#ever before. ever. like. what. HUH.
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WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ITS OCTOBER TMRW
#TOMORROW AS IN THREE HOURS AS IN MY MUTUALS ARE ALREADY IN OCTOBER#I CANT#I CANNOT#why is this the first time in my life I’m actively trying to be present and I’ve never been more baffled about where the time went#(it’s a combination of the soul crushing depression and even with the ‘I literally want to die’ depression it’s still easier to get through#days than it ever has been before in my life. how fucking crazy is that. I’m spending my days ignoring the obnoxiously loud part of my brain#that’s like ‘you know you really want to be dead right?!’ and I’m still like. functioning better than I ever have in any school semester#ever before. ever. like. what. HUH.#the other day I was just thinking about myself and I just went ‘someone should really study me’ and I honestly don’t think I’m wrong#my friend used to joke that I was a medical mystery#and actually it was just a tmj thing and i didn’t sleep right for 21 years but like#ISNT THAT MORE FASCINATING#like idk if I’m just using my own small understanding of the thing to blow up the situation? but based on how drastically my life has#changed even while my mental health is still shit it’s just crazy to me
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world's longest staring contest GO-
#them. he??? wally plural <3#how are they the same little man....#looking between them in confusion so fast i get whiplash#one half of my brain: huh what huh what huh-#the other half: HOLY SHIT TWO WALLYS!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3#wait would it be wallys or wallies#fr what Is wally plural#existential questions we should all ask ourselves#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#wally darling#i got a little lost in the Sauce making this & finished before realizing i didnt copy it over to a new larger canvas#& do the final layer/colors/bg there#so its a Little Bit Lower Resolution than id like#BUT HEY ITS NOT LIKE THATS EVER STOPPED ME BEFORE!!!!#whatever whatever doesnt matter its done and im satisfied with it#& i fuckin better be bc working on this killed my wrist lmfao#nearly dropped my stylus at one point from the sudden Oofie Ouchie#suffice to say i will be queuing this & then taking a day-long break from my hobbies#which are all hell on the wrist#which means i will probably leave the house out of sheer boredom#maybe ill watch spiderverse. go get a tasty Beverage. take a walk. summon the old gods if im in a silly goofy mood#just now realizing i probably drew wally too small#puppet wally. og wally light of my life. AHAHA OOPSIES TOO LATE TO FIX IT NOW 🥲👍
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holy shit. he has legs.
#idk why this shocked me so much i mean they look like normal human legs#i’m just so taken aback bc i don’t think i’ve ever seen his legs before 😭#he’s always in joggers or jeans#they’re so bronze and tanned and smooth#like a model/runner/dancer’s legs#especially compared to oscar’s leg hair like they really are That teammate pairing huh#people on twitter saying he shaves his legs… what a thought#what an image#i’m not going to think too deeply into that or i’ll just#yeah anyways#legs#lando pics#lando norris
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Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing
And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had
Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter
And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"
#aitsf#ai the somnium files#kaname date#mizuki date#THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA#its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you#and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin#renju and shoko really just suck huh#and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant#remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself#which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems#yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life#hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right#and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing#but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough#its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺
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Some creatures are more difficult to perceive than others
#Treecko#skitty#dusknoir#chatot#pokemon doodles#original art#context: I’ve said this before but explorers was the very first pokemon game I ever played#I wasn’t watching the anime then so it was also the first time I ever saw a dusknoir#And for whatever reason I just couldn’t quite….comprehend what he was supposed to be#Thought he was some kind of robot until he did his ghostly disappearing act#Definitely a fun game to play when you know nothing about pokemon!#Everything was so new and exciting! And you don’t know what anyone looks like until you meet them!#The other thing in a similar vein was with dialga#I didn’t know what dialga was SUPPOSED to look like so when they’re all talking about how fucked up he is I was like damn#He DOES look pretty fucked up. Some kind of beast#And then after fixing time you see he looks THE SAME except with a palette change#Like oh. i see. That’s just what you look like#Dialga should’ve got a special form tho#Maybe something replacing the steel type with ghost#Bc without time he’s technically not alive#And I read somewhere the steel typing might’ve represented the steady nature of time or something#So with time being stopped it’s not flowing so steadily huh#This wasn’t supposed to be abt dialga tho. Get your own post#ANYWAY dusknoir is a weird looking guy especially when you’re not quite sure what you’re looking at#but he is canonically handsome so do with that what you will
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[About the ask where you said that dipper blurted out "I'm pregnant" To bill and his immediate response is panic]
Does this mean that bill has impregnated someone??? Or the other way around??
Bill's never sired or sprouted any offspring, and has no intention of doing so!
Dipper was pulling a prank, and it worked very well - because Bill's been around the block enough to not dismiss the supposedly 'impossible'.
#answers#Dipper's never really thought about the mechanics of Bill's true form. On purpose. For his sanity.#So he hasn't questioned his assumption that it could never happen#He's right too! With what they're doing they aren't going to have any progeny#Bill though is not one to rule out some freak twist of magic causing an 'accident'#Heck knows he sees twelve impossible things before breakfast#And let's face it: These two get themselves into quite a few Shenanigans#It's almost like someone out there has it out for them 🤔 Weird huh#Given Bill's true nature I think it's equally likely he could be the siring or gestating partner#And between the two he'd pick lying down on the train track himself of that particular trolley problem#My version of Bill has negative desire to procreate at the moment#Though if Bill ever DID sire a kid prior to meeting Dipper#You just KNOW he was the worst most deadbeat piece of shit#this was in my drafts and I totally forgot it was there
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ohhh. what if the nursery that Pyrrha painted on the 9th was the creche. what if those mint green walls saw every member of the 9th raised from birth to 18 years old amongst their family and house (what's the difference, when you are raised as one and the same?) penitents and tombkeepers and Anastasia's immortality. and what if those same mint green walls saw their number dwindle, and the house begin to fail -- but even still, there were children it could protect and raise and cherish. even those not of the 9th! even a little baby with bright red hair.
but then suddenly all the children are gone but one, the little baby with bright red hair who refused to die with her mother and refused to die in the massacre and refused to die in the neglect that followed. and it's just her, the others are gone. (where did they go?) and she cries so loud and no one is there to comfort her but those silent walls, painted with love 10,000 years ago. how long does love take to fade? when does it stop being enough? when is intention just a fancy excuse?
she stops crying, eventually, and 9 months later another baby is born. quiet. dark haired. familiar, maybe, even though she's new. (why is she so familiar?) and these two children are the last; they grow and fight and learn how to hate, and still those walls are standing.
#trb.txt#tlt thoughts#pyrrha dve#i was thinking about it and was like huh. creche means nursery. the ninth only ever had one of those.#personifying some walls 2day but what can u do!!!!!!!!!!!!#creche#thinking a lot abt how gideon was like 'The Ninth doesn't really do big families'#but what was the ninth but one big family? all the children raised together?#and i think it really does hit so hard how much pelleamana and priamhark killed their own house. they killed their children#and their culture and their future#they irrevocably ruined themselves too - harrow said that mortus remembered that they were different before#they siphoned all the love out of that house and they didnt even use it#anyway#today i bring you: pain! tomorrow? who knows!#idk how to tag this
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Au idea I'll probably never write:
Steve as seven au, BUT he escapes at the same time as El in season 1. They get separated after Benny's, when seven tells eleven to run and definitely kills a couple government agents to give her more time.
So the a plot of will being missing and Mike finding El? Standard canon except El is ALSO looking for her brother and is worried about him. She sees that he's mostly safe and tries to help find will but also insists she go to her brother soon.
B plot of barb and Nancy...idk I haven't really thought about how that'd work without Steve's kickback. Maybe they go to a party (like actual party not the five person hangout) together and get separated and no one notices barb disappear from the edge of the lawn. Idk
The C plot is seven, kinda bloody and definitely cold, wandering out into the middle of the street, and one Robin Buckley almost running him over with her bike. She immediately clocks "guy who seems pretty fucked up" about him, and offers him a ride to her house. But Robin has never been the most coordinated of people and biking with a(admittedly probably too skinny) teenage boy sitting in her package rack is hard, and combine that with a guy driving like the devil's after him, they end up swerving of the road.
Eddie steps out, apologizes profusely, and offers them a ride. seven is sceptical, especially when both of them pause when he tells them his name, but does end up in the van. He finally gets a chance to breathe once they get to the Buckleys', and Robin gets him some leftovers.
He sits in front of the tv set to a blank station, tucks his head into his shirt instead of blindfolds, and tries to see El.
He sees her older, with flowers braided through long hair, laughing. Too far. He sees her with short curls, a patterned button down, eating something in a cone beside a mustachioed man. Too far again. He sees her tiny, scared, holding his own small hand. Not far enough.
Finally, finally, he sees her as she knows her now, mostly, standing beside a group of children and in front of a monster in a large room.
Eddie and Robin have no idea why their new friend? Has turned the tv on to static and is hiding in his shirt, but figure he's had a rough day. He pops his head back out, blood dripping from his nose, and grins, telling them he knows where his sister will be.
Anyways blah blah blah El sees where people ARE Steve sees where people have been/will be (based on where/who they are right now. Futura is constantly in motion etc).
Idk season 2 would happen very similar as canon minus stancy break up (they never date and are just friends) (also Steve tells Robin and Eddie he and El are safe and they pass it on to the kids) El finds Kali, Steve fights demodogs, etc etc.
But I want a (pre?) season 3 scene where Robin and Steve are hanging out as soulmates do, door closed because they are discussing Sensitive Subjects (gay shit) and giggling like schoolgirls. Hopper, in all his disappointed dad glory, opens the door and starts in on a rant about keeping the door open three inches.
Steve, bitch that he is, just tilts his head to the side and says "but that is for when we are with people we date. I am not dating Robin."
Hopper, not yet picking up what's happening, sighs. "Kid. It's about propriety. You can't be alone with Robin, because what if you do start dating. Then it's. You have to set an example for El!"(it would be a nice move bringing up Older Brother Responsibility, except...well.)
"but we aren't. I am dating someone else?"
"still need the door open three inches, pal. When El is home, at least"(El is almost always home)
"we do! And you complain about the loud music!"
"wait. Who are you dating? I thought Nancy was dating Jonathan still. She barely comes over." Hopper please pick up what Steve is putting down oh my god.
(hop has forgotten Robin is there and she is trying very hard not to make noise but Steve keeps meeting her eye sometimes because dear god. truly an iconic moment in friendship history.)
"yeah obviously. Eddie comes over all the time, though."
"what does Ed- oooh. Ah. I see. That's why you keep the door open even though he complains."
Steve nods like Hopper is the dumbest man on the planet. He might just be. "Yes. Because you said El had to and she asked why I didn't have to so then I started to leave it open when Eddie was over. At least Eddie doesn't laugh at you to your face"
"Eddie laughs behind my back?"
"he said you didn't know we were dating but I told him of course you knew, the door is open three inches."
Hopper clasps Steve's shoulders and looks him in the eye. "Steve, I need you to keep telling him that. And not mention this very awkward conversation we had."
"because he was right."
"he doesn't need to know that."
That's all I got lmao (also check the tag ramble I added lol)
#steve Harrington#robin buckley#eddie munson#el hopper#platonic stobin#steddie#steve and el#steve and hopper#steve is seven#finda writes stuff#hopper versus his childrens' boyfriends and his ongoing mission to have SOME authority over them#but anyway i love steve is seven aus but only really see ones where he escapes before el so thought this would be nest#*neat. also i love hopper adopting steve fics hehe#hop goes to joyce after this and is like. okay so he didnt tell me but thats because he thought i knew am i a bad dad#'hop. what are you talking about' 'steve and eddie are dating' 'yeah. what about it' 'i didnt know'#'theyre all over each other' 'so are him and robin! i thought they were just affectionate!' 'oh my god' 'no one else can ever know joyce'#'eddie sleeps over all the time' 'robin does too' 'the nicknames' 'robin calls steve babe' 'the whispering?'#'once AGAIN he and robin ALSO do that. how was i supposed to know he was dating eddie when he and his best friend also do that stuff?!'#'okay. thats fair jim. but what about the kissing' 'joyce.look into my eyes. he also. kisses. robin.' 'are all three of them dating?' 'no'#'huh. on the lips?' 'sometimes. its a playful smack.' 'and eddie?' 'okay admittedly. now that i think about it. very different than Robin
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Hey, Mini! I wanted to come ask ya someth-
-…You look. Uh. Cool?
[Terro nervously laughed at his attempt at a pun, not really expecting to see Mini like… that.]
— Terro (@war-causing-interrobang)
[Mini perks up at the sight of Terro. ...They remember he's their friend, even after the complete change as a person.]
Oh, hello Terro. What do you need?
#not a mini-game#mini speaks#post-serotonin arc#frozen 2 arc#ask#minerro#current setting: the middle of a forest. btw.#also i dont know if this was ever mentioned BUT#upon changing to an ice person a lot of mini's memories from before became really foggy and unclear.#so mini being about to remember her relationship with terro very clearly is like “huh that is very strange what”
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stupid fucking titty window distracted me on my first few watches (don,xt talk to me ok) but he has his hand held behind his back here... clutching his chips for dear life.. hiding the way he's shaking.........
#oh kakavasha for a guy who actively risks his life in hopes that something will finally just fucking kill him#and who is so sure of the value of his life (nothing) you sure are very scared to die huh#think it's like. he wants to die because he doesn't want this life and given his track record it seems death is his only way out#but he wants A life#but he doesn't really believe that's possible at this point so he just gets more and more reckless#how far can he go until his lucky streak finally runs out...?#but he wants a life!!!!! why can't his luck ever give him the opportunity to claim his freedom and have A LIFE!!!!!#also he's just like. scared. natural fears#he doesn't want it to hurt. he doesn't want to suffer more right before he breathes his last breath#and he's scared of the unknown aspect of it. what's after this? where will his existence go? will anyone even remember him?#will anyone even care?#he seems to be more at peace with the unknown and the 'pointless' struggle against death after his conversation with acheron#now he just needs to finish surviving his last gamble.. and maybe he can have A life#ok brain turned off my blood sugar just dropped ibcan't finish this coherently#AVENTURINE. AUSGH
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i will always be on my high horse about believing henry equals one equals vecna when i first watched st4, and STILL believing he didn't deserve to be trapped in the lab for decades and getting a genuine pit in my stomach when baby henry was strapped down, branded, and visibly afraid/uncomfortable under brenner's care. like idk man it seems like something went wrong in your life if you saw a child pinned like a bug, no matter their supposed circumstances, and thought they deserved it. sounds like a huge moral failing on your part
#especially when he's not even a real person lmao like damn why are you trying to punish this string of text#like genuinely i will always be a pretentious asshole about this LMAO#even when i truly believed they were all the same person i was still like. damn. this Sucks tho#and obviously he's going to be someone who's meant to be sympathized and empathized with#like. BEFORE i was ever part of the fandom AT ALL i was like. oh yeah this is meant to just be sad and devastating and#we're not meant to actually be mad at him. this is meant to be sad. this is meant to be gut wrenching#but instead 99% of people jumped on the bandwagon of 'evil from birth' like wow y'all really are stupid huh#anyway. bye.#i say things#stranger things#like straight up i wasnt even actually mad at him or thought he deserved a horrible death EVEN AFTER he became vecna#like. even AFTER the massacre and the hawkins teens i was genuinely still there like. wow this is sad. what a tragedy#for everyone involved INCLUDING him. bc he was obviously pushed here.
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sorry but im like the worlds biggest hater when it comes to future/next gen au stuff for sonic characters . and its not that i have an inherent problem with people doing those types of aus/stories its just that i havent seen many people do it in a way that isnt boring and also actually fits the characters. like they either make almost everyone cishet and go with all the "default" ships and/or put most if not all the characters in a married with kids situation even if it doesnt fit them or something else would be more interesting. and they also just completely ignore the concepts of adoption or single parents or people who just dont want to get married or have kids . and its like why are you all so boring with this why do you insist on shoving everyone into little nuclear family boxes even if it doesnt work for them as a character especially when non traditional family situations are such a common thing in sonic come on
and i think that out of all the characters sonic is one of the ones who gets it the worst with this sort of thing. with the way he acts in canon having him "settle down" into a "traditional" married with kids lifestyle once hes an adult feels like the most forced and out of character thing ever. he would not fucking say that etc etc
#especially if its with amy . mandatory disclaimer that i love amy#but sonic eventually agreeing to marry her in the future is like the worst possible ending to their whole situation#its bad for both of their characters i think . for multiple reasons#also if its with shadow . like im not saying him and sonic could never date or anything .#just that i cant see them living together and getting married and all that super serious and committed stuff#i guess you could argue that sonic not caring about romance and stuff could change when hes older since hes only 15#but . i kinda Dont Like the implication that growing up/becomign more mature = suddenly wanting to get married and stuff#also am i the only one who thinks its unrealistic for everyone in the existing cast to end up marrying someone they already know right now#like im not saying its impossible for some of them to end up getting with eachother#its just that . most of them are teenagers or otherwise really young and they have so much time to meet other people#what if rouge's future wife is some random person we've never seen onscreen before huh . ever thought of that
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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idea: double side kunikidazai charm
#have I ever made a charm before? no#but look at themmmm#also please ignore how Shit This is LMAO I sketches this in like 4 minutes-#what if I made them holding hands huh?what would u do them#not of fan of any of their poses but uuuh the position of Kunikida 's lil hand reaching down could veery easily be a hand hold if I just pu#Dazai's hand down I would then need to uhhh repose them both who knows#maybe ill just forget about this in a week-
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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why does it have to be this way
#Why#I was doing so good this past year#There were times I was literally crying tears of joy because I haven’t felt as happy as I was in years#Now shit’s coming back and I don’t like it#Every fucking time man#“Well life is supposed to have its ups and downs” HAVE YOUVE WENT THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH#summer through all the way to the end of 2023 was one of two of the most miserable times I ever went through#I was almost never happy#Had cheap laughs for like 20 minutes then back to misery#There wasn’t a single day were I didn’t wish i was dead#Literally I would wake up and i immediately wanted to start crying#Thats how bad things were#You could see it in my face how lonely and miserable i was#I hadnt felt that empty for like a good few years since then#It was to the point where I thought there was never going to be light in my life ever again#I went through some fucked up shit and now im traumatized 10x more then i was before#The first day of school was a weak after some extremely traumatic stuff happened man#Then the new year started and everything was starting to get better#I started taking medication#I was much more happier#My self esteem boosted up#I started working on myself and became a better person#I dont think i ever had a period of my life where i felt THAT BETTER#Like I said i was crying because I had felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders#It literally felt like i saw the light#I legitimately thought things were getting truly getting better#It’s just gonna be the same damn cycle over and over again huh?#For several months I feel depressed as shit#Then for a few months things start to clear up#Then suddenly and abruptly things go back to the shit
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