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hotchscvm · 9 months

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Strauss asking reader into her office to talk about the tiktoks reader made about Hotch? 🤭

You haven't even greeted the team before Strauss sends you an email, asking you to meet her in her office as soon as you get in. You can't help but feel annoyed at the message, dropping your stuff off in a huff on your desk.

When you knock on her opened door, you see Aaron sitting in one of the chairs across from her, eyebrows raised when he sees you enter. "You wanted to see me?"

Strauss nodded, gesturing to you to come inside. As you shut the door behind you, she continued. "I wanted to talk to you and Agent Hotchner about a few videos you posted that are questionable."

Immediately you know what she's talking about. Glancing at Aaron with fear in your eyes, you saw his lips twitching, fighting back a smile. You don't know whether to be embarrassed and mortified or annoyed he isn't as worried as you.

Clearing your throat, you turned back to your boss's boss, slowly sitting down in the chair next to Aaron. "What videos?"

You see Aaron cover his lips with his hand when Strauss pulls out her laptop, a video you made from your TikTok account on the screen. Without a single word, she hits play and Umbrella fills the office as you lip sync to it with Aaron in the background looking up after a second and a smile forming on his face.

In the caption you've written, "When he's a 6'2", 45-year-old criminal profiler in a suit and tie." while lip-syncing the "Come into me" part of Rihanna's song. When the video ends, you look over at Aaron and see he's expressionless. You start to panic.

"Oh ... That one. I see." you said, inwardly slapping yourself for the answer. Strauss

raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"There's more," Strauss replied, ignoring your question as she clicks on another video.

You can't help but cringe as the sound plays very loudly. When the video finishes, she raises an eyebrow. "Now what did you mean when you said 'catch me on that dick tryna ride like a rodeo' with a picture of Agent Hotchner?”

You can't help the awkward laugh that escapes you because despite not knowing if you're in trouble or not, Strauss saying dick made you giggle. "Technically, I didn't say it. It was the song."

"You wrote it in the caption, didn't you?"

“. .. Yeah."

Silence fills the room and before you can ask, she pulls up a video of you filming

Aaron-who was well aware of the video, by the way, with the caption "Him in a beard >>" and the sound of dogs barking as the audio. You hear a nearly inaudible laugh from the man sitting next to you but you don't dare look.

Strauss clicks on another TikTok, but instead of a video, it was photos in a slideshow. You had to bite your tongue when the "Get destroyed or get destroyed" caption showed up along with a picture of Aaron with his tie undone. This was truly the weirdest, most embarrassing, and funniest shit you've gotten in trouble for.

When Strauss doesn't continue showing you videos you made about how hot your boss is—there's so much more, so much that someone might think you're dating—you meet her eyes and give her an apologizing look. "I'm sorry, I didn't know this was against policy."

"It's not," Aaron answers, speaking for the first time since you entered the room. "What did you want to talk to us about, Erin?"

She sighed, closing her laptop. "Aaron, I've told you before, there's no reason to hide this relationship. It's better to tell me what's going on other than have someone else find out and have another sexual harassment meeting again."

"Oh, he and I aren't—" you start to say, gesturing between you and Aaron.

"No, but you'd like to be." Strauss cuts you off, eyes narrowing at Aaron. “There's no policy against coworkers dating but there are rules if you start dating your subordinate."

Aaron nods, glancing briefly at you before speaking. "And what are those rules?"

"You must BCC your emails to each other to someone in HR, and complete the sexual harassment training segment again," she responded.

"Alright," Aaron replies, nodding once again.

You're dumbfounded when she dismisses the both of you, eyes flickering back to Aaron as you walk out of her office. Once you're back at your desk, you turned to him. "Well that was embarrassing.

He snorted. "Not as embarrassing as Bob from HR will be when he reads our emails."

You blinked. "What?"

Aaron smiled, slowly backing up from your desk as he made his way to his office. "We'll have to BCC him in our chats, honey."

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #criminal minds #reader making tiktoks abt her boss #reader being thirsty af for aaron hotchner

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apomaro-mellow · 3 months

Text

King&Prince 10

After his foot was deemed fine, Dustin dragged Steve to a sitting room and pushed him onto a couch.

"Wait here. I need to get everyone", he beamed before running off.

Steve really didn't understand what had gotten into him, but figured that he might finally meet this enigmatic Eddie. It was odd that he hadn't made himself known. From how the kids talked, he seemed like a larger than life personality. Dustin must have sent his friends ahead first, because Max, El, and Lucas arrived, and then Will and Mike.

"Where were you this morning?", Max asked, arms crossed.

"I...went on an outing with the king", Steve answered. He didn't think it wise to admit that while on the outing, he had smacked him and ran off up into a tree. Now that he thought about it, the whole thing was embarrassing. Steve rubbed his eyes and groaned.

"What's wrong?", El asked.

"I think my father was right. I'm an absolute idiot."

"Yeah, but a useful one", Robin said, coming in, following behind Dustin. "If our liege is going to be taking you out like that, I suggest we draft up some kind of sign out sheet."

Steve brought his hands down from his face. "What? For me? Like a piece of equipment."

"The music room looks great now, thanks to you", Will pointed out.

"Dustin. Why are we all here?", Lucas asked.

Dustin really looked like his face would break from how hard he was smiling. "You guys aren't gonna believe this. Steve says he's never met Eddie. Ever."

Steve wondered when he got comfortable not hearing the title 'prince' before his name. Probably when people spat it out to him like a curse word. While he was meditating on this, the rest of the group shared confused looks.

Mike spoke up first. "But he-"

"I know!", Dustin giggled.

"Does he-", Lucas stammered, pointing to Steve. "Does he not know-"

"How is that even possible? Is he brain-dead?", Max asked.

"Starting to seem like a real possibility", Robin said.

"If you all came just to insult me, I'll be heading back to my room now", Steve said, standing when El grabbed his arm.

"Wait. Sit", she ordered softly, so he did. Then she looked to the others. "Don't be mean. It's not his fault he doesn't know."

"Know what?", Steve asked.

"Certainly the things a Harrington doesn't know could fill a book", the king announced his presence with that quip. "Perhaps several books."

"Perfect. We're all here", Dustin grinned.

Steve didn't get what he meant by 'all'. "You all were talking him up so much, I thought I was finally going to meet this Eddie." He didn't miss the way the king's eyes got wide.

"This is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen", Will grinned.

Dustin cleared his throat. "Steve, why don't you tell us about Eddie?"

"Why would I tell you about your friend?", Steve crossed his arms.

"Just, tell us how you'd describe him", Lucas urged.

Steve glanced at King Edward, always wary of him, even though there was a small table between them. "He's always hanging around you guys. Telling you stories that you like, playing with you."

"Which was your favorite story?", Dustin asked.

"Depends", Steve shrugged. "If it's the one he does with you guys, I sort of liked that one about the missing friend. I don't believe in leaving anyone behind and I can't believe you argumentative shits actually worked together long enough to find them."

"You gonna let your prisoner call your wards 'shits'?", Robin smirked at the king.

"If the boot fits", he replied, face unreadable.

Steve didn't actually know how the king felt about this band of children. They seemed to enjoy the benefits of having the king's favor, despite at least one of them being a servant's child. Not for the first time, he wondered what they were all doing here.

"Anyway", he continued. "If it's my favorite story about Eddie, probably the one you called the uh, what was it? The ribbon incident?"

The king shot up to his feet and pointed an accusatory finger to Dustin. "You told him about that!?", he squawked in a very un-kingly manner.

"I didn't, Max did", Dustin ratted right away.

"I did. It was funny", Max said.

"What about the nice things about Eddie?", El asked.

"Who's saying nice things about Eddie?", Robin asked, brow raised. "Like, out loud?"

"Great gusts, you'd think they worship him", Steve groaned. "Half the things they told me about were how amazing Eddie was."

"Okay, Steve you can shut up now", Mike warned.

"'Eddie did this and it was great', 'Eddie did that and we fucking loved it'. 'Eddie's the best', Eddie is-", Steve paused when he saw the king smiling. Not just smiling but looking...well and odd combination of smug and bashful. Why would he...wait...

"I'm going to ask a stupid question", he started.

"My word, I think he's got it", Robin said.

"Shh, birdie. There's no such thing as a stupid, little prince", the king looked to him.

There was something different about the way he said 'little prince' this time, but Steve forged ahead. "King Edward...are you Eddie?"

"That I am", he answered.

"You just-you just let these random children call you that?"

King Edward-no Eddie-no, he was still King Edward, looked around the room at the gaggle present. "I wouldn't call them 'random'."

Steve couldn't take it. He was looking at them with...well it could only be described as fondness, as adoration, something like love. He shot up from his seat and marched towards the door, needing to get away. This time, El didn't hold him back. But he did hear Dustin running after him and calling for him. Steve didn't stop until he was back in his room. Not his room, a cell. He might have a better bed and a window now, but this was still very much a prison.

"Hey, what the shit?", Dustin demanded, coming in without so much as a knock.

"You all just expect me to believe all of that? That King Edward is Eddie?"

"Yeah", Dustin jutted his chin out. "Why's that so hard to believe?"

"That man is the same one who cried when his favorite lute broke? The same one who used to sing El to sleep? The same one who ate so many strawberries that he passed out?"

"To be fair, he was shifted into a bat at the time, so it only took like ten strawberries", Dustin clarified.

"You're asking me to look at red and see blue."

"Huh?"

"King Edward is not the same as Eddie. Those are two different people and I won't believe that they're the same." Steve turned to look out the window. He was wasting his time here. He had to think of an escape. It was far up but with enough sheets, this might be a viable option.

"Maybe I don't want you to see blue. Maybe I want you to see purple."

Steve's brow furrowed. "What?"

"You knew about one side of Eddie. Let's call that red. Now you know the other side, his blue side. Now you just need to put them together to make purple", Dustin explained.

"You're asking the impossible." Steve sat down on his bed but kept his eyes trained on the window.

Dustin came over and sat next to him. "Have you ever had someone look at you and only see one thing?"

"It's different with him. He's a tyrant."

“Did you ever think it might be time for you to get rid of that narrow worldview of yours and broaden your horizons?”, Dustin tilted his head like he was talking to a child.

Steve, ever stubborn, didn’t respond and kept looking out the window. He couldn’t see his kingdom from here, and at this point he was wondering if he’d ever lay eyes on it again. He didn’t know whether that would be a bad thing or a blessing. He didn't want to admit it, but Dustin had hit the nail on the head. Back home, he'd only been one thing or the other. People rarely got close enough to see the whole picture of what he was.

“Seriously, what’s the worst thing that can happen?”, Dustin urged, frustrated.

“I’m not going to be toyed with by your king.” At the end of the day, they were mortal enemies. There was no common ground wide enough to change that. A few stories of him not being a menace meant nothing. At least that's what he was telling himself.

"Henderson, leave us alone", the king said, also coming in without knocking.

Steve expected to hear protests, but Dustin got up and left without a word. Apparently he did actually respect the king's authority sometimes. Steve turned, knowing it wasn't wise to have your back towards the enemy.

"Suppose you're here to tell me how nice you actually are."

The king closed the door but didn't step away from it, keeping the distance between them. He looked uncertain and that enough threw Steve off. What did he have to be unsure about?

"There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have said days ago."

"What? Your nickname? I would have figured it out if those brats had any sense of awareness."

"They talk about you the same way."

Steve stood slowly, feeling somehow vulnerable even though neither of them were positioned to fight. "What?"

"Ever since they started talking to you, it was always 'Steve this, Steve that'", the king smiled in much the same way he had before. "'Steve knows so much, I learned a lot from him today'. It was kind of annoying to be honest."

Steve crossed his arms. He could relate, but he wouldn't let that show.

"I didn't want to believe that the son of my enemy could be good with kids. That he could be kind and gentle."

"Why are you telling me this?", Steve asked.

"Because I know you're not like your father. Or your grandfather. As much as you pretend to be."

"You don't know anything. And if you think being nice to me is going to get me to defect, you've got another thing coming."

"You're that loyal to your father?", he felt the words rising up out of his mouth like venom but couldn't decide if he wanted to poison the prince or protect him.

"I'm loyal to my kingdom", Steve said, voice full of sincerity. He knew he wasn't the perfect prince, but his father wasn't infallible either. But Steve's allegiance had been to his people for a long time. He felt as though he'd said too much though, when he saw the king's expression slip.

“Your king…Your father…”, Eddie looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he say it? “When I sent the ransom letter, all I asked was to negotiate. Only then could I guarantee your safe return.”

Steve’s face showed no change. No realization. If anything, he looked resigned.

“King Alric has refused to sit with me.”

“So you can no longer guarantee my safety”, Steve surmised.

There was an even deeper resignation as his shoulders sagged and Eddie knew that Steve believed he was here to execute him. He shook his head frantically, making a decision right then and there.

“Your safety is between you and I now. It has nothing to do with that man.”

Steve frowned. "But you just said-"

"I said you're not your father."

"...So you'll let me go?"

Eddie could hear Nancy berating him and even Jeff giving him some choice words for releasing what should be a very valuable hostage without consulting them first. He pushed their voices away.

"If that is what you wish."

Steve didn't know if he felt a weight lift off his shoulders or a heavier one bear down on him. Before, his father had decided where Steve would go and he obeyed. Then he had been shackled by King Edward, only allowed where he let him. But now he was being giving a choice. To return home or to...to what? Stay here? Was it even a choice?

He felt completely unmoored and didn't know what was right.

"If you stay...", Eddie started, looking unsure himself. "If you stay, you won't be a prisoner anymore."

Steve let out a breath. "Then what will I be?"

Eddie grinned cheekily and Steve thought of the color purple. Dammit, Dustin.

"You'll be one of my little shits."

Steve laughed so sudden and loud that Eddie startled. Everything he'd been feeling had bubbled up and overflowed and finally found its way out. When he finished, he wiped a stray tear and caught his breath.

"Can we think of a better title while I think about it?"

"At your leisure, little prince."

Holy cow can you believe we're nearly done with the first arc?

Part 12

Tag Team

@thesuninyaface @only-evanescent @snakeorsquid @ignoremyworld @theclichefortunecookie @goodolefashionedloverboi @just-a-tiny-void @0body0disphoria0 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @samsoble @jamieweasley13 @y4r3luv @xtkxkrzrizir @un-knownperson @greekgeek24 @justdrugsformethanks @potato-of-the-lord @notaqueenakhaleesi @swimmingbirdrunningrock @queenie-ofthe-void @nebulainajar @lil-gremlin-things @nicememerino @robininblue @hornedqueenofhell @anne-bennett-cosplayer @moomkin77 @here4thetrama @bookworm0690

#apo writes #stranger things #fanfiction #steddie #the party #dustin henderson

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lovelybrooke · 2 months

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Platonic yandere good omens with a darling who loves to read and is teased for it by others, maybe she’s a customer at the bookshop

I've changed this a little bit so I hope you still like it. Based on these headcanons. You don't have to read the to understand this though. Also I think that I overestimated how big the bookshop is, but just use your imagination, it'll be okay.

tw: Bullying (nothing too serious but just making sure)

Masterlist

---

Working at Mr. Fell's bookshop was great.

Granted, the store was very slow, no one barely ever showed up, and when they did you were strictly prohibited from selling books. So, you spent most of your time cleaning up and organizing books, which meant that most days were pretty relaxing.

Except for today.

"Hey kid, you're late." You barely spare a glance at Crowley, who's leaning lazily on one of the many comfy chairs in the shop. Huffing, you rush over to Mr. Fell's desk, placing your bag down next to it.

"You're not my boss, Mr. Crowley." You remind him with a blank tone. It doesn't seem to bother him, not like you can tell, with his glasses basically glued to his face and everything. Even so, you can feel his eyes on you, following you as you walk through the store. "Where is he anyway?" You ask, not seeing your boss anywhere. Crowley shifts in his seat just a bit, perhaps looking around for said man, but you couldn't tell as you hurry to put your school supplies away, Mr. Fell nice enough to let you put your bag near his personal desk so that others wouldn't mess with it.

"I'm not sure--not here either way." Crowley responds when enter back into the front of the shop. You sigh, it's weird for one of them not to know where the other was, but it's fine, everything will be okay.

Working the shop while Mr. Fell wasn't around always made you nervous. He wasn't very strict about most things, but when it came to his books he was always very straight forward on not finalizing any purchases without his permission. It's hard to explain that to potential customers, and with school being--a lot lately, it's been difficult to pay attention and stay on track.

The chime of the bell above the door broke you out of your worries. You were really hoping Mr. Crowley had left, but instead he was still reclining on his chair, eyes focused on one of the many books in this establishment. Instead, it was a group of three students, giggling as they walked into the store. This was your worst nightmare, the giggling, the whispers, the clear teasing that they thought was the funniest thing in the world.

You scurry behind a bookshelf, hoping that they didn't see you, or hear you for that matter. You tried your best to be invisible, busing yourself with task after task as you try to avoid the group of bullies. "Oh my god, (Y/n)? I didn't know you worked here." But eventually, you were found out. The main girl, dressed with a coy smile, stares you down, she definitely knew you worked here.

"Yeah..." You mumble out, looking at her nervously. She snickers towards the two others behind her, before looking back at you.

"Why haven't you told us?" She laughs, calling you a teasing nickname in the process. "We could've gotten so many free books from here--y'know like a friend discount."

"I didn't know we were friends." You answered, backing away when her look turned cold. "And either way, I can't authorize purchases when my boss isn't here."

She crosses her arms, any look of false kindness gone. "Well come on--if he's not here then what's the harm of a few books going missing." She says it's no big deal. You laugh in disbelief at her arrogance.

"I'm not going to give you free books just because we happen to know each other." You stand your ground, moving to put the book back on the shelf. Right when you were about to, however, she reaches over, grabbing the book right out of your hand, yanking it away from you.

"Why are you being so annoying?!" She scoffs. "It's just a stupid book, ugh--this is why nobody likes you--you take everything so seriously!" Her and her friend laugh at your dumb founded face, giggling as you rub your arm lightly.

Your brow furrows in frustration as you try to move to grab the book, groaning as she passes it to one of the others behind her. "Look--give it back--If you want it so bad just wait 'till my boss is back!" You whisper yell. You didn't want Mr. Crowley to hear you, hoping you were far enough into the back of the store to be out of earshot.

The book finally lands back into the main girl's hands, tightly gripping it so there was no possibility that you could get it from her. "If you want it so bad--" She mocks your previous voice of distress "--then take it!" She pushes the book into your chest roughly, causing you to gasp and fall down. The three laugh loudly as tears burn in your eyes, but at least you got the book back, that's all that matters. You waited to get up until you were sure they were away from you, sighing as you wiped your face and placed the book back on the shelf.

You were embarrassed, you didn't want to go back to the front and face Mr. Crowley, not having the capability to deal with his teasing right now. Leaning back on the bookshelf, you sigh once again, closing your eyes as you attempt to steady your breathing. It was quiet, but you could hear shuffling from the other side of the store. They must still be here, and at this point, you wanted them to leave, before Mr. Fell got back.

"--and don't come back!" You heard the voice of Mr. Crowley, accompanied by the slamming of a door. Eyes wide, you didn't know what to say when he turned back to look at you, huffing and puffing clearly annoyed.

He motions towards the sitting area, wanting for you to sit down. "Ugh--the audacity of some--some--teenagers!" He dramatically sits back down onto his seat across from you. "No offense by the way." He adds on.

"None taken..." You respond, slightly confused. "...what did you do?"

"Told 'em off is what I did!" He groans, snarling slightly "can't just come in here and start demanding things!" He mumbled out a bit more, a "rude" and "annoying" quietly leaving his lips.

"Please don't tell Mr. Fell about this." You interrupt his grumbling, causing him to raise a brow. You didn't to lose your job, Mr. Fell was great, but you didn't know what would happen if he learned about today. You looked down at your hands, nervous, "I--"

"Don't tell Mr. Fell what?" You jumped at the sound of a new voice, looking up to see the infamous face of your boss, and your heart dropped. "Does this have anything to do with the students that just rushed out of here?"

"No!" You shoot up, awkward. "--I'm going to get back to get back to work." You rush away from the two men, back towards the back of the store.

---

"(Y/n)" It was Mr. Fell, his voice soft as always. "Crowley told me what happened. I'm so sorry I wasn’t here."

You shake your head, trying to push your emotions down. "It's fine. It's not that big of a deal anyway." You say, rambling. "I'm sorry if any of the books were damaged, I'll pay for it if it was, but I'm pretty sure it was--"

"(Y/N)" He interrupts. "It's fine, please don't worry." He smiles, making you a little less nervous.

"I'll try." A small smile decorates your face. "So...I'm not going to lose my job."

He gasps. "Oh--of course not, sweetheart." He reassures you, lifting a weight from your shoulders. You felt like you could finally breathe again.

"Thank you."

He pats you on the back, "There's no need for that--but if that ever happens again please don't hide it from me."

You nod, getting through the rest of your work day without any problem.

---

It was a slow day at school. You honestly forgot most of what happened back at work, but that was probably because you tried your best to forget it.

"(Y/n)--" You look up from the paper on your desk, coming face to face with said girl you tried so hard to forget. But this time, there was no coy smile, no posey behind her, no giggling. Instead, she was shaking, not being able to lock eyes with you. It was a stark contrast to the girl you saw yesterday.

"Um--I'm sorry..." She mumbled, barely loud enough to hear "...for what happened, yesterday." She stuttered, clearly afraid of something, but you didn't have enough time to respond as she rushed away.

That was strange, but you chose not to focus on it, shrugging your shoulders.

At least she won't be bothering you again.

---

A/N: I had to get this out of my drafts, sorry if this sucks.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #platonic yandere good omens #yandere good omens #good omens x reader #platonic good omens #good omens

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directdogman · 1 year

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In the light of getting Randy facts, could we in theory, get some Oliver ones too? For the Gays?

For the Gays?

And who exactly do you think the Randy facts were for, HMMM? alright, alright. i guess you guys can have a second character post, as a treat. so, what, you wanna see into his head, is that it?

Oliver has a deep well of confidence inside him which he pulls from constantly. This helps give Oliver the zesty enthusiasm that he's known for. As a down side though, Oliver's vast confidence can make him somewhat reckless when it comes to picking his battles.

When Oliver is with his friends and a random problem arises, Oliver has a tendency to say "aha, step aside, I've got this!" and will (slightly more than) occasionally hurt himself through his eager attempt to attempt to perform a task that he clearly isn't remotely qualified to perform. Oliver is right about 20% of the time, and it's beautiful when he is. He just doesn't know how to pick his battles. I swear, Oliver's brain is 25% border collie at times.

While Oliver doesn't exactly think wisely on his feet, his ability to work through puzzles when let think about a problem in silence is basically legendary. Oliver is a natural troubleshooter, subdividing and solving most problems with relative ease.

Oliver has a naturally poor attention span and badly struggles to commit to tasks he doesn't care about, leaving most things he doesn't care about until the very last minute. He's a skilled 3d visualizer and while his long term memory isn't great, his ability to remember a ton of tiny details, short term, while working is exceptional.

Oliver has a natural sense of direction. His brain maps alternate transport routes automatically and he usually knows shortcuts around places he often visits that others miss. Oh, I'll mention a few cross-cast relationships.

Karen: Some of Oliver's humour just genuinely does not land with Karen. It's not even, like, offensive to her, just incomprehensible. "Is this image trying to drive me insane? Is that the joke?" However, she finds about 1/3 of Oliver's humour the funniest thing in the world. Oliver is the only main cast member able to reliably make Karen laugh out loud.

Norm: Norm admires Oliver for being open-minded, honest and compassionate to others. Oliver's tendency to overextend himself and eagerly offer any help that he can think to ask (like an eager greyhound or borzoi, sprinting around in circles) when he offers help to his friends is something Norm has noticed and admires. Oliver has a hands-on attitude and a natural sense of duty/responsibility to others, which reminds Norm of his younger self.

Stabby and Shooty: Stabby: "You can't mug him. Really. We tried and he said no." Shooty: "It's true, you can't. He knows the game." Stabby: "Yeah, he knows we're not actually gonna hurt him if he says no. Someone must've told him." Shooty: "Nah, I reckon he just... didn't think we were capable of taking him when he saw how we were built. Even two on one, bro, the odds aren't really in our favour. Like, we're not exactly BUFF." Stabby: "Yeah. Shit. Yeah... Anyway, nah, still haven't gotten a dime from the guy. But, whatever! FUCK HIM. HIS loss, bro." Shooty: "Yeah, his loss, bro!" Stabby: "..." Shooty: "...You can't deny though, the guy has style." Stabby: "YEAH. Can't deny, the guy's pretty stylish."

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nyoomfruits · 1 month

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nyoomfruits x f1 prompts blog, friends to lovers, 50k, completed

this is the fucking funniest ask i've gotten in a while 10/10 no notes

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lobotomyladylives · 3 months

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Nothing makes me feel more vindicated than going to a TERFs blog to block them and while scrolling for evidence to make sure I see that they are also just a deeply unhappy person likely due to their hateful ideologies. Hope you can become a better person someday and find happiness.

this is the funniest ask I've ever gotten ok so you're telling me that you regularly spend time scrolling through random feminists blogs for signs that they're unhappy (you must have gone very far back to find your "evidence"), and because you don't realize what an unimaginable loser that makes you and how utterly embarrassing it is on a visceral level, you have sent me an anon bragging about it as if it's a sick burn. I'm fucking howling you people are FREAKS lol. we are witnessing levels of jobless hobbyless friendless behavior previously unseen in humans

#PLEASE log off for the first time in what a presume must be a decade and go for a walk #asks

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placeinthemiddleofnowhere · 1 year

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the scene where ghost thought könig had fucked someone else fucking killed me that's the funniest shit I've ever read!!! I could fully relate to sneak hardly being able to contain their laughter! I would have failed, honestly. Oh my god imagine if ghost gets them alone some time later and tries to get them to talk about how they feel about this incident... how they're coping with knowing könig's fucking someone else.... I'm dying

It goes a lil something like this…

You’d needed air. It was hell sitting there in the musty bar fighting off sweat with all the thoughts that swirled in your mind. You were still yet to encounter König since his antics in the gym, and all the while, you’d been dealing with the pitying gazes of your team. It was like being the last puppy at the pound, their big sad eyes staring over at you like they needed to unroot your deep seeded pain.

If only they knew what lay beneath the surface, you thought. Not the damp bed of anguish they assumed, but the loose thread of a lie that would unravel to reveal what you’d really gotten up to with your weekend.

You shuddered and stepped away from the table, almost tripping up on Soap just to get past him. They asked where you were going and you barely had time to say ‘toilet’ before you bypassed the door completely and headed out into the cold. You needed to clear things up, needed to sort your head out.

“Hey!”

Your eyes bulged as you’d noticed Ghost’s thundering steps and heard his growl - there was no mistaking him. You closed your eyes for a moment, trying desperately to compose yourself, before opening them and turning to face him. As if the whispering breeze wasn’t enough, the look in his eyes only doubled your body’s inclination to shiver. You wrapped your arms around yourself in protection.

“I’m ok, Ghost, really.”

“You’re not,” he said, jaw holding firm. “I know you’re not.”

“Well you know, as fine as can be,” you said vaguely, trying to get him off your back.

He snorted at that and shook his head. He wasn’t one for bullshitting, but unfortunately for him, you couldn’t afford to serve up much else. Not if you enjoyed where your head was placed - fixed on top of your neck.

“I had to tell Soap what happened and he told Gaz…”

“Of course you did,” you sighed.

Typical.

There were truly no secrets when something like this happened. Especially not when dealing with your scary guard dog Lieutenant. Normally it was useful but in this case? Not so much.

“They all want to kill him,” he said, voice deadly low. “Might end up having a little issue with his parachute on the next air drop.”

You shuddered at the thought.

“That’s maybe a little extreme, no?” You choked.

“Sneaky…no one messes with the 141. He pulls anything like that again and he’ll never be taking that shirt off again, won’t be fuckin’ able to when he’s paralysed,” he said, dark chuckle sounding from low in his throat.

Suddenly what was funny and rather convenient to you earlier, had immediately lost its charm. You had to find König quick. Perhaps risk a quick text…

#a rocky start #a Rocky oneshot

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vaulthunterlands · 11 months

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now i'm imagining all of the vault hunters working at fast food establishments (except aurelia. she'd probably be a critic at some extremely fancy-pants restaurant), which ones do you think would fit each of those?

Alright this is probably my favorite ask I've gotten in a while. Full disclosure I rarely eat fast food so I'm going solely off of vibes here

Roland: Gives me McDonald's/Burger King manager energy (except he's a good dude and not like a shitty manager) ((we love roland))

Lilith: Honestly? I could see Lilith working at like Panera. If that doesn't count as fast food probably like... Pizza Hut.

Brick: You already know my man works at Burger King. He wears the crown.

Mordecai: Definitely like a pizza hut or domino's type of guy. Tired and doesn't get paid enough (no fast food worker does)

Axton: you know that one drive thru worker who would sing the McDonald's theme and everyone loved him? That's Axton.

Maya: Maya would probably find herself working at Starbucks. I could absolutely see her being a fantastic barista and calling anyone who whined about her order a bitch. Also she'd look good in the apron...

Zer0: Works at Five Guys, also does the "Back at it again at Krispy Kreme" Vine thing every shift. Worked at Subway, got fired because they'd make people speak in haiku to order their sandwiches.

Salvador: Wendy's man. Surprisingly, tame at work. I could also see him as a Dunkin Donuts worker.

Gaige: If Gaige was forced to work fast food she'd probably get a McDonald's job and do the "overly nice but obviously sarcastic" voice to everyone until she snapped and got fired. Also probably dips her metal hand in the grease traps to slap a bitch.

Krieg: "THE LITTLE MAN LOVES THAT CHICKEN FROM POPEYE'S!" also employee of the month.

Athena: Canonically was very desperate for work so probably any of them but I think the funniest thing I can think of is Athena being one of those stone-cold McDonald's managers that have to constantly deal with shitty customers. I could also totally see her being a Chipotle worker and wrapping her burritos way too tightly out of aggression.

Nisha: I don't know if Texas Roadhouse counts but if it doesn't she'd definitely be working at a Pizza Hut. Hates her job.

Wilhelm: Disgruntled Burger King worker. (This ask was in response to the post I made about him)

Claptrap: Honestly, I could see Claptrap at any fast food restaurant but thinking of Claptrap as a sign spinner for like... Taco Bell seems perfect. KFC is also an option (props if you get this)

Timothy: Again, would work any kind of job for money, but I want to say he'd fit into like a Sonic or something.

Aurelia: As per the ask, would not go within 500 feet of a fast food restaurant. Prestigious food critic, total bitch about it. (I really love Aurelia I promise)

FL4K: Gives me Burger King energy because I think it'd be hilarious to see them wearing the crown. Also because I want to hear SungWon Cho (FL4K's VA) say "Your whopper is ready."

Zane: Banned from all fast food restaurants for public inebriation. Was formerly employed at Panda Express.

Moze: You know my girl is a Taco Bell employee. Drinks exclusively Baja Blast mixed with monster. Constantly making suggestions to people about what's good on the menu. Somehow doesn't put on any weight even when her diet is solely Taco Bell for like a month.

Amara: You know Amara would ideally want to work at one of those muscle bars, but as for fast food? I want to say she'd work at Arby's because she finds the commercials funny. That or Chipotle.

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loops-n-boops · 10 months

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While I'm on my bullshit I've decided to bless y'all with more Seed boy headcanons!

Jacob Seed

He can fall asleep anywhere. Will he stay asleep? No. But will he take a good thirty minute nap the moment he sits down in one of the piews? Yes.

Secretly doesn't hate Wheatys radio. He will never admit it but one of the chosen caught him humming Safari Song one time and no one will ever let it down

He fucking loves peanut butter. If he needs a snack and any of the options have peanut butter in it he will down that shit in twenty seconds

He has gotten high with John a few times. The first time it happened was a few months after they got to hope county. The two walked into a convenience store, high at about ten pm and knocked over a whole display. (Someone ask me to write a stoned John and Jacob fic please I'll have a blast)

Jacob and John came out to each other while stoned and the conversation went like this:

"Jacob would you still love me if I liked men?"

"No way me too"

To he more specific about my Jacob Seed sexuality HC I think he's Asexual Homoromantic.

He first started questioning his sexuality when he was about thirteen, finding himself attracted to one of their neighbors.

He calls Joseph Joey and John Johnny, he just doesn't do it in front of others.

When he's bored he radios John and starts screaming the DuckTales theme song (I don't care that it's kinda out of character, he's the annoying older brother dammit

Joseph Seed

When he first started talking to John again he asked him how high he was and John said "No, it's hi how are you" and to this day he views this as the funniest conversation he's ever had

He has a snort laugh

His favorite spider men are Peter B. Parker, Spider Punk and Spider Noir

He sleeps on his back and often people need to put their finger under his nose to make sure he's alive

He can't drive

He knows how to knit

He is afraid of Hurk Jr. and Sharkey. It is purely because they are extremely unpredictable

Would give homophobic target workers speeches on why they're wrong during pride month

When Jacob and John get too childish he pulls them by the ears

John Seed

When mad at Jacob he calls him dumbo

Do you need a hickey covered? Call him, he'll get it done quickly and accurately

He has shitty doctors handwriting

He doesn't spend much on himself but when he does end up spoiling himself you bet your ass yes coming home with a lot of candy and a four pack of beer.

He hates beer by the way. He prefers red wine and vodka.

He paints his nails when he gets bored

He loves Gordon Ramsey shows and will binge them at three am

He tends to bite his nails when nervous

Is the only Seed family member that understands social medias. However he isn't the social media freak most think he would be. He is so glad Joseph hasn't had the idea of having an official because he knows he'll get into so many comment section fights

#far cry 5 #john seed #jacob seed #joseph seed #headcanons

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jasontoddssuper · 7 months

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Dick being a good eldest sibling and team mom headcanons but written by someone who is actually those things because none of y'all understand how found family works

So first thing's first to avoid any confusion:I headcanon Dick as a tomboy trans woman mostly because i've seen so many transfem DC fans say she's an egg but also a bit because i'm an eldest daughter and she's one of my biggest comfort character's who i relate to a lot and i want representation!Now with that out of the way,let's get into this:

A master chef thanks to growing up being taught how to cook by Alfred!!She used to pack Jason and Tim lunch and still does for Duke and Damian and taught Cass a bunch of dishes

She's very openly affectionate both physically and verbally because of how loving she is and Kory and Roy's influence on her and it's common for her to give her younger siblings hugs and platonic kisses.They're all big fans of it except Jason who wants to keep up his 'i'm so cool and edgy' image and gets embarrased by it unless it's only the two of them and she teases him about it by reminding him how much he used to love it and return her actions when he was Robin and that gets him even more flustered

Extremely supportive of the other Batkids' special interests(Autism is a requirement for being a Batfam member).Her and Jason read classical literature together and she was actually the one who opened the gateway for him by introducing him to Shakespeare,Tim and her play video games often(and she may or may not have briefly developed an Ultra Blue Monster addiction briefly thanks to him,whoops-)and her favorites are the time management genre Animal Crossing and Tloz,participates in gothic subculture with Cass whenever asked,tells Duke all about her times living in the 80s and 90s,takes care of and researches animals with Damian and buys purple things she spots for Stephanie when she's out

Speaking of Stephanie,she took one look at her in her Robin costume and went 'There's no way i'm letting Dad handle her alone'.So Dick becomes her big sister/mother figure and Steph's time as Robin is gentler on her thanks to it and when Gotham ressurects her out of love for and belief in her,she goes to her as soon as she's finished revealing she's alive to Bruce and Tim and Dick is an odd mix between shell-shocked and unbelivably happy as Stephanie squeezes her up into a hug,grinning from ear to ear

Next to Damian,she's the shortest of the Batkids thanks to her estrogen making her shrink and they love making jokes about it and she finds it annoying but won't do anything about it other than glaring and threatning to take away [insert privilige here]

Cass finds out she's a butch lesbian super fast because like.Dick is helping Babs in raising her and Miss Nightwing is out there being built both like the Bat Equivalent to Power Girl and an Amazon while having a wolfcut and dressing like That and Babs is,y'know,*makes Batgirl gestures*.She's gotten an undercut by her Black Bat era and the only reason her and Stephanie pine after eachother for so long is that the mix of their trauma and being eachother's first real female friend makes things confusing asf(Also:They grow up to be only valid Batman x Batwoman ship)

She's constantly switching between encouraging them to be more responsible and mature and telling them to be as chaotic and untamed as possible.The eternal eldest daughter and mom friend conflict😔

Sometimes she treats them as younger than they are but not intentionally-It's just that she's so much older than them that she can't help but see them as little kids.Jason and Tim get the biggest brunt of this,with picking them up like she used to out of habit and 'Timmy' and so forth

The other Batkids have to deal with a LOT of thirst comments about her.Jason,Tim and Duke think they're nasty asf and want them to just end already,Cass wonders how they keep coming up with this shit,Damian dosen't get them and Stephanie thinks they're the funniest shit ever.Dick herself couldn't care about them one way or another

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