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bibuck-saved-me · 3 months

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it’s a selfish thought and arthur knows it because merlin has spent so much time hiding a vital part of his existence, his very being, all because of arthur. so he presses it down into the deepest recesses of himself and focuses on doing everything he can to support merlin, to give merlin the world he deserves. a world where he is free.

but sometimes, when he’s alone in his room surrounded by his endless responsibilities, he will think to himself, i am nothing.

merlin and the old religion hold him as this once and future king, but no matter what they say, he can’t understand why they think any of this is about him. it was never him. everything he’d done, every accomplishment and fight he’d won had never been his to claim. he was a fraud. he was a lonely king with nothing to his name beyond the blood on his hands, the blood staining his every crevice.

he isn’t the once and future king. he doesn’t deserve any of the praise. he is the moon, a piece of rock in the sky that shines only because of the sun. without the sun, the moon is worthless. without the sun, no one would have ever looked at the moon twice.

arthur had never been proud of his mistakes and his inaction when it came to his father’s slaughter, but he had been proud of the things he had done to keep his kingdom and his people safe and healthy and happy. he has fought and fought and fought only to discover he had never even landed a punch. every knockout, every victory he had held up to hide the ugly nothingness of his true, empty self was never his to hold. with the discovery of merlin’s magic, any worthiness he thought he’d earned had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sieve.

merlin is beautiful and powerful. merlin is a god amongst men, a gift given to this world, given to arthur, and for what?

this prophecy for arthur was always about merlin. he carried the weight, he fought and fought and fought and he won, merlin was the one who had carried this kingdom on his back until they reached the safety of the golden era of the current day.

it’s a selfish thought, to be thinking of himself in relation to merlin’s magic when merlin has suffered every single day because of arthur. and yet, in those moments, he can’t help but wonder why he was born at all, why he was named savior of a group of people who would’ve never died if only he had stayed unmade, a whisper of nothingness in his mother’s womb.

his first breath caused a massacre, a genocide, and yet he was given an angel and a title and a prophecy of greatness he could never actually fulfill.

he would never tell merlin about these thoughts he had. merlin would end up feeling guilty somehow, would carry the weight of arthur’s worthlessness even more by taking on the deserved revulsion arthur had for himself.

no, he couldn’t tell merlin about this. merlin would tell him he was wrong, would try to talk him up and fix it. would use that endless kindness to tell arthur endless stories about his own importance. merlin would shine his sunshine on arthur until arthur forgot he was just a lump of rock. he wouldn’t rest until arthur loved himself, until arthur took all the credit for merlin’s own accomplishments again.

no, he would keep this to himself. he would give merlin the attention and love he deserves. this story isn’t actually about arthur pendragon. it never was.

#idk what this is #anyway #sorry #me? projecting? never #also to clarify uh this is obviously not how i feel personally about arthur!!#i love that man i just wanted to explore how the insecurities we see him have in the show would look post magic reveal #merlin #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #bbc arthur #merthur #it’s hinted at more than anything though #character study #character introspection #might delete later #ficlet #angst

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shyjusticewarrior · 4 months

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curiousity-cell · 8 months

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sometimes i feel that people don’t really even /try/ to understand elain. like they have all these think pieces for lucien & azriel & gwyn etc, but they just don’t try with elain. they don’t bother. and it frustrates me to no end because you know exactly why that is - because she has more ‘feminine’ interests & this makes her ‘boring’. her hobbies are quiet, she likes to keep to herself & people often overlook her BECAUSE she likes to keep to herself.

rn i’m thinking of her childhood and what their mother says about elain & the sisters

- nesta was groomed to be the matchmaker - to find herself a match, elain a march & feyre eventually the find a match. that was her main priority. find herself a marriage & then sort out her sisters.

- feyre was ignored by their mother, not even considered. because she was a “wild thing” since birth and the mother evidently didn’t know how to handle that

- elain though? she’s deemed useless. mama archeron may not say it but you know it’s implied.

elain is pinned as useless and only good for her beauty. only good for what potential matches she could make in the future. i think this is integral to her character and why she keeps to herself so often. this is the potential context of her character that keeps me sympathetic to her and why i adore her so much. because after so many people call you useless from your childhood, eventually you start to believe it. eventually it sticks. eventually you only know yourself as useless and nothing more.

add on then their poverty when their soil wasn’t good enough to make vegetables, imagine how useless you feel there. that gardening and baking is the hobby you’ve found you’re good at, but you can’t even do that because the environment around you limits your capabilities. also, a lack of education in planting & harvesting vegetables because you can’t afford books and tools to learn how to do so.

[i’ve been trying to find the quote for the soil part as support but i can’t fucking find it so this is all i have]

imagine how useless you feel then. i think her becoming fae (as traumatic as it was) is actually helping her. it’s healing her. cerridwen and nuala are helping her, her discovery of being a seer is actively helping her realise she is not useless. she has worth. she is finding her worth.

this story to me (which will be in her book in acotar 5) is so compelling to me. elain discovering her worth and realising that she doesn’t have to be “the pretty one”, “the boring one”, that she /can/ be soft & strong all at once. that her optimism and her kindness is a strength.

i cant wait. i’m so excited. i adore her already based on pure observation i can’t wait to get inside her head. and i will continue to try to do it now until her book comes out because her story will always be compelling to me because it’s a different story to warrior-training-sword-fighting-uber-magical-powerhouses (no shade to feyre & nesta - i’m just very excited to learn about your sister :))

(I ALSO FOUND A REALLY CUTE FEYRE & ELAIN SCENE FROM ACOTAR 1 WHICH PROVES FEYRE FORGIVES HER i will post it later - i’m very enthusiastic about my archeron sisters & their bonding.)

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breakingdiamondboi · 5 months

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Getaway definitely deserved to be killed by Rodimus' hands. For gaslighting everyone? For killing people? For torturing their friends? For creating a mutiny? For stealing his ship? For ruining his quest? For everything that he did.

And yet...I'm glad that Rodimus wasn't the one that killed him.

A part of me wanted to see Rodimus beat the spark out of Getaway, tear him to pieces, and personally hand retribution to him he so desperately deserved. But the other part of me recognizes that it wouldn't have matched the theming of the overall story if Rodimus did end up killing him.

It wasn't about getting revenge. I mean, sure, Rodimus' whole motivation during Lost Light was to find Getaway. And in all our hopes, to kill him righteously. Yet, that's not what ended up happening, and instead we have this anticlimatic ending with this unbridled forgiveness that Getaway didn't deserve.

Rodimus could've just allowed him to burn and be forgotten. He could've moved on with his quest like nothing happened.

Yet, Rodimus doesn't kill him. And rightfully so.

I think the message is about forgiving and letting go that hatred rather than letting it consume you. He was consumed ever since Getaway took his ship. He allowed his whole world to shift. He was obsessed with getting his revenge, only he realized that it wasn't worth it.

Getaway wasn't worth it in the end, and so, much like Rodiumus' new paint job was burned away, he too let his anger burn away.

He gave him another chance, even he didn't deserve it at all.

It added to the overall theme of letting go. Letting go of the past and allowing yourself to enjoy the present, and reach out towards a better future.

Rodimus will always try to be better, both for selfish and selfless reasons. And while Getaway did die, it shows us that Rodimus continues to try to be better at letting go of the past.

#i love him so much #rodimus #rodimus prime #mtmte rodimus prime #mtmte rodimus #mtmte getaway #getaway #character introspection #mtmte spoilers #lost light spoilers #idw1 #idw mtmte #transformers mtmte #lost light #mtmte #transformers #maccadam #dbb drabbles

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vldsideblog · 11 months

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A Keith blurb

Warnings for: Keith’s shitty childhood, naxzela and everything that happend then. And probably other stuff lemme know if I missed anything

Keith had a nasty habit of throwing himself into all situations head first without a second thought.

As a child he’d run back into his burning home to retrieve his knife, nearly giving his poor pop a heart attack. His dad held him by the shoulders as they waited for the fire department and begged him with tears in his eyes to never be so reckless with his own life again. But Keith had never been good at listening to reason.

His pop had repeated the message countless times over the years. When he climbed the tallest tree he could find and broke an arm falling from it, when he got chased by a rattlesnake after getting too close to it’s nest, when he played outside all day in the burning summer sun and got heatstroke.

And then one day it appeared his pop didn’t take his own advice either. And Keith was alone.

At first he’d tried to be good he really had, but the grief and the anger and the resentment began to weigh on him. Everyday it felt as if he was dragging a mountain behind him, and at some point he couldn’t take it anymore.

If a schoolmate’s teasing became too much he would lash out, fists always ready for a fight. If another kid at the group home stole something of his he would bite and kick and take it back. He ran away more times than he could count, reaching desperately for a better life, where he mattered, where he was more than a bad kid, where he wasn’t in pain.

Keith stole food when he was denied meals at the homes, he took up graffiti as a way to express his anger, the first time he ended up in the back of a cop car he realized how far he’d strayed from his pop’s advice. He never expected things to get any better.

Then something changed.

Someone gave him a chance to be more than a delinquent.

And Keith didn’t know how to feel about that. But he figured what else do I have going for me?

And eventually life got better. He found people who cared, folks he considered not only friends but family as well. He discovered better coping mechanisms and let himself enjoy his interests and hobbies. He no longer lived in survival mode constantly.

Sure Keith had bad days, when memories haunted him, when he couldn’t stand being around other people. He was still reckless and got into fights, but it was more rare. Life was better.

Then Shiro disappeared, and Matt was gone, and Adam was grieving. He let his temper get the best of him and he fled to the desert. The worst part was he wasn’t sure if he regretted his recklessness. The vindication might have been worth it.

And everything was empty. And time blurred. And Keith was alone again. It was almost like nothing had changed at all. Like it had been a crazy dream. He’d never left the desert.

Then Keith was in space fighting for the freedom of the known and unknown universe, and Shiro was back but he was different. He was haunted, and he wished Shiro didn’t have to experience nightmares like he did. But he did and Keith stuck by his side like the loyal brother he was. He accepted his duty as a defender easier than the others, if not for the fact that he’d always been a fighter. This time he just wasn’t protecting himself.

Then his entire world had flipped upside down, but in a completely different way than he had become accustomed to.

Keith was galra. Keith was the enemy. Keith was a monster.

He’d suspected as much, he’d always been strange to say the least. Keith couldn’t even begin to count the number of times he realized he was different. That his teeth were sharper, the dark was much of a hindrance, he could smell things others couldn’t.

But he didn’t think he’d ever get an answer, especially not one like this.

Things were tense for a while, but he was reassured that he was part of the team and nothing would change that. But over time he started to believe that less and less.

And then Naxzela happened. And Keith almost died for the cause. He was ready to follow his pop into the flames and become one with the ashes. He’d pulled the trigger and everything, it was a complete coincidence that he even survived.

And his hands were shaking on the controls. And he couldn’t breathe. His eyes were streaming, and he could barely hear someone calling his name through the radio.

Keith had always been reckless.

#vld #keith kogane #voltron #voltron legendary defender #keith voltron #keith headcanon #broganes #autistic keith #texas kogane #galra keith #fic drabble #self sacrifice #Naxzela #angst #keith angst #character introspection #I’m feeling angsty about Keith again #feel free to scream at me for this

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honorarybuckley · 22 days

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and you kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever

tommy leaves and buck does what he does best. he spirals.

he stands there, in the same spot where they’d kissed, for a long time. his lips are still warm and buzzing and his bad leg is starting to ache from where his knees are locked.

something feels different. everything feels different. he kissed a man. he kissed tommy. and he wants to do it again. can’t wait for saturday where he hopes it will happen again. he feels lighter, like taking off his turnout gear after wearing it for hours. but it’s more than that, he’s been caring this weight around for years, maybe his whole life, and just like that with a meeting of lips, it’s gone.

he makes his way over to the couch eventually, the one he’d picked out with natalia that still never felt quite right. even it feels different now, less stiff and more inviting. maybe it’s the way he sits in his body now. like a shirt that finally fits you just right.

he wants to call eddie, knows that he needs to call him. to apologize and assure him that he and tommy did nothing wrong, weren’t excluding him or trying to make him feel left out. he knows that and he hopes that eddie knows it to on some level. he doesn’t know what makes him feel worse, the echoing pop of eddie’s ankle that he can still hear reverberating in his memory, or the fact that eddie feels like it’s his fault. so he needs to call him.

but if he calls him now he doesn’t think he can hold what happened tonight inside of him. and he should, right? should keep it tucked inside his chest for a little while at least, until he knows what it means. does he like men now? has he always? or is it just tommy? buck doesn’t like not having the answers and he doesn’t think this is something he can research his way out of.

he knows he doesn’t have to label this feeling, that it doesn’t change anything but buck has always found labels to be useful when identifying himself. he’s been buck 1.0 and buck 2.0. he’s been a probie and then a firefighter. he’s been donor, not dad. and now he’s, bisexual? the word makes something inside his chest peek its head out as if to say, ah, i’ve been waiting for you.

but what if he’s wrong. what if he comes out to eddie or hen or maddie too soon and he doesn’t get to keep this feeling. what if this warmth and lightness isn’t meant to be for him. does he get to take it back? rationally he knows sexuality is fluid but he doesn’t want to get this wrong. doesn’t want to feel like a fraud trying to fit into a community where he doesn’t truly belong.

buck sits there until the early signs of dawn begin to brush past the horizon. he has a shift in a few hours and it’s already going to be a long day with eddie not there but he can’t turn his brain off long enough to even think of sleeping.

part of him is mad at tommy, however unfair that is, for coming over and turning everything upside down. for leaving him with these questions. for making him feel so good with just a simple kiss that he feels like crying. still, he’s glad it happened. he’s excited to see where this takes him even if he can’t make out the steps ahead of him.

so he sits and he breathes. he counts his exhales, let’s each one connect himself back to his body until they all come just a little easier. he falls asleep that way, on his couch with light bleeding through his windows, drowning out the vestiges of darkness until he’s bathed golden in it.

#evan buckley #911 #911 abc #mine #fanfic #character introspection #obligatory post kiss fic

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amyyythestarry · 2 months

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Oblivious hypocrisy?

This post is about supposed hypocrisy within Tsukasa. Theory.

To start off, let’s go over his general beliefs that have been shown throughout the manga since day one.

Tsukasa belives supernatural and humans should be whoever they want to be, they should be together if they desire to. And if that’s enough to end the world, then it’s a done deal.

I find it interesting, out of everything that interesting about Tsukasa, that he thinks people should get whatever they desire. Within reason, authenticity, and if they’re willing to pay the price. With those things, it really doesn’t matter what your wish is, or who you hurt to get it. He’ll forgive everything.

No.1: He wants people to have whatever wish they want, whatever desire they have.

This really plays into his part on Sakura’s team as well, as her assistant. She’s selfish for wanting to wipe out everyone, every living/existing being just so she could go ‘outside’ and be free. But that’s what she wants, and she’s sure she’s truthful about it, that she’s truly happy.

So in Tsukasa’s eyes, that’s ok.

No.2 is: That he believes wishes and desires and wants are endless.

A human, a supernatural, existing beings don’t stop wanting. They’re always going to want something, we are always going to have desires and wishes.

He’s known this ever since he was 4 years old, when he got trapped in the Red House. In the Red House, we can see that Kou got put through many trials of his wants projecting at him. And they didn’t stop until they got to Nene and he refused all of them.

They are even things he didn’t even realized he wanted.

That’s because they’re coming from the heart, where the authenticity lies.

Tsukasa has seen person from person walk into the house wanting their wishes to come true. He knows how this works. A wish for a price, no matter how many wishes there are, they’ll have to be payed for.

But there is no end it, no boundaries to what they can wish and what they can’t. As long as it comes from the heart, maybe even portrays in front of them like with Kou.

So, two clear beliefs. People should have whatever they want, beings don’t stop wishing.

Now let’s see how those two things are shown by Tsukasa himself. Let’s see if he fits his own expectations.

Tsukasa replies with a chapter long explanation on why and how his wish already got granted.

Kou asks Tsukasa what his wish is, why hasn’t his wishes been projected like his has. Tsukasa says he had no other wishes then what he’s already got granted, with the cost of sacrificing himself, and having to stay in the Red House.

He has no other wishes, supposedly. By his own words. He’s saying he’s never wanted anything more, he’s never even thought of anything more.

To Tsukasa, he really just hasn’t thought of anything more, what more could he possibly want.

Being in the Red House for so long, having to see people come to get a wish granted with their prices as well. He’s been busy peering into other people’s wants and desires. Almost noisily, as this has become his new interest, fixation. Wishes, wants, desires. Impulses, and inclinations too.

But he’s so busy with that, he can’t even think to peer into himself. Figure himself out.

You could think this was his only want, but then we see later that that’s incorrect.

Tsukasa says he knew how to get back home, he just didn’t go because he thought it was for the best. He mentions ‘holding back’, which just brings me back to the whole concept of that in TBHK, and Tsukasa’s obvious interest in it.

So I find it wondrous how he’s saying he himself stopped holding back at some point.

Stopped holding himself back from being with the people he loves most, with Amane and his parents. Now just acknowledging that he’s had the desire to go back. And he even invites the Red House Darkness ( Is that what we’re calling it? ) to come with him.

Though, despite him letting go of his swear of not wanting more, this isn’t reaching his expectations at all. This was, for all we now, one occurrence.

Supernaturals and humans should be however they want to be? Has he ever abstained that from himself?

He’s always wanting people like Mitsuba, Shijima, Sakura, Amane to embrace their aspirations, no matter how selfish or fantastical they may be. He’s always pestering about wishes, this and that, to whoever.

But, he’s never once thought about himself, has he? Just once? It seems so, cause currently ( In the chapter 110 ), here he goes again. Trying to make two wishes come true, Sakura and Amane’s both. At the same time.

And something I’ve also noticed about him is that, he may be truthful, but there are times where he isn’t willing to share. I can point out occasions, but I think this is implying more.

He can shy away from things, questions, topics. Involving his own feelings? Like his feelings about thunder?

He can get quiet, wide eyed, looking everywhere else?

Well, that’s ironic, giving he always wants to know the feelings of others.

Amane, grabbing his face, trying to see his expression, because I think to Tsukasa that’s a way to read people. Just through the face they’re making? Hmm..

With Sakura too, like shown in the other imagine above.

Mitsuba as well.

But.. Then he hides his face when it comes to some situations? I wonder.

That exes all of his beliefs/expectations out.

He doesn’t even make it close to meeting them.

Tsukasa’s all too selfless, and with his overbearing appeal to wishes, wants, desires, selfishness, aspirations, etc etc. It clouds his brain from focusing on nothing more than other’s.

And I’m always so confused when people call him selfish. They may be thinking of his twin. Their almost complete opposites, after all.

I feel like this shows a sort of oblivious hypocritical behavior. His behavior contrasts his beliefs and feelings.

I don’t think anyone would have took him for the hypocrite. Even though I don’t think he himself even has a clue.

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aaaamsy · 1 month

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the puppet

Does anyone ever wonder that Scaramouche, a boy created for the sole purpose of holding the heart of a God, keeping that piece of divinity safe and protected, housing the power of Celestia itself and taking the toll that comes with it; and how it got ripped away after he'd worked so hard to chase after it, waited years just for the chance of being able to have it again, taken from him by another God just like how his own creator had. The first time, it was because he wasn't worthy enough. Perhaps too weak, too human, too unlike his mother. And maybe the second time shouldn't be so similar, he'd changed so much after all, sacrificed and went through it all, surely he'd be able to keep it now?

When he falls after being defeated by the traveler and the dendro Archon, he doesn't feel the need to get up. He'd tried to find something else, explore the mortal world and find answers that might've been found outside of his world, try to fit in. But it didn't end well, it never does. He's not one of them after all; wrapped in royal robes and flawless physicality, he was never supposed to be human. He could be compared to one of a God, body wise anyway. An old him would insist that he was truly a God in the making, power and ability equal to those of the divine, an even older him would've said that he didn't want anything to do with Godhood at all. But whatever perspective one might take, they cannot deny the fact that he is not human enough to live as they do, but not accepted as God for he does not have the traits that fit those in the sky. He does not fit anywhere. Nowhere. He is not them and he will never be. The world has hammered that into his porcelain skull far enough. So he turns to the one this he does do good at, something he was made for.

So now, empty and heaving, what is the boy to do when everything consistently calls him not enough. Not strong enough to hold the gnosis, not human enough to truly live their lives, not powerful enough to save who he cares for, not good enough to be useful in any capacity.

So then what's the point? Why was he even made if he cannot even do the simple task that his creator set for him to accomplish? Why didn't his mother simply get rid of him when he no longer served his purpose?

Why is he alive?

Scaramouche is a boy made to be, not to live. So when he's not even able to do that, then what was this even all for?

#scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #wanderer #wanderer genshin #kunikuzushi #genshin impact #genshin scara #character introspection #ramblings #don't mind me #I'm just yapping

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jackshade21 · 11 months

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Relating to Rocket

So this is kind of a personal introspection as to why Rocket Raccoon means so much to me. I recently read a post here that got me thinking exactly why I related so much to a CGI raccoon, I had never really examined it before but seeing someone else post about it and seeing how similar my experiences were it really got me thinking.

I liked Rocket from the first scene he was in. He was a grumpy smart-mouthed misanthropic talking raccoon, what’s not to love? But the moment he began to mean so much more to me was with one line.

My mother was a teenager when she had me. She has told me she wished I hadn't been born and has blamed me for a good deal of her problems including the bad relationship she had with my father and her illness while she was pregnant. So hearing that particular line cemented that I was gonna relate to Rocket in some of the worse ways and I didn't even realize exactly why until last night when I read a post by someone else that made me start thinking.

I grew up as a gay kid in a small hyper religious town and I always felt like I was the only person like me, I didn’t fit in and it was a huge source of shame for me. I can often be a sardonic misanthropic asshole with issues with authority. I’ve been self-centered because it’s hard to trust that anyone else would have my own best interests at heart and have pushed people away when they got too close. After all whose gonna look out for me if not me, right? And I have struggled for a long time with emotional dysregulation and body dsymorphia.

All of that coupled the fact that my problems really started with my parents when I started becoming my own person and not adhering to the idea they had of me and it became pretty obvious why I love this character and why he means so much to me.

But I didn’t post all this looking for sympathy, I too have found my own Guardians and with their help I’ve worked on being a better person. I am finally loved for who I am and that makes me want to try and be better. I just wanted to share how much this cgi raccoon from a comic book movie about lost and broken people has meant so much to me. So thank you James Gunn and thank you Guardians of the Galaxy.

#Rocket Raccoon #rocket gotg #Guardians of the Galaxy #GotG #character introspection #Personal Intropection #long post #ptsd #moving on #healing #I just love him ok?

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the-amber-raven · 1 year

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I love Buddie a lot like it's cool that when Buck was feeling down (because of the embolism, firetruck) Eddie cheered him up by having Chris over so he and Buck could hangout and Chris can comfort Buck

And now in the recent episode it's Eddie himself who cheered up Buck when he was still feeling uncomfortable with his death

I think this is really interesting, because I don't actually think that Buck and Eddie have always been quite as good at understanding what the other needed as they are now.

They've always been decent at it - see Eddie not taking offence at Buck's territorialism and his extending the olive branch in 201 and Buck finding Carla for Eddie and lending a listening ear about his problems with Shannon throughout S2.

But they haven't always been perfect at it.

Like, compare Eddie after the embolism with Eddie after the lightning. Could you imagine 6x12 Eddie barging into Buck's house, tearing the covers off him, and basically telling him to stop feeling sorry for himself?

Yes, having Chris to focus on and hang out with did somewhat work to cheer Buck up. But it didn't fully meet his needs at the time, which is how we get to Buck feeling isolated and misunderstood enough that he triggers the lawsuit.

And its not just Eddie - compare Buck in 3a and 5b. He isn't quite able to provide what Eddie needs in 3a because he doesn't realise how badly Eddie is struggling after Shannon's death and the tsunami; he is fooled by the stoic front that Eddie projects and Eddie falls into a negative spiralling mindset that leads him to think a goddamn fightclub is a good idea.

We see this dynamic start to shift:

Buck, in 3b, sees that Eddie is struggling with Christopher's physical limitations and decides to jump right in and prove to both Eddie and Christopher that it doesn't mean he can't still do what he wants to do. He is beginning to recognise that Eddie needs him to push and offer and prove that he has Eddie's back.

For Eddie, it's 4a, in Buck Begins, when Buck is ranting about his parents and Eddie lets him rant. He creates a safe, non-judgemental space for Buck to vent his thoughts and when he offers his own opinion its quiet, understated, and unequivocally supportive of Buck's emotions.

And then we finally get S5 and S6, where they take that growth and show that they have come to understand precisely what their partner needs from them.

In 5b, Buck keeps on telling Eddie that he is there for him, to let him in, even though Eddie keeps rebuffing and insisting he is fine. When he breaks down, Buck breaks the door down and shows Eddie that he is not alone.

And when he sees that Eddie is still struggling and searching for meaning, he tries to find that meaning for him (Charlie at the equine therapy centre, proving his hurt was not for no reason.)

In 6b, Eddie creates a safe space for Buck to process his feelings and talk about them. He waits for Buck to come to him and he waits to ask questions when Buck is ready for them and he takes the opportunity to make sure that Buck knows that he is not alone.

And when he sees that Buck is finally finding something positive again, he finds a way to allow Buck to revel in it and run with it and just tries to feed that joy (organising the poker night so that Buck can flex his math powers).

So yes, that was a long-winded way of saying I think that Buck and Eddie are exactly what each other needs - but only parts of it were natural and from the beginning; they also had to work at it. Which I personally think is testament to the strength of their regard and care for each other.

#911 #YES ITS ANOTHER LONG ONE #im incapable of being succinct clearly #buddie #character introspection #we love character growth and 911 does it so well #q&a

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the-greek-mythos-project · 8 days

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The Greek Mythos Project

Hello everybody, my name is Camila and I am the creator of The Greek Mythos Project. My pronouns are They/Them and I can otherwise be found on Tumblr as @ixhkor-and-ambrosxa. Any and all questions can either be directed here or there and I'd be happy to help any of you :).

So... What Is This Project And Blog About? Well, it's about The Greek Mythos Project. The Greek Mythos Project is a new thing I've created here on Tumblr in order to showcase smaller artists waiting to get out there, feel like their audience is too niche, and to ultimately learn more about Greek Mythology. It originally stemmed from a smaller, more personal project where I intended to 'rewrite' all of mythology in order to learn more about it and to generally get back into writing, but as I thought more about the specifics, I realized how time consuming and burnt-out I would be. That thought lead to another and another... and then I was like: what if I release this idea into the world and allow others to participate in it? Then I'd still be able to learn more about all of it, but I could also meet new writers and see more writing styles. So, here we are, with a blog & all.

What Is The Project's Main Goal? The ultimate main goal of this project is to showcase others' work. I myself--as a writer of lesser-known characters--know how hard it is to get that niche audience or even gain the courage to let loose those 'weird' headcanons so I wanted to provide an easy way to get that. I want to know those niche writers and characters and 'weird' headcanons--one of my general hyperfixations is worldbuilding! So, even if nobody else wants to read it, I want to. I want to know, I want to learn, and I want to be. So, the ultimate goal is getting out there, but there are some lesser and more personal goals such as networking, learning to work with wider and more diverse audiences (knowledge, headcanons, and otherwise), and having something bigger than myself to work on so I don't end up spiraling. It lets me know, as someone who struggles with mental health, that there's always going to be something to fall back on, such as this project :).

What Is This Project Exactly? The Greek Mythos Project will hopefully be a long AO3/Wattpad fic made up of the POVs and Stories of various characters in Greek Mythology. The end project will hopefully be arranged in chronological order and include as many stories and versions of the stories as they can. The possibilities and submissions can be endless but the only restriction this project asks for is that it keeps to one POV only. I ask this because this is the vision I am hoping to pursue but there will be a companion-fic set that you can submit to if you want a Multiple POV submission. Each chapter that we post will include your socials, how to find you, how to find your other works, the submission-fic notes, personal notes on the fic, and anything else you or we decide is best to put. Of course, you can opt out of any and all of this and I can just put anonymous <3. This project is essentially a mass Character Study/Introspection, if you'd like it in more simple and fandom-based terms :).

What Are The Project's Requirements? Other than having only one POV... there aren't really any. Of course, there's a level of trust and respect required on both sides once we all start working with each other, but that's just the basics. The word count can be anything, Spicy & More Graphic scenes can be taken once we have a coordinator for that and/or get further into it, and hopefully we'll have editors and beta-ers if you, as a writer, want or require them. If anything, I can help edit and work with you. This is a pretty formless job; it can be writing, it can be art, it can be mood boards, it can be collabs. As long as everything's communicated effectively, nothing should be a problem.

How Do I Submit? Currently, the best way to submit things is through the Ask Box on this page. I'll also be opening up the submissions tab/thing but I have zero experience on my part with it so the safest bet's through the ask box. Same thing with private posts, they don't always work so, when in doubt, go to the ask box :). Feel free, whenever you submit via the ask box, to put a little line at the bottom or top with your information, any notes, etc for me to put in when I eventually post this. Also, please check in on this blog every once in a while in case we need to ask to clarify something <3.

Can I Participate Even Without Socials? Yes, you absolutely can! Our ask box will always have an anonymous option and even if you have something or another and just want this to be separate, feel free to tell us you want to be anonymous! I and those who I may be working with will completely get and respect your privacy! /pos /gen

What Is The Project's Deadline? As of now, there isn't one. This project is supposed to be long term, which means it should still be going five or so years from now (depending on how the world's going at that time, at least) and so there is no deadline going on for the submissions-end. On my end, I plan to start picking it up and publishing around Late-August or July because I hope by that point, we'll have some submissions or at least be working a lot more on this as it picks up and also I know this month is really stressful for a lot of people with final projects, exams, etc and getting ready for Summer so hopefully that'll be a decent amount of time to really get things going.

Can I Help Out? Yes, you absolutely may! I'd love some editors to help back me up on things, beta-ers, Spicy-Scene coordinators (because that's just not my editing cup of tea) and other people that's going to be crucial to bringing this to light. Again, this project is based on community and I love people so feel free to reach out so we can work together to see what's the right fit, aka schedules, genres, etc! I might even create a discord server if we get large enough!

Any Other Comments? Feel free to ask questions. This and my main account are always free to pop in if you'd like, just know that it might take me a while to get back to you... it's a bad habit :(. Also, fandom-based characters and chapters are completely on the table! I personally find it much easier to write in a fandom-based setting so if that's your jam, feel free and make sure to tell us where you're comin' from so we showcase it! At some point, too, I'd love to make a little 'spreadsheet' thing on here to show who's working on who to maybe get people out of their shell or introduce others or maybe even collab on stuff!

Anyway, I think that should all be it :). Feel free to ask questions, interact with us, or even share the #The Greek Mythos Project on other platforms if you'd like or with friends! Also keep up with us on the same tag for updates, questions, or even maybe prompts/challenges if ya'll would like :). See you at some point and have fun!

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bibuck-saved-me · 18 days

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#wanted to share this here too #because. evan buckley brain rot #911 #911 abc #911 on abc #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #buddie #character introspection #character study #911 spoilers #911 7x04

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hannigramislife · 11 months

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why do you think jgy is so despicable compared to other characters?

Thanks for asking in such a polite way. I appreciate it!

Now, I just finished reading the second book yesterday, so I'm a little shook from what was happening. I know we can list Jin Guangyao's crimes in order – A-Su's death, Nie Mingjue's death, his own son's death, the cultivators he killed, Jin Zixuan, Jin Guangshian, and that's just the murders – but the cause of my negative feelings towards goes deeper than that.

My main issues with Jin Guangyao as I was reading started because of one thing and one thing only: man terrified me. Man is absolutely fucking terrifying, because he has no boundaries, no limits, no attachments, no love, no nothing. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his goals, for his ambitions. Which, in itself, is admirable, and he goes about it in a very smart way.

But reading the books had a chill running down my spine every time he justified his actions and worded things in such a way that seemed to absolve him of all guilt and make it seem like he was trying his best to do the good thing—

He was not. Everyone and everything was a pawn to him. He had a way with words that sucks you right in, that makes you feel empathetic towards him, that makes you feel for him, but it's not real.

It. Is. Not. Real.

So I could write an essay about how repulsive his murders are, or how nauseating his actions towards his wife and son are, or how sick his manipulation of Lan Xichen is, but if I had to pick a specific reason my admiration of his abilities turned to hatred, and I might even be a little biased, but it would most definitely be Nie Mingjue.

Nie Mingjue, who rose to defend him when he was nothing. Nie Mingjue, acknowledged his abilities and praised his character. Nie Mingjue, who let him go with a fucking letter of recommendation when he heard that Meng Yao still harbored a dream of being accepted by the Jin.

Nie Mingjue was not a perfect, flawless man. However, he saw through Jin Guangyao's schemes, and yet no one believed his doubts (looking at poor Lan Xichen). He was pushed to the brink of insanity, and it was so hard to read, because every time he would bring up JGY's actions, he had Jin Guangyao excuse them on one hand, then Lan Xichen defending him on another.

And Jin Guangyao pretended to help, to be the good guy, the patient loving friend, even as he was slowly killing Nie Mingjue. And he did. And if that weren't enough, he dismembered him, and scattered the pieces like they were nothing.

I don't know if people picked up on this while reading, seeing as he is defended by many, but Jin Guangyao was cruel. He was a cruel, unfeeling, narcissistic man, who can't be taken at his word, ever.

This might not be a very coherent post, and I could probably write a better introspection on hi character (with citations, istg), but I would just like to finish it by saying this: I am aware of this man's upbringing and difficulties in life. I am aware he was discriminated against for faults that were not his own. I am aware he was disadvantaged in a society were political ties are everything.

I am not blind to the writing of his character. I simply do not find it valid to defend a man so ruthless, just because his life was not fair.

Was it fair for Wei Wuxian to be blamed for things he never did? Was it fair for Jin Ling to grow up an orphan? Was it fair for Nie Mingjue to qi-deviate? Was it fair for Lan Xichen to go into seclusion because he couldn't mentally deal with what Jin Guangyao did?

Fairness is not an excuse.

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #character introspection #nie mingjue #lan xichen #jin zixuan #nie huaisang #jin ling #wei wuxian #cql p #cql

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brightstarbutalsoidot · 1 year

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of liars, sinners, love, and the day after tomorrow

What Aqua Hoshino used to know of love can be found in long strands of violet hair and eyes that hold the universe itself. An unfalteringly bubbly voice, a smile to charm the heavens, and a hug that told Aqua more than words just to what extent Ai Hoshino’s capacity to love could reach. Whenever she looked at him and his sister, she looked as if they were brought from paradise itself, and whenever she spoke to them, her words popped with fond softness and parental pride, and Aqua thought to himself that Ai Hoshino was an angel called from above to grace this world with her laughter and her smile and her songs and her love and her lies. Ai Hoshino, above all else, was a liar. She lied to her fans, she lied to her fellow idols, she lied to her company, and even to herself. Ai Hoshino did love. Ai loved so much, was loved so much, and that was not a lie. For all Ai says about lies being her way of expressing love, her love was completely devoid of it. True warmth, like gentle hands caressing your cheek, like a wry smile or a look of pure bliss directed at you, Ai Hoshino loved her children more than the world loved Ai of B-Komachi.

Aqua Hoshino has not known love since lifeless eyes that used to outshine even the galaxy itself stared unblinkingly at him. Tears flowed down his cheeks, or maybe it was her blood ( there was so much blood, so so so much, Ai, please please don’t go please ). It didn’t matter. Ai Hoshino died holding onto what she loved, free from the burden of her lies, free from the burden of this godforsaken industry, and her lies became her truth. Ai Hoshino loved her children, and that definitely was not a lie.

What Aqua Hoshino knows of love now is found in scarlet hair, scarlet eyes, and a smooth, melodic voice that did not hesitate to singlehandedly shove Aqua out of his walls, effortlessly tearing them down with an ease that terrified him. There’s something in the way that Kana Arima stares at him so sincerely and so warmly at times that shakes him. He doesn’t deserve it. Why? He doesn’t deserve love, not when so much hate pools in his gut and thrives in his veins, not when friends are just assets and connections, not when everything and everyone would all be just means to his end, someone like him shouldn’t be loved. This Aqua Hoshino who is so strong, who is so reliable, who is so helpful, who is so sincerely loved by Kana Arima, Aqua wished to meet him one day, because that person could never be him.

The Hoshino family is cursed to lie for love, and Aqua has never resented that fact before. Why start now? Lies are all he is, layer upon layer upon layer of unlovable and miserable hatred piled on top of each other like an amalgamation of sin and filth, yes, this is who Aqua Hoshino is. A liar who only knows how to act, how to manipulate, and nothing else. For all good that his knowledge as a doctor did for him, for it didn’t matter in the times he needed it most. Even if he was 4, even if his hands were pudgy and tiny and could barely grasp his mother’s hand, even if he had none of his equipment, there should have been something, anything he could have done for Ai.

What Aqua Hoshino knows of love now is found in azure strands of hair and eyes that pierce through him again and again, eyes that stare at him with complete faith and devotion that he does not deserve but will use anyway. Aqua didn’t mean to care for Akane Kurokawa, but the queen on his chessboard is not someone he will ever force to suffer for his sake. He’s caused enough pain in both lifetimes, as a doctor who couldn’t be there for his patient, and as a son who couldn’t save his mother, he’s done enough. Better for her to be discarded than die, he tells himself, better for her to be out of my life than be someone I attend another funeral for, he tells himself. Akane Kurokawa is a sinner, and for the sake of Aqua Hoshino, she will have gladly bloodied her hands if it meant his freedom from the chains of his vengeance. The lie becomes the truth, if told often enough, if told well enough. Akane was Aqua’s first girlfriend, and maybe in a better world, a kinder time, Aqua would hold her hand and introduce her with a smile to Ai, and tell his mother that “This one, this is who I have fallen for,” but that is a lie. Aqua Hoshino does not love, not anymore, but he can’t find it in himself to stop caring. Their relationship is strange. Lovers but not quite, partners who don’t trust the other, sinners cut from the same cloth who would burn the heavens all the way to the earth if it would protect the other. Maybe that was love, even twisted and skewed and wrong and sinful, maybe Akane Kurokawa and Aqua Hoshino had love, and for a time, maybe it hadn’t been a lie.

What Aqua Hoshino knows of love is lies. Beautiful lies, expressive lies, secretive lies, sinful lies, protective lies, truthful lies. Aqua Hoshino is a liar, clear as day, and he lies to his idol, he lies to his girlfriend, he lied to his mother, and he lies to his sister. Ruby Hoshino grew up in a world without Ai for over a decade, with only the warmth of Miyako-san and the cold love that Aqua showed her, a love written in a tapestry of lies too entangled to unravel with a single conversation. Even if he would never know, Aqua loved her then as Gorou Amamiya and Sarina Tendoji, albeit wasn’t in the way she wanted, and Aqua loves her now as his sister, as Aqua Hoshino and Ruby Hoshino, the Twin Stars of Japan.

Aqua Hoshino is a liar, and Ruby Hoshino is the only one who truly gives him what he deserves. He can’t help but love his sister for that even more. She hates him, truly and utterly despises him for what he’s done, for what he’s told and for what their lives have become, for disgracing Ai and for telling the world what should have stayed locked in a box and buried next to the coffin of their mother. Good, Hate me, despise me, for I am someone not worth loving. When all is said and done, Ruby will still hate him, and maybe that brings a pain that blooms in his chest that he can’t fully explain, a pain of needles stabbing at his throat and drying his voice, a pain borne from the thought that his sister of flesh and blood and someone who shared the burden of their mother’s legacy and the grief that came with it, being hated by someone like that hurt Aqua in ways he would never be comfortable with speaking or thinking of. Let Ruby hate him, let her spite him, let her gaze of happiness and warmth that now yielded a calculating gleam that Aqua saw in every mirror that taunted him pierce through him and rip this body to shreds. Ruby Hoshino utterly hates Aqua Hoshino for what he has done, and this definitely is not a lie.

When all is said and done and Aqua is gone, he is at least glad that Ruby won’t mourn for his sake. She’s had enough grief for a lifetime. At least hated as he is, Aqua won’t make Ruby suffer even more when he’s finally gone for good. It’s better this way.

What Gorou Amamiya knew of love is in white, sterile rooms with bleak windows and a girl who would not live longer than twelve speaking to him of an idol group she loves so, so dearly, and it is a happy memory.

If you tell a lie long enough, well enough, it will become the truth. Aqua Hoshino is someone not worth loving and Gorou Amamiya is someone not worth remembering, but maybe one day they both will. Maybe one day Aqua will go there and see flowers on his grave and know that someone loved him even then, that someone remembered who this man was, that someone cared . Maybe one day Aqua will look beside himself and see himself surrounded with people he loves and people who love him as he is, and maybe he will smile. Maybe one day, the lies will finally become the truth.

That day is not today, neither will it be tomorrow, but maybe, just maybe, it would be the day after that. As tomorrow bleeds into yesterday, maybe then will Aqua Hoshino finally, truly love again, free of the lies that glimmer like stars and unburdened by the weight of the heavens. That day may not be today, but it will arrive all the same.

#Oshi no ko #Gorou Amamiya #Aqua Hoshino #Kana Arima #Hoshino Ruby #Ai Hoshino #Akane Kurokawa #character introspection #a lil bit of #character study #this series has me on a chokehold #bittersweet #drabble

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linkcities · 11 months

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tokyo, 2008 | ieiri shoko

Shoko looks for something to say. She doesn’t find anything. So she cups the half-empty pack of cigarettes in her pocket, and then she turns her head to watch Gojo again. His eyes are closed, maybe. She can’t see it very well because of his sunglasses. His shoulders are slouched and his legs are crossed.

Shoko hums. “Summer’s almost here.”

—

characters | ieiri shoko, gojo satoru.

tags | drabble, canon compliant, mini-character introspection/study, platonic satoshoko, sashisu.

word count | 770 words.

ao3 link

—

There’s a dissonant sound coming from the radio in front of them. Ieiri Shoko flicks the butt of her cigarette towards the grass, past the door of their classroom. Beside her, Gojo Satoru waves off the heat of the sun with a paper fan.

Through the static, she registers the radio host’s words quietly inside her own head. Drive down to the beach with your friends this summer! Promo for the villa runs exclusively only until August!

Shoko looks for something to say. She doesn’t find anything. So she cups the half-empty pack of cigarettes in her pocket, and then she turns her head to watch Gojo again. His eyes are closed, maybe. She can’t see it very well because of his sunglasses. His shoulders are slouched and his legs are crossed.

Shoko hums. “Summer’s almost here.”

At the sound of her voice, she startles herself. It’s been a while. He doesn’t seem to be phased by it; not really. He continues to fan himself, eyes still covertly hidden, though she knows they’re still probably closed. She knows they ache, sometimes.

After a few seconds, her companion clears his throat. “Yeah.” He says, relaxing both of his legs until the soles of his feet laid flatly on the wooden floor. “You want to go?”

The beach. Shoko looks up towards the sun, sweat trickling below her chin. Spring is almost over. She wonders if it’ll end a bit earlier this year. She wonders if she wants it to end a bit earlier this year.

“Maybe.” A meek shrug, and she’s back to cupping the cigarettes in her pockets, now tugging them out. She sees Satoru scrunch his nose beside her. “We’re graduating soon.”

The both of them stay still for a while. The silence is meandering. On the other side of Gojo, there’s a cold, empty chair. Untouched and unmoved.

She retrieves her lighter, but she lets it sit idle on her palm for a while. She’ll smoke somewhere else. “Yeah.” He says, again. Shaking his head lightly. “You’re right. Next week. We’ll get the stupid certificates next week.”

Shoko smiles a little after that. Satoru turns his body towards her, stealing the lighter from her grasp. She doesn’t mind. She has an extra one in her room.

“You have any savings?” He asks her, eyes open and cheeks upturned, his hands fiddling with her lighter. It’s a formality, she thinks. “We can rent a car. You can drive, right?”

Inside her own head, Shoko imagines the cost of the car and the food and the lodgings; it’ll be cheaper if it’s a day trip, if they return by evening. It’s only going to be the two of them. There’s no one else to string along. Nanami was out on a mission, three cities over. Iori was in Kyoto with Mei. It’s only going to be the two of them.

Inside her own head, Shoko imagines a gray Corolla 1995 with a bobble head above the glove compartment. There’d be rust growing around the dashboard, because they can’t afford to rent a better car, not really. Satoru always has money to waste, but she was better than that. She imagines torn up seats and a dusty rear view mirror, with the hinges of the side mirrors squeaking each time she adjusted them for her benefit. Shoko imagines enough chips in the trunk and many bottles of water. Two blankets, two towels, two umbrellas, a few books. Extra clothes, an ice box, their old flip flops. There are a lot of details to work out, still, and she thinks they could probably figure it out.

“I can drive.” She nods, carefully. It feels difficult. What does? She doesn’t have an answer for that. Not yet. “Yeah. I can drive us there. Don’t worry about it.”

Shoko imagines the sun bouncing off the windshield and an empty passenger seat beside her, this time. Satoru would be napping in the back, taking up all the space, as he’s always done. The air conditioner’s going to be cool enough for the two of them now and the radio’s going to echo out grating instrumentals of a song they’ll forget after the trip and things will be okay.

When he gives her lighter back to her, she finally stands up from her place beside him. Her stare lingers on the empty chair on the other side of Satoru. There’s something missing, she thinks. She knows what it is.

She looks for something to say, but her mind is blank.

Shoko offers Satoru a final pat on the shoulder before walking away. As she's always done.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk drabble #jjk one shot #jjk shoko #jjk ieiri shoko #ieiri shoko #shoko #jjk gojo #platonic satoshoko #sashisu #character introspection #✧ | juno writes!#if gege doesnt want to write shoko properly then i'll do it myself

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vldsideblog · 1 year

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Ok so since I posted the Desert Days fic I can now share my favorite excerpt

Warnings for‼️mentions of foster care and abuse, death, fire, general angst‼️

Keith was angry.

He’d spent his whole life angry.

Angry at his mother for ditching him and his dad. Angry at the kids at school who shunned and called him names. Angry at the teachers who told him to calm down when he was upset, pushing him aside in favor of his cheerful classmates.

He was angry at his pop for leaving him that night, knowing full well that Keith needed him. Angry at his dad’s coworkers who found him alone and scared, with smoke and the scent of burnt flesh still lingering on their clothing. Angry at his relatives for signing him away to a flawed government system without a second thought.

Angry at his social worker for never believing him when he tried to explain the bruises on his face. Angry that she just said he’d gotten them in fights, knowing full well he hadn’t, but it meant less work for her. The anger had boiled over, he figured that if he was going to be labeled a problem child anyway, why not defend himself. Become a problem.

Every insult and barb thrown his way sent him into a fury. He lashed out, kicking and punching, teeth gnashing in a way that sent everyone screaming. Eventually most people learned to leave him alone. He was angry at how they called him a monster, a demon with evil in his eyes. Angry at the people who kicked him down when he couldn’t fight back. The people that tossed him to the curb like a broken machine.

That’s what he was after all. Broken.

An angry, delinquent that had no future, a teenager who was destined to die young and alone. A child who would most likely end up a statistic.

And he was angry.

The Galaxy Garrison was better, it had Shiro and Adam and Matt. People he could call friends. But the anger still sat in his stomach, waiting to strike. And it always did eventually. When Griffin brought up his parents, when the older kids tried stealing his food like back at the group home, when Iverson berated him for the smallest of things. The anger was definitely still there, but it was manageable.

Then everything exploded all at once.

The Kerberos mission was presumed dead. Pilot error. Adam wouldn’t leave the house, locked away and falling to pieces. The Holt family was in shambles, mourning the loss of their loved ones. They had all tried to talk to Keith, but the roaring in his ears was too much.

He had marched himself into Iversons office and demanded answers. Shiro was the best pilot of his generation, he would never make a mistake. Iverson told him to leave, and every fiber of his being retaliated.

The voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Shiro was overwhelmed by the crackling flames that engulfed his senses.

Keith lunged at his commanding officer, putting all his pain, anger, and loss into the punch heading directly for the man’s eye.

Even as he was told to pack his things, that his social worker was on her way. He felt a hint of vindication knowing that Iversons eye would never be the same. A reminder of the child he failed.

But the anger was still waiting just beneath his skin, ready to strike at any moment. He could feel it just behind his eyes as he fled. Aiming for the desert where no one would find him. He couldn’t be labeled a statistic if they didn’t find him.

Keith was angry, standing alone in the back of a gas station. The family in line ahead of him was full of joyous laughter and smiling faces. Kids holding close their drinks of choice and parents looking at them like they were the lights of their lives. Keith left without buying anything. Stomping outside with tears forming in his eyes. It didn’t matter, the wind would dry them away eventually.

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