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astral-mariner · 5 months

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Vegebul headcanons: Vegeta fell for Bulma first

So lots of ppl in fanfic often write Bulma falling for Vegeta first. I see it the other way around.

The ship explodes while he's training, and he suddenly has all this downtime he never had while serving under Freeza. They've had surface-level conversations before, gotten at each other's throats over alien-human misunderstandings as well as serious moral and/or experiential differences. But while he's recovering, he gets a bit stir-crazy and just...finds himself around Bulma rather often, and they actually start to get to know each other.

Bulma finds him dark and mysterious---fascinating to her in an almost scientific way because he's so like a human but so different at the same time. She admires his tenacity; though he would never characterize himself as a victim, she knows he's faced grief and hardship, and carrying on with such clarity of purpose anyway is heartening in a way. Meanwhile, Vegeta just doesn't understand why this woman insists on talking to him, making sure he takes care of himself... He can understand her providing gear and housing---she and her friends need him for the upcoming battle. But the interest, openness, and basic kindness she displays baffles him, especially when he is a sworn enemy of Kakarot's. With Nappa and Raditz things were always complicated. So many roles and expectations with him being their prince. But with this Earth woman, there are no expectations at all. So he doesn't know what to do with her.

He won't let himself think of her as beautiful even if his eyes linger on her. He has just seen so few women like her. Certainly, he's never spent so much time with one either. Always on his way to a new planet. No real friends or consistency of any kind. That's not to say he regards her as a friend. Of course not. He tells himself that she's useful. She has resources, power. And she pursues her own ends with intensity and fearlessness---saiyan qualities he understands.

And then she's in his thoughts day and night. He thinks of her scent or her voice when he's trying to train, when he's lying awake and can't sleep. That sparkle in her eyes when he challenges her, but it doesn't shake her in the slightest. Her laugh, her little touches. He's head over heels for her long before they have sex, but he has no context for feelings like that. He just feels like he's losing his mind.

And it scares the shit out of him. How can he focus on transforming and defeating the one who took his birthright and Freeza's death from him when this woman is just fucking haunting him? He doesn't even know it's romantic attraction. He won't even accept that he's sexually attracted even though his body reacts to hers however fiercely he avoids looking at or touching her.

Meanwhile, Bulma has just broken up with Yamcha. She's not really in a place where she's thinking about a new relationship. She might want to have some fun here and there now that she's single, sure, but she's much more focused on the arrival of the Androids. Especially since she knows how hard her future self worked to warn everyone and give them a chance to have a different outcome than she did. And Vegeta is a powerful asset to have on her side. As much of a jerk as he can be, he works tirelessly to prepare himself for the battle, and helping him become stronger may make a difference in their survival.

Sure, it tickles her scientist brain to have an alien living on her property she can ask about space and otherworldly tech whenever she wants. And Vegeta himself has a fascinating (if dark and disturbing) personal history. He's not what she expects in some ways. Proud, and yet also very reserved and even shy. Aggressive and intense, but at the same time thoughtful, introspective, and so dedicated to his calling that she realizes it's a spiritual thing for him, perhaps even religious.

She finds herself enjoying his company even when she knows that she shouldn't. He's not exactly a true ally. He's not a good person. But he's just so...interesting. And he's more attractive than he seems to realize. She indulges a fantasy or two of what he might be like in bed. But it's not serious. She knows she shouldn't. It would never work out. It would be so fucking complicated and fraught for everyone involved. There's no way an alien man would have the same (or even compatible) ideas about relationships or sex. Even if Vegeta did, he'd never fucking tolerate having a frank conversation about it. He's really kind of a prude.

And yet...they spend more time with each other, and the tension between them just builds. Over months and months, it builds slowly but surely. And one day, it just fucking breaks. One evening, they end up closer than usual. Touching each other, and it gets really intense really fast. No time to really discuss where things are going or what anything means---they just need each other in that moment. And it works out. Somehow. It's almost too easy. Despite all the cultural differences. They have sex, and it feels...good.

For Vegeta, sexuality had previously always been something tainted with negativity. What's the point of having a drive for sex, after all, when you're the last of your kind, and fleeting pleasures are hardly more than distractions? But with Bulma, everything just felt so fucking right and good. Like finally getting to experience all the things he'd always wondered about and longed for even if he never admitted it to himself. Things he thought were impossible. Having sex in a situation where he had a real choice in the matter. With a woman when he had spent his whole life having to accept the fact that no saiyan women had survived. On top of everything, not only does he want her---desperately---but she wants him in return. How she squirms when he touches her, how her scent changes, how she trembles and whimpers when he gets to do all the things he never let himself want before.

It just completely and utterly unravels him, and he can't get enough of her. He thought that, just maybe, if he gave in and slept with her, she wouldn't fucking haunt him anymore, but it just gets fucking worse. He needs her like water. Like if he doesn't get to be in her presence and touch her, he will just fucking lose it even more than he already has. And it fucking terrifies him. He's only ever wanted one thing: to transform and make things right after Freeza destroyed everything. But now he's preoccupied, and he can't handle it. He doesn't know what to do. What any of it means. What he really wants out of any of it. And he has no idea what she wants either. Only that however many times he tries to stay away from her, they always end up tangled up again. He couldn't even tell her how he feels even if he wanted to because he's so clueless about what's happening to him.

Meanwhile Bulma is just absolutely floored by how intense everything is from the beginning. She wonders if it's a saiyan thing, or if he's just intense like that himself. She doesn't know what Vegeta's full history with sex is, but she knows it's complicated. All she knows is that he kisses her like it's his last day on Earth. That he fucks her like he couldn't resist her if he tried (and he does try). And she can't help but ride that high. She brings this mysterious, strong, and austere man to his knees, and her power over him is intoxicating. She knows she shouldn't play around with someone so dangerous even if she's convinced he'll become an ally eventually. She knows that most of her friends wouldn't approve. It's not like she wants to DATE Vegeta. But gods...his desperation, the way he almost worships her, how wild and even frightening he can be---she can't help but indulge herself at least a little bit even if it's against her better judgment. It's not serious, after all. It's not like Vegeta of all people would even want to be some kind of partner to her anyway. He just wants sex (right?), and that's all she wants too. So she proposes a friends-with-benefits situation that they are determined to keep on the down-low.

Vegeta's head is just spinning at all of this. He still doesn't fucking know what to do with her. He can't have an attachment to her---especially not now when his sole focus needs to be transforming---but imagining his life without her is just... So he just lets her call it whatever she pleases, as long as no one else is involved and no one else knows about it. The weakness all the more glaring and real if other people know about it. He can tell himself he is just having sex with her so he can stay focused on training. Nothing more than that. Certainly not.

Over the course of it, Vegeta's feelings for her just intensify. If he was head over heels before they had sex, the more time they spend and the more intimate they become, he only falls more madly in love with her. And while Bulma tells herself that feelings aren't really involved for her beyond the friendship she develops with him, she has little pangs of romantic longing that hit her out of nowhere from time to time. Almost hard not to when the sex is the way that it is. She wonders sometimes if he has feelings for her. Real feelings. But he just couldn't, right? She's just being a silly hopeless romantic like she was when she was younger, and she's over that. He's an alien with a tortured past, and he's not boyfriend material, and she's fine with that. That's not what she wants anyway. Certainly not right now with the end of the world around the corner.

We all know how things go down after this, though, don't we?

But yeah. I headcanon Vegeta falls first and harder, whereas Bulma falls gradually after they become involved. Bulma has experienced good relationships before, and she wasn't looking for a romance with Vegeta in the wake of her breakup. Vegeta, on the other hand, hasn't experienced romantic love or sexual attraction where things weren't fucked up and fraught in some way before. So his "relationship" (re: passionate affair) with Bulma means so much more to him even if he couldn't articulate it. It completely blows him away, but he doesn't have the context or emotional insight to make sense of it. So he just panics, lol.

#yes I am planning to write a 3 Year Gap fic eventually #once I finish my Vegeta/Raditz under Freeza fic #vegebul #vegeta #bulma #I wrote a super shitty one waaaay back in the day #and my thoughts have evolved a lot over time #headcanons #astral.txt

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sugar-grigri · 6 months

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After questioning it, Fujimoto sets fire to his own creation

Witch, cremation, CSM wannabe... what if the work we love was burning?

You might think that the shortness of this chapter means that it doesn't say much, but the opposite is true - it's overflowing with richness and coherence.

The first thing that impressed me was the mastery of the action, particularly Quanxi's attitude during this very scene

The fact that Quanxi bit Fumiko was nothing more than a way of controlling her future pain; she had perfectly understood that she was going to lose her legs as a result of the fall, just as she couldn't bite herself.

I also like the way we understand how extremely fast her regeneration capacity is, in just a few seconds her leg is healed, and the fake chainsaw men don't even have time to get any closer before their heads are flying.

Apart from the action, the chapter is also very rich in dialogue

I'd like to come back to Barem's characterisation of Nayuta as not only a witch but also an ex-Makima.

First of all, it makes sense in terms of the scenario, because if Nayuta were to die, there'd be no more locks, and the public hunters' dilemma would also fall by the wayside.

But we can dig even deeper, whether in the character of Barem or that of Nayuta.

It's not insignificant that the flame-throwing weapon is the one who starts the witch-hunt, just as it's not insignificant that it's Barem who says it, given that he's a character we can describe as religious.

I think Barem is the weapon with the most resentment towards his instrumentalisation, he also sees Nayuta as a threat because she was a former mistress of the weapons.

But above all, why is the control demon closer to a witch than a demon?

Obviously, when we think of witches, we all think of witch-hunting, but let's take the reasoning to its logical conclusion: why hunt witches? The witch is the symbol of what must be eradicated, of a close link with evil, but above all a pretext for the powers that be to eliminate women who represent a form of power.

Calling Makima a witch is consistent, but at the same time it differs in a few respects: she wasn't driven out by the government, she was deliberately put in place by it. But calling Nayuta a witch instead of a demon is consistent, because she's a demon who, despite her desire for control, blends in with humans.

Nayuta sticks to her role as a little girl, whether it's her interest in school or her focus on her family with Denji.

Makima also had a real desire to integrate, despite the fact that her only response to socialisation was domination.

But she remains a witch, not because she is persecuted, but because she persecutes.

It's not a question of demonising Nayuta, but of not presenting her as a cute, nice girl. I don't understand how some people think that the antagonist of part 1 could have been magically diluted by the power of love. Nayuta is no longer a tool, but she's still a demon exerting a form of control over Denji in his isolation.

Nayuta isn't Machiavellian and she thinks that by preventing Denji from seeing Asa, for example, she's protecting him. What's more, Denji deliberately isolates himself and thinks that Nayuta is the only one who will accept him. While he was psyching himself out over his wet dog smell after Asa's rejection, Nayuta, who claims to love the smell, only confirms this point of view.

Once again, the control demon's objective is always the pursuit of happiness for both of them, just as it was for Makima with Pochita or Nayuta with Denji. The control demon's obsession with Chainsaw Man is what marks the continuity between Makima and Nayuta.

Nayuta's character may not be fundamentally different from Makima's, she's just marked by a more infantile control that's more demonstrative and noisy than adult control, which is colder and more insidious.

That's why I'm changing the premise, I think Nayuta is still Makima, but she's simply changed environment.

When Barem pretends he's heard Chainsaw Man, I don't think it's as absurd as it sounds, he's the one who's most piercing about Denji in each of his interactions, he's insisting on something that Denji isn't admitting to himself.

Whether it's his desire to become Chainsaw Man again in spite of Nayuta, or the fact that Denji also likes to have fans by presenting himself as one, I think that without saying that Denji wants his little sister dead, he thinks she's a witch...

Witch and not demon, Nayuta is not the threat of an enemy, of a demon that CSM should eliminate, but she is not a human little sister, she is dangerous in her need to control her brother.

I adore Nayuta, so I don't want people to think that I hold her responsible for everything, but I see a kind of taboo in the way some fans refuse to see her as anything other than the idyllic little sister

CSM is grey, each positive facet will have a negative facet. Denji's relationship with his little sister is full of contradictory desires that also need to be pointed out.

I think this chapter just points out the taboos, for example by calling Denji a CSM wannabe, I think that's a part of the character that's often overlooked.

CSM is part of Denji's identity, but it's as much a role he's taken on as a mask he hides behind.

To avoid facing up to his own existential difficulties, Denji hides behind Chainsaw Man, convinced that the only way to love him is to discover that he is Chainsaw Man, as if it wasn't possible to simply love the boy.

Just as the only time Denji expressly confesses his feelings is when he's Chainsaw Man. Denji has never spoken of his grief as a human again, just as he has never come to terms with his dream of having sex.

Chainsaw Man is the semblance of confidence that allows Denji to be himself. Didn't you notice how silent and passive he was as a human in the last arc?

Fujimoto questioned one thing throughout part 2: what is Chainsaw Man? Is he the hero that a whole generation of people are fans of, Yoru's enemy, Pochita, that impostor, Denji's identity or... isn't he more all those moments when Denji is himself?

Yoshida had wondered whether CSM would eat the demon of death, and Denji's answer to that question is to go and help Asa without a mask, just by encouraging her. Having just identified the great king of terror as the demon of death, the way to eradicate him also lies in Denji finding solutions not just in Chainsaw Man but in himself and in relying on others. Denji must come to terms with who he is and his isolation.

By setting up a protagonist who, like the former protagonist, experiences repeated bereavements, Fujimoto questions the outcome of grief. Hiding behind Chainsaw Man, isolating himself with Nayuta, is a form of withdrawal. The demon of death is already present in the way Asa and Denji tend to cope with the death of their loved ones.

The door symbol for Denji, the cat for Asa.

That's why this work is a first break. The only way to eradicate these fake Chainsaw Man is through cremation, as this prevents them from using their blood to live again. This explains the immortality of the weapons, following the same logic: human blood constantly feeds a demonic heart capable of regenerating itself.

Denji's first response is to burn. Whether it's to emancipate himself from Chainsaw Man, by burning as a simple wannabe of himself, because Denji fantasises about an identity of which he is not the only possessor.

But cremation is just as much a response as escaping the witches - the isolation imposed by the demon of control - but cremation is also a stage in mourning.

When we see the coffin of a loved one being lowered into the crematorium, it's an unheard-of act of violence, but it also symbolises the fact that there's no turning back, that it's a violent impetus to move forward.

The person who has all the answers to all these facets of grief is none other than Power. Denji must also reclaim his identity as a co-contractor with the blood demon, just as he must reconnect with the painful memory to make the demon his "Buddy" again, but above all, Denji has two little sisters, so he mustn't isolate himself with just one. Blood is the key to regeneration, and she is the key to moving forward.

Fujimoto showed in the last arc how "Chainsaw Man" wasn't a satisfactory answer for his protagonist, so now he's setting fire to what has been established as a bad lead.

Fujimoto burns down all the taboos, all the biases we had about the characters but also the ones they have about themselves.

If Chainsaw Man is to continue as a work of art, the title must be crossed out.

The question is, what will replace it?

#chainsaw man #csm part 2 #csm #csm spoilers #csm 147 #chainsaw man 147 #quanxi #yoshida #denji #nayuta #makima #power #asa #asa mitaka #barem

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lowkeyrobin · 3 months

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MCYT ; songs that they associate with you

includes tommyinnit, tubbo, freddie badlinu, ranboo, quackity

warnings ; horrible music taste. Did a few for each of them lmaooo. also let's act like dmca doesn't exist on twitch or whatever. if schlatt can play Fleetwood Mac on stream then who cares yk

masterlist

BADLINU

Kiss From A Rose ; Seal

You guys watched Batman Forever together and this song came on during credits. Life changing experience.

You had the DVD version with the music video bonus, that was being replayed for like twenty minutes

He has it on almost every playlist he has

He seems like the type of person to make a private, bad quality edit/music video of you two to it

Goosebumps ; Sorana

Dude this song perfectly reflected how he felt before you guys got together 🙏🙏

Plays this on stream when you're streaming with him for background noise.

Before you get together, he still plays it, just makes sure to not let you know that he feels that exact way about you.

Little inside joke between you two, it's kinda your song in a way

Editors love editing you guys to this song omg. They're always cute as hell too

TOMMYINNIT

FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight) ; Bo Burnham

You guys karaoke-d the shit out of this song on stream with Jack and Freddie.

It became a core memory for him. You were only friends at the time but it kinda made him realize that he wanted to be more than just your friend.

He actually FaceTimed his mom afterwards and she said hello to chat and everything

Little funny moment that he loves to think about

Someday (Remastered) ; Sugar Ray

He found this song on your older music playlist

He plays it a lot and thinks about you

Like daydreams that you're on a warm beach with all your friends and stuff

The song has like a warm, summery vibe to it so all summer he makes sure this comes up on your queue when streaming or in the car or whatever.

You guys probably dance around the living room to this song idk

TUBBO

Where The Lines Overlap ; Paramore

"No one is as lucky as us" REAL.

He cherishes you in his own special way yk?

He thinks he's so lucky to have you when you're surprised you could even pull someone, let alone him

Before you guys started dating, he saw an edit of you two to this song and he religiously watched it LMAO

You're both Paramore fans so this worked out perfectly.

Orange Show Speedway ; Lizzy McAlpine

the guitar sounds exactly how you feel to him if that makes sense

the happy nostalgia/dopamine rush kind of feel makes him all smiley and makes him think of you

he literally fell in love at a car speedway show that you two went to together for a little "first date" vlog so 🙏🙏🙏

it's just perfect idk man

RANBOO

Already Over ; Mike Shinoda

this song reminds me a lot of genloss so yk I had to include it here

but yeah, genloss vibes

reminds them a lot of yours and his genloss characters and their relationships and whatnot

when on set for s2 they listen to this on repeat bc your dynamic is so cool

although the viewers r desperately trying to kill you bc you're kind of at fault for genloss! rans trauma/predicament

they'll figure out that's not totally true tho

White Noise ; James Marriott

"I'd quite like to go home now" mother fucker you are his home :(

you're the "What's the point of having a friend when you're on your own in the end" outlook and they're the "I'll make an attempt knowing that I'll fuck it up" in a /pos outlook

you two go perfectly together

like two puzzle pieces, straight the fuck up

the cutest of dynamics

QUACKITY

Le Jardin ; La Femme

you guys watched Fresh together (10/10 btw)

this song came on halfway through and you soundsearched it and quickly dove into the la femme rabbit hole

he thought it was adorable cause you kind of understood the music but he understood completely

honestly got you into learning Spanish more

he literally only sees you listening to la femme to the point where he's a little concerned

you're just addicted to the paradigmes album you're fine

but he does play this on stream a lot just for you

editors go crazy after figuring out its always being played for you omg

Don't Want It ; Lil Nas X

holy shit this song goes hard

anyways yall always play this to get hyped up

he found an edit of you guys to this song and he thinks about it 24/7

literally the "people in my life should know I am not the old me" and the "wanted happiness, wanted forgiveness" duo

I can't explain it it's just vibes

#lowkeyrobin #badlinu x reader #ranboo x reader #quackity x reader #tommyinnit x reader #tubbo x reader #mcyt oneshot #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader

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enam3l · 1 year

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the godparents (rockstar eddie x reader)

a follow up to baby fever!

4.4k words / PG friendly / fluff / angst /

CW: pregnancy/fertility and it's downsides, if pregnancy is a sensitive topic for you, i'd skip this one!

you can see all rockstar eddie x reader stories and lore at #enam3ls rockstar eddie or the masterlist! and check out my new series love, lola

Eddie doesn't have a clue what you're saying. Your mouth is moving but all he hears is blood rushing past his ear canal. That's basically the only thing he's been able to hear for the past two months. Only vaguely observing his surroundings as he stays stuck in his own head, raging with thoughts and questions. Stuck this way ever since his best friend, Steve Harrington and his partner Marissa had their firstborn. The moment he held Rob Harrington, he was screwed. As Steve had put it 'Eddie Munson has baby fever.'

Actually, Eddie had caught the fever the moment he first saw you interact with a child. A desire to have children awoken but only with you. He'd managed to sit on this secret for a few years now but ever since the gang's latest addition, the fever has raged. Ultimately, he knows now he has to confess to you about what plagues him. Really, Eddie knows he should've mentioned it somewhere between realising he wanted kids and asking you to marry him. But, in his defence, you've never mentioned them and it wasn't worth the risk of losing you.

Each day the secret burns harsher. Now, Eddie sits, on the edge of the bed in his Hawkin's home with a gormless look on his face as he watches you. You're flittering around the bedroom in a pretty, expensive dress, worrying about today. Today was Rob Harrington's Christening. Today Eddie became a godfather and you became a godmother. Subtract one word and his dreams would be coming true.

It's a tug round his neck that brings him back down to earth. You're stood between his legs, tying his tie carefully. Only you know how to do it right, nice and loose, stopping him from feeling like he's choking or looking like a real adult. You tuck the curtain of hair he's trying to hide under, behind his ears.

'You okay, baby? You've been real quiet,' you hum with concern.

He blinks, totally dazed by you. The way your pretty face looks at him all wide eyed and full of love. Oh god, he hopes your kids look like you. He wants to be endlessly tormented by an army of your mini clones.

'Yeah, yeah, sweet, I'm good, I'm...' good lord, Munson, think of an excuse, 'just nervous about today.'

You sit on his lap and kiss the round tip of his nose. He could stay sat like this, being loved on by you forever.

'Oh god, did you have the dream where the priest dropped Rob in the water again because I promise that won't hap-'

Eddie cuts you off with a shake of his curls, although, that dream had been bothering him.

'S'just a big day, isn't it,' he shrugs.

You nod in agreement, thumbs soothing over his freckled cheeks.

'Mhmm, we're gonna be godparents. That's like being appointed to be an aunt and uncle by God... or something?'

Eddie chuckles and softly kisses your lips. Neither of you were exactly religious. Honestly, neither were Steve and Marissa but it just felt like one of those things you're supposed to do. After everything the boys had seen and been through, putting a good word in with the Big Man (or whatever exists) felt like a good precaution.

After speckling his face in a few more gentle kisses, you hopped off Eddie's back and returned to fretting. The Christening present, you had now wrapped and unwrapped several times, was back in your hands.

'Do you think it's okay? I mean will he like it? I know he's too young for it at the moment but when he is old enough?'

You'd chosen the present. With some plotting, Eddie had managed to swipe the signet ring Steve always wore with his initials inscribed. Then, you had it replicated with Rob's initials instead.

'Yes! Sweetheart, it's perfect. More than perfect. It'll make Harrington cry like a baby!'

The thought made you giggle. Steve had been a hormonal wreck ever since Marissa had gotten pregnant. It reached the point where his mood swings outdid the ones of his actually pregnant partner. Eddie knew his reassuring had worked once he saw your body relax. Now, you returned to ensuring not a hair was out of place. Your hair was pulled away from your perfect face that looked fresh with effortless make up. The straps of your dress tied in bows over your shoulders, revealing the expanse of the delicate skin that covered your collar bones. The only downside had been the ban imposed against Eddie marking you up. But, now he saw you stood there before him, it was clear his sacrifice was worth it. The structured silk bodice fitting you perfectly then flowing down just near your knees. It wasn't often he saw you in things so glamorous but soft; it made his heart fizz thinking this was almost a taste of how you'd look on the wedding day that was just a month away.

The church was crammed with Steve and Marissa's loved ones who'd travelled from all over the country to celebrate baby Robert. Attending events like these made Eddie nervous ever since he was outcast kid however now he sticks out more so. He saw the way attendees eyes gazed at the boy of the hour, cradled in his parents arms. Then their eyes would flicker to Eddie - who stood beside them at the altar - and do that classic squint. The do-I-know-him-from-somewhere-oh-wait-is-that-the-one-from-that-noisy-band squint. It was something he never found flattering, always embarrassing. It was one of the first things he'd thought about when Steve had asked him to be godfather; the gawping and whispers taking away from the special day. But Steve and Marissa would have no such thing, aside from Robin and Marissa's oldest brother, there was no one more perfect for godparents.

So Eddie stood at the altar as that became official. Forever grateful you were by his side and understanding his nerves without ever mentioning it. Soft hand gripping his, thumb rubbing calming circles onto his skin. The whole process of baptism was still a little baffling for him. For one, he was unsure why Rob had been forced into what looked like the wedding dress of a small Victorian ghost. Also, he'd kind of lost track of what was going on once he stepped inside the church - just thankful he hadn't gone up in flames. But luckily, he had you. Now, Eddie felt a small tug on his hand as you guided him to where the priest, Rob, Steve, Marissa, her brother and Robin all stood around a little bath of water.

'Are they going to do the spell now?' Eddie whispered in your ear as the priest set up.

His question had clearly been overheard by Robin who stifled a snort whilst you batted him for misbehaving.

'It's not a spell, I explained this to you! You're such a heathen, Munson,' you mouthed back. Quite enough to not disturb the ceremony before you but loud enough that Eddie could hear the tone in your voice that said you better behave, Mister.

Yet, despite his original confusion and gentle mockery, Eddie found himself getting transfixed by the ritual. The soothing recital of prayers by the priest as he dipped a thumb into some ointment and proceeded to mark a cross on Rob's head. Eddie smiled to himself watching as Rob looked around, wide amber eyes just like his dad's, a little confused but pleased to be surrounded by his favourite people.

Then, at the big moment when Rob's waft of hair was wetted, Eddie felt himself quietly gasp in awe with the rest of the room. Knowing the small action symbolised something big. When a small sob began to croak from Rob over the water, Eddie felt himself jerk forward - a built in reaction to protect his godson. Clearly, you felt his movements too as you tugged him back. Soothing Eddie with soft strokes to his arms, mirroring Marissa's to her own son. He felt himself calm as he watched you mouth along to the prayer. A smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye watching your now official godson be swaddled by his parents. Eddie followed your gaze, longingly wishing the pair of you were in Steve and Marissa's position with your own baby. He should've known today would've been more of a struggle than he previously thought.

Finally, the priest announced Robert Harrington as an official mini member of the Church, protected by you and Eddie. The crowd clapping and sniffling at the momentous event. Quickly, the pair of you were shuffled closer with Rob, Steve, Marissa and your fellow godparents, for an array of photographs whilst in the church. A sense of pride filled Eddie as he looked at the beaming grin of his best friend, knowing he'd been part of this moment.

As Rob's gummy little smile was directed at Eddie, he couldn't deny that he was proud of himself as well. Proud that despite everything, his own shambolic upbringing and opportunities to go off the rails, he had ended up being someone people would trust to care for their child. And Eddie couldn't deny that he was good at it and actually wanted to do it. Looking after Rob, hell, even the kids when they were still his little sheepies, gave him a sense of accomplishment unmatched by even being on stage. He couldn't hide it anymore, Eddie Munson knew he would be an amazing Dad and the secret could no longer be contained.

'Let's get one of him with his favourite aunt and uncle!' Steve had cheered, earning an outraged cry from Robin.

A little wriggly Rob Harrington was placed in your arms as the photographer positioned you both. Your fiancé stood behind you, head resting against yours as little fat grabby hands reached up to the pair of you.

'It's a big day for you, mister, huh? Are you excited to get spoilt rotten?' You cooed, slipping a finger into Rob's grasp.

The other fist remained unsatisfied, still reaching out, desperate to grab a ringlet of Eddie's hair. A fascination he'd had since birth.

'You wanna play with your uncle's hair again? We've got to take our pictures first, cutie. I know, I know, I love playing with his hair too,' you giggled.

You looked back, searching for a response from Eddie. Expecting him to be pulling a ridiculous face at his godson but you were met by a blank, dazed look. Inside, Eddie was screaming. Watching you baby Rob so effortlessly. That sweet little voice that was reserved only for him. The way Rob looked so lovingly from you to him, to you again. Eddie wanted, no needed, his own little baby to gaze at you two like that. It had to happen, it was too perfect. Fate was tempting him, giving him a taster of what he could have. Torturing him by having you stood there before him, looking so heavenly in that damn dress, loving that little boy so much. A picture perfect new family but it wasn't Eddie's own... not yet.

'Eds, baby, is everything alr-'

The words fall out as fast as his heart beats. He can't stop himself.

'I want us to have a baby!' Eddie blurts out. Your face drops but not a second passes before the photographer calls out

'Aaaand cheese!'

The bright flash stuns you both but it doesn't erase the way your face dropped. It definitely dropped. It's etch-a-sketched into Eddie's brain for all eternity now. He's not only just ruined a perfectly nice photograph, he's probably just ruined his relationship with his soulmate.

'So cute guys!' Marissa squeals as she approaches. Carefully lifting Rob out of your frozen arms.

'So we're gonna start heading over to the house now to have the part-' Marissa's instructions are interrupted by you.

'Uh, I've got to go. I'll be right back.' Suddenly you've reanimated and are fleeing down the aisles, dodging beloved great aunts and cousins and flying out the Church's exit. Eddie's heart sinks to the pits of his stomach.

'Ok...' Marissa stares wide eyed, 'so I have never seen her move that fast before...'

Now Steve appears beside a baffled Marissa and forlorn Eddie.

'What the hell was that about? Did someone tell her about the weird shrimp thing that Marissa's mom made us put in the buffet?' He scoffs. Marissa shins him.

'Don't say hell! You've just baptised your son! We're in a church, Steven!'

As he rubs at his now aching shin, Steve sees a lost look on his best friend's face he's rarely seen since '86.

'Eddie, man... what's going on?'

The frozen look on Eddie's face suddenly cracks and he crumbles before the couple.

'I think I fucked up real bad,' he sobs.

Marissa finds you back at the Harrington household, curled up in her en-suite. When you fled the church, you took Eddie's car and made your way to the house where the after party would be. You'd hoped maybe you could compose yourself by the time everyone had arrived - you were wrong. Sobs had racked through you non stop for the last half hour. The look you had worked so hard on this morning, now totally disheveled. The fabric of your dress littered with tear drops, stray hairs floating from burying your face in a towel.

'Babe, it's Marissa,' she announces softly with a knock, 'can I come in?'

She takes the croak that comes out of you as a yes.

Instantly, she's on her knees and wrapping her arms around you. Hands gently stroking your hair as you sniff against her shoulder.

'What happened, Y/N? Are you okay?'

You cough, trying to clear your throat.

'D-did he not tell you?'

You felt awful leaving Eddie there, clueless. Sweet face dropped with eyes all wide and wet. But you couldn't process his words then and there, he'd blindsided you.

Marissa sighs, 'yeah, he did but I wanna know how you're doing. What's going on in that head of yours?'

Haphazardly, you shuffle away from Marissa's shoulder so the pair of you sit facing each other cross legged. Holding hands on the cool bathroom floor like you were back at a college house party. But you're not drunken college girls anymore, your friend is a mom and you're engaged.

'We were just taking the picture and he said - he just said, out of no where, he wants one... wants a baby,' you gasp on another sob trying to erupt.

Marissa nods waiting for you to continue.

'I didn't expect it. He's never - we've never...'

She squeezes your hand to stop you from falling into a fit of tears again.

'Would it be so bad... having a baby? You're soulmates, you're getting married next month. You'd be great parents.'

Although she means well, Marissa's words make you break again because she's right - Eddie would be an amazing parent. Any kid would be lucky to have him as a dad and he deserves to have everything he wants.

'No, no, it's just... god, I'm sorry, Marissa. I should speak to Eds first, god. Is he okay?' Your heart aches thinking of causing him distress, you know he'll be sick with worry.

'He's just...' Marissa sighs, 'he just wants to make sure you're okay. What do you wanna do, girl?'

You press your palms to your eyes. Inhale, exhale, repeat. Desperately trying to calm yourself.

'I'm ruining your guys day. It's a happy day. I'm making it sad... I'm failing godmother duties already,' you chuckle mournfully, 'let's go and have a good time for Rob. Mine and Eddie's drama can wait.'

Marissa takes your face in her hands, swiping at your tear stains.

'Are you sure, Y/N? We'd understand if you just want to go home?'

'I'm sure.'

The two of you pinky promise on the bathroom floor, maybe you were still slightly those college girls at heart. Marissa pulls you up onto your feet.

'Okay, trouble,' she smiles, 'but before anything, let's fix your make up. Steve's aunt is such a nosy cow, if she sees those tear stains, she'll be prying all night.'

When you come out of hiding and enter the bustling party, your eyes immediately scan for those big brown eyes. You find them gazing lovingly at baby Rob who Eddie is holding hostage outside on the decking. He looks so perfect like this, a baby in his arms. It's not making things easy for you.

'Hi, Eds,' you announce yourself softly.

He startles, eyes wide and cheeks flustered.

'S-sweetheart, you're back? Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have -'

You wave your hands in protest, trying to stop him before he gets lost rambling.

'I'm fine, I'm fine. I just...' sighing, you take a seat next to him, nerves stopping you from just falling into his arms like you want to. 'Let's just have a nice time for Steve and Marissa and little Rob here... we'll talk about it later, yeah?'

Eddie licks his lip nervously, a hesitant hand attempting to reach out to squeeze your knee. You take his hand in yours, his natural warmth taking over you. Really, you just want to curl up into him already.

'Urm, yeah. Alright sweetheart, whatever you want...'

Eddie's heart sinks throughout the day as he watches you put on a brave face. He knows when you're keeping your feelings locked up. It's impossible for him to ignore that not once does your smile reach your eyes. It eats him up inside that he's the reason you've shut down in a way he's never seen you do before. Repeatedly you find an excuse to slide your hand out of his, making up a reason to busy yourself. When the dance floor is filled, Eddie can't find you anywhere, not even for your favourite song. Even when it comes to the extravagant white frosted cake Marissa's mom made, it doesn't taste as sweet without you kissing off the frosting Eddie manages to smear over himself.

A part of him really thought his worst fears were just that life long self doubt toying with him. He didn't wholly believe the question of children would have you react like this. He's truly terrified he's done something he cannot take back.

Eddie picks at the leather of the steering wheel throughout the silent car ride. From his peripheral vision, he sees how your gaze never leaves the window. By the time he pulls into the driveway of your home, the silence is gnawing away at him. The worst case scenarios crippling him.

'Do you still want to marry me?' Eddie croaks.

The question cracks all your resolve and the waterworks start again.

'Eddie...' you gasp, 'of course! Nothing could stop me wanting you. I just don't know if I-'

No longer can he hold it all in, Eddie just needs you to know what he was thinking. Needs you to know it's you before anything.

'Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I just dropped it on you like that. I didn't mean to, it's just... I've been holding onto it for so long. Over the last two years, I never thought it but I want to be a dad but only with you! And we'd never discussed it so I never said anything. Then they had Rob and just seeing you with him. I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry it was just too much. But it's only with you. Only if you want it too. I don't need to be a dad...'

Hearing Eddie scramble over his words always tells you when he's distressed. You'd been clueless this whole time that he felt this way and you feel awful for never noticing.

'I don't think I can, Eddie,' you all but whisper.

His face doesn't disguise how his heart clearly drops. She doesn't want kids. The clear disappointment on his face stings so much, you force yourself to look straight ahead through the window-screen. Straight at the home you have together, a home that would sound alive with the footsteps of little Munsons.

'I understand, I guess I should've asked sooner...' Eddie's sounds deflated. The enthusiasm that usually runs through his words, now completely drained away.

'No, you don't understand,' you blurt, 'I don't think I can have kids.'

If it wasn't for the blood rushing past his ears, Eddie would've thought your words just stopped time. Words fail him and he's barely able to muster a croak.

'Did you never notice how we've been together for five years and we've never even had a scare? Baby, we're not exactly safe... but you'd never mentioned kids so I just. I just pushed it away...' you mumble the last sentence, 'I told myself if you didn't want kids then there was no point stressing myself thinking about it.'

You look at the man you love and you feel sick. Heartbreak evident in his tear filled eyes and fallen face. Heartbreak that's your fault.

'Eddie, I'm so sorry. I should've said something. It's my -'

Eddie stops you before you take the blame. Shaking his head profusely before jumping out the parked car and running round to your side. He opens your door, frees you from the seat and wraps you in his arms. The pair of you sniffling into each other's warmth.

'Don't you dare apologise, sweetheart. Come on, please, let's go inside.'

You find yourselves stripped out of the day's formal clothes, seeking comfort in well worn items. Curled up, facing each other on the bed.

Eddie is the first to disturb the quiet.

'So, you had thought about having kids?'

You nod softly.

'Eddie Munson, I'd be stupid not to want to have your babies,' a sad laugh leaving you, 'I've seen how you are with people younger than you. Heard how you looked after Dustin and the gang. Seen how you are with little fans. Then when Rob came along... Eddie, how could I not? You'd be the most amazing dad. But you never mentioned it and with your own family... I just assumed it was an unspoken deal.'

Regardless of the sad circumstances, Eddie can't help but smile.

'You really wanted kids with me this whole time?'

You nod, taking his hand and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles.

'And you wanted kids with me?' You return the question.

Eddie mimics your actions on your knuckles this time.

'Only with you,' he confesses, 'you're the only person in the world I could comprehend having a family with.'

The two of you smile weakly at each other. The beauty of your confessions so overshadowed by the sadness.

'I'd understand...' you begin, heart twinging at what you're about to say, 'if not being able to have kids was a deal breaker. You deserve to have everything you want, Eds.'

Immediately his brow furrows as if you were speaking gibberish.

'No!' He practically spits the words out, 'no, no, no! Never. No.'

Eddie pulls you into his arms, clutching your head into the crook of his neck.

'There is no future without you, sweetheart, you understand? I thought I just had the music and that was a sweet deal until you. Then I found myself for the first time picturing a real future for myself. A future kids like me never thought we got. It's always you before anything, do you understand?'

You nod into his neck. Inhaling the smell of home, something you'd never known until you met Eddie. He presses a firm kiss to the side of your head.

'We're gonna spend the rest of our lives together, regardless. Promise?'

'Promise,' you whisper into his skin, punctuating it with a kiss.

For a while you just hold each other, clinging to your whole world. Then, Eddie clears his throat.

'Do you know, like officially? Has a doctor said something or... are you sure you can't have kids? I mean, it could be me.'

You retract from your hiding place, to shuffle back and look at him. A hopeful glimmer sparkles deep in those brown eyes.

'Well, no...' you confess, 'I was always too scared and because we never spoke about it, I decided ignorance was bliss.'

Eddie hums in thought, nervously toying with the frayed hem of the t-shirt (of his) that you're wearing.

'We can check, y'know... if you wanted to? If you really wanna do this.'

His shyness makes you want to weep. Now it's clear as day how much he's been wanting this the entire time but never wanted to upset you.

'Okay,' you murmur, 'we can check. I want to, I want us to have a family, Eds.'

Finally, he looks up at you and a smile breaks across his face.

'Really?' He marvels.

'Really.'

With your hand you signal just how much you mean it - cross my heart and hope to die. Eddie crushes a deep kiss to your lips, one that relaxes every muscle in your body. It's the first kiss since this morning. Never have you gone so long without kissing each other whilst being in each others company. It hurt to deprive yourself of it. Once you pull apart, you brave the question you dreaded.

'What if the tests or whatever say we can't have kids?'

Eddie shrugs like it's the most casual thing in the world before brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

'I think whatever happens, you're so caring, so full of love... I think we'll find a way to create our own family regardless.'

His words make you sniffle tears for the umpteenth time today.

'The Munsons. Our own little family of misfits?' You smile.

The Munsons. Those words alone leaving your lips instantly heal Eddie's heart in all the ways he's felt it shattered today.

'God,' he groans, 'I can't wait for you to be a Munson, honey.'

His over dramatics make you giggle, your first real laugh all day.

'Just one month left and it's official. Mrs Munson,' you kiss the tip of his nose.

Your sweet affections are overshadowed by Eddie practically howling like a wolf.

'Mrs Munson, Mrs Munson, Mrs Munson. You're killing me here, sweetheart!'

The following giggles are quickly swallowed up by your husband-to-be as he pulls you into a desperate, wet kiss. Your limbs tangle as you lose yourselves in it. Gasping for breath in between repeating Mrs Munson. Mr Munson. Over and over until you pull apart to catch yourselves.

Looking at the man you love, all smitten and loved on, you agree with his earlier thought.

'You're right though, Eddie. We'll do it, no matter how. We'll make the family neither of us ever got to have.'

Just over a year later, you're both proven correct when a little stick shows a pink plus. One Sloane Munson was on her way.

So guys... I guess a wedding is on the horizon?

taglist babies: @whoahoney @lukewearingbeanies @esme-viridian @elysian-chaos @munsonology @mseddiemunson @kreepja @midnightsgetawaycar @littlepotatobeansworld @josephquinncore @oscarisaacwhore @therosietoesy @luvrsbian

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takeme-totheworld · 3 months

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I think what bothers me the most about the "Aziraphale doesn't have religious trauma" argument (which I've seen from many many different people, this is not aimed at anyone in particular) is that it's usually based on the idea that religious trauma = trauma based on being taught to believe in something imaginary, whereas in the GO universe God and Satan and Heaven and Hell are all real.

And like...yes, that's true and I understand where the people who say this are coming from.

But "being taught to believe in something imaginary" is actually not the basis for a lot of what I saw in Aziraphale that I identified so strongly with along religious trauma lines.

You know what things are a hundred percent real?

The church I was raised in and the heavy sway it holds over its members.

Institutional Christianity in general and its influence on the world in general and my country (the US) in particular.

The indoctrination I was subjected to, which was not only about the alleged existence of God, Satan, etc, but was also very much about inculcating us all with a very specific (and harmful) moral framework, and an extremely narrow-minded and tribalistic view toward the rest of society, and intensely harsh, self-punishing rules for being A Good And Righteous Person.

And all those other things, especially the self-punishing moral strictures, have stuck with me far longer and been much more difficult to excise from my brain than the fear of Hell, which I was actually able to dispense with fairly quickly once my brain made all the necessary "oh, this is all bullshit actually" connections.

So when I talk about my personal religious trauma, I'm talking about the trauma I experienced at the hands of a religious institution, which actually encompassed a much broader category of things than "being taught to believe in a scary imaginary mythology." Yes, that was absolutely part of it, and yes, that part was used as the basis to justify the rest of it—but in my case, it was in some ways the least impactful part.

When I see Aziraphale clinging to the belief that Heaven is "the side of truth, of light, of good," I see myself desperately clinging to my love and trust in the basic moral goodness and rightness of the church even when it was measurably harming me. When I see Aziraphale saying things like "it's not for us to understand" or all the weird propaganda about the virtues of poverty in the Edinburgh episode, I see myself parroting real-world ideologies I'd been indoctrinated with growing up, even in the face of factual evidence that life was actually much more complicated than that.

I was taught trust and loyalty toward a deeply harmful institution, I was taught to accept whatever that institution told me was the truth without questioning it, I was taught a bunch of factually wrong and deeply fucked up paradigms about how the actual world of human beings was supposed to work, and I had to work incredibly hard to unlearn all of that. And those are the things I see in Aziraphale that I identify with so intensely and so painfully. And all of those things are also religious trauma.

Anyway, I'm not trying to start an argument about this, just to articulate where I'm coming from. If you are a person who also has religious trauma, who doesn't personally see your experience reflected in Aziraphale, it's totally valid to say that! But to categorically state that it's therefore not religious trauma, or that religious trauma is the wrong metaphor for anyone to use here...just maybe don't do that?

If there's one thing that's become obvious to me in this fandom it's how many different lenses this story can be interpreted through, and it makes me feel icky to see the one that most resonates with me repeatedly and specifically called out as incorrect. By, genuinely, lots of different people, over and over again.

#good omens #aziraphale #personal #religious trauma #religious indoctrination

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ystrike1 · 7 months

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The Blood Moon - By Ruru (8.5/10)

There's a bloodthirsty cult in the north! All of the wives that get sent up end up dissappearing. Our protagonist is their ideal prey. She's the gorgeous but unwanted daughter of a merchant. She gets sold for a price, never to return. Luckily for her one of the monsters hasn't been initiated yet, and he's willing to betray his family for her.

Linnea is kinda weak. She's the weakest part of this story. Just being honest.

She starts out tough and willing to do what is needed to survive, but then she cries, and then she continues to cry. She cries alot.

Linnea must wed the northern Count Mattei. He's on the old side, but he's a perfect gentleman. She thinks she'll be ok. She's never had a real family. The merchant who took her in was just a distant relative who always planned to marry her off for cash. She's a practical lady. Her husband is an aristocrat. She thinks she's lucky.

Count Mattei introduces Aleksis as his son. There's a pregnant moment at the altar. Aleksis and Linnea both feel attraction right away. Aleksis more than her. He is conflicted about the marriage, and he's too afraid to name his feelings.

Aleksis is kind of a coward for a while, which makes him interesting.

Things get bad for Linnea....slowly.

She wants to hang on. She wants to be a Countess, but he's crazy religious. Count Mattei doesn't want a wife. He seems to want a nun. He won't sleep with her, visit her or touch her. He spends all day in a mysterious temple, conducting sermons on religion that Linnea doesn't really understand.

He even whips her, when her soul isn't deemed pure enough.

Strange stories run through the manor. The Mattei family gets special privileges, because the first head of their family helped establish the country. The legends say the first Mattei was a monster. A man shaped thing that ate blood and killed with his bare hands. He made a deal with the first king. The monster offered the king the throne, in exchange for sanity. The ability to live without constantly lusting for gore. The king agreed, and the king created rituals and objects to seal the monster. The monster retained only a fraction of his power, but he was capable of living without killing. His children are the Mattei family. Basically, all of the Mattei's can become real vampires. They have to use The Blood Seed Ritual to remain reasonably sane and human. Becoming a True Vampire is Not A Good Idea. It's torture. Being a vampire for real is too much power, and you're basically nuts forever.

Linnea is one of many wives. She is a sacrifice. Only "pure" women can be used as Blood Seed Sacrifices. It only takes one. The Mattei family is pretty big. They must sacrifice one woman for every vampire of age, or that child will become a real vampire and commit endless killings.

It's a necessary sacrifice, oh...and most of the Mattei family still enjoys torture and blood. They just don't have the insane thirst. Don't feel bad for them. They're assholes.

Linnea isn't actually a "wife" at all. Aleksis doesn't know that, so he tries to defend her when the maids treat her like trash.

Aleksis doesn't know much, but he was also in denial. He never questioned what happened to the wives until he fell in love with one.

Linnea is his Blood Seed.

He doesn't accept it.

He drinks her blood and he saves her instead.

Aleksis transforms and he kills one of his relatives. The story is not yet complete. A promo was released that reveals alot of spoilers. It is what confirms the yandere element of the story. Aleksis starts out more mousy. Struggling with the idea of stealing his fathers bride.

In the promotional spoilers he is much crueler, and he's constantly desperate for her blood. I'm going to assume she has the role of Blood Seed, but she's alive so he must drink from her or face life as a complete monster. The promo chapters also indicate their relationship is incredibly twisted.

After Aleksis transforms Linnea is his excuse. Every bad thing he does is for her. He loves her. He wants her. He wishes nobody else would look at her. He can no longer rely on his family. He's stronger than them. They're idiots willing to harm Linnea, to keep the status quo.

To be clear the cursed members of the Mattei family are powerful. They are still a threat to him, and especially Linnea, but he has a strength boost due to transforming into a true vampire.

He's a mess. He feels guilty because the Mattei line has killed many women to create Blood Seeds. He is clinging to his love for Linnea. He needs it to feel like a good person.

The promo is incredibly interesting. It implies that Aleksis killed Count Mattei, and he is covering up the murder with Linnea as an accomplice. Linnea is attending balls as the Countess, but Aleksis (her stepson) is the one escorting her. The other nobles are not stupid. They behave like a married couple. There's alot of tension. It's great. Most ballroom scenes are boring, but our protagonists really feel morally grey.

The situation is hard.

The Mattei family has produced alot of the countries strongest Knights. The vampire thing makes them dangerous, but it's likely that the government sees them as a necessary evil. Prominent figures immediately notice the discord in the Mattei family, and the fact that Aleksis has white hair. His hair was originally black.

....the original Mattei founder had white hair...

Uh oh.

Linnea dances with a mysterious blond man who hasn't been introduced properly yet. He's someone who knows most of the vampire secrets. He wants to free Linnea fron the cursed north and all of its vampire drama.

There's also some lines that imply Count Mattei might not actually be dead. He could just be incapacitated in his own home. Aleksis and Linnea could be keeping him alive. We don't know, but Count Mattei is most definitely an enemy. He's a hyper religious maniac who enjoys the Blood Seed tradition.

Linnea cries in the middle of the ballroom, because she wants to be free. The blond man offers her freedom, and she wants it, despite her feelings for Aleksis. Linnea cries wayyyy too much, but I respect her desire to survive. It's clear that she doesn't want to live near the Mattei family.

Aleksis promised to protect her.

What if that means he has to let her go?

She is a commoner woman, after all. Not a noble with a stake in the future of the country. She suffers horribly in the Mattei house, despite Aleksis. He is never strong enough to protect her, no matter what he sacrifices.

Their relationship appears twisted beyond repair, despite their feelings.

It's great, but Linnea has to quit it with the water works. I'd rate this a 9 otherwise, but her character needs to be expanded upon. Aleksis gets lots of development and vampire powers. Linnea feels a little too boring in comparison.

#The Blood Moon #yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #monster boy #monsters #supernatural #supernatural romance

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ash-and-starlight · 4 months

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Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

#taking with me into next year Chromorama and The seven moons of Maali Almeida #anyway blease talk to me about your fave books!!#or about the ones in this list!!#send post #books

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neversetyoufree · 8 days

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Just recently found your blog and i love it!!! do have any theories for vanitas' original name? My guess is Abraham, for all it doesn't really fit him, after Abraham van hellsing, who is both a doctor and vampire expert, which I think matches mochijuns naming conventions. Doesn't hurt that it matches with Noe (noah) religiously.

Thank you!! Welcome to the party ;D

Traditionally, I've always said I don't have any strong theories on Vanitas's name—at least none that I actually expect to come true. I think(?) I've talked about this before, but that's not really the kind of theorizing I do? Since right now any name theory is wild guessing and speculation, not elaborating from the text.

That said, I do now have one pet theory that I'm partial to (one I didn't have the last time someone asked me this). I don't actually think this is going to be the case in canon, but for now, I really enjoy the concept of Vanitas's real name being Byron. This is mostly because I think it would be funny, but there are some actual connections too.

Long context short, Lord Byron wrote an unfinished draft of what would have been the first modern vampire story, and then his personal doctor (John William Polidori) took the same idea and fleshed it out into The Vampyre—the actual generally recognized first modern vampire story. But! Polidori's version of the vampire (the version that established a lot of our vampire tropes) was partly inspired by Byron himself. So Byron is sort of this almost-but-not-quite vampire author, writing but also inspiring the tropes of vampirism, which reflects interestingly on Vanitas's relationship to actual vampirism. He's not a vampire, but he's much closer to one than any other human, and in demeanor, he acts more stereotypically vampiric than Noé and many other vampire characters.

Also, Byron is the namesake of the Byronic hero, which Vanitas is a perfect example of. He's brooding, cynical, arrogant, and intelligent, but despite his gloom and self-destructiveness, he has a sort of lonely magnetism about him. Once again, the concept of the Byronic hero is inspired by/named after both Byron himself and the characters he wrote.

As I said, I don't think I'm going to be right about this, as there's a million other theories that could fit just as well, but in the meantime, the concept does tickle me. Polidori's Byron-based vampire even has an especially strong connection to the moon :D.

Anyway, I really like your theory as well. I've noted before that it's interesting that there's no Van Hellsing reference in VnC (or any direct Dracula references at all, save poor dead Mina). It's almost surprising given Dracula is the iconic vampire story. I never even considered that there could be a Dracula reference hidden right there in Vani and waiting to be discovered, but it does make sense. The doctor/vampire expert connection is really fun and fitting! Though I'm afraid I don't know enough about the biblical Abraham to say anything interesting about that aspect beyond what you pointed out there.

#look mom I finally have my very own Vanitas name theory! I'm finally a real theorist!#(lmao)#thanks for the ask!#ask #anon #vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #theory #comparison #vanitas my beloved

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bestworstcase · 5 months

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What specifically makes you say that the Ozpin circle is basically a cult?

not "basically" a cult—it is a cult.

ozpin's inner circle is a religious organization dedicated to safeguarding four divine relics entrusted to their leader, who is literally the god of light's chosen one, until he deems humanity prepared for the final judgment. its notionally secular nature likely exists because ozma figured out that publicly doing this:

“The others cheered in agreement. The man considered. He had wanted to bring people together, and his efforts were finally bearing fruit. The accidental experiment was working, far better than any attempts he had planned in his previous lifetimes. “The people here believe in magic, though many have never seen it,” she said. “If you show everyone that it’s real, that the man with infinite lifetimes has returned as he promised—” [...] “She shook her head. “We trust in you and the fate you’ve laid out for us. We believe in the good of people and our shared responsibility to protect one another and Remnant. So many have heard our stories about you, but now you’re here, in the flesh. Your presence is living proof that everything you’ve said is true. It reinforces our beliefs and commitment to the Circle. Together, now, we will make ready for the final judgment.” [...] “And for a time, all that the woman had said seemed to come true. Many more followers flocked to Circle and their reputation and message spread all throughout Remnant. This was what he was here for, he thought. Perhaps, in the end, he would be able to rest.”

inevitably leads to conflict because, surprise! people don't like being told what to do by eschatological cults!

but ozpin's circle is not in fact secular—ozpin tells his hand-picked loyalists that the gods he serves are the Only True Gods and the whole point is that he's working to fulfill the mandate given to him by the god of light. the huntsmen academies are, inescapably, a religious institution.

moreover ozpin's circle is a cult not just in the broader sense of being religious in nature and dedicated to worship of a particular god but also in the narrower modern connotation of a high-control group organized around a charismatic leader. this is not a matter of interpretation; this is overt text. half the point of pyrrha's arc in V3 is to reveal this fact.

members of his inner circle are expected to work in absolute secrecy and—evinced by the antagonism between qrow and ironwood in V2-3, and the immediate suspicion of lionheart in V5—subject to intense scrutiny by other members against the possibility of betrayal. likewise, pyrrha is deliberately isolated from her peers (primarily through secrecy) and put under immense pressure when ozpin et al attempt to recruit her as their next fall maiden—all without informing her of anything beyond the very bare minimum facts of what they want her to do. "we can fill you in on the details once we know that you're with us."

and like. with the way those scenes in V3 are framed, with the very direct line drawn between ozpin's ruinous paranoia and secrecy and preoccupation with betrayal and ironwood's ruinous obsession with loyalty, and with the whole thing where the narrative continues to highlight how deeply and profoundly traumatized everyone who comes into contact with the inner circle ends up being... like, this is the intended reading. it is so unsubtle.

salem's circle is also a cult in the religious sense—she's, er, very explicitly receiving cult from tyrian and i would argue at least notionally from the others as well—and while it remains to be seen to what extent tyrian's belief that she would send him to hunt down anyone who left is grounded in reality, at a minimum she doesn't bother to do anything about it so the implicit threat is there to keep people in line.

#also like this is a story about a religious war #hrkhgksdh

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 5 months

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You don't know how much I want this character. You don't understand but I just gotta ask

Is This ATSV Character Thai?

aka a crash course in Thai tattooing and Buddhist tradition

Please correct me if I'm wrong - but I was really interested in her tattoo.

And looking at the tattoo they singled out beside her - it made me question:

Is that a Traditional Thai tattoo? Is that supposed to be Sak Yant?

And immediately I saw the opportunity to infodump about Buddhism and Thai cultural tattooing! (And my personal experience with it)

It makes me think that maybe this character was meant to me Thai - because her tiger tattoo resembles the twin tiger Sak Yant tattoo.

If you're unaware, Sak Yant is a type of traumatic tattoo native to Thailand.

Connected deeply to the Buddhist faith, Sak Yant tattoos are specific designs that are claimed to have spiritual power.

Typically done with a traditional needle and stick rather than a machine, Sak Yants are tattooed by a Thai Buddhist teacher, an Ajarn.

Each Sak Yant design grants the wearer fortune, protection, or a virtue relating to a Buddhist value.

Each Yant comes with conditions though.

In order to preserve the spiritual power of the tattoo, the wearer just act in accordance to certain standards of Buddhist teaching - simple things like no murder, no adultery/cheating, no lying, etc.

They say if you do these things, your Yant becomes useless over time.

Many Muay Thai fighters have many Sak Yants, typically for protection - which could be the reason she's wearing herself.

However, that doesn't necessarily mean that she's Thai - for one, the tattoo might not be a Sak Yant.

It doesn't exactly match a true Sak Yant design, however, it's fairly close.

It seems as if the creators mixed the Suea Liaw (left) and Suea Koo Maha (right) designs, combining them to form the unique design for the character.

This would be an interesting choice.

The Twin Tigers are one of the favorites of Muay Thai, as it represents protection, power, and authority, which could be useful to sometime working a bar like her.

However, it also seems similar to the Yant 'Suea Leaw Lung' - tattoo similar to Suea Liaw - except with a raised paw, much like hers. Leaw Lung is said (grain of salt unless you're hearing from a Ajarn though) - to bring positivity and safety to those struggling in life.

So the tattoo might not be a Sak Yant - or it could be a Yant style created specifically by the creators of ATSV (as they may have wanted to avoid using a real one, as they're really hard to do unless you're an Ajarn and know the symbols and language).

And also, not everyone who gets one is Thai - though many who get it are Buddhist.

Like me!

Angelina Jolie is popular for the number of Yants she has on her back.

Angelina is in fact a Buddhist and has raised her children within the religion*.

She, like most other Buddhists, got hers done traditionally, under the hand of a Ajarn.

The one in the center of her back - is actually the one I have as well.

(Angelina's back after her 5th Yant)

Religiously, I am a Theravada Buddhist - though I more focus on the Plum Tree Tradition of Thigh Nhat Hanh.

Theravada Buddhism is the type most prevalent in South East Asia, in contrast with the Nepali and Tibetan Mahayana - which the Dhali Lama belongs to.

I got my Sak Yant done under the hand of an Arhat as well, traditional needle style about 3 years ago in Chiang Mai (Northern Thailand)

The one I have is Yant Putsoorn - the 5 Buddhas yantra.

Although there are many vague ass descriptions of what each Yant means online - my Ajarn personally told me Putsoorn is aimed at raised compassion mindfulness towards yourself and others as well - usually known as loving-kindness.

So she could be specifically Buddhist as well, if the tattoo is supposed to be Yant.

I think the idea is so so cool, because you may see traditional Japanese tattoo designs, many breathtaking , but it's rare you see other forms of traditional tattoo in day to day media!

I really really want to see her in action now! Just to see that tattoo up close. Plus she's so bad-ass!

I was SO SO SO excited to see her tattoo, and I really hope it is one! More Buddhist characters please. You can be hardcore and Buddhist too!

But does anybody have any other theories of what this tattoo could be? Do you know why traditional designs outside of Yant that this could be? Do you agree this could be Yant?

I'm curious!!

* Just a bonus: I wanted to highlight my use of the word religion in reference to Buddhism. Often in the West, Buddhism is reduced to a 'philosohy' or 'a way of life' rather than a legitimate religion. This is reductive. Buddhism is a religion, with monks, nuns, plains of existence, 'heavens' (very different context than Abrahamic - being reborn in heaven actually makes it harder to reach nirvana, because you are tempted by more comfort. Being born on Earth is the easier way to reach nirvana). Buddhism has ceremonies and centuries worth of text and practice - like Sak Yant. Although it is centered in mindfulness, acceptance, and love - and these teachings can be used by anyone regardless of religion - Buddhism is a religion. Just one far removed from the western Abrahamic understanding of religion. You can read and encorporate any of the teachings, it's very very very open. There are no borders between people, and any heart that is open or desiring it can engage with Buddhism as much or as little as they need to. But I think it's important to refer to Buddhism as a religion so the world conversation on religion isn't centered on Abrahamic, Western ideals and history - when in fact there are many loving, kind, and rich religions out there. From Hoodoo, to Sikhism, to Buddhism and beyond :)

#we NEED a Thai spider please!!!#ISN'T THIS SO COOL ISN'T IT #WE GETTING ENLIGHTENED IN HERE #For those curious I'm a ancestoral worshipper (which is common in Theravada)#Spiritually I practice Hoodoo - Religiously I am Buddhist #no proofread lolol #spiderman #atsv #spider man #marvel #across the spiderverse #beyond the Spiderverse #mauro belfiore

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esmedelacroix · 4 months

Text

16 days til' Christmas

figuring out why boyfriend!hobie brown doesn't celebrate christmas ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

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Christmas Eve at Spider Society was always described to be the most depressing thing ever which was not true since Miguel had the whole place decorated and festive to lighten the fact that so many of you are still there making sure that anomalies weren’t destroying the Christmas cheer in other universes.

You didn’t mind fighting anomalies during the holidays. You liked the work you did and you loved the Spiderman-themed con I’m on eggnog art that was being served in the cafeteria.

Everything was perfect for the holidays and you all were having a little get-together on the roof to celebrate. Who would’ve known that Miguel and Peter B were so crazy about Christmas? You didn’t mind because you were right on that boat with them.

You had a mission earlier that day and when you went to med bay, the nurses were dressed up like Santa’s helpers and they had holiday-themed band-aids. You had no idea why anyone told you that Christmas at Spider Society was so terrible if there was so much effort put in to make it fun.

You never questioned any rumor you heard from Spider Knight ever again when you made the mistake of walking up to Hobie’s table with a plate of holiday sugar cookies for the two of you to share with an ugly sweater on.

“Hey Hobie, thought I’d make us some cookies to share,” you said as you slid the plate of reindeer and Santa-themed treats towards him.

Jessica Drew walked by looking at the cookies you had offered Hobie and said nothing more than, “Good luck,” as she patted your back and chuckled to herself.

“No thanks,” Hobie said, sliding the cookies back to you.

“What don’t tell me you don’t believe in Christmas,” you quipped, giving him a playful nudge thinking you made the funniest joke on the planet.

“I don’t,” he replied sternly with the blankest expression.

Your heart dropped and your mouth hung open. There’s no way, he has to be joking. You thought to yourself as you shook your head slowly in disbelief.

“Hobie, that’s not funny cmon. Do you not like sweets? I mean I make the best cookies on the planet. Mayday helped me make em’” you insisted.

“I was being for real mate, I don’t celebrate Christmas,” he sighed, kicking back in his seat, chuckling at your level of surprise and denial.

Holy shit, he was being for real. What am I going to do with that custom electric guitar I got him as a gift?! You thought to yourself.

“I’m sorry, is it some kind of religious difference that I’m just being insensitive about?” you asked thinking that maybe he was Jewish or something(yep you’re going crazy).

“You know how I feel about religious love,” he replied, flicking your forehead. Of course, how could you forget such an important detail?

“Then why? Why don’t you celebrate it? Did you give someone your heart then the very next day they gave it away?” you jested poking fun at him.

“No Christmas is a scam. First of all, there is no proof that Jesus was even born on the 25 of December, it originated from a pagan holiday, it’s a celebration of the Norwegian God Odin, and the government has completely brainwashed America into buying gifts for their loved ones so that they can profit off of the millions of dollars made during the holidays. I refuse to be just a part of a number that keeps the government rich and helps them waste more of their money on our so overfunded military,” Hobie explained.

Hobie was always outspoken and his opinions as much as you hated to admit it, made sense. They made so much sense but Christmas was where he was wrong.

You tried your hardest to just respect his opinions and hold it all in but you couldn’t. “Hobie, you’ve got it all wrong. None of the information that you listed is news to me at all. But I still celebrate Christmas. Want to know why? Because Christmas is what you make of it,” you stated sternly.

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. No offense babe,” he replied.

“It’s not stupid because even if it has been proven that Jesus wasn’t born on that day that doesn’t mean that it’s not bad to have a holiday where you remember and celebrate him if someone were to celebrate Christmas for religious reasons,” you argued.

He hummed and nodded in stumble agreement. “You can have all this talk about pagans and Odin but no one outside of those cultures ever thinks about those two points on Christmas Day,” you said.

“It doesn’t mean that's not still the origin,” he rebutted.

“Even if they are the origin no one ever really thinks about that. I know I don’t. We may be giving the government money but we already do that by simply being alive in this country,” you said.

“If Christmas isn’t about any of the things that it’s actually about then what is Christmas about for you? What do you make Christmas out to be?” he asked.

“Christmas to me? Christmas is a holiday that teaches its participants about the importance of gift giving and the feeling you get when you give a gift that someone loves as opposed to receiving one,” you started.

Hobie continued listening, nodding his head indicating that he was listening to your interpretation of the holiday. He subconsciously picked a cookie up and started eating it entertained by your passion for Christmas.

“Christmas is a time to gather with the people you love most and bake, dance, drink, laugh, and love. Christmas taught me that any gift with thought behind it is a good one. I cherish an expensive perfume the same way I cherish a handmade card. The value of a gift is dependent on the love put behind it,” you continued.

“To celebrate Christmas is to see your loved ones stare at something constantly when shopping and surprising them with it as a gift because nothing feels any better than seeing that smile on their face knowing that you made someone you love so happy that they hug you or give you kiss,” you finished almost tearing up at the happy memories.

“Okay, okay, I can work with that,” Hobie started.

“Really?!” you asked as glitter and heavens sparkled in your eyes with happiness.

“Yes but the government is still tricking us all,” he joked as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side.

“Oh, whatever,” you replied, rolling your eyes as you snuggled in with him.

“I already knew that you were a holiday fanatic so I got you some gifts despite my former reluctance to celebrate Christmas,” he admitted.

“Thank you Hobie, seriously,” you said.

“Now can we go to that Christmas Eve party on the roof or what?” you asked as you took his hand and dragged him to the elevator.

“Ugh, I’ve made it a mission to never be caught at one of these functions,” Hobie nearly whined.

As the two of you exited the elevator together hand in hand it seemed like the whole party stopped and everyone turned to look at the two of you in disbelief.

“Uh Hobie, this is the Christmas party,” Peter B said double-checking to see if he knew where he was.

“It’s all good, he’s not the Grinch anymore! At least not as much as before,” you reassured as you took the drink that Peter B offered you.

“Alright then,” Peter started looking at him skeptically as Hobie nodded at him confirming your words.

“Welcome to the party my friend!” Peter B exclaimed, handing him a drink. Miguel gave the two of you a nod and you spent the rest of the night singing along and dancing to the Christmas songs that Hobie sadly didn’t have the pleasure of knowing the words to.

"How was that for your first Christmas Eve celebration?" you asked as the two of you left the roof.

"It was actually kind of fun. Odin didn't pay a visit either," he quipped.

"Alright enough of that," you said, giving his arm a playful slap.

"Okay, I had a lot of fun. Thank you for dragging me up and telling me about the magic of Christmas," Hpbie finally said.

"You're welcome. I hope you love Christmas even more when you open your gifts tomorrow," you said.

"Gifts" plural? I thought you were the only one that got me a gift," he said confused.

"Me and Miguel get you a gift every year but you're never there to open it. Don't tell the boss man I told you that all he'll do is deny and deny and I will never see the light of day," Peter B said as he attempted to rock Mayday to sleep after all the sweets she had at the party.

For the first time after hearing that news Hobie felt that feeling. That fuzzy little Christmas feeling where it feels like there are fireworks in your heart and you realize that someone saw something, thought of him, and bought it for him as a gift for the sole purpose of seeing his eyes light up on Christmas morning. Hobie was starting to love this feeling. It was a Christmas miracle.

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taglist:

@aripet22

#hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x y/n #astv hobie #atsv hobie #hobie brown #hobie brown across the spiderverse #hobie brown atsv #hobie spiderverse #hobie x reader #hobie my beloved #hobie brown fluff #hobie brown x fem!reader #christmas fluffdown

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0809sysblings · 7 months

Text

Amane, indoctrination, and gaslighting

and why voting Amane innocent would be the best course of action

I've been wanting to write a big post on Amane talking about indoctrination and such. Because I see takes sometimes that make it clear the person doesn't really... Get It.

Most of what I'll be explaining comes from my personal experiences growing up.

Additionally, most of what I say when it comes to outcomes (i.e. "If x happens, Amane will do y") will be based on the assumption that realism, not entertainment, is prioritized in the writing and that there are no major holes in our knowledge of what's going on. Theoretically anything could happen since this is a fictional scenario and we don't know everything when it comes to the world, the cases, and the characters. Not to mention my situation was nowhere near as extreme as hers. So although I probably have a better understanding of it than most people, I definitely can't claim that I know what she's gone through.

Personal anecdotes I add to better support my points will be in the small font (this!) since I don't want them to distract from the main text and so that they can be easily skipped for those who may be worried about being triggered. But if anyone needs plain text descriptions, I'll happily provide them!

!! TW for child abuse, religious abuse, and cults !!

I recommend skipping my personal anecdotes if more detailed discussions about these topics are a trigger for you.

At the heart of "good" (read: successful) indoctrination is gaslighting.

Since gaslighting has been one of the many psychology terms completely watered down and distorted by the internet, I will define it just so we're all on the same page!

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make the victim question their own sanity, sense of reality, or power of reasoning.

Basically, you can't trust yourself. You can't trust your thoughts, your feelings, your interpretations, etc. You become completely reliant on other people (usually specific people who are the ones doing the gaslighting) to figure out what's real/true or not.

Toxic/extremist religious groups like to take gaslighting a step further though. Not only do they make it so you cannot trust yourself to judge what is right or not, they may also teach you that what feels wrong is actually right. You can see where this can start to cause some issues lol.

Anything your gut may tell you that contradicts what the group/cult leaders tell you—"this is wrong!", "this is bad!", "I don't want to do this..."—must be ignored. Because those feelings and thoughts, according to the leaders, are actually the sinful part of you trying to lead the good and faithful part of you astray. They make you question yourself to make sure you never question them.

They will figuratively or literally beat this into you until your first instinct is no longer to listen to your gut and do what it says, but to dismiss it and do what it's telling you not to do. Existing becomes a chronic power struggle between your unconscious mind and your conscious mind. Unfortunately, the fact that you're struggling often then gets used against you as proof that you need to follow their teachings. Because if you're unhappy, then you must be doing something wrong. You just need to have a little more faith, dedicate a little more time to the religion/group, go a little harder into your duties... Only then will you feel better—feel more enlightened.

An integral part in making all this work is isolation. If you don't somehow isolate the members, they may figure out that they're being manipulated and abused.

Now, isolation doesn't always mean purely physical isolation (though Amane is being isolated physically to at least some capacity). Psychological isolation is almost just as powerful. An almost universal psychological isolation tactic used by extremist groups and cults is the "Us vs Them" mentality. We can see this being very prominent with Amane. A lot of things she talks about with regard to the cult involves an Us-vs-Them dynamic. There is "Us", the cult, and "Them", everyone else.

Personally, we were taught that those who weren't believers of our religion were out to get us or will, at the very least, get us hurt/killed somehow. We were told many people wanted us dead just for being believers. You had to be careful and watch out when interacting with non-believers; you couldn't trust them. God was constantly testing you via others, and you had to make sure you stayed faithful.

This in particular is why no matter if you vote guilty or innocent, that itself will not actually do anything to change her beliefs. Voting her guilty will not make her start to feel bad and then question her beliefs. Voting her innocent will not make her listen to us and then question her beliefs. If we make her have any doubt about the cult, that's just proof to her that what we're telling her is wrong and is just another "trial" from God for her to overcome. So, changing her beliefs should not be a factor considered when voting since it's completely irrelevant. Everything can be twisted to support the cult. That's just how it works.

I don't think any amount of punishment will make Amane "come to her senses". I mean... what could we possibly do to her that she hasn't already had to endure? Punishment will likely only escalate things even more. Not to mention that having a bit of a fascination with martyrdom isn't all that uncommon in those who have been religiously abused and indoctrinated. The threat of punishment may only serve to motivate her to double down on her beliefs and behavior. Not to say she wants and likes punishment. It's obvious she's both scared of punishment and wants it to stop. After all, that's most likely the motive behind the murder.

Even prior to Amane's age, I was already fantasizing about being a martyr. A part of me almost wanted to be killed for my religion and community. It was seen as something extremely admirable. The ultimate sacrifice, if you will. We were taught that if given the choice between saving yourself by denying your faith or letting yourself be hurt/killed by standing your ground, you should choose the latter. Of course, I also did not want that to happen at all. It scared me shitless. But we weren't allowed to be scared about that stuff. It was seen as questioning God and the religious authorities, which was completely taboo. So I had no choice but to "want" it.

Isolating Amane is the worst possible thing we could do to her. No one gets better from being isolated, and this goes double for people living in abusive environments. She's been isolated her whole life. The best thing for her would be spending time with the other prisoners without restrictions. The more time she spends around people who have no connection to the cult, the better. Trying to argue with those in cults about why they're wrong and why they are in a cult (because most don't even recognize they're in a cult due to the gaslighting, indoctrination, and stigma) will almost always backfire. The best thing to do is to just be there for them to have someone to interact with who is not a cult member.

The only reason I left the extremist religious community I grew up in was because I made a friend who was not affiliated with it. I don't think I would've been able to see that the conditions I was living in were Not Very Good without that friend. He didn't even really do anything to actively help me. Just learning more about the real world through him was enough to make me start looking closer at my life.

To vote her guilty would be to continue isolating her. Not just physically as the guilty prisoners get restrictions put on them, but it's also an inescapable psychological isolation. Innocent vs Guilty is just another Us vs Them dynamic.

I fear that, if she ends up guilty this trial, she will likely be voted guilty again in trial 3. Her aggression will probably only escalate as she feels herself becoming more and more cornered. And since I know many people are voting her guilty solely to make sure she doesn't hurt Shidou or other prisoners, I can only imagine what the voting will look like for her in trial 3 once she's forced to become even more aggressive to protect herself.

And tbh... I can't imagine that having a prisoner with 3 guilty verdicts will make for all that interesting of a story for them. Not that it would be boring, per se. But having variety would, in my opinion, be the most interesting and entertaining! So, if nothing else I've said has been able to sway those who vote her guilty, then think about the entertainment factor!

Please vote this severely traumatized 12 y/o girl innocent. We can give her so many secret cakes to eat.

#Milgram #milgram project #milgram amane #amane momose #milgram analysis #... i guess?#ミルグラム #yeah im pulling out all the stops for this #tw child abuse #tw religious abuse #tw cults #this is a bit less in-depth than i wanted. but i also have a horrible rambling problem and am attempting to be more concise LOL #ive got shit to say you know? /ref #im so passionate about amane #pls have mercy... free my girl...#im nervous about posting this 😔. not sure why #my social anxiety is horrible. but. i very much encourage discussion and such #for amane i will conquer my demons. they may know how to swim‚ but /i/ know how to poison the fucking water supply

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theerurishipper · 7 months

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Hey I have a question I read some takes that Adrien is a supposedly good liar? How though are there any examples..I always just assumed people never put two and two together with his identity is because he doesn't connect much with the class nor does Gabriel so it made sense in my head. I'm sorry if I don't actually make sense I just assumed that if even one of the classmates kept getting closer with him maybe he'll open up. I thought that'd be Nino but like I feel that he's so much more closer to his girlfriend and with Kagami that scene where she backed him into the wall and she said that wasn't the real him when he did goofy poses made me uncomfortable and sad for him. Marinette kind of disappoints me as a love interest like that time he was in the park on the bench and she decided that this was the perfect time to give him a present made me annoyed like I understood she has such a huge admiration for the guy and will climb mountains for him but I thought she'd get past that and they'd have like a one on one you know a talk. Usually the love interest would start to bond and grow closer but like I feel she's more into the relationship for herself because of this whole fantasy she builds up in her head it's why their relationship kind of a bummer.

I don't think Adrien that hard to get him to open up to but again this is my own opinion. I don't know really I just feel if someone like a teacher, classmate or even Master Fu get him to open up more and more and they start to bond. I feel like all he wants is a relationship to not be so conditional if someone kind enough allowed him a shoulder to cry on or even acknowlege his habits or when he's in a bad mood I think it'd work I ain't sure though. I wish the dude had more male friends.

I don't really get why the classmates just think Gabriel a strict dude when he seems pretty abusive. Marinette especially she knows how strict he is especially in season 5 and the whole adrigami thing and even with Chloe mom lol I think abuse or parental abuse just doesn't register an actual thing in her mind which is weird lol.

I don't watch Miraculous religiously lol I just watch it sometimes so if my takes and memories are wrong please forgive me. I am so sorry for this being a long ask I ramble way to much.

No need to apologize anon! Feel free to ask me anything.

Personally, when I say that Adrien is a good liar, I don't mean lying in the traditional sense. He doesn't do a lot of actual lying (except when it comes to his secret identity), but it's more than he doesn't really reveal his true self to anybody. He doesn't fake his personality per se, but he only shows people the parts of himself that he thinks they will like because he's been conditioned to believe that he has to conform to everybody's expectations of him and be perfect for them. It's why Chat Noir is so different from Adrien Agreste™, because he's always performing in every part of his life. And putting on a mask at all times isn't the best way to connect on a deeper and intimate level with the people around him. I think Adrien's friendships with Nino and Kagami and everyone else is real, and whatever he shows them is genuine, but it's still not all of him, and he still feels the need to hide the parts of him that he feels they won't like. His relationship with Ladybug is an exception (obligatory until Season 4 disclaimer) because while he's still putting on a performance, it's not for the sake of pleasing her.

You mentioned his closeness with Nino, and I always felt that Adrien was more at ease with Nino than anyone save Plagg. He was more relaxed and at ease with Nino in like, Seasons 1 and 2, enough to show a little more of himself, and I got the sense that he was a little more open with Nino. Then Rocketear happened and Adrien pretty much shut down on that front and started to put on the mask even more, and their friendship never was the same after that.

The thing with Kagami is that she was right about Adrien. Chat Noir isn't his "true self," it's a persona based on him acting out in the way he's never allowed to as Adrien. And the model Adrien is a persona crafted based on the demands from his abusive father who expects him to be perfect. Kagami isn't able to see under Adrien's mask, but she's able to understand that he's putting on a front, and she wants him to quit it.

Marinette kind of disappoints me as a love interest like that time he was in the park on the bench and she decided that this was the perfect time to give him a present made me annoyed like I understood she has such a huge admiration for the guy and will climb mountains for him but I thought she'd get past that and they'd have like a one on one you know a talk. Usually the love interest would start to bond and grow closer but like I feel she's more into the relationship for herself because of this whole fantasy she builds up in her head it's why their relationship kind of a bummer.

This is exactly the problem I have with canon Adrienette. Marinette literally doesn't even know that Adrien is putting on an act, and she literally thinks he's perfect. It was so funny to me when Pretension made Gabe out to be so wrong and evil when he accused Marinette of falling wholesale for Adrien's performance, because Gabe was fucking right, damn it.

The problem is that the show never challenges Marinette's view of Adrien. She doesn't have to learn to look past his masks and see him for who he really is, he just up and tells her thanks to an Akuma's influence, and then he spends the rest of the time in Season 5 pursuing her, so she just gets handed her trophy boyfriend without having to put in the effort of getting to know him as a person. The show never wants Marinette to be inconvenienced by *checks notes* learning to see Adrien as a person, and it just wants her to get her dream relationship without an effort on her part to truly understand him. She's not much different from the rest of her class or any of Adrien's fans, because they all just see what they want to see and what he shows them. By virtue of them being the endgame, Marinette should have been special in that she tried to look past the masks to understand the real Adrien once she realized his "perfection" was a front and an act, but she didn't. She remained as delusional about him as she always was and got the relationship dropped in her lap. Thanks, I hate it.

I don't think it's that simple for him to break out years of being conditioned to conform to other people's needs, but the fact remains that, you know, no one even cares. Kagami was literally the only one who cared enough to try and understand him, and even she was made to spend Season 4 as Adrien's bitter ex (not Kagami salt, I love Kagami, this is just writing salt). The rest of the class admits in Felix that they don't really know him, and they never really seem to try to get to know him either. They do care about him, but not that much, you know? Everyone is honestly content to keep seeing him as the perfect guy, and no one tries to see the real him. Like I said, I feel like he was a little more open with Nino in the earlier seasons, and he's more open with Plagg, but that's about it. He was a little more open with Ladybug, but that also went down the drain in Season 4 because of the Ladynoir conflict. It took an Akuma for him to open up to Marinette. I don't blame anyone for falling for his act, but they clearly don't really care to get to know him either. I think you're right in a way, that he would be a little more willing to drop the act if someone tried to understand him, like Nino and Plagg. But no one cares, unfortunately.

Tbf they don't know much about what goes on inside the Agreste household, and they are just kids, so I understand that they wouldn't be able to completely recognize what's going on with Adrien. But the show itself doesn't think Audrey and Gabriel are abusive, and Marinette is basically the mouthpiece for all that, hence the solution is that apparently Chloe and Audrey should just bond, and Adrien should be fed a lie that Gabriel is not a bad guy actually. Marinette seems to have a pretty black and white view of the matter, and since she comes from a loving home, it doesn't really register to her that parents can be so awful. But the show frames Marinette as in the right to push Chloe and Audrey together when what Chloe needs is to get the hell away from that abusive person. It tries to frame her as right for gaslighting Adrien into loving his abuser. It's pretty nasty stuff.

But that's just my opinion. Honestly, I think the best meta on this subject is this excellent post by @fearlessinger. It's a wonderful analysis, I highly recommend it.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #Miraculous Ladybug #Adrien Agreste #Marinette Dupain Cheng #Kagami Tsurugi #Nino Lahiffe #Gabriel Agreste #Chloe Bourgeois #Audrey Bourgeois #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #ML Writers Salt #Marinette Salt #Not really but tagging to be safe #Ladybug Salt #Meta #My meta #Asks

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