#can’t wait to propose in winter me thinks
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may I offer another shane doodle 🤲💜
#shane stardew valley#stardew valley shane#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#I still don’t know how to draw him but I love him#I’m also still in fall in game but I kept seeing his winter clothes so#I got the 10 heart event yesterday also so I’m SKDKDFNVHNHFB#I’m ok#can’t wait to propose in winter me thinks
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Baby Fever | Matthew Tkachuk
summary: on your wedding day Matthew thought he’d get you to himself, but seeing you with his cousins gives him an idea he just had to see through.
kinkmas: day four (breeding)
warnings: sexual themes, p in v, nipple play? swearing.
word count: 2.18k
authors note: can we believe that this is my first wedding fic? sorry it took so long but I think we got to a good place! Matthew is a man I haven’t written for a lot but I love it when I do get to. If you want to read more from kinkmas you can find the masterlist here!
You knew you had always wanted a winter wedding.
The cold had been your favourite kind of weather as it meant you could sit at a fireplace with a blanket over your lap. Now living in Florida you weren’t promised your white wedding, but Matthew found a cabin that you two had fallen in love with. After being together for five years and countless jokes from his family as they would ask how Matthew got you locked down and even moving to a different country for him.
A mere six years ago you started off as his neighbour who knocked on his door early one Saturday morning as you needed eggs to fulfill your pancake recipe. In return for those eggs he got himself a free breakfast that morning and your number after weeks for trying to muster up the courage to talk to you.
Yes you, the girl set on pursuing her dreams was the one who made Matthew a mess.
Now you were sat a few seats across from him as his younger cousins giggled recounting the story of how Matthew was in love with you “hey now let’s not embarrass me to my wife.” Matthew shook his head as his hand squeezed your shoulder “can we talk for a bit?” He asked motioning to you to follow him “I’ll be back.” You offered the girls as you nodded “didn’t know I’d be chasing my wife on my wedding day.” The hockey player mumbled as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders as he pressed a kiss to your head.
It made you smile “what can I say I’m a hot commodity today.” You teased as you two began to head outside where it was quiet “are you okay?” You furrowed your eyebrows sensing that something was on his mind “can’t get over how fucking gorgeous my wife is.” His confession made you scoff as your cheeks turned red “Matty.” You warned as his hands went dangerously close to your ass.
He laughed as he leaned down to kiss your lips “let’s go to the room.” Matthew proposed as you were all staying at the hotel tonight.
But of course you stood there like the good wife that you were as you shook your head “what about our guests?” You whisper yelled as his hand pressed against your lower back pushing you in the direction of the elevator “if anyone asks you can tell them I wasn’t feeling well.” He rolled his eyes pressing the button that illuminated your floor number as he waited for the elevator doors to shut before you dared to lay a hand on your now husband.
However Matthew didn’t feel the same way as you as he turned to you with a grin placing his hands on either side of your face as he leaned down to kiss you “fuck you’re so pretty.”He groaned swiping his tongue across your lower lip as you moaned into his kiss.
You two remained like that as the boy peppered kisses along your jaw and neck “I need to open the door Matt.” You coughed as you struggled to grab the keycard from his pocket.
Matthew opted to behave for a few minutes offering you your focus as you huffed opening the door as you both pushed in not letting your feet stop you until you were met with the couch. He took the opportunity to unzip your dress revealing your white lingerie “god.” Matthew mumbled watching as you stepped out of your dress that was now a mere blob on the floor. Leaving you in your underwear and heels.
What you didn’t expect was that he’d move to sit on the couch before he dared to touch you once more “c’mere.” Matthew motioned to you to sit on his thigh as he spread his legs open stretching the fabric of his pants over his muscular legs.
Your mouth watered as you straddled his thighs “so glad to finally have you all to myself.” The hockey player smiled as you gripped at his shoulders “been yours all along.” You quietly clenched your legs as his thigh bucked beneath your clothed cunt.
His lips brushed over yours “been thinking about you all damn day.” Matthew nipped at the skin of your neck forcing your breath to be caught in your throat “what about me?” You groaned feeling his eyes undress the little amount of clothes you had left on.
Matthew let his fingers brush over the strap of your bra “these boobs.” He began pulling the straps to your arms revealing your nipples that peaked from the cool air that hit them. His smirk looked up at you as you whimpered pinching your lower lip between your teeth as you oozed anticipation “please.” You begged giving Matthew a nod as his lips latched onto your left breast leaving his tongue swirling around your nipple.
His eyes fluttered shut as relief painted his body as he hummed at the taste of you on his tongue. Matthew continued his movements sucking and swirling the sensitive bud until you’re slick with his spit rocking your hips against his thigh. Your chest is heaving as you whined feeling goosebumps prick at your skin. Heat shoots from within you and it settles in between your legs “fuck!” You moaned making him sink his teeth against your nipple.
Matthews lips were plump as he brought his hand up to cup your other breast to equally share his attention with “gonna make a mess on your pants.” You warned tugged your fingers through his curls as he rolled your nipple between his fingers.
If this was any other day Matthew would have watched your eyes roll back into your head as you came by the mere flex of his thigh. But as his cock throbbed against the fabric of his pants and the knowledge that your loved ones would soon notice your disappearance “baby I need to fuck you so badly.” Matthews confession made you moan as you nodded.
Within the blink of an eye Matthew had his shirt unbuttoned and his belt unbuckled as you pulled his cock out from under his boxers “been thinking about your tight little pussy too.” The hockey player watching in awe as you drove the head of his cock over your clit making your body shake with pleasure “what about it?” You groaned smiling to yourself as you let your cunt swallow his cock as your walls adjusted to his size.
Foreheads pressed together as it seemed you both forgot how to breathe. The mere gesture of embracing each other almost being too much for you both but he couldn’t handle it as the first to pull away “how you’d look so full with my babies.” Matthew cupped your stomach brushing his thumbs over where your uterus sat beneath your skin. It was a topic that neither one of you had ever gone into depth with as you both agreed that kids would be in your futures “how your breasts would grow full.” You began to move your hips as you smiled settling into your rhythm.
Matthew watched as your eyes adjusted to the dim lights that lowly illuminated the room around you both “I want you to put a baby in me Matthew.” You pleaded clenching around his cock at the thought “want to be full of your come.” You had gone off of the pill last month as you knew you were getting to the stage of wanting kids, now it was beginning to matter that he wasn’t wearing a condom either.
It was hot hearing those words fall from your lips “I’m gonna fuck my pretty little bride so hard she forgets her name.” As soft as Matthews words were you knew it was a serious promise when he picked you up and lay you on the couch bringing himself back to the driving seat of this moment. Your response came in the form of a yelp as Matthew wrapped your legs around his waist “please Matt.” You begged as his pace ruined your once slow one.
The hockey player was desperate to fulfill his desires of seeing you full as he watched his cock bottom you out, hitting your g-spot resulting in your moans painting the walls. Sure to be heard by anyone who dared to be on this floor away from the party. It was dirty how your swollen lips and squashed curls that pressed against your back acted like encouragement to Matthew as he laughed “and to think you acted like you wanted to be down there with all of them.” The hockey player clicked his tongue as he shook his head mocking the innocent act you upheld when you were downstairs smiling at his parents like you didn’t have thoughts of having their son between your legs.
With the only response you allowed to let leave your lips being in the form of whines “but now you’re sat here fucking my cock dumb.” Matthew cupped the back of your head bringing you even closer to him as your hand went behind your bodies finding your clit “want it so bad.” You felt your breathing grow irregular as you struggled to focus “fill me up Mat.” You pleaded beginning to cry as pleasure built up in your body.
Those words were like butter to your husband who tugged at your lower lip between his teeth “won’t last when you speak like that.” Matthew groaned shaking his head as your cunt clenched around his throbbing cock “me too.” You stammered feeling the room around you grow hot as your legs began to shake.
Sounds of skin slapping echoed between you both as your face began to contort “go ahead baby.” Matthew ordered as his cock could only handle so much of this before he came himself “milk my cock pretty girl.” His tongue swiped over your ear lobe finally sending you over the edge.
Low grumbles left your lips as you clamped around his cock in spurts as the movements of your fingers strumming against your clit struggled to keep you focused “s-shit Matt.” You croaked out as your vision went blurry making your eyes screw shut as white specks cascaded over your eyelids “don’t stop.” You pleaded finally getting shut up when he embraced your lips in a hungry kiss.
Matthew wasn’t far behind you as his chest began to grow tight but at the moment he was focused on fucking you through your orgasm “such a pretty girl.” He mewled flaring his nostrils as the coil in his stomach snapped “fuck!” Matthew took the hand that was once behind your head and now pressed it against the arm of the couch to keep himself up.
Your cunt was coated with his release making you smile as he continued to slowly fuck you “gotta make sure it all stays in there baby.” Your husband teased as he pecked your lips.
The moment that was so small was full of so much love between you both that you almost didn’t hear the knock at the door.
Key word, almost.
Brady had been sent up to see where the two of you were “I get you’re a happy couple you two but if we could go downstairs and act like I haven’t just heard that I’d be happy.” His words made your cheeks turn red as you were only met with the sound of Matthews laughter.
Matthew pecked your lips as he smiled “down in a sec!” The panthers player yelled back as he sat up straight hearing the sounds of his brothers footsteps leaving the hallway. His hand reached down to your panties that were on the floor as he smiled “you serious about wanting my babies?” Matthew looked to you for confirmation as you placed your legs in his lap “so serious.” You nodded smiling as he did the same.
The hockey player helped slide your panties over your legs and pressed against your cunt “gotta make sure you don’t lose any of that then.” It made you squirm as you thought about keeping his load of inside of you “now as much as I wanna stay here with you.” Matthew sighed as he brushed your hair out of your face.
You let your lips form a pout already thinking about what he was going to say “we should probably get back before they send him back up here.” There was a hint of amusement in his voice as he pecked your lips “would hate for him to have to hear what you sound like when I have your cock in my mouth.” You smirked seeing Matthew process the image in his mind.
Using the little energy you had you got up and giggled “you’re sending me to an early grave.” Matthew groaned pressing his head into the pillow behind him.
As he watched you place your hands on your hips “that’s why you married me Tkachuk.” You spun around and walked to your dress letting him stare at your ass.
Matthew was living, the life.
#ambers kinkmas 2023#Matthew tkachuk imagines#Matthew tkachuk smut#nhl smut#hockey smut#nhl imagines#hockey imagines#nhl oneshots#hockey oneshots#imagines#oneshots#amber writes fics
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If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I would walk in my garden forever.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
Paring: Jinshi x (f) reader
Genre: angst
Tags: Break ups, death.
A/n: I swear I don’t hate Maomao, she’s just a victim of hate in these ffs 😔
He could spend years waiting for you, he really would, he’s probably still waiting for you now, even if he is delusional enough to think you’d love him back. It’s his fault he knows, “Please, please don’t leave me here alone!” Those were your last words he heard as he left you in his flower garden in the harsh coldness of winter. That was some time ago. You were attached to him; yet, not lovers, something he holds dearly to his heart but not something that is really his.
He knows himself, even in the warm and welcoming sun’s of summer, he still can’t seem to let you go. He’d had countless proposals, however none of them loved him as you did. “I miss you, do you miss me?” He laughs at himself, why would you miss him? After all, he did leave you with nothing but hate in his heart, or that’s what he tells himself. “Everything is temporary, this is merely one of those things.”
He becomes interested in the girl named Maomao, you watch from a distance, he smiles at her as he’s smiles at you once a season ago, perhaps you miss that, perhaps you did. Maybe you did feel jealous when he’d unconsciously touch her back as they’d walked down his flower garden together, the flower garden which you shared your first kisses.
It was indeed quite strange to see him act with her in such a familiar way, as if he’d been with her all his life instead of you. He’d hardly look at you when you walk past, maybe this was fate. You wasn’t sure yourself. “You deserve better than me.” Those were his words on that day. Unfortunately, you didn’t care, you didn’t care that he was only pretending; you didn’t care that you could do was blame yourself. You cared so much that you cried so much until your face dried.
“Did you even love me?”
He saves her, he saves her life instead of yours. Though, he watches you as you fall with no sort of emotion in his eyes, you stare at them back; full of betrayal and hate you saved up just for him. You live, you live knowing that he never did truly love you. He lives, he lives too knowing that you will never love him again as you had once before.
He faults once and once again, no longer can he read your face easily as he used to, he cannot find if you are happy or sad, angry or joyous; you walk normally but with nothing left inside of you, soon you will surpass the marriageable age and will be sold off to a man of high status, he feels uneasy at that thought. But he cannot bring himself to talk to you.
When you see him hold her hand, you break a sob. You cover it with your hand- he looks so happy, how dare he. Remain as composed as a lady should, that’s what you should remember. Never let a mere servant bring you to your knees. He hears you though. He knows it’s you and stiffens, Maomao asks him if he’s alright and offers him her arm but suddenly notices what’s wrong. She sees you from the corner of her vision, and quickly lets go of Jinshi and ushers off without a word.
He remains shaken as you walk up to him silently and with grace. He can feel you behind him. “Oh, my Lord, I didn’t know I would find you here on this fine day, what are you doing with that..girl?” You ask. He prays you don’t see him visibly shaking. “Are you alright, my Lord?”
He doesn’t know what to feel, is he alright? Surely he should be, after praying for your return..but something is stopping him from replying- a stone stuck in his throat, preventing him from speaking. “I love you, I love you so much and I hate it.”
He doesn’t know why he still holds onto you, no longer does he watch you from afar, but he does question himself sometimes, if he should’ve said it. He remembers your astonished expression, but still he couldn’t read what you were saying from your face. He looks at the stars with a pitiful gaze, how pathetic of him to feel this way. “Don’t worry about me. I can handle my heart myself,” he whispers to himself as the clouds form and rain fall, staining his robes.
He notices you some paces away, staring into nothing- towards the heavens. You look breathtaking. You were beautiful, not like those ladies in story books. You were beautiful for the way you thought, you were beautiful for the way your eyes once sparkled when you talked about something you loved. You were beautiful for the way you could make him smile even if you were dying just a little bit each time. No you wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as your looks, you were beautiful for something deep down in your heart.
You stood there in the rain, its coldness piercing your skin through your thin layers of silk. Jinshi runs towards you, you hardly notice him however. He breaks you so well, so easily as your love was and forever will. Easy to love yet just as easy to break. You can’t love him, you don’t know how to. Love is fleeting, just like birds. One second they’re there, another and they’re gone.
He notices the blood that spreads like wildfire from your chest as you pull out the knife.
“Your love was torture, and I loved it all too much.”
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Summerfest 2023
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Jack Hughes x reader
I usually write stories and longer fics on my main blog but I thought I’d give this a shot. I finally looked up summerfest tickets and that inspired this.
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Y/nusername
Liked by trevorzegras, Elblue6, jackhughes and 25,076 others
Y/nusername: Drove a little further right this summer and ended up at Summerfest. Is it even a good summer without good music, humid weather and getting drunk friends? 🎶 🍻
jackhughes the best summers are the ones I get to spend with you ❤️
Y/nusername and I didn’t even have to tell you to say that. Aww 🥰 I love you babes 😘
trevorzegras I’m gonna barf 🤢
y/nusername don’t be salty just because you weren’t here
trevorzegras it wouldn’t have hurt anyone to at least invite me!!
jackhughes your invite probably got lost like the one you sent me for Coachella
trevorzegras …now who’s salty 🧂
Elblue6 Looks like you guys had a lot of fun. I can’t wait to see you all in a week.
y/nusername I’m counting down the days!
_quinnhughes idk it’s pretty chill here without Jack and his friends
y/nusername pretend all you like but I know you love me
_quinnhughes @/y/nusername it’s true I’ve petitioned to make you a permanent member of the family in exchange for getting rid of Jack
jackhughes I always knew you were plotting to get rid of me @_quinnhughes
_quinnhughes how’d you know? @/jackhughes
jackhughes Winter of ‘09 when you pushed me into a freezing lake kinda gave me an idea
lhughes_06 or Jack could just nut up and propose and we could have both of them forever.
Liked by y/nusername
User1 is it just me or did Jack get awfully quiet
User2 with all the country artists that play at summerfest I’m surprised Jack hasn’t been before
ryleigh_white still sad Dawson and I couldn’t make it but that video you sent of Noah Kahan will sustain me for a life time
y/nusername I hope one song came through clear and without me screaming over it
_alexturcotte I vote we do this every summer
trevorzegras “we”???
y/nusername 🧂
jackhughes 🧂
Ybf/username 🧂
jackhughes
Liked by y/nusername, _alexturcotte, lhughes_06, and 43,674 others
jackhughes maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea
y/nusername so you admit I was right? Going to Summerfest was a good idea?
jackhughes I feel like if I say yes you’ll hold it over my head forever
y/nusername I would never. You wound me.
lhughes_06 smells like a lie 🤥
y/nusername @/lhughes_06 we still have to drive back to Michigan. Don’t think I won’t leave you stranded on some farm land.
lhughes_06 you wouldn’t @y/nusername
y/nusername try me moosey 😈
nicohischier we had a great season you deserve to have a good summer
jackhughes thanks cap. Will do.🫡
trevorzegras and here I was worried that @y/nusername was gonna take my place but now I gotta worry about @/_alexturcotte
y/nusername @/trevorzegras honestly I’d call you jealous but that little hussy has a picture before me. @/jackhughes explain yourself.
jackhughes i… 🏃💨
_alexturcotte Alexa play Pretty Girl Rock 🎶
colecaufield the fact that I’m not getting 📸 cred on that last picture should be a federal offense
y/nusername it’s a lovely picture @/colecaufield thx ☺️
jackhughes don’t be cocky @/colecaufield
dawson1417 I would say I wish I had been there but I just know that Jack and y/n were probably sucking face the whole time
lhughes_06 forget being attached at the hip they’re attached by the lips
y/nusername 💋
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#Sunny’s insta edits#jack hughes#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes insta edit#nhl imagine#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes blurb#my writing#23 regular season
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The Winter Sun (5)
5. Compromises
MASTERLIST
Summary: A battle wasn’t the war
Pairing: Cregan Stark x Fem!Targaryen Reader
Warnings: Cursing, medieval and asoif customs, arranged marriage , AGE GAP, Cregan is 12 years OLDER than reader), a little angst, might miss some warnings
Wordcount: 2,4k
Notes: Cregan is scared of the reader and how much he is willing to renounce, and she won’t tell him why! jezzzz
“Lord Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, the King is most please to propose a marriage alliance between yourself, and his adoring niece, princess (Y/N) Targaryen”, he read, “it’s time to join our houses”, Aemond growled like a wounded animal and crumpled the letter under his fist and threw it to the fire.
“Those cunts want to take her from me”, he mumbled under his breath, his one eye set in the flames as the letter disappeared.
You had gone missing since yesterday evening, and he was waiting outside the small council meeting and he intercepted the letter.
He was fuming, fire burning through his veins. He took a long hitched breath, trying to contain his ire, if he saw his mother or anyone else right now he would grab them by the neck and he didn’t think he was going to let go before he saw the light disappear from their eyes.
You were his.
How dare they intervene with what was his? with his destiny.
He took the cup of dragonfire wine and draw it to his lips taking a long sip
Where the fuck where you?
If you were actually in that godforsaken place you call home he was going to go there, take you, make you his, he wouldn’t let go of you until you were swollen with his children, and then only then, he would take you to King’s Landing and marry you in front of Gods and Men, everyone was going to be there to see you were his and only his.
Fuck his mother
“Wait until you are betrothed, he is scared of you Aemond…”, two fucking years she made him wait and still, she batrayed him
This would not stay like this
“Aemond can’t know about this”, Alicent said, turning from the window with a hand over her mouth. She was truly scared of her own son, “he wil… I don’t even know what he is capable off”
“She ran off, it is not our fault”, Otto said, “the princess escaped on her own”. Steffon himself had told them about your whereabouts under your command. Once the morning struck, he would tell them you went North to Cregan Stark
“She went North”, she cried, “to offer herself to Cregan Stark like some… common whore”
“That common whore will win us the North”, he said, calmly
“Is she? to us?”, she said then, “she only thinks of herself”
“To the family that raised her? yes”, he said, certain of his words
“I told you we should have betrothed her to Aemond”, she said firmly, “and you didn’t listen, and now…”
“That wouldn’t have changed her mind, that girl had always been disassociated, and selfish”. Alicent curled her lips in a disgusted manner, her eyes big and scared.
“Aemond…”
“Will fall in line”, he assured her. “she is with the Starks now, we only need to receive the answer to the letter”
Cregan was hidden away in his office, late at night, he rubbed his forehead with his fingers looking for clarity. He was tempted to grab a cup of Ale, but resist the urge to, he needed mental clarity.
He had accepted the Princess’ hand in marriage
he felt pressured by her beautiful eyes filled with hope and fear of rejection, he had let himself be weak, again.
He had made a decision, two years ago, to never marry and let the leadership of Winterfell and the North fall into his youngest uncle’s line, his cousin. And he was going to marry someone else. He was going to marry his third wife. He had thirty name days, and he was about to marry his third wife.
That poor girl was probably going to die horribly in his arms…
He was cursed
And he was weak for letting it happen again
He sighed deeply looking at the flames of the fireplace in his room
Arra, Alyssane, and now this princess
Arra would be happy for him, she was so good, and kind… she would have wanted him to be happy, to have a family. He missed her so much, her light, her laugh… his childhood friend…
Alyssane on the other side… would have eaten that poor girl alive.
He shook his head
He couldn’t compare, he couldn't let himself compare them, he had barely thought about Arra or Alyssane in the last two years. And she wasn’t like anything he had seen or met before.
She was different
The exception to the rule, so unique and yet… what she needed out of this world was some basic things…
Love
Protection
Care
Loyalty
He could give her all those things… Winterfell… the whole North, could be able to give her all of those things…
But, was she willing to gain them? She was going to have to.
Was she going to survive the North? How was she fairing right now? lodged in one of the guest rooms under his roof, it was a cold night, Winter was coming. Was she cold? was she alright?
He raised from his seat and exited his private chambers, he roamed the hallways towards her assigned bedroom, and before he could reach said hallway, he ran into his sister.
He often wonders if she did it on purpose, if she knew he was coming.
His sister was a Greenseer, able to dreams things about to come true, and other abilities that were beyond his comprehension
“Our guest is tucked in and sleeping”, she announced, “poor thing was exhausted”
“Is she alright?”, he asked
“She was a little cold, give her extra furs, I made sure the servants will keep her fire going all night, she is going to be alright”
Cregan barely nodded
“Were you looking for her? Did you want to see her?”, she asked raising one of her dark brown eyebrows
“Don’t put ideas in your head, I just wanted to make sure she was comfortable”
“She seems so, way much that other southern lords we had lodged in this rooms”, she said enthusiastically
“Good”, he said, and turned around ready to return to the solitude of his rooms
“Wait!”, she asked, trying to catch up to his long steps
“What?”
“you accepted to marry her!”, she muttered, “how about that?”
“it was a failure in my judgment”
“You won’t regret it!”, she said hastily
“She doesn’t know what she is getting into”
“I know they call you the lone wolf, but you aren’t one, you know? you are a very human man, with very human needs”
“I’m aware!”, he growled
“And she is a young girl, who also has very human needs!”, she pointed out
“I’m also aware of that!”, he loved his sister with all his heart but for the old gods if she didn’t sometimes was “too much”. “I’m just saying!”, she said, amused, “you could scratch each other's itch!”
“Or this time I’m going to lose a wife to frostbite, or pneumonia!”, he said bitterly
“She is a fucking dragon, is she is cold she could set the whole of the Wolf’s woods aflame!”, she mocked
“I don’t know if I will be able to give her everything she needs”, he admitted
“You will”, she assured him, “I will too, the people here, will take to her”, she assured him
“I really hope you are right”
The very next day, Cregan had you seated in front of him.
You had break your fast in your room, nice servant girls brought you bread, cheeses and jams, and dark ale, and then Cregan had summoned you.
He stood there in front of you, dressed in gray furs, he stood tall and broad, his gaze freezing cold.
“I accepted the King’s proposal of us marrying”, he said firmly, “We have to send word of my acceptance, and the official state of our betrothal”, he said. You nodded
“I was aware that a letter was going to be send by the council, I don’t know why it haven’t arrived yet”, you said, intimidate by the gruff man in front of you
“Do you know any of the terms of this betrothal?”, he asked then
“Well, I know there is a dowry to be conceded to you upon our marriage, you see, I own a state near Runestone in the Vale”, he smiled gently
“I don’t care about those things”, he said, you nodded, “would you like to travel to King’s Landing to deliver the terms of our union yourself?”, and you turned pale.
You had fled the capital so fast you barely had anything on your person, any of your personal items, it was embarrassing, you didn’t have your clothes, your things… but you would left them anyways, you didn’t want to go back
But how could you tell him? that you were scared of one man, that when he learned of your betrothal he was not going to take it lightly
He had been tame this past years, Aemond, but you knew he was containing himself
When he learns you were betrothed… who knew what he was capable of?
“I think the crown would benefit from a quickly alliance”, you said vaguely
“You don’t want to return to King’s Landing”, he said, and you shook your head, he only nodded. And you were relieved he didn’t ask any questions about your refusal. “We will send word of my approval of this union”, he assured you, sitting in front of you on his big table, who served the purpose of a desk. The maester, who was standing in the corner facilitated him the elements to write a small missive
“I, Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, accept the King’s proposal of a marriage pact between princess (Y/N) Targaryen and I”, he wrote hastily. Then he put it aside and looked at you.
“Leave us”, he demanded and the Mester taking the letter he left the room. You thought fleetingly it was improper to be in a room alone with him, but then you didn't care any longer
“You will become Lady of Winterfell”, he said firmly
“Yes, I’m aware”
“You will live here, in Winterfell, with me”, he said gently
“I know”, you said, looking up
“North, far from everything you ever knew”, you nodded, and he sighed loudly, you looked up to him with big eyes.
“I know my lord”, you said gently but surely
Yes you were willing to leave everything behind, with only the hope to be better than you knew, than you had, to forge your own destiny, no matter how far.
“I follow the Old Gods, we don’t follow the seven in the North”, he said as a warning.
“Sara has told me”, you said slowly, “and if it pleases you, I would like to take to the old gods”, this surprised him greatly, “the seven had never done anything for me, so maybe, the old gods will accept me”, you said with a shy smile
You were willing to change to his gods, and that made Cregan tremble
Your determination was something to admire.
It was rather determination or dissociation of your former home.
He looked at you and he saw you so determined, so decisive, was it foolish of you?
Did he know the things he had done?
He had killed his own uncle, his own cousins, he had taken his seat, or rather, he had kept his seat dirting his hands with blood of his own kin. His wifes had died, he was no saint.
Yet, there you stood. Looking back at him with determination in your Valyrian eyes
“I will ask my things to be brought here”, you sentenced
“Very well”, he said, and he wanted to speak, he wanted to warn you, he wanted to persuade you to refuse this union.
The letter from King’s landing hasn't arrived yet and he doubt it will ever do it
He wanted something, someone, to save you, him, from this, but no…
Nothing ever did
You were here, flied half the country to present yourself to him
How could he ever refuse this?
You were here, you weren’t going anywhere.
The best he could do now was taking care of you, as best as he could.
He was going to be your refuge, and you, you were going to be his shield to politics and wandering eyes and bothering questions.
You smiled gently, and in your belly, you felt a sensation similar to when you flew in a dragon for the first time, your father had made Vhaelar turn in the air and your belly did somersaults inside you.
You felt vertigo.
But you only have to hold up tight and endure it
The North, cold rough, Cregan Stark…
Or Aemond Targaryen, Aegon, Alicent, Otto… King’s Landing, fear, family feuds, fights…
For you it was clear.
The letter of Cregan Stark, stating your presence in the court of Winterfell and his acceptance to your betrothal and wedding as soon as possible arrived in King’s Landing two days later.
By the council it was a relief, when Alicent went to King Viserys and let him know you were in the North with your betrothed he was happy, for the twenty seconds he could remember the information.
Your belongings started to get ready to travel for two months on their way to your new home.
For the court, you were never going to come back. And if it was up to you, you certainly weren’t
Everything seemed fine, well except for…
“I’m a prince of the crown, son of the King!”
“Aemond”
“And a savage, from that moodpit in the end of the world, is in a better position than me to betrothe my cousin?”, he bit off, “a royal princess?”
“It was best for everyone”, said Otto, “Boros Baratheon has four daughter, an alliance with him is of most importance”, he muttered
“I don’t give a fuck about a Baratheon cunt!, we need to keep the valyrian blood pure, not pollute it with…”
“Watch your tongue boy, don’t be a fool!”, warned his grandfather, “an alliance by marriage to the North is something that has never been accomplished before”
Aemond was fuming, all this says, you were hiding up North, with those paan savages, you weren’t in your home, where he sent word to, no, you were out of his grasp
For now
He thought bitterly.
“Her wedding is to be celebrated in a week, I advise you to keep yourself out of it”
“Who is going to be her in the ceremony, for her side?”, he asked bitterly
“Nobody, and don’t get any ideas”, Otto warned
“Just wondering”, he said back to him, amusement in his eye
“Aemond, don’t”, he warned. And he didn’t say anything.
taglist! ❤️
@severewobblerlightdragon @missusnora @stargaryenx @poppyreader @chainsawsangel @court-jester-stuff @batprincess1013
#misguidedwinter#cregan#cregan x reader#cregan stark#hbo house of the dragon#house targeryen#house targaryen#house of the dragon#targaryen!oc#targaryen!reader#house stark#stark#asoif/got#game of thrones#a song of ice and fire
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�� Sunshine and a little bit of hurricane •
Bucky Barnes x supersoldierF!reader Edelweiss (OFC)
A therapy session can change the perception of oneself? (Angst, mention of torture, mention of su!cide, bad self talk and bad self image, fluff)
Dr Reynor’ studio is neat and tidy, the giant picture of a forest, on the wall behind the sofa you’re sitting on, is placed to soothe the frustration of being closed between four walls. You watch the rain fall incessantly outside on the not so busy streets of Brooklyn Heights, the gentle pit pat against the glass is relaxing but the brisk click of your therapist’s pen brings you back to reality. You look at her and let out an exasperated sigh.
“You don’t talk, I write, remember?” She murmurs looking at you.
You exhale and you lower your gaze to your hands.
“since we talked about the tub, my nightmares got worse.” Your tone is more harsher than you wanted to, but it’s difficult to hide your frustration to not be able to sleep peacefully with your boyfriend. It’s a strange thing but you feel like you have a rock in your chest, a weight that makes it difficult for you to breathe, let alone sleep.
“Do you want to talk about what happens in your nightmares?” She asks, her tone is calm and even motherly.
“I’d prefer not to but I’m sure you’d be pushing it by telling me something like ‘talking about it makes it easier to move on’… easier my ass…” you reply bitterly before getting up from the sofa and nearing the window. “ there’s only one thing that I know for sure: I don’t want to feel ever again the way I felt back there…” You whisper looking outside.
“If you’re not ready to talk about your nightmares I’ll wait…it’s ok, Y/N.” Dr Reynor replies gingerly, like she’s talking to some scared animal.
“None of this is fucking ok…” you bite back. “ being here is not ok, what happened to me is not ok, what I became is not ok. They broke me and I’ll never be fixed” you can’t help the bitterness in your tone.
“What makes you think that you need to be fixed?” She asks quietly, you can feel her eyes on you.
You chuckle and you turn to look at her “ can’t you see?” You gesture to yourself with a scoff.
She smiles at you “ you’re not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender. You’re a survivor Y/N, but you don’t need to be fixed. you need to understand the person you are now and you need to remember that you’re not alone. You have James…and now even the Avenger’s crew” her words hit you hard, even if it’s difficult for you to really believe them.
You turn again to look outside “ after the tub, they couldn’t wipe me because doing both would had been too much for my already fried brain. That’s when I had some glimpse of my memories…fragments…I remember lying on the bed into my cell and even if I was exhausted I couldn’t sleep or even breathe sometimes…. Everything in that cell remembered me of James… every bloody time they left us alone, every kiss, every scar or bruise that we left on each other…we were so emotion starved that sometimes even pain was ok…just because it made us feel something…and the fact that he was gone without me was overwhelming” you murmur quietly closing you eyes, your memories so vivid.
“back there I thought several times about what it would be like if I killed myself...if he would miss me...would he cry?…but then the thought that he was gone and he left me there got me like’ why should he care?’ Why should I care?” You pause “ you know that he wants to propose? Did he tell you? I found the ring hidden in our closet…” you chuckle bitterly. “If he thinks that he was fucked up, when he was the winter soldier, he must reconsider because I got worse…really worse…In that cell I shutted down, I went completely numb…and every time they got me out for some mission it was always a bloodbath ….the more gruesome, the better…they wanted a killer machine? I obliged them…sometimes even enjoyed the killing…” you confess, your tone heavier then before, shame and disgust easily recognizable. “How can he desire to marry a damaged good like me?” You whisper just before the timer rings gently reminding you that your time is up.
“Don’t mind showing me the exit…I know the way…” you murmur pushing both your hands in your leather jacket’s pocket before moving toward the open door, as you are her last patient of the day and the two of you are the only ones left in the building.
She stands from her seat “You’re not damaged good, Y/N. What you did back there was a survival behavior. None here can judge you for that…. We’ll talk about that next time” she murmurs calm without trying to stop you.
Once outside the building you turn up your face to look at the cloudy sky, it’s raining heavier than when you get here. The chime of your phone claims your attention and when you take it out of your pocket you notice a message from Natasha.
“ mission alert. Meet me at the tower. Hill’s office in 30.”
“Copy. I’m on my way” you reply before getting your hood up and stepping into the rain. You make just a couple of steps before your vision goes black and you collapse on the sidewalk.
When you open your eyes, the white light on the ceiling is blinding you and you let out an annoyed whimper before you squint and turn your head to the side trying to evade that annoyance. Your head is pounding and you feel disoriented.
“She’s awake” you hear a feminine voice whisper gently.
“Thanks God…love, I’m here…” The voice of your boyfriend is low, you can feel the relief in his tone and finally you open your eyes to look at him.
“Where…where am I? What happened?…” you pause for a moment “ my head hurts so bad…” you murmur quietly trying to sit in the bed.
“We’re at the tower, at the medical bay…you went to you therapy session with dr Reynor…you had to meet with Tasha a couple hours ago…when you didn’t show up she alerted me and then dr Reynor called, telling me she found you collapsed on the sidewalk outside her studio…you scared the shit out me, doll” he explains while his hand caress lightly your face. You sigh loudly before slumping against the pillows. You feel an itch on your arm and when you look down you see that you have an IV attached. Before you can articulate any of your concerns you hear the door of your room open and Bruce made his entrance.
“Well, well…look who’s awake!” He murmurs too cheerfully for you taste. You let out a frustrated groan.
“ you scared us a little but don’t worry..it’s seems you just got a mild concussion and you’re a bit dehydrated…nothing too concerning for your condition…” Bruce replies with an encouraging smile.
“My condition? What do you mean?” You murmurs, looking at him with concern, you know for sure that you boyfriend got the same expression looking at the scientist.
“I…I thought you already knew…” Bruce stutters, trying to arginate the situation.
“What are you talking about Bruce? Am I dying?” You retort with a hint of panic in your voice.
He starts to laugh loudly and you give him a murderous look.
“No no…for heaven sake no! You’re going to be a mum” he murmurs giving you a reassuring smile.
“Wait, what?” Bucky asks with wide eyes. You try to rise from the bed but you feel your head spinning and nausea coming up leaving a disgusting taste on your tongue so you slump again on the pillows.
“Bad time for a joke Bruce…” you reply bitterly while you search for some water. The scientist is looking you movement and promptly gives you a glass with some ice cubes and water.
“ recently have you experienced some brain fog, nausea, maybe throwing up sometimes? Sensibility to smells? The sudden urge to eat ice or to take a nap in the middle of the day?” He asks politely.
“Yeah, my health hasn’t been great lately and so? My bloody nightmares are keeping me awake most of the nights…it natural that I want to nap during the day!” You reply quietly.
“When you had your last period, Y/N?” He asks you.
You look at him with wide eyes and for a moment you’re speechless. You don’t know when your last period was. You turn your head to search for your clothes, you know that your phone has the answer you need.
“My phone…I need my phone…” you whisper and you see Bucky promptly searching your jacket to give you your phone. With trembling hands you search the app where you track your menstrual cycle and to your surprise,when you open it, you see that your period is 4weeks late.
You gasp quietly and you lift your gaze from the phone to your boyfriend.
“Ok, I get it, you need to talk… I’ll leave you to it…” Bruce murmurs before exiting the room leaving the two of you alone.
The silence between you two is heavy. You look at him, his jaw clenched and his gaze low, as it’s too much to bear. He feels responsible to put this weight on your shoulders, who would want to carry the former winter soldier’s child?
“ I… I can’t be a mother…” you whisper, your eyes full of tears, the words you spoke with dr Reynor are haunting you: why would he want YOU to be the mother of his child? You and your fucked up brain.
He sighs quietly.
“ I know it’s a difficult situation and I know that’s my fault…I should‘ve been more careful…” he murmurs, guilt in his voice “ I shouldn’t burden you with this situation…I know that you love me and I’m grateful for that every single day and I’ll be for the rest of my life but I know it’s too much to carry my child.. who would want a father like the winter soldier?” He concludes with a whisper lowering his head.
“No, no…” you whisper cupping his face to look at him in the eyes, you can feel his pain and it kills you every time he felt so insecure due to the past he endured, he never had a choice. “ no James, you’d be a wonderful father…attentive, generous, protective, a perfect father…it’s me…I’m the one fucked up…I can’t be a mother…after all they did to me, I’m too damaged…I can’t be a good mother…and this child don’t deserve a mother like me…” you started to quietly pouring down all your doubts, all the fears that are haunting you, your sense of unworthiness, the “truth” that you think you had the choice to become what you become.
“Don’t you ever, EVER, speak like that again!” The way he’s grasping you by the arms, shaking you slightly to gave his words more power leave you speechless.
“You’re not too damaged, you’re the bravest, kindest being I’ve ever known in my entire life, despite what happened to you, you managed to explore your own darkness and save your heart. You stayed pure even if you walked through a fucking hell.” His choice of words is kicking you in the gut.
“I’m not as pure as you think!” You shout with desperation.
“ you are! Do you think I don’t know what if feels like to numb yourself and become what they wanted you to be? It’s easier than being wiped out every single time! You did what you had to do to survive and you can’t forgive me and do not forgive yourself for living and experiencing the exact same damn thing!” He shouts back.
Your sobs start silently before taking every fiber of your being and you fully start to cry, he hugs you tightly and you realize that the weight you felt on your chest is disappearing.
“You’re not too damaged. You’re not what they made you become.you’re strong as vibranium, love.and yes, you’re pure… You’re not even a ray of sun, you’re the fucking sunshine….and a little bit of hurricane…”he whispers in your ear while gently caressing your hair until your sobs subside.
He sits on the bed and he gently maneuvers you to sit in his lap so he can look at you in the face.
“Love, I know it’s a difficult situation and I’ll accept and I’ll love you no matter what you choose to do. It’s your body and it’s your choice. Do you want to make a family together?” He murmurs quietly.
“I’ve always wanted a family of my own…” you whisper “ I want a family with you…but I’m scared…” you confess. He hugs you.
“ that’s ok…if you want this…if you’ll have me…we’re in this together…” he murmur kissing the crown of your head.
“ you know that Dr Reynor will freak out when she’ll know that we’re having a baby?” You joke and the laugh that vibrates in his chest makes you giggle while now you feel the weariness of the whole day upon you.
" I think I'll take a nap..." you whisper softly before snuggling against your boyfriend.
“I’ve got you mama…” he whispers holding you tight against his chest and lulling you gently into sleep.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x y/n#buckyxedelweiss#edelweiss#bucky barnes x yn#bucky x you#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes#bucky angst#bucky fanfic
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Stucky fanfic recs
below you can find some of my all time favourite Stucky fics that have ruined my life 💕 not really sorted except for the first three which are my all time favourites
creative | canon adjacent | AU | modern AU | small steve | sexual content
United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015)
The Associated Press @AP
Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE
(Creative, canon adjacent)
End OTW Racism | Steve Rogers at 100: Celebrating Captain America on Film
“Heil Hydra,” the enemy agent shouts.
“Heil this, motherfucker,” says Captain America, shooting off a rocket.
Steve and Bucky find out Hollywood has been busy since they went away. A historical survey, including but not limited to: one set of exploded genitals, a brief interlude in France, Mel Gibson and other masterworks of casting, eight Academy awards, several dinosaurs, and something Tony Stark has ominously dubbed “the masterpiece.” Art included.
(creative, canon adjacent)
A long winter
In 1945, Steve Rogers jumps from a nosediving plane and swims through miles of Arctic Ocean to a frozen shore.
In 1947, Steve Rogers marries Peggy Carter.
In 1966, the New York Times finds the lost letters of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.
(AU)
Just say you do
Steve just wanted a job. He wasn't expecting a marriage proposal. And he certainly wasn't expecting to accept.
(Modern AU, small Steve)
ain't no grave (can keep my body down)
It's six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.
For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don't. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It's very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.
I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.
Steve sits down hard on the steps.
(Canon adjacent)
casual encounters
“You have never once been careful in your entire life.” Bucky huffs out a laugh. He looks away. “Maybe I’m offended you didn’t think to ask me.” He says it like a joke, but he can’t bring himself to laugh again.
“Bucky,” Steve says, scandalized. “You’re my friend. I’m not gonna use you to experiment sexually.”
(Modern AU, small Steve, sexual content)
If they haven't learned your name
Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital. “I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.”
“That is not standing,” Sam tells him.
“You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.”
aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.
(Canon adjacent)
choices we're given
Steve Rogers is a good man and a good agent. There's really no excuse for the assassin in his bed.
(Modern AU, sexual content)
through the woods
There’s a legend in Mansewood, nearly as old as the town itself, about a pack of werewolves that once lived in the forest. They say only one survives; a monstrous and snarling beast with fur like a blizzard and fangs the size of daggers. They say it guards the lands and all creatures in it, and no hunter has faced it and lived to tell the tale.
Steve doesn’t care about any of that. He only wants to know if it prefers T-Bone or ribeye, and would it please stop tracking dirt through his house? He just mopped the floor.
(Modern AU, sexual content)
#stucky#steve rogers#captain america#james bucky buchanan barnes#the winter soldier#fanfiction#fanfiction recommendation#ao3#steve x bucky#steve rogers x bucky barnes#bucky barnes#recommendations#ao3 recs#resurrect stucky 2024
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Heyy!! So lately I've been in a very domestic, fluffy feel. SOOO NOW IM PROJECTING THAT onto this request rq teehee. I was wanting to do one for Percy, with season two out I missed the angsty gunslinger on screen.
Set after the campaign, maybe during winter's crest? As of you and Percy coming back to whitestone for the occasion, its decided to round up all of Vox Machina. For a night of fun amongst friends, with a whole lot of ale to go around and stories to tell.
Percy seems distant lately, staying more to his workshop and genuinely his own tasks. Not like his workshop isn't already a second room, it's just ODD to say the least.
As the day rolls around, everyone starts to arrive at whitestones castle. With happy greetings and laughs, that night's activities begin. To sum it up , Percy proposes to reader. Thinking it would be a nice gesture to pull. Also cause I know this extra bitch would make a ring for you.
I know it sounds cheesy but like hear me outtt!! The moment just sounded so sweet to me and I NEEDED to send this in. I'm a sucker for this cute content <3
Byeee Saph!!! :D
A proposal you asked for, a proposal you'll get. Fluff and cheese and all of the things. Sorry for the wait but I hop the 3.6k word count made up for it. Hope you enjoy and thanks for requesting! 😘
“I’ll be right with you, dear!” He’s spoken and shouted those words over the noise of his ongoing projects far too many times. Percy feels somewhat guilty for all but banishing you from his workshop and hiding this one secret project of his. He’s been so caught up in it; it has to be perfect after all. But that did mean he couldn’t spend as much time with you and his mind is elsewhere whenever he does leave his workshop. He’s seen your accepting but sad smiles whenever he wanders off. His heart hurts when he finishes late and you’re already in bed, asleep and alone curled up on your side because he missed yet another dinner. It’s reached the point where he’s been considering just spilling he beans. He doesn’t want to hurt you over some stupid secret but you’re so damn understanding and accepting. Of course you’re disappointed when he does join you for a meal and he informs you he has errands to run and won’t be back until late. You’d simply give him a kiss and wish him good luck. He’s barely seen you outside of your overlapping responsibilities. He just feels bad. But then there’s a breakthrough!
The door to his workshop slams open, or rather off its hinges entirely. Now very few people are able to break a deadbolted several inch thick heavy steel door clean off its hinges and that immediately signals him; it’s not you at that door. Given the shadow that all but blocks the light from entering He knows enough. He’s all but grabbed by the shoulders and lifted from his seat and can barely settle his things before he’s dragged out of his workshop.
“Come on Percy, you’re not going to let us have all the fun, are you?” Scanlan speaks in a sing-song voice when he’s pushed into the hallway and sees the gnome casually leaning against the wall like the arsehole he is.
“I was perfectly content finishing my work instead.” He counters but Scanlan wouldn’t have it.
“We’re having a night out, like old times! Let’s drink dry a tavern! Start some fights!” The gnome tries to persuade him and while anything coming out of Scanlan’s mouth should always be questioned, He can’t help but long for some normalcy. No matter how much he might pretend to hate the ruckus his friends cause which inevitably ended with them getting kicked out of the establishment, district or even city, he likes it and misses it. And before he know it he’s spiralling in memories of you, covering his back while he tries to fight off that minotaur barkeep, and the time where you smashed that stein in pieces thug’s head. He also thinks of the conversations you’ve had, the things you learned about each other, and the sometimes drunken ramblings where your questionable theories actually hold some weight. He misses it all. He misses the glint in your eye right before you’re about to absolutely decimate some card players. He misses your laughter at Keyleth’s horrible jokes, and your caring side when she has a little too much. He misses your little battles of charm with Vex as the two of you attempt to have the group drink for free and negate the expense of the damages done to the establishment or people.
Percy is so caught in his mind that he automatically walks with when Scanlan and Grog begin to move. He doesn’t even put up a fight. He’ll have this one night. He’ll enjoy it. Then he realises how bloody stupid he is.
“Excuse me. I’ll meet you there.” He turns on his heels but comes face to face with Grog’s chest.
“Nuh-uh! Pike said she won’t let us have any ale if we don’t bring you back.” Grog pouts at the thought of being refused ale. No surprise there.
“And what’s your motive?” Percy wonders out loud. He already knows the answer and Scanlan just raises an eyebrow implying the same.
“You really wanna know?”
“Point taken.” Percy shakes his head, takes a step back from Grog but that doesn’t mean he’s not craning his neck to stare up at him. “If you have to come along, be my guest. I just need to get something from my workshop. That is all.” Scanlan shrugs at Grog. Grog shrugs back. Scanlan shrugs again. So does Grog. Percy’s already sick of this so he just starts walking and they follow whispering not so inconspicuously. He still choses to block him out.
Once back at the workshop he engages the safety door; not ideal but at least it wards off snoopers. He walks over to his work bench, sits down and pulls open one of the drawers under it. He pulls out two bands of precious metal, notices they’re a bit dirty and quickly cleans them with a rag. He sees Scanlan peeking around the corner. The gnome knows not to enter his workshop but Grog has no such reservations, not even when he tried to ingest some very caustic materials.
“Ooh! What are those for?” Grog exclaims trying to peak over his shoulder.
“What? What is it Grog? Get out of the way I can’t see. Ugh.” Scanlan tries to look around the goliath blocking his view right now.
“Nothing concerning you.” Percy replies but Grog talks over him.
“They’re fancy rings. Super shiny.” He says and Percy just sighs, pockets the set of rings and gets up walking around Grog and back towards the doorway.
“You’ve been making some jewelled cock rings or something? I might have a commission for ya. Something with diamonds-“ Scanlan keeps going but Percy tunes him out. He’s had plenty of time to practice ignoring the bard after all. They continue their journey to the tavern Vox Machina had chosen.
The Tavern is already lively with people and music by the time they enter. The rest of Vox Machina had already taken up a table and safeguarded it from any thieves with death stares for those who didn’t recognise them. They’d already started dwindling the top shelf by the looks of it. You’re leaning your elbow on the back of Vex’ chair as she plays a game with Keyleth. You point at a card but in doing so, with some sleight of hand exchange it for Vex to gain the better hand. You haven’t noticed him yet, or so it seems. So Percy casually walks up beside you, lets his hand drift to your back to draw your attention and when you look over your shoulder, whatever words he wanted to say, fall completely silent. His lips part but no words leave. You chuckle and rise fully, brush your fingers along his arm and press your lips to his in a greeting.
“Hello to you too.” You grin when you pull back and Percy’s somewhat come to his senses. You pass some coins to Vex who takes them with a ‘thank you, darling’ and keeps playing her card game with the druid.
“What was that for?”
“Well, I may or may not have lost a bet.” You lace your fingers with his and pull him along to the abandoned seats only to see yours has been dragged off to another table. You have half the mind to demand it back but haven’t had nearly enough to drink to start a tavern brawl this early into the night, so you just push Percy to sit in the remaining empty chair and sit yourself down across his lap.
“Do elaborate.” His arm wraps around your waist as you lean over the table to grab the bottle of wine and an empt glass. You pour a drink and hand it to him while Pike slides over your own glass and you wink a thanks. She raises her cup.
“Vex said you’d walk through the door willingly because you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself. I said Grog would drag you by the back of your coat while Scanlan loudly announced our esteemed presence to this good folk in song.” He gives you a disapproving look. You hide your smile behind your glass. “Oh please, not as if it would have been unlikely.” The look fades very slowly as it only puts more truth to your statement. Were it any other situation he might have been the victim of just such a scene.
“I don’t get it! Why do you always keep winning?” Keyleth hiccups and Pike and you share a look as the cleric quickly takes Keyleth’s cup, downs it, and fills it with water before putting it back in its previous place. You exchange a nod.
“That’s because she’s cheating.” Vex might as well have shot him then and there given the look Percy receives at his comment.
“Are you calling me a cheater, Percy?” Her eyes narrow leading you to interpose yourself between the two; an easily achieved feat given you’re in his lap. You tap his arm, telling him to let it go.
“I’m merely saying you apply different rules to the game than commonly accepted.”
“I knew Vex wasn’t cheating.” Grog mumbles but gets his bubble burst pretty quickly. He still doesn’t get it though. An argument ensues though none of it serious. Keyleth tries to steal a card from the deck using her druidcraft but doesn’t pan out well. To be fair, drunk Keyleth and magic use have not and will never go well together, Voice of the Tempest or not. Before you know it some other patrons rather rudely insists you and your friends take this elsewhere or they’ll make you. You should have known the moment Grog smiled, this wouldn’t end well. And in a matter of seconds a fight ensued. It spread like wildfire like any tavern brawl does. You let them fight it out, stay seated with Percy as you two clink your glasses together.
“So how has your day been?”
“Uneventful until now.” Percy speaks casually. “And yours?” You bite the inside of your cheek in the way he knows you to do when you’re trying to formulate a nice answer as opposed to a more unfiltered one.
“Eventful. Given our friends arrived a couple of hours ago. You’re welcome by the way. I managed to keep them from exploring the clocktower on their own.” You take a sip of your wine.
“Oh thank the gods.” He breathes in relief. You spared him a likely disaster. “How will I ever repay you?” He adds a bit more dramatically. Maybe it’s the wine. You laugh.
“Marry me?” Were he less schooled in proper etiquette he might have spewed across the table. He looks around but no caught on, they’re too occupied in the fight. You’re content being a witness for now it seemed. Percy worries you might have caught on somehow, that you might have figured it out but you don’t let anything show. “I’m joking. Partially. One day. If you ask nicely but for now, think we should help them out?” You gesture to the tavern-wide brawl and save the bottle you two were sharing before someone is thrown onto the table and pummelled right in the face by Pike.
“Yes. You’re probably right.” He blurts out and downs his whole glass. You down the last bit of your glass, a large swig from the bottle and get up. You offer your hand. Percy takes it as well as the bottle as you help him to his feet. He feels like he is going to need that booze to deal with the near heart attack you gave him but before he can take a swig of his own he’s forced to turn the bottle into a weapon. Quickly he turns it in his grasp and hits it over the head of some man charging for the both of you. The man didn’t see the blow coming and glass shatters along with the remaining liquid inside.
“What a waste of a perfectly good chardonnay.” You pout.
“I’ll get you a new one.” He’ll buy you a whole cellar’s worth if you want. He might actually…
“My hero.” You joke pulling Percy aside and aiming a high kick at the face of another drunkard coming for the two of you. You peck his cheeks before the fight continues and you’re no longer able to have this brief bubble of solitude. You’re in the fray now but you’re in it together. Together and you kick some ass. It’s magnificent and just as he had thought, it does feel like old times. You’re having a grand old time. He’s not ashamed to admit you saved his ass when he got a little sentimental and couldn’t shake a certain memory or simply stopped to admire your magnificence.
But all good things get even better when the guard shows up and Vox Machina ends up running like some juvenile troublemakers. The guards didn’t notice who you were and you doubt any of you look like the respected and well known group of heroes in this state and so you took advantage of this. Scram! You ran and enjoyed losing their trail but as a group of stumbling oafs that’s an incredibly difficult thing to do and so you separated. You stuck with Percy pulling him into alleyway and street though he could have pointed out the fastest and quickest way back to the castle. It’s his city after all but he enjoyed living in this moment and when you pushed him against the wall a couple of times pressing close to him while trying to cover your own giggles, you were simply adorable. He was going to make this moment last. By the time you got closer to the castle district you’d been going so long what little booze you had had all but faded.
“So how about we continue this inside over a bottle of true top shelf from Emon? I brought some from my last visit. I think you’ll appreciate the vintage.” The two of you begin to climb the stairs of Whitestone Castle.
“That’s a fantastic idea…” You nod satisfied with his answer. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you…” Percy can feel the blood pumping in his ears, his entire body is pulsing. He feels short of breath, and everything is just chaos but so right at the same time. You look over the city.
“Did you hear that?” You wonder but Percy gently grabs your chin, turns you to face him and standing level with you; the castle to one side, the town to the other. This is it. This is the moment.
“Tonight was quite enjoyable. I’ve missed times like these. My fondest memories are in the trivial things. I couldn’t help but reminisce-“ You smile and bring your palm up to cup his cheek.
“Is that why you almost got a barrel to the head and thrown through a window? Because you got distracted?” You jest and peck your lips to his briefly brushing your thumb along his cheekbone.
“I’m trying to say something nice and you’re making a fool out of me.” He returns in jest.
“Okay okay. I’m listening. Please continue proclaiming your undying love for me.” He lets his fingers slip into your hair and gives an ever so light tug. “Oi!” You exclaim and roll your eyes at him but smile. You’ve had your fun. He knows you’re joking but little did you know in part that was very much his intention. The irony. He’ll forever hold it over your head. As you would want and expect him to do. He needs to keep you on your toes after all, or you might accuse him of slacking on the job.
“I’ve not been the partner I should have been for the last few days. I’m aware of my flaws and you have put up with them, you’ve scolded me for them and pulled me out of my own insanities. You keep me walking the path I did not ever think I could. I owe my life, my home, my world to you and I could not ever repay you for what you have given me. I feel my life would be duller without you in it. I’d be lost with out you. Perhaps it is selfish of me to think so but I would love to have you at my side, to be at your side for the rest of our lives.” Rarely does he get you speechless. You always have something to say, some witty remark, some teasing quip or just some input. He’s always welcomed it. He always will but now it is your turn stand there wide-eyed processing his words, lips parted ever so lightly. You had been stroking your thumb along his cheekbone before but your motions had frozen. You try to formulate a response and he awaits patiently.
“If you’re selfish then so am I. Let us be selfish together.” You smile and pull him into a deep kiss. He still hadn’t asked the question he intended to ask but he’ll take this moment. He gets caught up in it for a while until he breaks the kiss. He leans your head against his, reaches into his breast pocket. Your eyes dart to the side but you decide to ignore whatever caught your attention. He takes one of your hands and within it you feel something cold and metal.
“Will you marry me?” Percy breathes. This is not what he intended or how he intended it to go but he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t analyse it to death. He couldn’t plan every single detail. This, this was just perfect. No grand displays, no banquet or a fancy ball. Instead it was a night out with a tavern brawl and a run from the authorities. It was perfect and now here, on the steps of his home, at the root of his life in this moment he entangles it with you.
You look down, at the rings in your hand; two of them, one beautifully detailed but not ostentatious. The set stones are precious and enhance the design. The other is a slightly simpler version, more muted but still beautifully made. You’ve never seen anything like it. They’re unique and that’s when you realise what they’re made from. Your first job with Vox Machina. Percy had given his share to Vex as he always tended to do with his earnings. She resided over the finances. You’d come across a beautifully made silver broach, large and very ostentatious made from platinum and set with the most gaudy aquamarine and diamonds. You’d told him he should keep it; because you thought it matched his eyes and should he ever need a rainy day fund, that piece would make him a king for a day. He’d kept it. He’d kept it all these years. The stones had been cut down to smaller ones and the platinum melted to form the bands. They’re beautiful. They’re perfect and you know Percy well enough he would have trusted no jeweller with this task. He’d have trusted non but his own hands.
“You made these?” You ask enthralled as you pick up the simpler of the bands.
“Yes.” He’s practically shaking in anticipation. You take his hand, and place the ring around his finger.
“If you even for a single second-“ His heart beats so fast he thinks he might pass out. He’d almost be more content facing the Briarwoods as opposed to dealing with this stress.
“Of course I’ll marry you.” Percy feels like he can breathe again.
“Oh thank the gods. I thought I might have fainted.” He chuckles as he takes the remaining ring from your palm and places it on your own finger.
“I’d have caught you.” The image passes through his mind.
“Before or after you had a laugh?” He never said it was a graceful image.
“Can’t have my husband-to-be mess up his handsome face, now can I?” You grin and press your lips to his entwining your hands. That satisfying feeling; of that cold metal against your skin, and feeling it on his, that’s something out of this world you could not have begun to describe.
“Excuse me?! You were going to propose all this time and made us miss like half if it?” Scanlan pushes forward, clothes stained by you don’t even want to know what. “I would have made an awesome show! We could have had fireworks, music, hell, I’d even teach Grog an interpretive dance.”
“Intentrepative what now?” The goliath seems more focussed on the leaking barrel of ale on his shoulder.
“Wait you’re engaged? To who?” Keyleth clearly hasn’t sobered up yet and is leaning on Vex who just pats the girl’s arm.
“Let’s get you sobered up, Keyleth.” She begins dragging the druid past you and up to the palace but not without a quick “Congratulations.” and the implication of leaving you to enjoy your moment.
“I’m officiating.” Pike follows suit and begins ushering the others forward as well. You watch them make their way up the stairs.
“That’s our life in a nutshell, right there.” You claim.
“I couldn’t agree more.” He takes a step forward and your entwined hands urge you to join. You do without a moment of hesitation, unable to wipe that smile of your face. Neither can Percy by the looks of it. That’s okay. You can be fools tonight. You’ll be fools in the morning still and when people come knocking. You’ll tell them to fuck off and be fools a moment longer.
“You sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” You ask jokingly.
“Oh yes.” That’ll do.
#percy de rolo x reader#legend of vox machina x reader#vox machina x reader#critical role x reader#percival de rolo x reader#critical role#vox machina#legend of vox machina#percy de rolo#percival de rolo#critical role fanfiction#critical role fanfic
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Carsonian's 2023 SteveTony Fics [Masterpost]
In 2023, I wrote a total of 244,222 words spread across 32 fics. That's uhh a lot.
Open the envelope below for a comprehensive fics recap.
[NO FICS IN JANUARY]
FEBRUARY
"No Return, No Return" | 18,231 words | T | 5 Feb
In many ways, Tony Stark has spent his whole life waiting to meet something real enough to test himself against. He hadn't planned on it being Steve Rogers.
(A re-imagining of Steve and Tony pre-/post-Avengers (2012) with a spotlight on their relationship.)
"Who's Gonna Love You, Baby?" | 1,814 words | M | 13 Feb
"It's Valentine's Day today." Steve says, hand fanning out in a stilted, explanatory gesture to a storefront decorated with bouquets of red and pink flowers. A glossy "Happy Valentine's Day" is sprawled in an elegant font across the window.
"...Yeah? Didn't you—" Tony looks Steve over, "Oh. You didn't know."
(Steve forgets about Valentine's Day. Tony reassures him that
there's still plenty of time to celebrate.)
"A Wish Your Heart Makes" | 2,041 words | M | 22 Feb
The absolute last thing Steve's expecting is Tony Stark, and so it's fairly in character for the man to be standing on the other side of the door.
"Hi." Tony looks impatient, greeting barely out before he's walking past Steve and into the apartment.
MARCH
"Fed Love From A Spoon" | 1,319 words | M | 4 Mar
Steve wakes up slowly.
(Or,
The accidental moments that move a relationship further, make its foundations stronger.)
"Since We've Been Together" | 1,788 words | T | 13 Mar
"Marry me." On his life, he couldn't tell how the words came out. Whether they were loving or demanding or whispered. He only knew that once they left his lips, the following breath came as easy as his first one right after receiving the serum.
(Steve proposes to Tony, right after a battle.)
"Never Let You See (Baby, What You Mean To Me)" | 12,881 words | M | 15 Mar
Steve Rogers' life was the kind of romantic comedy that most people would find themselves cringing out of watching after the first twenty minutes.
(A.K.A. the summer camp fic where Steve is a pining mess, Tony is an unrepentant brat, and there's a game of prison break to be won.)
"We Tell You, There's No Substitute!" | 2,911 words | T | 19 Mar
Steve pulled the door open.
"I didn't know where else to go." Tony said brokenly.
Steve promptly shut the door.
[NO FICS IN APRIL & MAY]
JUNE
“Ain’t It A Shame, Too Bad?” | 4,505 words | G | 8 Jun
On his twenty-fourth birthday, Tony was saved from drowning by a man he has yet to find. In other news, Tony’s fallen hard for the mute, scrawny blond that washed up on his kingdom’s shoreline two-and-a-half days ago. These two things can’t possibly be related, can they?
(Spoiler(s): They’re related.)
“One Final Surprise” | 1,588 words | G | 18 Jun
Tony accidentally calls Steve from the flip-phone after his wedding gets called off.
“Take Two: It Takes Two” | 1,234 words | G | 18 Jun
Steve and Tony navigate the ups and downs of their first date.
(Post-Endgame!AU)
“Forgive The Winters, Keep No Records” | 8,833 words | T | 18 Jun
Tony recovers from his twenty-three days in space. Guess who volunteers to help him through it?
“You Can Never Get Enough (Enough Of This Stuff)” | 3,554 words | G | 25 Jun
“No effing way.” Tony deadpans.
“Tony!” Steve wheels around, arms thrown out in splendiferous delight, “Hey, everybody, it’s Tony!”
(A.K.A. Steve gets drunk off Asgardian liquor and broadcasts his feelings towards Tony in the most ridiculous manner. This is incredibly confusing for Tony.)
JULY
“Sees You The Same As Before” | 2,886 words | T | 3 Jul
Tony’s been dating Steve for five months and thinks he’s got their relationship totally worked out when Steve starts bringing up random moments from their past. Tony has a very normal reaction to it.
For the prompt fill: things you said after we fell in love
“Such A Feelin’ That My Love (I Can’t Hide)” | 2,765 words | G | 5 Jul
Steve’s birthday wish is to go on a date with Tony. He has to win him over first.
For the prompt fill: AvAc Steve’s birthday
“Be Their Own Star Witness” | 9,017 words | M | 14 Jul
Leading up to their wedding, Steve and Tony make a pact not to start any arguments with each other.
This is a problem. Tony finds a unique solution, and Steve reaps the benefits.
For the prompt fill: things you said when you thought I was asleep.
“Transcendental Blues” | 1,177 words | G | 17 Jul
The best place to be after an argument with your partner is in the collapsed ruins of a building. Having said partner as your only company and being mortally wounded is an especial bonus.
For the prompt fill: trapped together while one of them is injured
AUGUST
“I Can See Clearly Now The Blindfold’s Gone” | 3,577 Words | M | 1 Aug
“Then, without further ado, I’d like to offer my sincere congratulations to the two of you for winning the all-expenses paid date.”
“What?” Steve straightens.
“Pass.” Tony says at the same moment.
(A.K.A. Modern, No Powers AU where Steve and Tony go on everyone’s favourite internet shitshow, “The Button”.)
For the prompt fill: blind date au
“Just Wanna Feel Your Touch (When It’s Cold)” | 1,339 words | M | 16 Aug
Steve’s got a press conference to deal with but he’s more worried about Tony’s cold hands.
Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: “Rescue Me”
“'Cause It’s You and Me (and All of the People)” | 8,945 words | T | 19 Aug
Steve and Tony discover that they’re soulmates in their senior year of high school. As they wrestle with this realisation and try to build out a genuine relationship in the backdrop of high school nonsense and college admissions stress, they’re met with a ridiculous number of hurdles in the form of every friend in their circle recruiting them as “fake dates”.
(A.K.A. the high school soulmates AU where they keep getting pulled into fake dating schemes for other people, told in a chatlog / texting format)
Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: “WTF”
“We Just Keep Going” | 1,829 words | M | 23 Aug
A coda to “Here I Am & Here You Are” where Steve and Tony go and visit the Chip 'n Dale duo in New Orleans.
(A.K.A. Established relationship, banter-y nonsense.)
“Must Admit I’m Out of Bright” | 2,606 words | T | 25 Aug
Steve’s got a handful of bullets in his abdomen and Stark’s looking at him all funny.
Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: “Pain”
SEPTEMBER
“The Remarkable People Initiative & The Zugzwang Dilemma” | 64,297 words | E | 6 Apr-1 Sep
Steve Rogers and Tony Stark first met as promising candidates of The Remarkable People Initiative when they were children.
Twenty-four years later, Tony shows up at Steve’s doorstep.
(The Mysterious Benedict Society AU.)
OCTOBER
“Only Natural to Harden Up” | 33,575 | E | 19 Sep-5 Oct
As they’re settling into their new relationship, Steve opens up to Tony about a fantasy he’s long had of Tony in lingerie. This awakens some new insecurities in Tony, and he’s left weighing how to indulge Steve’s interest without ruining their hard-earned intimacy.
(Post-Endgame, Everyone-Lives-AU; established but developing relationship.)
“Stupid Mouth Shut” | 16,473 words | T | 13-29 Oct
Tony invites Steve out for a coffee, and during their conversation, Steve starts to suspect that Tony’s going to confess that he has feelings for him. This freaks Steve out, seeing as he’s never even thought of Tony in that way, and is now going to have to reject him, possibly ruining their friendship forever. But when Tony confesses that he’s got feelings for Thor, Steve’s surprised to find that instead of being relieved, he’s actually kind of… disappointed?
For the prompt fill: accidental love confession and jealous Steve Rogers
“In Love with a Strict Machine” | 12,809 words | M | 31 Oct
After an honourable discharge from the War, Steve is relocated to a suburban neighbourhood where he stands out as the only Monster around. Soon after, T0ny, a Cyborg he knew briefly during the War, moves in next door. Steve’s long carried a hidden flame for the man, and decides to take their paths reconnecting as a sign to finally make a move.
(A.K.A. the Halloween fic where Steve is Frankenstein’s monster, Tony is a cyborg, and they are pathologically drawn to each other.)
NOVEMBER
“Got So Much Honey, the Bees Envy Me” | 1,891 words | G | 4 Nov
Tony takes a hit in a battle, and comes out of his surgery a little confused. Thankfully, his husband, Steve, is there to talk him through it.
“Just About Starving Tonight” | 3,080 words | M | 14 Nov
Tony is just trying to get through an evening of courting and dancing when Steve, the new Alpha in town, approaches him for a dance. Tony tries to turn him down, thinking the Alpha’s mistaken him for an Omega, but is taken aback when Steve assures him that Tony’s exactly who we wants to dance with.
(A.K.A. a non-traditional A/B/O meet-cute.)
“The More Things Seem to Change” | 2,123 words | T | 16 Nov
The prince comes to their base in the twilight hours of the night, asking to talk to Steve. Bucky already knows where this is going to lead.
(A.K.A. Medieval-cyberpunk fusion AU where Tony is a prince, Steve is a gang leader, and they used to date.)
Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: “Historical”
“The More They Stay the Same” | 1,088 words | G | 21 Nov
Bucky was meant to take Tony back to the station twenty-five minutes back.
(A.K.A. Medieval-cyberpunk fusion AU where Tony is a prince, Steve is a gang leader, and they’re dating.)
“Hyperballad” | 2,339 words | T | 29 Nov
Steve’s going through something. Tony tries to talk to him about it.
(A.K.A. Established relationship, Depressed!Steve Rogers, Recovering Alcoholic!Tony Stark, and a decent amount of emotional hurt/comfort)
DECEMBER
"I'm Jealous of Your Neck (It Gets to Hold Your Head)" | 5,789 words | E | 6 Dec
Steve's going through a rut fever. His vampire roommate, Tony, is very worried about him.
(A.K.A. "oh my God they were roommates" ft. werewolf!Steve and vampire!Tony.)
Stony Bingo 2023 Round 2: "KINK: Multiple Orgasms"
+ one more fic from the 2023 Captain America/Iron Man Holiday Exchange. Will reblog with the addition once reveals go public.
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A Moment Like This (Vi x Reader)
𝗔/𝗡: 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝟭𝟬 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝟭𝟮 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗙𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲!
𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘁: 𝗜𝗰𝗲𝘀𝗸𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦/𝗼.
𝗦𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗗𝗼 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀? 𝗯𝘆 𝗕𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗶𝗱
𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?
In all your years of fighting to survive. In all your years of fighting to live. To eat. To sleep with a roof over your head. To not get robbed blind. To not die- you don’t think you ever dreamed of having a moment like this.
“Vi! Come here!
You don’t think you have ever dreamed of having fun like this.
The smile on your face feels so effortless. Hard to keep down. Hard to change. You imagine in this moment, you look like a young child. Carefree and innocent. Looking to explore a world they’re not quite ready for. But a world they’re going to travel and explore and discover nonetheless. And you can’t imagine the last time you felt yourself take on such an expression. You can’t imagine the last time you saw someone else feel this way.
But in a moment like this, you don’t think you can spare another thought towards strangers. Because as much as you want to. Because as much as you care. You just don’t know if you’ll ever get a moment, a feeling, a smile like this ever again.
So for now…
“I’m coming, cupcake. No need to rush me.”
You’ll cherish it.
“You’re so slow,” You complained with a soft laugh as she ice skated towards you. Vi doesn’t say anything to you at first- she only raises an eyebrow as she skates towards you with her hands in her pockets. Your smile grows wider, and the impatient side of you decides to push off on your skates and meet her halfway. Even though she’s moving significantly faster and more confident than you are.“How dare you! Making me wait like that!”
This time, it’s Vi’s turn to smile at your show of faux-annoyance. The second you’re within her reach, her hands are pulling themselves out of her pockets and landing on your hips. The sudden movement catches you off guard as she tugs you closer. But like always, she’s there to catch you and to keep you upright.
It was Vi’s idea to go ice skating. When she first proposed it to you, you thought she was out of her mind. You lived your entire life in the Undercity. No matter how cold winter may be in Piltover, your world was far too hot to ever see a lake freeze over. Or much less, a single drop of snow. But then she told you about a place that she found through Caitlyn. A place that was so pretty and so magical. A place that just didn’t exist in the Undercity. A place that couldn’t exist in the Undercity.
But magical doesn’t do all its justice when describing this place. You’ve never seen a frozen lake before, but you imagine this must have been the most beautiful one of all. A pale surface colored a light, light, light blue. At first glance, you would have thought it to be fragile. You would have thought it to be delicate. Yet when you stepped out on the ice with the skates that Vi gifted with you, there was nothing but the strength and the power of nature beneath you. Holding your weight and your happiness and your hope to enjoy moments like this in the future.
But the lake is far from the only thing that caught your eye. Surrounding the lake was a beautiful forest- hiding the two of you away from all signs of civilization. A giant thicket of trees and bushes, plants alike. They were all coated in a slight dusting of snow. A subtle reminder on top of the chill you feel in your bones about just how cold you were. Even so, the cold doesn’t stop you from admiring the gorgeous forest that shields you. Even so, the cold doesn’t stop you from enjoying the majestic ice beneath your skates that holds you.
Even so, the cold doesn’t stop you from enjoying yourself. From enjoying her. From enjoying this.
“Oh how horribly tragic,” She responds to your words with a sarcastic lilt of her own. She leans in close to your face, the corners of her lips quirked up in a knowing look that never fails to get you excited. She knows you too well. She knows that her hands on your body, even through your worn-out coat, is enough to get your heart racing. She knows that a single heated look into your eyes as she peers down at you is enough to get your mouth watering. And she knows that cute gestures like this- big or small- is enough to make you fall in love all over again. “Is there anything I could do to regain your favor? Anything at all, cupcake? Anything?”
She moves impossibly closer into your space, and you find your head tilting up out of pure instinct alone. She’s only a hair away from your lips, so close to closing the distance yet she refuses to move forward. And so you’re stuck with the feeling of her warm breath against your lips teasing you. Toying with you. Tempting you into wanting more, more, more. More of something only she can give you. More of something only she can provide you with. More of her in general. So you take it.
You take what’s yours. Your happiness. Your excitement. Your moment.
“I can…think of a few things I might want.” You drawl out, ready to keep playing the game.
“A few things?” She asks you, but you know the question isn’t real. You know she knows what you want. You know that because you know she wants it too. But where’s the joy in moving fast? Where’s the joy in getting right to the point? Where’s the joy in skating straight lines when you have a whole world, a whole lake that’s frozen over for you to enjoy? “And…what might those few things be?”
Where’s the joy in choosing not to seize the day? The one-time opportunity? The chance of a lifetime?
“Hmmm…wouldn’t you like to know, lover girl?”
Where’s the letting a moment like this pass you by?
#vi league of legends x reader#vi arcane x reader#vi arcane#vi league of legends#vi#vi x reader#arcane league of legends#league fanfic#league of legends x reader#league x reader#league fanfiction#league of legends fanfiction#league of legends fanfic#arcane fanfic#arcane fanfiction#arcane x reader#lol fanfiction#lol fanfic#lol x reader#lol#x reader#xreader#fanfic#fanfiction
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Seoul (Namjoon x OC)
Summary: You and Namjoon meet in Seoul again, this time as exes.
Pairing: Namjoon x OC
Genre: Fluff, angst
Word count: 13.8 K
Rating: 18+
Warnings: language, break-up, talk about parental issues, stress, infidelity, kissing
A/N: So... this got a little longer than expected. Some questions will be asked, many will be answered. A lot of holiday cheer and pretty Christmas lighting. But the best part about this fic has to be the fact that I haven't proofread it.
Set approximately nine months after Next Time but can be read standalone.
Tagging: @bbl32, @meirkive, @quarter-life-crisis2, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)
Listen to: “ghost” by parekh & singh
namjoon masterlist | main masterlist
The last cloud floats away, and the sun peeks out apologetically. Bathed in light, the landscape looks like a colourful painting - a blue sky with a hint of purple, the edge of a green hill cutting it at an angle, and a winding road finishing it off. Visible in between two parallel rows of buildings, it feels like a glimpse of summer on a cold winter morning.
Kaya raises her phone to click a picture, ignoring her frozen fingers. This is Instagram-worthy, she decides - story only, even though she rarely posts anything else. She considers a caption for a brief moment, but it feels almost cruel to disturb the picture.
Over an hour later, when she’s in the car on her way home, her phone pings and she sees a reply to her story.
artisfolly [12:45]
You’re in Seoul?
Kaya’s heart skips a beat. She suddenly realises why she’d felt the need to take a picture of that particular hill and it’s no surprise that he’s recognised it, too. His question is unexpected, though, and she can think of nothing to say but the obvious.
kaya_m [12:46]
Yeah.
artisfolly [12:47]
Why didn’t you tell me?
She stares at the screen, at a rare loss for words. She can’t fathom why he would ask her this, and the fact that they’re speaking to each other for the first time in nearly three months reduces her to simple honesty.
kaya_m [12:50]
I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.
A beat passes. Kaya realises only a moment later how tightly she’s clutching her phone and forces her fingers to loosen up.
artisfolly [12:51]
I always want to hear from you.
Another beat. Then –
artisfolly [12:51]
Can we meet for coffee?
—
The city is already lit up and ready for the holidays. There’s the faint sound of instrumental carols from somewhere down the street as people enter and exit shops in a flurry, all bundled up in fashionable winter wear.
Namjoon still isn’t entirely sure why he picked this place to meet up. Gangnam just made sense because it was reasonably close by, but it’s also busy - it makes him feel less exposed somehow, although he isn’t fully sure what he’s trying to stay hidden from.
He glances at the menu of the coffee cart as he waits for her. Again, it wasn’t what he’d had in mind when he’d proposed to meet up for coffee, but his mind had gone blank when he’d tried to think of a place. For some reason, all he could think about was this small cart and the fact that it had a hazelnut drink. Around two hours ago, after nearly a whole day of thinking, he’d realised he couldn’t put it off anymore and texted Kaya with the location of the department store next door.
Namjoon exhaled, trying to ignore the low hum of anxiety in his stomach. A lot had happened in the last couple of days: a new track had been submitted for approval, their appearance at the AMAs in January was under review, he had a package that was currently stuck in customs - and then he’d found out his ex-girlfriend was back in Seoul. The anxiety is warranted, he decides.
It’s a few minutes past four pm when his phone buzzes. He feels a jolt in his stomach as he answers. “Hey.”
“Hey. I, uh… I think I’m at the location…” Kaya trails off, sounding unsure. “I can’t see Aldo, though.”
Namjoon swallows; the last time they’d spoken on the phone, she’d sounded very different. His heart skips an uncomfortable beat when he thinks about it.
“Oh.” He clears his throat. “Um, where are you right now?”
“I’m at…” She trails off again, and he pictures her looking around, eyes big and upward. “Okay, I just passed Zara.”
“Okay, just keep walking straight,” he tells her, turning to face the direction he knows she’s coming from. “You’ll see an auditorium kind of thing on your left -“
“There’s just a turn here.
“Yeah, no, you’ll have to cross the street. Be careful,” he adds automatically when he hears a car horn at her end.
She says nothing to that but stays on the line. “Okay, I think I see the auditorium… is that an auditorium?”
“Kind of, I guess. Street musicians, up and comers perform there and stuff.”
“That’s nice. Did you?”
“Still a stage I have yet to conquer. Can you see me?”
“Not yet. It’s pretty crowded. Is there an inflatable Santa near you?”
Namjoon turns slightly on the spot. “There’s a 3D Santa cut-out, if that’s what you’re referring to. There’s, like, three of them, though.” He bites back an unexpected chuckle when she swears under her breath. “Try to look for a banner with the directions to Santa’s Village.”
He can hear her stop in her tracks. “A banner? Everything’s written in Hangul, Joon. Oh, hang on, I think I see shoes - it might be Aldo…”
Namjoon nods wordlessly, trying to ignore his heart racing. He tries to look over the heads of the people on the street, hoping no one recognises him as he looks for Kaya - and spots her. She looks… exactly the same, or more beautiful than every single person in Gangnam put together. Probably both.
He can hear her murmuring on the phone, trying to look for him as well, but he can barely make out what she’s saying. He’s reminded, inexplicably, of the last time he’d seen a similar sight: London, almost two years ago. They weren’t dating yet, and he’d waited for her by the entrance of his hotel as she arrived from the station. He’d spotted her just like this in the crowd, albeit much later in the night. The moment she’d seen him, her face had broken out into a happy smile, complete with Disney princess eyes, and he’d asked her flat out to be with him two minutes later.
It’s a bittersweet memory. Namjoon blinks rapidly a few times before clearing his throat. “I can see you,” he says, hearing how low his own voice is all of a sudden. He raises his arm halfway. “I’m here. Right in front of you.”
He registers the moment Kaya sees him. Her mouth stops moving mid-word and she halts for a moment before exhaling slightly and giving him a small, polite smile. They lower their phones at the same time and Kaya continues walking towards him, dropping hers into the small sling bag hanging from her shoulder. He notices her gaze travel up and down his figure before lingering on his chest, and he’s suddenly glad he chose the turtleneck at the last minute.
“It’s cold,” she says when she finally reaches him, rubbing her hands together and shivering slightly.
He nods, feeling his heart leap unnecessarily. “It’ll get colder,” he informs her. “You look nice,” he says after a moment.
“Thanks. So do you.”
There’s an awkward moment of silence before she exhales. “So this is the coffee place,” she states, looking up at the lit up cart, at the fairy lights, the menu written in both English and Korean - anywhere but him, he notes.
“Oh - uh, yeah.” He shakes his head. “You should - we should order,” he stutters, fumbling with his wallet as he fishes it out. “Sorry, I know you probably weren’t expecting this, but I couldn’t decide -”
“No, no, it’s totally fine,” she says immediately, the silver hoops in her ears glinting as she shakes her head. “This is nice. I’ll have the hazelnut, I think,” she adds, retrieving her own wallet. “Uh, one hazelnut,” she repeats to the barista, enunciating a bit and holding up a finger before turning to Namjoon.
“Oh, right. One caramel macchiato,” he adds in Korean. He pulls out two bills and is about to place them on the counter when Kaya beats him to it. “Oh, I was going to -”
“That’s alright,” she interrupts, glancing up at him with a stiff smile as though to let him know it’s still good-natured. “I can pay for my own coffee.”
They don’t say much else until two steaming lattes are placed on the counter, smelling warm and cozy. They pick up their drinks, and Namjoon is suddenly faced with the consequences of choosing an establishment with no designated seating area.
“Um…” He looks around, starting to feel a bit silly, before looking back down at her and sighing. “Do you want to walk?” he asks finally.
She seems to have already expected this. With a glint of amusement in her eyes, she nods. “Sure.”
They begin strolling down the sidewalk in Gangnam square. The place is busy and most people are bundled up, meaning it’s one of those rare occasions when Namjoon is likely to make it through unrecognised. He tenses up for a moment when he thinks about the fact that he isn’t alone, but then remembers he has no business caring about that anymore.
“So… how’ve you been?”
Namjoon looks up, wondering where to begin. He isn’t sure how much of his post break-up state is appropriate to reveal, and if she even wants to know. He can talk about work… but even that could be a delicate topic, given recent events.
“Not great,” he says finally, surprised at his own honesty. “You?”
She shrugs, once again not meeting his eyes. “About the same.”
He bites his lip. The distance between them, while expected, feels awful - and wrong. Namjoon takes a brave step closer to her. “How did the seminar go? The second one was in October, right?”
Kaya pauses for a fraction of a second before nodding, and Namjoon knows she’s caught the deliberate tone in the question. He doesn’t regret it, though. Forgetting the first one was bad enough; the guilt that had washed over him when he’d realised he’d missed an academic milestone in her life had been one of the last straws for him.
“It wasn’t bad,” she says, taking a small sip of her drink and cracking a smile. “Went better than the first one. But I got to design the lecture series at the end so I guess it worked out.”
“That’s great,” he replies, meaning it. She seems taller, the top of her head almost reaching his cheek. He looks down to see her boots, long and straight up her legs… swallowing, he looks away. “You didn’t sound so good about the - about the last one,” he adds quickly, wincing a moment later.
“Yeah. That one was… way worse.” Kaya doesn’t say anymore, taking another sip instead. “Coffee’s good.”
“Yeah. We got a bunch of these delivered to the studio about a week ago. Thought you might like it.”
“Right.” She nods. “How, uh, how is the studio? And the collabs?” she tacks on at the end.
Namjoon feels his stomach twist again, his eyes falling to his cup at the mention of what was probably the breaking point of their relationship. Hwasa, Sunmi and IU. In the aftermath of their break-up, it had become increasingly clear to him that this was the core of the issue and yet, it seemed like the one thing they avoided talking about.
Kaya seems to remember, too. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to make it weird,” she mutters.
He shakes his head. “You didn’t. Don’t worry.”
She bites her lip. “I was genuinely asking. You were working pretty hard.”
I’m working hard, too. And not just at my job.
“They’re in post production now,” he answers as they turn into a quieter street. “Except for one. It came out last month.”
“Oh, really? That’s - that’s great. Must be doing well.”
“It’s doing fine. Just finished promoting it earlier this week.”
“So does that mean you have Christmas off?” Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Must be doing really well.”
Namjoon chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t want to jinx it. I’m going over to my parents’ house tomorrow night. I’ll probably stay there for a few days.”
Their coffees are almost done now; as the sky darkens, they throw their empty cups into a trash can by the sidewalk and continue walking. Namjoon shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, glad for the momentary warmth.
“God, it’s colder than usual,” he mutters. “You know what it reminds me of, though?”
She looks up at him with the first genuine smile of the evening. “London?”
Fucking hell. “Yeah, exactly. Except there it was cold and wet.” He shudders. “I don’t know how you made it all the way from the station with a suitcase in that weather.”
Kaya shrugs. “It wasn’t so bad. The hot shower after really helped,” she adds absently.
It’s not super high up in the list of things Namjoon wants to be reminded of right now, the image of her in his shower. What’s up, boyfriend? she’d greeted him when she’d stepped out, wrapped in a towel, her wet hair swept over one shoulder. The memory makes him smile involuntarily.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” He straightens his face. “I read that Sean Scully was touring Europe again. Did you get to go?”
She sighs hugely and groans. “No, work piled up way too much. But, I found out he was going to be in Belgium and he was putting up some of his figurations on sale,” she says, shaking her head already, “and I started saving up - and I mean saving up. And two months later, the sale happened, and the painting was nowhere to be seen.”
“Wow. You know, some of his stuff is in the National Gallery here, too,” he says, pointing generically behind him. “We can - I mean, you should check it out… if you have time,” he adds lamely.
“Yeah, probably. I’ve been checking out more indie stuff lately, though - but, yeah, maybe.”
“Oh, is that why you were in Hongdae yesterday?”
“Yesterday? No, I was there to see a play.”
Namjoon frowns. “In English?”
“Nope.”
He bites his lip, trying not to laugh, but gives up a moment later. “Are you serious?”
“Shut up,” she mutters, looking adorably embarrassed and nudging him with her elbow. “Jae-lin wanted me to come along.”
Ah. “And there was no way you could say no to her,” he finishes in understanding.
“Exactly. Even the best of us have some weak spots.” She peers at something across from him on the other side of the street. “Hey, is that an ATM?” She stops and looks up at him. “Do you mind? I just need to -”
“No, go ahead. I’ll grab a bottle of water.” He watches her jog across the empty street and enter the vestibule before he ducks into the convenience store behind him. It’s easier than he’d expected, being around her - except for the part where he wishes he could forget for a moment that they aren’t together anymore.
As he wordlessly passes the bottle to the cashier, he wonders for what feels like the millionth time in the last three months if this was the right decision. It had felt like it at the time. The snapping and the fighting was becoming more frequent than before, but at least that was mutual. Disappointing her each time was too much, though, and before he knew it, he was doing the one thing to ensure he didn’t hurt her anymore.
“Thank you,” he mutters to the shopkeeper and exits the shop. The cold air hits him again and it feels as though the sky has gotten several shades darker in the last few minutes. His eyes go straight to the ATM, noting two or three more people apparently in line, before he spots Kaya among them. Her uncertain expression, ducked head and hunched shoulders tell him everything he needs to know, and all thoughts of their break-up disappear in an instant.
Striding over, Namjoon registers three other men, two behind her, seemingly chuckling at something the third is saying to Kaya. It’s clear she isn’t able to understand him, but his proximity to her is enough for Namjoon to automatically feel his pulse race in annoyance.
“Which - country?” The third guy says in English, louder and more deliberate. Before Kaya can answer, Namjoon reaches over and wraps his hand around her wrist, gently tugging her out of there. The relief in her face is brief but evident, and she immediately falls into step beside him as they walk away.
“You alright?” he asks in a low voice, dropping her wrist but staying close to her. “Do you have your wallet and everything?”
She nods and exhales, her arm brushing his shoulder. “Yeah,” she murmurs, her voice shaking slightly. “Thanks.” She doesn’t move away from him, not until they turn into a busier street. It’s more brightly lit, with Christmas decorations and fake snow everywhere, and Namjoon can’t help but feel sorry when she finally takes a step to her right and the familiar scent of coconut and vanilla disappears.
They don’t speak again for a while but unlike when they’d initially met at the coffee cart, Namjoon doesn’t feel pressured to make conversation. Some kind of ice between them seems to have broken and he suddenly feels a lot more secure in the fact that she’s here with him, that they’re here together.
“Oh, my God!” Kaya gasps suddenly, halting in her tracks and clutching his arm, and for a moment Namjoon thinks the creepy men are back.
“What?” he asks hurriedly, looking around and automatically stepping closer to her.
She doesn’t seem to notice. “What - the hell - is that?” she stutters, pointing shakily at something in front of her. Namjoon follows her finger, expecting danger, only to find something even more terrifying.
“Oh,” he exhales, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. He wracks his brain for an appropriate explanation but soon gives. “That’s… yeah, that’s a cardboard cut-out of Taehyung.”
Kaya looks up at him incredulously. “It - what?” She turns back to the six foot tall cut-out of Taehyung in a suit, smirking and making a finger heart, before she looks behind it to see the rest of it.
“Okay, Namjoon, there’s no easy way to ask this,” she begins, taking a step back, “but why is there a shrine to Taehyung in the middle of Seoul?”
Namjoon chuckles, a little embarrassed. “It’s his birthday in a week, so… they do this every year. Birthdays are a big deal around here,” he adds, following her as she gingerly continues down the aforementioned shrine.
“No, I get that,” she says slowly, lightly touching a fringe of sparkly streamers bordering a photo booth. “This is just…” She trails off, looking up at the fake snow and candy canes decorating a line of photo cards and smaller cardboard cut-outs.
“A lot, I know.”
“Kind of sweet,” she finishes. “You know, once you get used to it.” She stops at a wall-sized poster of the entire group, a shot from their last concert in the summer. Namjoon isn’t sure, but he thinks her gaze is lingering on him in the corner, hair a lighter blond than it is now.
My man looks so fucking sexy in a suit.
“What about you?”
It takes Namjoon a moment to focus. “Uh, what about me?”
“Does this happen for everyone’s birthday?” She raises her eyebrows playfully. “Was there a life-size Kim Namjoon here, too?”
“God, no,” he says, shuddering a bit. “Although there is a graffiti drawing of my face back in Ilsan. It’s actually pretty good!” he exclaims when she laughs, feeling his cheeks grow warm. “I’ve only seen pictures, anyway. I guess I’ll see it when I go back tomorrow.”
“Spend some good old quality time with it?”
“Not that much time. Our schedule starts on the…” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to recall. “Twenty-eighth, I think. Need to double check that.” He opens his eyes to see Kaya frowning.
“You’re working on New Year’s?”
“Yeah,” he says, shrugging. “New Year’s Eve special in New York. Holidays, birthdays… doesn’t really matter,” he adds, hearing a note of bitterness in his own voice. He stops by a pop-up stall. “Honestly, it’s a miracle we got Christmas off.”
Kaya stops beside him, facing him slightly. “I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “About your birthday. I didn’t forget,” she clarifies when he looks up. “I thought about texting or something, but… it was just too soon.”
Namjoon nods, feeling his heart clench a little. That hadn’t been a good day. “I get it. It was less than a week after… everything.”
“Yeah. Didn’t think you’d be working, though.”
“I didn’t mind. Kept me occupied.”
She bites her lip, glancing over at the collectibles. Namjoon watches her, recalling with a heavy heart just how much he’d been hoping she’d call. It hadn’t been fair to expect it, given that he’d ended things just a few days prior. He’d tried to do it as amicably as possible, tried to reassure her that it had nothing to do with how he felt - it was just a consequence of their situation. Long time coming, he’d said. Despite that, he’d kept his phone on all day, hoping that at least special events would mean he could hear her voice again.
“I did… wait,” he confesses after a moment. “I thought we ended on good terms.”
Kaya exhales, and he can see her defenses go up. “We did. That’s why we’re here right now.”
“Three months later.”
“Yeah, well. I needed time to process it,” she counters, folding her arms across her chest. “You really caught me off guard.”
Namjoon lowers his head, unsurprised at her astute observation. He had caught her off guard - and not accidentally. He can still remember the rain in the background, the sound of the people around her as he revealed what he’d been thinking for a few days by then. Most of all, he can remember how confused she’d sounded. That had been the worst part: her confusion. Sadness, anger, denial; he would’ve chosen all of them over her uncertainty, how she’d taken a few minutes to realise what he was proposing, by which time it was too late to argue.
“I wouldn’t have been able to go through it otherwise,” he confesses quietly.
After what seems like several minutes, Kaya sighs. “Well. In the spirit of processing things,” she begins, and he looks up to see her reaching for one of the small stuffed toys on the cart, “a belated happy birthday.” She hands it to him.
“Thanks. And thank you for…” He looks down at the toy and back up at her. “... for this stuffed doll of Taehyung?”
“A stuffed doll of Taehyung holding a wreath,” she points out, jabbing a finger at the plastic decoration. “And wearing a Santa hat.”
“Wow. This is, uh…” He looks back at the doll, stitched down to immaculate detail. “... so terrifying.”
Kaya laughs. “What are you talking about? He’s a good-looking kid.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want a voodoo doll of him staring at me while I’m, like, changing or something.”
“Well, that’s your punishment for breaking up with me while I was running late to class,” she says lightly, already handing cash to the shopkeeper.
“Fair enough,” he mutters, stuffing the silly doll deep into the pocket of his jacket as they begin walking away.
“So?” she continues as they stroll down the street. “How are the other guys?”
“Good, mostly. Pretty tired.”
“And your parents? Your family and everyone?”
“Also good.” He pauses. “My mom asked about you.”
“She did?” Kaya sounds surprised.
“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. “Nothing specific. Just how you were doing and stuff.”
She’s quiet for a moment, hands tucked into her elbows. “You didn’t tell her?”
“Not yet.” Namjoon bites his lip, realising only at this moment, that it’s because he was hoping he wouldn’t have to at all. “Guess I’ll have to, soon enough.”
“Believe it or not, it was hard to tell my mom, too.” She squeezes his forearm sympathetically. “Although, if I’m being honest, the hardest person to break it to was Jae-lin,” she adds.
He snickers. “Really?”
“Yup. And not to pressure you or anything, but she’s expecting some seriously deep music to drop soon.”
His heart jolts uncomfortably. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
When he says no more, he notices Kaya give him a curious sideways glance. “And speaking of my sixteen year old cousin’s obsessions,” she begins, the forced upward lilt in her voice evident, “what about Taehyung and Dilara Komyshan?”
“Oh, who knows with them,” he replies absently, stretching out his neck before looking back down to see her raised eyebrows. “No, they’re dating now. Officially.”
“Wow. Score. For Tae, I mean,” she clarifies.
“I agree. They went on some trip or something recently.”
“Ah, the honeymoon phase,” she says knowingly, shaking her head. “Children.”
“He’s happy now. And I mean too happy,” grumbles Namjoon. “He’s smiling into his phone all the time like an idiot; I swear, he looks high.”
Kaya snorts. “Wow, single people really are bitter.” When he doesn’t respond, she looks up, biting her lip awkwardly. “Too weird?”
He winces theatrically. “A little bit.”
She chuckles. “Sorry.”
They stop at a traffic light, waiting to cross the street. The sky is dark now, but the area has never looked more lively. Namjoon is suddenly glad he asked her to meet today; the closer Seoul gets to Christmas, the prettier it looks.
Which reminds him.
He glances at her beside him; they’re both standing tilted towards each other, almost automatically. To anyone else, it might look like they’re midway in conversation.
“By the way,” he begins, shifting to face her. She does the same, her silver hoops catching the light again. Namjoon pauses; there’s a certain science to this, a certain combination of elements that will get him the reaction he wants - or at least the one he’s hoping for.
“Yeah?”
Hands deep in his pockets, he lowers his head slightly to look her in the eyes. Disney princess eyes. His blond hair falls onto his forehead and he gives her a small smile, just enough for a dimple to appear. His gaze drops to her mouth before meeting her eyes again.
“You look really pretty,” he says, meaning it, hearing his voice low and deep. The flicker in her eyes makes his heart race, but he holds it, waiting for her response.
“Thanks. You look…” Kaya swallows visibly and her gaze falls, lingering near his chest for a moment. Thank God for the damn turtleneck. Namjoon is almost anxious at how she’ll finish her sentence.
“... really pretty, too.”
“Huh.” He nods. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She pauses, clearly awkward. “The blond suits you,” she adds, reaching up as if to touch his hair but stopping herself at the last moment.
“Yeah, it’s, uh… the stylists like it,” he replies lamely, running his fingers through his long hair.
“They’re doing a good job, I guess. You’re looking thinner,” she murmurs, her eyes on his chest and shoulders before they dart up to him. “Not in a bad way,” she says quickly. “Or - or a good way. I was just… it was just an observation.” She shakes her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s okay,” he says simply, placing a light hand on her back as they cross the road. “I haven’t had a lot of time to hit the gym lately. I’ve lost a bit of muscle mass. What about you?” he asks after a moment, feeling his gaze drop to her hips as she walks a step ahead of him, before averting them with an effort.
She turns around and waits for him to catch up, raising her eyebrows. “Am I losing muscle mass?”
“No, are you… you know. Taking care of yourself and everything,” he clarifies. “Eating well, locking your door… that stuff.”
She laughs without humour. “Remember when I told you I was saving up for that Sean Scully painting? Yeah, that means two whole months of nothing but instant noodles.”
Namjoon stares at her, unamused, until she looks up at him. “Are you serious right now?”
Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Are you? Do you seriously think you get to lecture me on a healthy diet?”
“God, I hate it when you have a point.”
“Which is often,” she says fairly, nudging his shoulder playfully. She looks around then, frowning slightly. “Wait, I thought we were going to your car. How far away did you park it?”
“Not that far, actually. There’s a shorter route through the alleys inside,” he explains. “I just thought you might… feel safer this way. Out in the open.”
He wonders for a moment if he’s made it weird again, for he can’t decipher Kaya’s expression. She licks her lips and looks at the ground, but before he can begin getting anxious about it, she looks up.
“I always feel safe with you,” she says calmly, gesturing for him to start walking again.
As he falls into step beside her, Namjoon feels, for the first time all evening, as though he finally knows what he wants. He sees her hand by her side as she walks, half-covered by the sleeve of her dark striped sweater, her nails painted black.
He imagines what it would be like to hold it; lightly at first, fingers grazing her palm before linking their fingers together. Holding it tight then, tugging her closer to him, feeling her long hair brush his chest… for a moment, Namjoon feels like crying.
“Wow, I didn’t realise how hungry I was.”
Kaya breaks him out of his reverie, and he looks up to see her peering at a passing tteokbeoki stall.
“Do you want to get some?” he asks, although he can’t imagine eating anything right now.
She waves her hand. “No, I’m good. Ji-eun’s making dinner and she’ll kill me if I ruin it.”
“Yeah? What’s she making?”
“Not sure. Something with noodles.”
Namjoon laughs. “Sounds about right. She may have grown up in America but she’s Korean at heart.”
“Completely.” Kaya shivers as a cold wind blows. “And Korean by blood, clearly, because there is no way winters back home were this cold.”
“Yeah, the winds are a bit harsh,” he acknowledges fairly. “Why did you decide to visit in the winter anyway? There’s a reason tourism is at an all-time low this time of the year.”
“Oh… my mom wanted to visit. Said she wanted to spend Christmas with family.”
There’s something off in Kaya’s tone, but Namjoon doesn’t want to pry. Not too blatantly, at least.
“Don’t you usually go to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her?” he asks.
“Yeah.” She nods, falling quiet for a few seconds. “She’s dating this guy,” she blurts out. “And they’ve been going out for a few months and it sounded like everything was fine, but I think - and I’m pretty sure I’m right - that he asked her to spend Christmas with his family. And it freaked her out,” she finishes, breathing slightly heavily.
Namjoon doesn’t say anything for a moment. From the way the words tumbled out of her mouth, it’s clear she’s been waiting to talk about it.
“Is it the dating part?” he asks gently.
“No,” she mumbles, looking at the ground as she steps within the tiles. “My dad’s been gone ten years, you know? I’m glad she’s dating. But when she does things like this, I know it’s because she’s scared. And I just wish she wasn’t.”
He frowns. “Did she actually tell you about him asking her to come over for Christmas?”
She opens her mouth but deflates. “Not exactly,” she admits. “But I know I’m right. The way she sounded, the words she used - she was avoiding talking about it.”
Like mother, like daughter. “Why don’t you just ask her?” he suggests. “You and your mom are close, aren’t you?”
She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I can’t tell her what to do. It’s not up to me to tell her how to move on from her dead husband.”
Namjoon touches her elbow, wishing he could do so much more. “I didn’t say to tell her anything. I said you could ask her. She knows you just want her to be happy, right?”
Kaya swallows, stopping as the parking lot comes into sight. “And then what? We talk about it? Because I’m such an expert on how to be happy?”
There’s a moment of heartbreaking silence before she looks up and blinks. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all this on you.”
He frowns. “It’s okay -“
“No, it’s not. This isn’t your problem anymore, and we don’t -“
“Kaya.” He gives her a look when she stops talking abruptly. “You know, I didn’t intend for… this to mean that we cut each other out of our lives. You can still talk to me,” he says earnestly. He sighs and looks at his feet. “I know there are still things that I can't talk about with anyone but you,” he admits quietly.
He watches her expression change from confusion to curiosity, and then to a kind of concern. Her shoulder makes a movement and he wonders wildly, hopefully, if she meant to reach for him.
“Like what?” she asks softly.
Now that she’s asked, the words seem impossible to say. Namjoon looks down at his hands, feeling months worth of anxiety creep in again.
“I think I’m losing my touch,” he says finally, still not looking up at her. “With songwriting, producing… everything. I’m not… I can’t…” He trails off, wincing in irritation as he struggles to recall English words for his exact emotions. “I can’t write anymore. And the more I can’t… the more I have no idea who I am anymore.”
From the corner of his eye, he sees Kaya watching him closely, her forehead in a frown. “Why?”
“I don’t know. The words just aren’t coming. The music… I can’t hear it in my head the same -“
“No, I meant,” she interrupts him, and gives him an apologetic look when he meets her eyes again. “I meant… why don’t you know who you are anymore?”
“Because if I’m in the studio for hours and hours and I can’t actually… produce anything, or create anything, then what the hell am I doing in there?” If I’m in the studio for hours and hours, what does it all matter if I don’t have you?
“Joon…” She takes a step closer to him. “You’re… it’s recency bias. You’ve been producing great stuff all year. Didn’t BTS just win, like, five awards at the MAMAs?”
“Yeah, but not for anything I wrote,” he counters immediately. “And that’s fine. We always win for the popular hits, and that’s fine with me. I just… I can’t write anymore,” he says in a small voice. “The words aren’t coming.”
Her eyes flicker, as though searching for the right words. He knows it’s far out of left field for her, that a lot of his work is something she can’t contribute a lot to, choosing to primarily listen.
“Well…” She sounds a bit uncertain. “What did you write about before?”
He shrugs, looking away. “Just stuff. Things that made me happy, things that made me sad.”
“And you don’t have those things anymore?”
Namjoon doesn’t know how much clearer he can make it without risking losing even the last remaining fragments of her in his life. “Not the ones that make me happy,” he states, meeting her gaze.
Somewhere, a Christmas carol begins on a loudspeaker, sleigh bells in the background. Bright lights flicker on, jerking them out of their conversation.
Kaya takes a step back, exhaling shakily. “It’s getting colder,” she mutters. “Is that your car?” she asks, tilting her head towards something behind him. Before he can answer, she begins walking over.
Namjoon follows her slowly, knowing their conversation is over. He waits until he’s a few feet away from the car to open it. She doesn’t enter immediately, though; looking up at him from across the bonnet of his Mercedes, she gives him a small, sad sort of smile.
“I’m glad you messaged me yesterday,” she says softly.
“So am I.” He swallows, his heart sinking at the realisation that their evening is at an end, whether he wants it to be or not. “Come on. Let’s get you home before Jieun kills you.”
—
“And he crosses the finish line,” murmurs Kaya in humour as Namjoon slowly pulls into Jieun’s driveway before stopping the car. There’s teasing in her tone, but also a hint of pride, for he really has come a long way since she’d first started teaching him how to drive two years ago.
He doesn’t look at her, though, choosing to stare out of the windshield with a pensive look on his face - the same one he’s had for the entire drive.
Kaya deflates slightly. “Thanks for the ride.”
“How could I have let you go?”
It’s a whisper, but on a quiet street and inside a crowded car, it feels like he’s shouted it from the rooftops. Kaya says nothing, choosing to stare at her lap instead, for she isn’t altogether surprised. The way he’d begun looking at her as the evening progressed, eyes softer and warmer with each minute, some of the things he’d said; the poet in him might have thought he was being subtle, but Kaya knew him well enough to know where his mind was at.
Namjoon, meanwhile, is still in the midst of his crisis. “How - how could I have thought that was the right decision? How could you have let me?”
She bristles. “What?”
“No, I’m - I’m not… I’m not actually blaming you,” he stutters, glancing briefly at her, as though just remembering he’s not alone. “I just can’t believe…” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “God, I fucked up.”
When she’d gotten the call three months ago, her first emotion had been surprise. It had been a long time since Namjoon had called her, despite his best efforts to. Their conversations had turned terse and short, with more passive aggressive statements going back and forth than actual talk about their lives.
It had been a busy day and Kaya already had a lot on her mind, so when he’d broken up with her with barely any warning during a busy evening on campus, she’d been furious. Not at first; no, at first she’d been confused, then in denial, then in class, then busy - very busy - until something had finally forced her to face the fact that she’d been dumped over the phone by the love of her life.
He’d said many things, the first being that he loved her. He missed her, cared about her, and hated being a dick to her - so he wasn’t going to do it anymore. Throughout, through all the sadness and heartbreak, her anger at how he’d deliberately chosen a Wednesday evening in Amsterdam time to break up with her was the worst, because he’d more or less ensured that she wouldn’t be able to argue back.
I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it otherwise.
It’s probably true, and Kaya remembers being annoyed by it even a couple of hours ago. Now, though, surprisingly, she finds herself wanting to comfort him.
“Namjoon -”
“No, you know what?” He interrupts her. “I know I was wrong. I know I was too busy and I wasn’t making the time, and I was taking out my stress on you, but -” He shakes his head, and she realises he’s glaring at her. “You weren’t being honest about what was really bothering you.”
She raises her eyebrows. “I - what?”
He gives her a look, indicating he isn’t fooled. “You know what I’m talking about, Kaya.”
“No, I don’t. And… we don’t need to talk about this,” she mutters hurriedly, unbuckling her seatbelt when he grabs her wrist.
“Wait, come on,” he says quickly, stopping her. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to start a fight. Or maybe I am,” he says after a moment. “If that’s what it’ll take to finally talk about this.”
Kaya hesitates. “You talk about this stuff when you’re together,” she reminds him in a low voice. “And we’re not together.”
“I know.” He gives her a long look, almost pleading, before speaking again, slower and more deliberate. “I’m saying… I want to talk about it.”
“Fine,” she says finally, sitting back in her seat. “Go ahead.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Me?”
“Yes. You’re the one who wants to talk about it.”
“No, I want you to admit what was really bothering you,” he corrects her, giving her a knowing look.
She frowns, puzzled, even as her heart begins to race uncomfortably. “What are you talking about? We were apart, there was distance… wasn’t that the whole problem?”
“That’s a pretty macro way to look at it.” When she gives him a look, he nods, satisfied. “That’s right. I didn’t date an Economics research student for a year and half and not learn a few words along the way.”
Kaya’s mouth twists as she tries to suppress a smile. “No way. You’re not allowed to make me laugh right now.” When he raises his hands in apology and gestures for her to continue, his dimple still faintly visible, she sighs. “Fine. It was… it felt like it was waiting for the other shoe to drop, okay? Long distance is always hard, and we made it last for a really long time.” She shakes her head forlornly. “It was like watching a tornado approach. I guess I just wanted to spare myself the pain of a long, gruesome… demise of a relationship.”
Namjoon folds his arms across his chest. “You’re lying.”
Her eyes widen. “What? What are you - how dare you -”
“Kaya, don’t fuck with me, alright? I can read between the lines - I basically already know what it is, so why don’t you just admit it?”
“I am,” she exclaims defiantly. “I was afraid, we weren’t talking, we were drifting apart - what else is there?”
“Why were you afraid?”
“Why is anyone ever afraid in a relationship, Namjoon?”
“No, why were you afraid - and why did it come up only when I started working on my collabs?”
“Because I was afraid you were going to cheat on me!” Kaya huffs and sinks back into her seat, glaring out the window as she feels the corners of her eyes prickling at the memory.
Neither of them speaks for a few moments. It feels like the invisible wall that’s existed between them all evening has finally been broken down, wrecking ball and all, to leave a pile of cold, hard truths.
“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks finally. He doesn’t sound satisfied; on the contrary, he sounds almost disappointed. It breaks her heart just a little.
“Because it’s humiliating to admit that,” she mutters, still not looking at him. “Because if there was one thing that made us work, it was that neither of us was clingy. But if I started acting insecure just because you were suddenly working long hours with beautiful women, then -” She shrugs, feeling ridiculous. “I was officially a clingy girlfriend.”
“Clingy? Kaya, you’re as far from clingy as a partner can be. We both are - we work crazy hours, we’ve gone days without talking and it never mattered. I could never think you’re a clingy girlfriend. And I would never cheat on you,” he adds firmly.
Something settles in Kaya’s chest. “You know, that’s all I needed to hear?” she says, finally looking up at him. He looks almost wounded, his blond bangs thick and falling onto his forehead. “I didn’t actually think you would go ahead and - and have an affair or anything. I just needed that reassurance - I would’ve believed you in a second. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I wasn’t sure – but I suspected it. And honestly, I was a little insulted,” he adds sullenly, “because I didn’t think I’d ever given you a reason to doubt me.”
The truth of that statement is too painful, enough to make Kaya fall silent. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs abashedly. “I was too proud to say it. It’s just… these things happen. When there’s distance and stress and - and then there’s physical distance… it’s not outlandish to think something could happen. I don’t know how it works with celebrities,” she adds, shrugging heavily. “I just know I see a different story on Just Jared every other day and… well, we’ve already established that I was afraid,” she finishes, not knowing what else to say. “I was being crazy.”
She can feel Namjoon’s gaze on her, but she doesn’t look up until he sighs and touches her hand.
“You weren’t being crazy. I mean, I thought you were,” he amends, giving her a momentary smile, “but… okay, after we broke up, I was in the studio with Sunmi, right? And I must have looked like hell because she asked me if I’d had a fight with my girlfriend. It was too hard to correct her, so I - I didn’t,” he admits, wincing slightly.
“Anyway… then, out of the blue, she told me she had a boyfriend. And then a minute after that, she told me wasn’t bragging, but she was making it clear that nothing could happen between us. And then I was, like, what? and she said that in her experience, whenever two people had problems with their partners, they ended up hooking up. And she had no intention of doing so with me while we were both in committed relationships,” he finishes, shaking his head a bit. “So, no. You weren’t crazy.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
Kaya picks at a loose thread on her black jeans. It’s cathartic for all this to finally come out, but she can’t help but feel as though it’s only given their separation a kind of finality. Now that you’ve talked about it, you can move on in peace.
“I really missed you,” she murmurs, not looking at him. “And it felt like you didn’t, not as much. It seemed like the first time we weren’t in sync, you know?” She shrugs, her throat starting to tighten. “It scared me.”
“Kaya, you have no idea how much I missed you,” says Namjoon heavily. He doesn’t say the next bit, but it seems like a logical completion.
“God. Imagine if we’d just had this conversation back then,” he laments, running a tired hand through his hair.
“Yeah. You can cut yourself some slack, though,” she adds, glancing up at him meekly. “We both fucked up.”
Namjoon nods, giving her that same longing look that he’d begun when they’d entered Santa’s Village in Gangnam, before looking away.
“Have you… you know. Moved on?” he ventures, giving her a sideways glance.
She shrugs. “Define moved on.”
“You know. Are you - are you dating anyone?”
Am I ever. “Well,” she begins, taking note of how his shoulders stiffen next to her, “there was this grad student who tried to kiss me in the library, after which I ran away and cried for half an hour in the girls’ bathroom.” She raises her eyebrows. “Does that count?”
Namjoon’s head darts around to look at her. “He did what? Are you okay? Are you - did he hurt you?”
“What? No, no - it wasn’t like that,” she says immediately, shaking her head. “It was the day after you broke up with me and I hadn’t quite had the time to… deal with it yet,” she explains, giving him a reproachful look. “And I guess I’d mentioned sometime offhandedly that I was single, which he seemed to take as permission to try something and… then I told him to get lost.”
Dude, I have a boyfriend! had been her exact words to him, once she’d pushed him away and wiped her mouth in horror.
No, you don’t! he’d retorted, a lanky, brown-haired guy with glasses, sounding more confused than anything.
It had taken someone else to yell it at her for it to sink in, deeply, hurtfully, all the way down at the bottom of her stomach that she, indeed, did not have a boyfriend anymore, that Kim Namjoon was no longer hers - and everyone knew it.
“Why - why did you cry?” Namjoon asks, a note of concern audible.
“Because it felt weird, kissing someone else,” she admits, unable to look at him. “Felt wrong. Like I was cheating on you. What about you?” she asks after a moment. “Have you moved on?”
Namjoon gives her a look. “Does it look like I’ve moved on?”
“Uh-uh. This is not a topic where you can give me a cryptic answer like that.”
He sighs hugely. “No, Kaya, I haven’t,” he clarifies, almost indulgently. “It’s going to take a lot more than three months to move on from you.”
She tries to ignore how her heart zooms at his words, but it’s impossible. Clenching her jaw to keep from smiling, she takes a deep breath. “Wow, we were really late having this conversation,” she echoes his previous remark.
There’s a pregnant pause, with a world of possibilities visible in a single second.
“It doesn’t have to be,” murmurs Namjoon, and the hope in his voice makes her heart skip a beat. He waits for her to look at her. “What do you think? Can we give this another shot, baby?”
Screw you, Kim Namjoon. Kaya hates and loves in equal measure just how well he knows the right words to say to her. Her stomach flutters - butterflies, probably - while a warmth seems to course through her entire body, down to the tips of her fingers.
His face is inches away from hers. In the darkness of the car, with only the Christmas lights from Jieun’s house being the lone bright spot, and she tries to recall the last time he’d ever kissed her.
“I think…” She trails off, unable to think straight with how intensely he’s watching her. She tries again. “I think… I can’t have this conversation with that creepy doll staring at me.”
When Namjoon glances in confusion at the Taehyung doll they’d propped up on the dashboard before they’d begun driving, Kaya uses the opportunity to open her car door and step out. She hears him chuckle before following suit, and goes around the front of the car to join him by the driver’s side where he’s leaning against the door.
“Told you it was a creepy-ass doll.”
“And you were right.” Kaya stops in front of him and almost wishes she’d risked staying inside with the stupid doll. Tall and broad-shouldered, he suddenly takes her breath away. Maybe it’s the black turtleneck and grey jacket combination, maybe it’s the blond hair falling into his eyes and brushing the top of his collar, maybe it’s the familiar, woodsy cologne that she’s only noticed now that they’re out of the car. Either way, she can’t speak for a moment.
“So?” He raises his eyebrows, looking earnest and hopeful and heartbreakingly handsome all at once. “Do you think we can try this again?”
She shivers. “I…” It’s getting harder to breathe, and not just because of how he looks. This is so much more complicated than he’s making it sound. “I think.. we should sleep on it.”
Namjoon raises his eyebrows, apparently processing her answer.
She tries not to hurry her next words. “Look, I know we got all our issues out right now, but… our problems, they’re not going to go away. It’s still going to be the long distance thing, we’ll still have rough patches because of work… and I don’t think I can go through this break-up again.”
He frowns at the ground. “Why do you think we’ll break up again?” he asks, and she can tell he’s working to keep his tone neutral.
“Because making up this time isn’t going to last,” she says softly. He drags his gaze to look up at her then, and she can tell that he knows she’s right. “I just think… I think if we’re going to think about getting back together, we need to have some kind of view on - on what’s going to happen.” She swallows, wondering if he’s caught on to her hesitance to say the word. “Our situation… there’s a lot to think about. And I’m not just talking about the long distance.”
After what feels like an eternity, he nods. “That’s fair,” he says, but she thinks she can sense an undertone of disappointment. “It was just easy to forget, you know?” He shrugs and drops his gaze.
“I know.” And she did. She’d been starting to forget as well; it was too natural to fall into old habits. The way he’d rescued her from the guys at the ATM, the way she’d offered him the chocolate candy that came with her coffee without thinking, how he’d pulled her behind him when he thought he’d noticed someone pointing their phone at him; each of those moments had felt like déjà vu, except totally and completely real.
“That’s what made us kind of great,” she points out after a moment, wrapping her jacket tightly around her. “We always kept each other grounded.”
“So we’re sleeping on it?” Namjoon asks after a moment, looking up.
Kaya nods. “Yeah. Just so we’re sure.”
“I’m leaving for Ilsan tomorrow,” he reminds her.
“Good. That gives us a deadline.”
“Right.” Namjoon exhales. “I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.” He turns to open the door behind him when something grips at her heart.
“Wait, um -“ She breaks off, turning to glance at the house for a moment. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”
As expected, he shakes his head. “Oh, I - I couldn’t. But thanks.”
“I’m serious. Jieun always makes a ton of food.”
“Yeah, but…” Namjoon looks unsure. “I don’t think I’ll be welcome, right? Your ex-boyfriend… having dinner with your family?”
Kaya has never hated that word more, but she rallies. “I’m inviting you,” she points out. “And no one is going to make you feel unwelcome, I promise. They all love you. Please?” she appeals again. “I… I don’t want the evening to be over just yet.”
That seems to do the trick. Namjoon tilts his head the same way he always does when he wants to give her something but is prevented from it. “I - are you sure? You’re really close with your aunt. And your cousin.”
“Jieun’s always liked you. And believe me, with Jae-lin there, I’ll only be the second happiest person in that house if you join,” she informs him, rolling her eyes. He chuckles and her heart flutters at the sight of his dimple. “My mom’s inside. You should say hi.”
After a moment, he nods. “Okay. Let’s go,” he says, taking a step towards her, his hand gently hovering over her back as they make their way to the house. “I really do think you should ask Jieun, though. Just in case.”
“Jesus, don’t worry…”
“No, but what if she actually says no…”
—
Jieun doesn’t say no. In fact, Kaya’s aunt, more like a sister to her than her actual cousin sister, seems only mildly surprised but tells him he’s welcome. Her husband Jack seems not to notice anything strange at all, while Jae-lin seems absolutely thrilled that Namjoon is back.
“Oh, no, not - not exactly,” Kaya had said when Jae-lin had asked, point blank, if they were back together. There had been no further explanation, and her cousin had been enlisted to set the table and minimise the awkwardness.
“Sorry,” she’d muttered to Namjoon as they reached the dining table, looking up to see him both relieved and amused.
“Don’t worry about it,” he’d replied softly, reaching out behind her to pull out a chair and taking the one next to her. All through dinner, it felt as though nothing had changed, really. Jieun seemed to be enjoying some private joke as she watched them, sharing knowing looks with Kaya’s mother across the table, while Jae-line monopolised Namjoon completely, chattering away in Korean with no attention to anyone else.
Namjoon, ever the gentleman, engaged her fully; there wasn’t a moment where he tried to stop the conversation, his arm on the back of Kaya’s chair the entire time. Kaya stayed in conversation with Jack and her mother as much as she could, hoping that they wouldn’t allude to the situation at all.
Meeting her mother’s gaze was the hardest - not because Kaya was afraid she would disapprove, but because of how openly happy she looked.
“Mom, we’re not back together yet,” she’d murmured halfway through dinner, when her mother had given her yet another glowing, knowing, mom look.
“I know,” she’d replied, glancing at Namjoon over Kaya’s shoulder, “but you want to be.”
Did she? Kaya didn’t know. She was sure what she felt for him, even what he possibly felt for her. She knew they were happy with each other, understood each other, had an unimaginable amount of affection for each other.
But she didn’t know if she could do this again. As she sat next to Namjoon, feeling their shoulders brush occasionally and hearing his deep laugh next to her, she knew that “sleeping on it” would be far easier said than done.
“Thank you for dinner,” he says an hour later, bowing slightly to Jieun, Jack and her mother. “I had a great time.”
“I’ll walk you out,” says Kaya quickly, already turning towards the door, when Jae-lin pipes up.
“Oh, I’ll come, too!” she volunteers excitedly in English, and before anyone can say anything, sweeps by them and opens the front door.
A moment of silence follows before Namjoon speaks. “Sure, lead the way,” he says, smiling at her and squeezing Kaya’s hand apologetically. It’s the only thing that keeps Kaya from saying anything, even as the three of them exit the house into the cold night.
She trails behind them, arms folded across her chest, as she listens to them converse in Korean again. For all she knows, Jae-lin has just resumed their conversation from dinner, the words blending into each other for Kaya. With Korean-American parents, Jae-lin speaks both Korean and English with ease. Right now, though, Kaya wishes she would just stop speaking.
“Wow, what a sexy car,” says Jae-lin in wonder, running her hand on the smooth metal of the bonnet. She looks up to see Kaya glaring at her with a hand on her hip. “What?” she asks defensively. “We all use that word, unnie.”
Kaya stares at her. “Hey, Jae? Can you give us a minute?”
Jae-lin’s eyes flit between her cousin and Namjoon before they widen suddenly, as though she’s just realising she might be interrupting. “Oh! Yes, of course! I - uh, good night, Namjoon oppa,” she adds hastily and hurries away.
Kaya watches her until she enters the house before turning around to face Namjoon. “God, what a nightmare,” she mutters, rolling her eyes when he guffaws. “Shut up.”
“You shut up. You love her,” he says easily, still grinning.
“And you’re a saint.”
“Yeah, because you love her.” He leans back against his car again, the same way he was before. “And not to take a leaf out of Jae-lin’s book, but you looked really sexy being all strict with her.”
Kaya raises her eyebrows, feeling an old, familiar stirring in her abdomen. “Really?”
His smile gets wider. “Uh-huh.”
“I guess it’s a good quality for someone who’s working to be a professor one day.”
“Uh-uh. With a bunch of horny college students? They aren’t going to hear a word you say if you look at them like that,” he argues, taking a step closer to her.
The stirring passes from her abdomen to between her legs in an instant. “Okay, no. No flirting tonight,” she mutters, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away. “Not when we’re in this… limbo.”
His jaw drops teasingly. “No flirting at all?”
“No. It’s supposed to be a serious night, to think. With the… thinking. And stuff.”
“Good call on those three glasses of wine during dinner.”
She sighs and drops her head in her hands. “I was nervous. But I’m okay, really,” she insists honestly, straightening up as he gently pries her hands away from her face.
Namjoon doesn’t say anything, just smiles at her fondly, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. It tugs at her heart, how transparent he’s being with his feelings. She’d seen it earlier in the evening, too, when they’d been navigating the market square to locate his car.
They’d stopped to open the map on his phone and Kaya had moved closer to him to be able to see the screen. All of a sudden, she’d heard him say something in Korean and looked up to see him smiling at an older couple who were walking away. Just before they disappeared from sight, the man had caught her eye and pointed upward. Slightly confused, she’d tilted her head up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the wooden structure of the pop-up stall next to them.
Namjoon hadn’t said anything then either, choosing to simply suppress a smile and look somewhere near her shoulder, leaving the ball in her court. His you look pretty stunt was still burnt in her mind, though, so without too much thought, she’d reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek before continuing walking.
It’s the same look now, the one where he seems to be on the verge of throwing caution to the wind. But she knows him too well, enough to know that caution is something he doesn’t play around with.
“Kaya…”
“Sleep on it,” she interrupts softly. “Seriously. It’ll be better.”
He looks for a moment as though he’s about to argue but at the last second simply nods. “Your hair’s longer,” he comments, fingering the ends of her loose, dark hair.
“Yeah. I’ll have to cut it soon.”
“Don’t. It’s beautiful.”
Kaya sighs. “Joon, you’re making this really hard,” she complains softly, her gaze dropping to his chest. She imagines him pulling her into it, feeling the hug she’s needed for months now.
“Sorry.” He swallows, just as a tune begins playing. His eyes light up in surprise. “Wait, do you know this song?”
“Uh… no,” she answers, frowning at the unfamiliar melody. It sounds like it’s coming from Jieun’s bedroom, but she can neither recall nor understand the lyrics. “Do you?”
“Yeah,” he says immediately, glancing up at the same window. “It’s pretty popular. It came out a long time ago, though. Like, when I was a baby.”
“Huh.” She listens for a few seconds. “Very Phil Collins,” she remarks.
Namjoon bites his lips and smiles, the dimple popping gorgeously. “You know what this reminds me of?”
Kaya grins despite herself. “Let me guess,” she begins deliberately as she lets him take her hand. “London?”
He chuckles, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Hey, I can’t help it if London has so many good memories,” he reasons, his feet already moving in a rough rhythm.
She laughs but doesn’t argue, choosing to enjoy how he feels against her for a few precious minutes - quite possibly the last few minutes that she’ll ever feel it. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment before opening them, only to see a light over his shoulder.
“Oh, God. Can we not do this where the neighbour can see us from his bathroom?” she groans, starting to step away.,
Namjoon tugs her even closer. “No one’s watching us. It’s Christmas Eve; they have better things to do.”
“Actually, it’s Christmas Eve-Eve and - okay, we’re in direct eyeline of the main road. Namjoon, what if someone sees you - oh, my God!”
Kaya’s feet leave the ground all of a sudden and after two large strides, Namjoon places her back down on the ground, arm firm around her. She bursts into giggles, stifling them against his shoulder as she regains her balance, looking up to see them under the tree in Jieun’s front yard, the fairy lights giving them a warm glow.
“Is that better?” he asks, laughing.
“Much better,” she agrees, feeling her heart expand as she moves right up against him, holding his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his collarbone as the song continues playing.
“Good,” he murmurs, his lips at her hair.
It isn’t a long song; Kaya’s just about registering how good he feels, how familiar, how safe, when the music fades away. They don’t step away from each other, though. She rests her forehead on his shoulder, hoping another song will play - anything to keep this moment going on a bit longer.
It doesn’t, but they still don’t move. She can feel Namjoon’s heartbeat against her hand, the one he’s clasping against his chest.
“Do you still love me?” he asks quietly.
Just like yesterday when he’d texted unexpectedly, taking the initial step, displaying the first hints of vulnerability, Kaya feels every strip of remaining defensiveness fall away, leaving nothing but raw honesty behind.
“Yes,” she admits, softly but clearly.
Namjoon’s arm tightens around her. “Can I kiss you?”
Her heart leaps. “Can you check if Jae-lin is still here?”
He snickers but she can feel his head tilt up. “No, she’s gone.”
“Then, yes,” she answers immediately, finally separating from him. Namjoon looks as though the sun’s come out; he exhales purposefully, his gaze falling from her eyes to her mouth. Gently moving her hair away from her face, he pulls her closer and, after more than half a year of doubt, anxiety and sadness, he kisses her.
The first time he’d ever kissed her was sweetness; sunny, warm and inviting. The next few times were flirty, sensual, teasing, followed by sexy, loving, affectionate - whatever the situation demanded. Namjoon was a hell of a kisser, his lips and body always moving in tandem, and he made her feel whatever the moment desired, every single time.
Right now, it’s a multitude of things. Kaya can’t even begin to identify it; she’s barely made it past the fact that she’s kissing him again, finally, feeling his lips and his hair and his hands on her. There are too many things in the kiss, but there’s only one thing clear in her mind: please don’t let this be goodbye.
It’s a vain hope because it may very well be, and she pulls him closer by the lapels of his jacket when she thinks it, trying somewhere in the desperation of their passion to remember that at least now, if they end everything right here, she’ll remember their last kiss.
Namjoon’s holding her close, so close. His lips are soft but firm, and the kiss sinking. When they finally pull away, staying right there, foreheads touching and his hand still in her hair, Kaya feels his heartbeat again. It’s under her palm, racing unevenly, but so strong.
This can’t be goodbye, she thinks again, even though every passing second makes it more and more clear that it probably is. It had been her suggestion to think it over and to consider more than just love, but in this moment, she regrets it immensely, for while Namjoon can be sweet and loving and romantic, nothing makes as much sense to him as pure, rational thinking.
It was one of the most attractive qualities about him; he was an artist, had an artist’s vision and temperament, but still held logic and reasoning in high regard. To a research student who worked with numbers, data and science, he was the perfect combination of everything she wanted in a man.
Despite that, Kaya wishes she’d never said anything. Eyes squeezed shut, she can’t believe this might be the last time, the last everything. She feels him take a deep breath before he kisses her forehead.
And just like that, she knows she’s made a mistake.
“Goodnight, Kaya,” he whispers against her skin. He pulls away and smooths down her hair. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
There’s nothing left to do but nod silently, and watch him drive away into the cold.
—
A faint buzzing wakes her up.
“Fuck,” whispers Kaya, feeling around on her bedside table for her phone. Squinting at the screen, she pauses in confusion. When the ringing continues, she answers before she wakes her mother sleeping next to her.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” Namjoon sounds far more awake than her. “Sorry, I think I woke you.”
“Good guess,” she mutters thickly, sitting up into a slightly more comfortable position. “What’s up? Is - is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” There’s a pause where she can hear the smile in his voice. “I forgot how adorable you sound when you’re sleepy.”
Despite how her heart skips a beat, she frowns. “Seriously? You woke me up at the break of dawn to flirt with me?”
He chuckles, low and pleasant. “No. I was hoping we could talk. In person,” he clarifies after a moment.
“I - well… I don’t think I’ll get a cab for a couple more hours at least.”
“Mhm, mhm. It’s a good thing I’m outside Jieun’s house, then.”
Kaya’s eyes snap open. “You’re - what?” She peers out of the gap between the curtains in the guest room. “Babe, it’s six am - the sun isn’t even up yet,” she groans, a second before she inwardly cringes and hopes he’ll let her slip of the tongue go without comment.
“I - I know. But I’ve been thinking about this all night. You asked me to sleep on it - and that’s what I did. I thought about it, looked back on everything, even had a drink to clear my head.”
“So you did everything but sleep on it.”
Namjoon sighs. “I’m sorry, I just… I have to leave in a few hours. And I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”
His tone seems to imply not wholly good news. She swallows, her heart already sinking. “And it can’t wait?” She drops her head into her hand. “I think those three glasses of wine are finally hitting me.”
“I have coffee,” he offers. “And the fresh air should help.”
Irrefutable logic. The smell of caffeine seems to spur her decision and she rolls her eyes. “Fine. Thank God you’re not my leader.”
He laughs. “I’m waiting outside,” he says before hanging up.
There’s no scope to pretty herself for this. Kaya manages to stumble to the bathroom and brush her teeth, after which it’s layer upon layer until she deems herself sufficiently padded for a December morning in Seoul at dawn. She doesn’t want to risk waking anyone up, so simply drops her mother a text: I’m fine. Just went outside for a walk with Namjoon.
“Hey, beautiful,” he greets her when she steps out, pursing his lips when she momentarily freezes. “Here you go,” he says, handing her a cup of coffee.
“Thanks. I needed this.” She takes the first sip, hot enough to scald her throat, and shivers in the frosty air. They begin walking down the street, the same one they’d driven up last night, with hundreds of unspoken words between them. Now, with all of them uttered and confessed, the air seems clearer and sky seems lighter, a nice indigo over the Christmas lights put up through the lane.
“Thank you for having me over last night,” he says. “I was planning on going home and ordering in, so home-cooked food was kind of amazing.”
“Well, you definitely paid Jieun back in kind, by keeping her daughter entertained all night,” she reminds him, still annoyed by how gushy Jae-lin had been last night. She’d always been a fan, since years before Kaya and Namjoon had ever met, and even though she’d somehow managed to get used to the fact that they were dating, her outward behaviour still needed some restraining sometimes.
Namjoon laughs. “I didn’t mind.” He’s dressed in sweatpants and a grey hoodie, with a black leather jacket thrown hurriedly over it. Looking at him, it’s as though he’d rushed out the door to meet with her.
They reach the neighbourhood park, empty as expected. It seems to be the only area in the entire neighbourhood that isn’t decorated; at this time of the morning, it looks strangely eerie.
“This should work,” mutters Namjoon, stepping inside and heading towards the swings, sitting on one edge of a two-person swing. Kaya trails after him silently, stopping a few steps away as he adjusts his position and looks up at her.
It’s gorgeous, his small smile. “Sit with me?” he asks. “I always loved going to the park as a kid. My parents would get happy because it meant I was taking a break from studying.” He chuckles.
Kaya doesn’t move. Dropping her gaze to the cup in her hand, she traces the mouth of the lid with her finger. “What’s happening right now, Namjoon? Is this us taking another risk together or… just an amicable way to say goodbye?”
Namjoon’s smile fades slightly. “Sit with me?” he repeats, sounding more sombre this time. “I’ll explain everything.”
Hesitating for a moment, Kaya joins him on the swing. Their shoulders brush, and she tucks her hair behind her ear before placing both hands around her cup like a safety tool, savouring the heat from it.
He takes a deep breath. “I thought about it,” he says finally. “In fact, I’ve been thinking about it all night. And if you ask me right now if I want to get back together… the answer is yes. It’s just yes,” he says earnestly, meeting her eyes. “I don’t have to think about it. I - I want you,” he admits. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you in my life.”
I want you. The words should be enough for her to break into song, but instead Kaya’s chest constricts, as though her heart is bracing itself for the bad news.
“But if you’re asking me about a decision,” he continues, looking away now. “If you’re asking me about a long-term plan for our future - which is a fair ask, by the way,” he inserts quickly, glancing up briefly, “I - you know, it turns out I’ve been thinking about this for a while? I didn’t realise it, but it’s always been there at the back of my mind.”
Kaya doesn’t say anything. There’s a sense of foreboding in his words and she wonders all of a sudden if it isn’t just better to have a break-up over the phone.
“Given my job,” he says slowly, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully, “given the industry, given my family… the fact that I’ll have to enlist in the military in a few years -” He breaks off momentarily and clears his throat, while her heart clenches. “Given all that, I think it would be impossible - and irresponsible - of me to promise you a future that I don’t know if I’ll be able to give you.”
“But I can promise you,” he says after a moment, and she knows he’s tilting his head to try and meet her eyes, “that every decision I take, every plan that I make… all of that will be done keeping this future in mind. The one with you in it.”
She frowns, finally looking up at him. “Are you sure?” she asks, and she hopes he understands what she’s asking.
He seems to. “Yeah, I am. I can’t… not have you in my future. If I look down ten years, fifteen years, twenty… I just can’t picture a future without you in it.”
Kaya doesn’t know what to say. They’ve just ventured into territory she wasn’t expecting. It’s not commitment. It’s not even a plan. It’s just a promise of intent, and she has no choice but to take him at his word.
He brushes her knee with the back of his hand. “Kaya?”
She bites her lip. “This… future,” she ventures, finding it strange even saying the word. “If you had it your way… what does it look like?”
Namjoon seems to consider this. “White picket fence,” he says, nodding. “And a backyard, definitely.”
Without meaning to, Kaya feels her face break into a smile. “Really?”
“Yeah. And, uh… one of those small bars in the house, with a countertop and the mixer things,” he adds, using an imaginary shaker. “A suburban house… late night drinks, where we talk about how our day was.” He looks down at her and smirks playfully. “Meeting for quickies in the studio during lunch?”
Kaya laughs. “Of course, I’m sure,” she says sarcastically, secretly unable to wait for more. “What else?”
“Um…” He squints up at the lightening sky, trying to think. “Museum dates on the weekends… Learning how to use a lawnmower.”
“I’m sorry,” she says softly, reaching up to touch his bangs, her heart full, “but there is no future in which I’m ever letting you near a lawnmower.”
Namjoon snorts. “Fair enough. What about… oh, a home gym, for sure.” The smile fades a bit, and he gets a slightly faraway look in his eyes. “An SUV… big enough to fit multiple people.” He meets her eyes. “Four bedrooms. At least.”
She swallows, her heart pounding. The prickling in her eyes is back and she stares at her lap, hoping it’ll go away. “Are you really serious right now?” she asks quietly, hearing the tremble in her voice.
“Completely,” he promises. “I know it’s not what you asked, and I’m sorry I can’t give that to you. But it’s the best I can do. Is it… is it enough for you?”
After what feels like an eternity, but is really only a few seconds, Kaya nods. “Yes,” she answers, watching the relief flood through his face. “It’s enough for me.”
When Namjoon says nothing and simply exhales shakily, she tilts her head. “Do you still love me?” she asks him, unable to keep the teasing out of her tone.
He gives a raspy sort of chuckle, pulling her to him and kissing her temple. “You’re the love of my life, baby.”
This would be the time to break into song, but Kaya reins it in, choosing instead to close her eyes and press her lips to his jaw, savouring that Kim Namjoon is, once again, hers - possibly for a long, long time.
“You know I spent, like, an hour yesterday picking out my outfit,” she murmurs after a moment, waiting for him to hum against her hair. “Should I get mad at you now or later for choosing to confess your undying love for me when I’m in a college sweatshirt and Jieun’s Uggs?”
He laughs, the deep sound making her heart flutter. “If it helps, I realised my undying love for you yesterday, while you were in your sexy outfit.” He tugs her closer by the waist and kisses her on the mouth.
Kaya makes a sound of surprise but doesn’t pull away. She holds his face to hers, running her hand through his hair, his thick blond strands as he gently coaxes her mouth open. There’s only so much room on the swing, though, and after about a minute of renewed passion, Kaya feels it sway dangerously under her. She’s just about to pull away when Namjoon sucks on her lower lip, a low groan accompanying it, and squeezes her waist - and she falls.
“Shit,” he mutters, taking a second to understand what just happened. “Are you okay?” he asks, snickering and bending to give her a hand. His dimple appears on his left cheek, brighter than the sunrise.
“What better way to resume our relationship, right?” she mutters dryly, taking his hand and dusting herself off. “The sun’s coming up, anyway - you don’t want to get caught making out with someone in a children’s park.”
“What kid comes to the park at seven in the morning?” he argues, tugging her closer by the waist again. “It’s the perfect place to make out with my girlfriend, if you think about it.”
She’s about to differ, but he kisses her on the cheek then before trailing his lips down her jaw and towards her neck. She sighs, her eyes fluttering shut on their own. He leaves for Ilsan in a few hours; if there was ever a time to risk making out in a public place, this is it.
“Fine, come here,” she instructs, stepping away and ignoring his protests, pulling him towards the corner of the park. She stops just beyond the jungle gyms, near the wall bordering the park and under a canopy of trees. “This will do,” she says approvingly, grinning when he wordlessly kisses her again.
Here, with the protection of the trees from prying eyes, Kaya allows herself to be taken by him completely. It’s the same urgent passion, but less desperate and more affectionate. Museum dates, late night drinks and an SUV, she thinks, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeper. He knew the right things to say and she hopes with all her heart that they make it to the future he’s envisioning.
“Mm, Joon, your hands are cold,” she complains against his lips, giggling as he slips them under her t-shirt.
“They are, huh?” he murmurs, low and deep, nipping at her lip and backing her against the wall.
“Fucking freezing,” she adds, sighing when they disappear from against her skin. “Can we go back to my - oh, wait,” she remembers, leaning her head back against the wall. “This isn’t Amsterdam and I don’t have an apartment of my own.”
“Well, it’s Seoul and I do have an apartment of my own,” he points out. “I have to be back in Ilsan for brunch but maybe we can sneak away for a bit…?” Namjoon trails off, shaking his head already, clearly on the same lines as her.
“We can do better than a quickie,” she says heavily, even as she presses her lips together. Her eyes dart to the bulge in his sweatpants and she swallows, resisting the urge to palm him right here. “When are you back?”
“Twenty-seventh morning,” he answers. “When are you flying back?”
Kaya hesitates. “Twenty-eighth morning.”
“Okay.” He nods, brushing his thumb against her cheek. “It’s going to be a hell of a twenty-seventh of December, then.”
She smiles and nods. “Yeah. I’m glad you’ll be with your family on Christmas, by the way.”
“Me, too.”
“Do you want to come over for a quick breakfast?” she offers, raising her eyebrows. “Everyone in that house is an early riser, including Jae-lin.”
“Sure,” he answers, surprising her. “You can tell her we’re back together, too.”
“Perfect.”
“Oh, wait.” Namjoon frowns, apparently just remembering something. “Won’t they be worried? If they wake up and see that you’re gone?”
“We’re half a block away from the house,” she reminds him.
“Sure, but they don’t know you’re here,” he points out.
She shakes her head. “Don’t worry. I dropped my mom a text.”
“Do you think that’s enough?”
“She’ll know I’m okay,” assures Kaya, getting up on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “I told her I’m with you.”
—
Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)
#namjoon x oc#namjoon x reader#namjoon x fanfic#btswritingcafe#thebtswritersclub#btshoneyhive#bangtanbathhouse#bangtanwhq#houseofddaeng#btscarnivalnet#kvanity#bangtanoasis#wkcnet#rm fanfic#rm angst#namjoon angst#hyunglinenetwork
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Peaky Blinders letter exchange
Arthur Shelby x Heaven
Letters master list
💌 So I’m beyond thrilled for this brilliant idea, @raincoffeeandfandoms thank you for creating this project I almost stick to the deadline… not going to lie it was quite a challenge since I��ve never wrote for other than Tommy, but just as in life, I’m always up for a challenge 😉
The first letter was written by @call-sign-shark as the OC, Heaven 🤍 I have to admit this letter made me dream about their encounter, the response as Arthur was written by me, I hope you enjoy!
Summary: After S3c Heaven and Arthur live a peaceful and happy life in their house in the forrest and they are trying for a child. But when Arthur got the mafia’s black hand, he came back to Small Heath. At first he asked his wife not to come to protect her, but their love is so strong, so drug-like, that they kinda withered without each other. So she decides to join him no matter the danger of Changretta’s threats. Arthur receives the letter the day Tommy told him everyone should stick together for safety reasons.
*****
Mon amour,
Bleak Winter and brass knuckles,
My heart burns in the steel
Of your saddened eyes.
Night fell upon the city and I’m alone in our house, our big dog lying at my feet and flickering candle lights as sole company. As I watched the moonlight and stars, I felt the urge to write down these words for my heart aches with your absence.
I know you asked me to stay away from Small Heath until things are better with Luca Changretta, but I’m becoming crazy between these walls. I can’t stand the idea of you risking your life and not being able to take you in my arms at night to give you comfort, nor to wash away the blood from your face and hands. Admittedly, it sounds like I am writing this in pure emotions and I am pretty sure that’s what Thomas will say, but I have thought the matters for nights and days before taking this decision: I am coming back to Small Heath, and we will fight as we have always done since we have met: together. As long as you’re with me, I know that nothing can happen — and if Death brings its cold and bony fingers around my neck, know that I’ll forever be by your side. But Arthur, I can’t go on without you. Each day without your presence is not worth living: I would rather hold your hand and bath in blood with you than being locked up away from you, safe but decaying.
As I impatiently wait for our “retrouvailles” in three days, I keep brushing the golden ring your offered me with the tips of my fingers. Your gravel voice still echoes in my head, the words of your proposal bringing me comfort in my darkest and coldest nights. I remember how pained you looked when Tommy told us to wait for this gang war to be over before getting married but I think this is not a good idea. Quite the contrary, this is one rule we should disobey. Even in the midst of battle, I am ready to wear my white dress and deliver my vows, flowers crowns on my head and razor blade in my hand. If sky fall apart and hell breaks loose, at least we’ll leave this world as husband and wife — but don’t get me wrong, I am pretty sure no one will make you bow. Don’t forget that you’re a strong man. Stronger than you can imagine, stronger than everyone thinks. I believe in you, and always will. In the meantime, keep me in your heart and I promise I’ll soon be in your arms,
Forever yours,
Your angel Heaven.
-
My dear Heaven,
There’s no more room for sadness for me since the day you walked into my life.
Last night I had a dream, it was already dark and I was sitting alone, you suddenly appeared out of nowhere and everything changed; it was a sunny day and we were walking hand in hand around the forest that surrounds our home. I just wish it could be true and you could be by my side, you can’t even imagine how much I dream of you….
Finding your letter early today gave me peace, but the day has been a fucking nightmare and I just got the chance to answer your words in the middle of the night.
How I wish it was me lying next to you, feeling your warm body calming my busy mind. Don’t let out dog get used to it, though as I intend to take my spot back once this war is over.
If only you knew how much your love means to me… you saved me from the darkness. It’s been lonely nights without you darling, but the sacrifice will be worth it, we will be able to go back to our routine and start the family your heart desires, but your love is giving me the strength I need at this moment, that’s what keeps me going.
I need you to stay away from this mess, that’s the only way I have to protect you.
Oh no, you bloody what?! Heaven, love that’s the craziest idea, I miss you so much yes, but there’s no way I can put you in danger, Small Heath isn’t a good idea right now… and please don’t even think about it, I’d never let anything bad happen to you.
But as I know, once you make a decision there’s no way to convince you otherwise, so just let me make adjustments and prepare the way you’ll get in so it’s the safest, at least give me that peace eh?
I cannot wait until we get married, but again if you already decided you don’t want to wait, we’ll do it right away. You’ll be the prettiest bride, you’ll look like an angel…and later after all of this passes we’ll have a bloody big celebration. Don’t worry about Tommy, he’ll understand.
Your words mean so much, I treasure it so close to me heart my dear.
I’m looking forward to our “retrouvailles”. I just know having you close will give me peace.
Always in my head and heart soon to be Heaven Shelby.
Always yours,
AS.
****
Tag list:
@runnning-outof-time @call-sign-shark @shelbydelrey @raincoffeeandfandoms @there-goes-thefighter @dandelionprints @zablife @cljordan-imperium
I don’t know if you read for Arthur, if not that’s okay!
@lyarr24 @esposadomd @elenavampire21 @stevie75 @babaohhhriley @fastfan @forgottenpeakywriter @mrkdvidal1989 @shaddixlife @moral-terpitude @pono-pura-vida @ange-thoughts @onlydeadcells @lespendy @sloanexx
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Christmas/Winter Themed Writing Prompts:
So @aisalynn and I were looking for a prompt list and ended up creating our own. We wanted to have a bit of enemies to lovers sharpness alongside some softer tropes. There are ones here that can be used platonically as well as romantically, so no real limit on the ship. Though I've mainly written for Corintheus I'm happy to give pretty much any pairing a go :)
Feel free to use any of these for your own writing inspiration if there's one that speaks to you!
Character A gets unexpectedly jealous by seeing B kissing someone else under the mistletoe.
Characters celebrating/observing an old seasonal/yuletide tradition that has almost been forgotten.
Characters A and B are rivals forced to cuddle for warmth
Exes forced to see each other at a holiday party because their friend group refused to choose between them.
Characters A and B have never gotten along but somehow end up paired together on a project for their companies season charity event.
Character A watches someone else give character B a gift and knows they could have chosen something better.
Character A runs into character B and sees that B is wearing A's favourite sweater that went missing a few weeks ago.
“If you try and make me sing Christmas carols I will kill you.”
Meet ugly where character A accidentally spills hot chocolate all over character B. Far from being apologetic A is just pissed about the loss of the whiskey they had poured into the drink.
Character A yanking character B closer by their scarf in the middle of an argument.
Post break-up character A gets dragged to a strip club by well-meaning friends and ends up there for the Christmas themed night. Character B wears mistletoe in...interesting places.
Character A and character B don't get along but somehow end up as each other’s secret Santa.
Character A and B are the only two people at an airport bar while they each wait for their separate delayed flights home for Christmas.
Characters A and B share a drunken New Years kiss. They mutually agree to forget about it. But then it keeps happening. Every. Single. Year.
Rival ice carving artists.
Jewellery shop owner character A keeps selling and processing returns for the Christmas proposal ring indecisive character B keeps buying. Final return after character B's failed proposal and break up.
Character A gets a Christmas present meant for character B and has to try and get it to them in time for Christmas.
Character A hates Christmas, character B decides it’s the perfect time of year to mess with them.
Character A keeps being set up with character C for family events and needs an excuse. They choose character B to be their fake partner, but they don’t tell them what they've done.
Character A is on a terrible sleigh ride date when the horse goes lame. Ends up helping character B, the sleigh driver with the horse, turns out not to be a bad night after all.
Character A is a sketch artist working over the holidays, character B is the next person to sit down in their chair.
Character A’s heating breaks in the middle of winter, character B is the engineer they call out to fix it.
Character A is trying to find a date in time for the holidays but they keep being cancelled on, character B seems oddly smug about it
Character A owns a bakery, character B is obsessed with everything they make—including the delicious winter treats they’re currently selling—but thinks A themselves is arrogant and intolerable (irritatingly hot though).
Instead of wrapping presents character A finds a dubious, but very creative, use for ribbons, character B falls victim but finds they’re into it.
Character A has taken to sucking on candy canes, character B is bothered by this but can’t tear their eyes away.
“You can’t hide under blankets forever just because it’s cold.” “Yes I can.” — character A then proceeds to drag character B out of their blanket den.
The season reminds character A of something/someone they’ve lost, character B comforts them in an unconventional way.
Character A wants to avoid a family reunion over the holidays, character B helps stage an ‘emergency’.
Characters A and B spend the holidays together for the first time as a couple, character C is a person in common they weren’t aware the other knew (up to you whether this is a good or a bad thing)
Character A is used to partners not being very accepting of their family/friends, character B meets them for the holidays and is the first to take it all in stride.
Character A is performing in *winter/Christmas themed media of your choice*, character B happens to be sat in the front row on opening night.
Character A is famous for writing a very catchy seasonal song that plays every year, only thing is they utterly despise hearing it now. Character B won’t stop humming it.
#Christmas/Winter prompts#writing prompts#send me an ask if you like any of these#might take a little while to finish but I'm excited to write some winter themed things#10 is actually an existing wip idea haha
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The Affections of an Architect - Chapter 4
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader
Status: ONGOING, inconsistent updates
Summary: There’s a woman Levi sees every Friday on bus 143, and he thinks she’s really cute. It wouldn’t hurt to keep a paper star from her, would it?
or, you and Levi take the same bus home from work every Friday, and he falls in love slowly, clumsily, and with all the time in the world to design the architecture of his dreams.
Word Count: 7.5k
Tags: slow burn, friends to lovers, modern au, office au, fluff, romance, meet-cute, matchmaking, levi pov
(A/N: this fic is available on ao3 here if you would like to read it there instead! The Affections of an Architect is a spin-off of The Romance of Reimbursements, but can be read as a standalone if preferred. They are the same story, but The Affections of an Architect is written entirely in Levi's POV. The Romance of Reimbursements is already completed, and The Affections of an Architect is currently a side-project that will be updated infrequently.)
Chapter Navigation
Accompanying Playlist
texts from a friend
Levi looks to the clock perched at the very back end of the lecture hall, and it’s now 2:30 PM.
“We’ve reached time. Remember that your proposals are due before next week, midnight. I’ll also remind you that if you’d like to request any additional office hours, you must email me at least 24 hours in advance. Any questions before we end?”
A student in the back row’s hand goes up. “Professor, do you accept late work?”
Levi recognizes him as the bastard who came during last week’s office hours to aggressively demand that Levi write him a letter of recommendation—two weeks into the course, mind you, and when Levi hadn’t ever talked to him prior to that interaction.
Needless to say, Levi didn’t think very highly of him.
Levi deadpans. “Yes, Forster, I’ve answered this already today. My late policy is also in the syllabus. Anyone else?”
When he’s met with silence, he closes his laptop and disconnects it from the projector. He unclips the small microphone attached to the collar of his usual white dress shirt, and he stores it in its designated drawer underneath the podium. He checks in with his teaching staff to make sure they’re faring alright with their grading workload, and after taking note to email Leonhart another copy of the grading rubric when he’s available, he’s off to go catch the bus.
“Can’t wait to get out of this fucking place,” he grumbles underneath his breath, hiking up his backpack as he goes to open the door and leave.
Why’s Levi so especially bitter today, you might ask?
Well, as it’d turn out, there were plenty of other things that he’s had to worry about over the workweek, and all his frustration has finally caught up to him as he takes the quick stroll from the lecture hall to the bus stop.
He’d gotten everything squared away with his lesson plans relatively quickly, but even though his lectures over the rest of the week went relatively smoothly, he still feels a cloud hanging overhead everywhere he goes. All the grading, all the assignment drafting, all the contracts he has to look over—none of it is particularly harder than it usually is, but Levi’s head is far too removed from the strenuous load after the brief winter break, and his work ethic hasn’t kicked in to where he needs it yet.
If nothing else, work is over now, and he already knows that tonight’s sleep will be especially dreamy. Might as well just toss aside all his problems until he has to deal with them later.
Un(fortunately), Hange texted the group chat on Wednesday to ask everyone (meaning only him and Erwin, seeing as Moblit and Mike are as busy as they always are) to come over tonight for what he presumes is dinner, so he’ll have to go to that, but other than that, he’s free to waste away in his living room and complain about the Frank winning Head of Household during the Big Brother reruns that Isabel puts on.
Ugh, still.
Even though it’s Friday, Levi can’t help feeling distressed. Just last week, he was breathing hot air into the cold winter sky to watch it float away before skipping off to see the unnamed stranger he came to look forward to seeing across the way on the bus, and now he’s caught stressing himself over paperwork and other pro forma bullshit. Even if he didn’t really anticipate any greater interaction than merely getting to hear her greet the bus driver when she’d gotten on at her stop, it was something he looked forward to every week, and he can only barely remember to be excited about it.
At least he’s too wound up in his head to be as anxious about it as he usually is.
No wondering about whether or not you’d think he was too quiet to be worth being acquainted with, no having to think about whether or not he’d have to force small talk to fill the surefire silence. This is certainly better than having to face any gnawing nervousness about seeing you after the awkward mess that was Monday’s lunch hour.
As he steadily approaches the bus stop, he sees that there’s a concerning amount of students waiting there. Why there’s so many of them, he has no idea, but when he’s finally stood in the makeshift line and practically forced to listen to their meaningless conversations, he overhears a group of friends talking about a concert for some artist downtown.
Well, so much for an easy ride home.
Firstly, all these people in an enclosed space? He’s going to have a fucking headache, having to spend the next however many minutes it is that it’s going to take for all these people to get off the bus. Besides, winter get-togethers are enough of a super-spreader event on their own, and even if he’s had to be okay with it, the bus isn’t exactly the cleanest place he could be. It’s a miracle that he hasn’t caught a cold yet, really.
That’s not even to mention the fact that there’s surely going to be traffic in the city, and all the bumps and stops aren’t going to make the inevitable pounding between his ears any more pleasant. The metal of his backpack’s zippers will clang at every abrupt stop, and he’s sure he’s going to want to jump out of the window every time. At any rate, he’s going to have to go directly to Hange’s apartment to make it there on time.
But, almost tauntingly, his subconscious nags at him to wonder… will he even get to see you with all these people there?
Levi’s fairly certain that your stop is before the city’s major stadium, and there’s sure to be other people coming onboard as the bus continues its way through the city. There’s no way that there’d be any seats left open by the time it reaches you. You’d be left holding onto the upper handles until the bulk of people left, but who knows how long that’ll be if the traffic is as bad as he thinks it’ll be?
The bus has now arrived, and even though he’s already making his way towards the opened doors, everyone else around him is scrambling to get their fare situated, and as he scans his own card, he looks back towards the end of the vehicle.
He knows he’ll manage to get a seat for himself, but saving one for you is something he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to do.
Whether or not that’s because his conscience is screaming at him that keeping a seat preoccupied is rude, he doesn’t really care because he’s had enough of his logical mind telling him what to do this week, but would it be appropriate for him to extend the gesture of saving you a seat if he’s only just learned your name not even a week ago?
Nevermind that, would you even want to sit next to him if he’d save you a seat?
And for whatever fucking reason, his mind runs wild with all the ways this simple gesture could be interpreted wrong.
You barely know anything about him, and he’s more than sure that he’s scared you off enough by being so fucking awkward when he came through your office—it wouldn’t be entirely out of the realm of possibility that you’d just rather never speak to him unless in a group setting.
And you always seem so tired after work, no matter how bright you still manage to somehow be—would he be taking advantage of that by leaving the only available seat to be the one next to him? Erwin had mentioned there were some issues at work when Levi had lunch with him on Monday, so he can only imagine what kind of hell you’re going through as another person impacted by whatever company bullshit was going on. You’re probably as stressed out of your mind as Levi himself is.
But at the same time, wouldn’t you appreciate him taking that into consideration and making sure that you had somewhere to sit? Would it be rude of him to not save you a seat at all?
Or, maybe he should save your usual seat, the one across from him?
That wouldn’t be so weird if it weren’t for the fact that it’d mean you’d know that he remembers where you sit. How could he not when he’s seen you there for the last 4 months? But Levi hardly has any intention of letting on that he even acknowledged your presence in the past, so he doesn’t know if he could do that.
Could he even save that seat? He could plant his backpack there as a placeholder, but he knows that it’d be entirely his own fault if it got stolen or pickpocketed or whatever else someone could do to a backpack.
God, he has no fucking idea.
Whether the universe is continuing to torture him or giving him a break, as he takes his usual seat facing the window, he’s not afforded the ability to make any decisions after someone takes their own seat next to him.
So much for expending whatever’s left of his rational mind.
You know what?
He could just give you his own seat. He doesn’t mind that at all.
Yeah…
Yeah, that’s certainly easier than anything else he could choose to do right now.
This could just be passed off as some sort of returned payment for the expressed generosity of giving him that canister of tea. No need to overcomplicate anything and make it seem like he wants to sit next to you.
This is just an act of… modern chivalry.
Yeah.
Levi sighs to himself as he sets his backpack on his lap and rests his chin over its top handle.
It’ll all be fine. It’ll only take a second for him to get up, offer you his seat, and he’ll be on his way to Hange’s apartment to get food poisoning from their cooking.
Now to just hope that you accept the gesture, and he can hold onto an upper handle and act like his nerves aren’t completely shot.
✰
For the rest of the ride, Levi spaces in and out of focus. The tire of working long hours this week is lulling him to a haphazard state of relaxation, and the only things keeping him awake are the harsh jolts he feels when the driver has to brake, and the fact that he has to be conscious of when you get on the bus so he can give you his seat.
Thankfully, there’s a certain four-eyed scientist across the city right now who needs to ask him for a huge favor.
Levi feels a buzz in his pocket, and, desperate for anything to keep his mind off the annoying bumps in the road, he takes it out to see a text from Hange.
Four Eyes - 3:05 PM
Heyyy still coming?? Not bailing on us are you >:(
Levi sighs.
Levi - 3:05 PM
Yes
Four Eyes - 3:07 PM
Ok perfect!!! Listen listen
I need you to buy me like a FUCK ton of eggs
I think the biggest pack they have at that one store on Rose blvd or road or whatever has 60 in a big pack
And some butter :3
Levi - 3:07 PM
Why do you need so many eggs?
Four Eyes - 3:08 PM
Just trust me!!!!
Levi rolls his eyes.
Levi - 3:08 PM
Yeah no
Get them yourself
I’m in traffic rn
Four Eyes - 3:10 PM
Im still at the lab so i cant >:O
How are you even in traffic, aren’t you on the bus?
But whatvr!! Ill just ask Astraea to get them for me
Levi’s fingers freeze and his breath halts at seeing your mention over text.
What does that mean, Hange could ask you to get them? Why would they think to inconvenience you with grabbing fucking eggs in the first place?
Sure, you’re their best friend, but it’s not like Hange’s crass enough to just order you around and do their financial bidding.
Unless… you’re coming to their apartment tonight too.
His fingers spark back to life, and they move faster across his phone’s keyboard than he can stop them.
Levi - 3:12 PM
Is she coming over?
Surely, that’s not it. You’re busy enough, Hange is probably just going to ask you to pick something up and drop it off since you’re neighbors. It's not like Hange's that-
Four Eyes - 3:12 PM
OOPS LOL DID I FORGET TO SAY
Hange most definitely did not forget to say. This is the same shit as what happened at dinner—them purposefully leaving out information like this.
Levi pinches the bridge of his nose and hides his face in his hands.
God fucking dammit, Hange.
By now, it’s been a bit past a half-hour since the bus has left the Sina University campus, and as the bus stops to let people on and off, Levi realizes he’s already reached the stop where you get on. The person sitting to his right has now gotten up to leave, and while he was planning to give up his own seat for you, when he sees that there’s no one rushing to take the seat, he hastily moves to put his backpack there to save it for you. He looks around to make sure that there’s no one suspicious of him, or at least side-eyeing him for occupying extra space, but it seems that he’s the only one who’d think to care about that at all.
When he hears you give your routine thanks to the driver, he leans forward to see you, trying to trace the direction of his eyes to follow the walkway that leads to where you are. It’s not hard for him to find you, the silver buckles on your briefcase twinkling against the harsh afternoon sun as you turn to walk down the narrow lane to find somewhere to sit.
As your eyes scan for an empty space to occupy, he tries to make contact with you and offer you the seat next to him. He still has no idea whether or not you’d accept the offer or, even worse, be burdened by it, but the gentle tug of his heart is enough to make him want to try.
It’s only right to extend the offer of a bus seat to a friend acquaintance person he knows, is it not? Especially when he’s due to spend the later part of the eve with you and the rest of the group.
He feels a faint flame of embarrassment in his chest when he realizes your eyes haven’t found his, but as he watches you start to reach for an upper handle, he has no choice but to fan it even brighter.
He calls out your name, as firmly as he can without causing any unnecessary noise, and he starts to feel his stomach turn as he tries to catch your attention. Still, he watches as you seem to ignore him, though your hand halts in reaching upwards for a second, and he, again, has no choice but to try again, this time a bit louder. He calls out your name once more, and his heart just about stops when you turn to the sound of his voice and let a small smile find its way onto your face.
All too fast and all too slow, he watches as you rush past the other people on the cart to get him, apologizing as you pass them. The nip of the cold on your cheeks has turned them faintly pink, and you sigh happily as you nod to him in greeting.
Levi takes off the backpack from the seat next to him and puts it on his lap, and he looks up at you nervously. Your eyes were already on him, looking back and forth between him and the empty seat to his right, and he feels like he can’t breathe.
God, he can only hope that he doesn’t look as stupid as he thinks he does.
“Did you save a seat for me?” You ask, pointing at the space next to him.
He nods, unable to find any words to make himself seem sane enough.
You smile again in response, but before you can sit down, the bus starts moving again, and you’re taken off balance. “Woah!”
Thankfully, you already were turning to have your back against the seat and you weren’t going to bump into anyone, but Levi only has a second to decide what to do to lessen your fall back down.
He quickly slides his phone underneath his thigh to free his hand, and he positions himself to place his hand over the glass window behind you, thinking to lessen the impact on your head. He leaves a bit of space in between his hand and the window to make sure that his hand can fall back gently to allow for a softer landing, and he holds his breath as he watches you fall back into your seat. At the contact of his hand against your head, he lets his hand fall back and hit the glass and feels the blunt force of the window against his knuckles.
As soon as you’re comfortably sat, he pulls his hand away, and he looks back down to avoid your gaze as you quietly thank him for cushioning your head.
He nods in acknowledgement, and he dumbly watches as you put your briefcase onto your lap and take out your phone. He resigns himself to looking away to do the same, unlocking his phone to do quite literally anything he can to distract himself.
God, what the fuck even was that?
He didn’t even get to clarify that he didn’t inconvenience anyone by saving you your seat. Would you be upset with him if you’d made that assumption?
Your shoulders are forced to touch, given the fact that there’s definitely way too many people on this bus in the first place, and even with his nerves totally shot, Levi can feel the heat coming off your body. The bus continues to have as many fast brakes and abrupt stops as it did for the last 30-or-so minutes, so he ends up getting pushed closer to you every time that happens. Neither of you try to make distance between the two of you, probably because it wouldn’t be worth the effort when it’s just going to be closed again, but Levi’s mind goes haywire anyway thinking about all the ways this could go wrong.
Levi tries to ignore it, he really does, but he already knows that the red on his ears is going to be just the same, if not worse, than what he has to deal with on other ordinary, boring Fridays.
His eyes are laser-focused on his notification bar, hoping that someone, anyone, will text him and give him something to occupy himself. He mindlessly scrolls through the local news on his phone, waiting for the cherry red on his face to calm to anything but that.
As the minutes pass with nearly no movement in the road, he sees your phone held out to him. His eyes flicker up to your face to see that you’re looking away, only glancing back to look between him and your phone, so he takes the cue that you want him to see what’s on your screen.
He squints to see the small text, but as soon as he sees Hange’s name at the top of your screen, he knows exactly what it is that’s being conveyed here. He screams in his head that Hange’s done enough meddling, that you absolutely do not need to be dealing with their bullshit request of ordering nearly 8-squared eggs, but because you seem to want to start a conversation with him, he stretches out his hand slightly, asking to have permission to hold your phone.
He doesn’t know what demon it is that overtakes his body in this moment—whether it’s Lucifer, Beelzebub, or Satan himself—but when you pass him your phone, he forgoes reading the conversation to leave you your privacy, and he goes to add himself into your contacts. He’s apparently sane enough to not put anything stupid and self-demeaning as the contact name, but he types in his phone number before practically throwing your phone back at you.
The realization that, yes, he’s just given his phone number to the prettiest woman he’s ever laid eyes on, makes his brain short circuit for a second before he gets a text from an unknown number.
Okay, calm down, Levi, he’s only giving you his number out of convenience. He doesn’t want to interrupt the conversations around him by having one of his own, and giving you his phone number is the next-best option. He quickly adds you as “Astraea” and goes back to the conversation, trying to swat away any bubbling thoughts about you.
Astraea - 3:28 PM
hi
His fingers are nervous as they move across the screen.
Levi - 3:28 PM
Hello
I don't think I'd be able to hear you over the people around us
Astraea - 3:28 PM
me neither
His heart relaxes a bit, now with the knowledge that you understand why he gave you his number.
Astraea - 3:29 PM
do you know why there's so many people on the bus today?
it's normally never this crowded
Levi - 3:29 PM
There's a concert across town
Did you want me to come with you to the store?
He watches you fidget around next to him, faintly biting at your lip as you type back a reply.
Astraea - 3:30 PM
you don't have to
Levi - 3:31 PM
I have to go to Hange's too, so might as well
Astraea - 3:31 PM
i wouldn't mind the company then
When the three dots don’t appear after that message, he figures that conversation’s over.
Though he remains unmoving, you position yourself further forward and rest your arms on top of your briefcase. With his shoulders no longer touching yours, he feels his heart rate slow just enough to let him know that he’s not on the verge of a heart attack anymore, and he’s able to relax a bit. His shoulders aren’t as stiff as they were this entire past week, the stress of everything seeming to fade as the number of people on this damned bus lessens with every stop, until, eventually, there’s no more than a handful of passengers left.
Now that the bus has made it out of down, it’s been moving much more quickly on its route. There’s no longer as many people on the bus, so Levi can see the scenery from the window across from him much more clearly. You’re usually sat on the other side, opposite of where you and Levi are currently, so Levi’s never been able to really see what the terrain on that side of the road looks like.
He hasn’t ever cared to really look before, especially when you’re not here, but it’s quite… calming, he decides. Watching as the colors of the breeze blend together as the bus passes by and blurs the shapes, though, he stills as he gets lost in everything.
Just barely within his peripheral, Levi sees the sign which shows they’ve just reached Rose, and he shuffles about to get his things together and get to the store. He still has no idea what to expect from this all, but you follow closely behind, and after you say a quick “thank you” to the driver, the two of you are off to go and… buy some eggs.
How exciting.
“Just the butter and eggs, right?” He asks, looking over at you now that you’re both safely off the bus. You nod, and Levi leads the way to the grocery store. He tries to match your pace, wanting to be considerate of your time, and he can only hope you’re not too uncomfortable with having to go and be Hange’s goons together.
You end up in front of the store relatively quickly, it not being too far from the bus stop at all. Levi goes to get a cart as you wait by the automatic doors, and though you look confused that he’s gotten one if you’re only to get two items, he puts his backpack in it to prompt you to do the same with your briefcase. When you do, he sees you breathe a gentle sigh of relief, and he gives himself a pat on the back for thinking to get a cart so you don’t have to lug that bag around the store.
Levi’s here quite often as the person in the house responsible for getting groceries, so he pushes the cart to guide the two of you through the store to get what Hange needs. Neither of you make any effort to talk, but Levi doesn’t quite feel awkward about it.
When the two of you reach the self-checkout area, you seem to want to fill the silence yourself. “Do you know what Hange has planned for us at their place?” You ask.
Levi glances over at you and shakes his head. "Not really, they just said it'd be us and Erwin. Moblit and Mike are busy."
You nod, and Levi screams to himself once more—this time, to tell himself off for being too awkward to know how to carry a conversation as simple as this. He might as well have just shut his mouth entirely and not said anything, seeing as he didn’t have any semblance of an answer for you.
You hand Levi the eggs and the box of butter, which he scans both of. Levi goes to his pocket to get his wallet, but as he’s taking out his card to pay, he looks over to see you doing the same.
Before he can say anything, you speak up. "Hange asked me to get it, so I'm paying."
He hesitates at that but puts his wallet away. "Fair enough."
Sure, Hange asked him to buy all of this stuff first, but he doesn’t want to cause any sort of scene here. Not that he thinks you’d be fussy about it, but he doesn’t want to be rude and fight over something as trivial as paying for some ingredients.
You tap your card, press a few buttons to verify your payment, and grab your receipt once that's all sorted out. You put the eggs and butter back into the cart before wheeling out with Levi next to you.
"Do you know when the next bus comes?” You ask.
"I park here in the mornings before taking the bus, so you can come with me," he replies. "Let me take the cart."
"How do I know you aren't going to kidnap me?"
He looks over at you, completely deadpan. "And what am I going to do? Force you to draft a prenup for me?"
You giggle at that, your hearty laughter making faint clouds in the cold air. "Yeah, sure."
You let go of the handle, letting him guide it now, and he directs you to his car, parked in front of the floral shop Isabel’s parents own. "Could I take a look inside?" You ask, pointing over to the shop.
Levi reaches into his pocket for his keys, unlocks his car, and opens his trunk to put away the things you’d bought. He puts his backpack in too, and hands you your briefcase before starting to head towards somewhere he can return the cart.
"Sure."
You smile over at him before quickly making your way inside the small shop, and Levi wheels away the now-empty cart to one of the… whatever they’re called, where you return shopping carts, and he returns to his car.
First order of business: make sure it’s as clean as it always is. From his driver’s seat, he leans over to make sure that the glovebox and other areas are all free of clutter, and he quickly puts away an old birthday card he’d received from his uncle in the mail last week.
Fucker didn’t even bother writing anything nice. Just copied the message already printed on the card, word for word.
He looks behind him in the back row seats to see if there’s any miscellaneous items that need to be put away in the trunk, and when he doesn’t find anything, he breathes easy and goes to turn on his engine, wanting to make sure that the car is warm by the time you return from perusing the flower shop.
Levi takes out his phone as the heaters whir to life, and he grimaces when he sees yet another text from Hange.
Four Eyes - 4:13 PM
Soooooo how’s it going ;)
What the fuck is that winky face for?
Levi - 4:14 PM
What do you want?
Four Eyes - 4:14 PM
WOW OKAY
Nvm
Are you guys on the way? Im almost home
Levi - 4:14 PM
We just finished getting your stupid fucking eggs
Four Eyes - 4:15 PM
Cool! Take your time!! Haha
Levi - 4:15 PM
… Okay?
Taking that and the cozy warmth of his car as his cue to go fetch you, he puts his phone back into his pocket and goes over to Magnolia Floral Company. Might as well say hi to Isabel, seeing as she’s probably in today.
There’s that familiar jingle from the bell at the door as he opens it, and he sees you and Isabel talking at the further-away counter. The sound gets both your attention and Isabel’s, and the latter of whom grins when they make eye contact with him.
"Hey, Levi!" Isabel greets, frantically waving her arms at him. He stays at the front of the shop, but nods in her direction. He finds you quickly enough, tilting his head towards the door.
"Ready to leave?" He asks.
You nod, scurrying over to where he is before smiling and waving "goodbye" to the girl at the counter.
"It was nice meeting you! Come again soon!" Isabel shouts after you.
You and Levi wordlessly get into his car, and he waits for you to have yourself situated before getting ready to head out.
"Who was that, if you don't mind me asking?"
He puts his car into drive and puts his arm on the back of your seat, reversing out of the parking space. "Isabel's a childhood friend of mine."
"She's nice. Maybe I'll come back to get something for my intern's birthday next month."
The rest of the ride is in silence, apart from the rustling of paper that Levi can’t really understand, but by the time he reaches Hange’s apartment and he’s able to park and see what was going on, he gets his answer when you hold out 3 paper stars to him.
He sees faint black marks along the paper. Did you make this from the receipt you’d gotten at checkout?
He takes it that you want him to have them, so he takes them, silently reaching over you to put them in his glovebox before getting out of the car with you.
You carry the butter and your briefcase while Levi carries the eggs, and you both bump into Hange at the front of their apartment unit.
"Fancy seeing you here!" They jest.
Levi groans. "Can it, Four Eyes."
Laughing, they thrust their keys into your hand. Well, more like their keys were looped on their pinky finger while they carried a huge box, and they awkwardly shimmied their upper body to bring attention to their keys. "Please! My arms are killing me!" They beg. You laugh at them, "missing" the keyhole to prolong their suffering. You do eventually open the door, and Hange breathes a huge sigh of relief once they're inside and can put the box down next to the door. "Thank you!"
"So, what exactly did you need all these eggs for?" You ask Hange, holding open the door for Levi to come in with his arms full. He nods in thanks, but he doesn’t think you see him.
"Just wait!" They say, taking the butter and eggs from you and Levi to put on their counter. "Erwin is on his way!"
Almost as if on cue, Erwin walks straight in, your arm still keeping the door open. "I heard my name?"
Hange claps their hands together. "Perfect! Now we're all here!"
They motion you all over to the kitchen area, where they start setting up a bunch of miscellaneous ingredients. Flour, salt, baking soda—any general baking item you could think of was now on their counter. Levi doesn’t know all that much about baking in the first place, but Furlan’s forced him to watch his fair share of MasterChef.
"Are you finally going to tell us why the fuck you needed us to buy 60 eggs?" Levi quips.
They shush him, continuing to put random bowls and such out, before standing in a power pose in front of the three of you on the other side of their kitchen counter. "Well, since Astraea's offered to teach me to make random desserts before, I thought I'd return the favor! And I think you've all ordered egg tarts before at some point or another, so I'm gonna teach all of you how to make them!" They declare. "Also, I have a company potluck to attend tomorrow, and I thought it'd be fun for us to make these all together!"
Levi, you, and Erwin all look at one another, then at Hange.
"Do you know how to make an egg tart yourself, Hange?" Erwin asks.
"Nope!"
"Do tell, Four Eyes, how we're supposed to learn from you then?"
"I watched a YouTube video at work on Tuesday! I'm sure I got this figured out!"
✰
Hange very much did not have it figured out.
You, Levi, and Erwin followed along as well as you could with Hange, who very much does not know what they're doing. Earnestly, Levi has no idea why he’s even going along with all this in the first place, but something about Hange continuously trying to prove themselves as a well-experienced baker when they’d only watched a 30-second YouTube short at work is too entertaining to pass up.
That, and the fact that there was something strangely calming about watching you form your own tart shells from the corner of his eye.
After about an hour of intense bickering between Hange and any one of the rest of you three, Levi watched in horror as you gently pushed for Hange to let you teach the steps instead. He was sure that Hange would get on the defensive, as they’ve been very overprotective of their supposed “knowledge” in baking this one simple treat, but they surprisingly don’t put up any fight and happily took a seat next to Erwin.
Again, Levi knows fuck-all about baking, but it seems that you know more than enough to pick up where Hange left off. You helped all three of them (and especially Hange) with whatever they needed, whether it was with the pastry shell or the custard, and the tarts didn’t end up all that bad. You got them into the oven and baked well enough, and even though they’re pretty fucking ugly, they end up being fine to eat.
Of course, Levi forced Erwin and Hange to help him clean the kitchen, save for the small area you needed to keep making tarts to have enough for Hange to actually take with them to their party.
While Levi stayed back in the kitchen, Erwin and Hange talked just barely out of earshot, and you silently kept at your baking. Levi sat at the counter, keeping you silent company and cleaning up anything you asked him to, and even though he’d initially been nervous about having to spend the latter evening with you, it's... calming, to watch as you carefully handle dough and broken eggshells.
By the time that everyone’s social battery’s run out, Hange decides that only then is it time to be loud and brash as they always are.
Erwin insists that he doesn't need any to take egg tarts home, but Hange still shoves a decently large tupperware container into his hands and pushes him out the door before he can refuse the gesture.
"Take some for Furlan and Isabel! I'm out of tupperware, so Astraea can wrap them up for you!" Hange says, now pushing Levi and you out the door, him holding a tray of tarts you and him made and you holding your briefcase.
What’s he meant to do now?
You and Levi both look at each other before you start leading the way towards your apartment, Levi then following behind you. You reach into your pocket to get your keys and unlock your door. You step in and take off your shoes, and Levi does the same, closing the door behind him. You walk over to your general kitchen space, pulling out a chair at the dining table for Levi to sit at while he waits for you to wrap up his tarts.
He looks around your kitchen, seeing all sorts of baking appliances neatly lined up against the wall connecting to your countertops. He doesn’t see a tea area, but he assumes that you might just keep that in a cabinet somewhere out of sight.
"Sorry I was a bit quiet earlier," you say abruptly, reaching for something in one of your drawers. "It was probably awkward."
He hums. "It's okay. Figured you had a rough week." Though, you’re hardly to blame for the awkwardness in the first place. He’d be quicker to put that fault on himself.
"What made you think that?" You start digging through another drawer to find something else.
"Erwin complained about some management issue at your firm on Monday during lunch."
You bitterly smile and shake your head, and Levi watches as you move the tray of tarts to where your wrapping things are. Your hands work fast at getting them neatly packaged up, and you place the lot lot into a plastic bag, afterwards going over to Levi to give them to him.
He stares into the bag, and he sees way too many. Did you give him the ones you made?
Looking between you and the tarts, he hesitates. "Aren't these the ones you made too?"
You bring your hand up to nervously rub the back of your neck, looking away from him. "If they're for your friends, might as well gift them the nice ones too," you start. Seemingly embarrassed at your statement, you add on. "Not that yours weren't nice!"
Levi feels a tug at the side of his lips, and he lets out a small breath that’s close enough to a laugh.
“Thank you.”
Just like on Monday, the two of you don't bother saying "goodbye" to each other, only exchanging nods as you open the door for him to go. Before he's completely out the door, though, he feels a tap on his shoulder.
He looks over his shoulder to see you, your face turned away with a seemingly nervous half-smile. “Yeah?”
"Thanks for saving me a seat today. On the bus, I mean. I probably would've lost it if I had to stand."
And, all at once, he’s woken up again. His hands feel brazenly warm, his eyes search for something to catch hold onto, and his heart’s caught in his throat.
It really isn’t that serious. He didn’t even really save a seat for you—he was planning to just give you his own—and he already feels bad for leading on that he’s much more just than he really is.
So why’s he so flustered right now?
The answer is that he isn’t. It’s not like it’s anything new for him to want to disappear into the floor because of you, nor does he think this will be the last time.
This is normal. This means nothing. You’re just being nice.
So he’s going to excuse himself before he makes an even bigger fool of himself.
He clears his throat before replying. "Don't worry about it."
After a good night's rest after a stressful week at work, you stretch yourself upwards and yawn loudly, waking up and fishing for your phone from between the sheets. It's annoying that there's so much sunlight bleeding into your room, but you suppose that's just your punishment for sleeping until the late afternoon.
After rolling onto your stomach and unlocking your phone, you see a couple of texts. Not completely out of the ordinary, but you should answer them now before you forget.
Hange - 9:14 AM
Hey!! Good morninggg
THANK YOU for coming over yesterday! These tarts are soooo good I think i'm just gonna buy cupcakes for the party bc i am NAWT giving these to my coworkers
Slide me the recipe? ;P
You roll your eyes with a smile before getting yourself up out of bed and over to your bathroom to brush your teeth, typing a response with one hand while you brush with the other.
You - 1:12 PM
you know you're not ever going to make these on your own
just come over when you want anything, you know i'll make it for you
You set your phone down on the sink counter as you finish brushing your teeth and flossing, watching your screen to see if Hange'll reply anytime soon, and they do as soon as you're finished with your bathroom business.
Hange - 1:17 PM
Youre the best ily!
Omg but speaking of love...
Did anything happen w you and levi yesterday o.O
You groan, picking up your phone and taking it with you to the kitchen to get some tea started for your "morning."
You - 1:19 PM
hange you know i'm not interested in ANYONE
stop trying to set me up
Hange - 1:20 PM
Yeah yeah you say that now...
You sigh, putting down your phone on the counter and going to fill your kettle. You hear a few other beeps from your phone while you set up your teapot and get your kettle plugged into the outlet, but when you return to your phone, you ignore Hange for a second to reply to whoever else has texted you between now and last night. There's some miscellaneous texts from coworkers asking if you're free to hang out, but nothing really stands out.
That is, until you see a couple of texts from Levi.
That's... something.
You click to open the message as you go to grab the small basket of teas you keep in your kitchen cabinet. You read the message as you bring down the basket and set it down on the counter.
Levi - 10:53 AM
My roommates liked the sweets
Thank you again, I appreciate it
It feels as if a small match has just been struck inside your chest, and you put your phone face-down on the counter and groan into your hands.
God, you probably couldn't have come off any more of an idiot yesterday, what with your aversion to looking at Levi in the eyes and just being so painfully awkward, and he's still nice enough to thank you again for some sweets you wrapped up for him?
It really isn't this serious. There's no reason for you to feel so embarrassed that he's texted you to say thank you. There's no reason for you to want to throw your phone down the sink and press the disposal button. There's no reason for your ears to turn hot cherry red at your grown age.
Why're you even so flustered right now?
The answer is that you aren't. It’s not like it’s anything new for you to want to hide behind your hands because of Levi, nor do you think this will be the last time.
This is normal. This means nothing. He's just being nice.
Unsure of what to say in response, you painstakingly look through your teas to find what blend you want to drink today. You settle on some random flowery citrus blend that's been collecting dust, and you put away the rest of your blends before going back to your kettle and teapot and getting everything situated.
Even after you've got your tea in hand and are sat in at your dining table, distantly thinking about what you should make for dinner today, you don't know what to text back, or if to at all.
So you're going to excuse yourself before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.
You clear your throat before you pick up your phone, type a response back to him, and leave it at the table, taking your tea with you to your room to find something else to distract you.
✰
You - 1:43 PM [to Levi]
don't worry about it
✰
Next Chapter - coming soon!
#levi ackerman x reader#levi x reader#tao.levi#levi aot#levi ackerman#fanfiction#navigation#the affections of an architect
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champagne problems
Note: Find the previous drabble in this series here. Enjoy!🤍
Warnings: angst, arranged marriages and breakups
Words: aprox 1k
I never meant for it to happen like that. He was a sweet boy that made his presence known after Narcissa graduated Hogwarts and he was the shoulder I could cry on. Who could’ve known things will go the way that they did? With him rushing in the snow storm in the dark and with me rushing toward the only person I swore not to go to.
He invited me to spend the winter holidays at his home. It was our last school year and he said he wanted to make the best he could of our time left so of course I agreed. Merlin knew I needed an escape from the past few months. Our parents were content with our plan and so I went there.
We were dating by then for a while. Kissing and touching and late night talking and anything we could squeeze between classes and studying for N.E.W.Ts. But anytime his lips touched mine I kept thinking what Narcissa’s would feel and taste like. And anytime he reached for my hand I remembered her touch and how she helped me learn to dance for my first Yule Ball so I would not stumble over my date. And anytime he talked to me about something different than our studies it was still her I kept thinking about. What was she doing? Was she happy? Was she thinking of me like I was thinking of her?
He gave me the comfort she couldn’t have given me then. He was calming my nerves where all she could do was cause a fog that clouded my judgment. It was easy with him. Until he got on one knee when the clock struck 12 on New Year’s Eve and I panicked.
If I would have seen the events unfold inside a pensieve, the stillness of the witnesses would have been justified by a tempered memory. It was real though and they kept waiting for an answer.
At that moment I thought that that’s why my parents agreed so easily, it was all planned. He had the decency to wait until the perfect moment to come in my life and when she left and I was in dire need of support he took advantage. I understand now that it wasn’t his fault, he was a puppet for his parents too.
I didn’t know what was more disgusting to me then, the fact that it was an arranged marriage presented as a one of choice or the fact that most likely this was the scene Narcissa faced after graduation?
A singular word was voiced mechanically. “No.” Horrified looks from our parents and their guests directed over me.
“You don’t have to answer me now, you could think…”
“No. I’m sorry but I can’t marry you. I can’t marry.”
He got up then and summoned the house elf to bring his cloak. His mother went to beg him to stay, his father shouted vile words at me while mine made haste to get us out of there before the situation got more worse.
My lack of reaction at all that ruckus was cataloged as a ‘too much champagne’ case when in fact that was the moment everything was clear for me. I couldn’t marry a man because I already loved a woman and if that woman returned her affections or not, it didn’t matter because I got my answer.
Fingers were pointed in my direction, whispers at every corner. Gossip in the hallways we used to walk through, nonsense about how either I’m too pretentious and unreasonable or about how he is not even half the man he thinks he is and how he can’t even woo a girl into accepting a marriage proposal.
He got through all these as did I. He married eventually, unlike me, and actually invited me to the wedding, joking together at our stupid young selves. He had children. All in all he went and lived a seemingly happy life.
That night, when he rushed into the snow storm to calm his raging angry tears, I wrote a note to her.
I won’t ever be able to do it if it isn’t with you, it read. I never sent it. She doesn’t even know of its existence but I’ve kept it between some old school parchment all these years. That night I opened my mind and became a prey of her existence.
We met sometime in the spring at Madam Malkin’s. I was there for some new robes and she for her bridal trousseau. Our mothers quickly became entranced in their talking and she whispered to me “What a shame you’re fucked in the head.”
“Happy to see you too,” I responded, rolling my eyes. Did she really forget about me already?
“That’s what they say about you.” Her eyes scanned mine, the same wildness in them that attracted me to her in the first place.
“They’re really not joking, aren’t they?”
“It looks like they’re not.” She controlled her laughter like everything she did in public and I couldn’t help myself but to do the same. I knew that if we were alone we would have been left with our abdomen burning from exertion and our cheeks stained with happy tears and it was all the confirmation I needed from her, even if she didn’t actually confirm anything.
“I want you to come to the wedding. It’ll be this summer.” With two sentences she managed to cloud the fragile appearance of happiness that was left for me.
“You’re mad.”
“I’m not. I envy you actually. And if I have to say ‘yes’ I want to do it with you in the same room, somewhere I could glance at you.”
“But Lucius…”
“Lucius already invited his puppy. He’s as miserable as me with this arrangement but we have to get through with it.”
“Does Lucius know about your puppy?”
“Oh, now, be serious...”
“Stop trying. I’ll be there for you. But I’ll be leaving after the ceremony.”
I never saw her until she walked down the aisle and I realized the terrible mistake I made by letting her again in my mind and heart.
Next chapter here
#narcissa malfoy#narcissa black#narcissa malfoy x reader#narcissa black x reader#narcissa malfoy angst#narcissa black angst
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Wedlock (Part 1)
Jack Nelson x female reader
Summary: When your father’s business begins to suffer he makes an agreement to marry you to Jack Nelson in a bid to combine wealth and power.
Author’s Note: This was requested by a lovely anon who asked for Jack in an arranged marriage AU.
Warnings: arranged marriage
You were seated in your father’s office late one winter afternoon. The fire crackled pleasantly, but the room held no warmth. The chill radiating from your father’s harsh gaze was inescapable as he delivered the news you’d been anxious to hear. “Y/n, you’re nearly 25 now and your mother and I agree it’s time for you to marry. However, we can’t give our blessing to Edward. He’s a fine man, but his prospects for the future aren’t good. You should know that I spoke with him this morning and turned down his proposal of marriage.”
You turned your face away from him so he wouldn’t see the tears gathering in the corners of your eyes. You feared your father wouldn’t discuss it with you further if he felt you were becoming emotional. There were so many questions swirling in your head.
You couldn’t help but think of the kind, gentle man who had wanted to make you his wife. He didn’t have land or a title, but he was a hard worker who was just starting at a small firm as a solicitor and he promised to give you a good life even if it was in a home much smaller than your parent’s estate.
You knew this wasn’t what your parents had envisioned for you though. They wanted you to retain your position in society and live in the manner to which you’d become accustomed. Of course, they’d never asked if you cared for any of this.
“I don’t understand, father. You saw how joyful we were at the Christmas ball. Don’t you want me to be happy?,” you asked quietly trying not to twist your hands too tightly waiting for his reply.
“Feet don’t waltz when the roof caves in, my dear. Happiness isn’t everything and you need security someone older and more established can provide,” he said in a pained voice.
“What do you mean?” you asked feeling he was building to something more.
“I’ve had another gentleman approach me for your hand and I’ve accepted on your behalf,” he said, before setting his jaw firmly.
Your head was spinning from the news that Edward’s proposal had been rejected only to learn you’d been promised to someone else. “Who is it?” you asked, heart hammering in your chest at the thought of marrying a total stranger.
“You know him. It’s my business associate, Jack Nelson,” he said, thoughtfully stroking his beard to gauge your reaction.
“Why him?” you asked forcefully. It was uncharacteristic of you to question a decision of your father’s, but he was asking you to give yourself in marriage to a man connected to the Irish mob. That seemed risky for a cautious man like your father and you needed to know his motives.
“Why not him? He’s a good businessman and he’ll be an excellent provider,” your father explained firmly. His voice was tired as though he’d already explained this to you in great detail, although this was the first you’d heard of it.
“This is to do with business not me. Let’s not pretend, father,” you said squaring your shoulders. “Is the family in trouble?” you asked, prodding for the truth. If you searched the creases of your father’s wrinkles, you could tell he was carrying more worry than usual. It wasn’t a leap to consider this marriage had to do with an arrangement to help his finances.
Your father bowed his head at his desk, knowing he couldn't conceal the truth from you any longer. He inhaled deeply, as he shuffled through some papers on his desk. “I’ve kept it from your mother as long as I could,” he said extending a folder of paperwork to you. As you flicked through the documents, the lump in your throat grew. It was worse than you could have imagined.
“Jack Nelson has a fortune and he’s offering it to us in exchange for our name and position. With an influential wife, he can become even more successful. Please consider it. You might not have another offer like this, my darling.” You knew it pained him to make this kind of transaction with his daughter as collateral, but it seemed to be the only way to save the family. You stood on shaky legs as you handed the papers back to your father.
"I've never asked you for anything, y/n," your father said suddenly looking very small.
"I didn't know you were asking now. I thought it was expected," you bit back, feeling angry at the position you were being placed in. "I'll do it for mother and for my sisters, but I won't ever forgive you," you said rushing from his study before your emotions consumed you.
Continue reading Part 2
----------------------------
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#Peaky Blinders fanfic#Peaky Blinders imagine#Jack Nelson fanfic#Jack Nelson imagine#Jack Nelson x reader#Jack Nelson x y/n#Jack Nelson x you
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