#considering all the shit i got up to in my teens it's kind of incredible that this is the first time i end up at the hospital
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#considering all the shit i got up to in my teens it's kind of incredible that this is the first time i end up at the hospital#apparently i was telling my husband to 'put a baby in me' (the worst fucking phrase)#while in a state that made it abundantly clear that i'm not ready for motherhood#yeah super charming just blood all over i can't believe he puts up with me
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These ES/LS snippets are truly saving my need for more of your fics.
You very quickly became my favorite wincest author, hitting every one of my favorite tropes(hurt/comfort is my bread and butter too!) And I'm excitedly(and impatiently lol) waiting for your next fics to come out.
Your writing is SO GOOD and I find myself going back to your fics all the time. My first was your love potion fic and that's still one of my absolute favorite samdean fics out there.
This isn’t really an ask so much as it is an appreciation lol. Can't wait for your next fic!
(If this was an ask though, I'd love more thoughts on your ES/LS universe and even MORE hurt/comfort and jealousy lol)
BABE???? OH MY????
i don't even know what to say! this is the nicest compliment!!!!! you're so incredibly kind, and i'm so unbelievably honoured that my work is special to you!
EEP! i can't even express how much this ask means to me!!!! there are literally no words!!!! the love potion fic was meant as a fun little add-on to that month's challenge, but i've been blown away by how much folks have liked it--i live for a little melodrama and H/C, lol!
every writer dreams of getting asks like this one, and just ARGH! i'm kissing you on both cheeks!!!!!
as for upcoming things, my next fic will probably be my teen!chesters piece for the wayward sons zine (it will be HEFTY). charlotte and i were outlining this fic, and it ended up being about five pages of outline. so def a larger one!
because this ask was so incredible and lovely and kind (so kind?? holy shit?? my hand in marriage??) i wrote a little thing for you! i hope you like!
dean rubs his hands on the sides of his jeans, before he catches himself doing it. shit.
he crosses his arms, then realizes that he looks awkward and posed, so he uncrosses them again. he pushes his hair back from his face--but fuck, what if his hair looks weird now? dean checks frantically around for a reflective surface, but the only thing even close to him is a giant telescope, and--even though he briefly considers it--there's no way he'd be able to crawl back up it and down in time.
"what are you doing?" he mutters to himself, able to at least recognize that he's acting like a preteen about to meet one of the jonas brothers.
it's just sam.
just sam, kind of, dean's brain quietly corrects. it's just sam, but fucking huge.
it's just sam, but his ridiculous hair has grown and curls softly around his ears, brushes his jaw when he ducks his head. it's just sam, except his arms are bigger than dean's head. dean didn't miss the show the other day when sam came to look for something and lifted a fucking stuffed armchair with one arm.
(dean tried it later, and it took him both hands and two tries to get it off the ground. that thing must be reinforced with some crazy cold war steel or something. definitely.)
dean eyes the main room again. he should just sit at the big table. he eyes the big sword on one of the shelves. no--focus. sam went into "library annex 3" to find a book that he thought dean should absolutely take a look at, and left dean, dazzled, in his wake. so dean is going to sit here and wait, because he's been running out of excuses to see sammy lately.
dean slumps into one of the chairs, sighing. what is wrong with him?
he gets so...easily distracted whenever sammy--future-sam or whatever--starts talking to him. and most of it isn't even his fault, okay? sammy always puffs up whenever either 2006 winchester gets close, a dick-measuring if dean's ever seen one. as soon as sam got a single inch on dean in height, dean's never heard the end of it. but this sammy, older sammy, straightens up and his chest gets all big and--fuck--arms! big arms!!
dean keeps trying to find plausible excuses for sammy to take off his shirt because dean is convinced he has a six-pack under there, and it's his right to know!
"i found it!" a muffled voice from down the hallway, so deep that dean's brain goes a little sideways. and dean feels his whole body lock up, like he's just been thrown out of an airplane.
sam--sammy steps through the doorway, holding up a book triumphantly. his eyes are bright, and he's got little wrinkles at the corners, barely there. his grin is radiant, and dean feels absurdly like he's looking directly at one of those religious frescos with the yellow circles behind everyone's heads. sam would get a kick out of that.
dean whimpers. he straight up fucking whimpers, covering it quickly with a cleared throat.
"great!" he says, too bright. it's not his fault! it's not! dean barely resists the urge to bash his own head in.
so sue him! sam is suddenly huge and old and glad to see dean? he lights up whenever dean walks into a room, greeting him warmly. he seems to find dean adorable, which dean kind of resents, but it's hard to stay mad at sammy when he clearly finds so much delight in seeing him.
and 'sammy' isn't helping. 'sammy' had always been a dean word. it had been an 'us' word, a 'they don't know you like i know you, they can't understand you like i can' word. as soon as dean's own sam--2006 sam--had shrugged off the word, and older sam had donned it, dean knew he was screwed. wires crossed. you can only call so many men 'sammy' before you start to tease them and want to be around them and give them shit and look at their huge fucking tits--wait...no. shit. focus!
"so get this," sammy says, and he slides into the chair next to dean, smooth and graceful and so in touch with every muscle in his body that dean has to catch his breath a little. and his chest does something funny, because sam shows him the book and starts babbling.
he starts babbling. like a two year old sam and an eight year old sam and a twelve and a fifteen and an eighteen year old sam.
it seems impossible that this person--this man, all poise and purpose and focus, whose eyes can cut and soothe, whose stubble scratches when he rubs a hand across his jaw--is still dean's sam. dean's sammy.
and he knows it. and he likes it. this sammy brushes his shoulder and doesn't recoil like it burns. he looks to dean first when something is wrong. dean saw, the other day, how his older self comforted sam after a nightmare, how easily sam contorted himself to fit the shape of older dean's arms. sam likes being dean's. or at least this version of dean.
"anyways, i think that this is probably our most comprehensive record of vampires--their habits, their physiology, their weaknesses. if you wanted to give it a read, i think it'll really come in handy." sam says, still talking like dean cares at all for vampires and not the exact shape of sam's mouth.
dean aches. he feels inadequate. there is something clearly in this dean that is worthy, something that sam finds lovable. or necessary. dean wants to be necessary. dean needs to be necessary.
"yeah." dean says, suddenly, when he realizes that sammy's looking for a response. "that--uh--that sounds great."
"you didn't hear a thing i said, did you?" sammy asks, eyebrow raised, teasing and knowing and fuck--dean's chest collapses. sam knows him.
it's so strange to be known by this...this man. this man who blots out the sun with his shoulders, and has callused hands, and looks at dean like he's proud of him. this man knows him. this man is sammy, and that's all dean every really needs.
"naw." he says, scrubbing a hand in the close-shorn hair at the back of his head, abashed and feeling strange. "'m sorry."
"don't be." sammy rolls his eyes, but it's in good humour. sam--2006 sam, and it's weird that dean has already made that distinction--would genuinely be put out. he thinks dean doesn't take him seriously.
both sams are alien to dean. sam, because his burden is eating him alive. he's terrified of himself, of his powers. furious at what he's becoming and increasingly furious at dean for not taking his own safety seriously. like sam could ever hurt him.
and this sammy, of course, is different. he's physically very different, but also...softer? that's the wrong word. he's easier, maybe. his smiles are soft and he thinks through things before he says them. he doesn't hurt to hold in your hand like sam does, all spikes and hard edges like rock that resents you for holding it. sammy is a stone worn smooth by a river, and dean doesn't know if that makes him a bad brother.
he doesn't want to know, because he can't think about this being another way of failing sam. dean's been failing sam since that first over-long look in 1995.
this sam, at least, dean has a reason for not understanding completely. time has made a stranger of his brother, not circumstance, and time is easier to blame.
"what?" sammy asks, and dean snaps back to the present, abashed again. god. it's like his first fumbling date a fourteen all over again. but wait, no it's not--why did dean think that?
"nothing. sorry. you're just--" dean can't find the words. sammy seems delighted at this, eyes sparking with a challenge like they're both in on a joke.
"i'm..." he prompts, drawing it out. dean sputters. he and sam give each other shit all the time. it shouldn't feel different with this sam, but...it does.
"hi."
dean jerks away, sitting up straight in his chair. sam stands in the doorway. he looks pissed. his hands are balled into fists at his sides, his jaw is set, and he's...not looking at dean.
dean looks to sammy, whose eyes widen. he seems surprised by something. proud of something.
"dean wants to know if we're ready for dinner. what are you doing?" sam asks, words loaded. dean's about to jump in, feeling weirdly guilty. they're just talking about a book, it's not like they were--
"just talking with my little brother." sam says, jostling dean's shoulder with his elbow, like this is all a big joke but what the fuck?? dean's spine melts and drips down his ribs. oh my fucking god.
little brother little brother little brother sam could pin dean down if he wanted to, dean looks down at sam's huge fucking hands oh my god, little brother--
"you--" sam starts, and sammy sits up straighter, tilting his head forward like he's coaching sam through something, but sam's eyes are suddenly on dean, and dean freezes.
he doesn't know what to do under sam's critical gaze. the weight in his stomach is definitely guilt, but dean doesn't know why. dean looks away first.
"we're just talking shop, sam." dean says to his hands. a pause. dean hears sam leave, his footsteps echoing down the corridor.
he better not be going to see that old geezer. dean doesn't like he way he looks at sam.
"we almost had him," sammy says, thoughtful. dean looks up, and sammy is looking down at him with an expression so fond that dean's throat closes. "next time."
dean's heart beats faster.
oh man. he is so fucked.
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Epic Buddie Fic Rec | October 9th-15th 2023
Hey guys!
I'm trying to get back into the habit of making these recs every week. I've been working on a banner and it's not ready yet, but I didn't want to wait for it to be ready before making fic recs because procrastination = bad!! 😆 I hope you enjoy!
If you don't know me from my other fic rec blogs, I rec pretty much all the fics that I've read and that I've enjoyed in these recaps, but I put an emoji next to the ones that I liked just a liiiiiittle bit more 😉 For Stucky, I used blue hearts (💙), for Steddie I used black hearts (🖤), and for Buddie... well the decision wasn't too hard to make 😜
Complete
take me to the edge (then let me fall) by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP | 1K | Explicit): Or, the one where Eddie edges Buck until he loses his mind all the while calling him a good boy.
🔥 but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Post-S6, Time Loop | 28K Mature): He puts his laptop away after a bit, and paces the length of his apartment as he tries to take stock of the situation at hand. One: The date is March 22nd, 2024. Two: It has been March 22nd for 3 days now. Three: Buck is trapped in some kind of time loop that is forcing him to relive this day. Four: Eddie is, apparently, in love with him. And. And. Five: Buck doesn’t feel the same way.
🔥 still by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Post-Season 6 AU, Near Death Experiences | 9K | Teen): “Your guess was correct, Diaz,” the bomb technician tells them, as he gestures to the orange circle. “You’re standing on a large sensor plate, wired to a detonator. It’s incredibly important that you don’t move. Don’t shift. When you put your weight down, it was like cocking a gun - you take your weight off, this thing is powerful enough to take the entire house with it."
to feel the need of your touch by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Light BDSM, Post-Season 6 | 7K | Explicit): When Natalia had casually suggested they stay fuck buddies, at least until he got his shit together about Eddie, Buck had seriously considered it. But it just wasn’t what he wanted. So, he had said no and Natalia had understood, and that was that. And now, Buck was miserable. He was so sensitive. His skin felt like a live wire. Any and all touches he received started to feel like a shock to his system. Or, the one where Buck is touchstarved and desperate for Eddie. They fuck but it's also really sweet.
reassure me with your praise by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Kinktober, Getting Together | 5K | Explicit): Or, the one where Buck is concerned he might be bad in bed and Eddie has a solution.
bet on it by honestlydarkprincess/ @honestlydarkprincess (PWP, Kinktober | 4K | Explicit): Or, the one where newly together Buck and Eddie make a bet to see who can last longer without sex. The bet lasts one day.
Something Dumb to Do by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Friends to Lovers, First Time | 8K | Explicit): "Too bad we can't just date each other." Eddie laughs. "What?" "No, I'm serious!" Buck sets his beer down, the better to gesture with both hands, face lighting up, and Eddie just—he really loves the guy, okay. Ridiculous as he is. "It would be so much easier! You wouldn't have to introduce a new person to Chris—he already likes me anyway—and you could tell Pepa so she'll stop setting you up on dates that don't go anywhere—" "And what would you get out of this?" Eddie asks, grinning. - Or: Buck and Eddie try something out together.
hope is a sword by marcato/ @callaplums (Post-Season 6, Near-Death Experiences | 5K | Teen): Holy shit, Eddie loves him so much. He’s been so stupid, telling himself to wait for the right moment. What right fucking moment? It should have been yesterday, three weeks ago– hell, it should have been three years ago when he was telling his best friend about the goddamn will. It doesn’t matter right now, though. The only thing that matters is keeping as much of Buck’s blood inside his body as possible. One can only hope and wish and pray.
🔥 Four Can Keep a Secret by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-Season 6, Secret Relationship | 20K | Teen): When Ravi and Hen accidentally see Buck and Eddie, who are trying hard to keep their new relationship a secret, in the middle of a romantic moment, they try to make them confess without the rest of the station finding out. Shenanigans ensue.
early hours of yearning by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (PWP, Kinktober | 4K | Explicit): “You really wanna go again?" “Yes,” he confirms, gently scratching his teeth down the side of his neck, treasuring the deep moan he gets in response. “God, you’re fucking insatiable," he hears Eddie moan as he tilts his head back, giving Buck more space to work. “Doesn’t feel like you’re complaining."
how forever feels by icesculptures/ @ice-sculptures @athenagranted (Post-Season 6, Getting Together | 8K | General): Or: tired of the growing distance between them, Eddie asks Buck to dance at Maddie and Chimney's wedding, healing more than his own heart along the way.
WIP
Don't They Know It's the End of the World? by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Fallout 4 AU, Post-Apocalyptic | 4/14 | 7K | Mature | Warning: Violence): After being put in a cryogenic sleep for over a hundred years to wait out an apocalyptic event, Eddie Diaz wakes up, too early, to find his son has been stolen from his cryo-chamber. Scared and alone in a frightening world he doesn't recognize, Eddie is willing to do anything to get his kid back.
🔥 Nothing Left But You by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars ("Blip" AU | 8/9 | 24K | Teen | Warning: MCD): In May of 2021, 25% of Earth's population suddenly disappears. Including Eddie. In May of 2026, they all come back. Eddie finds himself suddenly in the middle of a world he doesn't recognize, where the people he loves most have changed significantly.
Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Demon Buck, Canon Divergent | 2/? | 4K | Teen): Buck is a demon with the power to help with pregnancy, childbirth, and infant health. When the Buckleys make a deal asking for someone to help 'save their baby', Buck leaps at the chance as it will give him what he's always wanted: a life on earth. But demon deals are tricky and neither of them gets quite what they're after. This is Buck's journey as he navigates growing up on earth and remembering how to help those in need.
🔥 for all the haunts and homes of men by euadnes/ @kananjarus (Canon Divergent, Post-Apocalyptic, Station Eleven Crossover | WIP | 10/? | 85K | Mature | Warning: Violence): The year by the old calendar is 2025. Home is gone. Home is a failed rescue mission and an echo of a memory. Home is a lost boy living in a wooden house by the sea. But first, there was a promise. Christopher, when it's safe, I'll take you back to your father. Buck had all but given up on keeping it after the world had died and everyone in it. But just as some oaths refuse to be forgotten, so the same can be said about the endurance of love.
#buddie#buddie fic#911 fanfic#911 fanfiction#911 fic#buddie fanfic#buddie fanfiction#buddie fic rec#epic buddie fic rec
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where's the rant ???
Alright so rant time: people constantly argue that making a character a transwoman is the same as making them a ciswoman and frankly that’s wrong. I’m sorry but it is. As a small disclaimer: I’m nonbinary and I am in school getting a sociology degree. I will be using sex to refer to biology and gender to refer to otherwise.
Using Tim Drake as an example: the stories you tell with a transgirl or a cisgirl version are incredibly different from each other. Because men and women are socialized drastically different from one another. While the character of Tim Drake (fierce, loyal, hard working, generous, and wanting to do so much good) wouldn’t change so much else about Tim would in either option.
With a transgirl Tim Drake, you have how society would react to her and coming out. I’d also argue that she wouldn’t come out until her teen years because of Jack. No one can tell me that this man would be okay with his kid being a transgirl. You just can’t tell me that. Janet is a toss up because of the limited information we have on her as a character. She however did neglect her kid, and in general I think that as new or old money, whichever you want to use, she would have problems with image, considering that a trans child could go bad for the PR. But even ignoring the parents, a transgirl!Tim would have a totally different story. I expect her story woudl go much like canon for a while until she is able to articulate that she is a girl. Then I expect backlash from people, one of them being Stephanie.
I’m probably in the minority when it comes to my thoughts that Steph is a straight woman who would react to her partner coming out as a woman badly because ‘what does that say about ME?!’ I won’t go into my issues with Steph. Others have done it way better but I do think that she and Tim both messed up their relationship even if frankly most of the blame is on Steph’s feet. BUT ANYWAYS: Tim coming out would cause issues there. A harsh reaction is never great for a baby trans kid and I can see Tim retreating as Steph goes off to complain to someone like Babs. Who I then think would be upset with Steph for outing Tim. Baba then acts as a pillar for Tim who slowly can come out on her own terms. Bruce and Dick I don’t think would have an issue and Jason? Let’s be real: Jason wouldn’t give a fuck in the sense it’s “okay wait, girl? Okay… I’ll still beat the shit out of you”.
The media would pitch a fit and I think that YJ would become closer over this, but I also think that there will be backlash from other members of the cape community. There just isn’t a way there wouldn’t be because while sure a lot are accepting you can’t tell me everyone is. Also the rouges. Unless Bruce asks Tim to pretend to be a guy still which… OUCH. I feel that is on brand and also something Tim would struggle so much with but want to obey while everyone is yelling at Bruce.
Then a transitioning Tim when her father wakes up probably wouldn’t go back to him because I doubt his reaction is a good one, and so she stays with Bruce. Probably becoming adopted. She and Cass would bond and I can see Tim developing further and becoming more confident as time goes on. She is less confident as Robin as she is not allowed to be herself.
The Damian and I’m torn. On one hand: I kind of like the idea that the League are all assholes but they also are chill with queer people cause Ra’s is creepy with canon Tim. In the other this is something he can attack Tim over and I doubt he’d give up the chance the little psycho.
So… Damian would be a thorn but I think that Dick steps in way more here because ‘baby assassin trying to kill Tim since he doesn’t know better’ is very different then ‘a transphobic kid being a shit to Tim’. Sad but true.
Tim’s story drastically changes by being a transgirl and it’s one that is VASTLY different then being a ciswoman because Tim still was socialized as a boy from birth. There is still a level of privilege she got from birth that a ciswoman doesn’t. People would react to her being trans in multiple ways such as denial or disgust.
But a cisgirl!Tim? Well…
People expect different things from the sexes. Women are supposed to be soft, gentle, not to loud and are supposed to be kind. Boys get to be demanding and loud and smart and rough.
Tim as a girl would have Jack and Janet reacting differently. It’s a personal headcanon for me that Jack imposes a lot of his traits onto Tim as a boy because ‘it’s my son and he is thus like me’. A girl though he’d expect to be a ‘cute and soft girl who is there for me to pull out of the closest’ because frankly the guy who willing marries someone not even a decade older then his kid who uses to be his physical therapist is a LOSER who would. Janet is again a toss up but I feel she’d have more of an impact for this Tim as being a woman in buisness or archeology is a field she had to climb and claw her way through. Things she would then pass on to her daughter.
Women are expected to be feminine and gentle. I’m actually fond of a girly fem!Tim compared to others, but I think it’s more of a punk girly then not. Janet totally would have weaponized her femininity in a way Tim tries to mimic. Dresses, soft smiles, doe eyes but a sharp mind about to rip you apart. Her interests in photography would be dismissed as ‘artsy girl’ and she’d be put into ballet or gymnastics with some comments over martial arts.
Women will have people talk about them if they do anything out of the ordinary. They aren’t supposed to ride skateboards or things because that’s what boys are expected to do. They aren’t supposed to like climbing things or other shit.
Tim as someone born a girl, and as either new money or old money, would be expected to have certain traits a boy is allowed to not have. So without a doubt she had etiquette lessons and dance lessons and anything else her mother might have decided were useful because Jack wouldn’t have noticed anything. Even if it’s cause Janet got mocked by people for not knowing I can’t see Tim not having these lessons.
Tim who has a great mask and who keeps her lives seperate this would have her high society mask, her vigilante mask, her public self and her real self because girls are still expected to act a certain way in public. Any interest that deviates form what society expects is brushed off as ‘she’s trying to be unique’ or ‘tomboy’ or ‘fitting in with the boys’.
We finally get to Robin now because Tim is still Tim and I don’t doubt she would do the same thing, fight to become Robin, but with this comes it’s own problems. Threats of sexual assault, comments about being a girl, crude comments about opening her legs or how she fights: all of these would follow her. We can go: some rouges are nice all we want but not all of them are.
Then we have Stephanie and that relationship is already drastically changed because Stephanie again is straight, and I think that Tim would be able to connect to Steph much better as a girl. I still think it wouldn’t be the healthiest of friendships because of everything but I also think that Tim being a girl while having hard lines is very different from a boy with boundaries because Steph knows as a girl what it’s like to have boundaries. She would feel bad for breaking them compared to ‘Tim is upset I found out his identity boohoo why is he upset with me?’.
We have Dick to and I’m going to be real honest: I think Dick is sexist enough to make assumptions of Tim. He doesn’t have issues with women but in general he’s a bit of a douche bag (sleeping with Babs while inviting her to his wedding with Kori anyone?) that he would put some expectations on this Tim related to being a girl. Of course Tim tosses those out of the water and I think he’d adapt but still: Dick is just… I think he’s the guy who puts a lot of stock into blood relations more then we know (ala Damian) and that he’s got a few assumptions about the Robin title along with thoughts on girls.
Bruce is… I think his expectations would be similar to canon with an emphasis on her being a girl. He knows competent women but in his world most of the female heroes are super powered or criminals, with Barbara being a shining example of a non-powered hero who got hurt. He’s going to compare it. I think it would either be worse then canon or he’s going to shove her off on female heroes more because he isn’t sure how to handle her.
Barbara as well I think is closer then canon to Tim being a girl and sort of the Batfam early compared to Stephanie. I actually think Babs would be a lot more posessive of Tim because of this, but this miiiight just be me. I know Tim and Cass would be incredibly close as well much like canon.
Jason and Damian though? Okay so I’ll be blunt: Jason is the kind of guy who is a feminist and supports woman’s rights but has a few issues with women he’s never been able to articulate. Society would press on him women are supposed to be fantastic mothers who put their families first and then he gets Sheila and Catherine. And while Catherine may have loved him society says she’s a terrible mother. Then we have Talia and no matter what the ‘sleeping together’ thing is fucked up. It just IS. So Jason has issues. However I think said issues being thrown into his face would make him stop short. Yet his reaction to a girl taking the mantle is one that would be… tricky as hell.
Damian? Damian is sexist and could go one of four ways: a) canon, b) WORSE then canon, c) dismissive and arrogant assuming she is just there to be trained and would be shoved out of the role as soon as he’s there no need to fight which turns into canon reaction when she isn’t or d) an assumption she’s there as a bride for someone. Because frankly it is something I can see him assuming. Bruce training a girl much like how Dick/Jason was trained so eventually they would marry to be solid heirs. The LoA is messed up and Talia might be a woman but she was raised there so there’s probably a ‘exception to the rule’ mentality with her. And I can see Damian either then: deciding he would be Tim’s groom as the true heir to the Bat or he would go: well time to marry her off now.
Either works. He’d still be violent and cruel towards her but that’s just Damian in general until he mellows out.
I think losing Robin in this world would be much more of a blow for Tim because of the sexism she’s faced. Being the lesser Robin for being a girl, how people reacted to her being feminine, seeing how Dick so easily tosses her aside for a male child. How people probably would go: yes! A good Robin finally! Or how his more violent reaction probably gets praised over her. Mixed in with the dismissal of Bruce being alive which feels worse as women are always getting dismissed by people and Tim lashes out harder then in canon.
We then come back to Babs because there’s only two ways she can react: canon or she goes ‘I’ll listen for real as I know the guys suck at listening to the girls’ and making her decisions that way. (And let’s be real Babs would know. Give me more female solidarity in comics and not the weird catty crap we get otherwise)
We then have canon happen with Ra’s being just as creepy mixed with a lot more sexism on her world tour.
One thing I do think would happen like canon is Tim realizing she’s bisexual when Fem!Bernard comes along and gets her thinking about it because girls are allowed to be touchy with each other so her not knowing is twice as likely.
These stories are VASTLY different from one another and the assumption that they wouldn’t be is insulting. Yes, transwomen are women but there’s still a huge difference in a story about either of them. Both these stories have very different thoughts and reactions from characters.
Just pretending that they’re one in the same is wrong. And pretending there’s a moral high ground when you claim they are is just being a dick.
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more dante more dante fuel my obsession
dantes relationships with the others? :>>
Oooo good question :0
I'm gonna make this mystreet exclusive lol if you want mcd you're just gonna have to send another ask >:3c
Nova: much like in mcd, regards her almost like a little sister, although that's a relatively recent change. In high school, when he was much closer with Garroth and Laurance, he was way more focused on playing wingman for them, and as such tended to accidentally treat her more like some kind of prize. He's doing his best to make up for it now though <3
Aaron: sorry danron fans but these two do NOT interact, not in my heart (or my rewrite).. they don't have a huge amount in common, and before becoming close to Nova Aaron was a completely closed book, so there's no really reason for this two to really know each other. As such I think dante would have super neutral opinions about him
Garroth and Laurance: close friends, but not as close as they were in high school.. as teens they were quite the trio, but most people's focus was always on Garroth (rich) and Laurance (charming), and not usually on him. It definitely affected his view of himself, and after becoming friends with Travis and Aphmau he started to distance himself from the others.
Travis: literally best friends, inseparable, attached at the hip and have been since high school lol. So attached at the hip, in fact, that they are constantly pushing the boundaries of a platonic relationship, always hugging and cuddling, sharing beds and stealing a few kisses, all they need to make it official is the label lol. They won't though, because while they are EXTREMELY close there's no real romantic feelings between them
Zane: pretty bad opinion of him in hs, and he kept that same view well into adulthood until Nova finally insisted that Zane was a good guy at heart. Nothing changed between them immediately, but Dante did open up to the possibility of change. Now a days he's got a pretty neutral opinion of Zane, leaning towards good. He still things Zane's cold, but he does understand what Nova sees in him :)
Katelyn: really respected her as teens, but as they've gotten older he's found he has less tolerance for her. Her treatment of Travis grates on his nervous, and while he understands why she defends Nicole with her life he really wishes that didn't involve talking down to him
Lucinda: he's genuinely terrified by her lol. She's gorgeous and intelligent and powerful, and it intimidates him a lot. He respects her a lot for it, despite how nervous she makes him, and does his best to stay in her good graces
Nana: he didn't used to ever really pay attention to her, but lately she's been catching his eyes and he's developed a lil crush 👀 he's incredibly nervous about asking her out though, given his previous dating history and her proximity to Katelyn. He doesn't wanna risk repeating what happened with Nicole with Nana
Nicole: his first love, the two have had a very rocky on-again-off-again relationship throughout the latter parts of high school, college, and even early adulthood. They broke it off again early in s1 on somewhat negative terms, and he tries not to dwell on how much he misses her
Gene: looks up to him a lot, even though he knows perfectly well that Gene got up to some shady shit back in the day. Their mom was always busy trying to support them as kids, and their father dipped shortly after he was born, so he's always considered Gene the closest thing to a real parent he's ever had
Zenix and Sasha: he's friendly towards them, but to him they've always be Gene's friends rather than his own. He knows them pretty well however considering how frequently they were around growing up, and he's pretty proud of how the whole group has changed since school
#aphmau#mystreet#aphmau mystreet#aphmau dante#aaron lycan#laurance zvahl#travis valkrum#zane ro'meave#garroth ro'meave#aphmau katelyn#katelyn the firefist#aphmau lucinda#nana ashida#aphmau kawaii~chan#nicole von ronsenburg#aphmau gene#aphmau zenix#aphmau sasha#headcanons#asks#snek's rewrite!#snek speaks
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ok i wouldn't normally make a post about mental health in the tags for people to actually see, but if you're considering TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) because you're at the end of your rope, do it.
(obviously consult with your psych, ****I am not your doctor****)
very long commentary + procedure explanation below.
cw for bad mental health, depression, suicidal ideation, eating disorder mention (no details, as triggering as this cw tag)
for background, I have had extremely severe depression my entire life, hand-in-hand with suicidal ideation, a severe lifelong eating disorder, ocd, adhd, anxiety, the works. depression, anxiety, and ocd runs in my family, and my family life has historically been incredibly toxic if not outright abusive, as well as having been in abusive romantic/sexual relationships.
i have been on a number of different medications (from SSRIs, SNRIs, anti-psychotics, etc.) with very little success. i have been in various higher levels of care for months at a time. i have tried (medically administered) ketamine. nothing has made a dent.
very recently, i had a severe episode where i was basically bed ridden for six months. it got to the point where my two different therapists, psych, and dietician were all separately recommending a higher level of care. if you're anything like me, you can't afford that shit, let alone taking weeks at a time off from work.
all that to say, ya girl has Been Depressed.
tms was basically a last ditch effort before I would have to do residential, and i didn't want to do that again, only in part because of the aforementioned reasons.
it's not magic. i'm going to say that right away. it's absolutely not going to magically make you happy.
i've been going 5x a week for 6 weeks (none on weekends), and it takes about 30 minutes to do two different stimulations — depression (20 minutes) and ocd (10 minutes). this is my specific regimen, yours might be different. after the 6 weeks and weekly evaluations, I'm tapering down to 3x a week, then 2x a week for 2 weeks (total of 37 sessions). my provider would like me to do 44 sessions total (as opposed to standard 37) but i guess health insurance doesn't always cover the additional sessions, so we're waiting to hear back.
when i started, my evaluation levels were in the 60s. now they're in the 30s. they think they can get me to the teens. i'm already feeling so much relief, i don't know how they think I can feel any better, honestly. my provider used the Beck Depression Inventory, which I just looked up — I am still considered to have severe depression with my score in the 30s, but by god, cutting in half from the 60s? genuinely life changing.
basically, they test your brain regions (and you can get a brain scan for an additional cost and more accurate treatment, but I opted not to) by lightly zapping different regions of your brain to see how your toes and then your fingers twitch. i don't know how it works, but it's how they determine what voltage to use and what areas need stimulation. you're wearing a personal cloth cap with a grid on it to guide them, and the machine itself basically looks like one of those old fashioned hair driers.
it's not painful, but it can be uncomfortable. it feels a little bit like a woodpecker tapping on your skull. if it is painful, tell them. i was feeling a sharp pain in one of my teeth, and they adjusted the positioning. my right hand fingers still twitch when I'm getting the depression zaps, but not the ocd. honestly, I have almost fallen asleep, because it's kind of meditative, and i'm on a very high level. if i'm remembering correctly, it's like 2 seconds on, 10 seconds off? or 5 seconds off? it's not constant.
i read during the depression one, and have to "lightly" trigger myself with the ocd (if you've ever done an ERP/ERP therapy, a gentle version of that so your anxiety is at a 5-7, not a 10 but also not a 3) so I can't read during that one. I listen to music, and my provider has offered to put on netflix or hulu.
during the depression one, the only thing you're really encouraged to do is something mentally positive — don't listen to your Sad Girl TM music, or anything like that. listen/read/watch something that you find pleasant and enjoyable and something that generally makes you happy.
they don't start you at your specific max voltage — they start you low and you build up in increments the first week or so. the first few times are the most uncomfortable, and you might get a headache afterwards, but i never did. after a few sessions, you stop really noticing it.
****there is a VERY (<1%) slight chance of seizures, but i believe only in people who are already epileptic, heavy drinkers, or on specific medications. there is no chance of you going home and having a seizure, it would happen while receiving the treatment.*****
i can not tell you how much my mood has improved since starting this treatment a month and a half ago.
I was really dubious, and didn't have high hopes. I have a friend I met when we were both in a higher level of care who is similarly resistant to depression treatments — she did tms before me and didn't experience much relief. however, ketamine seems to be helping her and it didn't help me! so, remember, every single person is different. what works for me, may not work for you. but i do think it's worth trying.
it doesn't happen right away, and they tell you this upfront. I think I really only started feeling noticeably better around week 3 or 4?
honestly, I think a huge part was just being forced out of the house 5x a week (I was working from home exclusively atp, which was getting me in slight trouble at work despite having permission) forced to interact with other humans, if only briefly/professionally. I scheduled mine at 08:30, right when they open, so I had to force myself to get up at a reasonable time to make the train, get there, etc. and so I didn't have to go on my lunch break or after work.
(a slight disclaimer: at this point in my depressive episode I was using weed to numb out. I wasn't using a lot (at least, by the standards of my former friend group?) but I was smoking a bowl each night. this wasn't a problem for my providers, especially because I'm in a state where it's legal, but do make sure to let them know if you use weed or any other substances, as it will impact the voltages or something. i was told it isn't a problem, so long as i'm not coming to the appointments high. I've been trying to cut down to only a few times a week, and i've been really successful without really any problems, which I'm taking as another sign of my improved mental health.)
I didn't really need the reminder, but the practitioner did remind me a few times that tms does not cure your depression, and it doesn't make you happy.
the way she put it, is it kind of brings the "levels" (of.... what I'm not sure, sorry. google.) of your brain to a more neutral state, which then makes it easier for you to experience happiness or enjoyment, cutting through the fog of depression and anhedonia. this has absolutely been my experience.
like, i'm not going to lie to you and say this has cured me. according to my scores, i'm still severely depressed. but i can not stress how much relief I feel.
I've never been able to get out of bed in the morning, not even when I was a kid, and while I'm still snoozing my alarm until the last possible second, once I'm up? I feel awake. I feel fine. I'm smiling at fucking birds and flowers on my way to the train. I'm not crying over every little thing, and even better? I'm not numb, or trying to be numb because I feel overwhelmed. I feel, god, cheerful waiting for the train to take me to my very boring job. i'm actually looking to make friends and date again, and making creative goals again after months and months of nothing.
no, it hasn't really helped my severely unmedicated adhd — however, I don't really feel the overwhelming feeling of dread at approaching a project that I've procrastinated on for work. i'm honestly still just as distractable, but I'm also finding that cheap sources of dopamine (tiktok doomscrolling, scrolling tumblr) aren't as appealing, and I eventually come back to the task I have to do. do I hate the task less? no, but like, it's more of a necessary evil, as opposed to a crushing despair.
i'll also say it hasn't really helped me progress in my ed recovery. without details on that, i'm at a relatively healthy place after some higher level treatment, and working on maintenance, which everyone tends to agree is much harder than the recovery period. i've done this rodeo a few times, and generally agree. however I can only assume that making progress on that will be infinitely easier when I'm not laying in bed for 20 hours a day.
honestly, the funniest part of this is I've started noticing how much my very incompetent roommate pisses me off. before, I was so depressed I either didn't notice or have the capacity to process how irritating they are (they are the definition of weaponized incompetence, but that's for a different post) because I was so in my head and hopeless, and now? now i'm annoyed, and while that's not, like, an ideal emotion to have towards someone you live with, it's vastly preferable to feeling just nothing. i just roll my eyes to myself, take a deep breath, and move on.
something that was stressed upon me was that, in order for tms to work, you have to put in the work to help it along. like, if your brain is getting set to a neutral baseline, you have to work to keep it from slipping back into depressive habits.
semi-regular exercise like going for a walk on your lunch hour, eating reasonably well, sleeping regularly and enough but not too much, not doomscrolling too much, finding a stimulating hobby like idk crochet or painting or book club — anything that you derive actual enjoyment from. all those really annoying things you hear from people who say things like "have you tried yoga?"
those were so far out of reach for me before. like i've said, i've been quite literally bed ridden all of this year, and not much better in the past. those things actually feel somewhat attainable to me now, for the first time in my life.
honestly, if this is even half as well as how non-mentally ill people feel all the time, I'm a bit furious lol i knew I was starting from a lower rung on the ladder, I didn't realize that rung was literally underground and covered in ice and slime and that most people are miles above me wearing grippy boots. i don't know if this analogy works. whatever.
all of this to say: if you're thinking about tms, and aren't sure because it sounds kind of woo-woo or scary, i'd give it a try.
it's not cheap — my insurance covers everything except my copay, which is $50 per session. that is steep and it adds up. when the alternative was somehow finding the time and money to drop $10k+ on a month+ of residential or php again because I wasn't safe, knowing it honestly may not help much, as it hasn't in the past? it was a pretty clear choice. at least where I go, all insurances were accepted and cover the treatments in some capacity, and I believe a lot also have sliding scales. I'm unfortunately not sure about medicaid/care.
in terms of continuing treatment post-tms, i'm obviously going to continue my medication regimen, and meeting weekly with my outpatient mental health team. many people do maintenance sessions every few months, depending on their mood. we'll see what I need to do.
this post is already a mile long, so if you made it this far, um, gold star! i hope this was at least mildly informative. I know I've used tumblr and reddit to see anecdotal experiences for various medications and therapies, so I'm hoping this reaches at least one person who needs it. I may edit this post at a later date if I think of anything. feel free to ask me questions (within reason, and please with trigger warnings) and I will try to answer them to the best of my abilities, but again, I am one person, with one person's unique experiences, and I am not a doctor. :)
#transcranial magnetic stimulation#tms#tms therapy#eating disorder mention#suicide mention#mental health cw#eating disorder cw#treatment resistant depression#personal#depression
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Ramble#9
My main focus here is on samurai manga…
top 5 samurai manga read this month:
#5. Kurozuka by Baku Yumemakura on story and Takashi Noguchi on art
This is a story that takes samurai, crosses it with vampires and kind of just illustrates how far those two can go, It’s based on real 2 life guys, maybe even considered legends in Japan with a bridge and statue dedicated to them and everything, Yoshitsune Minamoto and Saito Benkei
Basically, the story starts with them trying to escape some pursuers in the mountains and in doing so they end up unwittingly shacking up with a vampire, a lady vampire,,, and shit just gets crazy from there…
Don’t wanna get too into it cause 1 it’s number 5 and 2 tbh the story wasn’t all that outside the romanticism and dark sides of immortality, but what I can say is that the illustration over the eras that pass and how a dude with a sword, a samurai, changes over the millenia was pretty cool to see…
Pretty rad action, decent enough story wrapped up in just 40 chapters, kind of a mid cast but i loved the concept and its illustration..
For all you anime folks it does have a 12 episode anime but I can’t speak on that adaptation and its quality, differences etc. at all.
#4. Gintama by Hideaki Sorachi
Super popular in hella anime and manga circles, in a lot of top 10s n 5s and If you haven’t heard of it well don’t worry the world’s full of information you don't know so continue to enjoy the journey...
Anyways… Gintama… is a story… that unfortunately I can’t speak on too confidently as I haven’t finished but despite a valiant attempt to in one month while reading a bunch of other stuff, I got to 200sumthn out of 709… but yh…
Gintama is set in futuristic japan but still somehow having a shadow of the edo period mixed in, meant to give a new take on the real life events of japan’s borders opening, foreigners coming in and that essentially leading to the downfall of the samurai, except the foreigners here are literal aliens. The story follows a samurai that previously fought in the war to keep japan alien free who’s now a dead beat, sakata gintoki, a young aspiring samurai whose dad died and left him a dojo in a world where swords are banned, shimura shinpachi, and a pretty much orphaned humanoid teen alien named kagura, all just barely scraping by with doing a bunch of very odd jobs.
VERY HILARIOUS, and so far largely a gag manga but it flips the serious switch very well and what I really like about it is that unlike a lot of other samurai mcs and characters, these guys, especially the central mc of the trio, sakata gintoki, have zero ambition, but constantly stress and fight to the death with swords to rubber chickens to protect their simple way of life. This is exemplified by the words shinpachi’s dying father left him in the very first chapter “Even if there comes a time when you must throw away your sword, never throw away the sword you have resting in your soul.”
I know it builds into an amazing story where almost every character they ever interact with pitches in and I'm probably underselling like crazy but if you want something samurai but samurai like you've never seen, check it out, I hear it’s worth the time and so far that’s proving to be so over the top gags and all.
Anime peps the anime is complete with 201 episodes.
#3. Sengoku Youko by Satoshi Mizukami (mangaka of spirit circle, Lucifer and the biscuit hammer and more)
Technically not a samurai story, leaning more into fantasy but it's in that era and a ronin is in the main cast so bite me and my list ig…
Anyways this is an epic that somehow does an incredible extensive story in 100 chapters and it's not too surprising given the mangaka (seriously check out spirit circle, i’ll never stop talking about it, my favourite manga ever at just 46 chapters and Lucifer at the biscuit hammer which is pretty up there as well, which finally got an anime adaptation this year with 65 chapters).
The story follows a demon named Tama trying to bring peace to the world traveling the land with a human named Jinka who's trying to become a demon and hates humans, but because of his love for demons does whatever Tama tells him to. Further than the usual “what is strength?” question that you could say the way of the sword tends to boil down to, this story looks at the question of “what is a human?”, as the duo run into other humans and demons with their own perspectives and characteristics.
Unfortunately it’s pretty hard to sell it more without getting excited and blabbing it all but brilliant story (admittedly with a little bit of a choppy start), great cast and cast dynamic, dope action, average but fitting art, highly recommended.
Side note, this had one of the coolest, if not THE coolest dragon depictions and fights I've ever seen in manga.
#2. Ichigeki aka one hit kill by Jiro Matsumoto
This was honestly an unexpected banger, as in, my firm philosophy is that by definition the average manga is average so you gotta just be thankful for bangers when they come but even so, especially for how short it was I was blown away.
The basic premise is that some peasants are brought in from the countryside to get some quick training in the sword and used as a throwaway one time hit squad but after they survive and show some promise, they're trained more seriously and sent on increasingly important but increasingly dangerous missions.
What I really love is how this story really highlights the caste system of the time, sounds weird to say but a lot of samurai manga mainly focus on the samurai class and up which I think paints this picture that some people just chose to pick up swords and others didn't, when really for the most part a lot of that was predetermined by birth. There were organized schools that only accepted certain families and it was only in extreme off chance cases that a peasant could even get their hands on a sword much less get formal training.
But yh, story and pacing was great and would even call it phenomenal (especially relative to the length), brilliant cast and cast dynamic, really loved the way the peasants viewed themselves and were viewed by others over time as they became more established, great action and pretty dope art, absolute banger in only 49 chapters, highly recommend.
#1. Kozure Ookami aka Lone wolf and cub by Kazuo Koike on story and Goseki Kojima on art
This is a actually apparently a classic samurai epic and when I say epic I'm not using it loosely just to say it's good which it is, but when I say epic I mean to think along the lines of the Iliad or dante’s inferno.
The story follows a famed samurai, ogami itto, official executioner appointed by the shogun (really big fukn deal), framed, defamed and now turned assassin traveling the land on the path of revenge with his son daigoro.
Now if you're familiar with epics you'll know they're quite long and tbh when I started I was a bit confused like why is this dude out here carrying out assassinations with an infant? and is every chapter just gonna be him killing randoms? do I really need to know the name and history of EVERY prefecture like fr???? (really reminded me of that one chapter of the Iliad where they just listed everybody and their moms from athens)
A little bit of a slow start for me especially as the mc was just super stoic, the ideal samurai if you will but it's through that we see his character and what a true bushi/samurai is. Through any danger and challenge he sees his duty through to the end. Even the decision not to kill in the face of certain death. Wildly enough his kid is not a prop at all as watching his father over time he picks up his habits and has his own adventures.
The action isn't the smoothest but it perfectly captures that old samurai flick vibe, phenomenal aesthetic that becomes even more exceptional in the final few arcs and some of the greatest dialogue around the meaning of Bushido I've ever seen. A small example I'll give is in a duel he has with another fallen samurai, he’s asked what the right thing to do would be when caught in an ambush. Standing by his lord’s side and defending them or leaving his lord’s side to take the initiative in battle, both with equal chances of success.
It's 142 chapters but because almost every chapter, especially early on, is isolated and almost feels like a movie, it can be a bit of a rough read but definitely worth it. (actually started last year and read the second half this month).
hm: tenkaichi, elusive samurai, gantz:e, sengoku strays
top 5 samurai manga before this year
#5. Gamaran by Yousuke Nakamaru
I almost want to say hunter x hunter but for samurai but the only real similarity is the mc trying to find his dad + in this he's trying to kill him cause they basically pulled an itachi and killed his squad.
I love this manga but again number 5 so I'm not trying get too into it plus it's really for the most part a battle tourney, nothing against tourneys but fight fi*azP_Qzght fight gets a litlle tired over the years yk?
Now why this is top5 is that along with really great art I really loved the detail put into the choreography and technique of the fights, as in alot of times sword fights, if they're not basically pokemon battles can be bland despite the contextual meaning and weight of it all. Like it's hard to really differentiate one swordsman from another midfight because outside of their stances they all just look like they're swinging swords pretty much the same way and on occasion shouting random stuff, especially in manga, but maybe that’s just me idk… But gamaran takes the time to illustrate the characteristics of each style, strengths, weaknesses, body motions, etc, to really give almost every fight a real definitive feel
solid story despite what I said about tourneys, great art, pretty dope cast, amazing action and only 194 chapters
There’s also an ongoing sequel called Gamaran: Shura but that only has 25 chapters so far and hasn’t really gotten anywhere yet
4. Sidooh by Tsutomu Takahashi
This story follows two brothers whose mother dies in front of them as kids, leaving them with the last words "It is the fate of the weak to die", giving them an obsession with strength that leads them to claw their way up into the ranks of society
Really great pacing, great story and amazing aesthetic, an interesting art style that's a bit inky for lack of a better word but goes really well with sword strokes and stuff like that + some of the hardest drip I've ever seen on folks in that period and some of the meanest stare downs I’ve ever seen.
It's complete with 269 chapter but only 250 are translated to English, if you've been listening for awhile this is where I usually say fuck the french cause they usually have more manga chapters translated than others in general but hate is lame and all I need to do is step up and translate shit myself if I really want to yk so yh, sorry France, all my hate towards you will solely because of colonialism and especially what you've done to Haiti. fuck France and fuck imperialism
3. Vagabond by tajehiko inoue ( mangaka of slam dunk and real)
This is something I'm always hesitant to mention because it's so good but is almost certainly never going to be completed and there's so much other great works to see but this is a definitive work of art and it'd be criminal to leave it off the list.
This story is based on the life of miyamoto musashi, a legendary swordsman, legendary, as his feats for a self taught peasant are just incredible, in real life this eventually culminated in him founding his own sword school, the Niten ichi Ryu (roughly translated to two heavens as one) but the manga doesn't really get to that bit.
Probably by far the greatest art in this list, Inoue is a master of the craft, and the investigation of the way of the sword and what it means to be unrivaled under heaven via musashi's travels and encounters with other known legends like the yagyu and itto ryu is truly enlightening.
Brilliant characters and character dynamics, stunning art that can never be understated, brilliant dialogue, very engaging fights, just an all round brilliant manga…
Besides the fact that a chapter hasn't come out in about 7yrs… I cry… 327 chapters out and translated if you can handle it…
2. Shigurui aka death frenzy by Takayuki Yamaguchi
This was only 84 chapters but in case the name didn't give it away it gets pretty wild
The story revolves around the participants in the first fight of a deathmatch tournament, one being blind and limp while the other only has one arm. We're shown the events that led to them being chosen to fight and what they continue to swing their swords for in spite of their condition, and both having started out as students of the same sword school.
Lots of tragedy packed in here, lots of gore, very clean art, pretty dope fights, solid cast, and a brilliant story that really illustrates the sometimes unbecoming struggle that is being samurai.
1. Blade of the immortal by Hiroaki Samura
bro... just trust me on this one....
I Know this is about manga but 3 Anime movies I gotta mention are: sword of the stranger, Lupin the IIIrd: The Blood Spray of Goemon Ishikawa and ninja scroll
listen in to hear my top 5 swordsmen
#just another day#mm..manga#way of the sword#manga#kurozuka#gintama#sengoku youko#ichigeki#lone wolf and cub#gamaran#sidooh#vagabond#shigurui#blade of the immortal#samurai#writeup
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Sanji: Chronicles of King Nasty Chapter 1 (Uncensored)
This is the full text of the book here without Ezreal’s commentary. Consider this as Sanji giving an interview and telling us about his life.
Everyone thinks they know it all. The glitz, the glamour, the fame. They believe every tabloid headline as gospel truth forgetting that every celeb they hold to fucked up pedestals are fucking humans with real feelings. Most people forget that shit, especially the media who often try to engage in psychological gymnastics. I cannot tell you the number of times I look at the various headlines about me with disgust as some of the shit about me is exaggerated.
Now I am sure y’all are wondering why I am even bothering to write this book. Truth is, I have so much to get off my chest. So much has happened over the years, that some of you might have heard of but never fully understood. Time to unpack the load. And yes this is me addressing my stupid father who thought he could get away with his latest publicity stunt. No bitch!! We have given you enough chances but you keep on blowing it!! This shit ends now!! I have tolerated enough B.S from him and several others who shall be mentioned in this very book.
In order to understand how all this shit, how about we start all the way from the beginning? Now most of you may already know that my father is Judge Vinsmoke, a rap legend and frontrunner for World’s Shittiest Father and Husband. I find it incredible that this bastard has made a living out of exploiting others for his selfish gain and he is still on top. No worries though. His time at the top shall end soon.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have my beloved mother, the legendary Miss Sora Bernard, one of the greatest pop stars on Earth and an amazing mother to boot. This woman has sold millions of albums worldwide and has inspired me and several others out there. She is partly the reason I am who I am today. I owe this woman so much which is why this book is dedicated to her. She deserves a lot more flowers than we have already given her.
Why am I bringing them up? Well, our story here begins with both of them. Way before Your Truly was born, the both of them were the hottest couple in town at the time. The story goes that the two of them met backstage at an award show and Father got smitten by her beauty and decided to exchange digits with her on the spot. However, Mother was not interested at the time until he started love-bombing her that is. Starting off dating in their teens, they were seen as a match made in Heaven. But appearances can be deceiving, a lesson this fucked industry keeps teaching me.
You see, that old man was a nasty piece of shit. Mum got pregnant for him when they were 18 but the bastard forced her to abort the child in her bathroom whilst playing a guitar, claiming that the music would soothe the pain. As if that wasn't messy enough, the bastard had a couple of other baby mothers besides my mother and two of those women got pregnant for him.
He even threatened to ruin her career should word get out, and the poor woman complied. I am saying this because so many women out there are suffering in silence because of bastards like him. Ironically, I myself would fall victim to a similar kind of situation. More on that later.
Eventually, they got married when she was just 21. A year later, she gave birth to my older sister, Reiju. The following year, she got pregnant again. They thought it was just one boy, but it turned out to be four, one of whom happens to be Yours Truly. According to Mother, Father was nowhere to be seen when she gave birth to us. That tells you the kind of horrible shithead he truly is. Plus, it was raining to boot.
Father was the one who named all of us because in his delusional mind, he is the head of the house and there we his kids are his property. Yes, we are not humans to him but rather we are mere products, not so different from the industry we operate in. How ironic.
We were given numbers in our names to reflect dad’s sick ideology and also to identify each child as we the quadruplets looked so much alike when we were little. Like the same blonde hair and eyes. Even Mother got confused at times.
The first few years were weird but still normal. Mum was the only parent involved in our lives. Father never gave a shit and was busy riding around town, fucking any woman he saw, and spending cash recklessly. Now bitches wonder how we got broke. Well, that is the fucking answer!! The rare few times that man was at home though, he would go into a drunken rant at mother, calling her all manners of profanities and whatnot, and the poor woman would run off to her bathroom, lock herself up, and cry in there. My older brothers Ichiji and Niji have had physical fights with the old man over his shitty behavior.
Making matters worse is that the old man sabotaged her career. He banned her from ever performing and recording any new music. He also managed to gain control of her accounts and froze everything so that she would be trapped in that hellish marriage. Dad even bought a small two-bedroom apartment for us in Brooklyn to live in whilst he was buying mansions for his various baby mammas and even jetsetting the world with them. Imagine the audacity. Nevertheless, we made do with the little we had at the time.
Thank goodness for my siblings. We had each other and were always there for each other. We would always play and mess around. It was during those early years my talents began to reveal themselves. I was singing Mum’s song one day when I was 3 and everyone just froze. I remember being confused. “Why are you staring like that?” I did not realize that I was blessed with talent till my mother told me.
Ever since that day, I began participating in talent shows. What made me determined to be the star that I would become was seeing Doflamingo performing on the Late Show. His charisma and swagger won me over. I began to listen to his songs and would copy his dance moves and style. The others also began to express their talents as well. Mother got Ichiji and Niji DJ mixing sets which we used to create music right from the get-go. Reiju was the fashionista of the house and would teach the boys on how to dress. Yonji was the other dancer of the house and the both of us would have mini dance-offs in the room with the others watching.
Our neighborhood was a pretty okay hood at the time. It was peaceful regardless of the chaos in our home. Most times whenever Dad was being an ass, my siblings and I would run to our next-door neighbor, Aunt Donna. She had two kids Paolo and Jax who were the nicest guys on Earth. We played with the other kids on the block as well. Aunt Donna always protected us and called the cops on my dad whenever she saw the bastard pull up in the neighborhood.
We would head out to the park and just hang out there. There were a lot of rap battles going on at the time and I participated in a lot of those when I was a kid. That trained me as a rapper. It is also around this time that I would meet the love of my life, Zoro. Yeah, Marimo and I have always known each other since we were little kids.
The first time we met was at his mum's house. Father finally let us out go out to save face.From the first glance, I was suspicious of his mother as she reminded me of my father way too much. The same narcissistic attitude. The same sense of entitlement and her tendency to hover over her son two four seven was so unsettling to me. Our first meeting was not that great as Marimo pointed at my eyebrows and laughed at me and said to me, "Your eyebrows are so stupid Curlybrows!!" His mother had this evil smirk on her face, almost as though she taught him to be mean to others.
I remember glaring angrily at him and firing back saying, "Yeah well your hair is so green and stupid that I bet worms ate your brains, Mosshead!!" We were six year olds at the time. We got into a physical brawl that our siblings broke up. Kuina, Zoro's oldest sister scolded himfor his actions and forced him to apologize. Which he did reluctantly.
Zoro would join some of the neighbourhood kids outside and the two of us would often bicker and fight whenever we saw each other. Not helping matters was that Zoro was already the popular kid in school whom the girls and some guys fawned over due to being famous as he was already a movie star at that point whereas guys like me had to work ten times harder to get that same level of attention and respect. That would be a recurring issue throughout my lifetime and career. More on that later.
One day, I was talking to this pretty girl called Maria or Black Maria as all your rock fans know her as today. She was so cute and she seemed interested in me. Or at least I thought so. Marimo was nearby and he was not having none of that. He walked over to us and said and I quote, "Hey!! Stop stalking my husband!!" I remembered fuming and punching the living daylights out of Zoro and storming away from the playground. I locked myself in the bedroom and began to break down in tears.
Marimo followed me all the way to the bedroom and bent down and asked me why I was crying. Compared to our previous encounters, he was actually concerned this time around. I began lashing out at him, telling him how I felt being next to him and how it seemed as though he did not have to do anything to get what he wanted whereas people like me had to do more work to get things done. It was then that he entrusted me with the truth about his mother and her abuse. That was the beginning of our friendship and the greatest love story ever told.
My brothers and I were such cheeky little brats. Like, we always pranked Dad and made his life hellish and showed him his place in the house. There was this one time that Niji and I changed the color of Dad's shampoo to blue. The old man screamed his head off and we were all rolling around the floor laughing. Unfortunately, those innocent days came to a halt. When I was 12, my Father and mum got into a heated argument in the kitchen. I remember Reiju and Ichiji trying to drag me, Niji, and Yonji away from the room.
The next thing I knew, we heard a loud gunshot. We all froze as we saw Dad, towering over our mother, gun in hand pointed at her, and Mum on the floor with blood all over the place.
Reiju screamed whilst I rushed towards Mother and hugged her with tears in my eyes. I remember staring Dad in the eyes despite my pain and saying to him, “Remember this day old fart because I will not rest until I become the greatest popstar this world has ever seen!! When I achieve that, I shall personally disgrace you and expose you for the evil bastard you truly are!!”
Before the old man can do anything, the police and paramedics arrive, and the bastard gets arrested. I would see that bastard until years after my debut. Mother survived that, but the incident still scars her to date. She filed for divorce from the old man and was granted custody of her kids and thus a new chapter began as we packed up our bags and moved down to Atlanta to start afresh. Little did I know that that horrific incident would later return to haunt me throughout my life.
#Sanji#one piece#zosan#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke yonji#vinsmoke niji#vinsmoke reiju#vinsmoke family#fanfiction
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What's the lore with your fallout oc, Angel?
omg hi!! :-D
his infos a little all over the place because i've never 100% written it down, but i can try summing up the major stuff best i can for u.. lots of text under the cut-
ángel's from somewhere along the westish... i've not really figured out where. i'd like to imagine that for the most part he was just getting by. getting what he needed, doing what he needed, helping whoever needed help (when passing by) etc. dude was never a vault dweller or anything like that and pretty much grew up with his family in the wasteland. they maaaybe had a small farm/ranch. not to sell produce just like... live off of it ig. in some ways he was like a post-apocalyptic cowboy. and that’s how his life went for a while until.. i dunno. right before his 20s? maybe late teen years? i’ve not decided what happened with his family but i’d say they got separated and he found out bad stuff happened to them. it’s a little cliche ik. but he’s moved on from that at this point. sorta. maybe there’s a living lost relative out there that he don’t know about. I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!!!!! still have lots to think about with that. but anyways!!!!!!!!!!
at some point during his usual routine of hiking out towards... where ever he was going to get whatever he was going to get (have not put much thought into what he would've been grabbing u_u) things didn't go as smooth as they usually would. the difference being a big, green, nasty, incredibly irradiated deathclaw. it was probs a case of him noticing it way too late and not being able to get to somewhere it can't in time. bro prob saw his rifle too and was like "this is definitely not going to do shit" and tried booking it.
it's hard putting to words what i picture in my head like... the sequence of what happened-- but i imagine ángel running, cliche trip along a road (or maybe rock? whatever it would be it'd end up scraping one side of his jaw pretty bad.... or maybe instead tripping he got pushed by the thing... idk), and then being grabbed and sliced through his shoulder (and maybe somewhere else... i unno) by the dc.
pretty sure he gets knocked out, but it's a gray area with the dc leaving. i can't decide if it loses interest, is attacked by something else, or keels over and dies itself or sumn (ik they're not werewolves but i sure do love werewolf parallels! so it'd be like... passing on its yucky to him... although not reeeally.) and if todd's allowed to mess around with how things work then i can too! the wound it leaves ángel with heals... sort of... the caveat is that over some tiiiime (not short or too too long of a time span) it mutates his hand into a dc hand!
ángel picks up a new perspective on life (as you could imagine with a really fucked near death experience), like what he's doing, and if this thing going on with his arm is going to progress or 'stabilize.' maybe he tried going back to being his usual friendly "hey fellow traveller!" kind of self?? but after bad interactions (considering he has this crazy weird arm that he likely didn't cover up at first because it wasn't too serious) he starts keeping his arm in wraps and becomes a lot more withdrawn as a whole.
soon enough, probably after a breakdown of sorts, he figures fuck it! time to travel a whooooole lot. maybe to disconnect himself with what happened, or maybe find some sort of consolation (i guess in addition to further in his past. like him getting separated from family and them ending up passing?... i have no clue. regardless he got dealt the wrong hand at least twice. no pun intended.) perhaps he wants to find if there’s a way to reverse the whole hand situation. who knows! regardless-- he makes the trek eastward. just to go where ever and see whatever. do whatever as long as it’s fulfilling.
and ! well! he ends up in west virginia because.... fo76... and that’s where he’s at now! in summary he just likes to travel around and do stuff here and there without attracting too much attention to himself. ig in a way where its like... help out a few people if he wants to/has to and then move on. he’ll travel back west eventually. maybe.
---
i will say that i do like slap him in alternate timelines/instances bc he’s a big fallout oc all around that i LOVE REUSING!!!!!!!!! but this is his most major info. my apologies if it’s kind of rough!!! like i said i’ve never really written it out before ; _ ; !!!
i think i’ll come up with a google doc or sumn that has his info laid out and neat on it. or toyhouse... i’ve not used that in forever. i’ll make something for him eventually. thanks for asking by the way!! :-D he’s one of my favorite ocs.
i’ve got lots of wips of him that i plan on finishing and posting soon LMAO i’ve just not. gotten around to that because of college <//3
#ángel#there's definitely going to be some errors in this bc i wrote the majority of this between classes yesterday#a toyhouse or google doc for him doesn't sound that bad tbh.....#fallout oc
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going to put the ask meme stuff under here so i dont spam people
Anonymous asked:
how's homura for the character opinion meme?
i haven’t rewatched PMMM since i was around 15 so my memory of it is REALLY not the best! i wish i had more to say here. homura is a fantastic character but of course i think she is at her best when being understood through her relationship to madoka. you really cant look at her in isolation. thats just what being a teen lesbian is like its really exactly that. she was so woke for stealing all those guns too
idlyingabout asked:
edgeworth and maya for the character opinion bingo
edgeworth:
god i love edgeworth his arc is so fucking good. incredible stuff. hit so much harder than i ever really thought it could going in. it might be a bit unexpected to see me calling him the best character in the work as a diehard phoenix stan but although phoenix is absolutely no questions my favorite, I truly think edgeworth has the better character writing. they really hit it out of the park with that litlte freak i’m so obsessed with him, i’m going to be thinking about him on and off for the rest of my life probably.
maya:
this makes it seem like i dont have that much to say about maya but the things i have to say about her are just mostly absent from this bingo sheet. i hate watching fans reduce her (and. every other girl in this series) to Narumitsu Advocate when shes really got so much to offer on her own. Also the shit they did with her in aa6 was so evil, it sucked to essentially watch her be a cardboard cutout that could only gasp in shock and tell phoenix to do something. really sad. there was a ton of stuff you could do with mayas character if you were gonna bring spirit channeling back as a plot point and they did none of it.
Anonymous asked:
krisgav for character opinion bingo
the fact that i will never know what is behind kristoph gavin’s black psyche locks will haunt me for the rest of my life
Anonymous asked:
Barok Van zieks and sholmes for bingo
bvz:
i think barok is funny but he is more of a comic relief character to me than anyone whose feelings or arc i actually give a shit about.
sholmes:
one of the most fascinating new types of guys takumi has invented.
Anonymous asked:
kim dokja for the bingo
kim dokja [bursts into tears]
Anonymous asked:
Apollo!! for the chara opinion bingo :3
my apollo opinions are very difficult for me to reckon with because i like him plenty in aa4, but most of what we get in aa4 is places his character Could go. he really doesnt get his own arc. i genuinely dont consider the stuff in aa 5/6 to be canon and i think the absolute trampling the writing got in those games killed any chance of him ever being a coherent or well executed character.
escaliburn asked:
Ema or Lana Skye
ema:
listen i know ema is in a lot of games and gets three whole designs but that doesn’t mean she’d had enough screentime. never enough ema screentime. i love ema so much shes fantastic i think she could carry her own games.
lana:
lana gets done dirty in that almost none of the fans who talk about her ever talk about her outside of the context of lanamia, which i think is really overblown as a ship. i think lana and mia were definitely fucking but i dont think theyre any kind of star crossed lovers. i say wasted potential because although i think rfta handled her perfectly and did exactly what it needed to do with her, the fact that she never comes up again is really tragic. shes a great character and i would have loved to see her brought back. i havent fully replayed RFTA yet and the first time i was playing it my focus was less on her as a character, obviously, but going through the whole thing for a second time ill definitely be picking her brain a bit more and will probably construct a few mind palaces there.
prringlecan asked:
Completely forgot if you’ve played dgs or not but perhaps susato for the character bingo? If not, maybe Mia?
yes ive played dgs!
SUSATOSWEEEP SUSATO FOREVER SUSATO BEST GIRL. give her her own game. give us Susato Investigations.
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Finding the First Gay Kiss - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 11.25.22
Hey Whores Realized I haven't given you an update recently. The short answer is I was planning on watching D.W.Griffinth 3 hour Epic Intolenrance tonight so I was putting a kabash on the movie watching. So instead I've been catching up on television because I am too lazy to actually read. Big News I actually really like Cabinet of Curiosities.
(its just a real fun time... Don't Judge Me)
so let me go over some of the stuff I've seen in the meantime.
Judith of Bethulia (1914) dir. D.W. Griffinth
So this movie is not nearly as gay as I was promised. The main reason why this showed up is because there is a nerdist article thats like UwU the Earliest Gayest Movies ever which should actually be congradulated it has some rare pepes on there, (is that problamatic???), however this one is the furthest reach of gay shit ever. Essentially this inclusion in the list is because of a pet theory by Susan Stryker which was included in the documentary Disclosure(2020). I think I have a quote here something.
"There's a claim," Stryker says, "that this is one of the first films that we know of where a [director's] cut in the film is used to advance the story. And there's a kind of, like, trans, or, you know, gender nonbinary character who is kind of circulating around the cut in the narrative. It's almost like the figure of the 'cut trans body,' the eunuch who's been castrated or emasculated, who is a 'cut figure', presides over the invention of the cinematic cut."
and the Eunach in its self is absolutely a queer icon, (in this sense literally iconography, as in a mythic trope), it presents us an intersex body, a masculine form that is asexual, a person that lives in between the hedgemonic binary of masculine and feminenin. The Eunach also has negative connotations as the Nance trope plays into this idea of Sexual Inversion in men being non-sexual and emmasculated. I don't think its wrong for the a eunach to be considered queer at the same time, is the mere presence of a queer coded character necessarily the watershed moment we should pretend it is?
The Nance character presided for decades in vauldville and burlesque circles and it was often not played in a positive light the nance or fairy act in vaudville was a far cry from the gender subversion of Julian Eltinge and other female impersanations of the time, it was in no less words a form of sexual minstraly, presenting the sexual invert as degenerate, unmanly, and frivolous. Tbh Its not necessarily and aspect of representation that I want to respect or cherish.
However at this point I feel that I have got my ego involved and made this representation about my own sexuality and pain. In all seriousness the supposed representation is presented as being trans, non-binary or intersex and while this film did not provide me much queer utility I would be loath to disregard that for somebody somewhere they felt seen by this charater or this aspect of queer lens interpretation. it just wasn't for me.
The ABC of Love (1916) dir. Magnus Stifter
Its Die Asta!
As we have covered on this blog Asta Nielsen was known for her boyish charm and her unflappable stage present. She was also beyond unafraid to go full butch in her work and many of her storys were incredible queer in a lot of her films. Truly a bisexual icon.
(what a fucking BICON)
in this one we see Die Asta in a classic shot of her pressed against a wall of flowers in this case sittig with her lap dog, a boudour doll, and reading a book of romantic fancys. it should also be noted that shes coded as a big younger in the film around her late teens, y'know a young coquete.
so Its not conveyed well but basically shes like
"UwU daddy I want to get railed by a tall dark and handsome foreigner"
"sure doll, let me find some fuck boy who wants to get in that snatch. BRB"
(she specifcally asked for a 'latin lover' which as someone who has fucked several latino men I get it)
But instead of getting a hot latin stud, (which I guess shes european so like she wants to fuck a spanish guy in this context??? not my kink but whatev.
anyway instead of getting a hot latin STUD!!!! she gets like some dweeb???
and like he can't even fuck so she is absolutely pissed because she want to get railed! (yes I am describing this movie accuretly), so she goes on a honeymoon in paris and your probably wondering how she deals with the wet blanket that is her husband. Um the answer is of course Crossdressing!
(I think this is from victor/victoria or something but you get it)
and Die Asta pulls a Danger Girl and serves us a full butch fantasy. She literally wears a whole ass wig and shapewear to serve some masc tuxedo action. and of course as in any of these "role-reversal" comedies she fucking slays. Apparently serving masc means you smoke fatties and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk. this movie involves die asta throwing two DTF women onto her man and saying
"Be a Man, Frank"
Imagine your wife just wanted you to cuck her while she serving butch top energy.
(imagine....)
this movie ends with her father gaslighting her into thinking for limp wrist no bitches husband is cheating on her but actually THE GODDAMN HUSSY is just the porter in full drag. I also love in these stories nobody gets clocked, its always a seemless transformance where everyone absolutely asumes this person is the gender they present as. Honestly kinda nice.
Vingarne (The Wings) (1916) dir. Mauritz Stiller
So this is one of the first adapatations of the 1902 Mikael by Herman Bang. it is also mostly lost with the available version being a fixup version from 1985 which used production stills and intertitles as a way of feeling in the gaps in the story. There is still 20 minutes of this film that are lost forever or at least to the best of our knowledge. A pretty common narrative in early cinema, there are a lot of early cinema works whose tape was not properly archived or literally destroyed for censoreship or just to get the trace amounts of silver nitrate that was imprinted during the film production process.
The movie itself is the story of a gay artist who falls in love with his muse, a grecian youth type. The film falls into this sort of pedarast adjacent storyline, where you have this older sexual experience man and his younger protege/boytoy. Narratively in the story he is also the adopted son of the artist but as I mentioned on DoestheDogDie.com this doesn't necessarily mean that this love story is incestious as Same-Sex Adoption was a thing at the time.
Basically the young muse decides to get some pussy and leaves the poor old artist to die of sadness or some shit.
This movie is kinda hard to follow and you kinda have to ask yourself if you want to add DDLB and fickle Bi's to your pantheon of early queer cinema.
On a side note i am watching Dad Takes A Fishing Trip(2009) by Tim Kinkade which deals a lot with Daddy kinks so I have been kinda exploring a lot of the eroticism around this type of age gap relationship. So there is that.
#Diary#Queer Cinema#Vingarne 1916#The ABC of Love 1916#Judith of Bethulia#Queer#First gay kiss#Movie
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Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]
Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.
Canon World – until 15k
What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.
Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)
Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.
And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.
be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.
Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?
Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.
Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?
Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.
Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.
Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?
Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.
Canon World – 15k++
Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.
The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.
Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.
briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.
"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”
and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.
Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.
in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?
Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.
Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.
objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.
catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.
Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.
Canon World – Jealous!
Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?
Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.
Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.
Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.
Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.
How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.
What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.
Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.
His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.
Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.
Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong
how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.
Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.
What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.
Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.
we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited
Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?)
Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?
We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.
Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)
safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.
Alternative Universe – No Quirks
Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.
Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”
Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.
Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.
Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.
Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.
Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.
Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.
Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.
sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.
Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.
97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.
Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors.
I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.
Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku
A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.
Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)
In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations
While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.
Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.
Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.
Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe
Alternative Universe – Quirks
Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.
A/B/O – Secret! Baby
Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.
Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)
A/B/O – Quirks
Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants
Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”
Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.
Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)
i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.
Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.
As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)
A/B/O – No Quirks
Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)
Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.
The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...
#bakudeku#masterlist#fanfic masterlist#katsudeku#holy shit i can't believe i did this#mizutori’s personal post archive#bakudeku fanfiction#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#alpha bakugou#omega izuku#bnha fanfiction#bnha#mha fanfiction#fanfiction masterlist post#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku#archive of our own#ao3
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Please tell us how sambucky succeeded while stucky crashed and burned
Good evening anon! I hope you're having a wonderful day. <3 Thank you for dropping into my inbox! I love it when people ask me MCU-related questions, and this happens to be a specific one that I've been sitting on for a while.
(Warning: this post is slightly anti-Stucky. Please scroll past if you are a shipper as this post isn't for you.)
Why SamBucky Succeeded While Stucky Crashed and Burned: A Controversial Study in Fandom Drama
The main problem lies within Stucky.
The majority of the problems with Stucky surround the fanbase rather than the ship itself. The ship itself is generally unproblematic--if not tasteless as whitebread--and exactly the kind of ship I’d expect basic fans to be obsessed over. The MCU isn’t the first big fandom I’ve dipped my toes in and it certainly won’t be the last. Stucky fans are what ruined it for me, though. What’s wrong with Stucky shippers you say? I’m so glad you asked.
I use the phrase “bland gay ship for straight girls” or “shipping two white men” every once in a while, but trust me I don’t throw around the phrases lightly. As someone who was told I was a cringy straight girl shipping two men together when I was like 13, it really rubs me wrong when people generalize all shippers that way. (Especially considering I actually was queer but didn't know it at the time.)
For most queer teens, they find safety and validity in shipping two people that they identify as also queer or as having similar characteristics to themselves. Sometimes two white male actors do have that chemistry and sometime’s the writing is that good.
There is nothing wrong with shipping two white men and people have got to stop calling everyone who ships those kinds of relationships as “ships for 13-year-old straight girls.” Like seriously STOP.
But.
Can queer people please please stop shitting all over m/f ships. I know I know, y’all are upset about the heteronormativity of it all and you hate the “straighties,” but two things: a) when you bash healthy, canonical m/f ships you are shitting all over straight trans people and bisexual/pansexual/polysexual people and b) there is NOTHING INHERENTLY WRONG with m/f ships even--oh god I’m going to say it--even if both characters are 100% cishet.
Is it misogyny? I don’t actually know. Is it a problem I should be addressing in a 1k essay on why Sambucky is thriving while Stucky crashed and burned? Eh, probably not, but it’s worth mentioning. Mainly because as long as we’re going to talk about Stucky, we need to address the fact that A) Stucky fans are hugely problematic (hence the weird hate for Peggy Carter--and I’m not even touching on the Sharon Carter hate rn) and B) they feel like they are owed something by canon.
Let’s be perfectly clear on that last statement, Stucky Fans act like they are owed something.
Controversial take on Tumblr: fans aren’t owed anything by creators.
I’m sure it’s one thing if a creator specifically promises something to their fans, but after sitting through the actual superhell that the SPN fandom became for 12+ years, it has come to my attention that fans are incredibly entitled over what they are “owed”. I understand the disappointment and I understand being devastated by how canon actually turned out, but the amount of hate Peggy Carter received overnight after Endgame (2019) was astounding. Never mind the fact that her arc was actually botched worse than Steve’s, somehow it was her fault that Steve decided to ditch his “one true love” for *checks notes*...his toxic almost date.
Honestly, iwasonceafangirl on reddit wrote a much better post on the issue of Steggy vs. Stucky drama that went down that I highly recommend reading. It sums up my feelings on the matter pretty well.
So to summarize, Stucky fans threw a huge rage fit over the Russo brothers canonically tying Steve’s arc up with a Steggy bow, and are still trying to recover. They throw hate at everyone from Peggy fans for having the canon ship to RDJ himself because they took the “pick a side” schtick from CA:CW too seriously and think it’s a personality trait to be Team Cap.
And, above all else, the MCU is homophobic for not making their ship canon.
The MCU itself is not necessarily homophobic--I would argue that Disney and executives who greenlight decisions in the MCU are homophobic--but for some reason, if you don’t ship Stucky you’re branded as a homophobe? Make it make sense.
I also hear a lot of shit from fans about how Stucky was queerbaited and honestly I don’t see it. I’ve been in fandoms where the queerbaiting was off the fucking charts and in other fandoms where the queerbaiting was just subtle enough to slide under the rug, and Stucky doesn’t lie in either of those camps.
Honestly, it comes across as a friendship between two people who consider each other brothers. You can argue to the end of the day that lines like “until the end of the line” are romantic--and in the right context they are--but the lack of chemistry between the actors and the lack of marketing that would imply the two of them as a ship for views...if there was any queerbaiting it was minimal. Non-existent, if you will.
For the most part, Stucky is just another bland, MCU ship that somehow became the most popular MCU ship besides Stony and Pepperony (according to ship stats on ao3 in 2020).
I would hazard a guess that one of the reasons it’s the most popular is that it’s been around the longest. Well, longest gay ship at least.
If we’re looking at the MCU movie lineup, The First Avenger was the 5th release in Phase One. The first film, Iron Man (2008), featured Pepperony--(a truely underrated ship that doesn’t get enough attention bc y’all can wrap your minds around healthy m/f relationships)--which wasn’t going to get a lot of traction until later movies.
It also set up Iron Husbands, but that ship also doesn’t gain a lot of traction until Iron Man 2 (2010), when they switch out Terrance Howards for Don Cheadle and we get that sweet “married for forty years” chemistry between Tony and Rhodey.
Still, Iron Husbands is a rarepair, probably because it’s an interracial ship. If we’re talking Tony ships, Pepperony is the first in the lineup, which is why I would guess it’s the third most popular ship.
The Incredible Hulk (2008) was second in that lineup and hardly worth mentioning (despite my undying love for Norton, but that’s off topic). We can scrap that film of characters and ships.
After that you get Thor (2011) which featured Fosterson (and Th/orki if you’re nasty) which also wasn’t going to get a lot of traction, not because it wasn’t canon yet, but because it’s a m/f ship.
Then, finally, you get Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) a film that features two white men that we can finally ship without there being technical incest!
So the first MCU film comes out to feature two men that the fandom was okay with shipping.
(Again, nothing wrong with shipping two white men, but it does become a problem when you ignore/bash POC/interracial ships to the determinant of your own white ship.)
Th/orki’s a bust (because again INCEST), Iron Husband’s doesn’t have the chemistry/isn’t white enough for audiences, m/f’s are pushed to the side by shippers, and any other male characters haven’t interacted in canon as of yet.
But what’s the appeal? Why is Stucky the ship of the MCU when we have other noncanonical gems like IronStrange and WinterIron. (Not being sarcastic, those two ships genuinely slap.)
The answer to that is the crux of my thesis.
Why Did SamBucky Succeed While Stucky Crashed and Burned
Well, the answer to that lies in chemistry. I mentioned above that Evans and Stan lacked the kind of chemistry I usually observe in most ships that are queerbaited or otherwise. That isn’t to say that they’re bad actors or their characters don’t come across as friends. They do, however, lack intimacy and passion.
I’m not joking.
Let me ask you this: what do these ships have in common?
If your answer was "Tony Stark" yes you're right, but no that's not the point. The point is, in all of these very VERY different ships with incredibly different dynamics. The SAME PERSON is in all of these gifs. And yet each dynamic is vastly different and still incredibly interesting. I've said before that Tony Stark is the most shippable character in the MCU, but honestly it comes down to how amazing of an actor RDJ is and how elegantly he's able to convey intimacy, longing, and hate with a single glance.
Stucky...the closest I can come to seeing the chemistry in Stucky is here:
And that's mostly props to Sebastian Stan for having puppy eyes. Besides a few instances where Evans and Stan manage to convey the kind of intimacy stans say they have in the movies, most of the time Stucky gives us the same, boring dynamic that's tired of itself.
Literally the plot to EVERY SINGLE movie that features Steve and Bucky they have the SAME DYNAMIC and the SAME DILEMMA. Bucky’s in trouble and Steve has to save him.
It is beyond me why Stucky is the most shipped ship in the MCU--literally, the only reason I can fathom it is with my explanation of Stucky being the first white m/m ship in the fandom--when there is literally no chemistry or drama.
What even is their dynamic beyond “yeah we were childhood friends but we never actually talk or act like it” and “Steve has to save Bucky again”? You reach Endgame and the “Steve has to save Bucky again” agenda is on it’s fifth (?) run and then boom! Steve suddenly abandons Bucky in present-day to marry his old flame Peggy Carter and like…
Yeah I can see why Stucky fans are mad bc not only does that not make sense--considering the way previous films with them have gone--but also it proves my point. They have no romantic chemistry.
Stucky crashed and burned because Steve had more chemistry with a married woman he shared one movie with from the 1940s than the guy he promised “to the end of the line” with. There was absolutely nowhere the writers could go with them. What were they going to do? Make another movie where Steve has to save Bucky again?
“bUt tHEy cOUlD haVE mADe tHEm cANOn!?!?11!”
No, they really couldn’t. Besides the fact that Disney is never going to have a queer main character due to being unable to market their films in China and the fact that their executives are homophobic, Stucky was never set up to be canon at any point.
Yes, there are ships that weren’t supposed to be canon that lead to becoming canon because the actors had mad chemistry or that’s where the story led them, but the story didn’t lead to Stucky becoming canon and honestly? They don't have the chemistry.
So why does SamBucky work?
Tell me their chemistry doesn’t just radiate from the screen. Say it to my face.
Sam and Bucky work because their characters actually have somewhere to go and they feel like actual partners rather than two people canon says are partners. We actually get to see their relationship progress and grow strong. Stucky is a huge fan of tell but don’t show. SamBucky is the exact opposite.
I haven’t even seen TFATWS straight through yet--(honestly I wasn’t going to touch the MCU ever again and I’m not really up to watch military propaganda: mcu edition, but Loki (2021) is slowly dragging me back in)--and I can already tell that the writing, the characters, and the atmosphere is 1000% more interesting than any Captain America movie ever was.
I don’t even have to go into a huge, in-depth analysis on why SamBucky works because compared to Stucky? Any Bucky ship is better. SamBucky just happens to be the closest m/m to canon and we just got new content for it.
(Also Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie have mad chemistry, but y'all can see that from the gifs and if you've watched the show.)
SamBucky works because they have the chemistry and storyline to support their relationship, romantic or platonic. Stucky crashed and burned because it was a stale dynamic that had nothing left to offer.
#sambucky#anti stucky#james bucky barnes#sam wilson#steve rogers#marvel#mcu#ca:tws#ca:tfa#ca:cw#endgame#endgame critical#mcu critical#my meta#fandom negativity#fandom critical#anti stucky shippers#anti stucky fans
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Insatiable ( Jungkook x OC) Chapter 2
Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x OC
Rating 18+
Genre : Vampire Au!!!! , DILF! Jungkook ! Bodyguard AU! Babysitter OC! Age difference!!! [ bet you’ve never seen all of this in one fic before? ]
[ Some notes : Born Vampires stop aging when they turn twenty five. Turned vampires stop aging when they’re turned. ]
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
“You alright?” Somi asked gently, watching me fling my backpack into the corner of the room with enough force to dislodge one of the wooden panels on the wall, the shelf crashing and bringing down the two potted plants on it. The sound of ceramic shattering made me wince, regret churning in my stomach.
“Yeah...yeah. Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Somi.. I broke your pots-”
“Never mind the pots...why do you look so upset? Have you been crying?” She demanded , reaching for me, hands curling around my wrists and drawing me into a hug and I swallowed, my throat dry and eyes swollen from all the tears that I’d wrung out of them.
Outside the room, Namjoon stood guard, at the door and I felt guilty remembering how the past three hours had gone.
After confronting Jungkook, I’d stormed off in righteous indignation and poor Namjoon had been forced to follow.
He had kept a discreet distance as I climbed to the tallest ridge on the roof, scaling the gables with ease and I knew he had been terrified at the prospect of me falling.
Immortal or not a three hundred foot drop to the ground would be something that would hurt.
And it was my bodyguard’s job to make sure I did not get hurt.
When he wasn’t busy fucking other women that is.
I gripped my sister harder, fingers curling into the fir of her coat as I tried to catch my bearing.
“Do you know Helena?” I whispered, pulling away to look at her. Somi’s face fell,eyes filling with sympathy.
“Oh, no. Was she here?” She asked gently, reaching out and cupping my cheeks and my lips wobbled.
“Why didn’t you warn me that he was in a relationship?” my voice shook and Somi shook her head.
“He’s not!! God, Helena doesn’t do relationships. Jungkook and her.... well, I’m not sure but they’re just fuck buddies..... barely that. You know she’s from the Kim clan right? Those bloodsuckers never settle for one partner. “ She muttered.
I stared at her.
“He called me a child and then told me he’ll tell dad if i try to make a move on him.” I whispered.
Somi flinched.
“Sera....”
“It was humiliating and painful and I don’t ever want to think about it, ever again.” I muttered.
She sighed.
“It’s not like you don’t have men dying for a glance from you, Sera. You forget that you’re literally the most beautiful woman in the clan. If he rejects you, you’re definitely not the one missing out in that equation.”
I nodded, misery seeping into me. My sob-fest on the roof hadn’t been wasted. I was angry at first but now, a sort of resigned acceptance had taken the place of my anger.��
The look on Jungkook’s face had been too real, the emotion behind his rejection too potent for me to get over. I wasn’t sure I could change his mind.
Wasn’t even sure if I wanted to.
“Was he very hurtful ? You know, if you tell dad, he’ll hire someone else and-”
“No.” I said immediately. “ I won’t do that. It’s not his fault, it’s minge. I acted out like a...well a child to be honest. He doesn’t owe me anything and he’s always been obvious in his disinterest. I was just too blinded my own attraction to consider that it wasn’t reciprocated.” I grimaced.
God, I’d been an idiot and Jungkook’s words had knocked some good sense into my head. But I did care for him and his son and they needed this job. I wouldn’t put his job in jeopardy just because I didn’t get my way.
I was better than that.
“Alright... Dad wanted to meet you for breakfast tomorrow.... He sounded serious. Do you know what that’s about?”
I groaned, when I remembered the reason my dad wanted to see me these days.
“Dad wants me to start meeting men now. He thinks I’m old enough now that i’ve turned 21. He’s been badgering me for a whole entire month but I kept putting him off because of...well, because of Jungkook.” I admitted.
Somi looked worried.
“You want to ? If you don’t we can talk to dad and-”
“No-” I shook my head.” I’m just gonna agree.”
Somi looked surprised.
“Are you sure? Sera you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to-”
I smiled weakly.
“I’m not going to be allowed to stay single forever Somi. Especially not when the entirety of dad’s day is spent trying to chase suitors away from the door. Do you know the Count from Jeju Do...dude’s a whole seven centuries old and he looks like a toad. He apparently tried to ask about me and Dad’s been freaking out. “ I shuddered.
Somi laughed.
“ That’s what you get for being you. But dad’s right. Keeping you away from everyone is only inviting more interest. And we don’t want you to be with someone insufferable.” She ruffled my hair and I hugged her again sighing into her shoulders.
No I didn’t want to be with someone who just saw me as some kind of a possession to be owned. I wanted someone nice and kind. A handsome man who did the right thing . Someone who maybe, worked hard to give his kid a safe and protected life, someone who didn’t shun away from hard work and was a gentleman as well.
Someone like-
“Someone other than Jungkook.” Somi said gently reading my mind.
“I really liked him.” I whispered softly, feeling tears spring again.
God, I thought I was all out of tears for Jeon Jung Kook but apparently I was wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took extra care with my makeup the next morning, because my father usually had a ton of business meetings during his breakfast. I didn’t usually bother but , I was going to agree to his suggestions today and well, nothing wrong in delighting my father. And nothing made him happier than seeing me prance about with pretty feminine clothes .
My dad, for all his jovial cheerful air, loved his position as the head of the Hwang clan. And as his most prized possession , I was the apple of his eye. And while he didn’t treat me as an object or anything ( my dad loved me deeply and his affection was always evident. ) , there was no mistaking the fact that my dad enjoyed the power that came with being my guardian. Powerful men were willing to bend to his will, just for a chance to be with me.
I sound insufferable, don’t I?
Trust me I’m not.
The vampires that court me are usually assholes. Entitled, brain dead assholes .
When I opened the door in the morning, dressed in a short summer dress and ready to meet my dad, I was surprised to see Jungkook standing guard outside. He straightened away from the wall where he was fiddling with his phone, his gaze flitting to me, eyes cold and blank.
I bowed lightly, not smiling.
“Mr. Jeon. I have a breakfast date with my father and then I’ll be heading to the cottage. I’m also meeting a friend of mine at the Art Museum in the evening so i’ll need the Mercedes brought around to pick me up maybe at 5.00PM.” I said briskly, glancing at him.
My face flamed red when I noticed his gaze, fixed steadily on my ass. I cleared my throat angrily and his eyes met mine, a slow lazy grin playing around his mouth.
“You look different.” He commented , shamelessly giving me another once over.
The nerve.
I swallowed, willing myself not to blush harder.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
He chuckled.
“That dress barely covers your butt, angel. You sure you want to head to daddy dearest, dressed like that?” The way he said daddy made my skin heat up.
I felt my jaw come unhinged.
“That’s...that is none of your damn business.” I said shrilly.
He gave me another once over.
“Okay, then. If that’s what you’re into...fine. Let’s go.”
Gritting my teeth, i tried to keep my face neutral. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he got to me. I would not.
I walked ahead of him , my fists clenched and my jaw tight and I felt incredibly upset because the day had barely begun and I was already wound tight. I was supposed to be relaxed and clear headed while talking to my father but Jeon Jungkook had muddled my brains as usual.
I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
“Sera, wait.” His voice made me pause and I stopped, turning around to glare at him.
“What?” I snapped.
He sighed, deeply. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair, tongue pressing into his cheek the way it did when he was upset.
“About last night-”
I felt my pulse quicken.
“I don’t wanna talk about it!” I said quickly, turning back around to leave but his fingers came around my arm, gripping hard .
“Well tough luck. Because I do!” He said sharply.
I whimpered, pain blooming up my arm and he swore, loosening his grip.
“I keep forgetting you’re human.” He muttered, “ I’m sorry... I just... I wanted to apologize for how i handled things last night. I was twenty once and I should have been more understanding.”
I closed my eyes. Oh, God no. Please, please for the love of God, let me hate you in peace. Don’t apologize and make me fall in love all over again.
“Its fine.” I choked out. “ You were right. I was out of line.”
“You deserve better.” He said quickly, eyes flitting away from my face and I felt a sharp pang in my heart. God , this was agonizing.
“Jungkook-”
“It’s just that you’re...well you know who you are. You can’t be with ...someone like me and trust me you don’t want to be with someone like me either. I know its appealing, the whole illusion of stability. older man, has a kid, has his life together .....but that’s not all it means .” He gave me a tired smile.
I bit my lips, ot replying and he went on.
“ I have baggage, a shit ton of it and I would have to be especially cruel to unload something like that on a girl barely out of her teens. I’ve done shit I’m not proud of ,....but ruining your life, I’m gonna draw the line there.” He smiled , looking a whole decade younger and I closed my eyes.
I was back to square one, I thought miserably. He had my whole heart.
“ So we’re good right?” He prompted and I exhaled, giving him a smile.
“We’re good.”
“That’s good. Because my son loves you and I would rather we be friends. You’re just like a daughter to me. ” He touched my face gently, pulling away at once, the small contact leaving fire in its wake and I had to clench my fists .
A daughter?!! Is he out of his damned mind?
“Okay.”
“Let’s go then.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Jungkook, please sit down. You’re like my son and I don’t want you hovering like you’re part of the backdrop. I’ve trusted you with my entire life.” My father beamed, pointing at me and i laughed.
Jungkook bowed respectfully, taking the chair next to me.
“How are you , my buttercup?” My father asked softly, fingers gripping mine and I smiled.
“I’m well, father. Do you like my dress?”
Next to me Jungkook coughed and I shot him a dirty look.
“It looks ravishing on you. The prettiest flower in my estate is my daughter, do you agree Jungkook?” My father prompted and I swallowed the smirk that threatened.
Poor Jungkook was going to learn that being my bodyguard meant singing my praises twenty four seven or at least anytime my father was in hearing distance.
“Uh..” Jungkook’s eyes flitted between the two of us, “ Yes sir. Your daughter is quite lovely.”
I beamed at him and he looked away quickly.
Coward.
Turning back to my dad I held my hand out.
“DAd, you wanted to see me about something?”
“Yes dearest. You know the Kim clan’s matriarch has been after me. Three of her great great great grandsons have come of age recently. And all three of them are set to take over some very lucrative businesses. They are good men and apparently they’re quite smitten with you. They say you know of them from school?”
I sighed.
“Do you know their names?” I prompted.
“Mingyu, Minjae and Yugyeom.” My father said briskly.
Ugh.
“ They’ve asked me out before, yes.”
“Uh..Excuse me.. Could I get a refill?” Jungkook said quietly next to me and i turned, watching him wave to one of the footmen.
“Jungkook, are you thirsty?” My father asked brightly.
An idea formed in my head, wicked and dangerous.
“Perhaps, he should get a taste of the Hwang Elixir?” I said innocently.
My father’s gaze snapped to mine.
A small frown made its way to his face.
“Are you sure? I’m not sure if Jungkook would be comfortable-”
I turned to him, purposely flipping my long hair off my shoulders exposing my throat . Jungkook’s eyes went to the curve of my neck at once and i felt a sick sort of triumph when his eyes flashed red.
“Oh, no no...” I crooned, leaning in closer. “ I’m sure you aren’t uncomfortable , are you Jungkook ssi? After all, I am just like a daughter to you , aren’t I?” I stared right at him, fluttering my lashes and I saw his jaw clench.
“Of course, Ms. Hwang.” He said briskly, glaring at me. I played with the small gold chain around my neck, letting my fingers flutter over my pulse , drawing his gaze there.
“Well, that is true ...” My father looked uncertain, but I gave him a gentle nod and a smile.
“Well, as a special guest, I suppose you can enjoy our hospitality , Jeon. Why don’t you take a drink from -”
I moved closer, pressing up against him and Jungkook sighed, lips closing over my neck, and I felt my eyes flutter shut at the wet warmth of his mouth .
It was intoxicating, the way he used one hand to grip my neck gently, the other on my waist to steady me and when his fangs pierced through, I could sense the warm liquid flood his mouth and Jungkook’s entire body relaxed, a strangled moan escaping him.
“---my daughter’s wrist.” My father finished and I felt Jungkook stiffen next to me.
This time I couldn’t stop the grin that bloomed on my face.
My eyes dropped to his lap and yup, his pants definitely looked a tad tighter.
“Did I do good, Mr Jeon? Or should I call you daddy? ” I whispered quietly , fluttering my lashes at him and his fangs retracted and he pulled away from me, shoving me back into my own chair quickly.
My father was slightly slack jawed.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hwang. “ Jungkook muttered and I laughed.
“I do believe it is I whom you should be apologizing to. It is my neck you just mauled. ” I smiled brightly staring at Jungkook and if looks could kill, I would have a thousand wooden stakes through my heart right about now. ‘
Take that Mr. Jeon.
Daughter, my ass.
“My apologies , Sera.” He said stiffly.
My father laughed raucously.
“Ahh, you must be used to the neck, my dear boy. understandable understandable. it is how we used to do it in the old days, after all . These younglings with all their etiquette and feminism and what not....it’s hard to keep up..... But now you must tell me? Is my daughter not the sweetest you’ve ever had?”
I choked, coughing. Oh God, sometimes my 900 year old father had no idea how he sounded.
Jungkook looked like he had swallowed a lemon.
“She’s certainly ...” He stopped, probably realizing that any adjective at the end of that sentence would sound entirely wrong.
“Delicious?” I prompted, blinking innocently and Jungkook shot me another glare.
“Well, nevermind nevermind. .... So, tell me dearest, will you be willing to meet the Kim boys?”
I sighed.
“I like Yugyeom. I cannot stand Minjae. I don’t know enough about Mingyu to make any judgement. How about I meet Mingyu and if I don’t hit it off with him, I will allow Yugyeom to court me....” I said softly.
I glanced at Jungkook but he was studiously looking away.
“Very well my dear. Do you have any plans today?”
“I’m meeting a friend at the museum.”
My father’s eyes widened.
“Well isn’t that a wonderful coincidence. Mingyu's law firm is just a block away if I’m not mistaken. I’ll ask the boy to pick you up afterwards. Have dinner with him and you can tell me tonight of your choice.” My father smiled briskly.
“Yes, father.”
“Jungkook..” My father prompted and the vampire glanced up.
“Yes, sir?”
“Take good care of her. At the restaurant, make sure you stay at hearing distance. “
“Yes sir.” Jungkook bowed and I groaned.
In other words, let my father know if I behaved appropriately.
i pouted and my father waggled his finger at me.
“No, no no.. Missy. I’m going to make sure you keep your end of the bargain . You need to give these men a proper chance before you reject them. “
I nodded.
“And you must ask Either Somi or Seolhyun to dress you. No jeans or one of those ridiculous gowns that make you look like a pastry.”
There was no mistaking the snort that came from my right and i glared at Jungkook before turning to my dad.
“Yes, father.”
“Good, now run along the pair of you. “
I stood up, kissing my father fondly on his forehead.
“I love you.” I whispered.
“You are my whole entire joy, dearest. “ He kissed my hand gently, eyes warm and soft.
As we left the room, Jungkook let out a sigh.
“I am never having a meal with you two again.” He ground out and I laughed.
“Anything you say, daddy.” I grinned.
Jungkook groaned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As luck would have it, my friend cancelled .
So at six the evening, I finished locking up the cottage as the last of the kids left, fumbling with the lock while a tired Joo Won napped in his father’s arms, head resting on Jungkook’s shoulders. I felt myself soften at the picture they made, Jungkook singing softly , fingers brushing his son’s hair back as he rocked him gently.
“I’ll be a while... I needed to get ready. Why don’t you put him to bed? Who’s watching him tonight?”
“Hwasa and Moonbyul offered. I’ll drop you off in your room and head to the north wing. What time are you meeting the jerkwad?” He said casually.
I blinked rapidly, confused.
“I’m sorry... the jerkwad?”
Jungkook shrugged.
“It’ just a fact. Most men are absolute jerks at twenty one.” He shrugged.
i felt myself bristling on behalf of the unknown Mingyu.
“That is absolutely unfair. My brothers were incredibly kind and good.”
“To you perhaps. Because they don’t have to impress you. But men act differently when they’re trying to get between a woman’s thighs. They’re jerks when they want to get laid...” He grinned.
“Is that why you act like a jerk to me? ” I smiled evilly and he rolled his eyes.
“Oh, darling we both know I don’t have to act in any different way to get you into my bed . I just have to do this.” He smirked, curling his finger in a come hither gesture.
I felt my pulse pound and I tried not to let his words get to my head. He was flirting , yes but it was a joke. He was joking with me because the very idea of being with me was a joke to him.
And I couldn’t forget that.
Rolling my eyes, I pulled on the lock a couple more times to make sure the door was well locked.
“Shall we leave?” He prompted watching me wrestle the backpack onto my shoulders. I grunted under the weight.
“Of course. Let’s go.”
We walked in silence for a few seconds.
“So, how’s he doing? With stuff?” Jungkook asked gently and I felt warmth bloom in my chest.
“He’s very advanced for his age Jungkook. You’ve done a wonderful job with him. He’s able to read and he has a beautiful l writing hand. He’s learned his multiplication tables all the way up to seven and he has the voice of an angel. Which I think he gets from you. ” I smiled, reaching out to brush the back of Joowon’s head.
Jungkook smiled softly, the late evening sun painting his perfect features in a soft golden glow.
“Your father was kind enough to support me the first few years when i had him. I didn’t trust anyone enough to leave him with them and well... i needed to put a roof over our head.” He sighed .
I touched his arm, giving it a small squeeze.
“I understand. I’m glad you’re here. He’ll grow up well in our clan. “
“And he has a lot of excellent men to look up to here...He needs a good role model, someone kind and amazing who can inspire him to be hardworking and fair. ” He smiled.
I bit my lips.
“I think he’s had that all along. ” I said quietly.
Jungkook’s breath caught for a second and the air between us changed. I licked my lips.
“Jungkook you’re a good father. You know that right?” I said after a few more seconds of silence.
He laughed.
“Am I really? I wonder.”
“He loves you.” I breathed , “ You’re all he talks about.... Today, one of the other kids tried to say that his father was brave because he helped someone who was stuck in an elevator. you know what Joowon did? He listed some twenty different incidents where you’ve helped people out....And he looked so proud.”
Jungkook’s ear looked red in the brightly lit garden.
“i was just doing my job. Most of those times, I was in danger.” He grunted.
“And yet, you did the right thing. “ I whispered. “ And your son was watching. And he’s learned the importance of doing the right thing even when you’re scared. That’s a life lesson that isn’t easy to learn.”
“Can’t disagree with that.” He chuckled. I grabbed his arm forcing him to stop.
I had to tell him this.
“ Jungkook, when immortality is on the plate, people don’t give much value to morals. They don’t always care about doing the right thing.... . Its how our kind functions. Consequences don’t mean much when you have a whole eternity to fix your mistakes.....So I always admire vampires who value morals. “ I smiled, “ To see a five year old with such a well formed moral compass... it tells me that you’re an amazing father. Possibly the best I’ve ever met. “ I reached out, to hold his hand, wanting to touch him in some way, to make him believe that I was completely honest.
“Sera!!!!!!” My sister’s voice made me jump and Jungkook stepped away as well.
“Dad told me you’re going on a date? I’ve picked out an outfit for you!! But you need to take a shower! You cannot show up smelling like diapers and spit-up.” She called.
I groaned.
“Time for the ugly duckling to transform into a swan, I see?” He said gently.
“Your son’s favorite fairytale.” I whispered.
“He makes me read it every night.”
“I would like to sit in on that someday.” I laughed.
His eyes met mine.
“You’re always welcome, Ms Hwang,” He smiled politely. “ Someday soon maybe your kids and my son would be friends.”
And just like that the wall grew between us.
His kids and my kids.
Not our kids because he wasn’t for me.
He would never be for me.
I felt the sudden inexplicable urge to cry.
Turning away, I began following my sister as she waved to me. .
“I’ll be at your door at seven.” He called out behind me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#jeon jungkook#jungkook smut#jungkook fics#jungkook#bts fics#jungkook vampire au#jungkook vampire#bts vampire au#bts smut#bts fic#bts fanfic#jungkook fanfic
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Heyo! So I’ve been in the sterek fandom for quite some time now and I’ve been wondering about how you would describe stiles’ personality?
I’ve never actually sat down and watched a full episode of teen wolf (and honestly I’m not sure if I ever will considering everything I’ve heard about how they treat derek and his history but idk who knows I’m very curious in a lot of the plot lines and character development), and a lot of the stuff I know about the show I’ve scraped from fics, gifs, and meta posts
For me personally, Stiles’ personality and characterization is so fluid and nuanced that sometimes I have trouble pinning him down (tho derek doesn’t have trouble with that *wink wink*) So I would love to hear your thoughts! Sorry for the long ask, this grew legs and an ugly mug shdhdhhdjdcj anyhow have a great day :D
Well, everybody's got different perspectives and opinions on Stiles' personality, honestly. Even when you try to stick to 'canon' things, there's a lot of room for interpretation on the why when he does things, or what it says about him as a person, etc etc etc.
Personally, I see canon Stiles as kind of an asshole. I mean, I love him, and he does some incredible things, and he's clearly got an intense love for those close to him. But I do make him kinder in fics, or I at least make him regret being a dick.
In canon, we're given a Stiles who cracks 'dead baby' jokes (he's talking about human sacrifice, so the conversation was already plenty morbid. This wasn't out of the blue.) Who begs for Scott to let Jackson die (though it's made clear that this wasn't serious, and he later works to save Jackson's hide like ten times over), and who will mercilessly poke and prod at people's insecurities or painful pasts, especially when worked up.
Isaac's previous abuse isn't a no-go topic. Derek having 'dated' (read: been assaulted at worst and at best, been lied to) serial killers isn't something he's going to tread lightly around. He doesn't try to soften things to save someone's feelings most of the time.
He's presented as someone who is incredibly impulsive, with his emotions, words, and actions. It's kind of implied this is because of his ADHD, but that doesn't explain how often the impulsively cruel or harsh things he says aren't retracted or apologized for, or just generally regretted. Yes, ADHD people are impulsive, and yes sometimes our mouths get away from us and we can end up saying some Fucked Up shit to people because we literally couldn't control the words coming out. But that doesn't mean we're cruel or evil or mean. We still feel bad for doing those things, and those of us who are decent people, try to fix or repair what we've messed up.
I am...not a fan of how often ADHD is used as an excuse to make a character a dickhead because "he has no filter." No filter means we struggle to control our thoughts and what we say, it doesn't make us heartless.
So, when I'm writing him, I fix it. Even if he still Does something fucked up, I have him care that he did it. I have him realize what he did or said wasn't okay and respond to that knowledge in some way. Which to some people, means I'm just ignoring what a fucker he is, but imo it feels like a horrible fuckup on the creator's parts, so I'm just correcting the mistake. He's no less Stiles just bc I taught him to say sorry.
Anyway. I'm trying NOT to ramble here.
To answer your question, as best I can; Stiles is sarcastic. Stiles is passionate to a fault. His emotions are BIG, whatever they are. Good, Bad, or even apathy. Whatever feelings he has are just intense. He is very much a no gods, no kings, no masters, kind of man. There isn't really an 'authority' to him, except maybe his dad sometimes. He puts family, and those he considers family, First. But that doesn't mean he isn't selfless. Because he is. Incredibly so. Uncomfortably so.
He walks into gasoline for his friends. He puts himself in the position of losing the only parent he has left, for his classmates. He cares enough about strangers to insist a drunk girl he's spoken to for five minutes max stay hydrated and give her a bottle of water. He literally handed over his mind on a platter to a fox demon for someone he barely fucking knew, to keep her safe.
Loyal. Humorous. A fighter. Family-oriented. Clever. Passionate. Strong, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And a very good liar, in my opinion.
He doesn't lie very well in the show, not to people's faces. He'll stumble around a "I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him" or "are you asking me to tell you what I would have told you if I were going to tell you it?" but at the same time, he can repress and hide away his feelings and his pain in a way not even Derek manages.
He asked Caitlin questions about her girlfriend, and worked to solve the human sacrifices, literal minutes after finding out he'd just lost his oldest friend. He drove Lydia to the warehouse to save Jackson after having the shit beat out of him by a man who'd been learning to cause pain since he was a CHILD. And he never gives away how incredibly broken he is for more than a couple seconds. and it's a little frightening, because he convinces people in this show who are lie detectors that he's okay, when he's a fucking mess. Even Derek shows his pain.
You're right that he's nuanced, and part of that is because when you see him in meta or in fic, what you're seeing is a dozen versions of him sort of compressed into a flat image. Because he changes throughout the show, and while some of his core personality stays the same, a lot of stuff changes. So one fic might harp on his insensitivity, and callousness toward Isaac or how easily he says "just let them die" when talking about Derek or someone else. And then another will dive into how fucking far he's willing to go, travelling all the way to mexico and facing down a hunter clan a dozen times more powerful than the argents with no one but a banshee at his side, just to get Derek back. Or how he saw Malia hurting and sat with her on a couch and held her hand. One is a much earlier version of Stiles, from the start of the show, the other from his midpoint. Near the end, you're able to say that he was so torn about leaving Derek while he was dying, he had to be Begged to go save Scott. That he manipulated an ENTIRE FBI investigation in order to save and protect Derek. (im focusing on derek bc sterek, but also bc his relationship with Derek is the Biggest Arc he has in the show, and the most solid)
You're going to read about different versions of him, and I totally get how that's confusing.
We all sort of bleed ourselves into him and either bring certain canon characteristics to the forefront, or straight up add our own so he's more relatable to us.
So while I can't really help you pin down any specific Stiles, just know that there's not really a 'true' Stiles that anyone can confirm or deny. It's all just perception, so however you see him, go with it. Strengthen it. Explore it. I'm sure you'll find people who see what you do.
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Simply Meant To Be (pt 1)
An expansion on this soulmate blurb (no Virgil in this one though)
[part 2]
Rating: teen
Word Count: 2130
Pairings: Roceit, Intrulogical
Warnings: minor swearing
~~~START~~~
Roman is a romantic, that’s just a fact. He loves love. Any day he gets to watch two soulmates meet each other is automatically a good day. The second best day of his life was getting to watch Remus meet their soulmate when they were sixteen. The best day of his life is reserved for when he meets his own soulmate.
It hasn’t happened yet, but it will. One day.
For now, Roman is content with being colorblind (well not content, but he’s learned to not let it bother him too much). Remus and Logan are actually a huge help with that. Logan has even gone as far as to make a list of all of Roman’s clothing and includes a chart of what pieces do and do not go together based on Remus’ (admittedly professional) opinions, and Remus actually went through and labeled all of Roman’s makeup with what color it is and what kind of look it should go with.
Anyone who vaguely knew the twins might think that Remus would use this opportunity to mess with Roman, but Remus knows how much Roman hates being colorblind; they would never lie to Roman about colors — about other things? Sure, but not colors.
Remus and Logan met when Logan moved to their school from Georgia. One day Remus had claimed that there was a trail of color — they would later learn that it was navy blue, Logan’s soon-to-be favorite color — leading from the parking lot, to the main office, to the east wing. They’d chosen to skip first period in order to follow it, having never seen the trail before, and Roman, being unwilling to miss the opportunity to watch his brother meet their soulmate, followed him. Remus had walked right into a physics classroom, and straight for a boy with short curls and thick glasses that Roman had never seen before and declared him their soulmate.
Roman got detention for skipping first period, Remus got a pass on account of meeting their soulmate.
Most people met their soulmates before they turned twenty-five, after all, how difficult can it be when all you have to do is find the trail of color they leave behind them everywhere they go and follow it?
Well, as Roman has learned in his thirty-five years of being alive, it can be pretty freaking difficult.
As children, Roman and Remus had wandered their town far and wide looking for colorful trails, and even after they met Logan, Remus continued to go with Roman as he searched, even if they couldn’t see Roman’s soulmate’s trail themself. As soon as Roman graduated from high school, he took the customary gap year that most everybody who hadn’t met their soulmates yet takes to search for their soulmates.
He never caught a glimpse of anything.
“What if I missed them somehow? What if I saw their trail and just didn’t realize it?” Roman whines one day at his usual Saturday brunch — because they’re adults goddammit — with Remus and Logan.
“You wouldn’t have missed them, Ro bro,” Remus assures him as they do every time Roman starts lamenting about having not met his soulmate yet. “Colors are so unmistakable that there’s no way you’ll miss them.”
“And even if you are genetically colorblind — which is unlikely considering Remus is not,” Logan continues before Roman has a chance to respond. “I have read multiple papers that state that soultrails will still make themselves distinct. There are multiple accounts of the trails emitting light, absorbing light, or even emitting sound. All of that is, of course, on top of the translucent cloud that follows your soulmate’s every move. I find it improbable that you, of all people, would not have noticed a soultrail.”
“Yeah, I know you guys are right,” Roman sighs. “I just want to meet them! I’ve travelled all over the place looking for them, where are they?”
Remus says nothing, which Roman is grateful for because Remus has a habit of saying dark jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood, and Roman really doesn’t need to hear them suggest that his soulmate died in a car crash or something right now. Besides, the question is rhetorical. If Remus could see Roman’s soulmate’s trail, then he’s sure they would have spent the last nineteen years looking for them too.
“Sorry, I guess I brought the mood down,” Roman apologizes. “How are you guys?”
Remus opens their mouth.
“The PG version, please!” Roman rushes to say before Remus can mentally scar him. Again.
Remus closes their mouth again.
Logan rolls his eyes fondly and proceeds to get Roman up to date on all the high school gossip.
“- and of course the middle school’s robotics instructor left suddenly to follow her soulmate to England, so I have taken over as their advisor until a suitable replacement can be hired.”
“How is that?” Roman asks, cringing at the thought of having to deal with middle schoolers. Kids in general kind of freak him out, but middle schoolers especially.
“It has been fine, they are not as adept as my high school students, but of course for many of them this is their introduction to such things, so I’m trying to be patient and supportive.”
Roman snorts at that. He’s sure Logan is a good teacher, but his brother-in-law can be a bit short tempered, and has a habit of talking down to people who don’t understand what he’s trying to tell them.
“Don’t laugh at him!” Remus jumps in to defend their soulmate. “Logan’s great with kids, it’s adults he has a problem with.”
“They are much too old to be as ignorant as they are,” Logan defends himself resolutely.
“Of course they are, Sugar Butt.” Logan cringes slightly at the pet name, which is really all Remus is ever looking for with their pet names.
“Anyway,” Logan says, somewhat forcefully. “There is one student who seems to know what he is doing, but he doubts himself at every turn. I have tried telling him that he is doing everything correctly, but he is… reluctant to trust himself.”
“Maybe as the year goes on he’ll gain confidence,” Remus suggests. Logan hums in acknowledgment, and Roman takes that as the end of talking about Logan’s students. “Oh! Ro bro! Did you hear the theater got a new makeup artist?”
“Finally!” Roman groans, thinking back on their last makeup artist. “I swear Lisa was trying to poke my eyes out every time she did my eyeliner!”
“Oh she probably was,” Remus comments offhandedly. “I told her — back when she first started with the theater — that you thought that makeup artisting was a waste of time.”
“WHAT!?” Roman screeches, gaining the attention of the staff and other patrons.
“Roman,” Logan warns, growing uncomfortable under the curious stares.
“How could you do that to me?” Roman hisses at a much quieter volume. “I never said that! She hated me for five years because of you!”
Remus shrugs, slurping the end of their drink through their straw loudly.
“You better not make the new artist hate me!”
“I would never!” Remus gasps, clutching their heart dramatically.
Roman glares.
“Cross my heart!” Remus insists with a much too innocent expression.
“I hate you.”
Remus just gasps again before dissolving into uncontrollable giggles.
~~~
There isn’t rehearsal on Sunday, so Roman doesn’t have to go in to work. Unfortunately, he is saddled by the knowledge that Remus — as the theater’s costume designer — does have to go in today, and therefore has a whole day to lie to the new makeup artist about him.
Come Monday, all Roman can do is hope that Remus hasn’t done irreparable damage.
“Calm down,” Remus orders when they come to pick Roman up. “They weren’t even in yesterday; I haven’t met them yet.”
“I’m not letting you ruin my relationship with the makeup artist again,” Roman pouts.
“Just try and stop me!” Remus cackles.
Once they reach the theater, Roman practically jumps from the car before Remus has even parked.
“REAL MATURE!” Remus yells after him as he sprints for the theater door.
“THIS ONE IS GOING TO LIKE ME!” Roman yells back.
“NOT IF I MEET THEM FIRST!”
Roman skids to a stop as soon as he reaches the lobby. Not expecting their twin to just be standing there, Remus slams into his back, throwing them both to the ground.
“The fuck, Ro Bro?” Remus demands as they flop off their brother and onto their back.
“I-I see it,” Roman whispers, voice filled with wonder.
“See what?” Remus demands. “The lobby? You’ve seen the lobby bef-oh!”
The awestruck look on Roman’s face finally clicks, and Remus bounces excitedly.
“You see it? Like it it?” Remus scrambles to their feet, dragging Roman up with them. “Where? Which way does it go?”
“It looks like how the sun feels,” Roman says instead of answering. “All light and warm and good.”
“Roman Kingsley you tell me which way your soulmate went this instant!” Remus demands loudly. This is important dammit!
“It goes from there,” Roman points to the side door that’s usually used by staff that take the bus to work. “To there,” the door leading backstage.
“Excellent!” Remus cheers dragging Roman forward. “Time for your date with destiny!”
Remus throws the backstage door open dramatically, but Roman groans as he realizes that his soulmate’s trail is going in literally every direction, making it impossible to know which way they went last.
“Well?” Remus asks expectantly.
“Either my soulmate is familiarizing themself to the theater, or they knew I’d be here and are trying to spite me,” Roman answers somewhat dejectedly. “I can’t tell which trail is freshest.”
“Well shit.” Remus scans each entry as though Roman’s soulmate will just happen to wander in (plausible, considering they’ve trailed all over the theater).
“Hey guys!” A voice calls from by the dressing rooms. The brothers turn to find Thomas, the owner of the theater and their boss.
“Thomas!” Remus cries gleefully. “My absolute favoritest person in the world behind my incredibly sexy soulmate!”
“Okay, so you want something,” Thomas answers with an amused grin. Remus always piles on the compliments when they want something.
“Who’s new today?” Roman asks, more to the point.
“Like, in the theater?” Thomas asks. “Just Janus, the new makeup artist. Why?” Thomas’s eyes widen as if he’s just had a realization. “You’re not going to prank him or something, are you? He’s very talented, I can’t have you scaring him away already!”
“Roman’s soulmate is the new makeup artist? Lame,” Remus pouts. “How am I supposed to trick him into hating Roman?”
“Soulmate?”
“My soulmate is in the building, Thomas!” Roman declares, striking a dashing pose before deflating a little. “Except his trail leads all over the place, I don’t know where he went!”
“Oh… well,” Thomas looks to each direction Janus could have gone, but he clearly doesn’t know which way Janus would have gone. “He said he wanted to get a lay of the land before everyone got here…”
“I got this!” Remus pipes up suddenly before cupping their hands around their mouth like a megaphone and screaming at the top of their lungs. “JANUS!”
“What?” A faint, far-off voice calls back, followed but the sound of hurried footsteps. “Thomas?”
“Dressing rooms!” Thomas calls back.
Footsteps thunder down the stairs, and all too soon a man appears on them.
The first time you lay eyes on your soulmate, you begin to see the world in color. Everyone’s experience is different: Remus said that as soon as he laid eyes on Logan, the world exploded violently into vibrant shades. Logan said that colors appeared one at time, quickly, but slow enough for him to notice. Roman’s mom said that her soulmate’s trail swelled to fill the space before things slowly began to take on their proper color, and his mama said that it was almost like everything had always had color, she just hadn’t bothered to notice before.
For Roman, the man before him is painted in vibrant shades while the background remains in grayscale, but as soon as the man makes eye contact, his colors begin to slowly bleed throughout the space.
The man’s eyes widen as he stares, slack-jawed at Roman — no doubt mirroring Roman’s own expression.
“I’m Roman,” Roman says quickly, before Remus can forever ruin his first meeting with his soulmate by making a dick joke or something.
The man smiles and Roman immediately decides that his favorite color is whatever this guy’s eyes are — they’re hazel, but Roman will later change his favorite color to red after realizing how stunning and bold the color is when it isn’t just another shade of gray.
“Janus.”
~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~
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