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shadowynn · 1 year

Text

| the paradigm complex | three |

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader

genre: yandere!vampire!cult!poly!ateez au

warnings: yandere behavior, some cursing, negative thoughts, cheating, toxic relationships, (like, um, things aren't really healthy here in anyone's relationship except for reader and felix. sorry.)

summary:

They'll do whatever you ask. Anything you need. Anything you want. It's yours. They'll fulfill your every desire and whim. Give you the life you had always dreamed about.

And in exchange, you wouldn't just give them your soul. Oh, no, They weren't demons. What good was your soul when your purpose was better served alive and well? Your soul was nice, sure, but it wasn't all they wanted. It wasn't all they needed. They needed your body, your mind. Your blood. You entirely. Every single fiber of your being would soon be theirs and theirs alone.

The moment you signed that contract, everything would change. For them and for you.

And there was nothing you could do about it.

word count: 8.3k

a/n: i'm sorry it took this long, but i think i finally got this where i want it to be. i'm also laughing at my past self for saying this wasn't going to be serious and not really a novel and more of a series of one-shots, and yet, here i am, writing a novel because apparently i can't write anything else. oops. but, seriously, i hope you all enjoy. and let me know if i missed anyone on the tags or if you want to be added/removed.

| two | three | four |

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You stared at the open trunk of your car, wondering just how the hell you were going to get either box up to your new apartment by yourself. When you had ordered the new mattress and bedframe for your new place, you had been counting on Felix to help you move things in, but then he had called earlier stating he was sick and leaving you by yourself for the day.

You couldn’t blame him. Not when you knew he had been looking forward to this day almost as much as you had, eager for an inside look at The Paradigm and a possible peek at your future coworkers. But the timing of it all couldn’t have been worse for you, having already picked up your new furniture from the store by the time he had called you to let you know. If your situation had been normal, you could have just left them in your car until the following weekend, but you knew that would only put you in a worse situation. One where you might be forced to kiss your new life goodbye before it had ever even started.

Knowing there was an elevator did give you a slight boost in confidence, and you thought you could very possibly get the box that contained your bed frame up to your place. The mattress, however, was a different story. Perhaps you might have been able to do it if you dragged it, but even then, you risked making a commotion and you didn’t want to accidentally damage anything in the endeavor either. The last thing you needed was to make a worse impression than you already had; the fact you had been late to your lease signing still haunted your mind despite Seonghwa’s insistence it was fine.

The only other option you could think of was to ask one of your future coworkers for help. Since you had signed the lease last Monday, you had been added to a group chat with the eight of them, each who had been nothing short of sweet and welcoming to you. And though there had been multiple offers of help extended your way, you hadn’t actually expected to take any of them up on it. You didn’t want to bother them on a Saturday afternoon, especially with such a late notice, but your fear of keeping the boxes in your car for another week only to risk your boyfriend seeing them far outweighed your fear of asking for help.

Running a hand through your hair and doing your best to ignore the anxieties that popped up from the thought, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and opened up the group chat. Your eyes briefly skimmed over the previous messages, unable to keep your cheeks from tinting pink at their content, especially knowing the face behind each name.

They chatted often. Not enough to where your phone was always blowing up, but enough for you to see the clear bond between them, leading to many occasions of you feeling like you were an intruder, not quite familiar with many of their jokes or references. But just when you would begin to wonder if they had forgotten you were there, someone would direct the conversation your way, directly asking your opinion on the matter or apologizing on the behalf of someone else in the chat.

You scrolled past the messages that had come through on your drive over as you hesitated - someone had borrowed one of Hongjoong’s jackets a few weeks ago and had yet to return it - fingers hovering over the screen for a few seconds as you wondered just how to word the message without sounding too needy. By the time you had come up with something and typed it out, you quickly deleted it before retyping something else before deleting and repeating the process all over a second time. This time however, you hit send before you could even think about talking yourself out of it and attempting to move in by yourself to avoid the anxiety asking for help always brought.

Your regret was immediate, and you quickly locked your phone up and slid it in your pocket to avoid seeing any responses the request might pull and wondering just what you were thinking. Your phone buzzed almost immediately, and you froze, wanting to pull it out, and yet, terrified all the same. When it buzzed once again a few seconds later, you slowly pulled it out, preparing yourself for the worst, but finding two acceptances instead. Jongho had been the first to respond with a short, but enthusiastic Me! while Mingi had followed a few seconds later, stating he was also free if an extra set of hands was needed.

There was relief in knowing you would be able to unpack your car this weekend, but the solution had come with its own set of problems. Not only did you still feel like an inconvenience for bothering them on the weekend, but you really didn’t know any of them at this point, and had yet to even meet either of the two who had offered to help you today face-to-face. From your previous experiences with each of them, you were confident you could get along well enough, but it would still be a while before you became comfortable enough around them that you didn’t always feel slightly on edge.

You sifted through a few of the other boxes and bags in your car as you waited for Jongho and Mingi to come, briefly checking your own appearance in your car’s rear view mirror. Now that you no longer needed your savings to rent a place of your own, you had been free to spend some of it on furnishing your new apartment and had spent the majority of the morning out shopping. Besides your clothing, books, and a few other belongings you couldn’t bear to part with, there was little you would be actually taking from your current place and you wanted this place to be as move-in ready as it could be by this time next week. And while you hadn’t gotten everything you needed, not quite having enough on hand to buy any other major furniture pieces besides a bed, you were able to snag some new towels, bedsheets, and enough dishware to get you started for the time being.

Your eyes glanced behind you every so often as you waited, looking out for the two who had stated they were on their way down once you had given them your location. You weren’t sure exactly what either boy looked like, but you did have a sneaking suspicion you would be able to spot them nonetheless. All you had to do was likely wait for the next two attractive strangers to leave the apartment building and you were sure to find them.

And though you did your best to not let your mind dwell there, you found yourself growing self-conscious of your own appearance, checking and straightening your hair up once more in the mirror. You had dressed simply for the occasion, putting your own comfort first, and merely pulling on a pair of joggers, cropped tee, and a jacket that you had since wrapped around your waist from the lingering summer heat. Before, you had at least tried to fit in with the higher class of the complex, but one brief look at the tenants who had just walked inside, and you were swiftly reminded of how much you stuck out here.

You didn’t have to wait too much longer. Just a few minutes later and you found you had been right in your earlier assessment. At the sound of the door opening behind you, you glanced back to find two men walking out, both equally as attractive as the others. The one on the left was tall, just as tall if not taller than Yunho had been, while the other was just a few inches taller than yourself. Something that had been said must have annoyed the shorter one, as he shoved the other as they made their way outside, but a smile was planted on each of their faces and the earlier action done playfully.

Upon seeing you standing by your car, both of their faces instantly lit up and the taller one was quick to wave. His smile was infectious, leaving you to follow suit with your own before returning his wave as well.

“You must be y/n.” It was the taller one who addressed you first as they drew close, holding out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Mingi.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mingi.” Now that you were close, you could see his hair was not black like you had originally thought, but a dark blue. that shone through in the fluorescent lights of the parking garage.

His smile nearly had you melting up close, instantly setting your nerves to rest as you took his hand. So, this was the other doctor who served at the complex, seemingly just as sweet and gentle as Yunho had been. And with his appearance just as young as the former, you wondered if the two had met in medical school. They definitely appeared around the same age as each other.

“I’m Jongho.” The other swiftly stole your attention, his smile just as endearing as the one before. All it took was one quick look and you were struck with the sudden urge to know just what it felt like to be hugged by him, all but craving to be wrapped up in his warm embrace.

“So, you needed some help moving things in?” Mingi asked, snapping the strange spell that had grabbed hold of you in that moment, a slight edge to his tone that surprised you. You turned your gaze back to him just in time to see the look he had given Jongho, not quite angry, nor was it quite frustrated either, but almost reprimanding. But a smile was quick to replace it when his gaze met yours once more, leaving you wondering if it hadn’t just been a trick of the light.

“Yes, sorry.” Your smile became bashful, once again embarrassed by having to ask for their help. “My friend was supposed to be here with me today to help, but then he came down with something and wasn’t able to make it, so thank you, truly, for your help. I really appreciate it.”

You ran your hand through your hair, wondering if you would ever feel completely at ease around any of them. You had no want for any sort of romantic relationship once you finally broke things off with your boyfriend the following week, but the strange attraction you felt towards each of them was enough to keep you on edge, leaving you flustered more often than not, all but craving to get in closer.

“It shouldn’t take too long. I just needed some help with these two boxes,” you motioned to the two larger ones, inwardly cursing yourself. You had never had this problem before, not even with Haneul, who you had been silently crushing on since he had started working with you. “So, maybe just five or so minutes of your time and then you can return back to whatever it was you were doing beforehand.”

“Don’t worry about it. We’re both more than happy to help.” Jongho waved your concern away, moving past you to grab the heavier of the two boxes. “Neither of us were up to anything important. We were just hiding out at Wooyoung’s place while he started prepping for dinner tonight, which he said you are more than welcome to come to as well, by the way.”

“Careful, that’s-” You barely registered the invitation to dinner, more concerned about helping Jongho with the box he was pulling out, but he lifted it with ease, “...heavy.”

You found it impossible not to stare, watching it awe as he shifted the box onto his right shoulder to help support the weight, and unable to keep your eyes from wandering over the muscles on his arms. You had struggled to lift the box into your car earlier, and yet, he had made it look like it was nothing.

Just how much did this guy workout?

“Careful, Jongho,” Mingi’s voice held a similar tone from earlier, breaking you out from your thoughts once more. You were acutely aware you had been staring at Jongho in that moment, and shifted your gaze away, but not before Jongho had caught your wandering eyes out of the corner of his own.

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it.” He waved both of your concerns away, an innocent, yet almost smug smile on his face.

Mingi didn’t seem nearly as amused, but his expression lightened when he turned to address you. “Don’t worry, I can get the other one if you don’t mind getting the doors.”

You nodded, watching in a similar awe as Mingi grabbed the box that contained your new bed frame with just as much ease as Jongho before. You knew you weren’t that strong, but you didn’t think you were that weak either. Sure, you didn’t go to the gym every day, or even every other day for that matter, but you liked to think you had some muscles from casually working out with Felix over the past few years when you had the time.

It took you several seconds to comprehend Mingi’s request, body and mind not quite catching up to what was currently happening until Jongho called for you from further ahead. You shook your head, snapping yourself out of the daze and grabbing a few bags from your trunk before running up to grab the door for Jongho before he reached it.

You didn’t have to direct either of them to your unit. Upon reaching the elevator, Mingi had pressed the button for the sixth floor before you could even think to say something and guided you effortlessly down the hall to where the door to your apartment lay.

“Where would you like us to put them?” Mingi asked as he slid past the door you held open and into the main room. “Upstairs?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, that would be great.”

It felt strange coming back here, once again in complete awe of the space around you. It was more than you could ever dream of, and completely yours. A fact you didn’t think would ever settle completely in your head.

“Hey, y/n, this is your bed, right?” Jongho pulled you from your thoughts, leaning over the banister of the lofted area to address you. “You want us to put it together for you while we’re here?”

“Oh, no, that’s okay. I can get it myself later.” You shook your head, waving his offer away. “I’ve taken enough of your Saturday as it is.”

“Trust me, neither one of us minds. And if I’m being honest, you’re really doing us a favor. Hongjoong was trying to rope us into running a few errands for him since we were free and I did not feel like driving around town all afternoon.” Propping his elbows up against the edge, he rested his chin down into his hands. “So, we are now your humble servants for the rest of the afternoon, ready and willing to do whatever you need of us.”

He winked, and you hoped he couldn’t see the blush that tinted your cheeks as you turned your head away and used all your current brainpower to come up with a proper response.

“C’mon, while Jongho starts putting the bed frame together, why don’t you and I get the rest of the stuff from your car?” Mingi didn’t seem to have any reservations about Jongho’s former statement as he came back down the stairs, motioning with his head for the two of you to head back out. “And then we can help him finish when we’re done.”

He didn’t wait for you to agree, leaving you no choice but to follow after him and accept their offer of help.

“So, how long have you lived here?” You asked once the two of you had made it back down to your car, shuffling around some of the boxes to have a better grip.

“I’ve been here since The Paradigm opened,” Mingi replied, taking the heavier boxes from your hands and leaving you with just the new bedsheets and towels to carry. “Hongjoong and I have known each other for a long time, so when he introduced a new business venture he was interested in, I signed right up. The rent was free and it certainly beat the long shifts at the hospital.” He shrugged, closing your trunk for you now that it was empty. “What about you? Have you always lived in the city?”

You shook your head, readjusting the bags in your hands to open the door for the two of you. “I grew up in a pretty rural area up north, but moved down here for college, so I’ve only been in the city for about… three years now, I think.”

“And what do you think about it?”

“City life definitely has its pros and cons, and for the most part, I really do love living here, but I don’t know,” you shrugged, “sometimes it’s just a little overwhelming being in such a big place all on your own.”

“You’re by yourself?” Mingi’s head tilted, surprised by your words. “I’m sorry, I just assumed you had been living with someone else.”

“Well, you’d be right about that. I pretty much moved in with my boyfriend as soon as I arrived, but,” you paused, unsure how exactly to word your current situation, “I guess I've always felt like I was still all by myself.”

“Is that why you’re getting a new place?”

You shook your head. “We’re actually breaking up, so I was in need of a new place to stay.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, but it’s really for the best.” It was hard to meet Mingi’s eyes as you waited for the elevator, fingers nervously fidgeting with the bags in your hands. “The two of us might have been fighting the inevitable for a while, but it’s really something that’s been coming for a long time now, and honestly, as terrified as it makes me being out on my own again, I’m also relieved to finally be able to get away.”

“And why’s that?” It was hard to place Mingi’s expression. He was empathetic towards your situation, that was obvious, but there was something else there. Something more than the vague curiosity he presented alongside it.

You could feel your body freezing up on you, wondering if it was appropriate to dump all your past trauma on someone you had just met, but Mingi felt nothing but genuine next to you. His gentle nature all but encouraging you to tell him what was on your mind.

“Well, let’s just say the guy has never learned how to keep it in his pants.” The words rolled out with ease, prompting you to continue. “And I know, I’m an idiot for staying with him through it all this time, but each time I talked to him about it, he truly seemed sorry and willing to change, and it’s not like I had anywhere else to go.”

Your words trailed off, feeling self-conscious over your past attempts. It was so easy to see how foolish you were now. To see how you should have left. To see how anyone in their right mind would have left, and yet, you hadn’t. You had allowed him to convince you to stay each and every time, fully believing everything would work out.

You tugged the bags you were holding closer to your chest, suddenly feeling very small and insignificant in that moment. As much as you knew the problem lay with him and not yourself, you still fought against the lies that told you it was your fault, that if you had only been better, none of this would have ever happened. He would have never cheated on you; you would have never gotten yourself hurt.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dump that all on you.”

“I don’t mind. After all, it’s not good to keep feelings all bottled up inside and if it makes you feel better, I can listen to you rant about him as long as you need.” Mingi’s shoulder bumped against your own as the elevator came to a stop, and you could see his smile reflecting in the doors as they opened, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes this time around. “But I can’t help but feel a little concerned over the fact you’re still living with him over this next week. Are you sure that’s safe?”

“It’s not ideal, sure, but it’s not like I have any other choice. I would have loved to move in as soon as I had signed the lease, but he knows where I work and he would have just come in one day and convinced me to change my mind. He can be very persuasive when he wants to be.” You could feel your body tensing, not quite comfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. It was uncomfortable to talk about this side of your past, embarrassing to see just how easily you had allowed him to manipulate you. “But it’s nothing to worry about. I’ve been with him for the past three years, so I can do one more week as long as he doesn’t catch on that I’m leaving. And despite his cheating ways, he’s never done anything to hurt me. Well,” you frowned, instantly taking note of the lie you had just spoken, “not physically, at least.”

You drove the conversation to its end as you made it back to your apartment, motioning for Mingi to set his boxes on the kitchen counter for now. And while you made your way upstairs to check on Jongho and leave the conversation completely, Mingi excused himself out into the hallway to make a quick phone call once he remembered he had forgotten to list a few of the supplies he had needed Hongjoong to pick up during his time out.

“You want some help?”

Jongho had made some progress in your absence, the majority of the pieces scattered around him in the relative shape of a bed, and you couldn’t help but feel partially guilty for leaving him to do the task for you when it was your bed frame.

He nodded, motioning for you to come over. “If you could hold this together for me real quick, that would be great.”

“Of course.”

You matched his smile as you settled down on the ground beside him to take hold of the pieces he was talking about, and it didn’t take long for you to become aware of how close the two of you were in that moment. Especially, when he leaned in closer to screw together the two pieces you were holding for him.

“Once again, thank you.” You spoke after a few minutes, hoping to alleviate some of the tension you felt from being so close to him, and hating how on edge he made you. It was the same way with the others, and yet, it was distinctly worse around some than others. Jongho’s presence fell towards the latter, and you had a much harder time keeping a grip on your thoughts and emotions around him than you had with Mingi, and yet, one look at both of them was enough for all your solid reasoning to leave your body. “I really appreciate your help.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Jongho replied, arm brushing up against yours. “Like I said earlier, you’re really doing us a favor in return. We were looking for an excuse to be busy until dinner tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, you mentioned Wooyoung was making dinner for you. That’s very sweet of him.” You thought Jongho might have mentioned Wooyoung had also extended an invitation towards you, but didn’t want to make any assumptions in case you had heard him wrong, distracted by the show of strength of the boy next to you.

“He’s just about the only one of us who’s actually any good at cooking. Well, Seonghwa’s pretty decent as well, but he doesn’t enjoy it the way Wooyoung does, nor is he as willing to share with the rest of us. Woo usually hosts a dinner once or twice a week, but you’ll definitely have to watch out for him,” Jongho continued. “Baking is pretty much that man’s love language and he’ll load you with more goods and sweets then you’ll know what to do with.”

“Oh, well, if that’s how he is, I guess it’s a good thing I have a sweet tooth.”

The words were out before you could stop them, and it took you a few seconds to realize just what you had said and how it might have sounded, especially the chuckle it had pulled out of Jongho. You hadn’t meant anything by it, but as you quickly ran through the words in your head once more, you began to question what exactly Jongho had meant by his statement and if it hadn’t been as innocent as you had first believed. Especially when he was quick to quip back, “You’re not the only one.”

And was it your imagination, or had he shifted closer to you than necessary? Leaning forward into you as he reached around your body to tighten the piece he had you holding.

Thankfully, you were saved from responding when Mingi came up the stairs behind you, though the way he cleared his voice to announce his presence didn’t make you feel any better from the position Jongho had taken around you.

“Fucking hell, Mingi.” Jongho’s string of curses was almost too low to hear, leaving you once again wondering what exactly was going on around you as Jongho straightened back up. His eyes rolled, agitation once again lining his features, or at least you thought it had. One blink and the look was gone, replaced with another innocent expression as he motioned to his left hand. “Sorry, cut myself.” His hand rose to his mouth, briefly sucking on the end of his middle finger to get rid of the blood that had begun pooling on the tip.

You averted your eyes, shaking your head in an attempt to clear it and wondering just what was up with you today. Perhaps you were simply coming down with whatever illness Felix had. You had seen him the day before, after all, so you very well could have caught it from him then; the beginning of a fever clouding your mind and judgment. And yet, your forehead felt cool to the touch when you brushed the back of your hand against it despite the heat that flooded you.

Things calmed down once Mingi joined the two of you, helping you finish putting the bed frame together. Once it was completed, you directed them to where you wanted it to lie before unboxing your mattress and allowing it time to air out before tugging on the set of sheets you had bought.

By the time you were all done, it was nearly five and you were far more exhausted than you expected to be, especially knowing you had the opening shift tomorrow morning. You were supposed to be working it with Felix, but now you weren’t so sure since he had come down with something. You didn’t really have any qualms with the rest of your coworkers, nor with your managers, but working with Felix was always a lot less exhausting than working a shift with anyone else.

“Thank you again for helping me out,” you said as you made your way back downstairs, rolling out the kinks in your back. “I really appreciate all your help and I don’t mean to seem rude, but I should probably get ready to head back to my place soon.”

“You’re not going to stay for dinner?” Jongho asked, seemingly disappointed as he reminded you of the offer he had extended towards you earlier in the day.

“Oh, right.”

You had forgotten about the invitation until now, and quickly debated over what you should do. On one hand, you were exhausted and craved an evening to yourself, but on the other hand, you didn’t want to seem rude and turn down the offer either. It would be good to get to know them and the others a bit better, and if you wanted everything here to go smoothly as possible, it would be best to get on good terms with each of them.

“If you’re sure I wouldn’t be interrupting anything, I’d love to join you, but I probably can’t stay too long. I have work tomorrow morning and a fairly long drive back to my place.”

And with reassurances your presence was more than welcomed, you followed them out of your apartment and down to the floor beneath yours where Wooyoung’s own unit lay. The door was unlocked, and neither boy even bothered knocking and made their way inside as though it was their own apartment. You followed behind a bit more hesitantly, slipping off your shoes at the doorway and pushing them to the side.

The layout to Wooyoung’s place was vastly different from yours, having actual bedrooms towards the back instead of a lofted studio like your own. A large kitchen was directly to your right, which then flowed directly into a small dining room with a view of the city behind it, while the living area was to your left.

Wooyoung was busy in the kitchen upon your arrival, and you could faintly make out two figures sprawled out on the couch playing what looked to be Super Smash Bros.

“Oh, y/n, you came!”

Wooyoung was the first to notice your presence, but one mention of your name was all it took for the game on your left to pause and the two seated there to give you their attention as well. Now that their heads were turned towards you, you were able to see it was Yeosang and San seated there.

“Thanks for having me over, and for dinner too.” You returned his smile, shuffling awkwardly at everyone’s attention. “I’ve heard a lot about your cooking and can’t wait to try it.” And if it was anything like the cookies you had earlier in the week or the smell wafting from the kitchen, you knew it probably matched up to the hype.

“Well, unfortunately you’ll have to wait another hour or so before it’s ready and everyone else gets here,” Wooyoung turned as the timer on the oven went off, “but feel free to make yourself at home in the meantime and just let me know if you need anything.”

“Hey, y/n, we have plenty of controllers if you want to join.” Before you could thank Wooyoung, you were being waved over by San and Yeosang, the former waving a controller your way.

“Sure, I’d love to,” you politely excused yourself from Wooyoung as you were guided over to the living room by Mingi, “though I must warn you, I’m not very good. I never really got any of the combos down, so I’m usually just button mashing and hoping for the best.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be the only one,” San replied, motioning to the spot between him and Yeosang on the couch and handing you a controller when you had sat down. “Even the bots can beat Yeosang.”

“May I remind you that we only switched to this game because you got tired of me kicking your ass in Mario Kart.”

“Don’t feel too bad, I’m even worse at that game.” You giggled as Yeosang ended the game he and San had been playing, loading up a new preset for the rest of you to join. “Thankfully, though, I can always do pretty decent in Mario Party. Which is kind of sad, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Well, we have that too if you want to switch.” Yeosang replied, but you shook your head, not wanting to ruin their fun.

“No, this is perfectly fine with me. I might be terrible at it, but I still enjoy playing.” You contemplated which character you were going to pick as you spoke. You had thought about starting with Link, but upon seeing Mingi get to him before you, you decided to just go with your other go-to for the first round.

“Sephiroth, huh?” Yeosang was the first to remark as you solidified your character.

“Mmhmm.” You shifted in your seat, pulling your legs up to your chest as you nodded. “Final Fantasy and Zelda were pretty much my childhood growing up, so I usually tend to orient towards those characters. Well, them and Joker. I never really got into the Persona games like my friend Felix, but I do love his aesthetic.”

It took you a few rounds to get back into the swing of things, having been several months since the last time you had played. You rotated between characters as you went, going from Shiek to Joker and then back to Sephiroth, but it was clear you were nowhere near the level of the others. Occasionally you would beat Yeosang, and even once managed to outlast Mingi, but on most occasions you would be the first one dead, proving your lack of skills for the game.

After a few more games, you decided to take a break, excusing yourself to go check on Wooyoung and feeling a little guilty from all the work he was doing by himself while you played. You weren’t much of a cook yourself, at least not on the level he was, but surely there was something you could do, even if it was just keeping him company for the time being.

He lounged against one of the counters, head buried into the phone he held. As his eyes scanned the small screen, a frown worked its way across his features and his fingers danced across the screen to form a reply to whatever had upset him.

“Can I help with anything?”

His head whipped up at your soft approach, and whatever had upset him was quickly replaced with a smile. With one last glance at his phone, he pocketed it and shook his head. “I don’t think so. Everything’s pretty much ready , so we’re really just waiting for the others to make it back. Hongjoong had some errands to run and it seems they had to make a few detours on their way back, so they’re running later than expected. Can I get you anything to drink in the meantime, though?”

“Water if you don’t mind.”

You took a seat at the island counter as Wooyoung fetched your drink, wondering if you would ever get used to living like this. If you would ever get used to living here at The Paradigm. Despite knowing you now had your very own place one level above, you couldn’t help but feel like it was all some hazy dream. That you would finally wake up and realize nothing had changed because you knew how crazy this whole situation was. It was just too good to be true, and yet, here you still were, seemingly still wide awake.

You chatted idly with Wooyoung as you waited, munching on a small snack he had given you when you had accidentally let it slip that you hadn’t eaten anything all day. You hadn’t meant to skip lunch, but it had just slipped your mind with everything else going on. Yeosang joined the two of you shortly after, giving video games a rest for the night after being severely beaten once more.

The others arrived shortly after, just as the sun was starting to set. You couldn’t help but grow slightly more on edge at their appearance, fully aware of Hongjoong’s and Seonghwa’s position above you in your new job, but it didn’t take long to ease back into a more relaxed state. Well, as relaxed as you could be around them.

Yeosang and Wooyoung kept their positions beside you, while Hongjoong took up the empty bar stool beside you. As you ate, you spoke of your childhood, your family, as well as your interests and how you had ended up in the city. You were aware of the way the attention seemed to be directed towards you, but any time you attempted to direct the conversation elsewhere and ask them about themselves, it didn’t take long for the conversation to drift its way back to you once more. You didn’t mind, not really, having nothing to hide about your past, but you couldn’t help but feel a little bad and hoped they didn’t think badly of the fact you were doing the majority of talking.

It didn’t take long for you to lose track of time, your phone laying forgotten beside you on the counter. It wasn’t until you looked outside and saw the sun had long set that you were suddenly reminded of the fact you still had a long drive back to your apartment. You grabbed your phone to check the time, barely recognizing it was much later than you had anticipated when you noticed several missed calls and a few texts from Felix alongside a message from your manager.

“Is everything alright?” Hongjoong was the first to take note of the confusion that crossed your features as you scanned over the text from your manager, the source of Felix’s concern.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s good. It’s just…” Your words trailed off, trying to make sense of what she had sent you and understanding why Felix had now been trying to get a hold of you. “Do you mind if I go make a call real quick?” You excused yourself from the bar, making your way out of the apartment and out into the hallway for some privacy as you returned Felix’s call.

“Jesus, y/n, do you know how badly you just scared me?” Felix didn’t even bother with a greeting, leaving you cringing as you realized exactly what sort of state he was in. “Don’t tell me that fucking bastard found out you were moving.”

“No, no, nothing like that.” You frowned, understanding how it must have looked from his side, and yet just as lost as he was over the whole situation. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Lix, I really didn’t mean to, but to be honest, I’m just as confused as you are. For some reason Hana texted me an hour ago saying not to bother showing up to work for my last few shifts. I texted her back asking why or if I had done something, but all she’s said is that she just got someone else to cover me.”

“Wait, so she just took you off the schedule and said not to bother finishing up?”

“That’s what it looks like.” You took a screenshot of the conversation with your manager, sending it over to Felix to show him exactly what had been said. “I mean, I guess I don’t really mind. It’s not like I need the money now, but I just don’t understand why she did it without asking me first. You don’t think I did something do you? Something that might have made her mad?”

You had never had any problems with Hana before. Sure, you had your shared frustrations towards the way she managed the store occasionally, but the two of you had always gotten along, at least you thought you had. She had always seemed to appreciate your work ethic and she had never expressed any concern towards you before. But what if something had happened? What if she had overheard one of your conversations with Felix about you wishing you could just finish up this job and move on with your life and had gotten upset over it?

“No way, you were Hana’s favorite, so maybe she just wanted to give you a break.” Felix replied, pushing back any anxieties that had popped up from it. “You’ve covered a lot of shifts for her in the past, so maybe she just wanted to repay the favor here in the end, especially knowing how excited you are.”

“I don’t know.” You leaned back against the wall behind you, still trying to run the situation over in your head. Because of the delicate position you were in, you had only simply told her and your other coworkers you were moving. The only one who knew exactly where was Felix. “Maybe.”

“Well, regardless of what or how it happened, it looks like you now have the week off, so what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.” In all your confusion over what had happened with your schedule, you had yet to even think about what that meant for you or what you might be able to do with it. “I guess I could move in early now, but…” You paused, the weight of the situation hitting you. You had known all along what was happening, and yet, it had never quite hit you like it did now.

“But, what? Don’t tell me you're getting second thoughts about it all again, because if you are, I will drive over to your place right now and drag your ass out of there whether you want me to or not.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” At least you didn’t think it was. You wanted to leave, you did, but why did it suddenly scare you so much? “And I’m not even there right now, so your drive would be wasted.”

“Don’t tell me you’re still unpacking, are you?” You could hear the pity in Felix’s voice, fully aware he still felt terrible for having to bail on you earlier in the day.

“Oh, no. I got some help from Mingi and Jongho and we finished up hours ago.” You quickly waved his concern away. “It’s just that I got invited to dinner and lost track of time.”

“Dinner?” You didn’t have to see Felix to know what expression had crossed his face, and you did your best to hide your blush regardless of the fact you couldn’t see each other.

“No, it’s not like that at all. I guess Wooyoung hosts dinners occasionally, so I just got roped into going as well.” Your body shifted, growing uncomfortable by the inclination his voice had held and lowering your voice. “There’s absolutely nothing going on and they’re just being friendly, Lix. Just friends hanging out with friends, nothing more.”

“Well, at least for now.”

“Oh, come on Felix, it’ll never come to that and you know it.” And despite the teasing tone his voice had taken, you could feel yourself beginning to sink into yourself, realizing how stupid it would be to ever think otherwise. “I don’t doubt that most of them are already in a relationship, and even if they’re not, they wouldn’t be interested in me. I mean, why the hell would they?”

“Well, if you ask me, they’d be dumb not to be.” Felix’s voice softened. “I mean, if I swung that way, I’d snag you right up before anyone else could have a chance to steal you. You’re the ultimate package, n/n. You’re sweet, kind, smart-”

“You’re only saying that because you’re required to as my best friend.”

And he had to be, didn’t he? After all, how could you believe something like that when everything in life had told you otherwise? The only person to ever express an interest in you before had swiftly shown you weren’t worth it and continued to tell you so for years. He had proved that there was something wrong with you, because otherwise, he would have cared enough about you to not break you completely.

“I know it might be hard to believe it at times, but you are worth it, y/n, truly. And one of these days you’ll finally meet someone who will help to teach you that, but for now, you’ll just have to take it from me. And I promise you, I’m not saying any of this because I’m required to, but rather because I believe it.”

“Oh, Felix.” You wiped your eyes, brushing away the tears that had fallen and biting back the apology that fell at the tip of your tongue. You had had this conversation or similar ones enough in the past to know Felix would only immediately refute it, saying there was absolutely no need to apologize. “I don’t know what I would do without you.” You repeated the words you had said to him so often, truly wondering why he had ever decided to become your friend with all the baggage that came with you. In all the time you had known him, he had been a bright light in your life and a steady force that had gotten you through some of the roughest times in your life.

You talked for a minute longer to help lift your spirits back up, confirming with Felix that you were in a fit state to drive and would head back to your boyfriend’s place for the night and start packing up so that you were ready and gone before he came home tomorrow night. You strayed in the hallway for a bit longer once the call was over, attempting to get your emotions under control once more and prayed that your eyes weren’t red from crying.

Taking one last breath and doing your best to compose yourself, you made your way back into Wooyoung’s apartment to thank him, Mingi, and Jongho one last time before heading back for the night.

“Everything alright?” Hongjoong was the first to address you at your return, but you shook off his concern as best you could, fully hoping the smile you wore met your eyes.

“Yeah, it was just some stuff that came up with work.” Your hands fiddled with the end of your jacket’s sleeves, shuffling awkwardly at the eyes that watched you. “Apparently my manager found someone to take the rest of my shifts for the week and was just letting me know.”

“So, you’re now done?” Mingi asked, turning from his conversation at the table with Yunho to address you.

You nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll still need to drop a few things off sometime this week, but I’ll probably do that sometime tomorrow after I’m done packing.” You paused for a moment before continuing, hoping you wouldn’t make things awkward by leaving directly after the phone call. “Which I have quite a bit to do now in a short amount of time, so I should probably go ahead and leave for the night-”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Hongjoong asked, stopping you from heading back to the door when he took hold of your wrist. “You did have quite a bit of wine earlier, and I don’t think it would be safe for you to drive.”

“What are you talking…?” Your head tilted, confused as to what he was talking about. You hadn’t drank anything tonight because you had known you would be driving back home. You had made sure of it.

And yet, now that you thought about it, you weren’t so sure. You didn’t think you had drank anything, but then why was there an empty wine glass next to your plate alongside the faintest memories beginning to pop up of you drinking it. Hadn’t Wooyoung offered you a glass before dinner had begun, and you had accepted thinking it would be fine if you drank it early enough?

God, how could you have forgotten you had been drinking? Were you really that drunk that you had completely forgotten what you had been doing? And how could you, when you could so clearly feel the effects of the alcohol in your system now, leaving you unsteady on your feet. What had you been thinking earlier? You were in no state to be driving. Not when you were now struggling to stand on your own two feet.

“Right, um…” You struggled to get your thoughts together, suddenly aware of how hot it was in there.

“Woah, you okay there, pretty?” It was Yeosang behind you who spoke, grabbing hold of your shoulder to help steady you when you attempted to take your jacket back off, the action leaving you stumbling forward.

He, alongside Hongjoong, who still had a hold on your wrist, used their grip on you to guide you back down to your seat, leaving your vision racing momentarily. When your eyes managed to focus once more, you saw Hongjoong leaning over you, his close presence doing little to calm your racing thoughts, and only serving to scramble them more than ever. And as you looked up into his eyes, all your mind could focus on was how breathtakingly beautiful he was alongside the deep yearning to feel his lips pressed against your own.

“Why don’t I take you back to your room?” His hand brushed the hair out of your eyes, expression painstakingly sweet. “And then maybe we can go over and help you pack the rest of your stuff in the morning when you’re in a better mindset, yeah?”

You didn’t hear exactly what he had said, your brain too scrambled to comprehend what exactly was going on, but you nodded your head in agreement anyways, ready and more than willing to do whatever it was he asked of you.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

taglists in reblogs :)

#ateez #ateez x reader #vampire ateez #ateez fanfic #ot8 x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #mingi x reader #jongho x reader #san x reader #wooyoung x reader #yandere ateez

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uh-wriring · 9 months

Text

Like a Wild Animal

Prompt: You're in an argument with Miguel regarding the situation with Miles. He doesn't know how to deal with things.

Tags: Miguel & gn reader. Angst, grief, he raises his voice, a bit of physical violence.

Drops of rain fell from the clouds above, painting the sky in shades of gray and blue. The rooftop held a kind of beauty, with the smell of water hitting the concrete, birds flying to their homes much like the people bellow on the street.

You’d appreciate the scenery so much more if you weren’t arguing with O’hara, who just raised his voice at you. Not in the “you fucked up in a mission” way, no, much worse. You just touched an open wound, and like a wild animal, he showed his teeth and claws, clearly telling you to stay away.

He wasn’t disappointed, he was defensive.

Suppose that’s what you get for bringing Gabriella up. Or maybe for disagreeing on the “Miles subject.” Likely both, though.

“You know I’m right, Miguel.” You recover your previous poise, the one you held before you tuned out as he screamed. “You know it.”

“Do not compare my situation to this.” his posture tells all you need to know. He’s ready. Alert. Angry. Who were you to even mention his family, let alone mention them in this context.

In reality, he is still grieving. You had been through something so similar, the pain that reoccurs can break a vein in half, shatter your lungs and take you out for a days, but Miguel insisted on keeping on working and looking at old pictures, and he just… He’s grieving.

And grief is an abyss.

One that threatens to swallow even the highest of hearts. You knew the urge to throw yourself into work, to revisit old memories, to keep moving forward just to keep from sinking. And that’s what he is doing.

“This is different. Miles is different.” You say, mouth now aching and throbbing.

“It isn’t.” he turns to the exit, so high and strong, he almost looks fragile. But you continue, pushing through the pain in your mouth.

“We could help him, imagine what that would mean for the society- he wasn’t even supposed to be spider -man, and, if it’s the Spot that’s killing his father, wouldn’t that make his death the consequence of an anomaly- don’t - Miguel!”

The exit door makes a click when opening.

He fucking walked out on you.

You go after him, walking through the pale corridors of the spider society, almost screaming.

“You know damn well this isn’t the same, O’hara!”

He doesn’t answer, he only walks, always walking, always running, always facing but never feeling. Oh how he would hate you for your next words.

“He isn't doing what you did!”

His steps slowed, his back rigid. The words must’ve hit him like a punch to the gut.

He froze, his fingers trembling almost imperceptibly. And then, as if the weight of your words had cracked something open within him, he turned back to you.

The tension in the air was thick, charged with unspoken history.

And then it happened.

His fists collide with you, your body crashing to the ground. The pain was sharp, the taste of copper in your mouth strong, warm, coming from above.

“You don’t know shit about my family.” He looms over you, presence almost suffocating. He could kill you if he so wished. And maybe you wanted to make him wish that.

Your head rests against the cold floor, accepting the physical loss.

“You know what makes people like us?” you ask, “We try, Miguel. We always try. Isn’t this worth a try?”

For a second, a maroon, cloud gazed, second, you catch his eyes shifting from anger to something softer. But just like summer rain, it goes away, and he threatens:

“I won’t let him break the universe more than he already has. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

And then he left.

The corridor was silent, save for the rain hitting the walls and the sound of your ragged breaths. You gingerly touch your nose, your fingers coming away red.

Your words hung in the air. Hopefully you had planted a seed.

And as the rain continued to fall, a steady rhythm seemed to mirror your heartbeat. You contemplated the path ahead. Perhaps Lyla could help.

#atsv #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x male reader #fanfic #miguel o'hara x gn reader #prompt #think of the cake meme think of the cake meme think of t #my writing #one shot #angst #grief

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daddy-suguru · 1 year

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Hi 💕 thank you for tagging me on your 9k event and congrats 🥰!!! I’m gonna go with Suguru + “I want to have my way with you” + a lil bit of overstim kink

ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs | established relationship (dating), high on molly and bud together, cock sucking, overstimulation, begging, safe word isn't used by suguru, drinking his cum, hints at the previous round

sᴜɢᴀʀ’s ʀᴀᴍʙʟᴇs |thank you it's exciting to reach 9k, i love getting to write and share my works with so so many lovely people

Dragging your tongue along the bottom of Suguru's cock. As he grabs his long, pitch-black hair, tugging on his locks. While he ruts his hips up, thrusting half of his cock into your mouth.

Gagging around him as you try to relax your throat. As you twist your fist down the rest of his cock. Till you suppress the urge to gag, slipping him deeper into your throat. Something you've had plenty of practice in doing so over the past three years.

Every loud raspy groan, as he looks down at you with bloodshot eyes, watching you suck him off. As his groans of "Tooomuch! Don't, fuck! Don't stop sucking, you feel so good baby girl. Good fucking girl making cum in your mouth after spilling on your pretty tits." Get louder before thick warm cum spurts into your mouth. Which marks the second time he's cummed since taking the molly.

Rubbing your clit, eager to cum again. As your clit twitches a little from too much attention. Yet you want to sit on Suguru's handsome face and drown him. While his nose rubs your clit.

You had lost count of how many times Suguru had made you cum. Starting with him fingering you throughout the movie. As relax into each other's touch, letting the rising high wash over you.

Suguru's moans slip into his words, "Just because I cummed nng fuck! It's your mouth pretty! feels so nngg! We aren't taking a break yet sweet mama. I want to have my way with you. I can't get enough of you and my pretty princess pussy." Suguru had already taken his time, kissing almost every part of your body. Before kissing either one of your lips.

Leaving your pussy for last, since he wanted to take his time eating you out till you squirted on his tongue. The heavy exhaustion that would come with cumming so hard is brushed aside by the excitement of the tingling high.

The drug in his and your's bodies causes the natural craving you have for each other to grow into desperate neediness. Fixating on each other, unable to focus on anything else but each other by the time the movie finished.

Getting just as high off the pleasure of groping, kissing, and grinding against each other. As you are the molly and bud.

Groaning around him, keeping your slow bobbing pace. While he trembles, jerking his hips. As he slips his hand out of his hair, grabbing a fistful of the blanket. As you take as much of Suguru's cock as you can deep into your throat. Before slowly slipping Suguru out of your mouth with a loud pop, his cock falls onto his stomach with a heavy smack.

Breathing heavily as he collects himself from cumming so hard in your mouth. You keep rubbing your clit building the taunt tension between your legs. Willing it to snap and give you another mind-numb orgasmic peak.

Trailing your kisses up the deep line of Suguru's abs, to his pecs. Where you take a moment to suck on his nipples. Rutting your hips on his thigh, which he flexes beneath you. The hardness of his muscles feels better than your fingers.

Counting your path of kisses up Suguru's neck, along his jawline before pressing your lips to his. And the moment he parts his lips, you slip your tongue into his mouth. Only for Suguru to quickly overpower you.

m.list

Grabbing your hips, guiding your "I can't get enough of your soft tongue, wet pussy, and beautiful body. Not only are you stunning but the way you make me feel, " he kisses you again, "The way you know me so well, looking after me with such understanding, patience, and care." Grabbing his half-soft cock, rubbing the warm tip on your clit.

Suguru continues, "I want to see you walk down the aisle in a white dress made just for you. I've been thinking about it, and we can still do the dinner I planned. I can't hold the question back any longer, marry me, my love." He reaches into the bedside drawer.

Pulling out a book and opening it to show it's hallowed out. With a small black box in the middle. He opens to show an engagement ring with your favorite stone surrounded by little white diamonds on a silver band.

M.list

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olderthannetfic · 15 days

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I come to humbly ask the wisdom of the fic sage about a question of tagging etiquette. "Chose not to use warnings" is for, among other things, surprises and twists that the tag would spoil. Is there any way you can think of to have some sort of tag to the effect of "tags will not include the most recent chapter published?" That is, the most current update is "choose not to use warnings" mode, but when another chapter drops, the tags will be updated for the now-previous chapter?

(cont.) This proposed psuedo-Chose Not To wouldn't kick in until several chapters were already up, with the idea going forward being "if you are jumping in at any point, you have both found the tags already there agreeable and also read enough of the work to expect the TYPE of new thing that might show up, and if you would prefer not to risk being blindsided by something, it's just a matter of waiting one chapter out." Or is this a have cake and eat it too sort of idea for tags?

I guess I would use CNTW from the beginning and put a note at the beginning saying "The specific warnings covered by the CNTW will be added one chapter after the subject matter appears so as not to spoil the plot" or something.

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kittensartswriting · 6 months

Text

BEAR CASTLE CHRONICLES CAST

Faerathos Cor Mantgamia

"Physics makes sense. It's hard and complicated, sure, but if I study it enough, learn enough, there is a truth I can find and understand. Then all the pieces fall into their places. People though..." Faerathos sighed and took a long sip from his wine. "The more I learn, the less I understand."

Faerathos is the oldest child of the previous Duke of Cabalusia, and publicly known to be the only surviving one. After the civil war, where Mantgamia clan was ousted from their power and largely killed, Faerathos was taken as a hostage to the Imperial Court as a deterrent for any surviving sympathizers and especially his uncle, who survives in exile. While he has been imprisoned in the court for 13 years, he is treated as a quest and has been able to pursue his passion in science and become a physicist. He has not been allowed political freedom though, for being labeled as a traitor, but certainly his support for the republican cause is not doing him any favors. He is an utopian dreamer, intelligent, empathetic, stubborn and kind of a mess.

The court, where he is under constant surveillance, was a lonely and hostile environment to grow up in, but he at least has his uncle, his aunt's widow, sir Marcus K'irhinzaham with him. Marcus became his unofficial guardian and has since tried to keep him safe, which turned out to be not the easiest mission. Faerathos is impulsive and prone to self-destructive behavior, which often puts him in less than safe situations. Not least of them committing actual treason and poking around court secrets. Marcus is like a father to him, but his protectiveness often clashes with Faerathos' lack of self-preservation. Faerathos has also found an unlikely friend in the young emperor, Augustus, who also feels like a prisoner in the court under his mother's iron rule. (And who Faerathos may or may not be in love with.) However, he also has an on-and-off affair with Augustus' wife, empress Eirdene, which is very much treason. Augustus' marriage is miserable and he cheats on his wife as much as he has time to, but Faerathos still hates himself for betraying his only friend. Despite that and that the affair itself is very much toxic and definitely not good for him, or perhaps because of it, he still always comes back for more.

He has an insatiable desire to make sense of the world, including the seemingly senseless civil war. His clan was accused of conspiring the murder of the previous emperor, which according to the official narrative, caused the civil war. Faerathos doesn't buy it. And when the events of the war are given a critical look, some questions arise. Why would the Mantgamias kill the aging emperor and risk everything, when a Mantgamia (on mother's side) was first in line to the imperial throne? Why did Faerathos' uncle, who was executed for the emperor's murder along Faerathos' aunt and cousin, leave a cryptic message about knowing too much and a diary with dozens of torn off pages? And most importantly, how and why was there an ancient colossal dragon in the siege of the Bear Castle?

Asking those questions is dangerous business under the authoritarian rule of the empress dowager Verginia. As he dives into the secrets of the court, he finds dangerous magic, assassinations, political power struggles, cults and ancient gods.

Tag list under the cut. Let me know if you want to be added or removed!

BCC tag list: @siarven @worldbuildng @emilyoracle @frvnwrites @kainablue @writingrosesonneptune @contes-de-rheio @faelanvance @outpost51 @dotr-rose-love

#writeblr #writing #my writing #fantasy #writers of tumblr #my wips #my ocs #writers on tumblr #original writing #my characters #moodboard #aesthetics #bcc #bear castle chronicles #faerathos #bcc aesthetics

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high-dragon-bait · 2 years

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I need more banter with Cole.

DA:I didn't give me enough with Solas/Cole/Varric talking about becoming more human or spirit in any combination.

But also, Cole banter with all the DA2 companions.

He and Justice are so unique and Anders always has an opinion on everything.

Fenris would fear hate him, probably.

Merrill would be fascinated, I'm sure.

I just love Cole and I need more of his thoughts.

Ah, Cole. He is so hard but so much fun to write. I went with the DA:2 gang, and snuck in Isabela to make it all the LIs... However. I got a little carried away so this is long. Really long. My previous record for longest fake banter had 8 interactions, this has 28. The majority of you said not to put it under a readmore, just tag it, so I will!

These banters include 4-6 general interactions, one romance, and one post-adamant romance. Since Anders already had a post-adamant romance interaction with Cole in another banter, I posted an alternate version in the same vein as the one there, since I still really like the idea behind it, but the original execution bugged me.

Enjoy!

_____

Fenris

_____

Cole: You’re scared of me.

Fenris: As anyone wise should be.

Cole: Is it because of him?

Fenris: Danarius wasn’t the worst of them.

Cole: Standing, stiff, sore from the leash. Like that for hours, watching, waiting, wanting to leave. Danarius approaches the magister. A rival, he wants to impress him. End him. "I offer you a gift."

Fenris: What is this?

Cole: It's a boy. No. No, no, he's so young. Be punished if I move but I can't- I can't- too late. His blood is on my face. The demon growls, glowers and glows, and he's gone.

Fenris: Avert your gaze from me. Now.

Cole: But that's not why I'm here! I didn't want the blood.

_____

Fenris: Is it true you were a demon?

Cole: No. Not a demon. But I didn’t know what I was, and it made me wrong.

Fenris: But you killed? You murdered those mages?

Cole: Yes. I thought it was helping.

Fenris: I’ve traveled with an abomination, a blood mage, and Varric. Now, I trade them for a killer demon. Perhaps Hawke kept the better company after all.

_____

Cole: You were glad when the boy died.

Fenris: Be careful, demon. I know you can bleed.

Cole: Danarius said “gift” and you thought of something else. Something worse. When they cut his throat somewhere you were happy they couldn’t keep hurting him.

Cole (Cont.): It wasn’t a good glad.

_____

Cole: You don’t like mages, yet you’re angry. Angry for the ones I killed. Why?

Fenris: I don’t like weak mages running rampant and preying on the innocent. Those mages were where they belonged, where they were safe. You took that away.

Cole: But they weren’t safe!

Fenris: No, because you were prowling the halls. Slitting their throats while they slept.

Cole: I wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for the templars. The templar who locked him in a dungeon and forgot. If he hadn’t died, scared, starving, shivering on the stone.

Cole (Cont.): I killed. I killed and kill me back if I do it again. But templars made me forget what I was. Templars killed me first.

_____

Cole: Do you look at every man and see a king?

Fenris: What?

Cole: When a servant walks down a hall do you see him wearing a crown. Holding a sword? Does he kill those who disobey him?

Fenris: No?

Cole: Then why is every mage a magister?

_____

Fenris: Every mage is not a magister.

Cole: Yes! That’s good. You’re starting to understand, thank you.

Fenris: Every mage is dangerous. I am not wrong to want them where they can do no harm.

Cole: No. No. You get so close but flinch away before the truth can touch you. Like a hand on a hot pot.

Fenris: I see the truth clearly, spirit. You are not of this world, you cannot understand.

____

Cole: Spirits are reflections of the world, made from what matters. That's what Solas says.

Fenris: And you're telling me this, why?

Cole: You said I don't understand. I'm not of this world. But this world made me. Made me from what matters. That's what I am. I'm supposed to see.

Fenris: Fine. What is this truth I won’t touch, demon?

Cole: You want to blame magic because its easy. Because it hurt you and its loud. Magic didn’t hurt you because its magic, it hurt you because Danarius wanted it to.

Fenris: Of course I know Danarius was behind it.

Cole: Yes! Yes you do! But anything hurts if someone wants it to. Magic, blades, hands, words, and you know that too. But if that’s true, if that's really true, Danarius hides. You can't see him anymore. Any man could be him now. That scares you.

Fenris: …perhaps it does.

Cole: It’s okay! I can help.

_____

(Romance)

Cole: I stare at the fire, flames flickering. Eyes shut, trying, dreaming, wishing it would all come back. I can hear them breathing. I can feel their touch, tingling, lingering on my skin. Soft as their sheets, dark and red, but not the bad red, the red I want, the red I remember. Remember. Why did I remember?

Cole (Cont.): You want to stay, but then they wake up, and you have to go.

Fenris: I was a fool.

Cole: No. You think you were afraid but that isn't it. There was another life, lost, lingering, left behind. You had to learn and let go. You needed to say goodbye. That isn't your fault.

Fenris: It was. Yet they still forgave me.

Cole: They love you.

_____

(Post-Adamant)

Fenris: Go on, say your peace, demon.

Cole: Stairs, steep, steeper than the steps through Kirkwall. A spider, why did it have to be a spider? I make it bleed. Make it burn. I try. I don't want to die, but I'm me. I have to try to be me too, I have to- I have to- “Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you” Maker, he won’t forgive me.

Fenris: I was wrong.

Cole: Yes. The thought hurt, but now its real. Real is worse.

Fenris: Hawke is gone. Nothing is real now.

Cole: Gone only means far, not false. What you felt is still real. Don't forget that. Please.

_____

Anders

_____

Cole: Why don’t you tell Varric why you’re angry?

Anders: He doesn’t listen. Or it turns into a joke.

Cole: My father’s barn burning in the snow. Eyes dead under a sunblaze brand. A glow raining over my city, the same color as the screams. Sometimes we care so much the care turns cold. Anger is the only warmth I know.

Anders: Sounds like you’ll put it better than I could.

Cole: No, it won’t help the same if its me.

_____

Anders: How are you here?

Cole: I walked. For a while I rode on a horse!

Anders: No, outside of the Fade? Justice said spirits couldn’t survive on their own, they need a host. A body.

Cole: I’m Cole?

Anders: But you’re a spirit! Here from the Fade. How can you be- you?

Cole: He sat in a cell. It was dark, he knew they forgot. His hurt was loud, louder than the shouting but the Templars wouldn't hear him. I wanted to help so I listened. He said he didn’t want it. He didn’t want to be magic. He didn’t want to hurt. He didn’t want to die.

Cole: I’m Cole.

Anders: Oh…

_____

Anders: Did Cole… did you have any family? Anyone you might want to see again?

Cole: No. His father beat his mother until she stopped, he hid with his sister in a cabinet but she cried. He kept his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, he didn’t want her to stay quiet. He only killed his father for them.

Anders: Maker!

Cole: He didn’t use magic! He used a blade to kill his father, a harmless blade. That’s all. It wasn’t magic. “I don't care, he goes to the dungeons like every other mage."

Anders: Cole I’m- I’m so sorry.

Cole: So was he.

_____

Cole: Varric doesn't hate you.

Anders: Varric?

Cole: That's why you won't tell him why you're angry. You think it will make it worse. He's sad, scared, scattered, but still your friend.

Anders: I know what Kirkwall meant to him. I know I destroyed it. He can't forgive me that easy.

Cole: No. Not easy, and not forgiven, not yet. "I want you to have this. It's a pillow. Hand embroidered by my mother. The only thing they let me keep at the circle." "Why in the world would you give that to me?" "You've been a good friend." He wishes he were better.

Anders: Tell him... tell him I do to.

Cole: No. I told you. It's doesn't help if its me.

_____

Cole: You talked to Varric!

Anders: Sort of. Not a lot of actual talking. Mostly we sat, and sometimes we drank. Better than avoiding each other in the halls, I guess.

Cole: We sit. The air here is wrong. The smells, the music, it's too wide, too new. Herald's Rest, why rest? Do we ever rest? They used to hang people here, by their feet, till they starved to death. Blondie sits across from me, how long has it been? If I just see him I can almost pretend... My cup, too nice, too clean, but a toast is a toast. To a new world, Blondie.

Anders: To a new world...

Cole: He missed you.

_____

(Romanced)

Cole: No, don't go there. I'll break your heart. That might kill me as surely as the Templars. But you wanted to, from the moment you saw them. You made yourself sound so wrong, why?

Anders: I needed them to know. I needed them to be prepared for the work it would be to love me.

Cole: You thought they would leave. That one day they would know you, know you, and they wouldn't love you. They never would've done that. It hurts you thought they would.

Anders: In the circle, love never lasted. That was by design, two mages got too close and the templars would intervene. I... I thought it was a matter of time.

Cole: They know. They only wish you had trusted them when they said they would stay. That you would let them do the work.

Anders: Maker, I hope some days I'm worth it.

Cole: You are, always.

_____

(Post-adamant)

Cole: A hawk sits on a branch. They fly, follow, leaving feathers where he can find them.

Anders: Stop it.

Cole: A dream. They're a dream but I can't see them, not until I forget. If I forget, if I'm him, just him, all him, then he might be me. He might know where to go. Forget to find. Follow and fly.

Justice: No.

Cole: Forgetting won’t help, not like that.

_____

Merrill

_____

Cole: Eluvian. “Seeing-glass” but it’s fogged, faded, forgotten like us. Who stood here before me? Before the blight, before our blood blotted over the history. Where did they go?

Merrill: Do you… do you know? Can you tell me their name?

Cole: No. I would’ve forgotten. I’m sorry.

_____

Merrill: Are you alright, Cole?

Cole: “Alright?”

Merrill: Are you safe? Are the people here kind to you? Are you… happy?

Cole: I’m not being cut, not right now, and I’m not sad.

Merrill: That’s not really the same thing, lethallin.

Cole: But isn’t it for you?

_____

Cole: The keeper was wrong.

Merrill: You didn’t know her. You shouldn’t say things like that.

Cole: Eyes. Eyes. Too many eyes. Staring. Judging. The hunters whisper and the elders doubt. How could I have allowed it? I let evil into our clan. They need to know. I need to show them. Show her. She will not do this.

Cole (Cont.): "Merrill is dangerous," I tell them. "She will remain dangerous until I guide her down a better path. Be weary of her, and if you see her, come directly to me."

Merrill: No, lethallin. That wasn’t how it was.

Cole: She said that too.

_____

Merrill: Cole, what I meant when I asked if you were alright...

Cole: Yes? I'm sorry. I don't think my answer helped.

Merrill: I meant- I guess- you're always the one checking up on the others. You're always the one helping so I thought, maybe, I could be of some help, if you want it.

Cole: But... what would that be? Helping the helper, that's not how it's supposed to work. That's why you forget.

Merrill: Well, lethallin, why don't we figure it out together?

Cole: Yes... yes I think I would like that. Thank you.

_____

(Romanced)

Cole: You didn't believe them for a long time. Why?

Merrill: Didn't believe who?

Cole: Hawke, when they said they wanted you, you thought it wasn't real. Why?

Merrill: Oh- well... I'd never had anyone in my clan show me any interest before. I'd only kissed one person before them. It was this hunter, young and strong, just got his vallaslin. So exciting! But later I found out it was a dare, prove his manhood by kissing the crazy blood witch.

Cole: That story makes them angry.

Merrill: I know. They told me so. Offered to go fight those boys for me, I said no, of course.

Cole: You didn't want to.

Merrill: We all have to be the bigger person sometimes, lethallin. That's what Varric liked to say after cards back in Kirkwall.

_____

(Post-adamant)

Merrill: Lethallin, can you... can you hear them? Do you know what they thought when it- happened?

Cole: Chains beneath the boat. Five birds bunched together on the cliff. Three in the hold. How could I know? One day there will be book with other names, other faces drawn over the words and a daisy pressed between the pages.

Merrill: I know you can tell me more than that.

Cole: Hawke is dead, I'm so sorry. Dead. Such a cruel world. Din. Better. Din is kind. Falon'Din, Friend of the Dead. Is that were they are? Varric said they ran. They ran and they shut the door. They didn't see...

Cole (Cont.): Broken dark glass in a Kirkwall hovel. Red ringed around my fingernails. Sitting on the floor, sharp, splintering, shredding my skin, but I stay still. I have a door. I have a door.

Cole (Cont.): If I tell you, you'll just want to do it more.

Merrill: I'm going to do it, Cole, telling me what they thought won't hurt now.

Cole: Yes, it will.

_____

Isabela

_____

Isabela: Hey, sweetheart?

Cole: Yes, Captain?

Isabela: Do spirits know about sex?

Cole: Yes. Spirits know a lot about sex.

Isabela: How would you describe it? In that colorful way of yours?

Cole: Hot. Hands holding tight. Door closed. Bodies close. If this is all I’m worth then I’ll be worth the world. My body is mine, it feels like fire and I am free.

Isabela: Oh, that’s not what I thought you’d say.

Cole: What did you think I would say?

Isabela: Something more like what Varric would put in a book.

_____

Cole: The scars are all in the same place.

Isabela: Which scars, sweetheart?

Cole: Arishok's blade on their skin. The silver slips shallow through them but I still feel it too. My face. My arm. My back. My legs. My- it slashes into their stomach, blood splatters and I try to- I can't. Fenris holding onto me. They're bleeding and I'm bleeding. They're hurting and I'm hurting. Once. Twice. Three times more around the pillars and then- he falls. It's over. They won... I'm free.

Isabela: So that’s what we’re talking about.

Cole: They would’ve done it again. They would’ve done even more.

Isabela: I know.

Cole: So do they.

_____

Isabela: Why do you call me, Captain?

Cole: It’s what you are.

Isabela: I haven’t been a captain for awhile. Admiral’s got a nice, sexy sound to it. Makes you think I’ve got a dagger in my hand, sharp and ready for your breast.

Cole: Wife. Whore. Daughter. Desire. The man on my ship smiles at me like he's picking which one he wants. I smile back. "It's Captain," I tell him. "You will call me Captain."

Cole (Cont.): I could call you Admiral, if it helps.

Isabela: Captain’s fine, sweetheart.

_____

Cole: Captain?

Isabela: Yes, sweetheart?

Cole: Do you like me?

Isabela: Oh yes! You’re cute, good with a dagger. You're even nice! That’s more than most men you’ll find out here.

Cole: But you don’t like me like you like them.

Isabela: Which is good for you. Most of them weren't worth the price of the room.

Cole: But you never paid for the rooms?

Isabela: Exactly.

_____

Cole: “Sweetheart.” You call me “sweetheart.” Why?

Isabela: It’s like how you call me, Captain. It’s the best word for what you are.

Cole: But my heart wouldn’t be sweet, Captain.

Isabela: Just who told you that?

Cole: The blood. It said it has to taste like salt and iron or it isn’t real.

Isabela: I… think it's okay to let words stay words sometimes, sweetheart.

Cole: But that’s never what they are.

_____

(Romanced)

Cole: "Well, if you ever want to do it again- wait, you aren't thinking of bringing feelings into this are you?" But you already were?

Isabela: Shhhh! Don't go revealing my deep dark secrets to the world.

Cole: You already brought the feelings, but it's different when it's just yours. Only you know where they are, like marking treasure on a map you keep in your pocket. But once they wanted it too... What if they dug up the treasure? What if they hated what was inside?

Isabela: Yes, yes, alright but why is it treasure? Is it because I'm a pirate?

Cole: Yes. You like treasure.

Isabela: I do like treasure.

Cole: But you like Hawke more.

Isabela: Hey! What did I say about my deep dark secrets?

_____

(Post-adamant)

Cole: I lie on my belly. Red stream flowing out from under me. How can the ground be so cold? Nightmare. Nightmare. No- no I won't die in a nightmare. I've been here before, done this before. I can die where it's mine-

Isabela: Not now, sweetheart.

Cole: There's a ship. There's a sea. There's birds in the rafters and there's me. Waves wash and whisper. I'm free. Captain, the helm is ready-

Isabela: Cole, stop it.

Cole: Safe harbors, Isabela.

#long post #dragon age #da2 #cole #dragon age cole

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inafieldofdaisies · 10 months

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WIP Wednesday | Tagged by @euryalex some days back to share a WIP ❤️

Moving onto a John x Sabrina chapter now that chapter 12 is finally posted.

The morning after his midnight run-in with Sabrina John left the ranch early, somehow successfully managing to avoid another risky encounter despite her irregular sleep schedule. He had spent as little time in the kitchen as he could, feeling on edge as he made himself a coffee, the sight of the spot where she had been sitting hours prior involuntarily dragging his thoughts back to her and how her hands had felt on his skin. He couldn't imagine having to deal with her if she was going to appear like she had the previous day, wearing a shirt that refused to stay in place, or how much willpower it would take him to not finish the challenge they had started. He knew it was necessary to keep at a distance, especially since he had been so close to giving into his urges the night before and that if she hadn't left the way she had, he no doubt would have lost himself in her completely upon the very first taste. A part of him whispered how if he had done that maybe, just maybe he'd emerge as the man he was before she had stepped a foot in his region. It won't work. Just how moving her into the ranch only made things worse.. All he could do was attempt to resist, to stay on the path chosen for him because no matter how much he tried, he couldn't bring himself to put a stop to whatever was put in motion at the night of the arrest. I'm being tested, it's what Joseph would say. I won't give in. He wholeheartedly wished he had as little trouble as Sabrina seemed to have at reigning in the temptation. Mathias was waiting on him outside, wearing indistinctive clothes yet again just as he had ordered to ensure Savannah wouldn't get frightened by the presence of a "Peggie". He fought back a smile at the memory of her approaching Bennett with curiousity and how direct she always ended up being, asking whatever questions she had on her mind and pushing for answers with the same conviction her sister possessed.

"Good morning.", John could tell just by the man's face he was bearing what could only be considered unpleasant news and the sun hadn't even risen. "I'm listening, Mathias. You better not further ruin my already awful morning." "Boss. Joseph called, asked for update on the Sinner.", Mathias nodded towards the house. "Deputy Donovan.", the correction slipped from his lips, shocking both of them, John recovered quickly, refusing to think too much of why he didn't like Sabrina being called a Sinner, "I assume you followed my instructions." "Yes. I told him to talk directly to you." "Good. Anything else?" "I'm sure Wyatt would be more than capable to fill you in on the progress with Deputy Hartley. But… it's not looking good, boss. The Sinners find him inspiring." John wanted to laugh at that, at the idea that Calahan Hartley was making headway, turning people into fighters, but he knew there was something about the Sinner that drew everyone in, a reason why Sabrina valued him, to a point she risked getting caught to ensure he escapes. Only he still failed to see what everyone else did in him and why Joseph considered him worthy and pushed for the man's passage into the Project when all he symbolized was chaos and danger. To Eden. To their people. I'd find out what's so special about him when he's in my chair. "He's not going to destroy everything we've built, Mathias. I'm heading out.", he strode to his truck, calling out as he climbed in, "And be more welcoming towards the child. I hear again she's been upset by your treatment, there will be consequences." Mathias nodded, as John slammed the door shut and turned on the engine, the radio coming to life and reminding him of how Sabrina had switched it on on their way to her cabin. A smile broke free at how she had found his song amusing, that it had pulled out a genuine laughter out of her, followed by brazen remarks he would have considered as contempt, had they come from anyone else. He sneaked a final fleeting look at the ranch, eyes focusing on the drawn curtains of her room as he turned the truck around and headed to his Gate.

In minutes, he was parking in front of the bunker, his men greeting him, their smiles and cheerful address not quite reflected in their tired gazes. Morning greetings and "Praised be the Father, John." resonated on the way to his office. Wyatt was waiting for him by the door, coffee in hand, which he passed to John the second he neared him. The man was younger than Mathias and took on his role in the rare occasions when Bennett was too sick to perform his duties.

"Morning, brother." "Wyatt.", John replied as he headed into his office and took a seat at the desk, sipping his second coffee for the day. After Sabrina had left him completely hot and bothered in the kitchen in the same manner that any dream involving her did, not even the recommended by her "cold shower" had proven successful at getting rid of his desire and thanks to his refusal to cave in and have another repeat of his weak moment in her bathroom, he had ended up lying wide awake the whole night, knowing only trouble awaited him on the other side. Maybe I should give in once, it's impossible she'd ever compare to the wretched fantasies I'm being tested with. Certainly, the urges would die down then. But he couldn't, he shouldn't. It was the sin within him talking. "I wanted to ask, is brother Mathias alright? He's rarely been absent like this…" "He's just been tasked with something elsewhere. You're taking off his workload until then. That's all you need to know, Wyatt." "Understood.", the man gave him a strange look, like he was dreading a confrontation upon his next words. "Ask away, Wyatt." "What do you want me to do with the bloody uniform?", he pointed at the leather couch where Sabrina's clothes from the crash sat neatly folded, "Should I throw it away, it has sat there awhile…" "I will take care of it.", John narrowed his eyes in warning. "Understood." Wyatt was still standing by the door, looking on edge as he patted his unrully dark beard, so he gestured to one of the chairs in front of his desk, "Sit down, I was told you have a report for me. Let's hear it."

"We're proceeding with the Cleansings as planned, things here have been quiet since the Sinners tried to breach their way in.", the man took a seat, his brown eyes hardened when he added, "The Deputy has been even more restless in the day you were away, two of our outposts are now in the hands of the Resistance. The bodies we've managed to recover… all seemed to have been through a carnage." "They've sacrificed their lives for Eden, Wyatt. We knew there will be a price to be paid, that not all of them would embrace what's coming or join us peacefully. Which strongholds did he take?" Hartley was running around claiming what was John's, trying to hinder their progress in the Reaping, yet Joseph expected him to accept the Sinner. To answer to his violence with love and patience. Wyatt winced, "Kellett Cattle Co and Sunrise Farm. He's clearly securing locations around Fall's end, expanding further each day. They've been successful at keeping us out of there so far." "You make sure the security around the other outposts is tight. Double the men if you have to, instruct them keep their guards up, even when they're peeing. Hartley steps a foot in, they make sure he's caught alive. Set up road checks, distribute his picture to every patrol, double the posters with his face if you have to. Whoever delivers him to me, can expect a raise in the ranks." John gripped the edge of the desk, keeping his temper in check as he took a deep breath, waiting for Matthias' subordinate to say more. He was dreading to hear what else Wyatt had to report, it seemed like since the Reaping had started everything that could go awry had or was about to. "The Sinner has been, uh, blowing up our silos, brother. Leaving notes addressed to you by the sites and on the bodies we've managed to recover from the capture parties…" "What notes?" "I'd rather not quote them, if you don't mind. They're not… good-natured." John gritted his teeth, "Do you have them?" Wyatt nodded, "But I think it might be best if you don't read-" "You bring them to me." "Understood." "What else, Wyatt?" "Joseph called this morning, right before Mathias left, he took care of the call." John drummed his fingers on the desk, close to pulling Sabrina's knife out. Holding it in his hands felt like he had her around, for the same reason he hadn't been able to throw away her uniform. The thoughts of her offered a distraction from the violent urges bubbling at the mentions of Hartley and the mess he was creating, "I will deal with my brother personally. You have any good news for me or just messes to address?" Wyatt smiled, "I do. As you know, we marked Rae-Rae for Reaping as instructed and we're waiting for your call to take control of her farm." "We gave her enough chances to turn over the land and that dog to us voluntarily. Tell the capture party they have the green light to proceed as planned. Rae-Rae is to be brought here just like all the others, her Confession has been postponed long enough." "And the dog?" "Upon capture, have it shipped to the Whitetails right away. Jacob would ensure it becomes an asset to our cause." "Understood." "Anything else?" Wyatt shook his head, "The first Sinner for the day would be waiting for their Confession when you're ready, brother." John waved him off, picking up his now cold coffee, "I will be right there. And Wyatt, the Sinner's notes, have them on my desk when I return."

Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @clicheantagonist @josephseedismyfather @adelaidedrubman @thesingularityseries @detectivelokis @nightbloodbix @aceghosts @madparadoxum @vampireninjabunnies-blog @theelderhazelnut @purplehairsecretlair @dumbassdep @shegetsburned @poisonedtruth @cassietrn @voidika @harmonyowl @v0idbuggy @strangefable @schoute @jacobsneed @strafethesesinners @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @nightwingshero @josephslittledeputy and anyone with something to share ❤️

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soulmissed · 2 months

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@epistrefei, cont.

his hoodie was threadbare, full of holes, roomy enough to engulf him like fabric tidal wave. he curls fingers around a backpack strap and stares. at the flashlight. at the woman. he reaches for flashlight. wounds it. the flick of light soothes his initial fears. (hands lose their previous shakiness. lost animal in chestnut eyes wanes.)

“ ain’t too chummy with the dark myself. ” the boy remarks. “ you’re welcome to tag along. ” he retains a breadth of space between himself and her.

the lost animal waned. however, caution gnaws gnaws gnaws at his skull.

this road seemed dead, isolated. “ why are you – i didn’t expect to see anybody else. ”

#epistrefei #story of a boy.#august: [trying to be kind but also cautious]

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plasticfangtastic · 9 months

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Can We Be Lonely Together? Ch. 12 3/3

A Homelander X Stalker! Reader fanfic

This is a GN reader but male leaning for crackship reasons. this is also a Supe! reader fic

Author's note: YAY!! thank you for making it to the final part of the final chapter, hope y'all like it... there's an epilogue coming btw but its short thankfully! LONG CHAPTER ahead! warning! thank you for reading and I can't wait to drop the 2 fics I got in the works, one is just HomeAsh smut and the other just pure Homie fluff. previous chapter on #my fic tag and #can we be lonely together? tag in my blog.

R18+ Child death mention, child murder, gore, mild gore, murder, smut, Homie OOC towards Ashley, rape mention.

Chapter 12

Cont.

The morning after was without struggles, a new routine set itself after medication and breakfast now the cats needed your attention.

Homelander was still silent, still far away– but John did his best to look strong without his brother’s guidance, yet unable to stop hoping to see his brother's reflection.

You took to work, he said nothing about you entering the labs to pick up supplies, he even gave you his blessing, ensuring the security cameras were off during your shopping spree, the thought of you killing excited him greatly, pent up arousal still burning his loins as all you could muster after last night spat, was a quick fuck in the shower before bed and some head before breakfast, he had cummed but he wasn’t satiated.

Insufficient by all means, you backed up against his hips, the hot water reddening your sensitive skin, squeezing as he threatened to leave only for his hips to smack yours to reassure you that wasn’t going to happen, pumping a single thick load without leaving a bump, you cleaned him with your tongue, making sure to get every nook as he sheltered you poorly from the shower.

Your tongue flicked him awake, squeezing him with all your might as you pumped him messily, letting him watch as you pleasure your throat with his member, leaving him in awe as your nose got tickled by a small tuft of hair, his hand firm against your head as he groaned and hissed as your teeth rubbed his sides awake, holding hands as he came making sure to swallow every splurt and licked every drop you’ve spilled, before he could return the favor– Ryan woke up, so you cut it short this morning.

And then the cats protested, they complained a lot, demanding things after only being here for a day, but you and the kid seemed too happy to please.

It was to be a long day, he worried.

No calls during lunch break, or smoke break, no messages to remind him to eat and that a glass of milk was not a meal.

He knew you had the day off but he still expected something, you failed to reply to any of his messages.

He could feel something pressing against him.

It would be eight o’clock and you still haven’t called home, it was past nine and your phone kept leading to voicemail.

It was almost ten when Ryan asked about you, as he prepared to go to bed, Homelander reassured him that you were at work at Dolores’s restaurant, ordered him to keep the fort and headed out.

He hadn’t want to think about it but his mind betrayed him, did you lie? Were you with somebody else? who the fuck where you with!? his chest puffed the more and more he thought of that nameless woman, you wouldn’t. He was better looking, wealthier, smarter and high specs than some OnlyFans thot– were you trying to get back at him? Even after you forgave him? But the more and more he huffed, the nearest wall cracked deeper under his fist.

He felt that squeeze in his heart.

You've said you liked the difficulty.

What made this cheap mudperson difficult?

His throat grew an impossible knot, he felt againts the hall wall as he headed away from his apartment, resting his temples as he lost control of his heartbeat.

Boars had tusks to shred you, to impale you, to bleed you with, after all.

There you were lying cold in some rat infested alleyway, the stench of your rotting corpse hidden by putrid piles of rubbish, and wet bitumen.

There was you still crawling, still clinging but too far away, too quiet to catch anybody's attention– not that anybody would care in this city.

He choked, his mind racing and the ringing in his ear painfully loud at the thought of you calling for him behind red gargles, claws shred his insides.

Heading downstairs to Analytics to find one of your co-workers. Your phone stopped ringing and sent him straight to voicemail.

The man looked up, seeing the alarm in his expression, he was tense and shaky as he took the back of the chair, leaning slightly towards him, the man squeezed his bladder as the back seat cracked under Homelander’s grip.

“Give me the last known location for this cell phone.” He showed his screen to the man– now!”

He jumped and began checking the data, not questioning his motivations or why Homelander had that number saved in his contact as ‘Fiancee’ ; it took a couple of impossibly long minutes before something pop-up.

“It says that is–

“Soho. I know the place…”

Pantingly he looked away, his ears ringing too loud, and each movement felt tight, what could’ve possibly been there left for you? He caught himself as his eyes attempted to squeezed some weakness out of him, as his suit became unberably itchy.

“This phone hasn’t been active since it got there… no tower has picked it up afterwards, sir.”

“Good work. if it moves you call me.”

He was gone before the other man could even muster a response.

In minutes he had crashed on their lavish patio, it’d be another minute until Kent emerged from inside the house.

“I knew you’ve come…” he flashes your phone, the screen cracked– but I can’t help you.”

“Where the fuck is Y/N !?” He growled, illuminating the darkened patio.

“Pusher came by my office around two… by six I was handed this by an old colleague at the Times.” He smacked his lips– I was hurt.”

Untucking a newspaper roll from under his arm, Homelander didn’t care, his eyes glowing brighter than before, illuminating the skin around his eyes giving Kent a glimpse of veins and skullbone.

“God… are you here because you miss that ice queen?”

“My calls keep going to voicemail– even the burner phone.” He muttered– "I can't get ahold of them.”

“Hot damn– I told Pusher to leave you because you were never gonna last… seems I was wrong... you just wouldn’t leave unscathe. You ain’t going to find Y/N, they're gone, probably already got a new name and passport– you think you’re special? Let me guess Pusher said they’ll marry you?”

The light faded slightly, as Homelander shoulders stiffen, watching the arrogant prick get closer.

Thinking of that woman again, your bff would know if you two...

“Before you was a cute aspiring writer, then the librarian, there was a rich baker too, some hot married thing, one who cheated on Pusher so the idiot buried the bitch alive and then had Dolores find them after they clawed their way out, and right before you there was this wannabe self-made trustfund kid– Pusher loves you, cherishes you but the moment you stop acting like the character in the movie they made about you… is goodbye. Unlike them you can’t be killed by traditional means.”

He threw the newspaper at his feet.

“You and Pusher?” John asked, the more this snake spoke the more he wanted to see it choke on its own tail.

“God did you hear anything I just said? Ours was complicated… our relationship is more than… yours, but not at the moment. Altho Pusher did leave you this– took a good chunk of the liquid you had and put in an off shore account, made it seem like an everyday transaction for you, the info its in the note app… something about making sure Vought couldn’t fuck you over. It's not all of your fortune but you and the kid won’t need to think about your grandkids working either.``

Homelander took the phone off his hand.

“I’m not like any of those worthless–

“You’re different? You are not– Good luck finding the idiot… sorry about Vought, tho.”

The way Kent’s body thud against the tiles wasn’t as cathartic as he’d hope for– the slow wind flicked the pages of tomorrow morning’s edition of the New York Times, in big bold letters “The Great American Disgrace.” he crook his head as Kent drowned, as his mind processed the missing half of his body and agonized.

Glad that this married asshole was away from his pumpkin, he had spent too much time with you… it didn’t seem right, anyhoo.

He wasn’t like any of those low born mudpeople, he was divinity incarnate, a higher being, you were of the chosen few— so there was no surprise that simpletons did not keep your attention for long– he was better than all those nameless cocksuckers. He was the fucking Homelander but you didn’t answer his calls, this phone who vibrated with a hundred missed connections for some reason had his money, looking around on the device, you also had a few other disturbing things, all of the devices on his name and others close to him were being monitored by you, he ignored it for the moment.

He took the newspaper, seeing a massive photograph of a familiar boy, smaller print in bold highlighted words ‘Operation Patriot and First True American’ the words: inhumane, organized child murders, illegal human experimentations– repeated themselves, but above all… his name… his deadname, the sequence of numbers and placeholders. The entire front page was thousands of letters describing horrific findings… by 7 am the whole country would see this picture of him.

Just a small thing, holding a blue blanket, taken from a security camera, of him alone in a sterile room.

The other images were of his mother sitting alongside two other women, their bellies swollen and their eyes glazed, in drab hospital garbs. Then little kids he had never seen, images of higher quality than those drab 80’s photos.

Homelander sat on Kent’s bench, he had forgetten how to breathe until he was done reading the whole front page did his lungs lived again, flicking to the next one, more images, more names, more women he vaguely remembered, faces, smiles, bodies… names.

Only a few meters from him were a bundle of sleeping children but all he had of his were these grainy images– of little girls with his lips and little boys with his hair, some looked nothing like him until he stared just hard enough to see his chin or ears.

A quiet wail escaped his lips, as he cried into his hand, his eyes flowing endlessly, the more awful words he read, the more Homelander ears rang. Wobbly knees lifted him, catching sight of the illuminated 7, refusing to believe all of this… he wouldn’t crumble… not yet… not until he felt safe.

He had to protect John, that was his purpose but who was there to comfort him.

Now when he wanted to burn it all.

In a large penthouse Stan Edgar laid asleep.

Jumping as he felt the weight of his bed shift, in the dark he saw red, at the edge of the bed, just watching him without breathing, no hiss escaping his lips– just Homelander… or something worse watching at him with the stillness of statues.

Edgar took his glasses, finding this sight just as unsettling, not that he let it show, a part of him expected this visit sooner than later.

Homelander and him stood like this for a very long minute, until his arm creaked handing him the newspaper.

He turned the gold table lamp on his glass side table, his bed a velvety plush thing, and his sheets disgustingly expensive.

Homelander muttered nothing, no sound, no movement, he was more projection than physical entity, for once Edgar’s heart rate did pick up at the sight of him, this was not his petulant child. Homelander watched his demeanor break as more and more of his idiot brain processes the information.

“I won’t let you kill yourself, nor am I going to kill you. I want you to see your empire and your legacy burn in front of you… and when you finally could feel even an ounce of my pain… then I’ll watch you beg me to kill you.” he whispered.

“Homelander…”

“The CIA is outside your door– you won’t be doing an Epstein on me, either.”

“This has nothing to do–

“ Your name over and over… Madelyn’s, Jonah, the other cunts in the labs… you… all of you… on page 3”

He stood up with freakish smoothness, his hidden hand threw two sticky wet masses towards Edgar.

“I used to think Earth looked beautiful in outer space… but… is so ugly… is just too cold out there. too cold for them, too” his lip barely move, cheeks stained with trails and trails of dried tears– who knows where they are now… just drifting away endlessly in the vastness of the Milky Way– too far for me to even catch them again.”

Edgar looked down at the mass.

Two hunks of hair, still attached to their scalps, little specks of melted red ice puddled on his quilt.

“Maybe Zoe will hit Jupiter by the time you die. She cried so much when I took her hair off… Vicky too… so I made them twinsies.” he chuckled– it was so sweet.”

Oh he had always wanted to see him afraid, crying, anything but his usual self, but now he did not care.

The man tried violence only hurting his hands in return, Homelander just walked out the front door as he screamed words that meant nothing.

Not staying to watch when the CIA operatives entered the house.

Aunt Mallory awaited him in the hall.

“I always wanted to see Vought fall. Never thought I would see it… or that you would help us get this done so quickly– even if it was on a threat. But I still couldn’t touch you. The Government would like you to take part in the trial– by tomorrow afternoon all of Vought who was involved in those operations will be arrested and charged with… fuck… everything.”

“Was somebody named Y/N L/N your whistleblower? You seen them?”

He was glad to have seen Kent, otherwise he wouldn’t be watching Mallorys response so closely.

“Can’t tell you that.”

so stupidly easy, she was being smug.

“Can’t tell me where my own fiancee is… or should I go get it out of Butcher? He’s downstairs in the lobby.” He sounded raspy as his throat had given up– I’ll testify on the trial… you know the things they did to me wouldn’t get these people more than a couple years without my testimony. If you tell me and grant me immunity… say you find something else… I’ll give you my all and maybe something you’ve wanted too–

Mallory could cream herself at the fantasy, sensing his desperation and in response his willingness to harm to soothe it, she bit her lip.

“Too good to be true. We don’t really need you for a trial y’know once we identify the families of the women and children–

“I won’t let you touch Ryan.” He said calmly, taking a step closer with red in his eyes– You think the CIA is better than Vought? Either I burn this fucking country to the ground and force you to nuke your cities just to see if you could even scratch me, or you agree– or do you think Soldier Boy will help you, after you put him back in a fridge? I’ll be nice if you like, I’ll even stop compound V production until we can see the outcome of Vought... I won’t hand it to your people or mine– if you hand me the paperwork saying I’m just a poor little meow-meow.”

He spoke so softly even his cursing didn’t sound hateful, in this tranquil tone Mallory froze, his hand lifting her chin slighty forcing her to met the bluest eyes she’ve ever seen, to see this calm sea holding back a biblical flood.

“We can be civil. You got my word.” She bit her tongue– how come you haven’t yet.”

“That’ll depends solely on you.”

“This Whistleblower left before Butcher delivered me the files. Don’t think he would know.”

“Useless.” he grumbled– "I want to see that bastard in jail first, anyhoo.”

Homelander headed to the elevator, his mind trying to hold the avalanche that was John inside of him, to hold himself until he could find a place to scream.

William sat on a couch by the opulent lobby of the apartment complex, finding something comforting in seeing him... now it bothered him too much but Homelander ignored it, already on edge, one wrong word and he would collapse.

“When was the last time you spoke with Y/N?” John said.

“Why the fuck woul’ I tell you?”

“William. I’m afraid my Pusher lied to you… whatever was said about me is not true, it was just a ruse to get you to do the dirty work.”

Dead, cheating or running away. Homelander would play the one that hurt him the least and the most, he needed to see you, to understand what you’ve done.

“Those bruises looked fuckin’ real to me, mate.”

“Pusher is a Supe– A Telepath probably told you what you wanted to hear to get you to do as told. I just want my fiance back… I… I can’t do this alone…” His expression softened and his eyes stung– did it make you happy? To see those videos? To see my kids die before I knew their names? I haven’t even seen them, just what was said on the papers and Mallory told me.”

“Don’t. You don’t wan’ to see it, mate. I Hate you. I fuckin’ hate you but… your kids… they were gonna do that to Ryan. They was gonna make my Becca into a monster! All she did to protect that little boy just to end up killing him! My Becca wouldn’t have lived with herself… none of those kids and their mothers deserved that.”

Butcher spoke, his voice did nothing to hide the pain he felt over what almost had awaited Becca, the pain and guilt he felt as he once considered handling that kid back to Vought to rescue her back then, Becca would’ve killed herself from grief if not by her own hands if she was still here and saw those videos.

Homelander sat beside him, he had died once tonight, he could do it again, Butcher shaken as he sat on top of his flag that he almost seemed so careful with before.

“I need to see them. William… please… I need to know… maybe it’ll make you happy to see me reacting to it.”

He looked so frail next to Butcher, whomever this was they did not recognize him.

“If Pusher won’t be there for me– can I have you instead? After all, we had something different.”

It made him uncomfortable to hear him say that, whoever this man was... was just a wounded stranger, sitting too close, their knees touching, Homelander seeking for any relief and Butcher feeling his skin crawl.

“It won’t make me happy. I’m not sick like you” He took a cigarette out offering Homelander one the man considered for a strange second or two– After this what are you gonna do?”

“I think I’ll move to the mediterranean with Ryan, the two cats and maybe… maybe two more people… Mallorca… or Valletta… You can visit Ryan if you like… before that golf ball in your brain kills you. You should see the beachest down there… so pretty– but after I find my pumpkin.”

He lit the cigarette on Butcher’s lip, this was it. The end. It sucked for them both.

They shared a sorry laugh, Butcher picturing the blonde in tacky Hawaiian shirts and a burnt tan screaming ‘Expat’ he just didn’t seem like the type to pull it off, unlike himself.

“I’ve been to Greece on my honeymoon…it wont be pretty not with you in it. I’ve called your fiance early, that we had met all their demands. They came soon after and dropped the passwords, then asked my Frenchie for tips to deal with a supe. They fashioned some stuff for a bit then your Pusher left around four.”

“What Supe?”

“Firecracker.”

He scoffed.

You had forgiven John but never did you say anything about her, he stayed with Butcher even after Edgar was dragged in front of them, following him to his office to watch the videos that even his worst enemy didn’t want him to see.

The longer he watched the less he wanted to see, he had left Butcher’s office by dawn.

Butcher feeling not victorious as he watched them, the happy recordings of kids being kids, of kids trying to make their mothers happy, until the tears began, until the blood, and the screams, until they became silence.

He opened the front door for the authorities heading a private tour to appear extra cooperative... the company was a mess, a beehive disturbed by ravenous wasps.

An emergency meeting was called and the news were talking non-stop of him, of the others could’ve been Homelanders, of his mother and their mothers. His aunt was already victim to guerilla interviews unable to understand what’ve happened, the stocks were below red, and their competitors were just waiting to start eating their hot juicy remains.

“We will cease all production on V. until further notice… but honestly I’ll just take my severance package, and let you guys take care of this.” His voice soft– This is over. All of it. No point in crying about it– it ain’t you guys who ought to be crying.``

Ashley whimpered regardless.

“Sir… I would’ve never authorized this–

“You are too weak to do these things. You've been a good girl Ashley… the least I can do is make sure you’re taken care of, I’ve put in a good word that you had nothing to do with this– after all this is before our time” He turned to the others in the boardroom– them on the other hand. After all of you get arrested I’m going to kill everybody you love and feed them to my cats… maybe not tomorrow, or next week– but I will… I’ll fucking let your dogs rape your wifes and send you the videos and maybe send them to your kids.” he chortled– All of you can go fuck yourselves. Now me and Ashley are going to get out, and none of you better make a peep.”

It was quite the scene.

“Ten million should be enough to live comfortably for you, right? Or is that like a lowball amount? With inflation is hard to tell.”

“Excuse me?”

“I won’t hurt you Ashley because Ryan likes you. And your name did not appear anywhere…” he petted her head mockingly– you and I are done… but you’ll have to sign an NDA about the things you covered for me, your last job for me is for you to testify in the trial.”

“Are you doing alright, sir?” She was too shocked to ask anything else– I…”

“No.”

“Hmm… sir, I wanted to tell you before the meeting that Firecracker has been missing since this morning. And one of the guys from Analytics gave me this… address. Said you had requested it but you never answered your phone this morning.”

His mouth crook upwards.

“She left her phone at home. We already had a team out looking for her… is she our whistleblower?”

“Did she have any friends? Any brunettes with freckles and a big ass?”

That rang bells for an odd reason, a girl she had seen hovering around her during recordings.

“Yes…? I think her old editor.”

“Get me her address, I’m going to go deal with them”

There you were again in a ditch, your face gone, Firecracker nowhere to be seen.

Mallory and some other high ranking investigators stood watching closely overseeing the arrests. Their suits filling the halls.

“That one had nothing to do with it.” his thumb pointing at Ashley.

“Any more requests, your highness?”

“Not going to give you the formula for Compound V.”

“Vought and you caped bastards going away sounds like a dream to me… but you kept your word… I kept mine, you will be granted complete immunity even if we aren’t investigating but the crimes against you. We are pinning all of this on the old guard.”

“Enjoy it.” Before he left he turned around– thanks to you the whole country gets to live another day.”

Butcher stroked his temples.

“And he is going to get away with it!? All of it!?” Starlight protested, the rest of the gang sharing her sentiment– Butcher!?

“Is out of my hands. The fuckin’ ‘ead of Homeland Security, the CIA and the president rather he retires to fucking Madeira than risk a nuclear apocalypse! They haven't even begun to unravel Soldier Boy’s abilities, and the Russian’s ain’t helping– you think I want this!?”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“Nuthin’ we won. Besides… Y/N might be a serial killer…” Starlight and company urged him to continue– couple years ago some writer and their friend were found killed… nobody could describe this Beck Nevere partner, as if they never existed, not their age, gender, color nor height, they knew Beck had a partner– both the victims social media accounts were clinically scrubbed… talking black-ops level completely fucking clean. They suspected a Supe was behind it but it led nowhere. There were another couple corpses here and there with similar lack of witness accounts. Only one gave a vague description and a name... Pusher.``

Hughie pulled up the sketch composite that Butcher was referring to, it wasn’t perfect and some of the details were wrong but there was a familiarity to the image.

“This cunt went here to ‘elp us get rid of Vought. Maybe they’ll get rid of him too.” he thought of that name the cunt had dropped– He called them ‘Pusher’ I bet if we dig far enough we could find about this bastard.”

He thought of Homelander sitting on that leather couch, wondering who was after who.

As he sat in the archives a metal box opened and its contents carefully placed around him, Homelander would cry alone, at pictures of close strangers, the sound of voices he would never hear down his halls, all the families he could’ve had, all the first he could’ve witnessed, John could had been given all that made him weak, all that would render him needless, but all he had wanted, all their stolen timelines… You had given him a mother… had you tried to bare him children but found this graveyard.. leaving you more frail than wet paper... did you shattered? Afraid he would kill you for this after his mother’s fiasco? Had he finally managed to scare you?

Two men awaited to take some for evidence, but gave him space until he was ready.

By the end of the day, the internet was losing its mind, even his biggest detractors and haters had nothing negative to say about him, before the day ended the whole world saw Homelander as a victim, a man brainwashed, a survivor.

Theories that the entire internal coup that saw Edgar fall from grace were nothing but a machiavellian plot to take over the company that had caused him so much harm-- it was to be the next best biopic, studios already preparing for the upcoming bidding wars, and publisher eager to jump at him with publishing offers for his biography, it would sell out day 1 if it happened, News channels and celebrities already competing to see if they could get him to sit down for the first exclusive interview.

Some still hated him– but as of the first 24 hrs the public was sympathetic. It would become the popular opinion to not hate him, those who did would be silenced, and eventually it would be taboo to voice it openly, or at all.

His strange quirks and violent outburst now blamed on complex PTSD and trauma, he wasn’t hated nor ridiculed to his surprise, while much of the facts had been sanitized, much of the details to be saved for the trial or for government eyes only– enough was out to paint a horrific image; CNN to Joe Rogan had been given a couple of heavily censored clips, graphic enough that its content was undeniable. The families of the mothers, and his ex-lovers already being identified, the missing women had been given potential and confirmed names in massive reddit and 4chan efforts, faster than the FBI had even if there was plenty of misinformation drowning the main feeds.

He had checked Firecracker’s friend apartment finding nothing, no struggle, or signs of it that’ve been cleaned, her keys missing but her wallet and phone left behind.

A couple of cigarettes left behind, no lipstick marks left on the buds, Firecracker wasn’t a smoker, he grinned.

He could scan the whole city and eventually find you, but it came to him.

A number he didn’t recognize appeared on his screen.

“Found your bitch, aye.”

Seems Butcher wanted some payback, he was better at this than Homelander after all.

“Love you too. How you get my number?”

The other man was silent at the other end of the line, watching the building you were holed up.

“Your bitch used me. Painted you as some victim to be pitied. Made you get away with all the bullshit you’ve done– I want front row seats to the funeral… found some of your bitch past achievements– gnarly little things.”

“You and me both.” He was to let you explain, to tell him everything before he made a decision on you– thanks.”

“This one is good– but I am better. Gather your team is a bit short of funds and all, just so you know I’m gonna get ev’n.”

He hanged, seconds after Homelander received a text message.

Homelander flew, finding you wet, naked and tired.

You looked more beautiful than ever before, as you throw your back with each swung of a modified machete, sweating profusely as you bathed in her life, your shoulders burn and you hair clump around your temples... you looked breathtaking.

His ire fading as the sight of you assuaged him, the thought of your arms holding him tenderly... the only place he could cry, of your lips telling him all the things nobody had meant and internet voices were too impersonal to mean much for him, left alone for days, worried sick you’ve been hurt by Firecracker and left dead on some dumpsters, you were safe, you could explain yourself, he could grant you one chance to explain yourself.

You did look so beautiful.

But you were here, breathing, thinking of him still.

They would just be a little upset still.

But you could explain it all... maybe it had been a misunderstanding... maybe you didn't meant it.

And then here you two were.

Dawn fast approaching, the cool breeze rustling your hair.

“Why did you ran away?”

“Killing Firecracker was harder than I anticipated. The fugu only paralyzed her… had to get creative with the saws… took me a whole day to find the right blade. Not to mention I had to kill the friend first. I was so tired I overslept quite a bit. I only caught up until you showed up.” You admitted– I kidnapped her friend, drew her to that safe house, and then you showed up.”

Her heart beat honest, it shocked John.

“I did have to find out a few things about you from Butcher, Kent, my team… you’re certainly a character. So why did you kill your exes?”

You looked away, embarrassed and ashamed to say this outloud, not wanting to talk about past lovers.

“They couldn’t handle my devotion.” Your voice is gentle yet pained– Too intense for them. I suffocated them and made them feel isolated.” trembling lightly you looked up at him– I loved them too much but they couldn’t muster to return an ounce of what I gave them. They didn’t want me anymore. Didn’t want to give me my refund. They weren't my true love.'

“So you didn’t get bored?”

“All I wanted was to be loved like I always dreamed to be loved. They got bored of me… they hated me… they couldn’t stand me.” Your eyes watered– But you returned my love, so equally.”

He strokes your hair, tucking it behind your ears.

“You won’t fall out of love with me… even after you erase my memories?” John asked.

“Is nice that you think I can do that– you need it for the trial. Or you meant later?”

“Maybe I want you to kill me instead of killing you, and leave my brother in charge.”

You dropped an imaginary plate, all air squeezed out your lungs, your nails digging on his arms.

“No!! I would not!!” You shouted– Absolutely not!!”

“You did all of this to have me all for you, but maybe I don’t want to be all yours. My brother likes you… he only came back for you, he ignored me for you. You love him, not me. Nobody loves me, I’ll cheat on you again– you can’t win me over not after what you did! I have nothing! Vought! Privacy! This fucking suit!!!”

He whispered words laced with anger and pain.

“Then I will kill the next one, and the one after and the one after that one. Fuck I’ll kill the bitch you stared for more than five seconds at the coffee shop queue if I must. As long as you come back to me John is alright… is you, him and me.”

He whimpered, stifling a tear, the way you spoke so softly, your deliverance continuously painfully honest, hard to reconcile your merciless nature with this one who saw him as their everything, genuinely meant it, who saw him as frail and began to cried at the thought of euthanasia.

“I won’t stop until I consume every ounce of doubt you have.” You mumble– I’ll never ever let you leave. I’ll put you in a glass cage if I have to” you stroke his cheek, clinging to him, a strange white swirl floated in your eyes– All I did was to protect you and us. That man– Butcher… was going to destroy you! I was lucky I gave him those files and made sure no matter what– the whole world would never think of you as evil, thanks to me. I got rid of her because I’m yours… so you didn’t need her… you own me.” Your kisses are so soft on his neck, turning him into glass replacing the old marble– I want to crawl inside you to feel your warmth for your touch is not enough. I would consume you if I could and fill my guts 'till it burst, so you might nourish all of me. Just to be closer to you.”

Homelander mouth dried, your words clawing at his throat, his hand glued to you feeling his body swirl as you pulled his face closer, gasping with every fond stroke of your lips and palms, the red flickering the more you spoke and his heart thumped, as he struggled to breathe, you sucked it out his system.

Your pretty eyes so white.

–You could have me forever and tuck me in the closet until you need me, and I would be fine with it– I’ll be there for you… ‘cuz I love you and you’re very special to me John, so I’ll just make you come back to me– both of you.” You cried, kissing him more intensely, sussurating into his lungs– I prayed and prayed to all gods for traces of you. I gave up hope… but you found me instead.” you kissed him more, and more, bleeding into his tongue. Harking back at the first moment you met, the moment you heard them both, and your eyes met, that first shared heartbeat– Even my ghost won’t leave you. I promise. Now that the gods have brought us together I won’t let go” you sobbed clinging on to him, that pale light brighter– I was born for you.”

There is a perturbing and enthralling manicness to you, your voice will forever haunt him as it spoke so sweetly, your kisses branding him with iron, you were pulling him closer, swallowing him– it frightens him how unbashedly you yearned for him.

You were a scary thing.

A monster.

His other half.

He let himself be saved in your arms, his legs giving up, pushing you both into the hard ground.

Your declaration makes his wounded heart thump more alive than it had ever been in forty years.

It wouldn’t heal him, it wouldn’t fix anything, it wouldn’t earn you forgiveness.

But Homelander and John needed this. Always had. Both had seeked this.

He had wanted something awful it seems.

That god would make somebody just for him.

Who had felt the same suffocating loneliness.

And emerged just as awry.

Who would cling to him shamelessly, like he had yearned since the moment he learned he was born from nothing.

Who for forty years had clung to sweet nothing in search for anything, any crumb of something to fill the abyss.

You here wanted to fill his abyss with your own tragedy.

Every sulken glance, every smile, every tear and every kiss… forcibly if you had to.

He needed to be cuddled and held, laughing maniacally as nothing made sense anymore, he cackled in between hoarse sobs, you kissed him, cradling him and swaying him, kissing his tears as he clung to you.

Looking up, a dying lamp vaguely illuminated above you two, a flickering halo framed you, you watched him with fervor, your lips lifted into a pained smile, holding him as if the mere thought of him touching the ground was killing you, your heart screaming so loudly.

Oh there it was… he thought, in the depth of all that was you. He finally really saw what his brother saw– Stormfront didn’t look at him like this… not close, not remotely the same.

You were the comfort of the familiar pain.

In the white ouroboros.

You were the Bad Room made flesh.

He was born there… he would die there…

He was inside that room, city skylines and rusted metal replaced by thick white cement walls, the flickering ligths replaced by cool white halogen.

He was born to keep John alive but John never knew how to be without him.

So he continued to be unsure of where to be.

Until you…

In your muddy disguise, without a hint of sanctity, you who appeared so boorish– you were the white walls that’ve birthed him, still chasing after him, a tulpa or demon from within that place.

What were you?

“Don’t be silly. If I was a demon I would’ve joined William’s side. Or tell you not to do the Oprah interview”

Glimpsin into that uneasy white swirl illuminating pupils, he thought.

Frozen inside this silent room, the buzzing of the air con drilling into his ear.

If his brother had taken the reins before, ran for days and nights, if he had agreed to lie about you before, if all John knew now was on your words– had you forgotten to tell him something?

What had you two kept to yourselves?

What had you two done while he wasn’t around? What had you shared for his love to infect him? For you to become like this? In his fracture memory he couldn’t reach the answer easily.

You kissed him as he watched the white swirl fade away like a slithering worm taking that unnatural light away from your irises.

With it the world returned.

He squeezed your hand, trying to calm down the oppressive weight in his chest– Oprah… he had already been offered ten million for exclusive first dibs, he could think of that instead of the unknown, as you pressed him against your chest, he could just let you two care for him as you had promise, let him just get the bliss and the fortune.

“Should I?”

“Well we gotta make sure the public thinks you’re a good boy… and if you want to keep killing we got each other... it will be much more fun if we gotta be sneaky about it. Also is Oprah, baby!”

“She’s so lovely, pumpkin.”

It was too much… how can one man, god or not– handle the last few hours, it was too much, accepting defeat, he could kill you but solve nothing, now he needed your powers.

He had said, himself… now he was a god made whole.

You held him until even his back grew sore.

He thought of waves, of never ending waves, and golden stone, of the cawing of sea birds and the heat on his back.

“You want to move there?”

“It's far away..."

You pulled him closer, as his head rested perfectly against your chest, kissing his forehead over and over until his toothy smile returned.

“You’ll be there to make everything okay… you'll make it okay.”

“I’ll take care of us forever.” your hand holding his cheek– I was put on this earth to care for you.”

To be held was all he ever wanted.

If his brother could hold him… this is how he imagine he would.

He felt the candor of your love, hotter than his own inhuman heat, he knew these frail chains made of bone and glass will not break, he held your collar and you held his chains.

Both visciously clutching on those chains.

Tangling himself further into the uncertainty, but he didn't fear it, he craved it.

Bleeding into his mouth.

Offering your fealty.

Whatever was to happen, whether the world would be blessed with rebirth or survive another decade, hanged on you.

#homelander #my fic tag #can we be lonely together?#the boys #Homelander x reader #Homelander x you #Homelander fanfiction #I'm ESL sorry about my grammar #homelander x supe! reader #will see if i can do a masterlist with all the chapters after I post the epilogue this wk.#personal #bit heavy on the YOU reference #this was after all a Joe Goldberg X Homelander fic #not that it changes it being a reader fic now hehe

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yutasbimil · 9 months

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Anomaly

vyn x fem!oc | tears of themis ff. (psychology major!lead) ✦ (3/~) [series fic] !!! also posted on my ao3 acc! { here } tags: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort cw: heavy on the (self) angst; mental anguish; mentions of anxiety and depression // smut is moved again, oops + supposedly this is a 'x reader' fic but got too heavy eventually, I apologize truly ;; word count: 3.5k

part 1 | part 2 | part 4 | part 5 | part x

cont.

With all that she's going through right now, Yule knows this is beyond 'normal' or expected of a person. Also, with her views and treatment towards herself, she ought to know that her state turned brittle with little to no regard she feels towards greatness.

She deserves more. But she can't quite get there yet to love herself again. No wonder she feels disquieted, she's her own immense pressure crushing her.

She's not able to breathe freely since.

It has been the third night in a row she's struck awake so suddenly.

It's as if hairs are directly plucked out of her skin all at once, the exchange still lingers on her mind. But his “nice” treatment irked her the most. She’s not used to being attended to, nor brought any interest– his level of keen engulf-ness towards her was unsettling.

No one ever looked at me like that with such focus or care.

But she likes it.

To be frank, she’s scared. Like, is she able to handle this?

For most of her life, her belief is that she’s too much of a mess to keep her relationships intact. That’s what her mother always says. That’s her warning. It’s too painful. All men are pricks. She wouldn’t even be able to maintain responsibilities as she’s helpless as fuck. And it’s always her who has a hell of a personality.

Although, as “awful” as she absolutely is, she’s expected to be a ‘good girl’.

She feels disoriented, she’s neglected most of her time. You shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t be like that– She’s been warned and reprimanded when she’s showing behavior that dismays them, but they’re showing and doing said ‘bad actions’ as well?

She’s confused.

Yule felt her throat dry, itching for some hydration. The sign of pools of sweat alarmed her to wash off her night terrors.

Her mess of hair reflects what she's going through internally.

Yule recently just moved to Stellis.

She’s not used to the silence of the space. The neat array of items also makes her more disoriented. She’s used to chaos.

Although now, she’s breathing more properly as she’s not much strangled by the shackles of her household. However, she wasn’t ready for the gravity of how it was heavier and bringing her down this much.

The burden of not living on the same roof anymore, makes her feel more lost and disarray.

Its effects remain consistent and persistent.

The sound of the door ringing signaled her senses awake back to reality. A package that she would take in a bit. Her mind shifts again. Add more as her eyes crossed the envelope mocking her line of sight at the kitchen table. Her results just came from her previous clinic, and she requested a physical copy of the psychological assessment. (In case she goes berserk, she can quickly burn them). It seems expected that the words bear weight, despite her previous assumption.

She’s diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

“Figures,” she whispered as if with contempt.

She almost tossed the contents back to her desk to make space for her preparing breakfast despite her lack of appetite.

Also with last time, she's pushing people away as much as she's growing attached. She’s quick to erase people off her life at one slip up, or more on directing the blame onto herself when she fucks up. Even almost turning down every opportunity that comes her way now that she's living independently.

What's wrong with me?

At least now the answer slowly unfolds itself to her up front.

Nevertheless, it's still quite difficult to swallow, it’s quicker to swallow her whole first than her comprehending any of this.

She’s late on their appointment, or to say their ‘date’. Yule still can’t seem to accept they’re dating, although starting it slow.

“I'm sorry, Dr. Ritcher.” she huffs, and then sits in her usual space in the tranquil garden of Vyn’s house. She drifts back to her thoughts of this morning, throat dry making it all harder to sink into her system the fact she has a disorder. No amount of water can quench the desert of her discovery.

This should be an easy step after knowing.

Her case is mild so to say, she’s fine on the fact she’s still keeping her close relationships intact as other cases have it worse.

Like her case, it's a good thing, by the looks of it, and she's managing.

But it can't erase the fact that she's having a difficult time.

Yule just gawks, staring into space and Vyn had noticed her presence elsewhere for the last minute.

“You're okay?” Vyn’s low voice snaps her out of her dissociating state. “You haven't touched much of the sponge cake I made.”

Was it served too sweet? Vyn ponders as he retastes his portion.

“It's exquisite actually.” Yule is nimble to regain her ‘usual’ persona, it seems convincing as her avoidance was unnoticed. The cream on her face stole the spotlight.

“You've got cream by your—”

“Oh, I'll get it,” she’s quick to beat Vyn ahead to wipe it off, blushing as Vyn chuckles at her timidness.

She took this chance to ask him, blurting out the thoughts that have been occupying her.

“What would you do if your loved one got diagnosed with a mental disorder?”

“As if they have any other choice as well?” Vyn voiced, concern visible in his tone.

She flushed.

Right, it's his job.

“It's just… what if they did you wrong and is a horrible person, would you leave them?” Yule conceded. It sounded all concluded and sorted out, with no means of being refuted.

Vyn had to look at her directly to check on her expression. It was troubled.

“Not everything is black and white.” Vyn prompts, though, he pauses to articulate his thoughts more. His tone sounded a tad bit reprimanding. “That depends on the whole picture for me to properly assess and answer your question, dear.”

That’s another way to put it.

Yule is so used to thinking of people as ‘absolute’; good and bad. And that of course leads to a disastrous way of thinking.

Though, this was only as of recently. She ponders more.

On Vyn’s end, he tries to objectively view her behavior just now. By the looks of it, it is also safe to convey his view and what he ought to respond to in these instances.

It should be pointed out that people can make mistakes and not everything could be perfect. Not everything could be easily tossed away just because it has some shortcomings. Falling short does not equate to inadequacy. One can have lapses of discrepancies and surges of outbursts. But that does not make them a completely horrible person.

She could only explain it at a surface level for now though.

“I thought at first, it's "mere" Impostor Syndrome when the underlying problems stem from something greater, also this may be the price of being a ‘perfectionist’.” She manages to vent out, her body language helps her express her distress.

Vyn unconsciously mirrors the state she is in momentarily.

“I'll say the same thing for myself as I oftentimes still have left judgment in that regard.” Vyn implored, intriguing the person he was conversing to to further elaborate.

He seems so well put together, with no neurosis, whatsoever. A sound-minded person, unlike me–

Yule still can’t comprehend such displays of tolerance. “Why so?”

“Of course, if I happen to care for them, I'll try to stay by them and understand their complexities to the best of my ability,” he responds, though the slump in his shoulders broads beyond what he’s trying to convey at the moment. “If it was a year ago, I'd say it differently…”

Yule finds it familiar, as if déjà vu.

“Rosa said the same thing, are those her words?” She waits momentarily for him to nod before she speaks again. “Working in the legal field does open you a lot.”

“I don't think that's the case.” Vyn postulated, his fingers meeting his lips as he spoke. “It's how we're raised as well that gave us this factor…”

“Hmmm…?”

It was more thought out loud, but it’s also out of character for him to utter out unconsciously. A Freudian slip.

“Nothing.”

The hesitance was evident minutes ago. As if they’re tiptoeing on what’s supposed to be laid out for the moment, but they’re sure they’re not ready to open up the shadows and etches of the past just yet.

But the tone they deliver gave them a glimpse of both their past. They may be a bit similar in that aspect.

“Is anything wrong, Yule?” Vyn tries to stir back on their supposed route of conversation. Yule heaves in a breath, as in fact, there are many things wrong in her head at this very instance. She just picks honesty to guide her through this.

“Do you happen to know anyone?” She starts out slow with her speaking. “Or residing here at Stellis where… I could get treatment?”

Vyn’s eyes are dilated for a moment before turning distant to think.

“Why can't you choose me though?” Vyn blunts.

“We… we know each other, Vyn,” Yule responds, stating the obvious, but also the fright it gives on violating such ethics in the field.

“Right…” Vyn replies dryly, as if already expecting a response from his intended error. It was indeed bad humor. Though, it isn't like him to let a detail like that slip off his mind.

“And…”

“And?” Vyn’s eyebrow perked up at her.

“It's against the ethics and protocols if you know, or happen to be falling for your psychiatrist— Horney?”

“Pardon?” Vyn blinks, (he heard it differently), unsure as he turns to her again for confirmation. “Hmmm?”

“Uhm no, I don't want the same case with her and Fromm.” Yule clarifies, it then clicked a familiar content atop Vyn’s head.

Before he could add anything else, Yule cuts short his curiosity and advances to ever create a teasing atmosphere.

“Do not give any mind to what I am saying, Dr. Richter.” she ends the topic there.

Vyn just chuckles, he just picks to put a different cake on her plate, smiling. “Okay, focus back on eating. Find another time to compose yourself. By then you can give me the needed documents sometime soon so I can easily refer you.”

Yule sighs, finally able to feel the sweetness of the cake he baked seep over her. “Thank you so much, Vyn.”

"There’s just some distinct smell in hotels I can easily tell." Yule pauses as her eyes darkened scanning through the area. The apparent smell of the casino is filled with smoke in the air. It still tingles her nose as they pass by.

The smell of mixed lemon and ginger filled her senses, it made her itch to the skin.

She and her family almost always check in her teenage years, more on their background and her privileged godmother who almost always seemed to have an extra room to spare for them to stay in distinguished hotels.

And all that went down the drain, the same as the crap-ton of bile that used to be in her system. Depression almost always kills her mood at that time along with the mundane, shallow atmosphere. This is all at naught.

All is not worth it with the cold feet and sleepless nights as she's not comfortable sleeping that's not her own bed.

“You’re quite accustomed to it?” Marius asks, turning her back into reality.

“More on familiarized enough…” she heavily sighs, the exorbitant glamour of the displays almost blinds her, even grazing over it feels burning to the touch. All this, she’s willing to give up for peace of mind.

Or at least she already let go of the moment she moved here at Stellis.

Though, of course, the past can still creep in ways unexpected. Its traces cannot be easily removed, much like a trailblazer, and it can consume one’s senses, going through your memories uninvited. It rummages unwanted thoughts.

It reminded her of the time she spent being hung up on a person. It was truly a dark time for her back then.

The topic shifted as they changed selections on branded bags. Yule merely drifts off with her story. “And now he’s famous, too far for my reach…”

Of course, Marius being Marius, he’s getting cocky.

"Maybe I can contact them?" he starts. Even going along patting his pants pocket for his phone as an easy access.

She snickered at the taller male. "You're only saying that to ease me." She moves through another display of leather belts, her eyes shifted to an array of colored ties, the hues reminded her of her bleak past. "He doesn't even know me to begin with." Her tone was as muted as the peacock blue accents of the tie.

I didn’t let myself known to him, thinking highly of him as out of my league.

"Is this different from the previous one you mentioned to me in class?" Marius confirms, eyes elsewhere on the male accessories, he’s looking for a more… lighter, more appealing blush sheen to be given as a gift.

Yule hums, following along in his stead. "Yes. Again, it's not worth it as they don't even know me." she clarifies, emphasizing for him to no longer bring too much effort into talking about this matter.

"So? You don’t know the power of von Hagens…"

"Bro, I do know but I won’t abuse it… besides that was years ago…" Yule brushes off his offer once again, her voice fades the same as the faded colors they’re looking at, a wide variation of bags.

“And the one I mentioned back then… She now has someone, she’s… " Yule looks at the baby shoes in the aisle across theirs. The immense pressure kicks in on the present day, of milestones or supposed achievements in her age.

‘I’m unemployed, didn’t even bother taking boards, just starting my master's studies, now as alone as the big whale in the vast ocean.

I feel I could be eaten alive by the harsh reality anytime.’

Yule swallows as it stacked more and more on her seemingly empty list in her head.

She redirects her focus, now eyes locked gazing at a Coach bag, comparing it to the mint with hints of yellow accents… Yule feels a tinge of guilt, reminded of someone.

But she feels blown away by the presence near her, she further sees the gap between them.

“Stop moping around and I’ll get that for you.” Marius notices her empty glances, he is quick to swift his hands to gesture to the sales clerk.

Before she could refuse, he already called the lady.

Yule glared, hissing sharply, almost in a whisper. Attempting to hide her flared cheeks behind her hand, she leans into the navy blue-haired man. “Marius von Hagen, don't you dare!”

This doesn’t even reach half of her paycheck tuition to grad school!— Yule torments over the flashy price tag.

“You and Rosa really are friends, come on don’t be shy.” Marius doesn’t have a hint of remorse in his cheeky face, it’s as rosy as the thought of the Rose he had in mind.

“How easy for you to say that with a straight face to an ordinary person like me?” Yule rolls her eyes, mocking as if on the verge to faint (she will if she were to pay this here and now).

Marius brushes his fingernails, riding along her humor. “What can you do? You’re friends with a celebrity.”

“I’m constantly reminded, thanks.” So smug, so full of himself but she can’t help but be bashful keeping her mouth shut.

Yule holds back her timidness. She could only sigh in defeat. “Make sure to contact me if you need anything, not that your connections aren't as sparse and vast already…”

“I’ll just need help with Rosa,” he says, diverted with his focus as he found a bag he had in mind. As if on cue, he lifted a rose-embroidered bag.

“Oh wow, it’s as if you aren’t making progress already in sweeping her off her feet.”

Marius looked at Yule, shocked as if any reciprocal interest wasn’t shown to him. But her wide-eyed expression is more on slipping a vital secret. She’s still left mouth agape, to herself like: Gurl, oh shit! She might’ve said something she shouldn’t.

“That is valuable information— important for you to keep it a secret,” she gestures a zip your mouth at him, distancing herself now. She could only cling to her life, as seen clearly by how she’s clinging too much to the bag.

“Also, she kept that picture you did of her in her room?” No, not another slip-up— she continues salvaging the conversation. “Maybe a painted customized bag instead. I think that is what she’ll appreciate a ton loads especially how “every brush stroke is filled with your feelings” or whatever you artists try to encapsulate…” Yule brushes it off casually, ‘barely satisfactorily successful’ if she may add. But her mind is then weighted by something else seeing her reflection.

Man, the gap suddenly pressured her. Rich ass money.

As much as she’s trying her best, knowing they’re at a similar age, she's older than him even (same age as Rosa), yet he has a lot achieved already, considering he’s talented af outside of his responsibilities.

Yule stops herself there from further spiraling, breathing in, she pulls herself together.

No, it disregards his effort, and his background on how separate that is.

Now she has too much freedom thinking all of this now independent and alone, far from her hometown and family. From everything else holding her back.

It is peaceful in comparison.

The comfort of daily life, and considering she also cut her connections… to nothing.

But at what cost? Crap, her pride is even eating her up to ask for help in finding a job. Again, even the connections all got cut. All her damn resources. Nothing.

Alas, one cannot eat pride.

She can at least bite her tongue not to spur sarcasm at this dude. Riches and all, he's still as normal of a guy, annoying even.

Yule could only swallow further with her much-held pride with the next words that came off his mouth.

"Vincent just informed me. Wait tomorrow morning or so, you'd have a call interview coming up." Marius stated, quickly putting back his phone in his pocket. She’s been trailing off for the last minute, they’re already walking out of the shop.

As if at cue, Yule's phone buzzed, indicating an email of the job offer. She has been waiting for a vacancy at any of the von Hagen's businesses. And as much as it was a joke, she knew he's got too much on his plate to even accommodate her, let alone give her a favor in the likes of her. She can't believe he even remembered that minor mention of her job hunting.

So it was a genuine reaction, eyes popping out of surprise as she almost tackled him in gratitude.

"You’re a lifesaver, Sir von Hagen." Yule tries to suppress her mirth. She handshakes firmly instead. She almost hugged him out of glee but it isn't appropriate out in the public eye. She repeatedly bows as Marius shakes his head with a feeble smile.

This means a lot to her, especially as she's starting from scratch.

She’s fucking glad she made friends with his dude. But more on witnessing the push and pull with Rosa, they’re as amusing as watching a Korean drama. Yule keeps a giggle to herself.

"Oh, come on, don’t treat me like I’m a saint." Marius brows perk at the title, waving his hands side to side. "And Vincent took great care of background checking you, I think you've got lots to offer me instead."

"Of course, none of that would slip by you, huh?" She kept a small smile to herself. Her family is known in the business industry, and although not like any of the top-rated ones, it sells well.

Marius gave her a keen look before settling into a nod. Best not to question her further.

"If ever you don't pass, I'll have a list of openings that are hiring, I'm sure one of them would best fit you. Though, HR Assistant best suits you, hmmm?"

Saying as if he's sure she doesn't need to although, just in case. She appreciates his helpfulness, she won't take any of it for granted.

"I wouldn't even face you if I failed any of this, Marius."

"So you better not." He even shots her an encouraging grin.

Finally, none of his overconfidence.

Though, she takes it as a compliment and warmth in her chest as he's able to be this cheeky around her. They both know they've had enough of the CEO mask crap he's putting up 24/7. It might be a similar and close age, but at the end of the day, Yule sees where Rosa is coming from. Marius is Marius.

※ my masterlist | #enjeiwrites ※

#vyn richter #mo yi #tears of themis #tot #vyn x reader #vyn: paradox series #enjeiwrites

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bitchking-of-angmar · 8 months

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Cont from the tags of the previous post:

It’s so fascinating to me how different people approach roleplaying in so vastly different ways.

I have been playing DnD in different iterations for uh. 14 years now and I have never read a single DnD rule book. I skimmed a couple, I need to check them every time I roll a new character, but that’s pretty much it. I don’t own a single one.

The longer I think about it, I think what bothers me about a lot of rules in DnD especially is that they break my immersion. Good roleplay to me is able to catch my flimsy attention span 100%. It will give me a real, genuine, physical reaction to what is happening in the story. A lot of the rules feel like an intrusive user interface that limits your creativity and options with creative problem solving.

I think that is why I dread classic combat so much as well. Feels like you just saw the most heart wrenching beautiful Final Fantasy cutscene only to be thrown into 2hrs of almost fully automated pixelated Diablo 1: The Board Game edition. It bores me to death. There is little to no imagining going on, few chances for creative input, a LOT of math (which I am not very good at and kind of ashamed about) and depending on your group size, you can just zone out for ~15min until it is your turn again. And what happens on your turn? Oh, you missed both of your attacks? Tough luck. Wait for another 15min to try again.

My ADHD brain cannot handle that. I will start pacing around the room or check my phone or make an excuse to leave early because that’s the antithesis of engagement and fun to me.

My ideal roleplaying game would throw 90% of rules out of the window. The only combat is the one you roleplay. No floor plan, no stats, no miniatures, maybe not even dice rolls. Just y’all hallucinating shit collectively and negotiating that space as equals. Maybe there is one person that is a narrator, maybe not. I’m so fucking serious when I say I just want to play playground make belief with people.

In that sense the Rule Lawyer would be my natural enemy. That does not mean that I cannot peacefully co-exist with them in a group setting though. Experienced players that are very well versed with the rules of their respective systems can help make rule enforcement more consistent and reduce group conflict, while having someone like me in your party will lead to unhinged roleplay that keeps people on their feet. Again, it’s all about communicating needs and expectations.

DnD for example consists of both rule based mechanics and roleplay. To me, if you throw out the roleplay and only play strictly by the rules, you have a below average boardgame that barely benefits from being played with other people. You might as well just enjoy those mechanical aspects with a computer. If you throw out the mechanics fully you get highly insane fantasy improv theatre, which also isn’t everyone’s tea (but exactly what I have been craving all my life please if you know how I can get this CALL ME IMMEDIATELY I AM AT MY LIMIT).

#DICE

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ruthserbel · 1 year

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Fanfiction Information [x] Chapter Title: Oblivion (part 1) Song: Oblivion by Bastille Release Date: April 15th, 2023 Word Count: 5.9k Content Warnings: There are mentions of blood, and I would describe it as mild violence? There is also some flashbacks of what I would consider harassment (unsure if others would view it that way, but figured I should warn people just to be safe!) If you have better terms, let me know and I will update this - and if I forgot anything, please let me know! Notes: Firstly, I've changed my URL. I am no longer uurravity, I am now ruthserbel (I had to go back and update all of the old links, which took so much time, sos) Secondly, I've removed the playlist, as I've decided to remove the song aspect. If there is a song that is used for chapters, I will add the song specifically to the post. Also, this is part one of the chapter. The next chapter is going to be a lot of previous events from Aria's past, as Ruth is going to get some answers~ More notes are under the read more, as it was getting quite long with disclaimers.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Notes (cont.): Something I will say is I toned down (at least for this chapter, unsure if it will go back to the way I had planned it) the character (introduced in this chapter) acted in the past. He's depicted (rightfully so) as a shitty character, who thinks kinda highly of himself... Please, please, please, if something like his attitude/actions bothers you, let me know how you want me to tag this for him showing up in other chapters acting the same way, and I can also remove parts and send you personalized chapters if wanted (you need submit open for me to do so). I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable reading this. I will also take this moment to say, these characters, and the way that they act, or think, or speak is not a representation of me. I do not always agree with some of the things in here. They are fictional.

Aria's POV

Aria placed the piece of paper she had been using as a bookmark in the book she had been reading for the last few hours. She carefully closed the book, setting it down on the table in front of her. She then turned to look at Lily, who was sitting beside Ruth. The two of them were looking at a book that was on the table, Ruth helping Lily read it. Jasper, Lily and Aria had been in Anatol for a few weeks. Jasper had been spending his free time with Hebaron or Gabel. Meanwhile, while Jasper was busy, Ruth had started teaching Lily to read and write. Aria typically joined them, reading her own books. Growing up Aria had been taught to read by a few of the people in her village. Although she exhausted all the books that her family owned, or that were owned by friends in the village. Once she had walked into the library in Anatol, she was shocked at the number of books that were there.

“Is it only you that reads?” Aria had asked Ruth as she looked through some of the books one night. “For the most part, yes, although…” Ruth started, looking up from the current pages he was writing on. “Maxi reads as well,” he said, pointing to a small stack of books that were at one end of the table. “She was mainly reading learning materials for medicine.” He added as he went back to working on the papers in front of him.

“Alright, Lily,” Ruth said, pulling Aria back to the present. “We’re going to have to stop for now,” he said, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth, letting out a small yawn. “Aww…” Lily complained as she closed the book in front of her. “Sorry Lily,” he said as she pushed the book forward on the table and slid off her chair. “There are more people coming today, so I was asked to help with them.” Ruth said, as he stood up from his spot as well. “More people?” Aria asked, confused. “Yeah. Riftan has hired another group of mercenaries. He wants the project done before winter,” Ruth explained, shrugging slightly. Once Ruth was done talking, Lily gently tugged on Aria’s shirt, getting her attention. “Can we go down to the market?” she asked, looking up at Aria. “I’ll see you two later,” Ruth interjected quietly said left the room with a small wave of his hand. Aria lifted her hand slightly, to wave back at him as he left before she turned back to Lily, answering her question. “Sure, I guess we can…” she trailed off. The word mercenary rung out in her head. 'It's nothing,' she thought to herself. “We can go see if Jasper wants to join us.” Aria added, as she placed her hand on Lily’s head. “Okay,” Lily said cheerfully. She reached up, grabbing Aria’s hand from her head, pulling Aria out of the library. “Where is Jasper right now?” Lily asked, as she led Aria. “Try the training grounds,” Aria said after a second of though. Jasper could typically be found there. She allowed herself to be dragged along by Lily. After a few minutes they rounded the corner to the training grounds. As Aria had expected, they spotted Jasper standing outside. Jasper looked over once they rounded the corner and waved. “Jasper,” Lily called out, letting go of Aria’s hand, and running over to Jasper. Aria followed behind Lily. She looked around, noticing the lack of knights around. When she reached Jasper and Lily, she heard Lily ask the question, “Do you want to come with us?” “Sure,” Jasper responded, before looking up to Aria, who was still looking around the area. “Mostly everyone is busy right now." Jasper said. "Due to the new group of mercenaries...” Jasper trailed off. "Yeah... Ruth explained already," Aria murmured. She knew what her brother was thinking. "Don't worry," she said, giving her brother a small smile. "There are so many... There's no way one of them would be him..." Aria reassured her brother. “True,” Jasper replied as Lily started to lead the way. After a moment of silence between them, Jasper spoke again. “Ready to go, Lils?” He questioned, to which Lily nodded, then started to walk in the direction of the market. During the walk Jasper and Lily conversed together. They talk about what she had learned during the day, and what she wanted to do that night. The two of them made small talk, which Aria tuned out after a bit of walking. Despite what Aria had said to her brother, she thought about it. If one of them did turn out to be him... Would things be alright? They hadn't seen each other in years, since he had left after turning 16. Him leaving had been a great relief to Aria.

"Aria," she heard his voice in her memories. "I like you," he admitted, looking right at her. Aria shook her head slowly. "I'm... I'm sorry, Conan... I don't feel that way for you," she replied, emphasizing the words 'that way'. She had always viewed him as a friend, or a brother who was close to the same age as her. "But..." he whispered, confused.

Aria felt a small pain on her lip, which she had been biting as she zoned out. “Ow,” she said quietly, bringing her back to the present.

For the rest of the walk, Aria listened to the conversations that Lily and Jasper were having. When they reached the market, Lily dragged Jasper away, showing him different things.

Aria looked around, trying to find somewhere to sit down while Lily and Jasper explored. Once she found somewhere to sit, she caught Jasper’s attention. Aria pointed to where she would be, which he responded with a nod before turning back to Lily.

Aria sat down, and looked around again, this time looking at the people who were there. They had come here a few times since coming to Anatol, so she noticed a few people that she had seen before.

Aria’s eyes landed on a group of men, who were wearing armour. She titled her head. ‘Must be some of the mercenaries,’ she thought to herself as she kept her gaze on them. ‘Wasn’t Ruth supposed meeting with them?’ she questioned herself again.

Once she thought that, she heard one of them speak up. “We should go, Conan” said the one who was closest to Aria, with his back towards her.

She froze as soon as she heard the name. Her body went from a decent temperature, to feeling as if she had cold water poured over her.

Aria looked at the group again, looking for any features she remembered. 'Coincidence, right?' She thought to herself as she looked at the group.

That was when she saw him. There was no mistaking it, it was him. He had grown up, sure, but he still looked the same as he did when he was younger.

"Aria," Conan's voice rang out from her memories. "I'm serious here," he pleaded. "So am I," Aria replied, feeling her anger grow. "Why don't you just take my 'No' as an answer, and drop it," she groaned, walking away from him. She took a few steps away before she felt a hand grab her wrist. Aria stopped on the spot, turning around to look at him again. "Let go," Aria demanded. Instead of loosening his grip on her wrist, Aria felt his hand tighten on her wrist.

“Aria,” Lily called out as she ran back over to Aria again, holding a piece of fabric that was used to tie hair back. Aria shook her head, looking down at Lily. “Look at this, Aria,” Lily said when she reached Aria, and she held the fabric out for Aria to see. Once Aria’s name was said, the man she had been looking at made eye contact with her, following Lily’s voice to her. Aria felt his gaze on her. Aria couldn't lift her head up again, to look in the direction of the man. She let her head fall, not wanting to make eye contact with the man again. “Aria?” Lily questioned after not getting a response from her. “Jasper, I don’t think she likes it,” Lily said as Jasper walked up, frowning up at him. “Sorry, Lily,” Aria said quietly, before she lifted her head again so she could see what Lily was holding out. Her eyes flickered to the fabric to where the men were. He was for sure there. Her hands curled into a ball, the pain from her nails digging into her skin. “It’s… pretty,” she said as her eyes went back to the fabric. Before she could say anything else, Jasper spoke. “You don’t look so good,” Jasper said as he knelt to Aria’s level, looking at her face now. “You’re pale…” he said as he held his hand up to her face. “Are you okay?” He questioned, putting his hand under her chin, tilting it up again. “I’m fine.” Aria said as she twisted her chin out from his hand, catching a brief glimpse of the man. Aria felt her fists grip tighter once she saw that he was walking towards them. “We… Uh…” she stammered, trying to think of what to say. She could feel her fingernails digging deeper into her skin as she stammered. Her heart started to beat loudly, almost as if it was drums inside of her. The sound from around her started to fade away. “There you four are,” the voice broke through. Aria lifted her head, looking up to the voice she heard. "Ruth," she whispered.

Ruth's POV

Ruth looked around the market for the four men who had been missing. He let out a groan as he walked around the market. He was tired and would rather be sleeping, or just working away in the library. Yet he was forced to help instead today. When he made it to the main part of the market, he looked around again. In the back of his mind, he wondered if Aria and Lily had come to the market or not. He had left before Aria had even answered Lily. His question was answered when heard Jasper’s voice within the crowd. He looked in the direction of Jasper's voice and found the three of them. Ruth watched as Jasper tilted Aria’s face up, and he saw her pale complexation. His eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion. She had seemed fine earlier, however she was pale now, looking almost ill. Ruth followed Aria's gaze to the dark-haired man. It was one of the men he was here looking for, but… Ruth’s eyebrows furrowed deeper, getting more confused. The dark-haired man was making his way towards Aria. Ruth looked back to Aria. She now had her face down again, but her knuckles that were balled up. They looked as if they were strained from the amount of pressure she was using. There was something wrong here. Before Ruth even thought about it, he composed his face, and decided to step in. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but he felt as if it was going to end well if he didn’t stop this. “There you four are,” he called out, looking at the dark-haired man, getting his attention. The dark-haired man who had been walking towards Aria stopped. He tilted his head to look in Ruth’s direction. Ruth swallowed a sigh before he spoke again. “You four should come with me,” he said, his gaze now landing on each one of them in turn. “We should go now,” he added, looking back to the dark-haired man. The dark-haired man looked back over to Aria for a second before turning to walk towards Ruth. As the man walked over, Ruth looked between the man in front of him now, and Jasper and Aria. He stayed silent for a moment. Once the other mercenaries made it to him, he held his hand up for a second. “One moment,” he said to the men in front of him. He walked over to Aria and Jasper, getting close to them so they wouldn’t be overheard. “I’m not sure what is going on, but…” Ruth spoke softly, as he looked down to Aria, who’s eyes were still on the ground. “Gabel came with me… I’ll tell him you three are here, and he will walk back with you guys.” Ruth said, his eyes turning to Jasper now, who nodded in response. Ruth wanted to ask Jasper what had happened, but he didn’t have the time. He stood in silence for a moment, his gaze going back to Aria again, who hadn’t moved at all. “Aria…” Ruth whispered after a moment, lifting his hand to place it gently on her shoulder. Before he left, he wanted to hear that she was fine. Although, once his hand met her shoulder, Aria jumped , causing Ruth to lift his hand again. He knew he wasn’t going to get to ask her if she was okay. Ruth stood with his hand held in the air for a moment before he let it fall back to his side. He let out a soft sigh as his focus switched back to Jasper. “Please make sure she gets back to her room safe,” Ruth said, although he knew he would have already planned that. “I’ll go now,” he breathed. He waited a second before he spun around, walking back over to the group of men who were waiting for him. Ruth looked at the men in front of him again, and after a moment he started walking, calling back to them. “Follow me,” he said, walking back towards the meeting area.

Aria's POV

Aria kept her eyes down as she heard the footsteps fade away from them. Once she couldn’t hear them anymore, she lifted her head, meeting Jasper’s gaze now.

“Do you feel sick?” Jasper inquired Aria.

Aria shook her head in response. She wasn’t sure she wanted to let him know what the actual issue was, not now at least.

Jasper looked at his sister for a few seconds. Realizing that he wasn’t going to get many answers from her, he stood up. He placed his hand on her shoulder, which caused her to jump again, although he kept his hand there.

After a few minutes, Lily spotted Gabel walking towards them. She ran to him, holding out the fabric again. “Do you like it?” she questioned Gabel who let out a chuckle from her excitement.

“It’s nice, Lily,” he replied, and he looked towards Aria and Jasper. Jasper seemed to be recomposed, but Aria still was pale. “Is she okay to walk?” Gabel asked, as he walked over to them, Lily leading him.

Aria stayed silent, for a moment, not answering him. She tried to force herself to speak. She quickly realized she couldn’t get anything to come out, so she nodded instead.

With her response, the four of them walked back. This time both Aria and Jasper staying silent as Gabel and Lily chatted between each other. Jasper walked beside Aria, looking at her every few steps to make sure she was fine.

Aria kept her face turned away from the group, looking off into the distance.

"Conan, what are you doing?" Aria's memories played back again. She looked at Conan, his hand pressing her shoulder against a tree. "Let me go, please. My brother is waiting for me," Aria said as she tried to free herself from him. "I've given you... many chances" Conan growled at her. "And I've told you no each time," Aria said, still attempting to free herself. "Oh please," Conan laughed. His hand pressed down on her should further as he leaned close to her. Aria turned her head, avoiding him. She was unable to free herself. "Who else is there, Aria? There's no other people our age here," Conan continued. "Are you expecting someone stranger to happen by here and take a fancy to you?" He said. "That's... Not it..." Aria said, trying again to break free from him. "Please, just let me go," Aria pleaded, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Please... My brother," she said through small sobs. "Aria?" A small voice questioned. Aria didn't need to lift her head to see who it was. "Well, would you look here," Conan hummed, taking his hand off her shoulder, causing Aria to fall to the ground. "Hello Jasper," Conan greeted happily. "Conan... Leave him alone," Aria said as she tried to stand up again. She looked over to Jasper who was looking at her with a worried expression. "Jasper..." Conan started, walking towards Jasper, who looked up at him, startled. "You see," Conan said, placing his hand on Jasper's shoulder once he reached him. "I need your help, I think your sister will do something if you ask her," Conan mused. Jasper looked back to Aria, and he shook his head. "No..." Jasper insisted. "Whatever it is... It's made her upset." "Jasper," Aria said, more tears forming in her eyes. She pushed herself off the ground, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Once she had composed herself, she started to walk over to her brother. "Conan, please let us go," she said when she got closer to them. She took another step towards them before she felt something flat hit her cheek. Aria let out a scream of pain as soon as she felt his hand meet her face. "Aria!" Jasper screamed, before being shoved to the ground. Aria let out a groan as she lifted her hand to cover her cheek. "What the hell, Conan," Aria screamed after a moment. She glared at him as he walked closer to her again. "New plan..." Conan sneered, taking slow steps towards her. "You say no again, and your kid brother-" Conan started before there was a shuffle in the trees around them. Conan spun around, looking for whatever was making the noise. Aria took the moment of opportunity, and ran over to Jasper, who was still on the ground, shocked.

“Aria?” Jasper’s voice came from behind the door.

Aria hadn’t even noticed they had made it back. She didn’t notice she was in her room until she heard the knock on the door, shaking her back to the present.

Aria thought about responding to him, but when she opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out. She sat there silently for a moment, her mouth ajar.

Jasper’s shadow under the door vanished after a minute without another knock.

Aria let out a small sigh as she listened to the footsteps in the hallway disappear. She laid down on her bed, turning herself so she could look out the window. The sun was low in the sky, creating an orange sky.

‘Must be dinner time,’ she thought to herself as she closed her eyes. ‘I’m not hungry anyway…’ Aria thought as she laid there. Her body quickly overtaken by sleep.

---

Aria felt her body shake with a violent sob as she pressed her hands down on the body in front of her. No matter how hard she pushed, blood was still coming out. Her hands painted deep red from how long she had been trying to stop the bleeding. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at the face of the body in front of her.

This was happening because it was her fault. She heard a noise behind her, but she didn’t turn to look. Instead, she let out another sob as she rearranged her hand on the body in front of her. To no avail as the blood kept seeping through her fingers.

“This… It’s too far,” she stammered through her teeth. She knew who was behind her, but she still couldn’t bring herself to face them. “You didn’t have to do this,” she said, her voice getting louder as frustration started to kick in.

No matter what she did, the blood didn’t seem to slow down.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to the person in front of her. “I… I should have done someth-“ Aria stammered, before she was cut off by the person behind her. The person knelt down beside her.

“You know,” Conan started, lifting a strand of her hair with their finger, twirling it around. Aria wanted to pull away from them, but she didn’t want to lift her hands off the body in front of her. “If you would have listened to me, I wouldn’t have had to do this.” They said as they let her hair fall from their finger. “Poor Jasper,” he whispered.

Hearing her brother’s name made her freeze for a moment. For the first time she looked up at the face of the body in front of her. She let out a shriek as she saw for the first time – this was her brother.

Aria rose in her bed, letting out a scream. She quickly stopped herself, realizing what had happened was in her dream. Her heart raced drowning out all sounds around her.

She had been trying to save her brother. Her hands were coated in her brother’s blood. Instinctively, Aria lifted her hands up, looking at them. She felt some relief when she couldn't see any trace of blood on her hands. She let out a soft sigh, dropping her hands down at her side.

'It was a dream...' She thought to herself, trying to calm down.

Aria turned her head to look out the window, she took deep breaths. The moon was now in showing in the sky, along with many stars.

If she had any chance of getting back to sleep, she needed to calm her heart, and relax again. After minutes of deep breathing, she was still wound up, her heart still racing.

She threw her legs off the side of the bed, and stood up, flattening out the clothing she had been wearing. Aria started pacing around the room, going back and forth to calm herself down. But, it was a failed attempt as well. After a few minutes of pacing, she let out a groan. “I’m wide awake now,” she groaned to herself, as she walked over to the door. “I’ll go see if I can find something to read, I guess,” she said as she opened her bedroom door. She looked down the hallway, but no one was walking around.

Aria tiptoed, being careful to not let her footsteps echo as she walked down the empty hallway. She didn’t want to deal with Jasper’s questions about what had happened, nor why she was up. She silently made her way to the library, sliding past the door.

The room was being illuminated by a fireplace along the far wall, and a small candle on the table. She saw no presence of anyone else. With that realization, she let out a low sigh.

Aria made her way to the table, and picked up the candle that was there. 'I wonder who left the candle lit...' she thought to herself as she started to walk towards the empty chair she often used.

“I would appreciate it if my light wasn't stolen.” A voice jokingly spoke from within the bookshelves.

Aria jumped, turning around to reveal who had spoken. Ruth stood in front of one of the bookshelves, flipping the pages of a book in his hand. He flipped a few more pages as Aria composed herself, before he closed the book again. He lifted his head, a small smile on his lips.

“Sorry,” Aria apologized as Ruth walked past her. She placed the candle back down where it had been.

“If you want some light,” Ruth began as he sat down, opening the book in his hands again, not looking up from it as he spoke. “Why don’t you sit there instead,” Ruth added, gesturing with his hand to the spot in front of him.

"Okay," Aria said with a small nod, and she reached over to grab her book from earlier. She sat down in the chair across from Ruth, pulling herself closer to the table once she was seated.

She opened her book, removing the paper that she had stuck in there before, and set it down on the table. The room stayed silent for a while, as Ruth skimmed the book he was reading. He occasionally stopping to write something down on some paper in front of him.

Aria on the other hand, didn’t turn a single page. She thought she would be able to calm down reading, but instead she stared at the page. After a while, her heart started to calm down, although the dream still played in the back of her head as she sat there. She couldn’t get the image of her brother laying there out of her head.

Ruth eventually laid down his book on the table, and looked across at Aria, who was staring at her book, zoned out. In the semi-lit room. “You look better than you did earlier today,” Ruth noted, breaking the silence that the room had been in.

Aria’s eyes darted up at the sudden sound. “Oh… Yeah, I guess I was tired. ” She grabbed the piece of paper from the table again, placing it back into the book in her hands.

“Is that all it was?” Ruth asked quizzically. The light from the two fires in the rooms gave off enough light for Aria to be able to make out Ruth’s facial expressions. She knew he didn’t believe her, but she didn’t want to explain it to him either. She shrugged her shoulders, hoping he would drop the issue.

“Yeah,” Aria whispered as she set her book down on the table. “Um… Anyway,” she started, trying to move past that conversation. “What are you doing up this late?” Aria questioned, folding her arms in front of her on the table.

Ruth let out a small chuckle at Aria’s question. “I needed to finish something up, which,” Ruth said, pointing to the paper in front of him. “It's almost done now,” he added. He pushed both the book and the paper before he spoke again. “Although…” he said as he made eye contact with her again. “I should be asking you what you’re doing up this late?” he said in a teasing tone, leaning back in his chair.

“Oh…” Aria said pausing for a moment. “I had a bad dream,” she sheepishly explained. She wasn’t lying when she said that. “Couldn’t get back to sleep, so… I decided to come read instead.” Aria explained, a small smile growing on her face as she smiled. She hoped he wouldn’t ask her any more questions about it.

A small frown grew on Ruth’s face for a few seconds before he composed himself and stood up again. He placed the book in his hand, and he walked around the table, collecting a few books that were sitting around. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ruth questioned as he walked back over to the bookshelves with the stack of books in his hand.

Aria thought about it for a moment. Could she explain it without going into too much detail? She shook her head after some thought. “No… It’s fine,” she answered as Ruth walked back around the table, sitting down again.

“Alright,” Ruth said.

Silence fell around them again, as Ruth took the paper again, and started writing a few more things down. Aria watched him as he wrote, her eyes growing heavy as she listened to the sound of his writing. Aria held back a yawn as she laid her head down on the table, shutting her eyes.

Ruth's POV

After a while of writing on the paper, Ruth pushed the paper aside again. He decided he would finish up tomorrow, exhaustion starting to hit him. He lifted his head, looking to Aria, who he expected to still be awake, however, she was fast asleep. He let out a small chuckle after a moment.

“So much for not being able to sleep.” Ruth murmured, reaching his hand out moving a few strands of hair that was covering her face. “You should go back to your bedroom,” Ruth added, pushing the strands of hair behind her ear.

Ruth pulled his hand back, remembering the events from the day. He wasn’t sure why that man - whom he later learned was named Conan - seemed to cause an internal issue for her. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to get it out from her.

‘Jasper might tell me…’ Ruth thought to himself, as his gaze moved towards her hand. Earlier he had seen her balling her fists up to the point of straining her knuckles. As he gaze moved to her palms, he noticed small crescent cuts on her hands.

Ruth leaned back further into his chair as he played the events of the day back in his head. He let out a sigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. 'What was it about him?' Ruth questioned himself, however his mind couldn't keep up with his thoughts.

"I guess I can't say much about you sleeping in here," Ruth murmured as he lowered his head onto the table in front of him.

Aria's POV

Aria woke up shivering. She reached around her, searching for something to cover up with, but her hands found nothing. “What the…” she grumbled as she lifted her head. “Oh…” she whispered, remembering where she was.

Aria looked towards the fire - or what had been a fire. The wood that had been on fire was now charcoal and unlit, causing the temperature in the room to drop. Aria moved to sit up, her back protesting from having been leaning forward for hours. She looked out the window, and saw the light orange on the skyline, signalling that it was early morning.

She reached her arms over her head, stretching. She let out a yawn, wrapping her arms around herself, rubbing her arms attempting to warm herself up a bit.

After a few seconds of rubbing her arms, she felt something drape over her shoulders. She turned around in her seat and saw Ruth behind her, walking towards the exit of the library. “Good morning,” he said as he walked away.

“You should maybe head back to your room soon, or you brother is going to be worried,” he added as he got closer to the door.

Aria gave a small nod in response as she lifted her hand to the neck of the cloak that was draped around her shoulder. “Thanks…” she said as she repositioned it on her shoulders. Ruth waved his hand in the air as a response, before he left the room.

Aria sat there for a moment, staring at the doorway. ‘Did he stay here last night?’ she thought to herself.

After a few moments, she stood up from the chair, her legs protesting as she tried to walk to her bedroom. 'I'm never sleeping while sitting again,' Aria thought to herself as she walked. She walked her way to her bedroom, opening the door when she heard a voice from behind her.

“Aria…?” the voice said in confusion. “Where were you?” They asked.

Aria looked back and saw her brother, stepping out of his bedroom. “Library,” she responded.

“Were you there all night…?” He questioned, looking at her outfit. She gripped the neck of the cloak again with her fingers.

“I… accidentally fell asleep in there,” she added with a shrug, omitting the fact that she hadn't been alone.

“Let me guess…” Jasper said, a smile playing at his lips as he leaned back against the wall beside his bedroom door. “You fell asleep reading a book, didn’t you?” He questioned, a full smile on his lips now.

Aria let out a small laugh as her brother smiled at her. She was relieved that he wasn’t trying to ask her questions about what happened the previous day. She wanted to act as if it hadn’t have happened, as if it wasn’t true.

“Yeah, something like that,” she said, opening her door more. “I’m going to go change, then we can go down and get something to eat,” she said as she turned back to walk into her bedroom.

---

Aria, Lily and Jasper made their way downstairs once they were all dressed. Once they neared the dining hall, they heard conversations from inside the room. Lily pushed the door open - with Jasper's help. Lily made her way over to where Ruth, Hebaron and Gabel were sitting, having a conversation.

“You know the library isn’t your secondary bedroom, right Ruth?” Hebaron asked as he lifted his cup to his mouth, taking a sip.

“I thought Riftan had already told you to stop sleeping in there, didn’t he?” Gabel asked, leaning back in his chair, looking over to Jasper, Lily and Aria as they walked up to the table.

Aria felt Jasper look down at her as they overheard their conversation. She hadn’t lied to him about last night, but she also hadn’t given him the full information. She kept her eyes averted from his, not wanting to answer questions about it right now. Although she knew he would have a bunch when they were alone again.

“He did, although no one ever enters the library other than me… for the most part.” Ruth pointed out, shrugging as he followed Gabel’s gaze, seeing them walk over.

“Good morning,” Aria said when she reached the table. She was met replies of greeting from the knights as she pulled out the chair that was beside Ruth.

Hebaron went back to the previous conversation. “How is it even comfortable to sleep in a library?” He asked, looking to Aria now as she sat down. “It can't be comfortable, can it?” He asked as he took another sip of his drink.

Aria bit her lip, feeling Jasper’s gaze again as he sat down across from her. “Um…” she hesitated. “Well... I guess you can lean on the table…” she said, her eyes flickering over to Jasper, who was looking at her quizzically. She quickly looked away, turning her head to look towards Ruth now, who had a smirk playing on his lips.

“It’s not a bad place,” Ruth finally replied, as he leaned back in his chair. “Although, you knights wouldn’t know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hebaron replied, letting the conversation end.

Ruth's POV

The conversations broke into smaller conversations as everyone started to eat. Jasper and Hebaron were having their own small conversation amongst themselves. Occasionally Gabel or Lily would jump in.

Aria and Ruth stayed silent. Jasper occasionally looking over at them before going back to the conversation. Aria felt his gaze each time, but she ignored it.

After a while, Ruth stood up, collecting the paper that he had set to the side. Before he started to walk away, he looked across the table at Jasper.

‘If I want to know…’ he thought to himself.

“Jasper…” Ruth started, waiting to continue until Jasper was looking at him. “When you have time today, can you come find me?” Ruth asked to which Jasper nodded in response.

‘I guess I’ll get some answers.’ Ruth thought to himself before he excused himself from the dining room.

taglist: @tylerhasmyheart, @farce-melancholy

#touch utot ff #ruth serbel ff #ruth serbel #under the oak tree #under the oak tree ff #this chapter is long because i had to set some things up for future chapters~~#and because i feel bad about not putting a chapter out for a bit

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