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ghostieyanyan · 1 year

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I have fun headcanons for a shy, kind MC who secretly hides the fact that they’re a musician and they write their own songs. Maybe they were in a rock band in their original world. Maybe the MC wrote a live song for the Yandere of your choice and they overheard them singing it alone. I was thinking maybe Malleus or Idia personally but it’s up to you

im gonna talk about both so yes!

~Musical!mc~

Yan!Idia x mc

Yan!Malleus x mc

Warning: slight hints of NSFW, yandere, stalking, mention of death

~~~~~

Idia

he'll totally find out with his hidden cameras.

He would be playing a game and hears music, but not from his game? takes off his headphones and looks for what's playing music? Like we haven't done that before.. pff- He finds that he accidentally left one of the camera sound on but he's not disappointed with what he finds.

there you are, singing your heart out, with notebook and instrument in hand. you looked heavenly. he felt like you were a siren that was calling for him.

he immediately snaps out of it and searches something up... you kinda look like an idol from an anime he’s been obsessed with recently. i mean, you might have to clean up a bit and he very likely has all the things you need for your idol look. plus if he doesn't have it, it'll just buy it or make it for you. Its perfect!

you're perfect..

he just needs to have you, preserve you. kinda like one of his figures in his room.

but before he comes up with a plan, he wants to hear you sing more. he'll likely record your songs, your voice, hey, even your mistakes. he loves them so much.

bet, he has it as his ring tone for just him to hear.

depending on when this discovery happens, before or during chapter 6 is when he takes mc.

if its before, he'll probably wait and get as much information on you as he can. plus more recordings of your voice, you likely be scared when he has you in his hands. like a scared little bird, who's wings are getting clipped.. another reason to wait, your friends will notice when you are gone. overblot after overblot. you poor baby, that's why he has to preserve you, its dangerous out there. so many nasty person with there gross thoughts and slimy hands. you're one to talk...

if its during, then ya, he'll grab you. of course keep you away from these monsters but close to him. he'll likely keep you in a room alone for a bit to take care of those other students but whenever he has free time, hell stop by and visit. he'll show you all the recordings of your music and gives you your notebook and instrument because he doesn't want his personal idol to be so lonesome. sing your heart out like you do when you "think" you're alone. its the same here as it is when you're out there. you singing and him... listening.

it'll probably take a while for you to get use to him so he wont push you to wear the idol outfit but be warn when or if you do, he's not going to let you go. You might not be able to use your legs for a while.

~~~~~

Malleus

He'd very likely hear it at night on his strolls.

It'll be the dead of night, he'll be looking at the stars and moon shining brightly. then, with his fae ears, he hears a meloty. he told at first it were the other smaller fae in the woods by the Ramshackle dorm. but it was so enchanting that he couldn't help but walk to it. he felt like the sleeping princess to the spindle.

when he finally identify the voice, he was surprised to find the NRC's perfect.

they were looking at the stars with him and he just felt his heart strings pull but he didn't understand this feeling. whenever he’s confused and needed guidance, he'd turn to Lillia.

Lillia explained to him that maybe this small little human has enchanted him with a spell and he HAS to confront them to find out. Cause he'll totally play match maker. So he did.

the next day, he confronts you about it. he starts with telling you that you're voice is enchanting and you've put him under a spell that he cant undo. he asked what type of magic in your world that's so powerful that he cant understand.

You’d likely laugh on how silly it was, you and a magic spell?

you explain to him that you didn't put a spell on him and that you were just working on your song since you weren't tired that night and you had time for yourself, which for the perfect its very rare to have some quiet time.

he understand, kinda but not really, and requested to hear more.

I'm going off that mc is stage fright shy so they polite say no. which didn't feel right to malleus. i feel like he’s a little spoiled and stubborn so say no to him of all people is weird. but that's okay, its not like you need to know he’s there listening anyway.

he’d likely find out when you practice your songs and makes a schedule. and when you don't follow that schedule, lets just say.. you didn't know it’ll be storming today??

this is also all before he finds out you’ll likely be leaving soon. no.. you cant leave. his song bird CANT leave. if such a thing happens well then, all of twisted wonderland will have to burn. and you don't want that right?

he’ll have you in a big cage, with a small window for light. the cage will be held high up and below you is bushes of bushes of thorns. they look very unpleased. but don't worry, even with the tiny window for light you’ll be surrounded with your favorite flowers and the comfiest bed you've ever seen. anything you need or want will be brought to you say long as you do one small thing for malleus.

sing.

and if you don't want to? he’ll give you a reason why you cant use your voice...

~~~~~

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wonuwrites · 9 days

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OT13 Seventeen’s Reaction to you being a Swiftie during “The Tortured Poets Department” release date.

A/N: It’s been an emotional 24ish hours because Taylor Swift gave us 31 fucking new songs and they all hurt so good. Expect some angsty things from me based off some of these songs soon LOL. Side note, this wont be perfect because it’s 1:30 am and I’m feeling feelings. I hope y’all enjoy regardless.

Warning: minor angst, major fluff, mentions some alcohol stuff, The Tortured Poets Department is an emotional roller coaster and has some heavy topics. Listen at own risk but also hear the tea LMAO

P.S dedicating this to @lavnderwonu bc yup. #wow

✫ S Coups

Seungcheol walked through the door at 2 am and saw you sitting at the kitchen table with a worn out look on your face. He noticed in front of you, ice cream that had been half melted waiting for you to take another bite. He knew that you were waiting up for Taylor Swifts new album and from what he had heard from you, this potentially would be the saddest album to date. Yes, even more sad than Red. He stood there for a while unsure what to say which made you look up at him.

“Babe… she released a double album. We’ve been clowning a double since 1989 era back in 2014 and she finally did it.”

He raised an eyebrow at this and sat next to you, “well thats good right? Your clowning was finally successful?”

You scoffed before rubbing your mouth and looking him in the eyes, “I mean yeah, but like. It’s so fucking sad. I can’t believe he did this to her.”

Seungcheol just softly smiled while taking the spoon from your hand so he could scoop himself some ice cream as well. He didn’t know much about Taylor lore but he did think she was a talented artist. “Well I got a few hours, show me the album.”

✫ Jeonghan

Jeonghan found your love for Taylor to be precious. So when he found out in February she was releasing a new album he asked if there was anything he could do to help prepare you for the album release.

That’s when you decided to do a Swiftie 101 with Jeonghan and told him all the lore behind whats been going on since the Reputation Era to now. At first he was skeptical at having to need to know that much background information but he learned to love watching you talk about something you cared about so passionately.

When it was time for the album to be released, he was ready. He wrote down questions he had while you both listened to the album because he didn’t want to interrupt your experience of listening to the song for the first time. He held your hand when “So Long London” came on and coo’d when you cried during “loml” while wiping a tear from your eye. He made a mental note to thank Taylor Swift if he ever met her for being able to give his partner and him a bonding experience.

✫Joshua

Hell, Joshua was with you on the couch and clowning with you while watching the Grammys. You were positive Reputation (Taylor’s Version) was going to be announced at the Grammys and tbh Joshua believed your assumptions were right as always.

When Taylor announced her new album instead of Reputation TV, both of your mouths dropped. It was a new era. You both then decided to start planning on spending time with each other that night. He knew he was pushing it just a bit because Seventeens album was coming out the next week but he also knew he wanted to be there for you in case it was emotional. Which, was pretty much a given it was going to be because it was called “The Tortured Poets Department.”

When the day finally came, you both made friendship bracelets and ate some snacks while enjoying the mastery of her pen. You both found the album to be extremely well done.

✫Jun

Jun was not sure what to expect when you had become a bit distant the last few weeks. You were talking to him less and less and it honestly was causing him some concerns. Did he do something wrong? Were you dying? Were you okay?

He decided to do what anyone would do and come over unannounced with flowers and your favorite Take Out. He was not expecting to see you sobbing on the couch with smeared eyeliner and mascara as you were reading the lyrics to a new song off of Taylor’s new album called “The Prophecy.”

You didn’t notice Jun standing there awkward as your heart broke into a million pieces as you thought about how you were before you met Jun. You were so blessed to have him in your life but you just felt sick that Blondie was feeling that way. Once the song ended you finally saw Jun and started crying harder and that’s when it hit him.

Album release day.

Similar thing had happened after Midnights dropped and you heard “You’re On Your Own Kid.” He then brought over your food and listened while you babbled to him about “The Prophecy” and why it was the saddest song you had ever heard.

✫Hoshi

“Hey Soonyoung I have a question for you,” you asked him while spinning Ramen around in your bowl. This made your boyfriend look up worried. One because you called him his real name and not “baby” and two, he never could tell what type of question you would ask.

He cleared his throat while giving you a concerned look which made you giggle. That giggle made his fears increase but he decided to humor you. Maybe you were finally going to ask him something simple like: “would you still love me if I was a worm?”

However, he just wasn’t that lucky.

“So Taylor Swift’s album “The Tortured Poets Department” is coming out soon and I was wondering if you could break up with me before it so I can feel it.”

Soonyoung was absolutely flabbergasted and shook his head no quickly. This made you while and pathetically try to beg but Soonyoung stood his ground and crossed his arms.

“Baby, you’re going to have to use imagination for that because I can’t ever break up with you. Just thinking of doing that hurts me.”

“I know baby, but hear me out, this album is rumored to be about her breakup of 6 years. I wanna cry with her.” Soonyoung shook his head no again with his lips pursed. He knew you loved Taylor but he loved you so much more. He’d do anything for you but not that. Even if it was temporary or fake.

✫ Wonwoo

Similarly to Jeonghan, Wonwoo got the Swiftie 101 class except yours happened while y’all were snuggling before bed randomly one evening.

Therefore, he knew the drill and knew how to be a supportive Swiftie boyfriend. Did he have your favorite wine? Check. Did he have tissues? Check. Did he have a shoulder to cry on if you needed it? You’re in luck, he has two!

He poured you both a glass of wine as you pressed play on Fortnight (which he was looking forward to because Post Malone is the man.) After a few songs you had already downed your wine and he quickly refilled it making you blush and thank him quietly. You both then listened to the remainder of the album and he’d give the famous wonu smile whenever you were guessing who the songs were about. Heck, after a while, even he joined in on the guessing game.

✫Woozi

Unknown to you, Jihoon had pre-saved TTPD and listened to it in his studio within a minute of it coming out. While he didn’t know about the lore or any behind the scenes things about Taylor Swift he focused on the lyrics and production of the songs and was impressed. He made little notes to talk to you about them when he got home.

Once he got home at about 3:30 am, he noticed you were sitting with your legs against your chest still listening to the album. He smiled at you and sat beside you. You leaned against him sighing as he wrapped his arms around you to cuddle. He knew you felt sad because of the album and honestly it was sad so he didn’t blame you one bit.

“So she released an additional 15 songs,” you said after awhile which made Jihoon raise an eyebrow. He only listened to the first 16 songs and suddenly he didn’t feel as prepared.

“15???”

“15!”

“Damn… well iI got notes on the first 16 songs if you wanna talk about those.”

This made you sit up with a smile which made Jihoon smile as well before leaning in to kiss you. “Deal.”

✫ DK

Like Jun, Seokmin had witnessed Midnights album release with you along with the Taylor’s Versions of both Speak Now and 1989. He thought he was mentally prepared for this Album but he was so wrong.

Y’all had just finished “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” and when “Down Bad” started he officially felt his heart break.

It was as if Seokmin and your tear ducts were synced as tears fell down both of your faces. At that moment, Seokmin made an oath to you he would never put you in a situation that Taylor unfortunately had to endure.

Once you finally got through all 16 songs and both were ready to fall asleep, Taylor announced and additional 15. Seokmin just looked at the announcement in disbelief before sitting up and saying “okay baby, lets cry some more.”

✫ Mingyu

To be honest, Mingyu loved doing the scavenger hunts that Taylor and Taylor Nation had the swifties do. He found it so interesting the little clues and everything they had that he was a bit jealous they didn’t have something like that with Seventeen. It was a brilliant idea and a great way to bring some excitement to the table for a new album.

Watching you bite your lip as you looked through older songs of hers on Apple Music to find the clues was so attractive to him and he’d look into your eyes as you shared theories on what Tortured Poets would be about.

He just found you so precious and loved these little moments together with you and was happy to be there.

✫ Minghao

Minghao promised to listen to the new album with you but he couldn’t help but feel upset at what was being talked about.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think it was good. He was just so disappointed in whoever Taylor was singing about because of the infidelity, lying, and just treating her like garbage. His heart then hurt when you innocently told him the lyrics were relatable.

Minghao knew you had a rough relationship prior to yours and it made him sad that he wasn’t able to be there sooner so he could help you overcome the hurt. He tried his best to hide the rage and hurt he felt empathetically to you in hopes not to ruin the album for you. However, you knew. You knew how he felt and while you never would tell him, you fell more in love with him at that moment. How beautiful it was to finally have someone who you know could never hurt you like that again.

✫ Seungkwan

Similarly to Joshua and Wonwoo, Seungkwan stayed up to listen to the album with you. It was a tradition you both did for your favorite artists. You had done it a month prior with Beyonce’s “Cowboy Carter” and now it was time to stop yeehawing and time to cry.

Even though you were more of the Swiftie between you two, even he couldn’t help but feel emotional while listening to the album. When you both first listened to “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart” you both had to pause before going to the next song.

You paused because you felt horrible for Taylor meanwhile, he paused because he could relate to the lyrics so much. Seungkwan couldn’t help but think of his hiatus last year and how he felt after coming back. When he started to cry you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around him and cry with him.

✫ Vernon

Hansol walked into your shared apartment and saw you lying on the floor disassociated and couldn’t help but find you adorable. He had given you a day to listen to the album per your request and from the looks of it, it fucked you up.

He decided to lay next to you in support while holding your hand which made you instantly squeeze his hand three times. “Guessing the album was good?”

“No, it was great. Just so sad.”

He hummed and pulled you closer to him and petted your hair. You took it as an invitation to tell him all about the album. You couldn’t see his face but he had a sad smile on his face. He felt bittersweet. Bitter because he knew you were hurting but sweet because he found it enduring that you trusted him this much to be vulnerable with him.

✫ Dino

You decided that you would listen to the album by yourself the first time around. Chan was respectful about it and waited patiently to hear the outcome.

After you listened to it all you made your way to Chan and curled up in a ball next to him. He instinctively wrapped an arm around you and pressed a kiss to your temple. “So what did you think?”

“There were two songs that made me think of you.”

This made him worried because from what you told him this album was rumored to be about the end of Taylor’s 6 year relationship and he thought that y’all were golden. Y’all hadn’t been fighting and everything was okay.

The look on his face made you laugh before pressing a kiss on his lips, “listen to them before you worry.”

You then put on The Alchemy and So High School for him and his heart felt like it exploded with happiness and relief. He kissed you before cheekily asking, “So… I’m your Travis Kelce?” You nodded with a smile, “and I’m your Taylor Swift.”

He laughed before giving you another kiss, “then I’ll make sure you constantly stay bejeweled.”

A/N: this was so corny but im kicking my feet. Check on your Swiftie friends. We are not okay 🥺

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neonovember · 24 days

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Request: Sam Wilson x younger, platonic! reader

Plot: Reader relaxing around Sam’s place in Louisiana-Bucky can be in it, reader’s relationship with him would be platonic or familial.

Louisiana Sun

steve, sam, bucky x platonic!daughter!reader, generous nods (i practically wrote a whole confession) to sarahbucky

things; dad!steve rogers moments, over protective steve, reader makes some risky decisions, bucky and same are basically your uncles, bucky is in love with sarah and louisiana by extension,

w/c; 4k (reader had to do a lot of convincing to let steve believe she wont get kidnapped in the presence of two soldiers)

You’ve never felt love like you did in Louisiana.

The sun baked grass, the humid winds kissing your shoulder. The vibrancy of colour and life that explodes on the streets, and in the caring waves of neighbours.

You taste home whenever Steve drives you up to Sam’s rickety gate, slamming the car door open to his objection and running through the winding bend of grass and willow trees. You can't wait for Steve to pull into Sam’s drive way, the bleached wooden porch calls to you in a way you can’t ignore.

So you find it exceptionally painful whenever Steve is swarmed with so much work he can’t make the drive up. And there was no way Steve would even let you take a plane ride by yourself, he says it’s cause he’d be too afraid but you think it’s because you help with the dishes.

It’s Friday evening at the Rogers, a night of pizza and Noir crime films you both adore. It’s spring break, and you've spent every waking hour with Steve cooped up at home. You don't mind it, it has made up for a lot of the father daughter time missed between missions. But god you can’t come back to school and say you spend the holidays with Captain America again.

“So..Sam called” You murmur, fainting nonchalance whilst you watch his every expression out of the corner of your eye. Gene Tirney’s whiskey voice blares from the TV screen in front of you.

“Uhm?” Steve replies with his mouth full.

“Yeah, he was wondering when I’d come down again to see ‘em. Bucky’s spending some time there too, helping out with the boat and Sarah” You reply, stretching your arms out in front of you.

“And what did you say” Steve replies after wiping away the smudges of sauce from his chin, eyes widening

“I said I’ll have to check with Corporal Rogers first” You tease

“Hey, I’m not anywhere near..”

“Dad we haven’t left this house in weeks, I’m not going to go another week locked in here” You reply

“I let you go places..remember Monday?”

“When you asked me to buy your cream of mushroom from the Bodega?!” You shriek, eyes boggling.

“Yes..?” Steve replies unsure, eyebrows furrowing

“That was a chore. For your own benefit by the way, I mean who in their right mind likes cream of mushroom?” You reply

“Ay, I’m not going to let you disrespect my taste in food for the second time today” Steve replies

“Oh please, I barely said anything about your choice of onions as a pizza topping-

“My pizza topping?? I was reconsidering dinner when you wanted pineapples. Fruit should not belong on pizza, there are rules. When I was your age we had-”

“To boil everything or else we’d get tetanus and die” You moan, rolling your eyes

“No..when I was your age I don't think pineapples even made it to New York yet” Steve murmurs, hand on his chin as if to truly consider it.

“Are you sure you're my father?” You reply, and are met with a soft cushion flying towards you.

“Work’s just been a lot lately kid. And I miss you too darn much to let you leave my sight. You know how I am, I see kids go missin’ everyday. Don’t know what I’d do if that happened to you cause I was reckless”

“You aren't getting sick of my face?”

“Never”

“You’re not being reckless Dad, I’m going to be with Sam for gods sake, and Bucky too! In Louisiana of all places! They probably mug you with bugnes as pistols” You giggle

“Don’t joke about that"

“Oh come on! You both were on a team for like eighty years, you don't trust them?”

“Of course I trust them, they’re your designated ‘if i get in a freak accident they take over’ people.

“Hey! Don’t joke about that” You quip

“I just like knowing you're near” Steve replies after chuckling

“I could just stay for a weekend! I’ll be back before you know it. Swear” You plead.

“You say that now..” Steve cocks his eyebrows, part of him knew you'd stay six months there if you could

You put on your best heartbroken pouted face whilst Steve goes through the motions of being finally convinced. His eyebrows furrow, his hand coming up to scratch at his golden locs as he considers it.

His shoulders slump, and before he can even say a gruntled “Fine..” You’re cheering, getting up to twirl around the lamp lit living room. Steve chuckles at your antics, eyes glinting with light at the sight of you jumping in happiness.

He knew he’d say yes in the end. You're his little girl, he can’t ever say no to you.

“Whilst you're up, switch out Laura for somethin’ else. We still got a checklist to get through”

“Isn’t it getting close to your bed time, senior citizen?” You giggle, reaching for the box of recorded movie tapes under the bookshelf dresser.

“Age ain't going to stop me from showing you what good cinema is” Steve barks, reaching for his glass of water gingerly.

You’re half through the Maltese Falcon, Sam Spade flickering his cigarette in flashes of black and white when Steve's phone rings.

He groans loudly, lying on his back with his legs stretched and laying on the coffee table with the bitten edges of pizza crust left over. The couch buzzes beneath your weight, somewhere deep within the crevices near spare change and ink pens it vibrates.

“You gonna get that old man?” You turn to Steve, mouth filled with cheesy saucy bread

“Easy now Rogers, and finish your mouthful”

You roll your eyes as Steve searches under the blanket stretched across you both, a sound of triumph leaves his throat when he grasps the metallic slick edges.

“Rogers” Steve grunts into the phone

“Ah Fury…Mhmm..didn’t they have Clint on that?..Right..”

You raise your eyebrows at the conversation between Steve and Fury, Steve pinches the bridge of his nose as he plops his head back against the head of the couch.

“For three weeks? Fury, you know I got Y/N to take care of. It’s why I transferred out of the field, it isn’t ‘cause I like reading” Steve murmurs, eyes cutting to you

Your eyebrows widen at that, mouthing to ‘pass the phone’ to Steve who shakes his head at you. Growing impatient, and longing to see Sam, Bucky and Sarah you make a mental note to blame them for the scolding of a century as you reach and swipe the phone from Steve's lazy grip.

“Yeah, I don’t know Fury- HEY”

“This is Steve Rogers manager speaking, yes he can and will be there for the mission”

“Y/N” Fury replies, his voice lit with a hint of humour at your antics.

You wrestle to escape Steve's reflexes, luckily you're a teenage girl who wants something so you're obviously faster. You throw the same pillow Steve had thrown at you before in his face, running behind the couch with the phone tucked between your ear and shoulder, poking your tongue out at Steve.

“Hey Fury! How’s the wife and kids” You remark

“Who told you about my wife and kids”

“Oh Fury, think those confidential documents are safe from a certain Spider?”

“Goddamit Parker..” Fury mutters

You doge a flying pillow headed your way, Steve’s face growing red with frustration at you missing every hit. Super soldier my ass.

“Where’ll Steve be stationed?”

“Prague-wait, aren’t you twelve? I hate to say it but the soldiers right, you can’t just be left alone-”

“One word Fury. Louisiana, Beignets and a bird”

“That’s three words”

“Yeah well I ain't twelve but I didn’t correct you on that did I?”

“I’m an old man, Y/N” Fury replies gruffly

“I’m pretty sure you were in the hospital hallway at my birth..” You murmured

“How did you-?!” Fury replies

You're too busy skipping zig zag across the living room to escape the pieces of pizza, cushions and cd covers flying your way to hear him. You heard it once that it helps dodge bullets, and with the horsepower behind your own fathers arm, you think it matches.

“Makes sense anyways, there isn't a Wilson and Barnes without a Rogers nearby. You guys are like goddamn pack members” Fury replies “Let Steve know to be packed and ready by Sunday”

“Bye Fury” You giggle, swiping the red button before throwing the phone immediately at Steve who lunges for it.

Running to hide behind the first thing you see, you peek out from the forked leaves of a potted plant to see a very angry and very dishevelled Steve.

“Is now a good time to say I got a 90 on my science quiz?” You reply with a gulp

You’re smart enough not to run out the car seat the second Sam’s house comes into view, despite the itchiness festering in your bones driving though Louisiana and not being able to finally set your feet down onto it.

Steve called Sam the next morning, and you had already packed a suitcase of clothes and necessities a few days prior. You always felt healed after every road trip, and tuning out blues and Leon Bridges whilst driving through the country felt like a respite in itself.

As Steve pulls into the dirt drive way, you see Sam perches on the deck waving towards you both. You squeeze your hands into fists until he switches the ignition off, and then you are too. The car door springs open and you're rushing into Sam’s arms, giggling as he twirls you around till you're dizzy and sick.

“You’re Father has been keeping you from us” Sam says, shooting an accusatory dagger towards Steve who has begun to unload your belongings.

“Hello to you too Sam” Steve shouts from behind the open boot with a gruff voice.

Bucky’s booming voice makes its appearance before he does, rounding the corner of the back yard wiping grease off his hands onto a dirty old rag.

“If it isn’t Miss Rogers! Took ya long enough” He replies, pulling you into a tight protective hug whilst Steve sets your duffel bags on the porch edge.

Sam turns to Steve, pulling him into a hug as well, his hand slapping his back with a loud umph.

“Shame you couldn’t stay over here as well” Sam says

“Fury. Clint needs some help down in Nové Město” Steve says tiredly after embracing Bucky.

“When Duty calls” You reply

“Steve answers” Bucky and Sam say in unison.

“It wasn’t me this time” Steve points at you accusingly “The drive up here made me start regretting it enough. Lay off will ya”

“It was okay? We’ve been getting some Black bear sightings along Wood Lake” Sam replies

“We were all right. At least I won’t have a nagging buzz in my ear the drive back” Steve teases,

“Hey!” You reply, playfully pushing his shoulder.

“Don’t worry Y/N, You’re ours now. You no longer have to face that tyrant” Bucky chirps, pulling his hair back into a bun.

“And this tyrant” Steve shifts, looking down at his watch “needs to start heading back”

“Already? Can’t stay for lunch, Sarah’s making her seafood boil” Sam replies

Steve audibly groans, rocking on the balls of his feet as he shakes his head at the thought of missing out on Sarah Wilson's Louisiana renowned seafood.

“She is? Oh my god that better not be a lie Sam” You reply. Sarah’s cooking was like no other, you’ve been begging her to hurry up and make the next best selling cookbook.

“Yup, she's got me on shucking duty” Bucky says, feigning exasperation that held very thinly over the clear adoration Bucky had whenever he talked about Sarah.

You look towards Steve, and he raises his eyebrows as you both communicate silently. Bucky was head over heels in love with Sarah Wilson, it was getting annoying seeing them do this dance.

“Alright, time for goodbyes Kiddo” Steve replies after stifling the smirk that tugs at his mouth whilst he watches Bucky crane his neck at the sound of Sarah coming through the door.

“Steve Grant Rogers, you better not have thought of leaving without giving me a proper hello” Sarah calls, her dark coils pulled into a high bun that has begun to uncurl and frame her face.

“Tsk, Sarah. Of course I wouldn't leave before seeing the better Wilson.

“You got that right” Sarah chuckles, pulling Steve into a hug. Sam grumbles profanities under his breath as he rolls his eyes.

“Where are the boys?”

“Staying with a friend, did ya'll know something about this ‘hoverboard’ mess that's going around?” Sarah questions, exhaustion clear in her tone from dealing with two children wanting something.

“Could probably call Tony and he’d just make one for you” Steve replies with a chuckle at Sarah’s tone.

“Great idea soldier. Knew you were gonna leave early so I packed you a little somethin’ for the road” Sarah smirks, passing the tote bag on her shoulder that even you could smell had something decadent wrapped in careful parchment.

“Sarah Wilson, the woman you are” Steve replies, grasping the bag gingerly with a sigh as he peers into the wrapped dish.

“Ya can say that again” Bucky mutters softly under his breath, his hand coming up to scratch at the nape of his neck as Sarah shifts her gaze to him.

“Okay, I’ll admit it I’m gonna miss you oldie” You say, rocking n your feet as the feeling of separation begins to settle.

“Com ‘ere kid”

You quickly run into the open arms of Steve, blinking back tears as you lean your head on his broad shoulder. Rocking back and forth in his embrace Steve caresses your back tenderly.

“I’ll be back before you know it. We might even stay a bit longer when I do come back” Steve whispers in your ear.

You lift your head “Really? You mean that?” You whisper, as you meet his gaze, searching for any sign of a lie.

“When have I ever lied?”

“Well there was that one time you said you weren't scared of spiders..” You reply before Steve quickly cuts you off

“Okay that's enough”

You giggle, before Steve squeezes you in his arms. Shaking his head as you both part and he sets you back down.

“Never gets easier saying goodbye'' Steve replies, before moving to embrace Sam and Bucky, and placing a chaste kiss on Sarah's cheek before turning back to you.

“Now, call me before bed and in the morning, okay?” Steve replies, his tone morphing into an authoritarian lilt.

“Yep, and I'll text you some photos and videos throughout” You reply sweetly, as Steve nods along with unblinking eyes.

“What are you doing”

“I’m just taking a mental note of how you look exactly as I left you, and I will notice any piercings, hair changes and god forbid tattoos-”

“Okay, okay, just take a photo while you’re at it”

Steve shuffles on his feet, moving the back to his shoulder as he pulls out his phone

“Oh you aren’t actually-” You say, before the flash of Steve's camera cuts you off midway.

“Alright, I think I’m good to go” Steve replies, before nodding your playful punch on his shoulder.

You walk Steve to the car, hugging him goodbye again before Sam and Bucky exchange some information about something confidential, top secret, and definitely one you shouldn't listen in on.

But you do.

And it’s boring anyway.

The kitchen is bustling by mid afternoon, shells of craw fish and prawns scattered on the table counter and the dirty water of shelled oysters flowing down the edge of the grassy front lawn.

The smells of cajun seasoning and buttered corn leaves you asking Sarah when it's done every five minutes till she’s banishing you from the kitchen and sending you off with a lemonade.

You move through the littered toys and figurines AJ and Cass had left in their clear hurry to spend the night at a friend's and push the screen door open with your hip. Careful to not spill your drink, you take a seat on one of the rocking chairs on the porch with a sigh.

The sounds of the nearby pier docked with ships and fisherman makes its way even down the rocky dirt roads of Sam’s place, easy against the chirps and rustles of shrikes up above the oak and willow trees around the house.

You don't come to Louisiana to escape noise, life is all around you when you pay attention to it. New York is always awake, even at night- especially at night. Louisiana has a kind of hum that’s different, it feeds your soul.

Curling your feet underneath you, the screen door opens with a wack as Bucky stumbles onto the porch. The moisture of the beer drips down his fingers as he sits down on the adjacent chair to you.

“Sarah kick you out too?” You reply with a giggle as Bucky grumbles under his breath.

“I was just askin’ if we need to make this much food for four people..” Bucky replies, shaking his head with regret as he rests it on the back of the chair.

“Ooh rookie move mister” You reply teasingly, before Bucky cuts his eyes to you

“Oh and asking the equivalent of “are we there yet” is any better” Bucky banters, taking a swing of his beer before immediately grimacing.

“How’s you get Steve to agree to leave you for three weeks” Bucky starts, bringing his feet up to rest against the porch wooden fence.

“Oh I didn’t, Fury called and I just snatched the phone and told him he’d be there” You replied

“And you’re still breathing?!” Bucky replies incredulously

“I’m shocked by myself. But what about you?”

“Me? What about me?” Bucky replies with an eyebrow raised

“Are you staying in Louisiana indefinitely? Makes it a lot easier to convince Dad to move down here too” You continue

“I..I don't know. Maybe. Helping Sam out with the boat and everything has been good. Really good in fact. The people here aren't afraid of me..or this” Bucky points to the vibranium compartments of his arm.

“I wasn’t, I knew they wouldn't be too” You muse, smiling as Bucky looks up at you.

“Thanks kid. Finally starting to feel normal again, part of the community now I suppose. It’s weird, even back in Brooklyn i never felt so..a part of something before”

“Can’t just up and leave ‘em like I would’ve before. Especially when Sam needs my help”

“And Sarah” You add, hiding the smile behind a nonchalant nod.

“Yeah..Sarah” Bucky adds, his eyes glazing over as he leans back, eyes shifting to the towering tree leaves that cover half the sky.

You watch him carefully, seeing the way his leg jitters a little at the mere mention of Sarah, how so in love he is with her and you can’t help yourself anymore.

“You love her, don't you?” You murmur, as Bucky quickly swings his head to look at you.

“Hmp?”

“Sarah?” You inquire, raising your eyebrows with a smirk.

“I see the way you look at her, the way you both look at each other, and I’m here practically every summer break. Which is never”

Bucky’s face morphs from shock to realisation, sitting upright as he scratches at his dark overgrown hair.

“You think she looks at me? I mean, in that way?” Bucky asks after a pregnant pause, his voice quiet and filled with anxious shyness. He can’t even look at you, looking out into the rounding hills of the roads and houses ahead.

“I know she does. Let it be the teenage girl who can tell who is acting like two love sick high schoolers” You grin, as Bucky’s eyes twinkle, unable to hide the adoration and love about to burst through.

“Or let that Chef who came down from Chicago swept her off her feet..what was his name again?” You tease, wiggling your eyebrows as you take a sip of your melting lemonade.

“Easy now, Rogers” Bucky replies with a bark, jaw clenching at the thought of Sarah being with anyone else.

“Foods ready!” Sam calls out from the kitchen window and Bucky helps you up from your seat, tipping out the last of his drink onto the stepped on grass before you both make your way back inside.

The thick book raised high above your face does little to block out the midday sun, you’re lying on the dock, the wooden planks warm underneath your shirt as the ends of your hair dip into the lake’s surface.

It’s a quiet hidden sort of mystical place, off the side of Sarah’s house where practically nobody but the Wilson's and by extension now you and Bucky now know about. Sarah divulged memories of spending new years here with the boys and their father years before, how it seemed likes their own little getaway.

The yellowed pages of Bucky’s first edition Hobbit flick between your fingers as you fly through the adventures of Bilbo and the fantastical realm of Erebor. You notice AJ and Cass’s squeals and laughter suddenly silent, and for the first time since you had laid down you sit upright looking across the grassy field.

The boy’s frisbee you had lost many games to earlier is dashed to the side, and as you wipe lazy exhaustion from your eyes to see Sam pull out a notebook and pen on the rug. Dusting off the dirt from the dock, you make your way through the grassy foxgloved trail towards him.

“Where did everyone go?” You question, throwing the book onto the soft cushioned floor.

“Bucky and Sarah had to take the boys home, AJ somehow ended up hurting himself on grass. And before you ask no I don’t know how”

You giggle before plopping down on some cushions, stretching your arms out with a groan.

It’s easy to talk to Sam. About school, about New York, about life, everything.The unrelenting sun helps ease the discomfort of certain things sure, but Sam has always been your person.

“Whatcha doing?” You ask, looking at Sam scribble some things into the paper

“I like to write sometimes. Not for anyone else, just for myself. Can be about how I’m feeling some days, people I remember, hell even some poetry”

“I tried the whole journal taking thing, the counselor at school said it might be good since I don't have a “conventional family dynamic”. Psycho babble for, everyone you know and love have fought aliens in space and have the capability to take down a government.

“I mean, there was that one time the Quinjet dropped you off at school” Sam chuckled

“That was one time! And that was because Tony hates traffic” You add, shaking your head at the embarrassment of disembarking from a 30 feet aircraft that works as a spaceship.

“But it must be hard, ya know? Having to share your dad with the rest of the world”.

“Hm? Sarah’s boys share you with them too”

“Yeah, but you know it's different. Parents are meant to be plain, they’re meant to live through us. Imprint all their expectations and dreams onto us”

“Well, maybe you should start seein’ things at what they ‘could’ be, instead of what they're meant to be. Sure, I don't have the kind of Dad that comes from the office at 5pm and has days off. But I get..this. You and Bucky, Sarah and a damn Asgardian King as my family. My Dad spent his whole life fighting, showed me what having immovable morals and good character makes of you. Wouldn’t trade it for the world, makes you feel a lot safer when there's an inbuilt super hero team on speed dial too”

“Damn you Rogers and your century wisdom. You spent a couple decades in the ice too?”

“Haha, don't group me with that icicle.

Birds chirp and warm wind tussles the grass you lay on.

“Oh Louisiana"

“Nothing like it ey?”

“In the entire world. Get now why Steve never allowed me to stay longer than a week”

“Why’s that?” “Cause I'd never leave. I'd probably force him to retire and build a house with his bare hands across the road from you”.

Sam chuckles.

The sound of footsteps makes its way from the trail, and Bucky appears rounding the corner, his vibranium arm glinting in the sun.

“Do I hear the familiar crinkling of Guidry’s?” You shout out excitedly as Bucky raises the familiar peach coloured paper bag in the air

“Easy with the goods, Barnes” Sam calls out, before Bucky plops down next to you, ripping open the pastry bag to unveil the perfectly powdered beignets still warm.

“Told Elijah you had come down for a visit and he gave a little extra” Bucky says, before reaching for one of the pastries dusted in snow.

“Yeah…Steve was right” You reply, after groaning at the sweet and airy taste of the most perfect fluffy pastry you have ever tasted

“Bout what?” Sam and Bucky both say in unison mouths filled and faces covered in powdered sugar

“I’m never gonna leave” You giggle, wiping the sugar from your chin.

The sun makes its disembark down the coastline, as tunes of Etta Jones, Rockettes and Hozier murmur from Sam’s faded blue speaker. You fill your stomach on sugary beignets and sweet tea, leaving sticky fingerprints on card faces through hour long games of Euchre through the afternoon light.

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chiiyuuvv · 4 months

Note

BESTIEEE

I FINALLY PASSED MY HISTORY EXAM💃💃💃💃

I failed this exam A LOT OMG

BUT guess what...I PASSED IT WITH 100/100

Girl I can't believe it🥹🥹

SAUR how do you think xikers will react to you passing an exam/important test that you were working on for a long time/stressing over a lot?

You can write it whenever you can cuz I think your requests are closed, BUT I CAN WAIT. I want YOUR thoughts because you are the best writer on this app frfr. So take your time

Anyways take care bestie, don't skip your meals, love youu🤍

-🌵 anon<3

• PAIRING — bf!xikers x gn!reader

• GENRE — proud xikerss :DD, slight kissing, almost wrote a whole fic for hunter-

• WORD COUNT — 782

• AUTHOR'S NOTE — sorry this is so late!! And good job on your tests :O

• TAGLIST — @lil-elle , @hyunukitty , @cake1box , @mars101 , @nenede , @soul-is-a-strange-kid , @the-lemon-boy , @yuniniverse

MASTERLIST! – JOIN THE TAGLIST!

MINJAE ☆

Hes not even surprised atp, he knows how smart you are

But boy does he pretend to be shocked, his hand covering his mouth as he takes in another gasp

But his other hand is hiding behind his back

You seem to notice and the only thing he can do is giggle, revealing an neatly folded box

Turns out there was a very pretty necklace inside, minjae spinning you around to put it on you, whispering in your ear how pretty you look and how proud he is ♡

JUNMIN ☆

Makes sure you do nothing for the rest of the week

So what if its monday?? He'll do anything for his precious baby since you worked so hardd

Will make your meals and clean the kitchen, your room, your study area

Even gives you a bath

And he wont stop either, that is, if you want cuddles ♡

SUMIN ☆

Sumin knew how stressed out you'd get with your exams so he prepared you a little smth!!

(And also some tissues)

Finally uncovering your eyes, you find a self portrait of yourself studying

And lemme just say how beautiful you look

The lines sketched with such care and patients, now you know why sumin had been smiling so much lately ♡

JINSIK ☆

I think this calls for pizza!! 🗣🗣‼‼

Also makes sure you do nothing. All you gotta do is just there and look pretty and that was already took no effort

Also a movie night because why not, and you've been meaning to catch up on some movies, also why not??

His arm wrapped your shoulder at all times, and will whine if you try to move around

Plus random cheek kisses, yeah, thats about it ♡

HYUNWOO ☆

Decides to buy tickets last minute and takes you to the fair!!

Lots of hand holding and pda, wiping some off the cinnamon off of your lips caused by your churros

Will attempt to get you those huge teddy bears, but sulks when he cant so you just gotta give him some kisses

Also the ferris wheel!!

Makes sure youre at the tippy top then he processed to tell you how proud his is and how special you mean to him, sealing it with a kiss ♡

JUNGHOON ☆

Yall know junghoon isnt that big on physical affection

But when he hears the news hes a changed man

His eyes shot open and his hands moving faster than his brain, picking you up and spinning you around when he gives you the biggest kiss on your cheek

Wait whaat??

Wdym he did that no he didnt stop being so delusional he didnt kiss your cheek and secretly enjoyed it but not enjoying your teasings rn shut up 🙄 ♡

SEEUN ☆

"Really?! I thought you failed!!"

His response earned him a huge punch

But hes only joking, ruffling your hair before dialing his phone, calling everyone and their mom to tell the news

Man does more than just spill the tea, he makes it from scratch

Hes overally dramatic when he tells your adventure, saying how you had to cross 7 seas just to find the right answer.. but you love him anyways 🤷‍♀️ ♡

YUJUN ☆

Hes wants to hear all about it, so spill the tea 😠😠

Another one to think you taking a test was so dramatic, having to slay a dragon just to get the right answer to a question

And boy is he listening!! (He listens to you more than minjae)

He'd be so awestruck when youre done, his jaw lefted open and hes looking at you with sparkly eyes

Hes so proud of you too :(( ♡

HUNTER ☆

Also think hes like minjae with the gift giving, pulling out this beautiful bracelet he bought months ahead of time because he knew you'd do well

But unlike minjae, he takes you out to dinner!!

Yes, a big, fancy dinner. And hes paying for it all by himself <3

Hunters prince agenda omgomg

No bc he'd drop down on his knees to kiss the back of your hand, making sure to look up at you in the process, opens every. Since. Door in sight and also pushes you into your chair. Andd he also leans against the table to wipe something off the corner of your lips, giggling to himself bc youre just so adorable. i could write a whole fic honestly... ♡

YECHAN ☆

You passed your exam? Give him a hug

You got an A?? Give him a hug

You thought you were going to fail? Frowns at you, before hugging you tightly

Spends the rest of the day giving you so much love, youre only allowed to be in his arms

And is the boy so soft??? The most gentle hes ever been ♡

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ofallplaceswhythis · 1 month

Text

tcoptp thoughts pt.16

the black brothers angst better be healing

remus and tomny will be the death of me

every wolfstar fanfic needs to have sirius sleeping in remus' bed while james loos for him blissfully unaware

Yayy regulus and remus <33 [nevermind he got angry pretty fast]

Lol wtf is with remus and his fangirls random girls saying hi get that nick nelson thing out of my face this isnt heartstopper

REGULUS?! fucking prank wars gonna start between them now

Marlene its ok im on your side

remus getting chased by girls is his villain origin story

OMG REGULUS IS TRANS IN THIS?!?!

trish is like that random person in class who you think is just off-putting but they're actually really cool and just give you bits of information like a treat of friendship

i love their trio can they please hang out more?? please please ple-

remus and regulus are back <3

impossible improbable, sirius and nikolai would have loved each other istg there has to be one fanfic where they met

'i look for you in other people' remus ik you write poems but this is top tier poetry i cant believe someone actually wrote this

think this deserves a special point but mots putting disaster girl author notes seems fitting and creepy and now im scared

me making myself forget every wolfstar angst that ever happens is a form of self care otherwise i'll cry

............ just kill me at this point why dont you <33

brb guys smt got in my eye

.........holy fuck,,, never going to recover

is this some sort of "the prank" equivalent cause idk how i feel about that (can anything be worse than this?)

EFFIE YOU ARE THE GREATEST MOM IN EXISTENCE

'bite me, suspender stanley' im crying 💀💀

kinda dont like sirius rn and my mind is viciously attacking me for it

ok so remus ran away and is now with tomny, amazing fantastic gl-

never have i felt more pain than i did rn

this is the weirdest take on the miscommunication trope ive seen

hi guys can you please sort the fuck out of your shit? thanks <3

...do the girls know somehow or they just guessed? wont be suprised either way tbh they can actually talk about their feelings

how the fuck is remus suprised that people can actually guess what he and sirius were doing its so obvious like asdfghjklzxcvbnm

please please please please please please please please stop

'im so fucking mental about you' asdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiop

'im not a poet' 'part-time then' THE TITLE'S HERE HGHGDHDSUI

SUNFLOWER FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM GSDGSDGSGFGRS

'youre like a dad to me' asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmabcdefghijk

TOMNY MEETING THE GUYS YES ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP

K what happened with tomny and sirius cause im concerned that sirius will actually throttle/kill him.

#the cadence of part time poets #my thoughts #sirius black #remus lupin #regulus black #james potter #wolfstar #the marauders

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ashthemadwriter-archived · 2 years

Note

Heyyy Had a smol request to make! I really loved the headpat hcs you wrote <33 if possible, could you please write some for Chuuya and Akutagawa too? Take your time! Stay hydrated, and take care of yourself <333

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings: Chuuya, Akutagawa X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: None

Word Count: 0.9K

A/n: When you said that you wanted to send a request I didn't think you meant this lmao. I suffered till I got some ideas XD

I got a bit carried away with Chuu btw🤧

Part 1 with Dazai, Fyodor and Ranpo

↬Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

◆I honestly think that having a platonic relationship with this guy is really fun! And maybe even better than romantic.(Don't ask me why cuz that's just another story)

◆He isn't used to have someone as a friend, so this is all new to him and hes still, you know, testing the water.

◆It will take him a lot of time to get used to, well, You; but he will eventually if youre trustworthy and capable enough.

◆He cares for you in his own particular way, and by that I mean that no one is capable to notice it. Not even you yourself; but he does care, and that's what that matters.

"Oh my god I'm Exhausted!" is what you say when you inter the room and throw yourself on the couch, taking a deep breath while relaxing your body. "Mori is planning on killing me by sending me to these death missions! I can feel it! " Turning your head to the silent man who was slowly taking a sip from his tea, you sulked and got upset because he was totally ignoring you. "As I was saying… the damn snipers were shooting at me from everywhere! I nearly got shot in the head if my men hadn't blocked them!" Even a tiny glance was enough for you, but Akutagawa was still silent, pretending you didn't exist at all, and this made you angry. "Oi! Goth boy!" "…" "Fig wasting machine!" "…" "Twenty year old man who doesn't know how to smile!" "…" Knowing him for quite a long time, you knew how to catch his attention, but it was a risk you were willing to take, which you weren't before because you weren't that close in the beginning. "Oi! Coward!" The second those words came out of your mouth, the man looked at you sending daggers through his eyes, while forming a blade out of his coat, ready to attack you. What he was not expecting was for you to smile and move closer to him. "What? Are you a coward?" "Do you have a death wish?" "Then why did you look at me when I called you that?" His blade slowly came down as he stared at you a bit more, then went back on drinking his tea. You rolled your eyes and then turned your head to the opposite direction, and started whining to yourself in a low voice. "Well what am I even expecting from you. You don't care if I even die or anything. I come to your office everyday trying to make conversation but all you do is just ignoring me. You don't even look at me! Like, do you hate me that much? But why? what did I d-" your words were immediately cut off by the sensation of his hand on your head, slowly patting you; And when you looked at him, he was looking back, and not in a threatening way. "Good job" Now it was your turn to be silent. Not because you wanted to get back at him; but because you were caught off guard and didn't know how to react. "Happy? Now shut up and let me have my tea in peaceful silence"

↬Chuuya Nakahara

◆Being in a platonic relationship with this guy is just so entertaining! Hes fun, interesting, brave, cool, etc.

◆But the thing is, hes been betrayed so many times that he just cant fully trust you. He wont show it at all though. He will chat with you, drink with you and stuff, but hes still afraid if youre gonna be like his old "friends" .He will eventually trust you if you two spend time together.

◆But it will take a lot of time, cause he did considered Dazai as his friend for 4 whole years; but then…

◆Anyway, hes literally the best if youre willing to put up with his short temper :)

"I hate everything in this shitty world!" "What now?" you grab the bottle of wine from his hand and drinking it till theres not even a drop left, then throw the bottle out of the window. Chuuya would have been be mad if you weren't this angry and tired, but luckily, you had enough that day. "I say hello and they give me work. I run into them in the hallway and they give me work. work, work, work. What am I? A stupid robot or something?" Chuuya looked at you carefully while opening the next bottle, trying to hide it so you wont snatch this one from him too. "Well, you get paid a lot in exchange, so its kind of fair" "Fair? Fair?" Dramatic as always, you sat next to him while covering your face with your hands, trying to fight the anger that was taking over you. "Making you work like a damn machine isn't fair! And were risking our lives by working in the mafia! I nearly died a while ago on the mission! And do you know what they did? Nothing! Nobody even bothered to sat "Thanks for working this hard" or "are you ok?" or "Well done" or- " "Well done. I'm proud of you" Frozen in the spot, you look at him with surprise and shock, while he gives you a small smile that melts your heart. "Awwwwwwwww Chuuuuuu! Waaaaaaaa!" Throwing yourself in his arms, you begin to cry as you wrapped your arms around him. "I love you so much! what am I supposed to do without you! Waaaaa(crying*)!" Chuuya slowly patted your back as he tried to act smooth and not to blush furiously. "Its ok y/n… its ok"

Reblogs are apprecaited!

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kitkatscabinet · 1 year

Text

big get fucked to J.K Rowling and any transphobes I in no way support her. I do not read the books/watch the movies/buy the merch. Her opinions and lots of what she wrote is trash

Harry Potter Au but it's during the timeline of the books.

This ended up being way fucking longer than I thought so:

Aegon is in Harry's year. Aemond is a first year when they're in 4th year and Jace joins Hogwarts a year after Aemond.

Contains hcs for Aemond's and Jace's first year and Aegon's 4th.

(Helaena is a ravenclaw and a year younger than Aegon)

Aemond:

We all saw it coming but he's a Slytherin. Pureblood, comes from one of the most prestigious magical families in history.

He longs to uphold the family line/tradition and is both incredibly cunning and ambitious. While yes he's very intelligent, he learns to further his own goals and standing so it's a no brainer really

Aemond is a true loner. he has no friends even within his own house. the children his age are hardly representative of what their house should be and he thinks many of them to be sheep.

The Targaryen's did not fight for voldemort, Viserys' first wife was a halfblood after all. The Hightower's however, while not openly, did support his regime from the shadows.

It's during the first task of the Triwizard tournament that he bumps into an overly friendly fourth-year Hufflepuff.

she thinks he's just the cutest little thing and when she notices how much he brightens when he sees the dragons she asks if he likes them

Aemond ends up ranting at her for three hours before he realises what he's done. but she doesn't seem mad. In fact she thanks him and leans down to kiss his cheek.

from there he starts to see her everywhere, and everytime she sees him she'll talk to him.

he spends hours discussing everything from magical regulation laws to how he's adjusting to hogwarts.

she's the kindest, prettiest, smartest and funniest woman in the entire world he quickly decides.

one of the older boys confronts him about spending so much time with a puff, and even worse, a mudblood.

Aemond is a little distraught and confused. He didn't buy into the same prejudices as most of his housemates but still, muggleborns weren't as strong or wise as purebloods.

But... you were. You were quick-witted, and fierce and hardworking.

He thinks you're more of a dragon than his father

he pulls away a little and you give him space, but not before letting him know you'll always be available

Aemond's forgotten what it's like to be lonely and decides he cares little for it.

sits next to you for breakfast one morning and you are over the moon, introducing him to all your other friends who all fawn over him.

he sees you cry for the first time when Diggory dies. You try to hide your sorrow from him but he refuses to leave your side.

This is when he vows to get strong enough to be your protector, to be worthy enough for you.

Voldemort is back and you're one of his causes targets, he wont let anything happen to you.

Jace:

Gryffindor. The picture of chivalry.

He's a year younger than Aemond and quickly becomes one of Mcgonnagall (I forgot how to spell her name) favourites because he's so polite and well mannered.

he is still a lion though and has earned himself plenty of detentions for punching bigoted slytherins.

his mother has tried to claim him as a pureblood but everyone knows he's a halfblood.

While jace doesn't care about blood status so much, he does care about the implications it has on his mother.

he's popular with both students and teachers

gets lost in the first week of school and runs into a very pretty Ravenclaw first year who's also late because they spent too long in the library

it's love at first sight, especially when she tells Flitwick that she had gotten lost and Jace had helped her.

he's James potter if James wasn't a fuckin twat.

some of the staff refer to the two of you as the next James and lily but truthfully Mcgonnagall knows you're closer to being the second coming of a polite James and a studious Sirius

he's far more courteous though, and while he's the farthest thing from smooth when he actually does have feelings it's kind of endearing.

study dates (he can't wait until you can both go to hogsmeade).

it only takes him half a year before he writes his mother to beg her to let you stay during the holidays.

The two of you are attached at the hip and many of the staff are genuinely dismayed when your houses have classes apart. Not as dismayed as you and Jace though.

You've already planned out your future electives so you can have as many classes as possible together.

his mother likes you very much, but you and Daemon and seem to hate each other.

you are always competing with his step father, throwing snarky comments and trying to outdo the other.

Anyone that thinks its ridiculous Daemon had picked a nemesis in an 11 year old very wisely keeps that thought to themselves.

Well that is, after some pureblood on the lower end of the social hierarchy had said so at the latest ball and you had hexed him beyond recognition.

Screaming that only you could say such things about Daemon.

"I thought you hated Daemon???" "Why would you think that? I love Daemon more than I love you"

Jace becomes insanely studious after that harsh blow. he also begins training to join the quidditch team. Something that Daemon hadn't been on.

Aegon:

Genuinely the hardest to choose a house for. but he's a Gryffindor as well. If just for the fact he is none of the other three.

Aegon wants to distance himself from his family

But he has the potential to be brave and chivalrous, the hat has placed him exactly where he needs to be. Alicent (ravenclaw) is less than pleased but Viserys is delighted he's taking after Rhaenyra

he in 4th year with Harry and is only the second biggest pariah at the school because of the triwizard situation.

he has no friends. He's known as the biggest twat in the school

the twins are the only ones that like him, they're oddly perceptive to how Aegin really feels and it freaks him out.

Oh and that one girl that's somehow in all his classes, is always in the common room when he's there and almost always eats with him, even though she's super popular and has lots of friends.

she's a chaser on the quidditch team, gets along well with the so called 'golden trio' and is the perfect mix of daring, precocious and charming that all the teachers seem to love her.

she's so perfect it pisses him off, and it seems that no matter what he says or does she's sticking around.

she's a half blood, not that Aegon cares. but he knows grandfather will, and for that he tolerates her presence

(it's not because he's lonely and she actually pays attention to him, sees him for him)

his house members sneer that he doesn't belong.

Aegon knows this, but he also knows he belongs even less in all the other houses. A complete outsider everywhere he goes.

he's used to hearing such sentiments.

so when you stand and start to screech in fury in the middle of the great hall, throwing food, insults and hexes at every person that had every badmouthed him before the teachers could intervene

you lost an insane amount of house points as well as 'friends' and social standing as well as gained detention for the rest of the year

but you had officially gained one positive thing that nearly nobody else had. Aegon's love

and even if you hadn't you would still do it again.

#aegon ii targaryen hcs #aegon ii targaryen x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon hcs #hotd au #harry potter #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen hcs #house of the dragon #house of the dragon au #house of the dragon x harry potter

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ussjellyfish · 1 month

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Truth or Dare!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I'm pretty sure it was some discussion boards, yahoo groups, geocities (I had a geocities). I read TNG fanfic, much of it I was not ready for, back in the 90s. I started writing really tentative things, posted a few. Tropey, I had a lot of issues I needed to work out. It was a VERY heterosexual canon pairings kind of space.

(Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard, Deanna Troi/Will Riker and variations.).

I didn't know I was queer then. I had hints of it when I wrote queer OCs in my first epic space babyfic.

It would be like...ten years until I tried femslash main characters. I might have gotten into femslash earlier if I clicked with Janeway/Seven, but that's not my thing.

Did make a minor crisis in my own little corner of fandom when I started writing Janeway/Crusher.

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I almost have the new flat arranged in a way I like, with a corner for this and a corner for that. Still need a lamp.

Work is...good? I might even get tenure. (don't know, if I don't get it this year I'll get it next year). It's going well though. I'm happy.

I've been studying financial literacy and trying to figure out how to pay things down and deal with the new things that keep popping up. (health care is hella expensive in the US and you can't plan for it, so many things are just...hope for the best! you'll have to pay 20% of this but we wont' tell you how much it costs until later.

So it's uphill, but I am making progress.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I did so much research for Uncharted, into how viruses work and how something could not cause a fever and hurt the kidney and I also needed it to effect the eyes, so that was fun. I read actual medical articles.

I did a bunch of research into fertility and really complex medical stuff for Under the Star Light too. I got a lot of it wrong, but I tried really hard.

Medical stuff seems to be when I do the most research.

#thanks for asking!#truth or dare

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heliosoll · 2 years

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[ ... ]

I'm fascinated with some of his answers! What does he think of atheists/agnostics, science,other religions like Judaism, Buddhism,Hinduism or people who are condemned by some of the Christians like homosexuals, trans, etc.(It's okay if he chooses not to answer). About his interventions, can't he just manifest the desired outcome since his God? Also, what does he think of Neville's teachings? Or loa in general since it has also roots in other scriptures I think. And are there any quarrels or skirmishes among cosmic beings? How do they resolve it? The Panoptican theory is definitely interesting. And does he think there is someone else watching over them(him and other eternal beings)? I'm also currently contemplating whether him or all this is just a conjuration on your part and mine. I also recommend watching the egg by kurzgesagt. And I'm going to hell fr lol. Anyway, convey my regards to him and I wish the both of you well:).( I also thank him for his lovely words. I'll be taking care of myself and I hope both of you do the same.💗)

"Does he ever attempt to communicate with other higher beings" , paraphrased but you get what I meant

He doesnt force anyone to believe him. He thinks that there might be a higher power who made him cause when he basically became aware of his existence, there were already some beings who already knew of their existence, so he cant cross that out with complete confidence. He personally believes the idea that every religion and every belief system is partially correct. "If I had a creator, I would give half truths but not lies and when you piece them all together, you will have learned the secrets of the universe", which basically means all the religions and belief system have parts that are correct and if you find all of them, you'd figure it out.

He has this blanket rule for all humans. "If they don't harm anybody as a collective then there is nothing wrong with an individual being part of said collective", basically if they as individuals do not harm others as that identity then he has no problems with them. It's basically I dont care if youre this or that because I'd love you either way unless you hurt people ,, he draws the line there. He doesnt completely understand the condemnation of some of them. Some of them he did say but doesnt stand by those statements today; some he said but was severely misinterpreted (for the gays: he said dont sleep with kids and that is it), and some he didnt say at all. it usually came from people who believed their thoughts and their opinions were that of gods and wrote or rewrote the book

He has a thing against influencing people beyond free will. He'll nudge you in the direction he wants you to go but if you go or not depends on you. Plus the two major interventions I said last time, he directly intervened during that time and it originally had the desired effect until certain things. He did them so humanity itself could restart on all they've done but it hasn't worked because humans stay human. He doesnt want to manifest things get better, he wants to see if it ever does. It's basically his own test on humanity

He's fine with his teachings but thats about it. He doesnt have an opinion on it basically. "What else is there supposed to say?", is all he said after saying his teachings were fine. He finds loa interesting since all Gods and higher beings use it on a technical standpoint. It interests him more than anything. He wont try stopping it or helping it, unless deity-work is involved. He said divine timing doesn't exist anyway

"If there were.. or are fights between them, I would not know. Some of them do try to talk to us but I think it's like.. awkward uhhhh... co-workers? That's the closest thing I could find that embodies what I mean. There are some disagreements occasionally between what someone wants and what someone else wants and they have to resolve that privately. Sometimes their resolution affects humans. I wouldn't know, I don't interact with a lot of them. Our relationships are hard to explain"

Oh- yeah the Egg by kurzgesgast is actually very accurate to what he was saying, we just watched it. Well except the you're everyone. Everyone is simply a vessel for consciousness and so while you can shift as them, the vessels stay separate. You can be everyone but you're not everyone in one place basically

He doesnt communicate more than he needs to. He says its awkward but doesnt want to explain past that. He can but he doesn't communicate with them all that much and most of them don't try it either

Thank you for answering again! And sorry for posting late 😅 Your ask got kinda buried under a bunch of other stuff. I hope the other anon sees this!

#religion mention #letters 🎀#lost post #the relationships between deities of different beliefs is actually super interesting to me #i feel like i would be so nosy and annoying as a deity like id always want to know whats going on with everyone else 😭

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cosmictulips · 2 years

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Hii Tulips!! How are you doing love? ❤💙

Here for the feedback for the new moon reading and let me tell you it was so resonating. Like I resonate with each and everything written here. My guides asked me to check myself not cause I am being egotistical. Like you know from past many days I would actually call like past many weeks I am having this feeling as if I am being egoistic, selfish, rude. Its not something I did so I am feeling this. It was just that my thoughts that made me feel selfish, egoistic or rude cause I was angry over myself and certain things. And the fact you said that they asked me to check myself not cause I am egoistic just relaxes me cause I all this time long I was checking on and just supressing my thoughts or imaginations cause I thought I am a egoistic, rude person. Yes u know even I feel I have become quite untethered in the manner of just day dreaming all day and having my head in the clouds thinking about the future instead of focusing on the present and grounding myself. Still if the line - "but, this feels more like you've become untethered and you need to reground yourself. you know, like anxiety, overwhelm, perhaps even angry and just tired. " means something else then please let me know cause I feel I just couldnt understand it even if I can relate. What does regrounding means? Does it mean to stop daydreaming or thinking about the future or its just balancing ? 🥺 Since last 2 months and the coming 2 months I am just giving entrance exams like JEE and all other big exams I just was overwhelmed with feelings. I even had an anxiety attack before my exams and I was just angry over myself for not studying properly. I did a lot of readings related to my guides. And I always get the same message. Yes I feel forgotten like I feel I lost myself somewhere in the mess and it feels so hard to recollect myself again cause I feel the time gone too faraway. The other people whom I am trying to make proud are no one else than my parents and teachers. I feel I being harsher on myself cause I already disappointed them with my earlier exam marks. Whenever I get reading on what do my guides think I should do to clear JEE. I always get that they are kinda angry over the fact that I am trying for a thing that even aint my purpose. They ask me to chill. But I personally feel that I am just relaxing day by day just sleeping, eating and wasting time here and there instead of focusing on my studies. What does coming home to yourself mean? I remember that I was a very good student. For me studying was fun. Its the thing I loved doing the most in life. But I dont like studying just with a purpose to have a certain thing. Yeah even that thing to stop everything resonates cause I really wanted to stop each and everything that is going on. I really wanted to stop this chain of mess. Its just not me but its almost everyone in my friends circle who are giving this exam feel like this. Yes I feel I am being too judgemental about myself. Talking about its been days I am awake all night till morning and then I sleep for 4-5 hours. I dont know how to follow your advice sorry like I will try to do it for sure but I am too caught up like if I dont clear this exam then people have already told me they would lose trust in me as I was a bright student. Since if I dont land somewhere good I wont able to make good changes in my family. The whole reading just made me too emotional but it was resonating.And thank you for what you wrote in the tags too. That means a lot to me. 🥺🥰💙❤

Thank you so much.❤❤.Have a nice day!! Sending you lots of love !! 💙💙 ( Sorry I wrote a very long essay) 🌚🌚

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

Hello Star Cadet =D

Listen, I feel you haha. and I'm really happy the reading resonated =)

I actually, also want to thank you for the feedback because It's not often I get this much detail in them and while I say I don't care about the length or even getting it, stuff like this reminds me why I even post pacs in the first place.

so thank you.

Yea, I think media has really forced people to go against their ego. being selfish isn't inherently a bad thing. but it can be, just like any other emotion or ...thing that a human can be.

and so when that egotistical card comes out, I always try to look further than that. like we need our ego, no matter what someone might say. we need that and our subconscious to find balance. and you shouldn't feel guilty of that.

however, it's when we start to slide from either being selfish to other people or being too hard on ourselves, that we need to step back and relax. that is our brains way of saying, hey check yourself cause something doesn't seem right.

Honestly, following my advice mostly just means thinking about it. take time for your studies sure, but don't lose yourself in the process. Honestly, it sounds like those people never had trust in you to begin with. You shouldn't have to live up to someones expectations to have their respect or trust. you are human, and humans make mistakes and they need breaks.

when I say to come home to yourself, that simply means, to come back to your roots. remind yourself why you want to do something. what are your goals. not the ones that make someone else proud, or that would please someone else.

What is something that would make YOU proud. what can you do that makes YOU relax? check in on yourself. how are YOU feeling, and why?

that's what I mean.

but yea lol if you have any other questions or whatever, feel free to stop on by. I love talking about this kind of stuff lol

#review #reviews #does that make sense lol

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lettersformiah · 2 years

Text

12:03pm, 29 june

MORNING BUBBA!

you are asleep cause you had the night shift placement so im not gonna see you for a while today but thats okay! im at home again so i can focus on these internals and thats what im about to do! just opening this letter so i can update you on my day as i go instead of bombarding your phone (but maybe that too) yeah so!

this morning i got up finally and had some toast n hashbrowns. hopped on me pc and i fleshed out more of the musical playlist so thatll probably be my fuel for this work for the next like 6 hours. hopefully im somewhat done by the time you get up but yk. i gotta do english >:( its gonna be 2 connections paragraph (~2 hours?) and two responses (~3 1/2-4 hours) english sucks cause it takes so so long but we will see! let u know <3

1:07! hi again bubsy! i finished my connections! all of it! wrote two paragraphs and fixed the hamilton one and did the conclusion! so tomorrow in english should be all good :D im pretty happy with it! now time to do the reponses! brb <3

UPDATTE LMAO 1:48 so! i startred working on the responses and then got distracted bc cash messaged me so. update time with it. i dont need to do it. like deadass do not need to do it at all. apparnelt in week 8 of next term we select either the connections or responses for the 4 credits. we dont get to pick both. just so like u can pick the one with the better grade n all that. but that amount of work is not at all equal wtf? 6 pages vs 4 paragraphs? like bro connections is also so much easier and way more fun to write about. i think im gonna be okay with it since i did and i think its definitely passable if nothing else and thats all i care about so its all good :D hope youre sleeping well. now it is geo time i think. and then maybe im done??

2:10 made a to do list with all the things i gotta do and its mainly just a lot for geo. geo is a lot fo writing but overall not actually that difficult. gonna do it until 3 and then gonna get lunch and do some chores. love you

4:48 almost 5 :O couldnt focus properly on geo, did some boring stuff like fixing the alyout and a teeny bit of writing but it was a bust so i got up and had some lunch, did dishes, had a shower, took my clothes off the rack n put em all away, and made my bed. i think thats all i did. only took like an hour and a half ehehe. im waiting for u to wake up but i know u wont. but also u wont be tired tn if u sleep forever so youll fuck up ur schedule u goof so hopefully that doesnt happen and everytyhing is alg.

but yeah! back at the pc now with a clean room and its nice :D id like to say im totally gonna do more geo n stuff but honestly i just wanna chill ykyk. im happy i did english since that was the most pressing issue i had. but everything else i dont ereally need to do i dont think. so it should be alg. french tomorrow will be shaky at best but honestly what happens happens and im sure ill get an achieved yk. so will be okay i hope. i love you, wake up soon please dear, mwah <3

talk soon,

-mads<3

#letters

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daffodilfool · 7 months

Text

Diary Entry.

Wednesday 04-10-2023

It's spooky month

i missed the first couple days but god damnit who cares

I keep this diary for ME and MYSELF ONLY!

i had a thought this morning which i dont know how to feel about it

i find a strange comfort in knowing the last thing ill ever remember is Outer Wilds

when im 90 years old and riddled with alzheimers and dementia and i've forgotten who i am, who my friends and family are, and everything ive ever made, i will still cry when i hear the calm guitar of timber hearth and the rushing water of the geysers

theres a tumblr post i think of from time to time, while its not exactly a poem in the traditional sense i do think it would be fair to call it such

"I hate it when I can't even write a poem about something because it's too obvious. Like in the aribnb I was at I guess it used to be a kid's room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. Like that's the poem already what's the point? You get it. You get the themes. I don't have time to do it justice. Just look at it. It's on the ceiling."

[Permalink to the tumblr post]

theres a lot of stuff like this

i too have a painted over glow in the dark star in my room

well

a chunk of it

the adhesive stuck to the wall so well we couldnt get it off and the arm snapped leaving only the tip glued to the wall

i still see it through the paint sometimes and wonder if someone in the future will see it and think about it when we eventually move out of the house

fossils too

a living being from millions of years ago frozen in time, quite literally set in stone

as little as a half mandible is enough to reconstruct an entire animal and its life

the lives of those around it

here we are, millions of years later, fawning over a rock with an odd shape

we give it life

we give it personality

we study every inch of its remains all to craft a story of the unknowable world before us

part of it is pursuit of knowledge, sure

but deep down do we really ponder the past because WE want to?

or do we remember the lost souls who have slumbered within the earth for eons to keep the memory of those who are no longer with us alive

Death in life is the death of the body, yes, but so long as you've made a mark, any mark, any sign of your existance, did you ever truly die?

Outer Wilds is poetic

it drives us to find out the dreams and goals of the Nomai

and we say we do it because we want to figure out the mystery

but if it really was just that, how come i still think about Outer Wilds despite knowing everything that happened

to the Nomai

to the Hearthians

to the Owlks

I'm done with Outer Wilds

I've done everything

theres nothing more for me to learn

and yet i keep returning to the game

if for no other reason than to simply say hi to the Hearthians

and to honour the dreams of the Nomai

and to help the Prisoner move on

why is it that when i open the game i spend my first 10 minutes simply standing in the middle of the town and listen to the rushing waterfall and the soothing music

and why is it that when i hear the banjo and the crackles of the Hatchlings campfire get lit, I cry?

by the time im old

when my brain has rotted

i will be looking through everything ive ever written

everything ive ever said

ill be looking through this very diary

you wont remember me

you wont remember baba

you wont remember thyme, or ava, or nessie, or ash

you wont remember your sister, your dog, your mom or dad

you wont remember all the poems you wrote

you wont remember all the drawings you did

you wont remember all the characters you've spent so much time playing with and putting in silly situations

you wont remember the nomads

you wont remember the Janitor

but I know for a fact that whoever is taking care of you by then will put on the theme of Outer Wilds

and i know for a fact that you will remember

You'll shed a tear, and it will be the product of every piece of art you've experienced, everyone you've ever cared about, everything that has had an impact on you, molded you and changed you as a person.

In that moment, though you may not remember me, you'll know that we're still the same person.

Deep down I know you're aware that, despite everything,

I love you.

#diary #outer wilds #echoes of the eye #art #poetry #poem

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dumbbitchfrommars · 9 months

Text

its a journey, not a race. i have to feel this way to move on.

what do i want to gain from telling my sisters about this? or my mum? what could they tell me that would help?

all i truly want to hear is that i should listen to my heart and go back to him. that he really was one of a kind, and that i wont find another like him. but the reality is im still 22, and i havent even met anyone besides him, because i wont let go of him. i dont want to let go of him! i want him back. i want what we had back. i want to feel that kind of love and attraction for someone again. because so far, i havent found a single person who can aggravate and excite me all at once the way he did. that could make me genuinely LAUGH the way he did. that made me feel safe and cared for like he did. ugh. is it true that i felt this way? am i making it all up to feed into my delusions? its so tiring being this way. its like the only thing that would make it end is to simply do it. to actually unblock him, add him, send him a dm, and get to the bottom of it myself. to put my pride aside, and risk rejection, all to hear from him again. to relight that connection. to somehow get the answers that i seek. what answers? that he still wants me? but do i still want him? who even is he, now...? is that what it is? the lack of knowing? i want him to still belong to me, even when i dont want to be together. i have the audacity to think he owes that loyalty to me years after i left him.

i want to know if he still has any kind of feelings for me. do you still think about me as often as i do? does it make you sad? does it make you miss me? does it make you nostalgic, or do you want it back? do you wish things went differently...? do you wonder, maybe, things could be different now, if we tried again?

i wish we could get to know eachother all over again without it feeling wrong. i wish we could start again without feeling like its a mistake. i wish that i was right in thinking you were the one for me all along.

i used to think we'd be together forever. that we'd have kids together.

did you secretly expect us to break up too? or did you want us to be together forever? because somehow i wanted both at once.

well. anyway, the point of all this is this. i still cant get you off my mind. so, you did win. if there was anyone who won, it was always you. you got me, you got the experience of a girlfriend, you had the character development of dating a girl like me. we learnt from eachother but you get to take that knowledge and now find a new girl to charm and love better than you ever did for me. and after all my fighting and anger and resentment, now i cant go a day without remembering you and the amazing love we shared and the memories we have together. ugh. ew. im so sappy and pathetic.

i dont know if it would be satisfying or heartbreaking to know that you still think about me to, or miss me. it would be even more heartbreaking to know you didn't.

i know youre happy now and that makes me happy and proud of you. you honestly might be doing a lot better than me mentally now. thats so impressive. you have a good circle of friends, youre living your best life and having fun and you moved forward instead of backward. that change is so heartwarming for me.

it irritates me that youre a tradie now. did you do that on purpose, cause i find them so hot? do you know how bad that makes me crave you? my body hasnt forgotten the things you did to me... lol. thats fucked up and lowkey weird. we broke up a long time ago and we were still very young.

i wonder how much better youd be now. i wonder how many girls youve slept with now? i hope they were good. my body count went up but for no good reason. they were all terrible and never made me cum. what a waste of my body. another massive regret.

anyway. i wonder how you'd react if you actually knew i felt this way about you. if you read everything i just wrote... would you feel bad for me? or would it spark something in you, a memory, and hope, that maybe its worth trying again. or has too much time passed, and too much has happened between us, that it simply wouldnt make sense anymore?

ive tried and tried to reconnect with old friends from the past. even the ones who i left on good terms with, we just cant seem to click anymore. we changed and outgrew eachother. and they remind me too much of the past, and the pain of grieving that time and that old me is too much, and it makes it too hard to see her anymore.

maybe weve changed so much, and the trust has faded so far, that even if we were to reconnect, wed inevitably lose eachother again anyway. would that hurt more? perhaps its best to leave the memory untouched where it is, and not meddle with what we had, by replacing it with newly failed attempts of rekindling things.

ugh.

i always come back to the same conclusion. and thats good! its consistent, and its healthy, and its right, and it helps me to stay on gods path. but its so exhausting going round in this circle so much. when can i be given a break? when can this addiction end? who is holding onto who at this point? is it venus retrograde? this whole time ive been blaming my emotions on venus. but every now and then i wonder if its him manifesting himself into my mind by thinking about me to.

EXCUSE ME! IF YOU ARE HEARING ME RIGHT NOW, WOULD YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK? I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE YOU ALL HOT AND SWEATY IN YOUR WORK UNIFORM AFTER A DAYS WORK. I DONT LIKE IMAGINING YOU LAUGHING AND MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR FRIENDS. I DONT ENJOY MISSING A PERSON WHO DOESNT EXIST. SO PLEASE STOP THINKING ABOUT ME AND MANIFESTING IN MY MIND! ITS EXHAUSTING. I NEED A BREAK TO FIND SOMETHING REAL AND TANGIBLE, THANKS.

i am so fucking delusional and need professional help. thats all

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keepthesethoughtsinsideyou · 1 year

Text

2/25/2023

So this is probably an awful idea. But when you were getting married and then having your honeymoon, i wrote letters to you. that i didnt send to you. i think i only had 3 or 4 days worth of them. But I have no clue when i will ever speak to you again. And like, speak speak. Not some short text. I'm very torn on everything. my heart, is shattered. truly. But you know. At least I have to think you know. Maybe you have like, been able to trick yourself into thinking i never cared. or idk. i just dont know Courtney. I am sorry that i felt this was planned. you did admit it was, after comparing me to Chad first of course. But planned in that, yo. i cant take this. its fair and justified. Maybe the Chad comparison was fair too. idfk. It also makes me hate myself more than I ever thought I could. i have been crying so much today that i have no concept of time. I am glad that at least you have had a wonderful Saturday. Out of town with a friend. Seeing a hopefully enjoyable movie. I was left to morn my dead Dad and now the most important relationship ive ever had. idk if youll ever read or see any of these. And christ i dont want to come off bitter or angry. or anything. I know that i hurt you already. fuck. i hurt you so much that you were like, peace dude. im just, shocked? i dont get how we are video chatting and opening gifts and i bought a hotel for us. To meet up in a crazy thing where I had no plan as to HOW things were gonna work. But my love and need to see you bypassed any real worries. It's crazy how this relationship brought that out of me. I think looking back at things, I was still a bit of a stick in the mud comparably. But you definitely brought something out of me that was crazy and off the cuff. I liked it. I wish i could save things. I wish this was like that early time when you broke things off and then like 2 days later came back and said you couldnt be without me. I'm not religious but I am hoping there are some sort of synchronicities or coincidences that send you back to me. I didnt expect you to not break up with me just because it was my dead father''s birthday. That would be manipulative. You broke up with me just the other day and I cant even tell you WHY. I remember alot of you telling me how YOU had negatively effected my life. And i deserved better and whatever. But i just wanted you. I told my mom that I have never loved someone like i loved you, and I never will again. I didnt know I was capable of love like this. I wont ever find it again. This message sucks cause its all over the place and im not making much sense or keeping a consistent tone. the barbed comments I would make. Back handed shit. god, they are all i can fucking think about. I cant imagine how differently things wouldve been if you hadnt immediately started having sex with new people. my brain just cant Courtney. How can you love me, want a future with me, want children, a home. But then as soon as you are single, its not me. Its not me at all. It's someone else. It really fucked with my head. And honestly, i just think I am a square. I have never hooked up with anyone in my life. I have only had sex with people I had relationships with. And the concept of sex outside of that is not only unappealing to me, but kind of grosses me out. Thats for me. I get people are into their own things and I dont judge. But being faced by someone who can say all this lovey dovey bs to me, and go fuck another man. And theres no connection? its just sex? whats the big deal? well, thats where my brain goes insane. I've never felt good enough or worthy of you. And for you to immediately shack up with someone NOT me while saying different things to me, it really fed into that insecurity. But thats me right? its MY insecurity. So who would you be to respect or acknowledge that. You are a young single woman who can finally go out and experiment and find yourself. Neither me or anyone else should stand in your way of that. But god dammit did it break my heart. And your ability to seemingly never think of me and my feelings just solidified mentally that i was not good enough. i was not worthy. and maybe worst of all, I was not your first choice. i lashed out with my words. my tone. things i said. how i said that. ugh. i wish...i wish i couldve just been your supportive friend. YASSS QUEEN! GO EAT SOME PUSSY! there are moments when i can be cool. But the uncool version of me surfaced his ugly head far more often as more of your experimentation took off. It just blows because, this only got bad once this started. Prior to that, i feel like things were wonderful. But i am probably sugarcoating things post mortem. i regret ever telling you i had bipolar disorder. i regret ever telling you about my anxiety disorder. Because in breaking up with me, they were both brought up. Negative is negative though. Just sucks feeling like you arent good enough from the get go and then being made to feel like you are broken and needing fixing. I dont know alot of people who would be okay with the love of their life fucking other people. Especially when that same person has told you they want you over anyone. But then when you try to plan a future together, those conversations go nowhere. So idk. Too much too soon I guess. I know that no matter what negative things i may think of the situation, I know I am at fault. I couldnt handle the pressure of being with a poly person. And I especially couldnt handle it when it seemed like the plans to experiment and have sex with other people superseded our plans that we talked about of a future together. But as i said, I know i am wrong. I am the villain. I think of some of the things i said to you in the days following you telling me Andi was coming there to get a hotel so you 2 could fuck. And christ. my tone. the meanness. i know i can change. i know it. maybe you'll change too? But maybe some of your negative qualities will change in your period of experimenting. who knows? all i know is each hour that passes and I cant talk to you breaks my soul. as much as I am sure you would prefer me checking my insurance to see if i could get therapy and medicated, i am afraid i am looking into seeing if it will cover me committing myself. Because I am genuinely unsure how i can go on. All i can think about is taking a bunch of Ativan and walking out into the woods and falling asleep and never waking up. Which in my present state I can realize is not good. The issue is, between the hotel i JUST bought us Thursday, and the hotel I bought us for your visit here in April, that's over $900 i charged that's non refundable. If I commit myself, I will lose my job. Outside of hotel money, i am just in debt in general too. So i feel so fucking stuck. None of this matters though. I just want you back. I don't care about money. I don't care about who else you have sex with. i just want my angel back. i can and will change. And I am TERRIFIED because per you, you are a serial monogamous relationship person. I want to change so you will love me again. I want to change so you can feel comfortable with your heart with me. But what if it takes to long? And you're already on to the next one? idfk. But my soul is crushed and i feel like giving up. I'm back to where I was before we met. The difference is now i have the pain and grief of losing my cosmic lover. My partner the universe brought into my life. How does one cope with such a loss? How does one live knowing they lost a love that was unlike anything they've ever experienced. I don't know. i do not want to live a life without you in it.

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