#god sorry ive just been ranting on here all night i need to sleep | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

expired-bat · 2 years

Text

we met in september - chapter 5

a/n: hihihi!! sorry ive been MIA for a week!! i went to art camp and i was so exhausted when i got home. i didnt have the time nor the motivation to start this chapter. it’s back now finally!! I think for now on ill do weekly updates cuz its summer and what not. enjoy the chapter and thx for ur support!!!

-milo

As soon as the door was unlocked, Y/N rushed to her room and slammed her door. Natalya was shocked to see her exchange daughter zoom through the house. She looked shaken and asked her daughter what happened.

Tatyana smirked. “A boy.”

The mother sighed. She was worried over nothing, unless the boy was harassing or stalking her. She then started to panic as those thoughts started to come up.

Back in Y/N’s room, she thrashed on her bed, kicking her feet up and screaming on her pillow. Her mind kept on repeating what happened and the many thoughts that swarmed her head.

Did he read it? Does he think I’m more of a loser now? What if he tells someone? What if he tells everyone?! Oh my god, I think I need to go somewhere else now.

Y/N remained flopped on her bed until she heard her door creak open. She looked up, her hair messy and on her face. She sees Natalya, worry stuck in her face.

“Y/N dear, did something happen?” she asked.

Y/N sat up from her bed and fixed her posture, “No ma’am, nothing happened today.”

“Are you sure? Taty mentioned something happened between you and a boy. Is he harassing you?”

The girl was flustered, “N-No! He’s not hurting me! He…”

Natalya then sat next to her and held her hand. She gently caressed her back. “It’s okay darling, you can tell me anything.”

The warm atmosphere her exchange mother soothed her down. She hasn’t been treated this way in so long. The dam broke, as she released her tears and began to sob. She hugged Natalya as if her life depended on it.

Y/N then told what happened today at school. She didn’t feel welcomed there, besides the two teachers that greeted her. She was left alone. She wanted to talk to people but was so afraid because of what they would think of her. And then she told her about her losing her journal. A boy who sat next to her gave it back to her at the end of the day. She then ranted about him; about his unwelcoming atmosphere, he radiated of douchebaggery, and that he might’ve read her journal.

Natalya was quick to assure her. “Dear, you don’t know if that truly happened. It’s your first day and you just met him. Maybe you should talk to him for a bit and get to know him. It’s okay to feel alone. I am here for you, and so is Taty and babushka.”

Y/N took in deep breaths. It’s going to be okay. You’re just overreacting. Stop that.

She swallowed the little saliva that was in her mouth and looked at her mother. Natalya was smiling. She then patted her head, closed her eyes, and whispered prayers.

When she was done, she got up and announced to Y/N that dinner would be ready in about thirty minutes, then walked out the room. Y/N sat there for a while figuring out what just happened. She then got up and changed into some loungewear.

Y/N went down the hallway, smelling borscht on her way to the kitchen. Tatyana and Olga sat on their seats while Natalya was preparing the dish. The girl sat next to her sister, giving her a glare.

Dinner was unusually silent that night.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It’s midnight, and Y/N couldn’t sleep. All she could think of is what happened earlier. Her seemingly breaking down over her first day. How childish.

She got up and looked in her school bag, the journal was still there. Though the light is dim, she could see his fingerprints. Y/N clenched the journal, and searched for a clean page.

Tuesday, Sept 16, 20XX midnight

That dickhead!! He got my journal and probably read it. I’m so sorry that our privacy was violated. You’re great and all, but I probably have to dispose of you and get a new journal. It feels icky writing in this now that someone looked at it. I’m so sorry. Don’t be upset, tho, your pages are already getting filled up and you have like 6 pages left. It’s probably time to get a new one.

Anyways, Natalya figured out what happened and I had to spill the beans. She actually listened to me, something that hasn't happened in a long time. I'm thankful that she's there for me, and Taty and Babushka as well. Pray for me that the second day will go well.

Y/N closed the book and put it back in her bag. She crawled into her sheets and hugged her bat Squishmallow. Lowkey, she imagined that she was hugging someone.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The jingle awoke Y/N, interrupting a loving dream, something she hasn’t had in a while. It took her nearly 10 minutes to get out of bed and to get ready for another day. After doing her usual morning routine, she decided to go for a more relaxed masculine look.

She ate her breakfast, and headed out the door. She prays for a good day this time.

As she entered her English class, Y/N could see him sitting on his spot. She sat next to him and got out her notebook and pen. She could feel him staring at her. She took a glance and saw his head quickly spin back to the board. Y/N could’ve sworn she saw him blush.

Class began as usual, but Y/N couldn’t help but feel watched the entire time she was taking notes. It bothered her a lot. She snapped her pen, the ink spilling everywhere on her paper and got out a new one. Y/N could hear her classmates snicker. She hates this.

The feeling continued on for the rest of her classes, even during lunch. Her palms were sweating and shaking. She almost ripped a book in half while she was in the library.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — �� — — — — — — — — —

The day was over, with not much happening that day besides the pen incident. Y/N was carrying her sketchbook, journal, and a large thick paper that is for art. a portrait of someone, and the student gets to choose the medium of their choice. She doesn’t know anyone around that is willing to be a model for her besides her exchange family.

Y/N was lost in thought, she couldn’t hear the fast tapping of footsteps coming her way. She couldn’t see what was happening, but someone shoved her out of the way, knocking everything she was carrying in her hands. It took her a second to process what happened, then rage consumed her.

She looked up to see a boy with brown hair running down the hall. She screeched from the top of her lungs, “YOU ASSHOLE! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVER AND BECOME ROADKILL!!”

Y/N was pissed, but too tired to chase him. Once again, tears were falling as she was picking up her things. She was about to pick up a drawing of L Lawliet until she saw a larger hand with painted nails. She looked up to see who it was; much to her surprise, her seatmate.

He looked at the sketch for a moment. “Did you draw this?”

Y/N jumped when he spoke. It was yesterday all over again. “Y-Yes…”

“L, huh? He’s cool, but Ryuk is my favorite,” he said as he gave the paper back to her.

Y/N shoved the doodle in her bag and rushed her way out to the door. She paused her tracks when she heard a “wait!”

The trotting of heavy boots came her way. Y/N could tell he was trying to keep his cool as he was fidgeting in his pockets.

He cleared his throat. “I know you’re new and that you’re not feeling welcomed here. I’m sorry that I’ve not been the nicest as well. I’m not good with meeting people,” he said as he rubbed his neck.

“I’ll just get it out of the way; I read your journal out of curiosity. I’m sorry about that too.”

Y/N’s world shattered. She fucking knew it. She felt so violated, all of the vents and secrets she wrote out, and he knew.

“Please don’t avoid me because of that. I just… want to know you.” he let out a sad smile as he said that.

Y/N had enough. “You want to know me? Why won’t you just introduce yourself like anyone else would?! Don’t be a creep and look through my journal!! Do you know how personal that shit is?!” she cried out as she clenched her fists.

He was clearly panicking. “I’m sorry about that. Please, Y/N, I…”

He was at a loss for words. Y/N was done with this and clearly frustrated. “ What do you want with me?!”

“I want to be friends!”

His cry echoed through the empty hallway. Y/N clearly couldn’t believe it. The dude who has been giving him dirty looks yesterday wants to be friends with a lowlife like her? That’s funny.

The pause was too much to handle. Someone had to speak.

“What’s your name? I forgot what it was.”

He was surprised. He swallowed and fixed a hair that was sticking out, “It’s Dee, Dee Shvagenbagen.”

#metal famliy #metal family dee #metal family dee x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #dee x reader #canon x reader #x reader #reader insert #female reader #milo writes

46 notes · View notes

tears-of-boredom · 9 months

Text

ive been flabbergasted at why ive been waking up so early lately. only now doni rwalise that its literally just because 1. the sun goes down early so i get tired earlier and 2. it stays dark until like 6am, so I have better sleep during the night. so the light works with me thoughout the day. but not for long lol. its like maybe 1 or 2 months only of good proportions of sunlight during spring and autumn, and then winter and summer come and fuck it up with their longevity. ive honestly always seen the 4 seasons as unequal things. its like,, summer and winter take up 40% percent of the year each, and spring and fall 10% each. and I always wonder why there even are four of them. it'd be better in my mind if winter and summer were the seasons, and then spring and autumn were just names for those transition periods. and I mean this just for like, the nordic countries you know, cuz lord knows what the fuck is going on in the rest of the world in terms of season timing. i mean I do like the sound of monsoon season that happens in like,, eastern asia i think? i like rain and love the thought of a whole season being defined by the rain that happens. would not like to live on warm ocean coasts though. those tornados and hurricanes and twisters, and whatelse names they have, really scare me. thank god its cold enough hear for them to have a hard time forming. and perhaps the Suomenlahti also helps. sorry i dont remember the english name rn, its the part of the ocean that finland actually has a coast with. oh and I actually have no idea how tornadoes really form, im just kinda assuming that its something to do with warmer climates because I haven't really heard of ones forming near here. plus we dont learn any like evacuation tactics in school relating to tornadoes. or,, well you wouldn't evacuate during a tornado would you... see! i have no idea what do to in case of a tornado, because I don't need to! also the like earth plate thingys (tethatonic plates?) dont seem to converge near here because earthquakes and tsunamis dont really happen either. i mean technically they had to've crossed sometime ago here because Norway has all the mountains and shit,, but I guess they've calmed down by now.

you know, i completely forgot that this was about my own sleeping patterns at the start. funny how that happens. i had to flex my basic geography skills i guess. or,, whatever you english speakers have as the subject that teaches you about natural occurences and stuff. im tired, in case my rant didnt tell you that already.

#idk what tag tgis id #my dingees are tired amn..#and mt eyes too.#man im gonna fallq sleep soon but i kinda dont want to #its pnly midnight and i dont wanna waste this time i have in a quiet house and with cool air coling in #and also ive accidentally formed a routine of spending my day time on my computer and then when my ass hurts too much #from the shitty chair. i lay on my bed and go through my phone..#ive been taking enough breaks in between comouter stuff that i always stay on the puter until im dead tired #m. so i ha ent done shit on my phone and i kinda wanna do that and break out of my accidnetal routine..#tbh the routine developed purely because i have a couple games on my pc that have dailies..#oh and ive been considering downloading genshin again. just for the card game part + levelling up characters #and also i enjoy doing things that dont take too much thought. aka every game's dailies..#but then i reakised that the cars game in genshin is definetly based off of some actual card game. thats probably way better. so i might as #well play that instead..#im not sure what magic the gathering is about but from the limited gameplay ive seen. thats the type of card game genshin has..#its really just a gente of game tbh. i just dont know the name of it..

0 notes

wokestraightpuffy · 3 years

Note

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

#captain puffy #tea speaks #god this is so long the brainrot is concerning ANYWAY #clownon

41 notes · View notes

finleyfray · 3 years

Text

Bittersweet Memories part 6

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

Huge thanks to @captain-josslett for helping me.

Taglist: @ashadash0904

TW: mentioned drug abuse, language, think that’s all

Alex is sure by now she just hates the medical wing in the DEO. She sits in the hall with Maggie, waiting on more information regarding their girlfriend.

Their girlfriend who overdosed.

Alex wonders where it all went wrong. How did they not see that Finley was struggling? How did they miss that their girlfriend was suicidal? That she was depressed.

Alex sighs as she hugs Maggie closer. The raven-haired woman was silent the whole time and the redhead wishes she could read her thoughts.

“Mags?” She tries but her girlfriend only shakes her head, and goes back to staring at Finley’s door. “Come on, talk to me, I can’t read your mind.”

“I just want this to end.” Maggie whines. “Just go to bed and cuddle and when we wake up, everything will be as it was a few months ago. But again, Fin’s in that fucking room, and we’re here, waiting for anything, any info about her. And I’m just tired. I’m tired of her.”

“You don’t mean that” The redhead gasps.

“No, you’re right. I don’t. I’m just... I don’t know. I thought it was okay and I’m just wondering where it went wrong. Nothing makes sense anymore. There’s so many questions I have. She promised she will let us know when something will be wrong. Are we supposed to watch her like a baby now? How can we leave her on her own, when she just can’t take care of herself? How do you know the next time we leave her she won’t, I don’t know, throw herself out of the window? Because I don’t know, Alex, I just don’t.” Maggie takes a deep breath after her rant, her shoulder slumping as she exhales.

“We don’t know what happened yet Maggie.” Alex sighs too, looking at her. ‘What does she mean? Did she not want Finley anymore?’ Alex thinks worriedly.

“Yeah, she sure thought the pills were some kind of candy.” Her girlfriend huffs.

“You say that like you’re mad at her.”

“I am. I am mad at her because she attempted to take her life away.”

“We weren’t exactly there for her over the last few weeks.”

“So you’re saying it’s our fault?” Maggie frowns, turning to look at Alex.

“No.” Alex huffs slightly, trying to keep her emotions in check. “All I’m saying is, I want to help her. And I’m scared, because I don’t know what’s happening behind that door. I’m scared because my, our girlfriend overdosed on God knows what. And we don’t know where she got it.”

“Ohhhh.” Maggie gasps. “I, well, uhh, when I came home... there was this woman leaving... well I assumed she slept with her... but, umm, maybe she’s her drug dealer...? The other day I saw a text on her phone from an unknown number saying something like ‘I see you tomorrow - V’.”

“And you didn’t think of telling me earlier? You went through her phone.” Alex narrows her eyes slightly while looking at her girlfriend, trying not to get angry.

“I don’t want to assume the worst! How was I supposed to know what that was, the message just pinged, her phone was password protected.”

“She didn’t have a password on her phone the two years we’re dating.” Alex frowns.

The door to Fin’s room opens and her Doctor comes out.

“We did a gastric lavage and washed away all the drugs she had in her system. Looks like she has been taking a lot of them over the past few weeks, her liver is damaged. She woke up for a while and we ran tests. It looks like she has had an infection for some time now. Her temperature is high and she told me that everything hurts. She’s attached to a IV and heart monitor. But for now agent Fray is stable. She fell asleep after we checked her. You can go there if you want.”

“She was sick. And we didn’t even noticed.” Maggie gasps.

“Thank you doctor Hamilton.” Alex nods and looks at her girlfriend.

“You come in?”

“Of course I want to, the fact that I’m mad at her doesn’t mean I don’t care about her anymore.” Maggie looks at her angry.

“Hey, I’m only asking.” Alex shrugs. “We are all tired. And I get it, you’re mad. But she could have died. So I’m going there and I’m going to thank whatever God there is that she made it through. And when she’s out of here, I’m going to stay with her and look after her. Because I don’t want to lose her. I don’t know what I would do if I lose any of you.”

“I don’t want to lose her either.” Maggie sighs. “I love you both, I promise, I just, I’m lost.” Her girlfriend lowers her head and sniffs. “I don’t know what to do anymore.” The redhead embraces the smaller woman in a hug.

“That’s okay if you don’t. We can take it slow day by day. You don’t have to know everything now.” She gently strokes Maggie’s back. “When I went through my alcohol problems, you were there for me. And we did it. So now we just have to do the same with Fin.”

“I totally improvised. I didn’t know what to do, I just did. When I saw that you had the urge to drink, I just occupied you with anything I could think of.”

“And that helped.” The redhead smiles, kissing her girlfriend's forehead. “So we’ll improvise too. It’s not a bad situation. J’onn will give us days off when we want. Or we can switch. We’ll figure it out, okay?” Alex quietly opens the door and enters the room.

She looks at their sleeping girlfriend. This view brought her too many bad memories. Maggie grabs her hand and gives her a reassuring smile.

“Right.” Alex breathes out and they walk to the bed their girlfriend is lying on.

“Hi.” Fin rasps out, looking at them. Her eyes were tired and it was clearly visible that she was in pain.

“Hey, baby. You’re awake!” The raven-haired woman reaches to cup Fin’s cheek, but Alex saw Finley panicking.

Her heart was suddenly beating super-fast and she was breathing hard. Maggie drops her hand as if she was burnt and the redhead cringes. This is not good. She looks at her shorter girlfriend who has a shocked expression on her face, which soon morphs into pain. Maggie blinks fast trying to get rid of her tears and turns away.

“I’m sorry.” Fin chokes out. “I...I didn’t mean to...”

“That’s alright baby.” Alex sighs as she grabs Fins hand and runs her finger over her girlfriend's knuckles. “It’ll be okay. Just breathe.”

***

Finley tried to focus hard on calming her breath. She didn’t want to upset Maggie. She did not want to react that way.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want this to happen. I swear I’m not cheating on you, please don’t leave.” She cries out lowering her head and looking at her hands. “I swear, please don’t leave me. I promise I’ll do better.”

“It’s okay Fin, it’s okay, breathe with me.” Fin looks at Alex trying to match her breathing. “In and out. There you go.” Alex smiles reassuringly. “We are not gonna leave you, I promise.” She hugs her girlfriend into her chest running her hand along her back. “It’s going to be okay, we’ll help you.” The redhead motions for Maggie to come closer and the raven-haired woman hesitantly does. She looks at them.

“Come here. It’ll be alright, I promise.” So the shorter woman sits on the bed and let’s Alex hug them both. “We’ll be fine.”

Maggie is sitting on a chair watching her sleeping girlfriends. J’onn had ordered the medical team to bring Alex and Maggie beds but Alex had crawled onto Fin’s bed in the middle of night as she saw her tossing around, clearly having a nightmare. The sun was starting to rise and the shorter woman stood up to close the curtains. She needed to talk with her girlfriend, but now wasn’t a good time considering Fin was on strong medications for her infection. The Doctors had to put morphine in her IV to avoid having her take the meds to not annoy her liver more than it is. Maggie just hopes it will be over soon and Fin will be finally healthy. They know she will also need to learn how to walk again as they’ll take her brace off, but that is a problem for the future.

“You’re staring.” Alex says before opening her eyes and looking at Maggie. She yawns and stretches, careful not to disturb Fin.

“Yeah, I totally am. Hi. You slept well?”

“Hey, yea, I think so. Bit sore actually, that’s a tiny space. But warm and cosy.” Maggie watches Alex gently kissing Fin’s forehead and standing up. She goes to sit on Maggie and hugs her.

“You want to go home and maybe take a shower?” Maggie asks.

“No, I’m good. Kara will drop by later and get us some clothes. Or do you want to go?”

“I just want this to be over, you know? We can go home and rest.” Maggie leans her head on Alex’s chest and sighed.

“Me too.”

“Hey...” They turn as they hear Finley speaking quietly.

“Hi.” They both stand up and go to her bed. “How are you feeling?” Alex asks. “I think I’m better. At least nothing hurts yet.” Fin smiles sleepily.

“That’s good, amazing actually.” Alex smiles too and Fin tries to sit up. “Woo, Easy there.” Alex rushed to help their girlfriend.

“It’s alright. We should probably talk.”

“Yes, I want to apologise.” Maggie begins dropping her head in shame. “I really should not have lashed out like that. I know that it’s a lame excuse, but I had a really bad day and I think I just snapped seeing that woman leaving our apartment. I know you wouldn’t cheat on us, I just don’t know what happened.” She feels Fin grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“But you should be! You tried to kill yourself because of me!” The raven-haired woman breaks down and begins to sob.

“I did not! Hey, look at me. Both of you. I’m sorry. I didn’t actually tried to kill myself, it was stupid of me. I’ve just been in much pain lately. It began 2 weeks ago, everything was hurting and I couldn’t think straight, so I took more medicine that was prescribed. I know I should've told you, but I didn’t want to bother you. But the meds wore off too fast by the time, so I took more, and then I just was sleeping the whole time and woke up to only take more medicine. But it wasn’t actually helping me. And well, that woman was an old friend, she fixed some pills for me, but she said these one I took were double dosage. I didn’t actually believe her, so I took too much and... I didn’t really want this to end like that. I’m sorry.” Alex sighs and hugs them both.

“We need to work on your communication Fin. You have to tell us about these things. But also we should’ve noticed it. And you...” She looked at Maggie. “Need to blow off your steam before going home. We need therapy after all of this. All of us.

***

Finley sighs as she is sitting on her bed in the DEO. Across her sat a woman, her name was Kelly and she was their new therapist.

As Alex said a few days ago, they needed therapy. But Fin had zero desire to talk to that woman, in fact, she already hated her for the way she kept looking at Alex. Like she wanted to steal her. And Fin will be damned if she ever let’s that happen.

“So, Finley. We can sit here in silence or we can talk about what’s going on your head.” Kelly tries to start a conversation but Fin frowns.

“How do you know MY girlfriend?” The black-haired woman almost growled seeing the smirk that displays on Kelly’s face. ‘Keep it cool. The key is to gather info.’

“So you might not know it yet, but James Olsen is my brother. I met Alex a few years ago and helped her with her drinking problem. Unfortunately I had to move away for a while as I’m also an army therapist. But now I’m back and Alex asked me if I could help you three figure things out.”

“When was that? When did you meet her?”

“It was four years ago. I met her when she started to date Maggie.”

‘So she never got the chance. But with everything that happened she can try and steal Alex from me. From us. Or maybe she’ll steal both of them. Yea, as soon as she realises how fucked up I am, she’s going to tell them and she’s going to steal them. I can’t talk to her. Under any circumstances. Play it cool Fin.’

“That’s nice.” Finley nods as she stares at the woman.

“So how are you feeling today?” Fin wants to laugh at how Kelly was still trying to start a conversation with her.

“Good.” Fin says tensely.

“Good?”

“Yes. I’m perfectly fine. I don’t need therapy when I don’t have any problems. You should totally focus on Maggie and Alex.”

“I can’t help you if you won’t share what’s bothering you. And I have to speak individually with all of you before we can have a conversation altogether. So if you want to help them, you have to let me in.” Finley huffs, growing frustrated. She was fine, she didn’t need help from some therapist wanna be that wanted to destroy her relationship.

“I don’t need help from you! You just want to steal them from me! They’ll realise they can have better than me and they're gonna leave me! You just need to know how fucked I am to go and tell them... and tell them to leave me! You’re not trying to help me, you’re trying to destroy me!” She sobs as she hugs her pillow. “I can’t do this without them. Don’t steal them away... Please...”

“Finley, I’m not trying to steal them away from you-”

“Bullshit! I saw how you were looking at Alex!” She yells interrupting Kelly.

“Alex is my best friend. And I’m married.” Kelly says calmly.

“O...oh...” Finley frowns and looks at her.

“M...married...?” “Yes, I have a wife, Finley, a beautiful wife that I love very much and she’s carrying my baby.”

“Ohhh...” Fin looks at the woman trying to wipe her tears away. “Congratulations...”

“So believe me when I’m saying I don’t want to steal your girlfriends from you. And even if I wanted, that would be impossible, because these two are just so in love with you.” Fin fidgets uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry... for yelling at you. I’m just so scared they’ll leave me someday.” “Why do you think that?” Kelly asks while grabbing her notepad and her pen.

“Well, I’m useless. I can’t do things myself with the brace on. I can’t work. I don’t even cook well. I can’t help them at work, I’m just forced to stay at home. What if something happens and I’m not even there to protect them!?” Fin cries out.

“You’re scared that something will happen to them?” “Of course I am scared. I’ve never had anyone so close to me in my life. Maggie and Alex, but also all of their friends, Kara, and Eliza, who treats me like her own child. If I ever lose them, any of them...” Fin falters.

“Do they know your fears?” Kelly looks at her.

“No, why would they. I will look desperate. They’ll just be with me out of pity.”

“You need to communicate more. I know they told you that too. Because communication is the key. They are not able to always see what’s wrong and this can cause situations where you are bottling everything inside and they think you’re fine. They won’t be able to help you when you don’t let them in. We can work on that more in our group session. You’re not alone in this and they’re there to help you to reassure you that they are not going anywhere.”

“You think they won’t leave me?” Finley looks at her therapist with hope.

“I know for a fact that they won’t leave you. But that I’ll leave for them to tell you.” Kelly nods and looks out of the window. “You feel insecure now. You feel left out cause you have to stay home. But at the end of the day, they come home to you. Not anyone else. They come home to your arms. You need to look at it from their perspective. Your girlfriends are working and no matter how much they love their job, they miss you there too. So after their shift the first thing they want is to see you. Relax together and cuddle. I know that from what they told me but also it’s what I am doing. After my shift I go home and cuddle my wife. I lay my head and listen to the heartbeat of my child.”

“You’re really excited to be a mother?”

“I am.” Kelly smiles brightly. “We tried for a long time and we had to do a lot of treatments. I came home from work one day and she gave me a onesie with ‘I love my moms' written on it. I cried.”

“How far is she?” Finley was genuinely curious about it. While she didn’t think of having kids herself yet, she could wait for a chance to be an aunt.

“Five months.” The woman beams.

“Boy or a girl?” “We didn’t want to know. We’re making everything gender neutral. We only care and pray that this little person will be healthy. I secretly pray that they will have their mothers green eyes.”

“We’ll I’m crossing my fingers for you.” Finley smiles and wipes away her tears. Talking about Kelly’s kid calmed her down.

“Do you want children?” Kelly looks at her. “I don’t know yet. I really haven’t thought about it. I’ve never actually seen a baby up close. I’ll just settle for a chance I will be an aunt. Maybe someday Kara and Lena will have kids. Or maybe James and Lucy. I would love to have a dog though.”

“What kind?”

“A Husky. No, a Labrador. Or maybe a Golden Retriever? German Shepherd. Chow-chows are very fluffy! Border Collie? I don’t know, I want all of them!” Both women laugh. “I just love dogs so much. I’ve never had one, but they are the best!”

“Well did you talk about it with your girlfriends?”

“No... I don’t want to bother them. What if they don’t want a dog? Or what if they want a cat? This would be the worst.” She frowns.

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You wouldn’t know if you don’t ask. So we can make that your assignment. You talk to your girlfriends about getting a dog. Do we have a deal?”

“But...”

“Do we?” Kelly held out her hand.

“Yeah.” Finley gently shakes it. “I’ll try to talk to them. Thank you.”

“It’s getting late. I’ll come tomorrow and you’ll tell me if your girlfriends want a dog or not, okay?”

“Wait, I have to talk to them today!?” Finley gasps. This woman tricked her.

“You can do it. See you tomorrow.” Kelly stands up from chair and leaves her room.

“Bye...” The black-haired woman whines. ‘This is going to be fun…’.

***

Finley opens her eyes and yawns. She must’ve fallen asleep after Kelly left.

“Hey sleepyhead.” She looked at Alex and smiled. “Was that a good nap?”

“Hi. It was. Kelly exhausted me.” Fin reaches for the redhead’s hand and squeezes. Her girlfriend stands up from the chair and sits on Finley’s bed instead.

“How did it go?” Her girlfriend kisses her forehead and embraces her in a hug.

“Good.”

“Good? Why do you look like you cried the whole session?” Alex raises her brow and Fin scolds herself. Communication.

“Uhh... Where’s Maggie?” She looks around the room, but her other girlfriend was nowhere to be found.

“She’s picking up some food. She’ll be here any minute. You will tell us what’s going on?” “No, cause that’s embarrassing.”

“What’s embarrassing?” Maggie asks, entering the room with a bag of take out.

“I’m embarrassed. Hi Mags.” Fin smiles as her girlfriend comes closer, putting the food on the table near her bed and reaching to kiss her cheek. “What do you have there?”

“Well for a difference I have ordered some Italian food.” The raven-haired woman reaches in the bag and gives them a container with food.

They eat in silence and Finley thinks of the best way to talk to them. When they were finished, they all lay on the bed. There wasn't much space so Fin lay on Alex and Maggie lay beside them with her hand over both of them.

“I want a dog.” Finley finally mumbles into Alex’s chest.

“What? We can’t hear you when you’re talking to my boobs.” The redhead laughs and Fin lifts her face from Alex’s chest. “Tell us again.” The black-haired woman sighs and she closes her eyes.

“I want a dog.” Her voice trembles.

“Oh, what kind of dog?” Maggie asks.

“What?” Finley looked at her shocked.

“Like a small dog, a big dog, buying a puppy or adopting from a shelter?”

“I know what you asked, I just... I expected you to say no.” She frowns.

“Why? We want you to be happy. Plus you barely want anything, ever, so I think it’s an amazing plan.” The redhead kisses her forehead.

“I just... didn’t want to be a bother.”

“You are not a bother. It’s okay to want something.” Maggie reaches to cup her cheek and the younger woman flinches.

“Sorry.” The black-haired woman takes Maggie’s hand. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to.” Finley sighs and lifts her girlfriend's hand onto her cheek. “And I don’t know what kind of dog yet. There are so many amazing dogs I just can’t choose. But would you want a dog?”

“Yes, I wanted a dog for some time now.” Alex smiles.

“We are not naming our dog Gertrude.” Maggie laughs.

“You wanted to name your dog Gertrude!?” The black-haired woman laughs looking at the frowning redhead.

“It’s a very nice name for a dog!”

“Yeah, I bet it is. Gertrude I hereby command you to come here.” Finley says in her best serious tone.

“Hey, stop being an ass.” Alex starts tickling her and Fin laughs loudly.

“Okay, okay, stop! Maggie help!” But instead of helping, her raven-haired girlfriend teams up with the redhead. Tickling Finley till she cries from laughing. Only then did they stop.

“I love you.” Fin says as she lays her head on Alex’s chest.

“I love you two too.” The redhead kisses her head. “Sleep well baby.”

“And I love you both.” Maggie whispers and hugs them tight.

Finley focused on their breathing as she falls asleep.

#maggie sawyer x reader #maggie sawyer x oc #alex danvers x maggie sawyer #alex danvers x reader #alex danvers x oc #sanvers x reader #sanvers x oc #polamory

29 notes · View notes

padfootagain · 3 years

Text

A Very Rose Mistake (IV)

Part 4: How You Became Lambkin

Here we go for a new chapter! This is cute, but also, an important chapter for many reasons! The plot is now starting to unfold!!

No warnings of any kind to apply here, really, it's just rather innocent and cute. I hope you like this new chapter! Tell me what you think about it!

Word Count: 3911

Holmes Chapel, 2007

Shakespeare was a pain.

Maybe it was still relevant if you went to the theatre and saw professionals actually perform the play, but from the point of view of two 13 years old who had to read the plays for school… it was a pain.

Besides the language being old, there was also the fact that tons of the words on the page had just been made up. Or at least, it sounded that way. Because Harry had most certainly never heard any of those being used before and he had better things to do with his time than try and guess the meaning of these words. Playing football was one of them. And there was no way his mother would let him out of the house before he would have finished his homework.

There was only one way he could get to the pitch on time to play tonight with his friends. He had to ask for the help of the brightest mind he knew.

He got up from his bed where he was lying down with his copy of Henry V covering his face. He let the book fall on his bed while he reached for the piece of red glass that rested on the side of his window. He aimed at the sun, until the reflection of the light on the glass would dance over your own window. The perks of having his best friend living in the house right next to his: it was easy to reach you.

And indeed, it took you less than a minute to appear before you would appear on the other side of your own window. He couldn't help but grin at the sight.

Harry grabbed a piece of cardboard from behind his desk, that he had already prepared. One of the messages that you often used and both had kept, ready, just in case you would need them.

Help with homework?

He saw you laughing and shaking your head, but you grabbed your own cardboard, large enough to hide you completely behind it.

My place?

He merely nodded with a big goofy grin on his face, before grabbing his bag, his book and heading to the living room.

"Mum!" he called, thumping through the hall.

"Yes, I am not deaf," Anne laughed at her son.

"Can I go over to Y/N's to do my homework with her?"

"To do your homework or play videogames?"

"I have a match tonight."

"Ha… so it's really for homework then! Sure, you can go. Bring some snacks if you want, I bought some cookies, the ones she likes."

"Thanks mum! I'll go directly to the field when I'm done…"

"No, you won't. You're going to come back here to drop off your stuff and to get changed and then you'll go to the field."

He heaved a sigh, but complied without arguing.

"Okay. Bye!"

"Love you!"

But Harry was already slamming the front door shut and sprinting towards your house. Your mother was waiting for him with her door open and an amused smile on her face.

"Hello, Harry! How are you today?"

"Great! Thank you, Mrs. Y/L/N!"

"Y/N's in her bedroom. Do you want to bring up some snacks?"

"I've brought some cookies my mum bought today."

"How nice! Well, go ahead then!"

"Thanks!"

He took off his shoes, placing them in the space that was saved for him in the hall, before sprinting up the stairs to your room.

He closed the door behind him.

"Hey! Thanks, I'm struggling with this bloody play!"

You merely chuckled, resting your back against your wall as you sat on your bed.

"It's alright, I haven't started that one yet."

"Have you done maths already?"

"Yep! Just finished."

"Me too. But that English stuff… ugh…"

He climbed on your bed by your side, dragging behind him his notebook, pencils and his Shakespearean play.

Harry gave you some time to catch up with him on the assignment, although he hadn't done much yet. You then spent some time trying to analyse the text and answer the questions on your assignment about the scene.

Harry was annoyed to say the least.

"What are these words, even…" he groaned.

"Come on… some are cute… 'lambkin', that's cute!"

"Lambkin?! You think calling your girlfriend lambkin is cute?"

"I do. It's sweet!"

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Alright, then, I'll call you that from now on. We'll see for how long you find it cute."

You exploded in laughter, the sound enough to erase his grumpy frown.

"That's not fair! I would be the only one with a ridiculous nickname like that!" you protested.

"You are not calling me lambkin. Ever."

"Alright," you shook your head at his silly remark. "After we're done with this, we'll look for a nickname for you."

"I'm going to the field after, I'm playing with the guys."

"That just means I'll choose whatever I want to laugh at you!"

"Wow… scary… lambkin."

You narrowed your eyes at each other, and you considered his banter as a challenge.

"You're gonna regret that, Styles."

"Oh, am I, lambkin?"

But you could only keep up the serious act for a few more seconds, before you both let go and were lost in a fit of laughter.

You did manage to finish your homework on time for Harry to go play football with the guys. You spent the rest of your allowed time before a screen looking for old and ridiculous nicknames to use against Harry on your computer.

You eventually found the perfect one.

His phone beeped after he was back home, about to go to bed. He had changed in his pyjamas and was about to turn off the lights for the night when the sound rang through the room.

"Harry! Go to bed, you have school tomorrow," Anne ordered, as she was passing by in the corridor right at that moment.

"I am going to bed! It's Y/N!"

"If you're not in bed in five minutes…"

"I am going!"

He checked your text all the same.

Y/N: I've found your nickname. You are chuckaboo.

He snorted, answering once he was buried under his blankets.

Harry: What does that even mean?

He put his phone on silence to avoid his mother hearing your response.

Y/N: It's a term of endearment to call a friend. Fits just right. Plus, I think it suits you, chuckaboo.

Harry: You'd better not call me like that at school.

Y/N: Oh, I will :)

He laughed, despite feigning anger in his next response. You merely replied with another smiley face, and wished him good night.

He went to sleep with an amused smile on his face.

It was just a joke, it would last for a few days before you would both grow tired of it. Stupid nicknames that would make you laugh for a while. Or so he thought, at least.

Lambkin and Chuckaboo.

What a ridiculous pair…

Loch Lomond, 2020

Harry kept on holding your hand as you settled around the large table that had been set for your family. The atmosphere was more relaxed as you waited for Amy and her family to join all of you over dinner. Your mom and you sat between your father and Harry, a protection of some sort against the nasty glances that your dad kept on throwing at your fake boyfriend. Dinner was merry, and Amy's family provided a nice distraction for your own family members to focus on. Harry spent most of the evening lost in a deep conversation with Amy's grandfather about 'the music back then', and he seemed to blend in just fine, not that you had ever had any doubt that he would.

One chair though had been left empty. In the large hall decorated with flickering lights, the view upon the loch growing darker and darker as the hours passed, until there was nothing left to see but the stary sky, there was one empty spot. It was for one of Amy's cousins, who had to work late at the hospital in Glasgow, where he worked as a nurse, apparently. Patrick, was his name, and he was set to sit right opposite you. It's only when you were waiting for dessert that he appeared.

And you struggled quite a bit to hide your reaction.

Because Patrick was handsome. Patrick was very handsome. Patrick was also 1000% your type.

And Patrick was set right across from you around the long, rectangular table.

He gave a kiss to his family, was introduced properly by an Amy that was on her way to getting from tipsy to drunk, and he seemed a little embarrassed by her antiques as she praised him for his work in medicine and called all who were single around the table to 'give him a ring'. And you found it cute.

You decided it was your duty, as you were the person sitting across from him, to make some small talk. Anyway, your parents were entertaining a conversation of their own that you weren't particularly interested in, and Harry and Amy's grandfather were lost in a vivid argument about Carole King's best song on Tapestry.

"I'm Y/N!" you introduced yourself with a welcoming smile. "Cassie's cousin."

"Oh, so we're the cousins then! Nice to meet you!" he greeted you with a warm smile as well.

And he had a nice smile. Very nice smile, indeed…

"So… you're a nurse then!"

He ran a hand in his hair, embarrassed.

"Yeah, I am. Sorry about her rant, I think she's had too much to drink."

"It's her wedding, I reckon she has the right to have a little fun."

"I guess. And what do you do for a living?"

You were interrupted by the dessert arriving, and you waited for the waiters to have left to answer.

"I'm studying for a PhD in history."

"Oh, wow."

He seemed genuinely impressed, which was always nice to hear. You waited for the next question to strike what do you do with a PhD in history, but it didn't come. Instead he asked another question, seeming genuinely interested.

"What is your thesis about?"

"The influence and impact of the XIXth century international exchanges and relations on modern politics."

"Wow."

"It's a mouthful," you joked, nodding your head.

"No, no! It sounds very interesting! Where do you study."

"California. But before that I got my degree in Oxford."

"Dear God… I'm sitting in front of the next Nobel Prize."

You laughed, shying away.

"No, absolutely not. Besides, I don't even think there is one to congratulate historians."

"A shame. I would have bet on you."

You did notice the way he shot you a shy smile. And you did notice the way he didn't look away, and didn't look for another conversation to settle into. He was focused on you while you ate your dessert, and you did the same.

Your conversation went on when the coffees and teas were served. And you had to admit that you liked it that way. He was charming, with a cute Scottish accent, and eyes that glimmered in the yellowish light of the room.

It's only when your cup of coffee was empty that Harry took your hand in his again, planting your feet right back to Earth, and reminding you of what you were here for in the first place.

He gave you a smile, before guiding your hand up to his lips to place a kiss over your knuckles, surprising you with the tender gesture and making your heart rush a little more as he looked at you with the tenderest of gazes.

"Are you tired, babe? Or would you like to take a walk with me? I could use some fresh air."

Your heart stumbled a little at the pet name, and you didn't like it. You didn't like it one bit, so you forced the organ to stop its little dance.

"Sure."

You bid everyone a good night -and did notice the disappointed look Patrick gave you as you abruptly ended your conversation in order to leave with Harry - and some other people retreated to their rooms at the same time as you, while you followed Harry outside.

It was cold outside, a heavy wind sweeping skeleton leaves to gather at your feet. You could hear the shushed rumble of conversations on the other side of the windows and the wind caught in the branches and lifting the water of the loch in clapping waves. Harry offered you his arm, and as you noticed that you could still be seen from the table inside, you took it with a grateful smile.

You walked along the shore in silence for a few minutes, your gaze distracted from the dark path by the shining lights above your head, but you weren't worried about falling, not when you were holding Harry's arm. He would catch you before you could fall.

He finally heaved a sigh.

"Well, that wasn't a complete disaster. It went better later on, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I reckon that once the shock had passed, it was alright," you nodded.

"Except for you father, of course. Judging by the way he was eyeing me all night, he probably will try to cut off my balls before the end of the week."

You laughed at that, the sound clear and joyful, luminous over the dark scenery that surrounded you. But the reflexions of the stars over the water was lovely all the same. They seemed brighter to Harry as your laughter echoed a little longer around both of you.

"He's not so fond of the idea. Don't know why."

Harry shrugged.

"Must think I'm not good enough for you."

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

"Anyway… I think we're getting away with it."

"Getting the hang of it, babe?"

"Oh, shut up, chuckaboo."

"Ha, here you are again, back to your normal self. Will you start punching me next?"

"I've never punched you!"

"But you've threatened to do so dozens of times."

"I am very good at boxing."

His smile grew more tender, a little melancholic as well, but you attributed it to the quiet of the place that surrounded you. You were away from the lodge now, enough so for voices to have disappeared. It was only you, Harry, and the whisper of autumn leaves now.

"You're good at everything, Y/N."

There was a moment of silence, while you stared at him. But then, his expression grew a little mischievous, and he faked to be lost in thought.

"Except at cooking, and singing, and playing guitar, and most definitely climbing, and gymnastics, and…"

"Yeah, okay, I get it, you jerk!" you stopped him, punching his arm, although your gesture wasn't violent enough to hurt. Still, Harry dramatically held his arm as if you had thrown him your stronger uppercut.

"See, I knew it! Knew you would end up doing it for real, instead of only threatening me with your punches!"

"Well, you should shut up before I do it again."

"You're so cruel, lambkin," he tried to sound convincing, but the goofy smile upon his lips betrayed his thoughts.

You shook your head at him, wheezing.

You walked in silence for a little longer, before deciding to go back to the lodge. You were still holding Harry's arm, even if no one was around to see the two of you pretend. None of you acknowledge the fact, merely choosing to act as if you weren't. Maybe, a voice in your mind explained it by acting in case someone would bump into the two of you. You knew it wasn't the truth though, but you pretended that it was for the few minutes more that the gesture lasted while you walked on the edge of the water and under the tall trees.

"So… Patrick?" Harry asked after a long silence.

"He's nice!" you answered with a smile. "He's a nice chap!"

"Hmm," Harry nodded. "You did seem to have fun with him tonight. Even thought that maybe you didn't need my services anymore."

"Pfft! Don't be ridiculous! I've just talked with him for 5 minutes."

"Almost an hour, actually."

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"You counted?"

He rolled his eyes at you.

"I just noticed it was a long conversation."

"Hmm…"

"You know, we can still tell the truth to everyone, and you can take your shot with Patrick."

You didn't know how to describe the tone he used to say the man's name, but it wasn't oozing with fondness, that was for certain. You looked at him suspiciously, a smirk creeping its way to your lips.

"Are you… jealous?"

"Jealous? Me?"

"You're the jealous type, don't deny it."

"And don't flatter yourself. We're not really together, remember? Why would I be jealous."

"I don't know, but you sound like you are."

"I'm not jealous."

"Good."

"But do you like him?"

You shrugged.

"I don't know. I think he's attractive. I think he's nice. So…"

"You like him."

"He's alright so far. And he is my type."

Harry raised an eyebrow, before his features molded into a frown instead. His mind couldn't help but compare himself to Patrick, and point out everything that was different between them.

"Am I your type?" he asked after a long silence.

You laughed, taken aback.

"What kind of question is that?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know. Just wondering. I'm playing your boyfriend for a week, but… would I be your type? Had I not met you when we were five and crashed your ice-cream into your face… had you met me tonight instead of Patrick… would you have thought that I was your type?"

You looked away, finally letting go of his arm, and the lack of contact between your two bodies made Harry regret his question.

"I don't know," you lied, before finding back your composure, and shooting him a smile. "But you're my boyfriend for this week. So for the next seven days, you are most definitely my type, honey."

He laughed, shaking his head. You had walked back to the lodge, and he opened the door for you, dramatically bowing before you to let you through first.

"After you, my love."

Harry went first to take a shower, and then it was your turn. Some warm water was just what your tired muscles needed to relax after your busy day. When you walked out of the bathroom, a little bit of fog following you through the door, Harry was lying on the bed, atop the blankets, scrolling on his phone.

He had changed into a comfortable jumper and a pair or pyjama pants that seemed warmed and soft. His curls were still damped, wetting his pillow, but he didn't seem to mind it at all.

He looked up when you stepped out of the bathroom though, and you didn't fail to notice the way his eyes settled on your legs before hurrying to your face while his cheeks blushed.

Your pyjama shorts weren't that short at all, stopping right above your knees. Still, it seemed enough to make Harry's cheekbones and ears turn crimson. You wore an old Treat People With Kindness jumper too, matching his grey hoodie.

"You're alright, Harry?" you asked, rather puzzled by his reaction.

"Sure, why?"

"You're blushing."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"It's nothing. I'm just tired."

You weren't convinced, but chose to drop the subject, your own fatigue weighing on you. So you shrugged instead, finishing to get ready for bed.

You slipped under the covers and heaved a sigh as your head hit the pillow.

"Tired?" he asked, and you could only hum and nod in response.

He hesitated for a second, while you closed your eyes.

"There's an extra blanket. I can sleep on top of the covers, and you under them, if you want."

You opened your eyes again to look at him.

"Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

He considered your question, and shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"I don't really care. But… maybe for tonight, you can do that. Won't you be cold though?"

"It's quite warm in here. And the blanket looks cosy."

"Alright, but don't hesitate to get under the covers if you're too cold. I don't mind if you do."

"Okay," he nodded, before getting up to get the blanket.

He lied down by your side again, getting comfortable, before he would turn off the lamp on his nightstand, and you did the same, letting darkness take over every inch of the room, looking darker than it really was as your eyes got used to the shadows.

"Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

You turned to your side, trying to get comfortable too, and your foot gently bumped into his through the layers of sheets and blankets as you moved.

"Sorry," you quipped, moving your foot away.

"'S okay," he replied, his voice lower than usual.

You let silence settle for a while, but it felt strange. Awkward. There was something unspoken hovering above the two of you, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"I feel weird."

"Weird? You mean sick?" he asked with worry in his tone now.

"No, I mean… it's a little weird sleeping next to you. Why though? We've done that since we were six."

He shrugged, but couldn't deny that he was feeling the same. His heart was beating so fast, he was worried you would hear it in the silent night.

"Maybe it's because we're not children anymore," he whispered.

You hummed in response.

"And we haven't done it in a long time too," you added, and he heard you nodding, your cheek brushing against your pillow.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, his tone hesitant.

"Do you… would you feel better if I took the couch?"

You considered his offer, but shook your head.

"No, I… I don't feel uncomfortable. It's just… strange."

It was his turn to hum.

"Would you feel better on the couch?" you asked him.

"No, it's… it's a nice weird."

"Yeah, it is."

"I'm just… it makes me a little nervous."

"Nervous?"

He made a face, that you couldn't see, but you would have found it adorable if you had.

"I'm afraid I'll wake you up with my snoring. Or speak some nonsense in my sleep. Or you wake up tomorrow morning and see me drooling, with saliva all over my face."

You laughed at him, reaching in the dark to touch his arm. You patted the muscles tenderly.

"Don't worry, chuckaboo. I've seen worse! Seen you throwing up a fair amount of time. Also, I'll just punch you again to wake you up if you start snoring too much."

He laughed, and both of your laughter mingling through the room made most of the tension in the room disappear.

"You're right. Besides, maybe you'll be the one waking me up because of your snoring!" Harry went on.

"I don't snore!" you snorted.

"You do. I've heard you before."

"Well, then, you can wake me up if I do."

You moved your fingers away from his arm, but they lingered on the mattress near him all the same, in the little space between the two of you.

"Sleep well, lambkin," Harry whispered, closing his eyes, and when you answered, you had the same smile on your lips as the one that he wore.

"You too, chuckaboo."

************************************

Taglist : @emcchi @fishstick-knows @eldahae @just-damn-bored @retrouvailessx @marvelstudies2020 @boxofteenageideas@ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters @staringmoony@madamrogers @cronias13 @stylesfics-xx @mellamolayla @mariaenchanted

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles series #series #imagine #writing #event #4700 followers #fanfiction #fanfic

45 notes · View notes

musicalreader17 · 4 years

Text

Bare: a pop opera moments that made me cry

It’s basically the entire musical and I haven’t checked for errors but enjoy reading this very long list and feel free to add any moments I missed out!

Epiphany:

- When bare melody starts to play under the priest talking

- Matt’s part in no voice being in epiphany

- ‘Live by our voices’

You & I:

- The first line comparing them being gay to predators ‘hey little boy would you like a ride’

- ‘Forever you and I’ at the end

Role of a Lifetime:

- ‘Everything’s an act when you’re pleasing everyone’

- ‘Play pretend and once again reprise our roles’

- ‘Never really saying what you mean’

- The key change at navigate this maze

- ‘In the silence will he stay’

Auditions:

- ‘Hear my voice’

- ‘No never mind we have to go’

- ‘For stony limits cannot hold love out’

Plain Jane Fat Ass:

- ‘Dad will be excited’

- ‘I’m a caution for the vain’

- ‘Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role’

- ‘Hurt me, you can’t I have mounds of thick skin’

Wonderland:

- ‘God they’d never understand’

- ‘Life is as it ought to be’

- ‘Too much is a coma breathing slow till you choke’ foreshadowing

Quiet Night at Home:

- ‘Life is lived on other stages’

- ‘Pain adores me god ignores me’

Best Kept Secret:

- ‘All I ever want is there in your eyes’

- ‘To see how deep the world can cut’

- ‘You’re such a coward. And you’re a fool’

- ‘We can’t go on forever all this forever can’t we live for today’ but Jason is the one who introduces ‘forever’ in you & I

Confession:

- Hear my voice tune before Matt and peter go in and when they leave

- ‘If I ever told you’

Portrait of a Girl:

- ‘Now the portrait has captured the girl’

- ‘Add shadows that dance across her skin’

- ‘Stripped bare beneath all the layers would you recognise the girl lying there’

Birthday, Bitch!:

- ‘Why are you so happy’

- Ever after playing at ‘I want to go back to the rave’

- ‘Like what? Like your boyfriend’

One Kiss:

- ‘Why should I be frightened’

- ‘You do know I’m misunderstood’

- The kiss at the end

Are You There?:

- ‘Wish you didn’t hurt so much you cried’

- ‘And if it’s in your power how can you sit idly by’

- ‘They said that things would get better but I guess they lied’

- End of the song is the melody for bare

Reputation Stain’d:

- ‘I need to tell her and I need you to be with me when I do it’

- Jason’s rant when Peter asks him what he’s doing for spring break ‘yes let’s tell your mother so she can call my mother...’

- The argument

- The push

Ever After:

- Just the entire song

- The tempo and melody change from Peter singing to Jason

- ‘You stand before me and I barely know you’

- ‘You slew all my giants ignoring your own’

- ‘You’re such a fool’

- ‘There’s no such thing as heroes who are queer’

- ‘You can’t be the same boy Ive followed’

- ‘You’ve hurt me more than you know’

One:

- ‘But why? There’s something about you Jason’

- ‘Kiss you is what I’m supposed to do’

- ‘Lie with me’

- ‘God you have such pretty eyes’

- ‘Once I had a hero I guess he couldn’t stay’

Wedding Bells:

- See me tune playing at the start

- Bare playing under the vows

- ‘Forever’ sounds like a recurring echo

Touch My Soul:

- ‘Lonely blue eyes’

- ‘Yeah...once’

- ‘I wish to god I felt that way’

- All grown up music at the end

See Me:

- ‘Mom this is important mom you need to listen’

- ‘Mom you need to see me’

- Key change

- ‘Mother you know nothing of them’

- ‘You don’t want to hear it you don’t want to see me can’t bear to see me’

- ‘Open your eyes’

- ‘Please see me’

Warning:

- ‘Did I ever know my son at all’

- ‘Lost in words I cannot say’

- ‘All alone and scared’

- ‘His father will die’

- ‘I don’t want their pity I just want my son’

Pilgrims Hands:

- ‘Lest... lest faith turn to despair’

God Don’t Make No Trash:

- ‘Some folks will act the fool’

- ‘Love is love love is truth’

- The hug

- Absolution music

- ‘If you hide from yourself be someone else for someone else’s sake that would be the greatest mistake’

- ‘Gods got your back and so do I’

- Sister Chantelle was the only person to say gay in the entire show

All Grown Up:

- the entire song just makes me bawl

- ‘Poor ivy stuck wanting the one thing she can’t have’

- ‘Memories that fade and flicker burn again when I pretend’

- ‘Times have changed they rearrange’

- ‘Life is there to interrupt’

- ‘Dream a dream then dash another’

- ‘Story ends in total damage. It’s an unforgiving world’

Promise:

- ‘You have no idea what I’m going through’

- Tune of ever after

- ‘You wanted real well god you give them that’

- Reputation stain’d mimicking

- ‘I’m sorry... No. You know what I’m not’

- ‘I need you to help me. I tried’

- No voice at the end

Once Upon a Time:

- ‘Once upon a time I first held held your hand and love was not a crime’

- ‘Trapped alone here’

- ‘Cold church soul search’

- ‘Could you really love someone like me’

- ‘It’s so hard’

Cross:

- ‘I’ve tried to be strong I’ve tried to belong’

- ‘I can’t I can’t’

- ‘Not okay not for me’

- ‘I’m in such a desperate place’

- ‘I don’t belong I always thought this was wrong’

- ‘Am I okay is it okay’

- Bare playing at the end

Two Households:

- Role of a lifetime plays when Lucas gives Jason the drugs

- Role of a lifetime ‘what if we escape this’

- ‘Just think about it please’

- Hear my voice tune when Jason takes the drugs

Bare:

- The entire song knowing Jason is going to die

- ‘How did I unlearn the truth you have to me’

- ‘The moment of truth when I knew who I was’

- ‘A parting of souls as I try to move on’

- ‘I’ve never been this bare’

- ‘Knowing who we have to be’

- ‘We’re Forever you and I’

- ‘Please understand that I tried’

- ‘It’s not goodbye’

- ‘Here in a world where there’s safety in falsehood I have discovered the one thing that’s real’

- ‘That I love you’

- ‘Please know I loved you’

- The kiss at the end

Queen Mab:

- ‘Tis no wit to go’

- All the references to dreams

- ‘And sleeps again’

- ‘Peace, Mercutio peace’

- ‘God Jason you’re flying’

- Bare playing

- Jason collapsing

- Peter removing his mask as Jason dies

A Glooming Peace:

- The lyrics

- No backing music

Absolution:

- role of a lifetime music

- ‘You hid behind a screen knowing how much empathy might mean’

- ‘That’s natural’ - unlike how the church see their relationship

- ‘Did you know how much he loved’

- ‘Lost in the teachings was a boy so all alone and scared’

- ‘Nothing else brought me closer to god’

- ‘And I forgive you father’

No Voice:

- ‘I’ll leave a chair for you’

- ‘I never found the words to say always thought we’d talk some day’

- ‘How do I make sense of what I’ve gained and what I’ve lost’

- ‘Perfect mess’

- Matts speech coming back

- ‘If maybe we were silent or we had spoken’

- ‘All done in your name’ referring to god

- ‘How did a simple love get complicated’

- ‘In a world that’s quick to judge’

- ‘It’s so hard to find your way when you have no voice to guide you’

- Change from saying no to saying one

- ‘One voice’

- That cadence at the end leaving it open

#bare a pop opera #bare uses up all my tears #musicals make me cry #i love bapo #bapo #add your own moments please

53 notes · View notes

spadesinglasses · 4 years

Text

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut.

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind. BUT hey he might be Bi people!

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend.

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous.

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay.

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into.

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST? BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender.

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy?

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist!

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is, communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc. I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

#Glass thoughts #love victor #love victor spoilers #this exhausted #me

2 notes · View notes

lunatens · 5 years

Text

black out

word count: 4131

genre: like,, a little angst at the beginning but then just lots o fluff

pairing: yang jeongin x gender neutral reader

summary: best friends to lovers, sequel to this (you don’t really have to read it first but it’s short and also will give more context so why not)

song rec: friend zone - AB6IX

a/n: this has been in my mind for so long but I put it on the backburner to work on other stuff but I finally GOT TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE IT and oof it’s so long like by far the longest thing ive written here idk how that happened but it did!! so enjoy <3

jeongin towel-dries his hair, walking from the bathroom to his bed after his post-practice shower. it's late, and all he can think about is sleep--that is, until, he glances at his phone to see a missed call from you from 5 minutes ago and he frantically rushes to pick up his phone, clumsy fingers shaking with nerves as he calls you back. it's been about a month since you and chan became official, and the only times jeongin's seen you in that month have been when you come over to visit chan--you'll usually throw jeongin a casual wave and smile (maybe, occassionally, a "hey!") in passing. the couple times jeongin's attempted to make plans with you all ended up cancelled for one reason or another, so eventually he stopped trying. you'll return his texts every other day or so, and they're always friendly, but not like they used to be.

so, naturally, jeongin is quite shocked to see your name on his screen; to see that you have called him for once. you pick up after the second ring, and jeongin's heartbeat picks up pace at the sound of your voice.

"hey jeongin," you greet him softly.

"h-hey y/n, what's up? sorry, i was in the shower so i missed your call," he replies, trying to keep calm.

"oh, that's okay, i was just thinking, um, it's been a while since we've really hung out and...can you come over jeongin?" you say, and jeongin can easily pick up on the slight waiver in your voice; he's known you long enough to know when you're on the verge of tears and to know when you need him at your side. he can tell you're trying to be casual and calm, but when he catches the quiet sniffle after you say his name he's tugging on the first clothes he can find and struggling to pull on his shoes while still keeping the phone tucked between his shoulder and his ear.

"yes! yes, of course, y/n, i'll be there as soon as i can," he says, and you let out a sigh of relief at his words.

"thanks jeongin, i-i'll see you soon," you say before hanging up. jeongin practically runs out the door, leaving a very confused and mildly concerned felix and minho behind in the living room as he breezes past them on his way out of the dorm. his hair is still slightly damp from his shower, and the night air is chilly, but he doesn't care as he makes his way to your house as fast as he can. he doesn't bother knocking (you two are way past that point) but rather bursts into your house and towards your room, pausing to knock lightly at your door. nothing happens for a moment, and it's silent save for the creak of your bed and shuffle of your feet as you get up, flinging your bedroom door open wide and pulling jeongin into your room and into a tight hug. he gently nudges the door closed behind you, then stands frozen for a moment, not quite sure what to do but let you wrap your arms around him, face buried in his chest. his head is spinning a little with the sudden excitement of having you back in his life and in his arms, old feelings he tried to ignore after you got together with chan quickly resurfacing, and his heart tingles to have you with him again. he pushes his feelings aside for now, though, because when you let out a quiet sob he knows what you need right now is your best friend. he reciprocates your embrace, holding you tight to his body while you cry.

you stay like that for a while, crying into jeongin's chest while he's there to hold you, gently stroking your hair to try and help you calm down, no words spoken between you--he knows you'll talk when you're ready. eventually, when your sobs turn to sniffles, you pull away, looking at jeongin with red eyes and a snotty nose.

"chan and i are over," you say, looking down at the floor. jeongin is shocked at your news; last he checked, you and chan were doing well, and the two of you were happy together. he sits on the edge of your bed, patting the area beside him to invite you to sit with him. you oblige, leaning into jeongin's side, and he hopes you can't hear how his heart races at your touch.

"oh my gosh, i'm so sorry, what happened? do i need to fight him? well, i'm not sure i could do that, but i'd try my best for you," he says, and you laugh softly at his words.

"no, it's okay, it was mutual. we just weren't right for each other, i guess. we've decided to still be friends though, so it's all good," you say with a sigh.

"oh, that's...good?" jeongin says, furrowing his brows in confusion--why on earth are you so upset if the breakup was mutual and friendly? you seem to read his mind, answering his question before he can even ask it.

"i really missed you, jeongin." you say, and you start welling up with tears again. "i'm so sorry i was such an awful friend; i totally left you behind for chan, and that was really awful of me. but yeah, spending more time with chan i realized, um, you're really important to me and i really missed you and i know i really messed up, i'm sorry jeongin, " you rant, and you pull away from jeongin to wipe at your tears.

"it's okay, y/n, of course i forgive you," he says, voice almost a whisper as he tentatively reaches up to brush a tear from your cheek. you smile at him softly in return, and he can see the relief in your eyes.

"thanks, jeongin. i love you," you say, pulling him into another hug, and jeongin's heart breaks a little bit, knowing you mean it just as a friend and nothing more.

"i love you too," he mumbles back, knowing he means it differently than you, but the sentiment is still the same; you're his world, and he cares about you so much--as long as you're happy, he's happy.

when you've both had a chance to calm down from the situation a bit, you catch jeongin trying to stifle a yawn.

"oh my god, it's so late! i'm so sorry, you must be so tired," you say, glancing at the clock. "i don't want to make you go home by yourself at this hour, do you wanna just stay here? have a sleepover for old times sake?" you say, a shy grin tugging at your lips. jeongin can't hold back his smile as he agrees, going to pull out the little spare mattress he uses to sleep on your floor.

"um, if you want, we can just share my bed, it's way more comfortable than the floor," you say (a little awkwardly). there's no way to hide the way jeongin's entire face flushes red, and you laugh as he stands there trying to stutter a response. "it's okay, jeongin," you say, rolling your eyes at the shy and awkward boy and grabbing his hand to pull him under the covers. you flick off the light, leaving the two of you in darkness, only able to see faintly through the dim light of the street lamp outside that trickles in through a crack in your blinds. you're both curled up facing each other, but there's still quite a lot of space between you.

"goodnight, jeongin, thanks again for everything," you whisper.

"it's really nothing, y/n--what are friends for? goodnight," he whispers back, and you hear the covers rustle as he turns around to face away from you--you can't help but smile at how he's perched as close as humanly possible to the edge of the bed as he can be without falling off. soon enough you hear his soft snoring, and you let out a nervous breath you didn't realize you'd been holding in. see, the real reason you and chan broke up was because the more time you spent with him, the more you missed jeongin, and the more you realized you were in love with your best friend. chan was very understanding when you explained things to him, and, frankly, not surprised. while you and chan got along well and everything, you realized you never felt quite the same towards him as you did towards jeongin. you were able to end things well with chan, but you were worried you'd ruined everything with jeongin--not just your chances as a relationship, but your entire friendship, so you were grateful when he was able to forgive you. you heart sinks a little when you remember his words, "what are friends for" and you wonder if that's all you'll ever be to him; a friend. there were moments in your friendship you wondered if he had feelings for you, but you had pushed those all aside, not even aware of your own feelings at the time. now, you can't help but worry you've ruined all chances with him--all you can do now is be grateful he's willing to still be friends with you, and with that thought, you drift off to sleep.

"bye y/n, see you later!" jeongin calls to you as you wave from the end of the driveway, making your way home after hanging out and watching movies all afternoon with jeongin. it's been a couple weeks since you guys started hanging out again, and you now spend pretty much every moment of your free time together--you both say it's making up for all the time you missed out on while you were with chan, but the members all groan at the sight of you two mutually pining for each other from a distance, both too scared to do anything (jeongin nearly murdered felix the other day for trying to whisper across the room for jeongin to "just kiss you already").

his eyes follow you fondly as he watches through the front window, unable to wipe the giddy smile from his face or to hide the quiet giggle at how you dance a little as you walk, the music from your headphones fueling your movements. once you're out of sight, the dark street lit only by the buzzing orange glow of the streetlamps and no longer by your presence, jeongin turns to head back to his room only to connect with a broad chest in his way. startled, he takes a couple steps back to see who's in his way, only to be met face to face with chan. he raises his eyebrows at jeongin, whose rose-tinted cheeks only confirm chan's suspicions.

"you and y/n seem awful close lately, jeongin," chan says, folding his arms smugly.

"it's late, so uh, i think i should probably get to bed..." jeongin tries to change the topic, attempting to push past chan but the older boy throws his arm around jeongin's shoulders and tousles his hair.

"you can't keep secrets from me, jeongin, i know you've got a little crush on y/n," chan teases, and jeongin wiggles to try and worm his way out from under chan's arm, causing chan to laugh affectionately at the younger boy.

"go away, chan!!"

"aww, it's okay, i won't tell her! you should do something about it though, it's sickening the way you two look at each other. like, just ask each other out already!" chan says to jeongin with an exasperated sigh. jeongin gives up trying to escape from chan, knowing there's no way to avoid his questioning.

"she's my best friend though, i don't wanna ruin that! what if she doesn't like me back..." jeongin's voice trails off at the end of his sentence, and chan's heart breaks a little at jeongin's sadness.

"you're really quite oblivious, huh. listen, invite her over after practice tomorrow, do whatever you want, but i really think you should consider telling her how you feel, you might be surprised," chan says, then adds "if you don't do something about it soon, i'll do it for you," giving jeongin a final pat on the back before heading away to his room.

"wait, what do you mean surprised?? what are you doing?!" jeongin calls after him anxiously.

"goodnight, jeongin," chan simply responds in a sing-song voice, not bothering to turn around before entering his room and closing the door behind him. jeongin stands there, blinks a couple times in confusion, then pulls out his phone to invite you over tomorrow night for typical netflix and snacks and lounging around (of course, you say yes in a heartbeat).

the doorbell rings, signaling your arrival, and jeongin sends a worried glance to chan, felix and minho, who are all hanging out in the living room trying to act casual (really, they're just nosy--although chan says he's here for moral support). the three of them flash jeongin a thumbs up, and, taking a deep breath, he goes to open the door.

"hey, jeongin!" you say as you walk in. "i couldn't decide what flavour of chips to bring, so i brought like 3 kinds, is that okay?" you ask.

"yep!" jeongin replies, although his voice cracks, which doesn't help his confidence or his nerves. you merely giggle, blushing as you "accidentally" brush your arm against his on your way inside.

"hey guys," you say, waving to the three boys on the couch. you pause for a moment in confusion; chan is positioned a little too perfectly on the couch, and the magazine felix and minho are reading is held upside down, but you decide not to think too much of it and you head to jeongin's room anyways. jeongin shoots daggers from his eyes at the boys, who all beam angelically at him in response.

you're halfway through the first movie, propped up against a mountain of pillows and blankets on jeongin's bed, when all of a sudden the lights in the room flicker off. jeongin frowns and reaches to flick the lightswitch a few times, but to no avail.

"that's weird," he says, double checking all electronics in his room to find they're all turned off. "i guess the power must have gone out?"

"spooky," you say with a half-hearted laugh, bringing a blanket up to your chin, and it's only now that jeongin remembers you're terrified of the dark.

"okay, uh, it's gonna be okay y/n, uh, i'll go see if any of the members have candles or something, i'll be right back," he says, turning to leave the room.

"wait!" you call, and jeongin turns around so fast he almost loses his balance and falls. "don't leave me alone," you say in a small voice, sliding off the bed and fumbling across the dark room towards jeongin; you find him, and in the dark your hand searches for his, grasping on tightly once you find it. his palms are a little sweaty, but it's okay because yours are too. you huddle close behind jeongin as he carefully leads you through the halls; the two of you soon discover, however, that the dorms are empty.

"they must've gone to get food or something..."jeongin says, eyes narrowing in suspicion when he notices a box left on the kitchen table. he pulls out his phone flashlight to examine it (ignoring how you stay clinging onto his arm the whole time; if he thinks about it too much, he'll get flustered), and upon opening the box finds several candles, some matches, and a tiny photo album.

"that box wasn't there when i got here, was it?" you question, just as suspicious as jeongin; chan obviously knows about your feelings for jeongin, so you have a sneaky suspicion this is somehow all his doing.

"no, it wasn't. we might as well use it though," jeongin says, giving in to whatever the boys are trying to do. he picks up the box in one arm and clumsily leads you by the harsh white light of his phone back to his room. he guides you to his bed, letting you get cozy while he lights candles all around his room (you giggle when it takes him a few tries to light a match properly, and when he nearly lets the match burn a little too close to his fingertips, letting out a frantic "ahh!" as he shakes the flame from the tiny piece of wood). you keep a watchful eye on him, feeling a little less anxious now that the room is aglow with flickering golden light, the flames casting shadows that dance across jeongin's face, concentrated as he focuses on lighting each and every candle, and you think it makes him somehow even more beautiful.

once you're fairly certain he isn't going to light himself or the room on fire, you reach into the box to pull out the photo album. your breath hitches when you open it to the first page, running your fingers over the smooth surface of the plastic pocket that the little 4x6 photograph sits in. it's a photo of you and jeongin on your first day of kindergarten, the two of you standing proudly beside each other, big smiles (complete with missing front teeth) on both of your faces. you smile fondly; you and jeongin have been best friends for as long as you can remember; your parents were close friends, so naturally, you were with each other all the time.

"what is it?" jeongin says curiously, and you feel him crawl across the bed to sit beside you. you can feel his tiny exhales on your shoulder, the air hot on your skin as he hovers beside you to see, almost leaning into you but not quite. "oh, haha," he realizes, little puffs of air tickling you as he giggles softly at the picture. your skin tingles with goosebumps at his proximity, and you tuck your hair behind your ear. "we were so small," he says, and you turn just slightly so you can see the wide grin on his face, matching the one in the picture, and you think not much has changed. your fingers flick through the glossy plastic pages, and you spend the next 20 minutes or so laughing and sharing memories of your childhood.

as you progress through the album, time in the photos passes as the two of you grow older--you reminisce on the day the two of you got your braces on (you insisted you get them on at the same time, although pages later you find the picture of you beaming braces-less while jeongin sulks beside you, mouth still full of metal, and the two of you giggle at the look on his face; you lightly shove jeongin's shoulder playfully, and even in the low candlelight you can't miss the way his cheeks burn red at your touch). the pictures get more and more recent, turning more into pictures you and jeongin have taken of each other rather than ones taken by your parents--there's the time you went to the fair, and when you learned how to roller skate together, and when you went to the petting zoo and held a snake--you're smiling, but your eyes send a pleading look to jeongin behind the camera; you remember almost peeing your pants you were so scared, and jeongin just laughed at you, promising to buy you a milkshake after as consolation.

you finally reach the last picture--the remaining few pages of the album are empty--and the two of you let out a little gasp in unison. up to this point, jeongin's recognized all of the pictures (he makes a mental note to thank his mom for giving chan all those childhood pictures, and also to not leave his phone unlocked around chan, although luckily it worked out in jeongin's favour this time). it's a simple picture, recent; just taken at the dorm, nowhere fancy--who took the picture, neither of you know, but that can wait until later. you and jeongin are sitting on the couch in the dorm living room; it must've been one of your late night conversations, where you just sit on the couch in your pjs and talk about anything and everything. the picture shouldn't have been anything special, but it's impossible to miss the way you two look at each other, doubled over in laughter at something one of you said, eyes locked in a gaze that says in that moment no one else in the world existed, just the two of you locked in your own little world. you almost feel that way now, and you wonder if jeongin feels the same.

you turn your head to look at him, searching his eyes for something you know by now is already there; it's there in the way he's always there to talk to you no matter how tired he is, or the way he's always willing to watch your favourite movie no matter how many times you've seen it, or the way his eyes look at you now, sparkling and wide with realization, and you know he's thinking the same thing as you.

"y/n, i-" he starts, but before he can say anything you're leaning in to give him the softest of kisses, your lips melting against his like you were made for each other. it's an innocent, gentle kiss that only lasts a couple seconds, but it says everything you can't find the words to say out loud. you pull away, shock plastered over both of your faces as you sit silent for a moment before erupting in embarrassed giggles, and you find your hands grasping at his shirt to pull him back into your lips, although the kiss this time is really half kiss and half smiles and laughter, cheeks burning, shy and timid, but excited about these new progressions. you and jeongin have never been overly touchy-feely--just the right amount, you would say--so being this close to him is strange at first, yet it feels so right at the same time. no words need to be said; you've known each other long enough to know what’s running through the other’s mind, and the giddy energy that radiates off of you only encourages more laughter and more cuddles.

the power flickers back on, and you blink your eyes at the sudden brightness. aggressive whispers can be heard from the other side of jeongin's bedroom door, and there's a gentle knock before the door opens without waiting for an answer. several heads peek in as pretty much all of the members take in the scene of you and jeongin nestled up against each other; you both shrink down into the blankets more out of shyness and you turn to bury your face in his sweater, trying to hide from the nosy boys, but the action only elicits a chorus of cooing from the members (and fake vomiting from someone--you think it’s jisung). you catch hyunjin begrudgingly hand a $20 bill over to a smug seungmin, earning a smack on the wrist and a stern glare from chan, who then smirks at the sight of the candles decorating the room and the photobook spread open on the covers.

"well then, that was quite a random power outage..."chan says, not subtle at all as the boys murmur agreements. "just popping in to make sure you guys are okay, we'll be leaving now," he says ushering everyone out and mouthing a "you're welcome" before closing the door and leaving you alone again.

"well, thank god for chan and his crazy plans or this might have never happened," you say, leaning your head on jeongin's shoulder.

"hey, it still could've happened!" jeongin says in defense, although you both know you're both way too chicken to ever take initiative on your own.

"mhm, sure," you say, planting a tiny kiss on his cheek. you're not sure you'll ever get used to the feeling of your lips on his, or how his skin brushes against yours, or how every time he looks at you, you still feel the butterflies dance in your stomach; although now they're less from nerves and more from an overwhelming love for your best friend--boyfriend, now, you remind yourself. it still doesn't feel real, but that night as you fall asleep (sleeping in jeongin's bed feels a little more awkward now that you're more than just friends), listening to his soft breathing, studying the rise and fall of his chest and the perfect curve of his lips, the gentle fluttering of his eyelids as he dreams, nothing could be more real.

163 notes · View notes

lovelycharmingvillain · 5 years

Text

I SWORE I WASNT GONNA POST ANOTHER “IM SORRY IVE BEEN INACTIVE” UPDATE BUT

a lot has happened, gonna ramble below the cut

TLDR: I had to travel across the country with my two cats to stop them getting poisoned and I can't bring them home until 2 weeks have passed

(Both cats are absolutely fine and in peak health, do not worry)

Sooooooo we got our house sprayed with flea poison because it had slowly become infested and our cats were going nuts scratching. We took both cats, Maple and Nimbus, out of the house during the day it was being sprayed, and didn't bring them back until 4 hours after it had settled (the time frame we were instructed to wait so it would be safe for them). The guy who we hired has been our decorator for years, very trustworthy man, and also specialises in pest control as that's his main job. He assured us this stuff is completely non-toxic to cats and that he's used it in many homes with pets for 20 years, and never had a single problem.

A few hours after they're home, Maple starts acting really weird. She isn't lethargic at all, but her paw keeps hitting the ground when she's grooming, like she can't balance right, and she keeps sort of flattening herself against the floor for no apparent reason. She was also walking strangely, with a sort of stumble, again off-balance, and keeps running off in a frantic way.

I know Maple’s every mannerism- I know what it means when she flicks her tail in a certain way, what each different meow means, when she wants food or affection or to play. I'd never seen her acting like this and knew that something was wrong, and that combined with the fact that bug poison was all over the house really concerned me, so I woke my parents up and we took her to the emergency vet. (My dad actually got really annoyed and said there was nothing wrong with her, and ohhhh boy am I glad I insisted he listen to me cause he was about to go back to bed and he's the only one who can drive. I'm actually pretty mad about how he acted cause Maple would have died without treatment but that's a whole other rant)

The vet immediately recognises something is very wrong, basically agrees with everything I've said. She asks what chemical was used in the house and we don't know cause the guy didn't tell us, and it's about 4:00 am at this point so his phone goes straight to voicemail. The vet says that all of Maple’s symptoms fit with this poison that is super toxic to cats and potentially fatal, but she can't be sure what's going on until the pest control guy calls back, and therefore she can't use a specific treatment in case it's something else. Maple’s legs were twitching, and the vet said worst case scenario she has a seizure, but that cats who are poisoned usually decline really fast, so the fact that Maple isn't seizuring already is a good sign.

We leave Maple overnight at the animal hospital, and as soon as we're out of the building I break down in tears because the idea that she might die is unbearable. I don't exaggerate when I say we're closer than most humans are to each other, and I'd literally give my life for her. In the last two years, we've had two cats die almost exactly a year apart, and I couldn't take the thought of a third death. Nimbus is also super close to Maple, almost a surrogate son to her, and I was so scared of how he'd cope without her.

So now we have to figure out what to do with Nimbus overnight, since the house is potentially toxic. We eventually clear out a closet that wasn't sprayed, cover the floor with paper just to be safe, and set up a little room for him there. He hasn't shown any signs of illness but because it can progress so fast I have to stay up with him all night in case he deteriorates too.

Aaaaand it was the worst night of my life. I was already massively sleep deprived and now have to stay up till morning, both to make sure Nimbus is okay and to listen for a phone call from the vets. Basically I know that if she calls before 7:00am that's bad news, so I'm constantly on edge wondering if the phones gonna ring and I'll be told that Maple is dead.

But thank fuck she calls at about 7:30 and says that Maple is doing really well- the treatment seemed to work wonders and now she's walking better and eating food. It turns out the poison the guy used wasn't the toxic one she suspected it was, and actually is supposed to be safe for cats, but Maple just had a very rare reaction to it.

I'll skip the details cause holy shit this is long already but she's given the all clear later that day and we’re able to pick her up. Problem is we've only got that tiny little closet that we can safely keep the cats in, and no one we know is able to look after them (the vet advised at this point that we wait at least a week before letting the cats back in the house, two weeks to be safe).

Since we can't keep the cats cooped up in that room much longer we have to find somewhere quick, and the only place we can think of is our holiday home, which is a five hour drive away. So I'm like “"well, guess I'm taking a holiday”, and lug my suitcase plus two cat carriers on a four hour train journey which was uhhh not fun.

AND NOW IM HERE, OUT IN THE COUNTRY WITH TWO VERY CONFUSED KITTIES

So yeah, this was a very unexpected situation and I'm still recovering from the stress of it all, which is why I've only been getting out a handful of replies at a time. God, sorry this went on for so long, I just needed to vent

Both cats are doing great now! Maple is back to full health and sprinting all over the house, and Nimbus is his normal, goopy self. I can't express how relieved I am that they're okay, holy shit, I think I've had enough stress in the last few days to last a year

ANYWAY

Despite what all this rambling might suggest, I'm okay. I’ve got the house to myself and there's WiFi and Netflix and CATS- it's the dream holiday really, circumstance aside.

YEAH SO I DONT KNOW WHAT IM EVEN TRYING TO SAY BUT I LOVE YALL AND I HOPE THIS IS THE LAST MAJOR SETBACK FOR A LOOOONG WHILE

#cat #pet illness #pet injury #ooc #ramblings #personal #vent #death mention

9 notes · View notes

crystal-mocha · 3 years

Text

Rant 3

Okay I got the right font sorted out.

Im moving houses tomorrow. All of my futniture is at my new house except my mattress. So im stuck sleeping in this dark room, by myself on a mattress which is just on my floor.

I guess other people have it worse though. Im sat in the bath right now. I dont usually have baths but it just felt needed today. Im 17 and a straight white male having a bath at 1am. Most people think I have it good, and I do but my mental stability doesnt.

I lay here with the water 2 inches above my chest. I have lil peep playing on my phone thinking how I kind of relate to him? You'd argue that I dont but I think I might.

Oh and that TV show, bojack horseman. Everyone relates to at least one character but not usually Bojack himself. I do relate to Bojack though, well thats what I think. He's written to be unliked, is that how I am?

It would make sense.

She didnt text me today. Thats not her fault though. I texted her first the past couple of days but not today. She didnt text first. I didnt either. If she wanted to talk she wouldve said hi or something.

Why am I complaining? I did this to myself. Its my fault remember. I was toxic to her in the past, she had an abortion last Saturday and she broke up with her Ex of 8 months a little over 1 week ago.

Am I stupid. Of course she wouldnt want to talk with all of that on her mind. Oh god I live her still. Its hard.

The bath has gone cold. Hah relatable.

She added me to her private story of snapchat. She uploaded a cute short video of her smiling. Her looks have changed which I dont mind at all. Long silky black hair. Pale skin. Black lipstick and black eyeliner. Shes goth but I know that so I dont know why I said that.

Shes so pretty, so so fucking pretty then Im sat here feeling sorry for my 5'7-built-like-a-stick self. I dont even look attractive in the slightest.

I really do feel stupid writing this. Why am I doing this? Is it for attention? For people to feel sorry for me?

But like I said yesterday, I feel trapped. I cant talk to her, I cant talk to anyone so this stupid tumblr post is all ive got.

Im sorry for hurting you Charlotte.

Yesterday I said I would like you to find this but with how pathetic Im sounding right now I dont think I would want you to see.

I took art in college because I have a wonderful imagination, I will give me that. But all I can think about is how sweet the dark colour of red would look like in the bath if I slit my wrists and throat. Not a bad idea but Ive packed my razor away and Its at my new house.

I dont even have wifi, im using my data but at least it helps me cope.

Its been 15 minutes since I started this rant or whatever the fuck this is. Im still waiting for a text off her but I know she wont. She wont. She hates me so much and I feel so powerless. What do I do..

Suicide genuinely seems like an option. I need the pain to stop.

Im starting my second year of college in a week. These 6 weeks off have been utter shit. Ruined myself. And going back to school is going to get so much worse.

I want a hug. A shoulder to cry on. Some human affection but that feels so distant.

Why would she add me to her private story but not text me at all today? Im confused. Was I supposed to comment on her looks? Thats the first time Ive seen her in over a year. Was I supposed to say something? Was she making me jealous? I dont get it. I dont get much aha.

Truth is I know Im scared to get out of the bath. I know I'll break down again. I dont want to move, I dont want to live but I think ive stretched that enough and Im now getting annoying.

Asking all these questions, feeling sorry for myself, calling myself pathetic only makes me even more pathetic. Isnt that right Kayden? I dont have to answer that, I know im not overthinking either, Ive always been self aware.

If I could go back in time 3 years, 2018, what would I tell my younger self. Well Id be 14, 2 years into my depression or whatever this shit life is. Id tell myself to save myself all this pain and kill myself. Telling a child to kill themselves sounds horrible but its fine because that child is me. I should've done it.

My mum attempted to kill herself a year ago now. She survived after 3 days in hospital. She wouldve OD'd. We've all become aware of the signs after that but they only focus on her. Why cant they see I'm struggling? I cant kill myself now after seeing what my mum's attempt did to my Dad and my sister.

No way out. No way to escape. No way to just be happy. Im so alone.

The bath is cold. Ive said that havent I? Im so alone in this stupid bath. Im so sad.

Please at least say 'night' or something Charlotte.. something, anything to show that I've crossed your mind at least once today. Please.

Well I'll get out of the bath now. Ive been writing for 31 minutes. If I dont write tomorrow then I'm hopefully dead. Lol

0 notes

sainadazai · 3 years

Text

When your crush is angry all the time

Ch.5

"I don't think fire's all that bad, you know"

3rd person pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

As the sun hung high in the sky the h/t haired girl stumbled around the train station in search of a restroom. Y/n had never experienced the mundane tasks a commoner would usually persue on a daily. Things like public transit, or any transit for that matter, were an enigma to her.

So while elder men stared a little too long and young children pointed at her in recognition, she spun in circles like a lost puppy.

"Its just a fucking bathroom, should there be someone here to direct people or something! Ugh and whats with the school girl fetish, these old guy are creeps..." she mumbled to herself continuing to get more and more lost on the platform.

Meanwhile, the rest of 1-A were making their way to internships as well, Midoriya scrolled into some old guys house, Kirishima bumped into his metal replica, and Bakugou held his grump posture and nonchilauntly entered the top 3 heros agency. He was expecting to at least learn something from this guy, or gain real life experience with villains. He never anticipated being scrutinized for his personality. No shit I'm scary, Im trying to kill shitty villains not make teenage girls put a picture of me on their wall.

For the first day of this new challenged everbody seemed to be having a ridiculously mundane time. Not y/n, though. No our main character was going through it, once she made it to the restroom, she got confused by how easily the toilet paper ripped in her hand and spent 20 minutes trying to get at least one whole time out of the stubborn roll. Then, when she opened up her bag to view the new hero-suot her mother helped design...she found strings¿

She ended up having to look at an example picture and read a guide on how to put what where. It took an additional hour considering the tightness of everpiece of fabric and when she stepped out of the stall to look in the mirror, she deadpanned. How could her mother hate her this much? It was already a burden being so sexy, but this? This was crazy.

She wasnt sure weather she should take a million photos, or never leave the bathroom and cry all day. However when her phone rang, a call from Mr.Woods agency, she realized how late she already must be.

In her rush, y/n also forgot about the creeps men and was recieving many stares, that went unnoticed. Until somebody had the audacity to touch her. It was just a ghost of his finger tips on the underneath of her ass that was no doubt on full display. That would not go accepted, as a girl who had turned her past trauma into nothing but a small personality traits, she wasnt scared. Still, as a woman who absolutely idolizes herself, or so she says, no one in this train station deserved the touch of her perfect, shiny, s/c skin.

The last error that secured her terrible first day was how y/n spun around and grabbed the mans fingertips. When she took a glance at him, he was smiling as if he had acomplished something. Boy was he wrong, only coming to realized so when the y/h girl suddenly had sprouted a vine from his finger.

He watched in fear as it began to grow and wrap around him, all the while the young girl he'd never met before let out a sickening aura that couldve suffocate him then and there. The vine continued to curl up around his middle and ring finger, slowly meeting the flash of his palm.

Once the growing stopped, y/n had almost decided to let him go. A part of her new that her plan wasn't well thought through, and he could be an innocent guy that accidentally touched her.

However, aggression outwayed logic and she looked him deep in the eye.

"You like using these fingers to touch things your not supposed to?"

"N-n-"

"Shhh, dont worry, im just gonna make sure you dont go touching things that arnt yours, okay?" She made an aggresive fist with the hand not touching him and the vine squeezed in. Anyone a foot away would be able to tell, but the both of them could hear how his two fingers snapped and bent under the pressure.

With a satisfied grin at the whispering man, y/n decided he had learned his lesson. Wow look at that, and I didnt even need some manly hero to come save me. Atta girl y/n.

Little did she know that not only did her pro-hero boss come to look for her, but je also saw the whole disaster. He was not pleased to say the least.

Y/n pov

°•○●○•°•○●○•°

As the tree like man sat down in his office chair across from me, all I could do was look to my feet. I didnt feel particularily had about my actions, however, I did feel bad about being late.

While it is fun to be spontanious and act like theres nothing to lose, I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to control the earth aspect of my quirk. Ill never admit it if someone asks, but sometimes the only way I can sleep at night is knowing how strong my quirk is. Knowing that they cant hurt me if I stay strong.

Still, it just seems that as I grow older, the people trying to get to be get bolder and more powerful. Some might even say...they get smarter, too. Thats a scary thought; that if I want to stay alive at all I need to be constantly improving. I am not sure if I want to stay alive or not, but Ill be damned if dying or living isnt my choice.

Feeling the need to break the silence, I began my rant on all the reasons I had come up with that justify my actions. I was planning it on the way out here.

"Look, im sorry mr.woods. I know im not very heroic and shit, but when perverts to pervert things somebody has to do something, and its not like anybody else there would have scared a glance if I didnt save myself-"

"Your wrong."

"Huh- I wasnt done. Anyways i-"

"L/n you are wrong."

"Dude im trying to-"

"There was heroes on patrol, how else did you think i found you? There were real heroes ready to protect you, if you had simply shouted people would have been alarmed of such. I dont understand kids and their need to do everything alone." He rolled his eyes behind his mask and continued to stare at me.

"Excuse me but I dont think your in a place to comment on how I react to myself being touched. He was gonna get my skin dirty and for what, two seconds of his school girl fantasy. Ew."

"Your skin....dirty?"

"Yes, he is nowhere near my standards on someone who should be allowed to touch me...not even a brush of the fingers..ugh!"

"Alright well, I cant get you in trouble because then I get in trouble...so, tell me about your quirk while we go on patrol."

His chair sqeaked against the floor as he stood up and it slid back. Then he motioned for me to follow by painting out the door.

Relieved that I didn't have to talk about all the fake reasons people aren't allowed to touch me, and that I could finally get outside so my quirk would stop suffocating me, I was quick to exit the building.

I'm not sure if its the fact that ive only been using a forth of her, but my quirks side effects have been so shitty recently. To the point that our school nurse estimsted my new rate for being inside for an extended period of time was about three hours.

I havent actually combusted in years, but I've been close and god does it hurt. My chest starts to squeeze and I can feel all the energy drain from my body, then pieces of me start to get hold and cold at the same time.

"So what really is your quirk?"

I looked up at the hero next to me as we continued on down the street of the inner City.

"How much did Aizawa tell you?"

"I-he said...she has all the right elements? And told me I'd figure it out.." He scratched the back of his head.

I smirked at that. Who knew aizawa actually listened to the words I said. I was pretty sure after the whole sulking chrollos dick thing, he would have permanently tuned me out.

"Heh, that raggedy ann bastard" I smile smugly.

"So, what does it mean?"

"Ahh, okay so, did you go to U.A?"

"Um yes kid, why?"

Then im certain je knows of my family, explaining my quirk will be easier. God, this really is my favorite part.

I reached my left hand out, knowing he was right handedly and would respond well to it and then spoke.

"Hi, nice to meet you, im y/n l/n of the elementus royal quirk family."

Once he shook my hand I did a polite curtsey, as I learned in ballet to do that instead of bowing. Its much more fun to do this at family event, where I get to wear big dresses and pretend im important...but this'll have to do.

"The-i-oh shit..." He mumbled the last part in defeat, likely just figuring out what he'd gotten himself in to.

"So, im guessing you've got ...."

"Total control, yup" I confirmed.

"And you wanna focus on earth elements, like what flowers?"

I smirk up at him allowing my aura to put an intimidating facade.

"Actually I was thing more like venus fly traps" as I said traps I let my hands clap together mimicking the plant and bit at the air with my teeth.

He stopped walking and just glanced from side to side, waiting for me to start making sense again.

Until we heard some crying in the distance.

The two of our heads shot over and were met with a strange sight. There were three young boys, looked about 8¿ and a man, hero maybe? Crouched in front of them not looking all that nice. He had spike blonde hair, red eyes, gauntlets on his wris-

"Oh my god its bakugou, look sir! Thats the hot guy I switched schools for!"

"Wha-"

"BAKUGOUUUU!! HEYYY!"

his head slowly shifted from the kids to me and it seemed to only make him more angry. Then, once again I couldn't help but bask in the pure aggression...in his eyes.

They were red, fitting for the anger thry held, but it was beautiful. It was passionate, the way he could yell for hours about god knows what because he cares. He may care about petty things, or silly things, but he always cares so much. So passionately. That I can see it in his eyes.

"Oh my, whAt is this costume deary?"best jeanist spoke from ahead of us as we approach.

"Hi sir, sorry about the skin showing, my quirk is heavily enhanced the more my pours are exposed to the natural elements, especially oxygen. If I was more covered parts of my body would begin to go completely numb. Also doesnt my body look amazing! Im a lot more in shape since you saved me last"

I blamed happily at jeanist. Though we arent neceserilly close, he is definitely a great hero and has always been someone who easily sees through my façaude. Plus his fashion sense is wonderful and I often send him pictures of my outfits. Although he doesnt respond I know he sees them and if they were bad he would be mean about it instead of ignoring it.

"Well. It definitely gives your body..access to that. And the sword?"

Ahh...the sword that I liked to carry. It was now stored in its place on my back.

"Call it a good luck charm, plus, we cant rely only on our quirks, then we are just weak people with strong powers. Rather than strong people."

I was always one to put on a show for him, as I do for lost of pro heroes. Its a lot more fun to say things like your all serious and fancy and smart sometimes. Its my little inside joke with myself, like to laugh at how easily people are awed by it.

Like how even though children were still crying bakgou was staring at me face void of emotion, completely struck at my words.

Definitely not..staring at my body that was exposed. Not eyeing the tight strap that wraps my left leg, that he doesnt know is a funcional lasso.

Noticing him, im quick to avert my attention.

"Hey bakugou~"

"Tch you really went from shitty princess to slutty princess huh?"

"You really went from telling deku you'd be number one hero, to making kids cry on the street, huh?" I challenged

I heard the crying boys laugh a little, just the age reminded me of my brother, Im sure they have nothing in common, but I havent seen any of my brothers in quite some time so I suppose a small part of me was just projecting.

I hated that they were crying, though. Ussually I dont like kids, they are stinky and gross and the main reason people have been ruining my life up til now. However, noticing these three reacting to bakugou in a way I wish emotionally available enough for, it made me feel obligated to help them. Wierd, huh.

"Hey, did that guy use his fire all scary?"

"Yeah, he was gonna kill us"

"Fires scary."

I giggled a bit, I knew fire like the back of my hand. It was the first thing I mastered as a child and the way I see bakugou use it doesnt to the element justice.

"Hm, well, I dont think so...can I show you something?"

The kid in the middle, apparently the braver of them, lifted his gaze from the concrete to meet my eyes. Just as I crouched down to my knees in front of them he nodded up at me.

I smiled at this, proud that I earned his trust for...some odd reason.

My hands formed a cup shape in front of him and I focused my ears so I could hear the blood rushing through my own brain, like waves. This was how I learned to use elements singularly: by using my internally noise to block out everything else.

I first allowed a small line of fire to dance around, now bigger than a candle wick. Then through another, and another as the boy watched carefully. Not yet impressed his face was still caustious. However I continued focusing my energy, feeling my body, the air around me, the heat of the sun, even remember the passion from bakugous crimson eyes.

I as I did so the many small flames twirled and twisted within eachother forming into a beautiful blue and orange fluctuating flower.

The boy looked into my hands mouth now agape, tears dried, fear gone. Then, again, for some reasons unbeknownst to me... I felt a sense of pride.

He tapped his friends so they would look up and I continued making my fire into different things, birds, planes, people. The kids were entranced.

I looked back to see the two pros staring at me with a certain level of pride mixer with shock. While bakugou seemed at a loss for words. God knows why this time?

"I don't think fire is all that bad you know..."

"Pft, yeah, I know kid," with that I threw my little flames above their heads and let the sparks fall down of them like shiny glitter. Then, overwhelmed with this horrible feeling in my chest. I retreatdd to my boss for the weak. Was that..happiness? Ew.

#bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakusquad #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha deku #mha fanfiction #mha todoroki #mha fluff

0 notes

homestucky · 6 years

Text

ok u kno what im so sorry u guys but today has necessitated the classic indsaylohac whiney readmore life rant treatment so here goes

im bit tipsy rn but god today has been draining and crazy and i need vent

so today started with me having mayeb 2 hours of stressful sleep followed by some of the most stressful hours of my academic life, handing in a group project that somehow guthub kept writing over parts of or something. idk it was rlly busted and the deadline was 12pm and we got it in at like 11:58am lmao and it was horrible and the worst and made me feel V Bad

but then i come home and prepare for a meeting. im running for a place in a society. and i go to the meeting and i run and i win! and we celebrate. with alcohol. soo im having like 7 different social/emotional confliccts having to think abt my speech and talk 2 new ppl in the society and etc etc all while drunk and this random guy keeps actually pschoanalysing me like im paying him its so mad

then we go to a club and this guy who ive been staying w the whole night kisses me and im like. ok not sure abt this but may as well go w it. so thqt that first time anyone ever kissed me and. i didnt like. like i feel rlly bad, he was v polite n nice and i never told him no and i generalyy acted interested so thats all on me and no beef w him, but id never done it b4 uknow so i didnt know wheyher i wanted it or anything rlly and i kept cracking up laughing and i just like ... idek it was weird

it was like a slug was on my lips and i didnt like it? and i feel rlly bad bcaus i def have messed him around now but tbf i didnt know how i felt about this stuff rlly until now. and now i know for sure. at least in this stage of my life. it yucks me out. but now. theres so much to worry about. and idek what to do abt this dude ukno like wtf amiright

THEN i get home and i just want fkin subway but subway is closed so i try to buy bread from 24 hour garage and then i cant find my purse and my bag is open

so yeah someone stole my purse or it fell out idk

so ar 3am i have to call 2 banks to cancel my cards and all i wanna do it wash my mouth out and wash my face

idk i feel so gross and confused and i feel bad basically and also i have hiccups and also i fell over and have the biggest bruise on my thigh ive ever seen

the end i gueess goodnight

#wtf is even my life #im honestly on autopilot rn #i need help

5 notes · View notes

tonystarkreactor · 7 years

Text

Falling on Deaf Ears

Inspired by this post by @reioka (because jesus it resonated hard), but it’s a bit different. Hope you like it!

Summary: It wasn’t like Tony wasn’t used to it. He had years and years of experience in being ignored. Hell, he’d grown up with Howard and Maria Stark as his parents. He couldn’t even begin to count the number of times his six-year-old self had been dismissed from Howard’s presence, even when he’d been bouncing up and down with obvious excitement. And Maria-- well, Maria was always so busy. She’d give an absent ‘mm-hm’ every once in a while, but even those were rare compared to the complete apathy he usually got.

So this. He was used to this. And hey, at least he wasn’t getting hit this time around.

(Or five times Tony's ignored by his teammates, and one time someone finally listens.)

Link for AO3

It wasn’t like Tony wasn’t used to it. He had years and years of experience in being ignored. Hell, he’d grown up with Howard and Maria Stark as his parents. He couldn’t even begin to count the number of times his six-year-old self had been dismissed from Howard’s presence, even when he’d been bouncing up and down with obvious excitement. And Maria-- well, Maria was always so busy. She’d give an absent ‘mm-hm’ every once in a while, but even those were rare compared to the complete apathy he usually got.

So this. He was used to this. And hey, at least he wasn’t getting hit this time around.

“--but it can’t be Kevlar because while it’s strong, it’s not light enough, and isn’t nearly as flexible as human skin, so then I was curious and I started researching, and then I thought it could be nano cellulose, because it’s completely organic and way more flexible, but actually, it’s so organic it would react with the water in his body and it would get all bloated, and considering John Smith did not, in fact, blow up into a balloon, it couldn’t have been that. So then, I kept researching, and--”

Tony faltered as Clint glanced away, distractedly looking at the TV. Tony tried to smile, before halfheartedly continuing, “--And-- and it actually could be graphene, because it’s only made up of locked carbon crystals and is almost totally nonreactive, and it’s so light you could--”

And now Clint isn’t even looking at him at all, not even trying to make it seem like he’s paying attention.

“You-- you could actually have a layer as big as a football field, and it would still way less than...”

He isn’t listening.

“... a gram,” Tony mumbled, his hands shaking around his mug of coffee. He shut his eyes and set it down, shaking his head.

It didn’t matter. Really, it didn’t.

Tony refused to let out a breath as he silently stood up and disappeared from the room.

II.

God knew Tony liked to ramble, and despite him trying to stop himself, he constantly caught himself going on for a half hour without even stopping.

“And then this guy-- I don’t even know who the fuck he was-- just came up to me and told me-- he didn’t ask, he told me-- to sign his middle finger. I don’t know why, like was he gonna get it tattooed or something? That’s still not as weird, though, as the time when a guy…”

He didn’t even know when he’d started, but when he looked up, no one was even in the room. He looked towards the couch Steve had basically taken over the last few months. (He liked to draw in here. And watch Tony work. Not listen, though, apparently.) There was an abandoned, half-finished sketch on the coffee table.. Tony had no idea when he’d left.

Tony closed his mouth, setting down the Allen wrench he’d been fiddling with. He remembered, back in college, hanging out with Ty.

“Jesus Christ, Tony, do you ever shut up?”

Tony clenched his jaw before picking up the wrench and going back to work.

III.

The power had gone out all across the city, including the coffee shop he and Nat liked to disappear to sometimes in the middle of the night for coffees that were more sugar than coffee. When Tony pulled out his phone to find the cause of the power outage, his findings made it easy for him to pass the time with some chatting. Or rather, ranting.

“God, this is ridiculous. God fucking dammit, Justin Hammer can suck my-- you know what, no, he can’t, because I deserve better than that. Justin Hammer can suck a duck’s dick-- except no, even a rabid corkscrew-dicked duck deserves better than that. Wait, can ducks even get rabies? Justin Hammer can get rabies. Fuck, Hammer probably does have rabies, that’d explain his complete idiocy, not to mention how much he spits when he talks, Jesus Christ, and just how the hell does he manage to make a virus that causes power to go out all across Manhattan? How did that man ever finish the seventh gra--”

“Shit.”

Tony looked up from the floor, only to see Natasha’s face illuminated by her phone. She was-- she was playing a game, something that revolved around colors. Something that was completely absorbing her attention.

Attention that was not, as he thought, on him..

“Uh, Nat?” he said, his coffee suddenly feeling cold.

“Hm?” she hummed, tapping her thumb against the screen furiously. She didn’t bother to look up.

“Uh. Were you listening?” he asked, his voice sounding stupidly hopeful.

“Justin Hammer, idiot, something about duck dicks, I got it,” she said, before huffing as she lost again. “Dammit.”

Tony nodded, his voice sounding small and subdued. “Right.”

IV.

“And-- oh! Oh, you probably haven’t gone to Coney Island yet, have you? It’s fun, as long as, y’know, you don’t do the hot dog eating contest right before you ride the Cyclone. But the Wonder Wheel’s always fun. I mean, I was terrified of it when I was little, but that’s because I was scared of heights. It wasn’t like it was unfounded, though, I mean, I did fall off the roof of the mansion once. Not like. All the way to the ground. Just to one of the lower dormers. I don’t remember what I was doing. I think I was looking at the stars. Or maybe I was trying to launch a rocket. Actually, I think I might have been trying to set off a weather balloon.

“Whatever, point is, my fear wasn’t unjustified. I’m not afraid anymore, though. Of heights, that is. I’m afraid of loads of other stuff, like clowns? Dolls? All that nonsense? Yeah, no. Never. I will never allow those in my presence. At least I’m not scared of chickens. Rhodey is. They freak him out. I don’t know. Personally, I think it stems from a project involving an egg he had to do in his high school home ec class, but I’m no professional.

“What was I saying? Oh, yeah, you’d love Coney Island. You could totally invite Jane up for a weekend, it’s a prime date loca… tion.”

Thor wasn’t even standing next to him anymore. He was at a churro stand twenty feet back, smiling cheerfully at the vendor as he bought a few.

Tony closed his mouth before silently walking back to join the thunder god.

When Thor completed his purchase, he took a bite of his fried pastry. He turned to Tony, smiling widely. “Anthony! These cinnamon treats are delightful!”

Tony forced a grin. “Uh-huh.”

Sometimes he wasn’t even chattering nonsense. Sometimes, it was important.

“Plus, something about just getting it off my chest, and putting it out there in the atmosphere, instead of holding this in… I mean, this is what gets people sick, you know. Wow, I had no idea you were such a good listener. To be able to share all my intimate thoughts and my experiences with someone, it just cut the weight of it in half. You know, it’s like a snake swallowing its own tail. Everything comes full circle...”

There was a thud, and Tony faltered. “And-- and the fact that you’ve been able to help me process…” He looked over, and Bruce was rubbing his eyes. He-- he just-- oh. He’d been sleeping.

“You with me?” Tony said, after a moment of hesitation, hoping he’d been wrong.

“Sorry, I was, yeah. We were at, um…”

Tony resisted a sigh. “Are you actively napping?” he said, not bothering to hide his offense.

Bruce stammered. “I was… I… I drifted.”

Tony bit his lip so he wouldn’t do something stupid like scream. “Where did I lose you?”

Bruce hesitated for a second, at least having the decency to look guilty, before he said, “Elevator in Switzerland.”

Oh. Oh. Okay. “So you heard none of it.”

Bruce shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He reached towards Tony, but the genius shifted away ever so slightly. “I’m not that kind of doctor. I’m not a therapist; it’s not my training--”

Tony’s frustration bubbled over. “So?” That’s not why he called Bruce, he was just-- his doctor told him he needed to talk to people, and he thought maybe his friend would listen, but no-- no, of course not.

“I don’t have the…”

“What, the time?” Tony finished, staring at his friend, trying not to show the way his brain was shutting down.

“Temperament.”

Tony nodded, before beginning to ramble about something meaningless so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret.

Because this had been important. It had been.

It had, hadn’t it?

“--and God, he’s hopeless. He tries his best and all, but Jesus, he’s a disaster. Half the coffee I’ve ingested over the last twenty years has contained some kind of grease or oil. He has his own cone of shame that has his name on it. Honestly, he’s ridiculous. One time, though, I found him with a flower crown on his head, and I honestly have no idea how he got it. Where could Dum-E have gotten a flower crown? I think he and JARVIS were messing with me. God, those two could team up and do some ridiculous--”

Jesus Christ, Tony, do you ever shut up?

Tony cut himself off, barely glancing towards his companions before dropping his gaze to his hands, his hands fiddling with a thread on his jeans.

They didn’t care, stop fucking rambling for once in your damn life, just--

“Stark?”

Tony startled, looking up at Gamora, who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, looking at him with raised eyebrows. Expectantly.

Wait. Everyone was looking at him expectantly. Drax had turned away from looking out the window to look at him, Groot was swinging from the ceiling patiently, Rocket was looking up from the gutted gun in front of him, and Peter was sitting across from him with a grin on his face. His beloved Walkman (which used to make Tony cringe, but had since gained his own adoration as soon as he learned of the sentiment attached to it) was even paused.

“Huh?” he said, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“You were saying?” she said, tilting her head forward.

Tony blinked. “What?”

“You were telling us of your children,” Drax said. “JARVIS and the dumb one liked to team up and prank you.”

“Well--” Tony stumbled, his eyes flickering between each of them before looking at his hands again. ‘--yeah, but you guys don’t want to hear about all that.”

“What the hell makes you think that?” Rocket snapped, making Tony startle and look up. “We were all listening!”

“I am Groot!” Groot added, kicking his little legs and nodding enthusiastically.

Tony blinked, before he glanced around at them. “I-- no, it’s fine. Seriously. I get carried away sometimes. I didn’t realize I’d been talking so much, it’s fine. You guys can just-- you can just get back to what you were doing.”

Across from him, Peter frowned. Tony caught the look he gave around the room, but he didn’t get what it meant until everyone was quietly making their way out, going to different parts of the ship. Rocket grumbled and Groot sighed in defeat, but besides that, there were no protests.

Once they were alone, Peter walked around the table separating them and sat next to Tony, taking the genius’s hands in his.

“What was that, Tony?” he asked, and Tony winced when he heard the quiet hint of sadness in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to prattle on and on. Just tell me to shut up whenever, okay?” he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

Peter huffed out an exasperated yet soft, “Aw, stardust,” before he gently pulled Tony from his own seat and into his lap. “You know I will never tell you to shut up, because I love hearing you talk. Your brain is awesome and your mouth is awesome, and I love everything that comes out of both.”

Tony huffed, ducking his head and hiding his face in Peter’s neck. “Peter…” he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“I’m serious,” Peter argued, pressing a kiss to Tony’s head. “You could literally talk about nothing at all for days on end, and I would never get tired.”

“That’s stupid,” Tony mumbled, his lips tickling Peter’s skin.

“Maybe, but it’s nowhere near as stupid as you thinking I don’t like it when you talk.” He ducked his chin so he could gently push Tony’s head up, and he gave him a raised eyebrow. “Would you like to tell me where exactly this worry came from?”

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes. “Pete…” he whined.

“Because if it was the Avengers--” He chuckled bitterly. “I’ve got another thing to add onto my list of stuff to shoot them about.”

“You mean talk to them about,” Tony corrected, raising his eyebrows.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay,” he said sarcastically. “If talk is a euphemism for shoot.”

“Peter.”

“Nuh-uh. If those assholes seriously made you think that people don’t care about what you’re saying, then they deserve to be shot. Everyone else agrees.”

“That’s because everyone else is gun-happy.”

“When it comes to the Avengers? Hell, yeah, we are.”

Tony rolled his eyes before dropping his head down again, allowing Peter to pepper his hair with kisses.

“Seriously, though,” Peter said. “I love it when you talk. I swear I do. Especially when you’re excited. You’re freakin’ gorgeous like that.”

“Peter,” Tony whined, even as Peter lifted his chin so he could kiss his neck.

“You are,” Peter sang, kissing up his neck and along his jaw. “You’re gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and gorgeous--”

“You said that already.”

“Stardust, you’re so gorgeous, it counts three times,” Peter mumbled into his cheek, before finally pulling away and smiling at him. “Maybe four. Maybe five.”

Tony rolled his eyes, smacking Peter’s shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Not as ridiculous as your eyes. Seriously, I could drown in those.” Ignoring Tony’s groan, he continued, “Really! There’s so pretty. I could literally stare at them all day. Like, your eyes, your lips, and your voice. That’s all I need for the rest of my life. I don’t ever need anything else. Not even food.”

Tony rolled his eyes, resting his head on Peter’s shoulder. “You’re so dumb,” he muttered fondly.

“I dunno, I must’ve done something right if I got you,” Peter said.

Tony lifted his head, giving Peter an unimpressed look.

Peter grinned, tightening his hold around Tony’s waist. “So, do you wanna keep telling me about your AIs’ and bots’ shenanigans?”

“I could,” Tony said, smiling dopily as he tipped his head forward to rest his forehead against Peter’s. “But I’d kind of rather be kissing you.”

Peter grinned. “See, I told you your mouth is awesome.”

65 notes · View notes

angel78 · 7 years

Text

another failed attempt at seeing a new therapist

its literally pointless to try anymore. its honestly not even about “getting better” anymore its about the fact that i just want to be figured the fuck out already. i want to get it all out i want to understand i want to know what happened to me and what the hell is wrong with me... but i guess i’ve always done that myself anywhere.

i have learned everything i have come to understand about myself in writing and art, mainly my own because that is where i am sorting myself out, but of course with others’ work as well.

i was never allowed to see a therapist growing up, my parents didnt believe in mental illness and thought i was just crazy or dramatic or whatever else ive said it here before plenty of times. once i left renfrew i tried one or two but one i couldnt afford and the other made me uncomfortable. i had one therapist in wvu that didn’t help or understand at all and just made me feel like i was psycho and straight up would ask me if i paid before i sat down ???? when i finally came back to jersey, i tried to see another therapist in february and she turned me down entirely and said she could not help me or see me because i needed higher care and she couldnt be responsible for that. then finally i began seeing a therapist at my school who saw me for a few months who i thought i might finally be able to get something out of, maybe, but she told me she had to stop seeing me because i was too sick too and needed a higher care and i told her i refused to go to anything inpatient so she straight up said she cant help me anymore but we could have an appointment to find a good program for me and i never went because fuck you for that. right when things started peaking again she just didn’t want to help me anymore. i understand the “ethics” behind seeing someone who you deem “too unwell” to only be attending an hour long therapy session once a week but for gods sake she knew all of the reasons i couldnt do that and some of them were kind of bullshit in her opinion like me refusing to put school on hold again but some of them were fucking valid like money and not having a car at the time to even do an outpatient if i tried and my parents and just everything.

then finally a few weeks ago i started seeing a new therapist, literally like the day after finding out my boyfriend has fucking cancer, and i saw her three times, spent the first two times having an insurance/money battle in the beginning, and the second time waited for her for 7 minutes after my appt was supposed to start and she still cut me off right after the allotted time was up technically not giving me the appropriate 45 full minutes ???? but not only that she called me by the wrong name ???? only says elementary shit like “so how are depression and anxiety” and just nods and doesnt offer any feedback when i talk. she didnt try at all to get to know my circumstances like i always had to fish for things to talk about because she couldnt even start asking me questions of her own since the first session which like how is that supposed to help me i came here because I NEED HELP and then even though the insurance sent me a document with this therapists specializations and eating disorders WERE LISTED AS ONE OF THEM she says that she doesnt know much about eating disorders and isnt trained in them so she doesnt know how to really help and she then went on to tell me she thinks i just need a higher care and that we could have our last session (the following week from last thursday which would have been tomorrow) so we can find a program together that i should start ???? yeah nice way to say see you never and take another $50 from me when you cant even rememebr my FUCKING NAME WHEN ITS SITTING ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU LITERALLY LISTED EATING DISORDERS IN YOUR SPECIALIZATIONS WHEN YOU APPARENTLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM ACCORDING TO YOU sorry im livid but anyway now im back to no therapist and that makes a consecutive three suggesting i needed a higher care but i guess at least this one was just a complete idiot and didnt say she refused to help me anymore

so i just wanted to post a rant update about that and i guess from here i will just continue

i started class and my last week of training for my new serving job yesterday, i had class at 8:00 after not sleeping all night and have three more classes and then training again, i look cute today but no one lked my selfies on twitter so that was very nice also, im speeding frivolously, and ,,,,

my mom and i got into two big dumb fights over the last week over something so stupid but as always she had to go on and curse me off and tell me she doesnt want me in “her house” which is really funny because how can you call it your house when you 1) dont even have a job therefore do not pay bills 2) my dad, as much as he hurts me, just had to get a second job again to support my family when my mom doesnt even have one and doesnt even love my dad anymore but she’ll reap the benefits of having a man willing to do that for her 3) she literally left us like two months ago to live with her friend then decides to come back because “it was hard driving back and forth and i couldnt see the kids everyday” which honestly, to me, translates to it was too hard coming here every day just to bake cakes 4) she told me whenever she does get money (somehow???) she has full intentions of moving out and getting her own place so even if she did have money i guess making this number 5) she would be PUTTING IT TO GETTING HER OWN PLACE AND NOT THE HOUSE ANYWAY SO I REST MY CASE DOESNT LOOK LKE YOUR HOUSE TO ME BITCH and i left sunday night and went to be with vincent and i get to sleep with him all week and then yesterday my mom tried to send me a meme so i would respond and laugh and we could pretend nothing happened but im tired of doing that im tired of acting like just because im their child i dont deserve an apology like fuck if i dont even deserve help on my medical bills ???? i think i at the very least deserve an apology every now and again ???? especially since they are a signficant part of the reason I AM THIS WAY and then yesterday my dad texted me asking where ive been and i told him what happened and actually tried to have a mature conversation and tell him how i felt like an adult and why i dont think my mom acted fairly and he literally left me on read so thats how my family life is going

otherwise eating is impossible unless its in capsule form and and im overly paranoid and i cant drive without imagining a parallel universe every car that comes into my vicinity somehow crashes into me and not even in the suicidal way literally in the twitching at the sight of an approaching vehicle and shaking my head and closing my eyes while driving because all i can see are these traumatizing visions of things that have never happened to me and im really depressed and i have no friends

and i really sound like a whiney bitch right now but i havent posted much about whats going on in my life lately and clearly !!!! i dont have a therapist to tell !!!!

i keep wanting to write and have fragments of words but it doesnt feel right yet and i know that

i have no money and my phone and car bills are due next week and i wont be making any money until next week MAYBE

literally the only good thing right now is that vincent is doing pretty well, its really hard to see him this way a lot of the time but its getting easier because im getting used to seeing him bald or how little he eats or helping him when he’s sick, as far as we know the chemo seems to be doing what its supposed to do, he is doing well, i hope it stays that way because he’s literally everything to me and the only thing that makes me want to be on this earth

#personal

3 notes · View notes

s3venpounds · 5 years

Note

1-64. 65 What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

65 questionsssssssssss yeeeeeeeeee boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii letsss fucking goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thanks for the ask btw! also sorry for late reply

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

honestly sometimes, the whole “ life is a simulation” got me kinda scared ya never know

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. because im not afraid of the dark im afraid of what can be in it that im not aware of

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk. cuz if i say someone i hate then i can’t physically meet them to punch them

4. What is your favorite word?

love

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

idk whichever lives for millions of years i wanna be like those giant ass trees that you see in animes that are like whole cities wide

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

should i finally cut my hair? or do i perservere

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my ed sheeran concert shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

someone with the capacity of good but chooses to be an asshole

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

seeing if my new friends were playing games so i can join

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

12. Who told you they loved you last?

off the top of my head? my mom pretty sure.

13. Your worst enemy?

myself, my fears, hesitation and past mistakes?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

its a picture of hinata shoyo from Haikyuu!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

15. Do you like someone?

yes.

16. The last song you listened to?

Jacob Lee Slip

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

trump. and i want like brass knuckles when i punch.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

probably a volleyball coach/ trainer or a professional volleyball player to just drill basics into me and make me a better player. (that or just gal gadot to like help me clean up my life and give me life advice)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

i guess my energy? its a fucking mess though cuz sometimes i get tired after like 4 minutes of activity but then sometimes i get like a second wind and i just go for hours

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

i mean there was that snapchat trend of every guy making a female version of themselves so i guess theres that. i would definitely try anything i could. periods, cramps, catcalls, masturbating anything i could so i truly understand what women have to go through every day of their lives

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im a very open person so most of my obscure talents are known but i am kinda proud of how i can name pokemon by just hearing their cries limited to like the first 3 generations tho lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

what happens after we die

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

i wanna make the most bougie sandwich in the world. I want abelone, puffin, black truffle, caviar, just all that super high end shit

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it. im going on a trip somewhere out of the city and i could use the extra pocket money

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

venice italy. no question.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

oh shit booze! i love me some booze! i guess it would have to be like smirnoff kissed caramel vodka, or this one whiskey i saw a video of irish people drinking american whiskeys

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

dont be a fucking dickhead idk. i can’t make concrete rules cuz theres loopholes

29. What is your favorite expletive?

definitely fuck just because i say it more than actual normal words

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

haha “loved ones” lmao. oh uhhh my letters from D.O when we were kids. that or my journal

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my dads abuse. oh wait no then thats free forgiveness for him lmao no uhhh one of my past relationships. it was a mess and i still struggle a little with it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Venice italy. that or greece or rome idk. i really like their aesthetic with small white houses, small walkways and all that

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Steve irwin or Robin williams. or just to make a couple people near me happy, Kyle Fundytus

34. What was your last dream about?

uhhh I kissed the person I’m currently interested in. not just a normal dream too I felt everything. it was crazy. Felt, their hands, warmth, lips, body against mine and even their skin it was just magical.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

boyfriend? honestly? idk. i’d like to think that i am but from what I know apparently im not

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes and no? i guess? i had one of those shots you give to enfants when their family is moving to a new country and i still have the scar so possibly? i mean technically any baby born in a hospital has been admitted to one lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

YES AND SOME OLDER KIDS BROKE IT DOWN AND USED IT AS A BENCH . I fought them and got sent tot he principals office

38. What is the color of your socks?

im not wearing any.... but i do have a favourite pair of green ones that have a print of pringles sour cream n onion on it!

39. What type of music do you like?

Jazz, big band, kpop, RNB, rap, rock, swing music, electro...? sort of?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

i can’t choose, I love both and have fond memories of both

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa maybe some caramel in it

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

uhh i dont know much about football but i can say i would support my local team edmonton eskimos

43. Do you have any scars?

a ton! i love em! its like the sentimental stuff i keep in my closet but on my body and i always trace my finger over them whenever im just in the mood to reminisce

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

im not currently taking the courses i need to get my dream job but i’d love to be a power ranger either the stunt double or the cheesy actor. that or a school councilor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

how dependant i am on others. i hate it. if i was alone i dont think i’d survive. i need other people

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think that i am though again, you’d have to ask my friends

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Did you find her?

48. Do you hold grudges?

hell.yes. if you couldnt tell i reallllllllllly hate my dad. like really.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

whatever animals it takes to make dragons a thing again

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I would have to say when this random stranger came up to me to complain about the transit system because the one in vancouver was so much better apparently. dude went on a 20 minute rant and i just drowned him out with music and pretended to “pause” my music while nodding like i understood

51. Are you a good liar?

not sure. I think i am considering my parents dont know half the shit i did AHEHEHEHE

52. How long could you go without talking?

couple days. long as i got my music.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

god there was this one christmas where my parents gave me like a stereotypical suburban kid hair cut where the whole head is like flattened with hair gel the at the forehead its just a tall wall of spiked hair. BUT HERES THE KICKER. they dyed half the wall red and half green for christmas. god it was awful

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

does cheesecake cupcakes count?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

ive been told i can do a good russian one, chinese too

56. What do you like on your toast?

nutella omg. fresh toast with gooey nutella? god its so good

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

uhmmm some secret stuff for a friends personal project

58. What would be you dream car?

Dodge Viper

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I love singing in the shower when no ones home. I can only sing when no ones home cuz the walls in this house are thin AS FUCK.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i believe we’re not the only ones out here but due to how we’re literally killing our own kind and planet for no good reason they choose to ignore us

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yep! all the time! whenever i get my hands on the local paper i read my horoscope while i wait on the train or if theres a horoscope thing on tumblr!

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X idk x is just cool

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons are you kidding me? dragons are dinosaurs that can fly. AND BREATHE FIRE

64. What do you think about babies?

I dont think im a good father figure but spending time with kids is a pretty okay time for me long as its not long term lmao

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

I punched them full force in the stomach for calling me emo. it was a bad day but lo and behold that person became my best friend loooooooooooool

#ask me shit #this was fun #do some moreeeeeeeee

0 notes