#depression thats why they cant support me :(( like.
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AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#waiting for smn is soooo#idk#idk how to feel what to think#anyway asked my friends for advice on it#they were all like u should have a convo abt it. bc like#emotional support is important in a relationship and receiving none of it is bad#like how come we r both having a tough time and yet so far i was like aw theyre having a horrible time theyre dealing w#depression thats why they cant support me :(( like.#im also having a tough time dealing w depression and ive been there 4 them consistently !!! and im sorry but like when i was horribly#depressed like 10x worse than this yrs ago i remember i still did my best to be there for whoever i was dating at the time#but rn its so one sided like im excusing a complete lack of emotional support under the category of mental health stuff#and even tho i told myself it was an explanation not an excuse it was in fact both. it was def an excuse#depression can make it hard for u to be there for others but when theyre ur partner and ur best friend and u cant even respond#to them stating how they feel properly that is bad !! viewing them telling u their current emotion or feeling bc thats what the topic is#as ~putting stuff on you randomly~ is bad!!#like fr whenever i feel sad i have to eat up my feelings and cry on my.own bc im afraid theyre not going to respond well to me telling them#that. its not like i vent or anything either (w/o asking. but i dont even do that) its just#UGHHH IDK#anyway ive been avoiding this convo w them for a while bc i have been trying to be patient and just. wait for them to get better#and maybe someday they would be there for me!! maybe my friends r all the emotional support i need if i feel so bad that i cant keep it in!#but its just not fair on me i think. ive been feeling shit too!!! i forgot that i existed#until i finally told my friends abt it and they were like. relationships r a two way street etc etc#anyway yh#idk how this will go x#taking some time away to collect my thoughts n so are they so
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weird random stream of consciousness, but I'm on mobile so I can't do a readmore
I'm watching new girl and Nick said something about how it sometimes is REALLY not fun to be there for schmidt but u have to do it anyway. and im like...these characters are all so crazy and quirky like. Nick has to be SUCH a pain to be friends with. Schmidt has to be SO annoying. They're all so high maintenance in their own ways and they have to take care of each other....and they do it ?? Like and they don't really consider one another to be burdens even when they need a LOT of help and attention. and it just......makes me think. yk?
like im always..so beyond terrified of asking anything of my ppl bc I don't want to be a burden. i don't want anyone to have to deal w my problems and i always feel really bad and uncomfortable when they do, and they do a lot !! bc I have sooooo much going on. and it's too much for me to handle but im sure it's too much for anyone else :/ but idk. it just makes me wish i was in new girl lmao
#shut up hanna#like and ofc i have my ppl#but i still FEEL BAD#like it feels a lot of the time like im taking more than im giving#and thats bc. i am#but maybe its like in new girl#how sometimes for an episode or even most of a season one of them needs a lot of support and attention#like when Jess is in love w nick and hes w reagan and LITERALLY everyone knows but him#everyone is there for jess yk#idk. i just am tired of needing so much support like god just let me be fine :/#but i have bpd and frequent depressive episodes. and 7 other mental illnesses#which makes me prone to really hard times emotionally at random#but rn im in a new state with a concussion and i dont have my cat and nothing is going right#like i DO need support and i CANT give as much back. not right now#but i would still do anything for my friends fr#and i like to think that when i am doing okay i am a really good friend#but maybe i am just a selfish self centered bitch actually#like the world isnt all about me why am i so self centered#ahhhhhh idk. idk. im going in circles inside my head#i made a new playlist on spotify today so thats what kind of day it is lmao#and i missed my classes again :(
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what if I made an application for people to fill out to become my potential partner that helps me move to canada fbdndnej i dont get how people just meet someone and they start dating. I feel like I need a whole application and review and interview process to try to choose the best candidate ?????? 😅
#i feel like this is probably the most aroace thing ive come up with#but when i only judge people as potential partners by their aura/energy and how it interacts with mine.....#baaically how i feel around someone. if im comfortable and we match well. that makes it hard to know what i want in a partner?#if that makes sense. making an application form and thinking about actual characteristics could help#then the interview judges their energies#getting into canada seems impossible for me because im useless and they dont want me but if i had a partner there#its super easy. no braincells need to die. but it would also be nice to have a life partner too that actually matches me you know#the two friends i live with are partners and im their 3rd wheel but they really want me to live with them#and i cam help their financial situation with working so we can have our own place but another income would also help#why is this so hard. why am i useless with no degree or skills to get a skilled job work visas require#why am i unlovable and undateable and cant just easily scoop up a partner to make it easier#my one friend is on disability so she cant marry her gf so they keep saying i just marry her and get in that way#i am a bad liar and would ruin it but also feel bad because they do want to marry and id ruin the chance if it actually came?#like if laws chnaged and my friend can be on disability and also marry or we got good enough jobs to support her without it?#ugh i hate this. i just want to escape my shitty family and living situation. help their living situation. and LIVE WITH NY FOUND FAMILY#the type found family ive wanted in my for.....my whole life. the thing thats been my life goal since i was a lonely depressed child#byt of course they have to be in canada and im in the US and they dont make it easy to move there at all#lee rant#lee rambles#words
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omg i just read the Ty Lee Azula Katara situationship. Well now of course you need to elaborate on Mai. What's her relationship with Azula and Katara like? does Ty Lee have a similar thing with Zuko and Mai, as her other besties? What is wrong with Mai, bc i get the feeling you've tossed her in a salad spinner as well?
thank you so much. mai is also being whirled around in the salad spinner. miserably, might i add.
mai for me is someone is who is clinging very VERY tightly to the past, and absolutely refuses to deviate from it. ty lee, azula and zuko are her childhood friends? thats IT. thats all the friends she wants or needs. in her mind any change from that past is bad, wrong, and must be reversed back to safe, normal comfort. this is in part because she was happy and innocent and free right up until tom-tom was born - then she was the spare, seen not heard, not understood by her mother, choked into silence, captivity and an intense depressive state. tom-tom's arrival into her life is so bad that mai goes "ah yes, new people? or My People changing into something i didnt expirence before the age of 12? BAD. KILL WITH HAMMERS." and even though she does love her baby brother, she despises the circumstance he brought her. (she's far more like azula than either of them want to admit. they keep seeing glimpses of themselves in the other, like a shattered reflection of what they could have become - silent and meek, or unloved and monsterous. they never talk about it.)
the fire squad is her one and only support network, and she becomes uncomfortably co-dependant. no one else will do. no one else understands. they're comfortable, normal, the shining happy past that she wants to claw back to. she's loved by them, and understood implicity bc of their shared past. thats all she wants. so she's very, very intensely devoted to them, and especially to zuko. her and azula aren't emotional supports to each other, but they are indeed best friends. they both apprieciate each other's loyalty and stability. mai is comfortable with any change that happens around azula - or Her People - because azula is this steadfast, unmoving pillar in her life. azula values mai highly for her skill, intelligence and general disposition. they're the bitchest besties ever who murder for fun.
SO. if she literally cant handle ty lee, azula or zuko changing into something else. at all. then you can imagine her reaction to katara barrelling in and changing up the vibe of their foursome. mai is outright hostile to katara. she's irritable, grouchy, and does her utmost to pretend katara doesnt exist at all. in her mind, katara is forcing their group to change, taking azula away from their terrible little co-dependency circle. change? bad. threaten the new woman with knives. and quickly. make sure azula is apart from that new woman and back in the safe co-dependency circle. if anything changes - if azula changes - she'll turn into dust.
and on ty lee! she DOES. zuko and mai dating isnt too big a deal for her because they still pay attention to her, and the afformentioned co-dependant stability thing overrides her annoyance that they're not looking and seeing her. but if someone flirts with zuko, or mai? its over. shes throwing a tantrum, getting the person to flirt with HER instead, or flirting with zuko/mai. bc WHY is no one looking at her? helloooo???
mai and ty lee get along famously because mai hates change and people, and ty lee gets to hoard mai greedily to herself. its the perfect arrangement, she can farm all the attention she wants from mai and is guaranteed to it. and mai doesnt care about ty lee wandering off to other friendgroups because she always comes back. and it's funny, ty lee makes things not boring.
#takes a bow#the fire squad being terrible means so much to me#the inherent intense co-dependency of four traumatised kids with complicated families and one billion emotional issues#political marriage au#ty lee#mai#ask#starrdio
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RANT ABOUT PEOPLES WEIRD ATTITUDE ABOUT SHANE STARDEW VALLEY INCOMING!!!
saw people complaining about shane today and saying he is a bad and awful husband and they divorced him after seeing his room and that he becomes boring after he starts getting therapy because the interesting thing about him is his struggle with addiction and after you "fix him" what's the point of being with him And just?? Why?? Did you even marry him?? Like?? I dunno, people are allowed to have opinions on characters but so many peoples' opinions are just?? Really bad and rooted deeply in ableism and misconceptions about mental health/addiction and are super saviory??
I have said this a thousand times but you can't fix people. That's literally not how people work. You can, however, be there for people and try and create a safe environment for them to be able to help themselves!! AND THATS EXACTLY EHAT FUCKING HAPPEMS IN STARDEW!! Shane gets help ON HIS OWN because he is being supported by both his family and the farmer. And to see that just fucking fly over peoples heads makes me so mad because DID WE PLAY THE SAME FUCLING GAME?? YOU DONT FIX SHIT!! YOU ACT AS PART OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM!! (Which is very important but like) YOU AS A SINGULAR PERSON CANT FIX PEOPLE!!
I also just hate the "I can fix them" attitude because, at least in this specific situation, the people saying this are the same people who divorce him because his room is ugly or because he is implied to relapse and still is depressed??? It feels like the same thing as when someone has "spread kindness!" or "love each other!" in their bio and then is the most rancid hateful person ever? The room thing in particular makes me mad because LIKE WHAT DID YUOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?? YOU SAW HIS ROOM AT MARNIE'S, WHAT MADE YOU THINK HIS ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO BE ORGANIZED AND SPOTLESS???
Idk like, again, you can dislike Shane and even regret marrying him. He's not very nice to you until you really get his hearts up there so he comes off as rude and abrasive. You don't HAVE TO LIKE HIM!! But so many people just spout hateful shit and it's like god, I hope you never have anyone in your life who suffers from mental illness because even though Shane is a video game character, the stuff you're saying and the ideas you have surrounding addiction and mental health are super toxic and weird and I hope no real person ever has to be subjected to them.
edit (put this in the tags but then wanted to add it to the main post):
#stardew shane#shane sdv#stardew valley#its like also#relapse is often a part of recovery. it doesnt mean the person has given up trying to help themselves or anything it just happens.#and people are so weird for demonizing it or chalking it up to shane not loving you or something??#i cant speak on relapsing based in addiction but ive relapsed on other things and i know that it makes you feel so disappointed im yourself#to on top of that awful feeling have someone who you thought cared about you get mad and make your crisis all about them must be so painful#again like Shane is a character but the things he goes through are incredibly realistic and mirror a lot of peoples real life experiences s#just think before you fucking speak ig#tw: alcholism#tw: addiction#relapse mention#mental illness#rant#cupid.txt#tw: ableism#🌶️
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ive ranted about this to my friend like 3 times this week but ill rant again because im just so fed up and angry.
21st century american capitalism is so dismal. we put everything behind a paywall. you cant exist without paying money and you cant go anywhere or do anything without paying.
you have to pay to be born and you have to pay to survive. if you cant pay to survive, you have to pay to die. theres no escaping it.
most jobs in the usa require a college degree, but a lot of people cant afford to go to college. its honestly infuriating that people cant get the jobs they want because the education is so expensive. why do i have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the government so i can get a job that will probably only barely keep me afloat in todays economy?
why do we pay writers and artists so little when they are one of the most vital parts of society. where would we be without the painters and authors who create beautiful scenes and impactful stories?
weve overcomplicated society so much that you have to jump through so many financial hoops to just, exist. you have to have insurance for everything. everything costs so much. why do i have to pay over 2 dollars for a bottle of water at work? why are the bags of candy 5 dollars?
all of this just makes everyone miserable, no doubt. i had a conversation with 5 other people and all of us have had severe depression/anxiety, had to be medicated, or needed a lot of therapy/not been able to afford it. and im not stigmatizing therapy in any way. if i could afford it, i would absolutely go, but my job doesnt pay much, so even one session would set me back so far regarding money.
the fact that its so normal for 11-13 year olds to start experiencing severe depression is so concerning. its almost like a rite of passage. ask anyone in gen z if they were depressed in middle school and theyll probably say "yeah." thats concerning.
young people's suicide rates have risen over 50% in the past 10 years. 42% of gen z considered suicide in 2021-22. the fact that i know 3 or 4 people (myself included) who have attempted suicide before age 16 or 17 is insane.
we're so depressed about the future and reasonably so. its so bleak. the world is burning, people are killing each other over such trivial things, nobody listens to each other, and the government is just going insane. how badly do you have to screw up to make a 13 year old want to kill themself because they feel like the future is so bleak?
how badly do you have to screw up to prevent so many people from going to college and getting jobs to support themselves?
how badly do you have to screw up to bar people from something as simple as going to the doctor and earning a basic living wage?
and to think that there are still people who think this is fine. there are some people who sit back and say this all makes sense, that it makes sense that you have to pay thousands of dollars for a few stitches in your hand if you have a cooking accident, that you have to insure every last bit of your life, that people killing each other over ideological differences is natural and cant be helped.
america needs to wake the fuck up and get shit done. its destroying its own future. its making the future generation kill itself because of how miserable it is. fucking do better and maybe you wouldnt burn to the ground in a dumpster fire
#rant post#rant#tw sui ideation#tw sui attempt mention#tw mental health#tw mental illness#anti capitalism#everyone is insane :)#american bullshit#gen z culture#gen z shit
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the post seabound lloyd comic for the wip thing? 👀
okay. so this one is.
i need to explain first
before you read. i will say that the ninjago rewrite kai and me have in our heads is supposed to be a little more "mature" than the show. it contains some darker themes and some more realistic behaviors from certain characters.
( this post will contain themes of grief and addiction. trigger warning right here.)
so, my friends and i have recently finished watching seabound (as one does!) and @shadesofvermillionvoid and i...well... we CANNOT stop having ideas about things that would happen in that year gap post seabound and pre-crystalized in our rewrite/headcanons
i saw the first episode of crystalized, and i was like.. hm... i wonder why kai hasnt gone like.. full sad again like he went red shogun last time someone dear to him died.. like thats his sister.. whats up with that
and i went to my friend kai, the one mentioned earlier in this post
and i said... hey. what if... kai. actually got... therapy!
what if, he had promised to himself. that he would NEVER go back to the pain that being the shogun had caused him. what he took a step back and looked at himself and said "i. i need help. this is too much and i need to talk to someone."
so, kai does get therapy (good for him!)
he gets a new job, that of training little kids, because kai loves taking care of kids! thats been apparent this whole time, so he takes up this job that makes him happy!
and kai's.. getting better! he's handling nya's death as well as he can. he has his rough moments but he kept the promise he made to himself and to his family.
meanwhile... lloyd... well.
lloyd isnt getting better. at all. no, in fact, hes going downhill and he's going fast.
he moves out of the monestary for the first time, he abandons his identity, that of the green ninja, he stops being a leader. he stops caring about the things he thinks define him. he stops caring about his family.
he just...cleans windows now.
he can't be responsible for anyone. ever. again.
so well, lloyd knows he needs help too. but hes a little bit more.. uh... sloppy. about getting said help.
he starts taking anti-depressants, just. medicine.
maybe... a little too much of it.
and kai. doesnt know that yet. but he wants to be there for his little brother. they meet one day and he sees how disheveled lloyd looks. he sees how out of it he is and how different hes behaving. and...
well, when kai says the words "Little brother" to this.. broken version of lloyd. Lloyd doesnt take it well. they have a fight, a fight that results in lloyd saying that he's not kai's "brother"
but, kai still tries to be supportive
he messages lloyd every day
he tries so hard even if hes hurt
he cant let lloyd destroy himself like he did
one day he even gets an accidental call from lloyd, and helps him though panic before swiftly leaving the next morning.
and he still texts lloyd every day
hes still trying
until...
well until lloyd stops seeing his texts.
------
FUN FACT! i actually made this to show kai the IDEA i had of it. because as you can see i am HORRID at explaining and i just go on and ramble!! so i didnt wanna do that and this is my only other way of expressing myself. its not a GOOD comic and it was never made to be good. it was just made to show kai what i had in mind BDWJKWDW with lloyd breaking his phone specifically
#ninjago#tw addiction#tw blood#tw injury#tw grief#digital art#art#drawing#twigs art#lloyd garmadon#kai smith#kai jiang#lloyd ninjago#kai ninjago
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its friday night/saturday morning, you know the drill
im sorry
pls gimme more threezo today
i love him and his fluffy curly hair so so so much
MY BOYS
pls tell me what happened to zo
HIM AND HIS WORRIED BOYFRIEND FACE GHRBGHJR
he just wants him to be okay 🥺😭
HE SAID IT
im crying
why do these two have to make me FEEL things?
somehow in my head i read “hes mad as a hatter” in the voice of a little british lad and its very amusing to me and now you know
specifically a little british lad from an old movie where the audio is all crackly and too loud
LOOK AT THE MAN’S HAIR
no i will not shut up about his hair
bro you are not subtle
bro you are not subtle
MY BOY
i know i just watched 1000stars like three days ago, but it always makes me so happy whenever his incredibly but beautifully thick eyebrows appear on my screen.
im just realising how weird that sound
i meant his eyebrows along with the rest of his face
the existence of drake sattabut laedeke makes me happy
thats what i was trying to say
ooo yes i was hoping for more detail on jack’s depression. he really intrigues me as a character
me every day
hell yeah, consent is key, folks
the mattress is on an angle
thats really bugging me
can someone fix that please
surely thats some kind of safety hazard
why doesnt the mattress fit the bed frame
why isnt there some way to keep the mattress in place
what if youre a restless sleeper and you toss and turn and you fall off the bed and you knock your head on it?
if you knock it hard enough you could get a concussion
concussions arent good
they can lead to a lot of bad consequences
people should think more about concussions and concussion consequences when they design beds
concussion consequences is fun to say
concussion consequences concussion consequences concussion consequences, say it 5 times fast
oh yeah that’s right, theyre kissing
i got distracted by the mattress
the group is together!! :DD
i love their group dynamics
but most importantly
THREEZO
i am no longer enjoying the group dynamics
why do they have to fightttt
(i lied, im still enjoying the group dynamics. in fights, people are hurtful but truthful, so fights give a huge insight into the characters which is wonderful for analysis and picking the character apart)
this is the second episode in a row that three has lost his temper on the others a little bit and left the room at the end and zo has said ‘ill check on him’ and followed after him
anyway i love zo for it
he is good boyfriend
he is good friend
he is... hungry i think
^D^
i freaking love this man
bro their relationship is so freaking healthy
zo asks for permission to enter the room
he ignores the response, but only to keep him company. and i suspect that he knows him really well and knows that three should have someone with him, just to be there with him and help him relax
and he tries to bring three’s attention from the thoughts swirling around his mind and onto his physical presence, and three gets a little angry
but he communicates with zo, he tells him that he will answer questions, just not at that moment. he’s telling him that he’s willing to talk and communicate, but he needs time to understand so that he can explain his thoughts and feelings coherently. and he doesnt push zo away, either physically or verbally, so he tells him without words that he appreciates his presence, and he’s glad to have him there. he just cant really verbally communicate what’s going on right now, and that’s okay!
and then zo speaks to him. he gives him words of comfort, affirmation, support. he also provides the perspective of the others, a snippet of an insight into life outside of his own mind. “we all really did our best.”
“just because we lost once doesnt mean we will lose forever” ITS SO COMFORTING AND PERFECT how does he always seem to know the right thing to say
PLEASE THEYRE TOO CUTE
...
you know what im thinking
the msp brainrot is too strong
YIM SE YIM SE YIM SE
NGOW NGOW
anyway
VRJHDF HE SAID IT AGAINNNNN
i couldve gone more in depth about why theyre perfect but it’s 1am and im tired so i wont
“your hug can actually kill me. but im willing to die in your arms, zo” YOURE KIDDING. IT’S TOO CUTE. THEYRE TOO CUTE. THEYRE DESTROYING ME. AAAAAAAAAA VJRENJKR
I KNEW SHE KNEW
SOMEONE HAD TO KNOW AND THAT SOMEONE HAD TO BE AOI
reminding me of tinn’s little head scratch and “what just happened” in episode 4 after he accidentally made sound join the music club via hatred of him
oh hell yes, obligatory beach episode next week
the obligatory beach episode almost always ends up as my favourite episode
OMG THREEZO AT THE BEACH
I CANT WAIT
FINAL THOUGHTS:
im really glad cher and gun have finally figured out their relationship
i need to go to sleep
threezo are the greatest
#quodekash rambles about abaab#abaab#a boss and a babe#a boss and a babe series#a boss and a babe the series#threezo#zothree#ohmfluke#flukeohm#ohm thiphakorn#fluke pusit#mike chinnarat#guncher#chergun#forcebook#force jiratchapong#book kasidet#bookforce#jack abaab#abaab jack#jack's almighty curly hair#drake sattabut's almighty eyebrows
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Just finished watching and reading heartstopper and solitaire (yeah, just now cause my autistic ass wont let me watch new things cause theyre new and if theyre trendy its even worse cause then its like everyone is telling me to watch this or read it and, no, no one tells me what to do) and omfg if this doesn't turn into a special interest (I'd love that) then it'll be an hyperfixiation than later will turn into a comfort show/comic/book, for sure.
I want to talk and SCREAM about it but im lonely af and thats why i have tumblr!
First of all, Tori and Charlie are SO RELATABLE. But like, SO. FUCKING. RELATABLE.
The way they both think about themselves, so negatively, Charlie's anxiety and over thinking, his ocd, the little occasions his thoughts about food shows, how he feels like a burden and guilty for noticing Toris mental health declining and doing nothing (just as she feels guilty for noticing something was off about him but thinking that maybe she was just making thing up).
And then, how pessimistic Tori is, how fucking depressed she is and how CLEARLY AUTISTIC SHE IS. And not only autistic, but lonely. The rest of my autistic headcanons and/or comfort autistic characters, are either not lonely or they really dont care about it or i just dont relate to them and i just know they are autistic. But she is so fucking lonely and she fucking knows it (even with Michael, cause she keeps pushing him away). And it hurts so fucking much. All her quotes about how she doesn't feel part of their friend group or part of anything and how the others "grew" while she got stuck.
Im surprised of how painful and raw these books and comics felt to me without the need of showing triggering scenes, dialogs or even mentioning all their struggles that much. Tori only mentions almost at the end of the book that she wants to die, before that she doesn't even mentions that she feels herself getting bad, its noticeable, but theres no emphasis on it.
Until the end of the 3rd comic eds are mentioned and in the 4th comic, there's just one scene of Charlie when he was impatient, his body is never shown to show how sick he is, there are no cuts, blood or even his scars (this is just in the comics but still). Nothing. And for someone whos been for 6 years in the mental health instagram community, which can be really graphic, triggering and toxic and who, unfortunately, was already online when those pro ana and mia accs where around a lot and so easy to find, while reading i was so surprised of how raw this story was without triggering its audience, but maybe thats cause it was practically like reading my life.
And I love that the story mentions clearly that romantic love cant cure mental illness and as a partner, saving them is not your responsibility, and that one person is not enough support. I absolutely love that. I love everything about this story and I want to talk about it until I get tired.
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also mutt cant end up eating ru btw. he gets frustrated and snaps and is like “bitch please im so tired just let me eat you already” and ru realises mutt thinks hes only been following them to teat them this whole time. jias off doing shit because she had an emo moment and ru’s already super depressed from that because they only wanted to help jia and now they cant. and now everything they thought mutt felt for them is apparently a lie. so theyre like you know what yeah fine. eat me. and mutt’s like “?? sad?? you look sad??” and ru’s like no… im not sad… just stupid… go ahead. so mutt leans in to tear open their neck but he can only end up nibbling and then kissing it — he has no idea why (hes actually learned to empathise and love ru) but he just cant eat them.
he would parts of them if they were ripped off by something else and hes not above licking their blood but he cant kill them. thats his emotional support human
AUGHHH
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thoughsts on edens gardens characters except I think weird sorry if I missed some
Damon
deadass???
I like him I think having more if an antagonistic character as the protagonist is really fun I love that idea sm im excited to see where the story goes sm
I dont think hell die but if he does ill be really fucking mad
the blushing sprite is really cute
Eva
girl idek shes really interesting I wobder if shell be support to damon I think shed make a good support for damon
very good vibes!! I like the whole crow or rvane motif btw I noticed she has more red on her and damon has more green and theyre complismrntary colors sooooo
Jett
I love him sosososo much scooby doo.motherfuckinggggg guy. he has the laugh that ny sibling makes all the time to abnoy me the first time hebdid it I was like "oh my god" still love him tho. he is like art(uro). to me. they should meet
if he dies i think ill be depressed for a few hours and in pain throughout the entire trial unless he gets like executed where ill just sit there like 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨. and then be in pain. like in chapter one if danganronpa lapse
Toshiko
good vibes good energy
face reveal when?!?!?!
if she dies im going to expode and die in a car crash bit the car crash is me exploding and doesnt involve cars
Grace
of course her name is grace
love the colors!! and the visor!!!!!!
when I saw her talent I was like "art(uro)"?!?!?!??! but no.shes the opposite of art(uro). they should meet
Desmond
he seems chill I like him if he asked me if he could borrow five dollars I wou'm let him have five dollars. I would like to go to the beach with him and get icecream after ithink I eould like to be his friend if he was real. I am probably too chaotic for him.tbh
Wenona
im sorry everytime I see her I think "elon musk" im doing her dirty shes so mich better then elon musk
honestly dont hav emuch of an opinion on her tbh... shes there. nice that she feeds people
Diana
so true diana. I have a crush on her. but also thats a massive fucking red flag because everytime ive had a crush on a fanganronpa character theyve turned out fucking ballistic soooooooooooooooo yikes!!!!!!!!!!!
im ngl she is kind of boring. maybe a little bit. idk I cant think of much to say about her
Kai
go girl give us nothing!!! ignore this I just feel like this is something hed say. or grace would say
im ngl he is kinda annoying slightly I found myself getting a bit bothered by him.
love the fit btw I wishi could rock and outfit like that
pwople would be like "you look just like a kpop star" to him
anyways pathetic little meow meow no wonder hes a butterfly
Mark
um if he dies im going to commit homixide 😀😀😀😀😀😀
"call the fire bigrade grace" so true bestie pop off
I fucking love his hat I wonder why people call him nayhem... jett probavly gave him that nickname adorable
I think um him and jett are a bit gay for eachother slightly
Cassidy
I cannot take her seeiously with thsoe goofy ahh sprites everytime she does the fucking sprite thats like "waaaaaugh!!!!!!" I cant help but copy it like "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!!!!!!!" like "WOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHG YEEEPERS CREEPERS"
that one fucking sprite wherre shes kike "hhhhhhhhhhjhhiyhhhhjdjdjdjdj"
shes not my favorite but she gets bonus points because black widow spider and in the second grade I made black widow spiders my personality for a few days so attachment to them
communist mr beast
Jean
no fucking clue what ti say here. why is he always in fornt of thst tree of ignorance huh.
I like hiw everyone has real aninals and then jean is just DRAGON
Ingrid
I do not trust her!!! I think she has serial killer vibes!!!!!!! She seems way too optimistic about all this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suspicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she is going to.kill one or more motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ulysses
I thiught he was gonna be a douche tbh but hinestly im SOOOOSOSOSOOS GLAD HE ISNT I love him.I know ulysses came first but I cant help but be reminded of pascal as in my oc pascal everyytime I look at him. pathetic man
Wolfgang
I posted this then immediately realized I fucking forgot wolfgang difbdjshdvdvdgdhdgd so now im editing my post nobody had to know
um I like thats hes kinda the more protagy role! I think hes really sus thiugh because WOLFgang and hus animals a dheep also he had like the hope speech thing ig. idfk hes
Eloise
I FORGOT ELOISE FUUUUUUUUUUCK
I like her!!!! shes very sweet I love her I want her out of there get her outta here she deserves to be safe and happy
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its weird being kin with a character who is so commonly headcanoned to have NPD (while not having npd), and then having NPD now
like man i Didnt have npd i was riddled with a whole other set of mental health issues lol
"omgg leo isnt DEPRESSED he has NPD and just needs support from his family to validate himself!!" like good for you live your life but also No i Didnt
i acted as the "face man" because a) i didnt have a Niche in the team and b) nobody else really Was the face man
like i didnt have a *role* aside from just being The Fourth Turtle
like, donnie had his tech and raph was built like a tank and also Is Raph i mean cmon, and mikey had his fucken Razzmatazz and i was just sorta
There
Leo, blue guy, red eared slider, liked instant noodles and cold drinks and warm blankets and sorta just
not really A Part of it
like why do you think i took up being the fucking medic? so id be like!! useful!!! so id have something to do to say i was helping!! do you know how taxing it is to go and set bones and be the one to help your brothers after they have their shit rocked by like. meatsweats or something? fuck like im not MAD at them but it was like. a stressful thing. but i HAD nothing else!
i wasnt leader until way later on and no matter what raph would always be the Unofficial Leader. my portals didnt compare to any of the shit my brothers could do. like "oh yeah hey i can make fucking portals" meanwhile raph can a) FUCKING DUPLICATE HIMSELF and b) make a projection of himself thats like 5 times his size
mikey can a) THROW BOATS??? AND BUILDINGS???? WITH HIS FUCKING NUNCHUCKS???? b) yk. make inter-dimensional portals so not even my PORTALS are unique c) FLOAT. EVENTUALLY. d) like. pyro-related stuff i guess.
and donnie's so fucking smart he doesnt even NEED mystic shit!! his tech-bo is like, yaknow, EVERYTHING YOUD WANT out of something called a "tech-bo", he set up all of our lair's tech, he made the heaters, he made AI's with the same capabilities of a human brain, and then add on MYSTICS to that???? holy SHIT. then theres dad who can just Kick Ass apparently despite being a tiny rat-man. april is the most resourceful person i know, casey and casey jr. are both STUPIDLY good with hand-to-hand combat because of fucking course they are. barry is a) physically capable somehow, b) has his stupid fucking vines and c) is an ALCHEMIST. even fucking sunita is more interesting than me!!! like what the shit!
the most I contribute is being a fucking pest!!! my unfunny-streak has CONTINUED into Now, and im just as uninteresting
and all this is stupid because draxum made all of us WITH A PURPOSE. the tank, the strategist, the analyst and the mediator. raph, me, don and mikey. i know, factually im not "without purpose". im part of our stupid, biologically-designed unit. but i cant fucking help myself. what the point of a strategist if the analyst is smart enough to fix everything if something goes wrong. what good is a strategist if the mediator can, again, THROW. BUILDINGS. what fucking GOOD is a STRATEGIST if the TANK can protect everyone!!
"oh but leo! you trapped Him in the prison dimension" it wouldnt have been a PROBLEM if I hadnt let them out in the FIRST PLACE. it doesnt MATTER that i didnt know what it was! it still happened BECAUSE OF ME. donnie had to fucking, idk, INTEGRATE with THE FUCKING TECHNODROME cause of me! mikey fried himself cause of ME! dad and april got hurt cause of me! raph got fucking kidnapped and infected BECAUSE OF ME! if i wasnt a factor, the invasion wouldnt have happened at all, and my whole "planning to trap Prime in the prison dimension + self sacrifice" thing wouldnt have even HAD TO HAPPEN, so that point is WORTHLESS!
i am a """strategist""" that only serves to hurt his unit. and what kind of fucking strategist is that.
-leo (probably from Lemonade Leak i guess) 🔷⚔🌌. sorry for this ask, mpc. probs more venty than you bargained for.
🐸
#fictionkinfessions#fictionkin#leokin#rottmntkin#lemonadeleakkin#mental health issue#canoning issue#food cw#caps cw#demolition cw#ableist language cw#mod party cat
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scars: how many scars does my muse have? where are they located on my muse’s body? how did they get them? what do they look like?
aches: does my muse have any frequent aches? ie, muscle aches, joint aches? how do these affect them from day-to-day?
mind: does my muse have any mental conditions that affect their lives? what are they? how do they handle them? what coping methods do they use most?
You Will Tell Me About Rune
[ooc: asiug,shjdngiuskd,hjgsdg thank u for the ask, this is gonna get long tho lol (also why are u talking in kanaya's quirk lmao?)]
[scars: shes not got too many surprisingly! tho theres quite a few around her hands and arms. mostly burns from raising littie and being clumsy, as well. shes also got some scars from just.. continuously picking at scabs lol]
[aches: shes not got much surprisingly! but she does have carpal tunnel from constantly using computers (and drawing too!) which annoys her to no end, since basically all her fav things revolve around using a computer. shes also got some back aches from shrimping a lot lol but it doesnt effect her that much]
[mind: yes, definitely, absolutely hehe.
shes got adhd, autism, depression and maaaaaaaaaaaybe chronic fatigue syndrome. id have to read more on it, and ive already spent enough hours reading the dsm5 today lmao. also maaaaaaaybe trichotillomania? i know enough about it but idk if i wanna make it canon
it would partially explain her messy hair and also ive literally never seen any character with trichotillomania? ig itd be nice to have the representation... but i dont rly wanna increase the self insert-ness of rune! shes different than me and i want it to stay that way lmao. but some traits overlapping is fine.. idk should i do it? tell me in the comments! dont forget to like and subscribe!
anyway, for coping n such, she doesnt have many specific coping strategies, all the ones shes tried in the past have failed in the end. in general tho, she usually leans on bolt and littie for support, especially during depressive episodes. she also escapes into games n such to help Cope, but it doesnt work all the time since that still requires some energy. sometimes shes burnt out or so deep in depressive stuff that she just.. cant get herself to do it. thats when she leans on littie and bolt the most.
for the social side of things, she doesnt do much actually. shes mostly stopped caring about seeming weird or whatever and doesnt mask too much.. cus of that and her impulsiveness, she can often seem kinda blunt, and doesnt use much nonverbal communication. the little she does use is based off of shows and games she likes lol, tho idk how aware of that she is]
[sdiughksdg u can rly tell which part got my main focus huh. uhhhhh thank u for the ask! and sorry for taking so long .. and making it so long lol. i got kinda distracted and for some reason felt the need to reread the relevant sections in the dsm5 despite having done so like 10 times sdiguhsdg]
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i want help.. but i cant ask for help… i have to be big and do things on my own… but i need help… i need help i need help….. i do wish i had a partner who could help me… my friends.. cant… they are all too dependent like me… i’m the one always offering help to them… sometimes they will help me with big things like moving house but its the little things that i need support in… i have a social worker but he doesnt offer the kind of help that i need… UAAAARGH i want my mother. and i want her to be different and to help me. i wish she’d continued to smother me like when i was little… it hurt so bad when she detached that codependency… its a good thing but i never really learned how to do things on my own…… its not fair. i want my old life back why is it so hard to be here. i feel so alone and it all feels so wrong and it feels like there should be an answer or a solution but i cant see it and everything feels so wrong and i cant move and feel my body like i used to it feels so heavy and wrong and i cant see it i cant feel it it feels so wrong i’m so detached i thought i missed the delusions but i can feel them coming and it feels so wrong… fuck this isnt going to work is it i cant live here. i want to fix this so bad i want to be a real person. nothing comforts me anymore. only maybe my phone. which sucks so bad and is why i cant get anything done. i wanted to puke and cut myself so bad last night for the first time in a long time, i mean sometimes i get those feelings but it was really strong. maybe its a good thing. ive been more impulsive lately and maybe its a good thing. feels like when you start taking meds and finally have the enwrgy to try and kill uourself. i feel so broken though and like i cant move. i wish i had my room again. my soul is fucking disintegrating without four walls to keep it contained. i didn’t realise i was so depressed i guess it caught up with me. i guess this is just one single moment in time and these feelings dont have to be permanent at all i can let them go. i can let them go i can let them go i can let them go. i managedto soothe myself yesterday… but then we had to go out and it was horrible i almost could have had a meltdown in public which NEVER never ever happens. maybe its a good thing too. i think ive been masking less lately. it doesnt feel good though. feels horriblw and embarrassing to be myself. this self. it seems so weak and so tiny and so stupid. i want to live alone. i want help. i hate myself for these contradictions. why have i been the same for so long. why did i let it all go one like i had no power over it. when i always did. it makes me really angry to think how easy it has been to almost give up smoking this past week. its been several years of sameness. will it be this easy when everything else suddenly changes as well ? have i always held the power to do so ? why’d i have to ruin my teenage years like this then ? it feels horrible. it feels cruel. why cant i make better choices for myself why cant i take my life i to my own hands. ?!! its horrible. i wish i was anyone else. i feel so close to understanding everything i need to to make the most of life but i just hold myself back every single step of the way. i hate my family for letting me be like this. they had so much more than me. now they don’t even appreciate it. they just teach me all the wrong things and enable my neurosis. i dont know. thats cruel to say. but its how i feel. i want help but ill never let anyone in becuz i cant make anyone understand me. i know its all my fault. i just don’t know how to fix it. i wish i was anyone else. i want to crawl up into the inside of my own brain and die. like a sick old cat. all alone.
#no one should read this (youre allowed it just is awful) i just need to post it for some reason its not good enough just saving to my drafts#i need this shit out of my head and into tje air#self harm#emeto#sorry let me know if this needs more tags
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i just sort of skimmed through the amphibia intervew. i understand the ending a bit more now, thats its also about sprig being his own person outside of anne, which is cool and all but:
but if sasha, marcy, and anne can grow outside of each other, and find themselves without leaning on one another, and still come back to each other, why can’t anne and sprig? why couldn’t sprig get settled into an independent life and then see anne again 10 years later?
i think the sashannarcy reunion should have been replaced w/ a plantar boonchuy reunion, because the message about not all your wishes being fufilled would essentially be the same. some people come back to you, some don’t. except the plantar’s relationship would fit coming back to each other a lot more. sashannarcy coming back instead of plantars seems boring to me, because their relationship was so clearly about moving on from other people. the plantars was about how you couldn’t always depend on other people.
so a plantar boonchuy reunion would have fit the plot a lot better, imo.
or, the portal could have stayed open, and anne and sprig could have drifted apart naturally. well, not actually drifted apart, but becoming more independent from one another, but still talking if they needed support or just some fun times. sprig wouldn’t have been forced to find his own person, it would have been natural. because both anne and sprig being forced to be independent is repetitive imo. just sayin. and it wouldnt feel like the message of change was super forced. anne would still have people by her side, because irl, some things change but not everything does. am i supposed to leave this show thinking “oh no one day all my friendships and important relationships will go away and i’ll be all alone except for my parents”. especially because this is a children’s show, kids don’t need to be bombarded w/ all that shit.
plus this would fit sprig’s line from all in much better, where he asks anne “what if things change between us?” because things never actually changed between them. there was literally a huge ass brick wall stopping them from seeing each other again. if they could still see each other but chose to be independent, that would have been more impactful. because sprig’s story of independence wouldn’t be the exact same thing as anne’s and it wouldn’t feel as repetitive.
maybe i’m being a bit biased here because i like plantars more than the calamity trio, but its just how i see it. sashannarcy should have drifted apart and they could have made a big emotional scene out of marcy moving, and anne and the plantars should have learnt to not depend on each other so much, but still be able to meet up/meet up again in the future. the calamity trio could totally still meet again, but maybe just not in the episode? it could be confirmed outside of the show.
one thing that i totally agree w/ matt for is how amphibia was anne’s story. sasha and marcy didn’t need to be focused on as much. thank u for saying that matt.
and finally, i promise this is the last thing, no matter how much people say the ending is happy and hopeful, i just don’t see it that way. it just seems very depressing to me because of the fact that everyone close to anne just. leaves. her life. that is depressing, and it doesnt happen irl. in reality, not everything changes all at once and you’re not gonna drift apart and leave everyone important in ur life. especially ur fckin family. come on man how is that a happy ending. i get that anne cant have everything but that doesn’t meet she has to have nothing. matt saying that there are a number of ways they can reunite makes me feel a bit better but. its not canon.
all of these are my opinions. don’t tell me i missed to point of the show, because i’m literally acknowledging them, just putting into a way that I think would have fit the story better. if you think what happened fits the story best, good for u!!! u have the same opinion as matt!!! wow!!! but news flash, not everyone is gonna be like u. matt said himself that the ending is what fit his vision. deal w/ it bro
(also watch me take away sashannarcy reunion from the ending. lets see how u like the finale then.)
#amphibia finale#Amphibia Spoilers#anti amphibia finale#sprig plantar#calamity trio#the calamity trio#anne boonchuy#marcy wu#sasha waybright#hop pop plantar#polly plantar#amphibia
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