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#he also clearly wants to find a way to apologize and make amends
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I do understand why people are mad at Ben, I really do. He threw Nueng under the bus and added another nail into his coffin of distrust.
But come on, people. He is 17, and did you not see the fucking vitriolic tirade his dad went on? The clear homophobia, that he will have been raised and closeted under? And the school administration was also adding on to how shameful it is for 2 men to kiss, and that this is a flaw and to be looked down upon. I am a much older adult, I am safe, that isn't my dad, and I was clenched into a ball of anxiety and panic watching that scene.
You could see the agony on Ben's face throughout, and the heartbreaking look of appeal at Nueng before he sold him out. It takes no self reflection on his part to admit to Chopper that he was an asshole, he knows it the whole time, but people make really shitty choices when they're scared and cornered.
It wasn't a nice thing to do, but Ben did what he felt he had to do to survive and I will defend him till my last breath
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dragonmuse · 6 months
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Keep It In The Box : An Essay on OFMD Season 2 and the Failure to Heal
(here in is my season two reaction. It contains many many spoilers. It's also about 3k words long so you know what you're getting into.)
“See, I have a system for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen. There's a box in my mind, and I put the things in the box..” -Frenchie, Season 2 of Our Flag Means Death
…..and then he never opens it. Chekov’s locked box has no key in season two.
On first watch, it seemed clear to me that Frenchie’s declaration was a narrative plant. Clearly the whole season would be about that box of pain and trauma being opened, sorted through and at least the beginning of healing. The show had developed a reputation after season one of being kind and focused on queer narratives of healing from childhood. Ed and Stede’s parallels in their childhood traumas were frequently on display through season one and were repeated in flashback throughout season two. Jim’s season one arc about becoming someone who doesn’t think just of revenge and can now forge meaningful connections was profound, beautiful and often funny. Izzy is an antagonist because he doesn’t want Ed to move on or stop acting like the trauma-response version of himself. The antagonist wants to stop healing. The point is to grow, to change, to learn how to love. It’s one of the things that made season one work for me at the time, despite reservations about pacing and tone.
So naturally season two should follow suit. It’s a kind show! About healing and falling in love!
For the first several episodes, the remaining crew on the Revenge go through a gauntlet of trauma, forced to do and receive violence at Ed’s whims as he careens from self-destructive behavior to self-destructive behavior. This is the wounding setup. It was dark, but it seemed like it would have a payoff and at first it did.
Perhaps one of the most beautiful moments of the season comes in one of the small respites in those early episodes as Jim recounts Pinnochio to Fang to soothe him through his grief. That was the show that I expected. The kindness of that moment struck me very deeply. It gave me some understanding of Archie too, who seems to fall for Jim right at that moment.
That scene is the show season one promised. Season two led with packing Frenchie’s box full to bursting. Here is the fight to the death between lovers, there is a first mate who is mutilated and rotting in the very walls (the rot of the Revenge itself), and there is the storm of Ed’s rage and pain that threatens to consume all of them.
So surely these remaining episodes would concentrate on finding the humor in healing from those moments. That is the setup. Frenchie has a box. The box must eventually open.
Except time and again, all the characters who suffered are told that the only way to deal with what they’ve been through is to stick it in the box and never open it again.
Pete tells Lucius that he’s unable to move on and needs to let it go. Izzy has a story about a shark. Ed’s apology to the crew which doesn’t even contain the words ‘I’m sorry’ is just…accepted. I kept waiting and waiting for a meaningful apology to the people Ed had hurt the worst with his actions, but it seems all we get is Fang saying ‘eh, no problem, I got to hit you back so I feel better’.
The playful theme of ‘pirates are just violent sometimes’ from season one becomes a grinding horror machine in season two when every atrocity visited on someone is forgiven because the narrative needs it to be. Ed and Stede spend more time making amends with each other over the bloodless night on the beach than either of them spend trying to repent for their actions towards anyone else.
And let’s talk about Ed. Arguably this season pivots on his narrative, on his path to healing and growth. A path that starts at a very low point. His moment in the gravy basket, deciding he wants to live because there are still things to live for is so great! So one might assume that what would follow would be him pursuing those things, making amends, making connections. He and Stede have a wonderful moment, talking about being whim prone and how they’ll work to avoid that, build a relationship by going slower.
Yet, at no point do either of them stop following whims. They never heal or learn from what’s happened to them. They both keep running from thing to thing, particularly Ed. It’s a whim to sleep with Stede, it’s a whim to run off to fish, and the finale gives us just more of their whims. Ed drops fishing as fast as he picked it up. He finds those leathers in the ocean, murdering the symbolism of leaving them behind. Even the inn is a whim, one of those things Ed decided he’d be good at without evidence. And Stede joins him in that without a single on screen conversation about it ahead of the moment.
Ed needs to heal himself and to do that he needs to confront what he’s done and do the work to heal the wound. Instead, he doesn’t meaningfully apologize to anyone, besides Stede and Fang. Despite Izzy’s dying words (we’ll get to that), not only do we never see the crew caring about Ed, working to make him family in the same way they do with Fang and even Izzy, he also doesn’t choose to stay with them. So what is the point? Where is the healing? Or does even Ed, beloved main character, have to live with it all stuffed in a box?
He ends the season in the leathers he threw away, in a relationship that’s barely stabilized, going to live in a house which we are told by the narrative (in that they are very very clearly paralleling Anne and Mary with Ed and Stede or why do we even get that whole Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? episode) will only end in them setting fire to each other to stay warm.
But Vee, I hear you cry, it’s a ROM-COM. This is all meant to be ha-ha funny and you are taking it so seriously!
Cool beans. Then why the hell isn’t it funny? Healing is often filled with comedy because people deal with pain with humor. You can heal and laugh at the same time. The finale especially is almost entirely devoid of laughs, almost entirely devoid of joy until the last minute for that matter. The episode that should show off with a flourish how far everyone’s come, mostly serves to show that no one has grown.
Okay that’s Ed. I want to talk about Lucius next. Our former audience surrogate (that’s taken away in season two when he doesn’t get enough screen time to perform that role and no one takes his place) really goes through the wringer. He experiences many many terrible things, including sexual assault (which is made into a grimace-laugh line that doesn’t take away from it’s seriousness because oh hey, that can be done as it turns out). He’s nervous, he’s smoking, it’s clear he’s suffering.
There’s a beautiful moment where Pete tells him ‘hey, I was also in pain. I grieved’ and that’s great. It’s good that Pete sets a boundary about Lucius not obsessing over the past to the point of occluding their future.
We even get our comedic moment where Lucius pushes Ed off the boat (still not apology, but I’d lost hope for that by then) and that doesn’t help enough. So Izzy comes in with a shark and the advice that you just have to move on.
Just…you know. Play pretend. Forget.
Shove it in a box. Ed didn’t take my leg, a shark did. Ed didn’t kill you, a shark did. Live with the person that tried to murder you because it’s your fault you dangled your leg over the side of a boat. That is the show’s message. I thought on first watch, that surely this would also come back up and be explained that you can’t live that way, that that is no way to heal. That it would become clear that this was no way through. You cannot make everything into sharks.
Lucius can move forward and still carry pain. He can still want a meaningful apology and still want to talk to his lover about what he’s dealing with while moving forward toward a brighter future.
And what of the flirtatious promise of relationships and connections being the way to heal? Look to Oluwande and Jim, whose heartfelt romance from season one was relegated to the bins of history in favor of a narrative that made him a brother Jim once had sex with. They could have had Archie AND Oluwande, who in turn could also have Zheng, but that never seems to be an option. With a single short conversation, they are broken up with, despite a brief tease at the birthday that they still ‘dance’ together, it never actually manifests. Jim and Archie never talk about what they went through. It’s swept under the rug as fast as knives are lowered.
Lucius also no longer flirts with other people, the solution to his pain is to propose and get married (but not too married, lest we forget that they’re two men, they don’t even get to be husbands or even the more respectful mates, no. They’re mateys.) This season proposes that the only happy endings are monogamous ones, where no one talks about anything painful that went before.
To ensure that message, beyond assuring the success of Oluwande and Zheng’s relationship, Jim and Archie almost entirely disappear from the narrative. Sorry you guys were given layers of trauma and no growth and not even much to do this season, we need to make sure that everyone remembers Oluwande is the break in Zheng’s day so when he says that to her five minutes later we know exactly what he’s referencing. No time for Archie to learn what an apology is or for Jim to get one line in with Oluwande that isn’t affirming their newfound broship. Must do more flashbacks to things we just did two episodes ago!
The show even dangles the conversation of the Revenge being a safe space. Why would any of them ever feel safe when the man who tortured them is allowed to walk among them and they are expected to forgive and forget? What’s safe about that? The ship is never made safe for any of them, but that’s never addressed.
And Zheng! Amazing, hysterically funny Zheng! She loses her ships, her entire way of life, the kingdom she built for herself and then…she doesn’t even get to captain the Revenge. We don’t know what becomes of her fleet, of her plans, her ambitions. Don’t worry about it, she has a romantic partner and isn’t that what every lady wants in the end?
(But Vee, I hear you cry again, there will be a season three! Maybe it will be All About Zheng! To which I say: then why did they present us with the most series finale feeling episode ever? If there’s more, I have no idea where it’s going. BUT VEE: BUTTONS AS SEAGULL ON THE GR- Fine. It’s time.)
Let’s talk about Izzy Hands.
Izzy manages more healing than anyone else this season. He reaches his lowest point, suicidal in the bowels of a ship that’s become a prison (very much in contrast to Ed’s suicidal low). The person he loves most in the world has shredded him physically and emotionally (and if you’re in the camp that thinks Izzy deserves the abuse that Ed gave to him, I would really like you to sit quietly with yourself and ask why you think there is ever anything anyone can do to deserve that treatment). He’s low, he shoots Ed to protect everyone, and then seems to plan to drink himself to death, mourning his losses.
And then another beautiful moment! The crew move past their own pain to help him. They work together for the first time and it’s to give Izzy mobility back. He treasures it. He cries over it. He uses that kindness extended to him to reach a new understanding of Stede and help him succeed, doing the work to make real amends. He sings in drag, he’s vulnerable and beautiful, celebrating the side of himself that he must’ve loathed in the first season. He’s an elder queer man, coming into himself.
He never gets an apology though. (‘Sorry about your leg’ without eye contact is not an apology. There is no responsibility taking, no acknowledgement of the weeks of torture that came with it.) Izzy also never really has an honest conversation with anyone about what it means that the man he loves punished him so severely for the crime of trying to protect the crew (yes, lest we forget, Izzy lost his leg because he was trying to keep Ed from re-traumatizing the crew and himself).
Izzy does all this work, but even he’s not allowed to take it out of the box. It’s a shark, not Ed. Ed is just ‘complicated’ (the language of abuse here is so upsetting and I think not even intentional).
And then he dies. His last act? To apologize to the man who tortured him and shot at him. To have done all this work, to take on all the blame. And then die.
In a rom com.
This show ends in a profoundly unfunny moment of telling the audience: this is the one character that did the work, that made amends, that tried his hardest to accept the parts of himself that he had a hard time embracing and formerly embittered him. He’s fully accepted his queerness and turned it into beautiful music. He’s disabled, and he worked hard to accept that. The man he loves will never love him back, so he worked hard to make Stede able to meet Ed on an even playing field. The Giving Tree gave up its limbs and its trunk, and it’s not even allowed to be a stump to sit on.
Kill the queer elder, who has managed to figure out how to live and in his own way how to heal. Kill him before he manages to teach anyone else how to meaningfully move forward (he almost gets it with Lucius, almost, but it’s meant to be rule of three, you know. Cigarette..shark…and then…and then fuck it, Lucius doesn’t even get to say a word at his funeral).
The message of this season again and again is that there is no healing, just moving forward. Like a shark. Like a bird that never lands.
That is not a kind show.
Season two is not a kind season.
It splinters people up and jams them back together without purpose or reason. It tells everyone who experiences pain that they should shove it in a box and not deal with it. No one who really needs one gets an apology of any sincerity. No one puts in the work to gain forgiveness. (Ed wearing a onesie is not The Work. Ed fixing a door is not The Work. Ed broke people that the show wants us to care about. Ed never does the work of making those amends. He fires off a Notes app apology at best. After all, it’s what he told himself via Hornigold in the gravy basket: you move on or you blow your brains out! Good thing he took his own advice and therefore had to change nothing to get his just rewards.
I would’ve taken just fifteen minutes of Ed trying to actually make amends. It could’ve been hilarious! Imagine awkward Ed trying to dance around what he’s doing with Jim and the two of them having a knife throwing competition about it. Or him and Frenchie attempting to make music together, writing a song about the raids they went on! It’s not just the crew robbed of their healing because of this, it’s Ed himself. He never meaningfully changes or makes amends. How is he any different at the end of the finale then he is standing on the edge of that cliff with Hornigold? He hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t healed. He tried one thing (fishing) that doesn’t fucking work and then he runs right back.
No one leaves this season better than they went into it. They’ve lost an elder queer, they’ve lost their joyous and queer polyamory, they’ve lost a chance for meaningful reconciliation with Ed and Ed lost any chance of looking like he gave shit if they did. Stede grows enough to accept the crew’s beliefs as important and then leaves them behind without a care.
Izzy gets a beautiful speech about piracy being larger than yourself. Ed and Stede, within twenty minutes of that speech, leave piracy. They are incapable of giving themselves to something bigger, apparently. They haven’t learned to be a part of a community. They haven’t healed from their childhood trauma or their fresher wounds. They are still just following their own whims.
Zheng’s life work is in tatters, but it’s fine, she has love. Oluwande and Jim aren’t together, but it's fine because they both have dedicated monogamous partners. Lucius was deeply scarred by what happened, never recovers much of his first season personality, but hey he got-well it’s not married exactly- but you know good enough!
Frenchie, who has a box forever locked in his head, is captain. Because the key to success is to lock it all in a box and never open it. What a message. What a show. Conceal, don’t feel. Smile because it’s a happy ending. Don’t mourn the dead, don’t try to tell people what happened to you (they will literally run away or cry too hard to listen and really you’re just bumming them out), and any meaningful change you make is only rewarded with death.
Frenchie is now a pirate captain with a box in his head full of trauma that’s never been opened, leading a crew with more wounds than scars. Wonder how that could turn out? Wonder how many years before he might want to retire and then happen to run across a gentleman pirate. As if no one learned anything at all.
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princessamericachavez · 11 months
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My thoughts about the Ted Lasso finale (no particular order)
The end montage was obviously Ted’s dream for the future and not even subtly so jot that down
Actually just gonna add that this is the show’s way of telling us the potential these characters have and what Ted wishes for them but without his presence it’s up to them now
Roy mouthing alone to Goodbye, Farewell broke me because he’s clearly the one who put together the choreography
Also Dani singing? My most beloved
Jaime and Roy clashing one last time might have pissed some people off but this was always a rock in their shoe that they needed to address and we see that their relationship can and will survive it
I like Rebecca’s romcom ending even if I wanted her to end with Ted.
Ted going back to his son was necessary and the whole point. He always blamed his father for abandoning them. When he came to Richmond he was all but running away from his family in hopes things would magically fix themselves. Instead, he put in the work and healed. But his biggest triggers were always connected to him missing his son’s life. In the end, Ted’s growth was the point so he could go back to them and be the best version of himself for them and for himself.
Ted not talking while Rebecca rambles was actually perfect. Old bitter Rebecca would’ve never opened up like that. But old Ted would’ve also rushed to reassure her or try to make a joke or cheer her up. This time, Ted lets her speak and then sticks to his guns, even if the truth is uncomfortable for others. He allows himself to do this for himself and not to please others.
Beard staying for Jane was foreseeable given the toxic codependent nature of their relationship. Happy perfect endings don’t exist. His story is still developing.
Furthermore, the real growth came from Beard letting himself choose something regardless of what Ted is doing and breaking himself free from a cycle of guilt and feeling in debt.
I know it was in the dream but god I hope Roy gets therapy. We did see the roots of him wanting to change and be better and accept the help he needs so he’s in the right path.
Keeley/Roy/Jamie is still endgame in my heart. Eventually. Once all three are in the right place.
The himbos singing made me cry. A lot.
Even if it was in the dream, if Jamie actually chose to reconnect to his dad somehow I think it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would get to do it on his terms and only because he chose to have him in his life to some degree. Which might simply be being civil and talking from time to time, so long as his father keeps putting in the work to better himself and takes steps to make amends and apologize and acknowledge all his wrongs. Who knows. It’s an open ending.
Loved everything about the match.
Glad Van Damme got closure from Rani Dojas and that Dani acknowledged his part in what happened and tried to make amends.
CANT believe they made me feel sorry for George.
The cold open was a tease but I loved to see what could’ve been (and who says Ted and Rebecca didn’t find each other while running away from all that noise and one thing less t another…)
I wish we’d seen Sam’s restaurant and his cute chef one last time.
Actually wish we’d had a little bit of all the other himbos.
And finally
Finally
I… don’t think it was the series’s finale. I don’t know. I might be wrong but lately all interviews from the cast suggest deep down they hope something else will come and maybe they’ll be like “you know what, this story isn’t over” or something.
That last scene and the musical cue with Ted’s final shot felt so dissonant to me. Like there’s something still unfinished there.
I, like Roy Kent, have all my fingers crossed.
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angelsdean · 2 months
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MAX When my Dad used to look at me, there was hate in his eyes. Do you know what that feels like? SAM No.
mmm i just think it's so so very interesting that sam sincerely says no here. that he cannot relate to this experience. which could be interpreted two ways. either, despite everything, despite all the arguments with john and constant clashing sam still felt loved by john (azazel does taunt dean in 1x22 by saying sam was clearly john's favorite, which yes, demon manipulation tactic, but it is interesting that he specifically cites when john and sam would fight to dean, "it’s more concern than he’s ever shown you" etc etc). OR the other interpretation of sam's response to max is that sam is already engaging in some samcoded revisionism. in 1x08 Bugs sam already expressed desire to make amends with john. he gained some new info he didn't know before, which changed his POV on his relationship with john. john DID care, john WAS proud of sam for getting into stanford. sam is the first one to say the phrase john "did the best he could." he says he wants to find john and apologize for everything. sam also understands john's POV better now too, being in his shoes. he can understand john's grief over mary, losing jess in the same way and becoming consumed by the need to find the thing that did this and get revenge. so it's easier for him now to see john in a more forgiving light.
and by the end of 1x14 he's also expressing how "lucky" they were that john wasn't more like max's dad. and then there's dean's quiet reaction, the way his face tells a different story. the subtle expression that sam completely misses. and either sam just didn't know (likely, because there's so much dean sheltered sam from) and / or sam is revising history. and if we take future episodes into account then we Know he IS doing at least some revisionism bc young sam said "you don't want to see my dad when he's drunk" implying john could be a mean drunk just like max's dad. he might not have seen john ever "discipline" dean (like after flagstaff) or experience that himself either but he knows john wasn't someone you want to be around when he's been drinking. sam might not know the extent of john's "drunken rages" to quote toni bevell, but he's at least aware that john could be a mean drunk too. so it's just all very interesting to me that sam chooses to not identify with max in this way, despite over-identifying with him in many other ways.
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shima-draws · 7 months
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Kieran really does have great characterization so far which is why I really want part 2 of the DLC to really nail the ending! I am sooooooo eager to see how they handle Kieran and Carmine as well as Kieran’s relationship with the two of them in the next part! Also I really hope the game has the three of the them properly make amends with each other for the falling out. My biggest fear is that they’ll put everything on Kieran to fix/not have Carmine (and to a somewhat lesser extent the player) properly apologize for the mishandling of the Ogerpon situation.
YEAH SAME;;
And tbf Carmine did already apologize to Kieran for keeping him in the dark about Ogerpon, she clearly regretted not telling him anything especially bc of how he reacted to it. What I want to see from her is a genuine apology for being a bad sister. Bc she treated Kieran quite poorly at the beginning of the DLC and we can assume she's been treating him that way for a LONG time. Kieran clearly has a lot of self esteem issues and general problems with speaking up for himself, which is possibly a result of years of verbal abuse. I'm not saying Carmine is doing it on purpose; she probably doesn't even realize that her words have such a negative effect on her brother, and she doesn't know that what he's going through is way more than just "teenage angst" as she put it lol. But I think she's starting to find out that maybe she's going about things the wrong way. Especially because Kieran's begun to act out and is more aggressive with his words and actions around her and the player. I really really hope she comes to terms with the fact that yeah, she hasn't really been a good sibling, that maybe Kieran feels like he's been in her shadow this entire time and the way she handled things during the Ogerpon incident made things worse between them. And that she actually feels sorry and wants to make things better 😭
Now, as for whether or not Kieran will ACCEPT that apology from her. We'll have to see :")
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messymindofmine · 2 years
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So now that I've had time to think about it, I actually don't think the problem with this season wrt what's happened with Robby is a result of bad writing so much as it is bad framing. Don't get me wrong, there are issues with the writing as well in general (one particular thing comes to mind most of all) but as far as characterizations go, it's all pretty consistent to how its always been. That's what makes it worse. Robby's character as well as that of others lines up pretty well with how it's always been. Robby's doing what he has always done this season. He's adapting to his environment by becoming whatever he needs to in order to survive. He realizes that his place in Johnny's life is even more precarious now and so immediately puts on a happy face and becomes the son that Johnny wants him to be in order to survive an environment he clearly doesn't feel safe in. We can see as much the second he hears *that* news and then again in that scene with Carmen with the way he speaks to her and then gives her that lingering look. Then again when it comes to the apology tour that he does where he is apologizing to everyone yet nobody apologizes to him. Robby has always been the sort to take on blame that he doesn't deserve and we see this in his scene with Daniel where he interrupts Daniel as he's talking about juvie and takes the blame on himself. We see this immediately after with Sam as well. Robby mentions in that scene with Daniel that he heard from Johnny and Sam what happened. Since we don't see this happen, I would imagine that he heard from Johnny and then Sam told him everything when he went to see Daniel. It makes sense that Robby would want to reach out to Daniel bc that is who he is anyway. But given what we've seen of this season as well as everything we've seen before, it's safe to assume that Sam didn't apologize to him either. This isn't me hating on Sam btw, her arc this season was actually one of the very few things that I liked but if we go back to her behavior towards Robby in s3 and 4, the truth is she never apologized for anything and never really considered his feelings just like everybody else. The difference is that this time Robby doesn't turn her down and stays with Miyagi-Do. He is clearly happy to be there. That doesn't change the fact that he had to stamp down on his trauma and his feelings in order to do so. He even tried to make amends with Hawk despite Hawk literally calling him a piece of shit. If I see one more person talk about how funny the way Hawk spoke to Robby is, I will scream. Robby apologizes to Hawk but Hawk never bothers to apologize to him. No, he in fact gets offended when Robby calls out his behavior. Of course then Demetri interrupts and tells them to just forget about it. Demetri who Robby was actually a better friend to than Hawk was in the entirety of s2. Demetri who also turned his back on Robby just like everyone else.
Then of course there's Miguel and Johnny. Now that Johnny has well and truly carved himself a place with the Diazs and Robby knows for sure that Johnny values them above Robby (he told Carmen he didn't want her in danger while having no problem lying to Robby to put him in an extremely difficult situation), he knows that he has to fit in to whatever mold Johnny wants in order to stay a part of Johnny's life. It's obvious from the moment he finds out *that* news that he's faking every smile around them. People say that the scenes with Robby, Hawk and Miguel felt exaggerated. That's bc they are. It's Robby trying to make himself as much like them as he can bc he realizes that even his place at Miyagi-Do (what was once his safe space) is now contingent upon acceptance from Hawk and Miguel. If you look, his style and the way he conducts himself change to be as much like Miguel as he possibly can bc he knows that this is how they all want him to be.
So no, it's not bad writing at all. In fact it's good writing bc Robby's body language and every facial expression that he has are very deliberate. It drives home just how unsafe he feels in this new situation that he's in. The issue is that while the writing makes it obvious that this is a very toxic situation overall, the framing makes it seem as if it's all acceptable. As if Robby feeling so unsafe that he has to yet again change himself in order to survive and the people around him (every single one of them) either not doing anything about it or making him feel even worse is all perfectly acceptable. I'll be writing more of my thoughts later on (God knows I have more than I can even handle) but for now I just wanted to say all this
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leggerefiore · 2 years
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Hello, fi! Thanks for all the great submas food, I love your characterization of these muppet boys so much 😔 since they're open, I have a request! If the twins argue with their s/o (which I'm sure is a rarity), how do they make up if they were at fault? If their s/o was the one at fault, how would each twin prefer to be apologized to?
can't believe s/o dared argue over the train facts... fool...
▲Ingo▼
● The argument is likely going to about how busy he is and missing some important event, or him getting upset over something after not getting a reasonable amount of sleep.
● If he's at fault, he feels awful after the realization. What kind of boyfriend is he taking unrelated frustrations out on you? That's completely unlike him, and he's ashamed of himself. He'll come to you as soon as he can.
● Ingo does bring a gift as a peace offering, it's likely going to be something he knows you'll like or need. He sees you, likely still fuming about the entire event and feels even worse. Should you still be mad with him afterwards, he understands. He will give you space until you feel it appropriate to forgive him. When you do, he'll just hold you close to him and murmur more apologies.
● If you were at fault, he honestly forgives you when he calms down. Yes, he would like you to apologize and would give you time to do so, but if you don't, he's already put it behind him. He would like to discuss calmly what you had fought over now if it was actually important. You're adults, disagreements are an inevitability. The least you both of you can do is talk about it reasonably.
● The best way to apologize to him is with something he can find practical use out of, or food. It shows you thought of him, he thinks. Also, he wants to cuddle after you both calm down. You both experienced an emotional high, so he's glad to just relax for a moment with you.
▽Emmet△
○ Arguments with him start randomly and unexpectedly (usually when work is causing him more stress than usual.) He'll unintentionally snap at you and then the fight starts.
○ If Emmet's at fault, after he calms down, he probably starts crying at the sudden emotions. Why did he act like that? He feels deeply ashamed and wants nothing more than to hold you. After he calms down again, he goes to apologize.
○ He likely gets you candy of some sort before going to make amends. If you're still clearly upset from the fight, he gives you the sweets and waits for you to fully calm down. Then he apologizes and tells you how much he loves you. If you'll let him, he'll hold you tightly to him and bury his face into your neck. Should you still be mad, he's more upset with himself. Why had he acted so impulsively? He leaves you alone while he goes to cry again.
○ If you were at fault; however, he fumes for much longer. Give him some alone time, and he'll eventually calm down and want to discuss things. Why did you both get angry? Wants to dig into that to help prevent things like this in the future. Is very patient in waiting for an apology, you can take your time, he doesn't mind.
○ Buy him a dessert, and he'll forgive you instantly, no spoken apology needed. (Probably wouldn't hurt still.) He's glad you actively got him something to help alleviate the situation. Will smother you once it's been resolved, he's gone too long without your touch. Let him love on you and return his affections tenfold.
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Hello!! c: could you write about childe, diluc and zhongli where they have a date with the reader (since they haven't gone out with their sweetheart in a while), so the reader is very excited and wears their best clothes but after waiting a long time the character does not appear? and then the reader go home feeling so sad :( I wish there was an attempt at comfort at the end, but I don't want to limit your creativity, so you can make the ending whatever you want, however you want :) i love your blog sm!!!
Ohh, this is a great request, thank you for sharing it with me! I hope you like what I came up with. And thank you so much for your sweet compliment, too. :) Have a good day/night and take care! <3
Characters: Tartaglia, Diluc, Zhongli
Warnings: one mention of Tartaglia's real name
Them being late for date night (gn!reader)
Tartaglia/Childe
It’s nothing unusual that he gets caught up in work and spends more time on missions than with you. It’s nothing he enjoys; in fact, he hates being away from you but since there’s not much he can do about it, he just tries his best to make it up to you whenever you can spend some time together.
This particular date night was actually his idea to celebrate your anniversary, and he’s just as excited as you are, especially since he barely got to see you recently. With that being said, he never planned on standing you up on a special occasion like that but when he gets assigned to another mission at a minute’s notice, he literally has no other choice than to go. Things are so hectic that he doesn’t even think about informing you and although he really means no harm, he completely forgets that you have a date in that moment.
He only realizes that he stood you up when he returns back home and finds you sitting on the sofa, still dressed In really pretty clothes and all spruced up. For a few seconds, he just stands there and stares at you as he realizes that he really messed up this time. At first, he doesn’t even know what to say because he’s well aware that a simple apology isn’t enough to make up for the whole situation. It’s obvious that he feels extremely bad about not showing up, especially since it was such a special occasion. He wants nothing more than to pull you into a tight hug, although he’s not particularly sure if he’s the right person to comfort you right now.
When he finally breaks out of his state of shock, he rushes to your side, carefully taking your hands in his and looking at you with pleading eyes. In that moment, he’s not Tartaglia, the ruthless, brave Fatui Harbinger. He’s just Ajax, an ordinary young man who knows that he messed up and deeply hurt one of the few persons he truly cares about. It pains him to see you so sad and upset and that he’s the cause for that makes it even worse for him.
Although he knows that an apology is definitely not enough to make it up to you, he can’t stop telling you how incredibly sorry he is. He promises to do everything to make amends for the ruined date night, reassuring you that he’s going to make sure that nothing will stop him from showing up the next time.
Diluc
With Diluc, you’re probably already used to spending most evenings alone. There are a lot of things he needs to take care of, from managing the winery and everything regarding the business through to protecting Mondstadt from the Abyss Order and other threats at night. He knows that it puts a strain on your relationship and feels quite guilty about it but he still can’t allow himself to neglect his duties.
With that being said, he actually tries to invite you to a date night at least once a month to make up for his constant absence. He knows that it’s only a drop in the bucket but it’s better than nothing, and he cherishes every second he gets to spend with you, especially since you never fail to make him stop worrying about the Abyss Order and their next steps. Those are rare moments of peace which he only experiences when he’s with you.
Diluc definitely hates himself for standing you up, not only because he knows that you’ll be incredibly hurt but also he really looked forward to your date too. However, when he learns that there have been a few sightings of Abyss Mages near his manor, he can’t ignore that. It’s a matter of your safety; he doesn’t want them anywhere near you or his property, so he simply has to take care of that before meeting up with you. He’s sure that you’ll understand his reasons when he gets the chance to explain them to you.
Once he gets back home and finds you curled up in bed, your fancy clothes piled up on a chair, he suddenly realizes that there’s absolutely no excuse for skipping out on you like that, especially not without any message. Diluc feels awful because he didn’t even think about informing you about his delay and instead chose to act like the biggest douche of the universe. He knows that he deserves feelings horrible about the whole situation but that doesn’t make it easier to see you lying in bed, looking like a picture of misery.
Eventually, he sits down on the edge of the bed, unsure whether he should try to comfort you or if you’d prefer being alone right now. It’s evident that you really don’t want to hear his excuses right now, so he saves the explanations for later, but other than that, he doesn’t know what to do, except for apologizing for treating you like that.
Zhongli
Zhongli is someone who never forgets a date with you and even if it happens that he can’t be there in time he always makes sure to notify you about the delay. He’s really considerate when it comes to things like that, mostly because it’s common courtesy but also because he doesn’t want to keep you waiting without any message from him.
That’s what makes it even worse for you when he doesn’t show up to your date. There’s no message, no note to apologize for being late. Since that’s not how he usually acts it’s not a surprise that you start to worry about him and his safety pretty quickly (something he didn’t even think about), although you know there could be a million different explanations for his delay. With that in mind, you just sit there and wait for him (or at least a message from him) but when it’s getting later and later you eventually decide to go back home because the evening is already ruined and wouldn’t get better anymore, even if Zhongli did show up in the next minutes.
You don’t ask him what happened when you meet at home a few hours later. In fact, you don’t talk to him at all because you’re understandably upset about the whole situation and don’t care about his apologies or justifications in that moment. It’s obvious that he feels awfully guilty about the way the evening turned out and he probably has a good reason for standing you up but right now, you just don’t want to hear any of this.
Zhongli respects that you don’t want to talk to him and saves the apologies for later because he’d never force you to listen to him when you clearly aren’t interested in any kind of conversation. It hurts to see you like this and he has a guilty conscience about everything, especially since it’s been a while since you last found the time to go out together. He knows that he’s the only one to blame here, so he totally understands why you’re so upset and angry.
He doesn’t have to tell you that he’ll do everything to make it up to you because you know it – he always does that when he messes up. You love that about him but on this evening, it just isn’t enough to make you feel less disappointed.
Taglist: @blissmal
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cupcakesandtv · 3 years
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i would like you to expand on the idea that Paxton loves Devi, please?
The thing is that Paxton loves Devi.
I just don’t see any other reasonable explanation for his behavior over the two seasons. Even when I disagree with the writing, I still think the case can be made that he’s in love with Devi. Paxton has been around. We know now that Devi is his first real girlfriend, he said as much when he told her she’s going to do his homework. “I thought we were-” (We’ll come back to this later too) He thinks “labels are cheesy” or whatever. We know Devi is his first real girlfriend/ boyfriend interaction.
There’s no shame in that, but he has been around. He’s hooked up with lots of people and he thinks dates should involve friends and video games which is wild but clearly, this has worked for him.
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When Devi asked him to have sex with her no strings attached in 1x01, he agrees and then in 1x02 he’s ready to go through with it, but by the end of 1x02 it’s clear he understands Devi likes him and if they have sex, there will be strings on her part, so he sets the boundary that they aren’t going to have sex. But we all know by the look back, he’s intrigued. He’s trying to figure her out. 
Their friendship grows, but then he finds out she’s lying about them having sex and he’s hurt. He thought they were friends. He trusted Devi but she was using him for clout. She apologizes and makes amends and Paxton starts to see her as somebody he actually likes. He also didn’t correct anyone who asks about him having sex with Devi which seems in direct opposition to him in s2 saying he’s embarrassed of her, but whatever. He goes to Ben Gross’ party because of Devi. He wants to go because she’ll be there. She invites him, he’s down to go. Devi at this point is back to thinking she has a chance and she’s not reading that signal wrong. She does have a chance, Paxton rescues her, they have a smokin hot kiss where I think it was sealed for Paxton that Devi is different from the other people he’s hooked up with and he LIKES THAT SHE’S DIFFERENT. He likes her. All her weird and awkward and he genuinely is concerned about her and her feelings and everything that happened to her. He’s invested.
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That kiss was technically pretty tame, but the build up, the way they both acted, before and after, Paxton converted to the Church of Devi. (literally quoting my own fic but lmao it’s the vibe!!!!! “If you kiss me again, I’m gonna have to admit that I don’t like kissing anybody else.”) He did not expect the kiss to go like that and he was pleasantly surprised. Instead of seeing her Monday, this dummy took her dress that he’d definitely laundered to her house the next day to see her. OF COURSE her mom rips him to shreds for the second time despite him only ever being kind and polite to her. (he gives good parent) So he blows Devi off for a while. Nalini hit at his biggest insecurity, his intelligence. I think she likely didn’t do very well with the comment about knocking Devi up either because Paxton is generally Mr. Responsible so I feel like that definitely hit him in a point of pride, he’s having sex but he’s not stupid, he’s safe. He tries to rebut with “we only kissed” not knowing that was just as bad to Nalini. Paxton got roasted by an adult that he will have to spend more time with if he decides to keep seeing Devi so he blows her off. His sister calls out his douchery but she gets that Devi is different to Paxton too, I think that’s why she called him out like that. He told Becca they kissed (another point for Paxton really thinking that kiss was top shelf, new bar to meet, the gold standard. God is a woman, her name is Devi Vishwakumar) So he apologizes. He braves Nalini’s wrath and spends his whole afternoon/evening waiting for Devi to get back from Malibu so he can make good and ask her out. Because now he’s solid. He likes her. She’s different. He’s opening himself up to what could be with Devi. But the date is bad because he doesn’t know what a real date is and when she tells him she’s going to India, he’s like whoa I’m all in, this is happening, “gotta make it count.” However the show wants to backtrack, Paxton was clearly into Devi. He was dating her. He wasn’t embarrassed of her. And even if labels are cheesy or whatever, by the time he finds out what she’s done, he’s deeply hurt.
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This is a big turning point. He opened himself up, he knew she was different and instead of doing the regular hookup, hang out, bail, he was with Devi. 
She hurts him. He is hurt because this was his moment knowing she’s different and he acted differently, but he got played. And to boot, he breaks his arm, meaning she’s spun his whole life out of control by putting his swim scholarship chances at risk. His whole future is at risk now.
It’s reasonable for him to want nothing to do with her. He’s hurt for a while over it. His friends mock him. His future is in limbo. Paxton is upset and done with Devi. Different or not, she’s not worth it. No matter how much he liked her. No matter how vulnerable he was. 
Paxton takes his homework to Devi and lets out a little of that anger at her, he slips and says “i thought we were-” but it doesn’t matter. He’s not going to let her in anymore. He’s not going to show her how deep he was to begin with because clearly she and people around her (her mom) are adept at hitting him where it hurts so he’s using her for his grades and he doesn’t give a shit. Except very quickly he does give a shit. He feels bad. She’s doing her best to make amends and he feels like a jerk and Becca reminds him again, he’s taking the easy way out. Nobody deserves to be treated how he’s treating Devi and the thing is, he knew that. He already knew it as he was doing it. It didn’t make him feel better to treat her like shit. (We can compare this to Ben enjoying tormenting her but that’s a different discussion.)
Paxton turns the corner. He’s going to learn this stuff. He’s going to ask Devi to actually help him. She’s running herself ragged trying to do it for him and he can’t let her do that. It’s messed up and if his mom knew, she’d be horrified not because he’s cheating, but because she’s more concerned about kindness and he’s being far from kind. 
OKAY SO NOW almost immediately, once he’s asked Devi to actually help him, he shifts entirely easily and quickly into friend mode. He loves hanging out with Devi. He’s reminded that he loves hanging out with her even if she’s weird or awkward or says whatever pops into her head. He enjoys spending time with her. She’s fun and oh no when he’s close to her she’s cute and he’s reminded he was all in and when she’s smiling at him he can forget that she cheated on him. He likes her that much. He even floats the idea. “Isn’t that weird because we used to hook up?” They have that sweet heart eyes exchange but Devi pulls back and this puts Paxton on the end of “I gave my best smolder and she rejected it. We’re just friends.”
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So he doesn’t move forward. Even more, the next time a moment like that hangs, he tries the opposite float “we don’t make sense” and she agrees. 
She’s upset about it but I think from his POV, she’s agreeing and he’s remembering that she hurt him BAD. She hurt him bad and her mom hates him and thinks he’s an idiot and his friends still fuck with him about getting played and they’re debating his place in the group. Who cares if Devi is pretty and he never kissed anybody like her, all these things add up to being friends and not putting himself out there for her to hurt him again. But unlike in S1, Devi takes the information, takes the friend boundary and respects it. She’s not reading between the lines anymore because she’s busy with Aneesa and thinking she wants Ben because it seems like he wants Aneesa. (WHAT I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR PAXTON TO DROP SOME LINE LIKE “she’s not devi 2.0, there’s only you, Aneesa’s her own thing and you’re not interchangeable, even if Ben thinks so.”) So Paxton is struggling because up to this point the thing that actually kept him academically interested was Devi. He was doing his own work but he got to hang out with Devi and he had a reasonable excuse to feed his friends and anyone else about why they were hanging out and he LOVES hanging out with her. He’s tied his academic success to Devi. He’s not wrong for being upset that she ditched him several times but she’s not wrong about holding his hand through this. He has to grow up and do it for himself. 
He’s mad at her again. And I wonder if she had come around to apologizing quicker or if it had only been one thing (Just being suspended because of the Aneesa thing or JUST being mad about Aneesa and Ben) he might have jumped to accept her apology quickly. But I think that even just the fact that it took her a minute to remember he existed hurt him again. He likes Devi. He likes hanging out with Devi. Loves hanging out with her. He loses his excuse to do it because she blows him off and he can’t possibly sink to just let that go easily because he likes hanging out with her. This is like the third or fourth or fifth time she’s hurt him and he’s not fucking around. He’s done. 
Until she’s crying and walking home and he LIKES DEVI.
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He knows she doesn’t talk to people well when things go bad so he offers to drive her home and he gives her space to open up and talk about it and she doesn’t really but she at least takes interest in HIM again and that’s really enough to remind him that he really likes Devi. He doesn’t ice her out anymore, he’s back to being friends with her and he’s back to having an excuse to hang out with her. And along the way he learns something about his family history, his grandfather, he goes above and beyond and he likes the way it feels. Nobody thought he could do that, certainly Ben Gross isn’t out here suggesting anyone can study and do well. He’s just an asshole who wants other people around him to be stupid so he looks better. Devi isn’t the best peer tutor because she is that good at tutoring. It’s because she believes that everybody, if they work for it, can achieve it. Education/teacher language DEVI IS ALL ABOUT THE GROWTH MINDSET. This stuff doesn’t come naturally to her. And actually if we go back to that conversation in the Jeep about Paxton accidentally swimming to San Diego, it sounds like Devi doesn’t have much that comes to her naturally except maybe making messes. She works for everything. That attitude and experience makes her more equipped to believe in others. 
So no matter what his misgivings are about being hurt again, Paxton offers himself up all wet on a platter to Devi. Coming into her window because he likes her. He likes her so much he’s willing to risk Devi hurting him again, the wrath of her mom who hits him where it hurts and does not go easy, AND gravity because remember, Trent recently fell off that roof, Paxton barely got his cast off from breaking his arm! Paxton takes a page out of Steve’s book and crawls through her window ready to be hurt again. 
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And he loves spending time with her. He’s spending all that time with her. He’s finally doing what he wants, without judgement from anyone else. He’s dating Devi on his terms, as safe as he can make it. And he likes her so much. 
But Devi is reading the signals and she’s like wait a second, I like you so much I wanna go to the dance. Because you like me, so that’s a reasonable expectation. Paxton hates turning her down and tbh I don’t even know if it would have gone as badly if Trent and Marcus weren’t just behind him ready to kick dirt in her face. She fucked up their guy and she’s “crazy” and they’re gonna publicly humiliate her because she did that to Paxton. (boys are so weird honestly like just go to therapy) 
Devi says she’s not gonna be a secret and that moment when she shakes his hand, he definitely did not think that was going to happen. Devi’s not obsessed with him anymore. She knows him and she likes him AND she’s not willing to be somebody’s secret and she wants more than he’s offering.
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Instead of going to the dance, he stays home. All his bros went, he’s been to prom regularly since he was in 7th grade (YIKES) but he’s sitting this out because he’s not interested in hanging out at a dance with anybody else. Except Devi. But he can’t hang out with Devi because she’s asking too much of him and he turned her down. I refuse to believe he was sitting comfortably at home NOT thinking about Devi. The show makes it seem like the counselor calling him reminds him of Devi but he was definitely thinking about her all night. Everybody is at the dance and he’s at home because he didn’t want to open himself up to not just Devi hurting him again, but also to his friends fucking with him. He’s not embarrassed of Devi. He’s worried about his place in the social hierarchy of school and she’s hurt him a lot of times. This is where he decides that Devi’s worth it. Paxton loves Devi. She’s different from all the other hookups. She’s different from his friends. They make a good team and he WANTS to be with her. He wants to hang out with her and he doesn’t need an excuse. He can just open himself up to a relationship with her and that’s all he has to do to get to hang out with Devi. A very “i love josh” moment.
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So right after being terrified that he might have hurt her (seriously, if you’re a driver, you’ve prob had that nightmare) she’s okay and she’s asking him to be clear. “Damn, you’re gonna make me say it?” is much less about him thinking he’s too good for her or embarrassed of her, he’s opening himself up to Devi again. Again. And he’s willing to put it all on the line for Devi because he loves her. But he can’t tell her that because he’s not an idiot. He knows he’s been around the block more than she has and he doesn’t want to spook her, so he says “as your boyfriend” and he kisses her and they go into that dance and Paxton looks nervous but I’m gonna say it, it’s less about being embarrassed. It’s absolutely about the fact that he sees this as a big step. This is someone important and he’s growing up. Devi is worth it. Devi is special. Devi is different. Because he loves her. 
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devildomimagines · 3 years
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Could u do another "I'm not (blank) enough" requests but instead of MC saying something negative it'd be the brothers saying they aren't enough at something?
This was an interesting request, thanks Anon! I'm sorry it took me a while to get through it but I really had to dig deep to figure out what these arrogant, all powerful demons could feel insecure about.
Here is my other piece Anon is referencing: "I'm Not _______ Enough."
I changed it up a bit from the original but I hope you like it! Also I got carried away and this got pretty long so the other brothers are under the cut lol.
"Am I _______ Enough?"
Belphegor
“Am I reliable enough?”
You had woken up from your nap to his words, and asked “What?” While wiping the sleep from your eyes.
“Can you depend on me?” He reworded the question but didn’t make eye contact.
“Belphie?” You guided his face to look at yours.
“Actually never mind,” he backed out of the conversation and the bed.
“Wait,” You sat up and pushed out of the bed too, already missing the warmth.
Once in front of him, you stated, “You’re reliable!”
His blush was slight but you caught it before he amended, “I know that I’m not always hanging off you like Mammon or Asmo-“
“That’s ok!” You interrupted, “Sorry,” you quickly apologized when he gave you a look.
“But I know that with your sin, it gets physically uncomfortable to be awake for long periods like how Beel gets after not getting enough food. I know if I ever needed you,” you took his hand, “you’d be there.”
He took a moment to let the scene sink in before squeezing your hand, giggling, and roughing up your hair, “That’s right, bed head,” He teased.
“Yours isn’t any better!” You moved to do the same to him but he dodged.
The two of you continued to play fight but didn’t let go of the other's hand. Belphie seemed lightened by your confirmation and you enjoyed the rare bout of playful activity with the youngest.
Beelzebub
“Am I warm enough?”
“Heck yeah! You’re like a space heater!”
He laughed, “Thanks, MC.” But his smile faded too quickly.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did I misunderstand?” You went from sitting across from him to sitting next to him at the table, “Do you not want to be a space heater?”
That got him smiling again, “No, that’s not it, I guess I meant warm like friendly?”
“Well then it’s a resounding yes, you’re super friendly Beel!” You gave his back a rub and a pat for punctuation.
“Oh… ok,” he went back to his snack which you assumed he would but his response wasn’t sitting right with you.
“Do you not believe me?” You looked up at him with your best puppy dog pout.
Congrats, your cuteness made the Avatar of Gluttony choke! He coughed and pounded on his chest with a closed fist.
You offered your apology and he waved it off as he took some gulps of his drink.
“No I do believe you MC.” He started covering your hand on the table with his and before your hand was completely enveloped he stopped.
“What is it then?” You prodded.
“Just a teammate commented on how I made chills run down his spine with just my stare.”
“Ah, I think Asmo would know that as a resting b*tch face,” you scratched your chin sagely
He frowned, “I can’t do anything about that, that's just how my face is.”
“Exactly! So don’t stress it, he’s still your teammate and friend, right?”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Beel mulled it over and you could practically see the weight of it rise off his shoulders as he sat up straighter and accepted it.
“There he is,” you thought as he exuded an easy confidence but your thoughts were disrupted when he pulled you into an embrace. He whispered near your ear, “Thanks.”
“Who could think this wasn’t warm?” You thought as you snuggled into his hold.
Asmodeus
“Am I attentive enough?”
“What brought that up?” You questioned looking up from your spot on his bed. It wasn’t like Asmo to show his insecurities.
“Just some gossip going around,” He tried to minimize the claims and continued fussing with his hair.
“Oh, well, you know how gossip gets, you just have to ignore it and it’ll go away,” you repeated the same advice he had given you when you first arrived in the Devildom and there were vicious rumors and tabloid articles written about the exchange program participants.
“But am I?!”
The hurt look on his face paired with the desperation in his question made it plainly obvious this meant more to him than he wanted to let on.
“Of course-”
Asmo cut you off, “MC, you have to be deadly honest right now.”
“You’re attentive Asmo,” You confirmed without a shadow of a doubt.
He chewed his lip and cheek debating the statement.
You got up from the bed and came to stand in front of Asmo. You cupped the cheek he was chewing on and he stopped.
With a small nudge you made him swivel to look back in the mirror, “What were the rumors saying?” Your own curiosity running wild, what could bring Asmo to this?
Surprisingly Asmo looked away from the reflection of you two to answer in a small voice, “That if I didn’t pay attention to you, they’d sweep in and take you for themselves.”
That stunned you for a second, you didn’t think it would involve you. “Well first of all, I don’t even know them, how are they going to even get close to me at this point?” 
Asmo considered this, you were always with him or one of his brothers.
“Second, you’re always paying attention to me, you probably know my facial expressions better than I do,” you laughed and he couldn’t help a small snort of his own.
“Third, even on days when you’re stressed, or excited about a new make-up launch and your energy is elsewhere, you always,” you squeezed his arm for emphasis, “ALWAYS check in on me.”
Asmo bit his lip once more but this time holding back a smile. He clearly couldn’t hold it back when he locked you in a hug and squealed your name.
Satan
“Am I patient enough?”
You knew this was something that he consciously worked on so you quickly confirmed, “Yes,” then turned the page of your book.
He was a little shocked at your quick resolution and not totally satisfied. He closed his book and asked, “There was never a time when you think I couldn’t have been more patient?”
“Well sure, but I think that about myself too.”
That was also surprising to Satan, “How? You’re even more patient than me.”
 “I’m only human,” You shrugged, as you closed your own book, recognizing this was going to be more of a discussion.
“And I’m only demon?” Satan returned sarcastically. He did not appreciate the turn of phrase.
“Sorry, I meant, I’m not perfect, no one is. You can’t hold yourself to an impossible standard because you’ll only be destined to be disappointed when you don’t live up to it.” You paused for the idea to settle with him.
He contemplated the sentiment.
“The way I see it,” you continued, “As long as you’re trying to do better then that’s what matters.”
Satan weighed that thought as well.
“And there is an even bigger secret with patience that not a lot of people know,” you baited.
Satan asked “And what’s that?” Hook, line, and sinker.
“I don’t know if you’re ready,” you taunted and reopened your book. If there was one thing you knew you could entice Satan with, it was some kind of hidden knowledge.
He moved across the room and closed your book in your hand for you.
You looked up at him looming over you with a sweet smile.
He smiled back at you, knowing you were playing with him. “And what’s that?” He repeated but you knew it was more of a command this time.
“Fine, I’ll share the secret with you so listen well.”
He started to nod before you caught his face in your hands. His eyebrows shot up to wordlessly question your action but didn’t break the silence, his proof he was listening.
“People don’t always realize that the most important part of patience is…” you paused and savored the interest in Satan’s eyes, “that you have to afford yourself the same patience you give to others.”
His brows furrowed trying to unravel the words in his mind. 
While he did so, you pulled his head down slightly so you could give him a quick kiss on the forehead. Then pat his cheek and released him. 
He took a step back, almost in a daze, you certainly gave him something to think about.
Leviathan
“Am I supportive enough?”
You looked up from the manga you were reading and Levi was staring down at the manga in his hand. His hands were holding the sides tightly as he waited for your response.
“How so?” You prompted.
“L-like this,” Levi pushed the manga towards you. You scanned the panels, the scene being depicted looked like it was one where the love interest was cheering on the main character while they were participating in a sports festival.
“Well you’re not like this,” you had to be honest and you could see he was already starting to sulk, “but you’re supportive in your own way.”
He tsked and took the manga back.
“Levi, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” you apologized.
“It’s fine,” Levi turned the page, “I know I’m a gross otaku shut in.”
“No, stop.” You closed the manga, you dug this hole so it was time to climb out.
He listened and looked over at you, annoyed.
“You’re supportive Levi. There are different ways to be supportive!”
He rolled his eyes, not believing you.
Alright this guy wants to play hardball, you could play with the best of them. “You always make sure that I’ve eaten and slept, even if you haven’t. For as long as we’ve had a pact, you’ve always come to my defense even though I know you hate confrontation. When I find a new show, game or book that I’m interested in, you always take the time to learn about it yourself so I can talk to someone about it.”
By the end, Levi’s face was red, his ears were red, you could swear his hands were even shaking a little bit.
“So sure, you’re not yelling your support from the roof of the House of Lamentation like that character,” you took one of his hands and his eyes darted between your face and your interlaced hands, “but I appreciate your quiet kind of support.”
Leviathan.exe has stopped working. It took a solid 5 minutes to regain his voice.
“M-M-MC!” he whined, “That’s so embarrassing!” He slumped down to hide his face but didn’t dare remove his hand from yours.
“Was it super effective?” You laughed at your joke.
He groaned from his drooped state but he squeezed your hand and you knew that it was.
Mammon
“Am I humble enough?”
At first, you have to bite your tongue to keep from outright laughing. 
Surely the demon who regards himself as “The Great Mammon” would see the irony in asking this.
But he was quiet and reflective, a stark contrast to his usual self.
You sat down next to him on the sofa in the living room, with a pat on his back you opted to offer what you thought he wanted to hear, “Sure you are buddy.”
“Are ya messing with me?” of all times for Mammon to be observant.
You were as bad a liar as he was so when you looked away and scratched your cheek instead of answering Mammon knew you were lying.
He sighed and his shoulders dropped as he caught his head in his hands.
“Well you don’t have to be humble!” You defended, feeling bad for your white lie earlier.
He peeked up at you and you took the opportunity to stand up in front of him, “You’re like the third strongest demon in all of Devildom! You should be proud of that!”
He rolled his eyes but you could see a shadow of a smile play on his lips.
“Not only are you strong but you’re very caring, not only to your brothers but to me too,” you suggested and on queue Mammon flushed.
“I’m not,” he tried to deny.
“Oh that’s not true. Remember when Belphie ruined that painting and you took the fall for it?”
His eyes opened wide in shock, “How did you-”
“Or that time when I was sick and you took such good care of me?” You added in a sing-song tone.
“Shuddup!” Mammon was now standing and placed a hand over your mouth as he looked around for his brothers. He looked back at you, “I got a reputation to uphold, y’know.”
After a muffled laugh, you pulled his hand away, “What I’m saying is you don’t have to be modest.”
“Yeah I guess when you put it that way,” He rubbed the back of his head considering.
“So what’s on the agenda for the day for The Great Mammon?”
He squinted his eyes at your teasing tone but smirked and grabbed your hand to drag you along. You went willingly with a snicker.
Lucifer
“Am I compassionate enough?”
He didn’t look up from the paperwork he was reviewing when he posed the question to you.
At first you tilted your head and wondered if he was even addressing you.
When he did finally look up, you knew he was waiting for your answer.
“Yeah, I think so?” You didn’t mean to phrase it as a question but were more concerned with how this even came up.
“You think so?” Lucifer repeated incredulously.
“Yes,” you reinforced, “where’s this coming from?” You were taking a risk in questioning Lucifer, there was probably a 50/50 chance he would actually answer. 
It was rare that he would even voice a question about his character.
He frowned and went back to his paperwork. You figured that was the end of the conversation, this being the 50% of the time that he would not answer. You went back to perusing his record collection to find something to play.
“Simeon mentioned how ruthless I’ve become.”
You looked back over at Lucifer. He looked more tired than he did just a moment ago. Simeon’s comment must have been wearing on him.
You picked a record you knew he liked and put it on before walking over to his desk.
He sighed, put down his pen and rubbed his eyes.
You leaned against the desk with your arms crossed and he faced you, the weariness even more apparent up close.
“Can I be honest with you?” you asked.
He grimaced, already thinking the worst but nodded.
“I think your ruthlessness comes from a compassionate place.”
From his one raised eyebrow, you could tell that wasn’t what he was expecting and he was waiting for your explanation.
“For example,” you began, “you care about your brothers, so when you punish them, it’s for their own good or to save them from a worse fate. You might not admit this one, but you’ve become sympathetic to Diavolo’s moods and disposition and so acting in accordance with how it will reflect on him and enforcing those standards has become second nature, hasn’t it?” He looked away.
You knew he wouldn’t answer that so you looked away yourself and continued, “You may have at first picked me as a candidate for the exchange program because of my connection to Lilith and housed me at the request of Diavolo,” you laughed at what you were about to say for the first time out loud, “but since getting to know me, I like to think that you’ve had a change of heart and genuinely care about my well-being despite those factors.”
There was a moment of silence and you felt your face heat up, nervous that maybe you overestimated your importance.
Before you could look back at him, he had stood up and enclosed you in a hug. You smiled, uncrossed your arms and hugged him back. 
He was humming along with the song so you made one more bold choice and started swaying in time with the rhythm. He chuckled, shifted to hold one of your hands, and properly led you in a dance around the room. 
You hoped his light footsteps were a reflection of how light his heart was feeling.
All signs of the weariness from moments ago were completely gone.
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peachhcs · 3 years
Text
Love Languages Pt. 2
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Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader
Summary: Pt.2 to Luke asking you what Love Languages are
Warnings: talk of drinking and cheating but that’s it
Word Count: 1.6k
Here is part two that you all have been asking for! I deeply apologize for how long it took me to get this up, school is really kicking my butt. I have a bunch of people asking to be on my taglist and I’m currently in the works of making one so comment or reblog or something telling me you want to be on my taglist! Make sure you specifiy for my series or for small blurbs/oneshots like this or both! 
Thank you so much for the amazing feedback! I love the comments and y’all are so amazing! 
I’m not sure if this will have a part 3?? but let me know if you want one haha. I won’t be tagging anyone in this because my tags got lost in my notifications, so if you want to be tagged again, make sure you read above! :)
PART 1
* * *
You didn’t mean to avoid Luke, it just kind of happened. Junior Year was no joke and it felt like every night and every weekend you had piles of homework to get done, so you sort of drifted from going to Julie’s house everyday. She didn’t mind, she understood just as much and kept you updated on how the band was doing. However, you still felt guilty for avoiding the boys. You were worried that Luke would think he scared you away by touching you, but you were feeling the exact opposite. You wanted to explore more and find out more but here you were, in your room at 12am trying to finish this nagging essay that was due in 8 hours. 
You felt your eyelids growing heavy but you shook your head, trying to keep yourself awake. The 3 monster drinks on your nightstand said enough about how much you were trying to keep yourself awake. You had 2 paragraphs left but you knew you were at a losing battle with yourself. The way your eyes were just glazing over at this point and rereading the same sentence over and over was becoming a very evident indication that you needed sleep. Before you could even think about quitting for the night, there was a noise from the side of your room and a grunt. Your eyes quickly darted over to where the noise came from and there stood Luke with that magenta pull over that you really liked. 
“Luke?” His eyes quickly darted over to you, clearly surprised to still see you awake.
“Y/n..hey..” He started and you pushed your laptop away to give him your full attention. 
“What are you..doing here?..” You weren’t really sure why he was here and you felt a small bit of tension in the room from avoiding him for the past few weeks. 
“I uh..came to see you..” His voice was small and you pushed your eyebrows together in confusion. 
“At 12 in the morning?..” You knew ghosts didn’t really sleep but it was still a strange sight to see Luke in your bedroom this late at night. 
“Yup..” He trails off and pushes his glance down to the floor. You raised your eyebrow, knowing he wasn’t telling you the whole truth. You two were still best friends after all, so you could read him like an open book. 
“Luke, seriously. What are you doing here?” You ask trying to push an answer out of him. He finally meets your gaze again and you see his small expression on his face.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” 
You blinked a few times at his bluntness. This time you were the one to avoid his gaze. You picked at your fingernails slightly, knowing Luke was watching you and waiting for an answer. 
“I don't mean too.. School’s been tough and stuff.” You say cringing at how lame that sounded even though it was true. Luke stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide if you were lying to him or not. You avoided his eyes and kept your glance locked on the floor. 
“Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep by touching you? I didn’t mean to scare you or anything..” Luke trails off and you frown. You quickly shake your head to tell him no.
“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been really swamped with homework..” You grimace to yourself for coming back to your really lame excuse. You watch as Luke steps a little closer, testing the waters. When you don’t object to him moving closer, he takes a slow seat on your bed beside you. 
“You look tired..” He points out, gently reaching to touch your cheek. It warms both of your bodies as your skin makes contact. His hands were..warm..and comforting. You weren’t sure what you expected but it definitely wasn't this. Who knew ghosts were warm? 
“I told you I’ve been swamped with homework.” You chuckle and this time Luke chuckles along with you. He gently pulls his hand away and folds them into his lap. You stare down at your feet for a few moments trying to figure out what to say next. This felt like completely new territory the two of you were exploring and by the energy and growing tension in the room; this was a little bit scary. 
“Do you think you know..why we can..touch?” You ask hesitantly. Julie was filling you in here and there at school, but it wasn’t much and they didn’t seem to come up with anything as to why you had the “powers” too. 
“No..it’s still all confusing. We think Julie’s mom has something to do with us being connected to Julie but we don’t know about you.” Luke says, side eyeing you and you weren’t sure if that was a hint for you to talk about your past or not.  
You didn’t really open up about your past. No one had ever really asked so you never really talked. Julie knew a little bit, she knew that your mom and dad fought a lot and you didn’t like being at home that much, but that was about it. You didn’t talk about it further than that, so when you could feel Luke trying to dig into your past more, you shrugged. 
“My parents don’t talk much about stuff. I don’t know.” You say, keeping it short and simple. Luke frowns a little at your answer, but he knows not to push so he doesn’t. The two of you sit in more silence beside one another. You picked at your finger nails while Luke’s eyes travelled around your room. 
“I ran out on my mom. She didn’t believe in my dream and though dropping out of high school was the worst possible idea. We got into a fight and I ran out. That was the last time I saw her face to face. I died before I could make amends with her.” You glance at Luke, surprised at his openness. Even though you guys were best friends, talking about stuff like this was kind of off limits. The memory hurt too much so you never talked about at home, parent problems. 
“Wow..I’m sorry. That must have been hard on both of you.” You admit and Luke nods.
“It was, but Julie helped me make amends with them last year.” Luke smiles a little and you smile too. You knew his little story was a play to get you to start talking so you took in a little breath. 
“My dad cheated on my mom a few years ago with..a few other women. My mom keeps trying to make excuses for him to keep him around. They fight a lot because my dad doesn’t want to stay but my mom keeps pushing it. They’re both pretty heavy drinkers, too. It’s not a very good mix.” You explain. It felt weird to say it out loud, but it also felt nice to talk about it with someone.
“I’m really sorry, Y/n. I can’t imagine how difficult that is.” Luke empathizes but you only shrug. 
“It’s a good thing Julie let’s me come over so much. She’s been there for me for it all and I really love her for that.” You say, smiling at the thought of Julie’s friendship. You really couldn’t ask for a better best friend to get through it all. 
“Yeah, Julie’s really great. She does it all.” Luke laughs and you nod in agreement. More silence fills in between you two but it was comfortable silence. This time you lean your head on Luke’s shoulder and he pulls his arm around you to bring you closer. You could feel the tension slowly fading away. Sometimes all it took was one meaningful conversation to break the barrier. 
“Oh yeah, I saw these on my way over here and I thought you might like them.” Luke smiles and you watch as he digs into his pocket before pulling out a small bouquet of those pretty Aster flowers. You sit up a little, instantly recognizing them. They were your grandma’s favorite before she passed away when you were little. 
“Asters?” You ask and Luke glances at you a little surprised.
“Is that what they’re called? They’re really pretty.” Luke smiles and hands them to you. You smile, smelling them and instantly getting that fresh scent of your grandma’s house. 
“They are very pretty. Thank you.” You smile warmly and Luke smiles again. 
“Yeah, you’re welcome. They just reminded me of you.” Luke says and you chuckle. That was something your grandma had said to you a lot. 
“You should probably get going. It’s getting late and the boys are probably wondering where you are.” You chuckle, glancing at how much later it had gotten and you still had to wake up for school the next morning. 
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll see you at Julie’s tomorrow?” Luke stands up and sends you a hopeful glance. You chuckle and nod a yes. 
“Yeah, see you there, Patterson.” Luke smiles at your response. You watch as he hesitates to leave for a moment and you’re about to question him when in one quick motion he plants a kiss on your cheek before poofing out. 
You sit there, a little stunned, before allowing a small blush to creep its way onto your cheeks. You got up to put your flowers in your little vase on your desk. It added a nice touch to your room. If Luke hadn’t come in to make you more alert, you would have missed it. On your desk by the vase was a small piece of paper with writing on it. Upon examining it further, it was one of the last notes your grandma had written to you before she passed away. You thought you had lost that somewhere in your numerous papers, but there it was, front and center on your desk. 
I will be with you, today, tomorrow, and forever. You just have to look for the signs - Grandma 
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vroomvroomkachowboi · 3 years
Text
I Hear a Symphony
smut, fluff, angst: angst/fluff 
pairing: draco malfoy x reader(fem)
word count: 1.5k (1580)
summary: draco’s has been depressed ever since astoria died and he’s been learning to parent as a windowed single father, that is until he meets y/n
warning: death, depression, cursing 
a/n: inspired by a song i found on tik tok called “i hear a symphony” by cody fry, i totally recommend it, it’s soo good. ik i said i was gonna write a fred imagine, but dang i’ve been getting so much inspo to write draco imagines. ik astoria died when scorpius was 13, but let’s pretend she died much earlier, also don’t know much abt astoria, so if anything is wrong, i’m sorry. I'm super proud of this so without further ado, enjoy 
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Draco still remembers the day of Astoria’s funeral. He held his son, Scorpius, crying as he clearly lacked his mother’s warm touch. Narcissa and Lucius gladly took in Scorpius while Draco mourned and grieved. He had entered his large, empty mansion, and laid in his California King sized bed, feeling the dent of his late wife’s body on the mattress.
He had to pick up his son a week later because he could not look at him, a reminder of Astoria, and the fact that she risked her health for him, for him to not be lonely after her blood curse took her, and yet he was still lonely. He felt a void in his body, and waking up every morning, it felt like it was just getting bigger.
He noticed he was getting very pale, so he decided to take Scorpius and himself to an ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley. The lady at the register had y/l y/h hair, and y/c eyes. As Draco got closer to the register, he noticed how young she was, possibly around his age. She gave him a sweet smile. “That’ll be 2 galleons sir,” She says. He pulls out 2 galleons out of his left pocket and puts it on the counter. “Thank you. Have a nice day-ooh, your son is going to need napkins.” She lets out a giggle and hands him more napkins. And she was right, Scorpius had strawberry ice cream all over his mouth, dripping from his chin. “Thank you.” He says quickly, and grabs Scorpius’ hand to sit down.
Draco often took Scorpius out so he wouldn’t be cooped up in the house all day. Draco also didn’t want to be reminded of the emptiness that his wife left behind.
They both decided to go to a park in London. Draco sat on a bench, observing his child interact with the muggle children, he knew Astoria would be happy about it. “Hello.” A familiar female voice startled him. He turned around to see the lady from the ice cream shop in Diagon Alley. “Hello.” He replied.
“I thought Malfoys hated muggles.” She says and takes a seat next to him. He shifts over, uncomfortably, but she didn’t seem to notice. “No, I stopped thinking that way. What about you? What are you doing here?” He says. “I came to visit my muggle family. My niece is over there.” She points to a young girl on the swings. He nodded, unsure of what to say.  
They both just sat in a somewhat comfortable silence, while watching all those happy young kids running around.
Suddenly, Scorpius’ screams were heard from across the playground. Draco got up quickly and rushed over to his son. Scorpius had scraped his knee really badly. Draco carried him over to the bench, with Y/n still sitting, in shock of the crying child. “I fell off the swings!” Scorpius whined when Draco asked what had happened. “Oh god, I can’t use my magic here! I’m sorry Scorp, I can’t heal you.” Scorpius seemed to cry louder.
Draco's heartbeat quickened. It felt like everything was closing in. ‘Astoria would’ve known what to do.’ He thought. He felt so unfit to be a single father.
“Don't worry Draco. I’ve got just what you need until you get home.” Y/n said. Grabbing a brown bottle and a cotton ball from her bag. “My brother gave me all this stuff in case my niece got hurt. What luck.” The bottle read “Hydrogen Peroxide”. Draco watched as she poured some on the ball. “This won’t hurt.” She said with a soft tone in her voice, and Scorpius nodded hesitantly. She dabbed the cotton ball on the wound, he watched as it bubbled.
“What is it doing?” Draco asked. “It’s cleaning the scrape. I’ll put a bandage on it, and you can fix it with magic when you get home.” Draco nodded. “Thank you. What do we say, Scorp?” He asked. “Thank you.” Little Scorpius said quietly and got up to play again.
“I believe I never got your name.” Draco asked. “Y/n.”
This was the start to a lovely friendship. Draco and Scorpius often went to visit Y/n at the ice cream parlor. When Draco needed Y/n, she’d always be there. Because she knew how vulnerable he was since the death of his wife, he also trusted her enough to babysit Scorpius, and thankfully Scorpius loved her.
Every night after her shift, she’d come over with pints of ice cream for all of them to eat. With her help, he was able to finally mourn healthily. No longer was he alone at nights, she would sleep in the guest room close to the master’s bedroom.
Although, something was wrong with Draco. He cared for his new friend, but his admiration for her grew the more he got to know her. He grew feelings for her quickly. ‘I can't do this to Astoria.’ Was always a reoccurring thought, but the more he tried to suppress it, the more his love grew.
It also seems that Scorpius viewed her as a second mother, he couldn’t hurt them.
He decided to give her the silent treatment. The less he hangs out with her, the faster his feelings fade, right?
It went on for a month. Slowly but surely, ignoring Y/n more and more. She spent most of her time with Scorpius, not that she minded, but Draco was acting strange.
So, enough was enough. She was going to confront him about it. So on a Friday night, she put the blonde 6-year-old to bed. Hearing the light snores from the young child, she slipped out quietly from his bedroom, looking for his father. She looked all around the large home, but found him outside, sitting on a bench by the tall grass hedges.
“Draco!” She called out. He flinches and hesitantly looks up at her. She sat by him. “What's up with you? You’ve been acting strange lately.” He stayed quiet. “You can trust me, Dray. We’ve been friends for over a year now.” He sighed loudly. “I...I like you.” He whispers.
“Oh.”
Draco shuts his eyes tightly, feeling as if it was a mistake. “I think you need to leave.” He hears Y/n’s feet shuffle on the grass. He let out a heavy breath and puts his face in his hands. Tears pour out of his grey eyes. ‘I can’t do this to Astoria.’ He felt so guilty. As if he was cheating on his wife. Why did he need to feel this way? What would Scorpius think? Would he think he's replacing his beloved mother?
“I’m sorry, Astoria.” He cried. He headed to the master’s bedroom and dozed off.
The next morning, Draco had realized it was a mistake to send Y/n home, because Scorpius had been nagging him all day about her whereabouts. It went on for an entire week as well. He also felt very lonely, she brought light into the dark home. He needed her, whether it was as a friend or a partner.
He decided to make amends, so he took Scorpius to the ice cream parlor.
Y/n heard the bell at the door, she was ready to serve her next customer, until she realized who it was. Draco and Scorpius. “What can I get you two?” She said professionally. “Strawberry.” Young Scorpius replies. So she scooped some strawberry ice cream for the 6 year old, and handed the cup to him.
Scorpius thanks her. “Go find us a seat. I’ll be there in a second, Scorp.” Draco says to him. Draco pats him on the head before sending him away. “And you sir?”
“Come on, Y/n. Don't be like that. I’m here to apologize.” He looks into her e/c eyes. She sighs loudly before going to face him. She walks towards him. “Talk.”
“I’m sorry. I apologize for ignoring you and for sending you off after confessing something big like that.” He grabs Y/n’s hands. “I have feelings for you. And I thought that if I ignored you, they might go away, but they didn't. Having a crush on you felt like I was cheating on Astoria. I felt guilty, and I didn't want Scorp to think I’m replacing his mother.” She furrowed her eyebrows but let him continue. “Ever since you entered my life, you’ve helped me become a better father and helped me mourn. You're my best friend, N/n, sending you away made me realize how much you’ve impacted me and Scorpius’ life. My life was boring, and miserable, but you came in, and you pieced me back together and fixed my broken heart. Astoria would’ve want me to be happy, and I’m happy with you.”
“Wow.” Draco chuckles at her one word. “That was one of the most beautiful declarations of love I've ever heard.” She threw her arms around him, and he quickly returns the gesture. They both knew what the other wanted.
Draco and Y/n pulled away from each other a little, but only to lock lips. Y/n’s hands were placed on his waist, while Draco’s pale hands were on her face.
Kissing each other was like hearing an entire symphony, adrenaline rising, and making them want more affection from each other. Draco once felt like he would never be happy again, but now he's the happiest he's been in over a year.
She pulls away and smirks, “I’ll get your ice cream now. I’ll see you once my shift is over.”
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sunflowerbi · 2 years
Text
For Therapy, Of Course
A little fix-it fic. Aka, what if Eve didn't have V arrested and they kissed instead.
-----
Eve should probably be trying to convince herself this was a bad idea, should be considering if she really wanted to do this, but she was tired of pretending it mattered. She knew that it didn’t, that she had to be there because Villanelle was in there. She would prefer if she didn’t kill her therapist lead but really, she knew she hardly even cared. Villanelle was in there and all she wanted was to raise a white flag and talk. Villanelle had looked so soft in her hotel, wearing only Eve’s robe, hair still wet from being in Eve’s shower. She had been so entirely overwhelmed by the sight that she’d stormed out, bitterness dripping from her tongue all too easily, once again pretending the heat running through her veins was anger, like she hadn’t always known it was something else entirely.
Watching Martin hit the ground, she thought for a brief moment that he was dead, a terrible omen for the conversation about to come. When she was inside though, feeling his pulse and listening to Villanelle casually say he only had a concussion, she relaxed a bit. At least there wasn’t a murder to cover up. She was certain Martin would be more than willing to forget about this, happy to pretend the whole day had never happened.
“Why are you here, Villanelle?” She asked, setting herself on the couch, inches away from where Villanelle was curled up.
“For therapy, of course.” As if it was the most obvious thing in the world, a simple fact.
“You know it’s never good to start therapy by lying your way into an appointment.” Eve kept her eyes faced forwards, equal parts guilt and fear mixing in her gut.
“Yes, well, I am not very good at that, am I?” she sighed, her whole body seeming to sink with it, “Starting things the good way.”
“Neither am I, clearly. Villanelle, I-”
“Why did you slap me? I was trying to- to make amends. But slapping is not how to do that.” Her voice broke a bit this time, vulnerability filtering in.
“I’m a fucking idiot, mostly.” Eve finally looked over at Villanelle, meeting her eyes. “You were all gentleness and holy love, trying to find God. I was, am, not that. I shot Konstantin in the hand the other day to get an answer out of him, tracked down a new recruit, broke into Helene’s home. I am not becoming a good person.”
“I do not think I can ever be a good person. I have done too many bad things. Also, I killed the people from the church. They were mean to me, but I was not very nice to them either.” Villanelle admitted, her eyes staying locked with Eve’s.
“Maybe not, but you don’t deserve me treating you like that. I am not a good person either, Villanelle. I will not apologize for what I did before, we were both cruel, but I will for slapping you. Because I am sorry, that wasn’t fair. I think I expected things to be different after the bridge, expected some answer to fall into my lap, but it didn’t, and I found myself more confused than ever.”
“Thank you, Eve. I do not know what you want either, even though I thought I did. But I was talking to Marlin-”
“Martin.”
“Whatever, Martin. And when I told him about you, I realized that I know what I want. I need to know what you want, because I cannot handle this much more if it’s not the same thing. I do not want to run around each other anymore. I am very tired of it all.” It was soft, barely more than a whispered confession, and Eve finally felt something inside of her break.
“You. I want you.” Eve answered confidently, allowing her finger to trace the shape of Villanelle’s face. “Every bit of you.” Her finger dragged gently down Villanelle’s lip.
“Do not say that if you do not mean it, Eve.” Her voice wavered, ever so barely. “There is a lot of me. Most of it is bad, and I cannot be who I was when we met. I am not going back to that, nor am I a loyal follower of Christ.” It was hopeful but stern, and Eve could see how close Villanelle was to breaking.
“I mean it, Villanelle. I do not want you to be anyone else but you. I love you. I don’t know what it means yet, but I do know that. I think I’ve known that since the first time we met.”
Villanelle broke then, a tear slipping down her cheek when she finally let herself touch Eve for the first time, their fingers gently intertwined. Eve kissed away the tear as it made its descent, before she traced her way across the smooth skin, gentle kisses that landed finally on Villanelle’s lips.
“I love you too, Eve.”
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Text
I find it interesting that Bucky and Zemo's final confrontation was framed as a mutual forgiveness. I think it adds real complexity to Zemo's character, and further depth to Bucky's.
Zemo escaped, but did not run. He didn't go into hiding, he didn't start trying to kill all of the other remaining super soldiers. Instead, he went to stand at a memorial to his fallen people, knowing he would be found by Bucky. He stood still as Bucky put a gun in his face, and would have taken the bullet without resistance. This humanizes him. It makes us remember that, while he has done many horrible things, he is still a man. A person.
Bucky is in similar shoes, having done many horrible things himself. And Bucky wanted to prove to Zemo that it is possible to leave those horrible things behind. He wanted to make a point by showing that no, the Winter Soldier really was dead (even if he doesn't fully believe that), and he didn't need to kill Zemo to stop feeling bitter or to assuage his guilt. Bucky wasn't that man anymore, he wasn't the Winter Soldier, and he proved that here to both Zemo and himself. By letting Zemo live, Bucky emphasizes his own humanity.
And maybe Zemo would have died to prove a point. Maybe he would have taken that bullet to show that super soldiers are always dangerous and evil and cannot be changed or trusted--something he has clearly wanted to believe for as long as we've known him. But Sam, earlier in the series, pointed out Zemo's reluctance to apply that thought process to Bucky. In direct conflict with his beliefs about all other super soldiers, Zemo doesn't want to kill Bucky, and he says as much when Bucky finds him.
This may confuse us as the audience, since we are accustomed to thinking of Zemo a certain way; but, when we think of him as a person, with all of his complexities and contradictions, instead of as an archetype, the reason for his exception of Bucky becomes clear.
Zemo does what he does to make amends. The fact that Bucky finds him standing at the memorial for Sokovia serves to emphasize this. Zemo is a man in mourning. He grieves for the country he lost, for the family he lost, for the life he used to have and the person he used to be which were buried in Sokovian rubble and never got out. He mourns for his people and the destruction that was caused, and he sees his mission as a way to try to make things right. To correct the mistakes of the past.
The reason he does not want to kill Bucky is that he sees himself in Bucky. Bucky, too, is a man desperately trying to repair the damage of the past. To make amends. To heal. And there is a part of Zemo, the human part, that sees that broken man instead of the super soldier. In a way, Zemo wants Bucky's efforts to succeed, because he wants to see that human effort can make a difference. If Bucky can heal from everything he's lost, maybe Zemo can too. Maybe the pain and suffering can be changed. Maybe things can, somehow, be made right.
Zemo, perhaps without acknowledging it outright, wants Bucky to prove him wrong. Part of him, despite his insistence otherwise, wants Bucky to show him that he isn't the Winter Soldier. And although he seems surprised when Bucky drops the bullets, he went into the meeting not expecting Bucky to have a gun--he didn't expect Bucky to kill him. Some part of him already believed that Bucky wasn't the Winter Soldier. To see this, all we have to do is look at what he says to Bucky.
Zemo tells Bucky, "I took the liberty of crossing off my name in your book." Later in the episode, Sam tells Bucky that Bucky's been "stopping the bad guys he enabled as the Winter Soldier" and calling that making amends because it makes him feel better, so initially the audience might think that Zemo crossed his name out because he knew Bucky would stop him. And that's part of it, but not the whole thing.
Zemo's next sentence is the key to the whole scene. He looks at Bucky and he says, "I hold no grudges for what you thought you had to do." He explicitly forgives Bucky, and in doing so, supports the true purpose of Bucky's list: to give closure to those Bucky has harmed.
And maybe that seems backward, that Zemo would forgive Bucky--after all, wasn't it Zemo that tortured Bucky? What does Zemo have to forgive him for? Well, let's consider Zemo's philosophy, namely, that all super soldiers are evil, dangerous, and cannot be trusted. In a way, Bucky's mere existence (in Zemo's mind) would have been damaging. And Bucky's actions as the Winter Soldier would be the ultimate proof of Zemo's point. It would be easy for Zemo to take that and run with it, claiming that the Winter Soldier's atrocities were a natural consequence of the serum, that it was a given that couldn't have been avoided, and that Bucky himself was nothing but a threat--that he was someone damaging by nature.
Additionally, Zemo's name was written in Bucky's book, something that Zemo describes (and Sam also confirms) is a book of people that Bucky wronged as the Winter Soldier. Whether or not Zemo was actually harmed by Bucky's actions, Bucky clearly thought that he needed to make amends--and this is despite the fact that Zemo was already in prison. That means that for Bucky, Zemo's name wasn't about getting justice, like some of the others were. It was about Step 3: telling Zemo, proving to him, that Bucky wasn't the Winter Soldier anymore. Getting Zemo to acknowledge that, and in that acknowledgment, getting forgiveness.
And that's exactly what Zemo does. Let's look again at what Zemo says to Bucky: "I hold no grudges for what you thought you had to do." Zemo is saying he doesn't hold the actions of the Winter Soldier against Bucky, because he now can acknowledge that it wasn't his instinct to do those things, as Zemo has always wanted to believe. Zemo says Bucky "thought he had to," and that language shows that Zemo knows it wasn't something Bucky wanted or could have walked away from. The Winter Soldier wasn't someone the serum made him into, since the serum can only bring out more of yourself; instead, the Winter Soldier was tortured into existence. That means that Bucky was never truly the Winter Soldier. Zemo can see that now.
Zemo crossed his name off because Bucky proved him wrong. And that is more than forgiveness for Bucky, as was the purpose of the list; that is, in its own way, Zemo's apology to Bucky. In acknowledging that he was wrong, Zemo finally acknowledges James Buchanan Barnes.
And by allowing Zemo to do this--to cross his name off in a book Bucky told him never to touch--Bucky accepts his apology. He forgives Zemo.
And, finally, he forgives himself.
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azucanela · 3 years
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chapter ii
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pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader
warnings: cursing. mentions of a bomb.
word count: 3k
summary: the internet is enamored with the idea of y/n l/n and bakugou katsuki, two renowned pro heroes, dating. the first issue? the pair rarely interacts. the second issue? apparently, they hate each other, not that anyone knows about that bit. of course, after one night of many mistakes, the whole world knows.
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series masterlist
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THE MEETING WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL. AT ALL. Or at least, that’s how it seemed in Y/N’s eyes. Seeing as the only thing that had come out of it was… spending more time with Bakugou. Which was the opposite of what she wanted to do at the moment seeing as she despised him. Y/N actually had a feeling that any further interactions with Bakugou would only end in more chaos. So, Y/N decided she would set to work, as she would any other day. 
Ignore the problem until it goes away, right?
Slipping on her hero costume feels like a chore, pulling the gloves of her suit on with a grimace. They only served as a reminder of her inability to fully control her ability— though Y/N was known as someone with some of the most impressive quirk control. There was always that underlying feeling, of course that feeling never belonged to her. It had always been hard, shutting out the emotions of others, Y/N had found that those who feel the most strongly were the ones she would avoid.
Clearly she had failed.
Regardless, those emotions tended to be distracting as she went about her day. Y/N had learnt to ignore them, to block them out for periods of time, but in a career like hers it was unavoidable. The pain, the rage, the panic, the pure feeling of fear. It could get overwhelming and that often put her at a disadvantage. Emotions were viewed as a weakness, and oftentimes allowing your emotions to get the best of you resulted in unnecessary deaths. But allowing the emotions of others to do so? 
It got even worse when she actually activated her quirk to its fullest extent.  With a single touch, she could utilize the abilities of a person— all their abilities. When it came to quirks, if you controlled your quirk well, so could she. Otherwise, she would adapt the skills of a person, their intelligence, their athleticism, even their hobbies. Y/N could even the fact that she’d made it through UA to this ability. After all, she’d never been athletic, but her classmates had been. 
But her setback had always been a pain, especially in battle, Y/N felt the pain of whoever’s quirk she mimicked. If they were shot, Y/N felt it as if she had been shot as well. She’d never experienced someone dying on her. Nor did she want to. But Y/N was capable of holding as many quirks and capabilities as she could handle— and pain added up very quickly. 
It had been worse when she was younger, but Y/N had grown during her time at UA, and now she was capable of ignoring the emotions of others to an extent, and her pain tolerance had grown exponentially. 
Y/N was grateful for her success, for the agency she’d been working at. She was not grateful for the looks she got on the way there, Y/N could feel the whispers of those who watched her enter as they walked past. Though she could only hope her own staff had more respect for her. 
Her lips pressed together into a tight lipped smile as she entered, and Y/N found herself bracing for whatever could greet her. And to her delight, it appeared that everything was normal. Save for Lorelai’s presence by the entrance, her phone in hand. As though she had known Y/N had entered, the girl in question looks up from her phone before Y/N even has the chance to speak.
“We need to go over our plan, Y/N.”
In response, Y/N waves her off, continuing down the corridor. She smiles to those who greet her, mumbling back to them as Lorelai follows her. “Actually, I need to plan my first patrol of the morning.” She says, looking back to her friend momentarily.
“Then I’ll plan. And my plan includes a real nice fake dating scheme, kinda like those movies.”
Almost instantly Y/N turns around, glaring at Lorelai— who simply offers her a smile in response, clearly pleased with herself as she begins to move alongside Y/N rather than behind her. Y/N had no doubt that they would plan a fake dating scheme if it came down to it, unless she got involved that is. “So?”
“Well, the fake dating scheme was an actual option but you clearly don't like that.” Lorelai mumbles out in response, now holding a tablet as she guides them into a room. “Aside from that, basic press events together,” Lorelai looks up from her tablet pointedly, “where you actually look like you’re enjoying yourself, should amend the situation easily enough.”
Y/N raised a brow, taking a step around the long meeting table where those who worked at Hawk’s agency would soon congregate for their weekly assignments, “a little too easy if you ask me.” She looks to Lorelai, “Bakugou agreed to this?”
“I’m sure his PR team will convince him.” Came her response, shrugging as she took a seat on the table and crossed her legs. “We can do a public statement but there’s no real reason for making this a bigger thing than it already is. It would only end badly.” 
With a frown, Y/N’s eyes drift back towards the window. They’re still on the first floor so it’s not like she’s seeing much, but it’s almost astonishing, how there are people just… going about their days without a single fear in the world. All Might’s downfall had eradicated the mindset but on days like these it felt as though not a single thing had changed. As though there weren’t still dozens of underground organizations planning horrid things, and there weren’t hero agencies like her own devising ways to stop them.
Hero Society was a fragile, and corrupt thing. 
Y/N had watched as they threw children into every battle, she remembered when she’d been forced to do such things herself. She had watched her comrades, her friends, nearly die for a cause they were too young to comprehend. And she watched as civilians criticized them for not doing enough. Why did her publicity even matter? Shouldn’t that be the least of her concerns? Y/N found it funny that she needed to do well in polls to do her job well. It was the only real way to guarantee access to certain information that low ranked heroes didn’t get. 
With a sigh,Y/N turns back, brows furrowed, “so when does this start?”
Placing the tablet beside her on the table, Lorelai rests her palms against it and leans back against them, “next week probably. Haru still needs to work out the details with the rest of the PR team and Bakugou.” 
A small laugh escapes Y/N as she mumbles out, “it takes a whole team to keep that man from ruining himself.”
“Most Pro Heroes have a PR team, Y/N. You’re one of few exceptions.” Lorelai corrects, looking to her. It was true, Y/N was aware that more popular heroes often had teams of people coordinating their social media, schedules, public outings, and more. 
Y/N tilts her head at Lorelai, “why is that?” 
Lorelai raises a brow at her friend’s words, “what, you want to get rid of me?”
Y/N laughs once more, shaking her head, “no… it’s just—” She turns to face her friend, “when I hired you I couldn’t really afford anyone else. Now I can. But you do all the work by yourself.” Biting her lip, Y/N asks, “why is that? I could get you an assistant or something, easily.”
“Well you aren’t exactly the most problematic,” Lorelai responds, offering her a small smile.
Nodding, Y/N pulls out a chair at the head of the table, taking a seat, “but you also have plenty of other clients—”
The door opens, drawing their attention to the person who stands there, one of many heroes who worked at the agency., Pro Hero Telen, a simple hero name with an equally simple quirk. But his ability had saved them numerous times in battle. He pauses as he enters, “is it— is it not time for the briefing? Have I interrupted something? I apologize I can—” 
He moves to shut the door but Lorelai simply hops off the table, collecting her tablet as she heads to the door and rests a hand on his shoulder, “don’t worry— we’re done here, right Y/N?” Y/N simply nods, and Lorelai offers her a smile, “be careful today.” She mumbles out, before turning back to Telen. Y/N doesn’t know what she says, but he pales and nods before entering. Shortly after, everyone else seems to file inside, and Y/N finds herself sighing as she spins around in her chair as she waits. 
It would be a long day. A very, very, long day. 
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BAKUGOU WAS TIRED. He really was. Working at Endeavor’s Agency meant long hours, endless paperwork, constant cases. And right now he was assigned to the current big thing; the Stain copycat that had yet to be caught. Unfortunately, this guy didn’t seem to be an amateur like the rest. Of course, whoever it was, they’d primarily been attacking minor Pro Heroes, until recently. 
Slowly working their way up the food chain of heroes until they ended up coming across someone who was relevant. It was inevitable, at one point whoever it was, they’d bite more than they can chew. Trying to take on a hero that surpassed their skills, whatever those skills may be— or they would slip up. Leaving behind some sort of evidence that would result in their capture. 
The only issue was, there was no telling where or when this would be. How many would have to die before they were caught? Bakugou didn’t necessarily want to know, and it was his job to make sure no one ever knew how many. 
A job he was failing. Alongside Deku, who had also been assigned to the case, it was a curious partnership but he had no choice to make it work. And his publicist had insisted that any presence with a hero like him would be good publicity. After all, most of the public knew about their little rivalry so it would make him seem diplomatic in a way. But Deku was…
“So… the gala, huh.”
Well, he was Deku.
“Shut up.” 
Thankfully, they hadn’t run into any reporters, though he was sure someone had caught pictures of them on duty together. Which was bound to end either ridiculously well for him, or incredibly poorly. It was always hit or miss with the press and Bakugou despised the entire aspect of the job. It was the one thing he could admit he was bad at. He wasn’t the most approachable, meaning it was rare for reporters to approach him in the first place due to his renowned temper.
The pair was making their way through the streets of the city, patrol was normal but they were currently on their way to the police station. They were supposed to be collaborating with the police to handle this copycat, and for some reason Deku was… panicked. It was subtle but the guy had been practically sweating bullets since Endeavor told them they’d need to work with the police. 
If Bakugou was honest this whole job was busy work. Why else would Endeavor’s agency be working on it? The Number One hero had to have better things to do. Maybe this was a punishment for what happened on the last mission they went on.
Bakugou frowns at the thought, electing to push those thoughts to the back of his mind as they come to stand in front of the Police Station. He finds himself bringing a hand to rub his temple. It was definitely going to be a long day. And he hadn’t even spoken to Haru about how the meeting with Lorelai went yet. Not that he wanted to know at this point, Bakugou had a feeling he wouldn’t be satisfied with any solution they proposed.
He really didn’t feel like dealing with any of this. So, Bakugou finds himself thinking that it might be time to use all those vacation days he’d been holding onto since he’d started working with Endeavor. They were piling up after all.
With a huff, he and Deku make their way up the steps up the police station, and Bakugou pushes the door open. It’s busy inside, as expected. A bustling atmosphere that reeks of blood, sweat, and tears, literally. There are some people seated, likely waiting to be processed, they’re handcuffed and Bakugou is fairly sure he recognizes one of them. Not that he has the time to dwell on it as they move through the police station.
One of the officers makes their way towards them, “you’re the heroes Endeavor’s agency sent?” He asks, looking to Deku, brow raised. “Welcome back.” 
Bakugou looks at Izuku incredulously as they begin to follow the man through the mess of a building, “the hell is that supposed to mean?” He hisses, but Izuku’s face has already flushed as he covers it with his hands, shaking his head.
“It was one time, how do all of you know about it!” Izuku cried out, and Bakugou finds himself glaring at his partner for the day, even without context.
The officer simply laughs, waving him off as they make their way into a room. There stands the police chief, Kenji Tsuragamae, and a few others seated at some of the many seats in the room, in front of white board that seems to be more of a mess than those around them. They look tired, exhausted even. 
Tsuragamae seems to notice their presence, clapping to garner the attention of the few inside the room, “everyone, please welcome the Pro Heroes from Endeavor’s agency. They’ll be assisting us with this case moving forwards.”
The officers seem rather unimpressed, and since Izuku still seems rather embarrassed for some reason, Bakugou finds himself stepping forwards, “what’s going on?”
With a sigh, he goes to answer. But he doesn’t get the chance as an explosion sounds and the building shakes. A siren goes off above them and suddenly the sprinklers began shooting out water as a woman entered, “sir! There’s been an explosion.”
Bakugou fights the urge to say, no shit, as he and Izuku exchange looks, “is it an attack?”
“On the police? That’s bold.” The officer from earlier comments as they all rise from their seats. But the fear in the room is abundantly evident as they all await her response, anticipation amongst them all. Because who would do such a thing, and so strategically placed on the day
The woman only shakes her head, and this time a man appears beside her, based on the way he’s dressed— Bakugou would have to guess he’s a plumber of some sort, but the man simply explains, “we think it’s an issue with the boiler room.” 
Bakugou finds himself rolling his eyes, “then why are you still here?” He turns to the rest of the room, “get on with the briefing and get the damn plumber down there.” He grumbles out, before taking a seat once more and redirecting his attention back to the chief, gesturing for him to carry on with his presentation. All the while Izuku is apologizing rather profusely for his attitude.
Now, crime had worsened exponentially after All Might’s downfall. It’s not that other heroes were suddenly less capable, although some were discouraged by the fall of the greatest hero. It’s just that All Might was a symbol. Even years after the fact, Bakugou could still see it. Things had changed. Although in recent times, crime had lessened thanks to the work of today’s Pro Heroes, there were still… issues.
Many had gone the vigilante route as a result of the League of Villains and Stain— and speaking of Stain, there had been several copycats over the years, people who agreed with his ideals and his actions. Which is what brought them here. The issue at hand was this most recent copycat was… decent. Most of the time it was amateurs who didn’t plan that far ahead, quick and easy to catch with minimal casualties, if any. 
Essentially, the police had nothing on him. Just a list of his victims and what they had in common. They were underground heroes, like that of his own teacher from UA, but something about them seemed off, different from what they’d seen in other copycats in the past. They weren’t like the flashy heroes you would find, the ones who seemed… fake. The ones most targeted because they fit Stain’s idea of a false hero.
And even then, there was no being sure which were the victims of this copycat and which were that of others. As the anniversary of Stain’s capture grew closer, more attacks were popping up. 
Shaking away these thoughts, Bakugou grimaces. All he had gotten from that briefing was that they knew nothing, had done nothing, and were going nowhere. Which wasn’t necessarily encouraging. So far, there were four confirmed victims of the copycat, and three additional deaths that were viewed as possible victims of the copycat. Technically, one of the copycats, but that wasn’t something he necessarily wanted to think about. 
Yeah, he would definitely be taking those vacation days.
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summerlovingbaby · 3 years
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tfatws Not My Captain P1
“ I don’t know Sam maybe this is the wrong address.” Bucky said knocking on the door once more. “ We should just leave, and think of something else.” Bucky said looking for any reason to leave.
“ She’s probably just not home, lets just wait a few minutes.” Sam responded.
A few seconds later a motorcycle that was speeding down the street, came to a halt in front of the house. A woman stepped off the bike, and took of a helmet, 2 long sweeping braids fall out of the helmet and landed on her back. She balance the bike helmet on the handlebars. 
She took off her sunglasses and tucked them in her shirt. She started walking up the sidewalk , and started fishing around the back pocket of her jeans for keys .She was the spitting image of her father, they had the same eyes, and the same brown hair though hers was way longer than his . Y/N Stark. Shew was a few feet away from the porch, she saw them.
“ What are you doing here?” Y/N asked.
“ It’s kind of a long story. ”Bucky said scratching his head.
Y/N pushed past the pair, and shoved the key in the keyhole. She forced open the door so forcefully that it swung open wide. At the door was waiting a few dogs and a cat. She walked through the cavalcade of 4 legged animals and bent down and pet one of them. She walked in her house and fought the urge to slam the door behind her.
“ Are you going to come in?” She asked without looking at them
They followed her into the house and trailed her through the kitchen. They scurried to the kitchen and sat down at the table , and sat down at the kitchen table. Their bags placed next to them. She disappeared to the living room and threw her backpack on the couch. Bucky and Sam could hear her loud sigh from the kitchen.  When she came back in Bucky and Sam really got to look at her, she looked not great. 
Instead of joining them at the kitchen table, she scurried about  the kitchen doing things. She pulled out baking pans and flour from her pantry, After a few awkward moments she finally spoke.
“Are you here about Wanda?” Y/N asked bluntly, she sounded asperated.
“ Wanda?” Sam questioned. “ What happened with Wanda?”
“ Nothing... never mind.” Y/N said shaking her head slightly.
“ Pepper called me, she’s worried about you.” Sam said.
" Why would she be worried?” Y/N asked, she was now measuring ingredients.
“ She’s been sending you checks every other weeks, says you haven’t been cashing them.” Sam said using the voice he always used when he was talking to veterans. Y/N continued to busy herself about the kitchen, she only shrugged in response. “ Says you haven’t touched her trust fund either.” Sam started digging through his bag. “ She also called me in hysterics, said you were in the hospital. Twice.” This caused Y/N’s eyes to grow wide. She took a shaky breath. Sam placed two files on the kitchen table.
“ Twice?” Bucky questioned. His eyes darted to Y/N and he was suddenly scanning her. He took notice of the brace of the wrist and ankle. He started to reach for the file, but Y/N snatched it before he could grab it.
“ How did she find out?” Y/N asked, she stopped what she was doing, and looked defeated.
“ She’s still you’re emergency contact, are you okay?” Sam said.
Y/N discarded the files on the kitchen counter. She started mixing ingredients, she took a weary breath and she closed her eyes for a bit.
“ Did you read it?” She asked.
“ No.” Sam said looking at her with empathy. “ I’m asking you again... are you okay?”
Bucky looked at Y/N with confused wide eyes it was clear that he was missing something.
“ I’m fine... tell Pepper I’m fine.” Y/N said through baited and harsh breaths.
“ Okay. I’ll tell her.” Sam responded.
“ How is Pepper and Morgan?” Y/N asked.
“ There doing okay, would be better if they had you.” Sam said.
“ I’ll call, I will, I promise.” Y/N said giving Sam a trustful nod.
“ Okay. I’ll tell them that you’re okay.” Sam said nodded back.
“ Thanks. Now why are you really here?” Y/N asked.
“ We need help.” Bucky said, his eyes were darting around the room.
“ With?” Y/N asked her eyes were drier now.
“ It’s complicated.” Sam said looking at the ground.
“ Is it because you gave up the shield?” Y/N asked, still mixing the batter.
“ How did you know about that?” Sam said defensive.
“ I saw it on the news. I don’t live under a rock. Giving it up  was a mistake Sam.” Y/N said, she said placing the cupcakes in the oven.
“ I didn’t realize that at the time.” Sam said, his eyes darted to the floor.
“ Steve gave it to you for a reason, if he wanted the government to have it, he would have gave it to them.” Y/N said.
“ I’m aware of that fact.” Sam said, he sounded less ashamed and more angry.
“ That shield meant a lot of things to a lot of people, including Tony.” Y/N said she just sounded so tired.
“ You’re one to talk, you didn’t even come to Tony’s funeral.” Sam said standing up, and pounding his fist on the table.
“ You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to come into my house and give me crap, especially after you gave up the shield.” Y/N said slamming her hands on the table.
“ You don’t now anything about that.”
“ Oh I know plenty.” Y/N said through her teeth.
“ Clearly not enough.” Sam said, his voice raised.
“ I know enough to know that giving up that shield was a mistake. Steve made mistakes, but you two were not one of them.” She said pointing at the two men.
“ You didn’t even know Steve-” Bucky interjected.
“ I knew Steve. You were gone for 5 years. He was my friend.” Y/n said raising her voice.
“ I’ve known Steve my whole life, you’ve known him for 5 minutes, he made plenty of mistakes.” Bucky said, now everybody was standing.
“ I never said he didn’t make any mistakes, I said that you two weren’t one of them.” Y/N said, her brows were furrowed and she was speaking through her teeth.
“ You don’t  know anything about me.” Bucky said.
“ Oh.. don’t tell me you’ve forgotten. I know plenty.” Y/N said through a snarky smile that made Bucky take a step back.
Y/N awoke to a soft knocking on her door, she checked the clock on the wall, and was surprised to see that it was 3am. She begrudgingly got out of bed and limped through the hallway and to the door. She looked through the peephole to see Sargent Barnes on her doorstep with flowers. She opened the door.
“ Sargent Barnes, what are you doing here? Y/N asked leaning on the doorframe for support.
“ Sorry if it’s a bad time.” He responded, his hair looked moist and he looked upset.
“ It’s 3am Sargent.”
“ I’m sorry... I probably should have waited til’ morning.” Bucky said brushing his fingers through his hair.
“ It’s fine... sleep is for losers anyway.” Y/N said laughing at her on joke. “ Did you need something?”
“ My therapist wants me to make amends.” Bucky said. Y/N nodded confused.
“ And that involves me how?”
“ I never got to apologize to Tony, and I realized that I owe you an apology too.”
“ Why do you owe me an apology?”
“ I’m sorry for killing your grandpa...and trying to kill Tony.”
“ It’s okay.”
“ It isn’t okay.” Bucky’s eyes started to well into tears.
“ I forgive you.” Y/N said. Bucky’s eyes went wide, and a few tears streamed from his face. He tried to stifle a sob, but ended up collapsing onto Y/N in a fit of tear. That was the first time that somebody that he hurt forgave him. Not pardoned him, or excused his actions or blamed the “ Winter Solider”. But actually forgave him.
“ Why did we even come here?” Bucky said, slamming back down to the floor.
“ You came here because you need help and you turned down Walker, and you’re starting to think that was a mistake.” Y/N said her beginning to calm down as well.
“ John Walker?” Sam said throwing a glance at Bucky
“ Yes ,John Walker. Is there another Walker that would be relevant right now?”
“ How do you know Walker?” Bucky asked
“ He came here.”Y/N responded casually.
“ He came here? When?” Sam pressed.
“ A while ago, why?” Y/N asked.
“What did he want?” Bucky pressed.
“ Help. Cause he’s in over his head, just like you are.” Y/N said pointing at Bucky and Sam.
“ Did you tell him anything?” Sam asked rolling his eyes.
“ About the Flag Smashers? No.”
“ How do you know about the Flag Smashers?” Bucky asked
“Have you met me?” Y/N replied with a chuckle.
“ What did you find out?” Sam asked.
“ There a group of vigilantes, want a world without borders, where everyone has access to basic resources and stuff. The leader is a girl named Sin, she was displaced by the blip. They haven’t killed anybody, but the pattern could only escalate.”
“ That’s what were afraid of.” Bucky said.
“ Are you in?” Sam asked.
“ Its what Steve would do.” Bucky said.
“ I’m very well aware of what Steve would do. And I’m in. You can spend the night  tonight, and we’ll come up with a plan tomorrow.”
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