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#gender critical ftm

werevulvi · 2 years

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I've recognized lately that I've gotten so detached from womanhood since transitioning. Whenever I try to engage in conversations about "women's issues" I feel so detached from a lot of them. Like female only spaces, and female social cues. I can't even list examples because I've forgotten what they are.

It's strange because the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to understand why I often don't feel comfortable in groups of only women. Individual women and mixed spaces, that's totally fine, as well as groups of only men, and individual men, but entire groups of only women? I feel estranged and have no idea how to navigate it. Because I don't understand and cannot act upon female social cues. Most of the female socialization I got as a kid, I actively resisted, and then trained away as an adult, and tried hard to learn male socialization stuff, both as a survival tactic and because of my dysphoria.

Gendered socialization is malluable traits. Kinda like how you can lose a language you learned as a child if you stop speaking it, and you can learn new languages.

It's not that I don't care about women's issues, I do. It's that I have trouble relating to that of those which pertain to socialization, as well as the body stuff which no longer applies to me as a result of my physical transition. Mammograms, unwanted facial hair, bras, the male gaze, street harassment, etc. Even menstruation is something I can only relate to during times I'm off the hormones.

This has made me adopt a crude, near animalistic view of my own womanhood. As the only things that I feel truly apply to me are vagina, vulva, uterus, cramps, female fertility, wide hips, sometimes periods, my hopes of carrying my own child someday, etc, and how these things still make me vulnerable to misogyny, sexual abuse, medical abuse, and so on. All of that still matters of course, but they are highly sensitive topics that I think not even most feminist want to converse about light heartedly. It's perhaps easier to talk about male violence in the streets or in the workplace, than male violence in the bedroom. I can understand that.

I know I still have trouble with labels, but it is for entirely social reasons. I get treated differently depending on how I label myself, and I'm not satisfied with either reaction. How I simply feel about myself, away from society, is that I'm a woman, because that's how I relate to my body. I see it from a lens of it being female, no matter how far I transition. And this is a positive feeling. It's a feeling of stability and safety, in that what I am isn't going to change or get snatched away from me, no matter how I look, how I'm perceived, however dysphoric I am, how much testosterone I shoot up my gluteus maximus, or how language and social norms may change. Something which merely is what it is, and this brings me comfort.

The kinship I feel with men still matters to me as well though, if not more. To be their equal as well as their opposite. This matters to my individuality, my personality, but is also in regards to how I relate to my sex. I tend to say lately that although I'm comfortable with being female, it really needs to be the specific kinda female that I've turned myself into. Not an unobtainable goal, but the goal that I have actually obtained, and which demonstrably differentiates me from the average woman.

I could never be comfortable being an intact female. I'm not friends with estrogen. And estrogen is biology, not social norms of femininity and masculinity. You can call estrogen masculine and strong all day if you want, it doesn't change what I feel about the actual physical and psychological effects of that hormone. That is my biggest problem with my sex, which I remedy by taking testosterone. Simple enough.

But then, what if it was possible to turn myself into a bio male? Well, first off, that's not possible, and I don't find it fruitful to entertain impossible ideas, but if it was possible, yes, I think I'd be more at peace then, generally. But because it's not possible, I can't think of myself as a man. I just can't wire my mind that way. For as long as I'm stuck being female, I'd rather make the most of it, try my hardest to love it in any way I can, mixing testosterone with radical acceptance.

And somewhere along that road, I found that it is possible for me to enjoy a few aspects of being female. I latched onto those aspects and bred and nurtured those feelings to grow larger. I chose to focus on what little I can enjoy about being female, without forcing myself to like what I hate about it. And in that grew a positive feeling to calling myself a woman.

So, my being a woman is not like I'm just suddenly "cis" and genuinely enjoy being female as a whole, as in something I'd choose to stay as in an ideal world where sex change was possible. It's a cope with a reality I cannot change. It truly does not matter what I'd do if a real sex change was possible, simply because that is not possible. What matters is what I'd ideally do with what is factually possible, right here and now.

And that kinda goes for sexism too. I can't hang my life choices up on what I'd do if sexism didn't exist. That's just as foolish as hanging my life choices up on what I'd do if sex change was real. Which is why I don't think it's bad to transition as a cope for sexism. Because sexism isn't going to disappear. At least not in our lifetime. So we might as well find ways to live with it. (Yes, we can strive for society to change too, of course.)

Because... if I could magically turn myself into a flying dragon, I'd probably jump on that opportunity too and then identify as a dragon. But it makes no sense why that should mean I'm "actually a dragon" in reality. Because it's not possible to transform into an actual dragon, no matter how badly I could wish that was the case. Idealistic identities make no sense to me. I'm a female in reality, as much as I'm a human, and there is nothing to change that. Then being a female man just makes no sense to me. A female is a woman.

Thing is that I'm not going to succumb to an idea of me "as a man" when it's physically impossible for me to change my sex to male for real. That's just painful. It's so painful that I have to push that thought out of my mind and never fully engage with it, because holding on to wanting something you can't have just feels like self-harm at this point. If it ever becomes possible thpugh, then we can have a discussion about it!

But back to reality. In reality my only options are to either 1) detransition and be a try-hard normie woman, 2) continue transition and be a freaky, bearded, masculine woman and embrace being "not like other girls" with that, 3) continue transition and pretend like that somehow makes me a man when it never felt like it, 4) abandon reality altogether and call myself nonbinary.

I'd rather fight myself through some aspects of my dysphoria to see the silver lining and hold onto it, no matter how much my ways of doing so my grate at other people. For example, I can only really like my genitals if I view them as purely sexual. Not as a hole (or two) for men to fill, but as bundles of delicate nerves meant to give me pleasure, whether in consensual company with others or entirely on my own.

Some clearly don't like viewing vaginas/vulvas as sexual organs, which is fine. If you'd rather focus on the fertility aspect, you do you. But it's important to me personally to first and foremost view my genitals as sexual, because I need to get away from the sexist idea that I'm just a baby-making machine for being female. I need for my genitals to not primarily be about fertility. I appreciate that aspect too, I do, but just not primarily.

And that is like... when other women tell me I cope in the wrong way, I get testy. Then we're not building any bridges with the "lost sisters" of the ftm community. Then we're being nitpicky about what "should" be good things about being a woman. Same with nagging about how medical transition is a kind of self-harm. It can be... but so can drinking water, if you do it badly, drink bad water, or have an allergy.

That's burning bridges that the rare few us gender critical ftm's try to build with women. Those of us who want a connection. We are going to need for that connection to be on our terms, not yours. Because we are the ones having significant trouble connecting with our sex to begin with.

I can't speak for others, but for me, that is a very delicate and sensitive process. It feels like something akin to accepting a terminal illness, and finding positive things about it, just to not get stuck in a mindset of complete and utter misery because you were dealt shit cards in life.

So while I can appreciate being a woman, it is still and probably always will be to a infinitesmally small extent and has to be on my terms. I need it to not fully succumb to the tragedy and misery of (seemingly) incurable dysphoria, but only to a certain extent. I'm probably never going to be what you want for me to be. I'm probably always going to be a little bit problematic in my man-envy, lack of understanding for female only bathrooms, and hatred of estrogen, and have moments where I say something insensitive about the female body. Because having a female body is always going to be at least a little bit of a battleground for me.

Furthermore, I'm probably never going to wanna center women in my life. I'm attracted to men and a hopeless romantic with a big appetite for sex, and I enjoy being "one of the guys" even if it is as a gnc woman. And the more I live, the more I realize that it's what I do that matters more to me, than what I am. I don't like being judged for what I am, only for what I do. Doing things considered masculine, bonding with men, living among men as though I was one of them, grooming my beard, playfighting, taking my body to its masculine potential, as well as completely non-gendered activities like writing my book, making art and petting cute cats. Simply enjoying life by doing what I enjoy, matters more to me than being a man, or woman.

I don't want my sex to matter so much. It matters to sex/dating and medical stuff, which is fine, but I don't want it to matter for anything else. Like in my friendships, family, hobbies, etc. For all that other stuff, I want for my masculinity to matter more, how I am as a person and what I like and dislike.

Mostly... I think I only really enjoy being a woman in the bedroom, in the private with a male lover I can trust and relax with. Because that's the only time I want my genitals to be involved. And I don't mean in a "play a woman role" kinda way with submission, femininity, lingerie, piv sex, or what have you. Sure, it can include that but it sure as hell also includes domination, masculinity, pegging and all sorts of other things too, which is kinda irrelevant.

No, I mean just me and my uncovered body with someone I trust to be that vulnerable with, and doing whatever the fuck we enjoy and get pleasure from. Because that is the only thing that truly makes me feel whole and connected with my body. That's the only time all my sex and gender stars and planets align in a perfect eclipse. That's "gender euphoria" god damn it.

I don't mean to go all AGP on you. I really have no desire to go swinging my "boypussy" around or in any other way be a creep, like the "girldicks" of the internet do. No, I'm only talking about consensual stuff with trusting (and preferably loving) adults, in the privacy of my own (or his) home.

And I bring this up because knowing this is the heart and center of my womanhood, it makes me apprehensive to bring it up publically, literally because I don't wanna be a creep, which is probably a big reason why I may seem more disconnected from my sex than I actually am.

Because behind those closed doors, I don't even think about me being trans or different from women in general, or similar to them. Then I just exist as a complete entity that just so happens to be of the female sex. But I can't be that, nor show that, in any other aspect of life. Because no other aspect of being a woman feels good to me. But that that one aspect truly speaks to me and feel absolutely amazing, I think is so important that it is in fact crucial.

Because... the first and foremost reason people are either male or female is for reproduction, and thus... sex. Which is why I feel like all the other shit, social shit, tacked onto bio sex, including hanging out with other women just because we're all women and somehow are supposed to be able to get along solely because of that, is uncomfortable and ultimately pointless distractions. Nature's purpose of my sex is the only thing I like it for, but that is a giant thing to like your sex for.

But would I then prefer if I could reproduce as a male? No. Actually no. I just prefer all the other things about being male. The genital configuration, what sex would be like, what I'd look like, all the secondary functions of sex, the male hormones, etc. And why is that? Simple. I just don't want for 99% of my body to be designed around what I do 1% of my life. I'm a woman only in the bedroom because that's the only place being a woman has a purpose.

#rant #gender and sex #sexism and ways to combat it #gendered socialization #gender dysphoria #gender critical ftm #random thoughts #long rant #on being a woman from the perspective of a dysphoric female #on what I am vs what I do

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redberryterf · 3 months

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have you noticed how the men who "feel like women" never start with the dishes and childcare

#radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #terfblr #gender critical #terfsafe #i stand with jk rowling #radblr #feminism #adult human female #terf #proudterf #detrans female #detrans #ftm detransition

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museumofferedophelia · 6 months

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I think the rising phenomenon of "gay trans men" is directly tied to rampant misogyny.

They want to be natural, hairy, bare-faced, awkward, cheeky, nerdy, roguish, vulnerable, "masculine," and still considered desirable by men. Which is sadly unattainable for gender non-conforming women, save for a small pool of more open-minded men.

They want sex without being considered a sex object or a slut. Or if they are considered a "slut," it's in a subversive way- a raised eyebrow at a bar, fumbling in an alleyway, making men fall head over heels. Not a "cumdumpster," "used goods," or a "worthless whore." They want their sexual experience to heighten their attractiveness without reducing their worth.

If society was capable of perceiving women in the same way as they perceive men, I wonder how many would consider themselves "gay trans men," ? If women were allowed to be rugged, roguish, outspoken, and sexually confident in a way that doesn't adhere to femininity?

If they didn't feel the need to change virtually every aspect of their natural self in order for men to find them attractive?

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missmastectomy · 3 months

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Soo this is awkward. I’m a detrans woman and figuring out what on earth went wrong. I’m making this new blog to vent and get my thoughts about gender out there. I hope I can help at least a few detrans people, and also show a side to detransition most people don’t see.

I used to believe in trans identities with so much conviction. I really thought a person could have a soul that didn’t align with their sex. I was a dysphoric non-binary person who took T and had a double mastectomy, both of which I deeply regret. I now realize I was suffering from mental illness and latched onto my gender dysphoria to explain why I hated my body. Little did I know as a 15 year old that I hated myself because I felt victimized by adult men. In my subconscious I thought that removing my breasts would free me and my body would feel like my own. Now, I just feel that what I actually did was allow another man to violate me. It is difficult to feel like my body is my own, but I refuse to dissociate from it anymore.

That’s really what the trans identity is. Extreme, debilitating sex dissociation. Body dysmorphia that at the end of the day is not special. It’s not innate, it’s not incurable. It is a product of society’s failure to accept gnc people. I ran away from my body because it became my enemy. It was simply not safe to exist as female in the world. I thought it would save me, but it didn’t, and the only thing I have to show for it is two scars and a lifetime of trauma.

If there is such a thing as trans joy, there is also detransition rage. I was lied to by my endocrinologist. I was failed by my therapist, who focused so much on my dysphoria that she totally neglected to ask where it came from. I transitioned as a minor and I will never forgive the trans community for pushing this on kids. I believe trans people 21+ should have the right to transition and deserve to be treated respectfully, but they need to be given the tools to give proper informed consent, which most are currently not.

This is my attempt to find some level of empowerment. I will no longer try to be palatable to people who disrespect women and blatantly disregard children’s safety and rights. I am done with you.

I love to debate and I am open to talking to anyone, especially detransitioners. If you are ever doubting your identity as trans, stop what you are doing. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

#detrans #radical feminism #detransition #ftm detransition #radfem #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do touch #radical feminists do interact #gender critical

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fox-steward · 1 year

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there is something really sad about this to me. does this person think there is ANY amount of time on testosterone or body hair or pitch of voice or masculine-type behavior that will ever make them indistinguishable from a man, especially in the context of sex? or is it that this person thinks their partner should have brainwashed himself successfully by now? or that he simply shouldn’t say the obvious truth out loud: when a male and a female fuck, it’s heterosexual sex? i’m genuinely trying to tell, because it has to be one of these.

i shy away from “trans cult” language because it’s polarizing and alienating, but this is an example of brainwashing imo. this female person is…surprised? hurt? betrayed?…by the very plain fact that their male partner recognizes the sex they have as heterosexual. that emotion the ftm person feels is genuine, but to anyone not indoctrinated into the belief system of trans ideology, the male is simply describing reality.

there is a part of me that wonders how this person could really truly be hurt or surprised to learn this; the answer to that question is ideological indoctrination.

it’s like with traditional religion. i imagine a christian couple who engage in christian events, go to church, say prayers together, etc. two people who seem to genuinely believe. then one day the wife confesses that she goes to church because she likes the food and seeing her friends, but she doesn’t actually believe in god, jesus, etc. to an atheist like me, this is unsurprising, but to her husband, it could feel like a real betrayal. that’s because he is embedded in an ideology and he has faith.

idk where this is going. i feel so sad for this ftm person for how bewildered by plain reality they seem and how deep they are in an ideology that they likely don’t even recognize AS a belief system. and i feel sad for the male partner who is same-sex attracted and being made out to be a villain for acknowledging that his female partner isn’t the same sex as him.

gender as an ideology continues to wreak havoc on us.

#radfem #radical feminism #detrans #detransition #gender critical #transgender #ftm #trans #transition

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desistdyke · 2 years

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idk if there's like a good anwser to this or not but

i always wondered why the solution for my dysphoria was hormones and surgery because the solution for my eating disorder isn't to just lose weight, the solution to my anxiety isn't to isolate myself, the solution for my ocd isn't to give into every compulsion, so why is the only solution for my dysphoria giving into it and letting it control my life?

#terf safe #gender critical #terfs please interact #detrans ftm #desisted #desister

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commutrans · 9 months

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Terfs who think trans men can’t be gay men are clowns. Trans gay men are not straight <3

#ftm #mtf #queer #trans #lesbian #trans man #transgender #gender critical #terf #radfem

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museumofferedophelia · 6 months

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Homophobia in its most fundamental form is a refusal to admit that homosexuality is real, biological, and not capable of changing. It's so incredibly frustrating to see a denial of homosexuality coming from both the right and the left.

Conservatives believe it's an immoral choice made by sexual degenerates who have wilfully strayed from God (or otherwise nature's) design.

Liberals believe that everyone is innately bisexual/pansexual on some level, and that a refusal to interact with a particular type of genitalia is a choice founded on bigotry, exclusion, discrimination, etc. etc.

Homosexuality is real- it has been real for as long as recorded history, is noted in many different species of animal, and is never going to stop existing, no matter what people say or think.

A gay man is incapable of liking women and vaginas. A lesbian woman is incapable of liking men and penises. That's it.

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she-is-ovarit · 10 months

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Trans research and scientific consensus

(2020) - Study of 139,829 students finds that in comparison to other students, transgender identity, especially non-binary identity, is associated more with perpetrating bullying than being bullied. Non-binary identity was most strongly associated with involvement in bullying, followed by [transgender] opposite sex identity and cisgender identity.

(2023) 21 leading experts on pediatric gender medicine from 8 countries wrote a letter to Wall Street Journal expressing disagreement over how gender dysphoria in youth is treated, voicing concerns against things such as the affirmative model and research conducted outside of the US has found hormonal interventions for gender dysphoria to be without reliable evidence. Among these international experts is Dr. Rita Kaltiala, chief psychiatrist at Tampere university gender clinic and author of several peer-reviewed studies on trans medicine and Finland's top authority on pediatric gender care.

(2023) Landmark study from Denmark on 3,800 transgender patients pulled data from hospital records and applications from legal gender changes and discovered 43% of this group had a psychiatric illness compared with 7% of non-trans group, and despite "gender affirming care" and legal gender changes, still had 7.7 the rate of suicide attempts and 3.5 times the rate of suicide deaths. Researchers state this rate is likely even higher due to missing data.

(2016) Study finds association with increased risk of multiple sclerosis for trans women taking estrogen/reducing testosterone levels.

(2023) Metadata study shows, at best, no improvement for patients in gender-affirming care. "The conclusions of the systematic reviews of evidence for adolescents are consistent with long-term adult studies, which failed to show credible improvements in mental health and suggested a pattern of treatment-associated harms. Three recent papers examined the studies that underpin the practice of youth gender transition and found the research to be deeply flawed. Evidence does not support the notion that “affirmative care” of today’s adolescents is net beneficial."

(2011) Long term follow up of 324 transgender people having undergone sex reassignment surgery in Sweden, found that trans women retained male patterned incidents and rates of violence and had a greater significance and rate of rape and sexual violence than cisgender men. The study also found, "Persons with transsexualism, after sex reassignment, have considerably higher risks for mortality, suicidal behaviour, and psychiatric morbidity than the general population. Our findings suggest that sex reassignment, although alleviating gender dysphoria, may not suffice as treatment for transsexualism, and should inspire improved psychiatric and somatic care after sex reassignment for this patient group."

(2020) Largest study to date on 641,860 people finds association with autism and "gender diversity", "Gender-diverse people also report, on average, more traits associated with autism, such as sensory difficulties, pattern-recognition skills and lower rates of empathy — or accurately understanding and responding to another person’s emotional state".

(2022) US study examining 10 years of data on 952 people finds large percentages of young adults prescribed hormones for trans identity no longer getting the drugs 4 years later. Discontinuation rate for both sexes combined = 30%. Female discontinuation rate as high as 44%. The standard disinformation pushed is that only 1-2% of people who begin medical transition end up desisting. But these figures show that in this cohort of young adults, the overall rate of discontinuing hormone treatment ranged from a low of 10% to a high of 44% within a space of just 4 years.

Abruzzese et al. 2023 'The Myth of “Reliable Research” in Pediatric Gender Medicine: A critical evaluation of the Dutch Studies—and research that has followed'

More to come.

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redditreceipts · 7 months

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tumblr receipts, but there's something particularly sickening about TIM-run "FTM detrans kink" blogs. it just takes the misogyny to another level.

Triggerwarning: rape, conversion therapy

I actually noticed that while scrolling through the "detrans" hashtag on tumblr: It's like one third people getting off on their demented detransition kink.