#fuck that was so difficult
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Word of God/movie backstory aside, it suddenly came to me that there is one other gap of knowledge that has probably contributed to a significant part of the alienation between Touga and Nanami, and it's something that existed throughout all of Nanami's life, so it's given that she wouldn't truly notice it: Touga knows they're adopted, Nanami does not. I think that makes a big difference.
Touga's backstory is bound not to be the exact same as the movie (After all, Nanami isn't even there with him), so I'll let myself speculate a bit. Their biological parents could have died, they could have abandoned them or sold them, or the siblings could have been removed from their care, and unless Nanami was brought in later to wherever Touga was, it's safe to assume that he spent at least 5 years with his original parents. He has memories of a different family, and of losing that family. Nanami doesn't even know about any of it. She doesn't realize there is a side of her brother that she never got to meet.
"Blood" is very important to Nanami. Blood is what Nanami uses to try and reassure herself that the parents who are cold and distant to her, and the brother who's grown cold and distant too, have an eternal unbreakable bond. It's very brittle though. Nanami constantly fears being replaced, discarded or harmed by her family. Most often by Touga, who ironically, happens to be her only blood relative there.
Her anxiety can be very easily explained by her experiences with how she was treated growing up in the Kiryuu household, but I do wonder if there's some subconscious parts of her that tap into these knowledge gaps too. I already felt like it was there, in the way her love for her brother is as protective as it is possessive, and how to protect him from harm, be it real or perceived, she can go feral, often shooting wildly at whoever she thinks is to blame, always hitting the wrong targets; and so maybe, I thought, it is possible that her anxieties are also tied to these repressed early childhood memories. Ones of once having a family, and then losing that world, being thrown someplace unfamiliar. Vague mostly forgotten memories fueling her fear of abandonment, working like a constant little nagging at the back of her head signaling to her how little blood ties really matter in the end.
"Blood" doesn't matter to Touga in the same way. He doesn't hold into a rose colored view of it. He knows by experience how easily those ties can be severed, how fickle they are. That's why when he found a little girl in a coffin, a little girl who spoke of there not being anything eternal, of how those you care about are bound to leave you, and questioning what's even the point of living then, he couldn't give her anything. He couldn't save her. He didn't know the answer for himself either.
#revolutionary girl utena#shoujo kakumei utena#sku#rgu#utena meta#touga kiryuu#nanami kiryuu#utena tenjou#ambi utena post#utena analysis#I'd asked for help with the IDs in the tags but since no one responded I've finally done it myself#fuck that was so difficult#I had to google so many damn words#english being my secong language makes this hard and so does me being autistic#I struggle to describe feelings and facial expressions
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Asexual flag color picked from the celibacy gif
#this was so fucking hard please appreciate my work#gifs are so fucking difficult to color pick#asexual#ace#color picked flags#mod author#celibacy
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I hadn’t drawn the house of hades boys in years! Curse me! This isn’t exactly a remake of an old painting but it’s in the vibe of how I used to draw them all the time. Poetic and stealing kisses
#hades game#zagreus#thanatos#thanzag#I have missed than being a shy tsundere who was so so so fucking difficult to catch up with#loved them and loved this game#can’t wait to see what happens next to curb stomp my heart#no spoilers if there were any clues in the tech test!!!!#I don’t want to hear it lalalallalalalallalala
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Yeah yeaaah yeah yeah
#mp100#my rart#mob psycho 100#SOMETHING must've been in the water when I made this because what the fuck#still amazed it ever got done#loved putting details into this animation and doing shit that only makes sense when it's explicitly explained#and I love mob psycho idk if you can tell#if I regret anything abt this it would be animating at 9fps#don't do that it's so fucking difficult. do at least 12 please#reigen arataka#shigeo kageyama#teruki hanazawa#tsubomi takane#serizawa katsuya#tome kurata#animation#mp100 dimple#ritsu kageyama#suzuki shou
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BALDUR'S GATE 3 (2023) dev. Larian Studios
#bg3edit#baldur's gate#bg3 spoilers#astarion#gale dekarios#karlach cliffgate#mine*#these scenes were so fucking difficult to color but i needed someone ANYONE to see my vision#something something going from wanting to die to wanting to live something something the LOVE IS THE POINT DO YOU SE???E???#anyway#dailygaming#gamingedit
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He’s running away from los wiwis
#scaramouche#pierro#dottore#dottores????#implied dottoscara#yes#that#mhm#doodles#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#absolutely crying#i need to draw more stuff with scara look at him#he pretty#i hate drawing pierro though#man got no business being so hot but difficult to fucking draw
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tiefling jon's first day at the Archives
#id in alt#the magnus archives#tma#magnus archives#elias bouchard#jonathan sims#tma jon#jon tma#jon sims#tma dnd au#tiefling jon#gammijart#tma s4#so this is that comic i was talking about a few weeks ago. with way too many backgrounds and effort#ill say i did enjoy doing the backgrounds a lot and thats worth a whole lot. but also. if this gets no notes i will. cry#anyways. love drawing a correct perspective grid and then fucking it up in favor of something that is wrong but FEELS right <3#also any anachronisms shall be explained by this being a fantasy setting#always difficult to post something that's not a joke. sincerity. yuck#and this does still have some jokes. just less punchy than id usually post. also no jmart or other ships. whoof#i havent done enough with elias. he's such a slimy bastard - v fun to write#he talks a bit more formally here than in canon but tbf he is an elf so /shrug#EDIT: aaaah between panels 4 and 8 i forgot i gave him an ace ring!!
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forgot to mention it before but hi I finally started reading Dungeon Meshi like a week ago and now I decided to color in one of my favorite pages so far
#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi fanart#falin touden#manga panel coloring#Bennett's Drawings#Chimera Falin's design is so fucking cool. I really wanted to do something to give it some appreciation#the wings were quite fun to shade#took a while for Dunmeshi to really grow on me- I actually started reading it months ago but forgot to continue reading. As I usually do#I think it was somewhere around the point where falin gets resurrected that it really clicked for me#I'm like at chapter 77 now btw#it was very difficult to put the manga down last time I was reading it but I really want to spread out my reading experience#so I actually like. Remember what happens in the story. Instead of binging it and immediately forgetting everything
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it was literally their moment and they just let us watch
(if you need me i'll be marinating in this for the foreseeable future)
#magneto#rogue#rogneto#rogueneto#IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO PICK ONLY 10 IMAGES. SOSOSOSO DIFFICULT. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE WAS FUCKING SUBLIME.#thank you to the person who pointed out the bg music is ace of base 'happy nation' ;wwwwwww; SUCH A GOOD SONG FOR THIS#okay but for real never have i had a stronger 'GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME' moment#magneto can we all form a queue to dance with you romantically in the air while an audience watches.............#their body language. their HANDS. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR TONGUE BY HER NECK#no word of a lie ive probably watched this scene 200 times today. new comfort media. inject it directly into my veins.#my husband laughing at me as i rewind and play over and over again from the other side of the room#my fave fave FAAAAVE part of this animation is the lil pan they do#the one between mags and rogue and the lyric 'where the people understand and dream of perfect man'#THERE IS SOMETHING SO SOFT AND ROMANTIC AND ADORING ABOUT IT#disintegrates like a sopping wet piece of bread. thank you animators who worked on this scene#i feel like i am burning with the excitement of a thousand suns over this#xmen 97#leigh's magneto hours
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wheezes into my coffee cup about THEM
#art korner#steter#stiles stilinski#peter hale#steter art#steter fanart#teen wolf#oh my god drawing characters based on real people is so hard#particularly peter#fuck you and your beautiful and difficult face ian bohen#this isn't very exciting as far as artwork goes but i'd never drawn them before and had to get a feel for it lol#please send help it's 2023 and somehow i've fallen into steter hell and cannot get out
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it's me i am girls
#writing#ao3#writing nightmare#fanfiction#fic#fanfiction writing#writers#writer's problems#writing problem#WHY IS IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT#WHY#I KNOW IT'S ABOIT BEING SEEN AND PERCEIVED BUT STILL FUCK ME THAT SHIT IS THE DEVIL#mine
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Starfalls. Again-
This time the endgame version, which I was inspired by while reading the fanfic. I just started thinking about what Steve ended up going through during Infinity War. Lost Bucky again, unable to save him. Lost new friends. For five years. According to Steve's inner clock, he only loses Bucky for two years the first time. And here...five years? Oh-
Then he loses Natasha, his last close friend. Yes, after that everyone who was turned to dust returned, but in the end Tony died. Therefore, a picture where Steve can finally allow himself to collapse. Release the burden of emotions. Mourning and at the same time relief that his Bucky is alive.
There..there are a lot of emotions there, really...
Oh and I enjoyed drawing this-- although I've gotten really into rendering again, I...yeah, I'm starting to feel more confident in drawing people. :']
#marvel#steve rogers#bucky barnes#captain america#winter soldier#avengers endgame#artists on tumblr#sketch#artwork#illustrator on tumblr#art#digital art#the fanfic was good#although it’s hard to compare because I read them incredibly rarely#because allonormativity#*kicks allonormativity*#that fic also turned out to be not platonic but I didn’t understand it until the end so- *sighs*#I know that this is just my problem of my perception#therefore all I can do is not shut up about their deep and complex relationship on my blog#God bless cool goal Mir when are u going home--#a difficult question considering that home is where the card falls#or cards#I forgot something...oh yeah#FUCK ENDGAME#What were they thinking when they wrote this?#Although if the question was to show maximum disrespect for the characters then they did it perfectly#*kicks endgame*#Peggy's husband and children?#Steve's arc about letting go of the past + his strong sense of idealism?#PFFF lmao who gives a fuck at Marvel Studios
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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nooo brother elijah youre so sexy don't steal my equipment hahah
#fallout#fallout new vegas#fnv#craig boone#courier six#boone x courier#nooo dont come in this gold vault and get locked in youre so sexy hahahah#the sierra madre dlc is so fucking. idk what about it is so difficult to me but it is#i get LOST i get STABBED i get LIMB BLOWN UP from radio i FORGET how to save dean and have to reload a save from 2 hours ago#also yeah i imagine if the security systems remove equipment due to radiation... eli's leg brace is gonna get yoinked rip#have fun walking around with your bonk ass leg idiot -brother elijah probably#oc: eli#doodly thingy#fallout tag
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Thinking about waiting for Ghost to be ready for a relationship (kind of continued from this post
(Kinda angsty, self doubt/depreciating thoughts)
When you ask 'What are we?', he panics. He doesn't know. He isn't ready to be a boyfriend, to meet your parents, to open up about his life-
His internal monolog is interrupted by your hand on top of his own. He hadn't realized how anxious he must have appeared- sweaty, hands trembling, shallow breaths, the works. He felt like he was being strangled, and all of this was over a simple question. Why did he ever think he could do this?
You tell him it's okay. You tell him you don't need an answer now if he's not ready. You say that you're fine with the way things are, and if he isn't ready to move forward yet, you'll wait for him.
You tell him you'll always love him regardless.
The world might as well have stopped spinning, because you love him?
He wants to tell you he loves you too, but he's scared. He's still waiting for you to leave. For him to lose feelings. For this to all have been a huge waste of time, or for you to realize you deserve better as soon as he confesses how he really feels.
For a split second, he thinks about leaving. About ghosting you. Maybe even breaking up with you- but that would require him to admit there was something there in the first place. It felt like you had snaked your way around his heart and were squeezing with all your might.
God, he couldn't imagine himself without you. He felt like a fool, naive and childish all over again. Why were you so patient with him? Couldn't you see there was something rotting inside of him?
Once again, he's dragged out of his mind by your presence. You look worried. He can't fathom why you would be worried about him. Nonetheless, he squeezes your hand in return. A simple gesture, but it means the world to you. You know he's trying. You know he's fighting with himself and losing half the battles.
You're determined to win the war.
#*sigh*#I think he'd accidentally be a little bit toxic at times#You won't get proper answers or communication for a long ass time#But he really does love you#He just doesn't know how to do all of *this* yet#He's a complicated guy#So much trauma fucking with the way he sees the world (and you)#And autism can make communication/understanding cues difficult sometimes#I think a relationship with him would be challenging and rocky at first#But you'll get there eventually#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x gn reader#gn!reader#simon ghost riley x reader#Mmm this would be great as a fic but all my wips are still rotting in my notes app#Just wanna throw this out there ig
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second batch of outfit requests!
pattern collage / showfit / clownfit for @koifsssh & candy cardigan Eddie for @jazzzzzzhands <3
#thank you for the Looks! <3#this little Exercise is pushing me out of my comfort zone with poses tbh#in a really good way!!#im learning stuff! im improving day-to-day in little ways#its the small victories i think. good stuff.#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#figuring out dynamic positions and how to balance weight#also its good clothes practice#historically i have very rarely drawn clothes since yk. im dragon-based#but im slooooowwwwwly getting the hang of folds and creases and the mechanics of different kinds of fabric#that candy cardigan was a Challenge tho my fucking god#it was fun! but difficult.#im fairly satisfied with the result#also sorry eddie's bg is very simple compared to the other ones#they were drawn After i watched spiderverse#& promptly decided to live my art life by the rule:#RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!!!!!#its working for me so far. im getting a lil funky w it. emphasis on Little
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