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neverlandparker · 5 years

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Far From Home, Far From You // [p.p] FFH SPOILERS***

Pairing: stark!reader x peter parker (i don’t specify if she’s related to Tony by blood so it’s completely up to you if you want her/you to be directly related or adopted!)

Word Count: 3.6 k

Warnings: contains ***FFH SPOILERS!*** angst, a few swear words, and mentions of death. (but as always, there’s the fluffy parts too don’t worry, I’m not that mean haha)

A/N: hey everyone! :) i’m back!! so I watched ffh twice and I loved it even moreeee the second time and I thought I just had to write something based off it. So here is my baby - it was a labor of love - (quoting tom here) i’m so proud of this fic & I hope you love it too! please please please rb and let me know your thoughts whether in the hashtags, comments, or send me an ask! as always, I appreciate every single one of you! thank you from the bottom of my heart!

ps credits!!! I used some of the quotes from the original script of ffh and made references to the book, “The Kissing Hand”. All credits go to ffh script writers and marvel studios & the author of “The Kissing Hand,” Audrey Penn!

- xoxo, Claire ❤

Summary: y/n and peter have been through a hell of a year together - wars, battles, and death - they’ve encountered it all. so when y/n suggests peter should go on that school trip to Europe with his classmates and it doesn’t go as planned, what happens next? also ft cuddly peter and the kissing hand!

...

Rain pattered softly against your bedroom window as you spent the dreary afternoon curled up against Peter’s body which was radiating warmth, cuddled together with a giant blanket on your bed - his arm thrown across your body, pulling you closer to his chest as you listened to the rapid but steady thump thump thump of his heartbeat. His legs were tangled up with yours and he was tracing patterns on your shoulder with one hand - his other was joined with yours in your connected hands - one of the many ways in which he displayed his endless amount of affection for you.

“I really do miss him” you murmured softly to yourself, sighing, looking out of the compound window, as you watched a countless number of rain droplets hit the window and slide downwards, the pitter-patter sound it made somewhat comforting.

And when Peter stirred, you were slightly startled. You had thought he had dozed off.

He groggily cracked one eye open, and after covering his yawn and rubbing his sleepy-dazed eyes, he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart would burst.

“I do too. I miss him too - so much.” more than you know.

“What if - “ he stopped chewing on his lip suddenly nervous, his gaze traveled down to his shirt, fingers finding the hem of it and twirling it around.

“What if -” but he stopped just as quickly as he had started.

“What if - what if something goes wrong...w-when I’m not here?” his voice trembled, insecurities getting the better of him, and he sighed, “I’m leaving, Y/N. I’m leaving for Europe in 2 days. I’m leaving - you...god - why did I think this was a good idea?” he buried his head in his hands, and after a few moments, he looked back up, “I-I just don’t think I want to save the world this summer. I know that makes me sound like such a jerk. But I really -” his voice cracked, “I just really need a break. I mean - with everything we’ve all been through, I kinda just wanted to get away. Just away, anywhere, any place, and I guess at that time, Europe seemed to be a good idea. But -” he took a deep breath, “But - but now things are….different. What if something goes wrong or someone gets hurt when I’m not here? What about you - ” he was about to keep rambling on, stuttering, reverting back to his old nervous habits, but you quickly sat up and rubbed your hands comfortingly across his shoulders.

“Pete. Peter. Look at me. You’re not a jerk for wanting a normal life. I mean - heck - my dad -” a sad smile broke out across your features, “he - he - warned me about this - about the Avenging lifestyle -” you gave a soft chuckle, “Nothing is going to go wrong here, okay? We’ve got it under control. And in the rare case we don’t, we always have backup. It’ll be alright - I promise. With everything that has happened - “ you paused and sighed running your hands through your hair, “I think you deserve a break - you really do. Go have fun in Europe with your friends. It’ll be fun. You’ll be far from home and far from….me...and I’ll miss you - a lot. But you know…..I think….I think it’ll be good - for you.”

He gave you a little nod, head still hung low.

You brought your hands to cup his chin, bringing him to look at you.

“Hey hey hey - Peter - Pete, please don’t worry about me, ’kay? I’ll be alright. I’m always here if you need me. Just one call away.” You pointed to your phone, and paused for a second and then swallowed to continue, “Uh - I want to share this with you - uh,” your voice started wavering again, and you swallowed, “this is something my d-dad - Tony - and I used to do before he went out on his missions.”

...

“Daddy!!!!!!!”

You charged towards him, still half-asleep, morning bed head intact, dragging your blanket behind you, as you made your way down the stairs, two at a time and ran towards where you saw him by the door.

“Y/N! Sweetheart! What are you doing up?”

He turned around and immediately bent down to wrap you - his adorable five year old daughter - in a giant hug.

Then he heard it.

He heard your sniffling.

“Hon - you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Are - a-are you l-leaving?” you managed to get out between sniffles.

You had hoped he was only busy around the house in the morning but when you saw him by the door, you had panicked and bolted down the stairs to him.

He sighed.

Anthony “Tony” Edward Stark liked being Iron Man. He really did. It made him feel powerful, unstoppable, and able to defend himself and the people he loved. It was like his own way of righting his past sins and faults.

But the part he hated?

He hated leaving you.

His sweetest little girl - he loved you so much and it killed him to leave your side - even if it was only for a day.

So knowing some lines from the book - The Kissing Hand - that he had just read to you by your bedside last night, he sighed.

“Y/N sweets, I’m - I’m really sorry but daddy’s going to be leaving for a while...but I’ll come back sooner than you know it - okay? Always. Time is going to go by so fast, you’ll never even notice I’m gone.”

You let out a little laugh between your sniffles and he smiled a bit.

He took your little hand in his and turned the palm side up and placed a gentle kiss in the center.

“Daddy is going to teach you a trick to help remember me okay? Just do this when I’m not around and you’ll feel me be with you okay? I’m always with you even when I’m far away. Always with you... right….here.” he poked your chest and you giggled.

“Hey! I’m ticklish!”

“Whenever you feel alone, anxious, hurt, or far from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think of me. Sometimes and someday, you’ll be far from me, and when that day comes sweets, you will remember me, okay?”

You pressed your hand to your cheek and closed your eyes.

“I love you 3000 daddy”

“I love you more munchkin.”

…

“So Peter...whenever you feel alone, anxious, hurt, far from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think of me. And when you’ll be far from me, when that day comes, you’ll remember me.”

You kissed the palm of Peter’s hand and brought it up to his cheek. He leaned into your touch as he sighed, bringing his hand up to cheek, putting it on top of yours.

He loved the feeling of your hand in his.

He smiled, and tilted his head to place a quick peck on your hand that was cupping his around his cheek as you giggled.

“Now you’ll have something to remember me by too.” he smiled.

“Always.” you said softly as you brought your hand - still warm from Peter’s touch - to your cheek, letting your eyes drift shut, as you felt an uncontrollable smile tug at your lips.

...

Peter limped towards the descending jet in the tulip fields, the force of the powerful engine jets sending colorful petals of flowers flying wildly about in all directions. Normally, he would have taken this moment to admire the way the flowers swayed and billowed against the wind, taking note that it was a lovely sight that he would want to someday share with you - his pretty girl.

He shook his head, blinking back tears that threatened to spill.

How could he have trusted him?

How could he have been this stupid?

And when the door of the private jet flew open and he saw Happy’s concerned face as he met his gaze. He felt his whole being tense up. His first instinct was to run toward him - so fucking glad there was someone who he really knew. Who he trusted.

But to trust his senses?

Honestly he didn’t know if he could even trust himself right now.

Not anymore.

Looking at the man who so much reminded him of his mentor, he felt suffocated, heartbeat pumping all to fast, senses dialed to eleven, every single hair on his body stood on end. And worst of all, he felt like there was a hand around his heart, squeezing, squeezing, squeezing until it became near impossible to bear anymore.

His regrets weighed down upon him and by the time he realized that happy was calling out to him across the field, he shook his head to clear the feeling and made his way over but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you.

You.

You came.

And Peter - god - Peter wanted nothing more than to run into your arms. To be able to feel your comfort again, to embrace you in a big hug, to press kisses to your forehead and nose, and be able to tell you that was everything was alright, but how could he when he had messed up so so bad?

Especially not before…not before making 110% sure it wasn’t another trap - wasn’t another one of Mysterio's sinister plans.

He couldn’t bear to see you hurt or taken from him. It was his worst fear.

Were you real?

Was this real?

What was real?

He didn’t think he knew what real was anymore.

Not after that.

Not after what Mysterio had shown him what he had. The illusion he had been so naive to so easily fall into would continue to haunt the rest of life, an unforgettable memory in the worst possibly imagined way. He had been shown being attacked by clones of himself, being trapped inside a snowglobe with no way to escape, and ….. god - Tony - Tony Stark, crawling out of his grave, with iron suit and all, and Mysterio told him that if only he had been good enough, Tony would still be here.

He would still be here... if only he had been good enough.

Those same words rang in his head again, taunting him, as he screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head from side to side, desperately willing, begging, pleading it to go away.

Upon making eye contact with Peter as you scanned the field, you felt relieved, but choked up when you saw the condition he was in. Covered in dirt, grime and blood, his face was severely battered, nose and jawline littered with bruises, cuts, and open wounds. You clasped a hand over your mouth, stifling a sob as you pushed past Happy and ran full force towards him.

However, when you reached just within arms reach, just as you were about to engulf him in a tight hug, his eyes widened and he took several large retreating steps back, eyes darting between you and Happy as if he didn’t recognize you more than mere strangers. You felt a dagger of pain straight to your heart as you realized the shaken and vulnerable state he was in.

What the hell did this guy do to him?

“Please -” Peter pleads, “Prove to me you’re real. Tell me something only you would know.”

You and Happy share a look, both knowing things you don’t want the other to know but you currently didn’t have much of a choice. You decide to go first.

“Remember the kissing hand?” you say in a gentle tone and you can see Peter’s expression relax and soften as he met your gaze.

Whenever you feel alone, anxious, hurt, or far from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think of me. And when you’ll be far from me, when that day comes, you will remember me.

You’re real. You’re real. You’re REAL.

“Remember when we went to Germany? You paid per view a video in your room. They didn’t list the titles but I could tell by the price it was an adult film at the front desk. And you know how I knew –”

“Okay okay fine! It’s you, it’s you, stop!” Peter yells as you stare between Happy and Peter, confused.

“You’re real!” he lets out in an exhausted sigh and hurriedly limps over.

And he finally lets himself fall into you, fall into your embrace, let himself be surrounded by the comforting scent of your shampoo.

His eyes turn teary as he flexes his arms, bringing you even closer, both arms wrapped securely around you so tightly.

You were aware of his super strength had the ability to do some serious damage but he was always the most utmost gentle with you, treating you with so much care you thought you would sometimes just melt in his hands.

But right now, he needed to. make. sure. To make sure. To make sure the an illusion could not possibly recreate you. Recreate this. He needed to know that you were real. And that you were.

You’re real. Not fake. No illusions. Real. Real. REAL.

No depth of any illusion could make you - well, you. Truly you.

He had realized it was so different being not only so far from home, but so far from you. You were his home and nothing - nothing - could ever recreate that.

With that, as if realizing that his grip was almost suffocating, he quickly loosened his grip, mumbling a “so sorry,” not quite letting go, but not as tight as he had been squeezing you in the crushing hug as he had before.

…

Once Peter got on the jet, he almost sagged with relief. You and Happy immediately got to work, tracking coordinates - anything, to locate Mysterio as well as sitting Peter down and cleaning up his wounds. He sucked in a sharp breath as you unzipped his suit, only then truly realizing the extent of his injuries. He was thankful for your gentle touch as you successfully managed to bandage up his ribs and tended to his wounds with a few grunts and low curses as he mentioned he was hit by a train. It made your heart shatter, seeing him in this broken state, so battered and crestfallen. Happy took over with stitching Peter’s several back injuries up as you came to sit in front of him, silently observing him, heart aching at the sight.

He always tries to do the right thing and that’s what mattered...why did it always have to be him?

He gives so much and gets back so little. He is too good for this world. In fact, he deserves the world. Heck, the world doesn’t even deserve him.

You snapped out of your thoughts, hearing Peter’s distressed grunts as you looked up seeing that Happy was still in the process of stitching him up.

“Just relax.” Happy says, his brows pinched, trying to concentrate on the stitches.

“Don’t tell me to relax!” Peter snaps, reaching his breaking point, his voice filled with angst before he stood up, “How can I relax when I messed up so bad? I trusted Beck, right? I thought he was my friend, so I gave him the only thing that Mr. Stark left behind for me, and now he’s going to kill my friends and half of Europe. So please - do not tell me to relax!”

“I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have shouted…” he takes a shaky inhale, “I’m sorry - I’m s-sorry I didn’t mean to” he sighs, “I didn’t mean to yell.” he sighs, hanging his head, defeated, “I just - I just really miss him. Everywhere I go I see his face. And the whole world is asking who is going to be the next Iron Man? I don’t know if that’s me, Happy. I’m not Iron Man.”

“You’re not Iron Man. You’re never going to be Iron Man. Nobody could live up to Tony. Not even Tony. Tony was my best friend, and he was a mess. He second-guessed everything he did. He was all over the place. The one thing that he did that he didn’t second-guess was picking you. I don’t think Tony would’ve done what he did if he didn’t know that you were going to be here after he was gone.”

Peter pinched his nose, nodded, and placed his head in his hands.

“I just really miss him - and and-d nothing can ever bring him back.” his voice was barely above a hushed whisper, raw with emotion, and you felt the pulling of your heartstrings as your lip trembled and tears clouded your vision.

“I miss him too - everyday - so so much it hurts” and by that time you realized that tears were streaming down your cheeks, your knees were threatening to give out, “he’s never...oh god - he’s never coming back”

“Y/N….I - I don’t know what to say….I’m sorry - I’m s-so so sorry” and just like that,

Both you and Peter collided into each other gripping each other in a tight embrace willing for all the bad things to go away, sinking to the floor - the both of your bodies racked with sobs, chests heaving, crying over what was lost.

It felt as if it was only now, the full weight of your dad’s death hit you and it slapped you both in the face and hurt like no other. It hurt like hell.

For Peter, he had lost a mentor that was almost his second family, the only one who got his brilliant mind, genius jokes, and hero work, and you, a father, one whose connection with you ran so deeply it split your heart in two to witness the agony that was his death. And now Peter was in your arms, mere hours after being hit with a freaking train and barely hanging on, so so broken and you felt yourself being filled with despair. It felt like another knife had been driven straight into your heart. Straight through your very own soul.

“Y/N, everyone is telling me to step up to tell me to fit in his shoes but I …” his voice cracks, “I just can’t - I can’t” Peter buries his head in his hands again, eyes shut tightly, willing this to all be some kind of horrible awful nightmare. He takes a shaky exhale, “I can’t do this - I can’t be him”

“No Peter. Look at me,” you gently cupped his face in your hands, ”Listen. The world needs doesn’t need the next Iron Man. You know what it needs? It needs you. They need you. You’ll never be the next Iron Man - no one can - but it’s because you’re better than him. I think -” you had to stop yourself from letting out another choked sob, “- No, I know - I know for sure that h-he would be proud of you.”

You wiped away the tears that were now dripping rapidly down your cheeks,

“He would be so proud. So so proud” you whispered, voice trembling.

At last, the broken boy looked up, revealing his watery, red-rimmed eyes.

“How can I fix things when I already s-screwed them up so bad?”

“You fight.” you utter through trembling lips and watery eyes.

“How?” he breathed, his breath raged from crying.

“You get back up. Like you’ve done over and over again. Like you did against that mad titan and some of the most evil beings in the universe.”

After a moment of silence filled with sniffles, Peter looked up.

“Thank you” he said hoarsely.

A watery smile broke out across your features, your gaze on him loving as you fought back a sob.

You were so proud. So so proud of him.

“Kissing hand?” he prompted, with a look that said it all.

You just gave him a watery smile, nodded, and held out your hand, unable to open your mouth or make out words because you were afraid that if you did, you would end up in tears all over again.

He took your hand in his as he did your “kissing hand,” that you and Peter had come with a few days ago before he left - with him bringing your connected hands up to his cheek, looking at you with that heart-eyed gaze before tilting his jaw to give your hand a kiss.

Whenever you feel alone, anxious, hurt, or far from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think of me. And when you’ll be far from me, when that day comes, you will remember me.

He never failed to make butterflies erupt in your stomach, as a light blush dusted your cheeks, your gaze meeting his. You smiled - a lovey dopey smile - as you watched him suck in a deep breath,

“I’m going to kick his ass.”

And this time, he looked to you with a new gaze with fiery determination and the look he gave you conveyed everything you needed to know in that moment.

Your chest swelled with pride and admiration for him as you witnessed Peter Parker - the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man from Queens with a heart of gold get back up once again - facing the inevitable, but never once daring to back down from a challenge.

Whenever you feel far from home, just press your hand to your cheek and think of me. And when that day comes, when you’ll be far from home, far from me, you will remember me. I’ll always be with you - even when I’m not right there, right here, right now, by your side. I want you to know that I love you so so much. I love you 3000.

…

A/N: wow!! thank you thank you thank you for reading!! please! please let me know your thoughts - I love to hear them! I love you all, thank you for your endless support <3

tagging some wonderful people (as always, a huge thank you to YOU!❤): @acciopeter @akaspiderman @badhollandfluff @blackberrywidow @blushypetey @coffee-and-hollands @darlingtaurus @flowercrownparker @hawkinsholland @holland-peters @hollandsosterfield @h-osterfield @iloveyouironman @i-am-steve-rogerss @lavenderholland @lostinspidey @marveley @marvellousparkerpeter @marvelplease @marvelsswansong @mcuspidey @mysteryavengers @obsiidio @parkeret @parkerprotectionprogram @peterparklr @petersbackpack @peterstrainingwheels @playboyparker @plushparker @poetrypeter @rachramblesstuff @retroparkers @scarlettspidey @screamholland @sergeanttpoliteness @sparklyp-parker @spideypeach @spidey-caps @spxderbarnes @sunshinehollandd @thisbitchemptylove @thotsterfield @tomshufflepuff @twilightparker @uglypastels @underoos-shield @uwu-peter-parker-uwu @heavenllywrites

...

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mazarinedrake · 5 years

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So I recently got back into Warhammer 40k, and have been doing what I always do when I get interested in big, decades-old canons with mountains of lore...First I spend 36 hours straight on tv tropes and the fandom wikis, and then I inflict my insomnia-gained knowledge on my closest friends via discord.

Gallus: Guilliman is the Hades of the primarchs

Gallus: the only one who knows what he's doing and therefore VIOLENTLY boring until he decides to do something trollish to a deserving party

This inevitably turns out to be the BEST possible decision I could have made.

Drake: a lot about the Imperium could be summed up as "but y tho" "cause HASHTAG AESTHETICS!!!!!" and then someone declares Exterminatus on your planet

Gallus: Techpriest: Whatcha got there? Cherub: A kNiFe! Techpriest: NO!

Gallus: roubotte has had 'y tho' distilled into it's purest emotional form and produced to such excess from the imperial shenanigans that it's replaced his blood and he now runs on pure incredulity

Roubotte, Banging a pair of baking sheets together over Lion: WAKE UP MOTHER FUCKER i'M NOT DEALING WITH THEM ALL BY MYSELF.

Gallus: Im writing Roubotte and Lion as having like something approaching normal brother dynamics in spite of everything because it confuses the living shit out of everyone else

but them just Ye Ancient memes (T-Posing at each other for mock dominance) random bouts of cain instinct, resulting in one just. Slapping the shit out of the other with a holy reliquary or something, just for shits teaming up to back eachother up on random shit before going back to trying to nurple eachother

Lion, leaning over Roubotte: bothering roubotte just to annoy him

Roubotte; Go be a furry somewhere else.

some imperial carndinal or whatever in the room: ...go be a wHAT?

Drake: the Imperium Secundus is hilarious though

Roboute, Lion, and Sanguinius are in ultramar when they get a bunch of garbled messages that Horus has gone totally off his rocker and declared war against dad, everything's on fire and everyone's screaming, and then

they lose contact

with Terra

and get stuck on the wrong side of a huge warp storm

so Roboute decides that the only sensible thing to do in this situation is declare a new empire and make Sanguinius the Emperor

Gallus: ...In that scenario, assuming earth is gone is not unreasobable

Gallus: Drake

Drake being the emperor is MORE WORK

and he has so much already

also everyone already loves Sangria

from an admin standpoint this is AMAZING marketing that will save him many headaches later

Gallus: maybe they rock-paper-scissored for it and sanguinus lost

Drake: intentionally or not Lion is AUTISTIC AS HELL

Gallus: what I'm hearing tho is that Lion didn't trust himself to be Emperor and Roubotte didn't want to so they mutually bullied the most emotionally manipulatable sibling into it

Gallus: they're gonna steal Lion out of the monastery somehow

for some extremely stupid reason

possibly with the intent to Weekend At Bernies him for a bit

Until Lion actually wakes up while like

sitting at the breakfast table on The SpaceBoat Castle Fuck Mountain

it was the smell of bacon that got him

He's very confused also hungry

There's a Pigeon though they don't usually hang around danger

oh Dad there's the hangover

also: Roubotte and Lion causally referring to His Holiness The God Emperor as "Dad"

Drake: one of the first things Roboute did after waking up, in canon, was go to Terra and visit the throne room

nobody knows what happened in there but he emerged with new determination to fix all this bullshit

I mention this entirely so he can pull the "Dad said I'm in charge" card on Lion for petty bullshit

Gallus: Presumably he went in, saw the state of things, wne "FUUUUUUUUUCK" for like 2 hours then decided that since Sanguinus is dead HE has to be the respeonsible child now so GUESS IT'S UP TO HIM NOW

Lion: I want to listen to Space Celine Dion

Roboute: Well Dad said I'm in charge so we're listening to Space Kansas instead.

Gallus: [OC] has Chaotic Stepsibling Energy

Drake: But not Chaotic Chaotic because that would be bad

Gallus: troo

chaotic with the smol c

Drake: there we go

Drake: Chaos is why half the brothers are permanently uninvited from Family Game Night

yes that especially includes you Lorgar

you know what you did

Gallus: what did lorgar do

Drake: Everything.

Gallus: kinky

Drake: you know how some Christian rock music could be mistaken for gay love anthems if the names were changed?

Gallus: uh oh

Drake: now imagine if Jesus is standing right there on the stage and only likes you as a friend

Gallus: oh no

Drake: also he considers orbital bombardments a valid communication tool

Gallus: yeah this might inspire a mentally unbalanced superhuman do go do space murder heroin

Gallus: this whole thing reads like an unusally genocidical episode of Jerry Springer

#gallusrostromegalus #chat logs #warhammer 40k #primarchs #horus heresy

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nowhereiswhereibelong · 4 years

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73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

1 note · View note

starlight-parkers · 6 years

Text

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y a re y o u a t t a c k i n g m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS

You: T H A N K Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided, I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You: I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor: D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky: l e t h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

18K notes · View notes

roidespd-blog · 5 years

Text

Chapter Three : THE DESOLATION OF THE GRINDR USER

« Grindr is a sociopath nest », Anonymous

Grindr was launched on March 25, 2009. About a month or so earlier, I lost my virginity to the sweetest guy you could imagine. I met him on what we could consider one of Grindr’s ancestors, Gaypax— I still have that account, out of nostalgia. The design is so ugly I wonder now how I did spend so much time on it (we weren’t picky back then…) So Grindr was born at the exact time my sexual and romantic life was unfolding. It means that, except for the few years I’ve spent frenetically masturbating to La Redoute’s underwear catalogues and downloading dirty pictures of Brad Pitt naked with a very slow wifi, I’ve always been accustomed to gay apps.

Recently, the new and improved french magazine Tétu published an article called « Faut-il brûler Grindr?». Though not as detailed as I was hoping it would be, it did not changed my general opinion about the dating app paradigm.

FLASHBACK France, 1971. A young gay man living in a beautiful city called Paris. Mike Brant just released his first major hit, Rock’N’Roll is slowly dying and Les Bidasses en Folie is this year’s biggest success at the box office. Unfortunately for him, the Gay Rights Movement is just at its infancy, homosexuality is still considered a mental illness and sodomy is punishable by law. So he shut his mouth and do his dirty business privately. he spends time around Place de Clichy and finds very discreet bars that can welcome him without too much judgement. He takes long walks toward the Tuileries bushes and sucks a stranger’s dong without any verbal exchange. He ends up marrying that fine young Marie, daughter of a friend of his dad, makes a couple of kids and from time to time, goes back to those places, shameful of himself.

That was the life of a gay man in France. If he didn’t get killed along the way. CUT TO 2009. Grindr is the first official gay dating app launched around the world. In France, the ban on sodomy disappeared in 1981 and since 1992, you are no longer considered a crazy person for being attracted to a person of the same sex (well, not from an official medical point, anyway). The app came to fruition through a simple question asked by its creator, Joel Simkhai : « WHO ELSE IS GAY AROUND HERE? ».

By 2012, 4 million people were using the App. 27 million as of 2017. Tinder followed in 2012 — you are welcome, straight people. Then SCRUFF, GAYROMEO, HORNET, BLUED, … What is wrong, then ? You damn well know something is wrong.

SMARTPHONE, 21st CENTURY’S NEW BACKROOM

If you go to a bar, you have to talk to the bartender, exchange a least a fews words with strangers, even dance as your look around and are being seen by others in the flesh. If you go to a gaybar, the same thing happens. If you go to a gaybar then the gaybar’s backroomn, rules change.

As the dating apps was closing in on worldwide domination, it became clear that the natural human kindness and respect would ultimately have no effect on the way people would communicate with one another on Grindr. I’ve been working in a bookstore for the past four years, you see. I expect a “hello”, “goodbye” and a smile during any interactions with clients — from them and myself. So there’s nothing more annoying that someone coming up to you, barking what they want to and leaving without any civility whatsoever. The Grindr equivalent would be Step 1 : A DICK PICK (or ass pick. I once had a fisting commemorative photo sent to me) straight up. Step 2 : A terribly convenient “cc sava tu ch?” or a “cho?” Step 3A : If you are polite enough to answer something, a conclusive “tu reçoi” or “tu bouge” Step 3B : you did not answer a singe word and the guy either sends you a “????” or insults the shit out of you. I sometimes do not answer impolite clients at work. Guess what ? Bitches say hello if you stare down at them long enough. On the internet, never gonna happen.

I remember the first couple of times I went on Grindr. I tried to answer everyone, even a “no, thank you”. There was always some “Hello”s, “How are you?”s, a few “My name is”s. But as the years went by, gay men (as I mostly talk to gay or bisexual cis men on these apps, I can only give my opinion on that category of people) adopted a series of unofficial rules to talk to each other.

1. If we are on this app, we are ready to fuck. 2. We do not have time for small talk. 3. We do not need your name, but dick size and multiple nudes are welcome. A picture is worth a thousand blablablahs. 4. We need to be very precise about what we want, so as not to waste our precious time. 5. Seriously, give us a full diagnosis of your body shape through pics, boy. 6. Chems ? 9. There are no rule 7 & 8, because 6 & 9. Now, turn around.

There are also lots of personal rules users seem keen on sharing them publicly as to implement unofficial rule number 4.

NO FEMS, NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS

“Pretty chill guy here. Very open minded and friendly. I love men from different cultures. Just no Asians. Asians leave me alone. I’m not racist” “Don’t message me. I’ll message you :). No Blacks Asians or fems. Love it when fats call themselves masc. hahahaha.” “Tell me if top/btm. Don’t really believe in “vers”. […] Attracted to Latin & White (trying to sound PC)” “Chill masc sane… just described nobody on here… Over 35, Asian or fem = block.. haha” “99% of you are losers. I’m the top 1%. So prove yourself first” The last one was written by a white male, by the way. They all were.

In our modern society, we’re not fools enough to believe that racism disappeared and everyone is accepting of others. Just look at the whole series of events called “while Black” where white people called cops on black folks for getting out of their airbnbs, talking in a Starbucks without ordering or falling asleep in a communal room at college. Nevertheless, you don’t see parades of racists proudly marching with “NO BLACKS” signs on the streets — you see another type of marches, yes. Free speech and stuff, sure. So why has it become acceptable in people’s minds to shade light on their racism in their profiles, barely hiding behind the “sexual preference” bullshit excuse ?

In an article dated September 2018 called “Why is it OK for online dates to block whole ethnic groups?” (2), the Observer related the appalling anecdote of an elderly white man who responded to a Grindr user of asian descent : “Asian, ew gross”.

I myself was told that I was too fat, too small, too twinkish, then not enough of those, or too white (but so we’re clear : RESERVE RACISM IS NOT A THING. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A THING!).

Racism also works with the beliefs that if you look or act a certain way, you obviously are what someone’s fantasy is. You are a black man so I assume that my hole will expand by ten once you’re inside me. You a blond light weight with feminine traits. You’re a submissive bottom and a real whore.

The world works on assumptions (ex : the myth of the BIG BLACK DICK or the for-sure global instinct that Tom Hanks would never have to face any #MeToo accusations) and apps follow that same path but without any policing. The absence of ramifications from someone’s actions further implement a feeling of unapologetic mindfulness — the same way being in a dark backroom with strangers you can’t see does not seem to add any consequences to what you’ll do next.

Recently, Grindr tried to course correct its past errors by creating “Kindr” (3). Was it a new app that would prevent people from actively using hate speech ? WELL WHY DON’T YOU PREVENT IT ON GRINDR THEN ? Was it a new platform to exchange ideas and experiences so that we can find another way to communicate together ?

Here’s how they introduce Kindr on their official site : At Grindr, we’re into diversity (MONEY), inclusion, and users who treat each other with respect. We’re not into racism, bullying, or other forms of toxic behavior (YOU ARE THE TOXIC BEHAVIOR). These are our preferences, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to better reflect them. Same app. New rules (DID YOU THOUGH?) Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Their type. Their tastes. But nobody is entitled to tear someone else down because of their race, size, gender, HIV status, age, or — quite simply — being who they are. (AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT PUT YOUR BUSINESS IN A RISKY POSITION) Join us in building a kinder Grindr. (DO YOUR OWN DAMN WORK). Express yourself, but not at the expense of someone else (OR US). Report discrimination when you see it (LIKE WITH THE JEWS BACK THEN. ALSO, WE THE USERS, ALREADY DID THAT). Use your voice and share your story to call out prejudice and spark change. Together, we can amplify the conversation and take steps towards a kinder, more respectful community (SEE, WE AT GRINDR ARE WOKE).

There you have it. A marketing scam to ease the pain of millions of users whose relationships and self esteem were affected by Grindr’s lack of interest in their consumers. How many years did it take for a simple statement from the CEO ? What’s actually concrete about these actions ?

in the community guide lines, it is stated that they “will remove any discriminatory statements displayed on profiles. […] Profile language that is used to openly discriminate against other users’ traits and characteristics will not be tolerated and will be subject to review by our moderation team”. FINE. So, if someone says “no short fat asians”, theoretically it would be removed from the profile. But if it says “more into vanilla and spice than chocolate and rice. So hit me up if this is you” (an actual Grindr profile, by the way), what can a Grindr moderator do about it ? The racism is still there. Are we to believe that EVERY single profile is being reviewed in detail ?

#deletegrindr was a popular hashtag over a year ago. I’m not on twitter and I still heard about it. Was it a cultural shift in the way gay people wanted to treat other gay people ? Were we on the verge of a revolution ? Nop. Grindr released data informations of thousands and thousands of profiles about HIV status (something that you can put on your Grindr profile) to third party companies. Since then, Grindr released the Kindr initiative and rewrote its policies.

I’m not against dating apps. I think it was a wonderful tool back in the day to extend one’s horizon, explore and experiment with love, sex and adventures. It no longer works that way. I didn’t even talk about the spreading of drug using through profile description and the real danger of stimulants in someone’s sex life.

#deletegrindr should come back and this time, it has to work. Silicon Valley, go make an app from scratch. One that would implement actual kindness to the machine, not based on popularity. Think of what people need, not what they want. People are shitheads. I’m a shithead. What I want is never good for me.

And YOU. You, little queer boy reading this. Don’t go on Grindr before going to bed to check the hotties in your area. Forget about that 6'2 monster cock Swedish god that lives nearby and offered you a quick hump for the ride. Ask him for a drink, put down your phone, get to know him a little and then fuck his brains out. You’re still gonna fuck but you’ll find humanity where there was once none.

That’s my preaching for the night. I gave up long ago on apps. I delete them all and stay away for months. Then, I feel lonely and get back to one or two. I met this new guy that way (4).The nice thing about it was that we did not talk dick sizes, favorite positions or any sexual desires until way after we actually met (and we’re talking two full weeks of messages). I’m not on any dating apps now.

(1) https://tetu.com (2) https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/sep/29/wltm-colour-blind-dating-app-racial-discrimination-grindr-tinder-algorithm-racism (3) https://www.kindr.grindr.com (4) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Miller

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mimmerr · 4 years

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#FoldingPaperProject: Cal and Felix: Part XVII

The following text is part of the #FoldingPaperProject. The project, set up by Molly (www.mimmerr.co.uk) aims to spread productivity, creativity and fun amongst the world’s current bleak state.

It works like the folding paper game we played at school, where one person draws the head of a character, the next person the body and so on. Whereas, we’ll be continuing a story.

You don’t need to be an accomplished writer. You don’t even need to be any good! You just need to be able to continue the story in four- five hundred words and post it on your site. If you don’t have a site, I’ll put it on mine for you.

If you would like to get involved, contact Molly @mimmerr or at [email protected] If not, read on and share the story via the #FoldingPaperProject hashtag. Happy reading and writing!

Previous sections:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine

Part Ten

Part Eleven

Part Twelve

Part Thirteen

Part Fourteen

Part Fifteen

Part Sixteen

This section is by James Cook

Emboldened by raw emotion, Felix broached a subject he had buried away for the best part of half his life. Maybe it was his survival instinct kicking in, an imperative that drove him to this action, to this path, to ultimately risk the one person left in this world he would still consider family, trustworthy and to an extent, loyal. For all that this meant to him, he was to throw it away to save his backside and those bloody bats. Those bloody beautiful bats.

"Gareth, I will come straight out with it: I need three million pounds. I know what you're going to say, that you don't have that sort of money, I know. But, you always said you would help me out one day, when I really needed it. Well, the day has come." He cheeks warmed with the audacity of asking for that sort of money from someone he hadn't spoken to in years.

"No, no, no, listen to me. Do not fob me off. I need that money. It is a matter of life and death and you owe me. You know of what I speak." A quiet filled the room. Only the sound of his beating heart could he hear. It was loud, as though his heart had migrated to his throat and then split in two to beat in both ears even louder than before.

The matter of life and death Felix referred to was the time when they were at a garden party hosted by one of their father's business associates. It was a warm, Summer's day and long story short, Felix had been caught behind the cricket pavilion with his shirt off kissing one of the waiters. His father was the laughing stock. Looking back, Felix seemed to have a thing for waiters. Perhaps it was their expected servile nature or perhaps it is because they come and go. Nevertheless, at that time, having a 'queer' son served only to be an embarrassment to their conservative father who subsequently treated him as such. Felix and his father's relationship deteriorated and not long after, Gareth's. Felix had never forgiven Gareth for not sticking by his side, but then Gareth was young and had his whole life mapped out so long as he took his father's side and stood by emollient. Despite this, Felix knew he would not have become the independent, ambitious man he is today if he hadn't have been driven to forge a new path. He knew that he and Gareth were as different as nature and nurture. You know what they say about survival of the fittest and Gareth never once pulled a waiter.

"You don't understand. I don't care how you get the money, but think about it, will you still be dad's favourite if he finds out the truth of what happened back then. Look what happened to me. I know we were both young and naive, but will dad see it that way? Would you risk the comfortable life you have earned nestled under father's wing? That shit storm will make my 'transgression' pail in comparison. You know it will."

For the first time in years, long-buried childhood memories flickered through Felix's mind, as though illuminated by a match. When Gareth and he were in their mid-teens, they had holidayed in southern France with the family. Their father owned a vineyard in Provence and, despite the hot Summer days, neither of them liked the fact that he would spend the entirety of the vacation meeting with business associates leaving them with their evil stepmother. They were both too old to need a new mother, but in reality she was actually alright, more than alright actually. Being in her mid-twenties she was closer to their age than their father's, she was stunning and both brothers were infatuated with her. They would play practical jokes on her all the time. One time, they had set up their 'best' booby-trap yet. Perhaps it was a step (or three) too far, or the pity he felt, but Gareth went back into her room to prevent her from being covered in a choice cow pat shovelled up fresh and ripe from the field, when she walked out of the shower. Gareth was a tall, strapping lad back then and looked the spit of his father when he was at that age. You can guess what happened next, and nine months later our 'step-brother' was born. Looking back, Felix concluded that she was just as neglected by their father as they were except they had each other. She had no-one. Father never found out.

Gareth plead denial, then anger and depression after. He was going through the five stages of grief as this long-buried secret was unearthed. Felix was outraged when Gareth tried to bargain his way out of it, but promptly stamped it out, more vicious than he had ever been.

"I pity you. You didn't have the courage to be yourself, you didn't even have the courage to stand up for me when I carried that secret for you, for so long, to this day, but no longer. You are my brother, but if you don't do this for me then you are dead to me. Get the money to me or it will be the downfall of us both."

As he heard the words come out of his mouth, his own mouth, he felt as though he was looking down over himself making the call, sat there in the midst of papers and neatly tucked chairs, chaos in the calm. What had he become? His life. His situation. But no longer his problem only. He must survive as he always had: On his own, taking no prisoners, doing whatever it took.

"You have until Tuesday, yes only five days, but Gareth, you had better get this done or there will be hell to pay." Felix ended the call, his hands shaking from the adrenaline. He slumped back into his chair exhaling his sins. Those bloody bats.

Tuesday came and Felix awoke from his bed. He sleepily checked his phone to see how late it was and there were 25 missed called from Gareth. Jolting up in bed, he cleared the blur from his eyes and there came a knock at the door.

#foldingpaperproject

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bevioletskies · 7 years

Text

20 questions [15/20]

characters: peter/gamora, guardians-centric

fandom: avengers academy/marvel cinematic universe

summary: wasp has a new competition in store for the students of avengers academy, and there’s money involved. so obviously, peter and gamora have to pretend to be a couple in order to win. wait, what?

chapter preview: peter and gamora discuss their breakup, natasha makes up her mind, and the guardians start preparing for prom.

word count: 5648 | total word count: 118k

a/n: hey look, a chapter that's less than 6k for once! also, “peter and gamora discuss their breakup” was going to be “peter and gamora watch star wars”. honestly, which one’s more important?

ao3 | previously | next | masterpost

By the time they boarded the Milano back home, Peter was pretty sure he was ready to nap for the next fifty years (not really an analogy he wanted to be making around Cap). Then again, he kind of always wanted to be sleeping. Hey, he was a superhero - he deserved some rest.

Their return to the Academy was apparently heavily-advertised, as Janet had been in Avengers Hall when Pepper received the transmission from Nova Prime. There was a whole crowd around the landing bay when they arrived, resulting in a celebrity-like hysteria as everyone tried to talk to the Guardians. Pepper arrived in her Rescue armour, chasing everyone away and citing that they needed to recuperate. Maria managed to get their statements for Director Fury, and Patsy got a couple quotes for the Academy’s news station, before they were finally left alone.

Upon reflection (and a heavy dose of medication for his injuries), as terrible as the experienced had been, it honestly wasn’t the worst job they’d ever taken, and Peter was grateful he didn’t have to do it alone. Gamora seemed to feel the same way, having once again crawled into bed with him and told him not to ask questions. He had a gut feeling it was her desire for physical comfort, to make up for the lack of intimacy she had grown up with, but at this rate, Peter wasn’t sure how much longer they could think of it as “platonic” bed-sharing when they were “dating” as well. Guess we’re never gonna talk about that night at the hotel, he mused to himself, watching as she buried herself deeper into his - her? - pillow.

Groot seemed to have firmly joined the camp of the ever-so-persistent Yondu and Mantis, now using every spare moment he had with both Peter and Gamora (separately) to whine. At first, they both thought he’d gotten sick, but then realized he was also pushing for their relationship to be real. He had even gone to chat with Janet, the one other person who understood his true meaning, and told her about everything that had happened over the past week. From there, Janet took the opportunity to broadcast it to the rest of the school.

“Our little Groot here refers to them as his substitute mom and dad. How cute,” she had squealed on her newest episode of The Latest Buzz. “Remember, everyone, you have one more day to vote for yearbook superlatives, including one of the most popular categories, Cutest Couple. Now, I’m not one to show bias, I adore all you ‘ships’ out there, but one of the hottest trending topics on Twitter as of late has been - of course - ‘hashtag-starmora’! Is that not the cutest ship name ever?” (Tony later protested to Janet that “pepperony” was cuter and strong example of wordplay, but then Pepper reminded him that he still hadn’t actually asked her to prom yet, despite asking after the colour of her dress so he could get a tie and corsage.)

After the episode had been broadcast, Peter commended Groot for talking to Janet. “You did good, buddy. I think it was the last push we needed to get votes,” he smiled. It felt kind of stupid to say when he considered the context - one silly idea they had reluctantly agreed was brilliant, all to make ten thousand units. It was weird, looking back and realizing what this had all been for. Money or no money, they had lied to the entire galaxy to make a measly buck, gotten people invested into a relationship that didn’t exist, and roped their friends into lying for them. Maybe that was the real reason they were pushing so hard for them to be together - so they wouldn’t sweat so much whenever Patsy or Janet shoved a microphone in their faces.

He felt guilty in a way he never had before, which was unusual. Peter had lied plenty before - it was second nature to him, having grown up a Ravager. He had been a thief for so long, the con artist with the silver tongue and good looks to charm people into giving him what he wanted, so long as he knew what lies to tell. He was unsure of what had triggered the guilt until he watched Janet’s show back, and saw the enthusiasm that sang in Groot’s eyes, the pure, unadulterated joy he had in talking about his “parents”.

When Gamora joined him on Saturday night for what was now a proper tradition, a teasing grin on her face as she asked about Star Wars, Peter could barely concentrate. For once, it wasn’t because she was curled up into his side, wearing one of his T-shirts that fit so snugly on him and so loosely on her. He almost couldn’t enjoy watching Gamora’s fascination when Luke first received his father’s lightsaber (“Rocket could probably create weapons like this, right?”). He did, however, chuckle when she pointed out that Han and Leia had a very antagonistic relationship.

“They’re a bit like us when we first met,” she pointed out with a giggle. “Although your idea of saving me didn’t exactly work, did it?” Peter wisely didn’t mention how obvious it was that Han and Leia were going to get together, since it wasn’t going that direction for him and her.

As the credits rolled, Gamora turned onto her back and stretched, letting out a satisfied noise that temporarily sent Peter’s mind straight to the gutter, watching as her hips dug themselves deeper into the mattress, her chest pushed outwards as she exhaled loudly. Focus, he scolded himself.

“So, voting ended yesterday. Which means we aren’t really obligated to keep going if you don’t want to,” Peter said hesitantly.

Gamora blinked, confused. “Quill, we talked about this just last week, remember? We agreed to keep it going, or else our classmates - ”

“That’s exactly why I was thinking of giving it up,” Peter interrupted. “I don’t know about you, but I feel guilty. Watching Groot lie for us - he’s just a kid, and I don’t like that we’re teaching him how to lie. He’s not the same Groot he was before, and this is our opportunity to make him better, you know? Not that he’s a bad guy, but we can avoid some of the corrupt, immoral behaviour we were all guilty of before we came to this school. A clean slate. And every single time someone talks about how much they like us being together, I think about how much of a lie it all is.”

“And it’s barely a lie at this point,” Gamora protested, instinctively reaching out to rest her fingers against Peter’s chest. The sound of his bandages crinkling made her wince - she should have done more to help him, to prevent his injuries from being this bad. As much as Peter pretended everything was okay, she had heard him whimpering in his sleep, from both his nightmares and his pain. She had to wipe away the damp on his forehead with a facecloth more than once, hoping the trauma of their mission would soon come to pass. “We tell everyone we watch movies, we train, we study. We told people what happened during our weekend trip, we told people about what happened this past week with Brionne. The only lie is that we aren’t actually dating, and the...expectations...of our physical intimacy.”

“You don’t call this intimate?” Peter glanced down at their bodies, taking in the ways they were intertwined. Gamora’s socked feet resting on top of his bare ones, one of her knees slung over his thighs, her stomach and chest pressed against his. She was so close that he could count her eyelashes, describe the warmth of her eye colour at length, or, with one tilt of his head, kiss her.

“Not the kind of intimacy everyone’s thinking about,” she said softly, her eyes flickering to his mouth for a brief second. At the rate they were going, she felt as if she and Peter were crossing the line of what was acceptable in this “relationship” of theirs, whether it was their fake romantic relationship or their real platonic one.

“I guess what I’m trying to say,” Peter said slowly, “is that if we see this through to the end, we should figure out how we’re gonna ‘break up’. We never got around to talking about it.”

To his disappointment, she pulled away, resuming her position on her back, gazing up at the ceiling contemplatively. “Something realistic. But nothing too complex.”

“Well, we fight a lot, there’s no denying that. There has to be something there - me being too relaxed about Thanos. Me being too overprotective and not letting you fight your own battles. Me not caring about other people saying shit about me - wow, it’s always me, isn’t it.” He let out a self-deprecating laugh, hanging his head slightly.

She gripped his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes. “Me insulting your very character,” she said, blinking at him forlornly. “A simple misunderstanding of your emotional depths gone wrong. I said something that made you question why you cared for me at all, something so unforgivable, that you broke up with me.”

He shivered a little at the thought, or even worse, what Gamora was possibly imagining that would fulfill such harsh requirements. What could she possibly do to make him turn against her? Even in his anger just two weeks ago, he still wanted to make amends, to move past things, forgive and forget. “It’d be unexpected. People would be surprised to find out it wasn’t me that caused it. But, I don’t know, Gamora, I don’t like the idea of making you the bad guy.”

“So you’d rather me be the victim? Poor, sad, Gamora, duped by the only stable relationship she’s ever had?” she said almost mockingly. She sat up fully, sitting cross-legged on the bed, arms braced at her sides. “Face it. This ‘breakup’? It’s a no-win situation.”

“You’re right,” he sighed, sitting up as well, leaning up against the wall. It was simple - there would always be consequences. “In a school as drama-fueled as ours, there’s no such thing as an ‘amicable’ breakup. We’ll go with your idea, then.”

“Then it’s settled.” She nodded, turning back around to face him, pushing her hair out of her face. “So, I think you need to explain this to me, this so-called war among the stars…”

______

Thankfully, the following week passed by with minimal drama. No invasions, no jobs (though Peter suspected Fury was refraining from sending them anything because of his injuries), nothing of the sort that would once again leave the Guardians torn apart. They were interrogated by the other students a little more than usual, but it was par for the course whenever someone had a mission go astray. It would be old news by the following week.

However, it seemed that Peter’s sorrows hadn’t completely faded away since the job, a haunted look in his eyes for deaths that never occurred. He pulled Mantis aside after class one day, guilt written across the crinkle of his brow and in the tremor of his hands. “I failed you,” he said to her, soft. “What kind of brother am I?”

“A good one, Peter,” Mantis said, reaching to cup his jaw in her hands. They were softer than anyone else’s - unchallenged by bruises, cuts, or calluses of any kind. “Do not beat yourself up for something that never happened.”

“I’m responsible for all of you,” he continued, unwilling to budge. “Gamora’s instincts have proved, time and time again, that she knows better than I do. Maybe we should re-evaluate who’s really running this team.”

“We could do that,” she replied. “Or, you can recognize that you and Gamora serve different purposes. Gamora is here.” She brought one hand to rest on Peter’s temple. “You are here.” Her other hand settled over his chest. “This team does not exist without its head and its heart. Do not confuse your mistakes with the consequences.”

“I took the job for money, Mantis, that doesn’t sound like it was driven by anything other than greed.”

“Money that you wanted to spend on getting us safer equipment. Stronger weapons. Paying our tuition,” she added with a chuckle. “Peter, I say this without using my powers. Please do not hide inside your own mind. No one is blaming you for anything.” She stood on her toes so she could kiss his cheek. “You have accepted that you love all of us, faults and all. Accept that we love you in return. And if you need forgiveness, this is me giving it to you.” She squeezed his hands tightly, eyes bright.

“Don’t deserve you,” Peter mumbled, pulling her into a hug. “Don’t deserve any of you. But I’ll take what I can get.”

Conscience cleared, Peter decided to tackle the next emotional hurdle that was muddling his brain, the relationship that, in his mind, never would come to fruition. Despite agreeing that it was the right time to cool off their physical affections, start to hint that things were going sour now that the voting was over, there was a reluctance in both Peter and Gamora that suggested otherwise. She laced her fingers with his without thinking, had taken to angling her head so she could rest against his chest or his shoulder, listening to his steady heartbeat. Peter almost called her “babe” when they were alone nearly half a dozen times, had his hands resting on her waist or at the small of her back constantly.

It had just become so...easy. It was easy to pull Peter along by the hand and not the arm, it was easy to kiss the side of Gamora’s head. It was easy to talk about the things they liked about each other, the things they did together, the things they shared as a couple. Peter found himself talking to Cap about a mixtape he wanted to make for Gamora despite having never thought of it before, while Gamora told Elektra about her recent training session with Peter completely unprompted. The other Guardians weren’t blind - they saw the softness in their eyes, the teasing familiarity in their voices, or more explicitly, the way Gamora slipped into Peter’s room nearly every night and never came out. It was getting borderline ridiculous.

“Idiots,” Nebula had to agree when they met up on Monday afternoon. Gamora had gone to her usual after-school sparring practice with Natasha, and Peter had accompanied her. They had claimed it was because Natasha was continuously suspicious about their legitimacy, and wanted to act particularly couple-like in front of her, but the others knew it was because they wanted to be in each other’s company, as always. “They’re basically already together. Quill is even dumber than I realized if he cannot tell.”

“They kept saying they wanted to spend time apart so people would start to think something is wrong, and yet they are closer than ever,” Mantis sighed. “I feel as if we are racing against a clock. Yearbooks are out in less than three weeks, and it may snap them out of it and make them remember they are not an actual couple.”

“We’ve spent way too much time on this,” Rocket interjected. “Here’s a thought - they’re too scared to talk about it, and we’re just forcin’ it on them to make us feel like we did something good. Why can’t we just let ‘em figure it out on their own?”

“Might not get as good an opportunity as now,” Yondu said, twirling his yaka arrow between his fingers. “You wanna see how miserable they gonna get when they stop being all lovey-dovey? Or you wanna help ‘em make it happen for real, get them heads outta their asses?”

“I am Groot,” Groot said, patting Rocket on the leg to get his attention.

“He says they both told him they wanted it to be real,” Rocket translated reluctantly. “Alright, alright. I just wanna get this out of the way so we can get back to something that’ll make us money. What's-her-face really got my hopes up with half a million units.”

“Perhaps it is not about constantly pushing them together,” Drax said thoughtfully. “They confided in Groot separately, yes? So maybe we should attempt to discuss it with them while apart, and convince them to give it a try.”

“We do have that prom fitting thing-a-m’-jig on Wednesday,” Yondu shrugged. “Could be a mighty good time for some old-fashioned talk.”

“We must make sure not to bring up what they told Groot, though,” Mantis added. “They put a lot of trust in him when they told him of their feelings for each other. We cannot betray that trust.” She paused. “By the way, do we all have dates for prom?” The group looked at each other blankly. “Did we even buy tickets?”

“Well, shit.” Yondu laughed heartily, getting to his feet. “Guess I’ll swing by to get ‘em for all of us. Get a date, too.”

“You will have no luck,” Drax informed him. “Most of the girls already have dates, from what I have read on the Wasp’s blog.”

“Those two don’t,” Yondu said, winking at Nebula and Mantis, who exchanged dubious looks in return - a rare moment of solidarity. “Back in a mo’, ladies.”

______

There was little Peter enjoyed more than watching Gamora and Natasha go head-to-head in combat. His own skills were proficient enough, but there was something about the ability to witness some top-notch fighting that made him happy. He also couldn’t help but whoop excitedly every single time Gamora prevailed, though she kept shooting him half-annoyed, half-fond looks in return. Worth it.

When the two girls took a water break, Gamora settled down next to him, pressing her shoulder up against his. “You don’t have to be my personal cheerleader, Quill,” she teased, taking a generous gulp from her water bottle. “It’s kind of distracting.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss the side of her head. “Just wanted to be supportive.”

Natasha joined them on Gamora’s other side, removing her wrist guards as she did so. “You two seem to have recovered from last week’s...excursion. I’m glad to see it.”

“Thanks,” Peter said cheerfully. “Wasn’t my favourite job ever, but at least we had each other. And Groot.”

“And the coming month will hopefully be less…'exciting’,” Natasha continued. “What with Jan’s fundraiser this week, and prom. You’re still going, right?”

“Yes, we got permission from the Director to go off-campus on Wednesday to get fitted,” Gamora nodded. “How about you? Have you found a date yet?”

"Clint and I were talking about going together.” Natasha’s face was stoic as ever, though the slight twitch in her lips betrayed her.

“He still has feelings for you,” Gamora protested. Peter was immensely confused - since when did Gamora participate in school gossip? He hadn’t known her to be particularly involved in the Academy’s social circles. Though, perhaps it was a natural occurrence ever since her love life started making the rounds as well. “Would it be smart to go with him? To give him hope?”

“It’s not like that,” Natasha sighed. “He probably misses Bobbi, too. That’s just the kind of guy he is.”

“But he wants to go to prom with you,” Gamora countered. “You still mean a lot to him. He might think this is you asking to get back together. At least make it clear that you’re only going to continue being friends, or you’ll both get hurt.”

“I, uh, can’t guarantee that, actually,” Natasha admitted. “Ever since he joined the Academy, part of me wants to be with him again. I see all these qualities in him that I guess I really missed.” The three of them fell silent for a minute, soaking in the weight of her words. Gamora found herself leaning closer to Peter, before giving in to instinct and resting her head on his shoulder. Natasha smiled at the sight. “How do you two do it? Gamora, you and I, we share so many similarities. And Quill, I suppose you and Clint also have your like qualities as well. But while he and I fell apart, you seem to have it figured out.”

Gamora glanced up at Peter, mulling over what it was that made them so compatible. Not as a couple, but as friends - best friends. It was as if she were back on that mission to recover Nebula all over again, contemplating why she and Peter wouldn’t be good together. And yet, here was Natasha, undoubtedly the most perceptive person the entire campus (aside from the Director, of course), coming to the conclusion that they made sense.

“Balance,” she said finally. Peter tipped his head downwards to rest his forehead against hers, grinning at her cheekily before withdrawing again. She found herself momentarily distracted by the twinkle in his eyes. Gamora turned back to look at Natasha. “My discipline, his knack for improvisation - we’ve come to learn from each other, simply by running the Guardians together.”

“Compromise,” Natasha said with a sharp nod. She twirled one of her batons in her hand, eyes fixated as it spun. “You’d think for two spies, we’d understand how to do that,” she added with a self-deprecating chuckle. “For the record, I think you two seem really well-matched. I’m kind of hoping you win - not that I don’t like Steve and Carter together, but there’s something...grounded about you.”

The two exchanged looks as Natasha got back to her feet, ready to begin again. Success.

After their session was over, Peter and Gamora walked back to the Milano, hand-in-hand, neither of them brave enough to point out that it was unnecessary, considering most people had returned to their dorms for dinner, leaving the campus quite empty. “I didn’t know you were so invested in other people’s love lives,” he commented.

“When people want to talk about my relationship so often, it’s easy to pick up those kinds of things,” she replied. “I can only imagine people are going to bother me more and more about you after we break up.”

“Kinda has become the dominant topic when it comes to you and me, hasn’t it. Any regrets?”

"About this?” Gamora lifted their joined hands for a moment before dropping them back down by their sides again. “All things considered, we’ve done well, don’t you think? It’s been morally questionable this whole time, but I think we got more than money out of this.”

When they arrived at the loading bay, they spotted Groot sitting on the Milano’s ramp, kicking his little feet in the air and humming idly. He immediately perked up at the sight of them, then turned to immediately sprint back inside the ship. “Huh,” Peter said, watching him go. “That was weird.” It became weirder still when they walked inside to find the others had fallen silent. “Um, did something happen?”

“Nothing, hello!” Mantis said loudly. She was stirring something on the stove, wooden spoon clanging loudly inside the pot. “How was your sparring practice, Gamora?”

“It was fine,” Gamora said slowly, suspiciously. She moved to drop her bag by the couch and strip off her gloves. “What were you all talking about before we got here? And don’t lie to me.”

There was an awkward moment of silence, the others exchanging panicked glances in an attempt to figure out who was going to speak. “Just wonderin’ if you two signed up for the fundraiser,” Yondu said finally. “Speculatin’, that’s all.”

“Helping Coulson with a weapons demo, since I’m apparently one of the best gunslingers on campus. Can’t argue with that,” Peter boasted, setting his knapsack down next to Gamora’s. “Gamora’s with Elektra and Colleen for a sword demonstration. That’ll be awesome.”

Gamora smiled in return, pleased, as she settled down onto the couch. Groot hopped up to join her, curling into the crook of her elbow with a contented sigh. “Have we got any jobs lined up recently? Even anything Terran-bound?”

“Preferably Terran-bound,” Peter added, sitting next to her. “We don’t need a repeat of the last few times we’ve done off-planet work. It’s like we’re cursed.”

“Cursed would be putting it lightly,” Drax said, nodding. “Fate is not our friend, Quill.”

“Sorry, Quill. Outta work at the moment,” Rocket shrugged. “But wait about three-ish weeks, and we’ll be comin’ into a lot of units, courtesy of Stark.”

“First thing on the list - better mattresses for the Milano,” Peter said, causing Gamora to giggle into his shoulder.

“Mine is comfortable enough,” Nebula said with a defensive scowl, though she couldn’t help but eye the way her sister was practically tangled up with Peter. “However, if Gamora is going to continue sharing your bed, I would like her room. It’s bigger.”

“We’re not sharing a bed,” Gamora said almost too quickly, sitting back up. “I just fall asleep in there sometimes when I’m making Quill do homework.”

“At midnight? You are not that committed to school, are you?” Mantis asked innocently. Gamora frowned, getting to her feet.

“I’m going to go shower,” she huffed. “No one ask any more pointless questions when I get back.”

Rocket ducked behind the kitchen counter to hide from Peter so he could snicker with Yondu. Maybe this whole matchmaking thing was going to be fun, after all.

______

On Wednesday afternoon, after classes were finished for the day, the Guardians piled into another vehicle on loan from Stark, this time something he affectionately referred to as the “Iron Soccer Mom”, and headed into the city to get fitted for prom. Mantis attempted to get a game of “I, Spy” going, until Drax began questioning the legitimacy of her hints, leaving everyone more irritated than entertained. Groot stood on Rocket’s shoulder so he could stare out the window, while Nebula and Yondu bemoaned being forced to sit next to each other, again. Gamora was glad Peter had designated her to ride shotgun, away from the nonsense going on behind them.

“So, have you guys been practicing much for the fundraiser?” Peter asked when they were about thirty minutes away from the shop.

“Not as much as I’d like,” Gamora sighed. He glanced over at her briefly, only to notice that she was casually flipping the multi-tool he’d given her as their “one-week anniversary present”. He hadn’t even been aware that she was keeping it on her person, assuming that she would have abandoned it long ago. “They’re too busy hunting down the Hand with the other Defenders. Or at least, Colleen is. Elektra spends her free time rolling around the sheets with Murdock.”

“They do seem attached at the...crotch.” Peter made a face like he had regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. “Hey, so are we gonna do the whole ‘groom doesn’t get to see the bride’s dress’ thing?”

“The...what?” Gamora was utterly perplexed. His tendency to forget that the others didn’t understand Terran customs happened far too often.

“I really gotta stop doing that to you guys,” Peter chuckled. “Guys usually don’t see their wife’s wedding dress until the day of. I was just wondering if you wanted to keep your prom dress a secret from me.”

“I’m not your wife, Quill,” she said, continuing to frown. “And...I’m not your girlfriend, either.” It was an echo of a sentiment she’d expressed many times in the past, something that was reassuring at first, and now just an unwelcome reminder of what was really happening.

“Yeah, but I’d probably ask you to prom even if we weren’t doing this...thing,” he replied, taking a hand off the wheel so he could gesture between them. “I mean, as friends. I’d ask you regardless.”

Mantis leaned forward in her seat, her frustration at Drax melting away in her eagerness to help the conversation along. “I would suggest you do it, Gamora. It will make for a fun reveal at prom!”

Gamora threw her hands up, knowing she couldn’t win against Peter and Mantis’s enthusiasm. She wasn’t sure what the big deal was, but it seemed important to them. “Fine, whatever, if you say so.”

When they arrived at the shop and checked in, the guys and girls were ushered into separate rooms by overly-enthusiastic attendants. Mantis was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement, oohing and ahhing at the displays of jewelry, headpieces, and shoes. Gamora put a hand on Nebula’s arm to remind her not to mock - none of them had ever really done something like this before, so Mantis was definitely entitled to her happiness.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to do this,” Nebula sighed regardless, sprawling across a large, overstuffed pouf. It was a little comical to see her surrounded by cream-coloured furniture with tassels and sequins. “We have more pressing concerns, sister.”

“We don’t have to be weapons up at all times,” Gamora replied gently, patting her on the leg. “It’s been a trying few months. Let’s have fun when we can.”

“Don’t try and deceive me, you’re using this as another opportunity to spend time with Quill,” Nebula retorted.

“I think it is very sweet,” Mantis piped up. “Do not miss your chance, Gamora. Prom would be a very good time to make your feelings known.”

“You keep talking of feelings that don’t exist,” Gamora said firmly, folding her arms across her chest. “Once the ruse is over and we’ve been paid out our ten thousand units, everything will be back to normal.”

Nebula let out a snort. “Please. As if we have a normal.”

In the other room, the boys weren’t faring much better. Yondu was getting fitted in his powder blue suit (“offsets the blue of my skin quite nice, doncha think?”), turning and lifting his arms obediently for the tailor. Drax and Peter were seated on the poufs, while Rocket was sitting on the floor with Groot, entertaining him with a laser pointer.

“I have something to ask of you, Quill,” Drax said nervously, leaning forwards.

“I didn’t do it.” Drax looked at him quizzically. “Oh, you’re not asking about the dagger that I definitely didn’t lose on Berhert. Yeah, okay, go on.”

“I would like to ask Mantis to be my date for the prom. As friends, of course. We have established that - ”

“Yeah, yeah, you don’t find her attractive, don’t have to tell me a hundred times,” Peter sighed. “And you don’t need my permission, man, Mantis can answer however she wants.”

“If you’re sure,” Drax nodded, an infectious smile blooming across his face. “You are a good man, Quill. I am glad we are friends.”

“Me too,” Peter grinned, slinging an arm over Drax’s shoulder.

“You two done yammerin’? It’s your turn, Drax.” Yondu made his way over to them, now back in his regular clothes. He took Drax’s spot as the other proceeded to join the tailor (“I admire your business, sir, but I have no desire to wear a shirt”), settling in like he owned the place, as he always did. “Well, shoot. Guess I gotta ask Nebula, then.”

Rocket was quite literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Groot was somewhat confused, but giggling alongside him. “Won’t that be a sight to see! Maybe you two’ll finally kill each other tryna slow dance.”

“I think the real show of the night is gonna be Quill and Gamora, hey?” Yondu elbowed Peter teasingly. “C’mon, boy, ‘fess up already. You two already shackin’ up in your room, holdin’ hands all the time, even got them inside jokes. You still tellin’ me she ain’t got feelings for you? You’re practically dating already!”

“We’re just really close,” Peter mumbled, turning away. “She’s not used to someone being in her personal space and not trying to kill her. Besides, if she is interested - and I really doubt it - I want to let her make the first move. She deserves that choice.”

“Noble of ya,” Yondu nodded. “I can respect that. But like I said, girl with that kind of upbringing? Might spook easier than you think. Live in denial, like you. Be a little more upfront, Quill. You take two steps forward, and let her take the last one.”

“I am Groot,” Groot said enthusiastically, running over to cling to Peter’s ankle. “I am Groot!”

“Groot says he wants to make the corsage for you,” Rocket translated. “Aw, that’s nice of you, man.”

“Oh god, I almost forgot about the corsage,” Peter groaned. “Thanks, Groot.”

Meanwhile, Gamora stepped out from her dressing room, nervously smoothing down the pleats on the front of her gown. It was moments like this that made her feel like a young girl again, snippets of old memories coming back. Her mother, wearing a pretty evening dress, putting on her earrings as she got ready to go out on a date with her father. Gamora would always sit at her feet, staring in awe at her strong, beautiful mother, wondering if she would be like her when she was older.

To this day, Gamora wished she was able to tell.

“Oh, Gamora,” Mantis sighed dreamily. “You look so pretty. And so fierce, too - I very much like this belt.” She reached to gently touch the leather wrap at Gamora’s waist. “It is very you.”

“Yes, very pretty, Quill won’t be able to take his eyes off you, etcetera,” Nebula deadpanned. She paused, standing to inspect her sister a bit closer. “...you do look acceptable, though.”

Gamora and Mantis’s eyebrows shot up in near-perfect synchronicity. “I’m in shock,” Gamora said dryly. “That was almost a compliment.”

“Get over yourself,” Nebula grumbled, sitting back down. God, her sister was going to become even more insufferable once she actually started dating Quill. His sarcasm was going to infect her like a disease.

a/n: i could just write guardians shenanigans forever, in all honesty. All of them being like "are you kidding me" at peter and gamora is just me yelling at myself for making them deny everything so hard.

next chapter is the fundraiser! i know i keep teasing y'all about the prom chapter, but you can probably guess which chapter number it's gonna be (hint: look at the title).

#starmora #peter quill #gamora #guardians of the galaxy #avengers academy #myfic #myfic: 20q #marvel #there's so much going on in this chapter but for once i didn't ramble on forever? wow

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simkjrs · 7 years

Text

chapter 6 asks that are people in distress about shinsou

SPOILERS FOR THE FIC, so it’s all under the readmore

** before i start, i just want to say, the sheer number of people who have guessed that it’s himiko impersonating shinsou is frankly alarming and equally hilarious. thanks yall

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD SHINSOU MY SON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM??? HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS????? (for real, tho, that chapter was?? So good??? I'm so happy to have read this)

you’re absolutely right he doesn’t deserve this and im doing it to him anyways, which objectively proves that as an author i am not and never have been trustworthy. im sorry if i ever tricked you into thinking otherwise. im crying as well

Anonymous said: holy crap that chapter. where do i even start. i knew the kidnapping was coming up but that scene still managed to punch me in the gut. shinsou doesn't deserve this he just wanted to be a hero you guys. also the scene where izuku brought mitoki flowers was really great and i'm so happy that conversation happened. and the paintball fight? best thing i've ever laid my eyes upon. sorry this wasn't very coherent, i'm gonna go fling myself into the sun. thank you for this amazing chapter.

thank YOU for the feedback, i’m really glad you enjoyed the mitoki conversation & the paintball fight because those two scenes were the ones i was most nervous about. as for shinsou, you are very right. he doesn’t deserve this and im sorry

Anonymous said: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! that was so intense!!!!!!!!!!!! that chapter was amazing you lied sorry ://// (izuku has a crush on shinsou and i couldnt be happier. sweethearts, the both of them.) SO MUCH HAPPENED AT ONCE IM FU KCIFNSICIAJX!!!! WHAT HAPPENED WITH SHINSOU??? MY BOY WHO THREATENED HIM. WHO HURT HIM??!?!?!!?!??!!??!?! i got so emotional all throughout this chapter i almost cried like 26 times that was wild af!!! NOW HOW DO I RECOVER FROM THIS!!!! (im so worried about shinsou. about everyone.)

hfjldksf thanks!! glad you enjoyed it!! im sorry for making you emotional. its the unintended side effects of tryin to convey izuku’s state of mind

i know this won’t ease your suffering much but for a while i intended for chapter 7 to be from shinsou’s point of view, and it was quite literally just titled “what happened to shinsou.” this may still happen. im not sure yet. stay tuned next for,

Anonymous said: *twitch twitch twitchy twich* omg suddenly i understand those comments from your betas. like. i'm legit speechless???? why. why would you do this, you evil writer from awesome land. like i just. im in like. the all caps state of shock. that FREAKING LAST LINE AKDJKLADSLKAJDSKLJLKJ. like. *squeezes air* i dont even know where to begin???? I MEAN CLEARLY I STARTED AT THE END BUT LIKE. so much. to talk about. like. the smile bits of gaming and cats and pics then THAT KAST KUUSJDFHSKJDHFSKJDHSJDF

i bait in readers with cute fun shenanigans and then i go in for the kill

(thank you for writing in, i’m glad you enjoyed the chapter <3 )

Anonymous said: no, but like, ur saying that chapter 6 is the worst one YET (which is a HORRIBLE LIE. this chapter was great. even if it let us all devastated afterwards. but whats a good fanfiction if it doesnt affect the reader tho heh(and your certainly is a great fanfiction. one of the greatest)) is it because of the giant clusterfuck that 7 and/or 8 is gonna be? (kamino ward, all might reveal, kidnappings+ SHINSOU) im legit worried haha ( btw "(accidental) dad might: Stealth Style" is my favorite tag now)

i cultivate my tags with pride. im glad you enjoyed that one in particular :3c and also... thank you... i was super insecure abt ch6 so it’s really nice hearing ppl liked it! i really appreciate it <3

the next chapter(s?) are going to be a clusterfuck so you are probably wise to be legit worried. preemptive apologies. i don’t know why im doing this and im sorry also

Anonymous said: I don't actually believe that Shinsou did it, naturally. Maybe the villains pin the blame on him cause it's easier to do it to someone that everyone is already wary about? I honestly have no idea, you're too unpredictable with some of these things

u have a good nose anon... but also when have i EVER been unpredictable about anything. my taste and storytelling is incredibly predictable in that it is always The Worst and Incredibly Self Indulgent. all you have to do to pick out the path im taking is think “what path allows simk to pander to their own interests the most?” and thats the path i’ll take. this is exactly what is happening with the entirety of this fic and especially with this next arc

Anonymous said: is shinsou being blackmailed?? controlled by someone else?? someone stole his face?? was he used as a hostage bc he interacted with class I-A more? or is someone threatening izuku again or.. ahhh idk what it is but I really feel he is not a traitor so: my current theories about shinsou. am I close??

yes to all of the above

Anonymous said: Pretty sure you didn't get many theories yet cause we are still in shock. Send help pls. (Loved the chapter btw that chapter was legit a roller-coaster of feels.)

theres no help to be found. i did this irrevocably and now theres nothing we can do about it

(thank you! i’m really glad to hear that, and hope that you have recovered from your shock :p )

Anonymous said: thoughts on shinsou's reasons: bakugou is a abusive shit who is undeserving of being a hero and made him lose all faith in heroes, blackmail, threats, brainwashing, some other type of convincing, he has been the traitor the whole time and you just want to kill us with angst, the LoV is threatening deku and if he doesn't help them they kill him, rage against society has reached its peak (same tho), or he wants to get back at bakugou, or the Cat Cafe is being threatened. please stop killing me.

this is a really impressive laundry list of unconventional reasons for shinsou to join the villain alliance. i love it. i too would become a villain in order to save my favorite cat cafe and spite a person i don’t like

@armcontrolnerve said: it was himiko in the study with the candlestick

d...does this make shinsou the murder victim

Anonymous said: I JUST READ THE NEW CHAPTER AND JUST WANTED TO DROP BY AND SAY YOU'VE UTTERLY WRECKED ME. I have tears in my eyes, I am currently flailing about like a fish while my brain goes into overdrive trying to dodge the reality of that ending. Shinsou was helping Izuku not two scenes ago, he was probably kidnapped and forced to do it against his will via torture or something. I refuse to believe that Shinsou is a villain and you cannot tell me oTHERWISE

good instincts. hold onto that feeling

Anonymous said: My guess: shinsou was kidnapped by Villain Alliance. Himiko Toga is using her quirk to impersonate him. But...why

bad pr image for yuuei

Anonymous said: all im thinking is that girl with the quirk that lets her shapeshift into people if she gets their blood and im just. oh no. shinsou. how could u do this to the poor sweet gay boy. meet me in the pit for a fight, and also a round of compliments for ur fucking writing skills. u made me cry. i love this fic so much but unfortunately i still have to challenge u to a duel, for the sake of these poor children, and their mental health,,, (ps i love ur writing and ur fantastic!! byeee)

if you kill me youll never get these children back alive

(thank u though... this made me laugh. rest assured that i will promptly apply all my writing skills to elucidating the mystery of what happened to shinsou)

Anonymous said: Shinsou probably got his quirk stolen by Sensei or someone is impersonating him I guess. Or his classmates are jerks and framing him or something. Smh

his classmates threw him under the bus

@sunslammerdown said: hi i am a person who reads your very extremely good fanfiction... thanks very much and also Wow Rude How Dare You. you said you were surprised at not getting more shinsou theories so heres my two: 1) It Was Toga, shinsou is kidnapped its not good 2) It Was All For One who can take quirks and use them on people and shinsou has a mind control quirk, its very not good still

what if its... 3) both, for maximum suffering, and the ultimate very not good happenstance

@viperofsand said: I am sure I had something in mind when giving my review while I was reading chap 6, but after the final part my mind was all 'WHAT THE HELLLLLL', so, there is that. Also, I am inaugurating #ShinsouIsNotAVillain2017 for this fic starting now.

this is a good hashtag. i’m behind it. i have no right to be but i am

Anonymous said: ok i'm trying not to panic bc of the cliffhanger but just tell me, will we know /why/ shinso is doing what he's doing ?? i'm trying not to spoil for ppl

no worries! we will find out exactly what happened to shinsou...

@auspiciouswhiskers said: How much do I have to pay for a Shinsou redemption and/or Shindeku endgame because pleeease you have responsibilities

you don’t even have to ask. its already under way...

(more specifically: you just don’t even need to ask. there just isnt a need. hold that thought for a shindeku endgame though bc who KNOWS where im headed with that)

Anonymous said: Izuku's gonna lure Shinsou with cats and everything will be just fine. Izuku holding up fuku, taka and isao: you know u can't harm them Shinsou: defeated

this is the ultimate villain shinsou ask. nothing is ever going to top this. you dont even need to fight shinsou you just have to appeal to him with cats and he’ll crumble instantly

Anonymous said: Eh, I don't know if I'm angry, but I am a tad disappointed if it actually is "what it looks like" with Shinsou. I mean his whole deal is that while his power seems like one that a villain would have, he doesn't actually want to use it that way. If he really is a villain in your story, that sorta defeats the purpose of his character, you know? But I guess I'll just wait and see what you plan to do with it.

that aspect of his character is probably what makes what im doing 100% more awful so i guess what im trying to say is: don’t worry it’s not what it seems, but also, i should not be allowed to touch a computer

Anonymous said: ok ok i have an idea about why shinsou provided inside help(i hope im at least a little right or im going to cry): he was threatened by the league? they saw him hanging out with deku and probably knew that he didnt know he was Hella Strong or smth and were like "look, if u dont want ur friend to die ur gonna have to Cooperate" and shinsou being an amazing friend was like "U LEAVE HIM ALONE U COCKROACH" and he did That. it probably happened in That One Stupid Horrible Month (please. PLEASE)

shinsou became a villain for deku confirmed. be gay, turn to the dark side

Anonymous said: honestly while i'm still Actually Dead over the latest chapter Izuku having his Gay Awakening over someone who stabs him in the back is Relatable lol

h...hold that thought...

also. i’m really sorry to hear that, and i hope you’re in a better place now. may your future gay relationships be blessed

Anonymous said: It's Mamoru. The ending to your new chapter is definitely a twist that I didn't expect at all. But oddly I'm not angry. Is Shinsou really going to be a villain? Because it kinda goes against he is fighting for. Or is he threatened?

spoiler alert...

@chocowl said: holy fuck simk

A theory: was Shinsou kidnapped by the VA and Himiko used her Quirk to look like him? That would explain the silence towards Izuku and would heal our tormented souls Q-Q

the truth is, the entire villain alliance is conspiring to fuck over shinsou, specifically

#chapter 6 #ask #ask compilation #anonymous #chocowl #auspiciouswhiskers #viperofsand #sunslammerdown #armcontrolnerve #the number of asks is...so much #spoilers for the fic ///

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bettsfic · 7 years

Text

@markofapsychopath asked:

Otayuri, for sure. Prompt: Yurio tells his crush he likes them but he gets turned down. His new, or long time best friend whichever, best friend Otabek comforts and then confesses his crush for Yurio. High school or college au.

[hs au, unrequited victor/yuri, rated t for cuddles and kissing]

victor is a senior. he’s also student body president, drama club president, captain of the cheerleading squad, and valedictorian of his graduating class. he’s perfect and beautiful and everyone loves him.

but not yuri. yuri hates him.

yuri hates him because victor barely even notices him. he’s been on the cheerleading squad since he was a freshman. and now he’s the top of the pyramid, and he’s only a sophomore. he’s going places, and if victor can’t see that, he’s blind.

“are you going to eat that?” otabek asks. they’re sitting under a tree in the quad during lunch. a dozen feet away, victor is playing hacky-sack with the other yuuri. they look at each other like their stupid hearts are connected and yuri wants to set himself on fire.

“go for it,” yuri mutters. a sandwich is perched on his knee that his grandfather made for him that morning. he can feel otabek’s fingers as they brush his leg..

“you should eat something,” he says around a full bite. yuri would think he was being sarcastic if otabek were capable of sarcasm.

“i’m too filled with righteous fury to eat.”

otabek makes a mm noise. yuri’s mood swings never seem to affect him, which is how they’ve managed to stay friends this long. through everything: otabek was the first friend yuri made when his grandfather decided to uproot them to an entirely new country, and yuri in turn was there for otabek when his parents divorced. it surprised yuri as much as it did otabek, showing up at his bedroom window at three in the morning, having just received a text message: they’re splitting up. no words could do yuri’s profound and bewildering sympathy for his best friend justice, so he snuck out of his room and into otabek’s, offering comfort the only way he’d ever learned.

it’s okay, yuri had said, crawling into bed with him, even though they weren’t normally like this, having never exposed their truest selves to each other or the world. he held otabek as he cried, rubbed his back in small circles, silently. like yuri’s grandfather had held and comforted him growing up.

they never talked about that night, falling asleep clinging to one another. they just went on like two planets orbiting each other out of convenience rather than will, even though they both knew the truth.

“he’s single you know,” otabek says. yuri glances at him to find the sandwich half-eaten in his grasp, adam’s apple bobbing as he looks forlorn for some reason. “victor, i mean. you could ask him to prom or whatever.”

“why would i want to do that?”

otabek gives him a look – the kind that reminds yuri his prickly nature is useless around otabek. “because you like him.”

yuri dramatically retches, a horrific gagging noise that would be funny if otabek would ever fucking laugh.

yuri sighs. “i don’t like him.”

“sure,” otabek says with a sad nod. “just saying.”

now the thought has wormed its way into yuri’s head. he fantasizes about asking victor to prom – it makes so much sense, the two of them. stars of cheerleading, the most popular boys in their respective years. they’d be sure to be crowned as prom kings and each improve the others’ standing. it’d be so much better than victor taking some chubby nobody to the dance like yuuri.

they’re alone at cheerleading practice, cleaning up after everyone has gone home.

“victor,” yuri says, folding over a blue mat so that it slams dully on its other half. “i was wondering.”

“hmm?” victor asks absently. he’s looking at a clipboard barely paying attention, but yuri can’t hold it in any longer.

“would you want to go to prom with me?” there’s too much hope in his voice, he knows, but he tries to keep it at a resentful mutter so as not to mar his aesthetic.

victor’s attention snaps up. he stares at yuri for a long, agonizing moment as if he’s trying to make himself believe what he just heard. finally his expression lifts into a pleased grin and he holds up his phone, where his most recent instagram post is glaring at yuri: victor and yuuri, kissing, and the hashtag #promkings2k17!!!

yuri suddenly wants to melt into the core of the earth.

“i’m sorry, yuri,” victor says, still grinning as if he hadn’t just crushed all of yuri’s hopes and dreams. “i’m spoken for.”

yuri bangs his head on otabek’s kitchen counter. otabek, as usual, isn’t acknowledging the tantrum, and is instead standing in front of the stove stirring around some good-smelling food in a cast iron skillet. his mom is away on business and his dad moved out after the divorce. otabek is alone nearly all the time which is why yuri has made it a point to hang out at his house as often as possible.

otabek turns a knob on the stove and lifts the skillet over two plates. “it was worth a shot,” he says, so casually that yuri thinks he’s talking about the food and not the ruination of yuri’s entire life.

“no it wasn’t,” yuri replies through his teeth. “it was stupid. he’s a senior, of course he wouldn’t want to go with me–”

“i’m a senior too,” otabek interrupts. he slides the plate over the counter toward yuri and eats his own standing up.

yuri lifts his head and scoffs. “you wouldn’t want to go with me to prom either.” he doesn’t know what the food in front of him is, but he picks up his fork and shovels a mouthful – after otabek stole his sandwich, he’s starving.

“of course i would.”

yuri chokes on his bite.

when he manages to clear his windpipe, he asks, “what??”

otabek shrugs, like this is any old after-school conversation. he blows on a steaming chunk of potato and adds, “i don’t know, it might be fun. you, me, tuxedos–”

“you hate parties. and people. and prom itself,” is the only thing yuri can think to say.

“yeah, but…prom is important to you. so, i’d deal i guess.”

when yuri can only stare at him blankly, otabek says, “or not. whatever.”

“this is not an or-not-whatever situation!”

“it was just an idea,” otabek replies, still horribly unruffled by this plot twist. “you can say no.”

but yuri doesn’t want to say no. he should say no, because otabek is his best friend – his only friend – and they shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. he can’t say yes, but he can’t make himself say no…

so instead he drops his fork and leaves.

yuri rolls over in bed, unable to sleep. three a.m. glows on his clock. the damp heat coming in from his open window tells him a storm is about to roll in. he used to hate this place so much, so far away from home, so foreign, until otabek walked into his life and made it all bearable.

he gives up and gets out of bed, shoves on a pair of pants, and climbs out his bedroom window.

otabek only lives about a mile away, and he’s been keeping his window open too, so it’s easy to find a handhold and climb in. otabek doesn’t wake, and yuri takes the opportunity to look at his sleeping form – shirtless, sheets pooled at his waist, one arm above his head and his hair mussed. his broad chest lifts with deep slow breaths.

yuri has looked at otabek like this before, longingly; thought back to the last night he had climbed through otabek’s window, the simplicity of the gesture, the ease with which yuri was able to set aside his own hesitations and console him. the raw itch of concern he didn’t know he was capable of feeling for anyone other than his grandfather.

perhaps, he thinks, gazing at otabek’s sleeping form, relationships don’t have to be anything other than the balance they’ve attained together. perhaps yuri doesn’t need victor’s social standing, or flashy instagram photos, or prom king–

“yuri?” otabek asks, voice rough with sleep as he sits up and rubs his eye. “thought you were mad at me.”

“i am,” yuri replies. he slips out of his shoes and lifts his shirt over his head before he can chicken out. then he climbs into bed beside otabek who instinctively makes room for him.

yuri thought it might be awkward, but like the last time they did this, otabek reaches out to him so easily, like any time they’re not doing this, it’s because he wants to be and has to force himself not to. yuri tucks his head under otabek’s chin and pulls him close. he can hear otabek’s heart beating at his ear, the breath in his lungs.

quietly, he asks, “do you ever think about the last time we did this?”

“i do,” otabek says. and more hesitantly: “a lot, actually.”

“me too.”

they’re silent for a long time, holding each other, breathing together. peaceful in the way that only each other’s company can provide.

“sometimes,” otabek says. he swallows thickly and continues, “the house gets so empty at night, i think about texting you and asking if you’d come over.”

“you never have,” yuri replies.

“i thought you’d freak out on me.”

yuri immediately wants to protest, but he realizes he freaked out this afternoon. instead he pushes away his pride and says, “i’m sorry.” he balls his hand into a fist. “i don’t want to go to prom with you.”

“i know.”

yuri is more nervous now than when he asked victor to prom. he can feel a tremor begin deep inside him, anticipating and wanting, unsure how to phrase it exactly, what he wants and why he wants it and–

he lifts his head and meets their lips together. otabek freezes for a moment, then all the tension floods out of him and he takes yuri by the chin, deepens the kiss with a kind of earnest desperation that yuri didn’t think him capable of. he’s so severe and stoic, it’s hard to believe such gentle passion could come out in something so simple as a kiss. he would have done it sooner, if he knew this was what it would feel like.

yuri breaks away and says, “i don’t want to go to prom at all anymore. i just want –” he kisses otabek again. “this.”

otabek smiles, which is such a rarity that it makes something in yuri’s stomach twist. he runs a hand through yuri’s hair and says, “me too.”

#otayuri #my fic #markofapsychopath

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