them or not. You’re disturbed over it, a tad worried, no doubt, but you’re strangely hooked.

Horror works better on limitation, it’s why found footage capturing pale, ghastly, monstrosities of the deep wood will always stand as exponentially terrifying. While most all of us have taken cracks at Eva’s budget at some point, that’s what really drives these terrors home. Its low budget nature made it work.

Evangelion has commentary which forces a viewer to reflect. Most no one enjoys that. It’s the fear, however, that has its audience come back. Evangelion’s reflection alone isn’t what gives Eva it’s charm decades after its run. It’s the little things, most everyone misses, the anxieties, the terrors, all of it. Most of those things, fly over a lot of fans’ heads.

Buckle up, there’s a lot to go through…. (warning for mentions of abuse, body horror, means of suicide, nudity, blood, and gore)

Table of Contents

I. Icebergs for Dummies

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji is the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XXI. Conclusion

I. Icebergs for Dummies

For those unaware, the iceberg image illustrates that things are much deeper than they appear, just like an actual iceberg. You’ve probably seen this selfsame iceberg--- separated by tiers--- a few times looking through late night internet rabbit holes (Putting it out in the open: I’m personally guilty of this!), fictional or non. It helps you understand why you’re so enticed to certain material, that you’d revisit them. The highest parts of the iceberg are the things in the material most everyone knows, the surface level stuff. The lower you go, however, the lesser known the parts of the material are. These are the things the person are aware of.

Eva has some iceberg illustrations if you look around, albeit they don’t go through the more saddening, sometimes graphic factors of Eva, only theories navigating through Eva’s universe. Evangelion is so deceptively packed with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it subtleties that if an iceberg were centered on that, the diagram would be packed. And I’m being generous as I write this.

A few ground rules, before we begin: The iceberg will deal with the more obscure and dark material as the tiers get higher rather than it only being relegated to obscure bits. The lower the tier, the higher the iceberg and the more subtler the anxieties which graduate into horrors the deeper you go.

Yes, Evangelion is occasionally horrifying. No, Evangelion is not lovecraftian. I think people use the term lovecraftian way too freely. It’s not enough to see something with (sometimes too many) limbs twisted in ungodly angles. Or legs where legs shouldn’t be. The same applies for creatures assuming forms we don’t entirely comprehend. Eva has never delved into the angels being incomprehensibly terrifying specifically because they come from a cosmic expanse.

Some of these actual horrors, big and small, hit you after adolescence, something that makes you feel deeply for the characters’ dilemmas. It’s a feeling that grows and sometimes aches, rather than fades over time for many of us.

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji As the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

Evangelion has its hand in so many psychological and philosophical cookie jars, from Freud, to Maslow, Johari, as well as Dostoevsky. The very tip of the Subtle Horrors of Evangelion Iceberg is something viewers are introduced to in the fourth episode of the series. It is one of the many psychological concepts dotted throughout the original show. Out of all those psychological concepts, this is the most explicit and most recurring.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma describes the conundrum of two hedgehogs. The closer two hedgehogs become to one another, the more they harm each other with their spines. If you want to properly live, you need the closeness and intimacy of others. By allowing yourself to be close, however, you end up at great risk of being hurt. It’s the very reason what drives those who live to become guarded. Being perpetually apprehensive or building up walls isn’t a remedy for pains, however. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma isn’t just about why people become guarded after relationships ended on bad notes. It’s about the overall inevitability of pain.

Life is a continual push-pull of relationships, because we’re all creatures of comfort. We guard ourselves to varying degrees and sometimes even tell ourselves we won’t get close again, but personal comfort is one of our most ultimate drives.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma not only describes that harm happens to us anyway, but illustrates that because comfort is universal we seek companionship regardless.

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

The AT-Field is the most crucial rabbit hole in understanding the largest meta-narrative of Evangelion.

If Hedgehog’s Dilemma explains the what and the why people become more or less guarded, then AT-Fields explain the how. People build up walls around themselves all the time. You walk away from someone because they crack a smile at you... and it seems off.

Because you feel an anxious pang.

That’s an AT Field.

AT-Fields, or Absolute Terror Fields bear a few metaphors, one of which being boundaries. You see it as Shinji’s fear of becoming intimate, knowing the future implications or Asuka’s masculine protest (putting up a front). We can see an excellent example of the AT Field used by Asuka, her “Wall of Jericho” in episode 9.

You also see it manifested through the angels, the strange creatures in Eva who supposedly desire to merge with Adam, their mother. Seeing this in the angels makes you realize that the AT Field is actually a metaphor for boundaries which implicates us all. In episode 22, Arael, 15th angel, seeks to understand Asuka. The angel uses its AT-Field (a beam of light) no, its boundary, to breach Asuka’s boundaries.

AT-Fields can be used to not only build up personal walls but to breach them as well. The irony of Arael’s action is that Arael’s AT-Field being erected while it floats just over Earth’s gravitational field makes it immensely similar to the Second Child; they’re both guarded.

The AT-Field is a funny sort of thing because it also sometimes explains how two people who are so alike can be guarded from one another. Sometimes you gain contempt for someone because they’re too much like your least favorable traits. You see this with Shinji and Asuka, both children without their mother desiring validation. Shinji calls Asuka a child midway into episode 9 and Asuka isn’t shy on voicing ideas of Shinji as dense or immature. They’re throwing stones in glass houses.

AT Fields are used to get the user out of dangers both physical and perceived. Sachiel, 3rd angel in the original series’ pilot episode, uses its AT-Field, in the form of flotation, to get itself from enemy fire. It never shows this until it is attacked first.

AT Fields are also responsible for one’s identity and physicality in Eva. Without the AT Field you don’t really exist. When Rei assumes the form of the person the character being cast into Instrumentality loved most in End of Evangelion, she’s causing the character to give up their AT Field. With that gone, they lose their physicality, turning into LCL (given the lovely term ‘tanged’ by fans). The ‘tanged’ individual suffers metaphorical death. Evangelion argues that in order for one to exist, others must perceive you and you must perceive you, a point best illustrated in episode 16. Since everyone is converted to LCL, no one really ‘exists.’ Rei describes this unnerving state as the inability of differentiating who you are and others, since everyone lacks a physical state without AT-Fields. Metaphorical death can be argued as worse than physical, since we all exist to make an impression of some sort. It’s what ties all the Eva cast together and the cause of their dilemmas. Validation. You can be living, yet very much forgotten or simply unknown.

There is living and there is “living.”

You can’t “die” unless someone knows you. You were never there. AT Fields are the thing that make us live, but as a drawback, prevents us from understanding each other fully. Kaworu states in episode 24 that AT Fields are the wall of the mind and the heart of the soul, an unapproachable piece of sanctuary. When all else is taken from us, all we have left is our place of respite.

I’d also like to pitch the saddening reality that the AT-Fields are what prevent us from understanding angels as a whole, our genetic siblings as scared of this world as we are. The psychological angels want to understand us, that much is true. The angels, however, use forms of communication at the expense of our boundaries. Because people greatly value boundaries it makes it hard for us to comprehend angels. The creatures are hardly malicious when you realize they wonder why we all do things that actually hurt us, as well as the fact that they do understand our minds. But, because they breach our boundaries, we become even more wary of the (mostly) unknown. Angels may be us, but the strange forms they take are something we aren’t familiar with. The feeling is mutual with angels, wondering why there are many of us, our forms and outward appearances so identical. It’s a truth as old as time that we all fear the unknown.

The anxiety of an AT Field means comprehending that there’s very little chance to 100% get others. Because we’re all wary in some degree, because we’re set in an idea or perception of someone, even if the someone in the past no longer applies. It’s not healthy for you to continue dwelling on relationships not meant to be, keeping yourself up at night asking why, because both of you have closed off each other for good. There’s always that chance the other can come back and if they do seek to understand despite past hardships, that’s good. If they don’t, all you can do is move on and accept it.

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

Kensuke is one of Shinji’s classmates, a supporting player in the series. He’s close with Toji Suzuhara, a boy who takes his anger on Shinji, after finding out that his sister has been injured during Shinji’s fight with 3rd angel Sachiel. As Suzuhara beats him down, Kensuke downplays the incident. Kensuke’s and Toji’s relationship is particularly interesting because the latter is affected to some degree by war (the war by humanity to prevent our destruction by angels). Kensuke glorifies the sentient, implicitly eldritch, multi-armored war-machines.

Kensuke can be best described as the ‘wow, cool robots’ drawing you’ve probably seen floating around. This is in relation to Gundam’s war commentary, but replace Gundam with Eva. Kensuke is enamored with the Evangelions and totally, willfully ignorant to the war horrors. Adolescents are forced to be the salvation of humanity, feeling every bit of damage to their own bodies whenever the Evangelion takes any hurt. Even after the war for humanity is long over, the pilots will be afflicted with traumas that will always hang over them.

Kensuke’s glorification is also what draws him to be Shinji’s friend. He uses Shinji’s status as a way of becoming a pilot himself by meeting up with Misato, putting himself at the cockpit of a strange creature magnificent machine.

When Toji becomes hospitalized after his battle in a hijacked Unit-03 vs. A Dummy System-controlled Unit-01, Kensuke expresses discontent at not being a pilot. He’s annoyed because “everyone” but him is a pilot.

Thing is, Kensuke isn’t heartless, just ignorant. Idealism is one of the uglier things that runs thick in the heart of Evangelion. His is one of many cases of unhealthy idealism in Eva, another example of making it difficult for those living to understand one another.

V. Shinji as the Audience Surrogate

Shinji as the audience surrogate isn’t always touched up on, but is sort of understood subconsciously by a lot of the viewers. Shinji’s character is specific, yet so generalized that him being a surrogate for the audience just… works. Don’t believe me? Shinji gets two psychological exploration-based episodes whereas Asuka and Rei each have one. Episodes 16 and 24 are both psychological angel episodes, albeit the latter is more in-series subversive. The 24th episode doesn’t involve a breach of subconscious boundary, but the pilot (Shinji) is in the hot-seat, being made aware of their issues. Leliel, 12th angel, contacts Shinji in the former of these. Both characters talk to one another, shown as a series of horizontal lines and vertical lines, sometimes intersecting. These lines are a strong reference to the Johari Window, a tool in psychology which helps someone become more aware of themselves. The Window’s quadrants are as follows

1. the part known to the self

2. the part known to others

3. the part known to the self and others

4. the part known to no one

Leliel also states that the self only exists of one perceives themselves as well as others. The angel also states that Shinji could better his reality, to which Shinji absolves himself of responsibility by arguing the horrible state of his reality. It’s a subtle pushing to Shinji and by extension the viewer into free will. Kaworu builds up on these concepts with Eva’s in-universe concept for boundaries. Free Will versus Determinism is brought up here, with the idea that AT-Fields are brought up because the living (again, not people – emotional complexities aren’t only human) will them into existence. By exercising free will, it means enduring pain, one of Shinji’s, and again the audience’s greatest fears. Any relationship has pains and conflicts. This is all a buildup of free will, determinism, self-awareness, and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Understanding all of these means swallowing the “pain is inevitable” pill. The problem with much of us is that we like the idea of relationships rather than being in one. We want to feel validated but without the conflict, even if the conflict can be solved. We’re all Shinji because we’re all aware to life’s hellish catch-22s, so we run. There’s times in our lives where we run as far as possible from these woes, these truths, but there’s pain in running too. It’s why escapism seems like such a viable action for some of us.

Pain is inevitable, but pain can be mitigated.

More damning evidence to Shinji being a viewer stand-in lies in either endgame of Evangelion (pun intended). In EoE, after the Komm Susser Tod sequence of everyone on Earth being tanged, we’re treated to a shot of EoE’s live audience.

We hear Shinji’s voice about his reality while he talks to Rei toward EoE’s end. There are shots of the city, of people going about their daily lives cementing that this is about us. End of Evangelion shows us a less favorable side of Shinji, a departure from the lauded end series “Congratulations” scene, in which he does understand free will rather than perpetually dwell on negatives. Shinji reacts unfavorably toward Asuka in EoE after his mother’s speech to the audience that ‘anywhere can be paradise’ and Shinji stating he doesn’t know where his happiness resides. Shinji (We) still has a ways to go if he wants to be a better person.

It’s probably why many of us are either inclined to champion Shinji or harangue him, and either reaction is fair. Many of us are aware of audience surrogates, but never to this extent. Shinji isn’t his best person, but he can be. Being his best means self-reflection. Droves of people who first were exposed to Evangelion were teens, and again many of Shinji’s woes are specific yet so generalized, hence our feelings of defense and possibly disgust.

No one likes scathing, yet accurate call-outs on their person, but they’re paramount for us to understand ourselves and others.

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

One of the worst things recurring in all of original Evangelion is a bevvy of abuses.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and it’s many characters’ realities. Abuse happens not because the universe ‘wills it’ (determinism aka, ‘that’s just how people are’). Abuse, be it conscious emotional absence, actual neglect, among other ungodly acts fly though the cast.

Abuse is cyclical and a lot of those doing it often get away with murder because they have power.

Much of Eva is comprised of children being forced to sort through adults’ emotional baggage. Those children become adults and the cycle continues.

We all know a Gendo. Or even perhaps a Misato. Hell, even a Ritsuko.

Anno states that Gendo’s character is of a societal meta-text, which explains many viewers’ ire in relation to the character. He’s responsible for many of the seedy goings-on in Evangelion be it the financial (see: Jet Alone’s orchestrated out-of-control nature to give NERV more funding) or abuses (see: Rei, Shinji, Ritsuko, and, Naoko). It’s for this reason why Gendo’s actions are a sore spot for a lot of fans.

Anno: I’m not sure that it’s a real father [that Gendo represents]. Well, not a father in the sense of a parent with a blood relation to his child, but more, I think, [in the sense of being] a representative of society or the system. That’s why he has that expression.

Takekuma: So, he’s kind of amorphous.

Anno: The angels are the same. I made them appear amorphous in that way because, for me, society is unclear, the enemy is unclear.

Takekuma: Gendo is [a representation of] the boundries or the pressure of society itself.

Anno: That might be it. Perhaps Gendo is [a representation of] society itself.

http://wiki.evageeks.org/Statements_by_Evangelion_Staff

After many re-watches of certain Eva episodes, it just hit me, as I’m writing this why I’m sometimes apprehensive on an adult-exclusive lens of the show. This happens a lot in adolescence and our struggles are made trivial because of the mishandled baggage. As children, you’re meant to be subservient to parental whims. You have this sort of obligation to solve their problems. Give them closure. It doesn’t even need to be parental baggage, but just from adults in general. You see the way the adults act not just with the children but with each other. You see the way Gendo justifies neglecting Shinji, objectifying Naoko and Ritsuko or Naoko’s emotional absences as a mother to her daughter (also manifested through the MAGI). It’s these immature excuses as to why they can’t extend empathy to those around them.

It’s always excuses.

Eva’s original series has always been a show about children.

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

The Elevator Scene is a sequence that sometimes gets glossed over due to Evangelion’s fleeting budget. It took me years to realize the true gravity of the awkward silence of both the 22nd episode and its Director’s Cut version. The Director’s Cut version has Asuka abruptly jerking in the silence, but that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment speaks volumes. Understanding the scene means understanding why Asuka quietly stews in her anger. Understanding why Asuka stews means understanding Asuka from her debut to her emotional breakdown.

Asuka’s appearance in the 8th episode, Asuka Strikes!, is marked by a bold persona that carries on until the end. She isn’t shy on imparting her prowess to Shinji, stating that Units 00 as well as 01 were the prototype and the test type, respectively. Her Evangelion, Unit-02 is the finished product. She even states that she graduated from university. Despite these impressive feats so early in adolescence, the only time in which they’re noted is when Asuka talks of them. Misato takes in both Shinji and Asuka, but only ever “dotes” on Shinji. Gendo pays attention to Shinji because he pilots Unit-01, and 01 contains the soul of his late wife. Rei is the clone of Gendo’s late wife, hence Gendo’s attention and overall creepy, selfish obsession with her. Asuka and Shinji’s relationship, with Misato as their caretaker strongly mimics a Golden Child and the Second Fiddle. The only difference is, Shinji gains more attention due to Gendo’s and Misato’s respective baggage. Again, Eva is a series where children are forced to handle the baggage (with no break in the cycle) and when the child doesn’t have anything the adult particularly can clue in on, they become neglected.

That’s Asuka’s dilemma.

It’s why Asuka forces herself to grow up.

It’s why Asuka is driven to be competitive to Shinji and Rei, later growing contemptible at both.

Asuka suffers a few curses, one of which being the youngest, the inevitability of being consciously sidelined dawns on her, leading to her selfsame breakdown toward series’ end. She aligns youth with trivialization, so naturally, she’d front with the opposite. She never gets help in relation to her period. Misato and Ritsuko realize something is up with Asuka but they never really offer her the support.

There’s also the flashback to her trauma in episode 22’s beginning. She’s replaced by her mother post-Contact Experiment (which led to a deterioration of her mental health) via a doll that looks like her, red hair in pigtails. It’s the leading factor to her feigned boldness, her ego. The way in which she is marginalized in the series brings it all back.

Rei breaks the silence with a few words of compassion and all Asuka can do is express disbelief. She mistakes compassion for contempt.

For pity.

The idea that anyone would extend kindness, especially now of all times, is unbelievable.

Asuka also experiences a dilemma here, a dilemma those like her face. She already knows what it means to be vulnerable and deeply hurt, but she needs to make herself vulnerable because now, more than ever, she needs the support. Being vulnerable will cause past traumas to flood back in full force, but by stewing she deprives herself of any support. Rei offers that support, but a few words of support in a wave of trivialization can’t help but feel a bit too strange.

Asuka’s greatest anxiety is realized in the twenty second episode. It’s of being and staying second fiddle, that she’s always been set up to fail. Even 2 episodes after the fact, in which she actually starves herself does she realize once more how she’s permanently ‘below’ others.

Asuka’s curse finds itself in real life, and it’s for that reason why I believe some find themselves resonating with her. Asuka’s gradual descent into bitterness is something I find myself waking up some nights thinking about after 7 years going through Eva; hers is a cautionary tale on being emotionally distant to cries of a damaged youth. Casually imparted knowledge of past achievements, and the competitive attitude mixed with embitterment, some of which from a genuine place but also a product of neglect. We were forced to play second fiddle, we forced ourselves to grow up to feel more legitimate, forced to carry an ire that stews because it seems no one listens.

VIII. Naoko+Casper

The late Naoko Akagi is a woman of multitudes. Those multitudes are compartmentalized into the 3 MAGI. They are Balthasar, Melchior, and Casper.

Casper shows itself to be the most prominent aspect of Naoko’s personality, her as a woman. Ritsuko states that, after the defeat of Iruel, 11th angel, that Casper is the part of her mother which remained that way to the end.

Balthasar and Melchior have been bested, be it by rival MAGI, or Iruel’s assault. This calls back to the fact that Naoko’s other facets aren’t anywhere near as prominent. Naoko has cited her own emotional negligence, of only showing emotions should it ever benefit her.

Casper on 3 occasions fights tooth and nail, Iruel’s assault, an attack by multiple MAGI in End of Evangelion or the defiance of Ritsuko activating the self-destruct sequence. Ritsuko does this to seek vengeance against Gendo for coming to the immense realization that he never genuinely cared for her. Gendo has always used Ritsuko for her body. This would destroy NERV, meaning killing herself and Gendo.

Then you realize why Casper overrides the sequence.

Casper’s stubborn behavior wasn’t actually to defend NERV but to protect Gendo. Casper’s defiance aka Naoko’s emotional absence toward her daughter allowed Gendo to kill a bewildered, rightfully angered Ritsuko.

The saddest part of Casper’s, no, Naoko’s choice is that Naoko got away with murder. Evangelion is a story about children dealing with the selfishness of adults and the adults never receiving justice for their wrongdoings. The relationship between Ritsuko and Naoko is an excellent example that this doesn’t just implicate the young pilots. Ritsuko dies in End of Evangelion with the truth that her mother, as a woman, in the end chose the man who manipulated both of them.

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Some spend their whole lives trying to make a mark. Others can’t help but be known.

People get smart sometimes to get themselves out of a current situation. Kaworu and Rei’s existences are such that they’re deadlocked from living. Their existences are the product of an experiment, to be later heavily watched and raised as the Last Messenger. The latter is the result of Gendo’s obsession with his late wife.

Kaworu and Rei’s existential crises are opposite from the rest of the cast; while others do their damndest to become known, they cannot be unknown. Rei’s character centering more around her identity than other characters is also initially and sneakily alluded in the opening.

The Johari Window is a tool encouraging self-awareness in the person, alluded to twice in the show, with the second time being in the sixteenth episode. Both usages of that illustration, for Rei, and Shinji drive home crucial aspects of the meta-text.

This would also tie Rei to Shinji in End of Evangelion forcing Shinji to reflect on his own awareness and will. Rei is an astute, young girl whose arc is about her personal relationship with identity, something she is all too familiar with due to her objectified nature. Rei’s arc is even more so entrenched in identity than other characters that she is one of the characters imparting personal and universal realities.

Ayanami Rei’s existence from start to finish is inundated with the issues of others, causing her to internalize being always expendable. In Rei’s Poem in episode 14, it becomes clear that she sees herself based on usage. She likens herself to a field of flowers, which slyly alludes to the Dummy System’s “parts” 9 episodes later, other Reis.

Rei is seen as malleable vessel which houses thoughts rather than her own person and she can’t do anything about it. So she resigns to her reality. Even if she does tell off Gendo in End of Evangelion for his objectifying, she’s not even out of the woods. She never will be.

I used to think Rei’s “slap” to the face to the man with the (most) baggage was empowering. Then I learned about abuse during adolescence, how kids who lack a support system act while away from their abusers. Even saying an emphatic “fuck you” to your abusers isn’t enough to be a happy ending. Rei is a girl who lacks a support system and she suffers from it. Start to finish.

Kaworu’s crises are much trickier to pinpoint because there’s so little to work with. He doesn’t get an episode dealing with personal, subconscious explorations. Getting his character means first getting how Evangelion re-contextualizes what “Ode to Joy” symbolizes. It also means understanding the AT-Field and most people won’t pick that up on an initial foray. Or maybe even a second. Most people don’t pick up that the AT Field implicates anything living and physical or its metaphor for boundaries and identity. There’s the common misconception that Evangelion is a “human” show.

Kaworu marks off his appearance humming “Ode to Joy” while Shinji wonders who to turn to. It’s a song generally known for its jovial nature, but most importantly, Ode to Joy is:

known also as the “Choral” Symphony. Its finale is a musical setting of Friedrich von Schiller ’s “Ode to Joy,” a hymn to the unity and freedom of humanity.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ninth-symphony

The Choral Symphony assumes a more horrific context later on. Kaworu is the last messenger and what his action is would lead to the mass annihilation to lilin/human or angels. ‘Unity of man’ is changed in Eva’s context – it marks either unity of man or the death of man. It doesn’t matter who Kaworu allows unity to, because his hands would be stained with death anyway. Then you realize why Kaworu deploys his most powerful AT Field during his descent to Heaven’s Door.

This is his reality.

Kaworu’s status as the Angel of Free Will isn’t about him being the only complex angel, as a lot of people think. It’s about being the sole individual handing that freedom to others.

You realize his terrifying dilemma goes to the tune of being feared for his own existence as an angel (which he notes to Shinji) and not being able to properly live.

Sometimes you ”hurt” people by existing.

Sometimes people hate you for the simple act of existing.

Kaworu’s and Rei’s terror is the other end of existential horror, that you can’t help but forced to be known. Sometimes you have knowledge but aren’t allowed to do much with it.

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

Episode 18 is where anxieties graduate into horrors both implied and visceral. Unease hangs over the episode, with the mystery of Unit-04’s disappearance and tests being done on Unit-03. Misato tells Shinji that because tests would be done, there’d be a pilot there. Misato uneasily withholds this info from Shinji and Kensuke breaks the silence with his recurring desire of being a pilot, still ignorant of the war horrors. There’s a subtlety that Shinji picks up on with Toji but not enough to put two and two together: that the big-eater himself isn’t feeling so hot.

The continual chirp of cicadas and birds nor the peel of the school bell are enough to break the unease of the viewer or of Toji. Toji goes from indirectly being affected by war vs angels to being chosen, drafted even, a child at the first line of defense for the apocalypse. We get a flashback of him beating down Shinji, before it cuts back to present day Toji. He will be in Shinji’s shoes.

Toji balls a fist, a recurring theme in Eva, to the tune of “What is your hand for?” Toji is finally about to take things into his own hands.

Asuka takes a few cracks at Shinji to Hikari that he hasn’t quite gotten the memo, but when Shinji asks her even she’s halted in words.

Then the day comes.

Tests are being done and suddenly Unit-03 goes rogue with Toji in her (note the Evangelions have the souls of the pilots’ mothers, save for Rei). Unit-03’s’s strange behavior is revealed to be the work of the 13th angel, Bardiel. Shinji’s ignorance is made worse by Misato’s absence (with Misato telling Ritsuko she’d tell Shinji the pilot’s info after the tests). Units 00 through 02 are sent out for the new threat and Shinji sees this new threat. Anxiety rises.

The song “Marking Time Waiting for Death” accentuates the anxiety. Unit-03’s silhouette eerily contrasts with the sun, her body slightly hunched and approaching slowly.

Fear washes over Shinji when he deduces that with an Evangelion inside, there must be a pilot.

Yet he still doesn’t know.

The other pilots are aware, and show reluctance to the revelation. A hijacked Unit-03 sets herself on Asuka, Rei, and even strangling Shinji. Shinji allows the angel-hijacked-being to strangle him, because killing another human being is simply horrific.

Eva has its hand in the war morals cookie jar here because Shinji stands at a conundrum, to other let this creature take his life or to murder flesh and blood. This dilemma goes double-time in war. Gendo asks why Shinji hasn’t dealt with the 13th yet, with a somewhat horrified Shinji pleading about the pilot. Gendo commands for the unfinished Dummy System to override Shinji’s controls and then suddenly...silence….

The Dummy Controlled Unit-01 springs back and we’re treated to a close-up of Unit-03/Bardi3l being strangled.

A nauseating crunch sounds and the unit goes limp. A controlled Unit-01 proceeds to raise hell on the incapacitated enemy, resulting in the unit’s blood and guts flowing through the streets. NERV’s personnel can’t do anything save for become fearful at the Dummy System’s capabilities. Terrible, visceral noises sound one by one as blows strike, as the unit’s severed limbs and blood splatters riddle the urban battlefield. Shinji hears every second, every squelch and splat.

Imagine the pain of 03’s pilot.

But the terrors don’t cease here.

01 doesn’t stop at just raising hell on the incapacitated 03, and we’re treated to another close-up shot of 01 tightly holding onto 03’s entry plug, before crushing it.

Somewhere away, Misato receives news that Unit-03 has been dispatched as an angel. Shinji feels the weight of having actually killed someone, before Misato actually breaks the news that the pilot is not only alive but that the greatly injured pilot is his classmate.

It never really hit me until now how this scene holds another horrifying subtlety. Compare this to episode 3, where Toji’s first interaction with Shinji involved him punching him, the very scene playing at this episode’s beginning. The 18th episode ends now with ,Toji and Shinji are both joined in the same camp, of children emotionally and physically marred by war, not able to fully control their situations.

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Sequence

Shinji stands in a situation where he can no longer take the terrors aligned with the Evangelion. He’s gone from sustaining injuries great and small from combat with the eldritch angels, to indirectly harming a friend through it. He resigns from his position as a pilot, understandably running away even with the approach of the 14th angel.

After a talk with Kaji about how he can control his future and he only, Shinji once again puts himself at the forefront of further pains. He must once more thrust himself to the terrors that align with the war-machines whilst struggling with other traumas.

During his fight against Zeruel, his Evangelion dies out and it all floods back to him. Shinji once again finds himself at a position of no power, frantically pressing at his controls to no avail.

He can only hear blow after blow of the 14th’s onslaught. He and Unit-01 are at their most vulnerable.

Until Unit-01 springs back.

W hat follows is the famous Berserk sequence, a scene whose terror can be thanks to Evangelion’s low budget.

We see the Evangelion in all her terror and the sort of off-ness that carries in this scene.

Episode 19 has no problems on treating us to front-row tickets to terror.

Unit-01 snatches part of Zeruel’s appendage and adds it to her mass. A sickening squelch sounds and her new appendage contorts into place in an instant.

She moves over to her incapacitated, angelic meal and doesn’t hesitate to chow down. The shots feel too personal yet nowhere near in the sense of the show’s meta-textual reflections. It’s almost like stumbling on a cryptid and when she shoots a look at the viewer, it feels as if she’s looking at us, like we’ve interrupted her dinner. Or perhaps she did finish the meal... and she’s in the mood for seconds? Perhaps even thirds?

The bizarre and eldritch nature of the Evangelions goes full force with this imagery. Episodes 2 and 16 laid the foundation of how off the Evangelion Unit-01 was with how she openly mutilates her targets. Or even the unsettling roar of Unit-01 that’s not entirely bestial. The sound is straddles a line between the blood-curdling bestial and the human. But here? Eva Unit-01’s position, from her hunched figure, to her more feral position as she feasts, feels far too organic...and far too human.

The Evas themselves aren’t human, but the souls housed within are. Eva’s souls are souls of the respective pilots’ mothers, an example of the mother and child symbolism omnipresent in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Shinji’s mother is Yui and as we go through the series, we realize the s2 engine appliance was intentional. An s2 engine offers infinite stores of energy and this is needed for Instrumentality. With the s2 engine within her grasp and the fact that Evas don’t subsist on anything, this would make the consumption of 14th completely recreational.

It’s super tempting to frame this scene as containing some abomination that now stands unchained and indiscriminate in its targets, but it isn’t. It’s sort of understandable because Units 00 and 02 don’t come close to exhibiting this sort of behavior nor were they in this circumstance. Neither Unit-00 nor 02 have any desires in regard to Instrumentality. In the end, we should look to Yui and her own endgame, because Yui’s running the show here.

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

Ritsuko states the Dummy Plugs are machines which imitate pilot’s thinking. There’s a bit more than the possibility of this being 100% AI due to the apparatus Rei is in.

This very likely implies the respective person’s thought processes added with AI programmed in a way which best “describes” the pilot (basically how they are perceived). In episode 17, Rei is situated in this apparatus strongly resembling the central nervous system, the brain and the spinal cord.

{The central nervous system CNS is responsible for integrating sensory information and responding accordingly. It consists of two main components:

1. The spinal cord serves as a conduit for signals between the brain and the rest of the body. It also controls simple musculoskeletal reflexes without input from the brain.

2. The brain is responsible for integrating most sensory information and coordinating body function, both consciously and unconsciously. Complex functions such as thinking and feeling as well as regulation of homeostasis are attributable to different parts of the brain.

https://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb135e/central.html

Ritsuko imparts the unsettling revelation about Rei and by extension the Dummy Plant itself (after Misato coerced her into learning about Rei). The Reis are the core of the Dummy Plugs (and the System used to brutalize a hijacked Unit-03 and its trapped pilot). This scene adds more to the extent of Rei’s objectification, of her being replaced. It adds on to Rei III’s comment of being ‘the third.’

Rei isn’t savage by any means but the sheer brutality of Dummy System’d Unit-01 5 episodes prior may hint at her straightforward nature.

I’d like to pitch that Ritsuko’s approach to Rei’s Dummy Data was also the product of her subtle animosity toward Rei. When she refers to the Dummy Plug as a machine which mimics human thinking, she’s talking about Rei. She also refers to her similarly in episode 23 by referring to Rei as spare parts, as if Rei herself is some soulless machine whose parts can be switched out if need be. This could also call back to Rei’s poem, in which she calls herself a vessel which holds human thoughts.

Another question remains: how does Kaworu play into this?

The MPEs (the Mass Production Evangelion series) use Kaworu’s Dummy data, meaning that there are cloned Kaworus stored off somewhere, perhaps floating with soulless smiles the same as Rei has.

Treated as spare parts.

This also implies that Kaworu is more or less reduced to an object.

What’s more disturbing is the nature of the MPEs gratuitous method of ravaging and mutilating Unit-02 and by extension Asuka.

Kaworu hasn’t ever demonstrated any degree of malice, so this can’t really insinuate a ‘Kaworu is secretly evil’ narrative. But this can tie back to a recurring theme of humans fearing and despising angels. It’s because of this that the revelation of our genetically identical nature or the fact that they can comprehend our psychology is framed in-show as kind of shocking. It is because we’re so disturbed at the angels’ existence (or anything else we don’t comprehend) that we view them as inherently savage in nature. Kaworu’s quick-to-perceive personality most likely translated itself along with the AI. This would also rule in the somewhat strategic way in which the MPEs act against Asuka, exploiting her attack patterns through surprise attacks.

Some of Kaworu’s as well as Rei’s Dummy Data are the product of universal (Kaworu) and personal (Rei) contempt by people. Let that sink in.

XIII. Kaworu’s + Adam’s True Power

The bottom of the fridge horror portion of this iceberg is something that has subtly plagued me for years. We’ve only ever caught glimpses of Kaworu’s abilities in his debut episode. I picked up on it little by little with each re-watch of the episode, with every other time his abilities dawning on me. If I wasn’t focusing on how his character fits in the greater framework of Evangelion, I was cluing in on his abilities.

One of his abilities is being able to block out light, magnetism, and subatomic particles. Some of the forces which make up the universe. This witnessed by the viewer when he realizes the whole of humanity’s welfare hangs by a thread, due to the coexistence of angels and Adam.

Adam.

Adam’s soul lies within Kaworu. Adam. Who utilized an Anti-AT Field which caused Second Impact. An Anti-AT Field, which killed off much of the Katsuragi Crew in Antarctica.

This makes Kaworu the most powerful angel in the original Evangelion series.

Eva has shown that ownership of an angel’s soul (or partially, if you’re onboard the Rei I is in Unit-00 theory) allows the person to inherit the angel’s abilities through Rei. Rei blocks off Kaworu’s immensely powerful field with one of her own, canceling out both as a result. As we know, AT Fields for people are a figurative affair. People lack the physiology to exhibit a physical AT Field because they don’t have cores like angels do. Angels’ souls when possessed by humans have a sort of ability to circumvent parts of human physiology (if you’re looking for the whole package, you should eat angel’s flesh too). Rei also shows the ability to float, implied in episode 24 and shown explicitly in End of Evangelion.

But this raises a few questions about the last messenger is the ability to block out some of the forces of the universe Adam’s powers or Kaworu’s? Another ability that continues to plague me the more I think about it is Kaworu’s AT-Field usage on Heaven’s Door to bypass its lock.

We haven’t actually seen Adam’s other powers (if the angel has any) because the it’s anti-AT Field was halted via Lance of Longinus. Other than its ethereal appearance in flashbacks, we only see an incapacitated Adam in embryonic form. That’s it. We don’t know if Adam exhibits any other powers due to this impediment. If Adam does have more powers, this would add onto both the fridge horror factor of Adam and Kaworu.

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

There’s something that implicates the whole cast. Something that goes beyond the meaning of the AT-Field, and the all-too-known Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

Eva is filled to the very brim with psychological concepts, but there’s one thing which ties this all together. It goes much larger than the desire to become validated or cycles of abuse and unresolved issues to a newer generation.

Free Will Vs. Determinism ties the entire cast together and is disturbing in its own right. It not only ties the cast together but also contributes to Eva’s meta-narrative.

Episode 16’s sequence with Leliel, Shinji, and the Johari Window gives little breadcrumbs to this psychological dilemma. Leliel teaches Shinji about his own identity as well as slowly ushering him to a sense of self-awareness. Leliel also attempts to usher Shinji out of filtering reality with only convenient parts. Shinji argues that he can’t really be held culpable for his actions, because the one and only reality is that reality is awful, bar none. Not his reality, but reality as a whole. This deterministic stance becomes ever more blatant 8 episodes later with the appearance of Nagisa Kaworu.

Kaworu’s designation is the angel of free will. The irony of this stands in the fact that Kaworu isn’t the only angel who can exhibit free will (with some of the angels before him taking the time to try comprehending people). Kaworu’s status comes from his identity as the last messenger, bringing about freedom for one species (humans/lilin or angels) at the expense of the other. Kaworu knows his reality well and in the end, seeks to better the reality of those around him. Eva doesn’t romanticize the prospect of free will, however, because Kaworu is so aware of his own person and how he can hurt those around him that it greatly bothers him.

The metatext doesn’t just position Shinji as being in the wrong, but also the audience. Remember the point I made before about Shinji being the audience substitute? It’s further hammered home from the series’ tail end and into End of Evangelion.

“That’s just the way things are.” is a common response to things in life we feel resigned on changing, because we don’t know how to change them. This quote is a parallel to Shinji’s “humans aren’t made to float!” in episode 16.

Shinji does know how to change much of his reality, but by doing so he’d be pushed into free will. Free Will is the solution and it means holding yourself accountable rather than believe that it’s everyone else with the problem. With the idea that you can change your reality, it offers you the opportunity to love yourself.

If you love yourself, then it becomes much easier to love others.

Eva’s free will and determinism metatext hammers home the extension of empathy.

Shinji/the viewer’s greatest problem is that because we don’t love ourselves it makes it difficult to extend the love to everyone else. Shinji’s love translates as idealism. Because of his unhealthy idealism, he is hindered from understanding people.

By ascribing your beliefs from determinism to free will, it opens your mind to an entire world of possibilities, but therein lies the terror. It is because of these possibilities that Shinji and by extension, the viewer, likely fears free will. Shinji finds ways make himself validated, but with free will, the argument could be made that it doesn’t matter. There’s the anxiety-crippling likelihood that none of it actually matters, because your existence doesn’t matter. If we’re going on this bent, acts of making an adequate impression on others are acts of personal denial. In the end, these are what they are, possibilities.

The greatest terror of it all is that we don’t know.

User power-chords makes an excellent point about the inherent darkness of an internal locus of control.

User power-chords posits the idea of existential absurdity for Shinji not as a certainty but a possibility. There’s always a likelihood that our desires to comprehend the world around us, to find ultimate understanding are in vain.

Cheesy as it sounds, people fear ambiguity because we seek a satisfying end. We don’t just seek answers. We want outside closure and inner peace, but we won’t always get it. It’s why we rationalize relationships that end on bad notes. Sometimes you worry about your falling-outs...and it hurts. You never got the answers your wanted so this pain carries, for months, sometimes even for years. Dwelling on the issue serves no purpose other than to keep that hurt with you. The best thing to do sometimes is to find your own closure, your own meaning.

No, Evangelion isn’t actually pro-nihilism, but it presents us with that likelihood. That’s what makes this aspect of the narrative so terrifying: The consideration that we find meaning in the meaningless.

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

The nature of injuries and having them in adds onto the innate horror --be it war or otherwise-- and themes of the Evangelion. The severity of the injury is based on how high the pilot’s sync ratio is. An average rate while sustaining damage will bring hurt to the actual pilot in the respective spot. Some examples:

Sachiel makes multiple headblows to Unit-01 and Shinji in episode 2, causing head trauma.

Ramiel’s, (5th angel), particle beam attack in episode 6, an attack so severe that Shinji needed medical care.

Unit-00 and Rei being infected by a Bardiel hijacked Unit-03 in episode 18. Toji’s condition in episode 18 stands as a large example of the innately disturbing nature of sustained injuries.

Toji’s condition becomes all the more nauseating when you see Evangelion parts and blood flow through Tokyo-3.

Toji could feel every last second of strangulation, body blow, and feel the unspeakable pain of his arm being severed. Let that sink in.

Asuka receives the worst of these considering the nature of her sync rate being high. The higher the rate the more kept the damage is. The circumstances behind Asuka getting the worst of it goes back to the AT-Field. Asuka understood the meaning of the AT-Field, that the more you open yourself up to others, the more hurt you become. The realization dawns on Asuka as her mother from within the Evangelion shields her from the onslaught of JSSDF troops.

It’s then that Asuka finally comprehends what the Absolute Terror Field is. Despite her emotional needs being neglected, realizing she’s set up to fail, and going comatose she still goes on.

Asuka, despite everything, takes a chance and opens her heart knowing the double-edged nature of the AT Field. What happens next?

Asuka took a chance.

She opened her heart...

...and she got hurt all because she opened herself.

XVI. Unit 01+MPE Gorging Sequences

The brutality of both Unit-01 and the Mass Production Evas holds three layers: of visual horror, implied horror, and thematic horror. Unit-01, after taking Zeruel’s s2 engine into herself, proceeds to then brutalize the 14th angel by way of still gorging on it. The feeding was entirely recreational considering Evangelions don’t subsist on food to function. This was more about the sheer act of brutality for brutality’ sake.

The Mass Production Evas also fall under this category, the way in which they deal with Asuka after incapacitating her with a replicated Lance of Longinus is also sadistic and gratuitous. They also proceed to gorge on Asuka, her fate made worse through the simple fact that her sync rate is heightened.

The MPEs don’t even swiftly finish her off. She is in a state of tremendous and unimaginable pain. They fly above her slowly, circling above her mangled Eva.

They are almost mocking her as she can do nothing, save for writhe. Asuka’s seething, repeated “I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you….” is then silenced by the MPEs spearing her down.

The brutality doesn’t end there, as we see much darker implications of the damage sustained toward the end of the first half of End of Evangelion.

Shinji bears witness to the implications after seeing the decimated remains of Unit-02 being carried off by some of the Mass Production Units. The sickening reality of it all dawns on him and he is once more exposed to the woes of war and the nightmarish aspect tied of the Evangelions.

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arqa

We’re ending the pre-abyssal end of the iceberg with Evangelion’s original proposal.

Eva’s proposal, a far cry to the show today, had a more sci-fi angle to it. Psychological concepts weren’t exactly pitched nor was it self-aware. The angels weren’t even referred to as the angels, but as the Apostolos. Instead of the 18 we were presented with in the original show and the movies, there were 28 Apostolos.

The Apostolos designs stand as testament to how far of a departure the proposal was to the final cut. They look far more menacing than the more amorphous, much softer defined, beady-eyed angels we’re used to. To top it all off, the Apostolos were the de facto villains of Evangelion’s prototype pitch. The Apostolos in the Proposal, toward the end, proceed their onslaught as a group rather than the series’ one by one. Toward the series’ end, the 12 strongest Apostolos begin their assault on North America, annihilating the continent in its entirety.

Only 12 of the creatures laid waste to a singular continent.

Episode 24: "Now, the Promised Time"

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Episode 25: "Arqa, the Promised Land"

The laboratory holds the ancient ruins of Arqa, which have become key. In order to stop the twelve Apostolos, the United Nations' head members annul the Human Instrumentality Project and resolve to destroy the Apostolos. Shinji's father objects. Shinji and the others stay at the laboratory for Rei. A drama of people conflicting over incongruous objectives.

https://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Neon_Genesis_Evangelion_Proposal_(Translation)

The aforesaid creatures were so powerful in the original pitch that Human Instrumentality and the ancient ruins of Arqa would be the way of stopping the onslaught.

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

As the last and most explicit aspect of original Evangelion, it would only make sense that EoE specific content would take its place in Tier 5. End of Evangelion is a 90 + minute tour de force with disturbing imagery back-to-back. Split Second Misato Death refers to one of the most unsettling images sprinkled all throughout the movie. Here are a few of the many examples of EoE’s building up on Evangelion’s ugliest parts.

Everyone cites the infamous hospital scene not even 5 minutes into the film as the first proof, but user power-chords has pointed out, Shinji has actually attempted suicide (refer to the ‘Free Will v. Determinism’ part of the iceberg.)

After Misato is mortally wounded and sends Shinji off in an elevator not long after, the JSSDF blow up that part of NERV. A few people have pointed out the most disturbing facet of this scene: through freeze-framing that you can actually see Misato’s body during.

The JSSDF scene partway through End of Evangelion in which NERV personnel are summarily annihilated.

For those missing the small detail of Shinji’s attempted suicide ,Shinji’s depressed state is made more clear when the JSSDF locate him. When they do they attempt to kill him execution style. Shinji doesn’t move.

“I don’t want to die…!” during the JSSDF’s assault, Asuka is awoken from comatose state. She is protected by her mother via an AT-Field by Unit-02. She gains back her self-preservation after this realization, and multitude of images play. One of them is an extremely gruesome close-up of Asuka’s face. (extreme body horror warning, proceed with caution)

The Komm Susser Tod scene beginning with Shinji strangling Asuka in harsh coloring, Naoko’s same action toward Rei plays right after. A few disturbing child drawings follow after, predominantly featuring death. (seizure warning, body horror warning)

End of Evangelion’s flooring nature comes from the fact that it builds up on the subtly horrific and makes these terrors explicit. Whatever existed beyond closed doors becomes now available for us to see,

XVIII. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

At the penultimate point of the abyss lies a horror as old as much of time. Of the humane being more disgusting than the monsters.

That we can be monstrous.

This fact becomes known with the appearance of the JSSDF as dispatched by SEELE, methodically mowing down NERV personnel with little to no weaponry of their own. We’re treated to NERV’s personnel in their hallways, some forced with the moral dilemma of leaving their own to die while surviving or helping their own while both end up being gunned down.

It becomes apparent that SEELE has been gradually, intentionally chipping away at NERV’s Defense Budget, getting rid of the (little) competition they have after the defeat of the Last Messenger.

There’s a degree of contempt and casual sadism that comes with how they kill the personnel. In one instance, a NERV worker surrenders to the JSSDF, before being killed off in execution style in the distance (one headshot plus two extra shots for good measure).

When you look back at it, this sort of sheer, unabashed brutality wasn’t felt about the angels. Human attitude about the angels is largely fearing, anxious. This attitude accentuated itself through a sometimes nervous soundscape. Of observing these weird, ghastly creatures as they creep and swim. And the feeling’s mutual. The problem is that we don’t know.

But here? We do know.

When the JSSDF move in, the anxiety of angels graduates to the full-force dread of creatures that have killed before. The greatest enemy to humanity has always been with them all along, forcing them to a catch-22. The dread falls on Maya because she understands this perfectly. NERV has only ever shot at targets rather than living flesh…

...and SEELE knows this.

SEELE’s slow, but sure suppression of NERV’s budget is kicking a man while he’s down, but the man in question is a child instead. The JSSDF have more than enough firepower, calling it overkill goes beyond an understatement.

The JSSDF demonstrate the lack of remorse further with the discovery of Third Child, Shinji Ikari. One of the members presses the barrel to Shinji’s head before Misato steps in and kills the members.

The JSSDF isn’t the only damning evidence of how ugly members of humanity can be, however.

Humanity’s on-occasion grossness shows itself in small ways throughout the series, in dislike and conscious emotional distance for individuals, or beliefs of the angels being unintelligent and/or savage. Other times it manifests fiscally, in orchestrating more ethical approaches to stopping certain destruction to go seemingly haywire in order for NERV to receive more funding. This all due to a rival company of NERV challenging the very idea for its usage of child soldiers.

The worst of this damning fact is that many of the morally repugnant members exist on a higher echelon of society. There are Gendos running around, doing as they so please and they’re the tip of their echelon iceberg.

XIX. The Ultimate Paradox of Evangelion

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.”

We’re treated to these words as Shinji finds himself on shores surrounded by an isolate hellscape, with Asuka next to him. The strange and altogether horrific nature of End of Evangelion has gotten fans believing on End of Evangelion’s endgame was in certain, nihilistic. But Eva dipping its hand in the likelihood of meaning in the existentially meaningless isn’t even the ultimate terror of Eva’s self-aware universe, nor is it the tendency for man to become contemptible towards itself.

Evangelion greatest terror is the paradoxical nature of free will.

Yui’s words to her son as she drifts off into the ever-expanding cosmos, her status as a deity realized, is that paradise is universal. EoE assumes this unconventionally positive approach to a whole series worth of characters’ woes. The issue is: finding paradise is ultimately conditional.

Free Will’s paradoxical nature is what gives credence to the ongoing Free Will vs. Determinism dilemma. People can use their free will to take away yours entirely and this is most evident with Rei. Her existence is the result of a man’s unhealthy attachment to his wife, her lack of self-preservation the result of being conditioned as a multi-purpose vessel; her desire to merge with Lilith to become an omnipresent mother-figure was not hers. The nature of disallowing free will exists on a spectrum, as people can use their free will not to take away the whole of others’ freedoms, but to disallow them proper emotional growth. The adults around Asuka weren’t around for her during the series, leading to her eventual downfall.

Unit-01, throughout much of the second part of EoE holds the power to give or deny people’s physicality due to her status of having both Fruits of Life (the s2 engine held by angels) and Wisdom (from the Lance of Longinus merged with the Eva earlier on). This gives Unit-01 her deity status and while within Lilith-Rei, Shinji realizes that not everyone would be there in his life, that he can’t be in the center of others’ lives. It’s for that reason why he denies people’s physicality (“They can all just die.”), which turns people into LCL.

Shinji gives allows people the ability to come back from Instrumentality after realization arises that without other people, there’s no way to tell if Shinji, himself exists or not. Kaworu and Rei also give him the reality that with people back, pain will become an inevitability once more. With all the souls gathered by Lilith-Rei, they are released after her death.

With the souls of those cast into Instrumentality dispersed, those turned into LCL now hold the ability to come back from Instrumentality if they so choose.

While the idea of anywhere being paradise rings true, it’s not entirely satisfying to say that EoE is unconventional in its uplifting message to the viewer. Evangelion is at its core a cautionary tale. It warns the viewer into extensions of empathy and openness that others would properly live. This goes double for those with power. Without that compassion, we’ll have Asukas, Misatos, Ristukos, as well as Reis, those in the world whose downfalls come from emotional absences, neglect, objectification, and forced baggage. We would have Shinjis, those wanting to be at the nexus of others’ importance because they were deprived while young.

Kindness is a powerful thing and the lack of compassion present in all of Eva implicates most everyone. It leads to yet more abusive cycles, with the only thing breaking that cycle being a hand for those in need.

XX. Conclusion

What more can be said over this juggernaut which is a host to a bevvy of darkness? Evangelion is testament that anxieties and horror don’t need to start out as blatantly shocking or visceral to make an impact years down the line. They also don’t need to be out in the open to initially hook you either. You pick up on a few anxieties as well as horrors and you realize deep down, there must be more, which drives many of us to engage in this often times unabashedly dark source material.

Some of us are doing it later in the throes of adolescences, others are doing so well into their 20s, possibly dipping into their 30s. Point is, it draws in a lot of us and for a lot of us, it doesn’t ever let go.

Some of its charm could be chalked to the visceral ways in which characters interact. Even after years of re-watches, I’m still learning new things about the child soldiers, and I’m quite sure there’s others finding small details. There’s also the possibility of Eva’s approach to terror. I think Evangelion “humanized” its horror. It didn’t make horror a universally human feeling, but made it so that the true big bads looking to cause apocalypse weren’t actually the eldritch. Many of the angels are more or less lost kids looking for their mother (I still think Ramiel’s “singing” in episode 5 was it calling for its mother!).

With those newer details after 20+ years, there will be more added to the iceberg. Hell, there should be more added to the iceberg. This iceberg is the tip of an even greater iceberg. I’m still learning about their adults and their desires as well, how cyclical their actions are. For others, the draw-in factor lies in its low budget. Personally, it’s all of these for me: the low budget helped cement these darker aspects of the series due to horror and the genre’s overall relationship with limitation. It works best on limitation and had Eva worked with a much higher budget, I don’t think the content would be as effective, or perhaps it’d be much more difficult to make it so.

Evangelion is such a well-done, deceptively compact series that each lens a fan assumes has its own interesting rabbit hole. Your circumstance shapes the experience, and this too involves how you navigate the series’ menagerie of terrors.

I’d also like to thank the reader for getting through the largest rabbit hole in Evangelion. I’d also like to thank you for getting through the whole of this meta from a fan who slowly began to resonate with the characters as the years went on!

#neon genesis evangelion #shinji #kaworu #asuka #rei #seizure warning #body horror warning #suicide mention #correct me if im wrong #credit goes to twitter user decoratedboar for the iceberg picture help #and fixes

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y0itsbri · 3 years

Note

Hi Bri 🥰

C-16 if you'd like to 👀

Coffee dates and disasters

au with college!lip and barista!mandy where ian is a frequent visitor at the campus café and meets mickey under rather unfortunate circumstances. don't cry over spilled milk, buddy.

which also fits under a.u.gust for @gallavichthings

words: 2.4k

"never would have thought you the type to come to one of these places," ian mused, looking around the small café with only lamps and string lights illuminating the space. "can't believe college changed you, man," ian clutched at his heart dramatically.

"don't worry. 'm still the annoying bastard you love so dearly," lip squeezed ian's shoulder before he sauntered up to the counter.

the barista's bored expressed brightened when she saw them. her perky demeanor was matched by a high pitched voice, "hey lip," she smiled, dark lipstick striking. she appraised ian with a somewhat predatory eye, "hello, lip's friend."

"uh, brother," ian coughed.

lip rolled his eyes, "and he's gay so don't even try it, mandy."

she pouted and flicked her hair behind her shoulder, "not that it's any of your business, anyways."

ian chuckled besides him, drawing another smile out of mandy, this one kinder, sweeter.

"what can i get you boys?"

the pink highlights glistened in her dark hair as she whipped up lip's cold brew and ian's caramel macchiato, then proceeded to insist that this one is on the house. neither of them argued, but thanked her before they settled down in some stools by the window.

"fucking the barista privileges?" ian asked, raising his eyebrow at his slut of a brother.

"i think of it more like fellow south sider charity," he rubbed his bottom lip, "but yours works too," lip smirked around the edges of his coffee cup.

"you're an idiot."

"can a man who got us free drinks really be deemed an idiot?" lip philosophized.

ian paused, taking a moment of thorough consideration. he looked lip straight in the eyes as he answered, "if that man is you, then without a doubt."

lip tried to knock ian's cup out of his hand, but failed at his attempt. ian thanked his well-practiced jrotc skills and a lifetime experience of growing up in a house packed with annoying siblings for his victory.

they chatted about the robotics classes lip was taking, how he got full-time access to one of the labs, and his weird ass roommate who may or may not be gay if ian is at all interested. ian scrunched up his face. after hearing so many horror stories about the guy, ian didn't want anywhere near him. he wasn't that desperate yet.

the second that lip was out of his seat and heading to the bathroom, the beautiful mess that was mandy descended.

"hiiii lip's gay brother," she leaned against the table.

"it's ian," he spun his empty cup in his hands. he couldn't help himself from smiling at her charisma.

"well hi, ian, i just wanted to say sorry if i spooked you earlier. i just had no idea lip's brother would be so cute!"

"his ugly mug's not too hard to beat." ian laughed. "he got the short end of the gallagher stick, literally."

"cute and charming. you're funny, ian gallagher, i like you." she placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment, a movement so soft compared to her rather frantic appearance. "come back here anytime and it's on the house, yeah? i work most evenings after three."

"oh. uh- okay," ian scrambled for words, "thanks."

she squeezed his shoulder once before lip returned with a rather obnoxious entrance.

"ayo mands, stop harassing him!"

ian ducked his head in embarrassment.

"oh, shut up! i'm just clearing your cups," she winked at ian as she left.

mandy was something else. but she was kind and good company. ian could get used to the chill atmosphere over the chaos of the gallagher house anytime. he might just take up her offer.

"you'd think with all the time you spend here, you'd be offered a scholarship or something by now." mandy sipped on her chocolate frappuccino as she laid her feet across ian's lap. he always made sure to come visit during her breaks at least twice a week during the past couple months.

ian shrugged, "guess they only had room for one gallagher."

mandy hit his arm in a way that hurt. lip was fucked if he ever broke her heart.

"does fiona even know that this is where you sneak off to?"

"yeah." mandy's look said she didn't believe him. "well, kinda. she thinks i'm visiting lip, brotherly duties and all."

"yeah? how are those brotherly duties?"

"fuck if i know."

she laughed.

"i still think you should apply here for next fall," she encouraged, "could take some art classes."

"i suck at art."

"chemistry?"

"failed that."

"business?"

"yeah, no thanks."

mandy flipped him off, "fine. botany?

"ya know what? sure." he had always wanted to grow tomatoes.

"really?!"

"heart wants what it wants, mandy. we can't all be psychology brainiacs."

"brains and beauty, what can i say?" she teased. ian laughed, eyes glistening towards his friend. mandy made things better.

"hey," she continued, "there's this concert on the main campus lawn this weekend, you should totally come!"

"isn't that just for students?"

"they don't card, dummy."

"right, right, i knew that."

"sureeee. you in?"

ian mentally checked his work schedule.

"i'm in."

lip and ian strolled into the café a few days later. okay, maybe ian had felt a bit guilty for abandoning his brotherly duties lately, but at least this way he could hang out with both his best friends. well he could have if he remembered the fact that mandy had the day off for her behavioral neuroscience midterm. they had literally spent her previous shift reviewing the terms, he should have known.

ian's couldn't help his face from falling as another blonde barista took their orders, mostly eyeing lip the whole time.

"hi lip," she smiled a little too sincerely, "what can i get for you today?"

ian had ordered something new at the recommendation of the blonde and he was not a fan. and to make matters worse, he had to actually pay for the atrocity that he wouldn't even be able to finish.

"so how's your little coffee dates with mandy?" lip asked over his cup.

ian nearly choked on his god-awful americano. "how'd you know?"

"please. she's obsessed with you. every time i see her, it's 'ian this,' 'ian that,' 'ian might apply here in next year.'"

"oh."

"yeah, oh. when were you gonna tell me?!"

“it’s all mandy’s idea, i’m not even sure i want to,” ian muttered, refusing to make eye contact.

“dude, i’ve literally shared a room with you since the day you popped out of monica’s wretched womb, you think I can’t tell when you’re lying?”

okay maybe ian had been getting increasingly more excited about the idea of attending school and actually learning things that he wants to learn. something that might actually lead him somewhere real since rotc was looking more and more like a poor man's fantasy the more that he thought about it.

“I was gonna tell you, swear on it.” and he was. once he convinced himself that lip wasn't going to straight up laugh in his face. but the look in his eye seemed genuinely supportive.

“mhm, i gotta catch my english lit class," lip stood up, swinging his tattered tan backpack across one shoulder. he patted ian's shoulder in his big brother ways, "don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

“yeah, yeah for sure! have fun learning a language you already know!” lip flipped him off at his smartass remark.

soon after, ian stood up to return his drink to the counter, the anxiety from the conversation making him entirely lose whatever appetite he might have had. plus, it wasn’t the same here without lip or mandy. he just wanted to be wrapped up in a cocoon in his own bed. but that was so far away. maybe he could catch an early ride—

thump.

ian crashed into a guy’s sturdy body.

the remnants of his shitty drink spilled in an americano nightmare over both of them, ceramic pieces shattering on the floor in a truly horrific manner.

ian yipped and the other man let out a grunt of irritation.

they were fucking soaked. well, at least the coffee wasn't hot? ian tried justifying the situation, but, nah, this was bad.

"shit! i'm so sorry, lemme," ian reached out and the shorter man flinched away.

they were now far enough apart that ian got a good look at him. a leather jacket.. now covered in ian's drink -- shit. and shockingly piercing blue eyes that lingered too long on ian's before his cheeks turned a shade of pink that made ian's stomach flutter.

he might have seemed cold if he didn’t make ian feel so warm.

"it’s cool, man. i gotta go, uh," and he walked out of the café without looking back.

fuck.

ian smelled like coffee the entire train ride to the back of the yards. he laid in his bed regretting his entire life.

no mandy. no lip. no dignity.

the day of the concert that mandy had invited him to rolled around. ian wouldn’t admit it, but he was nervous to spend a coffee-less evening with mandy, their entire friendship built inside that one room. his little bubble of safety was bursting.

well, to be honest, the bubble had burst the moment that his disaster of a coffee was spilled onto one of the most ridiculously pretty guys that he's ever seen. every time he closed his eyes, he remembered the guy’s face shift from hostile to something else. he was torn between wanting to know the his name and also on never seeing him again in fear that he would simply pass away of embarrassment.

hopefully mandy hadn't heard about it. they may not have been friends for a long time, but he already knew that she would never let him live it down.

"hey ian!" her familiar voice called. that sounded promising.

his face fell with relief as he finally spotted her at the corner. she embraced him in a warm hug before pulling back and giving him a once over.

"huh, could have sworn you'd still have coffee behind your ear or something after the description karen gave me of your little disaster the other day." she smirked, quite literally double checking behind his ears as they turned hot under her gaze.

"ugh, fuck, how much did she tell you?" he itched his forehead and scrunched up his nose.

"oh, calm your tits, it's funny as fuck." she giggled, punching his arm in a way that still unintentionally hurt.

"whatever. are you excited for the concert tonight?"

their reunion conversation lulled eventually, and ian noticed that they weren't necessarily standing alone.

no. fucking. way.

just his luck, if he was being honest. he probably deserved this.

there he stood. the man that has plagued his dreams the past few days. in a light wash jean jacket that was a little tight on the biceps, leaning casually against the wall, kicking the pebbles on the ground with his boot.

"uh, what's he doing here?" ian gestured towards the victim of The Coffee Incident.

“what, you know him?” mandy asked, walking them towards him.

“vaguely.” if that wasn’t the understatement of the year.

"huh. i didn’t think my idiot brother had any friends."

brother? how did ian not realize she had a brother?

"what, did you think i was going to babysit you all night? i can't let everyone here thinking you're my boyfriend, no offense or whatever, but you're in good hands!" she kissed his cheek, clearly not helping her own not-looking-like-her-boyfriend rule.

ian eyed said brother's good hands only to see the faded letters of FUCK U-UP on them. oh.

mandy pushed ian over to her brother, "ian, mickey. mickey, ian," she introduced before pushing and shuffling her way through the crowd of college students to find herself someone’s cheap ass fruity alcohol to mooch off of.

mickey. ian's brain repeated over and over, a chime against the murmuring sea of voices they found themselves enveloped by.

"nice jacket," ian pointed out, an awkward attempt to converse before shoving his hands back in his pockets.

"it's my second favorite." the corners of his mouth lifted like there was more to the statement. ian took the bait, as if he could resist.

"what's your first?"

"first is still airing out the fuckin’ coffee smell," he smirked as ian groaned. "oh c’mon, man, don't go crying over spilled milk."

how could he not? on the bright side, he didn’t seemed to hate ian for it.

“if it was anyone else,” mickey drawled, “they’d have to get a beat down for it.”

“why do I get a free pass?” ian mused.

“well, you’re mandy’s friend, right?”

“yup,” ian tried to suppress his disappointment. he really did. but fiona always told him he wore his heart on his sleeve.

“yeah, that ain’t why, though,” his eyebrows waggled suggestively and ian nearly felt his heart drop out of his ass.

ian blessed whatever coffee god was out there for sending him both mandy and the beautiful man in front of him.

“you wanna go listen to the band?” ian nodded his head towards the stage with passionate players jumping around like they were playing lollapalooza or some shit.

“lead the way, stud, just try to keep your drinks off of me this time,” mickey knocked into ian’s own flannel covered shoulder.

yeah, ian couldn’t believe his luck. maybe karma was finally on his side.

—

mandy smirked at her brother and best friend not-so-subtly checking each other out over the course of the night, bopping their heads to the music and downing whatever free booze they could get their hands on.

she hoped that adding mickey to the equation would be enough incentive to convince ian to stick around. things were better when he was near.

the way that ian followed mickey around like a lost puppy with that dopey moon-eyed look, it seemed like her hopes would come true.

and when both ian and mickey strolled into the café to come visit her at work the next week, mickey in his worse-for-wear leather jacket and ian in borrowed denim, she thanks the coffee gods for her luck.

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rotshop · 3 years

Text

y'all sleep on him so much so if you wont make the content then I will. /threat (/j)

aka i have a headache and i love him and also i kept thinking abt this so ahaaaaa,,poorly written but i have SO many ideas about this so maybe ill do a better version of this later

tw ; talk of / descriptions of body horror, eye horror / bloodshot eyes, possible self harm (in the form of scratching), description of gore / injury, and mouth gore / horror (also possibly a little bit of dissociation)

---

It all started with an anomaly during an experiment. At first, it seemed like nothing big ; it was just a minor error that'd ended up in you being a little sore and tired. All you'd need was some rest and you'd be fine in no time. Hofnarr had been so relieved to hear those words, completely overlooking the out of place nagging at the back of his mind. A small, barely little noticeable drip of another emotion.

Dread.

For a while, it'd seemed like that was the case. For the first day or two you'd been a little bit cramped and groggy but it wasn't anything intense. He remembers making some little joke about it to you in the morning, earning a little eye roll and half hearted threat he'd just laughed at. It never seemed like it would be anything more than just a brief lull in behavior he'd look back on with a small smile. It was nice at the time, just being able to joke about it casually and then go about your days.

Yet, other things started taking it's place once those symptoms had departed. The first thing he noticed was your eyes. He'd gone to ask you about some test you'd conducted with your own lab partner, only to flinch once he'd noticed. You'd seemed dully surprised yourself when he'd quickly asked what was wrong, like you hadn't even noticed how bloodshot your eyes were. He'd made you go see one of the medics there, walking alongside you and holding onto your hand while he questioned you about it.

You'd laughed at how panicked he'd seemed, making him go quiet as he looked over at you. Despite his nerves and how worried he was, he could admit he loved that sound. You'd teased him about it, something about how he'd be a silver fox in days if he kept worrying about you like this. He'd rolled his eyes and gave your hand a squeeze, ignoring the smile that'd broken out and the blood that'd rushed to his face. You two were good at playing off each other like that ; you just fit each other, in simple terms.

The visit to the medic hadn't yielded too much help. They'd taken a look at your eyes and quizzed you on it, noticeably confused by your answers. They had eventually just given a short -half-forced- smile and told you to try and stay away from screens and try some eye drops. It wasn't the best help of course, yet it was probably for the better that it'd been such a simple response. Hofnarr didn't miss how they'd turned to the other medic in the room once you two had left. The medic was visibly distraught as they'd talked to the other, obviously confused. He felt that nagging feeling come back, a little closer this time.

Over the next few days, the redness in your eyes worsened. Every time he came to visit you they looked more and more reddened, till there was no white in your eyes at all. They were just your pupils and iris on a solid, red background. You'd noticed how every time he visited he'd seemed increasingly concerned about your state. You tried to joke it off or at the very least to brush his worries off, giving a small, noticeably tired smile as you reassured him. You were just as lost as him on this, you just didn't want to admit it nor to let him get so worked up over you.

Another thing he'd noticed was the way you scratched at your skin, mainly around your jaw. At first he'd let it slide, only really mentally noting whenever he'd seen before forgetting as you asked him something. Then he noticed how irritated the skin there had gotten, doing his best to try and distract you by grabbing your hand or asking you about the first thing that popped into his mind. It worked to..varying degrees. Eventually, he'd caved in and asked you about it, he'd never forget that look of realization and surprise on your face. You didn't ever notice, not even when you were practically tearing at the flesh, you barely even felt like you were doing it.

You gave each other a brief look, silence permeating the air. Then you laughed, forced and stilted and changed the topic. He wanted to say something more, ask for something, anything really. Yet, as he noticed how tense you were, he realized he wasn't going to get any answers. So, he followed along, forced a smile, and held your hand tighter.

It'd come to a head when he was working with Jeb, you were down the hall and he'd planned on going to check on you once he was done looking over some of their results. The former had been saying something, pointing some trend out but Hof could just barely hear it. Part of him felt guilty that he was barely listening to his friend talk, but..he just couldn't focus. He was blanking all while thinking about everything, accomplishing nothing despite how long he'd spent sitting and losing himself in it. He was sure that it showed, he felt awful that it showed and he wanted it to. He wanted some sort of reassurance from anyone that you'd be alright ; even so, every time someone tried to tell him that, he'd never believed it.

He'd been snapped out of his thoughts once he'd heard the fast clicks on tile, growing closer before passing by the doorway. He'd turned to look at the source of the noise, catching the briefest glimpse of you and your lab partner. You had your head hung and a hand on your face, movement stiff as you did your best to keep up with their pace. They had their arm around you, quickly leading you off somewhere. He felt that dread boil up faster than it ever had before, it was all so wrong.

He'd made some quick excuse to Jeb, something weak and vague before getting up and rushing after you two. The other had made some noise of surprise, attempting to call after him to no avail. It didn't take him too long to catch up, noticing your partner standing outside of the medics office once more. They were stumbling over their words trying to explain something, speaking too quickly to make any kind of sense. Their hands were buried in their hair, making a mess of it as they clutched onto it tightly in some ugly mix of frustration and desperation.

He'd slowed down, staring at the two for a moment as he tried to make any kind of sense of what they were saying. He felt that dread shift into something else, something number yet just as deafening. He'd turned to peer into the room, seeing the other medic grabbing bottles of alcohol and rolls of bandages from cabinets quickly, narrowly avoiding dropping said items in shaky hands. You had your back facing the door, despite that though, you'd apparently known he was there as you turned to look over your shoulder. He could see that same numb feeling in your red eyes, gaze falling lower onto the mess of crimson and stained white.

It'd taken him a moment to process. He felt like he barely even recognized what it was as he stared at you, motionless and expressionless. There was a chunk of flesh and vessels missing from the side of your face, exposing teeth and viscera underneath it. He didn't feel like he was even there in that moment, like at any moment he'd wake up in bed and tell you about it later to hear you laugh. Yet, distantly, he knew it wasn't. He was never that lucky.

That night he'd broke and so had you. He'd convinced you to stay with him, to which you'd agreed without argument. He remembers so vividly holding you close to him, clutching onto you tightly while you did the same to him. You both wanted to say something, something to help or to even just confess. Neither of you did, words falling pale at what they were meant to represent, so you simply stayed and let yourselves be selfish and hoard the other for a time.

Neither of you showed up to work the next day. You knew it was a dumb idea but you couldn't bring yourselves to. You both knew you wouldn't accomplish much more than wandering aimlessly and writing down false information. It was a feeling of cold emptiness neither of you wanted to face without holding the other close for some semblance of warmth.

Overtime things seemed to worsen and worsen, more of your skin fell, your teeth and claws growing sharper and more noticeable, voice getting rougher. Eventually, you'd switched to using short phrases out loud, along with small grunts and other wordless noises to answer questions when you could. At one point you'd broken down, apologizing to Hof for everything you hadn't done, everything you hadn't any hand in or any ability to change. You remember hearing him laugh quietly, warmth returning to him in fullness for a moment a s he held the sides of your face gently, careful as he brushed along the scars that marred your skin. He'd reassured you it was fine, he was happy as long as you were ok, he was happy to do whatever he could to make your life easier, he loved you after-all.

You remember feeling his tears and your own mix when his lips pressed against what was left of yours.

Pain had started to pass even as you continued to change and grow. Even as more of your co-workers who you'd once called friends grew distant from you, some out of fear and others disgust. Even as more people started to view you as something monstrous and horrifying, Hof still thought you were the most breathtaking person he'd seen.

Even now as he stares at the red mockery of the sky that Nevada holds he can't help but smile. He can feel your head resting on his chest, quiet purrs coming from your figure as a tail occasionally twitches behind you. You're still fast asleep, quietly content to rest a while longer. He finds himself letting go of a breath he didn't know he was holding as he looks down at you once more. This is happiness.

#the ending is so weak but i haev a migraine SOOOOOO (crushes you like a soda can) /j #dr hoffnarr x reader #dr hofnarr x reader #would this count as tricky x reader. i dont think so. yeah no #madness combat x reader #madness combat imagines #madcom x reader #madcom imagines #please heed the warnings though #rot writes

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healpeony · 3 years

Text

Heather

Armin Arlert x reader ft Annie L.

Gif not mine. I felt bad for Annie :'), I listened to Heather by Conan Gray in repeat while writing this.

Request; Hello~ May I request A modern Au with Armin x fem reader x Annie with prompt 30 & 68 where it’s like Armin and Annie are dating and lately Armin has been getting distant lately and spending a lot of time with the new transfer student (their in college) reader and she doesn’t know he’s dating anyone at the moment so she asks him out and he says yes and they start to gain heavy feelings for each other and next thing you know Annie finds out and she’s hurt because she also found out reader is pregnant with Armins baby and he want to start a family together with reader even after the confrontation Annie is left hurt and heartbroken and reader and armin end up having a happy little family :3.

Warnings; angst, fluff, references to sex (not really described).

Taglist; @whogonprayformee

Prompts #30 “I want you to be happy, even if it is with her” and #68 “I'm pregnant”

Y/n was beautiful, hell Annie wasn't going to lie. The girl was completely perfect in her eyes, and she was sure others thought the same too, specially Armin.

Annie isn't blind, she had notice the longing looks Armin cast the h/c way, and the lingering touches when they worked together in class work and projects.

Of course she never mentioned, she didn't want to lose Armin, but it was too late it seem like each passing day he was falling more and more for that girl.

“Annie, hey!” Armin came up running towards her a big smile on his face

“Hey Armin..”

They didn't even act like a couple anymore, it wasn't like she was into pda so much, but she had put an effort into it when Armin and her started dating. Now it seem like Armin didn't even want to hold her hand in public or do anything with her when Y/n was around.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the coffee shop?” he asked smiling at her

“Sure, after class?” she answered

The blonde nodded before kissing her cheek “See you”

Annie, I'm sorry I can't make it to our date, I have to study.

Armin walked up to her after classes were done telling her that, just to find him in the coffee shop with Y/n when she went to buy some cookies for her father.

“Your grandfather sounds like a really thoughtful and generous person”

Y/n smile at Armin after he finished telling her about his grandfather who he lived with. She asked Armin to go out on a date with her when they saw each other in their last class.

“Yeah he is.” Armin responded smiling fondly at her

Y/n noticed a beautiful blonde haired women staring at them from the door, and she smiled softly at the women who had a frown on her face while looking at her in the eye.

“...which one you want?” y/n didn't even realized Armin was speaking to her, she quickly turn her head to him

She realized he was holding a little menu, with the waitress standing there ready to write down on the small (what seem to be a) notebook on her hand and assumed that he meant what she wants to order.

“I want the chocolate chip cookies, with coffee” y/n ordered while looking at the women indicating that the was all she wanted

“How many sugars?” the kind waitress asked looking at her

“Two sugars please, and thank you”

When the waitress left, Y/n looked at the door once again, but the women wasn't there.

“So tell me more about yourself” Armin looked at her with a soft smile

“well...”

Y/n proceeded to tell him, how she lived by herself in a small apartment and some stories from her childhood that she found funny, and apparently Armin did too since he laughed a couple of times.

They had been speaking for a while when the waitress came with a tray, what they ordered being there. They started eating while speaking after each bite or drink they took from what they ordered.

“It was nice to spend time with you”

Y/n smiled at Armin when they finally reached where she lived.

“Yeah, we should do it again sometime” Armin suggested, and the girl nodded

“See you!” she got off the car walking towards the inside of her apartment

And the dates did continue, they have gone to a lot of places together. Y/n felt like she was falling more and more for the blonde with each passing date.

“You know, we have been going out for some time”

Armin mentioned while they were getting out of the cinema after watching a horror movie. Y/n nodded at his words encouraging him to continue.

“And I was wondering if you'll like to you know.. be my girlfriend?” the boy asked scratching the back of neck

Y/n couldn't hold her excitement nodding at him with a big smile on her face “Of course!”

Y/n and Armin had been dating for months before they finally took their relationship to the next level.

Lustful kisses were shared between the two, naked bodies pressed together with passion and love, the bed and themselves being the witness of their love for each other.

“I'm pregnant”

Y/n looked shocked to the pregnancy test on her hand. And turn to Armin who was just as shocked as her.

“Armin I swear, I was on the pill” she said with watering eyes afraid that the blonde wouldn't believe her

“Hey.. it's ok, sometimes they don't work”

After calming Y/n, Armin stood outside in the balcony of her small apartment nervously, it wasn't like he didn't wanted the kid, he was just in a state of shock.

He hasn't broken things off with Annie. It made him feel so guilty, but he didn't want to break Annie's heart, he knew how much she struggled to express her feelings to others and how she trusted him, and he was afraid of her distancing herself more from others when he finally have the courage to tell her.

He took out his phone sending a message to the girl he once loved.

We have to talk

“I already knew, well except that part where she was pregnant”

Armin looked up shockingly staring at Annie, who had her head lowered down.

“I noticed the way you looked at her Armin, that's how you used to look at me, hell I think that your love for her it's way bigger than the one you had for me. You obviously are better off with her than me, she makes you smile, something I can't even do” Annie gave a emotionless laugh when she stopped talking before continuing “I want you to be happy even if is with her” Annie smile finally looking up at him

Armin felt the guilt consume him “I'm sorry Annie”

“It's okay, now don't get emotional with me” she said dismissively “You better make me maid of honor if you guys get marry”

Armin smiled at her “I will”

“Annie! Come on help me put my dress on, put him in the crib”

Y/n threw a shoe at Annie who was carrying her and Armin's son in her arms.

“This is the first baby I find adorable” Annie said ignoring Y/n once again “Sasha you help her, I don't want to put him down”

“Ok, just wait I need to clean my hands”

Sasha went to clean the ketchup in her hands from the burger she just eated.

Annie continued playing with the baby making funny faces, and he was giggling in her arms.

“Your first words better be my name, young man” Annie told him

Y/n watched them with a bright smile, Annie seem to love her son, just like she was sure her son loved her back so much. She knew about Annie's and Armin's past relationship since they told her, and since then she and Annie became good friends.

Today was her wedding day, and Annie was the maid of honor.

Annie didn't regret letting Armin be happy with Y/n, now she was the godmother of a beautiful 5 months old baby, a little boy who she would do anything for, just for him to be happy.

—

Hello! Thanks for reading!, You can support by liking or hitting reblog! Also just a little side note, on your first date don't tell a person if you live alone just in case they're creeps! I just realized something, Sasha eating burger reminded me of something written by @ctrlvr (sorry for tagging you, I can remove it if you want).

#aot x reader #shingeki no kyoujin #aot oneshots #attack on titan #anime #aot #aot angst #aot fluff #armin arlert x reader #armin arlert #armin x annie #armin attack on titan #aot armin x reader #armin arlert smut #annie leonhart #annie leonhart angst #attack on titan smut #snk fanfiction

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popatochisssp · 4 years

Text

This one’s a long one, sorry for all the backstory!

Potential tw for those who need it: body horror, loss of function, referenced violence and death

Horrorswap

A Fallen Human’s rampage has left the Underground in shambles. The monarchs and all of the collected souls are gone, many monsters are dust, the Royal Scientist has vanished, and the food supply is running out.

Alphys, the Captain of the Royal Guard, ascends to the throne. In spite of her grief over loved ones lost, she takes her new mantle with grim stoicism and makes a plan for the hope and safety of all monsterkind. They only need one more human to fall and then... she’ll take their soul and absorb it to cross the Barrier, the plan Queen Toriel had wanted to follow all along, but had been too afraid to; afraid of leaving her people without a leader in case she never came back.

Being left without a leader again is no longer the worst potential outcome for monsterkind and Alphys is willing to take the risk.

The waiting for that one last catalyst-human is...hard. On everybody, but especially the new Queen, thrust under so much responsibility with such high stakes, after so much loss.

Sans, one of the only best friends she has left, does his best to talk to her and to get her to open up instead of internalizing her feelings, but she’s in no way ready to talk and when he keeps pushing...

Well.

Even a little angry shove with Intent can do damage to a monster. Only half an HP in this case, but when the monster only has 1 HP to begin with, it’s still nothing to sneeze at.

Alphys is horrified, no matter that Sans is ready and willing to brush it off--his fault for pushing, he understands it was an accident, he’s usually a much quicker dodge--and however brief, the Incident just makes her shut down even more.

It also sets the stage for Sans to return home with half his HP gone to horrify his brother in equal measure.

Papyrus hadn’t liked the talk of killing humans when Toriel was alive Queen, but now it’s worse and everything else is getting worse by the day, sometimes by the hour. The Fallen Human betrayed them, Undyne is just gone, everyone is starting to go hungry, and now his brother’s at risk too?

Papyrus is scared and he’s not used to the feeling. He never thought about Sans’ 1HP before; he never had to. Sans was always just his tough and energetic big brother, and in their peaceful world it had never even occurred to him that something could... happen.

He can’t lose Sans too... Sans, expectedly, gives Papyrus the same ‘IT’S FINE’ speech he gave Alphys, to similarly dubious effect, but his pep talks just aren’t in top form these days--he’s got a lot on his mind too. In this plan of the Queen’s, for the Next Human, he’ll be the one with the responsibility of escorting them straight to the Capital to meet her axe. His sentry station is the first out of the Ruins, no one in the Underground can travel quicker than he can...and he was the Judge who let the Fallen Human pass, he didn’t stop them when he could have, it’s only right that this responsibility now should fall on him no matter how guilty the thought of leading a probably innocent human to their death makes him feel. Eventually, the Next Human falls. Sans does his duty and escorts them to the Capital, promising them a way out… And in the split second before Alphys pulls them into their final Encounter, after they realize the friendly skeleton has betrayed them, they swing on him.

Sans dodges it, just as he promised Alphys he could, and as he promised Papyrus he would...

But it’s close, and it digs the thorn of doubt just a little bit deeper. Alphys kills the human and absorbs their soul, subduing it beneath her will to save what’s left of her people. She crosses through the Barrier to retrieve more souls, promising to return in a few weeks, a month at most. If she’s not back by then...

.........

In the meantime…Sans stews.

He’s in charge while Alphys is gone. Another human could fall. They could fall at any time and it would be on him to...well he wouldn’t want to kill them but he’d surely have to contain them somehow, so they didn’t wreak the same kind of destruction that the Fallen Human did… And now, with everyone’s doubts in his head, layered on top of his own...

What if he can’t?

What if he needs...help?

Sans used to be a scientist, back in the day. He knows where the Royal Labs kept their DT, extracted but never used--deemed too dangerous to experiment with, even on monsters who were already Fallen Down.

It’s unfortunate that Undyne of Underswap never ran the DT experiments, because if she had, Sans might’ve used an even lower dose of the raw Determination he injected himself with in his anxiety-driven attempt to become stronger.

And Sans does get stronger. His HP increases significantly above the single-digit it’s been his whole life... but it’s... not without its drawbacks.

He doesn’t go home for several long days until he can get it all under control, and by then, Papyrus is suspicious, all too aware that Sans seems different somehow, more...muted and serious, intentionally calm... He doesn’t understand it, and he definitely doesn’t like it, but figures it’s stress getting to him or something… They’re all stressed these days, food growing scarcer and scarcer as they wait for the Queen to come back or not.

Papyrus doesn’t really understand what’s happened until another human falls, before Alphys has returned.

Sans sees the human too, and he’s frozen with indecision of what to do. He’s stuck between his pacifist code and the need to at least act, for the good of all monsterkind...! And right there, right in front of Papyrus, Sans starts to melt.

Papyrus, naturally, freaks out, launching himself into his first panic attack in literal years--and why wouldn’t he? This is obviously his brother dying, the last person he had to hold onto in all of this and Sans is dying, in a horrible, awful, messy way that he didn’t even know monsters could die, and…

Papyrus isn’t proud of it, but he runs away.

Beaten down by weeks and weeks of hunger, of worrying about his brother, of grieving for Undyne, of thinking about all the undeserving and probably innocent humans that were being hunted down and killed up on the Surface just to get them out, his body and soul are at their limit.

Papyrus Falls Down. By the time Sans, not as dead as previously suspected, finds his brother, Papyrus is already unconscious, his condition looking bad—already starting to disintegrate to dust—and there’s only one option that remains.

As much as Sans fears being wrong again; condemning his brother to his own semi-solid existence…

It’s Papyrus.

And he’d rather Papyrus be alive than not, so he gives Papyrus a dose of DT, too.

This time, it works.

Papyrus stops dusting and only remains comatose for another day before coming to and having a horrendously upsetting heart-to-heart with Sans, just a little too late to do either of them any good.

The hapless human who triggered the whole scene wanders straight through the Underground, all the way to the Barrier without ever encountering another monster—the survivors of the last human they remember too weak and afraid to even think of confronting the new one.

They arrive just in time to see Alphys’ only mildly overdue return through the now shattered Barrier…and quite naturally, panic and flee up to the Surface, never to be seen again.

Monsters are free.

Alphys turns herself in for the humans she killed as a gesture of goodwill and ensures that the rest of monsterkind can live peacefully amongst humans once and for all.

And everyone else just has to learn how to keep going with the scars of the experience.

Horrorswap Sans (Merc)

The DT injection destabilized his form, tied directly to his emotional state: relatively pleasant or middling emotions can make him drip a bit, while strong or negative ones can reduce him to a puddle making disturbing attempts to form limbs. He can still maintain structural stability, but only by staying in tight control of his emotions as much as possible

He’s researching ways to properly blend the DT into his magic to stop having to worry about melting at inconvenient moments, or at least to give himself control over when and how he liquidizes. It’s…a slow-going process…

Absolutely blames himself for his brother’s near-death experience and partial dusting (and the consequences therein), and for what he did to himself. If he’d just waited a few more days, if he hadn’t gotten so caught up in fears about the future and self-doubt, then… Well. It was senseless and there’s no changing it now, that’s what kills him the most

There’s a rift between him and his brother now and it’s jarring from how close they used to be. He doesn’t like it that he can’t get Papyrus to talk to him anymore, or spend time with him just…hanging out… but he figures it’s probably no less than what he deserves, for his own stupid hubris…

He gets into yoga at some point so he can still train his body in a lower stress way, and runs a small home cake-decorating business out of his kitchen, and between that and a deep, abiding love of all the science-fiction media there is on the Surface to engage with, he’s actually mostly hopeful about the future

Horrorswap Papyrus (Ell)

Not unscarred by his brush with Falling, low-energy and missing his legs above the knee, both turned to dust before he could properly stabilize. Wheelchair-bound and not too happy about it, but nowhere near ready to even have a discussion about prosthetics just yet

Definitely struggling with the loss, and the rest of the trauma of everything else that happened Underground, and doing himself a pretty huge disservice by figuring he should just ‘get over it.’ Grappling with a lot of bitterness and frustration over it all and trying to either blow it off or ignore it

Absolutely blames himself for his brother’s instability and the loss of his own legs—if he hadn’t psyched Sans out, if he hadn’t immediately freaked out and jumped to conclusions like an idiot when he saw… Well. It was senseless and there’s no changing it now, that’s what kills him the most

He hates the rift between him and his brother now too, they used to talk openly about whatever, they could just be brothers... but then The Human and the secrets and the lies… He wants to fix it all somehow but it’s so raw and he just doesn’t know what to say—he can’t read his brothers face like he used to anymore, and half the time it feels like he’s living with a stone-faced stranger…

He’s teaching himself some programming languages in his spare time around the house, thinking he might try to freelance someday. Still into writing and fiction, but his tastes have taken a turn for the darker fare, and horror/ghost stories are becoming a great outlet for him—he spends a lot of time with creepypastas from reddit playing in the background while he tries to figure out why his stupid code won’t work

#undertale #sans #papyrus #horrorswap #hs!sans #hs!papyrus #headcanons

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mxvladdy · 4 years

Text

Beelzebub- True Form

Three more boyos to go!

Next up: Leviathan

Beelzebub-

The embodiment of starvation. The sharp contrast between his healthy and fit forms is truly baffling.

Mouths are scattered all over his gangly form. It is the only human thing about him as he is faceless otherwise. When hunting they release a mist or plague of locusts depending if his hunger is physical or emotional

His hunting form is juvenile and frail. Naturally small and unassuming, it is perfect to lure his victims close and ensnare them forever. He attracts souls with an overwhelming hunger. It’s a lure filled with false promises of substances and warm. When close he latches on like a parasite and gorges until there is nothing left but an empty husk.

Once full his form shifts into something- greater- his small body growing and stretching. It’s somewhere along the lines of a human growth spurts, or puberty, but is done in moments. It’s uncomfortable for him; the rapid growth takes a lot out of him.

When fed he is larger, but still skeletal in form. It’s a permanent reminder of his new immortal purpose. His skin is like stone, hard and grey but translucent. It is stretched tight around his frame, like an artist canvas over his jet black bones. The texture of it emphasizes all the odd twists and turns of his bone structure and whatever else lies underneath his flesh.

Each raspy breath he draws from the many mouths scattered around his body rattle his disjointed skeleton. His bones clinking together with every exhale to create a truly chilling symphony.

When crazed with hunger he loses himself. In his younger years as a cardinal sin he was responsible for wiping out land masses and civilizations to try and dull the ache before his brothers could contain him.

His gluttony isn't only for physical sources of substances. Slabs of meat only go so far. He will latch on like a leech, to anything that radiates his current emotional cravings. Love? Happiness? Fear? He wants to experience it all. Filling and cramming every little space with whatever sensations he craves. Till the deadened feeling in his chest is a little less.

There was a time where he was very close with his brother sin greed. During their younger years as demons they would terrorize the mortal realm, a deadly duo. Both unable or unwilling to control their new urges.

He hates this existence. He’s empty and it drives him mad. Was he like this in heaven? Honestly, Beel can’t remember anymore. He doesn’t think so. He had his brothers and sister to keep him in order and a different name. At the time he was called Temperance, right? He thinks. It’s a bit foggy.

But what hurts him the most is that his family structure is fractured now. There is a hole where Lilith used to be, and no amount of souls or food will ever fill that.

When he met you it helped a little. But he has to be weary.

He has better control of his abilities now then a couple centuries ago so you don’t have to worry too much. He likes having you around. It fills part of the void that he’s been struggling with for so long. Being with you makes him feel like dirt has finally hit the bottom of what he thought was a vacuous void inside.

Sometimes his natural abilities seep out when he is hungry or frustrated from another family row. He gravitates towards you then, searching for that odd human comfort demons just don’t possess. He sips slowly on it; with your permission of course. Not the wisest idea- but an idea nonetheless.

Mini Fic

Sleepy Sloth Boi- Hey. Can you check up on Beel? He had a bit of a argument with Asmo today Sleepy Sloth Boi- Apparently he ate a homemade face goop? IDK, it’s stupid. Sleepy Sloth Boi- I would, but I’m stuck in a remedial class with Lucifer Sleepy Sloth Boi- I don’t know when I’ll be out- Ok! Is he in your room?- Sleepy Sloth Boi- No, at the gym. Asmo called him and chewed him out. Didn’t go well. Trainers called me. He busted up some equipment and might have eaten someone... They want him out. Oh... K I’ll head over now-

You frown down at your D.D.D and stuff it in your bag. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. You had heard stories of his terrible temper when hungry. Most of the time you have seen him just mope, huddled up in the kitchen eating his feelings. He was always open to talk though and you usually could convince him out of the kitchen so Lucifer didn’t have an aneurysm over a barren fridge.

The gym isn’t far from the house. A short tram ride and a walk down a couple of familiar streets. You have spent every Saturday morning with Beel there, spotting him. Not that you really could. With the amount of weights he was dead lifting, but he appreciated the company nonetheless. You ring up the front desk dashing across the street. It goes straight to voicemail. Crap it must be bad. You round the corner right before the gym and skid to a halt. Glass and metal litter the cobble street. The shards flicker off the lights of the street lamps drawing your eye to the sheer amount of damage around you. Some equipment even stuck out of the wall adjacent to you.

You make your way closer. “Human! Tis’ not the best time to be here. We are having a bit of an issue.” A terrified trainer scuttled towards you, mandible clicking in alarm. “You best turn back. We don’t need your body littering the streets too.” They wave a three fingered claw back up the street. On cue a weightlifting machine was launched through the remaining window exploding on impact with the road. A few more trainers run out after it, yelling and pushing at each other to get out of the way. A dark black mist bellows out after them.

Well shit.

“I’m actually here to try and help.” You smile down at the tiny demon trying to instill some false confidence in them. You think you could handle this. You didn’t want to call in the cavalry to get him. Knowing Beel, it would only trigger his guilty conscience. “If you could give me a moment.” Ignoring the little creature you creep forward, careful of the broken glass and praying that no more equipment got launched.

“Beel?” You call out peaking your head through the gaping hole on the side of the gym. "Hey, Belphie texted me. Wanna talk about it?” The inside of the gym was dark. Wires hung and sparked dangerously in front of you. A large burst pipe blocked most of your vision. “Beel?” You could hear his loud bone chilling breathing. He was close.

“Careful.” You jump swallowing the curse that threatened to slip out. Beelzebub emerged from the darkness at the back of the gym. His eyeless face locking onto you. “You are close to a line.” His many mouths move in unison. Some rumbling as he spoke, others just drawing in rasping wheezing breaths.

“Thanks.” You jump back onto the street. “You wanna come out? You look a bit cramped.” He was comically too large for the allotted space. His goliath sized body packed into a little sardine can. He rattles for a bit considering. You cock your head to the side looking at the empty street. “Plenty of room out here.” You wave at your sole spectator and give them a small thumbs up. They blink in horror over your shoulder. Eyes locked on the beast emerging.

“I’m sorry.” He drags himself out. Thick steel like claws causing the little trainer hiding behind you to whimper. Beel’s fingers dig into the stone and mortar. Oph- this was going to cost a bit to fix.

“It’s ok big guy-happens to the best of us.” You say casually. Once he was outside he shivers in the cool afternoon air. His bones creak as you approach him. “May I touch you?” You approach hand raised. He never cared if you touched him in his human form. It centered him a lot of the time. He enjoyed the feel of your soft and giving flesh against his smooth hard skin. But this form was slightly more dangerous for you well being.

Beel shakes his head at your movement melding back into the dark hole. His mouths open wide to release a plume of black smoke. The trainer cries out, scurrying back further down the street. You hold your ground however. Chin up definitely, unafraid at what you knew was coming. The thick black vapor coats your skin. It latches on to you and seeps through your pores. You feel him in the back of your mind running through your head, searching for something. You breathe slowly, letting him shuffle through your psyche.

You feel a flush of warmth, a near giddiness that brings an uncontrollable smile to your face before it is gone. Snuffled out like a candle in the wind. A slow chilling tingling begins in all of your extremities as he feeds off your emotions. He pulls at your center, eating away at your mental state. An odd empty ache blooms in your chest, you need to untangle yourself before he bled you dry.

He pulls back then, knowing when he has gone too far. The pallor of his skin is richer now. A darker grey than before. The waxing sheen gone and replaced with a deep purple hue underneath. His cobweb like veins thumping with life. “Thanks~” His rattles remerging onto the street. His oblong head nudges your shoulder, checking on you. You pat at it, careful of the mouths and razor sharp teeth.

“Of course; don’t mention it.” You turn on weak knees to the trainer. Looking at complete ease with the cardinal sin currently wrapping his many limbed and mouthed body around your comparatively tiny frame. “I guess this is not super common?” You ask, waving at the destruction. They shake their head.

“He-he ate Gordin.”

“Ah-ye. He does that. Sorry.” At a loss, they accept the sleek business card you thrust at them with your free hand. “Call Mr. Morningstar. He can work on the repair finances with the manager.”

“But Gordi-” You wince as the little demon’s mandibles tremble, voice getting frantic. Could demons shed tears? You were about to find out.

“Beel?” Cupping his large head you stare at him, eyes traveling over his face. His mouths snap shut, body turning smooth. The only movement from his was his hearts beating steady beneath his translucent skin. He stood still like a statue carved by a deranged artist. “Beel.” You say again more firmly. You step away from his hooked fingers. “Spit them out.”

He doesn’t move. His inner rattling becoming louder and more defensive.

You roll your eyes and look back exasperatedly with a shrug. The other demon stares speechless in terror. Or with the dawning realization of just how absurd this whole situation was. You turn back to Beel, fists balled on your hips. “If you don’t I guess I’m going to eat all these snacks I brought.” The death rattle stops. You could feel his full focus on you now aghast. “I’m serious. Mammon even went and bought those new limited release batwing chips too, extra spicy.”

He hacks suddenly, back arching like a cat as a large seam opens on his skin where his stomach (stomachs?) region was. A bulky demon covered in purple viscous sludge tumbles to the ground with a wet squelch. Their skin was a sickly color and their eyes wide in terror.

“Gordi!” The other trainer pushes past you and grabs at the trembling demon, pulling him away from the hungry mouths.

“Thanks, Beelzebub.” You walk him quickly down the abandoned streets once the two others had fled. He lopes behind you, gaunt body swaying in the light breeze. Once you hit the more crowded streets he moves closer to your back. Other demons on the street give you a wide berth, eyeing and swatting at a few straying arms or fingers that attempt to grab them or their things. You move quickly, hoping to avoid having to scold him again for eating more demons.

“I’m sorry.” Beel croaks once more when you finally come to a stop at an empty park bench. He sits next to it expectantly. The grass and foliage around him weathering and turning to dust at his touch. His arms subconsciously start stuffing the dried grass and flowers into his many mouths.

“It’s ok.” You repeat yourself coming to rest on the park bench. Without preamble you dump the contents of your bag onto the ground. He croons in delight at the mound of snacks being pushed to him. “Eat up. Take a breather and then we can talk. If you want.” With that he dives in.

Beel munches in silence, mismatched limbs unwrapping-or not- the treats and popping them into his little mouths. You watch for a bit before getting preoccupied with a book you borrowed from Satan. You don’t know how much time passes before a boney finger pokes at your forearm. The same arm then hovers by your nose offering you a pudding cup.

“Ah, thank you!” You close your book and take the flan pudding. He had finished most of the food and had calmed considerably. Most of the mouths have disappeared, closing as they were sated. He scoots closer, the oppressive neediness of his sin dulled to an almost non existent thumping in your stomach. Easy enough to ignore, especially now with a sweet treat boosting your mood. “Feeling any better?”

Beel grunts, scratching at his knobby spine. You watch him for a moment. Reading his emotions in this form was hard. Thankfully, you knew the reason for the outburst this time. First time you stumbled upon him like this had been an absolute circus. A terrifying, and destructive circus. He had been in full form that night. Locusts and clawed fingers moving in blurs, swiping at everything that came near. The younger brothers screaming at him over the sounds of breaking furniture and the buzz of insect wings. They dodged around his tantrum trying to calm him before Lucifer returned from a meeting.

“It’s a damned ice cream cup!” Satan roars, close to shifting himself. The tell tale heat of his body starting to radiate out and singe the carpet beneath his feet. Beel screeches back, flies and spittle spraying out over them. Asmo yelps and drags you out of the room with him.

“Ugh! The moment he gets all gross and buggy I’m out.” He shudders, locking the door on the apocalypse happening on the other side. “Hopefully Mammon can slow Lucifer down so they can neaten up.”

“Is he going to be ok?” You look back watching the solid door shudder under the weight of a body being thrown.

Asmodues sucks his teeth dismissively, bright nails clicking away at his phone. You glance at it seeing that he had messaged Mammon to bring some take out too. “Oh ye, this happens from time to time. He just has to let off some steam. Then we can stuff him with food and he’ll be right as rain. You want anything hun’?” You shake your head stunned by his carefree attitude as the house shook around them.

Beel had come to apologize for his behavior later that night. His human form a little banged up, but no worse for wear. You went out for ice cream in hopes to cheer him up. Offering an ear too if he needed an outsider's perspective. You were also curious about his true nature and had a thousand and one questions to ask. He was apprehensive at first. It was clearly a sore subject for him. But over time he opened up, speaking freely about his struggles and fears of destroying his family's already shaky foundation with his gluttony.

“Asmo is furious with me.” He sighs, bringing you back to the present. He rests his head on your shoulder, careful with his weight.

“He’ll get over it.” You stroke his cool skin tapping at a closed mouth. It opens and licks your finger. It was as close to a kiss as this form could get to. “It’s not like he can’t make more.” Beel huffs, rubbing his head into the soft fabric of your sweater.

“I am nothing but a burden to them aren’t I.”

“Never.” You don’t hesitate. He grumbles unconvinced. “Hey,” You nudge him off your shoulder to look at him. “Remember last Saturday? How you helped Levi get his limited edition statue?”

“I just stood in a line.” He pouts. “And I only did that because I ate his Ruri-chan mochi’s.” Oh- you didn’t know that part.

“Well, I still think you’re a good brother.” You cover. “ Tell me, would any of the others do the same? You beat yourself up over every little mistake. How many times has Asmo or Mammon swiped one of your snacks?” He hums contemplatively, nails clacking on the concrete.

“But I always lash out when they do that.” You nod kicking your feet up to lounge on the bench, back resting against his. Grabbing at a set of arms you wrap them around your waist playing with the fingers that weren’t razor sharp.

“Yes, and? Asmo just did too. Runs in the family by the looks of it.” You chuckle. “ So why should you be the only one not allowed to get upset? But next time call before rampaging through the city, K?” You smile up at his monstrous visage. He smiles back hesitantly before coming closer.

Beelzebub nips you gently with his primary mouth. Large fangs careful not to break the skin. A cute little display of gratitude. He tastes your sincerity on you. Sweet and smooth on his tongue. “Thanks,” He rumbles. Cradling you close, he rises to his full height. “I think I’m ready to head back now.”

You snuggle into his unyielding body checking your wrist watch. “Yeah big guy? Guess it is almost dinner time.”

He picks up the pace.

#Obey me beelzebub #obey me fandom #obey me headcanons

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

hello !! may i request billy trying to "woo" steve but hes oblivious to it ? and it gets to a point where nacy is Tired of billy looking like That when steve plays offs his advances and she just decides to help him out with a relucent jonathan ? robin is there too but she isn't gonna say anything bc she loves a good show. thank you !!!

Ao3

Jonathan was sitting on the counter, Nancy leaning on his legs when Billy walked in.

He smiled sheepishly at them, heading towards where Steve was behind the counter, chatting as he rewound tapes. He ducked over into the horror section, re-emerging quickly, obviously knew what he was comin’ in for.

“Oh, Exorcist. I haven’t seen this one. Steve was all smiles as he stood up to help Billy.

“It’s pretty good. Lots a’ gore, and stuff.” Billy side eyed Jon and Nancy, leaning a little further over the counter. “We could watch it together, if you wanted.”

Billy had gotten a nice studio apartment in downtown Hawkins with the government cash out he had gotten from the whole Starcourt ordeal. Steve had helped him move in, hadn’t been back since.

“Sorry, man. Don’t really like horror movies.”

Nancy noted how dejected Billy looked when Steve looked down to punch in the amount on the register. Billy left with a small wave and Nancy reached over to whack Steve in the arm.

“What the hell was that for?” He was pouting at her, rubbing his arm.

“You’re an idiot, Steve Harrington.”

“What’d I do this time?”

“Billy just asked you out!” Steve’s eyes were wide.

“No?”

“Yes.”

“No, he just invited me over. He does that a lot. usually he rents movies I don’t think I would like, though.”

“He wants you to come over and get scared so he can protect you, or whatever.”

“N-no.”

“Yes. He wants to sit on the couch, and put his arm over you, and he wants you to hide your face in his chest when you’re scared literally all guys use that move.” She considered Jonathan for a moment. “Current company excluded.”

“I still don’t think he was asking me out.”

“Billy!” Nancy just so happened to be loitering near his apartment building as Billy was returning from his weekend job at the garage near family video. Billy started when she called his name.

“Uh, hey Nancy.” He was fidgeting with the buttons on his coveralls.

“Look, Steve is sweet, but he’s the most oblivious person on the planet.” Billy tightened his jaw, a shadow of his rough self, his rough pre-Starcourt self.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tried to push past her, but she just followed him up the stairs.

“I know you were trying to ask him out yesterday.”

“Wasn’t tryna do shit.”

“I don’t care that you’re into him. I want to help you.” She rolled her eyes.

“Help me?” He raised one eyebrow as they crossed into his little apartment, appraising her. “Help me do what?” She turned to him, grinning wide.

“I’m going to help you get him.”

“He likes movies with a lot of adventure. A steady rise and fall of events. So, Indiana Jones, or Conan, or James Bond, all of those. And he loves westerns. He made me watch so many fucking westerns.”

“Sounds like he just likes hot guys.” Nancy rolled her eyes.

“He likes Barbarella, too. He doesn’t have much in the way of an attention span, so things need to be constantly happening. He took me to see Gremlins three times when it came to the Hawk.”

“Okay, so action adventure. Easy enough.”

“Well, he’s also got a big soft spot for sappy romances. And I’m talking the real sappy ones, not like Sixteen Candles, I mean Gone with the Wind, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Cleopatra. He’s a big mushball, and he loves love.” Billy kinda felt like he should be taking notes at this point. “He has all these Italian films from the forties, and he says that’s what he grew up watching, and they’re all very romantic. He loves watching those, because then he’ll translate the whole time, and I think that makes him feel romantic, it’s a whole thing.”

“Wait, he speaks Italian?”

“His mother was born in Italy somewhere. It’s his first language.”

“Shit, I didn’t know that.”

“He’s quite proud of it. He was raised by his grandmother, his nonna, and still knows all of her recipes.”

“That’s cute.” Billy thought for a second. “So, I should invite him over for a movie he’d like, and if I conveniently had all the ingredients for some complicated Italian dish, just like, around, he could be into that?”

Nancy stared at him.

“Wow. You’re just as mushy as he is.”

“Don’t hate.”

“You need to help me.”

“Nance, I just don’t feel like we should get-”

“Of course we should get in the middle of this! Our friends have a chance to be happy, together.” Jonathan huffed.

“Nancy, be honest with me. Are you just trying to do this because you genuinely want Billy and Steve to be happy, or because you still feel guilty about everything that happened with Steve?” Her mouth dropped open.

“I, I don’t-no.” She shook her head. “Of course not.” Jonathan raised an eyebrow at her. “No, Jon. I want them to be happy.”

“Okay, but I still don’t think we should interfere.”

“Of course we should. You saw them the other day, they cannot do this themselves. I’ve already talked to Billy.”

“You already-Nancy.” He gave her a look.

“What? I’m helping.” He rolled his eyes.

“Nancy’s making me talk to you.” Jonathan kept his voice monotone.

“Um, about what?” Steve was reshelving tapes, Jonathan following behind him with the box full.

“About Billy.”

“What about Billy?”

“She wants to help you two get together.” Steve laughed.

“I know she means well, but he does not like me like that.”

“She seems to think he does. Apparently, she’s already talked to Billy. They’ve got a whole plan.”

“A plan? What do you mean?”

“She told him all of your favorite movies and they’re idea is that you’ll go to his place and you’ll cook dinner together and watch a movie.”

Steve’s eyes were big when he looked up at Jonathan.

“Wait he, there’s actually a plan?” He was picking at the peeling sticker on a Cinderella tape. “What are we gonna cook?”

“I don’t know. Billy said he’s just gonna get a bunch of vague Italian shit, his words, and he’s hoping you’ll take over from there.” Steve smiled to himself.

“Um, you think you could get him a list? So he doesn’t just have to buy stuff.” Jonathan furrowed his brows.

“Wait so, you’re good with this?”

“I mean, it’s kinda, it’s kinda sweet.”

“So, her plan worked?”

“Well, I still gotta go on the date.” Steve returned to shelving tapes.

“But, you’re going?”

“Yeah. If he asks.”

“Get me a grocery list. And believe me, he’ll ask.”

Steve had picked one of his favorite recipes, giving Jonathan a list to casually slip to Billy.

He had been waiting all week for Billy to come back, rent some movie he loves, and ask him over.

But it had been days since he had spoken with Jonathan.

And he was losing hope.

“What’s up, Mopey?” Robin was fake pouting at him.

“Billy hasn’t been in in a while. Is all.” Steve shrugged, tried to act all casual.

Robin rolled her eyes.

“Missing your boyfriend?”

“Shut up.” His face was red as he mumbled. “Nancy and Jonathan kinda, they kinda made a plan, and I think he’s just, I think Billy’s not actually gonna go through with it.” She sighed.

“Look, I told Nancy I was not gonna get mixed up in this, but, he likes you, Dingus. He’s not backing out, he’s not blowing you off. Take a breath.”

“I’m just, I care about him, you know? He’s been through a lot. I don’t wanna fuck it up.” Steve was scuffing his foot against the ground, watching it intently. “I always fuck it up.”

“Hey, it’s just one date. And maybe there’ll be a next, and a next, but for now, take the date. Have a good night.”

Jonathan was back on the counter, watching Billy psych himself up outside.

He was hoping from foot to foot, obviously practicing everything he was gonna say.

Steve was being very good at not making eye contact with everyone.

The bell above the door made a loud sound as Billy shoved it open.

He stared at his feet as he hid himself in one of the aisles.

Steve gave Nancy a panicked look.

“Breathe,” She hissed at him. He took a few deep breaths in and out of his mouth, his eyebrows scrunched together.

A few minutes later, just as Steve had calmed himself down, Billy came back out of the aisle, a few different tapes in his hands.

He set the tapes down, giving Steve a nice smile, a real smile.

“Hey, Bill.” Steve wasn’t even looking at the tapes.

“Hi, Pretty Boy.” Steve flushed. “What’re you up to tonight?”

It was painful, watching the two of them dance around one another. Billy didn’t know Steve was in on the plan, didn’t know Steve was fucking vibrating and the speed of sound for Billy to ask him out.

“Um, nothing much. Just gonna go home.”

Nancy slapped Jonathan’s leg, pulling him into one of the aisles, spying on the two from around the shelf. Robin stayed sitting behind Steve, snapping her gum.

“You could come over, if you want. Watch one a’ these.” Steve finally looked down at the tapes, brightening up right away.

“I love Barbarella.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re a human.” Steve laughed as he punched in the amount. There were beginning to fall into a rhythm, Steve picking up the next tape.

“Oh shit.” He was holding the Sound of Music tape like it was made of gold. “I used to really love this movie.”

“We can watch it, if you want. I’ve never seen it.” Steve looked at him like he had an extra head.

“You’ve never seen it? Billy, what the fuck? We’re so watching this tonight.” He picked up the last tape.

“That one I got for me.”

“I uh, I didn’t even know this movie existed.” He was staring wearily at the mutant on the front, tracing the font spelling out Forbidden World.

“Oh Pretty Boy, you’d hate it.” Steve laughed. He took Billy’s neat bills, practiced hands made quick change.

Their hands brushed as Steve passed over the coins.

“You want me to bring anything? Tonight?”

“Just yourself.”

“Nothing for dinner?”

“I mean, I got some stuff. If you wanna, like, make something.” Billy was fidgeting with the tapes.

“Yeah, I, uh, I really like cooking. We could, like, cook together.”

“I’d like that.” Steve gave Billy one of his sunshiniest smiles. Made Billy melt a little. “What time you get off?”

“Five.”

“Be over as soon as you can, then.”

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“It’s a date then, Stevie.” Steve was grinning like he had won the fucking lottery. Billy gave him a stupid little two finger salute, nearly ramming into the glass door on this way out.

Steve waited until Billy was safely out of view of the storefront windows before he lost his shit.

He was wiggling around like the happiest little worm, Nancy coming out of hiding to give him a hug.

Robin snapped her gum at him when he tried to get near her, so he hugged Nancy again.

“Hey, thank you guys. For, for everything.” Jonathan clapped him on the back.

“No problem, man. Just do us all a favor, and get laid.”

#I almost never write post season 3 that isnt a #they burned it out of Billy au #cause I lowkey fucking hate most of that season lol #yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

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pretty-bratty · 3 years

Text

Baby Can You See Through The Tears Teasers

I'm finally doing it.

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who reads, loves, waits this fic and keeps up with my procrastinating ass. It truly means the world to me. Thank you all.

Special huge thank you to @dracula-incarnate who not only hyped me to post these teasers and to write in general, but also hypes and supports me in everything all the way, and also proof read everything as my beta. I wouldn't post them without you, thank you so much.

So, under the cut are the teasers - different bits of future chapters. At the beginning of each one there's a short explanation of the scene. The warnings are the usual for this fic, and it makes sense to read it only reading fic, but just in case: dom/sub stuff and the beginning of the punishment-spanking scene. Uh...I think it's all.

If you like it, it would mean so much if you let me know your thoughts.🌠 I'm nervous and really hope it lives up to your expectations, uhhh.

Baby Can You See Through The Tears Teasers

1. (The boys want to radio Eleven to calm Steve down over the fact that his blood got in the water at the end of the previous chapter):

It takes Billy quite some time to find the walkie-talkie in the mess that Harrington turned his room into. The scolding he wants to give him is dancing on the tip of his tongue. He wonders if he's ever going to have a nice, relaxing, calm day with Harrington. And the most obvious answer leaves him unpleased.

Steve stares at him with those baby deer eyes, full of fear and hope. Fear of the darkness, and hope that Billy is going to save him from all the monsters inhabiting it. And dammit if Billy isn't going to do exactly that.

"You think it's gonna work?" Harrington's whisper is barely audible in the thick silence of his room.

Billy honestly has no idea, but Steve doesn't need to know that.

"Yeah. Of course it is, pretty boy."

He still has no idea when he finally ends up finding the walkie - thrown on a chair in a tangled mess of jeans. Really, Steve? Billy kind of toys with the idea of radioing Max first; and he would, if it was a bit earlier.

But the second he turns the walkie on, it comes to life with a calm and collected voice.

"I am here."

Billy jumps. Steve gasps, almost knocking the nightlight off the drawer.

"How...what are you doing here, kid?" Billy cringes immediately. First, it's kind of a stupid question since he’s the one who originally was going to reach out. Secondly, he sounds exactly like the Chief.

"You needed me." El's voice is clear and somber. Billy pictures her serious, concentrated face. Sometimes he feels like they have a lot in common; something deep down in the girl's eyes speaks to him in a language he feels only he can understand. "You needed me and I am here."

2. (Just some atmospheric bits):

It's still warm, despite the pouring rain. They dragged the loungers under the porch awning and now sit there. Watching the streams of water falling everywhere. Watching it dance on the pool's surface. Playing the fastest drumbeat Billy's ever heard. He can't say he loves the rain. Actually, he really doesn't like it at all; but this, today's rain… it brings some much needed peace to his soul.

Harrington seems to appreciate it as well, considering how he hums contentedly, laying across the loungers, head in Billy's lap. He only stirs a few times, squirming, nose scrunched. Billy supposes it's because of his freshly spanked ass touching the lounger's hard surface. He chuckles under his breath at the thought, scratching the boy's head.

Harrington looks up at him with big brown eyes that are red rimmed and tired, yet warm. Always so warm and comforting. He gives Billy a little content smile and lays back down, cheek pressed to Billy's thigh, skin on skin.

Billy cards his fingers through this wild, absolutely lush mane of brown hair. And it suddenly shoots through him… this boy is his. Not just simply his. Not like he was Wheeler's - okay, Billy, better not think about it. No need to get angry - but in many, many more ways.

Harrington trusts him unconditionally in everything. Absolutely everything. And Billy's has way more power, belonging, and responsibility than he has ever dared to have before.

He cuddles the boy in closer to himself. His hold on him perhaps a bit too tight. His heart chattering wildly. Harrington looks up again; eyes a bit puzzled, questioning, but Billy gives him a calming smile and a gentle tug on his hair.

(...)

The rain is soothing. Heavy streams drumming everywhere in the Harringtons' posh backyard. Making everything wet and fresh and transparent green. Somehow still so full of light. Like you're looking at the world through a green-glass bottle.

"I was kinda afraid of swimming before that, y'know…" Harrington says suddenly, without moving. Billy doesn't see his face. "Before B… before B-Barb."

He shivers when he says the name, and Billy holds him closer, frowning.

"How come? I thought you loved splashing in the pool and all?"

3. (Some Billy, Steve and Max snippet, at Steve's place):

"Let's build a pillow fort!" Harrington throws all these gigantic pillows and blankets on the floor in front of TV. Almost knocking down some vase in the process; Billy's pretty sure it must cost a small fortune. Mrs. Harrington would be really grateful to Billy for catching it at the last moment.

"Jeez," Max breathes out. "Pillow fort, ice cream and movies? Everyone else will lose their shit!"

"We won't tell them." Harrington frowns, apparently not wanting any of his gremlin gang to feel left out. Billy rolls his eyes so hard it hurts.

"Oh no," Max smirks. "We're definitely telling them!"

Billy snorts. Harrington looks between them, a smile playing on his lips.

"You two sure you're not blood related?"

4. (Same part, they're going to watch a movie, Billy told them no scary movies):

Max smirks.

"Let's put on a scary movie. Billy will want to know how it ends so he'll grumble but watch it."

Billy watches them quietly from the kitchen doorway. He's on his way back with their bowls of ice cream, and that's when he hears Max mentioning a horror movie. Now he's too curious about how Harrington’s going to act since he's not directly with him.

Yesterday he'd definitely put it on, just to spite Billy. Let's see if today's lesson taught him anything.

The boy squirms in his spot, wide eyes darting around.

"But he told us not to. He'll be pissed."

Max just rolls her eyes.

"You realize he's not as scary as he thinks he is, right?

Billy gapes at the statement, because true - but excuse her!

Steve's voice is low.

"Mmm- well, yeah. He's not, but..."

'...But his belt on my ass definitely is!' is clearly written across his face. Billy puts a hand over his mouth, juggling the bowls and trying not to snort out loud and blow his cover.

Harrington bites his lower lip.

"But he specifically told us not to. I think it would be nice to listen to him, don't you, Max? And like, a comedy sounds pretty good to me right now."

Billy can just burst with pride for his boy.

Max rolls her eyes once more, but only for the sake of her reputation. Then she gets up and picks a comedy. Secretly, she's actually pretty excited about it. At least from what Billy can see.

5. (Different bits for the spanking scene):

"Now, come here. And bring me that brush," Billy squints at the wooden hairbrush laying on Harrington's desk.

"What?" The boy knits his brows together in confusion. "You gonna… brush my hair?"

"Oh darling," Billy chuckles darkly, shaking his head. He almost feels guilty due to Steve's innocent, obvious confusion. "No. I'm gonna make sure I ingrain the consequences of giving me attitude, like yesterday's little outburst, in your precious head."

(...)

Billy swirls the brush in his hand. It's pretty heavy. Wide too. He feels bad for the boy - well, almost.

"Sit."

He jerks his head in a curt nod, and Harrington sits near him nervously. Billy taps the brush on his palm, making a thud, and hears a quiet sharp inhale.

"I'm going to punish you now," Billy looks at Harrington closely, catching every little detail. How he licks his lips, throat working. How he squirms, big brown eyes watching Billy's every move. "You got my belt a couple of days ago, so it might be too soon for a second round on that lil' ass of yours."

The boy's cheeks and ears were growing darker and darker shades of red.

"You deserve something harder than just my hand though. Acted like a total spoiled brat too; so s' pretty fitting, I guess. Dontcha, Stevie?"

Harrington just whimpers weakly, eyeing the brush in Billy's hands.

"I asked if you think it's fitting, Steve?"

Billy let's some steel slip into his tone, and the boy shudders.

"It's-it's gonna sting..." his voice is small, but he's still whining.

Such a brat. Billy growls.

"Yes, it is." He fixes Harrington with a stern look, slapping the brush on his own palm at the same time. "Your spankings are supposed to sting. It's a punishment. And you deserve a punishment, don't you?"

Billy's setting his jaw, asking for the last time. If the boy decides to keep being a brat, he can take the belt after a brush too. And apparently, Harrington senses it.

"I do." He whispers miserably. Glancing at Billy and correcting himself immediately, licking his lips and flushing more. "I do think I deserve this punishment, Billy."

Billy nods, spreading his legs wider and laying the brush on the bed next to him.

"Get over my lap."

"What??" Harrington flushes red to the roots of his fluffy hair. "I...what...No! I'm not some fucking toddler!"

Billy flares his nostrils, breathing in and out. If Max ever dares to accuse him of lacking patience ever again, so help him...

"Could've fooled me." He speaks in a quiet, terrifying growl. "Acting exactly like one."

Harrington gulps.

"Up. Bend. Over my knee, ass in the air." Billy orders in a low voice, no room for discussion left. "Tell me 'No' one more time during the punishment, and see what happens, pretty boy."

Harrington inhales sharply and almost jumps up, legs wobbly. Then tiptoes around and finally lowers himself across Billy's lap; eyes squeezed shut, cheeks and ears tomato red.

Billy immediately manhandles him into position. Leaving one knee under Steve and hooking the other leg over the boy's thighs, holding him successfully in place. Gonna come in handy when Harrington starts squirming and trying to kick - and Billy already knows it's gonna happen.

Billy looks down, sees Harrington's messy mop of brown hair. His hands nervously fidgeting on the floor. Billy yanks his shorts down rather harshly, and there's a gasp, followed by a little, scared whimper.

"Gonna squirm again, huh?" Billy bounces his knee a bit.

"Uh...y-yeah," a quiet, honest, reply from Steve surprises him.

Billy hums, running his hand up and down Harrington's boxers-clad ass.

"I'll take that as I should hold you during all your punishments from now on, hm, baby?"

There's a sniff and a quiet ‘please’ from Harrington.

"Sure, pretty boy. Setting it as a rule then." Billy puts his hand on the small of the boy's back, holding him in place. He hears almost a relieved sigh.

"No fighting. Sit still. You're not allowed to cover your pretty ass, got it?"

"Yes, Billy."

Billy watches his own hands on the waistband of Harrington's Calvins, snapping it at his skin lightly.

"Tell me why are you getting spanked now, baby?" He smirks, feeling how the boy flushes at the word ‘spanked’; emphasizing it for a bigger effect.

#baby can you see through the tears #harringrove #harringrove fanfic #harringrove fic #harringrove fanfiction #billy x steve #steve x billy #steve harrington #billy hargrove #pretty bratty writing

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ziracona · 3 years

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What do you see happening after Josh is being rescued? Does he meet everyone of his friend eventually or some of them keep their distance? I read one of your answers about them abandoning him and honestly I don't think they didn't care at all about him, but the events were so traumatic and scary that they probably had a hard time taking into consideration that small possibility of him being alive. Plus I guess it's also part of the smooth flow of the game if it makes sense, Mike doesn't go after Jess either after he sees her falling into the mines and accuses Josh of killing her without being 100% sure that she is dead and without seeing Josh around when shit happened to her. But if I were Josh maybe I would be upset knowing they didn't come for me at all. So how would a reunion go?

That’s valid! You can interpret the lack of an interest in rescuing Josh to multiple things—that they are very sure he’s dead, if you want to be as generous as possible to them. That they think he’s probably dead and are afraid of dying too more than willing to save him, that they’re (sans Chris) too mad about the prank he pulled, etc. And I can see why people would go for any number of them. I think to me it has always read like they think he is probably dead, and the whatever he has, 30%, 20% chance? Of still being alive just isn’t enough for them to feel motivated to face very likely death to go hunting for him, especially with flamethrower dude just dead doing the same. Which makes /me/ angry, because Mike went batshit after seeing Jess wounded and dragged through a window and more trying to save her, multiple characters can kill themselves trying to save the others in the finale, etc, and I just think if you /can/ save someone who is your friend—or like, you have a shot anyway—you don’t know it is too late. You should. (& true Jess can still be alive and Mike will assume she is dead, but in his defense, so do basically all blind playthroughs she looks like she falls four stories or something while already almost dead I can’t fault Mike for assuming that was a 100% death there. Boy really tried. Whereas Josh’s vanishing from the shed is much less confirmed. There is no ‘I watched him fall’ here. Just a neither he nor his dead body were still in the shed so /something/ happened). Like I do get it, that’s a terrifying situation and not helping doesn’t = not caring, but I will hold it against characters if they don’t risk themselves to save their friends and I will be unhappy with them. Loyalty is very important to me. But it is a truly terrifying situation.

But I also get why they’d be terrified to go out there. I don’t think it makes them evil to not want to risk it till they have to, it just makes me disappointed in them. I don’t think I said I think they didn’t care about him—typo if I did, because I certainly don’t think that at all! I think Chris was traumatized and felt very sure he was dead, Ashley didn’t care (she explicitly says she thinks he deserves it and tries to stop Chris from saving him the first time), Emily doesn’t care a lot one way or another and is mostly on her own trauma right now and thinking about Matt and the awful shit she saw, that Sam does care but thinks he is probably dead and is in team mom mode and cares more about trying to keep as many friends alive as possible right now than anything else and doesn’t want to lose the others, and Mike is still pissed but also feels very bad and would prefer for Josh to make it but is also more focused on group survival and not losing anyone else since he just lost someone he loves horribly (based largely on how his reaction to the safe room scenario is either to kill Emily and feel awful but do it because he very vocally and visibly doesn’t want the others to be killed and she won’t go peacefully, and he’s terrified of losing them, or to try but not be able to because he loves Emily, and instead give the gun to the others to try to save themselves with in the event she /does/ turn). And although he’s a right coward bastard for leaving Josh if Josh gets grabbed instead of killed, down in the mines, I do think he cared about Josh. He seems truly sorry to some extent when he finds him, and does /try/ to lead him out of the mines. At the point they make the decision to go for the cable car key, I don’t think they don’t care at all, except Ashley. I just think they should care more. Although I tend to give Chris a pass because he just watched a man get beheaded, has strong reason to think Josh is dead, is injured, and spends the entire rest of the game more or less in traumatized mode quiet in the corner.

But that said I can also see why people would interpret the reactions to mean they all believe he is very dead, and mean they’re going after his corpse! I can see lots of basis in-game to interpret in quite a number of ways. And be generous to the fool kids if you want to! I /super/ hold abandoning Josh in the mines wildly against Mike, but Mike is still one of my favorite characters in the whole game. I love how flawed the cast is and that you go in hating most of them and only slowly grow to care because you don’t want them dead-dead, which keeps you there long enough to see some of their good sides. *cheff’s kiss* the great ability of the horror genre. The bar to initially invest is so low, it lets you have such a multi-faceted cast.

Okay anyway, original question! What do I see happening after Josh gets rescued and exorcised.

I think he meets up with all of them again eventually. Interesting to think from Josh’s pov how he’s going to feel. I expect to some degree he does feel abandoned, and fairly, and in RoB it is very clear he is afraid to some extent of Mike and Chris after being dragged off and tied up and left in the shed, and the things they said to him. He also /definitely/ feels massively guilty and self-blaming about all of it. He’s telling himself through Hill that no one will come for him and it’s his own fault by the final chapter. And mostly he’s just afraid of Mike and in ptsd dissociating mode by the time Sam and Mike find him. So, mixed feelings on his part I expect. Lots of fear and pain and hurt at being abandoned and so universally believed capable of murder, hurt, left to die alone in the mines. Pretty damn betrayed, and that on top of the hurt from what happened to his sisters and the inherent paranoia of paranoid schizophrenia. Hurt that they just left him. Hurt they didn’t believe him. Hurt nobody came for him until it was too late. Hurt he got betrayed again. Probably pretty miserable overall. But with that, also feels really bad about going too far and hates and blames himself intensely for everything, and I expect is also kind of not just traumatized but ashamed of what happens to him, and everyone knowing about the possession and the cannibalism. Probably he wants to lock himself in a room in the corner of a big house and never come out. But also is intensely and miserably and hopelessly lonely. Probably feels all of his friendships are likely broken beyond repair.

I don’t think they are though. Chris “I’m not your bro” six seconds later “bro are you for real?” Hartley almost dies trying to save him and wouldn’t care about the possession stuff except to be worried about him. Sam is angry and harboring some resentment, but clearly reacts to Mike reporting he is gone with regret. Mike would probably feel very guilty for leaving him and be hesitant to reconnect and then defensive doing it, but I think he cares. Jess wasn’t even there for this shit so probably she does. Same for Matt maybe? Ashley and Emily are harder to guess for. I think Ashley would be incredibly angry and resentful—I mean she wants him dead in-game, but might eventually join the others if the others got over stuff? Bc she’s also kinda a joiner? Really it’s hard to say she is a very...hair-trigger character. Volatile and intensely and massively changeable. Probably the least predictable of all. That kind of person scares me deeply in real life because I have been very backstabbed by them before. >.> But anyway hard to say. Also a lot of this depends on what ending, even assuming they all live. But I usually assume that like, Mike almost shot Em, didn’t, Matt tried to save her, Sam saw the workshop, etc ending. Emily I really don’t know. She’s a very self-reliant and hard person. She didn’t have anything very specifically for or against Josh with her experience, but wasn’t that close to him before, so I think she just kinda falls wherever she falls.

I think mostly though that they’d reconnect. Definitely Chris would jump to it, and I think Sam would too—she’s a well educated, empathetic and understanding person. She’d know he needs her. And Chris is his childhood best friend and cares the whole game. I think Mike would try to go too because of guilt, and because he’s a decent guy. Probably so would after not much time those least effected by what Josh did. I think Josh would be alone while being exorcised and probably reocvering in a hospital some after, and Chris would be the first, or Chris and Sam possibly. I think he’d be afraid to see them, and it would be complicated and messy and painful for them all, but it would be okay and sort itself out and they’d find old ground quickly. And having them there would be /incredibly/ vital to helping him recover. I think eventually he’d get back on his feet, and a lot of his old friends would be around and stay in his life. I think things would get better. I’d say the OG ExorJosh comic writer I think did a good job of guessing about what a lot of it would be like. Hard, and slow, and messy. But a lot of them care for him, and I think that would matter enough to help things get okay between them again.

#ask #anonymous #until dawn #long post #Josh Washington #spoilers #exorjosh #exor-Josh

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yarrowleef · 3 years

Text

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well. (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK) Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.

But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that.

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

#warrior cats #the broken code #darkness within #the darkness within #darkness within spoilers #wc tbc #tbc #is that enough tags #yarrow speaks #wc criticism #long post #the broken code spoilers #warrior cats spoilers

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abizarreyodelingincident · 4 years

Text

Our Nightly Confidant 5

Four steps in my shoes

Four feels strongly.

In general, as a rule, but also in this specific situation, where sweat sticks his hair to his forehead and the pegasus boots chaff from constant overuse. From the slight burn of his arm muscles that nonetheless keep swinging the Four Sword.

Amazingly, the emotion at the forefront of his mind cannot be easily and neatly assigned to one facet of him. Annoyance isn't exclusive to any one side of him, quite the contrary. And the 'you can go die!' disdain is a taaaaad too specific as well.

White paws sweep at him and barely miss the top of his head. Would have hit Ezlo, if this had been his first adventure. The pang of nostalgia doesn't help his focus much.

Small bursts of magic and swings of his boomerang sting enough to keep his enemy on the backfoot. Behind him, a few roots twist enough for an opening beneath the trunk. If he can just...

The paw slams inches away from where he was standing a second earlier.

Urgh. It had to happen after they marched all day in search of civilization, didn't it?

Well, nothing to it, Four adjusts his sword and glares back at the slitted eyes trailed on him.

Which is when the loudest, most thunderous bark he ever heard rips the air in half and hammers in his eardrums. The white monster (cat) yowls in fright, fur straight up in horror, back arched, and it sprints right up a tree.

Wolfie is a familiar sight, and a welcome one at that.

But some instinctive part of him that is more Minish than Hylian can't help grip the Four Sword tighter. From this perspective, Wolfie has more in common with Wild's divine beasts than a regular animal. His claws look about as tall as Four himself. And at the moment, the wolf is displaying a mouth full of fangs that promise a painful death.

He doesn't blame the cat for scampering. He's seen what those fangs can do to a throat. Or a wrist. Or an ankle. Not, really, he thinks the cat shows great wisdom in getting the hell out of Wolfie's range.

But, because he is a Hero of Courage, he flips the sword in his hands, sheathes it and waves his arms.

“Twilight!”

The shift is instantaneous, and a little amazing to witness. The ears perk up, the posture straightens from its crouch, the teeth all disappear behind the black lips. It's a flip of Pacci's cane, a turn on a rupee, and there's the big beast their group loves.

“You okay there, Smithy?” Twilight asked, sniffing him for signs of injuries.

It's strange, hearing Twilight's voice coming through the sort of mental-bond-language of the Minish. Useful though. He's not certain he currently possesses the patience for some games of charades with a wolf.

“No injuries.” He puts a hand on the damp nose even as a burst of hot air washes over him. “Just a bit out of breath.”

“Right.”

It's not a doubtful tone, but there's some Time-patented exasperation in there.

“I would have been fine, you know?” says the part of Four that is a bit younger. “I dealt with lots of monsters even at this size.”

(Not Wolfie size though, that he thinks might be beyond him when shrunk.)

The flat look he receives makes him want to squirm.

He's too controlled for that.

“Yes, yes, I know.” He waves off the implied question. “I thought the innkeeper's cat was still inside.”

“He was. But after he mewled a bit, his owner let him out. And when I didn't see you... I had a feeling.”

Four wants to hit his head against a tree. Animals always were more aware of the scent of Minish magic. Many eyed him curiously when he walked through town. He should have known the cat would want to stalk after him. Probably thinking he knew where a village was hidden. He's going to have internal arguments about this all night.

“Cats are all bastards.”

To Four's amazement, Twilight's tail curls between his legs, his ears drooping. He rather looks more the guilty dog part than the majestic beast he insists he is.

“... But they're so cuddly.”

“When you're bigger than them, maybe,” Four deadpans. “Sneaky little shits.”

Twilight's whine is absolutely ridiculous and enough to make him snicker.

“Fine, fine. I'm not deaf, I hear what they say. Not as bad as cuccos, though.” Twilight's gaze wanders off to a faraway place. “Nothing is as bad as those psychotic birds.”

They lose a moment reliving their trauma over the feathered fiends.

Twilight shakes it off first. He lies down, his body like a hill of dark fur before Four, and hints at his back. Any protest Four might have had before dies in the face of his aching legs. He can fight off monsters at this size, but it's unreasonably more complicated. And he is not in the mood to stab spiders in the face tonight.

The fur is silky under his fingers, which is comforting but also a bit of a pain. Climbing means parting the coat of dark hairs and finding grip against skin. Sometimes, the body under him flinches or trembles, like Twilight is fighting off the urge to roll over. Four imagines it's quite similar to tickling. So he hurries up and makes his way up to the top of Twilight's head. Between the ears and roughly around the markings on his forehead.

Satisfied, Twilight stands, and the whole world blurs like he's still using his pegasus boots. A few more steps are needed before Four's body adjusts to the speed, and then he can relax. Twilight's safe.

And, he notes, not heading straight for the inn.

“We noticed the looks, you know,” Twilight says, because he's one of those busybodies that can't help mother cucco everyone around him till they are 'right as rain over a spring'.

“So?” he replies, even, practiced.

(Zelda had questions, at first, then orders that were swiftly obeyed, when in her sight. He hasn't told her that yet.)

“... How many of them do that?”

Do what? He wants to ask. The inn's owner had been quite polite, very careful in avoiding certain words around Four. Indeed so careful that Four could feel their syllables get more and more defined by the innkeeper's silence.

“Whisper?” he settles for. “A few. I'm weird, I know. Shorter than some kids, but can lift a hammer to forge. Own my business outside Castle Town, only shows up for groceries, talks to myself sometimes and stares at empty spots on shelves. I don't know, I suppose they expected me to apprentice beforehand, but there was a kingdom to save and what did that matter then?”

He punches the ground next to him before remembering too late it is Twilight's head.

The growl doesn't last. But the first few words he says are a bit more bitten out than the tone implies.

“There's a kid in my village. Younger than you. Couldn't lose the baby fat in his face for the longest time.” Twilight snorts, and his tail wags a bit. “And he's smart, really smart, a lot more mature than his older brother too.”

Four has a feeling that's partially due to the older brother's personality, but holds his tongue.

“People whispered behind his back. 'That boy is so creepy.'”

“Fey-touched,” Four says before he can hold back the red in him.

That one hurt. He's picked up habits from the Minish, he's aware. Little things like leaving keystones lying around for other kids or tiptoeing minish rings in the grass. But for those differences to matter so much, he hadn't expected until the first time the words had been floating around him.

“Ah,” Twilight says, followed by a whole lot of nothing.

Crickets around them sing. He can almost see some Minish putting a collar on the bugs to bring them home for a concert. Moving from behind stalks of grass, praying to the moon and the goddesses.

Then, Twilight says: “That takes me back.”

Four stumbles through the fur, his hands grasping on some new strands, but he can't tell if his unbalance is due a jolt in their steps or to the enormity of the idea. Twilight, the stereotypical rancher, seen as an outsider?

He tries, but all his brain conjures up is a much shorter version of Twilight dragging goats by the horns. That and dancing (badly) to the melody of a grass whistle.

Even from his spot atop Twilight's head, the eye roll is obvious despite being out of sight. “The only Hylian in a village of Humans?” he drawls. “Found as a toddler lost in the woods? Hardly able to speak for a while?”

Oh, Four thinks, that'd do it.

“They don't have the right to say that to you,” Twilight growls. “You're their hero.”

He could bask in the warmth. Lets himself lie down on Twilight and forget all about the events of tonight.

Curiosity wins, or well, violet does. “What did you do?”

“Nothing special? Just stayed the same and let them talk.”

Four's eyes bug out. “That's it? Nothing? How does that change anything?”

“When you're you, Four... When you're a good person regardless of rumors and whispers... Idiots don't stop talking, but the ones that are worth it stop listening.” A wolfish grin breaks out on Twilight's face. “Besides, you should have seen their black eyes after Rusl heard them say it to my face. After that... well, they could have called me the King of Evil and it wouldn't have mattered. Knowing you got someone in your corner's better than hollow praise from idiots.”

Four blushes.

He forgot for a bit, and he'll apologize to Zelda when he sees her, but it's true. Whenever he recalls that moment, the guard's words aren't ever the same. The phrasing lost all its power, outshone by the impassioned defense and the sheer anger wielded by his friend.

His back straightens. And he allows himself some childish pride in having the Princess of Hyrule in his corner. What do they have to beat that?

Twilight rumbles a laugh. “So... yeah, ignore them. Put them in their place if you want, the goddesses know you have the strength to do it, but that won't change their minds about anything. If you want some peace of mind, discard the idiots.”

Companionable silence falls between them. Four doesn't feel the need to speak after that bit of reassurance. They circle the woods, avoiding Hylians late on the road and monsters alike. Twilight's seemingly content just taking him on a ride, and Four's loath to admit he wants the moment to last a little longer.

They're not too far back from their starting point when he decides to ask: “About that kid?”

“Malo?”

“Yeah, him, how does he deal with it?”

Twilight does not answer right away. He first jumps over some large, gnarled roots and growls at a fox that seemed a bit too curious about the smell of Minish magic. Four's grateful for the time to calm his pounding heart.

“Well, Malo just stares at them until they get uncomfortable. Then he asks them what they're looking for. It never seems to affect him too much.” – discomfort hits at that, and Four can't tell why – “But, well, it also happened in front of me, you know? And I take after my Pa. So I might have knocked a couple of heads together in Casle Town. Followed by a strong talking to. Not that Malo appreciated that I ran off some of his customers.” A sigh. “That kid, I swear.”

Four grimaces. That type of 'customers'. Will think they bless his forge with their presence, praise him to all ends, then turn around and whisper. “I'm sure he's grateful inside.”

“Eh, I hope so, but it's his call in the end. Can't live his life for him.” Some muscles roll, and Four gets the impression of a shrug. “Speaking of, what do you want to do, Smithy?”

The question takes him by surprise, and it's silly that he didn't expect it.

He knows that Twilight would spend the night outside with him if he asks. They're no strangers to outdoor camping and the woods of his era are less dangerous than most. Wolfie would intimidate most if not all the creatures that live inside it.

But it would be illogical to sleep in the woods when they have more than enough rupees to pay for some rooms in a local inn.

Four is reasonable. It's one of his trademarks as a Hero. Mature for his age. Calm. Collected. It's how he's taken seriously as an adventurer. Why would he shatter an illusion that useful? Over some mild ostracization?

'Serve it cold,' says one quarter of him.

Another sides with Twilight. Their big brother made a good point. They couldn't be bothered by every single ungrateful person out there. They'd always exist, so let them stew in jealousy and paranoia and fear. He has the favor of the Princess, his best friend. What does he need anger for against a countryside shop owner?

But, the blue in him counters with an hammer-like argument: 'No, the best revenge is both.'

The others would be a little mad, he thinks. A little.

He's usually mature enough not to get in trouble. He's due for some insanity and explosions. Wild would back him up here. And it might be his voice in his head that pushes the words out of his mouth.

“So, not that I haven't listened to a word you said, but, hypothetically, if I needed help knocking heads together...”

“How many heads? Wars mentioned an interesting technique he learned from his sparring with some Sheikah general the other night. Though, if you'd rather, I can say, without boasting, that a lot of grown men weep at this form. It's embarrassing for everyone, I tell you.”

Four snorts, struck by mischief. “We're going to need to find a stump. I might have a plan.”

Yes, Four contemplates, the glint of wolf fangs under the moonlight is just as terrifying as he figured it would be. He can't wait.

***

Legend is silently debating with Sky over the right to punch the innkeeper in the face. It's a fierce debate communicated entirely through raised eyebrows, scrunched up nose, muted snarls and meaningful looks.

The others' patience is steadily fraying at the edges. It's especially noticeable with their youngest. There are fireworks going off on Wind's face. The knife cutting his slab of meat to pieces steadily stabs into it every time the innkeeper's mouth opens.

“And where are you fine young men traveling to?” he says with a customer pleaser smile.

'Fine young men'. Ah! There's a thing he didn't say about Four. The fucking nerves of this man.

“Far,” Time replies, his tone even, but his expression thoroughly unimpressed.

“Ah, yes, of course...” the innkeeper says agreeably. “You, huh, you'll be going with the, ahem, with the boy, I imagine?”

How dare he sound hopeful? And 'boy'?! This man's livelihood is owed to the smithy! And he doesn't even have the excuse of mind control!

A hint of shame tickles the back of his mind, when he had first heard the innkeeper talking. He had sounded nothing like the ones from his era, who sometimes refused him entry outright on the basis of old and false accusations.

This current attitude was, technically speaking, a strict improvement over that.

But does the man have to come alive and become so at ease serving them food whilst the Hero of this land take a walk outside? Alone, at night?

Legend grunts into his mug. The rancher left after the smithy, so that ought to solve the 'feelings' question. A bit of a stick-in-the-mud he might be, but Twilight's one of the few he would trust to help navigate difficult feelings. He's got the patience for it, unlike a lot of them who tackle everything the way they do a dungeon, with reckless abandon.

Yet, in the cozy warmth of the fire in the hearth, over the hesitant plucking of the minstrel's chords, a howl suddenly calls to the moon.

They, alone, do not tense.

The howl echoes a second time, much louder. Closer.

The innkeeper shoots them a desperate look, but Legend suddenly realizes that he is blind, and possibly deaf. He has no reason to stand up, much less draw his sword. And, would Farore look at that, his condition is contagious!

The hinges creak as they inch open.

If Legend were not so experienced, he might have been nervous. But he's better than that. He leans back in his seat, places a hand on Hyrule's shoulder, and sips his ale.

There in the doorway, cut in shadows with the moon as backdrop, riding on a large grey wolf, Four raises both arms high in the air.

“Fear my unnatural power,” he says with as ominous a voice he can produce.

Warriors snorts, cheeks reddened by alcohol, and he gives a thumbs-up to their smith, despite the owner's pale complexion.

The mugs left on the table begin to shake. Oh, this is gonna be good.

It starts with a pair of squirrels and a owl, neither obeying their instincts in favor of swooping inside the inn. Followed by a handful of moles, fireflies and stray dogs.

In a flash of white, the inn's cat bolts inside the inn, meowing, till it reaches its owner's legs and climbs onto him. It perches itself on his bald head, seconds before the first deer bounces inside the building.

Epona breaks the first table.

But the three raccoons lunging after his cat are what make the owner scream.

Legend guffaws in his ale.

#Linkeduniverse #Linked Universe #LU Twilight #LU Four #LU Wolfie

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yandere-sins · 4 years

Note

Omggg i just had a dream about denki being a ghost inthe forest in the back of my house and bening really yandere towards me and being my friend so wanna write this bb🥺🥺

Wow, dude, that’s... tough? Let me know if you ever get someone to interpret this dream, I’d love to know what it meant!! But until then, hope you can enjoy this here ^^

I suppose, warning for body horror. It's a ghost story after all!

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

You couldn’t hold back the heavy breaths falling off your lips as you collected yourself. Running parkour through the forest wasn’t something you had done in what felt like forever. As a child, you had spent much more hours in between trees and thicket, but having grown up, it seemed more rational not to go out into the forest anymore.

With an uneasy feeling in your tummy, you looked around. The sun was setting slowly, and though - had you started tracking back the way you came from now - you might have made it back before night fell, you couldn’t help but worry. Cellphone signal was sparse around these parts, and you didn’t exactly enjoy camping out in the wild anymore. Back home, they’d surely start to wonder where you ran off to too.

“What are you looking at?” he asked. No leaves were rustling under his steps, but you weren’t exactly afraid of his presence. “The sun is going down,” you noted before looking back at him, standing in the shadow of a tree, shrugging. “What’s the big deal, you’ve been out here before in the dark.”

“Yeah, well, but I was a teenager back then. You know, rebellious phase?”

A burst of light laughter fell off his lips, as you passed him by, his presence trotting after you. Denki was unlike any other friend you had, honestly, unlike any person you knew too. Neither was he exactly alive nor something you could really explain. Often had you thought he might just be an illusion, an imaginary friend you made up when you were little. But everything pointed against this, as he was still here, even though you were of age now.

“Is it still far?” you asked him. It was his idea to go deeper into this forest after all. You were just visiting your family when you saw him stand at the farthest end of your parent’s property, which switched into forest instead of a plain grass field. It hadn’t been your intention to go hiking, but you couldn’t exactly just ignore him.

Not after all you’ve been through together.

Following him through another bush, you wiped your face, feeling like a million bugs just sailed down on you. “Do you remember this place?” he asked, and you opened up your eyes again to see, a big lake spreading out in front of you. At the sight of it, you had to admit feeling warmth spreading through you, fond memories of your childhood resurfacing.

“That’s where I met you first,” you admitted, and he hummed in approval, you two standing on the edge to the water, looking out into the lake. “You were so tiny back then, I still remember it! Didn’t even reach my hips yet!”

“Stop teasing me!” you laughed along as Denki grinned at you, gesturing your height. “You didn’t change at all!” you chuckled, shaking your head. “You always teased me back then too.”

“Just because you were crying and asking for your mommy! You’d get lost a lot the first few times you came into the forest after you moved here!”

“Well-” you chuckled, hesitating before you could admit defeat. “I guess I did.”

Denki nodded, his eyes sliding over you as he took you in. It’s been a while since the last time he saw you. Life had certainly changed for you, school, work, relationships - they all changed. “You changed a lot,” he mumbled after a while, brows furrowed, though you weren’t sure if it was disappointment or disapproval in his slightly translucent eyes.

“You’ve grown - a lot. You’re bigger now than me.”

As a matter of fact, his hand reached up, gesturing between you and him, showing you overtook him by almost half a head now. Kaminari Denki - his name was one of the few things you knew for sure - had always looked the same to you. Always the same height, the same blonde hair, and toothy grin. He told you once that ghosts don’t really change anymore. That’s at least, what he said. Even if you had your doubts, he called himself a ghost of something long gone, leaving you to wonder what he meant.

“Well, life goes on,” you sighed.

“For you,” he noted, a grin on his face that didn’t exactly match his rather sad expression.

“Yeah... I... I don’t think we’ll see each other much more in the future.”

“What?” he retorted. Standing a bit closer to you now, you averted your face. It felt like you were breaking up with him when he looked at you with those big, puppy-eyes, and you couldn’t exactly bear to tell him the news. “Yeah, I decided to move to a different city. I might be back once or twice a year, but well, that’s it.”

“Oh.” The way he said this, made you feel guilty for no certain reason. You two hadn’t been as close as you were when you were younger, especially after you distanced yourself from him and the forest for the sake of hanging out with other friends - real friends - and having to study hard for your exams. True, he had been there in really tough times for you. In times where you had no one, and your parents didn’t make your life easier either. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to ‘formally’ tell him you two would have to go separate ways.

Somehow, you could understand the sadness in his eyes, making it incredibly awkward for you to stand so close next to him. Kicking some loose stones into the lake, you nodded before taking a deep breath. “Yep, so that’s how it is. I better get back before it gets too late-”

“Can I show you one last thing then?” he interrupted you, and you began to stutter, unsure what to say. Something inside of you told you to not go with him. To turn on your heels and get back to your home. This forest had nothing you didn’t know about already, and the most exciting things here were mushrooms. But at the same time, you felt like you owed him this. One last favor. One last adventure with him.

His eyes sparkled up hopefully when you nodded, and he swiftly surrounded you, non-existing feet hastily climbing back into the thicket. With a sigh and the thought of ‘what did I get myself into’ you followed. It became hard for you to keep up with him, more than once losing sight of his luminescent ghost-form, but his voice led you back on track and after him. It got harder and harder to see properly as the rays of sunlight disappeared behind the horizon, and you took out your phone camera to light your way and not stumble over too many roots.

“Where exactly are we going?” you asked, much too late, this question should have been one of the first you should have asked.

“Somewhere special!” he called back, and again, you felt the tug in your stomach to leave. It was getting late, and you had strayed far beyond the forest you knew as well as your pocket. “You have to see this!” he announced, and once again, against the better judgment of your gut, you complied, following him deeper in.

“We’re there!” Denki finally announced when you were already beyond out of breath and nerves to continue. A clearance opened up in front of you, moonlight shining down at the singular tree trunk in the middle of it. “So... what is it?”

“Well, come look!” he urged you, his form now much whiter and visible since it had become night. Hesitantly, you approached the trunk, exchanging more than once glances with Kaminari, who was snickering and grinning excitedly.

“I thought it was only appropriated to show you. I wanted you to know all about me before you decide to go.” His words were but a murmur over your shoulder, making you flinch by how close they sounded suddenly. It got abundantly clear that whatever he wanted to show you couldn’t be good, and you acted carefully as you shone your own light on your surroundings additionally.

Another careful step before you felt a hard resistance under your foot, crunching under the pressure of your weight. “Ouch!” he fake cried out before chuckling, and you shone your light upwards to the trunk, a truly horrifying sight being revealed.

Stumbling back, your hand began to shake uncontrollably. You had to grip it with your other hand before you could even control it, tearing yourself away from the sight. Unfortunately, Kaminari decided to sit on the trunk, making it hard to have a conversation with him without having the remains of a body in the corner of your eyes.

“Yep, that’s me,” he introduced almost nonchalantly, knocking against the skull of the skeleton. “Lost my way out here. Every time I decided to just go in one direction, I would accidentally sidetrack and end up back here. My phone had no connection, and no one knew where I was. I guess... it was just meant to happen.”

“Why...” you muttered, shielding your eyes from the sight. “Why would you show me this?”

“Hm?” he finally looked up at you again. Even for a ghost, he was awfully calm, showing you his remains. “Because you are all grown up now, Dummy! Couldn’t have shown you this when you were still so small, could I?”

“N-No! But I still don’t want to see it now!”

“Bummer,” he admitted, truly sounding disappointed about your reaction. “I was so happy when I met you. Finally, someone that could see me, who I could talk to! I’ve been dwelling in this forest for many years before you came around. I was so lonely, [Name].”

That’s enough, you thought. On his sob story you would gladly miss out, considering you were standing in front of his skeleton remains, talking to his ghost. If that alone didn’t make you crazy, you’d rather be cold-hearted than endure the sight anymore. Turning on your heels, you walked back to where you had come from.

“Don’t leave me, [Name],” you heard from behind you, soft and scared.

“I can’t stay, I’m sorry. I will send someone to bring back your remains and bury them, I promise! I just- I just have to go.”

“But you will get lost if you leave now. Stay with me.”

“No!” you said firmly, immediately feeling bad for being so harsh. Fighting your way back out of the clearance, you looked around, phone light in hand as you moved towards where you thought you had come from. The next ten minutes were spent stumbling over roots and vines before you shoved aside another bush, your eyes widening at the sight of Denki, sitting on the tree trunk you had tried to leave, staring at the sky.

“It’s no good. It’s dark, and you don’t have a compass either, right?”

“No, I have one,” you hissed back, opening up your phone to change to the compass app on it. “Wait!” he called out, immediately by your side with his translucent fingers slipping right through the phone. A spark threw both of you back, and you let go of the machine, the ungodly sound of it cracking reaching your ears.

“Fuck,” you whispered, panicked by now. Moving to pick it up, you saw it fell right on a root, cracking your display into two. “Stay, [Name],” he tried again, his eyes full of sorrow as he looked you. “You’re all I have. We always had so much fun, did we not?”

Shaking your head at him as you gave him a flabbergasted look, you quickly turned around, running this time. You had to get back. You couldn’t stay there. Not after knowing... what happened to him.

Out of breath and with tears in your eyes, you broke your way through the thicket, getting stuck on a root sticking out from the ground and falling right into his non-existing arms again. You were out of the clearance again before Denki could even say another word. You didn’t know how long it took for you until your legs finally gave out, tears falling from your eyes as he sat down in front of you.

With his hands on your shoulders, it wasn’t like he touched you, but you were able to imagine what it felt like, slightly comforted by the feeling, even if it was a placebo. “My family... I’m sure they are looking for me.”

“Yeah, of course. Just stay here for the night, we can try to find a way back in the morning.”

It took you another few shaky breaths before you slowly agreed, even though you didn’t get an inch closer to the skeleton that sat farther away, watching you with a crooked neck. “It’ll be alright. I’m here,” he assured you, while you pulled your hoodie over your head, laying down on what you assumed was a good place to lie in the grass. “We went through much worse than this, remember?”

His cheering up wasn’t half bad, at least your thoughts changed from the feeling of panic to the nicer memories. “I’ll always be your friend, you know? Even if you were far away, I’d still be your friend, but I like it much better when you are here. I’m glad you’re staying the night, [Name], it’s been forever since we had a sleepover!”

Denki chuckled, as his translucent body settled down next to you. “I got you. You don’t have to worry about a thing. Just sleep, and tomorrow we’ll find a way back, I promise.”

“Okay,” you whispered, exhaustion falling over you as he managed to calm you down. “Goodnight, Denki.”

“Goodnight, [Name]. I am so glad you’re staying.”

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arianalilyblack · 4 years

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Come home to me - chapter 2

Title: Come home to me

Chapter no: Chapter 2

Author: @arianalilyblack

Pairing: Harry Wells x Reader x Eobard Thawne/Harrison Wells

Word count: 1740

Summary: The wedding of Barry Allen and Iris West is finally here. You and Harry are caught up with the wedding spirit and start to slowly realize that maybe you developed deeper feelings for each other. Everything is perfect until Nazis bust into the church ruining everything. And alongside Earth X villains guess who shows up? Your ex flame, Eobard Thawne aka the Reverse Flash, complicating everything in your lives.

*gif credits to @girl-in-the-suit*

You heard the alarm go off, you tried to get out of the bed, but you were too weak to move. You couldn’t hide either; you just hoped that everything will work out without your help.

The two speedsters were back at each other’s throats again, fighting at a monstrous speed, leaving a red and yellow streak behind them. No one could follow their combat with the naked eye, except Supergirl. She managed to toss the yellow speedster thus buying some time for the team to regroup. They fought hard and almost won the battle, when a metallic thing showed up. In the heat of the fight, Eobard received a message from the Fuhrer. He had found the woman Eobard was looking for.

„Great! Don’t you dare lay a finger on her” he said into the communicator. He was grinning, excitement building up in his body. He was looking forward to the meeting.

„What the bloody hell?” you asked mortified when you saw Arrow walking into the room. But it wasn’t the Arrow that you knew. He had a full black outfit with red stripes. It was so familiar and then you remembered the enemy archer from the church. You tried to send out a lightning from your palm but only thing that you managed was a little spark. You felt embarrassed and weak.

„Now, calm down little lady. I’m not going to hurt you, not yet anyways. You see, my associate won’t let me do that, that’s too bad.”

„Who the hell are you and what did you do to my friend?”

„I did hurt them, of course, but they are still alive, locked in the cells of the Pipeline, for now.” He turned around and stepped out of the room not wanting to lose any more time on you. You were weak after all; you weren’t a threat in his eyes.

You were so furious that you didn’t feel any pain anymore. You drew strength out of your anger and managed to sit up. You were still shaky, but the thought of your friends hurting pushed you forward. The infusion bag was almost empty so you pulled the needle out from your arm. There was a bottle of water next to the bed, you drank it out and you with that were on your feet. You went through the Cortex, out into the halls and turned left towards the Pipeline. You didn’t get too far though, because a red streak whooshed you away back to the med bay.

You froze in an instant, your mind going blank from the shock. You stared at him as if he was a ghost, because for you he really was one, a poltergeist more precisely. Eobard stood before you with a cocky smirk on his face; he was enjoying himself far too much.

„It can’t be…” this was all you could muster.

„Hello my little minx” he murmured as he stepped closer to you. His movement woke you up from your startled state.

„Don’t!” you said in a low voice.

You were filled by mixed emotions: anger, sorrow, fear, and maybe a tiny bit of love as well. You were upset, you wanted out of the room, away from his presence. He tried to embrace you, but you discharged a small electric wave out of reflex from your body which astounded him. You took a few steps back until you felt the bed pressing to your legs.

A glimpse of sadness crossed Eobard’s face. He was hurt by her welcoming. He was hoping that he’d be greeted with passion and open arms. Instead he was met by a pair of terrified, teary eyes.

„I won’t hurt you, Y/N” he assured her, taking a little step towards where she was standing.

„You caused me enough pain already, Eobard.” Her words stabbed him in the heart, or what was left of it anyways. „You left me here alone; threw me into the deepest, darkest misery. I thought you were dead. I mourned you by myself, cried countless nights because of you. I couldn’t be around the team, because I was ashamed about what you did and what I felt for you. I was all alone…”

She started crying and despite all her negative reactions, Eobard rushed to her and took her into his embrace. He couldn’t stand the sight of her pain. Y/N tried to get out of his arms, she wriggled, kicked and electrocuted him, but he didn’t let go. He held her still in his arms against his chest.

„I’m so, so sorry for what I did to you. Please, forgive me” he pressed a light kiss on her forehead. She flinched at his touch. „I’m here now, and I won’t ever leave you alone.”

„Let me go” she said while pushing him away with her hands. Her palms rested on his chest as she couldn’t push him. „I don’t need you anymore.”

„So that’s what it is.” He felt the jealousy surge inside his body. „You found someone else.”

„No. That’s not…” she paused. It wasn’t that she had found someone else, just found herself. Found her strength to get back on her feet after the horror that she’d been through because of Eobard and his schemes. And of course there was Harry as well, who helped her in so many ways to get over him.

„Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I know you are quit close friends with Harrison Wells from that other Earth” he hissed as he thought about the other one. „I can’t blame you though. You had to replace me with the second best you’ve got, right? But this doesn’t change what you’re needing. And that is me.”

„Enough” you shouted and sent a jolt into his chest, where your palms were resting. That did the trick and you managed to escape from his tightening arms. „He is so much more than you could ever be.”

„I doubt that, dear Y/N. I’m the best version of Harrison Wells in the whole multiverse. You know that deep down” he winked at you and before you could react he was already locked onto your lips.

His kiss was intoxicating, something that you’d been missing for so long. You couldn’t help yourself but to kiss him back. You could feel his big hands roaming up and down your tensed body. Your hands wandered into his curls, feeling the soft hair caressing your skin. You were lost until something from the back of your conscious screamed at you. “What are you thinking, stop it right now”. You felt embarrassed and guilty so you attempted to break the kiss, but he was too strong. Noticing that you were trying to escape he pulled you even closer, pressing his whole body onto you and deepening your kiss. You didn’t reciprocated anymore, so he became more and more aggressive.

In your desperation you leapt into action, you hugged him tight and while you were distracting him with your kiss, you sent all the electricity you could produce in one shot straight into his body. You needed some water, and fast, because if not you would end up dead. With your last strength remained you took your chance and ran towards the Cortex. “How pathetic of me to run from him” you thought. Soon enough you stopped, there was nowhere to run from him. Maybe if you were a speedster, but even then it would be questionable. You found a bottle of orange juice and you drank it, you had to stay hydrated as best as you could. You needed your powers if you wanted to get away from him.

„You can’t run from me, love” he whispered into your ears as he hugged you with his left arm from behind. He planted small kisses on the back of your neck which sent shivers down your spine. „Be a good girl and stop this nonsense fighting. Your lips can tell any lie you want, but your body will always betray you.”

He was right and that made you angry as hell. Your body still ached for his touch and his kiss, even if your mind knew that it was wrong. His right hand went down your waist to your hip and grabbed it tight not letting go of your neck with his mouth.

„Have you finished playing around, Eobard?” Overgirl’s voice came behind him. He groaned in frustration. „We have work to do. Why are you fooling around with this weak woman anyways?”

„General” he exhaled unsatisfied. „Don’t be disrespectful with the object of my affection, if I may ask.” He turned to face her with a wide, dangerous smile.

„I didn’t realize that you were capable of such emotions. Pardon me, uh, what is your name?”

„Y/N, Y/L/N” she said. Now that Eobard’s attention wasn’t focused on her only, she managed to get rid of the man’s hand from her shoulder. Before she could slip away he grabbed her wrist stopping her movement.

„I can see that you are very important for my colleague. Sorry for interrupting your sweet reunion, but Oliver and I need your help Eobard.”

„Of course, General. I’ll be there in a second.” With that Overgirl left the Cortex. „What should I do with you, love?” She knew better than to answer his rhetoric questions.

„I promised you that I won’t hurt you, so until you calm down a bit…” he took her in his arms and they were in the Time Vault in an instance „…you will stay here. Don’t even try to escape, because you can’t. But you can watch as the plan is set in motion.”

„Why are you doing this?” she asked not looking at him.

„If you are talking to someone, you should face them” said he and turned her face to look into her eyes. He could only see sorrow and hatred, no sign of love or the lust she had when he kissed her minutes ago. „I did it to get back home, to you.”

It was true. He wanted to return to her, but he couldn’t without help. The Nazis were controlling the portal, so he agreed to help the Fuhrer and the General get what they want in exchange of a ride home. Home to where she was. He gave her a gently kiss before he left her alone in the room.

Part 3

#harrison wells #harrison wells x reader #harrison wells fanfiction #harrison wells imagine #harry wells x reader #harry wells x reader x eowells #eobard thawne x reader #eobard thawne fanfiction #eowells x reader #love triangle #the flash #the flash fanfiction

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ice-cream-nekogirl · 4 years

Text

i needed to lose you to love me (Bakugou Katsuki X Reader)

Summary: Bakugo sucks at apologizing, but knows that he owes you one. Big Time.

WARNING: THERE IS SOME MAAAAJOR AAAAANGST AND STRANGER THINGS 3 SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER. LIKE… MAJOR... I might have to actually make an alternate ending... sure I personally think this one has a happy ending too but... have ya’ll HEARD Selena Gomez’s new music video and song? It’s heartbreakingly beautiful but important about self-love so... here ya’ll go! Warning it’s also pretty lengthy... I also alluded to American Horror Story in here too.

Taglist: @i-love-bakugou, @soseoky, @random-username-101

The Long Awaited Part 2 of ‘Dump His Ass’ here: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186316524474/dump-his-ass-bakugou-katsuki-x-reader

And Thank You All Might: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186833600249/thank-you-all-might

If you haven’t seen Stranger Things 3 year and don’t want any spoilers… this one has HUGE spoilers so… read at your own risk…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlJDTxahav0

You promised the world and I fell for it... I put you first and you adored it

It’s been at least a couple of months and yet you found yourself still upset over the newfound sadness that plagued you as you put away an empty glass of water in the sink, sniffling a little bit. Unable to help but let some tears stream down your face as you could only think about what you had lost.

Why did it have to be him?

Yes, he was a huge jerk but he had a good side after all.

It wasn’t just you, many others had to see his nastier sides and witnessed him beat up some innocent people. And many, including yourself had thought there was no way such a jerk could ever have any sort of redeeming qualities, and the only good trait about him was that he was good-looking and badass.

He acted like he was so big and tough and bullied others just to show off his power, but even he had a soft spot that he buried deep down inside.

And you lost him.

Now all you could do was cry as you grabbed a tissue to wipe your face, not wanting to go to school upset over such a silly thing. Plus, you already embarrassed yourself in class not long ago by crying in front of everyone, so it was time to just get over it…

But you missed him…

“(Y/N)?” You nearly perked up as soon as you heard a familiar voice that belonged to the person you had been avoiding for the past months. Your ex-boyfriend…

Bakugou wasn’t a patient guy, and had been trying to bug you for the past couple of months but you stopped letting him and he had reluctantly put up with your silent treatment and cold shoulders. However, he couldn’t ignore your tears, he fucking HATED seeing you cry and he fucking HATED knowing that he was responsible for them…

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn...

He tried to get close to you, but you never let him, except this time he wasn’t going to let you just push him away. “Oy. What the fuck’s the matter…?” Despite his coarse language there was gentleness as he closed in towards you and looked you in the eyes.

“H-He’s gone…” You didn’t want to really see him, but you decided to just answer his question and his eyes slightly widened, “Who’s gone?” His concern grew when he thought that someone important to you might have died or disappeared.

“B-Billy… Billy’s gone… Hopper’s gone too… a-and so is Alexei…” You wiped your tears away with a napkin and swallowed hard to try and not get so emotional over the beloved characters you grew attached to.

But Bakugou could only blink in befuddlement, only for that to turn into pure and simmering annoyance, “Seriously?! Are you talking about the characters from that show?! I thought someone actually died!” He quickly shouted as you put your hand over your mouth to quell a snicker, as sad as you were over losing Billy, Hopper and Alexei, Bakugou’s anger was so amusing.

Yes you had been rewatching Stranger Things 3 ever since it came out because it was THAT good, you finally watched all of it with your friends and it was the BEST season thus far. Yet, it still didn’t cease to break your heart with the way it concluded this year.

“Yes… I am… oh yeah… Billy’s dead… and Alexei’s a new character that everyone fell in love with, Hopper’s also PROBABLY dead and Eleven… moved away from Hawkins can you believe it…?” With a small smirk you told him everything that you were sad about and you were actually really shocked to see his eyes go wide in the slightest bit of outrage as he yelled.

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN THE THIRD SEASON! I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Well I wouldn’t have to tell you what happened if you had just sat your ASS DOWN that night and watched it with me.” It was your turn to be harsh as you used a sharper tone that almost scared your ex as he looked at you in shock. He was not used to this side of you at all because you were usually his cheerful if weird and kooky girlfriend.

Bakugou knew you could be tough, but being on the end of it was… scary to witness.

“Now you care about the show?” You chuckled and shook your head when you recalled all of the times when he mocked your taste in shows and repeatedly said that Stranger Things was unoriginal and stupid. Well, actually at first you were okay with it because that was okay and it wasn’t anything personal, but then he started mocking other things that you liked knowing that you liked them and then mocked you for liking them. Why did you put up with all of that?

Sang off-key in my chorus 'Cause it wasn't yours...

“Because you made me watch it! You’re the idiot that got me invested in that dumb show in the first place!”

“Okay, maybe I was a LITTLE bit pushy but… did it kill you to watch something with me every now and then you jerk?” You had calmed down a little bit, and instead put your hands up just to stop this pointless argument, much to Bakugou’s slight surprise as his scowl had lessened.

“You know what? Nevermind… I’m not going to argue about a freaking show… and I’m not gonna waste yours or my time… I forgot how much you value your time.” Shaking your head, you grabbed your bags to get ready to leave soon. Maybe you were giving Bakugou the guilt trip, but in your defense he called you fat and accused you of being lazy, and you were starting to realize that he didn’t give you a whole ton of respect during your relationship as he insulted things you liked, didn’t spend a lot of time with you, brushed you off when you tried to help him, blew you off at times and again, he called you fat. Something he swore that he would NEVER call you, and he broke that swear.

He treated you like garbage so now, like Max had said, it was time to treat HIM like garbage.

And so far the guilt-trip was working and Bakugou hated that it was. Every time you reminded him of the things he said, this knot in his chest would build and it would make him SO angry and yet so fucking guilty.

“Dammit (Y/N)… will you just listen? I know I said some stupid-shit but-“

Uh-uh, you didn’t want to hear it and you quickly put your fingers in your ears and started to sing, “Lalalalala~! I can’t hear you~! I respond to nothing Katsuki~!” You sang outloud and that just made the already frustrated Bakugou even madder, “CUT THAT OUT! (Y/N) YOU MORON STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING KID!!”

“I’m sorry? But I can’t understand you Katsuki… cuz you’re a human… and I’m a pig, remember? Pigs can’t understand humans… there’s a language barrier. Oink, oink.” Your eyes were wide in fake surprise which REALLY shocked but also REALLY infuriated your ex.

“Do NOT call yourself that! You’re not a pig! Come on I didn’t MEAN what I said all right?!” You couldn’t be serious; you couldn’t have taken his words to heart THAT much could you? He really hoped not, because it just made him regret what he said even more.

However, you weren’t listening to him and just continued to ignore him as you tried to walk away, but Bakugou wasn’t going to let you. He didn’t like this feeling, he didn’t like it at all…

I saw the signs and I ignored it Rose-colored glasses all distorted

“Hey! Goddamn it (Y/N) stop ignoring me!” Bakugou wasn’t used to you ignoring him at all, because you always, always gave him your attention, sometimes a little too much but he got used to it. And he liked that...

“Katsuki, you SERIOUSLY hurt me… I’ve told you this… the damage is done… you know I had a hard time growing up because of that… and you and Izuku were the only ones who never called me things like that when everyone else did…” Your voice cracked yet again as you quickly turned away and walked away as fast as you could, not giving Bakugou the chance to try and reach out for you the second he thought you were going to cry again.

Set fire to my purpose And I let it burn

“Argh! (Y/N)!” Bakugou called your name, but his guilt kept him rooted to where he stood as he let you walk off. But his eyes slightly widened when Mina and Yaoyorozu had been around and came just in time to walk with you and give warning glances to Bakugou so he didn’t try to come over to you. Mina even made sure to glare at him as the girls put their hands on your shoulders as the three of you walked away and left your ex alone.

Again…

“Dammit…!” He exclaimed to himself with his fists clenched. God he really fucked up; his classmates were giving him the stink-eye and you probably hated him. He couldn’t have that.

Well, Bakugou still really didn’t give a shit about what the others thought about him, but maybe, just maybe he didn’t want you to hate him. Even if it was his own fault. The more he reflected on what he said to you, the worse he felt…

You got off on the hurtin' When it wasn't yours, yeah...

8 HOURS LATER

You held back a yawn at the last class of the day, resisting the urge to go to sleep when Aizawa droned on and on about something you didn’t really care about. Well, it wasn’t that you were sad or anything, you were totally over everything that went down the last couple of days. Frankly, you had better things to think about and deal with than your dumb ex-boyfriend.

Like the new Zombieland! Now that you watched Stranger Things 3, it was time to get into something new. And you finished Big Mouth season 3 too so… you needed something else to focus on that wasn’t related to your ex or school. You giggled a little bit at the thought, maybe you should have been focused on studying for upcoming tests but at the same time it felt like everyone had been working too hard.

So the minute it was time to go you quickly went over to Izuku to see if you could drag him to the next showing.

“Hey ‘Zuku c’mere I got a plan…” You kinda grabbed his arm, making him jump a bit in surprise as he yelped a little bit. “A-Ah! Oh! H-Hey (Y/N)-chan… s-sure…” You thought he was so cute even though you two had been friends forever and he STILL got nervous whenever you touched him.

However, Bakugo didn’t find it cute AT ALL. Why the hell were you touching Deku?! What the hell were you doing with Deku?!

You didn’t notice this though as you just lulled him away to whisper, “Hey I’m like super hyped for the new Zombieland cuz it’s been getting some pretty good reviews despite the fact that it’s been like 10 years since the last one so… wanna go see it with me? I’m gonna invite some other fun people with me~.” It was a bit of a sudden, spontaneous idea but you thought ‘fuck it’ you wanted to go watch an awesome zombie movie with your friends and get school off your mind for a little bit.

Wasn’t that one of Columbus’s rules after all? Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Yes you memorized some of the rules, some of them were good rules!

“Zombieland? Oh, that’s right! They made a sequel… sure…! I think that would be kind of nice…” Izuku wasn’t exactly a movie buff like you were but he liked spending time with you and watching movies or TV with you, and he liked the first Zombieland too.

“Great! Give ourselves a goddamn break ya know? I think we’re all kinda stressing out so yeah! Let’s go for it dude!” You gave him a big grin as he couldn’t help but blush quite madly, but he was happy that you seemed a bit happier as of late. Given the drama that occurred after you and Bakugou broke up and the mini depression you went through afterwards that lessened somewhat with the help of him, Shinsou and All-Might.

Did you still get sad? Of course. Depression and a low self-esteem don’t just go away, but your friends had been helping you through that, and you even still talked to All-Might whenever he and Izuku were training together or discussing something together.

“Actually that’s… not a bad idea at all. I suppose we have been a little busy lately...” He took note of what you were planning, and thought that a break could be good for him and his friends. “YEAH! Totally! I’m gonna invite Hitoshi! And Mina, and Tooru, and Denki, Fumikage, Yuga, Tsu, Momo, Eijirou, Hanta…” You listed off a few people you planned to invite since those were the ones you felt oddly closest to. It was a pretty big group but hey they could pay for their own tickets right? Besides the more the merrier!

“I think they’ll really like that (Y/N)-chan.” He thought outloud as the two of you walked out of the place together and headed towards the dorms, unaware that a furious Bakugou overheard EVERYTHING.

You were inviting THOSE losers to see a fucking movie but not him?! What the hell?! Now you were full-on ghosting him?!

That’s what it certainly felt like as he discreetly followed you and the damn nerd back to the dorms and you cheerfully skipped over to your room to get some good clothes on and get your things altogether so you could prepare for the upcoming time-slot at 6. You still had 2 hours but you liked to be ready before then.

And you quickly started to text to your friends.

‘Hey Toshi, let’s go see Zombieland 2! I hear it’s really good so lets go C it bro!’

You texted Shinsou first though since he was the other friend you considered your closest.

‘Sure. Liked the first one, looking forward to this one.’

He quickly texted you back and was certainly up for it as you grinned and decided to tease him just a little bit. ‘HOORAY! And it’s a movie made just for you!’

‘HAHAHA YOU’RE SO FUNNY’

His text was very sarcastic but just as playful as yours as you snickered a little bit before you started sending the other texts to your friends.

‘LET’S GO SEE ZOMBIELAND 2 YA’LL. We need break, let’s go laugh it up at the movies!’

Was the text you sent via group messaging to Mina, Hagakure, Kaminari, Tokoyami, Aoyama, Tsuyu, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima and Sero. And you were met with numerous replies.

‘YEAH! I LOVED THE FIRST ONE!!’

‘Oooh I’m so excited for the sequel!’

‘Oh yeah! Now that’s an idea (Y/N)! Let’s nut up or shut up!’

‘I will never turn down an offer to see a zombie movie.’

‘Yes~. The first one was amazing, the second will be just as good~.’

‘I did like the first one, I’d like to see the second one too so that sounds like it would be fun (Y/N)-chan.’

‘Oh that comedy horror movie? Sure! The first one you showed me was good!’

‘OH HELL YES! I love that movie! It’s a yes (Y/N)! Thank you! I’m so up for that!’

‘Sure! I freaking loved the first one, dunno how this one’ll do without Bill Murray tho.’

You snickered at someone of their replies, finding many of them cute and funny at the same time. Looks like you had a party to go see this movie with, and you couldn’t be happier. You really needed this, since the past months hadn’t been easy since you were admittedly still getting over Bakugou. And you thought about what All-Might said, how you had to believe that you were beautiful and that you deserved love.

Of course, you still had a hard time believing that because it wasn’t just something you could drill into yourself and expect it to stay there, but at the same time you made sure to keep reminding yourself that and set your inner saboteur at bay. While at the same time, trying to not let what Bakugou told you dictate how you saw yourself.

You loved Bakugou, you really did, but he was mean to you, even though you knew what you were getting into, it ended up hurting you more than you ever thought it would when he just kept saying things that hurt and got into arguments with you whenever you wanted him to just spend a little time with him. He hurt you, and it was something you couldn’t quite just let go of, even though you weren’t exactly upset at him anymore, part of you still was.

And the love you still had for him didn’t leave you, but you kind of hated him too for being such a jerk to you, to Izuku and to Shinsou too for that matter. You hated him and you hated all the terrible things he said to you, because his remarks made you realize that no, you didn’t deserve any of that. Sure, you knew that maybe he really did love you at one point, because he kept trying to apologize so that meant he had to have still loved you right?

Or was it just his pride trying to win you back so he didn’t feel like a loser? You weren’t so sure, but deep down you knew that he did love you and did it because maybe he did feel really bad for what he said.

Dammit you wanted to hate him, but dammit you fucking loved him too. And damn, dammit it wasn’t good for you. You couldn’t just take him back after all of that, but you would at least know that he wasn’t a bad guy, he did have a heart, and that he did love you, and you loved him too…

But you didn’t deserve to have him treat you the way you did either. You loved him, but you were learning how to love yourself too.

You sighed as you got in your clothes and got everything you’d need from your wallet to your purse as you left your room. Making your way to the common room to hang about until it was a good time to leave.

“So Zombieland 2 huh?” Shinsou surprised you by suddenly speaking and popping up right behind you as you let out a shriek and jumped. Dammit he really was like a cat after he started training more. Hell he was so good you didn’t even detect that he was there since he was like a ninja learning how to subdue any obvious aura that you could sense.

“Good God man you’re going to need to start wearing a bell or something!” You whined a little bit as he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at your expense and the light flush on your cheeks.

“But yes… Zombieland 2… Double Tap. What the fuck am I right? I looooves me some zombie movies! Add a little comedy to it and you get one hell of a flick!” However, you went from surprised to cheerful as you happily shook your firsts in giddy anticipation.

“Heh… yeah you got a point. The first one set the bar… might as well see if these guys still got it after 10 years…” He thought outloud as you gave him a nod and a thumbs up. “It was actually my first rated R movie.” Shinsou then decided to share as you perked up a bit with a gasp. “For reals?”

He smiled and nodded as a grin came to your lips, “Nice… that’s a good start to the world of R rated movies. I’ve been watching so many R rated movies at a young age I forgot my first one…” You KINDA bragged but you weren’t lying, you’d gotten into R rated movies at a pretty early age, but Shinsou was actually somewhat impressed as he gave you a smirk.

“Oh yeah? You’re not the only one… I just have a better memory.” And he kinda poked fun at you as you laughed and playfully smacked his shoulder. “I’ll give you that…” Still you decided to own up to that because yes, you didn’t have the best memory unless it came to movie lines, character quirks or memes.

“Well… it’s a good idea, and I’m into it so… I’ll just go put on something that’s… not my uniform.” Shinsou’s smile looked almost coy as he scratched the back of his neck as you smiled back at him, “Take your time, movie don’t start for another hour and a half.” You said as he gave you a polite wave that you happily returned.

Yeah, you couldn’t wait to see the movie now. Especially with Shinsou, Izuku and all the others, they were so great. Shinsou and Izuku were so great… Shinsou was great…

You couldn’t help but think as you made sure you had everything, and some candy you stored away and would sneak into the theaters as you put the treats into the secret pockets of your purse. However, you paused momentarily when you definitely felt someone else’s aura in the room, no one other than Bakugou’s. You knew what his aura felt like, it was always so vibrant, bright and almost hot whenever you came so close as you could always see it flickering and blazing. Only this time, it was subdued, akin to a small candle.

“So you’re going to see that movie huh?” There it was, his low, raspy voice that you had fallen in love as you turned to see him looking so oddly calm. Bakugou wasn’t known for being calm at all, and yet he was here looking strangely cool.

You had to admit, although you kinda wanted to still treat him like garbage you were starting to feel kind of guilty about it too. So you decided to be more civil this time as you smiled, “Let me guess… Denki and Eijirou told you?” You asked politely as he scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Duh. Those two don’t know how to keep their traps shut when they’re excited…”

Maybe you could invite him? You thought, sure he was probably going to turn it down but… no, it probably wasn’t a good idea.

“In their defense, it’s been 10 years since the last one showed. The actors are all kinda old now, and we’re interested to see if they still got that thing ya know? If they can hold a candle to the first one, not sure you remember it but it was hella funny.” You said with a smile, and Bakugou couldn’t help but feel somewhat at ease.

The smile was real and it’s been a LONG time since he’s gotten a smile from you, it almost hurt seeing you smile because he remembered the times when you and him were together, you were always smiling. But this time, you and him weren’t together, and yet you were smiling now. Of course, Bakugou wanted you to be happy, but were you happy without him…? He almost didn’t want that… he wanted to be the one to make you smile because he was never, EVER going to say the stupid shit he said ever again.

“I remember.” He said gently and you were KINDA freaking out, was this even the real Bakugou? You were a little concerned, but you knew you shouldn’t have been since the calm aura was still as orange and red as ever, the red drowning away the orange as you saw a flicker of pink in there. Was that love? Or was that guilt? It had to be guilt. You knew Bakugou at his most vulnerable, and you adored that side of him too, but things have been so awkward between you and him that you didn’t know what to do…

You sighed a little bit and nodded as you moved from the refrigerator to go and sit at the couch, “I always thought you were prettiest like this.” But you stopped before you could sit as you perked up at his sudden comment though, and you looked over at him in shock. Did he just say you were pretty?

We'd always go into it blindly I needed to lose you to find me

A chuckle left you, turning into a snicker as you shook your head and you saw more of your Bakugou when he narrowed his eyes at you in annoyance, “How so…? I’m… not really dressed up.”

“Well that’s why!” He raised his voice a bit, and you honestly smiled because now he was kinda back to being himself and being honest. However, he didn’t want to yell at you anymore or make you feel worse so he calmed himself down, “Just regular clothes, no make-up, messy hair… no fake, colorful shit, just your style.” Okay, now you couldn’t be so sure, but dammit he wasn’t lying, it was all in his aura, his tone, and the way he was moving closer to you.

He really was trying, wasn’t he? You wanted to forgive him, you really did, and you were still trying to but… you weren’t ready for that.

“Heh… you’ve got weird taste in girls Katsuki.” You were still self-deprecating, just like you had been in your relationship, but Bakugou always made you feel better about it, and told you that you WERE beautiful and how you never ceased to turn him on.

Only this time, the words he said to you came back, and the things you told yourself came back and reminded you that no, you couldn’t fall back into his arms. No matter how close he got as he slowly came behind you. “Stop saying shit about yourself like that… you’re beautiful…”

God you loved the warmth that radiated from his powerful physique as his arms came around you, a shudder going down your spine at the familiar feeling. No, no, no you weren’t going to fall back into his arms, dammit… you couldn’t…

It was a pleasurable torture when he put his arms around your plump waist as he caressed your sides, and gave you a gentle kiss to the side of your head. Hoping that you could forgive him as you didn’t resist his advances until you decided…

“No.”

You wanted to, but knew that you couldn’t right now as you grabbed his hands to pry them off of you, “No Katsuki, no, no…” Shaking your head, you were surprised that you managed to get his hands off you as you heard a low growl resonate in his throat as he gave you a soft glare, but he knew that… he couldn’t do anything because you said ‘no’. And Bakugou was taught very early on by his bitch mom that no meant no…

“Sorry I just… I don’t… I’m not... I can’t do that…” You shook your hand and raised a hand as you averted his gaze and instead you went back to go and maybe get other things from your room, but the truth was you just wanted to escape this awkwardness, it was too much for you. And frankly you were terrified of falling back into his arms again…

This dancing was killing me softly I needed to hate you to love me, yeah...

Bakugou accepted that you said no but he was pissed off as he clenched his fists and trembled with hurt and rage. For a moment he almost thought you were doing this on purpose, and pushing him away for good. Why didn’t you forgive him? He apologized (a lot), he’d been trying so hard to apologize and take back everything he said to you.

Grinding his teeth, and barely holding it in, he angrily marched over to take out a minuscule of this fury on the nearby dishes on the table and shoved them off as they loudly shattered and cracked upon making impact with the floor.

“DAMMIT!!”

He finally shouted with all the pent-up frustration, his booming voice drowning out the shattering glass as you gasped and backed away in slight shock and fear at his sudden outburst.

"How fucking long are you going to punish me (Y/N)?! HOW FUCKING LONG?! ARE YOU REALLY STILL PISSED OFF OVER SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED MONTHS AGO?!”

This reminded you of something you saw in a movie, he was so pissed and even yelling at you and honestly it did scare you, but Bakugou wouldn’t hurt you. Physically at least, you knew that much, but you weren’t going to back down

“Of COURSE, I’m still kind of pissed off! And for the record I am NOT punishing you, you narcissistic asshole, I’m TRYING to think about how I should forgive you for the things you swore to NEVER call me! Or if I even should forgive you! W-What? You want me to j-ju-ju-just… make out with you like its old times?!” You exclaimed with the same vexation that you had been keeping at bay ever since the two of you broke up, not seeing Bakugou’s narrowing eyes and shaking figure as he seethed when you once again, reminded him of the big mistake he made with you.

“I... I mean I... I can’t even look at your face Katsuki! Without… thinking about and hearing the words you said to me and the expression of anger and disgust on your face when you said that I was just some fat pig who was wasting your time!” Emotion nearly choked you up as you wiped your eyes when tears started to cloud them and you couldn’t see just how aggravated and distressed Bakugo was as he clutched his hair out of frustration.

“I FUCKED UP!! How many times do I have to say that I fucked up?! How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!”

Throwing his hands up, he shouted that he had indeed screwed up, louder than before, frustrated with everything, with you, with himself, with the fucking guilt that just started eating away at him again.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me, yeah...

“You can say you’re sorry all you want! I just… I can’t ignore the fact that you would stoop so low to say the same things the people YOU protected me from would say to me. Why did you do that?” You had to ask, even though you were still mad as hell.

“ARGH! Dammit! I don’t fucking know! I was pissed off! I had shit I was dealing with and I took it out on you but I shouldn’t have! I admit it!” Bakugou wasn’t denying it anymore, he knew he royally screwed up and that he couldn’t use his anger as an excuse for it, but you still weren’t having it.

“Oh. Oh so that’s what I am huh? Something for you take it all out on? Well your bad temper is not an excuse Katsuki and I’m done listening to you use that as your excuse for almost everything… you can’t even put it aside to think about me or how that must have seriously hurt me. Did you ever even think about how I felt during those times? Did you ever stop to put yourself in my shoes? Did you ever feel awful and useless when you couldn’t make your partner happy? Or... d-did, did you ever dread going to school because people were going to comment about the way you look? Did you go home feeling horrible about yourself because people called you ugly and fat? Did you spend nights crying all by yourself, bored and alone and feeling like you were going to be alone for the rest of your life because everyone else made you feel so worthless? Did you ever feel like maybe it was your own fault? Did you ever think that you had to have been the worst partner ever because it seemed that no matter what you did, you couldn’t get your partner to spend time with you? Did you ever feel like maybe you really were worthless because you felt like you just couldn’t do anything right and then spend every day hating yourself?!”

You barraged him with all of these questions that broke his heart as he hated the emotions swimming in his furious crimson eyes but that’s not what you were talking about as you glared at him with hurt, darkening red aura barely visibly radiating from you. He couldn’t even say anything because deep down, he knew that he was probably one of those people now after you broke up with him because of what he said…

“I just… god… here’s my real question… why are you such a fucking asshole to me?” That’s the real question you wanted to ask him, and Bakugou couldn’t help but look shocked, confused but even more pissed off than before. He was an asshole to everyone, but you were hellbent on this little spat because of what he said, that was it wasn’t it? You were still mad because of something he said…

“For God’s sake I said I was sorry for what I said all right?! I’ve said it a million goddamn times! I’m SORRY (Y/N)! I didn’t mean what I said to you! I want to take it all back because it was the worst fucking thing I could have ever said to anyone! Especially you!” He shouted his apology, the angry tears threatening to spill but you shook your head at this.

“I’m not talking about what you said, I’m talking about everything! Ever since we got together you’ve still managed to treat me like shit! Even before we got together you still treated me like shit, and yet it got worse when we became a thing! You hardly spent anytime with me, pushed me away when I tried to help you, made fun of what I liked, insulted me and called me other names for what? Cuz I’m a geek like Izuku, cuz I like geeky things and like to watch TV and eat sweets and say dumb puns and hang out with Izuku and Hitoshi, well I’m sick of it Katsuki! I’m fucking sick of it!”

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me…

You didn’t realize the tears dripping down your chin, or the sudden wave of blue aura that your sadness triggered and emitted from your form and rushed towards anyone in the vicinity as Bakugou cringed as the tears automatically streamed down his face in response to your quirk. Damn your quirk… but he’d be lying if he said that it wasn’t just your quirk making him cry…

Neither of you noticed that some of your classmates Izuku, Shinsou, Kirishima and Hagakure instantly backed away from being seen by you or Bakugou. They heard the screaming, and they were hella uncomfortable as they gasped quietly when your quirk hit them and immediately brought tears to their eyes as Izuku and Kirishima covered their mouths as huge tears well and dripped down their faces and made them quietly cry. Shinsou shut his eyes tightly when he felt your quirk make unwanted tears pool in his eyes as he tried so hard to blink them away but couldn’t stop some from falling. Hagakure on the other hand whimpered and had to keep her mouth shut though the boys couldn’t see anything other than moisture streaming down her invisible face.

She didn’t focus on them though, instead she was just thanking the gods for making her invisible because hearing two people scream at each other was scary…

However, the screaming died down once Bakugou heard you out, and apparently everything else that became clearer to him the more you said it. He knew he wasn’t hardly a good boyfriend, aside from the more intimate times you and he shared but it couldn’t make up the bad times either. Hell, even he knew he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, but now he felt like he’d been a really shitty boyfriend after you finally said all of it. All the shitty things he’d done before and after your relationship…

You sighed, closing your eyes as you looked away from him and didn’t see the look on his face. Remorse, shame and subdued fury all etched throughout his features as he furiously wiped his face to get rid of the tears he couldn’t stop. He wanted to comfort you, but he was the one who hurt you, and now he was hurting too, all of the hurt that he caused you to feel.

You promised the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it...

“I’m just… I’m going to go now… sorry I just… I have to go…” But you didn’t want to be around him right now, you had a movie to go see with your friends. And the worst part is he was letting you, he wanted to follow you and just keep saying that yes, he was an asshole to you and that he just wants to take it all back so you could forgive him.

Dammit why the fuck wasn’t he moving?! Why the fuck wasn’t he saying anything?!

All Bakugou could do was stand there, stunned in silence and growling quietly, rubbing at his tearful eyes more harshly as he watched you go. No, he couldn’t just leave it like this, it couldn’t end like this right?

No it wasn’t, he couldn’t just let it end like this, but he couldn’t bother you right now, he knew that much at least no matter how much he just wanted to go with you so he could at least be close to you after spending these past few months alone.

Yet he’d be kind enough to let you go with your friends as you spent the next hour just preparing yourself and drying your tears so you could go to everyone and say that you were okay. But of course, you weren’t okay, they knew that all too well.

Even Shinsou and Izuku held their tongues when they were all leaving with the motley crew of classmates that often didn’t hang together but were nonetheless friendly with each other.

“Ya all right there girl?”

“Is there anything you need (Y/N)?”

“I’m okay… honestly guys.” Kaminari and Kirishima were the first to ask if you were okay. “He didn’t say anything mean again did he?” Kirishima made sure to ask about Bakugou though, sure he was practically his best friend but even he wasn’t standing by him after the things he said to you. What he said was NOT cool, did he give him emotional support? Definitely, he’s the one who even told him that he should apologize to you, but he was sad that it didn’t seem to work.

However, he knew you weren’t obligated to forgive Bakugou, no matter how much everyone wanted to see a happy ending for you both.

“No one would blame you if you didn’t forgive him (Y/N). What he said was pretty cruel given you guys’ history together.” Tsuyu spoke what she thought, but she at least hoped nobody would. Some might have thought you were being unreasonable and unforgiving but Tsuyu wasn’t going to blame you if you didn’t take him back.

“She’s right. Or at least… they shouldn’t blame you. Although… I at least hope the two of you can reach better terms…” Yaoyorozu had a BIT more compassion though and sincerely hoped the best for you both and you couldn’t help but smile because that’s exactly what you wanted to.

While you and Bakugou didn’t have a pleasant conversation, you did want to at least go back to him later and say that it’d be great if you and he could at least be friends.

“I do too Momo… thanks Tsu. Thanks you guys… I’m still working on the forgiveness part but for now… I do want to get on better terms with him at least.” You smiled sadly at your sympathetic friends who all gave their nods and smiles of agreement as they seemed to approve.

“The decision is yours (L/N). There’s no obligation for you to return.”

“Yeah like, if it wasn’t healthy then you shouldn’t go back to it… sure sometimes toxic relationships can be cleansed but… Bakugou’s got his own stuff to work on too.”

Despite their less than stellar grades in school, Tokoyami and Sero were wise in their own ways, as what they said made you feel better and it made a lot of sense. And you appreciated the hell out of them for that.

“That’s right!”

“Uh huh! We’re with you with whatever choice you make too!”

“Of course my friend~.”

And it helped when Mina, Hagakure and Aoyama backed you up by giving the same endless support they had been giving you for months as you couldn’t help but tear up and laugh. “Dammit you guys… thanks… but please… enough with the mushy stuff I don’t wanna get all emotional again…” Your amused tone earned smiles and small laughs from your dear friends as Shinsou and Izuku stood by you.

“Sure… you’ve probably had enough of that huh?” Shinsou knew it’s been an emotional roller coaster for you, and he was certain that you could only handle so much mushy gushiness. “Y-Yeah… but I appreciate it… shows how much ya’ll care about me.” You had to admit that though, you loved how much all of your friends had done so much to help you.

“Anything for you (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku gave you one of his sweet smiles that you found irresistible as you smiled back at him. Something about him always made you feel so cared for; he was a good guy. He and Shinsou were such good guys.

They made you remember to actually love yourself too. They certainly loved you, and the rest of your friends loved you too. And you were starting to love yourself a little bit more too.

“Wait! There’s like 10 of us! How are… are you paying for all of us…?”

You snickered and couldn’t be happier to hear Kaminari’s comical but logical question as it broke the ice and lightened the mood. “Oh actually I also invited Shouto!” And you suddenly announced that, grinning as soon as you saw the dual-haired boy coming your way with a small smile as he watched you wave.

“Hey Shouto~!” You greeted him cheerfully as he joined in with your group.

“Hello (L/N). Hello Midoriya.” He returned the greeting politely, still giving you one of those rare little smiles that you were happy to see.

“Todoroki! (Y/N)-chan invited you too?” Izuku was especially elated to see his friend there, albeit he was surprised since you waited til the last minute to invite the fire and ice user. “Yes. She showed me the first one last week, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I’m interested to see how this second one will go.” Todoroki’s been slowly converted to your way of pop culture as you introduced him to several films like Disney and Marvel, but especially classic old movies like The Breakfast Club, Jennifer’s Body and Zombieland of course.

“Yeah you go bro! That’s my dude!” You were ecstatic that he was willing to come along though, and it showed. “Besides… I was able to take 10000 yen from my old man’s wallet so everything is on me.” His smile turned into a small smirk as you gasped and laughed, clapping your hands happily.

“YES! That’s my Shouto! Rebelling against daddy~!!”

Okay, maybe you kinda gave him that idea since you didn’t have a lot of money yourself, but Todoroki did, and he was more than happy to pay for you and his friends especially since it was so accessible thanks to his bitch father.

“All right~! Let’s go~!!” You exclaimed cheerfully, throwing a fist in the air as you lit up a bright, cheerful pink aura that radiated throughout your friends which made them all perk up a bit as they felt your happiness and were just as excited as you were now.

“YEAH!”

“ZOMBIELAND~!!”

“WHOO-HOO! DOUBLE TAP!!”

“CARDIO~!”

Kirishima, Mina, Sero and Kaminari were especially excited as they were your more extroverted friends, but everyone was smiling along with you as they gladly followed you to the movie theater to see this long-awaited sequel of the first beloved movie.

Everyone was happy. You were happy too, you were especially happy now despite what happened with you and Bakugou.

The same unfortunately could not be said for Bakugou, who was far from happy, but he was glad that you were at least happy. He just wishes that he could have been happy with you, and that he could make you happy.

But he didn’t make you happy anymore.

2 HOURS LATER

“That was fucking INCREDIBLE!!” You exited the theater EXTREMELY happy and almost wishing the movie didn’t end because Zombieland 2 was THAT good a movie and you were SO happy that you got to see it with all your friends. You SWORE you heard Todoroki laugh too, so that was something you were never forgetting.

“I KNOW! HA! Not bad for 10 years later!”

“I freaking loved Madison!”

“I did too! She was the funniest one!”

“Oh yeah, she was pretty much the best part of the movie.”

“Hell yeah! She was really sweet too, I liked her! She was tons of fun!”

Naturally, the Bakusquad (plus Hagakure) was as cheerful as ever as they all loved the movie they just saw, and were extremely happy that they took up your offer today, because it was money well spent. Well, Todoroki’s money but still!

He thought so too, he rather liked the sequel and found it amusing, he actually smiled and tried to not laugh at some of the dumber things that Madison girl said during the movie. “I agree, it was… amusing. I see why you go here often (Y/N).” Todoroki made sure to compliment you though, he wasn’t the best with emotions but he knew you had been kinda unhappy lately so he tried to be kinder to you.

“Thanks Shouto! I know right?! It was AWESOME! I’m SO glad I decided to just come over here~. It gets an A+ from me~.”

“One of the rare moments where the sequel is just as good as the first movie, if not better.” Tokoyami even pointed out something you highly agreed with because it was THAT good. “Exactly! You don’t get that with every movie… sequels tend to suck…”

“The new additions were good ones too, sometimes adding new characters is actually what kills the movie. Not for this one.” And Tsuyu gave her input that almost everyone here agreed with, but couldn’t choose a new favorite.

“My favorite is that Madison girl~. She knew how to dress and be the cute one~.” Aoyama had his favorite, but everyone near unanimously agreed that she was the funniest one. “But she knew how to survive too for all those years.” But Yaoyorozu pointed out that despite Madison being a cliché dumb blonde character that she STILL survived the zombie apocalypse by herself.

“An excellent point Momo! She ain’t that stupid…” You giggled a little bit alongside your best guyfriends Shinsou and Izuku. “No she was actually… oddly smart… kinda like you.” But Shinsou poked a bit of fun at you as you laughed and slapped him on his shoulder playfully. “SHUT UP TOSHI! NO… I’m not that thick I’m smart too!” You exclaimed but cheerfully as he tried his hardest to not snicker or grin at you.

“You are smart (Y/N)-chan… coming here to see this movie was smart, I liked it, I liked it a lot! It was actually better than the first one.” Izuku was the sweetheart though as he gave you a bit of a sweeter compliment, much to Shinsou’s slight annoyance.

“Thank you Izuku~.” You sang-songed cheerfully as you beamed at the blushing boy who instantly turned bashful at your smile, much to MORE of Shinsou’s annoyance. Always trying to be the ball of sunshine that guy…

However, all that mattered is that you were ecstatic and everyone else clearly had a good time and loved the hell out of the movie. And you were smiling again, Shinsou hadn’t seen you smile as much as normal so seeing you smile the way you were was very nice.

You were smiling the entire time you went back to the dorms, just laughing with your friends and re-quoting the funnier lines from the movie and discussing some of the funniest parts until all of you had to go your separate ways and return to your rooms. Especially when other classmates came into view, you didn’t wanna spoil it for anyone after all.

“Hehe… well guys I think I’m just gonna stay up a couple of more hours and go to sleep or at least try to.” You said to your friends as they each smiled and nodded before they all said ‘okay!’ ‘sure’ and ‘that’s a good idea, good night to you (Y/N)’ and you made sure to happily return the polite ‘good night’ back to them.

Now it was just you and Izuku and Shinsou, you were still just happily chatting to them, but that’s when Bakugou decided enough was enough. He heard all of the other idiots just laughing and talking about a movie he hadn’t seen it yet and now some of it was fucking spoiled for him but that’s not what mattered right now. What mattered is that he didn’t like the way he left things with you a couple of hours ago, and now he had to talk to you again.

“I’m telling you, I could totally make Zombie kill of the week if we were in the Zombie apocalypse.” You were trying to brag to Izuku and Shinsou who were just chuckling at your enthusiasm.

“That would require some elaborate way of killing them, some people get really creative with that…”

“Oh yeah? You don’t even know how to use some weapons (Y/N)…”

Izuku had more hope in you, Shinsou was just playing with you though and God Bakugou fucking hated it, especially when you laughed with them.

“Oi. Deku, Eyebags, get the fuck out of here.” Before you could reply Bakugou suddenly made his appearance and immediately told the two guys to get out, “Ah! K-Kacchan I uh…” Izuku knew how jealous Bakugou could get though and his first instinct was to try and reassure him that he wasn’t trying anything with you or anything.

“Beat it you damn nerd!” But Bakugou didn’t wanna hear him and a very scared Izuku quickly rushed out with a very frightened ‘Okay!’ as your smile instantly turned into a frown as he forced your friend out, but Shinsou wasn’t budging at least.

“Get lost Eye-bags, I need to talk to (Y/N). ALONE.” He roughly demanded the brainwasher to leave, but Shinsou had his arms crossed and stood where he was.

“I’ll go when I want to.” He shook his head and refused to leave even though Bakugou was only getting madder when Shinsou dared to tell him ‘no’, but you didn’t want there to be a fight so you raised your hand.

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus...

“It’s okay Hitoshi… you don’t wanna be here… me and Katsuki DO have to talk and I’d rather you not be around to see it so… it’s okay…” You gently convinced him to leave you and your ex be for the time being and although reluctant, Shinsou sighed and complied. He knew you knew what you were doing so he got up to go, not before whispering a ‘see ya later’ as he left and he and Bakugou exchanged glares as he walked away.

You didn’t approve of how he just broke you and your friends up from a fun conversation, but you supposed that this had to be done since you and he didn’t really leave on a good note earlier today, or this morning.

No more fighting. You were done with it, you just wanted to stop fighting with him.

Except… it was easier said than done. The two of you stood in the living room for what felt like forever because none of you could find the words to say and it was beyond uncomfortable. “So… did… Kirishima and Kaminari already spoil the movie for you?” You decided to ask a lighthearted question and Bakugou ALMOST snickered.

“Yes… I’m going to kill those morons…” He didn’t really mean it but he knew how much you enjoyed those two movies and he really, just really wanted to see it with you since he loved seeing the first one with you even though back then he pretended like he thought it was stupid. But no, he liked it, and now some of it was spoiled for him. Maybe he’d go see it with you again since he knew you never minded seeing another movie twice.

“Hehe… well… it was good so… if you ever feel like seeing it, I recommend it.” You said gently with a little smile as Bakugou leered at you.

“What I want… is to just say I’m sorry for… being such a fucking asshole to you, for being the worst fucking boyfriend and… everything… I’m... I’m sorry (Y/N)... I’m so fucking sorry everything, I can’t say how sorry I am...” Bakugou shamefully blushed as he apologized to you because he was never good at doing that. Hell, he very rarely said the word ‘sorry’ at all, but lately he’d been using that more and more when it came to you after he realized just how terrible a boyfriend and friend he had been to you.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

You were shocked but also touched that he was doing this for you, you knew how hard it was for him to apologize so you were touched and kind of happy. “Thanks Katsuki… it’s… okay… I think I’ve been mad at you long enough so… it’s okay… we’re okay.” You gave him a smile that actually gave him hope as his eyes slowly widened.

“We are…?” Bakugou asked you somewhat nervously, because he started to see some doubt in your eyes as you sighed, “Yes… we are okay but… not… in the way you think…” His heart was racing, but it wasn’t from excitement because you didn’t look like you were happy.

“Look… Katsuki… I mean you no ill will. I still care about you, and I still love you but… I really, really don’t think you’re a good boyfriend…” You said a little bluntly but made your voice soften as he gasped quietly.

“You’re not a bad person… but you’re not a good boyfriend either… and I don’t really think that I can really return to a relationship like that… sorry…” Sighing heavily you finally did it, you told him that you didn’t want to go back to the relationship but seeing his expression broke your heart.

“I know I wasn’t! But… look just… dammit (Y/N) I’m not going to say any of that shit to you ever again! I won’t fuck up like I did last time I swear!” He sounded desperate, as if he was pleading to you as he moved closer and you fought the tears starting to build in your eyes when he grabbed your hands. He would beg if he had to, he just couldn’t lose you.

“I love you.”

He said calmly and yet sincerely, out of pure impulse but that’s what he truly meant. He loved you and he just wanted to hear you say the words back to him. He knew you did…

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me...

“See that’s just it… I know you love me… I love you too… but… I thought you loving me was enough, at least… until… you said the things you did… now I know you’re sorry... and I don’t doubt that you do love me but… I started hating myself again when you said those things and it made me realize that... I need to love me too, I need to start loving myself… and I didn’t love myself when I was with you. I let you do that for me, and… I can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to you, and not good for me.” You loved him, you truly did love him but at the same time you needed to give yourself time before you could go back into a relationship, especially with him.

Bakugou was an extremely flawed person and although he was honest and you believed every word he said, you didn’t think it was a good time to go back to him.

And he knew it, but it didn’t stop the tears from coming but he stubbornly willed them back as he swallowed hard. He tried so hard and he wasn’t giving up yet, but he knew that you didn’t want to get back together with him. Worse, he made you hate yourself for a moment because of what he said and what he had done to you too, so… maybe you were better off without him. He’d rather you love yourself first because you were the best thing he’d ever had.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah

“Fine then…” He tried to sound bitter, but he was just miserable and he did understand even if he was really hurt right now and knew that this was nobody’s fault but his. “I don’t fucking deserve you anyway… you’re… too good for me…” Bakugou muttered as he forced back all the emotion until he felt you kiss him suddenly on the cheek, making him gasp a bit.

“It’s okay… we all make mistakes. We’re human, that’s what we do. So… don’t beat yourself up.” You said to reassure him although it didn’t make him feel any better as he pulled you into a sudden, tight hug as you closed your tearful eyes and hugged him back, feeling his tears on your shoulder as your arms tightened around him so you and he could savor each other’s warmth just one more time

Neither of you truly wanted to pull away, it was almost too painful but you knew that it was for the best. You had started learning how to love yourself more, and you had to put yourself first more, and he knew that. And Bakugou also knew that he needed to work on himself too, and maybe he’d be a better boyfriend to you someday.

And now the chapter is closed and done To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah..

“Good night Katsuki.” You said quietly to him as you pulled away with misty (E/C) eyes as he glumly looked at you, cupping his cheeks to wipe the tears away from his red eyes.

“Good night (Y/N).” He said as calmly as possible, and refused to cry in front of you (again) as he watched you slowly walk away. The two of you shared a small wave before you turned away, inhaling and exhaling deeply as you walked away for good.

You and Bakugou would at least be friends, and that was good enough for both you and him, even if he did rush over to his room to sob into his bed afterwards now that he had officially lost you.

He loved you, he still loved you...

You loved him too, you still loved him, but you needed to love yourself too. Even if it meant losing him.

And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us...

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