#changed even while my mental health is still shit it’s just crazy to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wintersoldiersoul · 7 months

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Push Through

Summary: Your ADHD makes it difficult for you to focus like normal. When you spiral, Bucky helps you calm down.

A/N: Things about this may seem crazy and unrealistic but as someone with ADHD I can confirm that I have had this exact experience. (Minus the sexy supersolider to help me unfortunately) TW: Mental health, lack of sleep and eating, ADHD, burnout

The room was an absolute disaster. Clothes all over the floor, endless cups of coffee, water, and tea taking up space on the desk, and there you were at the center of it. Sitting on your floor with your laptop, typing away furiously. Being in college and an avenger was already extremely difficult and it was even harder while struggling with ADHD.

You had gotten home from a three day mission yesterday, so stressed about the first draft of your thesis paper that was due in two days that you didn’t even shower or change before taking your medication and getting to work. A half-eaten sandwich sat beside you but you didn’t even feel hungry. Your meds suppressed your appetite and had you focused on one thing and one thing only: your homework.

Bucky was away from the tower on his own mission and while you couldn’t wait for him to get home safely, you could hardly even think about it in your current frenzy. You hadn't slept since getting home, taking another pill every time you felt the last one wear off. When your medication started to subside, it made you feel horrible. Jittery, but also depressed and just generally like life had no meaning. It was an awful feeling, especially when you knew it was caused by medication that you needed for your brain to function normally.

The bedroom door creaked open but you didn’t even hear it. You didn’t look up from the words you were typing as your boyfriend’s body filled the frame. You usually greeted him by running into his arms but this time, it was like you didn’t even know he was there. And you practically didn’t. The quiet voice of your subconscious whispered to you to go greet him, but the dominant hyper-focus muted that thought into silence.

“Hellooo,” Bucky called playfully, whistling to you to try to get your attention. You still didn’t look up, grabbing the can of Redbull beside you and taking a sip. “Y/N!” He said, loudly.

You shook your head and finally tore your eyes away from the screen. “Oh my god, hi! You’re home! How was the mission? Are you hurt? Did it go well? Any scratches?” You rapidly fired questions at him, the combination of your medication, caffeine and lack of sleep causing you to be in a manic-like state.

Bucky knew about your struggles with ADHD. He knew how hard it was for you to function everyday like everyone else. He saw as you read a passage of your schoolwork over and over and over again because the words just turned to mush on the page. He had listened to you cry at your frustrations over why school was so hard and how you had to put so much brain power and effort into every little task. He knew how you hated the crash of your medication but you needed them to survive, a constant struggle that you had to pick every morning. Did you wanna be able to focus today and not be able to get out of bed after 4pm, or did you wanna be happy but not be able to do a single productive thing?

“Woah, there, take a breath,” he laughed. His eyes scanned the room, looking at the mess surrounding your frame. And he noticed that you were still in your uniform. “Hey, I thought you got home yesterday. Why are you still in your uniform?”

You looked down at yourself, realizing that you had in fact not changed. “Oh, shit. I sat down to do my homework as soon as I got home and-” you stopped abruptly. “Wait, did you say yesterday?”

He looked at you, confusion clouding his expression. “Yeah. It’s Sunday, babe.”

“No, no, that’s impossible. I just got home I’ve only been working for…” you clicked your phone, displaying the date and time. “26 hours…”

“What did you just say? You’ve been working for 26 hours? Babe, have you eaten? Slept? Have you even gone to the bathroom? How did you not know it had been that long?” He was extremely concerned for you. He had seen you manically power through assignments before, but nothing like this.

“I…uh,” you ran your fingers through your hair, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that you had been working for so long. “Sandwich,” you pointed to the plate on the ground.

Bucky walked over to the plate and stared at the barely eaten food. “Babe you had like, one bite of this. Is it your meds?”

You nodded. He knew that you often didn’t do simple things to take care of yourself when you took your meds. You would be so focused on the task at hand that you would usually set reminders every hour on your phone, telling you to take care of your basic human needs like eating or going to the bathroom. But you had been in such a frenzy after the mission that you didn’t do it this time.

“Honey, you look exhausted,” he smiled at you sadly.

You shook your head. “Don’t feel tired. I need to keep working. I’ll go in the living room if you wanna unwind.” You grabbed your computer off the floor and started to walk out the doorway but were stopped by a large hand on your shoulder.

“No,” he grabbed your laptop and shut it, holding it over his head.

“Give it back, Bucky!” You began to jump, trying to reach the laptop. Bucky was considerably taller than you, meaning that it was a lost cause for you to try to get your computer from his grasp. He couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable you were, despite his extreme concern for your condition.

“Can’t do that, baby.” He placed the computer on the highest shelf in the room.

“Bucky, I need to keep going. My draft is due tomorrow!”

“And you’ve been working your ass off on it for the past 3 months. And the past 24 hours, alone. Your brain must be fried, baby, especially right after a mission.” He looked at you, eyes pleading for you to just take a break. Even if you felt fine from the extreme amount of medication and caffeine in your system, you were gonna crash soon. “How much medication did you take?”

You thought back to how many times you felt it wear off and opened the bottle. Technically, you could take it every 4-6 hours. You weren’t being that reckless by using it so much, but of course you knew deep down that it wasn’t great to use it so much so frequently. “Uh… 5?” You admitted quietly.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. “5 times? You've practically been hopped up on Concerta for an entire day straight?”

You didn’t know if the most recent dose was wearing off or if the pull away from the computer was causing it, but you could feel yourself crashing. Exhaustion tugged at your eyes and it fully hit you what you had been doing to yourself. You hated that this was how you were. People never understood how frustrating and debilitating ADHD truly was. There was no real “normal”. The medication made it easier for you to do work, but then you ended up like this. Your eyes filled with angry tears at yourself. “I hate this, Bucky! I hate this so much. I just wanna be able to function and do homework like normal!”

“Oh baby…” he pulled you into a hug. “I know it’s hard for you. I know I won’t ever truly understand how your brain works and what it feels like for you but I know you struggle. But you don’t just struggle, you fight, okay? You’re so smart, you’re the smartest person I know. The things you say, the way your mind works… god, I’m just so amazed by you, honey.”

“I hate the way my mind works!” You cried into him.

“I know baby, I know,” he stroked your hair as you cried, just wanting to bring you comfort. “But you don’t let it stop you. You don’t let your ADHD prevent you from doing and learning all of the things that you want to. You could have given up so many times but you didn’t. And that’s what counts, okay?”

You took a deep breath, calming yourself. You were so tired. And hungry.

“I tell you what, baby. Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll cook us some food. Then you can pick out any sweatshirt of mine that you like and we’ll relax and get some rest.”

His plan sounded so appealing but you still had work to do. “But Bucky, I-”

“Shh. No more working tonight. You still have all day tomorrow to finish up. And it’s only a draft, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t you think taking a look with fresh eyes tomorrow will be good for you?”

“I-” you opened your mouth to argue, but he was right. “Okay,” you sighed. “You’re right.”

He kissed the top of your head. “Oh yeah. Go shower, babe. And wash your hair. Please,” he teased.

“I hate you,” you laughed as you made your way into the bathroom.

You look at a long shower, letting the hot water cleanse both your mind and body. When you walked back out into the living room, in Bucky’s sweatshirt, of course, your favorite meal was sitting on the table. “Oh baby, you didn’t have to do this! You could have just put in a frozen pizza or something.”

Bucky smiled at you. “Hey, I wanted you to have your favorite. Plus I need to make sure you eat enough to nourish yourself after being up for so long.”

After you ate and Bucky also showered, you got into bed. Your eyes were so heavy and you couldn’t even think about the paper anymore, just wanting the soft blanket of sleep to take over.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you whispered as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Always, my love. I’ll help you work more tomorrow, okay? And I’ll make you a deal. Every page you finish, I’ll make you cum,” he whispered seductively.

Within seconds, you were out cold, resting up for the long day of writing and other things that tomorrow had in store.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #bucky barnes imagine #marvel imagine #bucky x y/n #sebastian stan imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes comfort

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freehideoutpuppy · 1 month

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Ok so I've briefly touched on this, and I've done some reblogging of some other people's posts about it but I've decided it's time I add my own thoughts on Midoriya using Deku as his hero name.

Personally, I think it's one of Horikoshi's biggest failures in the early part of the series. We get glimpses of Midoriya's mental health being shit throughout the series, and the name Deku and his mistreatment by his peers and even his teachers pre OFA is pretty damn bad.

So, while I do understand what Horikoshi was going for with having Midoriya claim the name Deku as something different, it still feels wrong. Especially when adding in the context of how Uraraka just bulldozed over it being an insult that his freaking bully called him to be awful. And maybe if Bakugo had actually gotten REAL consequences for his actions or moved to 1-B or something, I wouldn't have as big an issue with it. But damn Bakugo has treated Midoriya like crap in every flash back we see. And has been a constant negative presence in Midoriya's life the entire time. And that, along with Bakugo being the one to give him that awful nickname in the first place, drives me crazy. Horikoshi has had so many missed opportunities and made a lot of choices with character development that leave me scratching my head in confusion. And about 90% of those decisions have something to do with Bakugo.

But I'm getting off topic a bit. During the war arc we really see Midoriya spiral and a big part of me actually enjoyed it in some ways because it was the first time we really get to see Midoriya behave in the way that's indicative of how he and heroes have treated by society as a whole. He believes wholeheartedly that he needs to hunt down AFO and Shigaraki alone because that's how All Might has been presented, and he has to live up to that pressure. He fully believes that his life is worthless and that he's only useful if he's doing everything he can to protect others even at the cost of himself. Which all comes back to Deku. I fully believe that Midoriya still feels like as a person he's worthless, and that's why he really chose Deku. Maybe he hoped that he could change the meaning of it now that he has OFA, but I think deep down he believes otherwise. We've seen that throughout the manga and anime. He consistently broke himself when he realized someone more powerful than him or who had a quirk from childhood was in danger. At the USJ, when he tried to attack Shigaraki, who was trying to dust Tsu. When he attacked the Zero pointer during the entrance exam so it wouldn't crush Uraraka. When he launched himself at Shigaraki to protect All Might. When he and Todoroki fought in the sports festival and he irreparably damaged his hand. There are so many instances of this kid letting himself be hurt by others to protect someone else, and he has zero regard for his own life. It's pretty heartbreaking, honestly. It's a big contributor to why I stopped reading the manga at this point. Well, that and Bakugo's deus ex machina, but well, it's bakugo, and I hate him, so that shouldn't surprise anyone who has seen my rants or knows me irl.

But yeah, I both loathe and understand why Midoriya went with Deku as his hero name. That doesn't mean I agree with the decision, but I understand it.

#anti bakugo katsuki #boku no hero academia #midoriya deserves better #Midoriya making Deku his hero name was awful #reffering to Midoriya as Deku gives me hives #get midoriya a better hero name ffs #justice for midoriya #horikoshi critical #horikoshi cant write redemption arcs to save his life #Bakugo Katsuki shouldve stayed dead fight me #Bakugo Katsuki is the worst #Bakugo is a bad plot device that should've either been made a villain or stopped being relevant after Kamino

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 8 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 20

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC Smut & Language- Minors DNI New as of 9/11/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."

My entire morning was dragging after finding out about the TMZ article and Instagram post. I could feel the staff's eyes on me and hear the whispers. Everyone knew about it. Once I had a minute to myself, I sent Dieter a text about everything. That was two hours ago, and he still hadn’t answered. I had a feeling he was dealing with a shit storm of epic proportions. The longer I went without hearing from him, the more anxious I felt.

As my final meeting was coming to an end, I saw a notification pop up on my phone. Normally I wouldn’t check my phone during a meeting, but I needed to hear from him.

DIETER: Sorry it took me so long to respond. This morning has been crazy. You want to come over to my house when you leave work? I’m meeting with my manager and publicist.

ME: Yeah, I’ll come straight there.

DIETER: Just a head’s up... TMZ is about to post an update. They have info on you. They are refusing to keep it under wraps. We tried everything. I’m sorry.

I sighed heavily and let out a quiet “fuck” under my breath. Everyone sitting near me looked in my direction. Aubrey had heard it too, but she continued speaking as she gave me a concerned look. I opened the browser on my phone and hit refresh on the article. There were multiple updates posted since earlier this morning. Several ‘sources’ had indicated that Dieter was under the influence of some unknown substance during the confrontation, which they said was related to concerns over his current relationship. They had also added a screen shot of this morning's Instagram post. Another ‘source’ raised concerns about his current mental health status due to his unusual behavior the last few months.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose where a deep throb was forming. This was so ridiculous and blown out of proportion. Who were they even talking with to get this information? I hit refresh again. Sure enough, there was a new update. They had my picture from the company website along with all sorts of details about me, including where I worked. I exhaled slowly as I leaned back in my seat. Aubrey was just wrapping up the meeting. While everyone filed out of the conference room, she and Kerrie walked over noticing that I was upset. When they asked what was going on, I didn’t say anything. I unlocked my phone and handed it to Aubrey.

Aubrey’s eyes grew wide as she handed the phone to Kerrie.

“Wow. That didn’t take long, huh?”

“Where are they getting this information? It’s not even accurate.”

“There is no telling,” Kerrie said as she returned my phone.

“I should probably go before the paparazzi show up here.”

I quickly walked back to my office to gather my things, then headed out the back door toward my car. I noticed there were already a couple of people across the street milling around with cameras. I kept my head down, walking in the opposite direction toward where I parked. I managed to make it out of there without being noticed.

I arrived at Dieter’s a short time later, without incident. When I keyed into the front door, I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I paused to take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves.

“This is fucking ridiculous. Where are they getting their information? Someone that was there with Anna has to be feeding it to them.”

A woman’s voice spoke up, “D., you were yelling. I’m sure anyone seated around you could have figured out what it was about.”

“Yeah, but what about these sources? It’s all total bullshit. I swear, it sounds like Ann...”

I sat my bags down on the couch before walking into the kitchen as Dieter was speaking. He was leaning against the counter, until he caught sight of me. He stopped mid sentence, walking over to hug me tightly and immediately started apologizing.

“Stop apologizing. It’s fine. I’m ok.”

He pulled away as he moved his hand to cup my face. He gave me a questioning look, trying to decide if I was being honest or not. He seemed satisfied with what he saw before leaning in to give me a quick kiss on the lips. He reached down to grab my hand and led me further into the kitchen to where the man and woman were sitting at the kitchen table. He then introduced me to his publicist, Elaine, and his manager, Ty.

Elaine was probably in her late forties. She had blonde hair swept up into a neat bun. She was dressed business casual, but there was something elegant and genial about her. Ty seemed to be around the same age. He had dark hair with a hipster vibe about him. His face was very smug and judgy. Something about him was already rubbing me the wrong way.

As Dieter introduced us, Elaine gave me a warm smile and shook my hand. Ty on the other hand, looked me up and down before saying, “I would love to say I’ve heard a lot about you, but he has told us absolutely nothing before today.” He followed that statement with a tight smile before turning his gaze to Dieter in an admonishing way.

“That’s not accurate. I told you about her a long time ago. I just didn’t share intimate details because my personal life is my business.”

“Yeah, until it’s not,” Ty shot back at him.

Elaine jumped in, “Ok guys, let’s not argue. Let’s just figure out how we’re going to deal with this, please.”

“D., I’ve got to ask… you swear you're not using again? Be honest. We can’t help if we don’t know.”

Ty glanced over at me as he spoke. Almost like he wanted to see my reaction.

“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have asked that in front of your lady,” he added.

My eyes were focused on Ty. I could feel the intense look forming on my face. I knitted my brows together and tilted my head slightly as I tried to read his body language. That was exactly his intention. Was he testing us or just trying to be an ass?

“It’s fine, Ty. She already knows everything,” Dieter said as he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. He could sense that I was on edge with this guy. He gave me a comforting smile before turning back to Ty.

“I can’t believe you’re really asking me that. I’m completely clean. I didn’t even have any alcohol to drink last night. Neither of us did.”

“You’ve been so secretive lately and haven’t really been in touch with us unless you have to be. I’m just making sure. We don’t know what you’ve been up to,” Ty replied.

“I’ve been on a fucking break. Here. Staying out of trouble like you told me to do.”

I was starting to get annoyed with Ty’s line of questioning. He was being very negative. I felt the need to say something.

“For what it’s worth, I can vouch for him. He’s been working really hard at getting his shit together and he’s been doing great. Truly. We’re together the majority of the time, so I would know if he was doing something like that.”

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” Ty asked. I narrowed my eyes at him in response. He waved his hands and shook his head in a way that said ‘never mind’ before continuing, “Look, I don’t know you. No offense, but for all I know you could be feeding him lines of coke off those pert tits of yours all the while telling us everything is hunky-dory.”

I had to bite my tongue. I nodded my head as I gave him a tight smile and exhaled loudly. Dieter braced for my response, but I didn’t give one. I wasn’t really sure how to handle this situation.

Elaine interjected, “Ok, that’s enough Ty. Stop being a dick.” Ty gave her a sarcastic smile before leaning back into his seat and crossing his arms.

“Look D., I can tell by looking at you that you’re clean. Don’t listen to him,” she added.

I turned to go grab my laptop and phone off of the couch, then walked toward the back door. Dieter gave me a questioning look. I couldn’t stay in here with this guy for another minute.

“I’m gonna go sit out here and work until you're done.”

“You don’t have to do that. You’re in my life now. I don’t mind if you're involved in these discussions.”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.” I raised my brows at him. He knew what I was saying. I was going to lose it on this guy if I stayed. He gave me a tight nod in understanding.

I exited to the back yard and walked over to sit under the canopy of the rounded daybed to avoid the afternoon sun. I propped myself up on several outdoor pillows and stretched my legs out before getting back to work on my laptop. It was hard to focus given the day’s events. My thoughts were wandering as were my eyes. I couldn’t help glancing toward the glass doors. I could make out Dieter’s dark figure pacing around the kitchen, gesturing with his arms as he talked. Based on his mannerisms, he seemed frustrated. I felt that too.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed before the back door opened. Dieter came out carrying a takeout container and two bottles of water. He sat everything on a nearby table before crawling up the daybed toward my right side. I slid my laptop off to the left, giving him space to hover above the right side of my body as he leaned in for a lingering kiss. He pulled back slightly as his eyes roamed over my face.

“Lunch is here. Gotta make sure you don’t get hangry.” I chuckled.

“Thank you. How is it going in there?” He sighed as he sank down to lay his head on my chest. His right arm reached around and hugged me tightly.

“It’s going. I think we’ve settled on releasing a statement. Elaine is drafting it now. I’m not cool with people thinking I was under the influence. That’s the part that bothers me the most, aside from them posting all the details about you, obviously.”

“Can I ask you about that Instagram post?” He groaned.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you before I did that. I was hell-bent on making a point.”

He raised his head to look at me. He had a fierce look in his eyes, “I meant it though. I don’t need anyone but you. You’re kinda it for me and I don’t care who knows. They can all fuck off if they have a problem with it. I hope you’re not mad about it.”

“I’m not mad, but a heads up would’ve been helpful. I had to find all this stuff out from my assistant and boss as soon as I walked into the office this morning. Under normal circumstances, I probably would’ve found it to be a turn on, actually. But, the whole public side of everything just adds a weird layer to it, you know what I mean?”

“Shit, mi vida, I’m sorry. I really didn’t think that through. It was impulsive. I shouldn’t have done it.”

He scooted to sit upright, then pulled me into a hug. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck while he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. He began to run his fingers through the back of my hair.

“I’ve never been in an actual relationship, so I’m probably gonna fuck up… a lot. I’m asking for a little grace in advance because I’m not really sure how to navigate all this. But... I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

I pulled away, reaching to cup his cheek as our eyes met.

“We’ll figure it out together. You just need to make sure you’re communicating your thoughts and feelings with me, ok?”

He shook his head in agreement before reaching to grab my hand that was resting on his cheek. He held it as he turned to kiss the palm. Then he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. His tongue quickly found its way into my mouth for a moment. He pulled away, giving me a deep gaze. His eyes were now hooded with desire.

“I better get back in here before Ty comes looking for me.”

“I don’t think Ty is a fan of me.”

“Ty is a dick. He’s also friends with Anna, so there’s no telling what’s going on in his head.”

“Oh, is that gonna be a problem?”

“Possibly. We’ll see.”

I gave him a concerned look. He responded with a tight small and raised eyebrows before moving to get up and walk back toward the house. As I watched him, my eyes were drawn to the two silhouettes in the kitchen window. Elaine and Ty had been watching us.

I suddenly felt like our private moment had been violated. Then again, I should probably get used to that. The quiet world we had been living in was quickly crumbling around us. I had a sinking feeling in my gut that we were about to be tested. My only hope was that we could handle it.

I moved over to the table with my laptop so that I could eat as I continued to work. However, that was soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing. It was Lauren calling. She must have finally gotten wind of what was going on. As soon as I answered, she was in full interrogation mode.

“What the actual fuck is going on? What is all this stuff on TMZ? And that Instagram post? What the hell happened in Sonoma?”

I quickly filled her in on all the details as I nibbled at my lunch. I could feel my chest tightening as I relayed the events from the previous night.

“Well, I’m happy you both finally stood up to Anna. She is such a bitch. I can’t believe she said that shit. It’s so fucked up. It’s almost like she was trying to get that kind of reaction out of him.”

“Oh, I’m fairly certain that was the exact reaction she was shooting for. She knows how to push his buttons, unfortunately.”

“Should we be concerned about his reaction? He’s never been like that before, right?”

“Not that I’ve seen. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t concern me a little. He wasn’t responding to me initially, but I think he was just trying to focus on staying calm.”

“Yeah, hopefully that’s all it was.”

Lauren and I ended our conversation after that with promises for the two of us to get together soon. It felt like we hadn’t spent any quality friend time together in ages, and I hated that. She had seemed less engaged lately, blaming it on being short staffed at the shop. I briefly found myself wondering if she had something going on that she wasn’t sharing. It would be unusual for her to keep something from me though. I wasn’t sure if I had the mental capacity to think about that too much at the moment, so I dismissed the thought.

Soon after hanging up with Lauren, Aubrey called to check in and see how I was doing. She told me to take the following day off to try and relax after the madness of today. She also told me to work from home for the next little bit until things calmed down, noting that guys with cameras were hanging around the building. All I could do was apologize. I felt awful that my place of employment was having to deal with this mess too, but she was having none of it.

“Talia, after what I saw in here with you two yesterday, I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that happy or content. It is what it is. We’ll handle it.”

I could feel myself getting a little emotional. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. She was always more supportive of me than she needed to be. I had to take a moment to steady my voice before responding.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Hopefully it will blow over quickly.”

After hanging up with Aubrey, I sat staring at my laptop, completely disassociating for a time, feeling like my mind needed a break. I was soon brought back to reality by the sound of footsteps. When I glanced up, I was greeted by Elaine’s approaching smile.

“Do you mind if I join you for a few minutes? Dieter and Ty are on a conference call with the studio. I don’t want to be in on that one if I can help it.”

“Uhh, yeah, sure. Have a seat,” I motioned to the seat next to me as I moved the empty food container out of the way.

She sat down beside me, still smiling before she continued, “You work for Aubrey, right?”

My head snapped back toward her, eyes widened in surprise.

“Yeah…how did you…”

“We have friends in common, so we’ve spent a lot of time together. I didn’t realize who you were until I read that article. I’ve heard her say a lot of really good things about you.”

“Oh well, small world.” I gave a timid laugh. I wasn’t sure where this was going.

“You know, I was with Dieter during a few meetings in New York. He seemed different, even then. I’m pretty sure he was enamored with you the moment you met.”

I couldn’t help the look of disbelief that came across my face, “I doubt that.”

“I’m serious. I mean, he’d been trying to straighten his life out for some time, but something changed after that trip. He seemed a lot more focused and determined. I think that had a lot to do with you.”

I couldn’t help the half smile that crept across my face. If I was honest, I think I was probably enamored with him before we even said a word to each other that first night at the bar.

“I’ve been working with Dieter since the beginning, and I’ve never seen him like this with anyone. I can see that he’s in love with you. I think you’re good for him. So, ignore anything Ty says. He’s blind and also a dick. If you need to throw some of that sass at him that I’ve heard so much about, do it. He needs to be put in his place every once in a while.”

I chuckled. Of course, Aubrey had mentioned that. It was the thing she loved most about me. I could always say what she couldn’t. As far as Elaine was concerned, she was definitely earning some points in my book. I felt like she was being sincere and meant what she was saying. I was happy to find that Dieter had at least one decent person on his side.

“Thank you. I probably needed to hear that. I’m happy he has you. Everyone else I’ve met so far, aside from his family… I’ve just not been impressed. I can understand why he feels like he doesn't have enough support.”

“It’s not the easiest industry to work in. Especially when you have things going on like he does. I’m happy he found someone from the outside that he can trust.”

We were interrupted by Dieter sticking his head out the back door to announce they were off the call. I decided to give up on work for the day since I couldn’t concentrate and had made zero progress. I gathered up all of my things and followed Elaine inside. Elaine and Ty didn’t stay much longer after that, thankfully.

Dieter made a point to set his phone to ‘do not disturb’ after they left. He was over it all and looked exhausted. He flopped down on the couch. I followed, squeezing in between him and the back of it, cuddling into his side. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. Both of us sat in silence for some time before he spoke up.

“I’ve been asked to go see my therapist tomorrow. I’m a little pissed that Ty has no confidence in me.”

“How involved is he with that stuff?”

“Not really that involved. He just likes to make sure I’m going regularly. He doesn’t know the details of anything.”

“Well, maybe it's not a bad idea. This week has been a lot for you. It couldn’t hurt. I can take you if you want. Aubrey told me to take tomorrow off. I can pop in to visit Lauren at the shop while you’re there.”

“Yeah, sure. I think I’d like that.”

We spent the rest of the evening on the couch together catching up on some of our shows and enjoying each other’s company. It was a nice end to the day given how it had started. It was exactly what we needed to recover from the drama.

When the alarm went off at 7AM the next morning, Dieter was not there. I sighed when my fingers met with the cold sheets on his side of the bed. As I lay wondering how long he had been awake, he came walking into the room wearing nothing but gym shorts and carrying a cup of coffee. He handed it over to me as I sat up.

“Despierta, bella durmiente.”

I squinted at him in confusion, “What?”

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” he repeated in English with a smirk.

“I don’t know about beauty. I’m pretty sure I look like a hot mess.”

I could tell my hair was sticking up in every direction after having Dieter’s hands tangled in it for an extended time the previous night. Even though we were both worn out, we still had the need to partake in some stress relieving activities before sleep took us. It was becoming part of our nightly routine at this point.

He rolled his eyes at me, “Whatever you say, mi amor.”

I smiled at his response. I understood that pet name.

“I happen to like the wild sex hair look, it’s a good reminder of our late night activities,” he added with a playful smile and a wink before walking into his closet.

“I probably need to run to my house to grab some clothes.”

“I should just give you space in my closet so you have some things here for days like this.”

He walked out and threw one of his band t-shirts at me to wear. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Is that right? Are we those people now?” I huffed out a laugh.

“Just trying to make your life a little easier babe,” he replied with a flirty grin.

“I guess this means I shouldn’t make you live out of a gym bag at my place anymore then.”

I gave him a teasing look as I took another sip of my coffee.

“I mean, it would save me from all the wrinkles and it’s the polite thing to do.”

He shrugged as he sat down on the bed beside me with a toothy smile on his face. I reached up to slide my hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He briefly paused to take the coffee mug out of my other hand and sat it on the nightstand. Then, he lifted the comforter and crawled underneath it, hovering above my naked body to settle in between my thighs.

As he kissed down the crook of my neck, he reached down to my folds, rubbing gently. He groaned when he felt how wet I already was for him. He inserted two fingers painfully slow as his thumb found the bundle of nerves at my center. His touch caused a sudden jolt of heat to radiate through me. I arched up toward his mouth, which had found its way to my breast. My hands twisted in his curls as he kissed and sucked every inch of me that he had access to, causing me to climax quickly. It was amazing how well he could work my body into a frenzy. I didn’t understand it, but I welcomed it without hesitation every time.

He continued to shower me with soft caresses and kisses until I came down from my high. My immediate response was to reach for his shorts and shove them down his hips far enough to release the hardness I could feel pressing against me. As soon as he was free, I lined him up with my entrance. He responded by slowly sinking into me for the first few thrusts. He abruptly switched to hard thrusts in, all the way to the hilt, but pulled out ever so slowly. With each thrust in, I could feel my muscles quiver slightly. Ready to be taken over the edge again. A small whimper escaped my mouth every time he slammed into me. This pace was maddening, and he knew it.

“Fuck, I’m so close. Stop teasing me. Please,” I managed to cry out between moans.

“What do you need, mi amor. Tell me.”

I could feel his warm breath against my ear as he spoke in a low, sensual tone.

“Faster… please.”

He acquiesced by gradually increasing speed, but still thrusting just as hard. It didn’t take long after that. I quickly came undone around him. He followed soon after, burying his face into my neck. Muffling the low grunts that were escaping his lips.

He hovered above me with his head leaning down toward my chest for several minutes, trying to catch his breath. When he raised it to look at me, I reached for his face and ran my thumb down his plump bottom lip as we looked into each other's eyes. Taking in the shared emotions of the moment. Our time together only seemed to be getting more passionate. It was a miracle to me that we could handle it. I took that as a testament to how much we had both evolved emotionally.

“We really should get in the shower, or else I’m gonna be late.”

I nodded in agreement before giving him one last kiss. He pulled himself out of me with a small grunt, moving to get up. He discarded his shorts on the floor before he walked toward the bathroom. I followed behind to join him. Showering together was becoming pretty routine at this point too. Any chance we got for bonding time, we took full advantage of.

We both had to rush to get ready so that he wasn’t late for his appointment. I didn’t have time to stop and get fresh clothes, so I ended up wearing my skinny jeans from the day before with his t-shirt. Luckily, I had a spare pair of comfy sneakers stowed away in my car.

He was quiet on the way to his appointment, seeming somewhat anxious. He had his right arm propped on the passenger side door with his hand fisted under his chin as he looked out the window. His left hand sat on his thigh while his thumb rubbed back and forth against the other four digits non-stop. I reached over to grab his left hand, entwining our fingers together, hoping it would help calm him. I wasn’t sure that it did.

I pulled up to the front door of his therapist office to drop him off. He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss before exiting the vehicle. I really hoped his session went ok. I wasn’t sure how much more he could handle this week.

After dropping him off, I made my way over to Lauren’s shop. I needed to pick up some supplies, but also wanted to visit with her if she wasn’t too busy. However, when I got there, I was informed that she was taking the day off because she wasn’t feeling well. I found that to be odd. I tried calling her as I wandered down the painting supply aisles. She didn’t answer. I sent her a quick text.

ME: Hey, stopped by to see you and they said you’re out sick. You ok? Need anything?

I didn’t get an immediate response back. Maybe she was asleep? Weird.

I continued browsing for another twenty minutes or so. Finally, my phone pinged.

LAUREN: No, I’m good. Just sleeping it off.

That’s it. Nothing else. Typically, she tended to overshare the gory details. Something had to be going on with her. I felt like I needed to talk to her about it.

I gathered up the remaining items that I needed, then headed toward the checkout counter. I still had some time to kill before going to pick Dieter up, so I decided to run by his favorite smoothie place to pick something up for us. When I got there, it was fairly empty. However, I could feel eyes on me as I stood in line. I glanced around and noticed a couple of girls sitting in a booth looking my way like they recognized me. Geez. I felt like I needed to resort to wearing a hat and sunglasses like Dieter often did. I made a point to turn away from them so they couldn’t see my face. Luckily, I got our order fairly quickly after that and hightailed it back to my car.

I made my way back toward Dieter’s therapist office. I managed to find a parking spot nearby to wait. He still had about ten minutes left. To kill some time, I pulled out my phone to scroll through social media. As soon as I opened the app, I checked the one message alert that popped up. It was from Kerrie. She shared a picture of me at the smoothie shop that had just been posted by a fan account. There was a second picture of Dieter wearing the same t-shirt at some point in time. So they take inventory of his clothing too? And I had literally just left the place.

“Fucking hell. This is so ridiculous.”

I shook my head, closing the app without reading any of the comments. I didn’t want to know what they had to say. Just as I threw my phone down on the middle console, I saw Dieter walking out of the building, briefly stopping to pull out his phone. I assumed to check in on where I was. I quickly pulled out of the parking spot to meet him.

He had an irritated scowl on his face as he got into the car and shut the door a little harder than necessary. I stuck his smoothie in front of his face, and he softened some as he took it from me. He turned, giving me a small smile before sticking the straw in his mouth. I took a minute to pull out onto the main road before I spoke, “I’m almost afraid to ask, but did everything go ok?”

He was quiet for a time as he continued to work on his smoothie. I could tell he was thinking about how to respond.

“He wants to make some adjustments to my medication. The med provider agreed, so I’ve gotta go pick up some prescriptions.”

“Why does he want to do that?”

“Because I’m still having trouble sleeping and the anxiety is getting worse. They’re trying a different sleeping pill and different dosage amounts on the other stuff. I know it’s just because I’m leaving to film soon. It’s got me a little amped up. I really don’t wanna be dealing with medication changes on top of that. It tends to mess with me until I adjust.”

I didn’t really know what to say. I reached over to grab his hand in comfort. He spoke up again, directing me to one of the local pharmacies so he could pick up his prescriptions. I parked and started to grab my purse, but he told me I could wait in the car. Before he got out, he grabbed his hat, sunglasses, and earbuds. His ultimate “don’t talk to me” look. He reached in for his drink before shutting the door. I watched him walk toward the main entrance with his head down. He looked defeated and I hated it for him. He still had a long road ahead of him.

It took a while before his prescription was ready since they had just called it in. He finally came shuffling out the doors forty-five minutes after he went in. He was immediately approached by someone shoving a camera in his face. I could tell he was annoyed, but still smiled and chatted with the guy as he walked. I assumed it was paparazzi since they were clearly recording the entire interaction. When Dieter got to the car and opened the door, I could hear the guy yelling my name and asking how I was today. I mustered a small smile and wave as Dieter shut the door.

“I guess our quiet little bubble has burst, huh?”

“Yep. Welcome to my world.”

He gave me an annoyed look as he put his seatbelt on. I backed out as the guy continued to film. We were both beyond ready to go home.

During our remaining two weeks together, we spent as much time at home as we could. Dieter enlisted his assistant, Rylee, to pick things up for us as needed. She was a sweet girl and seemed like a genuinely good person, which I was thankful for. She had a lot of spunk and a fun personality, with brightly colored hair to match. He was going to need that while he was away. He was going to need all the help and positivity he could get.

As his departure date neared, he was clearly getting more anxious. He tried to keep himself busy preparing for the role during the hours that I worked. Our free time was spent wrapped up with each other, locking the rest of the world out. It was the only time he seemed to relax in the slightest.

Since his change in medication, there were some days he felt terrible. He started having intense headaches and nausea almost immediately. The doctor insisted that was normal the first few weeks, which was frustrating for him. He was worried it wouldn’t stop before filming began, adding an extra layer to his anxiety. It did seem to be happening less as the days went on, but that did little to ease his fears. It also didn’t seem to be doing much to remedy the issues for which he was taking them, further frustrating him.

In an effort to keep his spirits up, we started planning our trips to see each other. The first trip would be three weeks after filming started. I would be spending a week with him while he worked. He had a scheduled three-day break four weeks after that. Which meant he would fly back home during that time. By then they would be getting into filming out in the middle of nowhere, so we decided to play it by ear at that point because of my work schedule. I had hoped that having those planned visits would give him something to look forward to. A positive distraction to focus on rather than the negative thoughts he said often plagued him.

The morning that he was set to leave, he was a scattered mess. His thoughts were all over the place. He was jumping from one topic to another as he rushed around to make sure he had everything he needed. I felt like he was doing everything he could to not focus on the fact that he was leaving, which was probably a good thing. Both of us seemed to be avoiding that topic directly.

Rylee was traveling with Dieter, so she showed up around an hour before their car arrived to take them to the airport. They went through several checklists to make sure he was all set. I was thankful for that because I had no idea what all he needed. It also helped to keep him distracted.

Before we knew it, their car was out front waiting as they hauled their luggage out. We kept our goodbye brief with a tight embrace and passionate kiss, all while avoiding direct eye contact and not saying a word. We both knew if we lingered too long, one of us would break down. I didn’t want to stress him further, so I knew we needed to avoid that at all costs.

As soon as his car was out of sight, I lost all composure. I couldn’t help it. I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it was making me nauseous. I was worried about how he was going to handle this. As I sat on the couch trying to pull myself together, my phone pinged.

DIETER: Love you, mi estrella. I miss you already.

ME: Love you too. I’ll be with you again soon enough. Call me if you need me, please.

DIETER: I promise I will. I’ll text you when we land.

After I calmed down, I turned off everything and locked his house up. I decided to go back to my place for now. I needed to distract myself. When I got home, I went straight to my craft room and started a new project, a painting for Dieter. He had mentioned multiple times that he wanted me to paint one for his house. I felt like this would be the perfect distraction.

I had an image in my mind that I wanted to recreate for him. A reminder of our most intimate experience, but also a reminder of a happier time from his past. I started by covering the canvas with the brilliant colors of the rising sun, before moving on to the more symbolic images that would serve as the focal point of the piece. The images were slowly beginning to take shape as I blended the dark wood colors with gold, green, and white. I got lost in the project, my emotions finally going numb and thoughts going blank as I had intended.

A/N: Hopefully this chapter wasn’t too much of a mess. My concentration has been all over the place this week for whatever reason and it was a struggle.

Anyway, so there we have it. The fallout from the very public argument with Anna. How we feeling about that? Do you think it will create any problems for our lovely couple? Did your feelings change about the Instagram post after their talk? What are your thoughts on the new characters? Do we think something is going on with Lauren, or is Talia overthinking it?

Dieter has officially left to film, which is what everyone has been dreading. How do we think everything that he is currently dealing with is going to affect him? Any predictions on how this is about to go?

What about Talia’s painting? Any predictions on what it might be?

So many things to ponder in this chapter!

I am issuing a warning now. Things are going to start getting a lot rougher going forward. There is going to be some extreme drama and angst building until it finally hits a breaking point due to a major event that’s going to be pretty heart wrenching for everyone. So, be prepared for the crazy journey ahead.

Mood board for this chapter is included below in case you missed the teaser. 😉

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @pedrostories @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

#dieter bravo #pedro pascal #dieter x ofc #dieter bravo fic #Destiny & Deliverance Series #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo x ofc #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #Pedro Pascal Fanfic #dieter bravo x oc #dieter bravo fluff #dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #the bubble #pedrostories

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sarenhale · 10 months

Text

It's so strange being ok.

I've spent the last... six years? Being depressed, angry, frustrated, sad, disillusioned.

When you spend so much time just giving up internally everyday, fighting your mind every single time you wake up, you forget how being okay is like. I'm not even talking about being happy or ecstatic. Just being in balance. In control. I forgot how it felt like.

I remember how I felt like shit was always out of my hands, my life, my job, my mental health, my emotion, my path, my decisions. I remember feeling like a small boat in the middle of the ocean all the time, not knowing what the fuck to do. It's so strange to have shit working out and then figuring out you're okay.

Just breathing and looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing you're done. You're here and you've done it. You're living your life and you're content and things are working out and a future is appearing again at the horizon. It's crazy.

It's genuinely something I had given up for a long while. It's something I never even thought about or dreamt about anymore, and then boom, it happens suddenly in a couple of months, and you sit there like holy shit. Just drinking a beer in the breeze of the calmness of your own living room, the room lit by the tv screen, and you realize you're content. You're at peace, finally, and you're out of fight or flight mode. You smile more again, you laugh, you feel more like an idiot and shooting the shit with friends, and you make plans, you stick your neck out for new opportunities, new shit, a new life.

And suddenly you're living again. The world has began to move again, the movie is not paused anymore, everything is moving and its moving so fast but it's great. Because you forgot how it felt like to have stuff move and change in the direction you want to.

And you realize how much you want to see of the world. Of yourself, of your friends, of whatever the hell life can bring, and everything feels so fucking easy and normal and crazy at the same time.

It's nuts. I'm experiencing it and every week, almost, I stop down and think about it. I feel everything hit me all the once, the reality that I'm okay now, that I moved on. It's so strange that it happened so suddenly, like a boulder suddenly moved away from your path, just like that.

Sometimes I just think about everything and I feel so lucky and crazy and grateful. I cry a bit, not because I'm sad, more like out of astonishment and happiness than everything. It's a bit overwhelming at times, even though it's a good type of overwhelming, it's like all the hopes and projects and plans you haven't allowed yourself to feel for ages suddenly come back and hit you.

I'm still reeling from it, honestly. But I'm happy. And stuff is moving really fast and I couldn't be happier about it

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not-a-cheese-thief · 1 year

Text

The new trailer for Ted Lasso season 3 and all the speculation that goes with it about who may or may not end up coming out (or just being queer) has me going kind of crazy. I’ve been on this hell-site for so many years on and off, I’ve seen all the queer baiting, all the desperate hoping and tricking yourself into the belief that this little thing might be a sign. I hyper-fixate on shows, especially on the queer-coded characters, and I long for good queer representation. I’ve been through all of this longing and hoping before, and I’m just getting so sick of it.

Whenever I talk to a het person about Ted Lasso and its lack of any queer characters, they either say “there’s not any yet, there’s another season still to come,” or “one of them might be gay, you don’t know.” Neither of these things are good enough. Neither sentiment makes me think “Yeah, that’ll probably be good enough.” For one thing, we’re two seasons in. If you’re two seasons into a show that is clearly conscious of some forms of diversity, but can’t manage to acknowledge the existence of queerness beyond a slur that was used in the first two minutes, and the occasional joke (usually used to make a female character seem more sexy/intriguing), then can there really be much hope for real, honest queer representation and storytelling in the third and final season?

Will they really get round to the very important question of how homophobia fits into the the toxic masculinity locker room culture that Ted first walked into, and how that affected and continues to affect the mental health of those within it? Will they really tell this (or any) story from the point of view of a queer person, and with the care and nuance it deserves? They’ve had poc characters from the start, but even their storytelling of these characters has been controversial and from many people’s perspectives, problematic.

I know the history of queer television, I know why queer coding became a powerful way of telling only the people in the know “hey, I see you”. But we’ve moved beyond that, and in a TV show like Ted Lasso, where it so clearly aims to tell a diverse range of stories, from an accepting and curious point of view, the lack of actual, truely represented, honest queerness is jarring. I’m sick of being presented with crumbs, with jokes that anyone who’s not queer wouldn’t even notice, and being treated like it’s a gift.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Ted Lasso, I love all my Richmond himbos and my darling Keeley. I’ll watch season 3 and I’ll obsess. I’ll keep all my little headcanons. But I just can’t stand all this trying to trick myself into believing we’ll actually get a queer storyline, especially not for a main character. I’ve been there before and it hurts. We deserve better. So I’m including a little list, for the darlings who have actually read this whole post, of my current fav shows with actual queer characters and stories, so that while we deal with all this Ted Lasso anxiety, we can also have some comfort LGBTQIA+ tv too. Please add your favourites too.

Brassic:

I have to put this first even though it’s not necessarily the gayest, because I think anyone and everyone who watches Ted Lasso should watch Brassic. Joe Gilgun co-created the show and stars as the main character Vinnie, and while his diagnosis has changed since the show’s beginning (he’s now discovered he has bpd, not bipolar) the show’s depiction of Vinnie as man living with bipolar disorder is phenomenal. As is the way it introduces and tells the stories of its queer characters; most notably Ash, a gay man from a traditional Irish traveller family, who has my heart (but actually there are very few main characters who I'm convinced are really, totally straight).

There's a moment in the show when Vinnie encounters some ‘casual’ homophobia, and even though he’s not with anyone queer, even though he doesn’t know the person who said it, and he’s got shit he really has to get on with, he has to call it out. It’s a little moment, in a show with a lot more very gay scenes and storylines, but it’s the kind of thing that just feels so important. Brassic is chaotic and crude and probably too much for a lot of people, but it’s loving too.

9-1-1: Lone Star:

This one might not be the same high quality television as the others; it’s a first responder drama that tends towards the soapy, but god, I love it. I love the way they write their queer characters, I love the way they write the friendships between them, and the ways that most of the characters are some kind of minority and use their shared experiences of being marginalised and discriminated against to support and be there for each other.

It's also worth noting that Brian Michael Smith, who plays Paul, a trans man, is the first black trans man to be a series regular on American tv, and that queer actors Ronen Rubinstein and Rafael Silva, who play lovers on the show, were recently on the cover of Out magazine, and are both activists in the queer community.

Sense8:

It’s so wonderfully, beautifully queer. It’s a scifi, made by the Wachowski sisters, that’s a kind of love letter to the LGBT+ community. I don't think any of the main characters are meant to be straight, it’s all so very, very queer. Please do watch it, just, not with your mum you know.

Our Flag Means Death:

Gay pirates. Non-binary pirates. New Zealand accents on characters that are definitely not meant to be from New Zealand. What more could you want?

Vico Ortiz, who is non-binary, apparently cried when they read the script because the writers (three of whom are also non-binary) had taken such care to create space for the non-binary character, Jim. You can honestly feel that care when watching the show.

The Last of Us:

I’m sorry. I’m not a gamer and don’t know anything about the game, but every time I yell at my gamer friend who made me watch the show for making me watch it, they just laugh knowingly and say it's only getting worse. So I’m sorry, but yeah, you should still watch it.

#ted lasso #colin hughes #jamie tartt #keeley jones #isaac mcadoo #trent crimm #they're all queer coded #Queer Representation #queer baiting #theodore lasso #lgbt representation

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sapphire-weapon · 10 months

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I can't help but pick apart characters I like and resonate with. Where RE is concerned, it's kinda infamous to offer only little insights and tidbits. That personally leaves me to deepdive into fanbase opinions and thought pieces. Anyway, my question is, do have any favourite headcanons about Leon and his lifestyle/personality? :)

My two cents is that he's very introverted and a little bit awkward and lonely. Idk if that's obvious, or maybe you disagree? Just curious, if you'd like to weigh in with anything extra. :)

The thing about Leon is that I don't think he's introverted by nature; I think his emotional breakdown and subsequent depression and drinking problem sort of forced him into that lifestyle. This is for both versions of Leon, too -- Remake and OG. I think that pre-RE2 he was fairly extroverted (OG moreso than Remake, but still both) and would've rather gone out than stay in.

And while his actual nature hasn't changed, his mental health and lifestyle both have. On some level, he'd still prefer to go out than stay in, and he'd rather be with people rather than be alone, but his job keeps him pretty socially isolated, and the depressive part of his brain doesn't have the energy/doesn't want to be bothered with trying to navigate around it, because he also has a newfound sense of paranoia and self-loathing to fight through, too. So his brain just kind of goes "it's not worth it" now.

I think it's gotten worse as he's gotten older, too. OG RE4 Leon still seemed to want to try to hold onto some part of who he was before Raccoon City -- ID Leon, too. But then we start getting into Damnation and then RE6 and then Vendetta, and he just seems to crawl further and further into whatever post-trauma hole he's dug for himself.

Remake Leon is a slightly different beast in that regard; his character arc seems to have been accelerated a bit compared to OG, and he just went straight to the level of cynicism and self-isolation that his OG counterpart doesn't hit until RE6.

He's definitely lonely, though. There's no denying that. Leon exists in a world so far removed from the average person that he probably doesn't even remember how to have a normal conversation anymore.

Could you imagine post-RE4 Leon trying to just like... date normally...? Leon, who was kidnapped and coerced via the threat of violence against a child into his career -- a man who's been completely estranged from his family since 1998 -- just sitting there listening to some girl talk about how her boss is a dick and she's having problems with her sister or something. He's just like "... yeah that sounds... that's crazy :T" He's the personification of can'trelate.jpeg

And the people who do understand him are so physically far from him (I think Chris and Jill still live in Europe, at least for part of the year, if I'm not mistaken) and have their own lives that it's not like he keeps in touch with them very well.

Most of Leon's life probably blurs together, and he has a horrible concept of time as a result. Like, he'll go several years between actually physically seeing/hanging out with Claire, but every time he sees her, he's like "I just saw you last summer" -- but no, he very much did not.

Very few of his days are different from the last. He wakes up, works out, showers, goes to the office, comes home, has a few drinks and dicks around, then goes to sleep. Every day. And he doesn't really do anything much on the weekends, either. He cleans if he can muster the will to do it (fuck it, if not; it's not like he lives with anyone or ever has guests), and then he drinks and dicks around some more. And then the weekend is over. And the cycle repeats.

And when I say "dicks around" I mean that Leon has watched so many movies at this point in his life that he actually could be fun for conversation if he would just pull his head out of his own ass and realize that even normal people have, like, hobbies and interests and shit.

And while I make fun of him for being a dumbass idiot butt monkey all the time, I do genuinely think he reads a lot -- both fiction and nonfiction. Especially once ebooks really start taking off and becoming a thing.

I like to think that the big secret that he'll never tell anyone is that he's a sucker for a good romance. It's not his preferred go-to genre or anything, but every once in a while, he'll self-indulge and live vicariously through a romance story.

This next headcanon is 100% just me projecting, because this is what I did during and after my own breakdown when I still lived on the east coast -- but when he does want to get out of the house, he waits until late at night (like 11pm or later) and then goes and just. Watches the ocean.

And thinks about throwing himself into it. But never does.

#resident evil #leon kennedy #i still do that last one every time i go home lmao

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just-a-carrot · 6 months

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hi carrot

its kinda a long speech and not really a great one so i’m sorry if you’re not used to criticism(i haven’t seen any of it yet) but i’ve been talking about it with my friend and i can’t hide the urge to ask you what happened

i’ve been following OW updates for a looong long time now, and i feel like what you started with isn’t really what you’re going with right now, i’m not telling you that you should change the whole plot that you have or anything, i’m just saying that OW kinda lost this vibe that i’ve got while playing the first 4 arcs

before it was a disturbing, kinda frightening, messed-up in its own way story, with fucked-up characters and the same fucked-up backgrounds. while playing it i’ve felt like you didn’t give a shit about how gory or wicked the novel is because it’s just how the story was! you made me feel conflicted emotions towards every character, everyone had their EXTREMELY bad side but in the same amount a good one, and nothing of it was left aside like it’s nothing. Technically, the only reason why i loved OW so much is because of how much crazy stuff was going on, like literally my heart was on FIRE after each arc, i was only thinking about how fucked up(in a good way) this story is!

So… Since the first part of Arc 5 i knew that it wasn’t it anymore, everything felt too rushed and too…kind? I mean, i didn’t really get the whole thing about how Iggy and Genzou just let all of the things that Gidget did slide, they didn’t even really apologise for anything? I get that it’s wonderland who messed up their minds and finally they’re free from it whoohoo but no way that it could be THAT easily forgiven. I liked the ending of second part but? Genzou was a fucking dick for more than a decade and literally ruined Orlam, and definitely did something terrible at some point(that you decided to keep behind the scenes(i’m talking about the one thing that he regrets)), it’s just NO WAY that a “sorry” would cut it. He didn’t do anything yet to earn it. And Iggy isn’t a perfect guy either. It’s okay for now, no time for heart to heart talks and stuff, but it would be really sad if everyone just gonna accept things just how they are.

so um shit that’s a LOT of words, but i just wanted to tell that it feels like you’re either holding back or just decided to turn everything into semi-sweet story about forgiveness and mistakes and power of friendship?? i know that everyone like it right now, and you really really improved on technical and artistic side, which is fantastic

i’m just curious about how do you see OW as of now, what story is it, did i missed some parts which made me think like it’s a whole another thing? feel free to tell me “YOU’RE WRONG” if it’s really like that

hey!! thanks so much for sending this in. i don't mind criticism at all and i would never tell you that you're wrong 🤣 i know fully well that this is far from a perfect game and there are many things wrong with it. both simply because nothing is ever perfect and also because my skills and capacity as a solo developer have their limits (even putting my own mental health on any given day aside alkdjfalsd)

this turned out really long and rambling so i've put it under a cut LOL

that's a good question tbh -- if something changed since i began working on the game. quite a few things have i will admit. many plot points weren't developed until mid-way through production. character arcs went in new ways. new characters came into being that i had never planned for. so i do think you're exactly right in that yeah, the game has taken a lot of turns and the vibe of the end is probably quite different from the earlier stuff, in particular Arc 1. actually my very first iteration of the initial idea was just to have the whole game be Arc 1! 🤣 it was only after sitting on it a while (still long before actual production began) that i happened upon the idea of the loops and then began thinking about each of the characters' initial core arcs. and then by the time production of each arc came around, they changed even more as i actually began writing them. i think Arc 2 was probably the one that changed the least from my initial ideas. then starting in Arc 3, things began to change a lot. and that compounded more and more, to the point that Arc 4 was almost nothing like my initial idea aside from the fact that I knew it would focus on Gidget. for instance, plot points like after-prom and everything involved didn't even come into being until I was working on Arc 3. so there were a LOT of like, plot lines that didn't really work their way into the game until various points throughout production. and a lot of that just comes down to me living with the characters and story more and discovering new things about them while writing. and also adding more and more of myself??? i think that was also a big thing. the more i worked on the game, the more of myself went into the game, and the more "courageous" i felt about what i was putting into the game. i will be completely honest here and say that when i released Arc 1, i was actually afraid of saying there was going to be some "gay stuff" in it 🤣💦 i was nervous about being so open and out there with my creative works, especially as someone who's a bit older and keeps to themself more in general already. but then the more i worked on the game, the more courageous i felt, and the more of myself went into the game, and the more open i started to feel, which allowed me to be myself a lot more. in a way, in my head at least, my mindset from back from when i was working on Arc 1 is a lot different from now in that at the time, my goal was to just create something horrific and more in the general horror category, but now it's become much more personal to me and i don't really care as much about being shocking and horrific as i do about about the characters themselves and how important they've become to me and how my own personal stories have evolved through them. so it is perhaps a bit of a different mindset and is probably evident even in the way i talk about the game too 💦💦💦 and i also realize that this might be not what a lot of people like, especially if they liked the game more for the dark and horrific aspects. so for that i apologize to anyone who also feels let down by some of the directions the game has taken that may not be in line with their expectations 😞

i'm also really sorry that Arc 5 has felt rushed to you so far. for me personally it doesn't feel rushed at all as i've been working on Arc 5 on its own for over a year now and it's still not done and i've burnt out multiple times on it 🤣 but i can understand how on a player side it could feel that way, especially with all the other unmet expectations about the game and story. i have always been heading towards what i refer to as a "light in the tunnel" with the ending of the game. i think even as far back as responding to comments on itch from like Arc 1 and Arc 2 era i wrote things like that, especially when people would ask about the eventual ending LOL perhaps because with my previous game it did NOT have any kind of hopeful ending. but i did definitely want to lead into an ending that wasn't completely hopeless. that even if not everything was "fixed" (since there are some things that just will never be fixed) it's at least better off than things were before. but i freely admit that the way i handle reaching that point might not meet everyone's expectations (and this is one of my biggest fears and anxieties tbh... because there's been so much build-up and people have a lot of expectations now and there's basically no way i'm going to meet them all 💦)

Arc 5 is interesting to me in that there are quite a few things about it that actually do match my initial ideas for it almost exactly -- even back from when i was still working on Arcs 1 and 2 and just thinking towards the future. for instance, i actually started randomly working on some Arc 5 sprites in december of 2021 (and accidentally left them in the Arc 2 game files that some people found LOL). they were similar to what they would eventually become (orlam was basically zombiefied, gidget was wearing a very fancy dress, and genzou looked mentally traumatized), though i didn't end up finishing/using them as there were slight things that changed about them and also my drawing skills had gotten better by the time Arc 5 rolled around too lol. so i did have a general idea of how each character arc would culminate even if i didn't have all the ideas worked out specifically (most of the final details weren't worked out until i was literally writing things). i also drew this picture in summer of 2022 while working on Arc 4 that would eventually become a basically 1-to-1 CG because the scene was so visceral in my mind:

however there were a lot of other parts of Arc 5 that didn't come into being until i was working on it. cecil's involvement for instance, since cecil himself didn't come into being until Arc 4. jerry's involvement, since jerry didn't become more of an actual character until i developed OFW (rather than just the one-off joke in Arc 2). the final collector scene was one i knew would happen but didn't know exactly how i was gonna do it until i actually wrote it (and was also influenced by my work on OFW). the iggy dolls i did come up with somewhat early on, though their kind of quirky manner and scenes didn't really develop until i was actually working on it. and the spider idea for gidget's finale was something that didn't develop until i was actively working on Arc 5. the scenes in orlam's castle were actually pretty close to my original visions for them (i even had the music picked out for the chase scene already since like Arc 1 or 2 LOL) even if it wasn't until i was working on 5.15 that i figured out exactly how to do the final genzou/orlam bit (i had a few different potential iterations in my mind for it, though they all had similar vibes)

i'm probably writing way too much at this point 🤣 but i guess i just wanted to show how indeed a lot has changed since production started and Arc 1 was released, though there were still other parts that did remain at least basically the same in spirit. so i guess it's kind of a mixed bag! but you're definitely right that no matter how many specific scenes might have remained the same or changed, the overall vibe likely has changed, which all comes down to me and how i've changed and how my approach and mindset has also changed

to that end, i can really only apologize 😞 the game is in a place where now where i'm happier than i've been with it since all of production, but i freely admit it might have turned into something that people don't like anymore or that doesn't meet their expectations. also that i could have done things better -- devoted more time to it, written it better, developed the characters better. i am only human and so the things i create will have many flaws. i'm always trying to improve! but no matter how much i improve there will always still be issues. game dev in and of itself is just something i do for fun because i want to tell stories. it's not something i ever want to make money off of for instance. i really just do it because i enjoy it (and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going through my mental health stuff) and i also know that i don't have the skills to make anything that will ever be more than that. i'm really sorry to anyone i've let down because of the direction of the story and the changes in how i've approached the game. i wish i could have made a better game for you 😭

#ow: asks

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ladylovesloki · 2 years

Text

Imposter Prince: Ch 8, Final

Pairings: Loki X Reader

Warnings: Language, smut 😈

Summary: The aftermath of the Imposter Prince.

Here it is, the final chapter. I have to thank @michelleleewise one more time for inspiring me to take that leap and post this story. Thank you for all of the love, comments and reblogs..I never thought anyone would read my writing let alone commenting and sharing it! There is smut in this chapter, poorly written smut but smut none the less 🤣...I did my best lmao!

Thank you all so much again, enjoy the final chapter💚🖤

3 days. You’ve been by Loki’s bedside, for 3 days waiting for him to wake up.

You read to him and tell him about the comings and goings of the palace. Odin is waiting until Loki wakes before they begin trial. If he wakes..the healers are positive he will but they aren’t sure when he might finally open his eyes.

“You should take a break y/n”, you hear Thor talking behind you.

“I’m good, I’m keeping my ankle elevated and I can’t do anything with these broken wrists anyway.” You hold them up just to prove a point.

He laughs “very well, can I get you anything from the feast hall?”

“I’ll take a plate of whatever they’re serving, thank you” you smile.

“Don’t thank me y/n, if not for you my brother would have been lost to us, Elladan would’ve started a war that could’ve caused losses for both Asgard and Alfheim. I…we owe you so much.”

He didn’t give you time to respond he just walked out of the healing wing.

“Thought he’d never leave”

Great, you’re hearing shit now, you whip your head and around and what you see stops your heart. Loki is awake, he’s awake and smiling at you. Well smiling the best he can with his healing lips.

You release a deep exhale, relief flooding through you.

“Loki.” Annnndd you’re crying, your head falls next to the hand your are lightly holding and you sob.

“Hey, I’m alright. We’re alright.” He repeats until you can finally hear him.

You look up and you both lock eyes, you lean forward and place a light kiss on his lips. Holding back only because of the state of his lips after that horrible threading was removed.

You pull away and Loki’s eyes remain closed, he slowly opens them and stares at you. Tears slowly building in his eyes.

“I knew you would figure it out, I knew you would find me.” He hoarsely whispers.

You placed you forehead against his, “always. I will always find you.”

“And I will always find you, from this life until the next.” He leans in and kisses you now, this one lasting a little bit longer than the last.

Then you hear a throat being cleared.

You separate from Loki slowly and turn around and see a smiling Sif.

“It looks like you are healing well My Prince.” She smiles at the two of you knowingly.

“Yes, I have to say y/n is a very attentive healer.” He winks at you and looks over at Sif.

“Lady Sif, I must thank you for your assistance. You helped my beloved stop Prince Elladan from succeeding with his disastrous plan.You saved our lives, I am forever in your debt.” Sif is at a loss for words, Loki’s making her slightly emotional.

“Of course My Prince, to be honest I only decided to help because this one was very close to being locked up in the area of the healing wing for the mentally unwell.” Sif joked to change to mood.

“Oh please I wasn’t that bad, and even if I was acting a little crazy I was still right, so HA.”

You turn back to look at Loki and he is just staring at you with fondness in his eyes and a smile on his lips.

“When I am out of this bed we are going to have a proper conversation about…all of this” he confidently tells you.

“Yes My Prince.” You lean over and give him another kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 weeks have passed since Loki was moved out of the healing wing and into his room to finish healing. Eir has even stopped coming by daily for daily health checks. And to be fair, for the most part he is healed while you are still hobbling around on a broken ankle, thankfully you’re on Asgard so the healers can accelerate your healing some.

It has been an interesting few weeks. At first it was sad, there was a small ceremony for Liv, her family and friends all getting to say goodbye. No one held any grudge towards the girl, Elladan admitted to enchanting her to do what he wanted her to do during the trial that started shortly after Loki woke. He admitted to killing her as well, he smiled at you the whole time knowing how much Liv meant to you, the last bit of pain he could inflict. Elladan was sentenced to an eternity in Asgards dungeons for his crimes against Asgard, murder, kidnapping and impersonating a member of the royal family. If it wasn’t for the fact that Alfheim was still an ally of Asgard and if they hadn’t cooperated during Elladan’s trial, his sentence might have been different. But to keep the peace between realms it was decided he would be imprisoned instead of executed.

Now, you and Loki are sitting in his bedroom on his bed reading, enjoying some quiet time together.

You feel Loki’s fingers trailing up and down your thigh. You look over to him and see him looking at you with hunger in his eyes. A look you were recently introduced to and my goodness….was it a look. It made your legs feel like jelly and your stomach do backflips, and it makes you think back to just a few days ago, to the first time he looked at you that way….

~~~A few days ago~~~

After you were both released from the healing wing, you and Loki sat down discuss the changes in your relationship. What it means for you to be soulmates who are also soul bonded.

“So when did you figure out we were soulmates? You ask Loki as you are getting ready to eat dinner together in his rooms.

“Do you remember when you had fallen horribly ill on one of your first visits to Asgard because you insisted that you could handle Asgardian mead?” He asked you with a smile of fondness.

“Ugh…sort of, I remember puking all over my bathroom floor…. You’re telling me you realized I was your soulmate while you were holding my hair out of my face so I didn’t get vomit in it… Is that what you’re telling me?”

He laughs, “yes y/n, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. Would you like to know why?” Again he’s smiling at you like a lune.

“I’m almost afraid to say yes”. You hide your face, in your hands.

He pulls them off so he can look you in the eyes, “I knew in that moment, I wanted to spend the rest of eternity taking care of you. Keeping you safe and happy, the thought of being without you left me breathless. I didn’t want a day to go by without you in my life, whether it be just friends or someday maybe something more.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It seems silly now, considering what we just went through. But I thought to myself this was too good to be true, that you were too good to be true. I was afraid that you would reject me if I told you the truth, and I didn’t want to lose you. So I had to wait until you came to the same conclusion as me one day or I make peace with us being just friends. It did not matter how you were in my life, just as long as you were.”

He looks at you and continues, “as far as the bonding, well I performed the rights on your birthday last year. You see, all you needed to do was accept an enchanted gift from me and you had to accept it with your whole heart. To be honest I wasn’t sure if it worked, I wanted to ask you so many times if you felt any different after accepting the gift but I would lose my nerve. But you being able to see through Elladan’s illusion proves that the bonding was successful.”

You thought back to your birthday last year and the gift that Loki has given you, it was a beautiful dagger that he insisted you kept with you on Earth. He said that he wanted to protect you even all the way from Asgard.

“I wish you would’ve told me what was going on.” Tears are streaming down your face from his confession.

“My darling, all you needed to do was love me. That’s all I will ever ask you to do. I know it is a lot to ask, I am not the easiest to love, but please know that I will love you with everything that I am for eternity.” He looked at you with so much love it brought more tears to your eyes.

But then that look of love turned into a look of hunger..

You and Loki made love for the first time that night.

~~~Today~~~

Bringing yourself back to the present, Loki is looking at you with those same come hither eyes.. and you’re here for it.

“Is there something you needed My Prince.” You ask with an innocent voice.

“I believe you know vixen.” He all but growls at you.

“You’re insatiable.” You giggle in between kisses as you move to straddle his lap.

“And you’re beautiful.” He says seriously.

Your kiss gets more heated as his hands start to roam. You slowly start to grind your hips against his growing clothed erection. He starts to thrust his hips upward drawing a moan out of you. He rips off the dress you’re wearing exposing your breasts, he takes turns and shows attention to each one. Taking one nipple in his mouth and then the other, leaving trails of kisses and love bites along the way. You’re running your fingers through his black hair, moaning and getting hotter from all of the attention he’s giving you.

“I need you” he moans against your mouth.

You kiss him hard, “then take me My Prince.”

He flips you over so you’re on your back and kisses down your body until he reaches your hot core begging for his attention. He takes a moment, removes his shirt and dives right back in to your leaking pussy. Licking your slit up, down and alll the way around getting you close to your peak.

“Mm, Loki, I’m close”, you moan.

He stops for a moment and looks up at you ,“cum for me my love, let me hear you”, his tongue reconnects with your pussy and that’s all it takes.

You see stars, you’re screaming Loki’s name but everything is muffled. You’re numb, you’re on another planet. Planet orgasm. And Loki is the world leader.

You don’t even notice he’s removed his aching cock from his pants, he rubs himself against you, getting your juices all over him so he can easily slide into you.

He moans “oh my darling, I will never tire of that feeling. Breaching you, feeling my fat godly cock fill you to the hilt.”

He thrusts, hitting that sweet spot inside of you. He starts slow, passionate and intense and then starts to pick up the pace. You feel yourself getting close again and you begin to feel Loki’s cock start to twitch inside of you. He’s getting close too, you can feel it in his movements.

“Cum with me baby” you beg him.

He looks you in the eyes as he thrusts in and out of you at a more rapid, messy pace.

Your orgasm triggers after one particularly hard thrust and you feel his warm seed fill you not a moment after your orgasm rips through you. Both of you riding out your high together.

Out of breath, but not wanting to move Loki adjusts himself so he’s laying next to you, looking deep in your eyes.

“Marry me y/n.”

You stare at him for a moment to make sure you’re not hallucinating.

Seeing the doubt in your eyes, Loki holds out his fist and opens his hand. A ring sits inside of it.

“I never want there to be any doubt about us, I never want to be without you ever again. You are my love, my life, my dream. I’m nothing without you by my side. I beg of you y/n. Marry me. And when our time comes to be together in the stars, I will find you, and in our next life I will ask you again and again, and every lifetime after that to marry me.”

“Yes, yes Loki!” You kiss him. “I love you so much”.

“And I love you y/n, my soulmate.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later during the feast celebrating your engagement, Odin gifted you an apple of Idunn for your assistance with bringing the Alfheim Prince to justice and your part in rescuing Loki. The gift bringing Loki to tears, throwing his arms around his father for a strong embrace. Now he no longer had to worry about losing you too soon. Odin healing some of the wounds between him and his son. Not wanting to wait another moment, Loki cut a single piece of the apple and fed it to you, gifting you with a longer life with your soulmate.

During the feast Heimdall approaches you, “My Lady, congratulations on your impending wedding, I must say the transition after you consumed the golden apple is astounding.”

“Thank you Heimdall.” You respond politely, you still blush obviously, you’re engaged not dead.

“It seems your trip to the library that day was successful, it looks as though you found the answers you were looking for”, he smiles knowingly.

“It was you! You’re the one who gave me the book through that librarian!” You exclaim.

He doesn’t confirm it, he just smiles at you and walks away. The mystery of the golden eyed librarian solved.

Thor and Sif are whispering to each other at the main table, they’ve been courting in secret, not wanting to get Frigga’s hopes up..(too late).

After everything that happened, Sif didn’t want to waste any more time. She told Thor how she felt and was surprised to find that Thor had similar feelings for her.

Thor and Loki surprised you by bringing some of the Avengers to Asgard for the celebration. You love all of them but seeing Pepper made you emotional. The last few weeks had been very difficult, you were so happy about your change in status with Loki but getting to that point was trying. You missed Liv and you wished she was here celebrating with you and finally getting to meet the woman you told her so much about. But you know she would be happy for you and Loki so you think about that instead.

You were surrounded by the people that you love the most.

Everything was perfect, life was perfect and then a terrifying thought hit you.

“Shit…Pepper’s gonna have to find a new assistant.”

Loki’s eyebrows raise, “oh yes, she’s going to be quite upset….good luck with that darling.”

He quickly gets up from the table and makes his way over to Thor and Sif. You can’t help but smile. How could you not? You finally have your Prince, your best friend, your soulmate and soon to be your husband. Your life started out so lonely, no family, nothing, and now you have two families in two different worlds. You couldn’t feel happier and more fulfilled even if you tried.

The end.

@princess-asgard @claireeragy @lucylaufeyson3 @lokisgoodgirl @xorpsbane @huntress-artemiss

#loki #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki angst #loki x female reader #imagine loki #loki smut #loki x you #slow burn #friends to lovers #soulmates #soul bonds #loki fluff #loki imagine #loki odinson #loki series

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revvywevvy · 1 year

Note

I’m not gonna stop you from your Cheerful Chip fan fiction

Matter in fact To be honest I’m always wonder what kind of wonderful improved artful art than the last art will be with you and Chip will be

It’s just that I’m think there is a certain sad wet cat waiting on the porch metaphorically saying

But beside that, Your Art has improved over the time and I am glad to have witnessed it

-H/B Anon

P.s. I don’t know if the wording color is for you ,for me it’s Black

P.p.s. How bout role swap, our beloved Himbo and Bimbo as Toons and their beloved Chelly as a Cog (a tall Chelly is something )

hiiiiiiii nonny~ hehe thank you very much for all of the encouraging words, I appreciate it so much!!!! <3 don't worry, misty will get the braincell soon. however. for now we have more pressing things to discuss. the role swap au.

You got me going again SOOOO much lmao- Here they are!!!! The poly roleswapped!!! Unfortunately Chelly. does not get much taller lol She's just a bit taller than the tallest possible toon species'. Chelly is based on those cute little vacuums with the little faces on them. You've seen those before, right? If not please look them up they're so cute.

I'LL WRITE ALL THE INFO UNDER THE CUT BC THIS GETS VERY LONG <3

Chip is a wolf toon, and Misty is a sheep toon! Both ideas were by my lovely friend @photon-crest-art whose input I appreciate sooo much!!! her ideas got me going foaming at the mouth crazy over this role swap even more than I already was SDHGDSGHDSHS also tagging @frostbite-the-bat bc they also hyped me up a lot while I was in the process of making all these!!! <3

When it comes to the whole override thing, Chip just. Goes absolutely wild at night sometimes. He's a werewolf!!! But. literally since he's already a wolf. this was also photon's idea thank you photooooon heehee <3

Misty has her weather powers still! So she can still change weather phases and essentially smite people with lightning if they make her really mad lol

Unfortunately both toons are outcast because of their respective 'quirks'. However, to their surprise, one person does support them through it all! They weren't expecting it to be this absolute nervous wreck of a cog who is, surprisingly, very very silly and toon-like! She clings to them like glue, but they appreciate it so much!! I feel like toon Chip and toon Misty would both be very sad very lonely toons, perhaps becoming more prone to bouts of low laff and poor health as such from such a poor mental state. However, they've got each other now and Chelly too!! Just like how the normal toon Chelly's health was pretty shit due to her mental state but improved having Chip and Misty around, she's now able to pay that love back ten-fold in this au!! Hehe it always comes back to 'love heals' with me <3

OH YES AND I WROTE CHELLY'S COG STATS!!!! a. and potential bossfight cutscenes. um. yeah. I went a little overboard haha. these cutscenes are uh. I think they're longer than the ones in-game??? I. don't know. I think they are. sorry not sorry >u<

Manager Chelly

The Mechanician

Location: “Pain, Pain, Go Away” Mechanical Clinic, Sunflower Street [Daffodil Gardens]

Cog Overview

Department | Bossbot

Position | Regional Manager

HP | 4800

Defense | 65

Lvl | 26.mgr

Lowest Damage | 25

Highest Damage | 31

Real Name | Eureka Numa “Chelly” Honeywell

Honorifics | Dr. / Ms. / Mx.

Employee ID | 01899

Likes | Tinkering, Cute and Soft Things, Comfortable Silence, Singing

Dislikes | Unwarranted Judgement, Violence (Most of the Time), Social Overstimulation

Content Sync

100 Laff Soft Cap (107 Max)

All Gags Permitted

Pink Slips restricted

Opening Cutscene

The Toons enter the doors at the far back of the building, leading them to the real cog clinic inside. The Mechanician is seen speaking to a Flunky. Neither cog seems to notice their approach, as they are focused on their consultation while the Toons get closer.

“...and that should do it then, little sprout!”

“Are you sure this is alright, Ms. Honeywell? Wouldn’t the Chairman get angry over that?”

At the Flunky’s concerns, the Mechanician fiddles with her hands. She shakes her head before re-addressing the Flunky.

“...R-Right. He may see it as ‘slacking’, but… well. You know how I feel about that. Just… try to heed my instructions to the best of your ability.”

“Whatever you have the room to do, okay, bud? Remember, your health comes first.”

“Yes, ma’am! Thank you again.”

The Flunky begins to fly away, and with a nod, she sees him off.

“Of course. Come back any time!”

The Mechanician sighs, shaking her head.

“Ugh. You’d think that man-baby would realize sooner… without us all, he’s…-”

She trails off, turning upon noticing the Toons. She startles, letting out a squeak at their presence, but tries to relax herself to make conversation with them.

“Ah! T-Toons?! Uh- Ahem.”

“Um… hello there! Are you… perhaps here for a check-up? I apologize, but… um, ahaha.. I-I only know how to treat cogs.”

“Unless you… have an appliance in need of fixing? I can do that too…”

The Toons get angry. The Mechanician pulls her hands up to her chest, taking a few steps back, clearly nervous.

“Eep! O-Okay, message received… U-Um… oh, look! Is that, um, a doodle pup?”

The Mechanician gestures behind the toons. The Toons turn around to look, all confused when they see nothing. The Mechanician begins tip-toeing away while they’re distracted. One toon looks back at her and exclaims as they see her try to sneak away. She yelps and breaks into a panicked sprint, running off into another, much larger room room further in the building. The Toons make chase.

She runs into a storage room and to an emergency escape door. However, before she reaches it, a stick of TNT thrown by a toon lands in front of the door. She startles and stumbles away from it before it explodes. The exit is now unusable. She turns, and the toons have caught up to her.

“Oh no… wait, h-hold on..! Surely we can talk things out civilly, r-right?! I… I really don’t want to fight you!”

The Toons refuse and begin to approach, the Mechanician backing up towards the wall as they close in.

“N-No, please!! I don’t want to hurt anyone… please don’t make me! I… someone, help!!”

The Mechanician reaches into her pocket, pulling out a panic button and pressing it with shaking hands. Once she does, two cogs promptly fly into the room, landing at the Mechanician’s sides. The battle begins.

Ending Cutscene (Mercy)

The Mechanician reaches to her power core, hand hovering over it shakily. She is clearly in immense pain, her panic now reaching a boiling point as she realizes how injured she really is. Suddenly, her hands clench into fists and she quakes through the pain, knocking the toons off their feet. The quake doesn’t damage the toons, however.

“STOP!!!! THAT.. IS QUITE.. ENOUGH!!!”

She shakes her head, pulling her hands to her chest protectively and looking at the Toons as they rise to their feet.

“Why…?! I’ve been clear from the beginning that I didn’t want to fight! But… B-But you just won’t LISTEN!”

Her hands rise, holding her head in distress.

“Wh-What do you even get from this… from hurting me?!”

The Toons do nothing.

“I… I get it. This war. It… must be so stressful on you. On all of you.”

“B-But… I’ve been careful… so, so careful!”

The Mechanician turns her head, looking away from the toons for a moment before turning back to them.

“I… I know we’re *supposed* to fight toons, but… I’ve never seen the point. All of this violence is ridiculous to me.”

“All I’ve ever wanted was to stay on the sidelines, and to help those who were hurt.”

“I mean… I’ve never even gone out and fought toons before, anyhow! ...So… why? W-Why me?”

The Toons do nothing.

“...Ah. So that’s why. You see me as a threat… because of what I do for my fellow suits?”

The Mechanician shakes her head in disappointment.

“Have you Toons ever put yourselves in a Suit’s shoes? A-At least… just for a moment?”

“If you did, you’d understand. I… I understand the plight you Toons go through.”

“However, you’re not the only ones suffering. Whether they fall low or high on the chain of command… we all hurt, just the same.”

She pauses, wincing in pain herself. She’s visibly twitching and glitching out.

“Wh-What, do you think we deserve for our pain to stick forever? That no-obody should help us when we’re hurt?”

“......”

“Could you i-i-imagine it yourself? Feeling like gravity’s about to crush you… i-into small, mushy, toony bits?”

“Where… where all yo-o-ou can do is panic, and hope? Because, at th-that point, there’s nothing you can do? No way to mov-ve, or call out… or anything.”

“...You’d want your fe-ellow toons to help you when you’re hur-ur-hurt and scared, wouldn’t you?”

The Toons do nothing.

“...Right. I’d h-hope so. At the mo-oment it may be all f-fun and games… and I wish it st-stayed that way. B-B-But we.. all know that isn’t the case.”

The Mechanician sighs, twitching more heavily than before.

“...”

“W-Well… perhaps this experience has.. given you some food for thought.”

The Mechanician pauses, seeing an opening in the roof from the battle. She looks at the Toons one last time, expression saddened.

“Now… i-if… if you’ll ex-excuse me. Seems… this repairwoman… n-needs some repairing, herself. Please… if you can help it… d-don’t come back.”

The Mechanician moves to fly away, but one of the toons walks ahead of the group, pausing near her. She pauses, watching the toon for a moment, before nodding.

“It’s okay, I understand. I-I-IIIIIIIIIII-”

“..I forgive you.”

The Mechanician flies away.

Ending Cutscene (Defeat)

“STOP!!!! THAT.. IS QUITE.. ENOUGH!!!”

She shakes her head, pulling her hands to her chest protectively and looking at the Toons as they rise to their feet.

“Why…?! I’ve been clear from the beginning that I didn’t want to fight! But… B-But you just won’t LISTEN!”

Her hands rise, holding her head in distress.

“Wh-What do you even get from this… from hurting me?!”

The Toons attack.

“Gh-!! ……Heartless… y-you’re all heartless!”

The Mechanician pauses, seeing an opening in the roof from the battle. She looks at the Toons one last time, expression disgusted.

“I see now… w-why the Chairman insists we fight you T-T-Toons. You’re just as cr-cruel as some of those suits can be.”

The Mechanician flies away.

Notes

[Sorry no specific Cheats past the usual ‘Cog Capacity’ and ‘Lure Resistance’ ones because my brain is kind of melting right now lol. Also no specific damages listed with each attack besides what I already said above about the minimum and maximum for the same reason.]

Another note about cheats, I know for certain she’d have a sort of healing cheat. Knowing her personality she’d end up healing herself, her allies AND the toons. She just wanna be frens :(

Attacks

Guilt Trip

Water Cooler

Brain Storm

Rolodex

Her employee ID is based on the approximate year the first motorized vacuum was invented.

Excluding her nickname "Chelly", her first, middle and last name are all based on various companies that produce vacuums.

I was initially going to have it that all rewards could be used, but with how cog Chelly is, she'd do anything to ensure that pink slips wouldn't be used. She thinks the canons would hurt the cogs, or that someone, toon or cog, might get hit in the crossfire.

also that 3rd drawing, the transparent one. sticker :)))))))))))

22 notes · View notes

bluestripedspeedo · 2 years

Text

Indiscreet - 04. On the Riviera Pairing: Writer/Producer!Javi Gutierrez x you (Hollywood AU) SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter summary: You give Javi the cold shoulder and he confronts you. Chapter warning: Single appearance OCs. Grown up talks about mental health. Inappropriate, unwanted touching (not by Javi). We're getting a little hot here (with Javi). 18+ only, please! Word count: 7,3k

Playlist: Wildest Dreams (Duomo cover)Gold Rush (Instrumental)Dream Violin - Craig Armstrong Gold Coast Sunset - Justin Hurwitz

✧✧✧

FEBRUARY Two days later Day 1

Rows and rows of villas sprawl below you as you watch a convoy of big black cars pulling into a driveway of one of the massive estates, its staff already lined up waiting to welcome the owners. The pink chateau sitting on the top of the hill where you are is lovelier than you remembered. You’re sipping on your lemonade while your hair and makeup team work on you for the night shoot, grateful for the slight change in weather although it’s getting windy fast. You remember being here a couple of winters ago, it was much quieter, just you and…

“Hi.”

You look up and shield your eyes with your hand, forgetting that you are indoors and the sun isn’t high up anymore. Javi is standing over you.

“Hi,” you choke out.

You were woken up late last night to a frantic call from a PA. You had deliberately ignored your phone for the entire day, wanting to be disconnected before you’d have to see him again on set soon. But instead of continuing to sulk in bed like you’d planned, you ended up having to pack your entire wardrobe because of the location manager’s error. You weren’t supposed to go to the South of France until next week, but the other chateau that Óscar was supposed to film at was double booked and the couple who was going to have a wedding there couldn’t move dates. So you had spent the morning frantically fitting everything into your suitcase to make it to a flight three hours away.

Between the chaos, your phone ran out of power. When you finally touched down in Nice, you were busy trying to find your assigned driver without a phone that you forgot to charge on the plane because you fell asleep the whole way over. Your lack of French didn’t help, either. And then you were driven straight to the set where you hurried to relearn your lines on the way.

You haven’t had any time to think about Javi again after last night. You were almost grateful to be busy as a distraction… until now.

“Did you get my texts?”

He seriously has the audacity? “Didn’t have time to check my phone,” you shrug.

He sits on a vacant chair next to you. Please, not now. “Doesn’t matter. We’re both here. Crazy, isn’t it? You should’ve seen Óscar losing his shit when he found out. Never seen him like that.”

“Poor guy,” you suck your teeth, meaning the location manager who you usually see every day, but is definitely not here now.

“So,” he starts, keeping his voice casual. “Have you seen where you’re staying yet?”

“Nope.”

“It’s pretty great.”

K. Good to know, you think. “Lucky me.”

“Have you seen the garden?” he continues, not noticing your disinterest.

“Long time ago.”

“Come walk with me.”

“It’s closed.”

“I can ask them to let us through.”

Of course he can. He’s the reason you’re all here, because he’s pulling favors left and right so that filming would still be finished right on schedule. You wouldn’t be surprised if he knew the people who own or manage this place. Maybe he’s even one of them.

“We’re kind of busy here,” you gesture to your hair and makeup ladies.

“We’re actually almost done, if you want to go,” one of them tries to be helpful. Shut up. I don’t. You know she means well so you just smile at her.

“No, it’s fine. I need to learn my lines anyway.”

“I’ll help you. Come on.”

You huff out and surrender, not wanting to make a scene. He definitely knows how to work this in his favor too. It’s not like you could continue giving him the cold shoulder in front of the crew without raising questions. And you couldn’t say no to one of the producers asking you for a private discussion without appearing difficult. You begrudgingly get up after your hair is secured and walk out the gilded doors ahead of him.

“You can’t even see anything here,” you grumble when you trip over small rocks for the fifth time. You’ve been walking for ten minutes without talking to each other and now the sky is completely dark. “I’m going back.”

You turn around and his hands grab your arm to hold you in place. “Just… one second.”

“What do you want?”

“I know you got my texts. And calls. You’re always on your phone.”

“And what about it?”

“Is something wrong, babe? Why are you ignoring me?”

“Don’t– Are you fucking serious right now?” You yank your arm from him and walk away and you hear his heavier footsteps following you. “No, I– just stop. Leave me alone.”

To his credit, he leaves you alone for the rest of the night.

Unfortunately, when you get to the hotel you find out that Javi had taken the liberty to put the three of you in the villa instead of the main building with the rest of the cast and crew. You’d been looking forward to locking yourself away in the privacy of your room all day… you still have your own room, of course, but it still means you’ll be running into him every single day and night.

At least Óscar offers to switch the master bedroom with you so you could have the bathtub, and that means he’ll be on the same floor with Javi, not you. So that’s one advantage.

✧✧

Day 3

Javi wishes he had stayed back at the hotel. Correction: he wishes Óscar had said no to you instead of making everyone go to this stupid yacht party thrown by some fuckhead who is now flirting with you. He can’t fathom why you’re giving him a silent treatment. It’s been five days since that night you ran into each other at Annabel’s. You don’t even talk to him on set anymore, leaving all communications to Óscar and PAs. Even back at the villa you always act like he’s not there if Óscar isn’t around too. What happened? Did you suddenly realize you could do better than him overnight? Or you realized you could be with guys your age instead? He’d respect your decision but he’d appreciate a heads-up so he wouldn’t have to witness whatever this is. You couldn’t have been mad at him for taking a rain check on the date. You two had ended up in the same place anyway. So wha–

“Do you need to be somewhere?” The beautiful tall brunette with a pseudo French-Transatlantic accent next to him asks. Kelsea, if he remembers correctly. No, that doesn’t sound right. Kelly. Cassie?

You’ve introduced her to him and Óscar when you arrived. Apparently you have been friends for a few years but haven’t seen her in a while. She had reached out when she saw you posting on location and invited the entire cast when you told her why you’re here. “A proper welcome back,” you had told Óscar over this morning’s breakfast. “And she’s a big fan of yours so please please please come.”

“No, why?”

“You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Sorry. Long day.” He clears his throat. “Nice boat.”

“Thanks. It was my grandpa’s.”

He nods, uninterested.

“Would you like a tour?”

“Sure.” It beats hearing you laugh at whatever the tool just said.

He silently follows Karlie - no, that’s someone else - around and appropriately nods every time she tells him a tidbit about this custom made yacht that has no business being the size of a small country. It’s even bigger than his own back in Mallorca. Eventually they reach the game room where Óscar is playing pool, obliterating his poor opponent. At least someone is having fun. “Where have you been?”

Javi shrugs and grabs a bottle of beer. “Around.”

“What are you grumpy about?”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Go, grab a stick.”

✧

You finally, finally have alone time to yourself tonight. You didn’t mind being introduced to rounds and rounds of new people, but now you need to recharge. You grab a flute of champagne at the bar and wander throughout the yacht until you find Óscar and Javi on the upper deck playing pool. Empty glasses and bottles scatter the room, a few guests that still remain walk in and out to gather their belongings and get their last drinks, waiting for the much smaller boats to take them back to the pier. The party is winding down and you want to get them so you can leave.

“There you are! Come!” Óscar’s voice booms. “Take Javi’s, he sucks.”

You take the cue from Javi and notice he doesn’t look particularly happy. Not that you should care, obviously. Javi walks away from you and takes a seat against the wall right behind Óscar.

“I was just telling him to lighten up.” Óscar tells you.

“Why? What happened?” You chalk the tip of your cue.

“Don’t know, he’s just been quiet this whole night. Weird.”

“I’m literally right here,” Javi grunts.

“This is weird too. What is going on here?” You’ve never given much thought about how a pool table would work on an ever-swaying boat, but now you see that it literally follows the movements like water while the flat surface and balls remain stationary. It’s fascinating.

“Right? You should get one of these,” Óscar says to Javi. “Anyway, your friend Camille tried to talk to him and he ignored her the whole time.”

Camille! That’s it.

“Ouch,” you glance at him in fake playfulness. You’re already exhausted from filming and this party, but the show has to go on. As far as Óscar is concerned, there’s nothing wrong between you and Javi, an act that you drop whenever he’s not around.

“That’s a MILF right there. He’s so fucking dumb.”

You gleefully cackle as Javi makes a disgruntled face. She’s a MILF, all right. If there’s anyone on earth whose looks you envy it’s either her or Elise.

“Ava would love hearing that,” Javi chides Óscar.

“She’d agree with me. I’m not saying I would, but I’m saying she would be good for you.”

“I have to agree with Óscar, I mean, she’s fucking gorgeous.” You play along. No harm in it, and you can’t even be jealous. Camille is the ultimate girl’s girl - she’d never go for someone if her friends are already eyeing them. You might not see her often, but you trust her with anything.

“See?”

“Fine. She is.” Javi slumps dejectedly. It’s the truth, although he’s not interested.

“Go and find her, then. God knows when’s the last time you got laid.”

“C’mon, man.” Javi looks around hoping no one overheard that.

“Your loss.”

The three of you are deep in your own bubble; Javi’s on his phone to look busy, Óscar’s knocking back his drink and giving you tips, and as tired as you are, there’s no way you’re going to let Óscar win. You’re taking position to shoot when you feel an unfamiliar hand snake around you and another slides down your back. Your eyes widen when you realize what’s happening.

“I’ll show you,” a slurred voice murmurs into your ear.

“I’m good.” You swat away the hand on your waist and scoot closer to Óscar, whose guards immediately go up and he shields you behind him. You briefly see Javi’s eyes quickly filled with anger as he stares down the newcomer. “I got it.”

“Mmmmkay. Or I can show you something else.” He staggers forward to side-step Óscar to get to you, but Óscar stops him with the tip of his cue to his chest.

“Move along.” You can’t see Óscar’s face, but you can hear the anger in his voice. The guy doesn’t budge and Óscar taps his chin, leaving a chalk mark. “I’m not gonna tell you twice.”

Just fucking poke his eyes out, Javi thinks.

“What’s your problem?” The intruder sizes Óscar up, his eyes red and unfocused.

“You mean her problem?” Óscar challenges back.

“You don’t have a problem, do you, sweet cheeks?”

As if right on cue, Javi sees the same tall guy who was flirting with you earlier comes bounding towards where you’re all gathered. His hand grabs the back of the guy’s neck to roughly shove him aside away from you and Óscar. Two uniformed staff catch him and drag him out of sight. But it doesn’t make him feel better. He should’ve come to your defense, instead of just sitting there glaring like a coward.

“Fuck off, Felix!” Kylian shouts and he goes over to you. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You manage to choke out.

“I’m gonna get you some water.” Kylian touches your arm and you nod weakly.

“I’ll see him out!” Kelly calls out to him from across the room and you see her retreating back. You stand there with a blank look on your face, staring straight at Óscar, as you feel Kylian wrap a jacket around you.

✧

Javi looks back at you from the front seat of the car. “Are you okay?”

You nod a yes. You lean forward and fold your arms on the back of Óscar’s seat, resting your chin on it.

“I should’ve said something.”

“People like him…” you sigh. “Well, once word gets out why he got kicked out, he’s done being invited to these things.”

“That’s good to know,” Óscar says gruffly.

“Yeah. Kylian is gonna make sure everyone he knows knows. And what he says always goes.”

Javi sits in silence.

“And anyway, it was a great party, right? You guys enjoyed yourselves.”

“Except this loser right here,” Óscar relaxes and glances at Javi. “Can’t believe you didn’t hit that.”

“If it’d make you feel better, she wasn’t interested either,” you say dryly. Óscar barks out a laugh and you don’t try to hide your smug smile at Javi’s expression. “No, seriously. It’s complicated enough with her ex and kid.”

Even without her situation, Camille already knows that you have - had - a crush on Javi and she wouldn’t do anything to disrespect that. Bless her heart for trying to keep him company while he was shooting daggers at you earlier. Yeah, you felt that in the back of your head. He’s impossible to ignore.

“Thank you,” Javi says sarcastically. You didn’t say that to hurt his ego, but hey, if it works…

You lay back down on your seat to let the wind blow your hair. “But, she likes you guys, and said we’re free to drop by her place anytime we want. It’s that one, actually.” You point to a mansion on top of a hill that no one would be able to miss from wherever they’re looking from.

Óscar whistles. “How do you know them anyway?”

“Camille and I met by chance a few years ago. In a spinning class, of all places. Kylian…” You sneak a quick glance at Javi who’s intently looking straight ahead. “He was a few grades above me but we went to the same school once. I don’t really keep up with my schoolmates anymore, so it was nice meeting someone familiar, you know?”

“He seems like a good guy.” Óscar says sincerely.

“Yeah, he is.”

“Do you want to take the day off tomorrow?” Óscar looks at you from the rearview mirror.

“I really am fine, Óscar. It’s nothing.”

“If you say so. Whatever you need, just let me know.”

You look out to the darkened endless body of water in the distance. You suddenly feel heavier than you’ve been the days before. You hear Óscar and Javi conversing in Spanish for the rest of the drive, but you don’t bother listening in despite grasping a little bit more of the language now. You’re tired. You are so, so tired.

✧✧

Day 6

You perk up to the sound of your door being opened with a click and you bolt to grab a bathrobe. Aren’t you alone here…? Did Óscar order food for you? But the butler always knocks first and didn’t you hang a Do Not Disturb sign, as you do every time you’re inside? You pop your head out of the bathroom and prepare to reprimand him for his manners. Instead, you see Javi standing in the middle of your bedroom.

“Hey. Is everything fine with you?” He walks towards you and you step back.

You tighten your robe. “What’s it to you? Get out.”

“Please tell me what’s going on? It’s been a week, honey.” He looks like a mess. Like he’s been missing out on sleep for exactly that long. His hair is unkempt, there are dark circles under his eyes, and his scruff has grown out.

You scrunch your nose at the endearment. He’s got to be joking if he thought using pet names would bend you to his will. “Really? Please leave my room, I need to rest.”

“Just… say something… else. Anything. I don’t understand.” His tone turns exasperated now. “Do you even want this anymore? I miss you and–”

You turn to him and your voice shakes. “This? And what is this? Fooling around while we’re working behind your best friend’s back? Showing up only when it’s convenient for you? You left me out in the cold, waiting, and you want to know why I’m not talking to you? Is that so hard for you to understand? Are you fucking kidding me?”

He’s taken aback at your answer. “Where? At Annabel’s? I didn’t leave you.”

You scoff. “Don’t give me excuses, please, it’s sad enough you only asked me out because you pity me.”

“What? Where is all this coming from?”

“Just stop,” you plead. “You could’ve at least not done it in public.”

“I told you it was a meeting–”

“YOU LEFT ME WAITING ON THE SIDEWALK FOR HALF AN HOUR!”

Javi is silent for a few moments. What are you talking about? “Baby, what do you mean? I thought you’d left.”

You look at each other in confusion, so silent that you can hear each other’s breaths. “WHAT?!”

“You told the hostess to tell me that you weren’t feeling well and you already went home.”

What the– “...what?”

“That’s what she said.”

“And you didn’t think to ask me yourself?” You cannot believe what you’re hearing. “Are you dumb?!”

Javi internally agrees. Yeah, that was dumb and shortsighted. “You did look tired, babe…”

“Stop calling me that. Did I look tired to you? I ca–” You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Somebody lied. You, her, someone else, I don’t know!”

“I have no defense here, ba– I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I really thought you just wanted to get home.”

You try to make sense of his recollection to yours. Why would a hostess speak on your behalf? You didn’t say anything to anyone, and even if you wanted to say something, you’d tell him directly. It doesn’t make sense. Who saw you? Was the doorman in on it too?

“Did you say anything to anyone when you left?”

“No.”

“Not even the doorman?”

“The doorman? Why would I do that?”

“He knew I was looking for you when I waited.”

Javi ponders. Who else saw him? And how did they know?

“I need to think.” You snap. “I need to sleep, and think.”

✧✧

Day 7

You wake up face down the next morning. Last night you ordered a bottle of the cheapest white wine on the menu once you’d exhausted the minibar supplies, just to help you sleep fast and deep. You didn’t need to drown in your emotions while your thoughts weren’t sorted yet. You still don’t know what to make of what Javi said. It’s very strange.

After you take an indulgent bath, you walk into the kitchen and find Javi sitting there, the clicking of his phone’s keypad loud enough to echo throughout the large space. You’d have to tell him how to turn that off. You were expecting to be alone this morning because Óscar and Javi usually have already left by this time. The usual breakfast spread was already cleared out, replaced by a selection of burger and fries, cobb salad, sashimi, tiramisu, tarte tropezienne, and so many other small bites you gloss over.

“Morning,” Javi starts. “I took the liberty to order… everything, basically. I don’t know what you’d be in the mood for.”

You side eye him and open the fridge to get your overnight oats. A fresh box of macarons and an untouched glass of chocolate milkshake are waiting for you inside. All your comfort foods, basically. He did well. Javi’s attentive, you’ll give him that.

“What are you doing today?” Javi asks while you eat.

“Going to Camille’s. You?”

“Nothing. Thought I’d talk to you again.”

“Okay,” you gulp. You’ve thought about your situation with him, albeit not as thoroughly as you’d like, so you haven’t come up with how to segue into it. And, it still doesn’t make sense.

“How are you?”

“I… still have a few things to think about.”

He hums in understanding. “I remember one thing now. Your friend. She was outside smoking.”

“...oh?”

“Yeah. I’m not gonna accuse her blindly of anything, but, convenient, don’t you think?”

You don’t know what to think. You barely understand how all this happened to begin with. Javi reaches forward and takes your hand in his.

“I’d never leave you out in the cold like that, trust me. That’s not the kind of person I am. I’m sorry that I took someone else’s word for yours, and I should’ve checked in on you.”

You study his eyes, and see the sincerity in them. He looks pained.

“May I drive you? To Camille’s?”

“Okay.” You finally give him a small smile after a long week, and Javi considers it a triumph. He’s missed you.

✧

Javi goes out to the vast balcony for a smoke. He checks his watch and sees that it’s already half past ten. He’s been here for much longer than he has the patience to be. He’d driven you to Camille’s villa for what he thought would just be lunch, so he didn’t hesitate accepting her invitation to join in. Then lunch turned into going for an afternoon dip in the sea and a shopping trip in Cannes while he waited for them in her smaller yacht, occupied with a business call. Then it turned into early dinner back at the villa and people started arriving for an impromptu party Camille and Kylian decided to throw. Óscar has let him take the day off as long as he promised to look after you, but now he’s had his fill of being the only middle aged man in the midst of 20- and 30-year olds. He cannot take another conversation about his old life or their fawning over his recent successes.

Nor could he take another second of dudes flirting with you. Again. He’s pulling out his pack of cigarettes when Camille appears at his side and interrupts him.

“Try my dad’s cigars.” She points to a box on the table by the door and he opens it, finding the stack full. He lights one up and offers to light another for her.

“Oh, no. I don’t smoke. I just like offering these to people, just to tell my dad what they think. So…?”

Javi takes a drag and exhales. “Best I’ve ever had.”

She smiles in satisfaction. “Hey, mind if I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Are you two together?”

Javi looks away from her, his gaze lands at the parked boats and twinkling lights on the horizon and he pretends to contemplate his cigar. “Who?”

“Are you gonna pretend you haven’t been looking at her all night? That you’re not mingling inside because you’re jealous?”

“I’ve just spent hours indulging people asking me about financial tips,” Javi squints at her.

“Uh huh. But it’s not just now, it’s the other night too. And you’re out here because you don’t want to see her getting my brother’s attention again.”

Javi scoffs. “She can talk to anyone she wants.”

“Don’t worry. He doesn’t like her that way. I’ve asked.” Camille sizes him up. “I know that she likes you too. I just want to know how… genuine you are.”

Javi raises his eyebrows at her and takes a long drag. He feels relief and doubt at the same time, but he’s getting annoyed by her prying. “What’s it matter to you, Camille?”

“I don’t know if she’s told you about her ex, but he wasn’t exactly the best person. I don’t want it to happen to her again. And you’re older and–” He shakes his head, softly laughing to himself. “If you two were together I’d want to know that you’re not taking advantage of her.”

Now she’s pissing him off. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is, a little.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you’re such close friends.”

“We were once.” Before Javi could come up with another jab he hears your giggle from the pool and he grimaces. “I don’t mean harm, Javi. You don’t have to be defensive. I actually care about her, that’s all.”

He knows she’s being honest. He’s being an asshole, he knows that… not only tonight but on her yacht too. Just like she said. Most of your friends that he’s met or heard of haven’t impressed him much. They’re too showy, too self-centered, too ridiculous. He has to admit that he’d assumed Camille would be just the same before he even met her in person, but he stands corrected.

“Yeah,” he rolls the cigar around his fingers and clears his throat. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“I understand.”

Javi nods in acknowledgement and contemplates before asking. “That guy that… from the other night. Who was he?”

“A friend of Kylian’s friend. He’s taken care of.”

Whatever that means.

“Has that happened to her before? That you’ve seen?” You’re entirely too calm and quiet about the incident. Why didn’t you defend yourself? He knows he should ask you instead of your friend first, but he can’t help himself.

“Eh, a few times.”

“A few times?!” He recoils.

“Yeah,” Camille says wistfully. “Just female things, you know? It’s a rite of passage at this point. Can’t really do anything about it. There will always be guys like that. You have touchy fans too, right? You know what it’s like.”

“No, not the same.” Javi takes another long drag. It’s unfair, and there are too many similar incidents in the industry, and it shouldn’t be ‘a rite of passage’.

“Fuck me, it’s cold.” Your voice breaks the awkward pause. Javi is stunned to see you soaking wet from head to toe. “I got thrown into the pool,” you explain. “I need to borrow your clothes.”

“Okay, come with me.” Camille takes you by the arm. “Nice talking to you, Javi.”

“What were you guys talking about?” He hears you ask Camille quietly as you’re walking back inside the house.

✧

An hour later, Javi decides to go back inside where he grabs a few water bottles for the drive back to the villa. The party is winding down and the house is almost quiet. He’s about to text you to meet him in the car when he overhears a group of people by the foyer, a guy with a thick French accent being the loudest.

“–with Kylian. No fucking shame.”

“She’s gotta be with that old guy. Why else was he here?” A different guy chimes in. American, Javi thinks.

“Aren’t they filming together?”

“Yeah, but they didn’t tell us what kind of movie.” The American snarks.

“Wardrobe optional. I bet.” Barking laughter between them follows. Javi is fuming. He told everyone who asked what he’s working on - they are purposely mocking you.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re fucking. He’s a director, right? Actresses fuck directors all the time for roles.” Javi can’t believe what he’s hearing. Way to set feminism back a few decades, woman.

“She has to be. She’s fucking boring.”

“She would say, ‘depressed’”. The woman chimes in again. Vile, this one.

“Hah, you believe that? She just wanted Gabriel’s attention”

“I feel sorry for Kylian. Gabriel’s sloppy seconds? He could do better.”

“If that wasn’t a lie. She’s just a gold digger. At least she’s not ugly like the last one.”

“This one’s not much, either.” The woman’s tone is laced with so much venom and Javi sees red. He turns to find another exit and finds you standing, frozen in place.

✧

Javi follows you back into the villa, intentionally walking a few paces behind and putting a distance between you. How should he approach this? He knows what they were saying is false. But he has one question… not like he could ask you in your state of mind right now. He’s surprised you’re even civil to him all day, though that might have been for show.

You go into your bedroom and kick your shoes off, and before you could close the door on him he reaches for you and envelopes you in his arms. He feels you take a deep, shaky breath and he holds you tighter, burying his face into your neck in comfort. Instead of breaking free from his grasp, you fall further into his embrace.

“I’m sor–” Javi murmurs on your shoulder and is cut short by you letting go and closing the door behind him. You lead the way further into the room.

“I don’t wanna be alone tonight.” You sit him on the corner of your bed while you take your time changing into something more comfortable. When you’re done, you get on the bed and pull him towards you.

Javi is speechless. You’re distant all week and now you’re pulling him into bed? What’s going on?

You start with a sigh and your hands shake. “So, um… just for the record, I’ve never gone out with anyone for their money. Ever. And I don’t want Kylian or his, just so you know. And uh, I’d never lie about being depressed. It happened, I went to therapy, and that’s all in the past, distant past. I don’t even know how they knew about that, but anyway… um, it might come and go, in the future, who knows, you know? So I just wanna let you know… if that’s not a thing you want to deal with later.

And, well, obviously I don’t sleep around for jobs, but you already know that.”

Javi pulls you into his arms again and keeps you there. I’m sorry, he kisses the top of your head, telling you he didn’t believe any of their gossip anyway. I’m sorry, he kisses your forehead with apologies for leaving you and not standing up for you the other night. I’m sorry, he kisses your fingers and admits he doesn’t know how to make it up to you.

He’ll never forget the nervous tremble of your lips when you bury your face into his clavicle. You’re so hurt, and there’s nothing he could do except be here for you. He tightens his arms around you, letting you calm down and even your breathing.

Minutes pass and you let go of him, sitting up on the bed. “You can’t really stay, can you?”

Javi lets out a sigh of defeat, his heart heavy with disappointment too. “He’s upstairs.”

“Yeah. You should go.”

“Will you be fine alone?”

You nod. “I’ll manage. It’s not worth it if he starts wondering.”

“See you in the morning, ba– um. ‘Night.”

✧✧

Day 8

“You coming to set today?” Óscar asks Javi over breakfast on the terrace.

“That depends. I might drop by later.”

“Going somewhere else today?”

“Maybe.”

“Late night last night?”

“Yeah.” Silence falls over them. Honestly, Javi is too tired this morning to have any kind of conversation. He has a lot to think about and not enough sleep to clear his head.

“Morning,” Óscar says as you pull out the chair next to him. Did something happen yesterday? Javi is uncharacteristically not chatty and you’re avoiding looking at his direction. A stark difference from the previous days where breakfast was always lively.

“You have to come to set tomorrow. It’s the last day,” he says to Javi before turning to you. “Cast and crew dinner right after. Bring your friends if you want.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll tell them.”

The rest of breakfast is in silence, which makes it look even odder to Óscar. What happened? Did you not enjoy Javi’s company off set? Or did you feel like Javi was being tasked as a chaperone for you and you couldn’t fully enjoy your time off?

“I gotta go,” Óscar chugs the remainder of his juice, saving his questions for later. “Take care.”

Javi reaches for your hand once Óscar is safely out of the driveway. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah.” You had a loooooong night. Instead of going straight to sleep and saving the emotions for another day, you ended up heatedly texting Anya to clarify Javi’s (and your) suspicion. Suffice to say, she didn’t deny anything. Why she did all that, you could only guess.

But it’s a new day in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Your troubles will wait ‘til you’re back home.

“I was thinking… I just want to swim this morning. Relax a bit. Then Èze in the afternoon, see the sunset?”

“Sounds great to me.”

You note Javi’s tired eyes, guessing he missed a few hours of rest too. “You can nap while I swim.”

And so he does.

But not before taking a peek at what you’re wearing.

✧

Javi finally feels relaxed for the first time since he arrived here. Who knew a day out in a cactus garden could be therapeutic? To be honest, that’s only because it’s with you. And, you’re already talking to him normally again. Like nothing is at odds between the two of you. He’s tempted to ask what changed overnight, but if it ain’t broke…

The entire day you play with his curls, tug his hand along, rest your head on his shoulder while watching the sunset. Dare he say it’s pretty much a date?

Once back at the villa you pull him into your room again and wrap your arms around his neck, lips brushing his. Javi is stunned, to say the least.

“Hi,” he looks down at you in amusement.

“Hi,” you reply nervously.

“You feel all better?” You answer him with a nod. “Good. It killed me that you were avoiding me.”

Javi carefully puts his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. You let him and rest your chin on his shoulder. “I got it all sorted out. We should be fine now.”

“How so?”

“Yeah… it was her, I think. Anya. She didn’t deny it. I don’t think she liked me going home with you.”

Javi chuckles into your hair. “Live with it. I only ever want you.”

You pull back, enough to get a good look of his face, and you want that to be true. Nothing about this is easy, even aside from your own anxieties.

“What was your plan?” You decide to ask.

“Hmm?”

“For our date.”

He runs his hands up and down your sides. “Dinner, then I take you to bed. Keep you there. Like I said.”

“Uh huh… for how long?”

“Anytime you’re not on set, I’m keeping you there.”

“So we’re not gonna talk about my goals and dreams at all? Our feelings? Our friends, families…”

“Between you moaning my name…” Javi’s hand squeezes your hip. “...yes.”

“Mmm,” you giggle. “Too bad I don’t sleep on first dates, though.”

Javi raises his eyebrows in question. “No?”

“No.”

“So, second date, then.”

Second? You like where this is going. “Hmm, maybe, maybe not…”

“How many dates then?”

“Five dates or three months,” you say with a grin and a mischievous glint in your eyes, holding back a maniacal laughter. “Whichever comes first.”

Javi freezes.

“And it depends on how great the dinner is.” You fake ponder, enjoying his expression that becomes grumpier by the second. “And obviously, how serious you are.”

“I promise you, babe, you’d be the one telling me to skip dessert.”

Bold Javi. You’ve missed him.

“And tell you I’m the only dessert you need? Very possible.” You let go of him and start walking towards your bed, him following suit. “I was kidding anyway,” you tell him over your shoulder. You might be picky, but you have needs.

“Thank fucking God.”

“It’s really your fault you didn’t check in on me, because we could’ve been doing a lot of things right now…”

“Yeah?” Javi’s voice becomes raspy.

“Yeah…” You climb into bed and kneel on it, grabbing Javi closer by the collar of his shirt and stroking it. “It’s fine, I can take care of myself when you leave.”

“You’re killing me.” This is actual torture. You’re inviting him to bed, but not really. You’re very straightforward about what you want to do, but also not really. He definitely knows what he wants, and that hasn’t changed since that first day. And he’s pretty sure it shows.

“I think it’s fair for now. Come here.” To his delight, you pull his neck closer and kiss him. It’s fucking bliss. It’s been too fucking long. “I miss you, Javi. I only ever want you too.”

You arch your back to press closer to him and you whine, feeling the tent of his pants growing on your stomach. There’s no stopping your urge to buck against him which makes him unlatch from you and groan in response. His lips find your neck and start kissing it, and you let out a loud moan when he nibbles on that one spot.

“Baby, baby. Let’s save that for my place, all right?” Right. Óscar might be upstairs, and that didn’t even cross your mind.

You giggle and plop down on the bed after giving him a quick peck. “I was thinking this morning when I was swimming, that I’ve always wanted to be fucked in a pool.”

“...no.”

“No?”

“Yeah, no. We have no privacy, and it’s cold.”

“I wasn’t thinking about here, unless you want to die Gatsby-style. I think Óscar would spare me. You… not sure.”

“On second thought, it might be worth it.” Javi climbs on the bed, parting your legs to sit on his knees between them.

“So… back in London, maybe?”

“It’s not heated.”

“Seriously?”

In his defense, it’s not like he uses it much. “Consider it done.”

You nudge your knee on the side of his stomach and start grazing it. You find it adorable, his has softened with age in contrast to the washboard abs you were used to seeing. It makes him even cuter in your mind. You wonder if it’s too early in your dynamic to start affectionately referring to it as ‘dadbod’, or to tell him you want to sleep on it.

Javi stops your motions and starts to hover over you. “Ouch! Ow, ow, ow-”

He drops on his stomach next to you, hand reaching for his back.

“Oh my god, you’re so old.” You burst into laughter.

Javi rolls his eyes at you. “I have one foot in the grave, it’s not the same,” which makes you laugh harder.

You are concerned though, so you replace his hand with yours and start lightly massaging the spot.

“Is that better?”

“Of course.” He assures you with a kiss. Certainly much better than his massage chair at home that cost him thousands of dollars, and he tells you so.

“Wait, where?”

“My office. It’s godsend when I’m in the middle of meetings.”

“I wanna try it next time. So: one, try the massage chair, two, fuck in the pool…”

“Three, cook some homemade dinner.”

“I don’t cook. You can teach me, though.”

“How did you survive through college and living alone?!”

“Restaurants, dude. I’m surprised you cook. Don’t you have private chefs everywhere?”

“Did you see any chefs in my house?” No, it was always just you two. “Sure, in Spain, and only because they used to work for the Adriàs. But my grandmother used to make me cook with her every Sunday, and I’m grateful for that. It’s therapeutic. Dude.”

“And here I thought you barely know how to use a microwave. I can’t wait. All of it.”

“Anything for you.” He leans for a kiss and you run your hand on his chest and he shivers against your lips.

“You’re really gonna make me leave? We can still take care of each other.” And he doesn’t mean just his back.

“You already know I can’t be quiet. And I’m soooooo sore and tired,” you answer with a yawn.

“I know, baby,” he sighs. “I know. You should look forward to more of that.”

“Ooh, hyping yourself up. Go, leave, so I can tend to myself, thank you.” You stick a tongue out to him.

“Dammit. Is that what you’ve been doing all week?”

“Hell no, I was upset at you. Before, though…”

“Same here.”

“Yeah? Tell me.” You stroke his chest, liking how his heart is pounding under your touch.

“Since that night at Mira’s house.”

“So that black jumpsuit worked?”

He nods. “And you smelled so fucking good. You always do.”

“Good, ‘cause I wanted you to notice me.”

He noticed you, all right. “These looked amazing that night,” his thumb grazes over your sideboob. “And your backless dress… I wasn’t even watching the movie, to be honest.”

“I wore that for you, too. I was hoping you’d take it off of me.”

“You should’ve just asked.”

“I was so wet, Javi. I had to touch myself on the flight home.” Thankfully you were in a first class suite and you could ease the itch under the blanket.

“Fuck. Did you come?” He pulls you flush to him and he growls against your neck. He had left on his private plane a few hours before you, on his way to meet an investor in another continent. He would’ve changed his plans had he known.

“Yeah,” you nod, rubbing your barely covered breasts on his chest so he could feel your hardened nipples. He looks down at your cleavage hungrily. “But it wasn’t enough.”

He flips you over and kisses the tops of them all the way up to your neck, making you grind on him. You feel his hands on the inside of your thighs but you don’t dare to look down to see how big they are, and so close to where you want him most. You’re pretty sure you’ll come on the spot. You let out a soft sigh and let your head fall on the pillow when he licks the spot behind your ear.

“I liked those bikinis you posted too. My cock would like to thank you. That was a great day.” You squirm at the mention of his cock and you look up to see him smirking. “Next time, I want a private show.”

“Which one?” You don’t know what comes over you but you decide to brave through your next move. There’s something about this man’s presence that makes you feel equally as bold, but also vulnerable at the same time. You cup a hand over your mound, moving it back and forth. “This… or just the bikinis?”

His hand grips your thigh firmly and you gasp in pleasure just as the sound of a car being parked sobers you both. Javi reluctantly pulls off of you and gets on his feet, straightening his clothes and hair back into place. You walk him to the door and give him a kiss goodnight on the gray spot of his beard.

“‘Night, baby.”

“‘Night, Javi.”

✧✧✧

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