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girlonthefireescape · 3 months

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I finally got to see All of Us Strangers last night, and I went from HUH. OKAY?? to WT actual F over the course of a few hours and am now at a mixture of HUH. OKAY?? and WTF, I think.

I think what it comes down is: This wasn't the tragedy I expected and definitely not the one I wanted??

Like, I went into this knowing the few Harry/Adam scenes you get in gifs sets (I skipped the ones with Adam's parents because that seemed too spoilery! LOL) and the bits you get from official summaries -- like that the parents are dead/ghosts/what have you.

And then I got to the point in the movie at which I thought, well, is everyone a ghost/dead then? And then we got to the ending and that penultimate scene -- after we'd resolved the bit with the parents -- and it was like, surely not? They're surely not actually gonna go there? And then they did, and I didn't even know what to do with that, but it still wasn't unexpected -- not really? The unexpected bit was more the fact that it was actually the thing that happened. And then the gut punch I didn't even think about as an option was the reveal that not only had he been dead the whole time but no, the key moment and turning point was that first meeting, and I now have 6 pages of notes app notes that I wrote down on my journey home from the cinema, so I can discuss this with my friend once she's seen it and to make sense of my thoughts and feelings, and I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with this movie and this ending now! (Side note: Although writing this really helped?? lol)

Kudos to the entire cast, though! I love Andrew Scott's work, anyway, and I thought his performance felt beautifully stripped back and bare and honest. And I was really intrigued by Paul Mescal. I'd seen him (obv) in Normal People (which wasn't really my favourite show) and The Lost Daughter (I'd forgotten he was even in it until recently), but he didn't really stick with me in terms of his performance or the roles I'd seen him in. But this felt so different and like he threw himself so into that character that wasn't even in that many scenes, he really disappeared into the part for me. I also found that character so interesting, especially in retrospect, because while Harry represented a different generation (loved that bit, especially the discussion of queer vs. gay), his purpose in the narrative was also to be there for Adam. And then the bit at the end when we learn that Adam could've been there for him -- but also couldn't be. Or rather, Harry needed someone to be there for him, and he reached out (had the courage or maybe desperation to) and no one reached back.

That bit where Adam told him in the end that he hadn't been ready to or couldn't let him in like, obviously on the metaphorical level. But it also made me think about it at the level of well, this is a drunk stranger standing in front of your door saying weird things, and you're the only two people in the building. Like, is this a threat? Depends on which genre we're in. Which now reminds me of... Was it a tweet or a post on here or general writing advice? The bit where the characters don't know which genre they're in, so they're not necessarily acting in accordance with the genre guidelines. Like, is this a meetcute or is this person going to rob and/or murder you? Anyway...

I haven't really read any of the reviews yet or watched the actors talk about the movie, so I don't now how we all feel about the question of ghosts vs. hallucinations (vs. dreams vs. at some point I thought about whether this was all part the story/script Adam was writing). And I don't know if it actually matters what they were.

I knew there would be tragedy in this because of the few vague reactions I'd seen, but I expected it to be in the relationship with the parents and not the romance. That subversion! (Was it really one?) Although, the tragedy wasn't even necessarily in the romance but in the figure of Harry in the end? Or emotionally, that's where I was, anyway. The way Adam lost his parents but got to 'resolve' his conflict with them while Harry's parents were still alive but he might as well have been a ghost. Also, the bit where he was a ghost to his family but very visible and corporeal to Adam!

I just read a post that mentioned that different people would take different things from this movie, and that's always so interesting. It reminds me of how different people took different things from Poor Things, which I saw only a couple of weeks ago and ended up being really annoyed with.

I didn't cry at the ending. It happened so fast and was so expected but unexpected -- the ominous music in that scene and also in earlier scenes?? I didn't even have time to process this in order to have a reaction. I did tear up at the Christmas scene, though. The relationship between Adam and his parents, especially with his dad, felt really true and honest and recognisable, especially given the 80s context.

I even laughed a few times now that I think about it! And I think the entire theatre had a (maybe relieved) chuckle when Adam and his dad had muddled their way through the stereotype discussion and in the end agreed that no, Adam can indeed not throw for shit.

I think I'll probably need to see this again at some point. I read this article on how Disney (in line with the streamers in general) wants to stop selling physical media and how this might affect a DVD release, and oh, fuck that. Give us the DVD! I want to put this on my shelf!

#all of us strangers #like wtf was this movie??#I mean it was GOOD but also wtf #spoilers #and musings based on purely my reactions and thoughts since yesterday #the only review I've read was this morning and it wasn't really a review #paul mescal #andrew scott #random personal post #I have a lot of feelings about this and I'm still not entirely sure what they are

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stackslip · 8 months

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since there's a new audience i wanna make myself clear: i don't subscribe to fiction discourse terms like anti or proship, in large part bc they're kinda useless especially in terms of my politics and "affiliations" persay. with that said if you really want to classify me so bad then i guess some people would put me in the ~~proship~~ category (whether I like it or not). so to be clear:i believe that it's anyone's right to write, read, draw and even enjoy depictions of dark topics in fiction, whether it be to work through trauma or as a kink. i have my own boundaries on the subject but i fully object to any attempt to classify works depicting fictional characters as being responsible for incest, abuse or csa—these are systemic issues that would not disappear even if you managed to ban any depiction of them, and can only be resolved through systemic changes—such as youth liberation, and dismantling of structures that give individuals power over one another. i think calling incest and csa survivors (whether they're open about it or not) predators or evil/dangerous simply bc they have written a fic, or enjoy a ship, or even a book, is utterly callous and is at best people's attempt to make themselves feel more powerful by going after vulnerable people and claiming it's justice. i think random strangers attempting to police or discern how horny someone might have been writing/drawing that content is far more violating than whatever happens to the fictional characters they depict. as a matter of fact, i think one can depict these subject matters in a horny way and still have valuable things to say about it. i think that in a time where any sexual or queer content is being challenged as inherently damaging to youth, embracing the idea that writing or enjoying a fanfic or a book containing Bad Content makes you responsible for abuse and predation is insanely irresponsible. people are allowed their boundaries and comfort and to not engage with certain content, and even not want to engage with individuals into that content. however callouts or harassment is monstrous, particularly when aimed at people whose lives might depend on support from online friends or networks.

this isnt a lecture nor is it exhaustive, im just clarifying my position to the new twitter crowd. im also open to dms and discussion as long as its in good faith and youre not jumping in calling me a pedophile lol

#eli talks #csa mention /#rape mention /#i hate even making this post i feel silly. i just saw a new bunch of people following me with 'proship dni' in their bio lol #i am not proship but i imagine they'd classify me as one so id rather be clear now #but that doesn't mean you cant follow me still. i aim to be open and talk about that stuff openly #if youre ok discussing or even hearing me out thats fine #tldr: if your position would be equivalent to wanting the incest diary banned due to its content and depiction of csa and incest-#-then i implore you to revisit it and consider why such a book existing and being widely available is valuable to many people #even if it were only valuable to the author as a way to get her thoughts out then it would be valuable nontheless

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lori-hime · 8 months

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its hard to really emphasize just how much i do not care what you do with fanwork and headcanon btw... especially without sounding like im just saying it to prop up my other point

i really don't care if you want to portray them that way. im not a stranger to people trying to police what i can and can't portray because of arbitrary, often transient, unspoken rules. so i completely understand how obnoxious that is and im pretty constantly telling people not to be like that in the communities i frequent

but it becomes a whole 'nother issue when you are spreading the message that the type of relationship they have is what constitutes toxicity. that toxicity is being dependent on someone. or having debates with someone. or disagreeing from time to time. or just, being human in a world that hates you.

not only is it hella uncomfortable in the sense that there's always a double standard applied to queer relationships (as opposed to straight ones) it also sets this really fucking weird standard about what constitutes to a healthy or toxic relationship.

i have been in toxic relationships. this is not what that is. and it's frankly troubling that anyone would think so solely from their read of the canon material

#this is the hill i die on #fucks sake #loritalk

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shark-myths · 6 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag ((and drag)) @carbonbased000! this was very fun and thoughtful to do.

who is writing things right now? i never remember. i will tag a wide and perhaps not terribly relevant range of: @toorational @just-about-nothing @27-royal-teas @leyley09 @alienfuckeronmain @stereostatic @setting-in-a-honeymoon and anyone else so inclined!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

968,103, but as i’ve said before, i have orphaned a lotta fic as well

3. What fandoms do you write for?

pretty much just Fall Out Boy, but i will occasionally dabble in something random! this includes tony stark femslash (not sorry, will not apologize), cobra kai, and anything about girls or characters who could compellingly be made into girls.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love on TV

Stranger Danger

Boys Next Door / Assholes

From Russia With Love (this is one of those random sidesteps, a MCU femslash epistolary)

Jet Black Crow

(As an aside, it is so wild to me that older fics have so many more kudos than newer ones—you can really tell that fob went 5 years between albums! imo this is NOT a list of my best fic.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

for years, I responded to every single one! then at some point i fell behind because of my high standards for trying to put the same thought and effort into my responses as all you lovely people put into the comments, then i became overwhelmed, then i stopped. I AM SO SORRY IF I OWE YOU RETURN COMMENTS, i read them and i treasured them and you are a huge part of the reason i keep writing. love u all!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I only write happy endings, man! I stopped writing tragedies a long time ago. My angstiest fics are red and unafraid of living and In Every Universe. the end of Made One Way (Cobra Kai) is ambiguous and potentially brutal, depending on how you take it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

um, every single other one! I’m a big fan of the gory fairy tale ending of The Boys Time Can’t Capture, and transmuting the hiatus into an act of mutual care and love in Sell Out Girl meant so much to me.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not since my first fandom and god, don’t

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, a bit, could probably write a little less about feelings and a little more about feelings if u know what i mean. I’m super into sex as a person so i almost never write about intense romantic connections without bringing smut into it somehow; they feel really tightly linked for me, and i think i also crave media with HOT and INTIMATE connections between queer people. In terms of kind, i guess i’d have to say it’s largely rushed vanilla emotion-and-orgasm driven scenes. not a very flattering oeuvre i've created here.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

mash-ups are my favorite thing to do! I especially like ripping off movie and fairy tale plots and making them stranger, or else taking a really specific constrained timeline from someone’s life or a piece of media and transforming it somehow. best sandbox ever. my craziest one is probably the coyote ugly / beauty in the beast peterick fic, Wolves Dressed As Wolves. and i love this type of transformation in everything, whether it's the weirdo gender shit i just learned duchamp was doing or katherine addison's destructively beautiful 'sherlock holmes except there're ANGELS' novel or the buenos aires re-imagining version of vivaldi's four seasons by piazzolla, my life and taste keeps taking me into the various ways we fold and refract and remake the same experiences over and over again through different lenses or angles or selves. to quote some author whose identity i forgot years ago, though the quote remains: "there are no new stories." all art is iterative, and the most interesting thing we can do as creators is deviate in new, unexpected ways.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah, a million years ago on deviantart

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! I have had a few translations and a podfic. I love it when people want to interact with my stories in their own way, all interpretations are welcome.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

one day i hope to be domesticated enough that @carbonbased000 can write with me. I used to co-write by passing the laptop back and forth with my bestie in high school; we wrote self-insert x-men fanfiction based on the comic books in like 2004 and it was an absolute blast; but generally i am considered impossible to work with, by both myself and others.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

i feel completely unqualified to answer this question. i have been driven insane by any number of pairings in my life. when i was younger, i was more interested in internalized homophobia themes in ships, because that's where WE were culturally in the early 2000s and where i was in relationship to myself, and i think each change and growth and greater empowerment and self-possession in my own life is mirrored in what i am interested in. i feel the most drawn in by dynamics between people that are creative and give me a new way to access and explore interesting ideas and themes; i’m a real sucker for shared art products and touring bands as unique and agonizing ways to connect people. there are so many different ways to express that someone is your soulmate and you'll never convince me throwing away all trappings of a traditional life in order to rove the earth and make art with your friends isn't one of them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

do you not just block out your WIPs from your mind so that you can live in moment-to-moment freedom?? I am a finisher in general, i have a few peterick drafts lurking around in my gdocs but if they remain untouched, it’s generally because there are only a couple thousand words to them and i’m not very excited about the possibilities of the fic. there is a sequel to a meticulously historically accurate pirate fic i wrote long ago called Providence, i got to about 30k and then lost all of my extremely painstaking notes and research in a software update. I’m still very interested in and excited by the idea, but i lost the notes and felt too traumatized to continue with the project genuinely a decade ago, so the idea that i will return and finish the fic seems fairly unlikely. Providence is one of my greatest pieces of writing ever, though, so hope springs eternal, i guess!

16. What are your writing strengths?

lyrical prose and conveying humor via unusual sentence construction. i was recently told i write arguments well and feel tough as a result, like, watch out! you don’t want to fight me!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i am lazy and easily distractible, i don’t plot in advance, i barely edit because i get really rigid and have trouble seeing any other way to say something than how i’ve already said it, i have an unwillingness to delete and rewrite even when that’s the only way forward (see: my eternally 90% finished age swap peterick au), i use up all my emotional energy elsewhere and then neglect my craft for weeks at a time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

sometimes i’ll use pet names in another language if it makes sense for the character, but i avoid this in general as i’m not fluent in anything other than english. I would, have, and do sound like a duolingo lesson.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

afi bandom, when we used to call it slash, when i thought i had invented it with my friend at summer camp, when i was 13 and sent her kidfic stories i wrote out by hand in pink envelopes.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

genuinely i almost always write things i personally want to read, so i love them all! except the fucking fixed stars of heaven, everyone knows that fic tortured me to within an inch of my sanity. My most personal and personally meaningful fic is Girl Out Boy. i have a tattoo of it on my arm.

#writing #fic #tags #about me #a humble shark #thank you so much love #this was so fun

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trashlie · 2 years

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Thank you for answering my asks! I agree, Alyssa wanting to belong to something bigger to fill in a void of loneliness sounds like a better fit than simply being an attention seeker solely for the sake of validity.

I've been thinking of what will happen after Alyssa's bullying scandal is exposed and I'm starting to wonder if Shinae's bullying accusations will be brought up in tandem. Both girls covered in similar rumors and confronting a shared past, highlighting a key difference between them: true friendship. Which I hope is one of the possible or many catalysts for Alyssa.

No matter what reputation she gains in public, Shinae will be surrounded by her friends who genuinely know and support her. A full on Shinae Defense Squad! Meanwhile, Alyssa will have a fan base turning against her, except for the stans who have a parasocial relationship towards her.

So, what will Alyssa do when she's cornered again? Will she dig her heel in, clinging to all these strangers who only see her as an image, in a desperate attempt to not lose all she has left? Or will she realize all of her former friends are standing together while she has no one and have a wake up call? 1/2

You're totally welcome! I say it all the time but it's true: I get so excited that anyone wants to talk to me about this series and reads my really long, rambling thoughts lol. I'm always happy to answer asks and share my thoughts and ideas!

I'm putting the second half of your ask under the cut. While it's not totally spoilery, it still mentions FP content so we'll be safe and throw it all under the cut!

(This is a bit fast pass spoilery). Then what if the rumors of her sexuality come to light and they step in to protect her. Will she realize it then? What she truly lost was not fame? 2/2

So I, and many others, probably including you, have figured that if Alyssa has a big career-changing scandal, it will likely be about bullying allegations, because that's a big deal in Korea and it can really make or break someone's career, especially if it's true. But I won't lie - ep 196 made pause and wonder if it could be worse. Now, I'm going to straight up say, I really, really, really hope if it turns out Alyssa is, in fact, queer, I really hope she is not outed via a scandal, but also.... it would be one way to ruin her career, wouldn't it? It just doesn't sit well with me - I'd rather she get to embrace that herself one day than have it outed against her will. For that reason, I like to hope that it will be just bullying rumors.

Once upon a time, I had written about how I thought there was a possibility that if Alyssa's past came to light, Nol might see himself in her, but that was long before he finally talked to Shinae, so, lol I think that's all out the window! He's really been giving me whiplash this last year lol. That said, I've never considered if it would wind up involving Shinae. Part of me is inclined to think no, it wouldn't, because she's not the one who is in the limelight, but the more I think about it, the more I think it would at least involve her at the "local" level - whether it's just that someone slips up and says something, that the news reveals enough details to connect to Shinae, whether Alyssa herself actually names her. It certainly wouldn't be Alyssa's finest hour, that's for sure.

As always, I think these scenarios always depend on variable factors - like would Nol still be "dating" Alyssa at the time of the scandal, for instance. I still think there's an opportunity for Nol to see himself in Alyssa, especially because we still don't know what his altercation with Kousuke was like (was he provoked, was he cornered, was he acting out of malice or was it an accident?). I don't think it has to be either or, though, right? He can both see himself in Alyssa and what sympathize with what it's like to be painted as something you aren't, cornered into something you never meant to, while also acknowledging he is trying to be above all that - you know, supposing that's his choice. I still don't know if we are getting the antihero arc that everyone has anticipated for Nol, since I feel like the big emphasis on Shinae revealing to Nol how she mirrors him is meant to imply that he may try to find a way to leave all of that behind, and to be a version of himself that he chooses to be, as opposed to the one he's been painted as. But what I'm getting at is, I think there's yes the potential that while he could sympathize with Alyssa, he could also be part of a support system to Shinae, because humans are complex. But I think that could flip a switch for Alyssa.

Again, there's a lot of factors here, like... she and Nol have discussed the nature of their relationship, so there's no real expectation that he would take her side just because she's his girlfriend or anything, and they already have a lot of contention between them, but I think there's still room for to feel... I don't think betrayed is the right word because that's a little dramatic, but I think there's a lot of complicated emotions that could arise from that, right? Picture it from Alyssa's angle: she wound up wrapped up in something she never intended and was desperate trying to save face even though her choices were not the kindest, they were what she thought was right in the moment, and in the end she wound up hurting someone she (presumably) never intended to hurt, did something she never meant to do. And though she's not in love with Nol, and maybe they aren't even truly friends, wouldn't you feel some kind of complex feelings akin to betrayal for him to support the person directly involved with this? It's an interesting scenario and I DO like to hope it would make her think about true friendship. I can't say I'm confident it could make her reassess her approaches, but that's more because I cannot say I'm confident about anything Alyssa might do lol. In such a scenario, I'd hope she'd finally understand what it means to have a handful of people in your corner, rather than a lot of people who only care about one facet of you, a persona that may not even be real. In fact, I think this would be SUCH an interesting thing to explore, but I don't think we'll really get a chance to without adding 3 more years to the story lol, but isn't there something compelling in that kind of lonely story? Once again, this is a reason I've really come to love Alyssa as a character - there is SO MUCH that can be done with her!

I do think, though, you are right in that it needs to be more than just that fall from grace and finding herself alone - being juxtaposed against someone like Shinae who would have people supporting her, reassuring her. It's one of the best ways for her to really face that void she's trying to fill and finally understand what she really seeks.

Now, trying to tie this back into the sexuality, god, if done right, it could be so tender, couldn't it? I know I said I'm opposed to Alyssa being outed by someone else, because it doesn't sit right with me, and that's such a dangerous thing for someone if they are surrounded by people who don't support her, but also a story is not about the "right" choices because as we've learned lol in general, people do NOT make the right choices. So the idea of Alyssa being outed but defended by people who she doesn't have a good track record with, because they are, at heart, good people who think it's unfair to do that to someone, to reveal something so private before they are ready, makes me want to cry, frankly lol. For Alyssa, she'd be getting another taste of what she lost, of what she has willingly thrown away, and yes, I think that could actually do a good job of making her see that.

Ultimately a thought I have about most characters (and, frankly, people in general) is that often we have to go through something to change, or to finally see and face the ugly in ourselves, to address something we've been avoiding, to take on something we are running from. It is human nature to be so wrapped up in our own experiences that we forget others have experiences and biases of their own. For Nol to change, to be more honest with himself, he essentially had to "lose it all". To be fair, he sort of threw in the towel himself, decided to be exactly what he's been painted as and give up his efforts to try to have a better life - but that's still prompted by two points of "failure". He was a good person at the formal, tried to save a friend, and in the end he couldn't do it and she got hurt, plus the drug and assault charges. He was pushed to the brink and even when being a person who cars, even when being a good friend, it backfired. Likewise, it blew up his option to go away and escape, to attend his father's alma matter and not only prove to everyone he was more than they believed he was, but to find peace for a while. For him, he lost things because he dared to defy this life so he decided to concede, and in conceding he loses his escape, his chance to maybe make his father proud, and he lost his friends, because in his eyes he was not worthy of them and would only endanger them. Only then, after listening to Shinae's desperate attempts to lure him out, when lmao attacked by her cat, the final straw!!! Did he come out - and he had no intention of coming clean to Shinae, she just happened to overhear him!

I think it will be the same for Alyssa and Kousuke - that they cannot simply wake up and decide to change, or see themselves for what they are. They have to reach a point that forces them to contend with that. It's so easy to say "Why can't Alyssa just realize that fame is not the same as friendship", but someone who has conflated friendship with idolization isn't going to see it the same. Someone who has believed that popularity feels more secure cannot see that for themselves. Logically, she knows the love her fans have towards her is conditional. That's the whole point of that incident with the fans that spotted her out with Nol - even though Nol is right to tell them off for bothering her after she politely told them she can't take a picture, she also knows that fans will only give you their support as long as they like you. Refuse their whims and they'll take to the internet to trash you to anyone who will listen. She knows that's not real love, but it's all she has so she's clinging to it. What will prompt her to change, otherwise?

The more I ramble about this lol the more I think you are right: she has to see that hollow popularity foiled against true friendship, and maybe even be reminded of what it feels like, what it's like to be supported unconditionally. Even though I've repeated that I don't want her outed against her will, I cannot deny how much I would love to see at least Nol and Shinae try to protect her. I love the complexity of it - that they are both people she has hurt in some way, that she has used in some way, but could still be allies to her. Shinae has made it clear that her feelings about Alyssa are complex - that though she doesn't seem to hold a grudge, the weight of what transpired between them still weighs heavy on her and what she really wants is clarity, to clear the air and understand. There's something painful and messy about being defended by people you feel guilt and regret towards, especially as people who probably offered some of the truest friendship she's know. (I mean, I say this loosely because, again, Nol lol likely befriended Alyssa for his quest for absolution and while he didn't intend to truly be their friend, he still was a good friend to them?) I guess what I'm getting at is: I love those complex, nuanced kinds of events, where maybe they will never become friends again, but maybe the genuine act of defending her could be the thing that makes her want to be a better person, to form real friendships and be her honest self. I hope Alyssa sometimes thinks about the first friend she made in middle school, who thought everything about her that other kids might find weird was cool, and feels some kind of regret.

lol as always this has gone on a whole tangent that was not intended but also, as always, these kinds of asks get me thinking about a lot of things! Frankly, I do not know what to expect of the second half of ILY. I don't know where we will leave the story in the present, or what we'll be set up for then, but I hope that when we see the characters as adults, we may get to see more of that complexity, of exploring and overcoming the things that have been holding you back. Alyssa is an extremely unlikeable character for good reason, but I just can't help but want to continue to see her involved in a big way, you know? There's just something so COMPELLING about her relationships with everyone!

Now lol with all that said, I will fully acknowledge that I think there IS a good chance that Alyssa could dig her heels in, because as I've said before, it is very likely that not all characters will overcome their pasts. Again, we see it with grown adults every day of life - that we are shaped by experiences and by our willingness to learn and unlearn. Is Alyssa willing to let something go or would she decide to push back and fight it, to find a way to shift blame, which would only get netizens more fired up. I WANT Alyssa to make some non-shitty choices for once, but that doesn't mean that's the arc she's on lol. I would not be surprised in the least if she found a way to try to deflect lol. Just, yknow. A resigned sigh like yup that's her lol. Flawed people can die flawed without making attempts to change, and I don't want that for her but look, sometimes that's life.

Man, this took me so long to answer and I apologize! My brain has been running away all week ;_____; some days I can sit down and bang out a response, other days the words are all jumbled in my head and it feels like I have to make a game of stringing them together since I can't telepathically write my responses. But as always, thank you for this ask and indulging in my love of Not Great Women characters lmao

#I Love Yoo #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #ILY Brainrot #Alyssa Cho #Shinae Yoo #this is really only semi related but i gotta say: every time i answer asks like this it makes me wish i was capable of writing fic lol #there's so many things i think would be fun to explore in characters in universe but i just don't have the brains to think about where i #think this story is going and where i could set them TO explore that #i would LOVE to explore Alyssa facing the loneliness of a life she doesn't love yknow?#i'm still convinced she's an idol only for some other reasons - that maybe she thought being a trainee would boost her popularity and she #never intended to actually debut but yui came along and pulled some strings and now she's stuck doing something she doesn't love and never #wanted? GOD. that there are kids who would KILL to be in her role and she feels like she was pushed into it when she didn't truly want it?#that she's been performing so long she doesn't know how to be herself or if her true self even exists anymore - if she ever did?#or that maybe writing and composing is the only time she feels truly in touch with what she wants #idk maybe she HAS come to love performing! she was so excited to perform their new song and so mad Nol ruined the night but also #that could just be because it was a song SHE wrote something that's close to her something more in tune with her and she was upset he #ruined the night because it was supposed to be her big moment and now it's forever tainted #(plus yknow despite the fake dating i think she liked that he attended the party because it made her feel like maybe they were friends #again. so finding out he didn't even want to be there that there was somewhere else he wanted to be MORE hurt because it meant she was not #his first choice. it meant her friendship didn't mean anything or matter you know?)#GOOOOOOOOD i miss being confident in my writing because it would be SO satisfying to explore I JUST. LOVE TO EXPLORE EMOTIONS esp for #things that may never come to be stories that may not be what is really being told you know?#anyway as always thanks for enjoying my extreme rambling lmao

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beepboop358 · 3 years

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A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

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geekynichelle · 3 years

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So, I saw this tweet, and it started a conversation about the appeal of Harley Quinn, and I wrote this because I was possessed. It’s long so I put it below the cut. All opinions are my own.

Is Harleen Quinzel overrated? Honestly, I don’t know. Nor do I really care. Plenty of people love characters that others find overdone, and that shouldn’t have any bearing on whether or not they are liked on a personal level. You could equally say that Loki or Deadpool are overrated, and while I do believe race plays a role in why all three of these chaos agents are popular, gender is obviously why more people are vocal about finding Harley played out.

Getting that out of the way, let’s dive into the nitty gritty. What the hell is appealing about this clown to a Black, queer and neurodivergent woman? To start I want to bring into play the idea that what Black women do and don’t enjoy is often put in a narrow box. Growing up I knew my mother liked action movies (even more so than my step-dad- huzzah for breaking gender stereotypes), and in her own words the reason for that is that she likes to see “people who deserve it get their ass kicked”. In our real life, society rarely dishes out justice for Black people the way we deserve, and while the action genre is made up of mostly white dudes, who is good and who is bad are clear cut, and we can always root for someone who punches out racists and misogynists. As a result I should have been less surprised that my mother would like Deadpool, but it still amuses me to this day.

Deadpool, in his sequel film, has a moment when he with no hesitation shoots a man who he knows to be a child abuser, because unlike a traditional heroic figure there’s no question in his mind that that was the right thing to do. Whether this would be good in the real world or not is irrelevant because the catharsis comes from the fact that to Deadpool the child harmed mattered way more than anything other factors in that scenario.

This is the appeal of those types of characters in general. Translating this to Harley Quinn in that way is easy. Evil deeds aside, her initial/general backstory is that she was a doctor (of psychology) that fresh out of grad school was sent to talk to the Joker, who in turn manipulated her compassion and convinced her to free him/join him. In the 90s animated series, which is where she first appears, the episode Mad Love shows us that not only was Harley taken advantage of, but also that she is extremely capable on her own. Batman point blank tells the Joker (after he’s hit her/tossed her out a window) that Harley is the only person that’s come that close to killing him. The Joker (who was initially going to leave her for good) realizes that he’s unleashed someone arguably better than him into the world, and like any abuser decides to get back on her good side to maintain control over her chaos rather than let her realize her worth.

The new animated series dedicated just to Quinn, explores that notion further, and at some point during the second season sees Harley realize that she isn’t a hero or a villain, but rather a reactionary. She seems to have a soft spot for other abuse victims and in the series draws the line at over excessive killing, especially of innocent people. Ivy even states that while Harley is a criminal she is (at least in Ivy’s eyes) a good person. She has after all genuinely helped Ivy, and on occasion has helped save the day of her own free will.

Obviously, like with any comic book character, how she is characterized depends on the writer, but it’s fair to say based on the media I’ve personally consumed putting Harley in a morality box is a wasted effort. What makes her special is that she resides in those grey areas. As I mentioned earlier her ability to reside there and remain popular of course relates to her whiteness, however I do think it’s important to remember that Harley Quinn is also Jewish and is therefore not a complete stranger to concepts of oppression. She is also in recent years officially considered Bisexual, and while all Batman villains are vaguely mental ill, she does fill up that category as well.

I came across a tweet earlier today that suggested her whiteness is why many of her fans have turned her into a girlboss and downplayed her violence. I can certainly see where that person was coming from, but on a personal note, based on the above information that is certainly not the case for me. I know that I would enjoy Harley just as much (if not more) if she was a non-white woman, and that her violence and moral ambiguity are apart of what makes her a fun character. I’d never downplay her evil deeds. Granted, what I consider canon has a lot to do with the stories I’ve consumed (i.e I’ve never read anything about her involvement in the Jason Todd storyline therefore to me it doesn’t really exist), but ultimately Harley is no girlboss. She is a mess, and to quote Marie Kondo, “I love mess.”

To put this further in perspective, when I was a kid I didn’t even know Bisexuality was a thing, but I did know that I liked when Harley and Ivy were together, and now as an adult who is out, seeing them officially canon affected me a bit more than I thought it would. They might not be good people, but I don’t think representation needs to always be about being squeaky clean. And ultimately that’s the rub isn’t it? Harley isn’t exactly like me and I’m not exactly like her, but she represents a level of chaos that yeah, as a marginalized person I’m not allowed to express. She can be a good person, but she can also be extremely outrageous. She shows that being the victim of abuse isn’t about how smart you are and that it can happen to anyone. She also shows that you can leave that behind and get stronger mentally and physically. In the case of the new animated series she does this without motherhood/babies thrust upon her, but through good friends who love her.

Why Harley Quinn? Well, for me my current answer is because she’s complex. If you asked me as a child though, I’d probably say it’s because she was goofy and fun, and I wanted better for her than the Joker. Either way she’s currently being written by a Black, Disabled, Queer writer and as a long time fan, I absolutely look forward to the nuisances that’ll be added to the character as a result.

#Harley Quinn #Harleen Quinzel #character analysis #kinda #at least analysis of the characters appeal to me #long post #I only looked over this twice and I've got ADHD so hopefully it's readable

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commajade · 3 years

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god i fucking hate the unenlightened east attitude people have when talking about being a queer person in an eastern country. like people in my country know what a gay person is we are not dumb. especially in kpop fandoms some people act like they know e v e r y t h i n g about being a queer person living in korea and their idol can't come out because how homophobic the country is and how koreans probably don't know much about being gay and write essays like ????? you only have some general knowledge about korea thanks to kpop why are you acting like you are the queer spokesperson of korea,,,

unenlightened east attitude is a hell of a word combo to open tumblr to when i'm p faded so i thought u were yelling at me at first i was like whoaaa there lol but nah ur completely right i feel the same literally all the time. i call it brain worms but the kind of stuff i read every day is literal colonial erasure it's rly fascinating that violence comes in such small pieces.

white people should just not speak it's no surprise but lol when i went abroad to korea i realized just how little i knew at all about the gay people there. i assumed they were there because i existed but before just like 5 years ago there was literally no easily accessible info about it on the internet in english. there were a few studies on jstor that didn't say much a few youtube interview clips. so it's so easy to just believe the dominant narrative (always the colonial one) esp when an entire hivemind of kpop stans r parroting it at you vehemently like ur bias' life depends on it. pinkwashing of their colonial tendencies and possessiveness over these korean artists and simple white saviorism makes them feel like rings true.

it wasn't until i was an adult in korea that had learned some korean and was seeking out queer things that i realized it's actually everywhere. there are gay people everywhere. i didn't know that was true when a mentor figure told that to me but now i know it is true. there are gay people everywhere, and in korea in the last few years it's very very visible to anyone who's looking. especially because the feminist movement has been so huge for the last 5ish years and women are en masse protesting the patriarchy by dressing the way they want to more and more and various subcultures are developing like music scenes and art scenes and online spaces. these movements have made it a lot easier for lgbt ppl to find each other and koreans r used to living with their parents until marriage and having their personal lives completely separate and outside of the home which is more conducive to gay stuff. the lgbt scene in south korea is a thriving several subcultures and has been growing in its current "post" Korean War form since the 60s and i literally saw more butch femme couples walking around hongdae at 3am than i have in LA total. tho tbf i haven't been to a lesbian bar/club in the US. it's literally so easy even in english to find gay events just on facebook i went to a halloween drag show at a small dive bar in hongdae it was a GREAT TIME. also 90% of korean tattoo artists are in or adjacent to the queer subculture it's just a thing cuz being gay and being a tattoo artist r both technically illegal but not enforced. there's a ton of lgbt youtubers now they have their own hashtags and are active in fandoms it's rly amazing to see. but i wouldn't have known if i didn't study korean and go looking for it.

the other thing is that fans with a western mindset can't fathom the idea of being happy and gay and professionally closeted. there are definitely idols who are living full happy dramatic fun gay love lives and are out to everyone but their parents maybe and their employers. fans but esp intl fans r STRANGERS who r not entitled to knowing about kpop idols' personal business so have they considered that just because someone didn't tell YOU they're gay doesn't mean they haven't told anybody. i call idols gay when i see that they are, as a korean lesbian who has been learning to recognize my people. racial capitalism comes with the need for u to detail every part of urself legibly and labeled in order to be seen as legitimate and existent so the south korean queer presence is illegible.

i'm trying not to get angry at it anymore because i'm not surprised i can't help that millions of people are saying the same wrong thing about my people sucks for them if they think we don't exist.

#asks #kpop #personal #yaejin

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aliatori · 3 years

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Hey! I'm going to ask for L, O, T, S (and let you pick which one(s) you want to answer :B)

Oh hey lio, thanks for the asks. <3 Lucky for you, you get the answers to all 4, since L and T are here and I’ll answer the other two in this post.

O: What motivates you to write?

My half-serious and off the top of the head answers: deadlines where I risk disappointing someone if I miss it… and spite. So much spite.

Joking aside, the answer to this varies on several fronts. For original fiction, a lot of my writing motivation stems from wanting to follow a passing idea down the rabbit hole, wherever that might lead. A few recent stories started with questions/concepts like ‘What would an isolated village where residents are cursed to never look in a mirror look like, and why are they cursed?’ or ‘Orpheus/Eurydice, except Orpheus is toxically obsessed and gets as many chances as he wants to ‘rescue’ her, and Eurydice is a genderfluid demigod who gets more powerful every time she’s sent—or sends herself, bloodily and messily—back to hell’.

When I’m in a period writing for fandom, I mostly want to see my faves in whatever tropey situations I like, subverted or not. Since I tend to pick… uh, Canon’s Least Loved ™ characters as my faves (insert me looking longingly at a certain Prince’s Shield or a white-haired Empress to be who dresses all in red), it’s often a ‘If you want something done, do it yourself’ that motivates me to write whatever I have in mind. I’m also a flagrant multishipper, but usually in the sense where I ship my fave(s) with almost everyone and want to explore those dynamics.

There’s also some truth to the opening jokes. When I’m in a slump OR when I want to keep writing motivation going, I’ll often seek out an exchange that sounds interesting so I’m ‘forced’ to write. This is incidentally how The Forsaken and the Forsworn became a thing, so success levels vary from ‘fun exchange’ to ‘holy shit I’m on month three and counting of constant obsession’. And I’m not exactly proud of the whole spite/contrarianism motivation, but hey, sometimes you see a bad take in passing and channel it into creativity.

In general, giving myself permission not to feel obligated to share things and have fun with it has been helpful in motivating me to sit down and put words to documents. (We won’t talk about how I’ve needed find other motivation for when I do need to eventually share said words, hahaha.) Thinking of the dopamine hit of putting the finishing line down on a one shot or shorter piece is often enough to get me in the chair, and for longer projects, thinking of getting to The Next Big, Exciting Scene is my carrot to chase.

And this is perhaps the most bitter pill to swallow but… sometimes waiting for motivation is like waiting for rain in the desert. It’s a regular occurrence where I sit down, set a timer, and agree with myself to work on my current project for X amount of time. I like it when I feel motivated, but it can be a luxury feeling, especially when life or mental health isn’t cooperating but I still want to get stuff done.

S: Would you let a stranger off the streets read your first drafts?

If this requires a yes or no answer alone, abso-fucking-lutely not.

If I can add some addendums, I’d say it depends. It would be far more likely for my original work, especially if I got to elevator pitch the stranger first and let them decide if they’re interested. I like my writing a lot, but I also realize M-E rated speculative queer work isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea.

For fanfiction, I would sooner eat a kilo of black licorice in one sitting than show them to a stranger on the streets, though I’ve thrown rough stuff up on Tumblr and such. My poetry and essay first drafts are between me, my hard drive, and the gods alone; nothing horrifies my private Scorpio nature than letting my messy, raw, emotional work be seen before thorough editing for craft purposes.

#ali answers #long post for ts #writing

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rotationalsymmetry · 3 years

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Reading through a argument around “is queer a self defined thing or is it something where you have to check off at least one specific named identity and tell people what that is thing?” And there’s a 17 year old who expressed concerns about the idea of queer being a self identifier thing getting his ass handed to him. Which, I have to say, my initial reaction (safely saved to drafts) also involved a lot of swear words, and not colorful background swearwords either.

Fuck off. My initial reaction was to tell him to fuck off. And that, never mind about hypothetical straight fakers, I didn’t want him at my queer events.

But...I can understand, being young, probably being new to the community, possibly not having any offline community at all, how someone might find themselves arguing that position.

I mean, we got a lot of gatekeeping of various types on this site and in online queer spaces in general. It’s a thing someone could pick up without really questioning it, just because other queer people are saying it. And, you’re new, you’re unsure of yourself, you want to fit in. I can see it.

So, the kind gentle explanation, for anyone who needs less fuck off and more patiently explaining. (If I get replies/asks about this I’ll attempt to continue with the patient version.)

The acronym isn’t fixed. It’s fluid, and the categories within it are fluid.

For example: Marsha P Johnson in her life didn’t call herself a transgender woman. She called herself a transvestite and a gay man, even though she used she/her pronouns. Now, we look back on that and think “well, the language changed over time, someone who lived the way she did would almost certainly call herself a trans woman now, and the modern queers who identify with her most tend to be trans women.” Categories are fluid, in that now we’re inclined to see “trans woman, cross dresser, gay man” as entirely separate categories that aren’t especially related to each other (and het crossdressers might not be seen as queer at all) but they used to have much more overlap.

As another example, “non-binary” wasn’t really a thing when I hit adulthood. There were people who would now call themselves nonbinary, but they used different terms, like genderqueer. Stone Butch Blues talks about “he-she’s”, a term that straddled “butch lesbian” and the modern “transmasculine”, and which definitely isn’t in common use any more.

And that’s just in recent American history! If you look at how queerness is conceptualized across time and across cultures, it varies so much. Some cultures have more than two genders that are universally recognized within that culture. Some times/cultures see homosexuality as being dependent on whether you’re topping or bottoming or about gender roles: a guy who bottoms or takes on feminine gender roles is gay, while one who tops is just a normal straight guy. Sometimes a culture has fairly set gender roles, but people who are biologically male or female taking on the opposite role and having a same-sex partner is completely normal and unremarkable.

The alternative to “a queer person is someone who says they are queer” is to have a fixed definition. You are queer if you check at least one: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, (asexual, intersex, two spirit, whatever else we want to explicitly include on the list.) But that would require “queer” to have a fixed definition and for all the sub-types of queer to be fixed.

What about when people don’t know for sure: a woman who knows she’s lesbian or bisexual but not which, a person who might be trans but isn’t quite sure, someone who might be asexual but again isn’t quite sure, but perhaps is quite sure they don’t feel comfortable when straight people talk about sex and romance. (And then there’s what happens when you’ve always thought of yourself as gay, but your partner is transitioning so what does that make you?) Hanging out in queer spaces with people who are queer makes sense for all of those people, even ones who might eventually decide they’re not actually queer after all.

And I’ve been writing paragraphs and paragraphs, but I think I missed the main point, which is: the alternative to “queer is self-defined” is “someone else gets to tell you whether you’re queer or not.” Which gives strangers permission to ask all sorts of invasive questions. (Especially if the given reason for defining queer is to keep people who aren’t queer out of queer spaces! That can only happen if you actually ask people coming into a space what they are!) There’s no way to define queer other than “someone who says they’re queer” or “someone who thinks they fit in with other queer people” that doesn’t open the door to those sorts of challenges.

And, in turn, to gatekeeping out people who might not be “queer enough” (ie, close enough to exclusively gay or lesbian) — in practice, trying to define queer leads to defining queer in a way that excludes aces or some trans people or all trans people or bi/pan people with opposite sex partners, or all of the above.

(Not entirely happy with how I’m using the term “sex” here, because I get “biological sex” can be a complex and very loaded concept for many trans people. If someone sees something they’re uncomfortable with and can suggest a better alt phrasing let me know.)

So, people tend to react to “queer shouldn’t be self-defined” in exactly the same way they’d respond to ace exclusionism or terf talk. Because...in practice, insisting queer has to have a fixed definition (or telling people to not use the word) tends to be round one of a game that ends with exactly those things. Even if you personally didn’t mean it that way, the rest of us don’t know that. We react to it like anti-racist activists respond to “All Lives Matter” — maybe it could be innocuous confusion, but it comes from a place of malice often enough that people do tend to assume malice.

Because the idea of fakers who are really straight infiltrating the community...that’s a terf idea and an exclusionist idea, and it doesn’t really fit with any robust and self-consistent understanding of queerness other than those ideologies.

#commenting on without reblogging #lgbtq+#queer #queer gatekeeping #long post #you’re not really queer you’re actually just a straight person pretending to be queer #gets weaponized against actual queer people so often #it’s a bit like how if someone’s sitting in the disabled seating area on the bus #or using an accessible bathroom stall #you should just assume they have an invisible disability #becuade an abled person ‘getting away’ with that #is much less of a big deal than an invisibly disabled person #getting harassed yet again becuade they don’t look disabled #discourse

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stuck-in-hawkins · 4 years

Text

When He Left: Fall Semester 1989

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Will Byers

Rating: Teen

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656785/chapters/62398351

August 18th 1989

Mike’s eyes stung as he made his way back from the airport. He turned down familiar roads. He thought he was driving back to his house but then, he ended up on Mirkwood. He pulled over and rested his head on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to go back home. He didn’t want to sit in that house with his parents, who wouldn’t understand why he was crying so much. He couldn’t explain it to them. He didn’t want to face it. But he so desperately wanted to talk about it.

Lucas, Max, and Dustin were still getting settled in their dorms. He would talk about it with them, but there was no way to reach them now. The dorms’ only lines were shared pay phones, meaning they had to call him. He felt like he was unraveling. He just wanted to go someplace he could talk about it… or else he risked slipping into old habits.

A thought dawned on him and he turned the ignition, waking the engine again. He drove towards Indianapolis.

_____________________

Mike stood at the front door, he remembered how nervous Will had been the first time. Coming to group had been such a good thing for Will. He opened up and could talk about things he had bottled up, questions, thoughts, and topics that had been forbidden in most every other place. The Indiana Youth Group had provided a safe space for Will and other queer teens to come together to talk and hang out. Mike had driven Will countless times: sometimes for meetings, sometimes for events the group had arranged. Mike didn’t always stay for them, though. He knew that group was one of the few places Will could talk about their relationship. Mostly, he would just drop Will off, especially towards the end.

Mike couldn’t seem to move. Doubt froze him to the stoop. His fingers hovered over the doorbell.. He wondered if he had any right to be there. He was straight… just also in love with his best friend. He was confused. What right did he have to be there? But then, the door swung in and Chris Gonzalez stood in the frame; the man who ran the group, organized the meetings, opened up his home to lost teens. His face was nearly always accompanied by a kind smile, like the one he was giving Mike.

“It’s good to see you again, Mike. Come on in.”

Mike nodded, “Nice to see you, too.” He followed behind him, still feeling awkward but thankful for the invite, it made him feel a little less like an outsider.

Everybody was putting food on their plates and sitting down. Mike knew he should probably eat, but his stomach was so tight and gnawing on itself. He just grabbed a roll and picked at it. What was he even going to say?

“Mike!”

He turned to see Aubrey. She didn’t give him a moment and wrapped him up in a hug.

“Aubrey! How have you been?”

She had changed her hair to be in box braids with beads of every color, paired with bright neon shirt that read: “We are Everywhere.”

She let go, her smile shining. “Really good! I haven’t seen you since the picnic! How have you been?”

“Good. You did an incredible job organizing it. I can’t believe how many people were there!”

She beamed, “I only organized the student chapter.”

“Well, it was a lot of fun.”

“Thank you. Do you want to get a seat together?”

“Sure.” He felt such a wave of relief at not having to sit alone.

As everybody sat down, Chris and his partner, Jeff, started out the meeting the way they always did, emphasizing the importance of confidentiality and sensitivity with the information, experiences, and stories shared in the space. Mike listened as people began to share. The knot in his stomach tightened and he felt like an invader. Like a whiny child, craving attention, taking it away from people who had experienced far worse. Someone who had been kicked out of their house and were living with a friend. Another who couldn’t seem to break the cycle of abuse in their relationships.

What right did he have to be there?

“Mike, do you want to share?”

Mike nodded, “Umm… I… some of you probably don’t know me, but I’m Will’s friend. I just dropped him off at the airport. He’s going to college in San Francisco.” He looked around the room and suddenly felt his courage flee. “I just wanted you guys to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for Will. He’s been my friend for most of my life and he’s always been pretty shy around other people so I was nervous about him being out in California but he really opened up with you guys and it… it’s just a huge relief. So, thank you.”

“It was wonderful having him here, and it’s good to see you here, too. But you know you’re welcome here just as much, don't you?” Chris smiled.

Mike shook his head, “I…” His thoughts accused and raced around him, ‘I am a leech.’ ‘I don’t belong here.’ ‘I just would take up space.’

“Mike, if there is something else you want to talk about, it’s okay.”

How much had Will told them? Did they know about their relationship? Did they think he was just an asshole who used Will as a rebound? He blinked hard.

He was trying so hard to keep it in but it was bursting forth. He held his arm over his face.

He tried to breathe but a sob came out instead. “I didn’t want him to go.” He felt Aubrey’s hand on his. “I mean I want him to be happy. I want him to get the job of his dreams…” Then, it was like he’d opened the floodgates and everything came pouring out. “I was such a selfish prick. The whole time. We… I know he probably told you guys but… Will and I used to.... We kissed.” And slept together and held each other. Mike confessed, feeling shame in his cheeks, “I made it out like it was some kind of placeholder. I knew it was temporary. That I wouldn’t go with him to California. So I didn’t want to give it a name. I didn’t want to say what it actually was. I don’t think I’m gay because I loved girls for most of my life. I don’t know why I made an exception for him. I don’t know how I can stop feeling this. I don’t know how to let him go.” He folded in on himself. He felt embarrassed for laying himself bare like this, but it felt so good to say it. “And I know I need to let him go, because… he’s gonna find someone else there-” and then he couldn’t talk anymore. Aubrey had her hand on his back and he felt so weak.

He heard Aubrey, “It’s okay, Mike. For what it’s worth, I think you were an amazing boyfriend to Will, even if you didn’t call it that. You’re a good friend to him.”

“I used him,” Mike whispered.

Elaine spoke from across the room. She was transitioning to female. In the time since Mike’s last visit, her hair had grown longer, and it was more stylized. She seemed healthier, and he could hear her voice was changing, too. “I don’t think you used him, Mike. You brought him here, drove him to the airport, actively encouraged him to go out there. None of that comes from someone that uses their partner.”

Chris spoke in a tone that was quiet but comforting, “Mike, the pain you are feeling right now is a kind of grief. You are right to feel like something is ending because, in a lot of ways, your relationship with Will is going to change. But that is not a bad thing. You have such a strong foundation of friendship that I don’t think a thousand miles could break that.”

Mike wiped his eyes. They stung so much from the day’s tears. A boy from on the other side of Mike handed him a box of tissues.

Jeff offered, “And it isn’t just one or the other. Being straight or gay. There is a large spectrum of sexuality that I think we are only beginning to scratch the surface of. There are people that are attracted to one sex, both, or none at all.” He asked, “Have you told Will about this? About how you feel?”

Mike shook his head. “Not really, but won’t it hurt him more to tell him now that we’re miles apart?”

Jeff answered, “I think communication is the most important thing in any relationship and will get you through most things life has to throw at you. Burying it, hiding your feelings, hurts more in the end.”

It had felt so good and cathartic to talk with them, to let out something he’d been holding in for what felt like forever. But their advice, while comforting, was so much harder to follow when Will was actually on the phone.

For the first month Will was at college, Mike was like a lifeline for him. Will called nearly every other day. He knew Will depended on his voice to get through all the newness of the place. Of having a roommate who didn’t understand why Will woke up in a panic at least once a week. Of feeling overwhelmed with the load of work. Not because the amount was especially heavy but because Will felt like nothing he made was good enough. He was alongside people that went to high schools devoted to the arts or had been enrolled in courses since elementary school. Mike imagined himself a lighthouse in a storm for Will. And, if he was being honest with himself, he craved it. It felt good to be needed.

And so it was easier to prioritize Will’s problems, to minimize his own and not talk about his confusion. And the longer he waited to tell Will, the more it felt awkward. He was building up a wall. He knew what he was doing, he just didn’t know how to stop. Was this why it took Will so long to come out?

As the month went on, though, Will called less. He had begun to find people in San Francisco. The presence of the gay community was so open there. For the first time, he saw drag queens out walking the city strips. The Castro district became his sanctuary and he even found some people that went to his college. Will found ways to distract himself outside of Mike.

He could feel Will pulling away. He was opening up. He didn’t need him as much and suddenly, confessing wasn’t such a scary thing, it might be a way to keep Will close. But thinking like that felt so selfish. His reason felt so selfish.

He hadn’t been going to say anything but found himself slip one day. “What do you think about bi people?”

Will seemed surprised, “What do you mean?”

Mike could feel his palms sweating as he held the receiver. He’d overheard conversations from some of the gay guys in group.

‘I don’t understand how anyone could date someone bisexual. What if he just decided he liked girls better after all? No thanks.’ ‘I got enough problems finding a guy who can commit to a relationship. I don’t need one who can’t even pick a gender.’

Mike stumbled, “Just um… if you know anyone that is… if you think they’re just faking it… I dunno…”

Will was quiet for a second. “June used to say something like that. That bi guys are just gay guys that are too cowardly to admit to it. But I think that’s bull. Bowie is bi and he’s one of the bravest people I know.”

Mike exclaimed, “Where did you hear that Bowie is bi?!”

“One of my friends in group has been religiously recording Bowie interviews for ages. In one of them the interviewer asked if he was bisexual and he was just like, ‘I am.’ The interviewer was like, ’Yeah, but are you really?’ And he just told her, ‘I’ve answered the question.’” Will laughed, “There’s a reason he’s an icon.”

Mike couldn’t find the words. Somebody that felt so close, someone that was in his box of records, was bisexual and he never knew. Nobody talked about it.

Will continued, “I can’t pretend that I understand what it’s like. For me, I never liked girls. So I can’t imagine what it’s like being bi, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that their experiences are invalid, you know?”

Mike nodded, and barely spoke out an audible, “Yeah.” He felt relieved but didn’t know how to get the next part out. “I- Will? I... I loved El. But everything with you… none of it was pretend.”

“I never felt like it was.” And Mike could hear it. There was a way Will communicated sometimes. His heart would be in his throat and he could say so much with so little.

Mike laid his head back on the pillow, it was barely audible, “It’s still there… I love you.” There was a moment of fear, that he would hold Will back, that he was trying to keep a bird in a cage but then, without a moment’s hesitation-

“I love you, Mike.” He could hear it as full as the day in the airport.

Mike felt his heart swell. There was a heaviness, a weight. It was something that they always said, but this time it was different. This time it felt binding. There was no ‘now’ at the end. Nothing to tie it to the moment. It was something that would stretch out for forever, or for as long as Mike could foresee it. And though Mike was afraid, although he still wasn’t sure if he even believed in forever, he wanted to believe in it with every fiber of his being.

His doubt was kept at bay for the moment. But only for that moment...

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demonsonthemoon · 3 years

Text

The Flood and its Aftermath

Fandom: Supernatural Pairings: N/A Word Count: 1861 Summary: Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing. Note: I set out to write what was meant to NOT be a coming-out fic. Then it turned into a coming-out fic. Turns out writing what you would have wanted coming out to feel like is really therapeutic? Who would have guessed.Anyway, Sam Winchester is a non-binary lesbian in my heart.

Read it on AO3.

Sam had always thought that coming out would be the hardest thing.

The silver lining being that, with the lives they lived, there was really only one person she needed to come out to.

Dean.

Dean Winchester, the manly man who thought he was making fun of Sam by calling her a girl. The kind of guy who would refuse a good drink if it came in a pink bottle.

But Sam wasn't stupid and they knew better. Dean wasn't as much of an asshole as he made himself out to be, not really. That kind of bullshit was just the best way that Dean had found to protect himself.

Still. The hypermasculine posturing hadn't exactly been reassuring to Sam considering that he needed to tell his brother he was trans.

He'd thought that coming out would be the hardest, because it was the first step, the one that was supposed to open the floodgates.

In the end, it had been relatively easy. The anticipation had been awful, a crawling feeling under his skin where guilt and fear mingled.

People could argue all they wanted that lying by omission wasn't technically lying but it sure felt the same way to Sam. She wasn't sure what telling Dean would change, which was perhaps what made it so scary. She knew, however, that she couldn't physically keep it a secret anymore, that it was making her sick inside.

Besides, secrets had nearly ruined their relationship many times over.

She was sick of that too.

So there came a day, in the bunker, in front of a dinner Dean had lovingly prepared (because he cooked now, more than spaghetti-Os and PB&J sandwiches) where Sam told their brother that they were trans.

Dean's first reaction was confusion. His second was awkward laughter. Which was followed by more confusion. Sam let him work through it, knowing Dean needed to get past his surprise before they could really start talking.

Sure enough, Dean frowned deeply before asking : “When you say you're transgender, you mean you feel like a woman?”

“No. Well, not exactly. It's more like... Like there's a spectrum between being a man and being a woman and I'm somewhere on that spectrum. It moves around a lot. Most often these days I feel closer to womanhood, I guess, but it's never really one or the other so it's hard to tell.”

“So... what, you don't feel like a guy, but you're not a woman either?”

“Yeah. Something like that. Non-binary is the term. I guess technically I'm genderfluid, but I like non-binary.”

“How long have you...?”

Sam shrugged. “Depends on what you mean. I only put a word to it maybe... a year ago? Two years? But looking back... I think I might have felt this way for a long time. Especially in college. I was just... curious. About gender, queerness. I thought I was a straight guy, though, and it felt... I don't know. Voyeuristic? So I didn't really explore it. And there were times, then and later, when something didn't feel right, but I just blamed that on everyrhing else that was wrong with me.”

“You know that's not true, right?”

“What?”

“That there's something wrong with you. There's not.”

“Dean-”

“I mean it. This isn't wrong. And all the rest of it...” The demon blood. His psychic powers. The memories of a body without a soul and of a soul being tortured. “It's all stuff that was done to you. It's not who you are.”

Sam wasn't sure he wholly agreed with his brother. He wasn't convinced you could separate the essence of a soul from all that had shaped it throughout the years. That particular line of thinking had backfired every time he had tried it. But this wasn't the time to have that conversation.

“I know it's not wrong,” Sam said, only addressing one part of Dean's argument. “That's why I'm telling you. Being non-binary... It feels right. It feels like me.”

“Okay,” Dean replied. Then, with slightly more assurance: “Okay. So... what does it change? Do I call you like... my sister? Or... my sibling, I guess?”

Sam smiled. The apprehension they'd been feeling for almost an entire days was quickly dissolving, leaving behind relief and a fierce kind of love.

“Yeah. I'd like that. Either of them. I mean... It's fine if you don't, I get that it's-”

“Dude.” Dean winced right after interrupting them. “Not-dude. Whatever. I'm probably gonna mess up. A lot. Like I just did. But you've got to let me try. You told me this because it's important to you, right? So you need to let me know how I can make you more comfortable. Not just what's okay or what's easier but what you actually prefer. Okay?”

Sam held up her hands. “Yeah. Okay. Sorry, it's just... It's complicated. I'm not actually planning on transitioning medically. Can't really afford to, not with the risk of someone looking into one of our fake IDs. And before you suggest black market hormones – I know that look in your eyes, don't deny it – I just don't want to. This is the body I've got. It took me years to stop feeling like there was something wrong with it, but I'm finally getting there. I don't wanna change it. But that means... I'm always gonna look pretty masculine, okay? Even if that's not how I feel, I get that that's what other people see. And that's... okay. It's how it is. I don't want to come out to everyone I meet, there's no point and it's just none of their business. So sticking to masuline language is better. It's not just easier, although that's part of it. It's more comfortable than always being put on the spot.

“Okay. That... It sucks that you even have to think like that, but I get it.”

Sam shot her brother a grateful look. She doubted whether he really did get it, whether he understood how painful and frustrating it had been to come to these conclusions after finally finding ways to explore her gender identity. But all that mattered was that he was trying.

“What about when it's just us then?”

“You could... switch? Pronouns, I mean. Sometimes he, sometimes she. Singular they. Same with gendered words, when there's no neutral way to say something.

Dean stayed silent for a few seconds. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, not looking at Sam when he finally spoke. “Tell me if I say something fucked up, okay? I know I'm not always the most... sensitive, when it comes to those things.”

Sam nodded in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“From what you said about-” He made a vague hand gesture. “- fluid genders, I get that it makes sense to switch pronouns. But you also said you felt more feminine, right? And I... I'm so used to seeing you as my brother and as a guy, so...”

Dean paused, as if waiting for Sam to tell him off for what he'd just said. But they wouldn't do that, because they knew it was true and that Dean wasn't saying this to prove a point about who Sam really was.

“I just think that if you let me call you he, I won't actually be able to switch to thinking of you as anything else.”

A bittersweet emotion bloomed under Sam's tongue, making him choke and his eyes water. Sam had argued with himself, again and again, and he'd figured it was easier to give his brother an out. It would hurt less like this, he'd thought, less than if he'd asked for more and had had to face his brother's failures full-on.

But Dean was flat-out refusing to take the easy way out.

Sam knew his expression probably looked ridiculous, but he smiled. Wide and bright, and with his eyes still prickling.

“She and they work, then. Thank you.”

Dean looked embarrassed. “Sure.”

He wasn't looking at her, but Sam didn't mind. She was happy. She basked in the silence between them, silence that was no longer heavy with secrets.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Mmh?”

“Is it still funny if I call you Samantha?”

Sam laughed, despite themself. Dean's grin was shy in return.

“It was never funny, jerk.”

“Bitch.”

So that, it turned out, had been the easy part.

The hard stuff came after.

The hard stuff was finding a way to get Dean to stop walking on eggshells around her everytime he had to correct himself on pronouns. The hard stuff was learning to correct Dan herself, forcing herself to stop letting it slide despite every part of her that screamed it wasn't a big deal and that it was safer to say nothing. The hard stuff was learning to know herself and then have that knowledge be stripped away by the gaze of strangers every time she and Dean went out in public.

Sam had learned to love his body out of necessity. Because they knew how easy it was to lose control of it, and because most days it was the only thing they could rely on. Years of living amongst demons and angels had taught them that the physical form was only a vessel. And so it hurt when other people couldn't understand that.

There was another thing that the hunter's life had taught Sam. Pain was easier to deal with when you were used to it. But it didn't take long to lose that habit.

And so the sweetest moments, the euphoria of knowing and of feeling known, they made the other times even more difficult. They made the casual assumptions and the well-meaning but off-track comments feel like a constant weight over their shoulders.

The hardest thing, in all of this, was that Sam couldn't get angry. He couldn't fault people for not instinctively realizing what had taken them 30 years to figure out. He couldn't complain about people using the wrong pronouns, not when he used them himself. He couldn't begrudge people for not seeing him for who he was, not when he didn't know how to make that person intelligible in any sort of language.

And so Sam couldn't get angry. They got tired instead, the kind of fatigue that settled into their bones like it had in the first few months of that year when Dean had been in Purgatory and Sam had been driving because he didn't know what else they could do.

On those days, Sam kept going because she knew there was no better option. And she knew, in her heart, that this was only a matter of having lost the habit. She knew that it only hurt so bad because the ache wasn't constant anymore, because there were moments (with herself, then with Dean, then with Castiel and Jack and Jody too) where she could be herself without it being a question, where she existed not only in translation but in the glory of her own tongue, and when she didn't have to try.

The wise man asks the fool:

Why do you hurt yourself so?

Because it feels so good when the pain stops.

#Meeni writes fics #Sam Winchester #Supernatural #Non-binary Sam Winchester #Trans Sam Winchester

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rhetoricandlogic · 3 years

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Gamechanger by L.X. Becket aka A.M. Dellamonica

Sleeps With Monsters: Optimism and (Game)Change

Liz Bourke

When I first heard about L.X. Beckett’s debut novel, the near-future science fiction sprawling cross between espionage thriller, family saga and romance that is Gamechanger, I wasn’t that excited. The cover copy is decidedly bland compared to the contents—so I found myself surprised and delighted when I started reading Gamechanger and couldn’t put it down.

Beckett sets their novel in a world where climate change, and the human responses to climate change necessary to keep the planet habitable, have resulted in major changes in society. A communitarian ethos and reputation-based economy co-exists with the vestiges of capitalism. The “Bounceback” generation is socially-focused and waste-averse, conscious that they live in a world of limited resources, and most people who are physically capable of it now spend much of their time with their surroundings augmented by virtual reality, in order to conserve resources while still living full and meaningful lives.

Ruby Whiting spends part of her time as a public advocate, specialising in helping troubled individuals with antisocial behaviour navigate the social economy and find solutions that allow them to modify their behaviour to the expect norms. That’s how she encounters Luciano Pox, a troublemaker and a troubled individual who has difficulty navigating society and is convinced someone’s trying to kill him. Luce is at the centre of an Interpol investigation, dogged by ambitious French cop Anselmo. Anselmo believes Luce might be the key to proving the existence of sapient artificial intelligences—a ticket to the top for any ambitious police detective. Ruby’s less convinced, and less enthusiastic about helping Interpol investigate when she has secrets of her own. Especially when she’s worried for her father, troubled musician and conspiracy-chasing journalist Drow, who has a bad case of anxiety rooted in childhood abuse, and a history of suicide attempts.

The other side of Ruby’s life is live action gaming in virtual reality environments. She’s one of the best in her field, with a significant fanbase, and she usually plays the hero. Like any good hero, she has a nemesis: Gimlet Barnes, tied with Ruby for premier position. They share a complicated attraction, but Gimlet’s multi-partner marriage is in difficulty, with one of the partners dying and another divorcing, and their kid Frankie is having problems coming to terms with the existing upheaval in her life.

When Drow chases a fringe conspiracy theory that turns out to be true, and when the truth about Luciano Pox turns out to be even stranger than anyone could have imagined, Ruby and Gimlet are manipulated into one final gaming showdown. One where the stakes are the future of any relationship they could ever have. Oh, and the future of the world.

Beckett has written a science fiction novel that’s immensely hopeful about human potential while also realistic about human flaws—and they have, as well, avoided portraying their future as utopian. The innovative features of society are treated as quotidian, with matter-of-fact brevity, and Gamechanger‘s viewpoint characters share the same irritated appreciation of the benefits and flaws (and general lack of consensus as to which is greater on any given day) as we do about the things that are quotidian parts of our daily lives. And Beckett has populated this society with compelling, believable characters, whose distinct voices and personal stories carry the narrative even when the pacing of the larger thriller lags.

At one level, this is a story about big changes, big discoveries, the fate of the world. At another—the level that drew me in and kept me reading—Gamechanger is a story about personal relationships, and particularly about the relationships between parents and children, about responsibility and dependency, in- and interdependence, and the things (the people) that you can’t bear to lose. It’s normatively queer and bloody captivating, and I can’t wait to see what Beckett does next.

#L. X. Becket #A. M. Dellamonica #Gamechanger #mahreviews #long post

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paradise-creator · 4 years

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OwO when u have time,, can I have a haven box for BNHA?? But just when you’re free and not working on prior works!! >:( I’m watching u bish

You can use my name in the result if you want to lol I already know it anyway!!

She/her, Taurus, INTJ, slytherin (pretty freakin’ queer but I usually lean towards boys/enbies more)

Personality: the first thing people notice about me is that I am less of a feeler and more of a thinker. I do have an IQ of 125, but my emotional intelligence is quite low, so I have trouble sympathizing with others. But I learned through experience, so I don’t SEEM emotionless. I can (and will) help my friends through tough times if they need me. I’m pragmatic, so I always go for the facts instead of the feelings during decision making or tough situations. I hold a lot of perfectionist traits that make it really hard for me to be satisfied with my results if they aren’t higher than the norm. I also have a slight issue with saying no, so sometimes I’ll offer my help or enrol myself in long-term projects while knowing I legit do not have time for more stuff on my schedule. Being a bit smarter than average, I sometimes feel like I’m obligated to help others so that they can do good too (however, I do like helping people with their hw to a certain extent). I’m working on those issues though!! I’m also an introvert, and I can get rlly tired if I have to be interacting for more than four hours straight with people, especially if their persona isn’t rlly compatible with mine.

However, when I’m surrounded by friends (or generally people who aren’t my superiors), I’m very energetic, loud, silly and I have a sharp tongue. I’m also insanely competitive, like someone please stop me?? My sense of humour goes from absolute nonsense to almost mean spirited sarcasm, but it all depends on who I’m talking to. I’m a MAJOR memer, I have a bunch of files filled with them, and I couldn’t bear be with people who didn’t understand my meme references. When I start liking something, I can get easily obsessed. I’m stubborn, therefore very passionate about the things I care about. I also have a slight case of the Endorphin Junkie, meaning that I really, really like the high you get after sports so I do crossfit training like five to six times a week. I’m unapologetically myself, and I will not ever change who I am to fit within the norm. I’m sometimes told that (that I’m odd, I mean), but I usually thank the people who tell me. I have a really, really big love for music and I have a tendency to break into song sometimes when people say a line from a song I know. I also cry sometimes when music gets really good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whoops

Appearance: I’m around 5’6”, with hazel eyes and brown hair that goes around to my shoulders. It gets curly out of nowhere. I can either wake up with straight hair or wake up with a freakin perm, it’s funny. My body isn’t exactly the lean type, I’m somewhere around the buff area of the scale instead, but as long as I seem visibly strong, I’m satisfied. When I’m not going anywhere significant, I usually just wear sport shirts and sweats, but I have a penchant for Dark Academia so I like /looking/ like I’m smart sometimes. And I have glasses bc apparently my eyes are assholes and they work too hard and it hurts my brain all the time

Likes: music (DavidBowieDavidBowieDavidBow-); I have a really wide range of music that goes from early 2000’s pop to 1700’s requiems(my faves are Bowie, Queen and Pink Floyd). I enjoy studying theoretical fields, reading, and I like talking about Absurd Theories About Reality That Make Little To No Sense. I like sports, and I love joking around with friends in the most exaggerated ways. I also love the colour green and I’m more of a cat person

Dislikes: dogs (they’re cute but keep them away pls), ignorant people, irresponsible people, spiders, things I’m not good at from the beginning, having to deal with strangers being upset, crying (me. I don’t like crying; I mean me, I’m fine if my friends cry)

Other fun facts!!

- my goals for the future are all over the place; I want to work for Disney, I want to get a musical composition degree, I want a biomedical engineering bachelors degree, I want an astrophysics doctorate, I want to study languages, I want to be a foreign English teacher... I can’t ever decide.

- I have a long history with getting crushes on guys who turned out to be gay. It happens so often and I HATE IT, it makes me feel terrible.

- I!!love!!70’s!!music!!so!!much!! I was raised on that stuff, my dad wouldn’t let us listen to anything else

- Lol my favourite playlist name is Drugs Playlist But I Don’t Even Do Drugs it’s just a bunch of Pink Floyd and David Bowie songs

- My favourite movies are 80’s or 90’s comedy classics!! Like Wayne’s World, or Airplane!, or Night at the Roxbury. I keep quoting Wayne’s World and no one understands :(

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ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Flashes of memory

- Truth or dare gone wrong

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Sero Hanata, Cellophane

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Sun drops

The reasons I paired you

- It me awhile to think about who to match you up with

- I was thinking of either Bakugou or Denki

- BUT THEN I REMEMBERED SERO

- Sero is such an underrated character smh

- BUT THIS DYNAMIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR

-At first, you might be annoyed at his lack of knowledge but you over past that

- His EQ can help you grow as a person as well

- You have the IQ he has the EQ, BALANCE!

- You two would often have laughing sessions at class

- No cap tho, you two would be the most interesting couple

- You guys would have a matching necklace or a Keychain (IDK why but I feel like it-)

- You get along well with Denki, (IT TOOK A LONG TIME)

- But you would rather hang out with Bakugou (He tolerates you more than the others).

- BRO, please give him love. He craves your attention

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Flashes of memories

Sero: Hello there hot stuff!

Eve: Hello there Soy sauce

Sero: NOT YOU TOO

Eve: Just kidding, Hello babe

Sero: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

Eve: Yes, killing you with love

Sero: Dang that's smooth

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Sero: He-

Eve: I didn't take your Pocky, Denki did

Sero: How-

Eve: You've been yelling about it for the past few minutes

Sero: Oh-

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Sero: Can you help me with studying?

Eve: Struggling again?

Sero: Yes...

Eve: Why did I date you again?

Sero: Please?

Eve: ...

Also Eve: Fine

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Truth or dare gone wrong

The class 1-A were all gathered in their common room, even Bakugou was present. The class was having a truth or dare session, it seemed interesting. “Sero, my man! Truth or dare?” Denki asked as he looked at Sero. “Truth! I choose truth,” Sero said. “Who have you been talking on the phone to this past weeks? The one I keep hearing is my pumpkin?” Denki asked. Sero’s face then turned a light shade of pink. “O-Oh- ummm,” He started as he looked away. “Does our Cellophane have a girlfriend?” Mina teased as she poked Sero. “Y-Yeah,” He stuttered. “OI THAT’S NOT FAIR?!? WHY CAN YOU HAVE A GIRL BUT I CAN’T,” Denki sulked as he placed his head on the table. “If you weren’t such a perv then maybe you can get one!” Hakagure responded.

“Don’t be shy. Tell us more,” Mina said. Sero’s blush darkened and he looked away. “We are playing truth or dare! It’s my turn to ask,” Sero then said. “Actually, I am quite curious as well. We can always continue later,” Momo said as she smiled. Everyone agreed and they then looked at the nervous male. “C’mon now guys, this is unfair,” Sero said as he looked at everyone. “But you have a girl and we want tea,” Mina then said as she sat in front of him. “I- um, you guys really want to know about her, huh?” Sero said as he chuckled. Everyone nodded and stared at Sero intently. “Just tell us already, Soy sauce,” Bakugou growled as he glared at Sero. “Don’t listen to him, bro. He is just jealous,” Kirishima said. “WHAT-“ Bakugou was about to counter but was silenced. “Fine! Fine! You got me in a corner,” Sero then said as he chuckled. “She should be coming here,” He added as he looked at the door. “Three, two, one,” He then said as he pointed to the door.

“Hello, is Sero Hanta here?”A feminine voice said. “ARE YOU A PSYCHIC?” Denki said as he looked surprised. “I’m right here pumpkin!” Sero then said as he smirked. His nervousness melted away as he saw the 5’6ft girl. It was his girlfriend, Eve, and he was overjoyed. “Hey there babe!” She then said as she smiled. “DANG YOU GOT A FINE LADY!” Denki then yelled as he checked her out. “Keep your eyes above for I’ll gorge them out,” Eve then said as she glared at Denki. Soon enough, Mineta tried to touch her as well but his efforts were at vain. Sero used his tape as to stop Mineta from getting closer. And Eve kicked him away, far away from her. “Get your filthy hands away from her,” Sero said as he stood up. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “Woah, that was so manly!” Kirishima said as he smiled.

“GIRLS! GET HER-“ Mina said as she tackled the girl. They didn’t fall down but Mina was laughing and hugging her. “Girl! How long have you been together?” Mina asked as she pulled away. Eve was a bit uncomfortable but she merely had a stoic face. “A few weeks,” She responded bluntly. And soon enough, the truth or dare session was forgotten. It was replace with the class 1-A trying to pry out the tea from the couple. Did they succeed? No, not really. Though the class seemed to love Eve and her antics. The class even tried to make them forget about the date they have planned. But either way, Sero and Eve got manage to get away to have their small movie date at his room.

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Author's note

Hai bb! I'm sorry it took so long. But thanks for requesting again~

#☁️matchup #fanfic #fiction #anime #bnha imagines #bnha matchup #bnha sero #hanta sero #mha sero #mha

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queer-cat-policy · 4 years

Text

Hi! I’m Ace!

Hi, I am ace. Not like the ace of spades but rather ace as in the slang for Asexual. And here I am, telling you, a stranger this. Not just a stranger but many. Writing essays, countless posts, and telling the world as kindly as possible about how I exist is pretty exhausting. But it is more exhausting being invisible. So now I join a movement, an invisible one fighting for visibility, so that maybe, just maybe, we find others like us.

I like to be fully disclosed, I will give you the definition of asexuality but the rest of it is all me. You cannot apply this article to learn about your friends. Maybe, if they are anything like me, you gain some insight, but the reality is, I write this in hopes that someone reading it will feel a little less alone in the world. Maybe this helps you understand that you are not abnormal, instead you are a human being first and foremost and deserve empathy like one. So, what I am saying is, do not take this article as the be all of asexuality. If you have an asexual friend in your life, you should ask them the questions you have with the intention of strengthening your relationship and becoming informed on a topic you previously were not informed about. And if you are asexual and my experiences don’t resonate with you, I encourage you to seek the rest of the community and know you are valid and you are not alone.

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality by itself at its most basic, universal definition, is defined as a lack of sexual attraction. And that’s it. The rest is a spectrum. There are many different types of asexual people, every single one has different experiences and feelings of attraction or may not even feel attraction at all. So we call this a spectrum and some parts of the spectrum have different titles. I think most people have no idea that attraction outside sexual attraction exists, meaning they didn’t know there are other names for attraction. Someone who identifies as asexual but is still attracted to people can feel aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, physical attraction, emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, social attraction… and the list goes on.

There is something called the A-spectrum which isn’t just asexuality but aromantic, demi romantic, gray romantic, demi sexual, and gray sexual. Demi means that that attraction does not occur until an emotional bond is formed, gray means someone who has limited experiences with that attraction.

What Makes Me Asexual?

Asexuality means something different for every single person who identifies under it and because I can’t name really every type of asexual person out there, I am going to tell you a little bit about myself.

I am asexual because I feel no sexual attraction to anyone. I, in particular, do not want sex and am quite repulsed at the idea of it. I don’t enjoy the sex obsessed culture either and tend not to partake in it. I do however find people attractive for several reasons, it is usually an individual thing. I emotionally bond with people before I feel anything towards them for one. The attraction from there can be emotional or aesthetic. I know what type of personalities I draw in and enjoy interacting with too. I date and have been in about three relationships in my life but only one was long term.

Romantically, I don’t tend to identify. I say this because things change from person to person (as in depending on the individual I am attracted to). I will usually umbrella myself following the explanation of my asexual identity, stating that I am queer alongside being asexual or if I’m not comfortable talking about my asexuality, I leave it at queer. I say queer because I am attracted to different people for different reasons and sometimes gender isn’t necessarily a discriminating factor. I have mostly emotionally bonded with men in the past, but I find women physically and aesthetically attractive. Additionally, I am not exclusively attracted to men or women, I also can be attracted to transgender and non-binary people.

Is Asexuality in LGBT?

The Asexual community gets a lot of ping pong discussion about rather or not we are apart of the LBGTQIA+ Community. Some people believe that if you are just asexual and hetero-romantic and cis… then you should not be identifying as part of the LGBTQIA+ Community. I won’t get to deep into it, but the truth is, the A is for the asexual spectrum, not just the queer asexual folks. And we too have struggles, some much like the rest of the community and some very different. To leave out asexual people is aphobic in my personal opinion and a gatekeeping tactic. I one time read someone who was upset that the community had become like “the island of misfit toys.” I won’t tell you what to believe about this, but I’ll definitely talk about this in later posts so if you’re interested in reading more about it, keep an eye out!

The Fears of Asexuals…

We live in a sex obsessed culture. Sex is literally everywhere. It is in music, TV, movies, school, social life, work, art, commercials, food----- This culture is absolutely thriving (this is not a good thing) off of the exploitation of sexuality. Especially of women. If you can’t understand the problem with this, imagine hating the super bowl around Thanksgiving or Christmas at… well Christmas, when every store, elevator, billboard, TV series, and artist is throwing Christmas in your face. Except for asexual people, this is our life everyday we wake up and live in the world. Every. Day.

Because everyone around us is so obsessed with sex, asexual people can feel overwhelmingly alone. And for those seeking a significant other, that is a legitimate fear. Everyone else around us in relationships all require the one thing we will not give: Sex. You’ll never guess the number of times I get unmatched on dating apps after someone asks me what asexual means or after the first time I mention it outside my profile… because I guess if I don’t say anything than all the flags on my profile that include my sexual identity can be potentially false?

Asexual people, because many of us are very uncultured in sexual cues and such, are also at risk of being sexually abused and assaulted. Asexual people have gotten into situations where they are legitimately sexually attacked either because they have rejected someone or someone tries to change them by forcing themselves on them, or because they miss cues. Remember though if you have been sexually assaulted it is not your fault. There is no “what if I did this differently.” We are trained currently to be blameful of ourselves in sexual assault situations. But the fact is, if you did not consent to it- if there was no clear/in the right mind consent to it- it should not have happened and there is absolutely no excuse on the attacker’s part that should change that verdict.

Another part to being in a sex obsessed culture is just the sheer disbelief that people exist that do not want it. Rather it is for the intimacy or instincts, it will truly awestruck people of all kinds to the point they may tell us that we are not real. Not valid. Every asexual person has heard “you haven’t found the right person,” “How do you know if you’ve never had it,” “you can’t be asexual, you have a significant other,” “Love can’t really exist without sex,” “you’re just scared.” And we think about these things like ‘what if,’ and let other people’s invalidation of our identities invalidate ourselves.

Asexual Relationships?

It is a common misconception that asexual people do not date or do not have these kinds of intimate relationships. It is true that some people who identify as asexual also identify as aromatic or choose not to date or seek intimate relationships, but this does not describe the entire asexual community. Some asexual people will only date other asexual people, some do not. Asexual people in non-asexual relationships may come to a compromise in that relationship or vice versa. But it is incredibly important to remember that what matters most is that both parties are being satisfied. That may mean we discover that this partner is not the one. The needs need to be met on both sides.

As previously mentioned, there are a lot of people who think love must come with sex. You are more likely to come across someone with that mindset on the street than not. I personally try to meet people via online dating, and I would not say I have been 100% successful or unsuccessful. I have made several friends, I have had a boyfriend, I have done a lot of dating, I’ve also been unmatched as soon as they realize I am not wanting to sleep with them. That can be extremely… demeaning. And bad for self-esteem. I wrote something a little about how it feels to be consistently rejected for being asexual. I get rejected sometimes before people even know what asexual is. They know it is something from the LGBTQIA+ Community, it’s not straight, it’s not normal. And yes, maybe I shouldn’t want to be with someone like that but it feels like there are more people like that than not and there is no cure for the overwhelming fear that I will end up alone. It also creates an uncertain anxiety when I do not know why I may have been rejected. My brain defaults to “it’s because I’m asexual” and I go through the same devastation I would if I knew for sure it’s because I am asexual.

On the other side are the people who decide to date an asexual with the intention of being the one to “fix us.” Or they think it will change- because ultimately, they don’t believe in asexuality. Or they think it is personal, like instead of me being repulsed by sex I am repulsed by the person. For me, since I am not a very physically affectionate person (even when I am that comfortable with someone, it is very limited), that’s more common than I ever thought possible. That kind of says something about our society more than the individual, in my personal opinion. It says that our society as values our sexuality (especially as women) more than other parts of our personality.

Something I will include in here, friendships. A lot of my friends do not know how to talk about my sexuality. They don’t know what it is, it makes them uncomfortable, they think they have to give me the sex ed run down, or they think I have to be in PG settings all the time to be comfortable. No, I don’t necessarily want to hear in detail about your sex life but if there’s something you want to tell me, I’m not a fragile flower you have to protect. Friends also may constantly bring up my sexuality in an environment where it may not be comfortable. My friends have sometimes flaunted it like a golden ticket, like a token queer friend. I have to tell them to stop and if they don’t, I have to reconsider our friendship. Our sexual orientations are personal, no matter how out and forward we are, it belongs to us, to you. Coming out belongs to you and it is never insignificant enough to deserve to happen against your own free will.

Dear Ace Community Let’s Communicate!

The last thing I want to add here is just a suggestion for the asexual community. I see a lot of people who post about the exhaustion that comes with having to constantly re-explain ourselves to partners, friends, people of interest… Stop being exhausted. Do not tell them to google it. Someone is trying to understand you, googling is not understanding you. Take it as a compliment and be ready to explain and advocate for yourself and our community. Communication is so important. Google does not tell that person who you are, especially because we are on such a wide spectrum. I advise strongly against it. And probably, when you have to have that conversation, don’t have it over text. At least for me, I say so many more meaningful things when it’s face to face or over the phone at the very least versus over text message. I’m not just being a parrot of information from what I know the internet has told me, I’m telling that person about myself and what it means for me to be asexual. Communicate what it means for you to be asexual.

If you have an asexual friend, don’t be afraid of them. Know that you can’t change who they are, they don’t want you to try, you can’t “fix them.” If you don’t understand them, ask questions and don’t be critical.

Thank you so much for reading! If you have any question, reach out on my tumblr or contact page!

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