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chaithetics · 1 month

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Late Night Mends

Pairing: Kid (Monkey Man) x reader

Word count: 2.1K

Warning: 18+ MDNI, mentions of anxiety, injuries, not a lot of spice, some fluff, not proof/beta read lol, does not contain spoilers for Monkey Man.

Note: Absolutely am in love with Dev Patel, he adores the world and fandom love! Also special mention to my friend @mittos who helped with this prompt/story ideas. Go and see Monkey Man if you haven't already! And if you have go and see it again! Also jaan is a Hindi term of endearment. Also can we take a moment for Dev Patel's side profile?! Comments, and reblogs are always appreciated as well! I hope you enjoy!

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It was late, extremely late. It had been a slow night but it was quickly becoming the latest it had ever been without his tired, bloody presence. It made you uncomfortable how late it was becoming, he never took this long to show up after a big match. You bit your nails as you couldn’t help but think about the possibility of where he was and scarily, what condition he was in.

It was a risky field that Kid was in, especially when he was the losing dog for the overeager, sweaty crowd not to bet on. He took the punches and rarely complained about it, you’d only ever been to one of his fights before and never again. It was too painful to watch, you’d bitten each of your fingernails right down to the beds, and you swore that it gave you a few grey hairs. If you had any, each of them could be traced back to being his fault, you were sure. You loved him, truly adored him, but he certainly knew how to stress you out.

You’re sitting down waiting for him to arrive. You don’t even realise that you’ve put your hand up to your face to bite your nails but now you know that you must’ve as you’ve been subconsciously biting them as you look out the window waiting, lost in your thoughts. You could think and use that as a distraction but no, the more you think or gaze off, the more you think about him, worry about him and overanalyse every little thing to be analysed, including what would need a magnifying glass to do so. You sigh and rub your face tiredly and also as another poor attempt at a distraction to take your mind away from him.

It was a ridiculous thought, nothing could distract you from him, Kid lived rent-free in your mind 24/7, no matter what you did or wanted. And now was his prime time for filling your head.

You rub your face some more and then look up, you can hear the door quietly open and the sound of gentle footsteps start to make their way to you. You look up as you try to glimpse the start of his lean shadow to confirm that he’s really, really, finally here. The light switch turns on as you see his arm stretch out and then he’s standing there in your doorway.

You look up at him as he stands, he just looks at you for a moment. His gorgeous doe-eyes are wide, he looks exhausted and defeated but there’s a small smile on his face as his eyes meet yours. Ever since you’d known Kid, he had always been a man of few words, which seemed to balance out just how expressive his handsome face was. You liked that though, that his eyes truly were the window to his soul. You did like his voice though as well, you’d have no problem with him using it more. Sometimes he would talk though, about his sweet mother, the stories of Hanuman that his mother had told him and that had vividly stuck with and inspired him still.

You quickly take him in, there’s sweat in his hair, a cut in his cheek, and his knuckles are bloody as always. You bite your lip as you look at him, chewing over your words so you don’t come across as either a scolding lover or treating him like a patient.

“Your hands…” You finally say as he steps closer to you and you can see that he made some attempt to cover them with a bit of cloth but the blood is all over his right hand.

“It’s fine.” He says in a soft whisper, his voice is melodic as always but a little hoarse and deep. He looks down at his hand he tries not to flinch when you take his hand and it’s further proof that no, it really isn’t fine. You sigh and move his hand to check his fingers, it causes discomfort but based on the movement you know it’s not broken at least. It was genuinely impressive that he was still alive, still functioning and not just with everything he’d been through as a young boy, but with the amount of beatings he’d taken at the club. That he’d somehow avoided major damage to his body, that his handsome looks were still intact, and also his teeth. That was a big surprise you had to admit.

“Sit down.” You look at him with a look of concern, one that he doesn’t like. “Come on, I’ll clean it up.” You say softly. He runs his right hand, his good hand through his damp but perfect locks and he sighs, sitting down, waiting for you to fix his wounds and to feel your tender touch.

You’d had the first aid kit ready to go, sitting on the floor waiting for his entrance. You always used it, he always needed it. Your medical background certainly helped, some nights you’d crack a joke that that was the only reason why he was with you. The first time you made that joke his eyes widened at first, and he immediately stuttered to try and reassure her that that wasn’t the case. He didn’t realise that it was a joke. You’d kissed him to reassure him and he kissed you back so sweetly. Now when you made the joke he’d just look at you and give you a small, precious chuckle. You just want to make him smile, make him laugh, bring him joy, and make him feel safe. He deserved that at the very least, especially with his gigantic hug.

His hand clearly had taken the worst of it, you hold it gently in yours, and his hand twitches for a moment. He’s spent most of his life being devoid of affection. He craved a gentle touch, to feel seen and safe in the company of another. He’d started to find that with you, in the way you looked at him, how you carefully held his hand in arms when cleaning an injury and wrapping it up. You somehow had never noticed it, he figured it was because of how attentive you were to his injuries, to him, and his lips quirked up into a secret smile you’d miss over the irony of you not noticing this because of how attentive you were being to him.

“You were later than usual.” You say as you clean his bruised and bloodied knuckles.

“I know.” He whispers as he looks up at you, he’s tired but there’s a small smile on his lips as he knows the scolding is incoming, just what degree is it going to be from you tonight, is the question.

“I was worried, my fingernails are almost as bloody as your knuckles because of how much I was biting them.” You say as you try to clean his hand gently, noting how his hand occasionally twitches in response.

“Would’ve been quite a match.” He whispers before he looks at your hands, noticing your nervously bitten nails. His cheeks heat up as he can’t help but feel a little bit of guilt about causing you to worry so, he’s spent so much of his life without someone who cares about him like this. You sigh and roll your eyes at his response.

“You’re going to be the cause of every single grey hair I have in this lifetime.” You say as you treat the knuckle wounds, making sure you’re gentle. “All I do is worry, you spend every night getting beaten, thrown off tables. It’s going to be too much one day. Something will go wrong. Then what?” Kid can’t help but look up at you, it’s a conversation that’s happened more than a few times. “What if it’s your spine or something? I won’t be able to fix that-” “It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m okay, jaan.” He says as he looks up at you, his big brown eyes are widened and he’s looking at you with his sad puppy dog eyes, he feels bad for making you worry so much.

You sigh, biting your lip as you try to stop yourself from saying anything else. He’s too sweet and so you nod and finish cleaning and bandaging everything. After a moment, you cup his cheek as you look at his warm eyes and you go to get him some water to drink. He watches you and continues to as he drinks the water. You two have become quite good at playing a game of watching each other, almost like it’s a sport to observe the other.

He looks at you, tilting his head which tousles the gorgeous locks he has a little. You sigh and run a hand through his soft brown curls, damp with sweat but somehow miraculously not blood. His hair has always been absolutely perfect. You feel bad for essentially venting your anxieties at him right as he’s come from a long night of work at the club.

“I only scold because I care.” You say but you’re not sure if it’s him or yourself that you’re trying to convince more as you say the words, but it’s true technically. “It’s a form of doting really.” You say as you look at him as he adjusts in his seated position, looking up at you with his wide, doe-eyed orbs. Even if it was a form of doting, you could never stay mad at him for long when having to look into those gorgeous eyes. They’d melt away any troubles and you’re sure if awards were given out for best brown eyes, he’d win. You hated that he did this, that this was how he had to get by. That he had to take these awful, unhealthy beatings but you love him anyway.

He was freshly bandaged now, he moved his hand up and Kid started to slowly caress your cheek, he traced some invisible line so gently with the pads of his fingertips as he looked at you. His doe eyes were filled with adoration and peacefulness as he concentrated on your beauty. You let him, it was soothing and sweet and you had no reason to even consider stopping this. You were his and he was yours.

Your eyes glance down at his fingers, and then you put a hand up to cup his cheek and look into the most beautiful eyes you could ever imagine seeing. After he feels your touch his eyes quickly close and he inhales. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever get used to the feeling of your fingers on his face, of how your hair feels against his skin, or your breath, but he knows for sure, that he’ll at least never tire of it.

His fingers glide down do your mouth and he traces your lips as he looks at them. He tilts his head and before he can even move, you’ve moved your head to press your lips together. There’s something about how gentle his hands are with you, how they feel even after everything that has happened to him and that he does. How it just takes a glance at you for him to melt into a puddle.

You put your hand back into his hair and run it through his curls as he kisses you back and the kiss deepens almost immediately. He cups your cheek gently as your lips move together in sync and you can’t help but start to tug his locks a little and his hand moves to your waist to hold you close against him. You continue to play and tug his hair as his lips move down your chin and jaw and he kisses your neck. You gasp out and tug on his hair a bit more as you feel his breath tickle your throat between his passionate kisses. You struggle to not let out a giggle as he does this and you feel your cheeks heating up as you tilt your head back so your neck is as exposed as possible for him while he kisses your throat and makes his way to your collarbone.

He always gets like this, and so quickly. He just needs a little touch, the reassurance of you being there and he feels an all-consuming need to make up for the years of loneliness, the lack of affection, the lack of physical contact outside of a fight he was guaranteed to lose. He has you in his arms and it’s something right for once, if it was a game this would be a victory, some kind of peace.

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luveline · 10 months

Note

If you have any interest, how about a Spencer blurb where he's off on a case and gets or misses a late night call from the reader and is super worried, only to call them back and find them drunk and missing him. And of course the team rags on him after.

thank u for ur request! fem!reader

Spencer looks down at his phone and goes ghostly white.

"What?" Emily asks. "They had a sale at Waterstones and you missed it?"

Spencer clicks a bunch of buttons on his phone and brings it to his ear, crushing limp hair to his neck. "Seventeen missed calls," he says.

Derek comes to the rescue, though the lightness in his voice is slightly forced, "Don't panic, wonderboy. Who wouldn't be eager to talk to you at… two AM?"

"Is that the time difference?" Emily asks, leaning forward in concern.

Even Hotch puts down his pen. The team listens to the phone ring. It loops, loops, loops, and everybody breathes a sigh of relief when you finally answer. If something happened to you Spencer wouldn't survive it. Nor after everything he's already been through.

"Hey?" he says. There's a gap of silence. "Y/N, are you there?"

"Spencer!"

Spencer turns away from the table they've congregated at and looks through the open window at the parking lot, police cars roaming in and out of spaces. "What's wrong?"

"I miss you so much."

Spencer's nose wrinkles of its own accord. "Yeah? You sound odd. Are you– are you drunk?"

Derek laughs. Like marionettes held tight with strings suddenly cut, the team stop their stressing and send each other knowing, amused looks.

"Just a little bit!" you promise, clearly lying. Your voice catches on the syllables like they're coated in sticky honey, the slightest slurring tripping you up at the end. "We went for– to Chilli's. I had a blooming onion and seven margaritas!"

"I can tell."

"I'm really sorry, Spence, I know I'm not s'posed to call when you're away," you begin.

Spencer glances back. Rossi and JJ have returned with coffee and a late dinner, neither of them bothering to act as though they aren't listening to the conversation.

"No," Spencer says, turning back around and hunching inward, "that's the opposite of what we talked about, isn't it? You can call whenever you want to, but I can't, you know, always answer. I thought something bad happened. Maybe next time you could text me?" Rather than call almost twenty times and give him a heart attack.

Laughter echoes from behind. They team act like a teasing family sometimes, Spencer their teenage son who's never dated.

He would fluster if you weren't talking to him in loud but loving tones, "I can barely walk, texting wasn't happening. I'm para-spelgic."

"You're not," he says, firmly at first. "Are you? Who's with you? Is Rebecca there?" Rebecca being your best friend. Spencer trusts her to take care of you.

"She was, but she said that I– uh… She said I talked about you too much and made her nauseous. I feel kinda sick, too, but I just needed to talk to you, Spence. I miss you. I miss you, are you home soon?"

"Is Rebecca really not there?" he asks. He thinks about the room full of special agents he's standing in and drops his voice to a murmur. "I miss you too."

"She's making toast or something."

"That's good. It'll soak up the margaritas."

"I don't want toast, I want you! Please come home safe, angel. I really wish you were here to do that thing with my ear."

Spencer has to give in. You're speaking so loudly it's impossible the team hadn't heard it, but he can't find the will to be embarrassed any longer. You're drunk and ridiculous and all you can think about is him.

"I wish I was home, too. Do I need to worry about you? Make sure you're drinking water, okay? Alcohol makes you dehydrated, you'll get a bad headache."

"It makes me miss you," you whine.

He smiles fondly. "There's no cure for that." A door opens over the line. "Is that Rebecca?"

"Yeah." Murmurings. "She says sorry for letting me get so drunk, but she didn't let me do anything. It's like you always say, Spence, I can do whatever I set my mind to."

"And you set your mind to getting drunk at Chili's."

"Exactly!"

You talk a little more before he hangs up. He knows you're getting taken care of.

A gaggle of smiling faces greet him as he turns around. "Everything okay, 'angel'?" Derek asks.

Spencer puts his phone in his pocket. You'll text him in the morning with a hankering for Tylenol and sore eyes, but you'll be fine. "Everything's great."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader

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papercorgiworld · 3 months

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How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Mattheo Riddle and Tom Riddle

Nervously tapping your pen against the table has serious consequences when your study partner is a Riddle.

This was a 100% inspired by this post! So go check it out.

Warning: smut, zero plot

I have a lot of other stuff to write, but just couldn’t resist writing this! The ones that follow me should’ve seen this one coming… Anyways, back to writing more!

Mattheo Riddle

You and Mattheo had been friends for a while and as of last exam period, also study buddies. It worked. You were organized and pretty to look at when he got bored of studying. He reminded you about walks, healthy snacks etc. However, at the moment Mattheo was seriously considering walking out of your room and to go study somewhere else, because you kept on hitting your pen on the table at a ridiculous rate. He stared at your hand, clearly your nerves were reaching a breaking point as your eyes scanned the words of your summary, oblivious to the annoying sound you were making. Mattheo stared at the pen being hit against the table at ritmic pace for a minute, before snapping.

Mattheo: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

You stopped and looked up at him in shock, to then look at your pen. “I-” You close your mouth and look back at Mattheo. “I don’t know the correct answer to that question.” You blur out. Clearly you had been studying for too long. For several seconds Mattheo is absolutely stunned by your answer, but before things get awkward he regains his composure. “Well, I could always fuck all your stress away, like the good study budy I am.” The smugness on his face was unbelievable. You shake your head softly, but no words of protest leave your lips as you can’t help but seriously consider his words. When Mattheo notices that a part of you would actually be open to the idea a wide smirk makes its way to his face. “Could really help the both of us out of this little study dip.” He suggests still flirty, but less playful. Your eyes lock and there’s an eager, non-verbal ‘yes, let’s do this’ in your eyes.

You both get up from your seats and for a moment you two seem stuck just standing there, but when the hormones finally kick in properly your hands reach for his shoulders and his hands grab your hips lifting you up on the table. Your legs instinctively open up so Mattheo can stand in between them as your mouths hungrily move into a lustful kiss. “Salazar, finally I can get this ugly thing off of you.” Mattheo grunts, pulling your comfy sweater over your head. “It’s my study sweater.” You whine in protest to him calling it ugly, but Mattheo isn’t listening anymore as his eyes and mind are now focussed on your boobs. “You weren’t wearing a bra.” He breathes, the last bit of self control leaves him and his dick is now begging to be released from his pants. She just sat across from me studying and she wasn’t even wearing a bra. Godss.

“My eyes are up here, Mattheo.” You chuckle. “Whatever.” Mattheo groans while his hand reaches and squeezes your right breast. “I’ve seen your eyes before, love, but this-this is new material that needs to be studied.” His free hand snakes around you pulling you closer and you can now feel his hard member between your legs. If he gets to fondle my breasts I might as well occupy my hands too. You make quick work of his pants and sneak your hand in his boxers to stroke his thick veiny cock. Now Mattheo finally looks away from your breast to kiss you. You moan against his lips as he gives your nipples a soft squeeze, before moving his hands down to your thighs. “Up.” He commands and you lift your ass so he can take off your comfy pants. You let go of him so he can lower your pants, but Mattheo is in a hurry so he simultaneously slips down your panties as well.

Shamelessly he takes your hand and places it back on his rock hard cock, while he stares at your entrance with his hands digging in the flesh of your thigh keeping your legs spread as wide as he wishes. His dominance and lusty eyes alone make your core thob in need of him. “Matty, please.” You whine when you start to feel more vulnerable and desperate. “Of course.” Mattheo whispers with a comforting tone. “I’m gonna take care of you.” His lips move over your cheek as he whispers and kisses you passionately. With his lips on yours he slips a finger through your folds. You instantly reward him with a whiny moan, making him smirk, before quickly repeating his action and going further. Fully digging in a finger, earning filthy desperate moans from you. Meanwhile you are trying to keep focus pumping his dick, wanting to show him as much love as he was giving you. You arch your back and Mattheo inserts another finger as he growls softly at the sight in front of him.

You let your head fall on his shoulder as you try your best to work his dick and Mattheo just watches his fingers move inside your cunt, forcefully circling your clit. Your moans get more and more unsteady and you feel your high approaching. “Matt- I-“ You fail to form a coherent sentence, but Mattheo shushes you in an endearing way. “It’s okay love, just come for me.” At his words your moans turn into cries for more. As your orgasm hits you, you wrap your arm tightly around Mattheo’s neck and soak his fingers. He gives you a sweet kiss on the lips like it’s a reward for your excellent behavior.

With your mouth still hanging open and softly panting, Mattheo watches you while jerking himself. “Turn around for me.” A whimper leaves your lips at his husky words and all you can do is nod, before turning on your feeble legs. Mattheo is quick to have a hand on your hips, helping you keep steady as his other hand pushes you down and lifts your ass. You bite your lips as you feel your core get desperate to be filled by him. He moves his dick gently, teasing your folds before entering and settling deep inside you. Your mouth hangs agape as your body adjusts to his size fully inside of you. Mattheo closes his eyes for a moment enjoying your walls clenching around him. “You might be more than just the perfect study buddy for me. With a pussy as sweet as yours.. fuck.” You whimper as he starts thrusting into, no longer being able to control himself.

He ruts into you, hitting your sweet spot until tears start to fill your eyes. You whimper and cry his name as your body goes numb with sensations. As you’re both closing in on your orgasm Mattheo pulls your back closer to his chest. “Look at how pretty you are.” He whispers in your ear and it’s then that you notice him looking at you from the mirror in your room. His arms wrapped tightly around your body as he fucks into you, with lustful eyes on you. Your walls desperately clench around him demanding him to cum, which does, still holding you close to him and watching you in the mirror. “So beautiful.” Your arm reaches behind you to pull his head into the crook of his neck, where he starts kissing you. You continue to whimper and whine as you come down from your high, feeling his cum and his dick still inside you. Merlin, I’ll never have an orgasm like this. This man is something else.

Tom Riddle

It was late at night and the library was empty except for you and Tom. You still didn’t know how, but for some reason he had privileges to stay in the library for as long as he wished. Normally you would’ve complained about how professors always seemed to let him have his way, but tonight as you were both working on a potions project you were happy that you could stay there this late.

While Tom was writing some important things down you were focused on a specific paragraph, reading it over and over again. However, without being aware of it Tom had stopped writing and was now furiously boring his eyes into your hand that was repeatedly hitting your pen onto the table. He clenches his jaw in an attempt to be cool about it and make you aware of it in a polite way.

Tom: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Not that polite after all. He instantly curses himself for lashing out, but you aren’t offended at all. You just stare at him blankly, before blushing. “I-” Tom watches you attentively as you get more flustered. “I don’t know the correct answer to that question.” You try to joke, but there’s something nervous about your voice. Slowly Tom tilts his head and licks his lips. “You know… we are alone… and a break wouldn’t do any harm.” Gods, yes! Your insides scream, but on the outside you stay quiet. “No need to be shy.” He whispers seductively, turning his chair towards you and gently tugging your hand urging you to leave your chair.

You can feel your whole body heat up as you get up to let him pull you onto him. With your legs on either side of him, he slowly snakes his hands from your sides to your hips and ass. Your hand rests on his chest as you lean in to kiss him. When he judges your kiss a bit too short his hand moves to your head pulling you into a hungry kiss that has you moaning in a matter of seconds. He smirks, satisfied with the reaction he’s getting and rocks your hips into his, rolling your cunt over his bulge. When your breaths get unsteady and he knows how much pleasure he’s giving you he gets more demanding. “Take off your shirt.” When you nod he bites his lips and as a reward he moves your hips even harder over his still clothed member. You quickly work the buttons of your shirt and as soon as it’s removed Tom tugs the strap of your bra down and starts sucking and nibbling your breast while his hand unclasps your bra, so he can now work with both boobs.

The way he was playing with your nipples rather roughly encouraged you to continue riding his bulge, allowing yourself to selfishly enjoy this man. You arch your back and snake a hand behind his neck, making him lean back to enjoy the sight for a moment. You can’t help but soak your panties even more as you watch the arrogant smile on his face. “You are so ready to be taken.” Tom says with a low and husky voice, warning you that he’s hungry for you. With those words he squeezes your ass, making you instinctively move up and giving him the chance to slap your ass, marking what’s definitely his. He smiles smugly at the soft cry that leaves your lips, before pulling you in for a dominant kiss. While his mouth moves to your neck to continue marking you, his fingers slide over your thighs making their way to your panties. Tom quickly pushes the soaked fabric aside to insert two fingers, immediately stretching you and circling your clit. Your loud and desperate cries fill the library as pleasure rushes through your body, making your walls clench in need of more. “So wet.” He whispers in your ear, teeth grazing the skin of your cheek.

As quickly as he had forced his fingers inside of you, they left again. You whine. “Please don’t, play games Tom, I need you.” Your voice is needy and pathetic, causing Tom’s dick to twitch in his pants. “Don’t be inpatient.” He says calmly, but you can hear something animalistic in his voice. His large hands grab your thighs, keeping you in place as he gets up and pushes you against the table. You watch with your legs wide as he unzips his pants, revealing his precum covered size and pumping it. A moan leaves your lips at the view.

Slowly he removes your panties and pushes your skirt up so he can watch your soaking cunt take his cock. “So tight.” He groans as he stretches you carefully. When he’s finally deep inside of you he looks away from your pussy to grab your chin and kiss you. While you sloppily kiss each other he starts rutting inside of you at a merciless pace. He rests his head against yours and grabs your hips to keep you steady. “You take me so well, you might be more than just a good potions partner.” He pants, his eyes on yours, watching how they get watery as you reach a high you’ve never felt before. You nod, your mind hazy and very willing to be more than just his potions partner. Your mouth falls open and your moans get louder as your orgasm makes your whole body tense up. Tom pulls you closer and slows his pace to give you a moment to come down from your high. “Will you do something for me?” He whispers in your ear with a hypnotic voice and you meet his eyes with your shiny once. You would do anything for him and it was obvious, but surprisingly he doesn’t gloat about it and just gives you a soft peck on your temple. He pulls his hard throbbing dick out of you, making you whimper at the emptiness. “Get on your knees.” He says while jerking himself.

With obedient eyes you sink to your knees and without thinking about it you open your mouth. This does make him smirk and he strokes your hair, while guiding his cock inside your mouth. He groans and grits his teeth to keep himself from moaning at the sight of you, half naked and on your knees struggling but eager to take his whole size. It’s this sight that makes his eyes darken and grab your hair, warning you he’s going to fuck your mouth. Which he does harshly, but not for too long as he soon spills his seed deep into your mouth. He holds onto your hair until he’s sure you’ve swallowed. When he lets go you fall to your hands to keep steady.

He zips his pants back up watching you, satisfied with how quickly he had turned you into this mess. However, someone so pretty who took him so well deserved to be taken care of. So he grabs your shirt and wraps it around you. “Come on, I’m taking you to my room.” His voice is soft and he takes your arms, placing them around his shoulders before picking you up. You hide your face in the crook of his neck. Did I just get upgraded from potions partner, to fuck buddy, to …

#slytherin #slytherin boys #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #tom riddle #tom riddle imagine #tom riddle x reader #papercorgiworldwritings

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keerysfreckles · 17 days

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bad ideas right? — LN4 (au)

pairing: fratboy!lando x fem!reader (college au)

summary: during her senior year of college, y/n and her ex get too close for comfort. it was a bad idea, right?

warnings: swearing, kissing, alcohol consumption, sexual themes mentioned but no smut written, bit of a long fic, based on the song "bad idea right?" by olivia rodrigo

a/n: WHAT ON EARTH IS IN THE MIAMI AIR PLS HE LOOKS TOO GOOD

masterlist !

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

y/n didn't remember why her friends dragged her to the 2-star bar at the edge of campus. her brain was becoming fuzzy as the night went on. she's had maybe five drinks, not that she was complaining. herself and her three friends were dancing ridiculously as a song full of bass blared through the speakers.

two of the girls makeup was starting to smudge, one had lost a single shoe, and y/n's loose black dress was definitely the wrong option for tonight. but none of them cared. they all needed this night out before the stress of finals month started.

y/n's phone rang multiple times in the past seven and a half minutes, but couldn't hear or feel the small vibration. on the ninth call she realised her phone was lighting up in her pocket. her eyes struggled to focus on the name, but soon registered the name and number to her ex, lando norris.

the asshole who broke her heart sophomore year. the dick who left her out in the rain after kicking her out of his dorm. the shithead who then ignored her for the following year because she told him what they had was "messy". y/n l/n believed lando norris was the bane of her existence.

so why was he calling her?

he missed her.

twenty three minutes before the first phone call, lando was pacing back and forth in his untidied dorm room. he debated calling for two main reasons. he truly wanted to apologize for the way he's treated her for the past two years, and he was genuinely curious on how she was doing.

the reason for calling her so late was simply because earlier in the day his thumb hovered over her contact to delete it. however, he internally scolded himself when he simply shoved his phone back into his pocket.

lando knew he fucked up with the girl. he knew he hurt her, but he fears he'll never know how much he twisted her heart and proceeded to throw it into the dirt.

so he called her. but was left on voicemail eight– now nine times. he could recite the damn recording after tonight. "hi, it's y/n. i'm probably out so if you'd leave a message that be amazing. thanks! bye!"

on the other side of campus, the four insanely drunk friends were trying to walk back to their two dorm rooms. their arms were all linked together as they walked slowly and in anything but a straight line.

in the span of five minutes the girls got maybe thirty feet away from the club, still laughing over nothing and everything at the same time. y/n groaned in annoyance once she felt her phone ringing again.

this time however, her brain skipped the part to take the time to look at who the caller was. so she answered.

"hello?" she giggles into the phone. she lets go of her friends arms, staying a few feet behind them.

"y/n," her heart twists and her throat tightens at the voice on the other end.

"lando," her voice is quiet.

"why didn't you answer any of my calls?"

lando doesn't miss the giggle and slight slur to her words as she spoke, "me and my friends were out. why? are you some kind of spy now? you just have to know where i am?"

lando goes to speak again, but hears y/n giggle after a curse word falls her lips. the girl can't help but laugh as she tripped over the small crack in the sidewalk, making her phone fall to the floor.

"y/n are you okay? do you guys need me to come get you?"

after two attempts y/n is able to pick up her phone, while one friend tries getting her off the ground.

lando doesn't get a cohesive response, now that two other girl's voices and druken laughter were flooding the speaker.

y/n finally gets to her feet and puts the phone on speaker, "lan, we're just going back to our rooms."

lando's cheeks flush lightly at the nickname he hasn't heard her use in practically forever. he runs a hand over his face, debating on if his idea is stupid or not.

he sighs, "just stay where you guys are alright? i'll come find you and take you back safely."

before y/n can respond, the line goes dead.

so now the four girls were spread out slightly on the cold sidewalk, at least four blocks from their building. two girls were trying their best to look up at the stars without falling over. while y/n and the other were sitting on the curb, leaning against each other.

lando would admit he's surprised that he didn't get a speeding ticket the whole time he was in the car. he took the route from y/n's dorm room, that he's only been in once this year, and drove in the direction of three different bars.

after no luck, he turned around and called y/n again. at the sound of her drunk giggles, he was starting to get annoyed. yes, this was his own idea, but he couldn't live with himself if he knew they were out and he couldn't do anything about it.

after several minutes, he finally got some sort of address out of the girl.

y/n could already feel her head pounding as her friend beside her continued to ramble on about the color green. y/n knew neither of them would remember this conversation in the morning.

her friend cut herself off, "ow! who turned the sun on?"

the "sun" was actually the headlights of lando's dark blue car. y/n leaned over to see him pulling over to their side of the road.

lando muttered out a curse word or two at the state of y/n and her friends. y/n watched as lando struggled to get the three of her friends crammed into the backseat of his car. he managed to get them inside without hitting their heads, so he considered it a job well done.

"c'mon," he held both hands out to help y/n off the curb. she subconsciously leaned into him while he helped her into the front seat. once he triple checked they were all buckled, he gave each of them a water bottle before driving in the direction of their dorm rooms.

the drive was quiet, despite the few druken burps let out between all the girls.

lando had a solid game plan once he parked into the front row outside of the girls' senior building. he would get one out at a time and safely into their room.

after getting one girl out of the backseat, y/n taps on her closed window, catching lando's attention.

"you're gonna need their passcode to unlock the door," her voice was scratcy, but lando could tell the water helped her sober up slightly.

lando thanked y/n after she told him both room codes, which made getting the girls inside much easier. he locked the car doors after each girl, and was quick as he could be to get them to their beds.

two girls were able to walk slightly, while carrying the third was just easier. now y/n was leaning against lando as they went up the single flight of stairs. he kept his grip on her while typing in the code, but y/n didn't let go when the door unlocked.

she silently turned and hugged him. the action caught him off guard for a second, before he held her head to his chest.

"are you gonna be okay?"

"i've missed you lan," y/n completely ignores his question, and he knows she's sincere when her grip slightly tightens on the back of his shirt.

y/n looks up at lando, losing her train of thought now that she gets a good look at him for the first time that night. her cheeks flush at how he's looking down at her, with his stupid backwards hat, and his stupid curls.

lando stares back at her, watching her widened pupils flick between his own eyes.

"i've missed you too," he fianlly admits out loud.

before y/n leaves to go in her room, she leans up to place a kiss on his cheek. the action instantly makes lando's brain fuzzy, as well as the girl's. lando smiles slightly before leaning forward to kiss y/n's forehead.

"call me if you need anything, 'kay?"

y/n nods, watching him now walk down the hallway. she lets out a loud groan once her head hits her pillow. her brain's telling her one thing, but her heart is telling her another.

she groans once more, knowing if she debated this any longer she'd only give herself an even bigger headache. she isn't sure if lando left the parking lot yet, so she throws on a pair of shoes without tying them, and runs down the hallway and back down the stairs.

she's surprised she didn't trip, but the thought leaves her head once she calls lando's name.

his movements stop, his hand halting on the handle of the driver's side door.

his eyebrows instantly furrow, "are you okay?" he doesn't get an answer, y/n only walks over to him with a certain look of determination filling her features.

"is something wrong?" he asks again, now that she's in front of him.

y/n doesn't answer again. two seconds pass until y/n pulls lando's face down to hers. the grip on his neck is soft and firm at the same time while her lips press to his.

lando kisses back almost immediately, one of his hands going to her waist while the other holds the back of her head.

"wait, shit you're not still super drunk are you?" lando pulls back, his lips barely hovering over hers, but concern filled his words.

"yes," y/n nods, "lan i've never wanted anything more."

she sucks in a breath, slightly regretting her choice of words. however her shoulders relax once a smirk makes its way across lando's face, before he's pulling her back towards him.

lando walks backwards, bringing y/n with him, before opening the door to the backseat.

y/n lets out a small laugh, "really?"

lando shrugs, "we can't really fuck in your room with your sleeping roommate." he pulls y/n with him, with her closing the door behind her immediately. her legs rest on either side of his, as his hands move to her thighs, starting to bunch up the material of her dress.

lando pulls away from the kiss once more, "you're sure you really want this?" he can barely concentrate on her answer while she threads the hair at the back of his neck between his fingers.

"i need you lan, please," she's desperate and she knows it, but she couldn't care less.

—

with lando's car now midly humid and smelling like sweat, he runs his fingers up and down y/n's back under her (his) shirt. he heard her breathing even out maybe three minutes ago, as well as her hand going limp by his waist. he knew she'd be out for the rest of the night.

9 am rolls around rather quickly, and y/n wakes up to a repetitive knocking. her eyebrows furrow before she wipes the sleep from her eyes. turning, she's met with a very amused roommate outside of lando's car.

"shit," y/n mumbles. she sits up while shaking a sleeping lando.

"lan, c'mon wake up, steph is outside."

lando wakes surprisingly easily, waving awkwardly at y/n's roommate as she gets out of the car.

"sleep well?" steph jokes, walking quickly after y/n who's almost running up to their dorm.

"want to explain why you were with a shirtless lando, sleeping in his car on this fine saturday morning?"

"no, no i don't," y/n replies while typing in the code to their shared room.

"you seriously slept with him? after what he did to you?" steph asks.

"we were just," y/n pauses, "sleeping."

steph lets out a loud laugh, "sure, and i was just on the phone with the president."

steph closes the door behind her, hearing y/n groan.

"what are you doing here?" she asks the others in the room, rachel and brianna, her other close friends.

"we got a call from steph saying to come here right away," rachel answers, smirking at y/n.

"now we know why this urgent meeting was called," brianna chuckles from y/n's bed.

steph pulls out one of the desk chairs before sitting, "y/n totally had sex with lando last night," she speaks up.

"steph!"

"shit, really?"

"y/n i thought you promised yourself not to be with him again."

y/n rolls her eyes, "i'm not with him or anything. i only see him as a friend."

steph can't help but laugh, as brianna chuckles, "lying to yourself won't help the situation hun."

a small vibration hums, and rachel picks up y/n's phone before squealing. "if he thinks you're just friends, then why did he just text you asking to come to his party tonight?"

"what?" brianna and steph practically jump to look over rachel's shoulders. y/n just grabs her phone as she reads the text herself.

"well, what if you guys come with me?"

brianna shakes her head, "nope, he asked you specifically."

"if he wanted all of us there he would've been more clear," steph adds.

y/n puts her head in her hands, her mind already swarming with what could happen if she goes to lando's stupid party.

her phone hums in her hand again, and she reads the text out loud knowing her friends would ask about it.

"it'd be a small hangout with maybe twenty of us, just want you to be there," y/n can't help but smile at the words on the screen.

her three friends gush at lando's text.

"we can help you with your outfit!" rachel squeals again.

"are you going to go for hot or slutty? or both?"

"guys!" y/n laughs, "the party isn't till tonight."

steph stands, "she's right. we'll get out of your hair so you can sleep, and get rid of this sex-driven hangover you have," y/n sends her a glare.

"just text us when you need us!" brianna calls before the three of them leave y/n alone in the room.

—

"when did you get this little number?" steph pulls out a small red dress from the back of y/n's closet.

steph, brianna and rachel came back to the room an hour ago. rachel helped with y/n's makeup and hair, while brianna and steph were trying to find the perfect outfit.

y/n already vetoed three of steph's picks, stating they were too much for a simple dorm party.

she continues shaking her head at both girl's picks, just making them groan.

"aha!" brianna now pulls out a short dark green velvet dress, with spaghetti straps that cross and twist in the back.

when y/n doesn't shake her head instantly, steph throws both her hands up, "she loves it!"

"no, no i never said that."

steph shrugs, "you basically said it without words."

she takes the dress from brianna, "it's not that bad. only problem is i can't wear a bra with it."

brianna laughs while steph explains, "if you're gonna get laid again, bra's only waste time."

"i'm not having sex with lando tonight!" y/n defends.

"who said anything about lando?" rachel jokes, making y/n's cheeks flush.

y/n triple checks her hair and makeup after steph threw a pair of converse at her, explaining how strappy heels are just another obstacle for horny college guys.

considering lando's dorm room was only a block away, y/n insisted she was fine with walking by herself. she sent the small four person group chat when she started walking up the two flights of stairs to lando's floor.

y/n didn't know why she was nervous. she saw lando less than twenty-four hours ago, and it's not like this is the first time being inside his room.

before anymore consuming thoughts fill her brain, she knocks quickly at the door.

damn, y/n thinks to herself, seeing lando leaning against the doorframe. she hates to admit it, but she doesn't think she's seen anyone look as good as lando does at this very moment.

white shoes cover his feet, with baggy jeans and a white t-shirt, with that stupid backwards hat covering his curls again.

"you just gonna stand and stare all night?" lando smirks, and y/n simply ducks under his arm to go inside. "sure, come on in, make yourself at home," he mutters while closing the door.

the first hour since y/n's gotten there goes by smoothly. like lando said, there was probably sixteen people crammed into his dorm room, with loud music playing and drinks were being poured left and right.

lando, subconsciously or not, stood near y/n almost the entire night. when he gave her a shot he stood next to her after she downed the alcohol. when there was a group talking, lando was sure to be around if y/n was there. at one point lando's hand was on the small of y/n's back, not that she was complaining.

as people started dispersing from lando's dorm room, y/n helped him tidy up. she threw any beer bottles or cans into the garbage bag lando held open for her. he asked if she needed a ride home, but assured she'd be fine considering she only had two shots the whole night.

"thanks for the invite lan," y/n smiles up at him as he leans against the door frame again, watching as she started to walk down the hallway.

"i'm glad you came," he states, making the girl turn to face him. "i'm sorry i've ignored you for the past two years, and treated you like shit."

lando looks down at his shoes, only to find the tops of y/n's shoes now in front of his. he lifts his head, seeing y/n was in front of him now, and not down the hallway.

"why did you treat me like that?" y/n's voice wasn't angry or filled with venom, she just sounded confused.

"i told myself i wasn't ready for the commitment of a relationship," lando's voice is quiet, as he regrets his past actions.

"it's stupid, believe me i–"

"would you tell yourself that now?" she cuts him off.

"what?" it completely catches the brit off gaurd.

"would you say you're not ready for commitment now?"

lando chuckles dryly, "i don't– i don't know y/n. where is this coming from?"

before y/n can think straight, her words leave her lips faster than her brain allows them to stop.

"i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i miss you lan. i really do. i think about you way more than i should, probably five times a day at least. almost everything i do reminds me of you and i hate it. i hate how i can't just call you to ask you to come over and watch a movie. i hate how much of an idiot i was when i actually walked away from your room," y/n takes a breath before continuing, not noticing lando's sincere look. "i should've turned around and tried harder to get you back, and i've kicked myself in the ass everyday because i didn't."

lando doesn't say anything at first, still taking all of her words in carefully. y/n swallowed before turning back around to walk away from the boy who broke her heart, she wasn't going to let him break it again.

her movements stopped once she felt a hand on her wrist.

lando simply pulls her back in front of him, catching her other arm with his other hand as she slightly tripped over her own feet. he moves his hand from her wrist to the side of her face.

lando's adams apple bobs before bringing y/n's lips to his. he stands up straighter once her hands reach his waist. y/n goes to pull away, but lando has other plans when he pushes the back of her nack, crashing his lips to hers.

the pair stumble backwards back into his dorm, moving around the small kitchen to go to his room. on the way, both of their shoes are discarded somewhere by the front door, as well as lando's hat and y/n's phone and wallet.

lando's shirt and belt are hastily taken off by y/n before he lays down on his bed, quick to pull the girl on top of him. he sits up slightly as the two begin to kiss again, a bit slower but more than passionate this time.

lando pulls back for a moment, taking in the sight of the girl in his lap. her hair already tangled in places from his fingers running through the strands. her widened pupils from anything but alcohol this time.

he leans forward again, capturing her lips in between his, as his left hand moves to her shoulder. the slow and intimate moment is new for the both of them, as he slowly pushes the strap of y/n's dress off her shoulder.

"i'll take care of you," lando admits, "i won't try and push you away this time."

"i won't let you," y/n whispers with a shake of her head, before pulling his chin to kiss him again.

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myojinn · 1 month

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Kewpie Mayo - Toge Inumaki

Kewpie Mayo ... Oneshot fanfic Inumaki Toge (JJK) x reader Tags: fluffy fluff, friends to lovers, JJK au Summary: Toge has so much he wants to say, but his sushi ingredients can only do so much. So you help him expand his vocabulary. a/n: My first ever fic! Got this little idea with Toge and I wanted to flesh it out. Feedback would be appreciated <3

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ You were incredibly optimistic before entering Jujutsu Tech. You envisioned yourself going out on daring missions, doing crazy things with your fellow sorcerer friends, learning powerful moves, and so on. You romanticized the hell out of it even before you sat in your first lecture. But reality often disappoints. The missions were dangerous, sure, but you were naive to think they would send you out to fight a special grade like it would be a walk in the park for you. And sure, you go out with the other first years, but you never felt like you fit in. Yuji and Nobara had this chaotic dynamic going on and you could never seem to keep up with. Megumi... well... he just makes you feel like you're a bother, so you'd rather not hang out with him one-on-one. But, at the very least, there was this second year student at Jujutsu Tech that you got along with quite well.

You thought it was weird at first—how he couldn't speak like the rest of you. Maki explained it all to you when you decided to hang out with the second years while they trained together. She told you how he was from a well-known clan with a signature cursed technique. And as you watched him spar with the talking panda (which you also thought was weird), one thing plagued your mind. It must be tough not being able to express yourself normally. You don't know if it was just a natural thing or if you actually felt pity for the guy, but you went up to him. A part of you was also hoping that maybe you'd find 'that' friend in him—the one that isn't too overwhelming and the one that doesn't make you feel like a pain in the ass. "Toge?" You called out to him from behind as he drank from his water bottle. It was a hot day and his sparring session with Panda was intense. You could see the sweat trickle down his temples when he turned to look at you. "Kelp?" So it was true that he speaks in sushi ingredients. You didn't think Maki would make such a strange and elaborate lie about it anyway. You introduced yourself to him with the pretense of wanting to get to know your seniors better.

On that same day, you learned all of the sushi ingredients he used in his daily conversations. And the more you spent your time with him, you could even distinguish the nuances in his tone—the rise and fall of his pitch, how he stresses certain letters, and so on. Sometimes, all you had to do was look at his facial expression and you'd know what he was trying to tell you. Of course, a few days after you introduced yourself to him, you managed to snag his number. Anyone who asked for Toge's number never seemed suspicious at all. No one thinks that asking for his number had any romantic context. Everyone just asked for it so they could talk to him without deciphering his ridiculous language. But once you got that number, oh boy. You two never went a day without talking. When he could freely express himself without the restrictions of his cursed technique, your view of him slowly changed. You realized he had a sense of humor. Truthfully, it was as braindead as it could get, but you couldn't deny laughing at 2 AM at his antics. Toge was a bit of a crackhead as well. He'd say the most out of pocket things as if it was the most normal thing in the world. You picked up on this habit too, and part of him feels proud that he was the one who corrupted you like that. Then one night, after sending your 'good nights' to each other, you had this thought. It was a relentless thought that refused to get out of your head. You wanted to hear Toge speak all the words he'd tell you through your phone screen. But you knew it was impossible. You've heard his voice briefly whenever he'd activate his cursed technique... and you've also heard how he'd violently cough out blood after using a particularly powerful move. Then he'd say that it was no big deal—through text, of course. You only put yourself to sleep when you convinced your stupid brain that forcing Toge to speak and hurt himself wasn't worth it. You hated to see him hurt. After that thought, a whole bunch of other things swarmed your brain—and they were all about your white-haired purple-eyed friend. You were falling for him and you were falling hard. In fact, those same thoughts were running through your head right now and— "Tuna mayo." Right, you were sitting beside him right now—cooling off after training. You have no business to be thinking about such things right now, especially since he's just a couple of inches away. You've also gotten into a habit of just texting each other even though you're face-to-face. He started typing on his phone while your gaze was still on him. Your phone dinged a specific tone. Actually, you had set a special tone for Toge's texts. He didn't let you hear the end of it once he figured it out. He made sure to let everyone know that you liked him. He was right. You liked him very much. But you'd never admit that. You kept the tone the same despite his teasing just so he wouldn't get the satisfaction of watching you get flustered. But deep down, you were dying. You whipped your phone out and saw that he had texted. Toge: Spacing out? Did Panda knock your head a little too hard? You're drooling a bit actually. You: No. I was just thinking. ALSO, my mouth is very dry thank you very much.

Toge: Oh fr? Lemme see how dry it is. Imma check with my mouth too ofc 🫦🥵 You felt all the butterflies on earth suddenly flutter in your stomach. This wasn't new. As your friendship went on—it wasn't unusual for him to pull something silly like this. He thinks it's all fun and games, but his words had you thinking otherwise. But again, you'll never admit you like him. You: Sometimes I'm glad you can only speak sushi ingredients. You stare at the chat bubbles appearing and disappearing on the screen. Then it disappears for quite a while which prompts you to look up at him. There was a slight frown. You'd let off pretty hurtful jabs at each other before, but maybe this one just hit a chord. "Hey... you know I didn't mean that, right?" Your expression softened as you studied his features. "I mean, honestly, I always wished you could speak normally... I love talking to you." You immediately shut yourself up. It's okay. It's okay. You just said that in a friendly way, you thought. It doesn't necessarily mean you LOVED him. You could never say that to him. "Salmon roe?" His face perked up at your admission. You nodded at him. "At some point I even thought about telling you to just make a language with me, you know? I mean, you'd still be speaking in ingredients, but at least you get more out of it." He listens intently before tapping away at his phone again. Toge: That's actually a wonderful idea coming from a dumbo like you. You chuckled and playfully punched his shoulder at the nickname he used for you. He laughed softly back at you and you couldn't help but smile at this little moment you had going on. God, you loved him, but you couldn't tell him that. "Hmm, so what's our word for today? There are still so many sushi ingredients out there that are still unused." Toge nodded enthusiastically. He sent messages as you spoke to him in real time. Toge: Sooo... what's your favorite sushi ingredient? "Rice," you replied without a second thought which earned a sigh from Toge. He sounded disappointed almost.

Toge: That's so basic.

Toge: Putting rice as 'basic bitch' in Toge's dicktionary. You furrowed your brows at him. "And when would this word be useful to you? I don't see you using it frequently." And by true Toge fashion, he flashes that shit-eating grin at you. "Rice." It felt weird hearing him say a different ingredient. Despite what the word meant to the both of you—you just smiled at him. "Okay, then what isn't a basic choice?" Toge: Just think outside of the box for once. You looked off into the distance, thinking hard. Then you got an idea. "Remember the sushi I made you last week? The ones with Kewpie mayo swirls on it?" Toge's face seemed to soften for a moment once you brought that up. He was down in the dumps last week after a losing streak on Fortnite. You thought it was stupid to get all gloomy over a game with flying buses and shit. But you tried your best to cheer him up. So you made him the only thing you knew how to make—sushi, as ironic as it is. You made this batch of sushi with extra love and care. Of course, your signature mayo swirls were on it too. You delivered it to his room and watched him chow down like a caveman. It warmed your heart seeing him enjoy something you made. You craved this feeling. But you'd never voice it out. "How about we add Kewpie to your vocabulary then? Or is it too basic for your taste, sir?" Toge chuckles softly again and then he goes silent. He looks down at his lap with the smallest smile on his face. "Hey, what's wrong with yo—" "Kewpie." You were taken aback. He was acting strange all of a sudden. "So, what does 'Kewpie' mean then?" Toge looked down at his phone and you stared at yours as well. The chat bubbles appeared, disappeared, appeared, disappeared for a long time... and so on. You were getting nervous.

Then, finally, the message arrived. Toge: I love you. Your eyes widened. You had to read it three—no, ten times to actually believe that those were the 8 letters showing up on your screen. And while you were stuck in your little bubble of shock, he sent another message. Toge: I know, I know, pretty cool way to rizz you up huh? He was so fricking silly, even now. How funny is it that the man who literally couldn't utter normal words would be the first to say this. You were perfectly fine saying anything that you wanted, yet you refused to. You refused to tell him you loved him... but maybe now wouldn't be so bad. "I Kewpie you too," you say before bursting out into a wide grin. Toge couldn't help but laugh a bit. He found your happiness way too endearing. So endearing, in fact, that his lips made its way to yours. He gave you a short and sweet peck. You were in absolute awe, but that didn't stop you from leaning in and giving him a quick kiss of your own. Your antics made the both of you laugh. Your racing thoughts about him were finally quelled. In the end, all you needed was to just tell him—tell him that you loved him so much it hurt. You would've, But Toge is Toge... Toge: By the way, 'I Kewpie you too' is grammatically wrong, loser. But it's okay. You're my loser <3 . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ end

Likes and reposts are appreciated :))

myojin-boo 2024

#jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #inumaki x reader #inumaki x you #inumaki toge #jjk inumaki #myoji writes #jujutsu kaisen

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runningfrom2am · 6 months

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leveling the playing field VI

summary: you didn't meet the requirements for the plinth prize, only to find out that you're not just missing out on that- you're missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. your friend wants to help, because maybe you can help each other.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.6k (she's long today DAMN)

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and discussion of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing

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a/n: omg it finally happened?? i couldn't resist anymore i had to :,)

anyway i wanted to pop in for a rare note and say thank you so so much to everyone reading this!! it means so much to me that people are enjoying this as much as i am enjoying writing it :)

so if you are and you wouldn't mind,, please reblog or leave your thoughts in the replies! it really helps me out so that way it can reach more people, and also it really helps motivate me to actually keep writing it bc i'll be reminded people want me to :).

thank you for reading this long ass authors note! and thanks for making it this far in the fic!!

i promise it's not over yet ;) we've still got a long way to go! so hopefully i'll see y'all soon when the next part comes out !

xoxo, raye

You walked back to the academy, still too high on adrenaline to even consider sleeping at that point. By the time Coryo made it back in, it was nearly eight am. You totally understand him wanting to get a bit of extra sleep, considering the night you just had- but who knows how long he was with Dr. Gaul.

Other mentors had started to arrive before he did, and almost everyone made it clear they didn't want to speak with you. You didn't have the energy to chat anyway, you didn't want to. You're endlessly relieved when Coryo arrives, notifying you of his presence with a hand on your shoulder. You jump at this, regardless of his effort to not scare you.

The chair scrapes across the floor and you feel everyone's eyes on you at the dramatic reaction. To him, it really wasn't shocking.

"Sorry- I'm sorry." You chuckle, quickly getting up to give him his spot back.

"Have you slept?" He asks, making no effort to reclaim the desk, noticing how your hands are shaking as you motion for him to sit.

You aren't sure what the safer answer is. Yes, I slept while I was supposed to be watching over Lucy Gray? Or no, I'm still running on the two hours I got a couple of days ago? Neither is very promising, so you decide to just be honest.

"No, uh, I've been watching for Lucy Gray." You point to the screen, unable to control the trembling of your hand as you do. "I couldn't sleep if I wanted to, so I just decided to start drinking coffee a few hours ago. Might as well commit." You explain, trying to force positivity into your tone and a smile on your face.

Coryo eyes you warily. "You should go home. Get some rest."

"No! No, I'm fine." You insist. "I'm not missing it."

"Go home and sleep." He says again, sternly this time. You tend to listen to him when he's commanding so he clung to that approach, but the look in your eyes immediately makes him regret it.

You look down, then back to your seat on the bench. You take a shaky breath before locking eyes with the blonde again. You're full of impulses that contradict each other. To listen to him, to snap and tell him not to speak to you like that, or to storm out and never come back. Realistically, he is under a ridiculous amount of stress. You can't blame him for being a little commandeering. After all, it's what he is meant to do. It's what he's been raised for. "I told you. I can't."

Realization dawns on him and he stares at you for a second, eyes widening. "Right." He nods slightly, shrugging off his coat and holding it out to you. "Just go lay down on the bench." He accentuates his point by shaking the jacket.

You smile, taking it gratefully. "Thank you, Coryo."

"'Course." He nods, finally moving to sit down once you walk away. You settle down on the bench and curl up, your head resting on his bunched-up uniform jacket like it's a pillow. You're not sure you've ever been so comfortable, and you're asleep within a minute.

Coriolanus wonders if his coat will smell like raspberries when you return it.

"What's he doing?" You hear Coryo's accusatory voice before you even open your eyes. As you try and shift, adjusting to the sounds of everyone around you, you come back to reality. No wonder your neck is sore as soon as you sit up, sore from your wooden bed, with no time to really wake up before you're hit with the realization of what's happening on the screen.

"I-I don't know!" Lysistrata says, assumingly replying to him.

You're squinting at the lights as you adjust, the figures of Lucy Gray and Jessup becoming clear as he chases her in her rainbow dress out of the tunnel and across the floor, booking it toward a pile of debris that would allow her to climb up into the stands.

"What's happening?" You ask pointlessly, standing now that you see Coryo is as well.

Lysistrata looks at you, shrugging helplessly as she stands next to Coryo.

"Hey! You promised me that if I-" You start, pacing toward the girl with determination, anger burning up in your chest and in your eyes.

"Y/N/N, wait-" Coriolanus holds his hand out to stop you, effectively his attack dog, from getting any closer. From telling her off for blowing your deal. He squints closer at the screen, not saying a word, just leaving you in a limbo- unsure what to do.

As the camera zooms in on the tribute, his theory is confirmed. Jessup has a white foam surrounding his mouth, and Coryo looks at you knowingly. Had Lucy Gray poisoned him? Surely not, he was her only ally. It was too early to take him out, but maybe she didn't think that through, maybe-

"Rabies." You say, hardly above a whisper, eyes locked back on the screen now as well. "That's why the medications didn't help."

Coriolanus is relieved by this explanation, it makes so much more sense. But only knowing what's wrong doesn't help Lucy Gray, Jessup is still fully feral, chasing her up in the stands on wobbly legs as she makes her way to what is left of a concession stand.

"If she can just stay away, he won't last long in this state." Lysistrata says, looking on with sadness in her eyes. "Poor Jessup..."

"Coryo." You say, ignoring her sympathies, seeing Coryo's mind running miles a minute trying to figure out what to do. "Do you remember those posters in the war? When the rabies breakout happened?" You ask, holding onto his arm, giving him a light shake to snap him out of it. "They said that-"

You don't get to finish before he's reaching for the comunicuff. Water, of course.

"Wait." Lysistrata stops him, grabbing the arm that was reaching for the screen.

"Don't touch him! Jessup's going to die anyway! All we can do is try to keep him away- you just said that!" You fire off at her.

"I know, Y/N." She lets him go, holding her hands out defensively. "Let me do it. He's my tribute, after all."

"Lyssie... You don't have to do that." Coriolanus tells her, and you feel guilty for snapping on her like that. She was just trying to help.

"If Jessup can't win, I want it to be Lucy Gray. That's what he would want, too." She explains, stepping back to her desk, tapping away at the screen and sending in water bottles on faulty drones that are more likely to knock the tributes out and smash the bottle than successfully deliver it to their hand.

Thankfully, this is what you want. You watch quietly as Jessup is bombarded with drones programmed to seek out his features, and Lucy Gray drops behind some of the seats to avoid any flying glass or stray drones. He swings helplessly at them with a board he picked up somewhere along the chase, and you glance at Lyssie for only a second, which is long enough to pick up on the fact that she's crying. God, that's probably your fault.

He trips and falls off the stands, bones audibly cracking on impact. Everyone in the room is silent as Lucy Gray reemerges, climbing down to be at his side.

"God, please don't let him die alone..." Lysistrata whispers, hardly audible even to Coriolanus, who's stood right next to her.

"She won't." He whispers back. "It's not her style."

You swallow, drowning in your own guilt while Lucy Gray is talking to the dying boy, stroking his hair and telling him to go to sleep until his eyes lose all sense of life, chest halting. She closes his eyes gently, which cues the buzzer announcing his death.

"Lyssie..." You stop her as she stands to leave, her eyes glassy. "I'm sorry, I didn't know what you were doing."

She laughs slightly, more tears spilling from her eyes. "Y/N. I know you, okay? I get it. Don't apologize if you don't mean it." Until she finished speaking, you didn't realize her laughs were bitter. "You can't keep taking out your anger issues on everyone else. I'm sick of it, everyone is sick of it- sick of you." She says, not giving you the chance to defend yourself before she's gone. You did mean it, but it's not like she'd ever believe that. You had done this to yourself.

You straighten your shoulders, turning to face the screen again. "Lysistrata will come around." Coryo says, sensing the tension radiating off your skin like a heater.

You just slightly shake your head. "Maybe I... Maybe I should go home. Just for a bit." You say, but it comes out more as a question.

"You should stay." He states, offhandedly sending some food in for Lucy Gray before turning to face you fully. He could guess why you don't want to go home, whether or not you were explicitly told to not return until the games were done, though, he doesn't know. Either way, for him, it wasn't worth the risk.

"Actually, yeah, you're right." You sniff. "I'm just having a moment. I'll be fine." You force a smile, blinking rapidly to push back those stubborn tears that wanted to spill.

"No, no that's not what I meant. I just meant..." Coryo trails off.

"It's okay." You smile and nod. "Can I just get some air, then? I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Please. Don't rush on my account." He nods. "But don't stray too far."

"Yes sir, Mister President." You joke, giving him a lazy salute before heading for the door.

You had been gone for a while, far too long for Coriolanus's comfort. Lucy Gray retreated into the tunnels after receiving the food he sent and seeing Reaper come back into the clearing. Now, with Lucky rambling on about the weather again, he felt like he would snap.

He double-checks once more that Lucy Gray is, in fact, still hiding, before he gets up to go after you.

It doesn't take Coryo long to find you, due to him tracking down the sound of crying in the hall. No doubt in his mind it was you, but he'd never seen you cry before.

You stop at the sound of footsteps, frantically wiping your eyes and nose on your sleeve as you make an effort to stand. By then, he's in front of you.

"Don't get up." He says, crouching down in front of you. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know exactly why you're crying, or how to help. He wishes he did, he would do just about anything. "What do you need?"

You shake your head, forcing a smile and trying to stand anyway. Coryo stops you with a hand on your shoulder. "I-I don't.." You start, but as soon as you speak the tears start flowing again and you feel like you can't breathe.

"It's okay. Hey, you're okay." He says, pulling you into his arms, effectively onto his lap as he sits back. One thing he knows that works with you is a hug- it's all he can do while he thinks over what could be the root of your problem, or was it just that Lysistrata's comment pushed you over the edge? You were overtired, overworked, and this easily could have been the last straw.

Through your tears, you try to tell him that you're fine, but you just stutter and spit and you know you're a mess- a mortification to your family.

"I'm not sick of you, Y/N." Coryo says, rubbing your back. Feeling your hair between his fingers and trying not to tangle it or pull it by mistake. "I could never get sick of you."

It surprises him when you laugh. Of all things, a laugh. It was just so you.

His statement was more of a confession to himself than to you, and when you pull back he's scared. Was it not about that? Was he way off base, or incredibly unhelpful and somehow offended you?

You sniff, wiping your eyes again. "Thanks," You chuckle, shaking your head. "But you don't have to say that."

Coryo tilts his head, confusion knitted into his expression. "I do." He insists, able to look into your eyes now. "I have to tell you that because it's the truth."

You sigh, smiling slightly. Sadly. "You don't see it."

"See it? See what?"

You just shrug, making no attempts to move away. His hands on you, the feeling of him almost surrounding you is comforting. You want to live in it forever, but you know you can't. "Just... That I'm me, I guess." You say, voice cracking. "You're unflinching to it." You're abrasive sometimes, defensive, and some would call you an overall angry person. He doesn't see you that way, and you're not sure why. Today you were slapped in the face with the fact that your actions have consequences more serious than what your parents can make up for with money or unwritten agreements.

"What's wrong with being you?" He asks rhetorically, not giving you a chance for you to argue before he continues. "You did the right thing. They're jealous- that's all it is. None of them fight for what they want like you, they just sit around and wait for it to be handed to them on a silver platter, and you could too, but you're better than that. You're better than them. Stronger than them."

With his hands now moved up to your shoulders, he's shaking you gently, trying to get your mind to soak in what he's telling you. To believe it, because he knows he's right. The reason others avoid you is the very reason he is drawn to you- your ambition is unmatched, except, maybe, by his own.

"Do you understand, Y/N?" Coryo asks, pressing one hand to your cheek and staring deep into your eyes as if he could somehow look into your mind and grab hold of what Lysistrata said, replacing it with his vision of who you are. "You are perfect. They are fools."

Your smile had gone, ready to fight his point, but it returned by the time his rant was done, blush creeping its way across your cheeks and over your nose. "Perfect is a bit of a strong word." You speak softly. "Don't you think?"

"No. I don't." He shakes his head slightly, running his thumb across your cheek to wipe away a stray tear.

The air became thick with everything he said circulating in your head like a carousel. A relentless spinning cycle with Coryo's every word circling around itself and caging in your panic. The spinning seemed to slow after a moment, as if giving you a chance to catch your breath.

Seemingly, in your experience with him, compliments were few and far between. To others, anyway. Not that you were keeping track, but if receiving compliments from Coriolanus Snow was a race you would be winning by a mile, and that's exactly what it felt like every time.

He tilts your chin up again, the same way he had just a couple of days ago in the arena, drawing your eyes back to his. It takes every ounce of his focus to keep his hand from shaking.

Truth be told, the desperate honesty in his eyes was enough to convince you he was right. You are better than them, smarter than them, stronger than them. If Lysistrata and your other classmates chose to hate you for that, that was because of fear. You'd be lying if you tried to say it didn't make you feel better, even powerful. Coriolanus thought it was right, so how could it not be?

You smile, nodding slightly within his grasp. "You're right, aren't you?"

"Always." He validates your entire thought process just like that.

You can't help it anymore. The power of his words push you past the brink, leaning forward to meet his lips with your own. Coryo pulls you forward with his firm and gentle hold on your cheek, meeting you half way. And as he kisses you, heart pounding out of his chest, you both feel fucking invincible.

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#tbosas #tbosas fic #tbosas x reader #coriolanus x you #coryo snow #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus snow #thg #thg fanfic #thg fanfiction #thg series #the hunger games

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wondersinwaynemanor · 3 months

Text

here i go again with "big brother dick grayson strikes again" prompts.

thinking of Dick probably helping his siblings on their first dates and offering to take them to the location.

Dick to Jason: Hey, Little Wing. I know you can take one of your motorcycles, but let me take you. You can just focus on being pretty.

Jason: Shut up, Dick. But, are you sure? I don't know why my hands feel a bit numb-

Dick, takes Jason's hands on his to warm them up and untighten the nerves there: It's okay. I got you. You're okay. It's going to be okay. Don't stress yourself out.

Jason: I know I fucked up many times, Dick. I don't want.. I don't know what to do if I fuck this up.

Dick, brings Jason closer: Shh. You won't, Jay. You're very smart and strong, and so so caring and you don't even realize it it. Ask the kids at the Alley, they idolize you. Roy adores you and everything you do. He knows who you are. And trust me, I'm not that bitter anymore of one of my best friends dating my younger brother.

Jason smiles which warms Dick's heart, making him smile too.

Dick: Plus, we wouldn't want Ollie to think that a Wayne cannot dress up and be romantic right?

Jason grins this time.

Dick to Tim: Timmy, I have a great idea! I'll drive you there. I know you're tired from work already. Just let me know which restaurant then you can rest a bit when we travel there.

Tim: It's okay, Dick. You're also tired from your shift. I'll just let Kon know I'll be late for a few-

Dick: No, no. If you want to rest first, let him know, he'll understand. But I'll still take you.

Tim: But, Dick...

Dick: Nah-uh. I didn't drive you to prom, remember? Let me do this, Baby Bird. And for me to also look out for Lex, just in case he bothers Conner again. We don't want that happening in the middle of your date.

Tim, laughs: Well, Kon will just have to drag Lex's ass to space.

Dick laughs with him.

Dick to Cass: Aww, you look beautiful, Cass. So where you going? Where will you meet Steph?

Cass, fixing her necklace: By her house.

Dick: Great! I already know where that is. I'll drive you there. We don't want to ruin your beauty. I mean, that's totally impossible, but I want you to just relax before the date.

Cass, blushes: I can do it.

Dick: Of course, you can. But I want to. Pretty please, pretty please. I'm a little protective over my sister.

Cass, rolls her eyes fondly but smiles: Of course. Thank you.

Dick: You're most welcome. And tell Steph if she does something extreme like set some fireworks, tell her to lay off with those energy drinks she started on her diet.

Dick to Duke: Little D, Little D! Don't even try to say no cus maybe your brothers and sister have already told you, but this is kinda my tradition now. I'm taking you to your first date.

Duke: They did tell me. But, Dick.. I don't want to be a burden. Weren't you injured-

Dick: No, no. That was like last week. I'm good. As long as you're good with me to take you, right? Now, I don't want to be the burden.

Duke, smiles: Never.

Dick, smiles and gives Duke a side hug: Then you're never a burden too, Little D. A big bro has to look out for the younger ones. Plus, I can say that you dressing up nice comes from my influence.

Duke, chuckles: Who else am I looking up to, right?

Dick to Damian: Shush, Dami. I know you're dating a super, and he can come and get you without a minute to spare, but tell Jon I'll be taking you.

Damian: Richard, please. I'm already at the right age.

Dick, puts a hand on his little (not so anymore) brother's shoulder and he refuses not to tear up (he fails ofc): I know, you've grown up so much, Dami. So much, since I made you Robin. But please, it will make me really happy to do this. It will give me peace, in some way. It sounds ridiculous, but yes.

Damian, doesn't even try to hide the fond he has on his face: Alright, Richard. I'll let Jon know.

Dick: He's not taking you somewhere out of Gotham or Metropolis, right? Cus then we'll have to take the Batplane.

Damian, chuckles: It's in Metropolis, don't worry.

Dick: Phew. I was as nervous as the time I took Tim on his date.

so....

maybe after a few years on Dick and Wally's wedding day, Dick's younger siblings will be walking with him on the aisle by his side and Bruce, their Father, on his other side of course. and they're thankful that the aisle is wide enough to fit the whole Wayne kids. Dick is a crying mess and he hasn't even reached Wally yet by the end of the aisle. because he's genuinely happy to have his siblings take him to the love of his life this time.

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theminecraftbee · 3 months

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> check social links

(Which Social Link should I check on...?)

0 FOOL School Rescue Committee Should this really be an official school club? The group of Persona-users that I'm in now, whether I like it or not. At least I'm helping people by doing all this weird magic nonsense...

I MAGICIAN Scar A fellow Persona-user a year below me, although my senior in fighting Shadows. He's dragged me into his scam crystal-selling operation, which is actually weirdly fun.

II PRIESTESS Beef Pretty large and muscular for a priestess, but sure, I'll bite. A volunteer EMT who is trying to decide whether to follow his family's wishes for university.

III EMPRESS Gem A fellow Persona-user in my year. She wants me to help her study for entrance exams, apparently. Not sure why she's asking me, I missed an entire semester? But it's good enough study for me as well.

IV EMPEROR Impulse A fellow Persona-user in my year. He has a single-minded devotion to overworking himself, despite the fact he seems to be trying to prove it's fine for some reason.

V HIEROPHANT Xisuma An older man who hangs out in the local tea shop. Keeps trying to parent me for some reason, although it seems like his relationship with his actual family's a bit less good, so maybe that's why.

VI LOVERS Etho My lab partner. The whole school's obsessed with him for some reason. My only solace is that he seems to be just as disconcerted by that fact as I am.

VII CHARIOT Skizzleman A fellow Persona-user in my year, and my first friend in this town. I'm helping him find a part-time job. He's sort of ridiculously cheerful, but I know he understands me better than most people.

VIII JUSTICE Grian A fellow Persona-user a year below me, although my senior in fighting Shadows. Keeps dragging me into his pranks, although for such a gregarious guy, he's weirdly isolated.

IX HERMIT Joe Hills One of my teachers, and the head of the School Rescue Committee. He's, frankly, the most bizarre guy I know, and I don't know what to make of any of the "wisdom" he tries to impart on us.

X FORTUNE Tango Apparently, he's a bit of a prodigy in the robotics club, but he first came to me to confess he's considering quitting. I have no idea why this is my problem, but Impulse frowned at me about it, so here I am.

XI STRENGTH False A local martial artist who's been decorated with a number of titles. I just wanted her to teach me how to fight better, but apparently, she's starting to doubt her own fighting ability as well.

XII HANGED MAN Jimmy Igor's assistant in the Velvet Room. He's a bit of an idiot, but he's also my idiot. Mostly wants to request I escort him to places in the human world, although he wants specific fusions sometimes too.

XIII DEATH Cleo A "florist" in town who can source us weapons and fence goods from Altered Space. I'm pretty sure she's actually Yakuza, or at least criminal. She and Joe know each other, although strangely, she doesn't seem to remember from where.

XIV TEMPERANCE Iskall and Stress Two priests at the local shrine. I work for them occasionally to help them with odd jobs around town. They share some common past they don't like to talk about.

XV DEVIL Ren The student council president. He's bizarrely mad with power on a good day, which is weird, because he's also bizarrely kickable on a good day. Keeps on trying to rope me into the Student Council.

XVI TOWER Doc An inventor trying to invent a safe new clean energy source. According to rumors, his last try exploded, killing his lab partner, which constantly makes me question why I'm here.

XVII STAR Zedaph Proprietor of the famous local "Mystery Stir Fry Extravaganza". Frankly, his creations terrify me more than Doc's do. I have no idea why this is Impulse's favorite restaurant.

XVIII MOON Mumbo A fellow Persona-user in the year below me. Apparently, he still gets bullied a lot, but he has a scheme to, and I quote, 'learn to be something scary, like a horse.' Good luck with that, mate.

XIX SUN Pearl An artist that I've always admired. Recently, she was in a terrible car accident, and her hands now constantly shake because of it. I still think she can draw organic shapes better than me, though.

XX JUDGEMENT Soul Reappearance Committee Judgement. Hah. I guess you'd call this Judgement Day, sure.

XXI THE WORLD ... It's me.

#smallishsona au #a bee fic #WOO I HAVE THE FINAL LIST OF EVERYONE!#some of joel's descriptions here actually give away the social link plotline #but a FEW of them actually do not.#but WOO HERE ARE THE SOCIAL LINKS! :D

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lains-reality · 10 months

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hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

#lainsmail

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keyotos · 11 months

Text

disgusting

summary ⎯ after a long day, all you want to do is relax with your boyfriend.

tags ⎯ gn!reader. tooth-rotting fluff. ONE minor innuendo. basically alhaitham is in love.

tana's words ⎯ hi guys sorry for the mini hiatus but i'm bored and i am going to write this very quick and very simple drabble just bc

"why do they always have to run?" you complain as you settle onto the couch that alhaitham was quietly reading on. "i mean, it's never gonna do anything. like, we are the matra. we can catch up to you at any second, but noooo, running will most definitely allow you to evade us," sarcasm dripped from your voice.

alhaitham puts down his book and turns his attention towards you. earlier that night, when you arrived home, you barely even greeted him. now, alhaitham is not one to get clingy due to the fact that you didn't greet him with as much affection as usual, but he was missing you quite a bit (not that he'd ever let you know that), so he was concerned.

the affection you had given him prior tonight was a chaste kiss on the lips. it wasn't much, but it still meant a lot to him, whether he showed it or not. tonight, you pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. ridiculous, alhaitham is well aware, but it still raised some concern within him. your actions meant you probably had a stressful day, which made alhaitham want to know more.

when did he start finding himself enthralled with your very essence? there was no switch to define when his feels for you developed to more than just friends. only a heavy beating in his heart when he was around you. only a feeling of airiness in his chest when he spoke to you.

"what happened today?" alhaitham asked calmly, being the complete opposite to your frazzled antics while describing your hectic day. to help you relax, he began to rub his hands up and down your thigh. you melted into his touch instantly, letting out a deep breath.

"oh you know. the usual research fraud. wasn't even that bad actually. he was probably going to get like, what, two months of suspension and eight months of community service? better fate than most. but instead of surrendering, he chose to run all the way from sumeru city to gandharva ville!" you ranted, throwing your hands in the air to indicate your frustrations. "and he even tried to hide. from the matra. from me! like, you're cornered like a deer here, might as well surrender and make it easier for everyone else."

you rubbed the thigh that didn't occupy alhaitham's hand, "also, i'm sore as hell. all that running from sumeru city to gandharva ville and then all the way back has me spent. i feel like i'm not gonna be able to walk for days."

alhaitham lightly scoffed in response. you were tough, one of the matra's best at that. alhaitham could also think of instances where you couldn't walk, yet pulled through for the next day (ignoring his advice to stay home). however, he wasn't going to comment about that at the moment.

his gaze never left you the entire time. alhaitham was so incredibly focused on your face, studying you and focusing on you like a researcher would, hoping to never let something as brilliant as you go. his eyes traced the movement of your mouth every time you groaned; the way you squeezed your eyes shut when you raved about another frustration; the way your hands moved sporadically through the air.

again, when did go from simply observing you to essentially admiring your every move? and why is it so easy to do so?

"hey," you dragged out the word and poked his cheek. "were you even listening to me? or were you just gawking at me?"

alhaitham is snapped out of his daze, refocusing back on your words. well, he was always focused on your words. just not at this moment. "of course i was listening," alhaitham rolls his eyes teasingly, "if he ran all the way to gandharva ville, maybe he had more to hide. why else would he go through all the trouble? or maybe your face scared him so much he felt he had to run far, far away."

you rolled your eyes, "very funny, acting grand sage. are you trying to get involved in matra business now?"

"quite the contrary," alhaitham countered, "just wanted to get involved in my partner's life. is that a crime?"

"yes," you replied instantaneously. "you'll be arrested now. hope you know that you're getting the life sentence," you grinned, grabbing his wrists and placing them by your hips. you were caged underneath him, smiling wide as ever.

alhaitham finds it hard to not smile back at your antics. most of the time, he tried to keep a stoic composure to keep people away and hide his intentions. but with you, he finds that it all melts away, leaving it only you and him and nothing but bliss.

you were the first to break the silence, "so... were you actually listening to me or were you just making inferences based on what i was saying earlier?" your voice was nothing above a whisper, letting it be known that it was only you and him in the house.

"'course i was listening to you," his voice matched your soft tone, words filled with sincerity and admiration, "how could i not with a voice as sweet as yours?"

and that's when you lose it. you lose it for two reasons: alhaitham was teasing you and you knew that during your entire rant you sounded anything but sweet. malice and exasperation flowed through you as you spoke about today's events. alhaitham was simply pulling your leg, the bastard.

but, that did prove that he was listening. only he would be able to distinct the way your words moved through the air, tainting it with annoyance and irritation. only he would know.

you shoved alhaitham off of you, sending him back to the other side of the couch. "you're disgusting!" you giggled and shoved his shoulder, "i've had enough of you. i'm going to bed," you grabbed a pillow from the couch and shoved your face in it, hoping that alhaitham wouldn't be able to see your blush.

but of course, alhaitham sees through you yet again. "okay. i'll see you soon," he picked up his book and continued to read, knowing that you'd be next to him in a matter of seconds. if you weren't in the matra, you would have had a fulfilling career as a researcher with your curiosity.

"what are you reading?" you rest your head on his shoulder, peering at the pages. you let the pillow that you were holding go, now discarded to the side as you moved towards your boyfriend.

alhaitham closed the book to show you the title, which you read out loud, "remarkably bright creatures. taking a break from nonfiction?" you turned your head to look at him. that feeling alhaitham had in the beginning of your relationship came back, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. no matter how many years you two have been together, alhaitham thinks that he will never be able to shake off the feeling of being in love with you.

"needed to replenish my pallet," he shrugged simply. his vagueness made you even more curiouser, alhaitham's goal in the first place. you could chalk this up to him trying to engage your interests again, but really, alhaitham just wanted your affection. as stupid as it sounds, alhaitham is a man who (at the end of the day) just wants his partner's touch.

you let out a hum and move closer towards him. you had your knees raised up to your chest, reading the words alongside him. your arms were touching, your head almost leaned onto his shoulder.

once you found yourself fascinated enough with the novel, alhaitham took this as his chance to get you closer. he grabbed your waist and pulled you into him, now so close that he could feel the air exhale from your nose. you, too distracted from the words in front of you, didn't seem to pay any mind.

"'as a general rule, i like holes,'" alhaitham began to read from the book, causing you to subvert your gaze towards his face, "'a hole at the top of my tank gives me freedom. but i do not like the hole in her heart. she only has one, not three, like me. tova’s heart. i will do everything i can to help her fill it.'”

"you know," your fingers dance along the bicep that you've curled under, "this octopus reminds me of a certain someone. impassive on the outside, yet he cares about others on the inside."

"comparing me to a sea animal now? i'm surprised you've hit a new low," alhaitham teases you. he accepts your compliment by kissing you on your jaw.

"shut up!" you swat at the same bicep you were just relaxed under, "if i was really comparing you to a sea creature, you'd be a sea lion. cute on the outside, but horrible on the inside," you exaggerated.

alhaitham smirks, "you think i'm cute?"

you immediately notice where you've went wrong. you can't hide your flustered expression from alhaitham this time. you wouldn't be surprised if the bastard planned this. "i also said you were horrible."

"but you also said i was cute," he retorted as if he was boasting.

"emphasis on was. maybe not anymore," you couldn't help but smile at your response.

alhaitham pressed a kiss to your temple, "really? not at all?" he raised an eyebrow as he looked down into your eyes. they say eyes are the window to the soul, and alhaitham is one to think that it is true. he didn't really believe it before he met you, but now, everytime alhaitham looks at you it's as if he can understand everything you're trying to say based on one gaze.

alhaitham was already leaning forward when you decided to kiss him, like he knew that it was coming. cocky, you wanted to think. but you know that's not the truth.

alhaitham knows you so well that it's disgustingly endearing.

hi guys!! sorry i've been away for so long. my writer's block has been so bad and it also doesn't help that i've began my six-week volunteer program as well as other work. i'll try to regulate updates to be asap, but i still dk bc of my crazy schedule. hopefully i'll be able to update more often, but until then!

#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #al haitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #tell a friend to tell a friend... SHES BACKKKKKK #for now at least idk my schedule is hella wild rn #i hope i got his character right bc im fairly new to writing abt genshin #haven't played that game since 2021

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mikachacha · 7 months

Text

𝚆𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚎 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝙹𝚁! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: Bada likes you, the only problem is you're straight or so you thought.

Warnings: Language, some identity crisis, idiots in love

(A/N: Made this while half asleep so not my best work 💀💀)

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

"When will she ever notice that I like her??? This is getting ridiculous now.." Bada groaned as she looked at you from across the room. Bada has been head over heels for you since the day you came to JustJerk to teach.

"She'll notice if you confess." Lusher says and Bada could only sigh. She's been trying her best. She doesn't know if she's the one who's lacking or you're just too innocent to comprehend that Bada is so damn gay for you. She spent nights after nights, facing her mirror and trying to come up with ways to tell you how much she's so in love with you. But it's now four months and you still have no idea about her feelings. Bada didn't give up though. Everyday she makes an effort to talk to you, even giving you coffee every morning since she knows it's your favorite way to start the day. She's just hoping, praying even that one day you'll realize everything she's doing, that you'll realize her feelings.

Unbeknownst to her, you knew. Even before the whole coffee thing. But you're scared. You knew your whole life that you're straight but then Bada came along that made you question everything. You're confused and very much conflicted with this whole situation that you didn't even realized that it has been four whole months.

"Audrey, my love.. I don't know what to do anymoreeee. I mean, I wanna be friends with her but I also want to be more than friends but I don't know how this works??? I've never been with a woman before.. I am stressing out!" you ranted to Audrey, one of your closest friends when she visited you in Korea. Well her group is competing against Bada's team for this show called Street Woman Fighter.

"I mean, if you really like her that much then go for it. What's the worst that could happen? You let fear rule over you to the point you're missing out on what could be the best relationship you'll ever experience. I'm not saying that you should rush things but damn girl! 4 months of her showing you her intentions and you still didn't budge? Not even a date???" you pondered on your friend's words. She's right though. You wasted months because you were scared of exploring yourself.

"Damn since when did you become a love expert?" you joked and she only rolled her eyes playfully at you.

"Well my bestie is a whiny little baby that whines about her love life. I have to keep up and adapt." She jokes back that made you laugh. A bit harsh but it's true. You always whine about your romantic life to her.

The next few weeks have been pure agony. You wanted to talk with Bada about the whole situation but she's busy with the competition or when she's not, she's teaching. Now you're the one who's chasing her around and you didn't like it at all.

"Hey.. Can we talk real quick?" you asked as she's getting ready for a class. Seeing that she still has 30 minutes to spare, she nodded at your request to talk.

"Hi.. So what's up? What did you wanna talk about?" Bada asks and you awkwardly picked on the hem of your jacket. You thought you came in prepared but now you're face to face with Bada, it seems like your whole mind went blank.

"I.. Uhm.. I don't know how to say this.." you tried to speak but there's that fear again. You're scared about how she would react. Your thoughts are racing and you just wanna get out there, fast.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Bada asked, seeing that you're very nervous about something. She wanted to hold you to comfort you but she's not sure if you'd be comfortable with that at all.

"Y-yeah I'm good.. I like you, Bada.. Okay shit.. I don't know but I seriously do. I thought I was straight and all but then you came along and started showing interest then I got confused. I got scared of my own feelings.." you blurted out and Bada stood there, shocked and still processing what the hell just happened. She looked at you and her lack of response made your heart hammer inside your chest, more thoughts raced through your head and you feel like you're about to faint.

Bada noticed the look on your face and immediately wrapped her arms around you, rubbing your back gently as soft sobs left your mouth. Although it was pretty heartbreaking hearing your sobs, she also found it rather cute that you're crying after you just confessed that you like her. Bada tried her best to calm you down and when you were a bit okay, she lets you go for a bit to wipe your tears. She could just stay in that moment, marvelling about your cuteness.

"I like you too, Y/N. I like you a lot ever since you came to teach here. Although we like each other, we're gonna take this slow, yeah? I don't want you to feel that you have to rush into anything. I want to take you out on dates, get to know you more and maybe when that time comes, you can decide if you want to take things to a whole new level with me." Bada says and you nodded your head. You're glad that you weren't late into confessing. Bada still likes you and you're thankful that she wants to take things slow so you can get used to this whole set up.

"Thank you, Bada.. Really. I don't know how things work in this kind of relationship and I don't want to do some stupid shit that will hurt us, or hurt you.." you admitted and Bada smiled, placing a kiss on your cheek that got you blushing like a tomato. You're normally stoic when it comes to lovers or people you like kissing you on the cheek but with Bada, it was a whole different story. She gets you blushing like a tomato even with such a simple gesture.

"Anything for you, beautiful. Wanna wait up for me so we can grab dinner together?" she asks and you nodded, grinning. You're excited to see how your love story unfolds with Bada.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #swf2 #swf2 x reader #bada x reader

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justlemmeadoreyou · 7 months

Text

Unfulfilled

Ok so this was something I wrote a month ago, a simple idea that just popped up in my head. I kinda wanted to make this a series, and I still have the whole story, but I didn't think you all would like it, so tell me if you do! xoxo

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: fluff, cursing

Pairing: nerd!harry x nerd!reader

YN was stressed.

She had a physics exam tomorrow, and the constant flaunting by Harry wasn’t helping.

“I’ve revised thrice. And I am solving previous years’ papers for like, 2 hours now. I still don’t get this.” He sighed, listing up a plethora of achievements that YN was nowhere near.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. You’ve finished the syllabus and are way ahead of me. I am far behind and you’re solving questions. Happy?” YN replied, head pounding from the strain in her eyes.

“What? No! Who said I was listing all the things I’ve already done? And that you’re way behind?” He smirked, and she wanted to smack his face.

“Shut up” she finally said to him, and he started to pout.

“Hey, I was just teasing. Do you want me to help you?” he asked, now feeling a bit guilty.

“No, I’ll do it myself. I just feel a bit stressed.” you replied, placing a hand over your head.

“Let’s go for some coffee. I’ll get you a muffin too” he offered, and who were you to refuse free coffee?

“Sure” you smiled, and he dragged both of your chairs out, pushing them back in after you got up. You exited the library and he followed behind.

“You know you don’t have to worry so much. You’ve studied. I know you have.” he smiled reassuringly, and you could feel some of the tension slipping away, looking at his ridiculously cute dimples.

“Thank you. You are the only person who would say that and I would actually believe it.”

You entered the small cafe, ordering two decafs. You drank it on the way, and went back to studying at the library.

You and Harry were academic rivals, for as long as you can recall. Since high school to senior year, and then here you were attending the same grad school.

Here too, you fought like children. The competition was a bit tougher now, though, since you both wanted to get good placements, and keeping constant 9+ cgpa was a tough task.

Nevertheless, you had become friends.

Good friends, actually. You both gave the valedictorian speech together, and you had to spend a lot of time with him for it. It was then that you realized that he was not so bad after all.

He was quite caring. He constantly checked in on those around him, making sure they were okay, and letting them know that he was there for them. Even right now, he would make you drink water, shared his food with you, and gave you a head massage. He took you for coffee, so that you would get up from the depressing library and get some fresh air, before going back and diving back in.

He was quite balanced too. He was extremely good at studies, and managed everything else along with it.

Everything, which was almost annoying.

He went for a run every morning around the uni, and was ridiculously fit. He was tall, and had great hair. He played occasional basketball too, and there was a plethora of girls who attended the game just to watch him get hit in the balls with the basketball.

He would go to parties too, unlike you, who preferred to stay in and burn your eyes out on a new movie on your laptop. He drank beers, and looked better than you in the morning.

He was so perfect.

How did he manage to do that?

>>>

The exam day had arrived. You had been biting your nails since morning, and had to stop before you drew out blood and had trouble writing. He sent you texts throughout the morning, wishing you luck and encouraging you.

“Love, you’ll do well”

“Yeah, but not as well as you. How many times have you revised now?”

“Four. But-It dosen’t matter!”

“Yeah. Right.”

As if a stressed-and-not-even-revised-once head could compare to a i-revised-five-times one.

Turns out, it did.

On the day of the result, you had managed to bite through your skin, and drew out blood. Your roommate, Lizzy, had put band-aids on each finger, and scolded you for doing it. She wanted to tie your hands to the side even, so they won’t reach your vampire teeth.

As the professor was handing out the papers, you felt nervous. Everything you had written in the paper was coming back to you like an attack, and making you think you had done everything wrong.

Meanwhile, Harry was relaxed.

So relaxed.

He had his arms behind his head, and was leaning on to the backrest, looking like he owned the world. You did not anticipate the change in expression when he saw his score.

“What-?” you could hear the surprise in his shreik, and he pouted like a baby when the professor shushed him.

He was looking at the paper like it wasn’t his own, and as if he had been somehow betrayed.

You managed to walk down to his sheet while the rpof was distributing them to the last benches, and quickly grabbed his sheet to see his score.

“95. Are you mad?”

“Just 95”

He groaned and frowned, trying to take your sheet and see the score.

“What did you get?”

“Oh. I didn’t see” you were so engrossed in his score that you hadn’t even taken a glance at your own paper.

You pulled out your sheet, and glanced at the big red circle.

Holy shit.

“What the-” you stopped mid-sentence, and your expression now matched Harry’s.

“Fuckin’ hell” he snatched the paper from your hands, and frantically started to go through each question. Every question of yours matched his, except one. It was a 3 marker, and you had gotten it right.

“I solved this in like, 30 seconds. It’s ridiculous-” he held the paper up, reading the question, “-Is it easier to pull, or push?” he put it down, and said “ Pull. Obviously.”

“That’s not true. It actually depends on the situation. Plus, you had to give an example.”

“What did you write?”

“It depends on the situation. If you were to move a lawn mover, pull would be easy. If you were moving an almirah, push would be easy.”

“Shit” he looked sad and confused, and to be honest, you felt bad for him.

“I can’t believe you got more than me.”

“Yeah. Suck on it, Styles’”

“Hey! I helped you!”

“Well, you couldn’t even answer a push n’ pull question. Next time, I’ll help you” you couldn’t stop the big smirk that stayed on your face throughout the class.

And honestly, even Harry couldn’t stop the warm glow spreading across his face from seeing you happy.

(next part)

perfect dividers by @firefly-graphics

any feedback, like, reblog is very appreciated! xoxo

let me know if you like it! // my masterlist

tip me here if you feel generous!!

taglist: @freedomfireflies @gurugirl @thechaoticjoy @styleslover-1994 @gem1712 @ellaorchard @bxbyysstuff @opheliaofficial07 @rafaaoli @tchlamqtsgf @the-mouse27 @indierockgirrl @vrittivsanghavi @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @drewrry @babyiamperfectforyou @avalentina

let me know if you want to be added or removed!

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safedistancefrombeingsmart · 4 months

Text

What did John say in his letter to Sherlock? We never find out and I regularly wonder what John could have written. Here's my version of John's letter.

(Also, this is my 1st time writing anything, so this is a bit nerve- wracking stressful. Not a native speaker, not beta'd/ britpicked, and so on.)

Warnings: nothing too bad, just a bit lot of angst.

Broken

You broke me, Sherlock. You broke me in so many ways and I don't know if I can ever recover from it.

I have been damaged before. By Mum and Dad, by Harry. Bit by bit, piece by piece I rebuild myself, every time. Then came Afghanistan and it broke me more than anything before, inside and out. It took away my career, my future and I was certain that I could never fix what the war took from me. I was ready to end it all, on my own terms.

But then I met you and to my surprise you could repair what I could not, not on my own. You gave me purpose and brought back joy to my life. I felt alive. Needed. Happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy before, and I am sure I never will be again. I was convinced that you would never do anything to harm my happiness. But you did.

You broke me, shattered me when you jumped off that damn roof. You crushed my heart into a million pieces when you leapt into inevitable death, when I saw your skull cracked open and your dead eyes and the blood. So much blood. I didn't know that it was just a magic trick. A lie. Why did you have to lie to me, Sherlock? Not trust me enough to take me with you? I would have gone everywhere with you, done everything for you. Everything. I think that's what hurt the most. You not trusting me. I trusted you. With everything I had. And you broke that trust by not trusting me.

I don't know how I managed not to fling myself off that same roof. Oh, I've thought about it. Many, many times. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't do this to Mrs. H. or Greg who had already lost a son (or close enough) and a friend. I could not be that selfish. Yes, I thought you were a selfish bastard. Doing that to us. To me. Even made me watch. Cruel doesn't even come close to describe what you did. Did you know that I don't dream about Afghanistan anymore? I dream about your Fall and the cracked skull and the dead eyes and the blood. And how I failed to save you. You never needed saving, but I didn't know that and it haunts me to this day.

I don't know what Mary saw in me. I was a grieving, broken man with no purpose. But she insisted that she liked me and I couldn't convince her that I wasn't worth her time. She distracted me from the grief and in a way she saved me, not unlike you did when we first met.

And then you came back. And I should have been happy, right? The miracle I had asked for so many times. But you treated your return like a joke, like it didn't matter -like I didn't matter- and you ridiculed me and something else inside me broke and this time I broke something of yours in return. Sorry about the nose, but I was so FUCKING angry and you kept talking and you kept being an enormous prick and it made me so angry.

Mary thought she talked me around, to see you again, to talk to you again. The truth is: I needed no one to talk me around. I could have never stayed away from you for too long. As soon as (most of) my anger had vanished, I was drawn back to you like a moth to the light. And I thought that, maybe, I could be happy again. With you AND Mary by my side. And a little girl on the way.

And then you got shot and I nearly lost you. Again. My heart shattered to pieces, again, while I waited for news at the hospital. And as if it wasn't bad enough with you nearly dying, it was bloody Mary who tried to break me this time by breaking you. How could you not see who she really was? The world's only Consulting Detective and the smartest man I have ever known, and you didn't bloody know??? I could not leave her, not with Rosie on the way. I didn't want my little girl to grow up without a father. I promised her to be a better father than my own and I could never break this promise. Not before she was even born. But you made me break that promise. You didn't pull the trigger, that day in the aquarium, but you might have as well. You SWORE to protect Mary so my little girl would have a mother and she still died. I cannot care for Rosie, not on my own. I can barely take care of myself.

I am a broken man, Sherlock, I am not the man I want to be. Not anymore. I am a washed up soldier and doctor, a single father who can't take care of his daughter, a son and brother being only 1 step away from following his father's and sister's footsteps and becoming a full blown alcoholic.

I can't be near you anymore. Not until I get better. And I don't know if I ever can. I do not trust myself, with all the anger and sadness and guilt and broken promises. Maybe this time I am broken beyond repair.

Do not contact me. Do not follow me. Do not spy on me (same goes for you, Mycroft!). Don't even think about me. Do not! Sherlock, I mean it. This time it has to be my way, not yours.

I don't know when I can bear to see you again, if I can bear to ever see you again. And this thought breaks whatever is left of my already broken heart.

John

(AO3 link)

#john watson #sherlock holmes #sherlock bbc #bbc sherlock #fanfic #sherlock fanfic #sherlock fandom #my fics

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