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myun-saidthoughts · 9 months

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Disorganized Attachment Style: What Happens When Someone Becomes "Consistent"

One thing no one talks about with a disorganized attachment style, is the way your brain will automatically block and suppress feelings for someone once these feelings don't mirror the same pain you once felt growing up. Once they become somehow consistent for you, it can feel worse when they come to you because suddenly they don't fill your deepest void, and you'll ask yourself "do i still care?" "why am i not overly attached to this outcome anymore?" "i don't feel fear but i also don't feel this intense need for them, do i even want them?"

Struggling with a disorganized attachment style with abandonment issues creates this idea in your head where those questions causes deactivation and the desire for them somehow vanishes.

The intense lows and highs/feelings that once persisted must always be there or the lack of will showcase a less desire for them.

Therefore a lack of fear = lack of interest.

You feel comfortable with the scarcity mindset, you feel comfortable with "'needing" someone, so when you don't have that need, there's a part of you that feels like they won't be able to give you the "fulfillment" feeling you think you always need in order to like someone.

The truth is, that feeling you are holding onto is just a comfort zone for you and keeps you from letting that one part of you that you hide, out.

That feeling of not needing is something you're not familiar with, so with it brings up the need of past patterns that you once subconsciously or consciously always held onto.

It's okay to not need someone, it's okay to not have this black or white mindset with other souls, and it's okay to just be okay in the moment and not have a constant rollercoaster of emotions embody you. This "desire" you think you always need in order to feel emotionally safe is only because now it doesn't represent the home or care you received as a child.

You're comfortable with the highs and the lows so when someone you once felt you could lose no longer gives you that fear, somehow that need for them dissipates.

Now if you experience this, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you can't fall in love, it just means you now are experiencing love or care in a way that you feel is unsafe because it's the love you've never had the chance to hold onto.

It's okay to not need someone.

#fearful attachment style #fearful avoidant #fa attachment #disorganized attachment #disorganized attachment style #abandonment #abandonedment wounds #abandonment issues #abandoned #fear of love #scared of commitment #fear of commitment #trauma #afraid to love #fear of vulnerability

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h3llgurlie · 4 months

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I always wonder how ppl with no prior dating experience “casually” date other ppl after turning 18, I literally can’t go on a date without fighting off a panic attack or overthinking into insanity. It fucking sucks.

#female loneliness #female hysteria #fear of intimacy #all encompassing loneliness #i need a hug #i need clinical help #female rage #autism #fear of abandonment #my tism wont let me interact normally with the opposite sex #fear of commitment

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marius-was-unhinged · 11 days

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What kind of shit is it, i have bpd but to be honest i am more scared of commitment than of abandonment. I am for almost a year in rather happy relationship, (second and longest relationship in my life) but i feel panic whenever i think about staying together. Not dating anyone else to the end of my life. Settling down, end of adventures. I'll like him but idea of being together until death scares me. As if i was getting locked in a cage.

#actually bpd #fear of commitment #commitment issues #cluster b #actually mentally ill #aspd #npd

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meanslackofart · 1 year

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we both knew we were never

going to be a happy ending

but our story is something

i'll forever remember

and yes, maybe our story was titanic

where our fear of commitment

was the iceberg

making our ship sink in the ice cold water

i could have given that space

on the floating door to you

but i guess i got selfish

to save myself

from the heartbreak

that was inevitable, regardless.

-sg

(11/05/23 || 10:42pm)

#poem #meanslackofart #spilled thoughts #life #him #poetry #random #write #titanic #fear of commitment #iceberg #ugh #heartbreak #situationship #ship #sink #🤡

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twinkdrama · 2 years

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fear of abandonment and fear of intimacy come as a package deal

#fear of commitment #fear of abandonment #fear of intimacy #attachment trauma #bpd #mine #100

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shadowviixen · 8 months

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"If I were brave enough to be a fool I would allow you to warp me in whatever form you wish. But darling I was a rationalist, lest I welcomed love as my demise like how Icarus pursued the sun.

©Draper, H. (1898). The Lament for Icarus

To compare my love to Icarus would be fruitless and akin to plastering my face in shame. And perhaps, I simply cannot love you as much... Because my fear is bigger than my heart."

©René Milot. The fall of Icarus.

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winterfireice · 1 year

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The want of being wanted but the fear of being wanted

#am i making sense #I hope people know what I mean #fear of commitment

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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So I'm definitely on the ace spectrum or even completely ace, but whenever I see something on commitment phobia I also know that I have this and that it may come from past relationships that didn’t work out because I am ace. I used to confuse being ace with being commitment phobic but I can tell you now you can really be both, but at least the phobia is something you can work on. Then again it's hard to work on something if it's not exactly a priority in your life… Just kinda bothersome when it goes so far as to keeping distance to opposite sex friends as soon as they give you a little too much attention even if it’s all friendly. Being ace has only fueled this fear more. Sigh

#asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #dating #relationships #fear of commitment #commitmentphobia #commitment issues

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angry--wolf · 1 year

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I can't quite explain it but my fear of commitment is more of the person then the act of commiting.

someone loving me specifically BACK it's just so????? keiciskxjedba????? what am I supposed to do with it?????? the fuck????

I love someone and if by some fucking reason they want me too they become this little alien thing that I don't know what to do and I wanna kill them multiple times bc How Do I Handle That.

#fear of commitment #venting #relationships #disorganized attachment #about love #vent #fear of rejection #fearful avoidant #my post

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myun-saidthoughts · 2 months

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Disorganized Attachment Style:

it hurts to wish for a love my own soul is unable of carrying, my wish for romance are like waves, as the wish comes it never stays. my hidden wish to be held only bleeds out when i can't tell, this desire seeps so far into my bones that without that wish to be held, i can't care to be held.

#fear of love #disorganized attachment style #fearful avoidant #fa attachment #disorganized attachment #attachment styles #fear of vulnerability #fear of commitment

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paigeypaige19 · 10 months

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“Guys like Gus were never the ones to pump the brakes when the emotional-entanglement train started moving, and they were always the ones to jump out and roll clear of the tracks once they realized they’d reached top speed.”― Emily Henry, Beach Read

#emily henry #beach read #book quotes #lit quotes #quotes #romance books #romance #fear of commitment #fear of intimacy #love quotes #relationships

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passionbubble · 1 year

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I have a fear of commitment

It’s not a leave before you get left mentality, but more of a “I’m going to enjoy the time I have before you go”

I don’t have a “one foot out the door” state of mind. It’s a “I have a suitcase already packed just in case this ends” way of living.

Love does not scare me, it’s the fear of being the ONLY one in love that keeps me in this box.

You tell me that you aren’t going to leave, that you’re here to stay. God I wish I could tell you how many times that sentence has been tossed my way. So I’ll tell you “okay”, but I’ve learned from a young age that everyone leaves eventually.

But you’ll stay- and I’ll realize that you’re staying. This terrifies me, because it doesn’t fit the narrative that I’ve grown accustomed to. So, naturally, I’ll push you away. Because you being present has made loving you so much easier- which means that you leaving will shred any ounce of hope I have left in me. I am hyper aware of the fact that I am sabotaging the good things that come my way- but it’s what I’m comfortable with. Maybe the peace of loneliness is worth it. Because I don’t know how to love you without fearing abandonment.

#depression #ex boyfriend #boyfriend #broken #recovery #breakup #love #book ill never write #bpd thoughts #mental illness #mental health #mental disorder #anxiety #fear of commitment #abandoned

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howifeltabouthim · 2 years

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She knew that Tom wished to have it both ways, to stand away and yet to be absolutely wanted.

Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil

#playing games #have your cake and eat it too #fear of commitment #unfair #have it both ways #commitment phobe #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #iris murdoch #the philosopher's pupil

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meanslackofart · 8 months

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